#But those last lines…. Phew

[sesamestreep]

I know we’re like spoiled for choice when it comes to connecting Siken poems to characters from The Terror because of the, um, Themes, you know? But honestly, if we’re not talking about “Real Estate” and how it’s The Poem for Crozier then actually what are we doing, even?

[guardianofnightmares]

Attack

“And remember: there is enough fuel in those rods for couple of maneuvers and a descent. That’s it.” Blitzwing said in a stern tone while adjusting some screws on minibot’s backplates. “I highly recommend you to not stray far away from your group for too long.”

He knew that his companion was not that reckless to go on adventures of his own on a battlefield, but it’s still difficult not to worry about mechs’ safety. Even if the targeting systems of an Autobots’ flagship "Endeavor" were supposed to be down by the beginning of an operation, its guns would still be working at full capacity.

Chances of being shot by a random plasma beam were still pretty high.

“I know, Blitzwing, I know,” said minibot sighed in defeat. His spirits were not that much higher than everyone else’s lately.

“But hey,” He continued, “Even if I wanted to, I doubt Megacon would allow me to go sightseeing without him… And if I indeed managed to do just that, my fear of withering away from his lecture about my recklessness definitely outweighs the fun of getting into troubles.”

----------

Phew, third entry for the @blitzbee-week event has arrived at last. Prompt of a third day was "Attack", which turned out to be quite an interesting one to create a piece for. Eventually, I've decided to picture a scene of preparations for one of first major battles in a story of mine. Considering a fact that a mentioned scene takes place at the beginning of a second part/volume of a fanfic, I found it to be a good opportunity to show an evolution of relationship between characters (at least in comparison to previous entries).

Fanfic the scene is taken from is called "TFA: Icarus". You can read it by following a [link] for the series "folder" which also includes an existing teaser (future prologue) for a story. The updates are slow, I know, I am sorry for a delay, I was very busy with a job of mine lately and I do not know when the situation will change for better. Despite all of it, I'm still deeply grateful for every subscription and "like" you leave under works for this project of mine. Know that I see and appreciate every kind gesture of yours).

As always, if anyone is interested to know what's going on "behind the scenes" of a picture, I will provide the full snippet of a depicted interaction under a cut line. Hope you'll enjoy it. Especially those of you, who read previous "chapters" of mine, for you might find a reference here to one of them ;)

Bumblebee finally glanced at a Decepticon sitting on his haunches behind his back. The Warframe’s been checking on a Cybertronian analogue of a humans’ “parachute” for the last half of megacycle, trying to secure the massive carcass on a frame it was not meant to be worn by. 

“How’s it looking?” The Bot asked. Not out of vanity, for once, but rather out of practicality - a bleak, outdated “jetpack” was the smallest one they could salvage, and it’s still way too big for a mech of Bumblebee’s proportions. Several kilograms of metal more and it’d have begun to tip a yellow colored Autobot over. 

“… It’ll have to do.” 

A brisk, honest and not so uplifting answer. But, come to think of it, Bumblebee would’ve been more surprised to hear a reassuring comment coming from a Triplechanger. 

A notion that Bumbler was capable of periodically predicting Con’s responses almost made him chortle. The possibility of his team forming a bond with Warframes over the course of a stellar cycle after an escape from Cybertron was improbable at best. And yet, there they were - trying to work as a single unit despite ever present old grudges. 

For a goal they were fighting for together against a common foe was more important than any of their just (and unjust) beliefs. 

“And remember: there is enough fuel in those rods for couple of maneuvers and a descent. That’s it.” Blitzwing said in a stern tone while adjusting some screws on minibot’s backplates. “I highly recommend you to not stray far away from your group for too long.”

He knew that his companion was not that reckless to go on adventures of his own on a battlefield, but it’s still difficult not to worry about mechs’ safety. Even if the targeting systems of an Autobots’ flagship "Endeavor" were supposed to be down by the beginning of an operation, its guns would still be working at full capacity.

Chances of being shot by a random plasma beam were still pretty high.

“I know, Blitzwing, I know,” said minibot sighed in defeat. His spirits were not that much higher than everyone else’s lately.

“But hey,” He continued, “Even if I wanted to, I doubt Megacon would allow me to go sightseeing without him... And if I indeed managed to do just that, my fear of withering away from his lecture about my recklessness definitely outweighs the fun of getting into troubles.”

The last comment earned him a snort from a companion.

“Yes, he tends to do exactly that. You’d be insanely lucky if that was the only punishment coming upon your helm,” Blitzwing agreed in a more lighthearted tone. “Especially since, it seems, Megatron’s already figured out where someone prefers to spend their shift at once in a while.”

“…what do you mean by that?” Bumblebee asked worriedly after a short lived pause - he could almost “see” a smirk plastered across Blitzwing’s faceplates with the back of his own helm. And if he’s learnt anything about a Con over the last orbital cycles, it’s that him being smug never promised anything good for a yellow and black Bot. 

“Let’s just say that if a certain hiding spot is indeed real, I’ll make sure to send you energon treats during a “home arrest” of yours.” Blitzwing mused out loud. A followed groan full of despair, which came from a small mech, made Blitzwing slip an amused laugh. 

And here a minibot hoped that Megatron would be any different than a so-called Bossbot of his. 

---

Soon after the Trpilechanger’s done everything he could in order to make Bumbler’s descent to a flagship safer, a huge figure appeared at an entrance to a bay. Bumbler noticed a newcomer only when a said mech contacted him via personal comlink, voice commanding yet devoid of usual rasp undertones. 

“Time to go, minibot,” Megatron announced, as if wanting to make sure that his arrival was interpreted as a sign to wrap preparations up. It made both Cybertronians to pause their conversation and to look up at an arrived Decepticon. 

The red and grey mech stood with his servos being clasped behind his back, polished shoulder pauldrons proudly shining under a warm artificial light. One of his chest plates bared signs of a recent scuffle at one of remote outposts - the right side was adorned with a fresh wielding patchwork, performed by Ratchet himself, which hid an ugly and deep scar. 

The sight of a quickly healing wound reminded Bumblebee of an amusing memory he’d witnessed in a medbay the other day - Ratchet and Megatron bickering with each other about who’s a true madmech between two of them, while a medic was performing mentioned repairs. The fact that a Warlord received an injury during a rescue of a red and white Autobot, who stayed behind in order to cover their team’s escape, seemed to slip out of both of their processors. Ratchet was nigh unstoppable in his fury, and it seemed that Megatron’s finally found someone who could rival his own stubbornness. Something, all members of a team were certain of, both older mechs secretly admired about each other. 

With raised up spirits, minibot quickly picked up a bag of tools, which laid near a working bench, and waved goodbye to a Triplechanger, who stayed behind to tidy a working place up. 

Blitzwing couldn’t hear what his two comrades were talking about while standing at an exit to a bay, but he could still observe the interaction between them. 

The height difference between mechs was ridiculous. It became especially obvious when Megatron lowered himself to a ground in order to access electronic panel of a “jetpack”, while Bumblebee was checking on contents of a bag of his. To Blitzwing, the scene almost resembled the way human parent would interact with their child after meeting them from an educational establishment back on Earth. Come to think of it, Bumbler looked like a sparkling in comparison to all of Warframes, which made the situation even more amusing in Blitzwing’s optics. 

After switching on needed components, the grey Decepticon activated a program in his own engine’s software. Both mechs synchronized recently updated broadcasting frequencies of their flying gear, and the “jetpack” came to life with a faint glow of its side lights.

A model of a “parachute” may have looked old, but the technology behind an outdated surface was something to be proud of. As if to prove a point, Megatron shifted his wings from side to side, up and down. Minibot whirled his head around just in time to see his own wings mirroring movements of his larger partner with a barely there delay. Created during an expansion of territories on foreign planets, devices similar to Bumbler’s one allowed Autobots to join Decepticons in off-ground battles and explorations, going so far as to copy difficult maneuvers of Warframes with an impressive accuracy. 

A true forgotten marvel of Cybertronian engineering. 

To say that Bumblebee could barely keep his excitement under control would be an understatement. The way he puffed up his chest plates and spread his temporary wings reminded local workers of a young Warframe after the first successful training session at a boot camp, fears and doubts the Bot had about an upcoming battle diminishing at a prospect of taking the first flight in his life. Even if it’ll mostly be coordinated by a partner. 

Bumblebee faced a rising by his side Decepticon with a contagious smile plastered across his grey faceplates, blue optics glowing with eagerness. He said something to him, most likely a spicy remark about his immaculate skills as a Prime soon-to-be Flyer on a battlefield taking place in an outer space. Those jovial antics made Megatron roll his optics, after which he turned an Autobot around with a smirk and (lightly) shoved him forward in direction of a main hangar, where they would join other members of a boarding party. 

---

It’s been a while since both mechs disappeared out of the view of Triplechanger, leaving him to his own devices. The grey and violet mech was in a middle of cleaning a working bench when he received a call. 

“Hey, Blitzwing!” A booming voice of Bulkhead sounded clearly over the comlink, only interrupted by periodic screeching of metal against metal in a background. “Are you and Bumblebee finished by any chance?”

“Fortune is on your side this time, my artistic friend, - Megatron’s already picked your yellow menace up.” Warframe answered while putting instruments into their designated slots. “What’s the matter?” 

“Lugnut and I would really appreciate it, if you joined us with loading ammo on a ship - these electromagnetic emitters are putting a strain even on him. Optimus is already helping us by operating a crane, but I don’t think it’s enough for everything to be finished on time.” A green Autobot admitted guiltily. When Blitzwing was about to say something, he added: “One more thing: Optimus said that he’d like to discuss a plan of an attack with you again afterwards - something about an established route through an asteroid field doesn’t click right with him.“

Of course it didn’t. But Blitzwing could hardly blame him for being extra cautious. Truth be told, he’d expected an ex-cadet to contact him sooner or later in order to go through a plan one more time. Meaning, there’s really no point for him to act getting annoyed at a prospect of doing an additional work during a current shift. 

“Alright. Seems that by helping you I’m going to kill two cats with one stone, so, count me in.”

“It’s “two birds”, Blitzwing,” Bulkhead corrected him with an audible smile. “Anyways, I’ll be waiting for you at an entrance 4-06. Thank you.”

With that being said, the bulky Autobot hung up the call, leaving a Warframe alone with his own thoughts, smiling to himself while cleaning the last of used tools from grease and oil. 

Many things have changed since the beginning of a new cycle of War, for better and for worse. With the amount of mechs switching sides and betraying their causes, sometimes it was easier to assume, that all around you were enemies rather than to hope you had at least someone to rely on. 

Yet, despite every obstacle Outcast Autobots and Earth-stranded Decepticons had to go through so far, the newly formed squad of theirs was a proof that some things stayed the same. That Camaraderie still had a value in an ever treacherous world. And Blitzwing had a feeling that no matter what lied ahead of them, the old healed bonds and recently blossomed ones would stand the test of time.

As if coming to an internal agreement with himself, the Triplechanger shook his helm and finally headed to an agreed upon place of meeting with his unlikely comrades, while silently humming a tune Bumblebee taught him once.

Perhaps, an Autobot known as Prowl was right after all?

Perhaps, it was indeed the right time to start having Faith and Trust in teammates once more?

[uchihaharlot]

How does Shisui (or the other Uchiha) cope when he's finally, blissfully rawing you for the first time ever? 😩

Nonny,

This is so sweet 🥹 I was actually cackling because boy do I ever have a dirty mind (and for once Madara is on point and I had a nap).

NSFW; how the Uchiha boys cope with the feeling of your sugar walls for the first time; artificially induced orgasm lol 😈

Madara:

Lol. Well, firstly. He was always raw dogging you and making you full of him. 😂 Contraception was a thing, but like, who the fuck wants to wear a pigs intestine?? Even if its clean, that’s just not something Madara would ever consider. If you ended up pregnant, you were merely upholding your agreement in this marriage. However….that doesn’t mean that the first time he penetrated your slippery moist cunt it wasn’t divine. He actually can be tender, and you wouldn’t jump in a dry ass pool. So, of course, Madara was deliciously teasing you until there was little resistance the first time he had you. Phew. Your inner sanctum sucked and swallowed him whole, deliciously. He stifled his groan but the first signs of pleasure tumbling out her mouth has this man a mess.

Obito:

🥹 I’m sure you’ve all sensed a pattern here for our dear heart, Obito. Such a sweetie pie. So nervous and gets unbearably excited when his s/o asked this one time to just feel his thick cock dredging her precious moist hole. Firmly believe Obito whined like a squealing serpentine belt the whole time she was grinding up and down his girth. If she spoke; he didn’t hear it. Was doing every thing in his power to not be a two pump chump! And it worked, until she got louder, started to swell and then came all over him. Driving Obito even more delirious with pleasure. Would prefer she had at least one more orgasm before he did but that notion is thrown out the window when he’s already coming. Filling her for the first time ever. Fucking it back into her even.

Shisui:

😭😭😭 my bby! Was huffing and sucking in his bottom lip like a Dyson, eyes blissed out and breathing so damn heavy. Rhetorically asked if you were heavens above, his cock was pulsing from your ringed muscles gripping him on first drag in and out!! Head tilted back, gorgeous curls bouncing on impact when he really got into it. Don’t even get me started on when they stick to his forehead and you have to brush them out of the way!! He’s trying so hard to hold on too, for you. Though you’re definitely more than sated, mostly exhausted, “…just one more, baby. Please..’ Shisui desperately needs to feel your warmth before coating you from the inside out. How can you say no to a face like this? You can’t. There is just no way you would break this man’s heart and not choke his cock again, allowing him to swell and pulse within you. Filling you and slipping out to see it drip out. Only for him to gently stuff it back inside with two fingers and plug you up.

Itachi:

I’m positive the first time Itachi did the deed raw it was rather embarrassingly quick! Said something along the lines of, ‘my apologies,’ after finishing. He was so frustrated, but didn’t show it one bit. Wasn’t ready to be swallowed whole by your sopping heat, even worse when he stole a glance and could actually see how slick he felt. (I’ve been putting this off for some time, but this will not do for this man). If you already had one ‘free space’ round, what’s another? Something in the air today would have Itachi lulling your consciousness to bend at his will. You didn’t even see it; but could definitely feel it in the stagnant state of your psyche: Tsukuyomi. It’s a one liner you’re all too familiar with, it reverberates the echo chamber of his playground, a feigned replica of your bedroom. A place you’ve never been for salacious purposes. As a cascade of several contrasting climaxes physically immobilize you, those famous last words seem to pass through you like wave lengths… ‘you’re already under my genjutsu..’ As the curtain to reality slowly drops, altering the landscape in a hue of reds and blacks.

You’re in danger.

[tkwrites]

It Doesn't Matter - Part III - Nico Hischier x ofc

Gif from offside-the-lines

Title: It Doesn’t Matter - Part III

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Playlist

Author: Tory / @tkwrites 

Relationship: Nico Hischier x Original female character 

Summary: Though they’ve finally confessed their feelings for one another, a 7 day road trip stands between Nico and Lena finally beginning their relationship. When Lena sends a photo of herself Nico never expected to receive, it springboards them into new territory. Upon arriving home, he and Lena are finally able to be together in ways they’ve only dreamed of. 

Warnings: Lots of fluff, followed by lots of smut (18+ only): oral (f and m receiving), unprotected p in v (wrap it up unless you’re in a consenting relationship!), talks of feeling singled out and a really dick ex-boyfriend.

Word count: 13,400

Comments: Phew! We made it. Just barely.

I gave myself a deadline for this series, liking the idea that I’d publish each installment on the last day of the the month, and I’m really proud that I was able to stick to that goal. 

This piece is LONG, so strap in. It was so much fun to write and string together, though. Writing Nico and Lena finally getting together has been such a joy for me. I really hope you enjoy it, too! If there's anything you'd like to see in their universe, please let me know!

If you do enjoy it, please consider letting me know by commenting, reblogging, or sending in an ask. Your encouragement and comments truly inspire me to keep writing. 

It Doesn’t Matter - Part III

Two days into the road trip, Nico was feeling restless and unsure. He wanted to call Lena and tell her he missed her. He wanted to talk to her about everything and nothing. Hear about her day in class and tell her about practice. Now that they’d crossed that initial physical barrier, he wanted to have phone sex and listen to her getting herself off. He wanted… he wanted so many things, but he wasn’t really sure where they stood. Could he just call her up and initiate a conversation that spanned both their friendship and their newfound sexual connection? Even when they were just friends and roommates, he hardly ever called her to just say hi. That felt too much like something he would do if they were dating, and he couldn't take the disappointment that came with not having that part be true. 

Except maybe now it was true?

Staring at her contact photo, he wondered how people did this. 

For Lena’s part, she was pacing the apartment, wondering if she should go through with it. Earlier in the day, in a fit of missing Nico so much it ached, she put on the lingerie set she bought the first week she’d moved in, set up her phone and took some photos to send to him. There was one in particular she liked, and she even had it queued up in a message. Now that she had someone to wear it for, and it, amazingly, turned out to be the guy she’d always hoped it would be, she couldn’t get the idea of wearing it for him out of her mind. And why wait until he was home when she could send a picture now?

He was off this afternoon, which meant he was likely napping. She could send it during the game, but there was more of a chance someone else might see it if she did that. And this was for his eyes only. 

She thought about prefacing it with a Don’t open this until you’re alone, message, but wouldn’t that ruin the surprise?

Finally deciding it’d be better to send it now, while he was more likely to be alone than after the game, she hit the blue arrow. The whooshing sound let her know it was delivered, and her heart immediately jumped into her throat. 

It was too late to take back now, and trying to explain her reasoning over text seemed impossible. She’d just have to wait for him to respond. 

Walking to her easel, she decided she needed to distract herself until he did. If she didn’t, she knew she would obsess powerfully and end up sending him something written from pure anxiety, and those messages never turned out well. For all she knew, he could be asleep and wouldn’t see it for another few hours. 

The thing was that Lena had never done this before. She'd never sent a picture of herself that hadn't been requested first, and she’d never wanted to. 

Past boyfriends wanted to ‘see her when they were apart,’ but that really translated to ‘I want something to show off to my friends.’ She'd been shocked to find Milo showing one of his buddies a picture she’d sent him while they were at a party. Together. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. The picture showed Lena in nothing but her underwear, one arm wrapped around her chest for some semblance of modesty when she didn’t really want to send the picture in the first place. The fact that he had it pulled up and was showing it off so casually made her feel objectified and cheap. 

That night, she did the sneakiest thing she'd ever done in a relationship and used his sleeping face to unlock his phone so she could delete all the pictures she'd sent him before breaking up with him the next morning. She even told him what she did. He complained that she was an uptight bitch who didn’t understand he was showing her off, and shouldn’t she be flattered. 

Nico would never do something like that. She knew him too well. He would know and had told her that photos like that were for the recipient only and shouldn’t be shared with anyone else. He told her once that one of the guys on the Mooseheads tried to show him a picture of his girlfriend, and the rest of the boys teased him for turning away. 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he complained to Lena later that day, “I don’t want to see that.” It was one of the first times she knew he was different, and her rule about not dating hockey players was going to be broken.

It was because of that. Because she knew he wouldn’t show anyone else, and because she had the suspicion he would never ask for something like this that she’d sent it. 

The whole time she’d known him, Nico had been the nicest cute boy on the team. Always easy going and quick with a smile, even when he didn't understand what anyone was saying. He never treated her like a piece of meat like some of the guys did, always seeing and celebrating her humanity before anything else. He was genuinely interested in her art, and not just as a means of getting into her pants. 

When she met him, and they began hanging out with mutual friends, she remembered thinking, I'm going to tell people I met the love of my life in my senior year. 

Setting her phone face down on the end table, she picked up her palette and brush and turned her focus to the mountain sunset she’d been working on all week. 

When Nico's phone buzzed with a text from Lena, he opened it right away, anxious to hear from her. He didn't think anything of the preview that told him it was a photo. She often sent memes or funny photos of Cookie around the apartment or progress on her latest painting. 

Had he thought this might be anything close to possibility, he would have opened it in the bathroom. 

An embarrassing noise, overflowing with longing, crawled up his throat. 

Jonas shot him a confused look, and Nico had to act like everything was normal. Like he wasn’t taken completely off guard. Like he didn’t have a hard on in their hotel room. Like Lena hadn’t just sent him a picture of herself in pink lingerie, winking cheekily at the camera.

He wanted to bury his head in a pillow and groan. He wanted to call her and tell her how beautiful she was. He wanted to detail each and every way he was going to make her come when he got home. 

“I’m —” Nico coughed, “I’m gonna go on a walk,” he told Jonas, bolting out of bed and into the hallway. Maybe this was worse. Now, he had a boner in public. He needed a place where he could talk to her alone. 

There was a conference room the coaches were using this morning, wasn’t there? He ran down the hall and found the room empty and blissfully unlocked. 

The whole wall facing the hallway was glass, but it’s not like he was going to do anything indecent. 

The call went to voicemail. 

Frowning, Nico pulled the phone away from his ear. Certainly, in the time it took him to run down the hall, she hadn’t gone away from her phone. And she didn’t send that thinking he wouldn’t respond, right? That would be crazy. No woman would send a picture of herself like that if she didn’t want a response. 

The device buzzed in his hand, and he felt a sigh let go in his chest. “Hey,” he greeted, bringing it back to his ear. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, sounding a little breathless, “I didn’t want to drop my palette all over your living room.” 

“Thanks,” he said, laughter in his tone. He was amazed she could just go back to painting after sending a message like that. He’d be a nervous wreck.

The awkwardness that passed over the phone line between them made Lena’s heart race with indecision. How was she supposed to broach this subject? Did you get the photo I sent? Do you want to talk about it? Are you calling me because it had the desired affect? 

Finally, she decided to go into neutral territory, “so, how are you?” 

How was he supposed to answer that question? 

“I got your message,” he said, wincing at the accusing tone in his voice. He didn’t even answer her question.

“Did you…” she felt suddenly self-conscious, “I mean, did you like it?” 

Did she think he was blind? “Yeah, I wouldn’t have minded some warning, though,” he admitted. The sound that had come out of his mouth when he opened it rang in his head, and he felt himself flush out of embarrassment. 

“Sorry,” she said, voice sheepish. “I was debating about telling you to open it alone, but I just kind of freaked out and sent it.”

Laughter rumbled from his chest, “you don’t need to apologize. I really liked it.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. I don’t know a man alive who wouldn’t like getting a picture like that from the woman he loves.” 

The casual way he said he loved her made her heart pitter-patter. 

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Lena,” he said.

She liked that he used the word seen. Not the most beautiful woman he’d ever met, the most beautiful he’d ever seen. Heat raced into her cheeks, “really?”

“Yes.” It almost came out a groan. Just thinking about it got him worked up, but now that they were on the phone, he didn’t think it was the time to broach phone sex. Maybe that was her intention in sending it, but their conversation was too sweet and awkward to steer in that direction. He didn’t want to ruin it, or for her to think he only wanted her physically. He wanted every part of her.

His simple answer turned her insides to goo. 

She sniffed, and panic spiked in his chest. “Are you crying?” 

“A little.” 

“Why? What’s wrong?” 

“Nothings wrong,” her voice was wobbly, “I just…I can’t really believe this is my life, you know?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that I spent six years pining after you, thinking you didn’t like me, and now you’re telling me I’m the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. It almost doesn’t feel real.” 

“Yeah,” he swung his legs up onto the sofa under the windows and lay back. “The whole time we were kissing, I kept thinking I needed to pinch myself.” 

She giggled, knowing the feeling all too well. 

“I wish I told you sooner,” he said quietly.

“Tell me about it,” she groaned. 

He knew he would beat himself up about this, and his siblings would hold how they were right about Lena over his head for the rest of time. 

“I can’t believe you sent me a picture of yourself in lingerie,” he said, voice full of wonder and longing. “I don’t think I ever even let myself imagine that.” The reality of it was too much. It made their relationship more tangible somehow. 

“I missed you, and I just kept thinking about how I finally had someone to wear it for other than myself, and I don’t know, I just…I wanted you to see it.”

Her admission made his insides feel gooier than a raclette. “I miss you too,” he said, glad he hadn't steered the conversation to sex. That would come, he knew, but he was glad for this reassurance. 

They fell into a comfortable silence, and Nico pulled in a calming breath. 

“How was class on Friday?” 

“Good. Professor Brown really likes my sketches.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, she said I really turned a corner and understood what she was trying to get us to do.” 

“That’s great.” 

Posing for her would have never been in vain when it brought them together, but he was glad the art wasn’t going unnoticed by her teachers. 

“She wants to put them in the student showcase for this semester.” 

His mouth went dry. “What?” 

“She said they’re such a cohesive story and series, she’d like to put them in the showcase. It’s a huge honor. I told her I had to talk to you before I could say yes, though.”

Mind racing, Nico wondered what on earth he’d gotten himself into. 

“I…” he paused. “How —” his voice squeaked over the word, and he had to clear his throat, “how long would they be up?” 

“Basically through December. I think the show goes up that first weekend.” 

That was only a few weeks away. 

“And they take it down when we come back after the break, so mid-January, I think.”

“I just…” he gulped, “I — what if someone recognizes me?” It was highly unlikely people who attended art shows at the New York Institute of Art would know him on site, but the thought of a fan seeing the sketches and recognizing him posing nude still made his stomach turn. 

“Well, they won’t be up for sale, so no one will be taking them home but me,” she assured. 

That was a relief.

“I could try to take out your tattoo, make you a little less recognizable.” 

He didn’t respond. 

“You don’t have to decide now. You can take time to think about it.”

The hesitation in her voice made his mind up for him. He wouldn’t be the thing holding her back. He’d figure it out. 

“You should show them,” he found himself saying. 

He’d have to tell the teams PR about it in case someone posted them on social media. 

“Only if you’re sure.” 

“I’m sure. I’m…” Why hadn’t he led out with this? “I’m really proud of you.” 

Her insides turned to pudding again, “thank you, Nico.” 

He would figure it out. It would be fine. The most important thing was that she was getting the recognition she deserved. “We can go see it together?” he asked. 

“They have a gallery opening I’ll have to attend. I’ll have to make sure, but I think it’s on the 6th.” 

He pulled up the team calendar. They were, thankfully, in town and didn’t have a game that Friday. “I can come.” 

“I would love that.” 

“I want to be there to support you.” She supported him through so many things, he was glad he could return the favor. “I can invite some of the guys?” 

“Only if you want,” she said, feeling a little taken aback. “If you’re okay with them seeing the drawings.”

“It’s nothing they haven’t seen before,” he said with a laugh, “and I want them to know how talented my girlfriend is.” 

“Oh, am I your girlfriend now?” she asked, teasing.

If it were up to him, she’d be his wife before too long. “Yes. Finally.” 

She giggled, “I never thought I’d actually get to call you my boyfriend.” 

The excitement in her voice pulled a giddy feeling in his stomach. 

Someone knocked on the window above him, and Nico sat up, startled. Jack was on the other side of the glass, exaggeratedly asking him if he wanted to go into the city.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I have to go,” he said, nodding at Jack. 

“Okay, I’ll talk to you soon?” she said it like a question. 

“Yeah. I’ll call you tomorrow?” 

“That sounds great.” 

He could hear the smile in her voice, and it filled his chest with a warm, buoyant feeling. Turning away from the window, he said, “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Nico. Good luck tonight. I’ll be watching.”

Lena hung up the phone, shaking her head. She'd gone into that call expecting phone sex, and instead, she got emotional reassurance. How was he even real?

He hung up the phone, grinning.

“What’s got you all cheery? Who was on the phone?”

“Lena,” he said, slipping the device into his pocket. 

“Dude, you’ve got to make a move.” 

Nico smiled to himself. He’d tell Jack and the guys eventually, but for now, he was just reveling in the fact that he had, and it turned out better than he ever imagined. 

The photo haunted him for the rest of the road trip. It wasn't even the picture itself, which did live in his mind rent free, and he'd jerked off to at least three times. No, the thing that really haunted him was the fact that she sent it in the first place, that she felt comfortable enough to send it, that she wanted him thinking about and desperate for her. And he was desperate, in a way he'd never experienced before. 

He wanted her to feel the same way, but knew from experience that she didn't like dick pics. 

In a fit of indignation after receiving one on a dating app, she'd handed him her phone to unmatch the guy as she told him, “I don’t know why men think everyone wants to see their dick. I can promise you, no one wants to see your dick. Unless a woman tells you, ‘send me a picture of your penis,’ she doesn't want to see it. Even if she sent you a picture to get off to, she doesn’t want to watch you do it unless she asks for it.” 

He'd asked her what a woman did want. 

“Send her a picture of your hands or your forearm while you’re doing something. Men's forearms are sexy.”

So he'd done just that. A video, actually, strategically cropped to show the flex of his forearm and wrist as he got himself off in their next hotel while her name fell from his lips over and over again. He didn't even need to look at his phone anymore. The photo was burned into his brain and etched onto his eyelids. 

She responded within minutes of him sending it. That's the sexiest thing a man has ever sent me, Nico. I can't believe you remembered. 

The video popped into her mind all the time. She couldn't stop thinking about his big hands and the veins winding up his forearm, standing out under his skin. She couldn’t stop hearing the hushed, breathy way he moaned her name.

It even happened in school if she let her mind wander, which resulted in her creaming her underwear and having to clench her legs together until the feeling eased off.

Touché, Mr. Hishier. Touché.

Four days later, Nico walked into the apartment, surprised to find lights still on. It was Friday night, but still, Lena usually went to bed early. No matter the day, her biological clock kept a rigid schedule. 

Perhaps she left the lights on when she went to sleep, not wanting him to come home to a dark house. As he walked through the living room, however, he found her on the couch, asleep with Cookie tucked against her like a little spoon. 

“Lena?” he asked, squatting in front of her.  

She didn’t even stir. 

“Lena,” he repeated, gently brushing a lock of hair off her forehead.

He loved this simple version of her - the peaceful, soft lines of her face and the gentle curve of her mouth. Her nose ring was slightly off center with her on her side, but it still fit on her face like it was a permanent feature that had always been there. When she showed up in Bern, having had it done just a few weeks previous, it had taken him a full half hour to realize what was different. It fit her and her personality so well, it didn’t stand out as a major change in his mind. 

He hadn’t thought it was possible he could think about kissing her more than he already did. 

“Nico?” she asked in the most adorable sleepy voice he’d ever heard. The visions he had of waking up next to her were suddenly much more real and much sweeter than he originally imagined. 

“What are you doing out here, hase?”

Her eyes finally fluttered open, and her stomach clenched when they met his. His hair had flopped into his eyes, but she could still clearly see the soft care in them. He was in a gray Devils hoodie that looked supremely soft.

Cookie stretched, yawned, and slinked out from under her arm as she reached forward to trace her fingers through his hair, pushing it back. “You’re so handsome, Nico.”

The dimple in his left cheek deepened with his bashful smile. He wasn’t used to her complimenting him so openly. “Danke, hase. What are you doing out here?” 

“Waiting up for you,” she said with a chagrined smile, “or trying to at least.” 

“Lets get you to bed,” he said, standing before he worked an arm under her legs, the other under her shoulders, and lifted her off the couch.

Lena snuggled into him with a contented little noise. She hadn't been carried like this since she was a little kid. 

He lay her on her bed, then pulled the covers out from under her body before settling them over her. 

“Will you stay?” she asked, quietly.

Something behind his sternum fractured a little. “Natürlich,” he murmured, brushing a kiss over her hair. “Let me go get ready, ja?”

She nodded. 

Nico thought for sure she would be asleep when he got back after washing his face and changing into some pajama pants, but though she was still in the same position he left her in, her eyes were open and she gave him an adorably sleepy smile. 

In some sort of dream came true, he walked around the bed to slip in behind her. 

Except Cookie was laying there, pressed against her back, blinking at him slowly as if to ask why Nico was there and what he thought he was about to do. 

“Uh,” he began, not sure what to do. 

“Just move him over here.”

So Nico took the cat around the middle and lifted him over Lena. He squirmed and made a grumbling noise but didn’t swipe. Before he could jump off the bed in a fit of indignation, Lena gathered him against her chest and kissed his head. 

Cookie grumbled again. It was apparently all for show, though, because he settled in her arms almost at once and began purring and nuzzling her chin. 

Now that that was settled, he lifted the covers and slid under them.

Lena felt a contented little sigh escape her as he fitted his body against hers. The oxymoron that was Nico Hischier hit her again. He was big and strong, but he was so gentle and warm as he wrapped his arm around her waist over the blanket. She felt cocooned and protected. 

Cookie turned around and nuzzled his head under Nico’s hand. Chuckling, Nico scratched behind his ears and heard the purring start up again. 

“I’m glad you're home,” Lena said in that slow way people do while they’re falling asleep. 

“Me too,” he responded, tucking his nose into her hair and settling in for the night. 

Though he’d lived the past week, it still felt a little like he didn’t know how he ended up here, or like he should be dreaming. Yes, he dreamed of making love to Lena, but more often than that, he dreamed of these things: of not going to bed alone, of taking care of her, and being taken care of. Not only was he not going to bed alone, she asked him to stay. He felt comfortable holding her, and she felt comfortable enough to lean against him, letting him support her. More than anything else, it felt incredible to be genuine about his feelings and to have them lead to this moment. 

It was the best thing he could have asked for. 

The fatigue that always came with coming home from a road trip caught up with him abruptly, and before he could think about anything else, he was falling asleep. 

Lena woke before Nico did. Which wasn’t unusual. She almost always woke before anyone else in the house. No matter when she’d gone to bed, or what she’d done the day before, she was almost always up before 6:30. It’s why she’d been so shocked to find it was already 9 the morning after their portraiture session. 

Her watch told her it was twenty-two minutes past six. 

Sensing movement, Cookie stretched and put his face in hers, brushing his whiskers over her cheeks. 

She wrinkled her nose at the tickling sensation. “Okay,” she whispered as he put his wet nose to her brow and licked with the tip of his tongue, “okay.” 

Nico’s arm was still heavy around her waist, but he only stirred a little when she lifted it so she could slide out of bed. 

She fed the cat, drank a glass of water, and went back to the bedroom. 

Nico was still asleep, now sprawled on his back, legs and arms spread wide to take up as much room as possible.

The blankets only covered part of his naked torso. Allowing herself a moment, she admired him, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the relaxed set of his fingers, his slightly open mouth. He was a beautiful man. the fact he was in her bed, that he'd held her all night, made her feel as giddy as a school girl.

Sneaking back into bed was always harder than leaving it. 

She’d just managed to tuck herself into his side, resting her head on his chest, when his arm curled around her back. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said quietly. 

His lips smacked softly. “S’okay,” he mumbled. 

“Do you have practice this morning?” 

She felt him shake his head, chin tracing over the top of her hair at the movement. 

“No practice and no game?” she asked, tracing a finger up the valley between his pecs through the course hair that had been getting thicker through the years. “What are you going to do with yourself?” 

Tightening his arm around her, he nudged Lena on top. She went willingly, draping herself over him. 

“Can think of a few things.” His voice was low and sleepy, and when she looked into his face, she found his eyes were still closed.  

Wonder at how comfortable they were filled her. Of course they were — they’d known each other for more than half a decade. But all these milestones, like waking up in the same bed, were new. She’d never experienced this in a relationship before. There were no nerves eating at her stomach, and no worries about how she looked in the morning plaguing her. He’d seen her in much worse morning states before and never said a thing. It was just Nico, comfortable as always. 

Lying her head on the front of his shoulder, she listened to the steady beat of his heart and the strong rhythm of his breathing. 

That music was lulling her back to sleep when his hand slid up her back, under her sleep shirt. She didn’t know if that part was intentional or not. She supposed it didn’t matter. She still savored the feel of his calloused fingers. 

