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sirfrogsworth · 1 year ago

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Froggie's (Almost) Very Productive Day

I try to fit as many out-and-about chores as possible into a single day so I only have one set of post-exertional malaise consequences instead of consequences after each day of doing a thing. So any time I decide to drive, I try to find several tasks to accomplish all at once.

My first stop was the Family Services Division in the hopes of getting some help with grocery bills. I am making ends meet, but it seems to be getting harder each month. And maybe I could have skipped my trip to Florida and saved that money, but if I don't do something drastic for my mental health, I fear this first holiday season without a parent could send me into the darkness.

I needed to do an interview to finish applying for SNAP. I wanted to do a phone interview, but the next appointment was in January. So I went to social services where they allow walk-in appointments. I waited in a tiny plastic chair for several hours until they called my name. She yelled out "Benjamin" because when most people see "Grelle" they aren't really sure how to say it. (Rhymes with belly.)

She started my interview and it was going swimmingly at first. But then she started asking questions about the house and my inheritance and my trust. I had no idea what to tell her. It feels like a mistake now, but I have had pretty much no involvement in that process. I have no idea how it works. And I started to panic because she was acting like I was committing fraud or something by not mentioning the trust. But the entire point of the trust was to protect my benefits. Nothing is mine. I own nothing. I have no access. But I had no idea how to explain that.

Maybe my lawyer can help me apply, but I did not want them investigating everything and screwing things up before we even have the estate through probate. We specifically hired a lawyer and went through this convoluted process to make sure everything was on the up and up. But she really made me feel like I was doing something wrong. And that made me panic, which probably made me look even more guilty of something. So I just canceled everything and left.

After a few hours in a crowded government office, I decided to head to a different crowded government office.

I know I didn't need it until 2025, but I decided to go ahead and get my Real ID thingie before my first flight. I was kind of hoping they'd retake my picture because my current driver's license is... well...

And I'm so glad they took my big terrible picture and made it into a smaller, more terrible picture.

People complain about the DMV, but the one near me runs like a machine. It was filled with people and I still only had a 10 minute wait time.

I'm starting to wonder if all of those 80s comedians who were all, "What's the deal with the DMV?" were exaggerating.

Good stuff, Jerry.

I head up to the counter and ask for a Real ID. She asks for two pieces of mail and my birth certificate.

And this disappointed me a little bit.

I did my research. I went to the Real ID website and used their interactive guide to figure out exactly which documents I would need. They gave me this entire checklist and I printed it out and went through all my records and mail trying to find everything.

I had to wait a week for my internet bill to come because it's the only thing I forgot to change to paperless. This took a lot of effort and I was ready to be validated for being so prepared.

And she asks for two pieces of mail.

Any mail.

So I was off to get new tires.

Driving around on 8 year old bald tires was giving me anxiety. I didn't have the money for new tires, but I remember the guy saying they had financing. Recently several of my past debts went past the statute of limitations, and so my credit score lifted itself out of the pits of "poor" and into the realm of "fair." So I decided to take a chance and apply for a Discount Tire credit card. It's a 6 month payment plan with no interest, so that didn't feel as predatory as all the credit card offers I get in the mail with 8000% interest.

We started going through the approval process and I was answering all of the questions and then I saw the name of the bank offering the credit. It was the same bank that tried to sue me and also the bank that can longer collect due to the statute. I was worried they put me on some sort of list and would deny me. But, to my surprise, they approved me instantly. And wouldn't you know it, they gave me almost exactly the amount needed for a new set of tires.

I'm hoping we'll be doing another auction of the house stuff soon, so I plan to pay off the card and then cancel it, but this was the only solution I could come up with to drive safely until then.

I was having a weird day where photos of crusty rich wide dudes followed me everywhere I went. Here is my good ol' boy governor at the entrance to social services.

And at the tire place, I noticed this fella...

Why does every rich CEO think they are a font of wisdom capable of creating compelling quotes?

Does he think no one has ever said "work hard" and "have fun"? And after he said this was he like...

"That's gold, put that in *every* store."

"Oh, and use that picture of me where it looks like a handsome gal just grabbed my undercarriage."

He probably thinks, "Well, no one has put these specific generic platitudes together into a single mega-platitude. I am a genius."

"Be honest, work hard, have fun, be grateful, pay it forward" sounds like he had a bunch of motivational posters on his wall and started reading them all at once.

Like, every line could have a picture of an eagle above it.

In any case, the guy at the tire store, Dakota, was really nice. He made the experience very low anxiety. And he really liked my Thor's Hammer keychain with built in fidget spinner.

He went around showing it to all his coworkers. "Look, it even spins!" And they were like, "Dude, where did you get that??" And I was like, "Amazon." Now I'm just imagining 10 dudes at a tire store all fidgeting their hammers.

As nice as he was, Dakota was still a salesman and had a job to do. He gave me two tire options and tried to upsell me. The cheapest tires had a "1" rating for winter. He said they get "super hard" in the cold... I tried not to giggle. But I explained I drive about twice a month and mostly to the grocery store. If it is a bad winter day, I'll just wait or get delivery. He understood and set me up with the cheaper tires.

He then checked out my car and noticed my tire pressure sensors were dying. I keep getting a warning light on my dash. Apparently they all have tiny batteries in them that die after 7 years. And you can't just replace the batteries so you have to install brand new sensors.

And this is where my social anxiety got me into trouble.

I don't actually need these sensors. They are usually inaccurate. I prefer to test my tires with an actual gauge. But I got so caught up in his sales pitch that I agreed to replace them... at $60 each. For that I could have gotten the fancier tires. I really don't care if an orange light shows up on my dash. And I looked up the price online and a pack of 4 is $30. Though that is without installation.

But still... I wasn't thinking and he was so nice that I was just like, "I want to please Dakota. Saying no might make Dakota sad." Dakota's job is selling me but that doesn't mean I have to buy anything. He would live if I had said "no thanks."

To make my blunder more blunderous, when they finished the tires he asked for my key fob. And it decided that was the time for the battery to die. And in order to reset the system for the new tire pressure sensors, you have to press two buttons on the fob for 7 seconds. Thankfully I had a spare fob at home, but if I want my fancy new $240 sensors to work, I have to return to Dakota and have him initialize them.

I really hope these are the Cadillac of sensors.

Or, like, the ones they use on Cadillacs?

They better be accurate, is what I'm saying.

I do feel safer with new tires. So I am glad I did that. And I gave them a good obligatory kick and felt the tread. They seem nice enough even if they get boners in the winter. It's crazy how bald my other tires were in comparison. Like, I can fit half my finger down into the tread on the new ones—which did not get them super hard.

The way I drive, I probably won't wear them down. They'll probably start to rot before I do.

Before I do, meaning before I wear them down.

Not before I rot.

I am not in a rotting competition with my tires.

I was then off to Sam's. I decided all of my hard work accomplishing 2 out of 3 goals deserved some sushi. So I grabbed some California Rolls and headed home. On my way out, a Hummer and a Porsche nearly collided in the parking lot. And they sort of got stuck facing each other. One of them needed to back up and they both signaled at each other like "You back up, I'm not backing up." And it was just this weird standoff between the two douchiest looking cars you could imagine.

I mean, you have to be a douche to drive a Hummer.

I still remember the mystery Hummer dialysis patient from when my dad was going 3 time per week. We could never figure out who owned the Hummer, but we knew it was not the underpaid nurses and techs. So it had to be one of the patients. And none of them seemed the type. We never solved that mystery.

That hummer started off a delightful safety yellow. (Elon would cry.)

They decided this wasn't extra enough... so they did this...

Katrina and I could never decide... are these cow spots or the world's least effective camoflauge?

There was another patient who drove this old beater...

And I loved seeing this car because we had the same one when I was a little kid. I'm afraid the aesthetics of the 1980s Caprice Classic did not stand the test of time, but it had great sentimental appeal for me.

But this maroon beast that squeaked and sputtered its way from here to there belonged to a very sweet older gentleman. Sometimes he and my dad would be dialysis buddies—sitting next to each other in the recliners. And the worst thing about dialysis was the boredom. All you have to do is watch broadcast TV with 4 channels.

All of the TVs require headphones. They give you your own set of super cheap headphones in the dialysis welcome bag. They were very uncomfortable so I ordered my dad better ones with cushioned ear cups.

His dialysis buddy noticed them and thought they looked nice. And then he revealed that his free headphones broke and he didn't know how to get new ones. He had been watching TV with no sound for weeks. So, I bought another pair with the soft ear cups and my dad gave them to his friend. And it just made me happy imagining the two of them watching The Price is Right in matching headphones.

I do have to make fun of this sweet old man a little bit. When I walked passed his car I noticed he implemented the world's most effective anti-theft device ever created.

That's right... The Club™.

If someone decides they have to have a 40 year old car with an engine that sounds like a dying hyena and a hubcap missing... they are out of luck.

But hey, you gotta protect what is important to you. And if I needed a getaway car and my choices were between his beater and the Cow Hummer, I'd take his ride for sure.

Well, I'd try... and then get arrested because The Club™ is undefeatable.

Do NOT look that up on YouTube. It's 100% true. (And the Lock Picking Lawyer doesn't count due to him being able to break into Fort Knox with a paperclip and then doing it again to make sure it isn't a fluke.)

The dialysis center is in the same complex as my local Tolerable Schnucks and I still see that maroon boat of a car every once in a while. I always smile whenever it is there because it lets me know he is hanging in there and hopefully still has sound for his TV.

Wow, I went off on a mega-tangent.

I didn't even finish talking about my day. Where was I? Oh, the douche standoff finally ended. The Porsche Douche capitulated and backed up. Probably due to the fact the Hummer Douche has 0 visibility behind him.

When I got home I started devouring my sushi. I finally heard back from my lawyer. He submitted the last of the evidence for my appeal. And I was finally able to confirm he got the records of my ECT treatments from 20 years ago. I worked so hard to get those. At first, they forgot to send all records before 2011. I had to call back and figure that out. They shipped them and they didn't arrive until a week before we had to file. Everything was so last minute and my anxiety has been... palpable. It felt like when I did my science fair project on Sunday night.

He's hoping to get a decision at the beginning of next year. He warned me that these appeals are usually rejected. And that the most effective method of approval was a hearing in front of an administrative law judge. But that could be delayed by up to a year. So I might need to figure out how to survive until 2025. As long as my brother does what he is legally required to do, I should be okay. But counting on that also gives me palpable anxiety.

And that was my day.

Every time I go out is always an adventure.

But remember...

BE NICE. EAT YOUR VEGGIES. PET CUTE DOGS. DREAM BIG. KEEP YOUR TIRES WARM... FOR REASONS. 5 LIFE LESSONS -Froggie, Mildly Famous Internet Person

#long post

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gracegrove · 2 years ago

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Harringrove 90s au/Frasier crossover

Tw for: implied panic attack, implied depression, mental health themes, implied dark-ish/teensy bit angsty, era-appropriate sexuality stereotyping

It's 1994 and Steve is a mover and shaker in the hot, hot, hot real estate market of the Seattle metropolitan area. Finding a slump in his mood and a slow in his lunch hour between daily showings, Steve begins calling in to a popular local radio show on KACL for an emotional pick-me-up with radio personality and psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane.

At first Steve is just a passive listener, but after hearing first hand during his lengthy commutes, how this soothsaying guru can calm and put the pep back in his caller's days Steve gives him a call.

"I dunno Doc, I just don't have that spark anymore..." He sighs into his cellular phone from the driver's seat of his year-model Buick. "Y'know what I mean? Like, it felt like everything was in my grasp and now it's just..." He grumbled in frustration.

The psychiatrist chuckled warmly through the phone line, "well Steve, a lot can change a man over time. When would you say you last felt that spark?"

Steve looked out the car window, caramel eyes reflecting upon the Puget Sound but his mind seeing the soft rolling hills and shallow valleys of central Indiana. Thoughts settling over gentle golden curls waving in the breeze.

