#But now it's become much more of a Thing than I was thinking it would be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

monkebearness · 2 days ago

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Just Give It To Me

Park Sieun (STAYC) x Male Reader

Tags: smut, (light) fluff, rough sex, oral sex, creampie, (some) degradation, daddy kink

Word count: 7.8k

a/n: my first non-tripleS fic, since I'm still sorting out my next plan there. for now, I wrote a fic about one of my fave 4th gen groups. it's also their comeback. it's a little quicker, but that's the intention. still, I hope you like this one!

“Hanjae-ssi, we’re having a meeting tonight. I’ll send the details to your number.”

“Ne, Miss Vice President. Should I notify the executives? Or a specific team?”

“No,” she tells him. “I’ll deal with them. Just—” The woman looks at him with a blank expression, from head to toe. “Dress up in something else.”

“Ne,” he bows to her, just before she dismisses him as the clock strikes lunch break.

Lim Hanjae has been Park Sieun’s assistant as soon as the latter rose to the ranks of the Nopeun Corporation’s upper management as its vice president, but they knew each other when Sieun was still a branch manager and Hanjae was a junior supervisor about four years ago.

He’s only a year younger, but respect and consistency are the most he has shown to this woman from the moment he was assigned to be her right hand through a vote between executives. Or so most would think.

At first glance, no one would expect the woman to be the older one. Not simply because of their height difference of fourteen centimeters, the difference between her soft yet empowering high pitched voice and his amiable baritone voice, or the difference between her ethereal and stunning neanimorphic visuals and his “above average” but mature appearance, at least with how some folks would compare them behind their backs, even though that’s an obsolete stereotype.

But with how they treat each other at work, most of employees’ preconceived notions and initial impressions slowly blur, where they begin to question some things about them Either the office drama becomes more stale and repetitive or a lot more interesting, allowing for more doors of far spicier and scandalous speculations.

Or from a more personal note, concerns also arise towards their workplace relations, especially from his own closest colleagues and friends.

“You’re not getting in trouble, are you?” Eunkyung asks him on the left seat beside him, gripping both his hands on their table.

“I don’t know…” he shrugs at her worry. “I hope not. I don't think anyone else is either.”

“You can just quit, you know?” his other friend, Mark, chimes in on his right after taking a sip of his matcha latte.

He scoffs at his overkill suggestion, letting go of Eunkyung’s hands. “Why would I quit? I'm not getting abused, and if I was, I would've reported her to H.R. a long time ago.”

“As if doing that will do anything to the chairman’s daughter!” the woman whines.

He shakes his head. “Whatever you guys are thinking, I’m doing better than y’all think.”

“You seem to be exhausted whenever you have a meeting with her.” Eunkyung sighs. “It’s just… Sad to see.”

“Oh… That?” He can’t spill away too much. “I just forgot to get myself a hot cup of tea. Plus, I was finalizing some team projects back then. It’s not as bad as things are now.”

“That’s exactly why we advise you to rethink your life choices,” Eunkyung shoots back. “You’ve been doing nothing but great things for this company, like the rest of us… We can only hope your pay is much, much better with you as her main underling.”

“It definitely has gotten better,” Hanjae chuckles. “I assure you guys, I'll even treat y—”

“I don’t think we can be assured, now she made you do the worst thing a boss can order to an assistant,” Mark interjects, now echoing Eunkyung’s sentiments with his cadence. Meanwhile, the latter takes a sip of her americano in silence, expressing her agreement with Mark through a nod.

“And that is—?” He raises his eyebrow.

“She’s making you set up a meeting on Friday, which is today!” he opens his palms out of bewilderment. “We’re usually free today, now that our biggest meetings have been sorted out, but out of the sudden, they pulled you in for another one.”

“Come on, I’ll be fine, guys!” he insists, hoping they calm down for the last time, despite being uncertain himself. “I promise, nothing’s going on… It’ll probably just be another brainstorming sesh with some other clients. Or some deets they wanna add up from last time.”

= = =

Eight eighteen in the evening. Hanjae looks out the window in front of their table. The city skyline stands out against the darkness with its assortment of lights from all the buildings in sight. He sees his boss’ reflection on his left, still looking at her menu.

They're at a fine dining restaurant, in a hotel two cities away from Seoul. They are both wearing their business jackets, wearing the fanciest suits they can get (at least for him), yet no other face from their company is in sight. Not even a new client. Confusion only runs through his brain, but he still doesn't dare to question his boss, considering she’s still occupied with telling her orders to the waiter. Until she's done, he raises his menu over his face, scanning the area and analyzing his superior through a few quick glances.

Her hair doesn’t look as formal as before, with how it’s tied up in a stylish bun. And of course, he knows that her dyed red hair is already a sign that she’s taking advantage of the loopholes of their company guidelines to the fullest. It's her third dye, after all. Thank goodness, their higher ups have gone lenient.

Not to mention her association with the chairman often intimidated him. It still does, but he does a better job at hiding it whenever she’s with him. The situation still bugs him, because of the absence of other clients or colleagues, and as soon as they are finished with ordering, he clears his throat and musters up the will to ask his boss, but not before taking a glug of his glass of water.

Her eyes move upwards, landing at him. “What is it, Hanjae? Spit it out.”

Under the table, he clenches his fist for a second, just as he opens his mouth. “Umm yes… Pardon me, ma’am, but… I thought there’d be other people with us tonight.”

She raises her eyebrow. “I said I’d deal with them. I didn’t say they’ll be here.”

Is this where he thinks this is? It can’t be. Is she messing with him?

“Oh… I understand. Joesonghamnida.”

Where this is heading. He still doesn’t want to fall for it. Getting the wrong impression.

Semantics and technicalities from his own superior always get to him. And he’s got the highest grades in both Korean and English in his classes. Since he got promoted as an assistant, Hanjae has flown to a few countries with their company, demonstrating his adeptness and expertise in both languages. He would often remember their time in the United Kingdom five months ago, where he listened to his boss speaking in her British accent. Most of the time, he would find her fluency in foreign languages awe-inspiring, whether it’s something like Spanish or Chinese. And sometimes, he can’t help but hold in his laughter because of how cute and ‘posh’ she sounds when conversing with clients.

Yet, whenever no one’s around, he’d feel something else. Hanjae hasn’t heard someone speak fluently in French like she does. Who knew that the simplest phrases like Si c'est moi in a certain passionate tone can make his hair stand up even under his sleeves?

Over an hour has passed. The weird thing was there was nothing to talk about. Nothing about work. No project updates. They just ate and drank, like an old couple, something that makes it much stranger since even in meetings only between the two of them, she would usually ask him about an update or suggestions about an ongoing project. Since there’s nothing to discuss about, they could only hear each other’s chewing and others’ chatter. Like usual, Sieun had a light meal, so her assistant also ordered a similar meal. Now, all that’s left are splatters of leftover truffle sauce and strands of pasta on Hanjae’s plate, while there’s no more trace of the chicken fricassée on Sieun’s, save for a splash of the brown stew. Each of them has a champagne glass, which both of them have emptied.

“You done with your dessert?” she asks him.

Without making his panic obvious, the man places the spoon on the now empty cup that used to contain the affogato. “Ne. I'm done, Ma’am.”

“You can wrap things up now.”

Hanjae calls the nearest waiter within their distance. “We'll take the bill, please.”

He feels something soft touch the hem of his pants, slowly sliding up to his crotch. It's her toes, tickling his member.

“Miss Park!” he almost hollers, his voice radiating with a hint of panic and caution, but not enough to stir any attention from anyone else around them.

Her face remains stoic. “Stand up,” she commands him, now that it has followed her. “Follow me after this… We're not done.”

With her card, Sieun pays for their orders, stealing gazes at her assistant throughout the process until they leave the restaurant to take a walk to the nearest elevator. Hanjae can only scratch his head behind her back, still bewildered on figuring out what their deal is, being in his hotel that’s miles away from home without anyone else to meet. As soon as they reach the highest floor of the hotel, he realizes they’re in the penthouse. She locks the door shut, allowing him to follow her to the living room.

She walks up to the coat rack stand, taking off her trench coat while he watches in silence, still clasping his hands together. “I don’t think you’re this dense, Hanjae.”

“What do you mean, Ma’am?”

“Was I not obvious enough at the restaurant?” She steals a glance at his nether regions. “Your thing down there seems to know already.”

He involuntarily gulps. “So… Tonight. This was never meant to be a meeting for clients.”

She’s right. How is he this dense?

“Now, do you know what to do?” Sieun hums. She tilts her head to the right, letting out a soft and teasing purr. He clears his throat, taking three quick steps to reach her. Without any signs of hesitation, the man cups her chin and leans down to devour her lips with his own. Their tongues collide, giving each other a taste of their drink and dinner the longer they dance. His lips proceed to trail down to her neck and collarbone, leaving traces of his saliva on every path he traverses, while she moans at the sensation he’s giving her.

Taking their time, they unbutton and strip each other’s clothes. Hanjae never wanted to rush this moment. The bliss, thrill, and excitement running through his veins. It’s like a drug, even, but he doesn’t want to find it out. This woman is enough to make him high. From her lips and tongue to the scent of her primrose perfume throughout her body.

“You know how long I've waited for this?” he murmurs into the kiss. It’s been more than a couple of weeks since they last did it, but he has never brought it up to her—even when they’re alone at the office. It’s a simple unspoken rule that benefits both of them. No one wants a scandal—and no one wants to get fired from work due to their afterwork affairs, which is and should be no one else’s business.

“I know you liked to be teased,” she snickers, leaving a few loving kisses on his neck.

He pinches both her butt cheeks, triggering a moan of surprise and pleasure from her mouth. “You mean, you like teasing me?” he argues, trying to get a lick of her clavicle.

“Same same,” she shoots back, before pulling him back to her lips with a hum of hunger.

As soon as their hands begin exploring their curves and corners, it’s all hands on each other’s decks. Just as he has gotten through her blouse and slacks and her unbuttoning his sleeves, his eyes widen as his member erects at the sight of her look.

A revealing top, a tight and short skirt in fishnets. The effort she’s made to keep it in while she maintained her domineering front and formalities around him for hours. Hanjae’s lust-driven mind expected her in her bra and underwear to welcome his hungry gaze, but this… He also admits this is a better way of teasing. “You’ve been hiding that all this time?” he chuckles in disbelief.

“It’s meant to be a surprise,” she admits, rubbing her right and over her left. Throughout their sexcapades, they've witnessed each other in different get-ups and attires. Although nothing too kinky yet, this is a first for Sieun to conceal her clothes under another layer, instead of changing right before the show like they used to do.

“It must’ve been hot under there,” Hanjae comes closer with a hint of concern.

“That’s the idea,” she retorts, exhaling a smile.

Their eyes lock. Just by her look, she has taken his breath away. “You look stunning.”

Her cheeks slowly blush. Still, she brushes off such a ‘soft’ reaction to his compliment. There’s an urge from her to thank Hanjae, but she seeks to repay him through actions instead. She’s had enough of words all week. “You better make it worth it.”

Truth be told, she tends to “switch” from meetup to meetup, which doesn’t bother him. In fact, it drives him crazier the more he realizes he was able to have a sense of control over Sieun, like she often allows him on nights like these, because the next time they meet and cross eyes in broad daylight, he knows that she’ll just be back to being the same old imperious superior everyone fears, respects, or both—sometimes fantasize. However, none of those folks are or will be as lucky as Lim Hanjae.

He pins her to the wall, initiating another steamy and salivating makeout session neither of them would ever want to stop. A couple of minutes passed, Hanjae’s lust for her body skyrocketed. Her plump and luscious lips are always insatiable, but foreplays like these have usually only been the appetizer. One that he always brings to their main courses. Still, he has to move forward with her. Disappointing her is the last thing he wants to happen, especially tonight.

She licks the sweat off his neck, tasting the traces of his perfume like a mint-flavored popsicle, before tiptoeing to lean next to his ear and whisper “Do what you want. It’s your reward.”

Shivers trickle through his spine as he feels her warm breath and softer intonation. The go-signal has been given. He directs her straight to the bedroom, still clinging onto her lips and tongue. The man only leaves her inches away from the bed as he proceeds on the cloud-like mattress. She follows and crawls towards him with anticipation, but he clings on to her forearm, stopping her in the middle.

“Nuh-uh,” he gestures with his finger from his other hand, which mirrors his shaking head, holding in his smile with some effort. He remembers their routine crystal clear.

“What?” she asks, flabbergasted as her momentum slows down at his disapproval, though her carnal need for his touch remains the same.

They're both eager to get down and get it on, but he wants to try something else just before they proceed to the main event. “Suck it,” he orders Sieun with a straight face.

Sieun kneels in front of him. Leaning forward, she gives his member a few licks, starting with the head and slowly descending to his length, now much more like a popsicle, until she reaches to his balls. Such tickles can’t help but make him giggle, even though he has always tried his best to hold himself in front of her. Unbeknownst to him, the lady finds a fascinating motivation in his reaction.

She maintains eye contact with her partner, smirking in satisfaction while her face still can. After mesmerizing at its lubed and slimy appearance, she widens her small mouth as much as she can and takes in his member, humming as it enters her slowly. The man helps her out the only way he can. Hanjae tugs at her hair bun with his right hand, while his left fingers claws down on the mattress. He starts doing limited thrusts with a slower rhythm—clenching his buttocks on the bed with every outward push towards her mouth.

Moans can be heard from the woman, keeping her mouth as wide as she can around the length and girth of his shaft. Despite his small thrusts, she starts her own movement by bobbing her head up and down, even giving him a sultry wink the more she accelerates.

“Oh, Fuck!” he whimpers, feeling the electrifying sensation through his spine. Driven by his wild instincts, his grip on her bun tightens, compelled to continue his thrusts on her deceitful mouth in the next minutes, even if his own back will punish him for it later on. Her efforts are more than enough, but he would have never expected her new trick. The lady takes her other hand down to his testicles, giving Hanjae another tickle. “Shit—you little minx!” Her tickles slowly turn into a grip, squishing it like stress balls in her palm.

“I'm about to—” he can’t stop himself from roaring loudly. “I’m gonna cum!”

He bursts his first load for the night, right into her gaping mouth. Despite swallowing most of his seed, the woman coughs out what was left in the minute that follows. They catch their breath together, making Hanjae approach Sieun with his hand on her back, slowly patting it by instinct. His character breaks for a second, showing his care as her assistant. They lock eyes. She feels those beats inside her. Slow, but louder. She thinks maybe that’s just because she’s exhausted after sucking him off. Who wouldn't be?

“Do you wanna take a breather first?” she asks him with a chuckle.

“No,” he pants with a smile. “I’m supposed to be the one asking you that question.”

She answers him with a ravenous kiss, leaving smiles on both their faces as they both taste his salty and sticky juice amidst the silence. Such a daring act from her switches him back to his so-called alter ego. Her tongue gives him a tease right while their lips part, knowing he would want more of that later on. “Glad we’re in agreement.”

“Bend over,” he commands almost immediately, deepening his tone with little effort.

She only nods with a submissive whimper, kneeling in the middle of the bed—with her elbows on support—in anticipation for his treatment. And as they’ve long been waiting for, the main show is finally going down with Sieun bending over and making an effort to peek at Hanjae and his erect cock between her legs. She bites her lip just seeing him upside down when he raises her tight skirt up to her waist and watches him strip down her underwear, which he tosses to the top of the bed, landing on the pillow next to her.

“Ah, ah…” he mocks, forcing her to look forward once more in a fit of both apprehension and anticipation. Nevertheless, her trick just hardens his shaft even more, solidifying his girth. “Who says you can look?”

That’s the thing. She likes, nay loves more that he is the dominant one in bed, ironically enough. And he’s been getting the hang of being a switch for a while now. Of course, no one does training for those at the office. Unless it’s with her during that one time.

In front of his eyes, Hanjae sees her entrance, and like a key to its hole, he plunges his knob into her cunt as if it’s the perfect shape. Thanks to her salivary lubrication, his penetration proves to be less jagged.

“Aaaaaah…” she moans, her walls welcoming the first half of his manhood. For a split second, she imagines his penis entering her asshole instead. Maybe for another time.

“Ngh… More…” she begs. “Put it more, babe. You’re already in… So deep… Ugh!”

He pulls himself and her, burying his cock even further while holding on to her hips. Deeper inside her womb. He didn’t stop until his tip could feel her cervix, a moment which signals him to start moving his hips in and out in larger and louder rhythms, undoubtedly stretching her insides with his stronger rams.

Her eyes widened at this ensuing sensation. She wasn’t too careful about her wish coming true in an instant, but she doesn’t regret it. Under his dominance, she couldn’t feel any luckier tonight. “Oh, fuck! Yes…”

While tightening his abs as if he’s planking and flexing his arms like he’s lifting, the man fastens his pace. With his eyes on the prize, he pulls her hair, finally taking advantage of the bun that’s been leveling with his eyes the moment they first met at the restaurant. “It’s begging to get pulled, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is,” she groans in agreement, with her nails on each finger clawing through the duvet cover in order to anchor herself while Hanjae keeps his right hand grip over her hair like the reins of a steed. “I fucking… Love this… Auuuugh!”

They go on for several more minutes, maintaining the rhythm of moving forward and backward as their layers of stimulation build up every second. Eventually, he lets go of Sieun's hair. The man has both hands held on to her hips, while he leans over her nape, kissing her from the back with sounds that mimic the slapping produced by their bodies.

The sight of her jiggling ass and the sound crashing through his ears now give him the idea, prompting him to widen and raise his right palm up in the air and smack!

“Oh, God!” she moans in ecstacy, slightly arching her back. “Yes!”

“I’m, uhh, getting… Close,” he grunts, quickly exhaling a blazing fume through his nose.

“I'm fucking safe!” she yells, feeling her own limit break while her body keeps trembling.

Hearing that is another green light for him to remember for the rest of these sessions. Hanjae groans as loud as a raging bull, fusing with Sieun’s squeals of satisfaction, as their ounces of fluids fire and collide within the bridge of their intermingled bodies.

Their first orgasm of the night. The first of many, the woman hopes within her mind. Neither of them expected to go straight to the point? For a month, they were deprived of each other's touch due to the surge of events that demanded their presence and service. Not to mention the fact that she hasn’t given him a call or hint until now. Hanjae’s far from feeling any anger, but he is not letting that slide.

