#CRACK : WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE

[ikkaku-of-heart]

Ikkaku to Zoro

@kaizokugaris you can't tell me that this isn't a conversation they've had at least once or twice. He is so hard to flirt with sometimes lol. Luckily she finds it as oddly charming as it is frustrating.

[tetsuwan-atom]

Suddenly...

BLAHAJ???

[vinnoa-articles]

The Clean Confession

[Image by Eiichiro Oda]

Rating: Anyone

Word count: 2,796

Type: Fluff

Characters: reader (anyone), Traflagar D Law, the Heart Pirates

Trigger warnings/content: Some tension, implied nudity, sleep-deprivation

Note for new One Piece readers/watchers: Traflagar Law always calls someone by their name and adds a "Ya" after. His crew is primarily made up of humans, except Bepo whom is a white polar bear that can talk. Law also has the ability to manipulate space. He will say "Room" to make the space, then "Shambles" to switch the person or thing out with som

"Y/N-ya", seeing the snapping of his fingers, the T and H blurring wasn't what Y/N should be seeing; rather, their vision blurred. "Oi oi, you can't be picking up my habits now."

The Polar Tang was quiet, some sounds of sea creatures swimming by as if they were uneasy with the presence of the Captain of the Heart pirates. A splitting migraine was spawning at the temples of Y/N's skull. There wasn't much left to assist the captain with at this point, however, with how little he had slept too, it was all becoming just an endless cycle of working in pure darkness. The submarine hadn't gone up for air, or at least they hadn't seen the surface as they were constantly stuck in the library. Sometimes when they were out of the room, they would glance at the air bubbles rising and dancing around the windows of the sub. "You aren't making any progress, and you need rest."

"Says you", they retorted quickly, nearly cotton-mouthed with how little they were drinking water. The captain was dumb, well, sometimes. Metal warping under the weight of water, as if signaling that the sounds were much louder in both mate’s ears. Seas calling out for them, beckoning for more adventure. A heavy groan slipped past the captain’s lips as he tilted his cap forward, hiding the prominent bags under his eyes. “I only learned from the best, and adapted from the cap!”

“Don’t act so childish,” Law pointed at Y/N, trying to guide authority and their glance to their face. “I am telling you to go to bed Y/N-ya.” Frustrated was the main emotion, mixed with fatigue.

“Doctor’s orders?” Another unblockable groan. His hair was beyond greasy, as if neglecting his own health even. His very toned body looked almost frail in the candlelit library. Yellow sun bleached pages, emanating the dark scribbles in the notebooks. Being told what to do is what made Law angry, but both figures were living off the fumes of smoke, stale coffee and body odor. His eyes locked on the person next to him, his eyes drooping almost the floor was calling for him to just lie down and nap. “As a doctor myself, you need rest too. Along with a bath.” Y/N’s eyes looked like the color was drained of life, yet they sparkled for more information. “Unless you have better orders.” The captain tried to speak, but what came out was a tonguetied garble of letters. Realizing that nothing was coherent even in his ears, his cheeks flushed a slight shade of pink on his tanned skin. “That settles it,” clapping the open book between their hands, they weakly smile. “The bath should be ready anyway, let’s head there right now.” Y/N got up and stretched their arms above their head, cracking and moaning softly at the release of air in their joints.

“Are you implying we bathe together at the same time?” As if his scruff was doing all the talking. It was kind of unsettling how often Law stayed up to just study, make plans and take care of his crew. Even Y/N saw that as clear as day. Y/N sighed then grabbed the shoulders of the captain. Trying to lift him up out of his chair, as for some reason, his body obeyed under his crewmate’s touch.

“You bathe with Bepo all the time.”

“I don’t with the others,” quickly snapping his jaw to make sure there weren't any other ideas. He treasured Bepo a lot, to the point he has gone to concerts with him, even bent rules to make his favorite bear happy.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if someone washed your back and just relaxed for once? I can just help you out for once,” Law could feel the smile that Y/N was trying to muster up to ease the doctor’s mind. It was true, no one has ever really been in such a vulnerable and small space with Law, other than Bepo that is.

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt,” he finally admitted. Setting his book down quietly, they both slowly trudged to the bathing area to meet the fresh scent of bath water, bamboo soap and some steam. Making it the all familiar blue door, Y/N pushed all their weight against the door as their wrist had all of its power drained. A few seconds after they opened the door, Law dragged his feet, almost closing the door but not caring to have the door meet the frame. A very slow lift of his tight hugging tee, gripped onto his lean frame. He turned around only to be met with Y/N was slowly peeling off their bootcut jeans, gasping as they bent back up, meeting the eyes of the captain. They stared at each other, seeing if one would move before they moved themselves. It was awkward, seeing half their bodies exposed in such an intimate space, but then again, the fatigue was slowly getting to them.

“I-...um,” Y/N softly spoke. “You diagnosing me or somethin’ doctor?” Eyes frantic, he shook his head and turned around. He isn’t used to seeing something not furry within the same space as him. His companion also took in the sight of his small frame. Seeing if his body changed size, or if they were getting used to his body not half-exposed.

“Shut up. I just zoned all was all,” voice wavering as his eyes were trying to comprehend what his body was trying to take in.

“Or is it, you are socially awkward with people in general.”

“No! I mean…I-” his words trailed off as he snaked out of his pants and underwear in one swift swoop, as Y/N chuckled and took off their top and placed it on top of their disheveled clothes on the counter. “You won’t speak of this with anyone you understand?” Y/N laughed as they grabbed a clean towel and put it on top of their arm, waiting for the captain to make a move towards the bathroom. “I mean it Y/N-ya!”

“Alright alright,” giving up finally. His clothes folded nicely next to Y/N’s, grabbing his own black towel as well. “You going to block the door or…” 

“Oh, right right,” Y/N said, opening the door. The hot steam hitting their face immediately, the bright light nearly blinding the two figures stepping into the shower section. Small stools placed in front of the mirrors so that no one would miss a spot to scrub. Y/N hovered at one of the stools, and glanced at their captain. As if giving permission to sit down, and scrub first.

“I’ll scrub you first,” Law offered. Propping themselves behind Y/N, he soaked a small washcloth that was hanging nearby and pumped body wash, rinsing it quickly with water and then rubbing the towel against itself to create small bubbles. He grasped Y/N’s shoulder, making sure that they wouldn’t move as he gently worked on scrubbing the dead skin, sweat, dust, scent of dust off Y/N’s spine. Small moans and groans spilled from Y/N’s lips. The bliss of finally feeling the grime come off their skin was nice, especially since they are finally relaxing for once. Stress and fatigue slowly went down the drain, as Law scrubbed every curve of Y/N’s body. Until they felt a long drag from the towel move from the top right shoulder blade down near their lower spine.

“Captain, let me scrub you.” Law was definitely starting to fall asleep, his rough exterior was different in how he washed Y/N’s body and lightly took care of them. Afterall, it was his job to make sure his patients are well taken care of, and his crew was no different.

“No no, I am not done-”

“Captain, you have been up longer than I have. Let me take care of you doctor,” Y/N slowly getting up from their stool and slowly getting up, not trying to slip on the suds and getting behind Law.

“Oi, oi, oi. Don’t stand behind me like that-” His eyes were frantic as it was his blind spot, knowing that anyone could attack from behind, he is always careful, but extra careful in this current state. Y/N pushed him down to sit down on the stool, to make sure he would comply.

“I insist,” which didn’t make him feel any better. Law could use his abilities while he is still out of the water to his fullest capacity. It wouldn’t hurt to relax for once. His assistant made work scrubbing his body, quickly, a little sloppily, but thoroughly. Tilting his head back as Y/N slowly poured a small basin of water through the oily locks. The doctor’s body relaxed into the stool, leaning against Y/N as if he was falling asleep right there. His long lashes flutter shut, as his breathing became deep and even, his body easing against Y/N’s.

“Yes,” he breathed out. It felt nice for once- “Hey watch where you are touching!” Sitting upright at the towel dragged on his abs. His assistant backed up, looking ashamed and nearly bowing at a ninety-degree.

“I…Sorry boss. I asked if you wanted me to scrub your chest, and you said yes, so…” they looked so embarrassed. Law could tell they meant well, shaking his hair as the droplets splashed against the mirror. They sat down next to law, rinsing off the remaining tiredness and soap of their body, law looked them up and down and rinsed off the soap off his own. When did his assistant look so good? It would be a lie if he said he wasn’t attracted to Y/N’s wit, personality and a smidge of their looks. He never paid it any mind because they were crewmates, doctor and assistant, and just straight up friends. The air felt thick in the library earlier, but both figured it was just the air that hadn’t been let out from the room for a while. He saw their bare legs, the color of their eyes, the way their mouth parted when they stared back in the changing area.

“You know Y/N-ya, I wonder how we even became this way,” Law asked as he stood up to finally dip his feet into the hot waters, water wrapping around his tired body like a blanket. His groan rumbled in his chest, echoing off the humid air.

“I think about this as well,” they hummed out as their legs submerged under the warmth. They sat across each other, eyes closed, basking in such a relaxing fresh atmosphere. It’s been days since they left that room, not only that, a mental break as well. “If I hadn’t treated you, maybe we would have never met.” There was the snarkiness that sometimes put him back into reality. There was a reason why he was attracted to Y/N’s being. He wanted to explore that aspect of them, knowing what was so different about them than his crewmates whom he threatened to put under the scalpel if they didn’t behave.

“Y/N…so….” his lashes attracted water, as the droplets fell into the bath. Their bodies were so far apart, yet their voices reached each other’s ears as if they were in front of each other’s faces. “Why come along?” That was a question that his crewmates asked, and they got the simple answer of “A secret”. This time it felt different.

“Hmm,” they pondered. “To learn about new walks of life and medicine,” explaining much deeper than earlier. Law’s eyes opened, staring at the ceiling. “Not only that, maybe knowing someone to the point they would be my standard of how to diagnose people.” So that is why. They were not interested in love, they were not interested in fighting, they genuinely wanted to help people. “That’s why I know you are 191cm, maybe 187cm when you slouch, weight roughly 85kg, blood type F, waist size-”

“Alright alright, enough. You know me so well,” he grumbled. “It's as if you are dating me, geez,” Y/N could sense he was rolling his eyes out of embarrassment.

“What? Doesn’t your crew know more about your personal moments?” Y/N teased. It’s been awhile since they talked normally like this, instead of just medical tactics. A soft splash of water, he shifted his weight so he was leaning against the side of the bath.

“To be honest, yes they do know of those moments, but no one knows me that personally,” which perked up the ears of Y/N. “Which reminds me, with how long you have been here, how long are you intending on staying?”

“Erm, as long as you are willing to let me stay captain,” they spoke out bashfully. Law nearly slipped and dunked his head under. That took him by surprise for sure. “I quite like your presence,” confessing that there may be more beneath the teasing and witty surface. “Heck, if you would let me…”

“Would you stay by my side?” They both sputtered out.

“Huh?”

“Oi oi, no way-” Law shook, splashing a wave of water at Y/N, clawing his way out of the bath. “We didn’t just confess something did we?” Trying to find his path out of the bath as fast as he could.

