Hi 🌸
🤲✅️🤭
🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?
I feel like I've shared snippets from most of my WIPs already but here's one from the chapter I'm currently trying to edit, which is chapter 6 of A New Dawn (Begins With Us):
"Just drop it, kid."
A furrow appeared between Sa Wol's brows, his despair giving way to a scowl.
"Don't call me that."
Even if 5-8 knew it would be mean to insist, he could tell that he had to create more distance between them. Sa Wol wasn't likely to let go unless 5-8 pushed him away. Not to mention that 5-8 would much rather face Sa Wol's anger than that heartbreaking vulnerability.
"That's what you are," 5-8 replied, as if it should have been obvious.
Sa Wol clenched his hands, his jaw tight, but, to 5-8's surprise, he didn't reply. Then again, maybe Sa Wol had realized that protesting would only make him seem more childish.
Seconds ticked by and once 5-8 decided that Sa Wol wasn't going to respond, he moved to push past him.
5-8 couldn't say if Sa Wol had been waiting for that exact thing or if he'd simply decided he wasn't going to let 5-8 brush him off that easily. Either way, Sa Wol's hand shot out, his fingers curling around 5-8's collar. Reflexes took over, 5-8 falling back on instincts he wouldn't have been able to hold back even if he'd tried.
He dropped his mask and grabbed Sa Wol's wrist, giving it a twist — swift enough to make those grasping fingers slip — before his right hand closed around Sa Wol's throat, slamming him up against the wall.
What 5-8 wasn't prepared for was the sharp tug on his collar, noticing Sa Wol's other hand closing around it a split second too late to stop it. 5-8 was pulled forward, having just enough time to let go of Sa Wol's wrist in favor of trying to stop his momentum. The sound of his palm hitting the wall echoed through the house, but 5-8 barely heard it.
He was too focused on the fact that Sa Wol's face was suddenly less than a couple of centimeters away from his own.
Everything stilled.
The explosive burst of movement left an almost deafening silence behind, 5-8 staring down at Sa Wol, heart in his throat. He could feel a trickle of horrified guilt — for having reacted with such violence toward someone he cared about and wanted to protect — but, at the same time, he could tell that Sa Wol wasn't at all frightened by what had just happened.
He was glaring up at 5-8, gaze hard, his fingers tightening around 5-8's collar — as if to make sure he wouldn't pull away again. The stubbornness and lack of surprise in his expression made 5-8 realize that, most likely, Sa Wol had grabbed 5-8 on purpose, knowing full well what would happen if he did.
They had ended up exactly where Sa Wol wanted them to.
✅ What’s something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don’t mean to?
... angst?
I mean, there are certain phrases and themes that I also keep reusing without meaning to, but the biggest is honestly angst. I'm a fluff writer at heart but I'm also really fond of writing long and complex stories with in-depth character development and an unfortunate side effect of that is angst. Because some growth only seems to happen through suffering. I am very displeased.
Oh! Wait! I thought of another one: neck kinks.
Why do so many of the characters in my recent fics have neck kinks? Like, at this point I have to wonder if I have a neck kink? But I don't think so? They just seem to occur naturally without me even trying.
It's honestly baffling.
🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?
Honestly no. Is that a thing? x'D
I add the tags that are appropriate and, lately, ones I think are funny because I like to pretend I'm a comedian. I have ones I use more frequently because many of my fics contain similar themes, but not ones I prefer over others.
I think the closest I might come to a "favourite tag" is "Maybe he's born with it maybe it's gaslighting." But that, again, is because I like to think I'm funny and I felt really clever for coming up with it xD I've used it both for my Devil Judge fics and my Strangers From Hell Zombie AU.
Thank you so much for the ask! :D
Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask
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absolutely losing my mind because of these two!!!
so.
are these two actually toxic, or are they just kids who don't know how to communicate? easy, they're just kids! (this was fast)
reading the manga will not make you understand that (or im just stupid), and this is why I'm thanking the author on.my.knees for the spin-off!
so.
after watching the anime I fled to ao3, of course. read some works about Rin and Isagi, managed to not spoil myself anything.
then i read the U20 arc. after reading every ryusae I could find (writing one myself rn, doing god's work) I finished to read the manga cause, yk, I wanted to know what would happen with my babies and then boom! Reo and Nagi!!!