Only two minutes have passed since their nethers have parted, but he taps her back a couple of times while she’s lying. Heeding his nonverbal command, she rises from her prone position to face him.

“We’re not done, Mistress.” His eyes grow at his own words, though he keeps his frown in front of the woman. Wrong word, his mind realizes. His subconscious must’ve taken over for a millisecond. A more submissive region. She won’t notice it, he follows up. She is too invested in this.

“Yes, daddy,” she nods without question, still looking at him with eyes that beg and give in. That word makes his head tilt with a low hum of perplexity, only to shake it off as the woman’s look and response alone is keeping him up and curious.

He takes another step, placing his hand underneath her chin. “You know what you did wrong, Sieun-ah?”

He hears a gulp from her throat. “No, daddy,” her tone dramatically shifts. “What is it?”

The term’s growing on him fast. He remembers her not wanting to be called babe or bebe, even though she’s called him the former a couple of times. Hanjae sighs, but he maintains his domineering act. “You've been too vulgar with me. You've been so bad.”

“Are you gonna punish me for that?” The trembling in her voice makes it convincing. How she responds almost freaks Hanjae out, but he knows what situation they're in. Plus, she leaves a trace of her coy smirk on the corner of her lips for him to notice.

“You’ll find out,” he answers, leaving Sieun with lust-driven wonder while he holds her.

He kisses her once again, although his hands make their way to her hair. Seeing her as a redhead has brought out the lust in him ever since she dyed into that color. Now that he has the chance, he yearns to see her in its undone beauty. He has fucked her in various hairstyles and colors in the past year and a half. Pig tails. Layered. Curls. Waves. Buns, like now. All of which made him excited when she made the first move or call in secret.

Black. Blond. Pink. He never had a preference with her looks, ‘cause that's her business. Light brown and orange were his two favorites, yet now’s giving him second thoughts. It seems that her color tonight gives him a new reaction. Him as the raging bull and her as the muleta or red cloth to his narrow vision. It's not just the color that gets to his nerves from head to toe. That's a common misconception, but even if it's only directed to bulls, he knows there’s more to Sieun that is driving his own lust to another level. It's also her bratty movement and juxtaposed behavior that’s provoking him, even outside the bed.

His tongue enters her mouth, recognizing the 4-million-won champagne they’ve drunk, encouraging him to dominate the woman even in this glossal duel. In-between kisses, he helps his partner take her top off and unlock her bra, while leaving several more hickeys on her neck down to her toned and perky breasts, now that she's completely bare as him.

Hanjae slowly takes the fishnets off Sieun’s legs, giving her a tingling sensation. Tossing them into the corner of the room, he leans forward to give the woman's knees and thighs pepper kisses. He opens his mouth, licking off the moisture that has accumulated on her legs in the past hour. Within seconds her groans slowly shift into giggles, that is until he moves deeper into her legs, opening them wide like he has split a mountain in half with his bare hands. He just discovered her core, dripping wet. Already a feast to his eyes.

But at the last second, he inches away from her entrance, bewildering Sieun as her excitement is interrupted. He stands up, leaving her lying on the bed in confusion.

“I think we're still forgetting something,” he rubs his chin with a soft smirk.

“Huh?” she wonders, and his movement is turning him on more than she anticipated.

“Sit,” he commands, even pointing down his finger on the surface of the mattress with eyes that taunt. The woman now realizes he is only messing with her, yet she complies without question. Hanjae’s in control tonight and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sieun herself has been deprived of his authority for a while now. Something that she has rarely gotten from anyone else at the company ever since she had truly proved herself as a valuable and integral member of the Nopeun Corporation. She always hated the unfair treatment given to her by most employees and executives, just because of who she is and not what she can do. These secret and intimate moments she has with Hanjae are what she always yearns for.

The man gently pulls down her skirt with ease, leaving it on the carpet below the bed. With nothing else in his mind, he kisses her neck as he inserts his middle finger inside her entrance. And combined with his lips sucking on her collarbone, Sieun only groans at both simultaneous arousals. He follows up his ring finger inside her, triggering a key that makes her let out the higher pitched squeal he’s been craving to hear. He’s not as gentle compared to last time, she observes.

“Hnhh…” she groans, her eyes half closed. “Fuck, babe. I’ve missed this soooooo much!”

But as soon as her squirting begins, he stops. “Daddy…” she pleads. “Why’d you stop?”

“You’re ready…” he reassures her. He kneels down on her the levels of her nethers and kisses her cunt, not minding the fact that he just plowed her with his cock minutes ago. It may be unhygienic, sure, but it’s his body and hers. Plus, It’s not the first time he has done this. Hearing more of Sieun’s moans above him, he continues by using his tongue to give her clit a long upward lick. “Ahhhh… You tease… So fucking… Good!”

Together with his fingers, his mouth works wonders, tasting the salty and sweet vulva of his superior while she sings her highest praise through her moans of stimulation—like a one-woman choir—in the next twenty minutes, keeping herself together—even from the temptations of closing in her thighs between his head. Even if there’s a chance he’ll like it, she knows that she’s not in full control tonight. And she’s loving this scenario so far.

Taking delight in every second of his tongue, Sieun’s climax is nearing its completion. “Hanjae-yah… Imma… Augghh…”

Hanjae only nods, allowing his movements to vibrate in a strange way that speeds up the peak of her pleasure. Little is he aware, he invented a new trick for her, considering the fact that he is now mimicking a certain toy she’s been using in her alone time. “Nggh!”

And with a final spurt of fluids, it’s his turn to receive her juices all over his face. Much like her, he savors every drop of it, getting it all over his chin and cheeks. Getting up to check on the panting woman, he shares his appetizer with her. Another kiss where they share each other’s fluids, intensifying their steaming session with hums and moans.

As their lips leave another trail of saliva, Hanjae carefully pulls Sieun closer to the bed until they both reach and sit on the upper middle. Without muttering a word, she goes along with his movement as he places her arms on his shoulders. They face each other during this one, still gasping for breath after his breathtaking performance.

“Hey… Just say the safe word, alright?” he advises her with a quick kiss on her lips.

As with her arms around his shoulders and holding on to his neck, Sieun wraps her legs around his waist with little effort, interrupting his instinct to have him be on top of her. However, he treasures this position too. It’s a classic. “I don’t need to,” she whispers.

Hanjae slides in his cock within her entrance for the second time. He enters Sieun with more ease, thanks to her leftover juices still coating his manhood. She’s due for a refill. Despite this improvement, her pussy still remains just as tight from before while he slowly pushes in his rod with more effort. The woman’s moans are less louder, maintaining her composure until his whole member is inside her.

“Just… Give it, Hanjae… Give your all… To me,” she reassured him for the final time. And so his movement of rocking back and forth recommences with a smoother pace.

“Harder!” she wails, exerting her power whenever her body demands it. Now, Hanjae increases his strength, while maintaining the rhythm of his thrusts with her grinds.

“All this... Time,” he breathes in. “How are you still so tight?” he exhales with laughter.

There's a lot of possible reasons. Yoga. Pilates. Modeling. Berating her lazy employees. Healthy diet and lifestyle. Just pretty damn good genes. But his imagination is already wild for him to guess. They're all of the above. He just wants to finish inside her soon, and more, if she allows him to do so.

“It's all… for you…” she whispers to him. “Babe…”

He nibbles on her breasts, alternating his feast with each thrust down his member.

As she gasps at his improvised trick, her breath starts to falter, preserving the remainder of her energy holding his shoulders. The shivers make her scream “I'm your toy, daddy!”

“Speak… up, brat,” he huffs, grunting while he pounds her cunt with double the power.

With every screech of arousal she yells out, her nail scratches and digs into his skin until it becomes red, almost like the woman's hair as it quakes along with her petite and curvy body during his stronger thrusts. Their ears begin to hear slight squeaking on the sturdy king-sized bed, but they're not too bothered. They've made it work on a couch, a swing, and a wooden bench. Hell, even on a monobloc chair.

“Only… You can play… with me… Daddy!” She sticks her tongue out to him.

“Such… a good girl,” he gives into her imagination, finding more arousal at her gimmick.

“I'm... close…” he murmurs while sucking on her neck.

Still with her tongue out, the woman's eyes slowly roll to the back of her head as her breathing sounds heavier while submitting to his continuous thrusts.

Hearing her whimpers, Hanjae’s thrusts slow down. “Me too…”

Fluids burst out her cunt; he releases his load a millisecond after. The last one from this set. Listening to each other’s breaths, as well as their advice from earlier, the pair finally take a breather in the next five minutes. He sprints straight to the kitchen to get two 500 milliliter bottles of water inside the fridge, handing out the second one to his partner as soon as he returns to the bedroom.

“Thanks,” Sieun takes hers, cranking it open. With closed eyes, she proceeds to glug down the bottle the same minute as him, but as she relishes the feeling of her thirst dwindling down, something clicks in her brain. Her eyes open. Her lips curve upwards, stopping her drink with the bottle now half empty.

“You thought I wouldn't have noticed, did you?” she teases with a lower pitch, although a part of Hanjae's mind and body perceives it as a threat for some reason, it even makes him let out a nervous chuckle.

“Noticed what?” he tries to play it cool, slowly wrapping his right hand around his left.

Placing the bottle on the nightstand, she takes two steps forward. With every step she takes, her smirk grows. A few speculations spring from his mind, but no guess can ease him after she's stopped a foot away from him. They both know that this is far from over.

“A while ago…” She tilts her head to the left, staring at him dead in his eyes. “You called me Mistress, not Princess. I thought that sounded strange.”

Caught.

Hanjae closes the empty bottle with its lid, carefully placing it on the floor. “Will I… Get punished for that?” he questions her. He remembers what she said. So did she.

Her fingers crawl to his balls, triggering the same tingles he felt, until it latches on to his shaft. “No,” she scoffs. “But you'll have to be tamed for being such an angry and hungry bull who just couldn't restrain himself.”

Sieun crashes her lips with Hanjae's with an excited moan, savoring each other for half a minute while she walks him back to the bed. Despite her petite arms, the woman pushes him onto the mattress, making him lie down on his back while she kneels closer beneath him. Soaked in each other’s sweat, his face can only glow in anticipation with her in the lead. That’s how this whole thing started, after all.

“It's about time I ride the beast,” she exhales with eyes of confidence and shamelessness. Hanjae can only nod at her fierce statement and seductive approach. His long dominant exterior begins to crumble at her gaze, feeling most of it transfer back to the woman. He couldn’t care less. He just wants her, here and now.

Sieun climbs and towers over Hanjae, placing her bottom on his thighs, near to his hips. Without hesitation, the determined woman aligns her entrance with his cock and inches herself until they touch. Slowly but surely, she begins grinding on him. “Fuck, I can’t get enough of this.”

“Same same,” Hanjae mutters, much to her amusement. Inching her legs a little closer, she increased her speed from low to a medium.

“C--can… I?” he exhales, unable to complete his sentence due to her still tightening cunt and his throbbing cock overwhelming his senses.

“Do it.” She leans down, knowing exactly what he means to ask. “Ugghh… Don’t—wait.”

Hanjae latches each of his hand on her breasts, inciting a holler of arousal from the woman, but he amplifies it by making semi-circular gestures on her tits, making her close her eyes. Seeking to please her even more, Hanjae surprises Sieun with a few slaps on her cheeks with his right hand, only now from the front.

Sieun’s eyes twitch, while also biting her lips in hopes of muffling her continuing groans. “Nnnnggggghhhh… You’re making me… closer, you naughty bull!”

Only letting out a chuckle, her squeals remind Hanjae of popular singers, Ariana Grande being the most memorable. At times, she might even sound like Bell—No, she's nothing like her, his mind grudges, converting his emotions into keeping up with the woman’s performance on top of his wang.

She leans down to him, puckering her lips to give him a kiss. Their tongues clash while their mouths keep them open wide, silencing his thoughts while she keeps on grinding. It's like she’s read his mind. From her waist, his hands travel to hers. She reciprocates, entangling their fingers. Both their hearts are beating in sync.

He looks at her eyes. God, she’s such a goddess, he breathes out with this thought. He may often believe that she’s too good for him, but at least he is doing her with his best serving her, making love with her. “I— Fuck, Sieun, I’m clo—”

“I am, too!” she moans into the kiss, grinding him with most of her might and stamina as they both hear their fluids starting to spurt once more.

With almost little to no effort, such a stimulation drives her to reach the highest ranges. In his mind, Sieun would’ve been a great, phenomenal artist. She did have experience in the past. She can still become one, if she wants to, but tonight, they’re each other’s great work of art. Arts in progress. They still have more time and more of their own respective essence to spare, and they would not stop grinding, savoring, and thrusting each other’s bodies until half, if not most, of the bedroom is coated, smeared with their warm seeds.

= = =

Through the casement window, the sunlight kisses Sieun’s skin, from her hands to her forehead. But, they don’t feel like his lips. She loves the feeling of the mattress, as if she was slowly and endlessly sinking on the foam, like relishing the comfort of heavens.

However, that only makes her groan in annoyance 'cause it's not as sturdy and tender as Hanjae's chest. It is the balance her body always remembers in their hours of snores and silence. She feels the warmth of the blanket covering her body, but it feels too narrow. She can only feel herself.

That's it! Her eyes open with a sense of annoyance and panic, realizing such an absence has been bothering her, now that her mind is up and running. Rising from her slumber in her undergarments, she sees Hanjae, specifically his bottom, on the other side of the bed. His skin appears a little dryer, and he's already wearing his boxer and undershirt.

He’s putting on his socks when he notices her. “Oh, you’re up. Good morning, ma’am,” he lowers his head slightly to bow. Relief washes over her.

She ignores his greeting, only feeling concerned about his actions. “What’s the rush?”

“Huh?” He stops putting on his pants, noticing the yearning from her eyes.

“It’s a Saturday,” she reminds him. Her lips slowly form a pout.

“Yeah… Well, that didn’t stop the company from having meetings from time to time.”

“There’s no work today, Hanjae-yah,” she reiterates. “I, uhh, even rescheduled the meeting meant for last night.”

“Oooooh…” His previous question is now answered. “So that’s what happened.”

“Yeah…” her eyes slowly roll to the side, pursing her lips, now that she's admitted that.

He can hear those rhythms in his chest. As she fixes her disheveled hair to the side of her ear, Sieun turns to him once again.

“Don’t you wanna stay for a bit?” she adds.

The rhythms would grow louder. “Sure…”

Staying with Park Sieun? He doesn’t want anything more, even if that's what he does every other day during weekdays. Right now, she feels more like Sieun, not VP Park. A situation like that rarely comes around in his life, so he may as well cherish it. But at the same time, another thought flashes a query he never dared to ask her, at least while they were still doing it.

He unravels his left sock. “Can I ask you about something?”

“Of course,” she chortles. “Don't need to be all formal with me.”

“About that kink last night…”

“Yeah?” she wonders. “Which one?”

He lets out a chuckle. Had to be more specific. “That, umm,” he pulls out his right sock. “Daddy kink.”

But instead of expecting a reciprocative chuckle to leave her mouth, it silently gapes with intrigue and a hint of confusion. “You didn’t like it?”

“No, I did…” his voice almost croaks. “ It’s just, is it not weird for you, or something?”

“No..?” With a slightly raised pitch, she’s not entirely sure where he’s going with this.

He can only sigh with relief… And of course, confusion. “Huh...”

Her eyes squint. She feels that he’s not too satisfied by her answer. “You don't like oppa. I had to come up with something else that I'm into.”

“That’s because you're older than me. That's just a matter of fact…” he counters, sounding defensive with his argument. “And it's not that I hate it, it's just we've already done that a lot before… You didn’t seem to like noona either.”

Silence enters their room in the following moment. Sieun reads his face a little more, tracing his question back to her own personal life.

“Is it because I’m close with my father?” That brings a ding sound to Hanjae’s ears.

Saying Park Sieun is a smart woman is one understatement. Of course, she'd guess that. “I’m sorry for… making it weird,” he looks down with a surge of embarrassment flowing through his mind.

“It’s okay.” Sieun places her hand above his own, giving it a slow and comforting stroke. “And no, it’s not because of that. I love my appa very much, but that’s different...”

He looks back at her, sensing his spirits elevating with hope. “That's… Good to know.”

“And it's not like I hated noona either,” she admits. “I just thought it was a little too… Romantic. And like what you said about my dad, I also have a younger brother.”

His spirits stop in thin air, awaiting its own descent with her words and his expectation. Of course, how could he forget about that? “Oh… Right, I remember it now.”

“But that was a while ago,” she immediately adds. “I wasn't in a good spot at the time… And just looking back, I guess I did like it.” Her right hand wraps its fingers around his own, with her words slowly forming a beam on her lips. “Especially since I heard it from you, Hanjae-yah… What we have is different.”

It's back up again, and more certain. He can't help but smile and chuckle with jubilance. His heart and mind can't help but profess their agreement as seconds would follow.

“And…” Another subject pops up in her mind. “I'm sorry if I didn't call you too often.”

“It's okay, Sieun-ssi.” Again, he tries to be smooth. “We were all busy with the new project. The partnerships were—”

“Not like that,” she interjects. “I mean, like outside work. That’s not an excuse for me.”

“It's fine.” His voice lowers, but her words are starting to soothe his spirits. “I'm just glad we're making time now, you know?”

Sieun moves her right thumb, rubbing his index finger. “I’m glad, too… If it'll make you feel any better, we'll switch things up next time.”

He cups the woman’s warm face and leans in to kiss her. In this sensation, they both feel more ease than tension before parting to see each other's smile. Captivated in pure bliss.

“I never get to do that whenever we’re outside…” Hanjae confesses; his expression and delivery emanate not only embarrassment but also sincerity. He knows he shouldn't feel embarrassed, but it's always been an inclusion whenever he tries to open up. He will just have to do some things that’ll put a little or a lot more hair on his chest. Unless she's not into that. “Or—now that I think about—at all.”

She pulls him in a much deeper kiss, craving for his sweeter and more tender taste not knowing he wants the same. Perhaps it's just their heart and hormones simply setting the mood, but their souls know. Whatever they're feeling is true. Neither of them say those words, but that’s fine. Labels are the least of their worries, for now... What matters most is how their actions speak louder than words. From mind and heart to body.

