#But she lives in a tinyyy home

[kimmiessimmies]

Bestseller (19/26)

Morgan felt practically buzzing after she met with Joshua. His story had given her so much to work with.

Especially the part where he said, "I felt more me", kept playing in her head. That could be such a powerful core to a story.

Jonah was with his dads this weekend, so Morgan immediately got to work upon arriving home. She started to map out the basic plot of her story and wrote down all the questions that popped into her head to ask Joshua when they'd meet again.

[cieloclercs]

𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 | joão félix

request by: @joaofelix101199 “where The reader discovers she is pregnant but does not know how to tell Joao.”

pairings: joão félix x reader warnings: pregnancy (obviously) mentions of morning sickness, probably incorrect depictions of an ultrasound, tinyyy bit of angst, fluff!!! word count: ~3k

IT TOOK THE symptoms practically being dangled in front of your face by a piece of string for you to finally realise. What you had originally brushed off as just a stomach bug turned out to be far more consequential than that; more than you could even comprehend when you first saw the results, staring back up at you from where you sat on the bathroom floor. You’d been watching a Netflix series when the thought first occurred to you – though now you can’t even remember what programme it was. You’d barely even been paying attention. Then one of the characters listing off all the symptoms, the symptoms you had been experiencing for weeks now, made your head snap up in alarm. It couldn’t be, could it? There was no way you could be pregnant…

But staring at the test in your hands now, the harsh reality of it all hit you like a truck. Positive. Two clear lines burned into your memory, so that every time you closed your eyes you could see them – as if they were taunting you. You were pregnant.

It should have been the happiest day of your life. Growing up, you’d always imagined it differently to this. You’d sprint out of the bathroom, tears overflowing with your eyes as you ran to your lover to wave the positive test under his nose. He’d laugh and tell you to slow down, because your excitement meant he couldn’t even see what you were showing him. Then he’d fall quiet. He’d stand there for a moment, blinking down at the two lines as if he thought with the next one they might disappear; trying to figure out if this was real or a dream. It’s real, you’d say. We’re having a baby.

It was supposed to be perfect. But instead you found yourself with your knees drawn up to your chest and your back against the bath tub, fighting to keep your breathing even. This wasn’t joy you were feeling – this was fear; fear of being given such a responsibility, such a duty to look after another human being inside you for nine months (and then for the rest of your life); fear of what it could mean for you and your future, which had been so carefully planned out until now. But most of all, fear of how the father was going to react.

It wasn’t as if you and João hadn’t talked about having children before. You’d been together for almost three years, sharing a home for two of them, so the conversation was bound to crop up at some point. His stance had always been the same. He wanted them in the future, but he was focussed on his career. You got the sense a baby would throw him for a loop he didn’t really need right now, especially given the uncertain nature of his current footballing life. Issues at Atlético had caused your lives to be thrown up in the air, as suddenly you were packing for London as João made the surprise loan move to Chelsea. Then, just as abruptly, you were due to be on the move again, bound for whatever club he would end up at next – which even he didn’t know at the moment. The situation was already difficult enough without throwing a baby into the mix.

God, would it ruin everything? You wondered anxiously. Everything we’ve worked so hard for?

For the first few days after finding out about your pregnancy, you kept quiet. João was in an especially good mood – he doted on you constantly, always wanting to be near so he could wrap an arm around your waist or press a soft kiss to your temple. You didn’t want to ruin his perfect, ignorant bliss. Instead of him accompanying you to your first ultra sound appointment, you took your best friend. You knew she wouldn’t tell him – she’d been your confidant for just as long as he’d been your boyfriend. But that didn’t mean she kept quiet about her opinions.

“You know he’d be thrilled, right?” she grumbled on the way to the appointment, and then again as they sat in the waiting room, “I don’t understand why you won’t just tell him. What’s he gonna do, kick you out? The man’s obsessed with you, he wouldn’t even last a day.”

You shot her a warning look which, for the moment, was enough to shut her up.

“So today we’ll just be performing an abdominal scan to confirm your pregnancy.” The doctor you’d booked for your ultrasound, a Doctor Hernandéz, you believe she said her name was, smiled warmly at you as you sat uncomfortably on the hospital bed, “And to check that everything is in order with the baby, of course. Don’t worry, it’s just standard procedure.” She assured you kindly at the brief look of panic that flashed across your face.

