#But it's also kinda funny to imagine this creature just... Splitting into a handful of Dingles from stress lol

[jellobubblelol]

been thinking about itemLabel lore again, as one does, and I have a somewhat shitpost-y headcanon about Forsaken Dinkle

So, y'know how Dinkle has/had a whole music career n everything and is pretty much a burnt-out child star (or at least implied to be through the Dingle's Theme)? I feel like Forsaken Dinkle would be the same, but their current music is moreso a way for them to cope with their own issues and to vent.

What I'm saying is Forsaken Dinkle would be like if you fused Dinkle with Chonny Jash. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[earthbovndmisfit]

EEEE THAT DRAWING OF JONATHAN WITH A BUNCH OF MINI SPEEDWAGONS 😭 Imagine if like, he was hit by a stand that split him apart into multiple miniature copies and each mini-wagon exaggerates one aspect of his personality, so there's the dramatic one, the brave one, the scaredy one, the aggressive one, the loyal one, the affectionate one, and so on 😂

((in reference to this post))

I'm digging this so much OMG.

The dramatic one.... every single thing he does Has To Be Overly Dramatic and for some reason that would be very funny (to me, at least xd). He's also very loud.

The brave and fearless would be all over the top, too. Way too reckless, too. Definitely the "what are you gonna do? STAB ME???" kind of little guy. He's often climbing on top of things he shouldn't be climbed and so on. Similar to a cat, basically, lol

There's also the one that keeps stealing stuff and causing mischief. Always keep an eye on him!

Can't really say I see a "scaredy" Speeb, at least not in the sense part of the fandom mistakenly assumes, since the instances where we see og Speedwagon scared is when there are actual and massive threats (which is basically something everyone shows at some point, including human Dio when he faced the drunkard-turned-vampire, ie.). Add to that that Speedwagon is a regular human fighting actual supernatural and bloodthirsty creatures using only his wits and insane brute force, and that kinda shows that what some people consider a "scaredy" side is not precisely "scaredy" at all. In this sense, I think he'd have a "scaredy" side like pretty much every other JJBA character would but, even in this exaggerated form, it would be far from the "crybaby, soft, scared shitless boy uwu" the fandom sometimes wrongly pin on og Speebs, and would most likely only be triggered by supernatural threats, if that makes sense??

The aggressive one is probably more on the "Ogre Street" side, feral and basically a bit of a glimpse to what his enemies in Ogre Street saw when they faced him, or during one of those "not-so-voluntary interrogatories" that his gang may or may not subject their rivals/enemies to when they need a little information. I keep imagining this mini Speeb threatening others with anything and everything he can use as a weapon (though he himself has a tiny knife and other weapons on him at all times), and this probably includes Jonathan to an extent. I think Jona would find that amusing in a way, because it's like a small throwback to their first encounter in some way. Much less threatening this time too since, despite cheeb Speeb being aggressive, his aggressiveness never reaches dangerous levels towards Jonathan (plus, smol Speeb is...well, small lol), so smol Speeb probably just keeps biting Jojo every chance he gets. Sometimes hard enough to draw an "Ow!" from Jona every now and then, but never hard enough to draw blood or cause actual harm.

On the other hand, affectionate Speebs is always by Jonathan's side (or at least as much as he possibly can), nuzzling him, cuddling with him, offering encouraging words every time Jonathan needs them, playing with Jojo's hair, helping him around with anything and everything, bringing him small gifts and things he thinks Jojo might like, and just... basically letting Jonathan know how much he loves him all the time. Considering how deprived of affection Jonathan has been for the past 7 years in PB's timeline, I'd say he'd greatly appreciate all this.

The loyal one is similar overall to the affectionate, with the difference that he focuses more on throwing hands and defending Jonathan if he has to. So I guess it would be safe to think he'd be a bit of a mix between affectionate Speeb and his fearless side, as he doesn't mind putting his life on the line to ensure the safety and wellbeing of his Jojo. All with a pinch of Aggressive!Speeb whenever is needed, of course!

[ary-se]

Mankai with a roach

some of these are based on irl experiences so i hope y'all enjoy reading this as much as i did writing it LMAO no braincells were involved in doing this i am so sorry.. also tagging @tsum-uwu-gi for some of the totally whack ideas, tysm 🥰

🐪 the mankai dorm never really experienced having a roach flying all over the place that much, and even if it did, they're immediately dealt with by the moms of the dorm

🐪 that was mostly the case until that one specific day arrived, when the reliable people were gone for different reasons. tsuzuru was in his part-time job, omi was getting groceries, tasuku was a guest actor for another troupe, and no one knows what in the world sakyo was up to

🐪 anyways the first one to notice was azuma, he walked in the bathroom probably to take a dump or something - who knows really lol - when he found himself staring at a roach that was literally on the toilet.

🐪 azuma literally has no idea how or when it got there, but the fact remains that there is no freaking way he is going to use the toilet unless he wants a death sentence. the logical choice was to close the toilet and flush it, but at that moment he kinda lost his shit, both literally and figuratively, and so all he did was act composed as he quickly left the bathroom

🐪 "azu-nee, why do you look so pale?" yuki asked him out of curiosity in the dining room, but azuma is hella smooth so he just laughs it off and acts as if he totally wasn't horrified at all, "it's nothing, you're probably imagining things."

🐪 after that incident, nothing happens for at least an hour. unfortunately, a roach doesn't simply disappear just because you want them to, which was why azuma's efforts of not letting the roach escape from the bathroom were in vain...

🐪 for some apparent reason taichi sometimes has this tendency of holding his own pee before he sprints to the toilet and just bursts in there, so when he ran to the bathroom and immediately let out an ungodly screech, it's all fucking over

🐪 did taichi piss himself? who the hell freaking knows. if he did, mankai would normally either laugh or feel bad for him or both, but at that moment nobody cared about that. what actually mattered was that taichi left the fucking door open so the moment he screamed, the roach already started flying EVERYWHERE

🐪 the one who was nearby the bathroom that time was kazunari. even if kazunari acts like he is scared of roaches, he actually isn't and he is capable of killing a roach in sight. would he help taichi, who has his fly almost open, by killing the roach and call it a day?

🐪 the answer is hell no. killing it doesn't even cross his mind. kazunari thinks this is really hilarious, and if he finds something funny he doesn't do anything to solve the problem. kazunari would basically make things worse by going live on his instablam to record what is happening. in this case, it is all about the unwanted creature and where in the actual world it is gonna land

🐪 gladly, kazu's sanity is still intact that he didn't include taichi in his live for the first few minutes. if kazu did, taichi better say bye bye to his remaining dignity and write his last will so he can finally dig his own grave. people will forever know him as the ugly sobbing, screaming dude in the bathroom with his fly open, and that is honestly the last thing taichi wants to be known for

🐪 sakuya goes to where the chaos is, poor boy was legitimately confused as to why two people are yelling and laughing at the same time. it is normal in mankai but every time it happens, somewhing whack is happening. unfortunately for sakuya, he was completely unaware of the roach flying behind him

🐪 "hi kazunari!" sakuya greets, and the roach lands on the sleeve of his hoodie. sakuya is a pure little bean, he is ALWAYS a pure bean but if kazu was being honest, the current image of sakuya smiling widely while a roach is chilling on his sleeve was really unnerving in its own way

🐪 kazu started to laugh so hard that he is physically unable to explain to sakuya what was happening, and he felt so bad about it. sadly, kazu doesn't have the capability to stop laughing by force, does he? because of the lack of explanation, it took sakuya approximately 7 seconds of obliviousness before he notices

🐪 tenma arrived right after that, and the roach flies off sakuya's hoodie after he jumps from surprise. high and mighty carrot boy is now in for a storm cause the moment he appeared, the roach lands on top of tenma's freaking head out of all places

🐪 "hey guys, what's happening?"

🐪 "there's a flying roach. and it is now on your head." kazunari deadpans. he always tricked tenma when it comes to these kinds of things, but he is serious this time

🐪 tenma literally HUFFS as if he doesn't believe kazunari in the slightest, and tbh you can't blame him cause summer troupe gave him trust issues from their pranks. sorry mister. unlike their old pranks, it is actually real right now... kazu ain't joking, please believe him now

🐪 tenma shrugs and places a hand on his head nonchalantly to ~prove his point~, "you won't fool me again-" he froze the moment he actually felt something moist moving under his hand

🐪 at that moment tenma screamed one hundred fucking times louder than the entire mankai company could, the entire neighborhood would learn their lesson to bring earplugs wherever they go cause his screams are literally ear-splitting

🐪 tenma should say goodbye to his reputation as a k00L b0y 4ct0R😎 that he has maintained for so long cause a lot of people are already watching the live. also rip to the people who were using earphones... at least you have witnessed tenma's most unglorious moment on public. from that moment he is already and permanently a meme and there is no going back

🐪 "STOP SCREAMING HACK!!" yuki yells at him with all of his might, but it was super inaudible because his scream still reigns. the roach lands on the wall, so yuki grabs whatever was on the table. it was banri's fashion magazine, which is fucking useless by the way, because he still can't dress himself up no matter how many fashion magazines he purchases. good job yuki for using it as a sacrifice

🐪 yuki rolled the magazine and repeatedly whacked it to the wall out of pure annoyance so he can kill the roach. in all honesty, the roach would've been dead by now from yuki's wrath, but curse his height cause he can't reach the freaking roach no matter how hard he tried. sorry yuki, your courage and bravery were all in vain

🐪 amidst all the chaos, nobody freaking noticed muku, who was deadass in the living room the whole time. question is, how is muku not aware of what was happening? how did he manage not to hear taichi's and even the mighty tenma's screams? the answer is simple. HE WAS TOO ENGROSSED IN HIS SHOUJO MANGA.

🐪 when yuki was about to finally hit the roach, it flew to the cover of muku's shoujo freaking manga. for an unknown reason, muku doesn't even flinch. HE JUST KEPT ON READING. muku, everyone adores you especially with your love for romance but the kissing scene isn't important right now, PLEASE STOP READING THIS INSTANT

🐪 everyone literally went silent, nobody had the heart to tell muku. they just watched the roach crawl slowly to muku's fingers in suspense. after what seemed like forever, muku closed his book while giggling, but that didn't last forever cause he saw the roach and in a split second he dropped his book without any hesitation

🐪 muku got so freaked out they all felt sorry to the poor boy. he just stared at the shoujo manga that is now on the floor, endlessly mumbling about having to buy a new one because the roach already cursed his book and he will become unlucky and he might pass on the curse to everybody else and they will fail all their upcoming shows and---

🐪 anyways. the roach lands on citron's palms, and citron... surprisingly doesn't freak out. he doesn't care. actually, CITRON'S HAPPY??? he just looks at the roach in fascination and if it were any other creature it would look so adorable. but no, it had to be a ROACH and it's absolutely whack and disgusting. please remember that it is the same roach that came from the freaking toilet. citron, please wash your hands RIGHT NOW.

🐪 "CITRON KILL IT!!"

🐪 "NO, NO! POOR COACH!" citron shakes his head, reluctant to kill it. he kept the roach in his hands so nobody would be able to kill it... he was oddly protective of it and NOBODY KNOWS WHY. THEY ALL DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHY EITHER. citron please stop, what you're doing is making everything way worse. let go of that roach this instant and be hygienic just PLEASE oh my god

🐪 everybody already lost hope on trying to kill the roach, citron and his questionable logic is beyond their comprehension. but they refuse to waste their time fighting him about it because it will fly everywhere and no one wants that... lucky for them, tsuzuru finally arrives the dorms. HE IS EVERYONE'S SALVATION! SOMEONE WHO CAN FINALLY KILL THE ROACH! FREAKING FINALLY,,

🐪 yeah no, nevermind that. tsuzuru was so fucking tired from his part-time job that he just collapses right after he closed the door. please let the poor man sleep, don't even bother on trying to wake him up to kill the roach cause there's no way he is gonna wake up any time soon. cut him some slack. they felt bad for him but it happens way too often so they just left him on the doorway and that's it.

🐪 a few minutes after tsuzuru passed out, banri got back from no one knows where, probably shopping for more animal print clothes... who the hell knows. unlike the others, banri already knew what was happening without asking cause he has been watching kazu's live for like ten minutes already. if he was being honest, the whole thing was making him lose his shit so he tried to go back to the dorms asap to not miss out on anything good

🐪 coincidentally, juza also left their room from his long ass nap to see wtf was happening cause they were being hella noisy. after some explaining, when juza already fully figured out what was going on, he was aboutta kill it, ACTUALLY KILL IT, when banri stopped him. "you get out of this. i am the one killing it."

🐪 "get your own roach for you to kill, settsu"

🐪 curse their competitive asses cause it has reached to the point where they're already starting to beat each other up to death. the goal here is to kill the roach, not each other you dumbasses, get your brains straight please that's not helping anything don't be stupid for once

🐪 the roach flew from citron's hands and everybody screeched but finally, FINALLY AN ADULT walks in. tsumugi went in the dorm from the garden with a bottle of pesticide in his hand. once everybody noticed what he was holding, they were all getting panicky so they angrily screamed at him to spray it to the roach, it was too chaotic

🐪 tsumugi was so confused??? why was everybody angry at him?? what did he do to deserve this?? he doesn't actually think his pesticide works on roaches, but it was probably better if he stays silent about it since everyone will not listen and would force him to spray it on the roach anyways, what's the point

🐪 and so he did. at first, the roach stopped moving, so they assumed it was already dead. tsumugi then sprayed a lot more to make sure it actually was dead and everybody collectively sighed in relief. finally the fiasco is over. everyome can go back to their normal lives before this fucking happened

🐪 or not. the ROACH DEADASS FLEW AGAIN AND THEY ALL PANICKED. funny enough tsumugi calmly explained amidst all that, and it turns out tsumugi's pesticide was weak, and to top it all off it was water-based so it had no freaking effect on the roach whatsoever. too bad, so much for everybody getting false hope, huh. they wanna blame tsumugi for not saying anything before spraying but it is also their fault for getting worked up so whatever

🐪 itaru arrives from work, and one quick glance on what everyone was yelling about tells him that he refuses to participate in this crap. give him a freaking break please. he was dealing with work and you're telling him that he has to put up with this, too? hell fuckin no. he manages to quickly escape to his room to catch up on his games and it is a good thing that no one really noticed. they're too busy screeching every time the roach just flies outta nowhere.

