#Case and point: There have been many instances when I end up feeling like i'm not doing enough. This didn't happen before we worked on this

[idk-i-want-mcl-content]

Amanda: You should not hesitate to be yourself. You will find your place.

I'm still thinking about this Amanda dialogue, because honestly I really needed to hear something like this <3 so thank u Princess Amanda.

[corinthianism]

SOMETHIN' STUPID || VIKTOR

pairing: viktor (arcane)/fem!reader additional tags: viktor's pov, viktor is a certified yearner, maybe ooc, unrequited love that's actually requited, no physical descriptions for reader other than having dainty fingers and being shorter than viktor, hopefully correct use of czech pet names, barely proofread synopsis: the ever-brilliant viktor finds himself drowning in feelings for his colleague, so what does he do? bury them, of course.... until he learns that love is not something you can just ignore.

author's note: hello everyone! it's been a long, long while since i've written anything so i thought i would try and see if the ol' writing machine (aka my brain) still works lol. this is more of a blurb than anything so please go easy on me. also trying out something new by writing in present tense (lmk if it flows well!) viktor might be a little ooc but i'm still trying to fully understand him. hopefully my characterization of him in future fics (if any) will be more faithful to the viktor you're all familiar with. anyways, enjoy 2k words of viktor yearning like CRAZY 🫶🏼

Viktor doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. How many more times would your eyes meet from across the room at one of those parties he never really wanted to attend in the first place? How many more times would your fingers brush in the early morning, when he accepts the steaming sweetmilk that you so kindly got for him? How many more times would your laughter intermingle softly late into the night, when exhaustion took over and your writing started to look more like chicken scratch rather than letters?

He might just go insane.

How was it possible to want someone this much? Maybe he’s experienced something like this before, in tiny amounts, for people he hasn’t thought about in years. Deep down, he knows that even if he added all of those fleeting romances together, it would still only be a fraction of what he feels now. For you.

He can’t pinpoint that exact moment in time when everything changed. There were definitely a few of those moments that stood out more than others, but none of those instances were the catalyst for whatever this is. But they certainly don’t help his case.

A few words of encouragement.

A book recommendation.

A smile— so soft, so intimate, he briefly allows himself to believe that it was meant just for him. Something precious for him to keep, to be his and his alone.

In the dim light of the lab, he finds you asleep on your desk. The humming glow of the hex crystals leaves you blanketed in a gentle blue. He’s heard tales of this before, from when he bothered to listen to such things. It would happen just like this, they said: his heart would beat so fast, it threatened to leave his chest entirely. His skin would burn with something unmistakable, a feeling that left one in a state of simultaneous confusion and clarity.

He feels it all now and he finds it polarizing. It’s too much and not enough. He chases and runs away from it at the same time. A part of him wants it to stop, to go away and leave him forever for the sake of ending this game he’s painfully losing… but a greater part of him hopes that it will grow and grow to the point where maybe you’ll notice and do something about it. His palms get a little sweaty just thinking about making the first move. Symptoms of a lovesick fool.

The soft sound of your breathing quiets the pounding of his heart, prevents the wretched feelings from overflowing and spilling everywhere. Even if it was just for tonight. Tonight, he keeps his lips sealed, fights to keep himself from reaching for you. It would be unbecoming of him.

His eyes land on you again, observing how your head rested on your arms. Understanding hits him then, why you’re so bothered by seeing him stay at the lab so late that he ends up falling asleep. That position couldn’t have been comfortable. Of course, he knew that from experience, but it’s your comfort he’s thinking about right now. He wonders if this is what you felt whenever you woke him up and implored him to go home.

Surely not.

No, he can’t wrap his head around you possibly viewing that act the same way he does. Not when he wants to bottle this moment, wants to capture the preciousness of seeing you like this. It just can’t be the same.

So can you really blame him if when he finally rests a hand on your shoulder to wake you gently, he lets it linger there for just a little longer? An infinitesimal piece of time that he claims for himself. He never thought himself to be the sentimental type, but he cherishes it all: he cherishes the way you blink slowly as you returned to the waking world, and your tired murmur of his name that makes his chest tighten.

It’s just a wisp of a moment, never really tangible enough for him to hold in his hands, but he cherishes it all the same. It’s burned in his memory, in his very being, the same way everything else about you is. Every piece of you that you so generously gifted him.

“You should go home, darling.”

The word slips past his lips before he could even think about it. But he allows himself this one indulgence. He can’t help it. He’s always been a bit greedy.

“What time is it?” you ask.

“Far too late for you to be here,” he answers.

You huff out a breath of a laugh, “That’s rich coming from you.”

He finds himself smiling. How does someone manage to be so endlessly endearing without even trying?

It takes an embarrassing amount of effort for him to pull back his hand from your shoulder. Had you been more awake and had the room been brighter, he might’ve schooled his expression into something more neutral. Something to hide the unbridled adoration in his eyes. He doesn’t do that now. With the shield of darkness to protect him, he lets the mask come off. He lets his affection for you wash over him in waves. It would’ve been liberating, if it wasn’t for the tiny detail that that affection was unrequited.

Still, he says your name with utmost care. “You must go home and rest.”

To his surprise, you listen. You mumble a tired "okay” and gather your belongings, slipping on your coat. “You should go home, too, Vik.”

“I will. Soon. I just need to finish a few things.”

Your face twists into a frown, “No, you’ll do that tomorrow.” Before he can interject, you speak up again, “Just… come with me? It’s late and I don’t want to walk home alone.”

His brain refuses to reconcile with what his eyes see: the trepidation written all over your features, the way you clutch the lapel of your coat just a little tighter. He knows it’s a trap, you just want to get him out of the lab but how could he possibly reject the promise of a few more minutes with you? The chance to pretend, even if it’s just for those precious few minutes, that he was taking you home as someone more than a colleague? More than a friend? Only a fool would say no to you. Or perhaps he was a fool either way. He really must be going insane.

He says yes almost instantly.

It’s cold in Piltover tonight. It makes his bad leg ache more than it already does, and so his strides are a bit more careful. He doesn’t say anything about how you also slow down to match his pace but he appreciates your considerate gesture nonetheless.

The moon hangs in the sky big and bright, making everything around you seem softer. It’s picturesque. Almost romantic. He tries his best not to entertain that thought for much longer. Instead, he focuses on what you say to him so he could ignore the traitorous thoughts his mind conjures up and the way his knees were protesting because of the cold.

Conversation with you is easy— terrifyingly so. It was one of the first things he noticed about you when you first met.

Early on in the process of finding sponsors and securing funding, him and Jayce quickly realized that they needed help. Yes, Jayce is a friend of the Kiramman family. Yes, Viktor is Heimerdinger’s protégé, but they’re academics. At the end of the day, Jayce’s warm personality could only do so much when he was still greatly inexperienced with navigating these more political spaces and for all of his experience and perceptiveness, Viktor knows he’s no good at sweet-talking sponsors, either.

Enter, you.

Caitlyn Kiramman was the one to recommend you, her former tutor. Jayce was quick to back her up, remembering that you were also Academy alumni; a particularly strategic businesswoman. Viktor was hesitant at first, knowing that a third party could complicate things. Hextech was born out of the dream to help people. He worried that bringing business and politics (even though he knew it was necessary) into the mix would warp Hextech into something it wasn’t. Jayce convinced him to take a gamble, and it seemed that the potential of Hextech was enough to bring you back to Piltover from your travels across Runeterra.

It took him a while to warm up to you. You weren’t nobility, but most definitely well-off. Even more so after your years as a business consultant to organizations all over the continent. He respected you, sure, but Viktor had a hard time trusting someone who was so… privileged. How could you possibly understand how important it was that Hextech remained a beacon of hope for the less fortunate? Perhaps it was naive of him to think that way, as much as he hated to admit it.

But true to your reputation, you delivered exactly what they needed. You bridged the gap between Viktor and Jayce’s hopes for Hextech and the support they needed from sponsors, protecting them and their inventions from being taken advantage of.

Suffice to say, you earned his admiration.

Never in a million years would Viktor imagine that you would captivate his entire being, too.

It was daunting. Scary, really. Especially now that he’s beginning to understand the full extent of his affections. Years and years of burying that softness from his youth deep beneath the armor of his intellect— all that hard work diminished by a pretty girl. Gods, he really is just a man. Not even that. With you, he feels like a highschooler with a crush. It’s painful. Downright humiliating. But he wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not when you link your arm around his, laughing at something he said. Was he really that funny? Probably not. He’s just happy to make you laugh.

“You don’t have to be nice about it. Salo is a grade-A asshole,” you grinned. “We both know it. If I have to spend another dinner with him present I might actually stab a fork in my eyes.”

He smiles, “Ah, but that wouldn’t save you from his incessant chatter.”

“I’ll stab the fork into my ears too."

“I might just follow after you,” he hums, “you’ll have to check if it works first, though.”

Your friendship blossomed when your visits to the lab became less for work and more for leisure. You wanted to visit, wanted to learn more about what he and Jayce were working on and why. Everything after that was just dominoes. You, with all your fiery passion and sharp wit, have become a permanent fixture in his life and now? He could hardly imagine life without you in it. You're one of his dearest friends and, much to his dismay, that makes his current predicament even more challenging than it already is.

Before he knew it, the two of you were standing in front of your apartment building— one of the most luxurious in Piltover. He could only imagine how much it cost, though he knew for certain that your penthouse probably barely made a dent in your wealth. He’s gotten somewhat used to your differing lifestyles, but he’s never completely able to not marvel at it. A gust of wind kissed his skin once more as he turned to look at you.

“This is me,” you say, gloved hands in your pocket and your lovely, lovely face framed by your hair and ruby red scarf. He recognizes it as the gift he gave you a year ago now. A spur-of-the-moment purchase on one of the rare occasions he was actually outside Academy grounds. He remembers thinking that the color would look nice on you. He was right. He finds himself holding onto the seconds before he has to go. “Thank you for walking me home, Viktor.”

“Of course,” he nods but the calmness of his voice don’t match the way his eyes bore into yours. “It’s only proper.”

“Proper?”

“Yes. Proper. I am a gentleman, after all.”

His accent comes out thicker, emphasizing the words more than he means to.

“I didn’t take you for someone who cared much about propriety,” you tease.

“Is it because I’m from the undercity?” he deadpans and he relishes in the look of horror on your face that replaces your grin.

“What? No!” you exclaim, smacking his arm when you realize he’s just joking. “You. Are. Impossible.”

A laugh bubbles out of his chest, “Oh, that’s cruel. You would hit a defenseless man? How heartless.”

