#CHILDHOOD TO PRESENT THIS SONG EMBODIES HER

[stopbuggingm3]

finding a song that fits one of my ocs and letting it consume my life for the next three days has become one of my all time favourite activities

[zorilleerrant]

Here's to the Other One, He'd Be Here If He Could

@flashfictionfridayofficial

It was a dark and stormy night, Skip always started, so it was fitting, sort of, that thunderstorms rocked the castle, even if it was the night before the wedding. Skip would've been beside himself. He loved a good thunderstorm – after that story, how could he not? – but he loved weddings more, and, as they raise a glass, it feels like his spirit's embodied more in people muttering “shame about the wedding” than his portrait.

It's definitely fitting that they're drunk. But then, that's why they're here, crowded into Chance's childhood bedroom, singing at the top of their lungs. Kicked out, and it wasn't even closing, but at least they don't have to go home. Not that home strictly exists anymore, for most of them.

Toss up whether Skip would be more relieved that Chance was finally over him, or jealous Trixie was. It's the unanswerable question Andi's pretty sure they're all hung up on, even though they don't want to say it. It's easier to mourn, here, next to lightning streaking up and down past giant panes of handcrafted glass. Suitably dramatic. Harder in a sports bar when they never once saw him with a beer in hand, watching the game.

Well. Lots of beers. Lots of games. It's still hard to think of Skip in the modern world. It's hard to even think of each other in the modern day, a lot of the time, platinum albums and news reports and whatever the thing with the cult was aside. Even with the backdrop of a coffeeshop they all seem misplaced, but here, with their sarcastic finery by ancient stone watching the rain that everyone else has watched since the dawn of time, they seem at home again.

Ignoble, getting hit by a truck. Andi would wonder how the rest of them will die, but that's morbid, and it isn't the time for it. The Heart probably wouldn't tell them, anyway, so why would she ask?

It's been a hell of a time setting up a memorial, anyway. Probably it would've been easier if they'd planned it, except no one wanted to say, so it was just Melody snapping and saying what everyone was thinking again, and then dragging them all for karaoke.

Not that it worked. To get at any of his favorite songs, they'd need to remember how to play the lute, how to sing in tune when only one of them even practiced since. Or else they'd need to find a way to access that other timeline, and, what, are they going to summon scores that never were? Would they even be compatible with the technology here and now? Better to just hum the half remembered tune and scream the chorus off key together.

Better to get drunk and sing what they remember, and not care if it's one song or a thousand all mixed up.

Melody is fixing Trixie's hair. Andi takes a moment to discern if something happened to it to need fixing, or if it's just a bridesmaid thing. Except they aren't bridesmaids this time, because it's a state wedding, and there's a whole thing. But that's just all the more reason to fix her hair before any of the cameras catch her.

Andi's pretty sure they all looked presentable on their way back here.

They were stumbling and shrieking and laughing and sobbing, but they looked presentable. She's pretty sure she's in designer something, but it's not as comfortable as her formal gowns used to be. She knows she wasn't scratching at it, though. It doesn't even itch the way the wards do, so many places, and here she's probably got diplomatic immunity or whatever.

They've ordered the dancingberry tart, even though none of them like it. It was his favorite. They won't have made it right, anyway, because even with the berries reintroduced it'll be years before people have it down again, and Andi thinks the chefs might never have even seen one before. Trixie should've brought hers. Some of them knew Skip. They'd know how to make his dessert.

Anyway, it was a dark and stormy night, and he was caught out of doors, because he didn't always pay attention to the time in those days, and he rushed for home, but the familiar paths of the forest curved and twisted before him, and soon he was lost as he had never been before. It was daylight again, though the chase hadn't taken near so long, and a stream burbled, and birds cheered overhead. Thus it was that the Heart began to speak to him and make itself known, and thus it was that he came upon a group of fellow travelers, quite as concerned as him.

[icanseethefuture333]

A reading on

North West

The development of North's character:

Channeled song:

Rush Hour by Mac Miller

Pain by PinkPantheress

North is exactly how she presents herself - she is mischievous, a prankster, silly, creative, authentic, and honest. North enjoys being herself and does not like following trends but setting them herself. She is someone who will follow to the beat of her drum and not care what people think. North is comfortable voicing her opinion even if people think it's wrong, since it is hers and that is her right to express that. North is not afraid to speak her mind and intimidates other people in a room with her creative ideas. She will take both her parents' determination and artistic passion and turn it into something greater. Visionary is reverse so this is the shadow attribute she will embody. It is possible as she gets older, she will grow more reserved from the celebrity lifestyle and will see the negatives of it. North could be sensitive about her artwork and feel no matter what she does, people will criticize her. This is sad :(. As North gets older, her energetic personality might calm down as she gets older but this is due to the comments people make about her. North will eventually hear and see everything people said about her in childhood (calling her "crazy" and "bratty child"), thus staying out of the spotlight. People will way things like "Where is North? We miss her!" And North would think "You guys hated me all my life and now you want me back? You don't even deserve me". It's possible her visions for her art, fashion, etc, will have to be watered down or compromised in order for people to support it because they view it as too "weird" or "complex". North may often experience loneliness because she will be misunderstood by others. In adulthood, it would be necessary for her to heal from this wound in order to be at peace with herself.

The future of North's career:

Channeled song:

Family Ties by Baby Keem ft Kendrick Lamar

Detective is in reverse which means the future of her career will possess the shadow attribute. North might fall victim to people spreading misinformation about her and she could already be experiencing this at a young age. Her parents are very famous and is the first born child, so there is a lot of pressure that she is under. This is disturbing... people have her eyes on her all the time. People want to see her highs and lows. I believe her family has a "bad publicity is still good publicity" mindset as well, so even if North doesn't want a certain news outlet to spread negative propaganda about her, there's nothing people would do to help her. This causes North to experience anxiety and so she is going to be forced to learn how to set boundaries as a child since her family won't do it for her. I believe despite the negative things people say about North, she will use her privileges for good. She might go through a spiritual awakening as she gets older or will have an epiphany about what is her destiny in life. It is possible she will use her privileges to fight for injustice. North could be involved in global politics since there is a map on the Avenger card? Or will do volunteer work in foreign places. Since this character has a mask, I believe she will do this anonymously or in private. North doesn't want to do it for the media, she actually would want to make a difference.

North's relationship with her family:

Channeled song:

My Life by The Walls Group

North could oppose what her family wants her to do in life. They could have expectations of what goals she wishes to pursue and she will refuse this. If North had to have the option of having an inheritance or being independent, she'd choose being independent. She does not want to be controlled especially if her family is morally gray in some areas. In the future, North will be someone who would prefer to live a humble lifestyle and will be compassionate to others. North will be divinely guided in this lifetime, it is possible she has an ancestor(s) that is watching over her. Instead of living the life of glitz and glamor of Hollywood, she will instead desire to help others. I believe North could possibly use her wealth to liberate others? I heard "homelessness". So perhaps she will take a role in the system, similar to Kim. North wants to free herself from her family's traditions and beliefs. I feel strongly that her purpose is to heal generational trauma within the ancestral family.

[almoststardust]

Tavi Gevinson, Fan Fiction: A Satire

We are so trained in the act of holding on. Not just to the slights, the conflicts, the Easter eggs. But to the moment. “I love writing songs because I love preserving memories,” Swift once wrote, “like putting a picture frame around a memory you once had.”