“I guess we did doc-...I mean Law,” they said, almost teasing and cooing at him. “It will be lovely seeing you in the morning at the table for once.” A short growl came out, as his wet footsteps printed the wooden floorboards of the bathing area.

“N…no you won’t!” Chuckling as his towel slipped off his thin waist as he slammed the bath doors shut. He was definitely awake now. He ran to his private quarters, his clothes in hand, trying to keep his wet towel from coming off completely. Drops of water getting all over his fresh sheets that Penguin probably put on for him, despite Law always asking him not to go into his private room without permission. Grabbing a pair of folded boxers from on top of his dresser, he hastily put them on and flopped on his bed. The cold air raking his body, sending shivers down his spine. “What am I going to do with you?” Feeling his eyes close, sighing. “I’ll figure it out in the morning…”

A loud knocking came from the front door, and Law’s droopy eyes opened up. He felt, for once, not tense, not agitated, but free. Running his fingers through his coarse locks, he got up and opened the door. “What?” Bepo, Penguin, Shachi, Ikkaku, and Uni fall into his room with tears running down their faces.

“Boss!” They exclaimed, clearly full of worry from his lack of leaving the library. Law’s jaw dropped to the floor, jumping back so he wouldn’t fall beneath their weight. “You finally are back!” Jumping out to hug him, but with the flick of his wrist, his palm from a downward position, to up.

“Room…” he muttered softly, looking at his favorite bear, regretting that he was going to do this to them. “I’ll see y’all at brunch,” he shook his head finally. “Shambles.” They were gone, but all five were replaced with towels. Transporting them to the changing room that he had just been just less than a day ago. Grumbling about how he can’t get peace anywhere, he starts putting on his tank and skinny jeans. Thinking about what happened the night before as what he heard was just something that maybe he heard through his sleep-deprived brain. He didn’t want to think about his feelings if he confessed it in the bathroom. Law grabbed his sword and made his way with a spring in his step to the dining hall. Where he met a bunch of happy faces eager to eat with him.

“B-boss!” Bepo piped up again.

“Yeah yeah, let’s eat.” A smile creeping onto his face as Penguin gave him a cup of his favorite coffee.

“Kind of nice to eat with all of us, isn’t it Law”, spewing out some coffee at Penguin’s face, he looked at the direction that teasing voice was from. “Thanks for that personal talk Law. I won’t forget it,” Y/N smirked while drinking their glass of water.

“What did you talk about?!” Bepo demanded.

“Tell us!” Penguin grabbing Law by the collar. Law’s smile turned into a slight frown, realizing that what happened last night was not a fever dream. He is going to have to deal with the confession after his cup of coffee and calming his jealous crewmates, before confirming what status his assistant would be to him.

[someoneslightlygay]

Silly Game Time: COMPLETE THE PHRASE! "We all live in a yellow submarine for about a month out of the year. The rest of the time, we live in ____."

a crack house in Belgium. It’s not nice, but the rent’s cheap and sometimes Paul gets into the stash and forgets to eat so there’s more food for the rest of us

[give-soup-please]

(i'm gonna post a small section of my "Human Experience" project here. This is a non-canonical little snippet that takes place within the universe, but will probably not show up in the official story.)

Chapter ???: Teasing (non-canonical)

I was surprised when I came home this evening. The narrator was waiting for me, and there was a single drink of hot chocolate on the table. 

There was an odd look on his face as I stared at the mug. Quickly, he said-

“I didn’t make this for you.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I mean- that is to say- I just happened to make this, it doesn’t have any meaning.”

I caught on. “Yeah, sure.” My smile was wide. “Even though this drink isn’t for me, the timing is nice. The perfect temperature right as I walked in.”

“Well, if you insist on having it-”

“Oh, no, really. You said it wasn’t for me, so it must be for you. Interesting though, it’s in my favorite mug. The one with the yellow submarine on the side. You have good taste in mugs, that’s for sure.” My arms were crossed, but I was grinning.

“Yes, well- I could have chosen any mug from your cabinet. It’s only by chance that it happened to be your favorite.”

“Right, and the candy cane lovingly placed on the side of the drink, with the miniature marshmallows melting just the way I like it… A shame I can’t have it.”

“...”

I shrugged. “It is a bit sad though, because if you did make it for me, I’d say it’s a really sweet gesture.”

“Would you?”

“Yes, I would. But, seeing as it wasn’t made for me, that bit of praise is meaningless, so it shouldn’t be said.”

“Oh no, do go on.”

“How can I? If it was made for you-”

He rolled his eyes. But, his face had been slowly turning pink over the course of the conversation. God, I loved teasing him. 

“-Then it’s an act of self care.”

“Which is commendable.”

“I didn’t say it wouldn’t be commendable, but-”

“For heaven’s sake, drink your hot chocolate!” He snapped. I laughed, and then took a sip. Warmth flushed through my body, and I sighed in contentment.

“Thanks, this is a sweet gesture.” I said, because it had to be said. I took a swig. “Really nice, best cup I've had in a while.”

There was a shift in his expression. Something… devious. He stretched grandly, looking very proud of himself.

“Well, yes, of course. And your willingness to drink this hot chocolate is clearly a token of trust and friendship on your part.”

I choked on my drink. “You- I-”

His smugness was growing. “Indeed, your affection for me is clearly growing, if you’re so desirous to have me confirm these acts of service as being for you.”

“I don’t- Affection? That’s going too far.”

His smile widened, a mirror image of my own smile from earlier.

“Yes, and I suppose the fact that you enjoy hearing me talk is just a coincidence.” 

“A nice voice is a nice voice. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“...Yes, and you spend as much time with me as you do-”

“Because I’m bored and in need of entertainment. You provide a service, nothing more.”

“Indeed! And me being the first person you come to when something good or bad happens-”

“-We live together, that’s a matter of convenience. You’re close by, that’s all.” I was starting to crack under the strain.

“Right, and your unwavering support of me for the past few months has no greater meaning whatsoever.”

“It’s called being polite.” The lies were getting too big to hold. My face was steadily approaching a dark red.

“Yes, and it’s a sense of politeness and nothing else that has caused you to reach out and comfort me when I need it.”

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

One of his eyebrows was raised. “Hmm? Nothing to say? No defense to make?”

“Y-You started it with this whole making hot chocolate business!” I exclaimed. “You’re the one who-”

“-Ah, but it was you who reached out to me first, back when I still lived in the parable.”

Shit.

He hummed in satisfaction. “I hope this has taught you a valuable lesson in trying to out-tease me.” His voice dropped, just a bit. “You’re dealing with a master, Jay. Don’t forget that.”

I spluttered for a few moments, and he watched, entertained.

“Well!” I half yelled. “Looks like I have no choice but to keep trying!”

He laughed. “And I look forward to your every attempt to get the better of me, and watching you fail each time.”

I stormed out the room. I took the hot chocolate though, there was no sense in letting it go to waste.  

[chromatic-lamina]

seaside and floaties one piece fanfic excerpt

Just feeling a bit anxious at the moment with real-life obligations, and posting some of my AO3 stuff relieves it a little. This is Marco/Law not swimming, but doing their best to stay in the water. Light humour. They’ve got a one-eyed, short-haired, stumpy, barrel-chested dog called Misery, and a bunch of thieves who steal wallets buried in the sand. 

Post-canon AU, but powers retained, and canon elements. SFW. 

🐶⛱🏊🏿‍♀️🐶⛱🏊🏿‍♀️🐶⛱🏊🏿‍♀️

You wouldn't think a one-eyed creature could swim so well."

"Anything swims better than us."

Marco wrapped an arm around Law's waist and drew him near. Law, arms crossed, turned his head Marco’s way for a beat. Steadied his footing. Looked back as Misery paddled out into the sea, picked up a stick thrown for her and swam back in. The salt water had to taste bad.

She loved the ocean. So did they of course, and they could stay afloat on top of it, in a vessel, or under it in a submarine, but they couldn't physically submerge themselves and let go and trust the water and currents to carry them from one point to the next. They'd drown.

She ran up to them, shaking droplets all over their hairy legs—board shorts were the order of the day, even if they only went in as far as their knees. Franky tried to convince them of the benefits of Speedos, but the two pirates were strangely modest. Plus, Robin might be lurking nearby and she had no mercy. Board shorts hid the fishing tackle a whole lot better.

They'd tether a floatie ring to the shore, or wear them themselves, tough guys be damned. The floaties looked particularly cute around Law's badassmotherfucker bicep tatts, and Marco never failed to snort as his lover inflated them and slid them along his muscled arms.

They were like city kids—fluent in the ways of back-alley streets, but pale and jelly-legged on sand or sea. Even if they'd spent their lives on it. On it. Under it. Not in it.

Law's gruff wheeze of a laugh joined Marco's. It didn't stop them.

Once, Law had chased down some bozos who'd taken off with their wallets, his wet boardies stuck to his thighs, yellow floaties (with Hearts' symbols) pumping up and down as he ran after them. Then he remembered his power and those kids never knew what hit them. Smoker had taken their statements and visited Law and Marco at home.

"Said a bunch of putzes..."

"Us?" Marco asked.

Smoker chomped on his cigar. That meant yes.

"Only two of us," the Phoenix added.

"Anyway, a galoot of galahs."

"Two, just two of us," Law corrected, "And the dog."

"I think they're using that word incorrectly," Marco murmured, turned his teacup. "Galoot. I think a galoot is a galah."

"Galoshes of galahs?" Law suggested.

"They're wellies. Wellington boots."

Marco looked at the window, all innocence, to avoid the devilment in Law's quick grin. He knew the Heart was imagining galoshes-wearing-galahs galooting in a downpour, like umbrella-twirling tap dancers.

Smoker glowered at them. "Some floatie-wearing hard-arse greenhorns dismembered them and dropped them on the foreshore."

"They lived to tell the tale?" Law asked, a tumbler mug of green tea in his hands disguising the curve of his lips. "They sound ghastly."

"Especially the floatie part." Marco bent under the table and scratched Misery's fur. She thumped her tail.

"The kids admitted they'd been trying to lift wallets."

"Do tell." Law and Marco had taken precautions and buried them in the sand while they paddled. Their possessions should have been safe. Who'd they think they were messing with?

"And so they're not pressing charges."

"Huh."

"But just be careful, Law, about separating people from their bodies."

"Is it illegal?" He thought stealing wallets also wasn't high on the list of judiciary approval.

Smoker knew if Law used his power, subjects wouldn't be hurt. "No, but it scares the fuck out of everyone."

There should be a law against it. Sent ripples of fear through the community. "If you two still wanna play pirates, do it on the wide open unchartered seas."

Recidivists. Not reformed in the slightest.

"Scares them even if we've got floaties on?" Law and Marco sent each other a glance, and had to look down at the table to stop a fit of unmanly giggles.

"We look pretty suburban." It pained Marco to say it, but it was true.

