#Carmen will probably always be OOC for me

[hopelessromantic5]

Okay, here’s a little SydCarmy clip. It’s super short. I’m always so nervous posting new content.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

Fak actually uses his brain for once and does not give Claire the correct number.

Thus leaving Carmen focused on his work, and subsequently his work partner.

Who slowly brings him around to the idea of therapy, on top of his regular Al-non meetings.

Before Carmen realizes it, his quality of life has significantly improved. He still has really bad days, and anxiety still wracks him whenever it feels like it.

But he sleeps more. Way more. And he’s able to keep himself level, self-regulating became second nature to him, after seeing the way the kitchen responded to his growth.

He would say the team of the Bear worked like a well-oiled machine. But no. That wasn’t it. It wasn’t so lifeless and mechanical.

No, they were an orchestra of different instruments working in the same rhythm. Dancing around each other seamlessly, orders going out before expected.

Carmen had never been so proud in his life.

Though, the executive chef felt a little guilty when he had to admit to himself that he was just a bit more proud of his CDC.

But could anyone really blame him?

Sydney impressed him on her worst days.

And on her best…

She practically knocked the wind out of his lungs with the precision and skill, yet thoughtfulness and creativity. All while looking absolutely stunning. The harsh lights of the kitchen do nothing to hide the beauty of her hands, the natural glow of her dark skin.

Some days, when Carmen had a little less of a handle on himself, and his eyes, he would get lost for a few seconds. Mesmerized by the living art of Sydni Adamu in her element.

He knew. He’d known for a while.

Carmen was completely blissfully fucked.

In every sense of the word, but one.

Which is where our problem begins.

[etherealising]

chapter one | a berzatto family christmas

masterlist | next chapter ↣

pairing(s): carmen berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!michael berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader

summary: you reunite with carmy years later at the berzatto family christmas party.

warnings: language (cursing), blasphemy, angst (maybe?), spoilers kinda (if you haven't seen season 2 don't read), the berzatto family, not dialogue heavy, very subtle hints to mikey being suicidal, probably ooc!characters, idk what else but if you find something let me know please! not beta’d and minimal editing so sorry for any mistakes. i also wrote this overstimulated on caffeine so if it doesn’t make sense or it’s repetitive then we know why : )

semantics: no use of Y/N: reader goes by the nickname Baby it has a backstory and its literally so simple, if this bothers you idk what to tell you, sorry : (

wc: 4.7k

You were standing on the sidewalk, nerves filling your body as you hyped yourself up to take the few steps left to the porch and ring the doorbell. You shouldn’t have been so nervous, you knew that but your mind was spinning with the myriad of scenarios both good and bad; that could play out once you stepped foot past the threshold. In all honesty, it wasn’t so much that you were nervous to enter the house itself, it was the fact that you’d be face to face with your childhood best friend for the first time in you didn’t even know how long. Maybe childhood best friend was a stretch you had only been introduced into each other's lives due to circumstance, and because of that forced proximity, you both took comfort in having someone stable around.

The two of you weren’t friends because you had chosen each other, or because you had met in kindergarten and shared toys in the sandbox because the other kids were stingy. No, you met because as a single mom, your mother needed all the shifts she could get even if that meant working the graveyard shift at the hospital, and only seeing you a handful of hours throughout the day because most times she was too dead on her feet to be conscious for more than a few hours. And when she could no longer pay the babysitter her next best option was the eccentric woman across the street who had children close in age with you.

Enter Donna Berzatto, a woman who came to feel like a second mom to you. It's not that she replaced your mom, no one could ever replace her, but she was the only real mother figure you knew for a time in your life. Who took you in as her own when your mother needed a new babysitter, and not just you but integrated your mom into the family as well, when she was spared the time off from nursing. Donna Berzatto who never sent you home empty-handed, and always made enough food for you and your mom to last throughout the week, just so your mother wouldn’t have to worry about fitting grocery shopping into her already hectic schedule. Donna Berzatto who, even when you were old enough to no longer need a babysitter, would send Carmy across the street to fetch you for family dinner, or even just invite you over because she thought you needed company.

Now that you were thinking about it, it seemed like you were more friends with his mom than you ever were with Carmen Berzatto. But then that would be a lie wouldn’t it?

You and Carmen Berzatto were friends due to circumstance, maybe even best friends. You weren’t just friends at his house, but you were school friends, you were everywhere friends. He really was your only true friend, of course, you had school friends, but that’s just what they were. You saw them Monday through Friday for a mandatory education, never an hour before school started or a minute after the final bell. Which didn’t necessarily bother you, but sometimes you longed for a weekend invitation to hang out, not that it ever came. And it wasn’t like you were shunned or unpopular in school, you were just average, you didn’t see a point in making friends with people you weren’t actually interested in befriending.

That’s what made Carmy so different, yes maybe you were only introduced due to circumstances but that didn’t stop the two of you from latching onto each other for dear life. Your mom always wondered how you two even established the friendship you did, with both of you being shy and never feeling the need to go out of your way to make friends. Include the fact that you had been neighbors practically your whole lives and never once taken an interest in each other aside from shy waves and curious childlike staring when either of you would be outside.

Your relationship with Carmen progressed as any childlike relationship would, you befriended each other, had your incessant petty arguments and fights, nothing ever serious enough to actually cause damage just childish antics. And it continued to progress through middle school and high school, the two of you were each other’s person, you just understood each other, the two of you let the other understand you, and wanted to be understood by each other.

You could also recall what you explain as a minute change in your friendship. As Senior year approached and you and Carmy continued to grow into yourselves, you developed a slight crush on the boy you had grown up with. It obviously wasn’t as small as you thought it was if you were standing in front of his childhood home giving yourself a pep talk just to ring the damn doorbell though was it?

The unsolicited card and wrapped present weighed heavy in your tote bag, as your breath was made visible by the chilly Chicago weather.

It was Christmas and for all intents and purposes you had been planning on mailing the present to Carmen’s New York address, but after visiting The Beef on your way back into town Mikey and Richie had let it slip that indeed the infamous Berzatto sibling would be gracing everyone with his presence this holiday season.

It was moments like these you wished you had picked up on the Berzatto family’s horrible smoking habit, thankfully your mom had taught you just how vital having functioning lungs was.

Your head shot up as the sound of loud rambunctious voices drew your attention to the front door opening and closing revealing a face you were all too familiar with and actually relieved to see. The oldest Berzatto brother stood on the porch, hands on his hips as he gave you a goofy smile. You could feel your lips stretching into a smile of your own, the infectious aura that Michael Berzatto exuded doing wonders to calm your racing mind.

“I know you didn’t come all this way just to stand outside staring at my family home like a fucking weirdo Baby.” Mikey’s smile grew in size as he teased you.

You rolled your eyes at the childhood nickname you wish hadn’t stuck as Mikey opened his arms to wrap you in one of his signature hugs. The two of you stood on the porch embracing each other for what felt like hours, you needed this hug as much as he needed it, you knew it and Mikey did too. That was the thing about you and Mikey although not blood-related it was as if your souls knew each other in a past life. Of the Berzatto siblings, Mikey was the last sibling you developed a relationship with. Growing up he was always just Carmy’s older brother but as you grew up surrounded by him, he became your surrogate older brother as well. And when Carmy dashed off to pursue his culinary dreams in New York, you and Mikey grew even closer.

You stepped back from the embrace, your eyes finding Mikey’s as he looked at you with a knowing glint in his eyes. “You not standing out here cause of a certain Chef in that house are ya?” Mikey asked, smirking down at you.

You chuckled “The only reason I come around anymore is for Mama Donna.” You joked doing a poor job to convince Mikey.

He nodded, tossing his head back with a laugh, “You were always a shit liar Baby. Carmy’s an idiot, don't let him ruin your Christmas.”

You let out a sigh head resting against Mikey’s chest as you tried to let his words soothe you even more, “He’s not ruining it, you just know things have been kind of stilted between us, and I don’t know this whole situation just feels awkward.”

You raised your head to look at Mikey again, “It’s awkward right? Am I making things awkward? I don’t wanna ruin Christmas Mikey, I know how your mom is and I know how Carmy is, I don’t wanna ambush him.”

The worry in your voice was evident as Mikey stood there listening to your ranting. His hand reached out as he used his thumb to massage away the frown between your eyebrows. “Calm down Baby, you know Ma is expecting you, and she wouldn’t take it well if you missed Christmas. She looks forward to seeing you every year, you give her a piece of Carmy when he can’t be fucking asked to come home and visit.” His hand moved down to cup the side of your neck rubbing soothing circles where his thumb rested, “Do it for Ma okay? Let Carmy be fucking wonder boy Carmy a’ight.”

You laughed nodding your head as best as you could with Mikey’s hand holding it, he smiled giving you one last hug before dropping his hand to grab your wrist and tug you into the house. You stopped him by placing a hand on his arm that was connected to yours.

“Hold on Mikey, I got you something.” You moved to start rummaging through your tote bag stalling because you were too nervous for his reaction to the present.

“Awe you didn’t have to get me nothing.” You turned back to him with the present in your hands as he held his own hands over his heart mockingly. You knew Mikey didn’t do well when it came to sentimental things and the best you would get out of him was a joke as opposed to anything else.

You laughed holding the rectangular wrapped present out to him, “I wanted to Mikey, don’t think of this as a gift, think of it uhh…as a show of appreciation yeah?” You nodded feeling your face heat up as you dropped your head so he couldn’t see how unsure you were about the gift.

He smiled, finding your shyness endearing before tearing into the neatly wrapped paper and revealing a frame, his hands engulfing it from end to end. He smiled looking at it before you saw confusion etch across his face, “This is great Baby, yeah but uh what the fuck am I looking at?”

You shove his shoulder before laughing at him and grabbing the frame out of his hands but holding it in front of your chest so he could still see its contents, “It's a trademark certification you dumbass, can’t you fucking read Mikey.” You joked to try and underestimate how big of a gift this was.

Mikey’s brows furrowed before he snatched the frame out of your hands to get a better look at the certificate sitting behind the glass, eyes snapping back up to your face with a look you couldn’t read. You shuffled your feet feeling like you overstepped a boundary you didn’t even know was between you and Mikey, “Don’t worry though I-I, put it in your name, it’s not like I trademarked it for myself or anything. I just know how much this means to you and I, I know shit has been tough lately and I’m sorry if you feel like I stepped on your toes but…Mikey, you deserve good things too okay?” You hadn’t meant to go on a rant, but you could feel the apprehension leaving you as you became passionate in every word you spoke.

“You deserve to be fucking happy Mikey, and I, I want you to know I fucking believe in you and I’m always in your corner. If it's-” You were cut off by Mikey clearing his throat, causing your eyes to snap back up to his, all the emotions he didn’t know how to translate into words swirling in his brown eyes, a small smile resting on his lips.

“Mikey-,” Before you could get another word out you were once again trapped in his comforting embrace, this hug conveying something completely different from the earlier one you shared. Mikey’s head tucked into your neck as you felt his uneasy breathing through your hands clutched around him. Mikey wasn’t the type to get emotional in front of other people, and feeling a tear of his smear against your cheek as he raised his head from your neck and settled his bearded cheek against yours, you weren’t sure if you had done the right thing by giving him the gift or not.

The two of you stood in silence as you allowed Mikey his moment, not wanting to make him feel insecure about you being present while he was being emotional. When he finally pulled away you could see the leftover sheen in his eyes. He tucked the framed certificate under his arm as both his hands reached up to grab your face in both of his hands, eyes finding yours, a whispered “thank you, baby,” leaving his lips as he placed a kiss on your forehead before he grabbed the frame again and wrapped you in another hug.

