#But we are arab our nicknames are always weird

[janjoona-almajnoona]

Listen I go by a nickname online (the first half of my username handle), and thats alright because stranger danger or whatever, like i dont want to dox myself online. HOWEVER if i get called janjoona or any other nickname by anyone irl i will actually combust. Like my parents id let it slide, my youngwr brother sure whatever. But anyone else and im throwing hands.

That is not my name, I told you what my name is *use* it. This goes to everyone I meet as well. I will use whatever name you introduced yourself to me with or told me you want to be called by.

[taminoarticles]

— Tamino for Milk.xyz, 2019 (x) (x)

Exploring Intentionality With Tamino

For this Belgian-born musician, every word counts.

10.1.2019 By Ella Jayes Photos by Dana Boulos

Tamino’s first New York show is sold out, and the crowd is enraptured. Throughout the performance, the audience seeks to establish a connection with the towering 22-year-old dressed in black. At every bout of silence, they ask questions, they request songs. “Play ‘Crocodile’!” one fan screams, and though he’s about to start another piece, Tamino switches chords and bends to our will. “I didn’t know that worked,” a surprised fan replies.

When he’s not touring with Radiohead’s Colin Greenwood, playing with the Nagham Zirkayat Orchestra or being personally requested to perform with Lana Del Rey, it’s just Tamino-Amir Moharam Fouad and his instruments.

When asked which guitar is his favorite, he answers like a proud father, “I can’t pick,” as he slings a black electric over his shoulder and secretly whispers “this one,” before heading into another song. Skipping octaves, his voice is like velvet, passing through Arabic vocal and tonal inflections.

Music is in the blood for the Belgian-born artist; with a name inspired by the prince of Mozart’s “The Magic Flute,” and a revered Egyptian grandfather nicknamed “The Sound of the Nile,” Tamino was born into music.

Before his show at National Sawdust and as he gears up to release the deluxe version of his debut album Amir [out October 18th via Arts & Crafts], we met Tamino at his hotel in Brooklyn. Just a day before the passing of Daniel Johnston, we spoke about the importance of authenticity in songwriting. We explored Tamino’s lyrical journey and the meaning behind his newest singles. It’s striking how thoughtful and specific he is with his words – in both his work and his spoken language.

So you have your show in New York tomorrow, you’ll be touring in the US and Canada, then you go into the Middle East, North Africa, and then the EU — you were also on tour at the beginning of the year as well. How are you faring with being on the road so much?

I’m very lucky because I have an amazing crew: my sound guy, my tour manager, if we’re with the band, we have a slightly bigger crew, we have two musicians and a backliner, and light guy [sic]. They’re all good guys; without them, I wouldn’t be able to bear it, I think.

I like being home; I like to be alone, and I like to write and work on music. So being away from that is sometimes hard. The good thing, and also, the kind of weird thing about playing shows is that you’re kind of dedicating your life to that: being on the road. You travel the whole day and then in the evening, you have your show. It all comes down to that. You have to make it work because otherwise it’s been for nothing, you know? You kind of push all of your energy into that, and you receive a lot of energy back from the crowd, which is what keeps you going, I guess; that interaction, the energy.

How do you recalibrate before getting on stage? How do you get in the correct mindset?

I do like to warm up my voice. I think that’s something that’s important. It’s good to get into the right mindset, and also to just get my body ready. Apart from that, I think am [sic] somebody who does well with routine, but right now I don’t really have one. When we tour, it’s not like we have the same production each evening. It’s like, “Oh, now we’re playing for 200 people...Oh, now we’re playing for thousands of people.” It’s always different from each other. Also backstage, it’s always different, so it’s difficult to maintain a routine. But I think maybe in the future, meditation would be nice, or just something to get me in the moment.

I must say I’m doing better and better on stage, in terms of being there, and not being stuck in thought. I did have trouble with that in the beginning; sometimes I was just thinking about stuff.

Like what?

Stupid stuff like tasks I had to do; nothing that has anything to do with the show. Hesitations like, “I wonder if the crowd is liking this or..” just stuff you shouldn’t be thinking about while you’re performing.

Lately, when I’m on the stage, I really feel like it’s not that much of a problem anymore. I can just let go. Those are the most beautiful moments, when you are really led by your own music; you just feel that the crowd is reacting to that, and I really like that; it’s something I���m always after. It’s kind of a transcendence feeling. If it works, it’s better than meditation, for me. My whole evening is different after that.

It makes sense, you’re fully in the present.

One of the main aspects of music is connecting with other people. Is there a specific crowd that really resonated with you? Or a specific fan, or show? I’m sure that they’re all great, but if there’s, one that comes to mind…

They’re all great, yeah, that’s the diplomatic answer. It depends, probably some cultures are more keen to show emotion.

What differences have you noticed between the crowds?

In Italy, they are very enthusiastic, but they are very respectful at the same time. It’s very special, they will be quiet for the whole song, and then they will want to shout, and they will throw roses at you, or whatever. It’s very romantic, the French are like that as well. In America, I feel actually very welcomed. It’s very inviting here, I don’t know how else to put it. I have the feeling, maybe I’m wrong about that, but as a European, it is like the new world, you know? And so many people move here. Of course, it was all a very long time ago, but people are still moving here. There are so many cultures coming together, and that’s why the crowd is very receiving. They’re open for other cultures; let’s say, it’s not an island.

I haven’t had many bad experiences, to be honest. I think I’ve been very lucky so far. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had a worldwide hit song or something like that. I think that’s the moment where you get crowds that are only there for that one song. And so far, I think I’ve always had crowds who have really invested in music. They’re there with a purpose, they want to experience something. Until I have this hit song, I don’t know if I’ll ever have one...I don’t know if I ever want one, to be honest, because of that reason...but until that time comes, I think I will always have good experiences.

What’s the first thing that you want to do when you’re done touring in December?

I’m moving to a new house. I feel like I just want to decorate the place. It’s the first time I will be really designing what it looks like. It’s in this very multicultural area, a lot of Arabic families live there, but lately, a lot of other Belgian families have been moving there. It’s kind of becoming this nice clash of cultures, and I like that. It feels like it’s a vibrant place.

Antwerp is very, very small. You can cross one corner, and then you are in a totally different area. It’s this very small area of a lot of cultures coming together and I really like that. I would say some parts are too gentrified, which wouldn’t have been a good place to go and live for me. It doesn’t really inspire, it’s not a vibrant place. It kind of feels boring.

In Belgium, lately, because it’s such a small country, it’s not difficult to become known, so they recognize me, or whatever. It’s not like they bother me, but I prefer to…

Just go about your day.

Yeah.

What are your inspirations for your new place? What do you like?

So many things, I know this designer he’s called Jan Jan Van Essche. He is really, really cool Of course his clothes, I love; I wear a lot of what he does. But the way he decorated his shop, and his office where he works and where he draws, it’s so beautiful. It’s a mix of, say a lot of different ethnical inspirations coming together with kind of a roughness, a bit more industrial. But very humble. It’s a very humble appearance. It’s not too over the top.

You have two new songs, “Crocodile” and “Every Pore,” but only the former is out at the moment...do you want to talk about them?

The second one’s out next month. They’re both quite old songs. So when I chose to record for my album, I had a lot of songs, and I chose these possible candidates for the record. Those two made it to the last 15-16 songs I would say. But then, in the end, they fell out. When I listened to them again, and sometimes I played them live, I always had a good reaction on the songs.

I really like them, I just think they’re true B-Sides; they are kind of odd songs in comparison to the other ones. I really felt like I wanted to release them anyway, so with the deluxe version, I felt that was a really good opportunity. With the song we just released, “Crocodile,” for me it was very weird listening back to the song. I wrote it so many years ago, and it kind of perfectly talks about the situation I’m in right now, not literally. You have this crocodile, and he looks at the songbird and offers the metaphor. Crocodile could be the person that has yet to be awakened, and the songbird is what he could be.

I guess any artist goes through that; you see a version of yourself, you want to strive forward, but you also know everything that comes with that because of history, because of stories you’ve heard so many times. And you know that there is a truth in those stories because they happen over, and over, and over, and it can happen to you as well.

I read in another interview that you said “Someone can play three chords or maybe even one chord and move me. It’s because of the person that plays it, and how they play it.” When’s the last time that happened to you?

Let me check my Spotify because I always forget whatever I’ve been listening to lately.

Okay, my daily mixes are the singer- songwriters from America, the new ones, the ones who are still alive. Then, the ones who are a bit older, or dead. And then Arabic music. The more Alternative stuff, some Hip-Hop, all kinds of stuff.

Do you know The Disintegration Loops by William Basinski? It’s crazy. So he has tapes of existing music, and he manipulates them. But this one was broken, and it just kept on looping, and every time it looped, it got more broken. During this session, 9/11 happened. So he was looking, out and the album cover is a photo from where he was working.

It’s the same thing over and over, but it moves me like crazy. Do you know Daniel Johnston? I think what’s so cool is that he’s not a virtuoso, but he moves me more than 99% of all virtuosos.

He’s authentic.

Yeah, he’s authentic...how do you say it? We say, he has (literally translated) “saying power,” power in what he says... His songs are beautiful, the lyrics are heartbreaking…

What are you reading right now?

