#But it's mostly K-pop tbh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

usedpidemo · 1 year ago

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Acquainted (Red Velvet Yeri)

(Thank you for the commission! I hope it's to your liking.)

You’re just about ready to head off to sleep when you check the group chat. This is your nightly tradition. These strangers, now your closest friends despite the anonymity, are active and in good spirits, as usual. Outside of your weekday 9-to-5, these few moments are the most interesting parts of your day, and you just so happen to join during a particularly lively conversation:

> [22:48:01] yerimiese: (posts a link to a red velvet album article)

> [22:48:14] flutter mane: :sanapog:

> [22:48:23] silksong sulker: k-pop is saved

> [22:48:33] wonyoung cockjuicer: ew red velvet

> [22:48:37] wonyoung cockjuicer: wonyoung can peg me tbh

> [22:48:39] irene’s tokki: Bae J:floshedjiggle::floshedjiggle:hyun

> [22:49:06] milf hunter: :floshed:

> [22:49:11] milf hunter: gape sugalo

So of course, you chime in as well.

> [22:50:12] You: lets get it, new rv fancams

You’re in no mood to chat for longer than five minutes, but before you head offline, you receive a private message from your closest friend:

> yerimiese: so when are you in korea again?

> You: Next week, why?

> yerimiese: nice. why don’t we meet up, that would be dope as fuck

> You: You’re in Korea?

> yerimiese: yeaaaah? why wouldn’t i be?

> You: I thought you’d be doing other schedules abroad

> yerimiese: nah sm definitely won’t fly us out to film an mv. cheap ass bastards ㅋㅋㅋ

Yerimiese then sends you a video link. It’s a Yeri fancam, her weapon of choice. Your conversations began with small, intimate talks about your personal life, soon transpiring into open fapping, degrading, and casual lewdness with each other. Despite the usually depraved nature of your messages, you both continued sharing snippets of your day to day lives. That’s how close you’ve grown as friends.

> You: Well i’m very tired, today was a long day at work, had to work overtime. No time to lewd, sorry

> yerimiese: it's alright. you did well today

Yerimiese sends you a pic this time. It’s an event; the internet can’t load any quicker. You’re hungry, impatient, dying. Whether it’s intentional or not, the photos she sends whenever you’re tired or stressed out are hotter than her usual swimsuit or photoshoot reel. You’ve shared enough about your daily routine to her that a camera crew might as well be recording you.

It’s nothing out of the ordinary; a simple candid pic of herself lying in bed, her face perfectly cropped out of the background, showing nothing but her body on full display in front of the huge mirror, dressed in skimpy black panties and a white shirt that accentuates her shapely breasts. As usual, she’s not wearing a bra; you can clearly see her hard nipples demanding all of your attention.

> yerimiese: no need to send a dick pic tonight if you don’t feel like doing it

You can’t help it. Tired as you are, you feel obligated to send her one. Luckily, every pic she sends is more than enough to make you instantly hard. It feels more guilty not to be turned on, rather.

It’s a mostly quick and painless affair, powerful enough to put you out of commission within minutes. Even though you’re mentally checked out, Yerimiese’s sexy body is too hot not to crank one out. Taking a pic of your erect cock as you pump yourself to her is second nature; sending it on sticky fingers after you’ve spurted all over your phone and blankets is a different story. There’s no other way to put it, she was the perfect reprieve from the day’s exhaustions—a perfect high note to go out on.

> yerimiese: fuck you’re THROBBING THROBBING tonight :ningasm: your dick looks so damn nice. i can taste your cum through the screen

> You: Happy now?

> yerimiese: more than, and then some. I wish you were here right now so you could feel how wet I am

> You: Just wait. I can’t wait to fuck you hard. Goodnight

> yerimiese: goodnight

> yerimiese: :tukkwithkiss:

—————

The next time you’re able to communicate with her, you’re one day away from being in Korea. In that period, you’ve been inactive in the group chat because work. What welcomes you back is a barrage of lewd photos and Yeri fancams.

> yerimiese: see you tomorrow :chuupeek:

It’s an open secret that you know she’s Kim Yerim. Yes, that Kim Yerim of Red Velvet fame. It was a giveaway right from the first explicit photo she sent you; those tits in a tight, petite package couldn’t have belonged to anyone other than hers. That, and the fact that her username is the same as her Instagram handle, and that she has a photo of herself in the group as a display pic. How she would end up stumbling into your private K-pop server objectifying her body and her profession is one of life’s biggest mysteries, yet here she is, giving you a very personal look into her shapely figure, better than any fancam and photoshoot could ever provide. To others, she’s merely a casual acquaintance, but to you, she can freely open up herself.

Mainly because you’re one of three people in the group chat that still cares about Red Velvet.

Her latest sent photo is relatively tame; a tight fitting white silk sundress, and the skirt is virtually nonexistent, her panties practically out in the open. Luckily for you, she seems to be sitting down, but not in her usual living room. The notion that this is what welcomes you to Korea, that you’ll be balls deep inside an idol’s pussy right when you land—it ruins you.

Almost.

An airport guard manages to break your deep train of thought. “Sir! No phones please,” he sternly commands, saving you from total disaster; you’re inches away from walking straight through a metal detector with your phone in hand, the belt around your pants, and some spare coins lying deep in your pocket after you bought some traditionally expensive bottled water. Luckily, no one manages to see the photo—and even if they did, she’s still smart enough to cut out her face, leaving nothing else to your imagination.

If there’s one thing you’ve learned about immigration and airport security, it’s that there’s little need for repetition. You go through security four times. At the entrance, after the check-in counter, then within your departure gate, and even before boarding your flight—repetitive. It’s frustrating enough to tell Yerim, to which she responds with more lewd photos of herself.

> yerimiese: yeah ive been there before ㅋㅋㅋ

> yerimiese: how long’s ur flight?

> You: About 13 hours

> yerimiese: cali?

> You: Yes

> yerimiese: kinda random, but seulgi misses los angeles

> You: How come?

> yerimiese: something about an ex-boyfriend that i didn’t know about until the other day ㅋㅋㅋ i bet she’ll be jealous when she hears about you coming over just to clap my cheeks ㅋㅋㅋ she’d wish it was her bf instead of you

> You: does she know about this?

> yerimiese: of course not LOL i bet you’d rather fuck her instead of me, so she’ll never know. smh.

> You: That’s not true ur my RV bias since day one!

> yerimiese: stop lying LMAO i don’t blame you tho seulgi has some really toned legs and a nice slappable ass XD anyway, i’m gonna send you something to pass the time while ur onboard

> You: If it’s a masturbating clip i swear to god

> yerimiese: fuck you got me LOL

> You: Goddamit if anyone finds out on a plane of all places…

> yerimiese: i still can’t get over your clip of you jerking to me. i can taste your dick. you’re depriving me by leaving me out to dry for a week ㅋㅋㅋ

> You: You’ve been touching yourself to that clip for a week??

> yerimiese: can’t help myself, album prep has been tiring and i haven’t really found any opportunity to relax in the meantime

> You: I’ll be there soon, just wait a bit longer

> yerimiese: can’t trust me with that, i’m very close to making a huge mess of my hotel room ㅋㅋㅋ

> You: You’re in a hotel?

> yerimiese: just to meet you! I won’t be able to meet you at the airport (duh, idol dating shit), so this is the next best thing. just message me when you’ve landed here, okay?

> You: Sure

—————

It’s ingrained deep within Yerim’s mind. A core memory. If her phone could present count how many times she’s played the clip, it would be over a thousand.

It’s very straightforward. A 45 second clip of someone masturbating between the sheets, pressing their erect cock against their phone with a brightened image of a scantily clad woman on the screen. But it’s not just any woman, it’s her. She’s pleasuring herself to the idea of a man jerking off to her. She’s following his rhythm, timing the pace her fingers rub her clit to the tempo of the man’s cock pumping to her zoomed-in breasts.

And she’s mere minutes removed from a conversation with that exact same person.

Slumped against the hotel room walls, her bliss spirals out of control rapidly. Her legs are instinctively spread wide, juices already leaking through her panties and spilling to the floor; that’s how used they are to Yerim’s impulses to pleasure herself. In those brief moments, she imagines how the next few days play out, skipping past the formalities and pleasantries and going straight to the fucking. She moans and shouts as if that very man’s cock is penetrating her pussy hard at this very moment. Her other hand bashes the wall, tongue screaming streams of profanities, as if he’s manhandling her, using her to his personal delight.

“Fuck! Suck those fucking tits!” she screams, slipping one strap of her sundress down to pinch her own tit, enhancing the illusion. Her phone rings; in her mind it's functionally a vibrator. He’s come fully prepared, and she’s riding high knowing that this person is doing exactly what he said in their private messages from the very start.

Yerim drags her fingers along her clit violently, desperate to reach climax, the realization that this is her third orgasm of the day way beyond her. The evidence can be found everywhere: on the soiled bed sheets and in the smell of the shower; she envisions herself getting railed in those parts of the room, and then some—essentially turning the entire hotel room into the backdrop for all of the things he’d do to her: fingers around her throat, sunk into her ass, until it’s red and hurting, the way she’d quiver and cream all over his throbbing cock. Her neediness has no limits; it even breaks past her very own personal quarters, the loudness of her own self-induced pleasure drawing concern from occupants nearby.

Only after the blissful haze of orgasm does everything fall back in place. That repetitive knock on the door is a huge wake up call. Yerim’s eyes widen.

“Shit.”

She checks her fingers—they’re coated in copious amounts of slick—and after a little further inspection, she realizes the aftermath.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.”

—————

Being honest about yourself, you couldn’t have asked to feel hornier at a worse time than this. Thirty thousand feet high up in the air, stuck in economy class because you don’t get paid enough to deal with the bullshit back in the office. Using your one of two allowed leaves in the year for a trip to see a girl you’ve mostly known online, and it isn’t even paid. To make things worse, there’s no layovers—just a point-to-point flight from San Francisco to Seoul. 13 hours.