🐪 masumi was deadass watching them from the sidelines. he could tell them to open the windows and just wait for the roach to fly outside so they can get it over with and call it a day. what a joke though, masumi giving helpful tips so everyone can calm down? yeah right haha no. he doesn't want to waste his energy on doing that even if their noise was actually getting into his nerves, so the whole duration he stays silent while he watches them lose their shit

🐪 this is one of the moments where they all legitimately wished misumi was here right now. him blabbing about triangles every second made them think that the roach kind of looks like a triangle when its wings are out. misumi what did you do to them to make them think this way?? did you make them do the triangle calisthenics or cathletics or whatever the heck that is??

🐪 knowing misumi, he can catch the roach in a matter of seconds. so where in the world is misumi? he is out again for his daily triangle hunting, obviously. come back, misumi... literally everything would be over in a flash if misumi decided to stay in the dorms today

🐪 despite this, for some apparent reason homare manages to find inspiration in all this. look, mister. the dorm is a fucking chaos. actual chaos. kazunari is somehow still live on instablam, wheezing so hard like he is gonna die any second now. the scene is literally just teenage boys screaming and running all over the place. two of said teenage boys are beating each other up... and one (1), ONE roach flies on top of everything, still fucking alive. EXACTLY WHAT PART OF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL INSPIRED HUH HOMARE!!! SPEAK UP!!!

🐪 the noise levels of mankai dorm is practically a headache at this point, if sakyo was here his boomer brain would be having a migraine that would be worth a week of pure pain and agony. for some reason, hisoka, who is on the sofa in the living room, literally in the MIDDLE OF THE CHAOS, just sleeps through it all.

🐪 how does he do that? just what kind of marshmallows does he eat?? do they permanently damage a person's hearing?? no matter how many times they woke hisoka up, he doesn't budge. what the actual fuck. and tsuzuru is still sleeping in the freaking doorway. at this point they could cuddle each other for all they want until they fucking die cause no amount of noise is gonna wake them up from their eternal slumber

🐪 after what seemed like forever, sakyo arrived and everybody immediately went silent. they stopped what they were doing except kazu, who was either incredibly stupid or incredibly brave, nobody wants to answer that right now. he is still live on instablam. even the live chat went silent.

🐪 sakyo still doesn't know what was happening but he knows it is BAD news, so he glared right at kazunari's camera and the last moments before the live ended was sakyo angrily stomping his way to kazunari and the screen blacked out

🐪 after learning that everything was only caused by a roach, sakyo got so mad that he managed to snatch a flip flop out of nowhere and killed the roach until it was completely crushed. it was safe to say everybody felt bad to the roach despite being the cause of everything. by the way, whose flip flop was that? nobody knows.

🐪 tasuku, misumi and omi arrived in the dorms while sakyo was lecturing everyone, and they still got dragged in without knowing what in the world happened. please pray for these poor souls they have to deal with his yelling without even being a part of it.

🐪 omi just bought groceries for dinner, he didn't waste his time to do that just to have no dinner tonight oh my god please give this man a break from everyone's bullcrap. tasuku's role in the other company's play was some random teen whose parents were mad at him for doing shit. he doesn't have to deal with sakyo actually getting mad too please let this man live in peace. and misumi? he isn't happy that he got dragged in, too. this is not very sankaku of you, sakyo

🐪 "MIYOSHI, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RECORD THE WHOLE THING? YOU'RE RUINING THE COMPANY'S IMAGE. ALSO THE BOTH OF YOU FIGHTING YADDA YADDA YADDA"

🐪 the lecture lasted for 5 hours and nobody ate dinner that night. everybody was so tired after that. nobody was allowed to speak and if someone mutters, sakyo will yell at them next. can sakyo still lecture you for another 5 hours even after that long ass session? unfortunately yes.

🐪 everybody was banned from eating meals the next day. the resident moms reached an agreement that at least one of them always stays in the mankai dorm so this never EVER happens again. once is enough, they do not need another fiasco like this one.

🐪 oh and was it mentioned that kazunari doesn't have a phone for a solid month? cause that happened, sakyo banned him. you bet he managed to live a phoneless life by logging on his social media platforms on other people's phones without sakyo knowing,, not really the definition of "phoneless" if you ask him..

[regicidal-defenestration]

Please tell me more about the mechsworld (discanisms?) Fic ideas

GLADLY

Under a readmore because it got ~long~ fdhfd

So this is split into three parts because unfortunately that’s the kind of person I am dfjghgj

Mechs + Death

According to Ao3’s word count, I have exactly 7306 thoughts on what would happen if the Mechanisms met Death (you know. The skeleton)

Because the thing is, Death (capital D) understands death (lower case d) perfectly well. He understands the process of life ending, he understands you go one way and only one way. After all, he’s got plenty of experience.

But! All of a sudden you’ve got this crew of eight people who definitely don’t stay dead like they should, plus the Toy Soldier, who’s a different deal entirely jdfghj

Now this doesn’t lead on to my next point really, but I’m moving on anway!

Death is a creature of belief, and so doesn’t obey the laws of physics as regular people. My favourite example of this is the Poker, which goes right through him, but does hit Teatime. Who else do we know that is powered by Belief (well. Narrative reasons (well. nanobots (well. Whatever fits best at the time)))

The Mechs!

All of them (Mechs and skeleton both) are powered by the story, and that is an incredibly interesting alley to explore

Also it’s fun to write situations where Death is inconvenienced .

Must there be “plot”? Is it not enough to imagine the Luggage, running full pelt towards you, the Toy Soldier riding on it’s back?

As the title kinda suggests, I have a bunch of ideas that aren’t full plots (and will likely never be because sometimes ideas just stay Ideas) but are fun to imagine

Ashes O’Reilly and Moist von Lipwig. If ever they started working together, basically you’d be fucked sdfgjhjk

They’d be terrifying at swindling, quite frankly, and if you compare their ability at maths and the like to that of the average Anhk-Morporkian well- it’s hardly a challenge at all

Of course, Ashes may well just take over the Post Office like they did the Acheron and all power to them!

Captain Carrot Ironfoundersson and Jonny d’Ville!

Jonny is the absolute opposite of Carrot in every conceivable way. Carrot wouldn’t hesitate to put him in jail as soon as he physically could and if Jonny thought it’d be funny to cause more problems inside rather than outside of jail he’d let himself be captured. They would not get along

Except

Except if they dealt with children

Carrot “organised the most deadly gangs of kids on the streets and got the to play football without fatalities” Ironfoundersson and Jonny “read to kids in a hospital (and only shot the annpying ones!)” d’Ville would find a grugding sort of respect there

Carrot would be explaining the rules of some game, and the kids would listen because it’s Carrot and you can’t not (and also stood behind him is Jonny and more accurately Jonny’s gun)

Speaking Susan Sto Helit into existence because I love her

Idk she meets the Toy Soldier in Biers

TBI (Discworld Flavour)

So this is much more involved than everything mentioned previously, where I just took characters and moved them around as needed. This is something I very much want to write, and am in the process of planning and, more specifically, finding explanations for a few Fairly Large Plot Points that at the moment I’m kinda hand waving away dfhghjk

TBI (Discworld Flavour) is basically me thinking “hey. What if I rewrote TBI but set it on the Disc, and went from there”

Inspector Second Class Lyfrassir Edda doesn’t exist as a single character (apologies to the Lyf fans who’ve read this far fdghjk). Instead, I think it’d work to split their role across a range of characters, namely Vetinari (and a newspaper) for the narration parts, and the City Watch (specifically Sam Vimes, Fred Colon and Nobby Nobbs) for dealing with Raphaella, Marius and Ivy in prison (those three remain unchanged, because the other three, Vimes especially, would have one hell of a time trying to deal with them)

Odin is a wizard (because, with all respect to Sir Terry Practchett, this is My Town now and wizardry and witchcraft aren’t gender specific (which he did get at, in Equal Rites, but over 41 books there wasn’t much deviation from Male Wizard Female Witch (also non-binary people exist!)). Also Many more people aren’t straight). She’s head of a project to run a train from Anhk-Morpork to the Hub in three hours rather than three days. Naturally, this involves lots of magic, and this magic attracts the attention of Things from the Dungeon Dimensions (which, like Yog-Sothoth are heavily inspired by the whole eldritch Lovecraft stuff, so that all fits nicely) Another thing that fits nicely is the fact that they can “infect” wizards (hence Odin), and also they really Cannot survive long in this world, whch gives a nice way to end this thing

No Asgard, so instead the passengers on the train are the staff of the Unseen University (yes, even the Librarian) Of course, they won’t die in this one, but the Bursar has a gloopy Thing land on his face after the Lecturer in Recent Runes booted it across the traincar so not much difference (/j) dfhfd

Loki, Thor, Sigyn and possibly Kvasir (though they also may not exist as a character, and instead be a name for the engine) are all UU students (hence why the passengers don’t care for them)  They are the ones that Do Things, and likely study in the High Energy Magic building, so are actually qualified to deal with this sort of shit

Then: shit happens! Odin dies, Loki Thor Sigyn die and meet Death and have some sort of ConversationTM about the power of stories. It’s all very touching

Obviously, the Disc doesn’t get destroyed - the Things get driven back. Ivy, Marius and Raphaells do still escape, of course, and, in the immortal words of everyone’s favourite human(?) Nobby, Mr Vimes goes spare

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

“What was the thought process?!”

“I don’t know any more than you do, Shaw!  The Quiet Council put this mission together!”  Somehow, even when they should have been commiserating, Sebastian managed to make his complaints sound like accusations. Well, absolutely no damn part of this was Pyro’s fault.

“Of course, that pack of simpletons can’t be bothered to do things properly.  It wouldn’t matter if it was just you, but I will not be treated like a cheap lackey.”  

“Will you kindly shut the fuck up for five minutes, Shaw?”  Pyro demanded, looking at the map.  Sebastian, for all his complaints, had not deigned to take charge of it since they’d come through the gate 30 minutes ago.  “There’s the mountain.  Our contact should be somewhere around here.”

The mountain loomed dark and ominous over the grassland, with an actual black cloud obscuring its peak, like something out of a cartoon.  There was obviously something nasty up there that needed to be dealt with.  Strange dark tendrils curled down the rocky cliffs, and there were reports of eerie wailing at night.  It wouldn’t be Krakoa’s problem, except there was a mutant living nearby who refused to relocate to the safety of the island.  So they either had to deal with the problem, or convince the mutant to move out of harm’s way.

Except the mutant in question was nowhere to be found.  Just peaceful grassland as far as the eye could see, with the mountain swelling up from the landscape like an ugly blackhead.  Off in the distance, Pyro could see a group of horses grazing contentedly.  

“Our contact couldn’t be bothered to meet us at the gate.  We should have just turned around and gone home.  I don’t know why Krakoa should lift a finger for a mutant that refuses to come to us.  He chooses to remain on the outside, he should accept the responsibilities of – “

“Hey, fellas!”  A shout interrupted Shaw’s rant.

Striding up to them was the most heart-breakingly beautiful young man that Pyro had ever seen. White-blond hair, perfectly formed features, and obvious muscles bulging under his flannel shirt, he looked like he’d strode right off the cover of one of Pyro’s own novels.  Usually Pyro preferred his men a little more rugged-looking, like Dominic’s wonderfully rough features, but he was suddenly fantasizing about this young man emerging from a lake in a see-through white shirt.

Oh shit, what if he was a telepath?  What if he was yet another Frost sibling?  Pyro shoved the image out of his mind, and thought very hard about a Youtube video he’d seen earlier of a penguin falling over.

“I suppose you’re the contact?”  Sebastian demanded.  He was walking right up to Eros-given-mortal-form while Pyro stood transfixed, and it was like watching an ogre charge an elf.  Pyro had to fight the urge to leap between them and drive the beast back with a flaming sword.  He ran a hand through his hair, trying to inconspicuously smooth it down.

Fucking hell, Allerdyce, get ahold of yourself.  Shaw will never let you live it down.

“That’s right,” said the cup-bearer Ganymede, who would surely be carried off by Zeus soon.  Even his voice was beautiful, his Southern accent giving his words a musical lilt.  “Sorry I wasn’t right there at that big funny-lookin’ gate, I got worried about the herd.  Whatever’s up there is bad news.  I’d check it out myself, but I don’t want to leave the horses.  Who’d take care of them if something happened to me?”

“Yes, yes, of course you have a noble reason for cowardice,” Sebastian said, waving a hand dismissively.

“And anyway, it’s our job, that’s why we’re here,” said Pyro, stepping forward.  He realized that he had put himself just slightly between Shaw and Paris of Troy.  “We’ll get it all sorted out for ya,” he added, giving the young man a friendly smack on the shoulder.

“Well, that’s a doozy of an accent, isn’t it?  Where you from, England?”  Thankfully Prince Charming had missed, or chosen to ignore Sebastian’s completely unecessary dig.

“Australia, actually,” Sebastian interjected before Pyro could speak.  “And I imagine you’ve greatly offended Allerdyce’s national pride by mixing the two up.”

