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aftgficrec · 1 year

Note

Can you post fics where Andrew and Neil argue but make up in the end?

Enjoy this walk through andreil feels, anon. The previous asks mentioned lead to a bunch more asks and fics. -A

also see:

andreil arguing here

new andreil breakup/make-up here

fave break up and make up here

andreil or jerejean kiss & make-up here

miscommunication leading to near-breakups here

angst w/happy ending: miscommunication or pining here

andreil enemies to lovers 2 here

Andrew makes Neil cry here

Neil snaps ‘not nothing’ here

‘quicksand’ here

‘low quay, no pressure’ here

‘transience’ here

‘transmission’ here

‘Tumblr Headcanons - Andreil’ Ch 11 & 12 here

‘Neil worried that Andrew cheated’ here

‘Home for Christmas’ here

‘Wake Up to Your Sunset’ here (completed)

‘All I Wanted’ here

‘Some Kind of Disaster’ here

‘I’m Not Dead Yet’ here

‘Can Nobody Hear Me (I cannot breathe)’ here (completed)

‘nice to see your face again’ and ‘Dawn Won't End the Night’ (updated) here

‘please come back, save me from myself,’ ‘ghostin',’ and ‘I ran out of every reason’ here

‘but i don't think i can ever learn how to love just right’ here

‘Shared Custody’ and ‘Shared Custody (The Blame the Cat Remix)’ here

if you really love nothing by seasy33 [Rated M, 39713 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew finds an interesting piece of paper. He's not quite sure how he feels about it.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: flashbacks, tw: alcohol

Undefined Roommates Code by Helpisneeded [Rated E, 56760 Words, Incomplete, Updated Oct 2022]

Punching your roommate is not a very smart idea. Starting a friends with benefits relationship with said roommate is an even worse one. Setting up a string of rules to keep it purely physical and make sure you don’t catch feeling but catching them anyways is certainly the stupidest thing you could do in that situation. Luckily for Neil, he never claimed to be smart.

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced suicidal tendencies

Regrowth by Mystrana [Rated E, 4836 Words, Complete, 2021]

It goes like this: Neil's giving therapy a chance. He's dealing with every emotion he's ever pushed down trying to leak back up. When he gets hurt during a game, Andrew gets upset and they get into an argument. And then Andrew apologizes. A fic in which Andrew and Neil work on healing together and cry and have the softest sex in the world.

tw: explicit sexual content

An intimate moment with someone you hate by krasmataz [Rated E, 7414 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil and Andrew have their first fight after trying something new in the bedroom. Hope they figure it out before they destroy too much school property!

tw: implied/referenced self-harm, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced suicidal tendencies

over/under by likearecord [Rated E, 9506 Words, Complete, 2023]

He’d thought Neil, with his smart mouth and his wild eyes, would be satisfied with what Andrew was offering. He guesses he’d thought Neil was used to living on scraps—and Andrew has never had anything meatier to give. He’d been wrong.

tw: explicit sexual content

Only Fools Fall. by Random2002 [Rated T, 19789 Words, Incomplete, Updated Feb 2023]

Neil tests how faithful his clients partners are. Roland is a client; he's worried about his boyfriend. It isn't long until Neil notices some serious rifts in the relationship he is meant to test.

tw: child abuse

Cold Cookies by Preludeno3 [Rated M, 11583 Words, Incomplete, Updated Jan 2023, Locked]

It starts off as an abstract, incomplete thought. Andrew’s on his knees on the rug in his Columbia bedroom, going to town on Neil’s dick. Or Andrew wants to try face fucking, trauma is a bitch and Neil is almost too understanding

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

First fight by Olympyas [Not Rated, 3265 Words, Complete, 2023]

"There is no this, you are nothing and nothing doesn't exist." It hurt. A lot. Especially when you spent the whole day feeling like nothing. So he wanted to hurt Andrew in return. He wanted to get, even the slightest, reaction from him. "Well, at least you can't hurt 'nothing' like you destroy everything around you." —hurt him— "You'll still run away like the rabbit you are. Tell me, Nathaniel, why are you staying?" Neil hated this name in Adrew's mouth "For nothing. I shouldn't have stayed in the first place." And he left.

tw: panic attacks, tw: violence, tw: assault, tw: attempted rape/noncon

A Substitute For Please by cadkitten [Rated E, 1911 Words, Complete, 2018]

Please is a word built to make things easy and life has never been easy for either of them. Please is meant to smooth things over, but they're all rough edges. Please is a final ditch effort when hope is lost and, Neil, he knows there's still hope here.

tw: ptsd, tw: depression, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: alcohol

NB: find more about Nicky’s state of mind here

To Be Close With You Is To Be Close With Myself by jostenskeys [Rated E, 20359 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew has always been a protector at heart despite how often he bullies Neil for his martyr complex. The summer before Neil's second year, however, he begins to feel the impacts of his life finally crash down on him just as they were finally safe from harm. Andrew fights with himself and doesn't know how he can help. But he soon realises, in order for him to help Neil, he needs to help himself too. Or The Convincing-Neil-To-Get-Therapy Chronicles. Written by Andrew Minyard and edited by Betsy Dobson.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: self harm, tw: urge to self harm, tw: blood, tw: suicidal ideation, tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: depression

Stay series by jaydreamz [Rated M/T, Collection with 2 complete works, Updated Nov 2021]

Part 1: Was Sorta Hopin' That You'd Stay [M, 25740 Words] Neil and Andrew have HATED each other since an incident in college. They really, really do. The Minyard-Josten rivalry is not a sham. But now Andrew's transferring to Neil's team and all hell is about to break loose.

tw: alcohol, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: explicit sexual content

Part 2: Before I Hated You [T, 5974 Words] Before the Minyard-Josten rivalry was on, there was something else entirely. *** Andrew and Neil's first meeting in college that ended up starting the feud between them.

Bittersweet by Mercey [Rated M, 8370 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021]

‘Why would Neil want to be with someone who can’t even care for him the right way? Why would he want that life for himself? He’s not a runaway anymore, he’s not so desperate for affection that he’ll settle for my meagre offerings, and good for him. It’s better that way.’ Andrew's spiralling with graduation coming up, and beginning to question the very foundations upon which he and Neil are built.

tw: depression

Hold Each Other by exactly13percent_OLD (hymbeaux) [Collection Rated T/E, Complete, 2018]

Chapter 12: Stranger [T, 2854 Words] Sometimes, love comes easily. That's the problem.

I took a breath and took the knife by eeveepkmnfan [Rated M, 2271 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew and Neil argue. Or, Neil is still struggling through the aftereffects of being drugged. Andrew is forced to confront the consequences of that decision.

tw: transphobia, tw: implied/referenced sexual assault, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced involuntary drug use, tw: ptsd

Spring Cleaning with a Man on the Lam by SugarLime [Rated G, 2240 Words, Complete, 2019]

Neil glared at the wrapper Andrew had tossed on the floor next to his chair. He stalked over with a nasty frown and leveled a glare at Andrew. Andrew met his glare with an empty expression. “What?” He asked, following Neil’s gaze as it tuned to the discarded wrapper, “it’s a wrapper,” he said wisely. His gut did a small flip as he tried to figure out why his boyfriend was mad.

I Won't Be Home For The Rest Of The Night by CasTheButler [Not Rated, 1039 Words, Complete, 2017]

Neil and Andrew have a fight, Neil learns to let someone new in.

Stars and Moons by sonyathefairy [Rated G, 1111 Words, Complete, 2017]

Neil ponders about the stars and his fight with Andrew. Or in which they both realise that they can't live without the other anymore.

Where We Belong by conniptionns [Rated T, 1374 Words, Complete, 2017]

prompt: andrew and neil get into this huge fight while andrew is driving so he tells neil to get out the car and walk the rest of the way.

Still here by theresnothis [Rated T, 2779 Words, Complete, AFTG Summer Exchange 2022]

After a fight with Andrew, Neil ran off into the night (but he would go back). Andrew found him and of course with Neil’s luck a robbery would occur.

flashes of intimacy by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, Collection, Complete, 2023]

Chapter 3: conflict resolution [385 Words] Chapter 4: space [507 Words]

tw: mild self harm

Chapter 16: picking fights [554 Words]

tw: mild self harm

“I don’t want your pity, I want your absence.” by markonasurface (idwir) [Not Rated, 1627 Words, Complete, 2018]

After the freshmen find out about Neil and Andrew, a terrible practice leads to Neil saying things he shouldn’t.

tw: involuntary outing, tw: homophobia, tw: scars, tw: anxiety attack, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: victim shaming, tw: self harm

“So much for not getting involved.” by markonasurface (idwir) [Not Rated, 769 Words, Complete, 2020]

“I don’t want your pity, I want your absence.” pt 2

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa

“don’t call me that”-andreil prompt fill by @markonasurface [Tumblr, 2017]

Neil heard the door to the roof open and knew it was Andrew. Annoyance flooded his chest and he had the overwhelming urge to hit him. Instead he lit another cigarette and let Andrew pluck it from his fingers even though he hadn’t offered it to him.

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compassionatereminders · 4 months

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/theygender/750672176328425472

First, that was an important and valuable lesson for me to know. I was hit with the realization that I've been doing it more often than not.

My ex (fake) bestie. I will never, ever absolve myself of how shitty of a friend I was to her, even if it wasn't totally purposeful or malicious but rather idiotic.

However, instead of her saying anything that can be interpreted as a CLEAR ENOUGH signal of "look. this is too much. Step down.", she decided to slander me behind my back (while treating me like the best person ever to my face), until she got sick of me enough to stab me in the back under the guise of a rightful accusation that she's been bottling up because of her problems with saying no.

I cared about her so much, and now I despise her. She preached this exact same lesson in the post when I thought we were friends. In that context, it's that fucked up.

In other words, she WAS that 1/10 I was too unfortunate to meet. That's why I've had trust issues, and yes, me having trouble not panicking when I get told that I'm hurting someone is a symptom of that. In addition to me struggling with ADHD emotional dysfunction and RSD all my life.

I guess there is nuance; sometimes people have actual reasons for having a hard time with that. It's certainly no excuse for not trying, but that I'd like my struggles to be recognized and accounted for and respected accordingly, not invalidated in an ableist way, even as/because I'm making the effort.

Well, I have quite a rap sheet of things I've done to others I'm not proud of, and from my experience, remorse is *devastating* to feel. Especially when I did the wrong thing out of ignorance and I wasn't complete aware at first, and it all of a sudden hits me that yes, I did hurt that person that badly. (Which is natural to feel, and 1000% my responsibility, not the victim's. I'm mad at myself for what I did.)

As I'm trying to be better, I have no desire whatsoever for absolution, but rather to make it right, and if I can't, just SOMEHOW find a way to live with it that doesn't crush me. I desire less pity for being guilty (because that's a sentiment that comes from absolving myself when I'm not and shouldn't be so that makes me mad) and more... faith that I can be better?

Remorse is not something to reject, it's a necessary feeling to process so you come out of the experience a better person, even if you aren't forgiven.

But then again, sometimes in the midst of it I realize I lost so much trust in myself, that I want to regain but I'm not there yet. Which is why trying feels Sisyphean, but it's the right thing to do, and a lot better than more blood on my hands because I wasn't vigilant enough.

But that was a very illuminating point, because as someone who has been hurt unintentionally before, I know very well that intent and impact don't always equal each other. I'll handle myself with more composure in such situations next time.

And it's important to note that toxic people often can't be reasoned with. So when someone says "hey here's a general tip for improving communication", there will be certain people and certain relationships where that strategy won't be applicable because it simply isn't a healthy relationship built on respect and care. So whether she hurt you or you hurt her or both of you harmed each other, it's okay to look at a post like that one you linked and know that it doesn't always work out that way

#chat with kat

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akariarda · 7 months

Text

Will you ever stop breaking my heart ,all over and over again...

Ep-4,Escape

Episode 3

Misako and Pixal are trying to escape.Garmadon finds out Misako lyed to him,and he wants revenge.

