#Changing Planes should probably be read all together but they can be taken out of context

[vitos-ordination-song]

Le Guin must-read short stories:

The Matter of Seggri

Mountain Ways

The Shobies’ Story

Dancing to Ganam

Paradises Lost (more of a novella but you know)

Seasons of the Ansarac

Vaster Than Empires and More Slow

Solitude

The Stars Below

[gretagerwigsmuse]

rocketman: part i - it's just my job five days a week

Summary: in which lieutenant commander bradshaw is on a three month special detachment in the pacific and the holidays have never felt lonelier for either of you. it's just three months, it'll be fine, right?

OR you and bradley write each other 159 emails

Pairing: Rooster x Fem!Reader 11.8k

Warnings: 18+, explicit language, suggestive dialogue, bradley needs to remember this is a government email server...(okay yes, i am perfectly aware that our esteemed lieutenant commander would probably get kicked out of the navy for some of these emails…that being said, i also don’t particularly care! we’re playing fast and loose with the time stamps too because i may be smart, but math has never been a strong suit of mine!) enjoy the companion playlist! rest of the series can be found here!

12/17 @ 6:19am

I miss you already and I haven’t even left the parking lot. I’m still in my car typing this after having stayed for probably far too long watching your C-40 take off (like people were staring at me I was there so long)(and, yes, I looked up the name of the plane). Pete asked me if I wanted to get breakfast with him, but I said no. Felt too lost. Plus, I need to get ready for work. We’re going to get dinner on Wednesday before I head up to Berkeley Thursday morning, though!

Hope you have a safe transport and settle onboard quickly. I left you something in your duffle bag (yes, it’s safe to open around other people…head out of the gutter, Bradshaw).

Love you and stay safe, x

12/18 @ 5:46pm 

Just dropped off the gifts at the Junior League for Caroline’s adopt a child thing. She was completely in her element (they gave her a clipboard and a bullhorn!), though she did say we went wayyy too over the top. But little Carter asked for all that stuff! We couldn’t just not get it all for him? She also appreciated your wrapping skills, very impressed with the bows and tight corners. I met a couple of her friends there, which was nice and they invited me to stay for drinks (the prosecco was flowing…), but I wanted to head home. 

I miss you so much already, it feels weird not going over to your place after work and making dinner and prepping lunch together - and it’s only been two days. I know you’re on a comms blackout for the next couple days, so I’m just gonna keep sending these so you’ll have a bunch to read all at once.

All my love, x

12/19 @ 11:48am

My brother and Lauren decided to come out here for Christmas after all! My dad was so excited when he called me, but I think Mary’s a little less enthused. Feels like shit knowing we were the backup option for them. Apparently, Lauren’s mom is sick and the whole house is in disarray (not hard in that family…) so my dad is paying for them to fly in from New York tomorrow. I think it’ll be nice, we’ll almost have a full set (baring you, of course, my darling rocketman), so the house won’t be as lonely. Do you think we’ll get to talk on Christmas or Christmas Eve? You should be getting a package soon (‘twas preemptively sent!) and are under strict orders not to open it until Christmas Eve, buddy!

Going to dinner with Pete tonight, I’ll let you know how it goes. Amelia’s coming with us, but I don’t know about Penny? I hope they like the gifts we got them. I’m going to stop by your place, do a once over, and make sure the tree is ready for Pete to take, etc. before I leave on Thursday.

Love you and talk soon! x

12/20 @ 7:03am

House looked good! In my seat on the plane. If my morals were shakier, I would 1000% have taken Max up on his offer to fly me up to Berkeley. But alas! Climate change is real and private jets account for 20x as many carbon emissions as commercial planes, so I am up at the ass-crack of dawn for this 7:15am flight. I’ll message you when I land, love you!

12/20 @ 9:04am

Just landed - easy flight. Now to find my dad in arrivals…

Love you, talk when you get the chance! x

12/23 @ 4:45am

Hey sweetheart! Back online and all settled in. I’m bunking with Payback and we actually have a pretty decent layout. He graciously offered to give me the bottom bunk, due to my ‘geriatric status.’ Honestly, I’m just glad I don’t have to sleep in the bunk room with the ensigns and rest of the crew. I forgot how noisy it is being on an aircraft carrier, which makes Payback’s snoring surprisingly pleasant. I’m glad he and Bob are with me. The rest of this squadron’s from Lemoore and Bob knows some of them. It’s interesting seeing him and Payback fly together, but they mesh really well.

Glad Mav is there to keep an eye on you. 

Okay, I had way too much fun picking out all those presents, so I really hope Carter loves them too. And please tell me you have a picture of Caroline yelling into the bullhorn? I can truly think of nothing scarier than Caroline Calloway ordering the young women of San Diego county around like Santa’s chief elf. And speaking of gifts, I loved my pictures. The one from the Christmas party is my favorite, did Fanboy take it? I saw him running around with his Pentax. When the hell did you have time to print it? I’ve got it hanging up in my bunk so I can see it every night. 

I still don’t understand why you don’t fly into Oakland instead of SFO? Like I get it, you’re not a Spirit or SW girl, but kid….it’s an hour and forty minute flight? Live a little. And I think it’ll be nice having your brother and Lauren around for Christmas. How many people do you think it’ll be? I always loved seeing Christmas Eves with large families in movies and stuff, all the chaos and whatnot? But it’s just gonna be you five Christmas Day? I’ve heard rumblings that I might be first in line for a Facetime on Christmas Eve, so save some time for me too, kid. I’ll let you know for sure in a couple days. 

Okay, think we’re all caught up now. Talk soon and love you so much,

Your Bradley

12/23 @ 9:08am

Bubs! I read your email four times since I woke up, I can’t stop smiling. I’m glad you’re all settled in - Reuben’s snoring and ageism aside haha. How’s the food? Do you want earplugs? A sleep mask? Are earplugs allowed for sleeping? What if you need to get up right away and you can’t hear? I could send you a white noise machine? Or is there a fear of hacking with that? I should’ve done more research on this before you left. Tell me if you need anything, I’ll send it out express! Oh, I’m just so happy to hear from you. Keep me posted!

Lots of love, x

12/23 @ 8:53pm

You and me, hot date tomorrow night at 11:45pst - don’t be late. (And look cute.)

Your Bradley

12/23 @ 8:55pm

I’ll be there 😉 Love you, x

12/25 @ 9:56am

Bradley Bradshaw you absolute sneak! How on Earth did you pull a Christmas miracle off!?! Mary said she had no clue, so I’m extremely impressed you got my dad to keep that secret!? I was totally not expecting another present from you? The cooking lessons and apron were more than enough - to say nothing about moving in together!?! I love the bracelet so much, you have no idea. I started crying when I opened it! Mary took a video, which I’m sure she’ll send you. God, Bradley? You didn’t have to do that! It’s perfect, it’s like we’re locked together. I’m gonna wear it everyday. Please email me later if you get the chance! 

(Also, Lauren looked really jealous 😉 my brother was sweating)

Love you and Merry Christmas Rocketman! x

12/25 @ 11:38am

Ummm, not sure what you’re talking about, kid? That sounds like something Santa would do? Probably heard about how good you’ve been this year? x

12/25 @ 11:40am

Thank you, I love it so much and wish I could give you the biggest hug and kiss right now. I’ll have an extra slice of babka for you tonight, talk soon and Merry Christmas, Bradley! Love you x

12/27 @ 4:49am

I miss sleeping next to you. Whenever I can’t sleep, I think about the way you looked at me in the living room after our Christmas party. You looked so happy and I hate that I have to leave you for all our firsts. First Christmas, first New Year’s, first Valentine’s Day. And god, sweetheart, you’re so fucking gorgeous it makes me want to lose my mind sometimes. Always thinking about you, Bradley 

12/27 @ 8:38am

I miss sleeping next to you, too (especially since your body is like a furnace and you hold me close when I get cold). And I know you being away during the holidays is hard, but look at it this way - we’ll just have our firsts next year. Next year will be our first Christmas, first New Year’s, first Valentine’s Day together, not an ocean apart. We have all the time in the world, rocketman. Love you today and every day x

12/29 @ 6:02pm

There’s already so many things I’m dying to tell you and stories about the squadron we’re teaming up with, but the Navy will have my ass if I give away too many details so I’m just going to leave it at this: are we sure Max doesn’t have a twin on another continent? Take that as you will. What’re your plans for New Year’s? Your Bradley

12/30 @ 9:20am

Sorry for the delayed response! A minor issue with my brother and my dad that I won’t bore you with had the whole house in a tizzy. Thankfully, he and Lauren are gone even though my dad still won’t tell me what the issue was? Anyway! God, I wish I could hear more about Max’s twin? I am honestly kind of scared about knowing there’s a Max doppelgänger in the Navy (jokes!). For New Year’s, I’m going to this party with Mary and dad in the city, it’s at this fancy venue and I have a cute black dress! It’s very different for me and I wish you were here to see it! I’ll have to wear it again. Message me when it’s the New Year your time! Love you! x

01/01 @ 12:09am

Happy New Year, sweetheart! They had a little party for the officers - we even got cake and Bob snuck me and Payback seconds somehow. It’s always the quiet ones you gotta look out for. You absolutely need to send me pictures of you in that dress, I can’t wait to see it on you in person someday. Hope you have a great time with your dad and Mary, give them my best. Love you and again Happy New Year! 

Your Bradley

01/01 @ 12:01am

Happy New Year, Bradley!!! You got cake!! You broke some rules! I approve! Milk them for all the cake they’re worth! I’ll send some pics of the three of us and one just for you big boy 😉 Talk soon and love you so so much! x

01/01 @ 10:59am

Had a late start! Here are the pics from last night! Try and sneak some more cake xx

[mary_and_dad_being_annoying.jpg]

[me.jpg]

01/02 @ 6:12am

You know you labeled the pictures wrong…luckily no one was behind me…

01/02 @ 9:04am

Who? Me? I would NEVER! (Just trying to keep you on your toes.) Hope the flying is going well and you’re staying safe, B! Love you!

01/03 @ 8:00pm

Yeah, it’s going well. It’s so different flying on the open ocean after so long? Last time was in September when I went to Hong Kong. The desert is cool, don’t get me wrong, but seeing the clouds and the water together is unreal. The pink and purple clouds remind me of you (sorry, that was lame). You still gotta let me take you up, kid. I’ve heard Mav is trying to convince you, but you gotta let me be the one. Can’t trust just anyone with my girl. Love B

01/04 @ 10:13am

Bradley…he’s practically your father, I’m pretty sure you can trust him to take me up in a plane, you silly boy. Not that I’m saying you won’t be my first…but come on! And it’s not lame. I like that the pink and purple clouds remind you of me. Every time I see a plane I send a little call out for your safety. Gotta keep you safe, rocketman! Talk soon and love you! x

01/06 @ 4:45pm

My parents just dropped me off at the airport and no matter how many times I leave them, I always cry. I think the only time I didn’t cry when I left their house was when you were with me over Thanksgiving. You always make it better, bubs.

They’re coming down in a couple weeks to help me start packing, anything in the house you wouldn’t want them to see while dropping off boxes? I can still bring my old bed, etc for the guest room, right?

All my love, x

01/06 @ 9:58pm

I think I get that, having you around this time makes it different. I’ve never had anyone to really write to while I’ve been away before. Sure, I talked to my grandparents when they were still around and my aunts and uncles, Nat, Ice, and a couple others, but not like this. And I don’t ever want to not feel like this again. 

I’m an open book, kid. Ain’t got nothing to hide. And yeah, anything like that feel free to bring with you for the guest room or office. It was the bed, nightstands, and dresser and then your couch for the office, yeah? We can get new bedding and pillows for it if you want? I’m on comms blackout for a couple days, so message me whenever you want so I can read them all when we’re back online.

Your Bradley

01/06 @ 10:07pm

Perfect! Love you and stay safe, rocketman.

01/06 @ 10:09pm

Love you too, kid.

01/09 @ 6:11pm

Bradley, I don’t mean to alarm you, but there was a raccoon in your garage! Scratch that, a FAMILY of raccoons!??! I’m sure Mr Harrington was ready to call the cops when he heard my scream. They’re so cute, but also terrifying at the same time? So, I called Pete and he came right over, a true knight in shining armor! Amelia and I did a THOROUGH sweep of the house to make sure they were relegated to the garage. Pete got them out safe and sound with a random tennis racket and your 4 iron, but somebody’s coming tomorrow to check on how they got in there. And I know they aren’t hurting anyone, but I just don’t want there to be any issues later on? (The babies were actually so cute and reminded me of my cat growing up, Porter.) Anyway! Enough drama for tonight, I hope that gets a laugh out of you - talk soon!

Love you! x

01/10 @ 8:05am

Well, the exterminator got here around 7:30 and sprayed all this stuff and blocked the hole in the crawl space of the garage. He showed me pictures and let me tell you, there was quite the nest up there. These raccoons were living large over the holidays. 

01/12 @ 5:21pm

Okay! I’m in the parking lot, waiting for my first cooking class to start. Is it weird I’m a little nervous? I hope everyone else’s skill level is similar, I don’t like feeling behind. I brought my new apron, ironed it and everything. I feel a little like Ina Garten, isn’t she just divine? Okay, okay, I’m going in now! I’ll let you know how it goes! Thanks again for getting me these xx

01/12 @ 7:03pm

I feel so tired? Like my hand cramped a little bit? We started off the class with knife skills, which we’re going to do every week and then made this “simple” egg dish, which was NOT simple and I overcooked the egg. Ina would be so disappointed. Alas! Onto next week. Love you!

01/15 @ 9:12pm

Bradley you’re not going to BELIEVE what just happened on Succession. My heart is POUNDING? Do you think if I called and asked really nicely the Navy would get an HBO subscription for everyone? That is what I would like my tax dollars to go towards. Can you get me a direct line to someone in charge please? Love you!

01/16 @ 7:47am

Not to worry my little Barefoot Contessa, I have returned back to civilization (ie the internet), though am dismayed to have missed this mind blowing Succession episode? Has Perry Mason started back up again or will we be able to watch that together? 

Bob and I were in the gym earlier and he almost dropped a dumbbell on my foot, I swear my life flashed before my eyes. But I had a new PR on the bench press today, up to 285 pounds. Glad the cooking lesson went well though! What’s the class makeup like? x Bradley 

01/16 @ 9:04am

I’m glad you’re back online and safe! Perry Mason has not started yet, though I’m still certain you’re the only person under the age of 55 that watches it (I guess I should say we’re the only people under the age of 55 that watch it, but whatever). You’ve also missed a couple Top Chef episodes, but we can always binge this season later. 

There’s about 12 of us in the class and it’s pretty evenly split? Though there’s tragically this really annoying couple who were at the station next to me. I hope we get to change next week, I don’t think I can watch them feed each other food another week. 

And I’m still waiting for that direct line to the Navy, Bradshaw! Love you! x

01/1 6 @ 6:59pm

Wait, wait, how did I miss there? There was a WHAT in my garage? A raccoon? Multiple raccoons? We need to get a dog or a cat or something. x Bradley 

01/18 @ 7:02am

Bradley!! I know we talked about a trip once you got home (provided you still feel up for it with the transition and all), what if we went here? I was talking about our tentative plans with my dad and Mary before I went back to San Diego and they went to Punta Mita this past fall and LOVED it! What do you think? Love you!

01/18 @ 6:03pm

Holy shit! That looks absolutely amazing, yes I’d love to go! Can we afford that though? It looks expensive? xBradley

01/18 @ 6:05pm

YAY!! Ahh, I’m so excited you have no idea! I want to hug and kiss you so bad right now! We can fly for free since I have a bunch of AA points (thank you pwc) and then I have like a million Amex points, so it’s not full price!! 

01/18 @ 6:12pm

When you say ‘like a million’ do you actually mean a million or?

01/18 @ 6:14pm

Yes! I’ve had this card for like 15 years! My whole family does the pooling on it! It’s a drop in the bucket, promise! Plus, I always use my other card for work and that has a whole bunch of Bonvoy points on it, too. We could stay at one of those? I think there’s a St Regis next door?

01/18 @ 6:22pm

Sweetheart, I want to go, I just don’t want you to waste all those points on this. 

01/18 @ 6:26pm

What if we go for 6 nights instead of 9? Maybe no plunge pool? Or we could pay cash instead? And then I could get 6x the points from paying that way? So, really….the points just keep accumulating, we’ve got to use them sometime! The points can pay for the flights and the hotel and then we can split the room charges and incidentals 50:50?

Will you think about it? You don’t have to give me an answer right away and we can always pick another hotel? But if we want to go someplace in late March/early April, I think we should book soon with spring break and all? Not that I imagine many coeds will be staying at the Four Seasons, but you never know…

01/18 @ 6:33pm

You gotta send me a ppt on all this points stuff, you know math stresses me out. And no, I don’t think many coeds will be staying at the Four Seasons, kid. 

01/18 @ 6:37pm

Can I send you a dossier with everything!?! Even if you say no to that I’m doing it anyway ;) just promise me you’ll think about it, please? I’ll do whatever you want, Bradley <3

01/18 @ 6:40pm

Yes, please send the dossier my way henceforth, Moneypenny. 

And you’ll do whatever I want, huh? Might have to send you a dossier of my own now…

(But yes, I promise I’ll seriously consider everything. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to spend all this money to make me happy. I’d say we’d both be happy camping out on the beach, but I think that might be a security issue down there, plus neither of us like camping - anyway, you know what I mean.)

01/18 @ 6:43pm

Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw!! Is this a dossier for my eyes only? What will M say!? I’ll send you mine if you send me yours?

(But seriously, thank you! I’ll send you more specifics tomorrow - like pricing and whatnot - and you can take a couple days to think it over. And thank you for clarifying the camping thing, I was worried for a second there.)

I love you so much rocketman and we’ll talk (email) tomorrow 

x Moneypenny 

01/18 @ 6:46pm

I’d say ‘sleep tight,’ but that’s a given considering you haven’t been fucked in a couple weeks. 

(Perfect, I genuinely am really excited about it, just want to make sure it works out for us both.)

Love you so much, kid 

Your Bradley

01/18 @ 6:58pm

Bradley Bradshaw!! You did not just say that over a government email server! 

Imissyourcocksobadlyit’sdrivingmeinsane

01/18 @ 7:01pm

Couldn’t help it. Plus, we both know it’s true. 

01/18 @ 7:04pm

Oh, shut up. Shut me up

01/18 @ 11:43pm

I’m sorry if I came off too strong about planning earlier, I might’ve gotten a little carried away and been a little too eager about planning something five days after you’re home from a three month detachment. If at any time before you come home or even right after you come home you don’t feel up to the trip, please please please tell me. I want to do something nice for you and give you a chance to truly relax, but I’d hate for it to come at a price. So, just let me know, okay? Say the word and we’ll push it, alright? I don’t exactly know what you’re going through, but tell me if it’s ever too much. I’ll always be here, promise. Love you x

[dossier_for_your_eyes_only.ppt]

01/19 @ 8:29am

Kid, no. I promise I’ll tell you. You know I love how excited you get planning things. I think I like it so much because you take care of it all. Sure, you ask for my opinion and what I want, but I just have to tell you one thing, one idea and you take care of it. 

Funny though, isn’t it? How it’s totally opposite in the other side of our relationship? You tell me one thing, one idea and I take care of all of it? Bet it’s hard for you not having someone around to do that for you? Maybe next time we Facetime we can talk more about that? x B

01/19 @ 10:11am

Luckily, I have a very creative imagination, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw. 

See right now, I’m in my office, sitting at my desk, feeling so overwhelmed. It almost hurts how overwhelmed and frustrated I am. And you bust down the door, hair windswept like you’d flown to Del Mar, and you have that slutty flight suit on and I don’t even mind that you’re sweaty and gross. You smell absolutely divine and I rake my hands through your hair as you eat me out underneath my glass desk. I get a conference call, but you don’t stop the entire time. You like how squirmy and fussy I get, I can’t focus on the deliverable I’m working on for the client. You like that I can’t control myself, that I squeeze my thighs around your head. Eventually, you can’t take it anymore, your cock is aching so badly, and you need to fuck me on top of my desk. You’re so strong it almost breaks. You fuck me so good everyone in the office can hear me crying out for you. 

(actually, I’m on the couch, watching college football, but it’s more fun to imagine you fucking me in my office - see, creative imagination! Make sure you get a quiet room for that Facetime...)

Love x

01/19 @ 7:29pm

You think you’re funny, huh? You have any more of those thoughts, feel free to send them my way. ‘m taking out that picture you gave me for Christmas right now. How you taking care of yourself? My imagination isn’t as creative as yours. B

01/19 @ 7:40pm

Guess you’ll have to wait for our next Facetime…

x

01/20 @ 4:24pm

Your dad and Mary write me emails, you know. They aren’t as good correspondents as you are (for how could they possibly be, my dear?), but they check in about once a week or so. Mary sends me some of the articles she gives her students and talks about the show she’s watching with your dad. Your dad mainly talks about you. It makes me wish my parents were still around to do this stuff with me. Just checking in and writing emails and bragging about me to my girlfriend? How was yesterday’s class?

Your Bradley

01/20 @ 5:39m

I didn’t know they wrote you that often and I’m beyond embarrassed that my dad talks about me that much? But come on, Bradley…you have someone who does that, too? He’s about 5’8” (on a good day), looks great in a leather jacket, and just spent about two hours last weekend cleaning your gutters and telling me about how you won your high school’s debate scholarship?? Like how could you not tell me that? It’s literally one of the hottest things I’ve heard about you!

Class was good! They taught us a trick to cut onions without crying and one of the other girls complimented my apron! We’re doing meats next week, cutting, marinating, cooking, etc. and I’m excited!

01/20 @ 5:42pm

Oh gee, I bet it’s just awful for you to have Mav around all the time. Knight in shining armor…

01/20 @ 5:48pm

He’s not a bother! And it’s not all the time! We’re actually going to get lunch together on Saturday! It’s this new place on the water.

01/20 @ 5:50pm

Sounds like a cute little date! You’ll have to tell me how he is. Love you so much B

01/20 @ 5:55pm

I’ll keep ya posted, bubs! Love you!

01/22 @ 10:01am

Breaking news, kid. Your esteemed, naval aviator boyfriend is going to be on 60 Minutes at the end of February. Totally came out of left field, but I couldn’t say anything until they finished filming. It’s about the Navy in the Pacific and “the lost art of shipbuilding.” They even rigged up a camera on my plane and everything, it was so cool. I’ve been dying to tell you, but again couldn’t say anything until it was official. I probably won’t be on it long since they interviewed the Admiral and Pac Fleet Commander for most of it, but yeah, Payback and Bob and I will be on with my girl Norah. I made sure I had enough sunscreen on so I was camera ready at all times. Love you B

01/22 @ 10:09am

YOU’RE FUCKING SHITTING ME????? Oh my god, Bradley! That’s amazing! Margie even ran into my office to see what made me shriek! I am TOTALLY having a viewing party! Oh my god, how do you think it went? Did they get your good side? What about hair and makeup? I know you get helmet hair, bubs. 

Seriously, so so excited and proud of you, Bradley! I’m going to make my dad and Mary come down for it! She doesn’t teach on Mondays, so this is perfect for them to stay over Sunday night! But now don’t go letting all that fame get to your head, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw 😉 Love you so much x

01/24 @ 12:17pm

Rocketman - 

I was sitting at my desk earlier and listening to some music before my 12:30 meeting and Elton John’s Rocket Man popped up on my shuffle. Obviously, as you are my rocketman, I always think of you whenever I hear it, but today the lyrics really scratched that special part of my brain, so I did a deep dive into the song’s origins. 

Please note, I’m including this time in my billable hours to the client (re. you). My findings are as follows:

Bernie Taupin was inspired by a Ray Bradbury story written in 1951 titled ‘The Rocket Man’ - not drugs as the urban legend states! Drugs! Imagine!

Bradbury’s ‘The Rocket Man’ was first published in Maclean’s, a weekly Canadian magazine, before it was published in the short story collection ‘The Illustrated Man’ that same year

‘The Illustrated Man’ later was made into a film, though ‘The Rocket Man’ story was notably absent

Some of more popular and renowned stories from the collection include ‘The Veldt’ and ‘The Long Rain,’ the latter of which is commonly read in high school honors English

Was client in honors English? Please confirm in follow up correspondence

Client has mentioned extensive library resources at disposal - perhaps he can check this collection out on his next visit? But for now, an executive summary has been provided:

With space travel more commonplace in society, Doug’s father, an astronaut, is sent on frequent, three- month journeys into space

Despite missing his dad, Doug also longs to be a Rocket Man, though his mother frequently prevails on Doug to beg his father to stay on Earth and be with the family

“What’s it like, out in space?” Mother shot me a frightened glance. It was too late. Dad stood there for a full half minute trying to find an answer, then he shrugged.“It’s the best thing in a lifetime of best things.” Then he caught himself. “Oh, it’s really nothing at all. Routine. You wouldn’t like it.” He looked at me, apprehensively. “But you always go back.” “Habit.”

The father finds that his work is ruining his life, but the draw of the stars is too great: "You don’t know what it is. Every time I’m out there I think, if I ever get back to Earth I’ll stay there; I’ll never go out again. But I got out, and I guess I’ll always go out.”

Even while on vacation with the family, having Thanksgiving dinner, or sitting on the back porch, the father’s eyes are always on the sky…

Doug’s father begs him to not be like him, to not be a rocket man, but what happens when his father goes on one last journey to the stars?

Through much reflection, I have decided that ‘The Rocket Man’ was written about you - and your mom and your dad and me and on and on until there is no longer a need for Rocket Men - or the rocket man simply stops and breaks the cycle

You are both the Rocket Man and the little boy, forever waiting for his father to come home from space

The allure of flying, of being a ‘rocket man,’ is both too great and too sad for you to ignore

None of this is to say the rocket man is selfish, no. He simply cannot resist the temptation. He knows nothing other than the thrill and peace of being amongst the stars

And his mother shielding Doug from the sun at the end is like your mom asking Mav to pull your papers, she does it to save him, but it cannot keep him from becoming his father

Needless to say - I had to postpone my 12:30 meeting until tomorrow as my eyes were far too puffy and any word I tried to say felt like cotton in my mouth.

I miss you and I love you - your ‘Lilly’  

01/24 @ 8:22pm

Fuck - I love you so much. My clever girl.

01/24 @ 8:28pm

I pour my heart out to you and that’s all you have to say, rocketman? ‘Fuck - I love you so much’

(of course, I also love you so much, my clever boy.)

01/24 @ 8:30pm

Darling - it’s going to take me a little longer to come up with any commentary you deem appropriate, so for the sake of time, yes. I gotta read this story in full. I’ll be at the library at my earliest convenience. ‘The client’ will send an annotated copy with his notes henceforth.

01/24 @ 8:32pm

Of course, sweet boy. Goodnight, I love you so much. x

01/25 @ 11:44am

As promised, my darling girl. Love you.

[b.bradshaw_the rocket man_final paper.pdf]

01/25 @ 7:14pm

Oh Bradley! I love you so much, rocketman. Yes, I couldn’t have said it better. Yours x

01/26 @ 10:39am

Bradley! They’re sending me to London in February for two weeks! I even get a swanky corporate apartment for the stay. I wish you could come with me - even if it was just for a long weekend? We could go to all my favorite restaurants and afternoon tea and for walks in all the parks. One day it’ll work out! 

But tragedy of all tragedies! I just realized I’m going to miss a couple cooking lessons when I’m in London! I already emailed the instructor before today’s class and she said there’s other classes throughout the week that are behind us, so I can make it up with them! Ahhh I’m so excited! Talk soon, love you!

01/26 @ 11:13pm

I didn’t realize how nervous I was about the trip until I went to bed tonight. It’ll be my first trip abroad since I got my promotion in November. Plus, it’s a completely different client than my last trip abroad and I’ve only met one person on this new London team before. Sometimes I go into these meetings and still feel like a little kid? I’m always the youngest person in the room and normally the only woman and on one hand, that’s cool? But sometimes I feel like someone’s daughter instead of their colleague? Like these guys are my dad’s age? And they’re actually supposed to listen to what I have to say about their company? Do you ever feel like that? Like you don’t really belong, despite knowing you’ve earned your place? I wish you were beside me right now. My bed feels way too big tonight. Love you.

01/27 @ 7:48am

Sweetheart! I am so unbelievably proud of you! That’s amazing! You gotta celebrate, go out to dinner with Caro and Darcy, maybe even Nat! I know you’ve been working so hard these last couple of weeks, you absolutely deserve this. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re going through, but yes. I have absolutely felt like I haven’t belonged or deserved something despite having ‘checked off all the boxes.’ I felt that way when I got promoted to LC and when I got that award in October. Everytime I see it on my uniform, I feel a bit like a faker? Like do I really deserve this? But then I remember the way you smiled at me when I got back to my seat that night and how proud of me you were and I think maybe I do deserve it? Plus, I also think of how goddamn gorgeous you looked all fucked out later that night. 

And please note, I would happily slip into bed alongside you, especially since my bed feels way too small tonight. Love you, Bradley

01/27 @ 10:56am

Thank you for earlier. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like I’m just too soft for all of this? Like I’m always trying to prove something to everyone and I get a little lost. Tell me something good? x

01/27 @ 7:01pm

How about this? Every time I go up in the sky and see the way the sun hits the clouds, I think of you. I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with you. I love you so much, kid

Your Bradley 

01/27 @ 7:06pm

Sometimes I can’t believe we love each other this much, it feels like a dream  x

01/27 @ 7:11pm

I can. Your Bradley 

01/30 @ 7:08am

i slept in one of your shirts last night. it doesn’t smell like you anymore, but it feels like you: soft and safe and warm x

01/30 @ 7:23am

Well I spray my pillowcase with your perfume whenever I miss you so I guess we’re even

Your Bradley

ps - can you send me another bottle?

01/30 @ 7:34am

You’re already out? What sort of illicit behavior are you engaging in with that perfume bottle? 

01/30 @ 10:33pm

I burrow my face in my pillow so I can smell it while I fist my cock, why? What’d you have in mind?

01/30 @ 10:37pm

How does that work though? Like genuinely? Do you jack off with Reuben in the top bunk? Or wait till he’s in the gym? I’ve been curious about this for a while now. What about the showers? Is it like an open floor plan thing? Or are there stalls? Is there a Zillow listing for this aircraft carrier?

01/30 @ 10:41pm

Now why would I ruin the mystery? 

01/30 @ 10:43pm

Bradley!!!!

01/30 @ 10:44pm

Atta girl, that’s the spirit! Love you 

02/02 @ 6:30pm

I am so sick of going to the gym. It seems like it’s all Payback and I do lately. We got this new workout regime that’s been killing me - don’t say it’s because I’m old. Though, I have been using my Theragun. Payback does my back if I do his in return. It was only awkward the first time he turned it on too hard and yelped (please tell everyone that). 

02/02 @ 6:46pm

Oh, so you and Rueben Theragun each other, huh? Say more Lieutenant Commander!

02/04 @ 2:45pm

Going to Pete and Penny’s in a bit to watch the Super Bowl! Max is at the game, apparently his golf buddy Jimmy G hooked him up, though he neglected to bring me or Caroline. I feel like you would’ve been his first choice, so take that as a compliment I suppose. Do you guys do anything onboard for it? I have $350 on the 49ers winning by 3. Have a lovely day my darling boy x

02/04 @ 9:30pm

Guess who’s as snug as a bug on a rug in her bed AND $1400 dollars richer? That would be me! When you get home we’re going to Juniper and Ivy, my treat, bubs! x

02/06 @ 4:57am

Awww sweetheart are you gonna sugar mama me again? 

02/06 @ 7:03am

You do know the only reason you’re getting away with that is because there’s an ocean between us, right? 

02/06 @ 6:00pm

Sorry, couldn’t resist! Love you! B

02/06 @ 6:10pm

You’re lucky I love you so much. x

02/08 @ 9:58pm

Can you imagine if I was gone for 20 years?

02/08 @ 10:11pm

Bradley that’s not funny 

02/08 @ 10:13pm

It’s not supposed to be. I’m reading the Odyssey and it got me thinking. 

02/08 @ 10:16pm

Bradley I love you something awful, but you are such an old man sometimes. 

Are you going through some sort of midlife crisis reading the Odyssey while you’re at sea?? Is the Old Man and the Sea next?

(ps i love the thought of you reading in your bunk in your spare time and being so struck by something composed thousands of years ago that you have to email me)

02/08 @ 10:20pm

They wait 20 years to get back to each other - practically half their lives. They miss so many things and barely knew each other before he left, but they’re still so - I don’t even know? They’re just so intent on getting back to the other in Odysseus’s case? While Penelope makes sure there’s something for him to come back to? And I must’ve read this stanza ten times before I had to email you: 

"...the gods cast me upon Ogygia, Calypso's island, home of the dangerous sea nymph with glossy braids, and the goddess took me in in all her kindness, welcomed me warmly, cherished me, even vowed to make me immortal, ageless, all my days - but she never won the heart inside me, never" 

And I know it’s not a perfect comparison or parallel, but I read that last bit and I couldn’t help but think of you? And how you’re the one who won my heart and it’s always going to be that way. Whether I see you in twenty seconds or twenty years.

02/08 @ 10:23pm

You’d come home to me whether it took twenty seconds or twenty years. You’d come home to me and I’d know you anywhere. I love you so much. 

02/08 @ 10:58pm

“Now help me, please, to get back home, and quickly! I miss my family. I have been gone so long it hurts.” 

Your Bradley

02/09 @ 7:03pm

At the airport for London! Taking off! And I may or may not have used points to upgrade to a Club World seat…but like? It’s a nonstop flight, so it’s okay, right? Work’s already paying for business class? It’s points from my work card? It’ll be fine, right?

I had to take an ativan in the lounge. I just hate that I still get so nervous whenever I fly long distance? I fly all the time, I shouldn’t be like this? You know, one time, I pretended you were flying my plane. I know it’s kind of dumb and silly and a completely different type of plane, but it made me feel better because you’d never let anything happen to me. 

Anyway, we’re book buddies!! I went to the bookstore a couple days ago and got a copy! I read the Odyssey back in high school, but forgot so much. I was reading in the lounge and this part made me think of you:

“...this lovely house, my marriage home, so full of wealth and life, which I suppose I will remember even in my dreams.”

I’ll text you when I land my darling boy, love you x

02/10 @ 6:02am

You gotta squeeze every last bit of your per diem out of pwc. You’ve been working way too hard lately. Fuck it, on the way home just put the upgrade on your work card or put it on mine. Have a safe (rest of your) flight - maybe one day you’ll let me take you up. Love Bradley 

02/10 @ 10:08am

Just landed and on my way to the office (already…)

I thought of you as I read and stared out the window on the plane. I could pretend I’m flying towards you, rather than further away. I can’t imagine how you feel doing this everyday, but I imagine it’s like feeling limitless, like everything is in front of you, there for the taking. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll let you take me up one day. 

I’ll keep you posted on how everything’s going if you do the same. All my love x

02/12 @ 5:49am

How’s it going, kid? They working you too hard? You’re in London! Try to enjoy it, you deserve it. One of the guys I’m with gave me a restaurant rec for you, said the drinks were amazing, his wife loved it. Do something fun while you’re there! And send me some pictures dammit!

Love you, 

Bradley 

02/12 @ 8:22am

Bradley! It’s been so so crazy here! I feel like I haven’t stopped since I landed. My ‘flat’ is so cute and right by the client’s offices, so it’s an easy commute. I feel so professional taking the Tube places too! It’s one thing I’d like us to have in San Diego as opposed to all the traffic. Also, it’s CHILLY here and I’m so glad I dug my big coat out of storage. I’ll try and check the restaurant out this weekend, I’m gonna sneak in a trip to the Tate, too. I’ve always wanted to see the Turners. Talk soon and love you bunches! x 

02/14 @ 9:54am

Bradley Bradshaw! You absolute SAP! HOW!?! Did you conspire with my dad again? Thank you for the flowers! I’m going to have the biggest smile on my face all day. I love you and hope this is the first of a lifetime of Valentine’s Days together. Always x 

02/14 @ 7:33pm

Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, kid. I’m not gonna lie, I gave your dad very specific instructions for the bouquet (I was going to ask Max, but he’d probably swap it for something ugly and cheap and keep the change…kidding (not)), so I’m glad they turned out well. It was a very big day on board today: we got special red heart cookies for the holiday. The mood was infectious, I can still taste the sprinkles. Maybe you could cook for me on our next Facetime? Have you learned anything good in class lately? It doesn’t have to be fancy, just wanna see you (and maybe also live vicariously through whatever you’re making).  

02/14 @ 7:33pm

Bradley! I think I can swing that for you, when do you think our next call will be? 

