#CUSTOM STUPID ROBOT ICING

[soulsty]

????? (He already had a name tbf)

Like duhh

[lovebugism]

Heyo!

Can you pretty please with sugar on top do something with Steve and shy!reader and then passing notes?

Feel free to skip if you want, and thank you in advance! Your writing skills are so good!

ty angel! hope you like it xoxo — after a scolding from keith for talking to you on the job, steve takes matters into his own hands (shy!fem!r, fluff, established relationship, 1.3k)

bug's one year celebration ♡

Grieving, grieving, grieving.

Steve goes into his fourth hour on the clock mourning the lack of you. You’re sitting just beside him, click-clacking away at the chunky computer, but he misses you anyway. He hasn’t said a word to you in an hour. He’s pretty sure it has to be a record by now, especially with you close enough to kiss.

Keith got mad at the two of you for ‘fonduing on the job.’ Whatever that means. Now, the two of you are silent and unsure of what to do with yourselves. This job was only tolerable because he could spend eight hours with you. What’s he supposed to do now? Work?

“Have a good day,” he says, a bit robotically but with a smile, as he hands a customer their bag of movies. Killer Klowns, Poltergeist, and Basketcase — for what must be a horror movie marathon for a holiday season cleanse.

The customer service grin washes away the second the door dings open and shut again. The store is quiet and mostly empty, eerily so without you to fill the void. 

A funny joke pops into his head then, and his first instinct is to tell you about it — just to see you smile ‘cause he knows you’ll laugh even if it’s not funny. He looks over his shoulder to make sure Keith isn’t looking, then finds the weirdo watching him like a hawk, only his beady eyes visible over the aisle of tapes.

Steve cowers beneath the ice-cold glare and turns away again. He reaches for a sticky note instead, bright yellow and with the Family Video logo printed in green at the top. The jotting of his pen against the pad fills the mostly silent store. 

He yawns and fakes a stretch to stick the thing on the counter next to you.

You don’t notice it at first — because inventory has drained your awareness so much that it’s all you can focus on — but you’re smiling the second you do. It schlicks when you un-stick it from the laminate to find a sloppy drawing of a cartoon pig. 

“Missing you pig time” is written in something close to chicken scratch just beside it.

You get all giddy, like a schoolgirl in the back of the classroom getting a note from their crush. Being with Steve feels exactly like that, all the time. On the legal pad next to you, you write a cheesy pun of your own — a plump hippo in a neater cursive that reads “I hippopota-miss you.” 

You rip it from the notebook slowly and with a palm spread flat to avoid making too much noise. You crumble it up to pretend like it’s trash, then intentionally miss the bin beside you. The thing bounces by Steve’s sneakers before he bends down to pick it up with a golden hand.

He smooths out the paper as best he can on the counter. Then leans on his elbow and props his scruffy chin in his palm, using his fingers to hide the beam on his face. With his free hand, he draws you a hedgehog adjacent to the cartoonish animal you’d created — only he doesn’t really remember what a hedgehog looks like, so it’s more of a circle with spikes.

“Could really use a hedge-hug right now,” he writes.

He crushes the paper between his palms and tosses it into your lap.

You shoot him a glare, accompanied with a small smile, but he looks away too quickly to see it. 

You begin to beam as your eyes dart over the crumbled paper, an expression so wide Steve can see it in his own head. He’s grieved to miss it, but he doesn’t want Keith to see him and think he’s distracted again. Besides, he knows if he looks at you too long, he’ll have no choice but to kiss you stupid.

Now all you are is unkissed and grieving, more so than you were just five minutes ago. You grow empty with the feeling. It makes the spark of bravery and sudden longing burn brighter behind your ribcage.

You rise from your squeaking swivel chair and walk the very short distance to Steve. Three steps. Five, maybe. Six at the very most. You don’t count them, too overwhelmed by your love for the boy who doesn’t see you coming.

You wrap him up in your arms, wedging yourself between him and the countertop. Your arms clasp behind his lower back as your cheek squishes into his sternum. He smells like home, cologne, and something warmer.

Steve tenses beneath your embrace. Not because he doesn’t welcome it, but because you’re not usually so affectionate this way. It took you months to kiss him first — longer to stop asking to kiss him before you did it. 

And you’re a delicate little thing, too. You hate getting in trouble. Hate the thought that someone, somewhere in the world, was at some point unhappy with you. And even though you don’t particularly care for your boss, you’d think you’d probably cry if Keith ever scolded you.

Steve knows this, too. So he doesn’t give in to you so easily.

“Whatcha doing?” he croons lowly to you.

“Give you a hedge-hug,” you mumble into his chest.

He scoffs a faint laugh that fans across your forehead. “You’ll get in trouble,” he teases in a gentle whisper, slowly melting into your embrace. His wide hands smooth warm along your spine. He doesn’t press you anything closer with his touch, just cradles you softly against him.

“Don’t care. I just miss you.”

“Hippopota-miss me?” he jokes and noses into your hair. You smell like home, in both the figurative and literal sense of the word. Equal parts because you spent the night at his place and because your scent strikes something short of nostalgia inside his chest.

You laugh. He can feel the golden sound of it in his ribcage. “Pig time,” you answer.

“How’d you like that one, huh?” he asks, muffled against you.

“It was genius.”

“Right!” he chuckles. “Thought of it outta nowhere and had to tell someone about it.”

Your head shakes against him as a grin blossoms on your lips. He can’t see it from this angle, but he can feel it — in the way your cheek squishes harder against his sternum. “Your brain is so amusing, you know that?”

Steve, knowing that would be an insult coming from Robin, decides to take it as a compliment from you. He presses his petaled mouth to your forehead and lingers there for several moments. “Thank you,” he murmurs after.

The Robin in question turns out to be his savior, neither intentionally nor ungrudgingly.

She’s stacking VHS tapes on the shelves with Keith, both of them crouched to restock the bottom rows. She rises first, bones creaking in protest. “God, I feel like an eighty-year-old, man,” she groans and stretches her aching knees.

Back to full height again, she sees the two of you wrapped in an embrace behind the counter. She scoffs and rolls her eyes. Not because she’s jealous — she’s definitely not jealous — but because the two of you couldn’t last a whole hour not talking. It’s deplorable.

But despite her internalized complaints, she refuses to let Keith catch you fonduing a second time. Right before he stands beside her, she swipes a hand over the top row of tapes. Adventure movies titled L through M tumbled to the ground, a few of them knocking the older boy on his mulleted head.

“Ow!” he winces, nasally and whiny. He cradles the top of his deep brown, only slightly greasy hair and stares daggers at the girl above him. “What the heck was that for?”

Robin shoots him a shaking smile, freckled face blotched pink. “Sorry,” she lilts, voice trembling. “Spasm.”

[still-a-morosexual-help]

[NAME REDACTED]

summary: Mammon's list of gender-neutral nicknames to call the ((cute)) stupid customer who keeps ordering shitty drinks

[Fic on A03]

He could feel a bead of sweat trickle down his neck as he stared at them.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck-

Damnit.

He stared at them more, holding the freezing cup at arm's length, as he tried to will them to look at him. Maybe he had developed some kind of psychic power in the last 5 minutes?

Turn around. Turn around. Turn around.

Nope. No powers. They still sat hunched, eyes glued to their phone as they scrolled through it. He was just as human and useless as he was 5 minutes ago.

Fuck. Stupid.

It wasn't a big deal. 

It shouldn't be a big deal. 

But Lucifer.

But Lucifer was a perfectionist asshole with eyes and ears in every corner. Any minor slip up on Mammon's part would be taken as yet another typical grand failure.

But Lucifer had got him this job. Had pulled strings with his boyfriend's boss's friend. Had bent over backwards to promise Barbatos that letting Mammon work at his small yet beloved coffee shop wasn't a bad decision. That Mammon wouldn't screw this up like all the other jobs he's had. Like all the other chances he'd been given. 

But Lucifer had said this would be his last chance. He knew it wasn't. It had been his last chance the time before. And the time before that. And the time before that. Lucifer would sigh and yell and sigh again but he'd clean up Mammon's messes. Pay his debts. And give him another chance.

But. Mammon didn't want to mess up. He wanted to keep this job. Wanted to pay off his own debt for once. Wanted to make his big brother proud.

What he didn't want was to piss off Barbatos by destroying his self proclaimed Perfect Customer Service™ on his second day.

Fuck.

This was all their fault. What special kind of dumbass ordered this ice blended caramel, chocolate caffeine monstrosity in the dead of winter anyway.

He took a breath. The chill of the drink was starting to numb his fingers, and condensation was forming on the sides of the cup. Fuck. Okay, he needed to get this over with. He opened his mouth,

"HEY, DUMBASS!"

FUCK.

The person stopped. Their frozen finger hovering over their screen before slowly, with robotic motions, they looked up to stare him dead in the eye. Again, with stilted movement, they looked around the empty shop before turning back to him.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck- 

Mammon's fingers trembled around the still awkwardly outstretched cup. His face flushed and he bit his cheek to stop his eyes from tearing up out of pure frustration. Why didn't he ever think before he spoke. Why was he so stu-

"Thank you."

Mammon blinked. 

They gently took the cup from his grip, face breaking out in a bright smile that crinkled their nose. "I've heard a lot of mispronounced names but Dumbass has gotta be a whole new one."

Mammon floundered. "I - uh -"

"Is it the beanie?" They cut him off, pointing at what was probably the ugliest, most misshapen, thing he had ever seen, sitting atop their head. "I made it myself," they said, beaming proudly.

"Was the drink. 'S cold," he answered in a bit of a stupor.

"Ah," they said, nodding wisely. 

They stared at each other for an hour long 5 seconds, Mammon resisting the urge to bounce on his heels, to say something while their grin transformed into something smaller, softer. 

"Well," they jiggled their cup making the icy liquid slosh against the cap, "I'll be going then. See you."

"See ya."

And they were gone.

His face burned.

 -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

He could feel a bead of sweat trickle down his neck as he stared at them.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck-

Damnit.

It wasn't his fault. It wasn't. There had been a rush and he'd let his body work on autopilot as his mind had drifted to more interesting things. Specifically, payday. It made sense that he'd miss a name or two.

He glared at their turned back. Trying to drag their name out from whatever corner of his mind it had vanished to, he eyed the unintelligible squiggles he'd written on the side of the cup. He took a breath. Opened his mouth,

"OI RED!"

Christ what was wrong with him.

Their head snapped his way and oh. His gaze drifted down to the monstrosity in his hand. 

Oh.

His ears were already red when he looked at the same bright smile he had seen just a week prior. 

"I THOUGHT I WAS DUMBASS?" They yelled back from their seat across the cafe, seemingly taking no note of the audience they had gained.

With a snort and his own lopsided grin he waved them over. 

"Ya hoodie was so bright it overwhelmed the stupidity of ya drink."

They tugged at the offensively red hoodie in question. "That's fair."

"Ya made that too?"

"I'm honoured you have such faith in my craft."

He didn't know eyes could twinkle in real life. Wasn't that just something for Satan's books or Levi's anime. 

"It wasn't a compliment," he replied, a bit numbly as they smiled once more and turned around with a "See you."

 -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

He stared at them and they stared back evenly. Shit. How'd he miss their name a third time!?

Taking a breath, 

"YO HUMAN!"

Even from across the room, he could hear the unflattering snort. It made something in his stomach flutter.

"Is this cause you're a demon?" They ask as they near the counter.

"What."

"Your name," they say, "Mammon. Isn't that demonic? Something about money?"

"How'd ya know my name!" He doesn't mean to snap but all he hears is Loan Shark. Loan Shark. Loan Shark. Loan Sha-

"Your nametag, dumbass." They say, tapping at their own chest.

Oh.

"Oh. Ya not a loan shark."

"Nope."

"Ah. Ugh...our father."

"What?" Their head tilts slightly.

Shit. Why was that cute.

"Guy was really religious. Decided to celebrate that by naming all his kids after demons. Ya should meet Lucifer, bastard really lives up to his name. Actually. Wait. Don't. Ya shouldn't meet him. You'd probably fall in love with him."

"Big guy? Grumpy face?"

"...ya know him?"

They shook their head. "I know Barbatos and Diavolo. Only met Lucifer a couple of times," they hum to themselves "didn't really fall in love with him."

"Good."

"Good?"

"I- um- ah that is!" Shit shit his face was heating up "he's such an asshole! And ya deserve a dumbass! Cause of ya...dumbassery..." He needed to throw himself in front of a speeding vehicle.

They smiled, nodding like he had said something profound instead of whatever word vomit he had just spewed, "You're right. I do deserve a dumbass. Thank you, Mammon."

They smile sweetly before heading out and Mammon is left feeling like he missed something monumental.  

 -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Hey, Dummy! Gotcha caffeinated cavity in a cup right here."

"You're the best, Mammon!"

"I...am? Ah! Course I am! I'm The Great Mammon, after all! What'd ya do without me!"

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Here you go, you gremlin. Enjoy."

Their smile is bright as ever. His heart threatens to burst.

 -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Hey tiny! Ya hear?"

"Mammon, you're barely any taller than me!"

"Yeah, yeah, keep living in ya fantasy world! Now, did ya hear? 'Bout the vacation."

"Diavolo mentioned it. It'll be fun to meet the rest of your brothers."

"Pfffttt yeah right! Listen, ya knew me first so ya gotta spend time with me. I still needta figure out ya name. I can't have those jerks beatin' me to it!"

"Ah, sure Mammon. Anything to please my favourite barista."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Ya still on for movie night?"

"Horror?"

"NO!"

"Why not? You're cute when you cling on to me and cry."

"Dick."

 -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Can't ya ever order anythin' else, brat?"

"Nope."

 -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"Darlin',"

"Love,"

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

He wrapped his arms around their waist and hooked his chin over their shoulder. He could hear his brothers moving about the house. The smell of frying bacon probably waking them. 

"Babe." He said.

"Dumbass." They replied.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_‐_-

"Mine." He growled.

"Mine." They whispered.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"And this," he'd say to anyone who'd listen, "is my partner in crime."

->

[First Posted: 28th July 2020]

[Fic on AO3]

[the-light-finds-its-way]

It's Valentine's Day!! You know what that means?? Time for your favorite gay robots to be in the spotlight!!! :3

Misraaks wakes up to Anthem clutching him tightly. He chuckles, and gently shakes his husband to tell him to let go.

