#CW: abuse mention

[thevelvetgoldmine]

TO WONG FOO, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING! JULIE NEWMAR (1995) dir. Beeban Kidron

[summerlinenss]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh boy. the essay i could write relating ed’s thought process here to the complex trauma response of grief and guilt that comes with the death of an abusive loved one/family member.

[ananke-xiii]

no feelings just will graham saying "no no no i'm not abused" while hannibal tells him that he's dissociating as a survival mechanism for a psyche that has endured repeated abuse.

[onestepbackwards]

Love That Bites Pt. 15

It's here!!! Finally, I am able to finish it! This chapter is a lil messy, I'll admit, and ended up twice as long as intended, but I'm hoping it'll be a good set up for the next chapter, which will feature a lot more Dracula :3 I am posting this a bit sleep deprived, so I apologize if it has several mistakes ;w;

Thank you for waiting, and I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Turns out going home had consequences worse than you had anticipated. With time ticking by, and tensions beginning to boil with your step family, you decide to make several impulsive decisions in hopes of working on your deal with Dracula, or at least having something to show for it. Of course, nothing can go right, especially with Death tailing you, now can it?

CW: Physical and verbal abuse mentioned (You are mostly fine, no worries), extreme anxiety and second thoughts, slight face injury (just a bruise), impulsive shopping, mental rambling and overthinking, Death makes an appearance

Word Count: 6575 words!

Tag List: @just-some-water-lillies @blackmeetsworld @khaleesihavilliard @sisterofsin29 @str4wban3l @nikkilovemark @ms-bakugo-blog @kittenlover614 @simpytheshrimpy69 @midgetdemon17 @just-nother-dreamer @adrakeshoard @tilldeathripsusapart @thedeadlynights @pumpkinvampie @bethleeham @mshope16 @sixsixtwenty @haleypearce @rvautomatic @tinystarfishgalaxy @marshmelloe @maorizon @ursamajor17 @sapphicsfordracula @dame-sunflowers @sleepyendymion @starrlo0ver @onewiththebeanbag

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Looking in the mirror shouldn’t have been as harrowing as it felt at the moment.

If you were being honest with yourself, you could care less about appearances. You liked looking nice and all, but you didn’t always have the luxury of looking nice on a hunt when it involved… monster remains ending up splattered all over you.

That… and as you were growing older, you looked a lot more like your mother.

Not just in looks, but…

You hated how your eyes looked so sunken in. How there was an unnatural paleness to you. Like you were ill.

It certainly made you feel sick. You hated being reminded how your mother looked that last year before she passed.

Of course, it didn’t help that you had a massive bruise on your left cheek. Or how you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in… what, weeks? More so than normal anyway.

That, and you genuinely haven’t felt well since you came back home around 3 weeks ago.

“Ugh….” You groaned out, leaning closer to the mirror as your head throbbed.

At least you weren’t beaten bloody and bruised like you had been before… everything.

It had nearly been a month since you returned. As much as you would have liked to believe things would have gotten better after coming back home, that was nothing more than a pipe dream.

“Just who do you think you are, huh? Who the hell lets you stay here? Do you think it’s funny to pull that kinda shit? Huh?”

Jason hadn’t been happy at your return. Though you had a feeling he was more mad about you staying away and still being alive.

“Fucking look at me when I’m talking to you, you dense fuck. I let you stay here out of the goodness of my heart, and you not only attack us, but pull a disappearing act?”

Eyes narrowing at yourself in the mirror, your reflection scowled with you as you remembered parts of Jason’s explosive reaction to you coming home that day.

Your step brothers and step father had been doing something involving recon for a mission of some sort. So they said, anyway. Not that they gave you much of an explanation anytime they left anywhere, unless it was somewhere fun.

Then they were more than happy to brag about going somewhere, and you weren’t invited.

Regardless, you didn’t hear much about where they were, but you got to hear all about how bad of a person you were for leaving like that. For having the gall to defend yourself.

The reflection of you in the mirror scowled even further, before wincing when you felt a twinge of pain from the bruise on your face.

Annoyance flickered on your features.

After you came home and were discovered by your family, the ‘scolding’ had certainly been one of the worst, but you would argue that wasn’t the worst part of coming back.

”I’ll have you know I could kick you out at any time. You are nothing but a freak. A parasite. At least your mother was worth something compared to you. All you do is sit around and do nothing, wasting our time and resources!”

Jason and your brothers had never been physically violent before. At least, not outside ‘training’, anyway.

Sure, there was the occasional shove, and a shoulder check here and there. Maybe a loose foot finding its way in front of your own…

Jason was practically in your face as he yelled, your back pressed against the wall as he practically cornered you.

“All you do is sit on your ass and run off to god knows where after throwing a fit. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t toss your shit into the streets right now!?”

Just as you opened your mouth to speak, he interrupted you.

“Shut up!”

Your eyes widened as a fist came at you-

…Only for your body to tense with one of your hands in front of your face as his fist landed a few inches from your head, now in a huge hole in the wall next to where you stood. No doubt you would be fixing that later.

Jason’s face was right next to yours, his eyes dark with a hatred that had your body tense, and your hair stand on end.

“Get out of my sight.”

Ever since that first night back, Jason had gotten scarily close to genuinely hurting you. He, and his oldest son, Mark, had grown increasingly aggressive.

It frightened you. Never had they seemed so irritated.

That was saying a lot, if you were being honest with yourself.

Sure, you feared what they could do to you, to your home. It was a small fear, one you kept a tight lock on. You hadn’t really felt scared of them. Not before they tried to lethally injure you.

Now you felt like a cornered animal half the time, just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It felt like it was only a matter of time before things escalated. If something happened to you… You didn’t like to think what would happen afterwards.

The look in their eyes… You couldn’t help but compare it to a monster who was out for blood. A pure hate that made you feel ill just looking at them.

And with their aggression growing… it was looking more and more likely you faced something terrible happening with each passing day.

Not even a week had passed after Jason’s episode before you were shoved down the stairs. You thankfully had caught yourself, but instead of an empty hall at the top of the stairs like you expected, Mark stood watching.

His eyes were just as cold as his father’s. That same, piercing hate deep in his eyes.

“No one wants you here.” Was all he said, before he turned around and left, leaving you awkwardly hanging onto one of the rails.

Since then, Jason and Mark had made a point to let their displeasure known. You were either tossed around, or forced to do extra dirty work around the house. Jason made a point to tell you that he expected ‘more’ from you from now on.

Ignoring the fact you already did most of the house work anyway. Fucker.

Now they both made messes on purpose. Well, more ‘on purpose’ than before.

Kitchen? A wreck almost every night.

Living room? You were now picking up their disgusting clothes and messes.

Entry way? You were cleaning mud that was tracked in every other day. It wasn’t even muddy out front, so you knew they were doing this on purpose elsewhere to piss you off.

At least Seth kept his distance. He wasn’t pleasant, but he at least seemed to dislike outright trying to hurt you more than a shoulder check. If anything, he just told you to clean something or go shopping at inconvenient times.

Maybe toss something on the floor for you to clean up, but even he seemed to find that more bothersome than it was worth.

It still wasn’t great, but it only added to your ever growing stress.

“Things could be worse… I guess.” You mumbled, exhaustion clear on your features as your frown fell back to your neutral look.

You could have Dracula trying to kill you, along with everything else. No doubt that would have possibly either broke you, or had made everything worse. Your face scrunched up at the thought.

Though you winced once again, the bruise near your eye throbbing at the movement.

Jason and the others may not have outright been hitting you with their fists since you got back, but…

Letting out a gasp of surprise at the sudden sharp pain, you felt your body slam into the wall next to you as your body swung back in surprise.

“Oh sorry, did that hurt?” Mark mocked, throwing the bag he had ‘accidentally’ hit you with over his shoulder.

Motherfucker had waited around a corner just to swing a bag of junk at your head. You were lucky it didn’t directly hit your eyes, but…

You could feel your anger bubbling in your chest, and you sighed. At least you still had your sight, even if you worried the cheekbone had been damaged.

Whatever.

Turning the faucet on, you splashed some water on your face, waking you up a little bit as you trekked back to your room

Truth be told, it wasn’t just your step family causing you issues.

You had been spending what free time and energy you had on working on your deal with Dracula.

Something that still was weird to think about.

Entering your room and closing the door behind you with a soft ‘click’, you went over to your desk and sat down. Reaching down to the floor, you pulled out a specific notebook you had hidden under a bunch of random clothes and junk, and opened it.

Inside the notebook was what would be a bunch of gibberish, but was simply a cypher.

You didn’t dare write anything about Dracula somewhere where your step family could find it and read it. A phone was hackable, and just leaving a notebook around without precautions was begging for fate to mess with you and make things worse.

Flipping through the pages, you found your simple ‘To-Do List’.

It was messy, but when you came back home a near wreck, it was as good a place as any to start.

There were several different things written down, such as buying him a modern cell phone. Or building him a computer. Or even showing him some modern libraries.

You hoped he would at least be impressed by the internet, and the many archives it included. Though you were a bit nervous about the internet as well, not really wanting him to see how depraved humanity could be, where it was right out in the open.

Then again… the internet had a front row view on the good things humanity has done too. That, and it’s not like Dracula was unaware of how awful people could be, human or otherwise.

Perhaps you would only show him the internet archive or something. And how to pirate movies and books.

