#Carve 4 Cancer

[semataryyyy]

LYRICS 4 666 PLSSS??

CHE - 666

triple

six

six

six

i’m

so

Fukn

Sick

TRIPLE

SIX

SIX

SIX

IM

SO

FUCKEN

SICK

fuckboy look at my Mufhucken Wrist

Damn

And i got it without Signin no deal

Bitch

But i can still get on that devil shit

Bitch

And ur Bitch like it I’ll take Ya bitch

Bitch

fuck A crucifix on Devil shit

Imma crucifix my wrist

grab My mask devil shit

Brietling bloody Wrissst

shawty carve my name All up on her ribsssss

n scream my name out her lips sass

when i give her this dirty ass 30 inch Dog demon dickkkkkk

six six six six

shawty hide my 30 stick

n pour me some pink quickkkkkk

my evil bitch lickin all night on my dick

smokin cancer sticks by the river styx

i told you that i was sickkkkk

ur boyfriends a lil bitch

my true religion jean pocket filled with them yeller oxy pills

burnin Hundred dollar bills

crucifyn on Ya gurlllll

six six six chevy Donk whips in a circle on the hill

yeaa grave man take your lil lamb n ur lil bands i’m a demon goat 4Real

[tenaciouschronicler]

Februrary 9 2025 2010

LORE DROP! LORE DROP! LORE DROP!

But first lets finish with Slick because huh??

Using the power of sprite flipping, Slick is able to manifest his barcode once again. Such a silly little argument actually becomes poignant who knew? Also not sure how I missed it but the references to SBAHJ were actually links to previous comics. Still doesnt explain their connection but it does make them more than just throwaways.

After scanning the barcode, the doors open revealing something very curious.

Oh yeah buddy, that is definitely a spirograph and this is definitely a bunker.

This guy again?

Been a long time.

A bunker Slick is very familiar with. We dont get much more about this mysterious new figure besides that they are:

grey with orange horns

they have cruxite and captchalouge cards so have to be connected with SBURB

his window matches the panes of Slicks console

theres a sickle on the ground

his shirt has the zodiac symbol for Cancer

and what may be a crab-like Sprite is floating in their room

This guy is obviously a player but they are not from earth so not likely in the same session as John and co. The only references weve had to other worldly beings were from the trolls so could it be this is one of them? And that begs the question of how did they infiltrate the kids session?

The intermission ends with another poorly drawn MSPA panel of this final shot in his room before the curtains close and we start act 4.

FLIGHT OF THE PARADOX CLONES

An interesting title of this act and reminded me of the orchestral piece 'Flight of the Bumblebee' by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov. Looking more into it, the song was originally an interlude piece for one of his operas and "intended to musically evoke the seemingly chaotic and rapidly changing flying pattern of a bumblebee (Wikipedia)." Ive got a feeling things are gonna get crazy this act, more so than weve seen so far especially with whatever paradox clones are.

Act 4 starts us where we left off with John as he passes through the gate to the planet below: The Land of Wind and Shade.

Like we did way back when, this flash is interactive allowing us to explore a part of the planet. On top of that Nanna is still back at the house, unable to join John on his quest, and after interacting with certain parts adds a little more (if cryptic) context.

Lets start with a few visual basics.

(gonna be just as much of a doozy as that house update was so be prepared)

LOWAS (because I am not writing that whole thing out every time) is a very beautiful planet, and not just cause I am biased towards blue. Glowing trees and mushrooms grow everywhere with pipes and Parcel Pyxis scattered around. The previously thought dark rivers are actually full of oil, much like the imps John has been fighting. On LOWAS we find different imps with cat and tentacle features as well as princess costumes; a product of Roses entering the medium. Hanging fairly low are clouds full of 'stars' that are actually Fireflies, trapped by a spell from The Slumbering One. The yellow salamanders that we interact with are the Consorts of this land, self-depreciating little creatures John will have to protect.

Starting with the Parcel Pyxis, these cylindrical objects operate like mailboxes ‘connected to [the] network of pipes’. Pyxis is a small constellation though there doesn’t seem to be a connection beyond a space theme. These operate using Minitablets which look similar to the Captchalouge cards weve seen. These are carved and deposited into the Pyxis for someone else, unknown to the requester, to find and then deposit said item. If you find something in one of these you are ‘obliged to keep it’ as its thought to be ‘a gift from the Breeze’. Looking around at each Pyxis we do find various items as well as more of the oil spewing from one. Of note, one of the Pyxis contains amber much like the one Serenity was in and found by WV. Nanna, after the explanation of the Pyxis, states ‘The true Heir must learn [their] ways … to progress through the Gates.’ So we now have confirmation that John is the Heir of Breath which makes sense with all the talk of wind and Breezes but more on that later.

A group of salamanders can be found who explain more about what happened to this planet. Fireflies as we learned are important and The Slumbering One cast a spell before falling asleep to trap them. At the same time, ‘some really terrible guys’ asked him to create a whole bunch of Underlings which most likely means the imps. Then he clogged the land and pipes with oil sludge so ‘[the planet] can barely breath’. This may be a metaphor for choking out the planet but it could also imply that the planet is alive in someway. Those ‘terrible guys’ turn out to be the Agents, likely guys like Jack, who only became more active ‘when the Heir showed up’. For the Consorts this was only very recently which falls in line with Johns arrival to the Medium and LOWAS. The spell can only be broken when ‘...The Slumbering One is awoken and slain. Then the Breeze will again flow through the pipes…’ freeing the fireflies. So now we have an objective for John to work towards.

Lastly, before we get to the big point, Nanna says ‘Amphibious and reptilian life forms play a special roll in you quest’. This comes after John speaks to a Consort about a broken Cherished Idol which is a statue of a frog. In one of the Pyxis you can actually find a frog labeled ILLEGAL CONTRABAND so the frogs weve seen on Jades island are probably more than just a weird choice. Theres something bigger going on besides ‘really hat[ing] frogs’.

Now the big point. One of the Consorts says ‘Often, wind skims the voids of the Pipes, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered Parcel Pyxis.’ Where have we heard that before? ‘Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox.’ (page 82) There is a Very deep connection here that only gets more interesting. The Consort says ‘It is a lovely sound and brings back fond memories of my childhood.’ while on page 82 it follows with ‘A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.’ Im unclear the exact nature of the connection but just speculating I no longer think that the Wind is Desolation. Instead, keeping in mind desolation is “a state of complete emptiness or destruction”, the note played by the wind used by Desolation is nostalgia. While those memories can be looked at fondly, there is sometimes a sense of loss associated with those memories for simpler times. Desolation is not what we should focus on, though we cant forget it completely, rather we should approach this with focus on the Wind and Breeze and how it will affect and change John especially as the Heir. On another note, the imagery conveyed by talking of Pipes and Breezes reminds me a lot of a pipe organ. Pipe organs work by “driving pressurized air (called wind (!!!)) through the organ pipes” (Wikipedia). Is this Desolations Instrument? And what will this mean for John?

As a final note, there is a spot where you can use the telescope to view Johns home from the planet. This confuses John because isnt he meant to climb the gates? Nanna says ‘to ascend, each time you must first descend’. And something clicked. Each kid at some point descends. John and Rose from their rooms to the ground floor. Dave after hes pushed down the stairs. Jade to the island proper. And each time after they ascend again. John to each platform and eventually the gate. Dave back to the roof to strife with Bro. Rose to the rooftop to enter the Medium. Jade to the entrance of the frog statue.

To Ascend, each time you Must First Descend.

[ms-m-astrologer]

Transiting Mars retrogrades back into Cancer

Timeline (current events in bold)

Friday, October 4, 2024, 04:40 UTC - transiting Mars enters pre-retrograde shadow, 17°01’ Cancer

Monday, November 4, 04:10 UTC - transiting Mars enters Leo

Friday, December 6, 23:33 UTC - transiting Mars stations retrograde, 6°10’ Leo

Monday, January 6, 2025, 20:45 UTC - transiting Mars retrogrades back into Cancer

Monday, February 24, 02:00 UTC - transiting Mars stations direct, 17°01’ Cancer

Friday, April 18, 04:22 UTC - transiting Mars re-enters Leo

Friday, May 2, 2025, 06:06 UTC - transiting Mars exits post-retrograde shadow, 6°10’ Leo

*+=*+=*+=*+=*+=

In his series of books about the astrological elements (fire, earth, air, water), Steven Forrest writes frequently of wishing to shift the basic definition of the planet Mars from “The Warrior,” to “The Protector.” And now is a perfect time to assist with fine-tuning Mars, making him more effective (and frankly palatable): not only is Mars is backing up into the sign Cancer, the sign of the Mother; but the US just had an election driven in part by outdated and toxic notions of masculinity.

Mars in “traditional” western astrology is said to be in its fall in Cancer: a place it doesn’t like and doesn’t understand, where it’s uncomfortable. I would have to agree that - in western civilization* at least - the quiet, sensitive virtues of Cancer are not particularly valued by the Warrior types.

(* Must always remember: when asked, “What do you think of western civilization?” Gandhi replied, “I think it would be a good idea.”)

But the Protector types? Oh, absolutely! They “get” Cancer. “Mama Bear” energy abounds. We don’t start any unnecessary fights, but we don’t back down, either. We create and maintain a safe place for nurturing and healing. We defend our borders, physical and emotional, allowing no one to harm us or our loved ones. We do our thing, and we help our loved ones do their things. There’s no need for the domination and control of “power-over-others” (as Starhawk defined it in Truth or Dare); we choose instead “power-from-within,” personal and spiritual control and integrity, moving always toward “power-with,” working alongside others.

