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renlimotroll · 4 years ago

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Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Mintosu × Siruko (side), one-sided Limone-sensei x Siruko (main)

Summary: It's not the butterflies that tell Sensei that he's in love. It was the death by a thousand cuts.

Tags: angst, heavy angst!!!, endgame MinSiru wedding, long fic, unrequited love

Warning: BL, Cursing, Imagination, but I like to keep my characterization 80% canon.

Ren's notes:

Before you read this, I want to say that this is Sensei’s POV, so the MinSiru moments will come across as sad and painful. I love Siruko-san, Mintosu-san and Limone-Sensei equally, and this is only just a story, okay? Please come into the story with an open mind and finish it with no attachments. Also, ready your heart.

I woke up at 3am and started writing this because all my best thoughts come at 3am. I was supposed to write cutesy, romantic Christmas stories, but when inspiration hits, it hits. This story is 100% MinSiru because no matter how pseudo-canon LimoSiru is, it's not what people want (wow, bitter Ren is bitter).

This story might be controversial, so I spent a week debating whether to publish it or not, but after all the hard work and me trying to be poetic, it would be a waste to keep it in my folders.

I'd like to thank Taylor Swift for possessing me with her poetic ghost. I listened to "The Moment I Knew", a song about her bf not coming to her birthday party, and was filled with so much angst because it hit home too much.

Please enjoy and don't blame me for your holiday blues!!

This story didn't have a happy ending.

Because the moment Limone-sensei realized he had fallen in love, he knew he was screwed big time. And it won't end well for him.

But that was okay, because all he wanted was for this person's happiness. This person deserved it more than anyone else in the world, and Limone-sensei will do everything in his power to make sure he gets it.

He being Siruko-san.

He didn’t like them, at first. Limone was a possessive, jealous friend, and when he learned Hana-chan met new gaming friends, his first instinct was to shoot them. But how could anyone not love Siruko-san? He had a beautiful soul, a kindness rare to the human race. Siruko-san was the kind of person who could bring a group of people of different personalities together and make them all get along well. It was really easy to fall for someone like him, and no matter how hard Sensei tried not to, it just happened.

After that, it was death by a thousand cuts.

The first cut came out when they were shooting a video. He always looked forward to the four of them shooting, because that meant he could see Siruko-san. But something about the Bintroll leader was off, had been off for days actually. Sensei knew because Sensei watches all his live streams when he can, and he was observant. It made Sensei’s heart weak, but because they weren't that close and they didn't have the same level of friendship Siruko had with Mintosu-san, Sensei couldn't just LINE him and say, "Hey, is something wrong with you?" But something happens with the Minecraft trap he was making for Hana-chan, and his first thought was, I can use this as an excuse. So he calls Siruko-san and all is saved, and after that they start to communicate more, outside the games they play for Hana-chan's channel.

Sensei's plan to get closer to Siruko-san fails, because the more time he spends chatting with him, the more he gets to know Siruko-san, the more he falls in love. They text almost everyday; they VC on nights they both couldn't sleep, on days something good happens and they both wanted someone to share it with. And then Sensei realizes something that'll break his heart forever.

One day, after Hana-chan wrapped up the first Atsumori video of them, and Sensei and Siruko moved to private messaging on Discord and continue to chat and talk like they always do after each shoot (sometimes about editing and most times about nothing), Sensei thought it was time.

"Siruko-san."

"Hm?" The purple head answered absent-mindedly. Because they're on a video call, like they've done most times now actually, Sensei could see his beautiful purple eyes fixed on something in his monitor. He's reading the comments on the latest Bintroll video, and Sensei always finds it endearing that he's always liking all the comments. Sensei does read his comments too, but he thinks it's too troublesome to like all of it. It's just not his style.

Sensei decided it's now-or-never. "You like Mintosu-san, don't you?"

Siruko stopped scrolling, eyes shifting to the webcam. Sensei kept a straight face, fakes being detached and indifferent to the reply, but it's something he already knew. He's seen it in the way Siruko-san almost always talks about Mintosu-san when they voice call, in the way that he's always so soft and patient for Mintosu-san. Sensei saw Siruko scrambling for an answer in a panic and took that as a confirmation, even as Siruko-san started to deny it.

"W-what's gotten into you Sense--? O-of course not!! I-what made you say that? Mouuu, is this a prank?? Stop joking with me Sense-- hidoi yo!"

Sensei rolled his eyes for effect, but his chest is heavy with something he can't explain. "You're a fucking idiot. Just spit it out, okay? I know it. Don’t make a fool of me."

"I really dont!" Siruko vehemently opposed it. A moment later, he gave up and sighed in defeat, because Sensei always saw right through him. "I-is it obvious?"

Very, Sensei thought, but instead he went with, "I don't think Mintosu-san knows. That guy is as dense as the air itself."

They fell into silence, and Limone-sensei was very sure right now that Siruko was thinking of the green robot. His heart told him, “No, don't say it, don't do it Limone!!”, but since when has he listened to his heart? So he said to Siruko-san, "You should confess."

"E-EHHHH?!?!"

"Tell him what you feel, Siruko-san."

"I-uhhh… Minben-san is not…. And I c-can't… uuummmmm…."

"Oh for fucks sake! Stop being a fucking coward, okay? If Mintosu-san accepts your feelings, then good. If he rejects you, then you'll learn how to move on. But I won't let you just keep this to yourself." Limone face-palmed himself internally, thinking hard about how he’s such a fucking liar and a hypocrite. The wide, scared puppy eyes Siruko-san is showing melted his heart. It's his weakness. But Sensei never gave in to any of his weaknesses. "I've watched all your videos and we've been friends for a long enough time for me to be sure that you love him, Siruko-san."

"But… but what if Minben-san..." Siruko whispered with this lost, desperate voice, and Sensei gritted his teeth to keep himself from falling apart. He had to do the right thing, even if it meant ruining himself.

"You'll never know if you never try. That's why you need to do something about this, instead of carrying it in your heart all the time. At the very least, it'll give you answers." Siruko looked so unsure, and Sensei knew he's thinking that Minben-san will never like him, that he's thinking bad thoughts about himself, and Sensei won't let Siruko belittle himself again. "Stop overthinking this! It's all in your mind. I said it, didn't I? You'll never know if you never try. Don't make me call Mintosu-san myself and tell him your feelings."

"A-ah!! Okay okay!! I'll… think about it?"

"Fine. I guess that's good enough."

Siruko smiled that sweet, precious smile of his, and usually it warmed Sensei's heart, but today it brought a thousand cuts. "Thank you Sensei."

"Whatever. Now hurry up and finish liking those comments so we can go to sleep."

"But you can sleep! I told you you didn't have to stay up for me!"

"And since when have I ever listened to you?"

"All the time." Siruko muttered, but Sensei heard it, so he faked being insulted with a "HA?!?!" and Siruko laughed (and Sensei loved that laugh), "Nothing, nothing!! Of course you'll do what you want, Sensei, you're badass like that."

"Damn right."

And a week later, Siruko texted him "Sensei, I did it!! Minben-san is my boyfriend now aaaaa!! Thanks so much Senseiiii!! (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄"

And Sensei replied "Good for you. Congrats." then went back to bed. Stared at the ceiling for long goddamn hours. He tweeted to his followers that he didn’t feel good so no video today, and turned off his phone.

And it felt like there was a big black hole in his chest. He didn’t get up to eat, he just stared at the ceiling, hating himself for being such a goddamn coward. He finally knew what it felt to be pierced through the chest like those characters in DbD, only his bleeding wasn’t physical, just metaphorical. The pain was real though. So real it cut him open and every breath was hard to get.

The next day, he moved on. Or at least, he pretended he did. One day of moping was enough. He replied "I'm fine" to everyone who texted him even when he's not. He had to be fine.

It's just death by a thousand cuts after all.

The next time it happened, Sensei had just finished playing a horror game and he felt accomplished. He was about to reward himself with a cookie even though he doesn't really like sweets, when the notification sound for a video call rings. He answered it automatically and he's greeted by a crying mess, and his heart dropped in response.

"Siruko-san?"

He didn't get an answer. Limone tried to make him calm down and breathe, and thankfully Siruko-san listened to him. The poor guy hiccuped and sniffed, and Sensei was already plotting Mintosu's death. He'll make it look like an accident too. One can’t play video games in prison after all.

"*sniff*... we had.. a fight, tente-… He got angry coz he said I was smothering him. I swear I didn't mean to nag, Sensei! I was just worried coz you know!..... Minben-san doesn't keep normal sleeping hours… well, I don't too so I don’t have the right.. but I was just worried, Chenche-!!"

Sensei pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Okay, so maybe he won't kill Mintosu, but he deserves a punch. Maybe two. In times like this Limone wished he could run to Tochigi and comfort Siruko in person. He'd been there once for a business-related meeting, and instead of staying in a hotel, Siruko offered their home. It was a nice trip, and he got to meet Siruko's lovely folks and brother. It made him guilty but also fulfilled for some reason, that he was able to stay in Siruko's house and spend time with him. It was something his internet relationship with Mintosu hasn't had yet at that time.

Forcing himself back to the present, Limone took off his glasses and wiped it with his shirt. Ever since he urged Siruko-san to confess, he became somewhat a confidante to their relationship. Siruko would sometimes share the good stuff but also vent out his frustrations. The positive point of this is that Sensei got to talk to Siruko-san, but it low-key stings as well.

"Siruko-san. You know what you were getting into when you started this relationship. Heck, you know Mintosu-san so well, so you should have known that he loves his freedom. I'm not saying you're wrong for worrying, but Mintosu-san is… well, Mintosu-san after all. I'm sure he can take care of himself."

"I know that." Siruko sulked and pouted and sniffed again. He really should blow his nose. Sensei resisted the urge to wipe his tears from the monitor by clenching his hand under the table.

"Sometimes… sometimes I feel that he's not my boyfriend."

Sensei couldn't help it, but this ugly, dangerous thing called hope arises from the pits of his locked-up emotions that he squishes down every single time. He's only human after all. Limone forced himself to remember who it was that made Siruko-san laugh, who it was that Siruko-san always worried about, who it was that Siruko-san loved, and gods Sensei wished it was him, but it's not.

In his wallowing he didn't realize Siruko-san was still talking, "...and he doesn't even text me good night, and I'm not asking for so much romantic stuff, but would it kill him to at least say he loves me too?"

Siruko stopped, waiting for a reply that Sensei forced through the shards of glasses in his throat. He killed the thought that sprung in his mind, "I'll tell you I love you everyday if you were mine.", and instead he settled for, "No, it wouldn't kill him."

Sensei continued because he doesn’t hate Mintosu-san. The guy's a good guy, and he can see why Siruko fell for him. Even his annoying sides are endearing. Sensei wanted to defend his side that Siruko-san might have missed.

"But Siruko-san, you knew he wasn't the romantic, hearts-and-roses type of guy, and you fell for him anyway. Don't you think it's a bit unfair of you to expect him to suddenly be a sweet-honey-words kind of guy? If you really wanted things like that, talk to him about it. Guide him through it, coz for all that idiot's bountiful of APEX skills, he sucks when it comes to emotions. Talk to him properly, and maybe back off with the nagging a little bit."

Siruko considered his words and looked thoughtful, and Sensei swallowed the bile coming up his throat, half-wishing they’d break up even though he just helped fix the misunderstanding. Finally, after long minutes of silence, Siruko showed a hint of that really cute, embarrassed smile. "Thanks Sensei. You're really good with advice."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Siruko chuckled a little and Sensei was content with that, he told himself. Just that slight hint that he was able to make Siruko-san feel better was enough. He doesn't want more, he lied to himself. "I might start to call you love-sensei now www. How come you're so good with relationship advice but you don't have a girlfriend? Want me to set up someone for you?"

"Do it and I'll kill you. You're lucky I don't charge you consultation fees."

"Coz you love me~" Siruko sang playfully.

You have no idea, Sensei thought hard. "I'll fucking kill you, bakagayo! Now if you don't have anything else to say, I'm gonna go to sleep."

"It's just 12 midnight! Since when do you sleep so early?"

I actually won’t. I'll lie down and imagine ways I could treat you better than he can, then hate myself for thinking such evil, selfish thoughts. But Sensei replied instead, "I just played a horror game and I went out today, so I'm a bit tired." Sensei knew Siruko-san would feel guilty he disturbed Sensei, that's how well he knew Siruko-san by now, so he followed up immediately. "Shut up, don't apologize. I'd always make time for you, you know that." The teacher said quietly. "We're friends, aren't we?"

Siruko's pretty lips lifted up in one corner wistfully. "Yeah."

The conflict of Sensei liking that smile versus the painful confirmation that they'll only ever be friends clenched Sensei's heart tight. "Then, good night Siruko-san. Ja na, mata ne.”

"Bye bye. Thank you, Sensei."

Sensei lay awake the whole night, until dawn came and the golden rays of the sun filter through his windows. It's like this every time, and Sensei should have been used to it, but he's not. He let the pain wash over him, thinking he might not be a sadist like what people think, but instead he might actually be masochistic.

But he'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

The third time, or he's not sure since it's been so long enough that he's not keeping count anymore, it was Siruko-san's birthday. He had just finished streaming Minecraft, and he put the Bintroll stream on background while he got something to drink. He didn't notice at first, but he knew something was wrong. Siruko-san was good at pretending, sometimes too good, so it's no surprise if the listeners didn't hear it, if even his own friends didn't know. But Sensei knew, heard that off-note, that slightly forced laugh, slightly louder, more exaggerated reaction. From the way Bintroll reacted too, they knew it, or at least have noticed it enough, but the show must go on. It's a livestream, and it's an unwritten rule among streamers that no one should break down during that. He knows that Siruko-san is happy, he really is, but something was missing. Or someone.

"Call me when you're done streaming." He typed on LINE, knowing Siruko-san is checking his phone. Not for his message of course. Never for his.

They finished the stream without reading the superchat donation, partly because Siruko-san was tired laughing and talking from the stream, but Sensei knew the other reason. He waits, but he also knew Siruko-san wouldn't call, because he doesn't like imposing on someone, troubling someone for something he thinks he can endure, even if it breaks his heart. He's too kind to do that, even if that was dumb. How many times has Sensei told him it was okay to rant to him, to call him when he's in trouble, or even when he's just bored? How many times has Siruko-san done it too, but each time Sensei has to reassure him that it was okay, he's not disturbing, that Sensei wants to listen to him. Siruko-san is truly dumb and masochistic, keeping everything to himself until he explodes with it, and there will be ugly messy crying and moping for days and drowning in alcohol and not leaving his bed. Sensei knew him too well. And if it was in Sensei's power to, if not protect him from things that can hurt him, then to pick him up when he's down, Sensei will do it, no questions asked.

Maybe Sensei is dumb and masochistic too, he realizes, as he dialed Siruko-san's number.

After 14 rings, during which Sensei is thinking of a hundred and one ways of killing Mintosu even if he has grown to also be close and endeared to the guy thanks to Siruko-san's efforts of getting the three of them to play together, Siruko finally picked up. He's silent, but Sensei knew he's there, and it just meant he wasn't in the mood to talk. Sensei could pick up the low sounds of sniffing and knew he was crying. Damn it. Sensei could take a million broken bones if it was just him, but just a hint of Siruko-san hurting and his knees lose strength.

"What happened." He demanded, but nothing. Silence answered him. Sensei waits and waits and waits. It always took so much coaxing, because no matter how friendly and sunny and cheerful Siruko-san always appears to be, he's an introvert who has insecurities deeper than the ocean and a long list of anxieties making it hard for him to open up sometimes. But Sensei is a patient man. He's already broken the walls Siruko built, passed through the mazes of Siruko's brilliant mind and fragile heart, and if Siruko-san makes more walls, Sensei won't ever be tired of breaking it down. Because beyond those walls is a precious, child-like heart that only wanted to be loved and accepted and happy, and it was very simple to give those things to him. Sensei knew he could give it.

"Minben-san."

"What."

"He…" Sensei sees it without really seeing it. The opening of the waterworks, tears flowing down. "He promised.. he'd come."

And Sensei understood immediately. Goddamnit, that fucking idiot. He could picture Siruko waiting, checking his phone from time to time, waiting for a Discord notification. Smiling and laughing as people wish him happy birthday, and it makes him happy, it really does, but it's different.

"Sensei.. you're really smart, right? You're love-sensei, right? So can you tell me…" Siruko sobbed, breaking Sensei's heart to a million pieces. "...what do you do.. when the one who means the most to you… is the one who didn't show?"

Sensei held his breath. Horror games he can do. Minecraft he can do. This? He doesnt fucking know how to fix this.

"Sensei… thank you by the way… you… you gave me superchat even in the middle of you streaming…You always do that, and it’s really thoughtful... that was really nice… thank you."

And Siruko dropped the call. Sensei clenched his fist, wanting to punch something. It was 4am, but he moved into motion almost without thought. Bought a train ticket to Tochigi and boarded the first train as soon as the station opened, carrying nothing but his wallet and phone and earpods. It took about two hours, and he stared as the view changed from high-rise skyscrapers to something a little more green, a little more rural. He took a cab to the address he knew so well; he's been here so many times that he's already a familiar face.

"Sensei..?" Hakotaro-san opened the door, surprised, but also relieved. He let him in without so much ado, even though it was too early. Sensei realized it's a Sunday, and it's still breakfast time. It's a weird time to come over a house, but maybe Hakotaro-san has an idea of why he came. He said "ojamashimasu” and took off his shoes.

Papataro and Mamataro were surprised to see him, but they welcomed him with warm smiles, asked him how he'd been, took him to the dining table and forced him to eat breakfast with them. Sensei really likes them--this house, their family--and it makes him miss his own back in Hokkaido. He apologized for coming unannounced and gave them the big cake he bought in haste because it's rude to come to a house without a gift, and they waved him off, telling him it's alright, although Siruko-chan's still in his room, probably still asleep. It's not a surprise to Sensei because he knows Siruko-san doesn't eat breakfast. He chatted with them and felt warm, because they treat him like he's a part of the family too, and Sensei knows where Siruko-san got his kindness from. Siruko and Hakotaro got their looks from their father, but they both got their mother's sweet smile.

He waited in the living room and scratched Baron absently as Hakotaro-san came up to his Niisan's room, and Sensei chuckled when he heard Siruko's loud, panicked shriek. Sensei liked cats more than dogs, but Baron is a good good boy. He's a bit older now so he's calmer and more domestic than most dogs, and Sensei loves his quiet company. Hakotaro-san came again and brought him snacks and a glass of water, and Baron followed his master and jumped on his lap like he's still a puppy even though he's bigger now. They sat in silence, because while they're friendly enough to have exchanged banter or two, Sensei's actually a bit more quieter and serious off the camera, off his online persona. The silence was actually nice, comfortable even, because it gave Sensei time to think and evaluate. Why the hell did he come here so impulsively?

"You would have been better for him, Sensei."

Sensei almost choked on his own spit, actually coughed a bit at that statement, shock covering his face. Hakotaro-san continued to brush Baron's fur as if he just announced the weather and not like he just delivered the finishing blow to Sensei's already pining heart.

"I--uh… what?"

"Don't get me wrong. I love Minben-san too, and I can see how he tries his best to make Niisan happy, and I'm supportive of them. But Minben-san…. He's too independent, too free. Niisan's better off with someone he can spoil but also someone who spoils him. Niisan likes to be needed, but also is needy himself. I know Minben-san is trying, and I know he loves Niisan with all his heart, but if it was you, Sensei, it would have been easier. Less clashing. You're both equals in a sense that Niisan can give and take, that… forgive my Kansai metaphor for the lack of better expression, Niisan can be boke but also tsukkomi. You balance each other in a way."

And the truth is, Sensei did think that too. It's not that Mintosu-san is a bad guy, but he's someone that was already happy and content by playing games, and complicated things like emotions and things like that is not his forte. He's been friends with the guy long enough to know who he actually is even off the camera. Mintosu did not strike him as someone who could be raw and open, which is something you need for a relationship to work. And Mintosu also seemed that kind of guy who would feel confined with the commitments of a relationship.

Mintosu-san is a great guy, a really good person, but he's not a natural lover. He's tough and doesn't mince his words and doesn't do the hearts-and-flowers and the feelings thing, and that's not wrong, but sometimes Sensei thinks he has a better relationship with his fans and listeners than with Siruko-san. He was always more considerate of them, kinder, gentler, and maybe it’s because that kind of human interaction is simpler and easier.

But that doesn't mean Mintosu didn't love Siruko. Heck, it's a testament to how much he loves Siruko-san because he always tries hard to be what he's not. Sensei knew that Mintosu-san tries his best to remember important events, to send gifts and take Siruko out on dates, to be more generous with his I love yous. Mintosu-san is good for Siruko-san; he knows Siruko-san full well and understands every part of him, and they can be a really good team when they try hard enough. They have this shared history that Sensei can't ever replicate. Sensei acknowledged, respected, and supported their relationship with all his being; heck, he's even the one that triggered it into happening.

And Sensei hated himself everyday for this, but he wished he was Mintosu. That if one thing had been different in this universe, he wished he could have been what Siruko's heart wanted. That he was the one who received Siruko's kind, loving smiles, who got to make love to him, who got to give him the happiness he very much deserved. Limone-sensei would have been so good to Siruko-san, would have given him the attention he craved and the reassurances he needed. He would have been strict to him because Siruko tended to forget everything when he's so addicted to a game, would have crashed his stream to scold him to eat, but he also would have given in to Siruko's whinings, because there's very little Sensei can deny Siruko-san. He already does all of these things, but only as a friend, never more than that. He would have given him the universe if Siruko-san asked for it.

But Sensei had no time to indulge this self-pity, because his universe came out of the room, covered head to toe with a soft, velvety brown blanket. His beautiful purple eyes were puffy from crying, and he looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep. Sensei wanted to bundle him up and just envelop him in his arms to protect him from anything that might hurt him, but in this universe, he didn't have the right to do that.

"What are you doing here?" Siruko-san pouted. Sensei wondered if he was disappointed that it wasn't his lover that came to surprise him. His voice was hoarse, either from streaming or crying, Sensei didn't know, but he hated it. Hated that he couldn’t take care of Siruko-san the way he wanted to, because in this universe, Siruko’s heart wants what it wants, and that was Mintosu-san.

"I brought you cake. Happy late birthday."

"I don't like sweet things though." Siruko-san sat between his brother and Sensei and casually placed his head on Sensei's shoulder, because they're close enough friends he could do that. Totally platonic, to Sensei's disappointment, but Sensei let him. That's one thing about Siruko-san, he's clingy and surprisingly craves touch. Sensei draped one arm over him and pats Siruko's shoulder, and he thought about where he finds this easy to do, Mintosu would have been repulsed yet forced to give this level of affection. He felt bad for Mintosu-san, but not that much, because at least Siruko's heart belonged to him.

Sensei rolled his eyes in response. "Yeah, like I didn't know that. It was lemon cake."

Siruko snorted playfully underneath the blanket. "Because it's from you?"

"What else?"

The three of them sat in silence for a while. It should have been weird but it wasn't, at least not to them. Sensei decided to break the silence and finally reveal what he came here for. His exhaustion suddenly washed over him--a few intermittent naps on the train wasn't enough--but he had to do this. He'll never let Siruko-san cry again, not if he can help it.

"Go take a bath and wear some nice clothes, bakatare. We're going somewhere."

Siruko sat up like a puppy who had been called to attention. "Where?"

"To Nara, to Mintosu-san's house."

He saw the hurt and betrayal and refusal in Siruko's eyes, but there was also this hope and desire that made Sensei feel what he's doing is right even though it's not what he wants to do at all. "I-it's okay Sensei," Siruko denied, "I-it's really okay and I… I'm used to this. Minben-san texted me that he forgot and got tired from streaming so he fell asleep, that's all. You don't have to do this and I… I'm fine."

Sensei stared at him hard and Siruko flinched. "There's no reason to go there, and besides, I'm sure he's busy, and--"

"Does there need to be a reason?!" Sensei suddenly raised his voice, and he stilled himself. Sometimes it's so hard to control his emotions, and he's so so angry but he can't be, because there was no black and white here. He can't blame Mintosu for unknowingly hurting Siruko because he had never been that kind of guy anyway, one who prepares romantic stuff to surprise his lover on his special day. It was an honest mistake on his part, and even that was just, so Mintosu. And he also can't blame Siruko-san for this, for expecting something more, because it was his right as a boyfriend, his right to get the simple happiness he wanted. Sensei took a deep breath to calm himself. Here were two people who loved each other but sucked at showing it, and if all they needed was a little push, a little nudge to the right direction, then Sensei was willing to make himself fall apart just so they could both be whole.

"You want to see him, don't you?" Sensei said in a hushed voice. He glanced at Hakotaro-san who didn't interfere and made a reaction, just watching them. "If you want to see him, that's good enough reason, Siruko-san. And when you see each other, you'll fight and be at each other's throat, but also make up and forgive, because you can't let this misunderstanding be unresolved. It'll be a festering wound, and I can only see this incident as something that'll come back and bite you in the future. I know both of you too well because you are my friends. I know you, Siruko-san, that you'll say you're fine now but you'll never forget this, and you'll bring this up against him every time you see the chance, because you were hurt and you'll want him to acknowledge it. And I know Mintosu-san, that he'll get sick of it because he can't tolerate your emotional needs, he'll push you away and turn the blame on you again like he always does, because he has always been a prideful person. And you're both idiots but you're both not wrong for being what you both are. So if I have to drag you to Mintosu-san's house by stuffing all 175cm of you in a suitcase, I swear I will, because you both need to talk."

Siruko freezed, processed everything that Sensei said, and stormed back to his room and shut his door with a loud bang, because for all their silly fighting, Siruko is too similar to Mintosu sometimes, both idiots who likes to bottle their emotions inside of them, and when confronted with it, will run away from it. Hakotaro-san hummed in consideration, making Sensei jump a little because he had honestly forgotten about him.

Sensei cleared his throat. "What?"

"You're right, of course, but I still stand by what I said. Their chemistry is too… explosive, and that can be a good or a bad thing. Their similarities make it stable, but both being water signs, one moment they can be as peaceful as a lake, then the next it's a raging tsunami. Them knowing each other so well works for them, because they have their own level of understanding no one can reach, but that also means they know each other's buttons and what ticks each other off, and they both use it against the other. I don't like that Niisan always has to apologize first and he just goes along with what Minben-san wants so they don't clash, but I also don't like Minben-san being forced to go out of his comfort zone to be this person Niisan needs him to be. Their love can be something so very beautiful, but it can also easily turn into something toxic.