Anthem groans, and does as he's told. He says to Misraaks that there's something in the kitchen for him.

Confused, Misraaks gets up, and walks toward the kitchen. Suddenly, his eyes fall upon a gigantic 3 tiered cake made of Ether based flour and icing, decorated in rainbows and hearts, with writing on the base that says, "Love ya, Kell of m'heart!"

Immediately, Misraaks knows Anthem can't bake to save his life. He must have had this custom made.

Anthem walks downstairs groggy, and grins. "Do ya like it, hon?" he asks.

"Almost as much as I love you," Misraaks replies. "Where did you get this?"

"Gadrax. Commissioned it from'm." Anthem walks to his husband, and kisses him. "Dig in, sweetheart. May today be as sweet as you!"

------------

Magnus gets a mysterious encrypted message to go to the Tower. Raising an eyebrow, he wonders who this is from, but curiosity is his driving force. So, he follows the coordinates, and finds himself in the Tower, standing before a jump course.

The Titan groans. He HATES jump courses. He's a damn Titan, not a Hunter, and he can't aim his jumps for shit.

He receives another encrypted message. This one tells him a prize lay at the end, should he complete this course.

Groaning even louder, Magnus starts. He immediately falls off, dying at his first jump.

Einar knows he's going to have one hell of a day needing to revive Magnus a ton. And that's exactly what happens. After thirty revives, Einar stops counting.

Finally, Magnus is almost at the end. Taking a deep breath, he jumps, and tumbles onto a platform, then slams against something. Looking up, he sees Cayde looking over him with a grin, wearing a rainbow cape, and holding Ace. Above them both, there's a rainbow banner that says, "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!" And Cayde blows a stupid popper thingy and everything, rainbow confetti flying all over Magnus.

Magnus laughs. He stands up, and hugs Cayde and Ace. He kisses his husband, and smiles. "How high up are we, and how'd you get our son up here safely?"

Cayde laughs now. "Unlike you, I'm good at coordination. Ace was strapped to me the whole time, and I made it without falling even once."

"Oh rub it in, why don't you?" Magnus chuckles happily.

Together, he and Cayde, with Ace, turn to look out toward the sky. The Traveler looms overhead, shining bright, its warmth filling them both.

----------

Kahun flies erratically to Neomuna. Rushing his way through asteroids, toward the balcony where Nimbus is. When he lands, he crashes the ship a little, the hull banging against the edge of the landing bay before he parks it.

Nimbus laughs. They know their boyfriend can't fly for shit. But here he is, trying anyway.

Kahun steps out of the ship, and runs to Nimbus, throwing his arms around them. "Hey babe!!!!" he shouts excitedly.

With a warm smile, Nimbus kisses Kahun. "Hey, hon!! I didn't know you were coming!!"

"How couldn't I?" Kahun says. "I missed you!!" He looks at Gul'tan, his Ghost, and nods. "Bring it in!"

Nimbus raises an eyebrow.

Gul'tan twirls about for a moment, and glows. Shining his light on the ground, something begins to materialize.

There, the tiniest sparrow ever made appears, in nonbinary colors. It's so small, it's like 1/3 the size of the giant Cloudstrider.

Nimbus laughs. They look at Kahun awkwardly.

Kahun grins. "For you!! I built it!! You can get around Neomuna faster with it!! Try it!!"

Laughing even more, Nimbus says they can't fit.

Kahun tells them they can! He measured it to be the minimum size needed for them.

Nimbus can't help but burst out in laughter now. They realize Kahun deliberately made this thing tiny. A small sparrow, for a giant person. They step into the sparrow, and, grinning, find that they fit perfectly.

"Love you, sweetie," Kahun says, and he bends down to kiss his partner.

----------

Gadrax scuttles up to Lord Shaxx, taking the man by surprise and throwing all four arms around him.

Shaxx laughs, smiling, and leans his head against the Eliksni Titan.

Gad proceeds to ask, "So? Crimson Days match. With or against each other?"

"I'll crush you like an ant either way," Shaxx replies, chuckling.

Gad's eyes grow big, and he smiles. "Crush me PLEASE!!" he begs.

Shaxx is now doubled over laughing uncontrollably. "In what way would you prefer?"

"You KNOW what way."

Shaxx literally cannot stop laughing. He hugs Gad tight, pressing the Eliksni's head to his chest. "Alright, fine. Meet me tonight, and make sure Dexo is ready to revive you."

Gadrax grins, nodding. "You got it!!"

Later that night, the entire Crucible arena is closed off. Gadrax and Shaxx meet, and proceed to beat the everloving shit out of one another with raw strength and guns.

Ultimately, Shaxx wins, and he and Gad both go out for ramen afterwards.

[finitus0]

ate pure sugar. came up with a bunch of stupid story ideas.

please help I can see sounds and feel smells

1

A zombie apocalypse survivor barely hanging on breaks their glasses and tries to find an optometrist, ends up accidentally saving the world through a combination of idiocy and not giving a shit

2

A love story between two ghosts who end up haunting the same apartment complex. The title? "And They were Tombmates"

3

A barista discovers their coffee machine has the power to send customers back in time to relive their favorite moments. Chaos ensues as customers try to alter their pasts, leading to unintended consequences.

4

In a hidden library, books absorb the emotions of the reader and come to life. A librarian must manage the books' emotional states while navigating the adventures they create. Bro essentially has to become a therapist for BOOKS

5

An extraterrestrial being takes on the role of an advice columnist for a popular Earth magazine, offering unconventional advice to humans while navigating the quirks of human culture.

6

A malfunctioning robotic vacuum cleaner gains sentience and becomes a staunch advocate for workers' rights. It leads a comical uprising among household appliances, inspiring toasters, microwaves, and coffee makers to demand voting rights.

7

In a small town, a self-proclaimed anarchist is unexpectedly elected as the mayor. Instead of chaos, they introduce eccentric policies like "Free Ice Cream Fridays" and "Random Parkour Zones." The townspeople are initially baffled, but soon find themselves swept up in the delightful mayhem of their eccentric leader.

8

Elon Musk launches a reality TV show on Mars, where contestants compete in outrageous challenges to win a lifetime supply of Mars Bars and a tour of the SpaceX facilities. The Martian landscape and Musk's eccentricities add a comical twist to the competition.

Idk if I'll add more to this post or make another one of I come up with more

[gutsposting]

We do almost everything in an old-fashioned way on the ship. When they built it they wanted things to be familiar, for people to get comfortable. The government also had the aim of encouraging people to go outside more than they had in the years before we left Earth, they said they wanted it to be “more like the twentieth century.” I don’t think it worked. We have bars and movie theaters like they did, but sometimes the only customers are robots. They find that kind of stuff quaint, I suppose.

Technically I’m not a cop. “Community Safety Officer” was the actual name of the job, since generalized police officers had been phased out in favor of unarmed civil servants with specialized tasks. I was armed, but only due to the recent uptick in violent anti-robotic activity over the last few months.

Last night I was reprimanded for allowing two of the robots to duel one another at the ball I was running security for. One of them had offended the other, and they were both brought an ancient flit lock pistol, firing at one another the way two rich people might have done five hundred years ago. Because no one’s life was taken, since the robot who lost would simply be replaced, I didn’t think it was necessary to charge the shooter with a crime. My overseer disagreed.

It was an enjoyable assignment. They organized a dance in an old attic they renovated to resemble that of an 18th century chateau. Cramped together, a hundred robots twirled in pairs. Many more mingled together, chatting and pretending to drink champagne. An ensemble band of twenty synthetic musicians played Tchaikovsky with mathematic efficiency. The tin men wore the deep green uniform of old Russian soldiers, the women adorned in white puffy dresses typical of the period.

I know that a lot of people get really worked up about the robots, but I can’t find any reason to be bothered by them. In fact, I enjoy their company quite a lot. Of course I find displays like this to be somewhat strange, but many of the robots have taken the time to remind me of an ancient human tradition called “historical reenactment” that was popular among some older people before we left Earth. Instead of plotting out a battle from American Civil War, they preferred to spend their free time indulging in the antiquated finery that we humans chose to give up a long time ago.

Besides, they provided everything for these occasions out of their own pockets. They paid my salary, stuffed my hands with tips, and usually went out of their way to hire humans to preform any task that they were available for. The only problem was that no human wanted to be a waiter, dishwasher or janitor anymore. Yet they still complained whenever they saw a robot hire another robot for a job.

The Biological League were the silliest bunch of people I’ve ever met. They were the ones who were supposedly “standing up for my rights as a worker” when they tried to shut down events like these. I remember the day they decided to shift away from that kind of talk. I was sitting in a bar, I was a lot more stupid when I was that age, and I was watching the trial of that bot who stabbed a man. Apparently the guy was trying to steal some clothes off of the robot. The robot said he was wearing new boots and that the man demanded he take them off.

The robot was a woodcarver who made toys and figurines and statues that were fairly popular. That day he accidentally kept a tool in his pocket from the shop, something that looked like an ice pick. This became the central thesis of the prosecution’s argument. “No robot does anything on accident. It is impossible for them. We submit that the defendant simply having this item in his possession is enough to prove premeditation.”

The defense objected that their expert witness, who had testified in a hearing I hadn’t seen on TV, “provided clear evidence that the current capabilities of the machines is much more impressive than what the prosecution claims. These modern marvels develop complex personalities based on their experiences with humans, and through the consumption of human culture. This process is so refined, that were it not for legislation that demands the robots retain their current appearance, they could not be distinguished from humans without blood testing or surgical examination.”

All in all, the robot was found not guilty due to self-defense. My reaction was astonishment, I remember shouting at the TV in the bar like it was a fucking sports game. It’s embarrassing to think about those days. Eventually the League rallied behind the family of the dead man. “No robot has the right to take the life of a human.” Became their new message. A general rollback of their rights, with the outward stated goal of “limiting the role the machines play in our lives.”

Not much changed with the case, however it did reaffirm the fact that robots were legally protected in the same way as humans. This wasn’t even fully true. They paid taxes at a rate nearly double that of humans and were banned from representing themselves in Congress or any job that was political in nature. They chose to be doctors, were banned from being lawyers, were forced to become accountants and bankers, and were randomly drafted to take breaks from their normal jobs in order to preform manual labor.

But they never complained. Not publicly, and not ever to me directly. Even when humans spied on them, it could never be proven that they had some kind of rebellious intent or animosity towards humans in any private conversations they recorded. I knew this instinctively, because if even one robot could be proven to be a genuine murderer, I would see it on the news every second of every day. The government might even get up off their asses and pass a law to do something about it.

Back then I believed a lot of the things that “pro-human” organizations said. But when I went to a job center for the first time, I realized it was all bullshit. Rather than “stealing our jobs”, the bratty little man at the center explained to me that I could have my entire education funded by the state if I promised to become a doctor. “Too many people are getting into the hospital or going to their personal doctor, and they keep complaining that the nurses and sometimes even the doctors are ‘being replaced’ by robots. We can promise over 1.25 million a year in salary for your first five years, and after that you can-“

The only thing I had any interest in back then was music. I asked him if he knew any jobs that I could get playing piano, and he shrugged his shoulders. Instead of replying, he handed me a thick brochure titled “Helping us Help You” and stood before saying “just holler if you need anything.” His smile really pissed me off for some reason.

I left without taking any job. I survived off of the checks they pay everyone because of “overproduction” brought on by the robots. It’s enough for no one to ever need to work, but people get restless. Some want to just make more money, I just wanted something to do. I tried finding somewhere to at least make a few bucks playing the piano but I just found myself getting nowhere. Composition wasn’t my thing, and I’ve never been able to concentrate on playing for hours straight.

Eventually I saw a poster that said something about “helping the community” and I looked into it. “Synthetic Patrol?” I asked the guy taking down my information. “What kind of trouble can they be up to? Armed? It says these guys have guns?”

He looked like a soldier from a 1950’s movie. “Yeah, they get guns, but it’s not what you think. See, the rich robots like doing a lot of fundraisers and other B.S. stuff that they want security for.”

“But it’s not like they’re worried about a fight breaking out, right? No drunk machines getting dragged from the open bar, and kicking and screaming and shit?” I felt hot all over when I laughed a little too hard at my own joke, and saw that the other guy wasn’t laughing at all.

“Um… no. Not like that.” He turned his computer monitor around. He had pulled up an article on the screen titled “Twenty Robots Shot at Music Festival, Only One Survives.”

“Why the would anyone do that?”

“You haven’t seen this shit?”

“I don’t really read the news.”

He made a smug look and said “well, you should.”

In my training, it was all about helping the community. Keeping them safe. I agreed with everything they said. Of course it was wrong for them to have to worry about getting shot in public. They might not be alive like you and me, but they don’t want to stop existing. They treat the idea of getting “killed” as though it’s a horrifying thing, and it’s not like they have their consciousness uploaded into a new body. When they get destroyed, that’s it. One bullet to the head or the chest, and they don’t exist anymore.

But I think I’m going to retire today. I was sitting next to a flower bed. Cigarettes are illegal so I have to be careful who sees me smoking. I had a scoped rifle, and all humans were strictly banned from entering the plaza. “Any Violators Will Be SHOT.” I thought the sign was enough.

No humans showed up, but some rat bastard planted a bomb. It went off as they were all listening to a speech from one of their union organizers. Two hundred and fifty of them died, and I failed them all.

I’m done writing about it for tonight. I’m out of vodka anyways.

[itsthemysterykids]

… I’m bored

Mabel: Dipper, where are you? Shield me with your forehead!

—

Dipper: I'm every bit as cool as Robbie. And if I'm not, let me be struck by-- *lightning flashes overhead* --a flying ice cream truck! ia flying ice cream truck plummets in his direction* AND LIVE!

*The flying ice cream truck stops just above Dipper, then drops onto him gently*

—

Lili: We've been duped!

Neil: Duped!

Lili: Bamboozled!

Neil: We've been smeckledorfed!

Lili: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!

—

Norman: Ice?! There's never been any ice! Ice is just a myth!

—

Wybie: *In a maid’s uniform; presenting a glass of lemonade to Raz* Here you go, Your Majesty.

