#CALL A RESUS BECAUSE MY HEART IS STOPPED

[choices-and-voices]

[akradekra]

Passionate Resuscitation Pt. 1 I can remember when it started. It was the scene in Superman Returns where Superman is at the hospital after falling from the sky. His suit being ripped off, showing his bare chest, the ambu bag over his mouth and nose, and finally the way his chest rose after being shocked by the device I didn’t know the name of yet. It awoke something in me, a desire, an obsession (it also may’ve awoken my bisexuality, but that’s another story). I wasn’t sure what it was, all I knew at the time was that that scene turned me on.

It took me years of watching similar scenes, doing research, and a couple fantasies to figure out what was going on: I was a cardiophile with a resus fetish. The sight of someone under CPR, using defibrillators to shock someone’s heart, heartbeats themselves, it really got me going, and it only grew as I went through adolescence, especially through high school and college. Of course, I kept all of this to myself for years. I didn’t let anyone know about my fetish, I COULDN’T let anyone know about it, because what would they think? Particular and strange fetishes are already generally frowned upon, and a resus fetish definitely fits into that category. So, I kept my fetish, my obsession, my desires, all to myself. That was until SHE came into the picture.

In many ways, she was my dream girl. Long curly red hair, mesmerizing bluish-green eyes, ruby red lips, silky smooth pale skin, an hourglass build, and of course, big round tits and a dump-truck ass. Men would give up an arm and a leg to be with her, women would get plastic surgery to look like her. Her looks weren’t the only thing she had going for her though. She was outgoing, she was funny, she was kind, she was caring, she took charge when need be, she was the life of the party. In other words, she was completely out of my league. Well that’s what I thought at first.

I’d seen her from time to time in previous years, but we officially met on the first day of the new semester. I was early to class and so I found a seat and just chilled. Then she walked in. I was mesmerized by her immediately. Then I realized she was heading in my direction. I slightly panicked a bit before she asked if the seat right next to me was taken. I said it wasn’t, and the next thing I knew this gorgeous lady was sitting right next to me. As we waited for class to start, she asked me if I had a spare pencil. I said yes, and gave it to her. Then she started asking me questions, simple ones like where I’m from, what other classes I was taking, my hobbies, interests, stuff like that. I was surprised by two things: 1. How easy it was to talk with her, and 2. How she was willing to talk to me, a random guy she just met, and how quickly we connected. We continued talking until the professor showed up and class officially started. As the lecture went on and on, I kept sneaking glances at her, checking her out. A few times, as I turned my eye to look at her, I thought I saw her eyes turning to look somewhere else. Was- was she checking ME out too? No way, how could this bombshell be checking me out? I didn’t think I was remotely attractive or close to her type, so I must be going crazy, right? Before I knew it, class ended, and I was getting my stuff to leave, but before I headed for the door, she gave me something, a folded piece of paper. She told me to read it when I went back to my dorm room, and gave me a wink before she left the classroom. This isn’t real, right?

I couldn’t stop thinking about the paper all day. I was anxious, waiting as the hours ticked by so I could immediately head for my dorm. Then, finally, the day was over and I went straight to my dorm. Upon arriving, I closed the door, sat on my bed, and opened the paper. On the paper was a phone number, as well as a note that read "You’re fun, call me sometime <3." Oh yeah, this was real.

Over the few weeks, we spent a lot of time together. Talking, studying, walking, reading, drawing, the works. We grew close, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, we confessed to each other. I couldn’t believe my luck, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, who I liked, liked me too. A part of me still thought this was all a dream, but when she kissed me, when she put her lips on mine, I knew it was real. This woman liked me, and she was now my girlfriend. I was in love. And for a while, I forgot all about my fetish. Until it happened.

She was visiting my dorm room for a studying session. I had to use the bathroom, so I left her unattended for a while as I did my business, as well as sprucing myself up a bit. When I exited the bathroom, I noticed she was sitting on my bed looking at a journal. I thought at first it was her note journal for class, but as I got closer, I realized it was one of MY journals, more specifically a sketch journal. When she noticed I was out of the bathroom, she turned to me and asked me what this was. She turned the journal around to show me what she was looking at and my stomach dropped. On the page she had open was a sketch of girl under CPR, with an intubation tube in her mouth. I froze. I started stuttering as she looked at me with a puzzled look on her face. Then I took a few deep breaths, sat down next to her, and began to talk.

I told her everything. About my resus fetish, about being a cardiophile, when it started, the whole story. She only interrupted once, when she pointed out that I liked to lay on her chest a lot, and that now she knew the reason why. After it was all said and done, we sat there together in silence. I couldn’t think of anything to say, and I was slightly embarrassed now that she knew about my fetish and the fantasies I had. I wasn’t sure what she would think. Maybe she thought I was a freak and was thinking how to tell me she was breaking up with me. Before I could think farther however, I felt her hand on mine. I turned to look at her, and found myself mesmerized by her eyes. Looking into them, I got the feeling that she was telling me things would be okay.

Before I could say anything else, she got off the bed and onto the floor. I asked her what she was doing, and she looked before saying "This is your fetish, isn’t it? I want to help you make it a reality." To say I was caught off guard would be an understatement. I was in shock. Was- was she really willing to let me do this stuff on her? No way. I asked if she meant it, to which she responded with astounding "hell yes." This was really happening, wasn’t it? With only a bit of hesitation, I got down on my knees next to her, while she laid herself on the floor. I sat there for a bit taking it all in, staring at her body. She was wearing a wonderful cotton beige turtleneck sweater which did a nice job of showing off her tits, and some tight denim jeans which also did a nice job showing off ass. I sat in a daze for a few seconds admiring her beauty before she called out to me, snapping me out of my trance. Once I gathered myself, we began.

The first thing I did was tell her to pretend to be dead. A little blunt, but we were both beginners in this situation so being clear was a must. She nodded before closing her eyes, parting her mouth a bit and let out a sigh like she’d just released her last breath. Her body relaxed, and her head fell to her right side so she could sneak glances at me. With that step done, I put two fingers on her neck. She had a pretty neck, one that was well defined, not too short, not too long. It also had some marks on it from when we made out last night and I nibbled on her neck a bit. I placed my fingers on her neck just below her jawline to feel for her pulse. Of course, since she was alive and breathing, it was there. I felt it beat under my fingers, around 60 beats per minute, the average amount. Despite already checking her pulse, I couldn’t help but place my ear on her chest and listen to her heart beating.

Ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum.

It was soothing, hypnotizing almost. I guess she knew this too since she put her hand on my head and gently scratched it. I stayed there laying on her chest for a minute before snapping out of my trance, looking at her and joking "aren’t you supposed to be dead?" We both giggled at my joke before she kissed my forehead and resumed her "dead" state. I put a finger up to her nose to feel her breathing. Again, since she was alive, of course she was breathing. She breathed gently in and out through her nose. Now that’ve checked all the areas, I now began the main attraction.

"No pulse, no breathing. Starting CPR." I had longed to say those words for years, and it felt satisfying to say them out loud, in a roleplay with my beautiful girlfriend no less. I began with rescue breathing. I gently lifted her chin up, and opened her mouth slightly more. I warned her that I would be pinching her nose shut, to which she gave me a thumbs up. With that, I gently pinched her nose with my thumb and index finger. I breathed deeply in, before I lowered my head to her mouth. The red lipstick she applied today made her lips stand out more so than usual, it made me crave her. Finally, I put my mouth over hers and gave her a slow breath into her lungs. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her chest rise before going down gently. I repeated the process again: I breathed in, locked our mouths together, let out the breath into her lungs, then watched as her chest rose and fell, like clockwork.

With the rescue breaths done, it was now time for chest compressions, the part of CPR that really got me going next to defibrillation. I again warned her of what I would be doing, to which she gave her consent, nodding her head. I moved over to her torso, and decided I would tease her a little bit by gliding my fingers over her body before I reached her sternum in between her breasts. The smile that briefly crossed her face confirmed that she liked it. I placed one open hand on her chest, and the other clenched over that hand. I was ready. With both hands in place, I gently pushed on her chest, then let it return to its previous position manually. I did 29 more compressions for an even 30, the required amount. With every compression, she let out a huff of breath and her head slightly jiggled as I gently pushed her chest in. Needless to say, I was very turned on. After completing the set of compressions. I once again found myself staring at her body. She laid there, perfectly still, eyes still closed, and lips slightly parted, as if she was really dead, waiting for my next move. I watched as her chest slightly rose and fell, then I had an idea. I leaned over to her face and quietly whispered "I think your clothes might be restricting your air flow. I’m going to have take them off." The smile that appeared on her face was the confirmation I needed. "Does she really like this?" I thought to myself. "Is she enjoying this as much as I do?" If that was indeed the case, then I might just well be the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet. Without anymore hesitation, I gently picked her head and body up and started taking her sweater off of her. Once it was off, I also took off her bra as well. It was white lace, the one she knew I liked. With her bra and sweater off, I gently lowered her down on the ground again. As her head touched the ground, she opened her eyes and looked at me. I moved my hand to gently caress her cheek. She put up her own hand to hold mine in place there. I then lowered my head and gently kissed her. A kiss full of love and compassion for one another. She trusted me, and I trusted her. After a few minutes like this, she closed her eyes again and went back into her "dead" state. It was back to work.

After two rescue breaths, I turned my attention once again to her chest. With her sweater and bra now off, her bare chest were now exposed and I once again found myself mesmerized by her tits. They were big (D-cup), soft, and round, and her pink nipples, thanks to being in the open air, were rock hard. I had the desire to start sucking on them, but I reminded myself to stick to the task at hand. A real medic wouldn’t stop to suck on their patient’s breast while they were in cardiac arrest. I think. Anyway, I once again put my hands over her sternum and began chest compressions, counting each one as I pushed her chest in. Her breasts jiggled which each compression, and her stomach bulged out slightly as her chest caved in. If I wasn’t turned on before. I definitely was now.

We continued our CPR roleplay for what felt like hours. As time ticked by, I got more into it. I was more urgent, I went a little faster with the chest compressions, I’d check her pulse and pretend like there still was none and resume CPR, I started calling out her name, and begging her to stay with me and to breathe. I was fully immersed in what we were doing, I was enjoying it, and I think she was too. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to have her right then and there. I went over to her lips, but instead of doing rescue breaths, I started kissed her. She was taken aback a little by this at first, but a second later, she started kissing back, wrapping her arms around me, and pulling me close while my hands caressed her cheeks as we kissed passionately. I pulled my shirt off and threw it aside, and began taking off my pants as she did the same. We were now fully naked in my dorm room, and we were making love after I had performed CPR on the woman of my dreams. I had never felt a higher feeling of satisfaction and pleasure as I had on that day.

After it was over, we laid there on the floor, panting, sweating, completely out of breath from the vigorous sex we’d just had. I got up, then proceeded to pick her up from off the ground and laid her down on my bed. I then went to bathroom, grabbed a towel, then went back and wiped off the sweat from her beautiful body. I asked her if she wanted any water, to which she replied yes. I went to the mini-fridge I had and grabbed a bottle for the both of us. Once she drank out of it, I had a swig as well. She then asked me if I wanted HER to dry ME off with the towel. I accepted, and she wiped the sweat off me as well. After she was done, she threw the towel to the side, and pulled me onto the bed. Once I was on, she wrapped her arms around me, and I did the same.

We laid there for a while in each other’s arms, not saying anything, but looking in each other’s eyes and occasionally taking turns kissing one another in whatever body part we felt like. After a while like this, she asked me a question: "How come you didn’t tell me about your fetish before?" I replied honestly, confessing that I thought she’d consider me some type of freak, and not want anything to do with me. She raised her hand to caress my cheek, told me that would’ve never happened. She loved me because she thought I was cute and funny and kind and fun to be around, and having fetish wouldn’t change any of that. She followed this by saying that she liked what we did, that there was something sexy about it, and that she wouldn’t mind doing it again. Her reassurance, combined with knowing that she indeed liked what we did… It hit hard. Before I knew it, I was crying. Someone had not only accepted me, but accepted my fetish too, and I couldn’t help but cry. She held me in her arms close to her chest, as the tears flowed from eyes, gently rubbing my head, and gently planting soft kisses on it. When the tears finally slowed down, we looked each other in the eyes again. Then I did something I had wanted to do for a while. I told her to lay on her back for a second, which she did. Then I placed my hand on her chest, right on top of where her beautiful heart was. I felt it beat under my hand. A steady 60 beats per minute. Then, I planted a kiss right on that spot. She asked me what that was, and I answered "I just kissed your heart." Once again, she pulled me in close, gave me the biggest hug anyone had ever given me and called me the cutest guy she’s ever met. We laid there for a few minutes, as I rested my head on her chest, listening to the sound of her heartbeat.

Though, as I laid there, I found myself thinking "What if I had to perform actual CPR on her? Would that ever happen? Would I be able to save her? Would I still have a resus fetish afterwards?" I forced myself to stop thinking about it, no way was I going to let thoughts like that ruin this moment. Luckily, it was then that she made a joke about how we were supposed to be studying, and instead had a fake medical emergency and sex. We laughed at this for a while before I asked her if she wanted to shower. She of course accepted my offer, and we headed to the bathroom, thoughts of what had happened today and what would happen in the future floating in our heads.

To be continued…

Next >

[malice-death]

RWBY: Song Analyis

Team JOYRide vs. The Sky is Falling

After rewatching Volumes 1-9, I decided I'm going to be talking about the amazedness that is Rwby Music.

Now to be honest I read many people talk about this song as if it is a Oscar or Ozpin song in some regards, but I think that it suits this one-time only team for the fact that the lyrics serve their purpose.

Of course, that is just pure speculation.

Now most people know what scene is tied to the song "The Sky is Falling", and that is the Oscar gets kidnapped scene.

Where Ren, Jaune, and Yang risk life and limb to get back their fourth teammate, because they don't want to allow him to fall to Salem's hands or get anymore hurt than he did last volume.

Now of course The Sky is Falling is only played for a short time in the scene and than the full album gives us the rest of the song.

And after listening to it to many times to count to get a good gist of it.

Its clear to see why it fits JOYRide, in the fact that they had to handle one of the biggest confrantions of the volume.

Even in the end, this was one of the hardest things to face in the series.

A talking grim that would later on be good by Ruby and the gang, but not before taking its toll on everyone.

But onward to speaking on how the song speaks about this team.

"Here comes another nightmare, another fever dream."

"The horror just won't stop, an endless scream."

The song starts off very bleak, cutting straight to the point, considering that they were facing a challenge that they couldn't just leave alone. A fight that they couldn't quite understand, making it feel like a nightmare, considering that they were losing someone close to them again.

"This is not subconscious, we're not imagining."

"We're wide awake this is reality."

The fact that they started off on a rough note, in facing the talking grim, they knew the closer they got to saving him, the more terrible their situation would become.

A reality they truly didn't think that they were about to face.

"Our world, lost without a soul. We're losing all control."

"Not getting closer."

The first part applies to the gang not having Ozpin there to help guide them, the second part refers to the fact that the world they thought they knew was falling apart.

And of course that they were not any near as close as to defeating any kind of high end villain.

"Everyday is just another source of torture."

Honestly, this one was kind on the noise, considering that since the start of Volume 8, everyone who sits on Team JOYRide, sort of already kind of suffer enough.

I mean they spend the most time actively fighting the force of evil, and getting really close to death several times even before they fight Salem.

"Now we pay the cost, the race is lost. This nightmare's our real life."

Oscar is the payment, because at the end of the attempted resue, Yang, Ren, and Jaune are all feeling defeated, and are feeling the effects of failure.

Yang thinks about Blake.

Jaune can't help but feel guilty about Oscar.

Ren still is trying to come to terms many things in his heart and mind.

Really this part marks the things that the trio face in their minds.

"Better cover up your eyes my friend, the sky is falling."

"Can't out run the ruin of our lives."

To be honest the song line is kind of a oxymoron in a way.

On one hand its telling you to cover your eyes, while on the other telling you that you can't out run what the effects of things you've done.

In other words, its talking about the fact that besides them losing Oscar, they have now brought a closer end to the world, in a way.

"Be prepared the final days are calling. Hold on now."

"The Sky is Falling Down."

This one pretains to Oscar in my opinon, because its really him whose days are numbered, and he wants to hold on to the future that he thinks could have.

But in the end, he still falls.

"A curse that's never ending. A plan with no escape."

"No sudden death, we're trapped in slow decay."

This is line goes to Ozma and all his people. They are cursed, can't escape through death, the slow decay being the merge.

"These words are not symbolic. The torment's all too real."

"Eternal enemy, our fate is sealed."

Back to the full team again, knowing what must be done, and seeing the grim aka Salem's inevitable arrival, they must make haste, knowing that the danger lays right int their paths.

"We slide, further down the hold."

"Damage takes its toll."

Like I said before, each single person in the team is suffering from many different things, and they know that it harms them.

But they can't help thinking this way.

Considering how life treats them in some matters.

"Helpless and Broken, failed to stem the tide of pain."

"The floodgate's open, now its one more sin as evil wins, and misery steals our lives."

The moment that Oscar is in the whale, is life is a joyride of pain and suffering, something that he can't help but take the beating.

While Ren and the rest wish to save Oscar, but Winter tries to fucking blow everyone up.

Goddamn it Ironwood, anyway the fact is that evil was winning and everyone was suffering in the process.

Didn't matter who it was.

"Lost all my hopes and dreams. Watch my life flash by in scenes."

This part is really Ozpin, he had lost everything, and through Jinn he saw all his/Ozma's failure all over again, the fact that there seemed to be nothing that they could do about the future.

"And it seems there's no soul on the video screen."

"But I'm green trying to figure out what all of this means."

And we're back to Oscar, who is sickened and scared of his future, the fact that his life was slowing going away from himself to someone clearly new. It seems like a good refernece to fear, which is I consider to be Oscar's song.

"Staring at the casket, hoping to move past it."

"Knowing things will never be the same, and that's it."

