#Capable of making us look for them
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Capaci di farci cercare - Capable of making us look for them
Capaci di farci cercare.L’arte della vita più difficile da imparare. Perché non dobbiamo interrogare nulla e nessuno, perché non dobbiamo viaggiare per luoghi o cuori.Non dobbiamo fare, ma stare.Sulla riva della vita, con lo sguardo sul reale mendicante dell’Invisibile in cammino. Continue reading Untitled

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#amore#battesimo#blog#Capable of making us look for them#Capaci di farci cercare#cuore#domenica#Giovanni Battista#heart#I never give up#life#love#myself#Non mollo#oggi#pensieri#real#reale#roberto perodi#Sunday#Sunday Gospel#thoughts#today#today&039;s gospel#vita
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"You can't ship MelVik because Mel was mean/looked down on/was classicist towards Viktor, and it's obvious Viktor doesn't get along with her because of how he looks at her!" But you ship JayVik, which equally has its moments of Jayce looking down on Viktor and carrying his own form of classicism, has his being mean or just inconsiderate here and there (and Viktor to him in vice versa), and even Viktor himself has been shown to argue or not always be on the same page as Jayce, but you have no problem shipping them together. This isn't about trying to influence people to ship MelVik, because whether you do or don't, the argument usually against it (or from what I've seen) from these certain types of fans is so surface level and often always paints Mel in this weird light like she's the sole perpetrator of everything bad in Viktor's life and/or acts like two characters suddenly disagreeing with one another is grounds for a ship being incompatible, even though worse things can happen between a pairing and they still will be enjoyed. And this argument is usually, even outside of Viktor, aimed towards ships involving Mel (eg. MelJay or Melvika) and it's not hard to know why, especially with how rampant misogynoir is in this fandom. Again, not saying you have to ship MelVik, but if your reason behind that is the excuse I listed above and you're aligned with the rest of this post....I need you to analyze that.
#arcane#anti arcane#anti arcane fandom#arcane fandom critical#mel medarda#arcane viktor#melvik#like viktor literally set up jayce's life to fit his own needs/gains permanently altering every choice jayce will make from then on#and people still ship them but mel being a little classicist or just disagreeing with viktor and suddenly them as a ship#is too inconceivable? hmmm even though jayce openly in front of viktor mind you looked down on the undercity (aka viktor) but it's still#okay to ship them#another reasom behind this is bc these same people view mel as an obstacle to their mlm ship and don't want her with either jayce or viktor#so they start coming up with reasons other than just saying they don't ship it to paint it/her as incompatible....while forgetting/ignoring#how their own ship meets these same pitfalls as well! 😭#misogynoir will have these people's brains getting tongue tied i swear#anyways viktor & mel have skin care routines that they adjusted to fit each others needs & capabilities and use those small moments#to gossip or complain about the council before going to bed in their expensive ass (matching) pj sets
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top tip for new gif people because i've seen a few recently (which is really cool) - tumblr will compress your gif to a width of 540px when you upload it. this compression won't retain as much quality as if you just resize it to 540px across in photoshop/whatever program you use. tumblr will suck the life out of your beautiful crisp 1080px gif whereas photoshop will do its best not to (resizing in vapoursynth or similar is ideal but that's not necessary and often too much effort for adults with real lives)
#i learnt all of this during covid as a teen with a sunday job so that's why i could afford to care#also 540px is if you've got one gif per row#2 gifs per row should be resized to a width of 268px each#and 3 per row is 177px - 178px - 177px#height doesn't matter#you can google tumblr gif dimensions for a diagram but there are a few from before they increased the width in photo posts so lots of#conflicting info there#these are the correct ones#it's personal preference whether to resize ofc but the vast majority of people do#also whilst i'm yapping here#photoshop can do stuff that other software or online platforms can't#obviously use whichever one you prefer or have access to - it really doesn't matter#the more gifs the better#yay#but if there's something you've seen other people do that you can't figure out#and you're not using photoshop#chances are the other person is.#there are good alternatives like photopea but that still doesn't quite match ps#saying this bc i had a small phase of being quite discouraged as a 17yo md/zs fan from looking at all the online options and realising that#none of them had the capabilities to create the kind of gfx that i saw other people making and wanted to try out myself#ofc there's a learning curve too and LOTS to get wrong then try again but there is also the insurmountable difference between ps and#online alternatives. i hope it doesn't put people off from trying#keep at it with whatever program you've got your hands on#and if you really want photoshop. well. cough 🏴☠️🏴☠️🏴☠️🏴☠️ cough#excuse me what was i saying#i cant remember bye have fun
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look i figured out how to put this post underwater

my personal opinions and interpretations of a piece of literature are incoming. this is me nitpicking but: by the end of the first ghost scrooge is already ashamed of himself and looking toward change and when the third ghost comes he assumes that theyre looking upon a future in which he has changed so he's terrified and devastated when he sees the reactions to his death because he doesn't know if the scrooge they know in a year's time is one who has changed, or one who has changed enough.

