#But reading it in normal book just feels awkward most of the time. I prefer fade to black

[redheadwitchbitch]

I think I might be converting to contemporary romantasy crowd. I want to dislike it, but I just don't.

Recommendations?

[shoutosbaeby]

THE LETHAL FACE CARD…?????

Anyway I think ppl liked the last one so I have some Shoto x female reader headcanons for u :D

The slightly nsfw ones are aged up headcanons so minors DNI !!!

SWEET/CUTE

- Gives the best comfort hugs. He’s warm on his left side as well so it just adds to it. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, he’s there.

- Loves giving you forehead kisses and pecks that go up from your collarbone to your jawline. He’d leave sweet marks on your neck sometimes. But he’d do it affectionately, you know?

- Isn’t good at cooking but if you’re ever on your period and you’re craving something, he’s go out and get it for you. (Might threaten Katsuki or Sato into making it but that’s a last resort) He would also reassure you constantly that he doesn’t mind and understands that periods are completely normal. He also uses his left hand as a heating pad for your belly if you ever get cramps <3

- He’s very accommodating. He’ll sleep on whichever side of the bed that you like, watch whatever shows or movies you want with you, play any video game you choose and read every single book recommendation you give him. He’ll adjust to whatever you prefer and doesn’t mind letting you choose most of the time.

- Not very affectionate through words. It actually takes him a really long time to say “I love you.” But it’s so obvious that he loves you just from everything he does for you. His love languages are acts or service and giving gifts !! He has your favorite things memorized.

- Very laid back and chill so he doesn’t get jealous most of the time. But he draws the line if someone touches you.

- He actually gives you a lot of attitude (that’s just who he is) but knows when to stop. If you have a bad day you won’t hear a single teasing word from him until you’re feeling better.

- Talking about bad days, he always makes them better. You could be exhausted and stressed out after a long day and Shoto would get you one of your favorite snacks and watch whatever show you want with you to make you feel better. Or he’d just hold you until you fall asleep.

- During winter, you sleep on his left and during summer you sleep on his right.

- Loves to see you in his clothes because they look so huge on you and he finds it adorable.

ANGSTY/SAD

- Sometimes he has days where a trauma response will take over and he wouldn’t like it when people touch him. It lasts a few days and only happens when he gets stressed out or his PTSD reacts badly to something. But even if he doesn’t want to be touched, your presence comforts him more than anything.

- When he has nightmares, he’ll wrap his arms around you from behind and stay awake for the rest of the night. You’re the only thing that keeps him grounded during that time.

- Whenever you both argue, he’s terrified that he’ll do something. Even though he would never do anything like his father did. He’s scared that he’ll end up that way and ends up avoiding you sometimes because of that thought. But some communication and a few hugs can always solve the issue <3

SLIGHTLY NSFW (Aged up Shoto and I’m keeping it short because idk how to write stuff like this.)

- Covers you in hickeys. Absolutely loves seeing you marked up after a long night.

- Clever with his fingers.

- Very few words are spoken, but he gets things done for sure.

- The best aftercare in the world.

- Doesn’t have the highest drive, but it goes up when he starts. (Ifykwim)

- Will make sure to absolutely wreck you every single time <33

THAT WAS SO AWKWARD TO WRITE I NEED TO IMPROVE AT THIS 😭😭😭

Anyways hope u liked -3-

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hi!! How do you think potential meet cutes with Jason would go? Do you think he’d be instantly smitten? He strikes me as the type to get a crush on you since the first meeting but maybe I’m just delusional 🥰

My honest opinion but I don’t think Jason likes smut books. He doesn’t mind a little bit of smut but would much prefer if it was nonexistent or didn’t take up a ridiculous amount of pages/chapters in the book in general.

I’m also a delusional twat anon who believes Jason would feel something upon first meetings, but firstly I have to heavily disclose that most of your run ins with one another would be in a book store/cafe, at least more so then anywhere else. (Book reader Jason supremacy!)

So to say that your interest was peaked upon first spotted a six foot something, beast of a man standing in front of the romance section, holding two different books -which were both written by the Jane Austen- in each hand was an understatement.

Normally you wouldn’t expect a man like Jason in the romance section of a small, quite but quaint bookstore/cafe, withholding an internal conflict over some books in his head as though his life depended on it. However the fact still stands that you deeply appreciate a man with good taste in his personal readings, and wasn’t afraid to indulge in the romance genre.

It probably also didn’t help that he was a conventionally attractive man with short dark hair with a tuft of white embedded in his fringe and wearing a simple read hoodie and jeans, a simple attire that anyone could wear, but on him he made it seem as though it were a main staple of his wardrobe.

Jason, knowing when he’s being watched, as quick to look over his shoulder but what he wasn’t expecting was to see someone as cute and stunning as you standing there. He’s a little tongue tied but that was mainly from surprise, and for all of Jason’s hard attempts of trying to act natural, it only made for a spectacle that you couldn’t help but view as endearing and kinda cute.

‘You alright there?’ You’d ask with a smile.

‘Yeah. I’m good, fine even.’ Jason replied, internally cursing himself for being caught off guard because he was too involved in debating which book to take home to read.

‘So…You like Jane Austen?’ You asked, trying to make room for a conversation to occur between the two of you.

‘Wha-‘ Jason looks down at the books in either of his hands and chuckles. ‘Yeah, she’s one of my favourite alongside the likes of Mary Shelley and Louisa May Alcott.’ He answers and he could tell that he had gotten your approval with the little hum of acknowledgment.

‘Do you come here often?’ You then said before adding with an awkward laugh of your own, ‘I mean I come here quite frequently as it’s the only bookstore in town that has proper books that aren’t smut books, and i have never seen you before until well…today.’ Jason smiles, finding himself growing to like you with every passing moment as he felt himself grow relaxed within your presence, especially now that he had long deducted that you weren’t a real threat.

‘I’m with you on that pretence, it’s seems that nowadays all the bookshelves in most stores are prominently smut books of lacklustre quality and story structure.’ Jason agreed, noting being a fan of those types of books himself, Jason had found it becoming increasingly difficult to find decent books that weren’t smut, badly written girl boss self inserts, or just poorly written in general. So when he stumbled across this little book store on his way home and took a chance by entering the store, only to find himself spending way longer than he had initially thought.

And that was just in the romance section alone. That’s how Jason knew this bookstore was unlike all the rest in Gotham.

‘But as to answer your question, I come here on the off chance when I’m looking for a new book to read, seeing as I have read and re-read the books in my personal possession multiple times over.’ Jason admitted and feeling a little bashful but reading had proven to be a form of escapism for him- especially after everything he has been through recently- he felt as though this escape from reality was severely overdue.

‘You’ve got your own collection of books? Am I allowed to assume that they’re mainly Jane Austen’s body of work or?’ You trailed off, feeling yourself growing more confident with talking to Jason as though it was as easy as breathing. Finally you had someone to indulge in this sort of conversation with without it feeling forced and fall to the wayside, leaving you both to soak in the awkward and stifling aftermath.

Jason smiled genuinely as he bowed his head and raised his hands. ‘You got me down to a science…’ he trailed off once realising that he didn’t know your name and cursed himself for his lack of even the basic of etiquette.

‘Y/n.’ You told him with a smile.

‘Y/n.’ He tested out your name, letting it linger for a little bit and quickly came to the conclusion that he liked it. He liked it a lot. And you liked it also, especially when he was the one saying it the way he did just now.

‘Well it’s nice to meet you y/n. My names Jason.’ Jason then said and he knew that he’d come to like the way you said his name as though it were a mythical word;

‘Jason.’ You uttered, saying every word with care and respect that it left a weird feeling within Jason’s chest that only seems to grow and spread throughout his body the more you talked.

You two would talk for literal hours about your favourite book genres, characters and so on to the point that the owner of the bookstore would have to remove you both from the premises himself. He’d then proceed to go on about how you both were just taking the piss at this point and muttering about having to stay an while longer to properly close up shop, count the cash float, and so on before then making the journey home.

He honestly didn’t care about the books in Jason’s hand, just lets him have them for free on the pretence that both he and you get the fuck out before shutting and locking the door behind you both.

‘Well…’ Jason trailed off, tucking the books under his arm. ‘Will I see you again? Preferably here?’ He asks and you smiled sheepishly.

‘Depends, will you?’ You countered and Jason could feel the smile on his lips grow at it’s own accord. ‘Yeah, I’m definitely coming back if I get free books for every time I stay until closing hours.’ He jokes and you lightly smack his bicep, keeping your hand there for an unreasonably long time but it’s not like either you or Jason cared in that moment.

‘Then I guess I’m obligated to come back here to help you piss off the bookstore owner.’ You replied with a smile of your own as you both kept looking into the other’s eyes. You both knew something had blossomed here today at this run down bookstore, and you both hoped that it could continue like that for a long while, but neither of you were willing to admit your embarrassingly rapidly growing attraction to one another. That could wait for another time.