“Shucks, I’m sorry – “

“Oh, no!” Pyro exclaimed. “Not at all.  Very similar accents, easy to mistake.”  

“You’re the ones who say g’day, right?  Like Crocodile Dundee!”

“Yes, exactly!” Pyro beamed. He’d started bar fights over being called Crocodile Dundee.  Or being called British.  Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him.  

“I’m Pyro, by the way, and Oscar the Grouch over there is Sebastian Shaw.  You don’t have to be nice to him.”  He shook the young man’s hand.    

“Anyway, I’m your ride,” the Adonis said,with a shy smile.  “I can get you up to the top of that mountain, lickety-split.”

“Oh, teleporter, are ya? That’s right handy,” Pyro said.

“Or he could be a speedster, let’s not jump to conclusions, Allerdyce,” Sebastian put in.

“No, it’s something a bit different than that,” said the divine creature carved from marble and bathed in Apollo’s fire.  He shifted suddenly, his torso stretching and changing in a way that reminded Pyro of Mystique.  And then there was a winged centaur standing in front of them, and Pyro wondered if he’d fallen into Narnia.  Or maybe that one book, with the kids and the Tesseract.    

“My mutant name is Eques, but you can call me Danny if you like.”  Pyro tried not to gape.  Somehow, the winged horse form had made the other mutant even more attractive, and Pyro wasn’t even into horses…but he was starting to understand the teenage girl obsession with them.  “Danny’s” clothing had disappeared as he shifted (one of the X-Men’s unstable molecule suits, no doubt), and now he was….basically naked.  Horse form meant all the important bits were hidden, but still.  Pyro pinched the inside of his wrist very hard and tried to think about cricket.

“Oh, shape-shifting,” Sebastian said, sounding mildly bored.  “I suppose that’ll do.  But surely there are more practical…and larger things that you can change into.”

“I’m afraid not,” said Danny, biting his lip and pawing with one hoof on  the ground in a way that was positively adorable.  “It’s a very specific mutation.  I can turn into this and only this.  But don’t worry, I’m strong enough to carry you both.  We can fly up.”  He flapped his wings for emphasis.  

Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“Really?  Have we crossed over into some children’s cartoon?”  

“C’mon Shaw, he’s here to help us.  Of course, you can walk up the mountain if you prefer,” Pyro said.  

“Oh no, I wouldn’t dare leave you alone with him,” Sebastian said, smirking at Pyro, who scowled back.  “Who knows what you two would get up to?  Besides, it’s better than the hike.  Marginally.  Let’s get this over with.”  

Before Pyro could protest, Sebastian had lifted him up by the shoulders and plopped him unceremoniously on Danny’s back, then climbed on behind him.  

“Sure we aren’t too heavy for ya?  I know Shaw here must weigh a ton.”  Pyro leaned in to speak in Danny’s ear, and tried not to notice how centaur’s thick, shimmering hair, radiant in the sunlight and making Pyro’s own golden locks seem like tarnished brass, smelled faintly of eucalyptus.

Should I compliment his hair?  Maybe ask what shampoo he uses, pretend like I want advice?  God damn it, St. John, snap out of it and act normal!

“Not all, fellas!”  Danny exclaimed, with a bright, guilless smile.  “I’m strong as a horse, too, this is nothing.  But you’d better hold on as I take off, wouldn’t want you to fall.”  

“Where should we, uh….” Pyro faltered.  Much as he wanted to slip his hands over Danny’s muscular chest (for safety!) he didn’t want to be a creep.  Also, if he wasn’t careful, his….interest…would start to become noticeable in the most humiliating way possible.

“Oh, anywhere’s fine, just hang onto me as best you can,” Danny drawled.  Before Pyro could lift his hands, Sebastian reached forward, wrapping his arms around the centaur’s waist and squishing Pyro between them.  

“Get off me, Shaw!”  Pyro squirmed, pressed against Danny’s back, with Shaw’s massive, unyielding bulk behind him.  God damn it, he was now dangerously close to being caught between a rock and a….hard place.

“Stop whining, Allerdyce, this is the best way to ensure we both stay on.  I certainly don’t trust you to hang on with those weak arms of yours.  We are secure, Eques.  Proceed.”

“Why’d you even take the back, then?”  Pyro demanded, but his question was answered as Danny leaped into the air, flapping violently.  The wings beat hardest around Pyro’s head, powerful back muscles twitching uncomfortably against him.  Well, at least having Sebastian Shaw’s gross, sweaty body pressed up against him, smelling faintly of fuck-you Rich People Cologne, was enough to kill his would-be boner quite dead.  Especially with Sebastian’s no-doubt obscenely hairy crotch up against his rear, with –

Wait a minute.  What was that?!

“Shaw, what the hell?” Pyro turned slightly, but Sebastian gripped Danny tighter, pushing him back forward.  The hard object pressing against his ass shifted.

“It’s my cell phone, Allerdyce, for God’s sake.  No need to jump to conclusions just because you’re all hot and bothered.”  

Pyro wondered whether it was possible to set Sebastian on fire without hurting Danny.  Just a little bit on fire.  And then if he fell, it wouldn’t be Pyro’s fault, right?

“Gosh, this is kinda fun, fellas!”  Danny yelled above the roar of the wind.  “I’m always out here with the horses, and that’s just how I like it, but it does get kinda lonely.  I don’t get to see other mutants very often.”

“Well, I’m sure you’d get a warm welcome if you ever came to join us on Krakoa,” Sebastian said.  Pyro slammed an elbow back against him, but Sebastian just gripped tighter.

“Don’t even think about it, Allerdyce,” he said in Pyro’s ear.  “I’ll take you down with me, make no mistake of that.”  

“Say, Eques,” Sebastian called up in a louder voice.  “Have you ever met Emma Frost?  Let me tell you all about her, I’m sure you’d have a great deal to…discuss.”

Pyro fumed quietly, and fantasized about Sebastian smashing into the jagged rocks below for the rest of the trip.  

(OOC: I don’t know what Eques should sound like, but I saw he was from Texas and wound up writing him like Cannonball.  Since he’s always so isolated with his horses, I could imagine him being very naïve, but also very friendly.  

Pyro is intensely thirsty, and failing to play it cool, but can you really blame him?

I have no idea what’s on top of that mountain. Let’s just assume that Pyro, Sebastian and Danny are going up to Midnight Castle to fight Tirac with the Rainbow of Light, and if you understand that reference you win a million 80’s nostalgia points.)          

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Ep 34 S4: The Boys (and Mai) are Back in Town

OK, back to the writing table! It’s been a while! So I made the mistake of like...scrolling down on the playlist when I realized...

This duel is like 6 episodes long (7 even? It’s a lot) and like...yo I have no idea if we’ll finish this season in 2020! Damn you 2020. Damn you.

But wtv, what I like about this side project of mine is that I don’t have to rush things, and I can really spend the time with each episode and just...enjoy the moment. So often I watch a whole series in like half a week and then it’s like...I don’t get to enjoy it. This series I’ve enjoyed for years now. That’s kinda neat. So...we’re gonna be slow...but lets just enjoy this weird ass anime moment together. 2020 deadlines are all fake anyway. I’m not even sure if 2020 was a real thing that happened or like...an alternate universe opening a door and letting through just so many terrible ghosts. We might never know.

Last we left off, everyone has decided to hallucinate Dartz’ terrible backstory.

Unfortunately we have NO darts in the past. Was really hoping to see at least one darts reference in this entire season, just one darts board on his wall. But alas, we will not have a Season Zero death darts match with Dartz. (Man I need to get back to Season Zero. And FMA. And a lot of things)

I feel like if I watched the original version there would have been some things different. First off...what ocean? Second off...well, we’ll get to that. There’s some things I think were changed for English TV.

Including censoring the nude people like it’s James Cameron’s Avatar.

Fun fact did you know that James Cameron’s Avatar was supposed to be ass naked and that they were supposed to have like 8 cat nipples? Yeah.

Man, that movie was a mistake. I’m so glad we all decided to collectively forget James Cameron’s Avatar.

(read more under the cut)

The actual locations of anything in Atlantis does not match up with it when it’s zoomed out. We have giant cities, we have sprawling wheat fields, and we have...THIS situation. This active volcano next to...pine trees?

I feel like they wanted it to feel vaguely Pompeii, since I know people like to put Atlantis in the Mediterranean. Maybe? Maybe that’s what they were going for here?

One of my top ten favorite Yugioh plot twists ever was finding out this episode that this snake who has no limbs somehow created these...rocks...that all of our main characters have been wearing and obsessing over this entire time.

And so this is my theory, this is the thesis of my Yugioh college paper. These rocks are turds. There’s no way these rocks aren’t turds. There’s no way this snake didn’t poop out a bunch of glowy magic stones and then stuff them into a volcano.

THE ROCKS WERE TURDS THE WHOLE TIME.

God bless, Yugioh.

Seto spends this entire episode groveling that he isn’t playing cards that will absolutely kill him. Like Mokuba, Seto isn’t happy until he’s cheating death.

(I really wish we got more super past future tech. I love that type of concept art. Instead, we just got a lot of flying boats--the same boat that I think the team flew on in S1 when they went to Seto’s video game universe.

So those boats are 10,000 years old? They existed in the 10,000 year old Pangea, huh?

Neat.)

Anyway, lets take a gander at Princess Zelda circa Ocarina of Time.

SUPER princess Zelda, and I know it’s not 1:1 but damn it feels so much like a late 90′s Princess Zelda outfit to me. Check out that PURPLE. That low poly circlet. The random ass sword. The thick ass belt. 

Also check out this super dead family.

Yo so this is a 00′s thing, a period of time where we liked to tell stories like LOST, with just a bunch of random ass plot twists in flashbacks instead of just...telling a story from start to finish. And can be a great and fun way to do it--but at the sacrifice of actually making me care about these characters while they were still alive.

Like I would have maybe cared about Chris and Ironheart dying if I had known that Dartz was killing his whole family? With...lightning strikes? But alas, these dumbasses decided NOT to tell us they were royal. It’s so strange both from a logical perspective and a storytelling perspective.

Man...missed opportunity, IMO, but I can see why they did it. The wanted the ‘Gotcha!’ I feel ambivalent about it, honestly.

And who am I kidding, people are still doing unpredictable plot twists this. It’s a way to tell a story. Is it the most impactful way? No. It’s...it’s a gotcha!

It’s at this point in the story that things start ramping up, but it’s not clear if it takes place over years or just a couple hours. People just start going a little cray and turning into Monsters.

Straight up, though--did they turn into monsters that already existed and are modern Duel Monster cards, or are the monsters from modern Duel Monsters cards actually descendants of Atlantis who were once human?

They don’t say, actually. Maybe...maybe every card was a human once. That would be a freakin weird Yugioh twist if Kuriboh was like a 45 year old dude.

PS Dartz was married...soak that in.

ROMANCE ON YUGIOH ALERT.

Love it every time. She was there for like...half a second, and Dartz was like throwing so much shade about how “only the people with evil in their hearts were turned” and it’s like...

...dude that’s your wife? OK then. I can see you guys got along real well.

Anyway, so long to the ship of IonaxDartz, you were here for even less than the amount of time that Seto dated Blue Eyes White Dragon in a hallucination, which kind of sets a new record for us.

This might be the shortest-lived ship in all of Yugioh and they have a 12 year old daughter and what I assume was a 12 year marriage for that entire time.

that is if they...HAD the concept of marriage 10,000 years ago on Atlantis Pangea island. Maybe?

I mean they might have not had the concept of dating and marriage yet because he gets over this like immediately. The show will never hover back to that time Dartz watched his own wife turn into a creature. We have no idea if he was like “OK honey lets uh...let just get you a haircut and maybe no one will notice?” We have no idea how long he was desperately trying to remain married to the beast that was no longer human and was also trying to eat everyone else in his court. We just don’t know.

Dartz just had a lot of other things to think about. He’s been King for like...a year...he’s only 21...he’s just doing a bad job at everything.

(Biden opens Pres Trumps bedroom in the White House come January and it’s juts full of glowing green evil golf balls) (OK that was my last 2020 joke I swear to you) 

Anyway, Dad is here, but it’s a little too late to really do anything with the situation. Everyone is worshiping little snake turds. What can you really do about that?

One eye golden, the other eye, the color of a glistening Leviathan turd.

After the rest of the surviving royal family was chased out of the castle, Dartz decides to just wave his hands around a lot.

I’m not entirely sure what Kings do...never really had one...but I think they’re supposed to do more than wave their hands at a crowd like the Pope. Like...everyone’s dead right? Like everyone?

Who’s he talking to?

Meanwhile, Chris and Ironheart decide to revive some monster tablets to get some real actual duel monsters to do their bidding.

So apparently some monsters are in the tablets, and other’s have just always been here...and...

They didn’t know violence but they did have the cards?

There’s a lot of vague stuff they didn’t feel like ever writing, because it would have probably been boring to write about. I guess we’ll just let our imagination fill in the rest and ignore all the inconsistencies. It’s a kid’s anime. well........kind of a kid’s anime. A lot of people have died this episode and I don’t even know how to add it to the death count.

How many people live in Atlantis? I dunno.

Are the inhabitants of Atlantis even dead, or are they just turned into Monster cards? I dunno. Clearly the Great Leviathan wasn’t awoken this first battle so...did all those souls get returned? I dunno.

Either way I’m not gonna bother the death count about it because I just do not know if they died, and since it was neither an implied death or an on screen death...I dunno.

Just feels like a bit of a translation snafu--where maybe they couldn’t kill that many people on English TV, so they were like “AND IT’S A DRAW!” but also...it could be canon to both versions. The leviathan didn’t work the first time, maybe no one died? I dunno.