“Shut up. That cane of yours is a weapon of war. Don’t think I haven’t seen you smack Jayce with it.”

“If I hit him with it, he probably deserved it.”

“Poor Jayce,” you laugh as well. “Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

Viktor smiles.

“I do not think you could even if you tried, lásko."

He freezes and so do you. The laughter—the music—that you shared for the briefest of moments was thoroughly snuffed out, leaving you both in a silence that threatens to swallow him whole. He didn’t mean to do that. He didn’t mean to speak so gently, but there is not a part of Viktor that could withhold this sincerity from you. Specks of the truth, of the confession he’s barely managed to wrangle into submission and lock away somewhere dark and unreachable.

He pulls back on instinct. He’s shown too much, said too much. You don’t move. He is petrified.

Your eyes widen and he sees his reflection in them, staring back at him. This is it, he thinks. He’s crossed the line and he’ll have to deal with the crushing blow of your rejection.

You manage to compose yourself and what you say next is… well, unexpected. Your tone is light, clearing the air and allowing him to breathe again.

“Do you say that to every woman or am I a special case? I’d hate to be part of a roster.”

He’s taken aback, but he feels a weight lifted off his shoulders. You are a miracle in his eyes. Washing away his worries with a kind smile and a few choice words. He laughs again and this time, he doesn’t stop himself from speaking the truth. It’s now or never.

“Surely you know by now that you are singular,” he whispers, his accent a pleasant drawl in your ears. He takes a step forward. It is gravity that pulls him in, not the Earth’s, but yours. A force that he can’t help but be drawn to. Not that he would ever dare to resist it now that his fear has shrunk down to something a little less debilitating.

His face is inches from yours. You don’t move. He gets a little braver.

“I do not appreciate your implication that I would pay attention to anyone else,” his voice is low, honest. “As if anyone could compare to you. As if you don’t hold my very being in the palm of your hand. Miláčku, I adore you. Don’t you know that?”

There is a hint of pleading in his tone, begging you to understand the full scope of his feelings from those few words so that he wouldn’t unravel before you, a bundle of nerves and petals the same shade as your scarf.

“Say something. Please,” his fear rears its ugly head once more. “Say the word and we’ll pretend this never happened. I will remain your colleague and nothing more. A friend, if you would allow it.”

“What if I don’t want that?” you ask, your own voice a little shaky with uncertainty. Maybe it was also fear. That, he’s not quite sure.

Viktor doesn’t fully trust what he’s hearing, thinks it to be a figment of his deluded imagination, but his heart is screaming at him now to push forward.

“What is it you want, lásko? Tell me and it shall be yours.”

You're almost breathless when you finally respond, “You. I want you."

The world stills. Time itself screeches to a halt. There is only you and him, together in this moment that he knows will be woven into the threads of his soul. He has never known euphoria quite like this. He can’t name it yet, doesn’t know if this is love. He can only hope that it will be.

When he looks into your eyes again, he does not see his own terrified reflection. He just sees you. And the sheer intensity of your gaze that rivals his own. Have you always looked at him that way? Was he just too blind to see it?

“Do you mean that?” he finds himself asking. He has to— has to make sure that this is real.

You smile again, dainty fingers intertwining with his. It is a gentle smile, a hopeful smile that answers his question before you even open your mouth.

“I do,” your voice is so gentle and yet it squeezes his heart. “I’m yours, Viktor, if you’ll have me.”

He brings your knuckles to his lips, places a reverent kiss on them like you’ve given him the world. In a way, that’s exactly what you did. Maybe his lips were always meant to be on your skin, worshipping you like the goddess you are. It feels too natural for it to mean anything else.

And for the first time in a long time, he allows himself to hope.

“I would love nothing more.”

[baddybaddyadardaddy]

Okay, I'm going to make a wild prediction about Adar and Galadriel in Episode 8, so strap in.

An overarching the/major motif of the Rings of Power from the very first episode has been, obviously, the interplay between darkness/light.

"To find the light, we must first touch the darkness." / "Before light, darkness must flee, etc."

Adar and Galadriel together are a manifestation of that duality between light and dark and accordingly, I think there's a compelling case for them to team up against Sauron at the end of Season 2.

Here's my attempt at this argument:

PARALLELS BETWEEN ADAR AND GALADRIEL

The show has established a few strong visual parallels between the two of them.

Mourning ritual. Galadriel mourning for Finrod in S1Ep1 is echoed by Adar's mourning of the Uruks in S2Ep7. They even mirror the single tear.

What's more, Galadriel bears WITNESS to Adar's funeral ritual, enforcing the connection of this moment.

Seed planting. Frankly, my jaw hit the floor when S2Ep2 had Galadriel planting seeds in the memorial garden in Lindon, because the shots/framing were almost IDENTICAL to the seed planting Adar does at the beginning of S1Ep6. The sentiments of both instances are the same "life over death," though the words do differ.

Flip sides of the same coin/mirror to one another. The show has also presented us with many instances where they function as mirrors to one another. If not signficant, why do?

Barn scene. The barn scene in S1Ep6 is a PRIME example, when Adar literally calls Galadriel out for the hypocrisy of her hatred of the orcs.

The dinner scene. Adar once again holds up a mirror to Galadriel, pushing back against her notion that "you yielded to him. I resisted." Then they have the shared acknowledgement that without Sauron, the world seems a "dull grey" (GREY, interestingly, a halfway point between dark and light). Adar's face in response to her admission will live rent-free in my mind forever-- it's like he's been SEEN for the first time in his life.

So while Galadriel sees herself as a warrior of light, and views Adar as a creature of darkness, the show does a pretty superb job of showing that both of these characters have light and dark within them in equal measure.

They were both tempted by Sauron and succumbed.

So there is a clear, thematic link between these two from that standpoint.

ADAR'S JOURNEY TOWARD THE LIGHT

Next, I think it is clear Adar on a path toward light/redemption as an elf, and it tracks in a VERY LITERAL SENSE.

First time we see Adar, he is bathed in an angelic light. As he performs the funeral ritual for Magrot, light streams into the Uruk tent.

The shot at the end of S2 Ep1, when the camera lingers on Adar as Gil-Galad's call to the Eldalie commences. Adar feels the undeniable call to his elven past. That camera shot was NOT A COINCIDENCE, and I'm FOREVER FERAL ABOUT IT.

Cavalry charge at the siege of Eregion. Adar is OBVIOUSLY backlit:

There is a dividing line between light and shadow an Adar is RIGHT on the border of it.

When he steps up to take possession of Nenya, the sky behind him is split between a darker side and a lighter side. (You can argue that it's a CREEPY light, but it's still light. There is almost no all-black coloring on him in that second frame when he actually has the ring. For a character that's been head to toe in black the entire series, this is Significant.)

So where does that leave us for the big Sauron smackdown?

My first wild prediction: In an INSANE reversal, Galadriel will be the one to bring Morgoth's dark crown to the confrontation, while Adar will wield Nenya, a symbol of light.

It's not inconceivable that Gal could have smuggled it out of Adar's camp somehow under her oversized Uruk cloak. And Adar, OBVIOUSLY now possesses Nenya at the end of S2Ep7.

I think the fight between Galadriel and Sauron is ACTUALLY a three-person fight; we just haven't seen Adar in the promos because

1. Obvious plot spoilers and

2. HE WILL BE FIGHTING IN A FAIR FORM BECAUSE NENYA WILL HEAL HIS CORRUPTION.

My second wild prediction: This three-person fight is telegraphed in The Last Temptation. There's a new motif (not musical, so unclear if this is the correct term??) that starts around 1:07. It sounds like an aggressive children's choir. Interspersed, we get some of Gal's themes and Sauron-flavored music. I think this new bit could be either a combined theme for Gal/Adar fighting side by side, OR a new motif for a changed/elven Adar. It's aggressive, which to me tracks with Adar's fighting style that we saw through S2Ep7, and it builds and gets more voices added to it as the song progresses. At one point, it blends perfectly with Gal's theme.

Third wild prediction that I hope I'm wrong about: Adar will likely get fatally stabbed during this fight. I could see him giving Galadriel the ring at a crucial moment, in as a redemptive act, which would forfeit any protection it might have offered him, and I think he'll receive a fatal blow from Sauron, but not before we get a much clearer picture of EXACTLY who Adar is. IF they do it this way, it will be a deeply satisying end to Adar's story arc, IMHO.

Last thoroughly unhinged thing I will leave you with:

Nolwa Mahtar translation (from S1), according to Bear's blog:

Finish the war, the darkness, end this suffering

Impossible to pursue, deep in shadow, follow light

Finish the war, the darkness, end this suffering

Bright warrior against darkness.

Obviously this theme plays a HUGE role in S2. I believe the lyrics are different; we don't know what they say yet.

But I have contended all along that this piece has always applied in some way to BOTH Adar and Galadriel.

Galadriel is the bright warrior standing against Sauron's darkness, yes, that image is obvious.

But Adar, a figure who lived deep in shadow, follows light, ultimately finishing his own war and ending his own suffering.

[luckystarchild]

Today I was the Ambassador

I had a migraine and sat in my workplace's storage warehouse for a bit to rest, away from noise and in the dark. Glasses off, phone away, just sitting in a chair with my eyes closed in the quiet. I had taken medication that makes me quite loopy, and it had kicked in a little while prior.

Soon a dude I didn't recognize wandered into the warehouse to take a phone call. Loudly. And when he was done, he called out to me from like 50 feet away, "Sorry, I didn't see you there! Hope I'm not disturbing you!"

And I, politely, because I wasn't sure which of my colleagues this might be, and because I'm generally a friendly person who doesn't shy away from social interaction, replied, "It's all good. I have a migraine and am just resting in a quiet place."

To which he replied, "A migraine? What's that like?"

[Long post below the cut, sorry]

For the next ten minutes he stood over me asking questions. What's it feel like? How do you treat it? What causes it? Why do you get them? How bad does it hurt on a scale of 1-10? I reiterated several times I needed quiet, but the hint went untaken, and he kept asking questions. I still didn't recognize him, but I had my glasses off, so I thought perhaps this was someone new, and I felt I needed to be polite just in case.

Eventually, curiosity assuaged, he said, "You never know what a person's going through. For instance, you told me you had a migraine, and I could've walked away. But I didn't, and I came over here, and now I know all about migraines and how bad they are!"

Me: "Yep, that you do. That's empathy for you."

Him: "Yeah! I could've just told you to shake it off. Like I could've told you it's just a headache. But I didn't!"