In his essay about Joseph Cornell’s dreamy, diorama-like boxes, Michael Chabon observed that their true content is never the objects inside. “The important thing, in a Cornell box, is the box.” And the important thing in a Taylor Swift song is the frame; that is, the moment of writing; the words: I remember.

Swift’s early music did not just reflect my feelings; it scripted them. She laminated my high school hallways with marks to hit, gazes to hold, pauses to read into. Did a glance linger a hair too long? Did a backpack brush my shoulder on purpose? Obviously there was no way to know; the point was to wonder. I journaled about such encounters with a level of detail so precise that it was almost clinical, even when the sense of potential was infinite. This was the best part, being suspended in mid-air; I wanted any crush to last as long as possible before much interaction could take place; life was not allowed to happen faster than I could write it down.

She embodies the adolescent as defined by psychologist G. Stanley Hall, back in 1904. The first to identify adolescence as a developmental stage, he described it as a state caught between the realms of childhood and adulthood, always looking either back or forward, “haunted by automatic presentations that take the reins from the will and lead us far away in a rapt state, now reminiscent, now anticipatory, into a world of dreams or ghosts.” Or, as Swift sang on her debut, I’m takin’ pictures in my mind so I can save ‘em for a rainy day.

[comraads]

On God and Santa

When I was around five, I asked my mom the dreaded question about Santa Claus. 

She’s recounted the story many times–it’s one of those “look how precocious she was” anecdotes that my family chuckles at. I asked if Santa was real, as many many kids do. My mom was in a bit of a tough spot, because she’d so far decided to parent with total honesty. She’d answered the “where do babies come from” in a very matter of fact, clinical way, but this was different. She was afraid that by telling me the truth, I’d lose something of that childhood joy and wonder. So she did the best she could–she wove a beautiful story about how Santa isn’t a real person, but rather the spirit of Christmas, an ideal that we all embody around the holidays. Santa was in the sound of a jingling bell, the whisper of wintery wind. It was, in my memory, quite poetic.

According to her retelling, I took this all in solemnly, nodding my head. After a small pause, I asked a follow-up question.

“Okay, but who puts the presents under the tree?”

I don’t think that many people realize the parallels between the Santa myth and God—at least from a child’s perspective. I knew by five years old that Santa wasn’t real, and it didn’t cause any kind of crisis in me. I wasn’t sad, I had rather suspected as much for a while. I also understood that I couldn’t say anything to the other children, or even to adults, because doing so would break the spell. 

I viewed God in much the same way. Internally, I knew it was impossible that all the animals in the world fit on a single boat, or that a man had turned water into wine at a wedding. I assumed that the adults–at least most of them–knew this too, and that we were all going along with this whole God thing because, like Santa, it was somehow culturally important to do so. So I did. I went to church and sang the songs, I skipped dinner and breakfast before Fast Sundays, I even bore my testimony. And I began to understand–or at least I thought I did–why God was so important. It gave people meaning, answers, a code to live by. I liked the idea of there being a rulebook, perhaps for obvious reasons, and at that age, I saw the rules of my church as just as reasonable as any other. Do unto others and all that. 

I continued to believe in God the way I “believed” in Santa, all the while assuming that everyone else was doing the same: until the moment when I stopped agreeing with His rules. Once I began to learn how my church thought about people who were different from us, the logical justification for belief failed. How could belief in God be so important if that belief was used to harm other people? On the contrary, it seemed to me that the most ethical thing would be to not believe in God, and to let people live their lives in a way that made them happy. By their own rules.

I tell this story because it’s one of many that, looking back on, makes it obvious that I was always different from other kids. I’ve spent all my life hiding this rich inner world from others, because I learned early on that they wouldn’t understand, or even worse, that what I was, truly, under the surface, somehow bad or wrong. That I didn’t belong. Kids always sniffed it out quickly, but as I got older and the mask grew more sophisticated, I was able to pass mostly unnoticed by neurotypical society. Maybe, if someone had thought to assess me younger, I would be a very different person than I am today. Maybe that would be better; maybe worse. The point is, I have always been like this, from my earliest memories, whether or not it was obvious from the outside.

When I confessed mid-meltdown to my PhD advisor what was happening and why, she responded with “I don’t think you’re autistic—you don’t seem autistic,” and that’s exactly why I’m writing this. I believe there are many people like me out there, who have gone through their life under the assumption that their experience is typical when in fact it is anything but. People who feel deep shame and guilt over who they are because they don’t know that they are overcoming remarkable odds each day by continuing to function (even semi-effectively) in a world that is openly hostile to them. Getting my diagnosis was life-changing for me because I finally understood why I had always struggled with things that seemed simple for others, why I was prone to depressive episodes and burnouts. Most importantly, it gave me the freedom to embrace myself for who I was, to heal long festering emotional wounds, and to seek joy without embarrassment or shame.

Sometimes I envy people who genuinely believe in God. I only realized as an adult how many of them are not pretending, but in fact have a kind of unshaking faith and there's something beautiful in that. I don't think I've ever experienced what people call faith. I think it can be helpful for people to believe in something bigger than ourselves, even if it is a jealous sky daddy. But then I remember the question "who puts the presents under the tree" and I think maybe we shouldn't be so quick to give credit to God for things when all the best--and worst--outcomes of religion have come from people acting in God's name.

[daily-twice-content]

[GRAZIA] Jihyo On 9 Years With TWICE, Her Musical Evolution, And The Artist She Strives To Be

Full article : click here. Some spoilers :

"“Idols’ idol”, “Mic”, “Mother”—Park Jihyo has been bestowed many nicknames and epithets throughout her career. Better known mononymously as Jihyo, the 27‑year‑old leader and main vocalist of the nine‑member K‑pop girl group TWICE (...) in the nine years since, she has remained the embodiment of positivity, poise and power: her vocals are clear and ringing, her choreography is sharp, she beams and radiates energy from stages and through screens, and she communicates a genuine and thorough love of being a star"

“I’ve always dreamed of this career and at one point, I even pictured performing on stage by myself. But I’ve found a great team in TWICE and now, I’m able to be a soloist as well,” she says, “so I can grow as a singer and take my career to the next level.”

“As part of TWICE, I’ve always maintained a bright vocal tone, and now as a soloist, I’m working a lot on presenting a wider range of tones,” shares the singer. “My goal as a solo artiste is to show my voice and my stage presence as being fully me.”

Jihyo also flexed her songwriting chops in Zone—she is credited as the lyricist for five of its seven tracks and contributed to the composition of four. “I wanted my solo album to have a lot of my own touch, so I was involved in the songwriting process as much as possible,” she recounts, adding that that “was the hardest part because I had to prepare the album in the midst of such a busy schedule, but it’s also what I’m proudest about in my solo album”.

And it appears the world is more than ready for Jihyo 2.0. Zone topped South Korea’s Circle Chart (formerly known as the Gaon Chart) the week of its release, and was certified double platinum by the Korea Music Content Association for selling more than half a million copies in South Korea and abroad within two months. Killin’ Me Good, meanwhile, peaked at number seven on Billboard’s World Digital Song Sales chart last September, and earned nominations the following month for Best Dance Performance (Female Solo) as well as Song of the Year at the 2023 Mama Awards. Jihyo herself was also in the running for Best Female Artist at the said show, a major music awards ceremony held annually by South Korean entertainment company CJ E&M.