This one I can see is in reference to maybe Jaune and Ren, considering that death is a huge part of their lives, and that moving past other people's deaths seems to be something common in the series.

"Cold soaked as I'm standing in rain."

"Feeling nothing, but pain until I see you again."

This goes for the whole gang, since they all are missing someone important to them before the team JOYRide mission even begins.

For Jaune it was worrying about Nora's condition.

For Oscar it was everyone, Ironwood, Ozpin, Ruby, the list kind of goes on.

For Ren it was his anger at Jaune and his hurt about Nora.

Like man someone give these guys a break.

"Feel the waves crash, loud and hard."

"Oh God, lost control, I think I'm going to lose it."

The heavy weight of them facing the whale and grim around them, knowing what the cost was going to be in the end.

Considering that Oscar and Ozpin alike were slowly losing it.

"All my sanity's slipping away, Oh Lord, press record."

"I'll die without the music."

Back to Oscar and Ozpin, the "music" probably talking about the magic that they hold on.

Oscar was feeling worse, and decided to find the little things that would stop him from going crazy.

Talking about Jinn, trying to get someone to listen to him, him reciting the story of "The Girl who fell through the World".

"Each breath is closer to my death, in which is this life."

"There's none left."

This one is Oscar and crew.

Since every breath they took in that whale was close to their death, though sadly Oscar was closer to death than most.

"Let my demons live on through my legacy."

"Study my pedigree, I need therapy."

To be honest this final part, of the outstanding lyrics in this song is the fact that it ties to both Salem and Ozpin.

Because Salems live on with spreading demons.

Ozpin on the other hand feels guilty about helping create such a legacy due to who he is.

==============================================

The final verdict is that team JOYRide's arc of facing each other, facing Salem.

Teaming up with Emerald, all lead to being the most meat of the volume that would help us prepare for the future of these characters and the offical fall of Atlas.

In the end, thank you for listening to my rambles.

Always open for discussion on anything regarding RWBY.

And of course

Thank You Team JOYRide for allowing this post to be possible!

[yacinthemorning]

Mother Hen

Chapter 1 of 6

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Summary: 5 times Jimmy was almost the mom friend, if not for his other quirks.

Ships: Jimmy & Oli (Friendship)

Warnings: Temporary death

Oli had died.

Oli had gotten up.

Oli died. Again.

Oli. Got up.

Oli. Died. Again.

It never ended. He couldn’t even reach his friends long enough to join in their games before someone had a bow out and an arrow through his heart. A screech escaped him as he woke up once more in his – well, someone’s – bed, the image of Scott's obnoxious little smirk while someone else insisted there would be no more killing seared into his brain.

He was done. Fool him thrice and none shall survive. No more mister nice bard. It was time to pay it back. Go sicko mode. Push up their poppies – wait, was that a threat or innuendo? Oli shook his head clear, loading up the first crossbow he found. Who cares! Scott was going to die.

Joe – beautiful, princely, wonderful Joe – glided down from the heavens like an angel of enabling, landing in the snow with a soft thump and not-so-soft sigh. Elytra were already in his hands. Oli swore a beam of sun illuminated them like a beacon.

“Another mishap, Oli?” Joe asked as he handed over the emergency supplies.

“Oh, thank you Joe, my sweet prince.” Oli sang, running his fingers along the chainmail draped over his arm. Somehow it produced the right notes. “Oh, woe is me, Joe. Woe. Is. Me. For I have been betrayed by those I once called friend! Brrrother, even!”

Joe shook his head. “Hate it when that happens.”

“Indeed! Only you understand me, Joe.” Oli swooned against the man’s shoulder, squeezing a single tear out of his eye to wipe away with a gasp.

Their beautiful moment was interrupted by the wretched screech of their communicators. Joe held his up to check, Oli leaning over awkwardly to look at his rather than pull his own out.

SolidarityGaming: Oli, are you alright? 

SolidarityGaming: We put your stuff in a chest. Do you need me to bring it over?

SolidarityGaming: We’re heading to the gaming district if you want to rejoin.

Smajor1995: I think Oli blocked me lol

Smajor1995: Get gud.

Oli saw red.

He snapped his head to Joe, who jumped. “I need your help.”

Much-longer-than-he-hoped later, Oli was beelining for the gaming district, enchanted weaponry filling his inventory.

He never got there. So focused on his righteous revenge was he that, when he spotted his target getting ready to play Panda Resue, he forgot to pay attention and slammed face first into a wall.

He. Died. Again.

Before he could even look at the messages blaring across the screen of his communicator Oli punched the mute button on Scott’s profile, and logged out of Hermitcraft.

In the home void he immediately began to scream, and then scream again because the first was not nearly loud enough. He did so again and again until he could feel his rage ebb away into exhaustion. With a last pitiful whine, he slumped down to the fl- grou-… ceaseless-abyss-upon-which-he-could-nevertheless-stand. He thought for a moment that it perhaps flashed a little too violet and gold, but that was probably the headache he had now given himself.

No! T’was all Scott’s doing! He’s the one who shot me which led to my current predicament! He reassured himself.

His communicator buzzed. What was it now? Couldn’t he be left to wallow fabulously in his sorrows alone? I swear if it’s Scott on some alternate account-

SolidarityGaming: Oli, that got way out of hand, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Do you need to talk? We can stop the game day now if you want.

For a brief moment all of Oli’s anger melted away into a smile. “Oh, silly sweet Jimbo.” He whispered to himself, before beginning to type up a message.

-

“Jimmy, come on!” Somebody shouted over Jimmy’s shoulder, but he paid them no mind. He nervously tapped his foot, staring down at his communicator. Maybe he should send another message? Should they call the game day off entirely?

Jimmy never expected Oli to completely log off. The frustration in his friend had been evident even before the last bout of violence at False’s boat race, he should have done more to stop it then and there. Why did I try to use the sheriff’s voice? No one listens to the sheriff! Especially not on Hermitcraft!

Well, no one really listened to Jimmy, either, but maybe the seriousness of the situation might have come across more clearly before it all got out of hand.

A hand patted him on the shoulder. Scott stood there with a quirked eyebrow, other hand on his hip. “You good? We’re deciding what to play next.”

“I think Oli’s actually upset.” He admitted quickly. It wasn’t until then that he realized how tensely he was holding his wings, but they were beginning to ache. “Like actually for real angry. I feel awful.”

“I’m sure he’s fine.”

“He logged out entirely, Scott!”

“I mean he also blocked me, but he’ll get over it. You know he loves being dramatic.”

But Jimmy wasn’t convinced. Sure, Oli enjoyed dramatics and silliness, as did Jimmy himself. But not everyone was as okay with being the butt of a joke as Jimmy was, and even he had begun to feel a bit frustrated at his last death. It was all supposed to be fun and games. If Oli was really upset…

At that moment Jimmy received a message the same moment everyone’s communicator informed them Oli had logged back on.

TheOrionSound: You guys have fun, I’m gonna be building back at the village.

The feathers along Jimmy’s spine puffed up. “He’s really upset.” He insisted, turning to Scott who had been joined by the rest by then. “Come on, let’s bring him his stuff and apologize.” 

Jimmy was too worried to give the groans of his friends any mind, launching up into the air immediately. The sound of rockets behind him were the only thing that told him they followed, too focused on trying to figure out where the village was in relation to the gaming district.

Eventually he managed to get there, some of his companions reaching it before him. One of them was Scott, sat up on a ledge while Oli pointedly ignored him in favour of the platform he was laying down. The elf only seemed amused by the cold shoulder, still not taking the situation seriously.

“Oli?” Jimmy called, landing next to his pouting friend. His wings hovered nervously over his shoulders, unsure how close Oli was comfortable with them being right then. “Are you okay?”

“He’s moping.” Scott drawled, leaning against the hill.

“Why hello, dear little Jimothy, how lovely to see you!” Oli said, chipper smile stretched painfully across his face. “Oh, hello there, Scott! My, you’re awfully quiet today aren’t you?”

Scott laughed. “Oh my gosh, he muted me?”

“Listen, Oli, I’m really sorry.” Jimmy fiddled with his vest nervously, glancing between his two friends. “Scott- Scott is too. I know you can’t hear him but he’s saying “I’m sorry Oli.””

Scott rolled his eyes, a strange little noise escaping him.

“He is?” Oli asked curiously.

“Yes, yes, he’s saying it. He’s saying… uh…” Jimmy turned to Scott, motioning with a grimace, hoping he would suck it up and say an apology. Or anything he could tell Oli, for that matter.

But Scott was evidently still in a silly mood. He giggled out, “Oh, you’re speaking to him for me? What if I said something awful?”

Oh no.

Jimmy stiffened, begging with his eyes for Scott to just apologize.

“Well, what did he say?” Oli huffed.

“He said, um…”

Scott cupped his mouth and shouted, “I hate the gays!”

Jimmy let out an indignant squawk, “I’m not saying that!” He shouted back.

Before anyone knew what was going on a flaming arrow slammed into Scott’s side, followed by another hitting the hill behind him. 

Chaos, confusion, and giggles broke out among the group. Joe continued to fire while Scott tried to explain through his fit of hysterics that it was okay. Everyone else was just trying not to get hit or fall over with laughter.

In the chaos Oli had taken cover under Jimmy’s wing. “What’s going on!?”

Jimmy crouched down, bringing the pair into a small, feathery cocoon to explain while the others sorted the mess out on their own. “Nothing, Scott was just trying to get me to say something very rude.” He tried to explain. 

Poor Joe’s embarrassment could be felt even through the few words that made it into the cocoon. Jimmy tried to ignore it. Later. For now, he placed a hand on Oli’s shoulder blade, giving it a comforting rub. “Anyways, though. Oli, we really are sorry. We didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand.”

“Jimmy thinks you’re actually angry.” Sausage’s voice and face poked through the feathers, giving the pair a kind smile.

“No, no, I’m fine now. All just a bit of fun.” Oli insisted, though Jimmy wasn’t sure if it was true or the sake of amicability. A smirk stretched across the bard’s face, and he pressed his index finger against Jimmy’s nose. “Although really, this all started cause you put a hit out on me.”

Jimmy stiffened, feathers flattening in shame. He hung his head. “Oh gosh, yeah. I did, didn’t I? I’m so sorry Oli.”

“It’s fine, Jimbo.”

“I feel awful, though. I’ll make it up to you I swear.”

Oli gave him a look, like he was thinking very very hard. It was all for theatrics, it seemed, as he let out a small ding, imitating a lightbulb. “Well then, you can make it up to me by meeting up here, tomorrow, before you go to the rat house. Okay?”

“You got it, buddy. I’ll be there.”

“But, uh, I really am gonna hang out here for the rest of the day. Really gotta finish my place, I’m way behind and kinda tired.”

Oh. Oli really hadn’t been angry. Jimmy felt a small heat rise to his cheeks. “Okay mate, whatever you want. If you need help with anything just ask.”

“Actually,” Oli began as they stood up, Jimmy unravelling his wings now that the chaos outside seemed to have settled. Cleo and Scott seemed to be busy assuring Joe while the rest had run off. “Not you, but do you think you could get me in touch with that rancher of yours? I heard he’s the guy to ask for what I need.”

“Tango?” Jimmy asked in surprise. “Uh, sure, I could.”

“Great! Thanks, Jimbo!” Oli snickered. He was up to something. Jimmy didn’t stick around to try and figure out what, though. He waved goodbye with one last apology and flew off with the remaining troublemakers.

Now completely alone, Oli clapped his hands together in excitement. “Alright, time to work my bard-y magic on this gift.” He cheered, finding himself newly invigorated to get their sheriff’s secret Santa just right. All he needed now was the piano and recordificator…

[sweet-nightmheart]

STOP WITH THIS DANGEROUS BULLSHIT!!!

Since i am in this "community" i met some beautiful person and people who understands what is right and what is wrong, and people that understands with its head...BUT i've also saw a lot of shitheads, that (without ANY medical knowledge and completely brainless!) think that is "funny" and "cool", posting stupid pics or videos where (i repeat without ANY MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE!) they do VERY dangerous practice on the body of other people! 😣🤦😫

I'm talking about those stupid "resus fans" that think is cool to make a RCP to people that is CONSCIOUS, without making any damage to the others....and they're absolutely wrong! Because if they had even a minimum medical knowledge, they'd know that is EXTREMELY dangerous to make a rcp (even with soft compressions) on a beating heart and that damages by making this CAN appear even after many time..and these are real FACTS! Try to ask to every medical doctor if you don't believe me

I'm a paramedic as every day job, i've studied YEARS to become that, and this is the difference between knowledge and to do these things for "pleasure" or because it's "cool", for those "resus suckers" or "dark/extreme" brainless cardiophiles!

Do you wanna know how many times, we as paramedic (and emergency doctors or reanimators that work with us) are called with the ambulance, because of these stupid "games" that someone can think it's an innocent game, and instead can make more damages than other?? Luckilly, not all the times it has consequences, BUT many time is happened, so STOP to do this bullshit! Try to ask yourself, why on an inconscious person, when after the rcp the heart begins to beat again, you have IMMEDIATELY to stop the rcp...try to ask yourself, why paramedics,emt's and simple rescuers have to make a course/training and study to become that ones...and not anyone can become one!

So, i don't give a damn about you, i don't give a damn about losing possible "followers" or things like these (i prefer to potentially save a life than losing some "follower") since today i will REPORT to Tumblr EVERY stupid pics or videos of "resus" and cpr made by others on other people (not the ones made by someone on theirselves)...so maybe someone will understand that this thing it's extremely dangerous, even if "light" and "fake" compressions, because damages by that can appear even after many time after this "practice", but if you don't study,you will never know it! If you want to change my mind, go, study, graduate in medicine or nursing, become a doctor,a nurse or an emt and try to say (and demonster!) the opposite! 💩🖕

[isshebreathing]

Sharing my first resus story, please be kind:

Bringing up our child pt: 1

We sat together on the sofa trying to avoid the heat. Both sprawled out in nothing but a tank top and underwear, her bulging belly mounted in the center of her body like a rapidly growing hill to climb.

I was the one who wanted to give birth to a child, she would have been perfectly fine with adoption, but I was so desperate to experience a pregnancy my weak heart could never support that she agreed to carry our child.

Pregnancy had been awful for Lizzy, I knew it but she never complained, she would never complain because she loved me that much. She sat up suddenly and asked for antacids, it wasn’t uncommon so we’d started keeping them all around the house like little candy jars. She chews two and sits up to get more comfortable, despite siting directly in front of the air conditioner and a fan I notice beads of sweat forming on her forehead. These hot flashes had been happening at night, she’d wake up covered in sweat, make her way to the bathroom and take a cold shower, then make her way back, to bed I’d sit with her in the bathroom and offer to get her ice or a cold washcloth but she always declined, “just need to wash the sweat off” she’d say.

She was usually so reluctant to accept help, which was why I was surprised when she asked me to get her a cold washcloth and some ice.

As soon as I got back panic began to rise in my throat, she had shifted from the sofa to the floor on all fours, panting as her body started to drip with sweat. “Call for help,” she said weakly, “I can’t get up.”

“911 can you please give me your address?”

“1217 east main st, my wife is pregnant and something is wrong, please send someone to help, she looks really bad, she can’t get up and she’s dripping with sweat.”

“Okay ma’am I need you to stay calm, is you wife breathing?”

“Yes she is, she’s on the floor on her hands and knees, she can’t get up, she’s breathing really heavily”

Lizzy looks up at me with pleading in her eyes and doesn’t try to reassure me, I know something must really be wrong.

“Ma’am I need you to give me this info okay”

My mind snaps back into the phone call as I realize the dispatcher is trying to get information from me.

“How far along is she?”

“Six months, she’s due in September, she hasn’t had anything like this happen before, please hurry, I have a heart condition and I cannot help her up”

“Ma’am they are coming as fast as they can…”

I panic further as Lizzy’s eyes roll back in her head and she face plants into the floor, letting out a horrific groan and violently seizing

“Oh my god send help now she’s having a seizure”

“Okay ma’am you’re going to have to be calm to help her okay,”

“Don’t tell me go calm down bitch, my wife and child are seizing uncontrollably on the floor, I will freak out as much as I can thank you.” I think to myself.

“Is she still seizing?”

“Yes.” I snap back, “Oh fuck how long has it been”

“Okay I need you to roll her on her side and make sure there’s nothing in her mouth that she can choke on.”

I grab her back under her bloated belly and heave her onto her left side, she continues shaking and gasping in a horrific noise, I pry her mouth open and sweep my finger through it as a sickeningly pale foam gorges out.

The seizing slows but she continues to gasp horrible breaths, desperate for air. Her body goes limp as she desperately tries to pull air into her lungs one last time. Her eyes glaze over as she stares off into something that I cannot see.

I push my two fingers to the side of her throat to confirm my worst fear, her heart has stopped.

“Fuck she’s in cardiac arrest, send someone now!” I scream to the dispatcher as I rush to the front closet to get the “just in case” kit that Lizzy put there after one of my episodes. “Unlock the front door” a large note says on top, reminding me to open the house for the paramedics that I pray would be here soon. A wave of appreciation for my wife’s continuing fear that I would suddenly drop dead washed over me.

I rush back to her and I see her lying there sickingly still and with a blank stare as her body rapidly turns a horrifying gray/blue color.

“Ma’am can you hear me? What is happening now?”

I realize I haven’t responded to the dispatcher since screaming about Lizzy going into cardiac arrest.

“She’s in cardiac arrest, we have a defibrillator and a breathing kit, I have a very weak heart, I need help now”

“Ma’am they’re coming as fast as they safely can, what is happening now”

I flip Lizzy on her back and try to stay calm as the mound of her belly turns the same sickingly gray/blue color as the rest of her body. I rip off her top and have a bashful moment as her milk swollen breasts flop off to the sides, distracted for a moment by how beautiful my wife’s full and soft body was. I put one AED pad in between her breasts and lifting her up gently to place one between her shoulder blades. Putting one on her side like is usually advised would risk the shock jumping over to the baby and forcing the fetal heart rate out of control. The shock had to go directly into Lizzy’s heart to try and convince it to start.