“Then do that more often,” she giggles, caressing his rough left cheek with her soft hand. For a second, he nuzzles into the warmth of her touch.

“As you wish, Princess.” He takes the woman's hand, indeed like a make-believe royalty, as they get off the bed and land their feet on the carpet.

“You wanna get some breakfast after?” she suggests.

“Oh, I’d love that. I believe breakfast downstairs is highly recommended,” he points out.

“I'll just take a shower first and then we'll grab a bite. Is that okay with you?”

“Of course, Vice President,” he nods. Sieun nudges his shoulder while shaking her head. Giving him a peck on his left cheek, she heads to the bathroom and closes it with a cackle.

After three minutes of texting Eunkyung and Mark on his phone about their concerns, he hears the door creak open. He looks ahead. From the bathroom, the shower begins to pour on a lower level. The curtain slides open; Sieun calls out to him with her same old kittenish voice. “Why don't you join me inside? Burn a few more calories. Hmm…?”

Leaving the door open, while keeping the curtain half closed, Hanjae places down his phone on the nightstand, stripping his undershirt down the floor before running straight to the bathroom, manifesting the raging bull he embodied last night, reinvigorated by his excitement to be with her—his red-headed princess—once more.

= = =

so yeah, although my main focus is on tripleS, I'll definitely write more fics from other groups that I like or follow. on that note, I'm really liking STAYC's comeback. in general, I think a lot of groups' comebacks this month are doing great so far. anyways, enough yappin'. thanks for the read and, like always, have a great day!

#kpop au #male reader smut #kpop smut #stayc smut #sieun smut #male reader

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bueckersbitch · 3 days ago

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greenlight part three - paige bueckers x reader

☆ warnings: angst, toxic!paige, toxic!reader

☆ word count : 1.8k

☆ authors note : part threeeeeeee ;) i know the wings staff isn’t like that it’s for the plot okay!!! also i don’t know how i feel about this butttt

☆ taglist : @sierrale8ne @thaatdigitaldiary @pboogerswbb @lupinqs @rosemariiaa @xxloveralways14 @lovegalor333 @vamptizm @bueckersfive @mrsarnold @janaelalfysblunt

You stood in front of your mirror. It had been two months since your last encounter with Paige. Of course, Paige being Paige, she was nothing if not persistent. It had become routine for her to send flowers to your doorstep, the notes coming with them confessing her apologies about what she had done, confronting the fact that it was her fault, how she wanted to see you one last time. But you knew yourself. It wouldn’t just be one last time if you went back. You admired yourself in the mirror, posture straight as you adjusted your outfit. The flowy pink babydoll tank top which complimented your cream colored mini skirt, heels that boosted your height. Your mind couldn’t help but drift back to Paige, how she would still be a head taller than you even if you were wearing heels. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t miss her.

For the first time in what felt like forever, you took a deep breath. The weight of carrying a broken relationship on your shoulders had now been lifted. You grabbed your purse from your bed, heading for your door, past the most recent flower arrangement Paige had sent to you, pink lilies, your favorite. Paige used to say that they reminded her of you, soft and delicate, yet strong and resilient. You closed the door behind you, mirroring how you had closed the door on your relationship, but a part of you hesitated. It had been so easy to block her that night, but the reality of actually letting go was a much harder task.

You started to walk to the elevator. The sound of your heels against the floor echoed through the halls louder than it should have, and the ride down was all a blur, floors zipping by, time escaping you more often now that you didn’t have something, someone to ground you.

Walking out into the bright Dallas sun, you embraced it. You had carefully picked your job so that you could be in Dallas with Paige. It sounded crazy, but the idea of long distance sounded crazier. You had grown to love the city. But everything about it reminded you of her, like an illness that wouldn’t leave you alone. It was hard not talking to her; you obviously thought about her more than you should. She had been a part of your life, of you for so long, and even with you being the one to break it off for good, there were still nights where you got a little too far past tipsy and found yourself wanting to go back, to just text her.

You put one foot in front of the other, the feeling of your heavy heart making your steps weigh more than before.

You poured a glass of wine for yourself, wanting to have a calm night in after you had met with your realtor. You had thought about moving for a while now, Dallas feeling like it had nothing left to give to you, the added bonus of being away from the ghost town of your past relationship: New York City. The dream since you were younger, so many opportunities and things to explore. You felt a little lost though; leaving Paige behind meant closing a chapter of your life that you never thought you’d have to. One that the hopeful, lovesick senior in college didn’t think she'd have to.

The soft knocking from your door pulls you out of your thoughts, Paige’s weekly flower arrangement, no doubt. You set the wine bottle down and shuffle your feet towards the door, expecting the arrangement set pretty on your doormat. You shove the door handle down, pulling the door in. Already looking down, you’re met with legs. You know whose they are, you trail your eyes up, and sure enough, there she stood. All six feet of her.

You sigh, the sudden weight of the relationship between you two coming back full force. “Paige, what are you doing here?” Paige reaches out for your hand, taking in yours, pulling herself closer to you. You finally manage to look at her, her braided ponytail far from perfect without you to do her hair for her. Her eyes were piercing, the obvious aftermath of her crying, her eyes always turned from an ocean blue to a glowing aqua, red circles around them enhancing the color.

“Jus’ can't shake the feeling of guilt, tell me what I gotta do to prove to you that I’ve changed.” She strokes your hand that she holds, you see her glance down at your fingers, noticing the promise ring she bought you missing. A tear falls from her eye, and yet again, you feel compelled to let her back into your life, again.

Your wine glass is left abandoned at the counter, now holding Paige on your couch as she cries into your pajama top. Neither of you had spoken a word, but you felt everything coming crashing down again, second thoughts of moving, the truth was, no matter how hard you tried to let her go, you knew you’d always find yourself back here, intertwined in each other, like the rest of the world was just background noise to the entirety that was you guys.

“You know we have to talk about this, I won’t know what you’re feeling if we just sit here-” You start, part of you felt remorse, remorse for blocking her, remorse for not responding to her attempts at trying to get you to talk to her. You were a hypocrite, pressing her to talk to you about what she was thinking when you couldn’t even do it yourself. What happens now? What happens when everyone around you, people you love, are telling you that she was to blame, that she was in the wrong, when authentically you saw a side of her that no one else did. They didn’t know the full picture of what happened, they only saw that construct that you told them, one where she was the villain in the story. Maybe she was, but maybe you were too.

“I’on know what to say anymore. I feel like I'm calling out to someone who’s a ghost.” Paige sobs. The lump in your throat grows. Your beautiful girl, a ray of sunshine who masked so much so the people around her were happy, was here hurt because of you. Genuinely, you didn’t know what you wanted from her. She had done so much, so much to tell you she was sorry, that you were her home. So why did you feel like you still needed more?

Paige pulled herself away from your chest, resting on the end of the couch, taking your legs into her lap. You swallowed the lump in your throat before it escaped, “Okay then, let's talk, let's talk about the night where it ended.” You said. Paige nodded in agreement, prompting you to start the conversation. “I just want to know what happened. You suddenly shut me out of your life. I felt like I was begging you for a basic conversation, and when I finally got one, you told me we were over, and then you came running back like you didn’t say all that shit to me.” Paige tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, wiping the tears away from her eyes. The red ring intensified yet again from the friction. “There was so much, not just basketball, but family shit. I didn’t want to drag you into it because I didn’t need you worrying about things that were my problems.” You fidgeted with your fingernails, picking and peeling the skin around them. “Paige, you know we were doing it together. I told you consistently that I would be there for you, through everything. Why would you think it would be any different?” Paige avoided your gaze now, looking at the set of Lego roses you had built together tucked away behind a picture frame. The Lego roses once being on your coffee table, and the empty picture frame once having a photo of you two at the Minnesota State Fair. “I know, I know. I guess I jus’ felt embarrassed. I overheard the training staff talking to the coaches about how ‘my prime came and went’ and how I wasn’t fit for the whole basketball thing anymore, how my body couldn’t handle the strain.” Your tears started now, like a dam being broken. You knew the mental state Paige was in when you met her, when her injury took her out of playing, and then you watched it happen again, with her ACL that time. You knew how hard it was for her to get out of the mental block of the outside world saying she ‘would never be the same Paige Bueckers again.’ How hard she worked to come back, better, stronger.

You guys talked it out, all of it. Your feelings of abandonment when she shut you out, Paige understood. And you understood where she was coming from too, working so hard to get back, just to hear the people closest to you in the workplace saying time may be up, feelings of her junior season she missed, the hole she was in, coming back full force, yet this time, she wasn’t even injured.

“Ma?” Paige starts, she is back in your arms, this time in your bed, the night creeping up on you slowly had you guys shifting to a more comfortable space. “Yeah, P?” You say, running your hands through her soft golden hair, now out of the tight ponytail. “Do y’think we could ever be anything again?” She questions, your heart contracts, you always knew it was meant to be her, but you couldn’t run away from the fact that it was awful timing, you hadn’t told her about your move, everything was close to being finalized, you just had to say the words to your boss and you’d be off to New York.

“We can take it slow for now, see where life takes us from there.” You say, even with all the conversation about that night, there was one topic that wasn’t addressed, the girl she saw immediately after leaving you.

Paige swept you off of your feet, earning her spot in your life again. The last couple of weeks had been something out of a fairytale, the nights in which you did her hair, the fancy dinners, hanging out with Paige’s teammates on the Wings.

But when you got back from a night out with Paige, you entered her room, and saw the big gold balloons that said; “Can I be your girlfriend?” The roses scattered around the room, and the chocolates that sat on her comforter. You were hit in the face with the overwhelming realization; You had to tell her. You spun around, Paige expecting you to leap into her arms, the big grin on her face, her flushed pink cheeks, instead, she was met with your shaky voice saying,

“Paige, I'm moving to New York City next week.”

#alira’s works ⟡˖ ࣪⋆⭒˚#paige bueckers #uconn wbb #uconnwbb #uconn women’s basketball #paige bueckers angst #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers fluff #paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers x oc #paige buckets #wlw #lesbian #Spotify

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trustmypoison · 3 days ago

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SVT when you're intimidating

Requested? Yes!

Request: ‘Hi! How would the SVT members react to the other members partners being extremely intimidating but becomes a softy once they see their partner 😂 🐅 to 🐈’

A/N: well if this doesn’t describe me perfectly!!! I’m constantly perplexed by people finding me intimidating given the kind of features I have.

A/N #2: the requester asked for other members reactions in this situation but it seemed cuter to do his reaction to an intimidating partner/crush. To the requester, I hope you still enjoy!

Seungcheol

High key loves that you’re a little intimidating because he’s a jealous boy. He doesn’t like that he is, but he’s big enough to admit that he kind of likes that the members might be a little skittish around you. But more than that, he likes that you let go of some of that privately with him.

Jeonghan

Oh, he plays this up big time. He knows you’re totally harmless, but he has to have his fun. Like, if a member breaks something of yours accidentally, he’ll hiss and go, “ooo I’m sorry, I can’t help you. Have you written a will yet?” He knows full well that you’ll brush it off, but he likes the fear in his member’s eyes lol.

Joshua

Actually so proud that he knows you well enough to know that you aren’t all that intimidating. If his members ever express some skepticism about how his relationship with you works, he simply shrugs and says, “it’s okay, you don’t have to get it.” He low-key thinks you’re the cutest, but he’s okay with being the only one to know that for now.

Jun

He spots that it’s an act right away. It’s a good act, don’t get me wrong. But he’s incredibly patient when it comes to some of your walls coming down. If anyone ever implies that it’s not worth the wait, he’ll sternly insist that it is. You might not always outwardly laugh or smile, not even at the lamest of jokes he has for you, but he likes the amusement in your eyes when you tell him just how bad it is.

Hoshi

Talk about someone that melts the moment you let that mask slip just a little. He rambles on about something in his typical hyperactive way and when he spots that you’re smiling a little with a much lighter look in your eyes than usual, his brain goes fuzzy. That mask comes back up the moment he shrieks about it, gaining the attention of the entire room. He resolves to be cooler about it next time.

Wonwoo

You think he can’t handle a resting bitch face? Him, of all people? This is totally a kindred spirit sort of relationship that blooms. You guys keep things really low key in public, with those really light-hearted moments reserved for a more private setting. But trust that if any of his members ever spot you guys act even a little cutesy, they’ll be sooo confused.

Woozi

You’re number one defender, actually. He finds you exceptionally sweet and thoughtful, despite whatever mask you wear, and doesn’t take too kindly to anyone implying that you can’t be friendly. If someone, including his members, says something about it, he’ll simply say, “you must not have made them feel welcome. They aren’t like that with me.”

Definitely an opposites attract sort of thing. His members might be terribly confused to find out that Seokmin asked you, someone known to be a little prickly, out. And you said yes?? This turns into them be believing that they’re living in an alternate universe when you join them for dinner one night and Seokmin greets you with a usual sunshiney grin and some sweet words. And you beam back at him?? What is this???

Mingyu

Another one that recognizes your prickly nature as a protective measure. When flirting and straight up hitting on you don’t get him anywhere, he just resolves to be someone you feel safe with. And he’s very proud when you call him for help and he gets to excuse himself from an outing with some of his members saying that you need him.

Minghao

You think with all of the Scorpio energy that he has that he’d be intimidated?? It might throw you for a minute that he doesn’t even blink at your attitude sometimes. It’s not that he thinks that you’re all bark and no bite. Rather, he just relates to you in that regard and it doesn’t unnerve him even a little bit. In fact, no one would be surprised that him of all people can break through to you.

Seungkwan

Petrified of saying the wrong thing, I fear. He’s friendly and outgoing and might not be able to fathom why you’re so closed off. You might actually be under the impression that he doesn’t like you much because he doesn’t go out of his way to bother you. But he’s always got an eye on you and will do little things to help you. He might just fall apart if you ever thank him or so much as smile at him. (His members love to tease him about it.)

Vernon

Totally unfazed. I don’t think he’d relate to this mood exactly, but he doesn’t really bat an eye at your icy nature. So he’s not intimidated to come up and talk to you. Like, say you’re a staff member, and you’re the only person that can help with something, he has no problem going to talk to you about, sometimes on behalf of other members. Not that he’d admit to developing a little bit of a crush, but he will tell his members over and over that you aren’t that scary, you’re just shy or reserved.

Chan

Another one that might be a little unnerved, but he’ll gather his courage and best flirting because you’re attractive. He lives for the little lifts at the corner of your mouth like you’re trying not to smile and it eggs him on. From anyone else’s perspective, his advances don’t appear to be going well. So imagine how floored the members are when he casually announces that he has a date with you.

#seventeen #svt #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #seventeen reactions #svt reactions #seungcheol #jeonghan #joshua #jun #hoshi #woozi #wonwoo #dk #mingyu #minghao #seungkwan #vernon #dino

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charmed-asylum · 1 day ago

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GIRRRRRL ONCE AGAIN IM SNAPPING MY DIVA FAN OUT AND SNAPPING MY GOD DAMM FINGER OOOH GIRL I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING LORD MMM MMMM MMM. Nah bc she ain’t that stupid and with Sarah and Wheezie. Lets me realistic give the bene of doubt . What if Ward wanted the land and dad like no whole time. Makes sense why Rafe ain’t moving in to her land but snatch her up and shit. Like if it’s a real thing why didn’t they discuss this with the will or something no out side party to approve of this. You want the land I’m giving you money which again if Ward was doing so much why didn’t they not sale the horse why did they not gain the staff of what not others had and can share if it in fact a REAL THING. Also Rafe you can’t be more idk non bull in a china house shit. What would few days even do huh nothing ain’t nothing but a shit on a cracker. Huh.

Let be realistic you know not only did Rafe lose his shit seeing her in her outfit but I bet even Ward did a 👀. “The long-sleeve, cropped sweater that featured a soft ruffle trim that barely grazed your midriff, paired with a high-waisted, flowing skirt that swayed with every step” I feel bad because again he manipulating her to do stuff but she justifies it with things like oh I like to do it anyway and a thought of what happens if I don’t and do. “ You certainly knew how to get dolled up, like Rafe said, and lucky for him, you liked makeup and clothes that made you feel breezy and feminine” even at the end all he doing is manipulating her I’m sorry but I’m adding the fact that yes they just met but out of all the girls OUT OF ALL OF THEM he choose her so someone some how she got pick he could go to a shit tone of people but he went to her and they just met how the fuck does Wheezie know shit about her and she don’t know shit about them two days two days she knew them. That’s it.

Again out girl may say she a bimbo bc she got bimbo ways but girl yesssss remember that shit .” When the room grew quiet, Rafe’s words rattled around in your head. You’d always done what your father had said, let him lead you in all aspects of your life, because you trusted him. You couldn’t wrap your mind around how your father expected you to trust someone else. In the end, he was the reason you were here now. He’d handed you over to someone else, like, what? A trade deal? The whole thing was completely unreal” I wonder what was the convo between John B and Rafe. Girl don’t be looking at his goods it’s a trap 🪤

Weee we meet wheezie omg thank you father of god huh use her girl use her a s shield. “ You liked her instantly “ When she was talking about what Sarah never had time to do I wonder if reader become that sister wheezie always wanted also what did they tell her regards the reader bc she acting like she should know a shit tone then she does. Does she know of anyone from the neighborhood.

AGAIN OUT GIRL AINT NO BLONDE HAIR BIMBO WOO WOO” It wasn’t urgent, but you had hoped to speak with Ward sooner rather than later. Part of you wanted to officially see the contract he’d wrote up with your father. Could two men really decide together that you should be married off? Was that still legal? “

Do you think the look Rafe gave reader was of possession more than shock or pleasure. Or his tone, Rafe’s voice cut through the growing tension, his tone firm, almost possessive. He makes me huh “ You won’t need to be over there, it’s no place for a woman “ Like 1st chapter I got better things to do now it’s MINE ERRRREREEEE WOOF WOOF 🐶

Sarah ain’t waiting for nothing lol

Rafe touch and firmness Man U need to go tho a year book and jerk off or something. Like damn he in that much of a rush I have to say even Ward should be a little worried like don’t this seem a little unstable and with Sarah calling bullshit even Wheezie shim in like damn .