You relaxed a little bit when Doctor Hernandéz instructed you to lay down on the bed, and began to rub the ultrasound gel into your stomach. It was cold, but surprisingly soothing. You let yourself drift off with your thoughts as the machine next to you booted up. They all resided on João, unsurprisingly. How was he going to take the news? And perhaps even more importantly, how were you going to tell him? That was probably the thing that was worrying you the most, especially given that at the current moment, just thinking about it made you want to throw up. But then again, that could have just been the pregnancy symptoms talking.

You were wrenched out of your thoughts as the sound of steady beeping filled the room. It took you a moment to understand what it actually was – a heartbeat. Your baby’s heartbeat. Your head snapped upwards to stare at the screen of the ultrasound machine. And there it was. Almost indecipherable in black and white at first, but somehow you knew. It was your baby. You’d never seen anything more beautiful in your life, even if it looked like no more than a smudge on the screen. Your eyes welled up with tears.

“Good news!” Doctor Hernandéz exclaimed happily, “You have a strong, healthy baby. Congrats, mamá!”

Mamá. God, that sounded so good.

“Oh, mi amor, I’m so happy for you!” your best friend blubbered from her seat beside the hospital bed. It seemed she was even more emotional than you were, “You’re going to be the best mom, I know it.”

You giggled, before turning back to gaze fondly at the screen in front of you. This was the joy you’d always dreamed of feeling. In this moment, everything was perfect. You only wished João was here to experience it with you.

“No Mr Y/L/N with you today?” Doctor Hernandéz asked casually, smiling at both you and your best friend as she clutched on to your outstretched hand tightly.

“Uh, no.” you said nervously, “He doesn’t know yet. I wanted to be sure before I tell him.” you explained, “Oh, and it’s Mr Félix, actually.” You added as an afterthought. Beside you, your best friend was smirking.

Doctor Hernandéz nodded in understanding, “Well, if you want a way to tell him, I can get a picture of the ultrasound printed out for you?”

Your face lit up. You’d never agreed to something so fast in your life.

“So how are you going to do it?” your best friend asked as she drove you back to yours and João’s apartment.

“I was thinking maybe I’d put it in a box with the pregnancy test…and maybe some baby clothes?” you thought aloud, “But make it look pretty, you know. I could give it to him a couple of days before he goes on international break.”

Your best friend hummed. She seemed to be lost in thought, almost glaring at the road in front of her. Then, all of a sudden, the lines in her forehead cleared, and she let out a gasp so loud you jumped.

“I’ve got it! You could get a custom-made Portugal shirt – baby sized, obviously – with his number on the back, but change the name to daddy!” she exclaimed excitedly, practically bouncing around in the driver’s seat with all the energy her sudden revelation had given her. You looked to her with just as much excitement in your wide, shining eyes.

“You’re a genius.”

And so within a couple of days the plan was set. You’d managed to get the shirt order fast-tracked, luckily, and had somehow hidden it from João when the package arrived. Although having said that, he was used to your orders coming in at least every other week, so he didn’t even bat an eyelid. Unbeknownst to him, you were gathering both the items for your surprise and your courage whilst he remained as clueless as ever.

When the time came, just under a week before he was due to fly out with the Portugal team for Euros qualifiers, your nerves finally kicked in. You’d planned everything out to the nth degree, so you knew nothing could go wrong. Dinner was ready to serve, with all of his favourite foods, and your little box was tucked away in one of the unused drawers of your kitchen unit. You’d put everything you needed inside. It was the perfect plan. But still you couldn’t fight the urge to throw up – and it definitely wasn’t the morning sickness this time.

“You’re treating me well tonight, baby.” João said with a chuckle when you sat down for dinner, immediately taking your hand into his across the table, “What have I done to deserve this?”

His soothing words and soft voice relaxed you a little. But the uneasy feeling in your stomach never fully went away.

“Nothing in particular. Just wanted to treat you.” you trailed off for a moment, biting down anxiously on your lower lip, “I’ve got a surprise for you later.” You said, flashing him your best mysterious look. João sat up straighter, his eyes already widening in intrigue.

“What? A surprise? What is it –“

“Eat your food and then I’ll tell you.” you told him firmly, pushing down the urge to smile when he pouted, looking so adorable you just wanted to reach across the table and kiss every inch of his face. But that could wait until later. You had a job to do first.