“Analyzing rhythm, do not touch patient.”

The wait seems like hours before it says “shock advised”

I hesitate before pushing the flashing button, a shock goes through Lizzy jolting her limbs in an unnatural form as the mound in her belly shakes.

“Check pulse, if no pulse continue CPR”

I stick my fingers below her chin and feel nothing.

“Fuck please send someone now, I have a very weak heart I can’t do much CPR”

The dispatcher replies but I don’t comprehend what she says as I lock both of my hands over her chest and push down as hard and as fast as my weak and pathetic body will allow me to.

“One and two and three and four…” I count to myself, it’s the only thing from my YMCA CPR class that has stuck. I get to thirty and I swipe my finger through her mouth again removing more yellowish foam that I now notice has red streaks in it.

I tilt her head back and pinch her nose shut, I can feel my heart weakly pounding as I cover her mouth with mine and weakly breathing into her as her chest rises, I repeat the action again, then frantically comtinue compressions “one and two and three and four and…”

The defibrillator pipes up with its computerized voice again, “analyzing rhythm, do not touch patient.” I feel weirdly comforted that I have this sentient machine by my side.

Another agonizing few seconds pass before the machine says “shock advised” as the machine is powering up I look in the orange bag my wife diligently packed never expecting it to be used to sustain her own life, I see an ambu bag attached to a mouthpiece and another little bag with a hose attached and a note that says “O2 concentrator” I connect the tube to my oxygen concentrator and turn it on I hear the loud air intake noise as I push “shock” again.

The shock is stronger this time, Lizzy’s body contorts again in an unnatural surge. I push my fingers into her corroded again and feel nothing. I stick the plastic piece into her mouth to keep her tongue out of the way and slip it into the mask, and then squeeze the bag as two deep oxygenated breaths make her chest rise more than my pathetic weak lungs could ever imagine.

I lock my hands in the center of her chest again and start compressions “one and two and three and four and…” I can feel my heart start to murmur and skip from the strain.”

“Somebody please help” I scream in desperation, the thought of losing both my wife and child slips through my mind as I pump her chest harder, fully prepared to kill myself in order to save them.

My head starts to spin as I fill her lungs with another breath from the ambu bag. There’s a ringing in my ears as I start my weak compressions again “one and two and three and four and…” I feel my body weaken knowing it will never be enough. “I’m so sorry Lizzy” I thought as I failed to keep her heart beating for either her or our child.

I feel a hand on my shoulder pull me back as a hand puts an oxygen mask over my face as I gasp to fill my useless lungs with air. Someone shoves a nitroglycerin tablet into my mouth and slips a pulse ox meter on my finger.

“That’s it honey, deep breaths, just like that” they say.

I weakly try to remove the oxygen mask and choke out the words “no, her, baby”

“They’re on it” the woman moves aside to reveal three paramedics surrounding Lizzy and working in a perfectly choreographed dance.

One woman pounds on Lizzy’s chest so hard her breasts and belly cave in as a sicking “huf huf huf” sound escapes her mouth with each compression.

Another man kneels buy her feet with a stethoscope to her belly.

“We have a fetal heartbeat, holding steady at about 100, baby’s very stressed though.

I am suddenly terrified for the life of my child. “Please stay alive baby,” I thought, “I will give my weakly beating heart to keep you alive”

I continue to suck up oxygen through the mask as I feel my chest start to open and my heart return to a normal pace. I notice Lizzy’s feet bending inward with each intense compression as they rock her whole body. I see another medic tilt Lizzy’s head back and slip a metal hook into it to force her jaw open and insert a plastic tube. She suctions up the blood and foam that had been blocking Lizzy’s throat, then hooked up an ambu bag and forced precious air into her lungs.

“STAND CLEAR” someone yells and I see them blast another shock through her heart. This one was stronger than the others and her body jolted and then hit the ground flopping uselessly like a rag doll.

I watch in a haze until the words “we have a sinus rhythm, let’s pack up for transport.” snap me back into reality.

The paramedic kneeling next to me says”we have your wife and baby back but they’re still in a lot of danger, we are going to take them to the hospital now. You are going to follow them, your heart rate is very high and your pulse ox is very low.

[defibrillation-and-lactation]

After the Mission

story idea by nhattan212 on deviantart

Trigger Warning: medical/resus content below

It was late Fall. The sun started settling down. Lian had finished up with her tasks for the day. Her main mission that day didn’t go as planned. She barely came back to her HQ and with minimal success to show for it. She was mildly beaten by the guards while in combat.

She drives back to HQ in the van she drove to get to her work destination. She walks into her superior’s office for debriefing. After some questions and data collection, her superior sends her off to the infirmary for a medical examination.

She then takes the elevator to the infirmary and waits to get called in. After several minutes passed, a nurse opens the door and brings her in. The nurse then checks her blood pressure, weight and temperature. Nothing completely out of the ordinary there. Next, the nurse tells her to wait for the doctor to come in and examine her. After several minutes, a male doctor walks in and greets her.

“Hello miss! What brings you in here today?”

I just came back from some rough work. My boss just wants me to get examined for any signs of injury that I’m not aware of.” Lian says.

After hearing that, the doctor wastes no time to inspect her.

Can you please take off your suit? The doctor asks.

“Sure.” Lian says

She starts unzipping her suit. She takes off her bra as well, revealing her bare breasts and belly. Next, her bottom comes off. She shimmies out of her pants, showing her legs, leaving her now nearly naked with only panties on.

Lian hops onto the exam bed and lays down on her back. The cold, yet soft bed makes goosebumps rise up all across her body. The doctor presses his fingers into her stomach. It’s tender, yet springy. As his hands firmly push across her belly, some light groans were let out by Lian. The doctor was applying pressure to places where Lian was struck during combat.

“Does it hurt around here?” The doctor says, gently pressing on the parts where Lian was moaning at.

“Just a tad. I think that’s where I was hit while I was fighting out there.” Lian says quietly.

“I see.” The doctor says, looking at the light bruises on the side of her stomach.

The doctor then puts on his stethoscope to listen to her heart. He presses it against her chest, the cold metal piece made her shiver a little and more goosebumps popped up on her upper body. As he listened to her chest, he heard a rested, slow but steady heart. It was beating slightly hardly than normal. He moved on to her stomach. He pressed it deeply into her belly, sending shivers to her hips. He listened to her abdominal sounds, hearing nothing out of the ordinary.

“I want to investigate further, but because I know there is some pain in your stomach, can I put you to sleep?” The doctor asks.

Of course. Some sleep is definitely what I want right now too! Haha!” She responds.

“Alright great! Nurse Angie! Can you bring this patient to exam room C? And help me gas her up! I want to do some more thorough examinations on her.” The doctor ordered.

On it, doc! Angie said in response.

​She brings Lian to the other exam room and help her get comfortable on the table. The doctor helps the nurse get the anesthesia ready. They put the mask over Lian and make her sleep quickly.

The doctor pulls out a pen light from his coat. He opens each eye and shines it in them. Her pupils shrunk a little slower than normal, but not too slow to worry about. After that, they hook her up to an ECG above. Three leads were stuck on her chest. As the doctor listens to her heartbeat via stethoscope, the ECG explained what was going on inside. Her heart was in a slow, irregular looking state of bradycardia. Her breathing was a bit shallow and slow, so the doctor slid a tube down her still throat with ease. He attached the tube to a ventilator and boosted her oxygen levels a bit.

“Angie, go prep the AED, she needs a little shock.” The doctor orders.

Nurse Angie grabs the AED from the counter and brings it back to the table. She opens it up and starts getting it ready.

The pads were taken out and placed on Lian’s chest. One above her left breast and another below her right breast. The defibrillator is turned on and it starts analyzing her heart. The small display indicated it was irregular and a shock was advised. The doctor overrided it’s controls and manually set a charge for 200 joules. He waited a few seconds to let it fully charge up. Once it was ready, he pressed the big yellow button on the AED and watched as Lian’s body twitched for a split second. He looked back at the monitor and saw little change in rhythm. He charged the defibrillator higher to 300 joules. He shocks her again. This time, her body bounces up a bit, falling straight back down on the bed. Her breasts jiggled freely coming back down. As the doctor looked up to check her heart, he was met with the sound of a flatline. Her heart had now stopped completely.

Acting quickly, the doctor grabs a shot of epinephrine and injects it into Lian. He then quickly gets down to compressions and gives her a few rounds of CPR. He pushes deeply down on her chest, rapidly forcing air in and out of her lungs. Her chest and stomach repeatedly rose and fell as the cycles continued. The ECG went wild, showing each and every compression he gave to her. After a couple cycles of CPR, an alarm on the ECG sounded. She was now in ventricular fibrillation.

The doctor swiftly gets back on the AED and charges it once again at 300 joules. Pressing that big yellow button again, Lian’s upper body jumps up off the bed as the electricity courses through her chest, straight to her fibrillating heart. Her fingers and toes seize and curl up. She crashes back down, bouncing gently from the impact.

The alarms had stopped. There were now only slow, steady beats. The doctor looked up and saw a normal heartbeat. She was starting to breath on her own now.

Grabbing his penlight, the doctor shines it into her eyes. They move rather slowly, but it’s not too concerning. He steths her chest, hearing that slow and steady heart start working properly again. He then steths her stomach, hearing a very thin, weak abdominal pulse. He pushes his fingers deep around her smooth belly, feeling for any abnormalities now. It was at this point that he realized, Lian was not very responsive to anything. He declared her to be comatose right there on the exam table.

“Nurse! Can you please transfer this patient to a recovery room? She’s in a coma and needs careful attention.” The doctor requests.

“I’m on it!” A nurse from down the hall replies.

Lian was taken off the ventilator and ET tube, being given an oxygen mask instead. She was stripped completely naked and covered loosely with a hospital gown. She was then transferred to a bed and was closely monitored until she woke up a few weeks later.

[brokenbuttonsmusic]

Howard Tate: A Philadelphia Soul Resurrection

This post is a near- transcript of the Broken Buttons: Buried Treasure Music podcast (episode 1, side B). Here you’ll find the narration from the segment featuring the great Philadelphia soul singer Howard Tate, along with links, videos, photos and references for the episode.

Listen to the full episode on Spotify, Anchor or Mixcloud.

Music history is packed with bands and artists that had the talent, the songs and even the fully realized recordings to make it big, only to be passed over. Some miss their window, or worse, some get their big break, but somehow  self-destruct or fail to capitalize on it. It’s the reason why I decided to do this show. There is so much overlooked and under appreciated music out there to be found and enjoyed.

This next artist doesn’t quite hit any of those scenarios exactly though. Howard Tate got his break and made it happen. Howard Tate hit big and he hit fast. Tate said he came home from work one day and a big limousine was sitting in front of his door. 

“You gotta get in here right away. You gotta get a suit. You’re playing with Marvin Gaye tomorrow night.”

Between 1966 and 1970 Howard Tate had six top 40 R&B singles. And then he disappeared. Plunging into obscurity, almost as quickly as he soared within sight of the summit. Tate never completely crossed over. While he regularly appeared on the R&B charts, the highest he ever placed on the Pop charts was #63. 

Let’s start our dive into Tate, by hearing his highest charting single. One of three top 20 R&B hits in his catalog. This is Ain’t Nobody Home by Howard Tate. 

Ain’t Nobody Home by Howard Tate.

Here’s what the Rough Guide to Soul & R&B has to say about that recording and the chemistry of the whole crew who made it happen.

“With a groove laid down by keyboardist Richard Tee, guitarist Cornell Dupree, bassist Chuck Rainey and drummer Herb Lovell, the production of Ain’t Nobody Home by Jerry Ragovoy both borrowed from and influenced the music coming from Memphis and Muscle Shoals, and set the precedent for Atlantic’s first recordings with Aretha Franklin. While the music was great, however, it was Tate’s vocals that made the record. Sounding like a less overwrought Percy Sledge, Tate’s simultaneously Northern and Southern phrasing was impeccable, and economical use of his falsetto made it all the more effective.”

Tate had the voice, which many compared to Sam Cooke and Marvin Gaye. He also had a distinctive gospel-blues delivery that sticks with you for days. But the tunes came from somewhere else.

Before his quick ascent, Tate was singing in a group with Garnet Mimms. Mimms was the original singer of the Janis Joplin hit,  Cry Baby. He also introduced Howard to record producer Jerry Ragovoy, who co-wrote Cry Baby. Ragovoy is known for writing Time is On My Side for the Rolling Stones and another Joplin hit, Piece of My Heart. Clearly Janis liked the songwriting of Jerry Ragovoy. In fact, she also performed this Ragovoy composition that you’ve probably come across at one time or another.

That’s Janis Joplin singing Get It While You Can from her massive second album Pearl in 1971. What you might not know is that Get it While you Can was originally performed by Howard Tate, five years earlier in 1966.

Ragovoy was taken with Tate’s voice and began recording him as a solo artist for Verve Records. Ragovoy’s memorable, punchy Northern soul production paired with Tate’s soulful blues phrasing was a perfect match.

Here’s Howard Tate’s version, the original version, of the Jerry Ragovoy penned Get It While You Can.

That was Howard Tate with Get It While You Can from the 1966 album of the same name.

American rock critic Robert Christgau had this to say about Tate and his collaboration with Jerry Ragovoy.

“Tate is a blues-drenched Macon native who had the desire to head north and sounds it every time he gooses a lament with one of the trademark keens that signify the escape he never achieved. He brought out the best in soul pro Jerry Ragovoy, who made Tate's records jump instead of arranging them into submission, and gave him lyrics with some wit to them besides. In return, Ragovoy brought out the best in Tate.”

Despite the magical team up on early singles and a debut album, Tate recorded his second album without Ragovoy, instead working with Lloyd Price and Johnny Nash. Released in 1969, Howard Tate’s Reaction is more uptown soul than the grittier southern soul of its predecessor, but it’s another recognition worthy collection of performances.

Ragovoy and Tate reunited for 1972’s eponymous Howard Tate. This time an Atlantic release. Critics knock this album as being a notch below Ragovoy’s best songwriting, but I think it’s a worthy piece of Tate’s catalog. Tate sounds great, as always, and there are a couple of really explosive, interesting covers. The Band’s Jemima Surrender and this one.

Bob Dylan’s Girl From the North Country. Listen to this voice.

Howard Tate covering Bob Dylan’s Girl From the North County from 1972.

After recording a handful of additional songs—one single for Epic and a few for his own label—Tate retired from the music business. Frustrated with his lack of crossover, but downright bitter about how little he was paid for his successes, which again, included 3 top 20 R&B hits—he quit. Disappeared, really.

But not everyone was ready to forget. And while his name would fade from memories over the coming decades, Howard Tate’s impact was undeniable.

One of Tate’s heroes, BB King, covered Ain’t Nobody Home. So did Bonnie Raitt.

Ry Cooder and Grand Funk covered Look At Granny Run Run

Jimi Hendrix covered Stop

Foghat covered Eight Days on the Road and so did the one and only queen if soul.

And not everyone forgot. Tate’s old partner, record producer and chief songwriter Jerry Ragovoy made many attempts to track down his old friend over the years. He contacted old business associates and got them in on the search. They all came up empty.

A New Jersey DJ named Phil Casden had developed somewhat of an obsession with Tate’s whereabouts. Casden hosted a weekly radio show, spinning soul, blues and R&B and had taken to asking his listeners for any information about the missing (by this time) cult soul legend.

Even Verve, Tate’s old record company, had given up trying to track down the long retired crooner. The 1995 CD reissue of Tate’s Verve sessions included liner notes that flat out said: Howard Tate is probably dead.

''It wasn't sufficient to leave a story like that open-ended,'' Mr. Casden said. ''I had to find out: 'Is the guy alive? Is he dead?' There had to be something more than, 'He just rode off into the sunset.' ''

In 2001 the mystery was solved. Ron Kennedy, singer of Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes recognized Tate at a grocery store and the old pals played catch up after nearly 30 years. They exchanged numbers. Kennedy put the New Jersey DJ, Casden, in touch with Tate. Casden enthusiastically announced the good news to his listeners and the soul fanatics across the internet. Howard Tate was alive! He even put Tate in touch with a lawyer to help him recoup past royalties from his reissues.

Apparently Tate had quite a loyal following overseas. Eventually, a British journalist reached out to Tate’s old partner-producer Jerry Ragovoy for a reaction. The only problem was, Ragovoy didn’t have a reaction to give because he didn’t know Tate had been found. Ragovoy was elated at the news. After reconnecting with his long lost friend and confirming he was doing well, the next thing on his mind: could Howard Tate still sing?

Before we answer that, let’s answer this: where had Tate been all those years after walking away from the music?

After becoming resentful and disheartened by his missing paydays, Tate decided to go missing himself. He didn’t intentionally go into hiding, he just bailed on the industry that he felt wronged had him.

He worked as a securities dealer with Prudential for a while and then darkness hit. He lost his 13-year-old daughter in a house fire. In 1981, after 20 years, his marriage fell apart. Soon after, Tate unraveled too. He tumbled into drug addiction and lost everything. He lived on the streets for years, struggling to get by and feed his habit. Finally, in the mid 90s, he started to climb out of the hole. He cleaned up and found god. He became a minister and dedicated his life to helping the poor and homeless.

And that brings us up to the moment of his big reunion with Jerry Ragovoy and loyal fans awareness that Howard Tate was alive and well after all those years. But now more than your die hard R&B/soul enthusiasts were interested.

But did he still have that voice? Could Howard still sing?

Uh, yeah. Jerry Ragovoy was stunned at how strong Tate sounded after decades of being out of the game. And he was REALLY out of the game. Howard claims he never sang a note all those years. Not until Jerry approached him about recording a comeback album and got him into the studio. Tate also says he had no clue that Janis, B.B., Jimi, Ry or any of the others had ever covered his songs or took an interest in his music.