"Send them!"Garmadon ordered to Harumi."We need to find my son."

"Yes ,my emperor."Harumi bowed deeply."If we are to trust that woman at all..."

"We'll see," Garmadon said darkly."For her sake, I hope so."

******

"Pixal, are you okay?" Misako asked gently, sitting on the floor.

"I will be fine," Pixal said in her robotic voice and stood up.

"Where did Garmadon go?"

"To find Lloyd," Misako said, swallowing her saliva.

"But you lied to him..." Pixal looked at her incredulously. "It wasn't a good move to lie to him for my sake."

"Of course I wouldn't let him hurt you," Misako said to Pixal.

"But what have we gained now?" Pixal asked, feeling down. "I'm a nindroid, I don't feel pain like you humans, and he certainly wouldn't hurt you severely."

"He has already broken my heart many times, and I had to watch him do the same to our son. That's worse than any physical injury he can inflict on me."

"He will be furious when he returns." Pixal insisted.

"We need to find a way to get out of this."

"How?" Misako shouted, having lost all hope by now and clearly on the verge of a breakdown.

"You need to calm down first," Pixal tried to calm Misako by placing her hand on her shoulder, but she just stood up and shrugged it off.

"How can I calm down?" Misako asked, this time a little more calmly.

"How can I calm down when nothing is fair?" She tried her best to hold back tears, and thankfully, at least that was working.

"I have a feeling you're not talking about our current situation." Pixal asked, baffled.