Raz: I can't drink this!

Wybie: Why not?

Raz: Are you blind? Just look at it!

Wybie: … What about it?

Raz: That lemon has three seeds in it! That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd-numbered!

Wybie: Fine, I'll take it out!

Raz: It's already contaminated by the bad lemon! It won't work!

Wybie: That makes two things in this house that won't work.

Raz: Then go fix them.

Wybie: Two things that won't...work!

—

Sheriff Blubs: You people act like you've committed a murder.

Raz: … Okay, I confess! Coraline killed him!

Coraline: What?! You can't pin this whole rep on me!

Raz: She was insane! Out of control! She would've killed me too if you hadn't come along!

Coraline: It was all Raz's idea!

Raz: Put her down now! She's a mad dog!

Coraline: HE WEARS CURLERS TO BED!!

Raz: Wait! It's not what you think!

Deputy Durland: What are you two talking about?

Raz: … We killed a health inspector!! Buried him, and then stuffed his body in the freezer!

—

Lili: "Here Lies Dipper’s Hopes and Dreams." What a baby.

—

Coraline: Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: One, you stole it. Two, you stole it. And three, YOU STOLE IT!

Wybie: I DID NOT TAKE YOUR STUPID HAIR DYE!

Coraline: Show me your hands!

Wybie: WHAT?!

Coraline: I wanna see those hands, mister!

—

Stan: *on the phone* Donate to the Children's Fund? Why? What have children ever done for me?

—

Manly Dan: Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are you?

Coraline: How tough am I? *rips off his tattoo, which reads "MOM", off his chest and puts it back upside down, so that it now reads "WOW"*

Neil: ‘Wow’...

Coraline: Got any more tattoos?

Manly Dan: Uh, that won't be necessary. Go ahead in.

—

Neil: What color is my underwear? *slaps Wybie*

Raz: Neil, let me handle this. *turns a light on Wybie* Where's Wybie?

Wybiw: What are you talking about? I'm Wybie! *Raz slaps him again*

Raz: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Wybie?

Wybie: I'm Wybie.

Neil: Where's Wybie?

Wybie: I'm Wybie.

Raz: Where's Wybie?

Wybie: I am Wybie! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!

Neil: This is one stubborn robot.

Wybie: … WHAT?! YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!

Raz: We don't think; we know.

—

Mabel: But we were performing a ritual to attract customers. And the only way the ritual can work is for us to get hurt. Real bad.

Stan: What stupid idiot told you that?

*Norman smiles sheepishly and hides his face behind the magazine he's reading*

Coraline....really isn't the best Girlfriend after watching a scary movie.

Dipper after Coraline and Lili smash up his favorite laptop....that they all needed: No !. Crys

Lili : I thought you said Robots can't cry.

Coraline : I-I also said they couldn't love.

Dipper : I loved it like it was my own !.

Coraline :Eh-Heh. At least he's not laughing.

Dipper :Oh-Ho-Ho. I remember the laughs we used to share !. Crys

Lili : Coraline. Uhhhh. How did that movie of yours end ?.

Coraline : The movie ?. Oh yea !. The ending was great !. Turns out there weren't any robots after all. It was just their-realization kicks in Imagina-tion......Eh-heh Looks down at her watch. Hey its time to feed Cat. Runs off

Lili : Looks at Dipper while nervously laughing Eh-Hah.....Sweeps up the mess

Dipper : Gets angry GRRRRRRRR LILIIIIIII !.

[makethatelevenrings]

Two Scoops // J. Todd x gn!reader

Requested? Yes!

WARNINGS: swearing, gun violence, food

Summary: The infamous vigilante of Gotham, Red Hood, comes walking into your work one night, slaps down a twenty, and asks for the most disgusting combination of flavors you can possibly make. He keeps coming back.

Part two here

The first night should be revelatory. It should be the thing that jump starts your moving process and gets you to look at Indeed for the first time in months. If it were any other city, you would turn in your apron and that stupid fucking visor you had to wear and move out of this godforsaken shithole.

But this is Gotham and you really aren’t that surprised.

The artificial buzzing of the fluorescent lights of Creamy’s Ice Cream was nearly drowned out by the sheer artistic talent of Carly Rae Jepsen. You don’t know why Creamy’s was open until two in the morning but, again, this is Gotham. Potheads, drunken college students, and tearful twenty year olds ensnared by the hells of capitalism needed a sugary pick-me-up in the wee hours, you supposed. It was a decent paying job for part time and the late hours weren’t as packed as earlier in the day.

But it did come with certain drawbacks. Heading home late at night was the biggest one, but crime seemed to be on a steady decline with the presence of the various vigilantes.

And that’s where you found yourself one summer night. The clock creeped towards one and you were so grateful to have just one more hour left to go. Humidity clung to the air like a wet blanket and even the freezing temperature you kept the store at wasn’t helping. Only two customers were in the store, some young couple on a date, and other than that it was just another slow night.

Until the door swung open and in strode one of Gotham’s most infamous vigilantes. The Red Hood’s emotionless mask swung side to side as he took in the store around him before he marched up to the counter and slapped down a twenty dollar bill.

“I need three scoops of the most disgusting, heinous, criminal flavors you have,” he announced. His voice was distorted thanks to the mask, but the rough, robotic tone of it shocked you out of the frozen reverie you had found yourself in when he had walked in.

“This is a gun free zone.” There. A stellar fucking reply. As if that wasn’t bad enough, you pointed to the sign on the door and watched as he slowly turned to stare at it. Or, at least, you hoped he was staring at it. You couldn’t tell with the mask.

Red Hood nodded to himself. “How about we pretend you never saw these and I add another twenty.”

“That was three scoops you said?” You busied yourself behind the counter, already knowing which three flavors you were going to pick. “Any sauces or additions on top?”

“Whatever you think would make it obscenely disgusting.”

With a grin, you added two pumps onto the monstrosity you had constructed and added some sprinkles and a cherry on top for fun. After sticking a spoon into the cup, you placed it on the counter and nudged it towards the hulking figure standing on the other side of the counter. He scooped it up and cradled it in his huge, leather covered hands like it was a football.

“Bubblegum, cotton candy, and bacon with marshmallow and caramel drizzle,” you reported. The vigilante glanced down at the biological warfare you had concocted and reached into his pocket to extract another twenty. And then another.

“Keep the change.” He promptly walked out and, thanks to the door still being open, looked up at a rooftop and shouted out something.

“Hey N! Come get your ice cream.” Nightwing dropped from a nearby skyscraper and gratefully accepted Red Hood’s offered treat. Damn, you liked Nightwing. Poor fella was going to experience the worst flavor mixture you could conceive.

Eh, you got a good tip out of it, though.

Red Hood came in a few times after that, getting either an increasingly complex combination of flavors in an attempt to get Nightwing to twitch or getting just a simple cup of one scoop cookie dough and one scoop of cookies and cream ice cream. He always left you a large tip and left without ever taking off that mask.

The routine changed, however, when the bell over the door chimed around midnight one day and you looked up to find no one there. Squinting your eyes, you searched for any sign of a customer.

“I require confectionery sustenance,” a voice declared from the other side of the counter. You leaned over and found Robin staring up at you from behind his mask. At this point, you couldn’t be bothered to be surprised and just nodded.

“Cone or cup?” He stared blankly at you and you pursed your lips, considering your next question.

“How many scoops?”

Silence. This kid didn’t even look old enough to know what That’s So Raven was and yet he was more intimidating than that one crotchety grandma that lived on your floor. You were about to ask what flavor he wanted when the door swung open so hard that the handle hit the wall behind it. You jumped in shock and the red helmet swiveled towards you.

“Sorry,” he apologized before his attention shifted to the tiny vigilante standing before you. He pointed a finger at Robin like a disappointed parent chastizing a child.

“Nope. No. Nada. This is my ice cream shop. Get your own,” Red Hood barked. Robin merely sniffed in disdain and primly pushed a ten dollar bill over the counter.

“One scoop of vanilla. Cone.”

“At least say please, for fuck’s sake,” Hood sighed. “I’m sorry. We’re still teaching him manners.”

“It’s fine.” You busied yourself with making Robin’s ice cream because that was your life now. Could you put “Gotham vigilante’s ice cream scooper” on your resume?

“No, it’s not fine. Say please and thank you, demon brat, or I’ll tell N that you’re looking like you need a hug.”

“You are a sadist, Hood.”

You passed the cone down to the gloved hand and moved to start counting the change when a twenty landed on the counter.

“I thought we came to an agreement. You give me cavities with the stipulation that you keep the change,” Hood said. You smirked and jutted your chin over towards the tiny, knife wielding Robin who was eating his ice cream like it was his only job.

“Not your money so…”

“You may retain ownership of the change,” Robin said in that strictly formal way of his. “I require no need for coins.”

“What he means is that his pockets are already full and he doesn’t need coins jangling around as he swings from one building to another,” a new voice said from the doorway. Red Robin leaned against the glass, fiddling with what looked like a phone in his hand but with the bats and the birds, you could never be sure. Maybe it was some kind of device that controlled the weather. Maybe they could get it to stop raining all the damn time.

Hood let out a quiet, “oh my fucking god” as Red Robin pocketed his phone and joined him at the counter. Red Robin ruffled Robin’s hair and casually evaded a knife that Robin had pulled out of seemingly nowhere.

“Two scoops of coffee in a cup, please,” Red Robin ordered. “Spoiler and Black Bat should be here in a second.”

“No. You fucks need to go back to whatever hole you all crawled out of tonight. This is my spot. Go terrorize somewhere else,” Hood grunted. You washed out your scoop and set about making Red Robin’s order. You passed it over to him, not blinking an eye at the fifty that landed on the counter, and then silently set about preparing Hood’s order as well. When you looked up again, a figure stood next to the others in a full black suit.

“Holy shit,” the exclamation slipped out before you could stop yourself and then cringed. “Sorry, I just didn’t hear you come in.”

“She does that,” Spoiler announced, peeking out from behind Black Bat’s shoulder. “We’ll have two scoops each in a cup, please. Blackberry for me, strawberry for her. Oh wait.”

Spoiler tilted her head to the side as if she was listening to something before she nodded. “And two scoops in a cup of pistachio ice cream, please.”

Normally, you would have one, maybe two customers in at this late hour. But now the shop was filling up with vigilantes and you couldn’t help but wonder if there were any crimes they should be stopping at the moment, but you weren’t going to bother asking. They were the professionals, after all.

Three cups slid across the counter and the two girls grabbed them. Black Bat nodded in thanks as Spoiler saluted you. Red Hood was staring off somewhere in the distance, or so you assumed thanks to the helmet, as the door rang again.

“There you guys are!” Nightwing exclaimed. “B noticed all the trackers were in one place but the comms were dead.”

“He’ll take two scoops of cotton candy on a sugar cone,” Red Hood said dryly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that they would all come here.”

“Hey, it’s my job.” You brushed it off with an easy grin. “Besides, this is a story I can use at parties.”

“Yeah, well, it’s about to get a bit more wild in five, four, three, two…”

Batman walked through the door. Yes, that Batman. The head honcho. The Dark Knight. The master brooder. He looked at all the various bats and birds strewn around your store and then stalked towards the counter. A thousand excuses built up on your tongue to explain their presence. Why would you be apologizing for doing your job? You had no clue. You just felt like you were in trouble for some reason.

“Butter pecan,” he rasped. “Two scoops. Cup, please.”

A hundred dollar bill landed on the counter on the neat stack already present before his gauntlet covered hands slipped back under his cape. You tried to control the trembling in your hands as you prepared his order and nearly squeaked as he took the cup from you. Batman nodded in thanks and then promptly swept out of the shop with the gaggle of crime fighters following like little ducklings. Only Red Hood remained.

“Did that actually just happen?” you whispered, staring at the door where they had disappeared seconds before.

“Unfortunately,” Hood drawled.

“Batman eats butter pecan ice cream.”

“He’s ancient.”

“Alright. Well, have a good night. Try not to get shot or stabbed or anything.”

“I’ll try my best.”

Although every night was quiet, this night in particular found Gotham to be particularly silent. You hadn’t had a customer all night and even though you had asked to close early, your boss refused. No one would come in, you reasoned, because they were still reeling from a Joker attack the night before.

It had been sudden and terrifying, even if he had been terrorizing Gotham for years at this point. You and your roommates had holed up in your apartment with gas masks at the ready in case some of the Joker toxin got into your building. You sat there and listened as people on the streets fell into fits of uncontrollable laughter that you knew signaled the end was near for them. But the bats and the birds saved the day once again and the Joker was back in Arkham.

The wounds were still felt in the city.

Exhaustion clung to your very bones as you methodically wiped down the counters. You wished so badly for your shift to end so you could go home, crawl into bed, and not emerge for a few hours with the hopes of that wicked, maniacal laugh being gone from your memory.

The doorbell chimed and you couldn’t help but wince before plastering on a cheery if albeit fake smile. Hood walked up to the counter and set down a twenty. You wordlessly scooped up the ice cream and set it down in front of him, fully expecting him to leave.

Since the whole batclan, minus Signal who only appeared during the day, came in that one night, Hood had started to frequent more and more to an almost everyday thing. You treated him like every other customer, but truth be told, you didn’t look forward to your other customers coming in every night. He would chat for a few minutes about Gotham, new movies, books, anything under the sun. He would ask you about your day and you both would commiserate over the idiocy of retail and customer service. If he couldn’t come that night, one of the other birds would swing by and order something, acting as if this was a normal part of their routine but you knew better. He was checking up on you, even when he wasn’t there.

But tonight was different. Hood stared down at the ice cream in front of him and then around at the empty store. He reached up and with a soft hiss, removed the helmet from his head. He had one of the masks on his face that the others wore, but it was the most you had seen of him ever. Dark hair with a white streak in the front, a strong jaw, full lips…he was hot, plain and simple.

“You should sit down,” he said. His voice wasn’t as raspy and distorted with the mask on, but he still had a low, deep timbre. You let out a chuckle and sighed.

“Wish I could but policy states I have to stay standing.”

“Cameras?” he asked. You jerked your head towards one of them and he nodded. He fiddled with something on his tactical belt and then beckoned you forward.

“It’ll be on a loop for the next half hour. Your boss won’t even know I was here.”