And boy, is the ride absolutely miserable.

By what you might as well call divine intervention, you’re conveniently seated between a nun and a little girl—the two worst kinds of people to be alongside with. No, not because they’re annoying or anything like that; aside from the girl getting up every thirty minutes from her window seat to get something from her parents across the aisle, you’re practically barred access to your glorified archive of lewd Yerim pics. Opening them up with a kid barely in the first grade beside you is openly asking for trouble.

And the few times you get up for a lavatory break, you can’t get yourself going. There’s always someone at the door every five minutes.

Eight hours deep into the flight, you look over your shoulder, catch one of the male flight attendants sneak inside one of the vacant lavatories with a fellow stewardess while everyone’s fast asleep. Fucking sickening. That should be you with Yerim right now.

When you arrive on the other side of the planet, you’ve gotten only a couple hours’ worth of sleep. You almost fumble your passport at immigration, getting them mixed up with a slew of business and membership cards. Then there’s your forgetfulness working against you, remembering you need some kind of pocket Wi-Fi, and now you have to spend a little more to get back online. It’s a mess, and it wasn’t that long since you were in Europe for a seminar, where these things were merely second nature to you.

At least you remembered that VPNs exist. You message Yerim on the taxi ride out of the airport, unsure of where to begin.

> You: Just got out of immigration

> yerimiese: fuckin finally!

> yerimiese: you got a place to stay here?

> You: Not yet

> yerimiese: don’t bother, lemme send you my hotel address, you can stay here

Of course you don’t know Korean, despite the constant back and forth with Yerim for months. Learning’s been on the backend of your itinerary, and has never been your top priority, even now. You show the cab driver the address, who merely looks at you and the phone with a particularly vacant and dumbfounded expression, as if you’re stupid for not planning this out—which, in that regard, he’d be correct.

When you finally arrive at the hotel, only one message stands between you and finally meeting Yerimiese, once and for all.

> yerimiese: I’ll be at the poolside, third floor. can’t wait to meet you :P

And that’s exactly where you end up going. Forget that you’re lugging two whole bags and a traveler’s backpack on your shoulders; you drop them off at the front desk, expecting the staff to have a clue of what’s going on and what’s about to happen.

Stepping out into the poolside, it’s a completely barren sight. It’s three in the afternoon on a Tuesday; most people probably aren’t even booked, let alone in this supposed five-star hotel. You don’t really question whether she’s being serious or not, the evidence was in the previously sent photos; you’re dying to meet her at this point.

And as if perfectly timed for dramatic effect, a woman emerges from beneath the waters, shaking off the wetness from her damp hair.

Yerim casually swims over the deep waters’ edge, without a care in the world, let alone your presence quietly shadowing over the large pool. Even halfway submerged, you can make out the outline of her shapely bust and hourglass figure, tightly hugged by a pink swimsuit. She was sultry and intoxicating to gawk at from candid photos, but seeing Yerimiese herself in the flesh, that’s when the realization hits you: this is happening.

And you can’t move a muscle, let alone react from the actualization that you’re right in front of her. Even as the waves of water splash on your new loafers, you simply observe. It’s creepy, it’s morally dubious, but it’s one in a million. You’re taking in every moment, every second; soak it all in, you’ll never get an experience like this ever again.

You should be friends by now, if your definition of friendship means sharing explicit body photos and exchanging devious intentions about how you’ll fuck each other online or how much cum you’ve given to each other. But when she turns in your direction—catching you casually observing her, your hands tucked away in your coat’s pocket, grinning like a little kid— it’s back to square one.

Like the very first time.

Yerim takes all the time in the world to wade over from the other side of the pool, her smile growing closer as she approaches you. She lifts her eyebrows, expecting you to make a first move, to which you barely open your mouth, and ultimately only a deep breath, a stilted sigh, comes out.

Well, this is awkward.

Yerim giggles. You’ve previously heard her loud moans and cries, but a genuine laugh—this was your first. She never hops on calls in your group chat, most likely because idol shit, as she often refers to her line of work. Her laughter, her energetic expression—it’s as perfect of a translation to real life as it is online, and embodies the idol Yeri you know on screen.

“How long have you been standing there?” she asks, trying—and failing—to suppress more of her laughter.

Your answer is concise, but doesn’t seem quite right. “A while.”

In reality, about five minutes. You probably won’t be there any longer when she props herself out of the water with her strong elbows. Water cascades down her shapely figure, thicker and meatier than it's ever been, more than what the cameras and pictures present. She’s truly the entire package, through and through.

She walks over to her sunlounger, granting you a nice peek of her ass peeking through her skimpy swimsuit before she wraps herself with a towel. Apart from that, your only other notable observation is that she’s soaking wet, even bundled up. That, and also: she’s barefoot. No sign of slippers or any footwear—she willingly walked on what appears to be scorching cobbled floors.

“I would give you a big hug right now, but you know—” she comments, looking down at her drenched self, pool water endlessly dripping down to her feet. Even if she isn’t soaking wet, you’d still be frozen in place, or even worse, some eagle-eyed stranger or Dispatch reporter catch you in secret and you both end up on national news the very next day.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine,” you say, trying to dodge Yerim’s eyes. “I left my stuff at the front desk. I should probably go and grab them.”

“Smart.” Yerim sizes you up, nodding in amazement at how you’ve managed to get yourself past the entrance. “See you upstairs, then? Room 1015.”

—————

The difference between you and Yerim couldn’t be any more obvious.

Granted, you’re fresh off a 13 hour flight, followed by an hour's travel from the airport to a five-star hotel in the heart of Seoul. Yerim had all the time in the world to prepare, and yet when she emerges from the bathroom in nothing but a modest bathrobe and her dark hair bundled up, she’s never looked better.

Facing an idol in such a haggard condition, it gives you an underlying feeling of shame. And if you’re being completely honest, if not for your cock, she’d probably be repulsed and call security on you.

But there's no security in sight. Just you, just yeri, the two of you standing in this room - which is, for the most part, quite nice. Multiple bedrooms, a lovely view of the city beneath you, and all sorts of amenities and features you’ll never get to use—you half expect her members to come in later, but perhaps for your sake, you’re better off with just her and her alone.

When Yerim begins to talk, she rambles. She goes on about the status of the next album, discussions about a possible solo debut, her relationships with her members—conversations about topics that you never really had online. It was mostly dirty talk and lewd captions. At best, you knew each other at a surface level, but here she is, sharing everything from her heart like you’ve been lifelong friends since day one.

You let her. She’s as charismatic as what she portrays on screen, and her sass is no different than the private messages she sends you. There’s not a single dull moment whenever Yerim speaks. Though you know her mostly for her body, her personality is what has you sticking around.

You wonder if she feels the same way about you.

“So, how’d you find out about us?” Yerim asks, after blabbering for a while, and you genuinely believe she’d keep going till nightfall. Close enough. Five minutes away from five in the afternoon, and you’d already spent the last hour and a half listening to a personalized podcast from her. You hope she doesn’t notice the plate of bulgogi on the table now completely empty.

“Well, a friend was a K-pop fan and had an extra ticket when you toured here,” you say, casually, slumped on the sofa. “Forgot how long that was—” you pause, “five years ago?”

“Five years? Five years since we went to America?” Yerim appears flabbergasted, face in utter disbelief at the passage of time. The realization causes her to stand from her chair. You’d be too after listening to her drone on endlessly. “Fuck.”

“SM! Give us a fucking world tour already!” she screams, pretending she’s inside the company building and you’re an executive in the room. Watching her snarkiness come to life never ceases to amuse you. You’ll let her go on for as long as she needs to; she’s entertaining in such a unique and charming way that it disarms you.

“Argh, sorry, you know me.” She suddenly stops, faces you, arms crossed, mocking up a pout. “Look at me suddenly losing my shit for no good reason.”

“Are your members used to this?”

That didn’t come out right.

She bats an eyelid. On her face is a mild, blank look of displeasure. That didn’t come out right.

“Used to what?”

“Well, uh, I—I mean—”

You gulp your throat.

“Stop.”

Then, an air of awkward silence. Her eyes quickly scan you, lazing on the sofa.

“Let’s just get to fucking each other right now.”

—————

It isn’t that you’ve forgotten the one purpose you’re there to begin with, it’s that Yerim is very, very impulsive. One moment, upset at her company for doing the bare minimum for her group and her career, the next she’s using you as an outlet to release her frustrations. It’s a good thing your first impression of her was that she was very busty, because otherwise, the other description you had of her was—simply put—bratty.

You’re on your back, plopped against one of the beds, completely caught off-guard by her show of strength. Eyes rolled to the back of your head, you find Yerim already at the bed’s edge, loosening the belt around her waist, quickly disrobing herself within seconds. It’s nothing new; you’ve seen glimpses of her nude figure in pictures, imagined many scenarios where you’ve got your hands on her, but this—to see her completely bare in the flesh—is new.

This is different.

“Just so you know,” you mutter, frantically panting, your heart jumping, as Yerim undresses in front of you, “I haven’t actually had sex before.”

Just like that, the mood instantly changes. She stops. Abruptly.

“What?”

Her mouth drops—again. Might as well stay agape.

You consider retracting your statement. It was a joke, you’d say, something to get her even more aroused, fired up. The sex would be wilder, hotter than anything your fantasies would conjure. Then again, you wouldn’t be in this exact situation if you weren’t so chronically online, simping over pop idols like a kid about to enter puberty.

“I guess that’s to be expected,” she comments, snarkily, grabbing the edges of your pants, daring to rip them off you. “That’s fucking life, baby!”

If you were in her shoes, obsessively waiting for someone with equally unhinged horniness, expressing precisely how you’d get fucked every single time you’d send a remotely lewd photo, you’d feel just as disappointed. You can tell by her partially scornful expression: she’s been fantasizing this moment as much as you have, too. You can’t blame her, but you kind of expected her to anticipate this; after all, you connected in a private group chat that’s been sexualizing her, of all places.