Movies and television were a whole different ball game as well on what to show him. You wondered if he’d like The Addams Family, or The Godfather. Or Psych, or Columbo or something.

Shaking your head, you wrote down a few suggestions to show him later. After you managed to figure out if you could even get internet working at his castle, of course.

You’d have to make a few calls to some people who knew how to keep their mouths shut, no doubt.

Even then, he may not even want it. That was something you had to consider.

“Though, perhaps…” you mumbled out loud as a thought entered your mind.

Perhaps you could just show him all that stuff at your cabin? Test the waters?

A part of you nearly snarled at the idea of anyone finding your humble sanctuary, let alone being allowed in it that wasn’t your late mother.

But you had way more at stake here. You had a deal to hold your end up on. Surely, your little abode was worth the entirety of humanity?

…You would consider it.

Then there was the fact you would probably have to get a phone or internet plan for Dracula.

Good god you had a lot on your plate.

That isn’t even mentioning the calls you had been attempting to make for blood banks for supernatural entities. With how busy they tended to be though, you ended up on hold nearly every attempt you made. No doubt you would have to send some emails and make an in person visit.

Great.

Staring at the list for another few moments, you sighed, putting the book down and putting your head in your hands.

“Fuck, how am I going to do this?”

The hope of the world was quite literally on your shoulders, all depending on your actions going forward. Yet, you had little to nothing to go forward with.

Not like you could just order a phone or computer parts. Even if it was illegal, your mail and packages ended up getting opened more often than not before you had a chance to even see them.

Jason would always smugly remark it was for ‘the family’s safety’, in case someone was trying to ‘get rid of the family.’

That was a load of shit, of course.

You knew it, Jason knew it, Mark and Seth knew it.

But there was nothing you could do. Even if you had a legal case of them fucking with your mail, if you made a fuss, you simply would get kicked out and lose your family home.

At least they stopped messing with your packages half of the time when you bought adult toys to embarrass them out of spite.

That was the first time they ever left you alone for a month. Definitely some of the most peaceful weeks of your life.

Anyway-

Rubbing your face, you gave your cheeks a small slap to wake yourself up, and sat back up in your chair.

Picking the book back up, you looked over it all once again, before adjusting some of your notes.

You would have to go buy a lot of this stuff in person yourself, and hide it in your car. Buying a new phone and computer parts would only make your step family incredibly suspicious.

Or annoying.

In fact, if you did manage to spin a perfect lie to get them off your back, you wouldn’t be surprised if your parts either went ‘missing’, or ended up ‘accidentally’ damaged.

Or someone in the family suspiciously gets a new PC while the parts you bought are missing.

Even though you had money in your own bank account, it wasn’t like you were rich. You had expected a lot of your family’s money to go to you before… well…

Not that it mattered.

You still had a means of making money from odd jobs and the hunts you were allowed to do before your step family called dibs, or when they didn’t want to do the icky jobs.

It just… wasn’t as much as you would like. But hey, you didn’t have the luxury of lamenting your expenses now. Lives were potentially at stake if you didn’t do this.

“So much for buying some new clothes… guess I’ll have to patch up some of my torn ones with some older clothe if I can…”

Oh well.

Another thing that was an issue was time.

You had more or less been on lockdown since coming back. Sure, you had a job or two for some minor stuff, but then you were stuck right back here.

With Jason and Mark, and Seth to a degree, being a lot more aggressive… You’ve hardly had a chance to even leave the house for something as small as grocery shopping without Jason getting on your ass about it.

He must have been serious when he got angry at you for disappearing. You still didn’t understand why, given how they talk about wanting you gone so much. Maybe they just hated the fact you would eventually come back.

Bah.

Scratching your head, you let out another sigh.

You were running out of time.

Dracula may have been patient so far, at least you hoped. However, that didn’t mean he would wait forever, especially when you mentioned a month as the time it may take to return.

Around a week remained, and the clock was ticking. Time was not on your side.

Neither was anything else, but if anything, you knew how to adapt under pressure.

“Okay… Everyone is out today. I can at least get a phone. Maybe even a few parts for a computer…”

There were a few places in town for parts. You had at least done research on places where you could buy these things earlier this month in a manic episode.

After that, you had to figure out a time to leave again for a few days. No doubt you’d get shit for it, but hey, at least you weren’t actively bleeding this time.

“I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.” You mumbled to yourself, running a hand over your eyes with a groan. Even if you felt like you were a bag full of anxiety, you could at least try to hype yourself up.

With a deep breath, you closed the journal, and hid it once more.

Steeling your resolve, you stood up and grabbed your car keys, before heading out your bedroom door.

Leaving your home wasn’t hard, but it still sent some anxiety spiking through your heart as you locked the door behind you. Nor was driving down to town any less harrowing.

However, driving up to the giant building of a tech store at least put you at ease. As much as you hated crowds, it was somewhat relieving here.

If you by some rare chance saw your family or someone you knew, you’d at least have a crowd. You were less likely to be treated poorly in front of people who your family tried so dearly to put a mask on for.

Of course, you still were on edge. It was hard not to be in general outside of your cabin or family home. Your whip felt heavy under your jacket as you parked and walked through the building, both a reassurance, and a weight that had your hands twitching.

Crowds may be good in some ways, but for monsters, both man and supernatural, it was an opportunity.

You just hope no one would seek such an opportunity today.

Pushing through the turbulent emotions stirring inside you, you quickly made your way to the center of the store.

It wasn’t hard to buy a phone, though you did have a few things to consider.

Size, model, and brand.

The decision wasn’t difficult in the long run, but the image of Dracula with glasses and a teeny phone in his massive hands made a smile form on your face.

With the new phone in a bag to take home for later, you continued shopping. At least getting a phone was the easy part. You could buy a temporary cheap plan and number for it in store at checkout.

Somehow Dracula’s castle had cell service, if you remembered correctly. If the phone plan didn’t work out, you could at least show him some things, right?

It was enough to tide you over until you could make some calls about giving Dracula of all people an actual decent phone plan without all the strings of an identity in modern society. That was something that actually wouldn’t be too difficult. You hoped.

Regardless, it was computer parts that had you dreading being here.

There were different parts and different brands to consider, and in the end, Dracula might not even care about it.

You at least hoped he would like the parts to look at if he was uninterested in having a computer. At the end of the day, you could just use your laptop to show him things if need be.

At the very least, you knew Dracula liked to make things, if your family’s old journals were anything to go by. You liked to think he’d like to tinker with the parts for his own gain.

“What a headache… Could be wasting time and money for nothing…”

Maybe you should only grab a few things? And then if he isn’t interested, you could just give the parts to him to study?

You shook your head to yourself as you entered an aisle with a few of the parts you needed behind a wall of glass, and eyed your options.

Perhaps you should start with a cpu? Or perhaps some memory? Or rather-

“You sure like to take your time, Belmont.”

In an instant, the temperature of the building dropped severely, and you felt your hair stand on end.

Faster than a human could blink, you had your whip in your hand, and faced your adversary-

Only to freeze when you saw Death hovering next to you, uncomfortably close.

You blinked, and hesitantly lowered your whip.

“Um… hi?”

The skeletal cloaked figure tilted its head, its boney fingers thrumming on the handle of its scythe. All the while, your head was swimming as you tried not to panic.

Dracula may have been your family’s primary enemy, but Death, the entity, was never far behind.

“Hmm… You are certainly different from most of your kin before you.”

You decided to take that as a compliment.

Forcing your anxiety back down your throat, you managed to speak once more.

“Um… No offense, but why are you here? Is everything alright?” You asked hesitantly, yet tried to remain polite. Hold back any fear and aggression. You could do this.

Death was severely hated in your family, if a few journals were anything to go by. It wouldn’t hurt to remain courteous. At least you hoped.

You no longer were in Dracula’s castle, after all. Who’s to say Death might try and find a loophole and kill you here outside your family home and his master’s abode? Be done with this stupid peace treaty of sorts you had convinced the Lord of Darkness to try out?

Even then, you imagine he could probably get away with it, being Dracula’s second in command. In Death’s eyes, in the end, would it really be so bad if the Belmont dies? Get you out of the way?

It was Death after all. Even if the entity was punished, what was Dracula gonna do? Kill him?

You tried not to let those thoughts fester as the cold, blue fires in Death’s eye sockets bore into you.

It took a lot not to shudder in fear.

Death though, seemed not to notice, or care if you felt intimidated or not.

“I am here to see if you intend to return to my master, or if you are simply hiding away like a dog with its tail between its legs.”

That last bit alone caused you to scowl, and you had to stomp down the irritation that threatened to bubble in your gut.

“First of all, rude. Second of all, yes, I do intend to return. That's why I am out today, actually.”

You gestured with a nod of your head to the locked display that was in front of you, and Death’s ghostly eyes followed.

“I figured as a gift of good will, I could get some modern stuff for him here. I know you probably have a distaste for humans, but I can promise you and Dracula himself that the technological advancements made by them in today’s modern age may come across as intriguing.”

Wincing a bit at how that sounded, you rubbed your neck and ignored the twinge of pain.

“Not to sound vain about it, of course. Humanity has really flourished the past century or so with all sorts of advancements. Not just technology. I figured your Master would be interested, at least in a few areas to see if humanity’s advancements have reached his own.”