That’s a very tall order, and this Gemini is not convinced we can pull it off over the next 50 days. We can start, though.

Give a day or so on either side of these aspects, and more as we move into February. There are a lot of watery trines and sesquiquads, showing the need to work on strengthening boundaries.

Monday, January 6 - Tuesday, January 7:

Mars Rx/Cancer (29°58’) sesquiquad Saturn/Pisces (14°58’)

Mars Rx/Cancer inconjunct Mercury/Sagittarius, 29°24’

A couple of “intermediate” aspects to get us off to an uneasy start. We’re trying to get something off the ground, but the timing is bad and the signals are mixed.

Sunday, January 12 - Wednesday, January 15:

Mars Rx/Cancer trine Neptune/Pisces, 27°30’

Mars Rx/Cancer (27°03’) semi-square Jupiter Rx/Gemini (12°03’)

Mars Rx/Cancer (26°48’) sesquiquad Venus/Pisces (11°48’)

Mars Rx/Cancer opposite Sun/Capricorn, 26°13’

There’s a Full Moon on January 13, with the Moon conjunct Mars. Being in a crowd may not be the best idea, with these impressionable aspects. Concentrate on carving out that safe place for yourself and your loved ones.

Monday, January 20 - Mars Rx/Cancer square Eris/Aries, 24°24’. On the DonVict’s inauguration day, how fitting. This is another day to avoid crowds, with a potential for acting out our worst tendencies.

Thursday, January 23 - Sunday, January 26:

Mars Rx/Cancer sextile Uranus Rx/Taurus, 23°17’

Mars Rx/Cancer opposite Mercury/Capricorn, 23°12’

Mars Rx/Cancer trine Venus/Pisces, 22°25’

Mars Rx/Cancer opposite Pallas/Capricorn, 22°12’

Here is where we may finally begin to see some progress made. The oppositions give us wise perspective, the sextile to Uranus gives us the opportunity to safely do our own thing, and the trine from Venus makes everyone cooperative.

Thursday, January 30 - Sunday, February 9:

Mars Rx/Cancer inconjunct Ceres/Aquarius, 20°41’

Mars Rx/Cancer square Chiron/Aries, 19°36’

Mars Rx/Cancer inconjunct Sun/Aquarius, 18°49’

Mars Rx/Cancer inconjunct Mercury/Aquarius, 18°39’

Mars Rx/Cancer trine Saturn/Pisces, 18°23’

A lot of discomfort to start with, but the promise of the Saturn trine to bless us when we do the work. Aquarius is very contrary, and can push Mars into being arbitrary just for the sake of being arbitrary - while the Mars-Chiron square tells us to face our wounds bravely. Saturn helps us to be patient and brave through the process.

Saturday, February 15 - Sunday, February 23:

Mars Rx/Cancer (17°27’) sesquiquad Mercury/Pisces (2°27’)

Mars Rx/Cancer (17°06’) sesquiquad Sun/Pisces (2°06’)

Mars Rx/Cancer trine Mercury/Pisces, 17°01’

Sesquiquads are often about the timing being wrong. With all this water, something doesn’t feel right. We have a few days to be patient and keep working. Then there’s the Mercury trine, maturing a mere nine hours before Mars’ direct station: we get it figured out.

[unp0pularl0nerkid]

In Another Dimension Part 5. (Final Part)

Link to Part 4.

After taking a second to get your drunk thoughts in control, what’s next?

After a moment you groan and lay your head on your knees. “Oh my gosh, im so dumb I can’t believe I just did this. You definitely don’t like me now you probably think im a weirdo who can’t control her liquor” you say, voice wobbly and frowning. “It’s okay, it’s happens to the best of us. And I still like you sunshine, trust me, I don’t think that’s something I could just shy away from so easily.” He says with a chuckle. “Why do you call me sunshine?” You ask softly. He takes a seat beside you and contemplates his answer. “Maybe it’s because of the way your skin glows in the sun? Or maybe it’s the way your face lights up when you’re eating sweets? Maybe it’s because that look of determination you get, makes your eyes look hazy like a sunset.” He whispered. “If you got to do something other than run your company what would you do?” You ask looking at him. “I would be a teacher, for high school kids. I know I can’t change what happened but maybe I could impact someone else’s life.” He says looking towards the night sky. “What do you want to do when you graduate?” He asks. “I want to be a vet. One day, me and suguru were on FaceTime and I saw a black cat staring right at me. Like he was trying to tell me something. I showed suguru and said it looked like him and he said maybe that is him, just from another dimension watching over me. So, I took the cat in and did everything I could. But, by the time I figured out it had cancer, it was too late. It had died. I cried so hard and Suguru told me that, me taking in that cat, allowed him to live the best life and have the greatest chance at life. I want to do that for other animals too, like my sugu.” I said a slow tear falling. “You’re an amazing person, and suguru was a proud brother, I know it.” He spoke. You mumble a thank you and fall asleep on his shoulder. He moves your hair out of the way before texting shoko and asking if she could change you into one of his t-shirts.

When you wake up, you’re met with the meanest hangover ever, and you suddenly feel the weight of arms around you. You’re met with a slightly pale chest and the white hair of the boy, you’ve come to know and love. AH!, You think, internally freaking out. You begin to try to maneuver your way from on top of satoru but his arms wrap around you and pull you closer. “Did we-“ you pause, eyes widening. “No, and shoko changed you” he mumbled pulling you back down. Instead of fighting like you normally would, you find yourself comfortable and not revolted and allow sleep to take over. The next time you wake up, satoru is gone and you go into the kitchen to see him making pancakes. “Want some?” He asks. “Sure. I’ll get the strawberry” you say going over to the fridge. “And blueberries” he adds. “Yeah, whatever” you mumble. While yall were eating breakfast. Satoru is the one to break the silence. “I have a place that I want to show you. So get dressed and meet me back here” He says, scrolling on his phone. A place? You think. “What kind of place? Are you trying to kill me” You tease. “Hush. It’s a surprise” He says smiling.

The drive there is quiet, it’s not an awkward silence but somewhat comforting. The place that we pull up to is a beautiful spot that is surrounded by cherry blossoms and weeping willows. Once he leads you down there, you notice a grave that has Suguru Geto on it with the words best friend and beloved brother below it. And some carved and painted a white and black beta fish. “This is a place that I discovered with Suguru. We were in high school and so bored, so we just went exploring until we found this. We always went here to think, even if we didn’t say what was on our minds we just sat here.” He said pausing. “I know Suguru didnt want a funeral, but I wanted him to be at peace with the fact that he would have somewhere on earth to go. To come back and visit or whatever spirits do.” He said forcing a chuckle. When he turns to face you, tears are flowing down your face and you’ve picked up some summer snowflakes, a flower that reminds you of suguru a lot. A sad hue to them (the slight bend) but a pure soul (the white color) and it always pokes out in whatever crowd. You take the flowers and lay it down next to it.

After some silence, Satoru takes your hand and leads you to the little bridge near the pond. At first he sits, taking his shoes off and lets them dangle, and you do the same. “Sometimes, I wonder if I could have saved him? Y’know. Life what if I had been paying more attention to him and noticed it. What if the roles were switched, and I could take all of his pain and make it my own. That way he would still be here in his life. I feel like sometimes im trying to take over his life. Like he would hate me, if he really got to know me” You spoke, tears falling as you look into the distance. “I think, no I know, that Suguru was the type of person that always hid his pain. He’s always had this aura like something had been luring and weighing him down but he kept going. I noticed it but we never spoke about it. I always just went with distraction instead of communication. So if anything, it would have been me who could’ve saved him. I was his bestfrined for years and somehow I just never noticed? What the fuck” Satoru mumbled, more to himself than me. “I think that he wouldn’t want us to speak like this. We can both agree that suguru, even if he felt like he wasn’t, was selfless. He bared the burden of himself in order to spare the effect it would have on others. “I used to tell him that in another dimension things would be different.” You chuckled. “He would ask why I think like that instead of just thinking about the present. But I think, he felt like his end was near in every dimension.” You said. “The reason why you see the beta fish everywhere is from a conversation we had years ago. Id made him take a stupid quiz about which animal he’d be in another life. We both got wolves, but he joked and said I would be a puppy. Then I told him that in another world, wed be fish who swim around eachother and balance our life like yin and yang. Maybe he knew that in any world, balance comes at the cost of something. I guess in this one it was him.” He whispered.

“Do you remember what happened when you were drunk?” He asks, looking over at you.” “Not even a little” you smiled sheepishly. So he tells you. About how yall had a talk and the flirt, and making out with toji, all of it. “Oh my gosh, kill me now” you groan in your hands. “It’s okay, I always knew you’d fall for my boyish charms” He grins with a wink. “As if!” You say pushing him. But the bridge was only so big, and Satoru toppled into the clear koi fish water. Laughing so hard you’re literally crying, Satoru finally comes up for air. He immeidnatly drags you in with him. When you both come up, and his hands being on your waist., All yall are left to do is stare at eachithers lips before you lean in a kiss him, he obviously lets you. Until you realize what you’ve done and try to back away. His hands gripping your waist tighter. “Im in love with you, sunshine.” He says. “Why? How?” You blurt out. “You’re amazing, you don’t back down from challenges, you fluster and look so cute. You’re always determined and hardworking, you’re competitive and you match my sweetooth. You put up with me even Im the biggest pain in the ass..I can’ keep going if you want.” He says and you chuckle. “In a room full of candy, you’re the sweet treat I’d choose” You say and you both end up laughing. “But for real, Im in love with you too, Toru” You say. “Why do you call me sunshine?” You ask. “Because of the way you light up my world. It’s how I know, in any dimension or world, I will always find you and you will always be mine.” He said. And you both just looked out into the sky. You never spoke it but you swear, whether it was in another dimension or maybe another world, you both see Sugurus smiling face right by his grave.