"Steve? Are you still with us?" The radio host coaxed.

Steve opened his eyes, the vision fading from view. "Yeah. I'm here..."

Steve progressively becomes a regular call-in. Sharing more overtime about how he left behind 'a special someone' and how he regrets and second guesses so much about his life because of it. Thinking "if only I'd stayed. If only I'd told them how much they really meant to me". Feeling that his life really doesn't amount to much because of the decisions he made, or didn't... in the past. The radio host's producer, Roz, begins an unofficial fan club for Steve. Cheering him on, and giving him small pep talks each time he is in the call queue to talk with Dr. Crane. "Hey kid, how's it going today? How'd that date go? She sounded real nice! Things'll look up!"

Approximately a year later, Billy moves to Seattle picking up a transfer from his employer, hoping that working for the company's flagship will help him climb the pay scale faster. And leave the local union politicking and small-town, big-ego dickwads in his rearview mirror.

Things have improved somewhat for Billy over the years but it's still not great, and he seeks the services of a local psychiatrist, Dr. Niles Crane. Billy works with Dr. Crane to unpack and explore how his past experiences may have influenced his "current level of functioning", or so Dr. Crane says. They do a lot of daydreaming, picturing, and hypothetical scenarios that Billy sometimes despises and other times finds amusing. He also finds Dr. Crane's neurotic disposition rather endearing and thus decides to remain a loyal patient for the time being.

Cut to Billy's third month living in Seattle when it happens. He suffers a major setback. Calling Dr. Crane's emergency number in a panic. He can't breathe, he's hyperventilating and speaking so frantically that Dr. Crane can hardly understand him.

"Billy, you sound so terribly upset. I know that we discussed rather hefty themes in session this week. What's going on?" Dr. Crane's chittery voice spoke, encompassing the gravity of the moment.

"Him..." Billy gulped down air, his throat dry and lungs burning. "I saw him today. He was never supposed to be here." Billy moaned in distress.

"Take a breath Billy, and one, two, three, four, five. Out." His psychiatrist prompted him. "This is highly unusual indeed. I can understand now why you are so concerned." The sound of papers rustled on the other end of the phone. "Billy, would you like to come in sooner?"

A shaken exhale, "Yes."

Meanwhile somewhere else in Seattle Steve is the brightest he's been in years. He practically feels like he could walk on air. He has to share this, so he calls in.

"Doc the most amazing thing has happened!" Steve is beaming ear to ear. "Well, Steve it certainly sounds stupendous with that tone! Let's hear the good news!" His radio therapist encourages.

"I saw them!" Steve gushes. "Them! The special someone I told you about. They're here in Seattle. Now's my chance! I gotta tell them!" Dr. Crane smiles, "Ah, serendipity... Steve, you must take her while she is still yours."

Steve didn't quite understand the doctor's point but he appreciated the sentiment. "Thanks, Doc. Y'know I'm gonna look 'em up. Take them to a nice dinner. Make things right this time." Dr. Crane clapped his hands together, "Steve that's a lovely idea! And might I be so bold as to suggest that you consider taking your special someone to La Belle Gourmande? The ambiance is divine... and the prices aren't half bad either."

Two nights later Steve was sitting at the restaurant, nervously drumming his fingers on the table, his eyes flitting up every time a person walked by. He was tense, feeling suffocated in the crispest white button down he owned. Fidgeting with undoing the second button from the top and then redoing it. He couldn't afford to screw this up, the phone call had already been botched.

It took some effort, randomly dialing the number of a familiar name in the Seattle area, but luckily not many people had the same name as his 'special someone'. When their voice came over the line and Steve heard it for the first time in nearly a decade, he choked. Couldn't even utter a "hello". "Who's this? Fucking answer or I'm hanging up." In an all out rush Steve replied.

"-lo!'s Steve! youwannagetdinner ...'n catch up?" he rushed out in a frazzle.

The other end of the line was silent for a beat, the tension broken with a soft chuff.

"Ketchup?" the voice asked bemused, followed by another pause. "Where?"

Squinting at his messily scrawled note taped to the cabinet, Steve replied, "this place owned by some Belle lady. Comes highly recommended."

There was a pause. "Steve... this can't be -"

"Please come," Steve begged.

As Steve waits for his 'special someone' to show, a certain radio personality ducks into a corner booth and picks up a menu, Dr. Frasier Crane. He has become so invested in his caller's well-being that he has come to the restaurant to watch Steve from afar. To root for him, and watch his little bird spread its wings and fly. Or so it would seem.

"Frasier? What on earth are you doing here?" Dr. Crane looks up from his crooning over his 'patient', his eyes panic-stricken and caught. "Niles?" His brother, the younger Dr. Crane is also here.

Frasier's eyes dart to the menu for a saving excuse, "It's the soup du jour Niles," he deflects craftily, "everyone knows the Gourmande has the best Soupe au Pistou on the western seaboard." Niles rolls his eyes and follows Frasier's worried gaze over to the young man at a nearby table. "That may be true Frasier, but I believe you are here for more than just soup." Frasier sniffs indignantly about to snap out a reply when Niles hastily takes up the opposite seat in his booth and hides his face behind a menu.

Frasier cranks an eyebrow high and looks at his brother accusingly. "And pray tell what fare Provençal brought you to dine here?" he moons sarcastically. Niles peers over the edge of his menu at the other table, as a blonde man arrives. Frasier gasps dramatically and shields himself behind his menu as well.

"Mouchard!" Frasier hisses at his brother treacherously. Niles looks back at him unamused and replies, "says the snoop, snooping." They exchange glares and peek over their menus to watch the scene unfold.

Steve abruptly bumps the table, standing up quickly the minute he sees them. Him. The blonde. He can't help but smile, his chest is aching, fully flooded with a torrent of emotions.

"I don't understand," Frasier says in confusion, looking at Niles and then back over the menu. Niles looks over his menu, eyebrow cocked, "What?" "He talked as if... well... his 'special someone' was..." Frasier was fumbling uncomfortably with his words and reasoning. "You thought Billy was a woman?" Niles completed. Frasier winced, "Steve never said he loved a man. I just assumed..."

They both peered over again. "Assumptions get us nowhere Frasier. They leave us to speak for others in spaces we don't know. Only they know their truth." Frasier nodded slowly, the information sinking in. "Too right you are Niles. I was wrong to presume Steve's path to a whole self was like my own."

Billy sat down, followed by Steve, he seemed anxious, his eyes wandering all over the room, causing the two psychiatrists to duck and cower several times, lest they be discovered.

Steve called over a waiter and they ordered drinks. As the night began to unfold a certain ease settled over the pair like a familiar blanket, warm and comforting. Softly exchanged touches of hands, and lingering smiles arrived in greater frequency than the refillable bread basket, with feet sliding across one another under the tablecloth and resting calf-to-calf.

"Well Frasier, I think our worst fears have been allayed." Niles injected into the hour. "We weren't needed." Frasier smiled proudly, "I think you're right Niles. Would you care for un repas de fin de nuit?" Niles rose from the table, "Après-vous."

As the pair of brothers exited the restaurant Billy and Steve looked up, "Who do you think those guys were?" Steve asked curiously, "They were kinda loud. Seemed really interested in us..." Billy sighed, dropping his fork to his plate, "The twiggy one was my shrink. No fuckin clue who the other guy was though."

Steve looked at Billy mildly concerned, "You have a shrink?" Billy nodded wiping his mouth with the napkin. "Yeah, Dr. Crane." Steve watched the pair as they waited for the valet to bring their car. "The Dr. Crane that has the radio show?" Billy shook his head, "No that's his brother..."

Steve slumped in his seat taking a long drink from his glass, as Billy swiped the final bite of gateau.

#i got carried away (again)#this got long quick...#jess does harringrove mental health style #harringrove au #harringrove crossover #harringrove #billy x steve #my two favorite disaster straights helping #my two favorite boys #this was an entirely necessary and self indulgent piece #tw mental health themes #tw panic attack #tw mental health #i also recognize that your therapist would not follow you on a date #but frasier and niles would bc they are cringefail and overly involved

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lup-ines · 1 year ago

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One of the most irritating stereotypes that surround astrology for me is the belief that Saturn is a “bad” planet.

Astrology is meant to be a tool of self-reflection, it teaches us things about ourselves that we can’t recognize easily. I am a firm believer that difficult situations teach us the most about ourselves and can really help us align with our purpose in life. Saturn, notoriously known as the “bad” planet, is the key to this.

SATURN DELAYS BUT NEVER DENIES.

For those of you who are just getting started with astrology you should know that Saturn does not “doom” the area of your life where it sits natally, but it calls for you to take action and work hard to confront the issues that may arise in that area.

What most people don’t know is that Saturn never lets hard work go unrecognized. In fact, if you put in the work, Saturn gives wonderful gifts.

For example, last Saturday I had the pleasure of reading the charts of one of my clients who had Saturn in her 2nd house.

She grew up in a third world country in an extremely poor family. In her early years, her family dealt with poverty, homelessness thus creating a lot of issue around her self-worth and confidence. Luckily, she stayed strong through out it and worked her ass off despite the circumstances she was given.

At the present moment, she is now a million dollar real estate agent who sells luxury homes all over the world. Funnily enough, she told me after her Saturn Return (age 27-28) is when she really started to gain more confidence in her money making abilities and her own gifts.

This placement also indicate people who tend to make wealth during the second half of their life which definitely holds true. Her true wealth status wasn’t really fermented until she entered her mid-40’s.

The most common misconception about Saturn is that this is the area of life where you will experience the most misfortune when in reality, it is the area of life where a little more work has to be put in.

As a late degree pisces rising, I am currently going through my Saturn in the 12th transit untill 2026. It has been wild to say the least, but it has also inspired me to get more serious about my mental health and confront the shadow sides of myself that I have been repressing all these years (I have 5 Aquarius placements in my big six so naturally I am not the emotional type).

For those of you who feel anxious about Saturn placements/transits know that the best thing that you can do is work through it and not run from it.

Where does your Saturn sit in your chart?

Have you been putting in the work?

DO NOT FEAR SATURN AND LEARN TO WORK WITH IT!

#astrology #astrology notes #saturn #mine #my 100th post lool #astrologyramblings

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kesaluliloveyou · 8 days ago

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You made a blog for your ocs!!! How did I miss this!!

Please, if you can, tell me some fun facts about best girl Bria 💕✨✨

What are her hobbies? What does she do for self-care? What kind of books does she like to read? And anything else you can think of!

I did! And you’re my very first ask…I’m absolutely astounded, honestly, that I’ve gotten an ask or that people are checking out this self-indulgent sideblog of mine. Thank you so much for your interest in best girl Bria! I love writing about her; she definitely gets some favoritism from me so I loved answering this. I hope it’s interesting to you and others who aren’t me, but really, just thank you so, so much for giving me this excuse to rant about her!

Let’s start with the actual questions you posed. We’ll start with the hobbies that Bria has. Which really aren’t too many, to be honest. She has far less hobbies than she wants to have or would like to have. In one of Bria’s most toxic traits, she’s super hard on herself and pushes herself to be crazy productive. In her mind, she’s not worth a lot, as a person and as a Guardian, unless she’s always being ‘perfect’ and her idea of perfection is intrinsically tied to being productive. In her mind, she should always be doing something. She pushes herself really hard – she must be among the tops in grades in school. She must not only take care of her other Family members and the house they all share, but she must stay active and current on everything going on in their lives, in their varying hobbies and changing interests and such. When she’s not doing that, she feels she must be training and improving her skills. When she isn’t doing that, she feels she must be learning various subjects that will help the Family, along with learning the wider world of the Mafia.

It leaves her very little time for proper hobbies of her own. However, in the little bits of time she does find herself with in between everything else she does, she does somehow find times to have a couple things that she really loves and considers hobbies.

