#Chakotay and Neelix are the only ones who they talk to (and those two have to REALLY try for it bc Janevok is working 24/7)

[bumblingbabooshka]

Tuvok-Janeway fusion a la Tuvix but the crew has the opposite problem with them where they’re too eager to sacrifice themself and they have to hold them back from doing so at the first opportunity (Also they work 24 hours a day)

[ploppythespaceship]

Man, I can't stand when people start talking shit about Neelix over his relationship with Kes. You don't have to like him, and he's definitely not a character to everyone's taste, but some of the claims people make about him are just wild.

First, Neelix is not a pedophile. That's an incredibly strong word that fandom likes to throw around far too readily. Yes, Kes is only a year old at the start of the show -- but her species has a much shorter life span than humans, and she therefore ages differently. Ocampa are considered adults at age one, and she is older than that in season one. People act like Neelix is dating a literal toddler, but she is well-established to be an adult by her people's standards, and she is clearly meant to be a young adult based on her characterization and her role in the series. There is an age gap between her and Neelix, but there's nothing inherently wrong with that.

Second, Neelix's jealousy over Tom is a character arc, and a fairly short one -- it lasts for about three episodes in season two. In "Elogium" he overreacts to Tom's relationship with Kes, claiming that she's too innocent and can't recognize how Tom is treating her, but later apologizes for it. In "Twisted" it's strongly implied that he's still feeling jealous, but is actively trying to push it down, telling Kes directly that she's seen the last of his jealousy and asking Chakotay for advice on how to deal with it. And in "Parturition" Neelix and Tom finally figure out their little rivalry over Kes' affections, with Neelix admitting that he overreacted, became jealous, and now realizes that he was wrong. The jealousy arc then never comes up again (as far as I recall). It's a bit of an annoying arc, but it is definitely an arc -- a character working through a flaw and becoming a better person for it. And it feels ridiculous to hold that against him.

And third, you know why Neelix works through that jealousy in the first place? Because Kes calls him out on it. In all of those episodes, Kes tells him that he's massively overreacting, he's not showing enough trust in her, and he needs to knock it off. And then he does. Fandom tends to act like Kes is this naive child who's completely incapable of standing up for herself, and therefore extremely susceptible to Neelix's manipulations, but that's far from the truth. She's an extremely competent character with a mind of her own. She's incredibly intelligent, capable, and a valued member of the crew -- and she isn't afraid to speak up for herself, as seen by how she is always the first person to call out Neelix when he's out of line, and is clearly unwilling to put up with someone who doesn't treat her well. Quite frankly, the fandom infantilizes Kes more than Neelix ever has.

[staringdownabarrel]

I'm glad they never gave Janeway a series-long love interest and instead just gave her Mark, stuck in the Alpha Quadrant, and the occasional love interest of the week who'd fuck off at the end of the episode. There's a couple of reasons for this.

Firstly, one of the reasons why Janeway works for me is because she's not a romance-heavy character. Her focus was always on what was best for the crew and on finding a way back to Federation space.

I don't think this angle of her character really gets enough credit: it was a rare thing for a leading woman in a TV show to not be paired off with someone long-term at some point. Even nowadays, it seems like every other television show wants to pair its women off, even if it would be fine for this specific character living in these specific circumstances to prefer remaining single.

Even if they had have paired her off with someone, the only people they reasonably could have paired her off with long term are people directly under her command. That wouldn't have gelled well with her general demeanor of at least trying to be that kind of classically professional Starfleet captain who didn't get romantically involved with a subordinate.

So if they had have given her a long term romantic pairing, it would have derailed her character both as the staunch professional she wanted to be and as the progressive "doesn't need a man to be interesting" woman she was from an out-of-universe perspective.

Secondly, the canon pairings in the Berman era were awful. The only ones that were at least passable were the O'Briens, Ben Sisko/Kasidy Yates, and Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres. Some of this is just because I'm genuinely confused as to what most of the canon pairings would have seen in each other, so I think they would have ended up pairing Janeway with someone who didn't quite fit with her. Mostly they just sorta sucked at writing romance in general, to the point where even the passable canon pairings were passable in a "okay, it makes sense that these two are together, but please don't dwell on it too much" kind of way.

I think this point gets lost in a lot of fan circles, too. A lot of the focus in the more ship-y circles of fandom tends to be on these popular fanon pairings, so sometimes the actual romance writing on the source material gets lost. At least with Star Trek, the canonical romance writing is often so awful that it's probably a good thing that a lot of the shippier fans forget it exists.

Still, had they paired her off with someone long term on the show, I suspect it would have ended up being one of those things where people's response would have been something like, "Janeway and Neelix? Seriously, guys? Is this what we're doing today?"

Really, the best thing that could have happened with Janeway in a romantic sense is one of two things. One would have been if early on she had have come out and said, "Actually, I'm mostly aromantic. Mark is the only guy I've ever seen in that light."

There would have been room for this kind of scene in canon. I forget which episode it was, but early on in Voyager there was a scene where Chakotay and Janeway talk about the crew pairing off, and the general tone is that eventually it will happen because of how long their journey is going to be. It ends with Chakotay saying, "And what about you?", with the scene intending to imply that maybe there was a little spark between the two.

This scene could have been changed so that instead of it just cutting to the next scene, Janeway had have replied with, "I'm mostly aromantic. Mark is the only person I've ever seen in that light", and then cut to the next scene.

I think this would have worked because it would have given Janeway an easy out to not be in a relationship; especially if there was never any followup to that scene. It also would have made Janeway one of the very few aromantic characters to have ever been on television, and probably the only one from the '90s, so it would have doubled down on the progressive elements of her character.

The other way they could have gone about this is if they had have set up some holoemitters in her ready room and given her a holographic personification of the ship itself to fall in love with. This could have been a very literal take on Kirk's love with the Enterprise. It also would have worked with Janeway's character in general, as Fair Haven establishes she is capable of falling in love with a hologram.

The subtext here would be the open question of whether or not she's in love with the persona specifically, actually in love with the ship, or if she's in love with her position as captain. All three would be acceptable answers. Still, this is a much more fan fic-y idea and I'm not entirely sure how it'd work in practice.

[mr-geargrinder]

Star Trek Rewatch Thoughts

Finished my rewatch of DS9, Voyager, and TNG. I've lost count of how many times I've rewatched TNG and DS9, but this was only my second time going through Voyager, because it just didn't click with me the first time through. Anyways, here's some thoughts.

TNG is fascinating to me because you can see them assembling the show as they go. They change plans pretty drastically, remove and bring back characters, and try to salvage others with a few last minute episodes. That left a permanent mark on the way I think about storytelling.

TNG is a pretty goofy show, but it takes itself seriously and there's a lot to be said about how dedication to the bit and some really charming actors doing their best can totally overshadow cheap sets and silly technobabble... and even when it doesn't, those goofy moments are still very charming too.

I only skipped a handful of episodes and most of them were Troi or Wesley episodes, for obvious reasons. Troi got a lot of bad episodes and Wesley is... Wesley. Someone who kind of embodied all the worst parts of Gene Roddenberry's silly utopian wish fulfillment fantasies. One of the things that I never noticed before was how the last season was filled with so many bad episodes, followed by one of the best series finales ever made.

Voyager was less bad than I remember. I found myself liking certain characters a lot more and hating others much more intensely. Janeway, Tuvok, and Neelix really clicked with me this time. I recall Neelix being hated for being the silly comic relief character, but he's got some depth! He's a sincerely, genuinely good person who is trying his hardest for the people around him and that really resonated with me this time around. Especially his interactions with Tuvok (minus the Tuvix episode).

Tom Paris ended up being the guy I liked the least because his three traits are "pilot", being a general shithead, and reminding Harry about every single time he messed up romantically in a list, over and over, and none of that really helped them sell him as a roguish hotshot with a heart of gold, or whatever. He's just a shithead.

Skipping episodes helped me to enjoy Voyage a lot more. Almost anything to do with Chakotay was skipped immediately. His bullshit tribal mysticism, literally made up by a con-artist who convinced Hollywood he was a Native American and an expert cultural consultant, did not endear him to me in any way. Robert Beltran did his best to portray the character with dignity and wisdom, but Chakotay just suuuuucks. The inclusion of the Maquis subplot was also a pretty big waste of effort, but the fact that it gets ignored for most of the series makes it easy for me to ignore.

Anything to do with the Kazon got skipped too. They're just lamer, dumber, more irrational Klingons and they have nothing of value to add to any story they're featured in. That also meant skipping a lot of the Seska plot, which was Chakotay heavy anyways, and I don't regret that. Seska was not compelling at all.

Likewise, the Vidiians got skipped without hesitation. Not only do I hate the body horror aspect, but they were an attempt to create a sympathetic monster faction in Trek, but they're just.... irredeemably bad. There's no reason for anyone to allow the Vidiians to keep living. Not because of their disease, but because they are organ stealing monsters who hack random people to bits to extend their lifespans a tiny bit, so they can keep stealing more organs. No thank you. Fuck off. Go away. There's a reason no one talks about you.

DS9 remains my favorite Star Trek. It's got some rough episodes, and it struggles at time between being a planet/anomaly/random-space-threat of the week and a smaller scale, single-location focused kind of story, but the entire cast does a fantastic job of switching between the two without skipping a beat.

I don't think there's a single character on DS9 that I can say I dislike and the few I could complain about are mostly ones who were there for a single episode or just didn't have the benefit of a few more seasons to develop them as much as we got with characters like Jake and Nog. Speaking of which, Jake and Nog are such a perfect example of how you can have kid characters in a trek show and have them work and develop naturally and feel like a natural part of the story.

One of the things that struck me that never occurred to me before is that DS9 is a show that is very, very much about the concept of "home" and all the complex ways the character interpret and grapple with that concept. Quark and Garak have a fantastic scene towards the end of the series where they both commiserate about how their home planets are changing rapidly and how they'll never be able to return to the planets they once knew. It's kinda there in nearly every character and plot and it's really fascinating.

I think the only episodes I skipped were a few of the "It's time to make O'Brien suffer!" episodes, and that one specific episode where they meet that insane lady who forces her anti-technology beliefs on everyone by lying to them and abusing them, and the moral of the story is "actual this is good and she's right!" -- Fuck that episode. I'd rather watch the board game episode.

The last stretch of the Dominion War is a little uneven, but it's still a strong arc overall. Could've maybe done without the Pah-Wraith stuff, and the Ezri and Bashir subplot is a little weak, but those are nitpicks.

Anyways, go watch Star Trek.

[getoutofmyjaneway]

Since Star Trek Voyager is Leaving Netflix, Here are 10 Episodes that you Should Watch Before the End of September

1. The Cloud

The Cloud is a great example of the early dynamic between the main cast. This bottle episode shows a very Star Trek episode dealing with some space creature they accidently harm, and being oh so very Starfleet, they assist. That, of course, is not why you watch this episode. It has some pretty great comedic moments, the iconic “There’s coffee in that nebula,” moment, and (if you can over look the cringy and incorrect portrayal of Native American culture) great moments that will let you better get to know the character we love.

2. Tuvix

Tuvix is was created when there was a transporter accident fused Neelix, Tuvok, and some plants together to create a new single sentient being. Tuvix loves being himself but ultimately it was decided by Captain Janeway that they would be separated back into there original beings. This episode is not only thought provoking, but has been the basis for many discussions of morality on a broader level. It is an interesting thought experiment that is so very Star Trek in nature - it is a don’t miss in my book.

3. Before and After

You remember Kes yes? She was definitely not given the most to do throughout the run of Voyager, but this is her best story by far. This story sees Kes aging backwards through death to birth, giving us a full picture of her life. This also brings us some of the very seldomly seen foreshadowing in the series, eluding to the Year of Hell (we’ll talk about that soon) and Tom and B’Elanna’s relationship. This is how I choose to remember Kes (we don’t talk about Furry).

4. Year of Hell Part 1 and 2

Yeah you knew this was going to be on here. There is a reason this is on most peoples lists of top Voyager episodes. And yes, I know I am cheating by putting both episodes on the same spot on my list, but like Janeway, I make my own rules. This is the most action packed two-parter in the series, serving as a kind of what-if scenario if the Voyager crew went down a more dangerous path. It ultimately ends with the ever present “Voyager-Rest-Button” but this is the best use of it. This is the most bad-ass episode by a long shot, also giving great character interactions, as well as commentary of grief and family.

5. Living Witness

This one is for all of my TNG lovers out there, you will love this one. Living Witness sees the Doctor’s program ending up in an alien museum in the distant future where an exhibit shows the species interactions with the crew of the Voyager. It is up to the Doctor to clear the name of his crew, and himself. This is amazing commentary of how history can be warped by those that recount it. Of course I also enjoy the absolutely savage portrayal of the Voyager crew - you can tell they had a good time with this one. Overall, this is a story you could only see on Voyager and is excellently done.

6. Timeless

This episode is iconic. If you have seen media referencing Voyager, you have most likely seen the image of the Voyager crashing into an ice planet in some amazing for its time CGI (that holds put pretty dang well even today). This is a strong episode for both Chakotay and Kim, two of Voyagers other most under used characters, seeing them try and create a slipstream with the Delta Flyer to get home. While the Delta Flyer is ultimately successful in this, the Voyager and the rest of the crew ends up dead. Chakotay and Kim take it upon themselves to change the events of the accident.

7. Counterpoint

There is a reason that this is Kate Mulgrew’s favorite episode (other then the fact that she gets to kiss an alien). This is Janeway at her absolute best - intelligent, cunning, and a master of her craft. This sees Janeway help a group of telepaths cross a region of space where a xenophobic ruling body does not allow them. After frequent inspections, Janeway takes in a defector from the xenophobic race, who tries to get her to divulge her secrets. She, however, was always one step ahead of him in a brilliant power play that I can only describe as spicy.

8. Someone to Watch Over Me

Someone to Watch Over Me is a story about what it means to be human, a theme often discussed in Star Trek. This sees the Doctor, a hologram, show Seven, a woman rebuilding her sense of self after spending most of her life in the borg collective, teach her what he has learned about relationships. It’s like the blind leading the blind, or in a more Star Trek example, the blind teaching an Andriod how to paint. Throughout their time together, they both seem to teach each other a lot - Seven gains many incites into how to be more human and the Doctor learns what it is like to be in love. A heartwarming episode.

9. Collective

Members of Voyager’s senior staff are abducted by the borg... children. Five who have been separated and awoken from there maturation chamber struggle between being borg and being individuals. This is, however, not a borg story, it is a story about being human. As Seven was saved from the collected, she went through a transformation under the guidance of her friends family and now it is time for her to help these children in the same way.

10. The Void

After becoming trapped in a Void with no way of escape, they soon find that ever ship is out for their own in this region, everyone stealing what they need to survive. It becomes a battle of morals - do you take back from those who have stolen from you and then some? Do you use what has been stolen from others for your personal gain? Where do you draw the line for the sake of survive. The Voyager spearheads a mini federation type alliance of sorts, finding strength in unity and numbers, and, in the end, it is the understanding of others that allows for the Voyager and the members of the alliance to escape

These are not necessarily the best episodes of Voyager, but I think these are episodes that you can watch on their own with no other knowledge of Voyager to really get a feel for the series and the characters. Of course, I would love to know what other episodes you would include. Personally, I would have loved to include episodes like Course: Oblivion, Author Author, and Dark Frontier, but out of context, these episodes will give that Voyager flavor we all know an love.

[stardate2603]

An Exception (Tuvok x Reader)

gif belongs to me

You had worked alongside Tuvok on missions before, so when he came aboard the Voyager, you understood that the Vulcan was stoic and dispassionate. He was a great Lieutenant and voice of logic. So when you entered a relationship with a Vulcan, you knew it would be difficult emotionally, although lately, it seemed harder than in the beginning. Perhaps after dating for over a year, you wanted more than being the only person he would eat meals with. You understood he didn't like small talk, and when you would join him, he didn't object, and you ate in silence as he read.

B'Elanna knew it was hard for you, and it was hard not to speak up at times when Tuvok came across as rude when you were sure he didn't intend to be. You believed there were small glimpses of emotion in him at times. Mostly when you were alone, how he felt flickered in his eyes before disappearing again and leaving you to question whether it was indeed there.

Sometimes those glimpses were enough, but most of the time, it made you question if your relationship had a future. Was it doomed to fail? Or did you have a future together?

That was the dilemma you ran over in your head as you sat with Harry and Tom, looking over your shoulder at Tuvok, who didn't appear to notice you weren't sitting beside him for lunch. Tom's voice made you look away from Tuvok, "It says here that it's your birthday today." He said.

You nodded, "Yeah, it is."

"We should have a party!" He grinned.

"No. I don't want a party." You told him.

"Not everyone, just the bridge crew." He said. "Come on...I have an idea that you'll love."

You sighed at the excitement in his voice, the pouted lip and pleading blue eyes swaying your decision. "Alright. Fine. But just the bridge crew."

"Yes! Okay, meet me at the Holodeck tonight at 1800." He walked out of the Rec room, calling for Harry, who sighed, reluctantly following him. You smiled at the two men as they left, waving goodbye.

"L/N, to the bridge." You heard Janeway through the speaker.

You stood up to get rid of your trash and left the Rec room to go to the bridge. You were walking down a corridor when the ship lurched to the side, and you fell against the wall. You rubbed your forehead and headed to the bridge, Tuvok catching up to you at the door. He relieved the other Lieutenant, and you took your seat beside Tom, trying to figure out what had caused the ship to move forcibly.

"There is a ship approaching, Captain. 20,000 kilometres." You reported.

"Raise the shields. Go to Red Alert." She commanded.

You nodded, following orders, holding onto your station when the Voyager suffered another hit.

"Shields at 89%, Captain," Harry stated. Another hit shook the ship, and you shared a look with Tom, knowing it would be one of those days. "Shields now at 76%."

"Put it on screen." She ordered.

You nodded, hands gracefully pressing buttons to bring up footage of the spacecraft. You looked over at Tuvok and saw he was curiously looking at the ship while the Captain sent for Neelix to be brought to the bridge. "Captain, they're preparing to fire again." He warned.

"Fire phasers." She commanded.

You gasped when your panel sparked, falling to the side when the ship tipped to the left, your back sliding across the floor, a groan leaving your lips when your head hit the steps. Tom stabilized the Voyager and Chakotay helped you stand. "You need to go to sickbay." He said.

"I will take you." Tom volunteered with a sigh when Tuvok was focused on the enemy ship, and you thanked him, leaning on him for support as he led you off the bridge.