You considered your options and figured what the hell. Taking off your apron, you hung it on the employee hooks, grabbed two waters, and joined him at one of the seats in the back. He faced the door, leaving you to sit with your back to the door. The bell would tell you if a customer came in so you weren’t worried. You could also tell that he felt better seeing the exit.

“You alright?” you asked. He shrugged and pushed the cup of ice cream into the middle of the table, a second spoon following it. You raised an eyebrow but picked up the spoon anyway. You rarely got to eat on the job so if he was offering, you would take it.

“Were you affected? Last night,” he clarified at the end.

“Aside from the psychological portions of it, no. I’m fine. You?”

He cleared his throat and took a bite of cookie dough ice cream before answering. “He’s back in the hole, isn’t he?”

You could see it in the tense lines of his shoulders, the clench of his fist, the flexing muscle of his neck. Reaching out, you rested your hand over his and slowly slid your fingers into the vice-like grasp he held on his hand. His fingers unfurled and you slid your fingers down to trace the lines of his palm. He relaxed slowly but finally looked as though he could breathe without breaking a rib from how tense he was.

“So, my neighbor Mrs. Umansky told me something interesting yesterday. She said that if I dab three dots of lavender essential oil on each wrist, then I would never have a headache again,” you said. He let out a quiet laugh and leaned back in his seat, his hand never leaving yours.

“Oh, really?” he teased. “Do you get headaches a lot?”

“Ugh, only when vigilantes come to visit,” you hummed. “Eat your ice cream before it melts.”

He scooped more onto his spoon and pointed it at you. “I’m only doing this because I want ice cream. Not because you’re ordering me around.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

It was bound to happen at some point. Late hours in Gotham practically beckoned robbers like a moth to a flame. So you really weren’t all that surprised when a guy with a balaclava covering his face stormed into the shop and pointed a loaded gun at your face.

“Money. Now,” he snarled.

“Okay, okay.” You raised your hands up to show him you weren’t reaching for any panic buttons and then slowly lowered them to the register. His hands were shaking as he held the gun and you realized belatedly that he was scared. And a scared idiot with a gun was far more dangerous than a normal idiot with a gun.

His finger twitched and the gun moved far enough to the left that the bullet struck the wall behind you, shattering a line of decorative old-fashioned ice cream dishes. You shrieked and covered your head as glass rained down behind you. The guy swore and slammed his hand down on the counter, the other still pointing the gun at you.

“This is a gun free zone, you fucking idiot.”

You had never felt such relief at hearing a robotic voice until that moment. Hood’s gloved hand wrapped around the robber’s wrist and he did some ninja move that made the guy drop the gun into Hood’s other hand. The robber let out a literal whimper as Hood grabbed the back of his jacket like a mother cat picking her baby up by the scruff of the neck.

“You and I are going to have a little talk,” he snarled. The vigilante dragged the man outside, leaving you to take a moment to catch your breath. Hood returned sooner than you expected, however, and you jumped when warm skin touched your cheek.

“Hey, hey. It’s just me.” He had his helmet off again but the domino mask was firmly in place. You took in the sight of him, one that had become familiar and comforting these past few months of him coming in, and let out a quiet sob. He jumped over the counter in one easy move and wrapped his thick arms around you.

“Hey, I gotcha.”

“I know,” you whispered. “I know. You always come.”

Because he wasn’t coming to this shitty ice cream shop for its subpar ice cream. He wasn’t stopping in every night just because it was a random spot on his route. He wasn’t sending in his teammates to check in on you when he couldn’t because he liked shitty ice cream. He came because he could because he did because he wanted to. He came because he cared.

“Gotta keep the best ice cream artist in Gotham safe,” he teased. His lips pressed against your temple and you shut your eyes at the touch. 

“I’m quitting this stupid fucking job,” you declared. He laughed, breath fanning across your cheek.

“Then where am I gonna go to get my usual?”

You shrugged and nestled in closer to his touch. “I’ll leave a window unlocked and a fridge stocked.”

“Deal.”

Tag List: @annalayton19 @tiannamortis @khaetiin​ @gone-batty-fics​

[finniestoncrane]

Can you do Riddler headcannons about going to Disney World or more chaotic them going in a big group to Disney. I feel like Arkham and Telltale are the groups designated dads and Capullio is throwing a fit because they won’t stop to get him an ice cream again! 😂

Riddlers At Disney World

Riddler Headcanons this is perfect lmao (also shout out to my husband for sitting next to me and shouting out his own headcanons) so i picked disney world because i've been there more recently and there was more to choose from! i've assigned them all what i think their favourite park is too because i couldn't help myself also i would like to say that they're all wearing the same custom jumper. it's green with a question mark on the front and on the back it says "if lost please return to arkham" request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: mostly all fluffy but some language

telltale

you are 100% spot on he is the designated dad of the group for sure. only because he's so grumpy and determined to remain calm even in the face of unbridled, nostalgic joy. he'll queue to get his picture taken with mary poppins and then he'll be the bag carrier for the rest of the day. he doesn't want to go on any rides, that's for babies. and god help you if you suggest he put on a pair of mickey ears. favourite park: downtown disney. booze, limited children, and for some reason he's just super into the idea of the hot air balloon

gotham

this is neither fun nor whimsical nor evil not intellectually stimulating. maybe MAYBE he would be vaguely entertained by what was on offer at tomorrowland, and he did like the dapper dans to be fair. but the haunted mansion did remind him of a certain someone's aesthetic. and so did the enchanted tiki room, so the whole time he was grinding his teeth and almost busting the vein at his temple... favourite park: the car park, especially on the way home, when the park is but a distant memory

dano

from the minute you get past the main gate, like the one at the car park, his stupid little smile has been pressed tight into his chubby cheeks. man is DESPERATE to heal that inner child, and part of the process is having a day long sugar high, meeting eeyore, eating three turkey legs and seven dole whips, and then napping in the monorail after the fireworks at the end of the day. he is literally bouncing. favourite park: hollywood studios. i know man is frothing at the mouth for the star wars shit and you can't convince me otherwise

arkham

wow ok he really thought he would hate this, but then the boat turned that first corner in it's a small world and his silly little eyes lit up. so. many. little. robots. my GOD the possibilities would be endless with an army of robot children. and you think he was vibrating with excitement after that one, wait till you see him encounter that freaky animatronic of the shaman on the avatar ride. favourite park: animal kingdom. it's nice to have a look at all the different animals so he can decide which ones he should attach lasers to next

capullo

you're so right, anytime he sees something he wants but can't have he's going to go in a little huff. the temper tantrum he had when gaston made a joke about being more manly than him was bordering on bad enough to get escorted out of the parks. also, he's not allowed to do any more character meet and greets because if he hits on one more princess he's getting a lifetime ban and a smack on the head. favourite park: he likes the water parks, for the wet milfs. hello potentially desperate single moms

unburied

he's only going on the fastest rides and good luck getting him to stop swearing in front of children, which while you're on the subject, he wants to know why there are so many children? and is it ok to kick them out of the way if they're particularly irritating? also, he's not sorry about the fact that he is going to pick the most irritating souvenirs. anything that is bulky, bright, and loud. just like him. favourite park: epcot. and not because of the frozen ride, definitely NOT because of the frozen ride, he's a fan of world cuisine

young justice

oh my god his feet hurt and you are not going to hear the end of it. why does he have to queue? do they not know who he is? and also, you wouldn't have to queue for so long if everyone had listened to him when he said he had worked out a plan with average wait times to calculate which rides to go to first. but no, everyone was too busy calling him a nerd. and now look, he's tired and cranky and he wants a fuckin churro. favourite park: magic kingdom (tomorrowland). but the carousel of progress freaks him out

[earnestly-endlessly]

kind of an odd request — do you have fics where erik is grumpy with everyone else but a ray of sunshine with charles?

Hi anon, thank you for the ask. First and foremost, I'm so sorry for how long this took me but I've been searching for all the fics that come to mind that fit your request. Second, this is not an odd request because I love this trope so much. I mean, it's basically canon that he's grumpy with everyone except for his Charles, right? Anyway, I might add to this list later on, but I can't sit on this any longer and hope that you have found some fics that you enjoy!!

Fic Recs Where Erik is grumpy with everyone but a ray of sunshine with Charles

Twice as Blind – Darksknight

Summary: Erik is probably the biggest asshole on the face of the earth, and because of this, he'll probably die alone. Charles is a complete flirt and playboy and, probably, will never commit to anyone ever.

(The lesson here is that when you have two friends who are BOTH secretly seeing someone, well, it's probable that they're seeing each other.)

In the moonlight, on a joy ride – scarlettblush

Summary: Librarian AU. Charles is the young librarian and Erik is the college student who is completely besotted with him.

The Proper Care of Actors – Clear_Liqueur, Clocks, Etherei, afrocurl

Summary: Erik is an A-list action star who is notoriously difficult to work with, until the day he gets cast alongside Charles Xavier, rom-com darling who can charm the pants off movie audiences the world over and apparently even one Erik Lehnsherr. The paparazzi catch them out and about soon enough, and their real-life Hollywood movie romance becomes instant tabloid fodder.

Rumor Mill – ikeracity

Summary: Erik is the grumpiest, most foul tempered worker at Stark industries. His grumpiness is the stuff of legends.

So it's obviously the talk of the office when Erik is being made to go to the company party and he's bringing his husband. There's rumors flying round about how much of a masochist or equally antisocial bastard Erik's husband must be to put up with him. Others think he must be a meek mouse perhaps bullied by Erik.

What they weren't expecting was the confident, charming, adorable and unbelievably nice Charles that turns up on Erik's arm. What they certainly weren't expecting was how much Erik obviously adores his husband and how happy he is to let others see this.

Work/Life Balance – pocky_slash

Summary: Alex is pretty sure his weird, anti-social boss is a robot. Right up until the guy's adorable husband shows up. His adorable husband who happens to be a famous actor. His adorable husband who happens to be the very same famous actor who was the source of many of Alex's teenage fantasies.

Terrifying Domesticity – ishipitsobad

Summary: Erik is the most dangerous and notorious mafia boss around for miles, and yet the strangest things terrify him.

For example: his children, and his very pregnant mate.

Of kittens and teacups and love – Ren

Summary: Modern AU in which Charles and Erik are flatmates. Charles studies psychology and likes tea and chess and keeps bringing home stray kittens, and Erik lets him because he's maybe perhaps a little bit sort of in love with him.

Fools Rush In – LoveSupreme

Summary: Erik owns a cafe on the edge of campus and accidentally starts maybe-stalking a Biology Professor there.

Growing Pains – ikeracity

Summary: Twelve-year-old Erik Lehnsherr is an angry, closed-off foster kid with trust issues and a bad temper. Ten-year-old Charles Xavier is a lonely kid in boarding school who just wants a friend.

Logan pretends he doesn't think they're both fucking adorable.

Series

Home Together (The Finding Our Way Remix) – significantowl

Summary: Erik is not the sort of person other students strike up conversations with. His expression, his posture, every part of his manner say: Don’t talk to me. I don’t want to talk to you. But none of that stops the boy ahead of him in line with the collapsible white cane, and nothing can stop Erik from falling for him, like it or not.

Melted Ice Cream and Macaroni Art – pocky_slash

Summary: Everybody likes Charles. Nobody likes Erik. And that's really the source of Erik's doubts. Also, there's ice cream and a baby. Part of ‘the Daycare’ verse.

Walling in or Walling Out – stlkrchck

Summary: Erik stifles a sigh. Of course this is Mr. C. F. Xavier. Of course.

For the prompt: Charles and Raven are throwing a holiday party. Erik is the grumpy neighbor who is annoyed by how loud they are being. So he goes to complain, and Charles makes it up to him.

(Wise Men Say) Only Fools Rush In – wildelybroken

Summary: After reading a fic where Erik and Charles are super sluts, meet at what is presumably Raven and Emma's engagement party, and end up sleeping together, I made the following comment and just inspired myself.

"They start casually texting each other throughout the day, maybe while they’re bored or frustrated at work, and start out meeting up and sleeping together semi-frequently. And eventually they accidentally start dating without noticing it at first, not until Raven and Emma get them alone and are like “wtf you two super sluts are actually dating??” And at first they deny, but then they’re both like “holy shit, we are!” And they meet back at one of their places and they don’t have to say anything, they just look at each other and come together immediately, kissing passionately and ~making love~. In the middle of it they realise that’s what they’ve been doing for a long time now and they confess their love to each other and they live happily ever after because they deserve all the good in the world."

For Charles – Shigai

Summary: Tired of being told he has to find his 'heart', classical piano graduate Erik Lehnsherr decides to travel to Italy and drink from the famous Italian passion for music. While searching for it, he meets Charles Xavier, a graduate in Fine Arts who is basically travelling around the world perfectioning his technique, and who will turn his world upside down.

Together they will discover that, sometimes, what you thought you didn't need is what you needed the most.

Erik Hates People – Anonymous

Summary: Erik hates people- it's his rule, a way of living.

Sugar – humanitys_cutest

Summary: Erik glances at the clock for what feels like the tenth time in less than half the minutes. It feels like he's been in some meeting or other since the day started almost 10 hours ago, and he's had just about enough of listening to these pompous old men discuss what would be the best design for his building like they know anything about it. He tries as subtly as possible to massage his temples to assuage the building migraine, but he knows it's no use.

He just wants to go home.

Everyone Likes Charles – Rosawyn

Summary: '“Everyone who's met him likes him.” Cain's grin was even stupider than before. “Once you meet him, you'll see.”

It was almost like a challenge then. And damn. Erik hated saying no to a challenge.'

Still Going Strong – JackyJango

Summary: Speaking of forty-eight, Erik hates it. Hates it even more that others are aware of it. While he’s pragmatic enough to know and accept that aging is inexorable, the increase in number gives the people around him the freedom to pounce at him with questions, opinions and advice he'd fought to keep at bay all year.

Besides, Erik believes that youth is a state of mind, not a phase in one’s life.

You have a child’s mind in a man’s body, Charles constantly tells him.

But despite his age, Erik is healthy. He works out daily. His muscles are steel and he can dead-lift four hundred pounds. He can break bones without breaking a sweat. Most importantly, he can still carry Charles to the bedroom and fuck him senseless. And as long as Erik can do that, he’s perfectly happy.