“Your skin is so soft,” he mumbled as his fingers splayed wide over her spine. 

“So is yours,” she said, adjusting a bit so she could tuck her nose into the base of his neck. He smelled the same as usual, soap and sweat, and that something cedar-y, plus a musky smell she somehow knew only came with sleep.

He chuckled and said something in German. 

“Come again?” she asked, lifting her head. 

One half of his mouth lifted in a smile, dimpling his cheek, but he didn’t offer any other explanation. 

Shaking her head, Lena rested her ear against his shoulder again, sighing when his fingers traced lazily up and down her spine.

Nico couldn’t believe this was his life. Waking up next to Lena was so good. Having her comfortable weight on top of him on a lazy morning? It was such a dream. Even the very fact that he got to touch her like this now felt like a miracle. 

Before he could think it over, his sleepy brain was running his mouth, “I can’t…” 

“You can’t?” she repeated. Her other hand came up to trace the straight line of his collar bone. 

“I can’t believe I get to touch you like this,” he said. 

She smiled and turned her face just enough to press her lips to his skin. It sent an explosion of fizzy, giddy bubbles racing through his stomach. 

“I should have told you sooner.” 

“Me too.” 

Each of them had said some variation of these same sentences each time they’d talked on the phone over the past five days.

“But we’re here now,” she said, fingers trailing over the round musculature of his shoulder and back. She felt a little amazed that she could touch him, too. She’d wanted to for so long, and now, she could. There was nothing holding her back. It felt a little like she’d dropped into a dream.

He took in a deep breath, and she loved feeling his muscles move and shift beneath her. 

“What do you have today?” he asked. 

“Nothing.” 

“Nothing?” he repeated. 

“Nothing but you,” she said, pushing herself up so she could look into his face. 

The smile he gave her was lazy and tired, but it still sent butterflies into flight in her stomach. 

Because she could, because that’s where they were now, she leaned down and kissed him. 

His other hand came up to cradle the back of her head.  

She was kissing him. In the morning. After sleeping next to her all night. Feeling his brain come to life while her sweet mouth was on his? There was nothing better. Nico wouldn't mind waking up like this every morning.

They spent a long while in a sweet, lazy exploration of each other. 

Lena worked one of her hands into his hair as she tipped to the left to deepen the kiss. 

When Nico caught her tongue, sucking gently, a soft moan fell from her mouth into his.  She'd never had someone do that before, and now couldn't imagine kissing without it. 

“I love that sound,” he mumbled, lips whispering over hers. 

She hmm’d and silenced him again with her mouth.

Though they still remained soft, their kisses grew more urgent, as did Nico’s growing erection, which pressed insistently against her thigh. 

The deep desire purring in her belly shifted into a higher gear. 

“Can I use my mouth on you?”

She'd been thinking about it for so long, imagining the pleasured noises she could pull out of him. She’d thought about it so many times while he was gone, she couldn’t wait to bring it to fruition.  The memory of the way he groaned her name when she was touching him had been the fuel for many lonely night sessions with her vibrator.

“Was?” he breathed, certain he hadn't heard her correctly. 

“Can I use my mouth on you?” She repeated, trailing kisses along his jaw for good measure.

Fuck. 

FUCK. 

Was this his real life? He pinched his side and flinched from the pain. He wasn't dreaming, then. Not that he’d really thought that. When he dreamed of her going down on him, it usually started with her lips wrapping around him, not with her asking permission. 

His eyes fluttered open to meet hers. “Has anyone ever said no?”

Her cheeks flushed. “I don't know. This is the first time I've asked. Every other guy I’ve been with requested before I could offer.”

“Did you think I would say no?”

“Maybe? Sometimes, I'm just not in the mood for stuff, you know? I don't want to just start in on something you're not ready for. That's not fair to you.”

He'd never had someone ask before, and the sweet thoughtfulness of it broke him open a little more to her. 

“Only if you want to,” he whispered, leaning up to brush his lips over hers, “and only if I can return the favor.”

Her breath hitched, and her wide eyes darted to his. 

“I’ve been thinking about how you taste since last week,” he confessed, voice gone gravely with the memory of cleaning her release off his fingers.

“Nico,” she whispered as heat pooled between her legs.

“When you sent that picture, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I wanted to do to you.”

“Oh yeah?” 

He nodded, hands sliding up her sides. Her shirt bunched atop his wrists. 

She leaned down so her lips were a breath away from his ear, “and what do you want to do to me?”

Though she had him practically panting, his voice somehow still came out a low tambour. “I want to lick you over that lace before I take it off and make you come on my tongue.”

“Oh my god,” she whispered, core throbbing at the mere thought of it. “I…” 

If someone told her, even just five days ago, that Nico Hischier had such a dirty mouth, Lena wouldn’t have believed them. He was usually so polite. She’d never even imagined him saying something like that.  

She liked this filthy-mouthed side of him she’d never seen before. Why had she waited so damn long to tell him?

Rolling them onto their sides, he pressed his lips to her neck, unable to keep his mouth off of her anymore.

“Do you want me —” her voice dropped into a moan as he pushed her onto her back, licking and sucking along the column of her throat. 

“Yes,” he growled into her skin, “so damn much.” 

“Do you want me to put it on?” she finally managed to ask, gasping the words out before he could steal her breath again.

Lifting his head, his brown eyes met hers. He had that same wide open, loving look in them. “Put what on?” 

Why would she put anything on? He was far more interested in shedding her clothes.

“The lingerie.” 

Oh. 

Well. 

That was a bit different. 

Lena watched his eyes go dark with lust. 

“You’d do that?” he whispered, touched and incredibly turned on.

Nodding, she bit her lip before deciding she could just blurt it out, “I want you to do what you wanted to, and I want to see your reaction.” 

Now that he’d brought up the idea of licking her over her underwear which, what the hell, sounded so hot she could hardly stand it, she needed to feel it. She wanted THAT to be her first experience with his mouth. 

Nico was such an excellent kisser, she knew he would be good at oral. Plus, the idea of wrapping her fingers in his hair as he went down on her? That fantasy had been in regular rotation for years. 

He paused, seemingly caught between saying yes and just continuing as they were. 

Maybe he needed a little more incentive. “What if I put it on to suck you off?” she asked, voice seductive and low in his ear. 

With a soft groan, he buried his face in her neck. He had to admit, fulfilling the initial fantasy that had flooded his mind when she sent that picture was incredibly tempting, and if it included her wearing it to go down on him? That was a fantasy in and of itself. He couldn't find his voice, but he nodded all the same. 

“Meet you in your room in five minutes?” she suggested. 

Five minutes felt like an eternity when she was under him now, but he knew they would be worth it. 

“Okay,”

A few minutes later, she knocked on his doorframe, and he spun. She had a soft looking robe on. Green with matching lace trim. 

He looked almost instantly disappointed. 

“I thought you might want to take it off,” she offered quietly, taking a few steps toward him.

He was still just in his pajama pants, the band of his boxers peeking above the waistband. God, why was that always so sexy? 

Though he appreciated the gesture, Nico shook his head. 

Stopping abruptly, Lena confirmed, “no?” 

Shaking his head again, Nico managed to clear his throat and tell her, “want you to.”

Fingers trembling with excitement, she pulled one end of the tie, slipping it from the bow. 

This was an exercise in a kind of vulnerability Lena had never experienced before. Yes, Nico was her best friend, and she trusted him with her life, but she’d never undressed in front of someone like this. This wasn’t just about seduction. This was about bearing herself to a man she loved and who she knew loved her. There was anticipation, but no nervousness, longing, but no worry. There was love and more love and more love under that. She’d never felt like that before.

This wasn’t some kind of strip tease meant to thrill. No, she was bearing a piece of her soul.

Nico found he was holding his breath and made himself pull air into his lungs. 

Lena grasped the two sides of the robe and pulled them apart until they slipped over her shoulders. The fabric puddled to the floor around her feet. 

 A noise he couldn’t control flew out of his mouth. God, if he thought she looked beautiful in the picture, it was nothing compared to this. To the reality of her standing in front of him. She was real — supple skin and hazel eyes and curves he wanted to spend his entire life traversing — right down to her hands, which were splayed over the flesh of her hips as if she didn’t know what else to do with them. 

She was…she was a goddess. He would worship her every day of the week. “You’re so beautiful, Lena,” he croaked.

“Thank you,” she said, a blush pinking her cheeks. 

“Can you —” he had to pause to clear his throat. 

She nodded encouragingly. 

“Can I see the back?” 

She let out a little giggle and turned for him, looking back over her shoulder.

The back of the bra was fairly standard - straps and a band that was secured by a row of hooks. The underwear were anything but. They cut high on her cheeks and perfectly accentuated the curvature of her hips. His jaw went slack. 

This was a better response than she could have asked for. When she’d bought this set, one of the selling points was how good the panties made her ass look. Having Nico appreciate it to the point of open mouthed silence, sent a delighted thrill through her. 

“Now you?” she said, turning back around and nodding at his pants.

Taking a deep breath, he worked his thumbs under the waistband of his pajamas. Pushing the elastic over his hips, the cotton fell down, and he stepped out of it. 

Lena let out a thick sigh, eyes roaming over him, from the bob of his Adam’s apple and flex of his stomach to the dark hair trailing from his belly button into the elastic band of his briefs and the lighter hair that crept up his thighs. She'd seen all these things before as an artist, but now, she was seeing them as a woman. She didn't have to stuff down her desire or try to channel it through her pencil. She got to admire him as a woman who wanted him. 

When their eyes met again, his were nervous, as if waiting for a verdict. Instead of saying anything, she took the few steps forward, slid her hand to the back of his neck, and nudged him down as she raised herself on tiptoe. 

Their lips met, and that feeling of rightness filled Lena again. As her tongue swept into his waiting mouth, she pressed herself against him. 

Taking the time to savor the feel of the lace beneath his palms, Nico caressed her hips slowly before sliding them around to cradle her rump. 

She broke the kiss, and his hands were suddenly sliding up her body as she lowered onto her knees in front of him. “Shit, Lena,” he breathed. 

A coy, sexy smile took over her face, and Lena leaned in to press her lips to his right thigh. The muscle jumped beneath his skin.

“Wait.” 

Pulling back to sit on her haunches, Lena looked up at him, surprised. No man had ever told her to stop when she was setting up to suck him off. 

Half of Nico’s brain was in his dick, but he needed to get this right. “I went first last time,” he said.

“It’s not like we have to take turns.” 

“I know, but I want to give first.” When she didn’t move, he added on a slightly desperate, “please.” 

She nodded, and he took her hands to pull her to her feet. They turned so her back was facing the bed, and he smiled indulgently at the way she had to do a little hop to sit on the mattress. 

“Lay back,” he said. 

She scooted up to the pillows and did as he instructed.

She was a fantasy in his dark sheets. 

Biting his lip, he paused to admire her for a moment before climbing onto the bed and covering her body with his. As their mouths met in a passionate, desperate kiss, he settled between her legs. He rutted his hips into her, and she moaned. The sound made him heady, and he did it again just to hear it. If they kept that up, he would be begging her to let him fuck her right then. But he knew from fingering her the week before that she would need to be relaxed and stretched a bit before she could take him comfortably. Plus, now that she was in his bed in this lingerie, he had to bring his desires to life. And he really fucking wanted his mouth on her. 

He broke from the kiss and trailed his lips over her chin and down her neck and chest. Too impatient to wait, his mouth found her pebbled nipple, teasing it through the fabric of her bra. 

Lena had never felt anything so hot in her life. Her hands wove into his hair, and she moaned. “Nico. Oh my god.”

He moved on too quickly, but before she could complain, his lips were skimming over her stomach, down to the band of her panties. The memory of his confession crashed into her mind. 

I want to lick you over that lace before I take it off and make you come on my tongue.

She writhed beneath him.

He nosed her mound gently, playfully, and glanced up to her face. “This is still okay?” 

“Yes!” she hissed, voice pulled tight. “Please, Nico.”

Who was he to deny what she wanted? 

Spreading her thighs with his hands, he leaned in and trailed his nose up the gusset of her underwear. His mouth started to water. Shit, she smelled so good. 

He couldn’t hold back any longer. His tongue met the lace, licking a slow stripe up the center. He could almost taste her through the fabric. The sweet, tangy flavor he'd been craving for a week was so close. 

Lena could almost feel him. There was pressure, and the heat from his breath was there, but the full stimulation of his tongue wasn't. Experiencing him like this was so hot, the anticipation of feeling him built and built until it felt like she may just explode. She let out a wanton moan of his name.

He teased her until her hips were grinding up, and her breathing was coming out in hot puffs. He teased her until he couldn’t take it anymore. 

She whined when he pulled back but cut the noise off when his fingers slipped into the band of her underwear and started pulling it down. Desperate to please, she lifted her hips, allowing him to peel them from her body more easily.

He took his time, running his hands down her legs, and when the fabric was free, he brought it to his nose just to work himself up a little more. His dick twitched.

“Fuck,” she whispered. Who knew her polite, cheerful Nico had this side to him? 

He almost wished he was still wearing pants so he could slip her panties into his pocket. Instead, he tossed them over the side of the bed. He’d pick them up later. 

Settling between her legs again, he looked up to meet her gaze over the expanse of her body. Propped up on her elbows, her chest rose and fell, testing the limits of her bra with every inhale. He could hardly stand it.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.”

She blushed. How did he know exactly what to say? Could he read her thoughts or something? 

“You’ll tell me if you don’t like something,” he verified, “or if you want something else?” 

Only after she nodded did he get to work, plunging his face between her thighs like he’d been dreaming of for years. 

A sense of deep satisfaction rumbled in his chest when she cried out.

She tasted the same, like he remembered, and better: sweet and tangy and fresh. He couldn't get enough. He licked and kissed and teased and tasted.

Falling back against his pillows, Lena moaned his name. 

Her left hand found its way into his hair again, weaving the long, soft strands through her fingers. The reality of this fantasy coming true made her shake as much as his clever tongue did. 

He moved to lap at her entrance, which was not where she wanted him at all.

“Nico, I –” her voice cut off with a moan as his nose nudged her clit. 

Fuck it. Tightening her fingers into a fist, she tugged on his hair, guiding his mouth where she needed it.

He grunted into her as his lips surrounded her throbbing pearl, so eager for his attention.

“There,” her voice was a breathy pant that made his heart race, “right there, Nico.” 

Hands tightening on her thighs, he feasted. 

Her hips shifted, and even though it made it near impossible for him to breathe, he kept on, intent on his mission. 

“Suck.” 

It took half a second for his brain to understand her word as a command. He obeyed, and the groan she let out made him light headed. Or maybe that was the lack of oxygen. It didn’t matter. There was no way he was stopping until she was falling apart beneath him. 

He thought briefly about using his fingers, but no. He wanted to make her come like this first. 

His lips and tongue continued working their magic on her. Pressure built and tingled in her pelvis until it spread, shooting down her legs and making her toes curl. 

“Nico,” she gasped. 

When he glanced up, he found her right hand cupping her breast, thumb and forefinger teasing the peak of her nipple through the lace of her bra. The sight of it — of her adding to her own pleasure — made his eyes roll back. 

The vibration of his groan lit her on fire. It was the final push she needed to tip over the edge. 

She crashed in an explosion of color and sound as his eager mouth kept working, sending wave after wave of ecstasy rushing through her body.

The pleasured noises she chanted were the most beautiful music he’d ever heard. She pulsed under his mouth, and he lapped at her release. He wanted to drink from her fountain for the rest of his life. 

Coming back to herself, Lena pushed him away from her core before the overstimulation could turn into pain. 

The sight of him — eyes hooded with desire, mouth and chin wet with her orgasm — made her moan again as he pushed himself up. 

Nico felt drunk. Drunk on her pleasure and the fact that he’d been the one to pull it out of her. 

He licked his lips, pulling more of her release into his mouth before wiping his face with the back of his hand.

He lay next to her and slid his hand over her stomach, letting it come to rest comfortably cupping her breast.

Lena was flat on her back, trying to get her breathing back to a normal rhythm. 

“Oh my god,” she finally managed to gasp. 

“It was good?” he asked. 

“Yes!” she smacked his chest when she said it. “I don’t… I mean…” 

He smiled as she tried to find the words. 

Turning her head, she met his gaze. “I never knew you were so nasty.” 

“I wasn’t mean,” he defended, hurt that she was accusing him. 

“No, like kinky.” 

He hated this part of speaking English. Why did so many words have so many different meanings that they already had words for?

“It’s kinky that I like the way you smell and taste?” 

“I’ve never — I mean no one has ever…”

“It was my first time with you,” he said, nuzzling his nose into her neck. “I wanted to savor it.”

“Speaking of, I think it’s your turn,” she said coyly, pressing a hand to his shoulder. She shoved, and he flopped onto his back without protest. 

She climbed over him, straddling his torso. 

Finally feeling the weight of her on top of him was heaven. She was tethering him down to earth. 

Her hot wetness against his skin made him twitch. He couldn't wait to bury himself inside her. Just imagining how tight and wet she'd feel around him made him moan.  

“I haven't even touched you yet,” she smirked. 

“I want you so bad.” The words slipped out in German. He started to translate, but she cut him off. 

“I got the idea,” she said seductively as she leaned down to kiss him. She could taste herself on his lips and tongue as she did her best to work him up with her mouth alone.  

The way he moaned sent a bolt of desire through her. Unable to stop herself, she rutted her hips against the hard wall of his stomach. 

He choked out a curse, head tipping back into the pillows. 

Taking advantage, she connected her mouth to his throat, feeling his Adams apple move under her lips as he swallowed hard. 

“Lena.” 

She moved to the other side of his neck. 

His hands slipped to her hips, desperate to touch her. 

As she slid down his body, her core passed over his, causing gentle pressure on his cock through the confining material of his boxers. His hips thrust up, desperate for more. 

Bracing on his chest, Lena pushed herself up and ground her hips down on his. 

Lashes fluttering, his eyes rolled back, and he gripped her hips with more ferocity. 

She’d never had this kind of power over a man before. It made her heady with the want to tease him until he begged.

“Lena,” he groaned, almost as if in pain. 

“Hmm?”

“I’m —” he gasped as she reached around, unclasped her bra, and took it off. She threw it across the room.

“I’m gonna come if you keep doing that,” he warned as she rocked against him.

“Is that so bad?” she asked, her voice thrown into mock innocence. 

“I — fuck.” She was riling him up and he loved it. “Want to feel your mouth,” he finally managed to say. 

“What if I want to hear you beg?”

His eyes shot open, pupils blown wide. Her tone was playful, as were her eyes, and mirth dripped from her smile. He knew if he said he didn’t like it, she’d stop right away. Except, with her on top of him, he found he was ready to do whatever she wanted. 

“Lena.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Fuck, Lena. Please.” If she wanted him to beg, he’d beg. 

“Please what?” she asked innocently, lowering her mouth over his nipple. He twitched against her as her tongue circled the small peak before flicking over the top of it. 

His breath practically huffed out of his lungs. 

“I want your mouth,” he groaned. “Please.”

“You do have very good manners,” she complimented, pushing herself up again. 

They were going to go out the window if she didn't do something soon. “Please.”

If he didn’t know her sliding further down his body likely meant he would feel her mouth soon, he would have whined at the loss of stimulation. 

Once she found herself over his legs, Lena leaned down to kiss that trail of dark hair that wound its way down the center of his abs and dipped into the waistband of his boxer briefs. 

“Can I take these off?” she asked as her fingers tucked under the elastic. 

“Please,” bracing on his heels, he thrust his hips up so she could remove them, breathing a sigh of relief when his cock sprung free of the confining material. 

“How do you like it?” she asked, hands caressing up his thighs. 

He gulped. “I —” 

“Or do you just want me to start, and you can tell me if you don’t like something?” 

He nodded vigorously. The thing he wanted most was for her to just put her mouth on him. He’d dreamed of it so many times, and now, here she was, leaning over him. 

The guttural groan that tore from his chest as Lena wrapped her lips around the head of his cock surprised them both. Her eyes shot up to look at his face, making sure he wasn’t in pain. His eyes were glued to her, wide with adoration and lust. The sight of her with her lips around him — he could die a happy man. 

“You feel so good,” he groaned. 

She loved that when he got worked up, his accent thickened.

 One of her hands was braced on his thigh, while the other swept up to cradle his balls, stroking the sensitive skin with her thumb.

The only thing Nico could do was chant her name. Every time he tried to say something else, she did something new, hollowing her cheeks, or sensuously licking the tip, or moving her mouth to the underside of his cock so her open lips traced the vein there, the tip of her tongue whispering between them. 

When her lips wrapped around him again, he was gone. “Gonna –-”  he only managed to get that one word out before he was exploding into her hot, heavenly mouth.

She squeaked in surprise but relished sucking his release off and feeling it slide down her throat. 

She lay beside him, watching Nico gasping in breaths, contented to have brought out this side of him. 

“Holy shit,” he said. 

“It was good?” she asked, repeating his earlier question and trying not to giggle. 

Turning his head, he glanced at her, one eyebrow raised. 

Before either of them could respond, her stomach grumbled loudly. 

Her eyes widened, and her hand flew to cover it, “Sorry, I’ve usually eaten by this time.”

“You don't need to apologize,” he said, laughing. 

“Why aren’t you all grumbly?” she asked. 

“I…ate a protein bar while you were getting changed,” he admitted. 

“You – what? And you didn't even think to share?” she demanded, playfully shoving away from him. “Some boyfriend you are.”

He smiled at being called her boyfriend,  even through the insult. 

“Sharing your food is like boyfriend 101.”

“I did order breakfast,” he offered. 

“When?”  

“Last night. It should be here in,” he glanced at the clock on his nightstand, “fifteen minutes. I kind of forgot how early you wake up.”

“Nico Hischier,” she said, voice full of teasing admonition as she crawled over him, “did you plan to seduce me this morning?”

He grinned, and she laughed as he pulled her down. She bounced on his chest. “Maybe I did. Aren't you glad I at least planned ahead?”

Pulling back to look into his face, her smile was soft and full of love. “Yes,” she said, leaning down to kiss him. “Yes, I am.” 

While waiting for breakfast to arrive, they made out, slowly and passionately, hands tracing each others bodies with a reverent tenderness Lena had always dreamed of. 

He was starting to stiffen up against her thigh again. It seemed impossible he could be nearly ready to go so soon after coming. He really did have the body of a God. 

His phone buzzed on the nightstand, and he pulled away reluctantly. 

“That’s breakfast,” he said. 

“Guess we should go get it,” she said, though she didn’t make any moves to get off of him. 

“I’ll go,” he said, pressing a quick kiss to her pouty, over-kissed mouth, “you stay here.” 

She watched as he threw on a new pair of boxers, some joggers, and a t-shirt before strolling out of the apartment. 

“Have you seen my underwear?” she asked when he came back through the door, a bag from her favorite bagel shop in one hand, and two coffees in a carrier in the other. 

“Hu?” he asked, slipping the coffees onto the table. 

“My underwear,” she said. “I couldn’t find them in your room.” 

“Weird,” he said, hoping she wouldn’t pick up on the hot flush of his cheeks. 

“Do you have them?” she asked. When all he responded with was a non-committal grunt, she surmised, “they’re in your pocket, aren’t they?”

He couldn’t keep the little smile off of his face. 

She rolled her eyes and took the iced coffee. “It’s a good thing I love you.” 

His smile grew brighter, and he handed her her sandwich. 

“No one’s ever made me feel like you do, Nico.”

 He’d just been telling her he felt like he won the lottery, and she wanted to assure him she felt the same. 

“Like no ones made you come?” he asked, licking ketchup off his thumb.

“No. Well, I mean, yes. You’re better because you listen —”

A smug smile took over his face. 

“I mean that you accept me. Like all of me. That hadn’t really happened in my life before you.” 

His brows shot up.

“I don’t think my family really knew what to do with me,” she said, picking up the other half of her ham and egg sandwich. 

“What do you mean?” 

“They’re all sporty, you know, and I’m…not. I’ve always been this creative free spirit, and I think my parents were at a bit of a loss when I was so bad at skating and said I wanted to take drawing lessons instead.”

“They love your art, though.” Nico had met her parents, and both of them seemed extremely proud of her. 

“They’re better now, but when I was in primary school, and even up to the point that you came in, it always felt a bit like they resented that I had these talents.” 

“Resented?” he asked. 

“Yeah, like they wished I was more like the rest of the family.”

His brows drew together. 

“And don’t get me started on the boys on the team.” 

“Everyone really liked you. I think every guy on the team had a crush on you.” All the more reason to feel contented he had her now.

“Listen, you don’t get it.”

“Don’t I?” 

“No. You were always good at sport and popular, right?” 

He made a non-commital noise. Popularity in North America was very different from how he grew up. There was much more comparison than he ever experienced. 

“I was always the artsy girl in a place that worships sports.”

“But you came to sports?”

“Yeah,” one of her shoulders shrugged up, “I came to support my friends, but they hardly ever came to things to support me. I remember Robbie told me once, ‘I don’t have enough culture for that,’ when I invited him to an art show I had some pieces in.” 

Robbie had been their goalie, who had brought Lena into the friend group. He and Jessica were now married and had several children. 

Nico’s heart broke a little. 

“And then you came in and not only did you not treat me like the only thing I was good for was being looked at, you knew some things about art, and you actually talked to me about it.”

In fact, She still vividly remembered her first encounter with Nico. 

She’d been sitting on the refreshments counter at the rink, drawing in her ever-present sketchbook while Jessica puttered around the tiny kitchen. He’d walked up to her, asked if he could see, and said, “that’s very good,” when she showed him.

She’d blushed and thanked him, and he asked where she learned to draw. 

Jessica had interjected then, bragging about Lena’s painting skills, and telling him he should come see them at the school the next time he was there.

He’d then given Lena his trademark dimpled smile and said he would. 

She was used to this. Boys said this all the time, but then would never actually show. 

Lo and behold, three days later, she was shocked to find Nico outside the art classroom after school, studying one of her paintings Mr. Jacobsen had hung in the hallway. 

“Hey Nico.”

He startled a little, “hi, Lena. You did this, right?” 

She nodded. 

“It’s very good. I like the shape,” he said, then frowned, shaking his head slightly, “not the shape. The,” he gestured with his hands as if dividing the three sections of the painting, the sky, forrest and field. “What’s the word for this?” he asked, repeating the gesture. 

“The composition?” she guessed. 

“Yes, the composition,” he said, relieved that she understood what he was trying to say. “I like that the sky is bigger. It feels like that here.” 

“Thank you.” It was exactly what she’d been aiming for. 

“You’re very talented,” he said, turning to look at her. He met her eyes and smiled. 

“Thank you,” she said again, wishing she had some other way to respond to his compliments. She didn’t have much experience with the nice, cute boy in school talking to her about art and pulling out words like composition and knowing how to use them properly in a sentence. 

It had started their friendship. It was amazing how that simple interaction of him following through made her feel. Not only seen in so many ways, but also that it kicked the budding crush she had on him into hyperdrive. She’d never met another man like him. 

Pink splotches rose high on his cheeks, and he gave her a chagrined smile. 

“What?” she asked, laughing. 

“I didn’t know much about art,” he said. “I went home and looked it up so I could talk to you about it.”

His confession made her heart burst, “really?” 

He nodded, “you were passionate about it, and I wanted to know you, so I had to learn so we could talk.”

“Nico, I can’t believe you did that for me.” 

He blushed and smiled some more. 

“How are you even real?” she asked, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. 

It called up memories of not that long ago when she had her fingers tangled in his hair for a different reason. “Real?” he asked. 

“You’re like a dream,” she said, hand slipping to cup his jaw. “Kind and thoughtful and dedicated, and handsome to boot. It’s like you’re too perfect to be real.” 

He laughed, loud and open. He couldn’t think of anyone further from perfect than himself. 

After their meal and brushing their teeth, Nico spent some more time between her legs, eating a second and third breakfast, using his beautiful hands to aid in bringing her to a crest twice more. 

“Fuck,” she breathed as he lay next to her, “how did you get so good at that?” 

He laughed, wiping his face with his hand. “I don’t know. I listen.” 

“You listen?” she repeated. 

“Yeah, you make this little ‘uh,’” he imitated a high pitched grunt, “noise when you feel good, so I do whatever I just did again when you make it.” 

Rolling onto her side, she looked at him, “I do?” 

He nodded. 

“When did you notice that?” 

“Last week. You told me what to do and then made that noise when I did it. So I tired it again,” he said with a shrug and a secret little smile.

She knew Nico was used to noticing things other people didn’t. It’s what made him a good hockey player. He noticed and noted things about players and teams and used them to put together his best game possible. He even noticed things about her - like the fact that she liked pistachio flavored things, and liked to paint on the right side of the living room and that she liked a margarita. She couldn't remember ever telling him these things, but he had pistachio creamer in his fridge, moved the living room furniture around, and brought her a margarita whenever they went out together. 

“You’re something else, Nico Hischier,” Lena said, bringing her hand up to the side of his face. 

He smiled, nuzzling his cheek into her palm. 

“What do you want?” he asked. He wanted her, but if she wanted more foreplay, he would give it to her. He just wanted her to be happy. 

Scooting closer, she slung a leg over his hip. She held eye contact as she said, “I want you to make love to me, Nico.” 

His hand slid onto her thigh, up to her hip, and over the curve of her waist in a reverent exploration. “How do you want it? Like, what position?” he asked. 

“Missionary,” she said, her fingers tracing over his collar bone and onto his chest. “I want to see you.” 

It struck him as a tender thing for her to request, and he was glad for it. He wanted to see her, too. They could try more intense positions later. For now, that was how it needed to be. 

“Where are you going?” she asked when he rolled away from her. 

He glanced back at her with a cheeky smile. “Eager,” he teased with a lingering scan of her body as he reached into the drawer of his bedside table. 

She snorted. 

“I’m getting a condom,” he said, holding up the foil wrapped package once he’d dug one out. 

“Oh,” she said. “I have an IUD if you don’t want to.” 

His next breath came shallow. 

“I mean, unless you’re not clean. I haven’t had unprotected sex since I was last tested.”

He didn’t like to think of her having any sex at all unless it was with him. “We get tested at the start of every season,” he said. “All clear. I haven’t had sex since then.” 

“Then,” she reached forward to pluck the condom from his fingers, relieved she hadn’t been the only celibate one for the last three months, “I don’t think we need to use one.” She tossed it behind him. It landed on the nightstand, skidded across the surface, and fell somewhere they could find later. “I don’t want anything between us.”

Her eyes were dark with desire, and he felt it through his whole body. 

“You’re incredible,” he said reverently, bringing his body next to hers again. 

She reached between them to stroke his erection and his eyes fluttered closed. Feeling her hand reminded him how quickly he’d come in her mouth. “I’m scared I won’t last,” he admitted. 

He’d dreamed of being inside her for so long, gotten himself off to the thought of it so many times, he might just explode the second it became real. Reality shortening his fuze to next to nothing.

“Nico.” 

He met her gaze. 

“I don’t care how long you last.” Lena was struck once again with how handsome he was. Those big, brown doe eyes and pouty mouth. How was this her life? 

He scoffed. 

“I’m serious,” she said, giving him a look that told the truth. “I just want to feel you.” 

He looked almost as if he might cry. 

“And I know if you do come too fast, you’ll make it up to me. You’ve already given me four orgasms and it’s not even ten in the morning.” 

He chuckled, glad for her reassurance and humor. 

“Is this helping?” she asked, continuing at the same, gentle pace, “or no?” 

He nodded. It probably was helping - getting him used to the feel of her.

“Do you want me to keep going?” 

He shook his head, finally getting up the strength to pull her hand away. They’d waited long enough. 

Lena rolled onto her back, and he followed, bracing himself on his forearms above her. 

As he reached down go guide himself, Nico pulled in a deep breath. Slow. They were going to take this slow, and everything was going to be fine.

Even nestling his tip against her entrance sent sparks pinging through his system. 

He tore his eyes from where their bodies would soon be joined and looked into her face, “this is okay?”

She nodded.

“You’ll tell me if —” 

She leaned up to cut him off with a kiss. “Make love to me, Nico,” she whispered as she settled back against the pillows. 

And so, he eased forward. 

Her hips tipped to his, a pleasured sigh escaping her lips. There was a stretch, but he’d prepped her so well, there was no pain. 

She met his gaze as his hips settled against hers. He was looking at her with all this love and adoration. No one had ever looked at her like that but him. Reaching up, she swept some of his hair out of his eyes, only to have it fall right back. 

A laugh chuffed out of him as if to agree that was a losing battle.  

“You can move,” she said after a few more moments of his trembling stillness. 

He swallowed and shifted his hips back. 

She took in a sharp breath. “Oh.”

“Feels good?” his voice was tight with restraint. 

The fullness of him was good, but feeling him move inside her was better. “Yes,” she moaned. 

A thousand little dreams came true.  

The sight of her beneath him was a replay of so many fantasies, his resolve was unraveling too fast. He knew she meant what she said about him coming too soon, but he wanted to be good for her, and, dammit, he wanted to feel her fall apart around him. He slammed his eyes closed. 

“How does it,” she gasped as he withdrew to the tip, “feel?” 

“You feel so good, Lena,” he panted. “You’re so tight.”

“Or you’re so thick,” she countered, back arching as he thrust back onto her, a little harder.

That’s when she heard it, that little grunt. It was something her body seemed to do naturally. She would never have noticed it if Nico hadn’t pointed it out. And he’d picked up on it almost immediately, filing the information in his beautiful brain to help bring her pleasure. What had she ever done to deserve this man?

Nico risked looking at her. She was beautiful every time he saw her, but this took the cake.

“What do you need? What will make you come?” 

Of course Nico was mature enough to communicate and know he needed her help to get her there.

“Keep going,” she panted as her hand slipped between them in search of her clit. Nico felt so good. So incredible inside her, but she'd never been able to get off by penetration alone. 

His jaw dropped as her walls fluttered around him. “Fuck can't do that,” he groaned. 

“Need it,” she whispered, pressing purposeful circles over the sensitive bundle. 

He moaned her name and buried his face in her neck. She felt so much better than he'd even fantasized. 

She made a noise that made his hair stand on end. God, how was he going to get through this without embarrassing himself when she sounded like that? Like more than all of his dreams combined?

“Nico,” she moaned his name the same way, and he felt his resolve crumble a little bit more. 

Pulling from every self discipline lesson he'd learned in hockey and beyond, he stilled, reminding his body his mind was more powerful. 

Once he had some semblance of control back, his competitive determination snapped into place, and his desire to please her took the drivers seat. He needed to see her come beneath him.

“Can you…” she trailed off before demanding, “Nico, harder.”

He braced lifted himself higher and drove his cock into her with more ferocity, grunting with each show of strength. 

“Oh my god. Nico, yes!” Feeling his strong hips drive into her over and over again made her back bow.

Sweat broke out along his hairline just as much from exertion as the restraint he was clinging to. 

“I’m almost there.”

“Let go,” he growled. 

Her mouth dropped open. She never expected to hear Nico order her around at all, but hearing the gruff command in SwissGerman sent her body into a frenzy. She had no idea what he said, but it was the hottest fucking thing she'd ever heard. 

Her hips rose to meet his, and he could still feel her fingers between them, working for her own high. 

He watched pleasure roll across her face and continued on.  “Lena,” his resolve was slipping, and he heard desperation creep into his voice. “Come.”  

That one word order — she knew it had to be — tipped her over the precipice, and her body seized.

Feeling her walls clench around him pulled a shout from his gut. Fuck, she felt so good. As he continued, the rapid pulsating began. 

“Lena,” it came out a desperate moan.

This was…she was… “Lena.”

Careening over the edge with a shouted, “Fuck!” he flooded her in a haze of bliss. 

Afterglow turned his limbs to jelly, and he collapsed atop her. 

