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Organic Cold-Pressed Oils Online in India
Looking to buy organic cold-pressed oils online in India? Organic cold-pressed oils are extracted without the use of heat or chemicals, preserving their essential nutrients and natural flavors. These oils, including coconut, sesame, mustard, and groundnut, are rich in antioxidants, vitamins, and healthy fats, making them a superior choice for cooking and skincare. Purchasing organic cold-pressed oils online ensures that you get pure, chemical-free oils delivered conveniently to your doorstep, allowing you to embrace a healthier and more sustainable lifestyle.
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Experience the unmatched benefits of cold pressed groundnut oil, packed with nutrients, antioxidants, and natural flavor to boost your health and enhance your cooking. Switch to Gulab Goodness for premium quality oil that’s perfect for a healthier lifestyle. Contact Us today to explore our range of nutritious oils and start your journey to better living!
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Difference Between Cold Pressed Oil and Hot Pressed Oil
Vegetable oils are among the most widely used commodities in everyday cooking, but they are not all the same. Knowing the difference between cold-pressed and hot-pressed oils can improve an individual's health and the quality of what is applied to the skin. In this blog, we will explore the differences between these two oils, the processes involved in extracting them, their nutritional properties, and the uses and benefits of each consumption.
What is Cold Pressed Oil?
It is obtained by pressing products like seeds, nuts, or vegetables without adding heat. This conventional process involves physically milling the feedstock to obtain the oil without heat or chemicals. Cooking is at temperature standards normally below 49 degrees Celsius (120 degrees Fahrenheit); thus, the press retains the oil's natural flavour, aroma, and nutritional content.
What is Hot Pressed Oil?
Hot-pressed oil is a term often used in the food industry. The name was derived from the initial process of hot pressing. Hot-pressed oil is prepared by heating and pressing the oilseeds, whereby temperatures are high. The seeds are usually roasted before being pressed and then processed through cooking with pressure and heat to get the oil. In this production style, which is the most common today and suits commercial production, chemicals are used to boost the yield and the appearance of the oil. From this stage, the oil undergoes some processing to filter off any impurities and enhance its shelf life.
Extraction Processes
Cold Pressed Oil Extraction
Temperature: This extraction is carried out at low temperatures, often below 49 degrees Celsius.
Method: The kernels are ground mechanically without applying heat or roasting the seeds or nuts.
Chemicals: Chemicals are not applied at the aloe vera gel's extraction stage.
Refinement: It should also be noted that these oils do not undergo refining, as this process tends to be fairly delicate, and most of the oils' properties are preserved.
Yield: The yield is normally slightly lower, between 35 and 50 per cent of the total mass of the seeds or nuts.
Hot Pressed Oil Extraction
Temperature: The seeds are either heated, roasted, or subjected to high temperatures by pressing.
Method: Refers to applying external heat and, at times, friction in the extraction process.
Chemicals: Some added substances may raise yield while maintaining some heat-destructed nutrients.
Refinement: It also helps remove impurities and enhances the shelf life of the oil used for operations.
Yield: The yield is higher, averaging 40%—60% of the weight of the seeds or nuts.
Nutritional Value: A Comparison
Many consider cold-pressed oils healthier or of better quality because the extraction process does not involve high temperatures. Hence, the seeds or nuts' natural antioxidants, vitamins, and EFAs are intact. These oils are also characterised by a thick texture and a powerful smell, so they will beautifully accentuate the taste of meals.
The processing of hot-pressed oils passes through high heat, which fails to preserve most of the oils' nutritional attributes. Some possible negative effects include increased heat, weakening the proteins, altering the oil viscosity, and eliminating bioactive substances. Therefore, hot-pressed oils are normally less nutritious than cold-pressed oils and sometimes contain a certain amount of residual chemicals.
Cold Pressed Oil Benefits
Nutrient-Rich: Rich sources of antioxidants, vitamins, especially Vitamin E, essential fatty acids.
No Additives: Chemical and additives free.
Flavourful: It helps maintain the natural flavours and smell of foods, boosting their taste.
Healthier Option: Linked with many health benefits, including lowering of the bad cholesterol as well as enhancing the general cardiovascular health.