I was pretty doped up on my migraine meds and therefore not feeling belligerent, nor particularly sharp, but even through that haze I recognized the multiple points of irony studding the conversation. Alas, I was too doped up to think clearly about how to end the interaction, and I just said something like, "People say that a lot to me, to be honest, and I'm glad you didn't."

Him: "People say that a lot? What do you mean?"

Me: "Well, pain is invisible. Some people don't believe me when I say I have a migraine and need to sit somewhere quiet and dark." (No reaction; nuts.) "Some people don't take a minute to empathize. They just tell me it can't be that bad."

Him: "That's terrible. People really say that to you?"

Me: "Yeah. My mother does every time I tell her I have one."

Him: "Oh wow. Do you have a good relationship with your mother?"

Me: "Oh. Uh. No."

Him: "Wow, really?"

Me: "Really. But I came out as queer a few years back though, so the migraines aren't the reason why."

Him: "What's that mean?"

Me: "Which part?"

Him: "That you came out as queer. What does 'queer' mean? How are you queer? Can you explain it?"

This is where I kind of came back to myself through the medication fog. That was a deeply personal question. Many of the questions had been. I only belatedly realized the level of prying happening (see again: medication) and it occurred to me I still wasn't sure who this person actually was. Did I even want to share this with this person? Blearily I put my glasses back on and looked at him. Really looked.

He was wearing a Trump hat. Blue. "Take America Back," it said. Not being the instantly recognizable red to which I am accustomed, and without the aid of my glasses, I hadn't recognized it for what it was.

I also realized I didn't know this guy. He was not a coworker. But my addlepated brain slowly pieced together that there were contractors in the building working on [some maintenance project or another], and this must be one of them.

Normally I would not reveal anything about my queer identity to a stranger in a Trump hat. People wearing them have chased me shouting threats and obscenities based on presumptions they made based on the cut of my hair and my style of clothing alone. Normally I wouldn't be caught dead revealing anything about my gender or sexuality to a stranger in a Trump hat. But here I was, already deep in it, and in an isolated place, and suffering from pain, and being stared at expectantly by someone whose nature and temperament were yet a mystery to me.

But.

Generally speaking, I can tell when someone is asking a genuinely curious question. It feels markedly different from someone asking a shit-heel question that will lead to eventual antagonism. And this guy was not acting like the latter. He looked at me frankly, and his body language was neutral, and while his questions were blunt, he hadn't raised his voice. So far, he hadn't actually been antagonistic. Just blunt, and insistent, and maybe a little tone-deaf.

So, perhaps against my better judgement, I said: "Well, in my case, both my gender and my sexuality inform my choice of the word 'queer' as a personal label. I'm bisexual and nonbinary. 'Queer' covers both gender and sexuality, and for me it feels comfortable to use as an umbrella term." Realizing I did not want to arm this person with a word he shouldn't have carte blanche to use, I added: "But some people in the LGBTQIA community don't like the word 'queer,' so I wouldn't use it to describe a person unless you know that's the term they prefer. The word was once used as a slur, but some of us have reclaimed it, and I'm one of those people."

Him: "OK." A beat. "What's 'nonbinary' mean?"

So I explained. And it took a long time, because (as I soon learned, and expected from the outset) he did not know the difference between sex and gender, nor that male/female are used to describe sex, and that man/woman and male/female are not actually interchangeable terms when discussing gender and sex. He didn't not know there was something called a gender binary, nor that anyone could exist outside it. He didn't know what 'cisgender' meant (he had never heard the term). He didn't know that your sexuality and you gender exist independently of each other. He didn't know the words he could use to describe himself, if he were so inclined.

There was... a lot to cover.

Me: "So, I'm to assume you are a cisgender man."

Him: "I don't know what that means."

Me: "It means you were assigned male at birth and told you were a boy by a doctor/your family, and as an adult, you identity as a man. The identity you were assigned and the one you feel fits you best is the same. It's never changed."

Him: "Yeah! That's right!"

Me: "May I assume you're heterosexual?"

Him: "What does that mean?"

Like I said: There was a lot to cover.

And cover it I did. I was patient. He had some trouble with the lingo, of course, since it was all so new. He got words mixed up, and I fear there were parts I didn't explain properly. I wasn't exactly prepared to have the discussion that day, and I was in pain besides. I spent the entire time on tenterhooks, carefully waiting for any hints of antagonism or mockery in case I needed to fish or cut bait.

No mockery came. He got a little frustrated, I think, when he messed up some words, but he never snapped, or argued, or tried to tell me I was wrong about any of it. He just seemed curious.

"But what does nonbinary feel like?" he wanted to know. "Does it feel weird? Do you walk around feeling weird all the time?"

Me: "Kind of, yeah! Ever since I was a little kid, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I didn't feel comfortable around girls, or around boys. Neither label fit me."

And he listened as I relayed a few anecdotes illustrating how that felt. And when I mentioned that my parents never really understood me as a kid, his brow furrowed.

Him: "They didn't get it?"

Me: "No. My parents were cattle ranchers."

Wide eyes. WIDE eyes. And that reaction cemented a hunch that had been growing in me since we started talking.

I live in Texas. I grew up here. I know how people think, even the ones I disagree with. To me, this guy seemed the type who might vote a certain way due to the influence of those around him, but one who doesn't know much about politics or anything outside his family or in-group. The one whose family "always votes Republican" but has never actually bothered to look up how a tariff works—and I know the type. I know how to work with someone like that. You have to find in-roads to empathy with these folks. Speak their language. If no one has actually fed them damaging misinformation (and it did not appear that anyone had!), there's an opportunity there to do some good.

Thus, sensing we were at the point of terminology overload anyway, I changed tactics. It was time for emotion, and personal experience, and giving him a touch-point for empathy. He was from this state, and the reaction to my folks being cattle ranchers was telling. So I leaned into that, hard.

Me: "We lived in the middle of nowhere, and my folks don't get it at all. There was nothing in my upbringing to really influence this. We were Baptists, on a ranch, in Texas. I didn't know a single gay or transgender person, but here I am."

Him: "So your parents didn't know anything about it at all."

Me: "Nope."

Him: "It was all you, and from when you were a kid!"

Me: "Yeah! They were absolutely baffled when I started telling them I didn't feel like a boy or a girl. It was just how I felt, and they didn't understand for a second."

Him: "Wow. WOW. It really was just a part of you, huh?"

Me: "Yup."

Him: "It's just how you felt inside. Wow!"

I realize these transcriptions, if read looking for sarcasm, could seem disingenuous. But he sounded sincere. He sounded utterly, painfully sincere. He looked surprised, and baffled, but also rather excited. Like he'd learned something new and was happy about that.

We chatted about a few more subjects after that: he wanted to know what transgender means, and why transgender people feel the way they do, sometimes without having the language to accurately convey his questions. But I listened, and I tried my best to educate. I stressed that gender is something people feel, and it can be hard to understand, but that it's up to an individual to know who they are best. And he nodded along, and never once argued, and asked questions frequently along the way.

We get tired, though, all of us. I was tired, and even though he was still asking questions, I think he was reaching information fatigue as well. So eventually I walked back to something we'd discussed before that I thought he could feel good about. End on a happy note. That feeling would hopefully stick once we parted ways, and color the memory thereafter.

"Y'know, you mentioned empathy earlier," I said. "Walking in another person's shoes."

Him: "Yeah!"

Me: "I think it's OK to admit we don't always understand exactly what a person feels, or why they feel it. It's OK to say you don't really get it. But if someone is living their best life, and they're not hurting anyone, it seems like we should just let them live it. That's what we'd want for ourselves, right?

Him: "Yeah, I agree with that!"

Me: "Transgender people are less than 1% of the world's population, too. So when you see people getting really mad over transgender people, it's like...why are they so mad? We're just living our lives. Don't they have bigger issues to worry about?"

Him: "Oh yeah. Much bigger. You're right!"

The conversation ended after that; maybe a few more light remarks, but nothing worth noting. I invited him to ask more questions if he had them and if he saw me in the building again. He said he would, and he thanked me, and we parted ways.

I relayed the conversation to a friend not long later. They stared at me for a second before asking, "Why in the world didn't you just walk away?"

And the honest answer, at first, was that my migraine made thinking clearly too difficult! But once I focused up, I made the decision to continue the conversation.

My reason for staying will probably resonate with folks from various groups: I stayed because in that moment, I had become the Ambassador.

When encountering a person who seems to have never met anyone from your group, and they realize you are a part of that fabled minority, you are placed (whether consciously or unconsciously ) atop a pedestal. In that moment, you are not an individual. Like it or not, you have become the spokesperson, the mouthpiece, the Ambassador of your entire social group. Anything you say can and will be used against your entire social group by whoever has elected you the Ambassador. If you react poorly, or yell, or scream, that person may leave the interaction thinking everyone in your group will yell, or scream, or react poorly to them. If they deem you, the Ambassador, unreasonable or rude, they may think everyone in your group is unreasonable and rude. And they may carry that opinion with them into the world, and they may inflict that opinion onto someone else.

This is unfair, of course. It's awful. Because these questions are invasive, and personal, and uncomfortable. Reacting poorly would be totally reasonable when asked something so deeply personal. Boundaries are healthy, and if you don't feel safe enough to discuss your gender/sexuality with a stranger in a Trump hat, you should absolutely walk away. Your feelings come first.

I'm lucky, though. I have an accepting workplace, and people who love me exactly as I am, and a support system. My state is a terrible place for queer folks, but given the above, I have some insulation from the worst of it. I'm also gregarious, and I've had some training talking to people off the cuff. If there's anyone who can manage playing the role of Ambassador for the afternoon, it's me. I have the spoons, so to speak. I can be the Lorax for half an hour, and I can try (try!) to give the random dude in the warehouse a quick education on my community.

He's just one guy. But he may know others. And if you can get through to even one unlikely person, why not make the time to take that chance?

So that's what I did today. He might not remember the terms we discussed, or the finer details on gender expression, nor the difference between sex and gender. But I hope the man in the Trump hat remembers the queer person who spoke calmly, and treated him kindly, and didn't get upset when asked invasive personal questions. And maybe (just maybe), I hope in my optimistic little heart that if someone else in a Trump hat tells him transgender people are a scourge, he might remember me, the queer kid who wasn't indoctrinated and came from the same Texas roots he did, and say, "I dunno. They're just out there living their best lives. That's what we want for ourselves, right?"

I can only hope I read him right. I can only hope he was truly listening. But even if I was wrong in that, I'm still glad I took that chance. Big things have small beginnings, as they say, and it never hurts to be kind.

