#Calming bed for cats
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Woke up this morning to find Gollum hanging from one of the mosquito screens by her front paw. No idea how long she was there but it was long enough for her to pee, and there was some blood around, so I'm really hoping the vet is open during the current holiday because I'd like her to get checked up
#Matt has a life#Shit from home#Animals#Cats#Gollum the cat#At least she's not panting anymore and she had a full tube of treat to help her calm down + cool down + hydrate#she is now hiding under the bed#which is also good because it means she can walk despite the pain
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#someday#cat#bed#animals#cats#bedroom#quiet#calmness#peaceful#cozy#black cat#gato#animal#gatos#cama#animales#gato negro#dormitorio#tranquilidad#paz#acogedor#habitación#calma#tranquilo#pacífico#nap#siesta#napping
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i had a sudden emotional bout realizing how mortal my beloveds are, he's my baby no matter how often he gets all nibbly
my little baby...
#hazmaticalblue#cats#maxrex the cat#my baby#maxrex tyrannasaurwellingtonimus#he sleeps in my bed almost every night and keeps me company. he loves this one specific box he's in.#my sweet little kitty#he bites if you pet him wrong but he'll calm down as long as you pet him the right way#he likes being picked up in a specific way and any other way makes him upset#i've picked him up the way he liked but he still yells so maybe i'm missing a small detail that my stepmom does for him#he purrs nice and loud#he doesnt understand how much i love him#i dont realize how much i value him until moments like these where he's just. there. by my side#he's my baby#he'll hide his face in your hand sometimes when you pet him
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a thunderstorm is forecast in Kyiv today, and all news channels and digital apps are warning us all day not to be afraid of loud noises outside.
war time is like this. taking care of each others psyche 💗
#anz speaks#meanwhile dog is still under the bed#cat also#but at least not shaking and crying#as they see I’m calm at talking to them softly#😕
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having such a great day today for absolutely no reason, I like it.
#it might still be the aftereffects of the meds I took yesterday lol#I feel so calm and relaxed#everything's just kind of. good :)#nothing special. just. sitting in bed cuddling my cat and watching videos#it's nice! hopefully it stays that way#also my new piercing barely hurts at all and I'm so happy about that 💖#personal
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Cats will get sooo mad when you stop them from chewing on wires and sharp objects
#boy the sun isnt even up yet .#my gf's cat is trying soooo hard to chew up his fairy lights and thumbtacks.#my girlfriend is IN BED. SLEEPING NEXT TO ME#and this cat is getting sooo fed up w me trying to keep him from all the toxins and hazards#i have to go work an opening shift soon CALM DOWWWNNN#saturn is rambling down
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I already know this book is gonna make me cry and I will not be normal about it when I finish
#i am also legit gonna pick up hades again just to get them together it is my life duty now!#i was like oh i read a few pages before bed to calm anxiety next thing i know cat food robot goes off for breakfast...at 5am#what good gay love and yearning does to a mfer
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And when I thought things were finally fine and had calmed down my roommate starts sending me shelters because he wants me to get rid of my cat 🙃🙃🙃
#‘she’s peeing on my stuff 😡’#listen I get that that sucks#but also…. we had a system in place that got her stop#I get putting cat spikes on the couches was mildly annoying but guess what#she wasn’t pissing on them anymore#and tell your bf to stop leaving your bedroom door open if you don’t want her to piss on your bed#like ?????#I know he’s stopped doing these things because the bf finds them mildly inconveniencing#sorry I’m not getting rid of my cat that I’ve had for almost four years and who got rehomed TWICE before I got her#because you have to put in a tiiiiiny bit of effort#‘she pissed on my shoes 😡’#she has literally never peed on shoes before I guarantee you it’s because I left for a weekend and she’s anxious#fucking calm down#you could also just not leave your shoes by the door#he already rehomed our rats because he found them annoying which I feel bad about#I didn’t fight him much on that one because they were more his than mine so if he wanted to make that decision whatever#but hell no I’m not taking my cat to a fucking SHELTER fuck you#‘she drives me insane tho’#okay well your fucking boyfriend drives me insane and you’re not seeing me demand you take him to a fucking shelter so lol#GOD this is not what I wanna deal with when I get home#and it’s just pissing me off cuz I get it’s annoying#but we’d gotten her to stop mostly and now it’s started again because of things 🙃🙃 the fucking bf is doing 🙃🙃#so like this is your own fault and you’re expecting me to get rid of my baby because your bf can’t be assed to slightly alter#how he likes to live which is apparently being allergic to just keeping the bedroom door closed#jfc#kaz rambles
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Igot so high I got scared. First time in my life
#i knew what to tell myself and calmed down eventually. I literally thought my heart was racing a mile per minute. warm as a battery..uh#zooming vision in and out and repeating actions in time loops..but I called my bf and he helped me#i thought it was actually the end for a second but I was lying in bed undee the blankets..calm#he told me mass effect lore and stories of us as cats to make me calm#so i slept it off..and i’m okie now :3
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This stupid fucking book really is my own personal boulder, huh? Everytime I think I've made it up that hill and can truly get rolling, I realise I've fucked up immensely and have to go back again.
I really should put less effort into these first-draft scrawlings, that would make it less painful, but I'm a perfectionist at heart and just. I Do Not Fucking Know how people rid themselves of the drive to make their sentences polished first-try-- To not agonise over every bloody word. I reference back going forward and just... Not having anything there drives me fucking insane.
God, I hate what this stupid thing does to me. It's also my baby. I've been working on some variant of it since 2014 and been writing "proper" since 2017. I need to finish this first draft, fuck's sake, let me have a finished first draft. I'm so anxious right now I can't get the ball rolling and that makes it all worse.