like yes i do think that seeing his own miserable lonely celebrated death is vital to the man he becomes on christmas morning BUT. it's not just that. scrooge's fatal flaw isn't just greed, it's isolation and indifference. seeing that there is tenderness and love in this world not far from him is as important as watching his own kin disregard him as lost and loathsome.
that's why, in my mind, seeing how loved tiny tim is, understanding the love and faith and perseverance of the Cratchits as well as his own hand in continuing their poverty and illness, and being struck with the abject tragedy of tim's (really quite preventable) death changes him as much as the businessmen's jokes about him do.
i think what the point one might make here comes down to the fact that it isnt until scrooge is confronted by the reality of the suffering he is enabling that he understands how badly he needs to make a change. he knew Bob Cratchit is poor, I'm sure, but he was able to ignore that fact until the spirits show him the Cratchits' home and their malnourished children. Healthcare CEOS see that every day, they arent ignorant. healthcare companies actively fight to keep people in poverty and sickness. so maybe they're way more evil than Scrooge, who's to say
#scrooge is soooo compelling honestly. like in Dickens' original work or adaptations that really understand the heart of the source (muppets)#he is undeniably cruel and greedy and cold at the story's beginning.#but he's also ignorant and as the story progresses you get the sense that there's this child in him who is lonely and wants to laugh and#love and grow and connect with other people and always has. and that part of him that he's hidden so long starts to wake up#until it overpowers the coldness and the hatred.#and a christmas carol is not just about fear!!!! fear is a factor but it's not the only thing that drives him to change!!!!!!!#it's love! love for mankind and life is what changes scrooge! he's afraid of dying alone yes. he's afraid of eternal torment yes.#but he wants so badly to love and to have joy and hope when he is reminded of what they really look like#and when he is reminded that he used to be capable of them and STILL IS!!!!!!!!#a christmas carol is so amazing it makes me want to scream and throw things i just really like it a lot.#all of this is my personal opinion etc etc#a Christmas Carol#scrooge isnt just changed by fear bro he's changed by yearning for something better
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BE NOT AFRAID .

angel!edgar by zarla-s .
open to see the full pic


this little doodle here because eh why not
#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#zarla s#doodles#today noticed that i'm actually capable of drawing on paper .#so i did this with a ballpoint pen ! X3#drawing all those eyes was fun hehee#looks wonky and the proportions are a bit weird but but i mean i made this with a pen i cant erase anything#i was like “ hmmm what should i draw ”#and then i noticed that i've never drew any of them in their strangel form .#i just didn't think about it for some reason lol#anyways i think this is pretty neat actually#like a week ago i didn't think i was still capable of drawing traditionally lol#it makes me happy because that means i'm getting used to draw stuff again#pretty much . yeah#the arms should be longer and that's botheting me but meeeeehhhhhhhhhh#okay bye it's 3AM rn i should be sleeping#sunny's art
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So How Powerful Are you? And Can We Fight!
@coke-slenderman
Very. I fight to kill or to feed, not for fun.