In this shot, PS, Raphael just gently backs up out of this flying plane, and it looked really funny to me. I probs won’t cap it because it’s split between two other cuts, but just...they just kind of moved that sprite to the right really slowly, no animation, it was great.

Dartz decides to end the backstory hallucination, and we get introduced to a new twist--a better twist than that last one, that’s right, all our boys are cards!

Including this asshole!

Been a while since our boys have been cards! Man, I miss Bakura!

Yes, I looked back to earlier episodes this season to see what was going on with Pegasus’ new look. I think what happened is that it’s always been this shade of gray purple--but when you put purple next to it’s opposing color (which is yellow colors) it looks even MORE purple. It’s just how color works. Love color theory. mm. Good stuff. Good purple hair.

I can’t wait until Yami kills Yugi for the 3rd time in one season.

Anyway, that’s all for now, and like always, here’s a link to read these in chrono order.

[shall-we-imagine]

A Liz in wonderland. (Part 1)

Yes, I'm shamelessly proud of that title.

Genre: Light hearted messing around but that's not a genre what even is a genre anymore I-

Summary: Imagine falling into an alternate universe where everything you never believed in is actually real- and vice versa. Or an alice in wonderland inspired story lol.

(First person point of view)

I tried. I really did, but the more he talked the harder it was to keep my eyelids from reuniting and sending me off to a deep sleep.

"Excuse me? May I use the bathroom?" I make sure not to use "can", considering I was in no mood to discuss the differences between may and can. We get it: you speak perfect English; now let us be.

Mr. Stuck up or whatever his name is sighs before mumbling a sure and turning back to explaining his love for Charles Dickens's A tale of two cities.

I take my sweet, sweet time, fully enjoying the silence of the normally bustling hallways. Plus, of course, the lack of lectures about Charles Dickens. Unsurprisingly, the bathroom too is completely empty: convenient for me, a person that's only here to scroll through her phone for a bit and doesn't want to be stared at cuz she's as awkward as could be.

Quiet murmurs distract me from my screen in hand; looking up, however, I find no one else in the bathroom. A stranger thing is how distant the voice felt, plus the fact that it came from a specifically strange direction...

"Huh? Was that always there?" I mumble to myself. The mirror that I'd previously assumed to be squeaky clean was decorated with about a billion tiny hearts and a giant one in the middle with the words GO OUT WITH ME? spelled in a neat handwriting inside. There's no way I missed this lipstick confession on the mirror, right?

More murmurs follow, but I still can't figure out what's being said, and at this point, I'm ready to just bolt out in fear rather than understand. However, as my eyes dart around in panic, I catch sight of some hearts being erased and redrawn.

"Is this a prank?" I hesitantly ask in a shaky voice, reaching to touch the thick, red lines.

A scream violently rips through my throat the second my fingertips come in contact with the glass. No, I wish it had made contact with the mirror. That's the thing, though: it didn't. My fingers slipped right through it.

No, it couldn't have. I imagined it; I must've.

With trembling hands, I once again reach for the mirror. I can't explain it. I don't know why it's happening, but I'm wrist deep into the supposedly solid barrier.

As I was trying to make sense of it, something latched onto my hand, aggressively pulling me towards my reflection. I scream and pull away as hard as I can; I grip the granite edge with my left hand, silently cursing myself for eliminating my dominant hand. Next time I wanna throw a hand into the unknown, I'll make sure to remember I do so with my left hand instead.

You'd think at this point someone would just burst in and save the day, right? Yeah, somehow I was left to fend for myself.

My hand is already getting weaker (curse you, (Y/N), for not exercising enough!), and with a sudden surge of power, I find myself thrust towards whatever was pulling me. I half-hoped I'd just slam into the mirror then stand back up normally, and everything would be okay, but instead I open my eyes to find myself on top of some brunette.

"Uh, hi." She laughs nervously.

"Who are you?!" I straighten my elbows but remain on top of her, mainly to corner her but also because I could barely find any power in me to even move an inch.

She slides herself backwards a few centimeters, just to prop herself up on her elbows. "Who are you? You're the one who reached out my mirror! ...Well, maybe not my mirror, but you get the point." She pauses for a moment then brings her face closer to mine, observing me intently and curiously. "What are you anyway? At first, I thought you were a ghost, but you're very...solid and...opaque...hmm.." She places her hand beneath my jaw, fingers pressing tightly towards the end of my cheeks. Unable to withstand the pressure, I open my mouth to relieve the pain.

"I don't get it." She frowns and releases me.

I rub my face in agony, "Don't get what?" By now, I'd sat up straight, maybe subconsciously I'm scared of the unexpectedly strong weirdo and needed to create more distance between us, who knows?

"You're not a demon either...these are the only creatures that can transport through mirro-" Her eyes widen. She pushes me away and quickly takes a fighting stance, cat ears shooting open from the top of her head. "Are you a witch?"

"Are you insane?!" I stand up, adjusting my clothes.

"I won't fall for this, witch! I'm not gonna be anyone's pet!" Thick claws spring out of her fingers, replacing her previously less intimidating painted nails.

Staring into her glowing green eyes in fear, I sputter out the first coherent thought that forms in the midst of my panicking mind, "Dude, what the fuck?!"

"Hmm?" Her glowing eyes take their earlier human-like form. She begins sniffing around, closing the distance between us. "Doesn't smell very witch-y...oh, silly me, I jumped to conclusions! Sorry about that!" She giggles.

I heave a sigh of relief, "Ha ha, yeah, silly you..."

Her cat ears suddenly perk up, as if picking up something interesting from a distance. Judging by her expression, I'm right. "What's-"

"You have to leave; you'll ruin my confession!" She tries to push me back into the mirror, but when that fails, she kicks me out the bathroom. What? Does she own the bathroom or something?! Who confesses in a bathroom anyway?!

The door slams shut behind me. I sigh. Probably useless to fight her anyway; she's completely bonkers. Perhaps I should come back later and try to understand whatever the fuck happened with that mirror...

"You seen Amelia?" A tall blonde blocks my way, (possibly) a fox tail swinging calmly behind her. "Cat hybrid. 'Bout this tall.." She holds her palm, facing downwards, near her chest.

"Uh, yeah, I think she's inside." I point to the bathroom door, stepping aside to make way for the girl, who I assume is the one Amelia is waiting for. Poor girl is getting a bathroom confession.

"Thanks!" She smiles and walks inside the bathroom.

Well, where am I supposed to go until their little love scene is over? I sigh, trudging away from the bathroom door- unsure where I'm headed to.

"Hey, newbie!" A voice calls, directing my attention to a green-haired male with a dangling earring in one ear.

I tilt my head in confusion. "How do you know about me?"

"Saw it in my crystal ball earlier." He shrugs.

"Ha ha. Very funny." I roll my eyes. "What do you want anyway?"

"Very rude. Tsk tsk. Well, I was going to help you get back into that mirror you came out of, but I guess this isn't what you want, so I'll be off then." He smirks and begins walking away, hands casually shoved in his pockets.

"What?! How do you know about that?!" He doesn't budge. "Hey! Wait!" I call and rush after him, but the second I quicken my pace, he takes off running. "What's wrong with you?! Are you insane?! Stop!" Yelling isn't the solution I guess, but at least I'm taking out my irritation on something, right?

He reaches an intersection, and I pay close attention to make sure I know which direction he takes. It doesn't help at all, however, when he takes all three directions.

I saw him with my own two eyes split into three identical forms and take off running in each of the three directions.

Unable to comprehend the scene, I subconsciously stop in my tracks, head jerking to each side to make sure I actually saw what I saw. "What the fuck?" I breathe out.

"Luca?" A voice questions from behind me.

I turn around to face a blue haired boy with an eye patch. "Who?"

"The green haired guy. Annoying. Show off. Barely understandable. You know, the one that just ran off." He says in a semi-monotone.

"Uh, yeah? Did- did you see the way he.." I trail off. Do I want this person to think I'm insane? Probably not. Should I be telling him I saw this Luca dude split in three? Again, Probably not.

"Yeah. Luca's a witch." The guy informs me, seemingly unimpressed by the fact.

My mind takes me back to the moment Amelia freaked out at the mere thought of a witch. It made me wonder if this Luca guy ever tried anything on her. I wouldn't be surprised.

"Is that..common?"

"Witches? At this specific school, not really. In general, yeah, kinda." He responds.

Unable to get Amelia's reaction out of my head, I find myself asking for more information. "Are they evil?"

The stranger stares into my eyes for a few moments, but I suspected he wasn't staring at me at all, that he was staring into something beyond that- beyond me. "There's evil within anything and everything."

His eyes flicker back to present life. "But no. Not all of them are what you would label as evil. They're just mischievous, mostly harmless."

"Oh." I don't comment on his sudden disconnection with the real world; something told me it was better not to, anyway.

"Well, do you know if he can actually help me get back to where I came from?"

"Can? More likely. Will? I doubt it." The boy shrugs, "Unless you can offer him something interesting, I suppose. That's just a witch type of thing, I'm guessing." He places his fingers around his chin thoughtfully. And for the first time, I notice the tail swaying lightly behind him.

"A wolf?! You're a wolf hybrid!" I exclaim, as if I just made a life-changing discovery, but he just nods while staring at me like I'd gone insane.

He shakes off my exclamations and proceeds, "As I was saying...even though Luca might not be of too much help, there's another witch who is also known to be very good in this school." He reaches into his backpack to pull out some newspaper; it appeared to be the school's newspaper. He flips through it, eyes scanning the pages for whatever he was looking for. "Aha!"

He hands it over, pointing to a specific photo of a dark-haired guy with beautifully mismatched eyes. Class 6F-777's Joel Crawford wins yet another magic tournament! read the headline. The class assortment confused me, but I paid it no attention; this Joel person seems to know what they're doing. "Is it okay if I burrow this?"

"Yeah, no problem!" He smiles.

"Thank you so much! I'm (Y/N), by the way." I take hold of the newspaper and hug it tightly to my chest, like it was the map to a treasure I so desperately needed to find, which it is. I need to leave this place.

"Yukiya." He nods.

"Well, I'm gonna go try to find this Joel. Thank you again for helping me, Yukiya!" I wave as I walk off, but he hesitantly interrupts me.

"I can help you if you want." He offers, to which I immediately agree to.

"Okay, so we can start by checking Class 6F-777." He marches forward, me tailing behind. I take in the corridors as I walk; it looks like a normal school, yet somehow it's home to creatures I thought never existed. Part of me believed it would be interesting to spend some more time here, but I couldn't. I had to go back home.

"Ow!" Coming to a sudden halt after bumping into someone, I pause to take in the lack of anything for me to bump into.

"Watch where you're going!" The person who fades into existence in a matter of seconds glares at me as he leaves.

"That's Lucious. Don't mind him; he gets like when he argues with his girlfriend, but he's actually a very sweet guy. Ghosts can phase through everything, including other bodies; he just chose to bump into you on purpose, but as I said- don't mind him." A blond steps forward, resting an arm on Yukiya's shoulder while keeping his sparkling purple eyes on me.

He finally turns to the wolf hybrid, "Who's your friend, Yukiya?"

Yukiya glances at me, as if to say oh, this one? and looks back to his friend, "(Y/N). She's a human."

"No way!" The blond gasps, "Are you sure?"

"It's a scent I've never smelled before, Elias."

"Still- that could mean a lot of other things! Humans can't be real..."

"I'm right here." I finally announce my presence, though I didn't think I'd need to.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm Elias Goldstein." The blond blushes and holds his hand out for me to shake, which I do.

Before the conversation could pursue, a loud crash catches everyone's attention, eyes quickly searching for the source of the disaster.

"Serge! I told you not to do that here!" A voice growls, as a pink-haired guy rushes outside a classroom in absolute terror.

[inventors-fair]

Splitting Up Pt. 2 ~

@morbidlyqueerious - Liniment // Linger

This just plays into the age-old question about non-evergreen mechanics on these cards, but I’ll assume that Persist is part of the Orzhov or something like that. I think this card could be an interesting combat trick. Liniment, however, feels incredibly weak by itself, sideboard material at best. I know, it’s synergistic with Linger, but what if it’s by itself? I don’t know, I just don’t think there are enough situations to merit it.

@nine-effing-hells - Sense // Sensibility

Both these sides are grokable, certainly. Sense feels a touch overpowered, but I’m also looking at Appeal // Authority and, eh, maybe it’s just me. Sensibility also, well, makes sense. I suppose that the card itself just isn’t really grabbing me at the moment. I could see its place in a set, I suppose.

@ozthearistocrat - Ghosts // Ghouls

Why does Ghosts make your creatures indestructible? That just makes no sense to me flavorfully, but I like the spiritual creation. Ghouls should read “Destroy target creature. You gain life equal” yadda yadda, as one connected ability. I’m not a fan of it being sorcery-speed, but it’s not the most egregious.

@reaperfromtheabyss - Brag // Braid

I can see you’re on an artist kick, eh? I totally feel it. I think this card is awesome. My worry is giving cards splice. Maybe it’s not game-breaking, but it’s complex as hell, and then if you’re drawing cards AFTER this spell resolves, do those cards also gain splice, or is it just the ones in your hand as B/B is being cast? Persist is easy to grok. Suspend, a little challenging to grok. Splice is hella hard to grok. This card is complex as butts, and I don’t know if it’s worth the weirdness to put this all together.

@rosencrypt - Communion // Compleation

Hm. Communion is a wee bit overpowered compared to cousin Congregate. For two mana less, in colors that benefit from it and that you don’t have to be in one color for, you get a huge amount of life? Something to consider. Compleation needs even more work. Why does WBG turn things into artifacts? These are the colors that do the least amount of artifact interaction. Why the Phyrexian BB to turn this into some three-colored card? Why these two sides together? I’m trying to be constructive here, but there’s a lot that needs to be unpacked. I think it would benefit you to look at previously printed splits and this week’s winners to gain some insight into the process of cohesion.