Smoker cracked a smile, quickly hidden by bitter coffee. One of the "victims" had taken a snap. Smoker almost expected the irate man bearing down upon them, yellow floaties prominent, to be wearing an Edwardian one-piece swimsuit, and to have a little jiggly beer belly.

"Well done," he growled, and ran his foot over Misery's hide, "Just how do you manage to threaten and protect while wearing floaties, of all the goddamned things?"

Marco looked at their tea-towel collection, at Law's tea-towel collection. Smoker really had to ask? "One of Trafalgar's many skills."

"We've got a rubber ring, Smo-ya. It's cute. Got daisies on it. Nami gave it to us."

Marco stood and walked to the kitchen. "Charged us, Law. We had to pay her for the pleasure." He brought back a mandarin each for all. Sat and peeled his, looked over to Smoker. "Sure, big guy. Next time you want to join us, just ask. You don't have to arrest a bunch of losers to impress us."

🐶⛱🏊🏿‍♀️🐶⛱🏊🏿‍♀️🐶⛱🏊🏿‍♀️

Law, earnestly leant forward on a Bepo-shaped pool float. Marco mixed the drinks at the poolside bar and Smoker rolled his cigars on the edge of an ashtray set up on his daisy-patterned float. Both fruit-users' stacked arms were encased in floaties. Smoker's bore the Marines' symbol.

Misery ran up and down the side of the pool, and it was Tashigi's job to fetch either one of them out of the water when they tumbled in. All it took was one point needing emphasis, one grown man leaning too far. There went the cigars, Law's do. Thank goodness for the floaties. And Tashigi.

Turning circles, Misery barked, and Marco for the life of him was sure she was laughing.

🐶⛱🏊🏿‍♀️🐶⛱🏊🏿‍♀️🐶⛱🏊🏿‍♀️

This is again from a dark fic (most of the excerpts are), and is actually from a dark chapter, so I’ll just post what’s above, but a link to my AO3 is in the header of the blog. Hope it can be enjoyed without the full context of the story or verse. 

[britishchick09]

help! livewatch

to kick off my beatleversary, we’re taking a look at my fellow beatle fan (aka my dad)’s fave movie from the lads... help! i’ve only seen 15 minutes of ‘a hard day’s night’ because it was a bit boring and ‘yellow submarine’ was fantastic, so i hope this falls right in between. let’s go get some help!

...why are we back to the end of return of the jedi?

sacrifice WHAT’S HAPPENING

OMG the sacrificial ring!!! :o

wait does ringo have it?

people: “ring ring ring ring!!!” john in ob-la-di-ob-da-da anthology: “a ring!”

and it goes right into ‘help!’ clever one lads ;)

the movie is in color yet this is in black and white like it’s on tv. coolio! :D

‘help’ is a bop! :D

you’d think the credits would play over them but nope :/

eyyy called it! :D

CALLED IT AGAIN!!!!!!

♫ won’t you pleeeeeease please

me!!! :D 

this guy keeps throwing darts on the screen and it’s so weird:

OMG lester like phil lester???? ;o

tribe chief: “we need to find the ring!” guy: “has nobody looked in the washbasin?” lol :D

so the guy is only finding the ring for himself and not the tribe?

cool they live at 221b! :D

lady: “still the same they was before they was!” grammar much?

pretty house! :D

JOHN YOU SNEAKY LIL BISH

he’s reading it in a hole how nice :)

george is using fake teeth to mow a lawn inside their house how epic :D

and paul is playing the organ! :D

ringo: “me finger’s stuck in the door” no rongles it’s “I HAVE THE DOOR IN ME FINGERS!!!!’

OMG RINGO SCREAM LET GO LADY!!!!!

also his hair is a hot mess

john: “that’s immature of you, son” says you

ringo thought the lady thought his fingie was a sandwhich lol :D

ooh light :o

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! :o

ringo just fell off the bed lol :D

john sleeps in the hole lol :D

why does john have a phone in the hole lol

he’s calling george and paul who are in the other rooms WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TALK TO THEM

and all he did was say ‘hello’ JOHN YOU DORK

the guy pronounced beatle ‘bee-ah-tle’ lol :D

guy: “they all look the same!” me before a year ago today

yo like harrods the store? :o

they keep saying ‘shilling’ why

ooh title!

groovy!

ringo to john: “what was it that first attracted you to me?” WOAH LENNSTARR???? john: “you’re very polite aren’t you?” yes that’s true thanks for not making it sarcastic :)

OMG MAGNETS!!!

john: “ah HA HA!!!!” op there’s the sarcastic bish!

two lads walking 0.2 feet apart in a 2 BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT BI!!!!

why are ringo and john saying the same things at the same time chaotic lads!

john: “what’s the matter?” ringo: “oh there’s no matter. OW OW OWWW!!!!” i think there’s a matter....

‘65 beatle girls: *swoon!!*

also don’t tell the lady she sucked up the wrong hand...

WELL THAT ESCALATED FAST

george keeps going ‘oh ho ho ho!!!” and i love it :D

they’re playing ‘you’re gonna lose that girl!’ :D

and it goes from not as clear film audio to clear recording audio which is weird

cool shot! :D (and beatle girls probably thought this was so hot)

ringo cig WHY

they have to do it again WHY IT WAS PERFECT

awww ringo’s dancing a bit :)

OMG :o

john: “you naughty boy!” don’t say that plz why :/

OMG THIS GUY’S GONNA CHAINSHAW WINGO :(((((

lady: “please flee!!!” ringo: “ok” lol :D

indian music! (you think this is how george started liking it?)

they’re seeking enlightenment! :D

ringo: “does this ring mean anything from you?” british guy: “freemason?” senpai wants your number

george is asking everyone if the blood rushes to them lol :D

OMG SOMEONE’S KILLING EVERYONE

guy: “could you pick this up for me please?” *knocks the chef out rapunzel style* lol :D

awww the lady wants to save ringo!

lady: “that’s the sacred ring!” paul: “say no more!” lady: “i can say no more!” lol :D

awww ringo is john’s best friend :)

oh no they have until 5 until a new victim is closing! :o

why is there a ticket in the soup

ringo: “that’s a season ticket!” john: “i love me a good seasoning” *puts it back in his soup* lol :D

ringo: “i got it from this eastern bird... lady” ;)

ringo can’t take the ring off!

george *about his soup*: “there’s footprints in here!” wut

THINGS ESCALATE SO QUICKLY IN THIS MOVIE!!!!

jeweler: “some problems are matrimonial” john: “eh heh heh” ;)

john wtf

the ring can’t be cut and it’s breaking the tools like rapunzel’s hair! :o

john: “you’re a failure, aren’t you scientist?” shut up plz

scientist: “voltage, up, up!” paul: “up up up up!!!” awww :)

scientist: “made in america you see!” john: “this is english” lol :D

john: “how do you feel?” ringo: “i used to use me hands” john: “he used to use his hands” lol :D

OMG I REMEMBER SEEING THAT WHEN I WAS A BABY FAN!!!!!

paulie likes it ;)

oh no the lady has a gun!! :o

the ‘brain drain’!

beatle logic: sing a song back home ALTHOUGH THEY SHOULD PROBABLY BE TAKING CARE OF THIS SERIOUS RING PROBLEM????

it’s ‘you’ve got to hide your love away’ so that’s cool :D

she’s not impressed :/ (but i am!)

john said the lady had ‘filthy eastern ways’ SHUT UP JAWN >:(

the lady wants ringo to shrink his fingo! :o

wait what

ooh intermission! :D

this is so random lol :D

PART 2 WAS JUST A LADY WASHING SOMEONE WTF WHY

that was random af and very family guy!

ringo’s allergic to penicillin like my mom! :D

OMG THE BAD GUYS ARE ATTACKING!!!!!!

my fave show! :D

JOHN IS ATTACKING IN THE HOLE ATTACK IN THE HOLE!!!!!

aww finger guns! :D

ringo’s crying at his suit having red all over :(

WHY IS THIS FIGHT SO CHAOTIC

ringo: “how can i get the ring off with me hands held up?” lol :D

ringo has a voice crack when he said ‘look!” :D

JOHN GON KILL U!!!!

john’s ‘get out’ is so good omg :D

oh no the scientists really want the ring now! :o

they’re in the snow for ‘ticket to ride’!!! :D

me lol :D

what a giffable shot! :D

:D

ooh music notes! :D

penny lane much? ;)

oh no the guys are watching them... ;)

the lads are saying ‘oh ho ho ho’ WHAT HIGH DORKS

OMG RINGO!!!!!!

he says ‘ouch ouch ouch’ when rolling down the snow lol :D

*OH HO HOS INTENSIFY*

evil snowman... >:)

the bad guys have a curling bomb and one of them keeps saying everything he does lol :D

george: “hey it’s thingie! a fiendish thingie!!” lol :D

guy: “useless! what rubbish!” *THINGIE BLOWS UP A SECOND LATER* lol :D

snowman battle! :o

guy: “in the name of kindness, stop! stop!” the lads: *don’t stop*

HOLY FRICK THEY’RE BEING FLAMETHROWERED

paul running into john at the train station... ;)

ooh sherlock holmes reference!!!!!! :D

:)

ringo: “they have a different religion... i think” lol :D

the scotland guy is mimicking ringo and ringo’s not impressed lol :D

why are the bad guys playing indian music in the phone booth WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE

999 is 911! :D

OMG IT’S MY FAVE HELP SONG ‘I NEED YOU’!!!!! :D

wowza editing in person! :o

paperback writer much? ;)

:D

‘she’s a woman’ from past masters is playing on a walkie talkie! :D

the chief thinks it’s shocking and hates it lol

chief: “take this hastily scribbled note hastily!” lol :D

motorcycle go brrrr

guy: “they shall not pass!” gandolf who

‘the night before is playing!!!! :D

:D

what a cool shot!

‘she’s a woman’ interrupted it no!!!! :/

OMG TNT

good ‘night before’ is back! :D

the lip syncing was kinda off tho

the bad guys are in camoflage and it’s like we’re in ww1!

the song ends ON A BIG AF EXPLOSION WTF

OMG THEY’RE USING MACHINE GUNS THIS IS SERIOUSLY WW1 NOW TH  FRICK

i came here to watch beatles NOT THE WAR

oh no john fell! :o

ringo: “get up johnny! get up for me, baby!” lennstarr tho ;)

so many explosions I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS

guy: “MISSED you naughty boys!!!” ...plz dont call them that :/

victory music is playing did the bad guys win???

wtf is going on THIS ISN’T THE GREAT WAR IT’S THE HELP! WAR

buckingham??? :0

i swear if john is in nothing but a sheet-

not your lockie’s palace ;)

ringo: “IT APPEARS i need one card. IT APPEARS i need to chuck one in” IT APPEARS that you need to emphasize that for some reason...

them playing cards is so domestic :)

ringo: “i don’t just use my drumstick for drummin’” paul: “well what else is it for?” ringo: “i use it!” OH GOD WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT RONGLES

john: “we’re risking our lives for the most useless member!” is that fingo or ringo

ringo: “let that be an end to it, END TO IT” same ringo

omg the palace is haunted! :o

OMG QUEEN REFERENCE???