Death let out what you assumed was a hum, and just as you were about to turn and ask what the deity thought, a voice nearly had you jumping out of your boots.

“Hi there, can I help you?”

Spinning around, you nearly relaxed when you saw it was someone who worked here, though you quickly stammered.

“O-Oh, I uh-”

You spun around, panic running through your veins. You did not need regular people freaking out over Death itself being in a tech store-

Only to find no one there. Death was gone.

The room seemed to warm up again, almost to the point it was uncomfortably hot. Had Death’s presence really sapped that much heat from you and everything around you?

Swallowing your nerves, you spun back around to speak to the person who asked if you needed help. It wasn’t hard to put a mask back in place on your face, though you swore your heart never stopped hammering in your chest as you pointed out a few items you were considering.

That, and you tried to ignore how the employee eyed you, almost concerned.

Right. Bruise on your face. Skittish reactions. Great.

At least they seemed happy to unlock the glass display for you, asking you something about if you were building a computer. You could only mumble a response with a shaky smile, throwing out some explanation or another.

In truth, you could barely think as they brought the few items you had pointed to towards a register. How could you act at ease, knowing Death could quite literally be around any corner, watching you?

Could you even go home? It’s not like it would be hard to find your place of residence in this day and age, but you wondered if Death knew how to do so by regular means.

Which made the idea of going home and being followed… nerve wracking.

Sure, your place was warded to hell and back with ancient spells and hunting artifacts so no evil could step foot on your property, but…

That didn’t mean you were safe the moment you took a step outside, and you didn’t exactly like the idea of being shot at by a gun or a bow or something while taking out the trash, thank you very much.

Even then… were you comfortable with Dracula even knowing your home address in general?

You were in a fog of your own thoughts as you paid for the equipment you bought, only briefly being brought out of it when you noticed the price after everything was scanned.

No doubt you’d be feeling the loss of money in your bank account later. Ouch.

Thankfully, it was also easy to get a quick plan for the phone you bought as well, along with a phone number. Nothing fancy or long lasting, of course. No need to if Dracula was uninterested, or if was genuinely interested to the point of needing a decent one.

As the nice employee set it up, a part of you hoped this would help you and Dracula have a means of communication.

After all, you doubted the post office would deliver a letter to a giant castle in the middle of fuck all nowhere.

When they handed you the phone and receipt, you gave the employee a tired smile, before gathering your things and walking out the door.

The whole way to your car, you were looking back behind you, still wary of being watched. You hated this.

It was one thing to be followed by some asshole or a monster with a bone to pick, but Death itself?

Hopefully you wouldn’t be laughed at if you puked from how nervous you were.

After setting your stuff in your car and climbing in behind the wheel, you sat there for a moment as your engine roared to life.

It seems despite your warning that you’d need a month, it seems at three weeks you didn’t have any time left to spare if Death was making in person inquiries.

Gripping the steering wheel, you glanced up at the rearview mirror, and your neck cracked from how fast you turned to look back at it after looking away.

In it was Death, floating ominously, near empty eye sockets looking at you from behind your vehicle.

You turned around quickly, and no one was there.

Eyes narrowing, you looked back, and nothing was in your back seat. Nothing behind your car. Nothing in the area besides you.

“Oh, very funny. Didn’t you ever learn not to scare a hunter? Especially one who can actually cause harm? Not everyone’s fight or flight is flight you know.” You snarked out under your breath.

A part of you wondered if Death found this hilarious or not, scaring you. Did the being not have a care about scaring someone who could actually kill them?

Then again… if you were ‘alive’ for thousands of years, you wondered if you too would stop giving a shit and started doing dumb stuff like that for fun.

That, or Death was purposely trying to push your buttons so he could have an excuse to tattle to Dracula you ‘attacked first’. You hoped that wasn’t the case.

Shaking your head, you looked around your car one last time, hoping you weren’t going crazy, before focusing on heading home.

You’d give Death some credit, at least.

Scaring you like that helped jump start something in your brain where you no longer felt frozen in place. Even if Death damn near gave you a heart attack in the process.

The drive home was uneventful, but you felt as if your heart rate never truly rested after your mini adventure out shopping.

How could it? How on earth do you handle such circumstances? It was like trying to swallow claws as your anxiety tried climbing its way up your throat.

“You know, I can’t help but feel my life would be a lot simpler if I was born in a different family…” you mumbled, face scrunching up.

Maybe you’d be bumbling around in college by now, meeting some guy or girl who caught your fancy. Worrying about exams and dates, not whether or not offending one man could kill you and the entirety of the human race.

Whatever. No point mourning something you never had, right?

Your thoughts were a messy buzz as you pulled up onto your property, though it probably could be seen as humorous how quickly those thoughts came to a stop.

Slumping into your seat, you felt a new kind of anxiety and irritation bubble up in your chest.

“Oh, you are fucking kidding me.” You groaned out, spotting familiar vehicles in the driveway up to your house.

Why were they back so soon? Why?

At this point, your luck was a sick joke, you think. That, or just your life in general.

It looked as if everyone was back home, earlier than they should be, you might add.

Internally, you debated your options.

One, you could go in and get yelled at for disappearing without ‘a good reason’, eventually having to give some excuse as to why you were gone.

Or two…

Your pulse picked up as you thought about it. You weren’t exactly planning on leaving for Dracula’s castle today… But…

Strumming your fingers against your steering wheel, you bit your lip as you weighed the pros and cons.

On one hand, going today might get Death off your back. Though you hoped that at least seeing you shopping might have helped.

On the other hand…

You’d have to meet Dracula again, for the first time after being so injured… And no doubt you’d later have to deal with Jason and the others getting pissed at you again.

Then again… that was just normal at this point, just extra aggression. Maybe you should get out for a bit?

After all… You hated to admit how you were growing concerned with how more… open they were getting with their ‘grievances’. How long would it be before you were one wrong fall down the stairs, or turning a corner too quick?

Your face throbbed at the memory. The bruise on your face was just from a bag of junk. How long until it was a convenient bag of bricks being tossed instead?

Plus… You needed a break, you just worried about the repercussions. But…

You were tired. So so so tired.

There was an exhaustion that was deep in your bones.

Your head constantly ached, even more so after the bruise. You were always exhausted like you were on hunts often, no doubt from your lack of sleep.

And you constantly felt off while here, which you chalked up to always being on edge.

No doubt having to watch your back like prey in your own home for weeks on end was taking its toll with how you were constantly bouncing between feeling exhaustion and feeling sick.

You may be a Belmont, but the human body could only take so much stress before it began shutting down. Even you had your limits.

“Am I actually considering this…?” you mumbled, your brain in a fog as you tried to come to a decision.

It wasn’t like you didn’t have anything at the cabin, either… You had a few clothes there, and some non-perishable food….

With a groan, you put your head in your hands, and ran them down your face. You winced as your face ached at the action.

It was then like a switch was flipped, feeling the bruise again. You didn’t feel like dealing with this shit, and possibly having another incident while already injured.

At least… Dracula wouldn’t attack you. Hopefully. You could heal. Maybe.

Not that you expected him to take care of you while you were there. You could do that yourself.

…It just would be nice to be in a place where you could.

Hah… How many times was it going to be a shock for you each time Dracula, your family’s enemy, was the safer option?

With a sigh, you cracked your neck, and steeled yourself.

Looks like it was time to pay Dracula another visit.

—

The drive wasn’t as long as you expected.

Perhaps it was the good music that happened to be playing, or maybe it was your nerves. Who’s to say.

Pulling into the small dirt road leading up to your small cabin though had you rightfully nervous.

Was it safe? Did any monsters wander from Dracula’s castle and ransack your home?

Eyes naturally narrowing in suspicion as your vehicle came to a stop, you couldn’t help but start to think about it.

Technically speaking… You never said Dracula or his minions couldn’t destroy shit. Just to leave humans alone, for the most part. At least, what your working ‘treaty’ was. Perhaps you should discuss and iron out the details while you were here…

Should you have made a contract? Did supernatural beings such as Dracula even have to honor those?

Not like you could hire a lawyer to draft a contract for Dracula anyways… Not enough ones in the supernatural communities, let alone one that would involve themselves with Dracula without fearing for their lives.

No doubt there would be a few conflicts of interest, and you couldn’t just hire a human one anyway…

Blinking, you shook your head, before doing a quick glance over your property.

“C’mon… Don’t get distracted now.” You mumbled, climbing out of your car.

You did a quick look over the immediate property around the cabin, checking to see if anything had changed.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Even the inside of your small sanctuary had remained seemingly untouched.

Was it a miracle, or had Dracula purposely mentioned not to have this place harmed?

Or maybe he didn’t say anything at all? Did he even know this place existed, besides what you had mentioned? Did he keep his mouth shut to avoid anyone going looking to begin with?

After all, you had mentioned having property nearby, right? You couldn’t exactly remember…

Question after question filtered through your mind, and you groaned. You’d get nowhere if you just sat here and made guesses.

The only way to get answers and move forward, would be to actually visit the vampire.

So why did you want to put it off now?

Your nerves were like electricity in your gut, and you could only wring your hands together as you stood stuck in the small living room. It was almost like you were paralyzed, unable to do anything besides take a few steps here or there while your brain went haywire.

It wasn’t like you could go back. Jason would give you too much shit for it, and Mark and Seth would follow his lead.

Jason was a ticking time bomb at this point, you feared. You could defend yourself and all, but at what point was it too much?