Hot Pressed Oil Benefits
Higher Yield: A larger quantity of oil is obtained from the same volume of seeds or nuts.
Longer Shelf Life: The refining and some chemical treatments can improve the oil's shelf life.
Cost-Effective: They are usually less expensive because they have better yields and are much more durable.
Which is Better?
Cold-pressed oils are the most recommended oils to use. They contain more of their natural nutrients and do not contain dangerous chemicals. For people who want healthy and natural products to use for cooking and massaging, cold-pressed oils are the most recommended.
Nonetheless, due to their cost-effectiveness and output, hot-pressed oils are still useful occasionally, particularly in commercial dishes and pastries. The decision finally depends on whether you want health, naturality, quality, price, and product longevity.
Final Words
Gaining some insights about cold-pressed and hot-pressed oils will assist you in selecting the best oils that you require for your health and cooking requirements. The former, such as cold-pressed oils, have better nutritional values and natural and appealing tastes to many, but the latter, hot-pressed oils, have higher output rates and longevity of shelf life plus lower price. On this basis, it is possible to choose the right type of oil for their further use.
Indeed, using cold-pressed oils in one's diet and daily life contributes greatly to one’s health; hence, investing is important. Select the right foods to incorporate in your meals to maximise the results of the food you prepare and cook.
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What You Need To Know About Cold Pressed Oil?
Discover the essentials of cold-pressed oils! Find where to buy cold-pressed oil online in West Bengal for premium quality and health benefits.
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Lemon Cold Pressed Essential Oil
Enjoy the energizing and refreshing scent of Lemon Essential Oil with our cold pressed extraction process. Our oil is 100% pure, natural, non-GMO and therapeutic grade. Add a few drops to your diffuser or dilute it in a carrier.
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Buy Organic Cold-Pressed Sesame Oil Online
Organic cold-pressed sesame oil has many benefits. You can easily purchase it from multiple available brands online. Today, many brands sell organic cold-pressed sesame oil, making the product very popular. It is recognised as a healthy product. Many people, including the younger and the older generations, use it today.
Organic cold-pressed sesame oil is an excellent addition to any kitchen. Not only is it delicious and versatile, but it also offers numerous health benefits.
When you buy or decide to buy organic cold-pressed sesame oil online, you must be sure about the brand. As there are many available brands today, you can easily be cheated with the price and quality. Consider checking the brand's authenticity by researching or reading the brand’s reviews from former customers. However, if you are looking for the best organic cold-pressed sesame oil online, you can buy from lookbetter.in, which has the best quality organic products.
If you're considering buying organic cold-pressed sesame oil online, here are some of the benefits you can expect:
Packed with nutrients
Organic cold-pressed sesame oil is a rich source of antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals essential for maintaining good health. It contains high levels of vitamin E, a powerful antioxidant that helps protect the body against damage from free radicals. It also contains minerals like magnesium, calcium, and zinc, essential for maintaining healthy bones and teeth.
Good for the heart
Organic cold-pressed sesame oil is good for the heart. It contains monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, which can help lower cholesterol levels and reduce the risk of heart disease. Additionally, it has anti-inflammatory properties that can help reduce inflammation in the body, which can also contribute to a healthy heart.
Good for the skin
Organic cold-pressed sesame oil is also good for the skin. It contains sesamin and sesamolin, which are potent antioxidants that can help protect the skin from damage caused by UV rays and pollution. Additionally, it can help keep the skin moisturised and soft, making it an excellent choice for dry or sensitive skin.
Easy to find online
Buying organic cold-pressed sesame oil online is easy and convenient. You can find various brands and prices on different e-commerce platforms. Additionally, many online retailers offer fast shipping, making it easy to quickly get your hands on the oil.
Good for the environment
Buying organic products is better because organic farming methods do not use synthetic pesticides and fertilisers, which can harm the environment.
In conclusion, organic cold-pressed sesame oil is an excellent choice for anyone looking to improve their health and add a delicious and versatile ingredient to their kitchen. With its numerous benefits, buying it online is a convenient and smart choice.
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Useful 🔞🔞🔞 (Jimin x Reader)
Summary: You’ve stretched yourself thin lately and you know it, and so does your boyfriend Jimin. As Jimin always takes good care of you, you decide to give him a treat to thank him—and as always, Jimin gives you back your love tenfold.