You didn't return to the remainder of your shift, and although you believed that Tuvok never even noticed you were gone, you were wrong. He felt the absence of your presence, and when he was granted leave, he sought you out, passing B'Elanna in the corridor.

"Lieutenant Torres." She stopped to turn to him. "Have you seen, Lieutenant L/N? I went to sickbay, but she was not there."

"She is in Holodeck 3 with Paris," B'Elanna told him. "He was throwing her a birthday party. The Doctor told her to take it easy, so he cancelled the party and took her to France."

Tuvok nodded, and B'Elanna noticed the slight lowering of his eyebrows, resembling disappointment and conflict as he appeared to consider the possibility of seeking you out briefly. "You could join her?" She suggested. "I know she would be surprised and pleased to see you."

B'Elanna walked away, and Tuvok watched her walk away, most likely heading to the social gathering. Tuvok walked to the Rec Room where Captain Janeway was sitting, beckoning him over when she noticed he was deep in thought about something.

"You look more in thought than usual..." She trailed off. "I thought you would be at the Holodeck."

"I prefer to keep away from social gatherings. Y/N understands." He said, taking a seat beside her.

"That may be so. But I know that she would enjoy your company on her birthday." Kathryn told him. "Her day hasn't gotten off to the best start. This day will certainly be memorable for her, after ending up in sickbay."

She was summoned to the bridge, so Tuvok was left contemplating for a few minutes as he gave her insight some thought. You always respected him, understanding that he was different and being Vulcan meant he behaved differently, not as affectionate in comparison to a human. But perhaps he had mistaken that respect for silent yearning. You wanted more from him emotionally, and Tuvok realized that he hadn't made his feelings crystal clear as he believed he had.

The Holodeck went silent, the music stopped, as did the chatter and the laughter. You raised an eyebrow at Paris when he stared over your shoulder with a slow grin forming on his lips. "Turn around." He told you.

You looked over your shoulder, and your eyes widened when you saw Tuvok looking around the room curiously, his eyes finding you. Standing up, you walked over to him, meeting halfway. "What are you doing here?" You asked. "Am I needed on the bridge?"

"No." He said. "Luitenant Torres informed me about the party. I thought it logical to attend, considering we are dating."

"You hate social gatherings." You smiled softly.

"I can make an exception." He said.

You looked like you wanted to hug him but contained your excitement, not wanting to do anything to make him change his mind. And he could see this in your eyes. So he leaned down to kiss your cheek and you were frozen in place, Tom and Harry approaching with beverages. "To the birthday girl." Tom smiled, and you thanked him.

Tuvok glanced around, raising his glass when he saw others doing the same. "Happy birthday." He said.

"Thank you." You leaned up to kiss his cheek.

Perhaps there was hope for your relationship, after all. And Tuvok started to see that the more he showed he cared, daring to say it while in the company of crew members, only makes you love him more, knowing that he was trying, for you, to be more emotionally available.

[kncrowder88]

Voyager and Romance

So, the thing about Voyager and romance that sticks with me is they seem to do one couple really, or more accurately two characters, any real justice overall. And that is B’Elanna and Tom. While moments for that relationship may not be perfect that is rather realistic for relationships, as no relationship is perfect all the time so that is tolerable. This post though isn’t going to be about looking at that particular relationship though but primarily at other relationships. Largely because a discord server I am in was talking about Counterpoint and I realized why I both love the episode but also have weird feelings with it. Which, I’ll touch more on that specifically after I discuss the relationship stuff (as that plays a part).

So, I will preface this with it has been a bit since I’ve done a binge of Voyager and really a full binge of Star Trek in general. As such, I may forget a few relationships on the show and overall, throughout Trek in general. From what I can really toss together … I honestly am beginning to believe that when it comes to Voyager and the other shows (the older ones not the new ones – I am not including any NEW Trek in this) that for some reason the relationship writing with Voyager was rather different. Like, they gave 3 characters active relationships prior to being stranded. That being Harry Kim, Kathryn Janeway, and Tuvok. Out of these three we get Janeway and Tuvok holding onto those relationships in their own way while … it seemed mildly convenient for Harry to mention it when it suited him, I guess (like that time Tom wanted to set them up for a double date or you know when he ended up in that alternate timeline but still wanted back with Voyager even more like). Like, the reason I don’t list Tuvok-T’Pel above is because we don’t actually get to SEE that in full, we just get to see Tuvok’s side of it and his dedication – we don’t see the relationship, we don’t see the couple.

Harry and Tom, prior to his relationship with B’Elanna, seem to frequently do this sort of two bros dating around thing which is fine but like … same time the show used them for that. And once they settled Tom with B’Elanna they used Harry in those plot lines when it worked. Thus the alien STD episode and the “how dare you not get the standard permission from your CO and CMO” line (like they really put that into a Trek ep and I’m still unable to not picture Riker, Kirk, Picard, and everyone other Trek character constantly getting permission for their latest romance – just remember Jadzia and Worf likely had to get permission from Sisko and Bashir if the Trill and Klingon weren’t already approved of in the system just saying, that’s a thing that happened). Anyways … my point is they went out of their way on this. Like, when Kes was with Neelix they wrote Neelix to be that jealous judgmental boyfriend who literally got upset she knew where other people’s quarters where, she was nice to Tom, she was … just yeah. They wrote Tom to come off as a player pulling Harry into it, when Tom settled down Harry seems to pick that up (I mean you got his “omg Seven” phase and the alien STD stuff and lord knows what else I’m forgetting with him).

And to top this off I haven’t even touched on the “Janeway can’t have a romance” stuff yet. Which is where my real problem is. Like, its bad enough they brought in Jeri for the sex appeal (which lets be honest stems from the fact they couldn’t use Janeway for that – which I get, Kate was right in the whole concept of the audience target having to keep respect for a female lead and sex appeal couldn’t be a focal point but they could have balanced it right and regrettably because they couldn’t that meant Jeri got all of the other side of the coin). Many of Seven’s eps center on romance or social stuff and honestly that is a whole other WTF post in its own right because it all leads up to the sudden get with the one person on the ship who didn’t want you here in the first place and who also would have served better as the male adult guidance figure/father figure than as a ROMANTIC partner but hey BS happened behind scenes to cause that chaotic romantic on screen set up. But yeah … this is just another example of the poor Voyager romantic plot lines.

Chakotay’s romantic plot lines are usually – and by that, I mean pretty much always – with these strong independent women. But usually, at least from what I recall, they are also typically the “needs help” (damsel in distress/can’t do it alone/etc.) plot. Like, Riley was strong independent but also set up to need help in regard to getting her little collective put back together on the planet. You got Kellin, again another strong lady who yet again also needed help. At least in the ep she’s in and if I recall much of the info on how they fell in love during that time as well – primarily with getting away from danger at the start and then during the initial romance finding her target. Valerie is the only one who doesn’t fall into the needs help plot and that’s largely because she was being manipulated by Chakotay for information – which honestly just goes to show how well Chakotay was at the whole undercover stuff (which tells us a lot about what he could have been doing as a Maquis). Seska was the plot point of “you once dated her, now she is going to badger you to get with her again and when that fails, she’s going to assault you” …. like all of Chakotay’s romances are literally him either 1) being manipulated (as that’s what Seska and Riley did) or 2) being the kind guy or 3) not an actual relationship (either because its undercover work or because the writers were too cowardly to make him and Janeway canon).

Then you got Janeway. Then you got KATHRYN JANEWAY. You know, the one where Kate Mulgrew said no romance, no sexualizing, no doing that sort of stuff because the audience had to maintain respect for the character. I’m sure someone has the exact various quotes out there. Like … this is why we don’t have JC as canon. But what we do got instead is …. Janeway in Prime Factors being flirted with by the administrator as if that’s going to get him what he wants because “female leader means flirt with her”. We got Janeway and a period drama holodeck adventure in the early years which was clearly meant to be her romantic tête-à-tête early on that never got followed up with. We got “delete the wife” with the Fair Haven plot point (because its totally respectable to see the FEMALE LEAD, the STARFLEET CAPTAIN, just straight up DELETE THE WIFE of another individual - yeah, I get its meant to be humor factor because hologram but come on). You have her whole thing with Mark which we get tidbits off but again similar to Tuvok we literally only get to see her side of it – the only couple moment of theirs we get is the comm call in Caretaker.

But Jaffen? You are correct. We got that lovely and touching and wonderful romance with Jaffen …. Oh wait … they had to remove her from the ship, strip her of her memory, and her autonomy in order for her to have a relationship with another individual. And yes, by losing her memories, by losing what made her who she was as a person, she did lose a sense of autonomy. She entered into a relationship without a full sense of independent choice. The point in which she made a choice in that episode, the point in which she – Kathryn Janeway – made a choice with all of the person, the individual she is, was at the end when she had her memories back and could decide based on the values and beliefs and all that she is. What I’m getting at is the people on that planet deliberately took away who she was, they took her memories and her ability to make the decisions they knew she would make --- they did that deliberately (that’s even established in the episode) --- and as such her decisions while in that state are not truly her full independent decisions but the ones impacted by the state she was forced into.

And while I love Resolutions, while I love all the JC goodies, we get in that ep … Yet again the only time we get to see Janeway in any sort of romantic situation is when they remove her from the ship. When they remove her from command. When they strip her of that setting. This time, though – well the first time – she keeps awareness and has to go through lose of it all in order to even start to let it all happen. I love the episode, I do, but I just find it rather amusing they went “’Hey we gotta strand them what should their tasks be on the planet?” and they immediately went “Well Janeway is scientist how about that” “Okay and he can build, Chakotay can start building. Man builds house, right?” and then like went “oh and then she can start a garden” …. Like really? Really? That’s what you got for me. Oh, and then there is the monkey. That’s the romance this ep. Boat, science, monkey.

Then we got Kashyk. We have dealt with Kathryn throughout this series dealing with various leaders of various styles. As mentioned, Prime Factors guy attempted flirting. Other leaders pulled similar or worse or even dismissed her …. Like the list goes on. Counterpoint is a great episode because it deals with prejudice and is rather dark. The thing is, had Janeway been able to have a healthy romantic relationship on screen to counter this episode this episode probably would have come off better. Episodes like Prime Factor could have been done different (that leader didn’t need to be as flirty for example). One or two eps through the series having creepy dudes she had to deal with, fine, whatever … that be a nice impact for the audience. But when you have to many prior to Counterpoint – even if its minor, small stuff – it makes this episode so much harder for fans. Especially the female fans who deal with this constantly.

See, here’s the thing with this ep…. Some of the fans who watch … we know Kashyk well. We know that character. He is that male leader, that male power figure, who uses the power he has to manipulate those in his control to get what he wants. And Kathryn … Kathryn was in his control. Kashyk is listed as a relationship on memory-alpha. But much like how I view Seska with Chakotay … I do not view Kashyk as a proper relationship. In Devore space, Kathryn did not have proper power. She had people in her command, on her ship, that she had to protect. That she knew she had to protect. Her own best friend … lives in her hand … and Kashyk right there willing to kill them. Willing to snatch them up and destroy them. And he used that power to manipulate her and play her. Yes, she played him right back but … did she truly have a choice? Did she have any other choice but to play his game? What would have happened if she said no? And that … that is why this episode is so unsettling for some people. And why this relationship being considered on is so off putting … that the writers, that memory-alpha, that the fact I’m putting it on this list as one of the ones on here for Voyager says so much … they wrote this as one of her relationships while out there … she had to do what so many women had to do to stay safe, to keep people she loves safe, and that’s not a relationship.

Voyager could have done romance/relationships such better justice.

[summahsunlight]

This Way Became My Journey, Ch. 21

The cave's walls were dark, thick. The only light was from the wrist torch. She moved through the tight cave, being careful where she stepped so she wouldn't slip and fall on the smooth rocks and dirt beneath her feet. 

Up ahead she could see a large cavern. There was something there that she was looking for, she wasn't sure how she knew that, but she did. She entered the deep chasm only to find more rock, more dirt. Not what she was looking for. She pressed forward even more, now a voice in the back of her head telling her to go back. It sounded like Chakotay over the comline. 'Lieutenant, don't go any further until I get there.' 

He sounds like my brother, she thought, ignoring his request. 

It was foolish not to listen. Someone or something was standing in front of her, pointing a weapon at her. It was grotesque, with skin graphs and hair falling out, almost like a decaying corpse walking around. 

The pain shot through her so quickly that she couldn't even register a scream. All that came out was a gasp for air, and then suddenly she realized, she couldn't get air. 

'Lieutenant? Can you hear me?' 

Chakotay's voice again, but she couldn't answer back, she couldn't breath, it was as if her lungs were gone… 

With a start Sarah Barrett sat straight up in bed, gasping for breath, and was relieved that she could breathe. She suddenly realized that Chakotay was indeed talking to her over the comlink and it had been what had roused her from the nightmare. Shaking, she reached out and grabbed at the combadge that was resting on the nightstand. Pressing it between her thumb and pointer finger, she responded, "Go ahead Commander."

"For a moment I thought you were ignoring me," Commander Chakotay's voice chuckled.

"Sorry, I…my mind was elsewhere," she said. "What can I do for you Commander?"

"I'm on my way to meet with the Captain before reporting to duty," Chakotay told her. "She was asking about you yesterday. Should I tell her you'll be ready to report back to duty in a couple of days?" 

Sarah got up off the bed and went into the bathroom, scowling at her mussed hair and drained appearance. "I'm going to see the Doctor this morning. If all goes like I'm hoping I'll be reporting for duty today." She reached for the hair brush that was on the sink and began to tackle the tangles that plagued her dark tresses. "I don't think I can spend another day reading, or organizing my sock drawer."

Another chuckle. "I'll let Captain Janeway know to expect you. Chakotay out."

Slipping out of her tangled nightgown she mumbled to the computer to activate the sonic shower. She preferred a good bath or a real water shower, but time was not going to permit it. She was due to report to the Doctor in less than twenty minutes. A quick sonic shower was all she had time for, to wash away the grim from a restless sleep.

It was easy to find her uniform, since she had been taken off the duty roster for a week and a half, it had laid on the dining room chair. When she had slipped out of her quarters to see the Doctor she had been clad in civilian attire, reasoning there was no point to traipsing around the ship in uniform when she wasn't on duty.

The fabric felt starchy against her skin. It also proved to be difficult to get into the tight fitting turtleneck since her rib cage was still sore from the crash. Gritting her teeth and bearing it, for she didn't care anymore how much pain she was in, she was going to report to duty that day. She was tired of so many things. There was only so much classic literature and reorganizing drawers one person could take. She had even rearranged the furniture in the living and dining areas to make the room more easily traveled. The Doctor would probably throw a fit if he knew she had done that with her tender ribs.

Tucking her hair back into a twist, she clipped her combadge onto her tunic, and with a final glance to make sure that her pips were on straight, left the quarters.

A few crewmen who were on their way to their duties stations or back to their quarters nodded their heads at her in greeting before going about their business. Everything had pretty much returned back to normal for them the moment Chakotay and Sarah had been transported back to Voyager. However, it was a different story, at least for Sarah. It was going to be a while for her to feel normal again.

The dreams were not helping her out any.

They had started when Harry Kim had come by to visit her and offered to 'cook' dinner for her. The two had shared some stories about what was going on on the bridge, how the Captain seemed ready to burst at the seams because she was solely relying on Neelix for diplomatic advice, and that the Talaxian had been bubbling about some planetoid that could go a long way in helping them with their dilithium supplies. In fact, it had been that night she had the first dream of being in a cavern, being stalked and then feeling a sensation of having her lungs ripped out of her body.

At first she had thought it was post traumatic stress. But now she was beginning to think otherwise.

"Deck five," she called out when she entered the turbolift. This trip had become routine everyday and if the Doctor was capable of making friends, Sarah was sure that they would be best buddies by now because she had been in sickbay so often the last ten or so days.

The routine was getting old, and she could tell it wasn't only getting old for her. The Doctor didn't seem practically thrilled when she showed up for her check up everyday. Then again, the Doctor didn't seem thrilled about anything unless he was in the midst of some medical crisis. So much for Starfleet's brilliant idea of leaving starships with a back up doctor; it was obvious that they weren't thinking long term solution when they programmed him. Otherwise, Sarah was convinced that the Doctor would have been programmed to be a bit more…understanding.

"You're late," the hologram snapped out when she entered. "And in uniform. Is there some change in schedule that I should be made aware of? Last I checked you weren't scheduled to report for duty for another two days."

Tom's right, his bedside manner does need to be improved if he's going to be our chief medical officer for the next seventy five years. "I'm getting sick of sitting around," Sarah replied, going to stand near the instrument table. "Just scan me, say I'm fit for active duty, and I'll go about my merry way."

The Doctor picked up a medical tricorder. "Are you in any pain?"

"Nothing I can't handle," she said.

The hologram heaved a sigh and put the tricorder down. "Why does this crew insist to go against their doctor's wishes?"

"Maybe you just got a crew with ADD," Sarah replied, with a teasing smirk.

"You're no better than the rest of them," he snapped. "I would think that the ship's counselor would hold herself above such pettiness."

"Sorry I don't live up to your high standards."

The Doctor placed the tricorder back onto the tray. "Other than the fact that your rib cage is still tender from the surgery, you're fit for duty. BUT I've already put a recommendation in that you do not go on any away missions until further notice."

Well, that is going to put a dampener on things. "You're the Doctor," she mumbled, unhappy about being restricted to the ship.

"At least someone on this ship realizes that," he returned, beginning to leave the room.

"Doctor, wait," she called out. "Can I ask you something?"

"I'm listening."

"I've been having these dreams, of being in a cave, looking for something. I hear Commander Chakotay tell me not to go any further, but I keep going," Sarah said. "I'm…I'm attacked by what I think is an alien, but I can't be sure, it looks more like a corpse. The last thing that happens before I wake up is I feel like my lungs are…are gone. Could it…could it be post traumatic stress?"

The Doctor didn't even bat an eyelash. "It's possible. But…you are the counselor, why are you asking me?"

She shrugged her slender shoulders. "I guess I just wanted a second opinion."

"I can give you something to help you sleep, but if the dreams do not go away I'd talk to someone about it," the Doctor replied.

"Talk to someone? To who?" Sarah inquired.

"You must have friends, Miss Barrett," he replied.

You're not alone. Chakotay. "Well…yes, I guess I do."

"Then my suggestion to you Miss Barrett is this, talk to a friend about your experiences on that planetoid. It wouldn't hurt you, only help."

"Hi Commander Chakotay, Mama's trying to get Ava dressed, she's being stubborn," Michael Janeway greeted, startling the first officer, who had not been expecting the boy to answer the door.