Walking to his locker the next morning, Nico tried his best to be as inconspicuous as possible. If he didn’t draw attention to the hickeys on his neck and chest, no one would notice. He’d just change with his chest facing the stall. 

“Ooh!” Dawson called out as soon as he’d stripped off his shirt, “Cap finally got laid!”

He went rigid. The memory of Lena’s nails raking over his back as she unraveled beneath him for the fourth - or maybe it was the fifth - time flew into his mind. 

He'd nearly howled like a wolf when she'd done it. The pain, together with the pleasure of her walls constricting around him – not to mention the very reality that he was the one making her come so hard – made him see stars. 

“Whose the lucky lady?” Jack asked, sauntering over, “was it that blonde from the bar? I bet it was the blonde.” 

He felt himself snort. “No,” he said, voice louder than he expected. Of course it wasn’t the blonde from the bar. Some girl he’d just met could never compare.

“Who was it then? We all know it wasn’t Lena.” 

Nico couldn’t help the smug little smile that spread over his lips. 

Jonas picked up on it right away. “it was Lena wasn’t it?” he asked, eyes going wide. 

Feeling himself blush, Nico tried and failed to keep the grin off his face.

“It was!” Jack exclaimed. “You finally got the balls!” he clapped a hand on Nicos shoulder and spun him around, taking in the marks on his chest and neck. “Looks like she enjoyed herself at least!” he said with a laugh.

“Aw man,” Dawson moaned, sinking onto the bench at his stall. “Why are all the hot girls taken?” 

“You didn’t seriously think you had a chance with Lena, did you?” Curtis chirped, one sarcastic eyebrow raised. 

Dawson shrugged, feeling his face and neck get hot. 

“Didn’t you see the way she and Nico have been eye fucking each other the past four months? Neeks was practically on his knees at Halloween.” 

“I was not,” Nico defended. 

“No,” Jack broke in, “you were. You were practically drooling, to be honest.” 

Coming home after practice, the apartment smelled heavenly. Like spicy sausage and something creamy. Lena was cooking. 

He followed his nose to the kitchen and found her at the stove in a pair of running shorts and a gray Devils t-shirt, stirring whatever she had in the sauce pot. 

As he watched, she brought the spoon to her mouth, tipped her head to the side as she tasted, then reached for the salt. She shook some in before stirring and repeating the process.

She must have deemed it done because she set the spoon down and flipped off the burner. She grabbed some hot pads and lifted the pot off the stove. 

A yelp escaped her mouth when Lena turned to find Nico in the doorway, looking at her. She nearly dropped the whole pot of sauce. 

 “Oh my God! Why do you do that?” she demanded, managing to set the pot back on the stove. 

An amused smile lifted his mouth, dimpling one cheek more than the other. “Do what?” 

“You keep just showing up in the kitchen without any warning!” she said, flapping a hot pad in his direction, “and it scares the hell out of me when I turn around.” 

“I just get too distracted to say hello,” he admitted. 

“Distracted?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, you’re…” he paused, gesturing to her as he tried to find the right words. “You’re so pretty it steals my thoughts sometimes.”

She blushed. 

“That time I came in when you had that pink underwear on, I thought I might faint.”

She rolled her eyes. 

“I’m serious, Lena,” he said, finally stepping in so he could put his hands on her waist. The fact that he could touch her like this now was still banging pots and pans around his brain each time he did it.

“You thought you might faint?” she repeated. “that seems a little dramatic, Nico.” 

He shrugged, “it was like this stolen moment.”

“What?” 

He paused, working his thumbs under the shirt hanging loose on her petite frame. He loved that she’d started wearing his shirts.

“I loved you for so long, and it was like this little, secret gift.” His thumbs drew circles on her skin as he thought through the words, “it was like I was seeing you like I might if we were together, and I just couldn’t…I couldn’t bear to say anything because it would break it.”

“I thought you were shocked at my thighs,” she blurted, effectively running the moment. What he was saying was so incredibly sweet, but him bringing up that moment brought her straight back. 

He laughed quietly. “I was shocked at your thighs. I don’t think I’d ever seen you in your underwear.” 

“I mean…I thought you didn’t like them,” she said quietly, hoping he didn’t think she was fishing for compliments. The way he’d tenderly kissed her there the night before told her she’d been wrong. 

His gaze grew soft, “you’re so beautiful, Lena. How could you think that?” 

One of her shoulders shrugged up. “I’ve never really liked them.”

His hand slid down over her hip to tenderly grip the flesh, “I love them,” he said, leaning in closer to nuzzle his nose against hers. “I especially like what’s between them.” 

“You’re insatiable,” she teased, even as her heart fluttered. It was a strange thing to have her insecurities turned inside out so easily. 

“Can you blame me?” he asked, lips whispering over hers, “when I’ve wanted you for so long, and now,” he slid his other hand to her other thigh, and tightened his fingers, nudging her to jump. She did, and he moved to cup her rear to hold her up as her ankles hooked around his waist. “Now I have you?” The truth in his statement, along with the feel of her body pressed against his, made him a little breathless.

The steps they’d taken to get here were clear, and she followed them again and again in her mind, but in moments like this, it still felt like a dream. Instead of answering, she kissed him.

They’d kissed a lot now, but it still felt so new that each time she initiated, each time she caught his mouth, and especially each time her tongue brushed against his, his knees went a little weak. 

Stumbling just slightly, he backed up and ran into the fridge. The bottles in the door clinked and rattled in protest. 

The sauce and baked potatoes were long forgotten as he carried her to the bedroom.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Playlist

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[featherandferns]

daylight - prologue

jj maybank x fem!reader | prologue of the daylight series

content warnings: none

word count: 537

blurb: people-watching at a kegger, you find your new muse through your camera lens

His eyes are perfect. They reflect the setting sun like a still lake of water reflects treelines and sky. Clear, crisp and clean. They’re somewhere between blue and green. They remind you of a marsh pond or natural lake, enclosed within shrubs and trees, weeping willows and that sort of thing. His eyelashes are the things that girls would envy: long and naturally curled. Why do men always have such great eyelashes? It’s never fair. 

You watch as crow's feet appear beside his eyes. He must be smiling. Your focus is on his side profile, gazing at him through the viewfinder of your camera. That small mark of technology makes you feel less creepy in your staring. When he laughs, he shifts out of focus and view, shaking with his humour, eyes crinkled and bright. Something about it makes you smile too, as if you’re in on the joke. It’s a small smile. Secretive. He has dimples, you realise. An almost symmetrical smile that is somehow resigned and assertive at once. He’s mesmerising. It’s like he was meant to exist through a camera lens. You take the opportunity to snap a shot the moment he’s back in focus. Two. One more and - yes, perfect. 

You like photographing most things. Nature, people, sports, still-life: you weren’t picky. But eyes - oh, those are your favourite. It has always been a weird obsession of yours. There’s just something about them. They hold so much character; so much emotion, so much feeling. William Shakespeare once said, ‘the eyes are the window to the soul’, and you had to agree. This nameless boy’s eyes are the perfect example. 

But then you realise that you’re seeing his eyes from a whole new angle. 

They’re staring right at you.  

You quickly dart away. Lift the camera up and to the right, as if you’re photographing the sparse treeline which lines the beach. There’s a small thrum of anxiety in your throat which you swallow. You don’t dare look back to where he is. Instead, you distract yourself by adjusting the focus of the camera and zooming in on the branches, hoping to spot some wildlife. A bird is perched on a branch and you take a mundane photo before lowering your camera. You inspect the picture. Then, you finally brave a look to where the boy had been standing before. He’s gone. Phew. As the ‘new girl’ in town, the last thing you needed was the tagline of ‘stalker’. It was intrusive of you to photograph a stranger rather than striking up conversation like any normal person, but the kegger had been overwhelming. Everyone knew each other. Friends upon friends; groups and gangs of teenagers; hell, even the tourists all huddled together like lifelong pals. You felt on the outside. You always liked to people watch. Get a feel for the crowd and the people from a safe distance, your camera acting like a shield.

Looking down to mess with the settings, you take one more glance around to see if you can spot him. He seems to have vanished. Sighing, you lift your camera once more and turn your attention to another crowd of people at the beach, and you continue snapping away. 

read the next part here

[crushedbyhyperbole]

Cherry Pie Kiss

Slice Two

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!reader

Summary: Out on the hunt, out of state and out of options; with your life on the line, Dean makes a call you're not happy with. Just when you thought you couldn't take any more, he brings a peace offering.

Haven't read Part One? - Catch up here.

Words: ~3.5k

A/N: This is part 2 of 3 of what started as a short one shot, but someone asked for another slice of pie so I'm here to deliver. There isn't any smut in this part (its all going to be in part 3 😂) but there are graphic depictions of gore, violence and death which is why I ask minors not to read or interact. Reader is female but generic, and obviously has feelings but is kind of stuck in this hate to love him type thing which carries on from part 1. I hope you enjoy the read and are ready for the goonfest and gratuitous smut coming in part 3.

Warnings: gore, death and gruesome depictions of canon-type violence, profanity as standard for my work, bit of angst, bit of fluff right at the end.

***Minor do not read or interact***

Dean Winchester.  You hate him.  His saviour complex, his unwavering strength, the way he’s so damn selfish though not in the ways that count… But boy, can he wear a pair of jeans.  Phew-ee!

You hate that you can’t stop looking at him, leaning on the jukebox of the bar you’re in, feeding it quarters in exchange for some feel-good tunes.  Ugh!  Asshole!

Tonight had been a tough night.  Even Sam was feeling the burn.  Out on the hunt, out of state and out of options, the three of you had played a Hail Mary and it had paid off.  Those damn vamps had just kept on coming.  Sam was down and you were in a bad way with what felt like a hoard of those fuckers piling into the abandoned factory to make a meal out of you all.  Starting out, you had all been so sure that you had this little group in the bag but, as per usual with these goddamn things, the plan didn’t pan out.

Dean had dragged you and a semi-conscious Sam into a tight space between the machines.  One way in, one way out.  You were both toast if you were found and of course you would be found; the vamps had your scent.

Groggily, you watched dean uncoil something from his pocket and string it across the opening at about neck height.

“Guitar string.”  He winked at you as if this idea was the best idea he had ever had and should have been plan A from the start.

“We’re fucking bait?”  You hissed furiously.  No, surely not?  Dean would never use his brother as bait.  Would he?  “Goddamn asshole!”  You snarled with as much vitriol you could muster between your gasping breaths and painful ribs.

He just gave you that weary look he had been wearing for the past hour and shrugged his shoulders before pulling out his machete and hiding himself out of sight.  “Get ready.”

You brandished your blade and hauled yourself to your feet, ready to fight.  There was no point wasting any more breath insulting him.  If you got out of this alive, you would have plenty of opportunity to call him all the names under the sun.  IF you got out alive.

The first vamps that found you came rushing in, right down the tight alley framed by the large machinery and with a sharp twang, Dean’s trap garrotted them straight through, taking their heads clean off.  Of the next three, the wire took the first two but the third approached cautiously despite you calling him to come get you.

Dean ran out from his hiding place and attacked the vamp from behind, slashing at the guy’s thick neck twice in order to cut all the way through.  As the body fell you saw why the vamp had stopped – the trap had remnants of flesh and blood along it from its previous victims making it easier to see.  You wiped your sleeve along it to clean the bits of hanging flesh off making it almost invisible again. Dean gave you an impressed nod.

Another two vamps fell to the wire but the last one got snagged as she fell, snapping it and making it useless.  Well, it was a good idea while it lasted, you thought.

It took you two a little while longer to attract the remaining few vamps who obviously knew something was up.  Sam was in no fit state, still groaning on the ground.  You were weak and in a lot of pain but you kept swinging your blade, struggling to breathe let alone stand.

The fight had been brutal and both you and Dean were covered in blood by the time it was over.  You were on your knees, slumped over a vamp you had had to hack into to remove the head, your blade surely blunt by now.  You were ready to close your eyes and give up when Dean pulled you to your feet.

“C’mon,” he said gruffly, “up and at’em.”  Helping you out over the pile of decapitated bodies, he hauled a now mostly conscious Sam through the mess.

You had made it to the Impala and, for once, Dean hadn’t grumbled about getting blood on Baby’s seats but throwing a couple blankets down instead.  Sam slumped in the front while you crawled in the back, weary and sore.  Your eyes met Dean’s in the rearview mirror but yours flicked away immediately, unable to look at him without getting angry.  When you looked back so did he, like he knew you’d be looking, and held on, asking if you were okay without actually asking.  If he really cared he wouldn’t have used you as bait.

You let your head fall back onto the seat and closed your eyes frustrated by his dichotomy.

After a while on the road, Dean turned the radio on, breaking the silence which opened the door for you to say what was on your mind.  Sam hadn’t been bothered one bit by the fact that Dean had used you both as bait, but you were furious.

“It worked, didn’t it?”  Dean snapped, frustrated by your anger.

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah, you and a whole long list of other people.  Aint nothin’ new.”

Around five miles out of Crocker, Missouri, Dean pulled into a truck stop complex which had a convenience store, gas station, diner, a small motel and a dive bar.  The dawn was still hours away and the need for a couple of hours sleep in a comfortable bed was showing on all three of you.  Sam was the cleanest so he made the arrangements; two rooms because there was no way you were sharing a room with that asshole after what he did.  You were just as likely to fuck him out of anger as fight him at that point.

You used the showers in the truck stop to clean off all the blood and get into some clean clothes, relishing in the feel of the warm water and decent water pressure.  You felt a slight pang of guilt that someone would likely be picking vamp chunks out of the drain in the next couple of days but it passed quickly, it probably wasn’t the worst thing these truck stop attendants had seen over the years.

Refreshed by the shower and a take-out burger from the diner, you decided you needed a drink or five, which sounded good to Sam and Dean – you all deserved it.

So, here you are, several drinks in, pounding another tequila shot, trying not to stare at Dean Winchester’s ass while Sam bids you goodnight and takes himself off to one of the two rooms you had paid for at the run-down motel on site.

It seems as if you’re not the only one with an eye for a firm ass in tight Wranglers; a scantily clad barfly sidles up to Dean and strokes her hand down his back as he plugs his final song into the jukebox.  When her hand reaches that ass of his, he straightens and turns, grinning at her with that look you know means he’s going to ride her all the way to dawn.

You can’t watch this.  You don’t have the stomach for it, not tonight.  You pound your remaining two shots and eat the lime slice, peel and all.  Then you’re up off your stool and pushing past Dean and his lady friend, and out into the night where the air cools your heated skin but not your confusing emotions.

In the second of the two rooms, you look at your bruised face and neck in the mirror.  No wonder he didn’t look twice at you, you’re a mess.  It shouldn’t pain you like it does to think of him with another woman.  He asked once and you said no, so that is the end of that.  Plus, you hate him, can’t forget that.  Still, it gives you some small satisfaction that he now has no empty room to take his new friend to so he’ll have to bang her in Baby, on the bloody blankets.  With a spiteful smirk you flop on the bed and fall into a light disturbed sleep.

A loud knock on the door wakes you up with a start.  At first you don’t know where you are.  So used to your room in the bunker, you had almost forgotten what it feels like to sleep that first night in a new place, never truly resting for fear of attack.  It’s only an hour or so since you left the bar and you’re groggy from the tequila and from the waking.

You don’t turn on the lights when you go to the peephole, looking out with your pistol muzzle pushed up against the flimsy wood door.  Dean sways on the other side, his head turned as though he’s listening.

“Sam’s in the other room,” you call, clicking the safety back onto your pistol.

“I know,” he grumbles, “open up.  I got something.”

“It can wait until the morning.”

“Can’t wait,” it sounds muffled, “owwww!” he hisses.

“What the hell,” you sigh, sliding the chain and turning the handle.

Dean stumbles in with his mouth shaped like an “O” as he slides two bowls onto the unit next to the TV, shaking his hands afterwards as if burned.  You close the door and engage the chain out of habit.

“Got you something.”  He grins goofily, obviously much more drunk than you had left him in the bar, and you wonder what happened to the barfly.  Surely the womanizing Dean Winchester hadn’t banged and dropped her in that short a time?

“It’s two in the morning, Dean.”  You wipe a hand down your tired face, lifting your eyes again to see him handing you one of the bowls from the diner.

“Peace offering.”  He says with a smile as he pushes the hot ceramic into your hands, his eyes glistening with mirth and the effects of all the whiskey he shot back earlier.

You look at what he brought you and your heart almost stops.  It’s a steaming hot piece of cherry pie, drizzled in a large puddle of vanilla custard just the way you like it.  You look at his, with his tiny dollop of cream just the way he likes it, and you can’t help but smile.

“Why?”  You ask as you sit on the edge of the bed with him in the chair by the TV, the bowl in your hand, spoon loaded with goodness.

He finishes chewing a piece of the hot pie, sucking in air to cool it in his mouth before he replies.  “I know you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” you admit too quickly but the words are out now whether he believes them or not.

“And I know it’s my fault,” he looks at you with those eyes, “I shouldn’t have made things awkward from day one.  So, I’m sorry about that.”

“Thank you.”  You never thought you would ever hear Dean Winchester apologise, or what you would say in return.

“I didn’t know how to take the rejection,” he sighed heavily, “especially not from someone I have this amazing chemistry with, y’know?  But that’s on me.”

What great chemistry did Dean think he had with you?  All the years you had known him, you’d harboured a bit of a crush on him but he always acted like you were one of the guys.  When you two crossed paths it had felt effortless to slip into the old camaraderie but he treated you like a sister, a fellow hunter, until you had shown up on his radar this time covered in blood and all kinds of messed up and he’d gotten all pissed and… ohhhh.

“You were right all those years ago when you said hunters shouldn’t get close,” he continues, “I should’ve listened and never asked that question.”

You remember the conversation clearly.  It was something you had said because you thought it was what he wanted to hear from you.  Younger and more naïve, you had thought that what he wanted was for you to be like one of the guys so you had said the words and hoped that you could remain where you were with him, always close but never at risk of blowing everything.  Over time you had begun to regret that decision, and as soon as he started acting like an asshole it had been easy to trade the feelings you had for ones of resentment.

“I wish I never said it.  I didn’t realise what I would be losing when I asked.”   He looks at you again, beseechingly.  “Do you think we can start again?  Be friends like before?”

You think about it for a moment but the more you think the surer you are that you can’t go back.  You can’t know these things and have these experiences and go back to the beginning.

��No, Dean, I don’t think we can.”  Your words are soft but the devastation in his eyes is sharp and painful.

You stand, placing your untouched bowl on the bedside table, and walk towards him.  His bowl is empty now, but there’s a little piece of pie left on his spoon when you take it from him.  He’s confused but follows your every movement with a mixture of sadness and reverence.

The pie is sweet on your tongue and the way his eyebrows raise when your lips close around the spoon brings a cheeky glint to your eyes.  You sit on his knee, wrapping one arm around his shoulders while the other pulls the now clean spoon past your lips.  You swallow with a sigh.  His hands go to your hip and thigh to steady you as he looks up at you.

You dip your head slowly and he tilts up to meet you, his eyes flicking between yours and your mouth.  He tastes sweet just like you do when you lay your lips on his, a soft kiss that is both the testing of waters and the soothing of sharp emotions.  He squeezes your thigh tighter for a brief moment and you pull back to see the questioning look on his face.

“But you said…”

You shush him with a finger laid over his lips.  “I know what I said.”

“Then what did you mean?”  He swallows hard, licking his lips nervously afterwards as if you’re about to pull the rug out from under him.

“I wish I’d said yes.”

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers. :) AH the post breakup ep. This one almost hurts more. It's most apt ep name of the entire season. ‘Crushed.’ Boy does this name hold up to what goes down in this episode. As much as it sucks what goes down with Blair. She was damn good at her job and this ep proves that. Lots of Tim analysis in this one as you all know is my jam. Eric and Melissa continue to crush us in this one. Phew. Let us begin.

6x07 Crushed

We start out strong with the soul crushing. Lucy’s necklace and DOD ring are noticeably absent. They know the fandom well to take away these objects. Of course we were going to notice them being gone. Hurts my heart to see it. Makes sense but doesn’t make it ache less. Our poor collective shipper heart. Granted the ring was her's long before Tim…BUT we all know what it represents. Her life being saved. Throwing it out in the hopes he would find it and save her. Represents him digging his bare hands into the earth to retrieve her from it. *sniffle* I’m fine….

Her necklace being gone is just a stark reminder of where we are with them. I hate it. The opening sequence is a gut punch to our feels. To Lucy’s too. Tamara is moving out. This also hurts to watch. The end of an era. Lucy is grasping at straws asking if she needs more time before she goes? Tamara asks if she needs her to stay? With the breakup and all? Lucy instantly say no. Even if she wanted to she'd never ask that of her. But it’s clearly upsetting Lucy watching her whole world being dismantled.

She went from having the love of her life with her daily, and Tamara living there, to neither of those things within a week. She literally blinked and her two pillars of support were gone. I adore her making dinner reservations for her though. Wanting to celebrate despite her current sadness. Tamara asks if Tim really got kicked out of Metro? Lucy immediately saddens and morosely replies ‘Yeah.’ Tamara being her protective self in her reply. I mean she isn’t wrong…But it brings Lucy zero comfort and it’s written all over her face. *sigh*

We go from one heartbreaking scene to another. Once again the punches not being pulled in the last 3 eps. I feel emotionally winded. For only having 10 eps they sure did pack them full of it. Which I was impressed with. We see Tim disassembling his Metro office. Hurts me to see it. Official time of death for Metro Tim is now. You all know how much I loved him in this position. I really hate this. Was more than him being fine af in that outfit. Was years of hard work flushed down the toilet *snaps fingers* Just like that. Really paints the picture of his trajectory downward after Ray.

I hate this on a personal level for him. The breakup is excruciating but adding this in is... It's salt into an already raging wound. Worst part is we watch him being stoic with Wade. Trying to pull all the company lines. Whatever will get him back on duty and Grey out of his hair. Luckily Wade isn’t so easily duped. He knows this man well. Been his superiors for years. Can see the grunt mentality Tim is displaying. Knowing how unhealthy it is. Grey lets him know Dr. London will be shadowing him. Tim is naturally upset about this.

This wasn't the work he meant lol Knowing exactly why this is happening. Wade doesn’t sugar coat it when Tim pushes back. Nor should he. Lists off the reasons he questions Tim's judgment right now. The reckless behavior that had him bounced out of Metro and back to patrol. Secondly breaking up with Lucy. Tim forgets this man watched over the years how Tim blossomed around her. Even more so when they got together. To toss that away is just as reckless as his behavior that lost him Metro. Tim is in a free fall atm. Grey is just trying to soften the landing when he comes back to Earth.

Tim being a lying liar who lies. Says him breaking up with Lucy had nothing to do with Ray. Oh my love you don’t really believe that do you? Because it has EVERYTHING to do with it. Was the catalyst to breaking all our hearts. It's clearly a tactic to get out of his ride along with Blair. The man as we know runs from and buries his feelings. Only person to ever get him to open up he’s shoved away at this point. Phew. This somehow hurts more the second to watch and dissect.

Wade stands his ground about the ride along. Saying if he wants to even begin to earn his trust back. It starts here. Otherwise he’s going to get mandated therapy. Which honestly I would’ve hated for him. Because therapy’s something you need to come to on your own. Not have it thrust upon you. So I’m glad Grey started out with this observation first. The man knows what he’s doing. Tim gives into his order of taking her with. Little does he know he’s going to end up doing both.

But that’s the beauty of this episode tbh. Once that is settled Wade slyly mentions he’s taking Lucy out. Tim being salty says for ‘Evaluating her too?’ I love Grey’s slick smile replying he’s just observing. Like I said earlier. The man knows what he’s doing. He’s also worried about them both. He knows how serious their relationship was. Probably thought their next step was marriage. So for it to be over he’s gotta do damage control. He’s the MVP of this ep.

This scene with Smitty still makes me blood BOIL. Months later and it still has me incensed with him. With that jackass too who was betting Tim cheated. How very fucking dare you nobody officer. If you knew Tim at all you’d know he would NEVER. Not ever. Neither of them would. It’s so degrading for both Tim and Lucy.

Also her and Aaron? Excuse me while I go vomit. I love how she dismantles Smitty. Straight up kills him. The shame on his face is something he deserves and more. This one of the many reasons people knowing was the worst. Because cops or not this was gonna feed the rumor mill. People gossip no matter the profession. Lucy telling him how wildly inappropriate this is. Honestly she should’ve reported his ass.

I would’ve. I'm crazy protective of them both. So I hated this scene for them. And for Lucy out of the two of them to find it ugh….Smitty promises he’ll shut it down right away. Damn right you will mofo….That scene still gets under my skin more than I would like. We were all in mourning as a fandom. So this scene lit my Italian rage up. Hated rewatching it. Made me sick to think of them gossiping about them. Still hate this whole thing. Doesn’t get easier with time.

The pain train continues forward with this next scene. The LAST thing Lucy needed in this moment was to bump into Tim. Especially coming off the heels of scolding Smitty. We see her rubbing her tattoo like no tomorrow. Trying to calm her raging emotions. She doesn’t even get a second to breathe, before running into the cause of her deep hurt.

Gotta commend Melissa and Eric for this awkward encounter. Lucy has zero time for this. Can’t even process what just happened with Smitty let alone this. Doesn’t stay in that corridor long. Poor Lucy almost stumbles over herself to get away from Tim. Shaking her head as he calls out for her. Rip my damn heart out some more why don't you writers? Good lord. Killing me softy. 5 minutes in and I’m a damn mess. Also what kills me in this scene how Tim lights up when he sees her.

Ugh you can’t do that after what you did Timothy. You stole her voice and her choice in that breakup. You can’t be surprised she doesn’t want to see you. You destroyed her in that parking lot. Decimated her loving spirit when you took off. Eric once again killing me with his expressions. His reaction after she all but dashes from him breaks my heart. This was self inflicted but hurts to watch none the less. To see them reduced to this awkward interaction is devastating.

I will say I adore Blair for coming right at Tim from the jump. Doesn’t wasn’t any damn time calling him on his crap. His person isn’t there to do it. So she is the next best thing. Well other the Angela. But he needed to hear this stuff from a professional. My sister can tell me something and it doesn’t resonate. My therapist does and it clicks. Idk why. Just does. Tim NEEDED this ride along just didn’t know it yet.

Doesn’t take her long to call Tim out for his decision to use Aaron as a buffer. Is reading him like a book she’s known for years. Saying he’s doing so cause he’s exhibiting classic avoidance attachment style. (Totally is...) Tim having not been in therapy is confused at her reply. She continues to depict him further. Explaining he prefers surface level over deep intimacy. Which is the case with everyone but Lucy…

She continues on to say it’s a defense mechanism. One that is developed due to an overly strict or domineering parent. Usually a father. Tim getting nervous already goes on the defensive. Like he always does when someone has him dead to rights. Did it to Lucy and Angela. This therapist is no different. Stating he isn’t a fan of this and there is going to be no over sharing. Ok love….

I do adore Grey for making sure Lucy is taken care of. We all know our girl isn’t going to take care of herself. Her and Tim are scary alike in this way. They’d rather take care of others than do any form of self care. So Wade is doing it for her which I love. He didn’t pick Tim he picked HER. He gave Tim what he needed with the therapist. Also we don’t get enough Lucy and Wade so I was all about this.

We know he’s worried because she’s taken hit after hit this year. Tim being the biggest blow of all. These other things were horrible but she had him. Her person. Her pillar. Now that’s gone and she’s losing Tamara to boot. She needed this ride along as much as Tim needed his. To say this season has been tough on her would be the understatement of the century. I’m hurting for her so much. Her entire world was ripped out from underneath her.

I think Grey can tell it’s pent up inside her. The constant ‘I’m ok and I’m fine.’ Are really cries for help. The awkwardness continues when they run into Tim getting ready for the day. Lucy extends the awkwardness inviting everyone EXCEPT Tim to Tamara’s farewell dinner. Well and Dr. London heh Who is watching this entire exchange go down. This shot from his cam feeling very intentional as he watches her invite everyone but him. A little shot at his soul watching this happen. He watches her depart sadly some definite longing in it. Oh Timothy you did this to yourself my love. Grey patting his arm as he follows Lucy out.

Lucy and Grey’s first call strikes a personal chord. Far too close to what she and Tim just went through. They show up to a couple fighting. The girl is losing her mind on him. Little stabs to the heart what this woman is upset about. Saying how she thought they were happy. How she thought he was the one. Then it just ended. How it doesn’t make sense. Ooof. My heart hurts.

I hate how relevant this call is for Lucy. Crushed is the theme through out this one. Apropos ep name if we’ve ever had one. Lucy then gets paranoid because she is feeling exposed in this moment. Feeling things she’s been suppressing gurgling up. Asking Grey if he set this up? That Tim just bailed on her. That their first call was about a woman being ghosted. I adore his reply. It’s Top Notch Wade Grey goodness.

Puts her in her place right away with that notion. But it’s very telling to him in this moment how much she needs this shift with him. The amount she has pent up is immense. The fact that she reacted the way she just did proves that. Her sensitivity level is sky high atm. Lucy’s reply when they get back in the car is hilarious though. Much needed levity in a tense moment LOL ‘It’s my bad.’ Hahahaha oh Lucy Chen never change. We love you so.

Dr. London hits the ground running with the case they have. Aaron bringing up it’s always the boyfriend right? When it comes to missing cases like this? It’s here Blair inserts her like about breakups. It’s SPOT ON. Say what you will about her as a person but she was damn good at her job. At zeroing in on someone and what makes them tick. What is holding them back. And her line about breakups is just that for Tim. Stating it’s a trigger for many men. How stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking help. It gets under Tim’s skin instantly. I’m sure she said for a few reasons.

First because It’s an accurate statement for most men. Sad but true. Two because she feels this fits Tim perfectly and his current situation. And lastly to see how he would react. Which of course is defensively, but she’s methodically chipping away at his wall. That statement is not only this situation. But it’s Tim’s entire life. His father called him. ‘Poor little Tim-Tim.’ This was not a term of endearment but a mockery of his feelings. For even having them let alone expressing them. To have feelings was shameful and to act on them even more so. Looked at Tim with disgust and disappointment for it.

That scene in 4x09 in his father's hospital room was a painful glimpse into his childhood. To how he was treated for ever being emotional or needing help. So of course he’s not going to reach out for help. It’s deeply ingrained in him not to do as such. Breaks my heart. Grew up the same way. Being pegged as ‘Sensitive’ or mocked for what they perceived as emotional tantrums. When I was just a little person with emotions and didn't know how to regulate them. I was emotionally imbalanced because of my parents. Just like Tim is cause of his father. Blair is testing the water with her theory and striking gold in this moment. Quite the opening volley from her.

Grey starts on his own inquiry into how Lucy is. Clearly needing to since she exploded at their last call. Asking if she’s talked to Tim since the breakup? She is brief and just replies nope. Although her reply is brief her emotions are not. Just hearing his name is springing up tears to her eyes. Melissa aiming to do the same to me in this scene. Straight killing me at how damn sad she looks. I hate it so much. Lucy follows it up with saying she thought he didn't care about her personal life?

Oof giving me Tim flashbacks to 3x08. When she was questioning why they were talking about her personal life? Grey's answer obviously different in this instance. Telling her he cares if it affects her job. I mean he is Watch Commander. This is a valid thing to worry about. Also part of the reason for this ride along. To gauge where she is at and how it’s affecting her on the job. Grey connects the dots of Tim’s IA investigation and their breakup. Knowing it’s not a coincidence.

Tells Lucy as such that he can’t help but wonder if there’s a connection. I mean obviously there is. He’s just not going to get that out of either of them. He failed earlier with Tim. Also it's not the connection he think's it is. I do love her instinct to protect Tim regardless of the hurt. Was pressed and she doesn’t budge. That is a natural thing for her bad place or not. Lucy may not fully understand the why of it all. But she would never cast suspicion on him due to it. She just loves him and will protect him even when he has no idea. I’m not crying you are….*sniffle*

Lucy reinforces the idea it was nothing of the sort. That it was just weird timing that’s it. Then she goes into analysis mode. Which is her form of defense mechanism IMO. If she can try to understand it. Figure out the why. Maybe she can start to heal from it. Not have it drown her every single day. Lucy chalks it up to Tim not being emotionally available. I mean that is definitely part of the problem…

He is a disaster zone of a person right now. He’s occupied mentally in a way she has no idea about right now. At this point in time Tim doesn’t even know this about himself. Only that he wasn’t deserving of her love, that he is too toxic, and she’s better off without him. Has no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes for him. Neither does Lucy. It shows how painfully in the dark she is about what went down.

The sports comment is pretty comical though. I mean I totally get being emotional about sports. The Rangers ruined my mood for awhile when they were booted from the playoffs in June. We made it deep into the playoffs too. So I get the hurt. Regardless it’s a funny reply from Grey. Makes Lucy smile too which is a win right now. The look out the window had me cackling haha I love it so much. We need more of them.

Dr. London continues her barrage on Tim and I’m here for it. It’s the only way he responds to emotional stuff. Also I think Blair realizes if she doesn’t come at him hard, she won’t gain any ground with him. Doesn’t hold back when she compares Tim and Lucy to her line about how platonic love. How their's started out as a friendship and blossomed into so much more. *heart clutch* Eric kills me in these shop scenes.

We can feel and see the emotions he’s choking back. The sadness in his reply of ‘I was her T.O.’ He can feel the rush of emotions flooding in so he sends Aaron away. Tries to ward her off by saying he knows what she’s doing. Blair is getting under his skin quickly and he can feel the heat of it. She is poking at a raw nerve and it’s very evident. The looks on his face through out this scene make me wanna cry. Dr. London reminds him breakups evoke anxiety and depression in men.

Tim being Tim tries bravado this time. Saying he’s not depressed. (Ok babe…) That he’s the one who broke up with her. Trying to deflect but it isn’t working on her. Blair doesn’t relent and replies yes he did. BUT she can tell he has immense guilt around doing it. Which we know is true. He feels horrendous for breaking his person's heart. It’s eating at him like a cancer. Exuding out him so much he can’t use his usual tactics to hide it from her. She see's right through him. Like he's glass and she's peering in for a look.

Dr. London continues her pegging of him with this next part. My god does she have him dead to rights. Not only that but she’s getting through. She can’t see his face but if she could she would see it. Eric is masterful once again with his expressive emotions. We watch the range of emotions in this portion. Especially with his eyes. Always the eyes. She really hits home with her analysis of him. You can see it seeping in. I’m so bummed there isn’t a set of this scene. It’s so so good.

Bringing up how internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. If that isn’t our boy in a sentence. Sweet baby James. The part about self directed anger is this man to a tee. An absolute tee. The way he’s soaking in all her info has me deep in my feels. That guilt she mentioned is pouring out of him in this moment. Along with the shame and anger that is starting to build as well. The anger is because she draws a HARD line in the sand about this eval.

That if she can’t tell if he isn’t self destructive by EOD she’s gonna sideline him. How he can keep stonewalling her if he likes but it’s only gonna end in a psych eval. It is a rough way to come at him. But he needs it so badly. Lucy isn’t here to knock it into him. So I’ll be forever grateful Blair was. He of course reverts back to S1 Tim when Aaron re-enters. Snaps at him because he can’t handle the emotions coursing through him. So he takes it out on poor Aaron. What she said has hit very close to home. Sadly Aaron get the repercussions of that.

We go back to Grey and Lucy talking about Tamara. Their case involves a girl being scooped up from babysitting. Has her worried and Grey can tell. I adore him telling her what she’s done with Tamara is wonderful. That Lucy showed her unconditional love. The kind that healed her skeptical heart. Made her wanna launch back into the world due to it. It’s here Lucy circles it back to Tim. With her line about letting people you care about go. How could she not? It’s consumed all her thoughts for days and days. Grey picks up on it immediately. Asking if they’re still talking about Tamara?