João’s good mood continued all the way through dinner, and you could only pray it stayed that way for your announcement. He was always finding away to be near to you somehow, to touch you; a hand on your knee under the table, the other one laced with yours over it. He told you repeatedly how good the food was, not even bothering to wait until was mouth was empty, so you hand to swat his hand slightly and remind him of his manners. He’d simply shoot you a grin, the one he knew made you weak at the knees. It occurred to you then, if it hadn’t before, that there was no one else on earth you’d rather do this with. You may have dreamed of having a baby when you were younger, but you know now that you would never want it unless it was with João. He was your other half. You couldn’t quite believe it was actually happening – you were going to have a baby.

“Are you ok, amor?” João asked, noticing your glassy eyes as you zoned out, staring down at the table cloth. You offered him a weak smile and a nod. It was now or never. You couldn’t wait anymore.

“I think it’s time for your surprise.” you told him, voice wobbling ever so slightly. Though, if he noticed, he didn’t say anything, simply sitting up straighter in his seat with his ears all but pricked up in excitement.

When you stood up, giggling a little in spite of yourself at his giddiness, he made a move to follow you. A firm hand on his shoulder forced him back down into his seat again, and he pouted.

“Wait there and close your eyes.” you told him. His mouth opened to protest, but you shot him a deadly look, and he soon obeyed. Your hands shook as you walked slowly over to the cupboard. A small rush of relief surged through your body to see the box there, exactly where you had left it. This was it. No turning back now. Your mind played through every scenario you’d ever imagined of this moment, praying that the reality would outshine all of them. Before you knew it, you were pulling him to his feet and handing him the box. João’s eyes flew open. He looked down, brows furrowing in confusion.

“A box?” he murmured.

“Yes. Open it.” you told him impatiently. João’s eyes flickered briefly with amusement, before you saw them fall to the box, concentrating hard as he slowly lifted the lid. You watched intently, searching his pretty brown irises for the smallest flicker of emotion. At first, there was nothing. Then, flashes of confusion. They darted between each item inside the box, flitting over the shirt, with ‘Papai’ written on the back, to the ultrasound images, and then to the test. You bit your lip anxiously. This was the longest few seconds of your entire life, you thought.

Then, just when you could scarcely take it anymore, it finally clicked. João’s head snapped up to look at you so fast it was a wonder he didn’t give himself whiplash. His eyes were alight with emotion, and brimming with tears – joy, pride, a virtual myriad of anything and everything that you had ever hoped to see in him when he opened that box. Your own eyes soon began to overflow.

“Is this – Is this real?” he croaked. You brought a hand to your mouth to cover the sobs threatening to spill out, and nodded.

“We’re having a baby.” João whispered, so quietly you almost missed it. He stared down at the contents of the box in complete and utter awe. You watched as his finger traced the outline of the ultrasound picture tenderly. His eyes were wide and shining, and he kept blinking, as though he feared the imagine in front of him would disappear with the next one. Then his head snapped up again. Before you even knew what was happening, his arms were around you, lifting you up from the ground and spinning you in a circle. You shrieked loudly, holding onto his shoulders for dear life.

“We’re having a baby! We’re having a baby!” he repeated over and over again like a mantra. As soon as your feet touched the ground again, his lips were on yours, kissing you with a ferocity and desperation you’d never experienced before. Your hands found their home in his hair, and you smiled. Pulling away, your foreheads rested together. It was perfect, every single last second of it. You weren’t even sure why you’d been so afraid in the first place.

“How long have you known?” he asked in a murmur.

“Not long.” You whispered back, “About a week. Just long enough to organise this surprise.” you giggled, and he kissed you again.

“I love you.” João whispered. His lips strayed from yours, trailing down to your cheek, to your jaw, and then to your neck and finally, when he knelt on the floor, your stomach. He lifted your (his) hoodie up to reveal your bare skin. Your bump was currently non-existent, but he kissed where he imagined it to be anyway, murmuring something you couldn’t quite make out into it – to your baby. He was talking to your baby. The sight brought a fresh wave of tears flooding down your cheeks.

“Are you happy?” you asked him. João looked up through his eyelashes, damp from crying. He drew up to his full height, hands wandering from your hips to rest protectively over your stomach. He couldn’t stop looking down at it, his eyes constantly flickering between it and your face.

“Happy?” he laughed incredulously, “Y/N…this is the best day of my life.”