Like mother like daughter, Chakotay thought as he stepped into the quarters. Peering around the room he noticed that Tal Celes, the children's nanny, was not present. Usually when he stopped by in the morning before proceeding to the bridge, Tal was there, chipper as ever, playing with the children. "Tal isn't here yet?"

"She's sick, Mama said she was exposed to the worst germ carriers of all," Michael replied. "What do you think she meant by that Commander Chakotay?"

Chakotay shook his head, deciding to play it safe. "I wouldn't know," he replied with a smile, picturing the Captain uttering those words to her inquisitive son. "I'm sure your mother has taken care of those germ carriers, Michael."

At this moment Kathryn emerged from the baby's room, a wailing, but a fully dressed Ava, toddling after her. If the Captain was bothered by the little girl's crying, her face didn't show it. Instead, she reached out, grabbed her uniform tunic that was resting over the back of a chair and put it on. Smiling at Chakotay, she said, "Care to join us for breakfast?"

"I've already had mine, thanks," he replied, keeping his eyes on the toddler. Ava was demanding attention by clinging tightly to her mother's pant leg.

Kathryn responded by shrugging it off. "It's a shame; I heard that the rations were particularly dehydrated this morning." Her ignoring Ava only seemed to make the baby angry. She suddenly shrieked which caused everyone in the room to shiver at the high pitch. "It's also a shame that you won't have the pleasure of dining with my children, who absolutely love ration packs."

"That's not true, Mama," Michael protested, covering his ears to try and drown out Ava's screaming. "I hate them."

Chakotay chuckled. "Apparently, he hasn't learned the concept of sarcasm yet."

"He will, soon enough," the Captain drawled, finishing up with her tunic. With a final straightening of her uniform, she was all business as usual. "How much longer until we reach this planet that Neelix keeps boasting about?"

"Shouldn't be long now," Chakotay replied. "Just enough time to enjoy your breakfast with your delightful daughter."

Kathryn frowned at Ava who had now latched onto her mother's leg, wrapping her arms and own legs about it tightly. The woman pried the child free and looked sheepishly back at the commander. "I thought I was beyond this when Tal agreed to take care of them, however, I never took into consideration that children spread germs, quite frequently may I add, and she would get sick."

"Well, what's one more day in the ready room, really when you look at the grand scheme of things?"

"We're going to spend the day with you?" Michael asked, excitedly, his eyes lighting up, the thought of eating rations again for breakfast gone. "Do you think Tom will let me fly the ship?"

Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged glances. "I...I'll have to think about that one, honey. Maybe when you're older."

A disappointed look fell over the child's face but Kathryn was soon ushering them all out into the corridor and towards the turbo lift, where they would proceed to the mess hall. Ava seemed less than thrilled to be leaving, especially since her mother absolutely refused to pick her up and continued to sob all the way to the turbo lift, the ride to deck two, and the way towards the captain's private dining room. Stealing a glance at the child, who was practically running to keep up, Chakotay was struck with how much she resembled her mother, even at this young of an age.

Her eyes were just as bright a blue, just as fiery, her hair shimmered copper in the lights, and even the curve of her lips was identical of that to Kathryn. It was almost as if Kathryn had a little clone walking around. He chuckled at that thought. As if this crew needed two Kathryn Janeways.

"Commander? Have you heard anything I've said?"

Chakotay snapped his eyes up to meet Kathryn's. "I, ah…was distracted."

A smile played on her lips. "It's best to ignore her. She'll stop…eventually."

"I'm sure she will, now what were you saying?"

"We need to come up with a way of refining the dilithium, assuming Neelix is right, and that there is any on the planet we're heading too," Kathryn replied, as the walked along the observation deck.

"Lieutenant Torres has already asked permission to make modifications to the auxiliary impulse reactor," Chakotay answered her, watching as Michael went to peek out the large windows, briefly, trying to get away from Ava, who had resorted to following her brother around now since she wasn't getting a reaction out of her mother and the commander. "It could be converted into a crude dilithium refinery."

"The impulse reactor?" Kathryn repeated a grin on her face. They stopped walking, while the children peered out the large windows. "Sometimes I think B'Elanna goes out of her way to find solutions that ignore Starfleet procedures."

"Her arguments are quite convincing. She thinks it can be done safely."

"I'm sure it can," Kathryn said, starting to walk away again, not even telling the children she was moving. "Tell her I want regular reports on her progress."

Chakotay turned about to join her and saw that Michael jogged away from the window to catch up, Ava, who had stopped her crying for a brief moment while looking out the window, suddenly bawled again, and chased after him, her little feet laboring to keep up.

"Are you sure you won't join us for breakfast?" Kathryn asked him again, her eyes traveling back towards the children. "I was thinking of having eggs Benedict with asparagus, strawberries and cream…"

They stopped in front of the doors to her private dining room. Chakotay scratched his head for a moment, wondering if perhaps in all the commotion of the morning, she had forgotten that the replicators were still down from the Rupor attack a week prior.

She caught the look on his face. "I said I was thinking about it. I'm actually having ration pack number five; stewed tomatoes with dehydrated eggs."

"Mmm, sounds delicious, but I've already had my vacuum packed oatmeal this morning," he said, with a sneaky smile. Michael was making a face and he reached out and mussed his hair. "See you on the bridge."

"Bye Commander," Michael said, happily.

Kathryn watched him go for a moment, pondering the relationship that had started to sprout up between Michael and her first officer. Naturally Michael had latched on so to speak to the men, he loved it when Tom joined the children for lunch in the mess hall, and he was always asking Harry engineering questions. But for some reason, the bond between Michael and Chakotay was different. Chakotay was gentle with them, soft spoken. The children felt comfortable around him and Michael had taken to asking him life's questions, like a child would their father. This for some reason, bothered her. It wasn't that Michael was purposely trying to replace his father, the grief counselor back on Earth had told her that it would be good for him to find a surrogate father so to speak. Kathryn had always been comfortable when that roll had been filled by Gabriel Dawson, the children's uncle, but now, seventy thousand light years from home, the thought that her first officer could take on that roll, unnerved her at the same time it comforted her.

"Mama, are we going to eat?"

Eyes locking with her son's she realized she had been daydreaming. "Yes, sorry, I was thinking." She reached out and punched in the access code to the dining room. The doors swished open and the family was greeted with the smell of cooking food and smoke.

At the far end of the room, where the replicators had once been, was a couple of burners, that looked like they had hastily been put together, and were flaming. Kathryn, seeing the flames, instinctively stepped in front of her children, scooping a now shocked Ava up into her arms.

She wasn't surprised to find Neelix twittering about in the middle of this mess. "What is going on here?"

"Captain you caught me by surprise!"

"I could say the same thing," Kathryn snapped sarcastically, following Neelix back into what used to be her private dining room. "What are you doing?"

"Well, that's obvious Mama, he's cooking," Michael piped up. His mother shot him a glare and he shrunk against the wall, tucking his hands behind his back.

Neelix went on to explain that he knew the senior officers weren't happy with the ration packs so he decided to take some of the vegetables from the hydroponics bay that Kes had created and make a galley. "It wasn't easy. I had to completely reroute the Mess Hall power conduits and scrounge a lot of supplies from all over the ship, but that's my specialty making something out of nothing."

Kathryn shifted Ava onto one hip. How in the hell did he do all this without any of us noticing? "Neelix," she said, in her best command voice, gripping his arm with the hers that had been freed up by shifting Ava about,"who approved this?"

"Uh, well…no one."

"Uh-oh," Michael muttered from his spot on the wall. "Not a good idea Neelix." Being the son of a Starfleet captain, and the nephew of a Starfleet lawyer, Michael knew a lot about protocol, and that his mother was never happy when that protocol had been breached. The burners started to flame even more and he stepped back in fear of getting burnt. Neelix quickly went to drown the flames with a towel, Kathryn following behind him.

"You might have asked me first," she said, hotly. "This used to be my private dining room."

Neelix looked surprised at that. "Your, your dining room? Oh…ah I guess you'll be wanting me to get this out of your way."

"Bridge to Captain Janeway."

"Go ahead."

"We're approaching the rogue planetoid."

"On my way," she responded, turning to Neelix. "I want you to come with me. We will deal with this later." She gestured for Michael to come with her and left the room as Neelix hurriedly gave Ensign Parsons directions on how to keep the kitchen running while he was gone.

She had to admit that a galley would be nice, real food would be nice for a change, but it didn't take away from the fact that Neelix had not come to her first. Of course, how was he supposed to know such things, not being from Starfleet? The surprise of finding him cooking in the private dining room had done one positive thing; it had stopped Ava's crying. Kathryn felt it safe to put the child onto the floor of the turbo lift just as the doors opened to the bridge.

Pointing towards the empty engineering station she told Michael to call up some program that she had been working on to start his basic schooling. It wasn't much, she knew, but for now it was going to have to do. Tal had agreed to watch the children, but she had told the Captain, openly that she probably was not the best teacher for the children, seeing how Michael could do multiplication at the age of five, and she hadn't even been able to do that at the age of eleven.

The boy was eager to start the new lesson and climbed up into the seat that was too big for him, typing away at the console. Ava waddled after him and somehow managed to squeeze her little body into the chair with him.

Kathryn stole a glance at her first officer, a thought suddenly occurring to her.

"I already locked out the ship's systems. The only thing he can access is the programs you specified," Chakotay said, with a bemused look. "There'll be no action figures in the conduits today."

He has to bring that up, Kathryn thought begrudgingly. Before Tal, the children had run rampant on the ship, Kathryn not being able to keep up with them and her work. Michael had even gone as far as crawling into a Jefferies tube with Ava and playing around with a power conduit, later claiming that it had been Ava who put the action figure in it. Kathryn had never quite believed him. "What have you found?" she finally asked Harry Kim.

"We're picking up definite dilithium signatures, Captain," Kim answered. "The strongest readings are originating from ten to twenty kilometers inside the planetoid."

"It also looks like the there's a series of subterranean caves, with an oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere," B'Elanna Torres reported from the Science station.

"Class-M," Chakotay stated, standing next to Paris at conn. "It'll make mining a lot easier if we can go in there without environmental suits."

"How much dilithium are we talking about?"

"It's hard to get a precise reading. It could be anywhere from five hundred to…one thousand metric tons."

"Just as I said," Neelix declared, quite proud of himself. Kathryn already annoyed with him that morning, gave him a look that he didn't seem to notice. "I bet there are a few Yallitian engineers who'd give all three of their spinal columns to know where this planet is."

Kathryn resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Commander," she addressed Chakotay, "take an away team down into those caves and do a preliminary geological analysis. Lieutenant," she said, now addressing B'Elanna, "you better get your dilithium refinery online."

"It'll be ready to go in three days."

Kathryn gave her a nod of approval while Chakotay told Harry to join him. She felt Neelix brush her arm as he moved behind her towards Chakotay. She turned towards her seat watching with amusement the look that came across Chakotay's face as the Talaxian crossed the bridge to meet up with him. Lowering her body down she heard Chakotay ask where Neelix was going.

"With you," Neelix answered, enthusiastically. "I've been studying my Tricorder Operations Manual. Lieutenant Torres has brought me up to date on dilithium geophysics." He turned towards Kathryn, who was listening to the exchange intently. "I've been preparing for this mission all week."

You can't fault him for wanting to help out. "Very well, Mister Neelix," was all she said before Chakotay disappeared into the turbo lift, with what she could have sworn was a I'll get you back glare.

Neelix sputtered after him. "I'll think you'll find me extremely helpful, Commander. I remember the first time I flew by this planet, I think it was about three years ago…"

"Deck four," Harry Kim called out desperately and the lift's doors closed.

Kathryn laughed silently and gazed at the back of Tom Paris' head. Neelix could be a little too eager which in turn made him impulsive at times, but his heart was in the right place, she concluded.

The doors to the turbo lift could be heard swishing open again and for a moment she thought that Chakotay had buckled and sent Neelix back. Turning her head she saw her counselor step onto the bridge. Kathryn couldn't help but feel warmed by her presence. The last week and a half had been awkwardly silent without the counselor there while she recovered from her injuries and infection which she had sustained in a shuttle crash.

"Reporting for duty, ma'am," Sarah Barrett said, sliding into an at ease position. "The Doctor gave me the go ahead to return to active duty."

"Welcome back, Lieutenant," Kathryn said with a smile, gesturing towards her chair. "Take a seat. We've missed you around here."

Sarah made her way down the steps and to the bench chair that she had occupied every duty shift until she had gotten injured. "Did I miss much?" she asked, with a teasing smile.

Kathryn shook her head. "No, just the same old same old. You know how it goes."

"I heard about Neelix turning your dining room into a galley," Sarah said. "If you want I can talk to him, it is after all my fault."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Before Chakotay and I left on the mission to Karva, he asked me if there was a way he could help out around here more, I told him that I would sit down and talk with him when I got back," she replied. "But, we all know how the story goes from there. I guess he got a little impatient."

The Captain brushed her off with a wave of her hand. "Don't worry about. It was hardly traumatic; a bit of a surprise, but nothing that can't be easily repaired. Besides, I'm not sure I want him to dismantle the galley just yet."

"You don't?"

"He had a valid point that the senior officers, myself included, have not been too fond of the ration packs lately," Kathryn pointed out, glancing up at Michael, who every time his mother mentioned it was meal time would scowl in disgust and groan, not ration packs again. 

Sarah noticed where she was looking and commented, "I see the cherubs are joining us today."

"I wouldn't know about any cherubs," Kathryn replied, dryly, "but the children are here. Tal's sick, and it's making me rethink the situation. I don't think it's fair to have her watch them six days a week; her only off day my only off day. Maybe I should be offering her a break, taking them two days a week. It would only work out to one day on the bridge; we can spend my day off in our quarters or on the holodeck." She saw the exasperated look that came over Sarah's face. "I know, I know, we'd have to step up security."

The young woman swallowed. "You do remember the time that Michael tried to access helm control, right? If Mister Paris hadn't been near by, who knows what would have happened to Voyager. Ma'am, I understand it's been difficult, but if Tal isn't complaining, maybe we should just…leave things alone."

"If it's not broke why fix it?," Kathryn said, with a shy grin.

"What we need is someone to be their teacher, someone aside from a babysitter, that way it gives Tal a break from having both of them all the time," Sarah suggested and immediately regretted opening her mouth. The Captain got a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Good idea, Counselor," she said. "Why don't you start working on candidates that you would think will make a good teacher? Of course I would have done it myself, but I don't know the crew as well as you do; this is a good assignment for you, and it fits in with the light duties that the Doctor suggested until you're one hundred percent back on your feet."

Tom Paris turned slightly in his chair to give her a teasing look and she felt her cheeks flush for a moment. Lowering her eyes, she focused on the gray carpet. "Yes, ma'am, I'll get working on it right away."

Kathryn laughed to herself and leaned back into her chair.

"Sickbay to the Bridge," the Doctor's persistent voice came over the comlink.

"Go ahead Doctor."

"Captain, I think you should come down here. There's been a medical emergency with the away team."

[annakie]

Am I once again posting about the Voyager Relaunch Novels?  Yes.  Yes I am.

I am re-reading the Post-Endgame Voyager Relaunch novels and marathoned reading The Eternal Tide over the last two nights and all I have to say is Janeway and Chakotay love each other so much, I was literally sobbing through about six sections of the second half of that book.  

The Kirsten Beyer books are SO GOOD.  And as I’m re-reading them I love how she handles every single one of the Voyager characters but especially Chakotay.  I feel like she understands Chakotay and gives him everything the writers of Voyager never quite grasped about his character in seven seasons.  Full Circle is such a powerful story of his love and his grief, and the rest of the crew’s love for him (especially Tom, B’lanna, Harry and Sev-- wow his friendship with Seven is so awesome throughout the Beyer books, everything it should have been in the show and not what we got in Endgame.  The support they have for each other without forcing a cringey relationship back onto them adds so much to BOTH of their characters.  Hey this paragraph went way off the rails but I don’t care.)

Anyway I really love the plots of each of these books, I love how they handle EVERY character (well, I miss Tuvok -- at some point I’m gonna get to the Titan novels) and the new characters are pretty great (oh man Cambridge is a fave, and so much better than the new consular that was introduced in the Spirit Walk books.  Loved Eden, love Farkas.)

I made a post a few days ago about how Chakotay is the whole “upstanding, solid, good guy” archetype that some people dare to call “boring” I’ve previously talked at length in a post about Mass Effect about how that’s just... my favorite kind of character.  And Chakotay is just... so that.  It also made me realize that the Janeway / Chakotay dynamic is also very similar to a Shepard / Kaidan dynamic (powerful commanding officer of her own ship woman character, solid, good, honorable mature right-hand man first officer (or close to it) male character and maybe that’s why they’re both two of my favorite ships.

Anwyay here’s some spoilery thoughts about The Eternal Tide.

Chakotay telling Seven about his relationship with Janeway evolving before she died, and how he doesn’t think he’ll ever love any other woman!

Confirmation that Chakotay was thinking about proposing when they were supposed to met in Venice!??!  What!?

Janeway thinking about Chakotay right after her resurrection and how deeply she feels for him and wondering about how her death affected him!  Also I kind of love that Chakotay DIDN’T come to her mind when deciding whether to return to life or not?  This was her decision and making it about A Man I think would have made it feel less about her and how she knew she would be taking responsibility for The Multiverse, which is what it absolutely should have been about.  Realizing what her death would have done to him basically the second she was alive again... that part was so well written.  I loved it.  Her relationship shouldn’t become the basis of who she is -- but it adds to her.

Their... reunion... scene... almost being ruined by Q... Chakotay’s utter shock and disbelief and the description of him slowly beginning to have his heart open up to the possibility, him inching closer to her as she’s thinking that maybe she’s made a mistake and understands just how deeply her death hurt him... that.... entire... SCENE.  (Actually about once a year I dig that book and Full Circle out just to read their getting together / reunion scenes.)

Getting Seven’s reaction to Janeway was also very, very good.  I wish they hadn’t cut past the scene where the rest of the Voyager staff sees her for the first time but we did get a little taste of it.

Um okay and then Janeway tells Chakotay she loves him for the first time and he says it back, naturally but like, this is as Chakotay was preparing to go on a suicide mission?  SOBBING.  They didn’t even get a day together, but at least they got to say goodbye this time.

Janeway forcing herself not to think about Chakotay’s death because things just got so much more dire.