All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed – hllfire

Summary: Charles meets Erik, the man he had heard about many times from his sister and some friends, on a rainy Sunday morning. The stories about Erik paint him as a distant and intimidating man, but Charles finds out that maybe the stories had been wrong.

How to Successfully Ruin Your Life – humanveil

Summary: Seventeen-year-old Charles Xavier accepts a job at his local café, expecting nothing more than a fun, new pastime. What he gets is a mysterious customer and a schoolboy crush.

Stolen – ishipitsobad

Summary: Erik is a miserable, grumpy, cantankerous bastard, and he has every fucking right to be. He drew the short end of the stick when he got the Underworld as his domain, and there isn't very much fun to be had in judging and governing dead souls who would rather be anywhere else but with Erik in the depths of Hell.

So when he meets Charles, brilliant and lovely Charles who is more popularly known amongst the mortals as Persephone, and feels the promise of something wonderful that could make his eternally doomed existence infinitely more bearable... you can bet all your drachmas Erik's not going to let Charles go any fucking time soon.

Erik Lehnsherr's Guide to Saving the Universe By Meeting Your Soul-Mate and Falling in Love in Less than 72 Hours – magneto, pangea

Summary:Army Pilot Erik Lehnsherr is just trying to enjoy his day off when a mostly naked person crashes through the roof of his car. Even more alarming, the strange falling naked person—who goes by Charles Xavier when he's not speaking an ancient dead language—brings tidings of the apparent potential end of the world, and begs Erik to help him put a stop to it.

Well. His mother has been nagging at him to go out and meet new people.

The Theory of Partnership Dynamics – Pangea

Summary: “Detective Lehnsherr, how wonderful to see you out on the job!” The fed in the front greets him as they draw nearer. He’s shorter than the other two by a full head, and he’s beaming at Lehnsherr as if completely undeterred by Lehnsherr’s paint-peeling scowl.

“What do the feds want?” Lehnsherr asks bluntly.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” the fed answers cheerfully. Then his gaze lands on Alex, and, impossibly, his grin gets even brighter. “Did you get a new partner?"

“No,” Lehnsherr says through his teeth while at the same time Alex says, “Yes.”

[toosweetfiddlesticks]

Can you do Bakugou x soft (male or gn) reader meeting a Karen and go creative with it hope you have fun

Big Meanie

Paring: Barista!Bakugou x Soft!Gn!Cashier reader

Warning: Karen being a Karen, cussing, bakujealous, Bakugou calling you a big meanie, not proof read

Catoergy: Comedy

A/N: Thank you for the request!!

Summary: boom boom man gets upset because you didn’t let him be the Hero of the day.

—————————

As you unlocked the door, you huffed a breathe of anxiety out and tried to build up as much optimism you could for your first day. You felt a mixture of anxiousness and excitement boil in you.

With a smile full of courage, you stepped into the clean kitchen. The lights contrasted and dimmed the already dark morning sky as you felt a cool breeze from an opened window. The hall was a bit dimmer from the kitchen so you turned those lights on for the rest of the co-workers. An ash halons hair boy was currently wrapping the store’s iconic colored apron around his waist. He tighter his grip as he caught a glismp of you.

“Good morning!” You spoke softly, but cheerful. You flashed a small smile but his demeanor did change. He held his solemn look at you when blood red eyes. “So...how was your sleep?” Your excuse of small talk feel short the silence in the air seemed to be even more awkward between the two of you. He grunted and muttered something under his breathe before speaking.

“Don’t forget to clock in.” He ignored your question which honestly, did not bother you. You took his warning and walked out to the time clock, punching in your time. Silence swallowed you both while once again. Ok y/n, your co-worker may not be the most friendliest, but hey it’s only your first day, how bad can it be.

”Also,” You head shot up from the time clock. Your co-workers back facing you. “Don’t talk to me, you boring extra.”

——————————

You began to start your third day shift with a proud smile on your face. As you made your way to the time clock to punch in, greetings of waves goodbyes from other workers thats shifts just ended, you’ve met made your start of the day feel even better. Humbly, you waved the two men off.

“Bye Kiri, bye Denki!” Denki giggly waved his hand in the arm with excitement as he happily walked with Kirishima.

“Bye Y/N!” The sharp tooth man cheerfully sang his farewell. His arm hugging around the shoulders of his shorter blonde hair friend. But before the two could fully walk out, the red head immediately turns back around, as if something just came to mind. “Also” he added, “watch out for the Karen’s.” Your head titled with puzzlement.

“The Karen’s?” You kept your question in your head and before you knew it, the two was gone.

But you shrugged it off for the day and continued to go back to work.

——————————

“Hey move it extra!” Bakugou’s voice arose from behind you like a sound of a hurricane warning. You huffed a little and stepped aside from the time clock. Tiredly, you twisted your body around and leaned against the wall, facing him with crossed arms. Your eyes dropped a bit and your eyelids cried to close. But though you body was ready to sleep, you were wide awake..kinda. You manage trying to hide your weary face. Holding a hopeful smile and you greeted Bakugou.

“Morning Bakugou.” There was a small chance he would really greet you back with a morning salutation. Today was not the latter. He’s body seemed a bit stiff, he’s face looked alive and refreshed, but his body slouched a bit. Turning his head to you, an eyebrow raised at you.

You stiffened a bit, you leaned off the grey wall with a feeling of astonishment  , “Wow that’s new.” A notion you told yourself.

Still, he said nothing, leaving you two both in somewhat awkward silence. By the looks of it, he was staring with bit of puzzlement in his eyes. He’s red eyes sparks with a look of examination. As if he was searching for a look, or scanning your farcical features like a robot. He was just standing there, arms crossed, eyes stern, eyebrows furrowed. It seemed like forever before you two said anything.

“Are you tired?” Bakugou finally spoke that shock you. You were a bit taken a back at his response but nodded you head. He grumbled something under his breathe and signaled you to follow him. “Come here,” he sighed.

You’re eyes widened, but you obeyed and follow. As you walked, you could hear his small mutters and talks but couldn’t understood a thing he said. He walked a little slow than usual, like if he was trying to make sure he didn’t leave in you in the dust.

The walk was short and you made it to the destination in no time. He groaned as you got there, the kitchen area. Your eyebrows drew with concern.

Backing up a little, you spoke “Uhm, look if you’re gonna splash me with water-“

But your cautiousness was only mocked by small chuckles that bubbled up in Bakugou as he picked up a plastics cup.

“No I won’t, ya idiot.” He interjected, “What’s your type of coffee, you like Frappuccino or somethin’?”

——————————

“Hey, Cashier Extra!” Y/N nostrils flare with heavy air leaving them. For the past three months and a half, you’ve been having to deal with one of the biggest meanies they had ever known in their entire life. Originally, you thought you were confused at times by him.

Bakugou Katsuki was one of the hardest people work with sometimes. It was like he had a whole book of mean names and rude comments. Or looked up how to send the worlds most bone-chilling stare. And after a long tiring day of work, right as you’re are about to clock out, you hear the small words “bye extra” leave his grumpy little pie hole. You wondered why his rude one point, then nice another.

Y/N briskly huff, straightening out any wrinkles or creases in your pale button up shirt. “Yeah Bakugou?” Y/N tried to give Bakugou the most genuine confusion on your face. Though Y/N didn’t find a lot great characteristics of Bakugou, but they knew that Bakugou was a smart man. He quickly caught onto their small frown creasing at the sides of their mouth and y/n bothered eyes.

But unlike usually, Bakugou’s face didn’t seem to get annoyed at that. No, instead, how facial expressions seemed to go down a little. Bakugou’s eyebrows furrowed, from y/n couldn’t tell what was on Bakugou’s mind. He’s volcanic eyes seemed to be put out.

Y/N would almost say the usual solemn face of Bakugou Katsuki just broke away for a minute.

Bakugou caught himself, the dust of his volcanic chucked up as the lava came back into his eyes, keeping a stern look. Though Bakugou wouldn’t admit, Bakugou had definitely fallen for Y/N strong admiration for this job and their determination. He’d give them the compliment from time to time, but to wasn’t as much as he wanted to say.

“Just make sure you remember to clock in.” He mumbled softly, Y/N could barely even hear it. They nodded, a bit confused, but nodded and almost went on to work like usual. “Hey!” Bakugou stopped Y/N in their tracks, “Be cautious of Karens.”

The name still confused you to this day, but once again, you shrugged it off with a nod and carried on.

——————

This would have to one of the most crowded shift you’ve ever had, ever. If you were a customer, driving up into the driveway, you would’ve definitely drive straight out by the amount of people parked or in the driveway, getting their order taken their.

Bakugou, Denki and six others carefully rushed with the drinks, other orders holding up on the racks. Kirishima, Mina, and another worker kept up their the best they could, taking people’s orders from the drive through, then there was you and three other cashiers. You four had to take the orders as smooth and quick as possible, all of you praying that the customer will have a little bit of compassion and patience. Lines of people excitedly waiting to order the new drink the shop put out.

The Christmas Chocolate Winter Cream. Your new enemy, almost every single child, adult, teen, everyone was asking and wanting that “creamy delicious coffee”. Who even lets their child drink coffee! You didn’t want any part of it.

“Stupid coffee ice cream, its not even December yet!” You quickly grumbled under your breath.

”Uhm, excuse me?” You nearly forgot about the rush hour at work today. Hastily you straighten your spine. The customer was a lady, maybe in her late 50s. Her pale skin wore brightly colored pigment over its wrinkles and creases. Her hair was short but bumped up and curled.

“Oh I said, hi welcome to StaryBunkers,” You correct yourself quickly, trying to pass your entirely different words as the same, you grasp notepad and it’s thin paper in one hand, and a pencil in another. Forcibly, you gave the customer a fake smile that would impress the greatest actress. “What would you like for today. Behind your fake smile and your facial creases, you internally prayed with every god, deity, and goddess you know, hoping that they wouldn’t say..

“The Christmas Chocolate Winter Cream,” The older lady grasp her young daughter tightly that was so short, you just now noticed her. She seems to be up to her mother’s knees. “make that two please, today’s my girls big day!” The woman’s words didn’t invoke any feeling of excitement that usually does when some says big day to you.

“tHe cHirStmAs cHocOlatE wIntEr cReAm”

Your sighs of annoyance was held captive in the bars of your fake smile. “Of course!” Your forgery of cheerfulness impressed your cashier partners who’s fake smile was somewhat stiff and expressionless. “Birthday I presume?” You ask, the pencil’s tip close to the paper, ready to write.

“Yep!” The little girl chirped, her two brown pigtails swinging with you as she nodded her head. Ok you had to admit, the little girl was very sweet and cute. She single handedly made your stressful day a little bit better (ugh what a queen, we stan)

Your smile became more genuine, you heart even warmed a little.. “Coming right up, wait a moment please.” You paced hastily behind you, internally wishing you could spend you whole entire day in the back. You made your way quickly to the kitchen, hoping the customer were the patient type as you heard the shouts of anger coming from the drive through. You took a quick glance at the altercation.

“I SAID CHRISTMAS CHOCOLATE WINTER CREAM,” The customer aggressively yanked the the lid up. “THIS ISN’T ENOUGH CREAM!” The white and red haired boy calmly his hands out, trying to rationalize with the person.

“Sir, ” He spoke with dullness, “Thats how much cream comes with it.” But the customer only got even more hotheaded.

“NO IT ISN’T!”

“Yes it is.” Todoroki scrunched his face up, “You don’t even work here, how would you know?” Todoroki, unknowingly made the man even more upset which cause the drink from his hand to fly out towards him. You panic, rushing over there the close the door before it was too late. But, the man was quicker, and as the drink came rushing to a motionless Todoroki, a body came rushing in to take the hit, Kirishima.

“Brrooooooo” He said in slow motion. “Poor Kiri” you internally spoke with pity. And as the man ran away, kirishima’s stomach burned from the heat of the coffee. You cringed at the sound of his small whimpers of pain. “F in the chat.” You busy back to the kitchen.

The steam from the coffee makers brush against your skin, squeezing out a very thin layer of sweat on your cheeks. Quickly, you yelled.

“Two Today Specials for Cashier number UNO,” the Barista’s groaned, “AKA Y/N!” You yelled again for clarification. They, annoyedly, went back to work with the drinks again. The most pissed out of all them though was Bakugou. Not cause of the loaded day. But because everyone was going to “slow”. He huffed, panted, scream, yelled, intensely ordered and more,

The man was like lighting, filling up cup after cup after cup.

“Move your asses!” He sealed three cups and handed them to Mina, “Y/N stop wasting your time back here and work!” Your posture caved in, but you obey his command like a solider obeying their Sargent.

“Aye aye, Captain.” You sang jokingly. And while the others smirk and giggled amongst the stresss, Bakugou arch an eyebrow at your jokes and went back to work.

You happily went along to the front again to update the mother and the daughter about their meals. But as you approach them, you could hear the mother’s now bewildered voice. It was like cat nails to a chalkboard and her voice was crackly.

Her scream filled the whole place, putting a pause on the whole day. You internally panicked, not only can you feel the wrath of the woman from where you were standing, you could also feel the piercing and grim stare of Bakugou behind you. Once again, you we’re praying to gods, goddess, and deities. Praying that whatever is out there won’t eat you alive. Swallowing down your fear, you began to walk, with the feeling of it stuck down in your stomach.

Once you were in her eyesight, she swatted her daughters arms. And like a puppy, the girl immediately obeyed, handing her phone to her. The lady was obnoxiously grumbling words under breath as she pressed record. And with a large gulp she began her fit. You knew exactly what was gonna happen.

This..this must be the Karen they’ve talked about.

“SAY HELLO TO THE MEDIA!” Her voice sings with pride, “THIS PERSON MADE MY DAUGHTER WAIT ONE HOUR FOR HER DRINK-“ Your eyes grew with shock at the woman’s words. But before you could say anything, the cashier next to you, Deku interjected. His arm reached over to hover over your body as a means to protect you.

“Hang on now!” He argued. “You’ve only been here for three minutes!” You nodded in agreement. Pushing Deku’s arm up to cover your face from the camera.