(The only lesson I didn't teach him was to be careful asking such invasive questions, but given this all started over a migraine, I don't think I would've had much luck on that front, anyway. Haha!)

[riririnnnn]

As I mentioned in my post earlier:

His cuff (that thing around his neck) is near transparent which gives us a lot of room to ponder since we don't exactly know what this chain even represent.

Taking Hiori as an example, let's suppose the chain represents the burden that holds back someone's true ego.

His cuff being transparent gives us two things:

1. It might be plastic which doesn't really make any sense if I were to be honest.

2. It is glass which makes a lot of sense because how's glass? Hell yeah, my geniuses, glass is really fragile which completely fits into what he said:

Further, in that volume cover, he has pulled down his collar which puts a lot of spotlight into his blue rose tattoo, and we all know what that tattoo symbolises for Kaiser.

In case you don't remember: Kaiser got this tattoo as a reminder to himself to never fall back into his weak mentality because Blue Rose symbolises the achievement of impossible, and he saw it as an example to turn impossible to reality since Blue Rose, itself, is artificial and defies the natural order.

What is said above can be found with a quick Google search:

But what grabbed my most attention is this panel:

WHY?

If he only wanted to push the soccer industry to despair, then why he is adamant about winning the Champions league and the World Cup?????

Also, contrary to popular beliefs, I don't actually think Kaiser has a superiority complex because, look:

What Chris said could be considered as an exaggerated way to rile someone, but isn't this, indirectly, exactly what Kaiser says after the Manshine City match ended?

Kaiser said something along the lines of, "BM's main character is Noa and it's impossible for me to be the current number one, that's why I came to NEL to use Isagi as a way to increase my value." He even went as far as to say that he is a secondary character in BM because BM is Noa's team.

I don't think so that anyone with superior complex will admit such real facts.

Further, why did he got so angry when Chris said those things? Isn't someone bound to be angrier if the other one was to point out their obvious weak point? So, does this mean, Kaiser actually got an inferior complex?

I'm not a psychologist, so I'm not dwelling too much into it.

However, there is another thing I want to point out:

So, because of that spreadsheet/official art of a very damaged soccer ball beside Kaiser's foot, the Fandom widely believes that Kaiser was poor while growing up .

BUT!

Being poor as a backstory has already been used three times: Naruhaya Asahi, Noel Noa, and Lorenzo Don.

I understand that in any sector with a lot of money and/or fame, there are many people who come from a poor economic background, but this is fiction, baby. No author wants anything be repeated to the point it feels overused.

That's why, I highly believe that Kaiser was either bullied or mistreated by his seniors when he started playing soccer which explains that he practiced fucking hard that the soccer ball was damaged, and also his supposed hatred towards the soccer industry. It also explains his long, unkempt hair because he was too indulged in practice.

OR!

It goes a bit darker, so proceed with caution:

Soccer somehow destroyed his family's peace just like the brotherhood of Itoshi brothers.

I may write about others in another post, but in this post, I would like to think that the person who destroyed his family's peace was his own father. It could be that his father was a soccer player himself and due to some circumstances, he fell off the soccer industry which took a toll on his mental health, and he started physically abusing either Kaiser, his mom or both.

Why physical abuse? Because Kaiser is shown having an affinity to choking.

If we get our minds out of the gutter, then there have been instances when he choked himself because he was frustrated. Also, didn't he say that he stroked his rose tattoo as a good luck before matches and compared it to, "as if tightening a noose," or something.

That's why, I kinda think that, AT LEAST, someone has choked Kaiser as abuse/bullying.

I'll rant about the above thing in another post tomorrow or some time later because I don't want this post to be too long, and also because I'm hungry af.

.

.

.

I remember a vivid dream when Kaiser threatened me to join BM.

[niobiumao3]

I've been thinking about the whole Crosshair and CX-2 situation, and I am beginning to wonder if, should CX-2 prove to be Tech, Crosshair didn't, in fact, know.

In an interview before the premiere, Michelle Ang mentioned Crosshair getting to see forgiveness and real love in the face of a great betrayal. Now, Crosshair's great betrayals are long past. So, is this some NEW betrayal? Is it someone ELSE betraying and being forgiven? CX-Tech fits the later very neatly, however, there might be another option: that Crosshair DOES know CX-2 is Tech, and has been not telling everyone because he blames himself for it happening and is sure they'll all turn him out the second they discover it (Omega included).

I'm of two minds here.

Crosshair didn't know, because Tech was put straight into conversion from medical care, and so Crosshair never saw him.

Crosshair DOES know, and feels black-hole sized guilt about it to the point where he can't bring himself to tell anyone.

In the #2 bucket goes a few things:

We see, repeatedly, that Crosshair isn't saying everything about Tantiss. This is as true for Hunter (the person always mentioning this) as it is for us, as our POV on Tantiss was almost exclusively Omega. Hunter knows Crosshair hasn't told them everything, and isn't going to push him except in specific instances where it really woulda been nice to know.

We do know that the CX conditioning is bad. Like, really bad, bad enough that wiping out your identity--not just the chip but like, you, yourself--is part of it. Or, so Crosshair says (and Tech in S2), though of course the truth of that might be more complex. This is reason enough for him to not talk about things. Except...

When Rex and Howzer explain they have a CX in custody Crosshair is immediately spooked. Then he's even MORE upset when he sees who it is. Or is it because of who it isn't?

If he knew CX-2 was Tech, and sees CX-1, he knows there is only one other CX they're sending after them, and the absolute last thing he would want is for them to have to kill Tech to get away. Or worse, kill the person who used to be Tech and can't be reclaimed (from his POV). Either way, from his POV, it is all bad news that CX-2 is inbound.

And as much as I feel Cross just isn't a hand to hand badass, at the end of his one on one with CX-2, he is clearly giving up. Everything CX-2 is saying is battering him emotionally and dousing the fight in him. Which makes a lot of sense, if he knows it's Tech.

For #1, well, the explanation is much simpler: we, and Omega and Crosshair, never see Tech in CX conditioning because he was in a bacta tank for part of it and then into a pod for the rest. He might have even converted quickly if we're to assume he had amnesia from the fall. (I suspect, should he prove to be CX-2, we won't get an explanation for this.) This actually would give Omega AND Crosshair some severe guilt, realizing when they escaped they left Tech on Tantiss in Hemlock's not-so-stellar care. It makes sense Crosshair would never want to go back--the conditioning sounds pretty awful. But then his reaction to CX-1 is a little less clear; we know there aren't very many CXes at this point, so why is THIS one such a concern to him? He just appears to be a reg. And CX-1's use of 'brother' is also very pointed. Which would make sense if CX-2 is Tech, who would have referred to Crosshair as his brother...

Anyways. We'll see if this pans out. I'd considered this might be the case even as I was like 'are we really doing that', and while I'm not a fan of this plot in the overall, like a cat being dragged outside on a harness for some enrichment I can grudgingly accept it. Mostly.

[pedrocomicreviews]

NYX #8

"The only heroic thing a nail can do is not break."

Hey just a heads-up, NYX is my favorite X-book in From the Ashes and currently one of three of those I still read. I know Tumblr doesn't like it-- or at least the Tumblr algorithm keeps sending me people who don't like it over and over again-- but if you're wondering why am I talking positively about a book the hivemind has decided is problematic and poorly written, well it's because I usually like it. And I like this issue too, let's gush about it.

I think at the end of the day, NYX is about turning grief into the next chapter of your life.

Every issue so far has been about characters reacting to losing things, and dealing with the pieces of themselves left on the ground after trauma. While the theme of every mutant dealing with the loss of Krakoa is the overarching trauma, everyone also has their own: Kamala is losing her connection to parts of her family she took for granted, Sophie is losing her place in the Cuckoos, Laura is losing herself like a good Wolverine always does. And they're all in a worse place for it, some of them in the worst place they've ever been in.

Hellion, for instance, is trying to take on a villainous persona much like Magneto used to back when he was dealing with his own trauma. He wants to lash out and he wants others to feel his pain, but he just can't. He's an asshole, he's arrogant, he's belligerent, but he's ultimately a good person who believes things can be better. Having the safety and the reality of Krakoa taken away from him only to be dragged into the trenches of oppression again broke something in him, but not enough that he's not himself anymore.

And I think this issue really makes a good case for hope, so to speak? Much like a lot of other issues, while they're obviously not dedicating a full run to these characters coming to God as it were, we do get to rely on canon and previous characterization to let the text guide us through questions like, what would it actually take for these people to act like this? What would be their internal process? Would that resist pressure? Would it resist someone else cutting through their defenses and asking them directly?

Laura's place in the narrative has been the subject of a lot of controversy, but I'll be honest, if it was Logan people would be shrugging it off as typical. The difficulty in reading NYX is that these are imperfect characters saying imperfect things, many of which they don't even believe in, because they're all hurting and they're all lost to some extent. Main conflicts based around fifty different points of view that all disagree with each other but also change over time are always difficult to handle, because when someone reads a character saying "I hate red!", it takes a significant amount of effort on the reader's part to keep reading and internalize it when the character is then shown wishing they could be nicer to red, but they don't feel like it would be right, and they're already committed to this bad red opinion debacle they announced to the world.

I'm not saying NYX is too fucking advanced for the feeble mind of comic book readers or anything like that, but I am saying that NYX feels designed around giving you a gut reaction and then zooming out, analyzing the event that shocked you, and then trying to do it again but under a more good faith lenses this time around. Because this is how personal conflict and fights with real people usually go. This is how miscommunication and overly committing to something just because you feel defensive or being attacked works. This is what difficult conversations about history, trauma, loss and the horrible effects they have on real people usually go like.

And, of course, that doesn't make the book good inherently. It's a type of story people are more than welcome to despise, and it's a type of characterization that will likely not stick around for everyone involved-- Laura simply does not think or act like this in her own solo, for instance. But I do think the writing and the art are working overtime to sell you these characters as complex and not one-note, and to sell their epiphanies about hope, found family and community as, if simple, at least more positive than they were one issue ago.

This is a bit of a rant about how people read and talk about comics, yes, but I think NYX deserves to have it included a little bit. It is a book about how people perceive you, and about how you are not the worst days of your life, or the worst takes you've ever had. It's nice to have a book where characters aren't constantly making either the right or wrong decision, but are constantly struggling in-between, winning some and losing some and ultimately left to figure out how to hold water with vases that will never be the same as they were before a fascist came in and cracked them.