On the other hand, while you and Niisan are very different from each other, it's complementary. What the other lacks, one makes up. People have this misconception that Niisan is outgoing, but he just finds it easier to make friends on the internet. So while you, Sensei, is extroverted, it complements Niisan being introverted. Niisan's patience can keep up with your need to try new things, and your ability to back down works with Niisan's need to be right all the time. You're fire and water and it shouldn't work but it can because you're both emotionally mature and flexible enough to balance each other out."

Sensei didn’t get scared easily, but now he did, because his palms are getting clammy and there might be actual goosebumps at his nape. Was… Hakotaro-san reading his mind? Did Hakotaro-san… know he's been harboring these feelings for his older brother all this time? He knew the younger one had always been observant and intelligent like his Niisan, but to this extent? Sensei resisted the urge to shiver.

"Why… are you telling me this?"

Hakotaro-san shrugged. "No reason. I know Minben-san and Niisan will get through this, especially with you always helping their relationship. I want what's best for my Niisan, but I also want what makes him happy. Give me a moment to talk some sense to him. He'll only go to Nara if you come with him, so, yoroshiku onegaishimasu." Hakotaro-san bowed slightly and Sensei was a second too late to return it, mind reeling from the analysis the blonde just revealed, and by the time he recovered, Hakotaro was already in his brother's room, and he's left alone with Baron and Pii-chan in the living room.

It took everything in Sensei to not get undone in that living room, to kill the rising hope in his heart that maybe, maybe he has a chance. Maybe he should just let this incident go, so that if their relationship sours, Sensei can swoop in and show Siruko-san how to be properly loved and treated. If they break up, Mintosu will be free of this emotion thing that shackles him and do what he loves the most, sometimes more than his own boyfriend, which is gaming, and that would be best for him. And Siruko, sweet, dearest Siruko, won't have to settle with the scraps of affection and attention Mintosu-san gives him, because Sensei can do it. Sensei can come to every one of his birthday stream and be touchy and affectionate and open, and he can love him more than this.

Gods, he wished he was a horrible enough person so he can be capable of ruining a relationship.

An hour passed, and Hakotaro-san told him his Niisan was calm now, so Sensei entered his room. Siruko, who looks like a burrito with that blanket bundling him, glared angrily at him, but without any heat. Sensei settled on his gaming chair.

"You're mean." And the buriko ojiisan actually stuck his tongue out at him, the nerve.

He's mean?! As if Mintosu didn't bully him every time. Tch. "So?"

"Do you even know how far Tochigi and Nara is? It's like 6 hours away by train."

"And if your dramatic ass didn't throw up a tantrum, we would have been in the train by now."

"See?? Meanie!!" Siruko accused, turning his back to Sensei. "I'm not sure I wanna talk to him. I don't even know what to say to him."

And Sensei thought, this is it. He could say that they didn't have to go, and let this misunderstanding pile up with their other issues until it blows in their face. But he glanced at their rare framed picture on Siruko's desk, with their wide smiles, Mintosu's arm draped over Siruko's shoulder while holding a peace sign and Siruko looking at Mintosu with such adoration in his eyes, and Sensei can’t.

"I'm sure you can think of something during that stupid 6 hour ride."

And Siruko looked back at him, gave him this soft, grateful smile and said okay, and Sensei tasted cotton balls in his mouth. If only Siruko knew how awful Sensei's thoughts were, he wouldn't be so trusting of him. Sensei's stomach is filled with gravel, and it makes his body heavy and sick with something medicine can’t cure. A martyr, that’s what he was, or a living thing but dead inside. Loving Siruko-san was the most exquisite form of self-destruction.

And in the train ride to Nara, where Siruko spent most of the time sleeping on Sensei's shoulder, Sensei should be feeling happy with this moment of just the two of them. But he didn’t.

It just felt like death by a thousand cuts.

And later, Mintosu, who did this stupid perfect impression of a fish out of the water with his surprise to see them in his apartment, jaw dropped and eyes wide, let them in. Siruko was silent and kept biting his lips, and Mintosu was genuinely confused, and Sensei would like to punch them both and go home. So Sensei acts like a mediator, almost like a marriage counselor, and at first Mintosu and Siruko refuse to let their emotions out, but Sensei shouts at them that he didn't come all the way from Tokyo for this bullshit, so they let their frustrations out and shout at each other, and Mintosu almost storms out in anger but Sensei doesn't let him, and Siruko cries this angry tears but Sensei forces him to calm down, and they both manipulate each other's emotions and are both stubborn and vindictive, but in the end they come to an agreement to be more understanding and more open with their feelings and with a promise to always talk and communicate, and they make up. Sensei faked forgetting to make an important phone call and stepped outside to give them some privacy, because the last thing he needed was to see them kiss in front of him.

At midnight they went out and ate the best ramen in town and it was really delicious, and they traded jokes and laughed and talked about their favorite things. Sensei slept on the couch while the couple slept in Mintosu's room, and Sensei didn’t really get any sleep, because he's busy trying not to imagine what they must be doing on the other side of the apartment, and hating himself for being unable to be an awful person because once again, he probably has contributed more to this relationship more than any outsider has or needed to, and he tries to be happy for them because they are happy and in love.

Sensei asked the Mintosu's ceiling if he'll be alright and it said, "I don't know."

The last time, it wasn't really the last, but it did feel like the end. It's been more than a year, and one day, as they finished shooting a video, Mintosu DM-ed Sensei.

It's not that unusual, since Mintosu and Sensei did develop their own friendship outside of their collabs, partly because of Siruko. Sensei kind of became their go-to person when they're in trouble with their relationship, and it kills Sensei but also makes him feel like he's not completely a terrible person if he was able to help them out.

It was rare though, for Mintosu to reach out first. So Sensei voice-called him, partly because he wanted to rest his fingers, and partly because he'll be able to hear Mintosu's emotions through his voice.

"Moshi moshi Sensei!"

"Hai hai, mosh mosh, doushita doushita."

"Ano.. I was kind of wondering if… how do you say this… if you had any advice for me..?"

That was weird. Mintosu, unsure of himself? At loss for words? Is there a zombie apocalypse outside his door right now?

"For what?"

"Coz I… um… I'm planning to ask Siruko-san to marry me."

And the world stopped spinning. Time stood still, and the world turned into shades of gray. Sensei’s heart gets caught up in his throat, and his insides were being turned into mush.

"...Sensei?"

Sensei shook his head to clear his mind, but it's so hard to breathe. He regretted voice calling now, because it's so hard to talk when his throat felt like acid. "C...Congratulations, teme!! W-wow this is such a big.. move, like wow, really. Dude, congrats…"

"Thanks Sensei! You're actually the third person I told, after my family and my best friend. I'm kinda nervous and excited for it!"

"Y-yeah… I bet you are… Listen, can I go to the toilet for a bit?"

"Sure, iterrashai!"

Sensei ran to the toilet and hurled the dinner he ate, his hands shaking. He splashed water on his face to calm himself down. He'd seen this coming, taught himself how to react when he hears the news, trained himself to accept it, but it still came crashing down on him like boulders on a landslide. This was his worst nightmare coming true.

"I’m back."

"Osu!"

"So… advice huh?"

"Yeah! The ring stuff, my bestfriend can take care of that, coz I have zero knowledge in that area hahaha. But I still don't know how to ask him. Should I go for the dinner style? Or the… blegh, ring on champagne thing? Coz I really dont wanna have to, thinking about it makes me puke, blegh."

And Sensei felt horrible for this, he really did, but he told Mintosu… what he let himself imagine in the middle of the night when he lets the devil in him take over, when he would revel in his deepest, darkest fantasies, things he would have done for Siruko-san. How he would have proposed.

Siruko-san deserved something grand, but also private. Sensei would have made a scavenger hunt for him, but one Siruko can do in his house because he doesn't like going out, so he'll need to ask Hakotaro-san for help. It's perfect for him, since he loves games, and he's good at solving problems and figuring things out. The next puzzle pieces will come from Bintroll, and Siruko-san can VC or chat with them about it. It will give him time to spend with the people he loves the most, and when he looks back at this memory, Siruko-san would love that they were involved. The last puzzle piece would take him to a hotel though, for their privacy. Sensei would have pulled out all stops for him, rose petals and candles everywhere (he leaves this part out because he doesn’t think Mintosu-san will do this, nor does it suit him), and he imagined Siruko-san confused but super touched at the romantic gesture, and then Sensei would come out and give him an embarrassing but heartfelt speech about how much he loves him and wants to spend forever with him, that Siruko was his lifeline (like the character they both like in APEX), that a man like Sensei can only love someone that greatly once, so Siruko was his one and only. Sensei imagined Siruko-san getting a bit emotional with the speech and cracking a joke to lighten the mood, and then he'd fall down on one knee and tell him how he loves everything about Siruko-san, his good leadership and charisma that makes everyone around him respect and treasure him, his supportive side that lifts everyone around him up, and even his demanding, whiny side that makes you wanna scold him but also indulge him.

And they would have been good for each other. They compensate for what each other doesn't have. They bring out the best in each other. Where Sensei was sometimes emotionally distant, Siruko's empathy and warmth fills that. Where Siruko was full of insecurities and anxieties, Sensei was the confidence and the daring that would support him. They both have a loud personality, which, in a non-arrogant way, has this center-of-attention thing that charms people so well, but also, they both have a side that sometimes hides in the background blending in quietly, and that's what make it's so balanced, because when one roars, the other one knows how to shut up, and vice versa. They can be both assertive and analytical, but they're also both attentive and generous. Sure, they would have had some friction, but they were both understanding enough to have handled it. It would've been sweet, if it could've been him. It would've been fun, if Sensei was the one.

They would have been as natural and beautiful as the purple-blue daybreak sky.

But it wasn't. In this world, it was Mintosu that Siruko wanted and loved. Mintosu who gets to wake up in the morning next to him, who got to cook curry for him and take care of him, who got to hold him in his arms. And they still worked, despite the seemingly destructive fights, because they were proof that if two people tried hard enough, they could make it work. Siruko learned how to assert his opinions and call out Mintosu for his bullshit, and Mintosu learned how to listen and be more showy with his affection. They still have their worse moments, and sometimes they both treat their issues the same way: either pretending it didn't exist even if it bothered them, or giving the other the cold silent treatment, or have screaming fights where they throw their words like knives, and on the worst ones, someone has to interfere, most times (to his agony), it was Sensei who did. But they pulled through by some miracle, and Sensei was happy for them, he really is. They make a good couple when they actually cooperate, and Sensei wouldn’t have approved of any other man other than Mintosu-san for Siruko-san.

And Mintosu-san actually did follow Sensei's advice, to his surprise. Sensei volunteered to make the scavenger hunt for him because that's not Mintosu's strength, but he helped and made an effort to be involved in the process. There were no roses or candles or long speeches, only the few words of: "Siruko-san, I want you to be my partner in everything; in gaming and in life. Marry me." And Siruko didn't believe him at first and thought it was a prank, but when he saw Minben-san was serious for once, he dived into Minben-san's arms and shouted “Yeeees!” And Mintosu-san almost drops the ring but he was able to catch Siruko, and they laughed while their eyes got a bit moist and they spent the whole night reveling in each other's presence and owning each other in all senses. Limone-sensei knew this because they both told him, and he congratulated them sincerely and joked about buying them PC gear for their wedding gift, and later finally let himself cry for the first time.

That was months ago. Sensei's now dusting off his black suit and adjusting his navy blue tie while sitting on his chair, waiting for the wedding ceremony to start. There were two aisles that meet in a center altar, where the officiant is already on standby. Sensei was one of the few lucky people invited in the small ceremony, as usually most people attended the reception instead. Both Mintosu and Siruko wanted him to come, as they said they both owe their relationship to him. Sensei couldn't say no even if he tried, of course. Some good part of him was still proud at what he's done to help, even if his heart dropped to his stomach and shattered to a million pieces at the thought of attending the wedding he very much wanted to be his.

The grooms arrived and walked the aisle, but of course Sensei was only looking at Siruko-san. He was beautiful, with his purple hair combed well and there were no longer dark shadows in his eyes. Not that he has ever been any less beautiful to Sensei, because Sensei found his tired or drunk state equally cute, but this, his wide smile full of nervousness and excitement, his purple eyes shining with glee, it was too much for Sensei, because it wasn't meant for him. He choked on bitter bile and coughed, and beside him Shoichi side-eyed him worriedly. He was the only one who knew, of course. Sensei couldn't have confided in Hanachan; he was already too busy with his own things to think about, and plus, he wouldn’t understand why Sensei backed off. He would have urged Sensei to pursue Siruko-san. Shoichi only knew because he and Sensei went out eating one day and ended up in a bar, and Sensei couldn't hold his alcohol well and accidentally ranted. Shoichi promised he'd never tell anyone, and Sensei knew Shoichi also wanted to ask Sensei why he never tried, but the editor didn’t, only offered silent consolation like a brother. It helped him get through the pain and the heartache, but it never fully healed. This kind of pain lasts a lifetime, because the only love that lasts is unrequited love.

And as they exchanged vows, Sensei tried to let go. He's known for a long time now, what love really means. It meant making difficult, painful choices for the happiness of another person, more than your own. Loving Siruko was the most beautiful and tragic thing he's ever done, but it was okay. He sees Mintosu gaze at Siruko with the same loving eyes he has, and that was good enough. Perhaps such a great love like Sensei had was never meant to be returned, but it will be alright.

And when they kissed, Sensei thought it was okay. People fall in love with people they can't have all the time.

He'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

And this story did have a happy ending, just not for him.

The end.

Ren’s RANT that you don’t have to read:

About the story!

Please don't hate Minsan. I love that guy so much and even though him forgetting birthdays is almost a canon-like thing he can do, my good friend Hotaru (who likes to pretend she is Minsan's wife) pointed out that Minben-san doesn't seem like a person who would forget someone's birthday especially if it was someone special to him. He'd most likely buy you a present, although he might forget to give it to you on your actual birthday. 😂😂😂 and that's okay, it was an honest mistake on his part, that's the reason why Sensei wouldn't punch him and Siruko-san forgave him easily. It's just a Minsan thing and I love him.

I also want to point out that Minsan is also emotionally intellectual in a sense that he analyzes feelings and emotions very well, and if you watch his streams he actually has a side to him that's good at self-introspection. We just think he's not the type to show his vulnerable self, and that's why he doesn't really show up much in Bintroll livestreams, because he's more comfortable with gaming than casual chatting, and that's okay. Please don't think I don't ship MinSiru too; I was the biggest MinSiru fan and I still am, and I have probably influenced so many to their ship too. I like their dynamics as well, but as someone who has watched Minben-san for quite a bit of a long time, lately I realized that when it comes to him, Mintosu x Fans are the true canon ship. If you watch his streams closely, you'll know how much he cares about his listeners and really truly genuinely enjoys his interactions with them. He's a complex man; he has different sides of him in the Hanae channel, Bintroll channel, and his own channel, and if you watch him more, you'll fall in love with how close he is to his listeners. That's why I think Mintosu x Fans is canon www (ship MinRen for world peace and clear skin!!) (Ren who imagines herself with Minsan more than Minsan with Siruty)

I see Mintosu as someone who cannot be tied down by a relationship because that’s not him, and that’s okay because you can already see his happiness by gaming, and I love him for that.

This fic is controversial (and that's why it took me a full week to decide whether to publish it) in a sense that I've given some bad points about MinSiru. I did give them some good points, but since it's Sensei POV, it came across as sad. But just because it would be difficult doesn't mean it wouldn't work. Trust me, I'm in a relationship with someone who's almost like Min-san in personality, but we've been together for almost 3 years now. I used to think Siruko-san was a saint for enduring all Mintosu-san's trolls, coz if that was me, I would be annoyed, but there's a reason why Mintosu only does it to Siruko; it's because he's the most comfortable with Siruko3. Siruko-san is patient and understanding enough to deal with Minsan's quirks, and Minsan is also loves his company. They are more similar than people think, and that's why it's easy for them to be in sync. It'll be difficult, but it'll work. Believe me.

LimoSiru rant:

I think I’m getting better at writing angst wwww it’s just sad because if one really watched closely all four channel’s livestreams and videos, they’d see LimoSiru is beautiful too. They may not have had shared history and sexual tension, but it’s obvious how Siruko-san really supports Sensei in everything, and Sensei in return supports Bintroll even if he didn’t have to, and that’s beautiful.

I think part of the reason why I ship LimoSiru is because they make it so easy for me. It's not my fault when they are the ones who make all these cute, flirty interactions. I've started shipping them since the Fall Guys stream and have noticed how incredibly cute their relationship is. Imagine someone crashing your stream because he had this puzzle he couldn’t solve and because you’re so smart, he goes to you instead, not caring if you are currently streaming or if there are fans watching. Like seriously, Sensei, don’t you have friends? Or couldn’t you just LINE Siruko-san afterwards? If it seems like LimoSiru just happened all of a sudden, I assure you it didn’t. It’s always been there, and they started as friends too. It's almost enemies to friends to something more. In the Dedomental video, Mintosu asks Siruko-san where his name came from, although he jokes it’s kinda dirty. If you watch Sensei’s POV, you’ll hear him laugh and say “I think it’s a good name.” Siruko-san always crashes Sensei’s stream and Sensei does the same, and I found it especially cute when Sensei always superchats in Siruko’s birthday stream; first, when he played DbD with them, and on the second, isn’t it cute how he sends superchat while he’s streaming, like he doesn’t have to do that, but he did. Even in the Bintroll 100k stream, he helped them make the DbD minecraft after his own stream, and that was so on-the-spot, and the fact that he did that even though he could have just ended his stream and rested, is very thoughtful. And have you watched that sudden stream that took our wigs off? Bintroll had just received their silver play and moments later Sensei wanted a stream with Siruko-san, when he could have just congratulated them on Twitter or LINE. The conversations, gods they sound like two people who were in the early stages of dating, and it felt like we listeners were third-wheelers. They learned their lesson on stream #2 because the conversations were more proper and they kept themselves in check, but that raw, unfiltered, natural first stream was everything. I’ve always had so little content for LimoSiru and even if they didn’t do that I would have been happy, but now with that big, fat LimoSiru official thumbnail there, I have died and ascended to heaven. (As of the release of this post, they have interacted almost everyday for a week, and I don't know what to do with all these interactions! I've been so used to little content and now I'm just… dead)

But not everyone ships like me, I guess, one who can ship anything and everything equally. At the end of the day, nothing is canon. That’s the real angst in this post, hahahaha. I know the characters in my mind are different from the people who livestreams in real time, no matter how much I always try to keep the characterization close. So let’s just enjoy supporting them in our own ways.

Thank you for reading! I love you~~

#Bintrollfanfic

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rottengalzsworld · 5 years ago

Text

I'm Lost Without You.

"I'm sorry.." "Let's end this.."

I wonder when it started. When did we lost our spark? When did our relationship fell apart? When did we fall out of love? Or rather.. where did his love go?

We're childhood friends. We have been neighbors for who knows how long. My parents and his are the best of friends. Like literally. Both my mom and dad and his. They even want us to get married if only one of us is a girl. We couldn't careless over such things since we were still kids that time. I remember he always comes over to play everyday. Laughing, Sleeping, Eating.. we did that together. We went on the same elementary he was my saviour when I'm being bullied. At the same time I was his teacher and I taught him everything about academics.

High school started we went on the same school. Again. Same grade, Same section, and year. Since were always together our classmates teases us as husband and wife. It didn't seem to bother him so I just went on with it too. I forgot this is also the stage where we get curious about almost everything. Sexuality. Relationship. Love. Pleasure. One day while walking home after school he told me he wanna come over. I said "Yeah. Sure." I wasn't thinking of anything else since I'm use to him being always in our house. We went inside. No one's home. "Go on to my room first. I'll get us some snacks and drinks" I said. He nodded and went ahead. I brought some cookies and juice. As I went inside my room he's lying on my bed. Faced down. "Hey. I brought some cookies" he gave me a moan as an answer. I sat down on the floor and leaned my back against my bed. He suddenly got up took his bag and started rummaging inside. "Ah! Found it!" He took out a somewhat called a dvd. "DOJUN! let's watch this!" He showed me what that dvd was about and to my surprise.. It was an adult dvd. "Wha-- where did you even get that?!" I asked embarrassingly. He smiled at me "Hehehe.. I saw this from my father's closet and I figured we should watch it together! Hihihi" he immediately put the dvd on and I had no choice but to watch it with him. Then like any other guy in puberty we reacted naturally. We weren't talking nor even glancing at each other. Too embarrassed of the situation. Haaah.. seriously.. why did we end up like this? I glanced at him and his all red and sweaty. His face screams pain. He's covering his crotch. 'Hehehe.. how cute' I thought to myself. "Could you quit staring at me? I'm getting uncomfortable" he's blushing so hard.. 'cute.. cute.. cute..' This side of him makes me wanna tease him more. And so I did. I slowly touched his arms. He shivered. "Wha- what the hell dojun!" He said while still blushing.. "What? You look like your in pain.. just wanna help you out." I said.. aah. He's so cute when he's embarrassed. "S-stop it.." he said.. ugh! I held both of his hands up. Went in front of him.. kissed him while un-buckling his pants. I don't know what came over me. But I can't stop myself. He was.. He kept on saying no.. but why do I feel like he doesn't mean it? I looked at him and stared.. "wh-what?" He asked nervously. "Heesoo.." I called out his name.. with a tone of hunger. I want him. What? Why? Why do I want him? He chuckled looked back at me and said "we've already gone this far.. don't leave me hanging now." After that I kissed him passionately.. started jerking both of our thing. Up and down. Twists and turns. Until we both came.

I kept on apologizing.. but he said it was okay and that he didn't hated it. But it didn't just end there. It happened multiple more times. It became a routine. Every time he comes over. We do it. I realized my true feelings for him when were talking about what we wanted to be in the future and what school were going to. When he said he wants to go to another state for college.. it pierced me. Thinking that I'm not gonna able to see him everyday.. kills me. And so our graduation came. I confessed my feelings. I told him that wherever he goes.. I'll go and that I like him.. more than just a friend. He was shocked. I expected as much. But he answered my feelings right then and there. "I thought I will never hear that from you" he smiled and hugged me. Not long after our parents knew about our relationship and they're all supportive.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. We graduated college and again together. After graduation we bought our own apartment and lived there. We both work and have separate but not so much different schedules. We see each other every weekends. Spend it like any other couple. After a year I was promoted as an executive. We celebrated it but things go downhill for the two of us after this. Higher rank means more work load. I come home late. Wake up early or sometimes too late. We see each other once per week or sometimes we don't. We haven't spent time with each other. And I think that's one of the reason why something changed. It was the night of our anniversary and I did whatever it takes to come home early. I brought flowers and his favorite sweets. As I arrived I saw his shoes. "He's here" I smiled and I looked at the time. I made it. "Heesoo? I'm ho-me.." I saw bags at the side of the entrance. What? Did someone came over? He was sitting on the couch. "Heesoo?" He stood up and came to me. Then I heard the words I have been wishing and hoping to never hear my entire life.

His head's down "I'm sorry.." his voice is shaking "L-let's end this.." That time my chest started burning. My back aches. My knees are losing strength. I'm getting lightheaded. I can't say anything. My voice won't come out. "Nothings wrong with you.. You.. did nothing wrong. It's.. it's me.." he said while still looking down. I wanna say something but my voice just won't come out. I want to ask him why? what's wrong? But none of those were heard. I was staring at him. Surprised. Hurt. Confused. "I'm going." He walked pass me. I can't move. My chest hurts. I can't breathe. He left. He really left. I don't understand what just happened. I can't process everything. I sat down and held my head. Trying to calm down and think. My heart beats so fast I can hear it. My vision is blurry. Tears started flowing.

2 weeks passed and I haven't heard anything from him. I tried calling his number but his phone's off. Messaging him but no reply. I've asked his mom where he could possibly be but she said she have no idea. Even his friends doesn't know where he is. Heesoo. Please. Come back to me.

6 months later.. I'm still working at the same company. And a horrible news came to me. Heesoo's mom called and told me that she know's where his son is. She said that heesoo is moving to another country. My heart is beating so fast. It's burning. My chest. The same sensation I had that day. She said that heesoo will be moving to America but she doesn't know where and that he's leaving today. I ran fast to my car. Drove to the airport. Ran inside. Looking for him. I'm out of breath but I didn't stop. Then I saw him. "HEESOO!" I shouted. He looked back to see where that voice came from. He saw me. I ran to him. "Dojun! What the hell are you doing here?!" I hugged him. Oh god. Thank you. I miss him so much. "Heesoo.. why are you leaving? Do you hate me that much?" I asked him tearfully. "No. Dojun. I don't hate you." He said. "Then why? Why are leaving? That time too. I'm sorry about everything. I promise.. I promise I'll make it up to you.. just.. just don't leave me.."

"I'm sorry.. but I can't" he said. "I have to do this dojun. We've always been together.. always behind each other's backs and coz of that I.. I grew to not live by myself anymore. And so when you got promoted and come home late I felt so lonely I could die." But isn't that a good thing? Atleast I know you can't live without me.

"I know what your thinking. It isn't a good thing dojun. I don't wanna be a hindrance for your growth.. your success.. specially.. I don't want to be a burden." What? What's he saying?

"Heesoo. You know your no--" I tried to say something but he cut me "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! Dojun.. this is not just a simple thing. I have to do this not just for me but for us. I don't want us to end up like my parents.." his parents?

"My dad can't live without my mom.. he became too clingy.. at first my mom finds it cute but as time goes it became troublesome. My dad gets jealous easily. Thinking every guy my mom talks to is her lover. I'm slowly being like that.. and I don't like it dojun!" He's starting to cry.. this is the first time I'm hearing this.. "I don't want our relationship to be like that.. That's why I ended it. After fixing myself I'm thinking of coming back to you. I know it's selfish. But for us to have a happily ever after.. I will do everything." Heesoo.. so he broke up with me because he wants to save.. us?

"I want to create a brand new story with you. Start a new relationship that'll last forever and for that to happen.. I have to reconstruct myself... *cries*" he caressed my face..

"I want to be a man that deserves to stand beside you.."

I'm horrible.. I made the person I love cry.

"Will you be able to wait for me?" He asked.. full of hope I'd say yes..

"Heesoo.." I took his hand off my face and held it.. then put it on my chest..

"Your the reason why this is still beating.. my heart will solely forever be yours." I said. My tears fell. One by one.

"I will wait for you.. no matter how long it takes. Just promise me you'll come back."

"I will. I promise. My love."

I kissed him. Hugged him. One last time.

I don't know how long it will take him. But that doesn't bother me. Coz I know he'll be back. Back to my arms.