Bria is definitely one of those weird people who truly enjoy house-cleaning, for one. Other than just feeling like she should be responsible for it, she volunteers and takes over taking care of the house because it’s something she genuinely finds relaxing. House-hold cleaning and chores aren’t too mentally taxing, they’re monotonous, and that gives her overactive mind a break while also allowing her to have an outlet for the huge amount of nervous energy she normally contains. Her favourite chore is the dishes and her least favourite is cleaning the bathroom. Both Guiana, Raf, and Lara always leave it an absolute mess, with Lara’s makeup and skincare stuff always being all over the place, Guiana having a bad habit of just wiping her hair onto the shower wall when it sheds, and Raf leaving spit-out toothpaste in the sink.

Bria also has a really strong interest in not only interior décor but houses and architecture in general. This is expressed during her teen years in first redecorating and rearranging her own bedroom a dozen times over and then doing the same to the house Luca and the Guardians end up sharing. She’ll be the main one deciding how the place is decorated, though she does take the others opinions into consideration. She also checks a lot of real estate listings and I think one of her main guilty pleasures is going to open houses, even when she has no intentions of seriously buying property or anything. It’s surprisingly Tony who often accompanies Bria to these. In fact, later on, when they’re both adults, I see Bria and Tony, who actually shares her interest in architecture, restoring and selling at least one or two historical properties.

Bria also has a real soft spot for paint-by-numbers. She doesn’t really consider herself a good artist. When faced with a blank white canvas or a blank sheet of sketching paper, she has no idea what to create. She becomes overcome with fear about messing up or creating something that’s trash. With paint by numbers, she gets to feel like an artist, while not having to worry about messing up. She knows the picture she’ll create will look good because it has rules and guidelines already in place. She finds intense satisfaction in perfectly filling in each spot and gets excited for the finished product each time. A lot of the art in the places she’ll live are her finished paint-by-numbers and, other than books, these are the gifts that the other’s often think to give Bria.

I say other than books because Bria’s main hobby and her biggest love? It’s reading. She’s been a voracious reader since she was a child. She’s been reading since she was four, encouraged by Luca’s father who would sit and help her sound out words or would read to her and Luca. She was reading junior chapter books by the time she was seven and had progressed to actual novels by the time she was ten. She is a quick reader and, despite pushing herself and having so little time to herself, she aims to finish a book every month, though she does prefer months when she gets through more than just one book.

She’s not really finicky about what she reads. She’s willing to try most genres and styles, such as fiction, non-fiction, poetry and the like. She really loves non-fiction, especially biographies. When reading fiction, she’s a fantasy novel geek, likes some comic books, and is shonen manga trash, which she’s less shy about admitting. Her secret guilty pleasure for fiction though, and the one she tries to hide? She’s a huge fan of romance novels and shoujo manga. The one she ensures she hides? Her love of trashy erotica ala Harlequin novels, Fifty Shades of Grey, Billionaire Boys Club, etc.

As you can probably guess, Bria doesn’t really allow much self-care into her life. Her entire worth is really based around what she can do for others, often at the expense of her own needs, desires, and health. She wouldn’t even know where to really begin with self-care. To her, the term is really about things that she doesn’t have much interest in – bubble baths, skin-care routines, shopping days, and other stereotypical self-care clichés. It takes her a long time, honestly, to realize that self-care means so much more than that and really encompasses anything she feels like doing to relax.

Fun little facts – she paces whenever she gets angry.

She talks with her hands without even realizing she’s doing so.

She’s embarrassed to admit it, but she reads her horoscope and the horoscopes of her family members every day. She’s not entirely convinced of the validity of astrology, but she’s not convinced there’s absolutely no validity.

She goes to bed pretty early compared to some of the other members of the family, but has a hard time falling asleep. It normally takes her at least an hour or more to fall asleep.

#my ocs #khr ocs #accardi famiglia #bria di giore

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kisuminight · 5 months ago

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Right. So, c!Wilbur and Ghostbur.

The thing about c!Wilbur is that he's not trying to be the bad guy. He is deliberately trying to set himself up as a hero. And the way he does it makes him an asshole, and it's manipulative as hell--but I don't think that it's evil.

The thing about the Blade System AU c!Wilbur is that he grew up with Blades. He was raised by c!Philza the Aegis, with visits from c!Techno the Heartstealer. He gets the way the Blade System goes right--but also the way it can go very badly wrong. Blades are a lot more powerful than players--but the way their lives work means that Blades are always going to be the underclass.

So the first thing he does when he gets to the dsmp is to check and see if the local Blade in charge of the server will get upset with him. This check fails for several reasons--the server creator, Aegis!Dream, has been shattered, the server owner's Blade, Drista, is just in it for the chaos, and the Blade currently in charge of the server (as much as that applies) is c!Dream, who is hiding that he's a Blade.

That makes the server free real estate, yeah? So he creates L'Manberg; partially because he wants to, and partially because it'll fuck with Dream. And since there's no Blade in charge, he's fully within his rights to say that it is separate from the rest of the server. After all, if the Blades don't say it's not a factional server, then he's fully capable of making it one.

At this point, if c!Dream or c!Punz had come forward and said "I'm a Blade of this server and what you're doing is distressing, I don't want factions," then Wilbur would have listened. He's trying to build a narrative of being a good guy helping the underdogs, and the Blade System is something he is theoretically rebelling against. In fact, one of the subtle differences with this AU is that L'Manberg basically has rules about Blades built in--and those rules explicitly give them the right to be equal citizens. They say that anyone harming or killing a Blade, even if they are the Driver, would be treated the same way as permanently killing someone--a very real, serious murder charge. It even extends that justice towards the rest of the dsmp--which is one of the many overreaches that annoys Dream enough that it builds towards starting the war.

Which is all very well and good, but Dream and Punz don't trust that. In order for those rules to apply, they're have to out that they're Blades, and they really, really aren't going to do that. Purpled has also lived his entire life under this secrecy, so he's not going to tell (also it would require... talking to other people, and Purpled doesn't really do that). c!George is also not willing to tell--Dream is incredibly private about their Resonance and George understands that--also, Wilbur is annoying him.

Ironically enough, Wilbur would probably be the mostly likely to spot Dream and Punz out on being Blades--but Dream is basically stonewalling him as soon as L'Manberg starts, so Wilbur doesn't really get to see Dream's normal behaviors to get a good read. Punz is following Dream's lead in this. Wilbur also isn't looking to find them out as Blades; his suspicions about Dream are that he's some type of long-lived eldritch hybrid, and they only grow worse and more paranoid during the eventual Pogtopia breakdown.

Pogtopia goes pretty much the same. Wilbur does take the fact that c!Schlatt is able to go wild with Manberg as proof that there isn't really a Blade in charge of the server. At some point, post TNT and pre-detonation, Wilbur's mental state is unstable enough that he probably would consider killing a Blade to become their Driver (as per Dream's worst fears/nightmares) but it is only a possibility. I's say 50/50 will he-won't he, but it's never put to the test because the question never comes up--Wilbur dies never knowing about any of the Blades on the server.

Ghostbur is a thing, but the reason why he's a thing is different from canon. See, between Kristen being the Goddess of Death and Philza being a magic computer with a hologram body, Wilbur is not their biological son--so to extra powers from there.

The three lives system is a sign of the Egg's corruption--when Aegis!Dream and DreamXD created the server, they did so with an infinite lives system.

Ghosts are created because the Entity basically put a barricade up between life and death (this is limbo), so that it could steal the power from the souls that ended up there to help power it's Eldritch nature/abilities. Ghosts are echoes of the souls that end up in limbo. They are fragmentary and incomplete compared to the person that died because the Entity yoinked most of the soul. Unfortunately for Wilbur, the first L'Manberg War, plus the increased amount of Blades on the server woke up the Egg, and it re-instated the Entity's barricade shortly before the elections. It's eldritch nature meant it could retroactively apply the lives system to the L'Manberg War.

Theoretically, if the Egg is no longer using the soul, it can resurrect the soul in a body that is already corrupted by it. The Egg doesn't really do that in any major confrontation, because Wilbur is kind of stickly/bad at fighting, and is much more useful as a power source. It's better to keep his soul as a battery for an escape attempt rather than tossing another meat shield into the fray (when he's going to get shredded by the Blades going at it anyway).

I'm going to say that c!Vikkstar was the Blade and c!LazarBeam was the Driver, which means that technically the Egg has LazarBeam's soul too. But let's be real, if the Egg tries to revive LazarBeam to stop Techno and Phil, it's be like trying to stop a volcano with a piece of paper. So he also gets battery status.

The resurrection ritual left by Aegis!Dream and the Resurrection arte that Dream can use both cleanse the soul of the Egg's corruption.

Ghostbur ends of finding out who all the Blades on the server are, including Punz. Ghostbur finds out about Punz pre-Staged finale, and Punz ends of guilt-tripping Ghostbur into not telling anyone with the excuse that it'll make Punz really sad if other people know, and Punz might just go away forever. Ghostbur does not figure out that c!Purpled is Punz's Driver.

Ghostbur finds out about Dream being a Blade after the rest of the server does. Tommy tells him, after coming back from the Staged Finale. Ghostbur specifically ends up getting told because Tommy is talking at him as a way to try and verbally process the mess of feelings that happened when Tommy found out Dream was a Blade. It doesn't help.

Fast forward to post-Staged Finale. Ghostbur does not die, Wilbur does not get revived (yet). I'd argue that most of the reason Wilbur got revived when he did in canon was down to Dream's desperation about the situation--both the assassination attempt, and the ongoing, devolving situation in Pandora's Vault.

In this AU, Dream is not stuck in Pandora's Vault. He is with Punz, continuing their experiments on the far outskirts of the server. Ghostbur never really has a chance to find or interrupt them.

Furthermore, while Dream and Punz are going for an everbody-is-alive-and-immortal ending, that is very much Phase 2. They are still on Phase 1, fixing the Blade memory issue. The rest of the server are all quietly panicking in the Cold War where the main deterrent is that nobody knows where Dream's core crystal is/who has it. Reviving Wilbur into that kind of situation would be like tossing a bowling ball at a house of cards.

And even if Dream might be willing to risk it, Punz is also working on the Plan. And Punz doesn't like Wilbur. Doesn't like the way he upset Dream, doesn't like the way he started factionalism and governments on the server. Dream wants the server to be one big Happy Family? Sure. But Wilbur gets revived last, at the end, just before the reset. And since Punz is currently acting as Dream's Driver, that does influence Dream's behavior a bit as well.

I do think Wilbur would get revived eventually. During Dream's Syndicate Arc, he ends up spending a lot of time with c!Niki and Phil. Niki, who still wear's Wilbur's old coat and Phil who is still in mourning. Wilbur's revival would be after the rest of the plot/character arcs have been sorted out. Dream probably brings up the ability to Resurrect people as part of everyone sitting on Dream and Punz to make them explain The Plan.

#dsmp #dsmp au #c!wilbur #c!dream #DSMP Blade System AU #the problem with c!wilbur is that he's a super unreliable narrator about his motives #I think I'd sum him up as #okay-ish intentions manipulative execution #but he's trying to be the Good Guy #he's just not actually the Good Guy when you're coming at it from c!Dream's perspective

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rothjuje · 2 years ago

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I’m finally feeling back to my normal self and it’s so. nice. Around Thanksgiving my mental health took a nosedive. It started with a small existential crisis and then a bunch of small things snowballed (kids being sick since mid October, Justin traveling a lot, no Thanksgiving plans, my friend keeping me sane went back to work, Alyssa struggling behaviorally and academically, George struggling with public outings, anxiety flare up, and a bad period). Whew.

Anyway. Existential crisis is still alive and well, but it’s mostly situational. Our goal, for our entire 10 years together, has been to move to a desirable location. We have been working on relocating somewhere where we both can be happy and put down roots. And now we’re here, and I am deeply grateful for that, but also I am left without A Goal and it’s made me panicky.

I have so many small goals, but my story arc is gone. I think it’s the ADHD in me that is attracted to bright and shiny goals. It is challenging to emotionally invest myself into just regular life stuff. Adderall has helped me get regular life stuff done, but when they wear off the consuming panic of why does consciousness exist/why am I here/what should I be doing? sets in.