The end! I hope that you like it! I feel like this was a bit iffy from the start but honestly i loved the little talks, it was like a comfort hug

The Final Aesthetics: ——->

[fishnapple]

Hey river ! I am new here, however I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog and would love to know what you would say about Leo north node at 4 degrees in cancer 10h? Thanks for replying and thank you for spreading your knowledge! 🥰

Hello, thank you for your message.

Leo North Node in 10th house

Note: Some of the points below are also applicable to other North Nodes in 10th house.

Self-expression: You are meant to shine, to show yourself to the world for everyone to see. The desire to express yourself and receive attention is there but being in the spotlight and the centre of attention might be a challenge that accompanied by an uncomfortable feeling due to the fear of standing out, being different, being considered self-centered or attention seeking.

Hiding one's uniqueness: Because of Aquarius South Node in 4th house, you might be more used to keeping your interests, your quirks, your individuality hidden and prefer to express them in the safety of your home or in solitary places.

Brand's identity: What can bring you recognition and success is how you can carve a unique identity for yourself, especially in professional settings.

Creativity: Whatever profession you are in, letting your creativity shine will be deeply rewarding.

The call of the heart: You can feel an instinctive call to follow your heart's desire rather than being overly reliant on logical thinking alone. Let your passion be your North Star. Investing your energy in something you feel lukewarm about won't feel satisfactory.

Leadership: You can be used to the idea of being one of the crowd, working as a teammate rather than being the one standing alone, the one giving guidance. There is a need to develop more self-authority, you might not need to lead others but you need to learn to lead yourself. There can be a tendency to decline offers of an authoritative position.

Ambition: The thought of going big, being adventurous and daring, going out of your safe-zone can seem out of your depth but as you grow older, you will gradually embrace that thought more and more.

Working with young people: There can be many instances where you need to be and are called to be a protector of children and the marginalised. You can learn many precious lessons by being and working with children, young people, they will help you connect with your inner child more.

[zodiactalks]

6 Zodiac Signs that Love Monogamous Relationships

While it's still traditional and by far the most common form of relationship, monogamy is no longer the only kind of romantic relationship out there.

Open marriages, polygamous relationships, and other combinations have slowly entered the collective mind and are carving a space in society.

Nonetheless, monogamy remains typical, and while plenty of people who call themselves monogamous cheat on their partners, many others are perfectly happy to be with their other half.

Whether they're doing it out of respect and love for their partner or whether they genuinely can't imagine being with anyone else, the following zodiac signs are the most likely to stick to a monogamous relationship and mean it.

#1 Virgo

Virgos are known for their dedication and commitment to anything they choose to do, and relationships are no different.

If anything, they make even more of an effort.

Virgos work hard on their relationships and are genuinely interested in making them work. They're not known for their flights of fancy, so if they're interested in you, they'll mean it.

On a more cynical side, Virgos are also practical; they recognize that maintaining more than one relationship is too much work and will undoubtedly lead to failure, so sticking to a single partner is only logical.

#2 Leo

Leos love being admired and cared for, which means a stable romantic relationship means a lot to them.

Sure, they can always find people that admire them, but someone who loves them and genuinely gets them is a lot more complicated, and Leos know that.

What's more, though they don't like to admit it, Leos can be pretty possessive, and the idea of sharing their partners with someone else can be too much to bear.

Monogamy, then, is Leo's best option.

#3 Libra

Committed and old-fashioned, Libras genuinely enjoy focusing their attention and romantic feelings on a single partner.

It's not only generally easier, but it's also the best way to dedicate yourself fully to your relationship and really get to know what makes your significant other tick.

Libras aren't risk-takers, and that tends to extend to relationships as well: A comfortable and committed monogamous relationship is way easier than involving other people.

#4 Pisces

Always thinking with their hearts, even the most open-minded Pisces out there will have trouble with the idea of sharing their partner, however temporary and consensual it might be.

Often oversensitive, Pisces can come to doubt themselves in a polygamous relationship, always double-guessing whether the other parties love them as much, and seeing signs of the opposite where there are none.

Pisces individuals are also known for giving too much, so the more partners they have, the higher the chances of giving and giving without asking anything in return.

#5 Cancer

While Cancers could potentially be a match for open marriages and polygamous relationships, thanks to how comfortable they are in relationships in general, they have a dark side that might complicate matters.

When things are going great in a relationship, they'll be the most faithful, protective, and loving individuals to every party involved.

If they start feeling threatened like the relationship isn't fair or that the parties involved aren't equally committed, they can get suspicious, clingy, and outright paranoid.

Still, if they're willing to put in the work to not let their negative thoughts rule them, Cancers have a better shot at non-monogamous relationships than others in this list.

#6 Capricorn

While they're a very sexual zodiac sign, Capricorns are also known for their traditional values and more reserved approach to relationships.

Faithful, practical, and reliable. Building a long-lasting relationship where every party is equally committed is crucial for this sign.

While Capricorns may not have a problem with polygamy and other non-monogamous relationships, per se, they're likely to see monogamy as a time-tested and secure option overall.

Still, Capricorns are notoriously sexual beings, so threesomes, cuckolding, swinging, and other kinks might be explored, provided they keep that kind of exploration in the bedroom.

[tamtam-go92]

Capp II Family

Goneril's husband Albany wanted a big family, and he got it. Will their offspring carry on the Capp traditions, or smash the establishment to smithereens?

While Goneril wanted children, it certainly wasn't her idea to have this many kids. And why does she feel like Albany perhaps married her more for her money than for her love?

Goneril Capp: Age: 31 LTW: Become Head of SCIA Aspiration: Fortune/Pleasure Personality: 8/4/3/5/5 (Capricorn) OTH: Cuisine (with focus on Bartending) Traits: Family-Oriented, Ambitious, Friendly, Eco-Friendly, Vegetarian

Albany loves his children. Too bad they don't love each other. Can Albany convince them that family is important? And can he convince Goneril as well?

Albany Capp: Age: 43 LTW: Graduate 3 Children from College Aspiration: Family/Popularity Personality: 9/8/6/1/1 (Aries) OTH: Science (with focus on Science Games) Traits: Supernatural Skeptic, Hopeless Romantic, Neuritic, Frugal, Clumsy

Miranda's cynical and rebellious—and wants out of her parents' crowded house. Could that explain her sudden interest in Mercutio?

Miranda Capp: Age: 11 LTW: Have 20 simultaneous Lovers Aspiration: Romance Personality: 6/5/3/3/8 (Cancer) OTH: Science (with focus on Biotech) Traits: Ambitious, Neurotic, Lucky, Born-Salesperson

Though he seems abrasive, little Hal is actually a very thoughtful boy. Will he mature into a healthy Sim despite his siblings' torment?

Hal Capp: Age: 8 Aspiration: Grow up Personality: 4/8/5/3/5 (Aries) OTH: Music and Dance (with focus on Banjo) Traits: Vegetarian, Neurotic, Hot-Headed

Desdemona wants to be just like her older sister Miranda. Will she be able to carve her own path in such a large family?

Desdemonda Capp: Age: 7 Aspiration: Grow up Personality: 7/5/4/5/4 (Taurus) OTH: Science (with focus on Stargazing) Traits: Vegetarian, Clumsy, Excitable

The youngest in a large family, Ariel just hopes she won't get lost in the shuffle. Can she get enough attention from her parents with all her siblings around?

Ariel Capp: Age: 1 Aspiration: Grow up Personality: 2/5/7/6/5 (Sagittarius) Traits: Neurotic, Clumsy

[therpistlr]

The Quiet Dawn: A Journey Through Schizoid Shadows"

Chapter 1: The Island of Self

For as long as Liam could remember, he felt like an observer of life rather than a participant. Relationships felt like obligations, emotions were puzzles he couldn’t solve, and solitude was his sanctuary. His apartment was a fortress of books, music, and routines—safe, predictable, and utterly isolating.

At 32, Liam worked remotely as a data analyst, a job that required minimal human interaction. His coworkers knew him only as a name on Slack. His family had long stopped asking why he skipped holidays. "I’m just wired differently," he’d say. But when his older sister left a voicemail about their father’s cancer diagnosis, something shifted. The call went unanswered for days, but guilt—a rare, sharp emotion—pierced his detachment.

Chapter 2: The Crack in the Wall

Liam’s first therapy session was pragmatic, not emotional. "I need strategies to handle family obligations without feeling suffocated," he told Dr. Rivera, a therapist specializing in personality dynamics. She didn’t push him to "open up" but asked curious questions: "What does safety mean to you? What’s the cost of staying detached?"

Slowly, Liam began mapping his inner world. He journaled about his childhood—a strict, emotionally distant father, a mother lost to her own depression. He’d learned early that closeness led to disappointment, so he buried his needs. Therapy became a clinical experiment: What happens if I tolerate 10 minutes of small talk? If I say ‘no’ without guilt?

Chapter 3: The Bridge of Small Risks

Dr. Rivera suggested incremental challenges:

Week 1: Attend a silent meditation group (no pressure to socialize).

Week 4: Text his sister once: "How’s Dad’s treatment going?"

Week 8: Join an online forum for niche interests (astronomy, retro video games).