02/16 @ 3:18pm

Kid, you spoil me. This package is amazing, I don’t know where to start (just kidding it’s with the Cadbury chocolate and the Sudocrem as my burnt shoulders thank you), but everything is wonderful, thank you. I love hearing about London and seeing the pictures you sent last time. But I do have one complaint…you’re not in any of the pictures, kid, and that’s truly egregious. (Think we won’t be able to Facetime for a while, I gave Payback my slot the other day.)

02/16 @ 3:23pm

That’s not true! I’m in the one in front of the Tate!

02/16 @ 3:25pm

Yeah, but I can’t see you under all those layers! Just want to see your face. It’s been way too long since our last Facetime.

02/16 @ 9:52pm

As requested, Lieutenant Commander. I had one of the girls in the London office take this at dinner tonight. She really did wonders with the lighting and even managed to get my sidecar in the pic! x Love you

02/17 @ 6:55am

You look pretty. New dress? B

02/17 @ 7:17am

Maybe…it was on sale, couldn’t resist. But you’re gonna hate me because all of my clothes are very much not going to fit in your closet. Also, I bought you a new jacket and some socks. x

02/17 @ 7:20am

Ehhh I’m not too worried about the closet thing. But if you keep buying me clothes we might have a problem.

02/17 @ 7:24am

It’s so cute though!! You’re going to look so handsome in it! I got the green one for you!

02/17 @ 7:29am

Okay, admittedly a very nice jacket, thank you. But you are aware that we live in San Diego…

02/17 @ 7:31am

I am aware of that fact, LC Bradshaw. You can wear it when we visit my parents. Hell, I had to get my coat out of my storage closet for this trip. 

02/17 @ 6:53pm

Sighhhhh you raise a good point. Alright, alright, thank you for the jacket and socks my darling girl. What’d you have for dinner last night? We had chicken with these absolutely awful biscuits, tasted like saw dust, my stomach was growling for some more of that Cadbury chocolate (yes, Payback and I ate all of it already, though it was mainly Payback) for hours afterward. 

02/17 @ 6:59pm

Oh my sweet boy! Who do I need to call about your meal plan? Give me the number and I’ll call the Navy up right now. And I had scallops with truffle risotto. It was delicious. Wanted to lick the bowl clean. Love you bubs x

02/19 @ 10:22pm

Bubs, I cannot eat another meal out. I feel like I’m going to burst. I’ve gone to so many work dinners and lunches even before coming here, it almost makes me feel like a glutton. 

I miss you and your cooking (though I’ll have you know that my skills were vastly improving before my trip abroad!) and you standing behind me at the counter while I try to perfectly cut peppers. Sometimes I do it wrong on purpose so you’ll put your arms around me and I can feel the rumble of your voice. Would we call that weaponized incompetence? You better be ready for some Michelin Star meals when you get home, buddy. I just can’t wait to be home with you and roll over next to you in the morning and to tell you to stop snoring and that the battery in the smoke detector needs to be changed. I can’t wait to be home with you and make a life with you. I’m going to be really sappy now, but let me have this because I was reading this poem the other day and thought of you. 

“I am supposed to be touched. I can’t wait to find the person who will come into the kitchen just to smell my neck and get behind me and hug me and breathe me in and make me turn around and make me kiss his face and put my hands in his hair even with my soapy dishwater drips. I am a lovely woman. Who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?” (x)

Only a month until you’re home with me, I hope you’re hungry. 

All my love x

02/20 @ 4:50am

It’s only weaponized incompetence if the other person minds. I, however, do not mind. I loved that quote you sent me, going to be thinking about that one for a long time. I hate to tell you this, but I’m gonna be offline for a couple days. I hate that it’s at the end of your trip, but please please message me when you’re leaving/taking off and again when you land, you know I worry. Love you and am so unbelievably proud of you, kid! You killed it in London. Your Bradley

02/20 @ 7:03am

That’s okay, I totally understand. I’ll give you all the details on our next Facetime. In the meantime, I message you when I leave. Stay safe and love you, Bradley! x

02/23 @ 3:45pm

Taking off soon! I got an upgrade again, thankfully! And I made sure to put your new coat in my carry on - I don’t trust British Airways not to lose it! Taking an ativan again so hopefully I’ll sleep the entire flight - love you and talk soon!

02/24 @ 10:33pm

Just landed, slept through….90% of the flight! Apparently, there was bad turbulence, so probably for the best. Now, I know you would never have me deal with that my darling rocketman! Talk later - love you! x

02/25 @ 7:09pm

Feels kind of weird being back? I can’t quite get back into my routine. I’m not sure if it’s jet lag or something else? Feeling a little lost? x

02/26 @ 7:55pm

Bradley!!! You were so good, I’m so so proud of you! Max had everyone over at his place for us to watch you! We have quite the party here including my parents, Pete, Penny and Amelia, Natasha, Mickey and Cielo, Caroline, and Darcy. I’ll have to tell you about the parents meeting later. I wish you had been here for it, they took to each other like bees to honey. 

You looked tragically handsome, I practically had to hold back a moan when you were standing on the flight deck talking to Norah O’Donnell (is she as nice in person as she is on TV?). God, I want to ravish you, you sounded so fucking smart. You know like half the country is going to be in love with you now, right? I’ve got to get back to everyone, Max ordered dinner for us afterwards, but I had to email you as soon as you finished!

Just wanted to let you know how proud of you I am and how much I love you x

02/27 @ 5:09am

Thanks, kid. Sorry it took me a bit to respond, things have been getting a bit crazy, you know, now that I’m a celebrity and all? We’re winding down this training, so the next couple weeks are gonna be full of debriefs and paperwork, which means I should have a more stable schedule. Love you B

02/28 @ 11:48pm

Sometimes I wonder if you were here what would you do? Hold me? Love me? I never feel small except when I’m in your arms. x

02/29 @ 11:48pm

Some nights in bed, if I try really hard, I can imagine I’m laying down next to you. And it makes everything just a little easier. Bradley

03/01 @ 12:56am

I haven’t taken anything besides my fingers in months. You’re going to stretch me out so well when you get home. 

03/01 @ 7:19pm

And I’m gonna mark your ass pink for that comment. I can’t believe you sent that in the middle of the day. You getting yourself off at work? Dirty girl. 

03/01 @ 9:41pm

Never feels as good as when you do it. 

03/01 @ 10:01pm

And my hands pale in comparison to your pretty little cunt. You know that first time we slept together you were so fucking tight, I knew you hadn’t had a good fuck in ages. It gonna be like that again when I come home?

03/01 @ 10:05pm

Where are you going to have me first?

03/01 @ 10:06pm

In our bed, in our house, after you make me dinner in our kitchen. 

03/01 @ 10:09pm

Just over two weeks now, I can’t wait to see you. x

03/03 @ 5:55am

How you holding up, kid? You doing a little better this week work wise? Try and log off around 5 if you can. Don’t want you getting all worn down on me. 

They had us doing these war games yesterday that made me think of you. You would’ve walked circles around some of these other guys I swear. Think I can get a Facetime for us in a couple days? Probably will be our last one before I come home. Love you, B

03/03 @ 7:12am

Bradley! That's the best news I’ve had in ages! I can’t wait to see you! Definitely felt a little lost after coming back from London, but I hope my rut will be over soon? Tying things up with a client is always so lengthy and tedious. 

War games! ‘Would you like to play a game?’ I’d ask if you won, but no one ever wins in the art of war 😉Love you!

03/05 @ 8:54pm

So, here’s a new one. My mom called? She’s going to be stateside and wants to get lunch tomorrow. Could’ve done with a bit more warning, but apparently, she has a layover in San Diego on her way to New York to see my brother? I didn’t even know she was going to see him? I don’t even know if I want to see her? It’s funny, I can already tell you exactly how it’ll play out:

We’ll go to lunch at some sort of vegan restaurant, probably Donna Jean

She’ll make me pay

She’ll try to get me to use some sort of herb to promote weight loss since I’m looking a bit “pudgy” around the face

Though she’ll forget to ask about you, she’ll tell me about her latest string of failed relationships with bartenders and surf instructors in Canggu. Or is it Ubud? I genuinely don’t remember, she started in Ubud, but honestly my knowledge of Balinese geography is rudimentary at best 

She’ll ask how ‘that woman’ is doing as if Mary is just the woman my dad is seeing, not the woman who raised me and my brother

And finally, she’ll ask for money though betting is still open as to what for!

So, what do you say? Wanna put a wager on it? Your terms.

Love you! x

03/06 @ 6:30am

$100 she orders the caesar and makes you pay. I’m not even going to entertain the third parlay, pretty girl. Oddly feeling like she’s got a winner on her hands so yes she’ll talk about her new paramour. Does she really call Mary ‘that woman?’ And yes, without a question, she will ask you for money.

Your move my gorgeous girl,

Bradley

03/06 @ 7:49pm

I really wish you were here right now. She doesn’t even know me, but she somehow always manages to make me feel small. 

Caesar - no croutons 

I paid

Pudgy and frumpy, but she was hawking shakes not herbs

Failed relationship? No, she’s actually GETTING MARRIED

She did not ask about you much other than to say I need to watch my figure for you (see bullet point no. 3)

Mary was called ‘that woman’ six times before I stopped counting

She asked for money as a wedding present 

So, you didn’t get them all, but not a bad showing. Love you. Talk tomorrow on Facetime. x

03/07 @ 6:09am

God kid, I’m so sorry. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. Actually, I don’t even think she deserves to know what she’s missing. Did you talk to your dad or Mary about it? I know we’re talking later, but I just wanted you to have a message from me before you start your day. What’re you wearing to the office tomorrow? Have you worn that wrap dress lately? You know it’s one of my favorites and that I always love unwrapping it when you get home from the office. 

Can’t wait to see you tonight. All my love, Bradley

03/07 @ 9:55am

The dress doesn’t fit. My mom was right, I shouldn’t have gotten the french toast.

I’m planning on talking to dad and Mary later today before you and I have our Facetime. I know they’ll make me feel better, much like you have my darling boy, but it still feels pretty crummy. Especially since I’m sure she’s going to have wonderful time in New York with my brother 🙄 and I’ll have to hear all about it next time I talk to him. 

And I’m not sure if I’ve unpacked that dress yet! I’ll have to do some digging. Talk soon! x

03/10 @ 3:26am

We had a little baby. He was always giggling and laughing and we were making silly faces and he looked so small in your arms, Bradley. So small and little and he was ours. And then I turned around and he was toddling around the house and we were chasing him and his little legs were moving so quickly and we all wound up on the couch in a tangle of limbs, giggling under the blankets as we tickled him and he called you daddy. 

It wasn’t our house - or what will be our house, I guess? Instead of the leather couch you have, it was white and big and wide and the three of us could easily fit on it, snuggled together. 

And I could feel your arms around me, rocking me back and forth. I could feel you humming in my ear and kissing my neck and telling me you loved me. I could feel it. I could feel you. I could feel him and you. And it was nice and I felt warm and safe and cherished and loved. Because I felt so much love for this little boy in my arms - the perfect mix of me and you. Everything felt right and perfect. 

Except when I rolled over in bed to tell you about it, I realized I was alone in my bed, in my apartment, and not in the house that we shared or with the little boy that looked so much like you and I haven’t felt so empty and sad since I can’t remember when. 

And I just miss you so much, Bradley. I know I can come across as glib and unfeeling sometimes and like this doesn’t affect me as much. But it does and sometimes I feel like my heart is going to burst because I’ve never felt like this for anyone else before? It’s never been so easy for me to love someone and let them love me to the point that I always want to be beside them. And I know with your job - and mine - that can’t always happen, but god Bradley I wish you were here right now so you could hold me and tell me you loved me because I just want to feel your arms around me and know you’re real. I want to tell you about the little boy - the perfect mix of me and you. 

I love you rocketman x

03/11 @ 12:49pm

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I realize that’s a lot to drop on you, especially since we can’t talk in person. I guess I’ve just never missed a person more in my life and seeing that future showed me what we could have when you come home. God, Bradley I want you to come home so badly. I want you to stay here with me forever and never leave and to have that cute little boy who was the perfect mix of me and you and to have you here in my arms every night. And I know it’s selfish of me to ask or even make you think about it, but I want you right here - in twenty seconds, not twenty years. 

How did your hop go today? x

03/11 @ 7:03pm

I have dreams like that, too. I’ll be little, but still older than I was when my dad died and we’ll be at the beach, running around, and he’ll pick me up and spin me around like I’m flying on an airplane. 

But then it’ll be me and my kid, running around and I’ll pick them up and spin them around like they’re flying on an airplane. Sometimes it’s a girl, sometimes a little boy. But I always just can feel and tell that I love them and I’d do anything for them. 

And I used to hate waking up alone after I had them and I’d feel empty and sad and like I had the feeling that they should still be there? Except now I have you and I know it doesn’t just have to be a dream?

Sorry it took me so long to reply. Today was hectic and I didn’t get to check my email until later. But if I checked it earlier, my day would’ve been a lot easier on my heart. 

All my love,

Your Bradley

03/12 @ 7:11pm

How do you always know exactly what to say? I’m sorry for springing that all on you, know it wasn’t exactly a quick/easy message, but I love that you knew exactly what I meant. My day’s always a lot easier on my heart when I hear from you, too. Love you x

03/13 @ 10:17pm

i miss having you around to take care of me. and telling me what to do and what to wear for you and how you want me and where you want me and when you want me and and and. and how good i feel around you as you come, how you take what’s yours. how i need you to take control and tell me what i need because i’m too much of a dumb slut to figure it out on my own. i need you so much bradley. and it’s so hard because i’m trying to take care of myself like you do and imagine what you’d do if you were with me right now. but i’m so frustrated since no one takes care of me like you do. i feel so empty. nothing stretches me out like you do, nothing makes me feel as small as you do, nothing makes me flush like the sound of your voice against my neck as i come, nothing soothes the ache inside me like you do. need you to call me good girl, pretty girl, sweet girl, anything as long as it’s yours. 

i need you i need you i need you i need you bradley bradley bradley bradley

3/13 @ 10:39pm

Awwww sweetheart, did you get yourself all worked up over me? It’s okay, I know it’s hard for you all by yourself. Must’ve been real bad for you to risk this getting flagged, huh? Poor thing, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. 

Want you to pretend I’m next to you, leaning over you as you lay down and touch yourself. Say yes Bradley, more Bradley. Bradley, Bradley, Bradley. Good girl. 

Want you naked under the covers, no frilly little pajama set or anything. No, I want your cum to stain the sheets and then for you to have to clean up in the morning, all embarrassed because you did this. You made yourself like this because you can’t control yourself without me around. All that cum being wasted. Nobody around to lick it off your pussy. So what doesn’t get on the sheets, you have to taste. Good girl. 

Want you to use your fingers - only your fingers, I’ll know if you use anything else. Start with your breasts. Think of how perfectly they fit in my hands and how yours aren’t quite the same. They aren’t as big. Aren’t as strong. Play with your nipples, drag your nails across the soft skin on the underside of your breasts.

Want you to sigh my name as you slide your hands down your stomach towards your pretty little pussy. Have you shaved? Gotten a wax? You know how I like it, want it just like that when I get home. Pretend it’s my fingers sliding into your cunt. A few touches and you’re already clenching on air and I’m not even around. 

In and out, in and out. Circle your clit with your thumb. Add another finger, then another. You rocking your hips yet? I know you’re soaked. I know you want more. Three fingers can’t stretch you out nearly as much as you need. But I don’t know if you can handle anything else without me around. And I know you would never disagree with me, right? Because you’re my good girl and good girls do what they’re told. 

Don’t hesitate to get loud. You’re in our house, in our bed, you can be as loud as you want. Bet you’re getting close, huh? Try and last a little longer, can you hear yourself and how wet you are? Are you shaking yet? I know you’re close. Go ahead, speed up your fingers, just the way I do. It’s okay, you can come. Know you’re gonna get sleepy soon, wish I could sleep inside you, nice and tight.

Now say thank you Bradley. Good girl. 

03/14 @ 5:49pm

Thank you, Bradley. Thank you for taking care of me last night 

You like chicken piccata, right?

03/14 @ 7:33pm

Yeah, kid, I like chicken piccata. 

03/14 @ 7:39pm

Okay, that’s good. I’m going to make it when you come home. I ran it by my cooking instructor. Ina’s recipe of course. 

(I’ve read your email seven times since you sent it. I’ve thought about it constantly. I want you to take me softly and slowly that first time. But after that? I can’t wait to let go and float. Love you so much x)

03/15 @ 6:09am

You’re the boss. Good thing I’ll be home soon, you’re gonna run out of material. As is, I had to type that last one with one hand. 

Love you,

B

03/15 @ 7:21am

I’ll be good till you get home, promise. 

Have a good day, do you think we’ll get to talk much from now till Friday? Love you x

03/15 @ 7:24am

I’ll hold you to it. 

I don’t think so, might be able to send one out before leaving the boat. Better make it a good one. 

All my love

Your Bradley 

03/15 @ 7:25am

You got it! Love you bubs 

03/18 @ 11:08pm

Kid - there’s this lyric that keeps running through my head: ‘and I want you right here.’ I want you beside me - today, tomorrow, all my days. I want you right here, beside me forever. In twenty seconds, not twenty years. See you tomorrow.

All my love,

Your Bradley

03/18 @ 11:11pm

See you tomorrow, rocketman. I’ll be the one in blue.

Love you x

a/n: thanks for reading! i'll be back with part ii and part iii (hopefully not in...4 months). i had so much fun writing these and getting to explore a different format and side to their relationship! thanks to alexa @sometimesanalice, kylie @ofstoriesandstardust, cass @notroosterbradshaw, elle @dissonannce, nik @cherrycola27, and loren @heartsofminds for all the support!

[lesbicosmos]

day 6 of @chrisginnyweek !!

day 6 prompt: separate

my interpretation: separate planes of existence? a really niche book au that probably makes no sense

summary: ginny dies in an accident and is the last person to die on new years eve, so she becomes a grim reaper. chris deals with losing her. aka the afterlove au no one asked for

note: some context if u haven't read afterlove by tanya byrne -the last person to die on new years eve in a specific area becomes a grim reaper for that area -the grim reapers are the ones who take the recently dead to the place where they 'move on' so to speak -they do still exist in the world but their appearances are altered so much that any unique details like birthmarks and scars disappear so they seem almost like a blank canvas -if a living person recognises a reaper despite the appearance change, they're seemingly doomed to die within a few days

also on ao3!

no grave can hold my body down

No. No, this couldn’t be happening. It was impossible. She couldn’t be- no. Chris refused to believe it. Ginny Danburry wasn’t dead. She just couldn’t be. Yet here the police were, delivering the news not even hour into the New Year.

They’d decided to have a New Years party at Knox’s house given his parents were out on a business trip. The seven poets, Chris and Ginny had all been having fun together without a care in the world, playing stupid games and waiting for midnight to arrive. Chris had planned everything that was going to happen at the stroke of the new year: she was going to push the others out of the way, drag Ginny into the centre of the living room and kiss her senseless right there; Charlie would probably whistle like a child, but she wouldn’t care; there would be confetti falling around them: it would be the perfect way to start January 1st.

But then Ginny’s parents had come. Then they’d dragged her away from the party at ten minutes to midnight. They’d taken her home in the car, promised she could see them all tomorrow. But she never got home. There was an accident, and Ginny’s side of the car had been crushed. Her parents had survived, but Ginny was gone.

Chris sat on Knox’s sofa, staring into the fireplace, only one word repeating in her mind like a broken record: no. She couldn’t be gone. Chris couldn’t believe that she’d never see her face again, never run her hands through her impossibly soft hair again, never kiss her again. Everything was happening too quickly. She was angry – angry at her parents for taking her away from the party, angry at herself for not being able to convince them to let her stay, angry at whatever controlled the universe for choosing Ginny. It should have been someone else – it should have been her. Ginny had so much ahead of her, an inevitable shining acting career just a few years away, while Chris still didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life. Why could it not have been her in that car rather than her girlfriend?

Chris’s head fell into her hands and she broke down into uncontrollable sobs.

-------------------------------

Crying. Arguing. Swerving. Crashing. Pain…so much pain. A body.

Ginny couldn’t stop reimagining the moment, dragging herself out of the wrecked car and standing up, relieved to be alive, only to look down see a body lying where she had been only moments before - her own body, wearing the same outfit she was at that very moment.

It had taken a while to get used to the knowledge that she was dead. Her life was over, yet she was still in the world, walking around it like anyone else, like the shadow of the girl she once was, going unnoticed by everyone. She’d been told she was the one, that she was a Reaper now, that being the last to die on New Years’ Eve meant it was now her job to escort those recently deceased to the next plane but couldn’t go herself. The thing that was the hardest to get used to, though, was the knowledge that she couldn’t see Chris anymore.

She missed her. Every day Ginny remembered another part of her girlfriend that she missed. She missed seeing her smile when Ginny arrived at her house; she missed the dimples that always came alongside that smile; she missed the sweet sound of her laugh, her voice; she missed the way her eyes twinkled in the summer sun; she missed the feeling of her lips, soft against her own. She missed everything about Chris Noel. She knew that technically she could go and see her if she wanted. She could talk to her, act like she was a stranger, like nothing ever happened and they’d never met before. She desperately wished to do so, but she wouldn’t. She knew the rules – if a living person recognises a reaper as their past self, they’re doomed to die within days. She wouldn’t risk Chris’s life just for her own selfish gain. If she did, and Chris died, then she would never be able to see her again. Chris would move on, and Ginny would be stuck there, in a cycle of taking others to their next life. At least this way, she could see her from a distance, know she was safe.

Ginny remembered the first time she saw her own reflection after the accident. She looked like herself, but not really. Some things were just wrong or missing. All of the makeup she was wearing for the New Years Party was gone. Her hair only lied flat and didn’t have the lively curl it used to have. Her freckles had disappeared, and so had the beauty mark from her cheek. The scar on her chin from falling on the playground as a child was nowhere to be seen. Ginny didn’t recognise herself. It was like she was wiped blank, just a default copy of a person. She hated it.

She knew why it happened, of course. It made people less likely to see her and the other reapers in the streets, they would pass by without giving even a glance in their direction. It was for everyone’s safety, but that didn’t make it any less horrible.

After completing her reapings for the day, Ginny had the overwhelming urge to find Chris. She shoved it down, knowing it would only end badly. Chris would recognise her, even without her unique details, Ginny knew it. If she wanted her to be safe, to be happy, they had to stay separate. Ginny would avoid her at all costs, give her the time and space to move on. Then, maybe one day, she wouldn’t remember her. She wouldn’t recognise her without her curls or her freckles or her scar. She would be able to go up to her in the street, say hello, pretend like Chris wasn’t her everything, both before and now. Maybe they’d be able to start again, maybe she’d make up a new name and be an entirely new person. She was good at acting. But maybe Chris would find someone else. Maybe.

Without even thinking about it, Ginny found herself walking around the local park, the park where she and Chris would always go after school. They’d walk all the paths, talk about anything and everything, and sometimes they wouldn’t talk at all, just walk through the trees happy with each other’s company. It was the place they’d confessed their feelings, the place they’d been on so many dates, the place that had become theirs. She took a deep breath and sat down on their favourite bench, closing her eyes and remembering all the moments they had shared together in the months they were girlfriends, in the years they were friends. She wanted to make sure she remembered all of it, even the smallest of things. Even if she couldn’t be with her any more, she would keep all of the memories close if her death depended on it.

Then, her thoughts were cut off by a voice, oddly familiar but sniffly.

“Ginny?”

Ginny thought she had imagined it. She had to have. But then she looked up and standing in front of her was Chris Noel. She looked as gorgeous as ever, the sunlight illuminating behind her, making it look as though she had a halo. Ginny almost smiled. Then she looked closer. Chris seemed so tired, and had dark circles under her eyes. She’d been crying.

No. Ginny thought. No, this can’t be happening. This wasn’t supposed to happen. But then the voice was speaking again.

“Gin…is that you?”

[forbidden-creepypasta]

Other Planes

Hey guys, this is the first pasta I've written. Probably the first story i've written since elementary school, I guess. I've been reading pastas for a while and figured I would try writing my own. I wrote it this afternoon because i'm trying to figure out what i'm interested in. Just lookin for any tips that can help me improve my writing. It's a little long and rambling I think, but i'm hoping you guys can help

Other Planes

Dear John,

I don’t know who else to write. We used to shoot heroin together, and you’re the only person I can think of who got clean, and stayed clean. I don’t know where I will be or if I will be breathing when this reaches you. I’m writing you to try to get my mind off of this, and to get my story out if something worse happens.

I haven’t touched it in five days. Five days, five hundred days, no difference to me. I miss it so much, but I know what will happen if I decide to indulge. I hadn’t slept since the last time I had it. 5 days ago. My mind is racing. I can hear cars outside my window, but we’re on different planets. I try to keep my mind clear, but my thoughts all return to that damn little red bottle with its damn child proof cap. Child proof, how ridiculous. Why can’t there be an adult proof bottle? I have tasted the forbidden apple, and it has changed me. Well, what did I expect? That bastard in the suit selling it said it would be a life changing experience. He didn’t say what kind of life changing experience, he didn’t say that it would torture me to the very core.

So why is it that this bottle still haunts and taunts me even though it brings out the worst in me? Well, the answer is obvious to anyone who has done a mind altering substance. The two E’s. Escape and Euphoria. Oh god it’s good man. It’s better than any combination of drugs I can imagine. You won’t belive how I found it, to be honest, I’m having trouble remembering exactly how it came into my posession. I was in a bind. I’d been up on speedballs for a good while, how long, I can’t be sure. By that point I was injecting in between my toes. It was painful, but fuck it, it worked. You know how it is John.

Of course, as happens with most junkies, I ran out of money. I had nothing left, not even anything to sell, and I definitely couldn’t prostitute myself. I was skin and bones, had no appetite, but what the hell did I care, I was high. But of course, I started coming down, and with that comes the anxiety, the fear. I started freaking out calling all of my contacts begging for just a single hit, anything to keep myself from crashing. Of course they told me to fuck myself until I paid them for the last free hit. I must have owed 4 different dealers money.

I was screwed. The drugs had been wearing off for an hour or longer, and my mind was speeding. I decided I’d go out for a walk and do whatever it took to keep this high going. I grabbed my brown jacket, and whipped it over my shivering body. I don’t even remember if I closed my door, much less locked it. I had one thing on my mind, and one thing only, man. Drugs. I checked out all the usual spots. But I couldn’t find anyone. Benny on third, Mike at the park. Nobody was where they should be. I guess I should have taken it as odd, but I wasn’t even thinking. Come to think of it, I don’t remember seeing anyone else on the street.

I was thinking how I might have to resort to sucking dick for drugs for the first time in my life, when I noticed a light coming from a back alley between some shitty thrift store and a market. I figured maybe some dude was smoking a spliff or something, and hopefully I could mooch myself a little to keep myself going. So off I go down this dark, dreary, dirty alleyway. It was the strangest thing, from the outside it looked like a tiny passage, but once you got walking in a little deeper it really opened up into a large area. The light source was a small black stand in the back left corner of the clearing. There was a small figure standing behind it. It didn’t make sense because I knew the shape of the buildings, and there shouldn’t be a large clearing here, but that was the last thing on my mind. Like I said, one thing on the brain.

So I finally get to where the light is coming from, but it was not what I expected. From a distance, I couldn’t quite tell if the person was male or female, and getting closer did little to clear up the confusion. He was wearing a white suit, white shoes, and a white cowboy hat. I remember hearing spurs jingle when he moved around. I thought I caught the gleam of a pistol in his belt, but it could have just been a belt buckle for all I cared. It gets kind of fuzzy when I think of it, but I remember he or she was missing an eye. No eye patch, just an empty socket. As scared as I was, the person called me over and I felt drawn to uh.. it. I walked over, and when I got closer it said “You’re lookin a little down chum.” With an English accent.

So the situation is this: it’s wearing a white suit, behind a black stand, with a possible gun in his waist, I’m alone in the alley, and I decided it was a good idea to see what he was offering. In your sober state John, you must think I’m an idiot, but you have to remember how it was when you needed a fix. Anyway I walked over and asked what he was doing here. He told me he was “Just tryin’ to get by”. Well, I didn’t ask questions and judging by the looks of his stand and all the assorted jars and smaller bottles on it, I figured he wasn’t selling vegetables. I decided he had to be selling stolen prescription drugs judging by the bottles with labels on them. And then I saw it.

It was like he/she wanted it to stand out. All of the jars were black, and all of the small bottles were white. But right in the front centre, was a red bottle with no words on it. As soon as he saw my eyes dart to it, he said, “Ah I see you have noticed my most prized possession.” Of course I didn’t ask who he was or what the fuck he was doing here, I just asked what was in the bottle. He said “This bottle holds something different for each curious mind. I can see you have a love for escaping reality, and this bottle will give you everything and more than you could ever want. It will change your life.” I didn’t even ask him to clarify what drug it was, I just snatched it from his hand and ran away. I got a strange feeling as I was running away, and when I reached the exit of the alley, I could have sworn I heard a girl release a glass shattering scream that ended with a cackle, and it shook me to my core.

The noise stays with me, I can still hear it clearly. Once I gathered myself, and tried to shake it off, my mind drifted back to the bottle that was now tucked into my pocket. I took it out. It felt like there was only a single pill inside. I opened it up, and as expected, a small white circle stared back up at me. I figured fuck it, it couldn’t be that bad, and it’s better than nothing. I took it out, popped it in my mouth, swallowed it, and ran home. Thinking back on it now, it’s funny how the mind works when it’s craving. I took a pill from a complete stranger and downed it without even thinking, just to get back on that cloud.

I got home, and had been waiting an hour, and nothing was happening. The sweats were getting worse, and the anxiety was killing me. I kept thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve got a hit of anything, and worrying that this pill would do nothing. But my fears were quickly dissipated when I felt a strange tingle in my spine. And from that tingle a warm feeling of cool euphoria, like a river pulsing through my body, rushed through me. It was great. At the same time as the euphoria, the hallucinations started. Every colour became vivid, I swear I even saw some colours I had never seen before. I was transported to a never ending garden with the most beautiful flowers and plants I had ever seen. The greenest grass, the freshest fruit. Sitting on the bench in the distance was a woman. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Long flowing blonde hair, a perfect smile, perfect curves. I swear she was an angel. She just sat there on a bench smiling at me. The best part of all this was that I felt no fear, just amazement and ecstasy. It was better than any amount of heroin. I couldn’t believe it. It was the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt, and for the next few hours (I lost track of exactly how long it lasted), I was in complete heaven just staring at her smile. She never moved.

You can’t even imagine it, John. I wasn’t even thinking about the come down, but the absolute first second when I noticed the drugs effects waning, I was transported back to my room. Except it was different. I couldn’t see colour. Everything became black and white. This scared the hell out of me, I didn’t know what was happening. I ran to the bottle to maybe look for some words or anything about side effects. I wasn’t colour blind for fuck’s sake. This isn’t supposed to happen. I picked up the bottle and was looking for any markings on it, when I heard something jingle inside. “What the hell?” I thought. I opened it up, and there, sitting in the bottom of the bottle, was another pill. I swear I heard that girl’s scream again, but I figured it was just the come down and some kind of auditory hallucination.

Fuck it I thought, and snatched it up and swallowed it in one motion. An ear shattering scream floored me, and I was quickly back in the world I had just left. But this time it was different. Everything was still black and white. The girl was still sitting on the bench, but this time her hair was black. Instead of a beautiful smile, it was a disgusting snarl. Her perfect curves gave way to boney arms and legs, bending in ways I didn’t think possible. If the girl I saw before was an angel, this girl was a demon. She also didn’t move. She just sat there snarling, and I couldn’t shake her gaze. I had never been so scared in my life. For what seemed like an eternity, I was completely paralyzed by fear. My mind was only thinking the most disgusting and vile thoughts a person could possibly think of.

After what seemed like another eternity, it disappeared, and I was back in my room. But it wasn’t my room. I was still colour blind. The girl was in my room with me. She became a mixture of both of the hallucinations, the beautiful and the ugly. Half black hair, half white, half snarl, half smile. She still caused me great fear, and at the same time great ecstasy. Her stare still never left my face. She spoke to me once when I finally got past my feelings and pushed some words out of my mouth. I asked her what was happening to me, and where I was. She told me that this is purgatory. She said there was only one way out, and I realized she was talking about the bottle. I jingled the bottle, and sure enough there was another pill inside.

My eyes left the bottle to glance at her one last time, she had got up and was menacingly sprinting at me. I tried to scream, but before the scream left my mouth she was on me and everything became black.

When the darkness cleared and I realized I was awake, I was on the ground outside that dark alley between that shitty thrift store and that market. I was still suffering the bad withdrawal, and my mind kept shifting between what the hell just happened to me, and how the hell I was going to get my fix again. My arm brushed my jacket, and I heard a pill jingle in a bottle in my pocket. I was too scared to take out the bottle and validate my fear that what had just happened to me was real. Finally, overcoming my fear and shivering, I punched my hand into my pocket, and pulled it out. And there in my hand, was the red bottle with the single pill jingling inside.

There was still nobody on the streets, and I still had no way to score. I ran back to my apartment, and here I’ve been for the past 5 days staring at the bottle. I’ve been looking out my window, and I haven’t seen a car or a person since the alley incident. I don’t feel like I’m even on Earth anymore. The withdrawal does not get better, and it does not get worse. It simply is, and I cannot think of anything else. Now I am stuck with the dilemma of the bottle. Do I take the pill? I can’t be sure what happened was real. I am so afraid of going back to that hellish place, but maybe I will get the heaven? I can’t live like this forever. I’ve thought about killing myself, but then I might as well just take the pill and see what happens.

That’s it. I’ve decided it. I’m going to take the pill. I realize now that I might as well already be in hell. As I feel it move down my throat, I hear an ear piercing scream and everything goes black as a man in a white cowboy hat drags me down through the floor.

Credit to: fakeup

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝐌𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐚! 𝐀𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳: 𝐀𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging, nor promoting mafia behavior or lifestyle. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Suggestive themes but nothing too explicit, scenes containing violence and kidnappings.

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

Hongjoong could already sense that something was off the moment he noticed the door wasn't locked and even more worrying was the fact it was slightly ajar. Quickly taking out his gun just in case, he kicked open the door and widened his eyes as it appeared like some struggle took place. Chairs were turnt over, busted picture frames and glass scattered across the floor, and even more terrifying, droplets of blood were seen.

"Y/N!" He quickly remembered about his spouse.

Running into the bedroom, it was in an even bigger disarray than the living room. On the bed, there was a note folded for him to read. Carefully opening it with trembling hands, his eyes took in each letter. Furiously, he crumbled up the paper and quickly dialed his most trusted friend.

"Get the squad ready."

Although you expected that sooner or later you'd be targeted just for the fact you were married to Hongjoong, nothing could have prepared you for it. After all, Hongjoong didn't seem to care much about you, treating your marriage strictly like a business deal and hardly interacting with you. It wouldn't have surprised you if he didn't even care enough to show up and save you.

But you were wrong when he broke in himself and got you safely out of there, despite having suffered quite a few injuries that had you worrying.

"Stop fretting over it, it's just a scratch." He told you when you tried to wipe the blood trickling down the side of his head wound.

"I'm sorry......you're hurt because I-"

"No one is to blame here but me. I chose to go after you and rescue you because I wanted to. If anything, I should be apologizing for getting you in this situation in the first place."

Sighing softly, you tugged at the dirtied sleeves of your shirt.

"It's not like it's really your fault. We were thrown together and naturally they thought they could get the upper hand if they captured me. And to be honest.....you didn't have to save me. I know you don't care about-"

With a loud gasp, you shut up when Hongjoong unexpectedly sat up and kissed you. You were stunned to react and even more shocked by his next words.

"I always cared. And that's precisely why you were kidnapped. From the start, I acted as if I didn't care about you to protect you. They would have never taken you if they thought that I had no regards for you whatsoever. However, I obviously couldn't hide my feelings that well, given the taunting letter they left me. As soon as I read it, I knew I had to get you back to me as soon as possible."

Kissing the top of your forehead, Hongjoong smiled at you for the first time in your marriage life.

"And I'm happy to take you back to our home, where you rightfully belong."

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

Putting the finishing touches on your makeup and fixing your hair, you beamed with joy at your reflection in the mirror. You felt truly beautiful and walked out into the living room, where your handsome husband was currently on his phone, no doubt talking about some business things with Hongjoong. He seemed to always be busy, never having any time for anything else.

Including you, which somewhat hurt you.

"I'm ready." You told him, shyly tucking some of your hair behind your ear as you hoped he'd like the dress you were wearing, choosing a blue color since you knew it was his favorite.

"Ok. Go wait out in the limousine, I'll be there shortly."

Barely even giving you a glance, he dialed Hongjoong up and continued to further discuss some matters. Sighing softly, you walked rather disappointed out to the car, slamming the door behind you. When Seonghwa joined you a few minutes later, you didn't even care to hide your anger and frustration at him. You still had a scowling look on your face when you arrived at the party, not bothering this time to stick by Seonghwa's side like you usually did other times, playing the role of a perfect and loving wife. And Seonghwa neither noticed nor cared about it. In fact, he never really hid how little your marriage seemed to matter to him. Perhaps he treated it as any other business he owned.