‘Great.’ Jason said.

‘Great.’ You echoed. ‘See you soon I guess.’

‘Soon can’t come fast enough.’ Jason replied ask you both went your separate ways with eager anticipation of your next interaction.

[sephifrog]

(NSFW) MINORS PLEASE DNI

First soldiers and general nsfw

Sephiroth

He has a sensitive chest and loves when you put your hands on it, warm or cold it doesn’t matter as long as their gentle and your looking up at him he folds.

Tugging his hair-if you tug his hair expect a growl that turns into a chuckle as he pulls you closer

He’s quiet other then the occasional groan or growl

He heals quickly so when you leave your marks on him he wants you to bite as deep as you can so he can keep them longer

Virgin™️ no one can tell me otherwise

Researched virgin however - he’s read books when he can, their hidden somewhere outside his apartment because he doesn’t want anyone to see (he knows Hojo’s put bugs in his apartment he just can’t find them)

Speaking of bugs he refuses to let you over until he knows for sure his apartment is safe

So midnight rendezvous ensue

Going back to books for a sec I feel he has a guilty pleasure for romance - and smut he learns most of his moves from those books and even if you can tell you don’t say anything because he looks awkward and adorable

He first kiss with you wasn’t magical like in all his books, he was clumsy and on guard not wanting anyone to ruin this moment, he actually knocked his teeth against yours but the second one was much better

He wants to have a normal life and you make him feel like a normal person, not treating him as some god or hero just another person and he appreciates that

The first sexual encounter you two have was you riding his thigh

He cums a lot, it’s thick and usually fills you until you leak

Tastes bitter but the right amount of bitter it’s not overpowering

Genesis

Praise this man, he may have an ego but it works in your favour

Also likes hair tugging

Honestly feel like Genesis is the most freaky out of the trio- it’s the red leather that gives it away/j

Bet he would have nipple piercings if he was allowed

And a cock piercing

But anyway

His neck is super sensitive and unlike sephiroth he’s loud, especially if you get embarrassed

Moans and panting would fill the room

He prefers leaving marks on you but doesn’t mind if you litter his thighs and chest with marks

He’s not a virgin but he’s also not as experienced as he lets on feel he’s been with two or three partners

He may be a freak but he’s not afraid to be soft and vulnerable with you if your a long time partner

Likes being pampered

Hero complex- definitely into master and dom stuff

He cums a lot less then sephiroth but it’s still quite a bit

He tastes sweet and salty

Angeal

Lovely man, home maker his thighs are his most sensitive area scrape your nails against them and he’s a goner

Not into hair pulling he’s softer then the other two- more vanilla

King of aftercare, the other two do it but I feel Angeal is just better at it focuses more on you then himself (not to say the other two are selfish or anything he just seems the type to pamper his partner)

Honestly I don’t see him with a high sex drive like he would enjoy it and never say no to you (unless really not in the mood) but he rarely seeks it out

When he does it’s usually after a mission or after training the adrenaline spiking it

A secret romantic more modest then Genesis though

Would take you to a secluded area to watch the sunset/rise

Always walks closer to the road so he can protect you

He cums the least out of the three and unless prompted won’t fill you up

It tastes salty and he doesn’t mind if you can’t swallow

I also feel all three of them would have stronger breeding instincts after a mako injection- they all have breeding kinks- I don’t make the rules

I believe all soldiers have a breeding kink they just get stronger the more mako you get

[am-i-interrupting]

NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

She may go get water but normally, she’s just going to want cuddles

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Of her own, probably her hands. Of yours, your shoulders. She’ll dig her nails into them, place her lips and many bruises on them. She just likes to hold them no matter what you’re doing.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

She is a messy one. She loves getting it on herself. Be it from your dick or your vagina. She’s a fan of facials or you ejaculating onto her in any form, but she also loves to stick her fingers into your wetness after you’ve come and slather her fingers in the milky white liquid. Fascinated with how it spreads between her fingers.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Look at her book collection. You’ll find all of them.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

She’s had few lovers in her past several hundred years. It’s been a while since she’s had one before you so, um, she might need a refresher course but then she’s good to go.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

She loves to sit in your lap. Be it with her back or her chest against your own, she doesn’t really care. She just likes the feeling of being engulfed.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

She would be very serious at the start of your relationship but as time goes on, her more playful side would begin to appear.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

She is meticulous about how she does everything else in her life and her grooming is no exception. I feel like she barely lets it grow out.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

She may fumbled a bit. Mostly due to her own awkwardness and self doubt but she absolutely is a romantic. It just makes her more endearing.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When she’s reading, she can get worked up and sometimes she doesn’t want to bother you. Okay, most of the time because she’s honestly embarrassed that words on a page did this to her. So she’ll jerk off as she’s reading, copying the movements in the book and imagining the two of you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breath play and temperature play.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Any place in her home that is out in the open. She does enjoy the risqué aspect of it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Her books. Also just you. Existing. She’s been pent up for a long time.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

If it involves any real risk of people seeing her. She may like to you with the idea of getting caught but she would be mortified if you actually did.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

She prefers receiving. She’s very sensitive. However, she is amazing at giving.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It honestly depends. Look at the description of her current read and you’ll probably be able to figure out what type of mood she’s in even if it isn’t a smut or romance book.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Yes. Honestly, at the beginning of your relationship that’s probably what most of your sex life was. As she was testing the waters at least. She became more open to longer sessions after the quick ones taught her what you like. Still, they come around from time to time.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

She is very open to experiment.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

For herself? Probably seven. Which may seem like a lot but she is prone to multiple orgasms back to back provided the right stimulation.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Once again, yes. She was by herself for a long time. Of course she’s going to have toys. She used them on herself and she’s more than happy to use some on you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh, she can absolutely be a tease. It’s more so a matter of, when push comes to shove can she keep up with what she’s given?

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

She is loud. She’s also a gasper and whimperer. So, less loud and more vocal.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

She is a fan of objectification for herself. Sometimes she’s so stressed, she just wants to be used like a doll. She has had fantasies of such with nameless people just using her as they please. She doesn’t think they’d ever happen due to how much her image has to be upheld but maybe she could be convinced if you suggested a certain traveler to be the other person in the room.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

She has a fairly short inside. Depending on how long your fingers are, there’s a chance you could reach her cervix. However, she is just the right amount of loose to be messy and tight to suck you in.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

She could stay up for hours afterwards or mere minutes. It’s more so dependent on how much sleep she got the night before.

[doll-elvis]

PRISCILLA (2023)

~ my thoughts as an elvis fan

(credit to @urpinkstargirl for the photo)

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD:

so I saw it last night and I’ve been stewing on it ever since as I wanted to be 100% sure in myself before saying this publicly

**brace yourselves**

After just one viewing… I feel confident in saying that I preferred this film over “Elvis” 2022 🤧. It was just so immersive and so deeply intimate that I walked away from the theater feeling like I had just lived a life with Elvis, and experienced all the ugly and wonderful things that came with it

I am seeing it again tonight and possibly tomorrow just to recapture that feeling (which made me cry… three times…)

And although I’m not the biggest fan of Sofia Coppola, there is simply no denying that she has perfected showing “girlhood” in film, and making the most unique experiences, like being Marie Antoinette and being Priscilla Presley, somehow universal to everybody. I haven’t felt being “14��� since I was 14, which was a whole 5 years ago, but WHEW… I most definitely felt 14 again when watching Priscilla navigate life in Germany

Also- we all saw how Austin Butler was completely cheated out of an Oscar and so I’m begging that we do not do that again. Give the Oscar to Cailee Spaeny (who played Priscilla) right now 😤 There are no words besides “immaculate” to describe her performance. Her future is so bright as an actress, I just cannot wait to follow her career + she just seems like the sweetest person ever??

And I know it might seem insane to say that I preferred “Priscilla” over “Elvis” and some of y’all might crucify me for that take but my preference solely comes down to the fact that I appreciate Priscilla’s perspective much more so than the Colonel’s, who to me, has always been the least interesting aspect of Elvis’ story

My biggest gripe with having the Colonel narrative/tell Elvis’ life in the 2022 film is the fact that it made the film feel rather impersonal to Elvis as I don’t think the script or the storytelling ever fully allowed for Austin Butler to explore what he was like beyond the stage

And personally speaking, I have a much deeper love for Elvis the person as opposed to Elvis the performer, and I think that “Priscilla” showed the human side of him far more than “Elvis” ever did (like y’all we actually get to hear and see him reading his philosophy books in this!!!)