I’m hoping eating more vegetables and daily exercise and my sun therapy lamp will quiet it.

Anyway. Our 6 month (!!!) anniversary of moving to MA was Dec 19. I cannot believe we’ve been here for 6 months. Well, I can, it feels like a lifetime. Jan 15 will be 6 months at home in Georgetown.

We walked the property for the first time recently (yeah I don’t know why it took 5 months, but also couldn’t take twins to the top of the mountain with no trail so needed a babysitter) and discovered property that we thought was ours is not and property we thought wasn’t ours is. Which is very surprising after living here for almost half a year haha.

Apparently from the edge of our front lawn and all the way back to the top of the hill is two thirds of our 1.84 acres. We thought the hill went further up and that most of our land was unusable. But to the right there is a whole other part that we couldn’t even see before the leaves fell, and then we just assumed it was the neighbor’s. But it’s ours and it’s one third of our total land, which is a lot. And there are several flat spots! Lots of trees though. But definitely room for a fire pit and kids’ play area.

I’ve worked a lot with Alyssa recently, academically and behaviorally (she’s waitlisted for behavioral therapy) and she’s in a much better place and is able to complete assignments with minimal direction. She has a bit of a wild side, but I think it’s more ADHD related than from behavioral issues. We have a lot of similarities (very creative and perpetually bored) but my anxiety always kept my behavior in check. Alyssa is the opposite of a people pleaser, and I love her free spirit, but it makes cooperating in the classroom more of a challenge for her.

George is also in a better place with public outings. He got dragged on so many holiday errands and was a champ. I think if we don’t do errands for a while he’ll panic in public but if it’s regularly he knows what to expect and will actually scream less than Gen. But that’s no surprise, she’s still the feistiest three year old I know.

I need to go back to work. Or at least have the goal of going back to work to keep me sane. I’m going to pursue real estate for a year and if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. Classes here are only 40 hours and courses are currently on sale. I just need to jump.

What else? We’re getting an inexpensive treadmill as soon as we decide on if we’re doing the basement floors or not. I am going to run to the loudest music possible at 8 pm every night. I am going to DIY stairs to make the newfound property more easily accessible. Goats and bees are a go, but I’m not sure when. Chickens I’m still undecided for this year just because the amount of work (making and managing an incubator) and money (nice coops are pricey and wood is crazy expensive right now). So I do have some goals to keep me from going completely insane.

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tfseeds · 2 years ago

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Random TF brainworms

Other TF prompts that have been rattling around in my brain the past year(s), mostly franchise-based:

Slime Rancher 2 - With all the weird future/alien mystery science going on, it's prime free TF-estate. And c'mon, there is NO way Viktor Humphries wouldn't have a way to splice slime DNA for science. A cotton slime-ified Gaius would be so stinking cute.

Speaking of slimes, I was definitely on a slime kick -

Stardew Valley - Basically, story involving getting caught on the wrong end of the witch's temper while cave-delving, and getting a good old fashioned slow-burn curse transforming poor farmer Gaius into a slime. Also plays into my favorite trope of trying to keep the changes hidden - as patches of blue ooze-y spots form around his mid section, he tries to wrap them with cloth to keep it from saturating into his shirt. Plastic wrap is also attempted. Too much clothing is worn during the summer. Hats to cover hair that's more like a jello mold. Close friends who discover the secret using a wheelbarrow to haul the poor unconscious slime-guy home before he puddles all over the Halloween party. Figuring out how to maintain a solid enough form to wear clothes, use tools, etc.

BIG OL FFXIV SHADOWBRINGERS/ENDWALKER SPOILERS BEYOND HERE

FFXIV - Aaaaa there's so much I want to draw and design properly.

The whole light corruption/lightwarden arc of Shadowbringers was absolutely my jam, complete with soul-cracking strain and coughing up light gunk. I'm still not satisfied with my first take on Gaius's lightwarden form. The rough mental concepts: Large and bulky, like Zinogre from MHW. Maybe a semi-quadriped. Hooves on the rear feet. Wings for sure, white mane, gold horns. Blend bull and lion and other creatures.

The thing is I really want to bring a lasting physical representation of the corruption to Gaius's current form. I'm struggling with how to do that. Lots of other WoLs changed their hair white after the events of ShB, but that doesn't fit Gaius. I've been playing with the idea of a glowing scar of some sort, like markings on his neck or maybe chest that he keeps covered. I love using the bandana in his regular fashions and could be a fun way to tie it into his lore.

Throwing in my hella-old Zinogre doodles because I want to capture some of that mid-way feature goodness with Gaius's light corruption.

The whole journey of Shadowbringers is such prime real estate for transformation trauma - budding horns, patches of skin/fur bleaching out, those random soul-crunching episodes as a little more light escapes and furthers the process... All the while having to keep moving forward, despite the quest literally eating him. The other fun part with going sineater is the invisible changes, like a growing craving for aether, and losing the clarity of other senses like physical touch and taste. Gaius's character has always been a boisterous lover of food with a bottomless appetite. It's part of his love language - he makes sure his friends are well fed with snacks and home-made meals. This is something Minfilia/Ryne gets to experience intensely as he does his best to make sure the young girl is well nourished through their travels, and as a way to include her in the family.

There is a whole comic I will probably never get around to drawing, highlighting group meals along their journey - Gaius sharing his travel snacks in Il Mheg, getting her to join them for drinks and a big meal in the Crystarium, forcing a second helping of stew on her in Rak'tika with Runar. But then it comes to a small camp in the Tempest as the Scions overlook the skyline of Amaurot, one last rest before they venture into the final leg of their journey. Ryne is the one who brings a bowl of soup to Gaius, who is sitting apart from the others. The man is already showing extreme lightwarden features which have been spreading since the episode on Mt. Gulg. "I brought you some soup. To keep your strength up," she offers. He turns his one still-blue eye to her and smiles sadly. "Thanks, but I'm not hungry." He wishes he was. He wishes he could still taste anything. He wishes food didn't sit like a rock in his stomach. The look of grief and pity on Ryne's face is obvious.

Just, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. *rolls around in traumatizing-OCs-for-fun brainworms*

I want to tie the whole light corruption in with Gaius's struggle with his Inner Release beast - probably the best and terrible example I could give of what's in my brain is like how Naruto has the fox spirit sealed inside him. Inner Release is a whole other monster or side of Gaius that he harnesses for power, but not without risk of losing himself to it. Like something during the post-ARR banquet breaks it and that's why he takes up Samurai during HW, as a way to learn to control himself with discipline, meditation, and patience. The whole lightwarden thing either corrupts or fuses with his inner release, and maybe he still manifests some features while he's berserking, like vestigial horns and spikes. IDK, still playing around with that. I do think he keeps his hair longer to cover the small gold horns left over from his light corruption, along with whatever other scarring I settle on. Trying to distance himself from the 'beast' is a big long part of Gaius's struggle through FFXIV.

AND AND. I THINK ZENOS GOT TO FIGHT FULL-ON LIGHT INNER RELEASE BEAST GAIUS AT THE VERY END. Where Gaius finally let's himself fully sink into the pit and embrace everything he's kept buried away, that even he is too afraid to acknowledge. Accepting Zenos also includes accepting the entirety of himself, beast and all. Fray would be proud.

#More screaming into the void when I should be working

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astro-lekha · 2 years ago

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Angel Number 222: Financial, Professional, and Business Meaning || Astro Lekha

Are you aware of the financial and monetary significance of the number 222? Have you recently experienced a lot of 222 angel sightings?

But what does it signify when the angelic number 222 keeps appearing? money, finances, prosperity, and wealth. You tell me!

Some people think that communications from our guardian angels appear as angel numbers. Some people think that these numbers are merely coincidences. There is no correct or incorrect response, but if you frequently encounter the number 222, you should be aware that this is a message from your guardian angel regarding money and finances.

Even though coincidences frequently occur, there seems to be something more going on when it comes to numbers. It can feel as like the universe is sending you a sign when you observe particular numerical patterns, whether it's 11:11 on the clock or $20 on the ground.

The angel number 222, which represents money, is a great indication that you should start anticipating reaping the rewards of your labours.

Since you already know that angel number 222 is fortunate for money and finances, if you have been having financial difficulties, things are about to turn around and good news is on the way. Money and finance are more than simply numbers, as symbolised by the number 222. Your guardian angel is advising you to keep up the excellent work because things are about to become better financially.

The angel number 222 meaning in money serves as a reminder to press on with any significant financial decisions you're considering, such as beginning your own business or investing in real estate. However, the number 222 is interpreted as a reminder to be content with what you have if you're currently in a secure financial position and don't need to make any major changes.

Reasons Why You Keep Seeing 222

Finding the angel number 222 everywhere is a sign that your financial situation is about to improve. The number 222 is a very potent symbol of fresh starts, success, and abundance. Therefore, if you frequently see this number, it's a positive indication that you can expect better financial times in the future. Keep your head up and be optimistic because you're in for excellent things!

This is a fantastic moment to concentrate on your personal development, particularly in the area of money management, since the number 222 also represents mental growth, balance, harmony, and tranquility. You're on the correct track if you trust your instincts and pay attention to your inner voice. More cash will soon be delivered to you.

Even though conditions may not be ideal, you can still succeed if you maintain an optimistic attitude and an open mind. As a result, when you are open to opportunities, you will earn more money.

The number 222 advises you to keep an open mind and trust that things will turn out in your favor when it comes to money. Of course, money doesn't fall from the sky. You must also have trust that your guardian angel is attempting to tell you that the moment has come for you to take action and prepare for financial success.

The number 222 meaning in money and finances is explained in full above. Let's now explore the deeper meaning of 222 and how you might benefit from it.

The true significance of 222 will become clearer to you after reading this essay. The number 222 has other meanings related to financial and personal development as well as the amount of money in question.

Angel Number 222: Financial and Money Meaning

Angel numbers are spiritual transmissions from your guardian angels that offer detailed life advice.

The financial security and independence that angel number 222, which means money and finance, represents are within reach. The number 2 represents duality in your ideas, therefore you must be cautious when choosing the best path to strengthen your finances. Therefore, when making crucial financial decisions, be wise and tenacious.

It would be excellent if you were receptive to new revenue streams. If the angel number 222 shows up in your life, it is a message that you need to strive for daily balance. You'll be able to patiently and skillfully balance your expenses and income in the future to reach financial stability.

You must be conscious of the contradictory nature of your thoughts. Making and carrying out financial decisions can be challenging. With its negative beliefs, your mind could try to hold you back, leaving you even more exposed. Every financial plan comes with hazards, which you should be aware of, but there are also opportunities that can help you manage and get through them.

It's crucial to keep in mind that, despite the fact that it can appear like a coincidence, angel number 222 is cautioning you to be careful with your dualistic thinking. If you plan ahead and have a good mindset, you can achieve financial freedom.

Awakening intuition is also symbolized by the number 222. You'll be able to make wiser financial decisions as a result. To assist you in making the finest financial choices for your future, trust your instincts.