Many characters are trying to do this by becoming their own versions of old leaders: Synch is taking after Magneto, Prodigy is taking after Xavier, Sophie is taking after Emma. Hellion tried to take after his betters, only to realize that all he really needs to do is to be true to himself, and find his own way to navigate through the world. And that's good ass X-Men.

[qwertyprophecy]

The Illusion of Aggravating Player-ness

Pictured above: demo footage of me attempting to hit the Hero when their dodging program is turned to maximum. (I can only test this for so long before getting annoyed, which is exactly the vibe I'm going for.)

More about the feeling that has inspired The Dark Queen of Mortholme under the cut:

A couple years back I happened upon a tumblr post identifying a surprisingly common sentiment when playing Pokémon. The player has an edge over NPCs in battles for basically the entire game, because unlike those silly programmed losers we've figured out how to use healing potions. So upon getting to end game and witnessing our first case of the NPC trainer healing their Pokémon to full with a hyper potion, it feels like such bullshit. How come they get to do that? Only I get to do that!

There are instances of little details in many other games that evoke a similar emotion, like this one boss in Sekiro who can sneakily counter the player's charged attack with a move that till then only the player has been using. (Please let me know if you personally recall any examples!) The sheer audacity of non-player characters using player-only moves, being annoying as I am! It's a deliciously strong reaction that goes beyond the game's difficulty ramping up; I think it's about recognising ourselves, the essence of distinctly player-like behaviour in this fictional entity made from code.

While thinking about that I also happened to be mulling over what I considered a huge missed opportunity in the end boss of the game Katana Zero. Without spoilers, let's just say that it made me consider whether it would be even remotely doable to create a narrative boss fight against a player-like entity who appears to get to save and re-try the fight by themselves. In Undertale there's a brief illusion of a NPC saving and loading game states, but they don't quite do it like a player would.

The illusion would have to include a feeling that your opponent not only gets to try again but is learning from their mistakes. Furthermore it's specifically an advantage they have over you; you don't get to try again, nor do you get room to improve. And unlike them, your preprogrammed skillset is designed to have exploitable weaknesses and a static power level which can be surpassed.

No matter how skilled, you'd be doomed to lose against an opponent like that. The bosses we beat have it rough, huh. I myself am not particularly good at video games–when I try to get past a difficult boss fight in any game where those are designed to take a fair amount of attempts and learning, I feel in my bones that meta-level story of striving to overcome a seemingly impossible obstacle. It's a journey through various emotions from eagerness to frustration, culminating in the triumphant success.

But from the boss's point of view, that story takes a very different shape, involves different emotions, and (assuming the player keeps playing) invariably culminates in a predestined loss. Sounds unfun. So obviously, that's the experience I aim to provide! (Unfun games really are my forte, with my previous work simulating jubilant experiences such as job hunting blues! anxiety! exam anxiety! trying to fix a spaceship engine that's killing you!)

Who wouldn't want to enjoy being the most powerful being in their universe until some little dipshit bursts in and locks you in an unending battle till they’re satisfied and you’re dead?

[herrscherofmagic]

long and spoiler-y and messy summary of my many thoughts on HI3rd Part 2 Chapter 7:

first of all, what the fuck, Helia??

second, the snowy battlefield scenes were probably the single most fundamentally "Honkai" story scenes that Mihoyo's written in like... the last 4 years or so.

Like, I don't think Mihoyo's ever gone that far before to show us just how deadly Honkai (or in this case, the "Calamity") truly is to the average soldier, and even the "supersoliders".

In most of Honkai's story, we follow incredibly powerful and skilled characters. Even in her weak moments like in Arc City, Kiana still had extraordinary endurance and stamina. And we rarely actually ever fought alongside ordinary valkyries. The only two instances I can think of would be Arc City and Coral City, and both of those were from the perspective of said super-powerful valkyries fighting alongside the weaker troops.

But here, on that snowy battlefield... it was something completely different.

The battlefield ambience with the audible & visible cannonfire in the background, the burning buildings, the corpses of civilians and soldiers alike amidst swarms of monsters... visually, it still has the style of an anime gacha game, but I could close my eyes and just listen to the sound and picture the scene in my mind so, so viscerally.

It gives me all the same feeling that I felt all those years ago when I played games like Halo: Reach, which had a similar "squad of elite soldiers fighting swarms of monsters on a dying world" theme but with a gritty & realistic visual style and writing.

This might've been one of the most well-constructed visual sequences in almost all of HI3rd's gameplay stages. Obviously cinematics would look prettier, but when talking about *actual gameplay* where you control a character, I don't think anything else comes even close to being so immersive of the scene that the story is telling to us.

For once, it really felt like this was a WAR. not a superhero comic book, but a story of ordinary humans struggling violently in vain against a greater power, incomprehensible to all.

third, to reiterate and also elaborate: what the FUCK, Helia!?

That was an absolute roller-coaster of emotions, especially because I did the first 2/3rds of Chapter 6 last night and saved the rest of Chapter 6 & then all of Chapter 7 for tonight. So I had only a brief break to do some other stuff at the end of Chapter 6 and dove right into Chapter 7, and had to process all of those feelings and scenes one right after the other. no giant several-week break to process everything T_T

Obviously Coralie's death was spoiled for me like a month and a half or two months ago, because CN server is far ahead and because it happened at the end of last version. But I still didn't expect it to play out THAT way, which came as a shock to me because I somehow didn't come across that specific part of the spoilers.

And the entire character arc Helia went through (well it seems like she's still got a ways to go) was just... holy shit. good lord. Mihoyo, what have you done!?? (/pos)

I don't really know if I'd call Helia a hero or a villain, or if it's even possible to cram her into that dichotomy at this point. I guess antihero might be the best way to describe her, but even that doesn't quite feel right.

It's clear to me that even if she somehow ends up "back to normal" in the future, she's obviously never gonna be quite the same. But I'm incredibly intrigued as to just how Wrong™ she'll end up being at the end of all this.

Like, even after all that she went through she reaffirmed her duty as a Valkyrie and her desire to avoid innocents, but she also still has that growing lack of empathy and cold attitude. She's no longer quite so mindlessly fanatical, but I find it hard to imagine she'll ever become so upright and kind as she once was.

So I honestly can't say I see her becoming a villain that would ultimately threaten the rest of the cast and bring harm to Luoxing or Earth... but I doubt she'll ever truly fit in with the ideal of a hero that she's always longed to be.

I'm sure there's still SOME potential development that will bring her into a "heroic" state, especially she ultimately hasn't ever committed such a grave sin as murdering an innocent person (unlike a certain Definitely Not Helia™ we've met). I'm sure she COULD still end up idolizing Durandal and striving to be a great Valkyrie.

But it also feels like there's a different path for her that none of the rest of the cast would dare to take, a path that doesn't bring her into being an antagonist but which still deviates far from the model Valkyrie we've been shown for all these years (from Durandal to Rita to Kiana and so on).

I honestly really like this sort of "cold but still fundamentally just" version of Helia. She's flawed but still willing to do what is right, even if she is doing it for entirely selfish reasons now.

In a way she now reminds me a bit of Lantern, but in an almost more cruel way. Lantern was always a dangerous person when on the hunt, but outside of her narrowly-focused combat mindspace she was always fairly calm and even gentle at times. Helia feels like a more chaotic and reckless form of Lantern now, and I really like seeing that because it's such an incredible contrast to all the other Valkyrie stuff we've seen before.

Point being, I absolutely ADORE this story arc and I'm blown away by just how far Mihoyo diverged from the stereotypical image of what a Valkyrie is supposed to be. We've had so many characters in the Hoyoverse (whether Honkai or Genshin or ZZZ) that were antagonistic or villainous at times, but I don't think we ever had any that were as unfeeling as Helia was in this story arc.

It's hard to find the exact words for it, but as someone that's played through nearly all of the story for Genshin, and Star Rail, AND ZZZ, not a single character felt like they hit quite the same antihero/villain vibes that Helia has hit in this story.

And to clarify, I'm NOT counting the scenes of the snowy battlefield as being explicitly "Helia". I know that those aren't the true experiences of Helia Erdös, after all.

But even when we just look at her behavior in the Dreamseeker system, when it's actually Helia in control, there's so much more cruelty in her behavior now: cruelty to herself, and to a lesser extent to others. It's her willingness to harm herself for power, and her contempt for others who stand in her way, and the way she has become so comfortable with battle now.

I really want to see what's going to happen next time she interacts with Durandal, now. I think what'd be most interesting to me personally is if Helia ultimately reaffirms her duty & identity as a Valkyrie, but completely drops any pretense of wanting to become a "hero" like Durandal.

A version of Helia where she doesn't even try to pretend to truly care about other people, but who will still fight for all that is beautiful in the world regardless of what others think of her. Someone who grows composed and calm but in a way that is not so much tranquil and peaceful, but rather cold and calculating.

If Coralie truly does come back, I can't help but wonder how she, too, would react to this new Helia. I imagine she'd still care for Helia, but it might be difficult for her to come to terms with this. It'd probably be upsetting for her, but perhaps Helia would find a way to connect in a more genuine manner with Coralie despite the change of heart she's had.

It's just... a lot. It's been a lot to process, I still need more time to process it, but I wanted to get these thoughts out now.

Though, at least I finally caught up w/ the story and found the motivation to share these thoughts before the next story comes out on CN.

Can't wait for the CN server to update and get their new story and for the rest of us to get flooded with more spoilers, weeks before we get to play the story for ourselves. yippee! /violentlysarcastic

When all is said and done, I really enjoyed these last two chapters. I still ultimately hold the opinion that Part 2 should've been a standalone game, but I can still appreciate what great work Mihoyo has done with Part 2 as-is.

I really enjoy that dynamic with Helia and Coralie, and all that Helia's gone through with Coralie now. This really might end up being one of my favorite story arcs, up there along with the SSHC arc, Arc City, Thunders Over Nagazora, etc.

[mrs-monaghan]

Can you show me jungkook being the best boyfriend ever

What tf kinda difficult question is this??? JK is an amazing fucking boyfriend. He shows up. This👏🏾 motherfucker 👏🏾shows👏🏾 up👏🏾 He puts the standard so high, making it look like we are all getting treated by our partners like garbage. This dude loves Jimin so much and has always been there for him in so many ways big and small and you want me to pick one moment?

Oh. Unless u didn't mean just one moment in which case forget all that 😁😁😁 here. Have this Jimtiddie as an apology

Tweet

Off the top of my head my dear anon;

Exhibit a) Dieting

So once upon a time, I'm sure we all know the story of how JK got Jimin to stop dieting unhealthily.

(Thanks @sarah2711)

Exhibit b) The live they did after their UN speeches.