"Just ignore that," Misako waved her head. "I have collected myself, and now we need to come up with something."

~~~~~~

"My emperor," Harumi approached Garmadon again.

"We found nothing."

"What do you mean nothing!" Garmadon shouted and started choking Harumi with his powers.

"You have deceived me again."

"No, my... emperor," Harumi choked. "I'm..not..the one..who. lied..to you..."

"True," Garmadon mumbled and let her go. "But I know who has."

******

"The doors are open!" Pixal exclaimed joyfully.

"I can't believe they haven't changed the codes to open the doors." Misako laughed. "Well, this was your home, of course, you can open all the doors."

"Suddenly you're in a good mood?" Pixal looked at Misako in wonder.

"How could I not be?" Misako laughed. "I finally see a glimmer of hope in all of this."

"Hurry now," Pixal warned. "Garmadon could show up any minute."

"Lead the way," Misako followed Pixal.

******

"Misako!!!!" Garmadon shouted angrily as he entered the room where he held Misako and Pixal.

"What?" He asked, seeing no one there. "How..."

"ARGH, you won't escape from me this time, Misako!" He yelled as he walked out into the hallway.

******

"Did you hear that?" Misako said in astonishment as she and Pixal ran down the stairs.

The elevator was not a reliable option.

"I did, Misako, keep running," Pixal shouted and grabbed her hand.

******

Garmadon burned with anger as he pushed through the floors.

"Not this time!"

*****

"Faster!" Misako yelled, but suddenly stopped when a silhouette appeared in front of them.

"Garmadon..." she whispered.

"Quickly!" Pixal shouted.

"Before he notices, go the other way."

*****

Garmadon couldn't help but laugh when he heard the robot's voice.

"Ah, so you are here," he murmured and locked eyes with Misako.

******

"It's too late..." Misako whispered when she and Garmadon locked eyes.

For a moment, they froze in fear, but then they both assumed a fighting position.

This time, it won't pass without a fight...

Garmadon just continued to laugh coldly.

Episode 5

#ninjago #misako montgomery garmadon #lord garmadon #emperor garmadon #pixal borg #W.E.B.#lloyd gramadon #Mentuoned #harumi

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intimidating-fettuccine · 2 years

Note

Jason with a reader who had an ex-partner who was toxic and abusive and they are still dealing with anxiety issues?

I managed to get out of a very bad relationship a short time ago, although the bad memories are still there, could I have some consolation?

I hope I can deliver you some comfort with this. I have been in this situation so many times myself, and I hope this helps you even just a little bit

Jason not only understands your pain and anxiety, but he fully validates it. He knows exactly how you feel, and he reminds you that it's only natural that you feel that way, with how your body has been trained to react. With his abusive relationship history, Jason certainly isn't perfect either, but that's not his fault, and it's not your fault that you're feeling this way either, it's something that you just can't help about yourself.

Jason always does that first and foremost, reminding you that it's okay to react in a way you feel is natural. He'll work with you, over time, to help get you out of those negatively defensive and anxious reactions, but right now, at the start, it's only natural that you have these tendencies. Jason will never yell at you, will never manipulate you, will never blame you, or point fingers at you, especially when you react poorly in a situation due to your anxiety. His voice is always low and gentle, as he tries to comfort you, tries to comfortingly talk through the situation with you so that the two of you can work together to ease your worries and anxieties in a nice, healthy way that won't leave you feeling as though you've done something wrong.

If you're ever just having a bad day you can also fully rely on him if you need to. Just go find him in his workshop and he's ready to help you in any way that he can. Whether it's taking you out on a little date or staying in with you and whipping up some desserts for you, or having you sit in his lap for some snuggles while he works away at his projects, or just laying in bed cuddled up together soaking in all that affection the two of you desperately need from each other. He'll comfort you to the best of his abilities, reassuring you that you're alright now, they can't hurt you anymore, and you'll always be safe in Jason's arms, nice and happy where he can look after you and take care of you. He loves you more than anything in the world, and he'll do whatever it takes to help you unlearn your anxiety and regain all your smiles and happy memories. He'll make it so he's the only thing filling up your mind, so that gorgeous smile of yours can remain on your face.

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta headcanons #jason the toymaker #jason the toymaker headcanon #jason the toymaker headcanons #jason the toymaker x reader

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isfjmel-phleg · 5 months

Text

@brown-little-robin replied to your post: last song listened to: "Extraordinary Machine" by...

Extraordinary machine!! Elystan!!! you will HAVE to expand on that at some point bc I know the song but am too 100% tired to grasp why it's a him song right now

Okay, so this is Book 3 Elystan.

I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes And I certainly haven't been spreading myself around

After the disastrous attempted coup he got mixed up in toward the end of Book 2, resulting in his narrowly escaping implication and his father being executed, he has retreated to his house in the country and basically become a shut-in. He stays in his room, stays in his bed, sees no one.

I still only travel by foot and by foot it's a slow climb But I'm good at being uncomfortable so I can't stop changing all the time

Not literally traveling by foot, but he has physical limitations that make navigating life difficult, but he's used to that and thereby used to adapting. He thinks he's adapting well here.

I noticed that my opponent is always on the go And won't go slow, so 's not to focus, and I notice He'll hitch a ride with any guide, as long as They go fast from whence he came

This is Delclis, whom Elystan currently regards as his mortal enemy. From Elystan's perspective, Delclis has been keeping himself so busy with the responsibilities of being king that he has no time to focus on anything that he has left behind since taking that role. And although Elystan would probably rather die than admit to himself, that would include his relationship with Elystan. Not that Delclis ever had much time to bond with Elystan even before becoming now, but now there's nothing whatsoever between them, as far as Elystan can see, and that hurts.

"Any guide" is Delclis's Prime Minister, Sir Jowan Mitchett-Scorbrook. Elystan hates this man after a traumatic thing that Sir Jowan put him through, and he thinks that Delclis both approved that incident and is on board with Sir Jowan's agenda. Which, as far as Elystan is concerned is to completely change Delclis into a ruthless king.

But he's no good at being uncomfortable, so He can't stop staying exactly the same

Elystan knows that Delclis doesn't handle pressure well, and he believes his brother is always going to retain his worst traits. He's not adaptable, not like Elystan.

If there was a better way to go then it would find me I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me

Elystan considers his response to his situation the best and most reasonable one. He is surviving, where his father tragically didn't.

Be kind to me, or treat me mean I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

And he tells himself that he doesn't care how his family treats him. He will emerge victorious. He always has.

I seem to you to seek a new disaster every day You deem me due to clean my view and be at peace and lay

The family is getting frustrated with him for stunts like the Infamous Lamplight Letter. They want him to keep his head down and stay out of the political picture, where he can't cause any trouble.

I mean to prove I mean to move in my own way and say I've been getting along for long before you came into the play

But Elystan will not be told what to do. As far as he's concerned, he's been doing this longer than Delclis (he was heir to the throne from birth, Delclis was a nobody who got the throne suddently foisted upon him).

I am the baby of the family, it happens So, everybody cares and wears the sheep's clothes While they chaperone

But because he is the youngest, the family treats him like a child (...which he still is, but don't tell him that), trying to look after him and express what he considers false concern.

Curious, you looking down your nose at me, while you appease Courteous, to try and help But let me set your mind at ease

Again, from his perspective, the family puts on a show of solicitude while holding him in contempt for what he and his father tried to do. So he sarcastically addresses them, trying to get them off his back.

Do I so worry you, you need to hurry to my side? It's very kind

This is what his mother does in "A Visit from the Murderess." He is sarcastic about what he believes is false kindness--this woman allowed his father to die, after all.

But it's to no avail; and I don't want the bail I promise you, everything will be just fine

He thinks being sent to school is his alternative to prison, and he's not on board with the idea. He has his own plans, and he can look after himself "just fine" without the family's help.

...or at least that's where my brain goes. Could be a stretch! I tend to be too prone to fit songs to whoever's been on the brain recently.

#The Blackberry Bushes #Elystan Liddick

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its-tiamat · 3 years

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Hello! Just wondering if you could do a mha headcannon where y/n is really clingy? (Like, in a cuddly sorta way.) by the way, your work is incredible and I think you have a great talent for writing! Have a great day!! :)

|| WITH A CLINGY S/O ||

The first request is here! I myself am kinda clingy, so this was embarrassingly easy to write ahahah <3 hope you'll like how it came out. Also, I added Hawks last minute because yes.

Pairings: kirishima x reader • todoroki x reader • kaminari x reader • hawks x reader

You being so clingy doesn't really bother him that much. Actually, he kinda likes to show you off.

Absentmindedly holds you close to his chest while talking to his friends.

When he's studying, he tends to focus all his attention on what he's reading to the point of not noticing his surroundings.

You like to distract him :) hug his back and talk softly to him, he may finally snap out of the page he's been staring at for the last 10 minutes.

"Kiriii"

"Huh? What?"

"I need affection huh"

"Yeah, you always do. Though I could really use a break too right now"

Bold of him to assume he will ever go back to study after your break.

You two end up cuddling on the sofa and eating chips or whatever you could find in the kitchen.

If he tries to get up, just cling to him and don't let go.

He'll lift you up and bring you around the dorms with him. It's not a rare sight, the one of him carrying you around while you're still sleepy, wrapped up in a blanket and holding food in your hands.

Mina has a collection of photos of those moments, and others sends them to her when she isn't around.

"They're at it again lmao I'm sending you the photo"

He was a bit startled by you always hugging him or asking for kisses on the cheek. As he never received or gave this much affection to people. So he does feel a bit embarrassed.

"What's wrong? did I do something? ah no. you want kisses. ok."

It's not that he doesn't like cuddles, he just forgets he can come hug you whenever he needs it.

You like to surprise hug him and to make him flustered with kisses 24/7. His face always gets a bit blushy when you kiss him.

His right cheek is always cold and his left is always warm. The center of his forehead is at the perfect kiss temperature™.

Not much of a PDA guy, especially if you're around his family. If they're around, he may even ask to tone it down a bit.

Will absolutely make up for it later when it's just you two. He wants you to know you're more important than them, but he still doesn't feel like letting his guard down with them. So for once you won't have to be the one to ask for cuddles.

"Sorry for before, I didn't want to turn you down like that. I just wasn't really in the mood. I love all the affection you give me, I swear. Can I somehow make up for it?"

You lay on top of him and he strokes your back. He may kiss the top of you head and your hands, whenever he's able to reach for them.

"Shoto can I have another kiss?"

"Certainly"

You think you are clingy? nah

This boy will change your mind. Nobody is clingier than him

If he could he would literally wrap himself around you all day long

PDA all the way

His friends get annoyed at you two being all lovey-dovey at random times. Bakugo keeps rolling his eyes into oblivion at your shenanigans

"Y/n! where are you babe?"

"Living room, darling"

"Can we cuddle?"

"Yaaaaayyy"

Even when you are in a situation in which can't goof around, somehow you're always touching each other. Holding hands, using the other as an arm rest, holding arms, sitting close on the sofa. Silently reminding yourselves you are there for each other

You have currently stolen 12 of his t-shirts and love to sleep in them, he doesn't seem to mind it

Charges your phone whenever it falls under 50%, and loves to be rewarded with kisses on the forehead

The only moment he doesn't want you around is when he's training. He's so scared of hurting you

You love to go to his training sessions and cheer for him from a safe distance

Teases you all the time

"oh come on, more kisses? You are so clingy my love"

He's actually super needy when it gets to attention, but likes to play it cool

Will gladly wrap both his wings around you, and loves when you fall asleep beneath them

You call him constantly during the day, even if you know he's out doing heroics, and he answers whenever he can

Sometimes your calls only last a few seconds, but his voice is just so soft when he talks to you

"Hey y/n! How's your day going?"

"I miss you, how long before you come home?"

"As soon as I can. Lemme just put another couple of these bad guys in jail and I'm coming home, ok?"

When he's got free time, you like to cuddle on the sofa and watch series for hours and hours

Even if you fall asleep on him he won't move, he will just send a couple of his feathers to take whatever he needs

You once slept for 5 hours and woke up with a bucket of fried chicken and his laptop on your back, and he hadn't moved at all

You kissed him and fell back asleep

masterlist

#mha headcanons #kirishima headcanons #todoroki headcanons #kaminari headcanons #hawks headcanons #kirishima x reader #todoroki x reader #kaminari x reader #hawks x reader

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under-sedationnn · 3 years

Text

the arcana: main six reacting to injured! reader

anonymous: Could u do m6 reacting to mc coming home injured? I want some hurt/comfort >:))

Warnings: talk of being injured, blood. if that bothers you or tiggers you in anyway, please scroll away! i want this to be a safe place, only :)

thanks for the request anon!! i hope you enjoy!! <3 requests for the kissing prompts and physical affection prompts are STILL OPEN. please send them in with the character of your choice (which could be any character from any series i write for) and i will create an imagine!! thanks and happy reading!!

- tries his very very best to stay calm

- you can see panic bubbling under the surface

- faust is on high alert

- slithers around your shoulders and squeezes you for a hug

- "friend! hurt!"

- doesn't immediately ask what happened, just gets you to a comfortable place to be cleaned up

- then, and only then, will he brave to ask what happened to you

- or who did this to you

- wipes the blood from your skin with very gentle swipes

- winces when you wince, and apologizes profoundly