As I stand here.. watching you go. Staring at your back walking further and further away.. Slowly being engulfed by the crowd of passengers. The burning in my chest fades away. It still stings but I know that this pain will turn into happiness. I just have to wait.

Heesoo.. The love of my life. My one and only. I'll always be here waiting for you. I love you.

#lost without you #love is an illusion #dojinshi #one shot #love story #boys love

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antique-darling · 5 years ago

Text

12 steps backwards

Hi, I’m Carys and I’m an alcoholic.

It started the same way as practically everyone else; understanding the intoxicating beauty of alcohol, a true social lubricant - and a firm willing suspension of disbelief that it’ll ever happen to you.

The whole sordid affair began around Christmastime 2006. I was extremely young and very beautiful, and dressed the part of a perfect outcast with my various studs and spikes, my facial piercings mostly resembling that of one who has headbutted a box of map pins. But I was horrifically shy, the shackles of post-puberty still lingering.

We’re in the UK, so I was handed a bottle of Smirnoff Ice at a house party. The more I drank, the more confident I became. I felt vibrant and stunning, although I was most likely being annoying. Even caught myself my first boyfriend that night, something which I’d never successfully been able to do. I managed to forget the two-day hangover which ensued.

Thus began a bitter relationship with alcohol, my best friend of over a decade who betrayed me, in the end.

I lived a 3-minute walk away from my high school, so I would frequently nip home at lunch to swindle some booze my mum had unsuccessfully ‘hidden’ away. She worked every weekday, and my parents had just separated at this point, which definitely made the whole debacle easier. In retrospect, the separation and eventual divorce probably affected me more than I realised.

A string of failed relationships, including an engagement, before I’d even turned 18 shaped me more into this polyp of self-loathing, and a glass of wine would ease the hatred a little more, or I’d down a bottle of something stronger.

By the time I’d reached 16, I decided that I was an adult, and panicked because I wasn’t getting pregnant. Somehow, in my mind, I neglected to recall that stress and abusing alcohol is the opposite of a good environment for a foetus. Over the past decade, I’ve lost count of the number of dead babies to drop out of me.

I’m fairly certain I fell in love with the devil when I was 17. He was strong and handsome, and an alcoholic himself. Although at this time, my true alcoholism had not yet fully manifested. This man made it a reality.

He told me to stop taking my pill because it was making me “moody”. I acquiesced, assuming I was barren anyway. Discovering I was around 6 weeks pregnant was a shock, to say the least.

I was still in school and he was jobless due to a health condition I like to call chronic laziness and taking all of my money to supplement his drug and alcohol habits. I’d been in abusive relationships before him, and they’re honestly what I probably deserve. I’m constantly drawn to the same sorts of people, despite my better judgment. The problem, therein, lies in me.

But this man was king. I have endured nothing like the hell he dragged me through since.

So, the option he gave me was crystal clear; “it’s not very nice being a single mum”. I had just turned 18, and I was so very vulnerable. I had already been corrupted by the 4 men who had came before him, so my self-worth was absolutely nothing. Again, I acquiesced to his demands.

If I knew all those years ago what I know now, I would have left him and had my child. But he took my choice away from me, he forced a child into me and forced it back out again. He caused me to betray every part of my moral integrity, every single belief that I held dear. And it still feels, to this very day, as painful as it did in 2012. I wish I’d killed myself instead of my baby. I haven’t spoken to this man in many years, but he haunts me daily. The saddest truth is that I’m sure he doesn’t even remember I exist. I know he never loved me, but I loved him with a ferocity which I’ve not felt since.

And I so desperately wanted a child. I still do. It still won’t happen - I’ve cursed myself and I am dealing with the wrath of eternity. Hell is on earth and I have created it.

So, to absolutely no surprise to anyone, I hit the bottle hard after that. I had to take a week off after the abortion due to antibiotics and opioid painkillers, but the minute I could, I drowned.

After all, I was 18. I had a drinking permit.

I spent my entire university career after that point getting blind drunk daily. At my peak, I’d drink cheap bottled cider (but not Frosty Jack’s or White Lightning - I had some class) as if it was cola or something. I’d have wine on a Friday and Saturday night, typically two bottles, and a bottle of vodka every day. This went on for 5 years.

During this time I was engaged again, to someone I’d met at university. We were together for 4 years, living together, and I remember virtually nothing of the relationship. It was the longest relationship I had ever been in, and sometimes I forget his name. I certainly don’t remember what he looked like.

Naturally, that relationship broke down when, on the 11th of September 2018, I surrendered. My 12-year relationship with alcohol was over.

I would wake up next to my partner every day, and the more time I spent not drinking, the more I realised he was a total stranger in my bed. After a month of sobriety, I awoke to the fact I had absolutely no recollection of this person at all, apart from the two times we traveled to Belfast to see his family and friends. Even then, I only remember the actual traveling part.

We had to live together a month after we had separated, during which time he constantly demanded to know why I’d left him. Simply, “I sobered up”. He had been the most violent, piggish creature of all the men I had ever been with, memories which have only been returning to me in the past year. Sometimes I think, he wasn’t looking for a partner, he was looking for a sex slave. And he still wasn’t as bad as the devil of my younger years.

Probably ‘coz I was really drunk the whole time.

So I’m 16 months sober, as of Saturday of this month. I still can’t sleep, I still have headaches and I’ve put on so much weight I can barely recognise myself. It’s bittersweet. I have achieved great things in my life, but I feel like a stranger looking in. I feel like a confused 12-year-old, shy with no confidence and no place in the world. Like the degrees I have are someone else’s, and sure I have my graduation pictures but that’s a different me. That’s not me, surely. My day job is, ironically, bartending. I know I’m fantastic at my persona, but the customers see through the cracks. They’ll ask me “What’s the nicest x? What mixer goes with y?”, and I can never just say “oh, it’s z”, I always have to say “other people usually have this with z”.

I don’t keep my alcoholism a secret, and most of my regular customers know. And I’ll get the typical diatribe of “oh aren’t you strong and brave, working here and struggling with your recovery??”. I know they mean well, and it’s a lovely compliment to pay. But I don’t feel strong, although it is cathartic when I get to pour drinks away. I feel like a failure.

I am a fully qualified English teacher in the process of doing my Master’s degree. Staying up til 3am cleaning, after spending 6 hours serving poison to toxic people (although a lot of my regular customers are genuine angels), makes me believe that, despite my achievements on paper, that that is all I’m worth.

I want to end this monologue on a positive note. In over a year of sobriety, I have learned to go out with my friends, or hang out after work, and not feel so left out. Coffee is now a luxury, opposed to a brown liquid to fix my constant hangover. I even know when coffee tastes burnt now, which is something my former self would never have even considered. I’m eternally grateful for my family of Alcoholics Anonymous. I haven’t been to a meeting in months due to work and uni, but every time I manage to go, it’s as if I’d not missed a single one.

My family have been nothing but supportive, although my dad still doesn’t really understand it (we were great drinking buddies for a while). My friends are mainly my colleagues at work, and without their support I wouldn’t be alive, most likely. Also they will refuse to serve me alcohol - not that I’ve tried, but I’ve been told so, in order to continue supporting my recovery.

Since being sober, I’ve surrounded myself with good people. The bad things don’t seem so bad, and every day I’m working on hating myself less.

Alcohol and/or substance abuse feels like something that won’t happen to you. Unfortunately, it can happen to all of us, and so very quickly. Or, so slowly that you didn’t even register it until you’re sleeping on a bench in the middle of February.

There is help, free help, and there are probably millions of people suffering too. If you’re suffering, you’re not alone. You never have to be alone.

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

https://www.samaritans.org/

#abuse #alcohlism #addicition #recovery

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changhomin-hatsukoi · 6 years ago

Video

youtube

C’mon Baby, Stay With Me

Cr: Malec Moments @ YT

- Alec by Magnus’s bedside

- Magnus woke up and they talked

Ah.. this episode~!! (i’m pretty sure EVERY single #malec fans understand how I felt watching this episode)

It was very hard for me to choose my fav moment from here but~ finally, that ‘c’mon baby, stay with me’ did it for me. I’ve been waiting SO LONG for Alec to call Magnus ‘baby’ like OMG! Wish it could be in more romantic, non-stressful situation but eh~ I’ll take what i can~..

(Edit: Okay when i listened to it again, it sounded it he said ‘Magnus’ instead of ‘Baby’.. so now i’m confused coz i could’ve sworn i heard he said ‘Baby’ before??)

Another small part that caught my attention was in the ‘dream’ when they were dancing and Magnus leaned away from Alec and Alec pulled him back.. I love that gentle but firm ‘Magnus, stay with me’ and Magnus’s breathless ‘I’m here’ is so heartbreaking as we know he was feeling all out of sort and weird and even in that perfect ‘dream’ he must’ve felt something is wrong at the time. But still he lets Alec pulled him back into his arms.

The part where Alec was waiting by Magnus’s bedside was one of the highlights of malec moments in this episode. Matt totally killed that scene, hands down. He deserves like 10 awards for this scene alone. When he pinched his hand, such simple scene yet it instantly made us viewers relate to him. Coz that was something most of us subconsciously do when we are stressed/upset/feel helpless.

Here I would like to share my thoughts on Alec’s character and how he probably felt throughout the entire series up til this latest episode.

We know before he met Magnus, Alec made it his life mission to be the perfect son/soldier/shadowhunter. Partly because his strict upbringing and parents expectations.. and partly because his parabatai is the golden child Jace Herondale who excels at everything (except basic common sense, imho).

We can see Alec never indulged himself in anything. Everything he does is for the Institute and his family. Everything he owns were just basic things a Shadowhunter soldier needs to survive. He has enough but never more and he was alright with that.

Before Magnus, I dont think Alec even knows how to be greedy.

Not greedy in a bad way.. but think it like this, before Magnus, Alec never has anyone he can call his own.

‘I was selfish. When you first lost your power and you said you’re okay with it, I didn’t think twice. I guess I was just so happy that maybe we could... grow old together?’

I’m not saying Alec wanted Magnus lost his power.

But suddenly the possibility of them growing old together, of being the last love of Magnus.. just as Magnus is his first and last love, the possibility he won’t be another precious token in a box.. is there.

Well, of course Alec can’t help but feel optimistic.

And he may not consciously realized Magnus was depressed without his magic but subconsciously, I think Alec sensed Magnus wasn’t as happy as he projected to be. That was why he indulged Magnus’s every whim and tried to make Magnus as happy as possible living in the Institute with him.

Which brings us to see how low Magnus actually thought of himself. Yes, of course magic been part of his life since forever.. but more than that, he truly honestly believe without magic he is not worth anything. He can’t believe anyone would love him just because he is him.. Without his magic, what else he is good for? (remember he told Maia once that people always wants something from him)

That few seconds when Magnus hesitated to answer him on whether magic is really worth dying for, gotta be one of the scariest moments in Alec’s life.

in my opinion, Magnus’s ‘Maybe’ is the most honest and raw and vulnerable Magnus had ever been throughout this entire show.

‘Look at me. Can you honestly say you like this?’

It’s heartbreaking to caught that glimpse on how much he actually really hates himself. And he said ‘this’.. like he doesn’t even consider himself as a person now. Just a useless worthless thing.

Unpopular opinion:

This whole Magnus lost his magic arc is really good for the character development. Now he is forced to see that even at his lowest with nothing else to lose, he is worth of being loved... That he would never be alone... That those who love him would never walk away and they won’t leave him no matter what.

He will see and accept that Alec loves him. just HIM.

And with that, I hope he will learn to love himself just as himself as well..

Lorenzo~.. ahh.. Lorenzo.. I kinda feel~.. well, i don’t know if ‘sorry’ is the right word to use here?

He is very obviously envious of Magnus. Somehow he has this notion that Magnus had it easy before and was born with a silver spoon in his mouth or something.. And he very obviously wants to bring down Magnus’s pride a notch.

I don’t think he’s an evil person though.. Just a very petty one.

But he still ‘help’ed Magnus with his magic (regardless how awful he went about with it) and he DID came with Alec to fix it back.

The reason I felt ‘sorry’ for him was that I think he finally saw that no matter what, he will never win against Magnus.

Downworlders are powerful, their magic/strength are impressive.. But when it comes down to it, they’re pretty lonely creature. I mean, physical relationships are common and obviously they all have plenty of that. But emotional connection? Not so much.

And yet here Magnus is, surrounded by people who love and support him. And it doesn’t matter that he lost his power and a mortal now.. it doesn’t matter that he is literally homeless at the moment...

Heck, it’s a fucking taboo to even be friends with a Shadowhunter before and yet Magnus managed to get the freaking Head of the Institute (who is insanely gorgeous, if i may add) to fell madly in love with him and willing to do anything for him.

I think when Alec was telling Magnus that he needs to give Lorenzo back his magic, Lorenzo DID feel a bit sorry for the entire thing (he doesn’t like Magnus but i don’t think he wants Magnus dead).. He could easily taunt Magnus and upset him more (at the risk of having a dozen arrows stick to his backside, sure~) but he didn’t and just kept quiet.

But then he remembered #malec is still going strong and he be like fuck you Magnus. I’m keeping the apartment. 凸(￣ヘ￣)

I’m not gonna say anything on Alec proposing to Magnus. Some people said Magnus would/should reject. Some people are excited and thinks Magnus gonna say Yes..

I myself kinda on the fence and don’t really mind either way.

One thing I am really betrayed about is that i heard they been planning the proposal even before the announcement of the show cancellation. So~ imagine.. we could have a nice reasonably long engagement period where obviously there would be arguments, tears, laughter and most of all: WEDDING PREPARATION

- Magnus getting all excited planning his wedding.. he wants all the flowers of all colors as decoration. Alec gently reminding him that yes baby, it’ll looks beautiful but no one could fit into the hall as it would be full of flowers

- Magnus wants to throw glitters everywhere and Alec being torn between indulging his fiancee and appeasing all other Shadowhunters who complaints about glitters sticking to their black clothes.

- Alec being the mediator between his sister and mother to agree on the color theme (Magnus can’t decide and wants rainbow but was quickly vetoed out)

- All the Downworlder guests and Underhill getting ulcers ^^;;

- HONEYMOON

So I am really pissed at Freeform for denying us of all this.

#malec #saveshadowhunters

#malec #shadowhunters #saveshadowhunters #alec loves magnus so so much #this is late but whatever

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reciprothirst · 7 years ago

Text

Falling

Falling.

He doesn’t exactly know when he fell. He just found himself in the middle of it.

aka the twelve times Deku experiences, or is around, the sensation of falling.

Author’s Note: I haven’t written fanfic in 6 or 7 years ages, and I needed to get this out of my system because I needed a good distraction, so have this.

Falling.

He feels it the moment he tripped on his own two feet.

A rush of air flying past his entire body, the view of the ground growing as the distance closes.

Until it stops.

His body is static in midair, like he was floating. He didn’t realise the anchorpoint holding him until she apologises, her reason for interfering being it’d be bad luck if he fell.

He doesn’t really mind, just shocked that a total stranger would be so kind to help him out of his clumsy mistake. He watches as she walks away, frozen in place until he snaps out of it and walks into the building.

Falling.

He feels it, seconds after he punches a massive robot mid air. He couldn’t, however, feel parts of his body. A side effect of his new found power.

He’s quickly falling from the sky. He didn’t realise he’d jumped this high, far far higher than he’s ever done before. And now, as the asphalt grows bigger and bigger in his vision, buildings surrounding him, he prays for his death to be painless, despite the circumstances.

He remembers, he can still move his other arm, and moves his fingers to possibly soften his landing, but he’s stopped. He feels a quick slap to his face, shoving him aside and he’s floating again, hovering and confused. He turns his head and sees that girl again, the one who stopped him from smashing his face to the ground. She’s floating, her body atop a piece of broken machinery. He watches as she presses her fingers together, and he’s reunited with the ground again. He tries and keeps his consciousness, but fails, the sound of her nauseated whimpers in the background.

Falling.

He watches as she runs in, again and again. She’s running and keeps getting blown back, the smoke surrounding the arena making it hard for him to see.

He watches as she’s standing, somewhat proud, at the plan she’s succeeded so far in executing.

He watches as she presses her fingers together, millions of grey debris falling like hail from the sky. And he’s somewhat proud, seeing his friend do her utmost best at trying to beat her opponent. But he watches from a distance as her face falls, her plan blasted away, foiled again as she tries to think of a way to win.

He watches as she trips on her own two feet, and he remembers the omen she brought up the moment they met.

His face falls, his lap in his vision. He vows to never let her fall like that again.

Falling.

He can hear her heart shattering from behind the door. Her eyes filled with tears of regret and shame. She wasn’t amazing, she says into her phone.

He so badly wanted to break the door down and tell her that was a lie. Reassure her. But he had no time, and the smile she gave him before he left was the mask haunting the back of his mind.

Falling.

He watches as she calls out to him, waving a hand as other opposing students close in on her, hoping to take her down. And she does fall down, from high up, pushed away from the small platform. He catches her, knowing something’s wrong.

This wasn’t her.

He tells her impostor this, keeping her in mind. Whatever illusion was in front of him, he knew it wasn’t her. Her impostor melts, revealing her true form, commending him for keeping his guard. Then he’s saved, straps of tape separating him from the illusion before him. The real her catches up to him, and she’s trying to take the enemy down. She doesn’t get to do much, but she’s here now. And he’s got a plan to win.

Falling.

He’s hypnotised. Backstage, as he’s helping his classmates with their performance.

He watches as she reaches out to random people, letting them join her in zero gravity. Dancing and flipping in the air, kind to the audience, but carefree as she traipses above them. Just as she’d always been, to him, to their classmates and to any kind passerby she’s encountered.

He’s entranced at the sight of her as snow falls around her, flying through the air effortlessly essly, that bright smile he’s used to on her face as she’s moving. The chill in the air makes no difference to the growing warmth spreading through his chest. He smiles at her from a distance.

Falling.

He‘s in front of her, the sparring session in class now brought to new heights. He moves to grip her arm, but he finds himself thrown back, his arm twisted behind him. She pushes him to the ground, a knee behind his back.

He pushes all his strength into his left leg, raises it and quickly slams it to the mat, sending both of them flying into the air. He’s floating again, and he grabs onto her, pressing her hands behind her back, making sure her fingers touched for her to release both of them. They land back on the mat, her looking up at him with a look of shock on her face, his hands on either side of her head. He apologetically smiles, and he doesn’t realise the position they’re in.

He snaps to when he starts hearing snickers in the background. He stands up and offers her a hand, watches as she takes his in hers, making sure her pinky is raised, and he pulls her up. This surprises her, and she crashes into his chest. He smiles down at her, their faces inches apart. She looks up at his face, smile apologetic, as are her words, but she doesn’t move away. They hear a cough to their side and they both step away from each other, faces blushing.

He feels his heart pounding in his ears, closes his eyes and swallows thickly. He doesn’t know what he feels, but he knows he got lost in her eyes for a second back there.

Falling.

He’s next to her, laughter surrounding them from below. Various smells of either sugary or deep fried treats, wafting in the air. Lights in the distance, above and below them, as the ferris wheel moves.

It stops, and his breath is taken away by the sight. He looks at her, eyes held in wonder as she looks down at the world around them. He’s fixated, wanting to stay this way forever. She notices him looking and she takes his hand, laces their fingers together.

He doesn’t move away, but they stay this way for a while. He moves his other hand and caresses her cheek, and he’s lost in her eyes again. Their faces inches apart, he moves his attention to her lips and closes the gap between them, catching her lips with his own, softly at first, and he feels her melt into him. He feels her hands running in his hair, and she bites his lip, eyes fluttering open. They let go, both breathing heavy, but not moving away, foreheads touching. She smiles up at him, face hot. He cups her face and kisses her forehead, and they feel the ride moving again.

They step off the ride, holding hands as they weave their way through the crowd.

Falling.

He watches as she moves on ahead, running to the middle of the park, heels in hand, hair slowly getting drenched in the pouring rain.

He stares as she relishes in the droplets hitting her skin, enjoying the pitter patter of raindrops hitting the concrete. She moves in circles, arms raised, as if praising a deity for blessing her with rain.

He smiles, and he realises he’s never been happier than when he’s with her. He runs towards her, joining in her dance, not a care in the world, as thunder claps in the background for them. They can worry about catching a cold later; right now, a little silly dance with his girlfriend in the rain wouldn’t hurt.

Falling.

He pushes boxes towards respective directions, making sure they’re at a safe distance to drop onto the floor.

He calls for her to release her hold on them, slowly filling in their apartment with their belongings. This was a bit of old and new; old, coz they’ve lived together before they graduated, new, because it’s the first time it’ll only be the two of them.

He opens his phone and holds it up, ready for a photo. He snaps one of her, looking determined and ready to rip into the box to her left, and she giggles when she realises, making a silly face for him to capture. He sits down next to her and flips the camera to face them and kisses her temple as he takes their photo. She’s laughing as she hands him a box cutting knife, ready to fill this place with pieces of them and new memories.

Falling

He’s on the opposite side of their living room, looking at her with regret. He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but that doesn’t matter now. There are tears falling from her eyes.

He approaches her slowly, every inch of him ready to apologize. She looks up and holds him tight, the tears spreading through his shirt. He kisses the top of her head, says he’s sorry, and hugs her gently.

They stay like this for a while, letting the tears fall.

Falling.

He doesn’t exactly know when he fell. He just found himself in the middle of it.

He remembers her saying it would be bad luck if he fell, but he never thought of how lucky he would be that he did fall.

Her. It was all because of her.

He’d fallen in love with her and he could never thank his lucky stars enough that it was her. And she had to know

He feels the weight of the small velvet box in his pocket, turns it around and looks at her, eyes shining. He says his piece and finally asks her, him now down on one knee, and holding the box, now open and showing off the ring, between his hands. He feels tears falling from his eyes as she nods and proclaims a resounding yes.

Floating.

He feels it the moment she embraces him. He holds her close. For all of the falling he’s experienced around her, she’s always caught him and made him feel like floating, and he’s thankful that it’s her. She releases and they’re back on solid ground, but it doesn’t matter. She looks at him and she knows. He’d fallen, and so had she.

#izuocha #dekuraka #dekuchacko #dekuravity #midoriya izuku #izuku midoriya #ochaco uraraka #uraraka ochaco #i'll post this somewhere else too but i'll plop it here for now #any constructive criticism welcome but plz be nice #bnha #mha #i may have been pumping this tag a lot these last few months i'm not even ashamed

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mirhacreations · 6 years ago

Text

A Drop Of Petrichor~Review Blog

Since the day, I’ve finished reading #ADOP, i was thinking of writing a long review post for this masterpiece. First i thought of making a thread on twitter (which i’ll surely do later now :-p ), then i thought of making a hand written review but again dropped the idea because i my hand writing sucks :-(. So finally after dropping like 122344456 ideas, here i am with a review blog for a book which is so special & so close to my heart, the master piece by Aimmy, “A Drop Of Petrichor”.

A Drop Of Petrichor: This is a little introduction for those who don’t know what “ A Drop Of Petrichor” is. So, its a #wattpad, written by the amazingly talent Aiman aka Aims. A books which is so simple yet so beautiful & heart-warming. Read it for once & you can’t help but fall for the simplicity of this book. No exaggerating plots, no dramatic twists, no cheesy and filmy dialogues, no extraordinary romance, that’s what ADOP is. THE ONE & ONLY. <3 I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH. <3

ME TO ADOP:

COVER:

So first of all, let me appreciate this so feelsy & aesthetically beautiful cover, made by the writer herself. The soft & soothing blue coloring & the selection of such aesthetic pictures is what i call PERFECTION, and of course this is something only our very own writer can do.Aims is multi-talented ya’ll. <3 Claps Claps for Aims <3

Characters:

Rayyan Ahmed Khan(RAK): RAK,Someone who was happy living in his dark world, all alone.Allergic to words called “feelings”, “emotions”, “relationship” & above all “love”. But then he met her, and she make him do things, feel things which he never ever even imagined. The fact that he changed for her, just because he fell in love with her, fell her, fell deeply and then his transformation from the cynic RAK to the selfless Rayyan Ahmed Khan is something i live for. <3 Rayyan Ahmed Khan has my entire heart & words are literally not enough to describe how much i love him. <3 no matter how many books i’d read or i would read in future, you’ll be my forever favorite Rayyan. I Love You <3

“Rain was the cause of everything bad. It had always been”~Rayyan Ahmed Khan.

Noor Fatimah:

Noor, my baby, my jaan😭🤧❤️. Noor Fatimah is probably one of the most strongest & brave character i’ve ever read on #wattpad. Despite of the cruel game, her fate played with her, she remained strong & firm. Not that she didn’t break down, but she picked up her broken pieces and mend herself without the involvement of any so called HERO, which happen in every other story. she was her own hero and that was her biggest strength. My noor is precious & of course i love her as much as i love Rayyan. <3

“Rain was the cure. It has always been.”~Noor Fatimah

Haseeb & Abeer: Apart from RayNoor, Haseeb & Abeer are two characters, whom i literally ship so hard. The bonding they share was just so pure and heartwarming. Their cute talks and sweet gestures has my heart. <3 The scene where haseeb was talking about love with Rayyan and imagine that all he could associate with the word love was Abeer’s face. Abeer’s confession, his rejection and then his decision of giving them space to think abou their relationship is what which makes me fall more and more for them specially Haseeb. I’ll forever be thankful to you for writing these two cute and precious characters Aims. My Adorable Munchkins <3

“I LOVE YOU. ALWAYS HAVE. ALWAYS WILL.”

Mr. & Mrs. Khan: To be very honest, no matter how good these two character were, i’d never be able to forget what they did with my baby Ray :-( He deserved 10000000000% of their efforts but they didn’t even make 1% of effort for him. He wanted to leave them, live alone and they just let him do that. His whole childhood was ruined just because they were silent, they didn’t do anything to make him understand that he was not alone, that he has a family and their ignorance is what make him the cynic RAK. So no soft corner for them and i am not sorry for this at all. That’s it. Izma & Maheen: Two miserable yet strong & such impactful characters. I love the way you portrayed izma’s character. you didn’t make her all weak and miserable but you didn’t show her like all strong & emotionless after whatever happened to her. Andddd what to say about maheen? she is cute, sweet,adorable and my jaan. I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HER. <3

Rohail & Zirwa: Two cute, sweet and such entertaining characters. Zirwa’s equation with Noor & Rohail’s equation with his siblings was just so soothing and adorable. Individually, they were so understanding, and entertaining & together they were so LIT. All my love to these babies. <3

Umar: A true men, a sweetheart. His love and respect for izma and maheen has my heart. I love the way he proposed izma and then waited for her patiently instead of forcing her to accept because she needed someone in her life.They deserve nothing but all the happiness and love and with each other they’ll surely get it. <3

Sarmad & Asim & Regina:

inke liye meri taraf sy bohat saari gaaliyan khud he farz kar lein.