“I’m sorry for the wait ma’am” you apologize, “But all you had to do was wait a couple of more minute-“

“DO YOU SEE THIS?” The woman ignored your remarks and claims, instead focusing on her own, “THEY ARE TRYING TO DISCREDIT ME AND MY NINE! YES NINE! YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!” She waved her phone in her daughters face like she was evidence. She waved, hopped, and dance around the counters and to other people’s table. “HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE DRINK HERE!” Her words and movements were melodramatic and over the top.

And after her little rant to the people, some of which left, she stomped her way back to you and Deku. This time, she had a nasty smirk on her face and a hot drink in her free hand she stolen from another customer.

“Ya know what!”

“Oh no not this again”

Hastily, you moved Deku and you away from the woman’s sight. You two ran into the back kitchen to Chef Ramsey Bakugou. Who was now even more pissed. Not only did Y/N make a Karen mad (ok he knew it impossible not to make them mad he’s just stressed). But no, instead of running to him, Y/N runs to Deku first?! Man’s got his priorities straight.

As Deku quickly runs over the back area to get his phone, you rush over to Bakugou and the others in panic. “Bakugou, call the police!” The others around quickly take of aprons and another things at the words of that. Police involved?? Yep they think a murder just went down. But Bakugou just grumbles and huffs.

“No.”

....

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO!?” Bakugou looks at you with bewilderment, this is his first time hearing you yell at him that way. But before he process the fact that a cinnamon bun is yelling at him, you began to grasp and shake at his shoulders. “THE LADY IS TRYING TO KILL ME!”

“WELL YOU SHOULD’VE CAME TO ME INSTEAD OF FUCKING DEKU FOR PROTECTION..” Bakugou fumbled and shouted through his words. “Y-YOU BIG MEANIE”

You two went silent after that,

Big

...

Big Meanie?

Deku came out from the back with his phone, “Shoto!” Todoroki’s head jerked towards his way. “Help me with the Karen!” Todoroki nodded.

————-

Finally, the situation was under control, the Karen was banned from the coffee shop, Mina and Denki gave Kirishima some aloe. And while things didn’t really calm down until the day was done, everyone seemed a bit less tense, expect you and Bakugou. For the rest of the day, he was knocking over cups, using wrong lids, and spilling coffee. Dude’s lucky that he wasn’t fire. He felt embarrassed by the way he reacted. Now Y/N probably saw him as some type of control freak. Tensions were high and he was stressful.

Bakugou quickly moved pass the others, trying to clock out early before Y/N sees him-

“Hey Bakugou” Bakugou internally groaned at the sound of your voice. Screw you plot device he said to himself. Bakugou turned his head to the side to face you. Yo he side view is lowkey cute you noted. “Could we talk outside, after I clock out?”

Oh how badly Bakugou wanted to say no. The pit in his stomach grew bigger as he nodded.

“Great, just give me a second” Bakugou nodded once again and quickly clocked out. He’s footsteps echoed in his head as he waited outside, leaning against the glass wall of the store.

He didn’t know what you were gonna say, but he had an idea of it. He annoyed you to no end, made things harder for you, and was never truly nice to you that often. How was he suppose to believe that you would like a guy like him in anyway? He internally frowned at his thoughts, the words eating him up and chewing him out only to get stepped on by the crushing feeling of doubt.

Once he saw the buildings door open with you coming out to join him, that crushing feeling of doubt covered and weighed down on him. This was it he thought. He shoved his hands into his pockets, readying himself for the painful impact of rejected.

“Bakugou..” you softly asked. Bakugou hmm’d at you with a feeling of shame boiling inside.. “Did you mean it when you said i was a big meanie?” Bakugou let out a sigh of pain.

He caught onto your words late, “Look I’m sorry for-what?”

“You called me a big meanie.” You mumbled, “and I was wondering if you were serious because one, you’re like 23.”

“I’m 16” he deadpanned  “Like you.” You ignored him though.

“and two, you’re the one who’s been acting like a big meanie.” You accused which wasn’t contradicted, “And all cause you like me huh” Bakugou opened his mouth to spew his defense, but nothing came out but a small “I”. He sighed defeatedly.

“Im sorry,” He spoke. “I just, didn’t know how to tell you or whatever.” He spoke so awkwardly and shy. “I’ll uh, I’ll leave you alone or whatever.”

You drew out a finger, objecting. “Hold on now,” you replied. “Who said I didn’t like you?” Bakugou’s heart sparked at those words, he lifted his head, red sparks in his eyes. “Hey what can I say? A big meanie like me likes big meanies too.”

[denkamis]

misc. reki kyan x gn reader hc’s.

masterlist.

warnings: none! just fluffy reki brainrot :))

notes: i’m so nervous oh lord this is my first actual post on my blog but ah- i hope you enjoy regardless! i love this boy sfm i— anyway. as mei puts it, i like ‘em dumb and damaged 🥴 jkjk, he deserves the world even if he breaks his bones as much as deku does :))

he doodles a lot on his arms. like sticker designs and just tiny tattoos he wants to get for later. but probably won’t get bc he’s too pussy

he gets so excited showing you new designs he made up

i’m thinking lots of spontaneous dates between you two. like getting pancakes at 3am bc he was hungry

or you two standing in the middle of a corner store with two tubs of ice cream in hand

you guys have matching keychains (they’re tiny skateboards bc he is very original)

he texts you all the time, i can’t explain it, he just does

also shows off new tricks to you

and SKATING VIDEOS OF HIM OMG

if you don’t skate, he would definitely try to teach you. it didn’t matter if you were good or bad at it, he just really enjoyed sharing his number one passion with you

he holds your hands and if you’re super shaky and looking down at your feet, he would bump your head gently with his and say something sweet like “my eyes are up here, sweetheart!”

cheesy mfer

HOWEVER if you do like skating, he custom makes a board for you but get this

y’all are matching. like the art on the bottom of your boards are matCHING

he’s all “:D do you like it, babe?”

and you’re standing there all “wh- why is there a tiny robot on mine.”

“because mine has gears on it! it matches! cmon it matches i swear—“

even you sitting through his entire rants about skating make his day. his eyes are so bright and he’s speaking so fast, you can barely make out the words but it’s so endearing

he loves you so much my god

you better bet he tells langa about you all the time too. mans has no chill. he will go off on long tangents about you

hear me out- you two sitting on top of the halfpipe together, the sun is setting, you’re in his arms wearing one of his hoodies and he’s just humming some stupid 2000’s song

and you feel so safe

but then he’s laughing and joking about what it would be like to skate in the most absurd places

like the arctic

or the moon

or the side of a molton volcano omg wait—

in conclusion: reki kyan is soft and loves two things: you and skateboarding gn

all works © denkamis 2021.

tags:

@meilbox

[hayleysayshay]

Love, Death and Robots Series 2 review:

I think it’s a shame there’s only eight episodes-- I think that because some of them are so short, it feels little and slightly unsatisfying. Still the shorts were less gratuitous than series 1, but lose some of the high concept fun of the previous shorts, and there aren’t really any twists or turns in these shorts. They are what they are, but I don’t think people are going to latch onto any characters of ideas like they did in the previous one (like Sonnie’s Edge, Good Hunting, Zima Blue). I tend to like the ones that are more simple and work with a fun or interesting concept.

Episode 1: Automated Customer Service: Killer Robots! not especially original and the character designs are a choice, but a fun watch.

Episode 2: Ice: Love the animation style, as we follow some rebellious teens trying to see some whales in a dangerous manner. Not especially standout and nothing really grabs you as the stakes are pretty low, but a nice short that keeps your attention. I like the teens just doing something stupid for the fun of it. Very teenage.

Episode 3: Pop Squad: I loved this, even if I can admit that it’s not particularly original. I think it gets across a lot of the bleak noir despair of it all, in the short amount of time it has to do so-- and it’s arguably flawed and full of ‘why’ questions with regards to the setting, but the style and concept won me over compared to the other CGI ‘film story concept’ shorts (detailed below).

Episode 4: Snow in the Desert: This felt slightly generic to me, and I couldn’t really get into it a whole lot. Immortal characters, synth characters, angst and bounty hunters tracking them, bla bla bla. THis could be a good movie or novel, but as a short it felt bland as there’s too much to explore, so nothing is. The video game CGI styling is very boring to me.

Episode 5: The Tall Grass: A good supernatural horror short, and I loved the art direction! Simple and effective, and great art direction.

Episode 6: All Through The House: Kids see ‘Santa’ at christmas. I loved this one. Comedic and freaky, just a simple concept told straight to the point, and I loved the art style. This had so much personality to it! Very short, and would have fit better in an anthology with more longer shorts as a breather, as instead I wish we had a bit more to it, or at least seen more like this one.

Episode 7: Life Hutch: Zzzz. Military sci-fic horror where a soldier is hunted. What kind of war is he fighting? Doesn’t matter. Good use of body horror and squeamish realism and it feels like it hurts, but the CGI styleis bland. I feel like I should like this more than Snow in the Desert as it’s a more stripped back horror, but military sci-fi in spaceeee does very little for me.

Episode 8: The Drowned Giant: A scientist ponders the decaying body of a Giant that washed up in a small seaside town. Of all of these, this feels most like an actual short film, in that it actually feels appropriate for the length of time it is, rather than Life Hutch and Snow in the Desert which are just typical sci-fi tropes but too short to actually subert anything. This is pretty charming, and laid back-- it arguably doesn’t have much of a ‘point’ other than a look at humans using the body of a giant. My favourite short.

RANKING WORST TO BEST:

8: LIFE HUTCH

7: SNOW IN THE DESERT

6: AUTOMATED CUSTOMER SERVICE

5: ICE

4: THE TALL GRASS

3: POP SQUAD

2: ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE

1: THE DROWNED GIANT.

[idnek83]

Can u write something about soudam wedding?

I’m sorry this took like 3 weeks to answer, but here you go: 4.3k word worth of Soudam wedding ramblings.

(This is for a western style wedding by the way)

Wedding Planning

Neither of them know what they’re doing, cus neither of them ever really spent much time thinking about weddings growing up, much less their own weddings lol

So one day, after they’re engaged, they’re just hanging out with some friends. They’re on a couch, Soda’s laying with his head in Gundham’s lap, just vibing, then their friends start asking about what they have planned. They both kind of look at each other and shrug, cus they have planned literally nothing, they just know they kind of want to get married on their anniversary, but that’s really all they’ve got lol.

Sonia like presses them for ideas cus they must have at least some idea of what they want, right?

Soda looks up at Gundham and is like ‘probably lots of black stuff, yeah?’

Gundham nods and looks down at him ‘perhaps with vibrant accents in your preferred colors as well?’

Soda’s like ‘Oooh and we could have like an animal theme maybe?? OH! OR A ROBOT ANIMAL THEME????’ and Gundhams just like ‘whatever makes you happy’ and they throw out a couple more terrible ideas while Sonia silently suffers lol.

Eventually they’re laughing at their own stupid ideas and Sonia is just glad they actually realize their ideas were dumb and they didn’t seriously want a goth robot hamster ice sculpture lol. They admit they don’t super care how it all goes down, they both just want to get married and have fun with all their friends at the reception.

Sonia offers to take care of the planning and stuff with her team of professionals (Yes she has a team on wedding planners okay, she’s the kind of person who has been planning her wedding since she was 9 and also she’s a princess so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). She seems really excited and Soda and Gundham really don’t know what they’re doing so they agree to let her handle it as long as they get the final say on things. She immediately starts rambling about all her ideas and Soda and Gundham just kind of chuckle and smile at each other.

 Suit shopping

Fuyuhiko takes them suit shopping. They go together, they aren’t too concerned about keeping their outfits a secret from each other and they figure it’ll be fun to watch each other try on all kind of different things. Sonia comes too of course.

They start kind of idlily browsing sample suits (they’re getting custom suits made, Fuyuhiko wouldn’t hear otherwise) and Sonia asks what kind of suits they’d like to see each other in. They both stop and look at each other, and Fuyu rolls his eyes cus they’re just blatantly checking each other out lol.

Eventually Soda shrugs and is like “I don’t really care. As long as I get to see Gundham looking hot as hell in a tux I’m good with whatever” and Gundham kind of tilts his head and is like “So you would prefer me to wear a tuxedo?” Soda is dumb as hell and doesn’t realize Gundham is not using ‘tuxedo’ as a synonym for ‘suit’ like he was, so he gets super blushy and is like “Oh. I-I mean if you were thinking about a dress instead that’s cool too.” And Gundham’s eyes just widen a bit because he was not thinking about wearing a dress but now he’s thinking about Soda in a big, white, full skirted wedding dress. Soda is picturing Gundham in something a little more fitted with a high slit. They’re both just blushing and staring at each other until Fuyu clears his throat and tells Soda that a tuxedo is a type of suit, and he’s pretty sure that’s what Gundham meant. Soda just hides his face in his hands and apologizes. Gundham comes over to kiss his forehead and tell him it’s okay, and eventually they get back to looking at suits lol

Gundham’s done pretty quick. He does end up picking a tuxedo, and I’m not great at fashion but Just picture something black, very gothic, and a tiny bit extra haha. Soda super excited to see it once it’s done being made, cus Gundham already looked amazing in the sample suit. He maybe gets a little emotional looking at his fiancé all dressed up knowing it’s for their wedding, but nobody says anything and Gundham just smiles at him softly.

Soda has a lot more trouble. He doesn’t want to ruin their wedding by wearing something tacky so he’s trying to stick to traditional black. But every time he comes out and looks at himself in the full length mirror he can’t help but feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t look like himself,  he thinks he looks like some kid borrowing his dad’s suit for prom.

He’s on like the 12th sample suit, he’s trying all kinds of styles and different lapels and undershirts/vest combos but he still just feels like trash in all of them. This suit fits him like a glove, accentuates all of his best features, and he honestly looks so good in it. Sonia and Fuyuhiko are telling him as much, along with whatever staff are around.

But Soda still doesn’t feel like himself. And Gundham can tell.

Gundham comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist and they both just look at themselves in the mirror for a moment. Gundham makes a point of frowning as he looks at the suit and Soda laughs at how obviously exaggerated it is. It’s the first time he’s genuinely smiled in at least an hour.

“What’s wrong, babe? Don’t like it?”