Yes they won, but Janeway all alone on the battle bridge and she can’t even bring herself to contact Voyager yet because she just needs time to mourn Chakotay for a few seconds and takes a few seconds, a few breaths, a few moments... and then... OMG.... Chakotay is returned by Godson Q just before his death and they’re so happy... I CANNOT.

THE EPILOGUE where they’re in bed and had spent every possible moment together and so casual and free and happy together... it’s everything we ever wanted for seven seasons and seven more books.

--

Oh I started this post now almost a week ago and now I’m a few books forward and hey am I now going to talk about Protectors?  Yes, yes I am.

J/C don’t get to spend a lot of time together in this book.  Janeway gets sent back to the Alpha Quadrant to undergo counseling and evaluation which, tbh, is totally valid considering she DIED A VIOLENT HORRIBLE DEATH and then WAS DEAD FOR FOURTEEN MONTHS and then you know RESURRECTED AND IMMEDIATELY HAD TO SAVE THE MULTIVERSE oh yeah not to mention WAS REUNITED WITH THEN HAD TO TELL CHAKOTAY GOODBYE FOREVER A FEW HOURS LATER then oh wait THE MAN SHE LOVES WAS ALSO BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD (or the brink of death, whatever.)

There’s a short and sweet goodbye scene then for the bulk of the book Janeway is back on Earth going to counseling (which, that second counseling scene was so great, and seeing her slow down and enjoy life with her mother was so great, and um also that scene with her and Picard?  Wow.  Just Wow.  Also I can’t wait to go back and read some TNG books because I need to see JL/B actually get together.)  And the entire time she’s just like... not even doubting her relationship with Chakotay even a little.  She thinks of him and is excited to be reunited but every time it’s like “the man I love” “The person I plan on spending the rest of my life with” and even “the love of my life.”  WOW.  Just Wow.  Chakotay worries a bit but never doubts.

Oh and then she basically tells her commanding officer “yeah um, thanks but I absolutely have no plans on curbing my relationship with Chakotay to make you feel more comfortable.  Also JL/B and Riker/Troi are all married so fuck you?”  She does agree to keep separate quarters on another ship which is like.. fine... whatever.  But also her going “Yes he’s my subordinate but we’re not going to let that affect our working relationship, we’re adults.” Fuck. Yeah.  Montgomery asks if they’re gonna get married and Janeway is all “IDK, probably? We’ll let you know.”

And B’Elanna asks Chakotay the same thing and his answer is also basically “Yeah at some point, we haven’t talked about it yet but yeah we’re spending the rest of our lives together now stop prodding me.”

Their reunion when she returns doesn’t go as planned and it’s a teensy bit worrisome at the end but with notes of positivity.

--

OK I’m only about 1/3rd into Acts of Contrition but I got to a part last night that made me put the book down for a minute and thank Kirsten Beyer out loud.

J/C finally get to spend some time alone several days after she makes it back to the fleet in the Delta Quadrant.  They have a brief discussion about The Plot, then Chakotay is like “Know what?  We’ll talk about The Plot Stuff tomorrow in the briefing.  Let’s instead talk about us.”  And then he stands up for what he wants!  And Janeway listens, and they talk, and agree!  And then Chakotay is like “Okay, now I really want to hear about what happened to you back on Earth for all those weeks!”  So... literally they just... sit and talk for several hours like, I don’t know, real people would?  There’s no drama!  And they both affirm their commitment to each other and their relationship!

It’s just... it’s... so good?  Their relationship is so solid!  They LOVE EACH OTHER and it’s based on their solid friendship (something else they actually say out loud!) and they talk to each other and there’s no like drama for drama’s sake about their relationship so far and it’s like, better than even any fanfic I’ve ever read (and there’s some great fic out there for these two) because nearly every other character is also getting their screentime and character development (minus Tuvok -- who’s off with Riker and Troi on the Titan and Neelix isn’t around much -- though he’s spoken of and we see him a bit when they visit New Talax).  Also it’s... beta canon.  No matter what, this is real and accepted beta canon.

I have been going back and listening to all the episodes of the Literary Trek podcast episodes about these books, and for Eternal Tide and Protectors Beyer herself was on the podcast and listening to her talk about Chakotay and Janeway both individually and as a couple her love for them both is clear, she loves the show and knows what she’s doing and is allowed to do it, and her writing is so damn good.  One of the hosts of the podcast has said in several episodes that he used to really dislike Chakotay as he was in the show and now book Chakotay is one of his favorite characters.  And honestly? I do love show Chakotay but book Chakotay is... everything show Chakotay should have been.  But he’s also been through hell and back and I love how Beyer used that experience -- and now Janeway’s resurrection experience -- to advance them BOTH individually and how that’s affected them as a couple now that they actually get to be that.

There’s so much other good in these books.  Tom and B’Elanna’s storyline and the way she writes them and their marriage... I could write so much about it.  Harry gets better characterization!  A plotline!  A promotion!  A love interest that may actually work out?!!? We’ll see.  And SEVEN. Wow. So much happens with Seven and it’s so great, I love her so much and Book Seven is again, even better.

Two more books have come out since the last time I read the series and the final book comes out next month, I can’t wait to see all the great moments Beyer has coming up for them.  It also makes me twice as happy that Beyer is so involved with Picard. It’s so clear the love she has for these two and I can’t imagine J/C not still being Alpha canon with her involved.

[the-director]

Star trek voyager and the adventure zone balance crossover part 1

I have been a fan of star trek voyager for as long as i can remember. And i mean that quite literally! I once wrote about Captain Janeway in elementary school and how she was my role model. That aside ever since i got to Stolen century in taz balance i noticed the similarity with Voyager. Both stories were about traveling unknown space trying to get home. So i had an idea, what if i put the voyager cast into this scenario? Except its a little different. There are a few things i still havent thought of so feel free to comment if you have ideas.

(Massive spoilers for Voyager and The adventure zone balance, you have been warned)

First off characters!

Janeway as,,, Lucretia!

Even though Davenport is the captain I think having Janeway as Lucretia would be better. Throughout Voyager, Janeway has had to make difficult decisions like that one time there was two voyager ships and she had to decide which crew would die and which would live. Or the year of hell, (which is similar with Lucretia, that one year where she was alone after the judges turned everyone to stone). Janeway i think would be the only character that would make the same decision Lucretia does.

Im still dabbling with having Chakotay or Tuvok as Davenport. Both characters are extremely close to Janeway, and are her right hands. A big thing about Davenport however is that he was really obsessed with his work, as the only thing left from the memory wipe was his name. Tuvok would fit this despite having a family and a personality.

Next up Neelix as Merle!

This one is the one I am most confident about. Neelix is an interesting character, one of my favourites (when he isnt jealous over tom). I think the peak of his character is in (i cant remember the name) the one episode where he had to take care of naomi wildman while her mother was on an away mission. Throughout the whole episode he tries to lie to her, not realizing that the reason why he does this is because he pretends his family is fine when they are already dead. Neelix i find is a character that has endured a lot. He has been through a war, and when he came back his whole family was dead. Then he traveled space, trading with people probably getting into all sorts of trouble. But despite all of this, he still has a smile. Hes the morale officer for petes sake! He's the ambassador. Merle's title is the mediator. I dont know much about words but I'd say those two are similar. I see merle as three things, a father, a healer, and a friend. His kids are important, and hes the dad of the group. He is the cleric, and is SUPPOSED to heal them. Though he does heal them through his kindness. And then a friend to John, the main villain of the entire show. The final thing is why i think Neelix fits as Merle. From all his talks with Tuvok and experience as morale officer. I think he's the only character who could say the same thing merle did. "What brings me joy is...life. I think you can find joy anywhere in life. I think its a conscious choice. I think you choose joy in life. And no matter how bad things are, no matter how crummy, no matter how dark- -You find joy- -I find joy whatever i do. I dont always do things right. And i dont always do things smart. But whatever i do i find joy in it. Because at the end of the day, thats all you got"

Speaking of John who shall he be? I debated this a lot. Story wise the best fit would be Seven of nine. In voyager one of if not the main villain was the borg and its queen. In balance the main villain is the hunger. Both are collectives, that add more people into itself. And both have people that represent it. When they first met Seven she was picked as a representive of the borg. Though if merle did parlay with the borg, the queen would probably be picked out. The thing is that while John and Merle were able to become friends I dont think the borg queen would be interesting. Though if john was merle than Janeway would probably be more like a Merle than Neelix. However at the time of my rewatching of voyager seven and Janeway are bumping heads a lot. I think it would be fun to see a conversation between Neelix and Seven.

This post is getting kind of long so i shall continue in part 2.

[ljones41]

"STAR TREK VOYAGER" RETROSPECTIVE (6.14) "Memorial"

"STAR TREK VOYAGER" RETROSPECTIVE (6.14) "Memorial" I have never been a fan of "STAR TREK VOYAGER"’s Season Six. It is my second least favorite season of the series, following Season One. But I am not here to discuss the show’s sixth season. Instead, I want to discuss one of the season’s episodes – namely (6.14) "Memorial". Despite being part of a mediocre season, I consider this episode to be one of the series’ best.

"Memorial" is an excellent episode that seemed to be – at least in my opinion – misunderstood by many Trek fans. In this tense story, Commander Chakotay, Ensigns Tom Paris and Harry Kim, and Neelix return to Voyager following a two-week Away mission in search for dilithium ore. Upon their return to the ship, the quartet begin experiencing flashbacks, anxiety attacks and hallucinations of a battle they had never fought. Investigations of their flashbacks eventually lead the crew to a planet called Tarakis, where a massacre of civilian settlers called the Nakan had occurred centuries ago. Upon Voyager’s approach to Tarakis, the majority of the crew began experiencing similar flashbacks of the massacre. Including the ship’s commander, Captain Kathryn Janeway. The crew finds a memorial to the massacre on the now-deserted planet, which transmits neurogenic pulses that create false memories.  The memories were intended to ensure that those who came near Tarakis would not forget what happened there. The crew eventually discovers that the memorial’s transmitter is failing and Janeway considers letting it go offline to spare others the psychological trauma to which the crew was subjected. In the end, however, she decides to repair the memorial because the massacre is too important to forget. Many Trek fans have expressed dislike of the Tarakis using the memorial to  share their guilt to passing strangers in such a forceful and unwanted manner. Many have also disagreed with Janeway’s decision to repair the memorial, instead of destroying it. On one level, I had shared their feelings. I commended the Tarakis for facing their crimes and guilt. But their decision to expose their guilt by forcing innocent travelers to relive their crimes with the neurogenic memorial made me wonder if the Tarakis ever truly learned anything from the massacre of the Nakan. But what many Trek fans and critics had failed to realize that Neelix was the only one who had supported Janeway’s decision to keep the memorial operational and intact. This is not surprising, considering that his species, the Talaxians, had came dangerously close to being wiped out in a past war.  I wondered if anyone had also remembered that by the end of the episode; Chakotay, Paris and Kim had all expressed dislike and disapproval of Janeway’s decision. They only helped to repair the memorial, because Janeway had ordered them to do so. I suspect that the episode’s writers, Brannon Braga and Robin Burger, had ended it with two opposing views in order for the audience to form their own judgment. Another matter from the episode had drawn a response from the fans. Many expressed negative reactions to the argument between Voyager’s two lovebirds - the traumatized Tom Paris and Lieutenant Junior Grade B’Elanna Torres. The fans criticized Paris for pushing B’Elanna away when she tried to help him deal with his memories from the memorial.  Perhaps Paris had been wrong to push her away.  On the other hand, I wish that someone had stopped Torres from seeking him out in the first place. Or at least convince her to leave him in peace for a while. I realize that Torres only wanted to help the man she loved, but he was not ready to share his memories of the Tarakis massacre with anyone. Including her. His memories of the massacre were too traumatic and too soon for him to deal with. One cannot force another to deal with a trauma if he or she is not ready to do so. If Torres had attempted to talk with Chakotay or Kim, I suspect that she would have encountered a similar rebuff. As I had stated before, "Memorial" is an excellent episode. Highlights from the episode include the quartet’s comedic return to Voyager, Torres’ surprise for Paris – a mid-20th century television set, their subsequent quarrel over Paris’ memories, Neelix’s breakdown in the Mess Hall, and his later conversation with the former Borg Seven-of-Nine. I found Harry Kim’s memories of an encounter with a pair of Nakin refugees inside a cave the most chilling moment in the entire episode. The episode also benefited from some superb performances from the cast - especially from Robert Duncan McNeill, Roxann Dawson, Garrett Wang, Ethan Phillps, and guest star Lindsay Ginter. 

However, "Memorial" does have a major flaw. The episode had never revealed what happened to Paris and Torres following their argument. Even worse, Berman and Braga’s writers had failed to follow up on this storyline in any of the following episodes. The series’ fans finally learned that the pair’s estrangement had ended by a later episode titled (6.20) "Good Shepherd". Only viewers had  never learned the details of their reconciliation. Despite this obvious flaw, I believe that "Memorial" is a first-rate episode from “STAR TREK VOYAGER”.  Not only do I consider it one of the best from Season Six and the entire series, but also one of the most interesting from the entire Trek franchise.

[fate-motif]

let’s talk about how while, out of universe, the writers constantly try to push for the status quo of ‘harry kim is the poor dumb naïve little ensign’ up to the final season of voyager, you can definitely see a subtle interpretation of the in-universe condescension of the voyager crew on harry kim across the seasons and it’s clearest in the episodes harry is in command, and in timeless

future’s end has harry kim in command and it’s a fine debut for harry’s command career. he’s pretty cautious and a little hands-on, but hey, it’s his first time, and his caution is all for good in the end. the one time you kind of see a hole in his technique is when harry debates on whether they should go down into lower orbit to beam their crewmembers out. at first he’s very much ‘what would janeway do’, and then b’elanna points out he’s the acting captain. and immediately harry’s resolve goes away and he decides to go into the atmosphere. i mean, yeah, he definitely wanted to get his people out but also: it’s pretty clear some of that decision was because his command was questioned

fast forward to warhead and he’s insufferable in command. those little quirks in future’s end get ugly. he wants constant updates every other twenty minutes. he wakes up chakotay in the middle of the night for his opinion on what to do. and when janeway once again reminds him he’s acting captain, he caves to the doctor’s pleading of beaming the fucking bomb aboard because it’s meant to be his choice and if clearly what he wanted before was wrong and everyone is questioning his command, then maybe he should change what he’s doing.

it’s like that thing where you ask a hypothetical question to cement your already-taken choice and then someone goes, “well, what do you think?” as if you hadn’t ALREADY THOUGHT ABOUT IT. and then you panic.

what happened between future’s end and warhead? simple. harry’s been gaining experience and growing up and done amazing things and every relationship he has with the main cast (with the thankful exception of chakotay and every so often neelix) involves him being patronized to, by season 5.

janeway is still protective of him to the point of being unreasonable in “the disease”. tom sometimes puts himself on his level but often he’s too comfortable putting himself a slot or two above harry, laughing about harry’s romantic woes like he’s a silly, young kid, very clearly boxing him into being the buster keaton, the kid sidekick. and b’elanna has a cute older sister relationship, which really isn’t that bad, except...

we have tuvok, the doctor, and seven treating harry like crap, and the reasons why they do so are based on the same attitudes janeway, tom, and b’elanna base their relationship with him around: that he’s the kid. i mean, yeah, tuvok doesn’t hesitate to point out if anyone is illogical, but it clearly feeds into harry’s issues when compounded with the doctor and seven’s attitudes.

oh, man, the doctor. the doctor oozes the “poor, dumb harry” condescending attitude. the emergency command hologram wouldn’t dare get into a petty argument with chakotay or tuvok on whether he, a hologram with a bunch of past command decisions in his database as opposed to hard-won experience, outranks an officer of command who’s been on this job for years. but he’s sure fine with doing that with harry, who’s an ensign in-name-only and pretty much deserves the lieutenant rank even more than tom paris. (and harry caves into arguing because the doctor’s targeting his insecurities).

seven is an extra special case of “fuck you” because seven does everything harry does but gets more plot relevance because of her magical dea ex machina borg implants. and even worse, gets the respect harry doesn’t because, well, in a meta sense, she’s brannon braga’s favorite, but really. harry and seven are on every project together but these merits are only seen as such on seven. worse is how seven putting anyone else down is seen as kind of dickish, but seven-being-seven, while seven putting down harry is seen as hilarious, and everyone else on board sees that as hilarious. like, imagine being laughed at by everyone else every time someone who’s literally your equal but is seen as better than you puts you down.

neelix is an interesting case because neelix treats harry pretty much in the same way he treats the rest of the crew with middling level of command, which is equal friendship. but i just thinking about that one time in nightingale where he just underlines harry’s insecurities even more just because he couldn’t pick a meal. it’s sweet, his intention, but...still patronizing. i’d have to watch more episodes where the two interact, but it’s no secret i try to ignore any and all neelix interactions with anyone who isn’t naomi wildman.

the one real exception, as i have discussed before, is chakotay. and i really appreciate that at least one guy out there doesn’t demean him, actively or passively. note that even though harry woke up chakotay up because he had a doubt, he doesn’t go “oh, shouldn’t you know already?” he just says that it was fine, and not only allows harry agency in the away team, he offers himself as support without judging. (in tumblr lingo, he’s supporting him as valid.) most importantly, the way they act outside the bridge is entirely as equals, because chakotay has a habit of personally befriending his crew left from the maquis days, and that balances it out on most accounts. i mean yeah, not that that’s a good or healthy habit outside voyager’s special situation, but really. chakotay balances out being his commanding officer with being his friend and gives him dignity on both accounts. so it’s not impossible, and the rest of the crew should know that.

harry gets no respect even though he deserves it. but judging by the way people treat him, he eventually wonders whether he does deserve it.

god damn it, the clown hit harry right in the nuts. i. hate. that. fucking. clown.

harry’s insecurities, fueled by everyone’s dismissal and condescension, come out in two ways: the one we’ve seen most - which is harry compulsively doubting himself whenever his ability to command comes into question - and then another we saw with catastrophic consequence: harry being unusually stubborn and defending choices which may be questionable, but delegating would be taking once again the role of the inexperienced, and relegate himself to being the baby again, when he knows he’s anything but.

this later display of doubt is best exemplified in the episode timeless, which i have referred to before as the episode which points out how harry’s one of the most valuable members of voyager. it was a really bad choice for harry to just go ahead and mcgyver corrections on the fly, but this was his project, his and seven’s and he wasn’t going to have the instability of the slipstream drive pinned on him. no. everyone doubts him too much already. and thus he goes on with the decision to duct-tape his little experiment, and everyone dies. harry being prone to letting his emotions get away with him whenever his competence is called in question is truly a danger when he’s a defining member of voyager.

but while he does need to work on being objective in his command decisions regardless of others’ opinions of him, he doesn’t deserved to be demeaned for so long and so constantly  and voyager’s attitude with him sucks.

if you grow and adapt and change and learn through the years and everyone still treats you like a kid, you either wonder whether something is wrong with them, or something’s wrong with you. clearly, by season 4 harry’s pretty fed up with tuvok’s put-downs, but this is harry kim. he’s not going to hate everyone forever for not treating him with dignity. so eventually, he’s going to wonder if something’s wrong with him. and that’s exactly why his insecurities concerning his maturity are such a sore point for him and only get worse as the series progresses. especially in command, which is a role where wisdom and experience are absolutely vital, harry’s insecurities eat at his productivity, and it’s not entirely his damn fault.

and sometimes i wonder if this is all on purpose? but of course it fucking isn’t because this would have been said aloud, actually addressed, and the one to change wouldn’t be harry. it would be the others. goddamn. but the narrative only bends over backwards for the doctor whenever voyager needs to change their collective attitude.

tl;dr: i have made Gold out of Shit and b&b can’t stop me because they gave me the shit to work on when they should have provided gold in the first place

[ezrisdax-archive]

A concept: Ezri/Leeta but for some reason they're on Voyager not DS9 (either AU or come up with a reason they'd have been on Voyager for the Maquis mission) and fall in love while both coming to terms with (presumably) never making it back home.

oh man there's an idea (would ezri be ezri dax or ezri tegan? I'm going with dax just cause)

they room together cause they weren’t supposed to be on voyager they were only along for that one mission cause Leeta could talk to Bajorans and Ezri could act as a mediator

Leeta gets along so well with Neelix and Kes and still sometimes acts as waitress still but everyone tells her she doesn’t need to do that so Leeta is having a bit of confusion of what she’s supposed to do and has lots of talks with Ezri about it 

Leeta eventually ends up becoming like the person to make up holodeck stories because all those years growing up as a servant and a dabo girl and dreaming of something more have helped her with a great imagination and so she programs holonovels and argues with the Doctor about them

Ezri meanwhile is the counselor on board and gets along well with Chakotay and Janeway and is still trying to find herself instead of being just being a Dax but it’s a little easier for her without the shadow of Jadzia being over her all the time and she and Harry also get along great because they’re young starfleet officers trying to find their place.