“I’m most grateful to the members and ONCE, who’ve been with me for almost 10 years,” shares the star, who is recognised as the versatile and all‑round ace of the group who is a master vocalist, dancer, rapper and artiste in general. “These days, I’m thinking a lot about the second act of my life, and about how I can be more valuable to the group and make TWICE shine, and not detract from it.”

“My whole childhood was dominated by this dream … It wasn’t like, ‘I’m going to be a moderately good singer.’ It’s more like, ‘I’m going to be the very type of singer who can do it all.”

(...).

[aestheticvoyage2024]

Day 69a: Saturday March 9, 2024 - "Vi-Lee's Third Birthday"

This post contributed by Audrie after we went to Jess' house for Vi Lee's Birthday party

Wild to process that three full years have now come to pass between the birth of this child and this day. I remember it all well, as I was watching with learning eyes; my long time best friend journeying through pregnancy, labor and birth and into and through the multitude of layers of motherhood just about 12 weeks ahead of my own expedition. Witnessing the beauty in the birth of a mother through this lens — knowing that what was unfolding for her was on deck for me —helped me beyond measure; it has been a bit like owning a crystal ball, giving glimpses of my own future, albeit hazy and unclear, lighting the way to some generalized knowing’s of what is likely to come. Jess and I had this fantasy idea when we were both tracking our first pregnancies a trimester apart from one another about having  this picturesque new life along side one another with our littles in tow and a thriving friendship with frequent visits and support and face to face camaraderie… our reality after the tiny humans arrived was far from this dream. As visits and play dates and coordination of get togethers were far less frequent and far less bountiful than we imagined. And when we did manage to sync our children’s and personal schedules up, we found face to face visits often rushed, and hectic chasing babies, changing diapers, and being generally exhausted and scatter-brained mamas. But if anyone understood me the most and made my motherhood madness more normalized and feel welcome, it was and still is her. And watching Jess and listening to her about this Journey with Vi Lee —on the development scorecards, on the work/life balance, on the edges of the fray and in the depths of the mixture of gratitude, love, and exhaustion that embodies the life of committed mothers, I’m always in awe and learning from her experiences and actions. 

Vi Lee is a brilliant, beyond articulate, sassy, sweet, silly, sturdy young child now. Her bright mind is equally balanced by her strong physical presence. She is stubborn, she is witty, she is playful, and she is generous with her sweet nature. All a reflection of her well rounded parents and their parenting. It’s glorious watching nature and nurture unfold in these little miracles.

And now, with the birth of this second, I get to peer a bit more into that personal crystal ball of mine — watching with learning and curious eyes how Jess again seems to make seamless the transition into being mother of two. Aiven Lane is just two weeks old now as Vi Lee turns three. There were so many magical moments I’ll take with me in my heart and memory from today; William prancing with the older girls in his green dragon wings, the flutter of my heart when William was examining the baby for the first time so tenderly and sweet, Vi Lee bounding from the bounce house to the cake and kicking off her own birthday song, Parker wider blue eyes than ever and more outgoing but still soft spoken in the shadow of her graceful also pregnant mother.

When Jess and I talk later about the day she will recall a blur of butterfly cake baking and broken conversations between adults and toddlers and presents and birthday candles and songs and tattoos and nursing baby snuggles.

The whole of the day was beautiful, and the quiet time driving across town with Jake and W and I in the car, my husband’s hand on mine and smiles and sunshine and blue bird AZ spring time weather filling me up with all the feels of new life, new possibilities and big things to soon come.

Song: Generation X - Dancing With Myself

Quote: "Because we don’t know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that’s so deeply a part of your being that you can’t even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless." ~Paul Bowles

[crimsonsbled]

𓏲ּ   ֶָ   𝑤𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑜𝑠𝒕𝒗   ⁝            announcing   the   arrival   of   TORWYN   of   house   GREYJOY,   the   LORD   of   THE  PYKE.   whispers   among   the   court   name   them   to   be   both   CHARISMATIC   and   PROUD   in   disposition,   and   those   closest   to   them   speak   to   their   interests   in   sailing  &  swordsmanship.   if   we   bards   could   compose   a   song   for   them,   it   might   tell   stories   of     it   might   tell   stories   of restless  howl  against  the  ships  hull  as  lightning  illuminates  the  darkness  enveloping  the  ship  ,  the  rhythmic  cadence  of  the  waves  crashing  against  the  shore  serving  as  a  constant  companion,  a  reminder  of  the  ever-present  call  of  the  ocean  that  flows  through  his  veins  ,  a  lone  figure  on  rocky  edges,  an  embodiment  of  a  legacy  forged  in  iron  and  tempered  by  the  sea  .     the   seven   whisper   to   their   most   devout   queen   as   she   sleeps,   making   her   question   where   their   loyalties   truly   lie.   are   they   right   to   whisper?   for   their   loyalties   truly   lie   with   THE  GREYJOYS/THEMSELVES    .

━━  𝒅𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒓

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂  𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

full  name  :  torwyn  greyjoy age  :  thirty  years  old date  of  birth :  the  19th  of  the  eleventh  turn  (  november  )  hometown  :  pyke  ,  iron  islands  ,  westeros gender  &  pronouns  :  cis  male  +  he  /  him orientation  :  heterosexual  +  heteroromantic marital  status  :  unwed religion  :  drowned  god titles  &  occupation  :  lord  of  the  pyke  ,  captain  of  the  stormbreaker 

𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋  𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

hair  colour  :  brown eye  colour  :  hazel height  :  1.88  m  /  6’2  ft face  claim  :  leo  sutter

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘  𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐒

moral  alignment  :  chaotic  evil positive  traits  :  charismatic  ,  negative  traits  :  proud  ,  cynical  ,  scheming hobbies  :  sailing  and  swordsmanship character  inspos  :  hans  solo  ,  sinbad  the  sailor  ,  captain  barbosa  ,  tyrion  lannister  ,  balon  greyjoy  ,  ragnar  lothbrok  ,  achilles  (  the  illiad  )  ,  loki  (  mcu  )

𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘

father  :  lord  lancion  greyjoy mother  :  lady  julienna  greyjoy siblings  :  lord  utp  greyjoy  ,  lord/lady/liege  greyjoy children  :  unknown  number  of  bastards  (  no  one  has  came  to  collect  child  support  yet  )

𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘

the  second  son  of  the  great  lancion  greyjoy  .  the  spare  .  the  less  favored  .  as  one  might  have  guessed  ,  torwyn  was  often  overshadowed  by  the  accomplishments  and  expectations  thrust  upon  his  older  brother  .  as  a  child  ,  he  craved  for  his  father’s  affection  but  no  matter  what  he  did  ,  he  was  always  seen  inferior  to  the  eldest  greyjoy  .  his  childhood  was  not  all  devastating  for  what  his  father  lacked  to  showed  him  ,  his  mother  made  up  for  it  .  it  was  not  long  until  towryn  realized  that  being  his  father’s  favorite  was  not  all  bad  .  he  sought  solace  in  seafaring  ,  using  it  as  escape  from  pyke  politics  .  he  started  joining  his  father’s  men  on  small  raids  and  fishing  expedition  ,  learning  from  them  along  the  way  .  while  young  lords  were  given  steeds  and  swords  as  they  entered  manhood  ,  torwyn  was  given  his  own  ship  to  captain  ,  naming  the  ship  stormbreaker  .  a  good  portion  of  torwyn’s  adulthood  was  spent  at  sea  ,  his  voyages  spanning  months  .  in  true  ironborn  nature  ,  when  he  was  not  discovering  new  places  ,  torwyn  and  his  crew  pillaged  and  raided  smaller  islands  .  pyke  was  no  longer  considered  his  home  rather  it  was  anywhere  the  stormbreaker  docked  .  torwyn's  voyages  took  him  far  and  wide  across  the  seas,  exploring  and  raiding  distant  lands  across  westeros  and  the  narrow  Sea  . however  ,  torwyn's  daring  exploits  were  not  without  peril  .  he  decided  to  sail  home  from  lys  to  reach  pyke  just  in  time  for  his  mother’s  name  day  ,  hoping  to  surprise  her  .  the  night  before  his  expected  arrival  ,  his  ship  encountered  a  tempest  of  unprecedented  ferocity  .  the  Stormbreaker  strained  against  the  raging  waters  ,  and  torwyn  found  himself  facing  the  very  real  possibility  of  losing  his  life  at  sea  .  miraculously  ,  the  ship  limped  back  to  the  safety  of  pyke's  harbor,  but  the  ordeal  left  its  mark  on  torwyn  ,  both  physically  and  emotionally  . torwyn's  recovery  on  pyke  stretched  across  several  months,  enforced  by  his  mother's  decree  forbidding  him  from  setting  foot  on  his  ship  until  his  wounds  had  fully  healed—a  directive  that  grated  against  his  restless  spirit  .  returning  torPyke  felt  like  stepping  into  a  foreign  land  ;  he  had  never  truly  felt  a  sense  of  belonging  within  its  walls  .  The  truth  was  ,  torwyn  had  long  remained  aloof  from  the  intricate  web  of  his  family's  political  affairs  .  well  ,  not  until  recently  .  his  brother’s  defiance  piqued  torwyn’s  interest  ,  finding  it  amusing  that  their  father  seemed  to  be  greatly  affected  by  him  taking  a  salt  wife  .  sensing  an  opportunity  amidst  the  brewing  tensions  ,  torwyn  saw  a  chance  to  play  a  more  active  role  in  greyjoy  politics  .  unconcerned  with  the  burdens  of  inheritance  ,  torwyn  had  no  desire  to  vie  for  the  seastone  chair  .  Iinstead  ,  his  gaze  was  fixed  upon  a  grander  ambition  :  commanding  the  legendary  iron  fleet  .  it  was  a  position  he  believed  he  was  destined  for  ,  one  that  would  grant  him  the  power  and  influence  he  craved  beyond  the  confines  of  pyke's  walls  .

[steelcityreviews]

REVIEW: HTI's Fun Home - An Ambitious and Heartfelt Premier for Hamilton's Theatre Community

Adapted from Alison Bechdel’s groundbreaking graphic novel, Fun Home is a refreshing original musical about the power of memory and how it helps us shape, reexamine or even destroy our identity. Moving between past and present, Alison relives her unique childhood playing at the family’s Bechdel Funeral Home, her growing understanding of her own sexuality, and the unanswerable questions about her father’s hidden desires. It was the unexpected winner of Best Musical at the 2015 Tony Awards, championed the underrepresented (specifically women writers and directors) and has become a sorely needed addition to the musical theatre zeitgeist.

Hamilton Theatre Inc. has taken an ambitious risk with producing Fun Home as part of their 65th season. It is Hamilton Ontario's premier of the show and there has been a great deal of anticipation regarding its opening. After several health based challenges leading up to opening night, the show finally opened its doors to Maple Avenue and the Bechdel "fun home." While the production has its flaws, it ultimately grants audiences a brave, humourous and heart-felt look at the lives of the Bechdel family and how tragedy can lead to healing and hope.

Director Tyler Collins has staged Fun Home to incorporate all the memories present-day Alison recalls. The main set is the house, which begins as a dusty relic and is unveiled as Alison's father's passion project and, as we discover, a way to express his closeted queerness. The set design has some effective reveal elements to it which I won't spoil here but shows the ingenuity in how to make larger scenes work on a small stage.

HTI often faces the challenges of spacing and this time, the orchestra is affected. Some members were in the loft and some were on the ground floor which often made the sound levels uneven and several songs were very difficult to hear over the instruments. Lesson 101 at HTI is always the power of projection as the cast is not mic'd and the hanging mics only provide so much assistance. Due to many cast members recovering from illness, this may have affected their ability to project so bravo to those who pushed through. That being said, audience members who are not familiar with the songs and story may find difficulty in hearing several cast members throughout. The production features some moody lighting that adds to the overall atmosphere of the show but is also underlit for several scenes. The actors faces were often so dark that the emotional impact was frequently lost. Perhaps, for the remaining shows, some extra spotlight usage or warm washes would help resolve this.

Where this show shines is in its casting. It is no easy feat to cast three individuals to play the same character at various points in their life. Collins and the creative team made brilliant choices in casting Kristi Boulton (Present-day Alison), Sabrina Gabrielle (Medium Alison) and Ariana Abudaqa (Small Alison). Each of these actors bring charm, humour and nuance to their performances and they even match one another in stature and vocal prowess.

Boulton interacts with the other versions of Alison in an endearing way while making hilarious quips about situations as she tries to make sense of her past. Boulton impresses with her deep understanding of the source material and channels the emotional impact of the story with deep respect and soaring vocals, particularly in Maps and the gut-wrenching Telephone Wire. Gabrielle embodies the nervous energy of Medium Alison perfectly while they accept their sexuality and their awkwardly joyful Changing My Major is equal parts funny and relatable. I hope to see more of Gabrielle on stage in the future. Small Alison is energetic and sassy, almost to a fault. There is undeniably a great deal of talent in Abudaqa but her performance of Ring of Keys comes off a bit too manic and less reflective in the realization of Alison's sexuality. It is a pivotal moment in the show and it doesn't have the impact it should. All this to say that at the finale, these three will have you tearing up with their powerful performance and gorgeous harmonization. Bravo.

While Alison is our protagonist, the show ultimately focuses on the strained relationship with her father Bruce, his closeted sexuality and the deeply concerning (and ultimately tragic) decisions he makes. Ian McKechnie is another strong casting choice in this role. He understands the levels needed to make this role work so that the audience never hates him but like, Alison, never truly understands him. The moments of rage and intensity delivered by McKechnie shows off his skilled acting ability and the tension and despair never feels phoned in. Very impressive work.

There is a great deal more to praise about HTI's Fun Home. Amber Mill's breaks our hearts with her tragically resentful Days and Days. This song is a key example of why musical theatre exists: to show emotion and reveal one's self when words simply aren't enough. Mills demonstrates the heartbreak in this song and it is delivered beautifully. The Bechdel brothers (Gretchen Tellez and Olive Millie) deliver some refreshing moments of levity in Come to the Fun Home and Raincoat of Love and Jackie Mahoney and newcomer to the stage, Ivan Bond provide balanced support as Joan (Alison's girlfriend) and various characters throughout. The costumes are period accurate for the 1970's and the colour matching for the characters, particularly the Alison trio, is creative and clever.