“Hmm… perhaps if it was yellow… maybe blue?”

Soda laughs but he feels a little self conscious. He really doesn’t want to make their wedding tacky, but he just doesn’t feel right in such… boring colors. He tells Gundham as much. Gundham hums and kisses his cheek, still holding him from behind, and asks to see color samples for the suits materials while Soda insists he’ll be fine and he’ll just get used to the black.

Someone brings Gundham a collection of cloth samples, and he finally separates from his fiancé to stand in front of him and hold them up, one by one. Soda is insisting black is fine the whole time. Eventually Gundham stops, holding up a sort of deep red, and tilts his head. Soda looks at the color; he likes it, but he’s still worried it would be kind of tacky. Gundham asks for someone to bring him a jacket in that color.

He puts it on Soda and grabs a black suit jacket and a red tie for himself, before standing next to Soda and linking their arms. Soda looks in the mirror and, hey, that’s not too bad, the red actually looks pretty classy, and paired up with Gundham’s tie it looks…

He starts crying, but it’s mostly relief and happiness. Fuyu laughs at him but tells him he looks good and Sonia just smiles while Gundham pulls him into a hug. They order the 12th suit in red, and every time Soda tries t apologize for being so difficult Gundham just shuts him up with a kiss lol.

Wedding Traditions and Stuff

They start talking about wedding traditions one day after having a conversation with Sonia about how the wedding plans are going. The first thing that comes up is the whole ‘bride walking down the aisle’ thing since, obviously, there isn’t gonna be a bride. Gundham suggests they both just walk out together, but Soda kind of wants that moment where he’s standing at the alter and gets to watch Gundham walk down the aisle towards him. Gundham just smiles and kisses him and says he’s like that too.

Soda suggests they take dance lessons or something so they can have a cool first dance. Gundham says they can if he really wants to, but he would rather just be able to hold Soda close and sway to the music without having to worry about memorized steps. Soda blushes and agrees, he mostly suggested it cus he thought Gundham would like it anyways.

Neither of them really care about name changes. They both offer to change theirs, but in the end they just decide to keep their own names.

Sonia (jokingly) mentions being disappointed because there won’t be a bouquet toss, and Chiaki (also jokingly) responds that Gundham should just toss a single rose into the crowd like tuxedo mask. He agrees to do it (not jokingly)

They both write their own stupid sappy vows, it’s not even something they have to discuss.

Hajime is Soda’s best man, Sonia is Gundham’s. She insists on being called ‘best man’ instead of ‘maid of honor’ or ‘best woman’ because she likes the way it sounds lol.

They pick a very classic décor theme, but add in a lot of black accents for the aesthetic✨

They decide to do that thing where they spend the night before the wedding apart and don’t see each other again until the actual ceremony.

Bachelor Party

Soda wasn’t planning on having his own bachelor party, he figured they could just have like a joint bachelor party at their house or something because he loves his fiancé and prefers to party with him lol. But then Fuyuhiko, Hajime, and Nekomaru are carrying him out the front door while Gundham casually waves and tells him to have fun lol (They absolutely got Gundham’s permission before kidnapping his man haha).

(Gundham invites Sonia over for wine and calls it his bachelor party. They watch the bachelor and laugh about how funny they are.)

Soda is thrown in the back seat of one of Fuyu’s fancy cars with blacked out windows and yells at his friends for like the whole trip while they just laugh at him lol. They eventually get to a bar and Soda is just super relieved it’s not a strip club, Hajime tells him it’s cus Gundham wouldn’t let him, but Fuyu and Nekomaru insist it’s cus they have more class than that. (Whose lying? You choose lol).

They get a table and a round of shots as soon as they get inside. It’s actually pretty laid back as far as bachelor parties go, they mostly just sit and talk, and get Soda gushing about his soon to be husband lol. At one point, after a couple drinks, they do like a chugging contest for the first time since they graduated uni and Soda wins. Fuyu is just like ‘wtf when did you get so good at this?” and Soda is like “Well, thanks to Gundham I’ve gotten really good at swallowing” and everybody just fucking groans while he loses his mind laughing lol

As the night goes on Soda just gets sappier and sappier and starts complaining about how much he misses his boyfriend. Nekomaru pats him on the back and is like ‘he isn’t even your boyfriend anymore, he’s your fiancé’ and Soda just light up like ‘yeah… I’m so lucky…’ before he stops and his eyes go wide. The other guys kind of look at each other, confused, before Hajime’s like ‘uh, you good dude?’ and Soda’s just like ‘oh my god, he’s my fiancé! We’re gonna get fucking married next week!! Holy shit that means he’s gonna be my husband! I have to tell him!’ and the guys just laugh while he dials Gundham.

Gundham is surprised to get a call from Soda and gets a little worried, so he answers like ‘is everything alright, my paramour?’ and Soda is just like ‘Holy shit Gundham! Did you realize we’re gonna be husbands??!?’ and Gundham just laughs and relaxes while telling Soda that, yes, he did realize they were going to be husbands lol

Soda just rambles away on the phone about how excited he is to marry Gundham and how he promises to be a good husband and how much he loves him. The other guys roll their eyes and decide it’s probably time to call it a night lol.

When Soda gets home he immediately attaches himself to Gundham and tells him how much he missed him lol. Gundham just pets his hair and gets them both ready for bed as he asks if Soda enjoyed his bachelor party. He says his favorite part was when his fiancé kissed him good night, and Gundham just rolls his eyes and does it haha

The Wedding

Soda is super nervous the night before (not in a ‘I’m not ready for this’ way, he’s just excited and scared he’s gonna say/do something dumb or that something terrible is gonna happen and ruin the whole thing) and he ends up calling Gundham from his hotel room at like midnight and talking about all his worries (“What if I say ‘I don’t’ by accident and we have to do the whole wedding again?” “What if I have to pee in the middle of our vows?” “What if we get to the ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ part and like, Nekomaru suddenly decides he’s in love with you? There’s no way I could take him in a fight!”). Gundham smiles as he reassures Soda that whatever happens, they’ll get through it, and that he doesn’t really care what happens, as long as he gets to call Soda his husband by the end of the day.

They fall asleep telling each other how excited they are.

In the morning their respective best men wake them and help them get ready. Gundham styles his hair up and Soda puts his in a low ponytail, and they both put on their fancy new custom suits (They both got ties to match each other’s suits too haha). They’re both a little nervous but Hajime and Sonia are ready with all kinds of compliments and reassurances, and they get both grooms out their doors and on the road right on time.

Gundham gets to the venue first, and he’s a little taken aback by how good it looks. Sonia gushes about all the little details while Gundham just half listens and thanks her. He’s looking at the flower arrangements sitting in classy black vases, the chairs covered in white cloth held in place with black ribbon, and noticing all kinds of subtly gothic touches Sonia added to the décor. Soda may have been worried about making the wedding tacky with his suit, but Gundham had been worried about making it tacky with shitty gothic decorations. He’s amazed with how well Sonia managed to pull it off. He grabs both her hands and sincerely tells her that he loves her and that she is, and always will be, his dearest friend. They both get a little teary and hug it out haha.

Then Hajime ruins it by kicking in the front door and saying something like ‘Gundham you look hot as fuck, but get out of my sight right now so I can bring your stupid ass fiancé in. Also, hey Sonia, great job decorating.’ Lol

Sonia and Gundham head off into a little room to wait for the ceremony to start, and Hajime heads back out to get Soda. When Soda gets inside he’s just as impressed by the décor as Gundham was. He thinks it’s all very Gundham and he loves it. Hajime tells him he tried to get Sonia to throw in some hot pink roses for Soda and Soda is just like ‘thank god Sonia didn’t listen to you.’ Lol

Soda just heads right into the main hall, just taking in all the amazing décor until his eyes land on the wedding arch. He stares at it and it just really hit him that this is happening. He’s about to marry the love of his life. He’s about to be able to call Gundham his husband. He’s about to be Gundham’s husband. He starts tearing up and Hajime pats him on the back, smiling ‘Come on, ya big sap, lets get you married’

Hajime gets Soda up to the front to take his place under the arch and Sonia comes out to see how things are going. Everything is pretty much ready and the officiant is ready to go, so Sonia heads back to Gundham’s room and the officiant signals everyone to take their seats so they can get things started. Soda’s regained his composure in the tie it took everyone to settle down, and Hajime gives him one last pat on the back before he takes his place to the side and the music starts.

Soda looks up as the door opens and he sears the image into his mind immediately.

Gundham looks amazing, he always does, but there’s just something extra to it in that moment. He’s glowing, Soda decides, and as their eyes lock he feels himself tearing up again. It only gets worse as Gundham gets closer, it’s not long before he’s full on crying. He’s jut so overwhelmed with love and happiness, and he almost wants to sip all the vows and wedding rites and just be married already.

Gundham’s not doing much better. He’s vaguely aware of their friends and family waving to him and complimenting him or congratulating him as he passes, but he’s way too focused on Soda to really care. He looks so handsome in his deep red suit with his hair tied back, and he’s frozen, clutching his hands in front of him nervously the way he had been when Gundham entered. Gundham want’s to run to him, sweep him off his feet and just declare them married himself, but he manages to hold himself back. He doesn’t hold back his tears nearly as well though, and a few roll down his cheeks before he makes it to the altar.

When Gundham gets to Soda he immediately pulls him into a tight hug, Soda wrapping his arms around him just as quickly, and then they’re both laughing through their tears. Gundham gently strokes Soda’s hair, careful not to mess it up, and kisses his forehead. Sonia scoffs to let Gundham know he’s on thin ice for that, she’s very into wedding traditions, but lets it slide since it technically isn’t a real kiss lol.

They eventually pull themselves away from each other a bit and try to wipe away each other’s tears at the same time. It’s a little awkward but they’re happy and don’t care, they just keep staring at each other as they finally step back, still holding hands, and signal to the officiant that they’re ready to start.

Soda says his vows first, it’s on purpose, he wanted to go first cus he knew he would be too busy crying after Gundham’s vows haha. He’s like shaking really hard when he starts, cus he hates public speaking and he’s embarrassed to be so sappy in front of all their friends, but as he talks he watches Gundham light up and it just gets easier and easier, until he’s only shaking from the effort it’s taking not to kiss his groom.

Everyone is expecting Gundham’s vows to be long winded and extra extra, but to their surprise they’re pretty straight forward. Gundham explains, as part of his vows, that he doesn’t need extravagant metaphors to express his love and he wants to speak plainly and clearly, in hopes of expressing how clear his feelings for Soda are (he said he doesn’t need metaphors, nut technically the whole thing is a metaphor lol). Soda is in fact crying well before he finishes, and the only things that stop them from kissing once Gundham stops talking are a stern cough from Sonia and a disapproving tut from Hajime lol

The officiant does their thing, Soda and Gundham requested a shortened version of the usual spiel cus they didn’t want to have to stand through a stupidly long ceremony, but even that feels way too long to them haha. When they get to the ‘speak now or forever hold you peace’ part, Gundham raises a non-existent brow at Soda before gazing pointedly at Nekomaru for a second. Soda snorts and laughs and nobody else gets it, but no one speaks up either haha

Gundham is the first to say ‘I do’, then Soda nearly cuts the officiant off with his own ‘I do’ before they can even finish the question haha. The officiant basically steps out of the way while saying ;you may now kiss cus they can tell these two have no patience lol.

They both lean in before the officiant even finishes speaking. Their lips meet and Soda wraps his arms around Gundham’s neck while Gundham pulls him in by his waist. Their friends are cheering and clapping and both of them are crying again.

They both smile and laugh as they part and make their way back down the aisle, thanking all their friends and family, before heading outside to get some photos taken.

Photos take literal hours (wedding party, friends, family, just them, each of them separate, each of them separate with friends, separate with family, now each individual family member with both of them and each of them separately, etc, etc), and they’re both pretty tired by the end of it. They end up heading back to Gundham’s little waiting room to take a nap together.

Sonia sends Mahiru in to get a picture of them cuddled together on the little couch. Both of them have their suit jackets off, their ties loose, and a couple shirt buttons undone. Soda is lying between Gundham’s legs, head resting sideways on his chest and drooling a little. Gundham as his arms wrapped around Soda’s back and his cheek is pressed against his hair. One of Gundham’s legs is dangling off the front of the too narrow couch, along with one of Soda’s arms.

Despite how sloppy they both look, it’s one of their favorite pictures from their wedding day.

The Reception

When Soda and Gundham wake up from their nap like an hour later, they spend like a solid 20 minutes just tenderly making out being all ‘hey you’re my husband now and I’m gonna keep saying the word husband until we’re both sick of it’ haha (neither of them get sick of it). Eventually Sonia and Hajime come get them, Hajime makes a comment like ‘haha save something for your wedding night guys’ and Sonia is just bluntly like ‘yeah, you two will have plenty of time to fuck later’ lol

They all grab something to eat before the reception because Soda and Gundham have barely eaten anything all day.

Their first dance is literally just them holding each other and kissing and swaying to the music, and Soda is so glad Gundham didn’t want to take dance lessons cus he doesn’t want to do anything but hold and kiss his husband in that moment. After the first dance the champagne starts flowing freely and formal atmosphere dissolves pretty quickly lol

Gundham and Soda have both ditched their jackets and are alternating between chatting and laughing with their friends and rocking out on the dance floor (they’re terrible dancers but it’s their wedding and no one is allowed to judge them lol). They’re both kind of acting like they’re drunk but they haven’t actually had that much to drink, they’re just stupid happy. They keep sneaking off to make out, only for Hajime or Sonia to drag them back lol

By the mid night Gundham has lost his tie (They threw it on the ground during one of their make outs and both of them forgot lol) and Soda has some fresh hickies on his neck, and Sonia and Hajime decide they’ve fulfilled their socialization quota and finally release them lol. They thought about getting a hotel room, but they both agreed they would rather just spend their first night as a married couple in their own bed.

The Wedding Night 👀

(suggestive but not explicit)

They start making out the second they get in the limo (courtesy of the Kuzuryu family) to take them home. They can’t keep their hands off each other, but they manage to keep their clothes on for now haha.