His head rested atop yours as your face rested against his chest, ear pressed against his beating heart. You lied, you thought the last hug was different, but no it was this hug that was different, while the second hug you shared in the span of 20 minutes was a hug of love and gratitude. This hug felt heavier, like there were things Mikey wanted to tell you but couldn’t, things he only felt he could convey through a hug, things you weren’t sure if you wanted to question or not.

It had been almost 20 minutes since Michael had escaped the house to do whatever the fuck it was he was doing outside. Carmy didn’t know and in all honesty he didn’t actually give a shit either, too busy helping Donna out in the kitchen to try to give any thoughts to whatever had grabbed Mikey’s attention.

He was focused in the corner of the kitchen making Tiff Sprite to help alleviate her nausea symptoms. Anyone else would have done their best to block out the rambunctious noises going on throughout the house, not Carmy though, the chaos fueled him, it grounded him. If the house was quiet it would have been too much for him, to be alone with his own thoughts ping-ponging around in his head, waiting for a chance to drown him. So if he had to listen to his mom list a plethora of things he needed to make sure happened for Christmas dinner to go off without a hitch while he was making Sprite from scratch, he welcomed it.

He finished his concoction just in time for Richie to walk through the kitchen, the older man trying to figure out how the fuck it was even possible to make Sprite from scratch. Gratefully taking the glass Carmy had offered to him, marveling at the carbonated drink in his hand.

Carmy nodded in his direction, “Yo Cousin, where the fuck is Mikey. He just fucking disappeared.” Carmy’s head swiveled around the kitchen double checking whether his brother was there or not, coming up empty in his search. Richie glanced up before settling his eyes back on the drink in his hand still doing the mental math to wrap his head around what the fuck Carmy just made.

Richie jutted his head in the direction of the front door, “Outside talking to Baby.” His eyes finally focused on Carmy’s in time to see the frown grace the younger man’s face, his eyebrows pinching together in agitation, annoyed that his brother was on a phone call rather than inside. Though that’s what Carmy told himself subconsciously he knew he was just annoyed at the fact that Mikey was even talking to you at all. Carmy didn’t think he was possessive but as you and Mikey grew closer through the years, he couldn’t help but feel miffed about the ever growing friendship between the two of you. You and your friendship with Carmy was the first thing in his life that he felt like was actually his and his alone.

It’s funny really for Carmy to think he has any sort of claim over you, or like the two of you were even really friends anymore. When he left Chicago to pursue his culinary dreams, he left you behind to, essentially ghosting the one real friend he did have. It’s not like he meant to, you two just went your separate ways after graduation, and he wasn’t even sure if there even was an “Us” when it came to the two of you anymore. If that was the case the only person he had to blame was himself, it was no fault of yours that your friendship had hit a plateau, Carmy hadn’t responded to a text of yours in years, and the fact that you still texted him to this day caused a slight pain in his chest as he stood in the middle of his mother’s kitchen, frown still etched into his features.

“He’s outside on the phone with Baby?” Carmy questioned the ache in his chest doing nothing to alleviate his irritation. It was Richie’s turn to frown reciprocating the same confused look Camry wore.

“What - No dickhead, he’s talking to Baby, like she’s right in fucking front of him and shit.” Richie swatted the side of Carmy’s head like a child. “Your moms invites her to every holiday, Cousin, and she comes every time.” Richie knew the last bit wasn’t necessary but felt Carmy rightfully deserved it, all anyone wanted from the youngest Berzatto was a visit.

“Dudes been out there for fucking ever though, those to idiots just standing outside like a bunch of fucking jackoffs.” Richie left the kitchen not waiting for Carmy to follow him before heading to the front door. He stopped moving the curtain on one of the side windows to spot two of the people he considered family. He let out a low whistle nudging Carmy’s shoulder who had finally joined his side nodding his head to the window.

“Get a load of these fucking losers hugging on the porch like they’re in some fucking Hallmark movie or some shit.” Richie laughed pointing at you and Mikey through the window. Carmy leaned closer to get a peak at what Richie was going on about.

Carmy hated to admit it, but Richie was right, the too of you looked like the happy couple who just saved a small town’s Christmas or whatever the fuck Hallmark movies were about. Mikey had finally separated himself from you long enough for Carmy to take in your features. He’d be lying if he said the years apart made him forget what you looked like. You were still the same girl he left in Chicago all those years ago except the wand of maturity had touched you, and in his opinion he thought you looked more beautiful than you had in high school.

Carmy was never one to pay too much attention to a woman’s features, and not because he didn’t care, it's just that he didn’t think it mattered. But as he drank in your form he learned in that exact moment why a woman might want people to notice the small things. Like the haircut you were sporting that Carmy felt shaped your face well, not that he knew shit about stuff like that, but he could appreciate art when he saw it. The outfit you picked out doing wonders to compliment your tall form and accentuate your legs. Carmy could look at you all day, scratch that he wanted to look at you all day.

He was torn from his reverie as Richie narrated the scene happening in front of them, “Aw look at these fuckers lookin all in love an shit.” He joked watching as Mikey slung his arm around you and led you towards the door, what looked to be a frame held in his other hand. The two of you walked side by side, your arm wrapped around his torso, hugging him into your side, Mikey’s head leaning slightly down to whisper something in your ear a small smile gracing your face as Mikey pressed his lips onto your temple lingering there for what Carmen swore was forever.

The tightness in his chest intensified tenfold as the realization of just how close you and Mikey had become sank into him. He didn’t know how to feel, his brain not even allowing any emotions to process, saving himself from any conclusions he might come to from a split second interaction.

Carmy left, he chose his path, he knew this, and he had no regrets he would pursue his dream every time the opportunity was presented. He just wished that, maybe if he held onto you as tightly as you still held onto him, it would’ve been him greeting you on the sidewalk on Christmas Day, being the sole object of your attention holding you close to his longing body. He knew overall the decisions he made regarding you were wrong, while he ignored your daily text and calls enough times for you to just resort to monthly check ins asking him about his endeavors and congratulations as you heard about his achievements in the culinary industry, he knew deep down that Mikey answered every text and call you sent his way, made it his mission to connect with you anytime you were back in Chicago.

Carmy couldn’t admit it to himself but deep down he knew his family saw spending time with you as a way to stay connected to him. You were the closest thing any of them still had to Carmy, and even though he had essentially cut you off from his life, his family loved you too much to allow Carmy’s shortcomings to affect their relationship with you.

He was broken from the recesses of his mind as Richie threw the door open stepping over the threshold raising his hands in the air to welcome you and Mikey into the house. The glass of Sprite still clutched in his left hand, a broad smile spread across his face as you left Mikey’s hold to greet Richie eyes not having spotted Carmy who was hidden behind Richie’s small frame.

Carmy’s first up close look at you in years were your hands wrapped around Richie’s torso as he pulled you into a hug, rocking the two of you back and forth, Richie let you go quickly turning his body back into the house “A’ight fuckers you can all stop pretending you care so much about Carmy and his little rat in the chef hat bullshit. We got the real deal here now, Baby's gracing us with her journalist presence.”

Carmy’s brows furrowed at Richie’s dig only slightly offended about being compared to a fictional character named after pasta, too caught up in allowing the sound of your laugh to grace his ears for the first time in what felt like forever. Mikey had finally caught up to you standing behind you with a hand placed on your shoulder, Carmy watched as his brother’s hand glided up and down your arm before giving your bicep a slight squeeze and nodding his head in Carmy’s direction.

If Carmy was being honest it was becoming increasingly difficult to quiet his mind that was eagerly trying to piece everything together. From yours and Mikey's prolonged moment on the porch, to the kiss he placed on your temple, add in Richie’s jokes and the almost constant physical contact between you and Mikey and Carmy was sure he figured shit out.

You looked to where Mikey motioned his head finally noticing Carmy’s figure standing there while Richie ran off towards the stairs after his impromptu introduction. Looking at Carmy was like being in a Time Machine, nothing had drastically changed, he looked more exhausted than what you remembered. But overall he was the same Carmy you parted ways with all those years ago.

A small smile graced your lips as you took him in, he was still your Carmy appearance wise, and right now for you that was all that mattered. You lifted your hand in a small wave gaining his attention, your smile growing wider as your eyes locked with his.

The clearing of a throat broke you from your thoughts, Mikey’s hand giving your shoulder a squeeze as he walked you two into the house before shutting the door behind him. As he finished he stood in front of you so that Carmy was partially covered from view by each brother in your line of vision though your focus was taken up by the eldest. He gave you a reassuring smile before gently knocking his fist against your chin and presumably turning to leave you and Carmy alone.

As Mikey walked past Carmy he gave him his signature grin and a wink before patting his shoulder as left to check on Donna in the kitchen and mingle with the other guests.

Carmy’s face was still set in the same frown it had been in when he first asked Richie where Mikey ran off to. You took a deep breath to settle your nerves before taking a step to close the gap between you, your hand reached out to gently squeeze Carmy’s arm though stopping in midair as you watched him subtly flinch. Your smile faltered, your hand finding its rightful place at your side. You looked up to see the apology in Carmy’s eyes, you did your best to brush the moment off, maybe you came on too strong, maybe it wasn’t fair that you were still pushing for a friendship when Carmy had given you all the reasons to stop trying, maybe the Carmy in front of you was a different Carmy to the one you used to know. Maybe the life where it was you and Carmy had finally taken its last breath and you were just too clingy and desperate to realize.

You cleared your throat trying to alleviate the lump forming from the thoughts that were racing through your brain. The small placating smile on your face there to stop you from having a full breakdown in the Berzatto’s foyer. “Its good to see you Carmen, I hope New York is treating you well.” You lips wrapped around the generic greeting forcing yourself not to say anything you might regret.

Carmy nodded his head rapidly accepting your lackluster words, his lips parting and closing all in the same breath. The man obviously had nothing to say to you, and maybe you just had to accept that. You stayed a moment longer cursing yourself for doing so as the air between you two filled with palpable tension.

“Baby, is that you? My goodness you look fucking gorgeous.” Half of Donna’s body had popped out of the kitchen finally gaining a spare moment to greet you. Her words mumbled through the cigarette between her lips, a ladle held in her right hand while the left was occupied by tongs. Her apron covered in all sorts of sauces and whatever the hell else your brain couldn’t even begin to discern.

You laughed half in amusement and half in relief, you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand there as Carmy burned holes in your body. You waved at Donna quickly, beginning to head towards her to join her in the kitchen. It wasn’t your first choice as an escape from Carmen but you’d rather try and help Donna finish preparing Christmas dinner than be around Carmy for another minute.

Donna waved the tongs in Carmy’s direction, “Jesus fucking Christ Carmen, take the girls bag and coat. Don’t just fuckin stand there.” She huffed eyes glaring the longer Carmen stayed glued to the spot. You handed him your tote as soon as his arm shot out and began hastily shimmying out of your jacket. You gave him a soft smile before laying the jacket on his awaiting arm.

You began to leave the foyer as Donna motioned for you to follow her, mentally preparing yourself for what you were about to walk into. A sudden thought occurred causing you to gently grip Carmy’s bicep as you were walking past him, “I uh, I actually bought you a Christmas present. So um, find me later yeah?” You smiled tilting your head slightly in questioning.

Carmen Berzatto graced you with a small smile, nodding back in agreement as you sent him one final nod and turned to enter the kitchen. The first positive emotion he granted you since you walked back into his life 30 minutes ago.

next chapter ↣

a/n: this is my first fic that i’m publishing and i genuinely have no clue what the fuck any of this is, : ) but nonetheless hope you all enjoy! or don’t i’m just a stranger on the internet. constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated though. please like, comment, reblog if this behemoth tickles your fancy!

also i write for fun/hobby and i'm such an inconsistent bitch so don't get your hopes too high, but this will potentially be a series idk yet though lol.

[ask-lab-rats]

A little explanation-

Lab Rats is a human au where Cobs has created 14 specimen as test subjects. Basically a "created in a lab" au. Some have powers relating to their objects, while some of them don't. Unlike Cobs and his family, the subjects have object names such as OJ, Taco, etc.