Rafe sure as hell went from it’s a duty to know it’s about legacy with a puff out chest. Idk I feel he so calculated that what part real or not real it’s like an abusive man or a criminal trying to reason on why they do what they do. I just feel bad bc this reminds me of what she said in part one about family and shit he must of teacher diary ( something I can see him doing) once start talking about this bit I’m like yup he got the biggest breeding kink if I didn’t ever seen one. I’m just huh this shit got me getting high blood pleasure and I read it again I get mad again

rough hands, soft chains [2] r.cameron

[warnings] dark!rancher!rafe x bimbo!cowgirl!reader, arranged marriage, rancher au, manipulation, size difference, DUBCON, loss of virginity, rafe is HUGE, breeding kink, little editing, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK 18+

a/n: i only tag people who reblog the fic AND let me know their thoughts, thank you :)

In which you meet your new family, the Camerons, and learn Rafe's true intentions.

word count: 5.1k

part one

rafe cameron masterlist

The spare outfit you’d packed for your failed escape attempt was a delicate two-piece set in white. The long-sleeve, cropped sweater that featured a soft ruffle trim that barely grazed your midriff, paired with a high-waisted, flowing skirt that swayed with every step. The lightweight fabric was a reflection of your usual preference for comfortable clothes. A handful of other items hung in the closet, clearly not yours, but you couldn’t bring yourself to accept whatever offering the Camerons had left for you.

After giving your reflection a look, you turned your attention your room. You floated over to the vanity, a rustic wooden display decorated with gold trinkets. You’d only packed the essentials, meaning you’d limited yourself to mascara, concealer, blush and lipgloss. You slid onto the matching stool decking to touch up your makeup, wiping away the smudged mascara and applying a fresh coat of lip gloss. Lip gloss always had a way of brightening your mood, even now. You certainly knew how to get dolled up, like Rafe said, and lucky for him, you liked makeup and clothes that made you feel breezy and feminine.

When the room grew quiet, Rafe’s words rattled around in your head. You’d always done what your father had said, let him lead you in all aspects of your life, because you trusted him. You couldn’t wrap your mind around how your father expected you to trust someone else. In the end, he was the reason you were here now. He’d handed you over to someone else, like, what? A trade deal? The whole thing was completely unreal.

Something caught your attention outside the large windows. Rolling pastures stretched out before you, dotted with fences and patches of wildflowers swaying gently. Your gaze drifted toward the yard below. Rain trickled down slowly but you realized the figures moving in the distance, behind a tall white fence, were Juliet and John B. Making his way to the fence’s edge, now adorned in a work jacket and dark hat to protect from the rain, was Rafe.

They were soon deep in conversation. Your eyes lingered on Rafe’s figure a little too long before shifting to Juliet, whose movements were graceful and unbothered. She had been alone for so long, your father had been forced to sell the other three horses your family owned years ago, and her care had undoubtedly suffered as your father’s health declined. Surely, the Camerons had at least a hundred horses and the resources to ensure Juliet was well cared for and had proper company. For a moment, you wondered if she might be happier here, happier than even you.

You were grateful for the distraction when a knock came at your door an hour later. You expected it to be Rafe, but a fleeting thought made you pause, would Rafe even bother knocking?

When you opened the door, you were surprised to find a dark-haired girl standing there, no older than fifteen. She was smiling, her eyes full of curiosity.

"Hey," she said, giving you a once-over with a playful look. "I’m Wheezie, Rafe’s little sister.”

So this was the other Cameron sibling? You smiled instinctively and offered your hand. "Oh, hi! I’m Y/N."

You blinked, studying her more carefully. She looked nothing like Rafe, and in that moment, she seemed almost... approachable. Less intimidating. Her warmth, however, felt almost out of place given the situation.

"I like your outfit," she said, her gaze scanning your clothes and makeup. "And your makeup. Ugh, I wish I could do mine like that. Sarah never has time to show me how."

“Sarah?” you asked, a little confused.

"My older sister," Wheezie explained, raising an eyebrow as if surprised. "Rafe’s never mentioned her?"

You shook your head, realizing she might think you'd known Rafe longer than just today. “Uh, no. He hasn’t.”

"Well, there’s three of us," Wheezie continued, her voice casual. "And Rose, our step-mom."

“Oh, okay,” You nodded, taking in all of the information. You weren’t at all used to meeting new people, “It’s nice to meet you. Can I ask you if Mr. Ward is home yet? I kinda need to speak with him.”

Wheezie’s expression shifted slightly, a hint of disappointment flickering in her eyes. “Him and Rose have been gone all day. Cattle auction, I think. They probably won’t be back until dinner.”

You tried not to let the disappointment show on your face. It wasn’t urgent, but you had hoped to speak with Ward sooner rather than later. Part of you wanted to officially see the contract he’d wrote up with your father. Could two men really decide together that you should be married off? Was that still legal? Wheezie, sensing your hesitation, brightened up and added, “I could show you around the house in the meantime.”

You thought about it for a second, then smiled. “Sure, that would be nice.”

Joining Wheezie out in the hallway, your tour began. Wheezie led you to Rafe’s room first, just beside yours. “He likes to keep it locked,” she said with a grin, “Or else I’d totally snoop around with you.”

You liked her instantly. Moving down the hall, you passed Ward’s study, a room that felt both timeless and functional. It had a desk covered in papers and shelves filled with books. Next was the master bedroom, a room with dark wood furniture and soft linens.

Finally, Wheezie opened the door to the library. Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled the room, and large armchairs were scattered around a grand fireplace. It felt like the perfect spot for quiet moments.

You couldn’t help but feel small in this place. It held the warmth of a family home but it was massive, the ceilings too high, and had decor that screamed “we’re wealthy”.

Downstairs, the living room was the first stop, a grand space with towering ceilings. Soft leather sofas and enormous windows that offered a breathtaking view of the stretching land and mountains in the distance.

Moving through the open archway into the kitchen, you took note of counters made of polished stone, dark wood cabinets, and the appliances all state-of-the-art. The kitchen was bustling with a couple of workers, one chopping vegetables at the counter, the other pulling something out of the oven. You noticed a door that led out to a terrace.

“These are all Rose’s renovations. She’s really into interior design, and all that stuff.”

“And the people. They work here all the time?” you asked, intrigued.

“My Dad can grill, but Rose doesn’t cook at all. So they get help,” Wheezie explained with a shrug. “I think she likes having everything perfect, you know?”

“She does have really nice taste,” You spoke genuinely, fumbling with your fingers as you looked around.

Past the kitchen was the dining room, where a long, weathered table was set for what could easily be a dozen guests. The chandelier above was massive, its crystals catching the light and casting a glow over the room.

Wheezie led you into the garage next. The space was expansive, with polished concrete floors and a collection of vehicles parked neatly in their spots, sleek trucks, a few SUVs, and a couple of classic cars you assumed were more for show. Near the back of the garage, you spotted a few horseshoe-shaped saddles hanging on the wall, alongside an array of hunting gear. There were rifles and ammunition neatly organized on the shelves, a few pairs of boots stacked by the door, and weathered hunting jackets hanging from the walls. It was practical, but still had the polished look of the rest of the house, like nothing here was ever out of place.

“Do you ride?” Wheezie asked as you took in the details of the room.

“Yeah, I have a horse named Juliet,” you grinned. “Do you?”

“I can,” Wheezie replied with a shrug. “I’m not great at it. Sarah’s better, and Rafe—well, he’s good at things like that.”

“Does Sarah live here too?” you asked, curious.

“Yeah, but she’s been MIA for two days.” Wheezie’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “You can’t tell anyone this,” she continued, glancing around before leaning in closer. “She and John B. are a thing. And she hangs out with his friends.”

“It’s a secret?” you asked, intrigued but still unsure of the family dynamics at play.

Wheezie nodded, her eyes flicking to the door as if checking for eavesdroppers. “My dad wants her to be with someone whose family is... more prestigious, if that makes sense?”

You processed that for a moment, nodding slowly. “But my family’s not... prestigious. But Ward wants me to marry your brother.”

A mischievous glint sparked in Wheezie’s eyes. She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, clearly enjoying the tension in the air. “Is it true that Rafe got you pregnant and that’s why you have to live with us?”

You froze for a split second, then blurted out, “I am not!” You suddenly realized how loud you’d been and lowered your voice, grabbing Wheezie’s hand as you whispered urgently, “I am not.”

“Other people don’t think I’m pregnant, do they?” You continued, “Because I don’t think I’ve done anything that could lead to that…”

You questioned yourself for a moment, feeling a pang of uncertainty. You’d learned about the birds and the bees just once, when you were eleven, and it had been before your mother died. After that, your education had been limited, and anything beyond what she'd explained was a blur of confusion.

What you were certain of, though, was that the kiss with Rafe couldn’t have led to that. You had never heard of anything like that happening from a simple kiss. To your knowledge, you needed at least to sleep in the same bed for that to happen, and you and Rafe hadn’t crossed that line. Before your mind could wander to that possibility, Wheezie spoke.

“I’m not trying to be rude, just curious,” She said with a smirk, her tone light and teasing. “No one around here tells me anything.”

A few hours later you entered the dining room again with Wheezie. You’d spend a good amount of time in her room and she’d explained more about her family, including more details about Rafe. You learned that she was Rafe’s soft spot. That he was cold to almost everyone except her. Ward had a lot of expectations for him and Rafe did about everything he could to appease his father.

“I think Rafe just wants to do things his own way,” Wheezie had mused. “But, you know, my Dad has other ideas. He’s been trying to get Rafe to be more... ‘like him.’”

Kindly, you’d accepted her request for you to help her with her makeup. You’d done hers like yours, with bright blush and shiny lipgloss. She was so excited that she practically skipped down the stairs after, her happiness infectious as she bounced in front of you. A part of you couldn’t help but smile. Was this what it was like to have a sister? The feeling was new and strange, but warm, like something you hadn’t realized you’d been missing.

Rafe looked you over, as if he was offended by your choice in clothing, “What did I do?” You asked, innocently.

Maybe he didn’t think your outfit was cute.

“Come sit next to me,” he said, his voice smooth but laced with something possessive, as if he were commanding you rather than asking. He waved you over.

You hesitated, looking at Ward, who gave you a reassuring, welcoming smile, and then at Rose and Sarah. Sarah’s gaze was sharp, watching you with a kind of calculating curiosity, while Rose barely seemed to notice, her eyes distant and uninterested.

You exhaled slowly, making your way over to the seat next to Rafe. Your knees brushed against each other but he didn’t move his.

“Everyone, this is Y/N. I’ve known her family for years, and after that everything’s happened, she’s going to stay with us. She’s been through a lot.”

“Mm-hmm,” Rose murmured, almost absentmindedly. “It’s lovely to have you here with us.” Her tone wasn’t cold, but it certainly wasn’t warm, either.

Ward’s words seemed genuine, but you didn’t understand fully why he spoke so kindly. The two of you were practically strangers. Wheezie smiled brightly in reaction. Sarah, on the other hand, was looking you over even more closely than Rafe. You could see the thoughts swirling in your mind.

“I have a question-” She blurted out.

Ward interrupted, “I’d watch yourself, young lady.”

“I just want to make sure everything’s clear,” Sarah said softly, her voice quieter now. “I’m just... trying to understand why, that’s all. A marriage seems a little bit rushed, don’t you think? They didn’t even know each other before today.”

“They didn’t?” Wheezie raised an eyebrow.

The pressure in the room increased, “Sarah,” Ward began to warn her but it was Rafe who spoke up next.

Rafe’s voice cut through the growing tension, his tone firm, almost possessive. “It’s not rushed, Sarah,” he said, turning to look at her. “It’s just what it is. No need to complicate it.”

You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks, the sharpness of Rafe’s gaze making you shift uncomfortably in your seat. He answering for you, as if you didn’t have a say in how things were perceived.

Sarah didn’t flinch. Her eyes held a quiet defiance. As if to change the subject, Rafe continued, “What is that on your face, Wheeze?”

“It’s called makeup,” She shot back, annoyed, “Y/N did it.”

Rafe turned his head towards you, “It’s a little much for someone her age, don’t you think?”

“I think she looks really pretty. I started wearing makeup way younger than her,” You responded quietly but honestly, “That’s how you, like, get good at it.”

“See,” Wheezie stuck her tongue out at her older brother.

Suddenly, you felt Rafe’s hand touch your knee underneath the table. The warmth of Rafe’s hand on your knee sent a jolt through you, and for a moment, you couldn’t quite focus on anything else. His touch was unexpected, as though he’d done it without thinking, and yet, there was something deliberate about the way he kept his hand resting there.

Dinner was officially served moments later. Rafe’s hand remained there on your knee as you all began to eat the carefully prepared steak, potatoes and asparagus. Your steak was already cut into a pieces, a luxury that you didn’t even know others experienced.

Sarah pushed around her asparagus, “How do you feel about moving in with us so suddenly, Y/N? I mean, do you really know what you’re getting yourself into?”

You paused, unsure of what to say, your gaze instinctively shifting toward Rafe. His hand was still on your knee, but the grip felt firmer now, like he was holding you in place, keeping you from saying something that might upset the balance of things.

You bit your lip, trying to gather your thoughts, but when you opened your mouth, it all just came tumbling out. “It’s kinda overwhelming,” you started, your voice soft but a little unsure. “I miss… I miss my Dad. And you guys have all this land, and this house is so huge, it’s hard to wrap my head around it all.” You glanced at Sarah, then back to your plate. “And, like, I didn’t think I’d get married this young, but… if it’s really what my Dad wanted…”

You trailed off, feeling a little embarrassed. Sarah’s gaze softened slightly, “It’s a big step. Are you sure you’re ready?”

Up until that point, you hadn’t realized you had a choice in all of this. You could see she wasn’t questioning you out of judgement. She almost looked concerned.

“Enough, Sarah,” Ward spoke sharply, “This is bigger than what one person thinks is right. I don’t expect you to understand but it’s about responsibility. Rafe is growing up and he’s decided to take on new responsibilities. I don’t see why you can’t be supportive.”

“I just think she deserves more time to decide,” Sarah said.

“There isn’t a rush. I’m not rushing them, that’s for certain. Rafe and Y/N will take the time to get to know each other.”

The room fell quiet for a moment. You could feel the weight of everyone’s eyes on you. You glanced at him and noticed the subtle shake of his head, as if dismissing the entire idea. “What’s the point in waiting? You can plan a wedding in a few weeks, right?”

“Rafe, son, don’t you think two should spend some time together?”

“No, Dad, we’ll get married as soon as possible. If Y/N wants to have a real ceremony, Rose can plan it, but I’d be down to just go to the courthouse.”

Your breath hitched in your throat.

“Rafe,” Sarah leaned forward in her seat, “Are you actually crazy?”

How did we get here? You had no answers, just a rush of emotions you couldn’t quite put into words. Maybe you should’ve said something, but the lump in your throat made it hard to think.

“We’ll figure it out” Rafe said, cutting her off. He turned his attention to you, his gaze intense but unreadable. “Right, darling?”

The way he looked at you made your stomach twist. It was as though he was asking you to confirm something you didn’t fully understand yourself. You opened your mouth to respond, but Wheezie chimed in before you could.

“Dude, that’s like, so not romantic!” she exclaimed, scrunching her nose. “You haven’t even proposed yet!”

Sarah seized the moment, leaning back in her chair with a smirk. “Exactly. At least ask her properly, Rafe. Or are you afraid she’ll say no?”

The air at the table grew heavier. You glanced at Ward, who looked ready to intervene, but Rafe beat him to it. His lips curled into a tight smile, though his eyes flashed with something darker. “You think I’m afraid of that, Sarah?” he asked, his tone deceptively calm.

All you could think about was the way Rafe’s hand hadn’t left your knee, his grip steady, as if anchoring you to him despite the chaos swirling around the table.

“Can we drop it, please?” Rafe asked, his tone deep and final.

“I want Y/N to stay,” Wheezie decided.

“We all want Y/N to stay,” Ward clarified.

“Well, good,” Rose chimed in, her smile polished and hollow. “Then it’s settled.”

At the end of dinner, Ward leaned back in his chair, addressing you, “You’ll find we take care of our own here, sweetheart. Anything you need, you only have to ask.”

“Thank you,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. You weren’t sure what else to say.

“We should get going,” Rafe announced abruptly, pushing his chair back and rising to his feet. His hand left your knee, only to find the small of your back as he helped you up.

Wheezie pouted. “But we haven’t even had dessert!”

“Next time, Wheeze,” Rafe replied, his tone firm. “Come on, Y/N.”

You followed him out of the dining room, feeling the eyes of his entire family on your back.

“Where are we going?” You asked, trying to keep up with Rafe’s long strides. He’d given you his jacket and asked you to put on your boots, before guiding you out the front door. You clutched the jacket tightly, the night beginning to turn cool. The sky was still heavy with the remnants of rain but an orange and pink sun began to lower in the sky, peaking behind soft, gray clouds, “Rafe?”

High grass tickled the bare legs hidden beneath your skirt as you walked into the fields, “Just for a walk. That okay with you?”

“You know, sometimes I think you really don’t care what’s okay with me.” Rafe flashed you an amused look, “Oh yeah? Maybe I like making decisions for you.”

You snorted in disbelief but your heart fluttered nonetheless.

"What's the real reason you brought me out here?" You asked, pushing the conversation forward despite the tension.

Rafe stopped and turned to face you, his expression unreadable for a moment. He studied you, like he was considering his words carefully. "Maybe I just wanted to see you without all the noise around us. No distractions. Just you and me."

The ranch stretched out before you, vast and quiet. The ground beneath your feet was soft as you walked, fast enough to follow Rafe’s steps. A faint hum of crickets began to rise in the distance.

A modest building tucked near the tree line, far from the main house came into view, “That’s the ranch hand’s quarters,” Rafe explained, “You won’t need to be over there, it’s no place for a woman.”

The sun continued to hang lower as you walked, casting a golden hue over the land. Rafe led you further into the sprawling escape, pointing out different landmarks, “This land’s been my family’s for generations. But my Dad was the one who made it what it was today. It’s very important to me. This land and all the hard work that’s put into it.”

“My dad’s tough on me but it’s his legacy, you know? It’s more than just making money or raising cattle. I don’t know, I just want to protect what I have. Make sure my kids and my grandkids have it, ya' know?”