#someone else#(( she's capable of forming as many extra arms as she wants#(( and making them as long/big as she wants#(( fighting CAN look a lil goofy because of this lmao#(( she mostly uses her claws#(( and is just generally very physically strong#(( probably higher agility rn cause she got catgirled by an m!anon? ik i havent been making that one very obvious
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My dad seems to think that it’s a problem that slow horses is now the metric by which I judge all other tv shows I watch with him but what he doesn’t know is that I’m right
#look. he tried to get me to watch Mobland. knowing that I hate guy ritchie’s GUTS because he’s just another among a handful of guys in#the film industry who think that a couple of catchy bullshit phrases can hold the whole thing together with no actual plot and no real#character work to go with it and it’s like. dude. how did you think that was going to go#‘it’s no slow horses’ is now a common phrase from me. I’d say it’s sad but it’s objectively true so it will remain in use until I am proven#wrong (has not happened yet)#also it’s like yeah. slow horses has some GREAT one liners. but at least they are both intricately woven into the plot and pull a LOT of#character weight with them. it’s not like throwaway humor#it just makes me so mad like I know the rest of the world is capable of writing this well but none of it goes appreciated
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"An Hour."
• Masterlist •
Warnings: Hospital settings, aftermath of captivity, mentioned death.
Medic, despite what their job would suggest, wasn't a caregiver. They were just a mechanic working on circuits, not who carefully kept the whole mechanism running. They could fix people, but it was that. Someone would have to take over the aftermath.
Much to Medic's relief, Leader was a caregiver. A good one, even.
Too good, they lately noticed. Too good that it was starting to make Medic worried. But just like every other day, Medic knocked the infirmary door in exactly same time, before opening it fully. Youngest was asleep in the hospital bed - Medic had said Leader that it was unnecessary, but Leader brought one anyway - and at last drops of their IV.
"An hour," Leader muttered. At this point it felt like a ritual. So, without a word, Medic moved and changed Youngest's IV to antibiotics as Leader deserted the room silently. Probably to sleep.
Good, Medic thought. Leader needed it.
Medic made their way to the armchair, only to see Leader's office keys on it. For a moment, they considered giving it back. They respected privacy, but they were also curious. For the last one month and a half, all Leader did was looking for Youngest, caring for Youngest or staying in their office. The first two was understandable, but the third...
Now Medic could learn whatever Leader was doing in their office.
Medic hesitated. They shouldn’t invade Leader’s privacy—Leader had done nothing to earn suspicion, at all. And Leader never broke anyone's boundries, so Medic doing it to them was just wrong. But something had been gnawing at the back of Medic’s mind for weeks now, something beyond the usual worry for Youngest. Leader’s behavior, so single-minded, so intense, felt wrong. So wrong for someone almost obsessed with making the future better. And if there was something in that office that could explain it...
Steeling themselves, Medic turned and walked down the hall to Leader’s office. The key slid into the lock with an ease that almost felt too simple. "Where's Leader?" Medic shouted. Leader's room was wide open and Leader wasn't there.
"Went for a quick walk," Right Hand shouted back.
Medic took a deep breath. "Okay," they muttered. With a simple twist, the door creaked open. Medic slipped inside, shutting it quietly behind them slowly. The room was dim, the only light filtering through the half-drawn blinds, casting long shadows across the walls. At first glance, it looked like any other office—neat, organized, professional. Just like how Leader liked to keep everything. Medic opened the lights.
Notes. Dozens of them, pinned to a board on the wall, scattered across the desk, and even taped to the edges of the bookshelves, almost creating a wallpaper. Most were in Leader’s precise handwriting, detailing locations, names, dates, and other pieces of information that, together, painted a picture out of a detective's office. Medic’s gaze was drawn to a map on the wall, marked with pins and red string connecting various points. They moved closer, recognizing the locations as places where incidents had occurred—break-ins, disappearances, attacks. All related to Youngest.
Their heart pounded as they picked up a file from the desk. It had a picture, the person's face partially obscured, but there was no mistaking who it was. Medic had seen that face around Whumper—one of the underlings of them. The person had been found dead two weeks ago, the cause still under investigation. There were detailed reports about them, autopsies, locations, biographies... informations that Medic doubted Leader had the authority to kno let alone storing.
They set the file down, their hands trembling slightly. Leader had been gathering evidence, but it wasn’t just about finding Youngest. It was about something more.
Another photo on the desk caught their eye. Medic took it, revealing more photos, more notes underneath. Some were crossed out, others highlighted. A list of names—people connected to the kidnapping—each one with a note beside it: confirmed dead, under surveillance, possible lead.
Some of these people were no longer a threat because they were dead. Was it coincidence, or had Leader...?