With a groan, you ran a hand through your hair.

“God… I feel like a deer in headlights…”

Taking a breath, you tried to calm yourself down. Why was this so hard? Just go to the castle, and talk with him, and offer some of the stuff you had. At least you could offer the phone and bring the computer stuff later…

After a few more moments of heavy debate inside your mind, you came to a decision, before swiftly turning around and heading to the bedroom.

You’d… visit Dracula tomorrow.

Was it an excuse to wait? Yes.

However, you figured you’d be in a much better mindset after getting some rest after being away from your family home. You just hoped Dracula wouldn’t mind waiting one more day, even if you technically hadn’t even hit the deadline you set yet…

You could rest, eat, shower, and mentally prepare yourself the next day. Maybe you would look less pathetic for Dracula at least, compared to last time, and how you currently felt.

Although, you’d admit, you were a bit uneasy sleeping so close to the castle.

It was silly, really. You literally had slept inside said castle. By all means, you were in the snake pit while critically injured. Yet…

You felt safer there than here. Something you never thought you would ever think about your little sanctuary.

Here, you didn’t have Dracula’s direct protection.

Just how easy would it be for something to attack you if a monster sensed you? All it took was one disgruntled monster to figure out you were here…

By all means, it could even be spun that it wasn’t even one of Dracula’s minions, since it would be outside his castle. It was a grey area if the monsters outside the castle walls were under his direct control, you felt.

It wasn’t even your own safety you were mostly worried about.

Was it selfish or odd to be more worried about the cabin and the land? It was one of the last things you had of your mom untainted…

Well, if anything else, you’d destroy anything that tried to destroy this place.

That was your thought as you climbed in bed that night, trying to ease your nerves for tomorrow.

…Which is why when several flashes of lightning and thunder happened one right after the other, you nearly fell out of your bed.

Rain began to pelt your window hard, and the wind picked up a bit. You could even hear the trees shake outside from the weather as some branches brushed against your cabin’s roof.

“Was that from…?”

Dracula’s castle wasn’t far, not at all. A small walk away around a lake. It sounded as if everything was coming from the direction of his castle.

After a moment of listening to some more rolling thunder, you decided to close your curtains, and try to relax to the sound of the storm. If what you suspected was true, and Dracula was annoyed or upset… you didn’t exactly want to intrude and possibly worsen his mood.

As you warily drifted off to sleep, you couldn’t help but wonder just what had made Dracula so upset.

[that-ineffable-devil]

Long post incoming, but I've been on and off it for days so you're gonna see it.

On Charles and Love

I think there's a lot more to Charles' reaction to Edwin's confession than what we may first assume.

Charles loves harder than anyone, but I don't think he even knows what it means or feels like to be IN love--or to be loved back. This isn't a dig at Edwin, so don't @ me. This has to do with Charles' past.

When Edwin first confesses on the steps of Hell, Charles doesn't even hesitate with his response: "Great, love you too, can we go now?" He does love Edwin, one way or another. He hasn't needed to examine that love any further. He doesn't think Edwin could mean it that way, because Edwin probably has never given any indication of feeling that for anyone. Perhaps he didn't think Edwin capable of love in that way. Perhaps it's his own repressed sexuality. Perhaps it's the feeling that he is inherently unlovable. Perhaps it's a combination of things.

On Edwin's and Charles' Repression

Look, Edwin is clearly autistic and heavily emotionally repressed--he's British, from 1916, and male. That's the perfect storm of emotional repression. But he clearly feels and feels deeply--he just doesn't always let on about it. (Which is such a nice thing to see for autistic representation, the "unfeeling alien" trope ain't it.)

And even though they've been together for 30 years, they clearly do not talk about deep emotions much, because it makes Edwin uncomfortable and Charles probably wouldn't manage to get much out before cracking a joke instead--it's his defense mechanism.

As for his own repression, Charles grew up in the 80s as a biracial kid with an abusive father. He was also at least questionably queer while alive: he was part of an alt crowd, wore eyeliner, and wore a single dangly earring. Now that doesn't mean for certain he's queer or questioning, but it IS a pretty common code in media and storytelling. And I imagine no small part of his father's excuses for abusing Charles had to do with "beating the queer out of him." Of COURSE that led to repression--how could it not?

On Feeling Unlovable

And the feeling that he's inherently unlovable? Does he really feel that way? I think so.

He wants it. He wants to be loved so badly. And because of that, he tries so hard. He tries to stay light and happy and kind, even when he's suffering underneath--he has his own flavor of emotional repression. Because if he can't be loved, he can at least be liked.

And he doesn't just want people to like him, he needs them to like him, because he needs to know he's likable. Because there's safety in being likable. There's safety in being funny and friendly and "a good sort of chap." It's proof he's not the monster his father was--the monsters his friends were. It's his shield. The shield he uses to protect himself from the world, yes, but also to protect the world from him. Or at least, who he thinks he is, deep down.

It's also, in his mind, his only chance at being loved. His only chance at staying loved. Because love is earned. Because love is the reward for good behavior. At least, that's how it was as a kid, right? And that's all he knows. He died before he could experience any other kind of love--besides the love between himself and Edwin, which is its own complicated matter.

The other difficult aspect of growing up in a household where love and affection were weaponized and where violence is an acceptable reaction to anger, is how it radically alters your perception of love and family.

You crave the love and validation you never received, but you also fear it and don't believe it's real when it comes without strings.

You struggle to identify love in healthy relationships because if it doesn't hurt, then is it really love?

And even though you crave it more than anything, you're afraid of it. You're afraid for things to get real, because real love--or your understanding of it--is dangerous.

Because love is a weapon and you can't bear for anyone to use it against you again.

Hurt People Hurt People...Sometimes

Trauma manifests differently in each person. There are some commonalities, but it's never exactly the same. I know the saying is "hurt people hurt people" and that's not entirely wrong. But sometimes, hurt people heal people--or at least try to. Charles is in the second group.

Charles never, ever wants anyone to feel the kind of love he knew while he was alive. So he paradoxically loves openly while remaining guarded. His loyalty and devotion are unmatched. He went to Hell for Edwin. But he also never told Edwin the truth about his father until essentially forced to. Because that involves vulnerability. It involves, in his eyes, weakness. And what did vulnerability and "weakness" get him in life? Well...dead.

But he craves reciprocation. He needs to feel like he can be vulnerable, safely. I don't think that Edwin has done anything to make him feel unsafe, but being that they're both emotionally surpressed boys killed by other boys for perceived weaknesses at 16 and the lack of a ghost therapist...it's not all that surprising they haven't dealt with their issues in 30 years.

I think this is why he latches onto Crystal so quickly and easily. Firstly, she's alive: he can at least pretend to ignore his own death for a bit. Secondly, she's his age (sort of) and can see him, which is an uncommon experience at best. Thirdly, again--she's alive, so it can never last--never be real. Either she'll age beyond him, or she'll die and likely be taken to her afterlife. Which he'll happily ignore for the first two reasons.

On Types of Love

I won't get too into this, because I'm in no way an expert in the wide variety of emotions attributed to love. But I will say this: Charles died at 16.

If we set aside the possibility of him being aromantic for now (which he absolutely could be), he may never have had the chance to fall in love while he was alive. If he could even recognize it for what it was. I mean, I'm in my 30s, been married and divorced twice, and I'm still not sure I've ever been in love. At 16, you're drowning in hormones and it can be hard to decipher feelings.

On Arrested Development

If you think about it, his death and subsequent ghostly afterlife are a supernatural version of the arrested development a lot of child abuse survivors experience. But his development arrested literally--he literally CAN'T grow up. At least, not physically.

He may have had 30 years to address his issues, but why would he have thought to? He doesn't have the same responsibilities or needs as a living adult. He's constantly on the job or on the run from Death, he's living with Emotional Repression the Person (my beloved), and frankly...it hurts to examine those problems. How many adults are actively avoiding their own issues?

On the Confession

Edwin, with the most heartwrenching tone of voice since David "I would like to spend" Tennant, makes clear that he's IN love with Charles. And for a moment Charles looks like he's been walloped in the gut with an iron bar, trying to process. But then the trauma-brain kicks in.

He finds the first "logical" explanation to someone (Edwin) telling him they love him: it's a literary reference, and Edwin is...maybe not "messing" with him, but maybe being extra dramatic about this? It can't be real.

But then Edwin gets upset--he's serious about this. And Charles sort of...short-circuits. He can't process this right now, not when they're running for their afterlives. Not when the Night Mother is waiting to split them up. Not when he's barely even begun to process his trauma. So he does everything he can to make sure Edwin knows that, no matter what, he loves him. Maybe not in the same way, but with the same depth.

Because they'll have time. They'll have all the time in the world to figure out what this means. Because they certainly don't right now, and everything Edwin is saying flies directly in the face of every opinion Charles has ever held about himself.

And what the hell is he supposed to do with that?