The two of them grow closer still, I mean they’re still the people that remember ds9 most and have inner jokes about it and miss it and consider it home so they’re really each others homes in the meanwhile

as that grows they’re relationship grows and one time Ezri goes to the holodeck to see what Leeta’s created and she can’t hep but be proud at how much Leeta made and they’re always gushing to other people about each other and B’Elanna rolls her eyes at them because they’re obvious and oblivious

constantly in danger and always seeking each other out and they eventually just sleep in the same bed cause it’s easier to help the nightmares they sometimes get and it’s just a comfort really they both say

at one point something almost goes wrong with symbiont because Ezri gets bitten by a bug and that could kill the symbiont and her and “I don’t care about that you’re my last link to ds9, I care about you!!”

the first time they kiss it’s really hesitant cause Ezri Dax is pretty sure she kissed different than Ezri Tegan did and Leeta doesn’t care at all, she’ll help Ezri find who she is no matter how long it takes and loves Ezri, all the symbiont past lives and all

they get married and Neelix is Leeta’s bridemaids/best man and Harry is Ezri’s and Leeta drags Seven to their wedding so she can witness one and Ezri gets embarrassed cause Emony and Jadzia are complimenting her on Leeta and their wedding is Bajoran done because Ezri’s had enough Trill ones for a few lifetimes

when they do get back to the Alpha Quadrant even though they weren’t prepared for it they agree to go into the future together, be that DS9 or elsewhere.

[ricepips-blog]

The Game

(For @jhelenoftrek and anyone else who loves JC!) The air was warm and balmy on Janeway's skin as she approached the clearing, PADD in hand. She stopped to admire the view - this shore leave had been a long time coming, and like the rest of the crew, she was glad of some down time. She settled herself onto a naturally made rock chair and closed her eyes, allowing the warm air to soothe her frayed nerves and tired soul. Some quiet time, reading a book, gazing at a view that wasn't holographically made, was a luxury she had looked forward to all day. As she started to read, she inhaled deeply at the scent of the campfire wafting upwards from the camp the crew had created below. She sighed happily, it was times like this that you appreciated the small things in life. All the technology in the world couldn't compare to the smell of wood burning merrily. She could hear voices softly billowing upwards, and she tried not to listen in. The crew had no idea she was there and they'd feel uncomfortable talking freely if they knew she was listening. The sound of Tom Paris' voice was suddenly quite clear as the wind direction changed. He was obviously with B'Elanna and Harry - no doubt up to no good as usual. "Oh, come on, B'Elanna! Don't be a stick in the mud, it's just a game!" "A stupid game thought up by pigs like you!" B'Elanna's response was equally clear. "It's a bit of fun, come on! Harry, help me out here!" Tom whined. "I'm not sure, it does seem a bit...immature," Harry responded sounding hesitant. "Look, let's play it for a bit, then you can choose," Tom reasoned. "Oh, go on then if it'll shut you up!" B'Elanna huffed. There was the sound of glasses and bottles being opened and Janeway tried to get back into her book. "So, Harry, you first. Megan Delaney. Kes. B'Elanna." "What? That's not fair, you can't use people in the circle!" B'Elanna exclaimed. "Of course you can!" Tom laughed. "Go on, Harry!" "Erm...I'd snog Megan. Erm....marry B'Elanna and avoid Kes," Harry said after a while. The group below exploded into laughter and Janeway grinned to herself. Obviously playing an old Academy game. "Go on, Harry, set one for us!" encouraged Tom. "OK, B'Elanna, this is for you. Tom. The Doctor. Tuvok." Tom's explosive laughter followed, but B'Elanna's response was even louder. "You're a pig, Starfleet!" "Go on, B'Elanna!" "Kahless....I'd have to avoid Tuvok, I'd marry the Doctor and....snog Tom," B'Elanna answered, sounding like it was killing her. More laughter followed and Tom said something that made B'Elanna react because Tom yelped as if he had been hit. Janeway chuckled softly to herself and tried to focus on her page. "OK, Helmboy, here's one for you. Kes. Ensign Rowlins, Janeway." Janeway put her book down and sat upright at her name. She wondered if now was the time to make her presence known, but Tom was too quick. "Easy! Avoid Rowlins - not my type!, marry Kes, snog Janeway!" Janeway felt herself blush as if he'd just propositioned her. The laughter was raucous below. "It's the power thing! It's hot!" Tom was protesting as the others ribbed him. Janeway felt a laugh bubble up, but quickly quelled it. Suddenly, another voice joined in. "Is this a private party or can anyone join?" "Commander!" Harry's voice took on a higher octave. "Grab a beer and settle down, we have a game you might like!" Tom said and Janeway could almost hear the smirk in the younger man's voice. "Why do I get the feeling I should be worried?" Chakotay asked. "It's a bit of fun, come on, Chakotay. It's a nice night, we're on leave, nobody needs to be put on report!" Tom encouraged. Janeway put her book down. There was no way she could read now. B'Elanna was explaining the game, and to her surprise, Chakotay seemed happy to play. Harry was up next, Janeway could imagine his blush at his choices, but was also quite quick to chose. "I'm with Tom, it's a power thing," he explained his choice of marrying Janeway. She regretted not being able to see Chakotay's face, but he certainly made no verbal comment. She acknowledged to herself that this was doing wonders for her self-esteem, even if it was a bit weird hearing it. She'd thought of Harry as almost a surrogate child, clearly he was harbouring other ideas! Tom complained bitterly when he was put in a category with Chakotay, saying, "That's unfair! Look at him! How can I compete?" Chakotay's laughter floated upwards and he said, "Don't be defeatist, Tom. It's only a game!" The laughter and game continued and Janeway felt her ego growing each time one of her young crew members chose her in a positive way. She noted however, that Chakotay hadn't really taken part, until now. "Megan Delaney, Neelix, Janeway," he said and there was no doubt of the smile on his face. "What? Since when are we using the same sex in this?" B'Elanna exclaimed. "Not that I'm against that, but it's not my thing!" "Come on, it's just a game!" Tom reiterated. "It's not real!" "Too right! There's no way I'd really marry you!" B'Elanna spat. "Your words...they wound me, I know it's because you really actually love me!" Tom sighed and it was punctuated by a resounding smack. "Well, now my fist will wound you even more!" she snapped. "You have to answer!" Chakotay said and Janeway could hear the laughter in his voice. He had a wicked sense of humour when he was relaxed. "Is this a fantasy of yours old man?" B'Elanna demanded, causing the other two men to laugh heartily. "Just answer!" Chakotay answered. "Erm....well avoid Neelix. Obviously. Marry Megan and....snog Janeway" The men guffawed. "It's that damn power thing again!" B'Elanna protested. Janeway almost guffawed herself. She was by now floating on cloud nine. A few more rounds ensued where B'Elanna got her revenge, making Tom admit he'd snog Chakotay and marry Harry. It wasn't lost on Janeway that Chakotay hadn't been asked yet. Until now. "Right, come on Commander, your turn!" Tom crowed. "Let's think. Hmm, Kes. B'Elanna. Annnd, Janeway!" Janeway froze, her heart pounding and she strained her ears to hear his response. She was certain she had a good idea how he would answer that. And though she wasn't technically there, to hear it would be one of the greatest gifts she could receive. It would warm her for many nights to come. "Well.....I'd.....well, avoid Janeway....." Chakotay's voice was clear, if a little awkward. Up on the rock above, Janeway's world came crashing down. She couldn't have been more shocked if he'd punched her in the face. She reeled back and slumped into the hard rock behind her. She didn't hear the rest of his answer, but she heard the ensuing silence followed by uncertain laughter. The blood was pounding in her ears and she sat like this for what seemed an age. Finally, she pulled herself back and wondered why she was so bothered, but deep down she knew exactly why. Because she knew how she would answer if he was in her choices. Silently, she cursed her own ego and the constant need to have it stroked. "Pride comes before a fall..." wasn't that the saying? She was certainly in free fall now. All she had thought about him, about his feelings for her had obviously been an illusion. Stupid, vain woman! She couldn't take anymore. She gathered up her book and quietly slipped away back to the transporter site. Tonight, she would lick her wounds and tomorrow all would be the same. Only with the carefully hidden knowledge he didn't feel for her the way she had thought. As she approached her quarters, she felt dismay turn to anger. Damn him and his loosely veiled declarations! The following morning, Janeway gathered all her confidence and held her head high as she entered the bridge. Chakotay was sat in his usual spot, Tom at the helm and Harry at Ops. She summoned the feelings from last night, of how those two young men had made her feel. She sashayed towards Harry and spent time talking to him, appreciating the blush that spread up and over his face. She then moved onto Tom, resting her hand on his shoulder she laughed and joked with him before moving back towards her chair. Chakotay was looking at her with a bemused smile. "You seem happy today," he said, softly leaning towards her. She casually leaned back and offered him a knowing smile. "Did you enjoy your evening?" he asked. "I did. It was....enlightening," she answered. "What did you get up to?" he pressed. "Oh, I went up onto the rocks above the camp to read. It was....good for the soul," she replied enigmatically. "Oh?" "I heard the crew playing a game. It put a few things in perspective," she said staring him dead in the eye. It took a few moments, but he suddenly seemed to realise, he sat back in his seat. "Kathryn..." She leapt up from her seat, "You have the bridge, Commander," she said, louder than she had intended, drawing a look from Tom. She moved with as much grace as she could muster and headed towards her ready room. She slumped onto the sofa and rubbed at her head. She had only been there a minute or so before the door chimed. "Come," she called, already knowing who it would be. Chakotay stepped into the room and she noted he looked rather contrite. He stepped up to her seating area and stood at Parade rest. "You heard the game we were playing." It was a statement not a question. She forced a smile, "I did." He sighed, "Kathryn, let me.." "Explain? No need Commander. I have to admit to being a bit surprised...I guess I made the wrong assumption. After New Earth." "Kathryn....it wasn't what it sounded like." "Oh really? So what did it sound like then?" "Like I was...I don't know, blowing you off. I had no idea you were there." "Would that have changed your response? Actually, don't answer that, there's no reason to even be asking or discussing this." "There is reason. I want to explain. I want you to know." He was almost pleading now. Janeway didn't answer, but gave a brief nod. "It was just a game. It meant nothing. I meant nothing by my answers, except that I couldn't be truthful in front of them. Especially not Tom." Janeway had to concede that made an awful lot of sense. Despite them being on shore leave, he was still their commanding officer. Chakotay sat down next to her, hands clasped in his lap. "It wasn't the only reason..." "Oh?" "It might be just a game but.....when there's someone involved who you really feel something for, you feel the need to protect yourself and them," Chakotay's voice faltered as he spoke. "You were protecting me?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. "In a way, yes, though I had no idea you were listening." he sighed softly, "Kathryn, those were not my honest answers.....the truth is that the moment your name came up, the game for me was lost and won. It might be a game, but my feelings are real. There could only ever be you. I'd have to avoid you because I couldn't ever choose between the other two options. I want them both." Her head snapped up, heart pounding, hardly daring to believe he had been so honest about his feelings. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." His words were soft and honest. She dropped her gaze, "I don't know why it bothers me so much," she admitted with a sad shake of her head. "I think I know why. I hope I do anyway," he said softly, dipping his head to try and meet her eyes. She looked at her lap, a small tear spilling down her cheek, she gave a soft nod, a silent agreement. "Just know this Kathryn, any choice where your name is involved - it's a simple answer. You'd win every time." He reached for her hand, squeezed it and then quickly stood up. He strode towards the door before turning back to look at her. "Always," he said and then disappeared out onto the Bridge.

[voyagerafod]

Star Trek Voyager: A Fire of Devotion: Part 3 of 4: Sweeter Than Heaven: Chapter Four

Chapter Four

    Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay sat across from each other in the Captain's quarters over lunch, like they did most days, but today’s lunch was quieter than usual.     “It’s been over a week, Kathryn,” Chakotay said, finally breaking the awkward silence. “If either the Vaadwaur or the Turei were going to come after us they’d have done so by now.”     “You’re probably right,” Janeway said, taking a sip of her coffee. “Let’s talk about other things.”     “Like?”     “What are your thoughts on how the Equinox survivors are doing?”     Chakotay picked up a PADD he had put on the table when lunch started.     “It so happens,” he said, “I was planning to bring that up later myself. The engineering staff seems to think pretty highly of Marla Gilmore, though she largely keeps to herself. James Morrow has been getting by in the labs, also stays pretty quiet. Brian Sofin does his job equally as well as the first two, but is a bit more sociable. Word has it he’s got a friendship budding with Neelix.”

    “Wow,” Janeway said. “Making friends already? I’d hoped it would happen, but I also didn’t think it would happen this quickly.”     “Well,” Chakotay said with a wry grin, “remember how much you used to worry about the Starfleet and Maquis crews getting along?”     Janeway chuckled. “Good point. How long has it been since that was an issue for anybody?”

    “I don’t even remember, I’d have to look it up.”

    “Okay, so that covers three out of five. The other two?”     “Lessing is a little hard to get a bead on. He shows up on time, does his duties, then leaves. He doesn’t talk to anyone, not even the other Equinox crew near as anyone can tell. He’s not incompetent, but his department heads agree that he seems to be putting in the minimum amount of effort. He’s not being lazy, he gets things done when and how he’s told, but there’s a general sense that he could be doing better. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want to earn back any of the crew’s trust.”     “That could probably be guilt,” Janeway said. “Maybe he doesn’t feel like he deserves the second chance we’re giving him.”     “Seems likely,” Chakotay said. He sighed, then handed the PADD across to Janeway. “That just leaves Angelo Tassoni.”     “I’ve heard rumors. The word ‘asshole’ was used.”     “Sounds about right,” Chakotay said. “He hasn’t done anything we can actually throw him in the brig over, at least not yet. And he does show up for every single shift on time and does what he’s told, and does it well in all fairness. It’s his attitude everyone has a problem with. He comes across as smug, and several reports say that he still will try to defend Captain Ransom’s actions to anyone who tries to engage him in conversation. Even the other Equinox survivors don’t seem to want anything to do with him. I think we should consider reassigning him.”     “To where?” Janeway said. “The few things his file says he’s good at are things that would require more security access than I’ve allowed any of the Equinox crew to have so far. Short of just confining him to quarters, which I’d really rather not do when we’re still decades away from-”

    Janeway stopped as she noticed the lights in the room dimmed suddenly. She was about to ask why, when the ship suddenly began shuddering. The com chirped and Harry Kim’s voice filled the room.     “Senior staff,” he said, “report to the bridge.”     Janeway tapped her com badge. “On our way.”

---

    Chakotay wondered if maybe he’d been wrong about the Vaadwaur not coming after them, but if it were an attack, Harry would’ve given the order to go to battle stations first. He followed Janeway out of her quarters, and the two quickly made their way to the bridge, where Harry gave up the center chair as soon as they arrived. Both Tom Paris and Tuvok were already at their stations.

    “Report,” Janeway said.     “We’ve got level nine gravimetric distortions closing on our position,” Harry said.

    “They appear to be emanating from subspace,” Tuvok said.

    “On screen,” Janeway said. The viewscreen showed space distorting behind Voyager, close enough that the ship’s own nacelles were in frame of the visual sensors. “Shields.”     “Already done,” Harry said.     The distortion on the viewscreen soon changed as the distortion completed its exit from subspace. Glowing bright orange and roughly oval shaped, it seemed to emit both flames and electrical sparks. It appeared to be following Voyager, but for some reason all Chakotay could think was that the distortion looked familiar somehow. Not in the sense that he had seen it personally, but perhaps in a textbook or an archive video.

    “I can’t outrun this thing at impulse,” Tom said. “It’s catching up.”     “Go to warp,” Janeway said.

    “It’s disrupting our warp field,” Tom said.

    “Seven of Nine to the bridge,” Chakotay heard over the com. “I’m observing the situation from astrometrics. I recognize this anomaly from my time as a drone. We called it Spatial Anomaly 521. It’s attracted to objects that emit electromagnetic energy. I strongly advise we cut power and reverse our shield polarity.”     “Do it,” Janeway said without hesitation. The ship’s shuddering briefly got worse, then tapered off as the viewscreen showed the anomaly glide right past them.

    “That was close,” Tom said. “If it had caught up to us the gravimetric forces would’ve ripped our hull right off.”