Howard and Jerry recorded a new album in 2003. It’s called Rediscovered. And remember that Elvis Costello quote from the intro to this episode? Elvis called Tate the missing link between Jackie Wilson and Al Green. Tate asked Costello to write a song for his new album and he agreed. 

Let’s here that now. From his comeback album, Rediscovered, more than 3 decades in the making, here’s Howard Tate with Either Side of the Same Town, written by Elvis Costello.

That was Either Side of the Same Town from Howard Tate’s first album after 30 hears away from the music business. But not his last.

Tate had quite the victory lap. He made numerous tv, radio and festival appearances in the ten years after his reemergence. He recorded two more studio full lengths and a live album. On December 2nd, 2011, Tate passed away of complications of multiple myeloma and leukemia.

With a superb first act and a spectacular resurrection that led to the near doubling of his recorded output, there’s plenty of Tate music to check out and enjoy.

Other sources for this segment are listed below.

I referenced several NPR features in this episode, including the obituary they did for Tate. 

Deep Southern Soul - This blog did a great post on Howard Tate. Lots of other good stuff here, but they recently announced they are closing up.

Gadfly Online - Another nice write up on Tate and his back story.

New Jersey new feature - The clip of Howard talking is from this segment. They did a feature on Tate’s rediscovery.

Trunkworthy - Post about Tate and his comeback. This site digs into music, movies and TV you might have missed. They also did a post about the Elvis Costello song featured in this episode. Elvis’ version is on The Delivery Man album. 

New York Times Obituary for Howard Tate

The Guardian Obituary for Howard Tate

Billboard Magazine, July 26, 2003 - Article about Howard’s return after 30 years.

[msjr0119]

WIP Wednesday Thursday

A/N: Quite a few people have asked me when such and such a series is returning. I’ve decided for this WIP, I’m going to do a little update on all series/prompts that I have in progress- I’ve been pretty useless at keeping up with them all. I’ve got a lot going on in my life at the moment, and I’m surprised that I’ve even managed to string a sentence together and keep up with reading as best as I can 😬

Warnings: adult language, mention of sex. #LONGASSPOST!

Thanks for the tags @loveellamae @thecordoniandiaries @kacie-0156 @glaimtruelovealways ❤️

I’m just tagging my combined tag list as I don’t know who’s been tagged (sorry if you’ve already been tagged!) - if you want to play along- feel free 😊

@pedudley @annekebbphotography @kingliam2019 @burnsoslow @kimmiedoo5 @lodberg @walker7519 @drakewalkerisreal @axwalker @bascmve01 @ladyangel70 @texaskitten30 @yukinagato2012 @indiacater @queenjilian @drakewalker04 @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @rainbowsinthestorm @desireepow-1986 @jared2612 @twinkle-320 @princessleac1 @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @princess-geek @bebepac @nikkis1983 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @seriouslybadchoices

*****

Series

A Second Chance

Holding her hand, he assumed that she would push him away- instead she snuggled into him.

“Do... do you think he loves me? Or was he only with me because they thought he would be King...daddy told me that he is different to them. That he could see that Theo loved me....”

“Your father knew?”

“He knew for years... Mom only knew when I told her that I was abdicating. She had an inkling that I was in a relationship. She believed it was with Jackson though... but he’s seeing Elena.”

“Why didn’t he tell your Mom? You know your Mom thinks that you and Theo are just a fling or so she hopes...Jackson’s seeing Elena?”

“I begged him not to. I know how much Mom hates Madeleine and Neville hence why we kept it a secret all this time. Yeah, I thought you’d have known?”

“What is it with you lot keeping secrets? Any other secrets that I need to know about?”

“Bartie lost his virginity to Chloe...” Shrugging her shoulders it was the only thing she could think about that wouldn’t get her brother or Jackson in trouble. I’m surprised Leo hasn’t murdered Bartie. Drake couldn’t be a hypocrite towards them all- they all did irresponsible things as children/ young adults too. It’s only natural.

“Okay gossip girl, anything else?”

“You love Mom still?” First Louis, not Ayah. Why can’t they give me a break? Drake thought to himself, believing that sooner rather than later the two of them would be impersonating Cilla Black.

“I’ll always love your Mom, Ayah. Always. As I love all of you. When we get back you need to apologise to her. And next time, keep quiet- your Mom has very good hearing!”

“I will do. I’m sorry. I love you, uncle grumpy.” Snuggling back into Drake, he held his niece tightly- hoping that Theo wasn’t going to hurt her. If so, himself and Leo wouldn’t hold back.

****

The Unexpected Roommate

Drake really couldn’t be bothered with Leo’s bachelor party. Leo and Olivia had asked their guests to meet them at the bar near to their house- then they would go their separate ways. Instead Drake decided to delay the two of them- the less time they spent at the bachelor and bachelorette party, the more time they could spend together.

“What the fuck? Drake!” Hearing Riley scream, he smirked. You’re not the only one who can pull pranks, darling.

“What’s up?” Walking into her room, he witnessed her covered in flour- the flour that he had placed above her wardrobe. He knew the minute she opened it, she would become a mess.

“You’re a fucking jerk! Why would you do this to me?”

“Why would you do all the pranks that you do? Chill out, Riley.” Pushing her way past him, she was beyond furious. Needing to shower again, they were cutting it fine time wise.

An hour later, Riley appeared in the lounge- scowling at him. I look like shit, whispering to herself. On a night out, she would spend two hours doing her hair, and at least an hour doing her make up.

“Liv is going to kill me! I’m late.”

“Fuck her.”

“It’s not funny, Drake! I’m the maid of honour and I can’t even show up on time.” Struggling to clasp the necklace, Drake walked behind her. Offering his assistance.

“You scrub up well.”

“Thanks arsehole.”

“No need to be nasty. I’ll help you.” Kissing her neck, he couldn’t resist in delaying them even longer.

“Drake! Stop fucking about! You know what, forget the necklace. Let’s go!”

“Or we could forget tonight in general?”

“You’ll want to go, there’s a stripper. Come on I’m going to get a slit throat.”

****

The Greatest Show (Hiatus)

“Hey, Li... I wanted to ask you something... why are you looking so smug?”

“Drake, I’d like to introduce you to someone- this is Riley Brooks.” Liam looked at Riley adorably as he elaborated about her, about them. All Drake could think about was which one of them, Olivia was going to murder first for the betrayal.

“So, what did you want to ask?”

“Have you seen Amber? I’ve had her dog chase me around my room. I can’t control it, she said she would only be a short time.”

“We did see her, she thanked Riley for bringing the dog. But we didn’t. She said that she was coming to see you. ‘I’ll see you both tomorrow? I’ve got one tall, dark, handsome commoner waiting for me...’ “

“Well where the fuck is she?” Maxwell and Bertrand are going to kill us.

****

We Belong

(This snippet is from a very future chapter)

“Hello, Evangeline.” Fluttering her eyelashes, her vision was blurry- but her senses were still there. Smelling that all familiar scent- whiskey.

“Drake...”

“Maybe if I was younger.” Not knowing where she suddenly gained an adrenaline rush from, she shot out of bed- running down the stairs she screamed for Liam and Maxwell.

“I’m going crazy. I need to be with Drake. Please take me to Drake....”

“You’re not going crazy.” Liam explained softly before providing the visitor with a stern expression. Even if what Bastien had told him was the truth - Liam had questions, had the need to interrogate the person.

“But he died. I’m crazy, Liam. She....”

“Who’s she?” Ignoring the identity of ‘she’, Evie felt as if she couldn’t breathe. Close to nearly hyperventilating.

“I called her crazy.” Letting go of Liam, she ambled over towards the ghost as she assumed. Placing her hand gently onto his heart, there was a fully working heartbeat.

“It’s you. It’s really you...”

****

End Game

“Hello, my lords and lady’s.” I decided to take a break, for my own sanity. Interrupting the friendship circle I immediately noticed how Riley couldn’t bear to look at me. Thankfully, Drake broke the silence having a joke at my expense- about myself escaping.

“Until tomorrow at least. It’s been a long day.”

“No kidding, I could really use a bath.” Suddenly Maxwell arises from ground- he’s so dramatic. He suggested about going to a local spa. We were all in agreement that it would be relaxing for us all. I was utterly disappointed realising that the rooms were co-Ed. Lady Riley and Lady Hana wouldn’t be personally joining us- I had hoped to talk to Riley. In private. Again. As we relaxed, I also wanted to talk to Drake in private- about Riley. But I just couldn’t. Why is it so hard to be open with my best friend? My brother?

“Hey guys!” Shit, she looks beautiful. Maybe we should cover up a bit more? Not that I mind, Riley seeing me like this.

“I think the ladies will be fine.” Drake said sarcastically. After a while of talking about Maxwell’s tattoo- Drake decided to have a dip in cold plunge offering for anyone to join him. I shook my head as I believed the girls would immediately follow him- heading towards the tub I sink into the water. Wishing that things could be different.

“Hey... Li, can we talk please?”

****

Hold my girl (Hiatus)

(A future chapter)

Freya had topped up her coffee, more times than she intended to. When she was at work she preferred for it to be busy- that way her mind wouldn’t wander. She couldn’t bear to imagine what Drake and the others were upto in Cordonia. It had been a few weeks since she left her brief visit without saying goodbye. Feeling like a let down especially towards Maxwell, who was overexcited about their ‘slumber party’ that she never attended. The minute she arrived back home, she contacted Daniel. Much to her surprise, he turned up in Vegas bringing Ben and Jerry’s to comfort his best friend. To say today was a Saturday night, the shift was dragging. Usually the emergency department was busy, with patients linked to alcohol incidents. Some were minor. Some were major.

“Nurse Johnson, you’re required immediately in resus- bring assistance. Urgently!”

Knocking the coffee over, the staff rushed straight there - the adrenaline rush soon hit them.

“Freya?”

“Liam? What are you doing here?” Liam couldn’t spit the words out- to inform her who was in resus.

“We came to look for you. Someone was following us- they tried to....”

“Sorry your majesty, but you need to sit in the relatives room with the others.”

“Frey...” Her colleagues forced Liam away, as she entered the room her heart sunk. Her body began to tremble.

Drake.

****

Love, fate, Destiny (Hiatus)

Drake received a text message- assuming it was Riley his smile soon faulted. Kiara. Excusing himself from the group he walked over to Kiara and Madeleine- scowling.

“What the fuck are you playing at?”

“She looks gorgeous doesn’t she, Drake? I personally think that Kiki could be a model too.”

“Did you like the photos, Drakey?”

“No Kiara, I didn’t. They have been deleted. Don’t ever text me again.”

“Why not Drake? You and Kiara could rekindle your relationship. You were never meant to be with Riley. She is a commoner- she isn’t one of us.”

“I’m a commoner, Madeleine! And she is worth so much more than you stuck up nobles!” Liam, Olivia and Maxwell heard the commotion and stormed up the the trio.

“Is there a problem, Drake?”

“No, Liam. Everything has been sorted. But I mean it Kiara- don’t ever speak to me again.”

“But we were good together, Drake.” Drake was about to respond with an insult but was interrupted by the heralds announcement. Liam and Olivia looked at each other bewildered- they wasn’t expecting anymore guests.

His Royal Highness Prince Leo, Lady Bethany Hughes of New York and Lady Riley Brooks-Walker.

****

Marshgate Prison

“Do you really want me?” He questioned, doubting himself about her intentions. Now he was in the real world, he believed that she could have any man in the city- someone who hadn’t been wrongly imprisoned.

“I’m sorry for my outburst at the bar. I was just so frustrated that I didn’t know the truth. I’ve missed you. Why are you asking?”

“I’ve spent a lot of time with Bartie, walking through the park- going to Times Square. I see all these handsome men, in their suits- going to work. Making a living. Having a life. When we slept together in the cell, I felt like the luckiest goddamn bastard in the world. That someone so amazing as you would look twice at me...”

“I chose you, even considering the circumstances.” Caressing his cheek, he placed his hand over hers- letting it linger for a moment.

“Go and sit on the couch, I’ll order some food. What do you fancy?”

“Anything’s going to be better than porridge.”

****

One Temptation

(From a future chapter)

“Alice, what are you doing here?” The girl wasn’t old enough to look after herself, Riley even panicked when walking the streets of New York. Assuming that Leo, had brought her- it was the only possible explanation.

“Daddy brought me, but I’ve lost him. He’s been drinking a lot. I just want my daddy back.”

“Where was he when you last saw him?” Alice pointed over towards the stairs that led up to the roof. Holding the girls hand, she made her way towards Drake and Leo explaining that she was going to find Liam who hadn’t even been invited to the event. Both men shook their head, providing each other with the same expression. They wondered why she would go out of her way to look for the man who had hurt her in the past far too many times.

“Don’t look at me like that, he’s not going to hurt me if Alice is with me. If I’m not back in five minutes- send a search party. I love you both.”

****

Return to New York (Hiatus)

Riley held Lissy tightly as they travelled in the SUV- not really having a life plan. Yes, Lissy wasn’t hers- but she was the reason that the little girl had lost her father. If she had stayed in Cordonia all those years ago, she wouldn’t be in this predicament. She wouldn’t have left her family that she unexpectedly gained during her time in the Mediterranean, she wouldn’t have met Harry.

Arriving at the location, she sighed as they exited the SUV. Taking the little girls hand- she knocked on the door, hoping she would be welcome.

“Hi..” Riley quietly said, almost like a whisper. “I have nowhere else to go. Can we stay a night or two until I get my head sorted?”

“What happened to running away again?”

“I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why?”

“Good job too. You belong here! We can’t lose you again.” Her friend pulled her in for a hug, promising that everything would be fine.

****

Cordonian Wags

“I don’t need to go to training, I can come with you. Leo said it would be fine.”

“Is Leo in charge now?” For the first time in two months, he saw a smile creep up onto her face.

“Well he’s captain, no one argues with the captain. It’s nice to see that smile again...” Blushing, she wanted to pull him in. To kiss the man that she loved with all of her heart.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, sorry. Drake?” Sitting next to her on the bed, he looked at her concerned.

“I love you with all of my heart, Walker....” Finally, Drake thought to himself. Hearing those words made him hold her tightly- not wanting to let her go.

“But what if it isn’t good news? I want us to work, but I also want you to be happy if I’m not here anymore...promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“If we are going to get through this, we can’t allow Kiara to come between us.” Or Madeleine, Drakes face grimaced before fixing a smile.

“I’ve already told you, I can retire now if I wanted. We can move.”

“Running away isn’t going to solve the issue. Our families are here.”

“Then we stay here, nothing will break us apart. I mean nothing at all...”

****

“Why Me?” and “What took you so long?”:

These two series are currently on hiatus for the foreseeable future- as I have no idea what I’m doing with them at the moment.👎🏻😞

****

Prompts:

Trapped in the house prompts 5. “No offense, but I am so tired of your face.”

Drake x Riley (The Unexpected Roommate)

“Can’t you go and work in your room? You’re too close to me!”

“My room is for sleeping in. Only. Don’t like it- go out. Oh... you can’t. So deal with it!”

Turning the tv up louder, she smirked to herself. Knowing that it was distracting him, she couldn’t resist.

“No, offense but I’m tired of your shit! Can’t you see that I’m trying to work?”

“No offense but I’m so tired of your face. Like, everywhere I go... you’re there! In my face. It’s annoying.”

“Go to your fucking old room, Riley. You’re pissing me off! In fact, I here by banish you to your room! Goodbye. See ya. Au revoir. Auf Wiedersehen. Yasou. Adios.” Laughing to himself, he watched as she walked to the room. Watching her body tense, she turned around to face him- he jaw was clenching.

“You’re a fucking jerk! No wonder you insisted that I stay in the lounge! How stupid could I be?”

“Well if you didn’t fuck me after getting drunk yet again.... you’d be at Daniel’s and Maxwell’s where you actually live now. You’d actually have a bed to sleep in. You wouldn’t have to wear my clothes.”

“Well..... if you didn’t come to my bar with Leo....Get so rat arsed, flirt with me. Get me drunk. We wouldn’t be in this situation. If you didn’t turn my old room into a gym, I’d have somewhere to fucking sleep in these circumstances. At least if you got another roomie, I could share with them...”

“I never forced those drinks down your neck. You did that all by yourself. You put me off getting another roomie...” Gritting her teeth together, she allowed him to have the last word. Which was unlike her, usually she preferred to be the authoritative person. Walking over towards the kitchen, she put the kettle on. Retrieving her phone, she opened Spotify. Putting the volume on full belt, she played Queen. As she did that first night she suffered with Drake.

“Riley! Turn it fucking off!”

“Did you say something Drake? I can’t hear you....” Smirking, she wished that she told him to fuck right off the previous night at the bar.

****

Trapped in the house prompts 6. “I don’t even want to have sex anymore.”

Liam x Riley (Based on the characters from Hold On)

Walking back into the living area, Riley felt awful with how she had spoken to Liam. Watching him do a puzzle with his children, he seemed relaxed. Embracing the quality time he could spend with his family.

“Hey.”

“Are you feeling better, love?”

“I’m sorry. Fuck. I’m so fucking sorry. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship..”

“Mommy. What is sex? You said a bad word. Didn’t she daddy?”

“I didn’t. I said duck and ducking. Mommy really.. Erm. I really want to see the ducks. But I can’t. I’m so sorry, that we can’t go and see the ducks. I didn’t say a word beginning with S either Ayah. I said, erm... flex. Because daddy can’t go to the gym and flex his muscles.”

“He did this morning.”

“Yes, but he is so busy now with his meetings over the phone. Isn’t that right darling?”

“Of course, love. Ayah, I’m going to tuck you and Louis into bed. I’ll read you both a story. Say goodnight to Mommy.”

****

Rachel Green prompt list 17. “We would like more alcohol.” And 7. "We're supposed to start fun in 15 minutes."