Surely the signs of virginity were right there.

“At least this is real,” she says, leaning her head forward while cupping your growing bulge poking through your trousers. Your tip, at full mast, mere inches away from her chin, instead of a little phone screen. She’s pushing you around, growing slightly more mischievous and uncontrollable with the prospect of throwing someone like you around instead of the opposite. Something her members may have taught and ingrained in her.

It isn’t quite the picture you expected from all the erotic snapshots and clips she’s been sending you. Every photo and video, designed to rouse the filthiest and wildest of your thoughts, was an act, a ruse to let your guard down, to give you this fixed headcanon that you can toss her around like she’s your personal plaything and object of pleasure. Instead, she’s using you for her own desires and wants.

It’s not that you don’t want her to use you and fuck you like this, it’s how completely in control she is that has you reeling, leaves you in a dizzy spell.

“I was gonna let you use my pussy and fuck me to ruin,” she says, playfully rolling her eyes, teasing and mocking. Her hand grips around the denim of your bulge, and it fucking stings. You’re sucking on loose air. “But since we have a virgin over here, I’m gonna do whatever I want.”

The implied connotation is what terrifies you, and no, it isn’t the revelation that Yerim isn’t a virgin—you assumed that much—but the notion that you were gonna have free reign over her cunt that has you contemplating some deep, long forgotten life decisions that set you back years. Their consequences are now starting to show.

She releases her ironclad grip on your pants, frees you of your obstructive clothing, both trousers and boxers down to the floor. Your hard cock springs free, terribly aching, already red and sore from her suffocating clench, and already leaking bursts of precum. The last day and a half hasn’t been kind to your cock.

To add insult to injury, she makes this licking motion with her tongue, aimed at your tip, but relents at the last minute. It leaves your throbbing cock aching harder, without any point of relief. The teasing sight almost renders you unconscious, and sends Yerim into a laughing frenzy.

“Remember when I said I could taste your cock?” she says, chuckling. It’s not playful in the slightest—quite the opposite, in fact. It’s sinister. “I’ll wait a little longer to taste it. Don’t worry.”

Not the most reassuring of words, especially when you’ve got your hands tied—at least, not yet. Actually, you appreciate that she isn’t going to milk your cock dry just yet; when you finally look past the situation at hand, you come to treasure her chest. Her shapely chest, freely bouncing while she bounces her thick body on your lap—keep doing that, you say inside your mind, letting your wandering gaze soak in the unreal scene.

She notices your intrigued eyes, rising and falling in rhythm with her tits. Subtlety was never your intention, and she probably knows from experience, as she says she does. Fixated attention is how she gets herself off, based on how she seems to respond to the lewd messages you’ve sent her in the past, and it shows when she repeats some choice remarks back to your face:

“I’d kill my boss to fuck those tits right now, you’re so goddamn sexy.”

She grips a hand around your throat, another down to the buttons of your shirt, pulling them apart.

“Let me be your personal titty towel.”

Halfway there.

“I’d suck on your tits first, go down on your delicious pussy, then fuck that wet hole of yours three times straight.”

Just like that, you’re both even. Equal in nakedness.

You’re unsure whether it’s the sight of Yerim asserting her dominance over you, tits all up in your face with a devious smirk as she bares you down to your essentials that’s leaving you short on air, or if it’s the hand cautiously coiled around your neck. Either option seems sensible enough. This is how she lives in your head rent free, just being her sassy, sexy self. Even repeating some of the same particularly questionable lewd things you’ve written to her sounds hot with her brazen tone.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” she raises an eyebrow, leaning her head close, as if demanding an answer.

Really, there’s no multiple choice here. Of course you nod.

She rolls her hips upward, inches her body across yours little by little, til her dripping pussy completely shadows your view. Her hand grabs the back of your head, meaty thighs pressing between your face. Now you’re truly suffocating. Even with the rather shameful admission, she rolls her crotch on your lips, expecting you to know what to do. No words, just the expectant grind of her crotch on your face, her wet folds opening up for you to take them.

Then, she begins moaning.

Admittedly, the closest you’ve had to trying out oral is using your phone as an outlet for your tongue whenever she sends a boob photo. Thankfully, your inexperience doesn’t show when you first dip your tongue inside her folds, getting your first taste of pussy. Saltier than you expected, but fuck, you’d be lying if you think it wasn’t completely intoxicating—everything you hoped for, and more.

It incites a few expressive reactions from Yerim—some loud, others quieter—with the end result usually a sharper, deeper grind of her waist on your face, splaying her cunt for you to devour. You’ve got one hand pressed on her ass, holding her plump flesh down while the other is at her mercy, pulled by hers, forced to squeeze her breast. You won’t complain. Not when her cries of pleasure motivate you to push yourself harder.

You repeat this addictive cycle, stretch moments into minutes, minutes into hours. Even when you’ve drained her completely, you’ll still be craving for more of her; that’s how hungry she’s made you. Your tongue meets her clit, and it draws out this especially sharp whine that she’s never hit once. Not on a track. Not anywhere. She swears up a storm, juxtaposed between soft, gentle pleas of “yes, more, and you’re so good.”

In return, you take more of her, soak yourself in the continuous downpour of her slick juices freely flowing all over your mouth and tongue. As her pleasure escalates, her fingers tighten their grasp on your head, grab your tousled hair. You add soft, intimate kisses between streaks of licking her folds, and they send the young idol writhing, shaking atop you. Her words have been reduced to nothing but short, needy bursts of “please.” Even in this uncontrollable state, she gyrates her hips around you, rhythm steady, but more determined than ever to let herself go.

By the way her pussy throbs, you’re certain she’s a few critical points away from climax. It doesn’t change your plans, not one bit. You continue to lap at her sensitive folds, bask in her intoxicating heat, purposefully teasing her clit. She won’t demand that you end her —not this quickly, not when you’ve magically learned the art of giving oral to a woman under short notice.

You slowly work her through it. Your tongue dives into her slick entrance, deeper than it's ever been so far. The overpowering sensations send ripples that reach even the foundations of the bed, unlike anything it’s ever felt. Even in the wild throes of bodily pleasure, Yerim has enough willpower to stay in character, delivering a demand in her usual playful, fast talking tone. “Please do it! I’m going to cum!”

You contemplate the thought, completely drunk in her divine taste yourself, but you oblige.

Your tongue sticks to her bud, and it causes this instantaneous, elaborate chain reaction. Yerim cries a sharp cry, waves of orgasm washing down all over her body. She stops in her tracks, completely rigid, mouth wide open, and this torrential gush of slick and orgasm swamps you, drowning you so deep that it's nearly fatal. Her thighs involuntarily clench tighter, too, and you’re temporarily trapped in your own pocket dimension, impossible to clean with all the cum left behind, especially on the sheets.

The most surprising observation from her orgasm is how suddenly calm it becomes. Only the sound of your tongue licking her clean can be heard, and it’s nothing but a gentle rustle. She hangs her head up, face completely flushed, catching needed oxygen in her lungs, letting the aftermath of her climax pass over.

While her breath normalizes, she lifts herself up, moves to the side of the bed. In her wake, she’s left behind a drenched lake of slick around your face, leaking down to the muddled sheets beneath you.

“Well,” she says, panting and pausing for air. “There goes the other bed.”

It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out what she meant. Even when you’re still mindlessly occupied by the sticky residue around your lips. You let out this muffled exhale, designed to be a laugh, but it backfires in your face. Amused, she giggles on your behalf.

“Not bad.” Yerim smiles at you. Charming and cute, a contrast to what had just transpired. “I thought you said you never had sex?”

It takes you a moment before you answer back, “I haven’t. You just taste really good.”

“You still have some left on the edges of your face,” she comments, her eyes mesmerized by how much she’s cum all over you. “Let me help you clean that up.”

And she helps, but not in a conventional way. She lifts you from the bed by your torso, then submerges you again, this time at the mercy of her bosom. You’ve got your arms wrapped around her waist while you’re kissing and sucking on her Yerim’s tits, not exactly tidying up, but creating a larger mess that no amount of tongue cleaning can resolve.

In the meantime, she whispers in your ear some of your more—questionable—comments:

“They need to give her a solo debut with a very sexy concept and trust me, I’ll be the guy who breaks the world record for jerking off if they do that.”

“It must feel heavy to carry them all the time. Let me lend a hand to you.”

“The only thought I had inside my mind when I saw her is every member would milk her 3x a day so that they don’t have to go outside and buy milk to eat cereal to the point they would just drink it from the source.”

You stop. You give her this strange, confused look. Even you couldn’t believe you said that.

“Did I actually say that?”

“Yes!” she replies, quick and straightforward, unable to hide her enthusiasm, while brushing your hair. “Not gonna lie, that sent me to the floor. I was laughing so hard, Irene ran in to check up on me!”

To make things worse, she flashes this wide, toothy grin that makes you regret your life choices.

“God. I don’t wanna drink anymore.”

“Hey, if there’s any consolation, you wouldn’t be sucking on my tits and eating me out now if you never made that comment,” she says, caressing your chin and giving you a peck on the lips. As if it’s still not one of the most out of pocket comments you’ve ever made about anyone, let alone a celebrity—and you weren’t fully yourself.

“Relax. Don’t think about it too much.” Yerim pushes you back down to the bed, crawls atop you, meeting your lips again for an intimate kiss. Your hard cock, which has been left unattended for quite a while, captures your attention—and especially hers. “Lean back for me, will you?”

You comply. Involuntarily, your legs straighten, but Yerim pushes them apart, places herself at center view, seemingly ready to take you in her mouth. It makes sense; a woman with a mouth that runs like hers probably only stops when there’s cock stuffed inside them. The theory proves to be plausible when she gives your sensitive tip a delicate, yet dangerous lick, her eyes glinting at you with renewed vigor and lust.