"Such a pity to see such a beautiful lady look so down during such a lovely evening."

Recognizing the voice as Minho, a friend of Seonghwa, you forced a small smile.

"Not really much to be happy about really." You merely stated.

"Is your oh so loving hubby being the usual prince charming he is?" He rolled his eyes, knowing full well just like everyone else how he really treated you.

"What difference does it make? He'll never even look at me."

Unable to let the opportunity go to waste, even if it was his friend, Minho gently caressed your cheek.

"You know....... maybe you should stop trying so hard for a jerk like him....and maybe open your eyes to someone who actually knows you exist."

You were frozen when he leaned in to kiss you, then gasped loudly when none other than Seonghwa pushed him off you, sending Minho crashing onto one of the tables behind him.

"She is my wife! And the next time you touch her, I will cut your hand off!" He warned him.

You didn't even have time to process what was happening as Seonghwa dragged you outside, his grip on your wrist tight and fierce. When you reached the car, you were going to ask him what was going on but you had no time as he pressed you against the car and began to kiss you fervently and hungrily. You were left speechless and breathless, with your legs getting weak as he let out low snarls in between his kisses on your neck.

"Mine.......you're all mine."

❥𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

Both Yunho and you were beyond nervous at this point, hell you actually felt somewhat terrified. You knew exactly what his parents wanted when they organized this 'family vacation'. This wasn't a getaway to spend time together and they made it obviously clear at dinner when you came back from the bathroom and overheard him arguing with his parents.

"You know I can't ask her to do that!" Yunho adamantly said.

"You've been married for over a year Yunho. It's time and you know it." His mother insisted.

"I will not impregnate her. Have you ever considered her feelings? Maybe she doesn't want kids. Maybe I don't want kids, have you ever thought of that?" He asked them, voice getting more agitated.

"It's both of your duties to produce heirs to keep control and stability in the organization. Your life is at risk on a daily basis. If you die with no children it'll only cause chaos and disruption." His father reminded him.

That was the one thing you dreaded facing since the day you said "I do", having to be forced to become nothing more than a baby maker. Yunho knew from the beginning how uncomfortable you were during your first night together, that's why he ended up sleeping in another room, as he had done every day afterwards, not wanting you to freak out and giving you your space.

But now you both stared at the single king sized bed in your hotel room, reality staring you in the face. Neither of you said a word as you took turns changing and getting ready to go to sleep in the bathroom, Yunho letting you go first. As you crept into the bed, your hands tightly held onto the blanket, your eyes staring blankly at the ceiling, unaware of anything until you felt the bed shift next to you. You inhaled sharply when you felt Yunho's fingers caress your hair.

"Y/N-"

"Just get it over with will you?! Just knock me up and make your parents happy. I don't care anymore."

Although you tried to sound strong, the tremble in your voice gave you away. You could feel tears starting to well up in your eyes. When Yunho moved to hover above you, you instantly shut your eyes, tears lightly spilling out. You could feel his breath ghost over your lips and then suddenly they moved as he planted the gentlest of kiss on your forehead.

"Good night my dear. I promise I won't take up too much space."

Confused you open your eyes and watched as Yunho turned on his side, facing away from you as he scooted to give you as much room as he possibly could.

"I don't...I don't understand why..." You didn't even know what you were asking at this point.

"I'm not going to be that asshole that will make you do something you're not prepared for. I respect, value and admire you too much to make you go through that. I'll just wait until you're ready."

You weren't going to deny that your heart fluttered at his words.

"But your parents-"

"They can suck it. I've lived this long, I think I'll be fine. They can wait like I'm willing to wait. The only downside is putting up with their bullshit and nagging for disobeying them...."

You could tell he was falling asleep by the way his voice started to mumble and lower in tone, and his tiny yawn made it more obvious. You were prepared for his cute tiny rambling but you didn't expect what he said next.

"But that's what I get for falling in love with you..."

❥𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

Yeosang stared out the spacious window of his office, the glittering city lights looking as splendid as they did every night, bustling with sounds of the inhabitants coming out to party and overall enjoy life. They seemed to be mocking him, mocking him for being happy while he felt miserable and empty inside.

It had been hours since you had already left, your plane had probably already landed back to your hometown and you were now ready to settle into your new life....away from him. He couldn't stop replaying the argument you had just a day ago:

"Can't you at least pretend to care?" You spat out, dropping your fork against the plate of food in front of you.

"If you know what I'm like, why even ask?" Was his only reply.

"Yes I know what you're like! You're cold, stoic, soulless and have no regards for anyone's feelings but your own! Being married to you all these years, I know you better than anyone! But I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you not caring enough to even try." She could feel her voice starting to crack.

Letting out a deep sigh, Yeosang pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"From the beginning, you knew what you were getting in to. We didn't get married because we were a couple of lovestruck fools wanting to vow our lives to each other. Our parents arranged it and we had no choice. If you were stupid enough to catch feelings well then..."

Finally lifting his gaze to look at you, his eyes were unwavering as he coldly declared:

"That's not my fault. And you can't expect me to reciprocate your feelings when I don't even have any to begin with."

Not taking anymore, you began crying tears of heartbreak, anger, frustration and indignation all at the same time. Standing up, you firmly declared your intent of going back home, not willing to put up or stay with him anymore.

"Ok."

Not even a goodbye, a farewell or even another look at you. Those were his final words before you stormed out and made preparations to leave as soon as possible. Yeosang had spent the entire day pacing back and forth, unable to think or do anything except look at the clock almost every hour. He had been counting the seconds since your flight was scheduled to leave, that's how he knew you were home by then.

He cursed himself for being a coward. For not speaking up and telling you how much you actually meant to him, how scared he was of his feelings for you, and most of all, he hated himself for not running out to stop you. Now you were gone from his life forever........ unless....

"Get my plane ready."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

San and you didn't even meet each other until you were both standing at the altar, families ready to join together two criminal organizations to grow their power even further. Both of you looked at each and instantly felt what the other was feeling: shock, denial, insecurity, but most of all, fear. Both of you were afraid of what was going to happen. Though he was trembling just as much as you, San made sure to reach for your hand, squeezing it in his own. With that small gesture, you knew and felt what he was silently saying:

"We're going to get through this together. Just trust me and believe in me. I'll take care of you. You're not alone in this and I'll be right there by your side."

You two got along fairly well, even if there was still awkwardness between the two of you. You were both also still shy around each other that you wouldn't talk unless it was necessary or because something caught one or the other's attention and wanted to share their thoughts out loud, which the other one would try to enthusiastically add on to converse more, but it always ended in awkward laughter.

Yeah. It was extremely awkward. But at least there was no hostility between you two and you guys did enjoy watching movies together at times, hardly speaking a word, but there was no silence at all. You could read each other's minds and feelings all the time. It was truly strange how in tune your thoughts seemed to be at times and scary too. Your mind began to recall times when strange things happened like the time you were craving a certain food and coincidentally, San came later with the exact same food because he got a feeling you wanted some. Or the time you were supposed to go visit extended family but in the end didn't get on the train and went straight home because you felt San needed you. He thought you were crazy, but later that night he was burning up with a fever and you spent your weekend nursing him back to health.

"What did this all mean?" You both thought to yourselves.

"A soulmate is someone that just gets you. It's a connection of minds, a mutual respect, an unconditional love and a total understanding. It's about being yourself and knowing, not only that person is following and understanding your thoughts, but is right there with you, side by side." The actress in the movie you were watching said.

Suddenly everything seemed to click. At the moment both of you felt like the answer to your questions were finally answered. Slowly you both turned and faced one another. Giving you a warm smile as he read your thoughts, San leaned in to cup your cheek with one hand, his thumb drawing circles around it. Brushing his lips against yours, he sighed blissfully as he looked in your eyes.

"My lovely soulmate..."

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

When Mingi met you, he was sort of put off by how different you were from him.

"Hi! I'm Y/N, your soon to be wife but please don't think of me as that if you don't want to. Think of me as your friend. I just know we'll get along!"

You were actually squealing and wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug, almost bouncing up and down with joy while Mingi just stood there stiff as a pole, wondering what the hell made you be so happy and cheerful like that.

"Ok.....ok got it, you can let go now." He tried to squirm out of your embrace, but you merely tightened your grip on him causing him to let out a harsh "oof!" at your strength.

"For such a tiny person, you sure aren't weak." He pointed out.

Married life with you for Mingi was...... different to say the least. He was used to such a gloomy, dark and hostile environment that having a tiny bubble bursting with energy was unusual and not something he was accustomed to. You always greeted him with such enthusiasm and happiness, not to mention you were such a caring housewife, always feeding him and taking care of him. Sometimes Mingi questioned whether you've ever seen the harsh side of the mafia world. Judging by your love for life and others, he guessed no.

And his assumptions were correct when you both were at a party held by some of his other mafia friends. Taking advantage of the occasion, rival gangs infiltrated the building. Storming in, explosions went off in several places, and gun shots were being fired at all directions. Mingi quickly jumped up and tackled you onto the ground, covering your body from the bullets that were being poured out. Taking your hand, he told you to stay down as he safely guided you out of the hall. Once you guys were far away, he quickly sprung up, pulling you up with him as he began running towards the nearest exit, pulling out his hidden gun just in case. You were in shock, even more when you guys passed a couple of dead bodies in the hallway. Feeling sick, you don't even remember how Mingi managed to get you both out of there alive and in one piece before the entire place burst into flames. Staring at the raging fire, you felt like you couldn't breathe, desperately trying to gasp for air.

"Honey, look at me. Look at me ok? You're safe. You're all right and you're going to be all right. Nothing is going to happen to you ok?"

You nodded, trying to choke back tears and forcing a smile on your face, but ultimately failing. Seeing you break down, Mingi immediately pulled you into his arms, his fingers running through your hair as he felt his heart break. You were such a fragile, sensitive and extremely precious person to him. He couldn't bear to see his ray of sunshine and hope in his dark world break down in front of him. He knew had to protect you at all costs and take care of you.

"It's ok my darling angel. I won't let any harm come to you. I swear on my life I'll protect you."

Wiping your tears away, he kissed the top of your head and smiled warmly at you.

"Come on. I'll take you home and have one of those cuddling sessions you always enjoy having."

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

You wanted to die, and that wasn't an understatement. You felt utterly humiliated at the fact your parents actually sold you into marriage to some mafia lord's son to pay off their debts. You didn't even have time to process anything, one day you were just bound and stuffed into the back of a car and soon found yourself inside a grand old mansion. You felt alone and scared, unsure of what was going to happen to you. And you were beyond trembling when you met your future husband, expecting some evil and sadistic man when in reality:

"Hi! I'm Jung Wooyoung, your soon to be husband and I can tell we're going to be really happy together!"

He greeted you with just a charismatic enthusiasm, eyes practically beaming when he first saw you.

"Hi, I'm L/N Y/N, the girl that's going to be caged to you for life......or death. Whichever comes first."

He laughed at that, coming closer and squeezed your cheeks.

"You're so cute, I'm already in love with you."

Love? You seriously thought he was insane. You certainly didn't fall in love with him at first sight. And even after months of being married to him, you still didn't felt love towards him, even though Wooyoung tried anything and everything to not only make life easier for you, but in hopes of getting you to reciprocate his feelings.

"Hey Y/N. Look! I got you a present! Open it. I know you'll love it."

You groaned at the thought of another expensive present being given to you. You felt bad that he went through all these troubles when they'd all end in vain. Peeling the ribbon off the huge box, you didn't even get to open the box since the Welsh Corgi inside jumped out and tackled you to the ground. You couldn't help but giggle when it began licking your face, its tail wagging out of joy.

"I knew you'd like him. Now he can keep you company so you won't be lonely while I'm gone."

Rolling your eyes, you couldn't let the opportunity pass to poke fun at him.

"Who said I was even going to miss you?" You chuckled, petting the dog's head.

"You never know." Wooyoung insisted.

Leaving you for 5 months, you couldn't believe you actually started to miss his obnoxiously loud presence. Sure your puppy kept you complaining and cuddled you, but it wasn't the same. You hated to admit it....

But you actually wanted Wooyoung to come back and smother you with what you always referred to as his annoying affection.

Opening the front door, Wooyoung called out that he was home. He smiled when he was greeted by his furry friend rather enthusiastically. But he was not expecting for you to run out and jump at him, your arms wrapping around his neck. Although he stumbled slightly, he made sure to catch you, your legs wrapping around his waist.

"Y/N are you-?"

He widened his eyes when you crashed your lips on his, kissing him as if your life depended on it. Once getting over the shock, he had a smug grin as he kissed you back.

"Told you you'd miss me."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

Jongho terrified you. From day one, you were intimidated by him. He always had a blank expression, hardly talked and he had a reputation for being brutally strong. Obviously you felt like you were walking on eggshells around him, afraid to piss him off. Anytime he called out to you or came near you, your body would jump.

"Y/N..."

Shrieking, you turned around when you felt his hand brush against your lower back. Tilting his head, he raised an eyebrow at your reaction.

"I needed something from the cabinet."

Without breaking eye contact, his hands gripped your waist as he slightly moved you to the side, fingers digging into your skin. After having gotten what he wanted, his thumb poked your nose as he winked at you.

"Thanks doll."

You swore he was teasing you. He'd purposefully use any occasion to show off his strength to you, his favorite being cutting up wood in the yard with an axe. You couldn't help but stare at his arms that were visible due to him wearing a sleeveless shirt. When he noticed you staring, he sent a smug smile your way which caused you to blush and you immediately retreated back inside the house.

There was also the time he accidentally walked in on you changing. There you were, standing in nothing but your lacy underwear set, for some reason not embarrased or hiding yourself as Jongho inhaled deeply as his eyes raked your body. Subtly biting his lips, he apologized before reluctantly leaving the room.

Both of you were frustrated by that point, tired of the light teasing. Jongho was the one who decided to put a stop to it one night he came home from a mission. He had been badly hurt and you, worrying about him, sat him down to tend to his wounds. It was a struggle since he had to remove his shirt and you were blushing violently, eyes always looking away.

"It's ok doll. I'm your husband...you can look at me."

His hands that were holding onto your arms began caressing your elbows, subtly pulling you closer to him without you noticing until you were firmly planted on his lap.

"Do you want me my little doll?" He asked you, voice in a low whisper as his breath fanned over your lips.

"Cause I've wanted you since the first day I laid my eyes on you."

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners.

[dreamescapeswriting]

SKZ Reaction | Protective Because Of Sasaengs

Chan:

It was the usual crowd of people that followed the boys around but something just felt off today, Chan was holding on your hand tightly while his laptop was in his carry on in the other. He was always the protective one in the relationship but lately, with the newest comeback things had gotten a little crazier, fans were starting to act insane and more Sasaengs were starting to crawl out of the woodwork.

"Chan," You whispered as he tightened his grip on your hand, the place was overly crowded and you could see that the other boys were starting to worry about it as well.

"I know," He whispered back to you making sure to hold you as close as he could get you. He didn't want anything to happen to you while he was responsible for you and he also didn't want someone to grab onto you. While he was busy focusing on you he'd neglected to cling tightly enough onto the case he was carrying his laptop in and someone snatched it.

"Babe!" Chan yelled trying to stop you running after them, his arms grasped you tightly to stop you rushing away so that the security guards could do their jobs. Your breathing was heavy as you got angrier at the thought of someone coming that close to Chan like that, they could have grabbed him or one of the boys, seriously hurt them.

"Hey, look at me. Look." Chan pulled you behind the barriers were fans were being held off from and he forced you to look into his eyes.

"I'm okay, look." You stared up into his eyes as he cupped your cheeks, though his face was covered by the mask he was wearing you could tell he was doing his best to keep a smile on his face and keep you calm throughout all of this.

"We're all okay," You stared into his eyes trying to search for any sign that he wasn't but you could read him like a book, his laptop was returned instantly and you both began walking towards the terminal you needed.

Minho:

Your day had been amazing, not a single person had noticed that you and Minho had taken the day off to go shopping and doing basic tourist things together. It felt like a regular date with him rather than having to sprint away from destinations hand in hand trying to avoid crazy fans who stalked him.

"We should do it again," You said softly as you sat in the back of Soul Cup cafe waiting for your drinks, the date was slowly coming to an end and you were going to have one more drink before you left him.

"I think I have another day off next week, I'll ask Chan when I get back to the dorms." He sat down in front of you so he was facing away from the entrance so no one would notice him if they happened to come into the cafe.

"Yeah that sounds-" You stopped yourself talking when the bell above the door began to chime and crowds of people begin to walk in and began looking around, you immediately knew one of them. You'd spotted her around all day but thought it would just be a coincidence but now it was positive to you that she was a Sasaeng.

"Minho..." You whispered looking at him as she spotted you in the corner together,

"We need to leave, can you get out any other way?" He nodded his head explaining the back exit for employees and you nodded at him.

"Go, go and I'll figure out how to take care of these-" You were pulled out of your seat by him as he rushed you both towards the back exit. He wasn't about to let you try and stop Sasaengs when some security guards could barely do that,

"Just run and don't look back." He chuckled holding onto your hand tightly and headed in the direction of a car park where he could lose them all.

Changbin:

You hated when the crowds picked up whenever you were out with the guys, the last time it got bad like this your bag was stolen because they thought it would have something inside of it but luckily Changbin had thought ahead and told you to put your things in his pockets. This time however someone had just made off with your phone and Changbin was left trying to get a security guard to find it.

"It has everything on their Changbin, your number, the boys, everything." You panicked looking around, you were about ready to kick ass for someone coming that close to you and Changbin when they weren't supposed to. People had been grabbing onto the guys all morning and trying to pull them closer but luckily security had been doing a decent job up until now.

"What if they get your number!?" You panicked looking back at him, his hands cupped your face forcing you to look at him instead of around at the crowds of people.

"Look at me, if they have my number I can change it. That's changeable." He promised you, you knew how much Sasaengs terrified him as well, you'd seen it when one of them had followed him and Jeongin home one night.

"I just can't stand the thought of someone-" You were cut off when your phone was being held up in front of your face, a girl - that couldn't have been any older than 15 was holding it up for you.

"We saw a Sasaeng running off with it so we chased after her," You turned to see three girls all aged around the same age and you smiled thanking them as you took your phone back from them.

"I owe you guys one," You yelled as you began moving with Changbin and the boys again.

Hyunjin:

People had been crowding around the JYP building for hours, you should have expected it since one of the Sasaengs that constantly followed Hyunjin had tweeted out where he was and who he was with - you. STAY had been positive about the relationship finally being out in the open since JYP was hardly one to allow their Idol's to date, they were happy to see Hyunjin was happy with you. However, Sasaengs hadn't taken it great and were using their platforms to tweet out where you both were at every minute of every day.

"We have to get home, the car is outside alright?" You said to Hyunjin, you were ready to protect him through everything and if that meant standing on one side of him while a guard took the other you were willing to do that.

"Hold my hand alright?" You knew how nervous he got around things like this so you wanted to make sure he was going to be okay with everything happening,

"Lets go." You whispered moving in time with the giant guard, as soon as you stepped outside screaming started, begging for pictures and flashing lights. You weren't used to any of it at all but you kept your head down trying to head towards the car when a cup of freezing liquid splashed across your top.

"Car now." Hyunjin ordered pushing you faster and away from the Sasaeng that had thrown the cold drink over you, a couple of them started yelling about how it was your fault they weren't allowed to have photos when it had been the policy that he wasn't allowed to stop at all.

"You alright?" You asked as soon as the door shut and he shook his head at you,

"I'm supposed to be the one asking you that not the other way around." He sighed, searching through his bag for a shirt that you could change into.

Jisung:

Jisung span you around under his arm before pulling you back towards him and smiling down at you, even though the mask covered his face you could still sense how big his smile was.

"You alright? You've been weird all night." By all night he meant the last couple of hours, you'd snuck out of the dorms together at 3 in the morning to go to a local 24-hour store and get ice cream. It was one of the best times to get out because no one would suspect it, no one could guess that you'd been wandering around the streets together. He was in his usual disguise though - hoodie, baseball cap and a giant mask to cover his face.

"I just feel like we're being followed, ever since we left the store." You whispered looking around for any sign that it was true, it wasn't uncommon for Sasaeng's to follow Jisung around but since it had come out that you were together as a couple they'd began following you as well.

"We're alone-" He stopped midsentence when he heard the familiar sound of a camera shutter, that was all it took. You took his hand in yours and began walking in the opposite direction of the dorms, you weren't about to get him and the boys caught up in all of this. You didn't want to have their dorms address spread all over the internet, so you took Jisung through alleyways and back streets to get out of the way of the Sasaeng, you'd take these routes a lot over the last year of dating Jisung, you knew what you were doing.

Felix:

You knew flying with the boys was never easy but you would have thought it would calm down once you were on the plane but it hadn't. Some Sasaeng's had managed to get tickets onto the same flight as you, Felix and Chan. You were heading to Australia for part of their time off but people had managed to find out your flight times despite it being as early in the morning as possible and booked under false names they'd found you.

"They're right in front of us babe." You wanted to do something to protect both Felix and Chan but they didn't seem that phased by it, they had been in the game a lot longer than you had but it didn't stop you worrying about Felix.

"I know but I need to use the restroom, I can't hold it for a 10 hour long flight." You sighed watching as he got up from the chair and made his way down, the moment the fan saw him she got up from her seat. You went to stand up when Chan laid his hand on yours and shook his head, instantly a flight attendant and a security guard was escorting the ''fan'' back to her seat and making sure that Felix was on his own the entire time. They really would stop at nothing to be alone with the boys and it scared the hell out of you,

"See, told you it was fine," Felix smirked at you sitting down next to you again and laying his head on your shoulder. They were probably going to sleep through the whole flight but you couldn't. You felt like you were going to stay awake the entire time just to keep an eye on both of the boys.

Seungmin:

There was a huge crowd gathering around outside the small game shop that you and Seungmin had walked into, you were hunting for a new game for your switch and Seungmin decided to tag along with you  - it seemed like no problem at first but then people started to recognise him and tweet out about where he was.

"Y/n?" You looked up at the guard that was manning the door of the shop making sure that no one else had access into the building,

"Hmm?" He pointed at one of the girls standing at the door, she was wearing one of the shortest dresses you'd ever seen and waved at you.

"Claims she knows you?" You shook your head, you'd never seen her before in your life but Seungmin had,

"She's one of them," Was all he said to the guard before moving you away from the door.

"Sasaeng? They're everywhere." You whispered wrapping your arm around Seungmins waist and moving further into the store not wanting to be stared at by anyone that was looking through the window. They'd been getting creative lately, instead of just following the boys around they'd started to follow you hoping that you would lead them back to your apartment or the dorms but you never did. You took shortcuts to lose them but if you couldn't find a way to lose them you wouldn't go home, you'd go somewhere more public where plenty of people could see you and you could lose them in the crowds. All you wanted to do was protect Seungmin from them but some of them were insane.

I.N:

You and Jeongin had lost the guard when you were fighting to get out of the huge crowd that had been to swarm around you both. You'd gone on a day trip to a small mall thinking it would be easy enough not to be spotted but all it took was one fangirl seeing you and it was all over the internet, where you were, what he was wearing so they could easily find you.

"I think we lost them." You breathed heavily bending over on your knees to try and catch your breath, Jeongin held onto your hand tightly trying to keep hold of you in case they suddenly found you again when you heard a camera. You turned to see one of the girls you'd seen a million times, she was always around no matter what, she'd followed you both onto a plane once.

"Jeongin, behind me." You whispered you weren't sure what you were going to do but him being behind you felt like one of the best ideas for now.

"Y/n, you can't-" Her hand reached out to touch him as she started yelling about how much she loved him so you pushed him back away from her before pulling him into a run and began sprinting through the mall together.

"Can you remember the way back to the car?" You asked while running up a set of stairs and towards the in building car park, no one had followed you out yet which was a good sign.

"Yeah, fourth floor." You got into one of the elevators instead and hit the fourth-floor button when you noticed all of them lighting up to say someone was pushing it,

"Out and run," You told him not to look back until he got to the car and that you would just meet him up there.

"All clear?" He asked as you got into the car panting heavily,

"Took them to the top floor and said that you were in the farthest car away, then I ran down the stairs and they didn't follow me." He sighed bringing you into a hug as you waited for the guard to figure out where you'd gone.

Tagline: 

@snowy-meowl​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @jooniesdarlingdimples​ @yunhoesss​

[kindofwriter]

I know Alex just intended Wilde’s robes to be ‘gay Shakespeare costume’ but I really love the idea of them being almost like ‘robes of unapologetically being yourself.’ Robes of ‘I’m not afraid to be queer, I’m not afraid to be Irish, I have bardic inspiration and I’m better than you.’ Because even if it means absolutely nothing in RQG universe, I’d like to think that’s a meaningful visual to real people.

Also, hypothetical RQG TV show where Wilde’s VA speaks fluent Irish and all his bardic castings are in Gaeilge? I want that.

Anyway, transcript under the cut:

SEASON 5, EPISODE 204

As the party enter the main room they find the table laid with a mediocre breakfast, however at each place setting there is also a parcel, wrapped in brown paper and with a note card laid on top. WILDE, already sat at the table, has clearly already opened his parcel, then hastily stuffed it back into the wrapping to appear polite. He turns to grin excitedly at HAMID, who shoots him a quizzical look.

WILDE: I think it's our lucky day!

HAMID: Oh?

AZU: Huh?

CEL: Ooh!

HAMID: Well, that's exciting!

CEL: Is that like a thing that we, uh, that, like, we, like- Are all the presents for, for, for us? Uh, do we-

ZOLF steps past HAMID, impatient rather than aggressive. He squeezes WILDE once on the shoulder, then takes a seat beside him. The rest of the party clearly take this as their cues to begin to sit at the parcels with their own name cards.

WILDE: It turns out that Augusta does actually have a role here, beyond just annoyance, which is quartermaster. So, Barret may have been sent out to fetch some things... for us?

HAMID: Oh!

ZOLF: Right.

HAMID: So, not 100% useless, that's nice! C-c-can we open them now?

WILDE shrugs - how should he know? - then makes a gesture of 'yeah, go for it' to the table.

AZU (BEAMING): Let's all open them together!

HAMID: How exciting!

HAMID leans slightly across the table, as if he's about to say something to SKRAAK, but they're already tearing into their present. From his package he removes a sturdy leather belt, studded, and buckled, with adamantine. They immediately put it on.

WILDE takes this to mean it's alright for him to re-open his own gift. He hurriedly shoves off the paper and pulls out a set of glimmering robes. They're an iridescence white, complete with a ruffle around the neck, and entirely covered in shimmering rainbow script. The text shifts, in a way that clearly marks it out as magical.Everyone pauses for a moment to look at WILDE, whose grin could split his face. It's been a while since they've seen him this happy. 

HAMID: Oh, Oscar, those are magnificent!

ZOLF (WITH A SMALL, SOFT GRIN): You are gonna look ridiculous, Wilde.

WILDE beams smugly down at ZOLF.

WILDE: I am going to look magnificent.

WILDE shakes the robes out, and a miasma of illusory glitter hits ZOLF in the face. ZOLF scowls dramatically at a laughing WILDE.

Still unfolding the robes, WILDE turns his attention to AZU, whose parcel is by far the largest. She is carefully unfolding it, grinning face barely visible about the huge package. Inside is a golden agile breast plate. As it shimmers in the light it becomes apparent that it is covered in the same kind of shifting magical scrawl as WILDE's robe.

Attached is a note that AZU reads aloud. Despite being busy with their own gifts, everyone turns as she does.

AZU: Whatever you do, don't use this inside.

This receives a round of curious looks from the table. HAMID and CEL lean in to get a better look at the armour.

AZU reaches out to turn the breast plate over in her hands, and as she does the text starts to fill in. Beginning at her hands, the shifting text slowly begins to run through with glowing pink, until the plate is more pink than gold. It's as bright as AZU's armour was on Hades' plane. The pink begins to settle, and as it does the magic text stops shifting. With a soft hum, it settles into Arabic scripture: the fundamental teachings of Aphrodite.

AZU beams with delight.

AZU: Ooh! Do you think- Do you think that don't use it means don't wear it? Or do you think I sh- could put it on but I can't get hit?

HAMID: Oh, it probably has some sort of, um, y'know, activation, like, similar to casting a spell inlaid into it, but I think wearing it you- It won't be a problem.

CEL frowns.

CEL: Yeah, like, um, I'm just, I-I'm a little concerned, it reminds me a little of, um, some of the, the symbols, uh, one learns when, uh, learning, uh, how to, to transmogrify ones shape. So I would just, think maybe, uh-

CEL inspects the armour, head cocked slightly to one side.

CEL: Maybe, uh, a triangle? Or, um, or a square? Maybe a platypus? I-I'm not exactly sure.

HAMID opens his mouth as if to refute them, but then decides to drop it. AZU carefully takes her hands off the armour - it remains pink.

HAMID, next to AZU, unwraps a long metal pole. As soon as he retrieves it from the wrapping paper gold lines begin to emanate from his hand and down the pole. They curl and flicker like flames.

Something alights in HAMID's eyes as he holds it. His hand that clutches the pole begins to sharpen and elongate, twisting into a clawed grasp. The once single point of his ears is now three, giving the impression of a reptilian ruffle. No one, not even HAMID, seems to notice.

CEL unwraps a pair of diamond lenses. They're scuffed around the edges, dusted with the debris of whatever they've been hacked out of.

CEL immediately pulls their alchemists goggles from their head, slips the lenses out, and inserts the new ones. At first it seems as though they won't fit, but as CEL begins to apply pressure they resize and slide in with ease.

ZOLF has been very carefully unwrapping his package - unknotting the string and unfolding the paper. Folded at the centre of his parcel is a thick, smoothly woven, grey cloak.

WILDE watches with curiosity as ZOLF reaches out to touch the fabric. Instantly a small smile toys at the corner of his lips. He glances across the table, making eye contact with HAMID, and widens the smile to a grin. HAMID, though taken off guard, smiles back with slightly sharpened teeth. ZOLF has turned back to the cape before he can notice.

Everyone is now chatting, inaudibly, absorbed in their gifts. CEL and SKRAAK are excitedly showing off their new accessories to each other, AZU runs her fingers over the text on her armour, ZOLF gently unfolds his cloak, WILDE has now donned his robes and is leaning back languidly in his chair. The text has stopped shifting, and has now settled as Gaeilge scripture - WILDE's 'inspire courage' performance, scrawled across his robes in rainbow ink. HAMID looks around at all of them, unable to contain his excitement at seeing all of his friends so happy.

WILDE: Well, it's nice to be appreciated again for a change-

A brief pause and a glance at ZOLF, as if he's expecting a gentle elbow to the ribs, but none comes. ZOLF is too busy smoothing out the cloak, preparing to put it on.

WILDE: Don't know about all of you.

Finally looking away from his gift, ZOLF notices that WILDE's hair is caught in his ruffle. He stands and swings the cloak quickly over his shoulders. Then, with a frustrated grunt of 'c'mere,' he shuffles behind WILDE's seat and begins to gently extract his hair from his collar. He murmurs something inaudible to WILDE, though we assume it's something nice, as it swaps WILDE's smug smile for a genuine one.

HAMID watches, grin now spreading far past the confines of his mouth. All sounds of the room begin to fade out. CEL laughs without sound. AZU pays a silent compliment to SKRAAK. WILDE tips his head back to say something to ZOLF.

Then, with a pained hiss, HAMID collapses forward, clawed hands gripping the edge of the table.

Suddenly the room is LOUD. Cries of 'Hamid!' 'What's wrong?' 'You alright?'

WILDE grips ZOLF's hand to his shoulder, now sitting bolt upright. SKRAAK is already looking round for an enemy. AZU reaches out to place a hand on HAMID's back, but as she does so the fabric of his suit begins to writhe. Two small holes are torn as brassy talons claw their way out of HAMID's back. These are quickly followed by the unfurling of immense, brass dragon's wings.

Breathing heavily, HAMID straightens again, glancing behind him. Everyone else is in utter shock.

HAMID (SOFT, SURPRISED, THOUGH NOT AT ALL DISAPPOINTED): Oh!

[boldlyvoid]

Hypothetically | chapter 11-15

summary: Reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

A/N: Set between seasons 4 and 6, not following canon. all original crimes based on real-life stories.

Warnings 18+: Murderers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Blood, Guns, mentions of autopsy, Fluff, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, bed-sharing, Riding, Unprotected Sex, Virgin Reader, Case of the Week, original crimes, Food mention, Smut, Oral Sex, Light BDSM, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Talk, obgyn appointments and info, Home Invasion, Past Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Emotional Manipulation, Grooming, Pedophilia mention, non-con oral (male receiving), Pregnant Sex, Daddy Kink, Breeding Kink, Homophobia, conversion therapy

Word Count: 10k

chapter 11

“I got him!” Penelope came running into the bullpen. “The VICAP counsellor! He did it again!”

She ran up the stairs with her computer in her hands, straight into the briefing room. Everyone followed her.

“Last night in Kansas, a woman reported that the school guidance counsellor might be toughing her daughter. I called the local PD and explained the situation. They gave me his school photo and, boom, Peter Van Swank.”

“So he hasn’t raped anyone that we know of?” JJ asked.

“No, so I asked them not to let this get out. That he can’t know they’re on to him,” Garcia was frantic. “I’ve sent you all the information, and the plane is prepped and ready when you are.”

“Thank you, baby girl,” Derek kissed her head as the team scrambled out of the room.

On the plane, Garcia was FaceTimed in and waiting to give a run down. “He’s currently identifying as Jacob Hultman, 56. The school counsellor and substitute gym teacher. All ‘round icky man who I would very much like to do this to:” she ranted before smacking her fist against her other palm.

“Okay, calm down there, hot stuff,” Morgan laughed at her. “What’s he doing today?”

“The police have asked the Principal to call him to the office when we land, where an officer is going to cuff him and bring to the station for us,” Garcia explained. “They’re prepping search warrants for his property and his computers; they’re just waiting for a team to assist at the scene.”

“Prentiss, Y/N, and Reid, I want you to go to his house and search it all, top to bottom, take the walls down if you need to. We need to know what else he’s hiding. This man is capable of a lot.” Hotch instructed. “Garcia, can you ask them to wait till Morgan and I are outside the school. We should expect him to try to run.”

“on it,” Garcia said before disappearing off the screen.

“Let’s get this fucker,” Prentiss said, fist-bumping Morgan from across the table.

—

At Van Swank’s house, they split into teams to search the place. CSI was digging in the yard; they were lifting loose floorboards and fake bricks in the fireplace. Looking behind mirrors in the bathrooms, and then Y/N saw it.

“Spence, Emily?” She called out.

Spencer and Emily ran down the stairs. Towards the room, Y/N was in, where she had moved the couch and rug and found a hole in the floor. “Who’s going down there?”

“Not it,” Prentiss said.

“I can hold the flashlight?” Spencer offered.

Y/N huffed and moved the wood from the hole, finding stairs and a railing underneath. Spencer held a light over the hole while Y/N took her gun from her holster, taking it off the safety before heading down the steps.

The flashlight at the end of her gun was on. She kept her back to the wall as she looked around the room. “Hello? Is anyone in here?”

She could hear whimpering, “my name is Y/N, I’m with the FBI. If you’re trapped down here, I can help you.” She offered into the darkness.

“I’m here,” a small voice said. Y/N almost got whiplash turning towards the voice.

A girl no more than 16, was naked and alone, chained to some pipes in the corner of the room. “Spencer, I need a blanket or something to cover her up quickly. And we need to get her out of these chains.”

Y/N set her gun down, kneeling in front of the girl. “Do you know your name?”

“He called me Rosie,” she cried.

Emily came down the stairs with a blanket and bolt cutters. They freed her from the chains around her body. They wrapped her up and brought her upstairs into the light.

An ambulance arrived shortly, but the girl wouldn��t let go of Y/N. “Don’t let them take me.”

“I’ll come with you to the hospital, I won’t let anyone touch you without your permission okay? But you need to see a doctor,” Y/N explained to her.

“Okay,” she cried, holding onto Y/N’s hand for dear life as they walked towards the ambulance.

They loaded her up, Y/N sat down in the seat across from her and buckled in. “I know he called you Rosie, but what did your name or anything about who you are?”

“I don’t remember,” she cried.

“That’s okay, you don’t have to remember right now,” Y/N soothed her. “You’re going to be okay.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “We’ll find your family and you’ll get to go home. You’ll get a nice bed and soft clothes. Your family probably misses you so much, they’ll be very excited to see you.”

“Okay,” she smiled, slipping off to sleep.

At the hospital, the doctors and Garcia were able to match her to a missing child case from Milwaukee in 2004. Emma Carlton, then 9. She was taken from a schoolyard in the same town Peter Van Swank was pretending to be a school counsellor.