I just started A Brave New World which is cool. I think he was really young when he wrote it, it’s just insane to realize he wrote it then. It’s so accurate. If there were people who wanted to create this Utopian society where everything is perfect, it would be like that. I haven’t read 1984 though which is similar I think.

Your writing is very rooted in emotion. I’m assuming it could be cathartic to perform, but I’m wondering if there’s ever been a moment where it felt like too much.

I’m not sure. I don’t think so, actually. Maybe like once or twice, it’s usually when you just finished writing a song, and you perform it for the first time, that’s usually a very special moment. I don’t really feel like it’s ever too much though, that I can’t play it.

I feel like there is also a certain sense of letting go once you’ve performed it. Once you’re ready to release it to the world, you’ve almost come to terms with whatever you were writing about.

Absolutely, that’s true. You realize it’s not yours anymore. Have you listened to Mount Eerie’s record, A Crow Looked at Me? He had a child with his wife, and then his wife died. It’s really, really terrible. That record is really beautiful. I’ve never seen a concert of his, but he did this concert in the Netherlands once in a church, and that was so emotional for everyone there, apparently. If I listen to that record, I’m always wondering, “Whoa, how does he do it?”

You’ve previously discussed the idea of letting go of performing the exact recording of your work, and moving more towards letting the music evolve through playing it. Has there ever been a time when you’ve wanted to change a lyric or something?

Of course, I mean, it’s actually funny because in the foreword of Brave New World, Aldous Huxley is talking about looking back at old work, and you, of course, want to change stuff, but that it’s also beautiful in a way, that you cannot.

And it’s this moment in time, where you were that person back then, and you were that kind of artist back then. I think some of the lyrics on my first record are very naive and very bold, in a way. Naive is kind of the more negative way of looking at it, and bold is the more positive way of looking at them.

Probably, I’m less naive in my songwriting right now, but I’m also less bold. That’s something that I feel right now, the older you get, the more you think; you have more in your archive, you overthink. But, I have no trouble performing those older songs. Even if I’m not very proud of certain lyrics, I still feel totally behind them. I’m still comfortable representing those songs. I stand behind them.

Because your words are so intentional, when you’re actually writing them, is there a revision process or do you just kind of get tapped into something and write?

I hope to just write, and then stuff happens. The lyrics, I go over and over it, until they are just right. So far I’ve written more out of music. So the music came first, and then the lyrics. I’ve done it the other way around as well, but I feel like those initial melodies and structures, they’re always the best when they just come out of this flow.

It’s like a gift, you just have to be open to receive it. I went to see Nick Cave, and he said such a beautiful thing. He said there’s no such thing as writer’s block; too many people think that there’s something inside of them that they need to get out, but it’s actually something that’s out there that needs to go through them.

If you are open for that, so if you try each day, then eventually those things will flow through you. Or maybe you’re in a certain moment in your life, where it’s not really going through you.

Last question – if music did not exist what would you do?

I wouldn’t know. I did acting and theatre when I was a kid. I really liked that, it was my first passion. I like writing as well. As long as I have a creative outlet, then it’s fine.

CREDITS

PHOTOGRAPHER: Dana Boulos

PRODUCER + EDITORIAL DIRECTOR: Ella Jayes

HAIR + MAKEUP: Heather Rose Harris PHOTO ASSISTANT: Henry Fey

Special Thanks to Studio Blackheart, Nicole Prokes, + Chris Swainston.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Thurs 4 Feb ‘21

Confirmation is here at last of Harry’s role in the film adaptation of My Policeman, brought to us by queer fave Greg Berlanti (and his husband). Harry will costar with Emma Corrin, who you may remember from the at the time inexplicable seeming Harry/Emma cross promo last August-- given the pains they took then to emphasize that the relationship was platonic, one assumes this film will go for a different promo tactic than the current one! They share a stylist though, so they’ll no doubt be beautifully coordinated. Harry will play Tom, which some people object to on the grounds that Harry is the wrong person to play the role of a closeted man which is certainly… one opinion. Aaaaand there’s plenty more of that discourse (and about him playing a policeman) to come over the coming months so I’ll just leave it there for now! Anyway and as for that current project, we got more DWD set pics today, featuring Harry in various costume outfits! There’s ones where his character looks bloodied, and ones where his character looks clean but absolutely terrifying, grown up frat boy from hell looks to give you CHILLS, plus some of Harry as Harry in a bright orange hoodie designed by his friend Kunichi Nomura.There was also {moustache spoilers} some weird facial hair on display. Okay then!

Project Defenseless has been launched to push Defenseless up in the streaming charts and push for radio play! The fan single project offers resources and organized pushes to get people streaming and promoting on all the platforms and reaching out to radio, and has fans making lots of very cool edits besides! “I see what you’re doing with defenseless! You are all incredible!” said Louis. That song is such a fitting choice for this kind of project! Its journey has been all about the fan response from back when Louis played it for us for the very first time in 2019 (it was the one everyone was screaming about from soundcheck clips for the few hours between that and hearing the songs for real even) and afterwards he told us about how although he’d always liked the song it clicked for him in a new way after getting the fan reaction, saying “something happened to it when I performed it live, and ever since then it really kind of got me,” and “the fans make everything sound amazing, they made it sound so good,” and “the fans for whatever reason really took to this song, so now it has a special place in me heart definitely”. Plus of course there was the long saga of fan stress when it seemed like it might not be on the album and rejoicing when Louis finally definitively confirmed that it would be, after what seemed like might have been a reversal on his part due to the outcry about it. And now she’s climbing all kinds of charts like a the star she is! The song shot up on itunes (#3 worldwide, #1 in 16 countries) just for starters and the project has only just got going. Louis commented on the stats-- “An album track off an album that’s a year old. You lot blow my fucking mind! Thank you so much!”

Louis also commented on a Jack Saunders (BBC indie music DJ) tweet and followed guitarist Johnny Took of the DMAs on twitter which is weird only in that he didn’t already.

There’s news about Zayn’s Zach Sang interview, and it’s not the most surprising news but it is very sad; Zach says “hi beautiful humans, this convo was scheduled for last week but we got a rain check from his team. this conversation can still happen, it ain’t over yet! we’ll keep ya in the loop. I listened to this album 7 times! we’re determined” Well... damn. However Zayn DID pop up with some spon-content but like… the WEIRDEST ad content?? It’s for Coors Light and, well I’ll let Zayn tell you about it! “They’re gonna see if they can put a commercial inside your dreams... which is kind of messed up.” HAHAHAHA I have nothing to add! What Zayn said!!! “So we’re gonna give that a go and uh see if it works,” he says, sounding appropriately skeptical, followed by “wish me luck”. Does this kind of sponcon count as malicious compliance? Technically he DID say the stuff he was supposed to- and he’s doing an instagram live for them Sat, supposedly. I can’t wait to see how that goes! Wish him luck! The latest installment of the NIL comic book video series is also out today, but just one this time instead of a pair. This week’s song is Connexion and the new comic shows us that the figure pursuing our hero is, drumroll-- himself! The call is coming from inside the house!

Unlike interview shy Zayn, however, Gigi is out there ready to overshare, as long as it’s to Vogue. She has plenty to say about giving birth to zaby Khai (newly revealed nickname: Khaiba) at home at the Pennsylvania farm. The article says that they decided to have the birth at home due to COVID placing restrictions on hospital births that would have prevented Bella and Zayn and Yolanda all being present, and after she and Zayn watched the documentary The Business of Being Born. “They placed a blow-up bath in their bedroom and sent their three cats and border collie away when the midwife expressed concern that the sphynx and Maine coon felines might puncture the tub with their claws,” the interviewer learns while horseback riding with Gigi. The article also says Zayn “caught the baby” but it isn’t a direct quote from Gigi and I’m thinking a bit of an exaggeration perhaps. Gigi had the baby at the Hadid family farm but she and Zayn have since relocated to live at his farm, which is nearby, where they say they will be raising the child, with Z’s mom Trisha coming to stay to help out for the first month, that Khai sleeps with them, and that Zayn said his experience of the whole thing reminded him of the birth in a lion documentary they’d watched. Neither mentioned it but it has been spotted that Gigi and Zayn each now have tattoos of the name, Khai, in Arabic.

Meanwhile, Niall surfaced only in golf guy mode- a Modest Golf announcement and a podcast appearance to promote the new Modest initiative to get young people into playing golf. He says they want to “get rid of that thing that’s been holding golf back for a long time, that it’s a boring sport…” and I know he means he’s trying to combat that idea but when I tell you I LAUGHED!

[emerald-studies]

Diverse Perspectives | Discussion 2

I talked with @a-sucker-for-rosalie for her perspective as an Indian-American, Muslim woman and who is also the daughter of immigrants.

*Tumblr deleted this post AGAIN when I tired to post this, so again sorry for the mistakes*

[ It is required to participate and watch/read these discussions, in order to follow me. Participate or get tf out. We aren’t performative in my lil’ area on Tumblr.

This discussion isn’t representative of an entire population or meant to be super professional. It’s to share different perspectives and also is an opportunity for me to practice what I preach: intersectionality. If you’d like to participate in this series please send me a pm or an ask and I’ll get back to you ASAP. We can do a written, audio, or video interview.]

Faith: Ok, now...

A /@a-sucker-for-rosalie : Hi, my blog is @a-sucker-for-rosalie and my main blog is @theawkwardmuslimgirl, I’m a 24 yo Muslim woman from the United States and this is my story.