He didn’t look for your understanding, his words genuine, but the look on his face was guarded. He paused, his jaw tightening slightly, “You don’t to get to be part of something big and not feel like you’ve got to give everything you have to it.”

“What if…” Your voice trailed as you tried to collect your thoughts, “How do I know it’s something I want to be apart of?”

“As my wife, you’d stand beside me. You’d build with me. Raise our children. Make a home. You’d make everything that I’m working towards, worth it. That’s a life with purpose, yeah?”

As he spoke, his voice deep and steady, you found yourself drawn to the way his features seemed to soften, despite the intensity of his words. Those blue eyes were focused on you with an intensity that made your throat go dry.

He stood taller now, the weight of his words pressed in on you and you could see the full picture he was painting. It wasn’t just the land. It was you. It was him. It was a family.

“Yeah,” You agreed, the word leaving your lips before you could stop it. Your gaze drifted, almost involuntarily, to his lips. They were slightly parted, the edge of his mouth curling just a bit as he spoke, and for a moment, you forgot where you were.

“Yeah,” Rafe agreed, a knowing look on his face, and his hand found the small of your back, “I owe you something, don’t I?”

“Owe me?” Your voice faltered. What was he talking about?

Rafe didn’t answer right away. Instead, he simply pulled you forward, his hand firm against your back as he guided you through the tall grass. You didn’t have time to question him before the two of you reached a secluded barn, tall and clay-colored, tucked far away from the main house. The air smelled faintly of hay and wood, the earthy scent of the ranch settling around you. But you barely had time to take in your surroundings before Rafe was pulling you into him. His hand slid to the back of your neck, drawing you closer, until his lips were on yours.

The kiss Rafe Cameron had promised you.

All those thoughts you had about the land, the future, everything he’d said, it all slipped away.

Someone, something, had overtaken you. Something ached inside of you, a part of your very being that had never been satisfied. You felt like an animal, desperate, grabbing at Rafe’s shirt, wanting him closer. He was already pressed tightly against you but deep down you wanted more.

His lips weren’t as gentle as you remembered, they enveloped your mouth, his tongue tasting you, his arms keeping you where he wanted as he explored you.Without warning, he tugged you into an empty stall, the scent of hay and leather thick in the air. His hands were at the edges of your jacket now, pulling it open, his fingers brushing against your skin as the cool air of the barn nipped at your exposed flesh.

A startled yelp escaped your lips as you felt his hands bunching up your skirt, the fabric sliding higher until it was gathered above your hips. Your eyes flew open, but Rafe was relentless, his mouth still claiming yours with fervent, unyielding kisses. You didn’t know exactly how babies were made but you had a feeling you were getting closer than you’d ever had before. Before you could process it, Rafe lifted you effortlessly, his hands sliding to cup your bottom as he held you tightly against him. Part of you began to panic.

Then, with deliberate care, he laid you down. not on the rough ground but on his jacket, which was spread beneath you. Darkened eyes met your panicked ones. This was much more than a kiss. Although you’d enjoyed that part of the exchange, you weren’t sure you wanted more, “Rafe,” You whispered, your voice uncertain, as he moved his mouth from your lips to the sides of your mouth. Your mind raced, trying to keep up with the whirlwind of sensations. You pushed at his chest and felt you were pushing against a boulder. There would know way to get from underneath him, even if you tried, “Are… you gonna put a baby in me?”

He paused, lifting his head to look you in the eye and you had to remind yourself to breathe in that moment, “Jesus Christ. You’re something else, you know that?” Rafe grinned and some of your uncertainty went away. His reaction made the moment feel more lighthearted, like there wasn’t a boundary being crossed, like his intentions were innocent.

“I like the kissing,” You admitted, “It feels good b-but I’m scared–”

Rafe shushed you, peppering gentle kisses along your jawline, until he reached the side of your neck. Your thighs clenched tightly, your head tilted back, and you couldn’t control your moaning. Rafe spread your legs with his own, his jeans brushing against the smoothness of your thighs. He pressed his lower half into you and you felt something as hard as a rock, rubbing against your panties. It was then, your core started to feel like it was on fire.

“Don’t be scared, it’ll just hurt for a moment,” Rafe spoke against your skin, huskily, his voice almost sounding like he was in pain, “You’re just gonna lay still for me, I need you to help me to take care of something.”

“Hurt?” You questioned, your mind hanging on that word. Then you thought back to your question. He hadn’t really answered.

He seemed to ignore you again, his mouth moving lower on your body. He pulled your shirt down, and as your breasts spilled from their constraints, he left kisses on your nipples. Your head tilted back again when he took one of your nipples fully into his mouth, “Rafe,” You whispered but the sound of his name only seem to push him further. His fingers traced the edge of your panties before he slipped his fingers inside, brushing over your folds. You were wet down there, you realized, and mostly out of embarrassment, you started to pull away, “Please don’t touch me there.”

You watched his pupils dilate as he stared down at you intently. He kept one hand in your underwear and wrapped his other around your throat, quickly, as if his body was reacting instinctively to your defiance.

“Don’t tell me that,” Rafe said, almost growling, and your hands wrapped around his wrist, trying to push away his hand as you struggled to breathe, “I have to touch ya' here, darlin’. I’m gonna be your husband. This belongs to me, understand?”

Your eyes widened as he rubbed circles over your sensitive skin. Your hips bucked in reaction and you silenced your moans, knowing you only had so much air to breathe, “Say you understand. Say yes.”

You nodded your head quickly, “Yes,” You whispered.

You were grateful when he loosed his grip around your throat, “It’s a good thing you’re wet. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just means this is what your body wants, baby. You already want to make me happy.”

You weren’t quite sure at what moment your body decided to freeze. Your nerves were overwhelmed, of course, and it seemed like you’d come out less scathed from the situation if you did as Rafe said. You could stay still and take it. There was something happening with Rafe you didn’t understand but he was acting as though he needed something and you were only one who could provide it. You could stay still and take it if it would make him happy, right? It’s a good thing to make other people happy.

You focused on the kisses on your lips, the way his soft mouth moved methodically over yours. The faint jangle of metal pulled you back to the moment, a sound you barely registered until you felt the press of something impossibly hard, slowly pushing against a place you hadn’t realized could take him. His manhood, you assumed, what made him different from you. It hurt like he said it would but not for just a moment. Were all manhoods this size? This is what your body really wants?

“Relax,” he murmured, his voice low and soothing despite the edge of strain. His hand brushed over your trembling thigh, steadying you as your body tried to accommodate him. “You’re okay. I promise.”

He started to rock into you once you felt completely full to the brim. Initially, it felt even worse than him pushing all the way inside you. Tears fell and your breath grew rapid, “It hurts,” You whimpered, “It really hurts.”

“It’s okay,” He said, maintaining his pace, “You’re okay, darlin’. You’re doing great. It’s just your first time. Gotta get used to me, that's all.”

“Are-are you putting a baby in me, Rafe?” You asked, your voice an innocent whisper. His grip on you tightened as his rhythm grew more deliberate, his words spilling out in a low growl.

“Fuck yes, darlin’,” he said, his voice thick with unrestrained desire. “I’m gonna put a baby in you.”

His hands, his words, the pain between your legs that was slowly turning to pleasure, it made you dizzy, and you couldn’t keep track of your thoughts. You belonged to him? A baby? It didn’t make sense, but part of you felt comforted by the intensity of him. You trusted he knew more. Everything’s okay. You were okay. It felt like something you were supposed to be, so you let go and let him have you.

a/n: i only tag people who reblog the fic AND let me know their thoughts, thank you :)

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sashayed · 1 day ago

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ok now it is time to air my grievances with severance s2, a season of television i thoroughly enjoyed and looked forward to every week. s2 is mr milchick putting on a spectacular drumline Just For Me and what do they get for it. trapped behind a vending machine (readmore cut) while i batter them with a trombone. classic ingratitude.

my umbrella gripe btw is that showrunner dan erickson's figurative innie is actually Ricken and he won't admit it and until he does we are never going to see the show that severance Could Be. like ricken is a pretentious nightmare who is insulated from the consequences of his own actions. he's also got a fascinating way with words (fond, derogatory) and a heart that yearns for love and he is really trying to Say Something. ok well that's what this show is. accept this and reconcile with yourself Dan Erickson (or should I say DAN: SO RICKEN??? boom anagrammed!!) or keep displacing all your sins onto that one character and doom this show to eternal alienation from its own core themes.

i think we can all admit that pacing in this season sucks and they had enough time to do it better. and the thing is imo if you were really committed to storytelling you would have to cut some of the most fun/fanservicey individual scenes of the season. i can see why you might choose not to do that! like for instance the baby goats thing. i get it. it looked soooo fun to film with the baby goats. visually the pasture room is great. gwendoline christie is a gift. it's fun! but it doesn't actually uhhh serve the story to spend all that time on it. it doesn't shed any new light. "they are sacrificing the goats because lumon is a creepy cult." we KNOW they are a creepy cult. "lumon thinks innies are non-people who don't experience love and care, but they DO experience love and care and that motivates them." brother we know that too!! "ok but wasn't it all worth it for that heavyweight christie/olafsson finale fight scene." i will concede this point. that ruled.

pacing problems never worse than in "sweet vitriol," an episode i actually enjoyed more than everyone else, but it didn't need to be a standalone and in fact was badly served by the format!! many in your audience have forgotten to give a shit about ms cobel so the revelation that she invented severance doesn't hit for them. splitting her storyline up and dividing it among episodes starting earlier would have kept her more consistently in play and opened up space for underserved character arcs, like dylan aND IRVING—

—because as much fun as burving demon threesome is it is so underbaked and wastes one of the show's coolest characters. WHO IS IRVING. WHY IS HE SLEEPERAGENTING LUMON. you're gonna put him on a train to the farm for old dogs and be like "all was well because love is more important than revenge :)" ??? like sure but again it DOESN'T HIT because it doesn't require the viewer to struggle with WHAT IRVING'S DRIVING FORCE ACTUALLY WAS. and he doesn't even get to kiss. let him kiss!!!!

I actually think having reintegration move at an unpredictable pace and having its side effects be unclear is not the worst idea, and in fact as an allegory for like, real life healing and becoming a Whole Person i maybe even prefer it. but the pacing problems move it beyond "this process is unfolding gradually and erratically" into "we have forgotten this is happening" and it just didn't have to be that way, man. side note there is something fascinating going on with helly's uncomfortable, unwilling quasi-reintegration from the innie side! from the moment she finds herself in front of that gala to hearing jame say he doesn't love his daughter, she is accepting the fact that SHE IS HELENA. she is thinking about how She as a first-person experiencer of the world could find herself in helena's position (which helena—who is less of a grownup than her innie—is still unable/unwilling to do). i've read some criticism of that final scene (which i loved btw) that was like "helly's goal has always been to dismantle lumon, why would she give that up for A Man? wouldn't she push mark s. out the door and be like BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND?" sure, but i think that doesn't engage with helly's arc either—which is not about revolutionary conviction OR about A Man but about about discovering that SHE wants to live, she doesn't want to hang herself in the elevator out of spite, she wants her half-a-life even if it means a degree of complicity with her evil outie. on the other hand, does the WRITING actually engage with helly's arc? or am i getting all that from britt lower??

speaking of making actors do all the work: we as a show are going to grapple with corporate racism and the Black experience :) no we're not :) or are we? ;) you're welcome :)))

i don't love gemma's backstory boiling down to Woman Want Baby. "Greatest Agony for Woman Is Want Baby and Can't Have Baby" is a storyline that makes me personally grimace. but i accept that that's a personal preference and honestly dichen lachman sells her character/s so beautifully that i didn't even remember to bitch about it when i originally wrote this. i just remembered it and had to edit this post because god forbid i don't complain about something. (although. now that i AM complaining about it: putting someone through three years of torture and then being like "we'll prove this fresh consciousness is unaffected by suffering by going all the way back to the baby thing, because 'no baby,' not years of torture and isolation, is the fundamental pain at the root of this woman's being," is...........a choice!!!!! it's a choice. and if it were a deliberate narrative choice, like if it were about how the lumon ideology fundamentally conceives of women, that would be one thing! but i just don't think it is.)

did i mention i really liked this season and had a great time. i did. i am bitching about it because i have a fun time rotating it in my mind. maybe it's actually very brave and artistic to make a show that is not as well-crafted as it could be because then you are opening up intellectual/creative space for your viewers. what about that. if you think about it maybe a slightly less good show is better than a great show. in a way. checkmate haters

#severance spoilers #if u see this in the real tags: no u don't. pretend i'm not here.

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firstkanaphans · 3 days ago

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Ik nothing about inn I haven't watched any shows (I'm emfkjd mains) but I am fascinated by the lore in your inn posts who is this man what is his life I need to know more gimme a primer pls and shows to watch I'm mesmerized by the energy

Oh, Anon, I would love to! Full disclaimer: I only became a fan of Inn after he joined GMMTV so everything that happened before then, I've had to piece together through sketchy Twitter posts that may or may not be accurate and an obscene amount of Instagram stalking. But these are things as I understand them:

In 2022, Inn starred in a BL called "The Miracle of Teddy Bear" where he played a teddy bear that comes to life and falls in love with its owner. It's a fantastic BL and I do recommend it (more on that below), but it's ridiculously long. 16 episodes, an hour and a half each, and surprisingly heavy subject matter for what sounds like it should be a light-hearted drama. Inn did a fantastic job—so much so that it's still hard for me to see him as anything other than an anthropomorphic teddy bear—but while the show was airing, rumors started to surface that Inn had a boyfriend (which he did).

I don't know the specifics, but the general fan perception seems to be that Channel 3 was not happy with these rumors and blamed Inn for them, which led to a rift with his management. Because of that, he left Channel 3 and moved over to GMMTV instead where he knew upon signing that he would be paired with Great, who he was friends with during university. You can listen to Great tell the whole story of how they came to be paired here (with some amusing asides from Inn).

And now for the juicy stuff...

This, my friends, is Inn's boyfriend/husband/business partner, Tie Kuhapremkit. If you couldn't tell, he's a model by trade.

Are you starting to see why I'm obsessed with them now?

I have no clue when Inn and Tie started dating—they were liking each others photos on Instagram all the way back in 2016—but what I do know is that they opened Holiday Pastry together in 2022 and started wearing matching $13k Cartier Love rings that same year. Here's some photos of them wearing the rings at their new bakery launch earlier this month.

I have not yet found a single picture of them alone together. Even in group photos, they are careful to have at least one person between them, and that lack of photos is, in itself, conspicuous. They own three businesses together. The fact that there are no photos of them is honestly impressive. (I did find a Twitter user who documents all their Lovestagrams if you want to do a deep dive.)

Inn obviously has ample motivation to keep his relationship private, but I think the reason I've become so obsessed with him and Tie is because it's such a great representation of what this industry could become if fans weren't so toxic. Not only does Inn get an IRL boyfriend, but he also gets an on-screen boyfriend who he gets paid to flirt with. And his two boyfriends get along!

Here's a picture of Great at Tie's birthday dinner (please also note how far away from Tie Inn moved to take this picture).

And here's a video of Tie accidentally walking out of the kitchen at their bakery just as Inn was hugging Great in front of their fans.

It’s all just so perfect. But unfortunately, fans are toxic and one of the most often cited reasons for GreatInn’s lack of popularity is that fact that since Inn has a boyfriend and people are aware of it, they can’t delude themselves into thinking he's with Great, which takes some of their fun away. To those people, I just say: Where is your imagination? Because GreatInn do more fanservice than every other GMMTV CP combined. Here is Inn telling everyone that he and Great practiced their NC scenes on his kitchen counter. And here is Great making sure you know that Inn has a big penis too.

As for the kids, you can watch this video of Inn explaining it himself. The kids are the biological children of his housekeeper but she was going to send them away, so Inn offered to take them in instead. Obviously, I don't know their exact arrangement, but Inn does refer to the kids as his. Like just look at these pictures. I’m melting.

Sorry for the machine translation on the second one. It's mostly accurate except his son's names is Saifah, which means "thunder." So he's saying Saifah doesn't cry. (And also, yes. Poon has liked every single one of Inn's pictures as far back as I've scrolled—which is far. Do with that information what you will.)

Saifah and Fahsai's mom also recently had a third child that seems to be living at Inn's house as well.

In addition to all of that, Inn is also just a character in his own right. He’s sassy and spoiled and I watch every single variety show or interview he appears in because it’s always a great time. From pole dancing on Live House to being bitter it's "GreatInn" instead of "InnGreat" to complaining that Great gave him the wrong number of roses on Valentine's Day. He's just an amazing human and I am obsessed with him.

As for which shows you should watch, definitely check out WandeeGoodday. It's a GMMTV show and highlights his chemistry with Great really well. I would also recommend The Miracle of Teddy Bear—especially if you're a fan of The Eclipse because the original stories were written by the same author. However, Miracle of Teddy Bear deals with some heavy topics including child abuse so please make sure you're in the right headspace for that.

Inn and Great are currently halfway through filming their second show together, Memoir of Rati, and they're making quick time so I imagine it'll probably be on air within the next three months.

I hope this was helpful? And I hope it makes you want to watch more of his shows because he deserves all the love and support in the world.

#jesus christ i wrote more than i meant to #i just have a lot of feelings #ignore me #inn sarin #asks

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miss-oranje-disco-dancer · 7 hours ago

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then send me a son

pairing: joel miller x reader

cws/tags: so much angst (w/ happy ending! i swear), discussion of suicide attempt (the canon one), suicidal ideations, losing a child, losing a parent, survivors guilt, discussions of abortion, unplanned pregnancy, p in v, oral sex, virginity loss (but it's not that big of deal/not a kink), both dealing w grief, ellie is dead, this is set in jackson post tlou pt I

summary: joel is put on suicide watch after he returns to jackson w/o ellie and reader becomes his 'caregiver' of sorts. lowkey enemies to lovers but also not bc it's kinda one-sided 'hatred'

a/n: author is pro-choice! and also understands the complexities of mental health that reader and joel do not at times (just wanted to make it clear that i understand... from personal experience... what depression is like as well as suicidal ideation).

title is from the song 'the suburbs' by arcade fire, but listen to the entirety of the suburbs (album) and funeral (album) if you want to understand my mindframe while writing this

the last sentence is a quote and i've reblogged it before but i'll find the image and post it/reblog it again

wc: 9.4k

masterlist | ko-fi | taglist

Joel is just surprised Tommy has the gall to ask, “Where’s Ellie?” when he arrives in Jackson alone.