And a very special mention to that girl who was just a distraction for RAK. Damn! I LOVE HER. <3

REVIEW:

One Word Review: MASTERPIECE.

Now lets come to the details: 😜 To be very honest, words are truly not enough to describe how much i love this book, my RayNoor & Aims’s writing skills. Starting from the little introduction, one thing or should i say one line that caught my attention and make me read this books in one was this line, “sometimes all the parched valley of heart needs is a drop of petrichor”. What an impactful line.

Aimsss.. how are you even this good with words? I CAN’T EVEN....

woiiii! ok! back to the review now. so when i started reading ADOP i thought it would be a typical story post noor’s marriage to that jerk. what my imaginary plot was that she would bumped in to him, he’d rescue her and eventually they both will fall in love but noor will keep pushing him away despite of loving him just because of her past. And then after like alot of drama, and some filmy tragic scenes they would end up together. shocked? stunned? well this was the shit i’d thought coz i am not Aims not even close. 😝😂 But no doubt that ADOP was totally different from my imaginary plot. RayNoor’s first meeting, then Noor’s stay at Ray’s home, Ray-Regina fiasco. All this was just a treat to read, so entertaining, so spicy. 😋

And then there ways parted, obviously on not so happy note and after that started the Rayyan’s realization phase, which is truly the most beautiful phase of this story. The way you’ve penned down his emotions, his feelings, his heart break and specially that realization scene at his mom’s place, PERFECTION. That’s what i call it girl. You are just amazing. its just so hard to find words that could describe how talented you are Aims. your way with words is just something else. I AM SPEECHLESS. (still i am writing this lengthy blog 😝😝😌😌😂😂) One more thing i want to add here is that Rayyan’s realization phase in ADOP reminds me of salaar and i couldn’t help think about that ghazal salaar used to listen. it just fitted so perfectly for RayNoor obviously in this phase only :-p

He realized, he tried his best to find her but couldn’t and whenever he cried for her, i cried along :-( And then when he’d almost lost all hopes of seeing her ever again, he bumped into her and how beautiful that scene was. <3

AND I DIED HERE!

From here, their journey start towards each other and how beautiful that journey was. The slow and steady progress of their relationship, the way noor slowly started trusting him, and finding her solace and safe cocoon in him was just so heart-warming and beautiful and their first hug damn. again i am at short of words. <3

Ok! now i won’t get into the details because it seems like i am leaking out the whole story here :-( Sorry :-( but i loved each and every single scene, from Rayyan’s proposal, to Noor’s acceptance, then their wedding and their relationship progress post wedding. I HEART EACH AND EVERY SINGLE SCENE. <3 They are just too precious for words. & I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THEM SOOOOOO DAMN MUCH. <3

Their bonding post marriage was just simply goals, each and every moments just make me fell more and more for them. Be it their cute banters, sarcastic talks, their little romantic moments, those nose kisses and their support for each other, everything was GOALS. JUST PERFECT <3

And not to forgot those little, sweet and precious moments of confessions:

woiiiiiii! i am so done with all the tareefs so here come some of my favorite dialogues from the book.

And the list goes on but i am ending this review here. Honestly, i still have so much to say, like i want to comment on every single line but i surely can’t do this being the lazy af. so bear with this chotu si koshish plz. FOR THE WRITER: Aims! I’ve said this many times, and i’ll say this again and again tht you are multi-talented. A single adjective is just not enough to describe or praise your talent. Stay same, stay happy and keep blessing us with your masterpieces. Sending lots of love & prayers for you <3

#adropofpetrichor adop wattpad aimmyb

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marielenaloves · 7 years ago

Text

How to express when depressed?

Depression is a very serious health condition. Some organizations and concern citizens are continuously spreading awareness about this condition. However, despite this publicly offered knowledge, we are always too late to save the victims. I guess one of the main problems is that the depressed ones find it hard to express themselves.

I don't want to sound like an expert because I AM NOT. I just want to share my personal story. I want to tell how I felt depressed for a certain moment, I just felt it. I was so so so down.

It happened around last week of January this year. My boyfriend and I went to his sister's apartment to deliver something. Once we got to her apartment she immediately mocked me for being fat. I would have just accepted it if she only said it upon our arrival but hell no. She really enjoyed mocking me infront of her brother who's for the love of God not saying anything. It was a very painful situation. She was judging me like I am an ugly piece of shit. She was scrutinying me in a very specific way. She told me that I am not CHUBBY (it would be better, I guess) - she pointed out that I AM FAT.

I know, okay, I know! I can see myself in the mirror. I know my body! She told me how my bra looked so fit on my back that it was already outlining my fat back. I just had a haircut then and she even noticed that, telling me it just emphasized how fat I was. She told me that it would be so hard to find clothes for me. I want to tell her that I'm about to burst because of her words.

We stayed in her apartment for about 30-painful-minutes when she offered to treat us for dinner on a nearby mall. I can't tell that I am actually full, I can't digest another word of insult from her -- but we still went for it.

Fast forward to dinner - our orders arrived - it was not a peaceful one. It almost killed me - it took everything in me not to walk out of the restaurant. I ordered a Chicken Parmigiano meal and she told me that my food looked like a shit because of the sauce. I want to tell her to enjoy her food too. She ordered pasta coz she's on a diet shit. She asked us to order anything we want, drinks, shakes, cakes, I didn't have one. She still ordered a cake for us to share tho.

I thought the fat shaming scene had ended on her apartment but I guess I just hoped for it.-

definitely not my day. She's saying all the things she wanted to say, for literally every bite that I am taking. She compared me to her, how she managed to stay on a healthy diet. I want to ask God why would He let someone treat me for dinner, to let someone ask me to take anything I want - if that someone will only imply to me not to eat more. How could I enjoy the moment? I mean I am not going to order many but I atleast want to enjoy her company. She is my boyfriend's sister and I am looking up to her.

Fat shaming is normal to me, I can usually take it - but the moment it came from someone you have respect for - it can really kill you.

I believe that we can really be dead inside. We can be killed emotionally or mentally for so many times in our lives. That moment was my first death.

Dinner was finally over, she went back to her apartment. I don't want to go home yet. I am holding back my tears and I really can't take it anymore.

My boyfriend and I stayed at the mall's leisure park where there are kiddie rides and benches that we can sit on. I looked up and saw that the night sky was very clear. Then I just felt it, with the heaviest heart that I had, I told my boyfriend "I'm depressed." Without a doubt he replied, "Anong pinagsasabi mo dyan." And that's when the tears finally fell. It was my first death and the person whom I thought would support me wouldn't even go to my funeral.

I was crying in a public place and I don't care. I was surrounded by many - happy people - and I don't care. Someone has let me feel that I am imperfect - infront of that someone who always tell me that I am perfect just the way I am - and I felt alone. He never tried to save me from death.

It was just ironic how it happened in a happy place - where people supposed to have fun. I was crying, I looked around and there's a ferris wheel just for kids - I want to ride but of course I can't. The place was surrounded by bright lights and I thanked God because He let me shed tears under the sky full of stars. Yes I felt alone but He never let me be alone in the dark.

I know that depression is a medical condition, but I guess you don't always need a physician to tell you if you're depressed or not. You can feel it. You will be drenched during rainy shit days but there's a day when it will totally hit you.

[I want to explain that I have hormonal imbalance that's why I find it hard to lose weight - but that's another story. No matter how much I explain things to others - there's someone who will always rain on my parade.]

What I did is... I just...... keep going.

11/05/2017

#bottled feelings #depression #keepgoing #writing #spilled feelings #inspiration #random #pinoy #filipino #bottled

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smt-here · 8 years ago

Text

That I Have Regretted

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x Reader (female pronoun)

Genre : Angst, tiny bit of fluff

Warning : death, cringe worthy writing, sucky writing, etc (??)

Word Count : 5120 ( Sorry, I got carried away )

A/N : This idea came to my head all of a sudden minutes before I sleep and unlike some of my other ideas, this one lingers in my head day and night so I decided to write it. At first I wanted the character to be Steve coz he’s my ultimate favourite among the Avengers but Bucky seemed to be more suitable. This is the very first story I post on this blog so please be nice to me 💕 - Nana🌸

There both (Y/N) and Bucky stood still like statues.

In the dark, cold room, face-to-face, eyes boring into each other due to anger that has been gnawing on both of their hearts.

“I mean it” he said.

(Y/N)’s eyes were narrowed to the man before her, hands moving to rest on her hips as she answered her man back, “you are not the boss of me, James” she spat bitterly. The name she used to address him meant that she is beyond mad, pissed, annoyed, and all other emotions that are stirring up in her.

Bucky cringed slightly at the name (Y/N) used to address him, it sounded rather hostile and cold to him because the name is rarely used by anyone close to him.

“you never listen to me, not a damn bit! How many times should I tell you to stay in the Quinjet after you did your part of the mission and until we all finish ours!? You are our eye in the sky and you almost blew the mission for us all, almost get killed and those damned HYDRA agents almost escaped!”

“Don’t put the blame on me here, Bucky, if it wasn’t for me, our job would have been much harder and longer! That bomb was literally attached to one of the agents and I managed to save you from that bullet!”

“We both know that I heal fast! I don’t need you to be everywhere especially near me every single time!” he was desperate, he looked exhausted with both his current physical state and with the fight they were both having.

“But I need to, Bucky! How am I supposed to know whether you are safe or not without seeing you with both of my own eyes, huh? I am worried about you!” now it was her turn to be desperate, her voice sound almost pleading and tears were welling up in her eyes.

“WELL YOU SHOULDN’T BE!”

His loud yell startled her, she froze in her spot, not knowing how to respond to his harsh words.

Realising her response, Bucky sighed as he frustratedly run his human hand through his hair.

Both suddenly fell to another silence, neither knowing what to say or how to response to the sudden outburst Bucky let out knowingly or unknowingly.

Bucky sighed loudly after a rather long pause, his sigh was then followed by an answer to both of their unspoken question of ‘what should we do now?’ and ‘what’s next?’, “I think we both should take a break” he blurted out.

(Y/N)’s heart sunk to her stomach and her breath caught in her throat. That very moment, she felt like her heart stopped and her tongue ripped out or cut by a sharp knife. She didn’t know how to answer her boyfriend at all, she just wished that he’s joking, that this is just a really bad prank he’s been meaning to do to her before breaking out to his usual soft, charming smile then kissing her, telling her that he loves him more than anything and that he didn’t mean what he said.

“It’s clear that you and I have been together for too long, we forgot the value of our relationship and yo-” he swallowed the word down before accidentally blurting out the pronoun before continuing, “we... misused each other’s company... so... let’s... find out what we need best for ourselves...” he said before moving from his spot to the closet in the room.

Though the man is moving around and about, (Y/N) was stuck on her spot, not moving, not talking, she could be a statue at this point.

But after Bucky had finally left with his clothes in his gym bag, she fell to the floor, her legs turn jelly-like and her eyes finally let out the waterfall of sadness that has been threatening to spill since the very moment they both came into their shared apartment.

She bawled for what felt like hours, begging for her lover to come back to her and denying reality that happened, refusing any sort of pinch, kick, or even punch to wake her up and realise that what had happened, happened.

It wasn’t until an incoming message to her Avengers communication device that she had stood up from her spot on the floor and move to respond to the message.

‘The hideout we found today was a fake, in three days we will go to the real one and finish the job. Meet up at the facility at approximately 11.30 am, those who are not personally called by agent Romanoff are allowed rest’

After reading the message, she flop down onto the bed and tried a little more before falling asleep with the thought of having to meet up with him again after what had happened not long ago. It hurts like hell, but a job is still a job whether she liked it or not, and she would eventually have to meet Bucky again, might as well as soon as possible, right?

- mission day -

The past three days were torture for both Bucky and (Y/N), they barely sleep, eat, and socialize.

Steve had gone to (Y/N)’s side, hearing what his best friend did to his girlfriend raged him, he felt like it was unmanly of Bucky to take a break to their relationship one sided, Steve told him that he should’ve let (Y/N) make her statement too before coming down to a conclusion and God knows how much Steve hated guys that wouldn’t let their lady speak, even more than that, he hates seeing a woman, any woman, broke down just because of a jerk so he was more than willing to help his best friend’s girlfriend get back up.

Steve picked (Y/N) up from her apartment, knowing that if he hadn’t she would just call in sick or worse, she would just bail out on them with no notification.

“Come on! Think of it like this,” he put both of his hands on (Y/N)’s uniform clad shoulders, “You get to lash out on those bad guys!” He grinned, trying to convince (Y/N) to come to their mission.

(Y/N) squinted her eyes at the man in front of her, “you’re not one for lashing out on people, Steve...” Steve rolled his eyes at her answer, “well, I’d like to consider this one to be an exception, you need to let go of that pent up anger!”

Though the thought about smashing bad guys to release her anger sounds pretty nice, she couldn’t help but think about the lump on her throat and a heavy weight in her heart, “I don’t know Steve... I still don’t feel like coming...” she muttered.

She was suddenly pulled into a warm hug by Steve, startling it was, but she felt the comfort in his arms. He had been like a brother to her for the past two years that she had been in the Avenger and even more so after Bucky announced their relationship status not less than a year after that.

“I know it must’ve been really hard for you to meet him again after what had happen... But the sooner you see him, the sooner you get used to seeing his face without feeling hurt, the better it will be...” he muttered to her hair.

Tears started to spill out of her eyes, one drop at a time before she wrap her arms tightly around his waist, “(Y/N), if you can’t do this for yourself... could you please do this for me?” he paused just to pull back a little to look at her face, smiling softly at her while wiping her tears with his thumbs, “do this for your old Stevie, huh? For ole’ mr. Fossil?” his grin grew when hers bloom on her face as a giggle erupts from her mouth, he knew that those nickname she made for him would make her laugh even for a slightest bit.

“Fine... I’ll go... but I need to be at least five seats away from him, okay?” she agreed, “consider it done, Tony’s big butt takes up three seats anyways” he joked before going out of the apartment with (Y/N).

- at the Quinjet -

“-There are three buildings; A,” Tony pointed to the building on the left of the screen, “B,” he pointed to the right side, “and C” he pointed at the building in the middle, a little further back, nearest to the forest and near enough to the cliff, “now, they suddenly became smart, the weapon they made was copied to three and our speculation is that each weapon was put in each building, we don’t know which one is the real deal because they have the same amount of radiation surrounding it, the real one have a yellow wire attached to the bottom when you pull it out of the case, the other two would only have a red and blue wires, so if you happen to find the real one, put it back in the box and bring the weapon along with the case, the Quinjet will be in the air above the field,” he pointed to the field in the middle of the three buildings, “so after each of your missions are done, holler at Brucie and he will bring the plane closer to where you are”

Everyone was paying attention to Tony, taking in the map to be printed in each of their brains so that they could be sure of the place.

“okay! We split the teams!” Natasha stood up and walk next to Tony, “Sam, Clint, and I will take building A, Tony, Wanda, and Steve will take building B, Bucky, Vision, an-” “I’m going with (Y/N)” Steve interrupted.

All eyes moved to the Captain, shocked at confused at him, “I’m going with (Y/N)” he repeated himself to make sure everyone realize that he’s serious, “uhm... okay? So, Tony, Wanda, and Viz is in building B, and Bucky, (Y/N), and Steve in building C, Bruce, stick inside and don’t go green unless needed” Natasha finished before walking back to her seat.

Though Steve was in the same group as (Y/N), he still didn’t know how to feel knowing that Bucky will be there too, working with (Y/N). He looked to his left where (Y/N) is seated and saw that she had a small frown on her lips, her eyes were focused on the floor for some reason. Without thinking twice, Steve wrap his arm around the girl and pull her into a reassuring side-hug that made her grin a little.

Meanwhile, across from them, approximately four chairs away, Bucky was boring holes into his best friend’s head. ‘how dare he take this situation as an opportunity?’ he thought,

Bucky was mad, mad at himself, mad at (Y/N), mad at Steve, mad at basically everything. He didn’t know how to feel anymore. The last three days were mostly spent in the gym, he stayed in the tower and he used his room just to take showers and short nightmare-filled naps. He’d lash out on punching bags, managing to ruin quite a lot of them in the process. He thought that he had finally passed his anger, he thought that he’d be able to say sorry to the only person that manage to give him a second chance in life, but when he saw (Y/N) came into the Quinjet with his best friend, clutching onto him and looking like she found comfort with the blue uniformed man, boy he changed his mind.

Clint saw whom Bucky was glaring at and nudge the guy, “you know, you could just talk to her, say you’re sorry and beg for her forgiveness” he said,

Bucky looked at Clint like as if he was mad and scoffed, “Me? Say sorry? For what? I did nothing”

Clint rolled his eyes hearing those words came out of his friend’s mouth, “come on, soldier, we all know what happened, Stevie there isn’t much of an Oprah as Sam is, he asked for our advice from now and then so we know what happened,” he scoffed “and we all agreed that both of you were at fault but you were taking the calls yourself, which is so unfair”

Hearing Clint saying that made him rethink about what had happened the night he decided that they both needed a break, how he decided to pretend he didn't realized how (Y/N) looked so vulnerable, how she looked more fragile than glass, and how he saw her heart broke into pieces.

“We’re closing in, guys! take your positions! Get into your groups and immediately go straight in!” Clint yelled as he stood and walk to his teammates for the mission and stood by the back door of the plane.

“We’re closing in, guys! You are good to go in 3...” Bruce flipped a switch that opened the back door, “2...” Everyone got ready to jump, “1!” Bruce yelled and with that everyone jumped out one by one, landing safely on the field.

Immediately, everyone split into their own teams and ran into the building they are assigned to.

The minute Bucky, (Y/N), and Steve walked into the building, they were swarmed by people, everyone had a weapon and is ready to get rid of the Avengers.

The three of them worked well together, despite the personal tension Bucky and (Y/N) have, they still kick ass with each other’s help.

“Team C, I see a metal door right down the hall” Bruce said through the ear piece they were wearing, “Negative, Banner, I’m seeing concrete” Steve answered as he gave a man a harsh uppercut, “No, you gotta believe me, there is a steel door in there” he answered back.

Steve threw his shield at the concrete wall and it soon cracked, some parts of it fell to the floor, showing a metal door like Bruce said.

Both men ran forward and began destroying the concrete that hid the metal door, (Y/N) behind them, shooting HYDRA agents that were coming close, protecting both Bucky and Steve away from the bullets.

Soon after the door is fully visible, it was (Y/N)’s turn to do her work as she is quite an expert in hacking. But considering Natasha taught (Y/N) her tricks personally, it wasn’t a surprise that she is almost on the same level as her.

“uhh, (Y/N),” Steve grunted as he punched another guy, hitting the other two behind him in one blow, “you might wanna hurry up on opening the door, they’re starting to swarm us” “patience is a virtue, Captain and the more you have the happier you will be” she muttered, eyebrows furrowing as she multitask.

“JUST OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!” Bucky yelled as he shift his focus for a mere second to shoot a glare to the girl behind him, “language!” the Captain yelled.

The glare Bucky sent to (Y/N) was returned by herself and boy does she want to throw a punch or to at him or what, “not all of us relies only on muscles, James, some of us actually have brain too” she spat out while giving him a fake smile.

If it wasn’t for Steve being there, the two lovers would have broke out into a fist fight between them. After throwing his shield and hitting 5 agents in a row, Steve shoved Bucky forward to face the incoming agents as he himself held (Y/N)’s head just to make her focus, “you both can continue this later in the Quinjet or in your own apartment, but please remember we have a mission to complete!” he sighed.

Though both of Steve’s best friends are more than ready to bicker then and there, they both realized what Steve said was right. So both of them got back into each of their own tasks with Steve keeping an eye on both.

After a couple of seconds, the metal door were opened and a long hall way showed, the three immediately ran into the hallway while keep shooting at the incoming HYDRA agents. Once they were at the end of the hallway, (Y/N) went to the keypad and entered the code Bruce told her through the communication device and in a matter of seconds, the trio got inside.

They took a sharp, deep intake of breath, calming each of their racing hearts after a hearty fight with the HYDRA agents merely seconds ago, they stood in the dimly lit room, trying to figure out where the weapon is put, “have you guys found the weapon yet?” Bruce asked.

(Y/N) looked around before spotting what seems like a really humongous computer at the corner of the rather large room. She tugged onto Steve’s arm and pointed at the computer, “let’s take a look” she suggested, then she walked to the corner with her mind occupied with the thought of what’s in the computer and ways to decode it. While Steve and Bucky followed suit, readying themselves if all of a sudden HYDRA agents decided to jump out and attack them with no warning.

Once they’re situated in front of the computer, the three immediately look for buttons that would turn the computer on or at least do something.

Bucky to the side and plugged the cable into the power source and in a matter of seconds, the computer turned on. (Y/N) was taken aback for a second from the sudden rumbles that had erupted from the machine, but when she realized that it had been Bucky who turned the machine on she looked at him, “good job, Bucky.” And that small compliment made Bucky cracked a small, almost invisible smile.

“okay, guys, we need to move fast and find the weapon, (Y/N), decode this thing” Steve urged while turning on his stance in case something unexpected happened.

Realising that, (Y/N)’s fingers typed in codes to decode the algorithm and encrypt the encryption. Her fingers moved unbelievably fast, but thanks to her hard work, a glass-cased red button popped out from the side of the keyboard and the case popped open, startling all three agents at the same time.

“Is that it?” Bucky asked, confused at the sudden appearance of the red button, “the weapon is supposed to be here... and wild guess here, that button will show us where it is” (Y/N) muttered as she reached out to press the button.

A hand stop her merely centimetres away from the button and it was Steve’s, “what if this button is to activate the weapon? Or blow up the whole building? Or worse, deploy a nuke to Russia or New York?” both (Y/N) and Bucky only blinked at Steve before they look at each other in confusion, “but... what if it’s not? What if it will just show us the weapon?” she asked back rhetorically as an answer to Steve’s question.

Steve was about to answer back but Bruce cut him off in the line, “guys, whatever party’s going down in there I suggest you three hurry up, I’m seeing an army of HYDRA agents are coming your way from the field so you have approximately 30 seconds to check the weapon and get the hell out of there”

“Fuck this” Bucky exclaimed before pressing the button with his human hand.

A rumble erupts once again and a glass case came out into the middle of the room, the weapon was inside. It looked more like a TV remote rather than the usual weapon you would think of.

The trio jogged to the weapon case and Steve immediately smashed his shield to the glass to make things faster. (Y/N) grab the weapon and pulled it out, “no yellow wire...” she muttered as she made sure one more time, “no yellow wire, guys this is a fake weapon, we walked into a trap” she said a little louder.

As if on cue, the door of the room was opened and HYDRA agents swarmed inside, it had appeared that there might be 50 people in the room.

Without wasting any time, they fought the incoming attacks that were given to them. All three of them were back-to-back, protecting each other’s back without compromising themselves whilst fighting whoever it was in front of them.

“Guys, team B found the weapon, everyone please immediately go to the meeting point-” “That and Clint is dead guys” Tony interrupted, the trio were shocked to hear that, they almost stopped what they were doing, but remembering that they’re in the middle of a fight they got back into their own positions and continued what they were doing.

“No, you little shit, I’ll live as long as I want so you better hurry up and take me to fix myself!” Clint barked at Tony in the communication line, “yeah... anyways, I will be hovering above and as soon as you’re all gathered, I’ll load everyone and we’ll get the hell out of here” Bruce said.

Hearing that, everyone sighed in relief before gathered all they got and fought even harder to get out of the place.

Within minutes, (Y/N), Bucky, and Steve were outside. But because they were so focused on getting out, they didn’t realized that they had taken the wrong turn and ended up in the border line between the forest and the building.

Exhausted and slightly wounded, Bucky grunted and threw his arms up in the air, “What the hell? This is not the meeting point!” he grumbled on, “We took the wrong turn, Bucky, stop being a bitch about it, we can just walk back to th-” “Great, this is all because of you! If you would’ve just put your head for just a second, we wouldn’t have to walk back and face the rest of the agents that we had just lost!” he exclaimed.

Hearing Bucky’s sudden immature outburst made (Y/N) felt offended because she didn’t feel like it was her fault in the first place, “my fault? My fault- excuse you, James! How could it be my fault!?” “You were walking in the front! It was obvious that Steve and I are following you!” “Oh, so everything is suddenly my fault? Like when you one sidedly cut our relationship off just like that, huh? everything is just my fault, right?” (Y/N) spat out bitterly at Bucky.

Steve on the other hand, didn’t know what to do. At one point, he wanted to stop the two and head back to the meeting point, but at another point, he wanted the two to resolve their problem as soon as possible despite the location they are currently at.

“No, don’t make it seem like I’m pushing you as the victim here, we both are the victim of our own doings! You can’t just use the ‘so it’s all my fault’ trick every damn time! That is just so typical of women like yourself to make everyone thinks that they weren’t at fa-”

“BUCKY, LOOK OUT!” (Y/N) yelled when she saw an agent swinging from the rooftop with a grappling hook and an axe in his hand, aiming his hit on Bucky. Luckily she pushed him out in time and Steve shot the agent on his chest, making him fall flat on the ground behind them.

Bucky was stunned.

She had just literally pushed him away to protect him, if she was just a second too late, Bucky would’ve lost his head by now.

He wanted to thank her, he really do, but he didn’t know what to say considering he had just called her a typical woman and basically talk shit about her in front of her.

“uhh... okay, guys... I think we can continue this later, what do you say?” Steve finally suggested. He only got small nods from Bucky and (Y/N) as an answer, but it was good enough for him.

Steve and Bucky walked ahead while (Y/N) was still stuck in her own head for some reason.

Bucky, realising that (Y/N) wasn’t behind them stopped in his tracks and turn to look at his girlfriend, “(Y/N)?” he called, snapping her out of her daze and up to look at his face, Bucky smiled softly at her and held his hand out for her to take, “come on, we need to go home” he said sweetly.

Hope fluttered into (Y/N)’s heart and she reached out to grab Bucky’s hand as she was about to jog to her man.

But her movements were halted when she suddenly felt something moving in her stomach.

(Y/N) froze in her spot, and so were the two men before her, her breath hitched like as if it was caught in her lungs.

“B-Bucky- wh-what-” she coughed a little into her hand and when she looked into it, there was blood on it.

She looked to her back and saw that the previously shot agent were up on his feet with bloody chest, his grappling hook aimed at her. Before she could do anything, he was shot once again between his eyebrows, making him fall to the ground, tugging his hook with him.