V is the one who starts the whole thing by making fun of Jimin apologising after he made his mistake during his speech. (I already talk about JK being there for Jimin here) Other members chime in and at first Jimin is laughing with them. But then at some point he stops laughing, just sits there as they continue to make fun of him. Then he starts chewing on his nails which alot of the time is a sign of nerves

And he absolutely shrinks in on himself. Of course JK notices immediately and that's when he tells the members to cut it out. He tells them how they should be making Jimin feel better. Not making fun of him. Immediately all the members, at the same time, backtrack. They start praising Jimin and saying how they get it.

The whole thing is too long to clip but it all starts at 12:32 here

Because we don't talk about Yoonmin 😏 we have to note that all of them made fun of Jimin but JK only spoke up after Suga said this

🤭🤭

P.s RM also said something but the members only changed their tune after JK did. I have always found this moment so sweet. JK was being protective of his baby here of course. Which goes hand in hand with this post. JK just wasn't having it and I love to see it.

When Jimin was explaining himself,

JK was quietly listening. He didn't say anything until Jimin said this

And we all know JK doesn't like when Jimin is being self deprecating. So it tracks that he comfortingly says;

That, right there anon, was JK showing up like the amazing boyfriend he is.

Bonus with the Jimin jealous moment here. And yes, thats exactly what it was.

More instances of JK being protective of his bf by Kanmom here

Exhibit c) SEVEN

Yes. Seven. The summer song of the year. Love to watch it. Love to hear it. So, I think we can all agree its a sex song. Period. That's what it is. It's a proper love making song. A topic we love to discuss on this side of tumblr.... but, have we stopped for a second to explore the romantic side of SEVEN?

So we established SEVEN is basically satellite Jeon in a nutshell. Which that alone is quite big. Always wanting to be with your person, next to your person no matter what. But JK chasing after his love interest from beginning to end till she gives in shows;

He would do anything for the one he loves. He would walk through fire. Through storms. Go anywhere... if it means its for the one he loves. He is devoted, he is all in. Deeper than the ocean. And this is basically what this post is all about, really. JK's devotion for Jimin. Deeper than the God damn ocean.

Then we have this part

For those who dont know what that means by now, I'll give u a few seconds to go look up the meaning on Google. In the meantime the rest of us will enjoy this cute clip of satellite Jeon who started quite early

Oh you're back! Yes. We can proceed. 😁😁

So what we have discovered is that JK is a generous lover... a considerate lover... Puts his partner first. JK is a "it's okay baby, you can tend to me later, this is about you" kind of guy. He is the "I won't come until you've cum" type of dude.

In other words, his lover is the priority.

Now.

Jikook don't have an only fans so we haven't seen this in action and there4 have no way of knowing that JK is like this in the bedroom. BUT, considering the fact that he prioritises Jimin all the time, we have seen this happen, I dont see why we can't assume this part of him extends to the bedroom too! Right? Like, its gotta be the case.

JK would rather loose provided Jimin wins.

JK always prefering to walk slightly behind Jimin

JK would rather miss out on the last dish and let Jimin have it. (And we know this is huge coz mans loves his food)

Just to give 3 examples that show JK when it comes to Jimin... well, u know. Jimin comes first. Literally and figuratively 😏 So I'm gonna go ahead and politely insist 😂 that the same happens during Sevening. Mkay? Glad we agree 😁😁

Exhibit d) JK always looking to praise Jimin.

(Thanks @tarheelthings)

Jimin made the group ramen (his specialty) and as u can see JK was already telling him how perfect it tastes and yet he hadn't even tasted it yet. Even editors noticed 😂😂

Bv 1 finale no one praises Jimin's santa and he laments as much.

We know our Mimi loves to be complimented and praised; absolutely feeds off of that shit. And JK knows this which is why he immediately tells Jimin "yours is the best" Jimin is so happy to hear this, cheeses so hard that even the editors notice.

Gosh... he was so happy 🥺🥺 Jimin has a praise kink and JK is great at fulfilling this. Aaah. Shit. Now I'm wondering if this extends to the bedroom 🤔 I'm pretty sure it does 🙈🙈🙈

Okay ✋🏽 let's stop thinking about JK calling Jimin a good boy and move on, yes?

Btw, RM too recognises that Jimin loves to be praised and u will see him come through too. But JK is always faster so... 😁😁

Then we have ITS when JK tasted Jimin's food, once again, high praises.

And then when when Jimin says

JK replied "I know."

Something about this moment drives home to me the fact that Jimin doesn't cook well, at home. JK does. But we already knew this from Jin ("Jungkook is Jimin's chef")

On the topic of praises, when other members try to make fun of Jimin JK will quickly make sure Jimin knows he doesn't feel the same way. This and exhibit b are like sisters. They can go hand in hand 😆

So Bon Voyage season 1 Jimin was cooking for Jin. As soon as Jimin placed the plate on the table JK did not once take his eyes off of it.

And, this was after JK kept going to keep an eye on Jimin cooking even though they weren't team mates or nothing. I'm telling y'all, Jimin sits pretty at home while JK does all the cooking. Anyway, when Jin tastes the food he says;

But the way he says it, its like he's taking the piss. It wasn't complimentary. So JK of course went;

And he couldn't get to that dish fast enough

And he devoured the rest of it

While the rest, mind you, are still making fun of Jimin/his dish. But JK didn't give a shit. His baby had made that plate and by God he was going to enjoy every second of it.

Once again, to me, this cements my theory that JK doesn't get to eat Jimin's food often. He gets way too excited when Jimin cooks, can't wait to taste his food, etc etc.

Which brings us to our next example where one time Jimin brought the entire group cucumber drinks and they hated it. Jhope goes on to explain just how much they hated the flavor.

There is a chorus of all the members agreeing with Jhope and even Jimin accepts that the cucumber drinks were terrible. But low and behold, look what the boyfriend had to say about it

Timestamp 4:12 so u can see for yourselves just how much everyone hated those drinks.

(Thanks @tarheelthings and @chicknbunny13)

Look, in JK's eyes, Jimin can do no wrong, okay? To JK, Jimin is perfect and that's that. End of story: No further questions. This behaviour is what I was talking about on my whipped post here.

Exhibit e) When JK checks on Jimin.

I don't gotta show many examples of this we've all seen it. JK always craning his neck over members to see what Jimin is up to. He always likes to know where Jimin is, what he's doing, which imo is amazing boyfriend behavior if u ask me.

A moment I've never seen talked about anywhere from BV 1; JK comes into the RV to check on Jimin who's sleeping.

I know he came to check on Jimin because he walks in, takes a peak, then walks back out. Almost like he had confirmed Jimin was okay and now he could go about his business.

Tell me thats not the sweetest, cutest thing ever!

I've just uploaded 31 images n a video. I don't think tumblr likes me enough to allow me to do more so let's stop here. I hope your Jungkook praise kink has been fulfilled. It was my pleasure.😁😁

He really is a good man. The best. And Jimin deserves nothing less 😍😍😍

[agentoffangirling]

I have a bone to pick with characters who cause problems then run off and use their backstories as an excuse for everything they do. HOWEVER, there is a difference between well-written ones and badly-written ones. Let's examine Grant Ward and Sylvie Laufeydottir (this is gonna be long, bear with me)

Ward, in case you're not familiar with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., is a character who had a difficult upbringing. His parents adored his youngest brother and turned a blind eye to the abuse Ward faced under his older brother. He also was hurt by his parents, so safe to say he had a tragic backstory

Later on in his life, he was picked up by John Garrett, an undercover HYDRA agent. Garrett groomed Ward and manipulated him, and it wasn't long before Ward joined HYDRA as well

Now I am not defending Ward. He is an absolutely despicable character, he's literally a Nazi, he threw two characters into the ocean, became overally obsessed with one of the mcs when it was clear she didn't want him, and killed and kidnapped multiple people with little to no remorse. He also uses his backstory as an excuse for all this stuff, claiming he does it for "Skye", "Kara", "us". Grant Ward gets no sympathy from me

There's a notable moment in s2 where the S.H.I.E.L.D. team is forced to work with him again, and upon getting death stares from all of them, this conversation takes place:

Ward: "And I could stand here and explain again how my parents and brother left me vulnerable..."

May: "We all had our traumas, Ward. Didn't turn any of us into psychopaths."

...

Ward: "I mean, for a while there, we were a good team. Weren't we?"

Skye: "I'm still happy I shot you.

Simmons: "Yeah, me too."

Fitz: "Should've aimed for the face."

And the writers don't ever try to make it so Ward is justified in doing these things. Not just his actions, but also the claim that his backstory excuses it, because as you can see above, other characters point out that they had all been through their fair share of troubles, and they didn't turn out like him. They don't justify the shit they did because their life was hard. The writers do make it so that a watcher can sympathize with Ward, and they also make it very clear he is not correct in doing these things

He's also a very complex person in general. He has so many traits, some of them downright conflicting, but that's who he is. Tancheroen and the others show that very well, and almost everything he does is in-character. Ward is a very well-written bad character

Now we turn to Sylvie. Sylvie also had a difficult upbringing, but I'm not gonna be the one to compare whether or not hers was worse than Ward's. However, where we reach our first road block is that Sylvie has much less character traits than Ward. She's a lot simpler than him in terms of writing, but the creators act as though she's complex and conflicted when she's really not. That doesn't necessarily mean that she's a worse character. There's a lot the writers could do to improve on her or write her well. But they don't even try

Sylvie is not given anything new to do in season 2. Zilch. Nada. A big old goose egg. She could've been dealing with her conflicting feelings on killing He Who Remains, she could've picked up a new hobby or given a personal stake in all this Loom stuff. The writers could've written her so that she didn't know what she wanted since getting rid of HWO was her only task, and now that he's gone, she could go do what actually makes her happy. They had so many opportunities to expand upon her, but nope. She's just given a McDonald's uniform and ends up being the exact same person she was at the beginning of season 1. That's not growth. That's not anything

But hey, if they're not going to do anything with her, maybe they could try for a different angle in how others perceive her. Instead of always being seen as right, she could be seen as wrong in some instances. Fine, make her bitchy, but make it so that the characters call her out on it. Have the creator perception frame her as selfish and and rude. For example, instead of trying to justify her yelling at Mobius in episode 4, have Loki fire back. Say she held them up and only cares about herself in that fight. Say that for once, she should listen to others. Say that everyone has problems, yet they don't do her destructive actions and claim they're right. They didn't need to do the Grant Ward route on everything, but having a couple times where she is framed as him in AoS wouldn't be that bad

Sylvie is a badly-written bad character. Her lack of traits and staticness of arc make her come short compared to Ward, and the continued stubbornness of the creative team to always frame her as justified and right adds to this. I am not against tragic backstories, I am not against characters being bitchy, but I will always have a problem if they use said backstory as an excuse for everything they do

And if they do, then at least have the courtesy to write them well and for other characters to call them out

[trancetales]

On naming and language in creative writing

I've been thinking recently about writing and specifically, coming up with names and terms within the setting. It can be easy to think to yourself about your own, or indeed of someone else's, choices of terms and names when you're creating a world and setting. "This name is so uninspired", or "This term sounds stupid." You might think it stands out like a sore thumb because it isn't an overly flowery term. That is fine.