HTI's Fun Home is a welcomed piece of musical theatre in our community and almost a decade since its original debut, still has a story that needs to be told. Audiences will come to understand more about the rollercoaster of emotions while discovering one's sexuality, the hardships associated with it and how the past can be our greatest resource to accepting ourselves and those who impact our lives. Tickets are selling quickly for this Hamilton premier. Go to the Fun Home.

For tickets and more information, please visit: https://hamiltontheatre.com/tickets/

Photos by: Kreations Photography

[withhertea]

Featuring in our Summer 2023 issue, Maisie Peters discusses the magic of music, the power of vulnerability, and her spell-casting sophomore album, The Good Witch.

“I really believe in the magic and the power of music. Songs can often feel like spells,” beams singer-songwriter Maisie Peters. Back in London for just a few days, sandwiched between tour dates, the artist is contemplating her upcoming sophomore studio album, The Good Witch, on the set of her Wonderland shoot. With nods to fantastical childhood tales and references to witch hunts, the 23-year-old blends the line between fact and fiction, creating an honest and mystical space between.

At its core, the album is a coming-of-age story, a brilliant description of the dizzying reality of the twenty-something years. Love, happiness, heartbreak, devastation, confusion, and anger: those all-encompassing emotions that feel larger than life during the primary throes of adulthood weave in and out of the tracklist. But while these themes are present throughout, Peters assures me that she was seeking refuge from their complex grip whilst penning these tracks. “If I felt out of control in my personal life, this album was my little universe where I could say and do what I wanted to and make characters say and do what I wanted from them.”

If her debut, You Signed Up For This, served as a snapshot of the adolescent experience and a farewell to her teen years, The Good Witch was expectedly the start of a new age. Take first single “Body Better” as an example. A deeply personal cut, it captures the insecurities that surface after a sudden end to a relationship — the torturous ruminating whilst trying to understand why it didn’t work out. “I wanted to begin with “Body Better” because I wanted to start with a real intent,” she explains. “I’m serious about music and I want to be an artist with longevity. I think to do that, you have to be prepared to sacrifice — you have to be vulnerable, you have to open up and give something of yourself.”

When it comes to songwriting, it’s easy to see how seriously Peters takes her craft. Attention to detail is rife as she spins literary references and mythology into early 2000s pop-esque power and a decade-defining tone akin to Lorde’s Melodrama. “Because I write pop music, I’m looking to say something concisely,” she lets on. “I want people to understand what I’m saying.” And it is safe to say she has achieved what she set out to do. Putting the most complicated emotions into direct terms, she creates music that resonates with the 20-somethings of today.

It’s hard to pick a standout track from The Good Witch, but Peters’ own personal favourite is a good place to start. A beautiful ode to her on-stage team, “The Band And I” details their experience touring around the United States in a bus, playing live shows, and meeting the fans. “It’s a song you only really write once. It embodies this huge part of my life and it’s so special to be able to sing about that every night on tour.” There is also the title track, which explodes into a compilation of voice notes from Peters’ closest friends and cheers from her Webster Hall show. However, “Coming Of Age” is one of the most poignant of the album, reminding us that we hold power over our own narratives. “It’s a very easy thing to do to give so much magic to somebody else. And I’m a songwriter, so I’ll have my muses and think they’re God’s gift to the world,” she laughs. “It can be beautiful, but why have we given them so much power? Take it back! Give it to yourself. Recast the film.”

It is clear that Peters fights the battles she faces with her craft. “If you sing about something enough, it begins to work its way into what’s really happening,” she says. As true as this may be, I am left assured that Peters’ success is more than manifestation. It is pure magic.

[artemis-potnia-theron]

Hi there! I’m not a pagan but out of religious context, I still love the gods and Artemis has particular been a beautiful archetype for me. I had a dance teacher once tell me my movement and energy was like hers and when I was a teenager, I had this amazing encounter in the desert with a black-tailed deer. The doe was the only animal in sight and we just stared and stared at each other. Idk if you believe in spirit animals but she was and is mine.

I dearly love the woods and grew up hunting, hiking, climbing trees, and riding horseback. For me, the loss of my maidenhood has also meant the loss of many of these things. I often feel trapped indoors with my chores and children. It has been seven years since my doe appeared to me, which I don’t think is a coincidence. Seven is a special number. What are some ways I can once again channel Artemis and the moon and the woods and these things which were once so native to me?

Hello hello!!

Animal connections and encounters are amazing ways to connect to her energy! Just as a friendly FYI, the term 'spirit animal' is typically reserved for Indigenous communities and cultures and is generally discouraged outside of that context. If this is your background, apologies. My background is Cherokee and I just wanted to let you know :)

Here are some other terms you can use to describe that relationship with a certain animal:

Familiar

Guide/Animal Guide

Fylgja (In Norse mythology, a fylgja is a supernatural being or spirit which accompanies a person in connection to their fate or fortune.)

Muse

Helper

Daimon

Helper

Genius

Now, onto the rest of your question! Deer are perhaps Artemis' most famous sacred animal. If you still feel a connection to them, one thing you can do is add more deer imagery/motifs around your home. This can mean decor made out of ethically sourced shed deer antlers, photos and figures of deer, or other art that provokes their energy. Deer are thought to be one of the embodiments of the forest, the hunt, and the cycle of life and death. They are present in a wide number of mythologies and religions and consistently serve as a connection to the spiritual realm. Connecting to that energy can also mean connecting to Artemis.

Another great way to connect, although it might sound obvious, is to try and get out in nature whenever possible. This doesn't have to mean going to a nature reserve if that isn't a possibility for you. It can just mean taking early morning/late-night walks. Or just standing outside during a free moment and breathing in the fresh air. Or even something as simple as opening the window and letting the wind flow through your home.

If you can't spend as much time outside as you would like, try to bring the outdoors into your home! Crystals are a great way to connect with nature. Growing/picking/buying flowers and other plants (if that's possible) can be a great reminder that the 'wilds' are everywhere. I started with a few succulents and now my city-based apartment looks like a greenhouse!

Another lesser-known fact about Artemis is that she also assists with transitioning from childhood (being wild, free, untamed) into the more 'stable' household sphere. Artemis is part of nature, which is in itself constantly changing. Dying and then being reborn. Nothing is stagnant. Try to keep that mindset for yourself. If you can't get outdoors as much as you'd like, I'd suggest meditation. Spend some time looking inward. She can really help you learn to accept the past for what it was, focus on being present, and looking forward to new growth. Just like in the wilds. Winter is part of nature as much as spring is.

Another way to connect to Artemis is through song and dance. Although her brother and one of her counterparts, Apollo(n) is far more heavily associated with music (the muses), Artemis can also embody the spirit of unrestrained dance.

Some of her epithets include:

-Hegemone “leader of dance" or "choir leader.” -Hymnia “of the hymns” or "lover of songs." -Celadeinus/Celadeine “strong-voiced" or "lady of clamors.”