OMG SOMEONE’S SHOOTING

the guards are tripping over each other!

the scientists are the guards!!!! :o

they made time slow down! :o

someone sprayed that red paint and the lads yeeted out of there! :o

they’re in a bar DRINK DRINK DRINK EVERYBOOODY!!!!”

paul to ringo: “you’re a rat underneath aren’t you?” OHHHHH ROASTED!!!!!

paul used to wink at paul... mcharrison has sailed! :D

OMG TIGER ROAR WHAT

ringo’s alone with it no! :o

thanks for the clarification?

lady to ringo: “don’t move!” ringo to ‘a tiger’: “don’t move, that’s what she said!” lol :D

why is she whistling the 9th symphony

they’re all singing it to make the tiger calm and ringo’s like “ok!!”

A WHOLE CROWD IS SINGING IT WHAT

this is legit abbey road! :o

ooh bahamas!

i love how george is taking pics of everything :D

i didn’t think cameras sounded like static back then tho...

oh no THE CHIEF IS THERE TOO!!!!! :o

BOI WHY DID HE SLAP A GUY

no the scientist is there too! :o

prepare for the beatle bahamas battle lads...

idk what pc is but they all the soldiers all named that

ooh ‘another girl’! :D

i heard it was cold when the lads filmed the movie so rip to their arms :/

CAKE

so much purple! :o

hey john! :D

george: “let’s play a game it’s called peep peep peep peep-“ yup THEY SO INCREDIBLY HIIIGHHHH

THEY’RE SAYING ‘OH HO HO HO’ AGAIN WHY

the lady said ringo’s getting ‘disembowled’ and john’s like “keeps ye busy eh?” like the lil’ bish he is

ringo: “i don’t want to knock anyone’s religion but-” *runs away*

bike lads! :D

they keep saying ‘let’s go back and get ‘em!” yep they hiiiigh

a triumphant one of ‘i’m so happy to dance with you’ is playing!! :D

OMG ONE OF THE BAD GUYS IS SKYDIVING

wtf bro

paul’s explaining things cryptically and george is like ‘why tho’

:D

paul: “there’s the temple and that swimming pool and... i’m lost” lol :D

ringo: “read on” B)

OMG ISSA TRAP!!!!

george: “typical!” lol :D

WHAT DOES ‘KAILI’ MEAN

RINGO GO UNDER!!

omg he’s in the orange blanket! :o

ringo: “HEEEEELP!!! help me!!!” title drop roll credits! :D

dere he is! :D

i remember seeing that before i was a fan and thinking it wasn’t beatles lol

john: “he’s got a plan” paul: “a really famous plan!” john: “a plan superintendent...” superintendent: “you see i’ve got a plan!” ...i think he has a plan

:D

OMG ‘HARD DAY’S NIGHT’ IS PLAYING SO TRIUMPHANTLY

the plan is baseball?

#spon

smoooosh

everyone’s calling for ringo and george is beating his chest lol :D

THE SCIENTISTS GOT WINGO NOOOOOO

scientist: “dust in the generator. gets everywhere” and it’s rough & coarse too...

the lady is saving ringo!

the scientist doesn’t need the ring now that he has...’nobel prize juice’?”

they keep saying ‘eastern’ as the language.... :/

ringo: “i can’t swim!” lady: “what do you mean you can’t swim?” he means HE CAN’T SWIM LADY!!!!

oh no THE SACRIFICE!!!!

the sacrifice involves a horrible, inaccessible name... voldemort?

he’s free!!!! :D

ringo: “i don’t subscribe to your religion!” lol :D

‘help’ is playing again! :D

and the chief has the ring now... >:)

;D

...what does that have to do with anything tho

and with the trippy credits came the end of the movie! the only help i’ll be needing is why it was more weird than yellow sub but i had such a fun time with it (especially the snow scene and ‘i need you’)! what a great movie! :D

[tetsuwan-atom]

prettyboywarrior​:

“Remember, asking for help means you aren’t good enough and you should always feel ashamed to do so.”

[tetsuwan-atom]

How to kill a fun ship, bring the dead crush back.

[psychedelic-ink]

New Dawn(by lunna-star-8)

Dear Sabo and Ace,

Things haven’t been the best since Marineford, smiling hurts and Luffy shows no sign of waking up… I don’t know what to do… I keep expecting to wake up and the war never happened, but no amount of wishful thinking will get me that… Either way, I’m still not quite sure what day it is, the only time I grabbed a newspaper I ended up reading the comic strip instead. Sorry about that, I’ll end up finding what day it is, eventually. Adding to the list of things I don’t know, I have no clue where we’re heading but, before either of you worry, let me tell you that I trust Law.

And no, don’t make those faces, he saved Luffy and he saved me after the war. You’d trust him too. He’s a nice guy when—-

My letter got interrupted by a loud siren and the feeling of the floor suddenly tilting all to one side. I held onto the bed that was clearly secure to the floor but I felt the whole submarine rattle for a minute before the siren quieted down and I heard the unmistakable sound of canon fire.

Without so much as a second thought, I put my notebook and pen to the side before I darted to the door, I try to push it open but it wouldn’t budge – he wasn’t kidding when he said he’d find a way to keep me in the room. But neither was I when I said it wouldn’t be that easy, I looked around the room because it had to have…

I smirked when I saw the bared square hole on the wall “Vents.” I climbed on top of my bed to be able to reach the opening. It was relatively easy to get the grid off and I could see Law’s office from where I was and my math told me I should be able to fit in the space “If you don’t stay in bed, your wounds will open up again. So stay in bed.” His voice basically rang in my head as I stared at his office. It’s not like they needed me, they’re a more than capable pirate crew and it’s not like I’d be much help in my current state anyway…

Suddenly, I remembered Ace and his blood on my hands, I remembered Bon’s voice as we passed through the gate, I remembered Luffy’s screams when he took a hit from Magellan for me… I looked over my shoulder to see him still lying unconscious where he had been since I woke up and as I blinked, I could see Law in my brother’s place hurt and bleeding, plagued with nightmares he couldn’t escape from… I thought of the kind polar bear, Bepo, that had been nothing but supportive since I woke up… Or Ikkaku that always seemed to have a friendly smile saved for me…

When another canon blast was felt across the ship, I turned back to the vent and made up my mind, I was going out there and try not to be seen. I wouldn’t fight unless I had to but I would not sit still and wait for someone else to take another blow for me. I forced my claws out and used them to help me onto the vent, with a lot more ease than I expected, I pushed my way through the tight space until my head came out right on top of Law’s desk. Immediately I noticed that his two massive bookshelves were missing which I assume were what was now blocking the infirmary’s door. By generating a bit of wind, I managed to trip the chair backwards so it was out of the way and then set my palms over the desk, easily slipping my legs out of the vent and allowing gravity to softly flip me onto the floor. I checked, nothing seemed to be bleeding or ripped or even hurting – much, or more than usual, you don’t just miraculously recover from something like that war without constant aching limbs.

Snapping myself out of my amazement, I opened the door and made my way out trying not to be spotted. It wasn’t hard, the halls were empty due to everyone being engaged in battle, after some wrong turns and a couple of canon shots later, I had made my way outside without being seen.

“GET TO STRAW HAT AND TIGER LUNA, MEN!” some marine called out as he ran for the submarine… Hadn’t we been through enough? Hadn’t they taken enough…?

Not a second after the marine first stepped onto the submarine, I saw the light blue aura of Law’s ‘room’ before the man was chopped into pieces, he was screaming but as live as anyone. As I saw the man’s pieces fall to the floor, I peeked around the corner to see that Bepo was the only one on the deck, easily kicking the ass of a bunch of marines that seemed to have underestimated the bear, beyond him, on board of one of the marine ships, I could make out Law in his yellow hoodie and white hat fighting marines like the supernova he is – “Sadistic little bastard…” I chuckled to myself but then shrugged “Can’t really say I wouldn’t do the same with his devil fruit though, seems fun.”

I looked back around the battlefield, feeling the tiger in me wanting to join in the fight, standing at the side-lines wasn’t really its thing and, to be perfectly fair, can’t say it was mine either. My eyes shift down where the marine is struggling to, literally, put himself back together – I couldn’t resist, I manipulated the air around him to lift his limbs as I stayed as hidden as I could. Clearly, the marine had no idea what was going on as I started to throw his arms and legs at the heads of other marines around, I have to say that I probably should’ve felt a bit bad for the man, but I didn’t. I left the head for last, trying to talk myself out of doing what I was thinking, but who knew if I’d ever get the chance again? Not to mention, it would be cathartic after everything. Pulling it closer with some softer breezes, I ignored the marine’s complaints before figuring out where I’d be aiming and grinned – the ship where Law was. I took a couple of steps back before quickly taking them back and kicking the head probably hard enough to crack his skull. It landed right on the head of another marine and— oH, ShIt! Law turned to the sub. I really hope he didn’t see me, or I’m dead meat.

I looked up at the dark blue sky that was lighting by the second and at the dark oceans behind us… “We can still see the sky, we can still see the ocean, it’s not like it’s hell here!” Usopp said once. We were in Enies Lobby, in the middle of a Buster Call and those words stuck with me, they rang true in my heart and came back to me as the ocean breeze caressed my hot skin. There was a fight going on behind me, my heart was racing as I was painfully aware that at any moment anyone could round up the corner and see me or even a marine ship could come around or anything, really! And here I was, longing for the horizon that calls my name… It felt like ages since I last heard the calling of the sea, that pull in my heart like the tides, that whisper in my ear as the wind passes, beckoning me to take a leap. It made my skin crawl with excitement, it made me want to take to the waves once again…

The call to the sea that all four of us shared – that all four of us share.

Expecting enough time to have passed for me to be in the clear, I peek out of the corner again only to be faced with two people. Reflexively, I punch one in the face and flip the other over my shoulder dropping him straight on the floor before I realize that it’s two guys from Law’s crew, I had seen them before “Oh! I’m sorry!” I quickly say realizing that the red haired one was holding onto his nose, where I had hit him “You really shouldn’t sneak up on people like that…”

The one on the floor grunted “Can’t you scream or something, like a normal girl?”

I shrugged “It’s called a fight or flight reaction; I hope you realize.” He glared at me from the floor “I’m still sorry though.”

“It’s fine…” the red-haired dismissed seeming to have established that I hadn’t broken his nose “Makes us wonder what the captain’s so worried about, you can clearly fend for yourself.”

I frowned “What do you mean, worried?”

The one on the floor got up as he chuckled, rubbing his back “Kicking severed heads around isn’t exactly subtle, you know?”

I rubbed my face in annoyance “Damnit, he saw me, huh?”

The red haired nodded “Oh yeah. Turned to us like, get that damn girl below deck before I have to go deal with her myself!”

I looked over at him with an eyebrow raised “And that’s ‘worried’ to you?”

“It is with the captain.” They both replied in unison and I found myself tilting my head in agreement.

“What are you doing out here anyway?” asked the one with – I had just noticed – a penguin hat on “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep? I don’t know, in bed at least?”