Evie x Liam (We Belong- prequel)

Olivia and Evie ran out of the room, and into the larger ballroom. Scrutinising the room, Evie headed straight towards Leo and Bertrand, as Olivia headed towards the Bruleys.

“What are you doing here? You’re just a kid...”

“Your highness, I am a young lady. I’m fifteen. Anyway, your brother asked me to come...”

“Oh, did he now? I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t let you out of his sight. He’s been pining after you. So what’s the real reason that you’re here?”

“Guilty. It’s boring in there, I’ve only been in there a few seconds and I already want to go back to boarding school. Could you help us ‘kids’ have a bit of fun? Including alcohol?”

“No!”

“Bertrand I wasn’t asking you! Leo?”

“Sure. I mean come on Bertrand, stop being such an arse, we drank underage. I’ll be the distraction, and B can get you the booze. But you will all have to pretend that you’ve gone to bed. Do your drinking upstairs...”

“Deal. Bertrand?”

“Fine! But I’m not getting blamed for this...”

****

Ross Gellar prompt list 9. "My life is an embarrassment. I should just go live under somebody's stairs."

Maxwell, Drake, Willow and Sophie (both women belong to @pedudley)

Arriving at the supermarket, Drake instantly regretted agreeing to come. The first reason being, was when Maxwell handed them both a mask to wear. Like I’m really going to avoid catching germs with a bit of material. People were panic shopping, overfilling their trollies. Maxwell grabbed a trolley, he pushed it forward before leaping onto it over dramatically.

“Wahoo! Supermarket sweep- here we come!” Willow screamed with excitement trying to catch up with Max. Fucking children, Drake murmured to himself- keeping a distance, he dodged people barging past him.

“Buddy! You’ve already got five packs of toilet rolls! This one is mine.” Maxwell snapped at the stranger whilst playing tug of war. Willow ran over to assist him, Drake believed that she would calm the situation down. Checking his phone, he had hoped that the two of them would grab the ‘essentials’ that Max had insisted they needed and they could quickly escape the nightmare he was living in.

“Excuse me? Do you know that man and woman?” Drake turned to the man, wondering why concern was painted across his face. Facing Willow and Maxwell his eyes widened.

“Nope. Never seen them before in my life. I think that they have been released from the psychiatric hospital by the looks of it.”

****

17. “You’re going to permanently fuse with the couch at this rate.”

Drake x Evie (We Belong)

“Jesus, Evie. How long have you been laid there?”

“Six hours, four minutes...”

“Why didn’t you come and get me? I could have joined you.”

“I needed some alone time. I’m depressed. But Ben and Jerry kept me company.” Drake already knew this, the food wrappers surrounding her on the couch was the slight giveaway.

“You’re going to permanently fuse with the couch at this rate.” He said sarcastically, before joining her.

“So? If we can’t get married on the day that we planned, I may as well work my way through the fridge and watch Netflix. I refuse to leave the couch until I’ve finished binge watching a series. Nothing better to do. Then, I’ll go on a diet just to make sure I can still fit in my dress.”

“You could turn up to the wedding in a bin bag, and you’d still be the most beautiful woman in the world.”

[chuffyfan87]

Growing Pains. Part 24b

“Hey,” He stepped closer to the bed and took her hands in his. “Breathe! Nice and slowly. It’s ok.”

Duffy clutched at her chest, the colour draining from her face as her eyes began to roll unfocused.

“I need some help in here!” Zoe called.

“Baby? Babe?” Charlie’s own heart began to pound as he watched her.

"Has this happened before?" Zoe asked Charlie as she lowered the trolley flat.

“Duffy has had intermittent seizures ever since she was seventeen.” He explained as he stood up. “But other than that, nothing else.”

As the seizure subsided Zoe placed her fingers against Duffy's neck. "Her pulse is very thready. We need to move her to resus and keep her monitored."

He nodded, remaining quiet. He swallowed, “She thinks I don’t notice...” He said quietly as they moved Duffy into resus.

"Tell me everything. I'm guessing she's ensured this has a lot of gaps..." Zoe sighed, referring to the notes that lay on the foot of the trolley.

“I don’t hurt her.” He said gently as he sat down on a chair beside the bed. “Never laid a finger on her, never will.”

"I believe you. But someone has..?"

“Her ex husband. All those broken bones over the years, that was him. Last twelve months, she’s had broken bones but told me she’d tripped over things.” He paused, “Tonight, she was pushed and now she’s got a broken ankle. Her bones are weak, that’s why I wanted her to be referred.”

"Ah." Zoe sighed as she poured over the notes again, glancing up periodically at the monitors. "There's mention of heart problems several years ago but nothing recent. Do you know if she's had a resurgence of those issues recently?"

He smiled sadly, “Probably but not that she’d talk to me about them.”

A memory suddenly struck Zoe. "She mentioned having indigestion the other day but if you're right and she's not eating - which her frail appearance that she's clearly tried to hide would suggest - then why would she have indigestion..?"

Charlie shrugged, “Sign of heart trouble?”

"I get the feeling from your reaction tonight that her eating issues aren't a recent development..."

“No they’re not.” He sighed.

"So we could be looking at anorexic heart failure?" Zoe sighed. "How the hell did we miss this right under our noses?!" Her tone revealed just how angry she was with herself for the oversight.

“Don’t!” He snapped. He rarely snapped but the seriousness of the situation was getting to him. “I’ve tried so many times to get her help but...” He shrugged. “I give up.”

"I'm not blaming you. She spends every day surrounded by highly qualified medical professionals and none of us picked up on it."

He stood up, “I need some air. Will you come and find me if she wakes up or deteriorates?”

"OK." Zoe replied, turning her attention back to the monitors.

“Thank you.” Charlie left resus and sat in his darkened office.

He noticed there was a blinking light on the phone on his desk, indicating that he had a message. He sighed and picked up the phone, listening to the voicemail.

Peter and Jake's voices filled the air. "Happy New Year! You two losers are probably too busy working but we just wanted to wish you all the best!" It was clear from the slurred words and giggles that both young men were very drunk. "Hope you managed to see in the new year together and didn't break any furniture!" More giggles. "See you for lunch later."

Charlie smiled sadly as he listened to the voicemail and hung up the phone. He wiped away the tear that had rolled down his cheek. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could do any of this...

A little while later there was a knock on his office door and Dixie peered around it. "Charlie?"

“Hmm?” There was an unopened box on pills on the desk. He was still sat in the dark.

"I've just been in resus with a patient. What the hell happened?"

“She just had a funny turn. She’ll be fine.” He groaned as Dixie switched on the light.

"Looked like more than a funny turn to me. Why aren't you with her?"

“No point, she’ll be out for a while.” He replied.

"So you're just gunna sit here in the dark instead?" She asked as she stepped closer, spotting the pills on the desk.

He followed her vision and put the box of pills back in the top drawer of his desk. “Why not?”

"Your wife is lying unconscious in resus..."

“Yes and..?”

"If it were mine I'd want to be there with them."

“I just need time to think about things.” He replied, “Then I’ll go and be with her.”

"Do you want to talk?" She offered gently.

“Not particularly.”

"Cuppa?"

He smiled sadly, “No thanks.”

"OK." She squeezed his shoulder gently.

“I’ll be in here if anyone needs me.” He said gently as he looked at his desk drawer.

Dixie wanted to say more about the pills she'd seen on the desk but she felt it wasn't her place to.

When he was left alone again in his office, he rested his head against the desk.

It was another couple of hours before he was interrupted by another knock on his office door. This time it was Zoe.

“Come in.” He said sadly.

"I've been told to summon you to resus." Zoe told him with a small grin.

“She’s awake?” He stood up and followed Zoe to resus.

"Yes and in quite the foul mood..."

He sighed. He reached the doors to resus and hesitated.

The trolley was tilted up slightly, Duffy looked pale and had her ankle strapped up.

It took him about a minute before he finally entered resus and went towards the bed Duffy was occupying. “Hi...”

"Where have you been?"

“Working.”

"I want to go home."

“Well you can’t, not yet.”

"Well can you ask someone to come plaster my ankle so I can?"

“You need to be medically fit for discharge and I really don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon.”

"What the hell are you talking about?" She seemed genuinely confused.

“What’s the point in telling you? It won’t make a blind bit of difference...” He retorted.

"I'd just like to know why you're sulking!"

“Don’t!”

"What happened?" She repeated.

“Zoe thinks you’re possibly in anorexic heart failure but you’ll sit there and deny it. You’ll say everything’s fine, that you don’t have an eating disorder!”

"What?! But... But... All I did was break my ankle..." She stammered.

“On top of abusing your body for years.” He replied. “I’ve noticed Duffy! Ever since I said about renewing our vows, you’ve started losing weight again. Well it’s off! I don’t want to renew my vows!!”

"What are you going on about?" Her eyes were full of terror and panic.

“I don’t want us to renew our vows.”

"I don't understand... Are you leaving me?" Her voice broke, her eyes filling with tears.

He shook his head but didn’t come any closer.

"Charlie..?" Her bottom lip wobbled as she tried to hold back tears.

He closed his eyes and stayed where he was stood for a minute. “It’s making you ill. I thought it would give you something to look forward to but it didn’t... It just gave you another excuse to make yourself ill.”

"I'm sorry..." She sobbed.

He sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. “I’m sorry too.” He began to cry.

"Please don't leave me..." She begged in a whisper.

“I won’t ever leave you.” He told her through tears. “You were doing so well, sweetheart. What happened?”

"I... I..." She shrugged. "I don't know."

“What’s going through your mind right now?” He rested his chin on her head lightly.

"I don't want to be here like this."

“In hospital?”

She nodded. "Everyone knows don't they?" She sighed.

“Only Zoe.” He replied as he stroked her hair. “Is it something I’m doing wrong? Am I putting too much pressure on you? Am I not loving you enough?” He asked, his voice breaking.

"She thought you hurt me. I kept telling her that you don't but she wouldn't believe me!" There was a note of panic in Duffy's voice.

“Hey, don’t worry.” He reassured and kissed her head. “Zoe knows I haven’t hurt you.” He paused, “You didn’t answer the question. It is me, isn’t it?”

"I don't want to let you down."

“Why would you let me down?”

"I try so hard. I know you believe I can get better but I can't."

“Yes you can. You just need the right support.”

"We've been banging our head against this wall for years." She sighed.

“What’s stopping you from getting better? There has to be something.”

"I wish I knew. If only it was that simple..."

“Then maybe we need to look at a different treatment option. Inpatient rather than outpatient? Outpatient treatment isn’t working.”

"No!" Duffy's eyes widened with terror.

“Why not?”

"I can't do this without you."

“But outpatient therapy isn’t working.” He sighed, “Maybe we should try inpatient? See what’s out there? See what other options we have?” He suggested.

"Please don't send me away!" She begged, her hands clutching his tunic.

“I’m not planning on sending you away anywhere.” He reassured, “I just think we need another option because I fear this will break us.” He admitted.

"I can't go back there..." His words weren't sinking in.

“Go back where?”

"She said it was only for a few days... She lied."

“Who sweetheart and when? You’re not making much sense?” He cuddled her tightly.

"She said they'd make me better but it didn't. It just gave me ways to get worse."

“When? Who?” He was really confused.

"Did you never wonder why I didn't speak to my mum for years?"

“No.” He sighed, “You’ve been admitted before?”

"When I first started having seizures."

“Ok.” He paused and kissed the top of her head. “No inpatient treatment. There is another option we could look into but it would require you to take leave from work.”

"What's that?"

“A day treatment programme.”

"I'm not sure..."

“What’s worrying you?”

"I don't know how to do anything else."

“What do you mean?”

"What if I don't know how to be better?"

“I can’t answer that sweetheart. But I think finding the right support network and programme can help you be better.” He said sadly, “Can we discuss the day treatment programme when you’re feeling a bit more up to it?”

"OK. Please can I go home?"

“Not yet, your shift doesn’t finish until eight.” He smirked.

She giggled. "What time is it?"

“Six o’clock.” He yawned and moved to meet her eye. He stroked her cheek, “I’m sorry I made you cry. I... I think you and I have a lot of things to talk about when we get home.”

"How long was I asleep for?"

“Five hours or so.”

[intubatedangel]

Barista’s Bad Heart - part 9

(Long part here, a lot of exposition, but it’s fairly important as Anna Swift and the team at Memorial are going to be the main characters of many of my stories going forward. Like a TV medical drama, you’ll see these guys often, but the patients will still get their own introductory part or parts. Hope you enjoy.)

Part 1: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183302348002/baristas-bad-heart-part-1 

Other links at the bottom.

***

Advanced Nurse Practitioner Anna Swift leaned against the counter in the centre of the main triage room. She signed off a chart, dropping it into the discharged pile, then picked up her tea. She was young enough, only 26, that she hadn’t lost enough taste buds to handle the grim brown liquid that passed as coffee. She sipped the warm tea and turned to look around the room. Laid out in a hexagon, it was the hub of the emergency department, where patients were initially assessed then shifted to the relevant ward. There were a dozen cubicles in this central room alone, with portable beds to allow patients to be shuffled around easily and efficiently.

 Wide sets of double doors led through to additional cubicles for varying degrees of severity. Each set of doors had large painted panels denoting their intended patients. The blue doors were the minor injuries ward, though most of the staff referred to it as HC, hypochondriac central. Small cuts, basic colds, pretty much anything that could have been sorted by the patient themselves, went through those doors.

 Yellow doors led through to the main treatment ward, simplified to TR by the staff. Simple fractures, bad cuts, sprains and illnesses, anything actually needing treatment or observation went through those doors. It was the biggest of the wards, capable of accommodating over 40 patients without any body sitting on a bed in a corridor.

 Red was the High Severity Unit, HSU. This was for patients that were in potentially serious trouble and needed close observation. Badly broken bones, head injuries and the like. Things that had a chance of suddenly becoming life threatening. 20 patients could be treated, and crash carts were scattered across the ward in case a patient deteriorated. It had its own set of elevators to the radiology department and an internal corridor to the next ward. The ward that had black panels on its doors.

 The Resus Suite was where the life and death action happened. It had access to the ambulance bay to get patients in quick. It was the crowning glory of the Trauma Centres reputation. 12 fully equipped rooms, ready to handle anything the city had to throw at it. It even had a pair of Trauma Theatre’s, and a surgical team on standby. A helicopter pad on the roof had elevators directly to the Resus Suite.

 The Resus Suite was Anna’s primary domain. She would cover the other wards when it was quiet, as she had been doing today, but as soon as that red phone rang, she could drop everything and go to where she thrived. Her gaze fell upon it. It sat on the central column behind the circular counter. It hadn’t rung all day. Somehow, the bustling city had avoided grinding anyone up over the last 8 hours. A couple of minor car crashes, one stabbing and an old lady who tripped over thin air and broke her hip, but nothing that set that phone ringing. Every patient had been conscious and stable as they were brought in.

 “You’d better not be hoping for that phone to ring Anna.” Said a voice behind her. The words were a reprimand, but the tone was friendly, almost playful. She turned to see Doctor Carl Teague, 30 years old, with sandy hair a short, sculpted beard. He was like Anna. They were both young for their positions, he was already an ED consultant, leading their team. Anna had been working with him for two years now. They’d been sleeping together for 6 months.

 “I’m thinking nothing of the sort.” She replied, a look of mock outrage on her face. “I was merely considering that my skills might be being wasted over in HC.”

 He rolled his eyes, filling his current chart in the discharge box. “Think of it this way,” he said quietly, leaning over the counter towards her, “a quiet day, means we have more energy for fun later on.”

 Anna checked that no was watching. “Easy boy. Remember, not at work.” Despite seeing each other for six months, no one at the hospital officially knew they were in a more than professional relationship. It was starting to become a point of contention between them, and she saw him frown slightly. “Soon. Okay. I just want to make sure everyone knows I’m leading because I’m good enough. Not because I’m entangled with the ED’s golden boy.”

 “You’ve proved that time and again already.” He said. “I just…”

 The red phone rang.

 ***

 Anna stood in the ambulance bay, bristling with that nervous energy that always filled her when a hard case came her way. Excitement wasn’t quite the right word for it. It was tension, focus, determination all wrapped into one. There was also an undercurrent of concern and fear, that they might fail. But she had enough experience to keep that buried deep enough that it wouldn’t impact her performance.

 In the six minutes since the red phone had called them, Anna had gathered up her team. Like a well-oiled machine they knew their roles and could have probably run a code in silence, such was their experience together. Carl had grabbed his current shadow, a young F1 junior doctor. She was clearly nervous, her fingers tugging on the hem of her head scarf.

 They all knew the rough details, mid 20’s girl in full cardiac arrest, sudden onset, no trauma. The sirens broke through the air, the ambulance rapidly approaching. Carl gave his orders.

 “Ok guys, let’s run this same as always. Anna, I want you straight onto compressions. Kirstie, take the ambu bag. Jess, IV. Roger, you’ve got the record. Zee, this is your first time, so stick close, listen and try your best to keep track.” Zainab nodded. “Good.  Everyone else, I want her inside as quick as we can, so make sure nothings tangled and get ready to work them legs.”

 There were murmurs of understanding, the approaching sirens beginning to drown them out. The ambulance raced onto the street, forcing the traffic to yield. It swung into the emergency lane that led up to the assemble resus team. They all stepped back, just off the road, as the ambulance approached. The tyres squealed, a hint of burnt rubber filling the space in front of the doors, bringing the ambulance to a stop.

 The team sprang into action. Two of those who had no specific job wrenched open the doors, stepping out of the way. Anna was greeted by the sight of Lucy working the young woman’s chest. A younger man was sat at the head of the gurney, his eyes sparkling with tears. The squeal of the monitor spilled out, and Anna could see the streaking flatline on the monitor. The moment passed, and Anna sprang into action.

 She stepped forward, placing one foot on the back step of the ambulance, then sprang forward. Gripping the sides of the gurney with her hands, she swung her legs down, landing on either side of the girl’s bare legs. She grabbed the monitor off the shelf as Lucy continued her compressions, and pulled it across the lifeless body to clip it onto the gurney’s rail.