F: *laughs* Good job!

Have you felt an urge to assimilate by anyone in your life, or society in general?

A: Yeah absolutely, I think one of the biggest things for me has been my name I have an Arabic name, it’s something that’s been difficult for people to pronounce over the years, even my coworkers and some people in my family don’t say it properly and I’ve gone back and forth between absolutely hating my name and trying to whitewash it. Telling people to call me AJ or give me a nickname whatever they can think of or shortening it somehow. And then at some point when I reached college, and I kind of started to understand myself a lot better, I was like “Wait a minute, no...I love my name. My Grandmother who I’m so close to, or was before she passed away, she named me.” and it just became this big thing for me where my name was important to me and it was representative of my culture and my religion and yeah I’ve gone back and forth on that but I’ve kinda settled into, I like my name I’m not going to do nicknames anymore, ya know...if someone at least tries to make an effort to pronounce it properly, that's good enough for me right now. But I'm done hating that part of myself.

F: Right. And I think it's a kind of on other people to, just not make a big deal about it. If it's a cool, it's a cool name like then just say it's a cool name. You don't have to, like, drag out that whole conversation about “Oh, how do you pronounce it syllable by syllable by syllable?” Like, I mean, unless you (A ) want to, but like, I know, I've had friends that like I've encountered other people and they, they like kind of pick it apart and be like, “Oh, that sounds weird”. And it's just like,

A: Mm hmm.

F: So like, what? yourself yours sounds really basic, Claire. That also reminds me of Hasan Minhaj on Ellen, when Ellen pronounced his name wrong. And that was a whole thing, but it was like it just really makes you think like you can pronounce Timothée Chalamet Why can't you make an effort to pronounce someone else's name accurately?

A: Yeah, exactly. And my whole thing for a while, it's just like, I'm saying my name for you before you even see it spelled--

F:*laughs*

A: --you should be able to say it back to me, like you're purposely--You've never heard it before, and you're purposely making it harder for yourself.

F: That’s so accurate, you do Introduce yourself. So, yeah, that’s ridiculous. 

As a child of immigrants, how is the anti immigrant talking point affected your mental health?

A: Um, I mean, I'm pretty white passing. And as a Muslim, I don't wear hijab at the moment. So on a personal level, like out in every day, I don't feel that. But then, you know, when Trump was running for president, and things like that, and there is all this, people were half joking that he was going to put Muslim people in concentration camps or something. And then the Muslim ban happen with travel. I think that was very painful to experience. I mean, it's definitely come and gone. It's not a constant thing. Like, I don't feel oppressed or as targeted as say, like, Black people or even like, Mexican immigrants or anything like that. But it definitely has. When it's come up again, it's difficult to deal with and it's hurtful and then you do go through all those emotions of questioning. “Okay, so like people are cool to my face, but when it comes down to it, who's gonna protect me or who secretly doesn't like my people?” You know,

F: Right. Yeah. Because all that has shifted, you know, like, people are hiding their ignorance. Trying to rationalize it now, so you never really know, is on your side. I think it's just like so scary.

A: And there’s people are like, “Oh, you're cool, but you know, the other people.” It's like, ummmm

F: I've heard someone say “You're like a good Black.”. Like,

A: Yeah, that's not cool.

F: Would you say like, do you just....I don't know, like, everyone is good in some way, I believe, like, deep down somewhere or they were good, and then they were just corrupted. So,

A: Yeah, I mean, I know people probably don't mean harm by saying that. And like, it’s just like, dude, educate yourself.

F:  I mean, personally, I do think them by not meaning any harm, but saying it anyways makes it harmful.  

A: Yeah, sure.

F: I mean, them kind of knowing that they're talking about something that they don't really know about. I think that's me. That's just me.

A: But no, you're right. I think there's a weird thing. I mean, when, when the whole protests started, and this Black lives matter thing, just in the past couple months got really big. There were all these white people on social media posting about, “I had no idea that Black people go through this!” and like, “I'm starting to really look at my privilege as a white person”. And I was like, okay, so many people really don't know what's going on. And on the one hand, I don't think they're bad people. And I know they don't mean it the way it comes across. So I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Like a lot of times it is just the lack of education on their part. Yeah, like I try. I try not to hate on people or like, call them out on that stuff. It's just like, Okay, here’s how you should actually approach this....

F: It's funny the way you put that

A: Like, like white women checking their privilege on Instagram was like, blowing my mind.

F: Oh, yeah. Not No. Yeah, Emma Emma Watson like, posting those black squares but cropping them so they fit her aesthetic.

A: Ah, God.

F: Yeah. And like, I have seen stuff like that, like, “Oh, I know about this” or, um, and it's, but, you know, the first wave really wasn't like 2014/2015 (of BLM)

A: Yeah.

F: And I remember because I was 14 or 15. So like if I was 14, and like, all these older people are like, “Oh, I know....” I'm like, Well, if I know Yeah,

A: What were you doing this whole time?

F: those women crack me up. 

A: They crack me up too

F: Yeah, they're just discovering this like new like, essential oil.

A: Yeah, it's exactly like that.

You've lived in India for a year--Did you experience a culture shock or did you feel a sense of belonging?

A: Oh, absolutely. I don't think I've ever felt like such an outcast before. A lot of it was I didn't speak the language. My mom's parents when she was a year old, they moved to Canada and they didn't teach her our mother tongue either. Because they were kind of hell bent on their kids assimilating into Canadian culture, and fitting in with the white people. They didn't want them to be outcasts there either. I remember my mom telling me she was the only kid in her school and Black parents. Yeah, it was very, very white. And then, you know, I was the only kid in my Indian School who didn't speak the language. They spoke English at the school. So it wasn't that bad, but I think I definitely did stand out. As an American person. I was just talking to my sister last night. She's like, yeah, yeah. I told them. We live in California. And they're like, Oh, do you know Jennifer Lopez? I don't know.

F: You that's so fair, though. We give like Yeah, you do that to each other. Like, if you hear someone lives in____, like you're like, oh, have you seen a _____ out and about?

A: Yeah, I don't know. I think definitely It was early 2000s. Two. So there was sort of it was a different time. You can say stuff like that. Like we didn't, there was no social media or anything. So you don't really understand how other people live. Just what you see on TV.

F: I do you really regret not being taught your...[mother tounge]?

A: Yeah, I do wish I learned it. Um, I do want to try to pick it up. I know, in adulthood, that's a lot harder. But my cousins have picked it back up again. So I feel like I definitely could. It's not like I don't want to turn it into a “whoa is me” kind of thing because all my grandparents spoke fluent English. It was never a problem.

F: Mm hmm.

A: I think it's more of a retaining culture thing, but I don't think I would ever go back to India at this point, just because of the political climate there. There is a lot happening between Hindus and Muslims and just, it's not safe. And I don't know if I would ever make that journey again. As a non-tourist.

There have been many terrorist attacks against your community, how do you manage the pain of people viewing terrorism against your culture versus, like viewing it differently than 9/11? or other terrorist attacks against white people? Or largely white populations?

A: Also, good question. Um, I don't know, I feel like growing up as a Muslim, you've always kind of had this thing in your head that you are the other. And you're different from people. And I was think I was four or five when 9/11 happened. So I grew up with that feeling. It's not, I don't know any different. So it is this kind of thing of like, okay, I do understand that a large group of people hate us and we are targeted sometimes. But I think just like reaching back to my community and like looking back at my religion and like spiritual stuff kind of helps me like that.

F: Have you experienced your friends viewing it differently? Like holding other terrorist attacks in like a grander I don't know how to phrase this--

A: I think I get what you're saying. Like, like they think it's worse when it happens to white people. 

F: Yeah cuz I've had friends that did stuff like that that would say like, you know like even America in general just like we paused in my online school one time for like five years minutes for 9/11 I'm like, Okay. Um, that's, that's great. Um, are we going to do that with like, I would have, I mean, not to say “all terrorist actions matter”, Yeah. It's such a huge thing. And then I'm like, okay, but are we going to tie that to what America has done in the Middle East? Like, I mean,

A: I'm very lucky that my friend group has always been very diverse. And they open and likes to talk about the news and keep up with those kind of stuff. I mean, my best friends are like an Indian Hindu and like a Catholic, Korean. Like, we're all over the place of that stuff, to kind of understand each other in that sense. So I've never had that problem for I feel other defy my friends in that way. And also As an ethnic person, I do tend to look for friends who are also in some sort of minority, just like as a comfort thing.

F: Mm hmm.

A: So I'm very blessed that I haven't had to, like unfriend people over things like that.

F: That's amazing. I'm glad you have that support. And your discussions must be very interesting.

A: Oh they’re great, we have great discussions.

How do you see yourself in your country?

A: I know it's like, trendy to be like, “I hate America. This place sucks”. Especially like as a woman as an immigrant as a minority. Like I, I, I recognize how blessed I am to be here and have the opportunities that I've had because my parents immigrated, and because this country does allow us so much freedom. I do think sometimes I question my place here. But for the most part, like, I don't want to say it's great, but like, I, I know what I have and I value it. I don't take it for granted.

F: Yeah, that's a good way to put it.

Do you think that public figures are afraid to voice their support for the Muslim community?

