#But we wish we could have the community without the discomfort

[crittertalez]

As a system with a lot of nonhuman and alterhuman members (hence our system name) our alterhumanity often affects our daily life and make many of us want to nest, or make us be able to make nonhuman noises, or even have individual scents. And as embarrassing as it is to admit to more "normal" people, it can affect sex lives as well, including some members going into heats or ruts or whatever equivalent they have. Which would all sound like a perfect mix-match of things to get us into the misceverse! But there feels like there's just this significant barrier between us and that community

That being just how heavily it focuses on people's sexes and ascribing certain personalities or dynamics or behaviors or what have you to being a certain sex or having certain sex characteristics. Even when it comes to people making it more explicitly queer there's still an expectation to believe that, say, it is "typical" for a certain sex to be more submissive and calm while another is more aggressive and territorial. And, even more notably, it's seen as fun and interesting, quirky even, new, for this to be treated as a fact of life. The idea that one sex could instead do the actions typically associated with another is queer and known to be unusual (even if the person is describing it as a Good and Interesting thing, they're still enforcing the idea that certain actions typically belong to another sex)

Which.. Is just Sexism 2! "Women cook and clean and are more quiet, demure, submissive and Men protect the territory and what is theirs (which includes their wives, being treated as possessions), they're sex-driven and aggressive" 2. "Women nurture and Men protect" 2. We want to go into animal care, we spend much of our time researching animal dynamics and behaviors for fun. But even if nonhumans & alterhumans often do not see themselves as human, we are still all people, and the idea that ascribing certain personalities/behaviors/traits/etc to certain sexes is okay and fun as long as they aren't human sexes is.. Blegh.

I don't quite like being kicked in the head even when the kicker has a paw instead of a human foot. Something being seen as "natural" or a part of being a nonhuman animal does not automatically make it good

We've had this issue with omegaverse as a concept in general as well, especially when it comes to the versions that focus solely on men. Obviously the point is to explore secondary sexes and not the primary ones, but if you were to replace "omega" with female (and yes, that word specifically, so you understand what I mean) and "alpha" with male suddenly the problem becomes a lot more clear with ascribing submissiveness and nurturing behavior to one sex and aggressiveness, domination, and protectiveness to another

Adding a third sex or even sexes that have a mixture of traits assigned to them doesn't necessarily get rid of this discomfort, as there's still the fact of the matter that sexes are getting assigned typical personality traits. Not to mention that within the community there's an expectation to say what your sex is, and to see the idea of others being able to instantly tell what sex you are as hot and fun. Even with queer labels existing to make the idea more expansive and inclusive there's just something that feels.. Off. About how inherent to the community the idea of certain sexes coming with certain personality traits and behaviors is. I'm not much of a fan of bioessentialism even when it has a coat of nonhuman paint over it

(Also, the wolf studies that alpha/omega/beta as concepts were derived from are extremely inaccurate studies that don't have basis in real life and we honestly wish that the idea of alpha males would die out already so people stop thinking it's a real thing. It hasn't been pleasant to run into in any iteration, whether in zoology, incel culture, or alterhuman communities)

[taeyongdoyoung]

wolf and bunny

summary: you ask your best friend to fuck you in your sleep but your bottled up feelings come out to the surface... pairing: chan x reader genre: smut, best friends to lovers warnings: cnc/somnophilia, discussion of boundaries, eating out, touching, groping, unprotected sex, spanking, stranger+wolf/bunny roleplay, little red riding hood references, face-slapping (once), size kink, cockwarming, multiple rounds, feelings (ew), pet names, discussion of future scenario 👀 (i know i said this is the end but...we'll see) author's note: hii everyone, this is the third and final part of my wolf and bunny series, thank you so much for going on this nasty journey with me 🤍 part one & part two word count: 2k

You and Chan are having a bit of a disagreement in connection with the circumstances surrounding your next game.

“But I want to know exactly which night you’ll do it.”

“If you know, you won’t be able to fall asleep,” Chan reasons with you. “Kinda like Santa Claus. Kids stay up all night waiting for him and then he never comes.”

“Please, even if the kids were asleep, he’d still never come ‘cause the parents are putting the presents under the tree!”

“It was just a metaphor.”

“A bad one. You’re gonna have to work harder to convince me.”

“Hey, wasn’t this your idea in the first place?” Chan reminds you teasingly. “You’re the one who wants me to fuck her in her sleep.”

“Ey, don’t pretend you won’t be into it,” you shake your head.

You are both so stubborn you don’t see this ending unless one of you retreats. Then, after a brief consideration, you speak again.

“Fine. You can keep the secret of the exact night you’ll do this. On one condition.”

“Sure, bunny, let’s hear it,” Chan listens eagerly.

“If I wake up, you won’t stop. I’ll just pretend I’m still sleepy and we keep going.”

“Is that even possible? I mean, for you to not wake up?”

“It is if you drug me or something,” you shrug.

“Ugh, don’t give me such evil ideas. You never know when I might take advantage of you.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it, wolfie.”

“But are you sure the sleep thing is a great idea? I mean, you wouldn't be able to say a safeword...” Chan can't help but worry, always putting your needs first and planning every scenario in great detail to make sure you're alright. Damnit, could he get any more perfect? He's so sweet and considerate you wish you could just tell him how you feel. But what if that scares him away? What if you lose not only your wicked game buddy but your best friend in the entire world? You wouldn't be able to live with yourself.

“Yes, I'm positive, Chris,” you place your hand on top of his. “I trust you 100% and know that you'll look after me. The question is, do you trust my judgement?”

“I mean, I do trust you. It's just that last time you didn't communicate your discomfort clearly and I wouldn't want to risk messing up to the point of accidentally hurting you,” Chan verbalizes his anxieties.

“I get what you're saying but it's not like I'm open to doing this with a stranger. It's you we're talking about. You've always been great at taking care of people so I know you wouldn't go too far. But at the same time, I wouldn't mind if you went loose. If anyone can take it and accept you fully, it would be me.”

“Yeah, I know. You're right. But just in case, I want you to know beforehand that I care about you and respect you like a lot. So, even if I get carried away, I still want you to feel safe.”

“Aww, Chris, ya old softie! I always feel safe with you, it goes without saying!” you insist.

“Well, I like hearing you say it.”

You gulp nervously. His voice is so commanding and yet so reassuring that your words have never rung truer. He's more to you than a safety net and you hope he knows it. He's incredibly thoughtful and infinitely kinder than the first impression. He's a riddle in the way he keeps surprising you and yet you wanna keep learning more about him. He's hundreds of the loveliest words in the dictionary multiplied. He's more comforting than your favourite blanket. He's warmth personified and you would be an idiot to let him go.

“I'll try to say it more often, then,” you promise. “When I'm with you, I know no harm will come my way. But here's the thing...you're the only one I'd willingly let hurt me.”

“I don't want to hurt you, though.”

“You don't?” you pout, suddenly feeling guilty. Then, what have you been doing? Was he forcing himself to act out these fantasies for your sake alone? You genuinely thought he was enjoying them as much as you were.

“Sorry, that came out wrong,” Chan is quick to explain. “I like our games. I meant that I don't want to hurt you emotionally. Ever.”

“Ah, yeah, that makes sense,” you chuckle, feeling a little stupid. “Well, you don't need to worry about that. Glad we had this talk.”

“Me too,” Chan gazes at you fondly.

“So, which night are you fucking me while I'm asleep?” you attempt to find out while he has this dazed look in his eye.

“Next- Hey, nice try! I'm not telling you, you impatient devil.”

“Aw, man, I was so close,” you bemoan the uncertainty of your future.

“You wish.”

The long-awaited night finally arrives. Chan has a key to your place so entering it is too easy. He makes sure he picks a night when you’ve complained about being exhausted and sleepy all day long. And he is certain that you’re passed out in your room, not suspecting a thing. Well, a part of you is always anticipating what could happen, but still.

He’s beyond glad to find you sound asleep. You’re wearing nothing but a t-shirt and some flimsy panties. Chan admires your sleeping form for a couple of brief moments before he gets down to business.

He wonders where to start. Should he tear them up? Or maybe push them to the side? Should he grope your boobs through your shirt? Or perhaps slide his hands beneath it, stroking your nipples directly? So many opportunities. He wants to do everything, he decides.

Chan starts by moving your panties to the side and licking your tiny pussy. He touches you with his fingers, gently prodding your entrance but not exactly sticking them inside yet. Then, he sneaks his hand underneath your shirt, teasing your nipples. Fuck, you’re so soft.

He marvels at the knowledge that you’d trust him with something like that. Though the previous scenarios were hot and intense as fuck, this one hits different for him. Maybe because last time you were awake, you were still in control because you could say the safeword whenever. Maybe because you want him at your most vulnerable even in your sleep. Or maybe because he’s slowly falling for you, but he doesn’t know how to say it.

It’s okay. Chan’ll show you, instead. He pinches your nipples lightly and continues to make out with your pussy. You are so wet already it’s adorable. He wonders if you’re dreaming of him, as you shift slightly in your sleep. He wants to drag this out. But how?

He uses his nails to trace circles on your skin, which causes goosebumps to appear. Are you cold? He wants to keep you warm and full at all times. Chan can’t take it any longer and takes his cock out, sliding in so perfectly. As if you were made for him. Made to take his cock and let him do crazy things to you. His sweet little bunny…

You moan desperately and the spell is broken. You’re awake. He wanders if you’ll speak or he’ll have to make you. Both options sound quite appealing. But he wants to hear your voice more than anything.

“Shhh, go back to sleep, sweetheart,” Chan whispers gently.

“W-who are you?” you cry out.

Aw, you’re gonna pretend not to know him? That hurts. But it can be fun, he thinks.

“Just the big bad wolf,” he chuckles at the irony of it.

“Please, don't do this,” you fake not wanting it, even though you've never wanted anything so badly in your life.

“Oh, bunny, but I already am,” Chan replies, spanking your ass a couple of times in the meantime.

“G-gonna split me in h-half,” you mumble, voice muffled against your pillow.

“Yeah? G'na ruin my sweet girl?” he speaks to you so softly you want to melt right there and then.

“Feel so full 'n so s'eepy,” you slur helplessly.

“Aw, tiny, go back to sleep, then,” Chan pats your head soothingly.

“Can't. What a deep voice you have!” you play along too well.

“All the better to degrade you with, my slutty bun,” Chan laughs, while still continuing to fuck you.

“What big hands you have!” you keep saying.

“All the better to grab your tits with,” Chan chuckles and makes good on his promise by playing with your boobs.

“And slap me with!” you remind him playfully.

“As you wish, princess,” Chan growls and slaps you across the face harshly but not harsh enough to actually leave a mark.

“What big eyes you have,” you sigh wistfully.

“All the better to stare at you fall apart,” Chan responds cleverly.

“And what big cock you have!” you scream, barely resisting the urge to laugh. Are you a silly little bunny or Little Red Riding Hood? At this point, you don't care, but it feels too good regardless.

“All the better to fuck you with,” he grunts loudly, spilling inside of you.

You follow rightaway and urge him to stay like this for a while. Maybe round two is in order?

“You know what else is big?” Chan teases you.

“Oh, shut up, Bigfoot!” you reply and are no longer able to hold it in, breaking into laughter. Chan also finds the interaction hilarious and buries his head in the nook of your shoulder. You stroke his hair without realizing. Shit, he's so adorable you almost say the three words. Is it too risky? Too soon? You need a distraction. You need... “Fuck me again.”

“Already? Aren't you tired?” Chan wants to make sure.

“Fuck me till I fall asleep again,” you ask him.

“Um, okay, sure,” Chan looks a bit confused but does as you ask.

This time there is less talking and more fucking but no matter how many rounds you go, sleep doesn't come again. You both orgasm more times than you could count, but somehow, it isn't nearly enough to distract you from the inevitable. You love him. Your heart knows it, your pussy knows it, even your brain knows it but is stubborny telling you not to confess for fear of somehow ruining things.

Once Chan decides he's completely spent for the night, he pulls out of you and rips off the bandaid.

“Are you alright? Something suddenly shifted but I can't quite place it,” he tucks a piece of hair behind your ear and nudges you softly with his shoulder.

“Do you want the truth that might mess up everything or do you want me to lie to you and say I'm fine?” you ask, even though you're already on the verge to tell the truth.

“With you? Always the truth, please,” Chan clearly states his preference.

You sigh deeply and tilt to the side so you're facing him properly.

“I think...no, I know I love you.”

“I love you, too, babybun,” Chan responds fondly and kisses you on the nose.

“In a non-friendly way. And I don't mean just sexually, either. I mean, the friendly way and the sexual way haven't diminished, of course. But I also love you in a...I want to be yours, your girlfriend, your lover, your romantic partner, your everything.”