This launches a Lucy rant of epic proportions. One I don’t think Grey is even close to be accustomed to lol She is finally ready to unload the emotional burden on her soul. Her reaction here is just further proof she had no idea why Tim did what he did. Also probably has zero idea he got half his unit killed. Bringing on his episode of self loathing. Which prompted the breakup. Saying she has no idea what happened to them. That she can’t stop thinking about it. Girl me too. It consumed a lot of my waking hours in that three week hiatus as well. Only difference is I got to know WHY Tim did it.

It didn’t make it less painful but it helped to know the why. This is where Lucy and I are a lot like. Needing to know the why helps me accept things. Otherwise I go insane. Like I stated earlier her defense mechanism is analysis. She was so damn blindsided by this. Her brain hasn’t caught up to any possibilities of why. Lucy was left in the dark from 6x05-6x06. Only let in with what I can assume was minimal surface level info about Ray. Otherwise her analysis brain could figure out why he did this if she knew EVERYTHING. If she did know she could cobble together exactly the why behind his reasoning.

Lucy going off saying she thought their relationship was worth more. The 'Unless it is.' haunting her. Haunting us all. I couldn't look at happy gifs for a long time.....She thought what they had was worth more than a cheap cop out. It was very cliched how he put it. Which was intentional I'm sure on the writers part. Made it seem like it was a cheap way out of their relationship. Clearly we know it’s SO much more complex than that. But she doesn’t know any of that. Which continues to leave her in the dark and it's painful to watch her struggle with that. I just want to tell her. *screams into a pillow* Instead of having a say in it Tim made the decision for her and it pisses her off.

As it should. It pisses me off. He took her voice and right to an opinion with their breakup. That is something he’s going to have to make up for. Lucy deserved so much better than how that breakup went down. She does deserve to be the one who decides if she wants better. Which she didn’t get to. Nor did she want better. That man was IT for her. And she is thought she was the same for Tim. It’s why her line about struggling with him letting go so easily hurts. Honestly It’s what adds another layer of tragedy to this whole breakup. The miscommunication even in the breakup itself is unreal. Lucy finishes off her rant perfectly though.

Saying even if she wanted total self destruction it was her damn life. Her friggin decision to make that call. Tim straight robbed her of that. Not only did he but left her holding the emotional bag afterward. It’s not right and it’s not fair. Our girl deserved so much better than how he handled that breakup. He has a lot to make up for in s7. But he knows that just not right now…Grey’s face to finish off the scene is everything. Knowing she needed to get that off her soul. That this is why he didn’t want her riding around solo today. This was a much needed spiral in a safe place. So well done Wade. Our girl needed this.

Blair doesn’t even have to wait for an opening in this next scene. Tim jumps in to defend himself about eviscerating Aaron. Saying it’s his style. She continues to read Tim like a frigging book. This is my favorite scene of the episode for him. Just because it’s so telling. Eric is incredibly expressive as she breaks him down. He feels trapped but also can’t deny what she’s telling him. Her assessment is out of the world good.

Another beautiful thing about this scene is she is attacking his problem at it's damaged root. Blair tells him he’s under a lot of stress it's clear. Not just the case though. Saying whatever went down between him and Ray must’ve been real bad for him to lose Metro. To be back on patrol. Tim doing his old move of deflection. Saying how he owns mistakes and moves on. Well he has half of that right… Our boy definitely owns his mistakes. Moving on is a whole other issue.

Dr. London is moving in for the kill at this point. Saying but he hasn’t moved on. How can he when his whole identity is wrapped up in acting honorably? Damn she has him pegged. If he could truly move on. Be solid in that statement we wouldn’t be here. If he could really reconcile with the past he wouldn’t have ended it with Lucy. He feels not worthy and very much not honorable enough to be with her. So he cut ties. *sad sigh* Tim cloaks himself in honor then condemns himself when he falls short of it. Which is why he can't move on. Just adds another pebble to his soul as it were.

Blair continues with her spot on assessment. Her guess being that has taken a devastating effect on his self esteem. We know it has. His entire life he hasn’t felt worthy or deserving. Has has always had the lowest self esteem about himself. Because mistakes were failure growing up. Mistakes of any kind. Which isn't ok. A healthy and good parents loves you through them. Teaches you there are lessons in mistakes. That it’s not the falling down it’s the not getting back up that’s failure. This man has been knocked down more times than I can count.

He got up every single time. Which is incredible and grew him to be resilient af. Sadly to Tim it’s the falling down that is failure. He never saw his getting back up as a positive thing. Just saw it as surviving and it was partly. He didn't see the goodness in getting back up because his father never did. He grew up in a household where mistakes were pain. Whether it was physical or emotional it was abuse for said mistake. Didn't matter what it was. So to Tim if he set high standards for himself. If he acted honorably his chances of mistakes or failure would decrease. (In his mind at least)

The problem with that is he’s human. We’re all human and fall short of expectations. No one set his except him. Hell I just dealt with this writing this review. I set this insane expectation of when I should've been done writing it and I didn't hit it. I was mad at myself for a expectation only I had set. It's the same for Tim. Whenever he fell short of being ‘honorable’ in his mind. It dinged his already fractured self-esteem. To the point where he has none. Lucy rebuilt it over the years. But it goes to show you how little he thinks of himself. That Ray coming back toppled all of that. Imploded it really in a matter of days.

She really brings it home here. Her pièce de résistance as it were. This is where Tim goes from huh? To Oh…Blair notes it’s why he’s been punishing himself. This catches Tim off guard because he’s truly confused. Like I said earlier I don’t know even know Tim knew the deep why of their breakup. He for sure had no idea he was doing this specifically. No doubt in my mind he had zero idea he was punishing himself. I didn't know I was in the story I'm going to use here in a bit.

Now he knew he wasn’t worthy. Knew he didn’t feel deserving of her love and comfort. Because he had acted so dishonorably. To Tim there’s no way she could love him after that. He projected 'Rules matter Boot. 'their entire relationship. Long before they got together. To Tim he created this infallible image of himself to her that he fell short of.

One he tried to instill in her as a cop. Yet he failed to do so. He couldn’t look at himself let alone make her do as such. That's what he understood about what he’d done. Which is insane cause she met him at his worst and still saw his good heart. But that's a rant for another time and place ha Suffice to say it was standard he was holding himself to that she wasn't. I get this so much it pains me.

Blair soldiers on in her explanation. Letting him know he’s depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. I know this tactic all too well. I mentioned this in my mini. But feels appropriate to do so again in terms of relation. I do this myself. Tim and I are very alike it scares me honestly. When I fail at something I punish myself too. I feel I’m getting better at this. But this story is pre-therapy Caitlin lol.

Anyways I did this with my last job. I wasn’t good at it right away. I was close to being fired actually. My leader at the time was confident in my game plan to fix myself. I however was intent on punishing myself for being awful. I was mad I had failed in the first place. Pissed at myself for not being good right away. This clearly being the result of my childhood. Where I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. If I did it resulted in emotional abuse in the form of the silent treatment. So going into adulthood I still held myself to higher standards than anyone ever set for me.

When I fell short of those standards I punished myself. So with this new job I denied myself music. It was something I loved dearly. So in turn until I got my act together I didn’t listen to it. Didn’t felt I deserved till until I rectified my mistake. My boss found out and told me not to be so hard on myself. That there was no need to punish myself. I hadn't even realized that's what I was doing till she said that. I still was hard on myself but allowed her faith in me to let myself listen to music again. It ended up being what saved me.

This is why I relate so hard to him doing this. Because I did it. My whole life. Tim doesn’t even realize till now he’s punishing himself this way. He’s denied himself his person. What brings him the most constant joy in his life? Lucy. Who is the radiant sunshine that made his life better? Lucy. So. In turn he is denying himself the one person he feels he doesn’t deserve. Punishing himself by denying himself her presence, he is simultaneously depriving himself of the happiness their relationship brings him. We know how happy she's made him. The highest form of penance is sacrificing that. Oh my broken boy.

I love her saying 'Or more accurately someone.' She saw what went down at the kit room. How Tim longingly looked at Lucy when she departed. Knows this man is still so in love with her. It’s obvious he hasn’t made this connection himself till she says this. We see it dawning on Tim. Her getting through to him. We watch as this hits Tim square in his chest. Or really his heart. She has struck a deep chord and it shows all over his reaction. Especially in the second gif. Tim is holding back actual tears as it hits him.

Ugh my heart. Damn you Eric. As quickly as he comes to this realization Aaron re enters the car. Tim has to readjust and adapt back to hard ass. Was bummed couldn't fit this in but he struggles with it. Aaron is smart enough not to ask if he’s ok twice… I do remember being excited by this scene. Because I felt it would propel him toward therapy. To knowing he needs help. All the signs can be there but you have to see the need for it. I'll be forever grateful to Dr. London for helping him see it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo. Melissa you’re killing me. But also don’t stop. I love that you do that. It makes me wanna cry though. Because we all know why she reaches for it. It’s to remind herself she’s a survivor. The only problem is that idea came from Tim….That entire grounding exercise is wrapped up in him. So it’s painful she has to now use it about him. It’s beautifully tragic and subtle.

Which is why it hurts so good. Mostly hurts atm. Until they’re reconciled anyways. It PAINS me to see how awkward they are with one another. To go from being so damn linked to this disjointed mess….I hate it so much. Eric and Melissa do it so well though. The body language and the nervousness pouring out of them. Lucy wanting to start something but not knowing where to begin. At a loss for words.

Tim doesn’t help her at all. Just stands there like an awko taco. That lyric ‘I’ve never been a fighter.’ Ringing through the silence. Ugh the music attacking us once again in the best way. This song is so good for this moment. I truly think having listened to it enough times now. Feel it’s Lucy POV with these lyrics. Which I’ll delve into more in the side notes. This entire scene just hurts. Like poking a unhealed wound.

I have to note this gif separately. Said this a lot this ep but damn you Eric. His precious little smile here is killing me softly. He’s spent the entire ep on pins and needles. Avoiding his feelings. Lashing out at everyone around him. Then being hit with some serious realizations. Then he sees sees Lucy and it appears. That Lucy smile of his. But he forgets he can’t be flashing that adorable smile to her anymore. He lost the right to find comfort in her presence when he walked away from them. From her.

The smile also kills me because he’s so in love with her. Look at that man above. It’s written all over that smile. It hurts to watch. I saw a great tag for this gif. ‘idk what hurts more his little smile or his shining eyes.’ Honestly? Both. They both hurt….Once again he has no right to be showing her those in love eyes paired with tears. Only hurts her more. Hell it’s killing me. It pains me he’s punishing them both for this spiral. This scene hurts so much but starting out with this smile. *sigh* I'm dying Timothy. You've killed me.

Truly blinded by his own shortcomings at the start of this scene. Thought he could just jump back in there and be normal. That there’s no way she loved him like he loved her. So she would be more normal and ok after their break up than him. My broken Timothy you hurt my heart on so many levels. Not only that but makes a joke about clocking out. He's nervous in his delivery of it too. Which he should be. He exploded them and is making small talk? Oh Tim. No....

Lucy calls him out instantly for it. I adore her for the stand she takes here. Not only not letting hide in small talk but getting her side in finally. Refusing to let him force normalcy on them when they never had a real talk. An actual adult convo. Insulted he wants to hide in chit chat. No matter the place they’re in Lucy is always going to tell him like it is. We all know he loves her for it even when it hurts like hell like this scene does.

Lucy reams him like she should. Letting out all the emotions she never got to express. Also what she’s been stewing on. Telling him what she has been holding onto the past week. Saying how he’s been so concerned with what she deserves. That he BLEW past them even having an adult conversation. Which he most definitely did. Also it saddens me the physical distance in this scene. They’re never ever that far apart. Very telling of where they are right know. I hate it.

You can see the discord between just by their physical distance. What kills me is she gives him a chance to rectify it. To have that convo. Tim deflects because the man is no where near ready for that kind of conversation. It reflects in his reply. He only continues to see he isn’t worthy of her. You are everything she wants you foolish man. He doesn't have a damn clue with that though. So he continues to push her back. Away from him and his turmoil.

It’s here I’m so proud of Lucy. She stands her ground and sets a boundary. Which is not easy BTW. It's insanely hard. Telling Tim he has a lot more to work on that she realized.... That she wishes him good luck with that. But she clearly isn’t the person to help him anymore. *heart clutch* My heart is on the ground again. I get it though. She is stepping away from him and how nuclear he is. It’s such a good boundary to set for herself. For her sanity really.

Another great quote from that book mentioned last ep. “A boundary is our only fighting chance at reclaiming our peace.” It’s the only way she can regain any semblance of peace. To move on from this and heal. Have couple more that are so appropriate here. “People who are irresponsible with our hearts shouldn’t be granted great access to them.” Tim hurt her heart so greatly. Betrayed her trust so deeply. This boundary is to protect herself. But also to keep Tim from having the access he once had. It's easy to see he isn't budging so even if it pains her she has to create distance for herself.

Final one “Love can be unconditional but access doesn’t have to be.” Lucy still loves that man unconditionally but can’t allow him to access her heart anymore. She gave him one last shot and he blew it. So she retreated like she should when he denied her. Does kill me she is clutching her tattoo end of this scene as well. It's what keeps that boundary in place and her feet moving forward. Breaking my heart all over again in an instant. I'll just be sobbing in the corner no big deal...

I was pleasantly surprised when we got another moment in Grey’s office. Thinking that was the end of it. I was hoping against hope Tim wanted to reach out and get help. This scene delivers in spades on that. Tim fully expecting to be mandated therapy. We can see he’s actually disappointed when she has a good review of him. Reporting it won’t affect his work. I’m glad she did because it’s prompts Tim to advocate for himself in this moment.

To say I’m proud of him is an understatement. To not only see he has work to do but reach out for the help to accomplish that. The relief this made me feel is immense. Tim says he was expecting her to say he had a lot of work to do on himself. Grey opens the dialogue asking if he does? Tim says he thinks so…Such a huge step for him. I could cry. Hell I was misty when this scene happened. Tim then asks what Grey thinks of him seeing her regularly?

Wade's reply makes me heart so happy. That it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. It really does. There is nothing scarier than asking for help. Especially with your mental health. Men have it easy in a lot of ways IMO. This is not one of them. They are told not to have feelings, or anxiety, god help them if they mental health issues. Tim coming to this place is incredible. This is a milestone scene for his character. I loved the writers tackling mental health this year. For doing it with Tim too. I could cry at how proud I am for him reaching out. For realizing something is amiss and knowing he needs to fix it.

As if this episode wasn’t making me cry enough. This final scene with Tamara gets me teary. Other than Tim and Lucy they’ve been my fav. Been beautiful to watch them both grow. It helped Tamara heal her untrusting heart. That unconditional love Lucy gave her never wavered. It helped rebuild her faith in people. In herself. I know it helped Lucy heal from Jackson. To show her to open her heart again after losing him.

They healed one another and it makes me emotional writing about it. They’re sisters and family all wrapped up in one. Hard to watch Lucy lose another piece of her life though. Truly hope this pain and loss helps her grow. If there is anything I've learned in therapy is that. Growing through the pain. I hope s7 treats her kindly after this harsh season. It’ll be make all the hurt she goes through so much better. I’ll be fascinated to see how s7 starts for her. How it progresses.

Where she’s at emotionally and mentally. My heart hurts for her in this season. So very much. I can’t even explain the level of ache I feel for Lucy. Our girl deserves the world and more. I hope she explores herself more next season. Tunes into how she doesn’t tend to take care of herself. Think she is on a growth journey of her own. It starts here though. I’ll be excited to see how s7 plays out for her. The end. of this scene is funny. Lucy begging her not to tell the car story at dinner LOL

This is gigantic growth right here. Coming here like this. Telling Dr. London that he was thinking on all she said. He is going against his better nature and reaching out. Admitting something is wrong and doing something about it. I know how hard it is to reach a place where you do this. What’s so beautiful about this development is Tim seeing he needs help. It's why he's here. He can feel something inside him is broken. He doesn’t know how to fix it so he is reaching out to someone who does. Tim can tell something is wrong and just wants to fix it.

To understand why and to get better. It is not a light decision to start therapy. It really isn’t. I ran away from my feelings for years. Damn near a decade really. Made light of the abuse I had growing up. Would crack jokes about it even. Because that was my defense mechanism. It was easier than dealing with what really happened to me. Ignoring how emotionally unstable and imbalanced I was due to it. I spent most of my 20s running away from help. From therapy. When it was brought up to me I would shoot it down like Tim. Call it nonsense and how I didn’t need it. I was also like Tim (Still am. WIP over here) and wrapped my identity up in the same stuff.

Being so fucking harsh on myself it was unreal. I still struggle with giving myself grace. I feel I’ve gotten better but it’s still a daily battle. It’s hard to explain the feeling you get when you know you can’t out run your demons anymore. There is just something that goes off inside you like an alarm. It tells you it doesn’t feel right, that you don’t know how to fix it, but it is time you ought to. All I know is it is different for everyone. What set me off is very different from Tim’s. His was a past mistake that came with a side of buried trauma.

Mine was a kind comment meant to make me feel good. Also some buried trauma. I was helping this sweet old lady who was a client of mine. She noted the earrings I was wearing and said they were nice. Told her my mom gave them to me with no emotion in my tone. I’ll never forget the sweet look in her eyes as she told me ‘Your mother must love you very much.’ What should’ve been a nice comment was a huge trigger for me. My mother is some of my deepest seated trauma. It set me off like nothing ever has before.

Her saying that unlocked this pandoras box of emotions. One I spent nearly a decade suppressing. I got into my car afterward and cried. I texted my sister telling her I think it was time I got help. I felt something was wrong. Wrong enough to do something about it. My repressed emotions had clawed to the surface for air. I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I had to get help. Something was broken and I needed the help to fix it. So that brings us back to Tim in this moment. To why he is standing here right now before Dr. London.

He tells her she is right. That he is mad at himself. We can see the realization just wash over Tim. Like he’s opening his eyes for the first time in forever. We can also see the disappointment on his face when she says tomorrow. He is wanting to talk about this right then and there. I’m same way (shock surprise I know.) Blair sees this and asks if it’s an emergency? Tim doing what he does best says no. Trying to do the “honorable” and not burden her with his needs. Because it’s easy to see yourself as a burden to everyone when you’ve been treated like one most of your life.

It’s what makes Tim digging deep and saying no I need this now below so massive. Watching him advocate for himself *sigh* I wanna cry. Because this scene is HUGE for him. I remember thinking to those who were hating on him at the time. If you can’t grasp how groundbreaking this is. You don’t get his character at all. Nor have you ever struggled with mental health issues or asking for help. Anyone who was nasty about his mental health made me so mad. To be that cold and insensitive meant to me you were emotionally immature yourself. I'll die on that hill happily.

If you need help understanding Tim in this moment or this episode please use my experience. What happened with me and what it took to bring me to therapy. Because they are similar. That is this man in this moment. Realizing Ray resurfaced all his demons. They came up for air and weren’t going away this time. Just like mine. This is Tim’s ‘Come to Jesus’ moment in regard to his mental health. He’s standing here because everything Dr. London told him rang true. Hit a chord inside him it was time to get right.

The thing is he doesn’t know how to handle it. Which is why he is reaching out like this. I do wanna say Lucy got him to a better place for him to do this. S1 Tim wouldn’t have reacted this way to Dr. London. Not at all. I don’t wanna forget the impact she’s had on him. But this is not Lucy’s problem to fix. She even stated that in their scene together. She is not the one which sucks. But this is not her journey to be on. A healing journey is a very personal and vulnerable thing. It’s one you have to do by yourself. (And with your therapist)

My friends and family helped prep me for mine. I’m so grateful for that. To get me to place where I could see I needed the help. But it was up to ME to take that first step. That's what this scene represents for Tim. Taking that ever so painful and scary first step into healing. Tim can see the work he has to do and that is progress. I truly truly hope he continues therapy in s7.

Despite Blair. I’m so excited they went this path with him. Didn’t just try and fix them and gloss over the fact he needs help. Appreciate the proper care they took with this SL. It also may not have felt like it at the time. But it’s paving a path of healing for them in the future. Tim’s head right will be best for them when they heal and reunite. Phew This was a doozy to tackle. I hope you all enjoyed it. And those who didn’t read my mini can see Tim’s POV and the WHY of everything. As I’ve said many times it is not to excuse but to explain.

Side Notes-Very Much Chenford

This will be Chenford related . I wanted a section to go over this glorious song 'The Ventura Exit.' Just wasn't room in the review to do it. So I'm doing it my side notes. More I listened to it the more it was perfect for this episode. Especially with what Lucy's is going through. It feels very much from her POV. The lyrics hit so much and have to be acknowledged IMO. First couple are just angsty musings from the song. They clearly aren't canon but evoked these thoughts in me. Others felt more canon driven.

"The first night I woke up four times on your side of the bed." This lyric could be said of the both of them. But this makes me think of her reaching out to his side in middle of the night. You know she probably still had on and off nightmares about DOD. Reaching out to him being a default for her. I could see that first night of their breakup this happening. This song put stuff in my head I had to get out lol

"Fighting muscle memory expecting a hand to be there when I reach out. Taking the Ventura exit to your house." This song is playing through out the rest of the episode. You can hear the lyrics if you really listen. I'm sure she fought the auto pilot to his house during that week as well. I know we only see them at her place but you know she was over there a lot too. Probably had her own drawer and all that. "I don’t hate you, but the more I think on it you let me down (You couldn’t see me. You stopped believing)" This encapsulates everything in this episode for Lucy. She doesn't hate him but he let her down SOOO much. He couldn't see her in their fight. He stop believing in them. Believing in her. So heartbreaking how perfect this song is. I wanna cry. "I miss you, I miss you, I’ll never forgive you. I wish I was with you I miss you I miss you I’ll always forgive you." I loved it ending on this lyric. Starts out with anger and never forgiving then it does. Because that is true of Lucy. She misses him so much but is so damn angry with him. But wishes she was with him. Which is why the ending lyric being that gets. me in the feels. We know she'll always forgive him. She loves this man too much not too.

I believe that's what we'll see in s7. Especially with him working on himself. That and giving her whatever doses she allows for him to show how much she means to him. This lyric made me hopeful for the first time since 6x05. If you don't have this song I highly recommend buying it. Not only is is perfect for this episode and them. It's just a REALLY good song. You can listen to it in full in the link I posted though. Thank you for all the likes, comments ( I LOVE comments don't be shy ha ) and reblogs. You are the reason I do these. I shall see you in 6x08 :)

[vilf-lover]

i’m not one of those cool fanfic writers so don’t expect greatness and i’m idk how to make a title and fancy specifications but

this is how i imagine darlin getting everyone kicked out of the club because of them fighting went down ⭐️

gn!darlin

1400 words 😭😭😭 certified yapper

“I LOVE THIS SONG!!” angel shouted into darlin’s ear while an intense edm rendition of ‘baby’ by justin bieber roared from every crevice of the club

they were wondering if anyone was going to be able to hear after tonight, but they didn’t care because of how much fun they were having. though, they were questioning angel’s taste in music…

“OKAY I AM GOING TO GO GET A WATER AND GO SIT DOWN WITH MR PARTY POOPER OVER THERE” obviously darlin was referring to their wonderful mate that just happened to come to the club again- even after last time ;))

he claimed he came again for safety reasons but they knew it’s because he had a blast, even before their “dance lesson”. sam may not be a dancer, but he always talks about how music makes him feel truly alive, how he felt when he was human. a reminder of his livelihood.

darlin ends up sitting next to their mate the rest of their night as they both enjoy shirley temples and nice cold waters.

as the night grows older, the pack decides they’ll stay for 30 more minutes before leaving.

about five minutes before they plan to leave-“darlin’ i’m gonna use the restroom before we head out. don’t get in any trouble without me.” he chuckles as he jostles out of his seat and makes his way to the back.

about a minute passes before a man, about 6’0, shoulder-length hair, one full sleeve of tattoos sits on the chair next to them; in the seat sam was occupying.

“so gorgeous, you leaving here with that guy? because i know something that would make you much happier” he smiles smugly as the words leave his lips

they’re a bit taken aback. while this was not their first rodeo, no cowboy pun intended, they now felt way different when being hit on. as though it was an insult to them and sam.

“oh really.” they say in such an unenthused tone that most people would stand up and walk away right then and there.

it seems as though he takes this as a challenge. “yeah hun, i’m sure i could treat you better than he could. tenfold. how about i prove it?” you can hear the smirk on his face.

this is when darlin’ decides to stop being civil. there is nothing they hate more than a person that won’t take no for an answer. they would know after being in a relationship with one for way too long. boundaries are boundaries.

“listen. i am trying to give you the chance to leave this conversation right now. rejection is hard, i know. i’m sure you’re horny and lonely, but i’m not. so leave me alone.” they scoff and turn their chair back to the bar

“well didn’t know you were such a fucking bitch who didn’t know how to have fun but whatever” he starts mumbling to himself as he walks off, head hanging low

sam appears in the crowd of people, making his way back to his seat. “phew- sorry, the line was so long. how’re you doin’ darlin?”

“well- other than a guy poorly hitting on me, i’m doing okay” they scoff thinking about the interaction

sam is puzzled. “who did what? i left for like two minutes and you’re being ambushed. what am i going to do with such a fine specimen of a mate”

he leans in for a kiss as they both laugh and get up from their seats to meet everyone at the front

darlin and sam are walking out of the club with ash, milo, david and their mates when they hear something behind them

an agitated voice yells at the group, “oh so you have a little posse. and there’s your little boyfriend too. cute.”

confused, they all give glances to each other before darlin’ says to just keep looking forward and walk.

soon it would become obvious that this was not the end of the interaction.

“ignoring me? it’s good to know they’re all fucking bitches! just like you!” the man slurring his words and getting progressively louder as his sentences drag on

darlin’, upset, turns around and approaches the man while still keeping a good five feet of distance to try and maintain some civility. “can you leave me and my friends alone. you are obviously tipsy so i’m giving you this last warning”

they go to turn around before getting kicked in the stomach

“i’m not scared of you or your little friends! and i won’t take a pathetic ass threat!” he says, now screaming.

everyone is in shock- a person they don’t know is now attempting to hurt the person they all know won’t take shit.

“holy shit!” milo gasps, possibly for dramatic effect

david sighs while rubbing his temples, “this is not going to end well for him”

darlin is now standing up after falling into the ground, brushing the rubble off of their hands. there’s an annoyed look on their face as they walk over to sam. “i really did not want to do this tonight but can you take my bag and my rings?”

the man is standing there distraught, wondering why they are acting so leisurely after getting kicked.

darlin’ gives sam a kiss on the cheek and looks at the pack, “enjoy the show, i guess” they roll their eyes before turning back to the man

“what the fuck do you think you’re doing, you think this is some kind of jo-“ he tries to mutter a sentence, before getting punched square in the face

usually, darlin likes making fighting a game. something they can drag out and feel some adrenaline before ending it. but tonight? no, not tonight.

the man looks up, his nose is bleeding immensely. he looks terrified, skittering back on his feet and hands as darlin’ approaches them.

darlin’ is now towering over him, the dim illumination of a streetlight overhead creates a silhouette of their figure thats spine-chilling, they look menacing as ever

“i’ll let you stand up once.” they say under their breath, “give you some dignity. so it won’t be so embarrassing to remember tomorrow.”

they walk back as he very slowly gets up

the man laughs, “giving pity? not a good idea. i can destroy you hun. i just wasn’t prepared.”

he goes to throw a right jab after swinging his left leg in between their feet to knock them over.

in theory, it’s a good idea. make them unstable then hit them when they’re not excepting it. unfortunately for him- that’s not how it went…

darlin is not affected by the leg, and instead squeezes his leg in between their feet. making him stuck- falling directly on his side. a painful landing to say the least

as the pack is watching, they’re also making full commentary. not loud enough for them to hear, as that would be a detrimental mistake.

“do you think they’re going easy?” david asks

“oh absolutely” sam chuckles, “this is nothin’”

asher laughs, “yeah i think they’ve thrown a punch harder than that at me!”

the man is now in fetal position on his left side, wincing in pain.

darlin’ leans down to a crouch, frightenly close, and whispers, “next time, know. no means fucking no. don’t do this ever again. prick.”

the emphasis of their words would’ve been enough to make him topple over in the first place

he does nothing but nod as they walk off.

with impeccable timing, the security guard from the back of the club walks up to the group.

“i’ve been asked to escort you and your party off of the premises.” the man had a deep voice and is quite taller than anyone in the group.

darlin’ chuckles, “are you joking? i mean- this dude was harassing me and then my “party” this whole time and you didn’t feel the need to interject.”

the guard seems to give a glance that says “yeah, i know. i’m just doing my job” which everyone in that group has given before.

“okay. we were just leaving anyway. thanks sir, have a good night” david seems to be the only peaceful one at the moment. at most moments actually.

there’s silence in the pack as they continue walking away from the club until a overly-enthusiastic “wow! that was awesome!” spouts from asher

i am not a fic writer to say the least but i have a very active imagination and i hope this lives up to standard in one way or another

@rarelyisa

@infinitelovewithoutfulfillment

@aimedis

i hope you guys enjoy :>>

[maximotts]

okay hi I have thoughts re: AAA ep4 vs. ep5 and why I think something is WEIRD!! Also thoughts on how Agatha figured out Teen's identity

So first off, I'm wondering if everyone (except Rio, who I'm operating on the theory that she's Death) was possessed after they took their hands off the ouija board because those girlies did NOT follow the rules.

And maybe.. mayhaps.. they were possessed by the Salem Seven who are working with Agatha's mom because the whole trial "solution" was "oh we'll just leave Agatha behind" which is sus since clearly all of the other trials were a group effort.

Literally the only people who we've seen that want to snatch Agatha up (again, besides Rio) are the Salem Seven who were conveniently hovering right outside of the trial house, which is odd bc there's no reason the Seven should know where to "see" that house since they're not operating within coven trial rules on the Road rn it seems.

Idk it's just big weird to me that the whole thing was "punish Agatha" which sounds like what the Seven want and then everything lined up perfectly in that house to acutely villainize Agatha/make it easy to have the others leave her behind.

BUT THEN! Second theory on that trial: Rio was wrong and it's not Agatha's trial, but instead Billy's because Something About Agatha set him off outside of that house after the trial. And idk maybe that would account for why this trial felt so weird and disjointed because he's not a full part of the coven?

I think that's probably less likely but honestly who knows

ANYWAYS NOW TO MR. BILLY KAPLAN (I'm presuming that's his last name just based on the comics): Agatha def wanted to believe that kids was her son, probably from the moment she broke out of her hex and saw that he was a powerful witch/someone who'd have a strong enough bond with her to break her free from Wanda's spell.

Even when Rio told her that wasn't her son, she seemed like she already Knew but didn't want to Know? Especially because he had been defending Agatha to the rest of the coven and seems sympathetic to her and that's clearly something she's not used to getting from others.

But then that ouija incident happened and not only did Billy say Nicholas' name so that can't be his name, he's also able to handle the board by himself which is something the Scarlet Witch can do and most likely, by proxy, her son. And then, lo and behold, Wanda's son is just as defiant to his fate as she is. Final nail in the coffin!

Also, I'm kinda thinking on account of her magic absorption powers, Agatha can see magic in other witches' eyes and could finally maybe See something behind Billy's eyes because this isn't the first time Agatha stared really hard at Billy. She might've known from the first time she stared him down, but thought she could take him under her wing and treat him like a son/mentor.. until he pissed her off by going against her/looking down on her behavior.

If y'all read this far, phew.. have a cookie ily 💖

[ladybugsimblr]

Rolling Stone - Fall Bailey Kay, One of One

-

Shoutout to @soulsimmin for the other musical artists noted on the cover and general Team BK shenanigans. Somebody cut the check.

Article Below

Category: Baaad Bitch

10.59pm The initials BK pop on the screen indicating Bailey Kay has joined the Soom call. The camera flashes on and my heart skips a beat. I hear her soft but firm voice say “Kiss” and another face appears in the view. Bailey’s husband Quinton leans in for a kiss as requested. The two quickly exchange “Love you’s” and adoring looks and then he’s gone as fast as he appeared. Bailey Kay turns to me and I now have her undivided attention. She flashes that gorgeous smile and my heart skips a beat again.

“Sorry. Hi! Thank you for agreeing to meet with me this late. I hope you’re a night owl too.” Absolutely not. I’m normally in bed by 10pm, but who says no to the Queen B when she agrees at the last possible second to her first interview in ages. I awkwardly reply “I am tonight!” and she laughs, exclaiming “I like you!” Phew! Any remaining tension and nerves are gone. Let’s get into this.

Channeling my glitteriest of kitties I jump right in and ask “Where are the visuals? We the butterflies are begging for the music videos and performances.” Honestly I expected a glare or an eye roll in return, but I get a sly smirk instead. “You are the visual”

I instinctively look at the small image of myself on the screen thinking I did too much with my look for this call. Bailey must have sensed my confusion and continues: “Butterfly is about celebrating life, love, and freedom, overcoming struggles and transforming into your best, highest self. I didn’t want to dictate how anyone experienced those things with the typical visuals. But I did want to get the party started so I gave you the first step- the music.”

“So you dropped the album and bounced to let us party and figure it out for ourselves?”

“You are funny! But yes, kinda. And look what happened! You all started your own challenge and created the visuals, and all I had to do was sit back and watch. Also I really didn’t leave y’all empty handed. I thought we killed it with the pics in the Butterfly Box. But I can’t forget the hive is the hardest to please and I love that. Keeps me on my toes.”

“Ok, I see the vision, but why literally leave the country and go on vacation during an album rollout? That’s unheard of!”

“Ok two reasons. The first is that was what I needed to do. That was my way of celebrating. I told my baby girl that putting out an album was like graduating. I fought hard to overcome my own issues and dark places and now that the project was out to the world, I needed to release and just be with my family, my babies.”

“And the second?”

“Because I can. I’m THAT girl! Deadass!” Again with a smile and a laugh. BK might be the nicest bad bitch I’ve ever met.

“What do you say to the critics who say the album is going to fail? There are rules to the game if you want to succeed.”

“I say check the streaming numbers and sales.” That eye twinkle and smile return one more time. “Rules are meant to be broken. Sometimes. Note to self: Redact that line before my terrors read this. But seriously if we did the same thing, the same way, every time, art, music, life would all be extremely boring. Tackling the unheard of and never been done before is my shit. I live for that. As far as succeeding… I’ve been lucky enough to have more success in my entertainment career than I ever dreamed of. Whatever I do from here on is the extra sauce and will not be measured by industry standards.”

“Speaking of the future, what more can we expect for Butterfly? Please say tour.”

“Ha! Ummm performances are coming. It’s time for me to party with the butterflies.”

“Ok, will they be on multiple stages in cities near all of us?”

“I can't with you! But I can say I’ll perform songs from Butterfly and the rest of the catalogue, on stage, soon. Stay ready.”

And ready we will stay. Ready for the Queen BK. One of One. Number One. The Only One.

[yuseirra]

(Vague..hints about what 165 would be, I heard about it, I'm...scared to see that chapter. It sounds really horrifying, I can't phrase it otherwise.)

I think I'm going to jot down my feelings. I honestly feel so, so sorry for people who like this manga..; on the bright side it's been a work that's...imbued things in me to write and draw this much about myself but I wish that'd only have happened on a positive note.

I think the author is really being too much..;; They're being so cruel. For what? Can this story get across a proper message? That's what's most important to me and I can take it if I'm convinced it is but... This current route is so far from what most audience would believe as fulfilling or.. Feel happy about seeing. Unless this is fake and the last chapter has some sort of happy closure to it all.