- "Y/n, how did this happen? i thought you were just taking a quick trip to the market."

- "i fell in the market, tripped over a stone"

- "and nobody helped you?"

- in this case he's disappointed with the bystanders, but does not become angry

- in a situation where someone hurt you?

- oh god

- "Y/n, how did this happen? i thought you were just taking a quick trip to the market."

- "yeah, well, somebody had their eye on the same apple i picked up. somehow, though, they managed to push me to the ground and steal it from my hands."

- i don't even think he would know what to say

- and asra is not really the type to march out into the streets of vesuvia and seek to challenge the one who hurt you

- but he would certainly hold a grudge against whoever it was if he did find out

- and would feel absolutely awful about letting you get hurt

- his mind would race about the possibility of losing you again

- because he simply can't handle it

- and what if that person had been particularly violent or malicious? what if you had been taken??

- you'd have to comfort the hell out of him to make sure he knows that you're okay

- "asra, hey, i'm fine! i can handle myself, you know that"

- "you're right, and i know you're right. it's just hard"

- "it's still hard for me, too. the market still makes me a little nervous and i got caught a little off guard, is all"

- that would make him feel better

- would finish patching up your wounds and would make sure to bring you to julian the next day if they were too bad for him to fix or needed stitches

- would also create a special brew to help with the pain and ease you to sleep

- "why don't i go down to the market tomorrow?"

- "why? so when you pick a fight over apples, i can pay you back for all of this high quality medical treatment?"

- "well of course, surely you didn't expect all this tender love and care to be free" *wink*

- panicked doctor mode enabled

- immediately begins checking you over, asking questions

- something tells me it would be a head injury of some sort

- "oh darling, what happe- you're bleeding!"

- "julian, i'm okay! it's just a little scratch"

- "no no no you might need stitches, come sit down. i'll go get my kit!"

- there's really no use in arguing

- he has cold ass hands, so he tries to warm them up before he begins suturing the wound

- tries to be gentle, and his expert hands move quickly without any snagging

- "so, how did this happen?"

- his voice is literally trembling

- "well, i was in the clinic grabbing the list of ingredients we need for our next grocery trip and there was a puddle of... something on the floor. i slipped and hit my head on the corner of your desk"

- immediately thinks it's his fault

- like "oh shit i should have cleaned better that could have killed y/n and then what would i have done-"

- doesn't necessarily voice this, but you can tell by the silence that follows that he's feeling really guilty

- would kneel for you, head on your knees

- "y/n, i am so sorry"

- "juli, it's really okay, i should have watched where i was going"

- "i'll make sure to clean better from now on, okay?"

- would guard you throughout the night in case of concussion

- nurse juli <3

- but let's say someone had put their hands on you

- would patch you up the same way, and apologize profusely for not being there with you

- tuck you into bed and fetch mazelinka to keep an eye on you throughout the night incase of a concussion

- would most definitely be self destructive and seek that mf out

- maybe not successfully, but would try his hardest

- "i'll be back in the morning, get some rest"

- "I can find them myself if I want to, you know"

- embarrassed blush

- because he KNOWS you can take care of yourself

- "of course, but right now you're hurt. as your partner, i will do what must be done on your behalf darling"

- probably shows up the following morning with battle scars of his own

- the guards found you in the garden, passed out in the maze

- blood trickled down your arm, a large gash marking your bicep

- ran you up to the palace and immediately to the medical wing

- them]n nadia gets word

- the calm, collected queen act disappears

- abandons anything she's doing, anybody she's talking to

- "we will finish this at a different time, i have more important matters to attend to"

- she is so worried and it's honestly adorable

- very much giving "where tf are they?" energy

- god i love her so much

- anyways um

- asks the nurses over and over what happened, if you're okay, etc.

- watches the physicians and nurses like a hawk as they clean the wound and suture the cut

- and they're so intimidated lmao they never come face to face with her literally ever

- brushes your hair back from your face as they do so

- holds your hands

- would demand that you be brought to her sleeping chamber

- so that's where you wake up! how cute

- she's laying beside you, her brows furrowed

- maybe even her eyes are a little hazy

- "y/n, sweetheart, do you remember what happened?"

- patiently waits for your answer, you're still a little groggy

- you were either attacked by an animal and passed out from the fright

- or you were attacked by an armed person and was knocked out

- either way, the guards are on it

- nadia isn't letting whoever or whatever did this get away without a fight

- the palace is meant to be a safe haven for you

- for the both of you

- "well, don't you worry, we'll take care of that"

- you try to sit up but she won't let you

- "oh no, you must stay down, y/n. you are possibly concussed from the fall"

- "oh okay, sorry"

- "is there anything i can get you?"

- the countess of vesuvia, serving you in your time of need

- "just some water would be nice"

- "of course, i'll have some brought up right away"

- i literally feel like he would just start crying straight up

- cause like he has some problems anyway

- he big sad boi

- and you coming home to the hut bleeding from a gash in the arch of your foot is not helping

- picks you and carries you to the bed without a word

- just starts examining the cut

- inanna is also very concerned

- she licks the blood from the cut, she's trying to be helpful

- meanwhile muriel is stumbling around the hut looking for anything to stop the bleeding, disinfect it, bandage it, anything

- but he's not the best about keeping that stuff in stock

- keeps looking back at you with worry in his eyes

- he doesn't know what to do

- "muriel, let me see if i can contact asra. maybe he or julian can bring me a salve. i'm pretty sure i'm gonna need stitches"

- low-key makes him feel worse

- cause he feels like he's unable to care for you and keep your safe

- even tho this was just an accident

- he's breathing really fast, his anxiety creeping

- agrees anyway, but goes to get them himself

- "i'll be back soon, just keep this piece of cloth pressed against it"

- cause you're bleeding like a lot

- inanna stays behind

- he returns very quickly with julian in tow, though he doesn't look happy about it

- leaves the hut without another word

- julian gets to work immediately

- "so, you cut your foot i see"

- smartass.

- "yeah, muriel always tells me to put on shoes when i walk in the woods but i love to feel the grass beneath my feet"

- julian chuckled at this

- "and i'm assuming you, what, stepped on a rock?"

- "...yeah, sliced it right open"

- after julian is done cleaning up the cut, he tells you to just stay off of it for a while and make sure it doesn't get infected

- once he's gone, muriel trudges back into the hut

- "muriel, baby, it was just a cut it's not a big deal"

- but his eyes look hurt, and you beckon him toward the bed

- "hey," your hands on his cheeks, "i'm okay, really"

- "sorry, i just got scared. blood is still a trigger for me and since you got hurt in my woods, i felt like it was my fault"

- "muriel, of course it wasn't your fault"

- he really needed a hug

- after this instance, he made sure to keep medical supplies in the hut and you promised to try and wear shoes in the woods more often than not

- "i'll try my best to be more careful. deal?"

- sweet lil smile

- "deal."

- "oh my god, y/n, what the hell happened??"

- you were tending the garden

- without her supervision

- and the garden sheers might have sliced into the palm of your hand

- deep

- brings you over to the sink and runs water over the cut, covering it with a towel when the dripping blood had been washed away

- girl is on the move

- cause she knows what to do! love that

- low-key a main reason why julian managed to live as long as he has

- pepi is curiously perched atop one of the counters, peering down

- finds her personal first aid kit she had stashed in the bathroom

- guides you over to sit on the counter while she tries to figure out what to do

- "damn, you really cut yourself, y/n"

- "sorry! i think i just got a little carried away"

- she giggles at that, though she is still worried about the fact that it won't stop bleeding

- gently wraps the cut in gauze and adheres it together

- places a kiss to your fingertips

- "all done! no more gardening for you!"

- "hey, why not?"

- "well you don't want that cut to open back up again and again, do you?"

- "no"

- "alright then," she smiled, moving to put away the first aid kit again, "and we're going up to the palace medical wing first thing tomorrow morning to make sure it's not infected"

- eye roll

- "yes ma'am" you mocked

- even though you know it's just because she loves you

- "but since you got hurt, you want me to bake you some cookies?"

- "only if you let me eat the dough!"

- good god do i love this man

- but he is so self-absorbed it's actually insane

- and I feel like he wouldn't even notice at first

- cause he's too focused on himself

- gazing into the mirror without a care in the world when you walked in

- "y/n, thank goodness you're home, how do you feel about these pants?"

- you just hobbled to the nearest seat, hand resting over the gash on your knee

- mercedes and melchior were lazing across a rug at the base of his mirror, their attention set on you

- "u-um, yeah, they look good"

- literally just trying not to bleed out, over here

- "good? oh really, now, y/n don't they look amazing?"

- "yes, they look ama- ow, damnit"

- then he turned around

- immediate shock and worry! oh no oh no y/n is hurt!

- mercedes and melchior walked over first, whining as they took in the cut, brushing around the edges

- lucio raced over, squatting down in front of you, and began examining the cut

- "hey, hey, what happened?"

- "i accidentally tripped on my walk in the garden and scraped my knee on the cobblestone"

- he was lightly touching around the cut, gauging how sensitive it was

- when you flinched he stopped, looking into your eyes with a soft "sorry"

- "i think i need to go to the palace infirmary"

- "oh there's no need, i can take care of you!"

- you were not convinced he could take care of you, at least not well

- "uh, lucio, are you sure?"

- he looked slightly offended, at that

- "you know, y/n, i did fight in battles at one point. i have not only tended to my own wounds, but the wounds of others, as well"

- you giggled at the thought

- "much to your protest, though, i'm sure"

- he moved to the small cabinet of medical supplies in the ensuite to your bedroom, returning to your side with it in hand

- "at points, but i don't mind helping you in the slightest"

- for all of his antics, his soft side was enough to make you fall in love all over again

- and although i know he would take care of you in literally any situation, i can't say for certainty that he would stick around and place nurse lucio for long if a person had hurt you

- attacked you

- much like nadia, the guards would be sent out without a second thought, lucio leading the pack in the search for you aggressor

#the arcana nadia #the arcana julian #the arcana #the arcana imagines #the arcana headcanons #the arcane game #the arcana lucio #nadia the arcana #the arcana asra #asra the arcana #lucio montag #count lucio #lucio #portia devorak #portia headcanons #muriel the mountain man #muriel x mc #the arcana muriel #muriel

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curiousconch · 3 years

Text

Chase You / Chase Me (Pt. 1)

Part 1: Burning on the Edge of Something Beautiful

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Summary: Alex finds herself personally affected by the Rothswell case and Gabe attempts to find out why.

Book/Pairing: Choices - Laws of Attraction / Gabe Ricci x MC (Alex Keating)

Words: 1.8k+

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / implied sexual content, alcohol consumption

Disclaimer: Most of the characters as well as some dialogues belong to Pixelberry. I am merely borrowing them.

Wednesday Evening at McGraw Byrne

Back from a day in the courts, Gabe stepped out of the elevator and into the halls of McGraw Byrne. Eager to finish the day's work, he passed by the break room where he unwittingly heard something that made him instantly halt.

"Did you see how clammed up Keating became when you asked her that question?" Gabe heard Vanderweil's deep voice.

"Actually, I sensed something irked her during the ride back. Seems like I did strike a chord," a serious female voice replied, which Gabe presumed was Sinclair's.

He made the assumption that the line of conversation was about their visit to the Rothswell's mansion. Earlier that day, the law firm's major client Philip Rothswell, demanded that they see to the whole Lydia and Joey situation. So Gabe and Sadie instructed the associates to go see the young heiress, trying to give the firm more time to create a more solid strategy than playing family counselor.

When they were placating Rothswell, he noticed how Alex fidgeted in her chair as she listened to their client. The way her body pulled up every defensive stance in the book full with meaning.

Seems that what he just overheard confirmed his suspicions. Something was bothering Alex Keating. And like all things Alex, it piqued at his curiosity.

It irked him that he did, more than he was willing to admit. Seems like even as trivial as office gossip, as long as its about her, Gabe is guaranteed to take notice.

Hastening his strides, he continued on to his plush new office, the setting sun coloring the wood furnishings with a hue of orange. He tossed his briefcase on the khaki couch, his leather soles padding on the clean white carpet. Loosening his tie, he crossed the room towards his desk. He took off his coat, hanging it on the rack nearby and turned to face the glass walls which offered a much better view of the concrete jungle below.

His mind whirred as he rationalized with himself as to why he was so invested with Alex. He initially chalked it up as a familiar, primal response to her... attractiveness. Yet as he watched her emerge from every pressure test and challenge he and Sadie gave her, he can't help but root for her.

It's not just that. After a long time, Gabe wanted to be near someone. He wanted to hear what bothers them, their goals, even their history. A level of interest he never exhibited to his usual carnal pursuits.

She stirred up something sleeping within him, something he willed never to return.

Consumed by the thoughts of her, Gabe finds himself glancing at his Rolex and hatching a guise to know what made the mighty Alex Keating got so worked up about.

Sometime later, uptown New York

"Alex... Have you ever had someone like Joey mess with your head? It's not about smart or stupid," Gigi had asked.

Alex poked her fork at the piece of chocolate soufflé as her mind whirled back to the ride back to the office.

"I'm not buying you any more of that Riesling if you wouldn't even bother being a worthy companion," Gabe teased, before downing another glass of scotch across her.

Her head immediately perked up, breaking free from her introspection. Alex forced a smile in response.

"As if another glass would make a dent in your indomitable fortune," she leaned back, trying to hide her thoughts under the façade of her sarcasm, rolling her eyes at him for added effect.