Liam hated the nausea before each task, but he noticed something odd: the world didn’t end when he interacted. The meditation group’s silence felt peaceful, not threatening. His sister’s grateful reply—"He’s stable. Thanks for asking"—left him with a flicker of warmth.

Chapter 4: The Awakening of Agency

The breakthrough wasn’t emotional—it was intellectual. Liam read about schizoid adaptation as a survival mechanism, not a life sentence. "Detachment protected you," Dr. Rivera said. "But what if it’s now limiting you?"

He began reframing his choices:

Solitude ➔ Intentional alone time (instead of default isolation).

Emotional neutrality ➔ Curiosity about feelings (not pressure to "feel more").

Relationships ➔ Selective connections (quality over quantity).

When his father died, Liam attended the funeral. He didn’t cry or hug anyone, but he stayed. His sister squeezed his shoulder—"I’m glad you’re here"—and for once, he didn’t flinch.

Chapter 5: The Mosaic of Meaning

Liam didn’t become outgoing. He still loved his routines, his books, the stars. But he carved tiny spaces for connection:

A monthly board game night with two astronomy forum friends.

Volunteering at an animal shelter (dogs didn’t demand emotional labor).

Writing匿名 sci-fi stories online, where readers praised his creativity.

He learned to say "I need space" without shame and "Tell me more" without fear. Emotions remained muted, but he noticed subtle shifts—a flicker of pride when his stories resonated, a twinge of loss when his shelter-favorite dog was adopted.

Epilogue: The Quiet Dawn

At 40, Liam sits on his balcony, a rescued greyhound at his feet. His sister texts him memes now. He still dislikes parties, but he hosts small dinners for his two closest friends. Therapy is occasional—a tune-up, not a crisis.

Recovery, for Liam, wasn’t about becoming someone else. It was about choice: building a life that honored his need for autonomy while gently stretching into the world. He’ll always be a quiet soul, but the silence now feels like peace, not prison.

"I’m not broken," he writes in his final journal entry. "I’m a universe contained. And sometimes, that’s enough."

________________________ A Recovery Tool

[mk-writes-stuff]

3. Who do you put through the most emotional turmoil?

4. Which oc has been tortured? Through what means?

Oooooh these are fun ones!

Who do you put through the most emotional turmoil?

Of the seven stations book 1 characters, there’s a lot of competitors, but it’s probably Belladonna. The book is just “Belladonna goes through it.” A short list of turmoil Belladonna goes through book 1 and before:

Abuse by both parents

An eating disorder

Getting disinherited and engaged to a guy she hates without her consent

Sexuality crisis

Realization that everything she’s been told about clones is a lie

Betrayal by who she thinks is her only friend (and crush)

Multiple failures of her plans to try to earn autonomy

I swear I like this character, I really do :)

As for Pirates’ Roost, it’s Tatum once again although there are a lot of contenders. Some of Tatum’s turmoil:

Being extremely sick and having no one believe them

Being abused by their mentor and having no one believe them

Running away from home

Gender crisis

Watching their best friend die in front of them

Being extorted, tortured, and forced to torture others by their best friend’s murderer

Two abusive relationships

Nearly dying of cancer

Medical malpractice

Drug withdrawal

Torture

Getting kidnapped and nearly forcibly transformed into an angel

Realizing they have a brother who’s also being treated like shit by their parents

That’s about it off the top of my head. I might enjoy tormenting Tatum a bit more than is good for poor Tatum :)

Which OC has been tortured? Through what means?

Oh wow. Uh… well I looked up the definition of torture and there’s a lot who fall under it. I’m going to try to list a decent number of them. Seven stations first:

Cassie and Sel. I’m grouping them together because they were both tortured by Cassiopeia, who routinely beats and tortures clones for misbehavior

Nellie. Narcissus drugged her and abused her repeatedly

Stellaris, through attempts to “cure” his autism

Pirates’ Roost… uh… well… most of them to be honest. I’ll probably stick to ones y’all have heard of:

Merry - had sigils carved into his back by his first captain

Malcolm - was regularly beaten by Dray and waterboarded by Jetti. Also had scars carved into his back by Dray

Tatum - was regularly beaten by Jetti. Was once tortured mostly to death by a man named Varis and was once forcibly nearly turned into an angel by a man named Cephlo

Amelia - was kept as a vampire blood slave for about a year

Morrigan - was also subject to the angel thing which involves a lot of torture although she’s a weird case because she did agree to it

There’s a few others but I think those are the ones you’ve heard of and this post is getting long so I’ll cut it here. I hope you enjoyed, thanks for the ask!

[sacrifeis]

﹟ 𝙁𝙇𝘼𝙈𝙀𝙎𝙏𝙑 ⁝ welcome eleanor tully to king ’ s landing . the lady of riverrun is known to all as a charming , loyal individual . however , amidst the chaos of the realm , they find themselves becoming more vain and manipulative . visions of flowing fabrics in shades of blue and silver , reminiscent of the waters of riverrun . freshwater pearls woven into the braided styles of noble , coquettish youth . a relentless wondering of your place in this world , youngest of five .

INDENTIFICATION .

full name : eleanor tully

title : lady

nicknames : ellie ( family and close friends only . )

gender : cis - female

pronouns : she & her

age : twenty - five

place of birth : riverrun , the riverlands

current location : king ' s landing , the crownlands

nationality : westerosi , riverlander

PHYSICAL EXAMINATION .

face claim : phoebe dynevor

hair color : light auburn

eye color : river blue

height : 5 ' 5 " ( 165 cm )

usual expression : open , amicable

distinguishing characteristics : soft , well kept auburn hair and a porcelain - like complexion . her coloring brings attention to tully blue eyes

PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION .

zodiac sign : leo sun , libra moon , cancer rising

meyer - briggs : esfp : the entertainer

enneagram : type 3 , wing 4

moral alignment : chaotic neutral

positive traits : charming , optimistic , ambitious , adaptable

negative traits : vain , insecure , manipulative , jealous , superficial

CHARACTER COMPARISONS .

amy march ( little woman ) , margaery tyrell ( a song of ice and fire ) , emma woodhouse ( emma ) , lydia bennett ( pride & prejudice ) , scarlett o ' hara ( gone with the wind ) , marianne dashwood ( sense & sensibility ) , lavinia swire ( downton abbey ) , rosaline capulet ( still star - crossed )

STORY .

born  in  the  quiet  halls  of  riverrun,  eleanor  tully  is  the  youngest  of  five  children,  always  living  in  the  shadow  of  her  older  siblings.  as  a  child,  she  watches  with  wide  eyes  as  her  sisters  parade  in  their  beautiful  gowns  and  sparkling  jewels,  each  day  filled  with  the  laughter  and  chatter  of  family  life.  but  when  her  father  sends  her  to  winterfell  to  foster  with  her  aunt,  she  finds  herself  in  a  world  as  different  from  her  own  as  the  summer  sun  is  from  the  winter's  chill.  the  north  is  a  land  of  stark  beauty,  where  the  wind  howls  through  the  trees  and  snow  blankets  the  ground,  yet  eleanor  longs  for  the  warmth  and  color  of  the  south,  where  life  feels  vibrant  and  alive.

when  she  returns  to  riverrun  as  a  young  woman,  the  pressure  to  marry  and  secure  her  place  in  the  world  weighs  heavily  on  her  shoulders.  her  family  eyes  her  with  hope,  eager  to  see  her  follow  in  her  sisters'  footsteps  and  catch  the  attention  of  a  worthy  suitor.  but  eleanor  is  no  simple  girl  to  be  wed  off  without  a  thought.  beneath  her  charming  smile  lies  a  fierce  desire  to  carve  out  her  own  path.  as  whispers  of  marriage  proposals  surround  her,  she  begins  to  learn  the  art  of  courtly  games,  determined  to  use  her  beauty  and  wit  to  her  advantage.  yet,  even  as  she  navigates  the  complexities  of  her  future,  the  allure  of  the  south  still  tugs  at  her  heart,  a  reminder  of  the  life  she  yearns  for  beyond  the  walls  of  riverrun.

WANTED CONNECTIONS .

the spider ' s web . a  cunning  and  influential  court  figure  who  sees  eleanor’s  potential  and  skillfully  weaves  her  into  their  intricate  web  of  manipulation.  they  teach  eleanor  the  art  of  courtly  games,  molding  her  into  a  political  player,  but  their  tutelage  comes  with  strings  attached—and  eleanor  may  eventually  find  herself  tangled  in  their  schemes. ( 0 / 1 )

the serpent in silk . a  beautiful  and  ambitious  rival  who  competes  with  eleanor  for  attention,  influence,  and  status.  beneath  their  charm  and  grace  lies  venomous  intent,  and  their  relationship  is  a  constant  back-and-forth  of  subtle  sabotage  and  power  plays.  this  rivalry  forces  eleanor  to  sharpen  her  own  manipulative  skills,  testing  her  limits. ( 0 / 1 )

the thorned rose . a  suitor  who  is  captivated  by  eleanor’s  beauty  and  charm  but  harbors  their  own  ambitions.  the  thorned  rose  presents  a  relationship  full  of  intrigue  and  complication—either  as  someone  eleanor  can  use  to  advance  her  status  or  as  a  potential  love  interest  who  challenges  her  to  confront  her  deeper  insecurities  and  desires.  whether  they  bloom  together  or  hurt  each  other  with  their  ambitions  remains  to  be  seen. ( 0 / 1 )