While this is not the same as Dionysus, who presides over ecstatic, mad, and frenzied release, it can invoke a similar feeling. Try to find a song that you can just go nuts to. Don't worry about how you look or how to dance well, just find freedom. Let go. That can also really help connect to that 'wild spirit' that can become more difficult to connect to in domestic life. My favorite band, The Amazing Devil, has a song called 'The Horror and the Wild' that is great for this. A number of their songs capture the vibe of Artemis really well. I'd suggest checking them out!

Meditation under moonlight, especially the full moon when its light is at its brightest, can be a fantastic way to connect to the cosmos and to Artemis. It doesn't have to be some dramatic thing, just find a few spare minutes to focus on the moon and take some time to reflect. I like to remind myself that I am looking at the same thing countless other people and animals look to and connect with.

It humbles me and reminds me how incredible it is that I've gotten the opportunity to be alive - to be a part of something that was there long before me and will be there long after. It is one of our clearest, most beloved connections to the infinite. Take advance of that. Also, focus on that growth and rebirth aspect I mentioned. Just as the moon has phases- you have phases, too.

Most importantly, remember that her energy does not leave you when you transition away from 'unbridled and untamed youth'. Just as her spirit is present in the hunt, she is also present during childbirth. She is there in both life and death, in all forms of renewal. You will never stop changing or growing. Every new phase of life is a chance to grow and experience something new. Try to remind yourself of this when things seem 'stagnant.'

As I mentioned, my family is Cherokee and my uncles have always said that life is like a river. And, as the saying goes, you never step into the same river twice. Even if the river always looks the same, the water is still flowing forward - always moving and changing. This is one of the lessons Artemis can teach you. There is both great peace and great excitement in that realization.

Hope this was helpful!!

[essential-music]

America's "The Last Unicorn": An Anthem of Resilience and Hope

The 1982 animated film The Last Unicorn and its hauntingly beautiful theme song, performed by the band America, stand as enduring testaments to the power of art to inspire resilience, evoke hope, and celebrate moral purity. More than four decades after its release, the story of the last unicorn—searching for her kind in a world on the brink of collapse—continues to resonate, offering a profound meditation on survival, healing, and the persistence of goodness in the face of despair.

At the heart of the film’s emotional depth lies its titular song, a lyrical tapestry woven with apocalyptic imagery and triumphant defiance. The refrain, “I’m Alive! I’m Alive!”, is not merely a declaration but a rallying cry, embodying the resilience of a creature who endures when “the last eagle flies over the last crumbling mountain” and “the last lion roars at the last dusty fountain.” These vivid lines paint a world in decay, yet the unicorn’s sparkling presence pierces through the gloom, a symbol of hope that refuses to be extinguished. This juxtaposition of desolation and vitality strikes a universal chord, reminding us that even in our darkest moments—whether personal struggles like illness or societal crises—there is a spark within that can proclaim, “I’m alive.”

The song’s emotional resonance is amplified by its ability to evoke nostalgia while addressing timeless human experiences. For those who grew up watching the film on VHS or catching it on television, the melody is a portal to simpler times, a reminder of childhood wonder before the complexities of adulthood set in. Yet its themes transcend nostalgia, speaking to anyone grappling with loss or seeking meaning. The unicorn, described as “old and worn” yet still inspiring awe, mirrors our own journeys through hardship. Her laughter in the distance, heard when “all is dying,” offers a beacon of healing, suggesting that joy and renewal are possible even after profound sorrow.

Central to the film’s enduring appeal is its portrayal of moral purity, embodied by the unicorn herself. In medieval folklore, unicorns symbolized virtue and grace, their mere presence inspiring goodness in others. The Last Unicorn elevates this archetype, presenting its protagonist as a force of moral clarity in a world marred by greed and betrayal. Her survival, even as the “last moon is cast over the last star of morning,” suggests that integrity and compassion can outlast chaos. This message feels particularly poignant today, as we navigate a world often fractured by division and cynicism. The unicorn’s steadfast existence challenges us to hold fast to our values, to believe that goodness can endure when all else seems lost.

The artistry of The Last Unicorn further deepens its impact. The animation, with its delicate yet haunting visuals, complements the song’s ethereal quality. Jimmy Webb’s songwriting, paired with America’s emotive performance, crafts a soundtrack that is both a lament and a celebration. Together, these elements create a work that transcends its medium, inviting reflection on what it means to persist, to heal, and to remain true to one’s essence.

In a culture that often prioritizes novelty over depth, The Last Unicorn reminds us of the power of stories that endure. Its message of resilience speaks to those facing personal trials, offering hope that they, too, can declare “I’m alive” against the odds. Its vision of moral purity inspires us to seek goodness, even in a world that tests our faith. And its emotional depth, woven through song and story, provides a space for healing, where tears of sorrow can mingle with those of joy. As we look to the future, let us carry the laughter of the last unicorn—a reminder that, no matter how worn or weary we may be, the spark of life and virtue within us is alive, and it will shine on.

Year: 1982

Composition/Lyrics: Jimmy Webb

Producer: Jimmy Webb

[xinganhao]

some thoughts and extra content on my how is your youth? mini-series, where booseoksoon are your youth ✦ stories of the past (soonyoung), present (seokmin), and future (seungkwan).

(1) as mentioned, all titles are from day6's remember us : youth part 2. being a carat x myday strikes again lol. the references are very loose/barely there, but this is one of the first albums i think of when i think of the word 'youth'! it also has some of my favorite day6 songs of all time. (:

(2) when the series was but an idea clanging around in my brain, i went to maplegyu for advice. i gave her an inch ('dk is childhood crush coded'), and in turn, she gave me a mile ('a playmate u met for the summer that impacted ur life but never saw again'). when i say maple has helped me come up with some of my best ideas, i mean it. attaching her review here because it gave me so much joy!

(3) i couldn't find the photos that would pull it off, but i wanted seokmin to show off the rings that he still had from reader ): in my imagination, the rings are the plastic, toy type that you win from a gashapon machine/can buy at the cornerstone/et cetera. some visuals -ish:

(3.1) when reader and seokmin start dating, he starts wearing the ring in a necklace. he also never stops calling reader his 'wife' despite protests.

(4) no better place to drop this, but here's a panel that didn't make it into the final smau because of space/pacing issues! would have been towards the ending. (:

(5) i hadn't intended for lorde's ribs to be a recurring theme throughout the work, but it helped me realize that i wanted each of the readers to have internal conflicts (as much as bss might have). it ended up going as follows:

so cool!reader being scared of growing old

121U!reader holding grudges

days gone by!reader moving on from what-could-have-been's

(6) the first rain of may (referred to as unang ulan ng mayo in my country, and agua de mayo in spanish) is viewed as mentioned— something that's supposed to be 'healing'. it felt most appropriate to associate with seokmin, who embodies healing in his own way. 🌻

(7) the idea of focusing on soonyoung's taekwondo history is once again maple's, and the specifics on the rivalry (i.e. lacing up armor, pulling during stretches, racing during suicides) are all from sarangcoups. i felt very strongly about a childhood!soonyoung being a little bit annoying over having a crush— the type who mistakenly believed that bullying = affection.