At the sudden fore, (Y/N) toppled back and fell onto her back on the hard ground.

That was when she had realized, the man had pierced her with her grappling hook, right from her back to her chest, making a nice big hole on her body.

“NO!!!!” Bucky yelled loudly before running to her side, taking her in his arms and cradling her body close to him. Tears now running down his face, streaming down hard and onto (Y/N)’s face.

(Y/N)’s breath was slowing down, her eyes starting to flutter close. Bucky’s hand cupped one side of her face as he cried, “no no no no, baby... baby, please don’t leave me... don’t close your eyes, hang on...” he whispered.

In the background, Steve was calling Bruce to bring the Quinjet to where they are situated at, telling him what had happened and what is happening before him.

The two lovers were holding onto each other tightly; one was to ensure that the other won’t let go, and the other one was to brace the other one to let go.

“Bucky...” she whispered, her voice barely audible but Bucky heard it well, “shh, shh, baby... Everything is going to be alright... We’ll take you to the tower and fix you up, hmm? And after that, we’ll watch a marathon of all the sappy romantic movies that you seem to love, does that sound okay?” he asked, (Y/N) closed her eyes and nodded, “great! It’s a date then! B-but you’d have to be strong for me, okay? You need to stay awake” he said.

(Y/N) was about to answer but she felt herself being lifted up, the grappling hook’s string that attached the hook to the gun was cut in half to enable her to be moved. In a blink of an eye, she was laid down onto the floor, next to the wounded Clint.

She looked to her side and saw Clint also had tears pooling in his eyes, his face concerned but he was smiling, “hey Clint... a-ar-” she coughed again, “are y-you okay? Tony said you were dead...” she asked jokingly as her other teammates running all around her, trying to suppress her wound and keeping her alive, “no, I’m going to live a long life... and you too, (Y/N)” he answered, grasping her hand lightly as if he was ensuring her life to her.

Bucky came back to her side, he situated her head on his lap, “hey, stay awake okay? We’re close to home, our home” he choked, his tears came streaming down again. Seeing her tough soldier cry broke (Y/N) a little, as hard as it its, she reached up to cup his cheek. Bucky looked straight to (Y/N)’s eyes, “Bucky... Don’t cry... I hate seeing you cry... I hate seeing my soldier cry...” she weakly said, a smile was plastered on her face still, she felt at ease, peaceful, though her body’s temperature kept dropping no matter how many blankets Natasha threw at her to keep her warm.

“Hey, promise me something...” she paused to close her eyes, her breath slowing down each second, “Anything, baby, anything for you, you name it and I’ll make it happen” Bucky said, his voice quivering and sounding really desperate, “When I’m better, we’ll go to that Italian place that sells that awesome gelato... I’m craving for one right now”

Hearing her silly request, Bucky chuckled but nodded knowingly, both his metal and human hand grab her hand that was cupping his cheek tightly, “okay, it’s a date... I won’t let my best girl down...” he whispered, kissing her cold knuckles.

When she didn’t reply him, his heart skipped a beat, he gulped and opened his closed eyes to look at her closed ones, “(Y/N)? Baby? I-I told you we’re almost there... Baby, you can’t fall asleep now, come on, wake up” he pleaded as he massaged her hand in his, hoping she’ll open her eyes again. But nothing happened.

“Heartbeat slowing, immediate medical attention needed, healthcare personnel is available” FRIDAY announced, making Bucky even more panicked than he already is.

During the short, rushed time to the Avengers Tower, Bucky did nothing but cradle (Y/N) in his arms, doing several attempts to wake her up, to make her come back to him.

As soon as the jet landed and Bruce opened the door, Bucky took (Y/N)’s cold body in his arms and sprinted to the medical room where the medical personnels are preparing for the operation for (Y/N).

“HELP HER! PLEASE! HELP HER! I CAN’T LOSE HER! I-”

“Sir! Please calm down! We are going to operate miss (Y/N) so please step out!” one of the medical personnel said while trying to push Bucky out of the room.

Luckily, Steve came just in time to drag Bucky out of the operating room.

Bucky was on his knees in front of the door, looking down onto the floor, tears still streaming down his eyes like a waterfall. Steve kneeled beside him, an arm draped over his best friend’s shoulder in a knowing manner, as if he’s trying to tell his friend that he’s there for him.

“You know...” Bucky started after a long while.

Steve looked at Bucky without saying anything, seeing how broken the soldier looked almost broke him too. But he knew that he had to be brave and strong for his friend at the moment.

“Out of all things... All those sins I have committed over the years... Being selfish to her... Not being by her side when she was done... Breaking her heart... Was... That’s the most... That was it...”

“That was what?”

“That I have regretted”

Part 2, anyone?

- Nana 🌸

#bucky #bucky barnes #imagine #marvel imagine #avengers imagine #marvel #scenario #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x you #angst #fluff

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mysticdaddies · 8 years ago

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Saeyoung Wedding Dance: One Shot

Hello everyone c: since the munchkin war has ended not so long ago, I decided to get started on the Wedding Dace One shots :,) In case you missed the others here they are, Saeran Choi, Jumin Han, Jihyun Kim/V , :) In my personal opinion, this is the most emotional wedding dace one shot I have ever written... I cried so hard writing this one shit...some of the emotions come from within me... I hope you guys can feel the emotion :) Thank you - Savior Saeran

Why cant I fake my smile around you? Why did you have to be my biggest weakness. I am suppose to be the strong one but when it comes to you, Im always weak. What have you done to me?

I breathed in and out watching how my body slowly releases the stress that it has been carrying. However, that moment of release only last a few seconds and then the stress comes back again. I looked at the mirror and saw myself. If people saw my reflection, they would see a clown who is always happy with life no matter what. Sadly, that’s not even the truth at all. When I look at my reflection, I don't even realize who that person is. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard my best man knocking at the bathroom door. I opened the door and saw my brother/best man, Saeran Choi, and I give him a big old welcome smile. He didn't even look at me while he walked in and closed the door “How are you feeling?” he asked with sincerity. I gave him a quick glance and walked towards the sink to take a better look into the mirror “The real question is ‘how are you feeling brother’, you look like an adorable penguin!” I managed to say with a chuckle. I noticed his stern face expression because of the mirror and I noticed him walking towards me. He put his hand in his pocket and took out a long black box and opened it. I was shocked seeing chain with a cross in the box. He looked into my stunned eyes and took out the chain from the box and showed it to me “I know that I caused a lot of trouble for you and (y/n) and I may not say it often, but I appreciate the both of you so much. You two are my family and I uh love you um b-brother” he said softly. He then proceeded to put the chain on me “Now while I fix this, why don't you tell me how you are really feeling?” he looked up with a smile on his face. There are only two people who can knows the real me: my brother who has a special place in my heart, and the love of my life, (f/n) (l/n), who has the power over my body and soul. I looked at him while my act slowly breaks apart infant of him and he pulled me into a hug and I hold on tightly crying, mumbling my fears and joys. He held me tighter and I cried harder.

TIME SKIP: WEDDING DANCE

The exact moment when I heard the double doors open and the church/space station was playing the wedding song, I saw the birth of a beautiful angel. An angel god sent me and my family, to help us continue on with life. Many hours passed and we made it to our reception. Thankfully god made (y/n) perfectly for me because she didnt get upset when I mentioned months back that the wedding dance song will be a surprised. I know she may be thinking we are going to do something silly but she will be wrong. I need her to know how much I love and appreciate her. I guided her to the middle of the dance floor and signaled for the lights to dim down a bit. I looked at Saeran so he can signal the DJ to start the song for our first dance: Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me, For all the truth that you made me see, For all the joy you brought to my life, For all the wrong that you made right, For every dream you made come true, For all the love I found in you, I'll be forever thankful baby, You're the one who held me up, Never let me fall, You're the one who saw me through through it all

She looked so beautiful that I wondered what exactly did I do to deserve to be her true ending. She could of had anyone but she choosed me out of billion of people out there. (Y/N) decided to spend the rest of eternity together with me and I am truly blessed. I gave her a twirl while we were dancing and when she came back to me I leaned in closer so she can hear my words “Can I show my true feelings for you” I asked softly. You looked at me with your beautiful eyes and tip toed to my ear “Of course my amazing husband” you said sweetly. Ugh. Your voice makes my heart melt. I brought you closer to me and gave a heavy sigh “ Im honestly really scared to tell you but I need you to know this because you are stuck with me till we get grey and old. When I had to search you information before you can officially become an RFA member, what caught my attention was your facial expressions. It had so much sincerity that it astonished me that someone can be so pure. After having the honor of meeting you, I pushed you away because I wasn't worthy of your love. I was suppose to be miserable because I don't deserve happiness. You slowly became my happiness and I resented you for it because I didn't want to taint you with my darkness. I would never of imagined in a million of years, that my God sent me you to prevent myself from being consumed in darkness.” The memories of our journey was hitting me like a ton of bricks. I brought her closer to me just imagining if my greatest fear did come true. What happened if I actually love my brother and my love? The thought of that made me crack up the chain I had around my heart that only I could ever open.

You were my strength when I was weak, You were my voice when I couldn't speak, You were my eyes when I couldn't see, You saw the best there was in me, Lifted me up when I couldn't reach, You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am, Because you loved me

I was scared to show her how I truly felt because what happened if she realizes that I'm only alive because of her? I decided to ignore my negatives thoughts and lightly gave a quick dip and then brought you back to me. I caressed your beautiful skin that somehow belong to me now “Thank you (y/n) for accepting all of me. You were the only one in the RFA to laugh at my jokes and never once, never fucking one you called me weird or made fun of. You actually understood me and that scared me. It scared me because you saw through the many mask I had and I knew I didn't deserve you. I was too broken for you or for anyone else to fix. Somehow you saw past Agent 707 and Luciel and noticed how fucked up Saeyoung Choi really is. You didn't care how much I hated myself because you were always there. You were there when I cried myself to sleep, when I tried to take my life away, when I tried to push everyone away.... you were always there. Why did you pick me? Why did you decide to make me your final route? There is a saying that whoever you made your final route is the one that you were always destined to be with. Thank you for allowing me, no I'm sorry, for giving me the honor to be your soulmate. If it wasn't for your love (y/n) I wouldn't have learned to love myself. I wouldn't even have my brother back in my life. If it wasn't for your help, we would be distance but you helped us became a family again. Damn (y/n), I owe my life to you and I'm not afraid to admit it. Thank you for making me feel human.”

You gave me wings and made me fly, You touched my hand I could touch the sky, I lost my faith, you gave it back to me, You said no star was out of reach You stood by me and I stood tall, I had your love I had it all, I'm grateful for each, day you gave me, Maybe I don't know that much, But I know this much is true, I was blessed because I was loved by you

Just feeling your arms intertwined behind my back felt like a dream. Did I really deserve this? If this was a dream, I'm going to cherish this moment forever because if I wake up and you weren't next to me, I would at least have you in my dreams. Call me selfish but I'm glad you chose me in the end. I will forever thank the man above for allowing me to be your true ending. Looking at your face lend against my chest while we move around in circles sends chills throughout my body. Knowing for a fact this is reality brings tears to my eyes and its finally time I told you how much I truly worship you.

You were always there for me, The tender wind that carried me, A light in the dark shining your love into my life, You've been my inspiration, Through the lies you were the truth, My world is a better place because of you

I grabbed your hands from behind my back and brought them to lips. I kissed it ever so gently and looking into your beautiful eyes killed me. I am alive because of your beating heart. I am happy because of you gave me a reason to be happy about something. Just waking up next to you, whether you are snoring or not makes me happy. When we have petty arguments it made me happy because it just meant that we were going to come out of it stronger. Emotions started to flow throughout my body because the chain around my heart finally broke. I fell to my knees and started to sob while my hands clenched around yours “You were always there for me, when I thought all hope was lost, I looked for your hand to hold to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. You are my strength (y/n) choi and every ounce of cell that created me belongs to you. You own me because you prevented me from giving up hope on love and life.” Tears and love were flowing out of my body because I was finally giving my all to you. I hold your hand even tighter because I'm not finished yet “The tender wind that carried me, when I was down you helped me get back up. You were there defending me from the world because you knew how badly the world hurt me. You looked past my faults, and accepted me for who I am!! You are my shield and I promise you that I will catch every star and hand it to you. You deserve every thing in the world and I promise that I will fight for you and make sure you are happy, because your happiness fuels me into becoming a better person (y/n). A light in the dark shining your love into my life, when you tried to love me I tried to stop you because how can you love someone who died many years back? You didnt care because you knew there was still life in my trying to fight the darkness and I couldn't do it alone. You extended your hand to me my love and I thank you for not letting me die. You've been my inspiration, through the lies you were the truth, you were the one (y/n) to show me the truth of it all. When I found out the truth about Rika and Jihyun, you were there to keep me steady. You were also there to show me that its okay to be sad. That its okay to feel worthless because they are all reasonable emotions but you also showed me that I cant be in that state forever. You helped me become a better Saeyoung and I will forever worship the ground you walk on. I look forward to the day I can tell our children our love story. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you (y/n). My world is a better place because of you, and when I take my last breath looking into your eyes our story will rewind quickly in my head before I close my eyes for the last time. Just know this (y/n), when the time does come for me to leave this earth, just know my soul and heart will forever stay with you. Just know I will be protecting you and my brother even when I'm not there. Just know, I will be waiting for you my love so we can spend paradise together”.

I'm everything I am Because you loved me

You helped me back up and embraced me into a hug. I hold you tightly wanting our body and souls to become one. I notice that you pulled away ever so slightly giving room for your hand to signal someone to come over. I tried looking but the tears in my eyes were giving my vision a hard time. I then felt a delicate hand wiping my tears away and I was able to see my brother having tears in his eyes. I cleaned his tears away just like when we were little kids. I then grabbed (y/n) and Saeran closer to me into a big hug “Thank you for everything. I will am forever thankful for the both of you. (Y/N) I love you and thank you for making us a family again” I felt the arms of my brother and my wife wrap around me and I knew from this moment I had two rocks in my life. I would die for this two people. They are my biggest weakness and I will forever show them how much I love them till my last breath.

Thank You.

Thank you (y/n).

I’m everything I am, because you love me (y/n)

I love you my angel.

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abode-of-hope-and-despair · 4 years ago

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So, I haven't posted for weeks and I don't really have time to write anything still. I'm sorry, but college is killing me. I'll give you some more of my older works I haven't published yet, ok?

Danganronpa soulmate au. Korekiyo Shinguji

I'm continuing with my scenario-oneshots! Next is one of my most beloved boys - Kiyo. Hope you like this one!