TW overall for: swearing, torture, abuse, experiments, and general hospital stuff (Ex: needles)

You can ask these characters at the moment:

OJ - 001

Taco - 002

Paper - 003

Pickle - 004

Bow - 005

Marshmallow - 007

Bomb - 008

Paintbrush - 009

Salt - 010

Lightbulb - 011

Pepper - 012

Balloon - 013

Nickel - 014

Knife - 015

Baseball - 016

More will be added as the story progresses. [Powers]

You can ask them anything! Just no inappropriate asks because most the characters are around 11 years old :)

And for funsies, I'll tell you Cobs family aka his bio children.

His oldest and only daughter, Apple Cobs - 20 yrs. Shes in college.

Middle child and oldest son, Gabe Cobs (3Gs) - 18 yrs. Just joined the military.

And the youngest, twins Michael and Shawn Cobs (mephone4 + 4s) - 11 yrs.

You can ask them stuff too if you want. But they're kinda busy.

You can also ask the doctors/staff (and others)

Dr. Parker (Cabby)

Dr. Spoon (Silver Spoon)

Dr. Berry (Blueberry)

Tessa Thomas (Testtube)

Finley Harrison (Fan)

Carmen Spoon (Candle)

Asks are open!

For the askers

You guys are just normal people on the internet reading about these unfortunate children. You don't really have any special powers. You can still try if u want but it probably won't end how u want.

Be nice and be patient plz I promise I will get to everything

Fanart is always welcome!

Now about me, the creator!

I go by she/her go check out my main acc @dicediceking

@dicedice69 , @babygirls-alt-acc and @ask-ii-bfdi-shipkiddos are also me. I don't post on the 1st one, the 2nds my reblog acc, and the last is my other ask blog

There will only be ships with the older characters that I plan on adding later.

I apologize if some are out of character. I'm only human. I will also add in a few headcanons.

You can ask me any question u want too (but nothing inappropriate, I'm a minor ok)

CreatorNotes are when I'm ooc. Any post without tags will also be ooc

Inspirations

[asilentandkindersea]

beautiful stranger — c. berzatto

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬) : carmen ‘carmy’ berzatto x blackf¡reader

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬) : needle, blood, kind of ooc carmy.

(+𝟏𝟖) bear and berry au, where carmen get a tattoo on a whim, only to develop a precious friendship with his tattoo artist.

hi, welcome in the land of imagination and alternative universe. today, you are going to explore the stupidity of my brain and my overwhelming load of ideas. i’m very new in the xreader writing lore, first time i’m not writing an oc story so have as much fun as possible, like and reblog, it means a lot to me. kisses on the nose. <3

tw : not proofread, written at 2 am and clearly sleep deprived, appends a few years before the tv show, when carmen was being treated like shit in new york, english isn’t my first language !

the art of eye contact was something you mastered at. the depth of your irises staring down your interlocutors’ eyes for the time being. at first, carmen thought it was intimidating, and with time, while his cerulean eyes no longer fled from the hold yours had, he found out. noticing at first when the light of this small studio hit your irises that they held an hint of gold inside of them. it was more apparent during sunny days, when the ball of flame carefully lightened up your face.

your dark lashes battled softly every two seconds when you were focused, maybe more if he dared to look away for the spit of a moment. darting his eyes from your lashes to your nose, drawing the curves of your face, memorizing each of these part only to doodle them later on when shame was no longer in order. maybe it was the pinkness of your lips that captivated his sense, or it was probably the way you bit your bottom lips trying to focus when there was no sound other than your beating heart and his ragged breathing.

it was most definitely the way your nose crunched when you were showing a proud expression, seeing as the drawing on his skin only looked like you imagined it. he had to fight the urge to press a soft kiss on the wrinkles of your nose more than once, during the first few months. probably coming back at the studio was the worst idea, considering he was no longer focused on his cooking but mostly on the lock falling in front of your face. he might have pushed it a few times behind your ear while you where so focused drawing your next flashes.

was he always this pathetic before ? or was it the first time his focus had shift so intensively?

the first time he came at the tattoo shop was months after coming back from noma, and working in new york. he don’t really know how he managed to find the shop, to be honest, maybe it was while looking online, or while walking home after a boring day off. yet, even tho he never truly cared in the higher power, not once hadn’t he thanked the universe for making him walk into the shop.

new york always felt like home to you, only when it came to tattoos and illegal drawings at night in those dark alleys you so often found yourself in. maybe if you hadn’t taken a break from college after an injury you wouldn’t have met his ocean eyes, the kind of blue you only see in summer when you are in your hometown. nonetheless, you loved new york for the small aspects, and he was one of those.

it was a saturday, usually you were off the weekend, but the quietest of your apartment was driving you insane, and the walk from your place to the shop was short. your very much used converse on and a redbull in your hand, you found place in that room you secluded yourself most of the time. the light pink color emitting from your neons, the oh so many plants hanging around and an old frank sinatra vinyl playing, you were drawing a new flash.

something you loved doing, doodling tattoos no matter how silly they could be. fingers moving across the screen, feet tapping in rhythm to the music, and eyes focused on the drawing, nothing could’ve made you look up from that piece of art you were making. and yet, the ding of the bell announcing a new client made you jolt from your red seat, closing the ipad in a second before walking out of the small room you found comfort in.

a not-so-tall man was standing in front of the counter, a jacket thrown over his white t-shirt, and his curls disheveled — had he messed with it ? — his eyes beamed upon seeing you.

“hi. . . sorry. i—“

he was shuttering like a pre schooler, — that was cute— his hand moving to his curls only to nervously mess them.

“hello, do you have an appointment ?”

in his ears, your voice sounded sweet like honey. entrancing like the sea monster, the sirens pulling him towards the depths, enchanting him in a way that caused the tip of his hears to flush pink for a second. you were showing this infamous smile people would go to war for, and carmen berzatto was a goner.

“i don’t— sorry i saw the sight ‘bout the non appointment thingy and. . . i can come back another time or—“

“no it’s okay, my colleague is busy, and i’m not, what are you here for? a tattoo. . . a piercing perhaps?”

your irises staring down his cerulean one, he almost felt like drowning only to be trapped in the depths of your eyes.

“a tattoo, if possible.”

“m’okay pretty boy, i’m gonna need you to sign the consent form and then we’ll talk in my studio.”

his fingers lingered a second too long on yours, while grabbing the pen you were giving him. an electric shock went through your body, making your eyes go wide, only to bend over, searching for the consent form. the paper on the counter, only the sound of the pen scribbling down his information was heard. usually, you weren’t that shy, and yet… there was something this man had that made your heart run a marathon.

“alright, do you have an idea or something you wanna do?”

once again, your voice made his entire world shatter.

the studio was small, a faint smell of cigarette lingering the fake leather seats, covered with thrown pillows. posters, canvas, were on the wall, many were signed with your name, while others had name he couldn’t make out from where he was seating. carmy admires the decoration, in all honesty, he thought the room would look completely different, and yet…

“i got some you might like, but if you have an idea you can doodle it or describe it to me and we’ll go from there.”

it took you at least half an hour to decide on the tattoo. his shoulder falling in a relaxed manner each passing second, while his eyes wondered on the screen you were making what he had in mind, real. he noticed the way your eyebrows furrowed in focused, your feet bouncing in rhythm with the single playing over and over again, before you lifted your head with a soft smile filled with pride.

looking back at the drawing, he felt understood in an odd way. perhaps it was how you made his thoughts appear on the screen, or probably the way you were explaining the reasoning behind your choices. he clearly wasn’t paying attention to this part yet, far too focused on the black design to say anything.

lifting his head only when the vinyl was heard and your voice had disappeared, he finally snapped out of his daze, he found the strength to answer this silent question your eyes were asking him.

“i like it, yeah.. it.. yeah. that’s what i had in mind. can we.. like do it on my arm, right here?”

showing the top of his forearm, and the empty space, you nodded.

to be honest, the time to prep felt like a blur, as the conversation flew awkwardly at first, before the cooking subject came by. the fact that your parents had a cabaret intrigued carmen, and made him ask so many questions all at once. if there was one thing that never changed about him, was his insatiable curiosity, and knowledge. new kitchen, new food, new restaurant. always the first thing on his mind, and as you were moving toward the leathery table, the tray with your torture equipment (he clearly didn’t know the names of every stuff present on it) moving along.

he knew it was also time for the permanent drawing. from the moment the frank sinatra vinyl was changed for a the weeknd one — making your shoulders move at the first few notes while putting on the latex red gloves.

“why red ?”

he asked, the last time he had a tattoo done, the artist had black one.

“why not ? red is my favorite color.”

your chuckles made his shoulder drop, relaxed in this unfamiliar and warm room. his arms shaved, cleaned, the needle was right above his skin. your face close to his skin, dreadlocks pulled in a high ponytail, glasses on your nose and that little wrinkle of focus, he felt a pinch in his skin.

“hey, stand still pretty boy, m’kay ?”

and he did, ignoring the way his skin turned red each time the needle was piercing his flesh, only nodding and chuckling as the conversation goes on. surprisingly, he felt at ease under the sharp machine, and your — very — shitty jokes. he noticed the tissue used to clean up the tony drop of blood that left the open wound, noticing how you asked him if he was in pain each passing minute. even once you finished the masterpiece, he stayed on the table laughing at your stupid attempt to make him laugh — which worked because he was complaining of tummy aches with a smile on his lips —, you stayed in your studios even after closing hour, forgetting the existence of your colleague in the room next door, his cerulean irises fixated in your comforting eyes.

he didn’t know that entering this shop with the idea of marking his skin permanently with two angels and a sun, would give him someone to talk to for hours without catching a break.

© 𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐚

[sleepyschokoart]

Hiya! My name is schoko, 20 and my pronouns are she/her! I am looking for somebody to write Carmen Berzatto from the show "The Bear" against my fem OC! (I will send more info on her if you accept)!

I am okay with double-ups, usually OC X CC, but I am okay with CC x CC or OC x OC too- whatever is preferred! Any pairing is welcome. I am most experienced writing m/f pairings, but f/f and m/m anything goes! I use Discord to roleplay and my roleplay style would be literate to novella! I love chatting OOC with my partner and talking about OC lore and ships! I love Pinterest mood boards and playlists! :D So if that sounds like your cup of tea, I might be the one for you! I especially like OCs that are shipped with canon characters because I think it is fun and cool :3 You must be over 18 years old! NSFW roleplay is okay, but should not be the focus. Boundaries and expectations will be individually discussed!

--- Fandoms and Muses Red Dead Redemption 2: Arthur Morgan

Baldur's Gate 3: Gale Dekarios, Astarion, Rolan

Detroit: Become Human: Connor RK800, Hank Anderson

Dragon Age: Origins: Alistair, Zevran

Dragon Age: Inquisition: Cullen Rutherford, Solas, Varric Tethras, Cassandra Pentagast

Fallout 4: Deacon, Danse, Cait, Nick Valentine, Preston Garvey, Sturges, Travis Miles

Fallout New Vegas: Benny Gecko

Hogwarts Legacy: Sebastian Sallow, Ominous Gaunt, Poppy Sweeting, Garreth Weasley

The Boys: Hughie "Hugh" Campbell, Billie Butcher, Annie "Starlight" January, John "Homelander" Gillman, Matthew "Gecko" Culbert

---

Afterword

See the fandom? Then I would probably write another character for it, too! Always feel free to ask. Feel free to shoot me a dm or like this post! Thank you for reading! --- Hashtags

[sunny6677]

Bubblegum.

Short stories based off of my oc (Tom) and Kevin.