But before I get into what was actually depicted in film, and all my praises, I thought I would briefly state what I thought could have been done better. Don’t get me wrong, this movie was beyond amazing, however, it was definitely not without its’ faults:

1. If you have seen a lot of reviewers talk negatively about the pacing in this film- just know that they are unfortunately, completely right in that assessment. The whole timeline of Germany felt literally five minutes long, and the 70s also, felt maybe 10 minutes long which just made both the beginning and end feel rather rushed. Also there were at least 5 scenes that just faded to black before going onto the next one, and some very abrupt cuts in scenes which felt a bit awkward

2. Because this is a biopic, and because it’s based on a real life, there is no climax like you would be accustomed to normally in a film and so I think that the average viewer, like someone who may not really care about Priscilla or Elvis, will probably walk away from the film feeling unsatisfied- possibly bored. I saw it with my mom and my sister, and my mom was asleep in like 45 minutes 😭. The movie definitely got repetitive at some points but I acknowledge the fact that life is repetitive, especially for Priscilla in the 60s while Elvis was off making movies

3. While Priscilla (played by Cailee Spaeny) aged realistically and seamlessly, Elvis (played by Jacob Elordi) was essentially the same person (physically) for 95% percent of the film. For some reason, his hair was already dyed black in the Germany scenes, although we know it was brown at that time, and so there was no real transformation for him until Lisa Marie is born. The height of the actor was definitely jarring at first but eventually I got used to it…however…I damn near busted out laughing when they showed him in the Comeback special outfit 💀 His performance was nothing but incredible (ESPECIALLY THE VOICE) and so I learned to get over the physical disparities rather quickly

4. The ending of this film, particularly the song, was overwhelmingly sad and impactful but I was really disappointed that we didn’t get to see Priscilla’s and Elvis’ relationship after the divorce. This film ends with Priscilla leaving Graceland, starting her “new life”, which didn’t make much sense to me considering this movie was adapted from her book, which very much explores that part of her life, especially with Elvis

I would have really love to seen moments like this from Priscilla’s perspective ⬇️

excerpt from “Priscilla, Elvis and me” (avoid this book)

5. NO CIRCLE G RANCH!!! It is borderline criminal to make a film about Priscilla and Elvis and to not include their time spent at Circle G ranch ** which Priscilla has always said were their happiest times together **. I assume that this was likely an issue because of the budget and the fact that they only had 30 days to film but god… I would have really appreciated some of the domestic bliss that Priscilla and Elvis shared while living in the trailer on the ranch. There were many happy moments/sequences (y’all are going to die when you see the rollerblading/go cart scenes) in this movie, but I think their gradual separation/withdrawal from one another (post marriage) would have hit harder if we saw how happy they were together during their ranch phase

6. For those who have read “Elvis and Me”, we all know about the famed LSD scene that takes place and unfortunately, Coppola heavily missed the mark on it. We don’t see Lamar Fike making out with a tree, we don’t see Jerry Schilling in a closet- instead we see Priscilla and Elvis just kind of rolling around, laughing amongst themselves while the room around them turns different colors

There were definitely many key moments/stories like that missing from the film, and I honestly wish that the movie was an hour longer so that we could have seen the book more fully fleshed out

Lastly, here’s just a general synopsis of the scenes in Germany… I was going to do the whole movie but I don’t have the stamina to type it all out 😭. If y’all want to know something specific please feel free to comment below and I will let you know <3!!

After the beginning credits are shown, the film starts with Currie Grant (who was renamed as Terry West) approaching Priscilla in a diner, inviting her to a party at Elvis’ house. After talking with her parents and assuring them that Priscilla will be looked after by him and his wife, it cuts to her in the back of a car, on her way to meet Elvis. The scene is exactly like how it is in the book, Elvis asks her how old she is, he remarks that she is “just a baby” and so on- Elvis then plays “a Whole lotta shakin” at the piano and that is one of three musical performances we see from him

Priscilla is then re-invited by Currie aka Terry via Elvis to comeback to the house again. Elvis invites Priscilla up to his room, she looks around and sees letters from Anita Wood, and a poster of Bridgette Bardot just like in the book. After Elvis talks about Gladys and how he is still reeling over her death, and how lonely he has felt since then, they share their first kiss to the song “Crimson and Clovers”

There are some scenes of Priscilla at school and some scenes of her sort of convincing her parents to let her continue to see Elvis. And they do agree, but just like in the book, they want to meet him first. Elvis is questioned by Priscilla’s father on why he wants to be with her to which Elvis replies that she is very mature for her age and that he likes talking to her since she is from home aka the United States. He then assures Priscilla’s father that she will be taken care of. After that we see them going to the movies where Elvis expresses how much he wants to be a serious actor, and then they share another kiss on the car ride home. It then cuts to Christmas time where we see Elvis giving Priscilla a watch and then BOOM- Elvis and her are on the way to the airport where they say their final goodbyes as he leaves for the United States

The film really does follow closely to the book (at least from 59’ when they meet to 69’- again the 70s were really rushed) and so I really recommended to read that prior to watching the movie

As for the more sensitive scenes-

There is no explicit sex, no graphic nudity, and no scene where Elvis forces himself upon Priscilla. He does say “this is how a real man makes love to his woman” but all he does is kiss her before she pushes him off. There is a rather long “polaroid-taking” sequence where it shows all the outfits that Elvis would Priscilla dress up in but other than that, we only see Elvis and Priscilla make out

And it did show when Elvis accidentally hit Priscilla in the eye during the pillow fight scene in her book, along with the scene of him throwing a chair in her general direction after she expressed she didn’t like a demo of one his songs, and the scene where he grabs all her clothes from the closet and tells her that she should go visit her parents. I don’t think that the scenes made Elvis look abusive: Coppola was surprisingly nuanced in showing that he had reasons for his sometimes bad temperament i.e the pills he took along with the fact that he was frustrated with his film career

It also shows Elvis’ infidelities but really only through movie magazines that Priscilla sees. So it’s never explicitly shown, I would say it’s more hinted at than anything

And there are two scenes of Priscilla with Mike Stone but again, nothing that is explicitly shown, it’s just hinted at

Finally, to finish this up, this is what I wrote on my Instagram account which I very much stand by ⬇️

Just please give this movie a chance y’all, it was so beautiful and so sensitively done… I cannot wait to watch it again <3

[malum-forev]

Reputation: Endgame

*

Summary: Bucky is sooo Reputation coded so, here's Endgame by Taylor Swift (Bucky's Version)

Previous: ...Ready For It?

The quinjet was quiet, nothing more than the constant sound of the engine. Neither you nor Bucky hadn’t spoken a word since you left the country you were hiding in but, it didn’t feel awkward. 

You’d heard he was a man of a few words and you were used to being in silence. Since fleeing the Red Room, you’d been traveling alone. Solo travel takes a whole new meaning when you’re hiding from the world and from your past. 

“You’re a hard person to find.” Bucky broke the silence. 

“I know.” Your simple response made Bucky scoff. He was mid eyeroll when you turned to him. “Is there a problem?”

He shook his head. “Not a problem, just a- let’s call it a full circle moment.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Your jaw slacked. 

“Most of the times when I get mission reports, the target is very vague. Hair color, ethnicity, age range, a picture if I’m lucky but with you, I got a full manuscript. Off the record obviously because there is no actual record of you anywhere.” A whisper of a smug smile hovered over Bucky’s lips. “I don’t usually pay attention to what is written of people because it’s usually bullshit but with you, they’ve got you down to a T.”

 Bucky has the audacity to shrug his shoulders! Like it was the most casual thing ever. The man you met barely an hour ago, who by the way has the worst reputation ever, thinks he can read you like a book.

“Is that right?” Your molars grinded together. “What did they warn you about?”

“Egocentric, narcissistic, selfish,”

Bucky was ready to keep spilling more kind words about you but you interrupted. “Glad to know Natasha thinks highly of me.”

“Just to name a few.” Bucky’s eyes were set forward, the right side of his lips curved upwards. “Big reputation.”

Now you scoffed. “You and me, buddy. We got big reputations.” 

His playful expression hardened, like you had poked a side of him that immediately lifted the iron gates. 

“Now’s not the time to get serious. You heard all of my worst qualities and you still decided to come on this rescue mission. You have to be a special kind of messed up to do that.” You laughed. “You heard about me so, you know I’ve got some big enemies but I know you’re on the same boat as myself.”

Your light tone was chipping away at the ice. He’d frozen, no pun intended, that part of himself a long time ago. When he was ‘normal’ (a term Dr. Raynor had told him time and time again he shouldn’t use) he loved to banter. It was his preferred method of flirtation and just conversation in general. But now, he truly felt like a fish out of water. The times had completely changed and he felt like sometimes he had to process information on a first-generation computer when the people around him were living in a world he’d only seen on TV. 

“If only the people who are out to get us knew we were in the same plane,” Bucky said. “We’d be a big conversation.”

The plane fell silent again, the comfortable void caressed your shoulders. Like a whisper of something you’d never felt before suddenly became familiar. 

“It’s not true, you know.” Bucky cleared his throat. “What they say about me. Most of what they say I did isn’t true. My reputation, it doesn’t precede me.” 

“Well, I heard you once took down a whole Hydra base with only one gun and a couple of knives.” You nudged on. “And that was after the Winter Soldier.” 