“Really?” you sniffled, smiling up at him in pure adoration. His expression mirrored yours.

“Are you joking?” he laughed again, “You’re carrying a little us inside you. How could this ever not be the best day of my life?”

You wiped the tears from your eyes, sniffling ever so slightly to try and stop yourself from crying again, “I thought you wanted to wait…until your career was more stable. I was so scared you wouldn’t want –“

“Amor.” João cut you off before you could continue, “This – you, and our baby – this matters so much more to me than my career ever has. If you asked me to right now, I’d give it all up, just to be with you two. I’d never play football again.” he told you, and he was so sincere, you had no choice but to believe it. João, your boyfriend, one of the best young footballers in the world, willing to give up everything at the drop of a hat, for you and the little human you were carrying. You didn’t even need the pregnancy hormones, he was making you blubber all by himself.

“Football’s temporary, but you and me –“ he reached up to cup your face in his hand, staring down at you with such tenderness as you’d never seen before, “– and our little angel,” his other hand rubbed circles over the skin of your stomach, “that’s forever. We’re forever.”

You knew he meant it too. You nuzzled your face into his palm, kissing it softly, as a contented smile settled on your lips.

“Promise?” you whisped.

He kissed you again. It was a vow: one that he’d never break.

“I promise.”

requests are open! don’t hesitate to send something in if you’d like!

[mappingthesky]

can u make a tiny tinyyy blurb of nymphia being carried by pj? 🥹 nymphia just looks so cute being carried in her recent ig story :"))) <<<33

behold: the nymphia being carried blurb (or: you can’t help but become the sun)

this is actually short and im actually half asleep so pls forgive me if it is choppy. perhaps i will come back and polish tomorrow… but probably not <3 love u thank u for reading <<3

It’s been one of those beautiful, bleary sort of summer days. 

They’d gotten up early, because Nymphia had her heart set on the beach, and Jane had promised. Truth be told, the beach wasn’t her thing; She’d rather be luxuriously lazy in the air-conditioned cool of her living room, or a movie theater, or taking aimless laps around the mall to people-watch and shit-talk. Nonetheless, Nymphia isn’t the kind of girl you say no to. Not even close. She’s the kind to make you appreciate the sun for making her jet hair shine a secret shade of brown, for making her eyes go the color of toasted caramel, for the way it kisses her skin and turns her to pure gold. The kind of girl who turns every aimless activity into an adventure, who takes the last thing you’d ever want to do and transforms it into the very thing you’ve been needing for the entirety of your life. How could you say no to a girl like that?

And so they’d packed up the car and driven the forty minutes there - Jane behind the wheel, and Nymphia leaning over to turn the volume up and kiss her cheek, teasing Jane lovingly for being so dishonestly grumpy and so secretly happy. Jane couldn’t even hide it, because she couldn’t imagine a better soundtrack to her summer than Nymphia’s spotify playlists, Nymphia’s singing along, Nymphia’s shrieking laugh and silly, sweet nothings. 

Side by side on beach towels in the sand, they lay on their bellies beneath the sun.  Jane gazed over at Nymphia - her long hair in a high ponytail, her old Hollywood sunglasses perched on her button nose, her delicate fingers working sunscreen into her skin. “What?” she’d asked as she brushed her fingers across Jane’s cheeks, having insisted that Jane needed more. Jane leaned in to kiss her, dotting her face with white. 

The day seemed never-ending. The sun was still high in the summer solstice sky when they’d trudged their way back to the car, Jane’s blonde hair already a shade lighter and her cheeks somehow still reddened. They were tired in the way that only the sun can make you - dazed and happily, desperately sleepy. The forty minutes back to town was decidedly quieter, as Nymphia had dozed off mere minutes after they’d gotten on the interstate. Jane looked over to where Nymphia slept with a gentle hum, smiled to herself, and leaned over to turn the radio down.

The white hot fever of the day had finally broken into dusk by the time they made it home. The sky was indigo blue when Jane pulled into the drive, and Nymphia still hadn’t stirred. She was quiet all while Jane turned the car off and got out, whining softly when Jane opened the passenger’s side door and tried to coax her from her sleep.

“Hi, my love,” Jane cooed, brushing the hair from her face with the sort of tenderness you reserve for someone not quite ready to be woken - soft, soothing, a little apologetic. “We’re home.”

Nymphia’s eyes opened with a wince. She groaned, well and truly worn-out, and let her eyes fall shut again. 