A: Some of them Yes. I can't think of off the top of my head who said what about what but I do, just like with influencers and stuff, like the Christchurch mosque shooting, a lot of people were silent about that. And that was very painful to see. But I don't know I feel like it's just it's something I expect at this point. Like, I never expect anybody to stick up for us. But when I see it, it definitely is nice. Like, I remember Kylie Jenner's but something when that happen, and I was like, “Oh, God bless you, thank God”. Someone said something. I think Kim Kardashian and I think Kourtney or Khloe might not have said something. And I was like, “Huh.” Like, I don't know, it's just like, you have to wonder where everybody's loyalty lies and like, do you have something against Muslims? 50 people just died for no reason while they were peacefully praying, like, is that not something? But then, like, I don't know. It's the whole thing of like, influencers saying they don't want to be “political”, which I used to understand. And at this point, you cannot not be political because it's just it's such a big part of Life at this point, and if you're not political, I don't know if you're aligned with Trump, or like your low key racist or what..so you saying nothing says something, you know?

F: Yeah, I totally agree. I think that says so much when you look at a person and what they talk about, but it says so much more what they don't talk about, ] I think--and like there are a lot of things to talk about To be fair, but when you look at current events, and tying what they're not talking about, to the present day, like in this moment, then that says so much and I'm sorry that more people didn't say anything about shooting that was just atrocious. Like, I mean, I didn't have social media than I would’ve said something.---

A: So I got up that morning and cried so hard. Just I was like, I mean, I don't need influencers to like, be pseudo activists or anything, but once in a while just remind your audience what you're aligned with. I feel like that's very important.

F: Yeah, yeah. I think that's so yeah, that's so fair because you may like have someone who is racist or like anti-Semitic or like any...homophobic in your follows and, like, if you don't talk about something, if you don't say, “Oh, we support blank here, get out if you don't”, or if you don't talk about frequently enough. I feel like those types of people can like, I don't know, hide themselves. I think, that's scary. Um, And I'm so sorry that you had to go through that type of feeling where you don't feel that enough people were talking about that tragic, tragic event. And I hope it never happens again, it should have happened in the first place.

Do you feel that you were the face of your religion and race when you lived in a very white area?

A: Um, like I said, I'm white passing. So no. And when I when I lived in those areas, I was very, very young. So it wasn't even an opportunity for me to even fully understand that my place as a Indian person or a Muslim person, but I definitely did not connect or relate to the white people. They're like it when you're young. You know, you're different. You just can't figure out how yet.

F: Hmm, that's a good way to put it. Yeah.

Is there a bigger divide between the young population and the older population in your culture versus the young white population? And the older white population?

A: Yeah, I think there is. That's a great question. Um, I think it just in that move from India, or any you know, you see this with most immigrants, no matter where they're from, but coming from your the motherland to the west. It's just the culture shock. I mean, with young people, so they want to assimilate. I see that with my peers a lot. They're just very desperate to fit in. They want the American culture they want to behave like white people. Go smoking and drinking and dating and whatever, things that aren't necessarily a part of our culture. But yeah, there's there's a lot of people trying to blend in. And I see a lot of brown people who were Indian when it's convenient, like on Instagram. It's like, “Ooooh, I'm Ethnic”, and then the other six days a week, and they're white. You know?

F: *laughs* Yes, I do. Like, that reminds me of like Halsey who brings out the fact that she's Black(?) when necessary.

A: I mean, like, I get it. There is a struggle there being white passing and still trying to be like, “Hey, I'm here.” Part of this culture and experience in some way or another in like you do feel like you have to prove that. And also, like, as a white passing person, I do feel like I haven't had a lot of experience that feels like a universal experience for other brown people. Like I don't get targeted like that I wasn't bullied for being brown or my skin or my hair or whatever, or my accent. So there is kind of this weird lack of camaraderie because you're not visibly part of your community sometimes. So I kind of understand where she's coming from. But when she uses it as a tool, it's like--

F: Yeah, like, Yeah, exactly. Like if you are using your platform to share voices that have had that experience. Like that's a totally other thing. Yeah, when you pull it out to complain about shampoo at a hotel Yeah, no, it doesn't suit curly hair of shampoo.

A: Who doesn’t bring shampoo?

*laughs*

What do you think about the hard working immigrant stereotype?

A: Um, because, like coming from an Asian background, you do have the people who did were the parents and grandparents who pull themselves up by the bootstraps and actually did work very, very hard to get their kids and grandkids where they are. But at the same time, I think both my parents came from like a generally privileged or like, middle class background. Like, my parents have degrees and my dad always had a job and he had his own apartment and cars stuff there wasn't that sort of struggle with us. I don't think it's not necessarily a universal experience. I do think Asian people need to check their privilege on that one like a lot of us, and we did not have that struggle.

F: Interesting. And this is a final question:

You've lived in diverse areas and very white areas, which area has affected you more?

F: ...although you said that you were in the white areas when you were younger.

A: So I think that definitely did have an effect on me. I think less so in terms of my culture, but more so just as a human being and how I tend to treat myself or treat other people as an adult, and even in school, like I know how it feels to be the outcast, and I know what it feels like to not fit in. So I think in that sense, it's just really shaped my worldview, like being kind to other people and them how I want to treat other people and identifying in other minority groups. How they feel other-ed.

F: Hmm, yeah, using that for good. Mm hmm. Yeah. 

A: Really shaping my own understanding. 

F: Yeah. That's amazing. Um, thank you for doing this.

A: Absolutely. Thank you for interviewing me. I appreciate it.

F: Anytime. If you want to come back anytime I can make more questions. I will stop the recording so we can talk a little bit privately. And thank you again.

Let’s have a discussion! Did you learn anything new from this conversation?

Let me know here.

-

To close out each post, I’d like to write a lil’ paragraph about the person I talk with:

Even though our talk was shorter than others I’ve had in this series, I could tell just how sweet A is. Her voice made me smile constantly throughout our chat. I’m appalled that she, and her community as a whole, have been subjected to the horrors of mankind that often are brushed off or ignored. Her strength and positivity are inspirational for me. I’m once again blessed that she took the time to chat with me. A was also another person who was there for me (sending love to the egg gang, again) and I’m so lucky to have such marvelous people as friends/supporters. A, if you ever need anything I’m sooo here for you.

You’re a sensational person.

-Faithxx

[purplesurveys]

777

do you think weird it's for someone to have never tried soda? I’d be surprised that they were never curious enough to try it if they can access soda, but then again I live in a third world country and not everyone gets to try everything. I’ve learned to judge less when it comes to opportunities like this. is there any foreign film you recommend? Portrait of a Lady on Fire was fucking intense and so, so so good. do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents? My dad might also be atheist, but I’ve never known for sure. He once confided in me that he was atheist in college but “it changed” when he met my mom... but honestly we’ve always grunted the same way whenever my mom tells us it’s time to pray or if we have to watch our weekly mass livestream. So idk. I think he just acts Catholic to appease her, but yeah he’s definitely weird about it. which floor of your house/building are you on now? Second floor. It’s my first time to want to hang out in my bedroom in months because IT’S ACTUALLY RAINING and it’s cold enough in my room to wanna stay here. are there any maps hanging in your room? No maps here.