“I actually did that with only knives.” He turned to look at you with a smile. 

You don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone look more beautiful smiling. He tugged his lower lips in between his pearly whites and the sides of his eyes crinkled. He threw his head back and a bubbling laughter invaded his body. It was a little bit hoarse, like he was out of practice. 

How long had it been since he’d laughed? You wondered.

 “That’s not true.” He said once he came back, shaking his head. “The media loves to twist the narrative. They needed a bad boy on the team and I just happened to be the closest thing they could find.”

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from laughing because never in your whole life did you think you would hear The Winter Soldier refer to himself as a ‘bad boy’.

“That’s what they like.” He shrugged his shoulders. 

Your eyes roamed his body. From his short brunet hair to his beautiful blue eyes that shone like the night sky you saw in the windshield. Down to his short scruffy beard that made you want to run your hands against it. Feel the rough texture, touch him. To his muscular arms, you could see the definition through his thin shirt, the sleeves had been bunched up near his elbow revealing his forearms. Veiny and thick making you want to-

You snapped your head forward, forcing yourself to concentrate on the sky in front of you. You cannot think about him like this. This is just a mission. Nothing more. That means no touching an no thinking because those two things only lead to missing him, hurting him, or worse, becoming another ex-love. 

You’re not trying to play, you’re trying to get to Natasha and work. 

Your cold shift made Bucky rethink your entire conversation. Had he said something to upset you? Did he go over the line? Were his thoughts true or are they his past issues coming back? He’s got chips on both his shoulders and it shows. There he goes again with the negative self-talk. 

Sometimes Bucky wished he could shut his brain off, find the master switch and go to bed. Some days it was easier to manage than others and he’d found a way to ignore it, it was easier this way. But the days where it was harder to ease, those were true battles. His flaws, paranoia and insecurities lurked in the back of his mind like monsters in the closet. 

He’s made mistakes and made some very bad choices, that’s hard to deny but sometimes he wishes he could just forget. But with a reputation as big as his, it’s hard to get a clean slate.

The quinjet started its descent into the Avengers compound, the white building in your sights. As you got closer the plane felt bumpier, the wind was not in your favor and the landing was getting complicated. You snaked your hand on the center console at the same time as Bucky, effectively placing your hands on top of his. You felt a sudden jolt of energy that eased your nerves as your skin touched his but it was taken away far too soon. 

Your throat felt dry and you tried to push any sign of nervousness deep into that rarely visited vault in your brain. You tried to forget the feeling but you couldn’t. 

You went through a dark cloud and the rest of the landing was smooth. Your body ached from the long flight and the only thing you wanted was to get off. It had nothing to do with you wanting to get as far away from Bucky as you could, nothing to do with the strange reaction your body had to him. 

Bucky lead you through the compound, the tall walls and windows made you feel more isolated than ever. Sure, you’d been alone for a long time but here it felt like the loneliness seeped into your bones. 

“You’re safe here.” Bucky said, just above a whisper, leading you down a long corridor into the kitchen. “You don’t need to feel scared.”

You opened your mouth to respond but nothing came out. 

Bucky opened the refrigerator and pulled something out, taking it to the microwave. Bucky rested both of his hands on the edge of the kitchen island. 

“I don’t feel scared.” You finally got out, straightening your back. 

Bucky’s blue eyes softened. “I’m just saying it’s okay if you do. I know I felt that way when I got here. When you’re on the run, you’ve got nothing to lose. You’re used to the feeling of independence but here, you feel watched. Scrutinized.”

Your eyes widened at his words. Did he have the ability to look into your soul? It was the only possible answer. He was calling your bluff on all your usual tricks like it was nothing. 

You bit your bottom lip, debating whether you should open yourself to him, you were sure it had turned deep red now. 

“I usually am always the first to know everything. I always know what happens next and I plan for everything. Even when missions are over and I’ve buried hatchets, I keep maps of where I put them just in case.” You said with a laugh to try and mask the truth you spoke. “But this, Nat sending you to find me, I never expected this. I just- don’t know what happens next.” 

“I guess your reputation precedes you.” Bucky said with a smile, taking the food out of the microwave. Your nostrils flooded with the delicious scent of your favorite meal. He pushed the container towards you, slapping on a post it note from Natasha. Welcome home. It said. “They told me you’re crazy.”

A true smile ripped through you.

“I swear I don’t love the drama.” You promised. “It loves me.”

The two of you ate directly from the container, too exhausted to take plates out. Conversation died down and the silence came back. Only a few hums here and there and some stolen glances. His eyes were like liquor, tempting you and his body like gold, wanting to bring you in. You focused back on your food, wanting to erase the handprint he left on your soul from the second you saw him first, only a few hours ago. 

Author's Note: Hi hiiii I hope you guys like this second part!! If you do, you know the drill, please comment reblog and like! As always my asks are always open &lt;3

tagged: @kpopgirlbtssvt @shara-ne @namelesssaviour

*Any gifs posted are not my own and I give the artist full credit.

[thetruthaboutplastic]

I really liked what Nanette has written here, but also thought I would use this post to address something else as well today

I do follow politics and what is going on in the world, but tend not to talk about it here. I feel like we are becoming so divided but at the same time I do also sometimes feel if I don’t speak out that might make me complicit 😢 I have watched ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’, I’ve read about ‘Project 2025’ and I’ve long had an interest in history. I’ve studied Apartheid in South Africa and the Civil Rights movement, likewise I try to stay informed and on the right side when it comes to LGBTQ rights and the war on many of the things that have needed to be fought for for so many years. I’m a Brit, so I wasn’t as clued up on figures like Ruth Bader-Ginsberg before her passing as I should have been. I’ve tried to educate myself more on the sexism and misogyny, sometimes even enshrined in law, that was happening for centuries (it wasn’t that long ago that women could not even open bank accounts or get mortgages in their own name and isn’t it crazy that in my grandparents generation segregation was still happening). The Department of Education in the US is being dismantled and that book I mentioned above (The Handmaid’s Tale) has been banned in some states. Reproductive rights are being infringed on as well as the creeping racism some seem to want to normalise or act like it’s not a big deal.

I’m trying to be a better person and stand up for what’s right but I do slip up too. If I post someone who doesn’t align with my (admittedly liberal) values that is one thing, but if I post someone who has supported or themselves voiced racist or otherwise prejudiced ideas feel free to point this out to me.

I made a decision not to post about Elon Musk not that long ago after his N*zi salute, and as I already said at the time I could have maybe given him the benefit of the doubt and dismissed it as ‘just’ an awkward or weird gesture if it weren’t for his support of extreme right figures, including a far right party in Germany with N*zi roots. Likewise, I can’t support or post models who are like that too. I found out not that long ago that Tila Tequila, from many years ago, has embraced anti-Jewish ideas and aligned herself with Neo-N*zis (even more bizarre considering her own background). There is one current busty ‘model’ I saw post the most disgusting things about Muslims and Palestinians and was calling for them to be ‘resettled’ ie talking about *ethnic cleansing* - something clearly against international law and basic human decency. Seriously wtf. We can disagree about politics, but if you’e saying things like that you’re a 💩 Likewise, supporting discrimination against Jews or Israelis would be 100% out of order. What is wrong with advocating for equal rights

This might not normally be a serious blog, but remember knowledge is power and I really do believe there are mire good people out there than bad. As I said, we might not always agree on things but the right intentions and striving to make the world better - not worse - is what’s important. Shouldn’t be judging those who aren’t hurting anyone, or imposing our preferences and what suits us on others, let alone stealing their land or taking away their rights.

If there are typos in this post please forgive me 😉 Was written a bit haphazardly . I just wanted to get my points across xx

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #24 – When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb

I tossed this on my TBR entirely sight-unseen at the start of the year, entirely on the basis that I was trying to expand my horizons a bit and it showed up on my public library’s ‘staff recs’ page with zero context whatsoever (also just an absolutely lovely title). This was, as it transpires, not a particularly good way to choose a book I’ll particularly enjoy – which is entirely on me, to be clear. It’s a well-executed and often charming story, and if it was a novella I would probably thoroughly enjoyed it. At 400 pages though, I’m just so incredibly and entirely not the target audience.

The story is a historical fantasy set during the tail end of the 19th century, principally about the angel and demon who call a minuscule shtetl in the Pale of Settlement (so small it doesn’t even have a name) home. Neither is a particularly impressive example of the type, and they have largely spent the previous centuries arguing over scripture with each other. After hearing that one of the girls of the schetl who had left for America might be in danger, they take it upon themselves to travel first to Hamburg and then to New York to rescue her. Along the way they make a friend, discover who they really are, and become trade union activists.

So this is shelved by both my library and Goodreads as YA, but it’s feels very much written for the young side of young adult – just generally very much read like a children’s story. A good one! But still – the narrative voice and the portrayal of the world felt like something more suited to 6th -7th graders than 16-17-year olds, I suppose? Though I might be projecting off my own childhood tastes here. There’s even a ten-page glossary of difficult or unusual vocabulary at the back. So all to say that really getting into a critique here based on my own preferences would just be a waste of time for everyone involved.