(8) by this point, i started locking in the idea of each boy representing either the past, present, or future, which is laid out more clearly as follows:

seokmin, who associates reader as his youth which he wants in the present

soonyoung, who carried his past with him and learns from it on the daily

seungkwan, who plans to face the future with the love he received from his youth

(9) i realized belatedly that soonyoung's smau is shorter than the others, which is why i tried to compensate with a longer -ish headcanon format. nonetheless, it was fun to explore his voice both in the texts and the written part. he's still a little obnoxious, but it's endearing. out of all the work in the series, this one feels like the one that's likeliest to get more parts (but don't hold me to it! haha).

(10) up until posting, i was on the fence about whether i should conclude seungkwan's story the way that it ended. that's why i ended up publishing it a couple days off 'schedule', primarily because i had to contemplate whether i was cheating seungkwan out of a 'happy ending' because soonyoung/seokmin got theirs.

and so maybe that's why i feel like i have a soft spot for this particular verse now because it helped me remember something important: romantic love is not the end all be all. a happy ending is still possible without it. how foolish of me to forget that, and how apt is it for me to be reminded with a story of seungkwan when it's something he would very easily tell people in a heartbeat.

(11) the alternate romantic ending would have still featured a similar line wherein seungkwan insists that 'kwannie' belongs to reader, but i pulled it out at the last minute when i realized— 'kwannie' doesn't exist anymore. it's a past version of him, one that the reader has maybe romanticized in her head. so, yes.

high school almost-lover 'kwannie' is reader's, but present-day 'seungkwan' is not.

(12) MOAs might recognize this, but the last line of seungkwan's interview is from a well-known soobin quote. it's something i think of constantly, and i feel like it's also something that seungkwan himself would believe in.

(13) another slide i cut for space reasons (replaced with seungkwan's '27' tweet):

it was posed as a gentle reminder from reader -> seungkwan that, as the lyric goes, life has just begun. it's also a prompt for him to not pick up only on the sad parts of the song/life, when the good lyric/part is in the very next breath.

tl;dr, your youth is whatever you want it to be. whether you are stuck in the past, living in the present, or afraid of the future— know that there is a love that waits, and it will be a good love. i promise you that.

like i always say: this story was mine once, but it's all yours now. ❥ thank you for reading along, and happy bss comeback szn!

how is your youth? 📢 a booseoksoon three-parter.

three independent smaus featuring booseoksoon, who you've had the pleasure of knowing throughout various stages of your life. or: verses where bss are your youth.

ⓘ synopses under the cut. aus will be linked back here once posted. happy bss comeback season, everyone!

do you remember...

so cool ✮ seokmin x reader.

... the kid you pretend-married on the playground? you were only 'spouses' for one summer, but you have the photographic evidence to prove it. it would be nice to know how he's doing, right?

121U ✮ soonyoung x reader.

... the annoying guy from your after-school taekwondo class? you hated his guts. you don't even really care much for the sport anymore; you just want to get back at him for making your life a living hell.

days gone by ✮ seungkwan x reader.

... your first love from high school? sure, you never really dated him, but your feelings were very much valid. whether they've stood the test of time is the real question— and it looks like you're about to to get some answers.

with love, kae ✎ a very special shoutout to the best of the best, @maplegyu, for helping me brainstorm some of these (..◜ᴗ◝..) starting the year with bss, lfg!

all titles are from day6's remember us : youth part 2.

› scroll through all my work ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ my masterlist | @xinganhao

[andersonpress]

Kelela ROCKED the 9:30 club so hard I’m obligated to tell you about it

The minute Kelela tickets dropped my bestie and I were in the digital line to pick them up. Kelela was introduced to me via a road trip to Bonnaroo and I immediately enlisted myself as a stan of the DC native melodic dance music siren. Her debut project CUT 4 ME, the mother of all follow ups Hallucinogen next, the third treasure Take Me Apart, and the most recent masterpiece/center of this tour visit, Raven. When Raven dropped during #BHM I immediately was drawn to several of the many bops she decided to feed her children with. Contact is by far my favorite song with Closure and Bruises having a pussy battle for the runner-up. It forced me to deep die into her past projects and replay Kelela staples like Take Me Apart, LMK, Onanon, The High, All the Way Down, and Floor Show. “BITCH I’LL DIE IF I DON’T SEE THIS!”

We load up my ravy Ms. Thang, get a sitter for the boys, and pack the shortest skirts we own for an evening of rubbing up on strangers.

Wednesday Evening --

My wife and I arrive at U street and I’m immediately thrown into my childhood morning commute. At the age of 7 I was using the DC train and bus system to go back and forth to school. There aren’t any school busses in the city and my mom had felt my brother and I were started to act entitled. “Julian, hanging around all them white kids got these kids scared. Y’all are going to ride that bus and if the school calls me to say you’re late THAT’S YOUR ASS.” I would catch the bus from our cushy Chevy Chase suburb and descend into the city center. We would pass the same corner that combines the pool with the blue top Mcdonald’s across from the Howard bookstore. We drive past the Petco that we brought our second family pet to all the time. The streets seem thinner or maybe they just seemed so big as a kid. Gentrification has made my memories slightly skewed but also more embodied. We skuttle into the basement apartment, walk past the sleeping Mekh on the couch, and head to bed.

Thursday --

We started the day watching Barry and grabbing breakfast from Busboys and Poets. It’s a DC bookstore/cafe staple expanded into several equally impressive locations that became very easy to get confused. We grabbed up all the grub and went back to the basement to crunch down. As I watch two of my most favorite people appreciate their plates a very gay idea pops into my head: Museum Date! I order us tickets to the National African American History Smithsonian and we slap on the cutest outfits and go to run in the sun. We battle downtown D.C. on a particularly field trip compacted Thursday afternoon and make our way into the paneled building. We spend the next few hours asking “where are the faggots at?” It was cute…but male-centered. We stop for pics on our way back home to change for dinner and the highly anticipated Kelela concert.

Several showers and makeup brushes later we were cunty shrimp ready to be fried: spark up. We head to the venue on foot and make it super early - love that for us. We decide to go across the street to an Ethiopian restaurant, Ghion, and get SLOSHED on some delicious honey wine. We ate enough sambusas and injera to pop a button and then and only then did we feel it was time to wait for the siren herself. We line up next to Telfars, exposed collar bones, leather pants, bodycon dresses, and myriads of gender presentations. We light our Kelela blunts and soon we see other mini puff clouds forming up and down the street. Our queen brought all the DC hotties out for a night of smoking, laughing and jumping.

We enter the 9:30 club and wait for her. And then she emerges. And everything is right.

We walk home feeling inspired and uplifted. And hungry. Midnight snacks. Falling asleep on the couch. Waking up at 3AM to head back to bed.

Friday--

We woke up in disbelief the night before. Thankfully not hungover. And ready to eat. We ordered a myriad of foods off of DoorDash. My wife had some work to do so Mekh and I decided we needed to finish Barry and binge John Wick 3. I need to run some errands so I run out to dash around before we catch lunch, dinner, and head to my friend’s performance in Baltimore. I run around getting gas and trying to find a Red Bull at a reasonable price and I begin to cry. I miss what was. I hated so much about being a child that going back to so many places that give me joy was overwhelming. Being severely depressed is like having the world’s largest blinders. I’ve come back to my hometown with my chosen family and I had an amazing time. This place isn’t like it always was. You're safe now. So let’s head to lunch. We go to the Colada Shop for empanadas, margaritas, catching up, and pastelitos. Our dinner reservations at doimoi are moved to 8:30 because duh, Friday night and I let my friend in Baltimore know that this bougie dinner will be the last to stand in the way of us hanging out again. We head to the liquor store to drink Tequila and yell at John Wick. We end up at doimoi right on time and end up leaving somewhere around 11. We dance at the speakeasy downstairs and head back to the car. Back to the basement apartment for more late night laughs. Back to bed. Tomorrow we leave.