Tags: Dom!Jimin, Sub!Y/N, minimal plot, massages, kneeling, collars, Y/N calls Jimin sir, sub space, oral (m. and f. receiving), praise kink, breeding, cock drunk Y/N, multiple orgasms (f.), protective!jimin (🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵), aftercare!!!!!!
Warnings: Unprotected sex (don’t do that LOL)
W/C: 3055 (3k)
A/N: Guess who’s back on their bullshit? ME. Sorry I kind of disappeared again LOL being a functioning adult is the worst. Anyway, here's some massage-turned-unprotected-sex. <33
Sometimes, you get in moods like this. Moods where everything is irritating and stupid and simultaneously upsetting. You know yourself well enough to know it has to do with you stretching yourself too thin. Work? Of course you can do that task. Family? Absolutely you can attend that event. Friends? Yes, you’d love to go out tonight.
Jimin also knows you well enough to know when you’re getting like this. You know he’s noticed, from the way he puts in a bit more effort lately to keep you happy. He buys your favourite takeout dinner and bath bombs and even a new matching scarf and gloves set to keep you warm. That’s the way Jimin is—a natural giver with a considerate, purposeful mind. He never so much as says a word to you about your little gifts, but you know he notices when you give him a few more kisses than usual to silently show your affection.
But you’re getting to a point now where two things become obvious: you need a break before you burn out, and Jimin needs to be shown that you appreciate him before he starts to feel burned out himself.
The solution comes in the form of an at-home spa kit you buy online. It’s not much, a little warmer and a bottle of lavender scented oil, along with some candles and little hand towels. But knowing Jimin—and knowing you—you don’t stop there. Instead, you hop in the shower as soon as you come home. You wash up and dress in only panties and one of Jimin’s oversized sweaters, light candles and then warm up the oil.
As your shared bedroom is filled with romantic lighting and the sweet lavender smell, your mind wanders. You think of Jimin’s face when he sees you like this, how his eyes will darken and a smirk will spread on his lips. You think of taking care of him and thanking him for all he does for you with both words and your hands on his body. And naturally, you think of how Jimin will return the favour—with firm words and strong arms around you. A perfect balance of sweetness, teasing, and protectiveness: that’s Park Jimin.
Your eyes flicker to the collar you set on the nightstand, a black leather collar with plush inner lining and a custom silver J embroidered on the front. You press your thighs together, waiting.
“Baby?” Your heart leaps as you hear Jimin’s voice down the hallway. Your boyfriend emerges from the hall, curious eyes peeking into the dimly lit room. Then, he sees you, scantily dressed in front of the bed. Jimin smiles, but there’s that familiar edge. “Oh, what’s this?” He asks.
You lick your lips as Jimin draws closer, loosening his tie. “A surprise.” You whisper.
Jimin laughs, taking a seat on the bed. “I can see that.” He says, glancing at the massage oil. Your boyfriend brings you to stand between his spread legs with both hands on your wrists. You swallow as he looks up at you with darkness in his eyes. “What kind of surprise, exactly?”
“A massage.” You reply, pressing your thighs together again. Jimin notices, but he’s not strict with you today—he knows you’re too worked up to be teased today. Instead, the man leans in, pressing kisses against your belly over your sweater. You shiver—his lips are still cold from outside, even through the soft material.
“That will be fun.” Jimin says. “Thank you for doing this, baby.”
“No, thank you.” You say, and to anyone else, you would sound like strangers. But only you know the way Jimin’s simple words and touches make you want to obey him, show him how grateful you are, how well you can take care of him. Jimin knows it, too, which is why he lets go of your wrists and runs his hands—which are warm, likely from wearing mittens—up and down the backs of your thighs. “You’ve been so nice to me. I-I want to take care of you.”
Jimin hums, and it’s more beautiful than any melody you’ve ever heard. “Mmhm.” He says, and one hand brushes over your clothed core. You shiver. “Want to submit to me?” He asks, then begins kneading your ass. His touch is firm, reminding you of your place even as you tower over him.
“Please.” You gasp. “Please, sir.”