“How was he able to pull off all of this?” Y/N asked Garcia over the phone as Emma slept.

“I did some digging into all his previous identities, just to make sure we didn’t miss anything else and I found he had renovations approved by the City at his home in Omaha before he disappeared,” Garcia added. “So we are sending a SCSI team there now to make sure he didn’t do the renovations just to hide bodies.”

“So he’s a pedophile, a serial rapist, a child captor, and possibly a murderer too. Sick, can I play ‘how the fuck did he get away with this for so long?’ for $600?” Y/N felt the sarcasm seeping out of her body. She was so angry and didn’t have any way to get it out.

“Hey,” Garcia’s tone changed. “Are you okay?”

“I just finished my period,” she replied nonchalantly. “And my IUD expired so my hormones are nuts right now.” Remembering that she needed to call her doctor and switch to condoms as soon as they got back. “But I’m fine, it’s just seeing Emma like this you know? She’s just a little girl.”

“I know, but she has you right now to protect her and soon she’ll start to recover. But you call me if you need me. I know this one is a rough one.” Y/N could hear the smile in her voice.

“Thanks, Garcia.”

She hung up the phone and not 2 seconds later, Hotch called her.

“We got him to confess about Emma before we even told him that we found her. He seemed concerned for her?” Hotch explained.

“She is terrified of him. The doctors said she’s been horrifically abused and she’ll probably need to get a few bones re-broken so they can set them right,” Y/N shook her head, absolutely sick.

Hotch sighed, “he also said we’ll find 3 bodies under the deck at his wife’s house.”

“I fucking hate this guy,” Y/N couldn’t stop herself from replying.

“Me too,” he agreed. “Local PD is sending officers to relieve your duty with Emma. We’re flying back out in the morning.”

“I’m going to stay here till she wakes up, so she isn’t scared when I’m not here,” Y/N explained. “Will you let Spencer know?”

“Sure, be safe.” He hung up.

She sunk into her hospital chair and looked at Emma. She was so frail, her hair had been shaved off. She had cuts and burns and bruises all over her body and Y/N couldn’t stop herself from tearing up.

They were lucky she didn’t pick Van Swank up at the high school. She would have killed him for this.

“Y/N?” Emma asked.

“Hey,” she replied, getting up and standing beside her bed. She picked up her hand and held it. Using her other hand to rub her hair. Feeling the prickle of the buzzcut on her palm. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” she smiled softly. “Where’s my family?”

“Do you remember your name yet sweetheart?” Y/N asked.

“Emma, my mom is Sherry and we were at the park,” she whispered. “He had a puppy.”

“Your mom is on her way here now,” Y/N watched as Emma smiled up at her. “Officers are going to stand watch until she and a social worker get here. I’m going to leave my number here with you in case you want to call me when you’re settled at home, to let me know you’re safe.” Y/N hugged her softly. “you don’t have to be alone in recovery.”

“Thank you for saving me,” she whispered into the hug.

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

—

Back in the hotel room, she found Spencer reading. She gave him a quick kiss before going to the bathroom and changing for the night. Splashing water in her face and trying to shake the anxiety out before she settled in for the night.

She flopped into bed. Sighing as she settled against the pillows. Spencer looked down at her, “how is she?”

“As you’d expect.”

“Yeah,” he awkwardly pressed his lips together. “Do you want to talk? Or watch a movie?”

She took the book out of his hands, placing it on the table before sitting in his lap. She moved his hair out of his face and looked at his big brown eyes. He was tired, she could see it in his face but she wanted to feel something good.

“Can you show me how a real man is supposed to love a woman?” She asked.

He turned off the lamp beside them, kissing her neck immediately before laying her back against the bed. Doing exactly as she asked.

With every kiss to her skin, he accompanied it with praise. He was extra gentle as he helped her strip from her clothes. He asked permission every step of the way. She slipped away into their little bubble, forgetting about the world outside their hotel door.

She held him close as he rocked into her, “I love you,” Spencer reminded her. Saying it for the millionth time that night.

She smiled every time, believing him wholeheartedly.

chapter 12

Months of cases passed in the blink of an eye. Before she knew it, the BAU went from being her dream job to her family, all gathering to celebrate an early Canadian Thanksgiving dinner at Rossi’s house.

They just so happened to have the right weekend off in October, so they took the chance when they could.

Having Turkey and all the fixings, going around the table to thank each other for another safe year on the job, making Y/N cry alongside the always blubbering Penelope.

Y/N was sat in the living room after dinner, an 11-month-old Henry snuggled into her side as he made her read the same book over and over. JJ knew he’d be smitten with Uncle Spencer’s girlfriend, because whatever Spencer was doing, Henry had to copy.

She loved it, missing all the time she used to spend with her Niece back in Las Vegas. She let Henry snuggle in close, kissing the top of his messy blond hair.

Spencer, Will and JJ were in the kitchen behind them, she could hear them lightly talking to each other as Henry started to fall asleep on her.

“Are you thinking about kids yet?” JJ asked him just after Will excused himself to the bathroom.

“Always,” Spencer replied. “The day Y/N wants a baby, I’m ready. I never thought I’d get to be a dad.”

“You’re a fantastic uncle, I can’t wait to see a little Spencer.”

Y/N picked Henry up softly, resting his sleeping head against her shoulder. She walked into the kitchen, JJ placed her hand against her heart and swooned at the sight.

“Do you want me to carry him to your car?” Y/N asked.

“Please, Will’s in the bathroom before we go, here’s the keys,” JJ handed them to Spencer, “I’ll be out in a sec.”

Y/N slipped on her shoes, Spencer held the door for her and Henry. “You look good holding a baby,” he complimented her. “Do you ever think about having kids one day?” He asked softly.

“Sometimes,” she said as they reached the car, she waited for Spencer to open the door.

She laid Henry in his car seat and carefully buckled him in. Making sure it was nice and tight and his head was correctly secured.

She closed the door lightly and turned to Spencer, “having kids scares me.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t ensure that they’re safe and fine all the time. My parents were great and I love them but I look at all the shit that happened to me and how they barely know any of it, and I can’t bear the thought of our daughter getting hurt. Or our son being an abuser, god forbid,” she explained.

“I think that’s normal for a parent to feel,” Spencer replied. “Especially one that works in this field. Hotch and JJ both struggle to do this every day and go home to an innocent little boy who they want to protect.”

“I know, it’s just really anxiety-inducing for me right now.”

“What is?” Will asked in his calm southern accent as they approached the car.

“Babies,” Y/N pressed her lips together in an awkward smile.

“Same and then poof, Henry popped up,” JJ ran her hand over her belly. “It’s absolutely terrifying every moment of every day, but the love you experience makes up for it. If I didn’t have Henry in my life, I’d never know what it truly means to love someone so much you’d kill for them.”

“As you should,” Will laughed, knowing she’d kill for him too even if she didn’t say it.

“Well,” Y/N sighed, “you get that little sweetheart home and tomorrow tell him aunty Y/N had a wonderful time with him.”

“Of course,” JJ brought her in for a hug, saying goodbye for the night.

Y/N and Spencer walked back around to Rossi’s backyard where he, Emily, Derek and Penelope were still sitting around a gas fireplace. Everyone with kids had managed to sneak out.

Y/N sat in Spencer’s lap, he held her in his arms as she put her legs over the arm of the chair.

“Margs?” Penelope asked her and Spencer.

“Sure,” Y/N smiled, taking one from her.

“I have to drive,” Spencer said.

“Stay in the guest house tonight if you want to drink, I don’t mind,” Rossi offered, and Penelope put a glass in Spencer’s free hand.

It was so lovely having time off. Sure, they weren’t alone but Y/N basked in the warmth of the fire and the feeling of Spencer’s hand on her side. She pressed her head against his shoulder softly. Ignoring her margarita, feeling drunk on Spencer’s company.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” he kissed the top of her head.

“You guys are cute,” Penelope commented on their sweet moment. “I’m jealous.”

“why, baby girl?” Derek asked her, “come here.”

Penelope got up and jokingly sat in Derek’s lap. They pretended to be all loved-up on each other while the rest of them laughed. “Better now?” He asked.

“Totally,” her sarcasm overly noticeable.

The rest of the night was mostly the same, laughing at dumb jokes and teasing each other. The rest of them drank until 1 am, Y/N stopped after only one drink. She was exhausted by the time they finally broke apart to sleep in the different rooms of Rossi’s gigantic house.

Drunk Spencer wasn’t something that Y/N was used to, even after just 2 margaritas. He was giggly, handsy, and adorable as hell.

Y/N pushed him into the room after finally getting him up the stairs and away from Derek. If it was up to him, he would’ve been up all night telling everyone anything they wanted to hear.

“But-“ Spencer said as she started taking his shirt off in the non-sexy sense.

“Shut up,” Y/N laughed as she pulled the shirt off his arms. “Can you take your own pants off and get in bed, please?”

She watched him struggle out of his belt, “I’m going to get a glass of water for your night table. You better be in that bed when I come back, mister.”

“Doctor,” he corrected her as he tugged his jeans down.

She slipped out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen. Filling a glass of water and taking a Tylenol from the bottle Prentiss left on the counter.

When she returned to the room Spencer was sitting under the cover’s watching the door, “wow, you listened.” Y/N was shocked.

She placed the pill in his hand and the water on his table, “it’ll make you feel better when you wake up.”

“I know how it works,” Spencer confirmed.

“I’m sure you do,” she laughed.

Y/N took her dress off, laying it over the chair in the corner of the room. She removed her bra and looked through the drawers in the room to see if Rossi had any shirts hidden away.

Sure enough, she found an abundance of old FBI Academy t-shirts in different sizes.

She crawled into bed beside Spencer and cuddled up to him. “Thank you,” she said as he settled against her.

“For what?”

“For asking if I wanted to meet your co-workers that day,” she felt oddly emotional. “Working for the BAU was such a far-off dream for me, I thought I’d be in VICAP for years before I even got considered for a position there. I don’t think I ever really thanked you for making my dreams come true.”

Spencer kissed her neck, “I just needed an excuse to see you all the time, and now you’re mine.” He wrapped his arms and legs around her so tight she had to tap out of his grasp.

It didn’t take them very long to fall asleep, finding a single position, huddled together in the middle of the bed. Just as fast as they fell asleep, it felt like they were being woken up.

Garcia knocked on their door at 8 the next morning, peeking her head in with Morgan just behind her. The two of them burst through the door and sitting on the end of their bed like kids on Christmas morning.

Spencer and Y/N groaned, hiding their faces in the pillows.

“We have a case, a pretty nasty one,” she announced.

“Hotch wants us at the plane in an hour, gives you enough time to race home and get back to Quantico,” Derek patted Spencer on the shoulder. “Come on Shaggy and Velma.”

Y/N sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “I don’t have pants on, can we talk later?”

“Yeah, sure come on,” Penelope pushed Derek out of the room.

Spencer let out a deep sigh, “good morning, love.”

“Good morning,” she stretched with a yawn, “so much for sleeping in.”

—

Y/N and Spencer made it to the plane with 5 minutes to spare, they sat down together and immediately closed their eyes, settling into the chairs and taking a quick nap with Spencer’s head on her shoulder.

They slept through take-off, then Hotch startled them awake. “Yep,” they both sat up, pretending they weren’t just asleep.

“This is Linda Rivers and her daughter Amelia,” Hotch introduced everyone to the two extra people on the plane. “Amelia is going to sit in the back and listen to a movie with headphones while we discuss the case.”

JJ helped her do just that, sitting close by in case she needed anything.

“Linda came to the FBI at 6 am this morning insisting to speak with anyone who solves child rape cases,” Hotch explained. “Her ex-husband, Captain Rivers with Colorado PD, is in a ring of men who groom and prep their daughters for an annual child sex swap.”

“Excuse me?” Y/N sat up straighter, feeling sick.

“Amelia told me that her father had been touching her on her, parts,” the woman could barely say it. “I got her to explain it as we would with a student, I handed her a doll and asked her to demonstrate what her father asked her to do and I recorded it.”

Penelope sent the file to the in-flight computer, showing them a video of the same little girl in the back of the plane with JJ, only she was traumatized and explaining what her father did and said to her. Y/N hated every minute of it, feeling her body temperature change as she got angrier.

“She said it started last November. He was getting her ready to swap daughters with his buddies, I don’t know if it’s the whole police force or other members of the community. I’m already a cop’s ex-wife, I didn’t expect them to take me seriously. So I came to you.”

“You did the right thing,” Y/N comforted her.

“She only told me because she wanted to know if it would happen again this Christmas, and that’s when it hit me. There’s a father-daughter camping trip that the local dads do right before Christmas. One of the dads owns a golf course with cabins on the property. He said they’d be ice fishing on the lake and riding snowmobiles, but,” she started to turn a shade of green. “He brought her there to trade with his buddies and rape another mother’s child.”

“It made him easy for us to find, however,” Garcia cut into the icky situation with her digging. “Martin Rivers actually did pay to stay at that cabin on the weekend she is referring to. So did the 4 other fathers, and I’m guessing the owner, Barry Chapman, stayed there in the last free cabin as well.”

“I’ve invited a female child psychologist to help us interview the children, as well as a female pediatrician to do physicals on the girls. The Colorado Field Office is waiting for confirmation on the men’s names in order to bring them in.”

“Already sent, they’ll let us know when all 6 men are in custody,” Garcia confirmed.

“What area do you live in?” Y/N asked.

“Boulder,” Linda confirmed.

Y/N and Spencer looked at each other, immediately thinking about the JonBenét Ramsey case.

“You can go join Amelia,” Hotch smiled at Linda, “we’ll keep you filled in.” They watched her walk to the back of the plane, switching seats with JJ.

Y/N kept to herself for the remainder of the flight. Writing in her little book as she over-thought the situation. Recalling all the JBR case info from memory, trying to figure out why her brain wants to connect these cases so bad.

—

When they finally landed in Boulder, they sent Linda and her daughter on their way to the Field office in a different SUV than the team.

“Hotch, can I have a word with you when we arrive at the office?” Y/N asked as Hotch drove the SUV, she sat in the passenger seat beside him.

“Do you have an idea?” He asked, “you can say it here if you want.”

“JonBenét Ramsey was from Boulder, Colorado. She wet the bed that night she was murdered and the unsub was able to get in, and out, without it looking like a break-in took place. What if the fathers in this town have been secretly rotating through their daughters every Christmas?” Y/N hypothesized.

“Wetting the bed is a sign of molestation, if he was grooming her like Amelia said her father was, she might have known what was going to happen that night and resisted,” Morgan agreed. “We could be dealing with a community-wide pedophile ring.”

“I’ll make a call to Child Abduction Rapid Deployment, they have connections to everything we’d need to deal with a child sex ring,” Hotch confirmed. “This case is going to be a rough one.”

At the field office, Hotch introduced Dr. Peggy Greenwood and Dr. Anya Accardi to the team. Both women specialized in child sexual assault and were there to help to the best of their ability.

JJ and Y/N were on mom duty. While each of the girls had their physical exams and interview with the Doctors, it was their job to keep the mothers calm. One by one they walked them through the allegation and asked for their perspective of last year’s cabin trip.

All the moms were the same, they never expected that their husbands would ever be able to do something like this to their own child.

“They might not be,” Y/N said to almost every mother. “If they’re bringing all the girls, it’s to exchange them. They might not touch their own children, they just groom them into thinking it’s okay for their friends to touch them.”

Every time she explained that they cried. Which was completely reasonable. This was the worst thing a parent could think of for their child, and Y/N felt for them all.

JJ noticed her mood, she knew something was off. She waited till she was alone with Y/N to ask if she was okay.

“Me?” Y/N asked as if they weren’t the only 2 in the room.

“Yes,” JJ ran her hand along her back. “Are you doing okay?”

Y/N sighed. Taking a moment, “no.”

“Do you want to tell me yet?” JJ asked.

“No,” Y/N was honest, she didn’t know who to talk to yet.

Derek knocked on the door lightly, “hey.”

“I’m going to grab a drink, do you want anything?” JJ asked Y/N, she shook her head to say no and watched her squeeze past Morgan.

Morgan closed the door and sat down beside her, “day’s like today are tough.”

“You have no idea,” Y/N sighed again.

“Actually, I do,” he corrected her, staring into her eyes with truth and honesty. “I was molested by my mentor growing up, it went on for years until I moved away. We arrested him a few years ago but it’ll still always hurt.”

“No one believed me, and he was only 3 years older than me so no one really cared either,” Y/N explained.

“I’m sorry,” he soothed her. “If you want to take a step back, I get it. But these girls need what we didn’t get. Offer support and justice before the damage overwhelms them.”

Y/N nodded, she knew he was right. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“All the mothers are pressing charges against the fathers, this has officially become a case for the state to deal with. Local feds are taking the case and sending us home in the morning for an internal review,” Morgan explained.

“How internal?”

“The NSA has agreed to monitor Boulder for any other pedophile activity, they believe your theory that there is a long-running child sex ring in the area and they’re going to do everything in their power to find out who’s behind this.”

Y/N smiled lightly, “they should invest in more female psychologists to do interviews on all the girls all the way up to the high school to see who else has similar stories. I’d even go on the news asking any girl who has a story like this to come forward.”

“They’ve already had a few women in their 20’s come in saying it happened to them too when they were 8 to 12,” Morgan said. “They’re going to put a lot of bad guys behind bars.”

“Thank god.”

—

In the hotel that night, Y/N couldn’t stop thinking about a world where fathers subject their children to sex slavery. She had felt sick all day, her stomach swelling and making noises all night.

“The world is horrific,” Y/N didn’t realize she was crying as she looked up at Spencer.

He was sitting beside her, reading a book in complete silence while she laid down, staring at the ceiling. “Hmm?”

“Those little girls really thought it was normal for her father’s friends to have sex with them like it was just a weird game they had to endure. That was their normal. There are people all over the world whose lives are absolutely horrific and we have no way of knowing. And no way of helping?” She ranted.

“You help when you’re asked, whenever a case comes in I know you’re going to find a connection and save someone’s life.” He said softly. “You can only control what’s in front of you, and you do that perfectly every time. You may not be able to save everyone, but your impact on the world is life-changing for those who get to experience it.”

“Sorry, I’ve been emotional and annoyed and sick to my stomach all day,” she explained, rolling into his side and resting her head on his shoulder.

“You’re not pregnant right?” He attempted to make a light-hearted joke.

She sat up slowly. “It’s October.” She whispered.

“Yeah?”

She looked at him, terrified. She swallowed sharply but it never made it all the way down, she covered her mouth and ran to the bathroom.

chapter 13

Spencer held her hair and rubbed her back as she leaned over the toilet. She wiped her mouth with some toilet paper and flushed it before laying back against Spencer’s chest.

“I was supposed to call my doctor 2 months ago and change my IUD,” she admitted. “It expired September 3rd.”

“You had your period that week, then we were in Kansas,” Spencer confirmed.

“And I made a mental note to tell you that it expired and that we need to invest in condoms, but then that case got insane and we had sex… right after,” she recalled it all.

She rubbed her hands over her eyes, she couldn’t believe she forgot. “Fuck,” she was so mad at herself.

“I think JJ knew,” Spencer said. “I think that’s why she asked at Rossi’s if I was thinking about kids, you cried at the dinner toast. And you don’t ever cry at work.”

“She also asked if I was okay today and if I wanted to tell her, and I said no,” Y/N added, “I thought she meant if I wanted to explain why I was so triggered today.”

“She has a 6th sense for pregnancies,” Spencer chuckled to himself.

Y/N stood up slowly, “I’m going to go talk to her, I need to talk to someone who’s been pregnant right now.” She didn’t wait for his response, she just walked into the hallway.

JJ and Emily were sharing a room tonight. She took a deep breath and knocked on their door, hearing their laughter pause as JJ came to the door. “Hey,” she smiled.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“Oh my god, come in.”

Y/N sat on the edge of JJ’s bed, both Emily and JJ in her face asking questions she couldn’t hear. Her whole world was frozen. Emily handed her a bottle of water and JJ ran her hand over her back lightly to calm her down.

“We support you in any decision you make,” JJ said.

“Okay.”

“We mean it,” Emily added. “JJ has had a kid, I’ve had an abortion. We can both help you, whatever path you choose.”

“I can’t believe I’m pregnant,” She repeated. Still in shock.

“Have you taken a test?” Emily asked.

“No.”

“Okay,” she said, slipping into her shoes and grabbing her wallet. “There’s a store across the street, I’m going to get a handful of tests.” Emily left the room and JJ didn’t say a word, she just rubbed her back.

“I need to go to the doctor, I need to get my IUD out before it hurts the baby, I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant,” Y/N worried. “I didn’t want kids yet.” She cried.

“It’s okay,” JJ tried her best to soothe her. “When we land in the morning I can drive you to the ER and we can get it removed.”

“Okay.” The shock was starting to settle and subside.

“You might not even be pregnant, this might just be another period coming, you never know,” JJ tried to calm her down.

“I’m pregnant,” she looked at JJ, tilting her head with a look. “You knew.”

“Your boobs changed,” she smiled. “And then you cried at dinner, and you felt sick on the plane, you’ve never been sick on the plane before. You also had a nap, and I know from experience that you’re exhausted right now.”

“Spencer’s going to be a dad,” she smiled, then she cried. She couldn’t believe it, she was going to be 29 in a few months and finally, she was going to be a mom.

JJ hugged her, “Henry is going to have a cousin!”

They were in a completely different mood when Emily returned, “I got like 12?” She panicked.

Y/N peed in a little plastic cup, letting her friends dip all 12 different tests in it. Laughing at the absurdity.

“Oh my god,” Y/N said quickly, “Penelope!”

“Shit,” JJ panicked then too, the both of them running down the hall and banging on her door.

Morgan answered, “What?!”

“Penny!” They panted, “we need you now!”

She grabbed her slippers and pink fuzzy housecoat and ran with them back to Emily and JJ’s room. “What?” She asked once they closed the door.

“I might be pregnant,” Y/N grabbed her hands and looked her in the eyes, absolutely ecstatic.

“Oh my god!!!” They all screamed and jumped around taking a moment to really just celebrate it.

“They’re ready!” Emily called from the bathroom.

Y//N stood there, taking a deep breath and staring at the 12 tests all placed face down. She went for the clear blue first, that one would be the most honest. She turned it slowly.

Pregnant + 3-5 weeks.

“Oh my god,” she whispered.

Everyone was quiet, waiting for her reaction before reacting themselves. Y/N quietly flipped a few more tests, seeing lines and plusses galore. She grabbed a handful of them and walked out of the room towards Spencer.

She walked into the room to see Derek, once again, sitting on the bed talking to Spencer this time. She handed him all the tests silently, tears falling down her face. She wasn’t sure if she was happy or just pregnant.

“Pregnant,” Spencer confirmed. “Are we happy?”

She nodded as she dove for his arms. Hugging him tightly while the rest of the team gathered in the hallway, clapping and cheering. She expected to get a noise complaint soon. She couldn’t stop crying and laughing, getting tears and snot all over the shoulder of Spencer’s shirt.

By the time she calmed down, everyone had gone back to their own bedrooms. Leaving Spencer and Y/N with 12 positive pregnancy tests, all alone. They were laying flat on their backs, staring up at the ceiling, hand in hand.

“I have to go to the ER in the morning to get my IUD removed,” was the first thing she said to him.

“Okay, I know the gynecologist there. I will call her and ask if she can do it, she’s really good.”

“And can you ask JJ about her OB? We need some recommendations,” she asked lightly.

“Of course.”

“How do you feel about the name Matthew Reid?” was her next question.

“Matthew Gideon Reid,” he corrected her.

“Yeah.” She smiled. “Matthew is another name for Levi, and he’s always been the best little brother.”

“Gideon was the first father figure I ever really had,” Spencer said softly. “So you think it’s a boy?”

“I don’t know, I just always wanted a boy named Matthew first,” she turned her head to smile at him.

“So you’re all in?” He asked.

She nodded with a soft smile, “raising a baby scares me, but raising your children is going to be the best thing I ever do.”

—

They landed back in Quantico around noon. Spencer drove Y/N directly to the hospital, calling in his personal favour beforehand. They arrived to find the on-call gynecologist waiting to take her up to the procedure room.

The removal went smoothly, but they wanted to keep her for the night to make sure she didn’t bleed or miscarry in the night. The doctors didn’t tell Spencer anything more.

Seeing as Y/N wasn’t awake yet and Spencer wasn’t her husband, they couldn’t tell him much. That made him even more scared.

Spencer wouldn’t let go of her hand. He barely slept, he just watched her sleep with teary eyes. He had never felt a love this strong. His heart was beating so hard and so fast he thought he was going to have a panic attack.

When he finally did let go of her hand, he stood up to go get something to drink, only to find Gideon standing in the doorway.

He rubbed his eyes, thinking this was surely the sleep deprivation. But he was still standing there, unamused as always. “I’m really here, kid.”

“Why?”

“Heard you fell in love and got a girl pregnant. Figured you needed a father to talk to,” he admitted.

Spencer walked over to him, hugging Gideon for the first time in a few years. “So, how are you doing?” Gideon asked as he guided Reid towards the cafeteria.

He took a deep breath, “scared.”

“So was I,” Gideon admitted. “However, unlike me, you’re not going to screw this up.”

“You don’t think?” He asked, genuinely seeking praise.

“No,” he shook his head. “It’s impossible for you to be a bad father, you’re so hyper-aware of wanting to be present for this kid because you never got enough time with your own father.”

“How did you know?” Spencer asked.

“Because my son is a father now too, and he loves his kids. He works short days so he can pick them up from school, he’s never missed a soccer game or said no to anything they’ve asked of him,” Gideon sounded proud but jealous. “And he won’t talk to me, those aren’t my grandchildren. I walked away when he needed a father, and he’s never going to do that to his children. Neither will you.”

“I’m more worried about what Y/N will do,” he admitted. “Her job is her dream, but her mother didn’t work until she was 12. I don’t think she’d want to take the time off, but I have a feeling she’ll beat herself up over it.”

“Are she and Jennifer close?”

“Very.”

Gideon raised his hands in a small cheer, “has she ever put Jennifer down or called her a bad mother for working?”

“No.”

“She’s a smart girl, clearly if she’s with you. You will make it through this, okay? You didn’t ruin her career by getting her pregnant,” he reassured him.

“Thank you, I really needed this,” Spencer smiled, pulling Gideon into a second hug. “Would you like to be the grandfather to my child, They're going to need one?”

Gideon had to bite his lip to stop himself from crying, “on one condition.”

“Anything,” Spencer replied quickly, tilting his head to the side wondering what it could possibly be.

Gideon handed him a set of keys. “The house I shared with my first wife,” he explained. “It’s been empty for years, all I have to do is sign the deed over and it’s yours. You need a nice home for my grandchild.”

Spencer was shocked, “are you sure?”

“It deserves to be filled with love and laughter,” Gideon smiled. “Take care of them.”

“Thank you.” Spencer hugged him tightly. “For everything.”

chapter 14

Y/N cried every time she woke up from surgeries, she didn’t know why but she did. Her body hated being forcefully put to sleep for long periods of time.

By the time she calmed down and was able to wake up fully, her doctor was arriving in the room to give her the results of the surgery.

“Hi, Y/N, I’m Doctor Fiona Ashbury. I removed your IUD.”

“Hi,” she sniffled. “Spencer is basically my husband, he can hear all of this.” She confirmed.

“Okay great,” she smiled. “So everything went well. Your baby is doing great and we estimate that you are around 5 weeks along now. The pregnancy was intrauterine and should make it to term. You should expect your little bundle of joy around June next year.”

Y/N smiled up at Spencer who was staring back down at her like she was the only one in the room, “how long till we can go home?” Spencer asked.

“The nurse is going to come and give you one last check-up before you’re discharged. I’ve included my personal card and all the info about my good OB friend. Seeing as this is your first little one I thought I’d help you find the best person in DC to help Dr. Reid.”

“Thank you,” Spencer said, looking at Dr. Ashbury. “Your father was one of the best professors at CalTech. Your recommendation means we can really trust her.”

“Of course, let me know if you need anything else. Congratulations again,” she smiled one last time before leaving.

Y/N waved as she left, “she’s lovely.”

“How are you feeling?” Spencer asked softly.

“Good, kinda feel a little pinch still in my uterus,” she complained.

“We’ll ask the nurse if that’s normal,” Spencer smiled. “but are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “still really tired. Did you take the day off?”

“Hotch gave us 3 days, but he said we can add more. The 3 days is just so Strauss didn’t intervene,” he explained.

“Okay,” Y/N smiled before falling back asleep.

Spencer talked to the nurses on Y/N’s behalf after that, telling them she felt a pinching in her uterus, to which they said it was normal but Y/N had asked for no drugs to be administered. Pinching and bleeding were normal in the first trimester, no matter how scary it felt. He tried to remind himself of that.

Spencer tried his best to recall all the info he read when JJ first got pregnant, never wanting to be unprepared if anything happened to her in the field. Spencer stepped out into the room and saw Dr. Ashbury in the hall.

“Dr. Ashbury,” he said softly.

“Dr. Reid, how are they?”

“Good,” he smiled, “really good. Um, I was just wondering what kinds of vitamins and supplements I should pick up for her on the way home tonight?”

“The discharging nurse will have all that information in with the discharge papers, however,” she smiled at Spencer like he was a superhero. “It’s wonderful to see a partner take this much action so fast.”

“Thank you. I love her very much,” he made it clear.

“It’s very obvious you two are going to make beautiful kids,” she nodded slightly and walked towards the elevator.

—

Y/N was discharged later that night, Spencer pushed her down the hallways in a wheelchair, holding all her stuff in a bag over his shoulder. She could barely keep her eyes open as he brought her to the car.

“Can we stop at KFC?” she asked softly.

“What?” He laughed, thinking she was asleep the whole time he was driving.

“I want chicken tenders and fries with gravy, oh and they have really good potato salad,” she let her cravings run wild.

“You’re pregnant alright,” Spencer laughed, turning around in a parking lot and heading towards the nearest KFC.

He went through the drive-through, getting them both a late dinner. Y/N asked for a few of their frozen strawberry cheesecakes at the end of the order as well.

They ate in the parking lot, the car was turned off and the sun had completely set over the town. It was dark, they managed to park under the only street light in the KFC parking lot.

“This is perfect,” Y/N said as she all but stuffed the chicken tenders in her mouth. “The baby is so happy, you get a dad point.” She laughed.

“I’m going to collect dad points like PhD.'s,” Spencer replied, letting the sleep deprivation control the words that left his mouth.

“I’m so glad I didn’t wake up to them saying we were having twins,” Y/N admits, “when you said they wouldn’t tell you anything without my permission I thought, ah, fuck, it’s twins for sure.”

Spencer laughed. “Twins don’t run in my family and it’s normally hereditary. If you have twins in your immediate family, then you’ll be more at risk to have twins.”

“I know, my mom thinks I was supposed to be a twin cause she miscarried and then got pregnant way too close together. She said that her and my dad were giving up and then suddenly she was still pregnant with me,” Y/N explained. “I could’ve had a twin brother.”

“It happens a lot, mostly with twin absorption. However losing one embryo and keeping the other would make a lot of sense,” Spencer said as he continued to eat his chicken tenders.

“When should we tell them?” Y/N asked.

“Our parents? Most women wait till the second trimester to tell their friends and family. You reach the second trimester in 7 weeks,” Spencer already knew everything and it made her smile.

“What else do you know?”

“Right now our baby has a tail,” he laughed. “It’s still just a small sack of cells, the embryo is starting to develop its spinal cord and brain, running from the head to the rump. It’s roughly the size of an orange seed and you’re finally developing your placenta which will ensure that the baby sticks to the uterine wall and that they receive all the proper nutrients.”

“So, when will we hear the heartbeat?” she asked, impressed with how much he knew already.

“The first system to be operational is the circulatory system, When you're 5 weeks pregnant, the baby's heart is made up of two tiny channels called heart tubes and they're already hard at work. When those tubes fuse together, our baby will have a fully functioning heart, so probably by the end of next week?” He hypothesized.

“Can you believe that we made a human?” She asked, looking at him with absolute wonder. “All we did was have sex and suddenly we made a whole life.”

“It’s amazing,” Spencer agreed. “I’m just not excited to be changing your cat litter for the next 35 weeks.”

“You get to scoop up cat shit, and I get to hope that she doesn’t rip me a new asshole on the way out. You know, totally comparable,” she teased him.

“She?” Spencer asked.

Y/N blushed, “I don’t know, I had a dream in there that we had a little girl.”

“My mom always said she’d have a granddaughter first, and she’s never wrong.” Spencer’s smile was her absolute favourite. His teeth were perfect and he always looked so, so happy.

“What girl names do you like?” She asked him softly.

“I’d like for Diana to be one of her names.” He said. “I also like Marigold.”

“MD would be her initials,” Y/N pointed out, “she’d be the other half to your Ph.D.”

His laugh was perfect, he was so insanely happy and tired that he was a giggling mess. They finished their dinner, threw out their garbage and drove home finally.

Her bed had never felt softer. She laid down and basically passed out. Buddy jumped up beside her and buzzed around her belly, laying down directly on her stomach and kneading her with his paws.

Spencer crawled in beside them, kissing her belly and then her lips. “I love you both.”

“We love you, more.”

chapter 15

Her first baby appointment just so happened to be on Spencer’s birthday. Only thing was, Y/N forgot all about his birthday in all the crazy anticipation of seeing their baby for the first time.

Penelope, however, didn’t forget a birthday. ever.

They were in the OB waiting room when she got a text detailing a party at Rossi’s that Y/N was supposed to keep hidden from Spencer. Her only job was to get him to Rossi’s house at 8 pm.

“Oh my god,” she whispered to herself as she read the text.

“What?” Spencer asked, trying to read over her shoulder before she quickly locked her phone and turned it upside down.

She turned to him, trying to hold in tears but her pregnant brain had other thoughts. “I forgot your birthday today, I almost went through the entire day without wishing you a happy birthday,” she whispered.

“It’s okay,” he laughed, rubbing his hand down her back. “Being a dad is the best present I could get.”

She laughed as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “You know, I always knew your birthday and I’d remember it every year. I would always sit up and wish I could tell you happy birthday. Then, of course, the year I see you again I forget it.”

“Funny how the world works,” Spencer smiled.

The office was tiny. JJ had recommended this OB to them, saying she was wonderful, like having a friend in the room with you. That was just the type of intimacy that Y/N wanted when bringing a baby into the world.

“Y/L/N,” the receptionist called her name as she walked into the lobby. “We’re ready for you.”

They got up and followed the woman into the back office. She was handed a gown and told to take her clothes off and get on a table, she would be seen shortly by a doctor, and that’s when it all really hit her.

She was going to have an ultrasound, and she was going to see her baby for the first time.

She didn’t mind changing in front of Spencer, she took off her dress and draped the gown over her body before sitting on the crinkly papered bed. She hated every second of the noise the paper made against her body as she tried to get comfortable in such a compromising position.

Spencer sat down in the chair beside her. She couldn’t help herself from looking around the room. Paying attention to anything else to keep her anxiety at bay.

The walls were a nice shade of pink. Much more calming than the hospital blues and greys. There weren’t any posters about lumps or diseases, nothing about the damage smoking could do or other images of ruined organs.

All she saw were baby photos all over the walls. All belonging to women who chose these OBGYN’s to deliver their children. Every baby was so different, some cute, some absolutely adorable.

Then she saw Henry. He was wrapped up all tight in a blue blanket and the smallest little hat ever. He was in JJ’s arms, her swollen cheeks smiling wide as she showed off the biggest love of her life.

“One day our baby will be on that wall,” she said to herself, letting the facts sink in.

“Yeah,” Spencer smiled at her like she was the sun and it was his job to just orbit her for the rest of time.

“Good afternoon,” the doctor said as she walked in. “According to Jennifer, I’ve been tasked with bringing the next Steven Hawking into the world?”

Y/N laughed, “as long as he’s healthy, I don’t care what his IQ is.”

“I do,” Spencer joked. “It’s nice to meet you Doctor Korrapati, we’ve heard wonderful things about you.”

“As have I,” she smiled, sitting down on the little rolling stool at the foot of Y/N’s bed. “I read in your chart that your last period was September 3rd, meaning you’re most likely due June 10th... putting you at 8 weeks as of tomorrow.”

“Yep, that sounds about right,” Y/N confirmed. “Are we going to be able to hear the heartbeat today?”

“I don’t think so, but there’s always a possibility,” she smiled. “Have you ever had an internal ultrasound?”

“No,” she shook her head.

“Alright, well it shouldn’t be that weird for you just a little uncomfortable,” she explained as she picked up the wand and slathered it in lube.

Y/N looked over at Spencer with wide eyes, it was gigantic. He squeezed her hand a little tighter and winked at her. Letting her know that everything was fine.

It was uncomfortable, she felt it in angles she had never thought existed down there. Dr. Korrapati kept the screen facing away at first. Rolling the little ball on the cart around and typing in everything she saw.