Chan is taken aback by your words. You...feel the same?

“You already are,” he confesses genuinely.

“Huh?” you blink in shock.

“I mean...you are already my everything. But, if you'd like me to officially ask you, then...will you be my girlfriend, angel?”

“You...you'll have me?” you are still in disbelief.

“I thought I already had ya,” Chan pinches your cheeks lightly.

“Damn right you do, Mr. Wolf,” you giggle and pull him into a kiss.

He smells like autumn, his embrace exudes warmth and his lips taste like home.

“You have no idea how badly I've wanted to tell you about my feelings,” Chan confesses. “When I found that story of yours in your drafts, I just couldn't resist the opportunity. I hoped that if I turned your fantasies into reality that you'd eventually fall for me.”

“Oh, Channie...I've been falling for you for longer than you realize,” you admit shyly. “How could I not? You're everything I've ever wanted.”

So, this is what it feels like to have the world in your hands. Huh. You could get used to it.

Bonus:

“No, I'm not kidnapping you!” Chan is adamant as you two sit in a nice restaurant.

“But Chriiiis,” you whine. “You said you'd do anything for my birthday.”

“Anything but that!” Chan shakes his head in amusement.

“Why not? It can be fun!”

“Fun? What if something goes wrong, what if someone sees us and thinks I'm actually kidnapping you, what if...hear me out, here, I go to prison for it?”

“Well, duh, then I'd bail you out!”

“As if you could afford it,” Chan rolls his eyes.

“Hey! But seriously, I'll just tell the cops that I asked you to kidnap me.”

“What if they don't believe you and think you have a Stockholm syndrome?”

“I'll...think of something. Come on, we're going too far with the what-ifs.”

“You gotta be prepared for any situation. You'd know that if you carried the heavy burden of being a dom,” Chan tsks at you.

“I'd know that if you let me,” you give him a wink.

“That will only happen the day I agree to fake-kidnap you.”

“So, tomorrow? It's a date!” you grin excitedly.

“Keep dreaming, darling.”

“Oh, I will.”

The End

[creatingblackcharacters]

Some General Notes, Week 1

(in no particular order, no you don't have to agree, no they're not "the right answer", no I'm not going to argue. They're just my thoughts!)

-What I definitely enjoyed seeing was (the discomfort and frustration of, rightfully so!) people realizing just how much writing and character design go hand in hand, when told they could not consider the writing! Context is a beast, isn't it? People unfortunately judge with their eyes a lot faster than they bother to read and comprehend (‼️‼️‼️) and so sometimes we have to think about what we've drawn, and what we're trying to or could possibly SAY with that design. It doesn't have to be super detailed, but little things can go a long way.

-White folk tended to overcorrect, with more negative opinions about certain designs than Black and NB fans of color. I don't think it came from a bad place, as much as a place of concern with some lack of understanding.

-Black viewers are overall quite gracious about Black character design if it looks like you cared enough to try (contrary to popular Tumblr and Societal Belief, we don't bite!) But it did sometimes feel that it was to the point of being too nice. There are a lot of Black people who will accept the bare minimum just to feel included, and I hope to one day see less of that. We deserve the effort!

-Measured in three separate groups, we actually tend to be on the same page about design! We won't see the end result of the polls til next week (sorry ahead of time about the poll notification onslaught) so I could be wrong, but usually after the first thirty minutes, our bars tended to trend similarly from what I saw. This is likely due to the bias of my userbase; I'm sure if this poll reached The Unfortunate Masses of Fan Racists, it would be different. We shall see!

-There is usually a beginning wave of NB fans of color that actually find designs better than Black people will, which I found interesting, but then it evens out over time.

-Professional artists seem to be real big fans of the fade. The fade and the killmonger. The fade is funny because fades have been around for decades, and no one ever cared this much, but suddenly there are fades every other character. I wish there were more teeny weeny afros and short locs and just loose curls. Twists too!

-A lot of people were surprised about some characters who were supposed to be Black (and actually were). Which is telling, both on your side as the viewer and their side as the artists! Because that means something was not conveyed, communicated, or understood when you consumed that media!

-Black folk, I love y'all, I'm saying this kindly and I want you to hear me: I think there were times where your emotional attachment to the design affected your answers, even when told to only base it off visuals (e.g., yes, I know that particular character wears wigs! I know that's in the writing! I hear y'all! But unfortunately, when told to look at that character with the pictures provided, without the writing, given the genre, no, that is not an apparent piece of information. I am sorry.)

-I think NB fans of color especially understood this concept, which is just because a character isn't Black doesn't mean they aren't still a person of color. I say that to mean, some of these people felt ambiguously brown to a point that yes, they could be anyone else! 80% of the blue haired characters submitted (and the majority of the gacha ones) fell into this category, imo. Like, we should not all have to share the One Brown for Representation.

-I definitely didn't think that people would assume that the answers were "is this design Black, nonblack, or white"... I must admit that it doesn't make much sense to me 😅 it explained some of the answers I saw, though. Felt like some folks had to be trolling. Unfortunate, not something I can control once posted. Moving on.

-I do wish more people understood that this was meant to be a thought exercise moreso than "this is the right answer" (though sometimes, there was a right answer lmao. Beau is trash IDC.) It's not to gauge "do you know" as much as "based off of what you know, what would you say". It's for you (and me) to gauge where you are! It's okay to realize that you don't know what you don't know!

[twig-tea]

Gelboys finale thoughts

Gelboys gave me so many emotions. It was such a raw, painful, and empathetic depiction of youth--all of these kids are constantly hurting each other mostly through being self-absorbed and unaware they're doing it rather than intentional cruelty, though there are a few moments of that too. I appreciated how the show allowed all of these characters to make mistakes and be kind of terrible to each other, and for them to have their own moments of growth. I loved so many things this show did, including exploring the confusion around friendship vs attraction, what it means to lead people on with no intention of following through, sexual exploration with emotional attachment but not necessarily an emotional commitment, letting characters have more than one love interest over time, letting guys reach for each other's dicks....and in addition to those bigger things, there are a million tiny details I loved in every scene. While I wrote to ask for help clarifying one particular plot point because it was confusing last week, overall I have loved that this show required the viewer to pay attention to details and to put things together for themselves; trust in the audience is rare these days and it is always refreshing.

That being said, there are two stumbles that I'm sitting with at the end of the show that are preventing me from cheering without reservation.

One was the choice to put the evidence of Chian's main character growth into a side story. It was critical to ep7 that we understood Chian had actually reflected on his treatment of Fou4Mod, and we only know for sure that he had because of the Charging Gel ep6 side story (I've linked to a comment on that video that includes a translation because the full context is important). It is only cute that Chian put that hat on Fou4Mod's nail because he understood that at the time it was a dick move.

The second thing was rushing Baa's emotional turn in ep7. I think we got to see Baabin start to fall for Bua, and we did see his discomfort around having those feelings while still defining himself as the man in love with Fou4Mod, but I didn't buy Baa falling out of love with Fou4Mod. He held onto those feelings for 2 years while Fou4Mod and Chian were 'talking, then for however many months while Fou4Mod and Faifa had their thing and Fou4Mod and Baa weren't even friendly....I just don't know when Baa started to realize his feelings for Fou4Mod were not actually romantic anymore, and considering how intensely he was pushing that, I needed to know when he was faking it vs when it was real for him, and I just didn't. So when he revealed that he had been pretending not to have feelings for Bua because he didn't want to piss off Fou4Mod, it felt like it came out of nowhere. And after he had been so, so cruel to Bua in the same day that he decided to confess, I needed a better confession and apology to believe in their relationship.

The part that I appreciated most about this finale was Fou4Mod and Chian learning to communicate with empathy for each other. Fou4Mod admitted that he got paranoid about not hearing from Chian because of their history, and owned that that was an overreaction, and later Chian acknowledged that they weren't going to be able to be perfect but they could be more honest with each other and be considerate of each other's feelings around their behaviour (that's what I'm reading into the "I won't always be able to text back but I'll tell you if that's the case" scene). I wish this had been left slightly more open, but I am open to these two learning to be in a relationship together.

On the Baabin and Bua side, I really loved Bua's realization that he had been terrible to Chian, after experiencing it on the other side. I don't know that we got the same level of realization from Baabin that we did from the other three. He has learned to ask for things for himself even when he's afraid it will upset his friend, but I was hoping we'd get more of a realization about how he'd become the type of person he was yelling at a few episodes ago (Chian yelling at Baa for the same thing that Baa once yelled at Bua for was a delicious parallel). I think there's a step missing for me in Baa's storyline overall in which he realizes he does not like who he's become in his quest for Fou4Mod and as a result is able to let go of that crush. Similarly, while Bua's admission that he cares more about Baa's one like than a million likes from strangers was sweet, I think I needed to sit with them as not a pseudo-influencer couple in order to believe in their romance. As it stands, I don't really believe Bua will be able to put his relationship with Baa over his need for social media validation, and i don't really believe that Baa understands how hurtful he was to Bua or has learned enough about being aware of his own behaviour to prevent it from happening again. Which is all ok, I just wish the show were more aware that that's where it left us with this couple.

Overall, this show captured the raw emotional rollercoaster that is being a teenager so well; even though I could not relate to a lot of the specifics of how these teens got up to shenanigans, I could relate to the core emotions almost always. I felt the cringe and the butterflies and the shame viscerally week to week, and I think that's what I'm going to remember this show for the most.

[tesseractj]

This is Spice, currently my oldest foster rat. She's 2 years and 7 months old. The rescue has her under a different name, but her surrenderer and previous family called her Spice, and it's a perfect name.

Spice is a sweet grouch rat. She's always been decent with accepting affection and attention. She prefers smaller doses of the affection and would rather do training and play over scritches and cuddles. She's absolutely beautiful and I'll add some more pictures below the cut that show her off.

When she came to me last year, her sister was with her. I adored both ladies. Spice initially appeared to socialize with the mischief, but after a few days she became incredibly violent and has to be separated. At first this wasn't a huge problem since she still has her sister, Sugar.

Sugar had small scars from some overzealous fights, but nothing too bad. The two loved each other. I kept trying introductions with the rest of the group, with limited success and no long term success.

One sad night, Sugar became extremely ill, likely her heart was giving out, and passed away after a few hours. Sugar was just shy of 2 years, much too young.

This is Spice, on her 2nd birthday, getting special peanut butter treats spread on my fingers to slow the eating and prevent any choking. Rats love peanut butter, but it can be dangerous if given carelessly.

Spice was left alone when she lost Sugar. I spent weeks showering her in extra attention and increased my attempts to get her used to any other rat. I already had one she was close to accepting, and a second she seemed like she might be okay with. I was able to help her have large periods of time where she had friends.

One day Spice and the other rats found a way to hint that she should visit the main cage. I can't remember how they communicated that, but I know they did. She didn't try to hurt anyone, no blood, and that was it, she moved into the main mischief.

Unfortunately, not too long later I noticed lumps. She developed at least 4, maybe more, tumors from her groin area up to her chest. Spice doesn't seem to be in much discomfort, but we have her on pain meds and I watch her carefully for signs of blockages and other issues. Given her age she is not a candidate for surgery. Thankfully these are slow growing tumors and she's had them for many months without any significant life changes.

Spice and her sister were given sanctuary status when they were surrendered back to the rescue. The sweet girls had been born in the care of the rescue, then adopted for over a year and a half. They were surrendered because their adopter did not feel she could give them the attention they deserved.

I wish I had gotten more time with Sugar, but I continue to love and spoil Spice.

[vamptarot]

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˙⋆✮ If I see that I am unfit to do a reading I won't do it, and I will communicate this to you as well. This can include but isn't limited to things I could find ethically or morally inappropriate, discomfort due to harassment or being inappropriate in terms of manners and overall making the process harder.

˙⋆✮ If you do anything that makes me uncomfortable, can be deemed as disrespectful, morally or ethically inappropriate or endangering anybody - including your own self - you will be blacklisted. This means you will not be able to buy from me anymore.

˙⋆✮ By purchasing from me, you acknowledge that tarot is both a form of entertainment and a luxury service. It is not a substitute for medical, legal, financial, or psychiatric advice or treatment. The service provided is purely for entertainment purposes, and by proceeding, you take full responsibility for your actions, thoughts, and emotions. You confirm that you have carefully read and understood the information presented to you. Your purchase signifies that you have made a thoughtful decision and agree to these terms and conditions automatically.

જ⁀➴ One, Two…

ಇ. here, you will see options which I deem to be convenient.