“Go get your collar.” Jimin answers, letting go of you. He leans back on his hands as you scurry to the nightstand and back. You kneel on the plush rug by Jimin’s feet, then present your collar to him with both hands. The dom accepts it from you, and you elongate your neck for his ease of access. Jimin plants his elbows on his knees, bending over you to fix the collar in place. “What’s your colour, baby?” The dom asks even though you both know how desperate you are already.
“Green, sir.”
“Good girl.” Jimin says, then stands up. You look up at him, face a few inches below his clothed cock. Jimin’s eyes darken. He knows what you want, and you both know he’s never denied it to you within limits. You wait patiently as the dom removes his pants, then his boxers and discards them on the floor. When Jimin sits down, you grab the warmed bottle of massage oil off the bed.
“May I begin, sir?”
“Yes.” Jimin answers, and even he sounds slightly breathless now.
You begin on his right leg, massaging his thigh dutifully. You work away at the knots caused by long hours, then down to his calf. “You have a talent for this.” Jimin praises you, carding a hand through your hair. Your face burns as you sit between his legs and serve him, but you feel so good, so useful. And Jimin is nothing if not vocal about it. “Such a quick learner. My good, smart girl.”
“Thank you.” You whisper as you finish massaging the right leg, then move to his left leg. You repeat your motions, slow and dutiful. As you work at one particular knot in the back of Jimin’s left calf, he sighs in relief. You smile and Jimin catches it.
“Feel good that you’re helping me?” He asks, and you look up at him. Jimin cups your face with one hand, looking down at you with love. It makes you want to cry in joy, but it also makes your vagina throb as you want to give yourself to him. But you tell yourself to be patient. You want to make Jimin feel good, and you know Jimin will return it tenfold to you in due time. “Massage my hips for me, baby. They’re a bit sore.”
You nod, putting a bit more oil on your hands. You place your hands on Jimin’s hips, running your thumbs along the groove of his V-line and pressing your fingers into his hips. You work at his hips until you end up down at his mons pubis and then lower, where a hard, heavy cock hangs between his legs. “C-Can I help you with that, too, sir?” You ask, and you surprise yourself with how whiny it comes out.
Jimin laughs at your politeness. “Of course, beautiful.”
You lick your lips, running your slicked hands over Jimin’s cock. You run your hands up and down the shaft, collecting pre-come to lubricate him further. You take the tip in your mouth, swirling your tongue around. Jimin groans above you, spilling praise from his lips. “Oh, that’s right. Just like that. So good, so perfect for me.”
His praise urges you to take him deeper until your nose presses against his mons pubis. You use your hands to cup his balls, massaging them gently. You work your way up and down the shaft, with Jimin’s ever-louder sighs and curses egging you on. You can feel the tightness in Jimin’s abdomen, the way he wants to come in your mouth. And you’d let him, oh how you’d let him.
But before he can come, Jimin pulls you off him. You look at him, confused. “Come here.” Jimin says, and you climb up into the bed. You eye his cock, but Jimin gives you a breathless chuckle. “You haven’t massaged my back yet, remember?” He reminds you. You blush, and Jimin beckons you closer with two fingers. You position yourself behind him, sitting with your thighs on either side of Jimin’s hips, and add more oil to your hands before massaging his shoulders.
Jimin sighs as you work away the tension, and his hands find your calves, stroking small circles into your skin. You’re halfway down Jimin’s back when he wraps his arms around your calves and pulls. You gasp as you end up with your clothed vagina against his bare ass. Jimin chuckles, and you know he can feel how wet you are. Flushing in embarrassment, you try to shuffle back, but your boyfriend holds you in place. “I think that’s enough for my back. Why don’t you come over to the front?” Jimin purrs, glancing at you over his shoulder. You gasp as he presses himself back against your soaked panties.
“Y-Yes sir.” You say, and Jimin releases your calves.
You crawl around Jimin, and the dom lays down. He folds his arms up behind his head, looking comfortable like he’s laying on a sunbed somewhere warm. “Get on my lap.” He says. “And take everything off.”
You remove the two articles you’re wearing in a heartbeat, then straddle your boyfriend’s hips. It’s a struggle to not push yourself down on the leaking cock tucked just behind your ass, since Jimin hasn’t given you permission to ride him yet.