“We’re measuring right at 8 weeks,” she said as she turned the screen to Y/N and Spencer. “This,” she pointed. “Is your little human.”

It looked like a jelly bean, the tail was shrinking as the limbs were starting to look more prominent. “Here you can see the ears are starting to grow, and if you look closely we might even see some little fingers and toes in the webbing.”

Y/N cried, “he’s so cute.”

Dr. Korrapati smiled, “we won’t know the sex for a while yet. Unless you’d like to run genetic testing next week?”

“How do they do that?” Y/N asked.

“NIPT or non-invasive prenatal testing is a simple blood test. Inside your blood is not only your maternal DNA but also fetal DNA. We can check for down syndrome, trisomy 18 and a handful of other chromosomal abnormalities. Another benefit is we’ll know the chromosomal sex of the baby,” Dr. Korrapati explained softly. “It can be done in week 9 and the results take up to 10 days.”

She nodded along as she listened, it would be nice to know what’s going on with her baby on a more scientific level rather than just looking at an ultrasound and guessing. “I can stop by during lunch next week and do the test.”

She printed off a dozen photos of the baby, leaving Y/N with a warm hand towel to clean up and change back into her clothes. But as soon as she left the room, Y/N and Spencer just sat there, staring at the photos of their baby.

“You’re not scared to know if something is wrong with the baby?” Spencer asked softly.

“No, I’ve always held the belief that if you want kids you better love whatever child you bring into this world. If something comes up positive on the test it doesn’t mean something is wrong with the baby, it just means we’re going to have a different experience raising our child than someone else’s,” she explained, feeling more passionate than she thought she would.

“That’s a beautiful way of looking at it,” Spencer kissed her on the cheek. “You’re going to be a great mom.”

“You’re going to be a great dad, birthday boy,” she smiled up at him. “Let’s go get some dinner, just the three of us.”

“I’d love to.”

All she wanted lately was a chicken caesar salad. She had been eating mostly salads for her daily nutrients, but there was something about the dressing, and the bacon and the croutons that made it feel like her tongue was having an orgasm.

They weren’t kidding when they said pregnancy cravings hit different.

Spencer and JJ had explained almost every aspect of pregnancy in agonizing detail to her over the last few weeks. She now knew that the reason she felt sick all day was because her uterus was the size of a small bowling ball and her digestive tract couldn’t handle big meals anymore.

Garcia took it upon herself to fill her mini fridge with lots of snacks (all high in fibre and calcium), greens in the form of salads and juices, and Kit Kats for her sweet tooth. Who knew getting pregnant meant getting pampered all day as well?

She stuck to lots of snacks throughout the day, skipping big meals to avoid the sick feeling in her throat from lingering all day long.

On the rare occasion that she did eat a lot, like on her boyfriend’s birthday, it made her belly look even bigger than it really was. She sat in the driver’s seat on the way to Rossi’s, having to push her seat back a little so that she could fit behind the wheel properly.

“Where are we going?” Spencer asked.

“I was thinking we could take a look at properties over here. We’re going to need a place with more than one bedroom in 32 weeks,” she reminded him, lying to get his attention away from the road to Rossi’s.

“You’d rather live in the country?” He asked.

She shrugged, “I’d like something bigger without having to pay a lot. We can get a house with 3 bedrooms for a quarter of the price if we leave the city.”

“It would be closer to work,” he agreed. “Turn down this road here, there’s a place for sale that I’ve always liked.”

She followed his direction, following the gravel road into the darkness. At the very end of the road, there was a house, big and beautiful. Tall pillars wrapped in ivy, dark brick, big windows. The outside lights were on, but it was clear no one lived there currently.

She pulled into the driveway and the two of them got out to walk around the grounds. Around the back, there was a huge backyard. The patio was a lot like Rossi’s only it was covered by a roof with lights.

The back entrance was beautiful, the painted green metal and glass framing the kitchen beautifully against the brick. She peeked inside, pressing her nose against the glass. Marble countertops, green cabinets, the most beautiful backsplash she had ever seen.

“It looks like no one has touched it since the ’80s,” she whispered.

“It has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. It’s an entirely open concept downstairs, the office space is my favourite. There’s a wall of old wooden bookshelves that would probably hold my collection,” Spencer explained.

“But how much would this place be? It’s definitely up in the 7 to 8 hundred thousand range,” she said, her voice muffled against the glass as she kept staring at the kitchen.

Spencer handed her a set of keys. “Don’t worry about that.”

She held the keys in her hand, noticing that the keyring also had a ring on it. “What is this?” She turned to him, holding it in shock. They were standing in the dark in a backyard she didn’t know, it was unreal.

“Gideon came to see me when you were in the hospital,” he explained.

“Like... the godfather of the BAU? And your honorary dad? He saw me in the hospital? Why didn’t you tell me?” Y/N asked, feeling like the whole situation was beyond comprehensible.

“I think JJ called him, he knew I’d need someone to talk to because I couldn’t call my dad.”

“And he just gave you the keys to this house?”

Spencer nodded. “It was his house with his first wife. He said it deserved to be filled with love and laughter. I didn’t tell you right away because we were busy signing all the paperwork and insuring it. I also had internet and an alarm system put in so you’d feel safer.”

“Spencer, this is all too much.” She kept moving the key around in her hand, looking at the ring that was attached to it.

She slowly took it off the keyring, twisting it around the metal before taking a closer look at it. The silver band glistened under the yard light. The green stone shimmered to high heavens, taking the attention away from the pearl that accompanied it.

It was beautiful.

“The green stone is because I know how much you love the colour, and the pearl is the baby’s birthstone. Let’s just hope they actually come in June otherwise that’ll be awkward,” he smiled.

“Are you asking me to marry you, Doctor Reid?”

He took the ring from her hands and got down on one knee. “I know you said you’d only agree if we felt exactly the same after a year, but I don’t think we’ll ever feel the same we did that day. Every day I spend with you I discover that love runs deeper than I ever thought possible. It’s never-ending with you. I’m never going to feel the same way about you 2 days in a row, I’m always going to love you more and more.”

She couldn’t stop crying. “I just wanted to stall you before taking you to your birthday party!” is all she was able to say, making Spencer laugh.

He got back up to his feet and wrapped her up in a tight hug. “Which is why I thought this is the best time to surprise you.”

She held onto him tightly. “Okay,” She whispered. “I’ll marry you.”

He pulled back to look at her, holding her face in his hands as he leaned in for a kiss. Breathing her in like he never wanted to separate from her.

When he did, however, he placed the ring on her finger before kissing her knuckles. “Let’s go to that party.”

“What about the house?” She asked, looping her arm around his as they walked back to the car.

“We can come tomorrow when the sun is up, then you can really tell me how you feel about it.”

—

She tried her best to fix her mascara in the car, not wanting the team to see that she had been crying. They were running late and Penelope kept texting her, but she didn’t care. She quietly sat beside Spencer as he drove to Rossi’s, giving her a chance to stare at the ring.

Her life was completely different now than it was when she woke up. She went to bed not really believing she was pregnant yet, only to wake up and see her baby, get engaged and be handed keys to a house. It felt fake, impossible and completely overwhelming.

They pulled into Rossi’s driveway around 8:30, slowly making their way to the backyard where the party had already started.

“There he is!” Morgan cheered, causing everyone to turn towards the door and yell happy birthday at him.

Penelope quickly placed a golden hat on his hand and covered him in gold streamers. “Happy golden birthday to our golden boy!”

“28 on the 28th,” he smiled, fixing the hat with his free hand. “I’m also going to be a dad!” He announced to everyone, who already knew.

They all cheered again, giving them both a million hugs and high fives. “What’s this?” JJ asked, holding Y/N’s hand up.

“A ring?” Y/N replied, biting her lip so she didn’t laugh at her own sarcasm.

“Oh my god!” Penelope cheered, “so much is going on I need to sit down.”

“Me too,” Y/N laughed, rubbing her dress down over her belly to show how much it was sticking out. “I’m so overwhelmed.”

“Come on,” JJ walked her to the patio table. “How was your appointment?”

“Good,” she smiled, everyone followed and sat around the table. “I love our OB.”

“Pravina is wonderful,” JJ agreed. “Did you get any photos?”

“Here,” Spencer dug them from his pocket and placed them on the table, everyone took a copy.

“He’s got your big brain alright,” Morgan laughed.

“One can only hope,” Rossi chimed in. “This child is going to be a natural-born profiler.”

Y/N was so overwhelmed, she zoned out while everyone talked about their possible genius baby. They made bets on when they’d be born as well as how big they’d be, just normal workplace betting.

“You okay?” JJ asked softly. “Do you want to go talk?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she smiled, standing up with her, smiling at Spencer as she walked away.

They were quiet for a bit, walking around the side of the house towards a gazebo by the lake. It was chilly, they could hear the birds communicating on the water and the wind blowing through the trees.

“Gideon gave Spencer that house over there.” She pointed.

JJ’s mouth fell open, “you’re kidding?”

She shook her head. “How hard is it to be a mom and work for the FBI?”

JJ just smiled at her. “Hard. But it’s worth it.”

“How do you do it?”

“Luckily, Will really enjoys being a stay-at-home dad,” she said, shrugging. “But it does put a big strain on things. He has needs, he has goals and ambitions and sometimes I can’t always help him with those. But we love each other and we love Henry, and we make it work.”

“I know I’ll want to come back too soon,” she admitted.

“That doesn’t make you a bad mother. You’re allowed to have a life, as long as you go home and you put all your love and energy into them,” JJ reassured her.

Y/N hugged her softly. “You have to promise me something.”

“Anything?” JJ replied, brushing her hair with her fingers while they hugged.

“If anything happens to me you won’t let Spencer spiral,” she pulled back. “I doubt anything will happen, but if it does he needs to be a dad still, and I need you to remind him for me that I’ll never think he’s a bad dad for having a hard time dealing with it. I just need him to be there for our kid.”

“Of course,” JJ replied.

“You’re the only one who gets it,” she explained, pressing her lips together into a soft smile. “I’m sorry if this is too much but it’s been on my mind for the last few weeks.”

“It’s okay, I made Spencer promise to do the same for Will if I die,” JJ smiled right back. “We’ll be okay.”

“Thank you,” Y/N hugged her again.

“Let’s go see if that baby daddy of yours wants to dance,” she changed the topic to a more cheery one, escorting Y/N back to the party.

[lilacmeadows]

Made For You pt. 2

Omg you guys thank you so much for all the support! Part 1 was my first fic and you guys were so sweet. I had to get started on part 2 right away. If you want to be on my taglist, just let me know! This is just leading up to the next few chapters that’s just gonna be FILTHY. I needed a bit of backstory to be satisfied, but now that the boring part is out of the way, I’m gonna go research other names for genitals. Hope you enjoy! -Savvy

BUCKY X READER

Summary: Hydra had just finished training you to be the Winter Soldier’s perfect mate when the Avengers saved him. But what’s going to happen to you now that Hydra has deleted your old life and left you with nothing but a soldier that needs to learn to love himself before he can love someone else.

Part 1    Part 2     Part 3

WARNINGS: explicit sexual content, explicit language, underage reader (nothing sexual happens underage), stockholm syndrome, mentions of family death, eventual dom/sub dynamics, mentions of captivity and kidnapping. violence- guns, mutual pining, eventual smut, fluff, angst if you squint (must be 18+)

WORD COUNT:  2.9k

“Make the Soldat happy. He is my mission.” 

When she was first taken, of course she was scared. She didn’t know why, where she was going, if she’d be rescued. It was a painful adjustment, and some days it was as if the tears would never stop. It’s not like she was worth anything to anyone who mattered, her family wasn’t rich. Just her mom and brother. They lived a happy and normal life. 

She’d guess it didn’t really matter. At the age of 10, y/n was old enough to understand basic concepts, carry a conversation with adults, and she had strict teachers in school, so she knew how to behave. 

What she didn’t know was how to be a wife. Or a ‘life-partner’. None of the Men would ever call her a future ‘wife’. She was training to be a mate. Someone the Soldat could own and connect with so he didn’t fly off the rails if things got out of control. If he got out of their control. Every morning, a watcher would wake her up at 8AM so she could stretch, eat, and meditate. By 10AM, her first trainer of the day would come in and teach her the schooling she was missing. Just basic math and reading, a little German, and a little Russian. Not enough for her to eavesdrop on their plans, but enough to understand her Soldat if he didn’t feel like speaking English. 

At 1PM, another trainer would come and bring her to the small kitchenette down the hall. They had no intention of domesticating the ‘couple’, but she was learning to be a woman- of course the Men would have her start in the kitchen. She would learn very simple meals that could feed a fully grown man, and usually had something light for lunch herself. The men brought her the other 2 meals a day. At 3PM she would have lessons on ‘Womanhood’. At least that’s what she called it. A trainer would come in and teach her a never-ending list of rules that she had to follow in order to be a ‘lady’. It reminded her of an old Barbie movie she would watch when she was little. There was a song called ‘To Be a Princess’, where a poor girl learned how to act proper. Once she started seeing herself as that princess, the days got a little easier. Some days, they would go over how to sit and lie down like a lady. Others, they would walk laps around the halls open to her, reviewing how to walk on the balls of her feet. She learned to talk in short sentences with excellent manners, and how to brush her hair, so she could look more presentable for her Soldat. 

Over the years of compliance, the trainers softened on her just as the watchers had. Of course, they were still horrible people, but they knew she was a kind girl at heart and wouldn’t cause trouble. Some days, she would be made to sit perfectly still with a stack of books on her head, while her trainer would tell her something silly happening outside the walls of the building that became her home. She learned little bits of information about their lives, music, art. But never anything political or having to do with who the Men even worked for. That was strictly forbidden. They would let her color in her free time. Sometimes a watcher would bring a book from his home for her to read, and when she was old enough, she was given a few colors of yarn and started knitting sweaters and scarves on plastic needles. She didn’t have a clock, but she would learn by the rotating shifts of her watchers what time of day it was.

There were children whose lives sucked more than hers. And for that, she was grateful.

When she got older (let’s say 18), the training started to change. She never knew what day it was, or even what year. She had stopped keeping track so long ago, but the changes were made gradually. She would be made to read books on intimacy, and then watch videos of men brutally ravishing ladies about her size. She had to learn what to do to please her Soldat, without being taught physically. This made her happy. The thought of any of the watchers or trainers doing that to her made her sick. And everyone thought it was in her best interest to be completely innocent to the touch of a man when she has her first encounter with the Soldat.

Which turned out exactly as planned. But on the day Steve and Sam plucked her out of her bedroom, she was not expecting the Soldat to be sitting right in front of her. In all his glory.

The quinjet was eerily silent for all of seven seconds before Clint had the audacity to continue the conversation he started.

“You make the soldier happy?” was the best the shocked man could come up with.

“I haven’t met him yet, but I’m ready. They made me ready for him.” y/n said with bright, hopeful eyes. Her words flowed so easily, they sounded rehearsed.

“Do we tell her?” Tony asked Steve, who was getting greener by the second. He couldn’t believe he just got his best friend back, not two weeks ago, and now he has to worry about a girl who’s obsessed with said best friend.

“I don’t think we really have a choice.” Steve replied, taking a deep breath. The whole quinjet looked like they were holding their breath. y/n still didn’t know the names of the three men on the opposite side of the quinjet. Two of them standing together, pausing their conversation, and the brooding man, who everyone keeps looking at.

“y/n, meet Bucky.” Steve said, pointing at the man across from her. But ‘Bucky’ went completely over her head- the name being unfamiliar to her.

“Hello, sir. Pleased to meet you.” She said, offering a genuine smile, but clearly not picking up what Steve was putting down. Clint chimed in again, wanting to be out of his confused misery.

“Wait a second. Y/n. You mean the soldier, as in the Winter Soldier?” Y/n immediately nodded at hearing that name. She knew her Soldat went by that name. “As in that guy right there?” 

Her eyes went wide at the realization. He was sitting right in front of her. Staring at her since the minute she stepped onto the plane. And he was gorgeous. Long hair, thick thighs, piercing blue eyes, and a jaw that could probably cut glass. But he looked upset. Pissed really, and that scared her. She had one job: Make the Soldat happy. And there she was, barely presentable. She hadn’t even addressed him properly, how she was taught. With all the eyes on her, she felt a blush rush through her whole body at the embarrassing thought. But she had to. He wouldn’t like her if she didn’t follow the rules she grew up with.

Y/n daintily stood up and walked until she was right in front of Bucky. He held her eye contact the entire way, still not having said one word during this whole exchange. She gently knelt down until she was on her knees in front of him. 

“I hope I can make you happy, my Soldat. I am a gift from the Men who take care of us, and I am entirely yours.” Bucky’s jaw twitched. He hadn’t said anything this whole time, but his mind was moving at lightning speed. He watched this gorgeous, barely dressed girl sit across from him, and was already in awe. But then that girl got on her knees and declared her loyalty to him? In front of everyone he knows? He couldn’t lie to himself, he’d never been more turned on. But everything about this was wrong. She was just a Stockholm Syndrome’d girl who wanted to follow orders. But her orders were to make him happy. He finally broke eye contact with her to see Tony’s shocked face looking over at Bruce and Thor, to make sure he’s not hallucinating this. 

“Y/n, you should stand up.” He said to her in a hushed tone. Probably harsher than he meant to. He could see her visibly take a breath at the sound of his voice, his eyes followed the gentle slope of her neck down to her breast. She dreamed for years about what his voice would sound like, and it just rolled over her. But she quickly obeyed and stood in front of his seat. He expected her to say something else, but she was silent then. Her previous outburst was one of the few exceptions to her ‘only talk when spoken to’ rule. “What do you want? Where is your family so we can take you home?” He asked her. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes. He didn’t want her was all she could assume. She was made for him, so why was he turning her away?

“I want to make you happy, sir. It’s all I want. Please let me be good for you. I promise, I’ll be so good for you.” Begging was familiar to her from her studies. She didn’t expect to be begging for her to be able to please him, but she would do whatever it took to get him to keep her.

“No. Y/n. This isn’t right. You were being kept there, whatever Hydra told you to do is over. You’re free now.” The tears flowed freely down her cheeks and it broke his heart. She tried to cover her face with her hands. He didn’t want to see her cry, nor did he want to turn her away, but he also couldn’t just let her be his sex slave. It wasn’t right. 

“Please don’t be sad. This is for the best-” He tried to reason with her, but when he took her hand off her face so she would look at him, the contact only made her sob harder. This was all she wanted. 

“Buck, I think we should just let her sit for a minute. Can you grab her some water? Tony and I will try to figure out where she was from.” Steve said to Bucky- trying to end this painful and awkward situation. Bucky stood and walked to another area of the quinjet. He was grateful to be able to use this time to think.

“Y/n, we’re gonna need your help to get you home okay. What’s your last name? How old are you?” 

“Y/L/N” And then she went quiet. It never occurred to her that she didn’t know how old she was. Of course, she remembered her birthday, but she couldn���t tell the weeks and months apart, so she hadn’t celebrated it since she turned 10 in 2006. “What year is it?”

“When did they take you?” Steve asked gently. Being a man from another time, he could remember well the day he woke up in 2011 when it was supposed to be 1944. He knew how jarring it was to discover all the time that’s been lost, and wanted to spare her that grief.

“2006. I was 10.” She looked at him, and she could tell it’s not just 2008 by the look on his face. She knew her body went through changes over her time with the Men, but between the ‘dietary supplements’ they gave her, and the fact that she wasn’t looking in a mirror- much less shopping for clothes- she didn’t realize she had fully completed puberty. 

“Y/n, it’s 2016. You’re 20 now.” And that made the tears come harder. But she wasn’t so upset about the 10 years of her life. She was mad at 20 years of her life wasted. Since Bucky didn’t want her, all of the training was for nothing. She knew living for him made her the definition of a broken person- she wasn’t dumb. The idea of her Soldat was what grounded her all that time. When she was lonely, she’d think about the man the Men always tell her about. They told her how he was their ‘greatest asset’. And she often fantasized about if he would fall in love with her. So by the time she met him, she had already been in love with him for much longer than she’d care to admit- which makes the heartbreak of rejection hurt that much more.

Unfortunately for Bucky, his heart was heavy too. He tucked away into the tiny bed area on the jet after quickly handing Steve the water to give to y/n. It was too much. Being in that room with her, she looked at him like he hung the moon. But he most certainly had not. He was a murderer. Tony’s father was a scientist during the war, and Bucky knew him pretty well through Steve. And he killed him. He had scattered memories of hurting dozens of people, so why would she be so willing to be with someone like him?

Part of him wanted it. After almost a century of not owning anything and not having a choice, he was given the opportunity to have something that belonged only to him. A gift from the men who take care of us. If it wasn’t cruel, he would have laughed in her face. Maybe she was taken care of, but he most certainly wasn’t. She was brought in young enough to still be under the impression that Hydra wasn’t evil, just strict. He imagined for a minute how things could have turned out for the two of them if he hadn’t gotten free. If Hydra really was planning on giving him a gift. He didn’t like the last gift they gave him in the shape of an arm, but y/n was perfect. She was the perfect size for him- although his broad frame could dwarf most women. And her smile pulled at his heart.

He wanted to kiss her the minute he saw her. He knew he wanted to make her his.

And that was bad.

He rubbed his hand over his face and decided to rejoin the group in the middle of their conversation. Thor and Bruce decided to stop being passive members of the conversation and introduced themselves. Y/n was very confused at Thor’s proclamation as ‘God of Thunder’, but with all that was happening, she didn’t feel it was her place to question it.

“- a good thing we have spare rooms at the compound. You can stay as long as you like.” Tony finished speaking to y/n just as Bucky was walking into the room. “We’re gonna have a new house guest MC.” He waggled his eyebrows at the man who caught the back half of that conversation.

Bucky’s jaw dropped. This would only make the situation much harder than it needed to be. He looked to Steve for an explanation. The blond stood up and made his way over to Bucky.

“Look, Hydra scrubbed her records off of every database and-” He took a deep sigh, “Her family is dead, Buck. They probably killed them after they took her.” 

Then it was Bucky’s turn to sigh. He knew the right thing to do was to help her, but he also knew how much he wanted to feel her soft skin in his hands. And that made her dangerous to be around. 

What nobody knew was why Hydra took the 10 year old from Georgia. In 2006, the Winter Soldier was sent on a mission to kill a scientist that lived there. Of course the poor guy didn’t have a chance when the Soldier was sitting in his house, waiting for him when he got home, but what the Soldier wasn’t expecting was a little girl to be coming inside with him. The scientist looked sleazy and didn’t have any children, so who knows what would have happened to her if the Soldier didn’t get there in time. She screamed and cried. The comm in his ear commanded him to kill the girl for being a witness. But the part of the Soldier that was still Bucky wanted her to be safe. He shushed the little girl and asked her for her address. When she recited it to him, he rubbed her head and told her she was a good girl, before he dug his metal fingers into the child’s pressure points and she fell limp into his arms. y/n woke up in her bed, crying at the bad dream she must have had- her mother not even home yet. That was the first act of defiance Hydra ever experienced from the Winter Soldier. First sign of humanity and compassion. They knew if the mind control was getting weaker, he would be harder to control next time they unfroze him, but his protective nature of the girl would make her an asset to them.

Her capture was arranged before his heart was fully frozen in the chamber. Neither Bucky nor y/n remembered this- Bucky only remembering parts of his time under their control, and y/n never thinking about that bad dream again, but the connection was still there as strong as it was that day 10 years ago.

Part 3

[wizkiddx]

ohmyword if your doing req can u pls do another fluffy, domestic one bcos honeymoon morning is some i read daily AHAH maybe like the reader gets ill and toms away or something???? pls just anything fluffy

awh thank you for being so sweet abt honeymoon morning - I do think that's one of my favourite concepts ive done!! and I hope this suits what you want, im not so sure myself but I tried :)))

summary: you try to hide being ill from Tom before he leaves but inevitably it doesn't all go to plan

warnings: mentions of being sick, I think that's all - basically just fluff 

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The night hadn’t really gone typically at all. Instead of relishing the last night with Tom for a few months, your body seemed to have different plans. Hence why now you were curled up in a ball on the sofa, staring blankly at the TV, while the washing machine whirred next-door in the utility room and the chemical smell of cleaning products enveloped the downstairs. At least when you were sick, you were a clean sick. 

You were also a quiet sick. You had been pulled from your sleep by the uncomfortable heavy sensation from your stomach barely an hour after you’d both headed to bed. Why was beyond you - what had been important in that moment was to get away from Tom. He was flying back to set tomorrow (or given the early hours currently, lunchtime today was more appropriate) and only had a single day to settle before launching back into filming. So the poor boy was inevitably, given time zones, going to be running on poor quality plane sleep for the next couple of days - you wanted to five him a final night of peace, at least. 

As a result, you’d crept downstairs and since then spent a large chunk of the night making good friends with the downstairs toilet bowl. Once you were absolutely certain there was literally nothing else in your stomach, you chucked some bleach down the loo; then stripped your *stained* pyjamas and chucked them in the washing machine; changed into some freshly washed stuff in the utility (comprising of joggers and one of Tom’s hoodies); before you could curl up in the corner of the sofa. 

And that’s how you’d been for an hour or so. Still feeling grim, unable to fall asleep as much as you were trying to and generally just lying in a ball of self pity. And that was fine… until you heard the unmistakable slow padding of footsteps down the stairs. 

“Love?… -hy’re you up?” His voice was drenched in sleep, making it pull on your heart strings, even before he had rounded the sofa and come into view. Dressed only in his heather grey joggers only, Tom’s curls sat ontop of his head wildly - sticking up at all ridiculous angles. And then there was his puffy eyes, barely open as he slowly processed the sight of you curled up on the sofa. 

“Just couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to keep you up tossing and turning. Why are you up bub?”

“Don’t sleep good without you… you know kicking me and stealing the duvet and stuff.” Never one to maintain a level of seriousness and ‘soppiness’ - it was instantly turned back to the typical relationship of the two of you. While rolling your eyes, you still chuckled at him in the low light of the TV. Tom took the opportunity to perch on the edge of the sofa, sitting so he was grinning loopily down at you. “You fancied putting a wash on too?” 

“...I don’t know just trying to be productive?” He was catching on, he was suspicious. You could tell. His eyebrows furrowed together and he delicately hovered the back of his hand over your forehead, feeling the undeniable heat radiate into his skin. 

“And bleach?”

“Toilet needed doing anyway.” You mumbled, head turning to stare back at the TV- knowing his eyes were piercing into your soul. He sighed, in your peripheries you could see him shaking his head in slight frustration, as his hand reached for yours, giving it a squeeze. 

“You’re ill aren’t you?”

“I’m alright-“ he cut you off with a low warning of your name, making you cower slightly because he’d caught you in a lie. “I threw up a couple times but now I just feel a bit ‘eugh’”. That was, to be fair, a completely truthful description of your evening and current situation. Maybe not put most eloquently but Tom definitely got the messsage, somehow reading your mind by lightly massaging your abdomen with his hand that wasn’t clasped with yours. 

“Come on... let’s get you back to bed.” As much as you wanted to argue with him, it was clear any attempt would be futile. One of things you love so much about Tom is how fiercely protective he is of those dear to him. His circles progressively shrunk as he learnt who he could trust and who ... well he couldn’t. The culling had left a handful of people who were almost central to Tom’s life - somehow you’d managed to wangle your way into these select few too. 

So no, there was not point arguing or suggesting he puts his own welfare first. 

After putting you back int the double bed, Tom had disappeared for 10 minutes or so, when he reinterred the room it was clear he’d been busy. His tongue was stuck out in focus as he tried to balance different mugs and plates on a tray to you. Even if you felt shitty, for a moment by just seeing how far this guy had gone for you - you’d never felt better. 

“Okay there’s some lemsip with honey to settle your stomach, water and a slice of toast just because you should probably see if you can keep something down.”

“You really are the sweetest.”

“And you’re the illest so get drinking love.” He laughed softly in the yellow glow of the bedside lamps that illuminated the room. It highlighted his prominent jaw line and the way his eyes crinkled in the corners and given your slightly off state, you might’ve spent a bit too long ogling at the man cosied up next to you. Never would there be a time you weren’t grateful for him. 

Turns out you couldn’t keep the toast down but the experience was somewhat less horrific - this time you were spilling your guts out into your ensuite, while Tom held your hair and rubbed your back. Eventually things settled, allowing The two of you nestle back into bed, Tom wrapping his arms round your stomach to lightly trace random patterns on the skin underneath your hoodie - as you nestled back into his chest more. 

“I really love you Tom”

“Love you darling, now get some rest and shout if you need anything.” You hummed lightly, almost letting go to sleep now your felt a bit less like your intenpstines were wringing themselves together. But not quite. 

“I’m gonna miss you and your stupid face.”

“We can talk about that when your better” It was as if Tom thought whispering and drawing circles on your stomach was going to deafen you to his words. Yes your stomach wasn’t having a lot of fun and you were tired - but you were not deaf. It was oh so predictable too, he loved to be absolutely ridiculous. Indignantly you huffed, rolling over and eyeing him intently. 

“What’s there to talk about?” 

“Just…. Just if your sick you shouldn’t be on your own. I could always just-“

“No no you couldn’t. You and me both know for a fact you do have a choice and even if you did it be pissing off a hell of a lot of people.” He pouted, you could tell even in the darkness of the night. 

“I hate having to leave you though, especially like this.”

“Yes but you love your work too. I’ll be here when you get back… maybe just with a bit less intestines.” Laughing at that, Tom pulled you onto his chest, pressing his tips to the crown of your head as your burrowed into his side. 

It can’t have taken more than 5 seconds for you to fall asleep, exhausted from the illness, the stupid time in the morning and maybe slightly for dealing with Toms idiocy.  

You were awoken in the morning to Tom stroking your hair gently, all dressed and ready for his flight - but still finding the time to fuss over you and wanting to say a proper goodbye. After practically ordering his to leave… you best believe he dropped in the fact he’d got both Sam and Harry to come round as your babysitter. 

He was an idiot. But he was your kind, caring , beautiful and loving idiot. 

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - Chapter 10

Evening everyone!

I have a present for you.

This lady here will be off on holiday for a week on Friday, so I thought about landing the new chapter tonight.

This one is a juicy one and I hope you will love it. A bit of fluff before the angst gremlin comes back for a visit.

This chapter comes with a smut warning. Yes, you read correctly. In the future I will be using FTB mostly because I find it difficult to write and keep it non cringy, but for this chapter I wanted to try and add some hotness.

Also, for those who haver read Island Dreams, I am heading to Lewis on my holiday, and i might post some photo of the locations mentioned in the fic.

Well, now i can let you enjoy the chapter

Aelin was at home sitting on the sofa, enjoying the food she had just ordered in, a bottle of beer and hockey. Her favourite team the Stags was playing an away game with the Skull’s Bay Pirates. 

The Stags were in the lead in the championship and the Pirates were just in second place, which made that game quite an important one. She was glad she had the night off although they would usually all camp in the communal area of the firehouse and watch the game all together. At least being at home meant she could have a beer.

Ice hockey in Terrasen was a religion. She had been a fan of the Stags since she was a kid and her dad would take her to the games. Then Aedion became her hockey buddy and once she joined the station she started sharing the passion with the rest of the team and they would also go and watch the games all together if possible.

She took a sip of her beer and kneeled on the sofa, the game was getting intense and she could not stand still.

In that instant her phone went off and she let out a curse.

“Oh for crying out loud.”

“What?” She answered while her eyes were glued to the tv.

“Good evening to you as well.” Rowan sounded almost offended by her brisk tone.

“Whitethorn, I am watching the game.”

“Uh?”

Aelin groaned as something happened on the screen and the Pirates almost scored.

“Ice hockey, Whitethorn. You have been in Terrasen enough to know it’s a religion here.”

He replied with a low chuckle. Then she heard him move and then all of a sudden a noise in the background and realised he had his tv on “wonder if they show it here. Wendlyn is not big on ice hockey.”

“You can tell. Their team sucks.” She drank a bit more “I can tell you that we are winning for now against the Pirates.”

“That’s the big match of the season I am gutted I am missing it.”

Aelin got agitated and swore a few times during some actions.

“You are a very scary woman.” She heard him switch off the tv “do you want me to call later?”

“No,” she said softly. She was actually quite happy. Since he had left three days before they had talked quite a lot over the phone at night and she had started to love their ritual. He was the one calling once he was free and she loved that new dynamic of theirs.

“How was your day training?”

“Oh, just wonderful. I spend my days dealing with cocky idiots who think they are gods because they have been admitted to flight school. Then they go ahead, mess up the exercise for everyone, almost get killed and have no respect for rank.”

She let him vent “sounds like you have a bad class.”

Rowan sighed loudly “I have been a flight instructor for six years. I had a few bad apples along the way, but this class is hopeless.”

“Can you do something about it?” She was still following the game but her attention had shifted to him. He sounded quite down.

“I reported them to the academy Commandant. I explained that starting flight school with the wrong foot was not recommended.” Another sigh “In the end it’s their school and they can do whatever they want. I don’t care. Being reckless in a jet is like jumping into a fire in t-shirt and shorts.”

“That would be very bad.”

“I know what the fuck I am doing. I have been doing this for the past 12 years. I have been in combat. Real bloody combat. Those idiots have only seen simulators. What do I need to do to be taken seriously?” He was really mad and Aelin wished she could do something for him.

“Ro, two weeks and a half and you are out. You are back with your team and students that you like.”

“How’s the game going?” He changed the topic, clearly being done talking about it.

“We increased our lead.”

She heard a popping sound “did you just crack open a beer?”

“Oh yes, I need it.”

Aelin smiled “I am having one too. Brullo has this friend who opened a brewery and I bought a few bottles and they are so good.”

“You have such connections and don’t even tell me?”

“I am sorry your highness.”

“You are excused this time. But don’t make it happen again.”

Aelin laughed “what are you going to do? Spank me?” And she froze. She should really need to learn to connect brain and mouth.

“Depends, will you like it?” His reply surprised her so much that she froze with the bottle halfway to her mouth. 

“You just have to hang around and see for yourself.”

He moaned “I will need to get back to you on this.”

“Will it help you decide if I tell you that I am wearing a hockey jersey and nothing underneath? I just had a shower…”

“Aelin…”

“What? Are you interested all of a sudden?”

“Obviously.” He groaned.

“I am teasing you, I have clothes on, but good to see where you stand.”

She heard him groan in frustration “you really are a menace and I don’t know why I bother with you.”

“You don’t have to stay on the phone if I irritate you so much. You are the one who called.” She bit back. Why they always end up fighting?

“I did not mean it like that.”

“Well then go and learn how to communicate with people because I am sick and tired of your attitude.” Her tone had grown angrier.

“Aelin, please. I was joking.” His voice was thick with sadness.

“No, I am so fucking tired of this.”

“Why can’t you believe that I was joking? Why do you always believe that I hate you?” He shouted back “I have been quite supportive with you recently. I have flown in to stay beside you after you lost a colleague. You have a problem with my attitude?” He vented “well, yours is not any better either.”

Aelin sighed “Rowan, why do we always end up like this?” She lay down on the sofa, the game completely forgotten “we had a nice conversation and then it always gets ugly between us.”

“I am sorry…” he paused and meant it “I have been looking forward to calling you. I had such a bad day that knowing I was going to phone you kept me going. I didn’t want any of this. I did not want to fight with you.”

“We are both bad at communicating.” She relaxed a bit. She did not want to fight with him either. And he was right, he had been supportive and amazing. Then she had an idea “Ro, I have four days of holidays coming up. I booked them ages ago, I had plans but they went to hell. Would it be crazy if I flew to Wendlyn? I will play tourist when you work and be out of your way, but what do you think?”

“I’d love that. Very much. It really sucks here.”

“It’s for this Friday. I known it’s short notice—” he interrupted her.

“No, it’s perfect. I don’t have a class this Friday, I can pick you up at the airport. Have Saturday and Sunday as tourists and I assume you are flying back on Monday.”

“Yes.” Her heart started racing. It was a crazy plan, but all of a sudden she was excited.”Let me check my roster, because if I finish at a decent time I can fly in Thursday night so we have three full days. Do you think you can manage that?”

“Happily.”

“Ok, stay there Buzzard, I am putting you on speaker phone.”

She ran to the kitchen and had a look at the calendar on her fridge with her roster and cheered loudly.

“Whitethorn,”

“What?”

“I come off shift at four. Now let me check for planes.”

She went to get her laptop and sat back on the sofa, “do you know any good airlines for Wendlyn?”

He laughed “Yes, my own plane.”

“Funny. Us common mortals don’t have that privilege.”

“I have no idea, Fireheart, I haven’t flown commercial in a lifetime.”

“Fine.” Aelin was silent for a few minutes typing away and looking for flight options. “Ok,” she said after a while “I can get one flight that gets me into Doranelle at 10.45pm your time, is it too late?”