I started reading onk after the anime came out last year and kept up with it, ordering the volumes and reading them. After Chapter 154 and listening to the opening for Season 2, I just thought, “Ah, this is what it is… This is it.” (If you read my oldest? theory posts about this work, this July, you’d know what I mean. I think I’ve figured it all out, and so far, nothing I’ve said back then has been disproven; on the contrary, it STILL makes the most sense.)

I have myself an idea of what this could be, but unless Ruby uses Amaterasu’s power to save everyone and bring them into a happy timeline in the final chapter, this is just...;;

Haha, seriously, this is... phew...

It’s true that Ai and the person she really loved had mutual feelings, but that person went completely insane and caused some incredibly serious issues, forcing Aqua to go after him with everything he had.

From how things are unfolding, I think these points have been confirmed.

We also learned that person was originally good enough to be called noble<I feed off this info like cow eats grass... That's the thing that keeps me going lol Kamiki is nuts...oh please...I really care for him

We know Aqua had a mission assigned from the gods.

For Ruby’s future, he had to capture their father, and this task required him to put everything he built in the story so far on the line.

I kind of understood this? Even if accepting it is a different matter.

No matter how important revenge is in Aqua’s narrative... it’s like, what should I even say? Kamiki ended up devouring Aqua’s story to such an extent that the latter part of the story feels overshadowed by him, and yet Kamiki hasn’t been explored in enough depth for that.

For those following Aqua, this progression feels incredibly harsh. Even if you were rooting for Aqua, the villain he’s up against should be properly fleshed out. Kamiki is full of gaps everywhere. Maybe some parts are intentionally hidden, but what they’ve done feels too much like a Deus ex Machina.

The things he’s been said to have done aren’t even within the realm of what an ordinary human could achieve, it's beyond logic. So unless he’s literally a god, it doesn’t make sense. That’s why I kept insisting he’s divine. When you look at the clues related to his character, there’s actual foreshadowing that supports this theory. If he isn’t, then nothing makes sense. I even wrote a post as soon as Fatal dropped. I just knew THAT had to be it.

There are so many actions he took that can’t be explained unless he’s something beyond human, things that even gods would need to intervene in, assigning missions to Aqua and Ruby. That’s the development that makes the most sense.

Even so, this plot is too much for fans who have loved and followed this series.

I kind of get it, but for fans who have been deeply attached and following this work(this includes me too), the final chapter… Even if there’s something to look forward to, it doesn’t seem like it’ll be worth getting your hopes up. And I'm usually a very hopeful person. It feels like the author wanted to try writing an ending like this, but even then, this... The last 10 chapters or so feel like they consumed all the preceding content.

If Kamiki had been more prominently featured and well-developed, that might have been different (I probably analyzed him more than anyone else out there, because there wasn’t much to go on, and I tried to understand what kind of person he was, filling in the gaps to infer his behavior and motives since his perspective was never shown). But Kamiki, who isn’t as well-developed as Aqua, now holds a weight in the story that makes Aqua sacrifice everything he’s built. I really wish they did both characters justice. I really liked them both.

In that case, he needs to be an unimaginably terrible villain. From what spoilers suggest, what he’s done is indeed severe. But if Ai truly loved such a person, and that’s flipped with the limited remaining chapters, the story becomes trash... Haha. Then what’s the point? I don’t know. That, I really don't wish nor see being contradicted.

Kamiki was kind but lost his mind. (Him being kind is something I never want to give up till the end. I just see it REALLY well too.) So he did a lot of things, I get that. But can something of this scale really happen in modern society, to the point where the protagonist must sacrifice their life?

If so, shouldn’t there be some justification brought in from outside the story to make it convincing? Hence, Kamiki is essentially a god, as suggested by his very name. He was a noble god who fell. There’s enough context, hints, and foreshadowing to support that. He was exposed to malevolence from a young age and became tainted by it. He probably did love Ai, which is why he wielded his power so recklessly, driven by madness to reunite with her.

But even with this, there’s hardly any explanation. Why he went mad, what he did with his life—it’s all glossed over in a few panels. If he’s the villain that the protagonist *must* defeat, there should have been more depth and depiction to fuel that narrative, but it’s incredibly ambiguous. The story just throws a few lines at us and expects us to believe, “He could do all this, so the protagonist had to die,” and that’s it. (That's why... I'm not really sure if they make it want to seem like he's THE bad guy either. Since it's rarely explored in detail so we can't sympathize with the victims if they exist and...hate this guy even more for it. That approach I agree with, because it shouldn't be that way if this story wants a message. But who knows. Scary stuff; it just makes you baffled and dumbfounded and go, "what is this?";; Again, it'd make me question, 'What kind of guy did Ai even love?' I do have my own answers for that. He's her previous divine husband who became hopelessly flawed upon losing her, THAT'S what, so it's not on HIM that he's turned out that way. But who knows.)

Do you think that’s convincing...?💦 I’m filling in the blanks myself, but this feels too much. Whether the final chapter is 50 pages or 100 pages, it can’t wrap this up properly unless Ruby turns back time to save everyone and bring them happiness. I’ve heard there are about 50 pages for 166, but isn’t that just two chapters’ worth? It’s basically the same as a double issue, and given how little content there’s been in recent chapters, even if they combine two, I don’t think it’ll be impactful.

I genuinely feel sorry for the fans of this series. Does this development make sense to you? I’m so baffled that I can’t help but laugh when I think about the plot. It’s not even funny; it’s just painful to watch. How many people would have wanted this kind of ending? I once wrote that over 70% of fans might end up hating the conclusion, that I have a bad feeling about the writer having some kind of personal ambition to create a "twist" and experiment on it out of their artistic desires - and if it ends like this, they probably will. It's not like I didn't see it coming. I did tell all the others who came to read this work upon reading my fanworks to wait until it's complete, there are some things I really appreciate about it, but I wasn't sure it'd progress on your usual, happy and safe route. It could have been that way. The answers were all there. There were many opportunities where there were chances of this story getting an ending many would be satisfied with,

And if I’m wrong about everything I’ve said here, I’ll be just as lost. I really won’t understand any of it. But I’m confident I’m right.

The traits of Kamiki match those of the husband of Ame-no-Uzume in at least ten ways. That god even had a story that said he drowned.(but if he really died, that's ambiguous and he is worshipped pretty well along with his beloved Amenouzume)That's just too much to be brushed off as coincidence, he's at least INSPIRED from that god.

I believe he was originally very kind. I can’t let go of that idea, because it’s been evident to me, and it sticks in my mind. But if that’s true, then this is the story of someone who was kind but went mad, and a son who became a vengeful spirit after his mother’s death. The mother, worrying about the father, left what was almost like a final wish: “If your father is still straying, won’t you help him with me?” But the son kills his father, thinking there’s no hope for him, and ends up dying himself in the process. If that’s really the story, then how... how can there be any positive message to take away from this?

I think I understand what’s going on. I think I do... but the story has been so unfriendly and, as a result, feels disrespectful to fans who have loved the series.

I'm actually thinking: if Kamiki IS Sarutahiko the god of guidance who's been TWISTED due to making EVERY possibilities of a future turn horribly wrong, are we WITNESSING his powers in real time?? Is THIS an extension of what he's capable of? because, I feel like.. He's been bringing sufferings to everyone including himself. Oh in that case I'd totally understand his pain. He really would be suffering. And he's THAT dangerous. What if this comic is being really meta, huh?? I think he doesn't want this either. Losing Ai just.. Totally shattered him I bet. But seeing how things are, I think it could really have been his powers that caused her to die in the first place, unintentionally though. I won't forgive the author if HE'S the one who's killed Ai AND he's been doing all these things in order to get her back afterwards, that is just...so rude. It has no point...

There’s still one chapter left, and I know it’s not right to make a judgment prematurely, but if things go on like this, it’s truly too much...; I genuinely feel bad for those who have loved this work wholeheartedly. And for myself... if it doesn’t end as I’ve thought, then I’ve been completely mistaken, haha. But I came into this with confidence, not about Aqua’s side of things(I thought HIM out of all should get a happy ending. I still wish for that to happen), but about what the story wanted to convey through Aqua’s parents. I believed there could be a meaningful message despite how difficult it seemed, so I took the initiative and interpreted it, drew a lot. If I’m wrong, I can only blame my insight... The story itself never changed; it just stayed there. But I was confident. I’ve never been wrong when it comes to instincts or analyses related to psychology. I thought I knew what this was...

I hope this work gets resolved in a way that is respectful towards its fans whom really cared for the series...they-we-deserve that as much as the authors deserve respect. We're in this together as a fan and the writers. We should care about each other.

[larkral]

Blargh! I need a new header, except that my most recent OS update on my computer has end-of-life'd my long-term relationship with a once-purchased full Adobe suite, so I both have to find a new photo editing program AND learn to use it? Travail upon travail.

ANYWAY thanks for the tags today to @kiwiana-writes @run-for-chamo-miles @monbons @you-remind-me-of-the-babe and @shrekgogurt (squeaking just at the arbitrary tumbr per-paragraph tag limit. PHEW) I am continually delighted by all the snippets people are sharing. Why oh why are there things I have to do with my time that aren't "write and read fanfiction"?

Anyway! One of those things this week was to trace a mural on my daughter's wall. I was...perhaps too ambitious with the design, but we'll get there eventually. This is the traced mural!

I've also been writing a bit!

Eight (sorry not sorry) sentences from Finally (already, always):

"It's fine," he says, "I get it." Then he sits on my bed next to me and tugs my wand from my hand to set it on the nightstand. He presses his thigh to mine to nudge me over. "You know I don't think I've ever heard my dad say the word vampire? Before this summer, I mean. I don't know why. It's not like we haven't always known. Even Mordelia knows, and she's four."

And Six sentences of FirstPrince Soulmate BS, because if you read my last line this week you deserve to know a bit more context. :D

"Oh," Beatrice says on seeing Alex. "My apologies. We were planning on joining you for supper." She turns to Henry, "Did you not tell him?"  "No," Henry says with a quizzical expression, "I did." "Thought you were just being polite," Alex responds as he closes his laptop and stands.

Tagging everyone below the cut even though it's late, because I want to start your Mondays off right, and I'm claiming the ability to brighten your day. Humor me. :D

@stitchyqueer @confused-bi-queer @raenestee @facewithoutheart @whogaveyoupermission

@cutestkilla @hushed-chorus @sillyunicorn @wellbelesbian @basiltonbutliketheherb

@ileadacharmedlife @asocialpessimist @bookish-bogwitch @aristocratic-otter @captain-aralias

@petedavidsonscock @artsyunderstudy @carryonvisinata @takenabackbytuesdays @martsonmars

@nausikaaa @nightimedreamersghost @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @ionlydrinkhotwater @that-disabled-princess

@palimpsessed @fatalfangirl​ @blackberrysummerblog​ @valeffelees @mooncello

@j-nipper-95 @youarenevertooold @emeryhall @talentpiper11 @roomwithanopenfire

@imagineacoolusername @orange-peony @thewholelemon

<3 <3 <3

[oh-shtars]

“This Wish” Rewrite ✨

(RFTS!Au Version)

Hello!! It’s Flicker here again!

I’ve decided to give a shot at rewriting Asha’s “I Want” song and see what I could come up with.

The original song was…okay. It’s not a bad thing to listen to. I personally think the chorus and the instrumental there is really pretty. It just felt weirdly lacking? I’m sure there are many people out there who share the same criticism with me, so I’m not going to go all out on that.

Anyways, back to the thing at hand.

For context:

RFTS!Asha is a servant girl at the castle who’s a dreamer and someone with a huge imagination for what there could be. The thing is, that spark has been buried down after the tragic loss of her father’s life. Now she’s terrified of having her hopes up, in fear of facing that same agony of losing another dream.

While she never lost that daydreaming habit of hers, Asha often finds herself cowering away rather than committing. And this often causes her to go back on some of her promises. She’s frustrated that this stupid flaw of hers is holding her back from reaching out to those she loves.

This is evident when Asha has secretly been noticing that Rosas’ citizens aren’t actually as happy as they claim to be. They’re dull, missing that zest and stuck in a cycle of dissatisfaction. She knows there must be something they’re missing but…what? As the king’s assistant, she’s the only one close to him with a chance to negotiate on what could be done to address this problem.

But it’s the king! He’s snapped at her times before. What if…? But what about the people she loves?

As Asha sings this song, she fights an internal battle within while expressing her frustrations and how she wants to break free from the chains she’s made for herself.

…………….

Isn’t this the place where dreams come true?

Then why does it all feel so way out of place?

If I could show them the life they have embraced,

Open their eyes to their own lies,

Would they question it all like I did?

But when I start, my head says “Sit Down,”

So how could I when I could barely be worth something?

For too long I have withdrawn, and avoided every song,

Now time has gone and now I don’t know where I belong,

So do I look up to the stars above me? Or keep caution at every warning sign?

Should I let the dreams within me rise and soar free?

Or should I pay no heed and stay in line?

Still, I hold this wish,

That they’ll have something more for them than this,

Still, I hold this wish,

That I’ll do something more for them than….this,

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, ah-ah

More than this, (oh-ah-ah-ah)

For many years, I’ve kept my head down low,

Still did what I was told when someone told me ‘No,’

Yet, there’s a part of me who’s just yearning to glow,

A part that’s just longing to know,

It just won’t let me go!

With all these reservations and hesitations, I’m not sure where to even begin,

The risks and failures are daunting but I can’t just lose this fire from deep within,

If I could just be pointed in any given direction on where to go and what to do,

My legs are shaking but my head’s held high,

The way you always taught me to….

So I look up to the stars to guide me,

And pray that they’d send some kind of sign,

I’m sure there will be challenges that find me,

But I want to take them on one at a time,

So I make this wish,

That they’ll have something more for them than this,

So I make this wish,

That I’ll do something more for them than….this,

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, ah-ah

More than this, (oh-ah-ah-ah)

So I make this wish…

That I’ll be something more….for us than…this…..

…….

The last line is meant to end at a sad note as Asha cowers away again, thinking that her wish to the skies has went unheard as per usual. No dramatic or hype instrumental at the end. Maybe a soft and melancholic melody instead?

Phew, my girl’s self esteem really is just: 📉📉📉

Btw, I want to make it clear that I AM NO SONGWRITER. So if the words are all clunky and weird at times, bear with me. 🥲

I don’t claim that this is “perfect” and “proof I could do better than Disney.” It’s just so I could better fit the song into my own version of the story. I might make a few changes along the way but we’ll see. :))

Thanks for Reading 💖

@annymation @gracebethartacc @signed-sapphire @uva124 @emillyverse @chillwildwave @tumblingdownthefoxden @ficsinhistory @your-ne1ghbor @rascalentertainments

[pinkpastels113]

I'm holding up my hands like a little kid waiting for candy and am asking for some more vamp!chloe beale headcanons pretty please

PHEW the way i saved this ask for last bc i am READY to give you a lil treat rolo (im so glad there's people also feral for vamp!chloe):

inspired from cheapthrillsbeca's fic(s)

chloe can tell how the person that she's drinking the blood from is feeling. like if they're scared, horny, on cloud nine, etc

chloe can walk in the daylight. "evolution" is the best response HAHA cuz like dude it's the 21st century come on now-

(but maybe she would need like high spf sunscreen or an umbrella or shades or something if she has a beach day or anything like that where she would be in harsh direct sunlight for long periods of time, otherwise she would get vampire sunburn/major headache if not)

she CAN drink human blood and it DOES taste amazing to her but she usually drinks animal blood unless someone specifically requests to be bitten and drank from (but more about this below)

they def (bechloe) have HEAVY make-out sessions/rut when she drinks from beca ADFGHJSK and beca is desperate/horny for it

chloe doesn't need human food to survive. i think it's kind of like. a snack sorta thing for her. like a kitkat. like you cant get full from it but you can enjoy the taste and share the activity (eating human food) with friends and catch up w them

OKAY MY OWN

vampires are inherently sexual and hot. i personally believe that in order for them to "allure" their "prey" they have to have some kind of strong pull of attraction radiating from them, almost magnetic, esp towards people that they also find attractive, so that it makes it easier to... yknow :)

even tho it was mainly for pp spookfest my fic implies that chloe has this. like. hunger on halloween every year for human blood. bc like that line from hocus pocus: "halloween is the one night of the year where the spirits of the dead can return to earth", and like. y'know? the one night of the year where chloe feels particularly inhuman/undead ig. she becomes a tiny bit feral (kind of like the vampire version of hangry for us)

(beca counts the days down till halloween for this reason^^)

her fangs don't exactly retract? or protrude. they just sort of sit there in her mouth. but they extend and become sharper when drinking human blood. or when she wants to. (bc just bc she won't until she gets consent or when it's halloween and she needs it doesn't mean that she doesn't crave it from time to time lmao.) like basically her fangs are just sharper than her surrounding teeth (i have two teeth that are sharper than the others lmao so this is not that farfetched) but it's not super noticeable until you get really close but they will become even pointy-er and longer when she's drinking/thinking about drinking (for those hazbin hotel watchers out there this is the same concept as charlie shifting into demon mode whenever she's super mad, upset, frustrated, and im assuming Excited as well :))

oh also her eyes kind of shine when the whole fang thing happens

havent decided when she's Turned yet but hmm 1970s? during the wars? what do we think yall

super flirty bc "they won't last anyway so might as well as fun while they do" and "i'll outlive them so might as well fill every second with love" kinda thing. but then beca comes alongg teehee

that's it for now!! but open to thinking more about it :33

[confoundedluna]

got that until dawn ps3 version quote list for y'all Finally

it is Just as stupid and ridiculous as the final version and it deserves appreciation too - this post might be longer than the other actually since this version has more chapters, we shall see, and the characters seem to talk to themselves a lot, plus I want to call out More of the dialogue since it's lesser known overall compared to the final game

again, please note these aren't in any particular order, I think they're Mostly chronological per character, I just type them as they come up in the videos and the videos are a bit odd in the way the chapters play out (one video is like. chapters 1, 4 and 5, another is 1, 6 and 7, it's just too awkward to be flipping between videos to watch everything in full order), since a lot are incomplete or need multiple builds to showcase everything they can, but I put together a playlist that was Mostly the order the chapters should be in, including different versions of each chapter in case anything changed across the different builds that I might want to take note of

also please note that some of these i typed based off how the subtitles are written and some off of how the lines are delivered - some of them switch the word order or use like a shortened version of a word or whatever, some lines have dialogue that isn't properly subtitled or has an automated voice reading them rather than an actual actor's delivery, I'm sorry if it's inconsistent but that's just how it's gonna be, i might not notice which version of the quote I used but it's basically the same thing so deal with it lmao

and like last time, let me know if i missed or skipped anything you think should be on this list! I tried to be a bit conservative with how many lines I used and go for just the funniest stand out ones or the ones that carried over, either fully or partially, to the finished game

okay enough disclaimers and apologies and shit, on to the quotes!

CHRIS

(SAM: I thought you were dead!) Well that's a fine thing to say to someone.

Wow. Safety. My mind is blown.

A-ha! And here we have the mysterious graphite spray.

It is believed that seances derive their mystical power by channeling the kinetic energy created by nude bodies... gathered as offerings to the occult, particularly those of young, teenage women. Ghosts are typically not concerned with the nude bodies of pasty young men, so if there are any ladies present, would you please remove your shirts and pants-

I'm beginning to think our friendly ghost is dyslexic.

This isn't a video game, Ash! Not everything's a clue!

There's a place in France where the ladies don't wear pants... (ASHLEY: Oh my god, how old are you?)

(ASHLEY: Look at this! Isaiah 11:6!) Is that a baseball thing? Like the signs at games? (ASHLEY: Uh, no, Chris, it's a Bible thing. You know, like a verse?) Oh, that's what those are. We should read it, right? The baseball Bible thing?

(ASHLEY: Look at this lectern, there's all sorts of animals on it.) It's like Noah's ark. Or that channel with all the animals on it.

(ASHLEY: Yep, it's all here. Fire and brimstone.) Blah blah blah, obey all my commands, blah blah blah, kill all your sons and daughters! (ASHLEY: What Bible did you read?) The cool one, duh!

Hey, I got it! See how this rotates? We could line up the animals like it says in the verse! (ASHLEY: Maybe all those hours in Sunday school paid off.) Absolutely. Not.

This just got totally Indiana Jones on us...

I know the human body has a surprising amount of blood in it, but damn.

Someone's been hunting. Guess they don't need a freezer out here.

Alright, handles all around I guess...

Holy shitballs.

I gotta say, this is not the most sensible thing I've ever done in my life.

Maybe we can find the book that the page belongs to. And find the jerk who ripped it out.

(ASHLEY: What is this, chemistry class?) I don't know about you, Ash, but I always like to leave my dangerous chemicals in a food preparation area.

Phew! See, look at that, nothing out there but the wind. (STRANGER: Sometimes the wind is not to be trusted.) Yeah well you would say that wouldn't you...

Do we just seem like slabs of meat to them? Like in old cartoons when one guy would be starving and the other guy would suddenly turn into a T-Bone steak? (STRANGER: Your thoughts wander uncomfortably far for someone walking through the dark in the W's territory…) Well that's precisely why I'd rather think about cartoons...

Brrr it's so cold out here... I guess it's better being cold than dead... though if I get any colder I might wish I was dead...

No more psychos and saw blades and crazy TV rooms and weird skinny monsters and no more snow and no more screaming hunter dudes.

(ASHLEY: How are you holding up, Chris...?) Miraculously. I mean, I'll probably collapse the second I start to think about anything that's been going on. (SAM: Then don't think about it.)

Ash... Even if Jess was down there I don't think it would be a good idea for us to climb into a mysterious hole in the wall...

We just want to get through this. Together, Ash...

ASHLEY

(SAM: Do you think Em is gonna say something about all this?) Knowing Em... she's gonna say plenty...

I tried to join chess club but I wasn't cool enough.

Cannibalism?! Who would buy a book like that? Who would even write a book on cannibalism? (CHRIS: A cannibal...?)

I don't care what it is- why does he keep doing this to us?!

This is our fault... we can't save him, it's our fault!

Not cool. Not cool.

Where does an elevator even go down here?

Bats... I mean, how in the heck are bats down here?

'A week in the mountains' he said, 'we'll get drunk, it'll be fun'...

Ohhh, I hate creepy noises!

They're crazy if they think they're going to find Josh and the stupid key... (SAM: Emily seemed to think she had a pretty good idea of where to look...) Yeah but she's Emily, Sam! When does she ever do anything that isn't some sort of weird selfish game- (SAM: Em seemed pretty shaken up, Ash, she's just trying to help-) She's trying to get us killed. We're all going to die up here. All of us.

(SAM: Just keep going, Ash, just keep going. It's right ahead of us.) It so does not feel like it's right ahead of us.

You've seen Mike with a gun, he seems pretty confident...

Well Sam, there doesn't gotta be another way- I mean we can hope there's another way...

(SAM: Pull it open!) I'm trying! What are you doing?! Don't hurt yourself not helping!

SAM

Ah-yep... limbs are still working.

Bim bam boom! There, fixed it for you.

That was hellacious.

She's usually pretty cool. Seems more like she's nursing a massive crush. (CHRIS: You mean Mike?) Ummm... yeah? Come on, she's sitting out there like a little lost puppy waiting for him.

Is she really being that big of a bitch to him?

(CHRIS: Wicked Witch of the West.) Right? I wish someone would drop a house on her. (CHRIS: That was the Wicked Witch of the East.) Did you seriously just correct me on that?

I can't believe Emily is hooking up with Matt. Didn't really expect her to go full meathead after breaking up with Michael.

Hey, did you get the sense that Jess and Mike are gonna have a uh... 'political summit' on this trip...?

Josh... having a little trouble getting the key into the hole?

(JOSH: I know Sam... I'm sorry... my fingers feel like they're gonna break off...) Do you want me to warm your fingers up so you can get the lock open?

Hello...? Hey guys, is that you? What are you guys doing? Being creepy...?

Hey?! I'm getting a little creeped out here fellas...

Someone help me, I'm stuck in here with a maniac!

I guess Josh needs kind of like a 'time-out' after what he did to us, but...

Okay. That does it. Door is locked. Nothing in or out.

Are you crazy? Or just stupid? You go out there and you're dead. In here we can at least wait- (MIKE: Until what? Come on, Sam.) Until dawn.

(EMILY: How did you find us?) You were making a total ruckus. Emily, I'm not sure you got the memo about the stealth mission.

Perfect. A giant hole.

(EMILY: Be careful...) As opposed to...?

(EMILY: You having a good time up there, Sam?) It's a god damn party.

Don't scream- don't scream- don't scream- (EMILY: I can't help it, I can't-)

Empty. Could have been one of us in there...

Okay Mister Elevator, let's see what we're working with here...

Wow. Now that's more like it. This is baaaaaadass.

Come on already, where is that fricking code?

Come on girl. You'd look good with that in your hands. Don't be shy.

Hey... bout time I found the Big Boy firepower.

I am so done with this place.

Get me outta here. Gotta find the cable car.

Get me out of here. Just get me to the first floor.

I just want to be on the ground, not up here.

Stairs? Ladder? Elevator? Escalator? Just need to get down to the ground floor.

I need out. Find my way to the cable car.

Gotta find the ground floor.

You guys look starved. Let me just fire up the grill.

MIKE

All ye who enter must pay the toll! Take off your pants!

(CHRIS: Maybe I can get a signal long enough to download a manual for one of these things.) ...Nerd alert, amirite?

(CHRIS: Nature calls.) Did you give her my number?

You throw like a- (JESS: Don't say it!) Was just gonna say you throw like a- (JESS: Don't!) ...throw like a beautiful, enchanting woman!

Awww! That's one to show the grandkids, right? (JESS: Don't get ahead of yourself, mister.) I wouldn't dream of it.

You wanna hear a joke? (JESS: Sure! I love to laugh.) Okay. So, how many librarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? (JESS: Dunno, how m-) Shhh!!! (JESS: Really? Ugh.)

(JESS: Goddamn batteries! Shake it, that usually helps! Awesome!) Shake-powered batteries? Who knew.

I wonder what's down there. Ah, I bet it's just a bunch of pickaxes and old cart tracks and miner bones and ghosts of miners, and miner curses and... Woah. Get a grip dude. Class President.

Look at that. (JESS: What're all those symbols?) I think they're ancient. (JESS: Ancient what?) Ancient symbols. (JESS: Such insight...)

I'm not super thrilled at the idea of bears hanging around and crashing our party.

Looks like the path is a little blocked up. (JESS: What do you mean?) Well, it's got all this... tree in the way.

Where'd you go? Jessica? You've got at least five good minutes left until I bring out the waterworks.

This looks like the work of a bear. I do not like the way bears work.

Jess, hon? I promise I totally won't murder you when I find you. Maybe just a little.

So cold out here, but I'm sweating! Is that normal?

(JESS: You're trying to just freak me out, aren't you?) What? Why? (JESS: To get in my pants.) Yes, I would like to scare the pants off you.

So... One time I jumped over a crazy deep ravine on my bike. All the kids from the neighbourhood came out. Some local news too. Everyone thought I wasn't going to make it. (JESS: But you did?) Nope. Totally died. Been dead six years now. (JESS: You're lying.) Am I, though? (JESS: ...yes? ... Right?) There's only one way to find out...!

We're all alone in here, babe. Just you and me... the Presidential suite. (JESS: Well, Mr President, the lights don't work. And I'm freezing!)

Someone really doesn't like things to stay in one piece around here. Why would someone tear this up?

My jaw's chiselled enough already, but still, it could be useful.

Well, I've found the killer bathtub. Jesus, what did I think would be in there?

Woah. Check out the crazy sex book they have up here.

What is this? Ms. Dunkle's tenth grade science project?

Well, we're here now, so we might as well make use of the amenities. (JESS: Like the bed?) Yeah, I'm thinking mostly the bed.

Alright, madame, is there anything else that you require, or shall I retire to my quarters? (JESS: You're not going anywhere.) Madame requires additional services? (JESS: I can think of a few.)

Huh. Turns out our monster is just a broken branch. Guess it must have seen us and gotten jealous.

(JESS: Finally I have your attention.) The Vice President is standing by. (JESS: Well, why don't you bring him into the Oval Office?) Let's sign this bill into law!

Gotta stay calm. Focused. Get out of this rotten pit.

Crap, what are you doing Mikey, what's wrong with you... this asshole killed Jess... he should pay for that... but nobody's gonna pay for anything unless you get out of here in one piece, buddy...

Stay cool, Mikey. Stay cool.

(groans) Unngh… Either I'm getting weaker or doors are getting heavier…

Come on Sir Mike. Don't be such a wimp. Think about Jessica.

He could be waiting for me… it would be wise for me to tread lightly in the lion's den.

Just stay on your guard Potus… Stay alert…

Let's go, Mikey, let's go.

Gravity's my co-pilot on this one.

Aww… god… smells like something died in here, came back to life, ate its own corpse and then threw it all up…

Well well well. Here we are again. Sometimes wandering around in circles ain't so bad.

This is the creepiest rehearsal space I've ever seen.

Alright, keep your head Mr. President. Calm under pressure…

Ah great, another scenic wing of 'le castle de dilapitacion'.

Alright… look at that. Now we're getting somewhere. Don't know where, but somewhere.

Births and deaths, 1905. Some light bedtime reading for when we get through this.

Man, I can't even skip lunch without becoming a hungry monster, how did these guys feel over 23 days. Wait, no, i don't want to think about it.

Hey! Proper old school photo. Ain't that many left that roll with this kind of geddup anymore.

Chris was killed right in front of us, Jack the monster hunter was torn to pieces and now we're just waiting around like sitting ducks? No. We have to get off the mountain. Now.

Boom! For the win.

(EMILY: Ugh. I hate this place.) Admittedly, they have let it go... (EMILY: Yeah, they haven't dusted in years down here...)

Ah, seems like patient number four was suffering from a bout of being too extraordinary.

I'll tell you what. If the patients weren't completely nuts when they checked in, this place would drive them crazy.

(EMILY: Alright, so how are we gonna get out of here?) Scream and cry like girls?

Pe-culiar? That's actually like a for real medical term? Must have been Charlie Cheswick's records.

I wonder how far your gums have to recede before they start measuring them. If I'm reading this right, this guy must have looked like a dollar store Halloween mask. Wouldn't want to meet these chompers in a dark alley. Or terrifying sanitorium.

If wishes were horses beggars would be cowboys. (CHRIS: Woah. You did not just say that.) That guy Jack had some pretty catchy phrases don't you think?

EMILY

(CHRIS: We just saw Jessica, down by the cable car.) Ugh. Any more perfume on that B and you'd think she was a bachelorette party.

My lips are already so chapped. (MATT: I can kiss them and make them better.) In your dreams Loverboy.

Oh my god, are you gonna swallow his face whole? We're all here! How much more of your crap can we take?

Listen you little slut, maybe because I am not on crack I can see what you're doing.

I don't have to spy when clearly you're showing off with your tongue halfway down his throat.

(JESS: You heard what I said.) Why don't you say it again to my face you bitch?

You do whatever you want. If there's a crazy murderer running around then I'm going to get the hell out of here. (MATT: Maybe he's right, Em-) Do you want me to go out there all alone, Matt? Because I will.

We'll take the cable car to go get help, dummy. Come on.

This is totally crazy Matt. This is totally crazy. My head is spinning.

Ugh. It's freezing out here. I did not pack for this.

I wish Chris and Ashley were more helpful. (MATT: Em, you hardly gave them a chance-) You know, I'm just trying to help the situation.

I just can't believe it's happened again! I mean like, is this family cursed? (MATT: Yeah the whole mountain feels cursed.)

Okay, you done good Matt. Took you a while, but you done good.

Look, if you're not gonna call for help, then maybe you should at least get some tunes going for us to listen to while we sit here and freeze to death can you please just get the radio working Matt oh my god oh my god!

Oh my God, stop talking like you're in a movie. Are you pushing the right button? Is there even a signal?

Wow. These clothes are all torn up. And I don't think it's because they were ripped off the sale rack in a shopping spree…

Ugh. Why do these machines always have to be so complicated?!

Ahhh! Jesus… them's the brakes.

Oh come on batteries… stick with me just a little longer…

Ugh… are those… bite marks on the bones? As in like… eating marks?

This is hell. That's all there is to it. Hell. I fell into hell and there are devils wandering around who will poke me with their forks.

Okay, keep quiet, Em. Put a lid on it. Don't want to attract attention...

Juuuust stay quiet... What would Princess Emilia do? I'll tell you what she'd do: she would stay quiet. Shhhh.

Wow. Good thing I checked my claustrophobia at the door. This is gonna be tight. I guess it's either through this little hole or turn around and face Mr Sunshine out there. Hmm. Excellent options!

I gotta try it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right Miss A-student beauty queen and all around hottie?

Bingo! Done. Voila. QED. Hee haw. Locked and loaded. That is how we roll. You go girl. Aaaaannnnd... Cut it. Print it. Saved. Vamos!

Top...! It's the top! Mine top... tip top top of the mine...! No more shaft just... this place! I'm out of the mine! ...Back to the lodge! Back to the fires and warmth and friends! Oh little lodge, I missed you so much... how do I get out of here?

(MIKE: You locking us in?) I'm locking the baddies out. Can't be too careful. (MIKE: Glad you're sure the baddies are out there and not in here.) Feels good to lock a door...

(MIKE: Wow. I guess I totalled the place huh?) Mikey had a tantrum? (MIKE: When I commit to something, I like to do a thorough job.) Hmmmm. Don't remember you making heaven and earth move for me... (MIKE: Hey. Don't say that...) I'm kidding... You did okay... (MIKE: ...that's better...) ...considering the tool you have to work with... (MIKE: Easy! Easy!)

This whole wing just feels like it was for the real head cases. Right? Like the lost causes. (MIKE: Yeah. It's got a really pleasant vibe in here. Let's keep moving.)

Ew. Ew! His gums were receding?! Didn't he floss?! Some people just do not understand the importance of dental hygiene.

One order of W pâté, comin' up!

Wow, Sam, you're really getting all Rambo on us.

(SAM: Look. The machinery. If we can get those metal containers in a row... we can get across.) You're kidding, right? On those rusty... rust buckets out there?

(SAM: You got it! It's working!) That's right, 'cause I'm the mecha-master! (SAM: Now if we get them lined up... We can just hop right across!) Already on it, Rambo. Or should I say... Sam-bo. (SAM: Ah... no... I don't think you should say that.)

An elevator...! Probably broken. Why is everything on this goddamned mountain falling apart!

(SAM: Looks like we've got find a way across.) Score one for Captain Obvious.

(SAM: We've got one shot to get out of here and we can't screw it up.) Right back at ya, lady.

JESSICA

(CHRIS: What's Mike doing?) He's getting all of our stuff to the lodge. Nails. Just had 'em done.

(SAM: We can help you with the stuff.) Oh that's so nice! But... I kinda like it when Mike does it.

Ugh, finally we're out of that stupid wind. I was freezing my buns off out there. (MIKE: I can help you with those if you like...!)

(MATT: Come on Em, relax.) No, it's not okay Matt. That bitch is on crack or something.

Whatever. I don't have time for jealous bitches.

Fine. Whatever. Anything to get away from that whore. (EMILY: Are you kidding me? I'm the whore?)

Ugh, you know, I can't believe Emily sometimes... why is she such a royal B? How could you have ever gone out with someone like that?

(MIKE: Exiled.) More like sex-iled.

Come on troops, move out.

I wonder if they have any room service up at the cabin. I could so use a triple grande mocha cappuccino right now.

You lit up my night... Now all we need are some fireworks later...

How bout some jams? (MIKE: Whatever puts you in the mood.) This one might be my favourite... Until their next one comes out, then that'll probably be my favourite. (MIKE: That's a really good way of thinking about it.) Thanks! ... ...what?