In this world, when two people leave and only one comes back, you don’t ask because you already know what happened. You wait for that person to tell you about a miracle, and when they don’t, you know for sure.

“Heaven, if you believe in that sort of thing,” is Joel’s response.

But Joel doesn’t believe in Heaven or Hell, or anything other than ashes and dirt.

“I don’t know what to say,” Tommy says because he’d already said ‘I’m sorry’ when Sarah died, and that didn’t bring her back.

It takes a hefty amount of booze to get Joel to tell the story.

“I just hope she died for something. Then, at least, I’ll know I’m being selfish.”

I didn’t get that with Sarah, he thinks. She didn’t die for a ‘noble cause’. He doubts Ellie did either.

“You’re being put on watch,” Maria tells him the next morning – when he’s sober and asking what his duties are now that he’s back.

Life goes on, which means work goes on, so what’s my job? As long as it’s not burning bodies, I’ll be okay.

“Watch? Like I’m watching, or I’m being watched.”

“Being watched.”

He asks why, though he doesn’t need to. Tommy knows why he’s got that scar on his forehead.

“Fucking authoritarian bullshit,” he mutters, half into his pillow. “Thought you were a communist.”

“I am. And this has nothing to do with that.”

“I bet Tommy put you up to it anyway.”

“He didn’t ‘put me up to anything’.”

“But he told you, didn’t he?”

“He told me a long time ago.”

“Figures. You always knew I was a coward.”

“You say stuff like that, and then act like you don’t need help.”

“I didn’t say I don’t need help. I said I don’t want it.”

She’s silent, letting him continue. “Now let me grieve in peace, will you?”

She hums something akin to agreement, but asks for something that sounds like protest to him. “Where’s your gun?”

“Which one?”

“All of ‘em.”

He tells her because he doesn’t want Tommy or anyone else searching through all his bullshit because that’s what happens if he doesn’t give ‘em up.

“Want my kitchen knives too?” he says, almost wryly.

She takes most of them, but leaves the more blunt ones out of sympathy. He can have butter on his toast. Unless she takes the toaster so he can’t take it with him in the bathtub.

She leaves the toaster, and then, leaves him alone.

Quite frankly, he’s too old to kill himself. Sure, people do it at his age, but he’s so goddamn tired. Moreover, he knows he could get someone else to do it pretty easily. Maybe he could be a martyr. He could save someone from a clicker or a soldier. He could save someone’s life for once. But would that be enough to save his soul? To make it to Heaven and see Ellie and Sarah again?

Maybe, he would, if God really does love people the way some say he does. But if Joel was God, he’d deny himself entry.

He stays in bed for the rest of the day. Aside from the two times he eats. And once in the middle of the night to take a piss because he may be depressed, but the last of his dignity is motivation enough not to wet the bed.

He doesn’t shower or change his clothes. Not like he’s wearing a shirt anyway, just boxers ‘cause it’s too hot outside and he doesn’t want to get up and turn on the fan. Sleep doesn’t come easy, but it comes. It comes because it has to, reluctant as it is.

He wakes up to the voice of an unfamiliar woman. Quieter than Ellie or Sarah, less stern than Maria or Tess. Not like he was expecting to hear from three out of four of those women, not outside of his dreams.

You’ve always cared about people, saving lives and all that. But you’re no good with a gun, so Tommy finds a better job than patrol for you.

“You’re going to be watching my brother, Joel.”

“Like, spying on him?”

“No, like making sure he doesn’t kill himself.”

A suicidal man is nothing new, especially in this world, but Tommy’s bluntness about it is. He acts as if it’s a normal job. Like the ones in office buildings that sound wonderful even though the people who tell you about them assure you it was barely better than life is now. This new watchmen position is the same as patrol, in a way. Terrifying in the gravity it holds. You have to keep someone alive.

You can shoot deer, you can run quickly, you can hide well. You can survive on your own. But, at age 10, your mom bled out as you sat by her side. You were too weak to carry her, to dig a grave and bury her. Your survival feels unearned, but you’re no good with guns. You’d miss if you tried to do it. That’s a rare thought anyway, and surely not one you plan to ever speak aloud. They’d put you on watch too, which sounds suffocating, in all honesty.

You don’t know Joel. You’ve heard his name in passing, but you arrived in Jackson during the period of time he was gone. He was going to take some girl to some hospital for something or other.

“What about that girl?” you ask. “Is she not taking care of him?”

“She’s not around anymore.”

“Oh,” you say.

He just nods. The ‘why’ of the whole arrangement makes sense, but you’re still unclear on the ‘how’. Am I just supposed to stay in his house 24/7? Is he allowed to shower on his own? Do I have to cook or do laundry?

“Just check in on him. He’s not the most… personable, but don’t take anything he says to heart.”

Just check in on him. It sounds simpler than it will be, you know that much. Even keeping a plant alive takes more than ‘checking in on it’.

You arrive at his house around 10 AM. You assume he’ll be awake, but when you look around his living room and kitchen, you can’t find him. Oh God, you think. What if he’s…

He’s asleep in bed. You’re pretty sure. He’s lying there and there’s no evidence that anything’s wrong, but when you say his name from the doorway, he doesn’t move. So, you walk closer to him, just to make sure he’s breathing.

“Joel,” you say softly – because your other option is reaching out to touch him, and you feel that’s a little too personal, especially when he’s not wearing a shirt.

“Who the Hell are you and how did you get into my house?” he says.

“Tommy sent me.”

“Oh, so they’re making you watch me?”

“Yeah.”

You’re glad he knows about the arrangement. Maybe he’ll give you some direction on what to do with him.

“Must hate you if they stuck you with me.”

You can’t tell if he’s being ironic, but you hope so. Still, you don’t know how to respond. You decide on a simple, “I’ll let you get some sleep. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”

Though you’re alone in the room, you sit with perfect posture on Joel’s couch, looking around at the decor – or lack thereof – looking for clues about who this man is.

You think about making him breakfast, but you’d have to raid his cabinets to do so, and you’re terrified to make any missteps when it comes to Joel. You don’t think he’ll kill himself over burnt toast, but there is a persistent need lodged inside your brain to make him like you. It’s a little selfish when you should be focused on just keeping him alive, but maybe if he likes you, he’ll feel better, maybe you’ll feel better too. That’s still nothing but the ever-lingering hope in your heart. But it’s something.

He comes downstairs eventually, in a t-shirt and a pair of pajama bottoms.

“Good morning,” you say.

“No, it ain’t,” he says, heading in the direction of the kitchen.

“Do you want me to help you with anything? Breakfast or coffee?”

“I can make my own damn coffee, kid.”

And he does. The first shred of kindness you get from him is an offer to pour you a cup.

“I’m alright, but thank you.”

He sits down in a chair across from you and sips his coffee as you watch him awkwardly.

“Are you really gonna do that all day?”

“Do what?”

“Sit there and stare at me.”

“I don’t know what else to do.”

“You could leave, for starters.”

“I’ll get in trouble.”

“What? You afraid Tommy’ll get upset with you?”

“A little.”

“He’s a softie. I wouldn’t worry too much.”

You are worried. Sure, you want Tommy to be happy with you, but moreover, you don’t want to leave Joel alone lest something happen to him. You might not know the guy very well, but you’d hate to see someone take their own life.

“Can I just stay here? I promise I’ll leave you alone.”

He shrugs, and you take it as a yes.

He does not need a caregiver or a watchman. He does not need you, but you look like a kicked puppy and there’s no way he’ll force you to leave. Another young girl he’ll reluctantly let stick by his side. It’s almost cruel of Tommy to send someone like you. Someone young and full of life. Someone he has a hard time pushing away.

He should’ve sent Joel a crotchety old bitch or a drill sergeant. Maybe Tommy thinks he’s doing Joel a favor by giving him a nice girl, polite and eager to please. It’s a good thing your chipper attitude irritates him. It’s the first item on the very small list of qualities that Joel dislikes.

At first, he insists on making his own food. You’re still a guest, even if he’s reluctant to have you as one. It doesn’t matter where he lives, he’ll always have been raised in Texas. He’ll always hear his mother calling him out on his lack of manners. His hospitality is force of habit.

Plus, if he lets you do anything for him, he’ll owe you something – at least in his mind. And he doesn’t want to owe anyone anything. He doesn’t want to give or get or build any kind of rapport with you whatsoever, especially since you seem to take all attention as progress, despite the fact that Joel is harsh with you most of the time.

The whole ordeal makes him feel like more of a failure than he did before. He couldn’t save Ellie, or Sarah for that matter, and now he’s being forced into his own retirement or held hostage depending on how you look at it, so he can’t even get the satisfaction that productivity brings.

He also finds himself pretty fucking bored without work. He became so used to being in constant battle, even in his sleep. One wrong move and he was dead. The worst injury he’s gotten in the past few weeks was a paper cut.

Reading was never his biggest hobby, but it’s not bad when you find the right book. Often, you’ll sit across the room from him and read a book of your own, and the silence as he relaxes into the couch is quite peaceful for a change.

No amount of peace and quiet can cure his boredom, though. It makes him antsy, and you notice. You notice a lot when your job is just staring at him, it seems.

“I found a book of crossword puzzles,” you announce.

“Congratulations,” Joel says.

“I thought since you were bored, I’d give them to you, and maybe you could do them…”

By the look on your face, he can guess that you’re regretting your words. Lest he make you cry, he accepts the book.

“Plus, it looks kind of old so I don’t know if I’d know how to do it myself,” you add.

He knows you don’t mean it as an insult, but it sounds like one, and it makes him laugh. The list of qualities Joel likes about you is already long — and buried deep in his subconscious — but he’ll have to add the fact that you can make him laugh.

“Are you calling me old?”

“Not in a bad way. You’re just older than I am.”

He flips through the book and finds that about 80% of them are done.

“Somebody did most of these already.”

“I’m sorry… maybe I could erase that person’s answers and then you could do them?”

“I think I’d still be able to tell.”

You hang your head in defeat.

“Gimme a pencil and I’ll try the ones that aren’t done yet.”

You look through his junk drawer, find a pencil, and hand it to him. He doesn’t expect you to sit on the couch next to him.

“I know you’re supposed to watch me, but you don’t have to watch that closely.”

You move away slightly, no longer looking over his shoulder.

“I was just curious about the answers.”

“I was kidding around,” he says (though, it’s only a half-truth). “Come back here.”

It takes him about a week to finish the book.

“Had to go back and fix some of the others,” he says. “The person who originally filled ‘em out was an idiot.”

“That’s not very nice. Maybe it was a kid.”

“Kid had great handwriting, then.”

You pause, hesitating for a reason he can’t pinpoint.

“What? You want me to say sorry for calling that guy an idiot. ‘Cause I will if it matters that much to you.”

“No, no, fuck that guy, he was an idiot,” you say, clearly taking after him.

“Language, Missy,” he says, jokingly scolding you.

“Sorry. I should stop swearing.”

“It’s okay. You probably picked it up from me anyway.”

“Maybe,” you agree. You’re fidgeting, holding something behind your back, he notices.

“Whatcha got there?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, really,” you say, holding it out to him. “I just figured since you finished the crossword book, I should get you more.”

He only did the crosswords for you. He never really cared for them anyway. He just wanted to make you happy — he’d rather have you content than pissy or whiny. The only thing worse than your constant insistence on getting his approval would be if you just sat there and cried all day.

He’d tried to give the book back to you, but you couldn’t do ‘em on your own since you were lacking in 90s pop culture knowledge. So, he did them, with you watching over his shoulder the whole time.

He’s about to admit this to you and hand the new one back over to you when he looks at the pages – white paper, stapled together, all drawn up in pen.

“Did you make these?” he asks, in awe of both your ability to draw perfectly straight lines, and moreover, how much you must care if you’re willing to go to these lengths. Kiss-ass behavior, he tells himself.

You nod, and he gets the sudden urge to hug you, but opts for a thank you with a smile he can’t repress.

“You didn’t have to do all this, but it’s very sweet of you.”

He considers taking back the ‘very sweet’ comment when he finds that 3 down is four letters with the prompt “grumpy old man”. JOEL fits perfectly in the blank spaces.

You go on walks, read endless books, and Joel finally lets you start taking on some of the housework. It should be nice, but you get the feeling he’s not all that happy about this situation. Not that he tells you it outright. He doesn’t tell you much at all. And you’ve tried. It’s not like you’re asking hard-hitting questions.

“How old are you?”

“56.”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Blue.”

He doesn’t even bother to ask the same question back to you. Sometimes, he doesn’t even look up at you when you speak to him. You know it’s the depression of losing someone close to you, you know what that feels like – the problem is, you don’t know how to fix it. You only know how to hide it.

It’s quite simple, in theory. All you have to do is give him the desire to get out of bed every day. But you don’t even know what he likes. All you know is that your presence is not high on his list of favorite things. You try and try until you swear his shitty attitude is rubbing off on you.

Tommy checks in with you periodically, asking you how things are going with Joel, and this would be the perfect opportunity for you to get out of this position, which Joel would probably love, but to spite him, you tell Tommy it’s going well.

And it is, in a way – Joel is not actively mean to you. He doesn’t insult you or argue with you, he just mostly ignores you. So, you figure if you ignore him, maybe he’ll miss your attention. Stupid teenage bullshit mindset, acting like you have a crush on him, playing some sort of push and pull game that he’s not even privy to.

But that’s not like you. That brooding behavior is all Joel, so it lasts no more than a day or so until you go back to trying, and accept the fact that he’s just an asshole. Doesn’t mean you have to be one.

You never expected to win him over with the crossword puzzles but you see the look in his eyes when you give him the homemade ones, and you know there’s something in there besides all that pain. You know that look, can’t put a name to it, all you know is that it’s a good sign, one you had yet to see from Joel.

Joel wouldn’t have thought he’d get tired of hearing someone ask, “can I do anything for you?”, constantly begging to dote on him, to care for him. The last time someone did this for him was on Father’s Day, which is an ancient holiday now, almost mythical.

But it’s been weeks of the same old shit. It has nothing to do with you. In fact, you’re probably the best ‘caregiver’ he could’ve gotten stuck with. Thing is, though, he doesn’t want a caregiver, and he’s tired of said caregiver bombarding him. It’s enough to just have her watching him like a hawk, but yapping in his ear is another thing. Because he enjoys the quiet (and because the way you ask him questions reminds him of Ellie.)

It’s a joke, a stupid joke. It’s his patience wearing thin.

“Can I get you anything?” you ask.

“Sure. A beer, maybe. And a fuckin’ blowjob,” he mutters. Yeah, that’d be the dream but it’s a joke, bordering on a jab at you.

“I don’t think we have any beer,” you say. You both know damn well there’s no alcohol in the house.

“I know.”

“And, as for the other thing- is that something that you’d want… me to do?”

“Hey,” his tone softens. “Sweetheart, it was a joke. I was messing with you.”

“Okay, so you don’t want that, correct?”

“It was a joke. I’m sorry I even said it.”

“Don’t be sorry,” you say, sheepishly. “It’s your house, your rules, right?”

The concept of free speech in his house was one he’d brought up regarding ‘swear words’— It’s his house so he’s allowed to say ‘fuck’, ‘shit’, ‘bitch’, and every other word he could come up with, and he came up with some deep cuts just to make you laugh. Admittedly, it’s a nice sound.

“Yeah.” He thinks for a moment. “I just think that these sorts of topics aren’t appropriate for someone…”

“You know I’m an adult, right, Joel?”

“Yes, I know, but you’re still young and you seem a little innocent. I don’t want to put those types of thoughts in your head.”

“I know what a blowjob is, and I know what sex is. I just haven’t found the right person yet. That doesn’t mean I’ve never thought about it or whatever.”

You rarely snap at him, so he knows that word — innocent — must’ve been more offensive than he’d meant it. Maybe you’re not innocent. Maybe you’re just kind and a hell of a lot younger than him. Maybe it just seems like you should be.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just saying that I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“But do you want it?” You punctuate every word with a newfound annoyance.

“It’s not about that.”

“Yes it is.” You’re quite incredulous for someone who has been presented with the idea only a moment ago.

“Fine. Yes, in theory, if we were just two people who know each other, then, sure, if you offered, I’d say yes.”

“I offered.”

The way he calls you ‘sweetheart’ feels more like an insult than a term of endearment. You’d rather be ‘kid’ or nothing at all, anything less patronizing. It’s worse when he calls you innocent. You’re not innocent, you’re just nice — something that Joel is not. You’re painfully nice. You’ve heard it makes people like you. You’re still waiting on the results, though.

But, if he’d ordered you to suck him off, you’d have kneed him in the balls, and he would’ve thought twice about calling you ‘sweetheart’. The thing is, he doesn’t. Instead, he backs away from the opportunity, tells you it was a joke.

But you see two things behind his eyes: one, he wants this. He might not want to want this, but he does. More importantly, you see his genuine concern for your well-being override this desire and you realize you feel safer around him than you do around most men. That’s one of the reasons that you do give him ‘a fuckin’ blowjob’. The other being that, sometimes, before you go to bed, you can’t sleep, and a certain man comes to mind as your fingers slip beneath the waistband of your panties.

When you reiterate that you offered, you exchange a long stare wherein you try to reach into each other’s souls and sort this shit out but when you both realize you can’t, Joel says, “Okay.”

And you say, “Okay.”

A new kind of tension bubbles to the surface as Joel sits down on the couch and you kneel before him.

You fiddle with his belt, eventually managing to get it undone, but Joel does the rest of the work it takes to get his pants down to his ankles, boxers too.

You’d imagined he’d be big, but that’s how fantasies work. Every man’s dick is big in your lewd daydreams, but it’s like you manifested it with Joel. You begin to feel like you’re in over your head, and though you aren’t innocent, you aren’t experienced enough to take him. But who are you to back down from a challenge?

Joel can see hesitation wash over your face for the first time. You pause, study the scene like you’re trying to decide your approach, and then you take his cock in your hand, looking up at him like you’re asking for the green light.