I didn't particularly care about them at first: Nagi was strong ofc, but kind of boring? he's not my favourite archetype, and while I loved Reo I hated their fight and wanted nothing to do with them. key word(s), at first.
then, then! I randomly read some fics about them cause they'd started to grow on me, and boom, tons of fics about their breakup/makeup. stunning works, ofc, but I started to see so many "Reo's fault" "Nagi's fault" "toxic relationship" that I kind of started to get uncomfortable (sometimes people throw around the word toxic when it's nothing like that), so what's to do? read the spin off ofc.
that I did, and now not only I love them both with all of my heart, but I'm Reo's number one fan (and kinnie)!
and I developed a deep hatred for those "toxic x" theories and takes. SO. let me blabber and rant.
they love each other so much!!
this is Nagi.
he thinks "damn, soccer/football is a pain, I hate sweating and running, but I don't hate Reo" even though most of the time he spends with Reo is spent playing soccer/football (I won't choose one english is so confusing- in italian it's literally called kick).
he doesn't feel forced to be Reo's friend, he likes it.
because Reo loves him, it's as simple as that.
he wants to be Nagi's friend "despite" Nagi's personality: this is something he currently says through the spin-off, which made me cry- Reo truly is the first person who ever accepted Nagi as someone who is lazy and unmotivated, who complains a lot, who doesn't put any effort in what he does, who doesn't offer much.
Or at least he thinks that he doesn't have anything special to offer, until Reo arrives.
he still has those terribly self-deprecating thoughts, but now he has something to offer, his talent.
(and after a period of happiness, their honeymoon phase one could call it, he starts to doubt the sincerity of Reo's care. from thinking "i'm not his slave, i'm his partner" he starts to doubt Reo's honesty: "maybe he only wanted to be my friend because of my talent, a talent he knows how to use"- since he still thinks that he's got nothing to offer! but we will talk about this later.)
this is Reo!
he thinks "I wanted to be the one who could make you love soccer/football, the one able to light up something in you" but he also thinks "seeing you like that, even if it wasn't me who'd done that, made me happy".
he's so jealous he's almost funny, and isn't that the most teenager thing ever?
who wouldn't be jealous after working so hard to be special to someone, just for someone else to take the place you're working so hard for?
it's terrible, but still, it doesn't stop Reo from being happy that Nagi found something exciting.
something that made Nagi as happy as the combo Nagi-soccer/football made Reo happy.
the thing is, Nagi thinks he's Reo's friend because of his talent, which maybe it's true. maybe, hadn't Nagi been a genius, they wouldn't have become friends, but his talent was the sparkle that made him become Reo's treasure.
Reo is someone who has everything, who gets everything he wants, or as he says everything except what he really wants.
for that, he has to work.
so, what he wants is to play soccer/football, and to play it with Nagi.
(in order to be Nagi's friend, he needs to work hard, because he needs to be honest and gain Nagi's trust- this is how friendship works: even when it seems flawless and easy, there's so much work behind it, and knowing it is important. most of the times we only realise it once we lost that bond- for example, Nagi. Reo already knew it, and this is why he tried so hard to not leave Nagi's side)
at one point, the two things became linked to one another, and his dream turns into "winning with Nagi, my partner". Because Nagi is talented, is special, and Reo saw his talent, and how Nagi was unable to do the same. He wants to show Nagi that soccer/football is fun, that his talent isn't a pain, that he is special, because Nagi doesn't know it, and for Reo a star that doesn't see his its own light? is just preposterous.
He cares for Nagi and loves everything about him, even all the "bad" things, and he doesn't think that Nagi has to change, and this is what, for me, makes their break-up way more serious and relatable for a lot of people.
it triggers a "I'll change to be better" "for me you never had to change" "I need to change for myself" dynamic.
2. changing and longing is way more fun when you're doing it together!!!
so they split up.
Nagi doesn't do it because he likes Isagi more, or because his style of play is more interesting, he does it because Isagi was stronger than Nagi and Reo: entering Blue Lock, Nagi had trust in Reo's ability to use his talent to win, he didn't even think about failing, and while Barou came close to making him feel like he could loose, Nagi overpowered him at the end- but then Isagi beats Nagi, and Reo with him.
Nagi understands that Reo's dream can't become reality if they aren't the strongest, and if being together doesn't work, maybe they should split up, part ways, become stronger and then join forces again, and win everything. win the world cup.
while his friendship with Isagi is sweet and I love them, for Nagi Isagi is like a cyclette.
he'll use the cyclette to get get fit and make his bf swoon over his legs, he won't stay with the cyclette once he doesn't need the training anymore. and even if he will, it will always be just the cyclette he uses to get fit "for" his bf.
(metaphor isn't metaphoring)
Reo doesn't know that.
he knows he's strong, but he knows that Isagi and Nagi are on a whole other level and he feels threatened. he fears that Nagi will choose Isagi instead of him, and he tries desperately to not loose Nagi.