You run your oiled hands up and down Jimin’s abdomen, over the hard ridges of his ribs and the plushness of his belly. Jimin looks at you for a moment, then grins. “You know, I’m not a big fan of this oil. Can we try something else for wetness?”
“L-Like?” You ask, but Jimin just holds his hands out to you. You flush, knowing what he wants.
You crawl closer, until you’re straddling Jimin’s face. “Oh, that’s much better.” He says, then breathes cool air onto your already throbbing clit. “Such a useful, useful girl I have.” Jimin says. Before you can thank him, he presses his tongue past the opening of your sopping wet hole. You whimper, almost collapsing but JImin holds you up with his strong grip. “So busy being useful you forgot you’re supposed to feel good, too, didn’t you?” He asks, looking up at you darkly. “But you’re always like that. Always thinking you have to do it all alone, even though I’m right here—” He says, then swirls his tongue around inside you. You cry out.
“Sorry! I’m sorry, sir!” You beg.
Jimin licks a stripe from your hole up to your clit. Then, he sucks at the bud until you’re shaking above him. “Are you? Are you going to let me put you in your place?”
“Yes, yes, sir!” You chant.
Jimin releases one hand from your hips, sliding it down the curve of your ass until it finds your hole. He presses two digits inside you, and you accommodate them easily. “Good girl.” He praises you, and you’re almost crying by now. You cry out his title. “Count.” He orders.
“T-Ten…N-Nine…” You count, trembling from the force of not coming from Jimin’s skillful lips against your most sensitive lips. “Eight…s-seven, oh—” You moan as Jimin nips at your inner fold, then releases it. Then, Jimin begins pumping his fingers in and out of you faster. “S-Six, five, four—” You continue as Jimin eggs you on.
“T-Three, oh, two, one—” You pant heavily.
“Now.” Jimin orders and tears fall from your eyes and you shake so hard from your orgasm that he has to hold you up. “Good girl. That’s my girl.” He praises you, turning you so you can lay down against the bed.
“Yours. Yours.” You repeat hazily as Jimin arranges himself above you. He plants his hands on either side of your waist, then kisses you long and deep.
“Colour?” He checks.
“Green, please, sir.” You say, guiding his hand up to your collar. “Yours, please, sir.” You all but babble. Jimin beams with pride.
“That’s right. All mine.” Jimin says, kissing at your hardened nipples, then down to your belly. With one hand, he begins rubbing at your clit again. He works you back up until you’re whiny and grinding against him for another orgasm. “Would my good girl like my cock?” Jimin asks, even though he knows the answer.
“Yes!” You answer immediately.
“Where?” Jimin teases. You reach down and spread your outer folds, not caring how messy you look right now. Jimin’s gaze darkens. “Right here? In your pretty hole?” He asks, sliding two fingers back into you. You whine as he wiggles the fingers inside you until the room is full of wet sounds.
“Yes, please. W-Want your cock, sir.” You beg, clenching around his fingers.
Jimin withdraws his fingers, then lines himself up to your entrance. You both moan as he bottoms out within seconds from how soaked and loose you are. “Where do you feel that, baby?” Jimin asks, more for his pride than any other reason.
You place a hand on your belly. “Right here.” You say. “All full.”
“Yeah?” Jimin says, gripping your thighs and pushing them further apart. He thrusts in and you have to fight not to come right then and there.
“Yeah.” You whimper. “W-Want your come right there.”
“I know.” Jimin coos at you. “You need your hole nice and full, don’t you? Need to fill up your pretty belly with my seed so you remember who you belong to. So you can quit. Trying. To do. Everything. By yourself.” Jimin says, punctuating his words with long and deep strokes that have your back arching off the bed.
“P-Please sir.” You whine. “Your seed. Please.”
“Gonna come again already?” Jimin asks, knowing your body well. When you reply yes and plead him for permission, Jimin leans down and kisses your forehead. “Hold on a bit more, you can do it.”
“Y-Yes. Yes. Anything you say!” You say, feeling cock drunk. It doesn’t take more than that, only a few more pumps until Jimin’s hips are stuttering from the way you clench him desperately—even as he’s moving.