The two find themselves in a swanky New York restaurant, its upscale interior design worthy of the five star Yelp rating. The sleek tables and gray scandinavian chairs made Alex grateful that her wine red dress fit among the crowd. With a private booth overlooking the city lights and the delicious gourmet food served, she did not regret accepting Gabe's dinner invitation to meet a client.

Her mind decided that more work and Gabe's company was a great way to distract herself from the nagging of her memories, and it didn't hurt that the senior partner was easy on the eyes.

And when the supposed big shot canceled at the last minute, Alex completely saw it as a win.

"Something bothers you." Gabe suddenly articulated, breaking her from her contemplations.

Alex's brow arched in reply, as Gabe stated it like a fact, not as a question.

Crossing her legs under the table, she folded her arms across her chest.

"And why does that concern my pretend-boyfriend, hm?" she interjected, hoping to evade his interrogation.

"You're not the only astute one in this booth," Gabe let his eyes trail across her defensive stance the second time today.

Throughout the course of their meal, the heat between them simmered as well as the flow of their usual banter. Their chemistry was palpable, convincing even the waiter of the restaurant. The cocky man was certainly redefining the phrase hot and cold for Alex. He quickly and easily shut down her attempts to flirt, pulling back when the temperature between them reached a boiling point.

But Alex was more surprised, pleasantly so, when Gabe briefly opened up about his past and the vague explanation of why he's still not settled down.

She sensed the current trajectory of their conversation was what Gabe planned to have all along.

But now, as she swirled the remaining expensive liquid in her glass, trying to decide whether to put her guards up or to just give in, she couldn't deny the uncharacteristic softness in his gaze. It was magnetizing, making Alex want to fold and drop her pretentions.

She watched him as he seemed to eagerly anticipate for her retort, a half smile lingering on that pretty mouth of his.

Alex knew he won't push her if she didn't want to, yet a part of her wanted to share the heaviness that weighed on her shoulder since meeting Lydia Rothswell. Of how much the teenager reminded her of her old, naïve self.

She's been trying to rack her brain for a reasonable explanation for her growing desire to introduce herself to Gabe more than she'd allowed the string of men that she had trysts with. Despite her continuous self-denial, her gut is telling her that Gabe wasn't like any other she crossed paths with.

Making up her mind, she decided to let the door open. Maybe just a little.

She sipped her wine beckoning some needed courage, wishing that she ordered something stronger.

Taking a deep breath, she began, her eyes fixed on the view behind him.

"Since you were wondering, my otherwise impeccable track record is stained by one mistake," she paused, finally turning her gaze to Gabe's waiting eyes.

"Like Lydia, I trusted the wrong person," she continued. "I... risked everything and got nothing."

Gabe's mouth twitched ever so slightly, sensing a fluttering in him because of Alex's candor. There was no trace of the witty comebacks he'd grown to see in her, only vulnerability.

And somehow, he adored her more.

He watched her as she bit her thumbnail, an action greatly contradicting the fiery personality she projected in front of everyone else.

Alex gritted her teeth as she fought back the overwhelming emotions as she stopped herself from revealing more than she's prepared to. Not yet, not tonight, she thought.

"But I woke up from that nightmare, solemnly swearing to myself that I wouldn't repeat the same wrong decision that almost railroaded my whole future," she concluded, determined not to expose herself any further.

A hush fell between them.

Alex raised her head to meet the eyes of the man that made her walls crack, expecting to find intrigue. Instead, she found a subtle look of understanding.

It's as if it was telling her that he knew. He knew every pain and every hurt that she wanted to just forget and bury inside a box, never to be opened again.

Just because for him, pain was a familiar companion. That like her, he too, has been through hell and back.

And while she relished under his attention, her breath slowed, letting herself be trapped within the depths of those reassuring brown eyes. Alex thought nothing can make her drop down her guard, but Gabe's next actions proved that there's still more he can do to break down her walls.

Without thinking, Gabe reached for her hand and took it in his, skimming his own thumb on her knuckles in an attempt to comfort her. He smiled warmly at her, expressing a gentleness that she never thought he was capable of.

It made Alex's heart skip a beat.

Even Gabe seemed to slowly enter the same daze, unable to veer away from Alex's unguarded view. Any remnants of his resistance, leaving him. He found himself leaning in, lured by the heady scent of her perfume - a mix of coffee, vanilla and jasmine. An unexpected combination that enticed him more to her.

For a few moments, their world stood still, as if they were on the edge of discovering something that all their lives they subconsciously sought.

Something more than any flirtation or any pursuit for lustful pleasure. Something more...

"More drinks, Gabe?" a familiar voice broke them from the temporary oasis that they pulled themselves in.

All of a sudden, they were sucked back to the reality of their actual surroundings. The noise of other patrons of the restaurant, the soft ambience of the lights overhead, and the fact that he was her current boss, and that she was under his professional supervision.

Gabe turned to James, their waiter, and refused the offer nonchalantly, and instead asked for their check.

"We should head back to the salt mines, the stack of work on my desk probably hasn't gotten any smaller since we left," Gabe casually said, erasing any trace of what just happened between them. Alex silently agreed, following his queue by checking her phone for emails.

The trip to the lobby was wordless, as well as the wait for their ride. Up until Gabe opened the door of the town car, not following Alex inside.

"Aren't you coming?" Alex inquired, briefly confused.

He cleared his throat, his expression stoic before he answered her. "I think its best if we part ways here. I wasn't kidding about needing to head back to the office," he paused, a look of contemplation in his eyes before it softly shifted to that of sincerity.

"You, on the other hand, should go home and get some rest. Partner's orders."

Alex couldn't help but smile. "Whatever you say, Gabe."

"Careful, Alex. I just might hold you to that promise one of these days," Gabe replied, the usual playfulness evident in his tone.

And with that, the door closed and the car pulled away.

But as Gabe watched the vehicle fade out of his sight, his phone pinged for an email. Glancing down at his screen, he saw the name of the sender, prompting him to open it in haste.

The message contained a single statement: "I found what you asked me to look for." An attachment was included.

When he opened the file, he saw a picture of a younger version of the woman he just parted from.

And a look of recognition passed over his face.

Author's Notes: This is getting a little canon divergent, though I'm just expanding their dinner conversation and using the intimate setting provided in the original book.

Tags: @adiehardfan @pixelnutrookie @starryjieun @fucking-random1 @choicesficwriterscreations

Thank you for reading! Let me know if you want to be tagged or removed on succeeding installments. If not, please reblog or comment, I'd really appreciate it!

#choices laws of attraction #choices fanfiction #choices loa #choices loa fanfiction #choices laws of attraction fanfiction #gabe ricci #gabe ricci x mc #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week

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mimikusu · 2 years

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3, 38 and 48 for Nikolai and Simon? I'm very excited you're doing this one!

Wow, these were incredibly hard to do... and I'm not fully satisfied, with what I did here T^T

I've really been struggeling whether to do this or not. I'm not entirely familiar with them either and what is said can not be undone... and maybe I might think they were acting this way, but when it really comes to it, they don't... if you know what I mean? Yet, I really enjoy thinking about these myself!

3 What does their safe space look like?

Simon:

For him, it's certainly his appartment. He enjoys the luxery of having his own, reading room, where he keeps a fair collection of philosophical literature. Besides, it really his mind. He keeps to withdraw from situations he finds stressfull, be shutting everything out. He tends to have these long discussions with the voice in the back of his head and sometimes is tempted to think, since everyone else is so profundly stupid, that this voice is all the company he needs.

Nikolai:

Nikolai can't stand to be alone. So he has no private safe space, but is seeking people's company whenever he feels vulnerable. Ever since he met Simon, it's wherever he is (mostly his home or his office, though).

Nikolai find's it difficult to stop the train of thoughts once in a while and deal with the chaos insight of his head. Simon won't stop talking, though, filling an evening all by himself and Nikolai really enjoys sitting next to him and busying one half of his mind listening to Simon's endless talking, while the other is free to get some rest.

38 How does your character unwind after a long day?

Simon:

There is no such thing as a long day to Simon. 😂 Yet, he finds interacting with people extremely stressfull and whenever that happens, he will spend the evening in his own personal library, indulging into the endless knowledge of ancient greek logic and classical (humanistic?) philosophy, trying to convince himself, that he is just way to good for all the lowlifes he has to deal with at work.

Nikolai:

Nikolai really likes to unwind, spending hours and hours at the piano. The times he's playing are the only ones, aside from Simons monologues, where he can busy his mind enough to get a clear thought out of the mess behind his eyes. Also, it helps him deal with his emotions, translating whatever heartaches he's facing into music.

48 Is your character easy to make cry? Or angry? Or annoyed?

I feel like I answered that already, yet I did not 🤨 Is it just me, or is that quite similar to 9? Anyways.

Simon:

He does not like that soft side of him to show, so he's almost always trying to shut it off, but he's actually easy to make cry. Not by bullying or gossiping about him, that he is used to, but by someone dear to him feeling low for any reason. Especially if there is only so much he can do about it. He's a real control freak, so whatever things he can't control, freaks him out and even more so, if these are things that hurt people close to him.

Nikolai:

Nikolai is not very emotional. He's a bit of a drama queen at times, but it's actually hard to make him cry. The only times he cried, he'd been facing loss of friends, lovers or when his cat was run over by a car as he was still a child.

He's really good at shutting his own emotions out, which can result in him eating up things until they can not be contained any longer (it's surfacing especially when he's sick and needy).

#are they getting longer and longer?#my... i really have to stop rambling so much about them #thank you so much for asking!! it is a delight!#asks

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fitzs-trained-monkey · 3 years

Text

Chapter Thirty-Six: How I Did It - By Jack The Ripper

Rated PG-13: For dark themes and language

Masterlist

~We'll never get free Lamb to the slaughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water? The price of your greed Is your son and your daughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water?

Beg me for mercy Admit you were toxic You poisoned me just for Another dollar in your pocket Now I am the violence I am the sickness Won't accept your silence Beg me for forgiveness~

"He's here."

Crossing the Event-Horizon

That's what that's called. I've always thought that's the most beautiful way of putting it. The words have a certain ring to them.

Crossing the Event-Horizon

It means crossing the point of no return. That itself - the point of no return - could mean a lot of things. It could mean the beginning. It could mean the end. It could mean the infinite. It could mean life. It could mean death. It could mean war, peace, happiness, sadness, or anything in between.

But it means one thing for sure.

Crossing the Event-Horizon means there's no going back.

If I had to identify a beginning to the end of my story, then I think that little red dot on the map of time is where I'd stick my proverbial pin. That one little sentence, those two little words.

Yes, it was that moment, I think.

That was when it all started to go wrong.

"Felix is here," I said quietly, "He's outside."

I didn't know what I was going to do to get my revenge from that point. All I knew was, in order to kill Felix, I would need to get to him. And that meant getting away from Jack. Getting away from the son of the devil is something certainly easier said than done.

I would have to do it in a manner which would compel him and the Winchesters to come 'save me'. Of course, I could just knock Jack out and ditch him, but then I would have no back-up if things with Felix went sour. Now, if there was one thing I had learned in the five years leading up to my presence in that lighthouse, it was redundancy. It never hurts to have a safety net. Mine just happened to be a Nephilim.

"You remembered to lock the door, right?" Jack joked. I huffed a laugh. "We're safe in here. Don't worry, Marty. I'll protect you."

Isaac shook his head. "Felix has hostages. Two of 'em." He informed me.

"It's not me I'm worried about," I said to Jack, "This is a hostage situation."

The Nephilim's expression darkened and Isaac rolled his eyes.

"Personally, I say we go on the offensive. I mean, ya boyfriend here has more than enough juice to disintegrate seven dudes, right? Just waltz out there like we own the place, boom, clap, poof, TA-DA!"

"Ya know, that's actually not that bad of a plan," I said, nodding. I relayed the message to Jack who nodded.

"I could do it." He seemed confident.

"Felix brought six helpers. Have you ever dusted that many guys before?" I asked.

"I have, yes. Many more, in fact."

Well, that was... thoroughly disturbing. He seemed so calm about it. As if anyone who stood against him was nothing more than an obstacle. That could be me one day. That could be me tomorrow.

"Alright then, lead the way," I said, smirking.

Is it bad that I hoped something would happen to Jack? Nothing deadly, of course. Just something that would stop him from using his powers to take my revenge for me. Felix was mine. I needed to be the one to kill him. If Jack did it then what had been the point of it all? So, was it bad of me to hope that the quickest, cleanest solution wouldn't be the one that played out?

Was that wrong?

Did that make me evil?

Did I care if it did?

"Everything's going to be fine, Marty. You'll see." And Jack smiled at me softly and I wondered how long that would last.

I found myself standing beside him at the door to the lighthouse. My blood was boiling for a fight because this was it. Felix was on the other side of that door and in a few hours, I would be free, one way or another. Jack turned the handle.

Across the Event-Horizon.

A vampire, a ghost, and a Nephilim stepped out into the muggy night air. It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but it was more the beginning of a new era, at least for me. I stayed mostly hidden beside Jack, maintaining my air of powerlessness. Isaac stepped into place at the Nephilim's other side to match. I could feel the heat of Felix's presence bleeding through the space between us. He carried with him the foul stench of burning tar and just his scent made me want to wrinkle my nose.