are you often a third wheel? or is someone a third wheel to you? Yep I third wheel pretty often. My girlfriend and I study in different schools and I have friends in my school who are couples, so if Gab isn’t visiting my campus for the day I just tag along with my couple friends. I don’t get bothered or feel insecure by it because I have my own relationship lolol what's the last dvd you bought? Holy shit...DVD? I don’t even remember anymore. It was most likely an Audrey Hepburn film, back in 2013 when I was really into her. That or Beyoncé’s Life Is But A Dream documentary, which was the last thing she ever released on DVD. Also came out in 2013. tell me about your favorite pair of jeans. High-waisted 90s-styled jeans. Nothing much to say other than they fit me well, I got a lot of compliments whenever I have them on, and they match any t-shirt I paired with, which made me like wearing t-shirts again haha. would you ride a motorcycle if given the chance? (or have you?) I would but only if someone super experienced was driving. I haven’t been on one because my parents don’t allow me to, and tbh I don’t mind the rule because I’m mostly scared of motorcycles anyway. is your hair healthy? No. Some hair salon I went to around ten years ago put some cheap products in my hair when I had it rebonded and it never felt 100% healthy again. Until today it gets very stiff when it gets into contact with water and only shampoo, and I always have to pair it with conditioner. if a hotel offered free breakfast in bed, what would you order? Eggs Benedict and some very creamy warm coffee. how often do you take a train? Never. I don’t trust the public transport here and I’m better off driving in my own car. what are your thoughts on reincarnation? (have you ever read up about it?) I don’t think of it at all because I don’t believe in it. I don’t mind others who are into it, just don’t shove it down my throat.  what's your favorite led zeppelin song? I don’t have one. does your home have a balcony/deck/porch? Yeah we have a balcony. We used to have a full balcony, but we transformed 3/4 of it into my brother’s current room a few years ago because he was starting to grow up and he needed his own room. We retained 1/4 of the space so that it can be the place where my dog can still do his business. what does your closet/wardrobe say about you? It says I am a very messy person who can’t keep her closet consistently organized lol. It will also tell you I’m quite girly based on the clothes I own. do you enjoy theatre? I was never a fan. how would you feel about traveling abroad alone? If I was offered the chance to do it I certainly wouldn’t give it up, but I really, really, preferably would travel with at least one companion. Traveling is one of those experiences I’d want to share with someone, and I would hate if I had to go back to my hotel room at the end of the day with no one to talk to. who would you call a lyrical genius? Laura Jane Grace. how do you treat yourself? My go-to gift for myself is giving into my cravings hahaha. Nothing speaks more to me than food, and if I feel like I deserve a reward for a job well done, I’ll go to a slightly more expensive restaurant to celebrate. do you have an interesting passport? Idk, it’s a normal one and I never had it customized or anything. are you going to pursue a career according to what you enjoy? I hope I get to. I really enjoyed my PR internship and I’d love to be headed there. what happens to your old clothes? They go to the very back or the very bottom of my wardrobe for the most part. My mom will make us throw out clothes we don’t like anymore once a year, so that’s the time I get to get rid of them. what's your favorite frozen treat? Cornetto ice cream is one of my faaaaavorite comfort snacks. The end of the cone where they save chocolate chunks is the best part. who supports you financially? My parents. Getting increasingly guiltier about it by the day, too. if you wanted to go to the movie cinema, how would you get there? I would wait for the clock to strike midnight tonight, because in 48 minutes they’ll finally loosen lockdown rules AND I CAN FINALLY GO OUT. Hahaha. After that I’ll jump to my car, drive out of the village, take a u-turn, and I’m there. how many pillows are on your bed? Two big ones. would you pay more for organic food? Only if I had the money for it. Organic food is a thing of the (very) privileged here and is not very accessible to begin with, unless you’re in posher grocieries. have you ever had a crush on a sibling's friend or a friend's sibling? I haven’t. I’d find it weird considering they’re all a bit younger than me. do you have a friend who mooches? what to do about it? (or is it you?) She’s never done it with me but I’ve heard enough horror stories about her to know that she tends to do this, but yeah Mils is apparently quite the moocher. I’m soooo not one; I’d wait for my friends to offer to pay for stuff, but otherwise I’m fighting them over the bill lmao. do you know much about feng shui? (do you use it?) I’m not knowledgeable on it but I’m definitely familiar with it, because we have a rather large Filipino-Chinese community/culture in the country that glorifies feng shui during Chinese New Year season. I don’t really have a choice but have Chinese culture shoved down my throat whether it’s in the news, the media, or my Chinese friends.  how would you make friends in a quiet class? I preferably wouldn’t because I’m only interested in getting good grades and getting that class over with hahaha. But if I was interested in making a friend or two, I’d typically scan the classroom and see who seems to be responsible? Like if they take notes as hard as I do. are you generally a quick learner? No. I take some time, and I especially take long if the thing being taught is more hands-on, like origami. I’ve just never been good at following certain tasks, and I prefer learning from reading instructions. what's your favorite spot to read? Skywalk or the dining table. has anyone given you a nickname you didn't like? (what was it?) Not that I can recall. I’m okay with all of them. did you know that buddha is not considered a god to buddhists? Yes. do you save tickets from movies, etc.? If it’s a significant enough date or event, sure. I’ve kept my 2018 Paramore gig ticket to this day, but like I’ve thrown out my ticket for Knives Out because I hated the movie lol. without looking him up, who was jim morrison? Vocalist for The Doors. when's the last time your bedroom was painted/wallpapered? Idk, 2006 or 2007 when the house was being made? It’s never been repainted. teach me something in another language. (not french/chinese/german/arabic) Why so language-ist lmaooooooo uh “Nakauwi ka na?” means “Did you get home? / Have you gotten home?” what type of body wash did you last use? Idk, I never read the labels on it actually. what type of music do you like and why? Right now I’m into lo-fi because it makes me feel relaxed, but I’m also starting to get into the recent trend where today’s artists put out songs that sound like they’re from the 80s, like Dua Lipa’s Physical or The Weeknd’s Blinding Lights - I think the genre is called synth pop/synthwave. They simply sound cool haha and they’re awesome to listen to while driving. if you randomly want to eat something in the house, do you eat it or wait? I check the time, like if we’re supposed to be having dinner soon, then act accordingly. who knows the most about you (besides yourself)? My girlfriend. do you have a nervous habit? (e.g. biting nails, tapping feet, smoking) Plucking eyebrow or eyelash hair, but that behavior is reserved for extreme cases where I’m incredibly and inconsolably anxious. On a milder day I would vape, sigh a lot, or bite my nails. how's your favorite pro sports team doing lately? I don’t watch sports with teams. would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? I don’t get into trouble but I’m not the best influence either.

[eldritchsurveys]

301.

do you think weird it’s for someone to have never tried soda? >> It’d be surprising, but not weird. They’re really not missing out on much, anyway. is there any foreign film you recommend? >> Amélie was pretty cute. do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents? >> --- which floor of your house/building are you on now? >> The third floor. are there any maps hanging in your room? >> No, but there’s a map of Kalos (from Pokemon X&Y) and a map of Skyrim in the hall.

what’s the last dvd you bought? >> I don’t remember. would you ride a motorcycle if given the chance? (or have you?) >> I’ve ridden on the backs of them many times. I don’t think I could much handle being the driver, though. is your hair healthy? >> I assume so. if a hotel offered free breakfast in bed, what would you order? >> I don’t want to eat my breakfast in bed. how often do you take a train? >> Almost never, now. :| what’s your favorite led zeppelin song? >> Babe I’m Gonna Leave You, probably. does your home have a balcony/deck/porch? >> This apartment has a small balcony. what does your closet/wardrobe say about you? >> I’d guess it says that I like graphic tees and the colour black. do you enjoy theatre? >> Yeah. how would you feel about traveling abroad alone? >> I would prefer it, probably. who would you call a lyrical genius? >> I think Dani Filth and whoever else writes with him writes some pretty clever lyrics. There’s a lot of wordplay and shit in them (I seem to remember reading once that he was an English major, but don’t quote me), and a lot of mythological and historical references. do you have an interesting passport? >> I don’t have one at all. are you going to pursue a career according to what you enjoy? >> --- what happens to your old clothes? >> I always intend to donate them, but that only happens about half the time. The rest of the time they end up in the trash. what’s your favorite frozen treat? >> I guess frozen yoghurt, but I don’t really eat frozen stuff much. Too cold. who supports you financially? >> Our household is mutually supportive when it comes to finances. if you wanted to go to the cinema, how would you get there? >> I’d walk (there’s one a little over a mile away from me), or I’d take the bus if I wanted to go to one of the better ones (aka the ones that sell booze, lmao).  how many pillows are on your bed? >> Two, but I only sleep with one (I use the other one as an extra prop when I want to sit up in bed). would you pay more for organic food? >> Yeah, but my income kinda puts the kibosh on doing that too often. have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend or a friend’s sibling? >> --- do you prefer being awake after everyone goes to bed or before they get up? >> Either one is fine with me. do you know much about feng shui? (do you use it?) >> I don’t know anything about it aside from the most basic definition. how would you make friends in a quiet class? >> I mean, I don’t know. I’d just prefer to be in that class because it’s quiet, lol. If I happen to make friends along the way, that’s fine too. do you think everything is predetermined, or we have complete free will? >> I don’t have a belief one way or the other. No matter what I believed, it wouldn’t change my life, so I see no point in choosing sides. I think the ongoing debates are interesting, though. are you generally a quick learner? >> Generally, yeah. If I’m interested, particularly. what’s your favorite spot to read? >> In bed, or on a patio or something. has anyone given you a nickname you didn’t like? (what was it?) >> No. do you save tickets from movies, etc.? >> No. when’s the last time your bedroom was painted/wallpapered? >> ---

teach me something in another language. (not french/chinese/german/arabic): >> Meh. what type of music do you like and why? >> My music tastes are wildly variant, because that’s just how my mind works. if you randomly want to eat something in the house, do you eat it or wait? >> Er... usually I just eat it unless there’s some pressing reason why I shouldn’t. who knows the most about you (besides yourself)? >> Can Calah. do you have a nervous habit? (e.g. biting nails, tapping feet, smoking) >> I just have various habits, I don’t know if I’d call them “nervous” or not. I’m not always anxious when I do them, I just do them automatically when I’m idle -- like picking at my lips, which is obnoxious as fuck but I’ve been doing it all my life so it’s hard to stop, or various other fidgets. would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? >> ---

[shorilicious]

Sexy Zone - Angel or Devil!?

“Innocent days” is the new song that is featured on the drama “Miss Devil” starring Sato Shori.

Kento: Finally “InoDei” will be released!! Fuma: InoDei (laughing). I’d love people to appreciate InoDei with its PV. The PV is really good. Marius: It also shows the relationship of us five, it’s like a short drama. Fuma: It’s like... our good old innocent days. Young boys who leave the countryside to debut in Tokyo... Shori: In “Innocent days” the five of us create music together and so our story begins. Kento: Each one of us was able to act a half-fake story. Fuma: The scenery was beautiful as well.

“Innocent days” has a gentle melody and words with a deep meaning where the five members of Sexy Zone were able to act out their story.