 “On 3.” Anna said to Lucy, who nodded, as she shuffled her knees into the right position. “1…2…3” Lucy pushed down once more, then snapped her arms away. In the same moment, Anna brought her interlaced fingers down, pressing down straight away. There had been no break in the rhythm of compressions, Anna’s thrusts taking place of Lucy’s with a slick efficiency.

 The gurney shuddered, Anna compensating automatically, as it was pulled from the back of the ambulance. There was a slight pause as bits of equipment were handed off and Dave made his way round from the cab. Hands grabbed the gurney and began pushing it head-first, towards the doors. Anna kept up the perfect compressions as they travelled towards the Resus Suite.

 Carl was near the girl’s head, opposite Dave. Roger was trailing just behind Dave, clipboard and chart in hand. “What have we got?” Carl asked.

 “Amelia Preston, 25. Sudden V-tach arrest after altercation with a customer. No signs of injury, infection or drug-based influence. Suspected prior cardiac complaint. She was wearing a 3-lead monitor at the time.” He nodded over at George, who held out the monitor. Zainab took it off his hands. “CPR started immediately, and AED was on scene within 90 seconds. Shocked 3 times before becoming asystolic. First round of Epi administered after 10 minutes. Resulted in a shockable rhythm. After 2 shocks we got a sinus brady rhythm, with multifocal PVCs. Deteriorated back into V-fib, then asystole again after 2 shocks. She’s been flat since then. Total downtime of 22 minutes.”

 The team had gotten the gurney inside and were now turning through the extra wide door into Resus 1.

 “Ok. Let’s move her over and get her on our monitors. Let’s run a tox panel, and get someone from cardiology down here, I want the data from that monitor.” The gurney had pulled up next to trauma bed and everyone was waiting on Anna to move Amelia across. Anna checked the team was ready to move, then shifted across both beds, slipping over the side to land on the step that protruded from the trauma bed. The rest of the team had lifted Amelia across and arranged her on their own CPR backboard, allowing Anna to resume compressions as soon as she landed on the step.

 Lucy handed over the blood sample to one of the nurses, Trish, who rushed out of the trauma room towards the lab. Another nurse was over by the phone, calling the cardiology department. Others were quickly connecting the equipment to the monitors, one attached to the bed, with a repeater feed to the TV sized monitor on the wall.

 “Let’s double check everything.” Carl ordered. “I want an echo and let’s confirm that airway.” Anna counted off the compressions as the ultrasound probe was pulled over to the side of the bed.

 “3…2…1…” Anna pumped down Amelia’s chest once more, then pulled back. She scanned the room as Carl held the probe to Amelia’s battered chest. Lucy and Dave were standing in a corner, along with the young man that had accompanied them. He looked physically and emotionally exhausted. She looked down at the lifeless body before her. With a few moments to actually look at the girl, Anna was struck was by how similar she was to their patient. They had the same body shape, were within a couple of inches of each other and both had hair that curled gently in waves, though Anna’s was maybe a shade darker. If they’d been weighed, there would probably be a good difference, given the muscle tone Anna had developed lifting patients and performing life saving efforts. But overall, they looked similar enough that a stranger might comment on them being sisters.

 “No cardiac activity.” Carl commented, gaze locked on the screen of the echo. “But the pericardium is clear.” He handed off the probe and grabbed the stethoscope from around his neck. “Good bilateral air entry. Airway’s fine.” He looked up at Anna. The realisation of the similarity between her and Amelia must have been showing on her face. “You ok?” He asked.

 Anna shock her head quickly. “I’m fine.” She said, motioning for him to get out of the way. As soon as the head of the steth was out of the way she resumed compressions, with a slightly more desperate effort to them.

 Carl shrugged to himself. “High dose of epi, let’s see if we can kick start something.” Jessica acknowledged the order and proceeded to inject the drugs into the central IV, confirming the time with Roger. “Sarah! Anything from cardiology?” He called out to the nurse by the phone.

 “They’re saying at least 15 minutes. They’re all in the cath lab or out for lunch.”

 Carl cursed under his breath. He placed his fingers against Amelia’s neck, feeling the solid compression generated pulse. Then he checked her pupils. “Pupillary response is diminished.” He sighed, pondering his next move. “Ok, let’s get the LUCAS and combo pads on her, and initiate therapeutic hypothermia, I want to keep as much of her brain function intact as possible if we can get her back. She’s definitely a small.”  

 Anna focused on completing her fourth minute of compressions as the rest of team unpacked the specified equipment. Being a nationally recognised centre of excellence in the field of resuscitation, Memorial had been given several grants for research projects aiming to improve patient outcomes. One of those projects was Carl’s pet project. Still a prototype, the Intra-Arrest Temperature Management Vest was a relatively simple idea. The goal was to rapidly induce mild-hypothermia to reduce potential brain and organ damage, without interfering with efforts to resuscitate the patient. In practice, it looked almost like a bulky long winter coat without the sleeves and a few strange gaps.

 Anna watched as the team spread the vest on the bed next to Amelia. They’d practiced the procedure repeatedly, on manakins and each other, but Amelia was only the second patient to be in the right situation for the vest. Kirstie and Sarah took up position on the opposite side of the bed from Amelia, while Jessica come up beside Anna. With Trish still on her way back from the lab, Carl directed Zainab to the head of the bed, while he went to the end. His longer arms allowed him to reach out and grip underneath Amelia’s thighs. Anna waited until everyone had sounded off their readiness before stopping compressions.

“1…2…3… Lift.” Carl told Zainab. Together they lifted the lifeless Amelia a couple of inches clear of the bed. Anna’s arm shot underneath her, grabbing the vest. Next to her Jess was doing the same. They pulled it through, Kirstie and Sarah making sure they didn’t drag it too far, then guided Carl and Zainab in lowering Amelia back down so that she lay with her shoulder blades on the reinforced section of the back of the vest. That was where most of the pressure from the compressions would end up.

 As soon as Amelia was down, Anna went straight back into compressions, keeping the blood flowing while the others finished arranging the vest. Amelia’s chest sank underneath Anna’s hands, her abdomen distending just as it before. The vest offered no interference with the process. As Anna hammered away on her near-doppelganger’s chest, Sarah reached around her hands to remove the shiny orange gel pads, replacing them with the large foam squares of the Quik-Combo electrodes.

 Jess and Kirstie threaded Amelia’s arms through the large holes, then folded the top half of vest over her body, securing it with the Velcro straps. It didn’t interfere with Anna, as one of the large gaps was located right on Amelia’s sternum, providing the perfect gap for Anna’s hands. The pair of nurses then moved further down, wrapping parts of the vest around Amelia’s thighs, another large gap left between her legs, allowing access to her vagina and femoral arteries.

 The small cooler attached to the vest began to hum as it pumped refrigerated water through the tiny tubes in the vest, and within seconds Amelia’s temperature began to drop. Anna continued her professionally brutal compressions as the team then began to unpack the Lucas. Carl was injecting another round of drugs in, as the monitor continued to show the complete lack of electrical activity in Amelia’s heart.

 The backboard of the Lucas was brought over, Anna stopping for a moment as it was slid under Amelia, it was a perfect fit for the reinforced region of the vest. Anna did a few more compressions as the team made sure the Lucas was ready.

 “Ok, step off Anna.” Carl ordered. She complied, stepping completely off the bed, rubbing some feeling back into her arms. She glanced at the clock. 6 minutes and 30 seconds of near continuous compressions. It was a personal best. Though she didn’t feel particularly proud at the moment. It meant that Amelia had now been in cardiac arrest for 29 minutes.

 Anna returned her attention to the patient who look so much like her. The Lucas had been clipped to its backboard, Amelia’s wrists tied to the top. The large puck, fitting perfectly in the gap in the cooling vest, began to force her chest down. At this point, all Anna could do was watch. Watch, and hope.

***

Part 2: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183345519857/baristas-bad-heart-part-2

Part 3: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183380872877/baristas-bad-heart-part-3

Part 4: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183471507287/barristas-bad-heart-part-4

Part 5: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183491865107/barristas-bad-heart-part-5

Part 6: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183594682567/barristas-bad-heart-part-6

Part 7: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183658697742/baristas-bad-heart-part-7

Part 8: https://intubatedangel.tumblr.com/post/183678245687/baristas-bad-heart-part-8

[himbos-hotline]

some more medical things [that are mostly my personal experience]

- veins will have a habit of collapsing if they are overused, either from having cannulas [thats what the little needle part is called] in. Especially if the person has been having opiods such as morphine

- as someone who has pulled out an IV they bleed. There was blood across sheets and the floor and down my arm to the point that I was woozy and had to have a different gown

- on the topic of hospital gowns, they are not sexy. They are normally too big for you and if you are going down for surgery you will be given paper underwear- they are mostly see through.

- the hospital food sucks ass and it tastes gross but there will be nurses looking after you, these will change periodically. 

- IV machines beep if you bend your arm, please stop having characters just flailing their arms around.

- BRUSES! having any kind of trauma will cause bruising! 

- most hospitals will have a resus where serious cases go. it is very unlikely for them to do major surgery in the ED/ER/A&E/ anywhere that is not a surgical wing. 

- Surgery hurts, ive had three operations and i wanted to walk around for NONE of them. for any kinda abdominial surgeries you will be swollen and blown up and the scars wont look pretty. 

- they will take observations regularly and having blood pressure taken can get slightly sore since its cutting off your blood supply to part of your arm.

- not all Ivs will go into your arms, they will try feet, chest, shoulders, neck and sometimes in the most serious may have to drill into a persons bone, thats more common in infants and babys.

- people are seperated on wards considering their condition and sex. someone who is amab will not be on a gyno ward and someone who is AFAB wont be on something for testicular issues [this may be different if theyre intersex, im not sure so dont quote me on that]

- everyone who sees a surgeron doesnt get surgery and there are specific surgerons that do specific surgerys cadiovascular surgeons work on the heart and the surrounding carviovasular system.

- treat the nurses with respect, theyre just doing their jobs. treat them nicely. 

- there may be people in the medical field seeing you who have conditons. When I had my gallbladder removed, the nurse who helped me get dressed for it had tourettes and the pain specilist who saw me was in a wheelchair- they were some of the best people I have been looked after by. 

- medications have affects. Morphoine makes you feel nausous and dizzy and may make you off balance. having some antisickness medication can sometimes make you thirsty. 

- you cant eat or drink before operations or anything that needs to put you asleep for because you could choke. they will delay any OPS until after eight hours has passed.

- children will be visited by play specilists and in the UK will be allowed to attend a hospital school. this is to make the hospital stay less scary or stressful.

- hospital wifi sucks ass and over here is normally restricted. Like I could watch markipler but only some game theory episodes but i couldnt watch wrestling. 

- you may have doctors or other specilists appear throughout the night and it is really hard to get some sleep.

- I had daily blood tests and blood sugar tests by having my fingers pricked- in the end one of my fingertips are dented.

- if you cannot get out of bed, you will be given blood thinning injections and it will be advised that you wear stockings. theyre compression stockings to reduce your risk of getting a blood clot and suffering from deep vein thrombosis or DVT. if you suffer that, it can be fatal. 

- some hospital beds also have vibration machines on to keep the muscles thinking that theyre being moved once again to stimulate the blood from pooling and creating clots and bed sores. it is not like having a sex toy, its uncomfortable. 

- hospital matresses are firm in case of someone needing chest compressions- it is hard enough for them to get a good firm pulse. 

- if someone collapses and you cannot find a pulse, please do cjhest compressions. that isnt keeping the heart beating it is keeping oxygenated blood going through the persons body. If you are not breaking ribs than you are not doing chest compressions well enough. 

- MRI scans are loud and you can sometimes feel like you are being smothered but if you ask the technitions will give you. 

-nobody cares if a grown up takes a stuffed toy with them to the hospital. I got to take froggy davey into the operation room for me and this is what i woke up too

yeah ive spent most of my life going in and out of hospital so-

So I’ve noticed a bunch of medical errors in fics I read, so I decided to post this handy guide to some of the most common errors and some background on basic medical things.

ps- they are not medical treatment or first aid advice. I’m not actually a doctor. yet. but I am certified in first aid. this is just so your writing can be more realistic.

[crinkled-emotions]

Lucky

The first time Harrison has to deal with a resus, and when he gets home he goes straight to Maxi/ Reidy’s first proper pep talk and conversation about his first resus/death on the beach.

The adrenaline wore off, and Harrison buried his head into his arms up in the tower. Out of nowhere Hoppo appeared, grabbing Harrison by the shoulder.

“You okay mate?”

“Mm… yeah, yeah I’m good.”

“You can take the rest of today off if you want, that was terrifying.”

Harrison shook his head, sitting upright.

“Nah, it just… I’m tired, but I can finish.”

“If you’re sure.”

Hoppo seemed unconvinced, but Harrison just picked up a pair of binoculars to study the water. Everyone noticed he avoided the south end, where Kurt had suffered his heart attack. Hoppo nudged Reidy, gesturing to the door. Reidy stood and followed, the door slamming shut behind them as they stepped outside.

 “Everything okay, boss?”

“Yes and no. Reidy, can you keep an eye on the south end? Harrison just needs some time out, so I’ll keep him busy doing other stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Paperwork… cleaning the change rooms… the med cabinet could do with some reorganising.”

“That’ll take him literally a couple hours!”

“It’ll distract him, which is what we want. Reidy, I’m counting on you here. He’s just a kid and he’s scarred, we need to keep his mind busy.”

“If you’re sure, Boss. I can do that.”

“Thanks mate.”

Hoppo clasped on Reidy’s shoulder, sending him a smile before disappearing into the tower. He reappeared moments later with Harrison in tow, both waving at Reidy before heading for Hoppo’s office. Reidy shook his head, trying to push the old memories away. He didn’t need that right now.

 “You wanted me Hoppo?”

“Yeah, sit Harrison.”

Harrison did as asked, Hoppo picking up a pen.

“I know you said you were okay, but I wanted to talk to you personally; how are you feeling after this morning?”

Harrison bristled, and then hesitated.

“Hoppo, I- to be honest with you mate, I’ve been trying to keep busy… it helps me not think about it, ya know? If I don’t think about it, maybe it didn’t happen. Maybe I didn’t drag a dead person from the water.”

Harrison’s eyes misted, and Hoppo hummed.

“You have two options, Harrison. I’m completely fine if you take the rest of today off to rest and recoup, and pick up another shift somewhere else when you feel a little better, or you can get to work for the rest of today and go straight to bed when you go home.”

Harrison furrowed his brows, before he shook his head.

“Put me to work, Hoppo. I need it.”

Hoppo’s eyes twinkled. He had a plan.

“Well, Harrison, the past few days I’ve been making a list of things that need to be done… try to get a few of these done today.”

He handed over the piece of paper and Harrison skimmed over it, before his eyes met Hoppo’s.

“Done.”

Harrison stood to exit the office, when Hoppo called after him.

“Oh, and Harrison?”

“Yeah boss?”

“Your job is on the line here. Don’t mess up.”

Even though in the back of his head he knew Hoppo wouldn’t fire him after this incident, he still nodded and rushed off to make a start.

 Sitting in the medical area taking inventory, Harrison had time to reflect over what he’d seen that morning. It was something that would stick with him for a long time, possibly even forever. Seeing a dead body for the first time was something no lifeguard manual could ever prepare you for; Harrison had gone straight to that piece of shit the second he got back to the tower after the event and had searched for a good twenty minutes for anything on dealing with patient deaths, but there was nothing. Not even a help line to call.

Sitting in that med bay, he felt tired and emotional and alone.

Finish the job. Hoppo wants you to.

Your health comes first. Go get someone. Go home.

The job?!

Reidy’s just around the corner. You don’t have to talk about it, but just talk to him.

That did it, and Harrison abandoned his clipboard in search of his friend.

 Reidy was on patrol when Harrison plopped down in the seat beside him. The more senior lifeguard smiled, and put his binoculars down to look at Harrison. There was a joke in the making rippling, but the second he saw Harrison it froze in the back of his throat.

“Aw, mate…”

“How do you deal with it? Y’know, afterwards?”

Harrison’s eyes were wide and tinted with unknown innocence. Reidy sighed and grabbed his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“The truth is Hutz, is that it never gets easier. Every new body we find feels like the first.”

He winced, realising he should have been easier on the kid, when Harrison spoke again.

“Did you cry? At your first?”

Reidy frowned, trying to think. It had been a while ago, and if he was honest he’d locked those memories away. He liked to be an upbeat, funny guy who didn’t really have many issues, so dealing with preventable death was something that he kept hidden from others, including his colleagues who had often been there at the same time.

“Reidy?”

Reidy cleared his throat, sighing.

“Yeah, I think I did. It was hard, we- she was not in a good way when I brought her to the beach…”

“Did you resus?” Harrison asked, and then shied away.

“Shit, sorry. You probably don’t want to be interrogated.”

“Nah, it’s okay. Surprisingly, it makes me feel a little better to talk about it.”

Reidy scooted his chair closer, giving Harrison’s knee an affectionate squeeze.

“C’mon kid, let’s go do that med inventory and I’ll tell you about it.”

 Rolling bandages and ticking things off the list left Reidy and Harrison quiet for a little while, working independently and barely looking at each other, before Reidy heaved a deep sigh.

“Harrison, the first death I was ever called out to was my girlfriend’s. She had been going out for a surf or something, they think, and she must have hit her head on a rock nearby. God, I have no idea how she could have hurt herself, she grew up in this water, at this beach, so it was a shock for me when I recognised her in the water.”

Harrison stayed quiet, his pen frozen as he listened to Reidy’s story. The air around them was suddenly heavy with emotion, and Reidy put down the stack of bandaids he was holding.