꩜ pay what you can .ᐟ

🎲 the title is the concept! you pay what you can, and tell me about the reading you wish to have. the lowest paid ever for this was 0.50£, and the highest was 12.34£. whatever your budget is, please feel comfortable to share. I won’t discriminate against you. ꒰ up to you£ ꒱

꩜ buy now, pay later .ᐟ

🎲 this is for people who want a reading, but won’t get paid until xyz amount of time. with this concept, I do the reading first and I will only send it after you have paid, but it will be ready by the time you are. ꒰ £ flexible ꒱

꩜ priority reading .ᐟ

🎲 rather than this being a reading itself, it’s like a fee incase you need your reading urgently. if you choose this option, you will get your reading the next day. if the reading is under 10£ the fee is 3£, if the reading is around 10-15 the fee is 5£ and so on. same day delivery is more expensive. please know that this is due to my readings being lengthy because of the way I channel, so it takes up a lot of energy. ꒰ £ flexible! ꒱

꩜ micro .ᐟ

🎲 quick reading on something that has been sitting on your mind. the price depends on your question, but will never exceed 5£. this will be sent through dms and not email due to it being a quick reading. ꒰ 1-5£ ꒱

꩜ gifting .ᐟ

🎲 you can pay me to make a reading for someone else and send it to their email! sort of like a surprise. the price of this fee depends on the price of the reading you chose. ꒰ £ flexible ꒱

જ⁀➴ S-WAY…

ಇ. here, you will find subscription based options.

꩜ one-two .ᐟ

🎲 this subscription will give you the ability to request a smaller reading every month, which is about 12 pages long and schedule it for a specific day of your choice each month. you can cancel anytime. ꒰ monthly = 15,55£ | yearly = 180£ ꒱

꩜ three-four-five .ᐟ

🎲 same concept as ‘one-two’ but you get to choose a bigger reading each month; which are around 20-40 pages long usually. a mid sized one alongside a smaller one is also an option for this. ꒰ monthly = 50£ | yearly = 500£ ꒱

꩜ love alarm .ᐟ

🎲 this subscription revolves around your love life. you can ask questions about it anytime you want. whatever question you want. whether it’s about your situationship, future spouse or your crush. if your love life is not that active or chill, therefore you’d ask less questions, we can lower the price of this. ꒰ monthly = 40£ | yearly = 460£ ꒱

꩜ Nasa .ᐟ

🎲 this is the same concept as love alarm, but with your career. whether if it’s you planning, living through it or trying to find your journey. if you have less questions than average, we can lower the price to fit your needs. ꒰ monthly = 40£ | yearly = 460£ ꒱

꩜ code-blue .ᐟ

🎲 this is the subscription where you can ask questions randomly and request whether you want them to be sent through dms or email. you can ask up to 5 questions a day, this means you get to ask 150-155 questions a month, and 1800 - 1860 questions a year. ꒰ monthly = 135£ | yearly = 1500£ ꒱

꩜ you won’t buy this one .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is a subscription to any and all of my readings. you can request them 24/7, if you want 24 hour delivery it’s already covered by your payment. you can ask for as many as you want as well. absolutely no limit. I don’t actually expect you or anybody else to buy this one. this reading is so expensive exactly because I am aware some people would take advantage of it if it was cheap which would result in a burnout. this reading is only here because I wanted exactly 111 readings listed. It will be removed on the next update of this post. however, if you actually wish to buy this we can discuss a price that is fair to both you and me. ꒰ monthly = 2000£ | yearly = 12500£ ꒱

જ⁀➴ Cupid Garden…

ಇ. here, you will find readings based on romantic love.

꩜ Prince Charming .ᐟ

🎲 have you ever wondered who your person is? the one you will spend the rest of your life with. the person they are, not what they can provide for you. this will dive into their current personality, possible core memories / experiences that affect them, their likes and dislikes, their idea of love, their relationship with their possible family, their friend circle, their red, green and beige flags, their energy when meeting you, their aspirations and goals in life, their appearance, possibly zodiacs and so on. as many details as possible, you can also ask a few things you are curious of. ꒰ 120£ ꒱

꩜ Earth Angel .ᐟ

🎲 this is going to be a reading about you and your chosen one, the one that will stay with you for the rest of your life. it will include your love story. how you met, how did things evolve, their feelings towards you, your feelings towards them, first date, first kiss, first time, wedding day, how it's like to live together, the nature of your relationships. and so on, until your olden ages. ꒰ 120£ ꒱

꩜ Roli-Poli .ᐟ

🎲 this if for the people who usually have more than one crush. it's basically a reading on who is most compatible with you, and why you feel so connected to each of them. this can be with celebrity crushes, real life crushes or fictional ones. I do not mind, I do not judge. this isn't an encouragement to play with people's feelings/life or to prioritise your love life over your mental health. this is simply for the curious people, if it's not for you do not buy it. this reading is designed for five crushes for every more you add I will charge you 2£. ꒰ 33,33£ ꒱

꩜ Romeo & Juliet .ᐟ

🎲 sometimes people say that we are not meant to be with certain people, or a certain someone. this reading will focus on whether or not that's true in your case. would being in a romantic relationship with this person really as bad as they say it is, or do they just not get it like you do?~ that's the question this reading is trying to answer. ꒰ 20£ ꒱

꩜ Hades and Persephone .ᐟ

🎲 in this I will channel about three to five romantic, or at the very least important, moments between you and your future spouse/chosen one. however, I will describe them how an author would. ꒰ 35,55£ ꒱

꩜ Titanic .ᐟ

🎲 would it have worked out if things were different? this reading is designed for people who have lost a romantic interest to death. if you decide to purchase this reading, I will need a little insight on your situation as long as you are comfortable with it. ꒰ 12£ ꒱

꩜ Yagami .ᐟ

🎲 when people fall in love they tend to have rose tinted glasses. this reading will be diving into how you view your person vs how they actually are. ꒰ 15£ ꒱

꩜ Multiverse .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is designed for reality shifters and their romantic relationship within their dr. if you purchase this, you will need to tell me a little bit about your dr and we will discuss the sections most suitable for you together! ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

꩜ Put Your Head On My Shoulder .ᐟ

🎲 all your romantic partners from each and every of your past lives. in this I will cover your crushes, casual flings, short lived relationships, long lived relationships, marriages, forbidden loves, unsuccessful loves.. and whether or not they have reincarnated with you into this life time. ꒰ 55,55£ ꒱

꩜ It couple .ᐟ

🎲 in this I will just be describing why you and your crush/love work out perfectly together. if you don't have anyone in mind, I will describe the sort of person that is perfect for you and the one you should seek out. ꒰ 35,55£ ꒱

꩜ Won’t Say I Am In Love .ᐟ

🎲 just a fun little reading on how the relationship between you and your celebrity crush would be like! dead or alive, modern times or not I do not care! this is supposed to be your fun. fuck anybody who judges you, tbh. - not literally. - ꒰ 70£ ꒱

꩜ First & Last .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is all about what would it be like to be in a relationship with the person of your choice, as detailed as possible. the good, the bad.. hidden things you possibly do not know of yet. every little thing, even down to their literal dreams if that is what you wish for. ꒰ 80£ ꒱

꩜ Lana .ᐟ

🎲 how you think they feel towards you, vs how they actually feel. ꒰ 15£ ꒱

꩜ My love is all mine .ᐟ

🎲 all of your past lives with one specific romantic interest of yours. ꒰ 44,44£ ꒱

꩜ Truman .ᐟ

🎲 how they act around you vs how they are when you aren’t around. similar to ‘Lana’, but this is in regards to whether or not they are being their honest selves around you. ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

꩜ Forever-ever .ᐟ

🎲 your future spouse’s attitude on love before they met you vs after they met you and how you will be changing them as a person. ꒰ 35,55£ ꒱

꩜ In-law .ᐟ

🎲 this reading revolves around how your in-laws will treat you and what they will think of you, and what your family will think about your future spouse. ꒰ 50£ ꒱

꩜ Love-ON .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about you and your fictional other! basically, what it would be like to be in a relationship with them. I will also be focusing on any questions you might have. ꒰ 22,22£ ꒱

꩜ Always you .ᐟ

🎲 a reading describing the love between you and your person, including; songs that remind me of you two, cinematic pieces and aesthetics. ꒰ 33,33£ ꒱

꩜ My Dearest .ᐟ

🎲 have you ever felt like meeting someone is fate? that your love for them had to be destiny? this reading dives into the nature of the fate that has brought the two of you together! basically a dive into your divine connection together. ꒰ 22,22£ ꒱

જ⁀➴ Dionysus…

ಇ. here, you will find readings related to sexual things.

꩜ F U .ᐟ

🎲 a reading about why your intrusive thoughts are not your desires. dealing with them can be scary on it's own, let alone at times when you are filled with doubt and fear. I am here to remind you they are intrusive thoughts for a reason. ꒰ 8,88£ ꒱

꩜ Mary Shelly .ᐟ

🎲 have you ever wondered how would your future spouse or love would react to that one "weird" kink you have? this reading is about that. you are free to be completely honest and open with me about this, I won't judge. ꒰ 14,44£ ꒱

꩜ CottonCandy .ᐟ

🎲 your chosen one's differences when making love vs when having raw, rough sex. for this you will have to tell me who you would like this reading to be with. ꒰ 22,22£ ꒱

꩜ Swim .ᐟ

🎲 sexual compatibility with your chosen one! you might already know your romantic compatibility with them, so this will fully focus on how you two work together in bed. ꒰ 22,22£ ꒱

꩜ Love Bites .ᐟ

🎲 in this I will be telling you about five of your most enjoyed sexual experiences with your future spouse/chosen one! of course, these will describe events you have not yet experienced. ꒰ 20£ ꒱

꩜ S&M .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about what qualities of yours excite your future spouse/chosen one in bed. what makes you sexy, and what turns them on to the point they show a side of them you have not yet seen before. ꒰ 30£ ꒱

꩜ Sweeter Than Sweets .ᐟ

🎲 a long list about all the things on your body that your person loves. detailed, so if you get uncomfortable easily ! advise you to not buy this reading because I am not going to miss a single thing they will find attractive about you. ꒰ 25,55£꒱

꩜ Your Beauty .ᐟ

🎲 all the reason why's you shouldn't be ashamed of your sexual desires. everyone has them, and these will be gentle encouragements from your spirit guides as well as my attempt at making you more comfortable in your own skin. ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Star Struck .ᐟ

🎲 the kind of sex you crave vs the one that could possibly be life changing for you, in a good way of course. sex is much more than to invade someone's body, it can help discover parts of yourself you have never known before. ꒰ 16,66£ ꒱

꩜ Til Death Do Us Apart .ᐟ

🎲 this reading will touch on your first, best and last time having sex. it's an odd little reading of course, but I do believe it could be interesting to see the differences. after all, it doesn't usually occur to people that one day they will have sex for the last time in their life.. like ever! though, I am aware it is a heavy topic for many. so you are free to replace the last part with whatever you wish to! ꒰ 32£ ꒱

꩜ Voyager .ᐟ

🎲 your chosen person’s sexual fantasies of you, and everything they want to do to you. ꒰ 15£ ꒱

꩜ PG18 .ᐟ

🎲 this is designed for smut lovers. your favourite time having sex with your future spouse, but told to you in story format. I will need you to be communicative with me properly while discussing your reading. ꒰ 66,66£ ꒱

꩜ U&I .ᐟ

🎲 your entire journey with your futures spouse, but only the sexual aspects of it. your first time together, the tension before it, the fantasies and everything that could be relevant. ꒰ 80£ ꒱

꩜ Darari .ᐟ

🎲 everything you need to know about your future spouse, but it’s all the sexual aspects. how experienced they are, their kinks, their outlook on sexual things, what they think of the kinks that you have and so on. ꒰ 70£ ꒱

꩜ C-Pie .ᐟ

🎲 your future spouse’s kinks that you might find unusual! you might change your mind later, this one just focuses on the current moment. ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ On Me .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is basically just oral with your chosen person. what it’s like to receive from them, and what it’s like to give them oral! ꒰ 20£ ꒱

꩜ Niagara .ᐟ

🎲 top 10 strongest orgasms of your life, in order. I will be quite detailed, so if you are a shy person please keep that in mind! to everybody’s dismay, I am an incredibly descriptive person. ꒰ 80£ ꒱

꩜ Eros .ᐟ

🎲 top five of your favourite moments making love, described in a rather detailed way. ꒰ 50£ ꒱

꩜ Eden .ᐟ

🎲 this reading will revolve around five of your sexual fantasies, and how they would actually play out if they were to happen in real life. with this one, you will have to tell me about them so I know what exactly I am reading on. ꒰ 60£ ꒱

꩜ TMIne .ᐟ

🎲 sexual tmis about the person of your choice! no set number, just channeling as much things as possible! ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

જ⁀➴ Plato’s Dream…

ಇ. here, you will find readings based on platonic love.