“C’mon sleeping beauty,” Jane tried again. “Let’s get you inside.”

It was no use. Nymphia shook her head, her lips pouty with sleep and eyes remaining closed as she mumbled a mere, “Can’t.”

“So, what?” Jane crossed her arms, going serious in the face of Nymphia’s silly. “You’re just gonna sleep in the driveway?”

Nymphia nodded, her face flush against the upholstery, eyes unopening. “Mm-hmm.”

“Okay. Have it your way.” Jane started to turn, reaching for the backseat when Nymphia stretched her arms out.

“No,” Jane groaned at the wordless demand. “Nymphia. C’mon.”

Nymphia’s bottom lip curled out, her eyes blinking open just long enough to work their magic. “Please.”

Jane tried, but her no’s were met with more pouts that shouldn’t be nearly as persuasive as they are. It's no use feigning indifference, because Jane’s heart isn’t in it. It’s no use, because they both know she’d do anything. It’s no use, because Nymphia’s not the kind of girl you say no to. Not even close. 

“Alright,” Jane sighs like she’d want it any other way. “Up.”

Nymphia brightens immediately, emitting a soft and bright squeal when Jane leans in and scoops her from the passenger's seat with relative ease. Her arms fly around Jane’s shoulders as she’s held to her chest, wholly and completely cared for. Nymphia tucks her face into Jane’s neck as she carries her up the driveway, smiling against her skin with blissful, sleepy satisfaction. 

“You’re so spoiled, you know that?” Jane says, and Nymphia can hear the shake to her head, can hear the smile she’s holding back. 

Nymphia wraps her arms a bit tighter around Jane’s neck, buries her face a bit deeper, imagines the closeness of their hearts as she hovers in Jane’s hold for a few more moments. “I know.”

[sysig]

Ma bought me a marimo ahhhhh

[ahwait-no-yes]

“Beautiful”

TW// ED?? Ish?? Just my experience and im not gonna self diagnose

(Read at your own risk!! I’d hate to trigger anyone hh)

i am looking away as i project instead of talk to people about it 

(Also Kaito and Kokichi are brothers but Ouma was adopted and uses his last name because he feels it’s still a part of him and yes they’re fine with it and yes he loves his parents and they love him) also me getting worse? more likely than you think —

= 

There’s a bit of progress.

Shuichi pushed his hand against his stomach, trying to flatten it as much as possible. He remembered reading somewhere that your lower stomach would never be perfectly flat, seeing as you had your intestines that were taller than you in there.

You probably can if you try hard enough.

Shuichi grimaced once he looked at his face, running his hand through his hair. When was the last time he showered? He probably should. He cupped his face, gently squishing his cheeks. His face looked slimmer than before.

This is good. This is progress. We won’t go too far, we just wanna loose a few pounds. There’s nothing wrong with that.

He softly smiled at his reflection, ignoring the slight shaking in his hands. He didn’t want to go too far. He heard that not eating can cause hair loss. He didn’t want that to happen, so he wouldn’t go to far.

You’re doing good. This is good.

Shuichi laid back down, gently rubbing his forehead. Were his hands always this shakey?

Probably. It’s nothing to worry about, you can still write and draw fine if you need to.

He frowned at the familiar feeling of discomfort, yet his stomach didn’t growl. Maybe his body was just adjusting. He remembered reading somewhere that not eating just makes you gain more weight.

Which, probably wasn’t true. You look skinnier when you don’t eat.

He pulled out his phone, typing a question into google.

How many calories should 18 year old boy eat?

2,400

He thought about it. He definitely didn’t eat that many. A hot pocket and instant ramen. How much was that? 

Hot pocket is 600 calories.

He looked it up.

371 calories.

Yeah, he’ll be fine. He feels fine. Shuichi looked at himself in the mirror, feeling panic wash over him. He didn’t look skinnier. Had he gained weight? He hadn’t weighed himself in a while. It was possible. He only ate two things. That wasn’t a lot.

Except that slice of cake was a lot.

Shuichi laid back down, curling up in a ball. He wrapped his fingers around his wrist. They could still touch. He sat back up, ignoring how he felt dizzy and how his vision darkened for a second. He pulled down his shirt collar, running his hand over his collar bone. It was more apparent now. Not all of his work had gone to waste. He wasn’t going to make himself throw up. He didn’t want to throw up and have to deal with the burning pain in his throat that would last for hours, or feel the lack of energy after it. When was the last time he drank water? He glanced at the half filled water bottle, grimacing. Water doesn’t have calories, but it would make his stomach more obvious. 