Kento: Although it’s a fictional story, it’s similar to the five of us. Sou: When I first heard the five of us are going to be in a short movie like that, I was like MGK! Kento: Ma...Ji...Ka! (laughing) (t/n: that’s what Sou meant with MGK, majika means “really?!/seriously?”) Marius: At first it was challenging to act with the five of us but I was happy that I was actually able to experience that with everyone. Sou: Right! I have always wanted to act together. Since I’m the least experienced one when it comes to acting, I also studied a lot. Even though I was also embarrassed. Shori: It’s a PV but we also prepared our lines properly. Sou: For Shori it was difficult as well since there was a guitar scene. Because his role was to compose “Innocent days” on his guitar. Shori: Yeah, there was no guitar coach on the scene while filming (laughing). But I was optimistic and did it myself. Marius: While shooting, I was singing along to Shori’s guitar. We had a session together, it was fun. Shori: We also enjoyed the making of. Kento: It was a wonderful shooting. Sexy Zone turned into adults with their music as well...it was a feeling like that. Fuma: This time even with the coupling tracks you could feel these five people have grown up. Kento: All the coupling tracks are also really great songs. Fuma: That’s so true. I like “Twilight Sunset” the most. Kento: I feel like the emphasis on Marius’ voice is gradually getting stronger. Marius: Really? I’m glad~! Kento: Marius voice really came out!! In “Unstoppable” I really want to dance to it with all my might.

Sexy Zone who turned into adults even in their coupling tracks had a great lineup. Their presence in “Innocent days” shows their graceful and intimate friendship.

Kento: That’s right. We grew accustomed to each other. Marius: I think people who listen to it will feel each one of our different feelings in the lyrics. Shori: I think up until now this will become a song in which we want to remember many things! Kento: Right. I think I want to remember the pain of the past as well and cherish it.

Shori x Kento x Sou “Miss Devil” talk:

Shori: Regarding my role, since Tsubaki Mako-san is punishing bad people, I don’t like fighting in reality but (in the drama) we work together, so I wonder if I feel empathy like Saito Hiroshi does. Kento: Rather than that, I wonder if I can make him do those things. Now I can curse but I don’t know if I can have someone eat out of the palm of my hand. Shori: That’s amazing. I didn’t have such an idea. Sou: Since it’s not good to spoil he tries to be strong but when I succeed in a big job, he doesn’t have a devil’s face, he praises me with the face of an angel...! Shori: It’s good to look at things properly. Sou: Kenty is often like that. He gives me proper advices. If I do some extra moves during our choreography, he gives me a funny nickname like “Okaka” (laughing). (t/n: finely chopped bonito flakes) Kento: Right. Matsushima is already delicious with white rice only but he still adds some “okaka”. Since he includes weird arrangements in the choreography I tell him “Don’t put more okaka in here”. Shori: That’s a nice way of putting it. Sou: Right! When it comes to onigiri I like umeboshi in them but I got to like “okaka” as well. Shori: Sometimes strict instructions are important as well. Kento: Because my mother is totally like the devil, I’m used to scary women. Even now she often gets angry with me. When I tell a joke that isn’t funny she says “Huh? You’re plain boring”. Shori: Eeh, that’s scary (laughing). Kento: When it’s something funny I can really make her smile but other than during that time she is really too scary. But I think that it was thanks to my mother that now I grew into the person I am.

Fuma x Marius “Miss Devil” talk:

Fuma: Shori’s doM side in “Miss Devil” is quite nice...Marius said that even though he’s not watching it!? Marius: Right now, I’m resisting to watch any television that’s why. By the time it is released I will watch it all at once. Fuma: Mako-san is beautiful but she gives me the chills (laughing). Marius: Would you seriously obey her? Fuma: Maybe, but I have a rebellious spirit so (laughing). Marius: For me, I want to respect and follow her along. Fuma: I feel like Marius would say something like “Why are you doing such mean things!” (laughing). Marius: I will properly tell her my opinion. Fuma: With a close friend you can say things like “let’s solve that” but it’s better to reveal your real intentions. Marius: Probably. I think Fuma-kun would be the most successful employee in such a company. Because I feel like he knows the world. Fuma: No~ that’s more like Shori, right? Marius: Shori would be good at that too. Fuma: I would get eaten by my bad bosses (laughing). Marius: Fuma-kun as well, since you can’t say no I worry about you being used by bad people (laughing). Sou-chan as well. Fuma: I wonder how Nakajima would do. Marius: I cannot imagine it! Fuma: I don’t know how hard Japanese companies can be on someone so let’s go to an Arab one or somewhere else! (laughing)

Keep in mind I am not a native speaker therefore there might be mistakes in my translations. Also I’m not exactly translating word for word. Feel free to correct me in my ask box any time you want, I’d appreciate it! I apologize if someone already translated something before me and I didn’t notice, I hope you don’t mind.

[copyvols-blog]

A day with Rosie Day.

Tell us 3 memorable moments from whilst filming your new Sky 1 drama Living The Dream…

1)        First time seeing an alligator being on a barbecue.

2)       Smashing my chin open on the bottom of the swimming pool.

3)       Endless car scenes with Philip Glenister and Lesley sharp who would just make me cry with laughter.

Had any weird dreams lately?

Constantly. I repeatedly have one where my teeth fall out into my hands.... and I had one the other night where I was in the live action remake of Kim Possible...

Describe your dream day for us..

Definitely in Autumn. It probably starts with pancakes, then I love writing with my best friend Charlie in the Picturehouse Central cinema cafe (I love a good cafe) so probably that, a lot of laughter, maybe some shopping, and definitely a trip to the theatre and then end it with a giant pizza.

Do you have a dream acting role you would like to play?

Just well written women really. I'd love to play an adult, as I only play teenagers normally. Ideally a role like Carey Mulligans in ‘An Education’, it's my all time favourite film, and she's such a well written young girl. It seems crazy that we still have to ask for well written women, but I think the industry is really changing and coming along, I feel like it's an exciting time for women.

Living The Dream was filmed in Savannah and you live in London. Tell me 3 things you love about each place..

London: I was nicknamed street ‘Child of Soho’ when I was little, so definitely Soho- at sunset, there's a real energy as it comes alive, the Southbank on a sunny winters afternoon, and the Abbeville pub - it serves amazing roast dinners by a log fire and is so cosy!

Savannah: Gallery Espresso, hands down the best coffee shop in the world, it's like Central Park but with more art! The haunted history of the city, we did so many ghost tours it was amazing. And the many, many vintage shops, Lesley Sharp and I would spend ages in!

You’ve got the film Down A Dark Hall coming out next year - what was that like? Who do you play?

It was the most fun I’ve ever had. It’s about 5 rebellious teenage girls that go to a boarding school and find out that they have weird sort of powers, Uma Thurman is our French headmistress so it was just crazy. I play Sierra, a very lost, aimless girl. The other girls were American and we became like a total girl gang running around Barcelona for 3 months. It was so dreamy. I’ve always adored St Trinians, so it was like living out that!  

Tell us about your experience on shooting for the ‘Copy Manual’

So fun and relaxed. Any shoot that involves dancing to Taylor Swift and Avril Lavigne, automatically becomes my favourite.

Last book you read?

‘The Power’, it's about girls finding out they have this power, they can electrocute boys and men, and they take on the world. It questions all of the societies constructs around women, it's incredible.

Last film you saw?

‘In Between’, it's about 3 Arab-Israeli women sharing an apartment in Tel Aviv and trying to balance their traditions with the modern world. The 3 characters are so sassy and ballsy and are constantly questioning what people are telling them to do. It's pretty brilliant.

Last TV programme you watched?

Louis Theroux's new series of documentaries. He's incredible. The way he gets people to open up to him. He's not afraid to show how bleak the world is. I'm definitely a fangirl of his.

What’s next for Rosie Day?

I’m going to NYC to shoot a movie very soon, I'm also developing a TV series I've written with my best friend and a very feminist feature film that's just been picked up by a production company. And maybe learning French. And jazz piano. And being quiet?

Credit: Living the Dream will air on Sky 1 and Now TV from November 2nd.

Photography @soalexjohnson 

[geek-patient-zero]

Part 1, Chapter 7

Or: Lameth the Suburbanite Schlub

Blood War: Masquerade of the Red Death Trilogy Volume 1

St. Louis—March 11, 1994

When we last left Dire McCann, he had three problems: the mystery of the Red Death and what connection he could have with the rising Nictuku, Flavia figuring out that he’s secretly an ancient and powerful Methuselah possessing a human body, and Rachel Young, the singer from The Club Diabolique and suspected assassin of Tyrus Benedict, stealing his mail from his office while he was out. Now he’s leaving his office and going home to have a drink, think about those problems a little more, and hit the hay.

For the first two pages, the narrative further establishes how the World of Darkness is a Harsher, Crueler Version of Our World, and how cautious, suspicious, and prepared McCann is as a result. He waits ten minutes and spends more money for a security guard to get his car out of a city-run underground parking lot.

Despite security cameras and motorcycle patrols, muggings, rapes, and murders were common occurrences in these parking garages. Rumors had it that the security patrols were the ones responsible for many of the crimes. No one knew for sure, as dead men told no tales.

Evil rent-a-cops aren’t the only plague on the city.

McCann didn’t mind spending the extra money if it avoided unnecessary confrontation. The city was a dangerous place. Urban America was increasingly becoming a jungle in which only the strongest and smartest survived. More people died these days from gunshot wounds than from any disease.

But don’t worry. Our government’s hard at work making sure preventable illnesses come in at a close second.

The government claimed that crime was under control. But nobody believed the politicians. The truth was on the streets.