(MIKE: Josh seemed pretty happy to get rid of us back there, didn't he?) Michael! I had no idea you had such a gossipy side... Is this the politician in you? (MIKE: Politician nothing; the guy's a dick!) Hmm.

I keep having this great thought, but then I keep forgetting it.

Somebody's going to owe me a new outfit.

(MIKE: I didn't know Hannah wore glasses.) Yeah. Just when she wasn't around any cute boys.

I wonder if they deliver take out up here. I mean right here.

Ugh. My shoes are getting so moist.

I wonder what's going on back at the lodge. Everybody's probably doin' it.

Nature's kinda gross.

Is that Orion's belt or is he just happy to see me?

Hah! I'm totally going to tell everyone about your fear of birdies.

Stand back, Debbie downer.

Don't worry, I'll save Woodsgate for the next election.

(MIKE: Some of these planks are pretty rickety.) You know what else is rickety? (MIKE: What?) Your face is rickety. (MIKE: That's a really good one!) Thank you!

(MIKE: Watch your step, Jess.) You know what? You're worse than my mom. My mom!

Boom! Sting like a butterfly and float like a bee.

Wow, look at that old photo. (MIKE: Must be an old mining team.) Looks like they really knew how to... handle themselves. (MIKE: Sounds like you wish you could handle them.) Looks really old. I wonder if they're all dead now. Ugh! So creepy!

(MIKE: Probably faulty wiring or something.) You've got faulty wiring.

Unless you want to make out with an ice sculpture, I suggest you get a fire going. Pronto.

It's so cold in here right now my tongue would get stuck to your flagpole.

I'm cold, I'm bored, and I'm getting rapidly less horny. You want to hurry it up with the fire?

(MIKE: It's so dusty.) No maid service up here? What a rip.

Coldness generally isn't conducive to hotness, Michael... Woah. That sounded, like, deep.

While you were trying to find the right button to push, I found some de-light-ful candles that wonderfully spice up the place and light up all the nooks and crannies... Far more cosy and accommodating, don't you think?

I can't lose my phone, my parents are gonna kill me! (MIKE: You can always get a new one!) That's like my fourth one this year.

Just unfasten it! (MIKE: I can get it! I can get it!) Don't send a man to do a woman's job.

Oh. Those perverted assholes. Why can't they just leave us alone and let us have a perfectly nice time? God! What jerks! (MIKE: Hey, they're just trying to have a good time.) Yeah? Well, so are we!

You guys are such dicks! Are you really that upset with me and Michael that you want to ruin our fun? Huh? Well, guess what? You can't ruin it! Because Michael and I are gonna screw! That's right! We're gonna have sex! And it's gonna be hot! So enjoy it! 'Cause I know we're going to! Ugh.

MATT

Ohhhh! She just got Emily'd!

Wow. Someone had a good time in here.

Why would someone leave a picture of keys where the keys should be?

This place can't just be a huge death trap, right? Cable car can't be the only way in and out of this joint.

Josh had a lot of problems... I think he just wanted to be able to sort things out... and put this all behind us...

So the joke I learned, it's really good, it's about like, a dude, who's got a haircut like the moon, and-

Coyote? Bear? ... Why is that okay?

C'mon, Matt... You don't wanna die down here.

The hell is that… Jessica? (JESS: Matt? Jesus… So it got you too.) Yeah… You okay? (JESS: Hardly...) Let's get the hell out of this place. Look! There! (JESS: Light!) That's the cable car station!

Come on, man... nearly there... nearly there...

JOSH/THE PSYCHO

Come on, lock... My lockpick skills are a little rusty...

This is the most boring break-in ever. You haven't even broken in yet.

Hey! Grit bin! Nice work moving that over here!

Everything all right in there? (CHRIS: Yeah, I'm fine. It's really dirty. And a little freaky.) Sounds like my kind of date! (CHRIS: Offf course it does.)

Dude, come on! Let's open this jawn!

Ahh-hahaha! Dude are you okay? That lil' wolverine almost gave you a paper cut!

(SAM: Hey, those things are known to be vicious sometimes.) Vicious to lil' babies. Lil' Chrissy babies.

(SAM: Thank you Chris.) Thaaaank you Chriiiiis.

Yo! Explorers! You guys are gonna need the keys for the love shack!

As you can see, your friend Josh is now in quite an unfortunate situation. If you wish to see him dead, then do nothing and you may watch him die.

Second... clue... picture if you will... high atop a powdery mountain... the only place possible for a jacked up jock like Matthew to score a... 'big break'...

If you'll please now direct your attention towards the main attraction...

Not much time left before your friend is... perforated...

Congratulations! You've just bought yourself... more time... to watch your friend die...

My my my, didn't you do well! You fought the system and you've won. And what you've won is a prize! You're a lucky winner, come on down!

Well, that's the end, folks. I only wish it could have turned out differently, but, unfortunately, I'm still going to kill your friend because, hey - winners don't play by the rules!

Allow me to introduce myself, I am your host!

Oh, I had fun with them... and now I'll have fun with you... There's nothing wrong with having a little fun, is there?

Samantha, my darling, I don't think your friends are going to help you... I've already had a little fun with them...

Oh what a delight it was watching his life drain away. I wonder if watching yours will be just as fun.

(SAM: What do you want?) I just want a little fun, Sam... so why don't we... mix things up a little... You can have ten seconds to pretend like you're escaping... and then you're dead!

Go on, hide if you like... I know just where you are.

(CHRIS: What do you want from us?!) Well now, Mr Chris... I think you've got the answer right there in front of you.

Oh borrring... You think I didn't bulletproof my machinery?

(CHRIS: You're sick!) Heh heh heh... why thank you, kind sir... but the choice... is yours... play ball!

I'm sorry... so sorry... it's all my fault...

THE STRANGER

It would be wise for you to hear me out.

You seem to listen but not to hear.

You have no chance out there on your own- (CHRIS: I'll just have to take my chances.) Then I'll go with you. Alone would be suicide. (CHRIS: Yeah well you're so special.) I am... experienced.

You do not seem too concerned with saving the life of your friend.

(CHRIS: Have you done this before?) Have I foolishly attempted to free a dead man in the hopes of becoming one myself? (CHRIS: Uh...) You ask questions that are not very useful. (CHRIS: My teachers say the same thing. But yeah, so, have you?) This is not my first barbecue.

He who seeks avoidance finds out what he seeks to avoid. (CHRIS: That's... a really confusing saying.)

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 10)

Word count: 22.6k

Pairings: Sam x Reader, Jake x OC

Warnings: 18+ as always, drinking, smoking, language, fluff, angst, smut.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon. Please go show her some love!

STRANGE HORIZONS:NASHVILLE

ONE DAY BEFORE SHOW

JAKE POV

This is how it always was the day before tour. Josh barking orders at everyone, Sam waiting until the last second to do everything that should have been done weeks ago, Daniel trying to satisfy Josh’s requests, and you, sitting back watching all of it unfold from the comfort of the broken-in leather couch. The office was buzzing with crew and staff working to make sure everything was packed away correctly and not a thing was left behind. Old friends reuniting, anxious for another leg of tour to begin.

Tensions were high, as they so usually were before you left for a show. Packing up an entire band was no small task, and you weren’t sure why they always waited until the day before to do it.  You were especially wound up today, still reeling from the events over the last few days. You still hadn’t made amends with Sam, but you knew you would today. You had to. You couldn’t start tour off on a bad note, right?

You watched until you noticed his tasks being steadily checked off the list one by one, and when he found himself ready to take a break, you knew you had your chance. You grabbed two beers from the cooler and walked back over to meet him on the couch. You extended the bottle out to him, and his eyes met yours as he took it. It’s a start. 

You sat down next to him, twisting the lid off of the bottle as you relaxed into the seat. “Can I talk to you for a few minutes Sammy boy?” you asked, hoping that using his nickname would help soften the mood he was in.

“Looks like you already are…” he replied with a gentle smirk.

You took a pull from the lip of the bottle, letting the cold liquid calm your nerves. 

“Sam… I’m…really sorry about everything I said the other day. I was completely out of line to say those things to you. I’m not trying to make excuses here, I know I fucked up, but after everything with Sophia, I just… unleashed on you. I didn’t mean it. I really am sorry. I get it if you need more time, I just… I’ve been thinking about you the past couple of days and I just want you to know I love you. I don’t think you’re a fuck up. I’m really proud of you. For everything. Really.” you rambled nervously.

He took a sip of his beer, trying to conceal the smile on his lips as he replied, “I missed you too. You had a couple low blows in there, but it's all in the name of brotherhood right? Also, I love you too.” he laughs, placing a forceful hand on your shoulder. “Phew, glad we got our yearly I love you out of the way, huh? Early this year…” he jokes. 

There he is. There's your Sammy.

You held your beer up, clicking the glass bottle with his, “Until next year…” you toast. He laughs and looks over to Daniel, wrapping up some cording with velcro. 

“You’re right, you know,” he adds. 

“About?” you ask.

“Her. You know, if she was… with me and everything. It would have been the biggest fuck up ever. Monumental.” he said, turning to look at you.  “The first time we ever slept together we talked right before…made sure this wasn’t going to turn into something else, because neither of us wanted that. I think really, we just wanted to feel close to each other again. Both of us made it very clear that there weren’t any feelings involved. It was just purely sex with someone we loved and trusted. No feelings involved. That’s all it ever was, Jake. I haven't had feelings like that for her in years. Is she gorgeous? Of course. Have I always wanted to sleep with her? Well, yeah. But I’d never steal your girl Jake... I’ve always known who her heart belongs to.” he says.

You swallow harshly, really taking in everything he’s saying. “It’s just… hard to watch, you know?” you ask.

“I know. But it’s not something I thought we should keep from you. I feel like that would have only made it worse when you did find out.” he replies. “Also… I’m really sorry about Sophia… I can’t believe she was doing that. I can’t believe we saw her. You should have seen Y/N when she spotted her in the restaurant. She was hysteric for a second.”

“I would’ve been, too. Things had been a little rocky between us the past few weeks. She was acting different…And you know what? I’m happy to be free of her, feel like I can breathe again.” you say, swigging your beer. 

“I guess I’m just sorry everything played out the way it did. We just felt like you needed to know, and we wanted to tell you in person. I didn’t expect it to be such a disaster.” he says.

“It’s partially my fault, as soon as she started in on you I should have told her to leave. I am so embarrassed at the things she said to you. To Y/N. I wasn’t sure she was ever going to talk to me again. I wouldn’t blame her.” you sigh. 

“You know she… she listened. Finally.” he said.

What?

“What do you mean? Listened to what?” you asked.

“Our music… did she not tell you?” he asked.

“No, tell me what?” you asked, genuinely confused. 

“Up until about a week ago, she had never listened to any of our recorded music. The last thing she ever heard from us was the Black Smoke EP.” he said.

Shock coursed through your body. “What? Why?”

Had she really never heard? Every song you wrote for her, fell upon ears that wouldn’t understand. The lyrics you wrote to her, begging her to come back to you… she never heard them?

“Well, to put it simply, she couldn’t handle it. Emotionally, mentally… Think about it Jake. Would you want to listen to your ex play love songs about you?” he asked.

“No, but… not one song? Not a single song, in the past what, three, four years?” you asked, trying to wrap your head around it.

“She said she heard Safari Song in the grocery store once, but she turned around and walked out because it struck a nerve she wasn’t ready to tend to yet.” he said.

“So… she listened though… last week? Why now?” you asked.

“She said her boss assigned it to her, since we are under UMG. She listened to everything…she came over to my house after.” he stopped.

“Was she….” you started.

“Was she okay? No…She was a wreck Jake. I think you know that. Practically inconsolable for a while. She had a feeling about one in particular… but she couldn’t even ask.” he said, eyes cast down to the floor as he replayed the memory.

“So…she listened…to it...” you asked.

His eyes flicked up to yours, “Yeah. She did. About killed her I think. She wanted to know… if it was about her.” he paused, pushing his hands through his hair. “How sad is that, Jake? For her to even think for a second that it wasn’t. I told her of course it was about her. I told her they all were. I think she wanted to crawl into a hole and die right there.”

“How could she think they were about anyone else?” you whispered.

“She was pretty bad off there for a while, but I got her through it. Me and a bottle of wine, well almost two. She’s proud of us though, man. She loved it, I could tell she loved it. It spoke to her, just like we always wanted. We actually did it.” he said with a smile.  “I wanted to cry, I was just so relieved she liked it...It felt– felt like it was all worth it. All those years… I missed her a lot. I know it was different for you, but you know, she was my best friend. I needed her too.” he says. 

You were so busy feeling sorry for yourself back then that you never really stopped to consider that Sam lost his best friend. You were so cruel to him, to everyone really. Just a miserable person for a while. If you had known then what you know now….

“Anyways, you should talk to her about it someday. If you can. I know it's still touchy for you.” he adds.

“I will one day Sam. I’ll make it count. Thank you…for… talking to her about it. I know it probably wasn’t easy for you either.” you smiled.

“Anything for you brother,” he replied.

You both finished off your beers as you scrolled through your phones, waiting for Josh to finish up on his tirade about organization. 

“Hey, she will be here in about 10 minutes, so make sure you have your shit done!” Josh called out through the office, everyone agreeing and finishing up their tasks.

“Who?” Danny asked.

“The tour coordinator… someone new this time, I think you’ll like her.” he replied with a smirk.

Fuck. She’s coming? Today? You were not prepared to see her until you absolutely had to, tomorrow.

“You good? You look like you just saw a ghost.” Sam joked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Hey I saw this the other day at a vintage shop, thought of you. Thought you might like it.” you say, opening your camera roll. You scroll through your pictures from that day, trying to find the one you took to show him. An old 60’s Sunburst Fender Acoustic. It had his name written all over it. 

“Hey woah, what was that?” he says, swiping out of your photo.

“What?” you say, pulling your phone away from him.

“I swear I just…” he said, reaching over your arms, tapping on the photo of Y/N you received the other night.

“Oh my god. It is her.” he says, shocked. “How do you have that?” 

You close out of it before anyone else sees, “Will you shut the hell up before one of them comes over here asking questions.”

“Sorry. But seriously… Why do you have that? Did you hack into my phone?” he asks.

“Hack into your phone? What? No? She… sent it to me. The other night. Completely unprompted.” you answer quietly, a smirk on your face. 

“She sent it to you?” he asks, shock written across his face.

“Yes, Sam… for the second time. She sent it to me.” you reply.

“Well that’s interesting because she sent it to me, too.” he said matter-of-factly.

“The same one?” you asked.

“Exact same. We were…talking… it was the natural progression of the conversation but it came late…I thought she fell asleep.” he said. “Wait…what time did she send that to you?”

“Uh….” you said opening your text threads, and checking the time stamp. “10:46pm” you answered. 

He dug into his pocket, pulling out his phone and opening his texts, his eyes widening as he reached the photo. “Oh my god. I think…I think she sent it to you instead of me, by accident. Mine didn’t come until 11:26.” he said. “She must have panicked when she realized and sent it to me when she figured it out. Wait, what time did you text her back?” 

“11:24…”

Panic sweeps through your body as you realize what he is saying. Were they…sexting? Was that really meant for him? A chill sweeps through your body as you put the pieces together. It would explain the situation. It was completely unprompted, and her not answering your reply suddenly started to make sense. 

“Well, Sam… Here I was thinking she…No, nevermind. I suppose that explains why she didn’t reply.” you sigh.

“Oh god, she didn’t reply?” he asked.

“No, but she read it. Stayed up late just in case too…Stupid.” you said, shaking your head.

“Has she spoken to you since?” he asked.

“We don’t exactly talk Sam…” you replied.

“Oh it was totally an accident. I bet she is—wow. I will have to ask her about it.” he says.

“No the fuck you will not. Let it go Sam, I am so serious.” you threatened.

“Okay, sheesh…” he says, pulling away from your grip on his arm. “It is a hot pic though isn’t it?” he jokes.

“Shut the fuck up Sam, I will end your life right here.” you say through gritted teeth.

He laughs as you hear the beep of the security system, as someone opens the front door. You both turned to look at the door, and saw her walking in, looking stunning as ever.

“Oh my god, it’s like she heard us talking about her…What is she doing here?” he asks.

Does he not know?

Her eyes meet yours only for a second before quickly looking away. Okay so she is feeling some type of nervousness about being here.

Josh rushes over to greet her, thanking her for coming in at the last minute.

“Hey!” he yells, getting everyone's attention. “I know some of us know each other, but for those of you who don’t this is Y/N. She works with Collective and is going to be our coordinator and liaison for this tour. She’s gonna be on the road with us for a bit. She’s an absolute star and I know you all will love her so make sure you welcome her with open arms and show her how we do things around here!” he says, smiling.

You watch as Sam and Danny shoot looks towards each other, then to Josh as they comprehend what he’s said.

“That being said, I will turn it over to you, I’m sure you have things to tell us to get this party started.” he smiles at her. 

You couldn’t help the chuckle that came from your chest as you watched Josh so happily introduce her. She was beaming. You had to admit, even though part of you wanted to kill Josh for this arrangement, you couldn’t wait to watch her do her thing, but more importantly you couldn’t wait for her to watch you do yours.

She began to pass out paperwork to everyone, her eyes flicking to yours for a millisecond as she handed you your paper, before turning her attention back to the rest of the room.

You could see something behind her eyes. You couldn’t place it, but you knew it. You’d seen it before. 

“Hi everyone! I am really looking forward to working with all of you over the next few months, but before we go over everything I just want you all to know that if you ever have any questions or concerns, or even a request you can ask me, call me, text me… whatever is easiest for you. I will help you the best way that I can.” she says, directing her attention to the group of roadies huddled by the door. 

“The paper I just gave to all of you outlines the accommodations for the Nashville show starting tomorrow. Your transportation, lodging and meal information should all be on there, specific to each one of you. Again, if you have any questions you can come to me.” she says with a smile.

The chattering in the background irks you. Are they even listening to her?

She continues to talk about the schedule for tomorrow, everything laid out right there on paper. As she makes her way through each bullet point you hear the crew still talking behind you.

“Hey boys, let’s listen up.” you say shooting them a stern look.

They quiet down immediately, returning their focus back to her. Her eyes flash over to yours, in a silent thank you. You nod your head ever so slightly.

You listen intently as she talks about the venue set up, soundcheck, and the time tables that will need to be followed, your eyes never leaving her for a second. To be honest you heard every word she said but your mind was elsewhere. Back in Michigan, swimming and laughing. 

Everyone thanking her snapped you from your daydream. Suddenly people were approaching her, meeting her and introducing themselves. She handled the crew and staff like she had done it a thousand times before. Maybe she had? 

“You gonna talk to her, or are you just gonna stare at her?” Sam asks.

You blow a breath out, leaning back into the couch, “I don’t know… I don’t know what I’d say. Just gonna give her some time. If she wants to talk to me, she will.” you reply.

“I cannot believe she is our coordinator.” He says, shaking his head.

“You’ve met Josh right? Meddling son of a bitch.” you laugh.

“Yeah, you’re right.” he laughs. “You pack yet?”

“Fuck no. Gonna do it when we’re done here.” you answer, standing up from the couch.

“Oh my god. We get to play for her.” he says, eyes wide with realization.

“Samuel, I am begging you to not say every thought that goes through your head.” you say with a sigh.

He smirks, walking off to meet her side.

Fuck. Not only will this be your first tour in a few years, but now she will be there watching?

You hadn’t fully considered that yet. You weren’t sure you were ready to think about it. You pushed the thought from your mind as you made your way over to Josh.

“I still can’t believe you did this…” you say with a fake smile.

“Everything is going to be fine. Great even. Watch and see.” he smirks.

“We done here?” you ask.

“I think so, what time do we have to be here in the morning?” he asks.

You pull the folded paper from your back pocket, reading out the travel details, “Says the van will pick us up here at 7:00 am. So… should we just meet at my place and ride over here together? Or Sam’s?” you ask.

“Let’s do yours.” he answers.

“You gonna be on time?” you laugh.

“Of course not.” he laughs, walking away, holding his thumb and pinky up to his ear, indicating he would call you later. 

You shook your head, walking over to Danny, telling him the plans, before you started to make your way out. You clapped him on the back as you stepped away, “Tell Sam, alright?” 

He nods his head as you turn to make your way to the door. 

You scan the room one last time, eyes catching hers for a brief moment before you slipped out into the humid evening.

—

Your suitcase sat packed by the front door ready to go, after sitting for months in the closet practically untouched. Usually you looked forward to tour, the swirling of anxious energy in your stomach just before you left. The bright vibrant energy filling your body just before you took the stage. Playing live in front of a crowd was what kept you going. Recharging your battery each night as you watched them react to the music that flowed from your fingertips. You craved it. You needed it.  But tonight you didn’t have that feeling. You were nervous. Jittery. Anxious. 

You sipped the remnants from the glass in your hand trying to calm those nerves. A lowball glass filled with scotch was sure to do the trick, as you sat back and watched the rain hit the windows in your study. The wet drops rolling down to collect on the sill in large puddles. You placed the now empty glass on the table, grabbing your guitar from the stand as you strummed the old worn in strings. You let your mind drift off as you played, trying to process everything that happened today.

An accident. A mistake. How foolish of you to believe that that photo was meant for you. Of course it was for Sam. She’d never sent you anything like that before... Why would she start now? 

And how stupid of you to reply. You should have known it wasn’t meant for you when she didn’t reply. You stayed up all night waiting for it…There was a reason it never came. As if things weren't awkward enough after the fight with Sam… this just made it worse.

Now you had to spend the next several weeks with her, pretending that it never happened and acting like you don’t remember every detail of the picture... The image of her body burned into your brain.

Was she as embarrassed as you were? You would be working with her in extremely close quarters for weeks…You really didn’t want things to be awkward… Should you talk to her about it? 

No. Just let it go... It will pass, right?

Finally feeling the alcohol settling into your bloodstream, you began to relax. You placed the guitar back on the stand, and made your way to your bedroom. It was late, and you knew you had to be up in a few hours to get ready to go. You pulled your shirt over your head, and kicked your pants to the floor, before crawling into the comfort of your own bed for the last time for the next few weeks. You never did sleep so well in a bed that wasn’t your own.

You set your alarm, and placed your phone on the nightstand, flicking the switch on your lamp, leaving the room completely dark. You let a sigh leave your chest as you relaxed into your pillows, drifting off to sleep quickly with the help of the scotch and the patter of rain on the windows.

—

NIGHT ONE

HER POV

You were already awake when your alarm went off promptly at 6:00 am, your nerves keeping you only half-asleep all night. The first day of tour. You were excited, but the anxiousness was creeping into your bones and making itself at home. You’d gone over the itinerary a hundred times before bed, and a hundred more times while you tried to fall asleep. Meeting times, rider copies, map locations, hotel confirmations…your brain felt fried already, and you hadn’t even left yet. You were thankful Allison had given you everything you needed to have accomplished on a nice organized checklist, making your life a bit easier. 

You drug yourself from your bed and into your bathroom to take a quick shower. You’d already picked out your outfit for the day, some dark wash jeans and a simple top. Cute but professional. You’d be meeting everyone at the office to load the van in exactly one hour.  

While you rushed around your home chugging coffee and gathering essentials, you thought about Jake, and how his eyes had met yours for the briefest of moments yesterday. You were still so embarrassed and ashamed, but you had to keep on a happy face for the sake of your job. This was no time to let your emotions show through. You had a lot to accomplish, and proving yourself was at the top of your list. 

—

You arrived at the office with fifteen minutes to spare, giving you ample time to run over everything again. You grabbed all your things from your trunk, and packed them into the crew van before you checked in with the driver. You brought out your iPad checklist and made yourself a few notes and reminders. Cars began to fill up the lot and roadies and crew members began to unload their things. No one had presented you with questions yet, thank goodness. Deep breaths, all is well so far. You checked the time, 6:55. Perfect. 

After a quick headcount of everyone riding in the van, you finally began to feel a bit more at ease. Thankfully, Allison had given you the tip to always lock in early hotel check-ins. ‘They’re always late for everything...leave yourselves time to spare.’  Fortunately, you’d known that fact since you were kids. 

You finally saw Jake’s car pulling into the lot a whopping fifteen minutes late. All four of them piling out of the vehicle to unload their bags. 7:15... Not too shabby. They walked over to the vans with sleep still in their eyes, except Josh, of course. He was always a morning person. He took you in an immediate embrace, placing his positive and comforting energy directly onto your skin. How did he always know exactly when to do that? 

“First day, big day! You ready?” He asked in your ear, not letting you go until you answered. He smelled like patchouli with a hint of hibiscus and vanilla. You took a second to breathe, letting his familiar scent calm your nerves.

“I think so, Joshy. I hope.” He released you after a big squeeze, his long curls flowing in the early morning breeze. He gave you a reassuring smile. “Killing it already, hot stuff.” 

You did notice Jake seemed a bit more chipper than he usually was at this hour. He didn’t have his normal dark circles and sullen face…instead he looked bright-eyed and anxious. The rest of the guys made their way over to you. Sam brought his hand to his brow, playfully saluting. 

“Samuel Francis Kiszka, bass and keys, reporting for duty. My name should be first on the list in the VIP section. I’m actually in the band.” He glanced and pointed to your iPad, typing his fingers erratically causing your screen to go wild. 

“Stop it Sam, geez!” You laughed. “Get in the van.”

He clicked his tongue and gave you a wink. 

“Morning sunshine, ready to kick ass today?” Danny said through a warm smile, showing all his teeth. 

“Let’s hope so,” you returned his sweet smile. 

“You got it, no question.” He reassured you. 

Lastly came Jake. He brought his eyes to meet yours, and you felt every nerve ending explode with embarrassment all over again. He gave you a curt half-smile and nodded his head, climbing into the van without a word. His cheeks had pinkened a little, and you were sure yours had done the same. Awkward. So awkward. 

After everyone was loaded up and accounted for, you made sure no one had any questions, and you climbed into the front seat of the crew van. You felt an overwhelming sense of nervousness and relief at the same time. You’d attack this day step by step. These guys were all professionals and had done this song and dance a million times. It was their world, and you were just orchestrating it. 

——

Checking into the hotel proved to be a simpler task than you anticipated, getting everyone their key cards and on their way to their rooms going very smoothly. You knew that you had to get them to the venue for sound check as quickly as possible so once you figured they had enough time to settle, you sent a group text asking them to meet you in the lobby. It was a very short ride to the venue, and you were excited to be behind the scenes and have access to everything that happened backstage. 

You watched as everything was unloaded from the trucks and brought inside the amphitheater. It was amazing to watch the crew work like a well-oiled machine quickly putting up the stage and equipment in record speed. Though this was the first show back in a while, they all worked well as a team setting up the new stage equipment just like the guys envisioned. 

You were rushing around like a crazy person, answering phone calls, replying to tons of texts, checking to make sure the riders were fulfilled, and trying to keep Allison updated with everything. So far, so good. Eight hours until openers. 

“Guys, the stage is set. You wanna come see?” You asked the four of them as they gathered around a makeshift coffee table full of lunch items. Their eyes lit up, ready to see the stage they’d dreamt of for months finally brought to life. 

You led them around the small corridors of the beautiful outdoor venue, and into the pit area. They erupted in astounded cheers seeing it all put together. You grabbed your walkie-talkie and radioed to the light booth. “Randy, can we hit the lights?” You asked. A few seconds later, a voice came over the radio. “Sure thing.”  The main spot lights came on and illuminated the stage in a beautiful and clean white light, showing off the lighted platforms and spires that lined the backdrop. They fell into ‘ooo’s’ and ‘ahh’s’ in unison as they took it all in. 

“Holy shit, it’s perfect!” Josh proclaimed. 

“Yeah guys, yes!” Sam yelled to the crew. They all clapped and cheered, and ran onto the stage to begin checking their sound. Relief. You knew it would be even more perfect once it got dark outside. 

You took a second to run backstage and collect yourself, use the restroom, and grab something to eat as you knew the rest of the day was going to be even more chaotic. You checked in with craft services to see that everything was refilled for the crew, now that they were done with their part. You relaxed on a couch for a free second, ignoring your buzzing phone and nagging notifications. You could hear the low droning sound of their instruments coming together, as they jumped into a song you didn’t quite recognize off the bat. It still sounded beautiful and haunting even from this far away. You closed your eyes and took in the moment, feeling pride overtake your mind as you listened to your best friends fulfill their dream. After a few grounding moments, you decided to check your phone and emails again.

An hour or so passed, and you noticed the music had stopped. You stood up to stretch and checked the time, not realizing how long you’d been lost in your phone. You began to meander around the backstage area again, when you were caught by a pair of familiar hands pulling you behind a trailer, out of sight. 

“Samuel, what are you doing!” You whispered loudly. 

“Nothing, just wanted to say hello properly. I haven’t gotten to tell you how good you look taking care of all of us like this.” He pinned your back to the trailer, and glanced around, checking that the coast was clear. Then he brought his lips to your neck, lightly kissing and nudging you. 

“I love watching you in your element...it’s very attractive.” he whispered in your ear between pecks. 

“Sam…be careful...there’s people everyw-” he cut you off, placing his lips on yours.

“Shhh...there’s no one around. Trust me. Do you trust me?” He glanced around again. 

You nodded, reluctantly. You felt very out of place, letting him do this in such a manner in broad daylight, but god, his lips on your neck and his hands pinning you down was driving you wild. He had a knack for melting you into a puddle, that was for sure. 

He immediately licked into your mouth, hot and sweet with just the tiniest taste of tequila on his lips. He brought his leg up to spread your knees apart, positioning himself so your core rested on his upper thigh. He pressed his body into you, sending a shockwave of pleasure through you, even from the slightest contact. You kissed him back hard, just now realizing how starved you’ve been for him without even noticing it. Your mind had been elsewhere lately. 

“That photo you sent the other night...I can’t get it off my mind. You looked so sexy...God I wanted you so bad...” he trailed off, pressing harder against you. “You want me to send you something?” 

You nodded again. “Mhmm...yes please.” you said into his mouth, biting his lip. 

“I’ll see what I can come up with...” he said, pulling away. He began to back off, adjusting himself in his pants. He glanced around again, making sure the coast was still clear. “Silence my notifications, and change my name in your phone.” He said with a wink, and he was gone. 

What? Change his name? Why? Did he know about the photo accident? 

—

You headed back around to the main gathering area backstage after collecting yourself for a few minutes. Hot and bothered was an understatement. 

“Y/N! Hey, I’d like you to meet someone.” Josh said as you entered the trailer. “This is Summer. She’s going to be our photographer!” 

“Oh my god, hey! It’s so nice to meet you finally! I’m sorry we didn’t get to meet before, things have been chaotic.” You reached out to shake her hand. Summer was gorgeous. Tan, slender, and blonde with cute features and the prettiest blue eyes that hid behind thin wire glasses. She had a bright and friendly smile as she returned your handshake. 

“Hey! So nice to meet you! I’m so excited to be here.” she said. 

“I’ll leave you two to chat.” Josh said, taking off in the other direction.

“Let me show you around?” You asked, walking towards the stage. 

“Yes, let’s go!” She grabbed her camera bag and you were off. You showed her around the venue and made sure she had her all access media and crew pass. 

“The guys will want you to be around basically all the time, backstage and all. They’re really easy to get along with, which I’m sure you noticed meeting Josh.” You said. 

“Yes, actually! He introduced me to the band. Everyone seems really nice! This is my third time going on a tour with a band, so I’m really starting to get my footing I think. I’m really excited to work with you guys!” She admitted. 

“Well, they picked you for a reason. I saw some of your work, it’s fantastic. You’ll do just fine.” You reassured her with a smile, which she returned. You walked her around the grounds a bit more, showing her the areas you’d be occupying most and introducing her to people here and there. By the time you made it back, she had told you her life story in its entirety and you were already beginning to tune out the sound of her voice. She was sweet, but…

“So, this might sound forward but, are all of them…single?” She asked without an ounce of shyness in her voice. It took you by surprise. 

“Umm, well… Sort of. Danny has a girlfriend but, the rest, yeah. Basically. I try not to keep up with their personal lives too much.” 

Lie. 

“Cool okay. I just didn’t want to, you know… Be weird about anything. Spending all this time together and all.” She replied, talking with her hands.

You cleared your throat. “Yeah, no I get that. For sure.”

“But, the quieter one with sunglasses, he plays guitar I think?” She rambled. 

“Jake.” You said stoically. 

“Yeah, Jake. He is fine. Made my heart skip a beat when he shook my hand. You know what I mean? I’ve always liked the brooding ones. The type you’d climb like a tre-”

“Summer. I get it... But remember you’re here to take photos and that’s it. Okay?” You felt yourself get an attitude at her lack of professionalism this early in the game. It had only been half an hour and you were already starting to be irked by her presence.

“Jake is very professional and likes to keep himself focused. He doesn’t allow himself much time for things like that.” you add, hoping she would take the hint.

Saved by the bell, your walkie talkie beeped with a request for you to go to the stage. “I’ve gotta go, good luck tonight!” You waved to Summer and left before she could get another nerve-grinding word out. 

You approached the stage and were motioned back to the sound booth technician. 

“Hey! We need our copies of the setlists! Almost forgot.” The woman laughed. 

“Yes! I have them on my hard drive. I will bring them right to you.” You replied, rushing off to backstage, mad at yourself for forgetting to do that before you left the office. Luckily you had a portable printer installed in the crew trailer. 

You printed off ten copies of the list, and read through it on your way back to the sound booth. 

Wow, it was so strange seeing the names of all these songs that you’d just now become familiar with, the songs that were basically their children. You knew they were playing a few of these live for the first time tonight, and a whole new wave of nerves hit you like a freight train. You were so excited for them. So excited for their fans. 

A few more hours passed, and you’d decided to join the guys for a little chat before things got hectic. They were all hanging around outside, warming up on acoustics and pre-gaming with seltzers and shots. They were all beaming with nerves, Josh and Sam hopping around expelling their pent-up agitation while Danny drummed on anything he could find. Jake sat comfortably in a lounge chair, feet up, strumming a quiet tune and watching his brothers in their natural states. He was so…attractive. 

“Josh, why are you dressed already? You’re going to spill something on your suit!” You said, surprised. His outfit for tonight was a white jumpsuit with blue and green applique feathers, and it fit him like a glove. Tiny rhinestones caught the light as he jumped around, causing him to sparkle in the afternoon sun.

“Oh, love. I always do this. Sorry, but I get ready way too early. It’s just a…thing I do.” He threw his hands up, unable to elaborate any more. “But I make it a point to only drink clear liquids! I promise.” 

You nodded nervously, wanting to cover him up with a jacket, a bib…something. 

You peeked around to the front of the venue, seeing that hoards of people had started to gather at the gates. You checked your phone. 

Allison 5:55pm: Almost time to get them dressed! Hope all is going well! 

You 5:59pm: All is great! Thanks!

You took another few minutes, shooting texts to the other coordinators and radioing to check in with security. You couldn’t believe you’d gotten this far in the day without any major hiccups, and you were thankful. Maybe you could do this… You were doing this. 

You glanced toward Jake, who was sitting naturally still strumming along and sipping something from a paper cup. You covertly watched as Summer made her way over to sit beside him, giving him all of her attention as she snapped a few photos, while likely telling him a story about something he cared nothing about. Just from the short time you spent with her, you knew she was going to be a great photographer, but inevitably get on everyone’s nerves. 

Get away from him, he doesn’t want to talk to you. He’s trying to get in his zone. 

But to your surprise, you watched as he tilted his head back and laughed a hearty laugh, scrunching his nose up and giggling at whatever she was saying. She laughed too, leaning into him and quickly putting her hand to his thigh. 

Oh really? 