He stood about ten feet away from Isaac, Jack, and me, flanked by six other vampires. There was no army, not that I had expected there to be - that wasn't how Felix worked. He didn't need an army, he'd brought two hostages. Two humans knelt on the ground in front of each of Felix's lackeys, poised to die.

Felix's lips stretched into something that approximated a smile but his little ruse was transparent. I could see the hate simmering in his eyes.

"This little game of ours has been fun but a score still stands to be settled and its resolution, I do believe, is long overdue. There is no place left for you to run, child. Are you finally ready to face judgment for your crimes, Martina?" He said. A smile spread across my face to match his.

"Are you?" I challenged, leaving all human emotion out of my voice. I had been so afraid of him before, but that fear was in the past. I had come to witness true power, I had seen it up close and Felix Ashton Monroe was nothing in comparison. I wasn't afraid of him anymore.

"I suppose you'll just have to find that out," He said. "Now, I've just had a rather unsavory chat with one Samuel Winchester. Barbarians those boys are - him and his brother. I do so hope you'll remember the manners I taught you and come along like a civilized being."

"Ready when you are," Isaac reported. His Darth Vader figure was tucked safely in my boot and I counted the fact that Felix didn't know about him as one of the few advantages I had. Both Isaac and I knew that in order to keep that advantage my brother would have to suffer through being dragged behind a car via his attachment to the figure to prevent Felix from noticing his presence. We had decided a long time ago that I wouldn't face Felix alone. Isaac had protested against us facing him at all.

It was ironic, really. He was the ghost, yet out of the two of us, I was the vengeful one. See, Isaac had never sought revenge against Felix. The only person Isaac wanted vengeance against was himself. He sought punishment for his failure to keep me safe, to keep any of us safe. I suppose he got his wish. Ever since that night, Isaac remained trapped on earth with what was less of a mission and more of a duty. To keep me alive. If one looked at it properly, that was another advantage. Isaac had been formidable when he was alive, but as a vengeful spirit and with a threat on my life to power him up, Isaac was alarmingly deadly.

I didn't need to send him a discreet nod to acknowledge his words. The two of us had been preparing for this moment for five years. We knew our roles. We knew what we had to do.

"Marty isn't going anywhere with you," Jack cut in, his voice firm.

"You're Jack Kline I presume," Felix said in his usual drawling tone. His voice too reminded me of tar with the way it oozed lazily around his words. Everything about him was so clean and sharp yet somehow it was all horrifically revolting.

"I am, yes." Jack nodded. He was trying to sound confident and authoritative, mimicking Sam or Dean or Castiel. But he wasn't like them, it wasn't in his nature. Jack was too soft. Felix regarded him with a smirk, studying the boy in a calculating manner as if Jack were merely a rare antiquity he was appraising in an effort to determine its value.

"The boy born to rule..." He hummed, drawing out the words almost reverently. "Yer smaller than the rumors describe ye to be."

"So are you," Jack replied, standing up straighter and lifting his chin confidently.

"Oh, I'm afraid not." That slime ball cracked a smile. "I'm much too careful to allow for rumors of my physical appearance to drift beyond my reach."

"Really?" Jack challenged. "Because it seems like Martina found us. She told us everything about you."

Felix just laughed like he was talking to something as insignificant as a flea.

"Do ye never listen, young one? I said I don't allow rumors to drift beyond my reach. Seeing as Martina is standing directly ahead of me, I'd say she is well within my grasp. That which is mine does not escape me, laddie. She knows that better than anyone," Felix said.

"If you're so careful, then why come here yourself?" Jack asked, struggling to remain impassive. He didn't really have a poker face.

"Why, because unlike an amateur I actually quite enjoy getting my hands dirty every now and again. Especially with a vendetta this personal. Isn't that right, Martina?" Felix taunted. "Will you be coming willingly or not?"

"I said you can't have her," The half-angel forcefully growled. Jack pushed me behind him, shielding me from my creator's gaze.

"Is that so? I was unaware you had a choice in the matter," Felix accosted, seemingly amused. "Were your circumstances not clearly implicit in the situation? No? Very well! If you insist against using so much as a modicum of intelligence, I suppose I'll have to explain this situation to you. See, these dirty, pathetic excuses for intelligent life forms you see trembling before you are called humans, dear boy. I hear you're quite fond of them, and today they are playing the role which we in the criminal world usually refer to as the hostage. Now, their miserable little lives are in your hands, Jack. I am a man of my word thus I will gladly release them, alive and well, upon the prompt return of my property. However, I will not hesitate to rip them both to shreds right in front of you if I don't get my way. Do you understand that , boy?"

Jack didn't respond. He appeared torn between protecting me and saving the lives of the hostages.

"Good," Felix droned, "Now, are you ready to leave, Martina dear?"

" You don't get to speak to her ," Jack snarled. His teeth snapped together with an audible click as he threw his arm out in front of me, not quite ready to give up. Felix rolled his eyes.

"Must we really do this the hard way?" He asked, boredom evident in his tone.

"Yes."

Felix tilted his head and his gaze flicked to me. I could see a hint of amusement in his expression.

"Tell me, lassie. Have you kissed him yet?" He chuckled. Then, abruptly, his expression darkened. "Or is he just that stupid? "

"Who says I did anything?" I replied evenly. Felix huffed, rolling his eyes.

"So you have?" He turned his attention to Jack who just seemed confused. "Did you enjoy it, me boy? If you'll recall, I did wish you a very exciting first, did I not?"

"Marty, what's he talking about?" Jack asked, doubt wavering in his voice. I didn't answer him. Felix was taking a chisel to the wall I'd built in that boy's head. Not causing enough damage to send it crumbling, but planting enough doubt for it to hurt even worse when it did.

"Ah, my devious little Martina," Felix sighed, shaking his head dramatically. "You're as predictable as you are appallingly cruel."

"Guess I learned from the best," I hissed, glaring at him.

"Does that mean you'll be sensible?" He asked, raising a brow.

"You're not taking her!" My angel boy yelled. "She's mine. " A shock ran through my bones as Jack's powers ignited and his metaphysical wings spread out in front of me in a terrifying reminder of what he truly was.

Felix didn't flinch. Instead, he chuckled.

"That's cute," He said, gesturing to Jack's massive wings. Then, he straightened the cuffs of his suit and sighed. From out of his pocket he retrieved a box of matches, pulling one out and striking it. He tossed the match lazily in front of him, the reflection of its tiny flame dancing in his eyes.

The match hit the sand and flickering orange flames erupted from where it landed. The fire spread outward in a ring that encompassed the entire lighthouse, trapping me, Jack, and Isaac inside.

Jack hissed through his teeth as he watched the flames die down. They were low enough to pass easily through, so how were they supposed to contain us?

"In case ye can't tell, that there is holy fire," Felix informed, tucking the matches back in his pocket. "Any angel who finds themselves encircled by holy fire is rendered powerless, and if one tries to step through those flames, one will be instantly vaporized." He looked up again, unimpressed. "Don't get smart with me, boy . I am thousands of years your senior. I'll do with that disgusting whore whatever I damn please."

"No, you won't !"Jack yelled. His wings flared out and a blazing golden light poured from him like molten metal. The air buzzed with a divine power that burned my skin from standing so close. He was like sunlight, and it burned. I cowered away but watched in awe as Jack's veins lit beneath his skin as if gold were pumping through them instead of blood. Because that's what Jack Kline was. He was power. With a sudden ferocity, the flames leaped up, roaring around his body in an effort to keep him trapped inside. But Jack did the impossible and stepped beyond the ring with a cry of effort.

Felix did not cower away as his underlings did; he merely tilted his head with slight interest.

"How intriguing," He mused, folding his hands in front of him. "Tell me, lad. How did you manage that?"

Jack glared at Felix, his chest heaving, for I could tell that act had caused him pain.

"I'm not an angel."

Jack raised his hand, poised to snap the monsters all into dust.

"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Felix half-heartedly warned.

"Why not?" The Nephilim ground out.

The vampire smiled coolly. "Because these fine specimens here are not my only hostages." Of course, he had more. He was always prepared.

"Where are the others?" Jack demanded, eyes flaring.

"They're safe and sound, I assure ye. Unless, of course, you try to do somethin' stupid, such as kill me. If that's the case, and I do hope it's not, then my people have orders to do some rather unsavory things to a room full of children." Felix raised a brow, daring Jack to make a move against him.

"I can save them," Jack said, confident.

"Please! Ye don't even know where they are!" He scoffed. "Do what ye must, Jack Kline. But I really do fear for the children." Jack gritted his teeth but said nothing. He knew he was beaten. "That's better." Felix turned his attention to me. "Give up this pitiful act of yours, Martina. Come on out. You know this is checkmate."

I stepped away from Jack and stood tall, allowing the thing that had made me to see the steel in my eyes. I passed Jack and planted myself in front of Felix.

"This isn't checkmate, Monroe. This is merely check. I'll be damned before I walk into something with no way out, you know that better than anyone." My voice was calm and cool and I let it chill him. It was my real voice, not that other one I always used to put people at ease. My real voice was the one that makes people do what I want.

The corner of Felix's mouth twitched up. "Oh, yes. I know." He leaned down, his face merely an inch away from mine. "I'm looking forward to it."

"So, where's the car?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Right this way, m'dear." He gestured towards the dirt road a ways away and started toward it. I began to follow but Jack's voice made me stop.

"You're a monster," He spat, shaking with rage. His pained expression had morphed into one of hatred and his glowing golden eyes fixed on Felix.

Felix twisted around, mildly amused more than anything.

"Empathy, humanity, and morality make you weak, boy. Alas, weakness is a bitch , isn't it?" He smirked, basking in the pain he caused.

"I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU!" Jack screamed. His power flared with his anger but there was nothing he could do. The absolute helplessness and hopelessness of his situation finally dawned on him. He never could stand feeling helpless.

"Hold on, I'm confused. Is that not what you do ?" Felix jeered, lifting a brow. Jack froze, his eyes going wide and puppy-like as the vampire's words hit him in the heart. His rage and power dimmed.

"W-What?" Poor thing. His voice sounded so small. He had never been made for this.

"You're the Winchester's attack dog, are ye' not?" Felix clarified. "Playing judge, jury, and executioner for anything you deem a monster."

"You are a monster," Jack scowled, clenching his fists.

"Oh, I know that!" Felix laughed. "But I like to think I've done quite a bit to earn me that title. There are, however, six quite innocent and quite human patients in critical condition at a Manhattan hospital. Six patients, who you put there. Those weren't monsters now, were they?"

Jack's face paled. Sam and Dean had said everyone was fine. Sam and Dean had lied. "H-How did- How did you-"

"That was some stunt you pulled in Times Square, boy," He mused. "Did you really think I wouldn't know about it?"

"Th-that w-was... I-it wasn't... I didn't mean to I-" Jack shook his head in denial. "It was an accident!"

"Why, of course it was!" Felix laughed. "You've not a malicious heart nor the disposition to take an innocent life. Dear boy, you are but a loaded gun for the Winchesters aim at anything they don't like."

Jack shook his head. "T-that's not true! I kill things that are evil because they hurt people." His words sounded hollow like they were something practiced. Like something that had been pounded into him.

"Do ye now? Because as I recall, you killed your own mother and ye' don't even know why. Sad, that." Felix smiled. "You kill because you were bred to; it's your purpose. It's almost cute, the son of the devil thinking he's a hero."

"I am ! I'm a hunter!" Jack insisted.

"You are not a hero," Felix sneered, shaking his head. "You are a murderer, Jack Kline. What else could ya be?" The Scottish man turned on his heel, not caring much to hear what the Nephilim had to say.

"Y-you're wrong. You're wrong about me!" That was all Jack could force out. He tried so hard to keep the tears at bay. I shook my head and turned away from him to follow my creator. "M-Marty?" Jack called out from behind me, his voice laced with desperation and confusion.

I stopped.

In that moment, I finally stripped away the final pieces of the human girl I'd made for him. The girl I'd designed for him to love. Jack would never see her again. That girl was gone now. And good riddance to her; I hoped she'd never come back.

Because she was weak.

And I was not.

Because she was human.

And I was a monster.

Because she was kind.

And I was cruel.

Because she was innocent.

And I was insane.

Because she was honest and grateful.

And I was a deceitful manipulator.

Because she was the blissful mirage.

And I was the horrid reality.

Because she was perfect.

And I never could be.

Because Jack Kline loved that sweet girl.

But that girl wasn't ME.

She never had been.

Of course, I still loved him which only made this harder. But I supposed that in a few hours that would be of no consequence. He wouldn't care. And that fact hurt like a needle to the heart, but pain only brings power to those with nothing left to lose. So, I threw my head back and I laughed as I embraced that pain, just as I did for every other cut and bruise I had ever received. That needle was one in a million and all that pain was what made me real. So, I sighed and turned back to where my angel boy stood, staring at me like some lost puppy.

"I'm sorry, Jack," I said sweetly, "Thanks for getting me this far, I don't think I could have done it without you. Unfortunately, this is something I have to do on my own. This is my last page and nobody can write it for me."

"You can't go," He said, shaking his head. There were tears in his eyes but none in mine. I smiled at him and that was the first he'd seen from me that was real, because, for the first time, Jack was talking to me.

"Why are you worried, Jack?" I was surprised at how smooth and pleasing my own voice sounded, now that I took notice. My real voice was why I was dangerous; when I used it I could make anyone do anything. But there was a reason I had been masking it for so long. It was what had gotten me into this in the first place. "I know you'll come to save me."

"What if I'm too late?" He asked, his voice breaking.

"Then I'll be there waiting for you," I answered.

"You'll die," Jack whispered. I laughed lightly, shaking my head.

"I'm not going to die today, Jack."

"You don't know that!"

"I've known for longer than you think," I said. I watched his teary, desperate expression and copied it to my memory as best as I could. It was the last time he'd look at me that way. At least for a while. "Just do me one last favor?"

"Anything," Jack promised.

"There's a girl you haven't met yet, try not to hate her when you do." I smiled and Jack nodded, trying his best to stay strong.