The sound of footsteps in the hallway snapped Medic out of their thoughts. They hurriedly closed the folder and placed thr picture back on the desk, glancing around to make sure everything was as they’d found it. The door clicked shut just as the office door opened.
Leader stepped inside, looking tired but alert. They froze for a moment, eyes narrowing as they stared in the sight of Medic standing in their office.
“What are you doing here?” Leader’s voice was calm, but there was an edge to it, a warning.
Medic tried to keep their expression neutral, forcing a casual shrug qs if they weren’t digging through the room for the last ten minutes. “You left your keys on the chair. Thought I’d drop them off.”
Leader’s gaze flicked to the keys in Medic’s hand, then back to their face. For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, slowly, Leader crossed the room, taking the keys with a nod.
“Thank you,” they said, their tone polite but distant. “Please wait for my return next time.”
Medic nodded, feeling the tension in the air like a physical weight. They turned to leave, but couldn’t help one last glance at the desk, at the folder now lying innocently on the surface.
Leader didn’t miss the look. “Is there something else?”
“No,” Medic replied quickly, shaking their head. “Just... take care of yourself, okay? You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
Leader’s expression relaxed, a smile so soft and tender taking over. “Don't worry. Byt you should get some rest too.”
How could Medic be suspicious of them when all Leader did was worrying and caring for the team? Shoving the guilt down, they forced a smile and left the office.
-•-
Later that day, Medic was in the break room when the news broke. The television mounted on the wall buzzed with static before the anchor’s voice cut in, somber and urgent.
“We interrupt this program with breaking news. Henchman, a key figure in the recent string of criminal activities linked to the late terrorist Whumper, was found dead earlier this evening. Authorities are investigating, but details remain scarce at this time.”
Medic’s blood ran cold. Henchman—another name on Leader’s list. Dead. Just like the others.
They stood frozen, the room spinning around them. The timeline didn’t add up. Leader couldn’t have done it—they had only left the office for ten minutes, not enough time to cross the city and back. But the coincidences were too many, too pointed.
When Medic next saw Leader, they couldn’t help but study their face, searching for anything. But Leader looked even more drained than the last time, still trying to hold it together desperately. When Medic mentioned the news, Leader’s response was calm, almost indifferent.
“Tragic, but not unexpected,” Leader muttered, shrugging slightly. They weren’t even focused— they looked like they could just collapse and take a twenty four hour nap. “Agency was after them. It was only a matter of time.”
Medic nodded slowly, but the uneasy feeling in their gut only grew. There was something, something that was beyond their understanding. But as Leader walked away, Medic knew one thing for certain— Leader was doing something wrong. It was either their sleeping habits or the team had a huge problem.
-•-
Soo, have another random one. This is standalone, but I wrote this with "A Score to Settle" in my mind. Not quite part two, but I began writing with that intention.
#whump#whump writing#hospital setting#aftermath of captivity#mentioned death#proofreaded but mught have typos#spoiler alert for the next tag >#implied murder#love me some overprotective leaders#have a dialogue that didn’t made into the piece:#“Do you think im capable? i failed. i failed to keep youngest safe.#And now im failing to take care of them. Do you truly believe i have the strength to go after the culprits?#yes i want to see all of them burn for what they did but look at me#all i can do is sit next to youngest and hope that i can lift some weight from their shoulders#because i'm not enough to do anything else#ive been never enough and now im paying for my shortcomings#now if youll be so kind i want to suffer alone#because im not even strong enough to stop myself from snapping at someone who did nothing but worry about me.“#and medic gets kicked out like that. just my brain decided to make a calmer leader so this doesnt fit anywhere#might use later in somewhere but just wanted to post#seriously someone stop me from posting at night or i ramble a lot in notes#anyway#im out#thanks for reading
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I think regardless of the situation red would be really stressed out by being given gifts if he's expected to open and react to them in front of others. He has the flat affect of all time and the added stress of knowing people want him to react a certain way just makes it worse.
Many ppl without flat affect already struggle to seem excited enough about things they're given but for someone like red who doesn't really outwardly react to most things it's truly dreadful. He can't stand the entire interaction of being expected to react a certain way knowing people will and often do see him as rude when he doesn't.
The only people he doesn't feel horrifically stressed about this around are like. His mom and green and leaf. Because they are familiar enough with him and know what kind of things he likes and don't make him feel so pressured to behave a certain way.