@shakeszx - Deter // Detox

I think Deter might be undercosted, and I would rather Detox give protection instead of the latter abilities, but that’s me being finicky because I’d like to imagine this card being able to be printed. Solid. I like Detox as a name.

@somethingtothatextent - Divine // Divide

For one, kudos for making your own art. Just be sure to give yourself credit, okay? As for this card, small construction: Divide needs to say “...by target attacking creature this turn” so it’s not indefinite. As for Divine, I’m not a huge fan of it being restricted to blue/white cards able to be put in your hand? I dunno exactly what would be done to fix that, but I think it’s worth looking at fixing. Good job!

@starch255 - Chill // Chisel

I’ll admit, it’s kinda cute. Chill needs to either make the card a Wall in addition to its other types, or make it lose its other types; I think it’s a layers thing, don’t quote me on that. I think some players might be a little peeved that ice magic, which has typically been used to tap creatures, is being used in this way, but with the ice sculpture theme (that’s what it is, right?), this card is funny and decent all at once. Y’know, this could have been a Humor contender!

@wpandp - Irrigate // Irritate

Irrigate is the one that’s making me furrow my brow a little. It’s not a bad card, but it’s a touch confusing at uncommon, I think. I don’t know exactly the kind of deck that would want to play it. The scry is interesting for sure. Irritate is just plain fun. For split cards, you don’t have to add flavor text. Honestly, it makes the cards a little bulky to look at.

~

Thank you all for your entries and your patience! Keep medieval-ing.

[delta-has-a-blog]

Gate Hoppers: Species Info

This too, rather than a one-off post n' go is more of an expanding list that'll grow larger as I go further on.

Külveena - Beast-man race of Panther-like descent (They're kinda like Tony the Tiger's scarier and more dangerous cousins). Come from the feline-like peoples of the Lötorre family, which is any feline beast-man race from their homeworld. They live within the jungles of Gnäroknstrad, and as they are beast men they have an enhanced constitution and healing ability compared to other humanoids. Going so far as being able to reattach lost limbs if the wound is fresh enough and given both parts aren't too damaged. They exhibit a curious form of sexual dimorphism, despite both being tall and agile the men are stockier and generally sturdier. The women are even more agile then the men, and can actually carry more as well. While in the past they hunted nowadays they raise livestock in jungle cities and are regarded as one of the more welcoming people of their world. Popular at drinking parties, forests are their backyards so don't expect to catch them should they enter one.

Ríoruné (Family)- Canine beast-men (Awoo! Awoo! All the Awoos) that live in Gnäroknstrad, but are spread over all the world. Much like the canines of our world there's varying breeds, the wolf-men are referred to as the Ríoruné family Lotórr and their smaller, shaggier prairie cousins are referred to as the Ríoruné family Motíva. All share immense stamina as well as tracking abilities, but much past that is all down to which clan they hail from. Known to be highly diligent workers who value loyalty, family and honor. Should you get a Ríoruné's trust and keep it they'll be by your side forever. Known for their love of sports, typically ones that involve chasing, most are great with children as well. Should someone decide to wrong them they should keep in mind that the typical Ríorúne can track a scent for miles.

Jaeger - Short, hardy humanoids who hail from Yvjærdën (Imagine vikings, less scary (action-wise) now shorter.). Largely nomadic with some individuals breaking off to form small villages sometimes. Known for being able to live until murdered by something, but there's no genetic reason they should be able to do so. Look-wise they appear to be humans, with ears that instead of ending ending rounded-out theirs end in two sharp angles. Their ears are also slightly larger, which helps their already impeccable hearing, which other than sight is their staple sense. In many ways sight comes secondary to hearing for them. Their eyes also emit a small glow, which intensifies when confronted with danger. As well as changing with emotion, or rather the soft glow they emit changes, these colors vary from Jaeger to Jaeger. Their aptitude for Relic creation is also great, with 1/8 of them being able to do so, likely due to their hardiness. Though they aren't known die being very bright, most don't care as Jaegers are a very open people. Almost too open, they'll invite you to stay in their home without knowing you. It doesn't really matter if you're dangerous because they are too.

Grinka/Kriva - The Grinka and Kriva are very closely related species, only truly seperated by differences due to the regions they live. A small, ram-esque humanoid people who you wouldn't be too wrong in assuming they wear heavy coats, however this is just their fur. In reality they wear very light clothing, and the Grinka often have to shear themselves to avoid overheating. Their Kriva cousins however don't as often, as they live in mountains. As studious as they are stubborn, and just as intelligent these folk love nothing more than to tinker. As such they're well-known as one of the most industrial races. While they look akin to rams, they're actually unrelated to any beast-man. Their look is just a curious form of convergent evolution (that spans entire worlds). For the most part they're a cautious race, however very willing to work with any fellow tinkerers. A favorite at singing events, as many enjoy making a tune as much as they enjoy making machinery.

Grodar - The Grodar are a race of varying sizes just as their looks, one may look entirely human past being ten foot tall while the next looks like an oni standing at over eight feet. Typically, the older they are the larger, and with lifespans nearly breaching the thousands with the oldest being eight hundred they can get very big. Big fans of competition, both physical and one's of the philosophical nature. A love of competition doesn't mean a love of violence however, as many join the Rhino Hoppers. There are those that take their competition to the multiworld level, joining the Lion's under the tutelage of the Grand Lion. There is however, a darker side to the Grodar as any unwilling to compete are shunned and sometimes outright exiled from their communities. A fear of the night pervades this race, a mystery many are trying to find the answer too, as it isn't known if this is simply a product of culture or genetics.

Mōdra (Family) - The Mōdra are a race of Rhino-beast men from the plains of Gnäroknstrad, also the race of the Grand Gorilla (Funny how that is.) Specifically the Mōdra family Dríph'k, all Mōdra are large and powerful, with the best affinity for Relic crafting out of all known full beast-men. Generally peaceful until provoked, if you'd want to do that for whatever reason god speed. Known for nearly godly amounts of patience, and many end up in professions where that is a necessity. Even more well known for getting into numerous drinking competitions with the Jaegers.

Sku'lin - The Sku'lin are a moth-type beast-man, please, no lamp jokes. Their culture puts high value upon the pursuits of knowledge, so many take upon the mantle of traveler, and those who wish to get the knowledge only Hoppers may have take the extra mile. Not exactly known for acknowledging personal space, they may not even have a concept of it at all. Many of their cultural ticks too are see by odd to others, being a very up and personal people. You'd think the most of them would be night owls, but it's a strong fifty-fifty. Race of the Grand Owl, who is definitely an outlier of their species based upon how she acts. If you befriend them they will quickly want to know every personal detail of you.

Rēknoverr - An arachnid beast-man race hailing from Lünovéra, all which exhibit tarantula-esque properties rather than the wide range exhibited by the similar Guròda family of Gnäroknstrad. Large, strong, and generally have impeccable eyesight along with extremely strong silk strands. Some spin webs like traditional spiders, and some others simply lob globs of it at their enemies/prey like some form of artillery cannon. Not all have poison, but it's not like they'd poison you unless you did something to deserve it. Naturally a very shy people, but dependent on race of spider-person culture can differ entirely. Word has it their thorax's make for great napping spots should one ever let you lay your head there.

Guròda (family) - As pre-mentioned a spider beast-man race from Gnäroknstrad, however not limited as to which spiders they exhibit the properties of. Even more culturally diverse than the Rēknoverr and moreso physically. From the lean daddy long-leg like Hüccho or the black widow-like Ìnson. Many sell either the silk they produce or the poison they do, some even sell crafts made from their silks. While it isn't unheard of for them to become Hoppers you won't see them much, as many prefer a nocturnal lifestyle. It's rumored that frogs are the most favored pets among them, wonder why?

Forovin - The Forovins are a very human-like race. Exhibiting high levels of intelligence but not as much physical prowess as most others. This however, doesn't stop many from splitting from their largely farm-based lives to become Hoppers. Largely their culture places high vale on family and honest work, though feuds can and will last generations at times. They have an amazing ability to befriend people even extremely different to themselves, despite their aptitude to hold grudges.

Narfūda - The largest, physically and distribution-wise the races on Brîgatërna. About the size of your average human, with features that could be described as a cross between a snake and an ape of sorts. They use their hold over the planet to maintain control over the weaker Kiräken and Júmùna, the Hu'k only evading them due to living in the caverns underground. You could say if the look of their world is it's beauty, they are the ugly side. Pushing many menial and dangerous tasks upon their "servants". Not all Narfūda see this is fair however, but as it stands nothing is changing any time soon.

Kiräken - Physically only slightly smaller than the Narfūda but far weaker, they are a race of skinny humanoids who look somewhat similar to more evenly proportioned grey aliens. Their skin colors come on a wide area, but their eyes are almost always blue. Used mostly as personal servants or menial task-doers, due to their weak physical stature. They have a curious culture, being very friendly to non-oppressive Narfūda and a very adventurous people. Many are taken into the Federation as researchers after escaping servitude.

Júmùna - Far smaller than even the Kiräken, standing at tallest 4'5 yet sadly used for more dangerous tasks due to being physically tougher and stronger than the Kiräken. A dwarf-like people exhibiting bear properties, many riddled with injuries from their servitude. Through time they've grown naturally untrustworthy, wary of others even after they've long escaped servitude.

Hu'k - The appearance of these small, odd creatures comparable in height to the Júmùna is unknown, only their taloned hands and feet being able to be seen out of their hooded, masked figures. A naturally curious people, constantly exploring the chasms they call home and even excavating new ones entirely. Naturally untrustworthy of others, but if they see someone in need they will lend a hand. Some view them as "savage" due to their perceived lack of civilization and language, of which they have, except for the language die to them communicating purely through projected emotions. They can even project their feelings to non-Hu'k. Once you've gained their trust you'd have to do something awful to lose it. If you're warm watch out were you nap, you may wake to several napping on/with you. Revere the Liege of Decay as some form of living god, why? He doesn't know, send help.

Morobasa - A race of dessert-dwellers who have a naturally high heat resistance, standing several feet taller than the regular humanoid with lean frames. Some live nocturnal lives, of which are shorter than their day-walking brethren with more compact frames. All have a second set of eyelids to keep and out, even with special organs for storing water for long periods of time. They have a culture of traders and nomads, along with vibrant performers and artists, as if the heat of the sands fuels their vibrant creation. Sarcasm is entirely lost on these people.

Iikans - Named so after they adopted it from Iika, Nora's friend, while exploring the her new world. Small, fuzzy, rabbit-like people who exhibit a form of group-telepathy, as all now refer to themselves as "Iikans" no matter where you go. An undeveloped yet very friendly people, likely due to their first major visitation being by a shiba inu-woman with a heart of gold. Have a curious affinity for trinkets and having exactly twenty-five children.

Mordians - A Tall, lanky people, with large ovular heads and circular eyes. Coupled with blue, starry skin. These people are naturally inclined to preserve things, memories, items, each one being a hoarder of a unique set of items for each individual. This led to the state of things now, preserving a massive amount of creatures within their cradle. They suffer great feelings of loss over losing their possessions, and even those dear to them. This may be bore of their life span, fearing losing things in the eternity of their lives.

Greemar - An aquatic beast-man race (being one of few humanoid races) that are natural to both the shallow and deep waters. Only separated in the middle due to a current tong running through with few safe entry points. They are a shark-like race, displaying powerful swimming capabilities and the bodies of hunters. Some tough enough to move on land, many without support as their pride rarely allows it. As Prone to metaphorically latching onto someone like they do their prey and being perhaps a little too friendly. Seems Nora has great connections amongst many of these people. Prone to stalking accidentally, taking to hunting tactics even when merely "hunting" for friends. They can also hold onto sent for miles.

Dar'chuli - The saying, "My father is a seal." is meant to be taken literally amongst these people, living among the shallow waters of the entire world and the deeper reaches of the polar oceans. A mammalian species, exhibiting extremely high intelligence. They even largely where the ones who thought about the idea to use their home as a resort. They have homes both built underwater and above, and happily migrate between them. No stairs, only spirals, stairs would be horrible to climb. Quick to make friends, and quicker to seize business opportunities. Even happier to have friends who are business partners. The infamous Noir, The Puma's president secretary, Mūäū is one of these people. This is the only fact known otherwise. This has become it's own business boost as well.

"The Blind People" - A tribe of humanoids who all inhabit a strange world consisting of the many asteroids in a belt around a star. These people need not air, and have evolved to be able to easily traverse their belt-home. Enhanced by powerful foresight, legend has it they can see the future. Whether or not that is true they can perceive the world almost perfectly without sight at all. They in fact, scorned their sight for reasons they won't tell. A heavily monastic people, all have rituals of "Sight" they perform for reasons unknown. All have known to be terrifying diplomats, it's unknown whether they can or can't actually read minds. Make for wonderful teachers.

((Also note I'm not posting this at 10pm!!! What!!!!))

[iraniq]

The Story

Chapter 2

After this little accident I excuse myself, saying I feel sick and I drove straight home. I really ditched my boyfriend for Hannibal. The only thing my ex knew is that one of the patients I drove in wheelchair around the asylum park was telling everyone he is Hannibal Lecter. However, the crazy cannibal had nothing to do with the boy who I shared my bed with; he was rude and mostly needed me to maintain his existence. Hannibal was kind, sweet, gentle, he spoke for me, knowing what I would say. Although we were mainly talking about him. I could not bear living with someone who is blinder about my soul than a person whose brain is half melted by drugs.

