#Carl Perksins

[tearyeye-private-i]

Between me, and whoever is reading this. While I do want to return to research, and while I'd like the idea of it. There's something still preventing me from doing it.

Maybe it's because I used it as a distraction, so it's no longer my coping mechainsm. Maybe it's because I picked up more trauma while doing research. Maybe that's all just excuses and I'm just lazy.

I will say one thing, though. I was re-reading my little movie review about John's movie, The Pride of Jesse Hallum. I wrote: "It's a great movie, though, I probably have a biased opinion because I more or less think everything, John, Carl, Roy, and Jerry Lee do is great." Alibet, I had exceptions, but I sorta wish I still had the same enthusiam that I had back then.

Whatever love I had for them has definitely changed, from one of rose-tinted glasses to cynicism.

It's hard to write about people, in a favorable light, when you don't like them as people. If that makes sense.

A part of me wishes I could go in on them, but there's the other issue. Carl, John, Roy, and Jerry Lee, have some zealot fans, which I've met the ire of before. Threats. Hate and inappropriate mesages. I just don't know if it's worth risking my own safety or mental health, writing about four men I question why I liked in the first place.

So, there's that.

I just hate how big of hypocrits each one of them were, big old liars, and how they pretended not to be. It's one thing to admire someone's musical talents, but I'm not sure if people should admire their negative traits or pretend they didn't exist.

Like, I still admire John's activistism, I think he said some wise things, I took to heart. But there's also the things I dislike, that I feel should be challenged, like his 'Ragged Old Flag,' threatening to shoot someone with a gun "full of love," for burning the flag. Literally right after Kris Kristopherson sang "Johnny Lobo," a song about Native American activist John Trudell, who burned the flag.

Basically, what I'm getting at is, pointing out negative things a dead person did, a long time ago isn't "cancling" them. It's just a "the fuck, John."

I mean, Carl, John, Roy, and Jerry Lee lived their entire lives trying to get out of Elvis' shadow. None ever really achiving the level of super stardom Elvis had, maybe John, maybe Roy, but still. If Elvis isn't above the same critism or "the fuck, Elvis," type of examination. Then how on earth are Carl, John, Roy, and Jerry Lee above it?

But whatever, all thoughts into the void. Between me, and whoever is reading this.