To reach us out in offline mode do not forget to visit

Astro Lekha

G-36, G-Block, Outer Circle, Connaught Place, Delhi, 110001, India

Email: [email protected]

Visit Our Website- https://astrolekha.com/

#222 meaning in money

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supergalaxysam · 3 months ago

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Life Update

So, here's what is happening as of this August with my life:

Learning how to use a credit card and getting used to managing one

Gained a credit score that is currently within good standing

Followed up with the real estate agent and loan officer who's been helping me with my homebuyer journey

Set myself a goal of trying to achieve 3,000USD by end of fall

Will soon be working two jobs and pulling in least 2,000USD bi-weekly; Thus will be making a minimum of around 3,000 to 4,000USD monthly

Hasn't zeroed my checking nor savings account for the first time in 3+ weeks

My living space is finally becoming clean and livable

Signed up for a gym membership

Unfortunately gained a traffic ticket

Finance

So finally it looks like I'm beginning to financially recover. It's taking longer than I was hoping, but as long as nothing drastic happens, the possibility remains realistic. I managed to make over 3,000USD in just July alone--I unfortunately couldn't keep most of the money, as much of it went to cover credit card bills, food, then a sudden vet trip. California's food stamps program (Calfresh/EBT) failed to renew my food stamps on time, so I had to rely on my own funds for food. That said, I'm happy to say I was able to hold onto some of my earnings near the end of July and into August! That alone is a big deal for myself. Additionally, I haven't hit zero in my checking and savings accounts in over three weeks. I used to hit it constantly between late 2022 and this late spring. Rarely was I able to rely on my own funds to eat--instead I was severely dependent on food stamps. I actually gained weight since spring because I'm able to finally eat without being heavily dependent on it. Being able to save money again is now finally a reality. Another huge achievement is I've been able to maintain a good credit score without accruing any credit card debt. It was exhausting work, because while the job I'm working right now is a very easy, "do nothing" job, the mental exhaustion it causes between having to stay awake and constantly drive is a lot. Currently, I'll be starting my original first job again soon. This means that between the two jobs, I should see an increase in funds. My first job has minimal hours, but pays 24USD/hour, meanwhile my second job pays 19.75USD/hour but offers 8 hours of work each shift. I should be receiving 7 hours of work from my first job, and receiving nearly 40 hours of work from my second weekly. Thus, I'll begin making around 3,700USD a month which is exciting! I've never made that much before. My goal for this fall will be to save up 3,000USD, then try saving an additional 7,000USD by February 2025. I hope to one day acquire a job that pays me 6,000USD a month, but least I'm getting there. In the meantime, I plan on working at artist alleys as a third job in the future once I've gotten a booth set up and ready.

Homeownership

There currently isn't too much to say on this front, other than what has been left as bullet notes. I've talked to the real estate agent and loan officer I've been keeping contact with, and their current advice is for me to keep asking them any questions I have for them, and to save my money and wait till spring. I've been advised to look at homebuyers' assistance programs in spring, and there's several that were suggested to me that I'll research later.

Health

It's no secret that my health, specifically my mental health, has made such a severe dip that it ruined my relationships. In fact, for the first time in years, my mental health dipped so bad, my living conditions for myself and my pets became a nightmare. I feel too humiliated and embarrassed to share how bad my environment has been till recently, just know that it reached a point where people asked how I hadn't fallen ill. I'm not in the mental space to comfortably tell people about how I was living in a severe pigsty for so long, and I don't want anyone asking me nor making rhetoric about it. I don't feel like I've reached a point where I feel mentally stable enough to try and befriend people again nor build new relationships. I'm introverted, but have become so isolated and lonely that I don't mind talking to people at all, and have even reached out to help others. But all my talks are kept quite short, as I don't want anything beyond acquaintances. I've gone through too much in too short of a timespan to have the heart to accept any new kind of relationship beyond platonic mutualism. I constantly have bad dreams of relationships being destroyed, and myself being exiled from social groups, regardless of if I can recognize the people in the dreams as peers or just strangers. That said, the uptick in finance has allowed me to focus on cleaning. I've gotten rid of any belongings I didn't need anymore alongside any litter that had been sitting around for ages. I ended up spending much of my summer earnings on buying cleaning supplies, replacing old bedding and clothes that were falling apart, buying new soap, etc. because so much was either falling apart or was in sparse supply. I can now finally have consistent fresh bedding, I now have fresh undergarments and socks, I finally have more than one or two pairs of pants. It makes a big difference. I also can finally afford a gym membership again. I haven't been able to attend a gym since 2019, and I'm indeed out of shape. Exercises and exercise machines that I could easily breeze through are now a major hurdle that I can only briefly do. I'm still able to last 30 minutes luckily, but it will take time for myself to rebuild what was lost. Ever since I've gone further changes via HRT, my relationship with my physical body has become very awkward and dysmorphic. I have strong abdominal muscles and some musculature in my arms and shoulders, but not much elsewhere within my upper body, especially my chest. Since I haven't been able to build much muscle within my chest, and that region was surgically operated on (top surgery), a mix of fat and muscle was removed from my body, thus leaving me very flat. Visually, this results in an awkward look where it looks like I have a very large belly and/or scoliosis from the side whereas the reality is I happen to have a broad rib cage, a big ass, thick legs, and a strong abdominal wall, but a very flat chest and not much else to balance the appearance. I want to bulk up to have large muscular pecs and a well toned upper body to help balance out the appearance.

Traffic Ticket

I received a traffic ticket this Wednesday. It was for unsafe lane change, which was caused by me being tired from my overnight shift, and trying to attempt a lane change on the freeway and onto an off ramp so I could get breakfast and go home. I was very foolish and nowhere lucid enough to notice I performed this lane change right in front of a highway officer. I also had been driving for an hour too, and while I managed to somewhat endure the drive, my lucidity fell apart near the end. Luckily, my court hearing is scheduled months away from now, and the ticket fine won't be charged to me till around two weeks from now. Therefore I least have time to prepare for the worst. I am very concerned about the fine costs, as it could easily be just not the fine itself, but any additional costs issued by the court. It'll be a major problem if the total ends up being any more than 500USD for myself since it's only now I've just begun to pick myself off the ground finance-wise. I'll look into having my shift schedule changed later so I won't need to do overnight shifts, and also have Tuesday and Saturday off.

It's late right now, so I'm petering out while writing this. Goodnight.

#blogs #blogging

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hismercytomyjustice · 3 months ago

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OCD is so fucking sneaky sometimes. I s2g.

Wildly long personal post below.

Had a moment where my brain was like, “But would it be checking or reassurance seeking if you compiled google docs of all of your fave fic authors’ works so you can easily search them whenever you’re worried about an idea for a plot point or wording you have might have been accidentally subconsciously drawn from one of them?”

And I’m just sitting there like, “Wow! Great idea! It’d take a bit of work up front, but then I could be like 95% certain I haven’t done that because I’d be able to check and reassurance seek at scale! The real problem is spending hours doing it, right?”

*looks over to mental manifestation of their therapist who is vehemently shaking her head*

∘ ∘ ∘ ( °ヮ° ) ? “..…no..? Goddammit.”

My therapist was asking me the other day how I knew this was an OCD spiral and I told her it was because of how much real estate this whole thing has been taking up in my noggin, in addition to the realization I was engaging in checking/reassurance seeking and it wasn’t actually doing anything to make me feel better.

SIIIIIIIGH.

Fucking HATE IT. It would be SO FUCKING EASY to spend hours creating my own personal anxiety relieving database. I LOVE doing shit like that! It would probably make me feel better for a little bit too!

“But that is unhinged behavior! Normal People™ don’t do that… Right..?”

*looks over to mental manifestation of their therapist who is vehemently nodding her head*

(≖_≖ ) “Goddammit.”

NICE TRY, BITCH. WE ARE NOT WILLINGLY LAPSING!

BUT. Lol. My therapist suggested I might need to get on a medication more specific for OCD. The SSRI I’m currently on works for OCD, but isn’t geared specifically to it. She was like “You’ve been having a lot of ruminating thoughts lately.”

She also suggested meeting with a straight up psychiatrist mainly regarding managing my meds since I have competing conditions like OCD and ADHD. ADHD meds can actually exacerbate OCD. My doctor actually wanted me to do this too, but the one associated with their practice doesn’t take my insurance. Y’know, the great USA, land of the free! Unless it involves medical care, trans rights, protecting folks from racism, etc etc etc…

She also suggested an autism life coach to me. My therapist has been pretty outspoken she thinks I have it even tho I didn’t officially get diagnosed. But apparently this lady she recommended specializes in helping folks with day-to-day stuff like routines and work and all to help them navigate all that and ngl I am desperate need of that kind of help.

So I have some folks to contact now. And hopefully they’ll be able to help me further pull myself out of this burnout rut I’ve fallen into.

I was researching autistic burnout the other day because I was just like “is this regular burnout or could it be autistic burnout, what’s the difference” and most stuff seemed to point to “it’s likely autistic burnout if your executive function is severely impacted to the point you’re struggling to take care of your basic needs” and I’m just like… ( . _ . )""

Another super fun OCD spiral I’ve had lately is “I’m 95% sure I’m autistic even though I didn’t get the official diagnosis, but I would be a terrible fucking person if the 5% was actually correct and I was co-opting autism.”

It took three therapists weighing in on my evaluation for them to decide whether or not I have it. The ones who met with me were both pretty confident I have it and said as much to each other (my therapist and my evaluator who contacted her to discuss further). And the one who got the final say (my evaluator’s supervisor, as she’s newly accredited) never even met me, so…

It took MONTHS to get my results back specifically because of the autism question too. Right after my ADHD evaluation, the evaluator was just like “you def have ADHD, but I’m not sure about the autism. We’ll schedule follow ups on that.” She sent me a bunch of questionnaires and also sent them to my husband, she spoke with my current therapist, and she did an autism interview (?) with me.

Whenever I do questionnaires about masking/camouflaging I am always off the charts. But most of the interview questions, I felt like didn’t really pertain to me? It all felt like it was specifically geared toward folks with more intense symptoms/manifestations of autism? Idk if that’s the right terminology. More “stereotypical” symptoms? Idk.

I’m pretty sure I would’ve gotten the diagnosis if I’d done it as a teenager tho. I feel I had more “stereotypical” symptoms then. Lol got told I was “weird/creepy” a few times and genuinely struggled to know how to do shit like small talk and all so I just wouldn’t!

But then I started working in customer service in college, where my manager at the time told me I needed to “smile and make small talk” with folks, so I started doing that. Do most folks get told they need to do that kind of thing? Is it innate?

BUT, I’m REALLY FUCKING GOOD at small talk now! This is not an exaggeration either! Multiple people I know have commented on how bizarre it is how total strangers will approach me and just abruptly tell me their life story??? I mean I guess that’s not small talk, but still! I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m overcompensating now during social interactions.

Just constantly have a running dialogue in my head of “make eye contact, smile, make sure you’re listening, nod/make sounds to show you’re listening, think about what questions to ask them next based on what they tell you, remember things they’ve expressed an interest in before and come up with questions/topics that lean into that.”

I don’t do that before interactions tho. But I do it in the moment? So does that count as scripting..? IDK! Is that Normal Person™ behavior? NO FUCKING CLUE!

I also can take fucking DAYS to recover from more involved social interactions!

The one thing everyone seemed to agree on was that I was showing very clear autistic traits with some work shit I was dealing with at the time. The problem was management was being super vague about what they wanted and I kept asking for clarification and not meeting their nebulous expectations to the point they finally had to spell them out.

GUESS FUCKING WHAT! The second they finally took the time to clarify this shit, I was suddenly a model employee! It’s almost like I wasn’t the problem in the first place! AMAZING! But no one else on the team (that I know of) struggled with this ambiguity. And the evaluator’s supervisor was like “yeah, that def looks like autism, but I’m not seeing enough autism in other areas of their life.”

So. Yeah. I’m left in OCD spiral land of “Do I have autism or is the OCD/ADHD I have been officially diagnosed with just really fucking good at emulating it?” Because there is a TON of fucking overlap between the three.

I also scored in the 84 percentile for the IQ test and the 96 percentile for Verbal Comprehension, which I think def played a role in terms of not fitting the “stereotype” in regard to autism. I know IQ tests and shit are inherently flawed, but I feel like there’s a major stereotype for autism in regard to speaking/vocabulary and being able to articulate things. The “problem” for me in this regard is I’m a fucking English major and have always been obsessed with shit like reading, critical thinking, etc. My entire degree is in “being able to communicate, articulate your pov in a way others understand, and reading between the lines” super well. I got a fucking 4.0 in my major.

Lord this wound up being insanely long. Oh, fucking well. Just feeling a bit frustrated yet also proud of myself? Frustrated about the OCD/ruminations, but proud of NOT creating a personal database to satisfy my OCD.