Have you ever thought that about real world things? If, like myself, you've found yourself thinking that way about such things, maybe looking at some real world examples with a little more scrutiny can help put some of those thoughts at ease.

Lets start by looking at a few real world terms, first of all. Lets say you have a magic system, and it depends on something that you've called "manapools". Its a simple name, and its to the point. Its not the most out there name, but why should it be?

Have you ever thought about that time at the end of the week? You know, when the week ends, and it becomes the "weekend"? Its what we really called it in English. Its not very creative, but its what we call it, and nobody bats an eyelid. Why should they? That's what its called. Nobody thinks "the weekend should be called something more imaginative.

Another example is the word "waterfall". It couldn't possibly be more straightforward. It is where water falls. Water is falling, so, waterfall. Simple enough, and even someone who doesn't know what a waterfall is could probably piece together that a waterfall is that bit where the water is falling.

This is especially the case when you're talking about a fantasy or scifi term that will be completely new to someone. You actually want someone to recognise the term at a glance and have an idea what's going on. Not just because it makes it easier for the reader to recognise it easily, but because its more convincing from a storytelling perspective - even if there's a more scientific word in the world, are people really going to be using it? Have you ever heard anyone talk about Trochilidae? Probably not. Because when people see a bird that's making a humming sound, they're going to call it as they see it. A hummingbird.

Next, I'm going to touch on place names. Maybe your big city is called "King's Court". Maybe you're thinking that its not very inspired, in a world of Arendelles and Coruscants. If so, you might want to think about two things - real world place names, and the origin of the place names in media.

So we'll start with those two examples. Firstly, Arendelle, the setting for the film Frozen. Yes, it sounds like a fanciful name, but in actuality, its just a regular name but in the language. One source suggests that Aren would translate as eagle, and Delle is derived from the word for Valley. So if it were a name in English, it would just be Eagle Valley. The other example, Coruscant, is a planet from Star Wars. It sounds fancy, sure. But its actually just, a word. An unusual one, yes, but its just a word. Star War also features a city called Cloud City.

It's actually even less creative in real life. Here in the UK for instance, we have 25 places named "Kingston". This is literally just a contracted version of "King's Town", and when they had to distinguish them, they just stuck a bit on. Kingston upon Thames and Kingston upon Hull just put the river they were next to. And then there's Kingston near Lewes. The town is literally just called, "King's Town. The one near that other town." And don't get me started on how many places were just named after Alexander the Great.

The final thing I want to touch on is days and months of the calendar. If you choose to deviate away from the real world calendar, it can feel tricky to get a month that sounds like a month, and days can be even harder. That is, like before, less glaring if you think hard about the real ones.

Starting with days of the week, the simplest point I can make is this. In German, the word for Wednesday is Mittwoch, which literally just means, midweek. They didn't even bother giving it an actual name.

For months, again, its easy to overlook it because of how used to it we are, but not only are half of them really unimaginative, but they're also wrong. Everything up to June is based on parts of the pantheon and such, but when we hit July and August, these are literally just because Julius and Augustus wanted months named after them. So these two are just slight alterations of their names. After those two, we have September, October, November, and December. These ones are just names after the number of the month. Dec, meaning 10, is famously the 10th month, of course... So, not only is it basically just called "month number 10", about as unimaginative as it gets, it is also wrong.

On thinking these points over, I've personally found myself thinking less critically of my naming in all areas. If the UK can have 25 King's Towns, why can you not have a King's Court. If we have Hummingbirds, why the heck wouldn't your people call that fire-breathing dragon a Fire Dragon? And nothing could be worse than the months we have in our real calendar. So don't sell your naming prowess short, because you can't do much worse than the Romans did.

[roseofhybrids]

i put a microphone near your face

how are you feeling after that md stuff huh

Well, the fact that it'll be the end of the series makes it a bit bittersweet, but it had to end at some point. If the story can be told in 8 episodes then so be it. 8 is a lot more than what I had a little over a year ago when I first decided to watch it

I've been invested in quite a few projects that I've never seen get a conclusion to (mostly webcomics, so so many unfinished webcomics). Which is probably where I got the patience to wait as long as I do for these sorts of things. It's easy to wait a few months for an episode to air after waiting multiple years for things that never came to be

Having an ending is much better than the limbo of always being stuck somewhere in the middle, just being left to wonder forever what was meant to happen. So I'm overjoyed that we'll get to see this story get a proper ending

But it is still bittersweet. The show will end, and for a lot of people that means the fandom ending too. I don't believe that's the case, no matter how old something is or how long it's been over for, I see no reason to stop getting as invested as one does with a brand-new piece of media. But still, not everyone can stick around forever. So I'm preparing myself for people to move on. It's sad, but as inevitable as the show itself ending. No matter how long-lasting a fandom, members will move on to other things eventually. Personally, I don't see myself stopping the fan art any time soon. I've never had a reaction to a show like this before. I've gotten really invested in things the same way before, but all those instances it eventually died down after a few weeks and I could stop binge-watching/reading the thing over and over and just be normal about it.

Murder Drones on the other hand. It's been well over a year at this point. I managed to pull my shit together after two weeks like I usually do, but a fraction of the intensity lingered. Now I'm here, with 109 post tagged "murder drones fanart" and 623 just tagged "murder drones" according to the Tumblr archive

I still get giddy rewatching the episodes, still have a long ever-growing list of drawing ideas, still think about the little robots on a daily basis. So yeah, I think I might just be stuck like this the same way I'm stuck forever liking animals, ghosts, and roller coasters. Eventually I'll have to get back to drawing my own characters and one day make my own comics and such. But as things stand, I can see myself still drawing MD art for years. One can only hope I can balance the two out

So yeah, how I'm feeling, Excitement for another episode and finally seeing how this all ends. Dread for the inevitable change, not looking forward to that part, (the joys of living with an anxiety disorder am I right fellas? c'est la vie, c'est la mort) and just a touch of nausea, because this is a lot of excitement after just waking up

so anyhow, gunna go watch the trailer on repeat a couple times and then see if I can't calm myself down a bit afterward

[velvetvexations]

There's this intuitive feeling around mpsec orientations that are like, "but that's just not what the word means!", but if you really dig in the issue is that orientations don't really make a lot of sense conceptually because they're inherently tied to binary sex.

For instance, I'm a trans woman. Yet, until I get my tits, anyway, if I'm not wearing a big red bow like Ms. Pac-Man it would be completely impossible to guess that just from looking at me. Because trans women are women, a lesbian could date me and keep her lesbian card, at least among trans positive crowds.

For TERFs, this sounds like a win at first, like I'm pointing out a way in which being trans doesn't make sense because if a lesbian is into someone who looks exactly like a cis man she can't be a lesbian, right? Except...cis lesbians have been made fun of, harassed, and terrorized for their masculinity as far back as can be remembered. Even straight women have been put through the ringer if they don't look feminine enough - I will, for the millionth time, point to Chyna - but among lesbians specifically there have been countless women who could plausibly pass for men if they put just a little bit of effort into it, and many did because being butch as hell is something to be celebrated even if they didn't frame their far-end-of-the-scale butchness as wanting to "pass for men". They could have.

So in both cases, trans or cis, being attracted to a woman who is identical to society's idea of a man is not a disqualifier from being a lesbian. "Political" or "mspec" lesbianism, identifying with lesbianism for a reason other than definitionally being attracted solely to people who identify as women, is the only way the idea of being a lesbian makes sense. It's the only way being gay or straight makes sense. Because gender is so arbitrary, there's no way to make it work unless you're willing to enforce a strict binary that very few queer people want.

Like if you think girls can/should only have soft delicate features and wear lipstick and dresses, fine, I guess it's logically consistent to say being a lesbian is physical attraction to a fixed, limited set of features. But if you're willing to broaden your horizons to any extent, what being attracted to a woman means quickly breaks down. A TERF would say it's physical sex that matters and something something AMAB vaginas aren't the same but I'd like to take a Kinsey Detector and scan a lesbian who loves getting strapped by a hyper-masculine butch to see where she lands.

So there are all these situations where we say "still a lesbian", even though logically the people who are into those girls should be plenty capable of being attracted other people. To bring it back to the trans point of view, I don't really understand how a lesbian could be attracted to me and then turn around and say lesbianism is based purely on what gender you're attracted to, while some would be viciously mean to her and accuse her of transphobia (which I would hate) if she weren't into me. Because what if, hypothetically, I woke up tomorrow and said "you know, I think I'm feeling more comfortable thinking of myself as a man these days " - that changes everything over night? That lesbian is no longer attracted to me when I change my pronouns? What if I had already been thinking that and I just didn't say anything about it, was she attracted to a man for a brief period of time?

Gender and how we classify attraction is just very, very arbitrary. Gender abolitionists see trans people as reinforcing gender, but I've always said that if they thought about it for two seconds they'd realize trans people are a deathblow to everything they hate about gender. They can't separate gender from sex so they see it as trans people wanting every girl who's not traditionally feminine to be boys and every boy who's not traditionally masculine to be women.

And, well, that's one reason I hate egg shit because yeah that is actually kinna doing that. It's at least reinforcing pink=girl mentality. Like to be clear, I'm not saying you can't associate girlhood with the color pink, I just think that when a cis man likes the color pink and you go "have you tried estrogen?" you're not just associating the two concepts but actively backing up the societal expectation that to like pink is to be a girl. It's like the difference between associating candy canes with Christmas and being convinced it's somehow already December again when you see peppermints being sold in the middle of March.

But other than that, which I've gone on the record against over and over, trans people are smashing society's concept of gender into pieces. "Orientation" as traditionally thought of must naturally also come down because it rests atop that foundation.

[vashtijoy]

I feel like you were asked about this but I'll ask just in case.