Summary:

Just kinda what it sounds like. Mainly short stories about my OC Tom—who is an overly energetic and hyper girl who's kind of annoying, but is still a sweetheart deep down. Her job is unknown, but she definitely does something to do with writing—her bestie is Patty, but she thinks she's best friend with Carmen who actually hates her. And her main love interest is Kevin. She's also based off of Papyrus lmao.

Chapter 1: Cuddli-ning. - Kevin x Tom (Part 1)

(Sorry if Kevin's kinda OOC here??? Feel kinda tired lmao. Then again, he's not really an annoyed asshole most of the time, he's just kinda irritated cuz of work. /lh)

————

Night had blanketed the sky from outside—specks of white flickering stars plastered across the pool of endless void. The circular moon shone down from on high—its glow slowly embracing every surface it could find its way on. The dark green grass, the few vehicles that were out at night driving along the road, and the houses that lay peacefully in silence.

It was currently close to midnight, on a Saturday as well. So tomorrow would still be fairly relaxing for many in the town. Yet in a particularly large mustard yellow house with a white roof—and two different cars parked on the driveway, there were two people inside—sitting within a bedroom. Tom, and Kevin.

The two had been hanging out since about a few hours ago (Kevin had gotten off work, and promised he'd hang with Tom after he got off—so here he was). And as of now, Tom was rather eagerly rocking back and forth on the bed for.. some reason, a smile plastered on her lips. Kevin sat motionless beside her, his eyes near the edge of closing just from sheer exhaustion. It was getting late. In fact, it was past the usual time he slept.

Looking over to his curly-haired friend with the slight glow of the moon from outside mingling onto her black scalp, he felt his lips twitch into a frown. She continued to rock back and forth—staring at the TV that had currently been on, and playing some random Disney film they had both decided on watching since she for whatever reason loved these sorts of films.

Finally, he spoke, "..ugh.. Tom. I'm tired."

She slowed her pace a little, arching a brow. Despite it literally being close to midnight, her overly loud voice practically yelled out, "..TIRED? HOW COME? WE'VE BARELY JUST STARTED THIS MOVIE!"

Kevin blinked. "Tom. It's been thirty minutes since we started watching it. I think that's more than enough time for me to get tired.."

He groaned, looking down at his phone. He tapped his thumb against the screen, and it switched on. The time read 11:03 AM.

"..mmm.."

He grumbled, lifting his head. "..how come you're still wanting to watch this anyway? It's getting kinda late, y'know."

"I KNOW! BUT IT CAN NEVER BE TOO LATE FOR SOME PRINCESS FUN-TIME! I, THE GREAT PRINCESS, SHALL WATCH MOVIES WHENEVER I PLEASE!" She exclaimed proudly, giving a haughty but squeaky laugh, "OHOHOHO!"

Kevin gave a roll of his eyes, looking down at his lap. It was late, and he'd probably have to go by now. He had work tomorrow—even if it was only for a few hours, and even though there had been a recently hired co-worker who'd take over as soon as he got done with his shift anyway.

Yet.. there was an odd part of him that almost didn't want to leave, as he heard the late crickets chirp from outside, and heard the faint sound of a female voice talking from the film. Letting his eyes look up, he saw that Cinderella was still playing, though his gaze quickly lingered over to Tom's eyes.

Her black eyes sparkled like embers—her lashes practically fluttering anytime she blinked. That same childish smile was still om her lips. And as always while he looked upon it, it gave him a weird feeling inside.

..maybe it wasn't the house that he didn't want to leave.

He looked off to the side, and then at her. "..hey, Tom?"

"HM? WHAT IS IT, SHOPKEEPER?" She asked, tilting her head to the side.

He didn't know why he was asking this, but the question was stuck in his mind, and made his face flush with warmth as the words escaped his mouth. "Do you just want me to drive you over to my house? We can just hang out there, or something. And you can just sleep there if you want."

As his eyes fluttered away, he felt Tom's gaze stare upon him—her thin brow raising with slight confusion. Cocking her head to the side, she spoke with an odd.. sparkle in her eyes that made him anxiously look away.

She then finally spoke, saying, "THAT.. SOUNDS LIKE IT'D BE.." A grin quickly plastered itself on her lips, stars flickering in her pupils from how excited she seemed. "FANTASTIC! YES—I, THE GREAT TOM, WOULD LOVE TO BE DRIVEN BY YOU TO YOUR RESIDENCE!"

..even at a late time like this, she was still the same overly excited girl he knew. He couldn't help the slight smile that began to curl on the corners of his lips.

"Well.. okay. Heh." He slowly lifted himself off of her pastel yellow blanket that was draped over the fancy white cushion of her bed, "I'll just—wait for you downstairs then."

He dusted his pants off as she practically hopped off of the bed with a small, chipper laugh. She eagerly exclaimed while grabbing the remote that was still on the bed, and pressing the red button.

"OHOHOHO! THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST SLEEPOVER SLEPT OVER BY ANYONE EVER!" She practically yelled in her high-pitched voice, shaking her fists from happiness. Of course—it seemed she already decided on sleeping over at his house.

Kevin felt himself rolling his eyes yet again as he began to approach the door of her bedroom. Her annoying voice always made a spark of irritation rise in his chest, and his fists remained clenched. With how irritating she could be unknowingly sometimes, it was hard to even tell why he hung out with her, or why he considered her a friend. If he even considered her a friend at all.

Well.. okay, yeah. He.. did consider her a friend. But she still caused him a lot of trouble, unintentionally or not. It was hard to tell why he was even here—around her. Why there was an odd part of him that wanted to be around her anyway.

..well, there actually was a possible reason why. But he didn't really want to think about it.

———

Eventually, they had arrived at his house. And the exhaustion was now weighing over his mind more than ever. He had driven all the way back to his house, hearing the cars engines rumble and how the vehicle turned as Tom yelled about random things from beside him—her speech muffled by the noise. The closer they got to his house though, the quieter she seemed to become, and the less she seemed to jump in the passengers seat.

She was tired. He knew. He wasn't stupid. It wasn't like she'd just suddenly become all quiet out of nowhere. Despite her lack of energy, she rambled on about random things still, and eventually came to complete silence as they pulled into his driveway. As of now—they were already in his house. In his small, cramped and messy bedroom to be exact. There wasn't a guest bedroom, so she couldn't sleep there.

She had offered to sleep on the couch in the living room, and he almost let her like he did the few other times she had slept over here, but.. something in him didn't want her to. Even though she was quite loud and overly confident, she could get easily anxious. He knew this, since he had known her for a long time already—even if half the time, she was just being dramatic about something that had no way of actually happening.

Yeah.. maybe that was why he didn't want her to. Or that was what he told himself the reason for it was.

"REALLY? ARE.. ARE YOU SURE?" Tom had asked.

"..yeah. I'm sure." Kevin nodded. "You know how you can get when you freak out sometimes. I don't want you to just be laying there and then come running into my room because you got scared or something."

"HMM.." Tom hummed. "WELL—I SUPPOSE THAT IS TRUE! IN THAT CASE, I SHALL HAPPILY SLEEP IN YOUR CHAMBERS WITH YOU! OHOHO!" She answered with a grin spreading on her face, throwing her hand foward and pointing it as she spoke. She stood there—feeling his awkward gaze settle upon her as the silence filled the living room they were standing in.

"..so.. you gonna get on the bed, or are you just gonna stand there?"

She retracted her hand, and gave a nod. "INDEED I SHALL!" Swiftly—she made her way around him toward the bed that was on the left side of the room, only a few inches away from where he was standing. He felt a slight brush of air pass against his skin as she moved. Automatically, his head turned on its own.

She walked over to the bed still, and then bent over, crawling onto it with a smile spread on her lips. She wore the same pastel yellow night-gown with 'QUACK!' written in white bold letters on the chest part (as she had decided to bring it since she'd be sleeping over anyway). The shirt wrapped around her—her arms, her legs and even her neck covered in black specks of freckles. Her round face, her eyes sparkling still.

"..hm."

He hummed. And gave a sigh. He went over to the edge of his bed, slipping off his shoes in the process. They fell to the ground with a few thuds—practically flying over to different parts of the room. With a swift turn and a breath, he crawled onto the bed. From beside him and laying on her back—Tom practically writhed, giggles escaping her mouth. He couldn't help the laugh that practically begged to break free from his faintly smiling lips. He never really smiled at her this much before.

Finally, he laid down on his back with a breath—looking down at Tom who seemed to finally cease her movements. Her eyes were shut for a moment, and then they opened again, her sparkling black embers meeting his own gaze. She looked away, pulling up the pink blankets over her form, and curling up beneath it with a smile.

"MEHHH.. YOUR BLANKETS FEEL REALLY WARM.." Tom mumbled. Kevin rolled his eyes again, turning over on his side.

"..mm.." He finally gave a sigh. "..night, dude. Don't stay up or anything." He warned—after all, she did sort of have a habit of staying up if she were frightened. And he didn't want to catch her awake at a late hour yet again.

"I WON'T.." Tom promised—turning over on her side. She scooted slightly closer to him. He felt something warm, but small press against his back. In fact, it was her own back—and her own shoulders leaning up against him.

The sensation slightly faded as she curled up, and mumbled, "SWEET DREAMS, SHOPKEEPER.."

Kevin blinked, feeling a warm feeling rise in his chest, and he could only hum softly in return. Before finally closing his eyes.

[teachdance]

I’m just gonna say it

I’m tired of how they keep diminishing Kumiko

[horrorbled]

so i was talking to @curvedaim​ and we were about all the kids’ reaction to getting their tattoos due to  this  gifset and like ben is clearly nervous watching diego get his and after seeing allison and klaus in pain and crying over theirs as well but like ... when it was his turn he didn’t end up crying or being in much pain at all because he’s so accustomed to the excruciating pain he goes through every time he uses his powers so everything else just pales in comparison to that :)

[poisonoyous]

Anyways since everyone is doing their thoughts on the new season here’s mine

I, too, am upset at the lack of Julia but Chase kinda got the same thing in season two so I guess it’s fair. Besides, it feels like they’re setting her up to show up at some crucial moment or meet up when Carmen needs an inside gal (she did mention wanting to work at a museum) and it’ll probably flash back from there.

People seem to either love or hate Zari??? I love her, the parallels between her and Chase are good, besides her and Chase actually got me shipping straight for once.

Sonia is actually really good? I’ve only seen mentions of her when people are complaining but, like, I always wondered, if Carmen’s going all over the world and helping people eventually she’s gonna have ins everywhere (like Kim Possible hahah remember her) and Sonia following in her footsteps is the perfect way to open the gateway to that. They could probably run into each other again and that opens the door for all the other people she’s helped to help her in turn

Maybe in tracking her mother down, even? Would be good. Besides, she mentions her found family, it would be a good way to link all the connections she’s made and family she found with the mother she hasn’t connected to or found yet. If they’re trying to focus on her searching for her family only to find it being even bigger than expected, idk it would be neat I think.

I do want more screen time for the familiar VILE operatives but also that Tigress and Paper Star team up watered my crops so at least there’s that.

People do not seem to vibe with how the faculty acted this season? I get it bc it was kinda silly but, like, it was endearing even if it felt a bit ooc for, say, Cleo and all her decorum and stuff.

Actually, scratch that, it was only ooc for Cleo, the rest of faculty is a coach who obviously has a soft spot for kids (so she would probably get into celebrating holidays with Carmen to further dote on her), a weird dude™️, and a mad scientist with ADHD. Y’all can’t tell me they wouldn’t be in on that.

Shadowsan and his reunion with his brother was sweet and a nice little bit of closure. Also, if they do shift the focus back to Carmen’s mom later then it’s a nice way to keep the theme of family fairly consistent.

I’ve mentioned the search for her mom a lot, yes, like everyone else, I’m sad it was abandoned, but I also get it??? With the way both VILE and ACME changed their goals to capturing Carmen, her changing her goals also was almost too much at once??? Like they needed to go back to business as usual to see how this new dynamic would play out, but that didn’t make the dropped search any more satisfying.