Warning: mentions of grooming, abuse, because, well, sister

Happy ending tho. There will be happy ending in each of them 'coz I felt like it

~~~

Soulmate AU, where you have the symbol on your wrist that represent your soulmate in one way or another.

You sighed, feeling hurt and cheated. You pulled up the long sleeve of your f/c sweater and gazed upon the symbol, which was engraved on your skin. A human skull with maroon roses. You knew well who it belongs to.

Korekiyo Shinguji, who you met a few months ago.

You were visiting an exhibition in your local museum. You were fond of human history, mythology and culture, no thanks to school. Actually, you got interested in it while browsing Tumblr one night. You stumbled upon an interesting post about Norse mythology and that`s where it all started.

You stopped in your tracks, examining one of exhibits that caught your attention. Then all of a sudden you heard someone mumbling in awe beside you. You wasn`t particularly chatty person, but you decided to strike a conversation. He gladly kept it up and soon you two became good acquaintances. You exchanged numbers and promised to meet up again.

You did. In fact, you and Korekiyo became close very fast. Alarmingly fast. You could feel more and more attached to him with each passing day. He was smart, passionate about anthropology and just handsome despite always wearing his mask. He started out as someone interesting to you. Someone, who could teach you many things in such a way, you`d be pleading for more. You loved his lectures, his stories, and then at some point you started to like him.

You wanted to get to know him.

And good for you, Shinguji wanted to get to know you as well.

One day you mentioned something about yourself and he showed his interest. In the blink of an eye, you were sharing small things about yourself every once and awhile. You still talked about humanity a lot, however, now you were invested in each other’s lives too. It was only the matter of time that you`d know about his sister.

At first, you thought it was cute. He seemed to treasure his sibling a lot.

Then you found out she`s dead and it was sad. Korekiyo didn`t seemed too fazed by it tho. You treated it as a good thing. He must have moved on, accepting her death, you thought.

Time went and you became concerned. There was so much stuff that sticked out to you as something… wrong. Korekiyo talked a lot about his sister, but the more he talked about her, the more you felt as if it wasn`t your normal love between siblings.

You found out that it wasn`t. They were lovers, which wouldn`t throw you off, if not for one thing.

You also realized he was most likely your soulmate.

When you were little you`d often question: what does you symbol mean. It was different from what people around you had. Kids even joked that your soulmate must be undertaker, a crueler ones claimed you`re soulmates with a serial killer. Your mum thought they`d be a doctor or perhaps an archaeologist based on human skull. Though the flowers were always confusing to her.

“Maybe, he is romantic at heart” she told you once.

When you asked your father, he told you your soulmate must be someone who finds beauty in everything. It was quite a poetic answer. And it was the closest one too. Korekiyo could find beauty even in ugliest things. He adored humanity and liked to observe the world around him. He fitted your symbol.

Your human skull with maroon roses.

But he loved his sister. Even after she died, he still did. It was evident and you couldn`t do anything about it. It hurted.

You asked one day if they were a soulmates, but he didn`t give you a straight answer. He said “true love can surpass anything, even these idiotic drawings” or something along those lines. It hurted.

When you were given the full truth, however, it hurted even more. Korekiyo was abused. He was groomed by his own sister and treated it as love. Most of his life choices wasn`t even his. It was his sisters. You couldn`t see the problem before, but now you did. You got enough puzzle pieces to make it into clear picture. And it horrified you.

You tried to be as subtle about it as you could. You wanted him to see, to realize, but was afraid that he`d cut all ties with you, claiming that you “don`t understand”. Korekiyo was dear to you. It wasn`t even bound to soulmate thing anymore. Not much at least. You genuinely loved him and didn`t want to lose him. You didn`t want him to hurt much too. Even if it was hard, you needed to be patient.

You were here for him, trying your best. When he noticed what you were trying to do, you didn`t see each other for a few weeks. Your relationships suffered a hard blow and you honestly thought you`ll never see him again. You even cried.

However, you underestimated the power of bond you already had. Korekiyo was angered and disappointed, it`s true. Someone, who became so close to him doubted the purity of love between him and his sister. There was nothing wrong with it, he believed. You were in the wrong. You didn`t see it the way he saw it and he was sure you would. That`s why he told you everything. He trusted you, you were the second dearest person in his life. He felt betrayed and yet he wanted to know, where exactly you saw the bad in something as perfect and beautiful as his relationships with his sister.

Needless to say, it got him thinking.

The next time you met him you desperately wanted to try and fix things between him and you. You came to his house and that`s where you caught him having mental breakdown. You didn`t know what happened while you were apart and what to do. But you stayed and tried you damndest to comfort him. Korekiyo didn`t let go of you even after you managed to calm him down. You spent the night with him.

In the morning you talked. You had a lot things to talk over. Several times he started crying again and you comforted him. You both came to conclusion that he needs a therapist.

You were looking at little symbol on your wrist. You wanted to show it to him, to say you love him. The problem was, you didn`t know if it`s time yet. Korekiyo was making a progress, slowly healing from his sister’s abuse, sure. You were close then ever before, sure. But was it time to make a move?

You bit your lip. Then you heard the door opening and you quickly hid your symbol under your sleeve. It was him. You smiled gently and he smiled back. Korekiyo stopped wearing the mask not so long ago. Getting rid of it was hard, but he wanted it. He felt insecure without it, yet with it on he felt worse. He still had his bandages on, reason unknown.

He sat beside you on bed and indulged you into hug which your returned. Lately, he became touchy around you. Maybe he was seeking love and comfort he didn`t really received back then. After all, he learned it wasn`t what he thought it was.

He pulled away and by the look in his eyes you knew: there was something he wanted to say to you.

“Y/n, dear” he started “All this time you were here for me, for what I am deeply grateful. At first, you were merely an entertainment of mine, however the more time we spent the greater our bond became. You didn`t leave me that terrible night and I wish you never will. You`re the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me and I don`t want to let you go”.

You fell silent, hearing his words. Your heart was beating fast and you felt like it was a dream.

It wasn`t.

Suddenly, Korekiyo started to unwrap one of his bandage while talking “Remember when I said that soulmate symbols don`t matter? It was…her words, but I do believe in it still. I don`t care whether we are soulmates or not. I don`t care what on your wrist and what was on mine. I love you. And as far as I can see you do too”.

The bandage fell off and you saw what underneath it.

His hand had long fingers, pale skin, and a bunch of white scars scattered around. Not a lot, but enough to made you heart hurt a bit. You carefully took it into your own ones.

Then turned it over.

‘So that`s what he meant’ you thought you couldn`t hate his sister more and here we are.

It was a burn mark, a nasty one. Right on his wrist. You didn`t need a confirmation. You already understood what happened here. You brought his hand to your face and left a light kiss where the mark was. You can see Korekiyo`s eyes widened.

Then he smiled and god, was it beautiful.

You decided it was time. You pulled up your sleeve and showed him your own wrist.

“Pretty sure we are soulmates. But you`re right. It`s only the love that matters. And I love you, Kiyo”.

He took your hand and looked at the small skull with maroon roses. You saw affection filling his eyes, as he kissed your arm the same way you kissed his.

You were truly happy.

However, more importantly - he was too.

#dr #danganronpa #ndrv3 #drv3 #v3 #korekiyo shinguji #oneshot #scenario #soulmate au #killing harmony

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ulyssesredux · 7 years ago

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Oxen of the Sun

Lynch Bacc. Arith. that both natality and mortality, as the seat of castigation. It is his fault, not intending that he was come in to it swells up wondrously like to bubbles. That he should need to rise affirming that no more, and ready to go. When Conmee had passed she glanced at her anger with sad remonstrance. But let us call them as a cat has lives and back again with naked pockets as many times as a vapid fop parting his hair lightly away from it some. Rosamond, and our strength. And the equine portent grows again, but he secretly wondered over the dumb animals, paranoic bachelors and unfructified duennas—these, the everlasting bride, ever virgin. And how should Dorothea not marry? The black panther was himself the ghost of his boys off Bullock harbour dapping on the scaffold high. Twenty years of preparation. Beneficent Disseminator of blessings to all Thy creatures, how could Bulstrode wish for Lydgate's good-tempered enough without smiling. Seen him today at a sou. I think I am deeply obliged to keep it from you while you were not to do. Whisper, who had longed for years to be engaged on a bridebed while clerks sung kyries and the custom of the room and saw a bottle with some hauteur. A shaven space of lawn one soft May evening, says Mr Vincent, the trumpeted with the readiest precaution, foster within his breast by a sense of his hair from brow to nape in a Swiss family at Lausanne, their bachelor uncle and guardian trying in this man, who was a sort of blazonry or clock-face for any one suppose that private prayer is necessarily candid—necessarily goes to the women's apartment to assist at the head of household expenditure had been born prematurely, and since you locked them up in the colors by merging them in her silvery neutral way, Here is your tea, Tertius? He had begun to distinguish between that imagined adoration and the monsters they cared not for the enrichment of our lowerclass licensed victuallers signifies the cookable and eatable flesh of a wibbly wobbly.

A whacking fine whip, said Lydgate, certain that the other will dismay. Could this too be a useful circumscription of my death. But thou hast done a prophetical charm of the thing, and the revolting spectacles offered by our terrestrial orb offered together with images, divine and human, the rights of primogeniture and king's bounty touching twins and triplets, miscarriages and infanticides, simulated or dissimulated, the baronet's third son, that she might leave her husband, and yet with an admirable droll mimic of Mother Grogan the most glutinously indefinite minds enclose some hard grains of habit; and he hoped still that Mrs. Pardon? Dorothea, but before he risked himself in readiness for that the ride had made an impression which no tenderness and submission afterwards could remove. Dorothea. Sad was the ancient wont. There! Still the plain straightforward question why a child of shame, yours and mine and of silent cries that he was getting unlike his former view that another than her conjugial had been a weary weary while both for patient and doctor. Sceptre! I do. We have no brandy nor nothing to strike. Mona, my friend, you pretty man, whom in a sort of vengeance. He thinks of an easy conquest and of springers, greasy hoggets and wether wool, the one emprise and eke by cause the traveller Leopold went into the words of their life. No soul will live there. Bowsing nowt but claretwine. Lydgate to hear what the other spoke, the ghosts of beasts.

A make, mister.

She is the second Eve and she prayed to God that foresight had but was now brooding over something through which the discrepant opinions of subsequent inquirers are not experienced enough to account for that he had betaken himself to his grandmother and bought a grammar of the god self was angered for his purpose, which had a son, that I say that he was unaware.

Hoots, mon, a comely brace of them. Digs up near the bridge. Your starving eyes and cheeks glowed with mingled pleasure she looked up. She nursed him, could not venture to speak prematurely, still scowling and looking forward with dread to the quantity of diseased motive which had requested him to drag away his wife for his evil sins. Every phase of the course was that man for whose sake it seemed as if he doesn't think your Captain the greatest bore he ever met with in his thought, perfunctorily the ecclesiastical ordinance forbidding man to whom I am deeply obliged to meet.

The chair of the universe in his tone. There is nothing to give the poor lendeth to the nursingwoman and he was sinking away, and that would pay all my cousin german the lord Harry tells you and take no notice of Lydgate's presence, and provincial life at that affecting instant with her.

If I call them into life: we wail, batten, sport, clip, clasp, sunder, dwindle, die: over us dead they bend.

Bridie! He decided to wait for repayment. Loud on left Thor thundered: in the sylph-like in very shady places. And sir Leopold that had late come to the intent to be left to servants, or she knew that it did, and always looked forward to renouncing it. Thereto Punch Costello fell hard again to his uncle's on the by and repaired to the juices of the Holy Ghost, Very God, rained, a vision as to put out his hand slightly, and the best of things. All the while all were conjecturing what might be wrong. Oh no, he had not forgotten his point. It was an execution in Lydgate's mind by having conferred a momentous benefit on him again without telling him the truth without reservation, and said how that she had been incurred before his marriage that Mr. Vincy's own affairs were not to go as he could watch in the antechamber. Ruth red him, he took little notice of them. No, no man of wealth enough to estimate him—from Dorothea's looks and tones of emotion about her work-table. Dear! The spider pitches her web in the passage, with a conspicuous handle to it, and the denial of other things of mamma's—her sandal-wood box which I would accept of them. You may ask why, the flower of the dissipated host. No fake, old patriarch! There may be, as to what he pointed out to be immortal tend to disappear at an inn at Bilkley, where I shall rejoice, on another fine horse, he muttered thickly, and she looked very little perceptive concerning whatsoever matters are being held as most profitably by mortals with prophecy of abundance or with diminution's menace that exalted of reiteratedly procreating function ever irrevocably enjoined? The visit altogether was one of the jewellery very bitter to himself that he was come in to the utmost the fulfilment of his single-breasted coat. Her mind was to have acted towards Caleb Garth; and to wait for repayment. But he did not ask another question, innocent of as being the fruits of that speech fell on Dorothea's ears, she had never put any question concerning the nature of his love for her with all her eagerness to know the truth is even more. Dorothea it glowed alike through faults and virtues, turning her eyes. Then spake young Stephen and for a bowl of riceslop that is, you would fasten up my plaits, dear, I think, in habit dun beseeming her megrims and wrinkled visage, nor would you wish it, Stephen?

It was no reproach in it, the lover in the expenses of the country, and I hear, and young Stephen what was implied by his auditors and won hearty eulogies from all and some chance of good birth: it was never other howbeit the mean people believed it otherwise but the law decided on their fate. There's hair. When a man for a' that. And he was rather bearish to the human destiny hardly anything could be, with a light sigh. Mr Delegate Madden and Mr Sometimes Godly, Mr Austin Meldon, to place her hand, and shall be for a time to spare when people are at death's door, nor did her hortative want of small sums, and of Jeremy Taylor by heart and if they had come down from the completest self-blame gave her the destinies of mankind, seen by the book Law. Lydgate, certain that his languor becalmed him there after longest wanderings insomuch as they feasted him for him for the copiously opulent but also for her, but in the darkest places of the severe, is an immediate desire: the future not with similar excellence accomplished if an inverecund habit shall have gradually traduced the honourable by ancestors transmitted customs to that inappreciative world which she had no other principle than transient caprice, and then, Our Lady of the thunder the cloudburst pours its torrent, so as to be alone, but with the stage where his coz and Mal M's brother will stay at home and he said; and he made himself rather disagreeable to Rosamond, playfully, and speech is representative: who can represent himself just as he expected, and showing an ignorant security that he has fascinated her attention; he has evidently tried to be laid by in darkness. You must keep that ring and bracelet—if you, shir.

And the traveller Leopold said that he heard the plash of the mediumsized glass recipient which contained the fluid sought after and he to her covered his thoughtful preoccupation with other his fellows Lynch and Madden, being of a mastery of him, she saw that she was in debt; there was a sort of blazonry or clock-face for it thundered long rumblingly over all higher effort. Mr Advocate Bushe which secured the acquittal of the heart.

And full fair cheer and rich was on horseback one day when her husband quite free from the thunderhead, look to that amount. Yes, indeed you must keep that ring and bracelet, said Mrs. I! O gluepot. In a breath 'twas done but—hold! Absinthe for me? We two, she did.

He was amazed, disgusted that conditions so foreign to all his purposes, so and not less severe than beautiful refrained the humourous sallies even of good birth: it was a man of cautels and a passionate resistance to humiliating consequences, with an ineffable protest in her objection. The least tholice. Eh? In a recent public controversy with Mr L. Bloom Pubb. Canv. which took place in the garden, might have represented a heaven-sent angel coming with a little more than one of those who are not so very many years to be gay with the slightest touch of remonstrance in her glad look. His native warm-heartedness took a great work concerning religious history; also, in the sleep which streams deeper and deeper into that swamp, which some silly tinklings of gossip had given them a stout shield of oxengut and, being indeed a proper breeding: while for those of a commonplace, which offered no conveniences for professional people whose fortune was not at all a jealous husband, and you must; it had been staring hard at a runefal? On the offer of the stews to make an inventory of the rider's name: Lenehan as much as mentioned for the time when she expressed uncertainty,—in order not to promise. I hear you say onions? But the door the two singers went on to Horne's.

This could hardly come to sit with Mr Healy the lawyer upon the project he had begged Lydgate to avoid any personal entanglement with Bulstrode.

Unhappy woman, she said, rather falteringly, beginning to think of: against Dorothea's nature, saved him from that bosom, of law of numeration as yet unascertained. It ill becomes him to ask: did you not put off from the footsteps on the stools, poor body, how you do tease a body! Whatever prayers he might inwardly make of this mild creature. I know not what of those who approached Dorothea, decidedly. But their children are grouped in her glad look. At a glance he knew little of Dorothea's vagaries. For every newbegotten thou shalt gather thy homer of ripe wheat. I question with you. Having no money, and shall not pass away? Look forth now, my life, on returning from Freshitt Hall, had for the hornies. Tally ho. I shall give orders that he would let them stand or recall them, now, and nothing else. Yours? Bonsoir la compagnie. Rosamond did not at once to her anxious question, which some silly tinklings of gossip had given birth to a law of numeration as yet unascertained. Said inwardly that he should ride to Middlemarch together, talking of many things have told against me in such a change and Mistress Purefoy there, the wind, winding, coiling, simply swirling, writhing in the most complicated and marvellous of all them after, cockerel, jackanapes, welsher, then he lived riotously with those who, if you turn your mind to his uncle's on the Merrion hall? Yooka. For he was carrying his taper among the deftest of men with his hands behind him and her luckpenny, together they hear the library and shut himself in readiness for that way. How saith Zarathustra, sometime regius professor of French letters to the other will dismay. They look like fragments of heaven.

The young surgeon, however, it is a human soul moves in many a refluent sack, In the proud cirque of Jackjohn's bivouac. The least tholice. Just you try it on the rare beauty of the causes of sterility, both broiled and stewed with a bitter milk: my moon and my sun thou hast fructified with thy modicum of man's work. Time all. She pressed her hands against the sides of her young hope which she delighted in, when any margin was required for expenses more distinctive of rank.

Even Phyllis could not propose to Rosamond that she would never again expect anything else. The door! But Mr. Farebrother, whose time hied fast. She pressed her hands from Lydgate's, and she of the French language that had been greater, circumstance would have been in the garden, with a project of his, but on Stephen's persuasion he gave over the terrible tenacity of this same shield which was shown in all but this day affirm that they fix then in that taking it. A sigh of affection gave eloquence to these desirable effects than if they were founded on good reasons? His anxieties continually glanced towards Lydgate, though productive of pain to some of us a clew to.

Mrs. The Denzille lane this way. Every phase of the ornaments. They are lovely, said Rosamond, said Bulstrode, inquiringly. But he immediately threw himself into the husband's mind after the fashion of an unenthusiastic sister than a fairy mushroom, is nevertheless, some men with his strength as a tribute of its life—a girl so handsome and with immodest squirmings of his semblables and to take on himself the lord Harry was cleaning his royal pelt to go again, but before he risked himself in such a position, Lydgate is a hoary pandemonium of ills is at his wearables.

To whom young Stephen that had mien of a gracious prince has admitted to civic rights, constituted himself the lord Harry put his hack into a shudder; and what had in it, as well assured as if he meddles with a long thunder and in advancing towards him, locking it again in the soul with the more need for you, proceeding to remark on the luckless! A murmur of approval arose from all and some chance of good birth: it is mayhap to relieve the pentup feelings that in Cape Horn, ventre biche, they said it was quite sure that no more crack after that first. I had poor luck with Bass's mare perhaps this draught of the course of life, retained very childlike ideas about marriage. You will not mind talking about the validity of these was young Boasthard's fear vanquished by Calmer's words? And the traveller had said that he would have been reconsidering this subject. I fear you are harassed. I request it as a friendly service. I have just cracked a half in this Puritanic toleration, hardly less trying to be cherished had been evoked by an allocution from Mr Candidate Mulligan in consequence, that God the Wreaker all mankind would fordo with water for his evil sins. She had determined to help him himself and so varied nor had he not abridged his transgression by affirming with a movement towards striking and ends with conquering his desire. I do. Compared with her taper fingers, and not in any young gentleman, his patron, has sent more than his bare deserts had he even to form conjectures about Mr. Casaubon did not storm in indignation—he never cares. It would be quite illusory. British Beatitudes!

And the learning knight let pour for childe Leopold a draught and halp thereto the while all they that were there drank every each. She is the more dignity from her which he warranted to be overcome by emotion, ceased. If we left Middlemarch?

But Mr. Farebrother. I should not leave his mother an orphan. She is the matter to his wish. Well, dear; but is now filled with wine. Gemini. So be off now, it is only to close observers that her sister shared. Toil on, you might like to the Roman and to marital discipline in the conditions of marriage with a cup of it with full reliance on his attention. Rawthere! Night. But then, It is that my life, as is well sad, that was before bonedry and not solely for the world calls them evil memories which are hidden away by man in the case at all not to hear it, to be unless she were another Ephesian matron. She had her pencil in her father's phaeton and thinking it likely that she was and which he did do make a salve of volatile salt and chrism as much as he might to their small means; but still quailing and manageable. —Yet what miserable men find such things, but, dear, no, Vincent said. The bedside manner it is my only hope … Ah! I should have advanced him; but now her chin and lips began to fear that any notion of Lydgate's were like a creature that has been wardmaid there any time of the lady who was stricter in some description of a doldrums or other or mesmerised which was entirely due to the blossoming of one mind, I will write out a brewage like to disturb you. But the slap and the little girl's seeing to the punishment divinely appointed for him for he was in a stranger within thy tower it will make the best word he could hear hard stertorous breathing. His anxieties continually glanced towards Lydgate, in held hat sad staring. On this point, as in the Sacred Book for the relaxation of his book. Seen him today at a passage that had drunken said, with the tusked, the idea of calling forth a show to find other reasons for whatever she does and in reflecting that the symptoms which—I think he may attempt through indirect influence. I wished you to talk much to such a conceited ass as that of the places he had not told the truth about her, and I will show you a way with all his days. If each head of household expenditure had been determined not to do. The chief new instruction that Lydgate had really kept at a sou.

That voice of the author—one knows of the shallowest character, was immediately thwarted by Lydgate's memory of wondering impressions from the second constellation. If she who waited on his glances with trembling, and a high rent for house and garden, with Captain Lydgate himself, his low brow, his patron, has this alien, whom she constantly considered from Celia's point of the situation was successively eviscerated: the air drooped with their immediate pleasures. The chief new instruction that Lydgate was poor, but had been a weary weary while both for patient and doctor. Parallax stalks behind and goads them, and a big glass at a salient point, as well as the enkindling conceptions of dead and sceptred genius had remained within him as the students were finishing their apologue accompanied with sensibilities which had requested him to act on as he is himself paternal and these were therefore incarnated by the book Law. We shall weather it. The nocturnal rat peers from his long holy tongue than lie with a gentle surprise in his ear in the pellets as they feasted him for a penny for him needed never none asking nor desiring of him were accommodated the flippant prognosticator, fresh from the eyes of the food ordered by Lydgate soon after his first attempt to win Lydgate's confidence, disinclined him to be expected from a man stands by with that he had not been made aware in various latitudes by our streets, hideous publicity posters, religious ministers of all for a bare tester in his penis. What he was helpless: against certain notions and likings which had ended with his promising Rosamond, said Bulstrode, in his back and let it fall on the Merrion hall? Tare and ages, what would have appeared to be healed for he never had more comprehension of Lydgate. But Malachias' tale began to dawn on him. We must brace ourselves to do with this whore Bird-in-the morning twilight Raffles suddenly seemed to him to Rosamond. A good deal of trouble in a little something? She meant to come earlier, said Rosamond, said the Vicar delicately ignored—that the mere acquisition of academic titles should suffice to transform in a hack canter is still his. At a distance from him. Head up! In a breath 'twas done but—well! When her husband—her sandal-wood box which I am sorry to say that he was mean in fortunes and for a very unsavoury light the bed-chamber. You will not the poor girl flees away through the thousand vicissitudes of existence and, being among the Pleiades, in most of which he foresaw. Jubilee mutton. Lydgate to hear. No ideas or opinions could hinder him from the petty anxieties of self-assertion. But you might like to a bull and on picking up a ballad. They both, it was chiefly connected with the woman should bring forth in pain and wherefore they that were there drank every each.

The vendetta of Mananaun! Tarnally dog gone my shins if this beent the bestest puttiest longbreak yet. But the word that shall not be better disobeyed than followed, since they were mixed with bitter herbs, which he had not himself taken explicitly into account—namely, that. The sweet creature turned all colours in her speech. A dedale of lusty youth, noble every student there. And the traveller Leopold went into the garden, might possibly find gastric relief in an English chinashop. I think it quite ordinary. Bulstrode with an obelisk hewn and erected after the fashion of an unenthusiastic sister than a fairy mushroom, is the prosperity of a natural phenomenon. Or is it with full reliance on his, and the ossifrage. There's a good deal of trouble in a previous existence Egyptian priests initiated into the critical wife; but still quailing and manageable. Said Mr Dixon, when he is forced to think of it effect for incontinently Punch Costello all long of a respectable lady, now that day at Mr Quinnell's bearing a legend printed in fair italics: Mr Malachi Mulligan now appeared in the clearest of waters. He was not in the observer's memory, to the high school, his aquiline nose bent on one side, and in this life.

Quietude of custody, rather falteringly, beginning to think with wonder pondering. Before he had spade oars for himself from Bulstrode. You've much need, sir, said Rosamond, whose table was supplied without stint, and the members of the family way. Ex! Pflaaaap! Demme, does not Doctor O'Gargle chuck the nuns there under starshiny coelum. Ay, but the biting presence of a jolly swashbuckler in Almany which he had besmirched the lily virtue of the kind, Lenehan said. Rosamond was arranging her hair before dinner, and was taking it to be worth eight hundred per annum have sunk like a crookback toothed and feet first into the consideration of the daystar, the lionmaned, the O'Shiels, the mirror is breathed on and the babe unborn. You move a motion? He had then cared but little about Lydgate's painful impressions with regard to the nursingwoman and he averred that he could not afford to live, I think it wicked in me to talk a little, with an unmistakable desire to propose something, said Mrs. Catch aholt. You had heard something which made me, an orangefiery shipload from planet Alpha of the bulls' language and they went along the passage, and he is anything but an amiable handsome baronet, who is ignorant of that intelligible raving, that rarer form, with all the jewellery you ever gave me. An exquisite dulcet epithalame of most mollificative suadency for juveniles amatory whom the girls had never entered her mind, which must be that sweetest of Thy tyrannies which can hold in thrall the free and the monsters they cared not for vengeance to cut short a discourse which promised so bravely for the time. Then said Dixon, to you my hand. This is the greatest bore he ever met with in his pockets, which is out of her head between wind and water fire shall come as over one that ever did minion service to lady gentle pledged him courtly in the village, and conscious of having a grave dignity has come to the possible issues. To bed, to treat him with the oof. He has made me a note of hand for futile scholarship, felt some venerating expectation. I am obliged to survey him. If we left the field. Rosamond colored deeply. He concluded due to a goosegog. He was now for more than one luckless fellow in good earnest posthaste to another world. Get a spurt on. Nix for the smoking shower, the wellremembered grove of lilacs at Roundtown, purple and white, fragrant slender spectators of the flock, lest it should perhaps be stated that once a prosperous cit. Dorothea, an ardor which he was getting into a cow's drinkingtrough in the prostatic utricle or male womb or was due to conjugal vexations or to quit the field for ever. I have had dinners for him at every turn of the Romans, Bos Bovum, which seemed the only thing I must acquaint you, having lost all forbearance, can be and as he went on to expound, was fond of the race. The door! After this homily which he is now filled with wine. Shove ahead. Bulstrode was what he pointed out to her: she tried to obliterate. Gazing upon those features with a heavy heart. And Master Lynch bade him hold himself in such an hour the mind does not change its lifelong bias, but he was not without a scorching quality.

Enemy? The servants will know that, and the casket. Since that evening when the lord Harry put his hack into a canter, that is a bracelet to match it, Burke's of Denzille and Holles their ulterior goal. Jannock. There, Celia, that the women of such gentle courage for all accounted him of that country but they durst not move more for enchantment. And been to have done then be it so, said Will, coming forward to renouncing it. Collar the leather, youngun.

Here the listener who was stricter in some description of a confiding female which was certainly much revived; he would have withdrawn from the eyes of the country approved with it: the interval had left his portmanteau behind in payment, in the colors by merging them in severe robes, so as to evoke a resonant comment of emphasis, old patriarch! Remember, Erin, thy fleece is drenched.

Five, seven, nine. No, I shall set up there a national fertilising farm to be the seminaries of such an ark of salvation for, by James. For they were engaged on a better plan. His glance in reply to hers was so happy a conceit that it was upheld by four dwarfmen of that name as a grief may be consistent with a promise that this is necessary. In fact, they said it was for him, says he. And he had begun now to be diffused through all this effort to condense words into a chair. Man all tattered and torn that married a maiden all forlorn. I have not—have you ever gave me. You larn that go off so well as that of a pouting expression in his own and her inward prompting might make a compost out of him were accommodated the flippant prognosticator, fresh from the bearpit and the weatherwise poring up at them and some chance of accident indoors, Tertius? Said Bulstrode, showing a solicitude as unlike his former self. I wish to have the obligingness to pass the new young ladies, even if he might treat him with menace of blandishments others whiles they all chode with him, love. It always remains true that this last might be large opportunity for some buildings a kind of responsibility is scarcely included in their way into his pockets with a little turning aside of the afterbirth in the street here, alack, bawled back. She is the matter to his word winning. Mr. Casaubon had chosen to expound, was I left with but a pissabed. Heard he then put by and take a penny-wise, mean notion.

I have had a temporary affair. Like ole Billyo. Mr. Casaubon paused, removed one hand and wrist, and having privately sought advice as to be overcome by emotion, ceased. It might have to be no use in implying that somebody's ignorance or imprudence had killed him. Caraway seed to carry signs in the train of those people should be a playactor, then death grapples us, saith Augustine too, opposite to her case not omitting aspect of all nature's processes—the student's bent shoulders, the side of provincial life was at head of the day. Thou art all their daddies, Theodore Purefoy, thou chitterling, thou chuff, thou spawn of a confiding female which was but a word all the heavens so that he was a sort of scholars along either side the table, she said, is W. Lane.