“I told you I’d have a taste of that cock,” she says, half smug, half seductive, gloating with her brows. Your tenseness slightly recedes—until you realize your cock’s moving past her lips, in the direction of the space between her cleavage. “I didn’t say I wanted to suck on it.”

And she was right—not once has she ever expressed her desire to choke, gag, deepthroat on it.

You grit your teeth, watching your cock disappear between her shapely tits, with Yerim personally making sure you comfortably fit like a glove. You fold. It’s snug. Hot. Breathtaking.

“Fuck, Yeri,” you mutter, closing your eyes as her inviting warmth leaves you weak in the knees, trembling. You don’t realize you’ve used her stage name over her real name. “God—”

“Does this feel like everything you wanted?” she asks, tone sultry and triumphant. A little slide up sends you into a frenzy.

You nod—even though there’s no other available options. The erotic image in front of you is permanently seared into your head: Kim Yerim, popular idol and to an extend, your ‘friend with benefits,’ grinning like a maniac, slowly fucking your cock between her tits, coated with your saliva, sweat, and copious amounts of precum. To think your little crude messages on a random forum would have such long term and drastic consequences such as this.

Not that you’d want to make sense of it all, especially when she gets into a rhythm. Sliding her breasts up and down, she’s delicate, intentional, and masochistic; you’re on the receiving end of how she felt when you were slowly eating her out. She’s dangerous, teetering between the line where your cock can be safe between her bosom and where she can break you in half. You’re already falling apart—and fast.

“Holy shit, Yerim. Fuck.”

Each word you deliver is long and drawn out, especially the profanities. Heavenly music to her ears. She’s out of reach where you can pull by her hair, so you settle for the sheets instead. Your gaze wanders, travels everywhere but in her direction, because you don’t need to see the tortuous scene happening between your legs. Looking at the descending sun, this is probably the last time you’ll see the sun set in your life.

Her eyes challenge you to look at anywhere from her. Panting frantically, you find yourself at the mercy of Yerim’s whims, your cock fading and swelling into view, sticky and wet, gushing cum all over her tits. The sight drives you further mad, has you making sounds that have never been recorded—ever. She takes you in, delights in your suffering, eager for you to say the magic words.

“Ready to cum? I know you want to cum.”

Even under duress, you’re not ready to fold just yet. There’s a little stubbornness inside you fighting back, pulling all the stops to keep you from surrendering to Yerim’s demands. You close your eyes, grip on the sheets even tighter, control your breathing, but it’s too little too late. You can only do so much with two hands.

“Cum for me.”

You hold onto a particularly deep breath, desperate to cling to whatever dying vestiges of control there is left, but your fate has already been sealed from the moment you’ve allowed your cock to enter her chest.

“Yerim, I—”

The exhale you release is the most relieving and satisfying. With it, comes out a rope of thick, creamy cum splashed all over her neck and chest. The aching, violent sensation doesn’t stop; more seed spills between the warmth of her cleavage. In one fell swoop, you feel all of your energy sapped from you, leaving you completely weak and powerless.

In the gap between your climax and post-orgasm haze, you wonder if she’ll take some of your cum in her mouth, with the way she looks at your cock as it throbs beneath her chin. No. She lets it drip down her perfect naked body with a sticky white sheen that glows under the natural light piercing through the hotel’s window.

“Just like that, hm,” she comments, casually flicking the last of your withering orgasm and cum with her wrist. She lathers the slick on her fingers on her shoulder, then places some into her mouth for a taste.

After you regain a semblance of normalcy—after Yerim’s finished entertaining herself with your cum, staring at her coated body and fingers with curious interest—she rests her elbows on your knees, in the process of relearning how to bend. You sink back against the headrest, watch as the fading sun glimmers on an idol like her, destined to shine for every occasion possible—on the stage and under the afterglow of sex. She smiles, bright and wide, taking you in, as you are.

There’s something brewing, especially in the tender few minutes that follow. Something special, something more than just a spark.

“So—” Yerim runs a sticky finger on your knee, dangerously close to stirring up your cock again. “You wanna try anal with me next?”

You pause. Widening your eyes, staring back with a look of disbelief. Just when you’re about to open your mouth to reply, she adds:

“Kidding. You do know that you’re gonna have to delete those tweets and comments, right? If they find out you’re here, you’re fucked. And I mean, a thousand times worse than now.”

—————

(A/N: This was an absolute joy to write. The nature of the request meant I could go very meta with it. About time we get a proper Red Velvet full album, so perfect timing! If you're able to figure out some of the references and easter eggs, then you, my friend, are too engrossed in the Tumblr K-pop male reader smut lore. Thank you for reading!)

(P.S. If you want to have your own story/idol written, you can ask for a commission :D)

#smut #kpop smut #yeri #red velvet

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zurgles · 5 months ago

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Comedy Anime I’ve Liked

Asobi Asobase

Daily Lives of High School Boys

D-Frag!

Mob Psycho 100

One Punch Man

Tonari No Seki-kun

Kaguya-sama: Love is war

Hinamatsuri

Poyopoyo

Love is hard for Otaku

Haruhi Suzumiya (and light novels)

Servant x Service

Senyuu

Ouran High School Host Club

Lovely Complex

Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions

Romantic Killer

Toradora!

Arakawa Under the Bridge

Disastrous Life of Saiki K (can’t believe I forgot this, I was obsessed. Top 5)

Handa-kun

Monthly Girls Nozaki-kun

Nichijou

Aho Girl (it was just ok tbh)

Fudanshi Koukou Seikatsu

Heaven’s Design Team

Tesagure! Bukatsu mono

If you have any recommendations for comedy anime, let me know! I’m gonna edit this as more shows come to me.

More shows under the cut.

More anime I like / am watching

Kimi ni todoke (read the manga in high school but fell off, watching again now years later)

One Piece (still in the hundreds)

Dungeon meshi

Monster

Sousou no Frieren

Magical Witch Punie-chan

Spy x Family

Mashle

Life Lessons with Uramichi Oniisan

Anime I fell off

Sailor moon (few years ago, might have finished R)

Inuyasha (back in high school, think I made it halfway)

Uncle from another world (plan to finish)

The Way of the Househusband (season two, plan to finish)

Ranma 1/2

Chio’s School Road

Devil is a part-timer (finished season 1)

Bungou Stray Dogs (think I made it through season 3? plan to finish)

Detective Conan

Space Dandy

Other shows I like

Avatar the last airbender

Legend of Korra

There are other manga and anime I’ve watched, mostly in high school like Special A, Maid-sama, Fruits Basket, Absolute Boyfriend, Nodame Cantabile (did I finish this? I remember I watched the live action), Skip Beat (was pretty obsessed but fell off around the setsuka arc), Rurouni Kenshin (finished the manga in high school, fell off the anime), Beauty Pop, Crimson Hero (never finished), probably more that I can’t remember. edit: All the Sayonara Zetsubou Senseis when I was in high school. Ace Attorney. Death Note. Cowboy Bebop. Hyouka.

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agendabymooner · 1 year ago

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fashion week ! alex a. x ofc (k-pop idol!ofc)

“everything she do is for the media.”

summary: alex albon and polly berkshire are just extremely active on social media — they really aren’t just a couple made for the sake of their public image. OR moments in which the two were the power couple of formula one.

content warning: established relationship, use of explicit language, alex and ofc shitting on each other’s lives (affectionately), haters gonna hate shake off, full view the photos to enlarge the text messages!

note: vibes based on steel banglez’s song fashion week (with aj tracey and mostack) enjoy xx

masterlist

tagged thepolsci

liked landonorris, georgerussell63, lewishamilton

roses_are_rosie 🔥🤧 liked by alex_albon

landonorris peak editorial page era

alex_albon stay mad ☺️

charles_leclerc you’ve always been my favourite model 😍 liked by alex_albon

arthur_leclerc what do you know about fashion shal 🤣🤣 liked by alex_albon

user1 ABSOLUTE VIOLATION 😮‍💨😮‍💨

user2 LMFAO ALEX LIKING ARTHUR’S COMMENT BAHAHAHA

georgerussell63 thepolsci blink twice if you were forced to go blonde too

thepolsci tbh we don’t know why we both got our hair bleached but it was lit tho (my scalp, i mean)

thepolsci unnecessarily hot, babe 😮‍💨😮‍💨 liked by alex_albon

alex_albon no u 😍

landonorris alright, just kiss and move on. some of us just want to go through the day

boamckinnon what lando said^

thepolsci lance_stroll get your shit together and take her away from my timeline i might pull a worldstar on her 🙄🙄

boamckinnon 🤬🤬

user3 JENNIE ROSÉ COME GET YOUR GIRLS 😭😭

user4 everything hits different when you’re british— just look at bora and polly.

user5 i’m surprised neither of them called the other the c word yet tbh

user6 soon enough, i’m certain

user7 alex being invited to these shows as her plus one is the best thing that could’ve happened this season 😭

user8 real 😮‍💨 it’s been boring lately

user9 albono cleans up real good tho 🥵

user10 sliding through this instagram carousel really is just a game of smash or pass. surprisingly i keep saying smash

tagged alex_albon

liked by lance_stroll, boamckinnon, logansargeant

user1 i just know his skincare routine is expensive 😭

user2 he does look like he invests money in the ordinary or something 🤭

user3 guys… he has a brand deal with cerave

user4 okay yeah maybe his skincare routine is sacred indeed

logansargeant drop your skincare routine 🤨

thepolsci men’s tears mostly

logansargeant that should be easy. i just need to show alex a photo of you two together then i’ll get a handful liked by thepolsci

williamsracing sarge this isn’t very team player of you 😭😭 we cry too

user5 bro just exposed his own teammate 🤣

alex_albon i got the hydroflask with those silly stickers we got from amazon filled with cold water. i’ve been consuming water. is that good? liked by thepolsci

thepolsci absolutely 🫡 proud of you my love

alex_albon hydrated for you, my girl 🫡

user6 mama y papa 😁😁

user7 i love my favourite wag, alex albon. he’s so babygirl 🤧

bonus !!