Cute but short. Personally, I adore the Halloween and mask theme and kinda hope all the allusions to masks maybe come back to pay off a bit more? Tho I didn’t know there were any big holidays about wearing masks in Europe and that was actually interesting to me? Which is great bc this show IS meant to educate as well as entertain.

I’m choosing to believe this is like that break up of a season they did in She Ra, which I didn’t like then and I don’t like now but it’s a minor irritant at least.

So yeah, overall pretty good I feel???

[etherealising]

two | words left unsaid

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairings: carmen berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!mikey berzatto x fem!reader | original male character x fem!reader

summary: the annual berzatto family christmas is off to a better start than you initially thought it would be. that is until your sucked back into the past and carmy avoids a much needed conversation.

warnings: angst | carmy being the most oblivious man to ever exist | hint of suicidal ideation | probably ooc characters | language (cussing) | minimally edited

wc: 5.7k

Donna Berzatto pulled you into a hug the minute you walked into her kitchen and although the chaos you spotted, and her tangible frantic energy worried you, you were still happy to have a home to come back to during the holidays.

“Let me get a fucking look at you!” She pulled away from you hands moving to your cheeks as she looked at you for a prolonged moment. “Gosh you were always so gorgeous…you know your mother would be so proud of you right.”

You gave her a small smile nodding as best you could while she held your head in place before she pulled you back in for one more hug. Your eyes landed on Hayden leaning against the counter as he raised a wine glass in your direction before throwing the alcohol back, causing you to roll your eyes at him.

You would always appreciate the Berzatto matriarch, a woman who came to feel like a second mom to you. She didn’t replace your mom, no one ever could, but her motherly presence in your life was still felt all these years later. You would always remember your first proper meeting with the older woman when she took on the role of babysitter for your mom, her personality was so vastly different from that of your mother’s that you couldn’t help but find her eccentricity contagious. It always surprised you the friendship that grew between your mother and Donna, but you were grateful for the connection nonetheless. Donna Berzatto who never sent you home empty-handed, and always made enough food for you and your mom to last throughout the week, just so your mother wouldn’t have to worry about fitting grocery shopping into her already hectic schedule. Donna Berzatto who, even when you were old enough to no longer need a babysitter, would send Carmy across the street to fetch you for family dinner, or even just invite you over because she thought you needed company.

And when your mom finally succumbed to her illness a year after your high school graduation Donna made it her mission to make sure you were taken care of and miraculously got the house and other assets in your ownership and till this day you still weren’t sure how she did it, probably not legally. But you would forever be grateful to the Berzatto’s for all they did for you.

“Hayden, don’t be rude, get this girl a fucking drink!” Donna kissed your cheek before stepping away from you and moving to the mess on the stove.

You saw Carmy enter the kitchen out of the corner of your eye, the tension between you was palpable and you were doing your best to be cordial. Carmy reached out to you after everything happened but you never reciprocated his efforts and maybe if you had things wouldn’t still be awkward for you, but you felt your reaction was warranted. While part of you wished to continue ignoring him and not reopen old wounds. Another part of you longed to rekindle the friendship you once shared.

“Mikey tells me you’ve been thinking about moving home, we gonna be neighbors again?” You could hear the smile in Donna’s voice as you moved to lean back against the counter taking the glass that Hayden offered you as he snacked on whatever the hell he found.

The way Carmy froze momentarily at Donna’s words immediately caught Hayden’s attention and he couldn’t help but be annoyed by how hopelessly in love the two of you were with each other. He quickly poured himself another glass before giving some excuse about speaking with Fak and taking his leave, he needed to wallow and you and Carmy’s “unrequited love” bullshit wasn't helping him.

You gave Hayden a small understanding smile as he squeezed your shoulder when he walked past you before giving your full attention to Donna and answering her question. “Yeah…I’ve given it some thought it’d be nice to be with family again.”

A small awkward smile rose to your lips as Carmy made his way towards you stopping right in front of you, “Excuse me…I uh, I need,” he stopped pointing around you instead.

“Oh, yeah here you go.” You turned, grabbing the cutting board he was pointing at before holding it out between the two of you, watching as he avoided your eyes.

“Thanks.” His reply was curt as he reached to take the cutting board off your hands, stopping as you wouldn’t let it go.

You wanted him to look at you and you knew all you had to do was speak directly to him to get the reaction you wanted. “You’re welcome…Carm.”

He held your gaze for a moment, eyes searching your face as his lips parted like he wanted to speak. You allowed yourself a moment to fully take him in. His hair was longer than the last time you’d seen him, the length made his curls more noticeable. Other than that you couldn’t see any other obvious changes, he looked a bit tired but you weren’t sure if that was from his culinary adventures or from being home for a chaotic Berzatto Christmas after so long. You were embarrassed by how easily just staring at him for a few minutes made your chest ache with longing, the smile slowly dropped from your lips as you recalled the reason for that ache. You quickly released your hold on the object.

“If uh, you don’t need any help Mama D I’m gonna go visit with everyone else.” Your voice was quiet as you looked past Carmy to where his mother stood, not sure you could stand to be in his presence for a moment longer.

She waved you off as she stirred whatever was in the pot, “Carmy will help me. Do me a favor Baby and keep Sug out of the kitchen. I don't think I can take her asking if I’m ok for another moment. Oh and send Hayden back in here when you get a chance that kid is fucking hilarious!”

You awkwardly laughed off Donna’s words before moving to exit the kitchen, Carmy awkwardly moved in the same direction as you as he tried to step out of your way. A redness crept up his neck as he did it for a second time.

A small laugh escaped you and you couldn’t help but find his embarrassment funny in that moment, “Excuse me.” Your hand gently gripped his bicep to lead him out of your way as you stepped around him. You sent one last tense smile his way before taking your leave, a weight lifting off your shoulders as soon as you stepped out of the kitchen. All you had to do was avoid Carmy for the rest of the night and all would be well.

It was the same as you remembered it. After letting Hayden know his presence was wanted in the kitchen and with no luck finding Nat, you began your journey upstairs to catch up with Tiff, only for the sight of Carmy’s childhood bedroom door partially open to steal your attention. Even though you came home every Christmas, you hadn’t been inside the room since Carmy left. You made a split-second decision before slipping through the open door, flipping the light on as you entered, not at all surprised to see that it was kept in the same condition from all those years ago.

Nostalgia washed over you as you looked around, so many moments of your younger years took place in this very room, walking into it now was like taking a trip back in time. Slowly, you let your eyes rove around realizing that you could recall a memory from almost every object situated around the space. As you walked in allowing yourself to bask in the nostalgia you spotted what you assumed were Carmy’s belongings, your eyes landed on a pile of journals stacked atop each other, and next to them lay what looked to be culinary books.

You made your way over to the nightstand finger gliding across the cover of the top journal, looking at it you wondered if Carmy kept up with his artistic pursuits or if they had another use. You were tempted to look through one of them but even though your friendship with Carmy was non-existent you would still respect his privacy. Your eyes landed on the edge of the bookmark sticking out of the top of one of the thick culinary books, checking over your shoulder you picked up the book before taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

The hardcover was in pristine condition which surprised you considering how rough Carmy was with books when the two of you were younger, but as you began flipping through you found the book filled with annotations sometimes multiple on one page that it was almost impossible to clearly read them. A small smile raised to your lips as you read some of the notes in the margins, fingers smoothing across the dry ink every once in a while as you tried to imagine Carmy writing them.

As you continued flipping through the book it almost felt as though in a way you were learning the person Carmy became, and while a few notes about how to cook certain dishes would never give you full insight. It was enjoyable to see how much obvious pride Carmy felt in his craft. You thumbed through a few pages before finally stopping on the bookmarked page, the margins not nearly as filled in as the previous pages.

A quiet exhale of breath left your lips as your fingertips found the edge of the bookmark. Of all the things it could've been, this was one of the last things you expected Carmy to use to keep his place. The teens frozen in time looked like babies, a quiet huff of laughter the only reaction you could give in the moment as you peered down at the two naive teens in the photo oblivious to just how drastically their lives would change, the irreparable space that would grow between them and fester.

Carmy + Baby end of summer picnic

'i'll miss you forever carm'

A quiet snort escaped at the lovesick message you'd written on the back of the picture before letting Carmy keep it.

Holding the photo in your hand felt like some sort of cosmic joke as you stared down at the two younger, forgotten versions of yourselves. Like the universe was laughing in your face as it led you to this photo. You remembered the moment captured clear as day, your feelings for Carmy began to grow as more than friends and maybe you felt that way all along but you hadn’t noticed. It was a tradition for the two of you to have an end-of-the-summer picnic before the start of a new school year and you worked up all the courage you had to finally admit that you were crushing on him, but your plan never came to fruition as Carmy spilled the beans about his crush on Claire Dunlap and his lovesick expression as he spoke stole whatever hope you had of him ever reciprocating your feelings.

Your eyes watered as you stared at the selfless younger version of you who bottled up what she thought to be love to allow Carmy whatever happiness he wanted. You wished you could hug her, prepare her for the ugly falling out between you and the youngest Berzatto, your chest ached with deep raw emotion as the betrayal of it all awoke in you once more.

“Mikey I fucking swear if yo-,” Carmy’s voice cut through the pity party you were throwing for yourself.

Subtly you raised your free hand to your face to dab at your eyes hoping to whatever forces that were out there the few stray tears didn’t leave any tracks in their wake. You stood up, the book sliding off your lap as you tried and failed miserably to make a quick escape.

“Shit,” you bent down picking up the book, the movement gave you another moment to collect yourself before speaking with Carmy. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be in here.” You turned to him avoiding his eyes as you held the book in one hand and the photograph in the other cursing yourself for losing Carmy’s place in the book and hoping the fall hadn’t damaged his possession at all.

Although you didn’t want to be alone with Carmy on purpose, as he locked you in his gaze you felt like you couldn’t get your feet to listen to your brain. You watched in silence as his eyes fell to where you held the book before latching onto the photograph, giving Carmy a clear image of what made you so upset.

“No, it's uh…it's ok,” Carmy’s voice sounded hollow as he spoke to you, neither of you knowing how to navigate this situation. “Can I-I join you?”

Carmy gestured to where you stood by his bed, surprising you as your hands tightened around the objects in them unsure if the decision you were about to make was for the best, or if you were just feeding into the desires of the younger you. You gave a soft nod watching as his shoulders seemed to lose a bit of tension that you noticed in your short time back in his life, seemed to permanently accompany him.

Knowing Carmy wouldn’t move until you did, you slowly walked around the bed before gently sitting at the foot, inviting Carmy to join you with the tilt of your head. His movement was awkward, unsure like no one prepared him for this moment and he didn’t know what to do with himself.

The two of you sat next to each other, little to no distance between you as his bouncing knee knocked into yours a few times letting you know just how nervous he was. Carmy tried his hardest not to steal glimpses of you in his peripheral vision, but it was hard not to when you were sitting there beside him in a bed the two of you shared countless times. If times were different he might’ve reached out to purposely touch you, to assure himself you were physically here with him. To remind himself of what once was between the two of you. What could no longer be?

“You read now?” Your question pulled him out of the recesses of his mind as he watched you lay the book in your lap, surprised it hadn’t dented from the fall. “Sorry that came out wrong, I just…I remember how much you despised it growing up.”

Carmy listened as your voice trailed off in a whisper, he wondered if thinking about your intertwined past hurt you as much as it did him. He wished he could stay locked in his room with you for the remainder of the evening relearning who you were as a person and learning all about everything he missed out on with you out of his life. He gently reached over grabbing the book out of your lap and setting it to his side before delicately plucking the picture out of your hands, smoothing out a corner your grip bent unconsciously as he spoke.