“Rub your clit.” Jimin orders, and you reach down, rubbing hard and fast. Within seconds, Jimin is slamming into you one last time, filling you with his hot seed. You come hard around him a second time, but Jimin isn’t done there. He pulls you up, making you squeal. You whine as your positions reverse, with you on top and Jimin laying down. “You can come around me one more time, since you were such a good, good girl.” He praises, entangling a hand in your hair. His grip is firm but not painful.
“Thank you, sir.” You reply gratefully, running your fingers over your clit. There’s something exhilarating about being stuffed full of come and getting to put yourself on display with it. You make a show of pushing yourself to a third orgasm around Jimin, his seed making both of your thighs sticky and gooey.
“Show yourself to me again.” Jimin demands, and you spread your folds to him again. The dom growls. “Such a pretty cunt. Who owns that?”
“You, sir!”
“That’s right.” Jimin replies. “Gonna come again for me? My good girl, making a mess with my seed?”
“Yes, please!” You all but scream.
“What a pretty fucking girl. I want to give you my come again and again, until you can feel a baby growing where I put my seed. You would love that, wouldn’t you? Being shown off to everyone as the pretty, obedient girl I got to knock up and to take care of?”
“Yes, oh, please—” You’re crying again, almost insane with the thought of being protected and taken care of by Jimin. You’re so deep into your subspace by now all you can think of is how safe and good you feel right now. “Please, all yours—”
“Come.”
The single word sends you over the edge, and you tremble around him a third time. You lay down on top of Jimin with his cock still inside you. The dom wraps his arms around you, holding you close. “So sweet. My perfect baby.” He praises you, peppering kisses on your temple and forehead.
“Thank you. Thank you sir.” You repeat over and over, and Jimin holds you tight.
Once you’re ready, Jimin slides out of you. You roll onto the sheets, but Jimin doesn’t give you time to get lazy. “Come on, we need to shower.” He says, pulling you up into his arms bridal style. You squeal, tucking your chin over his shoulder.
Jimin helps you shower, particularly gentle with your hips and legs as he knows they’re sore now. He helps you dress in your pyjamas. Then, he lifts you onto the counter, insisting on doing your skincare routine for you. You giggle but let him help you, knowing he likes to spoil you like this. Once you’re done, you hold your arms out to be carried back to bed. Jimin laughs, kissing you again.
“Oh, you’re a real menace.” Jimin complains dramatically, setting you down in the armchair a few paces from the bed. You grin up at him, and Jimin strokes a hand down the side of your face lovingly. “I’ll be right back.” He says.
You watch him leave the room, then return with two granola bars and a bottle of water. “I know you ate, but just in case.” Jimin says, watching you open the snacks. While you eat and drink water, your boyfriend changes the bedsheets and blows out the candles. Once he’s done with that, you join him in bed. Jimin envelopes you in his arms, kissing your forehead softly.
“That wasn’t too much for you, was it?” He checks.
“No, not at all.” You say, feeling shy when Jimin looks at you with that intense look—like he’d do anything to make sure you’re comfortable and safe. “Thank you.” You add.
Jimin smiles. “You’re welcome, my love.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, my baby.”
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Buy Sesame Oil Online | Sesame Oil Buy | Where To Buy Sesame Oil
I am thrilled to tell you about the premium quality Sesame Oil by Delistathi Sunflower. This oil is sourced from only the finest sesame seeds, carefully cold-pressed to retain all of its natural flavors and nutrients. Known for its rich, nutty taste and incredible health benefits, this sesame oil is a must-have in any kitchen.
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Buy Organic Oil Online in India
Elevate your culinary and wellness experience by choosing organic oils, now available online in India. Sourced from natural, pesticide-free ingredients, these oils are perfect for cooking, skincare, and overall health. Whether you’re looking for cold-pressed coconut oil, olive oil, mustard oil, or almond oil, organic options ensure purity, freshness, and rich nutrients without harmful additives. By switching to organic oils, you make a healthier choice and support sustainable farming practices. Shop from trusted online platforms to enjoy high-quality organic oils delivered straight to your doorstep.
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Experience the natural goodness of cold pressed sesame oil for healthy cooking and glowing skin!Discover the purity of cold pressed sesame oil, rich in nutrients and perfect for enhancing your health and recipes.
