#CashmereKore

[cashmerekore]

What to do?

I went to my Aerial Silks class for first time since being sick. It was only a week, but I struggled so much to keep up. I have always been the weakest link, but more so yesterday than usual. It had me thinking," should I quit?". I know the right answer is no, but I feel like I'm holding back the class. I like doing it though. I try to condition my body, but the process is slow. IDK. We will see how things turn out.

[cashmerekore]

Fed up

I'm drained and stressed beyond repair. I sleep, but I don't feel rested. I smile, but I don't feel happy. I breath, but I feel like I'm suffocating. My state of mind is just fed up. When am I gonna get some relief? FUCK!!!! I'm sick of the shit. I'm wish I was someone else. I'm just broken parts and shit. If I could start over or be reborn again , I would....... still be a fucking abomination.

[cashmerekore]

This is what I currently look like. I'm not gonna weigh myself because I don't t want my goal to be about how heavy I am. I want to wait for visual progress cause I feel better when I know it pays off.

[cashmerekore]

"Why you can't just face it?"

"Why you always gotta be so mad?" (Be mad, be mad, be mad)

I got a lot to be mad about (Be mad, be mad, be mad)

Where'd your love go?

Where'd your love, baby?

I ran into this girl, I said, "I'm tired of explaining"

Man, this shit is draining

But I'm not really allowed to be mad

- Solange

[cashmerekore]

Beautiful Glenwood Springs. One of the most fun and enchanting days I have spent with my love.

[cashmerekore]

Just a thought

I sometimes get the feeling that Im so blind with love that I don't ever consider that maybe I'm being played for a fool. Everybody goes through it. They fall in love, think their partner can do no wrong, and everybody else are the fools cause they don't have such an awesome partner. Maybe that is true, but most are just too naive to see the problems around them. It all just explodes in your face. The love is still there, but the truth is also there. Now you got to decide if the truth is something you can live with or not. The truth can be big or just a small thing. Doesn't matter though. You have to figure it out. Marriages don't have to last a life time, but that's the goal right? So don't you owe it to yourself to take that moment of reflection and decide for yourself if you want it? Nobody is perfect, but the imperfection is still beautiful. Is it beautiful to you? Your parnter's imperfections?

[cashmerekore]

The sun sets, and so does my vacation. I'm headed back home, and another few months of long distance starts. I will miss him, but I know it will be temporary.

[cashmerekore]

His Eyes

My man is quiet. Always has been since the day I met him. I was the one to make the first move. I did all the talking and flirting. He just went along for the ride. People on the outside looking in would see us and probably think im suffocating him with all this good lovin I got for him, but they don't know. He is actually the dominant.

So tall and lean, he gives off an aura of leizere and relaxation. I love that soft smile and his gentle touch. He addresses me as beautiful as if it's always been my name. But when I look in his eyes, shit gets hot between my thighs. Heat rushes my entire body and I always end up in a daze.

His eyes are like an ocean storm getting ready to rush over my entire being. His blue eyes stare down at me and I can feel the command for absolute submittion. And I know I want to. It makes me shiver when he looks at me that way. Makes me wonder what could he be thinking of to make him look at me that way.

Does he want to take me by my face and give me wet kisses? Or is that just me? Does he want to pull my shirt off and suck my nipples till they swell between his teeth? I really want that. Maybe he wants to turn me over a table and finger bang me till I cum all over his hand. I could only dream of such pleasure. The thought of him sitting up in a chair and him commanding me with his eyes to sit on his dick and make him cum, is enough to send me in a frenzy. I want him to want me this way. With passion and need. Like I need him now. I want him to tell me with his eyes.

[cashmerekore]

Today, my love took us to the Horsetooth Dam. It was so beautiful seeing the breaks in the ice and the mountains. I am always so amazed at the things he shows me. It's my first time for lots of things, but old hat for him. He says he enjoys seeing the excitement and surprise on my face. I suspect he likes being a no it all, but I let him have it though. I think it's cute. I want have a lot more firsts with him for the rest of my life if i can see that handsome look on his face. If I just hold out and stay strong until the end for him then maybe I'll acheive this kind of peace and beauty in my life like this mountain view with him.

[cashmerekore]

Blended Love

People ask me all the time " Have you ever had anyone approach you about your relationship?". To be honest, not really. It's not a problem like most people think. Maybe I've had it good up until now, but people are very accepting of what I have with my man. Once or twice it's happened, and yes it made me angry.

Why is it that people feel the need to tell me who I should love? It's not their fucking business. The world is so optionated. That can be a refreshing thing or it can be absolute bullshit. I'm not destroying the world around me with my devotion to him.

I can't help what color I was born. I can't change it to fit the world's image. I can only be me. I love my skin and being a black woman. I don't hate or discriminate others for what color they are.

Matter a fact, I love my man's skin. Its like porcelain stone. Smooth and white. I love his freckles and his red hair. The most amazing blue eyes always so hypnotizing. I love him just the way he his. And I love us.

[cashmerekore]

[cashmerekore]

Insanity

I'm on the cusp of losing my mind. I'm trying to hold the pieces together and not slap the shit out of everybody.

Why do I want to do that? Why do I want to throw shit off tables, break glass, and scream till my eye vessels explode? Am I going insane?

I feel like I'm hanging off the edge of a cliff and Im just wait until for the right moment to let go. I'm waiting for the boom. When that happens, will I feel a release of all this tension?

Something heavy is weighing me down and I'm like a rabid animal trying to push it off of me. Maybe that is what needs to happen. I need to let this shit go and let whatever happens happen.

I want to breath easy and be clear in the head, but the fog in my head is swirling like crazy. I feel like I I'm going insane. I think I already am.

[cashmerekore]

Im starting to like what I see. The belly is going down and my thighs and butt are tighter.

[cashmerekore]

Nothing like a little color to brighten your day. Take that however you want.

[cashmerekore]

Trying to out run my demons.

[cashmerekore]

Had a long night with friends. We played risk until 5 in the morning. By the time I left the house, it was snowing hard and the world was starting to wake up.