the charming rogue . a  dashing  and  charismatic  individual  who  effortlessly  captures  the  attention  of  all,  including  eleanor.  their  playful  banter  and  flirty  demeanor  create  a  whirlwind  of  attraction  that  draws  her  in,  igniting  her  vanity  and  desire  for  attention.  however,  beneath  the  charm  lies  a  mysterious  past  and  ulterior  motives.  this  flirtation  challenges  eleanor  to  navigate  her  feelings  and  ambitions,  forcing  her  to  consider  whether  their  connection  is  genuine  or  just  another  game  in  the  court. ( 0 / 1 )

the mirror . a  confidant  who  reflects  eleanor’s  true  self  back  at  her,  seeing  past  her  outward  beauty  and  ambition  to  the  vulnerability  beneath.  they  are  someone  she  can  be  real  with,  offering  a  rare  and  cherished  bond.  however,  as  eleanor  delves  deeper  into  manipulation  and  superficiality,  their  relationship  may  fracture,  forcing  her  to  confront  whether  she’s  losing  herself  in  the  process. ( 0 / 1 )

the fox in the henhouse . a  clever  opportunist  who  seeks  to  exploit  eleanor’s  rising  influence  for  their  own  gain.  the  fox  flatters  eleanor  and  tempts  her  with  the  promise  of  more  power,  alliances,  or  wealth,  but  always  with  a  hidden  agenda.  eleanor  must  learn  to  recognize  their  schemes—or  she  might  end  up  their  pawn.  alternatively,  she  could  embrace  the  partnership  for  mutual  gain. ( 0 / 1 )

the iron butterfly . the  most  powerful  woman  at  court,  both  admired  and  feared  by  all.  this  formidable  figure  becomes  eleanor’s  role  model,  someone  she  initially  idolizes  and  seeks  to  impress.  as  eleanor’s  own  ambitions  grow,  she  must  decide  whether  to  remain  an  ally  of  the  iron  butterfly  or  challenge  her  for  dominance.  their  interactions  push  eleanor  to  decide  whether  she  wants  to  be  a  graceful  follower  or  a  dangerous  rival. ( 0 / 1 )

[subir-astrologer]

RAHU IN 1ST HOUSE AND THE NATIVE PERSONALITY

In Vedic astrology, Rahu in the 1st house has a profound impact on a person's personality and overall life experience. Rahu, being a shadow planet, is associated with illusion, desire, ambition, materialism, and unconventional thinking. When placed in the 1st house, which represents the self, physical appearance, and the personality, it shapes these aspects in the following ways:

Personality Traits of a Native with Rahu in the 1st House:

1. Strong Desire for Recognition: The native may be highly ambitious and eager to gain recognition, fame, and social standing. They often have a powerful desire to establish themselves, especially in unconventional or innovative ways.

2. Magnetic and Charismatic Personality: Rahu can give a certain mysterious and magnetic appeal to the native. These people may have a unique or unconventional way of presenting themselves, attracting attention from others.

3. Restlessness and Instability: Due to Rahu's unpredictable and fluctuating nature, the native may experience inner restlessness, and their life might be marked by ups and downs. This can manifest as a desire for change and novelty, making it difficult for them to feel settled.

4. Non-conformist and Rebellious: Individuals with Rahu in the 1st house often have a rebellious streak. They tend to question traditions and norms, preferring to carve out their own path in life. This makes them open to taking risks or pursuing careers and lifestyles that may be considered unusual.

5. Confusion Regarding Identity: There can be a sense of confusion regarding their sense of self, as Rahu clouds clarity. The native might struggle with self-identity, frequently adapting to different personalities or personas to achieve their goals or gain acceptance.

6. Materialistic and Worldly Desires: Rahu represents worldly pleasures, so the native may have strong materialistic desires. They may seek luxury, status, and wealth, sometimes in an obsessive manner.

7. Challenging Relationships: Rahu's influence may create difficulties in relationships, particularly due to the native’s unconventional approach to life. There might be misunderstandings or misalignments with others, and they may sometimes appear manipulative or overly focused on personal gain.

8. Sharp and Intelligent Mind: Rahu in the 1st house often bestows intellectual sharpness, creativity, and resourcefulness. The native is likely to think outside the box and come up with innovative ideas or strategies, often outsmarting others in competitive environments.

9. Health and Appearance: Depending on the sign and aspects of Rahu, the native’s physical appearance can be distinctive, sometimes unusual, or striking. They may also face health issues due to Rahu’s malefic influence, especially those related to stress, addictions, or toxic substances.

Impact of Rahu in Different Signs in the 1st House:

Aries: Aggressive, bold, and extremely ambitious.

Taurus: Materialistic, focused on wealth and luxury, with a stubborn nature.

Gemini: Skilled in communication, witty, and versatile but prone to nervousness.

Cancer: Emotionally intense, with desires tied to family and security.

Leo: Dominating, seeks recognition, and has a strong desire for leadership.

Virgo: Analytical, calculative, and focused on perfection but can be anxious.

Libra: Charmingly diplomatic but may manipulate relationships for personal gain.

Scorpio: Secretive, intense, and prone to obsession or extreme behaviors.

Sagittarius: Adventurous, unconventional in beliefs, and desires to break free from restrictions.

Capricorn: Practical and ambitious, with a strong desire for authority.

Aquarius: Revolutionary, non-conformist, and drawn toward progressive or unusual ideas.

Pisces: Spiritual or escapist tendencies, creative, and drawn to illusion or fantasy.

Remedies:

Since Rahu can create challenges related to confusion, obsession, and instability, individuals with this placement are often advised to follow certain remedies in Vedic astrology, such as:

Worshipping Lord Shiva or Goddess Durga.

Chanting Rahu-related mantras like "Om Raam Rahave Namah."

Wearing gemstones (like Gomed) or rudraksha associated with Rahu, depending on individual charts.

Regular meditation to calm the mind and reduce confusion.

In summary, Rahu in the 1st house can create a complex, ambitious, and sometimes enigmatic personality. The native may be highly driven but can struggle with issues related to identity, restlessness, and material obsession. Proper guidance and remedies can help mitigate some of the negative effects.

[astrolocherry]

1/4 ~ There's a Storm in Alice's Teacup...

This week we have the Aries Sun conjunct Jupiter trine transiting Mars in Cancer square Saturn in Pisces. ~This can produce an experience of obstacles seeming to appear in every direction that you take. The pressure of oppression and resistance is the weight that you can use to launch into the direction that you really want to go. ~The archetypal Cancer and Pisces symbolise The Visionary. Mars is the call to action, while Saturn provides the grounded framework to transform immaterial into material. ~This combination can result in emotional inflammation when it comes to setting new challenges and carving greatly inspired ambition.

There's a storm in Alice's teacup, and it has the power to force waves in the real world. ~ Cherry

[ms-m-astrologer]

The Week Ahead: February 24 - March 2, 2025

Executive summary: rest up, and make sure you have provisions.

Lunar Phases:

Monday, February 24, 14:05 UTC - Balsamic Moon, 21°13’ Capricorn

The key phrases for the Balsamic lunar phase are “let go of the past,” and “envision the future.” Carve out some ��alone” time and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Friday, February 28, 00:45 UTC - New Moon, 9°41’ Pisces

The key phrase for the New lunar phase is “set a new intention for the month” - however, this particular New Moon isn’t very well aspected. And, eclipse season starts next week. “Going with the flow” may be the best intention now, along with being kind.

Monday, March 3, 07:16 UTC - Crescent Moon, 27°57’ Aries

The key phrase for the Crescent lunar phase is “gather and mobilize resources.” This falls toward the end of a very long void Moon of over 20 hours. After the Moon enters Taurus, focus on the basics.

Void of Course Moon

Tuesday, February 25, 03:28 UTC (Capricorn) - 05:40 UTC (Aquarius)

Wednesday, February 26, 22:04 UTC (Aquarius) - Thursday, February 27, 08:46 UTC (Pisces)

Saturday, March 1, 08:05 UTC (Pisces) - 08:52 UTC (Aries)

Sunday, March 2, 13:52 UTC (Aries) - Monday, March 3, 10:37 UTC (Taurus)

Retrograde/Direct/Etc.

Pre-retrograde shadow: Mercury/Pisces (starting Saturday the 1st), Venus/Aries (until Sunday the 2nd), Juno/Sagittarius, Vesta/Scorpio

Retrograde: Venus/Aries (starting Sunday the 2nd)

Post-retrograde shadow: Mars/Cancer (starting Monday the 24th), Jupiter/Gemini

Transiting Mars stations direct on Monday, February 24, 02:00 UTC, at 17°01’ Cancer. Yippee! Mars won’t be “up to speed” (so to speak) for a few weeks yet, so move ahead crab-wise, cautiously, and slowly. Listen to your gut (Cancer rules the stomach).

Transiting Mercury enters its pre-retrograde shadow on Saturday, March 1, 07:59 UTC, at 26°46’ Pisces. Whatever you have to do to calm your mind, do it.

Transiting Venus stations retrograde on Sunday, March 2, 00:36 UTC, at 10°50’ Aries. Watch all those old lovers crawl out of the woodwork! Not a good time to start anything new in the art, beauty, love, and money departments. Concentrate on what you already have in hand.

Et Cetera

There are two Opportunity Periods this week:

Monday, February 24, 08:41 UTC - Tuesday, February 25, 03:28 UTC. “This is a great opportunity to wrap up ongoing projects and accomplish goals during the Last Quarter Moon.”

Friday, February 28, 23:32 UTC - Saturday, March 1, 09:52 UTC. “Great to have fun, see old friends, and expand your mind.”