He wasn’t that thirsty anyway.

— 

Shuichi sat down with his friends, who were currently talking about getting together to study. He wasn’t really paying attention, his mind seemed a bit hazy. Not too much, luckily. When an ad of someone eating came up, he frowned.  It never made sense how people could just eat without worrying about what would happen. 

Maybe he was just a little scared of food. No big deal. The thought of eating just made him feel sick and scared.

“Hey, are you listening Shuichi?” Kaito suddenly asked, one of his eyebrows raised. Saihara sheepishly smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying?” “We all said that were gonna meet up this Saturday at 2 pm. Is that good?” Kaito asked, his usual confident smile on his face. “Yeah, I don’t have any plans,” Shuichi replied, tugging on a loose string. “Great! We’ll see you there!” —

This whole thing was a bad idea.

The five of them, consisting of Kaito, Kaede, Harukawa, and Ouma (including himself) were cramped into a small booth. Ouma kept throwing small bits of food at Kaito when he wasn’t looking, Kaede kept trying to stop Ouma, (though, he kept crying whenever she said anything about it) and Harukawa kept glaring at him from across the table. Shuichi didn’t have time to look over the food, (calories, really) so he just chose something that sounded good. It ended up being soup, which he was mostly fine with.

Mostly fine with.

Shuichi didn’t want to eat. He wasn’t hungry. He ate enough yesterday. “Hey, Saihara chan! You okay? You look like you swallowed a whole rock!” Kokichi chirped, an excited smile on his face. Shuichi just nodded, pulling at the loose hoodie he was wearing.

He’d be fine. It was just a bowl of soup. It’s not a big deal.

He just stirred the soup, trying to think of ways to quickly finish it.  The loud noise felt so overwhelming. He just wanted to leave. To go back home. “I’m gonna be right back,” Saihara abruptly stood up and left to the restroom. He just needed some time to think, to calm down. He quickly locked himself in a stall, leaning against the door. 

He felt so, so sick.

Saihara took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes. He was overreacting. If he didn’t eat, his friends would suspect something. He didn’t want to answer any questions about eating, so he’d have to eat. He shouldn’t be having to deal with this. He missed being able to eat and not think anything of it. He didn’t know when this started. It felt as if,

this,

had been going on for as long as he could remember. Shuichi rubbed away the tears that had managed to slip out. He shakily took a deep breath, (was it always this hard to do anything?) and opened the door. He didn’t say anything when he saw Ouma waiting at the entrance. “Heya Saihara chan!” Ouma walked up to the other, a soft smile on his face. “Uh, hey,” Saihara muttered, splashing his face with water. “Soo! You okay? You looked a tinyyy bit upset earlier!” “I’m fine, I just had a headache,” He murmured, the lie easily slipping off his tongue. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but not exactly the truth either. A half truth at the best. Kokichi hummed in acknowledgement. “So, are you gonna leave because of that nasty headache?” He asked innocently, tilting his head. Trying to find holes in his story. “Maybe, I don’t want it to get worse,” He replied. More lies, more half truths. Ouma just nodded, still staring at him. Shuichi finished washing his hands and quickly dried them off, shoving them into his pockets.

Was he always so cold?

“Well, uh, I’m gonna go home. Can you tell them why? I don’t wanna interrupt  them,” He looked away, fidgeting. Kokichi just nodded and placed his hands behind his head. “Sure thing Saihara chan!” — Shuichi was laying down, tears running down his face. Things were getting worse and worse, and he felt so helpless. He kept trying his best, sleepless nights studying and memorizing things he’d probably never have to use.

It didn’t matter anyway, it was never enough. He wasn’t enough.

Everything hurt. He hadn’t eaten for a while. He had two bites of egg, but it made him feel so nauseous and guilty he just threw the rest away when no body was looking. He was tired. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t do much other then watch the clock tick away, waiting for the day to be over.

A knock at the door.

Shuichi, of course, ignored it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, and didn’t want to deal with his heart feeling it was going to beat out of his chest and his vision blacking out for a a few seconds.

Though, he had gotten used to it.