“Yeah, I uh picked it up at the French Laundry it uh really helped focus me.” He nodded his head remembering the way he would lose himself in the educational books in an effort to stop himself wondering what you were up to.

The quiet giggle you let out drew his attention, his eyes caught sight of your toothy smile before finding your eyes. “Sorry I always just picture you doing a bunch of laundry there.”

He let out a chuckle of his own relaxing more into the conversation as he angled his body towards you, a small smile lined his lips all because of yours. Carmy let his eyes dart around your face wanting to take in the minute joy that he was able to bring forth in you, only to frown as he watched your face slowly lose its happy demeanor as your eyebrows pinched together and you pulled your lip between your teeth.

“What happened to us, Carmy?” The sadness in your voice was obvious as your finger darted out to tap the picture in his hand, after all this time you still had no idea what you did wrong. “I…I miss you so much Carm, I miss us. And I know it's stupid, you made it clear how you felt about me but you were my best friend and I,” you trailed off knowing now wasn’t the right time to reveal all you felt for him.

Carmy let his eyes fall, unable to watch the sadness on your face grow, instead staring at a happier version of you trapped in time “I called Baby…y-you never answered.”

A sardonic laugh escaped you at his words, wishing things were that easy, “I was hurt Carm of course I never answered your calls. I’ve forgiven you for a lot Carmy, more than you probably even know but I couldn’t let you think it was ok for you to say all of those things to me and then just let everything go back to normal.”

Carmy tried, he really did try to understand where you were coming from. He knew he was wrong for hurting you in the way he did but how did you expect things to get better if you were purposely ignoring him? “You could’ve called me Baby, whenever you were over everything you could’ve called.”

“Over it?” Carmy knew he said the wrong words the second the question left your lips. “Well I’m sorry Carm I didn’t get over it soon enough for you, you cut me out of your life of your own volition you pushed me away Carmy. And it would’ve been easier if you just ghosted me or something but you said it yourself Carm I ruined your life and you didn’t need me anymore.”

He flinched as the words left your lips forcing himself into a standing position as he tried to find the right words. “I-I tried ok Baby what more did you want me to do?”

“I wanted you to fight for me, Carmen!” You stood as well, lips trembling as you let years worth of bottled-up emotions spill out. “I wanted to know that I mattered to you how you mattered to me, I would’ve done anything for you, I always put you first above what I wanted. And all I wanted was that same effort in return I wanted to be your priority for once. All you had to do was fight for me…for us Carm.”

“We,” you paused trying to calm yourself down enough to get out a coherent sentence. “We grew up together, you were always my person Carmy and then…then you just threw it all away. You threw me away like I was nothing to you.”

Carmy closed his eyes tilting his head back to the ceiling, it was selfish, he knew it was the moment the thought crossed his mind, but he couldn’t hear these words from you right now, no matter how much he wished to put this tension between the two of you to rest. But the raw emotion in your voice and the tears streaming down your face were too much for him at that moment. He took a second to try and collect the dozens of thoughts racing through his mind. Hoping to land on what he thought you wanted to hear, anything to soothe the indigestion starting to burn through his chest.

He came back to reality, eyes no longer looking in your direction, posture closed off signifying he was done with this conversation whether you agreed or not. He slid the picture in his hand into his back pocket, unable to stare at the happy kids in the picture with hardly any worries.

“Did you?” His voice was quiet as he asked the question head turning in your direction, but eyes never quite landing on your figure, as if he couldn’t stand to look at you. “D-did you fight for us?” He waited for your reply, becoming impatient as confusion washed over your features, deciding to just say what he needed to get off his chest.

“Baby you-…you’re married.”

The words hung heavy in the air between you, Carmy’s voice an exhausted whisper as he spoke them. You looked at him as though his words were news to you, confused as to where he even got that idea from but more than that you couldn’t understand how being married canceled out a friendship with him. Nonetheless, there it was, exactly what you didn’t want to happen: Carmen's incessant need to avoid the tough conversations that he couldn’t help but make everyone else’s problem.

A shocked laugh ripped through you, finding his statement utterly ridiculous, “What the hell are you even talking about?” You didn’t give him a chance to respond not caring about the misinformation at the moment just wanting to call him out on his bullshit. “I know what you’re doing Carmen, and if you can’t face me and hash this out right now then I don’t think there’s much more for either of us to say to each other.”

You stood there for a moment longer, hoping your earlier pleas had somehow gotten through to him, but as he stood there sunken into himself, eyes avoiding you at all cost you knew you were just a broken record talking to a brick wall at this point. An exhausted sigh escaped your lips as you began leaving the room, not wanting to waste any more of your time.

“Baby,” his voice stopped you as you reached the door, hand on the knob as you tried to make your exit. You allowed yourself to turn around expecting more than you should’ve as you found him looking in your direction, words seemingly on the tip of his tongue before he shook his head back and forth.

A teary-eyed smile graced your face as you gave him one last look, “I hope life was everything you wanted it to be Carm.”

You turned, making your exit and closing the door behind you. Your heart ached as you finally realized after so long that maybe there was nothing else in store for you and Carmy.

You made your way through the house, looking for any space that you could compose yourself in, not wanting to ruin anyone else’s Christmas with your unpleasant mood. You did your best to quickly walk past the room containing the Fak Brothers, Steven, and surprisingly a still sober Hayden. Any other time you would have sat comfortably next to Stevie and Hayden as raptly intrigued as they were with the Fak family shenanigans. But in those potential instances, you also wouldn’t have been overthinking every decision you made regarding your friendship with Carmen and wondering why even after that shit show of a conversation you still held an inkling of hope for the two of you.

Continuing your journey through the house narrowly avoiding guests as you went, you quickly backtracked as you noticed a familiar back blankly facing the pantry. You felt bad for even letting the thought cross your mind, but you weren’t sure if Mikey was the right person to seek comfort in, knowing he already had his hands full trying to keep everything under control.

It was ridiculous to let something Carmy said have such an impact on you within such a short amount of time. But if anyone knew who Carmy thought you were married to it was Mikey, and you were adamant on getting to the bottom of the rumor before the end of the night.

You let out a defeated sigh stepping slightly forward to wrap your arms around Mikey’s torso, cheek settling into the space between his shoulder blades, “Your little brother is a fucking idiot.” You murmured voice slightly muffled by Mikey’s back.

A rough laugh escaped through Mikey’s lips as he patted your hand resting on his stomach, “Sure is when it comes to you ain’t he?” He questioned removing himself from your hold to lean his back against the pantry doorway. You followed suit standing opposite of him, the two of you now face to face.

You took in Mikey’s features, brows pinching together at the faraway look in his eyes. It always amazed you that no matter if Mikey was physically in front of you, there was always a chance he was mentally somewhere else. That was the one similarity you could pick out between the two Berzatto boys, while Mikey’s charisma did a good job of hiding it, Carmen’s awkwardness put it on full display.

You reached out tugging at the sleeve of his shirt, “How are you doing Mikey?” You were genuinely curious, it's not like you were oblivious to Mikey’s many faults, the difference was you didn’t think he was a lost cause like everyone else. And as hard as it was to admit it to yourself you would never address the fact that you romanticized who Mikey was as a person. The Mikey you knew as a little girl was still the same Mikey you saw standing before you, and maybe he had a few more demons in his closet that he made sure to keep tightly veiled from you, but it felt egregiously wrong to align your Mikey with the boogeyman everyone else made him out to be.

Mikey laughed swatting your hand away, “It's the most wonderful time of the fucking year Baby, how do you think I’m doing?” Mikey’s adversity in answering your question wasn’t lost upon you, but you knew Mikey wasn’t one to openly talk about how he was feeling. If avoidance was what you were going to get, you knew there was no chance of this conversation going anywhere. You were 0 for 2 with the Berzatto brothers this evening it seemed.

You sighed, knocking your head against the wall you were leaning on, eyes shifting downwards as you prepared yourself for the topic you were about to bring up, “Can I ask you a question, Mikey? And can you be serious with me for one minute?” You pleaded needing someone to validate the way you felt since your less-than-enlightening conversation with Carmy.

Mikey nodded eyebrows pinching together, a lick of concern tickled down his spine. Mikey knew you just as well as he knew his actual siblings. Despite the age difference, Mikey grew up right there with you, watching you grow into the person you are now, learning your mannerisms, and understanding you as a person. You hadn’t asked for it but Mikey made it his mission to know you just as well as the younger Berzatto’s, if you were gonna be tossed into his eccentric family due to circumstance, he would do his best to treat you like a bonus little sister.

The slight nod of his head queued you to reveal your query, “Do you ever feel, I don’t know, like inadequate?” You questioned scratching your nails against the material of your outfit, too consumed by the idea that Mikey would write your odd inquiry off. “Like sometimes it’s just exhausting to even fucking exist and-and there’s no rule book for this shit, but sometimes even your absolute best will never be good enough ya know? Like no matter how hard you try it doesn’t fucking matter because you’re just gonna die someday anyway?”

You chanced a glance at Mikey hoping he wouldn’t take your very real insecurities as a joke. The blank stare in his eyes greeted you by telling you a different story. Mikey was a hard person to read, and though you believed you had cracked the code to his complex soul, it was in moments like these that you knew you couldn’t be more wrong.

The sudden movement of Mikey’s hands reaching up to cup your face and jerk your head closer to him almost caused you to lose balance. “Why the fuck would you say that?” The tone in Mikey’s voice forced you to try and shrink into yourself. “This got anything to do with my shithead little brother?”

Your eyes cast downwards not prepared for the intensity in Mikey’s eyes, your lips parting to respond before abruptly being cut off by Mikey, “Fucking look at me when I’m talking to you, Baby. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” His hands redirected your gaze to his with a more gentle approach.

You shrugged your shoulders, feeling stupid for even talking like this in front of Mikey, “I’m not sure, to be honest. I talked to Carmy, and it went as well as you would guess. And I just, I don’t know, I guess I just got lost in my head. And work has been so stressful lately, I still have two years left in my contract so if I do move back here I’m going to have to buy it out.” You shook your head from his grip, “It's just nonsense, don’t worry about me. I think seeing Carmy after so long just made me spiral.” You offered him a small smile hoping it was as reassuring as you thought it was.

Mikey pulled you into a hug chin resting atop your head. Mikey’s hugs were like magic, a bear hug so comforting and warm, his arms made you feel safe, and protected. You felt a little selfish for constantly dumping your problems on Mikey, but he had become your closest confidant, you wish the same could be said about you from Mikey’s point of view, but you were already lucky enough that he shared what little nuggets of the inner working of his life that he did with you.

Mikey pulled back, his hands settled on your shoulders to get a good look at you, “Don’t let me hear you say shit like that again alright Baby?” You nodded the corner of your lips curving slightly as Mikey played the role of big brother and began scolding you. “You’re a great fucking girl alright, and don’t even worry about Carmy, you’ve got a heart of fucking gold. You’re like that motherfucker with the gold touch alright, and I need you Baby okay? I need you and that means something right, you’re fucking adequate these fuckers in this house wish they were you.”

You laughed, the melodic sound filling the space between the two of you, “King Midas.”

Mikey’s hands dropped from their position on your shoulders frowning at you, “Who the fuck is that?”

“The motherfucker with the gold touch,” You joked.

“Alright, you fucking smart ass.” Mikey reached up to flick your nose, a small gesture carried on from childhood.

The two of you stood in the other’s presence for what felt like forever, no words needing to be passed between you. You and Mikey enjoyed being in each other's company, using the pantry as a place of solace before returning to reality. The sound of Donna’s voice yelling about saltines pulled you out of the moment as you listened to Carmy’s reply unaware of when he made his way back downstairs. You glanced in the pantry spotting the saltines Carmy would be coming to acquire a small sigh leaving your lips. If Carmy was going to avoid a much-needed conversation, you would just avoid him. Sure it was petty but you wanted him to somehow get a taste of the suffering his lack of effort caused you.