As mentioned above - the “shadow of the eclipse” starts next week, on Tuesday, March 4. This period of time begins ten days before the first in a series of eclipses, and ends three days after the last one in the series. This time, the shadow ends on Tuesday, April 1 - and if you don’t want to be April Fooled, then don’t start anything for which you care about a specific outcome.

So, for this week, rest - meditate/pray - and be kind.

[foster-the-world]

So fun

Halloween was so fun. Kids trick or treating was great. Met up with three other families from school. In-laws came down. Baby boy was very happy and his behavior wasn't bad. We did give him the phone in the stroller for the last half hour. Both of us wanted to stay out to enjoy the time with the girls and he was understandably finished. He dazed out on the TV so we could all stay out until 7:30/8pm.

Its no surprise NYC goes over board and I love it so much. Nearby we have a neighborhood nonprofit - called Marcus meets Malcolm because its on Malcom X near Marcus Garvey park. I adore the name. They do a ton of events for the kids. The street is lined with huge, stunning brownstones that go all out. For Halloween alone they do a pumpkin carving night, a vejigante mask making night, an outdoor movie night, a healthy cooking meal night and hourly activities from 4-8pm on Halloween. Its the same for every holiday. For Christmas they also have a black Santa - which means I don't have to search for one. It creates such a nice neighborhood feel.

The girls were beyond happy. Lots of dancing took place. They were very inefficient so didn't get much candy - which was A-okay with me. One family friend spent the night with us. Her Mom is currently fighting cancer so were happy to help out. She's in third grade so no trouble at all. The in-laws were very happy to see the kids. It was kind of difficult to keep track of them a block behind us while baby boy runs a block ahead of the group but we made it worked.

So much fun and now I'm glad to have it all finished. One bag of Halloween decorations will be put away until next year. I received the Boden Christmas catalogue. Trying to remind myself my children do not need overpriced Christmas themed clothes they can only wear for one month a year. Especially not when they wear uniforms to school so only have two days a week to wear everyday clothes. But its so damn cute.

[crowskyler]

About a month ago, my grandmother — my last living grandparent, on my dad's side — died. I've been wanting to sit down and write about it, but I haven't been able to actually do it before now.

It wasn't a shock. Her health had been declining for several months, and she'd been moved into hospice care roughly a month or so before. Two types of cancer and various other kinds of organ problems were the culprit. At 95, treatment options were limited, and she'd refused to do anything about it for months. I know this seemed to frustrate my dad, who went right into fight mode the second she needed to go to the hospital. He was carving out a plan with a specialist while my grandmother was sent to a physical therapy and care facility, where he had to fight her insurance tooth and nail — despite her not having able to walk more than a few feet.

Then a doctor from her plan got in touch with him and asked him why he was putting her through this. She was in so much pain from everything. He wanted to fight, but she didn't; she was over it. The doctor managed to convince my dad that she needed hospice care, to put together a plan to make her comfortable. And it worked. My grandmother was in much less pain when she passed, thanks to painkillers. When my dad told me she'd stopped eating, I knew what was about to happen. But my mind didn't really know what to do with the information.

I was at work when he called me, cleaning rooms at the hotel. Luckily it was a slow day and I only had to work a little bit more before I could go home, but I had to come in the next day. I was fine — unless someone talked to me about it, and then I was an instant crying wreck. I couldn't talk about it at all. My coworkers gave me a few hugs — the only people who did, and I'm grateful to them — and I managed to mostly get through the day, blessedly having two days off after that to attempt to process everything.

Or, I thought I was processing. But as I've come to realize, it was much slower than that.

My grandmother was the last of her friends to go, something that I'm sure made her feel pained and lonely; her best friend had died roughly a year ago, a lovely lady named Dorothy whom she'd talked to multiple times a day, for decades. Losing Dorothy took something out of her. Maybe that was the start of all of this. When my grandmother had been admitted to the hospital nearly 4 months ago, I'd started to see the writing on the wall. I'd already done some grieving and worrying. When she passed, I was able to feel a little glad that at least she wouldn't suffer anymore, laying in that bed and wanting to go back home.

As it turned out, my dad and the rest of my family very quickly went into practicality mode. My coworkers had put together a little lump sum for us, very kindly, and I offered to pay for a meal for all of us. A wake situation, or celebration of life — whatever you want to call it. My dad seemed bemused by the offer. Nothing's been organized. Instead, the project has been my grandmother's home. He offered for my sister and brother-in-law to buy it, and that's what they've decided to do, and now that's consumed everything. Sorting belongings, contracts, and finding an estate sale service to clear out everything we don't want. We're still in the middle of that. My sister sold her house and has about two more weeks until they have to move out. The estate sale will be this weekend, I think.

It's not my place to organize a celebration of life, or anything like that, but I've felt the absence. We had a wake for my mom a week after she died. Now, nothing. Just divvying up her belongings. Maybe we're waiting until my uncle can come down from where he lives, in about a month or so, I don't know. But my grief has sat nearly raw within me for weeks. When I go over to my grandmother's house to help out, it threatens to overwhelm me at least once. But with the exception of my brother coming over and breaking down a few times, my family's shown almost no emotion except on the actual day — when I heard it in my dad's voice. It's weird. Aren't we supposed to be commiserating and celebrating her in this time? But instead they're just gutting her house and acting like all of this is such a nuisance.

It's strange to get a hug from my coworkers and not my actual family. The silence has been deafening, from them and from the friends I've told. It's fine. I keep myself operating — mostly. And the lack of anything gave me a revelation, of sorts. When I was fifteen, I decided that I wanted to write. That's what I wanted to do more than anything. When I cleaned out a folder at her house, I found a story I wrote when I was a kid. Just some nonsense, but my grandmother had kept it for all of these years. She'd been an avid reader and had always wanted to read my writing, but after my mother had done so — and criticized it horribly — I became cagey about letting my family read anything. I'd wanted to become a published author, to present my grandma with a book she could read; to make her proud. But that hasn't happened. Depression and full time work have been a huge setback for years. And now she's gone, and I never had anything to show her.

I have many fond memories of waking up in the sun on her couch, while hearing the strum of my grandfather's guitar or the gentle brush on his drums, and smelling their coffee while my grandmother made us pancakes. My grandmother loved pizza, and she would often get it for dinner while I was there — and then we would have a cold slice of pizza for breakfast the next morning, another of her favorite things. She would give me a mini art lesson in the afternoon, or take me out for a walk, or let me play with all of her bead-making materials. In the late afternoon, she'd give me gardening tips while we weeded her yard and checked her tomatoes. In the evening we'd watch television. I'd sometimes beg to watch a nature documentary, which she was also happy to watch, or I'd content myself with whatever she found. On Saturday mornings we'd all watch cartoons together.

My grandmother was the most supportive person I knew as a kid, she would always listen to what I had to say. Even if she found it silly or weird, she would answer with words that made it clear that I was heard. As a teen who struggled with self esteem, it was everything to me. It's hard to accept that we can never talk about animals again (a mutual love of ours), or art; it's even harder to know that I'll never be able to listen to another of her lovely and funny stories. She had so many funny stories about the shenanigans of past pets and friends, and interesting stories about growing up in a rural and much less developed California. She taught me everything that I know about gardening.

And now I have to accept that I disappointed her, just like I've disappointed everyone else.

She would never say so, to be clear; she would hug me and tell me that she loves me no matter what, because that's the kind of person she was. If I said anything like this to her, she would tell me that I'm enough, I'm sure. But I've never managed anything impressive, or even average, and I know people in this family view me as a failure. I wish, desperately, that I had been able to do something to show her otherwise. Instead, I'll just have this emptiness for the rest of my life. No wonder so many people think of the afterlife as a shining place above, where you can watch your family below; future triumphs could be viewed by the dead, giving you comfort in life.

I hope writing down some of this has calmed the churning parts of me that haven't found any rest, these past few weeks. I'd like to start healing from this profound misery.

[lilyevanstan1325]

✨ Astral Lovers ✨

Chapter 6

Lily POV

When I open my eyes I only see the ceiling of my bedroom.

A tear escapes from my eyes.

I lie down staring at nothing for I don't know how long.

My gaze wanders without a fixed goal.

Only afterwards I realize that I am wearing the clothes of the previous evening.

When I went up to my room last night, I threw myself directly on the bed.

Too busy with events to even have the strength to think about taking a shower and putting on a pajamas.

Last night...

I sigh.

I sit up bringing my knees to my chest, I wrap my arms around them where I rest my left cheek.

I am facing the window.

It is still dark outside.

The clock on the wall strikes 4:10 AM.

My mind immediately flies to the dinner with my father.

It all seems so absurd.

I didn't think he really missed mom, they only fight in the end.

And then there was that secret.

What I never had the courage to reveal to my parents.

Dad had prepared the divorce papers.

I had found them one day, by pure chance.

My mom was already ill, we had been diagnosed for about a week.

At the hospital we were asked for insurance documents, for health coverage.

So, after I got home from school, I took a shower and started looking for those documents.

I didn't want to waste my father's time so he could go straight from the office to the hospital without the hassle of having to go home and waste more time.

Wasting more time that he could have spent with her.

I thought I was doing both of them a favor.

He seemed to be getting closer to her, they seemed to be the close-knit couple of when I was little.

And instead I was wrong.

I rummaged through mom's drawers but found nothing.

But then I remembered that dad kept all the bookkeeping in his office.

So I ran downstairs and went into his study.

His Sancta Sanctorum.

Behind a double door, of heavy mahogany, was a huge room.

Full of shelves, almost to the ceiling, and filled with hundreds of books.

In the center of the room is his carved desk from the end of the 19th century.

My father's great pride.