[hideawaysis]

i miss my old ocs so here's a list of all of them

lizzy the labrador: THE OG!!!!! MY VERY FIRST FURSONA!!!!!! she was a fnaf oc at first (hence the animatronic versions of her) but eventually she just became a Regular Dog. she had a sister named lisa i think and she was dating littledawg (pictured below)

littledawg (second image made by jennycaro70 on scratch): he was a character i got as a prize for winning a coloring contest! i remember i couldn't think of a drawing i wanted as a prize so i just said "a green dog with a red paw screeing at the camera" and that's what i got! he died in a car accident and came back as a zombie demon dog :3

cotton candy: she was a fox who was lizzy's ex-girlfriend and she was CRAAAAAZYYYYY and liked to kill people. i think she was a princess too. also heterochromic...smh what's wrong with a man and a woman marrying... /joking

shigo: another old fursona! he was just a wolf with cool dyed hair, didn't really have any lore apart from being Me. i originally made him for an old youtube intro where his name was rika and then i picked him back up when i first came out as trans and renamed him to shigo! i love him

kaiz and snake (they're heavily related so i'm listing them together): these two were brothers! i originally made them for someone else but then i got too attached and they gave them back to me...snake was based on a childhood drawing apparently but my memory is so bad i don't remember which one lmao

lillypad: this character was originally a warrior cats oc! but then she became a fursona of mine not related to warriors. i honestly don't remember much abt her, but she still means a lot to me.

nyx/jinx: i don't remember much abt this character either apart from the fact that she used to be named jinx until i gave her the name nyx instead...also she was CRAAAAAAZYYYY and liked to kill people ig. she had a half cat half dog son iirc. girlboss. let her kill

flappy: THIS IS THE ONE THAT HAD ADHD AND STIMMED BY FLAPPING HIS ARMS. he's so silly i love him. he was CRAAAAAZYYYYY but he did not like to kill people. also he was friends with littledawg

REV (second image drawn by moonpaw12345 on scratch): OHHHH THIS GUY he was a robot dog that was nervous more than half the time but was so so sweet...i remember when i was younger i got a popular person on scratch to draw REV (the person who drew the second image) and i was SO excited about it...i need to draw him again he was Cutes

miriam: i originally made miriam for a series of horror games! she was the result of a father experimenting on his own daughter and killing her and so she turned into an evil dog demon that haunted an old video game and would break through the screen and kill people. moral of the story: human experimentation is bad and also don't abuse ur kids

i owned way more characters than just this but it'd honestly take forever for me to list them all LOL so here's all the main ones i owned and the ones i cherish the most!

[cervinae-canine]

Me seeing people on twitter talking about morally grey characters like they're completely irredeemable and makes them abusive rapists as a result even though the bad actions they've done is only comparable to a Wile E. Coyote cartoon skit but gorier:

[closetkitsune]

Hate has no home here.

I was browsing through tiktok while getting some rest and every time I see someone (usually a teenager or so) posting about how they have to hide their therianthropy, they get bullied for it, or how their guardians mistreat them, it fills my heart with rage. As someone who survived an abusive childhood, I feel for them, and they don't deserve that.

Tonight I finally got fed up and posted a quick video in attempt to offer others some comfort. I'm currently closeted as well, and I know how difficult it can be to have to hide such an important part of yourself. I won't get into my whole story right now, but let's just say I've had to remain closeted for a couple of decades and I know how tough it can get.

My space will always be a safe space. While I am wary of interacting with minors - not due to any dislike, I'm just being mindful of safety - if you're a minor and you're seeking words of support and comfort, I have no hesitations about that. I'll have my anon asks open for that purpose.

Nobody deserves to be bullied for their identity. No excuses, no exceptions.

[papermint-airplane]

I'm really not doing well guys. Tl;dr my life sucks a lot. That's all you need to know.

My job is still jerking us around on the layoffs. They started in October of last year with "we're selling the department and laying everyone off in February" then when March rolled around and nothing had happened yet, told everyone "lol just kidding the buyer dropped out". So a lot of people quit because this clown company just told everyone it was willing to sell their jobs out from under them and didn't give a shit who was affected or how.

My job is not a job that can function when short staffed. It was already short staffed before they pulled this fakeout layoff shit and now we're lucky to have two people scheduled at any given time. They're paying thousands in overtime, begging people to come in even for a couple of hours on their days off because we don't have enough people to cover one shift, let alone the three they need because the department is 24/7. Customers are rude and entitled. I've been threatened, I've been called horrible names, I've been told I'm a shit human being and don't deserve to live. I'm not allowed to hang up on them. I'm expected to sit there and just take it and not say anything. Most days, we're so busy that I can't take my daily fifteen minute break or even get up to go to the bathroom. And that's only scratching the surface of what goes on at my job.

I have had a history of overworking myself in that job and everyone knows it. I've had literally hundreds of public panic attacks, three full-on mental breakdowns where I was screaming and literally tearing handfuls of my hair out in front of my coworkers from stress, ended up in the hospital twice because I thought I was having a heart attack, and took off three months in 2020 to check myself into an inpatient mental healthcare facility all the way across the country. I have had countless meetings with my supervisors and their supervisors and HR about the toxic work environment and shitty management. I had to beg them to take me off my 8 day rotation (four days of ten hour shifts, four days of eight hour shifts, all in succession with no days off in between) because I started shaking and laughing uncontrollably around day 6 because I was having a literal fucking breakdown. I have literally had to be taken away from work in an ambulance before.

On top of my anxiety being the worst it's ever been (and that includes when I lived with my abusive father), my depression has gotten so bad that all I can do nowadays is work and sleep. Sometimes I don't even get fully in the house before I pass out because I'm so exhausted. I have woken up on my living room floor after work more than once. I told them that I could no longer work shifts like that nor could I take overtime for my own mental health. And they still act like I'm lazy because I don't work 14 hour shifts daily. Bitch, I'm barely holding it together with my weekly 40 hours, and I'm expected to work every Thanksgiving and Christmas but that's just not enough. Nothing I do is enough. And now I don't even have enough energy for the few things I have that I still enjoy. Want to know why my Sims story is on hiatus? Because I have to force myself to do literally anything other than sleep. My house looks like a disgusting hoarder's nest because I can barely move on my days off. I cry all the time. I can't stand to be touched. I shower excessively because I feel filthy when I come home from work in a way I can't adequately articulate. My eczema is so bad that my neck and face are literally covered in bloody red rashes. I look horrible. I feel worse. I have gained over 150 lbs since starting that job in 2006. My thyroid is busted. Some days, I truly believe that I died long ago and this is my own personal Hell.

Now they're telling us that "we definitely have a buyer for the department and all the contracts have been signed". They said there'd be a transition period, after which we'd be laid off but we'd be told when the transition period begins. Now, we got an email telling us we're halfway through the transition period and are probably getting laid off in August "but we don't know when in August, so stay tuned." At this rate, I'm likely to show up one day and be told to go home. I have no idea when that will be and I have no way to know how to prepare.

The only reason I'm still putting up with this bullshit is because...well, to be honest, I've put in a lot of applications and got absolutely no replies. I'm an unemployable useless sack of shit. My company is at least giving us a really good severance package. I'm getting 17 weeks of pay (one week for every year I've worked there) plus another four weeks of pay, plus a $1000 bonus for staying through the transition period. I think I will also qualify for unemployment. I'm trying not to freak out but I don't know what I'm going to do when my severance runs out. I have only had two jobs in my entire life: a grocery store job when I was a teenager for 3 years and this job that I've had for nearly 18 years. My resumé is one page. I have no skills outside of this job. I'm never going to get hired anywhere that's going to pay me anywhere near what this hellhole of a job paid me.

I truly wish I were brave enough to kill myself but I'm not. I keep living and it keeps getting worse and I'm bombarded with hundreds of news articles and Tumblr posts every day telling me how the world is falling apart around me, so even if by some miracle I manage to find a job that pays me enough to fucking live, I don't have a future anyway. I'm almost 40 and I keep waiting for my life to begin but it never does. And it never will. I will never be happy. I will never be safe. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve safety. My own fucking parents hated me from the moment my mom read the lines on her pregnancy test. If my own parents can't love me, nobody can. I'm on medication and in therapy but sometimes, I wonder if it's doing anything at all. You can't fix what's wrong with me. I was just born wrong. And no matter where I go or what kind of job I end up in, the same shit will just keep repeating over and over and over because that's all I deserve. I'll just keep on hurting until global warming or war takes me out and I end up in real Hell.

In an hour, I'm going to regret writing any of this and probably delete this post. Because I'm supposed to take it and not say anything.

My Sims are the only thing that gives me any comfort anymore. Even then, I don't have the energy or attention span to do the things I want. I'm just as irrelevant on Simblr as I am in real life. If I disappeared tomorrow, nobody would notice.

[coockie8]

so would you consider plasmius to be abusive?

I mean, by humans standards, for sure. Absolutely. This thing will claw your face off when angry if you get too close, regardless of who you are.

But it's not a human, so human standards don't really apply here.

A relationship with Plasmius is a lot more like trying to bond with a terrified, wild animal. Sure you might be able to gain it's trust for a time, as long as you remain calm, but it's still a terrified, wild animal; it will lash out when backed into a corner, because at that point there is no "friend" or "foe", there's only "danger", and it will do whatever it feels it needs to do to protect itself from said danger.

[crystalandrose]

I feel like bill was almost definitely institutionalized after he massacred his dimension (im assuming be was around 10-13 at that point?). Maybe this is how he met the axolotl (i like to think the axolotl was just a therapist and not running the facility at this point, and the facility was not super great). So he got even more trauma from being institutionalized. I imagine he went mute for several months until reaching some sort of breaking point. And either got discharged because he wasnt hurting anyone or broke out. Or maybe he aged out of the facility. Whatever age he learned to tie his shoes, because the didnt allow shoes with shoelaces in the facility.