“I guess I will postpone my nap.” He joked and she laughed back. He suddenly relaxed. The fight had been verging on vicious and he had not cared for that.

“On Monday I can fly back with a noon flight.”

“That one is perfect. I can drive you back to the airport and be back in time for my class.”

Aelin smiled wickedly “great, give me five minutes while I book it. Go and do grampa stuff in the meantime.”

“I am not a grampa.” Aelin heard him munching on something. Knowing him it was probably a carrot.

“Ok, now I need to find a place where to stay.”

“My flat?” He added shocked that she would think about staying anywhere else “Aelin, I have a flat. It has a second bedroom. And you don’t have to worry about giving me anything because it’s a flat owned by the airforce. It’s not a castle but it’s nice. You are not paying for a hotel.”

“Are you sure? Three days with me 24/7. That’s a lot of fighting.” She asked. She loved the idea, but wasn’t sure yet if they could survive that long in close quarters without killing each other.

“Perhaps we can leave the fighting aside and work on us?”

Aelin was silent for a moment “Us? As in…”

“As in more than two idiots fighting and pining for each other.”

Her heart pounded in her chest “Yeah, that would be intelligent, wouldn’t it?”

“Definitely.”

“But that’s a conversation for when you are here.”

Aelin smiled. She could not believe it was actually happening.

Rowan yawned over the phone “This grampa here would like to go to bed now. It’s quite late here.”

“Okay,” she said softly.

“I am looking forward having you here.”

Aelin hugged the pillow all excited “me too. Good night, Buzzard.”

“Good night, menace.”

Aelin squealed and threw the pillow at the other end of the living room in utter joy.

Thursday had finally arrived. Aelin thought the day would never come and that time had slowed down on purpose just to annoy her.

“Aedion you are in charge while I am away, will you be fine?”

The man was driving her to the airport “I will be. Go and enjoy your break. We will cope.”

“Ok, you know you can always call Dorian. He can come out on a call.” She was nervous. She hadn’t been away from the firehouse on holiday since before Sam died and was worried about her team.

“Stop fussing. We will be fine. You need a holiday. You haven’t been away in a lifetime. You deserve this.”

She breathed out, relaxing at his words. She knew she could trust Aedion and Dorian had given her his blessing too. 

“Just tell airforce boy to behave or I’ll scratch his toy plane.”

Aelin laughed. Rowan seemed to have a problem with the army but Aedion’s dislike seemed just as strong. To her it was just hilarious.

They arrived at the airport, she grabbed her duffel bag and backpack from the backseat and went to hug Aedion “thank you for driving me.”

“Let me know when you land on Monday and I will come and pick you up again.” And he hugged her back.

They parted and Aelin walked into the airport with a spring in her step and the biggest smile ever.

Rowan realised he had arrived at the airport a bit too early. He was so eager to see her that he had arrived with an hour to spare. He was a thirty year old man giddy like a child waiting for winter solstice presents. Considering their track record, three days together could go down in flame or be a success. A part of him was definitely anxious at the prospect, but when Aelin had suggested the idea he had no doubts. He wanted to do it.

Bored, he paced the arrivals section when a woman walked past him and her trolley ran onto his feet. He almost shouted at the woman but then decided to ignore it.

He viewed airports as pure madness. Utter chaos and he hated them. The good thing about his job was that if he had to travel for work he could use his jet. And when he used to travel with Lyria they had always driven. Now he remembered why he had avoided those places of pure chaos.

He moved to the big window where he could see the runaway and for a while studied the airplanes. One of his ex squadron mates after retiring from the airforce had become an airline pilot and on plenty of occasion had tried to convince him to join him, but Rowan always declined. There was little enjoyment in flying that way. 

While staring at the aircrafts landing and taking off, his hand was tapping on the handrail with excessive energy. 

He huffed a puff and and bored kept wandering around the airport. He had alway considered himself a decently patient man, but in that moment he felt as if he could not wait any longer. Had to really tell himself that she was coming and that it was not his imagination playing tricks on him. 

Luckily by the time his wandering was over, the arrivals notice board had changed the status of her flight to on approach and he went in front of the arrival section, knowing full well it would still be ages before her entrance. 

Forty minutes later he saw her and he was positive he now had the most stupid grin on his face. He recognised her golden mane tied up in a complicated braid. Gods, she was stunning and Rowan did his best not to drool too much.

She was dressed in simple jeans and a hoodie from the Terrasen Fire department and he chuckled. He waved at her and called as well.

Her smile when she spotted him could have lit up the night sky and he was positive his heart had just skipped a beat. 

Quickly an eagerly he walked to her, making his way through the crowd that had gathered.

She ran to him, then dropped her bags on the floor and in an instant she was in his arms. He lifted her up and kissed her. Not caring about the consequences. She was there. That’s all he cared about.

She kissed him back and for a while they were the couple that meets again after a long time apart and could not keep away from each other.

“You are here.” He said kissing her again and then brushed her hair in a tender gesture.

She smiled at him and slowly slid down from his arms.

He bent down and grabbed her bags “let’s go. You must be tired.”

Aelin took his hand and he did not pull away “the flight was crap. As soon as we hit the ocean it was bumpy as hell.”

Rowan chuckled “those civilian pilots struggling to handle a bit of wind.”

With her free hand she pinched his side “Meanie.” She told him “and it was bad and scary.”

He kissed her head “be glad that you have never experienced what a really terrifying flight his.” His voice was sad for a moment and Aelin squeezed his hand back.

“My car is over there.” They reached his vehicle and he dumped her stuff in the trunk.

It was fifteen minutes later when they reached his flat.

“I am a bit outside town but I love it. Much easier to go to work as I don’t have to drive through the centre. Saves me so much time.”

They entered the building and Rowan headed for the lift but Aelin stopped “pet peeve of mine. I don’t take lifts. I have saved enough people trapped in them, that now I don’t use them at all.”

“It’s eight floors, Aelin.” He complained.

“It’s good for your butt. Let’s go grampa.” Aelin grabbed the duffel bag and backpack from him and threw them on her shoulder and made her way to the stairs.

He realised that she was used doing stairs. But he was lazy and always used the lift.

“I am taking my chances.”

Aelin grabbed his hand and pulled him away “Don’t be an idiot. Come on.”

He protested but in the end caved.

Aelin relentlessly climbed on for eight floors and Rowan followed a few steps behind cursing that he had chosen to fall for a super fit firefighter.

“I can tell you some horror storie that will put you off forever from using them.” She told him while climbing the steps two at a time.

When they finally reached his floor, Aelin wasn’t even tired, Rowan instead was ready to strangle her.

“Come on grampa, I am sure your butt and your heart are thanking you right now.”

“Move.” She moved aside and let him open the door of his flat.

Once in, he flicked the lights on and Aelin looked around. The living room was spacious, from one door she could see a kitchen but what stunned her were the floor to ceiling windows at the end of the living room and the view. She dumped the bag and walked there and went to the windows.

“This is amazing.” He stopped at her side “Doranelle is called the City of Rivers. It’s not as beautiful as Orynth but it has its charming spots.” He explained with flat voice.

“Well, from up here it’s pretty cool.” Below her lay a sea of lights, then looking more carefully, she noticed the dark areas and assumed those were the rivers. She was looking forward to see that sight during the day.

Rowan pulled her arm “come on, you must be knackered, I’ll show you to your bedroom.”

She followed him into the room and smiled when she saw the bed. It looked so cozy.

She looked at him smiling “Orynth is a few hours behind so I am actually quite fine.” Gently she pinched his arm “you are trying to get rid of me.”

“I was just being considerate. You flew here after your shift.”

In one step she was close to him “I am quite hungry, though.”

Rowan laughed and patted her head “I knew it so I made something that just could go back in the microwave. Give me five minutes.”

“I’ll go and get changed in the meantime.”

It was much later when she was finally full and she and Rowan were now sitting on the sofa watching some tv. She had curled up her legs under her and his hand was absentmindedly tracing up and down the length of her exposed leg. It was much warmer than Orynth so she was wearing shorts and a baggy t-shirt.

She turned to look at him and saw Rowan concentrated on the documentary they had been watching. His face was relaxed, the tension had left his body and the sight of him like that took her breath away. His features always had an hard edge, but in that moment, relaxed, she could not look away. 

“Do I have something on my face?” A half smile appeared on his face.

“No.” She shimmied down to his side and leaned her head on his shoulder and he adjusted his position so she could be comfortable.

“You know I am not a pillow, right?”

In challenge, Aelin snuggled closer and her arms went around his waist. Rowan brought one arm around her shoulder and squeezed it almost in a silent gesture to tell her it was okay. He pulled her so close she was almost on his lap and in instant later his lips were on hers in a demanding kiss. 

Aelin sighed in delight and melted in the kiss. Rowan’s hands sneaked under the t-shirt touching skin. The kiss turned avid, all teeth and tongue and eventually she found herself straddling him. 

Her hips ground against his in a suggestive motion and a wicked smile spread across her lips when she felt him hard against her. Fingers found their target in his hair, and with a gentle tug she angled his neck and her lips began tracing its lines eliciting a loud moan from Rowan. 

His strong hands were a steady presence on her sides, pulling her closer with his thumbs brushing timidly the underside of her breasts.

Rowan’s tongue slowly traced the shape of her lips and she opened for him and when he intensified the kiss she began pondering what that tongue of his could do somewhere else. That image was her undoing. Aelin came up for breath and looked at him, his eyes smoky with lust.

She looked at him with the same desire and she was positive he had noticed the need in her stare as well.

Then Aelin stood and removed her t-shirt revealing her bare torso. She moved a step back and without ever removing her gaze from him she wiggled her finger in an invitation, then turned and swayed her hips on her way to his bedroom.

Rowan ran a hand down his face and eventually stood and followed her.

Shit. He was in such deep, unending shit.

It was the middle of the night and both Rowan and Aelin were still awake. They lay naked under the blankets while she was nested in his embrace, her head tucked under his chin, while he traced lazy lines on her back with his fingers.

She looked up at him and noticed his downcast stare. He looked sad and could not understand why. They just had some mind-blowing sex. Three times. 

“Hey, what is it?” She asked him, caressing his face.

He shook his head gently “nothing. Just thinking.”

“You are regretting this,” she said in accusation sitting up beside him.

Rowan threw an arm on his face and sighed “No.”

“Liar, that is not the face of someone who is happy after getting laid three times.” She folded her arms at her chest. 

He remained silent and Aelin bent over to grab her clothes “don’t worry. I get it. I’ll leave you to it. I’ll find a flight home tomorrow.”

His arm shot out and stopped her, then he sat on the bed and pulled her back “please, no.”

“Then talk to me, damn it.” She threw her clothes back on the floor “I can’t read your mind.” She shouted back frustration rising again. 

Rowan’s hands fisted for a brief moment “I am crazy about you,” he whispered, as if terrified by the admission “and there is a part of me that tells me that is wrong. Reminds me that I lost my wife a year and half ago and I should not replace her so quickly, not after I swore forever love at the altar.” he sat at her side but never looked at her, too scared of her reaction “I loved every single of minute we had together tonight but my stupid conscience keeps telling me that is wrong.” He lowered his head “and I know that my guilt will ruin everything, eventually.”

Aelin fully turned to him and cupped his face “Ro, look at me.” He lifted his eyes and stared in the blue depths of her own eyes “for some crazy unexplained reason I fell for you as well. I think I must be crazy,” she chuckled “I know your pain. Sam was not my husband but almost. After I lost him I promised myself I would not commit anymore. The pain of losing him was so bad that I decided I’d rather remain alone than suffer again.” She told him, caressing his cheek with her thumb “then you annoying bastard came along and destroyed all my resolutions. I wanted to hate you, for so many reasons, but the more I tried to do that, the more I failed.” His lips twitched in a faint smile “the way I see it, moving on is not a betrayal on your wife. You will alway love her, as I will always have a space for Sam. We are in our early thirties, what do you want to do? Stay celibate and miserable for the rest of your life? Pass on opportunities just because you want to be faithful to her?” She explained “also, and I do not mean this to be disrespectful, but didn’t she have divorce papers ready and a plan to cut you off from your kid’s life?”

Rowan collapsed back on the bed and sighed heavily. She was right. He had loved Lyria but she had planned to leave him. “what do you want to do?”

She looked at him with a puzzled expression.

“About us.”

Aelin leaned against him and snuggled back to his chest “one step at a time, remember?” She looked at him and his wonderful green eyes shone in joy “and if my memory does not fail me, you told me you were all in if I were.”

Rowan nodded gently and kissed her head “I still am.”

“Well, we have covered sex, even if we broke the rules, and we know that in that field we have plenty of chemistry, we just need to learn to talk without shouting and communicate better. We both have lots of baggage. What I suggest is that we spend these three days playing couple and once you come back we’ll just go from there.”

His arms folded around her and pulled her as close as possible, her golden hair in his face and the scent of lavender enveloping his senses “I think I like this plan.”

“Good, now let’s sleep though. It’s the middle of the night.”

Aelin kissed him and not long after fell asleep in his arms.

Rowan woke up the following morning and smiled at the warm body at his side. Aelin was sprawled on him, using his chest like a pillow. The blanket had fallen down to her waist and he realised they had fallen asleep naked. With his fingers he traced gentle lines on her shoulders, then leaned over and deposited a few kisses fully inhaling her scent. She moaned and slowly came to awareness and when she realised where she was she gave him a wonderful smile and he kissed her, fully, avidly.

“Someone looks happy,” she joked brushing his short hair.

“Nope, just trying to get back my side of the bed.”

She gently patted his shoulder but Rowan rolled on top of her and gave her a deep kiss “good morning, you.”

She stretched luxuriously in his arms then she kissed him back pulling her body close to his.

“Mmmm,” she moaned “morning wood or are you just happy to have me with you?”

He kissed her, then his head dipped in the hollow of her neck and his tongue traced the length of it “both.”

“We should definitely tend to it.” She teased and a moment later she straddled him “I do like being in charge, just so you know.” She leaned forward and kissed him, then disappeared under the blankets and Rowan cursed as soon as her mouth was on him.

Rowan stood and still naked went to make breakfast. They had remained in bed much longer that he had planned but it had been totally worth it. Their chemistry in the sheets was definitely perfect. Aelin followed him and she leaned, naked as well, against the counter. He bent forward and kissed her “we definitely need coffee.” She turned and Rowan looked at her, her long blond hair unbound and reaching her lower back. Along ragged breath escaped from him, then he went back to preparing breakfast. Staring at her naked form could lead to more dillydallying and he wanted to take her out to explore.

She walked back to him with two mugs of coffee while he finished to prepare French toast.

“Take the strawberries out the fridge, please.”

“I usually put maple syrup on.”

Rowan rolled his eyes “well, I am making them so we follow my rules.”

She pinched his butt “brute.”

Five minutes later they were sitting on the sofa, enjoying their breakfast. She brushed his hair with her hand. “Thank you for this. It was so lovely.” She placed her empty mug on the coffee table together with her plate and she turned to him fully and went for a kiss. Now that they had crossed that line she could not keep her hands off him. He pushed her down on the sofa, laying on her back and he kneeled between her legs. She propped herself on her elbows opening more for him and bit her lower lip at his lustful glance “you are so cute like this…” his voice rough with need.

Without ever averting her gaze she brought a finger to her mouth and slowly sucked it in a suggestive gesture, then her hand trailed down along her abdomen.

“Touch yourself.” At the same time his hand went around himself and started moving up and down while watching Aelin. Her fingers circled around her sensitive spot and he saw her threw her head backward and close her eyes. Her mouth slightly open. He leaned forward and kissed her, his tongue brushing her lips before clashing with hers. Her fingers buried inside her and Rowan lost it. He pushed her all the way down “I can’t fucking resist you.”

She looked up at him and smiled wickedly “then bury your dick inside me, captain.”

Rowan lifted her and walked back to the bedroom in a quick motion. 

His mouth landed on her breasts and Aelin’s hands kept him there, while he sucked and teased with his teeth. A moment later he moved away and went for the drawer grabbing a tie and Aelin lifted her arms above her head as soon as she realised his intentions. 

“This is very interesting, captain…”

Rowan very gently tied her hands to the boards of the head of the bed and then sat on his haunches to stare at her naked form in adoration.

“You are stunning,” he said while slowly caressing her belly. Keeping her hips in place he bent forward and his face disappeared between her legs which then quickly propped on his shoulders.

A savage moan left Aelin’s lips as his tongue found its target on her bundle of nerves and when he teased her with a finger she was all ready to combust.

“Fuck Ro— ” he cut her words with a second finger inside her. Those long digits that curled inside her, causing her legs to jerk while she felt the pressure build inside her. The orgasm creeping up quickly.

“I need you….” She told him breathlessly.

Rowan smiled, undid her ties and turned her around and then tied her again. He grabbed her butt and propped it up and his mouth was on her in an instant “you are so wet and ready for me.”

He went up on his knees and aligned himself with her entrance. His first thrust was gentle and enough to allow her to get used to him, he pulled back just a little and slammed into her to the hilt.

“More…” Cried Aelin grabbing the pillow and fisting her hands in it.

“More…” she begged him again.

His speed increased and Aelin felt her core tighten.

Rowan reached with his finger and teased her clit at the same time. Aelin moaned in the pillow as his ministration grew in intensity, until she could not hold it any longer and pleasure exploded in her making her crash over the edge. And while she was about to collapse into oblivion, she realised that Rowan hadn’t joined her in his release.

The grip on her hips grew stronger and she knew she was going to carry some marks. She met his thrusts and when his pace became frenzied she knew he was close as well. 

“Aelin, I am— ” he groaned loudly as he spilled into her and then collapsed exhausted on her back. He deposited gentle kisses on her back then collapsing exhausted at her side.

Rowan untied her then he took her hand and brought it to his chest “you are a wicked woman.”

Aelin chuckled “I had no idea I had it in me. I never… I mean Sam and I we never… this way, tied hands and all..…” Rowan brought her hand to his lips “Lyria and I did it, at the very beginning. Then it stopped and we calmed down until it became mechanical just because we were married. Once she found out she was pregnant she did not allow me to touch her at all.” He rolled over, facing her and his hand caressed her face “I thought it was because she was not well but…” he sighed “I haven’t told this to anyone but I suspected she was cheating on me.” He confessed and felt lighter. He had kept that to himself for a very long time “and to make things worse, I have a very, very strong feeling that the child was not mine. I think she lied to me on how far along she was.” He closed his eyes for a moment in a pained expression “I know she had stopped being happy about our life for a while. Whatever I did was not enough. She wanted me to retire and give up my job.”

Aelin extended her hand and brushed his cheek with the top of her hand “but she knew from the beginning what you were and what you job entailed?”

“Yes, I was clear from the start. Explained that my job took me away from months on end and all the dangers involved in it as well.” He closed his eyes enjoying the touch of her hand on his face “I think she hoped I would drop my career after we got married.”

“I loved her. I did all I could to show her that I was doing my best to keep the promise I made her at the altar.” He covered her hand with his “I failed her.”

“No,”Aelin whispered, this was conversation was giving her an insight into him and she realised she had no idea of how much pain and regret he was keeping bottled in him.

“I can’t fail you as well.” And she heard his voice break and snuggled closer to him “Ro, look at me.” She pulled his chin down to her “I am all in. I want to be all in. I am terrified, but I run into fires as a job, I know how to control my fears.”

He kissed her in a heartbreaking sweet kiss “I don’t deserve you.” His voice soft.

Aelin cackled “No one does, I am amazing that way. But you come pretty close to being worthy.” She joked and he kissed her back.

Rowan pulled away from her and then pushed her off the bed “come on, time to explore.”

Her blonde head emerged from the side of the bed “shower is mine.” And she bolted for the bathroom, he ran as well but once he got there she slammed the door in his face.

“Don’t spend half an hour in it.” He shouted. Then the door cracked open a little and her hand darted out “there is space for two…”

Rowan laughed and followed her inside.

The shower took much longer than expected and when they finally left the flat it was much later that he had planned. The whole morning had been totally worth it though, they had talked and he had a feeling it had helped move their complicated relationship in the right direction. He had even confessed her things he had never mentioned to anyone. He felt like he could trust her. She knew loss and darkness like he did.

They had lunch at one of the street vendors he had grown to love and now they were walking hand in hand along one of the the rivers and off toward the palace. Aelin walked silent at his side, taking in the city. “That’s the old royal palace.” He pointed at the stunning building they could see in the distance. “There was a monarchy once… and then the people rebelled and it got ugly and it went down and a government similar to what we have in Orynth was created.”

“The palace looks stunning.”

“I think they do tours to go inside. It’s where the government resides now but some areas are open to the public.”

“It’s fine I’d rather walk around and see the city. We can just see the palace from the outside.”

“As you wish,” his arm went around her shoulder and the feeling was incredible.

They walked to the palace and Rowan guided her behind it. When they arrived she was speechless. “It really is the city of rivers.”

Eight of them joined just behind the palace to form a gigantic basin with isles in the middle full of trees. In some parts the rivers went down a wall forming a waterfall.

“This is… gorgeous…” then she looked over and the spray of the waterfall had formed a beautiful rainbow “look,” she said to him pointing ahead.

He pulled her closer and kissed her temple “It’s quite an amazing corner this one.”

Aelin disentangled from him and walked around the area for a while and Rowan took photos of her. She was wearing an amazing green dress with a flowy skirt and he could not keep his eyes off her. 

“Come here you.” He did as he was told and joined her. “Hold me from behind.”

His arms went around her waist and they both gave their back to the basin. Aelin moved her phone so they both could be in the picture together with the magnificent background.

When she was about to click he kissed her temple.

Aelin looked at the photo “I am gorgeous.”

Rowan scoffed “I think you are the one who should move in with ego, although I think that in your case he needs a house on his own.”

She ignored him while she changed the picture as her phone background.

“I am pretending you never said anything.” And walked away from him.

Rowan laughed and a moment later he grabbed her arm and pulled her in for a kiss “Indeed you are stunning, captain.”

Aelin offered him her hand “shall we continue our tour?”

He took the hand she offered and they continued their exploration. They made their way to the area that was known as the historical one. The houses were built in stone of different colours and it looked very charming “here there are a lot of lovely small shops and some very cozy restaurants. It’s probably the most beautiful part of Doranelle.”

They continued walking until they reached a very colourful area “this is so pretty,” said Aelin pulling him toward the built up area.

Aelin dropped his hand and started walking toward all the small shops. She noticed a bakery and she walked in and Rowan followed in silence. Once inside he noticed she was busy chatting with the owner about their delicacies. Five minutes later she joined him with a bag in her hands.

“Did you buy the entire shop?”

She inclined her head and gave him a smile “almost.”

They reached the main square and discovered there was a market on and the place was full of stalls and food vendors. The air smelled of spices and food and Aelin stopped at every food stall enjoying some samples of the local food and buying some as well. Rowan followed her in silence and enjoyed seeing her relaxed.

“Are you going to spend you entire salary on food?” He joked, placing a hand on her lower back.

She turned and looked at him “I am on holiday Whitethorn, shush.”

They reached the end of the road and Aelin stopped in front of a clothes shop. In the window they had the most stunning black dress she had ever seen. She took Rowan’s hand and dragged him in.

“Hi, I saw the black dress in the window, is it possible for me to try it on? It’s stunning.”

“Of course,” said the shop owner “I make all the dresses myself.” She passed it to Aelin and pointed to the changing room.

Rowan sat on a chair and waited for her while his mind tried to picture her in the dress. When she finally emerged again he realised he had no idea how to picture her in such a dress. He swallowed hard as she walked to him.

“What do you think?” She turned to give him a full picture. The back of the dress dropped in a curve halfway down her back. It hugged her curves spectacularly and it had a cut up to above her knee. He was close to a heart attack.

“You… it’s…” he actually had no words “you are perfect.”

She smiled at him and for a brief second Rowan wished they were back in his room because he wanted to show her in another way what he really thought about it.

“Good, I am taking it. I will find an occasion to wear it.”

Once they were outside Aelin looked at him “did you really like the dress?”

Rowan wound his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, his mouth close to her ear “I had so much fun imagining all the possible ways for me to peel that dress off you.” 

“That’s the type of dress I would wear completely naked underneath by the way…”

He pulled her to his chest and bowed down for a kiss “I really hate that we are in public right now.”

She kissed him back. She was loving this side of him. One she had not expected him to have. He always appeared so composed and impossible to fluster. But under the captain’s mask she was discovering him to be quite a very interesting man. 

“You can ravish me tonight.” She added smiling against his lips and then walked away, leaving him alone and dumbstruck.

Yes, they could make it work.

She really wanted to.

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[crowdedimagines]

Leaked - Harry Styles

2.8k :) 

“Y/n?” His voice rings out a soft echo. The only noise in my room tonight. I simply answered so the incessant buzzing on my nightstand would finally cease. If only I had checked the contact, I wouldn’t be sitting up straight in bed, staring into the black of my room.

“Hello?” I answer back after a long enough pause for both of us to know that I have just woken up and I wasn’t fully aware of what I was answering.

“I’m sorry to wake you. I forgot what time it is there right now.” I can hear some shuffling on his end, it sounds like he’s getting up and walking around. He must be in London right now, not in his home only a ten minute drive from mine in Malibu. I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees, letting my comforter drop from my shoulders.

“What’s wrong Harry?” I ask, cutting to the chase. The slight nervous edge in his voice tells me that something is most definitely wrong. I can’t just sit in silence waiting for the world to stop, I need him to spit it out. Spit out whatever made him call me after nearly a year of no longer being together.

“I had a leak. Someone hacked my phone.”

I don’t know what I was expecting, but this was far from it. I let out a sigh, he’s okay. At least physically. I can feel a slight weight lift off my chest, but it’s far from light still.

“Okay?” I prompt for him to continue.

“It’s pictures of you, Y/n.”

And to think I was worried about him. His words make my ears ring for a few seconds. An eerie pitch fills the void between us, neither of us knowing the words to help this situation.

“Which pictures?”

I switch Harry to speaker and open twitter, ignoring the mass texts that are coming in right now. My manager and my publicist ranting on our group chat but the messages fade into the background as soon as my eyes cross the trending page.

“Um-”

#Y/n’sleaked

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” My hands start shaking as I look over the images shared with the entire world. Not even just one, multiple over the time we shared a relationship.

A picture I sent him on tour, standing in our mirror with not a thread of clothing. Bare as the day I was born. I remember taking this picture as a tease right before he had to take the stage at Madison Square Garden. Now more people than can fit in Madison Square Garden have seen that picture.

Next, is a picture of me in a rather compromising position on my knees looking up at him. It’s not hard to tell what was happening or about to happen. Harry took this one, It was already a hot night for us, and somehow him pulling out his phone snapping a quick picture made it even hotter. Now I need to worry about my family ever seeing this.

Finally, the most modest of the group, a picture of me in simple dark red lingerie thrown on the bed by Harry. Once again, a picture that Harry had snapped himself. I had just come home from tour and he answered our door and I dropped everything I had, including the clothes I had been wearing. He chased me up to our room, he finally caught me in our room and literally threw me on the bed. He pulled out his phone claiming he wanted to remember the sheer joy he was feeling in that moment. Now it’s bringing me dread.

Tweet after tweet sharing the same group of photos.

Harry doesn’t say a single word, knowing that I’ve seen exactly what he was trying to break down to me.

“Oh my god.” I shutter, refreshing as the tweets come in by the hundreds.

“Y/n I-”

I hang up before he can utter another word. I can’t speak with him right now, knowing exactly who’s to blame for putting me out there like that. We broke up nearly a year ago, if he had simply deleted the photos once the relationship was over, maybe we wouldn’t be here.

I read the thread of messages between Jordan my manager and Paula my publicist. Both are trying to diffuse the situation. I wonder how they found out, did they get a call at two in the morning from Jeff?

I simply reply that in the morning to meet at my house to get everything sorted out, there’s no point in stressing over what we can’t change and losing sleep over it. They both agree to be at my house bright and early at seven.

I put my phone back down and pull myself under the covers. At least for a few more hours this can’t be real. A few more hours I can hide under the covers and pretend that this isn’t happening.

I put coffee on, knowing that the girls will be here any moment, hopefully with a plan in hand on how we can diffuse the situation.

“Good morning.” Paula smiles cheerily followed by Jordan who just has a tight smile.

“Please tell me there’s something we can do.” I sit down on my touch, letting my hands warm on the mug.

“Yes, we-kind of!” Paula gushes.

I look to Jordan for a clear answer. Paula has always been a little nuttier, I love her to death, but right now I need serious and I need a plan. I need cold and honest.

“I talked with Jeff for a while last night and we both agree that we think it’s best for us to meet up together to discuss a course of action in person. We have a flight in an hour.”

“So you’re telling me that my nudes leak from his phone and now I have to hop on a plane to go see him?” My jaw must reach the floor by now.

“It’ll be better to get this all sorted out with both teams together. We have the same common goal here, we just want to make this look a little better.”

“Easy for you to say when it’s not your body trending on Twitter.”

“I wasn’t the one sending them.” She raises her brow, she’s told me a dozen times to never put myself in a position like this. That there can’t be any leaks when you don’t take anything private.

I climb upstairs to my room and grab a bag to start packing. I throw on a cute sweat suit and find a pair of dark tinted sunglasses. If anything, the airport is the last place I should be right now. The paparazzi are worse than they’ve ever been, even with Harry, I’ve never been bombarded like this. They throw question after question to me, hoping to get the first scoop on me the morning after it leaked. While it’s still hot and trending with every news outlet.

“Jesus.” Paula mutters, “Still got all your fingers and toes?”

I smile finally, “I’m fine, thank you.”

The flight is peaceful, thankfully. Jordan types a mile a minute on her laptop next to me. Surely, trying to work out a plan and get as many pictures taken down as possible. Not that it matters now, it’s out in the world forever now.

A sleek black car picks us up and drives the familiar route to Harry’s London home. We pull into the driveway and it knocks the air out of my lungs as soon as my feet hit the ground. There’s several cars that don’t belong to Harry, which means it’s a full house today.

I let Jordan walk in first, letting myself weakly trail behind. I haven’t seen Harry since the break up. Maybe once at an award show, but it was far away and we didn’t exchange words. I definitely didn’t think I would be stepping into his house again.

“Jordan.” Jeff greets, getting up from the dining table where it looks like people have set up camp. A whole crew of people making calls, scouring Twitter, and god knows what else.

“Hi, Jeff.” She smiles.

I look around a little, trying not to be obvious. The house looks the same, Hardly a single thing out of place in over a year. Not that I expect it too, I never fully lived here outside of a few weeks at a time. It’s not like our shared Malibu home that we sold in the break up. This place was always predominantly his.

Speaking of Harry, finally he looks up from his phone, he had been biting at his cuticles probably worrying, panicking. He tucks his phone in his back pocket and walks over to the rest of us. Paula instantly pulls him down for a hug, she always loved him.

“Harry!” She sighs.

He lets out a soft laugh and bends down to hug her short stature. We make eye contact a few times, but never say anything.

“I wish this was under different circumstances.” Paula whispers, even though we still all catch it.

“No hug? Harry teases Jordan. They were never close but at least he’s attempting to lighten the mood. Harry is probably the last person on this planet that she wants to hug.

“I’m not your biggest fan right now.” Jordan sighs, her steel cold gaze returns. I bite back a smirk over how protective she can be sometimes.

“Y/n, I-” Harry starts, finally turning his full attention to me.

“Y/n!” A louder voice cuts him off, I glance over his shoulder to see Gemma getting up from the couch in the living room, Anne close behind.

“Oh my god, I’ve missed you!” She pulls me in for a hug, her arms pulling me in tight, as if to make up for the months of nearly no contact.

“I’ve missed you too, Gem.” I tighten my grip around her.

Anne appears in my line of vision now, smiling softly. I release my grip on Gemma and she does the same, Anne taking her place.

“You’ll get through this, darling.” She whispers softly as she rubs her hand up and down my back. Her words bring tears to my eyes. I’ve tried to not let myself be sad about this. I’ve only felt anger, but hugging Anne has opened the floodgates. “You’re strong.”

“I need to freshen up.” I clear my throat, Anne pulls back and smiles.

No one says a word as I excuse myself to the closest guest bathroom. I wash my face with cold water and take a few deep breaths trying to prepare myself somewhat for what I have to go out there and face. I open the door and notice Harry leaning against the wall across from the door.

“Hi.” He picks his head up, no longer staring at the ground.”

“Hi.” I say back.

“Y/n I am so sorry. I had no clue any of this would happen. If I had known-”

“Why did you keep the pictures Harry?” I ask, I want answers not apologies. He’s still Harry and I know he’s feeling so much guilt right now.

“I don’t really know.” He shrugs, “I wasn’t being pervy with them, wasn’t keeping them for any indecent reason. They were just another memory that I didn’t want to lose. I didn’t delete any of the pictures.”

I can’t think of a response which is fine because Jeff calls for both of us to join them. We sit down at the table along with a few unfamiliar faces. As soon as we do they dive into the details, talking about how somehow Harry’s iCloud was hacked and that meant they had access to all photos.

“Well why are my pictures the only ones out there? It’s his phone that got hacked!” I yell.

“We don’t know.” Jordan answers, “We don’t know what else they got either. If they have more that they’re waiting to sell.”

“Fuck’s sake.” Harry mutters, rubbing over his eyes.

“Well Harry, got anything else I should worry about? Or any other girls you should warn?” I turn to look at him, a flash of red creeps up his neck and hangs around on his cheeks. It was a low blow, but it slips out before I can stop it.

“There’s no one else.” Harry answers, “And for other pictures I don’t know to be completely honest.

“Well, it might help for us to get an idea of what else could be out there. We should try and get an idea of what else the two of you have.” Jeff's words make me look to Anne, now it’s my turn to blush but she isn’t phased by any of it so far.

“Well it could be worse.” A man from Harry’s team states as he shuts his lap top, leaning in to join the conversation.

“How so?” Gemma prompts crossing her arms over her chest.

“Any publicity is good-”

“Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence.” I cut off the man before he can continue. “You can’t talk. You can’t say any publicity is good publicity. Not until your body is trending on Twitter. Not until everyone with social media has seen your body, talked about it, and used it. Not until you have to call your parents and tell them you’re sorry and to stay away from phones for a while. Not until your body is no longer your body.”

The chair loudly scrapes against the floor as I stand up. I can’t sit here at the table and listen to them talk about it like it’s not as huge as it is. Because to them this is work, to me it’s my real life. I make my way towards the back porch. It’s always been one of my favorite spots. It’s got the best view of the garden.

I trust Jordan for decisions on this. She knows me well enough after all of these years together. They’ll run anything else past me, but I don’t need to be in there while they attempt damage control.

I sit down on the outdoor couch and pull my legs up to my chest. It’s peaceful for a few minutes and I just let myself bask in it. I could probably fall asleep if I tried, jet lag and all. It’s soft, but still loud enough for me to hear the door open. I turn to see Harry just standing there, trying not to invade my bubble while still giving me my space.

“C’mon.” I nod to the spot beside me. There’s no point in being mad anymore. What’s done is done. I will always love Harry more than the drama.

He shuffles over and takes a seat. A slow fog rolls in as it slowly gets darker.

“Do you ever miss it?” His voice quiet and steady. I don’t have to ask to know he’s talking about our relationship.

“Harry, we dated for three years, of course I’m going to miss that. Now what’s got you all sentimental? See those pictures and remember how good of a lay I am?” I tease bumping his shoulder with mine, with a smirk. He lets out an airy laugh, easing the tension.

“No, even before these past few days.” He finally looks over at me, tearing his eyes away from the yard, “I always miss you.”

“Harry.” I sigh. “We both agreed. We were both touring, we never even saw each other. And when we weren’t we were stuck in the studio. Different studios I might add.”

“Isn’t rarely seeing each other better than never?”

His question hangs in the air, both of us leaving it unanswered.

“I don’t know, Harry.” I answer after several minutes. The sun dips below the horizon, and my head dips down to his shoulder. “I don’t know.”

I don’t know how long we sit like that. The sun is gone now, and the breeze actually feels cold, but Harry’s arm is heavy and warm around my shoulder.

The door suddenly opens causing both of our heads to perk up. It’s Gemma with the smallest smile on her face.

“They’re asking for you guys in there.”

“Ready, love?” Harry stands, holding out a hand to pull me up with him.

“Well it’s now or never.”

part two? let me know what you guys think

[batarella]

3 birds 1 stone - BLUE

From a world once so cruel, that never seemed to have granted them the time enough to be together, it’d never built up into anything more perfect.

WORDS: 7785 WARNINGS: Sexual Content

MASTERLIST | 3 BIRDS 1 STONE MASTERLIST | RED | YELLOW

-----

Dick:

It was concerning how at the moment he stepped into the narrow elevator, he wasn’t the least bit surprised at the pile of animal shit at the corner. It wasn’t until the doors closed when he noticed it, or rather his nose did, and he had to clog his nostrils just so he doesn’t pass out on the floor.