Then I left him there.

Alone in the sand, he watched a stranger he thought he loved going to what he thought was her death and vowed to save her from it.

Was it wrong for me to deceive him?

Did I care if it was?

***

Sam paced back and forth along the length of the lighthouse as he waited for Dean and Castiel to return. Every few minutes or so he would check his watch anxiously and run a hand through his hair, muttering something unintelligible under his breath before he resumed his pacing.

But Jack wasn't paying attention to that. He was busy staring at his hands. There were too many thoughts racing through his head for him to focus on any one of them. It had all happened so fast and there was nothing he could have done, but it didn't feel that way. Jack felt responsible. Martina was going to die because of him. It was his fault.

It was always his fault.

The door of the Lighthouse burst open, revealing Dean and Cas standing there in the driving rain that had come on before anyone had time to notice. Dean threw himself inside and Cas trailed after him, taking the time to close the lighthouse door while Dean shook the rain off like an oversized dog.

"What took you so long?" Sam was immediately questioning. "Where were you?"

"Gettin' information," Dean smirked. "It took a while, but one of the bloodsuckers squealed. What happened here, Jack?"

"I kissed Martina," Jack blurted out.

"What?" Sam, Dean, and Cas asked in unison, sharing the same disbelieving expression.

Jack hadn't meant to say it but it just sort of came out. It probably wasn't his fault, though. Jack simply couldn't stop thinking about every detail of his time with the girl in the lighthouse. He wanted to focus on what had happened after, but his brain simply wouldn't cooperate.

"I, um... I kissed Martina..." He repeated, somewhat nervously. "And I think I liked it..."

Had he liked it? Jack thought so; he was pretty sure. But something about it felt off.

Why had he kissed her in the first place? What had compelled him to do that? Jack didn't know.

His memories of the kiss were strange. He remembered clearly the emotions he'd felt, and the intensity of them. Yet, for some reason, Jack couldn't seem to recall where those feelings had come from. He had wanted to kiss Martina, but not like that... Or... maybe he had? It felt to Jack as if the decisions he'd made weren't his own. He couldn't even remember making any decisions, really. All he remembered was those feelings and acting on them. Something about that seemed off to him but Jack wasn't sure. He supposed it wasn't that out of the ordinary for him to behave impulsively. On the contrary, he tended to do that quite a lot. So, what was bothering him?

"Wait..." Dean paled, "You and Marty... You- You two didn't, like... do it in a lighthouse, right?"

Jack tilted his head, brows furrowing. "Do what?"

"C-Cas?" Dean's face whitened another shade as he turned to the seraph. "Please tell me your son didn't-" Castiel gave a long-suffering sigh.

"No, Dean. I really don't think they did anything," He said, rolling his eyes.

"Not everyone is like you," Sam added. Dean waved him off.

"Yeah, okay, but why am I the only one gettin' weirded out by this?" He exclaimed.

"Because we have bigger problems, Dean!" Sam pointed out, exasperated. Sam seemed anxious and Jack wondered what he wanted to tell them.

"Well, I think this is pretty big!" Dean insisted, turning to Jack. "Dude, what the hell?"

"I don't understand what you mean. Martina and I kissed." Jack said simply.

"Dean, seriously. I-" Sam tried. Dean held up a hand, sighing.

Dean sighed. "Jack... Y-You don't do that."

"Dean! Listen-"

"Not now, Sam!" Dean cut him off again.

"Why not? Jack asked, frowning.

"Look, ya just- Ya gotta wait a little while, man!" Dean said, running a hand over his face. "I mean, Marty's like, twelve!" He insisted. By then, Sam had decided he'd had it.

"No, Dean! She's really not!" The younger Winchester yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

"What?" Dean was shocked by his brother's sudden outburst. Sam took a deep breath to calm himself now that he had everyone's attention.

"Martina's not as young as we think she is. I-I think she's older, m-much older." Sam said, stress leaking into his tone.

"What are you saying, Sam?" Cas asked.

"I'm saying we've been played."

***

The car ride was smooth and it was the first time I'd been in a limo, so naturally, I took the comforts offered me. I stretched out across the seat, lounging as I stared out the tinted window. I didn't worry about Felix sitting directly across from me. I knew he didn't want to kill me. Not yet anyway.

"I'm curious, how did you manage to fool them?" He asked, watching me with a comfortable expression.

I shrugged. "Long story, lots of boring details."

"Indulge me," He insisted.

"Why should I?" I asked. He shrugged, mimicking me.

"I'm simply curious."

I hummed. "I bet you are."

He smirked. "Well, what can I say? It's just my nature." I nodded vaguely, continuing to stare out the window. We both knew how this would end. There was no real reason not to tell him.

"Sam Winchester and Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel..." I said their names thoughtfully, allowing the corner of my lips to twitch up into a sly smile. "They seem so simple at first glance. You have the poor unfortunate soul who lost so much yet kept his kindness, the perfect killer who spent his whole life at war, and the fallen angel who found a home. But if that was all there was then I never would have fooled them. However, for men who claim to be so faithless, there's so much they want to believe in."

"Whot do ye mean?" Felix asked, tilting his head. I smirked lazily. T

"I'll start with Sam. Sam is kind because he's damaged, but the last thing he is is a fool. When someone's good at unraveling lies, the last thing you do is give them a really big one to unravel. If you do that, then they'll cut right through and they'll figure you out easily. So, what do you do? You give them distractions. Hide puzzles within puzzles and Sam will stop to solve each one because he loves it. But how do you get him to ignore the big picture?" I stopped and grinned.

"It's easy really. All I had to do was appeal to his hate. Sam Winchester is so extraordinarily full of such raw and powerful hate, that if you simply aim it at a conceivable target, he can ignore anything else. And of course, with his hate blinding him to the truth, Sam can't figure out the lie. All one has to do to fool Sam is give him a puzzle to solve and something to hate.

"So, I made him hate you."

***

"How?" Castiel asked, tilting his head.

"It's Marty. We can't trust her," Sam said. Dean scoffed

"After all that lecturing earlier? Why the hell not?" He demanded. Sam took a nervous breath.

"Because she's been lying to us, Dean," He said. "I-I think she's been lying to us this whole time."

Dean's jaw clenched and he crossed his arms over his chest. "What are you talking about, Sam?" His voice was tight and guarded.

"I talked to Felix after I saved the little girl," Sam admitted.

"You just stood there and talked to that son of a bitch! He's a sick, messed up, psychopath! Sam, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Dean yelled. Sam held out his hands in a peacemaking gesture.

"I know w-what he is, Dean. A-and, believe me, I thought the same things you are now and I swear it was over the phone a-and all he did w-was tell me things. But-" Sam hissed through his teeth and tugged at his hair, seemingly at war with himself.

"But what, Sam?"

"I don't know. He- he just-"

"You don't know?!" Dean interrupted accusingly.

"H-He said things, alright! Felix told me things. Things about Marty. A-and they- they made - They just made so much sense! And I hate him just as much as you do and I don't wanna believe him but-" Sam's voice faltered and he shook his head seeming lost.

"What did he tell you?" Castiel pressed, gentle but still firm.

"He told me Martina killed his wife."

***

"Now, Dean? Dean's a little harder," I said as the driver made a sharp left-hand turn. "Dean's not just a hardened killer, though that's mostly what he wants people to see. He wants people to see the machine without a heart so no one will see how horrifically broken he really is." Thinking of what Dean was really like made me laugh and I flicked my gaze at Felix. "And believe me when I say that there's nothing that could fix him by now."

"But there's so much more to him than the killer and the brokenness. Dean's the righteous man who's never known a day away from war. There are so many things he wants so desperately. Dean dreams of walking peacefully along a beach yet he's never even been to one. For all he's never had Dean tries to give it to others. For all the blood and death he's seen he's remarkably full of love. Love is the key, really. Dean Winchester loves more powerfully than anyone I've ever met. If Dean loves someone he'll do anything for them.

"He sees my age and sees in me the child he never was. He sees me afraid and wants to provide me the protection no one gave him. He sees me flinch when someone yells and wants to offer me the security he never knew. He sees an orphan and wants to give me the parental love he never had. All one has to do to fool Dean Winchester is give him a child to love.

"So, I made him love me."

***

"And you believed him?" Dean scoffed. "Marty is a kid, Sam! She's a kid! Just a scared kid who needs our protection! Marty never could have done something like that."

"Why not?" Cas spoke up. All eyes snapped to the angel.

"BECAUSE SHE'S A KID!" Dean roared. Jack flinched away from him, he'd always hated when Dean yelled. It scared him. Though, this time Dean sounded less angry and more desperate. As if there was something he didn't want to believe. As if yelling the words would make them true.

"T-that's what I thought too. But what if we're wrong?" Sam asked.

"How could we be wrong?" Dean demanded.

"What if Marty's not a kid?" Sam carefully spoke, "What if she's not human?"

Dean shook his head. "No," He said, "No, you're wrong. I know what you're thinkin' and you're wrong." Jack shook his head too. There was no way... was there? Something itched at the back of his mind. He didn't know what it was. Did he want to?

"Dean, I know this is hard to accept, but we need to think this through," Sam said, holding his hands out beseechingly.

"We don't have time for that!" Jack spoke up. "Felix is going to kill Marty! We can't just let her die!"

Sam held up a hand. "He's not gonna kill her, not for a while. We have time."

"No, you don't get it! I promised I'd save her!" Jack said.

"Exactly!" Sam pointed out. "Jack, that's exactly what she wants! She's been planning this the whole time."

"What do you mean 'the whole time'?" Dean inquired, crossing his arms.

"Think back to the beginning, w-when we first met Marty," Sam said, walking them through it. "Why were we in Copper Harbor?"

"For a ghost hunt," Jack answered, impatience leaking through his tone.

"You're right, but there was another case there. What was it?"

"Blood was being stolen from the hospital..." Cas said slowly as if remembering.

"Exactly! Exactly." Sam took a breath. "Now, that ghost in the viral video, who was it? Was it whoever's bones we burned?"

"No, it was..." Jack made the connection. Why hadn't he noticed that before? "It was Isaac."

"Okay, so that means..." He trailed off.

"That Marty was lying about the hunt and the bones," Cas finished.

"Right, now why would she do that?"

"I dunno, professor. Maybe so we wouldn't torch her brother?" Dean rolled his eyes.

Sam pursed his lips, sighing. "Well, yes, b-but no! This isn't about Isaac, this is about Marty. What would she have been hiding?"

"The blood theft," Cas said decisively. Dean shook his head.

"That's a coincidence. Marty can't be - She can't-" He couldn't even say it. He could hardly think it. "Marty can't be a vampire."

***

"Castiel was harder," I continued. "Aside from the fact that he's a multi-billion-year-old cosmic being, Castiel also lacks a soul. That made tapping into his emotions significantly more difficult, but once I did that it was quite clear that I could never fool him. At least, not directly. He's intelligent, not easily deceived, and he always tries to do what he thinks is best. Whatever that course of action might be, more often than not, it hasn't been the right one.

"Castiel is, primarily, a screw-up. There's a lot of history and even more drama involving his fellow angels and the Winchesters, and he has consistently attempted to fight for both sides of the war between them. His torn loyalties have caused a great many more problems than they've fixed and it seems as though any attempt to fix one of said problems breeds yet more chaos. Castiel is rebellious. He can never seem to do what he's supposed to. So, naturally, that makes him the most dangerous piece on the board.

"When Castiel sets his mind on something, there isn't much that can sway him. His actions have proven, repeatedly I might add, that he is even willing to go behind the backs of the Winchesters if he believes it's for the greater good. But his destructive pattern stops only for the one person he's never betrayed. Thus, to fool Castiel one has to fool his son.

"So, I got my hands on Jack."

***

"Why not?" Cas snapped.

"'Cause she just can't!" Dean's voice broke.

"She single-handedly killed five vampires, Dean! Remember?" Cas pressed. "There's no way a mere child her age could have done that."

Jack shook his head, refusing to believe it. "Marty can't be a vampire. Dad, she just can't be."

Castiel sighed, his eyes soft. "I know you want to believe that."

"Why shouldn't we?" Dean challenged.

"Because she killed five vampires single handedly! What part of that escapes your understanding?!" Cas repeated with frustration.

"We don't know what happened in there!" Dean persisted.

"Exactly! WE DON'T KNOW!" Cas yelled.

"THEN WE CAN'T ACCUSE, CAN WE?" Dean shouted back. Jack flinched again and Cas took notice, forcibly relaxing his posture in hopes of reassuring his son.

Sam groaned. "Look at the facts, Dean. The research!"

"Damn the research, Sammy! This is Marty! We know her!"

"We know she's an empath!" Sam spat. "She's been playing with all our emotions, we know that! We need to look at this objectively and, as hard as that might be, it means looking at the facts!"

"What about the facts?" Dean asked reluctantly.

"Think about it," The younger brother said. "W-we did the research, remember? Remember how none of it lined up?"

"Yeah, because Felix messed with it!" Dean tried.

"Not all of it," Sam pointed out, "Marty said she was nine when she died, but her youngest brother was ten. Remember that? How could she have been younger than her youngest sibling?"

"Sam, that-"

"Because she wasn't, Dean," He hissed, "She wasn't nine. Marty was sixteen."

"I-I remember..." Dean froze, his eyes flicking up to meet his brother. "Sammy..." He said, his voice tense and shaking, "How did I forget that?"

Dread coated Castiel's tone as he answered instead.

"I think she wanted us to."

***

"Jack is a very special boy," I said, sarcasm lacing my tone. "Although, he is the offspring of a fallen archangel, so I'd assume that 'special' comes rather naturally. Thanks for that clue, by the way. It would have taken me much longer to figure him out if it wasn't for that itty bitty little detail."

"You would have gotten it regardless." Felix shrugged.

"Of course I would've!" I snorted, shaking my head. "I didn't think my abilities were of any question."

"They weren't," Felix replied. "I know what you're capable of, lassie."

I smirked devilishly. "You should." Felix's hand clenched into a fist and he sent me a tight smile.

"Indeed." He forced the word through his teeth. "Which is why I'm surprised you enlisted to lie to that boy so completely. Doesn't that violate whatever moral code of Donoghue's it is that you've adopted?" I nodded and shrugged with a sigh.

"You're right, it does. Jack is in many senses young and vulnerable and on top of that, he's dreadfully naïve. He could never deserve what I did to him." I huffed out a humorless laugh as my face twisted into a sneer. "But you do. So I made an exception."