I think there would be some other ppl who sort of understand and try not to make him feel pressed about these things but red is a bit reclusive by nature so even then he can only feel totally comfortable around a few people. He sees and appreciates the effort unfortunately this is just his cross to bear.
#the johtrio assumedly come to understand red and try to be supportive but i think the first time one of them gave him something#and he had 0 reaction they started panicking a bit like “sorry do you not like it? i can get you smth else ? sorry :(”#and now red is permanervous about it especially since theyre a few years younger than kantrio ik id feel bad#if ppl younger than me who idolized me and wanted to show their appreciation to me ended up dissapointed and sad over my reaction#hell still accept things it just makes him uncomfortable and he awkwardly says/signs Thank You while looking/feeling like this 😐😥#whenever red is super uncomfortable in situations like this he either inwardly wishes green was here to make jt less awkward#or green Is there to help make it less awkward#red is capable of socializing without green or leaf around. it makes him uncomfortable but as an adult he has the Ability#he just lowkey doesnt want to. hes happy with his 2 friends and the handful of younger trainers hes mostly grown used to having around#its 4am if i made any typos or worded smyh wrong...thats for morning ethan yo fjx#pokemon headcanons#trainer red#green oak#blue oak#leaf mentioned
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fleetfinite posting hours, look at my goobers
#my art#shoves my fave rarepair in ur face LOOK!!! LOOK AT THEM#fleetfinite#infinite the jackal#fleetway super sonic#yeah i know super sonic isnt called fleetway shut up i just think its a cool name#sth#nobody touch me IM THINKING ABOUT THEM...#this is just a taste. i need to draw them more fucked up#bc their dynamic is a lot more imbalanced and toxic than u may think#obviously. otherwise why would i like it HAHA#the main thing to note is that fleetway is entirely more capable of killing infinite at any time than infinite is of killing fleets#but he chooses to keep infinite alive and around so he can fuck with him in every way#infinites ruby energy is also extremely intriguing and useful to fleets so he likes to use infinite as like a phone charger#hes more fixated on infinite as a tool than as a person. just like everyone else lol :)#but he does find value in infinite as an individual cuz hes really fun to mess with#fleets LOVES stepping over infs boundaries to piss him off and make him uncomfortable#especially bc he knows inf cant do much about it. its fun to watch him squirm#any time inf stands up for himself or appears to be in control its just bc fleets is allowing it to happen#and they both know it#tee hee :3
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She heard me doing things so she came up to the side of her baby bin and blelelelele'd at me until I noticed her. She greets me every morning where we spend the first hour of every day together, her just resting in my hand and me holding her, often gently petting her head and tiny scales. If there is a heaven, that first hour we spend together is it.
She is getting a larger enclosure for her birthday in a month and a half. :D Hopefully I can get it done in time, as I haven't sculpted a custom enclosure before and will be trying some new artistic critiques. I do have experience sculpting though. My biggest worry is the paints and sealing them properly! Art I can do- but food safe art that will be in a moist bioactive enclosure is new for me.
#From her enclosure camera#hognose#hognose snake#snake#pets#She is getting a bigger enclosure soon it is preordered and we need to wait#She greets me like this every morning#She ate yesterday and should be in a food coma!#You can even see her lump#So I gave her pets and told her I love her#From inside her enclosure the photo of her being held is from yesterday#She really enjoys pets#Especially after a big meal#I need to get a video of her asking for pets#She will pet herself with her chin#And when I stop sometimes she will pet herself with her chin asking for more!#And then I will pet her and she will relax looking like she is in heaven#Those posts saying “snakes cannot enjoy being pet and will only learn to tolerate it” are absolute BS outdated information#from people who are insecure that they are less valid as humans if animals are capable of feeling love and asking for affection#My snake will LITERALLY ASK TO BE PET#And she will pet me too!#I think she saw me petting her#Thought “This feels nice. Is this what we do for each other?”#And when we are snuggling she'll wiggle over to my arm or shoulder and start petting me. She doesn't pet me in any other places.#It is a lot of effort as she has no hands and has to use her chin#moving her whole upper body#So she'll only pet me maybe 20-10 times and take a rest#Does anyone else's snake pet them?#It is unusual but I think maybe she learned it from copying me and it makes her happy ^_^#What a wonderful world we live in where snakes enjoy being pet
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Every time Astarion says “Oh, for a skeleton key” whenever he picks a lock, I keep wanting to say “You’re my skeleton key” (in a flirty/term of endearment way), except it’s not even a good joke! He’s not a skeleton! He’s a vampire! They might both be undead, but they’re totally different!