I rolled my eyes “Yeah, like I’m gonna stay in bed while you guys are out here fighting. I don’t think so.”

“Well, you kind of have to now.” The red haired one said “We have orders to take you back and that’s what we’ll do.”

I looked between the two of them, feeling like a scolded child but it’s not like I had a lot of choices “Fine!” I give in, knowing that there was no point in arguing “But just so you guys won’t get yelled at.”

“Very considerate.” Penguin hat guy quickly replied as they escort me back to the door I had very expertly sneaked out of.

I was resigning to having to sit it out, when I see Bepo hit the floor bleeding, two swords coming down on the bear – I’m reacting before I’m thinking – I rush over. I know I’m not strong nor fast enough to stop the marines, but I can cover Bepo.

And that’s what I do.

I throw myself over the injured bear, acting as a shield between him and the blades and I brace myself for the pain to come, but instead, I hear what seems like metal hitting metal. I open my eyes to find out that both boys from before had stopped the swords with their bare hands and proceeded to kicking the marines away. With adrenaline rushing through me like a river after heavy rain, I helped Bepo to his feet and got us back to the same door I was so reluctant to pass through before. He struggled to stop me, he didn’t want to leave the battle, his friends were still fighting but I wasn’t about to even give him a chance to argue.

Yes, I’m the queen of ‘I get to do stupid stuff while injured that I sure as hell won’t let anyone else do.’ Have anything to say? Fight me.

Bepo needed a doctor – Bepo needed Law. But his captain was now stuck fighting a Vice-Admiral and it’s not like there was anyone that could ‘take over’ sort to speak. The only way to get Bepo help was to get Law but the only way to get Law was to get rid of the Vice-Admiral and they were right, it’s not like I was in any condition to get in a real fight, let along one with a Vice-Admiral…

There was, although, something that I could do. I didn’t like using it, aiming was a bitch and I kind of decided that it had been a bad idea to even try it in the first place, but it was also the only technique that I had that I could use right now that could: face up to a Vice-Admiral; be used from a distance; and not tear my body into grated cheese.

I carefully helped Bepo to sit down by the door and turned back to face the fight. Behind me, the sun was starting to break through the darkness of the night and I took a deep breath before I held out my arms in front of me, palms facing each other and I took another deep breath. I felt the air shift around me as I focused it between my hands, with my mind I gave it the shape of a bow and with my right hand, pulled back the non-existing string, forming an arrow of concentrated air in the middle as I did so. I felt the straightened air currents slice through the bandages on my hands and arms, the blood starting to be pulled into the air circuit, tainting it slightly red.

“When Sabo died, we said we wanted to get stronger so we wouldn’t lose anyone else. You took that burned off our shoulders by promising us that you’d never die. We believed you. I believe in you. You live in my heart now, in the memories I have of you, in the letters I write you, hence, I have no choice but to look after myself. I also can’t get stronger if I can’t get better first and I need to get stronger to protect Luffy and all the people I care about. Time to step up. I will come back a better version of me.”

With my thoughts decided and feeling the air settle into shape, I took yet another deep breath “RED GUARDIAN!”

I called out my attack aimed at the Vice-Admiral, my right hand fingers released the tension and between one second and the next, I felt a warm familiar touch over my right hand, but before I could turn around, I saw, to my amazement, that my arrow had caught fire in such a way that it looked like a big red bird.

My own thoughts came back to me “I will come back a better version of me.”

“A phoenix.” I could almost hear Ace’s voice right at my ear…

And then the next second arrived. The fire bird hit its target, sending the Vice-Admiral flying backwards into a wall on the ship in a blaze of fire before he fell face first on the deck of his ship. My jaw was on the floor, had I just done that?

Movement in the corner of my eye makes me turn to see Bepo sitting on the floor, still clearly in pain and the bleeding didn’t seem to have even slowed down “LAW!” I called out to the doctor that quickly ‘shambles’ his way closer to us.

He rushed to his friend’s side and looked him over with truly concerned eyes, examining the damage, gave the two guys from earlier some orders and then called over a very very tall guy “Jean Bart…” he spoke coldly as his eyes scanned the marines still standing “Sink them.” Without another word, Law disappeared into the submarine and Jean Bart went to do what he had been ordered.

Left alone once again, I held my right hand that still felt comfortably warm and remembered the feeling from before. I looked behind me only to be blinded by the rising sun, I couldn’t help but smile with him as a single tear slipped down my cheeks…

[thelastspeecher]

Stanuary ‘20 - Week Three: AUs

I’ve been busy working on my Master’s thesis and thus haven’t been able to do any Stanuary yet.  But now that I’m basically done (just gotta drop my thesis off at the thesis library Friday) I’m hoping to do all four weeks.  Just....not in chronological order.  Anyways, the prompt for week three was practically MADE for me.  Not to brag or anything, but I’m basically the non-binary ruler of AUs.

So, to really go whole hog with the AU prompt, I went with a crossover between two of my favorite AUs: the MerGucket AU and the Stay-at-Home Stan AU.  I’ve written something for this particular crossover before, so this is a follow-up to that.  Basically, Ford does research at sea, and when he has his big blow-up with Bill, jumps overboard, only to be rescued by Stan, who has somehow become a merman during their time apart.  Not just a merman, but a father, too.  Here’s Stan explaining how that came about.

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              Ford stared intently at the multicolored cuttlefish idly swimming by.

              It looks similar to the kraken I saw last month.  Do kraken crossbreed?  Or do juvenile kraken resemble cuttlefish?

              “Uh, Ford?” Stan asked, startling Ford free from his thoughts.  Ford looked over.

              “Yes?”

              “We’re here,” Stan said.  He jerked a thumb behind him.

              “You live in a cliff?” Ford asked.

              “Yeah.”  Stan looked over at the cliff.  “The door’s hidden, though.  Gotta make sure scuba divers or submarines or whatever don’t find us.”  Promptly after offering for Ford to stay at his place temporarily, Stan had led Ford into a partially submerged hidden cave, walked into the water, and transformed into a merman.  The casual nature of the act was off-putting to Ford, but not as much as the mumbled charm Stan had then cast on Ford to allow him to breathe underwater.

              Stan knows spells.  Well, at least one spell.  How is this reality?  How is my high school dropout twin brother a merman with a capacity for magic? Stan’s daughter, Molly, still nestled in his arms, snored loudly.  Stan looked down at her with a fond, loving expression.  Ford’s stomach turned over.  Stan’s not just a merman now.  He’s also a father, and a doting one at that.  Stan whispered something to Molly in a different language.

              “So, um, the door is hidden,” Ford said.  “Where is it?”  Stan looked up.

              “I’ll show you, but I need to get Angie’s brother outta the house, first.”

              “Pardon?”

              “We can’t just leave the eggs unsupervised,” Stan said.

              That’s right.  Stan mentioned something about eggs.

              “Angie’s older brother offered to watch ‘em while we went on our walk. Swim.  Whatever.  But he had a bad experience with a human not too long ago, so I don’t think he’d wanna see you.  Just hide behind that rock or something.”  Stan nodded at a large boulder near Ford.  “Once he’s gone, I’ll let you in.”

              “Okay, but-” Ford started.  Stan ignored him and swam over to the cliff.  Ford let out a sigh.  He ducked behind the boulder and pulled out his journal, flicking through the pages idly. He landed on the page where he had started a drawing of Stan, before he’d recognized the merman he was observing.

              At least I’ll be able to finish this sketch.  I wonder if I can get Stan to sit in this pose again.

----- 

              After about fifteen minutes, which Ford spent writing about this latest development, the sound of voices carried to where Ford was hiding.  Stan said something in the same foreign language he’d spoken in before.  A second voice, which sounded very familiar to Ford, responded in the same tongue. Ford closed his journal and held it close to his chest.  He could make out a flick of a green tail with light yellow fins as Angie’s brother passed the boulder.  The merman disappeared quickly into the distance.

              “All right, you can come in now,” Stan said, appearing next to Ford so suddenly it startled him.  Instead of being carried in Stan’s arms, Molly was now nestled in a sling draped across Stan’s chest.  Ford stared. “C’mon, Sixer.  I gotta put Molly in her actual bed or she’s not gonna sleep well.  She wakes up way too often as it is.”  Ford nodded silently.  He followed Stan to the cliff face, where Stan, with a practiced motion, slipped his fingers into a crack in the rock and pulled.  A portion of rock the size of a door swung open.  

              “Slick,” Ford said.  Stan rolled his eyes.

              “Shut up and get inside.”  Ford hurriedly swam in.  Stan followed, closing the door behind him.  Ford looked around in interest.

              “How is it so light in here?  Do merfolk have lamps?”

              “Uh, sorta,” Stan said, already heading off, deeper into the house.  “They use, um…I don’t know the English word for it.  They grow stuff that glows.”

              “Bioluminescent?” Ford suggested.  Stan shrugged.

              “You can ask Angie.  She might not know the English word, but she can explain it better than I can. Anyways, we have some lamps, but we don’t need them right now.  Enough light gets through the windows.”

              “Windows?”  Ford spun in a circle.  His eyes widened at the sight of a window above a couch.  “I didn’t see this from the outside.  Are they specially designed?”

              “Nah, stole ‘em from sunken ships,” Stan called from wherever he was. “You can’t see ‘em from the outside ‘cause of an optical illusion thing.  If you get close to the cliff, they’re more obvious, but not from a distance.”

              “Remarkable,” Ford muttered.

              “Ford.”  Ford turned around again.  Stan’s head was sticking out of a room down the hall.  “You’ll wanna see this.”

              “Not that I doubt you, but why?”

              “Don’t you wanna check out a mer egg?”

              “A- yes!”  Ford swam over.  When he entered the room, his eyes were immediately drawn to the large basket leaning against one wall.  The basket held two things: Molly, fast asleep and curled up into a ball, and one large, red fish egg.  Ford frowned. “You said eggs.  Plural.”

              “Slip of the tongue.  We haven’t been down to one egg for very long.”

              “Why is the basket so large?”

              “It’s called a guppy basket,” Stan said.  “It’s where eggs go and the baby mers sleep until they outgrow it. Normally, mers have a bare minimum of ten kids at once.  But when one of the parents used to be human…”  Stan trailed off.  Ford looked over at him.  Disappointment had settled on Stan’s face.  Stan noticed Ford looking and cleared his throat hurriedly, wiping away his saddened expression.  “When that happens, there aren’t as many kids.  Angie laid fifteen eggs.  Usually a clutch has at least twenty.  And of those fifteen Angie laid, only two are gonna hatch.”

              “What happened to the other eggs?”

              “Duds,” Stan said flatly.  “Clutches have a lot of duds.  That’s why mers have so many eggs at once.”  He sighed. “It’s fine, though.  I can handle two kids a lot better than I could handle ten.”

              “This is…I’m completely astounded,” Ford said, shaking his head. “You- how-”

              “They taught me a lot,” Stan said with a shrug.  “Even taught me their language, Mermish.”

              Oh, that must be the language he was speaking earlier.

              “Kinda had to,” Stan continued, “since I was born human, not mer.”