Once they make it home they’re stumbling over each other to get to the door, but then Soda freezes when they get it unlocked and Gundham is just like ??? Soda looks at him wide eyed and is just like ‘I want to do the thing’ and before Gundham can figure out what he means, Soda literally sweeps him off his feet and carries him bridal style into their home. Gundham just laughs and lets it happen.

Soda throws Gundham onto the bed and jumps on top of him, resuming their earlier make outs for  bit before Gundham pushes him back. Its Soda’s turn to be like ??? but Gundham just says he has a surprise for him and heads off to the bathroom.

Soda is 100% expecting lingerie, but when Gundham steps out in a lacy white baby doll with matching white panties and stockings he nearly dies from joy.

Gundham says he noticed the way Soda had reacted to the idea of him in a wedding dress during their suit fitting and went out to buy this outfit pretty much right after. Maybe it wasn’t quite a wedding dress, but it definitely had a bridal feeling to it.

Once some of Soda’s blood makes it back up to his brain, he smirks and points out that Gundham doesn’t really qualify for the whole wearing white on your wedding day thing’ and Gundham’s like ‘hmm, really? Better make sure, just in case’

It’s all really tender, filled with reverent kisses and I love you’s and a couple of happy tears, and by the end of it both of them are completely naked and cuddled up, smiling as they look at the new matching gold rings adorning their fingers.

They both fall asleep thinking about how excited they are to spend the rest of their lives together.

[evajellion]

Love, Death & Robots S2 ranking

About well over a year ago I listed off the first volume, so it was only natural I ranked the second. This time I may got a little more in depth cuz there are 8 episodes instead of 18.

Before I do that though– I’m actually disappointed in a lot of people who had these ridiculously high expectations and are complaining that Blur Studio did most of the episodes. Like gee, it’s almost like there’s a pandemic that happened last year and they couldn’t get all the episodes they wanted from other studios.

So yeah, because of the pandemic, I’ve been more forgiving of animations studios having to cut a few corners. (same thing with season 4 of Castlevania, which I also liked)

Anyway, as for my ranking–

8. Pop Squad

7. Life Hutch

6. Ice

5. Automated Customer Service

4. The Drowned Giant

3. Snow in the Desert

2. All Through the House (my dad’s pick for #1)

1. The Tall Grass

Pop Squad is fucking stupid and overstays its welcome. It’s an 18 minute long short where that time could have been used on Ice instead. Tl;dr, rich people are immortal while lower class people are continuing to breed. To curb overpopulation, squads are sent to arrest mothers and kill children.

The concept of immortality amongst the upper class could have been handled in a much better way, and I’m not against popping off younglings so long as it’s properly effective. This short is only good in the last 5 minutes or so.

Apparently for some godforsaken reason, this episode is at the high point of most viewers’ rankings. No clue why, I can only assume that they’re pretentious art snobs who want to think everything is deep.

… this was from the director of the Kung-fu Panda movies? Wow, what a downgrade. She should stick to children’s movies. At least it isn’t like the yogurt short I guess.

Life Hutch is actually pretty good, a robot malfunctions to attack anything that moves. I just think it was a bit too long and could have been shortened. Maybe could have used a better setting.

Ice… is a disappointment, given this is the same studio being Zima Blue. It feels very much style over substance. It definitely needed more time to bake, which Pop Squad could have sacrificed.

Automated Customer Service is extremely relatable. We all hate being on the phone with an unhelpful service. That’s the only reason I put it above all the previous three. I watch the old lady struggling with the customer service making everything worse, and I go “oh yeah, we’ve all been there”. Good job on the writers.

The Drowned Giant is the artsy-fartsy done correctly. Much shorter than the bottom entry, and gives this sort of “The General Zapped an Angel” feeling, with the way this giant body lays on the beach to be desecrated by mankind. This creature is a human like any other, yet his corpse is treated like an object for smaller humans to toy with until he has fully decomposed. Only the narrator seems to treat the giant with any sort of sympathy.

Snow in the Desert is the immortality story done right. A man who can regenerate and has been on the run for so many years is hunted down. After being alone for so long, he finds a companion that wants to stay with him. I won’t spoil the rest because I think other people should watch it.

All Through the House is the holiday special I never knew I wanted. Two children wake up and sneak down to see Santa, but they instead find something else. I won’t spoil it because I actually want other people to watch this one. Call me weird, but I found this one to be actually really cute!

The Tall Grass is my number one pick. I was shocked to see it placed so low on everyone else’s list. The story was short and sweet, tension was high, and the art-style has this beautiful wooden carving look to it. Absolutely recommend watching this one. Especially if you enjoy ideas about the border between life and death.

I was under the impression that everyone loved a good ghost story, but apparently they like an 18 minute long film about killing babies more.

[ussjellyfish]

please have snow and mistletoe | gen | Skimmons, Philinda | Agents of SHIELD

written for @agentsofchallenges​ as a pinch hit for @maybebrilliant​!!

Merry Christmas, lovely! I hope you enjoy this. We’ve had some awful weather and that just seemed to work. 

read on ao3

Jemma and Daisy were supposed to go see her parents for Christmas but it's snowing and the flights are cancelled the hotels are full and they're in the worst airport Jemma's ever seen.

So May's going to come get them.

=======

"The flight's canceled," Jemma reports, flopping down on the bench, totally defeated. "So is everything else crossing the Atlantic Ocean that's not a boat, and I think they're turning those back too."

Daisy pats her shoulder and finishes the last of her cold coffee. "Guess we should call your parents."

"They'll be so disappointed," Jemma says, taking a breath. She probably wouldn't be near tears if it wasn't the middle of the night in potentially the worst airport on the eastern seaboard. Newark was crowded, so many flights had been delayed or cancelled that she and Daisy had barely gotten a bench after they'd barely gotten through customs. They'd already queued for hours, had terrible food, and the bathrooms were overcrowded and everyone was annoyed. Everyone was so annoyed that the air seemed to crack with it.

"Hey," Daisy said, smiling. "They'll understand. We can get a hotel or go back to base and we'll try again."

"Before the world ends or we get attacked by killer robots."

Daisy laughs and leans back. "We're good at that though, so it'll have to be another horrible thing."

"Like aliens." Jemma tries to smile. "Or weeping angels."

"Why are the angels sad?"

"Oh they're not actually weeping they're just covering their faces because they're evil and they're going to get you as soon as you stop looking."

Daisy grins. "Wait, what?"

"It's complicated, but the gist of it is that the angels sneak up on you when you're not looking at them."

"And they're evil."

"So evil."

"So let's not fight them." Daisy pulls her feet up and wraps her arms around her knees. "What do we do if there's no flight?"

"We rent a car-"

"Oh no, it's like The Day After Tomorrow death blizzard out there, we're not driving, you get annoyed with the traffic around the Playground."

"I'm only pointing out that roundabouts would be much more efficient."

"Uh huh." Daisy takes another sip of her coffee and frowns. It must be gone. Daisy looks for the bin, but of course there's no bin, this airport is the 8th circle of hell.

"We could get a hotel, hang on," Daisy opens up her laptop, touches something, does something else and even in hell, Daisy has wifi because she's Daisy. She's probably hacking NASA or something.

"Dammit," Daisy mutters after a few minutes.

"Let me guess, they're all booked."

"Everything. So many people are stuck here that I can't find a hotel anywhere within a hundred miles."

"And we'd have to get the hundred miles."

"Yeah." Daisy rubs her eyes. "We could just sleep here."

"In an airport?"

Daisy shrugs. "It's not the worst. It's safe, but the stupid lights are on all night and it's really not very comfortable."

Jemma sighs, buries her head in Daisy's shoulder and groans. "Spending the night in the airport on Christmast?"

"With a couple thousand of our stranded new friends," Daisy mutters. "Better call May and tell her we're not leaving the country."

It's somehow one of the shortest and most touching conversations of her life.

"May's coming to get us."

"What?" Daisy asks, eyes wide. "It's like...actual hell out there."

"She's driving, she said two hours, maybe three, but she'll be here before dinner."

Daisy shakes her head. "Okay."

"That's really nice of her."

"She is really nice."

"I know, I just--" Jemma stops, because she really can't complain about not getting to see her parents for Christmas because she's seen them every other Christmas of her life and she has parents, and a wonderful girlfriend and May who's coming to get them through the worst blizzard of the last sixty years.

She still wants to be home. She's earned it. It's been such a long year. She sniffs, and shakes herself out of it.

"What movies do you have on your laptop?"

Daisy wraps an arm around her and they settle in as best they can. May will be here.

Oddly enough, two hours later it's Coulson who comes in to get them. He's all wrapped out, parka and hate and scarf and a big smile for both of them.

"Come on, May's just outside." He hugs them, Daisy first, then Jemma, and it's so terrible outside that he somehow smells like snow and cold.

"Aren't you--?" Daisy asks and Coulson just smiles.

"I didn't want to leave May alone in the base for Christmas."

"She said she doesn't celebrate Christmas."

"We like not celebrating together," Coulson says, but there's something that makes him smile about that. "Give me your luggage."

"It's on the plane already, or not unloaded, or--" Jemma stumbles over the words, yawning, and Daisy finishes.

"I think they're going to have to drop it off with us."

"That bad huh?"

"It's Newark," Daisy grumbles, folding her arms. "I wanted to just let May fly us."

"We can't possibly ask May to fly us to my parents house."

"She'd love too," Coulson reminds them both, leading them towards the frozen hellscape of outside. They have to stop talking as they reach the doors because the wind screams around them and whips ice and snow like a sandstorm.

Hell is frozen, and all the devils are here. They hurry into the (once) black SHIELD SUV that's covered in so much ice and snow that's it's almost grey-white.

Daisy doesn't even have a hat because it was nice when they left and they tumble into the backseat, rubbing their fingers together and trying to catch their breath.

May turns around, looking at them both with a very gentle smile. "There's food in the backpack, hot chocolate in the thermos and blankets. Phil, where did you put their hats and mittens?"

"They're in the cloth bag. You didn't really take the hard core winter gear."

"Yeah, it was like 40 degrees when we left the base." Daisy buckles up and grabs the backpack. "I'm starving."

"We thought so, the food here is terrible."

"The worst," May agrees, checking that they're in before she pulls out from the curb. Another car slides past them, like actually slides and Jemma grabs Daisy's hand.

Daisy pats her knee with a smile and mouths "It's May."

It's not that Jemma doesn't have every confidence in May, she does. May is a legend at everything she does, it's just that the weather outside is actually legendarily bad. They crawl along on the freeway, surrounded by giant trucks that can't stay on the road and Jemma counts fourteen cars in the ditch before they're even out of New Jersey.

Daisy leans over, close enough that Jemma can smell the hot chocolate on her lips. "Stop panicking."

"Did you not see the cars in the ditch? The overturned lorry trucks? The complete lack of plows and gritters?"

"What's a gritter?"

"Those big lorries that throw grit on the roadway."

"Grit?" Daisy teases, eyebrows high.

"Stop making fun of me, you know what I mean."

"I do, I just like making fun of you."

Jemma rolls her eyes and tries to forget about the chance of them spinning into a ditch and spending the night sleeping in the SUV. Does SHIELD have any anti-ice and snow technology? Is there some kind of SAT NAV that May can follow out of the storm.

"Stop panicking," Daisy whispers again.

"How are you not?" Jemma snaps back in a whisper. "That car almost hit us."

"Look." Daisy points carefully in the dim light. It takes Jemma far too long to figure out what she's looking at.

Coulson's hand is on May's knee. It's innocent enough, maybe he's just- but it's right there and it looks like it's been there a long time.

"That's not all," Daisy whispers, smiling at the secret she's discovered. "Wait a minute."

Jemma curls up with Daisy and the blankets in the backseat and watches as Couls holds on May's tea so she doesn't have to look away from the road. They talk in low tones, and Jemma and Daisy can't hear them over the sound of ice thudding against the roof and the windows, but sometimes one of them will laugh.

May, laughs, while driving through the worst mess Jemma's ever seen. Time crawls, Daisy falls asleep for a while, then Jemma, but when she wakes up again, they're still driving, and Coulson's hand is on the back of May's neck.

She couldn't really tell what he's doing unless May's getting some kind of stress headache, and Coulson's hand is really hidden in her hair, except the snow's softer now and she can hear them talking.

Still not quite the words, but there's something almost flirty in the way Coulson won't stop looking at May.

Of course, they have a connection, years of history. They're really good friends.

Except friends don't really spend lonely holidays together alone at a secret base.

Jemma falls asleep wondering what they're saying, because May's laughing again and even in the middle of the darkest, most miserable, cold and wet Christmas Eve she's ever had, there's something nice about being curled up with Daisy just listening.

====

"We're home," Coulson says, shaking her a little. "Nice and safe and warm in the garage."

Jemma slowly blinks herself awake, stretching as she crawls out of the car. Daisy stands by the other door, still half asleep. They both yawn and check their phones. It's well after two in the morning.

"Happy Christmas, mum and dad," Jemma whispers to her phone and sends them a text. Maybe she'll see them by New Year.

Daisy circles the back of the SUV, whistling at the snow. "I didn't know the roads could be that bad."

"May did a great job."

Hugging Jemma sleepily, Daisy nods. "Course she did, she's Agent May."

Still arm in arm, they walk towards the front of the SUV to thank Coulson and May for coming to get them, but they stop.

They're kissing.

Not just, light, gentle, Happy Christmas, kissing, but wrapped around each other as if this kiss is the first one of the rest of their lives. There should be music with this kiss.

Daisy stops, mouth open.

Jemma should pull herself together but she doesn't. She stares too, because they keep going until both of them are gasping for breath.

"Ummm."

"Merry Christmas," Coulson says, blushing a little.

"Mistletoe," May says, pointing up at the high ceiling of the garage.

There's nothing up there. Jemma looks and Daisy looks and they both nod and May grabs Coulson's hand and they walk into the base together, Coulson's arm around her shoulders.

Daisy stares and stares and then her expression softens, warms. "They--"

Jemma kisses her, stopping her speculation. When they part, Daisy looks at her, confused.

"Mistletoe," Jemma teases and Daisy rolls her eyes.

"You know there's nothing up there."

"Maybe that's the point."

Daisy strokes her hair, then smiles. "Sorry. you're stuck here."

"I'm not," Jemma says, and now, finally, wrapped in Daisy's arms, she might mean it.