Nagi is his dream. Slowly, day after day, Nagi became part of his dream, and now he's losing not only his best friend but the dream that made him free.
Reo says it himself- he knows that Nagi did the smartest thing by leaving, but he's young and scared and sees it as Nagi leaving him.
He feels abandoned, and he thinks that Nagi is abandoning his dream to go with the bigger fish, the apex predator, in order to become the best striker, by forgetting the promises they made at the start of Blue Lock, to stay together til the end.
Neither of them forgets the other.
Nagi leaves, and all he thinks about it "I need Reo to see this" "I can't wait to let him see how much I've improved", and he misses Reo, just as much as Reo misses him.
the only difference?
Reo is oblivious about Nagi's real feelings and thought process, and his thinking of Nagi turns into spiraling into depression and self-hatred.
so Nagi changes.
he starts to see the beauty in soccer/football, he finally sees what Reo had tried to make him see for months, and he's thrilled. he's having fun. he's grateful that Reo convinced him to not discard Blue Lock immediately. he's different.
different why? because Isagi beat him? because Blue Lock happened?
he changed not when Isagi beat them, but the moment he became Reo's friend, and found a reason to do something.
because Reo was the first person to ever tell him that his laziness, boredom, his oh so troublesome antics were alright, that he was what he was, and he was enough not only for Reo, but for the whole world.
Reo accepted him even when he was set on being static, made him want to change, and now that he's changing he feels worthy of being loved so much.
"you saw something in me back then, you forced to me work hard, and now thanks to you I ('m on my way to) realised my own worth, now I found something exciting"
he changes.
Reo sees him after what, a few days, and he's already improved so much.
and he thinks that he was Nagi's cage, his personal dead weight, that Nagi may have been his treasure but he wasn't Nagi's. that Nagi doesn't need him anymore. if Nagi doesn't need him, what will be of his dream?
(we could start a long-ass post ab mental health and recovering but I won't for my own sanity)
what's his worth then, since he got into Blue Lock just to stay with Nagi till the end- especially when he can't even be number two, with Isagi there- and Nagi won't be with him anymore?
he needs to change too.
3. destroying yourself in order to change (no fun)
Reo says that he isn't brave enough to destroy himself like the others do.
Isagi, Barou, Nagi, Chigiri, they all destroy themselves in order to become stronger and change, evolve, but Reo can't. he's scared, he's confused, the whole arc is just him looking like that. then what does he do?
he lets Nagi destroy him. "If I can't do it, Nagi will" don't you understand you're doing exactly what you say you're unable to do? the fact that you're not the one pulling the trigger doesn't mean that you're not killing yourself
he pushes Nagi until he snaps and tells Reo to fuck off, that he's a pain, that he's weak and someone Nagi doesn't want anything to do with, because that's what Reo thinks.
He thinks Nagi doesn't want to be with him anymore, he's feeling guilty for what he thought (later later), he's insecure- and instead of being reasonable, he founds a way to confirm his "irrational" fears.
"I'm not being insecure since Nagi confirmed it"
he sabotages himself. that's the nail in the coffin.
instead of destroying himself with football/soccer, by learning from a lost match, he destroys himself with life, by putting on the line his relationship with the person he (not exaggerating) loves most in the world.
he's unable to distinguish life from soccer/football (and this will be the aspect that makes him so different from most of the other characters), because since meeting Nagi they've become one thing. soccer/football is his life, Nagi is his life, because they're his only chance at being happy.
(Nagi is able to distinguish between the court and Reo: this way, Reo is just as special as Isagi is, since Isagi may have made him see the fun in soccer/football, but Reo made him get angry. Nagi who thinks that his strong quality is the fact he never gets angry, that he's a pacifist. Isagi is his soccer/football revolution, Reo is his life revolution.
Reo can't. they all insult each other on the field, but they're all friends afterwards. not Reo. not yet)
now he's lost Nagi, and his dream, and he has to pick himself up from the ground.
this is how Reo changes.
4. miscommunication is a beast
As I said before, Nagi starts to think that Reo only cared about him because of his talent. he's angry at Reo. he doesn't understand why Reo said those things, why he was so stupid, why he didn't understand Nagi.
he says "I'm not his toy" and he isn't, but really, try to get into his shoes.
he thinks his partner, his best friend, doesn't believe in them as a duo anymore, doesn't want to believe in them like he used to now that Nagi has changed, now that he's more "independent" from Reo.