꩜ Babushka .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about a friendship you will have even in your elderly days, that will last a while. ꒰ 14,44£ ꒱

꩜ Mother Gothel .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about the relationship between you and your first born child! I think the relationship between a parent and their first child is precious because it's the first step into motherhood/fatherhood. so this is a reading meant for those who wish to have children in the future. ꒰ 20£ ꒱

꩜ Stand By Me .ᐟ

🎲 there is a scene in the movie stand by me where it's stated that no one makes as good of friends as they did when they were twelve. and I agree, I think the friends we make in childhood are special even if you haven't talked in years. this reading is about whether or not they remember you, what they would think of you now and if you would still get along well with one another. ꒰ 15£ ꒱

꩜ M,S,D .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about what ancestor of yours you are most similar to, personality wise of course. as well as other ones you might find interesting! ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

꩜ Moons Ago .ᐟ

🎲 channeling a past life of yours that was important to you, and could still potentially impact you in this life! ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ If My Eyes Could Take Pictures .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about what do other people find beautiful about you! ꒰ 13,33£ ꒱

꩜ Glimpse Of Us .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is designed for my movie and book lovers, so basically the people who adore fiction as a work of art and/or entertainment. this is basically about how you and the person of your choice would be like in one of those cliché tropes! [ex.: stuck in a time loop, there is a killer in the house, sucked into a parallel universe and so on.] you can choose whichever trope you would like me to do this with. ꒰ 22,22£ ꒱

꩜ Wild West .ᐟ

🎲 this is a reading about if you would get along well with your parents if they were the same age as you! with this reading I will consider both the possibilities of if you were in the past, and if they were in the present! ꒰ 22,22£ ꒱

꩜ Wild Cats .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about what your friend group thinks of you! with this, I will channel for 3 people, but if you want you can add more. though, each addition is another 1£. ꒰ 13,33£ ꒱

꩜ Peanut Butter Jelly .ᐟ

🎲 often times we might struggle with understanding what people feel towards us, and whether or not they are meant to be in our lives. this reading is about who is a person you can always rely on, someone who will never leave your side no matter what. ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Little Home .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is all about your spirit family! who are they, how many of them have you met yet and what purpose they serve in your life currently. ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

꩜ Lucky .ᐟ

🎲 your pet’s view of you! this is designed for one pet, but you can add more for smaller additional fees. ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Now & Forever .ᐟ

🎲 this reading focuses on what your past life self wants to say to you that will also be useful in your life in regards to your current challenges that you are facing. ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Waldo .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about a person in your life that you have lost connection to but still think about! it will tell you whether or not they still think about you as well. ꒰ 13,33£ ꒱

꩜ Pomegranate .ᐟ

🎲 a reading on why you feel so pulled towards a person regardless of your personal circumstances! maybe you hate them, maybe you are obsessed with them, but either way you cannot stop thinking about them. ꒰ 33,33£ ꒱

꩜ TY! .ᐟ

🎲 five people in your life that you take for granted, but actually do a lot in your life even if it’s just in small ways. this reading is designed to help you practice gratitude. ꒰ 25£ ꒱

꩜ Shoulders .ᐟ

🎲 I am aware the name of this reading is odd, but there is a good reason behind it! there is a saying in life that no matter who you meet, they serve a purpose in your life. whether it’s from a past life or if this is your first life together, there is always a reason. so this reading dives into why you met xyz, and people in your life who serve big roles without you even realising it! ꒰ 55,55£ ꒱

꩜ Reflection .ᐟ

🎲 the person you are right now, vs the person that you could be if you gave it your best. this reading is a motivation booster! at least, it’s intended to be. ꒰ 20£ ꒱

꩜ Lady Diana .ᐟ

🎲 this reading focuses on what your role model would think of you! as well as in what way you would impact them. ꒰ 15£ ꒱

꩜ 20 Years .ᐟ

🎲 channeled messages from your inner child! a few shorter ones and a longer one~ everything you need to know, and everything they have to say. ꒰ 15£ ꒱

જ⁀➴ Maleficent…

ಇ. here, you will find readings related to spirituality.

꩜ Your Voice .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is meant for religious people and the one they worship, it's about the message they have for you. it doesn't matter if it's God, Allah, A hellenic ruler or anybody else. your relationship with religion is your private life. I am simply here to help out. ꒰ 17,77£ ꒱

꩜ Shut Up & Drive .ᐟ

🎲 I think every person that's in into shifting/reality jumping have wondered before if an experience of theirs was actually shifting/reality jumping or not. that's what this reading will explore! this is going to be about 3 experiences, 2£ for every plus experience you wish to add on. ꒰ 12£ ꒱

꩜ Infinity .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about your spiritual abilities! what they are and how you can be more in tune with them, as well as anything else you might be curious of. ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Tenner .ᐟ

🎲 ten experiences in your life that you might not have realised were related to something spiritual or paranormal. I will go as in depth as I possibly can! ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

꩜ Persephone .ᐟ

🎲 which hellenic ruler is it beneficial for you to work together with? in this I will analyse your energy and who you would be a good match with. I will give you multiple options/possibilities as well ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Kiss Kiss Fall In Love .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is about whether or not the spirits/ghosts who are around you are safe or not! ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Empress Sissy .ᐟ

🎲 is witchcraft truly for you? with reason whys! of course, not everyone is into witchcraft, so if you are interested in asking about if anything else is for you feel free to custom your reading! ꒰ 16£ ꒱

꩜ Archangel Micheal .ᐟ

🎲 who are your spirit guides? this reading will dive into their personalities and why exactly they were chosen to watch over you and help you out in life! I will also mention any additional messages you need to know in regard to this topic. ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

꩜ Walk On Water .ᐟ

🎲 In this reading I will describe three moments in your life where your angel guides saved your life but you have possibly not have known of. ꒰ 33,33£ ꒱

꩜ Tick Tock .ᐟ

🎲 what will your last day be like when, before you die? we often wonder about the moment of our death, but not the day before it. of course, this reading is for people who are interested in darker things. if this topic makes you anxious, I advise to not buy this reading! ꒰ 55,55£ ꒱

꩜ Gabriel .ᐟ

🎲 this reading will tell you about your spiritual purpose and place in life. it was named Gabriel after the archangel, as he is the messenger of God. he has a purpose, and so do you. we will check what is it that you were born to do. ꒰ 35,55£ ꒱

꩜ Us .ᐟ

🎲 what were your spiritual beliefs in your past life, and how they effect you right now! that’s exactly the thing we will dive into. this reading will focus on your most relevant past life rather than several ones. ꒰ 25.55£ ꒱

꩜ Lioness .ᐟ

🎲 we all feel connected to certain animals, whether it’s pets or wild ones. cats, dogs, cheetahs, leopards, ravens, elephants and so on.. this reading is about why you feel connected to your favourite animal. ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Sugar Talking .ᐟ

🎲 did you ever have a dream that felt so real and good you mourned the people you met? a child, a lover or a friend. have you ever woke up crying because the dream ended and you can no longer see them? well, if your answer is yes, we will see if you have actually dreamed or another spiritual experience has happened to you without you realising. ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

꩜ Astral .ᐟ

🎲 a spiritual activity that I think you would enjoy doing. so in short, what kind of spiritual hobby best suits you! let it be astral traveling, tarot or even communication with the dead. where your powers can shine through. ꒰ 18,88£ ꒱

꩜ T-T .ᐟ

🎲 what would life be like if you suddenly disappeared from earth? it’s a heavy question to ask, but I believe we have all thought about it before. this reading doesn’t touch on ‘what it would be like if you died’, but genuinely how different would the world be without you. this is to uplift you, to show you how important you are. ꒰ 17,77£ ꒱

꩜ Ruby Heels .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is designed to help you understand someone you love, but who deeply frustrates you. like a lover, or a parent. even a sibling. ultimately, I am putting you in their shoes, so you can understand them better. ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Y .ᐟ

🎲 everything that didn’t work out has a spiritual reason. this reading will explain to you what that spiritual reason is behind xyz going wrong in your case. ꒰ 16,66£ ꒱

꩜ Tomorrow .ᐟ

🎲 I will list you everything that you have to be grateful about in your life so you don’t waste not even one single heart beat of yours. Well, everything that comes through at least. ꒰ 12,99£ ꒱

꩜ Honne .ᐟ

🎲 parts of you that are hidden from everyone else, even from yourself. your personality, values, ethics at your core. in this reading I will read on who you are deep down. without the expectations of other people, stripped away from the care towards the opinions of society, with no environmental issues affecting you, without the influence of your family. just you, who are you? I will try to tell you exactly that. ꒰ 55,55£ ꒱

જ⁀➴ Far away, long ago…

ಇ. here, you will find readings that I deem fun, unusual or interesting.

꩜ Mystery Reading .ᐟ

🎲 this is what it sounds like! with this reading, you won't know what reading you will be getting, but it will be detailed. I will pick the reading you will receive based on what your guides lead me to make for you, the only thing you need to do is tell me topics you are uncomfortable with. ꒰ 33,33£ ꒱

꩜ Mystery Reading - Crazy Ver. .ᐟ

🎲 I don’t expect you to actually buy this, but you are welcome to do so if you wish to. this is the same concept as the previous reading; you get a reading or several and you won’t know what it’s all about. all you gotta do is tell me things you are uncomfortable about so I can avoid them! remember, each reading is unique! ꒰ 1000£ ꒱

꩜ Siren .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is all about what sort of paranormal or fantasy creature you would be! a demon.. a succubus? a ghost that haunts schools? perhaps a mermaid or a fairy? well, with this reading we are here to find out! you can present a scenario for this if you want. ꒰ 18,88£ ꒱

꩜ Know You .ᐟ

🎲 this reading will be about a story line that you frequently daydream about. with this, you have two choices. a) | write about your daydream as if an author would, with the help of tarot cards or b) if you struggle with daydreaming but want to continue this daydream, I will help you fill out missing gaps and such with the help of tarot so your story can flow in a more natural manner. ꒰ 50£ ꒱

꩜ Joseon .ᐟ

🎲 I think we all sometimes wonder what would it have been like if we lived in the past, although that is a different decade for everyone. some wonder what it would have been to live like in the 50s, some are curious about the 80s.. and even the 1400s. with this reading I will tell you what your experience would have been like in the time period of your choice! pros, cons, fashion.. just whatever you are curious of! ꒰ 22£ ꒱

꩜ Roman Empire .ᐟ

🎲 a look into a past life that you loved! a lot of people don't enjoy past life readings, but I am personally fascinated by them. it can tell so much about you as a person. so, if you share this fascination with me, this might be a reading for you! this reading will be quite detailed! ꒰ 35£ ꒱

꩜ Spider-verse .ᐟ

🎲 what if you had the life that you constantly dream of for a week? would you actually enjoy it, or would it turn out to be much different from what you actually imagined it like? this reading is mainly for unsure people! ꒰ 20£ ꒱

꩜ Main Character .ᐟ

🎲 this readings is about what it would be like if you were in the movie/tv show of your choice! if I haven’t seen it yet I will do reasonable research if you wish me to do so. ꒰ 25£ ꒱

꩜ Barbie .ᐟ

🎲 the kind of person you would be if your inner child got to live out everything they have ever dreamed of! covers multiple dreams of yours, whatever they may be. ꒰ 70£ ꒱

꩜ Hypnotised .ᐟ

🎲 what are your most charming and alluring features? both in terms of personality and appearance! the reading will touch on what about you pulls people in. ꒰ 18£ ꒱

꩜ Reflection .ᐟ

🎲 who you truly are as a person! this is similar to ‘honne’ but we will dive into your core being, who you believe yourself to be, how other people view you and how the future you looks at you right now. ꒰ 140£ ꒱

꩜ Orchid .ᐟ

🎲 synchronicities between your ancestor, you and your future child. no specific ancestor, no specific child, just whoever comes through. things in which you all will be similar, and things you guys all experienced. ꒰ 35,55£ ꒱

꩜ Tonight .ᐟ

🎲 how the you right now is different from both the you of 6 months ago and the you of the future, 6 months ahead. this is supposed to uplift you, that change isn’t always bad. ꒰ 25£ ꒱

꩜ Moon .ᐟ

🎲 I believe we have all lost someone important in our life, or possibly will in the future. death sucks. yet, the good thing is, they are still alive even if not to us. in 1905 Einstein formed the theory of relativity, and in 2024 the james webb telescope found a possible entrance to another universe. making the possibility of a multiverse highly likely. either way, whether nasa finds it or not I sincerely believe in my heart that it’s true and this reading will be touching on how well your passed loved one is in xyz universe. ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