    Chakotay began tapping away on the console by his arm, pulling up images from Starfleet records regarding gravimetric anomalies. It didn’t take him long to find what he was looking for.     “I was right,” he said.     “Commander?” Janeway said.     “I’ve seen this before too. In history books. It’s called a graviton ellipse. It travels through subspace. The Federation database confirms it. Look.” He shifted his monitor so the captain could see it.     “I’ll be damned,” she said. “It’s only been observed a handful of times. Looks like we get to add another encounter to the record.”

    “Unless there’s more than one of these, Captain,” Chakotay said, “we just found the ellipse that took the Ares Four. It was a ship from one of the early Mars missions. Its command module and pilot, Lieutenant John Kelly, were engulfed by a phenomenon that looked just like that one, according to the records we have available from 2032.”

“I remember reading about that,” Tom said. “The two other astronauts were stranded there for weeks before a rescue ship arrived. I didn’t know you read about the Mars missions too, Commander.”

“I’ve spent some of my spare time reading up on pre-Federation Earth history,” Chakotay said. “I guess I can blame you for that, Tom. You’re history buff ways have rubbed off on me.”

“You’re welcome,” Tom said, smirking.

“Captain,” Chakotay continued, “no one has ever gotten this close to a graviton ellipse and lived to talk about it. This could be a remarkable opportunity.”     Janeway smiled and nodded. “Take us down to Yellow Alert. Keep our power output at minimal levels. Match the ellipse’s course and speed but keep a safe distance.”     “Yes, Captain,” Tom said.

“I suggest we launch a probe,” Chakotay said. “and maybe see what makes this thing tick.”     “Better make it quick,” Janeway said. “There’s no telling when our friend here is going to burrow back into subspace.”  

---

    Seven of Nine could not remember a time when she had seen Commander Chakotay quite so enthusiastic about something, especially not something relating to old Earth history. That had always seemed to be Ensign Paris’ field of interest. The Commander stood next to her now in astrometrics, waiting for the telemetry from the probe they’d sent into Anomaly 521.

    “Ah, there we are,” Chakotay said, and Seven turned her gaze away from the screen to look at him and his console. “It appears to have entered a stable state, obviously temporary based on what we already know. Gravimetric forces appear to be negligible while in this state.”     “The eye of the storm?” Seven said.     “Good metaphor,” Chakotay said. “Computer, run a multispectral analysis of the anomaly's core.”     “Analysis in progress,” the computer voice said.     “The Borg developed shields to get through the gravimetric currents,” Seven said. “But they intended to use them to dissipate the anomaly from within. I would need to modify the designs if we intend to explore the anomaly rather than destroy it.”     “I don’t know if we’ll be doing either,” Chakotay said. “Might be too risky. Though I won’t lie, if I had the chance to fly through that thing, just once, I’d probably take it. I’m a bit surprised the Borg were so interested in destroying it rather than learning how it operated. Seems to contradict their stated goals.”     Seven sighed. “Don’t even get me started,” she said quietly.     “Core analysis complete,” the computer said.     Seven and Chakotay both began going over the collected data as it appeared on both their monitors.     “There are more than 2.8 Billion compounds in the core,” Seven said, openly showing surprise. “Fascinating.”     “The computer’s isolated several synthetic alloys native to my home sector,” Chakotay said.     “It could be this Ares Four you mentioned earlier,” Seven said. She saw Chakotay looking up at the graphic representation of the graviton ellipse, smiling slightly.     “Could be,” he said. “An amazing discovery, don’t you think, Seven?”     Seven of Nine was not as interested in Earth history as Chakotay or Mister Paris were, and as such could not bring herself to share her shipmate’s enthusiasm. Luckily, she knew better than to say so out loud.     “Quite,” she said.

---

    Later that day, in the briefing room, after the senior staff along with Seven had been filled in on the details of the Ares Four, Chakotay asked Seven about what she’d said to him in astrometrics about the Borg seeking a way inside the graviton ellipse.     “Do you think you could apply those shield enhancements to the Delta Flyer?” he said.     “I believe I could, yes,” Seven said. “Though I should note for the records the risks involved in going in there after the Ares Four commend module, as its value would be purely historical.”

    “Your concerns are noted, Seven,” Janeway said.

    “By my calculations,” Tuvok said, “we have less than sixteen hours before the anomaly returns to subspace.”     “We’ll have to work quickly then,” Janeway said. Chakotay was sure he heard a hint of excitement creeping into her voice. He couldn’t help but smile. The Captain had seemed to have been going through the motions the past several months. Her funk was not quite as severe as what she’d went through during their time in dark space last year, but she still seemed to be feeling emotional after effects of everything that had happened with the Equinox.     “An engineering team could help me modify the Flyer’s shields more quickly, Captain,” Seven said, bringing Chakotay’s attention back to the matter at hand.     “Agreed. B’Elanna, I want you and Vorik to help Seven,” Janeway said.     “Aye, Captain,” B’Elanna said.     “Tom,” Janeway said, “review the database from the Ares Four mission. It might tell us something about this anomaly we’ve missed.” Janeway smiled as she glanced knowingly at Chakotay. “Now, we’re going to need a mission leader,” she said.     “I volunteer,” Chakotay said, not needing any further prompting.     “I thought you might,” Janeway said. “Let’s do it.”

    Tom chuckled. “Beat me to the punch, Commander.”     “Don’t worry, Tom,” Chakotay said. “We’ll be taking the Flyer in. Can’t do that without her pilot now can we?”

    “Two history buffs in one shuttle?” Tom said. “We’ll end up getting nerd all over the bulkheads.”     “Better nerd than testosterone,” B’Elanna said.     Janeway and Harry both started laughing, while Tuvok merely raised an eyebrow. Seven just smirked and shook her head while tapping out calculations on a PADD.     “Okay, enough small talk,” Janeway said. “Get to work. Dismissed.”

---

    “Thanks for agreeing to this, Commander,” Samantha said as Naomi moved to get a better view of the screen in astrometrics. “She heard about the Ares Four and the mission to recover the command module, and now all of a sudden Earth history is her passion. This week, anyway.”     “Mom,” Naomi said defensively.     Chakotay simply laughed. “No problem,” he said, “though since this is a time sensitive mission, Tom and I will be picking up from where we left off in the records instead of starting over.”     “That’s okay,” Naomi said.     “You’re welcome to stay too of course, Sam,” Tom said.     “Sure,” Samantha said, shrugging, and moving to take a seat on the floor next to her daughter.

    The video in the center of the screen, surprisingly clear given how old it was began playing and the man who Samantha had figured was John Kelly, began describing what he was seeing, a view that the recording device was not picking up.     “It’s not a solar flare,” Kelly said. “Wow.”

    “John, can you describe it?” a female voice on the recording said.     “It’s… it’s at least one thousand meters wide. Bright.” The video started to fill with static. Another voice, this one male, chimed in.     “Your transmission is breaking up,“ that voice said.

    “It’s generating an electromagnetic radiation,” Lieutenant Kelly said. “Interfering with primary systems. I can’t get away from it.”     The lights inside the command module dimmed, but for a moment the video cleared up. Kelly reached off-screen.     “Activating the transpectral imager,” he said. “I’ll record as much data as I can.” The image began shaking violently, and the static increased. Samantha looked over at Naomi, who simply stared in open awe at the historical footage, even though all it was was a human strapped into a chair, the way pilots were in the days before artificial gravity.

    “It’s right on top of me!” Kelly said. “I’ll transmit as much I can-” the video filled with static, and all audio stopped.     “NASA,” Chakotay said, “that was the name of the organization Kelly worked for,” he added, looking at Naomi and Sam. “they received Kelly’s last telemetry at 0922 hours, October 19, 2032. The early Mars missions paved the way for humanity’s exploration of space.”

    “And now the anomaly that he saw is here in the Delta Quadrant,” Naomi said. “Wow.”     “‘Wow is right,” Tom said.     “He was certainly dedicated,” Chakotay said. “His life was about to end, but he wouldn’t stop taking readings.”     “Like a real explorer,” Naomi said. Samantha put her hand on Naomi’s head.     “Don’t go getting any ideas,” she said. “Save the dangerous exploring for when you’re older.”

    The hiss of the door to astrometrics opening distracted both of them before Naomi could respond.     “Am I interrupting?” Seven of Nine said as she entered, visibly surprised to see Sam and Naomi here, but not letting it throw her off.     “Not at all,” Chakotay said. “Are the shield modifications to the Delta Flyer complete?”     “They are,” Seven said, handing a PADD to the Commander. “We’re ready for launch.”     “We?” Chakotay said.     News to me too, Samantha thought.

    “I asked the Captain to allow me to join the mission to ensure that the Borg shield modifications can be repaired quickly if any unforeseeable problems arise,” Seven said. “I do not believe it to be likely, but give the volatile nature of the anomaly, well, I believe the phrase is ‘better safe than sorry?’”     “Can I come too?” Naomi said.     “No,” Seven and Samantha said in unison, much to Tom and Chakotay’s apparent amusement.     “Please tell me B’Elanna and I don’t do that,” Tom said.     “Not that I’ve heard at least,” Chakotay said. “Back to the subject, I wish the Captain had informed me about this before hand. Tom and I were planning to go in ourselves.”     “It is still your mission, Commander,” Seven said. “I am simply going along as... added insurance.”

    Chakotay looked at Tom, who simply shrugged. “Alright then, welcome to the team, Seven. We’ll just need to see the Doctor before we take off.”

---

    “I’m preparing an inoculant to counter the effects of gravimetric radiation,” the Doctor said, holding up a yellow vial while scanning it with a medical device that Chakotay could swear he had never seen before.     I really should know what all this medical equipment is called, he thought. I might need to help the Doctor out in a pinch, or worse. After six years you’d think I’d know some of it already.     “We’re all finished here,” the Doctor said after having applied the inoculant to Chakotay, Tom, and Seven. “except for one thing.”     “And that is?” Chakotay said, anxious to get the mission started so he could see the Ares Four up close before it was too late. The Doctor went over to one of the bio-beds, and picked up his holo-camera off the end of it. He made a move to hand it to Chakotay.     “If you want pictures, Doc,” Tom said, “you could just come with us. You know as well as anyone that the Flyer can easily seat four comfortably.”     “I asked the Captain, but she wouldn’t let me,” the Doctor said, looking dejected.     “Just take the camera, Commander,” Seven of Nine said. “If you don’t we’ll never hear the end of it.”

    Chakotay bit back a laugh and nodded, taking the camera.     “Our focus will be on recovering the module,” he said as he put the camera into the mission gear bag. “But if we can get a few glamour shots of the inside of the ellipse for you, I’ll take them.”     “That’s all I’m asking for, Commander,” the Doctor said with that big smile he would always get; the one that Chakotay would find either charming or annoying depending on the context.     “Team,” he said, “report to the shuttle bay.”     “Yes sir,” Tom said.     “Yes, Commander,” Seven said.

The three swiftly made their way to the shuttle bay to board the Delta Flyer. After one last check-up of the shield enhancements by Seven, they left Voyager and headed straight towards the graviton ellipse.     “We’re approaching the perimeter,” Tom said, “in five, four, three, two, one.”     The small craft shuddered slightly as it passed through the outer edge of the anomaly, yellow and orange gases resembling dancing flames moving across the viewport. The shuddering got worse, but that was to be expected.     “Shields are holding,” Seven said.     “Gravimetric shear is increasing,” Tom said.     “I’m reading a spot up ahead with minimal disturbance,” Chakotay said. “Tom, go to full thrusters and punch us through. We’ll be safer in there.”     “Got it,’ Tom said. Within seconds, the Flyer stopped shuddering. Chakotay looked forward, and along with the omnipresent orange glow and flashes of yellow lightning, he could see debris scattered throughout the inside of the ellipse, much of it too small to ever be identifiable.     “Chakotay to Voyager,” he said. “We’re in. I wish you could see this, Captain. It’s incredible.”

“We’re all ears,” Janeway’s voice said over the Flyer’s com system.

Chakotay needed a moment to collect himself. He had seen some spectacular things in the galaxy, even before getting stranded in the Delta Quadrant, but this was easily among the most amazing.

“It’s very calm,” he said. “No gravimetric distortions. The E.M. activity is creating a natural luminescence. Tom called it ‘mood lighting.’”     “Hey, B’Elanna,” Tom interrupted, “it’s the perfect romantic getaway.”     “I’ll take your word for it,” B’Elanna replied.

“We’ve detected asteroid fragments,” Chakotay continued, “pieces of vessels, matter from every quadrant of the galaxy. Next time I lose something I’ll know where to look. The chemical interactions here have even created a primitive atmosphere.”

“Nothing you’d want to breathe of course,” Tom said.     “Some of the matter appears to be extra-dimensional in origin,” Seven said.     “Amazing,” Chakotay said.     “Indeed,” Seven said.     “Any sign of the Ares’ command module?” Janeway said.

“We’re picking up traces of the hull,” Tom said, “but our sensor readings are being refracted by all the debris in here.”

Chakotay thought he heard a slight hissing sound on the other end of the com.     “That was a gravimetric surge,” Tuvok said, “caused by the anomaly altering its course by .006 degrees.”     “Did you catch that?” Janeway said.     “Affirmative,” Chakotay said, “but we didn’t feel anything.”     “Makes sense given how deep you are,” Janeway said. “By our estimate you have five hours and thirty-six minutes before the ellipse returns to subspace. You better hurry it up.”     “Understood,” Chakotay said.     “I’m having difficulty isolating the debris from the command module,” Seven said. Chakotay thought he picked up a hint of disappointment in her voice. He wondered if maybe some of the crew’s general excitement about the historical find had rubbed off on her after all.

“I’m laying in a search pattern,” Tom said from the helm. “It’ll probably take a few hours to cover an area this large.”     “Seven, you and I can take that time to get some samples,” Chakotay said. “We’ll get a better idea of where this anomaly been.”     “Is that the best use of our time, Commander?” Seven said.     “Our primary objective is to retrieve the module,” Chakotay said. “but until Tom can get a lock on its position…”     “Good point. Perhaps we can learn something valuable to benefit Voyager in the interim,” Seven said.  

---

Seven ran a tricorder over several pieces of ephemera beamed aboard the Flyer from the inside of the graviton ellipse. Nothing collected so far had piqued her own interest, but the Commander’s excitement with each new discovery was palpable.     “The fossilized microbes in this ore,” she said, stopping to focus on one particular piece of debris on the table in the center of the Flyer’s back room, “appear to have had metallic membranes.”     “We’ve speculated about the possibility of metallic lifeforms,” Chakotay said, “but we’ve never discovered one.”     “We still may not have,” Seven said. “This is certainly strong evidence, but I would refrain from labelling it proof just yet.”     “Fair point,” Chakotay said. “Catalogue it anyway though.”     “Already done,” Seven said. “I have been doing so as I scan.”     “Efficient,” Chakotay said.     “Naturally,” Seven said, allowing herself a bit of pride, though careful as always not to be too much so.

“Is there anything you ever just wing, Seven?” Chakotay asked in a jovial tone.     “Nothing I’m allowed to disclose,” Seven said. Chakotay snorted.     “Okay, I walked right into that one,” he said. He ran his own tricorder over the piece of ore that Seven had found the evidence for metallic life on.     “This piece of rock,” he said, “is billions of years older than Earth. From a time when the galaxy was still forming. We’re scanning a piece of history. Maybe even the beginnings of life itself.”     “Put that way,” Seven said, “perhaps I should show this a rock a bit more… reverence than I have.”     “You’re under no obligation to feel as excited about this as anyone else, Seven. I’m just hoping to convey why I’m excited. I get the feeling you don’t always ‘get’ human behavior, even after all you’ve experienced.”     “That is an accurate assessment, Commander,” Seven said. “I apologize if I’ve been ‘ruining your moment.’”     “Not at all,” Chakotay said, before going back to scanning some of the other items. “You know, I could easily spend the rest of my life studying the stuff we find in here.”     “And leave Voyager without its First Officer?” Seven asked.     “I think you’d manage without me,” he said, “but don’t worry, I’m not actually going to leave. Just saying that I could. Paleontology was an early love of mine. I wonder why I let it slide as much as I have. I don’t think I’ve ever even talked about it with anyone on the Voyager crew, not that I can remember anyway.”     “Not as many opportunities to take part in dig sites when one is constantly on the move,” Seven said. “Were the journey to the Alpha Quadrant not the ship’s priority, I imagine you would have had a number of opportunities.”     “Good point,” Chakotay said. “though even before then, it seemed like something would get in the way of pursuing it. Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were younger, Seven? Before you were assimilated, I mean.”     “My memories of that time are sketchy,” Seven admitted, “but from what I can recall, I wanted to be a dancer. A ballerina to be specific. That is why on our early dates, Samantha would often take me to live performances on the holodeck.” Seven smiled as she remembered one performance in particular, the one where Sam had said “I love you” to her for the first time     “Have you pursued that interest in your spare time since then?” Chakotay asked.     “No,” Seven said. “I no longer have the desire to perform.” She sighed. “Just one more thing the Borg took from me I’m afraid.”

“Sorry,” Chakotay said. “Didn’t mean to trigger any bad memories.”

“No offense taken,” Seven said. “Samantha and I have had similar conversations before. I am at least grateful that Naomi will likely not face the kinds of impediments to her own desires that I did.”

“Amen to that,” Chakotay said.

The com chirped, and Tom’s voice filled the back room. “Head’s up folks,” he said. “I think we’re getting close.”

    “On our way,” Chakotay said, heading for the door back to the cockpit. Seven put down her tricorder, and followed close behind.

---

    Chakotay took his seat as Tom began filling him in on what the Delta Flyer’s sensors had found.     “I’ve isolated the module,” he said. “Bearing 39, Mark 1-5. There.”     Chakotay looked out the viewport, and almost gasped at what he saw. It wasn’t just the debris of the Ares Four, it was the command module itself, largely whole, with only a few pieces floating around it.

    “It appears to be largely intact,” Seven said.     “I’m reading hull breaches and corrosion,” Chakotay said, now looking down at his console. “All things considered though, it is very well preserved. I can honestly say I did not expect this much of it to be in one piece.”     “Agreed,” Seven said. “There is no way we would be able to fit that in our cargo bay.”     “Not without breaking it up into smaller pieces,” Tom said, “which I’m assuming we don’t want to do.”     “You assume correctly, Ensign,” Chakotay said. “We can use a tractor beam to tow it back to Voyager.”     “We’d have to extend our shields around it to keep it from getting more damaged than it already is on the way out,” Tom said. “Can we do that, Seven?”     “With some minor modifications, yes,” Seven said.