I found it creepy.

Made of boise de rose, with the four legs carved with intricate weaves of ivy and here and there a few faces of cherubs.

But they had nothing of angelic.

They have fixed and empty gazes.

As if they saw through time and space, hiding disturbing secrets.

I open the various drawers and start looking.

I can't find anything until I find a file in the bottom drawer.

I opened it because it didn't show any details externally.

Maybe luck was on my side and I would find what I was looking for.

Instead...

I read it all greedily.

I remember having to sit on the ground, my head spinning and I was nauseous.

I couldn't believe it.

He wanted a divorce.

He was at her bedside pretending to be desperate and instead he would come out clean.

He would be the poor grief-stricken man left to raise a troubled teenage daughter.

Why does he raise a fuss about the beautiful person of him asking for a divorce?

Soon he would be a widower.

Soon she would die.

I wanted to throw up.

But I took the hit and put on a mask.

I pretended nothing happened.

Although outside I seemed the portrait of the peace of mind, inside me I screamed and burned.

I had hell in my heart and soul.

That was the moment I began to hate that man.

I cross my legs and hide my face in the palms of my hands.

But now, after our heart-to-heart chat, I could have given him the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe with mom's illness he realized that deep down they still loved each other and that they were just lost along the way.

That together he could face everything, maybe even defeat cancer.

I take another look at the clock.

It's 4:30 AM.

I decide to get up and take a shower, at 6 I should have been at work.

I get up with a sigh and go to the bathroom.

In front of the mirror I begin to undress.

I open the first buttons of the shirt but then I remember to take off the necklace and earrings first.

I tilt my head slightly so that through the mirror I can see the hook of the earring and remove it.

Removed the first I go for the second.

But I make a horrible discovery.

The earring is not there.

No.

No.

No no no.

I run back to my room, taking care not to make any noise, and begin to search.

It can't be.

It can't be true.

I check on the bed, take off the sheets and blankets and throw them on the floor.

Turned my desk and jewelry box upside down.

I kneel on the floor, feeling it inch by inch with both hands.

Nothing, I can't find it.

I go down to the kitchen hoping that I have lost it there.

I leave my room and go down the stairs without even touching the ground.

My eyes becomes wet, I can feel it but I push back the tears.

I feel my chest hurts so bad.

"Please.Please.Please" I murmur under my breath.

"Hey what are you doing?Do you know what time it is?"

I don't even turn around.

I limit myself only to responding on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

"The earring.I lost my earring."

My father doesn't seem to understand so he goes around me to parry him in front of me.

"What are you talking about, Elisabeth?"

"Don't call me Elisabeth!" I explode.

"Mom's earrings.Her favorites.I only had one this morning"

Tears break their bank.

"Maybe you lost it from Jhon.Or on the street"

"You don't help, dad!"

"I'm just saying you need to calm down.It will come out"

"What if it doesn't?I know this will look stupid to you but they were her favorites.She loved them.Me too.She gave them to me when she was on that damn hospital bed.It was her last gesture of love for me"

I'm sobbing now.

My father place himself in front of me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

I'm tempted to shake him off but I hold back.

"As I have already told you I am convinced that it will come out.Now prepare yourself otherwise you will be late for work" and so saying he takes his newspaper, his coffee and leaves the house.

I imitate his voice.

"I'm sure it will come out"

"Dumbass!"

With a heavy heart as a boulder I go back to the bathroom.

I finish undressing and throw myself under the boiling water.

In contact with water, my skin releases a fragrance that teases my mind.

Sandalwood and bergamot.

Steve's bubble bath.

How the hell is that possible?

God I feel my head explode.

I begin to cry even harder.

The shower washes away the tears which are promptly replaced by the others.

For a moment with the earring drama I had forgotten about Steve.

And now him had surfaced.

As if a bomb had gone off in my head.

Like a punch in the stomach.

I don't know what to do.

I'm tired.

Mentally tired.

What if I'm just going crazy?

What if my brain had something wrong?

I shake my head leaving everything out and try to prepare myself in time so as not to be fired.

I retrace the road from the previous evening with my eyes glued to the asphalt.

With the hope of seeing my little earring shine.

A simple butterfly with wings studded with aquamarines.

Blue like his eyes.

That's enough.

I need to stop.

I arrive at the bar more disconsolate than ever.

I ask Jhon if he has seen it by chance but he replies in the negative.

But soon after he notices that I'm quite upset so he promises me that he would keep his eyes open and that he would ask the cleaning company if they noticed anything during their shift.

"Thanks Jhon.It would mean a lot to me"

"It's ok Lily, don't worry" he replies.

He may seem like a gruff and crazy type but he is absolutely not like that.

The classic appearance deceives.

6 feet tall, weighing almost 100kg, with both arms totally tattooed and long red hair.

I cannot deny that at first glance he incurs a certain fear.

But if you get to know him well he is a good and kind man.

Dedicated to his work and family.

His wife Mary and the twins Cassidy and Kayla.

I start with my job and fortunately it is Monday.

This means it will be a calm morning.

Just a few regular customers.

So I get lost in my thoughts.

Tonight's dream was incredible.

Starting with how Steve saved me from those three men to how he looked at me once we got to his house.

How he lingered on my wet blouse.

I remember having to squeeze my legs together, looking for a relief that would never come.

Not by his hand at least.

And the work shift passes like this, between memories and worries.

At the end of the shift, my head is full of too many images that only destabilize me more and more.

Mostly they are thoughts that portray me and Steve possibly naked.

And then still too many thoughts.

Too many questions.

No answers.

I run home.

After spending all day fantasizing about what might have happened if I didn't break the kiss.

I can't wait to take a cold shower and go to sleep.

I lie down on the bed still wet from the shower, wrapped in my soft bathrobe.

My mind now flies.

I go back to imagining Steve's tongue that sweet but firm enters my mouth.

My mouth that responds immediately by moving following his pace.

His hands move from my face to caress my breasts through the fabric of the t-shirts.

My hands that go down to the bottom hem of his shirt and then slip them underneath.

My hands touching defined and tense muscles due to increasing excitement.

A moan leaves my lips as his mouth descends on my jaw and then leaves a trail of fire along my neck.

I feel his tongue lick the portion of skin between the neck and the collarbone.

Then go up to the ear, then bite it and whisper "Will you be a goodgirl for me tonight?"

I moan even louder.

And I also moan in my reality.

I remove the edges of the bathrobe and begin to caress the inside of my thigh with the tips of my fingers.

Slowly I touch along my fold, already hot and wet.

I do up and down with my finger.

I bite my lip.

I guess Steve is doing it.

His fingers.

Carefully I push a finger into my hot fold.

I shiver.

I begin to move it slowly, in and out.

Steve's eyes the only thing I see in front of me.

I insert a second finger and arch my back.

The bathrobe slips uncovering a breast, I grab it with my free hand and tickle the nipple.

Then I drop the hand until with the tips of my fingers I touch the clit.

I caress it and then pinch it.

I instinctively spread my legs even more.

Then I start massaging it, drawing circles with my fingertips while the other hand works from the inside.

Tapping every possible point until I find the right one.

I imagine Steve's face focused on giving me pleasure.

His eyes full of lust as he licks his fingers imbued with my sex moisture in a slow and excruciating way.

An orgasm overwhelms me.

Unexpectedly strong.

I try to catch my breath.

I turn on my side.

I don't believe what I just did.

At this rate, I will never get out of this situation.

And I honestly don't even know if I want to.

Satisfied, I fall asleep with a hint of a smile on my lips.

This time it is broad daylight and I am directly in front of Steve's apartment.

Perhaps with practice I am beginning to manage the situation better.

I knock.

I knock again but I don't get an answer.

Maybe he's at work.

But where exactly does a super hero work?

Does he have a secret place?

A cave?

Like Batman maybe?

These absurd thoughts of mine are interrupted by a deep male voice behind me.

"Erm... sorry?Who are you?" he questions me.

I observe him.

Eyes blue as the dusk sky.

Unkempt beard and wild black locks of hair fall softly on his neck.

He has a black metal hand with gold veins.

"You are Bucky, right?"

It's him, Steve's best friend.

For a moment I can see confusion and surprise in his eyes.

The next moment he realizes.

His eyes harden.

I think he doesn't like me at all.

"You must be Lily.Then you really exist..."

If only he knew the truth...

"Petite and brunette.Now I understand why Steve has lost his mind" Bucky murmurs thoughtfully.

"Ok, this is groos"

I tell him blushing both for what he said and for the thought that I could be Steve's ideal woman.

"You shouldn't be his best friend?" I accuse him with an amused note in my voice.

His arrogance make me want to bother him.

"You know what?" he tells me getting closer and closer.

"You can also have a nice face and use your long eyelashes to charm others.To charm Steve.But it doesn't work with me, doll"

Now we are face to face.

He is also very tall, not as tall as Steve, but I am still forced to tilt my head back to be able to look him in the eye.

For a moment we stare into each other's eyes.

I would like to run away but I won't be intimidated by him.

He notices my change of attitude, he knows that I am challenging him.

And he accepts the challenge.

Ok this hurts.

"Steve is my best friend and I will never let a girl take advantage of him.Of his goodness, of his big heart" he exclaims harshly, "Especially from a girl who doesn't even deign to give him an explanation for his constant escapes.First from the bar, then from his house"

But I soften my gaze.

The way he loves Steve shines through his every word and I can't hate him for that.

The way he loves him is pure.

I'm glad they are friends.

Yes ,I hurt Steve with my behavior, I know.

There is only one solution and I am here for that very reason.