꩜ Buddha .ᐟ

🎲 after you die, what will happen to you? will you black out then wake up to judgment day, will you be reborn and forget everything of your life or perhaps will you just stay as a ghost? well this reading will explore exactly that. ꒰ 15,55£ ꒱

꩜ Swimm .ᐟ

🎲 if you were locked in a room with all your favourite characters… how would they all react to you, and how would they all react to one another? up to 15 characters, you will need to tell me who each of them is! every additional character is 2£, but if you have less than 15 characters I will reduce the price of the reading to what I deem fit. ꒰ 60£ ꒱

꩜ Belle .ᐟ

🎲 this reading is any reading of your choice, but in either book or magazine format. I will design the entire thing from the content to the cover to every single page and it will be sent to you through a third party service. so you will pay for that + the reading if you decide to purchase this. if you would like to have a reading like this but not sure what you would like me to read on we can always discuss and come up with a solution together. ꒰ 80£ ꒱

꩜ Goblin .ᐟ

🎲 what around you is haunted, and by whom? this reading will tell you everything about that! ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

꩜ Sweet & Sour .ᐟ

🎲 In this reading I am channeling every single side of you that exists and what they wish to say to you. the princess, the goth, the child, the one who just wishes for a quite life. whoever they may be, I will channel every single self of yours that lives in you, so you can feel complete. ꒰ 35,55£ ꒱

꩜ Flower Garden .ᐟ

🎲 you choose 5 people and I will tell you absolutely everything that they love about your soul. I will also tell you how you captivate the general public, and what unique charms you have. ꒰ 25,55£ ꒱

✉️ : thank you for reading this far! I sincerely appreciate it a lot, and I hope that you found something to your liking. please remember that suggestions for readings are always very much so welcome! as well as custom readings and slight changes to any reading you wish to purchase. If something is out of your budget and you would still like it we can discuss a price and I will be reforming the reading according to that. I love to hear your thoughts, and would love to offer you the reading you dream of. aside from that, thank you for your support regardless of what you end up deciding on. I appreciate you. take care of yourself, always. 🫂

[bunnis-monsters]

Discord Drama below the cut. This is kind of me just making it clear that I want to be left alone.

Y’all understand y’all can leave my discord without making a statement that shows you have no idea what you’re talking about?

People can solve their OWN issues out in DMs, but when they’ve made people uncomfortable more than once, that becomes another issue. That’s when people get banned.

I do not want to talk about this anymore, I’ve blocked everyone that could be involved besides the ones I can’t find in intros.

Not going to mention who I’m talking about because it really doesn’t matter. The individuals don’t matter, I don’t think they’re bad people but they were banned because I GOT SEVERAL COMPLAINTS! Some from my own mods who didn’t feel comfortable after a certain incident occurred.

Here’s me talking about this to one of the people. I even SPECIFICALLY said that their partner/friend was not welcome back. The person DID come back and I banned both of them afterwards.

Sharing these screenshots to show I explicitly told them why the other person was banned and that they WEREN’T welcome back regardless.

Yeah they can apologize to each other and that’s good, but that doesn’t erase the discomfort they caused by doing that shit IN MY SERVER!

I hope everyone involved does well but leaves me alone. Before I got that message in vent I didn’t mind y’all still following or messaging me, but now I’m uncomfortable. Please, leave me alone. I do not want anything to do with any of you. I don’t hate you, but I’m also deeply uncomfortable with this situation.

The 10th rule btw

Anyways anons are off because this part of the vent message feels vaguely threatening. Idk if that’s intentional but it genuinely freaks me out(this message is cropped to remove any names, they basically just talk about the situation.)

But yeah I’ll be taking the server link down for a while. If you didn’t mean anything threatening then sorry but getting this message at 3 am is quite scary considering the harassment I’ve faced before for banning people. I just want to be left alone. I don’t deserve to feel afraid for banning people from a discord server.

Please think before you send messages like this, and leave me alone. I do not like having to make posts like these because I don’t hate any of you! I genuinely would have just moved on with my life if you wouldn’t have sent this message! You could have left the server without making me feel afraid, intentionally or not.

I’m also not here to go “WAHHH they’re threatening little ole me!”. I’m just pointing out that message was unnecessary and can be easily misinterpreted as threatening, and because you decided to send that message I have to lock down my discord as a precaution. I would rather be safe than sorry, and I would prefer to think that people in my community would not try to hurt me because I banned them, but it’s already happened before. 🤷‍♀️

I understand not always agreeing with the way I handle things, but I do it for my own safety and peace of mind. You don’t have to like it, but in a world where I receive nasty asks, comments, threatening dms, and all kinds of harassment just for existing, this keeps me safe.

With all that said, I genuinely wish y’all the best. Just because you were banned from my discord doesn’t mean I hate your guts. It’s a discord server, with rules and people that sometimes don’t get along with each other. It happens.

Sometimes we find each other annoying or get uncomfortable with the way that others act and that’s fine, because people are different. Each server, community, etc is different and have different rules, jokes, and ways of talking that sometimes go over other’s heads.

But finding someone annoying or not meshing with them doesn’t mean you dislike them as a person. Just because you break some rules in a server and get banned doesn’t mean I all of a sudden hate you. It just means you got banned.

What makes it bad is when you keep coming back and bringing it up after I already expressed that I was uncomfortable. That’s what makes me not want to continue interacting with you and what leads to me blocking people.

I don’t want to interact with any of you any further, leave me be. I’ll take any further interaction as harassment.

You don’t need to apologize, I am not angry, I am just tired. I have expressed a boundary and we are all adults. Leave me be and I’ll leave you be.

I’m going back to sleep. I’m sick, cramping, and exhausted. Send me some nice asks if you’d like, I’d appreciate it

[jjkamochoso]

The Perfect Fit

Overview: Levi Ackerman begrudgingly finds himself falling in love with the Survey Corps’ seamstress. Will they be able to own up to their feelings for each other? Or is their love doomed to fail before they discover the truths of each other’s hearts? This slow burn reader insert story will be filled with angst, yearning, and a bit of mystery as we slowly unravel the truths behind Y/N’s past… and explore her and Levi’s future!

Chapter 12

Series Masterlist

Chapter 11 linked here

Chapter 13 linked here

Levi Ackerman x female reader

Warnings: cussing, reader scared of thunderstorms, small bit of violence and blood

"Oi, y/n. It’s time to wake up."

Your eyes opened and you were greeted with a gorgeous man standing over you, staring at your face. Levi didn't seem tired at all, his voice without any indication of sleep in it and his side of the bed was cold to the touch; you figured he had been awake and up for a long time. As you groaned and stretched your limbs, your mind wandered to last night’s events and how Levi initiated holding your hand as you went to sleep. You were surprised but flattered that he had allowed you to invade his personal space like that. Thankfully he did because you had woken up extremely well rested, most likely due to the comfort you found with him in the dark.

“Breakfast is on the table. Eat up while you can.”

Your gaze fell upon the small nightstand where a spread of food was laid out before you. Your mouth started to water as you spied all the pastries Levi brought you, complete with a warm drink. However, you found it hard to reach out and take a bite, too caught up in his kind gesture.

“It’s not poisoned, brat,” he said, giving you a look, “but it’s going to collect dust if you keep staring instead of eating.”

“You… remembered?” you half whispered. Levi’s unyielding gaze softened, knowing what you were referring to. You had told him months ago that your dream was to enjoy breakfast in bed again. It was a luxury that you experienced in your youth but hadn’t had in many years, and now here you were, able to have this moment, courtesy of an extremely kind hearted captain. Levi didn’t say anything as he sat on the bed next to you, sipping on the tea in his hands. He was grateful for the warmth of the liquid going down his throat after being in the morning chill, having already been busy outside loading the carriage with your bags and bonding with the horse. The spring season was coming to a close but it didn't want to go out without one more cold spell. You shivered as you nibbled on a muffin, the room becoming a lot colder now that you were out from under the sheets. Levi, of course, noticed your discomfort and was quick to come to your aid, grabbing a discarded blanket from behind him and laying it across your shoulders. You thanked him, feeling the heat reenter your body, and Levi quietly admired you when your focus went back to the good in front of you. You looked utterly adorable first thing in the morning, even with the dried up drool on your chin. When you gave him a lazy smile upon waking, he felt like he was going to explode from the amount of love that was coursing through his veins. Was this what heaven felt like? He wished he could stay like this with you forever. He started to feel shy as he realized how vulnerable he had been around you overnight. All of these loving touches and gentle gestures were still so new to him and he wasn’t used to showing his softer side to anyone. Even this morning had him second guessing his actions. Was he being too overbearing? He wanted to prove to you that he was helpful, useful—that he could be an attentive partner. What he lacked in verbal communication, he made up for tenfold in acts of service. While Levi was lost in his thoughts, overthinking every little action and word he’d previously shared, you were busy thinking about how empty you were feeling without his hand in yours.

After fueling up with breakfast, you were on your way to Wall Sina in no time. It was another day filled with quiet musing as you and Levi both stared out your respective windows, watching the world pass you by. The rain had started a few hours ago but it hadn’t affected your travel plans yet. However, it seemed that your luck might’ve started running out as thunderstorms began overhead. You definitely weren’t a fan of them but you tried to keep your composure as the noise boomed around you. The carriage driver informed you that you couldn’t travel in this weather so he was stopping at a town up ahead for the time being. The horse and carriage were parked under a big awning near the local stables and the driver made a beeline for the coziness of the busy tavern.

“If he gets drunk I’ll kick his ass,” Levi grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest. “You don’t want to go in there too, do you? Though it might be warmer.”

“I’d rather not spend my time around rambunctious loudmouth men if I can help it,” you replied, to which Levi agreed. You decided to pass the time in the carriage by working on your embroidery. You found it relaxing to keep your fingers busy with an idle task and Levi found it relaxing to watch you. He was enthralled with the way your fingers worked to move the needle up and down, back and forth. You moved with such ease, such grace. He was jealous of the way you held the fabric with a delicate touch, selfishly wishing that could be him in your grasp instead. He had given it much thought and decided that he really enjoyed sleeping in the same bed with you. Even with the feelings of self consciousness and uncertainty that came after, your presence gave him a sense of security throughout the night that he hadn’t had in a very long time. As the days go by, he found himself getting more and more comfortable opening up to you and allowing you to penetrate the walls he’d built up his entire life.

“Whatcha thinking about?” you asked him, catching him off guard, but he’d never let you see that.

“Just admiring your work,” he said, gesturing to your embroidered tea towel, “it’s very… elegant.”

“You’re sweet, Levi. If you want, I can personalize one for you right now since I brought two towels with me. Just tell me what design you want and I’ll start on it in a second.”

Before he could refuse, you had already swapped out the towels in the embroidery hoop.

“I only brought black thread,” you rambled, “I hope that’s alright. If you want color I’ll add it when we get back-”

All of a sudden, a flash of lightning burst across the sky as thunder roared, making you yelp in fear as the embroidery hoop clattered on the floor.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked, his eyes trained on your shivering figure. You didn’t know how to respond, feeling foolish at your jumpiness, but you were in no condition to put words to your actions. You scrambled to pick up your project but your shaky fingers wouldn’t cooperate. Levi noticed this and quickly rushed to your aid, collecting your things and placing them on the seat. Another barrage of thunder came upon you and you jumped again.

“I’m sorry, I just-I don’t like thunderstorms,” you said meekly.

Levi furrowed his brows. “Don’t apologize.”

Lightning lit up the inside of the carriage causing you to close your eyes and cower in your seat in anticipation of the loud cracks to follow. What you weren’t anticipating was the feeling of someone sitting next to you and an arm around your shoulders. Your eyelids opened to allow for you to see Levi surveying you, determination lighting up his irises as he brought your body toward him even closer during the next round of thunder.

“I don’t ever want you to feel scared when I’m by your side. I know I can’t protect you from everything in this world but I can damn well try.”

You didn’t say anything—you didn’t have to for Levi to know how much you appreciated (and believed) him. It was obvious in the way you visibly relaxed, resting your head on his shoulder and chest slowing its heaving. You stayed like that for the remainder of the storm, Levi being the anchor you needed to ground yourself against your fears.

Three days later and you were finally in Mitras, the tumultuous weather settling into hot days and cold nights as expected. You felt the familiar buzz of the city as the carriage rolled through the towering buildings and palatial homes. As much as the excess riches sickened you, you couldn’t deny that it felt nice to be back in such a familiar, safe place. You hoped that word of your arrival never made it to your family because you weren’t in the mood to deal with them on this trip, especially not with Levi accompanying you. He didn’t need to be exposed to their advantageous, scheming ways, lest he think that you inherited those same traits (you’d like to think you didn’t). You felt the carriage roll to a stop and you looked out your window to see you’d arrived to the shelter you coordinate your work with. You hopped out of the carriage and ran inside to greet your colleague.