As I entered my apartment I instantly took a cold shower, crying, and proceed by eating all of the sweets I had in my apartment. It was scary how he had red me, better then I red him the opened book in my hands. On the top of this my mother called.

-     Hello sweetie.

-     Hi mom!

-     How are you? Have you called your friend?

-     If you mean my ex, NO! I haven’t called him, I told you I won’t call him! Never again.

-     Don’t talk to me like this young lady …

-     I told you million times, we split up, it’s over!

-     You don’t even told me why? Whose fault it was, he is trying darling …

-     I dumped him because he is idiot, not because I am seeing someone … - “I wish I would” - … it’s his fault, and he knows it, that’s why he is so … slick!

-     Give him a call, you are single for a year …

-     And?

-     I doubt someone would want you.

-     What?

-     You don’t wanna end up alone, don’t you!

-     We are not it 18-th century … I’d rather end up alone, instead being with an idiot!

-     You don’t know what are you talking about …

She continued lecture me, but I simply hung up the phone. Instead, I opened my laptop to check on my online friends. They went wild sharing crazy stuff again, after I finished answering and commentiong on ther posts, the message box popped:

“hey girlfriend, how are you”

“aww, hi, I am fine, just got home, you?”

“fine too, now as you are free, tell me all about this boy! Now Girl!”

“he said he loved me”

“OMG girl! I am very excited! I am squealing like a little bitch.”

“yeah”

“and what did you said”

“I ran away”

“seriously, why, you love him too!”

“I am not sure”

“what do you mean you are not sure, don’t make me come and kick your little ass, what about all the things you shared with me last month?”

“my as is not little ... well, it’s true, but … dunno”

“bullshit! you go there tomorrow and tell him you feel the same, or I’ll never speak to you again, you listen to me girl, I’ll come to kick your little ass.”

“you are very sweet”

“sweet my ass, you are making an old lady too much excited, I need rest already”

“oh come on, you are not that old, stop pretending”

I didn’t get any answer, maybe her lunch break is over. We met in the park, we bong over our Wednesday-Shake-Fruit juice tradition, as we were both very busy, we continued online, but kept out traditional Wednesday’s meetings.

I opened my phone, I had a picture of Hannibal there. Damn this boy will be the death of me. How did this happened to me. Well when a while ago I joked I will end up like Harley Quinn, I had no idea I would be telling the truth. Eventually he still have his long looks, after he bit off some other people, they couldn’t hurt him either, it turned out there is something in his blood that makes him immune to most of the diseases … maybe that’s why they had him at first place, and let me talk to him so freely and so easily … no, this isn’t possible, the Owner is a nice guy, the nurses there aren’t even rude to the patients it’s like heaven … but an asylum. Although it’s the perfect place for a plot like this ... 

I lied back on the couch, I was wondering what to do. I was almost asleep when I remembered I had this tape of a conversation of ours from the first year. It was in my work desk. I found it, put the little tape in the Dictation machine, I had a big old one with little tapes, they were so cute, I had to buy it, I put the headphones and hit play:

Have you watched Kate and Leopold?

Yes – “my voice sounds shit on tape”

So you know who I am!

Am … who are you?

It is no more crazy than a dog finding a rainbow. Dogs are colourblind, Gretchen. They don't see colour. Just like we don't see time. We can feel it, we can feel it passing, but we can't see it. It's just like a blur. It's like we're riding in a supersonic train and the world is just blowing by, but imagine if we could stop that train, eh, Gretchen? Imagine if we could stop that train, get out, look around, and see time for what it really is? A universe, a world, a thing as unimaginable as colour to a dog, and as real, as tangible as that chair you're sitting in. Now if we could see it like that, really look at it, then maybe we could see the flaws as well as the form. And that's it; it's that simple. That's all I discovered. I'm just a... a guy who saw a crack in a chair that no one else could see. I'm that dog who saw a rainbow, only none of the other dogs believed me.

I believe you!

Bravo! This was the right line … but do you know what you said, what you agreed with?

You … ?

It's ... thin line between madness and seeing thing in their true way ... not how the society make you look at them, the way they told you to understand stuff. Crazy people are scary because they are totally unpredictable. But in a bad way. They can just snap toward you. And You can't reason with them ...

Because they are crazy

No! Crazy is different way to see things. Yes, it's not logical. It's like a dog seeing colors. It doesn't always means it's wrong. Normal people assume crazy people are bad for themselves. Like, they can't decide what's best for them, it's sometimes true, but not always. Like, when you don't fit in the society frame they kick you out, not even bothering to understand. They forbid you the right to think for yourself! And this is wrong! At least that's how I see it.... can you follow me?

Yes!

The outcasts that don't fit with the rest of the world can't be consider crazy. We are the ones who see something beautiful and free that in our society boundaries we are forbidden to. We are the magical creatures who see the colors. True dreamers, just like all your inventors ... but you keep braking us, to keep your inner lie you are in control of the world, the bit of “inner piece” that keeps your society whole!

Well ... we are kinda closed in our understandings coming from society, that’s why I think you are free, like you say, the dog seeing colors.

I am also talking about the inner peace! So ... what makes you sure you can think straight, and this life isn't fake projection, and you are imagining things ... like ... is this inner peace even possible … what's the proof you are thinking rational way? At some point we all live in our own delusions! What if you all are the crazy ones, and we, the "crazy" are the one who truly see, trying to show you, but we are way too blind to see?

And after that kind of conversation normal people turn crazy! I was wondering, should I go back? Should I go tomorrow? Maybe I should call? No, they won’t let him speak on the phone. No, one of the boys likes me, I’ll call him!

-          Hi … no I am fine … yeah, yes! Listen, I am kinda worried about Hannibal, would it … yeah, if … ok, I’ll wait … Oh .. hello? Hello, Hannibal!

-          Hello.

-          How are you? I hope everything is ok.

-          I am fine, how are you? I didn’t meant to make you sad, although you made yourself sad with the book; why you read it to me at first place, as you knew it will make you sad?

-          Well … it’s my …

-          … favourite and you wanted to share the experience with me, I get it. Can you please next time pick something … more funny.

-          I have another book, but don’t worry I’ll write on a paper the funny part.

-          Can’t you read it to me now?

-          You know I can’t. And you are not supposed to tell that we talked.

-          I know. Bye!

-          Till tomorrow!

I hung up. “I am officially screwed now!”

_________________________________

@diyunho @rhina988 @nikkitasevoli @auntiemama1 @wolfgirl1074 @sookieblack12 @spillinginkwithlove littlefearsdoodles  lady-grinning-soul-k @jayded-reality 

[tylerjosephsdimple]

One Sided Love..(JoshxReader)

This was requested by —- Reader and Josh have a baby together on a one night stand. Reader fell in love in such a short amount of time but Josh has different and a secret that changes everything and I’m not saying that Josh would ever do this in real life. WARNING MAJOR PLOT TWIST AT THE END! I’m evil. I’m gonna leave you hanging. ;) But this is split into two. Reader’s Point of View “Yea, you should have been there. I was playing basket ball with Josh and tried passing him the ball but he wasn’t paying attention and nailed him straight in the face.” Tyler laughed. I chuckled and looked around. Tyler and I have been friends for awhile but I haven’t actually meet Josh yet.  I have heard about him a lot but never had time to meet him. Tyler just got back from tour and he was telling me about all the memories that happened during tour.  I missed Tyler a lot but he had bigger things that he had going on in his life and I had to be okay without actually being okay with it. “The best part was that he blacked out for like two minutes. He’s fine but it was funny.” Tyler said. “Anyways, what going on in my girl best friends life? Anything new? Boyfriend? Best Friends? Have you replaced me?” He looked at me pretending to be hurt and put his hand over his heart and his other hand was motioning a single tear.  I laugh and push him lightly. “Oh never.” I say dramatically. “How could I ever replace you, dear old friend..” You laugh. “Hey, I’m not that old. Hey, I have an idea.” He smiled. “Oh god, this isn’t going to end well. He has an idea. Lord have mercy.” I put my hands up in a praying way. “You’re just a meanie. But, I think you should meet Josh. How long have I known you and you have never meet my rock star bandmate. Plus, I think you two would get along fairly well.” He winked. “Uggh, Why are you like this and that sounds fun….The meeting him part not the ummm, anyways how are you and Jenna?” I asked trying to change the subject. “Were fine but I think we should get back before its pitch black outside.” He turns around and starts walking back the way we came from . “So, aliens.” “Dude, I so believe that they are real. Like how could they not be. I honestly, don’t understand people that don’t believe. How could there not be something that is living besides us in this universe. I mean were here right so how could something else not be here?” I love topics like these but this wasn’t up for debate for me. Aliens are real and I would bet good money they don’t have football heads with bug eyes. “You took the words out of my mouth.” Tyler chuckled. “But I understand. But, what’s up with that probing stuff. Like, where did that come from?” We walk up to the house and I just laugh. I open the door only to be greeted by an amazing smell. I turn to my right and see Mama Joseph holding a big pot of Chicken Soup. My absolute favorite. “Whoa, Mamma J. You need help?” “No, thank you dear.” She smiled. “Come on lets go to my room. Jenna’s getting your room ready.” Tyler pulled my arm and dragged me down the hallway into his room. This was always my second home since I met Tyler. I come over all the time. I went into the room and looked around. Just how it was left last time I was here. Tyler was on tour for  months and I missed coming around but I always came to Jay’s basketball games. Him and I were always close but not as close as Tyler and I. “Awwe, Y/n! You’re here. Its been awhile.” Jenna came into the room and hugged me. It was more like a death trap rather than a hug but it was cozy. Kinda, not really. I hugged her back and let go after awhile. “Y/n, you must be tired. Lets get you to bed.” ———–

“LETS GO ON AN ADVANTURE, Y/n!” “Uggh, Its too early. What time is it?” I say as I pull the bed covers over my head to try to block the sun from my face. “Um, Let me check. 10:56, so almost 11. GET UP YOU LAZY ASS.” He yelled. “Ugh, come on. Where are we going?” Yes, it was late. No, this isn’t unusually. I got up and walked to the my backpack and grabbed it. “Just to the park, then ice cream. With Jenna, You and I…..and Josh.” Tyler whispered the last part but I still heard it.  I looked back at him with wide eyes.  

“You didn’t.” I whisper with wide eyes and my jaw dropped. “Oh, but I did.” Tyler smirked. “and I’m not sorry.” “Why you gotta do this to me, Tyler? And, such early notice too.” I groaned and got up trying to make myself look somewhat presentable. I choose a Fall Out Boy shirt and a red flannel. Then, black skinny jeans and black vans. Eh, I look okay. Just need to slightly curl my hair. After everything was done me and Tyler walked to the park by his house. “No, but Giraffes are the most alien like creature. They have black tongues BLACK TONGUES! And, why are they so tall like why. Yea, They need to reach food on trees but like black tongues.” I chuckle at my choice of words. Tyler laughs but agrees. We continue to walk when I suddenly bump into to someone. “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I wasn’t looking to where I was going and —” I look up to the person and see that it’s the guy in all the magazines beside Tyler. “Oh Josh, Duh.” “Okay, not the best start but Y/n this is Josh and Josh this is Y/n.” Tyler laughed at my awkwardness and I just glared at him. I looked at Josh again and might I say he is a mighty fine fellow. And, his eyes are just so whoa. They were so consuming. I couldn’t look away he was just so beautiful. His hair was a purple color that fit him rather well. He smiled and it was a really good smile. He had a snapback on and a Panic! At the Disco, muscle shirt with black ripped jeans and burgundy vans.  He looked good. I liked that shirt on him but I’d like it better o–. “You done staring Y/n? Jenna’s gonna be here right now.” Tyler laughed but Josh just smirked and let me tell you that was really freaken attractive. “Oh look she’s here.” Tyler pointed at Jenna and ran towards her. “So, Y/n you know that were gonna be the loaners while they go do cute couple stuff. Major third and fourth wheel.” Josh informed me. “I think i can handle it. Just a reminded that I’ll be forever alone.” I joked. Well kinda. “Oh, come on. A beautiful girl like you would have any guy on there knees.” He smiled. He then got closer and closer until he was right next to me. He was so close to me that I could feel his breaths on my skin. He then leaned closer and turned his head right next to my ear. “Kinda like me.” He whispers. He then starts walking towards Tyler and Jenna like nothing. Welp, that just happed. Act calm Y/n. A really hot guy just said I was beautiful. Wow. *TIME SKIP*  

A couple weeks after Josh and I met we started hanging out a lot more but there was also a lot of playful behavior. Like, one minute he would flirt with me then the next he would ask if I wanted food. First off, was that even a question. Second, It was really freaken confusing. Right now, Tyler, Josh, Jenna and I were watching Suicide for the hundredth time.  But, things got a little more interesting and unexpected. Josh and I were up and awake but Tyler and Jenna feel asleep in each other’s  arms. Josh suddenly grabbed my hand and laced it with his. He wrapped his arm around me and started kissing me. Okay, this wasn’t the first time this had happened but I still got butterflies each time. I have to admit something. I fell for Josh in such a small of time. I realize that. But, just because I know that doesn’t mean that I am willing to accept it. I don’t want to be in love but love isn’t a choice. But, it was hard not to fall in love with him. Josh was a great guy. He was like a guy in some school girls dreams. Ya, know that guy with dreamy eyes and a perfect personality yep that was Josh. But, even through the flirting I think he doesn’t feel the same way. It was just an act nothing more. “Lets take this to the room…” *SORRY I DON’T WRITE SMUT* Use your imagination.….yea do that. The sunlight came pouring into the room signaling that it was time to wake up. Oh boy, here comes reality. I wake up with a headache and turn around without opening my eyes. I’m one of those people that  have to lay down to wake up I don’t know its weird. I snuggle my head closer to the sheets when I hear a soft snore. Memories of last night came flooding in. I smile at the thought and turn around to face Josh. He was sleeping but that came to an end as he began to stir awake. His eyes fluttered open reveling the brown eyes that were once hidden. His hair was a curly mess but it suited him. He looked at me and smiled which I returned back. “Hi.” I chuckled. “Hi.” He smiled. “Well, I guess its time to get up. I’ll make breakfast.” He said as he turned back around. He got up and got dressed and I did the same. He walked out of the room but not before mumbling something. “What did I do?” He sighed sounding sad but continued walking. “What was that?” I call after him not understanding the words that were being spoken. “Oh, uh nothing.” He smiled. But, I could tell it was not a genuine smile.  I didn’t think much of it and started to walk towards my phone. I had 4 texts from Tyler and 1 from Jenna. I clicked Tyler and the first message was….., T: So, Like can you keep it down please? T: This is really weird. T: Jenna and I are just gonna ya know go. T: Wait, this is my house. I laughed and then I clicked Jenna’s name. J: We left. See you in the morning. I guess. Okay, then. I set my phone down and walked into the kitchen where Josh was. —————-

I was sick, once again. I personally hate being sick. I don’t know why you would like it but hey, I don’t judge. Anyways, Jenna knew I was sick an insisted on helping even though I denied her tons of time. I think I’m fine, I’ll just throw up and go on with my day. I think its nothing but a stomach bug nothing more. (We all know where this is going. Typical. Haha)

“I think we should go to the store and get ya know, a test.” Jenna smiled nervously and looked over her shoulder. My eyes go wide as she said those words. “You really think that.. I-I’m p-” I cut myself off with the sudden realization that comes to mind.