That said, this is actually one of the first YA books I’ve read that feels like it meets the whole stereotype of YA being written with Providing Good Representation as a key guiding principle throughout the process. Not in any didactic or lecturing way, but the three main characters are a nonbinary angel with a recurring beat of feeling awkward and uncomfortable whenever its dress/presentation/forged papers cause it to be treated as a man, a demon with obviously inhuman feet that make walking in shoes very painful and are a recurring inconvenience, and a teenage lesbian whose whole arc centres around figuring out why she felt so hurt and betrayed when her childhood BFF fell in love with a guy instead of emigrating to America with her and spending their lives together (also all but like 2 characters of any consequence in the entire book are Jewish, as just follows naturally from the whole premise). It all feels written with an eye towards taking prospective readers by the hand and assuring them that their feelings are normal and not something to agonize over. It’s all well-done and fairly graceful – and, like, such things are a large part of what children’s books are for – but was just amusing to finally see an example of the stereotype.

I actually did quite like the narrative voice and general style, though. It had very sort of storybook or folkloric sensibility to it, seemed exceptionally well written for reading out loud to someone before bed. Which fit very well with the very casual don’t-worry-about-it inclusion of the supernatural and its place in the world.

The book was honestly most interesting to me as a window into this whole rich cultural mythology of Ashkenazi emigrants leaving behind the Pale of Settlement and seeking new lives in New York/the USA. A mythology I am aware of but have only the most surface-level actual familiarity with (to whit ‘There are no cats in America’ and not much else). It’s always, I guess fun?, to read someone referencing and playing around with what are clearly stock characters and tropes but which are entirely new to you. The whole book at least felt very well-researched and absolutely drenched in little touches to ground in the specific place, time, and cultural milieu.

So yeah. Competent, well-executed book I really probably shouldn’t have bothered with.

[the-scrappy-stinger]

The last line just makes me realize something big and it makes perfect sense

I have this code of reading: Reading a 1000 bad books till I get to a good one

I feel like a lot follow this code similarly, like they read a lot in order to weed out the bad stuff and keep the good stuff, kinda like gardening

But doing so can be unproductive and ineffective cuz it can take up their times and money, not to mention the different personal preferences, I have certain preferences that might make it difficult to find one good book

Yeah a lot of people think some of us are being mean bitches cuz we "have problems with conventionally beautiful sexy characters", honey watching porn is sometimes more self respecting than whatever smutty shit this is, okay gooner content isn't bad and it's not bad we want GOOD gooner content, at least make the sex believable, else I could've just go watch porn if these people can't fuck right. Yes that's basically how I see it and I have no shame about it, ppl either overly glorify sex (make it seem sexy and good while it's not) or underhanded it (Literally what you said about dubcon)

But I barely see any normalized having sex smut, bruh it's like the most basic thing, it's not that bad, even being awkward and shy about it is good if it's recognized well, I'm fine if it's described as toxic, the important thing is that the narrative accepts it as it is, not these "Crimes are cute" bullcraps, writers these days are so weak to recognize their stories have flaws so they try to act like it's perfectly flawless which ofc ended up extremely pretentious (Like our dear boy, Oishinbo-san)

I guess after a long time sampling different kinds of fiction and building up my taste of fiction and a fictional browsing alarm: Basically I saw certain cues that this story is really going the same old stupid route I hate so I basically just leave, not wasting time, I even picked up a artist that feels like they're super into huge age gap problematic and GLORIFY it, no one is gonna hate you if you like that disgusting trope of hentai if you know the real thing is worse and not to be endorsed

A friend told me a long while ago about someone they met who kept pushing for a grossly romanticized relationship between an adult and a kid trope agenda and acts like it's the best thing in fantasy but when my friend told that someone there's a book that actually writes their ship realistically, they look disgusted at my friend for mentioning that, as though the reality is ruining their fantasy and they're not the one who's literally endorsing pdfile here

We basically realized that apparently the only way to talk about problematic stuff is to romanticize it and honestly A BIG LOW, I'm just saying I'm in no higher moral ground to judge anyone for their gross tastes but like at times they really do confuse reality and fiction so much, giving them a taste of reality can make them hate you, a bad trend these days and y'know I think we should keep that coming, some of these idiots really don't know shit about reality and sometimes they might make real mistakes that can majorly harm themselves and their lives, probably why almost every famous ppl on the internet is being exposed for being a groomer

I guess it depends on what your benchmark is for content that can turn you off. It's not like AO3 where it's all tagged, either, so sometimes you're just rolling along and the Ick hits you like the truck that hit the protagonist before they reincarnated as Princess Flugledegoogle de Bunkersteengrad. With me specifically it's princes/kings/dukes/whatever that bully the female lead until she agrees to sex with them, and the book treats it as romantic.

Like, sometimes I gotta remember that the target demo for some of these books is teenage human kids that have crushes on older teachers or whatever, so the huge age gap thing isn't problematic FOR THEM like it would be for me. But SPECIFICALLY the romantic eye towards being pushed into a relationship you don't want? THAT creeps me out even worse, because that's WAY more normalized than a 20 year age gap.

[kateneedscuddles]

A Peek into My Brain 🧠

~Story time~

Someone once told me that, “the reason why most of us suffer is because we have been doomed to be a prison of flesh and bone that confines the soul; and the only time we are aware of this tragedy is when the scream of the captive resonates with the one let out by the captor.”

Obviously, I was a little surprised (cause the only time when he says anything remotely profound is when he has not slept in 2 days). After processing all that (aka punching him), I’m still not able to shake this weird feeling.

It kinda makes sense, but at the same time, I don't want it to.

Anyways, those are the kind of idiots that I usually hang out with so if I ever end up writing something along those lines, it's going to be cause of a random 3am conversation about life and death.

It's not gonna be because I'm feeling sad or depressed.

Nor because of the constant contemplation on what the meaning of life is, and how the lack of any such meaning increases the appeal of becoming a lifeless entity.

So

.

.

.

A fun fact about me is that I am good at convincing people into believing my lies. I like to talk about normal things and 'dark' things, like murder, death, and conspiracy to take over the world; and I love dark humor. I'm not a big fan of horror movies, but I wouldn't mind dressing up like 'the nun' for a harmless prank.

A good song would brighten my day, even if the entire day was filled with negatives. Similar results can be achieved by reading a manga with a happy ending or watching a movie that doesn't make me cry at the end of it or just talking about random nonsense for a while.

I'm a romantic at heart who values honesty. If I get the slightest clue that I'm being deceived, I will write you off in a second. In a conversation, I'd rather be the listener than the talker. If you ever need someone to just sit with you and listen to you for hours on end, then I'm your gal. The only time when I would happily be the talker is when I feel like filling any awkward silences. I don't really know why I do it, but I'd say some of the most bizarre things just to keep the conversation going.

I have a TBR list that's a mile long, but the only thing I read these days is a research article. The worst part is that the former brings me happiness (if the author was a nice person and didn't kill any of the characters) and the latter just makes me want to claw my eyes out 90% of the times. As for the remaining 10%, I would usually end up liking the topic and the methods used to get to the conclusion and then search for a few more articles that are linked or used as references for that one. I'm also working towards becoming a polyglot.

As much as I love to take charge of my life and do the best that I can every day, I would kill to just be free of it all for a day. Just one day wherein I'm not worried about anything, and all I must do is relax, drink a piña colada, and stare into nothingness. I might read a book, buy a book, or watch a movie adaptation of a book. But the one thing I wouldn't stop doing is relaxing.

In this space, I would be posting something original . There might be some instances wherein I might end up reblogging all the things that I found to be cute, interesting, amazing, or fascinating, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. There will be some NSFW posts as well, which would be labeled as such, but I would still prefer it if you wouldn't follow me if you weren't 18+. Any blogs that don't have an age specified in the description will be blocked.

I would love to use this space to connect with people who could help me with my journey to become a polyglot. In order to do that, I would be occasionally posting things that I would be writing in the language that I'm learning, so please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm not sure if this is enough/TMI to be considered as a good intro, but I'm gonna stop here. Asks are open, in case you feel like talking or asking something. You can DM me as well. Just please be respectful and not outright rude. If you do that, you will be blocked.

For everyone who has stumbled across my page, I hope you have a good day! And if you're planning to stick around for a while, then it's nice to virtually meet you!