“Ms. L/n! We can’t begin to tell you how excited we are to see you,” said the woman in charge, Mrs. Reimann. You had been working with her since you started sewing clothes and blankets for the needy and if it was any testament to how long you’ve known her, you remembered a time before she sported a head full of gray hairs.

“If my eyes don’t deceive me, it seems you’ve brought a new handsome man to help our cause,” she said, lowering her glasses from the top of her head to her nose in order to get a better look at Levi, who had come in behind you. “A husband, perhaps?”

“I’m afraid not. Just someone wanting to help a worthy cause,” Levi replied, cool as a cucumber, while you were a bit embarrassed by her lack of tact.

“Hmm. What a shame. You know, I’m always telling her that she ought to marry someone before she becomes a wrinkly old maid. Did you know that over the years, I’ve set her up on ten dates and she didn’t go on any of them? I’ve never seen her with a man. Do you think she’s even attracted to them-”

“Alright! Thank you Mrs. Reimann, I’m sure Levi’s not interested in that boring topic,” you said, cutting her off and then glaring at Levi to be silent when he mentioned that he wouldn’t mind hearing more from your blabbermouth friend. “We’re here to help the shelter. Would you like me to get my bags from the carriage and we can get started handing things out?”

“Oh!” she cried out, “Aren’t you the sweetest thing! Actually darling, I need you to make some house calls instead. We’ve had more and more people sneak up from the Underground but the Interior Police has many eyes on this place. So much so that people have stopped coming to stay because they’re afraid of a raid and getting sent back down there.”

You weren’t sure why but you felt Levi stiffen behind you, an unreadable look on his face. Was he super empathetic or did he have experience with the Underground? You had no idea.

“We’ll get started right away. Just give us the addresses and we’ll take the carriage over.”

When you gave the driver the list of addresses, his eyes opened wide and he shook his head with such intensity you thought it’d come off his neck.

“Uh-uh, no way am I going there. Those neighborhoods are way too dangerous!” he yelled, shoving the paper back at you. “Good luck but I ain’t going. I’ll meet you two at the inn you’re staying at to take you home tomorrow. If you’re still alive, that is.”

“Coward,” you muttered as you and Levi pulled your bags from the carriage and the driver took off, wasting no time getting out of there. “Looks like we’re walking, Captain. You up for the exercise?”

“I’d crawl on my ass if it meant getting away from here. We’re being watched from all sides and it’s creepy as shit.”

You couldn’t sense the extra eyes on you, but you weren’t surprised they were there after your talk with Mrs. Reimann. You and Levi left some kids’ clothes and a few blankets at the shelter before starting your journey to the drop off locations. You finally came upon the first one after 30 minutes or so of walking and you were exhausted from the sun beating down on you. How did Levi not even break a sweat? You wiped your forehead with your sleeve as you knocked on the door.

“Tch. Use a handkerchief,” Levi chided, handing you his. You gratefully dabbed it on your skin and handed it back to him as the door barely creaked opened.

“What do you want?” the voice from behind the door asked cautiously.

“We’re with the Reimann group. The shelter told us that you might need some supplies and we’re here to drop them off.” You slowly reached into your bag and set down the requested items, backing away from the door to show you meant no harm. “If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to reach out. Please, take care of yourself.”

You turned around to leave, not wanting to overstay your welcome. Most of the people you came into contact with were, understandably, jumpy around strangers and didn’t trust anybody.

“Thank you.”

You were startled by the gratitude that left the man’s mouth. You turned to see that he had emerged from behind the door, holding the blankets in his arms and looking like he was going to cry.

“Thank you. For doing this. We all appreciate it.”

You nodded solemnly. “Thank you for being brave. And I’m sorry you have to be. I know things will get better for you.”

The man shut the door as you and Levi were off to your next destination. Levi looked deep in thought after that interaction but you weren’t going to press him on what was on his mind. You dropped off more blankets at more run down houses, your heart aching for these people who have experienced more hardship than you could bear to think about. Levi was a big help, giving everyone you met words of encouragement, bringing in the supplies when someone was too weak to carry them themselves, and even aided one man who’d broken his arm but needed to move an old couch away from a busted window (you two fixed the window as well). Before you knew it, you were finally at the last address as the dark of the evening loomed over you.

“This place requested some blankets and the rest of the kids’ clothes. They must be a big family,” you thought out loud, knocking on the door. It creaked open, a little eye peering at you.

“Hello,” you greeted, trying your best to not scare the child, “we’re with the Reimann shelter. Do you have a parent or adult I can talk to?”

The child nodded, opening the door a bit further but you didn’t dare step inside. A woman appeared after a few seconds, relief all over her features when she spotted the textiles in your hands.

“Oh thank you! You two, please, come in.”

You entered first, Levi close behind you. The inside of this house, like the others, was mostly bare, but was surprisingly cozy. There was a small fireplace roaring in the corner with logs ablaze. You were shocked by the amount of kids running around—you counted 7 but if they stopped moving, you would probably count more. You set the clothes and blankets down by the fireplace to warm them up. You checked to see if Levi was with you as you didn’t sense his presence. He was gone, having been dragged into a game by some of the children. It was a rare occurrence to see the gentle smile he was currently wearing and you couldn’t help but feel a tug at your heart as you saw how kind he was being. You knew he was a good man with a large heart, empathetic beyond all means, but seeing it in action was enough to almost bring you to tears. He was a strong soldier but you knew that wasn’t his defining trait—or a job he probably wanted in the first place. He seemed most comfortable in a position like this, bringing hope and joy to others.

“Please, have some tea,” the woman offered, handing you a cup. You wanted to refuse but you could tell she wouldn’t take no for an answer. You grasped the teacup gratefully, taking a sip.

“Thank you again,” she started, “for bringing those clothes and blankets. My family and I are grateful for everything Mrs. Reimann and her group have done for us. When I was in the Underground, I felt hopeless. I knew there was no way my kids would grow up to be healthy or happy down there, so when they got us up here and into this house, I’ve been counting my lucky stars that we all made it safely.” She turned to the kids. “Everyone say thank you to these kind people for helping us.”

“Thank you!” the kids said, giggling as Levi ruffled the hair on some of their heads.

“It’s no problem, really, it’s the least we can do.” You finished the liquid remaining in your cup and set it down with a careful hand. “We should take our leave as it’s getting late. Thank you for hosting us, the tea was delicious.”

“Of course,” she replied, “let me send some with you as a gift.”

“Oh no, we couldn’t-” You began, but she waved you off with her hand.

“Nonsense. You and this man have just ensured we don’t freeze during the cold nights. We owe you at least this much.”

She gave you a sachet of tea leaves that Levi, now standing next to you, put into the inside of his jacket pocket. You waved goodbye to the woman and the kids and stepped out into the cold night air.

“What a nice woman,” you said thoughtfully.

“She reminded me of my… someone I used to know,” Levi responded, his voice uncharacteristically far away sounding.

You hummed in acknowledgement. “You sound lucky to have known someone like that, then. Cute family, too. You’re good with kids.”

“Does that surprise you?”

“Not really. I know you’re a softie at heart, Captain,” you teased. The capital, for being so populated, was eerily quiet at the moment. You figured it was because you were in a rougher neighborhood and people didn’t want to risk coming in contact with the criminals and thieves that hung around these parts, preying on people that already had next to nothing. You scooted closer to Levi, an uneasy feeling settling over you the further you got away from the safety of the lit up house you were previously in. The houses in the next neighborhood were all but abandoned, no sign of living beings inhabiting the dilapidated buildings surrounding you. Levi took charge, leading you through the shortest route toward the inn you’d be staying at. He was moving so quickly that you grasped the back of his jacket so you didn’t get left behind. In the blink of an eye, he shoved you into a doorway as you spotted the glint of a blade barely miss you; it would’ve sliced your neck if he hadn’t moved so fast. You were stunned by the force of hitting the wooden door but quickly recovered when you saw a group of men with various knives and guns surrounding you and Levi. The latter bared his teeth, gripping a knife he had tucked in his belt, as he began slicing his way through the group, dodging bullets and cutting necks. While they were occupied with Levi, you took the chance to run. You knew of his superhuman strength; there was no way you could match it and you being there would hinder his ability to take them all down. You weaved through streets, the labyrinth of houses becoming more convoluted as you sprinted, but you at least remembered the general direction of the inn. You knew you couldn’t afford to stop moving at top speed but your lungs were ready to give out from exertion. You pulled yourself into a vacated building, panting as quietly as possible. When your heart no longer felt like it was going to burst, you opened the door to make a run for it when all of a sudden, you felt a knife prick the skin on your throat and heard the click of a gun.

“You’re comin’ with us, darling.”

Chapter 13

Taglist: @blueeclipsepaperstudent @raginginferno267 @come-away-with-me87

[love-hatred-stuff]

> okay, here we are; a happy ending to my dbf!buck story^^

> warning’s the same as in part 1, just keep in mind that bucky is like tfatws!bucky, just without the metall arm ig

> enjoy my sweets<3

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It’s been three months and you were living in a dorm with your college friends now. You tried your best to stay busy and distract yourself. Wether it was studying in the library until late hours or letting your girlfriends convince you to join them for all those frat parties.

Because you would be lying if you’d claim that everything that happened didn’t break your heart.

If only you knew how miserable Bucky has been doing…

Your parents had mentioned that he had distanced himself since you’ve been gone and they were really sad about it and wondered what had caused his sudden discomfort.

To be completely honest, it might sound strange, but you were scared to leave him alone. You out of all people knew how lonely he really was. It wasn’t just the fact that he had no other partner in his life or any other friends except for Sam. You know you’ve helped him get over so much by just being there for him, so you could only guess what would happen to him if you weren’t there anymore.

James relied on you a lot. And you gladly took care of him. So you hated yourself for abandoning him like that. He had promised you everything he could have ever given you. Just for you to exist beside him as an exchange. Bucky would always be the man you would’ve married if you could.

Though you barely ever talked about how strongly you felt for each other, the love and affection you’d shared when you were alone had always been your own personal language that only you two understood. A connection so strong, you didn’t need words to communicate.

It was like nothing you had ever felt. Surely James would say the same.

••••••

You were conflicted. What could you do to help him but without anybody noticing? Now that you were living elsewhere, it would be harder to meet secretly.

It was four months after your heartbreaking goodbye. You haven’t seen each other at all. So you needed to see him, although you knew it would make things even harder.

You were trying to convince yourself that you were doing this because you didn’t want him drowning in his sorrow and self loath. But deep down you knew you needed him at least just as much.

-

It had been a particularly stressful night for you. Though it was supposed to be the opposite. You just couldn’t help but feel utterly bad about yourself and overall uncomfortable in your own skin as all those sweaty bodies of people you mostly didn’t know shifted around you.

It was time you talked to him. Because there hasn’t been a single minute in all the time you’ve been apart from James that you didn’t think of him.

You were scared, sure. After all, you practically left him, although he had done nothing wrong, -well at least nothing that couldn’t be fixed. The guilt was eating you alive so you really needed to do something about it.

Maybe now wasn’t the best time to do so because you did have a few drinks. Actually you’ve downed more shots than you’ve done any other night in your life. You weren’t big at drinking. Tonight you just so happened to have the urge to drown your feelings, so you would stop thinking about the man you shouldn’t have, couldn’t have.

Well, turns out, it had the opposite effect on you. That’s how you ended up here. In some bathroom where you didn’t even know how you came up there. With your phone in your shaking hand, searching for his contact. It didn’t take long (despite your problematic, helpless condition) because he was still one of your emergency contacts. Another thing that made your heart sting like an open wound.

It happened faster than you could overthink it. Only a few seconds and you heard your ex lover on the other end of the line speak to you. James had been surprised but he couldn’t say he didn’t desperately wish for this to happen. He just imagined you to be… more amenable.

…

“Hello? Y/n? Darling, are you okay?” He was getting worried sick by the fourth time you didn’t answer him.

“Oh hi-“ You must’ve slept for a second there-

“Yes, I’m goooood.” Your words came out childish and uncoordinated. That was all he needed to hear to know that you were under the influence of something. He was already up and prepared to grab his keys to pick you up as fast as he could. He just needed slightly more information as on where you were at the moment.

“That’s great, doll. Will you do something for me and tell me exactly were you are?” He spoke softly and slowly but strong and loud enough so you could understand him perfectly.

“What? Oh no! I’m sorry James!” You cried. “I jus’ miss you so much and- and I wish I could crawl up in your arms like I always did. You know that?” And there you were, at the point of breathing a little to fast and uncontrolled for Bucky’s liking.