Does Akechi actually says "The same tactic is used in romance"? When you watch a TV after Nov 20

Hello! The answer is that yes, he really does:

Akechi 拠り所をなくしたところで、一番、敵だと思ってたやつが助け舟を出す。 yoridokoro o nakushita tokoro de, ichiban, teki da to omotteta yatsu ga tasukebune o dasu Once they lost public support, someone they thought was their greatest enemy lent a hand...

Akechi これ、恋愛とかの駆け引きと同じでしょう? kore, ren'ai to ka no kakehiki to onaji deshou? That's the same strategy used in romance, wouldn't you agree? [lit. that's the same sort of strategy as you'd use in a love affair or the like, don't you think?]

Have you ever thought, though, that this sounds like a huge red flag? "I swept in at their weakest point like I would do with a girlfriend"? Like, seriously, Akechi, you're discussing your pick-up artist activities on TV here? Do you really hang out with the guys on Central Street? not that I don't think this is pretty much the approach he would take

There is, of course, something lost in translation here.

駆け引き kakehiki does mean "bargaining", or "strategy". But that's not what it means in context:

「駆け引き」とは、気になる相手を振り向かせるために、押したり引いたりするテクニックのことですが、女性は相手の気持ちを確かめたくて不安になる気持ちから、「駆け引き」をする場合があると言われています。 kakehiki is a technique where you act hot and cold to make someone you like pay attention to you. Women in particular may use it out of anxiety, to test the feelings of their partner.

kakehiki is not just "a strategy". It's specifically acting on-again off-again to keep someone on the hook. Now, this is what Akechi has been discussing in his interview—how he opposed the PTs and then later supported them. So while "the same kind of strategy" etc is not really a mistranslation, the original line is explicit that it's about this on-and-off hot-and-cold manipulative method.

I don't get the impression that kakehiki has the crazy-ex-girlfriend vibe that it would have in English-speaking culture, btw; it seems like a much more acceptable thing. Which makes Akechi's line far more innocuous.

Akechi also says ren'ai to ka—"romance and so on". So this is not just a technique used in romance.

"it required a lot of courage"

One more thing I think is worth highlighting from this interview:

Akechi: Honestly, it required a lot of courage to openly oppose them when their popularity was at its peak. Akechi: I mean, people often lashed out at me online and whatnot.

Akechi has two TV interviews between 11/20 and the engine room. Especially in the second, he's doing what he always does—he tells the truth, while dressing it up. He tells you what really happened, while making it sound like something else.

This is why so many of his lines end up having two or three meanings. For instance, in the "unwanted child" interview, he says "It did make me feel somewhat dizzy... Perhaps my mind was worked up due to the major task I had undertaken"—all of which, of course, is true. He's just omitting to mention what that task was.

So what about drawing the PTs in and betraying them required courage from Akechi? Please don't tell me he was scared of people being mean about him online, though he won't have enjoyed it at all and I'm sure it did give him a bad time.

Was it just that he had to kill two people in real life, face-to-face?—something that, deplorable as it was, would have called for untold levels of resolve. Was it the depth of personal deception and acting talent that the whole Sae's Palace arc demands of him? Or was it something deeper? Something that spoke to deeper things in him, like his need for connection, and friendship? Like his need to be part of a group?

The more I look at the events surrounding Sae's Palace and 11/20, the more I think Akechi struggles with them on a personal level, and that he's supposed to be portrayed that way.

finishing up

Here's the scene:

Notice, as they say, that his face never moves—the sprite never changes, his voice never wavers. This is almost routine; Akechi's TV manner is much more neutral and serious on the news than it is on daytime TV.

The thing is, Akechi isn't being interviewed as an expert here. This is a personal interview: "tell us how you caught the PTs, Akechi-san". It has much more in common with his daytime appearances. And honestly, it's not unprecedented for Akechi to show a little bit of emotion even on the news. You can see this on 7/18, when he's interviewed about Medjed. He doesn't get excited, but he does vary his sprites:

So this lack of affect on 11/23, while not eyecatching, is peculiar. Because what's the context of this—what else is going on? Akechi is a hero now. He's brought an end to the terror of the Phantom Thieves. People are screaming his name; he is everywhere. He has almost everything he ever wanted, right?—though the last thing, the big thing, is still just around the corner.

You'd think he could manage at least a smile, whether the leader of the PTs just committed suicide or not. You'd think he could at least sound enthusiastic. And you can tell, actually, that he's trying for that. That "it's the same strategy used in romance" is classic daytime TV Akechi. It's the sort of thing he says with a wink to knock down cooing presenters on rainbow couches.

But he doesn't even smile. He doesn't really even change his tone. He could be reading from an autocue; his mask is locked in place. And in his next and last interview, we'll get a glimpse of what's going on behind that mask—and exactly how not self-satisfied it is:

[archer3-13]

Iiiiiiii got through aaaaalllll the stormblood job quests. wo. and further more ho.

my advice to anyone doing this, outside of "get as many exp boosting items as you can", would be to only bother with picking up all the jobs far down the line. your soul will thank you for it.

like i only did it, cause i wanted to do all the job quests at relatively appropriate points in the story. but frankly very few of the job quests benefit from that approach storytelling wise so. yeah.

ranking the quests

dark knight. it gets off to a bit of a rough start, but its intentionally confusing nature works in this instance via returning to the jobs roots so to speak with soul partition. in this case, instead of the wol's repressed anger at always having to save the world, its the wol's repressed grief at the destruction and death that follows in their wake. and well the details could stand to be hammered out a bit, the quest on the whole handles itself quite well and has a show stopper ending that neither feels too overwhelming nor too easy and understated. ive heard it said that having the wol feel guilty over some of the figures myste summons is a lost cause, but thats rather missing the point. the point is not whether or not the wol is bad for killing them, so much as it is highlighting the very real sense of guilt that comes from such an action regardless especially when the humanity of these figures is constantly blasted into the wol's face.

samurai. solely because it makes me sad over what could have been if we actually got to play around in a hinagashi plot as opposed to it's kiddy pool in kugane. sadly it is also not a story i would cite as particularly memorable, which is a dire sign for the rest of the list frankly.

bard. the gay adventures between twink bard and twink lancer continue. another glimpse into "what could have been", in this case the fascinating world of geopolitics and cultural clashes between ala mhigo and gridania. blah blah, another example of how gridanias a lot more flexible and open minded then fans tend to make it out to be sure, but mostly i just find the subject of the autumn war fascinating as well as the topic of ala mhigo annexing land from gridania. theres a lot of story that could be built from that! that just isn't! fun! anyways, bard questline works and is also functional if understated.

astrologian. kyokashu is fun, and i'm always a sucker for the more weird supernatural side of things. its issue is that the front halfs offputting for no reason, and that its ending is just kinda eh despite some interesting mechanical play.

ninja. karasu continues to be the most fun character in these stories, and i like how the questline got ya doing more ninja stuff again. its ending definitely feels halfbaked though, if appropriate for something karasu would do. the thing holding it back is that theres not proper sense of escalation, even if all the cameos of previous npcs is fun.

dragoon. usually a highlight for me, sadly it was entirely inoffensive this time. not bad, just this is otherwise a kinda filler fluff kinda deal about helping a dragon kid get his mom and dad back together. cute dont get me wrong, and understandable given heavensward was "dragoon relevant story material, the game". just... kinda sad in relation to being the last proper dragoon questline.

warrior. i thought about putting it above dragoon cause i actually like it more overall. but then i thought about it in relation to the rest of the warrior questlines and remembered "oh yeah. this mess has been all over the place". so pretty good for stmb, but getting nocked down a point for "contexts" sake.

summoner. allagan robots and sentient tomes oh my. not a bad questline, but also kinda empty of anything interesting. everything the allagans show off is about per usual for what we've seen of them, and the sentient book is perfectly well adjusted and approaches everything that happens in a calm level headed fashion. this needed some kind of substantial dramatic hook, or to otherwise lean more into the fluff.

black mage. gets knocked down this far cause i feel it spins its heals on its interesting premise creating a dull overall story. on the other hand, it does salvage things by having some cute character writing all around.

machinist. getting to hang out with hilde sounds kinda fun, but it ends up being an aimless mystery plot that never gets off the ground. plus its final battle was weirdly annoying, and is just bizzare as a whole cause the lady randomly turns into a dragon and then is just not a dragon in the post battle cutscene.

red mage. left me with no strong feelings one way or another, and i feel it was a mistake to get so tied up in all this stuff on magic night freaks cause the story does jack shit with it. you had vampires, and you completely wasted it!!

monk. we are belabouring the fuckin point really, as this is all pretty much shit we've done before but with a new coat of paint.

white mage. normally im an advocate for the white mage questlines, but this one annoyed me in particular, mostly because i found the mother largely unsympathetic in her actions which mostly read as selfish, reactionary and controlling. at most i think her initial actions are understandable if impulsive. afterwards she just annoys me, not helped by her daughter being written as a "perfect lil angel who can do no wrong" kinda stock kid that hacks use when they dont want to write an actually interesting lil kid but still want you to care for them. everyone else is written pretty darn well, see the bard questline rankings about gridania, and i would rank this higher if the emotional heart of the story, the mother and her daughter, were at all written in a competent or compelling fashion.

scholar. made me realize that well i dont mind the nym characters, i actually kinda hate the lil glasses marauder whos attached to you the entire time. its an irrational hatred, but it remains all the same cause i find him both annoying and boring at the same time. another questline that feels like retreading old ground, but at the disadvantage of not being able to pick a lane which means the story runs out of steam by the time it gets anywhere. i always like learning more about adampor, nym and the magi city states however. just... this isn't a good questline.

paladin. suddenly we vear hard back into the gladiator stuff, cause i guess the paladin omegaverse just wasn't hooking anyone. the biggest sin this one commits is that it half assess its premise and has nothing interesting to provide. the actual plot is so inconsequential it gets wrapped up off screen, and we speed our way into a final fight with the blade of naid that was so easy and boring i felt genuinely kinda insulted. combine this questline with the heavensward ones sections about raising that lil elezen dude into a free paladin, and we might actually have something worth a damn.

and as a special side note for anyone who got to the bottom here. general thoughts on the gunbreaker and dancer job intro quests, which i am including separate and leaving unranked cause arbitrary reasons.

gunbreaker is... eh. its the samurai plotline but the teacher doesn't die and generally less emotionally investing. got me interested in whats gonna come up in shb though.

dancer made me think the plot was gonna go in a completely different direction at the start, but instead it just ends up being a pretty stock generic "the power of dance to move peoples souls and exorcise evil spirits" kinda deal. i do enjoy peoples reactions to the wol picking up dancing though, thats genuinely funny.