—————– Okay, I’m going to make a part two of this and I’m really sorry but I just want to get something up and so I decided to just make a really long part two. So, I have been working on this other writing and wanted to give you a little peek of what’s to come. Breathing was getting harder and harder as time passes by for Tyler. He knew he had to tell Josh. He knew that it was going to break him. He knew that he didn’t have long. But, one thing he didn’t know, was how Josh was going to act. Tyler was scared, fiddling with his thumbs while looking at the rain that was pouring outside, setting the scene. As if the weather was planned for this exact moment. He was going to tell Josh, it was only a matter of time. Josh was like a metaphoric angel to Tyler. Josh was the only thing that Tyler truly loved and Josh returned that back to Tyler. They loved each other and that’s all that mattered. Not all people would agree with them being together but they kept quite because even they could tell how in love they were. For awhile it was amazing, some may say it was too good to be true, and it was. Sadly, it was. For what once was peaceful and loving would soon be shattered by the thing that had no cure. Just because it had no cure does not mean that there was no hope. Even Tyler himself had hope, him being the one the who was most effected. br>   Yes it’s a Joshler writing.   That was just a little taste.    

[acoolguyscoollife]

Chapter 14: Ready? Fight!

For our first actual team fight against something, I had to say, it felt like it was going pretty well right up until the glass shards. With a screech out of its eldritch-looking mouth, the windows shattered into many dangerous looking pieces, which of course he controlled telepathically to send flying towards us. Tabitha covered herself, Aki and her father, and Seth with a bubble of energy propelled from her hands at the last second, while Amy and I just had to run, each effort at bringing up the floor for a makeshift barrier barely making it a few inches off the ground. She was getting tired, despite how effortlessly she had acted before, most of her energy having been lost blocking the King inside in the first place. A shadowy tendril shot out in our path, and Amy dropped to a slide, which looked incredibly painful on the knees. With barely any time to react, I couldn’t do anything but bring up my sword and slash through it, using my momentum to carry me through the attack, severing the limb from the rest of the body and coating me in a generous helping of icky stuff. The creature screamed again, and the glass shards dissolved, my ears ringing with the attack. Multiple eyes had sprouted along its body now, which served as little more than targets for Seth to shoot out. I watched him as he fired at them, grouping shots three at a time to each eye, then reloading when he had to. A tendril swung from above, and he dodged out of the way, reminding me of where exactly I was right now, and I narrowly missed being hit by a tendril aimed at me.

“If anyone has one of those attacks that the heroes do in movies at the end of a fight, where you wonder why they don’t do it sooner, now would be a good time to do it!” I called out, while glancing at everyone else. Each expression was blank, as if expecting one of the others to be the one to have that attack. I saw Seth attempt to speak, before being cut off by another screech from the monster, as small flying creatures came out of its mouth. One flew at me, quickly stopped by a slash from the Cobatana, but once again showering me in ick.

“What do we know about this guy?” Seth repeated, and I had to think back to the game version. While there were most definitely differences, I didn’t know for certain what they were, and it was better to operate as if we were in the same circumstances.

“It’s mostly endurance, he eventually gives us an opening to attack with!” I said, after some deliberation. “We need to get above him somehow, usually the attack is done from the top of the castle because he’s fought outside!” Once again, the difference between the game and real life got in the way. I jumped over one of the tendrils, hoping that Amy would be able to handle herself, before ducking under another. I was noticing more about the creature’s changes now, with the long appendages now having faces at the end of them, sharp-teethed and very bitey. One snapped at me, and I drove my sword through its face, narrowly missing being bitten by it. It began to recoil, pulling me and the sword with it, but Tabitha’s fire cut through it, engulfing the entire creature in a shield of fire. Amy took this moment to run across to the rest of us, the brief reprieve in fighting giving us a second to regroup.

“How long do we have to do this for?” Aki asked, and I couldn’t do anything but shrug. It felt like we’d been fighting for hours at this point, but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. The fight in the game went on for a while, but I’d never timed it then, since who would count the seconds while playing a game normally?

“The core of the creature is in there, and over time, it gets exposed. When it does, we launch everything we have at it. We’ll need someone to run a distraction to stop it from closing early, holding it apart in two pieces by dividing its attention.” I said, and Seth stepped forward.

“We’ll split into two teams. Me, Aki’s father, and Tabitha will stick to one side, while the rest stay on the other. Aki and her father will run the distractions when the core opens, and we’ll use a full-frontal assault. Any questions?” He finished, and Aki raised her hand.

“Do you always take over the tactical stuff?” She asked, and Seth grinned.

“Oh yes!” Seth fired off a shot at the creature, which Tabitha took as the signal for her to drop the shield holding it in. The teams split up, taking each side of the room and attacking any point of the creature we could. Amy’s new method of attack was to create whatever kind of throwable weapon she could, which didn’t seem to do too much, but I was okay with her saving her power. It wasn’t like I could do much better with a limited-range weapon like a sword. Though, I had to admit, this thing sliced through the King like butter, though I wouldn’t want to spread him on my toast in the morning. Or afternoon, or evening. Basically, any time of the day that I would have toast. After all, why should warm bread be confined to only one time of the day?

“Aki, what’s your distraction plan?” I called out, trying to distract myself from what I was fighting, and also from my trailing thoughts. Glancing over at her, I saw exactly what her plan was, as she ran along one of the creature’s limbs deftly and gracefully, not even showing a hint of losing her balance. The limb turned, but she didn’t, propelling herself off of it and extending an arm to catch it with her claws. Aki swung around the limb with her claws dragging through it, flipping back up to where she started like a gymnast, though I imagine in a gymnastic environment, they wouldn’t normally end up severing a limb with the force of their landing. Though then again, I’d not seen much of gymnastics. Maybe it was way higher stakes than I thought. Despite every removed tendril, nothing felt like it was changing, the King acting like a hydra and just sprouting more limbs every time it lost one, which totally felt like cheating, but I was pretty sure he wouldn’t take kindly to being called out on it. What I could only assume was now the head of the creature opened up for another scream, and, very briefly, I saw the flash of light that was tell-tale to a video game weak point. A shrill whistle, and the others caught on to what I was talking about. Aki’s father took off running one way, and Aki herself went another, with the creature’s following eyes causing it to begin to pull apart. The light became more visible, and I knew this was the time to attack.

“Now!” Tabitha said, punctuating her words with a fireball bigger than herself, manifested from a snap of her fingers and a wave of her arm towards the King. Seth’s bullets struck it over and over, and Amy sent a piece of the ground through it, sharp as a spike. Despite everything, I knew it wasn’t going to be enough. The creature was still attacking. I had to move quickly, before…

“Dad!” Aki’s voice screamed out, and I already knew I was too late. I didn’t even want to look, but I couldn’t do anything but, my body in autopilot. A tendril of shadow, sharp and deadly, had impaled him. One end was coated in blood, and his face was frozen, still in the stage of exertion that comes from running. The limb retracted, and he fell to the ground. I could feel my hand clenching involuntarily, knuckles white as I clutched the sword. The whole idea of being a Cool Guy was an attempt at being calm, funny, and unemotional. But I was pissed.

“Amy, I need platforms, now!” I said, and she caught on quick to what I was trying to do. “Seth, Tabitha, stop the attacking!” The gunfire and fire-fire ceased, and I started running towards the core. The floor became steps as I ran, crude and wobbly, but enough for me to gain enough height to leap off the last one, towards the pulsating mass of blackness. I brought the sword down, slashing wildly as I fell towards the core. The sword stabbed directly into it, stopping my momentum for a moment as the creature’s body began to shift to try and hide it. All it did was give me a foothold to drive the sword further into it, before twisting and pulling it out through the side of it. The creature let out a scream that, at this distance, felt like it was splitting my head. I could see the core was destroyed, which was my last sight as my vision was covered by dark liquid, oozing over my face as the body swallowed me.

 “Bluh.” It was all I could think to say. “Holy shit, that was gross.” Okay, maybe I had a bit more to say. The monster was dead, mostly dissolved away at this point, but the remnants of black goo were still on me, despite my best attempts at shaking it off. I tried standing up, but I was almost thrown off balance by Amy grabbing me tightly, both swearing and crying slightly.

“Don’t do that again, assface.” She muttered, and I kinda felt bad. I knew I wasn’t going to die, because of the way the boss worked, but it definitely looked like I had from the outside. Unfortunately, the mention of my death fake-out only served to remind me of Aki’s father. She was with him, holding his head up on her lap, kneeling next to him. After Amy let go of me, I joined her, and the two of us sat in silence for a while. Her father looked at peace, and I hoped for his sake that he got it. He had helped his people, and had ran forwards instead of away. If it hadn’t been for him, we might not have succeeded.

“Do you know, he asked me to take over as queen?” Aki said, finally. I looked over at her, and she was half-smiling, despite her tears. “What an idiot.” She shook her head in disbelief. “Could you imagine, me ruling over all of them? I’m barely 20 years old!” She added with a chuckle, but the smile was starting to fade. I put my arm around her, letting her fall into a hug as her laughter turned into sobbing.

 “I want to come with you.” Aki said, which caught me off guard. We had been gearing up to leave, having spent a few days here making sure that everyone was recovering, so I had spent a while talking to her. Not once had she brought this up.

“Aki, I don’t know…” I began, but she cut me off.

“Hear me out, okay?” Aki basically pleaded, and I looked over at Tabitha, who just stared me down. Guess this was my call. “I know mutants aren’t common in your world, but I don’t plan on going outside. Hell, I just want to see other worlds altogether, not just change the world I live in.”

“What about your people?” Seth asked, gesturing to the crowds of people behind us.

“I don’t think they need me. What they need right now is time to heal.” Aki said. While she wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t sure how leaving would help with the situation. “If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t know about my purpose here. At least with you guys, I can try and find a reason to keep going.”

“And what if you decide that you want to go home?” Amy asked. Aki raised an eyebrow, or at least, I think she did. Fur all over her made it hard to tell.

“There’s nothing stopping you from bringing me back, is there?” Aki said, though not in a tone that suggested she would care if she couldn’t come back. At this point, we could only turn to Tabitha for answers.

“Not particularly. It’d be a pain in the ass, and a little annoying after having helped you, but I get the feeling this wouldn’t have stopped you either way.” Tabitha was barely paying attention to the conversation, instead typing on her wrist again.

“That settles it, then!” Aki said, moving to the rest of us.

“It does?” I said to myself, but it didn’t matter now. Aki was right in the middle of the group, arms around us, as Tabitha hit the button to send us back to our own world.

[starfreightersays-blog]

Alien: Covenant

Spoilers ahead.

Alien Covenant is a sequel to Prometheus, which are both prequels to the original Alien film made in 1979. Prometheus was said to explain the space jockey’s from the first film, however, most people were disappointed with the result since it didn’t answer any of the questions from the first film and instead created more questions which confused most people. Because of this I had hoped that Alien: Covenant would answer these questions and set us up with the origins of the Derelict ship in the first film.

The film starts off with David’s ‘birth’, Peter Weyland, and we get an idea of David’s superiority complex as he’s already asking, ‘who made you?’ to his creator and pointing out that he will out-live him. We are then taken to the Covenant, a colony ship on its way to a planet to start a new civilization. Suddenly, a solar flare hits the ship while the solar sails are out causing several of the colonists to die as well as the Captain of the crew. Other than the flat screens and holograms, which bother me because of the inconsistency with the originals big chunky cathode ray TV’s, I was happy with this start. It shows the isolation of space which sets up a good atmosphere for the film.

We then follow the crew as they attempt to fix the solar sails. Other than everything sounding like it’s underwater rather than breathing this part is fine, there are only very nitpicking criticisms. When Tennessee (Danny McBride) is returning to the airlock a transmission strikes him as he is outside the ships signal blocking influence. Once back on the ship the crew inspect the transmission and they find that it is coming from a planet which looks like it was made for humans. When they clear up the transmission Tennessee points out that is clearly ‘Take me home country roads’, one of my favorite points in the movie. Since this planet is much closer than their destination the newly appointed captain decides to check it out.