“So I brought her in on my board… we get to the shore, and she’s not really breathing. Her chest was moving, if I put my palm close to her mouth I could feel it, but her pulse was really weak. It was something I’d never experienced, and as the others began to work on her I just…”

He sniffed, and Harrison watched on with wide eyes. He’d never seen Reidy so much as have a bad day, let alone be close to tears.

“Fuck, she just- she let go, Hutz. I was sitting behind everyone and I could feel her slipping away from me. This girl, this person I loved, was slipping away from me and I did nothing.”

He sat on the blue stretcher bed beside Harrison, who shifted so Reidy had some room. Reidy put his hand on Harrison’s shoulder, heaving a big sigh before ruffling his hair.

“I loved her with everything I had, so when she died, it felt like a piece of me died too. It was probably the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve seen a lot of shitty things.”

He turned to face Harrison now, making him look into his eyes.

“Anyway; what I’m trying to say, mate, is that if you feel like you’re starting to think about it, go home- be with Maxi, call your family. Don’t try to push through it, because it’ll get you, when you least expect it. You’re a smart kid Harrison; I think you get a lot of things many people wouldn’t understand at your age.”

Harrison nodded, glancing at his lap for a moment. Then he looked up to meet Reidy’s eyes.

“Thanks. For… y’know. You could’ve just told me to toughen up.”

“Nah; we’re mates, you and me. It… it feels good to talk about her. I miss her, but I’m okay. I’m going to be okay without her.”

“You should talk about her more often. It’s pretty obvious what happened shook you up.”

“Yeah, it did. More than I could have ever imagined. But I love my job and I love the water, so I’m not about to stop coming. By preventing deaths, I almost feel like I’m doing what she would have wanted me to do.”

Reidy bumped Harrison’s shoulder, giving him a smile.

“Go home kid, have a nap and a shower. Don’t come back until you’re ready.”

“What about Hoppo-“

“-I’ll handle Hoppo. Go.”

The older of the pair waved the younger out of the tower to the changerooms so he could collect his things, smiling when Harrison took off at a jog. That kid had so much energy, so much presence in a room despite his pretty quiet personality, and he was eager to do what pleased people. He was still a kid as much as he didn’t like to think he was, so it was up to more senior lifeguards like Reidy, Hoppo and even Maxi to make sure he was doing okay.

 Speaking of Maxi, he heard the front door open from where he was on the couch and glanced at the clock on the wall- it was only two in the afternoon, who would be coming in? Who had a key?

Deano. It had to be Deano.

“Deano, mate is that you?”

“Nah mate. Hey.”

Maxi nearly shit himself when he saw Harrison come around the corner, his eyes falling when he took in his roommate’s eyes. They were filled with tears, and Maxi stood.

“What-“

“-I, uhm, I… someone died today.”

Maxi’s mouth formed an ‘O’ shape, and he nodded.

“You doing okay?”

Reidy bumped Harrison’s shoulder, giving him a smile.

“Go home kid, have a nap and a shower. Don’t come back until you’re ready.”

“What about Hoppo-“

“-I’ll handle Hoppo. Go.”

The older of the pair waved the younger out of the tower to the changerooms so he could collect his things, smiling when Harrison took off at a jog. That kid had so much energy, so much presence in a room despite his pretty quiet personality, and he was eager to do what pleased people. He was still a kid as much as he didn’t like to think he was, so it was up to more senior lifeguards like Reidy, Hoppo and even Maxi to make sure he was doing okay.

 Speaking of Maxi, he heard the front door open from where he was on the couch and glanced at the clock on the wall- it was only two in the afternoon, who would be coming in? Who had a key?

Deano. It had to be Deano.

“Deano, mate is that you?”

“Nah mate. Hey.”

Maxi nearly shit himself when he saw Harrison come around the corner, his eyes falling when he took in his roommate’s eyes. They were filled with tears, and Maxi stood.

“What-“

“-I, uhm, I… someone died today.”

Maxi’s mouth formed an ‘O’ shape, and he nodded.

“You doing okay?”

Yes

It was on the tip of Harrison’s tongue, his automatic answer, but as he blinked back tears he shook his head.

“No, Maxi. I’m not okay and I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh shit, mate. Hey, it’s okay. C’mere.”

Maxi rushed over, grabbing Harrison by the shoulder. He pulled his friend into a hug and Harrison accepted it, hugging tightly.

“I tried to stop it, Max, but I didn’t get there in time. If I’d been more alert, maybe I could have stopped it, maybe there was something I could have done better-“

“-hey, hey Hutz. None of that. It’s not your fault, you tried your best and that’s all anyone could ever ask for.”

“How do you know?” Harrison replied, but his voice was muffled through Maxi’s shirt. Maxi ruffled his hair, pulling away.

“Because over the last year I’ve come to learn a lot about you, and while you’re one weird son of a bitch, you’re also someone who never half-asses anything. I saw those nights you agreed to stay back with the senior lifeguards, I see that extra training. You put your all into everything you do, so don’t ever feel that you didn’t do enough.”

Harrison sniffed, a tear falling before he nodded.

“Thanks, Maxi. You- how did you know? What to say? Are you psychic?”

“Oh, something like that.”

(Hint: he’s been listening to Hoppo, Kerrbox and others over the years, combined with his own observations of Harrison and BAM)

Harrison chuckled, gesturing to the couch.

“Mind if I…?”

“Go for it.”

Maxi stood aside and Harrison flopped on to the comfortable leather, his eyes closing.

“Holy shit, I forgot how nice this was.”

“You never sit down long enough to appreciate it,” Maxi snorted. Harrison glanced up, before a smile crossed his face.

“You’re probably right, but here I am, appreciating our comfortable couch.”

Maxi laughed, flopping down into the armchair beside the couch. He turned up the cricket and noticed how Harrison immediately tuned into it.

 Harrison was one hell of a kid, and the three years between them felt like nothing compared to the two between Maxi and Taco when he was working with the lifeguards.

Okay, and maybe Taco was kind of painful but Maxi knew he must have been painful at the start too.

 A week later the two boys walked into the tower together, Harrison’s first time since he had been at the death of a beach goer. The lifeguards in the tower saw him and immediately called out, Harries standing to clap while Kerrbox leaned over the edge, shaking Harrison’s hand.

“Good to have you back mate. You’re looking good.”

“Thanks Box.”

Harrison smiled before heading up the stairs. At the desk sat Reidy, who just smiled at him. He nodded, and Harrison nodded back. What had been said between them was a secret no one else had to know about- Reidy’s secret would stay a secret for as long as he wanted, Harrison wasn’t going to blurt it. Likewise, Reidy wasn’t going to go around speaking of how helpless Harrison had felt when he tried to revive that poor man only two days prior. The two had a mutual respect for each other after their discussions, they knew each other a little better than they had before and it was something that’d stay between them.

“Oi, Hutzy!”

Harrison jumped at the booming voice before he turned to see Hoppo was standing at the door, a proud smile on his face.

“Thanks for showing up, finally.”

Harrison blushed, went to apologise, when he saw the twinkle in Hoppo’s eye. He was only taking the piss.

“Yeah mate, thought I’d better have a couple days off from the bed.”

Everyone in the tower burst out laughing, and Harrison felt his whole body relax. Yes, he’d dealt with a death on Bondi. Yes, it had been traumatic. Yes he would probably never forget what he had seen that day.

But he had people to talk to, people who understood what he was feeling.

 It hit Harrison just then how damn lucky he was.

[timeagainreviews]

The Doctor needs a medic!

Clarification: I did a little research after my article last week. That "sister," line from Arachnids was still getting to me. As an American living in the UK, I was unaware of the fact that head nurses were still called sisters, despite them no longer being nuns. So it turns out that the Doctor wasn’t implying she used to be a female, but rather than she was using sexist outdated language. Cool… cool. Can’t decide which is worse. I mean, she is a bit old. Perhaps she’s a bit old fashioned as well. I’d keep an eye on her if she starts reading the Daily Mail.

We’re now at the halfway point of the series. Five episodes in, and I would say this one was, if nothing else, fairly solid. "The Tsuranga Conundrum" may be one of my favourite episodes of the series thus far, and it’s a bottle episode! However, while Chris Chibnall wrote the episode, the alien threat in it was actually devised by writer Tim Price, so it was a bit of a group effort. It would appear, however, that the real antagonist of this story… is time.

In an odd way, the opening shot of the episode had me thinking of the previous "Arachnids in the UK," with its giant landfill. I almost wondered if they weren’t actually rooting around underground Sheffield. Instead we’re on a planet called "Seffilun 27," in what the Doctor refers to as a "junk galaxy." The planet seems to be covered in junk as far as the eye can see. I was reminded a bit of House from "The Doctor’s Wife," with all of the junk from discarded TARDISes lying around. The Doctor has Team TARDIS sweeping for junk she can use for unspecified Doctory stuff. Instead of finding the desired gadget, Graham discovers a sonic mine that lands them all in the hospital.

The hospital is your typical Doctor Who style futuristic building, all white and sleek. It’s what you’d expect, but there’s a bit more than meets the eye. The Doctor is the last to wake up and feels pretty awful. You can already tell it’s going to be a handicap for her throughout the episode. I was reminded of regeneration episodes where the Doctor is "still cooking," and has to deal with a bit of pain. Nothing really comes from the pain other than a bit of added suspense, which is all fine and good. This is not the only handicap the Doctor will face throughout the episode.

The two attending medics are Astos and Mabli. Both are young, attractive, and seem very capable at their jobs. The Doctor discovers from Astos, the head medic, that they have spent the last four days on a medical ship called the Tsuranga (as opposed to a hospital) on its way to a space station called Resus 1. This causes the Doctor to panic. She’s left her TARDIS behind on a junk planet, where people scavenge, and she’s "only just got it back!" However, Astos reminds her that the ship needs to reach it’s destination for the health and wellbeing of the ship’s passengers. It’s a reasonable argument and the Doctor can’t deny it.

Among the patients on the ship, other than the Doctor and her friends, is Eve Cicero, a famous pilot and general, accompanied by her brother Durkas and android assistant Ronan. There’s also a pregnant man named Yoss (YOSSSSS GAGA! Sorry, had to) who is about to pop. Eve has Ronan manipulating the less experienced Mabli to provide her with adrenaline blockers, all behind both Astos and her brother’s backs. Yoss’ species’ gestation period of about a week, hasn’t given him much time to come to terms with being a father. His anxiety is even further exacerbated by the fact that his pregnancy was the result of a bit of fun at a party. Ryan, who grew up with an absentee father, seems to latch onto this, despite his initial reaction to a pregnant man.

The Doctor can’t turn the vessel around to pick up her TARDIS as it’s locked in on a path, auto-piloted. It only seems to pick up people in distress along the way, acting as a space ambulance. To make matters worse, the ship will be detonated if anyone tampers with it, in case of a hijacking, which seems a bit extreme. Other reasons it may be detonated, would be for quarantine reasons, or if it posed a threat to anyone. Which seems like as good a time as any to introduce our alien threat- Item Seven Alpha Cubed, otherwise known as "Pting." (Probably named after the sound the hull of a ship makes whenever it turns up.)

This marks the second week in a row where the reveal of the baddie has made me react with an "Awww!" Look at that little face! What a little cutie. Sadly, that little cutie just caused the death of Astos, as it caused the escape pod he was inside to evacuate, and detonate. I’m not 100% sure why it actually detonated, even without life support. Is part of a ship’s life support system allotted to the not-exploding of things? Regardless though, the Pting isn’t really hostile like a Dalek is hostile, it just seems a bit hungry! It doesn’t seem to eat organic matter, though it makes a right meal of the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver. The cosplayer in me was worried I was going to have to order a whole new piece for a second, but it coughed it right back up! Though it no longer seems to work. Another handicap.

The Pting is a rather resilient little creature. General Cicero had encountered them before as one “massacred” her entire fleet. Their skin is toxic to the touch and unbreakable. It can survive the vacuum of space, and it seems to enjoy eating anything. Think of a mix between a tardigrade, a Gremlin, and Nibbler. The Doctor must stop it from destroying the life support (see: anti-exploding device), and also from alerting the people back on Resus 1 from detonating the ship as well. They also need to keep the little muncher away from the ship’s anti-matter generator, so the heat is on!

One of the things I’ve been paying close attention to this series is whether the companions are utilised properly. The decision to have three over the usual one is something of a self-imposed challenge. Writing for an ensemble is far more difficult than the usual duo. Even classic Doctor Who struggled to balance three companions at times. I mentioned previously Nyssa’s TARDIS naps. Graham gets a nice little moment where he questions Durkas as to why he’s looking into his sister’s medical records. His friendly, yet direct approach was as though he was channelling the Doctor. He seems to be taking her example to heart. Yaz gets put on guard duty with Ronan, protecting the anti-matter generator. And Ryan and Graham both get a bit of screen time as doulas helping Yoss through labour. I had my second "Awww!" moment when Yoss requested other men be there as support. It was cute, shut up.

While Yaz and Ryan were gathering up the people on the ship for an emergency meeting, they have a little heart to heart in a corridor. I couldn’t help but feel like this bit felt tacked on. The ship is in danger, and they stop to talk about how Ryan’s mum died. It stopped the momentum of the episode cold in its tracks. The only reason I can think they added it in at this point, was because they couldn’t think of a better place to put it. They needed to divulge Ryan’s backstory so they could tie it in with Yoss’ fatherhood. This seemed more of a writing choice than a directing choice. It’s fine, really, but not very graceful.

There were some really good Doctor moments in this episode. I loved her claim that she has a doctorate in Lego. It’s funny because in my classic-Who rewatch, I’m currently on "The Edge of Destruction," and the Doctor’s speech about anti-matter reminded me a bit of the First Doctor’s monologue about the formation of galaxies. I will say though, it fell short of some of the better Doctor monologues we’ve had in the past. Regardless, it was nice to see the Doctor nerd out on science and show her passion a little. My only real issue with the Doctor’s characterisation in this episode stems, once again, from her morality.

Chris Chibnall doesn’t seem to know what his Doctor’s stance on guns actually is. It’s not ok to shoot robots or dying spiders, but it’s way okay to shoot the Pting? Yaz and Ronan are both given staser guns to guard the generator. While I am glad to see such an old reference return (as well as the stethoscope!), I’m once again confused by what Chibnall considers an ok time to shoot something. Funnily enough, this episode is exactly how I think the Doctor’s attitude toward guns should be portrayed. Nothing can really kill the Pting, so it’s really tantamount to a Star Trek officer using a stun setting. But the main idea was that the gun was used as a defence, to protect life and because it was the best option. That should always be the Doctor’s attitude toward guns- are they the best option? The best hope? She’s a Doctor of hope, so of course, she always looks for the best option, but she’s not stupid either. In a lot of ways, that’s what she’s done this series when it comes to guns. But it’s in the dialogue where her aims get muddled. I agree with Chibnall. The Doctor should have a disdain for guns. Guns are the end of hope in most cases. But sometimes River shoots the Silence, Leela shoots some guys in a corridor, and the Brigadier holds off an invasion.

With Astos dead, it’s up to Mabli to take control of the situation, which in her case means considering what’s best for her patients. With Yoss in labour, she needs to help him deliver his baby. Wisely, she allows the Doctor to do what she needs to do to save everyone’s lives. With the Pting eating at the ship's systems, they decide they need to find a quicker way to get to Resus 1. They must fly the ship themselves, which will also alert the security protocols, causing it to detonate, but one thing at a time. The Doctor finds a way to bypass the ship’s auto-pilot and has Durkas, an engineer, build a makeshift neural interface with the piloting system. It’s revealed that due to her years of flying with a neural interface, Eve has developed a condition known as "Pilot’s Heart." Due to this, adrenaline has built up in her system. One big jolt could stop her heart and kill her. The Doctor offers to fly the ship, but Eve insists she’s the best woman for the job, despite the dangers involved.

Around this time Ryan and Graham are learning to rise to the occasion as doulas. Yoss is in full labour panic mode, and needs his guys there to cheer him on! Yaz and Ronan have to grapple with the Pting. After stunning it unconscious, Yaz wraps it in a blanket and bends it like Beckham down the corridor. Go Yaz! The Doctor enters the scene looking for the ship’s detonation device. Clearly, a ship in deep space is too far away for missiles, so the bomb must be onboard. It’s a bit contrived that such a device would exist, but the aforementioned reasons are fine. Whatever. Around this time, the sonic screwdriver boots itself back up, and the pieces all come together for the Doctor. The Pting isn’t eating matter, it’s eating energy.

The Doctor and Yaz locate the bomb and move it to an airlock. She speeds up the detonation so that the building energy attracts the Pting, and just before the device explodes, the Pting swallows it whole, with an adorable look of delight on its little face from the warm glow its tummy. Seriously, as Who monsters go, this thing is freaking cute. The Doctor ejects it from the airlock, and that’s two threats taken care of in one go. Two birds, one stone.

The imminent threat of piloting the ship still looms. While hooked into the interface, Eve was able to control the ship, despite the less than ideal conditions. But without any more adrenaline blockers onboard, her heart gives out on her. She dies a hero, but her work is unfinished. Durkas must now rise to the occasion as a Cicero. It’s more of a poetic solution than logical. Being related to a pilot somehow makes you a better candidate to fly the ship than the Doctor herself. But he does a fine enough job as he flies them to safety.

Yoss has his little boy, Avocado, and Ryan and Graham seem like they’re getting along, but Ryan leaves Graham’s fist bump hanging. And I gotta say, what the hell is Ryan’s deal still? I mean, come on man. He’s stopped asking you to call him granddad, but you could at least give the dude a fist bump. It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to think Ryan is being a bit of a dick toward Graham. Perhaps he’s closed off because the men in his life have abandoned him, but this is getting ridiculous. They’ve been through five onscreen adventures, and several offscreen adventures at this point. They’ve been through a lot, to put it lightly. Travelling with the Doctor should be far more of a bonding experience. While it is better to show than tell, Ryan’s standoffishness to Graham is getting old. Graham seems to take it in stride though. You’ve gotta give him credit for that.