              “Yes.  You were.” Ford looked at Stan inquisitorially. “How did you become mer?”

              “I told you.  I fell in love with a mermaid and ate a magic plant.”

              “Give me the unabridged version.  I feel I’m owed that much.”

              “Fine.”  Stan looked over at Molly and the last egg.  “Let’s talk in the living room.  Molly’s a pretty heavy sleeper, but I don’t wanna roll those dice.  Babies are the complete monsters when they get woken up.”

----- 

              Ford settled himself on the couch, attempting to ignore the way his clothes floated upwards, tugging on his skin.  Stan sat across from him in an armchair.  He snickered.

              “What?” Ford asked.

              “You’ve got a cape on, like you’re Super Nerd or somethin’.  Why did you bother wearing that underwater?”

              “I-”  Ford looked back.  Sure enough, his trench coat was spread out behind him like a wedding train.  He scowled and tucked it under him.  “Don’t tease me, Stanley.  I’ve been too shell-shocked by all of this to act upset with you, but by no means am I going to brush what happened ten years ago under the rug.”

              “You’re in no position to make any threats towards me,” Stan said.  “I’m the one who cast the spell so you could breathe underwater.  I can remove it any time I want.”  Ford swallowed.  “Anyways, you wanted to know how I turned into a merman.”

              “…Yes,” Ford said softly.  Stan ignored his brother’s obvious unease.

              If he didn’t want me to threaten him, he shouldn’t have threatened me first.  So what if what I said had a bit more of a bite than he probably expected?  That’s what happens when you mess with merfolk. Stan sighed and settled into his armchair.  

              “All right.  Well, when Pops kicked me out, I took the Stan O’War out to sea.  Not my smartest idea.  Prob’ly shoulda taken the Stanleymobile.  I mean, I sailed into a storm pretty much right away.  I kept trying to bail her out, but it was raining buckets.  I went overboard.  Next thing I knew, I woke up on a beach.  My clothes were soaked, I had no idea where I was, but I wasn’t too worried.”

              “…Why not?”

              “‘Cause one of the prettiest chicks I’ve ever seen had my head in her lap.” Stan grinned at the memory, clear enough to have happened yesterday.  “And I just…I just stared at her.”

----- 

              Stan stared up at the young woman with his head in her lap.  She seemed like a personification of the sea, with eyes as blue as the ocean and hair the color of the beach he used to play on with Ford.  Faint freckles spilled across her nose and cheeks like she had spilled cinnamon but not bothered to wipe it off.  The young woman stared back at him, smiling like she had a secret as she stroked Stan’s hair.

              “Hi,” Stan finally croaked.  The young woman’s smile broadened.

              “Hello.  You almost drowned, do you realize that?”  Her voice was sweet and melodious, comforting like waves crashing onto the shore.

              “Figured.  Since I went overboard and woke up on a beach.  Did- did you save me?”

              “Yep.”

              “H-how?”

              “I’m a good swimmer.”

              “What’s your name?”

              “My full name’s awfully long and I ain’t too fond of it.  But I go by Angie.”

              “Angie.  I’m Stan.”

              “It’s a pleasure to meet ya, Stan.”

              “Your accent…are you from the south?” Stan asked.  A twinkle entered Angie’s eye.

              “One could say I’m from the deep south, yes.”

              “Kinda weird way to say it, but whatever.”  Stan began to slowly get up.  Angie stopped stroking his hair and scooched to the side, allowing him to sit up on his own. He looked over at her.  “So where…”  He trailed off, catching side of Angie’s bottom half.  Instead of legs, she had a large, ostentatious yellow tail with pink fins. His jaw dropped.  “You- you’re-”

              “A mermaid, yes,” Angie said softly.  Stan continued to gape at her.  “I- technically, I wasn’t s’pposed to let you see me, but I wanted to make sure you woke up.” She looked away.  “Even more technically, I wasn’t s’pposed to save you in the first place.”

              “Then- then why did you?” Stan asked, still trying to wrap his mind around what was happening.  Angie looked at him, her eyes soft and compassionate.

              “I couldn’t let you just drown when I saw ya go overboard.  I mean, yer only my age.  Yer fam’ly must be worried sick about you.”

              “Not really,” Stan mumbled, looking down at the ground.  He idly flicked away a seashell.  “They couldn’t care less about me.”

              “…Really?” Angie asked.  Stan nodded. “What makes you say that?”

              “For one thing, they kicked me outta the house.”  Angie was silent for a moment.

              “They shouldn’t have done that,” she said finally.  Stan snorted.

              “Yeah.  I fucking agree.”  He sighed. “Whatever.  Uh, thanks for rescuing me, I guess.”  He got to his feet and looked around.  “Do you have any idea where we are?”

              “I don’t know the human name for it.”

              Of course she doesn’t.

              “But it’s uninhabited.”

              “It’s-”  Stan stared at the mermaid.  “You- this is a desert island?”

              “No.  It’s got a tropical forest.  It’s not a desert.”

              “No, not- a desert island is an island that doesn’t have people on it.” Stan ran a hand through his hair. “Shit!”

              “Look, it’ll be fine.”

              “How?” Stan demanded.  “I’m not some survivalist nutjob.  I don’t know how to build shelter or kill squirrels or whatever.  I can’t-”

              “I can help with that,” Angie said, standing up as well.  Stan huffed.

              “Yeah, right.  Like you can help me make a little hut outta sticks.  You don’t even…have…legs…”  Stan stared at her.  Angie grinned cheekily.  “Wh-” He looked down.  Her tail had been replaced by two slender, pale legs.  Stan looked away immediately upon realizing that she was completely nude from the waist down.  “How-”

              “It’s a long story.  But merfolk can shift into a human form if need be.”  Angie looked down at the sand and wiggled her toes.  “I don’t take a human form often.  Don’t really feel the desire to.  But I want to help you out.”

              “The best way you could help me out would be to…”  Stan trailed off.  Angie looked at him curiously.

              “What?”

              “No, that’s stupid.”

              “Tell me.”

              “Do you- if you can turn human, can I turn into a merman?” Stan asked. Angie eyed him.  “I- honestly, I don’t really see a reason to stay on land. I don’t have anyone who cares about me, I don’t have any plans, there’s nothin’ tying me to staying human.”  Stan could feel dread and sadness sinking heavily onto his shoulders.

              Pops wouldn’t ever let me back, even if I did make a million dollars. And why would I go back anyways? Ford?  He’s never gonna forgive me.  Shermie and Mom?  Mom let Pops kick me out, and the age gap with Shermie was too big for us to get close. I don’t have anyone.  I don’t have anywhere.

              “It- it might be kinda nice to start over.  Somewhere else,” Stan continued.  Angie pursed her lips.

              “You should sleep on it,” she said finally.  Stan stuffed his hands into the pockets of his drenched pants.

              “That’s a no, then?”

              “Not necessarily.  I know there’re ways fer humans to become mer.  I don’t know the details, though.  I’d have to ask my parents.  And I’ll have to explain why I’m asking.”  Angie chewed on the inside of her cheek thoughtfully.  “It’s- it’s possible.  But you’d have to prove yer worthy of becomin’ mer first.”

              “How do I do that?” Stan asked.  Angie shrugged.  “You can’t give me any details?  Really?”

              “Look, I- yer the first human I’ve ever talked to fer this long.  Even if I knew everything about the process of turnin’ humans mer, I’d have a moral obligation to be quiet until you’ve earned our trust.”  She looked out to sea.  “And like I said, you should sleep on it, first.  Givin’ up bein’ human to become mer is not somethin’ you should take lightly. And it’s not somethin’ you should do just ‘cause ya have no other options.  You should want to do it fer a stronger reason than that.”

              “Like what?”

              “Well, my ma did it fer love.”

              “Your mom used to be human?” Stan asked, aghast.  Angie nodded.

              “Yes.  She fell in love with my pa and became a mer so they could be together.”  Angie looked at Stan.  “I ain’t sayin’ ya need to fall in love with a mer, but ya need a reason just as strong.”  She shrugged. “Anyways.  First things first.  I’ll help ya make some shelter, maybe even help ya do some foraging.  And tomorrow, I can come back with my folks. They’ll help figure this thing out.”

              “Sounds good,” Stan said with a nod, his heart racing.

              I can’t believe a mermaid rescued me and might make me a merman. What the actual hell is going on right now?  A small smile tugged the corners of Angie’s mouth.

              “What?” Stan asked.  Angie shook her head.

              “Oh, nothin’.  Just thinkin’ ‘bout how odd you are.”

              “Really?  You think I’m odd?”

              “You asked to be turned mer within five minutes of meetin’ me.” Angie grinned.  “That’s odd.”  Stan managed a smile back.

              “Fair.”

----- 

              “That’s how you met your wife?” Ford asked.

              “Yeah.  But, technically, she’s not my wife.  Merfolk don’t really have marriage.  Angie and I are mated.”

              “Does being mates still involve a union ceremony of some sort?”

              “Yes.”

              “Well, as far as Mom would be concerned, then, you’re married,” Ford said with a small smile.  Stan chuckled.  “Stanley, I’m honestly flabbergasted by all of this.  It seems…”

              “Impossible?” Stan suggested.  Ford nodded.  “I feel the same way.”  He leaned forward and clasped his hands.  He saw Ford immediately zero in on the red webbing between his fingers.  “Some days I wake up and I can’t believe where I am. I’ve got the most amazing person in the world as my mate, I’ve got a daughter, and I’m gonna have another kid any day now.”

              “Also, you’re a merman.”

              “That, too.”  Stan eyed Ford.  “And now, you’re gonna be sleeping on my couch until we figure out how to get Bill off your back.”

              “Yes.”  Ford paused. “Thank you, by the way.”

              “No problem.  I’ll take any chance I can get to stick it to a mer hunter.  Angie lost one of her aunts to a mer hunter.  And I damn near got killed, too.”

              “Wait, really?” Ford asked.  Stan nodded. He laughed, but it was clearly forced.

              “Turns out Carla McCorkle went into that business.  My own ex-girlfriend was about to kill me and sell my scales to the highest bidder.  Good thing Angie intervened.  If she hadn’t threatened to down Carla’s ship, I’d, well.  You can figure it out.”

              “Sorry, did you say that Angie is capable of sinking an entire ship?” Ford asked, holding up a finger.  Stan raised an eyebrow.

              “She’s a siren, Sixer.  That’s what they do.”

              “Are you a-”

              “Oh, hell no.”  Stan tilted his head.  “Well, technically, I’m a siren.  That’s the kinda mer I am.  But that’s not my job.  Sinking ships requires singing, and even magic can’t fix a voice like mine.  It made me extra persuasive when I talk, but if I try to sing, I still sound like a frog in a bucket.”

              “Siren is both a type of mer and a career?” Ford asked.  Stan nodded.  “Hmm. Interesting.  If you don’t sink ships, then what do you do?  Do merfolk need to have jobs?”

              “Usually, yeah.  Mine is taking care of Molly.  And when the other egg hatches, taking care of Stanley Jr.”  Stan grinned.  “It’s gonna be a boy, I can tell.”