They arrive at the planet and find that there’s a large ion storm so they make their first stupid decision, like impatient children they just go in anyway despite knowing that the storm will affect communications between the ground team and the mothership. This seems like a ridiculous idea seeing as they know hardly anything about this planet and there is a mysterious human transmission where there shouldn’t be any humans.

When they land on the surface and straight away step out without any helmets. I thought they were stupid in Prometheus taking off their helmets at all, but here they don’t even bother! But we see that they have lots of guns, so who needs helmets, am I right? They now realise that communications aren’t great with the mothership but they decide ‘Hell, let’s go on an adventure!’. I wouldn’t have such a problem with this if they used their common sense later in the film but they never find it so I feel they deserve all their mistakes pointing out.

As they make their way towards the mysterious transmission they find wheat growing, like actual Earth wheat. One guy seems to realise the craziness of this but everyone else just seems to brush it off. And in case you’re wondering, they don’t explain why there’s Earth plants. The team goes all Scooby-Doo and they split up as a scientist and her bodyguard go off to do some good sciencing, which makes sense, she’s doing a better job than most of them! She starts collecting samples when her bodyguard says he needs to take a leak, which turns out to mean ‘I need to go smoke a dubey’. He then proceeds to step on what, to me after playing a lot of Zelda, looks like it could only be a hearty truffle so I’m going to refer to it as such. After stepping on the hearty truffle it releases these spores which are reminiscent of the black goo from Prometheus. These spores apparently have a mind of their own and fly into the guys ear and burrow into his skin.

Elsewhere, the rest of the crew have found the source of the transmission: a crashed engineer ship, the very one we saw Shaw and David leave in at the end of Prometheus. When entering the ship one of the guys (wheat guy I believe) finds and starts poking a hearty truffle which leads to him getting a face full of the spores. But he’s like ‘I’m cool’, and they carry on inside the ship. They get to the cockpit where one of the guys accidently activates a hologram recording of an undiscernible Shaw sending the transmission, even though last time David needed an understanding of the alien language to activate a similar function. But hey, at this point I’m still pretty interested and have hopes that we will soon find out what happened to David and Shaw.

We then go back to science-lady and her bodyguard where he’s not looking so good. They decide to head back to the ship and the others decide to do the same. The science lady and her companion are almost at the ship when he throws up blood on her face, which should been kinda disgusting but it was just funny to me. They are then taken to the med-bay which is very poorly placed up lots of stairs and walkways.

Once in the room the dropship pilot examines the poor guys back which is now doing pretty disturbing things, when his back stuff just pops on her face! She, like any normal person, decides that’s enough of this shit for her and she locks the guy and the scientist in the med bay and runs off to tell her husband, Tennessee. Following this the guy with the ear spores starts wobbling violently until a ‘backburster’ pops out in a pretty gruesome manner. On the floor lies a small pasty alien looking thing which unlike the original chestburster doesn’t flee but takes on a human straight up and mauls the science lady but not before she slips on the pool of blood from the creature’s birth. The pilot returns with a shotgun, because creepy alien babies need to be killed, and she runs in the room where, like a slapstick comedy, she slips on the gore and shoots the ceiling. I mean one person slipping was funny but two is hysterical, especially when they’re trying to scare you. The woman then tries to shoot the baby but keeps missing until she shoots the explosive red barrels that someone carelessly left lying around in a med-bay.

The ship then explodes just as the rest of the crew arrive so that her husband, the Captain, can see her burning body collapse. At this point it feels like these people are having the worst day imaginable and you’ve just got to just laugh as bad things just happen one after another. But remember, wheat guy also had some spores! Although instead of the baby coming out the back, this time he just vomits it up and it runs away. I just want to point out at this point that these creatures have been developing for a maximum of 2 hours and in that time they’ve gone from spores to something the size of a small cat…that’s crazy, but let’s continue.

The crew then set up a camp for the night when they are attacked by the two pasty alien like creatures which have been called neomorphs. The attack begins when one of the neomorphs sneaks up on Daniels and is saved by Walter, the android of the Covenant who is identical physically to David, as he sacrifices his hand for her. The two creatures then go crazy on the crew and some people get killed, but you don’t really care because you only know a couple of them and it’s really dark anyway, so who cares - Death! Excitement! The crew then manages to shoot one of the creatures but the other is scared off by a signal flare which is shot into the sky by a mysterious figure in a cloak. The figure tells them to follow him so they do because he helped them. Daniels must go back for the Captain though as whilst all of this was happening he was still standing by the dropship wreckage crying about his dead wife. I mean I’m just saying, if these neomorph were anything like the original alien then I think they would have silently taken out the guy on his own who’s oblivious to everything around him rather than bumrushing a whole group of dudes with guns, but since these neomorphs seem less intelligent and more feral, I’ll let it slide.

The mysterious figure leads the crew into what appears to be an engineer structure since there are lots of black fossilized bodies around the place. Someone asked whether the neomorph will be able to get in too and the figure reassures them that it can’t. Everybody seems cool with this despite there not being any proper doors or anything. The figure then reveals himself to be David with grown his hair, which I didn’t realise was possible or necessary for an android but who am I to judge Mr Weyland. He reveals that their ship accidently deployed the black goo and in the confusion the ship crashed, killing Shaw! Now at this point I’m really bummed. Firstly because at the end of Prometheus Shaw asked the question ‘why did the engineers create then try to kill us?’ which I think is a good question to ask since it doesn’t make much sense, I mean you don’t make a sandwich then seconds later want to throw it out for no good reason! The second thing that annoyed me was the off-screen death of Shaw. I hate offscreen deaths, especially between films, it’s like Hick’s and Newt dying at the start of Alien cubed, it just feels like a cheap way to get rid of a character who they didn’t have room for.

The crew tries to contact the Covenant but can’t get through the ion storm, which they should have thought about before running onto the planet with guns blazing. At this point, Tennessee is worried about his wife so takes the Covenant in closer to the storm to see if he can contact the rest of the crew because he’s understandably panicky about his wife, who he last heard screaming in horror.

The next part gets a bit weird since David teaches Walter how to play a flute, and although it sounds very strange it seems to fit in with the rest of the film. David then shows Walter the devastation of the city and reveals in a flashback that he purposely released the black Goo onto the engineers and the he supposedly loved Shaw, which is weird. I’d like to point out now that the black goo which supposedly weaponizes life just turned the engineers to burnt looking corpses, which makes what it does even more confusing. I would also like to note how the engineers are just as stupid as the humans since they allowed a warship which carried world destroying black goo to reach the surface despite it being missing for so long and the fact they didn’t even check to see if there were any engineers on board either. So maybe David killed them because they just lack common sense! However, we never do find out why David suddenly decides genocide is what he wants for the engineers. David is disappointed by Walter and for some weird reason he decides to kiss Walter and then kill him, which is actually the scariest part of the film because damn Walter’s creepy android face as he dies!

While David’s with Walter the other, now fully, grown neomorph sneaks into the building through an open window, which isn’t really surprising, and it decapitates some woman who, if I’m honest, I didn’t recognise. David then finds the neomorph and tries to befriend the creature. The Captain sees this display and shoots the neomorph, because you know, it’s already killed people. The Captain then shows some more initiative and asks David for answers. David leads him to a laboratory where we see similar neomorphs that have been dissected. David explains that he’s been studying the black goo and perfecting the life it created. Now at this part any normal person would take out David cause he’s being a crazy man but the Captain just plays along which leads to the most ridiculous part of the film. David says he’ll show the Captain the results of his experiment as he leads him to a room full of alien eggs. And the Captain is still pretty chill, it’s like he completely forgot about what the pasty aliens were like. One of the eggs then open and David says ‘look! It’s perfectly safe I assure you’, why this man trusts this guy nobody will ever know but next thing we know…there’s a facehugger on the guy.

Now at this point Tennessee is way too close to the ion storm but it pays off since the crew get a message through and Tennessee prepares an industrial crane thing to pick the crew up since they only had one dropship on such a big ship (makes sense right). Anyway, some time passes, like 5 minutes maybe, the Captain wakes up and immediately a chestburster pops out! Usually this takes several hours but Alien: Covenant doesn’t care. What’s more is the chestburster isn’t the pasty worm like creature that we are familiar with, but for some reason it’s just a really small alien which looks like a cross between an alien and Baby Groot.

Now the rest of the crew go looking for all the missing people and they find David’s laboratory along with what looks like Shaw’s dissected body. They go into the room with the eggs and unlike the Captain, they realise that they should probably start running. However, one of the guys gets a facehugger latched onto him but luckily before it gets on properly his friend cuts it off, causing him to get acid on his face! Unfortunately, his hero friend pulls the short straw as he gets ambushed by a fully-grown alien…. that’s right, in the space of like 5 minutes a tiny Baby Groot Alien grows to 7 foot! Ridley Scott just disregards the other movies and just reduces the alien’s growth from egg to full size to about 10 minutes, I swear it takes longer than this in the AVP movies! At least the alien is acting right its hiding and waiting to ambush but this doesn’t make up for everything else that has happened.

While this is happening David and Daniels are fighting and, suddenly, David kisses Daniels! Was David really horny after being alone for 10 years? It really makes no sense. But Daniels is saved at the last moment by Walter who, being an upgrade from David, has a self-repair function and knows his moves! This leads to a pretty cool fight between two Michael Fassbenders as Daniels makes her escape. As the two fight, we see Walter on top about to finish David, yet before we see him finish it we’re shown David’s hand reaching for a knife…and the scene cuts, totally not insinuating anything.

Tennessee reaches the surface just in time for everyone to get on board. Those people being Burny face guy, Daniels and now David who is dressed like Walter who I guess we’re supposed to think is Walter but after not showing a death and David going for the knife it’s pretty obvious what’s happened. As the dropship takes off the alien manages to get on board. Daniels being a badass decides to take it on. What follows is some crazy antics and flying action where Daniels is being tossed around in ways which would kill most humans and the alien being crushed in a crane jaw thing.

They return to the ship and everybody is happy and nobody checks Walter despite him being identical to David who is a crazy android who wants to kill everyone. They patch up burny face guy with some playdoh and relax…But wait! It’s not over, the alarms go off since they detect an unknown lifeform on the ship. A strange piece of technology which would have been useful in Aliens so they could have known about that Queen sneaking on-board but hey I hear technology gets worse in the future. Anyway, Daniels and Tennessee go to investigate, only to find burny face guy all dead and chestbursted. Once again, this film can’t even keep to its own canon of gestation time since this guy would have had the alien in him for at least 30 minutes or maybe even an hour! What’s more, this guy never was properly facehugged. The facehugger needs to knock you out in order to get the eggs inside you since otherwise you’d throw them up, and not only that but as we’ve seen in all the alien films (including this one), the facehugger takes time to implant the eggs it can’t do it in a couple of seconds! But anyway, the super helpful computer knows where the alien is heading which is towards the only other crew left, who are having a shower at this point. We then see them get snuck up on by a fully-grown alien who takes them out. I think if this scene was somewhere else it would be great perfect sneaky alien and a good way to sneak up on people. I mean I can kinda justify the fact they didn’t hear the alarms, but this one scene can’t save a whole movie. Enough of the praising because I’m not sure if you notice but the alien has grown up even faster this time, it’s gone from chestburster to 7-foot alien in about 2 minutes or 3 at the max, and presumably without eating! Either that was one heavy baby or these aliens are just balloons that just puff themselves up after they pop out.

Anyway, Daniels and Tennessee find the carnage and Daniels has a plan. They lure the alien to the terraforming bay and trap it in a truck to send it out the back into space. Once again, if not for the rest of the film this would have been cool, but it’s not over yet of course. Tennessee gets put into hyper sleep and as Walter puts Daniels in her pod she finally figures out that it’s actually David, but it’s too late.

David then proceeds to go to an embryo holding tray and reguritates up a couple of baby facehuggers trapped in bouncy balls….no joke. Tiny facehuggers that can fit in your palm and incased in a clear sack. I mean at this point I want to exclaim “what are these…Facehuggers for ants?!” because this is just ridiculous. And talking about these facehuggers, why can’t the omnipotent ship computer not detect them or for that matter detect David not being Walter? So to end it we’re left questioning what will happen next, and also, for me at least, how did you screw it up so bad?

So, I want to summarise some of the main problems with this film. Firstly, everyone is really stupid, they need better scientists in the future. Secondly, David’s motives are never explained, what made him so crazy on the way to the engineer planet that he killed Shaw and committed genocide on a whole species. Thirdly, they completely screwed up the alien’s life cycle by shortening its growth to minutes which makes it unrealistic even for a sci-fi. And relating to that they made the once mysterious and ancient creature a product of a human creation since humans created David who created the aliens. Fourthly, it contradicts the other films, I was a cheesed off when the engineer’s elephant faces turned out to be masked but this time they actually change the lore. Now the ‘fossilised’ space jockey from the first film is less than 20 years old and for some reason is carrying eggs created by David, it doesn’t make much sense at all. Also it contradicts the painting we saw in Prometheus of an alien in the dreadnaught, the alien skull in Predator 2 and the AVP films (although they’re awful they’re still pretty fun) not to mention it strips the aliens of their mystery and did I mention those eggs on LV-426 must have been there less than 20 years! And the last problem is the technology being more advanced than it is in the future, but only diehard fans of alien will understand my pain.

This film could have been so great! For example, if David had found the eggs in a lock up on the planet, it would have kept some mystery. When David and Walter were fighting, they could have made us actually think David was killed so that the reveal would have actually been good.

I don’t just criticise it for no reason, I want to criticize it so Ridley Scott will make a worthy Alien prequel, hell in my opinion Prometheus was better than Alien Covenant since it didn’t have repercussions for the entire alien universe!