Even though I am STILL wildly concerned about the possibility of plagiarizing. And am still not entirely convinced I haven’t somehow.

BUT I AM NOT COMPULSING. So. Small win???

…god I hate living with the uncertainty…it will eventually go away, but I want it to go away NOW!

#hismercy’s musings #actually ocd #fuck ocd #uuuugh #but I’m not compulsing #so I GUESS that’s a win???

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anorc-writing · 4 months ago

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Hehe. Old story descriptions.

Once these lurked in my fanfiction.net profile.

'Not with a half-blood!': Now (Amazingly) over seven hundred and fifteen thousand hits. Hooray!

My take on a post-war Harry and Daphne betrothal, but without magical contracts, ancient betrothal contracts or... Harry being unable to get out of it. Daphne Greengrass at a ministry party tells that famous half-blood about her immanent engagement and marriage to the new head of the house of Black, Draco Malfoy. Harry is confused. (Spoilers: Harry has a saving people thing, a terrible upbringing and spent seven years at war.) (Double spoiler: Fleur Weasley doesn't like Ginny Weasley much) (Triple spoiler: Harry does things and sometimes it turns out good. Sometimes not so good.) The story is intentionally slow-paced, in a naturalistic take on what a story is. You may not like it. Or you may love it, it's rather polarising.

*My editor is editing this for spelling and punctuation. (Should help)*

*I have a revised text, where I've added in Harry's thoughts, because apparently people can't read between the lines. I may be uploading this alternate version. The working title for it is "Not with a halfblood for people that don't read good." To be honest, it's hard to spell out what Harry's thinking and still keep the tone I want in the story.*

(I've seen some quite public, extremely critical comments about this story. As uploaded, it does need line editing, but I like to think that for the money, it's very good value for money entertainment. And my editor is editing, so it'll be all updated by .. probably .. September 1st.)

The Sequel "The Curious Incident of the Trip to the Seaside" is under way also completed. It contains disaster, bad luck and terrible injuries. And a side order of legal troubles. Oh, and (spoilers) Harry and Daphne loving each other. https://archiveofourown.org/works/43202524/chapters/108585235

A third novel in the series, "But I wanted a Pony!" arrived one day.

Minerva McGonnagal would not recommend it. Firenze is very annoyed. The Destroyer comes, rending the veil. https://archiveofourown.org/works/50075527/chapters/126449407

"Fireworks" is my first fic uploaded to the internet. It's not my best work. There is a sequel to Fireworks, "Harry Potter and the rise of the Black Rod" -- which is currently being worked on, Also complete. I wrote a lot of Fireworks on holiday on what was the abandoned estate of a "French Baron". I'm going back, 'and this time it's personal.' Fireworks as a text started out as an experiment in 3rd person objective with everyone's thoughts opaque. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I went back and changed it to be more like proper Harry Potter. JKR. uses "speech" said Ron "more speech" ; I did not notice till I reread Deathly Hallows.

While I was writing Fireworks I had several exciting computer problems, including the program I was using to write it with shuffling scenes randomly. Needless to say, I don't use that program any longer. Links are in my ao3 or ffn accounts.

Ashes in your mouth Yet another Harry after the war story. Fireworks took a turn for the cashed-up Harry Potter with seven surnames. This story instead has Harry Potter, with some modest inheritance, a job as an Auror and issues to work through. Including goblins who hate him, back taxes, unpaid bills and the love of a good woman. Once he smooths over those arguments with Ginny. (Spoilers: Harry has annoyed the goblins of Gringotts, has PTSD, but he's not alone. In having PTSD, anyway.) Less money, more problems, and a hint of Harry having real mental problems. Kind of a respin. Fireworks redeux, sorta. It goes different places. https://archiveofourown.org/works/39086295/chapters/97776888

Harry Potter and the Method of Double-tap, and Harry Potter and the Unwanted Marriage Contract

For Harry Potter and the Unwanted Marriage Contract I did four! different flavors of the same story, because it amuses me. Maybe you'll like it too. Don't take it too seriously.. except maybe the message that niceness beats being horrible. And that a fritatta is a good breakfast. I'm rewriting this due to forgetting the impact of Tonks & Andromeda. *I May have abandoned the rewrite.*

And "Harry Potter takes things into his own hands: an alternate second chapter for Harry Potter and the method of Double-Tap, where Harry attempts to 'solve his problems' and falls in unrequited love with a witch instead. Features Harry, his trusty gun, an invisibility cloak and a cursed marriage contract. More bad behavior than is suitable to be read by anyone. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13934551/1/Harry-Pottter-takes-things-into-his-own-hands

Ride-Along: Post Hogwarts immediately after the end of the war. Because Harry always wanted to be an Auror, be Ginny's boyfriend and call his son Albus Severus. Quite a sad story. (Needs line editing, and depicts PTSD. Some people really like it.) https://archiveofourown.org/works/36209560/chapters/90262342

Hedwig's Choice: If you give a valentines day card to a snowy owl that is 100% attitude, you might not get to chose who she delivers it to. Saying 'The Prettiest girl in Hogwarts' is just opening a can of worms. And Hedwig likes worms. And bacon. And sausages. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13698121/1/Hedwig-s-Choice

Find the Lady. Where Harry Potter leans some practical life skills before Hogwarts... with three cups, a coin and some Street Theater patter. An one-shot made from short scenes between Harry's adventures where he takes a break from being Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived with kung-fu grip, Emerald eyes and mysterious prophecy. Underage substance abuse and an (intermittently) very bad Harry Potter. Maybe the bit in Cursed child where he breaks up two marriages isn't so out of character, if you knew the man behind the myth. This Harry Potter may contain a bit more Crank, Trainspotting and Cursed Child than normal. I blame cousin Dudley, and the book on Street Theater Harry bought aged ten. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13759496/1/Find-The-Lady

When Harry Met Daphne: Harry Potter. Wannabe-auror. Ron Weasley, Wannabe-auror. Hermione Granger, reformer of magical creatures laws. Daphne Greengrass... wants to go shopping and has nothing to do with those three. Character deaths. A detective story... sort of. Weirdly even has a happy ending. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13647450/1/When-Harry-met-Daphne

Yes, Minister:A collection of vignettes set in the double-Tap universe. Like... small shorts. Short shorts, if you will. (The Simpsons did it first) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13885554/1/Yes-Minister

How badly could this go: There was a challenge about being a self-insert (SI) into Harry Potter, trying to make things better, and accidentally making things worse. "What's the worst that could happen" turns out to be my favorite phrase. It's written in the first person, which will put people off. A SI redo fic with try, die, repeat. https://archiveofourown.org/works/36206152/chapters/90252628

Strangely, not only have I started on a sequel (Old and Tired), there's a sequel to the sequel. (Readers, ask yourself, should you write a sequel when you're not done writing book 2? No.)

Harry Potter meets Death: Lets take the very end of Deathly Hallows and play a game. Bonus points to realize just what Death's game is. Not metaphorically, that's just being death. Harry's going to use his intuition. Yeah. He's gonna get badly injured. Also, a diverging plot complete with a psychopomp and it's voluntary. Chapter nine is kicking my arse. Ten's kinda done.

0 notes

masterofd1saster · 9 months ago

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CJ current events 8feb24

Gun control advocate pleads not guilty after pointing loaded gun at woman, pulling trigger, and killing her

Alec Baldwin has pleaded not guilty to involuntary manslaughter in the fatal shooting of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins on the New Mexico set of "Rust." The actor entered the plea in a court document filed Wednesday, waiving his arraignment, which had been scheduled to occur virtually on Thursday. Under the terms of his release, the actor is ordered to not possess firearms, among other conditions, court filings show. A grand jury indicted the 65-year-old actor on involuntary manslaughter in January, a fourth-degree felony that carries a sentence of up to 18 months in prison if convicted.*** https://abcnews.go.com/US/alec-baldwin-pleads-not-guilty-involuntary-manslaughter-rust-shooting/story?id=106797584

***

Hope they used protection, don't want cloven-hoofed children; clean Costco w/ bleach

Brian Meloche, a longtime friend of Jennifer Crumbley and with whom she was having an affair with at the time of the 2021 Oxford School shooting, took the stand to testify in her manslaughter trial on Wednesday. In texts sent after the shooting, Jennifer Crumbley told Meloche that the shooting "could have been prevented," according to evidence. In other texts, she told him the school was "nonchalant" about concerns surrounding Ethan Crumbley and said that the school should have taken the concerns seriously and not allowed him to return to class. Jennifer Crumbley and James Crumbley are each facing four counts of involuntary manslaughter in connection with the school shooting, which was carried out by their then-15-year-old son Ethan Crumbley. James Crumbley is being tried in a separate trial in March.*** Meloche testified Wednesday that Jennifer Crumbley had told him she was able to leave work to meet up with him even though she allegedly told school officials on the day of the shooting that she could not take her son home or for mental health care that day because she needed to return to work. Jennifer and James Crumbley decided to send their son back to class despite a meeting the morning of the shooting in which school officials expressed concerns about him. Andrew Smith, the CEO of the real estate company where Jennifer Crumbley worked at the time of the shooting, testified on Tuesday that she would have been allowed to leave for the day if she needed to take care of her son and could have brought him to work if she needed.*** Meloche testified that the two normally met in the parking lot of a Costco across the street from her job during the morning hours of work days, when Ethan Crumbley was at school. He testified that he never felt that Jennifer Crumbley did not care about her son.***

***

In all fairness, St Augustine did get around as a young man.....

A 22-year-old San Francisco man was arrested in connection with a shooting incident at a Catholic church after a standoff at a Hunters Point home Tuesday. South San Francisco police said officers responded to St. Augustine Catholic Church on Callan Boulevard for a report of a shooting at around 1:25 p.m. When they arrived, they found broken glass from the church's entryway but no injuries. Witnesses soon told police a suspect was seen fleeing the area afterward. Detectives soon identified the suspect as Debari Charvel Augustine and worked with the San Francisco Police Department SWAT Team and San Mateo law enforcement to apprehend the suspect.*** https://sfstandard.com/2024/01/31/san-francisco-man-shot-up-catholic-church/

+++

*** On January 26, a person with the same name as Debari Augustine created a petition on Change.org titled “Urge Israel and the United Nations to Sign the Golden Compact for World Peace.”

At the time of publication, CatholicVote was not able to confirm if the person who created the petition is also the same Augustine whom the police arrested in San Francisco on January 30.

In the petition, Augustine claims to be “a descendant of St. Augustine and my father is the Biblical Melchezedek.”

An excerpt from the petition reads,

On behalf of the Divine Order of Saint Augustine, under Jewish law, for the United States of America. I, King James Julius Caesar Augustine of Europe, charge the United States of Africa with the attempted assassination of King Debari Charvel Augustine and the genocide of the Augustine family for the Louisiana Purchase of 1803. Therefore, I reject your declaration of independence and hereby declare war on the United States of Africa.

The petition has acquired 31 signatures. https://catholicvote.org/police-arrest-22-year-old-suspect-san-francisco-catholic-church-shooting

***

Maybe try a legit, non-criminal, socially useful job?