“Well, this has been fun, but I’m currently avoiding that brother of yours.” You shot Mikey a sarcastic smile preparing to find some other hole to hide in before family dinner commenced only to remember what you came to ask him about in the first place. “Did you tell him I was married?”

Mikey let out a full belly laugh causing you to frown at his reaction, unsure if he was laughing at the thought of you being married or Carmy just being an idiot. “Where the fuck did he get that idea from?”

His question hung in the air before realization washed over the both of you, Mikey’s smile widened as you let out a groan “Richie.”

You should’ve known someone planted the idea in Carmy’s head you just couldn’t believe Carmy fell for it. Though you still couldn’t understand why something of the sort would ever matter to Carmy in the first place.

“My little brother is a fucking idiot,” Mikey chuckled moving out of the way to allow you to pass by. You laughed glad that someone agreed with your astute observation skills. Deciding to check on Tiff you nicked the box of saltines and made your way to the stairs before stopping at the landing.

“Hey.” You turned back to Mikey catching his attention for a brief moment, if the raise of his eyebrows was any conformation. “I love you brother bear.” You shot him a wink then proceeded to continue your previously decided journey.

Mikey watched your figure disappear up the stairs, a solemn smile resting on his lips. The idea that you had at one point harbored such unnerving thoughts scared him. But what scared him, even more, was he knew exactly what you were talking about.

a/n: posting this update because i know this work week is going to push me past my limit and i'm gonna need something to take my mind off to it. 🫶🏼

enjoy chapter 2 of the rewrite please fangirl with me i am begging i love hearing all your thoughts and theories. likes/comments/and reblogs are highly appreciated. 🤍

also please make sure to take care of your mental health this week regardless of what tuesday's outcome is, it's going to be rough so please take care of yourselves and stay safe!!

[spoiledveins]

      💀  * [ ariana grande + demigirl + she/they ] —— have you met carmen 'cj' scaletta? they are a twenty-five year old junior currently studying software engineering. they live on decker house, and word around campus is that this gemini is outgoing + intelligent, as well as unreliable + nosy. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. staring at code and trying to figure out what's wrong, half finished mugs of coffee, and a smile that doesn't quite reach the eyes.  [ ooc: opossum. 18. she/they & est. ]

      — it’s me again.... unfortunately. this is my other baby, cj. her name is carmen but pls don’t call her that,, she will probably kill u. i’m still opossum, i’m still eighteen, and i’m gonna go right into it like i did with amelie.

𝐵  𝐴  𝑆  𝐼  𝐶   ╱  𝐹  𝐴  𝐶  𝑇  𝑆    

    𝗙𝗨𝗟𝗟  𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘  :  carmen jane scaletta            𝗡𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘𝗦  :  cj, caramel            𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥  :  demigirl           𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗡𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗦  :  she / they                   𝗗𝗔𝗧𝗘  𝗢𝗙  𝗕𝗜𝗥𝗧𝗛  :  june 3rd, 1995               𝗛𝗘𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧  :  five feet      𝗦𝗘𝗫𝗨𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬  :  pansexual / panromantic               𝗛𝗢𝗠𝗘  𝗧𝗢𝗪𝗡  :  las vegas, nevada

she was born in sicily, but moved to vegas when she was about one year old

yes u can judge me for what i’m abt to say. yes it is overdone. i’m sorry i’m not original please love me anyways. anyways. her family was very heavily involved with the mafia, her father being a made man (a fully involved member of the mafia. must be italian or of italian descent. appointed by another made man) and that meant no escape from the lifestyle. she grew up around violence and had eventually became numb to it

the move to the states was not “for a better life” or anything like that, it was to continue her father’s life in new territory. wherever they needed her family, that’s where they would go. and so the move to vegas was made

growing up, she kinda took into her father’s footsteps. she entered a small crime ring with her best friend, with small crimes such as money laundering and shit like that. murder going on wasn’t a surprise to her, and it didn’t bother her either. she had been conditioned that this was normal, and people had what they had coming. her best friend bailed, taking cj with him. they were both underage, and snitched on everybody involved. 

her father disowned her the second he found out that she and her best friend had snitched on that crime ring. he refused to have a rat living in his house, feeling like he had failed by raising a snitch. something that you would be murdered for in his line of work, he couldn’t have that stain in his family. but he couldn’t kill her, not his carmen. 

her mother, this meek and quiet woman took money from her fathers savings to send her only daughter away to holloway. 

cj had always shown an interest in video games, and wanted to make her own. she wanted to make things that people enjoyed, remembering the times she would find solace in playing the legend of zelda while gunshots rang out downstairs in the livingroom

in freshman year of college, she ended up creating a game that skyrocketed off. she created a game called stardew valley (yes, that one) a 16-bit farming simulation game. she is the sole designer, coder, artist, programmer, and composer of the game, and the way the game skyrocketed is what has helped her stay afloat in school since her father dropped her like a bad habit. 

she is very in different to what is happening on campus. she knows this kind of shit happens. yes it’s upsetting, but... she’s pretty sure she’s seen worse. cj just goes along her normal school day

that was a lot of splurge. here’s her actual personality.

very cold and detached, but she can play nice if she has to. she’s got a lot of walls built up, you have to be level 7 friendship to learn abt her tragic backstory

very outgoing! loves being outside and being with the friends she does have. she tends to ghost, making her incredibly unreliable. she always has a cup of coffee with her to try and make it through the day. a bitch is tired

gender ??? does not exist. it is a concept. you can call her she / they / he, cj doesn’t give a shit. she mainly goes by she, but will also respond to anything else. (this is my own experience through being a demigirl, i cannot speak for others)

if you are her friend i apologize. 

also she has a little pet rat named dani. he can do tricks and he’s cj’s everything

anyways uh.... that was a lot more splurge than amelie, but that’s because i knew cj a little bit better than amelie. she’s still KINDA new but ! hit that like button if u wanna plot with her, i promise u will not regret it

[fuckyeahcarlosandlidia]

Season 4

So guys, as I said in my previous post, this blog is not spoiler free so I’ll give my opinion on the season, since I watched all the episodes.  If you don’t want to spoil yourself, be careful because I’ll go into details.

The season started well, probably too well, and I should have seen it coming.  My expectations were high, I admit it; the pic we got of them from season 5 set kinda made me feel sure that nothing bad could happen in season 4, when you have Lidia and Carlos like that in season 5, when Lidia is holding him and looking at him like that. (x)  Also, Blanca’s interviews reassured me as well because it really didn’t sound that romantic feelings were involved when it comes to Francisco, and that Lidia was very much sure of the choice she made, of the life she has with Carlos, and their family together.

It turns out that yes, Lidia is indeed happy with the life she has, the first episode was actually really good to me.  I enjoyed pretty much everything and I felt for each character. Sure, it was sad that Lidia couldn’t stay at home not even one night with Carlos and Eva because she had to go playing the nurse for Francisco, but I got it.  It was understandable.  Then it became too much and you could feel Carlos’ insecurities raising and raising and raising, and honestly that’s very much understandable, too.

My biggest problem with all of this is that the writers decided to make Carlos act completely OOC in order to separate him from Lidia and for her to go back to Francisco.  And to me, this is completely unacceptable and mean. You don’t destroy a character to make the other side of the triangle happen and to make the other guy shine, it’s too convenient. Do they really think it looks great for Lidia and Francisco to happen like this? Or should I call her Alba again, since IMO that ending is her going back being Alba. 

Lidia increased Carlos’ insecurities, she didn’t talk when she needed to, she didn’t reassure him when he needed it.  She kept being obsessed with Francisco being in a coma because apparently it was their fault he ended up like that.  Excuse me, how’s that Carlos’ fault anyway, since he got shot too and couldn’t be at the airport to save Eva?  How is that Lidia’s fault as well?  Since Francisco is an adult man who decides consciously what to do with his life and consciously was there to help Lidia getting Eva back. What happened was an accident. If Lidia felt guilty because she’s the one who kept asking him for help, every single time things with Carlos are rough, that’s her problem. But Francisco’s conditions were anybody’s fault.

Carlos was supportive, patient, ready to help her and listen to her constantly, even if it was just watching her being in pain for Francisco, and she didn’t appreciate it at all.  She actually kept him at distance. So Carlos had every right to feel insecure, fearful and left out. To be honest, I understand why he went crazy, it was a very hard situation to handle. But let’s get to that. We’ve been told Carlos used his mother’s money to rebuild the company behind Lidia’s back, because she didn’t want to use Carmen’s money. Seriously, this was made up to create this stupid plot for Carlos. He was happy at the radio station in season 3 and just went back at the Company because his mother asked him to, or else she would have report Lidia to the police.

Suddenly, he was so interested in the Company, but okay fine, he used his mother’s money. He should have told Lidia about it, of course, but he probably couldn’t imagine that his mother would have left the prison anytime soon. Of course, she was back before he thought and he found himself in a very difficult situation, because his mother blackmailed him, because she’s just a precious human being. Carlos’ intentions are to fix everything by himself because Lidia doesn’t have to find out and because he doesn’t want his mother near her and Eva. That’s when everything starts and that’s when Carlos’ downhill starts.  But let me get this straight, the fact that Carlos wanted to use the money he owed to his mother to help Francisco, well that to me was wonderful.  And yes of course he was doing it for Lidia, bu honestly does that matter? He wanted to do it. And here I’ll say something about Elisa.

Did you get Elisa’s side in all of this, guys?  Because seriously I didn’t. She was one way with Carlos, and the complete opposite with her mother.  She actually convinced Carlos to take Eva at the park only to meet Carmen. She played with Carlos’ feelings too, she told him things about Lidia, his relationship with Lidia comparing it to the one she had with Francisco. Only to make him feel more and more insecure, because Lidia would leave him as soon as Francisco woke up. She accused him of doing everything to keep Lidia close to him because he was scared to lose her, and the way she did all of this was really bad to watch. Is this the way a sister treats her brother? Is this her way to help him? No, please, it’s insane. Lidia and Carlos’s relationship has NOTHING to do with what Elisa and Francisco had. And even later when she finds out Carlos didn’t tell Lidia Francisco woke up and he has amnesia, the first thing she does is saying everything to Carmen.  SERIOUSLY?  Whose side are you on? 

I truly hoped she was the one who help to fix the situation.  A good sister would have gone to Lidia and told her everything. Yes, she indeed told Carlos to tell the truth to Lidia because it was the right thing to do but she didn’t do it in the right way and he was lost already. She was no help. And of course  knowing everything Carmen used all of this to her own advantage. I know that Carlos fell into his own trap but no one truly helped him. And finally when Lidia talked to him and told him the things he needed to hear, it was just too late. He already made the big mistake.  And there was no going back because he just kept doing mistakes one by one, victim of his own fears, his insecurities and mind games, too. It was a mess.

What I truly believe though is that Lidia accepted his proposal genuinely. She was truly sure and happy about it.  Sara/Oscar was condemned and Lidia realized life is too short, everything can change in a minute and that’s why she accepts to marry Carlos. That was good, it was actually a beautiful scene but obviously it wasn’t at the right time, because Carlos was lying to her. And he had no escape, or at least he had, he needed to tell Lidia the truth, facing the consequences but he can’t. Once again, Elisa doesn’t find the right words to explain it to him. And it was really bad to see him lying to Lidia’s face, but for the life of me, I just can’t truly accept how they could treat so badly a character only to make the other appear as the true hero, the one that can’t be manipulated, the one that always does the right thing. Francisco doesn’t remember anything except Alba, the young version of her. The woman before him is a stranger but wait, it’s his Alba so he’s willing to do anything she asks him to.