You scoffed under your breath and crossed your arms. She then pointed to his guitar, and began to ask him questions. It looked like he was explaining the guitar parts to her, while she watched him intently, all the while moving closer and closer to him, touching him any chance she got. 

Doesn’t she have photos to take or something?

Suddenly, Sam was in front of your face, “Hey. You gonna nip that in the bud, or should I?” he asked motioning back to Summer and Jake with a head tilt. It shook you from the raging fire of jealousy growing in your chest. 

You stood up quickly, clapping your hands together, “Alright guys, time to get dressed!” You announced, and they all began to excitedly make their way toward the trailer. You saw Summer look back toward you as Jake exited her bubble. 

“You can sit this part out, Summer.” You said. 

“And you get to watch them get changed? Lucky girl…” she said with a smirk. 

You decided to not respond to that, and climbed the steps to the front door, closing it hard behind you. 

—

After a few minutes, they were all dressed and ready to go...7:45 on the dot. Their openers had already begun their sets, filling the arena with sound. You stood in the trailer, and watched their stylist stand back and admire the art of the designer. Their outfits truly were a sight, all custom made to fit their visions.

The crew exited the trailer, leaving just you and the guys. Sam immediately felt comfortable enough to bring you in for a giant hug. “Errghhhh you did so great today! How are you feeling? Ready for the grand finale?” 

You hugged him back, finally feeling alone enough with them to be your true self, “Yes, my job’s almost over. It’s your turn now.” You responded with a giggle. 

Just then, Danny and Josh came and joined the hug, sticking you in the middle as they piled around one another. You glanced over and saw Jake standing off to the side, obviously feeling awkward about joining. You bravely raised your finger to him, motioning for him to join in. He wrapped his arms around his brothers as they all rested their heads on one another, taking a second to relish in the moment. 

“My brothers, are we ready to rock and roll?” Josh asked. 

“Never been more ready…” Danny agreed. They all spoke in little sentences of excitement and reassurance, patting each other on the backs and shaking off nerves. Never once letting their heads separate from touching in their circle, with you still directly in the middle. You stood awkwardly, but happy to be included in their embrace. 

“Six brand new songs tonight, fellas. Do we have it?” Josh asked. 

“Yeah we have it, do you have it?” Jake responded. You giggled. 

“Yeah I fuckin’ have it as long as you keep me where I need to be.” Josh relayed. 

“As long as these two assholes keep me where I need to be…” Jake went on. 

“Don’t we always? Daniel and I are perfect...” Sam spat. 

“Sounds like a plan, then. Let’s go do it.” Josh said. 

Suddenly they hugged one another tighter, smashing their heads into yours and bringing your face impossibly close to Jake’s. You felt heat immediately rush to your face as his eyes flitted to yours, and locked there. He offered you the tiniest of smiles before he spoke. 

“Love you guys?” He asked. 

“Love you guys.” They all responded in unison. Then they all separated, leaving you standing in the middle of the room, drowning in emotional surprise. 

“What was that? What was I just part of? Do you do that before every show?” You asked. 

“Only since 2012, love.” Sam said, shooting you another wink as he descended the stairs, his baby blue suit hugging every curve. You felt a swell of admiration creep into your chest. You had gotten to be a part of their pre-show ritual.  

You waited by the door for the guys to file out one by one, Jake stopping beside you at the very end. You noticed the collar of his beautifully embroidered navy blue suit was flipped up, and you instinctively reached to fix it. Your fingers accidentally brushing his neck in the process, sending an immediate and visible chill through him. You swallowed hard as you pulled your hand away from his collar. 

“How do I look?” He asked in a low and gravelly voice, shyly bringing his eyes from the floor to you.  

Before you could stop yourself, you whispered, “Still just as gorgeous as ever.”

His face softened and a smirk played at his lips, just as he turned to catch up with the rest of the guys. 

—

The time had almost come for the guys to take the stage, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t just as nervous as they most likely were. Brand new tour, brand new songs, brand new era…

You knew they would absolutely kill it no matter what, but you were sure the anxiety was still high. The sound of the crowd was almost deafening even this far away, and at an outdoor venue at that. You never imagined there would be this many people. 

Right before they were to head toward backstage, small plastic shot glasses were passed around to the surrounding crew, while Josh had everyone gather for a toast. You took the cup of what smelled like vodka, and raised it into the air. A familiar presence was suddenly by your side, meeting your extended arm with his own. Jake. 

“Thank you all for being here, and making this happen tonight! To Strange Horizons!” Josh yelled above the lull of the screaming crowd. He held his tiny glass up, and everyone joined in with clanking theirs together before shooting the clear liquor. You turned a little toward Jake, as he held his cup up to yours. 

“Cheers, love.” He said, barely tipping his cup to tap yours, raising his eyebrows with the smallest grin.

“Cheers…” was all you could manage through the thick sound of your heart beating in your ears. Love?

He tilted it back and swallowed its contents, and he was gone without another word. You stood there for a second collecting yourself. 

“That shot’s not gonna take itself, babe!” Sam yelled, guiding your hand to bring it to your lips. You let the chilled liquid coat your insides, hoping that it would calm the storm that was brewing inside you. You heard Josh’s voice on the special intro monologue begin, and the crowd erupted in an explosion of screams. 

“There you go...There she is!” Sam shouted as you finished downing the shot. 

He brought his lips close to your ear, “Checked your phone lately?” He pulled away with a wink and a wide smile, and spoke loudly again. “You ready?!” And then he, too, was gone. 

You felt your radio vibrate with sound, and you brought it close to your ear. “Two minutes, two minutes to stage.” your heart rate immediately picking up.

You looked around to make sure everyone was accounted for, and then rushed everyone toward the stage, security and other coordinators in tow. You could feel the energy radiating off of them. They were electric. 

In seconds you found yourself side stage with the guys as they awaited their cue to walk. They took a second to peek at the ginormous crowd, a sea of raised hands and cell phones ready and waiting to capture the first seconds of their beloved band taking the stage again.  

No one really spoke, not like you could hear anything over the audience anyway. Everyone exchanged looks and shoulder grabs, basking in their excitement together. You looked to Jake, who was pulling his guitar strap over his head, and offered him a genuine smile, silently wishing him ‘good luck’ as you could. He nodded and smiled back, still able to read your expressions even after all these years. 

Suddenly the lights went out, and there was a beat of silence, their cue to storm the stage. You watched as they left your side and found their rightful spots with their instruments. Plugging in, and taking a deep breath. 

As the lights faded up, Sam’s keys began the first song. Filling the arena with beautiful and ethereal sounds in a way that only he could. The crowd exploded into screams and cheers as they recognized the song. You watched on as thousands of people sang the lyrics back to the band, not missing a beat. 

You found yourself having a hard time deciding whether to watch the show or watch the crowd. They held hands, they cried, they swayed as they sang...now you understood why this was so addicting for them. The fans gave so much energy, song after song, an unrelenting celebration with each tempo switch. 

Your eyes carried themselves to Jake as you finally allowed yourself to watch him in his element. You’d been actively ignoring him the whole show so far, not letting yourself see him finally play, for real. You thought back, you hadn’t seen him play since that fateful night at the bar. Years ago. Even then he was a force to be reckoned with, but now, god, he held absolutely nothing back. 

You watched as he pranced around, completely taken with the music he was creating, and even more taken with the effect it had on the audience…absolute madness. You could tell he fed off of it. Lived for it. The way his body moved was so sensual, tilting his head back and rolling his entire body with the sound. His facial expressions matched, too. You felt like falling into a hole when you realized you’d seen him make those faces before, years ago, locked up in his room for two days with nothing better to do than each other. 

You had to force yourself to rip your eyes off of him. You noticed you’d been looking at only him for the past ten minutes or so. He was just so…mesmerizing to watch. The passion he felt while playing and interacting with the crowd and the rest of the band was a show in itself. And he sounded perfect. 

Then you caught a glimpse of his torso…Holy shit…The lights from the stage were bouncing off the sweat dripping down his chest and stomach. The proof of his exertion in the heat of the summer night. He was breathing heavily, chest heaving up and down as the sweat dripped in a steady stream from his throat down to the button of his pants. Watching as he would occasionally wipe it between chords. That was a visual you did not need right now. 

You turned around to collect yourself, and grab a drink of water. You checked your phone quickly; you’d completely forgotten Sam had asked you if you had earlier. You’d done what he said to do – silenced his notifications, and changed his contact name. You couldn’t think of a name off the top of your head, so instead you chose to just use ‘Keys’. You had a photo notification from him from a little over an hour ago. You stepped behind some equipment, and opened the attachment.

There it sat. A photo of him in a partially fogged-up mirror, in just a towel hanging low around his hips. He had wiped the fog from the mirror just enough that you could see him. His face, dark with lust. He was holding the towel together right at the top of his bulge, only the light smattering of dark hair visible, leaving almost everything to the imagination. 

He was still dripping from his shower, the water glistening on his tanned skin. His wet hair falling at his shoulders with tiny droplets dripping from the ends, down onto his chest. He looked positively edible. His eyes lured you in, dark and focused, his jaw clenched tight. He wanted you. That much was clear. 

You locked your phone screen and returned your focus to the show, trying to forget the fact that both of them had managed to get you hot within the past two minutes. 

What the hell are they doing to you? 

You watched them intently, the music beginning to slow and the lights growing dim. The spotlight shone on Sam, playing a familiar tune on his piano. Is this greensleeves? Your brow furrowed as you watched him effortlessly play the melody you knew so well. As that came to a close, you watched him fully light and take the first hit from a cigarette, right there on stage. Blowing the smoke from his mouth and watching it dissipate into the light. Oh, he’s surely showing off tonight. 

The music swelled again, and the guitar came in. A haunting sound from Jake that nearly made you stop breathing. This must be one of their new songs. The intro lasted a good bit before they jumped into the full song. You checked your notes. You’d forgotten you kept one of the copies of the setlist. Age of Machine…you remembered listening to this the other night. You watched the crowd go crazy over it, especially as Jake began to go into a solo. Completely captured by his playing again, you felt your head swirling as you watched. It was like he slipped into another dimension and dragged you there with him. But in the moment there was no place you’d rather be. 

The song began to trail into something else, another familiar sound. Was this...? You reached deep into the depths of your memory, trying to remember the garage days. You knew this… this was the song they played at the Groovebox thing… What was the name of it…?

Then it hit you. You made quick eye contact with Sam, “Is this Thunderstomp?!” You mouthed to him. 

He smiled a giant smile, and slowly nodded ‘yes’ as he did so. Wow. You hadn’t heard this in so many years, and they decided to add a snippet in for fun. You suddenly felt all the emotions from the night so far building up. The memories coming back full force of watching them practice for hours in the garage...the day Jake asked Sam to come and play the bass for him. Jake had gotten his first real electric guitar, and fell in love with it. He never set it down. Sam always picking on him for how attached he was. 

You remembered as a kid, your mom and dad would take you over to the Kiszka house while the parents played cards into the early morning hours. Sam would practice the piano for hours on end while you sat and listened, doing homework and watching movies on mute. 

You remembered Sam getting his very own bass guitar for Christmas one year, being surprised and excited, but intimidated nonetheless. 

“Dad this is awesome, but I don’t know how to play it.” He’d said.

“Don’t worry. You’ll pick it up one day.” Kelly winked. 

You remembered the day Jake busted into the living room, carrying Sam’s untouched bass. 

“Hey, come on. We need you to play this.” He said, placing the bass on Sam’s lap. 

“Dude I don’t know how. I wouldn’t even know where to start. Go away.” Sam replied. 

Jake kneeled down next to him, his face softening to match his voice, “Please, Sambo? Try for me. I’ll show you a few chords. I’ll…I’ll teach you.” Jake begged. 

Sam met your eyes, looking for your opinion. All you did was shrug, “Let him teach you. What’s the worst that could happen?” 

“You kick ass on the keys, how do you know you won’t kick ass on this too?” Jake pleaded, sending him a warm smile. 

You remembered the visual of Sam reluctantly getting up from the couch and dragging himself to the garage, Jake so excited just to have him there. That he was willing to try, just for him.

Two weeks later, he was a natural. He played it like he’d known how for years. His fingers glided across the strings effortlessly and from then on, you couldn’t drag him away from the garage. 

The memory flashed away as you now watched them on the stage together, sounding as professional as ever, with thousands of fans screaming for them. They had fun together, dancing around and communicating with their eyes. This was their true passion. 

Pride welled up in your chest as you began to cry tears of happiness for them, being so thankful you were there for the beginning of it all, and so sorry you had missed out on the middle. 

—

The show ended on a high note, the encore rounding off the first night perfectly. When the guys flooded off stage, they were full of excitement and exhaustion, searching for drinks and towels, rushing backstage as quickly as possible. Ok, back to work. 

You followed them out, watching as they celebrated together, suppressing your tears and emotions as best you could. You were so proud. 

Everyone was loaded up in the vans, ready to go back to the hotel and clean up from the night. You checked your phone and email one last time, ticking off check marks on your list of post-show tasks. A perfect night, no mishaps whatsoever. You felt so lucky, and truly felt like you had a handle on this job so far. You shot Allison a text letting her know how everything went, and that you were headed back to the hotel for the night.

You sneakily turned your body so your phone was concealed, and opened the photo from Sam again. You felt a wave of nervous excitement flood your system, and you saved the photo to your private album, deleting the one from the text thread. You decided to shoot him a quick text. 

You 11:47 pm: Thank you for that. More where it came from? 

Keys 11:48 pm: You’re very welcome. Absolutely, lots more ;) Come shower with me?

You pondered for a second, not seeing any harm in it. 

You 11:49 pm: I’ll be there.

The vans pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, and everyone began to unload. Everybody was tired, but still a bit keyed up from the excitement of the night. You checked in with the crew, letting everyone know of the meeting time tomorrow morning. With that, you turned your iPad off, and silenced your phone. 

You entered the hotel lobby, rustling around in your backpack for your key card and making your way to the elevator. 

“Hey!” A familiar voice caught you off guard from down the hall. It was Jake walking toward you. Your heart nearly stopped beating. “You ok? I saw you wiping your eyes getting into the van.” 

Oh shit, he’d seen the after effects of your emotional breakdown. 

“Hey! Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a little…in my feelings watching you guys.” you trailed off, already having said too much. 

“Oh, is that…bad?” He asked, completely misunderstanding your reason for tears. 

You gave him a halfhearted smile as you took a deep breath. “Exactly the opposite, actually.” You offered, not wanting to go into any detail at the moment. 

“Okay, well…I was gonna get changed and go down to the hotel bar. Do you… wanna join?” He asked motioning behind him. His eyes were full of hope. 

Yes. Yes I’ll do whatever you ask of me. I’d follow you to the ends of the earth. Take me wherever you want and do whatever you want with me. 

“Ah, that’s okay. You go ahead. Rain check, though?” You answered, going against every ounce of judgment in your brain. 

His face fell, defeated. “Yeah, rain check.” He grinned a little, and turned back the way he was heading. You felt like kicking yourself. 

“Oh, Jake?” He turned back around, now walking backwards away from you, hands in his pockets. “You guys sounded really great tonight. It was perfect.” You offered, wanting to give him more, go into every little detail about his playing, ask him a million questions, drone on for hours about how much you loved everything about the show…About him.

“Thanks for keeping us in line, darlin’.” And with that, he turned the corner, and was gone. That was the second time he’d used a pet name tonight. First love, now darlin? He made you weak in the knees.

You boarded the elevator with a heavy fog clouding your mind. You replayed the encounter over and over. You felt terrible for turning his invitation down, but you already made plans to go to Sam’s room. You pressed the button for your floor, and suddenly felt overwhelmingly confused. 

Should you knock on Jake’s door by accident? 

JAKE POV

You should have known she wouldn’t agree to it. Of course she didn’t want to get a drink with you. You purposefully walked to the opposite end of the building to board a different elevator than she had, suddenly feeling stupid for asking her in the first place. 

‘Let her come to you’, Josh’s words ringing through your head over and over as the elevator doors opened. You stepped inside, pulling your phone from your pocket just as Sam stepped in beside you. 

“You good? You look like someone punched you in the gut.” he jokes.

You smirk, “Mmm, kind of feels that way.” you whisper to yourself.

“Huh?” he questions, not hearing your words.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Just tired. Been a minute since I played like that is all. Hand hurts.” you answer.

“Okay...Well, what floor are you?” he asks.

“Eleven.” you answer stoically.

“Oh, me too!” he says, far too joyfully for your taste.

The elevator dings as you arrive at the eleventh floor, both of you stepping out into the carpeted hallway. You pull your keycard from your wallet as you round the corner.

Sam is not too far behind you, but stopping as he reaches the room next to yours, tapping his key to the lock.

“Night!” he says, nodding his head towards you.

“Later.” you reply, opening your door, and stepping inside.

Kicking off your boots you hobble further into the room, turning on a lamp and depositing your things on the dresser in one fell swoop. 

You make your way into the bathroom, turning the shower on, letting the water get hot as you remove your clothes. The shower is quick, rinsing away the remnants of sweat and letting the scalding water relax your tired muscles. You massage the sting in your hand as you close it into a fist. Will this goddamn thing ever heal? 

As the bathroom fills with steam you let your mind wander. It was so good to be back on the stage finally playing the songs as they were intended to be heard. The crowd seemed to love it, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Y/N. Did she actually like it? Her smile as you walked off the stage should have been enough of an indication, but the smile was laced with something else. Her eyes were sad. You could tell she had been crying.  You were feeling really confident mid set, nailing every note with ease, just like you practiced time and time again. 

But the sadness of her demeanor as the show ended had you wondering if maybe you hadn’t done as well as you thought. Maybe she was expecting more? If you were good she would have told you, right? You’d do better tomorrow. You’d show her. All you really want is for her to be proud of you.

You turned the knob on the shower, letting the water trickle from the shower head until it came to a stop. You grabbed the towel from the rack and wrapped yourself in the scratchy white fabric. Walking back into the room, you unzipped your suitcase pulling out your sweats and a t-shirt before closing it back up. 

You ran your fingers through your wet hair as you spotted the mini bar near the window. Squatting down in front of the offerings you found 4 mini bottles of Jack Daniel’s. Perfect.

Pulling them from the slot, you stood up and grabbed one of the glasses covered with a paper shield, and twisted the lid on the first bottle of Jack. Hesitating, your eyes flashed to the ice bucket. Yeah, I think so. 

Ice bucket in hand you made your way to the door, grabbing your room key and twisting the lock. As you open the door to step out, you glance down the hallway in search of the vending machines, but what you see is not the sight you were looking for. 

You see Y/N standing in front of Sam’s door, about to walk in. Your eyes meet quickly, as your grip on the ice bucket tightens. This is why she turned you down. For Sam.

Her eyes break from yours, glancing at the ice bucket in your hand and tossing you a sorrowful smile, just as she holds the card to the lock. Her eyes flash back up to yours, and you can still see that same look in them that she had earlier. She is sad. She looks away and steps inside, and as the door shuts behind you, you let out the breath that was caught in your chest at first sight of her. 

When will it be my door she walks through? Will it ever be?

—

HER POV

You landed on your floor, and walked to your room to change out of your more professional outfit and into something a little more comfortable. It was a hot day, and changing out of the clothes you’d spent the day sweating in felt nice. You actually were very excited to shower the day off with Sam, and actually enjoy the shower itself. 

You grabbed a pair of jeans and tshirt for the morning walk of shame, and changed into a loose tank top and shorts for tonight. You headed back to the elevator, and up to Sam’s room. On the ride up, you texted him to let him know you were coming. 

You 12:09pm: Almost there! 

Keys 12:10pm: Shower’s hot. 

You 12:10pm: Good. So am I… 

Keys 12:11pm: Hurry up

The elevator doors opened, and you took off down the hallway toward his room, only to be met with Jake, again, walking back down the hall with an ice bucket in hand. You felt like your skull was full of lightning bolts, thoughts bouncing around in your head of what lie you could tell him to get out of this one. 

When his eyes met yours, his posture dropped. You didn’t need to lie. He knew exactly where you were going. Exactly why you turned down drinks. Neither of you said a word, just held eye contact as you walked slowly toward each other and approached your respective doors. You raised the key card to the handle, and it unlocked. You twisted the knob, and gave Jake one last longing look before slipping into Sam’s room. 

You dropped your things on the couch, and took a deep and cleansing breath. Jake just had to be in the hallway at that exact moment, didn’t he? Why did you keep lining up like this? You decided to shake the thought free, and suppress the vision of the look on his face when he realized where you were going. 

You heard the shower running in the bathroom, so you decided to give Sam a little show. You stripped down to nothing, and quietly opened the bathroom door. The shower glass was fogged up, but you could see the silhouette of his body inside. You pulled the handle on the thin glass of the door, and stepped inside. He wiped his face clean of the residual soap he was washing with, and opened his eyes to meet yours. 

“Hey.” You said with a smile. 

“Hey yourself.” He immediately pulled you into him, skin to skin, standing under the hot streams of the shower. “You killed it today, you know. You’re really a natural.” He began to lay his mouth on your neck. 

“Mmm, I dunno Sam. Everyone pretty much already knows exactly what to do and how to do it. I don’t do much.” You replied, tilting your head back to give him more access. 

“I guess…but you keep us on time and in touch. There’s got to be so much you do behind the scenes that no one ever notices.” He went on, turning you around and pulling his fingers through your hair to wet it. 

“I suppose so, but enough about me. Let’s talk about how you guys made me cry in front of all my new coworkers tonight.” You joked, but not really. 

“Ahh, I thought I saw you get a little emotional over there. Was it the Thunderstomp throwback?” he laughed, continuing to massage your scalp. 

“That’s definitely made it worse… I was already just...in awe of you guys. How you sounded. How you performed...it’s unreal Sam. I’m being serious.” 

“Well thanks, babe. I’m sorry you cried. I think happy tears are good for you, though.” He replied. You didn’t have the guts to tell them that they weren’t all happy tears. 

You finished up washing yourselves, and were left still standing in the shower, taking each other in. You brought your hands up to hold Sam’s face, and placed a genuine kiss to his lips. He smiled, and wrapped his arms around you again. He kissed you back, a bit harder this time. You began fighting each other for dominance through the kiss as it became more heated, and your hands began to search each other’s bodies. 

You felt yourself getting insanely turned on as Sam quickly backed you against the wall of the shower, and lifted one of your legs to rest over his hip. He tightened his jaw as he felt himself pressed against you, growing harder with each passing second. “God I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of how you feel...” he said through his clenched teeth. He began to grind against your now spread lips, and the friction was enough to drive you insane. He held you in place while he teased you with his tip, moving it from your clit to your entrance and back again, never fully pressing in. 

“Please Sam, I need you.” You pleaded, begging him to fill you. 

“Tell me what you need, baby. Talk to me.” He growled. 

“Fuck, I need you inside me. Can you?” You looked up at him, giving him the eyes you knew he couldn’t refuse. 

“Tell me why I should fuck you, hm? Give me a good reason...” he continued grinding hard against your clit, causing you to begin to see stars. 

“Because you did so good tonight...played so perfect…” you whimpered. 

He reached and grabbed your tit with his free hand, giving it a rewarding squeeze. 

“Yeah? You enjoyed yourself tonight? Liked watching me up there?” He twisted your nipple, eliciting a cry from your throat. 

“Yeah Sammy, I did like watching you...playing for all those people. So hot. All those screaming fans wishing they could have you…let you take them back to your room and have your way with them…” you spoke between breaths. 

Suddenly he separated from you and released your leg, spinning you around to lean your arms down on the seat in the shower. You bent in half, and looked back toward him. He laid a loud smack across your right ass cheek, spurring you on. 

“Keep going...” he ordered. 

“But you weren’t going to bring them back to your room, because you knew I would come. And I would fuck you just how you like…right Sammy?” You said, backing yourself against him, teasing him a little now. 

He let out a low growl, bringing his hands to your hips and pulling himself toward you. “Mmmmhm… but you did something you shouldn’t have, didn’t you angel?”

“And what is that?” you ask.

“I happened to see a sexy little picture on Jake’s phone… one that I’ve seen before…” he says, continuing to tease you.

“Mmmm… I may have sent it… Are you jealous Sammy?” you ask, pressing yourself back to him.

“No. Should I remind you who has you bent over in the shower with their cock inside you?” he says, pressing just the tip to your opening.

You decided to keep going. “I opened the photo you sent me during the show tonight…you looked so hot Sam...made me wet just looking at it…couldn’t take my eyes off of you all night.” he was teasing your entrance again. 

“Fuckkkkk me…” he huffed, letting himself enter you just a little bit. 

“Yeah Sam, please. Listen to yourself, falling apart for me, do it.” You stepped your legs apart a little and swayed your hips for him, giving him no choice but to give you what you wanted. Suddenly, you heard the shower turn off. 

You turned to face him, a devilish look painting his features.

“Go get on the bed. Don’t dry off.” He spoke sternly smacking your ass, and you had no choice but to do just that.

JAKE POV

You watch as the ice starts to melt in the glass as you pour over the tiny bottle of warm Jack Daniels. Only giving it just enough time to chill before tossing it back and twisting the lid on the next. 

You listen as the TV drones on in the background, playing some crime investigation show that you haven’t been paying attention to. How could you after that? 

You wish you could silence the thoughts plaguing your mind. Wish you could drown them in the mini bottles of liquor now swirling through your bloodstream. But you can’t.

When the bottles are empty and your mind is fuzzy you retire to the bed, turning off the lamp and lowering the volume on the TV. As you scroll through your phone your eyelids become heavy and start to become harder and harder to hold open. 

Thump.

Your eyes shot open. What was that? 

Thump.

You sat up in your bed, looking around to find the source of the noise. Fucking hotels. The clock read 1:07 am.  You had only been asleep for about 15 minutes. Pushing your hair out of your face you shake your head and lay back down. You grab the remote, turning the TV off, and trying to close your eyes to find the sleep you were disturbed from. 

Thump. Thump.

“What the fuck…” you growl, but thats when you hear it. The muffled groan. 

Your eyes widen as you realize where the noise is coming from. Fuck me.

Then you hear it again, the stifled whine traveling through the wall from Sam’s room. Wait, are they fighting? A pitchy moan floats through the wall. Oh, they are not fighting…God, I should not be listening to this.

Grabbing the remote you turn the TV back on, hoping the noise will drown out the sex seeping in from next door. Fucking Sam, what an asshole. They could have at least gone to her room.

As you lay there staring at the TV screen you watch as the detectives cover a body with a tarp as you hear the repeated moans echoing through the walls. Shit, kill me too while you’re at it.

Turning the volume up further on the TV you placed a pillow over your head, and tried to go back to sleep. Letting the soft feather pillow rest over your face, you feel yourself starting to slip back into that sleepy state. As your eyes begin to shut you hear the headboard as it slams against the wall yet again. Jesus Christ, when did he get so much stamina?

You grab the pillow and throw it to the other side of the bed in frustration and that's when the final straw is snapped. The fucked out moan you can hear clear as day through the paper thin walls, ‘Sam…’ 

You grab your phone off of the nightstand, finding his contact and hitting call. It’s no surprise when it rings through to voicemail. Asshole. You sigh as you set the phone down, seeing the black room phone sitting on the stand next to the lamp. Ha...he can’t ignore that.

Flicking on the lamp you pick up the phone, and call in to the front desk. It rings in for a moment before the woman on the other end asks what she can do to help you. “Hey, this is Jake Kiszka in room 1109, could you please connect me to Sam Kiszka in room 1107?” you ask as politely as possible.

“Sure thing, have a great night.” she replies, transferring the call and letting it ring through. You pull the receiver away from your ear as you listen to hear his phone ringing next door. Got ya bitch.

“Hello?” he answers, voice thick with confusion.

“Good evening Samuel. Do you think you could keep it the fuck down over there?” you ask.

He clears his throat, “You can… hear… over there?” he asks nervously.

“Yeah, I can and if I have to hear one more thing, the next scream to leave your mouth will be the last when I come over there and make you the next victim on this late-night murder investigation show I'm watching.” you say, hanging up the phone. That should do it. 

Turning the lamp back off you adjust your pillows and roll to your side. The noise stopped after that and you found yourself falling back asleep, but it was not lost on you that the noises you were hearing were also coming from her. Does he make her happy? Does she even remember what it felt like to be with you? You wanted to be the reason she made those noises, not him. Would you ever get to do that again? You forced the thoughts out of your head and let the darkness carry your mind away to a place far, far from here.

NIGHT TWO

HER POV

Your alarm goes off right at 7:00, forcing your eyes open in panic. The room is bright, as the sun shines through from the window. The curtains left open in the haste of the evening. 

Turning your head you see Sam, still passed out next to you, clearly unaffected by the sound of the alarm. You smirk as you roll to your side, grabbing your phone and scrolling through your emails, trying to wake up your brain for another insane day of work. 

After a few minutes, you take one last look at Sam, sneak out of the bed and gather your clothes from the floor, sliding them back on as you search for your room key. You shut the door quietly behind you, as you make your way to the elevator pressing the call button to take you to your floor.

It dings as the doors open to reveal none other than Josh standing inside, steaming hot cup of coffee in his hand. 

“Good morning!” he says cheerily, voice still thick with sleep. 

“Hi Josh, looks like I don't need to knock on your door do I?” you laugh, pressing the 4th floor button until it’s illuminated. 

“Knock on my door?” he asks, sipping from the steaming cup.

“Oh, yeah I told Sam and Danny I would come knock on their doors when they needed to get up today. Like a wake up call kinda, but I don't need to wake them up for another hour or so. You guys have an interview at the venue this morning.” you answer. 

“Oh. We do?” he asks, brow furrowed.

You pulled out your phone and looked at the schedule for today. “Uh, yeah, right here. 11:00, it’s for Premier Guitar. Looks like it’s a Sam and Jake interview.”

“Oh, the guy for Rig Rundown?” he asks.

“Yeah, that's what it says in the notes.” you reply.

“Hmm… no one ever wants to hear about what the singer does…” he says dramatically ending with a wink and a smile.

“You and Danny have one later in the day, drama queen.”

The elevator descends slowly and you watch as the numbers start to count down.

“So if you don't have to wake them up for another hour, where were you coming from?” he asks, with a knowing smirk.

You cut your eyes at him, not wanting to answer his question. “Would you look at that, here's my floor...” you say stepping out into the hallway through the open doors. 

“Hey, wait.” he calls, holding the door open with his arm. You turn to look at him, sending him a questioning look.

“Can we… talk later?” he asks.

You swallow nervously as your mind tries to come up with an answer, “About what?”

He tilts his head in response and you know exactly what he wants to talk about. You let a sigh leave your chest as you concede, “Okay... Later.”

He smiles and removes his arm, taking a sip of his coffee and raising his eyebrow as the doors shut in front of him.

Shit.

—

After a long shower and some primping you are feeling good and ready to tackle another day. You check your phone to see that it’s time to go wake up the rest of the guys to make sure they have enough time to get ready and be at the venue on time. 

Pressing the button for the elevator you make your way to Danny’s room first, knocking on the door twice and waiting for some type of confirmation that he was awake. After a minute or two you heard the lock twist and the door open, to see a mess of curls and tired eyes. 

“Good morning…” he groans. “How long do I have? Is there coffee?” he asks.

“You have about an hour until we need to meet downstairs. Yes there is coffee.” you answer.

He drags his hand over his face and groans as he nods his head. “Thank you. Really. I will see you shortly.” he smiles, and you turn on your heels heading back to the elevator. 

Stepping off on floor eleven, you try to decide if you should wake Sam first or Jake first, knowing that both had a very late night, and are not particularly morning people. Picking the lesser of the two evils you head to Sam’s door, tapping the key to the lock and letting it open.

He is almost exactly how you left him, except the blankets have been shoved down to the foot of the bed, the heat of the sun shining in, warming the room. You sit on the edge of the bed, and grab his leg, shaking it gently to try and wake him. “Sammy…” you whisper.

A groan leaves his chest, “Not yet…” he whines, throwing a pillow over his eyes.

“I let you sleep as long as I could…you have to get up or you’re going to be late.” you say softly.

“Ugh… you sound like my mother…” he says.

You stand up and walk to his side of the bed, hovering over top of him as your hands cage in his head. You lean down and press a kiss to the side of his neck, hoping that it would at least get him to open his eyes, and like magic it works.

His dark brown eyes flutter open quickly raking over you as his lips turn into a smile.

“Damn, you look gorgeous, did you do something different to your hair?” he asks, reaching up to run his fingers through the silky smooth locks.

You laugh as you stand up, “I had some time this morning so I gave myself a blowout, why do you like it?” you ask.

“Yeah… you look…hot.” he smiles, sitting up in the bed and grabbing your hand pulling you towards him. “How much time do we have again?” he asks suggestively.

“Not enough…now get up and get in the shower. I’ll see you downstairs in an hour. Please be on time…” you say making your way back to the door. 

“Where are you going?” he asks.

“Next door. I have to wake up your brother.” you answer.

Guilt shoots through him as he remembers the events of the evening, “Probably not so sexy of a wake up call for him though, huh?” 

You laugh, “No, probably not Sam. Just you.” you say in a mocking tone, letting the door shut behind you.

You nervously walk the few steps to his door, as the memory of his face last night flashes through your brain. If you had just been 2 minutes earlier he wouldn’t have seen you walking into Sam’s room. You swallow shakily as you lift your hand to knock on the heavy wooden door. 

You stand there anxiously, waiting to see if you can hear any sign of life on the other side. When you hear nothing, you decide to knock again, this time being met with the door being thrown open and an irritated Jake on the other side. 

His face softens as he realizes it’s you and he swallows back the harsh words that were about to leave his lips. 

Your eyes travel up the length of his body as he stands there leaning against the door frame in just his sweats. You cast your eyes to the floor as you try to speak the twenty different thoughts swirling through your brain, “Umm… hey… I just…I woke up the rest of the guys… you have an interview later…just didn’t want you to oversleep. I didn’t mean to bother you…I didn’t even ask you if you wanted a wake up call, did I? You probably didn’t…I’m sorry… I was just next door and I thoug–” you stammered before he stopped you.

“Hey. Relax. It’s fine. Thanks for waking me up. Just use a key next time so I don’t have to get out of bed. I’m hungover as fuck, is there coffee downstairs anywhere?” he grumbles, rubbing his face.

You blink blankly at him as your brain searches for any words, “Uhh, yeah. Yes. There is. I can have room service send some up if you want.” you say pulling your phone from your back pocket.

“No, no it’s okay, I can get it. Thank you though. Thanks for waking me. What time do I need to be down there?” he asks.

You check the time on your phone, “Like… 45 minutes.” you answer, biting your lip.

His eyes meet yours, and he smiles softly as he nods his head, “Thank you.” You nod in return, turning to walk back to the elevator, and stepping inside as the doors opened. But as the doors began to close you noticed him still standing in his doorway, watching you leave. Your eyes meeting his and never breaking away until the doors slid shut. 

—

Your foot bounces nervously on the lobby floor as you wait for the guys to begin trickling down stairs. You check the time on your phone as texts and emails continue to pour in. Danny is the first to meet you, taking a seat next to you on the small couch. 

“I’m not surprised you’re the first one down.” you laugh.

“Yeah, I am usually the one doing the wake up calls, it was nice to be the recipient this time.” he smiles.

A few minutes later you see Sam strolling out of the elevator, fresh from the shower, hair still wet and slicked back, just barely touching the collar of his white shirt. 

“My two favorite people!” he says, positioning himself on the chair across from you.

“Ready for your big interview?” you ask.

“Oh, yeah, we have done this with him before, but this time my bass actually has strings.” he laughs. “But, I had an idea and I will need your help…” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

He spends the next ten minutes telling you and Danny about his hairbrained idea involving a tiny table and chairs and a bottle of vodka, both of you erupting in laughter. You shoot a quick text to one of the crew members, trying to coordinate those details for him knowing it will add some comedy to an otherwise monotonous interview. 