[spicybylerpolls]

the discussion about how to write good sex is my catnip.

responding to previous anon, i had a few thoughts:

as moderator mentioned before, a lot of fanfic is by people who don't have actual experience with sex (gay or otherwise re byler), so it's probably drawn from porn even more than it is from their own personal fantasy. the age people first interact with porn, and therefore think that's an accurate portrayal of sex, is getting younger and younger what with internet access. but most porn is performance.

obviously people can enjoy performative aspects of sex, but esp re: mike and will or characters having sex for the first time, behaving performatively is less likely to be a genuine preference and more likely to be out of obligation - such as women thinking they need to be loud, men thinking they need to be silent/last a long time.

however, for mike and will, who likely have never seen audiovisual pornography, they just wouldnt know to use these words like 'baby' etc., and even if mike had sneaked one of ted's VHS tapes (eww), then he would likely be so awkward the first time that he would forget - ESPECIALLY around his lifelong best friend! so sex would instead be intuitive for them. which leads me to think that...

fanfic writers don't want to portray awkward sex because it's, apparently, 'unsexy'. now you can see what a paradox this is, but 'sexy' means something very specific to different people, often based on pop culture role models and ideals (phoebe cates anyone?). writers don't feel comfortable engaging with the reality of sex (rather than performative, idealistic sex) because it can be oddly... normal. mundane. sex can be average, bad, not at all the big deal its made out to be. this does one of two things:

ONE, it makes sex into something easy and accessible, and there are many institutions who don't want you to realise this, because it means they either lose money or lose control (not to get too political), and TWO, it does the opposite: it means that good sex becomes something intimidating and hard to reach, and puts people off when all they want is a bit of cheap release. because good sex, spiritually magnificent sex between people with a real connection and who are in love, is genuinely rare irl. and this is why seeing fictional characters find this connection is so cathartic.

so yeah, many fanfic writers who dont have irl experience are flexing a muscle, but they probably don't trust themselves or their audience enough to follow their instincts and write sex as they ACTUALLY would enjoy or want it to be - probably because they don't even know what they want.

it's a famous stereotype with males, that they are visually stimulated and don't have a highly vivid imagination (the visual stimulation part is rooted in truth, whereas typically females are more about emotional connection, originating with the need to nest and make a safe home). This is why pornography is so popular amongst men. I've even read published books that mention men who aren't visually stimulated during sex, and i'm like this female author clearly has done zero research lol.

Second anon was right about sex being somewhat separate from our real lives - see ideas like 'heat of passion' and 'haze' and 'fog' used in sexual contexts - which explains clumsiness, lovesickness, and blacking out during orgasm. (This, as well as the euphoria and relaxation that healthy sex can provide, solo or partnered, makes it genuine self-care, which is why it's such a shame that so many think it's harmful or embarrassing.) We DO disengage from reality somewhat during sex, as parts of the brain shut down, which means personality can change and become more animalistic if there is true abandonment. again many people never reach this level of trust irl, so perhaps extreme wildness in fanfic is a way of living vicariously.

but that said, fanfic is still storytelling, and readers want to see these specific characters in a sexual scenario, so i think the writer has a duty to be in service to those characters and find a way to make it believable, even if said characters do get a little wild. finding this balance is good writing - so maybe i'm just lamenting the lack of good craftsmanship in fanfic. honestly, the reason is probably because most great writers are out there creating their own original material, which is considered a much more worthwhile thing to do if you have a passion for storytelling (even though fanfic can teach you a lot about writing).

as for sex in movies, its a fascinating topic esp if you look into the history of intimacy co-ordination, which only recently became industry standard. in the past, many directors simply said 'you know what to do' to the actors. this had pros and cons: on the upside, it allowed for improvisation, realism, and the actors to take creative control, which performers from past generations/with classical theatre backgrounds thrived on; on the downside, it meant women especially could be taken advantage of or lose control in a scene, and that it was essentially the actors having simulated sex rather than the characters, which you can understand is problematic. (that said, there always will be an element of similarity between actor and character considering it's the same physical person. actors shouldn't be in the business if they aren't comfortable with this fact, and its up to them to control how different their performance is from their true self).

in film, camera angle, tone, context, EVERYTHING is essential for getting a sex scene right. i haven't seen many that hit the spot of respectful, hot af AND narratively appropriate, esp in gay sex scenes. Call me by your name was up there, but then that got a load of bad press for various other reasons.

I personally am praying they get byler right if they do it, though with the amount of things involved (including the edit/post production), it will be a miracle if everything comes together well.

lastly (thanks if youve made it this far!!), in my experience, written sex that i enjoy the most in published books does the following:

makes creative use of wording that is context- and era-appropriate (e.g. 'prick' instead of 'cock' or 'dick', or just implicit descriptions)

cuts away from the action in a way that doesn't feel frustrating but rather that you don't even need to read what they actually did

focuses on the emotional meaning of sex within the story

asks 'why' over and over - what does sex add to the character?

in short, smut itself will always be smut, and very hard to make narratively appropriate because it exists to make people horny lol. i assume this is where people start getting uncomfortable with byler in this conext, because the line between narratively explorative sex and simple porn can be a fine one, and a subjective one too. as a writer, i think it all comes with practise, and, as with sex irl, discovering what you actually like.

loving this discourse anon, more please!

very fascinating points! detailed and thorough! much to chew on.

[sugarmapl]

bubble (cytham)

another repost from ao3 while the site is down!!

Summary:

Someone makes a pass at the General Mahamatra. Alhaitham doesn’t know why it bothers him more than it should.

{Fluff and humor, feelings realization - rated T}

—

One comment was enough to make Alhaitham annoyed. Two was enough to severely grate on his nerves. By the third comment, Alhaitham had enough.

The evening had started innocently enough. Alhaitham was meeting his friends(?), colleagues(?), acquaintances(?), at their usual after-work hangout spot. How exactly this had come to be routine for them, he had no idea. Though he’s sure Kaveh was behind it.

Regardless, he had gotten to the bar slightly earlier than the others for a change. Typically, his work as Acting Grand Sage kept him at the Akademiya until the late hours of the night, and he was usually the last of their little group to arrive. Cyno was often similar, his job as the General Mahamatra granting him little down time.

However, the General had actually taken a rare day off, so he arrived not long after Alhaitham. The two of them sat at their usual table while waiting for Kaveh and Tighnari to show up. The forest ranger had to come all the way from Avidya Forest, and who knows what Kaveh was up to at this hour. Not to mention the architect had a terrible sense of time, often disrupting Alhaitham in the middle of the night with his senseless construction projects.

And so, Alhaitham and Cyno sat in relative silence for a while. Rather than being awkward, it was actually quite comfortable. Personally, Alhaitham preferred the quiet to idle chit-chat, and Cyno appeared to be much of the same mind. At the moment, the General was shuffling through his Genius Invocation TCG deck, likely preparing to play a few rounds once the others arrived.

Alhaitham merely read a book that he had brought with him for these exact kinds of situations. It was a rather interesting in-depth analysis of puzzle-based pressure mechanisms and how they related to the ancient runes of the desert. It was penned by a respected Akademiya scholar by the name of Faruzan, and Alhaitham had to admit that her work was indeed intriguing.

However intriguing it might have been, though, it didn’t stop Alhaitham from glancing up to catch a glimpse of the General Mahamatra every few moments. Normally, he didn’t consider himself someone who was focused on outward appearances, but today seemed to be the exception.

Since the General Mahamatra refrained from working that day, he was dressed a bit more casually than how one might be used to seeing him. Cyno’s typical outfit was covered by his signature black cloak, and his headpiece was noticeably absent. In fact, the General had his long, white hair tied up into a ponytail, but his messy, short bangs still loosely framed his face. It was… pretty.

He likely wore that particular hairstyle because of the harsh heat that had battered Sumeru that day. Alhaitham wondered if he wore it that way often when he was home alone after work. Due to his hair being tied up, even more emphasis was placed upon the black choker creeping out from under Cyno’s cloak, wrapped deliciously tight around his smooth, tanned neck.

Alhaitham once again found his gaze lingering there for a bit too long. He quickly snapped out of it, clearing his throat and turning back to his book. Cyno continued to admire his cards, quite proud of the deck he had come up with, completely oblivious to the various stares he was getting. It seemed the General’s current appearance had peaked more than just Alhaitham’s interest. That’s when they heard the first remark.

“Hey sweetheart, can I buy you a drink?” a man called from his seat at the bartop.

Immediately, Alhaitham felt his mood shift for the worse. This guy really had the nerve to refer to the General Mahamatra with such a condescending term? Although, it was unlikely this man knew Cyno’s true identity, but still. Alhaitham wasn’t the most well-versed in social situations, but wasn’t calling out to someone in that way at least considered rude?

Cyno, on the other hand, didn’t appear to realize that he was the one being addressed at all initially. He was so focused on his cards that it took him a moment before he looked up in confusion. The guy at the bar was smiling at him, but the sleaziness of the offer was written all over his face. Once he understood what had happened, it only took Cyno a second to utter a quick “No thanks.” before turning back to his deck.

The man seemed put-off by the blunt rejection, frowning slightly but otherwise saying nothing. Alhaitham was even more displeased. He shouldn’t be bothered by such a trivial thing. Cyno himself wasn’t even worked up about it, so why did it annoy Alhaitham so much? Whatever. If Cyno was going to be polite and unbothered about it, he supposed he would let it go for now as well.