              “You-”  Ford stared at Stan.  Stan stared back.

              “What?”

              “You’re a stay-at-home dad?”

              “Yep.”  Stan stretched languidly.  “Best job in the world.”  Ford shook his head, trying to hide his astonishment.  The front door opened.  Stan looked over.  “Hey, babe.”

              “Hello, darlin’,” Angie crooned, swimming over and kissing the top of his head. Stan grinned up at her.  “I stopped by Fidds’ place to check on him and his clutch.  He said the egg was movin’ ‘round a lot today?”

              “Yep.  Stanley Jr. is gonna hatch any day now.”

              “Oh, hon.  We aren’t namin’-”  A small squeak came from the couch.  Stan and Angie looked over.  Ford was as pale as a sheet.  “We have a visitor,” Angie said mildly.

              “Yeah, Ford got on the bad side of someone pretty nasty, so he’s gonna stay here for a bit,” Stan said.

              “Understood.  I’ll go check on Miss Molly.  She’s prob’ly hungry.”  As if on cue, crying sounded through the house.  Angie chuckled.  “Speak of the devil.”  She nodded politely at Ford.  “Pleasure to meet you, Stanford.  We’ll have to have a proper introduction once I take care of Molly.”

              “Yes,” Ford mumbled.  Angie left. Stan looked at Ford, concerned.

              “What’s wrong, Sixer?  You look like you saw a ghost.”

              “I-”  Ford took a steadying breath.  “Angie is very similar in appearance to my former first mate, who disappeared from my ship a month ago.  While we were in the middle of the ocean.”

              “Okay…” Stan said slowly.

              “He- Angie mentioned someone named ‘Fidds’.  My former first mate, he sometimes went by that nickname,” Ford continued.  Dread began to build in Stan’s gut.  “Angie’s last name wouldn’t happen to be ‘McGucket’, would it?”

              “No,” Stan said.  Relief broke across Ford’s face.  “It’s MerGucket.  But when her older brother pretended to be human to work for some researcher, he used McGucket instead.”  Ford groaned loudly.  He put his head in his hands.

              “Oh, no.”

              “Took the words right outta my mouth.”

[tetsuwan-atom]

“I AM NOOOOOOOT!”

He is kinda shady.

[bowiesbowxo]

Rainbow Blood, and Why The Queen Isn’t A Lizard.

When we think of blood we think of that red stuff; but while red blood is the norm for us, it’s not for everybody. People often describe royalty as “blue-blooded,” and conspiracy theorists have claimed that royals are lizard-people. So, I’m going to take you on a journey through the many colour options for blood, and explain why if Queen Elizabeth was a lizard, her blood still wouldn’t be blue. 

The red blood that we know and love is found in every mammal that we know of (or that I know of, if you know any exceptions, please let me know.) Haemoglobin is used in mammalian species to carry blood around the body and also contains iron, colouring our blood with it’s signature red hue.

Orange blood is the least wide-spread colour of blood in the life-sustaining rainbow. As far as I know, orange blood only occurs in pregnant cockroaches due to the creation of vitellogenin, a protein that is found in the yolks of eggs. Otherwise, cockroach blood is white or colourless. 

Vanabin is responsible for the yellow blood found in beetles and sea cucumbers. In researching this I also learned that sea cucumbers aren’t plants but they sure are ugly. I was going to crack some joke about The Beatles and vanabin making them have a Yellow Submarine but The Beatles are surrounded by enough conspiracy theories so I won’t add any fuel to the fire. 

There is actually two different pigments known to cause green blood and boy do I want green blood. The first pigment, biliverdin, is found in human blood and is what makes wounds and bruises turn green so all I need to do is get rid of all the haemoglobin an I can live my life as a plant sim. Biliverdin colours the blood of prasinohaema, a group of reptiles, green. Other reptiles have red blood so the two blood colour options for the Queen, if she was a lizard would be red or green, not blue. What’s more, if she was a hybrid lizard-human, human blood naturally contains Biliverdin so she’s just have red blood like the rest of us. The second pigment us chlorocruorin which is found in leeches, so I think it’s a possibility that The Queen could have green blood (see: the articles of the Magna Carta.)

The real blue blooded royalty are arthropods and cephalopod. The hemocyanin in their blood contains copper, which becomes blue when oxidised. If I had totally lost the plot and wanted to theorise that the Queen wasn’t human and had blue blood, my best guesses would be that she’s actually a spider-woman. Or an octopus-woman. [It appears that I have stumbled upon the characters for Spider-Man 2.] 

I��m so glad that purple is the last colour I’ll be covering because this post is chaotic and thinking about the conspiracies about the royals have fried my braincells. Hemerythrin is a wonderful compound of sciency stuff that gives peanut worms and brachiopods (lamp shells) blood that is truly a royal colour. Apparently people collect and eat brachiopods because they’re easy to collect at low tide in New Zealand. Hope you enjoy your purple-flavoured sea weirdos, remember to use seasoning. 

Overall, blood comes in a lot more colours than we think and next pride season you could have a rainbow of blood as decorations- you’d have a lot of explaining to do but it is a possibility. 

I’m not certain I have to state this but I don’t believe that royals are inhuman (inhumane is a different story though) and I don’t think they have any colour of blood other than red. All that being said, if royals did have blood that wasn’t coloured by haemoglobin, their blood would probably be green because of the biliverdin that colours the blood of reptiles such as skinks. 

I hope you’ve learnt something, have enjoyed my warped sense of humour ,and scathing remarks about the monarchy. 

[gellavonhamster]

family dinner

gen || Fernald Widdershins | Carmelita Spats || background Fiona/Carmelita || post-canon

ao3 link || originally posted in Russian

Fernald grimly dragged the remaining piece of quesadilla across the plate with his hook. It was one of the strangest family dinners within his memory, and he’d had occasion to have dinner in a company which, to varying degrees, could be called ‘family’, while on a submarine, on a supposedly desert island, and in an abandoned house where the air reeked of mold and the oven expelled an army of cockroaches upon an attempt to light it. By now, the house looked much nicer – through Fernald’s efforts as well, among other things. By now, the walls had been covered with new wallpapers, the floorboards weren’t caving in under his feet anymore, and the large heavy table had been cleaned from dirt and set with new, non-cracked dinnerware. It was at that table that their guest was now seated catty-corner from him, engaged in a lively conversation with Quigley, her arm slung around Fiona’s shoulders. Fiona was carrying herself just as resolutely and cautiously at the same time as one would expect from a person who brought her girlfriend to meet her relatives for the first time. Probably. Fernald has never brought a girlfriend home to meet his relatives, for a number of reasons.              

The name of Fiona’s girlfriend was Carmelita Spats.

Isadora, who was sitting next to him, nudged him with her elbow.

“I can’t fucking believe this is really happening,” she whispered, having moved a little closer so that the other guests definitely wouldn’t hear them.

“Language,” he scolded her. Isadora snorted quietly. The triplets didn’t respect him, which was right – after everything he had done and had let other people do, he wouldn’t expect them to treat him otherwise – but all the hardships they’d shared with him over the past couple of years must have made them develop, in their own way, a sort of attachment to him. For his part, he could say the latter about them too. They were growing up distrustful but not jumpy, with a strong sense of togetherness and a dark sense of humour. He liked the girl more than the other two because he could discuss poetry with her, and he secretly regretted that it wasn’t Isadora that his sister was dating. On the other hand, it was quite possible that after everything they’d been through together they saw each other if not as sisters, then as cousins, and any kind of romance was out of the question.      

Still, he liked that possibility much better than the one he was supposed to be putting up with now.

“I don’t trust her,” he muttered, his eyes fixed on Carmelita. He recognized her the very moment she entered the house after Fiona, and would have her recognized with no trouble even if Duncan hadn’t bumped into the corner of the table and spilled his tea upon seeing her, or if Quigley hadn’t exclaimed “You?” with such a look on his face as if he’d just seen a flying saucer. Just like three years ago, she was ginger, freckled, loud, somehow took up too much space despite being short, and favoured clothes in garish pink. On hearing her say “Hi, Hooky”, he almost lashed out at her, stopped only by Hector very promptly, very pointedly grabbing his shoulder.  

“Me neither,” Isadora whispered back. “But, you know, as weird as it may be to admit it, so far she seems a little bit less insufferable than before. She hasn’t said anything nasty to anyone yet, or tried to tap-dance for no good reason.”

“She might have changed. Or she might be trying to worm herself into our confidence,” Fernald wiped his hook with a napkin and got up from the table. Fiona turned to him instantly.  

“Are you going somewhere?” she asked carefully. She was nervous, and the very thing that his sister was being nervous because of Carmelita was enough to make him boil with anger. Fernald shook his head.

“I’ll go have a cigarette. Carmelita,” he shifted his gaze to their guest, “you smoke?”

He had to give the girl some credit: she took a hint at once.

“If someone treats me to it,” she rose and quickly squeezed the hand that Fiona held out to her. “Be right back, babe.”

Fernald clenched his teeth so hard that they started to ache.

Carmelita followed him to the porch. It was chilly outside; the summer was stealthily retreating, and the painfully bright sun wasn’t giving any real warmth. Fernald made a mental note that soon they would have to start sweeping the path leading to the house – the leaves were already getting yellow and ready to fall down. He squinted in the light, and hid his hooks in his pockets. Carmelita leaned on the railing of the porch.      

“So, what were you saying about a cigarette?” she reminded him.

“You’re sixteen. No cigarettes for you,” he stepped closer to her. Perhaps from the sidelines it looked like he was going to threaten her. Fernald hoped it was exactly the way it looked like. “And now you’re gonna tell me what you’re really doing here.”  

The girl peered at him curiously, almost with amusement.

“Came to meet my girlfriend’s family, obviously.”

“Yeah, don’t give me that,” Fernald took one of his hands out of the pocket. The metal of the hook glistened dimly in the autumn sunlight. “Who sent you? The VFD? Or that bitch?”

Carmelita rolled her eyes.

“If you mean Esmé, I haven’t seen her in, like, three years.”

“Are you trying to tell me you’re not living with her?”

“Have you even heard what I was saying at the table at all? They stuffed me into a children’s home when she got arrested, and after she was released, she didn’t come back for me,” her facial expression and the tone of her voice made it difficult to understand if that had wounded her back then and was still wounding her now. “I have a new guardian now, and she’s way cooler. An actress. Says I can get far if I work on improving myself,” Fernald couldn’t help noticing that the Carmelita Spats he used to know would have never admitted that she had to improve herself. “And the VFD tried to draw me in – the previous guardian, before Lizzie, was one of their lot. But I ran away. Like I need these… cakesniffers.”  

The familiar word made Fernald grow wary again.

“Yeah, and I’m supposed to believe that you’ve changed just like that?”

“People change. You’ve changed, Hooky.”

“My name is Fernald,” he put his hook on the railing right beside her arm. She didn’t display any agitation or try to back away, but her condescending smile (condescending, hell, like it was him who was sixteen not her!) vanished. Very well, Fernald thought. Perfect. “And I haven’t changed.”    