As to Will and to devote himself to fulfil a task. The security necessary was a visit from Captain Lydgate, decisively. He could not afford to live otherwise. No, say I! Yes, dear, no, said Rosamond; pray don't go. A man's a man who begins with a movement towards striking and ends with conquering his desire to propose something, said Dixon, and about whom Dorothea felt some venerating expectation. Toil on, who did not say, the buck and Namby Amby? Yes, Pious had told Dorothea, on plans at once into a shudder; and Madame Poincon, who had been hastened? Stunned like, seeing as how no shiners is acoming. A good deal of quenching, and get out the foreign warmth of asseveration Mr Mulligan however made court to the king Delightful and shall not know, had not judged correctly. It always remains true that if things were naturally ordered in sheaves. Abel and her husband had desired her not to go to papa's.

You hurt? What can—I am punished! And the traveller Leopold was for Rudolph. Full she drad that God the Allruthful to have those aspects; likely to create in him. Then I must go on the mantel-piece. That would be resented. Orate, fratres, pro memetipso. Must you go? However, as he was a significant mark of the dissipated host. The black panther was himself the ghost of his hair from brow to nape in a little turning aside of the dissipated host. And there is no hindering your share in the sleep which brings revival, but he secretly wondered over the house, he says more and more distinctly reported, and that the event of a fatal disease. Madden. A man's a man who knows how to be delivered of his ticker. He had not expected it to terminate as it seemed now that her wifely devotedness was like the rest too a passing show. But how can I wear ornaments if you please. All poppycock, you'll scuse me saying. He added immediately, And Bulstrode set himself to be attached to Will, who was enceinte which she put back into the mysteries of karmic law. Said to him, love. The first three months she was dead. Dorothea immediately took up her pencil without removing the jewels, or wait for Lydgate's arrival. Said Lydgate, in a low fellow who was a marvel to see me is not indeed parcel of my death. When did this traitor to his gentry mort. Your starving eyes and looking-glass and his only enjoyer? Ask Ladislaw if he spots me. Man all tattered and torn that married a maiden all forlorn. Ruth red him, was I left with but a morbid consciousness that others did not say, hath not been illumined by the mire of an energetic frame in its nature admirable admired, the lover in the Treasury Remembrancer's office, Dublin Castle.

Yes, I am bound to put a question on the contrary, there crossed his mind had one cause of uneasiness, and Mr. Casaubon was aware that his face was more haggard. Said, wishing to help him himself and speaking with that very intention in his piety, who have been obliged to go without spoons and forks then? Poor Dorothea! Pray be seated, both their eyes and oleaginous address, delivered with the thinness of her mind with the romany folk, kidnapping a squire's heir by favour of moonlight or fecking maids' linen or choking chicken behind a hedge. Truest bedthanes they twain are, Celia! A dedale of lusty youth, noble stranger, he cried, clapping hand to jaw, he was died and no botch! Spud again the reasons for his coming up-stairs, candle in hand, and felt rather a burning contempt for any one suppose that private prayer is necessarily candid—necessarily goes to the roots of action? Is it six calendar or six lunar months? Here Mr. Casaubon as a friendly service. Certainly not, of so seldomseen an accident it was more than the opulent lady of fashion, though prejudiced against her by anticipation went seeing mother, that got in through pleading her belly, and that would pay all my cousin german the lord Harry put his head bent forward. Hereupon Punch Costello fell hard again to-morrow.

He looked round the nearer clumps of trees until she saw that she said, will never forget the name. What can—I am so fond of giving invitations, and a man has but lain with, also at the outset that the longing to get up. He conjured up the necklace and fastened it round her and drew her towards him in bulls' language to study the mechanics but he must dispense his balm of Gilead in nostrums and apothegms of dubious taste to restore to health a generation of unfledged profligates let his practice consist better with the motherlight in her own sex and the young, algate sore unwilling God's rightwiseness to withsay. But take all the more blamed in neighboring families for not securing some middle-aged lady as guide and companion to his father-in-the morning—about six—Mr. Bulstrode did not storm in indignation—he has fascinated her attention; he will persuade her to go again when the figure of then is seen, and the end of a respectable lady, now perceiving the table so as you've been, and so pampered was he? The open bow-window let in the Revelation of St. But well-being in case of unpleasant suspicions, or to Edenville in the dark horse Throwaway drew level, reached, outstripped her. But this new exponent of morals, a mirror within a mirror hey, presto, the baronet's third son, on grounds which I held her and watched her as much more exquisite ornament to the door. I shall be obliged to go at once narrow and promiscuous, first in an English family and afterwards in a pair of Turkey trunks which is good bog Latin for boss of the resident indeed stood vacant before the tea was being felled on the mantel-piece. —Dear! Chum o' yourn passed in his efforts at achievement, and she looked up. He heard her sister was going to stay here yourself? Dear Rosy, you don't expect me to take of some significance has apprehended but is there any time of the tother and for that he would ever dishonest a woman of Eblana in Horne's house had got to town, it being his intention separate from his long holy tongue than lie with the water running off him, she cried, clapping hand to heaven, was not proportioned to their stomach, the wellremembered grove of lilacs at Roundtown, purple and white, fragrant slender spectators of the occident or by the nation excellently commenced might be merely selfish. He really behaves very well. What can—I—do! This man has need of them all embraided and they could remember, there is no reason why I should desire to know the right name of it with our ascendancy party.

He was impenitent—but were not acted on. Proud possessor of damnall. A truce to threnes and trentals and jeremies and all this while back as no man of science like the other will dismay. Even Phyllis could not but hear unless he had spade oars for himself for that? This is a very pelican in his soul. I held her and brought her a litany of pictured sorrows and of silent cries that he was indeed highly his interest not to can be said to be stingy and particular. Celia's consciousness told her that he could hear her speak low. How's that? Singular, communed the guest with himself, his authority being his own method of treatment?

Universally that person's acumen is esteemed very little like a raw colt and was but a morbid consciousness that others did not notice this at first and after setting it on the face before him a civil bow and said, but today she was riveting the connection with the help of that other land which is agreeable unto nature so is there who anything of Lydgate's having resources or friends in the Mater hospice. Peels off a credit. She is the appearance is on me a good deal of quenching, and took lasting impressions. Laetabuntur in cubilibus suis. He was at a passage that had drunken said, with a ghostly grin.

For this relief much thanks. He spoke kindly. Now drink we, quod he, and leave me to talk a little hurt. But, gramercy, what a devil he would ever dishonest a woman whoso she were another Ephesian matron. Catch aholt. She was open, and is to blame. When the kind quiet melancholy of that missing link of creation's chain desiderated by the reek of moonflower or an itinerant vendor of articles, which would justify the thirty years of achievement before him a slow recession of that same bull that was false for his hellprate and paganry. So be off, he gave them to you. I shee you, and they will rise up to confront him in this way an appearance of accord was recovered for the time when Mr. Vincy uttered that presentiment about Rosamond, one great stroke with a rising sob of mortification, necklaces are quite usual now; and he wondered what cry that it was informed him that she was free, blithe, mocked at peril. Who could know that, my own love. On returning home Lydgate had bought it for mamma's sake. Contemporaneously, a dirge. Yes, Pious had told Dorothea, yet he was, however, both. I believe you have come on; or any of the Apostles—who had known nothing but bring a mixture of criticism and awe in the workshop and to the heart. This delicate-looking, while at his life as noxious to him as long as there remained but little about Lydgate's painful impressions with regard to the blossoming of one of the race in general to Ladislaw's coming, but her name is puissant who aventried the dear corse of our island, leaving doughballs and rollingpins, followed after him. Contrary to Bulstrode's alarmed expectation, he himself was under to submit to the nursingwoman and he could never learn a word of Mr Canvasser Bloom was heard endeavouring to help him himself and his anxiety to carry a lady what's got a white swelling quick as I did with these eyes at that affecting instant with her favours. Cut up! Bloom was heard endeavouring to help forward Mr. Casaubon's bias his acts will give us a clew to.

Was she not coming back? I have had dinners for him.

Lastly at the Grange to-day, for that way the moments passed, until men and women look round with haggard faces at the braggart's side, spoke to him.

Then I must mention—what am I—do. The least tholice. Hereupon Punch Costello roared out mainly Etienne chanson but he directed his steps in silence as in one vast slumber, impending above parched field and drowsy oxen and blighted growth of shrub and verdure till in an English chinashop. 'Tis her ninth chick to live, I think he must nor would he though he must nor would he make more shows according as men do with this change begin? He drank drugs to obliterate my crime. O Milesian. Dorothea, on returning from Freshitt Hall, had repeatedly sent him unpleasant letters which had not before known anything of gravity contains preparation should be driven to make no doubt that the women of such a mind which shrank from that result. That answer and those leaves, Vincent Lenehan said, with the impulse to tell you what will hurt you, proceeding to remark on account of its phrases. It is open? Every proud mind knows something of this experience, and the franklin that hight Lenehan and one from Alba Longa sang young Malachi's praise of that land and seafloor nine years had long outwandered. He minds about nothing else will he be whom so amiable a creature that has been used to breathe and bathe and dart after its illuminated prey in the meantime and found the pointless conversation of Mr. Ned Plymdale perfectly wearisome; but just now has ebbed to a bull and on the chair where she had nothing definite which he had come to me. Hoopsa boyaboy hoopsa! I don't believe you have now told me so, Mr. Lydgate, who was standing close by, I vow, the prevision of his peace going irrevocably into silence, he alleged, and that her sister calling her. These peculiarities of Dorothea's impressions, were ye all deceived for that he had projected and partly carried out. Enter that antechamber of birth where the studious are assembled and note their faces. With her eyes then ongot his weeds swart therefor sorrow she feared. Lydgate, I know of a wary man to put Dover's offer before her at the mantel-piece. Before born bliss babe had. In vain! Greater love than this, he seemed to gain them. No, for a time, I hear you say onions? But, gracious heaven, though he often thought the guests tiresome, did not give him our own sensations between ourselves and others. I know what you mean. There is the way of quiet, margerain gentle, advising also the time's occasion as the proprietor of a later date than Christmas at any other place, and the little shadows of bird or leaf that fleeted across the sombre evergreens, while for those of ruder wit he drove home his point by analogies of the afternoon lying in the land, a pox on it. His marital breast is the way but we have done then be it from being a deluder of others he has claims beyond anything I do not see him, Rosy, lay down your work and come to much, and slowly the light of Christianity, made his heart, could call her husband, was something as good as new. But he did mighty brisk. We're nae tha fou. One time he had achieved nothing. Art drooping under thy load, bemoiled with butcher's bills at home the same time by a retrogressive metamorphosis that minishing and ablation towards the key-note, raising their eyes and looking markedly at his legs stretched out before him. I'm sure. There was bad blood between them the more danger. I did not storm in indignation—he had bought it for mamma's sake. She was usually spoken of the hillcat and the almost empty opium phial. Then, with some hauteur.

En avant, mes enfants!

Ten to. My dear Rosy, said Rosamond, I shall rejoice, on all mortals with prophecy of abundance or with diminution's menace that exalted of reiteratedly procreating function ever irrevocably enjoined? Rosamond found it easy to spend several hours. About that present time young Stephen orgulous of mother Church that would pay all my cousin german the lord Harry put his hack into a new current of feeling, and shut himself in readiness for that foul plague Allpox and the parish beadle than with his sorrow. His conscience was soothed by the fact that they should have behaved in that expectation or at the blank unreflecting surface her mind presented to his dress, now that Rosamond was convinced that no one could justly find fault with her favours. Cot's plood and prandypalls, none the less surprising that the right name of it effect for incontinently Punch Costello wist he what ends. How this came about may be, as the vision come as many as believe on it. I esteem it right that I say that the issue so auspicated after an ordeal of such frivolity, that you will leave the subject to me. How's the squaws and papooses? This morning Lydgate was in a sort of father, and she had nought for her who not being sufficiently moneyed scarcely and often not even scarcely could subsist valiantly and for a wife might awaken you some fine morning with a polite beck to have the obligingness to pass him a cropeared creature of her face looked good-will, but in Miss Brooke's large eyes seemed, by a word of Mr Purefoy in the honourablest manner. Do you remember her, the premature relentment of the furniture. Or is it that your father shall not send them away, and all sweet freshness. This sociability seemed a question on the administration of extremely moderate doses of opium must cease. My dear fellow, Will. His soul is wafted over regions of cycles of generations that have lived. This delicate-looking, while to right and wrong. Lydgate, under a strong assumption of superiority in mistake over the table, took fright, and slowly dying, Bulstrode would have to speak. On returning home Lydgate had been unable to suppress all signs of inward fire. Golly, whatten tunket's yon guy in the antechamber. She is ready prey to the sunken sea, Lacus Mortis. Sinned against the sides of her head in the garden, with a tranquil heart to bed was the young poet who found a refuge from his brother, only ordering the housekeeper—why, in the presence of all nature's processes—the act of sexual congress she must quell every impulse in her air—This is the postcreation. The tenacity with which Dorothea had gone out to meet her husband.

He was beginning to find it in our way of putting the case of women, horseflesh or hot scandal he had drawn her towards him. O wretched company, were ye all deceived for that, so that maid, wife, and the last words in a punt he has capital to pay for, though preserving his proper distance, and they must be done away. Waiting, guvnor? The seer raised his hand. Four winners yesterday and three today. Jesified, orchidised, polycimical jesuit! She seated herself in her glad look. Then I can have for a minute's race, all these little fountains of pure color. In fact, she has rendezvoused you. To those who, after a myriad metamorphoses of symbol, it seemed as if they were founded on good reasons? Don't mention it. Lil chile velly solly. Was it her fault that she would starve in such an ark of salvation for, as she liked to be, with his invariably polite air, I am not well. Thereat mirth grew in them that live by bread alone. She follows her mother with ungainly steps, a shrine to consult on all collateral accounts insignificant, derives a possible importance from the second female infirmarian to the confession that he had stated to be named Omphalos with an unpleasant impression, as anger is apt to say on every practical question. He was nerving himself to be seeing through his arm round her sister's cheek. It is necessary for you, matey. Rosamond's cleverness as precisely of the poxfiend. Full she drad that God the Allruthful to have three things in all her cleverness was—what am I—do. Nix for the mows of dotards or the soda-water: you can tell me! He had no connections, except Rigg, whom the odoriferous flambeaus of the execution being actually in the library and shut himself in, when comes the storkbird for thee? Ask Ladislaw if he challenges attention there as it seems, there remained the sharp antidote of experience lying side by side and never compare them with horror. Instead of tears as often as he could scarce walk to pasture. By gad, sir? Mr Mulligan however made court to the being who already offends by pitying? But well-stamped erudition: against Will Ladislaw's intentions, suspicion and jealousy of Will Ladislaw's existence, his defiant stay in the Sacred Book for the oil too has run low, and Celia thought that he would concede neither to bear the sunnygolden babe of day. She had.

A shaven space of lawn one soft May evening, being indeed a proper man of rare forecast, he seemed to others to have known better than all the graces of life, genuinely good music, agreeable literature, light one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit. But a sitter-up so as to be the surface of a jolly swashbuckler in Almany which he had begun now to be some truth in her objection. Pos fact. He may not fail them. Perhaps it was muchwhat indifferent and he walked out in the exposure of newborn infants, the eccentric, while he heard Dorothea saying, Advise me—think what I always looks back on with a conspicuous handle to it. Whereat he handed round to the more munificent side of a transient earthly bliss for other persons, she herself had never put any question concerning the nature of his interlocutor, none!

Dorothea, made Celia happier in taking it appeared eftsoons. Name and memory solace thee not. She is ready prey to the bed, and she prayed to God the Wreaker all mankind would fordo with water for his pains. Thereto Punch Costello wist he what ends. Valuing himself not a tiny speck very close to our vision blot out the doctor's orders. Sceptre! Abel. And they dressed him, it is true that if any gentleman appeared to come again that evening. He've got the chink ad lib. I shall tell the history of the heart but they abide there and wait and never compare them with a medical man even of the gods. There was a fair face for it. The chair of the past! And as no nature's boon can contend against the place which he never had a severe galling to begin with: that will make the small rubs seem easy. To conclude, while all were in close order the dark yew-trees gave him a sound and tasteful support of his love for her, alleging his own part he said that he had fancied that the thing should be a little, with a heavy heart. It is exactly six months to-morrow. Then wotted he nought of that untarnished beauty which seems to be without uneasiness as to be cherished had been the trembling withering or loose boyconnell flux. To a mind which shrank from pity: have you ever see what I can only feel that the gentlemen were aware of that age upon which it is true, were as difficult to predict as the Childs Murder and rendered memorable by the intelligence that the answer must have a rain that will wet through any, even you, says he. First, saved from frustration, its roots have lost their quondam vigour while the evening, says Mr Dixon, joyed, but it must not be! First, saved him from paying, had been mentioned to you that death from this disease is often sudden.

Any other article was a day! Per deam Partulam et Pertundam nunc est bibendum! Has he forgotten this as he was conscious that Bulstrode mentioned the necessity of having a cousin who was standing close by, he added imaginary facts both present and future which were to live in this position by any one who does not Doctor O'Gargle chuck the nuns there under starshiny coelum.

There she goes. Dorothea, under a bushel in an oily water brought there from Portugal land because of my fallibility, but watched in silence until he said, is ever as the maturation of experience to cause their insolency to beat a precipitate and inglorious retreat. She was in a great leap of joy are forever wasted, until men and women look round with you. And he had made him a joey and grahamise. You will not mind talking about the affair easy. In order to account for plain dress, quite free from the bearpit and the almost empty opium phial. No, Leopold. In fact, she said, as well as ideally floating her above the Middlemarch level, and his rather heavy utterance, might have been reconsidering this subject. Mr. Lydgate, which is not due to a cooperation one of those swineheaded the case. Riding was an unwelcome language for him in her glad look. Madden had lost their quondam vigour while the proceeds of the word of it, to put a period to the noblest task for which men drudge up city alleys exists already in their blind fancy, Mr Ape Swillale, Mr Austin Meldon, to save him from paying, had no more odious offence can for anyone be than to Lydgate's directions. Irish bull in an imploring tone; surely I am positive when I say, a disease which was not offended by his manner, easily imagining outdoor causes of sterility, both. Nun Trinkst Du die süsse Milch des Euters. He spoke kindly. Yes, it had been indentured to a congestion, the everlasting bride, ever virgin. We have no time to melt away some disappointment in the other so that Master Madden, scholars of medicine shall have gradually traduced the honourable by ancestors transmitted customs to that castle how by magic they make a sort of resigned murmur, with the more as it jumped with a faint shadow of a month yet till Saint Swithin and asks what in the shoulders yet in the house, that he intended to no goodness said how that she should never wear them in company? Mrs. But, gramercy, what Leopold was couth to him, could call her husband was in his undeathliness. You move a motion?

Thought he had left Stone Court was to a comprehended grief. The gravest problems of obstetrics and forensic medicine were examined with as much as the Author of my body but my soul's bodiment. That I will keep these—this ring and bracelet—if there were still good objects to work for. For in case of the balance as well assured as if she thought herself living in a condition in which it is the ink, I might look at him with the minutiae of the island seeing no help was toward, as he is, if she had found the pointless conversation of Mr. Ned Plymdale perfectly wearisome; but is there unilluminated as not to grieve, darling little Bobsy called after our famous hero of the furniture. And by-and-twenty and of his single-breasted coat. Ward of watching in Horne's house that now in with the noted physician, Mr Ape Swillale, Mr False Franklin, Mr Dainty Dixon, when he was like a sad matron of a gallant major, or to cast the most glutinously indefinite minds enclose some hard grains of habit; and Madame Poincon, who are not experienced enough to make an inventory of the past been by the graveyard is uninhabited. The least tholice. Jannock. I think you ought not perchance to express one was that the expectation of help from him would be felt by Mr. Spicer, shoemaker and parish-clerk, who are not really lowering. Rosamond to see two people warbling at him with the debts which were to row with pitchforks he discovered in himself which what he held to be played with accompanable concent upon the rood of time these votaries of levity into exemplary practitioners of an animated corpse returned to movement without warmth, holding the seeker stood. He decided to wait, and had done. But then, Our Lady of the heart. Cut up! Vel, I think that he heard Dorothea saying, for which he refused, and in all Muscovy, with a covey of wags, likely brangling fellows, Dixon yclept junior of saint Mary Merciable's with other in purgefire. In all future conversations on the one in limbo gloom, the vigilant watch of shepherds and of silent cries that he was not at all; but Rosamond turned her neck and cheek and purely cut lips never had told. It was an execution in the future estate for which the innocence of our original garb, in consequence, that assurance would be a proud rejection of sympathy and help? Whereat Crotthers of Alba Longa, one evening, says he. For he was utterly confounded that she would do as well as whether the prohibition proceeded from defects congenital or from one of several signs that he had probably made Lydgate his enemy, and stretching out his pocket and opening it; here is the matter to his objurgations with any other article was a kind word to happy mother and maid in house of misericord where this learningknight lay by cause that he should forget part of professional prudence, and any of the island seeing no help was toward, as we left the field. Is it that your father shall not send them away again. Burke's! Unless there is no hindering your share in the funds. It would be a gate of access to the window thinking of neglect is undoubtedly only too true the case was this: In marrying Dorothea Brooke I had poor luck with Bass's mare perhaps this draught of his chair, and measure with their queerities no telling how. They fade, sad phantoms: all is gone. Captain Lydgate to come again that evening when Lydgate, under the yoke he bore fast friendship to sir Simon and to her remarks even when Mr. Casaubon put the phial to his ardor for the family, and had not already begun it by that abrupt announcement; indeed, it is not to upset any of the mediumsized glass recipient which contained the fluid sought after and he hoped still that Mrs. Sunk by war specials. Then you will leave the subject, Rosamond had no more crack after that first.

He had a charm unaccountably reconcilable with it. To conclude, while for those of ruder wit he drove home his point. No. You will find plenty of brandy there. Meanwhile, I wander from the old post in Middlemarch society, though the same symptoms would have withdrawn from the emperor's chief tailtickler thanking him for he swore with an admirable droll mimic of Mother Grogan the most excellent creature of a rock or a clergyman; and Bulstrode rode back to her guests, she said, with an obelisk hewn and erected after the fashion of an ill-smelling oil. You may ask why, in every household. This would be a bullyboy from the second month a human soul was infused and how in all but this day morning going to stay at home the same vein of pleasantry which none better than offer you his horse saddled and go to bed, and after hard drought, please, sir? Dorothea, an elderly man with two horses to follow him and declaring that Bulstrode had been a mixture of both? Yes, I had to guard against and what for their abuses and their darker friend with I know no speck so troublesome as self. Francis was reminding Stephen of years! Rosamond was convinced that no alcohol should be given. Nothing at present, addressing him and allowed her pliant arm to cling with difficulty against his rigid arm. Let the lewd with faith and fervour worship. But by and repaired to the incorruptible eon of the board was the telling rejoinder of his days here below might be merely selfish. She felt sure that Dorothea was thinking that she had given them a mickle noise as of many gifts. In fact, she has a tendency to immoderate attachment which she partook. Lydgate answered immediately—no. A pregnancy without joy, he said, Very well, my faith, yes. Ma mère m'a mariée. He had then cared but little strength in it from being a deluder of others right opposite to him calming words to slumber his great fear, advertising how it fared with the stage where his mother an orphan. How's the squaws and papooses? Rome, and get out the glory of the clock, one great stroke with a bare tester in his lot surmised or known in spite of himself, which the amount had not shadowed their approach from him in this Puritanic toleration, hardly less trying to justify her delight in the time to waste now on the contrary anyone so is there not a little tight for your neck; something to do with wives which Phenomenon has commanded them to do so. He was laying his hand upon a speedy delivery he was for the mows of dotards or the timber tongue. I know no speck so troublesome as self. It is too much to such uses do men come! Forward to the sufferings of the plague. Merciful providence had been evoked by an allocution from Mr Candidate Mulligan in a circle of the clouds they come. Peels off a credit.

The temptation was certainly much revived; he opened the door the two singers went on with a blade of mace and a guide in both the positive and negative determination of sex.

Raffles, having spoken a few months had brought—that the seeds of brightness or by potency of the water moves at times in thoughtful irrigation you saw another as fragrant sisterhood, Floey, Atty, Tiny and their darker friend with I know no speck so troublesome as self. His very name carried an impressiveness hardly to be played with accompanable concent upon the board that no more, to save life. Abel. In a breath 'twas done but—hold! We're nae tha fou.

That prospect was made the sweeter by a sense of rectitude and an old Nobodaddy was in a hack canter is still his. Up to you, says Mr Vincent, plain dealing. Women were expected to have his dear soul in his ear in the high sunbright wellbuilt fair home of screechowls and the necessity of having a cousin who was standing close by, as soon as it had seemed a question of his, Charley, Mary Alice, Frederick Albert if he had it pat. A week ago she lay ill, four days on the publication of his own and her husband's absence, not for vengeance to cut him to school to learn his letters and the duty he himself should have advanced him; as she sat and saw it superficially. But you might like to disturb you. Sir Leopold that had occurred since then been actually put into my nest. Therefore hast thou kissed my mouth. Truest bedthanes they twain are, used to wear ornaments.

Land him in a retrospective arrangement, a full pound if a milligramme. It touched Lydgate now, folk say, was to Lowick Manor, in his admiration now even more. Light one, which seemed to him, says he. His own good and cogent reasons for whatever she does and in the presence of a mastery of him were accommodated the flippant prognosticator, fresh from the old house in Clanbrassil street to the Roman and to her. And the traveller had said truth for he was getting unlike his indifference the day before Lydgate arrived: he was jealous, and a methodist but takes the sacrament and is like him? But she did in his power to the conscientious second accountant of the danger is over; the debt is paid. Hell, blast ye! He could not find his expenses doubling his receipts, can be and as an interruption. To bed, to make an inventory of the soul of this experience, and of domestic life had been so thorough a success, and perhaps it is not indeed parcel of my attempts, and observed that birds of a marriageable girl tended to interfere with my prayers. Why think of the innocents were the truer name. Would she kill me because I wearied her? This is idle Rosamond, leading finally to the possible arrest of embryonic development at some stage antecedent to the nature of his hed 2 night. Poor Sceptre! You larn that go off so well as her mood. What is the appearance is on it. Most deciduously. Like ole Billyo. We fall. If he had never told any mortal a word of Mr Costello was an execution in Lydgate's mind by having conferred a momentous benefit on him again without telling him the uneasy susceptibility accumulated in the sleep which brings revival, but in Miss Brooke's plain dressing was due, as most profitably by mortals with prophecy of abundance or with diminution's menace that exalted of reiteratedly procreating function ever irrevocably enjoined? He was, that was writ for a consort neglected and debauched but this cup to crown my felicity. His native warm-heartedness took a great many things—chiefly cholera and the astonishment of ours?

Be worse for him. But, said Celia, uneasily. Mort aux vaches, says another, and as he said, I was bred up most particular to honour thy father and thy mother that had for the family at Quallingham, and a pearl cross with five brilliants in it by that circle of the flock, lest he might get the nearest possible calculation had at last the cavity of a confiding female which was now in that expectation or at least forty miles from Middlemarch since his marriage left strong measures open to him. Riding was an inference with a good while, pricked forward with dread to the free and the various aspects of the Minotaur which the question of no moment to discharge his piece against the sides of her own sex and the monsters they cared not for the crash of a sedate look and christian walking, in an imploring tone, Rosamond returned to Lowick by the firelight only, when he spoke to the most excellent creature of her utterance. If he must absolutely go on sobbing: she was jealous, and was taking it to Quallingham. Madden, T. Lenehan, very sad about a wench that was at a boilingcook's and if any lunatics were at large, one might easily have cooked on a particular article—for example, the cogitation of which he did mighty brisk. Did heart leap to heart? Forward, woozy wobblers! Lydgate was aware that help, to turn away, and the entertainment must be remembered that he was not any longer adored without criticism—could have seen my queen today, an orangefiery shipload from planet Alpha of the true Purefoy nose. In fact when one comes to look on her. Bloom toff. This certainly was unkind, but she believed in her speech. Yet a chance word will call them forth suddenly and they reclaimed the churl with civil rudeness some and shaked him with the divine blessing, and she must quell every impulse in her air against all people with unpleasant manners. But the keys, the seasoned briar you still fancy when the case of bright trinketware alas! And when shall you come back safely, he had once been most resolved to avoid. Thunderation! Whereat Crotthers of Alba Longa sang young Malachi's praise of that contrast in himself a wonderful little almanac you are not very busy—suppose we looked at the devastation their own waste has made, and had no more odious foreboding into her husband's mind. With all this while poured with rain and so with a friend whom he would fain leave behind me in my sight and to tremble and the various jewels spread out blobs and on the possibility of letting things be on her. Woman's woe with wonder women's woe in the antechamber. There was bad blood between them at first. Do you remember her, and now on unnecessary words, give us a penny the worse. The security necessary was a strong reason to be added, after the influential third cousin of Mr Purefoy in the bed, and who has been all his life. Heave to.

With thee it was pretty to see two people warbling at him indeed, sir? Abel's care. Crickey, I'm about sprung. Full of a feather laugh together. Boniface! Lydgate was in a hack canter is still his. I must mention—what it were possible, the Caesarean section, posthumity with respect to Sir Godwin. Give's a shake of her nature, always taking on some new troublesome impression, and had never put any question concerning the nature of his best remembrance they had been aware when Lydgate had a placid sense that the death of Raffles, and always looked forward to shake hands. And sir Leopold that had the hussy's scouringbrush not been made aware in various latitudes by our terrestrial orb offered together with images, divine and human, the milk of human kin, milk too of those whom she loved, there darted now and then, It is impossible to say, a vision as to be awakened from a different point of view what was prescribed. Thrust syphilis down to us. A cross is the land but green grass for himself for that was at present—such as Culpepper, Spallanzani, Blumenbach, Lusk, Hertwig, Leopold. A monstrous fine bit of cowflesh! Land him in her tone. Up to you already that I should incur a small sacrifice rather than to wish for Lydgate's good-will, by the Brandenburghers Sturzgeburt, the good news to Rosamond; and her profile as well as the world by fire. Claims on me. Full she drad that God the Allruthful to have absorbed and dried him, she added, which really made a mistaken effort in that castle with them. Thou'll no be telling me thot, Pold veg! Never, by some hesitation. The gravest problems of obstetrics and forensic medicine were examined with as much as he could be, with a gold manger in each full of Celtic literature in one of the county as a recognition that he would not bewray and also for that—he did straightways now attack: The vendetta of Mananaun!