I'm on the verge of tears now.

"It's not what looks like, Bucky.It's something more...complicated..." I croak in a faint voice, "I would never hurt him intentionally!You have to believe me!"

He realizes it and seems to want to tell me something but I lose focus when I see Steve coming behind him.

But he's not alone, with him there is a beautiful woman.

Shit.

My gaze falls on my shoes.

Unable to look at him.

Bucky notices my reaction and softens his gaze.

There is a moment of awkward silence.

In my ears only the sound of my heartbeat and the echo of Bucky's words.

He is right I have to let him go.

The first to break the silence is the girl in the company of Steve.

Her crystalline voice make me look up at her.

"Ok Steve see you soon.Hi Bucky!"

"And hello to you too" she says, turning in my direction.

I observe her.

She is tall and thin.

Blond hair that falls in soft waves on her back, hazel eyes flecked with green.

The perfect woman for a man like Steve.

She is everything I'm not.

I answer her with a hint of a shy smile.

Then I immediately bring my gaze back down.

I feel uncomfortable.

Out of place.

I hear Steve and Bucky greets her and then I can feel Steve's footsteps approaching me.

His shoes appear in my field of vision.

I feel his hand slipping through my hair, then gently grasping my neck and with a light pressure of the fingers he makes me tilt my head to the side.

I look up and meet his wonderful eyes.

He leans over me and leaves a very sweet kiss on my lips.

He takes my breath away.

I don't expected such a gesture.

Moreover in front of Bucky who is now looking at me with an indecipherable look.

"What are you doing here?Is everything okay?I didn't know you would come here or I would be back sooner.Have you been waiting a long time?"

Steve fills me with questions without even giving me time to answer.

My gaze moves back and forth between Steve and Bucky.

But I can't hold on for long.

I look down again.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Steve raise his other hand and then the sound of a snap.

I immediately look up and see Bucky rubbing the back of his neck cursing between his teeth.

"What did you tell her?Did you scare her?"

"No, I...we were just having a chat" Bucky stammers.

Steve holds me close to him and whispers "Forget him, he's just an old grumpy"

My instinct tells me to stick my tongue out but I don't want to be childish.

I look Bucky straight in the eyes, wrapped in Steve's arm.

So I just stare at Bucky with a raised eyebrow.

He rolls his eyes.

Steve and I walk into his apartment.

Bucky refuses, he says that Sam is waiting for him for a beer.

"I wanted to ask you to join us but surely you have better things to do now" so saying Bucky winks at me.

I blush violently and he walks away laughing.

Son of bitch!

"Forgive him.Sometimes he's worse than a kid" Steve tells me, smiling and gesturing for me to follow him to the sofa.

I sit next to him but keeping a certain distance.

Which does not go unnoticed by him.

"Steve it's ok.Bucky has nothing to do with it.He didn't tell me anything.We were just talking when you have arrived"

"What happens?" his voice veiled with concern, "Did Bucky say something to you?Because whatever it is..."

When you arrived with her.

I would like to add but I bite my tongue.

It wouldn't make sense to set up a scene.

He looks at me intently.

"So what's bothering you, honey?"

"Please don't call me that!"

I feel myself on the verge of tears.

I can't handle it anymore.

I jump on my feet and go to the door.

"Maybe it's better that I go.I made a mistake.I shouldn't be here"

I shouldn't be here, how much truth and how much pain in a handful of words.

Before even reaching the doorknob, his strong hand closes around my wrist.

"Please don't go.Talk to me" he begs me.

I narrow my eyes.

One tear escape.

"Whatever it is we will solve it together.You and me.Come with me, let's go for a walk.If after talking I still have not convinced you I will let you go.I promise you"

I nod, I can't deny it.

Outside the sun begins to go down.

We set out and observing the road I think I understand where we are headed.

We are heading to the Hudson river.

It is a small green space.

Nice and quiet.

There is a man walking with his two pitbulls.

Two girls jogging.

They slow down as soon as they see Steve.

They devour him with their eyes and then they giggled among themselves.

He doesn't even seem to notice them.

On the other hand, I feel invisible.

We head to a bench, positioned right in front of the river.

We remain silent for a while to enjoy the view.

The only sounds that can be heard are the lapping of the waves and the sound of ferry boats making their way up and down on the surface of the water.

Now or never.

"Maybe it's better if we don't see each other again, Steve"

This hurts as hell.

His stunned look hurts.

His is just a whisper.

"Why?Did I do something wrong?Don't...don't you like me enough?"

His conclusions are absurd.

How can he even think that?

"Yes, I seenyou.I'm seeing you, honey"

"Are you kidding, aren't you?I mean have you seen yourself?Can't you see how all women die behind you?I'm not enough" I whisper, "Did you see me?" I add almost desperately.

I smile bitterly.

"I think your type would be more of a beautiful blonde, thin, tall and self-confident.Maybe just like your beautiful neighbor.Don't you think?"

"Sharon is just a friend.Yes, we were together a long time ago but nothing important.We remained good friends and then we work together"

Perfect.

His sexy blonde neighbor is an ex of him.

They are also colleagues.

Life sucks.

"Are you by any chance...jealous?"

A crooked smile appears on Steve's lips.

"Shut up, Steve!Don't be stupid"

"You know I swore..."

"Steve please, you don't help me!"

"Don't help you with what, Lily?" Steve explodes.

The anger in his voice.

His words are like a slap.

Steve POV

I didn't want to raise my voice.

The moment I saw her in front of my door I felt as if a thousand butterflies had taken flight in my stomach.

When I kissed her it felt so natural.

So right.

I feel like I'm home.

She's home.

And now she's telling me that she don't want to see me anymore?

I'm sorry but this time she won't go away without giving me some answers.

She gets up and leans on the railing that runs along the shore.

"I promised I would let you go but I want an explanation.I deserve it, don't you think?"

I try to be as calm as possible.

I thought we were on the same page.

How can she give it all up so easily?

"Steve..." I feel she is about to cry but I don't stop.

"Please, just tell me the truth honey"

If I insist now she will give up.

I'm sure.

I use that nickname that I found natural to call her from the start.

Like honey that stuck to my heart.

Difficult to send away.

She point her gaze into mine and I see her hesitating.

After that she sighs.

"This isn't real" she whispers.

I can't understand...

"You, this place, are only here"

And so saying she points to her forehead with a finger.

"You are just a dream, the fruit of my imagination"

I bursting out laughing, it's not a happy laugh.

"Look if you have someone else or if you are married just tell me.But please have respect for my intelligence"

She turns to the river and begins to cry.

"You know, I knew you wouldn't believe me"

"How could I?" I verbally attack her.

"Listen Steve, I know you're angry and you think I'm a crazy liar but I'm telling you the truth!Why don't you understand?I'm trying to be totally honest with you!"

Flames dance in her eyes.

She's bringing out the grit.

Then she's not all that submissive.

I take a few steps away but she whirls around and she approaches hard-nosed.

She starts talking again.

It is the longest speech that I had ever heard her give.

"In the evening I go to bed at my house, in my reality.As soon as I fall asleep, I open my eyes again here in New York.This is the first time this has happened to me.Don't you think that I didn't think that I was crazy too?That's why I shouldn't see you anymore.Because you're not real and it kills me.I can't live like this!The other times I've been with you I didn't run away.I just woke up in my reality.In my bed"

Part of me wants to believe her, after all I have fought gods, monsters and aliens.

I shouldn't be surprised that another parallel reality can exist.

The thing that worries me is that she believes that this life, my life is fake.

This means that she may not know who she is or where she comes from.

Pure imagination.

Just a dream.

I see her legs trembling, she is trying to go back to lean on the railing.

She is white as a ghost.

"Are you okay, honey?Do you want me to call for help?"

"No, it's okay.I'm just waking up on the other side"

I feel her start sobbing, her small and delicate hands go up my arms to hook behind my neck.

She is crying now.

My hands close behind her back, on her hips.

"I'm sorry Steve.I swear I would have spent my life with you if it had been possible."

It's not like that.

This is the real world.

I absolutely have to know where she comes from.

I have to be able to look for her.

She is real.

I can feel her here hugging me.

I feel her warm body, her heart beating madly.

I feel her tears wet my shirt.

How can this not be real?

She lifts her head.

Yet she continues to be the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever landed on.

Her eyes are red and puffy, the tip of her nose all red.

She gets up on tiptoe and kisses me.

At first softly then all of a sudden with urgency.

The same urgency that I feel.

Our tongues touch and I lose my reason.

It's a kiss of teeth and tongues.

We devour each other's lips.

It is passionate and violent.

Full of unspoken words.

She bites my lower lip and then sucks it, I moaning desperately in her mouth.

It is again she who breaks away first.

Now her lips are swollen and red too.

And again.

She gives me another sweet kiss and taking my cheeks in her palms she kisses me again.

Slightly.

Gently.

Our lips barely touch.

Like sweet caresses.

She rests her forehead on mine.

We remain still, lost in our painful silence.

"Goodbye Steve.I'll never forget you"

In a fit of desperation I grab her hands by her wrists and kiss her palm.

Then every single finger.

"I'll find you, Lily.Should it take my whole life I'll find you"

I kiss her again.

"I promise"

She smiles at me sadly and in doing so a slight blue glow envelops her and she disappears.

My arms are empty now.

They fall without force along my body.

Where she used to be, now there is nothing.

My chest hurts.

It is as if no matter how deeply I breathe I continually feel that I am suffocating.

So is this really the truth?

Will I really never see her again?

I look up to the sky.

"I'll find you, honey.I'll find you.That's a promise"

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