#why am i like this#i love dad jokes but i can't even make them#although at this point the lowest he's capable of rolling (outside of crits) is 26 so he almost may as well be one…#wait can you still roll a nat 1? is it 1-9 automatically convert to 10 or 2-9#i'm so used to skipping the actual roll i'm not even sure if the die looks any different#baldur's gate#bg3#astarion#ebw.op
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I am somewhat tempted to write a fanfiction, not a romance one though as those things do not interest me so much. I wonder if anybody would read Noelle and Berdly being friends?
Furthermore, if there are any fanfictions already on this topic? I would love recommendations if so!
Whenever I try looking I just end up seeing lots of shipping stuff with all different characters, it's an oddly difficult search for me
#berdly#noelle holiday#deltarune#I use to enjoy romance shipping more#but my medications changed me HAHA#(I do not hate shipping but it's not what I look for when looking for Deltarune fanfictions)#nowadays I struggle to find much interest in romantic shipping. Sorry my krerdly followers#I always hear about how some of my past work made people enjoy krerdly#and while I still enjoy them being friends I don't think I am very capable of making shipping fanart anymore#that being said if I ever do make more fanart of them being friends I do not mind people seeing it as krerdly#I find it quite comedic how my meds are what made me stop shipping things and thus with it#krerdly#go to your local pharmacist to get your meds that stop krerdly shipping today!#(extremely lighthearted and joking)#(I still think that ship is fun and cwl if I had to choose a Deltarune ship as a favourite it would be thay one it's so entertaining)
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Breathing into a paperbag thinking about the possibility of Elbaf digging the conflict from Water 7 back up again and maybe exploring some long-term repercussions of Luffy and Usopp’s fight that not even they themselves were aware of and and and and and-
LISTEN. the Water 7 Saga absolutely rewired the way I understood the crew and how each member views themselves and the roles they play. And it’s been some time since the Strawhat’s exploration of the New World has allowed them to really take time and consider themselves and each other like that again.
And Elbaf just sounds (MUAH) like such a wonderful opportunity to do exactly that, it sounds perfect, primarily in the way it ties all the way back to the Strawhat’s early days on the Grand Line. And when you look at the presence of the Giant Pirates in Little Garden and Enies Lobby, what they share is that both times the Giants Served the purpose mirroring the conflicts between the crewmates and highlighting the importance of loyalty and comradery. Shit writes itself. Come on Elbaf don’t let me down. Come on Usopp I know you can hit us with another world shattering arc just take the stage love.
#remember when Dorry and Brogy’s story served to introduce us to Zoro and Sanji’s rivalry#by showing that even though they fight constantly theyd break if they lost each other and deep down they are still crew#and now we have an unresolved death pact looming over the two of them#Remember when Kashi and Oimo taught Usopp that the cost of loyalty can b great and harrowing but it is beyond rewarding for the right perso#just when he was doubting wether he was truly strong enough to stand at Luffy’s side or at all capable of the bravery needed to be a pirate#and now he’s going to have to look these friends and allies in the eye and be the one to show them all that his decision to remain-#-a Strawhat has brought him#when asked to look at his journey so far and ask himself if he’s truly reached his ideals will he be able to smile wide and say yes?#or will the seeds of doubt and anxiety start planting themselves in his heart again?#hell you know what would be rlly cool for me. If throughout this arc EVERYONE began losing themselves to their own doubts BUT him#Like okay okay thats an exaggeration but do you get what I mean?#Usopp staying calm and collecting and making tough calls and getting back up again all without realizing-#-that he’s truly acting like the Captain he always wanted to be#thatd be so good. god i hope this upcoming arc hits harder than crack#one piece#elbaf#usopp#monkey d. luffy#strawhat pirates
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im in a good mood cause my work enemy is getting her life ruined while all i had to do was keep quiet and do my best 🥱