“Gar!?” he yelled just as the doors opened. No one was there, save for Raven with a book sitting at the couch. She didn’t glance at him. “Gar, I swear if you took a shit in the elevato-“

“That wasn’t me!”

Gar’s voice came from the kitchen, panting and occupied with something unruly. Then he heard plates falling to the floor, breaking, then there was a whimper. Not one that came from a human.

“Then who was it!?”

His question was soon answered, when a dog, a brown-furred mutt, sprinted out into the living room with a strip of bacon lodged in its teeth. “Gar!”

“I told you!”

Gar came out of the kitchen with a leash that had been ripped. “It wasn’t me!”

“You brought a dog into the tower?!”

“It was hungry!”

The mutt had finished off the bacon and headed straight for Raven’s lap. She gave it a scratch under its ear.

“Not on the couch,” Dick said.

“But Dick-“

“You’re not allowed on the couch either,” he told Gar. The boy murmured something Dick couldn’t hear, and after a second, no longer was he a boy but a green parrot. It squealed against Dick’s ear before it flew to Raven’s book.

“Jesus-“ he rubbed his ear. “I’m not in the mood.”

“SQUAWK-,” the parrot said. “WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?”

Having some coherent answer to that would only cement it as some grueling reminder. Hell, even thinking about it hurts more than the coward’s way out of pretending the past year never even happened. But then again, here he was, back in the Titan’s Tower to escape from the love of his life he could never be with and force himself into this infernal damnation of having forever to get over her. Here. Thousands of miles away. Where he’d only have his thoughts to battle and nothing else.

But all he said was: “Nothing.”

Dick should have told her, at least. Given her that kind of closure instead of his current disappearing act without so much as a note or a text or even a notice memo at the manor’s announcement board, which Alfred insisted with there being eight kids around.

But being away will be good. For her. For him. The first step to moving on. And with that, cutting all ties. Make it hurt less for both of them.

Maybe not all ties. He’ll have to go back to Gotham soon enough. But at least he was trying something. Not like the past five, six, seven years. God, has it really been that long?

She was probably over at Tim’s office, or Jason’s apartment doing whatever. Thinking about it won't do him any good. Doesn’t mean he subconsciously won’t.

It was apparent, and out into full consciousness, when he pulled out his phone and saw her name in five missed calls, with voice messages she’s left behind. A whole lot of minutes of them, too, it seems. She’d called while he was on the plane.

He could listen to them. Hear her voice one last time. Let his mind trail away. God, he was pathetic.

Dick put it up to his ear, his other hand stuffed to his pockets as he went out to the tower’s highest balcony so at least the air wasn’t so stuffy and he wouldn’t choke so much.

He wasn’t even nervous when he heard her speak. “Hey, Dick.”

A plane. A helicopter. Some folks over at the apartment building nearby partying it out. At least he’d have something to look at. He was exhausted, too. It was eight am over at Gotham. Shouldn’t have taken the overnight flight.

“You weren’t at the manor. I tried calling there first. I wanted to see you. Call me when you get this?”

He might. After he listens to the four other messages she’d left behind.

“Hey. I know it’s only been an hour. But please call me.”

Another one.

“Dick, where are you? I hope you didn’t change your phone. or I’ll look stupid leaving all these messages behind, which I’m not about to stop doing. Call me. Please. No one knows where you are but no one’s panicking either. It’s worrying me.”

Next one. From another hour after. He’d been gone a little over ten hours since he left. If Bruce didn’t have a tracker on him, they’d have called the police by now. But he highly doubted Bruce would take the time to announce his little trip to the West Coast to everyone in the house.

“Dick, if this is you ignoring me, you’re doing a hell of a good job at it. Did I do something?”

He heard her huff over the phone. No one else seemed to be around her.

“Please, I just wanna talk. Call me.”

The last one. Sent just four hours ago, which meant she’d been awake at four in the morning.

And, on top of that, the last one was five whole minutes long.

A call to tell her she was dating Tim again? Explaining how there are no hard feelings? Catch a movie sometime? An ass of him to think she’d be that cruel, but he was jetlagged and exhausted and the smell of dog shit still hadn’t left, which could be explained because that mutt had made a home just a few feet away from where he stood.

Dick played the message despite all that. Even if she called to tell him she’s getting married. He’d answer it.

“Dick…”

He could hear the rain, sheets shuffling under her feet.

“I’m sorry…” she said. “I… I probably took too long… I guess, if you’re ignoring me, you still deserve to know. I hope you get this message. I’ll tell you now, I guess. So you won't have to respond if you don’t want to.”

Tears. He could hear her wipe them off her skin.

“I kept you waiting for… I wanna say months but it’s a lot longer than that. Years… God, and I didn’t even see it… I took too long trying to figure this all out for myself, and you just kept waiting for me. No one should be worth waiting for that long.”

He was laughing as if it were one of her god-awful jokes. Funnily enough, it was worth it. Even when it sent him nowhere in the end. All that waiting was worth it. Somehow.

“Which is why I don’t blame you. Because you shouldn’t have taken this long. I thought even if I took another few weeks before I’d have enough courage to finally ask you to be mine, you’d still be there waiting for me. Selfish as it is, but I guess that’s your fault, too. Spoiling me and whatnot. Now my expectations for men are out of hand. Sorry.”

She even fucking laughed all the while he could hear her biting back her sobs. If he were there, he’d hold her by the shoulders and squeeze the fucking sense back into her and tell her yes, I did wait for you, and I’d wait for you for a hundred more years if I had to but I know you love someone else and-

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Backtrack.

What the hell did she just say!?

“I mean, I’m…” she continued, completely ignoring his panic. Was there a rewind on this thing??? “The past two days all I did was read your letter. Over and over again, trying to find something I could have missed. I memorized it by now. I’m a wreck. I’m sorry. I know it’s all so complicated, but I can't stop thinking that if the timing had just been good to us the past few years, all this would have been so different.”

Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT, is she actually saying she-

“I’m so sorry, Dick…” she sighed. “I kept you waiting. But even if… even if you’re not anymore, I already made up my mind. I’ll be here. It’s my turn to wait for you. As long as it takes. I love yo-“

Something hit the back of his knees.

Which, unfortunately, with him not in some defensive stance, caught him in a rather vulnerable position.

And with that, Dick tumbled off his feet, almost fell off the railing, and failed to catch his phone from slipping right off his hands.

“NO!”

“DOWN BOY-SQUAWK!” Gar the parrot cried and followed the obnoxiously unruly dog running around the terrace. “SORRY, DICK!”

The dog kept running around and almost crashed to his feet twice with it being too fast even for Gar's supposedly swift wings, and if he wasn’t so frozen and horrified, watching his phone descend from almost a hundred stories above ground, he would have grabbed that mutt by the neck.

“GAR, I SWEAR TO GOD-“

“I’m sorry!” He turned back into a human and caught the dog. “It was him!”

“My fucking phone just fell over the railing!”

“Want me to go get it-“

A car alarm. He could hear it even from above. Or Gar did. Because he went to look over and caught sight of his phone breaking a car’s windshield below. He scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry.”

“I have to…” Dick pulled on his scalp. “I have to go call her.”

“Call who?!”

“Give me your phone!”

“I don’t have a phone!”

“Give me Raven’s phone!”

“She talks to people with her mind,” Gar twirled his finger against his temple. “She doesn’t need a phone!”

“Just get- UGH!”

He stormed back into the building. “Where the hell is everyone else!?”

“They’re all out of town!”

“So it’s just you and Raven in here?! Without adult supervision!?”

“Why do you think we got a dog into the building?!”

Said dog stuck his tongue out at him like it was just so awfully adorable.

“Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok.” He can do this. He can calm down. “I have to go back. Or call her at least.”

“You’re going back to Gotham now?!”

She said she’ll wait. But to hell with keeping her waiting. “Yes. I do. I’m going back now. As soon as I can call her and tell her I’m on my way-“

“I wouldn’t do that.”

Raven didn’t even look up from her book, legs up on the couch as seemingly relaxed as if the whole wreck of a home they lived in wasn’t a mess at all.

“Next flight to Gotham’s in an hour.” She levitated an apple to her mouth and took a bite. “And the one after that’s in two days.”

“Two days!?”

“Airline shutdown. Some strike is happening,” she pointed at the TV playing the news. “I’d hurry if I were you.”

“God fucking dammit-“

“Good luck.” Raven took another bite.

Of course. Of course, this would fucking happen.

But, fuck, he didn’t know if he should just leap out the window to keep up now that everything he’s ever wished for had finally come to be. Because, to his own beliefs up in the clouds, he could probably fly with just the flap of his measly arms.

Y/N chose him.

He left for the elevator, just before Gar stopped him for leaving his wallet, then he was sprinting his way back to the airport.

.

You:

“I already made up my mind,” you said to your phone as if there were anyone else on the other line. As if he was there, listening to you. And that in a few seconds, he’d respond.

“I’ll be here. It’s my turn to wait for you. As long as it takes. I love you, Dick.”

Quite haunting how easy it was for those words to just roll off your lips, because as much as you thought all this to be so complicated and difficult, it was the easiest thing you’ve ever had to say.

At four am, alone in your studio with all your lights off and your sheets in an unkempt mess. You stuck your knees so close to your chest, trying to conceal at least some kind of warmth against you. But even with it so easy, it didn’t mean it wasn’t hurting.

“I can't,” you stuck your palm to your forehead. “I know things are so hard between us… and this past year is just…”

You breathed, longer than you’d hoped, just to get enough air into your lungs just so you wouldn’t collapse.

“God, I don’t even know what to tell you anymore. It all just… It feels like it’s too late. Everything went so wrong between us and I can't stop but think maybe it’s the world saying we’re just not meant to be,” you swallowed. “And the scary thing is… I don’t even care.”

The blue rose you painted, staring back at you once so bright, but as the passing days of you still wondering if were brave enough to do this at all, it had dried up and was now blank, patronizing even, that maybe it just wasn’t right, even when you wanted it to be.

“I don’t care if it’s so complicated, I want you…”

On the bed, just by your feet, you locked your eyes onto Dick’s beautiful handwriting, some that had been smudged with the sweat from your hands with the paper now crumpled up after all those months of reading and rereading.

You closed your eyes.

“You sent me an awfully painful, heart-breaking letter,” you said. “This is my awfully painful, heart-breaking reply.”

.

‘I usually just say all this in my head. That’s when I get poetic. Sometimes I write it down. Most of the time, I try to paint them. I think of galaxies and meadows and skies and flowers and all that, metaphors as they are, but I’ll say everything I’ve got. Right now. Because you deserve to know that all those years of you thinking nothing could ever go how you wanted, that it could end being just that.

.

Dick:

“Hey.”

Hands on the counter, the attendant looked startled at the least.

“I need a ticket for the next flight to Gotham.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” she said, after taking a while to look at Dick’s handsome yet frantically uneasy face. “You just missed it-“

“I know, I know, I missed the last one.” The one that left just five minutes ago because of fucking California traffic. “But I need to get on the next one. Please.”

“All flights from San Francisco after the next hour are canceled I’m afraid.”

“Any connecting flights? Anything that leaves before that?”

“Sir, I-” she stretched her fingers. “I’ll look for something.”

His fingers, tapping onto the counter until the tip of his nails started to hurt.

“The best option’s a connecting flight to Denver, then to New York.”

“New York!?”

“Then there’s the railway transits to Gotham. I can book you a ticket for that, too.”

From a seven-hour flight to a seventeen-hour trip with layovers and a crowded train.

But as soon as he heard best option he pulled out his wallet quicker than when they told him his rent was three months overdue and that if he weren’t to pay the doorman that very instant they’d evict him.

He rushed to the first plane, closed his eyes, and prayed she hadn’t said anything in her voice message too important for him to miss out on.

.

‘The universe, or whatever it is out there that has a say in all this, they didn’t make it easy for us at all. If they did, we would have met long before we went too far into this mess. We were friends, sure, and you have no idea how much I value our friendship.

But I guess not even that friendship’s strong enough for us to deny what’s really going on. And that’s why it’s all so hard. I can't even look at you without thinking about kissing you, or holding you, or touching you. I can't hold your hand without wanting to never pull away. I can't even be in the same room with you and not stare, even when you’re just reading a book or talking to someone else. You are… you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and you’re just as beautiful within, which is why it was so easy to love you, and so hard to keep it in.’

.

You:

Morning. Eleven am at that. You slept before the sun was up, at least. But you were up all night.

Nothing. Not a call, not even a text from him.

Everything shattered, and you were still half asleep. The next thing you did, and the next thing to do, was wrap yourself up with the thickest layer of your blanket and hide in the dark, even with it such a lovely day.

Another message wouldn’t be such a good idea if he still hadn’t opened the last five, which seemed highly unlikely with him gone for almost a day now.

A day. It had been a day.

But nothing on GCPD’s notices reported a missing person’s file of an utterly gorgeous, half-Romani hunk of a man in any of their websites. You called the manor, again. Still, there was nothing.

Twelve at noon. All you had for lunch was a bagel from three nights ago. It stuffed you, at least.

You sat at your dining table and stared at your phone.

If there was a moment for so much love to come crashing at once, it would all have been too great for that to be possible.

But the moment you realized it was there at all,

A few weeks ago. Steph’s birthday.

A party at the manor. It wasn’t much. Just a little get together with everyone at the parlor.

Everyone was talking, laughing, and frankly you wished you’d joined them. It looked like fun.

But instead, you were looking out the window, at the gardens white with melted snow and winds strong enough to knock the leaves out the branches. But you couldn’t hear any of that, which made it peaceful. It was the trees that danced, birds instead of planes that hovered over the sky, not a star above but perhaps it was because it was so full of clouds. It looked cold. Cold always looked so beautiful when you were looking out from the warmth of the inside.

Dick walked up to your side, just a reasonable distance away so he wouldn’t touch your shoulder, but close enough that you’d smell the jasmine from his neck.

“You’re just gonna stand out here and watch the glass fog up?”

You remembered laughing, probably at something else he’d said after that.

“It’s pretty when you look hard enough.”

And all the while, he didn’t pull your arm and drag you over at the crowd. He didn’t tell you to join them, to loosen up and have fun or have a drink or in any way stop you from what you were doing.

He just stood there and joined you, instead. Ditched his family. Didn’t even speak much.

He stood there because he wanted to. Because you staring out the window was more interesting to him than a whole crowd of kids doing whatever.

When he balled up his fist, covered it with his sleeve, and wiped the window right in front of you to rid it from the fog so you could see the gardens clearer, you knew you loved him.

Such a small act that was, but it was the finality of everything else that built up to that moment.

Then, you remembered what you told him last night, in a voice message that lasted way too long and sounded far too painful.

.

‘I don’t regret what I had with Tim… but I do regret not saying anything the past four years when I had the chance. You were there. You were there and I could never have had it any other way. When we’re not trying so hard for everything to be alright, everything’s at its best. I’m not even your girlfriend, and already I think about every minute I spend with you and laugh before I’m off to bed. I think about your jokes way too long than they should ever last. And your smile, god your smile, saying that that it’s all I could ever think about wouldn’t do it any justice. You have drawn out the ugliest laugh out of me that never should have come out of any human in existence. And frankly, I’m glad you do. Because just when I thought I could never smile again, you made me the happiest I could ever be.’

.

Dick:

Of all days. Of all times.

His survival rate at that point, rushing through Denver Airport with just a fifteen-minute layover period, with his shoelaces undone, probably wasn’t one he should have relied on. He was starving, but he had the appetite of a mammal in hibernation with the horrible airplane food costing a hundred dollars and everything else taking too long to prepare.

With just thirty seconds to spare, he fell to his too-narrow coach seat, shuffled along so his large ass-damn this cursed asset-would fit through the aisle and breathed just as the air hissed into the cabin after they closed the service door.

Head against the back of the seat, eyes up the ceiling, at the smoke that blew in through that gap outside the overhead locker, he ignored his dried skin, his dry mouth, his feet that were close to standing on a thousand knife tips, his eyes so close to just shutting out, his wallet painfully thin with this whole trip costing the equivalent of a round trip to Shanghai, and his whole body about to collapse. He hasn’t slept in twenty-four hours. It didn’t look like he was ever going to sleep at all.

And he hasn’t even called. God, what was she doing at home? Is she okay? Is she eating okay? Is she worried about him, staring at her phone wondering what she did wrong when she was nothing less of a perfect creation of all the gods that existed, an angel the earth didn’t deserve?

He really, really had to call.

Someone just sat next to him. A child. And next to him was his mother, who just put down her phone from a call.

“Excuse me.” Dick put on his award-winning smile, pretended he wasn’t sweating his balls off or that he was in any way close to psychological death, and hoped he looked the part as well.

“Yes?”

“Is it okay if I, uh, borrow your phone? I have to make a call. It’s sort of an emergency.”

“The plane’s about to take off.”

“It won't take long. I promise.”

He probably didn’t look as charming as he’d hoped. His hair was a mess not even a bird would settle into. The woman looked at him quizzically, up and down, and shrugged. Like it was handed to him on a silver plater, she gave him her phone.

The aircraft was about to take off. He only had so long.

He called Y/N’s number that he didn’t even know he memorized and settled back. It started ringing.

“MOM!”

The kid beside him. He was tugging on his mother’s shirt.

“MOM, I’M BORED.”

“We’re in a plane,-“

“I’M BORED. I WANNA PLAY ROBLOX-“

“Not now, we’re in a plane. Sit down.”

“GIVE ME YOUR PHONE-“

“That man has my phone.”

Fuck.

Y/N, fucking pick up.

“HEY, GIVE ME MY MOM’S PHONE BACK-“

“Kid, I hear ya. But you have to give me this one-“

“GIVE ME THE PHONE-“

That kid, a chubby one not older than six, stood up from his chair and was wild enough to grab Dick’s hand away from holding the phone up his ear. If he weren’t so desperate, he would have let him have it.

But god almighty, he’s never been as desperate as a starving man in a desert.

“Kid. Just one minute.”

“NO, GIVE ME!”

The mother put on a sleeping mask and faced the other way.

“KID-“

“GIVE ME MY PHONE-“

Back and forth, both grabbing onto the phone and the kid having the strength he did not at all expect, they ended up wrestling it out in the cramped-up economy seats until the kid was screaming out his ears.

He’s never looked so ridiculous but jokes on everyone else if they thought he could care less.

“Excuse me.”

An attendant, bags under her eyes and giving both of them, not just the kid, a dirty look.

“I’m sorry, sir, but the other passengers have complained about the noise. I’m gonna have to ask you to take your seat.”

“NO!” the kid screamed.

“DID YOU JUST BITE ME!?” Dick cried out.

“GIVE ME THE PHONE!”

“I NEED TO CALL SOMEONE!”

Dick grabbed the phone off his hands, palm to the kid’s face to stop him from reaching out to his outstretched arm. “Don’t you have some kind of coloring book you can give him?”

The attendant smiled, albeit forcefully, and walked back over to the back of the cabin. The kid did not stop trying to grab it off Dick’s arm.

She gave the kid a bag that probably had books and crayons and whatever stuffed inside. It looked so old. It had to have been in storage for the past ten years.

But as if some miracle heard him, the kid shut up, took the bag, and settled on his seat. Then he was as quiet as a mouse.

Fucking finally.

He held the phone up his ear and closed his eyes, fingers easing the tension on the nerve on his forehead.

“And sir?”

The attendant smiled at him. It didn’t look so much of a smile as it was a death threat.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to turn off your mobile device.”

To say he wanted to squeeze the life out of everyone in the whole aircraft, including himself, wouldn’t cut it.

And he didn’t even have it in him to protest.

“Hello?”

Her voice. At the other end of the line. That word was all there is to it, the only thing he heard.

Dick sighed, closed his eyes, counted to three, then ended the call after just two seconds.

The next thing he heard, for the next three hours, would be the screams of the child at his side, kicking on his seat like a fucking soccer ball.

.

‘That call from a year ago. The one about Kori. Fuck, I don’t even know where to begin. I overreacted. By a mile. Did some stupid shit to make up for that guilt and masked it over as another heartbreak when really, it was me refusing to have to go through all that again. I had to see you with that woman when I was in love with you for three years. Of course, it hurt. But I shouldn’t have an excuse. It was so stupid. Just thinking about it makes me want to break. I’m so sorry about that, Dick. I know we’ve already been over that months ago, but I just want to clear everything while I still can. God, I don’t even know if you’d listen to all this. I’m rambling. I’m sorry. I put all the blame on you when I had my share of mistakes. A whole lot of them. I’m sorry. I love you. And I’m sorry.’

.

You:

Hung up after two seconds. All you heard on the other end of the line was breathing and huffing, and nothing else. Whoever it was, they’ve been calling the past two minutes, just as you stepped out of the shower. And you almost cracked a rib flying from your bathroom to your kitchen table with just a towel around you, hoping to see his name on the screen. But alas, your luck just wasn’t at its peak.

You put your phone down, still with nothing to do, nothing else you could think of doing, than to just wait on that seat, stare at your phone, and hope Dick hadn’t hurt himself going after some goon alone the night before. Still no missing persons report. Nothing from the rest of the team, either.

Maybe just once more. You could call him. It wouldn’t annoy him too much. It had been hours since the last one.

You called, put the phone up your ear.

No ringing. It went straight to voice mail.

You opened your mouth, thinking you had something to say.

But you didn’t have anything to say. Not anymore. Not after you poured your whole heart out on the last one and now your throat was as dry as your palms were sweating.

You put your phone down, facing away from you, then you sank to your arms, burying your crumbling face away even with no one to see you.

.

‘That’s why I hate myself for not caring if this was difficult. Because I know, somehow, that’s it’s all still gonna be worth it. With you. Just thinking about the things we’d do, you’ve been the light of my life, the one person I look for not just because I need it, but because being with you makes so much of my day, every day that I see you. I look for you in crowds. I turn to your face when I want to look at something pleasant. I stare at doors, constantly hoping you’d be the one to walk in. I seek out for your voice, call you even when I know it’s a bother, find the most ridiculous excuses and the most stupid questions just so I’d have a reason to stand close to you, to have you talking to me, wanting all that everyday. I’ve never met anyone like you, Dick. I’ll never get used to you, and there’s no way in hell that I’d ever get tired of you. And maybe that’s the price to pay with all this being so hard. As complicated as it is, the troubles aren’t half the worth of the happiness it comes with.’

.

Two flights, three within the past thirty hours, jet-lagged far beyond a night’s repair, and his stomach in so many knots that even the bag of peanuts from the plane was too much to digest. And it wasn’t from poisoning or hunger or whatever it was. Everything in a whirlwind, one he can't even track.

He got to New York before it was dark, and he wanted to kiss the floor.

But he wasn’t at Gotham yet. This trip wasn’t over.

And if it weren’t for the half a million people crowded over at the airport, he would have been in Gotham right at that second.

Past the crowd, fumbling and running for whatever life he had left that wasn’t a spirit descended into something infinitely better than this, he made it over to the other side of the terminal, with his pits sweating his shirt off and his legs made of cooked chicken drumsticks and dough.

He got to the railway station, over at the attendant behind the counter.

“Excuse me,” he panted, and just like the one at the San Francisco airport, it startled her. Except now, there was no using his charm or his looks when he looked like he crawled out of a swamp.

“To Gotham,” he said.

“Ticket?”

He reached for his wallet, hands shaking so horribly it was worrying if he hadn’t known it came with his mind being as much of a mess as a wrecked ship from the 1800s.

And all the more did they tremble, down to his sorry knees, when he opened every flap there was on his wallet to find every pocket empty.

No.

No. no. no. no. no.

He searched his pockets. His jacket. His pants. His fucking shoes. If he had a hat he’d probably look into that too.

Nothing. Not a stub. A tiny stub that would have easily been blown by so much as a gust from a fan, let alone running a marathon in three airports in a single day.

“I,” he swallowed. “I seemed to have lost my ticket.”

Yeah. He wasn’t getting out of this one. The attendant looked at him and snarled like the annoyance he was.

“All the trains are sold out. And I’m afraid you can't board the train without a ticket.”

“Ma’am, I really, really, have to get to Gotham-“

“I’m afraid you’re gonna have to step out of the line.”

Like every force in the universe was out to get him.

“Do you have a phone? A payphone at least? I really need to call someone-“

“Sir, please step out of the line.”

“Please, ma’am, there has to be some way you can squeeze me into one of those trains-“

The attendant waved at someone behind him.

Two security guards were at his side before he could even turn around.

“Alright, alright, I’m leaving,” he huffed. “You guys don’t happen to have a phone I could use?”

Both guards ignored him, set him aside against a pillar.

And, with the excruciating exhaustion finally crashing into this one blow to the face, he stuck his back against the column, head up to the ceiling, then fell on his ass.

God, what does he even say to her after this?

If he actually gets to talk to her, that is.

“Final call for boarding!”

That light. One, single light. Or two, if he focused his eyes. The headlights from outside the revolving doors, from a bus that just opened its doors. It was a light, because it had GOTHAM in bold letters pasted onto its windshield.

And a line of people stepping inside. Kids and adults, old people alike.

He sat up from the floor, hungry, tired, and in pain.

But this was all going to be worth it. Every minute of this.

He just knew, that one last push, after this tormenting, inferno of a day, would all come to an end he’d dreamed about since he first laid eyes on her that day at the Wayne Manor’s library.

Dick got in line outside the bus, told the conductor he’d pay when they get inside. And after he did, he had just a quarter in his wallet to spare. No one sat beside him. The others were at the back. The one across was fast asleep. He couldn’t call her.

He’ll just have to hope, that whatever worries she had waiting for him to come up, that she’d forgive him enough for all this to end the way he hoped it would.

Three hours on a bus.

Didn’t even sound like it was remotely a long time.

The moment he took his seat, the bus doors hissed closed, and the air so silent, so did everything else calm.

He’s waited so long.

But he just had to wait for another three hours. In a bus. Then he’ll see her.

He closed his eyes.

.

‘I don’t even know why I rambled so much about all this being so complicated.

Because even if I had to walk up to the sky, I know there’s a galaxy waiting for me at the end. You are worth it. You are worth everything. I’ve never been so obsessed with anyone my whole life. You are, with my whole heart, my greatest love. And you are so beautiful that I never want to look at anything else ever again. And I never thought I’d get know beauty the way I do when I talk to you. You are everything I could ever want. And so much more.

And that pain, that hurt we both had to go through after all those years. That pining and waiting, and the heartbreak just because I was too stupid to understand that it didn’t have to be so hard after all, it doesn’t even matter, when at the end, I get to be with you.

I’d go through all that again if it means I can be with you.

You are the man I’ve dreamt about since I could first dream, and I’m lucky enough to have you in my reality. It’s you I want, Dick.

So I’ll wait for you. As long as I have to.

I love you so much.

Please, for the love of God, call me.’

.

You:

That message.

The longer you stared at your phone, the more you wondered if it was the right thing to do at all.

It was four am. You were tired. And worried.

And it was four am now, a whole day after.

Not a single call.

You’ve done it this time. You tripped at the finish line.

You were selfish enough to keep that man waiting for so long hoping he’d keep going, just as he had been for years.

And now, this is what you get.

You have yourself alone, in your apartment, one you haven’t cleaned in a week, and your heart in the same shatters as it often had been.

Your phone rang. You weren’t so excited to pick it up. Rightfully so when you saw it was just Bruce.

“Hello?” you said, your weight against the table’s surface, also surprised that it hadn’t broken.

“Y/N,” Bruce said. “I heard you were looking for Dick.”

“Mhm?”

“Sorry I haven’t called. Anyways, the last location I can point him to was at the Titans Tower in San Francisco.”

Okay.

You’ve had your heart broken before.

But it wasn’t just that that had broken right then.

Everything else, every bone, every bit of flesh there was, it was this numbing buzz you couldn’t even fight.

“What?”

Just then, someone knocked on your door.

And it wasn’t just a knock. They were pounding against the wood.

The ringing in your ears hadn’t even subsided, and you were breathless, muscles stiff. You just let the pounding go on until you heard Bruce hang up on the other line.

Life didn’t even give you so much as a second to process all that, of what he could be doing there, who he was with.

Your walked to the door, and without looking into the eyehole, you unlatched the lock and opened it.

Some glitch there was if all this were nothing but a simulation.

But it was as if the last five minutes-no-the last two days hadn’t happened at all.

Dick never looked like such a mess.

But, nonetheless, the way you stared at him was as if he was as beautiful as he ever was.

Everything that had broken, the moment you looked into his eyes, had fallen right back into place, into an entity far stronger than any quake could knock it out of.

Dick shut the door behind him.

He grabbed your face.

Then he kissed you. Without words. Without letting so much as a speck of time, however it worked now that it’d stopped, pass and waste away.

.

Dick:

Whatever she told him in that message he never got to hear, everything she ever had to say, the instant he felt her kiss him back, it was like every word flew out of her lips. How she wanted him. How she chose him. How in love she was with the mess of a human being he could be. How all the trials they’d been forced to go through, all the misunderstandings and the fights and the long months of this troubling, awkward place they wanted nothing more than to climb out of. He got all that with the way her lips molded so wanting and harsh, pressed so hard against his dried, chapped pair that have never witnessed anything more beautiful and so awfully perfect.

No more time to be wasted.

Not another second.

He had her. He finally had her.

He got the girl.

Not a chance that he wasted so much as another second.

He pushed her against the wall and the gasp that came out of her wasn’t at all out of pain, but at the sheer desire that had sparked at such impact that only knocked her into the same place he’d long settled in. And he could just feel, how much she wanted so badly to speak, to tell him what was raging in her head that was as much of a mess as his. But they’ll talk. Eventually. After.

All he wanted, right then, was to have her. Love her. Love her. To send her off to some paradise that long surpassed oceans and mirages and heavens that stood on clouds, to culminate that seemingly endless torture into a reward so great, that to say it would have been worth it would be so much an understatement. To play every instrument there was and let the song resonate into her body, and make it last for the rest of his life for so long as he could touch her. All that, he was going to give her tonight. Tonight. Right then and there.

Grabbing her legs up to his hips, her hands pinned to the wall above her head, it was too much of a flash for him to rush into this beautiful thing that shouldn’t be rushed at all. But he couldn’t slow down if it meant that he lives. Even if he died right after, he just couldn’t hold back.

He was pushing himself into her and the sounds that he earned out his lips were more than any songbird could cry out. After just having her against that wall, he finally got the sense to take it to the bed. It was dark. Not a light was on. And it was raining outside the one window she had near the bed and just the streetlight outside was enough to make him see her face. Dick placed her on top of his lap, on which she enjoyed herself to her own pace. Her hips were like waves, the ocean that rocked about, and the stain on his pants that she’d left behind was just as wet as so.

At that moment even she didn’t want to wait and talk any longer.

He took off her clothes, lied back.

Then he hoisted her up so the sweetest part of her body was just hovering over his mouth, her strong, beautiful legs, one of skin and the other of metal, on either sides of his head.

.

You:

You were made of gemstones. You were shimmering.

Of diamonds and rubies and emeralds, of the most precious rocks that could be found on every soil on earth.

Everything. That pain. That darkness. All the troubles and hardships, the disputes and every tear you’ve ever had to shed. Gone. Gone when he drew out this wonderful melody of sensations from his sweet, sweet tongue quivering you to every core. You were rocking, shaking, trembling, barely keeping yourself up. Not long after you screamed, and like the skies heard you it screamed back with a thunderous roar.

Then Dick shed his own clothes and moved inside you, rolling your hips with your two bodies now this one, beautiful entity, like you were holding his hand, just as you did right then, as you both ran through the darkness of a cave that has long haunted you, with creatures and bats and ghosts flying about, just to reach the end that was a light so close and so bright, you chased yourselves, chased that very light.

And once you reached it, that blinding, flashing white light that shone with this painful, glorious sting to every bit of your flesh, to say you found that end would be wrong. It wasn’t an end. It was this continuous, tantalizing aroma that would last a lifetime. It was beauty. You felt beauty. And it was in ripples you couldn’t see. A blur you couldn’t comprehend.

You had so much to tell him and ask him about.

But just as that wonderful night showed you, you had the rest of your life to do just that.

.

Epilogue

Dick:

Life could only ever be so cruel.

But life gives its niceties. Sometimes, to the people so used to it that they take it for granted.

But it’s even more so of a nicety when it’s the people who’ve long deserved it.

Not to say he deserved the world, but it was just that he’d gotten. From a world once so cruel, that never seemed to have granted them the time enough to be together, it’d never built up into anything more perfect.

Watching her from his car’s driver seat, from where he had a perfect view of her looking at the wondrous scenes flash by outside the window. It was even more beautiful, more than ever before, now that he could take just a second off his time from the steering wheel just to kiss her.

Just a little over six months together. Never has there been anything so rewarding in his life. A rainbow, ten of them at least, that filled what was once this depressingly grey sky. He always knew it’d be worth the world. But even he surprised himself.

When they parked the car, got out into this wide, orange field, a farmland just outside of Jersey with a valley at the farthest end, the only thing that battled the brightness of her smile was the sun itself.

“It’s beautiful, Dick.”

Her voice, even more so.

He set up her canvas, all her paint, and her brushes. They found a spot on the grass that was clean enough for them both to sit on. She didn’t use her easel. Instead, they both laid on this plaid red and white sheet over the grassy soil, her using her own knees to hold it up. And Dick sat beside her, watching her as the hours ticked. Without looking away, no longer ashamed when she’d catch him.

Just before the last of the sun had set, he pulled out from his pocket a ring, one with a diamond a shape of a white rose on top.

He got it a week after they got together.

Her face, her lips wide open as she realized what came in front of her, then he asked her to be his. Forever.

She said yes, just as the sun fell.

-----

MASTERLIST | 3 BIRDS 1 STONE MASTERLIST | RED | YELLOW

-----

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A World of Our Own Pt.05

It’s Only a Spark

09/10/2020

Pairing: Bucky x Reader         Word Count: 5,114

Warnings: nudity, slight angst, pining, fluff

A/N: We’re back y’all! Awooo is back on. I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get back to this story but it won’t be a super long one. We’re talking less than ten chapters. I really want to start working on my original fiction because I want to publish, probably self-publish on Amazon or something. Fanfiction is fun but I can’t really sell it since it’s not really mine and I really want writing to be my future. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this next chapter! It’s been a long time coming. xoxo If you reblog thanks for helping me spread my work!

Please DO NOT REPOST my stories. Reblogs are welcome!

Taglist is closed!

Early morning beach walks, heat-soaked sand warming the bottom of your feet as it shifts and hisses with each step you take along the shoreline, is one thing that you can honestly admit to loving.

Being stranded on an uncharted island is not exactly great. Apart from the lack of proper vitamins—though you and Bucky had been making it work and with the knowledge of boar now, there’s your protein—no ice cubes, and no air conditioning, there are some things that you enjoy here.

These walks are one.

You enjoyed last night.

It’s been two weeks since Ryan came to live with you and Bucky, and every night is spent waiting for Bucky to sneak into the fuselage to come and hold you while you sleep.

Well, last night had been a little different. You’d fallen asleep with his head buried against your neck, your arms around his impossibly wide shoulders. Last night he’d let you see more of that vulnerability in him. The inescapable truth that even though he’s making all this work for the two of you—now three—he wants off this island too.

As you come to a stop, you take in the sky. Along the horizon painted around the bearably bright white-orange orb that is the sun, is a glowing and stunning fire red that fades out into a burnt orange, a splash of burgundy and gray before it changes into the deep purple night sky.

It’s so beautiful. This sunrise, bringing with it a new day of promise. A new day of secret looks and lingering touches.

Your mind is flooded with them. Each one more precious than the last.

Bucky hands you your food pack and he holds his hand over yours, fingers overlapping, for two seconds too long. At lunch he sits close. Knees touching before he leans back on his hands and one is so conveniently placed behind you so that it’s almost like he’s got his arm around you.

So many tiny hints that you’ve carefully calculated and added together and realize that Bucky must feel like you do. There’s no other explanation for it.

Maybe, if he were just as touchy feely with Ryan then you might consider it a possibility that he’s just that outgoing. That affectionate. But he only does this with you. He comes to your bed at night—thank goodness.

Last night it had been very clear that he wanted you to hug him, face buried in your neck or pressed tentatively against your chest until he relaxes enough that you can ask him how he’s feeling.

You chew on your scratchy chapped lip, watching as the water changes from dark turquoise to crystal green.

What will Bucky think when he wakes up and you aren’t beside him?

Usually it’s the other way around. Bucky is always gone when you wake up. Last night you’d been woken up by painful memories turned dreams. A life previously lived before the world had fallen apart.

Somehow, you find yourself being grateful for it. All of it. Because it somehow brought you here. To Bucky.

But you’d needed air and that’s why you’re on this beach, earlier than you normally are.

You can’t be imagining things, right? Bucky seems like he likes you too. It’s a little unfair to him if you’re honest. Who else can he like here? Ryan?