He turned back to his book, and the comfortable silence from before overtook their table. It was nice, being in their own little bubble like this. Too bad it was popped once again not much later. Apparently, the guy had yet to take the hint, and after stewing in the rejection for a bit, decided to try again.

“Come on, princess, don’t be such a killjoy. Join me for a drink, and I promise I can show you a good time.”

Cyno sighed with mild irritation, but otherwise remained calm. He put his cards down before turning to face the man fully.

“Perhaps I wasn’t clear enough. I have no intention of joining you, so you may continue to enjoy the evening alone,” he responded before turning away again.

Even when dealing with such a rude dickhead, the General Mahamatra had remained calm and composed. Alhaitham, on the other hand, was internally seething, though he wasn’t sure why. The grip on his book was getting tighter and tighter, the pages wrinkling slightly under his fingers. The guy should’ve been getting under Cyno’s skin, not Alhaitham’s. Besides, it wasn’t like the General couldn’t handle himself. But every time the man opened his mouth, it made the scribe’s blood boil.

It seemed that the man at the bar was also unhappy, though for an entirely different reason. He had just been rejected not once, but twice, and pretty publicly at that. Not to mention, Cyno’s last response had included a little dig at the man, which likely bruised the guy’s ego. In retaliation, the man began turning to the patrons beside him and complaining loudly.

“Stuck up bitch. Thinks just ‘cause he’s got a pretty face, he’s hot shit. Pffft. I can find garbage like him on any street corner, probably with a tighter hole, too. Bet his is all worn out, damn slut.”

Alhaitham had to snap his book shut to keep from tearing out the pages. Or worse, hurling it at the guy’s head. Cyno was just sitting there like he hadn’t heard a thing, though there’s no way he missed it with the way the man was practically yelling. The scribe was never one to resort to violence, but even he was at his breaking point. Clearly, the civilized way wasn’t working.

“You’re not going to do anything?” Alhaitham couldn’t help but ask.

It was unlike him to get so emotional, and it was clearly seeping into his voice the way it came out strained. Thankfully, Cyno didn’t comment on it, instead thinking about his question seriously.

“What could I do? He’s probably drunk,” he answered.

“Inebriation is hardly an excuse for causing a commotion in public,” Alhaitham countered bitterly.

“True, but it would also be quite unbecoming of the General Mahamatra to engage in a petty bar fight,” Cyno reasoned.

“Petty? I would hardly call the insults being hurled your way a petty reason,” the other scoffed.

Cyno didn’t say anything for a moment, staring at Alhaitham with such intensity it made the scribe a little uneasy. His deep crimson eyes were probing his expression for something, and Alhaitham wondered what kind of face he must be making to warrant this level of attention.

“Does it bother you?” Cyno finally asked.

“Of course.”

Alhaitham had answered without thinking, the response slipping past his lips before he had time to catch it. Cyno latched onto it quickly, perking up slightly despite the horrible man still shouting disgusting things about him in the background.

“Why?”

The Acting Grand Sage wasn’t sure how to respond to that, because he didn’t even know the answer himself. Why did he care so much? Obviously, to an outsider, the pair could be considered friends, but Alhaitham had never referred to them as such. In fact, he often vehemently denied it during their usual meetups.

He had no need for friends. They only brought distractions, and clutter, and noise, if Kaveh was anything to go by. Did he feel that he and Cyno were now friends? Had they somehow developed their relationship to that point without Alhaitham realizing? No, the word “friends” didn’t sound quite right after all.

Though, it was true that he never really found himself becoming annoyed with Cyno the way he would with the others. He didn’t mind bumping into the General Mahamatra at the Akademiya, either. He also didn’t mind spending time with Cyno despite his preference for solitude, like the way they had been sitting in comfortable silence up until it was disrupted by outside forces. They were both quiet, and he enjoyed simply basking in the other’s presence while they each did their own thing. Plus, the General Mahamatra wasn't bad to look at…

Wait…

There’s no way. How had he not realized something so obvious sooner? Was Alhaitham so out of touch with his own feelings that he had allowed something as juvenile as a crush to sneak up on him? Oh no, this was bad. It had already evolved way past familiar territory. This was uncharted waters now. Since when had indifference towards Cyno grown into like, and then into caring? He didn’t even dare to think beyond that.

Subconsciously, he felt his face heat up just a tiny bit at the realization before he quickly schooled his expression. Cyno had been staring at him all the while, and Alhaitham noticed there was now a slight smirk where there was once neutrality. Still, Alhaitham being Alhaitham, he couldn’t make the conclusion of his musings obvious.

“I just think that it’s grating on the ears to listen to such idiocy. He should count himself lucky that the Akademiya does not consider stupidity a crime,” he finally answered.

“Right,” Cyno agreed, still smirking. “Though it is a shame, I am actually quite thirsty. Too bad no one less stupid has offered me a drink.”

Alhaitham cleared his throat slightly before standing up. “I was actually about to fetch myself something anyway. I suppose I could grab you one as well, if you’d like.”

“How generous. I’ll have to accept.”

Alhaitham went to grab them some drinks from the bar. However, as he ordered, he leaned in a little bit closer to whisper something to the barkeep, who nodded. Soon after, some matra arrived and quickly escorted the drunken man out of the bar for “disturbing the peace”. Cyno shot Alhaitham a knowing look from across the table, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he took a long sip out of the drink that was bought for him by the scribe.

The two fell back into their comfortable bubble. Only this time, they were engaged in a game of Genius Invocation TCG. Though hardly any words were exchanged, the General Mahamatra and the Acting Grand Sage were content. If they greatly enjoyed the time together before their other two companions arrived, no one had to know.

[annisefreya]

February Reading

In February I mostly just finished stuff that I started last month, so maybe this whole idea of monthly roundups is a little bit doomed because I'm not reading as much as I used to. But I'm gonna stick with it for now! 

This month I finished three books.

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez

This was really interesting and had a really unique style... I think that if I could have had a few days to just absorb it rather than reading it piecemeal over more than a month I'd have liked it even more. As it was I did really enjoy it... It has some really effective villains and some absolutely fascinating world-building. I also normally find framing mechanisms really contrived and awkward and make me feel removed from the story... But this book did something really interesting with it that made me tip my metaphorical hat. It had a satisfying ending to the plot but didn't quite do what I wanted with the characters, though I know that's entirely personal preference. Definitely an interesting and worthwhile read. 

Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks

As I said last time, this was one I read because I was intrigued by it when it was an A level English set text and a bunch of my friends were reading it. Now *cough* years later, I'm mostly glad I read it, but I didn't love it. The final war section was very effective, and the pointlessness of most of the war narrative does mirror the pointlessness of the war. The 1970s narrative just annoyed me. I could however write an essay about its themes and narrative parallels and shit if I needed to, so it was probably a good A Level text.

Raven Stratagem by Yoon Ha Lee

Loved this. Not as much as I loved Ninefox Gambit, but nearly. I loved the world-building and all the calendrical nonsense (affectionate). I loved the mystery surrounding Jedao and what he's up to, even if I did mostly call the reveals... It was effective because of how the other characters with less of that knowledge related to it rather than as a mystery to the reader. I adored the Shuos hexarch, Mikodez, and his unnamed but textually referenced ADHD and his sweet tooth and his onion plant and his knitting, and his absolutely ruthless devotion to his job. He was my favourite, but I really loved the other characters too, Khiruev and Brezan were excellent, in particular... It was fascinating reading how they navigated their world. And as someone who plays with something a tiny bit like formation instinct in my own novel, I really loved the way that in particular was explored. 

I am nearly finished with: 

The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling 

I would have finished but I'm subject to the vagaries of a 6yo, and sometimes he decides to draw or read by himself. One story left in the book. I liked the Mowgli stories, but 8 think my favourite is the story Riki Riki Tavi about the snake-hunting mongoose.

And I have also been reading: 

Star Wars: Dark Apprentice by Kevin J Anderson

When I was a star wars hyperfixated teen I was reading through the EU books that my brother owned... When he was getting rid of a bunch a few years back he offered them to me. There were over two hundred and I'm not hyperfixated on star wars any more so I only kept 20 of what my husband declared were the best (with the caveat that my brother kept the very best ones--ie the Timothy Zahn books). I read the first in this trilogy last year, and I'm now about two thirds through this one. It's fun and all, but I roll my eyes so hard at the OCs sometimes. Jacen and Jaina have just escaped to Coruscant's under city at the tender age of 2.5 and they are supposed to be precocious, but they are the least realistic toddlers I've ever read and it's stopping me from really caring about them because I know they're going to be fully plot armoured.

Jade War by Fonda Lee

I only just started this... the first chapter was excellent, but I'm obviously not far enough in to really say much more than that. I loved Jade City, so I'm expecting to enjoy this one too.