#basically shes been making management think for years that shes the only capable person there and they pay her sooooo much more than#everyone else#but now because me and two girls from my team have been quietly working hard and having amazing results#management decided to look into that and even trust us in more serious positions#and now management realized were all doing great and are on her level.. all while realizing shed been taking credit for our work all along#and to prove them wrong she decided to take a 2 week vacation thinking everything will fall apart when shes gone#(note: she genuinely thinks shes the best and smartest and master manipulator etc... shes not)#but everything was okay while she was gone ahahahaha#and the realization hit management like a truck#and i just do happen to have insider information on all of this teehee so im not speaking out of my ass#and the worst part is we keep working hard and getting praised#while shes going down with “idk how we ever let ourselves raise one person up that high”#WHILE#the three of us have fullfilling lives outside of work. while she literally has no life and her whole personality and activities in life#are this job#maybe im a little mean but this woman took credit for our work to get ahead. she constanly tries to frame us for her mistakes#she literally sets up situations against protocol so that a fuckup will happen in our shifts and she can point to iy#and has manipulated management into firing people just because they were a lil mean to her privately#my fav thing to do is not pay attention when she tells the whole group how amazingly she did smth (she boasts A LOT) and when she asks me#“omg adora are you even here?” and im like “sorry just focusing on this email rn”. anyway this drives her crazy cause she cant do anything#about it without looking insane#teehee#yapping#i wrote a whole essay but sry im just in a good mood cause i found out she wrote me a fake email about how management is unhappy w my work#only to find out that exact same manager is in fact extremely happy w my work and is unhappy with hers instead AHHAAHHA#i cant shes so pathetic 😭😭😭😭
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I still haven't recovered from Sydney actually oh my god. I went a little um. Crazy. On the snapshots. And I started trying to figure out which pose to do with who and if I should do something special with yooh because she's my ult bias but ultimately I was like well but I love them all. Hearts for everyone. So the first six were in Melbourne and genuinely every single one of them was magical and I don't regret a single bit of that money because I'm first of all so happy I got to thank all of them in person but also I'm going to treasure those pics forever but then Sydney was like. The Big one. You know. AND SHE PRANKED ME.
[I removed the image because I got Scared people who know me could see the image and realise it's me even with the blur lol. She's giving me bunny ears]
So now I have six hearts and yooh doing this which is better than I could have ever imagined 😭 the spike in my heartrate halfway back to the SVIP hitouch line when I opened my photos and realised....
#not roulette#yea i still have the crisis hair dw about it#see this is one of those moments where if i were attracted to women i would be COOKED#i didnt even realise it was possible to love her even more but somehow that concert experience managed to do it#like fuck. i get why some fans go crazy#to be front row and have them looking right at you is an experience i will never forget#but i mean. my most delulu thought ive ever had about her is that i think we could get lavender married and make it work#because i think we are kinda similar in a lot of aspects#e.g. her speech at melbourne hit me really hard because i felt like i would feel the same way in thwt circumstance#but thats kind of one of those delulu thoughts thats not really actionable#and as someone who is capable of romantic love the latter definitely just feels. more unhinged.#its just this crazy intense... nothing emotion#its kind of interesting being asexual with a romantic orientation because like. there are a lot of neural pathways in my brain which#feel like they should fire but just Dont#and how the point at which they dont nonetheless almost completely arbitrarily but reliably differs for men and women#there arent enough words in the english language for these things#its really frustrating#not to drop the asexual manifesto but so many things feel so different to each other and i really truly believe its not just the asexuality#but because sexuality is somewhat of the final boss of intense emotions there is not nearly as much urgency to unpack any of the rest of th#subleties if you can just use that as a yes/no barometer#but i LOVE her#in every way that i am capable#and im just so happy she is still here with us#like im having somewhat of a y/n moment rn but its not really about that im the end because im not usually the kind of fan who would even g#all in on the parasocial benefits but i just really did want to say thank you. partially out of the semi delusional belief i think it would#make a difference rn. i told her i would support her no matter what happens in the future. because its true#and that support has nothing to do with desperately needing to get back into that 1:1 snapshot in future although i would not say no#it was built on a genuine love for what the group has accomplished and all of the things they put out and i dont need anything from any of#them other than promising theyll do their best to keep going in the future#hey did you know in business class they ask what wine you want with your meal and then just keep filling the glass back up again
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