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cold summer
My stress this summer is so bad, my neck is permanently stiff. Rigid, nervous, stone. A girl wakes in the middle of the night, she's alone in a deep world of empty houses, and in the dispossessed sleep of her childhood branches have started to grow from her arms, limp orange muddy leaves have overcome her hair, and she is rooting from toes down into floorboards. Nobody to ask a thing, like whether or not her experience of life is normal. So the branches grow, gather, then she is this isolated nature in her isolated bedroom, turned over to a cyclical light of day or night she sees only through gaps in her own weather, and so big with bushiness she can’t get out the manufactured door and enter the wood where, unbeknownst to her, are the others just like her, made of branches and leaves and who have solitary spirits also, though still need their roots to touch the roots of another. Or something. Sometimes, and I’m not proud of this, I look out at the green backyard and I see the peach-juice sun in the sky and I see the invisible breezes of July curling with tendrils of dark flora and it seems not like I'm here, but like I’m watching television, something bright and far away. I forget it’s my day, that I can even go over there and touch if I wanted to, I could even pee on the land like a dog would, if I wanted to, and claim this in some way.
Haven’t swam enough, haven’t walked enough, I’m becoming a little suburbanite cruising around in my dented car, seeing everything through eyes of windshield. The bushes, the houses, the pink sinking light—it’s all over there, and nothing is here but the music. This puts a strange layer of distance between me and summer, me and real things. I will make a point later to stick my toe in some mud – or press my bare hand into black pavement, will the asphalt to deflate like it’s a hot chocolate cake. Wouldn’t you like for the parking lots to liquify and sink below ground every summer, and for the black waves to rock our heat glistened cars around, up towards the marshmallow clouds; or for the greenery to not stop where it stops but extend until it’s like a shag of shining lime hair over the shopping mall, the movie theatre. If you don’t have a car, good for you, stay pure
Something else I’ve noticed — I’m such an impulse buyer. Buying feels close and friendly, like putting on some leather gloves. I would never want to see me at an auction. Stressed, my emotions lift to a crescendo where they then collapse from jitters into an almost hysterical net around my entire body—a pantsuit of stress, and it’s three colours: blue, red and purple, the baby. Feels warm, then cold. Here I either go to the grocery store to buy new condiments, shortbread, or jarred vegetables in brine or oil; or I’ll buy books online.
Today it was books. A small NYRB haul. I guess this is a fairly tame impulse, but I’d really rather be that one who stresses out and goes for a walk, or a swim, or a bike ride, or a scream into their pillow. Instead I just fill my cart, and it’s like filling a hole for a little while. Hate my methods. Look forward to the books. The Liar by Martin A. Hansen (“and for years now Johannes has lived alone”), My Friends by Emmanuel Bove, Machines in the Head by Anna Kavan and The Juniper Tree by Barbara Comyns. I’m drawn to stories with the desperate or resigned thud of loneliness in them; it’s what I relate to most; or maybe it’s not; it’s funny, even when people reach out for connection, I still want to believe it’s being alone I’m most capable of, even made for (I say that in a soldierly way, which makes it even more embarrassing). Björk was in a movie called The Juniper Tree, which was inspired by the Brothers Grimm fairy tale as was the novel by Comyns. Maybe I’ll read that too.
Today I’m in Montreal. I'm visiting my little brother. His balcony looks out onto other nondescript buildings, and he leaves the door wide open while he naps and I work on my laptop out here on the couch; trucks and cars roar a kind of grating metal noise down below, this noise feels prehistoric rather than modern, like out of sight the earth has split under lava and now we are getting not the sight but the noise, the noise. I decide to welcome it. The noise is not a fixed feature of my life anyway, but of his life, in this way it’s easy to welcome. Brief everything. Brief and body me. Bonobo plays on the television, then Seabear, and last night we watched some episodes of King of the Hill—the tornado episode had some beautiful red and green skies. My coffee this morning brought on nausea and I thought I could wave this dislocation off by eating a raisin croissant, but that made it worse, though at least it was good. Now I sit here with a foggy head taking forever to get my work done. EEEEEK
Later going to meet my brother’s girlfriend for the first time over some ramen! Then going to see the 10:15 show Oppenheimer with both of them, all three of us together.
In two weeks I leave for my trip! Ireland, Scotland, London, Iceland!
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