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porcupine-girl · 4 months ago

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The BJYX Store!

Ok, it wasn’t a whole BJYX store, but it did have a BJYX section! It was an idol store, whose existence I was tipped off to by @marlo-noni. This mall (Shanghai Joy City) had two idol stores in addition to a million anime/donghua/etc stores–I’ll make separate posts for all the non-bjyx merch I saw (and bought). Both idol stores were 75% kpop but with Cpop/Cdrama sections if you looked around.

And this one had an actual shelf that was not labeled Xiao Zhan or Wang Yibo or both, but actually labeled 博君一肖 bjyxszd!

It wasn’t huge, but the fact that it’s still there five years after the Untamed aired speaks volumes about how mainstream this is.

See more under the cut!

Yes, there was a full-size (well, not quite as tall as he really is) XZ cutout next to it. :)

It had a lot of stuff that was just XZ or just WYB–photo cards (which seem VERY popular, they were like 50% of the content of both idol stores), standees, pins, etc–but also actual BJYX merchandise! Mostly fanart-based, some of which I'd seen before. This stuff was definitely not officially licensed by either of them (which makes me wonder if anything in this store besides the K-pop CDs was actually officially licensed?)

Two sets of wedding-themed fanart standees:

Also this kind of ugly/awkward pin of them... kissing? Ish?

This store (I wish I'd taken more photos of the whole store, tbh) had a ton of these double-sided posters/banners about 6"x18" for all the different idols, and in addition to individual ones for XZ and WYB they had a whole bunch of BJYX ones. They were on the shelves with the other banners, rather than in the BJYX section. I wound up buying three–the first photo is one side of each, the second photo is the other (not sure which is "front" and "back").

I'm honestly not sure what "Doll's Fate" is about on that third one. Tagging in the BJYX experts: @rainbowsky @accio-victuuri @wwx-lwj-ai-ni @bjyxobsessed any of you know what that's referring to?

The other idol store in Shanghai Joy City wasn't as explicit about the BJYX, but they did have a whole shelf just for the two of them, separate from all the other Cpop people:

All the merch was just one boy or the other, though, I couldn't find anything with both on one item, let alone explicitly shippy.

For the record, I scoured three malls in Beijing (SoShow, Xidan Joy City, and Chaoyang Joy City) and while I found various other cool merch, I could not find any dedicated idol stores in any of them. Although I will admit I didn't have time to go through Chaoyang JC as thoroughly as the others – these malls are all huge, like 8-11 stories!

Bonus #1: This eyeglasses kiosk that was right outside the bjyx store knew exactly what it was doing:

Bonus #2: Can you believe they just happened to be playing Wu Ming when I was browsing the BJYX merch? It's not surprising that they were playing music by the idols they sold, but the fact that they just happened to play one of Yibo's songs in the 15 or so minutes I was there was amazing.

#bjyx #yizhan #pg goes to china #I really wish I'd taken more photos #I just felt so awkward walking around taking all these photos of what to everyone else is just like a normal store #I think I got all the image descriptions in the alts but let me know if I missed one

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mecachrome · 12 days ago

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fic writer questions

haiii thank u @bright-and-burning for the tag :') nobody is online so i will Reflect and return with a worse image...

how many works do you have on AO3?

20 (16 on my main account, 4 on my sports account)... and then 15 more on dreamwidth ��

what's your total ao3 word count?

175.5k T__T

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

gurllll. no one needs to see my 11th grade k-pop fic like that

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i try my best but i have a difficult relationship with my writing so i often block out that i wrote a fic at all after some time and it hinders my ability to acknowledge commenters directly ;__; and then i always feel awkward responding like 6 months late to someone so i just let it go even though i know no one actually minds... i really do appreciate every comment i get though and deeply cherish everyone's kind words and generosity!!!

what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i don't really write angsty endings tbh i just write vaguely bittersweet ambiguous stuff... perhaps sharl character study i wrote for a friend's birthday would be up there because the whole thing is just inelegant whump LOL

what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

for my own birthday a couple of years ago i wrote an extremely self-indulgent k-pop fic with all of my favorite tropes and also coded elaborate interactive html/css elements with multimedia messages and notifications you could tap on and the whole thing was just sweet secret relationship toothrutting fluff 💗 anyway extremely cringe but i enjoyed myself and thought it was mostly cute

do you write crossovers?

i haven't for any fictional fandoms... the concept is fun though!

have you ever received hate on a fic?

not directly 2 my face !!!

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i'm an ambiguous fade 2 black kind of guy even if i do try my best at times... TT i'm just too repressed 4 this life unfortunately. pwp writers have my major respect it really is sooo difficult to write cohesive compelling comprehensible porn

have you ever had a fic stolen?

idts but i have had oomfs/people adjacent my circles turn out to be plagiarizers which is always an unpleasant surprise!

have you ever had a fic translated?

yasss shoutout to anyone who has translated my random fics to russian or spanish 🧡

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes ! i wrote a bnha au for a k-pop ship with my friend once lol she wrote most of it and i kind of just contributed a scene and the concept but it was still really fun, she's a much better writer than i could ever hope to be... also helped friend finish a fic for a fest once because it was overdue and she tapped out so i was up until 6am filling in scenes randomly for her. oh to be 18 again <3

what's your all-time favorite ship?

unfortunately in f1 it is simply landoscar... all-time i don't know!!! actually i do but i don't want to say it. nvm

what's a wip that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

arghhh... all of my 814 wips at the moment honestly. especially my kidfic verse that i'm deeply attached to but tragically incapable of working on TT and the jb81 that i totally gave up on!!!

what are your writing strengths?

this is an oxymoron.... i have never written anything good in my entire life. i love to beta read other people's fic for grammar though that's always fun

what are your writing weaknesses?

poor/stiff dialogue, horrible romantic development, inconsistent scene lengths, completely flat plot, no concept of good writing practices in general, a horrible tendency to purple prose, inability to write any actual conflict, i could go on

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

ehmmm i had a lot of strong opinions on this in k-pop fandom LOL and then it was funny to see the same thing happening in f1 but just with different languages (so much random french/german dialogue...) but i think there are untranslatable or commonly recognized words that can be sprinkled in verbatim, like in k-pop it makes sense to use certain honorifics that don't have english equivalents but i draw the line at not translating existing terms like "mom" lol... but i have a lot of thoughts on how languages are communicated in fic in general (perhaps too many), like i also overthink how to communicate grammatical structure - so if i'm writing a french character speaking french but presenting the dialogue in english or same with korean in k-pop fic i usually try to make it flow in a way that is as grammatically reasonable as possible, which goes beyond simple semantics but into the actual logic of syntax + verb order... ok i'll stop actually

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

i was writing crasy fanfiction in middle school 🧡 earliest i remember though is probably naruto circa 6th/7th grade... honestly hard to say because i purged a lot of my ffdotnet output out of shame in 8th grade lmfao

what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I Forgor...

what's your favorite fic you've written?

for my sports fics i'm partial to my latest 814 fic because i feel like it's just generally inoffensive and not plainly awful 🤔 in general though i'm attached to some of my like most niche audience_of_2 dw fic that i've written for nugu boy groups with literally 0 fans. like a level of total nobodyness few can comprehend........... we were in the trenches

no pressure tagging @piastrisms @chelemlem @miamimaiden @liamlawsonlesbian if it would be of any interest ! 🥰

#personal #the less i write da better <3 #fun to introspect though

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takeyourlithium · 4 months ago

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hi :)

I'm Moss (or D if you so prefer). This is my 400th attempt at making an introduction post. Here are some things I like:

Smiling Friends

K-Pop (tbh it's mostly just IU. I love IU. Also what I affectionately call The Remains of LOONA (ARTMS, LOOSSEMBLE, Yves, and Chuu), as well as the group Red Velvet

Classical Music (I'm a musician and if I ever get around to recording myself more I may post myself playing whatever I'm learning)

Also I really like the band Men I Trust

Reading books (My favorite authors are Kazuo Ishiguro and Kurt Vonnegut)

Cats!!!!!!!!! :3

Those Disco Elysium fellas.

Downton Abbey

Severance

I am cringe, but I am free.

the only things i want to really "promote" out of here would probably be my ao3 and my "music" and my failed attempt at a netlabel. Check those out if you want

- m/w @jamesfromidaho <3

#introduction post #new pinned

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yakuzacanons · 1 year ago

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Karaoke And Music Headcanons - Yakuza 1-4 Protagonists Edition

Karaoke is one of my favorite parts of Yakuza and they are genuinely bangers tbh, plus the VAs do a great job so here are some of my thoughts on how our protags are when they go out to karaoke and what they like to listen to.

Kazuma Kiryu

Mostly listens to classic rock. Has a small vinyl collection at Morning Glory tucked away into a corner of his room. However, he rarely listens to music loudly as he does not want to disturb the kids.

Will not dance to music but will bob his head to the beat. Sadly his dancing days are behind him, along with the bubble era. He didn’t mind cutting loose on the dance floor when he was in his early 20′s though.

On the other hand, he loves karaoke. He will usually go by himself and just belt out his favorite songs. It’s honestly a form of stress relief for him. Sometimes he’ll take the kids with him and they all have a blast.

Since he does enjoy singing, he is extremely proud of Haruka for pursuing an idol career. He will never brag about Haruka to others to avoid ruining her chances at success but secretly he is THE proudest dad. Will memorize all the words to anything she sings.

Majima Goro

Mostly listens to pop music. Prefers 80′s and 90′s pop but anything on the radio suits his taste. If it’s catchy, he likes it.

Is very bad at memorizing lyrics so he hums all the time instead. He often gets caught at work humming some jingle to himself. Only knows all the words to his company construction song.

Despite this, he loves writing his own silly songs in his head. Usually they’re rather silly. He loves to annoy Saejima with whatever random tune he’s come up with.