Now on Resus 1, Ronan will probably shut down with nobody left to serve. Durkas apologises for not being kinder to him in the past. It’s weird that the Doctor doesn’t offer to take him to some sort of android planet or something. I kind of expected it. Yoss has decided to keep Avocado. Ryan, who was a big part in this decision, helped him come to grips with the idea of being a father by telling him that a father doesn’t need to be perfect, he just needs to be there. The Doctor and her friends are given assurances that they’ll be taken back to the TARDIS after they give their statements. The episode ends with Ronan reciting a kind of litany that Durkas, Yoss, and surprisingly the Doctor all know by heart. All in all, it’s not a bad way to leave the episode. In comparison to last week, there is far more of a feeling of resolution.

As I said, this episode was pretty solid. But one of the things I’m still holding out to see from this series is Jodie’s big "wow," moment. This is in no way me saying she has failed to wow me as the Doctor. I’ve not hidden my total joy over her performance. What I am waiting for is for the fury to come out. Christopher Eccleston spent a good chunk of his series being either sad, bossy, or silly. But when the episode "Dalek," came around, we got to see another side to his Doctor- his scary side! How about with the Tenth Doctor doomed the Family of Blood to an eternity of torture? Or how about when Eleven stared down his companions with intimidating eyes because he could see they were lying to him? I’m still waiting for Thirteen to get scary. We saw it come out in a microscopic amount when she warned Krasko not to threaten her. But I’m still waiting for that moment.

Thus far she’s been a rather friendly and forgiving Doctor. She’s shown more compassion than contempt. I’m waiting for one of the writers to give us a truly morally ambiguous moment of the Doctor. And no, having conflicting morality about guns doesn’t count! I was hoping that this episode would be the one. We would finally get that truly contemptible villain, and we’d get to see her dark side come out. If they’re going to make the brave decision of excluding Daleks and other classic baddies, we deserve a new one of the same calibre. What this episode gave us instead, was a pretty solid base in peril episode. I won’t fault it for not being the big evil monster I was hoping for, because what we got instead was pretty effective.

Again, we’re only halfway in. There’s plenty of time to up the stakes. We need a good dose of danger. I’d like to see some more planet threatening terror. We need more timeline meddling other than one racist pissing in the wind against change. But despite the lack of fear, this episode had one thing going for it above all else. This episode had a lot of heart. It may not have been a heart-stopping thrill ride, but in there were real moments of joy. Having a threat that was so cute was actually a welcome surprise. It wasn’t trying to be a big bad villain. Here’s to hoping that the second half of series eleven amps up the danger factor!

[kk095]

Pile-up

Here's my warning for the usual elements of my stories (blood, internal resus, and time called). Enjoy!

*****

As an ER doctor, I can tell you that car accidents are one of the most common reasons why trauma patients end up in my emergency department. The thing that upsets me most about car accidents is they’re preventable, considering that two-thirds of all accidents are caused by drugs/alcohol or speeding/reckless driving. The accident I dealt with in my last shift was an exception to this. An 18 wheeler truck turned on its side on a local highway due to wet pavement since it rained earlier that day. The result of this accident was a 30 car pile-up with 2 DOAs on scene, as well as an overwhelmed ER on my end. After everything was all said and done, my emergency department lost 3 of the 80 patients we received. That may seem like a respectable statistic given the circumstances, but that doesn’t make losing a patient any easier.

The first patient we lost was a 52 year old woman named Donna. She had pin straight blonde hair, blue eyes, a natural tan, average height and build, and she looked about 10-15 years younger than her actual age. Donna arrived at the ER under CPR, in coarse V-Fib, and was intubated at the scene. EMS set up 2 large bore IVs and hung a bag of normal saline. EMS also shocked her 6 times en route, pushed 1 round of lorazepam since she had a seizure on scene, 2 rounds of epinephrine and atropine, and said she’s been down for 8 and a half minutes. Donna also presented with blunt head trauma. Her pupils were sluggish but reactive, she had a blood soaked gauze pad over her left temple covering up a deep laceration, and she also had spinal fluid coming out of her left ear, a possible complication associated with a skull fracture or a tear in the lining of the brain or spinal cord (or a combination of the two). Injuries involving a spinal fluid leak are typically fatal but survivors of injuries like this typically have neurological impairments, ranging from mild to severe.

Once Donna was in the trauma room, the code was continued. The team cut off the rest of her clothes, continued CPR and ambu bagging, and charged the defibrillator paddles for the next shock. Donna's chest was pumped repeatedly as her blue eyes remained wide open, staring up at the ceiling. Her breasts bounced around from the force of each individual compression as the trauma team desperately tried to bring her back. Moments later, the trauma team shocked her. Donna’s body flopped quickly and sharply on the table as the monitors showed no change whatsoever. The nurses continued CPR and ambu bagging as the defibrillator paddles were charged yet again. Donna’s feet jolted upwards before crashing back onto the table, showing off prominent wrinkles in the soles of her size 9 feet.

The team coded Donna for 6 more minutes. Despite several more shocks, rounds of medication, and cycles of CPR, the trauma team called time of death on her at 17:26. The ambu bag was detached from the ET tube, leaving the tube hanging out the side of donna's mouth as her eyes remained wide open. The trauma team removed the EKG electrodes from her bruised chest before placing a toe tag and covering her battered body.

The 2nd patient that passed away in my ER was a 28 year old woman named Isabelle. She had wavy, dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and was wearing a black bandanna on her head. She was of average build and slim build, had a near perfect smile, had tattoos on the top of her right foot and on her left forearm, and had nipple piercings. Isabelle arrived at the ER awake, alert, and in immense pain. She was crying and told the trauma team that she was scared, didn’t want to die, and it hurt when she breathed. Isabelle seemed like a genuinely nice person so this bothered the trauma team a bit.

When Isabelle was brought into the trauma room, it was quickly discovered that she had an open pneumothorax on the left side. The trauma team placed a chest tube while she was awake; Isabelle cried and yelled out in excruciating pain as the chest tube was being placed. Isabelle remained hypotensive after the tube was placed. The massive transfusion protocol was then initiated. The trauma team knew she was bleeding elsewhere but weren’t sure of the exact location. Since the trauma team needed to get to the bottom of Isabelle's injuries, they ordered a few tests. The chest x ray didn’t show any evidence of injury besides the open pneumothorax which was treated; an echocardiogram confirmed this. However, an abdominal ultrasound showed evidence of a retroperitoneal bleed, but the source was unable to be identified. Because of this, the trauma team ordered a surgical consult and a CT scan of the abdomen and pelvis. However, there was a bit of a wait for the CT scanner due to the massive influx of patients in the emergency department.

A few minutes later, Isabelle stopped crying and lost consciousness. The trauma team intubated her and kept monitoring her vitals. She was dangerously hypotensive and on the verge of coding. The trauma team wheeled the crash cart into the trauma room just in case.

The trauma team pushed meds to increase her BP and they kept transfusing but her stats didn’t come up, resulting in a code. The monitors showed coarse V-Fib so chest compressions were promptly started as the defibrillator paddles were being charged. Isabelle’s skinny body shifted around on the table as she received deep, violent chest compressions. Her eyes were shut and the black bandanna remained on her forehead as her head bobbed around while she received CPR. Moments later, everyone backed off as the 1st shock was delivered. Isabelle’s body jolted violently for a brief moment as the shock went through her body. The monitors showed no change so CPR and ambu bagging continued as a round of epinephrine was pushed into her IV. One of Isabelle’s ribs snapped like a twig during the code, but the nurse ignored the noticeable crunching sound and kept performing CPR. Moments later, everyone backed off of Isabelle as the next shock was delivered. Isabelle's size 8 feet flew an inch or so above the table and crashed back down half a second later, revealing cute wrinkles in the soles of her feet.

The trauma team shocked her 3 more times to no avail before deciding to crack her chest. The goal was to clamp her aorta to temporarily stop the retroperitoneal hemorrhage and to shock the heart directly. Betadine was squirted onto her chest as the attending physician made a crude, but decisive incision into the 5th intercostal space, just below Isabelle’s pierced nipples. While CPR and ambu bagging went on, the doctor forcefully opened the beautiful woman’s chest with a left anterolateral thoracotomy. Once her chest was adequately opened, one of the residents massaged Isabelle’s quivering heart while the attending placed a clamp on the aorta near the diaphragm. Once the clamp was placed, another round of epinephrine was pushed as the sound of the internal paddles charging filled the room. The large, spoon shaped paddles were placed into Isabelle’s chest and a shock was delivered. Isabelle's body twitched slightly as her heart continued to quiver erratically inside her chest. Her heart was massaged for another 15 or 20 seconds before the internal paddles were placed back in. A dull thump was heard as the next shock went through her body. The monitors still displayed V-Fib so internal compressions were resumed as the internal paddles were recharged.

Isabelle was shocked 2 more times with the internal paddles. After that last shock, she converted to asystole. The sound of the monitors going flat filled the room as the attending physician abruptly terminated the code. “time of death, 17:51.” Said the attending physician in a frustrated, and defeated tone as they pulled their gloves off while the nurses detached the ambu bag and shut off the monitors.

Isabelle face looked calm and peaceful. Her eyes were shut, she was still wearing the bandana, and the detached ET tube hung out the side of her mouth by her pale lips. Her heart sat still inside her chest as the rib spreader and EKG electrodes were removed from her bruised and betadine stained chest. A toe tag was placed on the big toe of her left foot. The tag dangled in front of her cute soles as her body was covered up.

At the time, we didn’t fully know the extent of her injuries. The autopsy revealed that the massive retroperitoneal bleed was from a severed mesenteric artery. Injuries like this are often devastating, resulting in mortality rates as high as 54%. Unfortunately, Isabelle was a part of that 54%.

The final patient my emergency department lost was a 31 year old white Hispanic (originally from Spain). Her name was Maria and she was petite, fair skinned, had short brown hair, brown eyes, no piercings, and a tattoo on her left foot.

Maria presented to the ER in and out consciousness, groaning in pain. She laid on the backboard still in her black bra with noticeable redness and bruising on her chest. She was severely hypotensive, her breathing was labored, and she seemed to be in a bit of a daze.

Once the trauma team got her into the trauma room, they removed the rest of Maria’s clothes as they began their initial assessment of her. Her stats were plummeting rapidly so there was a strong sense of urgency.

It was discovered that she had a massive hemothorax, so bilateral chest tubes were placed. Tears rolled down the side of Maria’s face as she groaned in pain during the placement of the chest tubes. The massive transfusion protocol was initiated on her since it was obvious that she was in hypovolemic shock.

Maria’s condition deteriorated rapidly. Her eyes remained half open as she took her last breath and became unconscious. The monitors displayed pulseless electrical activity and an echocardiogram showed that the massive hemothorax was only slightly dissipated by the chest tubes, suggesting a bleed from a vessel in Maria’s chest.

Maria received deep, rapid chest compressions while she was being intubated. Once the tube was placed and taped, a round of epi was pushed as the attending physician decided to perform a clamshell thoracotomy. Maria's chest caved in during each individual compression while the physician made a large incision, covering both sides of her chest just below her nipples. Once the incision was made and the breastbone was exposed, a sternal saw was used to cut her sternum in half horizontally. CPR was quickly stopped as the high pitched sound of the saw grinding away at her breastbone filled the chaotic scene. After the drilling and sawing, CPR was resumed as a finochietto rib spreader was placed in the center of Maria’s chest with the bar to the right, pointing down near her belly button.

Massive amounts of blood poured out of her chest once it was opened. External CPR was stopped as one of the nurses suctioned out Maria's chest while one of the residents began internal compressions. The monitors still showed PEA so a 2nd round of epi was pushed along with a round of rhogam so a bag of B-negative blood could be hung on the rapid infuser.

The 2nd round of epi converted Maria to V-Fib just as the source of the bleeding was discovered. Her superior vena cava was completely torn off the back of her right atrium. Even though you’re not supposed to clamp veins due to the elevated risk of blood clots forming, the trauma team made an exception and clamped off the vena cava and attempted to staple it back into the correct place.

After the stapling was done, the trauma team shocked Maria with the internal paddles. The monitors showed V-Fib yet again but the staples broke off, resulting in additional blood loss. The monitors kept going crazy as the doctors reached back into Maria’s chest to resume internal compressions while simultaneously re-attaching the superior vena cava to the right atrium.

After attempt #2, another shock was delivered. Maria’s toes curled from the electricity, showing off a few cute wrinkles in the soles of her tiny feet.

The monitors showed no change so the same cycle of internal compressions and defibs went on. The trauma team coded Maria for 4 more minutes. They called time of death at 18:31 while she was still in V-Fib. Maria’s pupils were fixed and dilated, despite being down for only 6 minutes. The reason for this is she couldn’t circulate blood throughout her body effectively due to the vena cava not being able to bring blood back to the heart.

After time of death was called, the trauma team immediately shut off the monitors and detached the ambu bag. Maria’s eyes remained half open, staring blankly above as the ET tube hugged her pale lips. Her heart continued quivering in her chest as the trauma nurses removed the EKG electrodes from her cold, lifeless body. One of the residents removed the rib spreader from the center of Maria's chest, revealing the massive cut in her chest which was only made a few minutes earlier. Maria’s heart fired off its last few electrical impulses as a sheet was placed over her battered, lifeless body.

Days like this are always tough because losing a human life is never easy. However, I kept a positive mindset and thought “at least we saved way more patients than we lost.”

[isshebreathing]

Thank you to everyone who has such a great response to my first resus story, I have a bunch of them saved that I have never shared with anyone, so I am slowly going through them to finish them and share. Hope you enjoy!

Chronic Asthma pt 1

I opened my apartment door to be greeted by Walter the cat, my girlfriend, Jen, was in her final year of med school so usually Walter was the one who greeted me.

I had been short of breath and wheezy all day, enough so that Jen asked “did you just get back from a run? You sound like you’re out of breath, are you okay?” when I talked to her on a break at work. I lied to her and told her I had just been running to get the door.

In reality, shortly after that call left work early because I felt so lousy. My asthma was hard to control on a good day but in spring it was impossible. I had a pounding headache from not getting a full breath all day and I couldn’t think straight.

By the time sat down on the sofa I was dizzy from the full day allergic reaction. I felt a tickle in my nose and sneezed so loudly it scared Walter away. I meant to sarcastically yell “thanks for the help asshole”but i could not stop sneezing.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck” I thought to myself as the allergy attack took hold, I could already feel the beginning crackles of my lungs panicking into a full blow asthma attack.

I tried to keep calm enough to find the red “breathing emergency” kit I always had near me since I was a kid. I found the kit and opened it, I smiled as I found a note that said “don’t panic” written by my girlfriend, a subtle nod to my favorite science fiction novel. The distraction helped calm my panicked lungs long enough to be able to ingest a dose of Benadryl. I grabbed my rescue inhaler and squeezed it as I inhaled deeply, feeling my lungs start to constrict even further. I took in three more desperate pumps of the inhaler.

Most people think an asthma attack is not being able to take in breath, but actually it’s not being able to get rid of it. Your lungs just keep taking in air and not letting anything out, they’re like a balloon on the verge of bursting.

The inhaler couldn’t keep up with my hyperventilating. I moved to the bedroom where I keep my nebulizer and with tremoring hands I filled up the medicine cup and turned it on, I put the vaporized pipe in my mouth and took a breath in. I notice a tickle in the back of my nose immediately. I tried not to panic, I was in a full on breathing crisis.

My now trembling body reached out for my cell phone and clumsily knocked it off the table.

Fuck, I was starting to really panic.

I looked up and saw the landline my girlfriend not only kept but received regular phone calls on, the thought of all the times I had teased her about it helped to calm me down a bit. I vowed to never give her shit for it again as I reached out with both hands and crudely and desperately grasped the phone. My fine motor skills had already started slipping from lack of oxygen and I could not afford to drop this phone too.

I carefully steadied my index finger and pushed “9” then “1” and “1”

911 can you please tell me where you are at?

I tried to speak and only a high pitched gasp came out.

Fuck, I couldn’t speak.

Asthma’s best friend was anxiety, and if one started the other ramped up too, so I used every meditation technique my liberal arts degree had taught me to keep from panicking and buying me precious moments of lucidity and air.

I let the handheld phone fall to the floor as I eased myself to the ground and found my cell phone I turned on my translator app and carefully typed “4638 Spaight Street” and pushed the speaker to hear a monotone woman’s voice repeat what I typed.

“Asthma. Please help.” The voice repeated as I frantically typed.

“4 pumps inhaler, albuterol nebulizer treatment, 30ml Benadryl” the voice repeated as I typed it in. This was more of a note for the paramedics that I hoped were on the way. I hoped the dispatcher heard the mechanical words and was sending help.

If they were on the way I could hold out, if she was still trying to figure out where to send them I would pass out soon, unable to get any air I likely wouldn’t survive.

I focused on bringing air in and letting it out. I zoned in on my breathing. “There is nothing else,” I told myself “just air coming in and flowing out.” It was hard to focus because I could feel a pressure in my chest building from my heart straining under the pressure of my ever shortening breath.

The corners of the room were blacking as my vision narrowed I curled up into a fetal position, willing my lungs to inhale just one last time.

My lungs were useless, unable to take in air. My chest began to throb as I felt my heart pumping harder and faster in my chest, I was surprised at how long my heart had held out under the stress.

Womp womp womp womp, my heart had to be going at least 250 beats a minute, a fatal arrhythmia.

My field of vision was quickly narrowing. I resigned myself to the idea that help was likely not coming and this was the end. I saw the clock on the wall By the door. 430 in the morning, Jen wouldn’t be home for a few more hours, I hoped she didn’t find my body, she would never get over that. Jen’s delicate face surrounded by black curls came into view as her heart weakly pumped its last few sporadic and useless beats, then began to quiver chaotically, unable to pump any blood. My vision closed in on itself, I was grateful my mind could conjure one last image of Jen before I plunged into nothingness.