"what, now that I know how to fight alone, he doesn't want me anymore?" that would be anyone's first thought.
and he doubts Reo's trust in their dream.
when did Reo start to have so little faith in them, in Nagi? when did he give up on them? he thinks that, after spending weeks trying to improve just to make Reo's dream true.
and he's angry, but he still hopes to play with Reo again.
he still want to, because him and Reo are partners and Nagi still believes in their dream. because he remembers Reo's passion, and he believes in him.
+) 5. being relatable as fuck
(what kid with absent/abusive parents never thought back on their action and went anxiously all "Am I just like them?")
Reo begs Nagi to stop being so strong, stop improving so quickly, stop running towards a place Reo can't reach yet, and isn't this a human thing to do? He desperately wants to be with Nagi, and thinks that he'd rather stop him from improving rather than lose him. He thinks "Please, give up on your dream, your ego"- and isn't that familiar?
he just thought the same thing his father, a man he hates and despises and who doesn't believe in Reo, told him. and he said that to Nagi. Nagi who gave him a ticket to the top by being at his side, who let him see hope.
he panics. am I just like him? Am I cruel enough to wish for someone to give up on their dreams, just to get something out of their failure?
he's different from his father, because he's seventeen, he's scared to lose his best friend, and we can be irrational in situations like this one. does he know it? no, the same way he doesn't understand that Nagi didn't left because of him.
so yes, he's in the worst head-space ever.
isn't he relatable? this is what that made reo my favourite character in a second, probably. he's so human and he makes so many mistakes and he's so stupid sometimes, but I can see myself in him very clearly.
and now.
in what way is their relationship not balanced? their love and care not mutual? in what way one used or manipulated the other?
I think they're flawed, and they made mistakes, and they hurt each other, but I also think that we throw in the word "toxic" the moment a relationship isn't perfect.
they're friends and they're teens, they will make mistakes and they will hurt each other, and their friendship (and they were roommates) won't be perfect- this doesn't make it less genuine or beautiful.
don't get me started on what happens in the manga (really don't do it) (all of this was just nagi's spin off!!!)
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I cannot stop thinking about the poem that comes up if you enter "Stanley" repeatedly and then click on "how he defeated me" a bunch (written out fully with analysis under the cut). I've never been a big Bill fan, but you can bet your ass I'm obsessed with Stan Pines, and I can't believe I never fully thought through the parallels between them.
"Stanley Pines, the common clown,
Always dragged his family down.
One mistake, disowned, denied.
Only thing to do was hide.
One way out: the open road.
Reinvent, retry, reload.
A girdle, eyepatch, father's fez,
'I'm a new man!' so he says.
Couldn't outrun life's regrets,
Just kept placing bigger bets.
Changed his haircut, switched hotels-
Truth is just whatever sells.
When you've lost track of your lies,
When the poison starts to rise,
When the walls are closing in,
When it's clear you cannot win,
When your actions make it worse,
When they see you as a curse,
Give the wheel one last spin,
Take your chips and go all in,
And Lucky Stan- the roll's on black,
He got his life and family back.
His big break, it finally came,
Redemption from a life of shame.
You really think you won the day.
You packed your bags and sailed away.
You think you left the past behind.
But trust me
I'm still on your mind"
Combine this with some of the other things Bill says in the pages leading up to the poem, (calling him "Bootleg Sixer," ranting about how Stan is useless and only defeated Bill by following Ford's plan, etc), and it makes me wonder if Bill ever really believed in his own schemes.
Bill clearly values and respects Ford while deriding Stan, and yet many of the things he criticizes about Stan are also true about himself ("always dragged his family down," "one mistake," "reinvent, retry, reload," "just kept placing bigger bets," hell, "truth is just whatever sells" feels like a direct parallel to "reality is an illusion). In my mind, this implies that on some level he believes that people like him and Stan are destined for misery, but he convinced himself that he'd be satisfied with power and chaos, something that Stan gave up for his family.
Stan is someone who functions like Bill on a surface level while being fundamentally different in ways Bill can't even comprehend. To Bill, it's unfair that Stan "got his life and family back" while he is still alone in the universe, because he can't get his head around the fact that Stan is just a better person who worked to make up for his failures and earn his redemption in a way Bill never did. It wasn't just "his big break," Stan didn't win a bet or something. He spent thirty years committing himself to being the protector of his family and rescuing his brother from the exile he caused, and all that love and effort paid off in the end. He genuinely gave a fuck while remaining goofy and brash. Stan didn't need to become like Ford in order to be worthy, and so he works as an example of how people like them can thrive. It's proof that Bill's chaos isn't inherently inferior, it's Bill himself who couldn't hack it. He can respect Ford as an ally or an adversary, that logic might be able to triumph over chaos; but Bill cannot stand that Stanley was able to beat him at his own game.
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