Opinion: Weed-bros still cling to a “booth babes” and “no girls in the grow” sexist mentality

How misogyny permeates the marijuana industry

Cannabis revels in the beauty and destruction of the female form: the flowering bud of the unfertilized female plant is the coveted product. And yet, on the altar of weed-bro culture, women like me have found themselves devoured and sacrificed by a marijuana industry that is steeped in sexism. I spark a joint and inhale it slowly to kill the pain. Back in 2014, when I began my career as a writer, I sold weed at a medical shop. A fifty-something-year-old man who owned the dispensary told me, “No women in the grow.” I cried. He then handed me a hundred dollars as an apology, the bill itself a visual reminder of all the structures that have excluded women. I am not proud of it, but I took the cash. I thought it was a kindness. What a gentleman. Ten years later, I’ve learned that women are the true outliers in weed.***

***

BB-

***

Rethinking that DNA is always right thing

DENVER (KDVR) — A forensic scientist previously employed by the Colorado Bureau of Investigation is costing the state millions to review her work after “anomalies” were found in her DNA testing analyses. According to a state funding request obtained by FOX31, the Colorado Department of Public Safety is asking for nearly $7.5 million to spend on reviewing and retesting DNA samples processed by a longtime state forensic scientist, Yvonne “Missy” Woods. The request includes funding for an accountant to manage the payments required for impacted district attorneys’ offices. The offices will be responsible for reviewing the legal ramifications of impacted cases — which could total nearly 2,300 — and possibly presenting the cases for retrial. Woods worked in CBI’s Forensic Services division for 29 years, according to CBI, and left the position in November. She is now subject to an internal affairs investigation in addition to a criminal investigation for the anomalies in her work.*** She also was recognized by the Polis administration in March 2022, receiving the Tom Clements Award for “Outstanding Service in Government.”*** https://kdvr.com/news/local/dna-retesting-colorado-criminal-cases-state-forensic-scientist/

***

You killed a man over a bus ride?

A 13-year-old boy allegedly shot and killed a 60-year-old man on a bus because the man’s leg was blocking the aisle, Denver police said. The boy was arrested Thursday afternoon on suspicion of first-degree murder, the Denver Police Department said in a news release Friday. Officers responded to a shooting on a Transdev bus near the intersection of South Federal Boulevard and West Mississippi Avenue at 6:41 p.m. Saturday and found a man, later identified as Richard Sanchez, with a gunshot wound.*** The Denver Office of the Medical Examiner determined Sanchez’s death was a homicide as a result of multiple gunshot wounds. Investigators believe the boy had a “verbal exchange” with Sanchez about Sanchez’s leg blocking the aisle of the bus, after which the boy shot him, according to Denver police. A second man injured in the shooting was treated at the scene and did not need to be taken to a hospital, the department said in a news release. https://www.denverpost.com/2024/02/02/boy-13-arrested-fatal-bus-shooting-denver-richard-sanchez/

***

Rehabilitation works when the person sees a reason to rehab

Jelly Roll For Jelly Roll (born Jason DeFord), a 39-year-old former drug dealer from Antioch, Tennessee (just outside of Nashville), who was in and out of detention centers for ten years and did his first stint at 14, music is primarily an emotional exercise: he channels a life of pain, drugs, and crime into his work. Hip-hop was the obvious way for Jelly Roll to tell his story. And that’s the kind of music he made until 2020, when he released “Save Me,” a stripped-down demo where he sings rather than raps. More recently, he tells his story with a different sound: country music. Jelly Roll isn’t just making money off his past; he’s trying to make change happen, too. Earlier this month, he testified before Congress about the fentanyl crisis, saying “I brought my community down. I hurt people. . . . I am here now standing as a man that wants to be a part of the solution.” Tomorrow he’ll complete his journey from prison cell to red carpet with his first-ever nomination—for a sound that is all his own. *** https://www.thefp.com/p/grammys-joni-mitchell-lana-del-rey-jelly-roll

***

You whiny little snot,

Joshua Adam Schulte, 35, of New York, New York, was sentenced [1feb24] to 480 months in prison for crimes of espionage, computer hacking, contempt of court, making false statements to the FBI, and child pornography. Schulte’s theft is the largest data breach in the history of the CIA, and his transmission of that stolen information to WikiLeaks is one of the largest unauthorized disclosures of classified information in the history of the United States. Today’s sentencing followed Schulte’s convictions at trials that concluded on March 9, 2020, July 13, 2022, and Sept. 13, 2023.*** from 2012 to 2016, Schulte was employed as a software developer in the Center for Cyber Intelligence (CCI), which conducts offensive cyber operations: cyber espionage relating to terrorist organizations and foreign governments. *** In March 2016, Schulte was moved within branches of CCI as a result of personnel disputes between Schulte and another developer. Following that transfer, in April 2016, Schulte abused his administrator powers to grant himself administrator privileges over a development project from which he had been removed as a result of the branch change.*** Schulte had, however, secretly opened an administrator session on one of the servers before his privileges were removed. On April 20, 2016, after other developers had left the CCI office, Schulte used his secret server administrator session to execute a series of cyber-maneuvers on the CIA network to restore his revoked privileges, break in to the backups, steal copies of the entire CCI tool development archives (the Stolen CIA Files), revert the network back to its prior state, and delete hundreds of log files in an attempt to cover his tracks. Schulte’s theft of the Stolen CIA Files is the largest data breach in CIA history. From his home computer, Schulte then transmitted the Stolen CIA Files to WikiLeaks, using anonymizing tools recommended by WikiLeaks to potential leakers, such as the Tails operating system and the Tor browser. On May 5, 2016, having transmitted the Stolen CIA Files to WikiLeaks, Schulte wiped and reformatted his home computer’s internal hard drives. On March 7, 2017, WikiLeaks began publishing classified data from the Stolen CIA Files. Between March and November 2017, there were a total of 26 disclosures of classified data from the Stolen CIA Files that WikiLeaks denominated as Vault 7 and Vault 8 (the WikiLeaks Disclosures). The WikiLeaks Disclosures were one of the largest unauthorized disclosures of classified information in the history of the United States, and Schulte’s theft and disclosure immediately and profoundly damaged the CIA’s ability to collect foreign intelligence against America’s adversaries; placed CIA personnel, programs, and assets directly at risk; and cost the CIA hundreds of millions of dollars. *** In March 2017, the FBI searched Schulte’s apartment in New York pursuant to a search warrant and recovered, among other things, multiple computers, servers, and other electronic storage devices, including Schulte’s personal desktop computer (the Desktop Computer), which Schulte built while living in Virginia and then transported to New York in November 2016. On the Desktop Computer, FBI agents found layers of encryption hiding tens of thousands of videos and images of child sexual abuse materials, including approximately 3,400 images and videos of disturbing and horrific child pornography and the rape and sexual abuse of children as young as two years old, as well as images of bestiality and sadomasochism. Schulte collected some of these files during his employment with the CIA and continued to stockpile child pornography from the dark web and Russian websites after moving to New York.*** https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/former-cia-officer-joshua-adam-shulte-sentenced-40-years-prison-espionage-and-child

***

Social and physical pathologies are close friends

***Since July 1, the Pueblo County jail screened 182 women for syphilis under the pilot program, according to the state health department. It found 37 who were infected, including two who were pregnant at the time. About 70% of those who tested positive, including both of the pregnant prisoners, had completed treatment as of December. El Paso and Jefferson counties also started screening female prisoners in December, but haven’t yet released data.*** https://www.denverpost.com/2024/02/03/colorado-syphilis-rates-state-funding/

***

Death in DC

[Mike Gill] who was shot during a Washington, D.C., carjacking spree on Monday died Saturday, his wife said in a statement. [He] was shot Monday in violence that also claimed the life of another man. Gill, a father of three, was picking his wife up Monday from work at her law office near Mount Vernon Square, when 28-year-old Artell Cunningham got inside his parked car outside of an office building on K street and shot him in the head around 5:45 p.m., according to police. His wife found him on the sidewalk. He was taken to a hospital in critical condition.*** The violence began Monday afternoon when the assailant got into a car and shot a male driver before running away, Washington's Metropolitan Police Department reported. Police said the ordeal, which involved a Jeep Grand Cherokee, occurred in about three minutes. The attacker later tried and failed to steal a Mercedes-Benz, according to police. The attacker approached a man and a woman, demanding their car keys, police said. The attacker then fatally shot Alberto Vasquez Jr., 35, and fled in a stolen Chrysler 200, according to an incident report. The next morning, the man fired once at a cruiser on Interstate 295, police said, causing the vehicle to sustain a gunshot to the driver's side door and shattering the driver's side window. The attacker was fatally shot by police Tuesday in New Carrollton, Maryland, Maryland Attorney General Anthony G. Brown said in a statement. The Washington Post reported that he may have been undergoing a psychiatric crisis at the time of the events. https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/mike-gill-dies/2024/02/04/id/1152187/

***

Might actually have Pres Biden join Trump in the whole immunity argument

President Biden's team is concerned that special counsel Robert Hur's investigation into Biden's handling of classified documents will hurt his re-election campaign.

Why it matters: Biden aides don't expect criminal charges in the case, but they believe Hur's report will include embarrassing details — possibly with photos — on how Biden stored documents.

In late 2022, Obama-era classified documents were discovered in Biden's garage at his home in Delaware and in a private office he used.

Biden aides believe that Donald Trump, Biden's likely foe in November, will try to use Hur's report to create equivalency with the felony charges Trump faces related to his keeping classified documents after his presidency.

Biden aides believe Hur's probe is done and that his final report could come any time — even as soon as this week — but the final timing is unclear.***

Even if there are no criminal charges, Biden aides expect the report's details to be politically damaging.

Biden has defended storing documents from his vice presidency in his garage, saying: "By the way, my Corvette is in a locked garage, so it's not like they're sitting out on the street."

Any photos of those storage practices could cause a political storm similar to what happened after the release of photos of Trump storing documents at Mar-a-Lago, including in a bathroom.*** https://www.axios.com/2024/02/04/biden-special-counsel-classified-docs-trump

***

Swat him

A 17-year-old “serial swatter” from California is believed to be responsible for hundreds of swatting incidents and bomb threats throughout the United States and is now facing charges in Florida, according to a pretrial detention motion. Alan Filion was extradited to Florida on January 30 to face charges for a swatting incident at a mosque, according to the Seminole County State Attorney’s Office.*** The sheriff’s office said the teen created several accounts on websites offering swatting services and “various IP addresses connected to these accounts” led to his home address. In July 2023, officials said they executed a search warrant at Filion’s home address. He was arrested on January 18. Filion was charged as an adult and faces three felony charges of false reporting and a felony charge of unlawful use of a two-way communication device.*** https://www.yahoo.com/news/17-old-alleged-serial-swatter-030252992.html

***

You conceal evidence like that, see what happens

VIA ELECTRONIC TRANSMISSION The Honorable Christopher A. Wray Director Federal Bureau of Investigation Dear Director Wray: We are writing about the FBI’s failure to provide information requested by members relating to the now infamous Richmond memo while misleading this body with what little information it did provide. We recently also learned that the FBI permanently deleted critical records related to the memo, and one of the authors of the Richmond memo prepared a second, external report in coordination with headquarters that was intended to be circulated outside the Richmond office to the full FBI.1 This information further calls into question your sworn testimony before the House Judiciary Committee on July 12, 2023, and the integrity of the FBI’s internal review.2 The FBI must immediately provide a coherent and complete response to the Senate.*** https://www.foxnews.com/politics/gop-senators-demand-the-fbi-repair-the-damage-to-its-credibility-over-anti-catholic-memo-debacle

***

Excellent video

***

Crazy Delta pilot case

You may recall that Jonathan Dunn was a Delta pilot. When the captain of his aircraft announced he had to divert the flight due to a medical emergency, Dunn announced that he had a firearm, and he was going to shoot the captain if he diverted.

The case is United States v. Jonathan J. Dunn, 23-cr-00375 in the U.S. District Court for Utah. The case is assigned to Judge Howard C. Nielson, Jr.

Apparently, Dunn has not been able to negotiate a plea agreement acceptable to him b/c the case is set for trial on April 2, 2024.

The statute Dunn allegedly violated 49 U.S.C. §46504 says that "if a dangerous weapon is used in assaulting or intimidating the member or attendant, the individual shall be imprisoned for any term of years or for life."