    Chakotay started to tell Seven to start working on that right away, but was cut off by the voice of Captain Janeway, hailing them from Voyager.     “Janeway to Delta Flyer. We’ve got a problem. The anamoly’s on a collision course with a dark matter asteroid.”     “Captain,” Chakotay said, “we’ve located the Mars orbiter. We’re adapting a tractor beam. Just give us a minute.”     “You don’t have it, get out of there. We have no idea how the ellipse will react when it collides with the asteroid.”     Chakotay felt his heart sink, and glancing at Tom he could tell the helmsman felt the same way.     “Is the tractor beam ready?” Chakotay said.     “About, sir,” Tom said, “but-”     “Lock on to it and take us out,” Chakotay said. It would be a risky maneuver, one that would probably get him chewed out by the captain later, but he wasn’t willing to let this chance go, not yet. The view outside the forward viewport shifted as Tom maneuvered the Flyer into position.     “Tractor beam engaged,” he said.     “Good work, Tom,” Chakotay said.     “Chakotay, you’ve got less than a minute,” Janeway’s voice said.     “Acknowledged,” Chakotay said.     “The module is slowing us down,” Tom said.     “Maintain tractor lock,” Chakotay said. “Seven, how long until we clear the anomaly?”

    “At our current speed, forty seconds,” Seven said.

    “We can do this,” Chakotay said, the ship beginning to shudder as it approached the barrier.     “Chakotay, status,” Janeway’s voice said. Even through the static Chakotay could pick up on the concern in her voice.

    “We’re on our way,” he said, not even needing to ask Voyager to know that he was cutting it dangerously close.

    “Almost-” Seven started to say, but was cut off when a shockwave hit the Flyer, sending it flying backwards into the anomaly, the inertial dampeners barely managing to compensate and keep the G forces from rendering them all unconscious.     “Tom?” Chakotay said.     “The tractor beam was disconnected by whatever hit us,” Tom said.     “The shockwave must’ve been the result of the dark matter asteroid colliding with the ellipse,” Seven said. “Had our shields not held we likely would’ve been destroyed.”     “The module?” Chakotay asked.     “Still there, looks like we took the worst of it.”     “Delta Flyer to Voyager,” Chakotay said. No response.     “We’ve lost contact,” Seven said. “I can’t raise them. Propulsion is off-line as well.”     Chakotay sighed.     “Damn,” he said. “This is my fault. I put collecting a historical artifact ahead of the safety of my team.”     “I can’t say I might not have done the same thing, Chakotay,” Tom said. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. Unless we die, then yeah, beat yourself up over it.”     “Gentlemen,” Seven said, “I suggest we focus on repairs. The anomaly is showing signs of returning to subspace. We have less than two hours.”

    “That might be enough time,” Chakotay said, taking his own look at the damage report. “The engines are in really bad shape.”

    The ship shuddered, but not the shockwave this time.     “A gravimetric surge,” Seven said. “They will only increase the closer the anomaly gets to its return to subspace.”

---

    The next twenty minutes were quiet and tense aboard the Delta Flyer, but Seven of Nine did not let it get to her. She still did not care for prolonged silence, but she also knew that the situation required everyone’s focus if they were to return to Voyager. There would be time to discuss how the mission could’ve gone differently later.

“Voyager to Delta Flyer,” Janeway’s staticy voice said over the com system.

    “Excellent,” Seven said. “I was concerned that repair might not work. Voyager, this is Seven of Nine. We read you.”     “Are you alright? What’s your status?”

“We’ve sustained heavy damage,” Chakotay said. “but we’re alive. It’s good to hear your voice.”     “Likewise,” Janeway said. “Give me a full report.”     Chakotay did so, not leaving out why the Delta Flyer had not exited the anomaly as quickly as it could’ve.     “Captain,” he said, “I take full responsibility for-”     “We’ll discuss that later,” Janeway said. “Right now, let’s focus on saving your lives.”     “We’re open to any ideas, Captain,” Tom said.     “We’re working on that. Stand by.”

---

    Chakotay looked at the chronometer. Only eighty-two minutes left, and still no solution. Each passing minute only increased his self-loathing. If he’d been on this shuttle alone that would be one thing, but thanks to him not one but two of Voyager’s best crewmembers were about to lose someone they loved. Tragedy compounding upon tragedy. At least with the comm channel open again they’d all get a chance to say goodbye if the worst came to pass.     “It may be possible to modify a tractor beam to cut through the gravimetric interference,” Tuvok said.

    “You’ll never be able to get it all the way through to the core,” Harry Kim said.     “Start working on it anyway,” Janeway said.

    “You said all the energy conduits are fused?” B’Elanna said.     “Correct,” Seven said. “We can’t get any power to the engines.”     “If the replicators were working we could whip up a new plasma manifold and be on our way,” Tom said.

    “Tom, this isn’t the time to be sarcastic,” B’Elanna said “we’re trying to… hang on, I’ve just been sent a message to my PADD. It’s anonymous for some reason, why would…”     There was a long enough silence that Chakotay was afraid they’d lost the connection to Voyager again.     “Well I’ll be damned,” B’Elanna said. “How does an old plasma manifold sound?”     “What?” Tom said.     “The message I got. It said the power distribution system on the Area Four module isn’t that different from the Flyer’s I ran a check on the schematics. It won’t be pretty, and the manifold would probably be burnt out by the time you got back, but it could be enough to get you out of there.”

    “Where is it on the module?” Tom asked.     “In a control panel in the main cockpit,” B’Elanna said. “I’m send the relevant schematic to you now. It was called an ion distributor. With just a few tweaks it could be modified to channel warp plasma.”     “Do you have enough power to beam one of you to the module?” Janeway said.     “Yes, Captain,” Tom said. “I’ll go.”     “No,” Chakotay said. “I’ll do it. I got us into this mess, it’s my responsibility to get us out.”     “And besides,” Janeway said, “If another gravimetric surge hits we’ll need you at the helm.”

    “Seven,” Chakotay said, standing up and moving towards the back of the Flyer. “help me into an EVA suit and beam me over to the module.”     “Understood,” Seven said, getting up follow him. Once they were in the back, Chakotay quickly began getting into the suit while Seven checked to make sure the oxygen tank was fully connected and fully stocked.     “Let me know when we are ready, Seven,” he said. He felt somewhat nervous. A part of him felt he didn’t deserve this chance to set foot on the Ares Four, a piece of Earth history, when he had so nearly gotten his shipmate’s killed trying to retrieve it. “Perhaps you should go instead,” he said, the guilt getting to him as he reached for the helmet.     “Commander,” Seven said, “don’t allow your desire for penance to cloud your judgement. Apart from Mister Paris, you are the one most qualified to complete this mission. Don’t use your guilt as an excuse to let me take away something that is rightfully yours.”     “You make that sound like an order, Ensign,” Chakotay said.     “Write me up for insubordination when we return to Voyager. The suit’s systems are all nominal. We can begin transport at any time.”

    Chakotay affixed the helmet, turned on the suit’s wrist-mounted flashlight, and gave the order to energize. Within seconds, he was inside the Ares Four module, the first living human to have done so in over three hundred years.     “Well, here I am,” Chakotay said, as he took out a tricorder and began scanning for the ion distributor. He also looked for a data port of some kind. Perhaps, if there was time, and if the module’s computer had held up well enough over the centuries, he could download all sorts of data that would be great for the history books.

    He almost gasped when his light shone on the center chair of the cockpit. There sat the body of Lieutenant John Kelly. It was remarkably well preserved, even considering the conditions on the module. He wondered if perhaps he could bring it back with him, so the astronaut could be given a proper funeral, but first things first. He attached a portable battery device to the ship’s computer, giving it the energy it would need to run. An active data file containing log entries from Kelly opened, but he muted the sound right away. He set his tricorder to begin a background downloading of the files while he continued to look for the distributor.     Perhaps, he thought, at the end of the day all of this, even the risk, will have been worth it.

    It took Chakotay a moment to realize that he had seen the timestamp on the recording before he’d paused it.     “Tom,” he said, “did you hear that sound before I muted it?”

    “Yeah,” Tom said over the suit’s com. “Was that a recording of Lieutenant Kelly?”     “Yes,” Chakotay said.     “Thought so.”     “Tom, that log entry was recorded inside the ellipse.”     “For real?”     “I’m surprised too,” Chakotay said. “Just like his crew on Mars, I’d assumed he’d been killed instantly. I’m downloading the files now while I’m still searching for that ion distributor.”

    “Wow. Just, wow,” Tom said. Chakotay had to echo the sentiment.

---

    B’Elanna Torres entered engineering. As was usually the case during a situation such a rescue op, all hands were on deck, including people for whom this was not their assigned shift. In some cases engineers were here on their day off, but not the one who she wanted to talk to. PADD in hand, she went over to a console where Ensign Vorik and Marla Gilmore were going over a simulation of tractor beam modifications.     “Marla,” B’Elanna said, “can I talk to you for a second?”     The former Equinox engineer looked nervous, and for a moment turned to Vorik, as if she expected him to protect her.     “Yes, ma’am,” Marla said. “I’m sorry if I shouldn’t be here, but Mister Carey told me this was an all hands-”     “It is,” B’Elanna said. “And stop looking like you’re expecting a punch in the face already, you’re making me sad.”     “Ma’am?”     “Look, I just want you to know,” B’Elanna handed the PADD to Marla, whose eyes went wide when she realized what was on it, “I think I know why you felt like you couldn’t take credit for your idea regarding using the ion distributor on the Ares Four.”     Marla looked back on Vorik, who raised his hands.     “I did not inform her, as per your request,” he said.     “Then how did-”     “You did a shitty job of covering your tracks,” B’Elanna said. “I can see why you chose the Engineering Corp over Starfleet Intelligence. Took me all of two minutes to figure out who sent this.”     “I apologize, Lieutenant Torres,” Marla said, her face turning red.     “In the future, Gilmore, if you have an idea to bring to the table just bring it. I get that you feel guilt about what you did on the Equinox, but that’s a good thing. Bad people don’t feel guilty, they just make excuses. And as for your face, so long as you remain Marla Gilmore and don’t magically turn into Maxwell Burke, you don’t have to worry about me punching it.”     “Um, thank you?” Marla said.     “We’re in touch with the Delta Flyer,” B’Elanna said. “So far the plan seems to be working. Just thought you should know. Good work, Gilmore.”

---

    Chakotay had finally found what he was looking for, along with some other smaller items that he stowed in pouches on the suit, including a picture of Lieutenant Kelly and his wife. That was the good news.     “Bad news,” he said. “I’ve found the distributor but it’s fused to the hull. I’m trying to remove it without damaging it.”     “Hate to rush you,” Tom said, “but we’ve only got fifteen minutes left.”     “Working on it,” Chakotay said. “In the meantime, I’ve found Kelly’s last log entry. I can play it over the com.”     “Go ahead,” Tom said. “Not much for Seven and me to do until you get back apart from keeping the Flyer level.”

    Chakotay reached over and flipped a switch on the console, and the video began playing.

    “All systems go. Watch me, Dad. I'm flying,” Kelly said, just before making a noise imitating a crash landing. “Bad landing. Call a MedEvac team. John Kelly's first flight, not exactly A-OK. Remember that, Dad? Jumped off the roof with a parachute made out of blankets. I guess I didn't calculate the aerodynamics. Of course, I was only six. I guess this is John Kelly's last flight. This time, I can't blame it on pilot error. This time, no regrets. What I've seen proves we were right to come out here. We're not alone, I know that now. The module's losing power. I'm taking life support off-line. Re-routing whatever's left to the imager. Keep it running as long as possible. Mission Control... Dad... Whoever finds this... Do me a favor. Take all the data I've collected. Put it to good use. I hope you don't look at this as a failure. I don't. Actually, I do have one regret. I never found out who won the World Series. I'm tired. And I can't..."

    “That’s it,” Chakotay said. “It goes blank after that. I- wait, hang on. Yes, I’ve got the distributor, and the download of Kelly’s database is almost complete.”

    “Hurry, Commander,” Seven said. “We’re running out of time.”     “Good thing I had this running the whole time then. Just a few more seconds, and… Done! Beam me back. No, wait, hang on one second.” Chakotay fumbled in one of the suit’s pouches and found a spare comm badge. Most Starfleet suits had one, just in case. “Lock on to my comm badge as well as the suit’s back-up. We’re bringing Lieutenant Kelly home with us.”     “Aye, sir,” Tom said.

---

    Janeway paced back and forth on Voyager’s bridge, waiting for an update from the crew members on the Delta Flyer.     “Paris to Voyager,” Tom’s voice came through with a bit of static, but understandable.     “Report,” Janeway said.

    “We’re trying to integrate the distributor. Stand by, Captain.”

    “How long do they have?” Janeway asked Tuvok.     “Four minutes,” he said.     After a silence that Janeway could swear she actually felt more than heard, Tom’s voice came through again.     “Paris to Voyager, open the shuttle bay doors, we’re coming home.     “Yes,” Harry said cheerfully.

    “Acknowledged,” Janeway said, letting out a sigh of relief.     “Laying in an escape trajectory,” Tom said, “and away we-” The sound of sparking in the background made Janeway tense up again.     “The anomaly is beginning to return to subspace,” Tuvok said.     “The Flyer?” she said.     “Eighteen hundred meters from the perimeter,” Harry said. “They’re cutting it close but it looks like they’re going to make it.”

    “Captain, the anomaly’s submerging faster than anticipated!” B’Elanna shouted from the auxiliary engineering console.     “Tuvok, are we in tractor range?”     “Not quite. We would need to get three hundred meters closer,” he said.     “Do it,” Janeway said.     “That’s dangerously close, ma’am,” Harry said.     “Full reverse thrusters once we have a lock on the Flyer,” she said. “We can do this.”

Voyager shuddered as they moved closer to the graviton ellipse, space around it looking as it had on the viewscreen when it was first appearing.     “I have them, Captain,” Tuvok said, several tense seconds later.     “Good work. Now get us out of here.”

---

    “So in the end, we collected sixty teraquads of data on the anomaly,” Seven told Sam as they walked toward the turbolift side by side.     “Impressive work, Annie.”     “The entire team deserves credit for the effort,” Seven said.     “Well, still,” Sam said.     “Will you be joining us on the bridge for the ceremony?”     “I don’t think so,” Sam said. “I’ve never been good at funerals. Even if it was for someone I never met. It’s good that Lieutenant Kelly is going to get a proper one though. His poor family back on Earth, three hundred years ago, they probably had a memorial service, but without a body I imagine for some of them it made it hard to accept.”     “Well, since I am attending, I suppose this is where we part ways until lunch.” Seven gave Sam a kiss on the cheek. “I will see you later.”     “See ya,” Sam said, turning to head back the way they come, as Seven continued on to the turbolift to the bridge.

Once there, Seven moved to join the rest of the senior staff as they gathered around Kelly's remains, which had been put into a photon torpedo casing draped in a Starfleet Command flag.

“Are we ready to begin?” Janeway said.     “The ceremony is being broadcast shipwide, Captain,” Harry said.     “Very well,” Janeway said, clearing her throat before continuing.

“Space. Literally it means ‘nothing.’ A vacuum between stars and planets, but by the same token it means "everything." It's what connects all our worlds; Vulcan, Qo'noS, Talax, Earth. Centuries ago mankind sent its first wave of explorers into that void, astronauts like Mister Kelly. They paved the way for the first colonies, the first starships for those of us who've made space our home. We commend the spirit and the bravery of Lieutenant John Mark Kelly as we commit his body to space. He will not be forgotten.

  “Oh, and one last thing. I don’t know if Mister Kelly can hear us now, but on the off-chance he can…” Janeway smiled as she put her hand on the torpedo casing. “The Yankees, in Game Six.”

[summahsunlight]

This Way Became Our Journey, CH. 2

Word Count: 4569

Pairings:Janeway/Chakotay, Tom/OFC

Characters: Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay, Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett (OC), Harry Kim, B’Elanna Torres, Tuvok, Kes, Neelix, the Doctor

Against her better judgement, Kathryn Janeway has taken her children with her on the trip to the Badlands to track Chakotay and the Maquis rebels. But when the ship is thrown into the Delta Quadrant, Janeway is forced to join with the Maquis in order to survive the treacherous, unknown part of the galaxy.

Kathryn watched anxiously as the doctor looked over his patient. His expression had not changed since she had walked in here and she was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to speak to her.

Julian Bashir straightened his form and moved about the biobed, reaching for a hypospray.

"Well?" Kathryn asked, impatiently. "Is it an ear infection?"

Bashir looked up at her and smiled warmly. "Nope, it's not an ear infection." Well that was a relief, she thought. Perhaps now the children could return with her mother back to Earth and she could forget that this had all happened and how many strings she had to pull to get the approval to bring them on the mission to the Badlands. "It's a double ear infection."

It took her a moment to take in his words. "A what?" she asked, blinking wildly.

"A double ear infection, it means she has it in both her ears," Bashir said, taking her hesitation as meaning she didn't understand what it was. He pressed the hypospray to little Ava Janeway's neck. The child was lying on her back, watching the Doctor intently, but not with nervous eyes, with curiosity. She was clutching tightly to a pink blanket that had been a gift from her father's sister for her first birthday. Kathryn hadn't been able to pry the blanket out of the baby's hands since she they had arrived in San Francisco and she had taken it everywhere since they began on this trek to the deep space station.

"It's quite common in young human children. They eventually grow out of it," Bashir was telling Kathryn, placing the hypospray on a nearby tray.

Kathryn looked dismayed. "Grow out of it?"

"Children who get ear infections usually are prone to getting them," he replied.

"Wonderful," Kathryn muttered.

Bashir patted the child on the shoulder and told her mother, "I've given her a pain reliever as well as medication for the infection. She's going to need two more treatments in the next couple of days. Your medical staff should have it on board your ship. She might be a bit fussy until it completely clears up."

Fussy wasn't the word that Kathryn was thinking of. Ornery, inconsolable, those were the words that Kathryn was thinking of. Ava had screamed pretty much the entire time she was awake on the trip to Deep Space Nine. The CMO on their transport had said she was teething and had told Kathryn to let the child suck on a piece of ice. When that yielded no results, Kathryn had turned to the CMO on Deep Space Nine. Needless to say the man had nothing to say that she wanted to hear. "She's okay for space travel though?"

"Oh yes," he nodded his head. "She should be just fine. Of course, if it is her first time being out in space for long periods of time there are other issues that you might run into. It could take her time to get her…sea legs."