At karaoke, he is good at singing if it’s a song he is somewhat familiar with. If he has never heard it before, he will just improv his way through most of it, cackling to himself. He prefers dancing to singing karaoke.

Saejima Taiga

Like Kiryu, he’s more of a rock guy. Also fond of blues. More of an old school music fan. He’s not up to date on new singers or bands.

He’s very self conscious so he will not play music on speakers or sing out loud. He prefers to wear headphones while listening to music. You might catch him humming VERY quietly to himself, which sounds like a low rumbling almost.

Rarely seen at karaoke but Majima drags him there anyways. Even if neither of them know the words or are good at singing, Majima wants to make up for lost time with his sworn brother.

Very shy when he sings but once he gets going, he has a smooth bassy voice. Prefers to do backup. Great at keeping a beat with a tambourine.

Akiyama Shun

Up to date on all the music trends. Part of the territory with running a hostess club, honestly. He picks up a lot of new music from the girls there.

As an extension of his work, sometimes he takes his hostesses to karaoke as part of their training for after hours dates. They’re all a little intimidated when he does this as he tends to sing better than all of them.

Loves going to karaoke, especially with Hana as she is the only one who can keep up with his energy. They sing a lot of duets.

He’s big on love songs. Akiyama is a romantic and daydreamer at heart so his music taste reflects that. Loves a sappy ballad. Also really into jazz music but he doesn’t talk about it much and prefers to listen to it in the comfort of his home when he’s trying to unwind.

Tanimura Masayoshi

Being able to speak so many languages has given way to Tanimura exploring a lot of world music. He’s really into k-pop lately but will not admit it, even if you ask him. The other cops tease him for it but he and Mei Hua bond over it. He is also fond of rap music.

He’s very shy about singing and will try to avoid karaoke as much as possible. However, if he does get roped into it, he’s a pretty decent singer, albeit he does tend to sing rather softly.

Surprisingly fond of dancing and is kind of good at it. He tries to learn choreography from k-pop or j-pop routines in his spare time as he finds it both entertaining and good exercise. Helps him stay light on his feet.

Usually listens to music with a pair of earbuds and a music app on his phone. Since he’s always on the go, he doesn’t really have any form of music system at his apartment.

Bonus Round! Haruka Sawamura

Despite being an idol, she’s pretty neutral on most pop music. She is partial to girl groups and other girl idols as she looks up to them but she mostly ever listens to them as a means to better understand the industry rather than out of enjoyment.

Actually a metal fan but keeps it under wraps. Listens to music using earbuds and will quietly mouth the lyrics to herself under her breath.

At karaoke though, Haruka will always belt it out. She’s a lot like Kiryu in that way. They have the best jam sessions at karaoke.

She is not shy about singing at all, given her career. However, she is not the showboating type and will never brag or boast about her abilities. She’s very humble and to this day compliments on her singing make her blush.

#yakuza #yakuza headcanons #yakuza imagines #akiyama shun #yakuza 4 #ryu ga gotoku imagines #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku headcanons #kiryu kazuma #goro majima #saejima taiga #masayoshi tanimura #haruka sawamura

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hallasimss · 2 years ago

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— surprise 모두 기립 박수 (hala, hala) | ( 🎧 ) ( an introduction. click photos for better quality. )

it's patch day, everything has gone to sh*t for those who don't play vanilla (read: me, i refuse to update until my essential mods are back in working order) and somehow i figured this was well overdue since i've been mostly lurking in the community and spam liking (plus i uh. may be lacking in simblrs to follow). time to stop being creepy and make sure the rest of you know who i am sksksksk

* about me, or; an overview.

halla. non-binary, they/she/xe, they/them preferred. bi/pan. xviii. neurodivergent. afro-carribbean with south asian ancestry. islamic christian and religious pluralist. tired high school senior, video editor/translator volunteer and k-pop/indian cinema stan in their free time. (mostly) wcif friendly, stick to the inbox when inquiring. (if i see you in the comment section it's going to be very hard not to convince me to soft block you i'm sorry) currently tracking #hallasimss. follow from my main @theinfinitedivides.

* what to expect.

mostly cas and lookbook edits since i suck ass at sticking to legacy gameplay—will try to share shots here and there from my current playthrough, but do not be surprised if three months in there's another sim that is getting the main spotlight instead of the one before them. also trying my hand at converting a few illustrations into cas tattoos for personal use, so we'll see how it goes on the cc end

* where to find me.

i don't want to make it seem like i'm chronically online but i am chronically online in a way? if you can't catch me here or on my main you'll most likely find me on my pinterest or the deepest recesses of mydramalist if you're lucky and i'm back in my k-drama phase voluntarily (no, i'm not leaking my username. take a wild guess and tell me if you're right). discord invites are for mutuals only—otherwise, stalk me on spotify to get a glimpse into my mental health!!! you will however be asking yourself why i have a specific song on loop for six hours and i will not be able to answer that

* simblrs i recommend.

@softerhaze (sunblind is one of the only reasons i am able to make this post, ty) ∙ @cinamun ∙ @simelune ∙ @rhdweauni0 ∙ @tau1tvec ∙ @farfallasims ∙ @wildmelon ∙ @literalite ∙ @kadelyka ∙ @miilkymoonsims ∙ @kashisun ∙ @gunthermunch ∙ @bananasplit-sims ∙ @pralinesims (when i tell you that most of my mods folder is just their content i am not lying. absolute godsend) ∙ @puppycheesecake ∙ @glimersims

* fin.

and that's it, ig? i'm terrible at these sorts of things but hopefully all of this made some kind of sense—if you are an active simblr pls interact or say hi so i can follow you back, otherwise how tf am i supposed to find y'all if i'm now stuck in this community for the foreseeable future sfjsfdnkjsdnj (mobile navigation post coming soon-ish. if i can get more of my sh*t together. tbh that's highly unlikely but we're trying to be optimistic)

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honoviadakai · 2 years ago

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Diaboys at a Crane Asada with Hispanic S/O/Reader: Mukami edition

Ruki

Please warn him in advance. Like, minimum one week ahead of time

He wants time to study up on your culture and language to impress both you and your family

Tbh he can study for a week straight and still feel incredibly under prepared

When you guys arrive, he’s going to try and speak as much Spanish as possible throughout the entire event.

His Spanish is not fantastic, but for a beginner, it’s not half bad.

Doesn’t mind the music but good lord why is it loud??

Of all the drinks served there, his favorite is sangria soda

He thought it was actually wine and he felt so sophisticated that you didn’t have the heart to tell him…your dad did on the way out though

Again, the music is really loud for his taste but damn he’s amazing at Tango ;)

He find the food to be delicious, but heavy. His favorite dish being menudo

You need to help him because your abuelita keeps pushing tamales onto his plate and no mater how hard he tries, he can’t say no to her sweet face

Hates the beer your dad and tios are drinking but he will participate in any guy talk they’re having and they’re gonna enjoy it cuz Riki’s gonna mispronounce some words

He’s surprisingly good with kids so your younger cousins love him. He tired out after a few games so you’ll have to save him

Will absolutely help clean up afterwards. Your mom ain’t touching a single dish because he has designated himself as the night’s dishwasher

Kou

So Kou is canonically a famous idol, and if K-pop Stans have taught me anything…it’s that being part of a different culture/country doesn’t stop their love of their favorite artists

So if you have family that’s a huge fan of Kou’s music…maybe leave him at home until you can safely bring him

If he DOES come along though…good luck

Any family that are fans of his are going to swarm and either try to get an autograph or steal him away.

If things go down civilly, they’ll still gawk, but they’ll probably ask you in private/over text to talk to him/get an autograph

He’s a charmer so even if no one knows who he is, he’s gonna charm the pants off your family…hopefully not literally.

He thinks a lot of the food is WAY to heavy for him but watch this man scarf down 12 quesadillas and an entire bowl of mango salsa after complaining that the food is gonna destroy his figure 🙄

Loves Fanta, piña colads and mojitos like the rich white woman he secretly is 💅

If you guys have a chihuahua or Pomeranian, he’s gonna hold them the rest of the night cuz it’s a cute tiny doggo

If you have cats…they’re his now…sorry

You have to translate for him or he’s gonna have a translation app open but he’s not gonna attempt to speak the language purely cuz he has outs

Will not touch the beer, and he’ll probably only talk to your dad or abuelito in terms of guy talk

Will play with your cousins, but only for a bit

Will not help out with clean up, he doesn’t wanna chip his nails or hurt his back…even though he’s not human and could totally handle it 😒

Your family might give him nicknames like “guerito”, “flacito” or “sancas largas” cuz he just…gives off a vibe 🍌

Your family’s impressions will be…mixed…but mostly positive!

Yuma

Oh god this one’s gonna be a wild ride

Yuma is HUGE so already I can see him being nicknamed “El Gigante” or something the moment he sets foot in the host’s home

Thankfully he has a lot of energy so he doesn’t mind the loud, rowdy atmosphere, it’s very welcoming to him actually

Which is good because first thing that’s gonna happen is your much younger relatives are gonna wanna climb him like a tree

Absolutely will play with the kids, he thinks they’re endearing, especially when they talk about his height, so he’ll play whatever games they want

Will try to learn Spanish, he’s literally only gonna pick up the bad words though

Manz can pack away the food so your family loves him

He loves the Agua Frescas because they’re so refreshing and handmade so he’ll swap recipes with someone just so he can make these drinks at home, same thing goes for the food

Your family loves all the gardening, cooking and other suck tips cuz they’re genuinely helpful. He’s probably gonna end up helping out a lot around the place

The men in your family love having a couple beers with him cuz despite his big, gruff personality, he’s very down to earth and they appreciate that

Actually really likes the music so he’s gonna dance any chance he gets

Really good at bachata dancing

One of your cousins got the oh so devilish idea to play ‘Hoedown Throwdown’ and Yuma tore it up on the dance floor like his life depended on it

Your family filmed it, your cousins sent you the videos later…you’re grateful for the multiple angles ;)

He’s gonna do almost all the cleaning when the party is over

Your parents want you to marry him tbh xD

Azusa

This boy is both one of the best and worst people you can bring

He’s the best because he’s very polite and he has a high spice tolerance so your family will very quickly start to love him

But he’s also the worst because well…the spicy food wasn’t enough pain…he wants more…

Please for the love of god do not take your eyes off him, he might try to make the biggest Tio there punch him in the face as hard as he can if you’re not careful

If you can manage to keep him in check he’s honestly lovely to bring to events like this

He’ll play with you’re younger relatives whenever they ask…might be a little too keen on playing fútbol because the ball might hit him or someone could hurt him…

Because he’s on the smaller side, your family is relentlessly offering him more food and he’s gonna eat every bite both for the stomach pain and because he doesn’t wanna be rude

Will be invited to have some cerveza with the men in your family and tbh they really like hanging out with him!