Survival depended more on recognizing the perils that haunted daily life and adjusting to them than on superior firepower. A fact of life in the nightmarish world of modern society was that someone else always possessed superior weaponry.

Good to know in the Stark, Desolate Landscape of the World of Darkness, with all it’s vampires, werewolves, and wraiths, gun violence is still the bigger problem. ‘Murika!

McCann lives in the suburbs, instantly losing some cool points. I bet you thought, after all that talk about Urban America being a jungle where only the strong survive, he’d live in a shitty apartment in the city where you need to have street smarts to survive just getting to your floor. Nope. Suburbs. It makes all the stuff about how dangerous the city is sound like a sheltered suburbanite repeating something Tom and Susan told them in hushed tones at the Nelsons’ yard sale.

But McCann doesn’t want to live just anywhere. He wants somewhere private and secure.

McCann lived in a small brick home in a new development a few blocks off Highway 80. Located on a wide lot at the end of a quiet street, it was surrounded by a wrought-iron security fence, isolating the building from the rest of the block. Which was exactly what the detective desired. He wanted to be left alone. In these troubled times, no one considered his security measures the least bit unusual.

One of those homeowners, huh? There’s at least one house on the block that has security cameras or a pack of doberman guard dogs or something, even in the safest neighborhood. Who knows, there could be an “urban” person a few blocks closer to the highway just waiting to case your home.

He had bought the house for cash less than a year before, when he first decided to settle in the St. Louis area. He knew none of his neighbors and had no interest in meeting them. He worked at night and slept during the day. The few times he had seen anyone he had raised a hand in greeting, but said nothing. McCann considered his home a safe place to rest and relax. His office served as his base of operations. He socialized in neither of them.

Someone’s never watched The ‘Burbs. Buying a house with cash, surrounded by a wrought-iron leave-me-the-fuck-alone security fence, working and sleeping at odd hours, and never speaking to anyone? All while living near people often stereotyped as gossipy rumormongers who never mind their own business and spy on anyone “unusual”? A private person like McCann should never be able to rest and relax. He’d live in fear that somehow, someday, Tom Hanks would break into his house and discover all his World of Darkness secrets.

Alright, enough talking about suburbs like I don’t comfortably live in one. McCann parks his car in the garage but before he enters his house, he checks on his real security system by placing his hand on the wall.

Certain arcane rituals from the dawn of civilization imbued a home with the personality of its owner.

McCann’s house is also a smug secretive jerk who thinks it’s the greatest and wisest schemer ever. Aww, look, he’s comforting the sexy white house across the street whose neighbor burned down. Oh no, it accidentally gave away its biggest secret!

A master magician, and McCann was among the greatest ever to walk the Earth, could immediately sense any disturbance in their dwelling.

I know I said McCann only knew simple parlor tricks to barely pass as a mage, but I might’ve downplayed the true extent of his powers. A bit.

There was none. McCann was safe. At least for the moment, neither the Red Death nor the mysterious Ms. Young had discovered his hideaway.

Shame. It would’ve been funny if he went inside and scary ol’ Red Death was casually relaxing on his couch like Darkseid.

Later, McCann’s sitting in his sofa, drink in hand, listening to Billie Holliday on the stereo. We get a description of the room, and it’s nothing special. Sofa, coffee table, no TV. McCann believes in “simple comforts” but the real point is that he doesn’t have many valuable possessions because he moves around a lot, never staying in one place for long. Reminds me of a friend of mine. He said he had wanderlust, but I suspect he just didn’t know what he wanted to do in life, chasing one passion before getting distracted by another. Lost track of him somewhere down in Florida. McCann moves around for a very different reason, though. His wandering was necessary for his “complex scheme.”

But as he relaxes, he wonders if all his moving around and plotting is even worth it anymore.

At times, he wondered why he still bothered playing the game. So many of his kind no longer struggled. Some had plunged into the great unknown from which there was no return, while others had retreated from cruel reality into a dreamworld of their own creation. He was among a handful who continued fighting. In truth, the prize hardly seemed important any longer. It was the diversion that kept him amused.

The detective shook his head and finished his nightcap. He had engaged in this mental exercise a thousand times and never arrived at a satisfactory conclusion. He was like Ol’ Man River, ‘tired of living, but scared of dying.’ For those like himself, there were no easy answers. Just more questions.

McCann finishes his introspective episode and thinks about the group he learned the Red Death was part of thanks to his bullshit telepathy power; The Children of Dreadful Night. He’s never heard of them before, but the “Dreadful Night” part makes him suspect they’re a Gehenna cult. They’re typically groups of vampires who either want to prevent Gehenna or find a way to save themselves from the Antediluvians when it begins. Then there are the ones who want to help bring it about, but the narrative is focusing on the ones who fear Gehenna for one reason or other. Technically the Sabbat is one huge Gehenna cult, but they’re much more powerful and influential than the smaller groups the term usually refers to. More cults have been springing up lately.

As it did many mortals, the approaching end of the millennium frightened them.

Oh right, the Y2K bug. I doubt that’s calming the Kindred down either.

McCann used to think the cultists were just a bunch of fringe crazies, but now, with the Red Death...

Speaking of, remember when McCann used his brain probe on the Red Death and learned that he both recognized him and had a pretty awesome counter for his psychic powers? He’s worried about that too. It means that Red D. knows his true identity somehow. He’d kept a low profile the past few decades, presumably while separating his Dire McCann identity from whatever one he was using just before that, and preferred “to forward his schemes through unsuspecting agents.” Whatever those agents were doing, no one should have suspected McCann was involved.

He felt certain no evidence existed associating the human detective, Dire McCann, and Lameth, the Dark Messiah of the Kindred.

Wow, okay, so that’s one of the floweriest wannabe impressive not impressive fucking 90′s Image Comics titles you can give a shmuck like McCann. Not to mention redundant. We already had ~*~The Dark Angels~*~, did we also need ~*~The Dark Messiah~*~ too?

The funny thing is, I think Weinberg knew that title was over-the-top. Back when McCann was thinking about the Children of Dreadful Night, there’s a line about how “Kindred possessed a bizarre fondness for nicknames.” Like he thought that if he didn’t show at least a hint of irony, every nerd, geek, or corporate suit that worked on nerd and geek franchises would rise as one, like a perma-virgin hivemind, and institute a cross-genre ban on “The Dark” as part of a character’s title, rank, or nickname. And then where would vampire fiction be?

Shaking his head, McCann wondered if Anis was behind the attack. She was one of the few Kindred who knew many of his secrets. And, like him, she continued to plot, undaunted by the centuries.

Hold up. I know what you’re all thinking. Anis is a perfectly legit Arabic name. Quit giggling.

McCann considers the other weird things that happened last night. Ms. Young was genuinely terrified of the Red Death, convincing McCann that they weren’t working together, but he still believes she killed Tyrus Benedict, stole the Baba Yaga photos, and later stole his mail from his office. And there was that phone call he got, the one warning him of the attack before it happened, made from an out of service phone booth, whose information was erased from McCann’s recording devices the moment it ended. Or, as the narrative puts it:

Reality had twisted immediately after he received the warning, which hinted that an extremely potent mage was at work.

Oh great. Actual mages.

Then there’re the assassins. We already know that Makish hired them on the Red Death’s orders, but McCann doesn’t yet. 

He still has the billfold he pocketed from one of the assassins.

Except for the money he had removed earlier, it was absolutely empty. However, that didn’t mean that it couldn’t reveal secrets.

The detective rested the leather billfold on the coffee table. Placing both hands on it, he let loose the full power of his mighty will. The air wavered with titanic energies. Squeezing his eyes shut, McCann concentrated on a solitary word. Find.

Despite that whole thing about the air wavering with titanic energies, what he’s doing is most likely The Spirit’s Touch, a power from the third tier of the Auspex discipline, which let’s you use an object’s “resonance” to learn things about it and its owner. Pretty basic, and you don’t have to be a Dark Messiah from the dawn of time to use it, but handy for detective work like this.

This is also the second time that a Kindred discipline being used is described as someone using their “mighty will.” I know some powers were namedropped earlier, like Fires of the Inferno and Body of Fire, but it makes me wonder how many listed disciplines actually have names in-universe. If a player has their character activate Awe, in-universe does the character think “I’m using Awe, the first tier Presence power”? Or “I will extend my mighty will to get everyone’s attention”? Like how Superman’s laser vision is just called laser vision and not “Burning Gaze of Rao.” 

Not that Weinberg should’ve used the discipline name every time. “The detective used Auspex” would be much duller writing.

The detective learns that the billfold’s from Washington, D.C.  It was stolen from a government file clerk by the assassin, just so he’d have somewhere to keep the money McCann found in it. We learn about the Kindred’s political situation in Washington. The part of it that doesn’t involve the spreading gang wars.

The nation’s capital had long been a source of friction between the Camarilla and the Sabbat. Though the Camarilla controlled the city, both organizations had agents in the suburbs.

Must be like a cross between Desperate Housewives and Cannibal Holocaust out there. A bit of Weeds, too.

The constantly shifting population also brought in new Kindred. Each sect controlled politicians and lobbyists.

I always had my suspicions about the Long Pig Lobby.

However, the frequent changes in government officials thwarted their ambitions for absolute domination of the government.

That darned democracy, making life in Washington for the vampires inconvenient. Someone should do something abou- Actually, no, that joke doesn’t work. Certain officials come and go in the capital even faster nowadays.