Summer is the next one down, sitting next to Danny and immediately starting up an overly animated conversation.

The elevator dings and you all turn your heads to see Josh and Jake walking out of the elevator together, your breath catching in your throat as your eyes meet Jakes.

He looks so…good. Dressed in a black button up, sans buttons, a navy blue blazer, and a pair of loose fitting jeans, he looked perfectly disheveled. Mature. Expensive. Much different from the guy you knew a few years ago in ripped jeans and cut off t-shirts. But as he approached you, you could smell him. His cologne leaving a trail behind him as he walked, spicy and warm and positively intoxicating. You swallowed harshly trying to keep your composure as you let the scent fill your nose. 

“We ready to go?” Josh asked, looking around at the group.

You stood up from the couch, clutching your iPad, “Yeah, the van was here like twenty minutes ago.” you laugh.

“Some of us needed a little extra sleep this morning. Didn’t sleep well last night. Thin walls, you know?” Jake says, tossing a bitter look to Sam.

Sam’s face turns pale as he stands up and walks towards the door heading for the van. Guilt washes through you as you follow the rest of them out the doors and into the bright sun.

You all pile into the van, and thankfully the drive is short, as Summer has not stopped talking since the doors shut. All of the guys were being far too polite and were too hungover to tell her to stop. You spend most of the ride responding to emails and running over the itinerary for the day and before you know it you are pulling into the back of the venue. As you all step out, the guys linger waiting to be told where they need to be. 

“Okay, Jake and Sam, John with Premier Guitar will be here in about 45 minutes to start the interview. Sam I already talked to Mike and he is getting your little table ready. Josh and Daniel, the interviewer from 105.9 will be here at 12:30. After that you’re free to do whatever you need to do. Summer, if you want to just kind of float around and get some photos of the guys, you are good to do your own thing. Any questions?” you ask.

They all nod their heads and break off towards the green room as you and Summer walk towards the stage to check on the progress. 

“Was your room okay last night?” you ask, trying to make small talk.

She holds her camera up to her eye, checking her settings as she turns to you, “Yeah, it was really nice. How about yours?”

“Oh, yeah, the rooms are great. Hoping to get better sleep tonight though. Looking forward to another jam-packed day, first.” you laugh.

Looking over her shoulder she checks her surroundings, “Okay was it just me or was Jake looking extra good this morning? Did you smell him? Ugh, I hope he never buttons his shirts ever again.” she giggles.

You laugh, “He looked pretty hungover to me…”

“But you have to admit he's hot though…” she says, holding the camera up to her eye, snapping the capture button.

“Our boss? Jake?” you say, condescendingly.

“Ugh… objectively then. Just as a man.” she says.

“Yes, objectively as a man he is attractive, but he’s still our boss and has the ability to fire us for any reason he sees fit. I think it would be smart to keep that in mind, you know?” you quip.

“Yeah, yeah… I hear you.” she smiles, before scurrying off to the soundbooth.

You shake your head as you climb the stairs to the stage, looking to make sure the table and chairs are set in the back for Sam. When you see the tiny table and the drinks you laugh, ready to see how his little vision will play out later. 

Walking back down the steps you thank the crew for assisting with the last minute addition before making your way to the green room. You check the time on your phone, seeing that the interviewer will be here any minute. Jake and Sam were lounging on the couch, nursing their hangovers with none other than more alcohol.

You shake your head as you address them, “Are you two ready?”

Sam stands up and slides his black loafers back on, as he tries to crack his knuckles, “Yeah I’m ready if he is.” he says motioning to Jake, who is sipping from his paper cup, sunglasses sitting low on his nose.

“Alright alright…Yes, I’m ready.” he says, pushing his sunglasses up and tossing back the rest of his drink. He stands to meet Sam and fixes his blazer and shirt, making himself look less hungover and more presentable. 

A knock at the door has your head snapping to meet it, as you reach for the handle. You’re met with the sight of an older man, who you’re assuming was here to interview them, with a bag full of mics and a camera team.

“Hey, I’m John with Premier Guitar. You guys ready!?” he asks excitedly.

Suddenly Jake steps forward, his entire demeanor changing as he becomes a more polished and clean version of himself, shaking hands with the man like they were old friends. Jake led him and his crew out to the stage, as you and Sam followed closely behind. 

“Geeze, that was weird, he just…turned on.” you say to Sam.

He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, he does that… Mr. Popularity… I tell ya…” he says. “Alright, see you in a bit.” he says, squeezing your hand before climbing up the stairs to the stage.

You watch from the side stage, as Jake talks intently about his passion, explaining the ins and outs of his set up, the ideas he came up with for the sound and the way he intends things to be heard. It’s incredibly addicting watching him speak so passionately about what he loves. You have a hard time tearing your eyes away from him as you watch him demonstrate the different pedals and effects, pouring his soul into every note. 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed as you watched, but when a gentle hand made its way to your shoulder you were snapped from your moment of weakness.

“Oh, hi.” you say, turning to see Josh.

“Having fun?” he asks with a knowing tone.

“Just… making sure everything is running smoothly.” you answer.

“Right, right. That's all, hmm?” he asks with a wink.

You shake your head, “What’s up?” 

“Come walk with me, wanna talk to you.” he says, gesturing to follow him.

“Right now? They are right in the middl–” you start.

“Exactly, let’s go.” he says, raising his eyebrows.

With a huff, you follow after him, meeting his stride as you head back towards the dressing rooms. 

He steps inside, shutting the door behind you and taking a seat on the couch. You place your iPad on the table and sit down across from him. 

“Okay, what’s up, are you firing me?” you laugh.

He laughs his genuine laugh, “No, of course not. You’re doing spectacular. No, I want to talk about… something else.”

You feel your palms start to sweat, and suddenly you know what he wants to talk about.

“Okay…” you reply nervously.

“How long are you two going to do this?” he asks.

“Do what?” you ask.

He tilts his head, “Come on Y/N, you know what. The back and forth, the subtle glances, the longing for each other from across the room…”

You let out a sigh,“I don’t think it’s like that between us anymore…I don’t think he feels… the same way anymore.” you offer.

A scoff leaves his chest, “Open your eyes Y/N. That man is deeply, deeply in love with you. Has been since he was sixteen years old. I think it’s safe to say he feels the same way as he always has.”

“He just broke up with Sophia, and… I don’t know, I thought maybe we would talk after all of that happened, but… we haven’t and… I’m just… waiting. I don’t know what for…I guess I just don’t want to mess things up. Tour just started. I don’t know Josh, everything is a mess. And really, truly he hasn’t really given me any indication that he wants to talk. Although… I guess he did ask to get drinks last night…”

“And… did you?” he asks, shocked.

“No.” you say looking at the floor.

“What? Why not?” he asks.

“Well… I had already made plans with Sam.” you reply.

He drags his hand across his face, “Shit Y/N…”

“Do you love him?” he asks.

“Who Sam!?” you ask, looking at him like he's crazy.

“No, Jake.” he replies.

You pause for a moment, your eyes searching his as you answer, “Of course I do, Josh. I never stopped.”

“So what are you waiting for? Go to him!” he urges.

“I can’t! It’s not that simple!” you say, raising your voice.

“It is! Cut things off with Sam and go talk to Jake! He needs you, and you’re torturing him. He is waiting for you!” he begs.

“He’s waiting for me? I’ve been waiting for him.” you breathe, almost a whisper.

“Yeah. He is. And in the meantime it’s killing him to watch you with Sam.” he says.

“He saw me…last night. I turned him down in the lobby. I really wanted to go with him, but I couldn’t just ditch Sam. He’s been there for me a lot lately, he means a lot to me, you know? Anyways, I felt terrible. Awful actually. But I went to Sam’s room, and as I was unlocking the door, Jake coming out of his room at the exact moment. He knew I turned him down for Sam. I wanted to disintegrate.” you say.

“I know. He texted me about it…Drank half of the mini bar because of it. Like I said, you’re torturing him.” he quipped. “You two need to talk. Seriously.”

“I know. I’m just scared Josh.” you admit.

“Don’t be scared, all he wants to do is love you.” he says.

“I’m not the same person I used to be. What if he doesn’t like who I am now?” you ask.

“He has loved every version of you he’s ever met, Y/N.” he offers.

You nod your head as you try to blink away the tears forming in your eyes. 

“You are the only thing he has ever wanted, apart from this.” he says motioning around him. “Now he has it, but what is all of this without you? This will never be enough for him. He needs you.”

A single tear streaks down your face, as your walkie talkie beeps on your shoulder. ‘Y/N can you meet us at the soundbooth?’

“I have to go.” you say standing up and wiping away the tear.

“Okay, please, just think about what I said. Just talk to him.” he begs.

You swallow back the lump in your throat, “I will. Promise.” and with that you’re out the door. 

As you hear it slam behind you, a shaky breath releases from your chest, just as Sam and Jake come barreling down the hallway. You do your best to put on a happy face as you see them, but you can see Jake’s smile drop as he meets your gaze. 

Sam tries to stop you but you push past, “I have to go to the soundbooth but I’ll be right back okay?” Sam tosses you a concerned look but you ignore it, knowing if you turned around you would break down completely. 

—

With only five minutes until the show began, you started to run through your final checklist, making sure everyone was dressed and ready, and had everything they needed. Again tonight you got to stand by and watch their pre show ritual, your heart instantly flooded with pride, just the same as last night. 

You stand by the door as they file out one by one, checking to make sure their outfits are perfect. Josh first, then Danny, followed by Sam.

“Spin, let me see you.” you say, causing Sam to twirl in a circle with his topo chico in hand. 

“Oh, let me fix your pants.” you say squatting down to smooth out the baby blue fabric on his leg. 

“There. Off you go.” you say, swatting his butt with the iPad in your hand. 

Finally, Jake walks out of the door, and as you check his outfit you see his collar flipped up again. “Hey, wait...” you say, the crowd roaring in the distance.

He turns to face you, swallowing as his eyes meet yours. “Your collar…again.” you smile, focusing on the fabric, folding it into place, letting your hand slide down his lapel ever so slightly. He turns and repositions his jacket, throwing his hair over his shoulders before turning back to you “Am I good?” he asks innocently, eyes searching yours.

Your eyes flick back up to meet his, “You’re perfect.” you breathe.

You watch as the sides of his lips turn upwards, as he tries to stifle back a smile.

He turns to catch up with the guys, looking over his shoulder at you once more before climbing the stairs to the stage.

You toss your head back onto the wall and sigh, continuing to think about what Josh said earlier. He was right, you really didn’t know what you were waiting for. 

You would talk to him. Tonight. 

—

Somehow the show tonight was even better than the night before. While you’re sure it had something to do with the show being recorded tonight, part of you wants to believe they will just get better and better with every show under their belt. Josh’s vocals were incredible, nailing each note with perfect precision, and making it look easy.

Your eyes were once again drawn to Jake as he played through the set putting every ounce of effort he had into the performance. He lived for this, and it was very apparent in the passion he poured into each show. Every so often you would peel your eyes away from his hands working the strings, and focus on Sam, vying for the attention of the girls on the barricade screaming his name. You shook your head and smiled at the looks he would give them. He is such a flirt. 

When the guys rushed off stage before the encore, it was a flurry of hands, towels and water flying past your face as they all ran to the bathrooms. Quickly they returned one by one, preparing for the last 20 minutes of the show. 

Pulling his jacket back over his arms, you watched the sweat continue to pour down Jake's stomach meeting the top of his pants. As you watched it drip you caught yourself, forcing your eyes back up to his face, only to be caught in the act. 

A sly smile crossed his lips as he repositioned his guitar over his body, raising his eyebrows at you quickly before striding back onto the stage.

Shit. What was that?

The rest of the show was magnetic and you positively could not pull your eyes away from Josh as he gave the crowd everything he had. As the last notes rang through the venue you stood to the side, watching the guys rush past you one by one with haste as they made their way back to the green room. 

You left the crew to do their thing and begin breaking down the set, as you start to run through the inventory checklist backstage, checking off each item as it was placed into its case. As you make your way towards the dressing rooms, you instruct the crew to hang their white coveralls in the travel case to be dry cleaned. Stepping into the main green room you see everyone standing around enjoying a much deserved drink, talking and laughing over the success of the show. 

“Hey guys, you sounded amazing tonight! The van should be here in about 15 minutes to take you back to the hotel, so if you will just hang your suits in the case outside the door, I will send them off to be dry cleaned.”

They all nod in agreement, turning back to their conversations. Sam walks over to you, throwing his arm over your shoulder planting a kiss on your cheek. “You did it! Your first shows are done and dusted.” he smiles.

You wrap your arm around his waist, and laugh, “Well, I still have to make sure the rest of the crew gets the stage and everything packed up before I am done, but you guys are free to go when the van gets here. No need to wait on me.” you smile.

“Nonsense. We’re staying, right guys?” he asks, pulling you closer into his side.

“Yeah, we don’t have anywhere to be, as long as there is alcohol we are set.” Josh answers with a laugh. 

“Okay, it shouldn't be too long I don’t think…” you say, releasing yourself from Sam's grip. “I’ll go check and see what the progress looks like and report back.”

You excuse yourself from the room, mind a blur as the image of Jake’s still sweaty body sat lounging on the leather couch. Shit, will I ever get used to that?

Returning to the stage you see that the crew is practically finished, just loading the pieces into the semi. You talk with the crew, releasing them for the night once they are finished, and telling them you would send them the schedule for tomorrow as soon as you could.

About twenty minutes later you are walking back into the green room to see that everyone had changed into their normal clothes, hanging their suits just like you asked. As you took a survey of the room you saw Sam and Danny chatting in the corner, Josh looking at his phone and Jake talking intently to Summer, who was practically perched in his lap as she spoke to him.

Your brow furrowed as you watched them, deeply engrossed in what each other was saying. You couldn’t fully hear their conversation, but you could see the pink in Jake’s cheeks as he laughed and smiled at her words. You could see the twinkle in her eyes as she continued to flirt with him, starting a fire in your chest. Maybe he does like her…

You turn your attention to Josh, “You ready to get out of here?” you ask.

He turns his head to look at Jake and Summer before answering you. “Yeah, probably should. Give any thought to what I said earlier?”

“Yeah, I did… I thought maybe I would talk to him tonight but now I don't know… He seems a little… preoccupied.” you respond.

“Ahh…He’s just being nice, don’t worry about her. He only has eyes for you.” he smiles as he stands up. “Alright boys, let's go!” he says, getting the attention of the other guys.

You make your way over to Sam, letting him pull you into his lap wrapping his arms around your waist as you laugh. You see Jake's eyes flash over to yours, connecting briefly as Sam whispers into your ear, pressing a kiss to the side of your head as he continues his conversation with Danny. Jake’s face drops, the sudden rosy quality of his face draining away to a pale shade that made you feel sick. 

You didn’t want Summer to see the interaction between you and Sam so you quickly stood up, and made your way over to the door, opening it for everyone as they started to gather their things. Summer was the first out, camera bag in hand and completely oblivious to your moment with Sam. Jake followed after her, stopping to let Danny and Josh walk out before him.

As they filed out you shut the door behind yourself, wondering if Josh was actually right about Jake. Was he really still in love with you? He looked awfully cozy with Summer… 

No. No more excuses. You were going to talk to him. You didn’t know how, but you knew you had to.

JAKE POV

Walking to catch up with Josh you leaned closer to whisper into his ear, “Did you see that shit Sam pulled? Why does he do that right in front of me? Does he think this is some kind of game?” you asked.

“Ahh… he probably saw how comfortable you looked with Summer and thought you wouldn’t mind.” he answers, raising his eyebrow.

“She came to talk to me… what was I supposed to do?” you ask.

“She did not come to talk to you Jacob. She was flirting with you. Even Y/N noticed.” he says.

What?

“She did?” you asked, rubbing your jaw nervously.

“Yeah…Hey listen I talked to her today…” he starts just as you arrive at the van. 

“And… what? What did she say?” you beg, turning him to face you.

The van driver begins to talk to him and he gets distracted from your conversation, “Josh. What did she say?” you demand.

He looks around, not making eye contact with you, “Now isn’t a good time. I will tell you later. Promise.” he says, stepping into the van.

Fucker.

You climb in after him, pulling your phone from your pocket to distract yourself from the sight of her and Sam sitting in front of you. Summer climbs in taking the seat next to you and smiling at you as she settles her camera bag onto her lap. As the van begins to drive away she pulls her camera from its case and starts to flip through the photos from the night. You peer over her shoulder as you see shot after shot of yourself playing.

Damn, those are kinda good…

Every few photos she would pat your thigh to get your attention, sending a shiver up your spine as she would show you a particularly good shot. Much of the van ride was silent, apart from the few ‘ooo’s’ that would leave her mouth as she looked through her shots. 

As the van pulled up outside the hotel you all filed out, you and Josh being the last ones out. Summer walked ahead as you stayed back to try and get Josh to finish what he was trying to tell you earlier.

“Okay, tell me. What did you two talk about.” you ask.

He sighs as he answers, “Well… you.” 

You look ahead to find her, and see her walking into the elevator. “Yeah, and…” you urge.

The doors shut, leaving the two of you waiting for the next elevator. 

“I think it would be better if you heard it from her. She wants to talk, Jake. She told me.” he says.

The doors open to the elevator, and the both of you walk in, pressing the buttons for your respective floors, as the doors shut once again. 

“Okay but when?” you ask desperately. 

“I don't know Jake, but I think it will be soon.” he says, as the doors open on his floor. “Just be patient. Call me if you need me.” he says, stepping out and walking away.

God damnit. You were done being patient. Should you go to her? Should you wait for her to come to you?

Tapping your key card to your door you step inside and throw yourself onto the bed with a sigh. Fucking hell what an exhausting day.

As you lay there running your hands over your face you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. Removing a hand from your face you reach into the pocket and retrieve your phone.

Summer 11:48pm : Some of us are going to the bar downstairs, wanna come?

You practically drained the mini bar last night, why not? Maybe Y/N will be there.

You 11:50pm: Sure, be there shortly.

Summer 11:51pm: :)

After a few minutes freshening up in the bathroom you make your way back down to the lobby and over into the bar. You see Danny and Summer sitting at the bar chatting and walk over to join them.

“Hey man, didn’t think you were gonna make it.” Danny says facetiously.

“Ahh Daniel… You know I can’t turn down a good stiff drink after a long show.” you laugh.

You take a seat next to Summer, and order a Glenlivet on the rocks, sipping the spicy liquid from the rim of the glass.

After a little rundown of the show the conversation quickly turns into Danny telling Summer every embarrassing story about you that he can come up with. Summer is full of laughter, patting your knee and smiling as she listens intently to Danny’s stories. 

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or exhaustion but, the more you got to talk to her and get to know her, you were starting to enjoy her company. She is kind of pretty…she has a great smile. 

You found yourself listening closer as she spoke, and genuinely laughing at her jokes. After two more scotch’s Daniel retired to bed, leaving you and Summer at the bar, still sipping away as the conversation flowed. 

As she grabbed her glass from the bar top, the condensation pooling under her fingers causing her glass to slip, spilling the mojito all over herself.

“Shit!” she exclaimed, grabbing the tiny cocktail napkins from the counter and pressing them to her now soaked shirt.

“Here let me grab you some more napkins.” you say reaching over the bartop.

“Actually, want me to run up and grab you a dry shirt? I have a few spares.” you offer.

Her eyes flash over to yours, “Are you sure you don't mind?”

“No, not at all.” you say, standing a little too quickly, causing your head to spin. 

“Actually, do you mind if I come with you? I’d love to be able to wash this off a little bit.” she asks.

“Uh, sure, no problem.” you say, leading the way.

She follows you into the elevator, her wet shirt clinging to her body, and you find that you’re having a hard time peeling your eyes away from her chest.

You swallow heavily as the doors open, and you let her walk out in front of you, telling her the room number as you make your way to the door. You tap your card to the lock, letting it open and guiding her inside. 

“Bathroom is right there, use anything you need.” you offer, walking over to your suitcase looking for a shirt. 

Finding the one you were looking for you turn around to see her stepping back out of the bathroom, but the wet shirt is gone, and she’s approaching you in just her bra. 

Fuck…

You quickly turn around, trying to give her privacy, only to be met with a giggle from across the room. 

“You don’t have to turn around Jake…I’m not shy…” she says.

“Just trying to give you some privacy.” you stammer.

“It’s just a bra, it’s not like I’m naked…” she laughs. “It’s okay, really. You can turn around. I know you want to…”

You press your lips together, biting them between your teeth as you turn to face her. She’s right. You do want to turn around. You hand her the t-shirt and like magnets, your eyes are drawn to her chest and the curve of her breasts spilling over her black bra. 

She watches you as you take her in, finding your mind wandering to a place you least expected it to. She slides the shirt over her head, never breaking eye contact with you as you step closer to her. 

“Well, how does it look?” she asks, stepping closer to you. 

You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket as you slide your hands around her waist. 

Her hands come to rest at the opening of your shirt, sliding up your chest and behind your neck.

“A perfect fit, I’d say. But I almost liked it better, off. ” you say, voice thick with lust.

She reaches down, grabbing the hem of the shirt, tossing it onto the bed behind you leaving her in just her bra in front of you.

Your thumbs circle the smooth skin of her stomach as she repositions herself in front of you, pulling your face closer to hers. 

“Better?” she whispered against your lips.

“Yeah, I think so.” you answer confidently, pressing your lips to hers, tasting the mint from her mojitos on her lips. You pull away quickly, testing the waters before kissing her again, this time a little harder. 

The kiss becomes more furious, your tongue tangling with hers as her hands wind into your hair. She steps backwards pulling you towards the bed, as you trail sloppy kisses down her neck and chest, pushing her towards the bed. 

“Did you like the pictures I took of you tonight, Jake?” she asked, voice thick with lust.

“Mmmmhm…” you groaned, as she fell beneath you.

She falls backwards as you kneel over her, trailing kisses over the curve of her breasts.

“You looked so good. So sexy. I couldn’t stop…” she breathes. 

She grabs your hand to place it over the cup of her bra, guiding you to grab at her curvy flesh. You return your mouth to hers, deepening the kiss, as your fingers slide the strap of her bra down her shoulder. 

“Do you want to fuck me Jake?” she asks in a breathy tone. 

Just as you go to answer her you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket again and you pull away from her and kneel on the bed, quickly looking to see who it was. 

Shit.

You look back to Summer, waiting for you to return your lips to hers, and answer her question. Right then you felt a pang in your chest. What are you doing? You are making a huge mistake. You stand up from the bed, adjusting your pants as you open the message. 

LD 12:03am : Hey, are you still up? Can we talk?

Your heart sinks into your stomach as you read it. No…Fuck. What shit timing. 

Your eyes flick back to Summer. She has to leave, right now.

Leaning away from her, you push yourself up off of the bed, fixing your shirt and wiping your lips. 

“I’m sorry, we can’t do this.” you say stepping back and pacing across the room. 

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“We work together, we can’t hook up. We shouldn’t have done this.” you answer. 

“What’s the big deal Jake? It doesn’t have to turn into anything. No one has to know. Can be our little secret.” she smirks.

“No. It can’t. You’re here to do your job, and I am here to do mine. If you’re not capable of that, I will find someone else to do it.” you say sternly.

She sits up, pulling the t-shirt over her head, covering herself back up as she stands up from the bed. “Damn I guess Y/N was right…did you turn her down too?” she asks sarcastically. 

“What?” you ask.

“Y/N told me not to bother with you, that you only cared about work. I thought she was just trying to scare me off… Guess she was right afterall. What a shame…” she says, grabbing her purse from the chair. 

She does care…

“Summer, you are a beautiful girl but this just can’t happen between us. I really am sorry, okay? I don’t want to hurt your feelings, I just think we need to keep things professional for the sake of the tour.” you say, trying your best to calm the fire. 

“Sure Jake…whatever you say… I’ll see you in the morning.” she says, shutting the door behind her. 

Oh my god, what a nightmare. 

How could you be so stupid? Worst of all you weren’t even enjoying it. 

You open the message reading it again. ‘Can we talk?’ Your mind was reeling. You were in no shape to try and talk to her, even though that’s all you wanted to do. The scotch was still working its way through your system, and you knew she deserved more than your half drunk confession. 

You needed to text her back. At least tell her you wanted to, just not tonight. You walked over to the mini bar, pulling out the only remaining bottles. Tequila. 

You walked over to the door, flipping the lock and kicking off your shoes. You stripped down to your boxers and made your way into the bed, mini bottles in tow. You twisted the lid on the first tossing it down as you reopened the text. What should you say?

Typing in the message you hover over the send button, but quickly delete the thought. No. That’s not right. 

You shoot down the next bottle and place it on the nightstand, turning off the lamp. You settle down into the pillows and push your hair from your face. Okay. Let’s try again. 

The screen was starting to become blurry as the tequila entered your bloodstream. You were having a hard time focusing and you could feel the sleep creeping into your body. Your eyes began to close as your thumb hovered over the button. 

Just send the message Jake. 

Just hit send. 

—

HER POV

The next morning, everyone began piling into the vans to head back home bright and early. Light chatter filled the cabin, everyone still feeling the effects of the long few days. Exhausted, you begin looking around to do another head count. It was starting to feel like you were a preschool teacher counting your students every 5 minutes. 

Most of the crew was accounted for…but of course, only ¾ of the actual band members. “Where is Jake?” You asked, walking over to them standing by the door of the van. 

“He’ll be here, you know how he is.” Josh said, not looking up from his phone. You glanced at the time, with a sigh.

“We don’t have time for that, we’re leaving in 15 minutes. I have to get the crew home, they have other places to be.” You spat, aggravated. You stood for another minute or two, and decided to take matters into your own hands. 

“Fine. I will go get him myself.” you said, making your way back inside. Luckily, you hadn’t turned in the keycards to the front desk. 

You make the trek up to his room, suddenly feeling anxious again as you approach the door. ‘Just use a key next time so I don’t have to get out of bed’ running through your mind. 

Well, I need him to get out of bed. You pressed the key to the lock, hearing it release. You closed your eyes, and took a breath. You put just your face inside the door, trying not to look around. 

“Jake? Hey… We gotta go, it’s time.” You said softly. 

Silence. 

You peeked inside a little more, seeing his hair splayed out on the bed. Still asleep, of course. 

You decided to walk in a little further, closing the door softly behind you. He had his back to the door, laying on his side. His body was wrapped around two or three pillows and he was in nothing but his black boxers. Your chest tightened at the sight. It felt strange seeing him this way, asleep and completely vulnerable. 

“Jake…” You tried again. Dead asleep. 

You walked around the other side of the bed, still feeling like you were intruding, but also taking in the sight of him. You had always loved watching him sleep, his features even more relaxed than they usually were. His eyelids jumping back and forth while he dreamed, his lips parted slightly as he breathed. You wondered what he was dreaming about, secretly wishing it was you. 

You would admit that you were upset that he didn’t text you back last night, but it was late, and he had to have been completely drained. But still you held out hope.

You came around to face his front, seeing that he still had his phone in his hand. He fell asleep reading my text? Maybe he had seen it? As you grabbed it from his hand you placed it on the nightstand, but it was then that you really took in the state of his room. Clothes everywhere, and tons of empty bottles lying scattered across the bedside table and floor. As realization hit you, your mood shifted leaving you angry and confused. What is wrong with him?

“JACOB!” You yelled, finally feeling bold enough to shake him physically on the arm. “Wake up! We’ve got to go!” 

His eyes finally began to open as he woke up. When he saw that it was you waking him up, the smallest smile formed on his face, melting you into a puddle. 

He finally opened his eyes all the way, and stretched his muscles, straightening his legs down the length of the bed revealing more of him than you ever thought you’d see this morning. 

“Mmm” he groaned, his face stretching into a smile. “Hey.”

“Hey, I’m sorry to wake you, but we’re running really late. I need you to get downstairs and loaded up.” you say.

His eyes widen, and he searches for his phone. “Shit, I’m sorry. I must’ve slept through my alarm.” He said, rolling off the other side of the bed and walking into the bathroom.

“You probably didn’t even set one, seeing as how you killed the mini bar again last night, hmm?” You said with bitterness in your voice. 

He breathed a sigh of agitation, with himself or with you, you weren’t sure. 

You gave him a second of privacy in the bathroom, and he stumbled back out into the room, holding his head. 

“Hungover?” You asked, already knowing the answer. You could spot hungover Jake a mile away. Definitely. 

“A little I suppose.” He spoke quietly, suddenly looking defeated. 

“Jake, I know everything’s...not really…okay right now. You just went through a bad breakup and...nothing’s ideal but, you seem off, and it’s only the start of the tour. I don’t want to interject, but I...I really don’t like seeing you like this. We all need you to take care of yourself, you know? This thing doesn’t work without you.” You said, speaking in white lies, but needing something to get him to talk a little. After all, you didn’t get to last night. 

He scoffed, picking up various items and throwing them in his suitcase while you stood watching. “Look, I had every intention of talking to you last night. But by the time you texted, I had already drank way too much…I was halfway asleep, and I…I don’t know. It felt...” he trailed off.

You raised your eyebrows, waiting for the rest. 

He conceded, “I don’t really know it just felt like the wrong time. I was…” he stalled. 

“Just one word, Jake. That’s all I need.” You spoke quietly. 

He hesitated hard, until he finally spoke, “Scared, I guess? Nervous?” 

You were lost for words. Why was he scared to talk to me? Had we really fallen that far away from each other? 

Your eyes met his for a second and your heartbeat began to race. “I don’t know. We can…talk about it later? Can you…can you just help me throw some of this shit in my bag so we can get out of here?” He asked, still rushing around in slow motion. 

You snapped away from your thoughts. “Yeah, sure.” 

You began picking up various clothing items from the floor, and as you made your way around the bed, you spotted something that looked out of place. Is that? You picked up a woman’s shirt from the floor, holding it up to inspect it. Your gut sank. This is what Summer was wearing last night. 

“This yours?” You asked, dangling the shirt from your finger. 

He turned around to see you holding it up, and he immediately let his head fall back as he sighed. “Fuck.”

“Fuck is right.” You tossed the shirt onto the bed, and felt your head become fuzzy with rage. Was anything he just said true? “I guess I see why you were scared to come and talk to me last night.”

He slowly walks over to you, “No…Y/N, I swear it’s not what it-”

“It’s not what it looks like?” you say cutting him off.  “Seeing your photographer’s shirt on your floor? I think it’s exactly what it looks like, Jake.” You were spitting fire towards him. You decided you needed to get out of that room as quickly as you could. 

“I’m sorry I interrupted your night.” You said with your back turned to him. “We’re leaving here in five minutes, with or without you.” and with that, you slammed the door shut behind you. 

JAKE POV

Your heart was pounding out of your chest. Oh fuck, what did I do? Do I go after her? Do I let her go? What the fuck was I thinking?

You quickly shove everything into your suitcase, cursing yourself with every movement. God damnit I have fucked up. 

Looking around the room to make sure you had everything you really took in the mess. The entire trash can was filled with mini bottles and they were scattered across every open surface. Shit. Maybe she was right. I do need to get my life together. 

You won her heart once, you knew you could do it again, and that's exactly what you were going to do. You had to.

Quickly pulling on whatever clean clothes you could find you zipped your suitcase and were rushing out the door, and downstairs to the van. 

As you made your way to the door, Josh threw it open and jumped out, helping you load your suitcase into the back. 

“The fuck man?” he asks.

“Didn’t set an alarm. My mistake.” you answer.

“Well, all the good seats are taken, so you’re in the back with me now.” he says, closing the back door. 

You slide into the van, eyes searching for Y/N, and finding her next to Sam in the middle row. She doesn’t look at you, or even acknowledge your presence, but you deserve it. You can’t even imagine what she’s thinking. As you settle into your seat you close your eyes trying to process the events of the morning. How it felt waking up to see her face. How normal it felt to have her there. How everything quickly shattered as she realized how messed up you were. How it got even worse when she found Summer’s shirt.

You wished you could go back. You wished you never went to the bar last night. If you had just waited, this morning could have been completely different…

“Hey Jake?” you hear the sound of Summer’s voice echo through the van. You were so lost in your head you didn’t even notice she was up front. Your heart sinks as you wait to hear what she has to say. 

You flick your eyes up to meet hers, raising your eyebrow. 

“Thanks for letting me borrow this last night.” she says, pulling the folded shirt from her bag. You practically stop breathing as you watch her hand it to Y/N. “Can you pass this back there?” she asks her. 

She hesitates as she grabs the shirt, turning back to you in what felt like slow motion.

Your eyes met hers, pleading with her as she spoke, “From Summer.”

Your arms don't even move to grab it as you stare at her. The thoughts in your brain are moving a mile a minute and you can't seem to catch even one. 

Josh grabs the shirt for you, throwing it into your lap. “Thanks.” he says, as Y/N turns back around, leaning her head on the van window. 

Could things get any fucking worse? Why the fuck did she have to do that? Why couldn’t she just give it to me later?

God. Y/N…Her face…she probably thinks we–

Fuck, I have to text her.

You quickly pull your phone from your pocket, bringing up her name, and opening the thread. Shock pulsing through your body as you look at the message you typed out last night, as it waited to be sent.

I never hit send. Oh she fucking hates me… I will never be able to explain this to her now.

You look up into the rearview mirror hoping to catch her eyes, but all you see is her staring blankly out of the window. You can tell she is in her head.

You 8:27am: It looks bad. I know it looks so bad. I can explain everything. All of it. Can we please talk when we get back?

You look back up watching her in the mirror as she glances down at her phone reading the message. You see the little crease in her eyebrows as she reads. The pain setting into her features. She sets her phone down and turns back to the window. 

Fuck.

You: 8:28am: Please don’t shut me out again. 

Your phone buzzes in your lap and you eagerly grab it hoping to see her name, but it's not her. It’s Josh.

Josh 8:29am: What the fuck did you do Jake?

You turned to look at him shaking your head as you replied. 

You 8:30am: Made the biggest mistake of my life.

Josh 8:30am: Did you fuck her?

You 8:31am: Fuck no. Of course not. It just looks like it. Y/N wont answer me. I don’t know what to do.

Josh 8:32am: For once I don’t know what to tell you.

You 8:32am: Do you think I blew it?

You watch him type, before quickly deleting it. He locks his phone and places it on his knee, sending you a sympathetic look. You knew what he was going to say. You could practically hear it in your own head. 

You reopen your thread with her, looking at your messages, marked as read. At least she is reading them. Taking a moment you collect your thoughts the best you can, giving it one last shot. 

You 8:40am: I get it. I wouldn’t answer me either. But I want you to know that I fell asleep last night alone, thinking about you. Trying to text you back. I typed it over and over, but I couldn't get it right.  I swear I’ve fallen asleep thinking about you every single night for the past 4 years, Y/N. Please, just give me a chance to explain.

You hit send delivering the message, and watching her in the rearview to see if she would read it. Lifting her head from the window you watch as her eyes look down, reading the message. You see her expression drop yet again, and her hand come up to her face trying to discreetly wipe away the tear slipping from her lash line. But you saw it. Even worse, you caused it.

You’re sure you felt your heart crack wide open at the sight. It was a pain you’d felt before. Similar to the day she left. A pain you swore you’d never let yourself feel again. But here you were, watching her in the rearview, begging for a chance to be hurt again. You’d rather be hurt by her, than not at all.

You could feel your own eyes welling with tears, and just as you were about to look away, her eyes met yours, bloodshot and full of tears. It was as if your world had momentarily stopped turning. You both sat there, eyes locked on each other, with not a word uttered between the two of you. Pure silence. The deafening kind. 

You didn’t have to say anything. You both knew how this ended.

.

.

.

.

.

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Chapter 11

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