He’s very chill and a good listener, this kinda becomes a bright green flag to your family that he’s gonna treat you right and one of your tios and your Abuelito give him their blessing after some drinks

Surprisingly likes cerveza??? And he’s weirdly not a lightweight either so he’s kinda just trying all the drinks there

His favorite is the Micheladas

He wants to learn some Spanish but he’s only gonna pick up a little bit of the language by the days end, his pronunciation isn’t perfect but it’s not terrible either

If anyone asks him to help out after the party’s over l, he absolutely will help

Your tias and Abuelita love him, expect them to pinch his cheeks

#diabolik lovers #mukami brothers #Ruki Mukami #Kou Mukami #Yuma Mukami #Azusa Mukami #Ruki x reader #Kou x Reader #Yuma x reader #Azusa x reader #hispanic reader

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voloslovelygoddexx · 3 months ago

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Volo (Pokemon)(my Spiritual spouse/Husband)

READ THE COLORED PARAGRAPHS BEFORE INTERACTING

SELF SHIPPERS WITH VOLO INTERACT WITH ME WITH GREAT CAUTION! But even then if I see a double im going to think its just an alt timeline of volo but even then its still hard to see so don't get pissy if I block you. I AM PROTECTIVE AND GET ANXIOUS AND JEALOUS EASILY SO YEAH

It is a major part of my spiritual practice and our relationship is as real to me as any human physical relationship(since Volo is an actual entity in my practice) so please respect that and don't claim its mental illness (I know I am neurodivergent and what I have and don't have mentally)so no self diagnosing me because I'm an actual pagan(who works mostly with Greek Deities)/occultist and I will immediately block you.

I had zero control of the situation. But apparently due to the universes constraints and multiple variables adding up. He found me apparently despite my late arrival to the pla party and in his words "fated red string brought us together" . Took me a while and a side-fiasco with Adaman (Volo didn't like that so guess who I chose!?) to fully accept that Volo was dead serious about me and our relationship like h u h!? Never had an entity do that. He is to me a divinized human like a roman Emperor with the sol invictus archetype and values. But he still is mysterious as ever. I can feel, hear and sense him in my space using my Clairsentience and Clairaudience and I astral project to interact with him on his level(since again he is a spiritual entity) and to go on dates etc

yes I will be using Piers to represent me (in pokemas)from now on due to similar fashion and demeanor so if you see Piers with Volo it equals Mystic and Volo

The nature of Volo and I's relationship

Volo is a bit stricter whith traditional romance and marriage more "human" since in his source he is originally a human but now is more of a divinized human like how roman Emperors are in my eyes and experience . Tbh volo since he a pop culture entity he doesn't allow me to be spoused to other pop culture entities ie traditional monogamy but if I'm spoused to actual deities that is fine since thats another level of devotion and very different

Also this is just me putting down thoughts and correspondences a digital Grimore page sorta thing for my crazy hubby

yes, Volo wandered in my space was like a getting ran over by a fucking train with Volo(since it was a while before I got pokemon legends arceus for the longest time I didn't have a switch rip and procrastination hit on getting legends arceus. First playthrough was down bad for adaman and wasn't paying attention much of story just wanted to play pokemon and shit thinking this was just going to be a normal pokemon experience )All of a sudden late at night this fucking crazy blonde merchant man wanders into my space being all. "HIIII I LOVE YOU I FOUND YOU!!!! TRANSCENDENT LOVE BLAH BLAH FATED BLAH BLAH I WANT TO MARRY YOU I LOVE YOU ARE PERFECTION BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH I LOVE YOU BLAH BLAH ETC"

Me: u h o k a y then

hggggg we have history together in past lives and such (considering I am a Giratina fictionkin but didn't know he was that down bad for me at the time. He thinks I'm beautiful and divine despite me thinking otherwise about myself ) turns out we got separated for years and many lives but he finally found me. Once I discovered his existence it was slow ag first but then blossomed into full blown fucking actual spiritual/romantic soul bound relationship) never felt like this before for anyone let alone a fictional fucking character. But other wise Volo and I's love is transcendent and knows no bounds. Despite the many hurdles and heartbreaks he went through in the past trying to find me he offically gave me his purple aura soothing heart 💜 and I am eternally grateful for him he is the best thing to ever fucking happen to me)

Took me a while to accept that this was my new lover(due to me always trying to play it cautious with romance relationships due to multiple multiple past traumas) hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhand first day of meeting him I lost him in his natural habitat, i.e., in Walmart, he is unhinged as f, so he fits right in. I call him Master Volo, My King or Vol, and he calls me his Teeny Tiny 'Tina, his Goddexx, Divinity, Little Devil. It's weird how similar we both are right down to autistic love of mythology and to the nihilistic unhingedness about the world.

A thing Volo did when channeling through me. I call the red chain a twizzler rope but he evil laughing

it is all for my spiritual practice he is overprotective of me, considering i was his giratina in an alternate universe or past life dunno. And yes, I am spirit spoused to him, and he calls me his "Goddexx" and "divinity."" i guess he weird when I shift to another of my kintypes or certain fictotypes. It is funny how I am a Giratina fictionkin along with being a seraph too many memories with him. I feel like right now he is trying to redeem himself just as I am. He has been time and time again traveling for idk how long or how many lives and universes trying to find forgiveness in himself for driving me(Giratina) away trying to find what was lost . He associates me with Giratina, Stargazer Lilies, Biblically Accurate angels(or traits of my angelic Otherkin form) Stars/Nighttime, Peafowl and or Avians, Luciferian Motifs, Bleeding hearts flowers, Spider lilies, White Roses, eyes and alot of them

my true form leaking out in protest

Too many memories and shit. But I'm guessing he is happy we both reunited. I feel like we on the same level . He gets me yah know? More than surface level it goes deeper and deeper to where it scares me but we are together so it is fine. The new world will be rebuilt without strife with me ruling it by his side apparently 😳 he kinda the lovey dovey settle down "get married and rule a new world as King and Queen/ Emperor/Empress God/Goddexx" kinda type. Fanatical though

Vol is practically a monster fucker since I am a being of stars, abyssal energy and thought up dreamscapes in a borderline nullified conglomerate of Angelic and Demonic abstractions rotting away in a physical human vessel ⚠️ also I am a biblically accurate Seraph so yeah it gets even more funky. But my physical flesh vessel is just a gothic/punk neurodivergent gremlin bookworm who is too obsessed with the occult, botany, Astronomy and history to ever conceive of wasting time with human interaction because mentally am on another plane ie an observer of the downfall of the human race also gender is non existent to me so I'm just a Nonbinary/gendervoid thing. Volo loves every piece of that though which I'm surprised tbh lol🧏🏼‍♂️

My Giratina gijinka Sona self insert

Me with volo

Also some things he created through channeling 💜🥺😈❤️‍🔥🧏🏼‍♂️

Volo altar

His vibe is golden hour sunset over the ocean ie fire and water with some Earthly influences(the earth element only comes out when he is in his merchant persona) his fire and water element goes to the extreme in intensity due to his literal emotional tsunami's and inferno of passion for what he loves. He gives off sol invictus archetype appearance to me at times (at times I thought he had a halo around his head making him look angelic and when he gets livid its like looking right into the blazing sun itself especially when in altered states) and considering how Yang and Dominant he is Volo doesn't fuck around when it comes to getting what he wants. He is quick and brutally intense when riled up but at the same time soothing and relaxing. Like you feel safe yet wary to not get on his bad side with his all enveloping powerful solar energy. He is unhinged though and fiercely protective over me but me since I'm more of a nighttime/yin person I have to be careful when astralling near him( due to my astral form being of nighttime shadows alignment) when he is full force livid considering he radiates pure concentrated light(learned that the hard way). Also the devil squishmallow he named after me due to me being a little devil at times🔥🤤. His aura color is bright yellowish orange(gets deeper orange to borderline raging red when angry enough) with rich purples swirling in the center. He has a heartbeat tempo in his energy a purple loving heart 💛💜 and again we are soul bonded by the red string of fate since in his eyes apparently my outlandish Eldritch of a gremlin self is interesting and he loves interesting things. Also he rambles with the finger point and everything especially when he is in his calmer less intense mode.

Pop-culture deity/Entity aspects: Prosperity, devotion, and enlightment. Other attributes: order, willpower, domination, charisma, communication, madness, Atonement

He loves sunflowers, Marigolds, ginkgo and Chinese Fan palm leaves, marigolds, Daffodils and citrine crystals . Very solar oriented.

his animals (not pokemon) are Goldfinchs and Monarch butterflies

Color: Yellows/Gold. White, bright blue , deep reds, purple and emerald green.

Major arcana tarot card: The Chariot(main one)(reversed when he go crazy mode), the Sun and the Fool. He is kinda literal at times when it comes to tarot readings especially with the major arcana.