Nothing you’ve seen has indicated that he’s gay. If he’s bi, then maybe Ryan but Bucky seems to bristle every time Ryan comes near the two of you when that special tension begins to build.

Are you reading into things too deeply?

Frustrated you slide your hand up into your hair, yanking on it in annoyance as you quickly sweep through it and begin to strip.

Just a quick swim.

 Bucky stirs, reaching for you, knowing he’ll have to hurry out of here in a minute to avoid the questions that Ryan will no doubt ask if he spots him coming out of the fuselage.

Several times, Bucky has nearly told him that he likes you. That you’re his. But he can’t. He hasn’t even told you that he likes you. What if he tells Ryan all of that and then you don’t feel the same?

Bucky thinks…he hopes you feel the same. It seems as if you do.

But in the busy hours of the day when he’s shaping clay and cooking bricks for the hut and you’re weaving the thatch for the roof, he looks up to find you smiling, laughing, or happily chatting with Ryan.

The two of you have hit it off so well and he cannot deny the chemistry that the two of you share. There’s a sparkle in both your eyes when he finds you talking. A spark. An option.

You’re the one that gets to make the choice here. You’re the one that has the right to tell either of them, or both of them, no.

So as Bucky reaches out for you, craving the soft caress of your body and hands as they stroke his hair sleepily, his heart gives a fearful lurch when his hands make no purchase in their search.

He sits up, a panic setting in as he looks around frantically.

Calm down, Bucky. She’s probably just outside.

Only you aren’t. As he emerges, he observes the long since dead cinders of the campfire. His eyes scan the area and he spots Ryan’s blanket rolled up and propped against the driftwood trunk he'd snuggled up to last night.

Where the fuck-? Bucky’s mind reels again. Calm down, Bucky. She’s probably just down by the beach.

Only you aren’t!

Where the hell is she?!

Bucky moves along the length of the spot he'd picked for the hut. Just at the edge of the dense jungle, sturdier ground to give the hut a fighting chance against any storms that may come around.

The sand is undisturbed. His empty clay trough has no water. The palm fronds you’d been tearing fibers from to weave the thatch roofing sits untouched.

There’s also no Ryan.

Suddenly he pick it up. His ears prickle at the sound of your laugh.

He launches himself to the left, ears straining to get it all more clearly.

Now he hears a more masculine tenor that mixes and blends with your own sweet sound.

His heart gives a wild clench as he takes several steps in your direction but stops and waits, eyes trained on the curve all the way down the southern shore.

It takes a few moments because you’re still far away. You’re both laughing, saying something he can’t make out then laughing again.

Bucky clenches his fists, metal screeching in protest.

They’re just walking. Keep it together.

He knows that he should keep his cool. You’d just spent all night sleeping in his arms. You’ve spent the past few months with him, depending on him. You’d declared how much you need him and-shit…

You and Ryan round the large rocks in the distance, just as he realizes that he hasn’t told you how much he needs you. How much you mean to him. He’d only just decided that he really likes you and needs to tell you but what if he’s too late?

What if you think you’ve been a burden?

He hasn’t always been nice.

Fuck.

He's taken care of you. He’s made sure that you’ve wanted for nothing, at least in the way of safety and food—though you’ve done that for him too.

Being nice however, he could have done better. He can do better.

You and Ryan get closer and he can see your skin glistening in the morning sun.

You’ve gone for your swim and Bucky’s suddenly full of fearful rage as he considers what must have happened to have you two walking back together.

He can almost picture you swimming in the sparkling turquoise water. Your naked body is silhouetted against the rising sun but he can imagine that every curve of your body had stood in sharp contrast to the bright rays.

Even in his memories—fond memories that he will never admit to thinking about as much as he does—he can see the peaks of your bare breasts. He can see the curves of your hips, your butt, your neck exposed as you throw your head back when you resurface.

His neck feels hot all of a sudden and he burns hotter when his mind is filled with the image of Ryan coming upon such an exquisite sight.

He would have stood on the beach, probably watching you for much longer than you’ll probably ever realize. Ryan probably cleared his throat when he had his fill and you would have turned maybe expecting Bucky?

Bucky hopes.

Then you’d have ducked under the surface when you realized it wasn’t Bucky but with the way he knows you and Ryan are, that innocent lilt in your voice. The meaningless flirting…

You would have come out of the water after having asked Ryan to turn his back and Ryan would have stolen a peek of your perfect form when you’d turned your back to him as you pulled on your underwear and then slipped back into that summer floral dress you’d been wearing when the plane went down.

The colors have faded a little and the bottom is just as torn as ever. You’ve taken to wearing shorts underneath as it seems to keep getting shorter and shorter the more work you do in it, but it keeps you cool so it’s a favorite of yours.

Your hair is still damp, Ryan’s shoulder bumping yours as the two of you casually walk his way.

Ryan leans closer towards you and says something that Bucky can’t hear but he can see the way it flusters you and you reach over to push him away. Ryan is sent sideways, his feet walking into the shoreline where he splashes only a little before he hurries back towards you and nudges your shoulder again but then reaches around to grab both of your arms to steady you.

He drops them right away, responding to the way you curl in on yourself at his touch, but it’s enough of an embrace that Bucky’s heart gives an ache.

What’s wrong with me? Bucky wonders, knowing that he’s completely in love with you but unable to understand how it happened.

His eyes are glue to your pretty face, the stunning smile that stretches your lips as you and Ryan exchange pleasant conversation, but Bucky can’t care enough to hear what the two of you are saying.

Your skin is glowing in the morning sun as it bounces off the layer of tiny seawater droplets.

If he could have thought up the image of perfection, he knows that he could not have dreamt you up. Yet, he knows that you are it. You’re the epitome of his desires and not just physically. Of course, that part of himself has awoken with you always so close and so exposed in the literal sense.

He’s seen more of your body than he has of any other woman’s in his life, ever maybe.

Sure, there’d been a dalliance here and there in the back of a powder blue Cadillac, but those girls hadn’t undressed. Bunch of dresses pushed up around their waists as the fluffy scratchy fabrics underneath had scratched at his neck and face.

Yes, he has enjoyed the sight of you, but it goes beyond that now.

His attachment, his need comes from your own. In your eyes he can see you search for him, needing him just as he does. You’ve become the other half of his heart. The part that had lost all purpose when Hydra had twisted him mind into the Soldier.

Hearts were for beating. Staying alive. Nothing more.

Until you.

Then it began to hurt and pine and want again. It began to soften with affection at every corny joke, every lingering touch, every sweet chuckle.

You’ve wormed your way under his skin and there’s no way he can keep pretending that he doesn’t already think of you as his. Just as he’s already yours.

“…bucky?...Bucky…?” You sound far away but you’re in front of him, walking closer, your mouth moving but he almost doesn’t hear you.

“Is he alright?” Ryan asks, his voice distant too.

“I don’t know.” You frown, concern turning the corners of your lips down. “Bucky?”

“Ya alright, mate?” Ryan reaches over and gives Bucky’s right shoulder a soft slap, but the gesture doesn’t even move his massive body.

Bucky’s gaze is pull to him and Bucky sees red.

~~~~~~~~~~

Your heart is pounding with fear as you watch the glare that Bucky fixes on Ryan.

Ryan shrinks back a step, still looking a bit concerned by Bucky’s strange stoic stare. However, with Bucky’s sudden flare of rage, you’re almost certain that he’s going to deck him. Bucky is going to punch Ryan, right in the mouth. You just know it.

Instead, Bucky marches between the two of you, separating you with his large body.

As he passes he takes hold of your hand, the metal cool compared to the sun soaked warmth of your skin, and pulls you along down the beach.

“Bucky!” You gasp.

“Where ya going?” Ryan asks, turning to watch the two of you go with his arms thrown out to the sides as his confusion grows.

“I’m not-Can you get the bottles of water from camp?” You call back to him, tripping over your feet a little as you try to match Bucky’s pace.

Reaching out, you wrap your free hand around his metal bicep to get more balance.

“Ya, alright.” Ryan calls back.

“Bucky where are we going?” You demand.

“To check the fish nets.” He explains shortly.

“I already did that.” Ryan retorts, raising his voice so that you can both hear him as Bucky pulls you along further and further.

“To get some fruit then.” Bucky counters.

You realize now that he wants to get you alone, so you turn to follow him without resistance.

Bucky doesn’t speak until you’re both far away from the beach by the hut. He turns you into the small break in the trees where you normally come to pick bananas and mangoes.

Dropping your hand he immediately stoops down and begins to rifle through the fallen mangoes, squeezing them gently to see if they are ripe or spoiled.

“Bucky?” You sigh, watching him ignore you for a bit before you sigh and move to help with the fruit.

You’re not sure how he expects you to carry more than two or three with no basket. Minutes pass. Five, ten, fifteen minutes of sifting through fallen fruit before your arms are full and with a sigh you drop them and reach down to rip more of your dress to wrap them up and carry them more easily.

You’re not very careful with your tearing or as precise as Bucky when he did it that first time all those months ago, so you tear too much and the rip on one side runs all the way up your side exposing your skin.

“What are you doing?!” Bucky gasps, dropping the fruits in his arms as he rushes for you.

The plop, thud, plop of the fruits draws your eyes before his massive form is beside you pushing your hands away from your dress. The shorts underneath are more visible now and tattered like all of your clothes. They’re more durable made of jeans, but you use them to do everything so they’re your most worn piece of clothing.

Your arms fall limply at your sides as your patience wears thin. You chew on your lip hard, urging your voice to be even as you look at him, your eyes searching his furrowed brow, those frantic blue steel eyes.

He’s got something on his mind but he’s not sharing and it’s really starting to piss you off!

As he holds your dress closed, he meets your eyes, hesitating to keep hold of your gaze.

“What’s going on?” You wonder.

“Nothing.” Bucky shrugs. “Don’t rip your dress anymore. Don’t you like this one?”

“Bucky…” You sigh again, urging yourself to have patience.

There’s a sudden shift in his expression, an anger that flashes behind his eyes and it only spurs your own on.

Why would he be angry with you?!

“Just, stop showing the pilot skin.” He lets your dress go and moves back to his abandoned pile of fruit.

“Are you joking?! What does that even mean, Bucky?” Your blood is boiling.

“He likes you.” Bucky declares, throwing the words over his shoulder as if you’re stupid not to have noticed.

“I-” You stutter, trying to wrap your mind around his words, what he means, why it matters, what his anger could indicate. “So what?”

Bucky’s shoulders tense.

“It doesn’t matter if he likes me or not. In case you haven’t noticed, I am the only woman on this island, so he really doesn’t have much of a selection. If we were back on the mainland, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t spare me a glance.”

“Is that really what matters here?” Bucky seethes, but you still can’t guess as to why he’s so bothered by it.

Unless…

“He didn’t see anything, alright? He had his back turned when I got out of the water.” You assure him.

“Oh, like that ass wouldn’t peek? You’re very naïve.” Bucky mutters.

“Excuse you?” You gasp, all attempts at bottling up your anger abandoned.

“He wants you!” Bucky insists, rising and turning to look at you, closing the distance with two steps to stand close but not too close. Just close enough that you’re both able to shout in each other’s faces. “Can’t you see that? The way he looks at you, he even asked me if you were taken. He was all happy when I told him you didn’t have anyone waiting for you back home.”

Your heart falls, a sudden realization hitting you as you think about all the sweet ways Ryan has indeed been flirting with you. If you were taken…

“So…so what you’re saying is that he asked you if I was taken and you told him I wasn’t, right?” You swallow hard, fighting the lump in your throat as you see that Bucky—as stupid as it is to think it in this way—hadn’t claimed you.

It goes in the face of what you’ve always believed, that women are not objects to be owned by men, and yet here on this island with two of them here alone with you for who knows how long—possibly forever—for Bucky not to stand and tell Ryan that you’re his…but you aren’t, are you?

Hurt and anger flow through you, making your hands tremble.

Bucky doesn’t answer. You shake your head, unable to accept that he doesn’t want you enough to tell Ryan that you’re off limits. That you’re his.

What has all this been over the past three months then? Have you been so stupid and so delusional that you saw things in his behavior that aren’t really there?

“I need space.” You tell him and without hesitation you turn and walk away, into the jungle to be as far away from this emotional blow as you can.

Only, you get two steps before metal is wrapped around your wrist, pulling you back towards him swiftly and easily as if you’re made of nothing more than feathers.

He pulls you against his chest, metal hand extended back behind him as he does. When you crash against him, he wraps it around your waist while his other hand reaches up behind your head to hold you in place as he dips and kisses you hard.

His arms are vices around you, pulling you tight as if he can’t feel you unless you’re right up against him.

After a few moments of contact, his lips soften, melding with yours gently and tenderly.

You’re breathless as you let him lead, relishing in the feel of his kiss as his lips part and the tip of his tongue coaxes your own open.

You gasp but meet him eagerly, letting your body fall against his. Slipping your arms underneath his, you feel the thick, hard planes of his back until you reach his shoulders and pull him towards you as the kiss consumes you both.

Your body is humming. You can feel every shift of his skin against yours like tingling fire. A burning touch that electrifies you as it shifts in meaning.

This is Bucky claiming you. This is his declaration.

He pulls back, a small smack to his lips as he breaks the kiss. Your eyes are hazy and fogged as you open them, searching his face with only half your mind working while the other still lingers on the intensity of his kiss.

You’re breathless too, and you forget so when you breath it’s a rush of air that makes you lightheaded and you cling to him harder so that you won’t fall.

Bucky smiles, adjusting his grip to hold you steady.

He brings his hand up to caress your temple and then your cheek, sliding a tickling thumb along the still tingling skin.

“Be my girl?” He says, voice deep but low and quiet so that only you can hear. It dives into your chest and warms it further, making your legs weak with not only their meaning but tone and the smooth velvet of its flow.

You swallow hard, looking for more breath where there doesn’t seem to be any. It all feels so unreal. Like your daydream as you’d watched him mix clay and chop wood and every muscle of his torso had rippled and flexed for you and you’d wished he would hold you, just like this and kiss you, just like now.

Somehow, you find strength and oxygen enough to speak. “I thought I already was.”

This confession makes his expression soften; it draws his brow down once again as he devours your face before leaning down to claim your lips once more.

You whimper, so please and so relieved that you haven’t been alone in this. You’ve wanted him and he also has been wanting you.

You break his kiss to gasp for air, “Never let me go.”

Bucky sighs, pulling you tighter—as if that’s even possible—against his chest. His hug is crushing and you know that he’s holding you as close as he can but you want it to be even closer.

“Never.” Bucky whispers, sounding emotional too.

You want to see his face, to see the expression that he’s wearing that makes that voice, but you can’t bear to pull away. Instead you bury your face against his neck as he does the same and both of you simply enjoy the embrace.

~~~~~~~~~~

This shift is dynamic.

The way you and Bucky respond to each other’s presence changes instantly and you couldn’t be happier.

As you walk back towards the beach with him, hand in hand, you can’t help the smile that splits your cheeks.

Each of you chances several glances at the other, smiling wider as you make your way.

“What?” Bucky chuckles, shaking his head as you stare.

“If I’d known that making you jealous was the way to get you to make a move…” You tell him.

Bucky shakes his head. “I think I’d have gone crazy if you’d done anything intentionally.”

You can almost picture Bucky’s rage if you’d done something on purpose, throwing yourself on Ryan just to get a rise out of him.

The idea of you wanting anyone’s touch other than Bucky’s is so preposterous that you really don’t know how Bucky could have believed for even one second that you and Ryan were possible.

“I’ve only wanted you, Buck.” You sigh, cuddling closer into his side as you rest your head against his metal bicep.

Bucky sighs deeply, relieved?

“I didn’t want to…assume,” He begins. “We were the only two here and you’re the only woman? Me the only man? I was so afraid that I’d make you feel uncomfortable if you didn’t feel the same way.”

“You could have asked.” You sigh. “But I guess I could have said something too. I could have told you it was okay.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I-I wasn’t nice to you at first. I don’t blame you for thinking I wasn’t feeling it. It’s my own fault.”

You pull him to a stop, tracing the shape of his forearm. “Bucky, none of this is your fault.”

This guilt he carries around with him about the plane, being marooned here, now his behavior when you first crashed?

“You didn’t know me. You saved me. We were strangers then. I don’t blame you for keeping me at a distance. Especially with everything that you’ve gone through and who you are? It’s natural for you to want to be cautious.” You understand his position.

Being the former Winter Soldier could not be easy to carry.

“But I should have been nicer.” He argues, reaches up to stroke your cheek again.

You lean into his touch, suddenly grateful that he can touch you like this away from the fuselage at bedtime.

Bedtime…holy shit. Your stomach erupts into flutters.

You quickly clear your throat and swallow to clear away the thoughts of how this will change bedtime too.

“I should have been more patient.” He continues.

With a smile, you shrug. “Maybe, but then you wouldn’t be you. I needed the kick in the butt. I’ve led a pretty sheltered life. I wasn’t prepared to survive out here. I’m glad you were stern.”

“Stern feels like an understatement. I was mean.” Bucky argues.

“Why are you so damn stubborn? I’m trying to give you a pass here, Barnes.” You gripe, suddenly annoyed again.

Bucky throws his head back and laughs, stroking your cheek with more affection at the sound of your irritation.

“Oh, man. You’re a firecracker.” He observes but doesn’t give you a chance to respond before he’s leaning in to kiss you again.

You push yourself towards him, eager to kiss him again because you can, and you’ve wanted it for so long. The fervor with which you pull him against you should be embarrassing but you’ve been so starved for his affection and now that you have it, you’re going to take advantage of it.

“I really like you.” He whispers as he pulls away.

Your heart is exploding with butterflies and your stomach flips pleasantly.

“I really like you, too, Bucky.” You smile. “So much.”

He gives you one more quick peck before leading you back towards the hut, hand in hand.

As you approach, you put a little more distance between the two of you but keep your hand wrapped around his. Both of you search the area for Ryan, Bucky probably eager for him to see that you two are now together but as you move towards the clay trough, you spot only the bottles of water that you’d asked him to fetch.

Bucky lets go and moves for them, thirsty.

“Well, at least he’s useful.” He says, taking a drink. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know.” You look around, wondering if he’d one back to the fuselage for something. “Maybe he forgot something back at camp?”

“Maybe.” Bucky says, eyeing the way to camp with narrowed eyes. “I don’t know if I trust that guy.”

“Oh, come on, Bucky. I’m already yours.” You tease and turn to fix him with a smile.

Bucky shakes his head, fighting his own but it only makes him give you a heart-stopping half-smile. Pretty pink lips curved on one side in a new expression that you make note of to demand it again someday.

“I’m serious.” He insists. “There’s something off about it. I don’t know what, but I feel like he’s hiding something.”

“Something about the plane?” You wonder, voice serious now as you consider that you’ve only known Ryan for such a short time.

“Yeah.” Bucky nods, moving towards the clay trough where he immediately dips his hands in to mix the sediment that’s settled at the bottom.

“But he’s so nice.” You counter, feeling sad by the thought that Ryan might be two-faced.

“Most bad guys are.” Bucky mutters sinisterly.

You open your mouth to argue when the sound of splashing turns you towards the shoreline.

Rising from the water is Ryan, shirtless, blonde curls plastered against the side of his face. He wipes the water away and freezes for a moment when he spots the two of you on the beach.

He suddenly smiles, moving towards his shirt and pulls it over his head as he approaches.

“Hi.” You offer, squinting against the morning sun. A quick glance at Bucky shows you he’s standing, hands and forearms covered in clay as he stands watching Ryan too.

“Hello.” Ryan replies, moving towards the two of you with relaxed and easy walk. “When did you two get back?”

“Just now.” You smile at him, forcing yourself to see the kind man instead of the suspicious pilot that showed up out of nowhere.

Bucky’s own worries now seeping into you.

“Went for a swim?” You wonder, looking over his shoulder in the direction he came from.

“It’s hot out here.” He explains.

“Did you find anything?” Bucky suddenly asks, his voice full of forced friendliness. “You went to the cabin, right? What were you looking for?”

Ryan freezes by the small fire pit you and he had dug up a few days earlier to cook food on the beach instead of having to run all the way back to camp.

“I did go there, yeah.” He nods. “I wanted to see if mah bag was still there. I had some personal items I was hopin’ had survived the crash.”

“Nothing too important I hope?” And you really do hope it’s nothing that means a whole lot.

Ryan meets your gaze and fixes you with a tight and forlorn grin. “Some pictures of mah son.”

“Your son?!” You gasp, completely shocked by his declaration. “You have a son?”

“Aye, I have a son.” Ryan sighs. “I’ll go get the fish, ya? I’ll cook breakfast. You take a rest.”

“Now he has a son?” Bucky wonders once Ryan is a safe distance away and you honestly can’t blame him for the suspicion you can hear in his voice.

You really don’t know Ryan at all and now have to wonder how much more he might be hiding.

[dweetwise]

i’ve been kinda quiet while finishing a project over on ao3, but now i’m back with some riconti to share <3

ship: felix x ace (only implied; can be read as platonic if you wish!)

word count: 1640

Someone to Lean On

"—and I thought for sure she wouldn't pick me up! I ran straight into her after being unhooked, but she didn’t even hesitate calling my bluff. Well played, Spirit!"

Felix kept half-listening as Ace rambled on about their latest trial. They were walking back to the campfire together through the fog, having both been sacrificed by the ruthless katana-wielding killer.

It wasn't uncommon for Ace to wait around for him in the plane of nothingness if he didn't survive the trial. Felix had lost count of how many times he'd regained consciousness only to see the familiar, smiling figure calling over to him through the fog.

He wondered if Ace knew how much he appreciated the gesture. The gambler’s friendly banter was always a welcome distraction from the harrowing experience of having every fiber of his being torn to shreds and consequently be reassembled.

But this time was different. Felix could barely make out Ace's words, his own thoughts sounding deafening inside his head despite the silence of the fog. His body didn't feel like his own; it was like the Entity's claws were still twisting and turning around his insides. 

Felix’s feet dragged behind him and when they eventually came to a stop, Ace stopped right with him and patiently waited for their journey to continue. Only once Felix made no move to do so did the Argentine’s brilliant smile falter from uncertainty. 

"Felix?" Ace asked.

"I can't do it," Felix said.

According to people back at the campfire, it had been over a year since Felix was taken into this horrible realm. It felt even longer than that; with nothing in this world but means to make them suffer, Felix was starting to forget the things he used to enjoy.

"Sure you can, champ!" Ace grinned.

Felix knew Ace was trying to be encouraging. He knew he should go back to his play-act, should plaster on a fake smile and brush off his struggles as nothing more than a bad trial, like he’d done countless times before.

But he couldn’t.

"No," Felix said, a surprising determination in his voice. "You don't understand."

“What do you mean?” Ace asked.

Felix wasn’t sure how to describe it. The more he thought about this world and the absolute wrongness of it, the harder it was to pinpoint its exact cause.

He felt lightheaded and almost delirious. It was like he was in a dream; a terrible nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. Nothing in this place made sense, yet all this time he had accepted it as truth. What if it was all a figment of his imagination?

"Is any of this real?" Felix asked.

Ace’s smile made way for a confused frown, and his expression was the only thing in their surroundings that looked lifelike. The unnatural fog surrounding them felt neither damp nor cold, the unending darkness somehow allowed them to see perfectly, and even though there was nothing to guide them they still knew exactly which way to go.

Felix felt his breathing pick up as he only now seemed to realize the vast emptiness of nothing they were standing in. He’d been here countless times before but never fully aware of it, and his heart was racing as he frantically looked around, feeling the terror rising in his chest—

Until a warm hand was placed on his shoulder. 

"Hey, deep breaths," Ace said, turning Felix to face him.

The touch helped to ground him and the panic started to fade as Felix looked into familiar brown eyes. Ace felt real, but how could he be sure?

"It doesn't make any sense," Felix said. "The Entity doesn’t exist. It simply can’t."

Ace said nothing. Whether he was giving Felix space to speak or thought he’d finally lost his mind, Felix didn’t know.

"What if this is just a nightmare? What if I'm going crazy—having some sort of episode from work stress, and I'm really hospitalized in an institution?" Felix said, his frantic eyes finding Ace's. "What if I'm in a coma, or—or I died, and this is all my brain shutting down? What if this isn't real?"

Felix realized he was shaking. Ace looked at him silently; like he was pondering what to say. Felix didn’t think he’d ever seen him look so serious.

Abruptly, the embarrassment hit. Felix broke eye contact and stepped back. Even if he was losing it, he didn't need to drag Ace into this—

"So what?" Ace asked.

"What?"

"If you wake up in a hospital tomorrow and realize none of this was real, what does it matter?" Ace said. "It's not gonna change that this feels real."

Felix was silent, mulling over the words.

"I think that, sometimes, it's best to just take things at face value," Ace continued. "Fucked-up things like the Entity exist? Alright. One of them yoinked us into its world for fun? Sure. Whether we like it or not, right now we're stuck here—might as well try to make the most of it."

"Don't you want answers?" Felix asked.

"What I want is to get the hell out of here," Ace huffed dryly.

Felix couldn’t remember Ace ever talking about an escape before. The gambler had always seemed surprisingly well-adjusted to their predicament, but he should have known that even the most optimistic person would be eager for the chance to find a way out of this nightmare.

"But since that's not on the table, I'll take the next best thing of living to see another day," Ace said. "And if I wake up in a real bed tomorrow and it was all a dream? Even better."

"Have you never thought about it? That this could just be a product of your mind?" Felix asked.

"Briefly, yeah," Ace said. Then he smiled. "But then I remembered how shit my imagination is. No way I would've been able to come up with something like this."

Felix huffed out a dry chuckle despite the situation.

"But it's probably easier for me," Ace said. "I know you tend to overthink things. And with the kind of year you've had? I'm kinda surprised you've adjusted so well."

Felix hadn’t thought about it that way. After the numerous panic attacks and freezing from fear in his first trials, Felix never considered himself particularly well-adjusted to his new existence. He owed most of his meager success to the people around him, always there to lend a hand and pull Felix up when he wasn't strong enough to do it himself.

And most of the time, that person had been Ace.

"I had some help," Felix said, offering a hesitant smile.

"Ah, true—almost forgot about Élodie," Ace grinned. "Must be nice, having a friend like that in a place like this."

Felix didn't have the heart to correct the assumption. Having the familiar face of a childhood friend among their teammates had no doubt been beneficial for both Felix and Élodie while they learned to survive this new world.

But it wasn't Élodie who had been by Felix's side those first months. It wasn’t her encouraging words that got through to Felix when he felt paralyzed from inaction, or her who took the time to involve him in the group when Felix was too lost in his own head to participate.

"It really makes a world of difference, having a good friend," Felix said.

Ace kept looking at him, until his face spread into a bright smile at the realization.

"Well, in that case, can I offer you some friendly advice?" Ace asked.

"Of course," Felix agreed.

"Don't get too wrapped up in the 'how's and 'why's," Ace said. "It's just gonna consume you. And…"

Felix waited as Ace paused in an unusual gesture of uncertainty.

"I'd hate to lose you," Ace said.

He was still smiling pleasantly, but his eyes betrayed his real emotion; it was the first time Felix had seen genuine fear in Ace's eyes. And it wasn't from a brutal mori or the hopelessness that they might never escape.

It was from the possibility of losing Felix.

"Alright," Felix said. "I'll try."

"It's a start," Ace said, his demeanor back to the usual playfulness. "You ready to head back?"

Felix realized he felt much calmer now than only minutes prior. There was still an uneasiness in the back of his mind due to the unspeakable horrors that haunted them on a daily basis, but he felt grounded. This wasn't just about him; no matter whether it aligned with the objective truth, this was their reality.

"I think so, yes," Felix said.

"'Atta boy," Ace said. 

Ace's hand left his shoulder, and Felix immediately missed its warmth. The moment of camaraderie they had shared was exactly what he had needed. Even Ace seemed more at ease, his smile relaxed as he fell into step beside Felix.

"By the way," Ace said conversationally. "If this is all in your head, could I request you make it a little… I don't know, less guts and gore, more flowers and booze?"

Felix chuckled. "I can try."

"Oh, and while you're at it, can you give me one of those makeovers?" Ace said. "Make me like ten years younger? I think I’d look great in brown hair—ooh, and a six pack too!"

Felix listened to Ace ramble with a smile. It would never cease to amaze him how the seemingly lighthearted man could go from joking to serious and right back to silly banter in just a few short moments. Ace was like a bolt of lightning; chaotic in nature and gone in the blink of an eye, but always managing to calm the storm in Felix’s head.

"Ace?" Felix asked, interrupting Ace still talking about his hair.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," Felix said.

Ace’s smile flashed bright and warm in the darkness surrounding them.

"Anytime."

[headinthestaticsky]

Frozen Within the Night Wind: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 11.

None of the characters in Twilight belong to me, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

Authors note:I was reading up on the Newborn Battle and saw that it took place in June... I get that snow storms can happen on mountains but why is everyone else wearing jackets in the battle haha.

"When the mako flies Up from the bottom in your eyes Then I know the twilight skies Are not so broken hearted."

Stylo by, Gorillaz

Today was the day, they would finally arrive ending the constant tension of the inevitable battle. We all stood tense in the field, the wolves were hiding so they weren't immediately sought after.

"Fleur, do you think you could track Riley? We need to know how close he is." Esme asked.

"On it... They aren't to far from here, it'll take them about... 2 minutes before they find us. They're falling for Bella's blood trap quite easily."

"That's good, we don't need them finding her." Carlisle said.

I felt someone grab my hand I turned and looked at them, Jasper was staring back at me.

"We're gonna be fine." He said. I turned my head due to the sound of rustling coming from the far side of the field. I looked back at him and smiled.

"I know we are."

I then saw the crowd coming toward us, they all were yelling. We then began to run toward them as soon as the got close enough both Jasper and I punched two of the vampires heads off. The rest of us had separated at that point as the new born vampires spread out. Two vampires came toward me both of them trying to take out my head. I dunk under them both easily and took out there legs, leaving them defenseless. I then took off both of there heads, another vampire snuck up behind my and grabbed me by the back of my neck, I grabbed both of there hands and flipped them over, crushing there head into the ground and shattering it.

I looked around me and saw Paul with two vampires on his back, I quickly made it toward him. Kicking two other vampires in the process and flipping over another one that was being chased by a wolf before making it to him. I ripped the first one off his body taking it's head clean off with it. Paul had gotten the other one off of him and looked at me quickly before running off again. I ran toward a tree and rock, suspecting someone to be hiding there. My theory proved to be correct, I saw a girl coming out of the little nook.

She looked about 15 years old and scared out of her mind. I stopped myself from attacking her and saw Carlisle and Esme next to me, we were unsure about her.

"Let's leave her here...I really don't think she'll try anything. She looks absolutely terrified." I said Esme and Carlisle nodded. I then ran back toward the fight. I was in the midst of a power struggle with one vampire, my arms, shoulders, sides of my neck, and cheeks began to crack from the pressure. It was unbearable, it was as if a thousand needles were stabbing each individual nerve rendering it useless. Suddenly the pressure was gone and angry amber eyes looked down at the vampire's dismembered body. I healed quickly thankfully and Jasper and I ran off together to defeat the remaining vampires left. They had all been taken out with ease with the exception of a few. Before we both could react a vampire bite Jasper right on the neck, trying to tear apart his skin. Jasper had let out a yell due to the pain and I quickly pushed him off of Jasper, stomping his head in. Emmett and Paul took out the last vampire. When we all dragged them to the middle of the field to burn them I noticed I never saw Riley.

"Hey... did any of you guys run into Riley?"

I saw uncertain faces on the Cullens, which gave me the answer.

I decided to track him, to see if he was still around. I saw him stalking up a mountain, Bella and Edward suddenly came into view.

"Riley... listen to me. Victoria is just using you to distract me. She knows I’ll kill you. In fact, she’ll be glad she didn’t have to deal with you anymore." Edward stated.

Bella looked terrified behind him. I saw Victoria come down a tree landing on a rock covered in snow.

"Don’t listen, Riley. I told you about their mind tricks." Victoria persuaded.

"I can read her mind. So I know what she thinks of you." Edward interjected.

"He's lying."

"She only created you and this army to avenge her true mate, James. That’s the only thing she cares about. Not you."

Riley turned his head to her, and an unsure look was on his pale, deadly face.

Victoria froze, her eyes slightly widened.

"There's only you, you know that!" She said.

Riley then began to walk toward Edward again, Both he and Bella backed up.

"Think about it. You’re from Forks, you know the area. That’s the only reason she chose you. She doesn’t love you."

"Riley, don’t let him do this to us. You know I love you."

Riley turned his head back to Edward a smirk was on his face.

"You're...dead."

I broke out of trance before a fight could break out.

"Guys...They're both with Edward and Bella..."

All of the Cullens's eyes widened with shock.

"Look I got a plan, Dean, you're the second-fastest in the family so you need to get that girl out of here take her back to the house... I have a feeling the Volturi are going to show up and I don't think they'll spare her. I am going to get as close to the fight as I can from the mountains and try to get Victoria to hallucinate again. We don't have any time to waste, MOVE IT!" I demanded before running toward the fight. I could hear Jasper in the distance as I kept running.

"That's my girl..."

As I ran it felt like I was having deja-vu, it reminded me of the ballet studio situation 2 years ago. That same mantra was going through my head. "Please...let me get there in time." No matter how cruel and unkind Bella could be...I couldn't stand the thought of her getting killed by the cold hands of revenge.

Flashback: 4 years ago.

"THAT'S IT... I CAN'T STAND TO BE AROUND YOU TWO ANYMORE!" I yelled at Bella and Renee.

"OH GET OVER YOURSELF, YOU'RE THE ONE ALWAYS CAUSING TROUBLE AROUND HERE!" Renee yelled back.

"Causing trouble....CAUSING TROUBLE? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO THIS TIME?"

"YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH YOUNG LADY! I HAVE RAISED YOU FOR 15 YEARS!"

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A GOOD MOTHER!"

"How dare you..."

"What did I do.... what do I always do? Want love? Reassurance? Someone I can trust? That's not "causing problems"... that's something a parent should give to their child. Oh sorry... both of their children!"

"Well...it's hard to give that to a child you just can't stand. You act just like your father..."

"You say that like it's an insult... my father is an intelligent, compassionate man, I'm glad you left him... I didn't want to see him get abused like me."

Bella just sat back and smirked, enjoying the chaos that was in front of her.

"If you love him so much why don't you go live with him."

"Fine... I will just buy the damn plane ticket and I swear I will never come back here again!"

"I will... Bella will finally be able to get away from your poisonous mind."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes before speaking again.

"Goodbye Renee, I'll see you at my wedding. I know you won't be able to resist showing up, you'll have so much fun at the open bar being the boozer you were meant to be. Your speech will probably be you upchucking on the stage. It'll be a hit with the guest."

Renee and Bella's eyes widened with shock. Renee decided to speak up.

"Like you'll ever get married... no sane person would want to be with a disgraceful woman such as you."

I ignored her, I stopped at Bella and looked at her.

"Isabella... get away from her, you'll end up just as toxic and abusive as she is." I then ran upstairs and started packing my bags... eager to leave.

Flashback: OVER

I ran up the mountain and saw a glimpse of the fight, Victoria and Riley held Edward by the arms and neck. Bella stood there paralyzed in fear. I prayed that this plan would work, I tried creating that image of James again but instead... my body changed turning into him. I stood there for a second shocked before making my way up to them. Victoria froze in fear, Riley looked at her in confusion, and Bella and Edward didn't know what to think.

"J-james... how... how are you here? She isn't here is she?" Victoria asked.

I prayed my voice would've changed along with my appearance before I spoke.

"Who? Fleur... no no no, she's too busy dealing with the army you created with... this pipsqueak. I said, my voice was not of my own.

She dropped Edward, which in return made Edward throw off Riley who was then dragged away by a wolf... it seemed to be Seth.

"VICTORIA!" "VICTORIA HELP!"

Seth pulled him down the slope, I could still hear him scream on the way down. Edward just observed us, pulling Bella behind him again.

"James... you have to understand I did this for us, I thought you were dead. Why didn't you come and find me?"

"I did find you...but then I saw what you were doing, whoring yourself out there after you came back from Texas... persuading that man by kissing him the same way you kissed me. You're disgusting!"

"James no... please don't do this."

"You should know...we began this by me hunting you... you've always been my prey. And now..."

My voice switched back to my own.

"I will take you out the same way I intended to from the beginning."

Her eyes widened but before she could escape I snapped her neck, ripping her head off a few seconds later.

"Whoa..." I heard Bella say meekly.

Edward handed me a lighter he was carrying, I lit it and threw it on her body, it busted into flames. I saw Seth carrying Riley back up, he too was dead. I threw him in the fire too, making sure both of them were taken out.

"Fleur... Carlisle said you could make hallucinations... but you completely morphed into James." Edward said in shock.

"T-that's the first time I have ever done that..."

Before either of us could say anything Edward gasped.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

"Alice needs us to go...NOW!"