The city was a potential battleground between the cults. The Camarilla held it, but Sabbat forces surrounded it. Sooner or later, warfare between the two groups was bound to explode.

McCann had carefully avoided the city. He disliked being too visible anyplace where the balance of power was in flux. He worked best when in the shadows. However, this assassination attempt hinted that perhaps he had made a mistake by ignoring the metropolis.

After much time spent thinking and thinking, the detective’s all thunk out and decides to go to bed. He mentally checks his magic defenses on the way to his bedroom. And one other thing.

With a wan smile, he rested one hand on a small, detailed sculpture resting on the end table in his bedroom. Carved from sandstone, it depicted a man’s face remarkably similar to his own. Not particularly large or impressive, the statue originally came from Egypt and was over four thousand years old. It had been with McCann for a very long time.

Did you get that Dire McCann is super old? Need it hammered in a little more? You dumb bastards?

If you got rid of that last sentence, this could be a nice little moment for McCann’s character. Him looking at the statue, briefly allowing himself to feel nostalgia for an age and people gone by. A moment where he drops the master schemer act and let’s the old man out. A little heartwarming. A little sad. But the last sentence turns it into another reminder of something we already know.

Eh, maybe I’m being too nitpicky. Looking too hard for flaws.

The detective grinned, remembering Flavia’s tale of Masqueraders. It was an entertaining fable. He wondered how she would react to the truth. Maybe, someday, he would tell her.

No, fuck it, this one I have something to say about.

Back when Flavia was explaining her “tale of Masqueraders,” this was how McCann reacted:

McCann laughed, trying to appear amused. “What utter nonsense.”

and

McCann forced himself to remain quiet. He had said too much already.

And when he’s back in his office, reflecting on his conversation with Flavia:

McCann, sitting behind his desk in his office an hour later, sighed heavily. The detective folded his arms across his chest. For all her grief, the Dark Angel had not stayed in mourning very long. He trusted Flavia not to reveal her suspicions to the Prince for as long as it suited her purposes, and not a second more. If not handled properly, the Dark Angel could prove to be as dangerous to him as the Red Death

Those aren’t the actions and thoughts of a guy who a few hours later would be thinking “Silly bitch, what an amusing fable. Maybe one day I’ll tell her what I really am.” That’s someone whose intimidated by what she knows, and wary of what she’ll tell her fifth-generation vampire boss.

Flavia said that Masqueraders are Methuselahs who possess mortal bodies while in torpor in order to experience life like a mortal again, while giving them some Kindred powers to protect them. McCann is secretly a Methuselah named Lameth, over four thousand years old and notable enough to earn a title like “The Dark Messiah.” We’re also told that his current body is mortal, aside from a few Kindred powers. A detail we’ll learn in a few chapters may complicate things, but for now the similarities are spot on, and back in Chapter Five McCann knew that.

Flavia may be the very definition of what feminist media critics call a Strong Female Character (i.e. a character whose presented as a well-written woman because she’s physically strong and capable of *gasp* holding her own against a man, but in the overall narrative is a satellite character revolving around a male character, often used as fanservice, a love interest, or a prize to be won despite her “strength”) and maybe it’s a leap of logic to get “secret ancient vampire” from a human who can stop one of her attacks, but she more or less figured McCann out, and he knows it. The detective shouldn’t get all haughty or dismissive now because she might not know every detail. Or because she doesn’t know he’s actually ~*~Lameth, the Dark Messiah of the Kindred~*~ and not Sven, the Socially Awkward Apostle of the Kindred. She got your number, dick.

Anyway, the smug bastard goes to sleep and the chapter ends.

[advotproject]

Navigation

Long ago I participated in a jeep race in the Sahara Desert. It was an all-women’s very serious competition.

I’m not exactly the rugged jeep type, although I do believe in girl power. Contestants trained for over a year to compete in this race. It was very expensive to participate and I kind of rolled into it by accident. At the time, I was part of an Arab-Jewish theater group in Israel. As a PR stunt they selected one of the Palestinian actresses and me to be the “Peace Team.”

They didn’t really care that we had no idea how to drive a jeep or that in no way, shape, or form were we prepared for an adventure like this.

Since my beautiful, sweet Palestinian sister and I did not know what we were getting into, we decided why not?

We can do this! We can do anything. Ah, the ignorance of youth!

It ended up being much harder than we thought.

We were thrown into an extremely competitive hard-core outdoor 4 x 4 competition. We got lost. We got dehydrated. We were scared out of our minds.

We broke the jeep. We had crazy adventures.

We told each other our darkest secrets and became closer than you can imagine.

It was intense and at times depressing as hell.

We cried a lot and sometimes fought like an old married couple.

But in the end we survived with a kick ass story to tell and AMAZING photos.

I was the navigator on the team and was given the nickname “Dr. Geography,” but not because I was such a great navigator.

Navigating is not an easy skill. You need to know how to calculate. You need precision. You need to know how to read a map, maybe to read the stars and have good intuition.

Navigating new situations in life also requires making good choices, and sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone.

Navigation also requires wisdom.

At Homeboy Industries after you go through the training process, some people become what they call “navigators.” The navigators literally and figuratively help the new trainees plot a course to have a job, stay clean, and leave their old ways behind. That is one hell of a route to navigate.

As I watch my students navigate life, deal with the struggles of finding where to live and the challenges of past mistakes, I’m always in awe.

What I know to be true, what I learned on those long, long rides in the Sahara Desert, is that even the clearest of paths can have unexpected twists, turns, and turbulence.

You need to be creative and willing to take an alternative path while staying in the same direction.

That’s not easy, but always a possibility.

A student of mine recently expressed how hard it is to navigate everything he has going on right now.

“Ms.,” he told me. “I feel lost. I don’t know how to navigate all of this.”

I looked at him and smiled. “One step at a time. You know, when you actually navigate with a map, you need to look at the coordinates and figure out how you’re going to get from point A to point B. You pick a route and start. You might not always get to where you wanted to go, but really, it is about the journey and being in motion.”

He looked down at the floor and said quietly, “I am staying in motion, but I need to keep my line straight and not go in the wrong direction.”

“Okay,” I said to him. “What’s your North Star?”

“What does that mean?” he asked me.

I explain. “Well, old fashioned navigation used the stars. If you look at the sky, you need to figure out which is the North Star. When you know where north is, you figure everything out based on that.”

“Ms., they teach you crazy shit in that army you were in,” he mumbles.

“Actually, I didn’t learn that in the army,” I tell him.

“I learned it in the youth movement I was in. Part of any basic navigation will teach you that. You can download an app on your phone that shows you the star constellations. It will show you the North Star. Seriously,” I add.

He continues to look at the floor.

“Look at me for a second,” I say gently.

He picked his head up. His eyes were moist. He was very emotional. He shook his head and said, “I can’t.”

“Listen to me,” I tell him.

“When you get overwhelmed and you’re feeling lost, think about what your North Star is.”

“I don’t want to go back to jail,” he said quietly.

“That’s not your North Star,” I say.

“Your North Star isn’t something you don’t want. Your North Star is something you do want; it is where you are going, not coming from.”

He laughs out loud, and says to me, “Ms., you are a pain in my fucking ass.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I’m honored.”

We both laugh.

“I can’t do this,” he said to me again.

“I don’t know what my North Star is. I don’t know what the Southern Star is. I don’t know shit.”

“Blah blah blah,” I say.

“That is such incredible BS. Tell me something you want to happen, something that you want really bad, crazy, pie in the sky.”

“Fucking hell, Ms. Now I have to have a pie in the fucking sky?”

I giggle. “Just tell me something you think you could never have, and you want.”

“Okay, Ms. Game on,” he says.

“I want to own my own house.”

“BINGO,” I tell him.

“Being a homeowner is your North Star.”

I turn the attendance paper from class around and I write on the blank side: “Ownership Deed.”

“Navigate yourself to this house, Dude!!”

Something shifted. He got it and relaxed and, for a moment, the sadness subsided.

“Your shit is crazy, Ms., but I get it now.” He smiles.

“That’s all that matters,” I say.

Sometimes when my students get it, it’s a little weird and abrupt. They say goodbye and leave me fast. Maybe because I got too close. Maybe because they want to go. Maybe I am a little too much or sometimes I push too hard.

He looked at me, snatched the attendance paper from me with his “ownership deed,” laughed, and walked away.

We are navigating crazy times these days.

The path is not clear but, as always, the North Star is there and should lead the way.

For me it is to be safe.

To keep the house clean, because with five of us here that can be a challenge and a half.

I want to be grateful every day for what I have.

And in these crazy times we all must remember to be in service, teach, and be present for those who need us.

Find your North Star in these foggy, hard times and try as best as you can to navigate your way there with patience and conviction.

What I am holding on to the tightest is faith.

I believe it’s going to be OKAY.

I believe we will come out on the other side stronger.

Most of all, I believe in believing.

When I am standing on the edge of the cliff and feeling nauseous and afraid, I literally close my eyes, take a deep breath and look for my North Star of faith. I know it will lead me to where I need to go.

I don’t know if my student ever made it to his house. I saw him a few times after that conversation and then we lost touch.

My North Star tells me he is okay and, hopefully, he is still walking in the right direction.

I pray in these hard times you see your star.

If you don’t, keep looking.

I promise you it’s there.