The knocking continued. Shuichi groaned and stood up, grabbing onto his dresser so he wouldn’t fall. His vision took longer to clear up, and he still felt dizzy. 

It’s just an inconvenience. Don’t worry about it.

He stumbled over to the door, taking a second to rub his head in hopes it would clear up the dizziness.

Spoiler alert, it didn’t work

. He opened the door, staring at Ouma grinning up at him. “Hey Saihara chan!  Fancy seeing you here!” He exclaimed, eyes shining in excitement. “I live here,” Shuichi deadpanned, quietly sighing. “I know!” Kokichi chirped, gently pushing past Shuichi and walking in the house. “Uh, Ouma kun, why exactly are you here?” He asked, closing the door and following him. “Oh, you know,” He very helpfully replied, a nonchalant expression on his face. “But hey! Since I’m here, why don’t we do something fun!” He abruptly said, spinning around to face the other boy. “I don’t know, I’m kinda busy,” He replied, avoiding eye contact. “Busy with what?” Kokichi asked, getting closer to his face. Saihara backed away, looking uneasy. “With stuff,” he vaguely replied. Ouma sighed, grabbing his hand, only to let go a second later. “God Shumai, why’re you so cold?” He asked, pouting. Shuichi just muttered something, messing with the loose sleeves of his hoodie. It was quiet for a few seconds. Kokichi kept staring at Shuichi, trying to figure *something* out. Saihara kept shifting in place, feeling more and more panicked as the seconds passed. “We can watch a movie then!” Ouma suddenly exclaimed, a soft smile on his face again. Shuichi just nodded, nervously smiling back. “Do you have popcorn?” He asked. Shuichi just mumbled, “Yeah, probably.” After a few minutes, they put on a random movie and had a bowl of popcorn sitting in between them. Kokichi offered some every now and then, only for Shuichi to say no everytime.

He could just grab some.

“I’m gonna be right back, you don’t have to pause it,” Shuichi muttered, standing up. He still felt a bit dizzy, and standing definitely didn’t help. Kokichi just nodded, eyes glued to the screen. Shuichi locked himself in the bathroom and took a deep breath. It used to be he was hungry but didn’t eat. But now, the smell and thought of food made him feel nauseous.

You could eat and make yourself throw up.

He grimaced. It wouldn’t be difficult, really. He could just stick two fingers into his mouth until he threw up. He could. It’d be easy. It’d be no big deal. He shakily sighed, covering his face. He didn’t like throwing up. It hurt, and it made it even harder to breathe. It was also just gross. 

But it might make things a but easier. You don’t have to force yourself to throw up, but you can try. Like drinking a lot of water.

.

Yeah, he could do that.

After a few laboured deep breaths, he left the bathroom and sat back down on the couch. Kokichi continued the movie (though, he didn’t have to pause it,) and smiled at him. Shuichi smiled back, wrapping the blanket around them.

Why did he feel so scared? So sad? It didn’t make sense, he was fine right now.

“You ok Saihara chan?” Kokichi quietly asked, still staring at the screen.

He’s really not. He’s not. He’s not ok. He needs to talk to someone. Something’s wrong.

“Yeah, it’s nothing,” He murmured, taking a deep breath. Ouma just nodded and gently grabbed his hand, just loose enough so he could pull away if he wanted. Saihara squeezed his hand, trying to ground himself. He was

fine.

Ouma squeezed back, a small smile on his face. 

Is it really a white lie if you don’t think it’s a big deal?

—————

Hm - DA ☄️✨

✧༺♥༻∞

yyeah ouch I wish I could him a hug,, the line “He couldn’t do much other then watch the clock tick away, waiting for the day to be over.“ hit me very hard so that’s what I based this end doodle on (-JJ)

[iwouldratherbeabat]

Random question i dont know if you have pets but if you did or do would you let them on your bed or couch

Its actually my dogs house. I pay rent to live here.. she gives me the privilege of being able to sit on the sofa! And sometimes im allowed a TINYYY little space on the bed but it has to be on the outside so that if she wants to spread out across the ENTIRE BED its easy for her to kick me in the back and onto the floor.. or sometimes i have to let her just sleep on top of my legs so that I cannot move at all because she thinks its comfy.. and if I complain she huffs and puffs.. also if i have any dog friendly food im forced to share otherwise she threatens to kick me out. Im also forced to assist her with her daily walks.. but its fine because at least i have a home to stay in!!