Minute Entry for proceedings held before Judge Howard C. Nielson, Jr. Scheduling Conference as to Jonathan J. Dunn held on 1/25/2024. All parties appearing via Zoom conference. Parties updated the Court as to the status of the case. Final Pretrial Conference set for 3/21/2024 at 01:30 PM in Rm 7.300 before Judge Howard C. Nielson, Jr. 4-day Jury Trial set for 4/2/2024 at 10:00 AM in Rm 7.300 before Judge Howard C. Nielson, Jr. The Court made Speedy Trial findings on the record and excluded time until 4/2/2024. Mr. Kennedy to prepare a proposed order. Attorney for Plaintiff: Michael Kennedy, Attorney for Defendant: John Huber. Court Reporter: Teena Green. (Time Start: 4:00, Time End: 4:30, Room: Zoom conference.) (mlp) (Entered: 01/26/2024)

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Don't give dirty books to kids unless you're a teacher or librarian, then you get paid for it

New Jersey law generally prohibits giving obscenity to children. N.J.S.2C:34-3. The legislature is considering amending the law to include

(3) (a) It is an affirmative defense *** that the defendant is a teaching staff member, including a school library media specialist, who is engaged in the performance of the person’s duties*** (b) It is an affirmative defense *** that the defendant is a staff member of a public library, including a librarian employed by a public library who is engaged in the performance of the person’s duties***

The bill is Senate Bill 2421, introduced by state Sens Zwicker & Ruiz. I guess they know how to show Ron Desantis.

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Noo Yawk, if I can fake it there....

The glamorous founder of an alleged “orgasm cult’’ faced Brooklyn federal court Thursday after being accused of grooming members into having sex with investors and clients for over a decade. Nicole Daedone, who is accused of running OneTaste – a wellness company that promoted “orgasmic meditation” for women, made the brief appearance after pleading not guilty last year to a federal criminal charge of forced labor conspiracy. Her former head of sales, Rachel Cherwitz, is also charged in the case. During the procedural hearing, Judge Diane Gujarati sent a tentative trial date for the pair for Jan. 13 next year.*** [sex trafficking?] https://nypost.com/2024/02/02/metro/glamorous-founder-of-alleged-orgasm-cult-appears-in-ny-court-after-being-accused-of-grooming-members-into-having-sex-with-investors/

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Accused Gilgo Beach serial killer Rex Heuermann appeared in a Long Island court Tuesday for the first time since being indicted last month on charges of killing a fourth woman. Heuermann, 60, silently entered the Suffolk County Courthouse in Riverhead wearing a black suit and white shirt — marking his first time back before Justice Timothy Mazzei since he pleaded not guilty on Jan. 16 to an indictment charging him with killing sex worker Maureen Brainard-Barnes, a 25-year-old mom of two, in 2007. The hearing was scheduled to give the judge an update on the progress of the case. Heuermann, an architect and married father of two, had already been behind bars since his July arrest for the killings of Amber Lynn Costello, 27, Melissa Bethelemy, 24, and Megan Waterman, 22 — who, along with Brainard-Barnes, make up the tragic so-called “Gilgo Four.” Heuermann was tied to the murders of the prior three women through DNA found on a discarded pizza box. He was connected to the July 9, 2007, slaying of Brainard-Barnes — the first of the “Gilgo Four” to go missing while working as a call girl — through DNA evidence taken off the Monster energy beverage from which his 26-year daughter, Victoria, drank, officials said last month.*** After the new indictment from last month, Heuermann’s alleged sick online search history was exposed in court papers — which showed his twisted searches had included “Tied up fat girl porn,” “Skinny white teen crying porn,” “medieval torture of women” and “skinny black slave girl.”*** https://nypost.com/2024/02/06/metro/gilgo-beach-suspect-rex-heuermann-appears-in-long-island-court/

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Apply this to "gender affirming care?"

The Criminal Division’s Human Rights and Special Prosecutions Section (HRSP) joined federal partners, including U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s Human Rights Violators and War Crimes Center (HRVWCC) and the FBI’s International Human Rights Unit (IHRU), non-governmental organizations (NGOs), and others today in recognizing the International Day of Zero Tolerance for Female Genital Mutilation (FGM). “Female genital mutilation, a form of gender-based violence and child abuse, will not be tolerated today — or any day — in the United States,” said Acting Assistant Attorney General Nicole M. Argentieri of the Justice Department’s Criminal Division. “The Justice Department and our law enforcement partners remain committed to holding perpetrators accountable and to providing support for victims of FGM using every tool available to us.”*** https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/justice-department-and-federal-partners-recognize-zero-tolerance-day-female-genital-0

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Sex noises from San Diego massage parlor interrupt church services, lead to prostitution bust: report

Lurid sex noises echoing out of a San Diego massage parlor and into a nearby church reportedly spurred a police investigation that led to four arrests and a bust of the alleged brothel. Cops said last week they fielded numerous complaints from businesses and residents perched near the Ocean Spa Massage Parlor — which ranged from reports about the aforementioned noises to locals seeing people have sex in cars, Fox News Digital reported. The department’s vice unit began an “extensive and thorough investigation,” city police said, which involved more than 125 hours of work. During that time, they documented at least four instances where employees offered cops sex, the outlet said. They also found nearly 1,300 online ads for sex at the parlor that were posted in the last five years. Eventually, four people were busted for prostitution as the city took legal action to shut the shady business down.*** https://nypost.com/2024/02/04/news/sex-noises-from-san-diego-massage-parlor-interrupt-church-services-lead-to-prostitution-bust-report/

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She'll get straight probation

A 38-year-old Minnesota mother of two was arrested after she allegedly had sex with two 15-year-old boys at the same time at a hotel last month. Allison Leigh Schardin, 38, of Blaine, was taking a “staycation” with her family at a hotel in Roseville where a boys hockey team from Colorado was also staying for a tournament, according to a criminal complaint. Schardin began talking to the teenagers, who were both members of the team, in a hotel hot tub on the night of Jan. 14, and told them that she and her husband were having marital problems, according to the Star Tribune. After the boys went back to their rooms, she sent one of them a Snapchat saying that she had just had a fight with her husband and wanted to come to the teen’s room. In the boy’s room, the mother of two asked the boys how old they were and told them they were young enough to be her kids, according to the Pioneer Press. She started talking about “sex and stuff,” asking them how sexually active they were and then got into bed with two of the boys. Schadin then began sexual acts with two of the teens — while a third watched — and asked them to perform sexual acts on her. The two boys said they felt pressured and eventually told her she had to leave ***

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jury convicts Crumbley

A jury has found Jennifer Crumbley, the mother of Michigan school shooter Ethan Crumbley, guilty of involuntary manslaughter in connection with the shooting deaths of four students at Oxford High School in November 2021. Crumbley was found guilty of four counts of involuntary manslaughter in connection with the shooting, one for each victim: Madisyn Baldwin, 17; Tate Myre, 16; Justin Shilling, 17; and Hana St. Juliana, 14. The jury deliberated for roughly 11 hours, beginning on Monday morning. Sentencing is scheduled for April 9.*** The jury foreperson told an ABC News producer as she was walking to her car that the verdict "came down to the fact that Jennifer was the last adult with the gun."*** In a dayslong trial, prosecutors presented damning evidence of the Crumbley parents -- who bought their son the gun used in the shooting -- failing to respond to warning signs exhibited by the shooter prior to the attack. https://abcnews.go.com/US/jury-reaches-verdict-jennifer-crumbley-manslaughter-trial/story?id=106924349

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Is catphishing students bad? Should I not have done that?

CHARLES TOWN — The Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office announced Monday afternoon that local charges have now been filed against former Jefferson High School teacher Edgar Conn. Conn was arrested Saturday as a fugitive from justice, facing eight counts of sexual exploitation of a child in Cobb County, Georgia. On Monday, Jefferson County Sgt. Joe Forman obtained an arrest warrant for Conn, charging him with distribution and exhibiting of material depicting minors engaged in sexually explicit conduct (more than 50 images but less than 600 images); soliciting a minor via computer; and distribution and display to minor of obscene matter. A release issued by the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office shared that members of the Cobb County (Georgia) Police Department had communicated with Forman that a juvenile in their jurisdiction had sent sexually explicit and nude pictures to an adult who resides in Jefferson County. The release went on to say that the victim, later reported to be a 17-year-old-male, believed he was communicating with an adult female named “Megan” since November 2023. The Cobb County Police Department, through its investigation, determined that “Megan” was Conn. The release also shared that Forman, on Jan. 31, interviewed Conn, who admitted to pretending to be a female and communicating with a male subject from Georgia. In addition, the release indicated that Conn advised that he did send nude and sexually explicit pictures of a female that he located on the internet claiming to be that female. He also admitted to knowing the male was a 17-year-old when he sent and received nude and sexually explicit pictures.*** https://www.journal-news.net/journal-news/charges-filed-locally-against-former-jefferson-county-teacher/article_41cf6457-b40c-509b-a5ce-f8b85f23b23f.html

***Thurs

ALEXANDRIA, La.—Last week, a jury determined that Waylon Bailey’s constitutional rights had been violated and ordered the Rapides Parish Sheriff’s Office to pay $205,000 in compensatory and punitive damages. During the COVID-19 pandemic Waylon made a joke about the virus, zombies, and the sheriff’s department on Facebook. Hours later, a team of armed sheriff’s deputies, dressed in tactical gear, arrested Waylon. The charges were later dropped, but when Waylon sued the department and deputy responsible for the arrest, a federal court granted qualified immunity and dismissed the suit. Waylon’s trial attorneys at Bizer & DeReus teamed up with the Institute for Justice (IJ), a national public interest law firm, and appealed to the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals. After argument by IJ, the 5th Circuit reversed the dismissal, saying Waylon’s speech was protected by the First Amendment. This cleared the way for a jury to consider the case and award damages. “I feel vindicated that the jury agreed that my post was satire and that no reasonable police officer should have arrested me for my speech,” said Waylon Bailey. “This verdict is a clear signal that the government can’t just arrest someone because the officers didn’t like what they said. I’d like to thank my lawyers for their hard work and determination.”*** https://ij.org/press-release/jury-awards-waylon-bailey-205000-over-unconstitutional-arrest-for-his-facebook-joke/

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Kentucky says it's ok to molest a baby in diapers

***Maria "Mark" Childers, a transgender daycare worker in Kentucky, had been charged with one count of first-degree sexual abuse of a victim under 12 and three counts of first-degree criminal abuse of a child under 12. On January 29, 2024, Childers struck an agreement with prosecutors which included entering a guilty plea in exchange for his charge of first-degree sexual abuse of a victim under 12 to be amended to sexual misconduct, which is a Class A misdemeanor. The remaining abuse charges were also dropped, according to Reduxx.*** A colleague noticed Childers cleansing the infant's genitalia when she observed that the infant appeared distressed. Childers was then questioned as to whether he was inflicting pain on the infant. The colleague then observed Childers perform a "circular motion" while rubbing the infant's genitalia and said, "That was her clit area, and she likes it. It just made her day." Later on in the investigation, police learned that Childers had also been accused by other coworkers of neglecting the children for "hours" while they sat in high chairs.***

https://thepostmillennial.com/kentucky-trans-pedophile-receives-no-jail-time-after-pleading-guilty-to-sex-abuse-of-a-baby

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200 arrests? We might be starting to see a pattern.

A56-year-old Lynn man was sentenced to almost two decades in prison for invading a Boston home in broad daylight in October 2022, then strangling and sexually assaulting a woman in the house. Washington Pearson, 56, of Lynn, was found guilty on all charges and sentenced to 16 to 18 years in state prison the morning of Feb. 6, the office said. On Oct. 24, 2022, Pearson used a screwdriver to break into an apartment on the Arborway in Jamaica Plain where two women lived, the district attorney’s office said. One of the women was home at the time of the break-in and discovered Pearson in her living room. Pearson strangled the woman until she fell unconscious, and when she regained consciousness, she found that her pants and underwear were removed, the district attorney’s office said. He strangled her a second time and left her apartment after stealing her phone, her jewelry and some of her roommate’s belongings. The Lynn man has a criminal record going back to 1987 that includes nearly 200 entries, the district attorney’s office said. At the time of the attack, he was living in a residential reentry program in Boston’s Fenway neighborhood after his July release from prison.*** https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/washington-pearson-to-serve-nearly-20-years-for-boston-home-invasion-sexual-assault/ar-BB1hSDTf

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