[buttercup-art]

From the OC questions!

[21] When they’re sick, would they want others to visit them, or they would rather prefer not to be seen at not their best?

[37] How would they spend a lazy day when they have nothing specific to do?

[55] How long does it take for them to make a new place feel like home, and what do they need for it?

Thank you so much for asking these! I had a lot of fun with them!

[21] When they’re sick, would they want others to visit them, or they would rather prefer not to be seen at not their best?

Noa prefers to be left alone whenever she's sick. She's usually seen at her best; strong, confident, perfect. And here she is, weak and pathetic! (at least in her eyes). Her hair is messy, she didn't bother to get dressed out of her pajamas because she was way too tired, and she's leaking snot everywhere. Why the hell would she want people to see her like that?

However, if someone does decide to visit Noa, despite her strictly telling them not to (looking at you, Hugo-), not only is she going to be angry, she's going to feel incredibly embarrassed. She might even try to hide herself from them the best she can (like hiding under a blanket while saying "Don't look at me, I'm disgusting!" She looks fine, of course. She's just being dramatic because she feels gross lol).

But if they refuse to leave, she'll (begrudgingly) let them keep her company (especially if she secretly enjoys it, hint hint). Not so much let them take care of her, though. She can do that herself.

[37] How would they spend a lazy day when they have nothing specific to do?

If she has a day when she has nothing specific to do (and she rarely does. She's a pretty busy woman), she usually spends it painting!

While she is a rather logical and analytical person, she does enjoy the finer things in life, art being among them. Though, her art focuses a lot more on technique and realism, rather than self expression. (Think Roman art. A study of anatomy and the human form).

It's also one of the only times where she's seen 'dressed down' (but not really? She still makes an effort to look sleek and stylish, just in a much more casual sense). A black turtleneck sweater, covered in paint splotches here and there, plaid pants, and black flats. No one can see her since she's doing this in her own penthouse, but she feels better knowing she looks presentable.

If she's not in the mood for painting, another option for a lazy day is to spend it reading. Specifically mystery and suspense novels. She really enjoys trying to figure out the big twists and endings, even jotting down notes in a journal while she reads. Most of the time she's able to figure it out way before the author can reveal it. But sometimes her normal thinking process can lead her to be wrong about a book's ending, simply because she ends up thinking way too much about certain details (when the author clearly wasn't thinking enough about it. And they're the one who wrote the damn thing!)

And when that happens, she gets so disappointed and annoyed that she starts insulting the writer and/or the characters. You might hear her say something like "T'es bête comme tes pieds !" (you're as dumb as a rock!), or "Quelle nouille !" (what an idiot!). She's still going to keep reading it the whole way through, but all she's going to be thinking about is how she could have written it better.

[55] How long does it take for them to make a new place feel like home, and what do they need for it?

Quite a long time. She likes things in a specific way, and does not handle things changing all that well. Although she can adapt well to fast-paced situations, it's different when it comes to her living space or a place where she's suppose to feel comfortable.

For example, if Noa were to spend the night in Hugo's apartment, she would be very awkward and tense about it (even if he tells her "make yourself at home". She's not used to sleeping there, so it's going to be hard for her to relax). I'm talking making sure she doesn't dirty any of the carpets or the furniture, making sure things are put back in the exact same places they were in if she ever needs to move something (almost to make it look as if she was never there in the first place), sitting upright with perfect posture, etc.

The same applies if she ever needs to move to a new place. Just overall being tense about it and acting as if she doesn't live there.

To make herself feel at home, however, she needs her own space, or things that feel like her.

Like a cozy spot where she can read that's not her bed. Even if it's just a corner of the living room. As long as it has comfortable blankets and a reading light, she's happy. Her own mugs/teacups (even for Hugo's place. She might use his once or twice, but not all the time).

A whole cabinet in her kitchen reserved (and filled) with all kinds of tea, especially her favorite ones.

Some splashes of color throughout the space, particularly purple. Maybe some flowers or artwork decorating the walls. She's a very stylish person, and where she lives reflects that. It can't be too dull or boring.

Things like that.

She'll get used to it after a while. It just takes some time for her to adjust.

[imjustabeanie]

Hello, I hope you're having a good day! I'd like to humbly request a genshin match-up!

Gender Preference: Overall gender doesn't ultimately matter to me but I may have a male lean in preference?

MBTI | Enneagram: INTP-T or INFP-T | 6w5 or 5w6

Personality: I am the sort of person who struggles with social cues naturally, like i cannot tell whether we're friends or acquaintances unless told directly (this has surprised a handful of people), but once past that I can attach pretty fast and I am for the most part very loyal. Also as bad as I may be with social cues, I am also strangely observant and can make connections out of subtle things and read a person like a book, it's an ability expressed as both admirable and scary. I am admittedly not the best socially as I can be so awkward at first introduction it can at times give off the wrong impression either due to quiet aversion/isolating myself or overt friendliness if need be or i sound way too formal when it's not necessary. When I DO warm up to someone, I am found to be witty, parental, opinionated, and when I know the person understands who I am and I know they can take and give back the energy - I partake in light-hearted "bullying"/teasing so long as it's known it's with no malice. Also I may be flirty with them, whether intentionally or unintentionally, I am apparently very good at this, though I only do this with who I'm close to and it is preferred we are on the same page of whether comments are genuine or for the sake of humor, though normally I don't emgage in flirtatious banter unless it is initiated by someone else. From there I can come up with apparently very smooth yet outta pocket comments, normally just out of impulse. That aside, I can sometimes be a bit strict and a little controlling when in regards to safety unless there doesn't seem to be a danger of which I will step up and try to make casual lightness of the situation if it eases my friends' nerves. I'm very attentive to my friends' needs to which I can become quite paternal, such as making sure my friends are fed and at times impulsively being touchy in a form of straighting out say their clothes or hair if it seems like its in their eyes, though only if they seem comfortable with touch, I do my best not to cross boundaries as I'd hate to make someone uncomfortable. I also almost always keep fidget toys on me and I have a habit of say for example making sure people are okay and when it comes to my sister i often take her hand to ground her and talk her through things because I know it relaxes her to know she's not alone and supported. I also will put my own anxiety aside if it means I need to step up for my friends and sister, but I have my limits of course and may need support as well.

Likes:

• clouds, light, rain

• listening to music

• cooking for others ( though there comes a point where I may be burnt out if done too frequently or it's just a bad day for me of course, i'll still probably do it though )

• writing/creating stories and characters with others

• analyzing cinematography, literature, etc.

• sharing mutual interests/energy with others

• successfully helping others

• being able to predict/piece together plots from subtle cues (it's probably pattern recognition and my habit to overthink when it comes to the little things)

Dislikes:

• bad textures• feeling pressured/put on the spot

• empty promises (like at least some honesty/explanation would be appreciated, otherwise don't promise anything, just perhaps try to do better in the future i guess?)

• uncertainty (been working on not being so uptight about this, but it does make me anxious, i like to have an idea of what's going on)

• lack of communication

• feeling unheard

• disrespect towards me or others• alcohol & smoke

My Take on Love Languages: Predominantly I would say my love language is Quality Time, of course I am an introvert so I have my limits but with the right person it means a lot to just have quality time where we are both invested and can bond over shared interests. I can appreciate some words of affirmation from someone, I also can give back in the form of support and the occasional bout of confessional love and appreciation for another person, though I can't always do this on a whim. Physical touch is nice, but only with select people, however once established I can be rather drawn to some sort of physical contact with the other person. Acts of service is okay, but not entirely necessary, though I am willing to do stuff for other people. Gifts is probably where I am most awkward. I am attentive to other people's interests but I don't really thrive in the area of gift giving unless it is a heartfelt written note of appreciation and love. As for recieving gifts, i don't tend to ask much from others and can be awkward in reception most times unintentionally, but I am rather sentimental, so I will likely keep just about anything gifted to me.

Ideal Partner: preferably, i would like for my partner to have some patience with me; i can be indecisive, i struggle with social cues as previously mentioned, and I'm slow to comfortably expressing affection towards others and trusting other people. I also have Anxiety and Auditory Processing Disorder, so I don't always catch/process exactly what someone says so I may require patience for me to get what they said and respond or I may need what's said to be repeated, and I can be quite forgetful, though not due to lack of care of course. With all of this in mind, some understanding I'd be very grateful for and if my partner struggles with any of these things, I'd have patience and understanding for them as well. I would also like to know my partner is dependable as I've had my fair share of being treated with unreliability which has lead to a fair amount of disappointment, unfortunately my sense of loyalty tends to give people plenty of chances without much improvement shown on their behalf. I've worked on setting personal boundaries rather than letting myself be used or walked over as much.

With that said, i believe that is all. I apologize for the rambling. Thank you for your time and consideration and have a lovely day!

Hello! I apologize but only written trades are open! If you don't want to do a written trade you can take a normal appearance matchup ^^