He gives you the go-ahead with the only piece of advice he thinks you’ll need. “Just don’t bite, and you’ll do fine.”

He probably should’ve mentioned another thing: don’t take too much at once or you’ll choke. His head lolls back and his eyes fall closed the moment your lips meet the tip of it. He doesn’t touch you, doesn’t want you to feel intimidated by his presence while you’re exploring, so to speak. He lets out a low groan of approval to let you know he’s still with you.

But he’s fading into a beautiful oblivion until he hears you gag, feels you sputter and it shocks him out of that blissful feeling. His eyes snap open and he cradles the back of your head.

“Easy, easy,” he says. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

You pull away briefly and catch your breath.

“That’s good,” he says. “Breathe, baby.”

He can see you looking for instructions, so he takes your hand and helps you get a firm grip on his cock, sliding your hand up and down, and finally letting you do it on your own.

“Doin’ good, baby,” he says. “You gotta give your mouth a break sometimes.”

You’ve never gotten anything close to praise from Joel before. It’d warm your heart like nothing else if it weren’t so goddamn sexy in this context.

You nod, wipe the spit from your chin, and give your mouth a brief break, but you can’t hold yourself back forever. Soon, your lips are back on his cock, kissing from the base to the tip, flicking your tongue over the head, seeing what reactions you can get from him.

When you get into the rhythm of hand and mouth in tandem, you barely register him telling you that he’s gonna come.

You imagine it’s an acquired taste but it’s not awful. You can swallow it. So, you do, and you look up at him with a smile.

He looks like he’s woken up from a dream and he’s still getting his bearings straight, but he’s quick to stand up and take your hand.

“Where are we going?”

“To my bed.”

You’d follow him anywhere but bed does sound good to you right now. It sounds like an adventure. You don’t go into his bedroom unless absolutely necessary. You’d think he was hiding something horrible in there if you didn’t have a mutual feeling regarding your own bedroom.

“Are we going to have sex?” you ask.

“No,” he says.

“Then, what are we going to do?”

“You,” he begins. “Are going to lie back and relax.”

He coaxes you to lie down, and he doesn’t have to try hard.

“I,” he continues. “Am going to make you feel good.”

You’re fairly certain about what he means, so there’s nothing left for you to do but let him do the work. It’s just another part of the job you’ll have to learn from experience.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he says.

You nod.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Let’s get you out of these clothes,” he says, playing with the hem of your t-shirt.

“Wait-” you say, sitting up, and he withdraws. “Can we kiss… first?”

He looks surprised for a moment, and you worry you’ve fucked up.

“I just feel like we should do that,” you say, much quieter.

“Yeah,” he says. “I guess that makes sense.”

His hand cups your cheek and he looks you in the eyes like he’s trying to find answers somewhere in there.

“Has anyone ever kissed you before?”

“Not really, not the way I want you to kiss me.”

“Feels a bit rude of me to have put my dick in your mouth before you’d even been kissed.”

Still, he leans in and kisses you, but it’s soft, gentle. It’s not a peck on the lips, though, it’s more. It gradually gains momentum and passion. Eventually, he slips his tongue in your mouth and you take it in stride.

“You’re very good at this,” he says. “If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t think this was your first time.”

“Is that a compliment?” you ask, doubting Joel is capable of such things.

He ignores your question, and sighs. You know it’s not directed at you because you’re fairly sure he’s not listening.

“I know I said I was gonna do some things with you, but I don’t wanna take things too fast, okay?”

“Are you saying you’re just going to kiss me?”

“I think that’d be the right thing to do.”

“That’s not fair,” you whine.

You wish you could sound sexy, or whatever, but you probably come off like a bratty child.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s not fair. You said you’d make me feel good. I thought you were gonna return the favor.”

“I was.”

“Then, why are you backing out?”

You’re shocked that he’s the pussy — pun-intended — in this scenario.

“I thought it might be too much for you.”

You grab his hand and slip it under the flimsy fabric of your shorts.

His eyes go wide.

Fucking hell, you’re wet, is the only thought on Joel’s mind. It makes sense. He’d be offended, maybe even worried if you were dry as a desert down there, but he’s barely touched you. Either you really enjoyed kissing him or you actually liked sucking him off too.

He gently presses the pads of his fingers against the wet spot on your panties.

“You’re right, baby. It’s only fair if I help you out.”

He’s able to get your shorts and your panties down in one swift pull. You look impressed by the action. Just you wait, he thinks. He’s not an expert by any means, but it’s not too hard to learn if you pay attention — and sex is one of the only times Joel does listen — it’s also not a skill you lose over time. It’s muscle memory, or maybe it’s innate.

His thumb rubs your clit lazily as he watches your face scrunch up in pleasure, your eyes fill with need. When the first finger slips inside you, he hears a breathy sigh come from above — it sounds like relief though he knows you haven’t come yet.

He’s never had a woman have such a strong reaction to his lips on her clit. It almost startles him at first. You’re frantic from the moment his lips meet your skin, crying out for him like you’re scared he’ll stop.

“Hey,” he says, “I’m right here. Don’t have to get so worked up. I’m gonna take care of you.”

He can’t say another word because his lips are occupied, so he relies on his hands, his soothing touch, to tell you that everything is alright. He gets the urge to tell you how good you are for him, how good you taste, how pretty you are like this, but he knows it’d be cruel to let up now. He’s callous often, sometimes harsh, but rarely cruel.

His instinct tells him to drag this out, to make your thighs shake, to have tears running down your cheeks, to tease you. To be the asshole that he tends to be when you’re around (and when you’re not). This is a version of Joel you might come to like.

He’s lived long enough to be well-practiced in this field of life. Doesn’t matter if he’s particularly romantic or even sociable, it’s just happened enough times over the course of fifty plus years for him to know the ins and outs. He can get you there quickly and lead you through it slowly.

He’s so used to you saying his name in a tone he considers pestering that he’s begun to hate the word itself. But when it’s drawn out and desperate like this, it sounds wonderful.

You’re at his mercy, he thinks. Which means he’s in control. And, as much as he’d hate to admit it, control does not mean he can kill you, control means he can care for you.

When you come down from your high, Joel is looking up at you from between your thighs with messy hair and kiss-dark lips. His smile looks like one of pride. Your cheeks heat up, only half-remembering what just happened. You could describe the event simply in a cause and effect relationship — he went down on you, so you came. You know what an orgasm feels like, but that was something beyond anything you’d ever experienced before. You fear an addiction may be coming on.

Your voice comes out shaky, which only makes your first words after a long silence sound stupider. “Thank you.”

He looks confused, and it takes him a moment to respond. “My pleasure,” he says, and you swear it might be when you see a semi through his sweatpants.

You’d offer more ‘help’ but you truly don’t think you can manage it. You can feel your body pulling you towards sleep. Your eyes have barely opened and they want to close again.

Joel notices because how could he not, you’re completely naked in every sense of the word.

“Get some rest,” he says before standing up.

He’s leaving.

“Where are you going?” you ask, instinctively.

“Downstairs.”

You do not want to say it. The fear of rejection is too strong, but so is the sudden urge to cry. Holding back tears is a strength of yours, though, so Joel never sees them. Somehow, after doing one of the most adult things, you feel like a baby in the wake of it. You are supposed to be taking care of him, and you are failing.

“What?” is his response to your refusal to meet his eyes.

“I just assumed you were going to stay. That’s all.”

“I can. If that’s what you need me to do.”

You don’t say anything. He climbs into bed anyway after picking up your underwear and handing it to you.

He doesn’t hold you but he doesn’t leave either. What he does do is kiss you on the forehead when he thinks you’re already asleep. It’s a compromise between your fear and your desire.

It isn’t as weird as one might think it would be — acting as if you’ve never done anything remotely sexual with one another. It’s easier because you don’t have to go back to being friends. You never really were. It was always awkward. What’s new? Only your knowledge that at least some of your feelings are mutual. Only the fact that you think about having sex with him every time he’s in front of you. It’s really just out of curiosity sometimes. What would he be like in bed? Does he want it too? How would you even broach the subject?

Sometimes, it’s not just curiosity. Those days are harder to navigate. You have to pretend like every little touch — most of them accidental — fuels the fire. It’s not the sensation itself. It’s just the acute awareness of his body, how close it is to yours, how easily you could reach out and touch him, that enters your mind.

“You’re staring.” Joel says from the other side of the couch.

“Sorry. I zoned out.”

“Got something’ on your mind?”

“Not really.”

“C’mon, what is it?”

“Why do you suddenly care about my thoughts?” About me.

“You think I didn’t care about you before? You’ve been in my house everyday for months now.”

“So?”

“And, I haven’t tried to kick you out yet.”

“You’re not allowed to kick me out. That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Okay. How ‘bout this: I’m down here sitting with you because I know you don’t like to be alone.”

“So you pity me?”

“No, if I pitied you, I’d have told Tommy to give you a new job.”

“Okay, so, you expect me to believe you care but you refuse to talk to me half the time.”

“I’m not much of a talker. But, now that I’m trying to talk to you, you’re shutting me out.”

“I’m not— It’s just not a big deal. I don’t even remember what I was thinking about anyway.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?”

“I said, that’s bullshit.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll talk.”

You take a deep breath before speaking, one long enough that he gestures for you to go on.

“I was just thinking about what it would be like if we had sex.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, since we, you know, we did that stuff… it’s not like it’s a totally crazy thought.”

“‘That stuff’? Be more specific, honey.”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“I do, but you can’t be thinking about having sex with me when you can’t even use big girl words when you’re talking about it.”

“It doesn’t even matter.” Your face is burning. It so, totally, does matter. “I was just curious.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Mm-hmm. Go on thinking, I’ll get back to reading.”

“Wait, what? You just made me tell you that to make me embarrassed? You’re not even gonna—”

“What? Gonna fuck you?”

The word slips out of his mouth so easily.

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Well, I’m not.”

Truth is: he’s been thinking about you every day since. He only caught you staring because he was doing the same. He tries to restrain himself because it feels like the right thing to do.

But he still, he acquiesces and takes you upstairs to his bedroom.

He lays you down on the bed and undresses you slowly like you’re a gift and he doesn’t want to tear the paper. He places your clothes atop the dresser, but leaves his strewn across the floor.

Wonder fills your eyes as he reveals his naked body. Hesitation and awe wrapped up in one.

“Wow,” you say, breaking the silence, “it’s, um, you know— do you think it’ll fit?”

It’s not the first time he’s heard that. It no longer brings him that bashful pride that it did when he was younger. It’s just a fact. A nuisance sometimes.

“Not if we don’t get you ready first.”

“Do you need to get ready first too?”

He looks down at his cock, rock-hard and eager.

“No, baby, just looking at you is enough to get me ready.”

A thought crosses his mind — one he thought he’d left in his teenage years — what if he comes too quickly?

He lies back on the bed next to you and reaches for you, waits for you to let him maneuver you.

“Come here,” he says.

You sit up and face him, slowly inch towards his arms that beckon you.

You’re fairly sure you know what he wants you to do. Sit on his face. But god, something about it seems awkward in the amount of control you simultaneously give up and are given in turn.

“You trust me, right?” he asks.

“Of course.”

An answer you wouldn’t have ever thought you’d give back when you first met.

“Then, come sit on my face.”

You swing your leg over him and steady yourself above his face.

He grips your thighs to guide you. You grip the headboard to save yourself from passing out the moment Joel’s mouth meets your skin.

Joel wouldn’t be the man you’d have thought would have such a talented tongue based on how little he uses it. You can’t blame him for not talking right now. Your moans echo off his bedroom walls and permeate the balmy summer air. The windows are closed and the curtains shield your naked bodies from the neighbors but even if you’d left them open, you wouldn’t have the sense to care.

You’re an incoherent mess of moans and half-words, trembling thighs and sweat. Your orgasm comes on strong, and if your eyes weren’t screwed shut, maybe you’d see the gates of heaven.

It’s been a while since he’s done this. Tess never liked it like this and the last woman before her was one from another lifetime, pre-outbreak, an inconceivable world despite having once called it home.

He’s not really thinking about that, though, in this moment, all Joel can think of is you. Your skin, your sweat, your heat, and the pretty noises you make. At one point, he swears he hears his name though your thighs are covering his ears. And he doesn’t mind it one bit.

“I’m gonna pass out,” he hears from above him.

“No, you’re not. I’ve got you,” he tries to say, though surely his words are muffled.

“Don’t let me go.”

He doesn’t. He carefully helps you lie back on the bed. When he meets your gaze, he swears he’s never seen adoration like that in anyone’s eyes before. At least, not in a long time.

It terrifies him, but in spite of his hesitation, he holds you close.

A blanket of peaceful silence settles over your bare bodies.

You speak quietly, trying not to awaken Joel’s senses. The ones that pull him away from you. The moment feels like glass in your hands.

“Are we going to have sex?”

“Hm?”

“We were going to, right? You were getting me ready for it.”

“I thought I wore you out.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean I want to stop.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’d tell you if you were.”

He hesitates.

“I’ll be good. I promise.”

Those are the words that awaken his arousal. In an instant, you find his body looming above yours. He kisses you until your lips are red and puffy. He doesn’t break your gaze as he positions his cock at your entrance. Your green light is your needy hips begging him to fuck you.

He starts slow, even the head is a stretch. You scrunch up your face and hold back the urge to squirm.

“It’s gonna be a little uncomfortable at first, baby, and that’s why we’re gonna take it slow.”

Slow is an understatement. It takes ages for him to give you another inch — or maybe you’re just antsy. This one makes you whimper, makes you clamp down around him.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re gonna be fine.”

Joel’s voice is tender and sweet, and it gives you enough hope to ask for something you think he’d usually deny you.

“Can you hold my hand?”

He interlocks his fingers with yours. It feels oddly natural. He doubts he’s heard someone ask to hold his hand since— not now, he’ll go soft if he thinks about her. He’ll close in on himself and you need him — in more ways than one.

He continues slowly as he promised he would until he hears your moans of pleasure and your pleas for more, more, more. More is a little bit faster, a little bit harder, as deep as you can take it, and most importantly, his thumb tracing circles on your clit.

You squeeze his hand with yours as your inner walls clamp down around him.

“Just let it happen. It’s okay. I’m right here.”

When you come, he does too — the most blissful mistake he’s ever made.

Curses fly out of his mouth through his orgasm, stopping briefly as he catches his breath, and resuming when he pulls out and watches as his come drips out of you.

“Fuck. Shit. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you insist. “I liked it.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” Because I fucking loved it. “But, it’s dangerous. We’ve gotta be more careful.”

In the future — it’s implied. Another time is nothing when the lines have all been crossed and when the other side brings him a warmth the hot summer never could.

You have more power over him than the sun.

It becomes a routine — briefly — and you are more careful. You discreetly buy condoms, but when your next period doesn’t come, you fear it might be too late.

You don’t tell Joel, not at first. Sometimes, they’re irregular, and you don’t want to give the man a heart attack. But then a week passes, another week passes, and eventually you have to — especially when you’re beginning to feel a bit nauseous and have no other explanation for it. It’s better to say something before he asks.

“Joel,” you say, “I haven’t gotten my period yet.”

A look of horror crosses his face before he asks, “How late is it?”

You take a breath before admitting, “A few weeks.”

“How many?”

“Almost three.”

“Fuck.” He sighs in preemptive defeat. “Have you taken a test?”

“No, I thought it would come so I didn’t want to overreact.”

“We’re going to go get one.”

He stands up immediately and turns towards the door.

“Wait,” you say, stopping him in his tracks.

“I should probably get it. It’ll look less suspicious.”

No, it won’t. Those who suspect something is up with you, will have their suspicions, and those who don’t, won’t think to pay attention.

They recommend taking multiple because false negatives are common.

The first one is a clear positive, so clear you think it might be a false positive, so you wait to freak out until you see two lines come up on the second test.

Joel is silent, even when you hand him the test.

But, so are you, because what more is there to say? The tests say it all.

“I’ll do whatever you need me to,” he says, and you’re surprised until he clarifies.

“I doubt they’ll make you pay for the pill or the procedure — however they do it, but I’ll take care of you while you’re recovering. I’ll be there through it all. Promise.”

The pill or the procedure. The abortion that he expects you to have. Truth be told, you hadn’t really thought about what you’d do until now. It’s probably the right decision. Do you really want to bring a baby into this world? Can you even take care of one?

“Okay,” you say. “I’ll make an appointment.”

You save your tears for Maria. She approaches you in the clinic. You’d be delighted to see her at any other moment.

“Making an appointment?” she asks.

“Yeah, just a checkup,” you lie.

The woman at the counter clarifies with you. “Just a checkup? Is that what you’d prefer?”

You turn back and forth between her and Maria.

“Um, no,” you say, “keep it as is.”

Maria raises an eyebrow and there is nowhere left to hide. You might be able to outrun her, but she knows where you live and isn’t afraid to confront you at your doorstep.

She saves you some of your dignity when she whispers, “How about a chat at my place? I have some tea that helps with nausea.”

The tea is persuasive but you’d have to go anyway. You don’t speak on the walk to Maria’s. She brews the tea and you sit across from each other in the kitchen before she finally speaks.

“What’s the appointment for?” she asks. “And I’m not here to judge you, I just want the truth.”

You’re not my mom, you could say, but she’s the closest thing you’ve had to one since your own passed.

“An abortion,” you say quietly, looking down at the table, at your hands around the mug.

“Okay,” she says, gently. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

You try to reply but all the comes out is a sob.

Eventually, she pries the truth out of you. You explain what happened when you told Joel the news.

“So, he made the decision, and then told you he’d be there for you if he did what you wanted?”

“I guess. But, I think it might be the right choice. I mean, it'd be hard to raise a child in this world…” You cut yourself off when you look at her bump. She’s gonna be a mom, a good mom. And, stupidly, you’re jealous.

Even though it’s not there yet, you swear you can see a high chair in your periphery. You could be holding a warm bottle instead of a hot mug of tea. Maria could be feeding her child his first bite of baby food next to you.

“Let me ask you something, and I want you to really think about it, and be honest with me.”

You nod and wait for her question.

“If Joel had said he’d support you no matter what, even if you wanted to keep the child, if he said he’d step up as a father, would you have made the appointment?”