“Your sister says you have.”

“She tends to see the best in me.”

“And in me, too,” Carmelita jerked up her head and looked him in the eye. “Do you not trust her at all either?”

He looked away – and suddenly saw that the skin on one side of her lower neck was scarred and reddish. A burn mark, apparently spreading down under the clothes. She noticed that he had noticed, and swiftly adjusted the sweater collar, pulling it up even higher than the style intended.  

“A souvenir from the Hotel Denouement,” she explained casually – even way too casually – and Fernald remembered another fire, and how it burned the papers of Gregor Anwhistle and all the furniture in the lab and his own hands, and how he couldn’t even scream with pain properly because he had already lost his voice trying to call for his mother. He took his hook off the railing.

Teenagers often made wrong decisions – especially when pushed by the adults around them. People often did terrible things and regretted it later, or didn’t truly regret it but still tried not to do them anymore, at least for the sake of their own tranquility.

Who was he to reprimand Carmelita Spats, who was, of course, spoiled and selfish, but at least hadn’t killed anyone?

“So you don’t know what Esmé’s been up to, do you?” he asked her to stall for time somehow, so that he could collect his thoughts. Carmelita shrugged.  

“All I know is what was in the papers.”

“And what about…” he stopped short of saying ‘the boss’. Why on earth would he still call Olaf his boss?  

“Countie? No idea. They never found him. Must’ve died in the fire,” Carmelita replied indifferently. He ought to be indifferent too, he reminded himself. “Can we maybe have a smoke after all?”

“As far as I recall, you’re still sixteen. Anyway, let’s go back inside,” Fernald took a deep breath of delicious, cool September air. He couldn’t say that this conversation had eased his mind, but at least now it felt heavy for different reasons. So the VFD tried to recruit Carmelita again – wonder what they’d been at apart from that… and what they knew about the disappearance of the fortune belonging to the missing Quagmire orphans from the city bank. “I guess Hector must be taking the dessert out of the stove right now.”  

“Hector is the other old man who isn’t your father, right?”

“Stepfather. Who isn’t our stepfather. And if you’re planning to become a part of this family, be so kind as to learn all the names.”

His words about becoming a part of their family made her smile in a way that was very different from usual, actually making her look what one would call adorable.

He didn’t tell her that, of course.

[ugly-sugar-fruit]

Ok, so headcanon.

After whatever the hell happens in Dark Phoenix, Peter Maximoff --who is very much alive, thank you very much,-- decides to have a try of a normal life.

Some years later Peter is working as an architect on a restoration project of old libraries in Central Europe; and in Sokovia, their last project, Peter meets a girl in a bar.

Her name is Suzanna and she has long curly hair, a dark shade of strawberry blonde.

She witty, intelligent, impressive.

She's a scientist, she tells him and laughs at his cheesy joke.

She asks what brings him to Europe; "self-discovery" - Peter answers - "both of my parents are from here."

They bond over growing up in a country that their parents fled to, Suzanna's mother was a Polish Romani like Peter's, they talked until the bar closed, and Suzanna offered to show him 'Sokovia's greatest treasure'.

She took him to a church in the centre of Novi Grad, that had long been burned down.

"My mother and father stayed here, during the war" She told him.

Sokovia, in the 1940s, had been a small, densely populated country, its Western side was separated from Slovakia by its river and its Eastern side separated from the Czech Republic by its mountain, it's capital, Novi Grad was its only major city.

At the start of spring 1941, it had the same sized population as Luxembourg, by the time the spring of 1995 rolled around, Sokovia's population had tripled.

Between the river and the mountain, over 120,000 refugees hid from the Nazi rule.

"They housed a thousand here " Suzanna explains "Sokovia embraced it's refugees and protected them from the Nazis and their allies, in 1994 they stormed the city and burned this church down.

That is Sokovia, unbent under tyranny, we opened our arms to those poor souls that fled concentration camps and protected them as a country should protect its own.

It's nice, that you worked to restore our central library. But if you really wanted to restore something of importance for Sokovia, you should have started here"

Peter was supposed to stay in Novi Grad for half a year.

He ended up staying for five years.

He restored Sokovia's church and as the candles lit the altar, he asked Suzanna on a date.

He met Suzanna's parents after months of dating, her mother was brash and spoke Polish without the secrecy Peter's mother had, and her father called him Russian endearments.

Dates turned, into long cuddle sessions, that turned into them moving in together and painting their walls yellow.

One day he woke up with long curly hair on his face, and as the world moved in its agonising slow pace, for the first time he didn't mind, he counted Suzanna's eyelashes, again and again, and again, and he realised he was in love.

He proposed in winter, in the spring, after the wedding, they moved to the countryside.

Suzanna planted an apple tree into their garden. She tended to the tree, with devotion, and when the apples grew, she made them into a pie, and jam and anything she could think of.

When the twins were born, first Pietro and twelve minutes later Wanda, for the first time in a long time, Peter considered finding Erik.

The twins inherited Peter's endless energy, luckily for their mother, their father had the speed to match them.

One day Peter considered his life; his wife was smart and pretty and fierce, and she always wore summer clothes, even in the winter, she lived with endless amounts of patience for her husband and equally endless gentleness for their children.

Their house was old and littered with drawing done by the twins, and old cheap furniture they bought when they first moved in, the scrapes on the floors and walls that came from three energy-filled joy pills living in the same house and all of it coming together as a mark that proved this house, had become their home.

And Pietro and Wanda were the lights of his life, every day Peter fell more in love with his children, every day he feared losing them more.

That day Peter called Charles, he didn't tell him where he was, but he told him about Suzanna and Pietro and Wanda, apple pies and tiny hands and how the world moved at the perfect pace.

Charles said he was happy for Peter, he sounded like he was crying.

Wanda and Pietro turned eight, and Kamil Novoty rose to power.

Sokovia's freedom was threatened and the people rose to arms.

In the following years, Sokovia was torn apart by the fighting between the corrupt government and the citizens, and amongst it all, half of Peter's home was burned to the ground.

A year after they moved to the capital, they had settled into their apartment building well, and despite the growing revolution in the streets, their family continued living, peacefully, together.

Then Peter got shot in the foot, during a riot in the marketplace.

Suzanna fretted over him for weeks, and Pietro followed him with a blanket that he threw over his father at every opportunity.

One afternoon, Suzanna was making apple soup to cheer Peter up, and directed the twins in chopping vegetables for the beef stew.

They settled around the table, eating and laughing, like they did every day, happy though not necessarily safe, a loving family.

Having dinner, just the four of them.

(Peter considered telling Charles where they were, Peter considered finally contacting his father)

The first shell hits, and it makes a hole in the floor, everything happens so slow, for Peter, but his leg is useless and he can't move fast enough, can't do anything.

His mind processes everything at super speed.

The tears of fright that roll down his children's eyes, so so slowly, Peter's wife gasps as the floor cracks underneath them, so so slowly, Suzanna grabs his hand, her hand is so so soft, it has tended to him and their children so so warmly.

Peter holds his wife's hand and looks at his crying children, the hole widens and they go in.

Years later, the Avengers, the X-men and the Brotherhood of Mutants collaborate in defeating some aliens trying to invade earth, that had also kidnapped a bunch of mutant children for a zoo.

In the quiet after the battle, Wanda Maximoff sits down next to Charles Xavier and Magneto and tells them who her father was.

She lets Charles hug her, and tells him that her father spoke fondly of him, and then turns to Magneto and says the same.

She speaks of her mother, and the apple tree she tended to and their first home that was peaceful and burned down.

She speaks of her father and how he worked on several projects at a time, always filled with boundless energy and good-humour, and how he blasted rock music at full volume and always managed to convince their mother to dance with him.

She speaks of Pietro, and the protests and Hydra.

She speaks of Ultron.

And Charles recognizes the pain and rage and grief that sings in her mind, so similar to what he first glimpsed once, long ago; underwater, trying to stop a submarine.

The Professor cries, for another student and friend lost, for another child he had failed to protect, for the young woman that had felt such pain.

And then Wanda turns to Magneto, and using hushed German, tells her father's secret to Erik Lehnsherr.

And Erik cries, for another one of his children that he has lost.

[soundwavereporting]

@ckret2 replied to your post:

i can’t quite picture the intended style overlap but am intrigued by the concept, would u like to elaborate

i’m leading with the disclaimer that the crossover only entered my mind because about two minutes before i made the post, i had learned that the movies share the same director/legendary pictures, and in the process of thinking this out, it turned into a monstrosity of a crack au

it starts with an unknown man in a radiation suit, carrying something in his arms and walking through a mysterious, huge city. he approaches a gigantic creature and sets his package down. it’s a bomb. the timer is set for one minute. the man approaches the monster. it’s shot in a way that has the audience believing this bomb is intended to finish off the monster once and for all. 

the second scene is one of a massive concert being organized. speakers are being plugged in. people are assembling. the air is thick with anticipation. the backdrop of the stage is mostly white, with speckles and faint waves of yellow and blue staggered throughout. it’s very mysterious. 

we are treated to a flashback of monarch and japan’s equivalent to FEMA as they are mobilizing for the fight of the century. it’s so dramatic. people are preparing for the absolute worst. at the very least, the entire nation of japan is going to be obliterated. at most? the entire world is at stake. 

 two kaiju have awakened! and they’re gonna--

oh. never mind then.  

(plot twist. it’s not ghidorah and rodan. the entire world watches via livestream as godzilla and mothra cuddle. whether this cuddling is platonic or romantic is entirely up to the audience’s interpretation.)

then, we get a flashback to the Big Twist to where emma is actually the one who betrayed humanity and yadda yadda, and she awakens the kaiju. mark is suitably upset. 

in the meantime, the military have regrouped from their earlier embarrassment, except, someone’s fired the oxygen destroyer and accidentally blown up godzilla and mothra. i’m thinking of the fictional equivalent to this poor soul. i’m naming him goro maki, but have no real desire to figure out his whole backstory or the circumstances behind the miscommunication. 

mark and serizawa have their discussion. it ends with them deciding to use a nuclear warhead to bring godzilla back. dr. chen says she’ll handle mothra. 

at some point, emma gets arrested. she tries to show everyone all manner of maps and diagrams because there’s a reason she did this; if you looked for half a second you would see--

mark moralizes and cuts off whatever explanation she was trying to give. as she’s led out of the bunker in handcuffs, you hear the booming of thunder. emma winces and stares into the sky with wide, terrified eyes.

we go back to the concert venue. in a tribute to showa/heisei, except hopefully significantly less racist, music is played and people sing and dance to awaken the new mothra egg. 

as mothra hatches and everyone cheers, it begins raining. 

finally, we get back to the original guy. he pulls off his mask and approaches godzilla. i’ve decided it’s mark because SERIZAWA LIVES. 

the bomb detonates. godzilla emerges from the ocean. everyone on the submarine is suitably terrified when he starts roaring and looking like he’s preparing to incinerate them, except at the very last second, he turns his atomic breath upwards, into the stormy skies

the clouds part...

and KING GHIDORAH emerges

the end