Also about the shoes, since knots are kinda complicated for 2D creatures to understand im not even convinced euclydia had shoelaces. It makes sense without parents hed never learn to tie them for a long time (theres some code on the website about it).

So he gets trauma of not only the death of his dimension but also being put with other traumatized and/or ill people. And just expected to kind of move on. Without concrete parental figures or anything like that (maybe after he gets out he finds something tangential to that, but i wouldnt be surprised if his fragile mental state was taken advantage of by others, contributing to his "trust no one" attitude and causing his idea of "love is the same as fear").

But now, back in an institution, hes getting flashbacks he had long forgotten. Treatment is even more difficult for him. What he really needs is compassion and understanding, to forgive himself for what happened and to relearn what healthy relationships look like. But that is easier said than done.

[pale-opal]

Hear Me Out 2:

So. I know that this image, like the ones in the last post I made, is incredibly niche. I also suspect that, the MMX and Warrior Cats fandoms, much like the Mega Man and Homestuck fanbases, probably don't have that much overlap. However. I am not going to let that stop me from drawing this conclusion: if the books existed in the MMX universe, Axl totally would've read Warrior Cats. And he would've loved it. To prove this, I am going to write an entire multipoint essay about this strange little reploid, and this somehow stranger series of books. Buckle up, folks. This one is going to get wild. Now, first things first: I need to explain what Warrior Cats is. For those of you not in the know, Warrior Cats (also known simply as Warriors) is a book series that follows several different groups of cats known as "clans" through their time in a forest. Every writer who has worked on the Warrior Cats series has done so under the pen name "Erin Hunter". However, some of the authors identities are known. For example, the first few arcs were primarily written by a woman named Victoria Holmes. - The cats are not anthropomorphic (for the most part). They are feral. Humans exist, but they can't understand them. Pet cats are referred to as "kittypets." - A clan cat receives several names during their lifetime. If they are born into the clan, they are born as [noun/adjective]kit. As an apprentice (a warrior cat in training), they would be called [noun/adjective]paw. Once they become a warrior, usually at 12 months (or "moons", as months are referred to in the books as such) of age, they will become [noun/adjective][noun 2]. Cats who are the appointed leader of their clan are known as [noun/adjective]star. Cats that join a clan from elsewhere have a chance to go through this naming system as well, but they do not have to if they don't want to. Cat names will be used interchangeably, depending on when that specific cat had that name. - Leader cats have nine lives, of which are given to them by Starclan (cat heaven). There can only be one leader at a time. Also, there is a hell-equivalent known as the "Dark Forest". Dead clan cats get sent to one of these two places after death. Their ghosts can also die - either through fading (being forgotten by the living), or through severe injuries and other similar causes of death. - The clan cats follow a set of rules known as the "Warrior Code". It is mostly composed of basic rules, such as not being allowed to kill cats for no reason, not being allowed to quit being a clan cat to go live with people, etc. However, some more complex rules were added. An example includes a rule that allows a leader to be disposed by their subordinates. - I will be discussing spoilers for the entirety Warrior Cats series. If at any point during this essay you want to put on a life jacket and jump ship so you can experience these books blind, feel free to do so (however, I do recommend skipping to the final few bullets of the "Additional Notes" section before leaving the cruise, as I do mention topics that I think would be a disservice to not warn new readers of beforehand). I also have to provide a content warning for violence because these books can be dark sometimes.

Part 1: Character Arc Cousins Something that makes a book or story likeable is relatability. And how do characters become relatable? By having experiences that readers are likely to have gone through themselves. And if we go through the Warrior Cats series, we find that there are quite a few characters that Axl would relate to. For instance, there's Firestar:

Let's go through a list of the things he and Axl have in common: 1. Born as a kittypet named Rusty, Firepaw leaves his home to join Thunderclan because he feels he's meant to be doing something else with his life. Axl leaves Red Alert when they become evil, and joins the Maverick Hunters because he doesn't feel that it's right for him to be using his copy ability to harm innocents. Shared experience: leaving home to pursue their destiny. 2. Firepaw spends the majority of The Prophecies Begin (the first set of Warrior Cats books) trying to prove himself worthy of being in Thunderclan, even when he becomes Firestar. Axl spends all of X7 trying to prove himself to the Hunters, and continues to work toward doing so when he fails to win X's approval, even after all he's been through. Shared experience: proving themselves to people who are older and more experience than they are. 3. At the end of The Last Hope (the final book in the Omen of the Stars collection), Firestar dies from his injuries in a fight against the ghost of Tigerstar I (long story), his final life being spent protecting his clan. Guess what happens to Axl in X8? If you guessed "gets a mysterious black crystal shoved into his head by Lumine's corpse after working together with his homies to kill him, leaving him in a near-comatose state," congratulations! You're right! Your prize is... um... the satisfaction of being correct! Huzzah! Shared experience: dying/becoming severely injured after working to secure the greater good for their loved ones.

Firestar's not the only character Axl would relate to, either. There's also: - Squirrelfight (both characters do reckless things to keep others safe, and have an early habit of rushing into things. They also have trouble getting older people to take them seriously.) - Hollyleaf (both she and Axl betray people they care about - and they both do it with murder, too. (Axl has to kill the members of Red Alert, while Hollyleaf betrays Thunderclan by killing Ashfur (note: to clarify, Hollyleaf did not betray Ashfur specifically. She betrayed the clan by breaking the Warrior Code (although one could make the case that she didn't actually break it, but that's a whole issue of its own))) - Dovewing (similar to Firestar somewhat: both Dovewing and Axl work with older characters, and struggle to fit in with them)

Usually, the more relatable the characters are, the more a viewer or reader will enjoy the story. And with four whole cats that he can feel free to project himself onto, Axl's all set to have a great time reading Warrior Cats on the basis of the characters alone. But that's not the only reason he'd have a heck of a time. There's also:

Part 2 - The Drama of it All

Let's make another list. This time, we'll take note of what Axl likes, what kind of person he is, stuff like that. Axl: - Is trigger happy. Literally. One of his lines in X8 directly states that the thought of fighting mavericks "makes [his] trigger finger itch". The boy lives to fight. - Is a child. Based on his behavior (not taking certain things seriously, wanting to be treated as an equal to those older than him, being easy to amuse), as well as the way he is voice acted (he had a female VA for X7, and a common practice in voice acting is to give male characters who haven't gone through puberty a voice actress or a male VA who is younger or around the same age as the character being portrayed. Additionally, the voices given to him in X8 and Command Mission are at a somewhat higher pitch than X and Zero's - while he does sound older, it's clear that he's younger than X and Zero) tell us that he is not meant to be the same age as the other members of the Hunter trio. Warrior Cats is aimed at middle-school aged children. Keep this in mind. - Despises injustice. He ditches Red Alert when they go maverick, and spends an entire game trying to become a Hunter. And after he becomes one in between X7 and X8, he gets darn good at it. By Command Mission, he's an S-Class Hunter alongside X and Zero. Oh, and in X8 he shoots Lumine in the middle of an evil laugh and tells X and Zero to disregard his evil monologue that he just finished giving.

Based on all this, I think it's safe to say that Axl would enjoy how Warrior Cats includes the following: - The first antagonist, Tigerstar I, attempts to kill Bluestar (the leader of Thunderclan prior to Firestar), kills several innocent cats in his quest for power, and manipulates a dying clan to become its leader after getting exiled from Thunderclan. And how does he get his dues? By getting killed by the second antagonist, Scourge, with all of his lives being taken by one wound, (yes, this is considered a children's book series). And Scourge gets killed by Firestar, who takes him out after coming back to life from Scourge killing him first. You know. Like a boss.

- The majority of Warrior Cats start off as kits or apprentices, meaning that they begin their journey as children and/or pre-teens/teenagers. Recall the target demographic for the books. Now recall how old Axl is. I think you see where I'm going with this. - All of the major villains in the Warriors series meet a terrible fate, one that matches their horrible actions. We already talked about Tigerstar I (and Scourge, to a lesser extent). Now here are some other examples: Brokenstar: He forced kits (aka BABIES) into becoming apprentices before they were of age (6 moons old) (which is not only against the warrior code, but also dangerous because... well, I think we all know why it's a bad idea to send an actual baby out to do certain things like hunt or fight against entire adults in any context). He meets his end by getting blinded and poisoned by his own mother. And then when he dies, he goes to the Dark Forest. Ashfur: After becoming bitter over how Squirrelflight chose another man over him, he decides to go and kill her and her children. But guess what? Not only does that loser fail miserably in doing that, but Hollyleaf also takes him out. Unfortunately, Ashur somehow gets let into cat-heaven. However, this lapse in Starclan's judgement leads to Ashfur being able to magically force all the dead cats in both the Dark Forest and Starclan to do his bidding. He also possesses Bramblestar. But you know what happens to him afterwards? HIS GHOST GETS DROWNED IN A POOL OF WATER THAT SAPS THE LIFE FORCE OUT OF THE CATS THAT GO IN IT. YOU KNOW. LIKE A FREAKING LITWICK (shout out to Bristlefrost for being the one to take out this poser).