I hate this fucking process. It's this particular work that kills me. I want to make it perfect, as if it isn't a given that your first book will be less-than-good. This has not stopped me from trying. Because I'm pig-headed, if only in this respect.
Also, I wish my mother would stop asking. She does not ask often, but still. Just. Please forget. It's taken a turn you won't like I'm not showing it to you. It hurts but it is what it is. You caused the bloody trauma I had to sublimate. God, augh.
Fuck this piece of shit project. I bet it'll be problematic and suck regardless of what I do. This will not stop me from trying and I will kill myself in the process, goddammit!
#scrawny rambles#scopo tw#rant#may or may not delete later#piece of shit writing project#i have done everything i can to calm down and it isn't working#i'm anxious as shit i want to launch myself into the sun this is fucking awful#please don't fuss over me i'm not in the mood#mutual grumbling is fine#but for the love of god please no bloody fussing#i'm like an angry little cat right now#won't smack won't bite won't scratch but i will be hissy and slide under the bed
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I've only been here for like a few hours, and my clothes are already COVERED in Sugar's fur. Sugar is my cat.
#since were here allow me to tell you all about Sugar#he has anxiety but he seems like hes dealing with it better recently#hes such a little cutie patootie yes he is what a handsome little man#hes got long white fur which he very kindly leaves EVERYWHERE for us#the entire place is practically just Sugar's fur at this point#theres no more furniture its all just cat fur#he likes to sleep on the chairs at the dinner table or the couch or under ny sisters bed#hes very unappreciative of the LITERAL CAT BED we got him#hes more calm than most cats are#hes not active and doesnt really like to play#weve tried hes not interested#he mostly just sleeps eats or gets pets from us all day#thats all he does
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Tfw maintenance comes around (unannounced!!!!) and ruins your last hour of sleep (which you really needed, because you were already gonna be short on sleep!!!!) and they're gonna be back again tomorrow (which Sucks bc vet in the morning that I'm Already nervous about!!!!!!)
It was. To fix some of the water damage from the leaks. Which is. A good thing for them to do. But I just wish. They'd given me. Some God Damn Notice first.
#speculation nation#negative/#llike my heart was pounding my hands trembling and im still feeling shaky#and i wasnt wearing PANTS bc i like to sleep in just a shirt n undies bc comfy#but i also sleep with my bedroom door open so my cats can come and go#so just imagine no pants bedroom door open and 2 grown fucking men in my apartment#so YEAH i fucking hid. i hid in my bed tremblinh away but too fucking terrified to make a noise#im calming down some but theres no fucking Way im gonna be getting back to sleep#for the remaining 45 or so minutes that are available to me :p#this sucks. this fucking sucks. why didnt they tell me beforehand??????????#im genuinely considering filing a complaint to the office about it and i NEVER do that#ill think about it later. for rn im just going to remain a nervous mess curled up in bed until i have to get up again. aha ha ha ha
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HATE that my body takes frustration and overwhelm and turns it into crying like how is this helping anything? Get it together body
#im not even on my period#the cat is being a fucking hellion tonight she clawed my leg to shreds trying to climb up and made me drop the food I was preparing#and i took a step back and got her set up for the night and was like I’m just going to go to bed#i am so tired it’s not helping anything and I am trying to sit here and calm down and my body is just like CRY CRY CRY CRY#i wish someone would hold me and lovingly take care of me like I’m lovingly taking care of this kitten#and i wouldn’t even make them bleed and cry#im not complaining about the kitten I’m just tired and I feel alone and sad
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Anton compilation
#i miss him so much going through old photos on my laptop and like every second photo i took was an anton photo#there were so many little things about him that will never be there again. But I'm so happy i got to see them even the disgusting ones.#he would lay on my feet when i was cutting vegetables. he would flatten his ears as a way of saying hi.#he would do his best impression of a human hello when encountering people on his walks. he loved to eat carrots#and whenever he got one he'd run off to his bed with it and the crunching would be so loud.#he could notice when people were angry or sad and he'd try to comfort me and lick my face when i was crying.#we'd throw sticks for him into wheat fields and he'd lose them in there and prance like a deer only his ears sticking out.#he smelled really awful most of the time. he loved to eat shit and dead animals.#he was really scared of sheep and skylarks and our neighbors cat#he loved swimming and when he first learned how he splashed around so much like a little fountain.#he liked to sleep with his head on my shoes. at night i would hear the tap of his little feet#and then a thump when he'd lay down against my parents bedroom door and then a really loud sigh.#he once got on the table and ate the bolognaise when my mom was picking me up from school but he left a plateful for me#he made genuinely the strangest noises I've ever heard a dog produce.#after i moved out he was always so happy when i came to visit. he loved people#when he was younger there were a few trigger words that made him so excited he'd run up the stairs and howl. one of them was my sisters nam#as he got older he became more of a baby and so cuddly and calm.#i'm really sad that i didn't get to say goodbye to him or be there when he died but i hope he knew how much i love him
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love when me trying to keep boundaries and communicate myself in a way that minimizes the effects of BPD means I'm delusional and unsafe to be around. but no there's no stigma around bpd
#“hey can you not yell in my face can we text abt it instead it would make me feel safer and help me articulate myself”#statements from an utterly deranged individual#bpd#vent#everybody wants a bpd girl until she has bpd#like fuck man you wouldnt react this way if i said “oh its overstimulating me i need comfortable sensations to self soothe” youd be fine#but the moment its “im splitting so i wanna isolate so i can carefully choose and dwell on my words so i dont say something i dont mean”#CRAZY. PSYCHOTIC. DANGEROUS. UNSAFE TO BE AROUND. EVERYBODY BLOCK HER#hell i am autistic like!!! local girl has her feelings hurt#wants to lay in bed with her cat and cry a bit to calm down
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