Saturday--

Saturday was sleepy and rainy. We stayed in the AirBNB until one minute before check out and piled back into Ms. Thang. One last day of actually sitting in Busboys and Poets and whatdoyaknow we get the sweetest waitress. We each get a staple and clean our plates. Mekh needs to catch a bus and we’ve only got 20 minutes to get there - time to go to a dispensary. We head to a very dystopian dispensary and pick up some eddies and a free pre roll before grabbing one last order of pastelitos. We obviously change Mekh’s bus time and head to Union Station. We kiss kiss and hug hug then set our sights back to the boys. Back to Pittsburgh. Back home, for now.

Kelela gave me a lot to stew on. My relationship to my childhood home. The feelings of deserving a vacation. Being able to afford a vacation. Being in majority queer spaces with my wife. And with my gender variant baddies. Not knowing most of the people I grew up with anymore. Knowing the people I do now. Being who I am. It’s a lot. But there is more to come.

All photos and videos by yours truly

[denimbex1986]

'It’s an early march Friday night, I am on a bus which I will unfortunately ride until sunrise to get to my hometown...I turn to what is an old (relatively, I’m not even 25 yet) faithful: Hand. Cannot. Erase. Steven Wilson’s fourth solo outing. Since it came out (back in 2015) I became enthralled by not only its wonderful musical palette, but also by its themes, touching on isolation, alienation and modern-day malaise. When it came out I was barely sixteen, and a good dose of teen angst, mixed with some of the most depressing times in my life, led to this album becoming very, very important for me, and very quickly. One of my favorite things in music is when the artwork translates perfectly the content itself: Between the Buried and Me’s Coma Ecliptic is a bright blue sky backdrop on desert bushes with some rusty and mysterious machinery, Devin Townsend’s Deconstruction is angry, stormy clouds, Toska’s Fire by the Silos is a towering high tension trellis. Hand. Cannot. Erase. is an apartment complex at night, with different lights turning on and off, and a single, lonely person, gazing out their window, somberly. As it turns out, this was a perfect depiction of how I felt as a teenager, and it’s exactly my view out the window in the big town where I live now. It’s an image I obsess with constantly: the idea of a small individual in a world of several, simultaneous, small individuals, each within its own small universe. It’s not difficult to see why, when I watched Andrew Haigh’s All of us Strangers, a whole host of emotions rose inside me.

Adapted from a novel by Japanese author Taichi Yamada called Strangers ( 異人たちとの夏), All of Us Strangers is a recently released film by British director Andrew Haigh. The film stars Andrew Scott as Adam, a screenwriter who lives alone in his London flat. Through the course of the movie, Adam meets another man, Harry, played by Paul Mescal, whom he gradually falls in love with. Meanwhile, Adam goes back to his childhood home, and starts seeing his parents, played by Claire Foy and Jamie Bell, who died tragically in an accident when he was younger. It’s as though they were never gone, and are the same age as Adam in the present.

The film deals with themes such as grief, loneliness, memories and love, and how they’re all intertwined, seemingly impossible to discern. Adam’s life might have been adequate, but he decidedly shielded himself from the possibilities of love and interpersonal connection, scared both by how his sexuality was perceived in his youth, and by the pain he had to go through at such a young age.

These themes not only harken back to Hand. Cannot. Erase. (in a way which will be explained further down the essay), but they are used in another progressive rock concept album: Pink Floyd’s The Wall. The record tells the story of Pink, a man who is neglected and abused in multiple ways during his childhood, to then become an alienated rockstar who builds a metaphorical wall, isolating himself from the rest of the world. Other albums also use these themes in a rock opera context: The Who’s Tommy, or even Ayreon’s The Human Equation, where a man deals with the personification of his very emotions, à la Inside Out.

Steven Wilson’s album is explicitly inspired by the story of Joyce Carol Vincent, a girl who was found in her apartment three years after her death. The album takes this horrible real-life event and builds on it to tell fragments of the life of its protagonist, brilliantly embodied in the artwork by Karolina Grzybowska. The record opens, after the “First Regret” intro, with “Three Years Older”: its lyrics are sung from a second person’s perspective, and they probably take place after the titular three years, when the body is eventually found. What follows is a series of songs about longing for a moment frozen in time: “Hand Cannot Erase” is about a past relationship, “Routine” is about distracting yourself from grief and depression with chores, “Perfect Life” beautifully reminisces on a friendship from the protagonist’s youth, wherein tangible objects like cigarettes and clothes, and pieces of media such as songs become the ghost of someone. In his review of the movie, British film critic Mark Kermode underlined the film’s Japanese origin through its idea of ghosts: ghosts which inhabit everyday things, just like what happens in “Perfect Life”. These songs starkly oppose the bleak present of the protagonist, who moves into the city and gradually alienates herself, as told through tracks such as “Home Invasion”, “Ancestral” and “Happy Returns”.

The ideas presented in the album all resonate through Andrew Haigh’s film, and further back into his body of work: 45 Years (also 2015) is the story of a couple nearing their forty-fifth anniversary, when the body of a past lover is discovered in perfect conditions, frozen in the Alps. The concept of time freezing is further explored in All of Us Strangers, when Adam goes back to his old place, and is treated exactly as he was as a child by the ghosts of his parents. Adam confronts them with everything he wished he could have told them, effectively haunting them, as opposed to them haunting him.

This is not the first time that Steven Wilson and Andrew Haigh deal with these matters. The latter already used ghost stories and alienation in many of his works, both solo and not (The Raven that Refused to Sing and Other Stories, Deadwing and Fear of A Blank Planet). With Haigh I already mentioned 45 Years; both movies fit a motif that is recurring more and more in today’s indie-auteur-arthouse cinematic input: the obsession with memories and looking back. Recent films such as Charlotte Wells’ Aftersun (also starring Paul Mescal, coincidentally), Celine Sciamma’s Petite Maman, or Alice Rohrwacher’s La chimera, all deal with these in varying degrees and different cultures/genres of movies.

As I sit in the bus listening to Guthrie Govan’s breathtaking guitar solo in “Regret #9”, I think about how these topics are so important to me, and I come to realize why All of Us Strangers left such an impact. By way of its language as a film, it evokes nostalgia as a dreamscape: always blurry, sometimes unmistakably joyous, others unfathomably frightening, but never life-threatening. It reminds me to seek connections in a world made of walls, and to cherish them. It reminds me of difficult times, and how I longed for better things back in the day. The time difference is short, but just enough to make me pause, and think about how much life changed (for the better, luckily) in the span of 9 years. The film is, most of all, a visual poem, much equivalent to the way music is presented to the listener, underlined by the powerful use of Pet Shop Boys’ “Always on My Mind” and Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “The Power of Love”, which enter the host of most memorable needle drops of the past few years, along with “Under Pressure” in Aftersun. Andrew Haigh directed what is quite possibly a masterpiece, or at least a very important film to me, much like the record it reminds me so much of.'