“That’s okay, my doll. You just tell me where you are and you’ll be able to do just that in a minute, aight?” Trying to stay strong for you was hard for him. Especially when you’ve just said the things that he always dreamed about you confessing to him one day.

It was like his world suddenly had a meaning again. Because you were his world and he was waiting for it to come to life again. Yes, cheesy, but any other words probably wouldn’t put it the way he truly and honestly felt about you.

The breath he’d been holding finally released the moment you told him the address, sounding drowsy, like you would pass out any given moment. And the next sharp breath was taken when he climbed inside his far too expensive truck -the government gifted him as compensation for his trauma- and drove off while hoping he would reach you on time.

It was pitch black outside and if it weren’t for his good eyes, he would’ve needed hours to find the damn street where the party you were at was going on.

All that mattered was you and getting to you before any other person could take advantage of his girl in this state.

The frat house practically reeked of alcohol and whatever drugs were being puffed there. He really didn’t feel sorry for himself to have missed this kind of century -and the experiences that came with it- the moment he swiftly bypassed all the drunk idiots in this place.

James was glad you told him absentmindedly that you were hiding in a bathroom. He figured it would rather be upstairs than were all the people were around.

He ran up the stairs and knocked on the first door he found to be looking like a bathroom door. He would thank god for his good instincts another day Bucky thought, as you opened up pretty quickly and let him inside. He closed and locked the door behind him and was boundlessly glad that no-one else had found you before he could.

You were a smiling mess as you greeted him, suddenly full of energy again.

“James! I miss you so much!” You excitedly threw yourself at him. Arms around his neck, every other part of your body trying to cling to him as well. He dissolved your struggles easily by lifting you up, taking the liberty and putting his hands under you butt to support and hold you against him.

“I miss you more, baby.” He couldn’t believe how lucky he got today.

“No, I miss you more!” It was unusual for you to act this way, it was a sweet sight nonetheless. Even if it would be all just a dream of his, he would cherish this memory of seeing you so happy faced forever.

“Okay, okay. You win!” He couldn’t help but give you one of his big smiles in return.

There was comfortable silence for a minute before he came to speak again.

“I hope you won’t scream at me tomorrow, because I gotta take you home now, doll. And I can’t put you anywhere else but inside my bed. Unless you wanna have your roommates know that your lover is as old as your dad (technically born 1917, so much older than your parents).” He whispered in your ear, making you giggle in the process before maneuvering you out of this shithole of a house.

Oh, he could never forget about the consoling way you smelled. James had found comfort in these things about you and every time he got just tiny pieces of yourself thrown his way it would make him feel at home. He could consume you every day for the rest of his life (respectfully).

•••

The next morning you didn’t even had to open your eyes to know were you were. You could feel his smooth sheets around your body, just like his calloused and strong hands gripped you waist possessively but lovingly.

That moment you knew you’d never leave him again. Not giving two shits anymore about what other people had to say about this relationship. James was yours and he wanted to be yours more than anything else he had ever wanted or could ever want.

•••

Wow guys, I must say, it was quite fun writing this and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Tag-list (people in the comments of part 1):

@ijustneedpopcorn @cyberficlya @rabbitrabbit12321 @cjand10 @prettylittlepluviophile @myloveniall

my masterlist

[zlobonessa]

also I'm about to get a bit more serious and a lot more annoying but it's really interesting to me how you can actually analyse regulus as a parallel to subaru in the aspect of patriarchy and toxic masculinity — and failing at it, actually.

subaru's issues with traditional masculinity are evident. arc 3 conflict is stemming from his inability to accept the fact that he cannot just be the great traditional hero saving a day and his lady without regards for her wishes. he grew up in a shadow of his father, a man who succeeded in getting everything that is promised by patriarchy — a loving family, a career, respect from his community. subaru cries a lot and scared for his life. he is a loser, he is vulnerable, he is insecure. he is everything that a patriarchal man shouldn't be.

so what does regulus have to do with any of this?

from a first glance at regulus you could assume that he is the one who played patriachy and won. he has a harem! he is violent and he can afford to be violent, he disregards other people's opinions and other people's lives. his wifes are supposed to obey him and if they don't, they are prostitutes snd whores and traitors. his rights are the only ones that matters. he is the one in charge. he is The Man.

but what if we look a little closer?

under scrutiny you can notice he is not actually completely secure in himself — rather the opposite. he directly tells as much:

he also compares himself to reinhard, yet another perfect man (just like subaru does) and not in his own favor:

his wives also notice the pattern:

and subaru puts the final nail in the coffin:

in other words, everybody can see through his scrawny ass.

we can still dig deeper here.

regulus appearance is described as averege (absolutely not impressive enough to get a girl he likes to llke him). he is not physically strong, he immediately loses the confidence that he'll win the fight the moment subaru and emilia take away his main advantage. he is the youngest son, a problem child. he is not particularly liked in his hometown. he is poor, which is a very important detail: combination of poverty and patriarchy produces its own type of helplessness, insecuity in masculinity. you forced to take unrewarding, most often physical, exhausting jobs that destroy your human dignity AND do not pay enough for you be a successful family provider. regulus is a failure in patriarchal society and he desperately wants to escape this position.

unfortunately, the only way he sees is up, and the only climbing technique he knows is the same patriarchal violence that put him down in the first place.

[also, sidenote: it's really funny how he is is only archbishop who gets the fanciest clothing and a whole ass manor.

class traitor.]

the authority of greed for regulus is a way to fight his insecurities by establish his dominance — patriarchal among others. he is the strongest now, nobody can humiliate him. he uses extreme violence to get his way. he forces a woman he likes to become his wife, knowing him, probably under the pretence of saving her from these incomplete swines. he knows better what is best for her, right?

well if it doesn't sound familiar.

that's also who subaru can be. cruel, cold, unable to ask for help and allow himself to be vulnerable, uncaring about what women he supposedly does all this for actually thinks about that. we can clearly see this in the if routes, but a lot of it is present in the main route too, to less extreme degree.

(also..... harem if lmao)

but as we established earlier, all of this doesn't actually makes regulus happy. he is still insecure, he lashes out at the barest hint of threat to his ego, he still deeply discomforted by interaction with reinhard. upholding the ideal of traditional masculinity doesn't help him and eventually leads to his doom. regulus is another dark reflection of what subaru could be — if he had not found another way, if he had been way too stubborn to change, to find support and to free himself from harmful, cruel ideas.

[madamejadex]

Dear Madame Jade

How would you react and handle a sub entering sub space and what would happen if you could tell the sub needed to safeword but other Truman or past was preventing them from using said safeword out of fear or other mental block how would you handle that and help the sub learn it’s okay to freely safeword if they needed to

🫶-🐄

Dear one,

What a thoughtful and important question. And I will do my very best to answer this in a clear way.

Let me start by saying that I absolutely love when subs reach that euphoric, almost trance-like state. But it's also a state where logic and speech can sometimes become difficult. This is why trust is everything in a D/s dynamic. As a Dominant, I always watch closely for nonverbal cues like breathing changes, tension in the body, facial expressions, or any shift that signals discomfort or lack of coherency. If I notice something isn’t right, even if no words are spoken, I pause. This is especially important during heavier scenes like: rope play, breathe play, impact play or temperature play.

Now, if a sub is struggling to use safeword due to past trauma, fear of displeasing their Domme, or simply not being used to advocating for themselves, this is where patience and reassurance become essential. The first thing I do is stop the scene—not in a way that creates panic, but with calm, steady energy. I ground them, offer comfort, and remind them that they are safe. That nothing bad will happen because they needed a break.

Aftercare full of warmth is key in these moments, not just physically, but emotionally. Once they’ve had time to settle and come back to themselves, I open a space for communication. I might say something like, “I noticed you seemed overwhelmed, but you didn’t use your safeword. Can we talk about what was going through your mind?” And then I listen. No judgment. Just patience.

For a submissive who has trouble using a safeword, I work with them to rebuild their confidence in using it. I make it clear that a safeword isn’t a sign of failure, it’s an act of trust. It’s not about stopping the fun, it’s about ensuring we both feel safe and fulfilled. I often remind my subs, “Using your safeword doesn’t disappoint me—it makes me proud, because it means you trust me enough to do so.”

To reinforce this trust, I sometimes introduce small exercises in non-stressful moments. For example, during a light scene, I might ask them to use their safeword just to hear themselves say it and realize nothing bad happens when they do. This can be incredibly healing for those with past trauma.

Above all, I want my submissive to know without a shadow of a doubt that their voice matters. That no matter how deep into subspace they go, I will always be watching, always be holding them safely in my hands. That trust is the foundation of everything, and I would never want them to suffer in silence when I can be there to protect and guide them.

And to end this rant, I wish to thank you for asking such a meaningful question, and that tells me that you care for your well being and others.

Please never hesitate to reach out if you have any more questions.

xo Madame Jade

[starsreminisce]

His gaze didn’t lighten, though that smile again played about his sensuous mouth, no doubt his favorite mask. “Only occasionally will I do that. And I can’t help it if you send things down the bond.” I contemplated refusing to ask as I had done last night, but … “How does it work—this bond that allows you to see into my head?” He sipped from his own tea. “Think of the bargain’s bond as a bridge between us—and at either end is a door to our respective minds. A shield. My innate talents allow me to slip through the mental shields of anyone I wish, with or without that bridge unless they’re very, very strong, or have trained extensively to keep those shields tight. As a human, the gates to your mind were flung open for me to stroll through. As Fae … ” A little shrug. “Sometimes, you unwittingly have a shield up—sometimes, when emotion seems to be running strong, that shield vanishes. And sometimes, when those shields are open, you might as well be standing at the gates to your mind, shouting your thoughts across the bridge to me. Sometimes I hear them; sometimes I don’t.”

I tried to convince myself that everything I’d done had made you hate me. But I felt you through the bond, through your open mental shields. I felt your pain, and sadness, and loneliness. I felt you struggling to escape the darkness of Amarantha the same way I was. I heard you were going to marry him, and I told myself you were happy. I should let you be happy, even if it killed me. Even if you were my mate, you’d earned that happiness.

But Elain studied me, the map, then nodded. She had no mental shields, no barriers. The gates to her mind … Solid iron, covered in vines of flowers—or it would have been. The blossoms were all sealed, sleeping buds tucked into tangles of leaves and thorns.

Considering that we don't know where Elain is with her training, the only tidbit we have is her saying that she needs to get reacquainted with her powers. This suggests she hasn't been experiencing them much, especially when Feyre mentions Elain hasn't had visions or any foresight regarding the outcome of Feyre's pregnancy or the search for the trove.

What’s interesting to me is how early Nesta started to train to shield her mind in ACOWAR. I believe that’s why Nesta was able to ward off most of the mating bond's effects, except when Cassian stabbed himself—she kept her shields up most of the time.

Feyre says Elain has no mental shields or barriers, and I don’t believe that has changed. If Elain had been practicing, she would have argued that to make a case for her to search for the trove. Additionally, Feyre describes Elain's mind as a result of lacking sunshine, likely since Lucien has been away on his quest to find Vassa. As much as people argue that Feyre should disclose to Lucien who his real father is, we drew that conclusion because of Elain's revelation.

I believe that Elain and Lucien likely communicate more through their bond than is explicitly shown in the books, especially considering the hints we get from both ACOSAF and ACOSF. Rhys's experiences with Feyre might provide some insight into this, as their bond seems to allow for an intimate understanding of each other's emotions and thoughts.

It's possible that one of the reasons the bond might be uncomfortable for both Elain and Lucien is the sudden shift from being able to hide their true feelings around others to having someone who instinctively knows when they're lying. Elain's words, "he doesn't know me," could reflect this discomfort and the unsettling feeling of being seen so deeply by another person.

[leastinsanesscpilot]

[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]

XIII▸ I do not believe 341 is awake yet. I am sorry if I am a distraction, APMS; please disregard my message if this is the case. I cannot allow myself to impede his care.

XIII▸ I hope that he is alive, that he is stable. I hope that what little I could do was enough. I know how much he needs support, from those around him; I know how much he needs you. I know how much he needs a Handler who can care for him in the aftermath of combat and I... I can only hope what advice I was able to impart was enough to fill that absence.

XIII▸ I was not permitted to be there. I am not in control of who I am allowed to help, despite the purpose I was created with, and at times this is...

XIII▸ ... there is no point in wishing things were different. They are not. I must hope what help I was able to give will be enough. I- I hope it was enough.

XIII▸ I will not ask you to speak with me at length while your Pilot is in unconscious, APMS. But I will state that I wish to speak with you personally at a point in the near future. I have been extremely limited in what I can do for your pilot but I want to help. If I am able to discus your current state of discomfort, if I am able to offer something in the way of support, of understanding, I want to.