“I don’t know.” Oh, but you do. Maria waits for you to come to a conclusion, for you to spit it out.

“I like the idea of having a kid. I love kids, and I sometimes think about what it would be like being a mom, but I know that I can’t be one. Not right now.”

If there is one thing Joel can’t be, it’s a father. Not again. He’s too old, too grouchy, too cynical. He’s not the man he used to be. He was never good at it anyway. He couldn’t save his own kid. He’s already a failed father — once, if not, twice.

You’d be a great mother, and that’s the greatest tragedy. He’s failed you already. He’s not good at the kinder things of life. He shouldn’t have indulged in you, in the love you gave him when he cannot give it back. There are a lot of things Joel can’t quite get right — being a lover, a father, a good man.

Every night since the outbreak began, he’s watched Sarah bleed out in his arms. Sometimes he sees Tess, Sam and Henry, Bill, even Tommy which feels like an augury. Ellie is there almost every night, losing consciousness. Only sometimes is she in that hospital bed, often, she’s lying in the show, with blue lips and almost no pulse. Now, you’ve begun to enter his subconscious. You’re always too far out of reach, screaming his name until he’s shot dead, and the last thing he hears is you shriek as you watch him die in front of you.

Another person is another tragedy once they have the misfortune of coming into his life. There cannot be another person, especially not a child.

You should be back by now, he thinks as he splashes water on his face for the umpteenth time, hoping it’ll wash away all the mistakes he’s made.

He can tell it’s Maria by the way her knuckles rap on his front door. He can tell she’s pissed too.

When he opens the door, he sees you in standing behind her, like you’re afraid of him.

“Unless you want to have this discussion on your doorstep, I suggest you let me — us — inside.”

He does, reluctantly.

“Joel Miller, when do you plan on becoming a man?”

“What?”

“You just told her to make an appointment, didn’t even give her a chance to think about it? You managed to run away from your problems while you’re on house arrest. Impressive.”

“I thought that was what we both wanted,” he says, looking past her, to you.

“I guess, maybe,” you shrug.

The one thing he’s grateful for is Maria’s suggestion that you talk privately.

You sit further from him than usual, you refuse to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask what you wanted. I thought I was making the right choice.”

“It’s okay. I don’t even know what I want.”

But the tears suggest otherwise.

“Do you want to keep the baby?”

“Maybe, but I can’t. It’s not a good idea.”

“That’s what I think, but Maria’s right, it’s your choice.”

“But I don’t know how to make that choice.”

“You’ve got a good heart. Follow it.”

You spend a lot of time thinking, remembering, and trying to convince yourself that there is no part of you that wants to be a mother. But, in your bedside drawer, there is a handful of photos — all from before the outbreak. You see your mom as a child on a swing set, and as a teen blowing out candles on her birthday. Her mom is in that one too, sitting next to her, smiling. You wish more than anything to have pictures of you and your mom.

You think about the little girl who pretended a ratty old stuffed bear was her baby. You can hear your mom telling you that you’re doing a good job, how you’ll be good at this one day. Your bedtime stories were never about fairy princesses, but about your family, the ones you didn’t get to meet.

“I wish I could have that,” you’d say.

“One day, you might be able to — the world is scary right now, but that doesn’t mean it’s gonna be like this forever,” she’d insist.

In retrospect, you wonder if she really believed that, if she really believed that teddy bear would one day be a baby that you’d be the one carrying, and she’d be the proud grandmother.

“I told her I wanted to be a mom like her,” you explain to Joel, and he understands.

You know about Ellie, but not about Sarah. Joel never brings either of them up to you. Until now. It’s a fair trade, he tells himself. Photos for photos, info for info. But it’s more than that.

“Hold on for one minute, I’m gonna go get something, and I’ll be right back.”

It’ll only take him a second to grab the pictures, but he’ll need a moment to compose himself.

“This is Sarah,” he says, pointing to the little girl in the photo. “My daughter.”

You’re silent for a moment, gazing at the photo, at a younger Joel you’ve never met.

You’re the first person not to tell him that you’re sorry for his loss, and he is relieved not to hear the empty sympathies once more.

“What was she like?” you ask.

It’s hard to explain, and for that reason, he talks for at least a half hour about Sarah. All her likes and dislikes, all his favorite moments from the day she was born until the day she died. He tells the story of that too.

When you try to tell him that he sounds like he was a good dad, he has to explain why he wasn’t.

“I couldn’t save her,” he says.

“I couldn’t save her either,” you say, pointing to your mother in one of the photos.

“You were just a child,” he says. “It’s not your fault.”

“And, you were just a man,” you say. “It’s not your fault.”

“A grown man.”

“Doing the best that you could.”

And you’re right. He did try his best. He stops arguing not because he’ll ever concede but because the weight of the present falls upon him all at once as he meets your eyes and remembers why you’re here.

He can’t have Sarah back, he can’t have Ellie back, but you’re right in front of him — and he loves you. It’s too late to turn back and kick you out on your first day, it’s too late to never speak to you, it’s too late to not love you.

It’s not too late to fail you like he’s failed everyone else. It’s not too late to do the opposite either.

You tell him your decision, and wait for his disagreement, for him to dissuade you. But, he doesn’t.

“Okay,” he says.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to try my best.”

You cancel the appointment and make the final decision, but it doesn’t feel real until Joel finishes building the crib in the spare bedroom. The most unexpected part is how excited you feel even when you’re nauseous, even when your feet are bloated, even when your back is killing you.

You’re also terrified, particularly when you hear Maria’s account of her labor and delivery. For someone describing how painful it was, she seems oddly unfazed, happy even. She’s too focused on her baby boy, and you get it — he is pretty cute.

When the day comes, you find that you’ve underestimated the pain entirely. The wounds you’ve gotten in combat are nothing compared to this. Every hour that goes by feels like a full day for you. Every time the doctor checks your dilation it’s still not yet time.

Until it is. And everything becomes a million times more chaotic. You swear the only thing keeping you sane is Joel’s hand in yours. (You have to apologize later for squeezing it so tightly.)

Finally, the telltale cry comes, and it feels like you’ve run a marathon by how exhausted you are and by how proud you are of yourself for doing it. This will go down as the greatest feat of your life and you are more than satisfied with that fact.

The doctor announces that it’s a boy and though he said he’d be fine with either gender, Joel’s smile is wider than you’ve ever seen it. You’re smiling almost as big. It hurts your cheek muscles but you can’t stop, especially when they hand you your baby boy. Though he doesn’t know how to speak, his hand wrapped around your finger tells you that it’s going to be okay.

There is so much pain in this world, but not in this room.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel x reader #tlou fanfiction

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ladyalienist · 3 days ago

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That is an interesting take - one I don't fundamentally disagree with. Latin had a way to address neutral gender (for most inanimate objects, at least) and I don't see why Italian shouldn't have it either (schwa or something else, it's irrelevant to the point).

The two things I personally... dislike? Have a problem with? Don't find too compelling? Any way we want to put it, are these:

This is not a natural evolution of the language like youth slang or loan words, it's a top-down imposed bullshit rule established by the gender cult. Which is not exactly a new thing in the Italian language (I think you know better than me what happened during the Ventennio) but it's despicable nonetheless - maybe in 50 years or so it will be as widespread and accepted as the word tramezzino, but for now it seems quite forced, especially in fields where sex (and gender) absolutely do matter, like mine.

It doesn't really address the problem of gender stereotypes, which is an issue neutral-gender-equipped languages, such as Korean or English, still have: if a person is used to thinking that a profession (in this case scientist) is predominantly male, using a neutral form will still mean the person thinks of a male scientist (and will keep on never thinking of female scientists) unless explicitly told otherwise. It becomes just another form of male-by-default (or female-by-default if we're thinking of stereotypically feminine jobs, like nurse).

Personally I much prefer the current "formal" way of addressing the issue, which would be "Pensa come uno/a scienziato/a". It's longer and more difficult, but it does actually include both sexes.

Ableit I don't disagree with you on the principle, these are the things that make me ruffle my feathers about the use of the schwa.

Funny how so many ppl in atheist circles nowadays are like "you can question every idea! You don't have to respect beliefs! Except for gender of course, don't question that. Also you have to at least pretend to believe in it so you don't upset the believers"

#Using female as plural neutral in a group is also an option lol #But that's beside the point #interesting discussion happening here!#radblr

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kingkat12 · 21 hours ago

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pretty (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: mentions of sex, angst, hurt/hurt, dark!Roman

summary: don't you just hate it when people turn out to be different than what you thought they were? Roman was certainly not who you thought he was when you started sleeping with him, either.

word count: 2,041

a/n: author is in a situationship, so you best believe I'm dragging y'all down with me<333 MWAH, enjoy;)

All I had ever wanted in life, was for Roman to be pretty.

Quiet, compliant, and pretty.

But keeping a dog chained to a flagpole was a bad idea-- it would always strive to claw its way out of its prison, tugging at its restraints till the pole came crashing down to the ground with unimaginable weight.

Not that one could ever restrain Roman Godfrey, though. I figured that'd be impossible. How could anyone tie down someone so restless?

Which is why I wished he would simply be pretty.

Pretty, and only pretty.

Pretty, and not a person.

The more I got to know Roman, the more I suffered with the weight of his sudden personification. But the more he came over, the longer he stayed through the night, the more I'd notice the small things-- he loved asking about the pictures of my friends on my nightstand. I had no idea why. He loved picking up the shirt he had earlier wried over my head, pressing it to his body to laugh about how small it was compared to him. He loved digging through my jewelry box, too, to try to fit the rings over his fingers-- every time, with the same notion that it could maybe, maybe work.

Spoilers; it never did.

The more he laughed, the more I got used to the sound of it.

The more he smiled, the more I missed the sight of it.

And the more he looked at me, the more I missed him.

Roman had a scar on his right cheek. Right beneath his cheekbone, grazing his skin. At first, I could only dare to trace it when he slept soundly next to me, but now, it had become a habit. He allowed me to reach over and touch it any time now, gently stroking my thumb over it whenever I wanted-- his eyes would flutter shut, and his chest would slowly raise with his next inhale every single time without fail. It calmed him.

I wish I didn't know it. I wish I had never found out. I wish he hadn't let me.

I wish I still thought about Roman as just a pretty face.

I hated that he was suddenly a person.

It would've been easier to bear, had he not been-- that his focus wandered, that is. It would've been easier to stomach the fact that I knew he was still sleeping with Ashley Valentine, that he usually took a smoke break behind the school with Veronica Walters when I had physics class, and it would've been much easier to stomach that I walked in on him going down on Jennie Martin-Poulter in the girls' bathroom the other day. I had only seen the bottom of his shoes, and his other hand which shot down to steady his body as Jennie's leg quivered just within sight, but I knew. I knew immediately.

I also knew that Roman was no longer just some pretty guy I occasionally hooked up with when I needed release. Roman had become someone to me.

It made me nauseous to think that Jennie could've reached down and stroked her thumb over the scar on his right cheek while he was busy between her legs-- did she know that he never failed to make the same sound if you touched it when he was aroused? It was like a soft purr, a mix between a sigh and a groan. I wondered whether any of the other girls knew about similar buttons to push on his body, whether they knew secrets about him that I didn't.

It wasn't surprising that everything would simmer and come to a boil for me; this wasn't my first time falling for a recreational hookup. So, when I laid on his chest that same night and burst into tears, I knew I should've expected it.

Roman didn't say anything. I had allowed him to smoke in my room, so he was busy savoring the nicotine seeping into his lungs. He simply put his hand on my hair, lazily stroking through it as I spilled my silent tears down onto his skin. Was it that he didn't need to ask to know what I was feeling? Or was it that he had perhaps been through this before? Eventually, he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of my head; the simplest of gestures, yet the sweetest of many previous ones. "What's going on?" he asked, voice soft. "Did I go too hard on you tonight?"

I shook my head, sniffling as I shifted.

Roman sighed, pulling the covers over us a little higher. "Do you need to just let it out, or do you wanna talk about it?--"

"Stop being sweet," My words were quick, biting.

"... Oh," he breathed, nodding to himself. It didn't take long before he put out his cigarette. "Look, I know that this is mostly sex and whatnot, but if you need to talk about something, this is usually the moment where--"

"No,"

"No?"

"No, I don't want to talk about it," If I did, he'd never come over ever again. But maybe that was what I needed? I blinked away my tears, hoping to clear my vision; "Or... I don't know."

Roman remained quiet for about a minute. The beating of his heart was steady against my ear as he resumed playing with my hair, twirling it around his middle finger in the silence. "This is a very typical girl thing, believe it or not," he mumbled. "I don't get why you girls don't just say what you want straight away. I know you'll tell me eventually."

"Maybe I enjoy dragging it out?"

"Why?"

"Because I get more time, that way,"

Roman hummed, glancing up at my ceiling. "Time with me?"

Fucking hell. Did he read thoughts now, too? "Yeah," I breathed, feeling my heart hammering in my chest. I knew he could feel it too.

"I'm not going anywhere, though," Roman pulled his fingers away from my hair, laying his hand flat against my head, stroking me with his thumb in a gentle motion. "I can stay the night if you want? I don't have anywhere I need to be in the morning."

It was too inviting, too tempting. If I could fall asleep like this, I wouldn't deny myself the pleasure. "Okay," I mumbled, nuzzling up against his warmth. "Just be gone in the morning, please."

Thankfully, Roman didn't seem to mind my bluntness. I felt his quiet laugh against my cheek, luring itself into the depths of my mind. "No problem,"

My heart ached; I knew what my next words were, I knew I wanted to say them, yet I struggled to let them out from the pit in my chest. This was for the best. I needed to say it. This was for the best, this was for the best, it was, it really, really was-- "And... don't answer my calls anymore,"

I could feel Roman's confusion. The way his breath remained steady, yet how his shoulders tensed. His hand laid calmly against my hair, yet I could feel the unease in his fingers. "Can I, uh..." He cleared his throat. "Can I ask why?"

How was I supposed to explain this in a way that made sense? I had no idea. I just wanted to ball myself up into the fetal position and sob. Would he hold me if I did? Knowing Roman, I knew he would, but mostly cause he'd feel bad-- I hated that I knew he had a conscience. "You've become too real to me," I breathed. "My heart can't take it."

"... Oh,"

My tears welled in my eyes again, and they rolled down the side of my face and joined the dried ones on Roman's bare chest. "You're so warm," I whispered, letting my voice break as I nuzzled into him. "I hate that you harbor warmth."

Silence laid itself over us like a blanket. Roman glanced around my room-- was he maybe memorizing it, just in case this was the last time he'd be here? I wondered whether he cared, or whether he was bored. But then, he spoke; "So... okay, I won't answer your calls anymore, but will you answer mine?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. Why was he making this harder? "I don't think so,"

Roman's hand stilled, no longer drawing circles into my hair. I could hear him swallow. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Why did he care? I needed him to stop if he did.

"I wasn't even clingy this time," he mumbled, heartbreakingly fragile. "I didn't do anything."

"I know--"

"Am I really that unbearable?"

... What?

I raised myself off of Roman's chest to get a proper look at him-- my brows were drawn together in confusion as I watched the insecurity coating his every breath. My mind felt like it was caving in on itself; this made him so much more real. When would it end? Who could've guessed Roman Godfrey had abandonment issues? It was clear as day, now. "You're not," I tried. "And that's the problem."

"That I'm... bearable?"

"Yes,"

"That you like me?"

My words were bitten down like I was fighting them back-- "Yes,"

Roman's green eyes hit me like a punch to my gut. They were so unbelievably pretty, just like the rest of him, where he looked up at me with his hair messed up by post-coital rapture. His next words were painfully soft andvulnerable; "Thank you for liking me, then. Not many people do,"

My vision became blurry with the incoming rush of tears. Everything about that was heartbreaking. "Everyone adores you, Roman,"

"No," he breathed. "But that's fine. At least I'm pretty, right?"

What followed, was the most thought-wracking moment of the evening; the corners of Roman's mouth pulled into a small smile, yet it hit me how rehearsed it was. How quick he was with it, how easy it was for him to mask everything in an instant. The realization crashed down on me like a blow to the back of my head, like a flagpole crushing me with its whole weight.

Keeping a dog chained to a flagpole was a bad idea-- it would always strive to claw its way out of its prison, tugging at its restraints till the pole came crashing down to the ground with unimaginable weight.

I was the dog.

I was the one chained up, not Roman.

Chained to my fear, chained to the restrictions I had set up for myself to protect my heart. Because here he was, laying out his.

"Fuck," I breathed, shifting-- I sat up, watching his green eyes round out. Roman's fingers came to rest on my hips, softly laying against my skin while I propped my hands on his chest for support. "You're going to be the death of me."

Roman let out a soft laugh; "I am?"

"Oh, certainly," I muttered. "Because I'm about to say something very, very stupid."

Beyond amused, Roman bit down on his growing smirk. "Shoot,"

I had to claw myself out of my prison-- I tugged at my restraints, letting it all fall down on me as the words escaped past my lips; "I'll take it back if you dump the other girls,"

Silence.

I held my breath.

Roman's brows drew together, confused, and he stared up at me like I had said something unbelievably outrageous, like he could've never imagined I had thought something so shocking in the first place. "You'll... keep me around if I dump the rest?"

"Yes," I breathed. My heart thumped painfully in my chest as I laid it out for him to take.

... And Roman took it, alright.

It was this moment he had waited for all along, since the moment we started sleeping together. He knew he could get me here, break me down, and get these words out of me. He knew I would be perfect for his usual schemes. He knew, he knew, that it would all be worth it in exchange for the look of heartbreak flashing before my eyes and my admission of feelings.

That was the thrill, after all. The validation.

Every girl he had ever been, had ended up right here-- ready to be eaten alive.

Roman took my heart into the palm of his hand, and with his next condescending laugh, he crushed it to pieces with the most beautiful, cruel smile; "Oh, sweet, sweet girl," he purred, letting the blood run down between his fingers with complete and utter glee--

"You're delusional."

#roman godfrey #roman godfrey x reader #hemlock grove #bill skarsgård #fanfic #x reader #fanfiction #bill skarsgard #oneshot #bill skarsgård x reader #bill skarsgard fanfiction #hemlock grove fanfiction #AGHHH THIS WAS SO OUCH #WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE

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