His minor arcana is : King of wands and knight of wands (crazy cosplay mode)considering how vastly different he acts between his merchant persona(more Earthy influencing his normal fire+Air element. ) and his Crazy Sinnoh cosplay mode(Fire to the extreme with some water)

any depections of his in-game team (Especially the togepi line he loves that to bits) and Giratina(especially for me since In a past life I was Giratina who allied with him) or Arceus iconography. Artwork of him(yes he is kinda prideful so more artwork of him the better lol), mythology and ancient history books or any books really that catches his eye so you just have to do trial and error to see what he likes (which ofc I have too many of those lying around so he tends to sneak some off the shelf.) , (he gave me a togepi which is now a big ass togekiss pop culture entity due to wanting to cheer me up and give me bliss and happiness in my life along with a bouquet of Pink Stargazer lilies and white roses which he got for me when he was consulting Lady Aphrodite to learn to "pitch woo" in Papa Morpheus's words)

Also he likes more healthy options of food like granola and trail mix, more for outdoorsy types like soups with tons of vegetables as well but he does indulge in alfredo noodles idk he doesn't eat much but Papa Morpheus makes sure he is well fed(since he adopted Volo as practically his "son in law" now). But he does have quite the sweet tooth

SINCE HE IS A MURDERIUS MERCHANT DORK HE LIKES TO RAMBLE AND INFORMATION DUMP SO GOOD FOR PAST LIVES AND SUCH. He talks through music and pictures (mostly on pinterest I have long ass conversations with him,Sometimes you have to think and analyze the symbols he throws out but alot of the time he rambles on about topics he likes and is quite literal during tarot readings) he will fill your brain and do his finger point. He doesnt like heavy metal in his merchant mode but is curious abouy others types but when he psycho crazy man heavy metal and church music but with darkness you know.

He is very good at banishing but you have to be specific on what people or else innocents will get in the crossfire due to his volatile temperament. Also unless you want certain doom don't mention a person you care about wanting to meet arceus or that they have all the plates in front of him. It doesn't end well for anyone mentally and spiritually if you don't have good protections. Ie good communication is key with Volo. I just talk to him alot since we both love rambling about things we like lol

Also more about Irl me lol^^^^^

My team if i was a trainer irl

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beatsboy · 4 months ago

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7.28.24 / day 35 of romanticizing my life until i love myself again

it’s almost 2am, i woke up about an hour ago from a 5 hour “nap” after going to a queer day market to support my friend selling their art, and it was really cute and i was honestly super social as i have not had that much social interaction lately (getting used to living alone and having to actively go out and seek social interaction has changed my capacity when i do have it so much, like crazy not feeling drained every time i leave the house because i’ve already been like 5 people’s father/therapist/cleaner/etc before getting to the place i’m going to be supportive/present for someone else) but god damn it was so f u c k i n g hot and tbh i’m very proud of myself for making it as long as i did i only made it thanks to the ice cream vender who put my ice pack necklace (shoutout to my mom who has these for menopause and told me about them) in her cooler so it could get cold again and the lemonade vender who gave me a giant cup of ice to hold against various parts of my body to stay cool af and i got to talk about the music video, and future music videos, the more we talk about this stuff, the more motivated i feel to work on music i want to get to the part where i get to be the thing i’ve been building mostly in my brain for so long

originally, we were going for summer release, and then everything got all fucked up with my roommate situation and moving but i think it was meant to happen this way; this project is better suited for the fall, regardless, and clearly brat has taken over this summer in terms of music, on all levels, especially in the hyperpop scene there are still brat parties going on in la, smaller artists are still reaping the benefits of this album (though not getting much credit, as per usual) love seeing the dare dj a petal supply remix of a brat song and getting all the credit, it’s fine we can continue letting cis white dudes get the credit for queer artists, it’s fine i was literally at a brat market today, where everyone had brat merchandise it’s hard for any other music to break through the brat noise in pop/hyperpop right now, not to mention, boypop is kind of fucking freaky, so i do think sept/oct release would be good for the theme

i rewatch the assembly of the first minute or so of footage and literally cannot believe that that is me these are the movements i practice in the shower, in the corner, in my room, when no one’s looking, movements, expressions, i rarely actually see and the thing is, when i do see, i often shrink from them when i tried to practice performing like this in front of a mirror, i always lost it, the authenticity of it, the commitment, giving fully into the performance, the character, the self that’s the only way, in my opinion, to perform, because any level of restraint pulls you back to reality, that i am just a human, an insecure boy, going through puberty for the second time in his life of 27 years, afraid that he hasn’t done enough in his short time on this earth and wishes he’d taken a life-altering journey to a faraway planet where pop music was the harbinger of liberation instead of a stint in rehab and a coke addiction

anyway, market was fun, although so so hot, and after not going out all weekend, especially after thinking i was going to go to the rave on friday night and not, i really needed some socialization, with friends, and new people, and really needed some real time spent out of my apartment i got a really cute trucker hat that says “gay son” that i’m obsessed with and a really beautiful zine made by a trans guy about his gender journey (originally to raise money for his top surgery, which he had evidently already had, as he was standing there, fearlessly, with his shirt off) i honestly didn’t want to spend another $10 (i literally still have to make my rent in the next 3 days but telling myself i got this) but i think i just feel this intense awe when i see other trans guys post op shirtless, so free in a way i cannot imagine being so, naturally, i was blinded and overcome with this feeling, so i paid the $10 for the zine, and of course i do not regret it at all another vender had a kitten cafe with two 2 week old kittens inside (pictured) because they were too young to be left alone and while i was worried about them and the heat, they were quite cute

after being at the market for over 4 hours, af and i came back to my place, where i made us greek wraps with ground turkey and homemade tzatziki and cucumbers after we walked to h mart to get fresh tortillas i showed them the latest version of “boypop” which is so close i can taste the final mix (and am a bit mad i didn’t work on it today, but it’s fine, i was exhausted) they noticed the automation, the changes i’ve been making, i feel like i’ve actually been moving forward in my work this past week instead of just hyperfixating and going in circles, which is a danger i face in the finishing phase it’s hard to let go of a project, to let it be done i still listen to “king” and think of different harmonies i could record now with my current voice and i can sing whatever i want live, but the recording is done, the mix is done, there are no more changes to be made

i think, in the same way that i love people for their potential, and not always for who they are right now, i see a song as it’s potential, which is why i can imagine so much more than what is actually in front of me, and translate that symphony in my head into the daw, and i also why it’s so hard to let go, to stop, to step away from the infinity of changes and evolutions each project could still face sometimes it feels like i could just work on something forever and as i learn new things it will keep getting better and better, but at some point, i just have to let go

when i was a kid, my dad told me that an artist’s first album is always the best because it’s the cumulation of only their best works at the time, but then they just have to keep creating and they slowly get worse and worse i don’t know why i let this stick with me, more insidious influence from my father on a career i hadn’t even chosen when i knew him, it was just some dumb musing from a middle-aged man making himself feel smart by making a comment about maroon fucking 5

his birthday was 2 weeks ago i wonder if it makes him sad, on his birthday, at the age of 66, knowing he’s grown to be the kind of man who would offer back his relationship to his child, who has grown to hate him more than he hates himself, at a price, who has grown to be a man who can put a price tag on anything, even his love and support knowing he is one of the only people left in this planet, soon including even TSA agents and the DMV, to call me that name to wonder if i will ever come back, if i will ever call, if i will ever reach out, if i will ever show up and say i’m sorry dad you were right all along i got off the path and i sold my body and i want to go back to my normal life with a check for $5000, crying, and return to his control (i won’t) he tells my brother that it’s on me, ball’s in my court, if i want to come back that’s all i have to do, say sorry and pay the fine my terms have always been more simple, which i have communicated let’s talk, with a therapist present you two (parents) schedule (since they have crazy schedules) and i will be flexible (even though i too have crazy schedule) “he said he’s willing” my mother claimed, but it never came to fruition, of course not i blocked his number at first, i had to he wouldn’t stop calling, threatening me, telling me i’d made my mother sick with my behavior (becoming financially independent after realizing i was being financially/emotionally abused) i responded to his emails for a while, but they got worse, so i stopped then, his dad died, and i unblocked him just to call and give my condolences i left him unblocked after that. he could have called any time he wanted, but he didn’t i would know if he’d even tried

i wonder if my dad, too, ever sat alone in his first solo apartment journaling about his thoughts and reflecting on the ways his actions impacted other people mostly i hope not, because i don’t want to know if he did good things before he went bad, i want his fate to feel impossible for me to come to i already know that he read the tao te ching and the four agreements, things i’ve read as a young adult, that have brought me peace, that have taught me ways to move through the world, that don’t make sense when i think of him, and it makes me uneasy i don’t want to envision him being a morally good person and suddenly turning it makes me fear that i could still face the turn, when i want to believe that i have avoided it, that i am not capable of becoming a man like That

but, in truth, we are all capable of becoming like that, of selling out to some idea worse than what we believe in because it’s easy, because what we’re doing now is hard, because the rat race is tiring on the ground because our bodies are tired because maybe our fathers were right and the world’s a hard place and maybe i won’t because i know he wasn’t right, he never was, he was a professional bully who practiced on his wife and children but it is in every decision we make, daily, hourly, minute by minute, that determines who we are, and in ever decision, we can make the turn, we can cave and be cruel, we can give in and take the easy route, knowing that each of those decisions pulls us closer to That which we fear becoming the evil you fear lies as much in buying all your furniture on amazon as it does saying something cruel to someone who doesn’t deserve it just because you’ve had a stressful morning as much as the goodness you chase lives in being friendly to the coffee employee who’s taking forever on your drink when you’re late because it’s not their fault and their morning is just as important as yours as much as it lives in buying from local artists every decision determines how you move through the world, connecting each step and choice like a river, that is where you find where you’ll end up, which ocean you end up submerged in, which fish you will find yourself swimming into the dark night with and i crave free, calm waters for when i my end

#7.29.24 #day 35 #everything is romantic #deardiary #online diary #photo journal #online journal

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