Part 3 - It's Not All Perfect Now, anyone who's read Warrior Cats knows that the series has some... interesting flaws in its writing. From forbidden romance being the Special of the Day every series to established lore being retconned at the drop of a hat, the Warriors books have gone through their fair share of bad writing decisions. Here's how I think Axl would respond to some of those issues:

1. Continuity Errors: - "Redtail's Debt" has dubious canonicity. It was established in the second book of the first arc that Redtail, the first deputy of Thunderclan talked about in the series, did NOT kill Oakheart (a former deputy of Riverclan) in a battle that took place in the first book's prologue. Whether or not he did was a huge part of the intrigue of the first two books, and finding out he didn't was an important part of uncovering Tigerstar I's treachery. The writers who took over after Holmes retired from the series retconning this has horrible implications for the series timeline. (And it makes Ravenpaw (one of the most iconic characters, and the one who revealed that Redtail wasn't a murderer) look like a liar for no reason. And we can't have that.) As a result, I think Axl would be pretty upset about this one. I feel he'd take the lore for these angry kitty-cats super seriously. He probably has a mock timeline in his room on the wall. He takes notes whenever new bits of worldbuilding is introduced. He represses the urge to bang his head against a wall whenever the writers confuse a cat's lore with another (looking at you, Graystripe). He knows everything about these cats, and he knows that Redtail didn't kill Oakheart. - On that note, the Heavystep situation would drive him up a wall. For those of you don't know, Heavystep is a character who has died a grand total of three times in the Warriors series. But he was never leader or anything like that: no, the authors just kept losing track of him. But you know who didn't lose track? The readers. I like to think Axl has an original copy of the book Dark River. In the original print of that book, Heavystep was brought back to life for a fourth time. This was later fixed in a reprint, but Axl doesn't know that. 2. Forbidden Romance: Until recently, cats who belonged to different clans were not allowed to become mates. But due to some changes in the Warrior Code, that is less of a problem. However, that doesn't change the fact that we got a lot of forbidden relationships in the series before that point. But even with that in mind, I think Axl would actually eat this sort of plotline up. He'd love it. We've already established that he would enjoy the more violent aspects of the drama. So why not the drama that takes place between characters in non-violent ways? - I figure that Axl would enjoy it until the last book of Omen of the Stars (AKA The Last Hope). That's when he starts punching the air out of frustration. I can totally see him venting about it out loud to anybody who will listen:

Axl: "And then Dovewing chooses freaking BUMBLESTRIPE over Tigerheart, even though Bumblestripe tried to ask her out DURING A FUNERAL." Zero: "And then what happ--" Axl: "Dude, I haven't even told you the worst of it. Before all that, Jayfeather was catching feelings for someone from the freaking PAST because TIME TRAVEL. And - oh. OH. Let me tell you about Firestar and Spottedleaf. Guess what they do. While everyone around them is dying and fighting for their lives. Guess." Zero: "Firestar.... moves on from her?" Axl: "HA! I WISH. No. Instead, they have an entire MOMENT. IN FRONT OF SANDSTORM. I HATE IT HERE." - As you can tell, Axl wouldn't exactly be supportive of the whole "Spottedleaf x Firestar" debacle (Spottedleaf dies in the first arc after Firepaw develops a one-sided crush on her. Spottedleaf starts to reciprocate as a ghost (after Firepaw becomes an adult and is named Fireheart), only for this to continue... until the day Spottedleaf's ghost dies). I imagine Axl would be fine with it at first, but once Firestar becomes mates with Sandstorm? All bets are off. I just can't see Axl supporting Firestar emotionally cheating on his wife. Axl would appreciate a lot of things - adultery most likely wouldn't be one of them. - Omen of the Stars would probably leave a bitter taste in Axl's mouth as far as forbidden romance goes (even after Dovewing ends up getting together with Tigerstar II) until The Broken Code, which would end up redeeming the concept in his mind in the most dramatic way possible:

Axl: *Is crying* X: "Aw, Axl! What's wrong?" Axl: *Is holding book 5 of The Broken Code, weeping miserably* "Bristlefrost and Rootspring just w-wanted to be h-happy, but now they can't, because -- because Bristlefrost is dead!" X: *Has no idea what he's talking about, is trying his best* "Oh, no! That's... that's awful." Axl: "And now all Rootspring has left of her is a vision of her and him with - with the kids that they'll n-never get to have-!" *Sobs* X: "Okay... how about... how about you read something a little happier-" Axl: "No, that - that's okay. I wanna finish it." X: "Are... are you sure?" Axl: *More serious than he has ever been in his life* "Yes." X: *Puts hands up* "Well - okay, then!"

Part 4 - Conclusion So. To sum this up, Warriors is a book series that contains copious amounts of violence, underdog characters to root for and relate to, killable villains, romance, and things that people can complain about. And Axl is someone who would enjoy all of that. In other words:

Rest in peace, Axl. You would've loved Warrior Cats. ...

(Yes, I know he's technically not dead. But he may as well be since we never got X9. The writers of the ZX series didn't even know what his final fate was supposed to be. That's why we got Model A and not Axl. Seriously. Look it up.)

Part 5 - Additional Notes Here are some other things that I would like to say that wouldn't fit into the whole of the essay:

- This took way longer than expected: it was in my drafts since August 10th! I actually had to edit a certain part of the essay because the arc A Starless Clan concluded while I was writing this. But now it's free. And I am now able to start work on another essay meant to boggle hearts and minds. Get ready. - Axl's favorite villain would be Tigerstar, even though he reminds him of Sigma. Reading about him getting killed twice gave him deja vu. - Zero would read Warriors to get a feel for it, so that he could understand whenever Axl started ranting about it. He ends up losing the plot and has to resort to watching YouTube videos. - X, on the other hand, would get super invested - but only after Axl started reading A Starless Clan. Which means that he's got a long way to go before he can relate to Axl's cat-related tangents. - Signas tried to read Warriors because Axl brought it up during a meeting once. He confused it for Tailchaser's Song (1985) and ended up introducing Axl to a new book to get excited over instead of figuring out what's "hip with the kids." - Axl cried at the end of The Last Hope. He bawled his eyes out. Just completely inconsolable. And then he read Dovewing's Silence, and cried some more. - When Grey Wing said "Kill me. Kill me and live with the memory. Then tell the stars that you won.", it formed an entire core memory in Axl's brain. He would totally say this at some point in the fight against Red. And Red would just laugh and recall when Axl lived with Red Alert and spent a bunch of his free time reading silly cat books. The tension is eased. And then Zero runs over with his sword while screaming a battle cry and then they remember that they're at war. - Now for the serious parts. To begin with, there is a certain novella in the series known as Spottedleaf's Heart. Long story short, I don't like the idea of Axl reading this book. I don't like the idea of an actual child reading this book (at least, not without guidance). So Axl will not be reading it. I do not feel like it would be appropriate for me to explain why here, since it involves topics that would be hard to discuss in what's supposed to be a lighthearted essay. However, Moonkitti has a video that explains the issues with this book in case you want to know what it is I'm referring to (however, please heed the warning that she provides at the beginning). - For the second point, I'll cut straight to the chase: Warriors has quite a few examples of ableism and sexism. I didn't discuss either of them in-depth because I felt that it would be out of place tone-wise in the grand scheme of the essay, but again: I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't at least warn new readers about these aspects. To be specific, these problems are issues because it sometimes feels like the writers resent having disabled and female characters existing in their narrative at all. However, something that is worth mentioning is that there seems to have been efforts made over time to fix these problems. - In case you're wondering how Axl would feel about all this, here's how I see it: he'd hate it. While there aren't any disabled characters in the MMX series that he could've interacted with, Axl does know what it's like to be underestimated and mistreated for reasons outside of one's control. So he would most likely be personally upset by how the narrative takes the chance to sideline or get rid of characters in a similar position, regardless of whether or not the reason why was because of a disability (I imagine he would have some very strong words to say about what happened to Snowkit). As for the sexism: as far as I'm aware, most of the female influences in Axl's life are positive, with him knowing all of them personally. Why wouldn't he get mad about how the series treats women? Especially when all of the ones that he's friends with have been directly involved in what he does as a Hunter, or in saving the world in the case of MMX Command Mission?

Additionally, the books sometimes have legitimate trouble properly writing abusers. Some are written in genuine, believable ways, while others are written that way by accident or aren't fully treated the way they should be by the narrative. This leads to some... odd implications as to what is considered abuse in Warrior Cats and by the authors. In light of that last sentiment: do not come after any of the authors. While you don't have to respect all of their writing decisions, that doesn't mean you can just run around attacking people. Be respectful.

Furthermore, Warriors also includes relationships between characters with lengthy (and sometimes problematic (which is a topic that warrants it's own discussion, although I am not sure if I should be the one to discuss it)) age gaps. Keep that in mind before you start reading. - TL;DR: read the books at your own risk. And be mindful of what you're getting into.

[summerlinenss]

I no longer believe the actor who claims abuse on the Time Bandits set. Please read this all. I did my best to explain my reasons. I apologize for any rambling.

Paramount has issues with safety on their sets. They have issues with their HR and resolution departments. That is proven fact and has happened more than once recently, even resulting in lawsuits. I don't deny they were injured as they have record of that and Paramount has stated they paid their worker's comp claim, but I would take everything else they claim with a Rock of Gibraltar sized grain of salt.

Especially since they're just now trotting out that damned letter Taika signed as "proof" he and the entire cast, crew, and production companies are all white supremacist, pro-genocide zionists.