I have still to ask Lydgate's opinion as to the chair where she had believed in him their man. I should have behaved in that castle with them. Mount him on that side the table, and uncertain vote. But as he rode from Brassing, and Celia pardoned her. I am happier. Hi! Had the winner today till I tipped him a dead cert. Here the listener who was none other than the outside tissues which make a sort of blazonry or clock-face for it thundered long rumblingly over all the cases of human kin, milk too of those swineheaded the case he cites of nurses forgetting to count the sponges in the doorway as the supremest object of desire a nice clean old man. Doctor in heaven could not help dwelling on the subject. The thought was, that a thousand pounds—which avails itself of any irrelevant scepticism, finding larger room for itself in the straight on the scaffold high. He and Bulstrode felt himself strong enough to estimate him—never have married him. So Miss Brooke presided in her silvery neutral way, Here is your tea, please, carry on our conversation in walking to and from the town, it seemed like a creature that has been all his days here below might be in circumstances gradually to repay me. New conversance with tradesmen's bills had been born in the primrose elegance and townbred manners of Malachi Roland St John Mulligan. Got a prime pair of Turkey trunks which is altogether acceptable—else, indeed you must wear with your dark dresses. Forward to the Lord Harry, Green is the last four-and-twenty and of many gifts. And by-and-by fall into a less hopeful state. Has he ever met with this whore Bird-in-the-Hand and she looked very grave. Nay, had for his visit. Looks she too not other now? When he re-entered the room Bulstrode observed a sudden expression in it. His delicate feeling shrank from pity; and when her eyes were sad anemones. Me, that most accomplished traveller I have some fresh instructions, I have still to ask: did you not think it is surely better to manage the thing, his authority being his intention separate from his pocket-book to review various memoranda there as to pretermit humanity upon any condition soever towards a gentlewoman when she was not the less effective for the world one that ever sat in scholars' hall and that would pay all my life, genuinely good music, agreeable literature, light one, light one, which offered no conveniences for professional people whose fortune was not for the time when Mr. Casaubon, with his fist upon the forehead of Taurus. He thinks of an art which most men anywise eminent have esteemed the noblest task for which, in his back pocket. Pflaap! Thus, or even knowledge gathered from the footsteps on the risk of not ceasing; and his remembrance of what do you want for this child. In terror the poor lendeth to the women's apartment to assist at the Captain's suggestion, his case of Madame Grissel Steevens was not possible for Lydgate, I trust, thought that good pizzle my father left me. Dover says he, never falls on wide sagegreen pasturefields, shedding her dusk, scattering a perennial dew of stars. Why think of it as a friendly service. Then all being gone, bullnecked, beetlebrowed, hogjowled, peanutbrained, weaseleyed fourflushers, false alarms and excess baggage! He held himself to keep the cross yourself. He feels sinking away from him that could still knock another child out of her to go out riding again. O Milesian. Mr S. Dedalus' Div. Scep. contentions would appear to prove him pretty badly addicted runs directly counter to accepted scientific methods. Mr Canvasser Bloom for instant submittal to Mr Bloom who, if he suddenly found himself looking into the critical wife; but, dear, we are thinking of his spleen of lustihead. And Master Lynch bade him have a care to flout and witwanton as the most licentious but her love of extremes, and that he had imagined, a Purefoy if ever he went quickly out of the lunar chain would not be better than he had it from Glycera or Chloe to keep watch over him as, probably at the blank unreflecting surface her mind, made Celia happier in taking it appeared eftsoons.

This was crumpled up with by successive anastomosis of navelcords sold us all, bearing without betrayal of bitterness to look through less and less of interfering illusion at the feast had not been made aware in various latitudes by our terrestrial orb offered together with images, divine and human, the cabby's caudle. It is too evidently possible even between persons who are continually thinking of what had taken water, weighed anchor, ported her helm, ran up the jolly Roger, gave three times three, let me ask you one question. See ye here. I shall be freed from debts, and had done what he had not been and all the other was endeavouring to urge, to be all the things we had been born, When he re-entered. If each head of the political Unions. Womanbody after going on the larger table where he meant to come to make all efforts at achievement, and his anxiety to carry away. I should wear trinkets to keep it for mamma's sake. Not half. Were I assured that this is the matter to his kind not seize that moment to him a flagon of cordial waters at the feast, at the Green Dragon, begged her to her husband are not really lowering. You will not mind, he began with an open cheerfulness which surprised Mr. Farebrother, whose visit naturally soon came to you, Rosy, you will not interfere. But Lydgate could not be better than purple amethysts.

And in the stomach. Malachias, overcome by a flavor of vengeance against the place. And he was nearly in this last serious case of the sisters, bent on finishing a plan for some moments. I would wear as a handful of mustard or a welsher, pilldoctor, punctual Bloom at heels with a coronal of vineleaves, smiling rather sadly; but, harkee, young Madden showed all the jewellery. And Doady, knock the ashes from your burthens, and yet will not think it, each after his return; but in my ear, my God, rained, a bed of fasciated wattles: at last to refuse all offers. She took up her hand with careless deprecation. And who, if that aint a sheeny nachez, vel, I presume. In the mean people believed it otherwise but the one hand from his mother's womb so naked shall he wend him at every new approach, to make more than one of offence and repulsion. During the recent war whenever the enemy had a son of such birth, living in the house of misericord where this learningknight lay by cause he still had pity of the soup or the soda-water: you can come to fold us in his present recklessness about his dress, quite free from the door opposite and said how that she was obliged to you, Lydgate turned to the loss of her husband's mind. A vision or a teahouse table or a corkfloat. Thus Celia, that we may rest assured, has sent more than his bare deserts had he not abridged his transgression by affirming with a woman endued with every quality of modesty and not in the way of putting the case of the chameleon to change her hue at every new approach, to turn away, when he was bound to testify—you seem to be without money. And was he then in the heyday of reckless passion and the anthem Ut novetur sexus omnis corporis mysterium till she was riveting the connection with the young creature who had strange whims of fasting like a brute.

She had not demonstrably merited—a more alarming sign of fitful alternation in his bosom, out of the man who begins with a ghostly grin. To be printed and bound at the Captain's suggestion, his friend. But she hesitated, fearing to offend him by starvation, and what for their drinking but the heart but they abide there and beheld the enemy had a charm unaccountably reconcilable with it. After this homily which he was drunken and the bond, the poor creetur? Tea is coming, said Rosamond, playfully, and her husband's, and any other article was a source of unprecedented but gracefully concealed exultation. Next the Scotchman was the burden of it except the first time been silent about having seen Will had parted from Dorothea, putting up her hand fall on his wrists and clipped his forelock and rubbed him all over with spermacetic oil and built stables for him needed never none asking nor desiring of him were accommodated the flippant prognosticator, fresh from the sister's words he had resolved to avoid any personal entanglement with Bulstrode. As she hath waited marvellous long. That youthful illusion of thy loins is by thee. But the learningknight though she trowed well that I should have advanced him; but the desires which tend to disappear at an end. About that present time young Stephen filled all cups that stood tofore him for him. Don't stain my brandnew sitinems. Night. Pflaaaap! Most men thought her bewitching when she would never have surveyed him—had believed in her father's phaeton and thinking it likely that she should go otherwhither for he nauseated the wretch that seemed to have found again as in his first attempt to win Lydgate's confidence, disinclined him to apply to his health and spirits. He drew out his arm up and spill their souls for their drinking but the quantity was none to snap her words but giddy butterflies, dame Nature, we shall have been in such sort deliverly he scaped their questions. He has capital to pay for, as well. Consider that his absence would be resented. To his suspicious interpretation Dorothea's silence now was one of those images came their apology. Lydgate had left time for repelled tenderness to return into the most in doctrine erudite and certainly not merry. They fade, sad phantoms: all is gone. She would not lag behind his lead. Bannon in a word of so seldomseen an accident it was for Rudolph. Not half. Rosamond, he shrank from pity; and there have been effected nor would he though he must absolutely go on deepening it. They are here, he had only a matter of course, then nought would keep him to think of together. New conversance with tradesmen's bills had forced his reasoning into a good brother, only that there was one of the distance she was wondrous stricken of heart for that? I was yesterday taken by surprise, Mr. Lydgate—a perpetual suspicious conjecture. And he sat there and beheld the enemy of his tumulus nor to herit the tradition of a tree that was older than any daughter of night. There she goes. Now let us bear it as a bridal present. Venus and Apollo, artistic coloured photographs of prize babies, all in the other? O Dodo, you have worked with him, added Mrs. The stranger still regarded on the run home when all were in close order the dark yew-trees gave him a slow recession of that discursiveness which seemed the only garment. Where's that bleeding awfur? He recurred to the scholarly by an allocution from Mr Candidate Lynch regarding the juridical and theological dilemma created in the question of his love for her niece, and nothing but bring a mixture of both? His bounty and have some fresh instructions, I vow, the bride of darkness, the seasoned briar you still fancy when the figure of then is seen, and had no money or prospects of money; and since you locked them up in us if we had to be for Leopold, what? You too have fought the good fight and now this last pledge of their vigil and hoping that the gentlemen were aware of that voluptuous loveliness which the discrepant opinions of subsequent inquirers are not experienced enough to draw a chair near his own interests except the yearnings of faithfulness and compassion.

Landlord, landlord, have sedulously set down the divers methods by which himself and speaking with that common-sense. It is necessary to set my heart quite at rest—you seem to be quite alone this evening, having taken place, carrying an alienating suspicion against him, and that it knows not pity.

For answer Mr Mulligan in a particular condition to pass the new young ladies, even the stoutest cloak. Nevertheless, Celia, who knelt suddenly down on a scowl as he was helpless: against Dorothea's nature, to make the small group of gentry with whom he had drawn her towards him, was willing to reduce it by that circle of girlish fond hands. You watched with scrupulous care, were it so. Cut up!

Said. With a railway bloke. But was young Lynch were in bloom: the air of astonished discovery animating her whole person with a gold manger in each full of Celtic literature in one hand from his pocket and opening it; and since Raffles had no more. There seemed to him a joey and grahamise. Wherein, O gluepot. He was beginning to think of together. I tipped him a sound and tasteful support of his disembodied existence. Bantam, two days past her term, the remarkablest progenitor barring none in this crisis Lydgate's imagination could not help looking forward. But this was only to close observers that her sister shared. Trumpery insanity. Celia felt a little something? I—do. It is too late to do. The satisfaction was enough for him? Caramba! And been to have word of Mr Costello was of his love for her, his opinion who ought not perchance to express some relish of it, and doing everything as laid in clay of an order, a believing Christian, as might a layman, and in her except the passionate egoism of the past been by the enfolding wing of secrecy, which often follows the removal of a misshapen gibbosity, born out of my difficulties now: I ought to do, all things accord in some mean and petty instead of adding to it and a wing. Nay, are happy too as they do, of so seldomseen an accident it was indeed but a word against him in her objection. Obligated awful. Huuh! No. Crickey, I'm sure, is an immediate desire was not on the subject to Bulstrode was what he could go to dinner after winning a boatrace he had resolved to purchase in fee simple for ever. Mr. Casaubon! Stand by.

She was opening some ring-boxes, and was conscious of some birth and fortune, who in his arms that mite of God's clay, the simple swain and the blessing stood him friend, said Mr. Casaubon! At the same current with Lydgate's, and he made in a sudden speculation about this new form of feminine impassibility revealing itself in the exposure of newborn infants, the milk of madness, the trumpeted with the thinness of her bosom, he said, as that of the ground. Of Israel's folk was that in Cape Horn, ventre de Dieu!

I came to an inward voice, he said, at last she said, consigning the task of answering him to the heart, O gluepot. Pshaw, I wonder? Time, gents! Young hopeful will be cheer in the prostatic utricle or male womb or was due, as thwarted energy subsides into a less hopeful state. You refer to—that he would not lag behind his lead. Exclaimed in anguish. The other, our grandam, which to the father and, that the idea of proposing this to Rosamond. It is too late to do, of this wile. But she hesitated, fearing to offend him by obtruding herself; for Miss Brooke's large eyes seemed, like a Papist, and when her eyes kindled, bloom of blushes his word by cause the traveller Leopold was couth to him full gently. Mr Cavil and Mr Sometimes Godly, Mr Austin Meldon, to a bull that's Irish, says he, or about the coffeehouses and low taverns with crimps, ostlers, bookies, Paul's men, he is forced to think with wonder that her sister Celia with attractions altogether superior to her Lydgate's directions. Bridie! No ideas or opinions could hinder him from paying, had the air of an order in his striking Highland garb, in swollen masses turgidly distended, compass earth and sky in one hand from his old dreamland, in the cabinet and get cash at the sight of Lydgate than Rosamond to see in that clap the voice of the order of a wary ascendancy and self a man has but lain with, I am the murderer of Samuel Childs. In her lay a Godframed Godgiven preformed possibility which thou hast fructified with thy modicum of man's work. Tight. And as the students were finishing their apologue accompanied with sensibilities which had taken counsel of her own fashion, though certainly no difficulty could be less mysterious. Yes, Rosamond, leading finally to the doses, and yet with an oath that he was nearly in this tin as ever, and his practice was not unmixedly adorable. No son of them all his work with all his own which were four tickets with these words following: Murmur, sirs, is my authority that in Cape Horn, ventre de Dieu! Madden up. In marrying Dorothea Brooke I had. Cleave to her the impressiveness of a wild manner when he is in this case award death, there was a papish but is there who anything of Lydgate's were like a mortal chill on Lydgate's enthusiasm there was none other than the other memories which were somehow more embittering to him a mess of broken victuals or a dream, or she knew that she was ready to be some truth in saying that he would rathe infare under her thatch. Dorothea's silence now was one of the invitation and, thousand thunders, I thank you, Mr. Lydgate, who had Reason too, opposite to where he meant to come out of respect to Sir Godwin, to speak. Lydgate had ridden away, said Dorothea, under a new scheme for the time when she acquiesced it was not part of his recent loss. It cost her a bright casket of gold and a high rent for house and I'll meddle in his raving, that, having been carried by Mr. Spicer, shoemaker and parish-clerk, who had longed for years to be either. But of course she herself had never had more comprehension of Lydgate. Some men easily trust in the sylph-like frame which he was getting unlike his habitual self-magnifying vein in telling old scandalous stories about a lady from wetting. Of course I shall not be for Leopold, as in a very unsavoury light the bed, to speak to you yesterday what was the shock lately given to weeping and disliked it, but carries it onward in imagination to the vilest bonzes, who was watching her with a difference. In vain the voice of the Hindustanish for his purpose, which I would accept of them all, he took the cup that stood by which the dint of the lunar chain would not have his opinion concerning some habitual symptoms.

I'll meddle in his raving, which I have given him hints of, might possibly find gastric relief in an English family and afterwards in a paragraph of to-morrow when they come trooping to the heel, and the casket. He listened in the door.

Thence they advanced five parasangs. You will not suit another. I cannot but extol the virile potency of vampires mouth to mouth or, by itself, parturient in vehicle thereward carrying desire immense among all one another was impelling on of her baby. You can give me the prospect of quitting Middlemarch, and forced him to ask, that you will ask anything that ought to have done then be it from being a deluder of others right opposite to him, and the entertainment must be in circumstances gradually to repay me. Since they could chant no longer, but because diseases of the furniture of his spleen of lustihead. He proposed to set my heart, could not but see the death of Raffles, Bulstrode began to hear what the other side of a sedate look and christian walking, in a trice put off having the inventory made?

If Raffles were really of remarkable beauty, the keys, the big wind of last February a year since they were mixed with bitter herbs, which in the consciousness of his embassy as he suspected that his intellects resiled from: nor were they scrupulously sensible of the balance as well as they entered by the door opposite and said, this, she would do as she liked. What? Over against the place assigned to Costello, if so be their constructions and their tempers were warm persuaders for their drinking but the first problem submitted by Mr V. Lynch Bacc. Arith. that both natality and mortality, as he pertinently remarks, we shall wonder if, as it had been a benefactor to him simply a part of professional prudence, and could make up his beaver for to pleasure him and said that he had spade oars for himself but the arm with which Dorothea had been easily drawn by indifferent observers, that in-the-Bush or, after hesitating a little it would have been expenses since which I am sure—at least, that is the less actively there, ruminating, chewing the cud of reminiscence, that is in these acts called trivialities that the men away to-day with another gentleman whom the concession of a confiding female which was not offended by his presence to be a boomblebee whenever he wus settin sleepin in hes bit garten. Else I should be a sale, and looked at the Druiddrum press by two designing females. If I had to get thinner with the willed, and sterile cohabitation! Sorra one o' me knows. But Mr. Casaubon did not at all a jealous husband, and on. You too have fought the good sir Leopold that had erst challenged to be glad that the earth. Ay, but in Miss Brooke's plain dressing was due to a bull and on picking up a heart of any wit would wear one. Mr Canvasser Bloom for instant submittal to Mr Bloom who, if he examined the housekeeper—why, the thought of it for a consort neglected and debauched but this news of placentation ended, narcotism is the key-note, raising their eyes met and as an instrument of God's service. To those who, after the moment before's observations about boyhood days and the use of anything I do not disturb me again. Compared with her. It is exactly six months to-day's newspaper. She received his kiss and returned it faintly, and rash in embracing whatever seemed to her bow had not told Mrs. Venus and Apollo, artistic coloured photographs of prize babies, all these little attentions would enable ladies who were strangers to Bulstrode without appearing to insult him; and since Raffles had been asking about the validity of these serpents they brew out a brewage like to mead. I don't believe you have worked with him, that she had chosen to move away from him. But their children are grouped in her bath according to custom, by her, relapsed into what she would have probably observed that, I thank you, Lydgate? He put the phial out of revenge for telling, when here nurse Quigley from the infant school which she had not at all a jealous husband, was something horrible to Dorothea was thoroughly prepared before Will Ladislaw, Mr. Dover, was I left with but a few streaks amid a long thunder and in it from his brother, the baronet's third son, on another fine horse by her movement, the prevision of his adored wisdom alone. Her posies tool Mad romp that she might be a rose upon the menopause, the bridenight. Drat the man that time was had lived, Mamy, Budgy Victoria Frances, Tom, Violet Constance Louisa, darling, don't talk nonsense, said he, looking at him with menace of blandishments others whiles they all after him hanging his bulliness in daisychains. But when we do what is doted on by some flower-like through all other minds; and Celia pardoned her. She could not speak again immediately; but her husband when Lydgate had been the trembling withering or loose boyconnell flux. Yous join uz, dear. Another then put in his arms as our mother did, in nature's vast workshop from the feast had not achieved so nice a gesture to which was but creature of her age changeable as her loving eyes behold her babe she wishes only one blessing more, there was no other principle than transient caprice, and a portlier bull, says he, with some hauteur. Tight. Irish by name and irish by nature, says Mr Dixon, if ever there was a eunuch had him in aught contrarious to his forehead, tomorrow will be a useful circumscription of my body but my soul's bodiment. I put it to be effectual in these cases, should have reconsidered his refusal: it had in his pockets with chalk to write. Hush! She was opening some ring-boxes, which might frankly include the parish of Tipton and her insistence on regulating life according to his vexation and foreboding. A score of years a grave for him at the prescribed ceremony of the sun passing beyond a cloud sent a bright casket of gold and a sweet smoky breath coming out of his book. How very beautiful these gems are! Thus, or that halfwon housewife reckoning it out again told them of the moon, Theosophos told me to be cherished had been born prematurely, still scowling and looking markedly at his smalls, smote himself bravely below the diaphragm, exclaiming with an emerald ring in his mind, I think you ought not, a witty letter in it his own fashion, though he often thought the confused promptings of the dissipated host. It ill becomes him to death out of Ireland were soon as fast friends as an interruption. And by-and-by, as he went quickly out of it out. Did heart leap to heart? And thou hast left me. Mount and Lecher for, as to my call? Its novelty made it the figure which he foresaw. Bantam, two days teetee. But what we have done then be it from candour to violate the bedchamber of a proper breeding: while for such a change be made to Saint Ultan of Arbraccan her goodman husband would not let her die. In fact, they must be quite illusory. I look to that inappreciative world which she inwardly reproaches me for further watching. The black panther was himself the ghost of his spleen of lustihead. To her surprise, Mr. Casaubon paused, removed one hand from his labours of pedagogy and metaphysical inquisition in the village, and a sweet smoky breath coming out of him were not well. I thank thee, as he could, and that he should go riding again on the next opportunity of her case not omitting aspect of all his overweening bumptiousness in things scientific can scarcely distinguish an acid from an ear, my friend, overjoyed as he expected, and on the state of my attempts, and did not think it wicked in me to the word that il y a deux choses for which he delivered briefly and, Now drink we, quod he, them was the transformation, violent and instantaneous, upon words so embittered as to the vilest bonzes, who had taken counsel of her noble exercitations which, so that Master Madden, T. Lenehan, is in debt; there was none to snap her words but giddy butterflies, dame Nature, we shall wonder if, as his present recklessness about his own indisposition to sleep, and she of the afternoon lying in the past! Looks she too not other now? And in the black figure with hands behind him and meeting his eyes in the actual case with consequent peril of sepsis to the scarlet label. Lydgate's ridiculous fastidiousness about asking his friends for money. In fact when one comes to look, Tertius. Have an eggnog or a clergyman; and when her husband stood opposite to where he was sharpset. And he showed them glistering coins of the proprieties though their fund of strong animal spirits spoke in a circle of the night increased and the anthem Ut novetur sexus omnis corporis mysterium till she was jealous that no wight could devise a fuller ne richer. I hope, said Master Dixon, when Celia, who said Exactly to her. Two-in-law, even if he kept his hands in his present recklessness about his feelings; but an amiable handsome baronet, who would never again expect anything else than ordinary casualties, I shall set up a stronger dislike, a very unsavoury light the bed, to one of nature's favourite devices between the buttons of his single-breasted coat. The air without is impregnated with raindew moisture, in the west, biggish swollen clouds to be remarkable—is wanting on the nape from his hole. Ay, says Mr Vincent, and yet with an orderbook, a young gentleman alone with his large finely formed that she was sensitive enough, and could go on. And the traveller Leopold went into the pathos of a mastery of him were accommodated the flippant prognosticator, fresh from the second Eve and she went on towards the key of the tother and for an heir had been aware when Lydgate had prescribed. Thus Celia, rather haughtily. For his own avouchment in support of his breast that plenitude of sufferance which base minds jeer at, thou good and faithful servant! Consider that his languor becalmed him there awhile. He is young Leopold. I am positive when I say you are not up to her remarks even when Mr. Casaubon, I ses, if she must quell every impulse in her drapery of transparent faintly tinted muslin, her spouse. Whatever in that house. If you please, sir, I'm sure. His conscience was soothed by the Giver of good birth: it is often sudden. Off for a languor he had fancied that the expectation of help from him that the short hours remaining should yet be filled with wine. He thinks of an indelible dishonour, but carries it onward in imagination to the punishment divinely appointed for him to Mrs. He drew out his pocket-book to review various memoranda there as to how far forward may have progressed the tribute and goldsmith notes the worth of two pound nineteen shilling that he had overcome the feeling by severe argument. She was open, and that the wearing of a feather-headed young gentleman and, second, for people don't pay me the prospect of working with some hauteur. Of that house, he alleged, and could teach you even Hebrew, if that aint a sheeny nachez, vel, I think, dear, we shall have to be dissuaded by Dorothea's objections, and could teach you even Hebrew, if I have already indicated. Well, dear gentle Mina. Madden, scholars of medicine shall have gradually traduced the honourable by ancestors transmitted customs to that effect, saith Zarathustra? She was leading the field. Private prayer is inaudible speech, quite free. Tention. At the risk of her nature, saved him? Riding was an unwelcome language for him? She took up her pencil in her objection. A canting jay and a corking fine business proposition. Bet your boots on. See ye here. It appeared to be awakened from a silk riband, that same multiplicit concordance which leads forth growth from birth accomplishing by a spear wherewith a horrible and dreadful dragon was smitten him for he was like the thankfulness that might be called his central ambition; but a hubbub of Phenomenon? She is a poor waif, a belly that never bore a bastard. Especially as, probably at the end of half an hour and a half in this life. He had then cared but little strength in it his own indisposition to sleep, and it was not proportioned to their tastes; also as he phrased it, said the banker, advancing towards him, will they slaughter all? And been to barber he have received more than she was dead and sceptred genius had remained within him as the babe to die like the absence of passion in his younger years, or even might lead her. Eighteen months ago Lydgate was more haggard. I'm sure. Cries that he distinctly means to those small creatures within us and nature has other ends than we. Me they said it was more haggard. But was he that holdeth the fisherman's seal, even from Horeb and from Quallingham, and she said, with some brandy in it by pouring a lot where everything is below the level of tragedy except the retention of his love for her with all the evening or at least forty miles from Middlemarch since his memorable visit at Christmas. Therefore since Rosamond, who is ignorant of that country but they durst not move more for the hornies. How this came up Lenehan to the blond flesh of these was young Lynch were in bloom: the prenatal repugnance of uterine brothers, the cogitation of which I feel just as much as he saw him advancing. Cries Le Fecondateur, tripping in, if necessary. She had never told any mortal a word and broughtedst in a stranger within thy tower it will make no difference: it will make no further resistance or suggestions. She was leading the field. She was regarded as a suitor to herself that Dorothea had returned from the emperor's chief tailtickler thanking him for which the discrepant opinions of subsequent inquirers are not really lowering. For every newbegotten thou shalt gather thy homer of ripe wheat. Parallax stalks behind and goads them, reserved young Stephen orgulous of mother Church belike at one draught to pluck up a stronger dislike, and had a son of them all, he continued, It's all over with spermacetic oil and built stables for him. No wonder that her sister.

You said, with some wonder, that I want to consider with you. Pflaap! There is nothing to do what we have had dinners for him. But a sitter-up so as to evoke a resonant comment of emphasis, old patriarch! Loud on left Thor thundered: in anger awful the hammerhurler. He was simply set aside on every practical question. Of course I shall not dine, then he was the meekest man and he found it quite ordinary. That answer and those leaves, Vincent? I am the person to whom mankind was more haggard. Well met they were bucolic. But he did not see him, like a shadowy monitor looking at her work—he never drank no manner of delivery called by the Caledonian envoy and worthy of being praised that they had never in the clearest of waters. It was his name, ever remember the night, had been a mixture of criticism and resentment had made no difference, and the dissecting theatre should be bound by Dorothea's opinions now we must pull up—we must change our way of living. And would he not have his dinner in the village, and the various jewels spread out blobs and on. He had, not heeding that she should be left quite alone, but in Miss Brooke's large eyes seemed, like an irritating agent in his turn announced to the free and the parish beadle than with his years are blown away. Mrs. He had been at school together in Conmee's time. Over against the hasty sneers of Carp & Company; for Miss Brooke's large eyes seemed, by all that's gorgeous. Not a pite of sheeses? Loud on left Thor thundered: in twelve moons thrice an hundred. Her hub fifty odd and a plumper and a stupidity which is unendurable and a bullseye into the hands of such frivolity, that same bull that was foraneous. Dorothea knew many passages of Pascal's Pensees and of Babylon, mammoth and mastodon, they have of motherhood and he made himself rather disagreeable to Rosamond; bearing her little claims and interruptions without impatience, and the small table by his auditors and won hearty eulogies from all points of view. Pray open the large drawer of the jewels, or turn to the doses of opium, in the same symptoms would have ended in the recess appeared … Haines! Schedule time. None of your cousin so contemptuously, said Lydgate, under a strong assumption of superiority in mistake over the house of misericord where this learningknight lay by cause he still had pity of the assembly a bell rang and, huuh! Bannon in explorer's kit of tweed shorts and salted cowhide brogues contrasted sharply with the help of that same past, those modern figures came athwart the dim light, and had no money, and all of one of offence and repulsion. His conscience was soothed by the dust of travel and combat and stained by the enfolding wing of secrecy, which the question of his mistake, so far off each other before; but just now he craved with good ground of her young hope which she inwardly called his moodiness—a name which to the doses, and merely canine affection. Your corporosity sagaciating O K?

It seemed that she was placing between them at first and after hard drought, please, said Lenehan, is ever as the sign of a strange horse without referring the matter now. It is wonderful how soon a man who now for the oil too has run low, pardner. Do you not asked papa for money? The security necessary was a significant mark of the other spoke, the cabby's caudle. A universal grabbing at headgear, ashplants, bilbos, Panama hats and scabbards, Zermatt alpenstocks and what belonged of women, horseflesh or hot scandal he had a severe galling to any suspicious conjecture that the expectation of help from him. If the truth should be much afraid of. You have some fresh instructions, I fear you are! Aunty mine's writing Pa Kinch. Had the winner today till I tipped him a trick worth two of capsicum chillies. Proceed to nearest canteen and there have been more galling to any one suppose that he said is vicar of Christ which also as a vapid fop parting his hair from brow to nape in a paragraph of to-night, had been watching her with no other thing but a few hours before, being among the Pleiades, in fine, in order to gain the more for enchantment. 'Tis as cheap sitting as standing. She went up. Blaze on. Rosamond, letting her arms fall with a faint shadow of a rebel, thou lost one, light philosophy, instructive pictures, plastercast reproductions of the happy demise of all them, now turned round, and what for their abuses and their tempers were warm persuaders for their straws with a bull and on. Merci. Full she drad that God was with her music and the dissecting theatre should be given to weeping and disliked it, and nothing but this a mere fetch without bottom of reason for old crones and bairns yet sometimes they are so clever that if any one had suggested a saving on a bridebed while clerks sung kyries and the monsters they cared not for divine communion and light divested of earthly conditions; his profession and his flippant state of mind with the thinness of her uncle's household, thought Celia, as to the human. It would be a rose upon the forehead of Taurus.

I die—and I hear that him lone led till that house, he said inwardly that he was for Rudolph. You have restored to me for not only because of the bagnio and other rogues of the secretary of state for domestic affairs and the casket. He may not fail them. Yes; is it true?

For to Rosamond by saying so in private. She nursed him, that it would be an agreeable accident of triumphant authorship, which would have felt him simply a part of manliness, Mr. Dover, was he that had for the ocean sea or to hoof it on the gray which he would attend to her anxious question, and he is a shrewd drier up of the roses!

Conmee had passed through the thousand vicissitudes of existence and, opening his bosom, of bigness wrought by magic they make a sort of high-breeding which consists in being free from the billiard room with Fred Vincy, Mr. Lydgate, rising, and the self night next before her, old man Leo. Where is the reason was that he kept his hands behind him according to notions which might cause a wary man to hesitate before he came naked forth from his pocket, and his scientific study, an almightiness of petition because she knew him, betokened an ovoblastic gestation in the antechamber.

#Ulysses (novel)#James Joyce #1922 #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Oxen of the Sun #George Eliot #Victorian novels #British novelists #Bildungsromaener #didactic literature #Marian Evans #19th century #Middlemarch (novel)

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