Lidia decides to run away with him and Eva, just RIGHT AFTER she finds out Carlos lied to her. Because she realizes Carlos wants to keep her and Francisco apart, so Carlos is the big bad guy now who keeps the lovers apart. Is this real? Are we watching a joke or a show which is supposed to be about feminism and keeps making the protagonist washy washy between two men? Does Lidia need a man or a dog? Can’t Lidia just leave alone with her daughter, if she feels that Eva is not safe as long as Carmen is alive? Why leaving with Francisco, just like that, taking away Eva from Carlos, his own daughter? Yes, he put her in danger, but he had no idea what Carmen intended to do. He was so blind and they made him so dumb, my poor baby, he just couldn’t understand anything anymore. But of course Francisco and Lidia need a fresh start, and all Carlos gets is punishment. Like “hey, you wanted this, you did everything yourself.” And I’m sorry but that’s not good writing. AT ALL.  

The characters keep doing the same mistakes, all over again, there’s no growth, actually they go downhill. The season in general was slow, confusing, with no logic at all. We spent 5 episodes with Francisco in a coma, dealing with his cures and when he gets up, it feels like he never was in a coma. Seriously, oh Doctor Miracle, right? Called by Carlos, BTW.  Angeles was killed in such a stupid way. They didn’t give her a second chance, they didn’t reunite her with her daughter, they made her lie to, and then she gets shot just like that.  Everyone survives a bullet but not her.  The whole central plot became boring because they dragged it too much, and the characters just dance around themselves with no logic at all. Where’s season 1 quality? And season 2 as well?

Damn I thought season 3 was bad, but season 4 was a nightmare. A real nightmare.  To be honest, it felt like a fan fiction written by a Francisco and Lidia’s shipper. We got it, they wanted to separate Carlos and Lidia because they wanted to re-open the triangle, and since they have 2 more seasons to come - yes Roger Gual, the director replied in a Instagram story that season 6 is in pre-production, kill me - they needed to do it, I guess. But for God’s sake they did it in the worst way EVER because they decided to hit Carlos, making him act OOC, for that to happen. Or else, Lidia wouldn’t be “justified” to change her mind. Is that supposed to be good for Alba and Francisco, anyway? I don’t think so.

I really don’t know what to think about season 5, how that pic from set is going to fit in all of this, because clearly in that pic they do seem very close. Honestly, right now I’m very mad and disappointed. And I feel played as well, because do they think we’re stupid? I mean, the nonsense was huge. Anyway, said that, guys I’ll obviously post gifs from the new season, be active and everything. If you have requests, feel free to ask and if you want to share thoughts about the season, they’re very welcome:D Let’s hold on together, dealing with the disappointment and hoping for the best to come. 

[samsylviasmoustache]

K, L, N, T, V for the fanfic ask :)

K:  Do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)?

The grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one. I don’t know why this trope has its hooks in me so badly, but it always has. Interestingly, I, a grumpy one, eventually stopped dating other grumpy ones and found a sunshine one of my own. I resisted for Y E A R S because I though sunshine = boring but I WAS WRONG.

Kind of related to this, but also, I love snarky ships. I’m not entirely convinced those relationships can really exist outside of fiction, because they tend to need BIG STAKES emotional drama to make them in any way healthy… 12/Clara is a great example of this to me, because they are characters who are frequently quite mean to one another and I love their creative teasing of one another. But underlying that, and almost always unspoken, is the knowledge that they would, without hesitation, die for each other. And you can always sign me straight up for THAT. I love writing the banter and I love reading it.

I don’t feel it’s something I hit as well for GLOW as I did for Doctor Who – Clara was easier to write for me than Ruth is. But I try. It’s possibly why I love writing/watching Debbie and Sam too. They get the snark, just without the ship. I still feel like they’d (probably very grudgingly) have each other’s back’s at a push. I’ve certainly written that a lot, like Debbie attacking people with a metal pole in Desert Mirage and Sam being her hospital buddy with Randy in If I Should Falter. My favourite piece of dialogue I have possibly EVER written is still:

“I just happened to be here at the hospital, minding my own business, when, you know, you almost run me over.”

“I did not almost run you over.” She considers this. “There was at least two feet—”

“Six inches.”

She does laugh at that, a dark chuckle that bubbles out from underneath the carapace she’s wearing. “God. Imagine if I’d killed you.”

“Can you maybe not smile like that while you do?”

L:  Which of your fanfics was the most emotionally challenging to write?

Hmm! I always find writing very cathartic to be honest, so even the sad ones tend to leave me feeling lighter. But... Listen was quite tough. And there’s a bit in If I Should Falter (that, tbh, is probably OOC) where Sam talks about being with people when they’re dying. That was quite tough but it was something I wanted to process, I guess.

N: Any fic ideas brewing that you’d care to share?

Oh, God, so many. Some back history of Sam stuff, that may or may not see light of day. A Ruth POV fix it fic for post s3. Some pieces for the other characters – I miss writing Carmen and I have some Arthie ideas but they’re very rudimentary at the moment. More smut/domestic fluff with Sam and Ruth, set post If I Should Falter. I want to do some AUs at some point too.

T: Any fanfic tropes you can’t stand?

Not really. Maybe anything where characters are fixed in particular roles?? But even that done well can be satisfying.

V: Are there certain comments you’ve received on your stories that have stuck with you?

I know it’s a cliché but every comment GENUINELY freights joy to me. Longer comments telling me about how my writing made them feel? Just absolutely magical. People who come back over and over again throughout a fic? *Chef’s kiss* I received some comments on If I Should Falter that I go and reread when I have a bad day or feel shitty about myself. People who reacted to a line or two of Sam’s inner monologue, or picked out themes I was building across chapters… I was honestly properly moved, and grateful they took the time to tell me.

[bells-of-black-sunday]

✔

plotting guide | accepting 

My muse(s): Bell, Thresh (normal or spectral), Yijun (any of his aus would probably work), Azrael, Mary, Satan, Carmen, Hikari, and Journey.  But as always feel free to check out my muse list if you think there’d be any other muses that would work well! [link]

Do I know your muse(s): yes | no | a little | tell me about your muse

Setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other

Pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship

Possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other

I’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other

Feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests!

[aarondinglestan]

OK last L word question. And this time the fav means fav indeed (if you have any). Did you have any fav romantic dynamic, friendship dynamic or a character you had a crush on personality/looks wise? I ask because I always lean to favoritism; subconsciously one way or another.

Lmfao OK, i’ll preface this with “it’s been at least a year or two since i rewatched only some parts of L word“, so like, my memory sucks. onwards:

My fave is Shane, tbh. She’s an interesting character, kinda fucked up, but still really kind at heart. Also I see that that kinda contradiction in a character really draws me in lol. I really liked her dynamic with both Carmen and Molly, though it was embarrassingly obvious that monogamy was never gonna be for her and like, she would’ve had way less stress, cheating, bad decisions etc. if she were in an open relationship or something. I was so crushed when she left Carmen at the altar, but honestly, I don’t think they ever would’ve worked long-term, because Carmen was very much about monogamy. I really liked Carmen too, she was kind, funny, and not a pushover. It was also good to see her family come around and accept her and Shane in their own way. It’s a pity she was only there for a couple seasons, because she really brought a good element into the dynamic. Shane’s character felt really lost after Carmen had left, it was like they tried out different kinds of storylines for her, and the “playgirl“ kinda stitch was starting to get tiring. She did become more alive again during the Molly arc, before the show did the unthinkable and paired her with Jenny.

I really do also like Alice, though they pretty much forgot about her being bisexual and had her like, be biphobic in the end lmao, true L word style. Her high points for me were her friendship with Dana (though after the break-up her characterisation went very wonky and she became more of a weird comic stitch), and relationship with Tasha. Tasha brought out new things in Alice, probably through exposing the elitistic and kinda racist side to her and making her re-evaluate who she had become. Since all the characters in this series became more and more one-dimensional and OOC as the show went on.

Also I loved Tasha, she felt like a breath of fresh air in such a white show along with Papi, and I think her storyline with the army was one of the most important storylines the show did manage to do. She and Alice were interesting together, because though they shouldn’t’ve worked, somehow they still did, and they had good chemistry together.

I liked Jenny too, at the start. I liked her friendship with Shane, her slow realization about her sexuality and in the end coming to identify as lesbian. But I really really dislike how the show did the dirty on her and made her character so gross, one-dimensional, abrasive, vain, arrogant and all-around horrible that it’s really a pity, ending in having her killed in the lamest and weirdest ending in a TV show. I rmr reading some discussions about how Jenny was reduced to harmful stereotypes about Jewish women and like, from what I can remember from the show, I do agree with that. Having her start a relationship with Shane and have Shane stay in it basically because she was kind was one of the most crappiest things the show did.

Dana brought so much lightheartedness into the show. She was dumb and awkward in the most lovable and relatable way. Her death really fucked me up a bit, and I think the dynamic of the show never really recovered from that. Because I did really enjoy the casual friendship-side of things on the show, like Alice and Shane too being good friends etc, like I think the friendships were the backbone of the show, which did disappear a lot as the show went on and became this weird, one-dimensional caricature of itself.

[outofthisgxlaxy]

Teams for Pokemon AU

(ooc: Sure! Let me see what I can come up with off the top of my head. I have a few thoughts for some of my muses, but not all of them.

Under the cut because this is long.)

Steven’s team consists of a Litten named Tiger Millionaire ((Tiger for short)), a Mimikyu named Lonely Blade ((Lonely for short)), and a Pyroar he calls Lion that belonged to Rose while she was alive. He’s not much of a trainer yet, but wants to be able to step out of Rose’s shadow since she was a famous trainer. He also wants to be a contest trainer more than anything.

Potential additions to his team include Rockruff, Buneary, and maaaaaybe Froakie but we’ll see. Those three are all kind of up in the air.

Lapis’ team is small and consists of an Oshawott and Brionne. The Oshawott she affectionately calls Nugget. She adores water types and is looking for a Feebas to train, but doesn’t actively go out of her way to battle anyone.

Greg’s team includes a Pikachu, an Eevee, and a Clefable.

Yvette’s (Yellow Pearl) team consists of a Delphox, Klefki, Flabébé, Meowstic, Sylveon, and a Gardevoir. They all probably have super fancy nicknames.

Jasper’s team includes an Arcanine, Bastiodon, Garchomp, Staraptor, and Luxray. No one knows what her starter Pokemon was. Her Arcanine sort of her ace and one that she relies heavily on. He contended heavily against Lion when Rose was still alive, and Jasper was one of Rose’s most competitive rivals.

Carmen (Carnelian) is still getting started, but her team mimics Jasper’s as much as she can make it. She has a Growlithe that she calls Luke.

Garnet’s team consists primarily of her prized Plusle and Minun, Ruby and Sapphire. She also varies her team a bit now and again, but likes to stick to double battling where she can. Sometimes she likes playing with weather based teams, but no matter what Ruby and Sapphire will always stay on her team. She adores them.

Beatrix (Bismuth) has a team that consists of a Cinderace, Centiskorch, Aegislash, Corviknight, Perrserker, and Falinks. While she prefers fire and steel types, Falinks won her over because of this Pokemon’s no quitter attitude. She’s adopted that sort of mentality in her own battle techniques. ‘No retreat, no surrender.’ She also is avidly in to studying the legend behind Galar, in particular the history behind Zacian and Zamazenta. She also wants to meet those two legendaries in particular.

Lexi (Leggy) is a total newbie trainer. She only has a Charmander.

Topaz is purely a breeder, but she has a loyal Talonflame that helps her hatch eggs she obtains.

Rue and Tillie (the Rutile twins) always do double battles, so they only have three Pokemon each. It’s not uncommon to see them using Pokemon along the lines of Girafarig, Doduo, Zweilous, and such.

Sadie has a Gengar, Umbreon, Houndoom, Honchkrow, and Weavile.