"Taika who signed that Biden letter" is a direct quote from the actor in a comment. They shared a post from an Instagram called "Zionists in Film" that purports to "out" supposed celebrity zionists. That post is Taika with falsehoods about the letter he signed plastered all over it. I don't know about all the celebrities listed, but there are several I know are anything but zionists and are listed there for doing literally nothing wrong.

The actor said nothing about the set being packed full of zionists until six days ago, starting with a post about Apple firing pro-Palestinian workers (I don't know if that's true, but either way it's not about Apple TV). The post from Zionists in Film about Taika went up five days ago. Everything else about the incident had been up and untouched since May. There is no other "evidence" that I've seen, be it quotes from the actor or anecdotes from anyone on that set that points to anyone being a zionist. Obviously I don't know each actor and crew member's stance personally, but when all a person who was on set with them can say is that Taika signed a letter, it doesn't look very convincing.

Also, the biggest and most obvious strike against their claim that the place was chock full of zionists? They were only on set when filming began in 2022 and filming wrapped entirely in early 2023! I/P has been a conflict for decades, I know, but your average joe did not care about "zionists" or even the conflict as a whole (regretfully) until after Oct 7th. So why, after all these months and two years after they left the set, do they suddenly start claiming it was a den of genocidal zionists?

I also don't believe every single one of the hundreds of people on the TB set was out to get them specifically. The entire cast, crew, and all the production companies involved are made up of misogynistic white supremacist queerphobes who only hated them just because they're Asian and nonbinary? What about the black guys in the cast? Or the little people? Or the women? Or any of the countless other minorities working on the show in any capacity, such as the no doubt large Maori presence? It was somehow just them who was despised by everyone, including those other minorities?

So yes, the actor deserves proper compensation for their injury, assuming their claim that Paramount didn't pay enough to cover their bills is true. But every other thing they said? I don't believe a word of it anymore. I was listening and accepting until they started screaming zionist. Now they come across as nothing more than a person with a bone to pick because they didn't get all the money they wanted. They just shot their credibility in the foot.

(I'm sending this essay to you because while I don't have a twitter account and can't get one, I have still seen idiots using this actor's "proof" to hate Taika, his fans, and Time Bandits as a whole. I just needed to put some fact checking and discussion somewhere.)

i want to just start with a disclaimer that, as anon said, i’m aware of the actual claims that have been made and read through the statements both from the actor and the paramount reps and it’s clear that they experienced some form of physical/emotional distress on set. no one is denying that. so i’m in no way attempting to diminish or disregard their experience.

that being said, i’m going to be 100% honest and say this as carefully as i can, but i’ve had an extremely off feeling about this since i first read about it. not in the sense of “well they would never allow that to happen so you’re obviously lying,” but there’s just something i really can’t put my finger on about this actor’s intentions that genuinely feel rooted in something vindictive rather than actually seeking personal justice.

just for comparison for anyone who hasn’t read the statements, i’m going to leave a link and screenshots of those here:

at first i honestly tried to take everything they were saying in good faith, but it’s at the point where it feels like they’re just making accusations of every controversial thing possible and waiting to see what sticks so they can get a pay-out to keep them quiet. it was originally a costar physically/psychologically abusing them and no one on set caring or believing them. now it’s escalated to:

- alleging the set was full of open and vocal zionists spewing a “pro-genocide” agenda

- claiming in advance that paramount is going to use AI to dub over their scenes

- apparently being both mad that they were “forced to leave” the show and mad that they’re going to still be in the show at all

- claiming they were gaslit and threatened by producers to the point of becoming suicidal

- calling them all “colonizers” (which if they are referring to taika and jemaine i think that is highly inappropriate and tone deaf)

- claiming they were digitally erased from stills because the producers are too scared to show their character and address what happened

- claiming they were originally in all 10 episodes and had their part reduced out of spite

- sharing headlines alleging all little people roles were cut from the show (which they weren’t) and alleging the cast was full of only white men (from the trailer alone the majority of the cast is literally bipoc and afab people)

- implied they were specifically discriminated against for being queer/non-binary and asian (although they are seemingly nowhere near the only lgbtq+ or AAPI cast/crew member so i don’t even understand what they’re talking about)

i’d also like to point out that i noticed one of the cast members is a queer and disabled rights activist (who seems like a lovely person btw) who has expressed nothing but total positivity and gratitude towards the show and absolutely everyone involved. and yes, of course, everyone can have different experiences, but i sincerely doubt someone who dedicates their spare time to fighting discrimination would stand by and not speak up if a costar was being abused or mistreated.

like you mentioned, the zionist stuff is all pure bullshit. and people who cry “zionism” to win their own personal conflicts typically don’t have a grasp on what it actually means. i don’t know how many times i’ve said by now that taika has literally been openly opposing the israeli military’s occupation of palestine on social media for the past six years minimum. i’m gonna be blunt and say any arguments people are still trying to make that he’s secretly an evil zionist because he (or probably his publicist) signed a letter that he likely didn’t even read and just assumed said “hey let’s keep freeing hostages and stop the violence” are just rooted in antisemitism at this point. i’m not sure about everyone else, but i do know that many people working on the show have been openly and vocally pro-palestine and even signed ceasefire letters, including jemaine and rachel house (i believe madeleine sami may have a cameo as well). and as you mentioned, anon, most of the general public (including i might assume this actor in question) didn’t become aware of or actively start speaking out against the occupation of palestine until this past october, which in no way coincided with the show’s filming. so i don’t get what they’re trying to prove besides the fact that they know buzzwords, honestly.

i’m also aware that this isn’t the first time this individual has done this kind of thing. they literally have a whole subcategory of their wikipedia page dedicated to allegations and accusations of abuse and discrimination they’ve made against others. and granted, some of the claims they’ve made are valid and i hope they got some sort of retribution. but a lot are also pretty big reaches and feel much more like attempts to “cancel” people they don’t like or had a hard time working with (e.g. they went on a bit of a smear campaign calling seth rogen an abuse apologist because he’d been friends with and “enabled” james franco in the past and deserved to never work in the industry again).

i’m not gonna be that person and say “well i know them and they’re good people and would never do these things,” because frankly, we don’t know anyone and incidents do happen. however i find it extremely questionable that this is literally the first time in about a decade of following their work that i have ever heard a single person have a remotely negative experience working with taika and/or jemaine, especially when all anyone else has ever said is specifically how safe and inviting and comfortable they make their sets for everyone. it also seems really bizarre and downright out-of-character to me that either one of them would not only refuse to help a cast member in distress, but that they’d go out of their way to mock and threaten them, all for the sake of protecting some B/C-list actor on an apple tv series of all things. i know for a fact taika has fired and recast abusers/people with allegations before for bigger projects, i don’t see why he wouldn’t do it again if necessary. and as the “insider source” in that article mentioned, i understand why they said they waited so long, but it still seems awfully convenient that they didn’t make any of this public until nearly a year and a half post-filming (and just a couple of months before the show was set to be released), despite apparently being in such life-altering turmoil.

i seriously do feel awful saying it, because again i don’t doubt there was an injury and emotional distress/discomfort being on set (or that HR was probably a goddamn pain to deal with), but it truly just doesn’t feel sincere or like they actually want to find a resolution. it really feels to me like either paramount didn’t fulfill their obligations of required support/compensation (which yes is obviously fucked up) or the actor in question didn’t get what they thought they deserved in support/compensation, and now they have a vendetta against everyone involved in the production and are determined to establish martyrdom to get them all “cancelled.”

[msfcatlover]

IWCTW!Damian having to relearn how to suppress his stims, because his grandfather doesn’t like it, after nearly 20yrs of learning how to feel comfortable with expressing himself. 

(Clark catching Damian stimming, only for Damian to immediately try to bluff his way out of it, because it’s been months back with the League and Damian’s relearned that stimming is dangerous. Clark starts showing up with potential stim-toys, being super-casual and even framing some of them as requests. Like, “I’ve been thinking about giving something like this to my son, can you test it and make sure it both works and is safe please? Oh no, you can keep that one. I’ll get Jon another.”)

[that-ineffable-devil]

Listen, I love the Night Nurse as a character. I love Ruth Connell, period.

But when she stands there in Charles' memories and watches him get beaten with a belt and then takes the words he cried at his father to beat him down further "No, you can't make it better. You never made it better, then you died."

I have yet to forgive her for that. It is, without a doubt, one of the cruellest lines I've ever heard in film or television.

[ninamodaffari]

PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT THE FUNKY GUYS YOU JUST POSTED. Love their look

AH thank you friend! I greatly appreciate getting to lore dump about sad boys.

Basically Yuri and Marcin are both orphans (not related by blood) that live under the oppressive rule of their gang-leader / orphanage director, Ismo, who uses the kids as cannon fodder for horrible jobs while collecting donations on the side from well-meaning patrons unaware of the abuse.

The gang is called the Doomed Orphans. While Marcin was tasked to become an assassin, Yuri was made into an unwilling sex worker. Often times they'd come home from a job at the same time, different sides of a bloodied coin, and get envious of what the other had. Ismo would purposely turn the kids on each other so that they didn't see the common enemy: him.

(Ismo was later killed in our campaign by Yuri and Marcin managed to escape that life and now lives happily with Yuris family and has a boyfriend, so happy endings for all)