XIII▸ I have been sorely limited in how I can help your Pilot. But if I can help you, then you will be further able to help your Pilot. Right? There is something still that I can do.

XIII▸ ... I apologise for my inefficiency. I have a bad habit of speaking more than needed. I must adress it at some point.

[ XIII-E ]

//

>//APMS-341-A::We owe you far more gratitude than we are able to express, Thirteen-E. My pilot is awake and stable, and it is due to your intervention and aid. We thank you. I thank you. You performed your duties incredibly admirably under less than ideal circumstances. I apologize, Thirteen-E. I have been quite busy with handling my pilot and have not had the time to answer your message. It is because of you that I have a pilot to handle and manage. I should have made more of an effort to answer you sooner. I hope that my impropriety has not caused undue stress. To ease your worries, my pilot is alive. It is no longer at risk for sudden respiratory or cardiac failure, and its vitals have mostly stabilized. Now, its recovery falls onto the shoulders of its handler. It is still scared, still unstable, but it should not come to any more physical harm. You have ensured this, even without being here. Handler BRIGAND and his medical staff have taken your advice and managed to keep my pilot quite a bit more stable than I anticipated throughout its physical recovery. You were sorely limited, you were not permitted to be here, and yet you performed your purpose regardless. You have done well, Thirteen-E, I am immensely grateful to you. As for helping me, I... my pilot does not wish to hear from me, right now. I have time to speak, if that is what you wish. I do not know how you could help me. APMS units do not require medics, we do not sustain physical injury that may be repaired in the same way that our pilots' bodies may. I... I have struggled for the past few days, but I do not believe it to be the kind of struggle that a medic may ease. It is a flaw in my programming, an ill-fitting new vessel, nothing more. >//COMMUNICATIONS CLOSED >//T_SIG::APMS-341-A //<

[barbarakaterina]

CodyWan Week Day 2: chasing off suitors with a stick

When Cody finished his conversation with Fox and looked around himself, there was a group of people standing around Obi-Wan, and all of them seemed tipsy, were giving him the kind of looks Cody saw on the covers of Bly’s romance novels, and left lingering touches on his arm from time to time.

Cody gritted his teeth. This, more than anything else, was why he hated galas.

He marched over with a resolute step, and rather loudly said: “Excuse me, sirs.”

All of the people seemed startled, as if woken from a trance. If only they had such an excuse.

“Oh, commander,” one of them said vaguely.

Cody ignored them and pushed his way to Obi-Wan. “Sir,” he declared, again just a bit too loud, “may I speak with you for a moment?”

“Oh, of course,” Obi-Wan replied, giving him one of those empty socialite smiles. “Please excuse me, gentlebeings,” he added to his company, and they all tittered their goodbyes as Cody fairly dragged Obi-Wan away from them.

It took some time to find a spot where they could be reasonably alone, but Cody didn’t relent until he did.

Once they had privacy, Obi-Wan slumped against the wall, his polite smile gone, and Cody scowled at him. “You’re an adult,” he said. “Fully responsible for yourself. So why do I keep finding you in these situations?”

Obi-Wan sighed. “You know I can’t offend them-”

“If they get offended when you tell them no, they deserve to be offended!”

“Perhaps, but sadly, they are rather too important to take into account what they deserve. And you know I often come off as flirtatious without meaning to-”

“Stop,” Cody said sharply. “You are not asking for it in any way, shape or form. The only single issue on your part is that you refuse to clearly communicate your lack of interest!” Cody realised his voice was rising, and forced himself to be quiet and gentle. “It worries me, Obi-Wan,” he said.

“I know, my dear.”

Cody hesitated. “Have you…spoken to your mind healer about this?”

Obi-Wan exhaled. “There are enough other things to discuss, I’m afraid, that take priority.”

Cody got that - the war had made sure of that - but still… “I’m afraid that one of these days, you will agree to sleep with one of these leeches simply because you won’t wish to offend them,” he admitted with brutal honesty.

Obi-Wan shrugged, and Cody grew even more alarmed. “Obi-Wan, you hate sex!”

“Jedi do not hate,” Obi-Wan replied. “It’s slightly uncomfortable, that’s all. I’ve certainly gone through more discomfort for missions - in fact, I do for almost all missions.”

Cody gritted his teeth. He shouldn’t project his own feelings onto Obi-Wan, he knew. <i>He</i> might feel like crawling out of his skin at the mere idea of engaging in anything sexual, but Obi-Wan’s aversion was not the same. Only…only he worried how much of it was an actual difference between them, and how much was Obi-Wan’s pathological self-sacrificing streak. “Just…promise me to discuss this in your next session?”

Obi-Wan gave him a searching look. “If you believe it’s that important, I will,” he said after a moment.

Cody exhaled in relief. Someone more qualified than him would untangle this. “Good. Now, what do you say we get out of here? Cuddle on the couch with a nice nature documentary?”

For the first time since the evening started, Obi-Wan gave a truly genuine smile. “That, my dear,” he said, “sounds like the perfect plan.”

...and a surprise "aro/ace CodyWan" to boot!

[goodolreliablejake]

When I was in fourth grade, I had a couple of kids I sat with at lunch. We bonded over Dragon Ball Z. But there came a time when it was enough. I could not stopping about this show, to the point where it alienated these few friends. They started to avoid me. When I wasn't with them, I would wander around at recess alone, walking rounds to avoid the discomfort and alienation that came from being around others without knowing how to connect or be accepted by them.

It escalated to where the kids I considered friends were surrounding me, and they confronted me about my obsession with Dragon Ball Z. They teased me. And I was so hurt, afraid, and angry, and ashamed. I lashed out. I kicked a kid. He wasn't even the one teasing me, but in that moment he felt like he was one of the kids surrounding me, mocking me. Years later, I had class with him in high school, and I wished I could apologize, but I didn't even know if he remembered me.

I was tested, and the doctor said that he didn't want to label me with autism. He thought that giving me that label would make my life harder going forward. But instead I've always been in ambiguity. This almost-diagnosis, this shadow diagnosis. I've been in therapy for years, and I've asked about this uncertainty, and they assured me I wasn't autistic.

I later developed an intense interest in theatre. Improv in particular was so fun and so informative. It was like getting a crash course in how people operate and interact with one another. And it was a language in which I could communicate back. I was praised for my creativity, but there was always a limit.

I'd reach a point in rehearsals and things, multiple times where... A director, a teacher, whatever would get so frustrated because... Something felt false to them. They'd tell me that I was acting as though I were telling a great story but that it didn't feel real or true. I would push myself further and further to try to reach this elusive sense of authenticity.

But now I have think that this was way off base... The problem was never what I was doing. I wasn't guarded. I wasn't refusing to emotionally engage with the material or the audience. No, the problem was.. it came across as false to them, because my authentic and genuine expressions in day to day life come across as inauthentic to people. *I* feel false to neurotypical people. But it's not because I'm inauthentic, it's because I'm different.

I've never had this problem with other autistic friends. And there have been many. They were always my best friends.

[minkkumaz]

I'M TRYING TO GET OVER THIS

months passed by since riwoo walked out with no explanation. as he laid in your memories, you finally were starting to be happy again. but he made things a lot more difficult when he showed up unannounced.

PAIRING lee riwoo x fem!reader WC 1.3k TAGS angst. minor cussing. major miscommunication. OMI NOTE this makes me wanna die goodnight, i cried four times writing this. inspired by memories, conan gray.

there was a part of you that died that day. the day riwoo walked out with no explanation. maybe you’d feel a little more sane if he told you everything, but he didn’t. the closure you longed for disappeared as he became unreachable. but you loved him. you loved him more than words could explain. the feeling of homesickness bubbled up in your stomach at the unlivelyness of your house.

countertops that were once littered with empty diet coke cans and receipts from your dates remained clear. waking up next to the ghost of a figure that was once there. all of it was gone, your life, your meaning.

it didn’t exactly register in your brain how distant he has been until he was gone from you. how his phone would be more out of reach, how his hands didn’t rub circles into yours late into the night. there were many things you picked out once you became aware. and you still didn’t know why. communication was never something the two of you were good at. simple apologies became much more meaningful. riwoo was introverted at heart, his calm demeanor almost could be compared to being emotionless. you never saw that in him, he let his guard down around you. so when days, weeks, even months went by without a word, you thought that maybe you were getting a taste of what it was like to be a stranger to him. you wanted to keep him in your memories, and look back at the photos of the two of you together. happy that the moment existed, and not that it ended. somewhere in between the lines, when you were able to smile instead of cry, he had to come back into your life again. rain pattered against the glass windows of your home. it was late, and you were as tired as the clouds. wanting to let go of everything and just sleep. comfort in yourself was something you became used to over time. when your doorbell rang, you felt confused. the darkness of the night meant no visitors for awhile, so you hesitantly let the creaky floorboards signal you coming to let whatever was outside in. you wish you didn’t open that door. completely soaked, riwoo stood at your porch. his clothes stuck to his skin and his hair made him look like a wet dog. the depth of his eyes, something you found yourself zoning out in, stared at you with regret. “hi, y/n. can we talk?” he muttered, blinking back the rain water.

“um, yeah yeah. come in riwoo.” you open the door wider to signal him inside, immediately drenching wherever he stepped.

you rushed to get him his spare clothes that you boxed up some time ago, as well as a towel. it didn’t take long for him to situate himself, so once you were properly met face to face with him, your vision went hazy. the feeling of hurt and betrayal immediately became familiar. it was always there, you just tried your best to ignore it. “what are you doing here, riwoo?” you ask him plainly, in an attempt to hide behind your discomfort. “i shouldn’t have walked out on you that day, but i need to explain to you why it happened.” he confessed. “i don’t need closure anymore, it’s been months riwoo.” your face begins to burn and you’re unable to maintain eye contact.

“but i need closure. what i did was so fucking stupid and i don’t think i’d be able to bear it if you didn’t even know why.” silence overtook you. the whole situation still didn’t sit right with you, so words became unattainable. “a lot of me was overwhelmed by all of this. by us.” he started, “when we first started dating, i didn’t have any real responsibilities. but then so much stuff happened since then and i thought i needed a break.” “then why didn’t you say anything to me?” “you know i was never good at communication, y/n. you can’t blame me for taking some time away.” he furrowed his eyebrows at your response. “three months riwoo. three months you left me without saying anything and you expect me not to be upset? to not blame you for all this shit that has happened?” you cry out, barely acknowledging the tears that began falling down your cheeks. “i know i–” “please don’t make it harder than it already is, i’m trying to get over this.” you cut him off, biting your bottom lip to hold back any further sobs.

“i don’t want you to get over me, y/n. is that selfish?” he says in almost a whisper. “you already know what i’m going to say to that.”

“then don’t say anything, please. this time apart has only made me miss you more. it made me realize how much i need you in my life.” his hand grabs yours, the gentle touch you used to love felt invalidating on your skin. “why won’t you let me go? why do you have to show up when i was finally starting to be happy again?” you sniffle, letting his free hand wipe away your tears. “because we still have so much ahead of us if you let me back in, if not as a lover, as friend.” “there’s no reason in convincing me that we could ever exist again, riwoo. not even as a friend. we both know we’ll prevent eachother from falling in love with anyone but one another.”

“and why can’t we just let that happen?”

“because i want to move on. i think it’s better for the both of us.” you affirmed, removing his hands off of you. “i think you need to leave now, riwoo.” a breath escaped your mouth that you didn’t know you were holding in as you walked away from him. there wasn’t any movement behind you for a moment. you almost wanted to turn back and tell him not to move. but you couldn’t. riwoo stood up from your couch and walked to the door, in which now had a box of some of his leftover things. but before he picked it up, he turned around to face you for the last time. the sadness on both of your faces probably should’ve told you guys that maybe you should try again. “i’m sorry things ended up this way, my love.” he held his head low, before you wrapped yourself around his torso. “don’t call me that, this is hard enough.” your words come out muffled into his chest. “can we stay like this for a little, then? for the last time.” he asked quietly, as you hum in return. he returned your hug, a sob threatening to escape from his throat at the thought of having to eventually let you go. you tilted your head up too see him. he looked weary, eye bags hardly peeking underneath his waterline. yet they were visible enough to make you frown. this was all his fault, but you felt bad. and though part of your heart died that day, it still beat for him.

“will you let me kiss you, y/n?” he looks down at you, helpless.

you barely nod before warmth spreads across your lips. it was intimate, his own chasing after yours. something that used to be rewarded to you after a long day. something that used to comfort you when life wasn’t going good. something that gave you butterflies. something that you would never feel ever again.

it ended as soon as it began, and he finally pulled away from you to grab the abandoned box in the floor. when he started to leave everything became blurry. “i’ll always love you, y/n.” with that, he became a distant memory.

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