Kathryn rubbed her temples with the tips of her fingers. I should just leave them with my mother. But she couldn't do that, and she knew that she was using the ear infection as an excuse to get the children on board with her. Her mother had told her as much on their journey to Deep Space Nine. Kathryn just wasn't ready to be separated from them for so long. "I don't suppose you know of any good baby-sitters who'd like to travel to the Badlands?"

Bashir looked confused. "Pardon?"

She waved a hand about, dismissing him. "Never mind, I'll make do. Somehow I always do, Doctor," Kathryn replied, picking Ava up off the biobed. As she turned to go she thanked him for his time and made her way through the crowds to where her mother had promised to meet her with Michael. Gretchen had insisted on going with them as far as Deep Space Nine and since she was the wife of an Admiral, Starfleet didn't mind offering her transport. Even though Kathryn never told her mother, she was glad that the woman had come this far with them, but now it was time to part ways.

Her mother had been supportive of her the past year and a half, trying her best to weather the storm with her daughter, but the time had come for Kathryn to start moving forward on her own. There had always been someone there to support her since Bryan's death. Gabriel, her sister Phoebe, or her mother, but if she was going to get her career moving again, she needed to get her personal life moving again, without the help of loved ones.

She was aware of people's opinions of raising children on starships and she was certain that she was going to meet aversion to the idea from her own crew, but they didn't understand the intense desire to keep them close, to not let them go.

Gretchen and Michael were waiting near by Voyager's docking port. The boy was playing with some toy starships that Gabriel had given him and seemed oblivious to all the people coming and going on the station. He was in his own little world, much like Kathryn had been at a younger age.

"So," Gretchen said, stepping forward. "What did the Doctor say?"

"She has a double ear infection," Kathryn reported. "But I'm told that my sickbay has the proper medicine for her."

"Are you sure you want to do this Katie?" Gretchen asked. "What are you going to do without childcare on that ship of yours?" Kathryn did have a baby-sitter, Emily Lenox, who watched the children from time to time when the Captain was in meetings at Starfleet Command, however the girl wasn't a long term solution. Gretchen had been the children's long term care since they were born. She had spent the entire trip out to Deep Space Nine trying to get her daughter to remember that. She sighed, "Really, I don't mind taking the children back to Indiana with me. I'm perfectly capable of giving Ava her medicine; I am after all the mother of two children."

Kathryn chewed on her lower lip for a moment. Then, "We'll be alright, Mom," she said.

Gretchen Janeway eyed her oldest daughter for a second. She knew this was hard on her daughter, her first deep space assignment since Bryan's death and Ava's birth. However, it wasn't healthy to cling to the children so tightly, maybe it wouldn't affect them now, but it would affect them in the near future, as they got older. But what would it hurt to let them go on this one mission with their mother, even if their grandmother highly disproved of children on starships. Sighing, she reached out and touched Kathryn's face for a moment. "You're just like your father you know that? Stubborn."

"I know," Kathryn answered, then with a deep breath she looked at five year old Michael. "Ready?"

The little boy's response was to eagerly pick up his small, starship covered travel bag. "Ready!" He hugged his grandmother good-bye and then slipped his free hand into his mother's.

Gretchen took in a deep breath to steal her self for the good-bye and gently hugged her daughter. "Just take care of your self Katie, and those babies."

Pulling away from her mother, Kathryn gave her a small nod, and together she stepped up to the docking port. As the doors slid open, she glanced back once at Gretchen, who gave them all a tiny wave and grin. "See you in a few weeks," Kathryn told her mother.

Gretchen nodded her head, and repeated, "See you in a few weeks."

Tom Paris watched as the attractive Betazoid pilot maneuvered her fingers over the computer console. He longed to take control of the tiny shuttle, even if it was just a short range shuttle. Up ahead he could see the claw like structure of Deep Space Nine. Standing up, he tugged on the uniform that Starfleet insisted he wear on this god forsaken mission and approached the pilot.

"Stadi," he said, coming up behind her. "You're changing my mind about Betazoids." He had always found their species, intriguing, to say the least, but this woman was nothing like the Betazoids he had known previously.

She didn't take her eyes off her work. "Good."

"Oh that wasn't a compliment," he said. "Until today, I always thought your people as warm and sensual."

"I can be warm and sensual," she replied, there was a slight smirk on her face.

"Just not to me?" He asked.

"Do you always fly at women at warp speed Mister Paris?" Stadi questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

"Only when they're in visual range," Tom flirted. It was a one way street though, she wasn't buying it. She seemed more interested in her work than in him.

As they came closer to the space station, Tom could see a ship docked there. "That's our ship," Stadi said, proudly. "That's Voyager." She steered the shuttle towards the vessel, going slowly around the warp nacelles, and then flying it out over the hull so Tom could get a good look at it. "Intrepid Class, sustainable cruising speed of warp 9.975; fifteen decks, crew compliments of a 141; bio-neural circuitry."

"Bio-neural?" he questioned, he had never heard of such a thing before. But then again it had been a while since he had been in the 'know' about such things in Starfleet. His father never told him anything anymore, in fact the man barely communicated with him at all.

Tom stood, moving around her chair, and leaned against the console, trying to get a better look at Starfleet's newest design. It was impressive, small but powerful. Stadi was still talking about the circuitry, something about it being more efficient and using gel packs, but he wasn't listening. His eyes were transfixed on a ship that Captain Janeway was never going to let him fly.

This thought saddened him, because he knew he was the best pilot that she could possibly have on that ship. He could almost picture the ship weaving in and out of the plasma storms in the Badlands. He had seriously doubted Janeway when she said that her ship could maneuver through them. But now, seeing it, he figured that ship could fly through anything, especially at the speed it could reach. Incredible, he thought.

The shuttle was soon docked and Stadi informed him that he had about an hour or so before he had to report in. He tried to get her to accompany him for a drink on the station, but she refused, telling him that she had some work to do on the ship before they left.

"Your loss," he told her grabbing his travel duffel and slinging it over his shoulder. With the bag firmly in place, Tom made his way out of the shuttle and onto the station. It was good to be out and about again, even if his freedom did have certain strings attached to it. It was better than being at that penal colony in New Zealand doing mindless jobs for the Federation. And if all went well, Janeway would give him a good review and perhaps he could get out on good behavior. There was no where to go from here but up, he concluded. And out of the Federation forever, he thought recalling his conversation with his mother before he'd left Earth.

Tom looked about the busy station. He had an hour to explore and do what he wished pretty much. The only place he really wanted to check out was the bar owned by a Ferengi civilian, by the name of Quark. A fellow prisoner at the colony had talked about it.

It was something to do anyways before he had to report to Voyager.

Stepping inside the bar he took in the sights, ordered a drink, dropped the duffel bag and proceeded to watch as a young Asian man was about to become a victim of Ferengi 'sales.' After several seconds of watching the young man fumble over his words, and the bar tender start to rant and rave that he was going to report the young man to his commanding officer, Tom decided to play the Good Samaritan and intervene.

With his mug firmly placed in his hand, he stepped up to the bar. "Dazzling aren't they," he said, reaching into the tray of stones that the Ferengi was trying to sell. He picked one up in his fingers and looked at it more closely. "As bright as a Kolodan diamond."

Quark slapped the stone out of Tom's hand. "Brighter."

"Hard to believe that you can find them on any planet in the system."

"That's an exaggeration."

Tom finished his drink in one swallow, informing the young man, who had called himself Harry Kim, that he could find the gemstones on a nearby colony, selling for little money. "How much are you selling these for?" he inquired of the Ferengi bar owner.

"We were just about to negotiate the price," the Ferengi replied.

Harry closed the tray in front of him and got up to leave with Tom when he said he was going. "Thanks," he told the new acquaintance, as Tom picked his travel bag up off the floor.

Tom slung the bag over his shoulder and smiled. "Didn't they tell you about Ferengi at the Academy?"

The two shared a few more good hearted laughs on their way to Voyager's docking port. Tom was pleased to find that there was one person in Starfleet that didn't know about him or his past; but he was sure that it wouldn't take long for someone to tell this young ensign on his first mission what he had done.

Once on board the vessel, Tom was surprised to find that such a small vessel had such nice corridors, not as spacious as a Galaxy class, but it was roomy enough that people could pass without bumping shoulders. The two made their way to sickbay so Tom could check in to see if his medical records had arrived.

"Can I help you?" the Doctor asked as Harry and Tom stepped inside sickbay.

"Tom Paris reporting on board."

The Doctor turned his attention to the hypo spray in his hand. "Oh yes, the observer."

"That's me," Paris said, maybe a bit too defensively, but he didn't care. The CMO obviously didn't think highly of him.

The Doctor glared at him briefly before going to administrate the newly modified hypo spray to his patient. The nurse was standing at the head of the surgical biobed, looking over some data on a PADD. She was a Vulcan and seemed highly uninterested in what was going on expect the patient lying on the biobed.

"As a matter of fact I seem to be observing some kind of problem right now, Doctor," Paris snapped, seeing the look on the Doctor's face. He had expected some hostile feelings from the crew of Voyager, he was after all a convicted felon, however, it didn't negate the fact that it still irked him that he was being treated with such disrespect.

The Doctor only glanced at him once while giving his patient the medicine. "I was a surgeon at the hospital on Caldik Prime when you were stationed there. We never actually met." Here he dropped any mention of the past and continued on his work and PADD in his hand. "Your medical records have arrived from your last posting, Mister Paris. Everything seems to be in order. The Captain asked if you were on board, you should check in with her." He finished stepping right into Paris' face.

The two men glared at each other for a moment before Harry, silent until now, spoke up. "Uh, I haven't paid my respects to the Captain either." He didn't know what Tom had done in the past to garner such feelings of tension, but he was going to do what it took to deviate it a bit. Where was the ship's counselor when you really needed her? Harry thought, eyes searching the face of his new friend.

The Doctor turned his attention to the young man. "Well Mister Kim, that would be a good thing for a new operations officer to do," he replied, before disappearing into his office.

Paris and Kim exchanged glances before they left the sickbay. As they walked, Harry Kim asked his new friend a question, "What was that all about?"

"It's a long story Harry and I'm tired of telling it," Paris snapped. "Besides, I'm sure someone here will tell you before long." The two men stepped into a turbo lift. "Come on," Paris whispered. "The Captain's waiting for us."

With a tug on her uniform to make sure it was presentable, Sarah Barrett reached out and activated the door chime of Kathryn Janeway's ready room. Nervously she waited to be admitted; this was their first meeting face to face. Rumor had it that Janeway had been presenting at her sentencing hearing, but Sarah had been going through severe withdrawal from the drugs that she couldn't even recall parts of the whole trial.

When the door slid open she was half expecting to see the children running around wildly, however, it was quiet, and the Captain was seated on her sofa reading over a PADD. Sarah felt slightly embarrassed that she thought Janeway wouldn't have taken care of her children first before getting to work, after all Cavit had mentioned that she had been busy taking care of other things when Sarah had beamed on board.

"You requested to see me ma'am," Sarah said, stepping into the room.

Kathryn looked up from what she was doing to see her new counselor standing there. She had only seen the young woman once in person, when she had gone to offer Gabriel her support at the sentencing hearing. The Lieutenant had changed since that hearing almost a year ago. Where there had been a broken and defeated young officer sitting in a defendant's chair, now stood a young woman who had regained some of her confidence. "I did," she replied, placing the PADD on the coffee table. "Commander Cavit tells me that you're already testing the waters, young lady."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I had to know where he stood on Mister Paris and our mission," Sarah told her, flinching slightly.

"You're not in trouble," Kathryn told her, standing up. "In fact, I like officer's who…test the waters. It's one of the reasons I chose you, Sarah. You were unorthodox in your days on the Explorer. Commander Fletcher thought very highly of you."

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am," Sarah requested, her eyes locking with the Captain's.

"Permission granted," Kathryn said.

"I know your relation to Captain Dawson, ma'am," the young woman said. "I'm sure that you took me on because you felt sorry for me and perhaps had some coaxing by Captain Dawson himself, but I'm not some washed up officer. I can do this job for you ma'am."

Kathryn cocked an eyebrow. "Well, you do like testing the waters, don't you?" The Captain crossed her arms over her chest for a moment. "And to clear the air, Sarah, I didn't choose you because of Gabriel coaxing me, in fact, he thought I was taking a big risk on you, only out of rehab six months, but your service record indicates you're worth taking the risk. If you perform like you did on the Explorer then I'd say you can do this job for me."

She gestured for the young woman to sit down. Sarah reluctantly did so, her posture still stiff.

"Do you want to know one of the real reasons I chose you Sarah?" Kathryn questioned her. The young woman nodded her head. "I chose you because of your study of the Borg. You spent months psychologically analyzing them, even going as far as to 'abduct' a drone, serving it from the Collective to see what happened to it. There were many in Starfleet that thought this a cruel course of action to take, seeing how no one knew what would happen once a drone was removed from the hive deliberately. Your work is well known throughout the Federation, even if it was a little unorthodox."

"I wouldn't compare the Maquis to the Borg ma'am. They are both entirely different entities," Sarah replied. "I'm not sure if my skills or experience with studying the Borg are going to help you."

Kathryn sat down on the sofa with her. "Maybe, maybe not. The Borg are considered terrorists for what they do; some consider the Maquis terrorists. Your thesis at the Academy was about terrorist cells on Cardassia Prime. You know how groups like this operate, you know how to get inside their mind, and that's what I need right now."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Would you like me to abduct a Maquis ma'am? For further study?"

The humor was not lost on the Captain. "No, that won't be necessary," she replied with a faint smile. "What's necessary is that my crew understands how these people think. They're different from us, Sarah; they don't have regulations like we do. They're unpredictable. I'm going to need all the help I can get.

"That's why you asked Tom Paris to come on board, isn't it, Captain?" Sarah inquired.

Kathryn nodded her head. "What about Tom Paris? What are your thoughts on him?"

"He'll help you Captain, if he feels he can get something out of it," Sarah replied, coldly. "I've been reading over his file, he's got the skills to be a great Starfleet officer, he just lacks the attitude of what it takes to be a good officer."

"I tend to agree with you," Kathryn let out a heavy sigh and stood up, Sarah followed suit. "The last of the crew has reported in. We're just waiting for the approval from Ops for departure. I'd like you to study any profiles we have on Commander Chakotay's crew. I want to know what kind of people I'm bringing on board my ship."

"Captain, speaking of bringing people on ship, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Why are your children here?"

Kathryn stared at her for a moment. Cavit had also informed her, when they had spoken about the young woman questioning where his duty lay, that she had also shown a displeasure in the children being brought on board. The Captain had been expecting this to come up. "I'm aware that you and other officers aren't happy with the situation, to be honest with you, neither am I at times. However, Lieutenant, my personal business is mine and mine alone. If I chose to bring my children on this trip, then I chose to bring my children on this trip, understood?"

Sarah nodded her head as the door chimed again.

"Come in," the Captain called out.

The door to the port entrance of the ready room swished open. Sarah watched as two young men strode into the room, knowing that it was Harry Kim and Tom Paris from the pictures in their personnel files. Tom stood a little ways behind Harry, his hands crossed in front of him. He looked as cocky and arrogant as his picture.

"Gentlemen," Kathryn greeted. "Welcome aboard Voyager." She gestured towards Sarah. "This is Lieutenant Barrett, ship's counselor. If you have any personal issues I suggest that you speak to her."

Harry looked exceedingly nervous, eying the Captain and Counselor. "Thank you sir," he finally addressed Kathryn.

"Mister Kim," the Captain addressed the young Asian man, "at ease before you sprain something." Tom repressed a chuckle as Harry tried to relax. "Ensign," Kathryn continued, stepping up to him, "despite Starfleet protocol I don't like being addressed as sir."

"I'm sorry…ma'am," Kim said, pausing briefly.

Kathryn nodded her head. "Ma'am is acceptable in a crunch, but I prefer Captain." She looked at Paris, then Barrett, and then back to Kim. "We're getting ready to leave. Let me show you to the bridge." Stepping around the young men, Sarah following behind her, Kathryn led the group out onto the Bridge. "Did you have any problems getting here Mister Paris?"

With one little peek back at Kim, Paris replied, "Not at all, Captain."

Harry Kim looked around the bridge like an awestruck child for a moment until he saw that the Captain was trying to introduce them to someone.

"My first officer, Lieutenant Commander Cavit," Kathryn was saying, gesturing to the graying man standing to the right of the group. "Ensign Kim, Mister Paris," she finished, nodding to each man when she said their name.

Cavit reached out and took Kim's hand and shook it. "Welcome aboard," he said warmly to the young ensign. There was however, no warm welcome for Paris. Cavit eyed him with a hostile look and only took his hand when Paris offered it to him. He didn't bother to say anything to the man though, and averted his eyes during the whole hand sake.

This had been the reaction that Sarah Barrett had been expecting from the Commander, and he knew it as well, because the moment he broke the hand shake and stepped away from Paris, his eyes flickered to her stern looking face briefly. Crossing her arms over her chest she watched as the man went to make small talk with Stadi, the helmsmen. The Captain was showing Harry to his station and Paris was standing near her, observing the silent battle going on between First Officer and Counselor. Glancing at the latter, he realized she was a pretty little thing, with a fierce look in her sapphire eyes. Her dark brown hair, which was almost black in the light, was pulled back into a tight French twist, showing off her perfect facial structure. In another place or time, Tom may have seriously thought about asking her on a date.

The First Officer was looking over his shoulder at Janeway, and doing his best to avoid Barrett's glare. Tom found it highly amusing how two small women had made two different Starfleet officers nervous; first Janeway practically had Harry quaking in his boots, and now Barrett was making Cavit do everything in his power to avoid her piercing eyes.

With a small nod of her head, Janeway had told Cavit what to do. "Lieutenant Stadi, lay in our course and clear our departure with operations," Cavit said, descending the steps towards the Conn station. He was happy to see that Lieutenant Barrett went to take her own seat, crossing her ankles and placing the palms of her hands on the bench.

"Course entered. Ops has cleared us," Stadi reported.

"Ready thrusters," Cavit ordered Kim.

"Thrusters ready," Kim responded.

"Initiate launching sequence," Cavit commanded. Kathryn sat down in her command chair. She leaned back in her chair, feeling a familiar exhilaration that she always did while starting out on a mission. It had been a long time since she had felt this way, a real long time.

"Sequence under way," Stadi's voice answered.

"Engage," Kathryn ordered.

The ship pulled away from Deep Space Nine, gracefully floating away from the structure like a butterfly, and flew off into space, in route to find the missing Maquis ship and their missing crewman, Tuvok.