Felix shook his head as if disappointed. "Now, now, Martina. When one has a goal, one does not make exceptions. Lest they desire to fail, of course. Only hypocrites make exceptions. Did I teach you nothing?"

"I'm not like you," I spat.

"Is that what it looks like from where you sit?" He mused quietly. I flashed him a barred toothed grin and continued.

"There's only one that Jack Kline truly wants in this world. He wants to be good - to prove to himself and those around him that despite his parentage, he can be good. He's been told that there's something wrong with him, so he wants to find a way to somehow purge it. But he can't because there's nothing wrong and there never was. Yet, he can't believe that. So it leaves him with an insatiable desire to please.

"It's pathetic, really. He seeks validation in everything. He thinks he has to be useful to be loved. Otherwise, he's just a burden, one that nobody wanted. Jack doesn't want to believe that; he wants to be told that isn't true. Jack Kline may be powerful but he's also soft - moldable if you will. See, he's so haplessly needy that it's honestly sickening. He'll do anything for you to tell him what he wants to hear. And he'll do anything to keep hearing it.

"Jack is a combination of his three guardians. He's desperate. Like Dean, he doesn't want to see what's right in front of him. But he's not stupid. I had to erase his memory more than once. Then, like Sam, I simply distracted him and, much like Castiel, I had to keep him in line by appealing to that insatiable need of his. To fool Jack Kline one has to give him someone to save.

"He thinks he's saving me." I smiled fondly when I'd finished, glancing up at Felix with a challenge in my gaze.

"Well, we both know that's impossible," He said, eyeing me with a smirk, "There's nothing left in that cold shell of yours worth saving." I grinned, showing him the insane thing he'd created.

"You're damn right."

***

Then, like a memory, there were words running through Jack's head. Words and voices, but he didn't remember hearing them.

'You said you were nine then! But y-you - you weren't!' That was his voice in his ears. But Jack couldn't remember saying those words. 'You haven't aged a day... Five years and you haven't aged a day.'

'I aged about a month, actually.'

The other voice was Marty. The words buzzed like static, making his headache. Jack shook his head. It was like Deja Vue but entirely more vivid. Sam, Dean, and Cas kept talking. It was hard to hear them through the ringing in his ears.

"Cas, are you saying she can wipe memories?" Dean asked.

"I'm not sure," Castiel replied, shaking his head. "But she can certainly suppress them."

"But it-it must only work when she's around b-because when she's gone - I know for me - When Marty's not around I-I start to remember," Sam said.

The ringing in Jack's ears intensified, making him groan and grasp at his head. He clamped his hands over his ears but the ringing only grew louder. It was like angel radio, but instead of being surrounded by fire, Jack felt like he was burning from the inside out.

"Jack?" Cas was calling his name. "What's going on?"

"I-I don't- I-" Jack gasped, the pain growing stronger. "It hurts! Dad, please make it stop!"

"Jack? JACK!"

He stumbled into Cas's arms as another blurred memory hit him like a train.

'I'm gonna need you to forget that,' Marty's voice whispered in his head. She sounded so gentle, so inviting. She sounded like a spider.

'I wish I could,' His own voice shook as Jack listened to himself say words he couldn't remember speaking. It felt like a memory that didn't belong to him.

There was more to it this time. There was a picture frame, but the picture inside was out of focus. There was an image. It was Martina. She had fangs. And there was something else too. Jack could feel it like a phantom pain. It was terror. The paralyzing kind. The feeling of being trapped. Jack felt the shadow of limbs and he couldn't move. He was trapped. Jack couldn't get out. He was trapped like a fly in a web. Marty was the spider. He couldn't get away. He couldn't get away from her.

She wouldn't let him.

'I can make you forget,' She was going to hurt him. ' Take us back to the night we met. '

'What do you mean?' His voice asked cautiously. He was scared. He was so scared. He couldn't get out.

'I'm going to talk to you, and then you're going to forget, and everything will be back to the way it was.'

'You're a monster.' He'd said

The ringing in Jack's ears faded and he bolted upright, gasping and shaking as panic set in. He needed to tell Sam, Dean, and Castiel what he'd remembered but he couldn't seem to find the words.

"S-She lied." That was all he could force out.

"Jack, what happened? Are you okay?" Castiel worried, checking over him. Jack just shook his head.

"She did something to me," He choked out, shaking. "I don't know. I can't remember. Why can't I remember? She did something to me!" He felt sick. There was something wrong with him.

No.

There was something wrong with Marty.

She was sick.

"What? What did she do?" Dean demanded, eyes wide.

"She-She made me forget. I knew. I-I knew and she made me forget!"

"Forget what?" Sam asked.

"I figured her out a-and she made me forget but I remembered." Jack stopped and only then did he realize he was crying. "She's one of them."

Because she had betrayed him. Marty had betrayed all of them. Jack didn't even know what to believe anymore. Had any of it been real? Or was it all some twisted lie?

"I'm sorry, Jack," Cas offered quietly.

"You were right, Sam," Jack whispered. He couldn't stop his voice from shattering. "Martina is a monster. A-And she lied."

There was silence for a moment. Then, Dean spoke up. Because someone had to take the lead and it was always him. It wasn't fair, but it was always him.

"We gotta go," He said, struggling to make his voice sound cold and firm. But he'd lost a daughter today.

"W-Where?" Sam asked.

"Me and Cas know where Felix is taking Marty. That kid's got some answering to do," Dean answered, his green eyes darkening with his tone. Castiel stood, helping Jack climb to his feet.

"Martina is dangerous, Dean. Are you sure you're willing to do what may be necessary?" Cas asked, watching Dean with a somber expression.

"It's not gonna come to that," Dean said.

"And if it does?"

"I will." Jack's voice was quiet but it caught the adult's attention.

"Jack, are you- Are you really sure?" Cas asked gently. Jack shook his head.

"I don't want to kill Martina. But you're right, she is dangerous." His voice faltered. "I can't let her hurt anybody else."

***

Felix's limo pulled into the garage of what was easily a multi-million dollar home. It was four stories and it reminded me of a castle with its dull grey stone and tall windows. The interior of the garage was constructed simply of polished cement and was entirely empty aside from the car now parked within it. I sent Felix a smirk and climbed from the vehicle, slamming the door shut behind me. The car was surrounded. Twenty or so of Felix's vamps stood guard but I knew they were more for display than anything else. Some of them I recognized, some I didn't.

"And here I thought this little girl's night was just gonna be you and me," I huffed dramatically upon seeing them, "You had me feeling all special."

"Sorry to disappoint, Lassie," Felix drawled. "But don't worry, I invited some of your friends too. Well, just one to be exact."

I shot him a curious glance but shrugged before sauntering my way past Felix's lackeys like I owned the place. I supposed I had, but that was so long ago. Were his minions really still so afraid of me? I surveyed one of the vamps as I passed him, taking notice of the bead of sweat dripping down his neck. He was clearly terrified.

So, they remembered who their queen was. Good.

Spinning on my toe like a ballerina, I let a bubbling laugh escape my throat. All of Felix's soldiers turned to face me, watching with careful eyes.

"Hello, Lovelies!" I called, grinning. A few of them shifted nervously. "Just thought you all should know, both your beloved Prince and Princess are dead! I killed them!" Murmurs spread around the empty garage, echoing off the polished grey walls. "That's right! Boyd's head I ripped off with a tractor, though I'm sure your leader was glad to finally be rid of his bastard son." I glanced at Felix who stood there stoically and winked. "I knew about that, by the way. As for Elwyn, I had the Devil's son snap her into dust like Peter Parker in Infinity War. 'Cept she ain't comin' back!" I giggled in reaction to the horrified expressions of Felix's soldiers and send the man himself a smirk before whipping around again.

"Ye know, Martina?" His voice made me pause though I kept my back to him. "I look at you and I don't see anyone looking back..." He trailed off, his tone thoughtful. "Where is that soul you used to have?"

"Just like I told your daughter, I lost it in the woods in favor of something else. You wanted me to learn something and I learned it!" I eyed him over my shoulder. "You never should have sent me there."

"I know that now." Felix sounded almost solemn. "Whatever Sampson brought back with him wasn't the girl I tossed in, was it?"

I shrugged. "That's where you're wrong. It's still me. Like I said, I just learned something over there is all."

"And what did you learn?" He wondered.

"That you were wrong."

"It doesn't seem I was," He said. I chuckled softly.

"You said I was made to be a queen. You were wrong."

"Aye?"

"I'm not a queen, Monroe." I turned to face him. "I'm a damn Empress." I grinned. "And, honey, you should see me in your crown."

I didn't bother to watch his expression. I just turned and walked.

Pushing my way through the garage door, I skipped down a long, dark hallway decorated with dark wooden pieces that I was sure had cost more money than they were worth. I smirked upon hearing Felix's footsteps trailing behind me. Whirling around and walking backward, I grinned at my former torturer.

"Got anything you didn't wanna say in front of your minions?" I taunted.

"I do, actually." He huffed a laugh that held no humor. "For the record, I'm sorry."

My expression soured. "No you're not."

"I am, truly." He placed his hand over his heart in a gesture of sincerity. "I apologize for my greed and my stupidity. I unleashed you upon this world; that will be my greatest regret, I think. I made you into a plague and I lost control over you."

"You never controlled me," I hissed.

"And I the second I realized that I should have put you down," Felix said. "I just hope the Winchester's don't make the same mistake."

I shook my head. "That's the think, Felix. They will."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not." He shrugged.

"I guess I'll find out, won't I? So! Where's this friend of mine?" I asked, rubbing my hands together.

"Two doors down on your right," Felix answered. I glanced at the door he was referring to then back to him.

"Ooh, goodie. Before I open it, why do I get a present?"

Felix shrugged. "Call it a joke."

I nodded. "Dope."

Then I skipped over to the dark wooden door and grasped the handle. It wasn't locked, of course, so I pulled it open. I didn't look for traps. I knew Felix would never stoop that low. The room was pitch black and there were no windows, but I found the light switch easily enough. Bright fluorescent bulbs flicked on and washed the space with light.

Sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of the room, was a rather muscular man. His arms and legs were tied to the chair and his head was tilted down. I may not have been able to see his face, but I would have recognized that old, grungy cap almost anywhere. I crossed the space between us and tapped him on the shoulder. The man inclined his head, squinting against the light, but when he caught a glance of my face, his usually bright eyes filled with terror.

I had forgotten how fun it was to instill that level of fear. I smirked.

"Hey there, Benny! I haven't seen you since the Hunger Games!"

~We'll never get free Lamb to the slaughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water? The price of your greed Is your son and your daughter What you gon' do When there's blood in the water?

Beg me for mercy Admit you were toxic You poisoned me just for Another dollar in your pocket Now I am the violence I am the sickness Won't accept your silence Beg me for forgiveness~

Lyrics from: Blood In The Water by grandson

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beneathashadytree · 3 years

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May I please request Lucien from MLQC, comforting his beloved who hasn't yet learned to love herself? He loves her dearly and is infinitely patient with her, and won't ever stop loving her because he truly wants her to believe in herself and accept that she is worthy of being loved. Any genre is okay. Thank you so much!!! ❤️ I am infinitely patient and love your writing, so please take your time and no need to rush my dear. :)

EVERY INCH IS LOVED - LUCIEN XU X READER

Warnings : lots of talk about insecurities (body image issues, acne, intelligence), self-worth issues, implied depressive episodes, I think maybe one curse word? reader is gender-neutral!

Genre : hurt/comfort (my heart ached writing this)

Word count : 3.3K (I got carried away sfsgjssj)

Additional notes : I am so, very, really, terribly sorry this is so late! I hadn't received the notification for this, and by the time I checked my email over a month had already passed. I tend to write the reader as gender-neutral, but if you'd like me to change that to a reader using she/her pronouns, I have no qualms doing that! I did my best making this longer than usual as some sort of compensation for the long wait, and I hope you enjoy it. And remember, you deserve all the love there is in the world, and your insecurities are certainly things people who care for you find endearing about you.

Synopsis : Putting up a care-free front was hard enough as it is, but pretending you don't have raging insecurities when you're married to the ever-perceptive Lucien Xu was a plan set to fail from the start.

Requests : Are open! Check the rules over here.

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Masterlist

For a man like Lucien Xu, nothing he did was ever as simple as it seemed. The concept of being so multi-faceted applied itself to all aspects of his life; his research never targeted just one scientific area or one single hypothesis, his words of advice were never suited for just one situation, and his actions were never quite what they seemed and never had one clear motive. This enigma that he was shrouded in and infinite slyness also slipped through in his love life, as was to be apparent to me further down the line, seeing as half of his softly spoken words and carefully done actions had hidden messages.

Lucien's method of approach was oh-so-subtle that even I, in such close proximity to him, didn't notice for months. It was in the simplest things he did that just slipped past me---but come to think of it now, he was awfully sweet not being blunt about it.

***

"Where are you off to now, sweetheart?" his voice was gentle so as not to startle me, but somehow I still jumped with my hand halfway on the doorknob, as if I subconsciously felt guilty for what I was about to do.

Sheepishly smiling, I gave him an honest reply, "Just wanted to buy some groceries. We're seriously lacking fruits and veggies in our fridge."

What I'd certainly expected was a surprised look to be etched onto his face, considering that I'd never considered myself the most avid health-nut. Hell, I never thought too hard about what I stomached because of how hectic my schedule had always been; most of the time I was eating just as a source of nutrition and almost never out of enjoyment of the meal itself.

However, a recent acne break-out had had me tugging at my hair in frustration, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that one of the most probable reasons behind it was the fact that I often indulged in late night snacks when both Lucien and I were engrossed in our work. As the spots increased in both size and number, no doubt egged on by stress, I increasingly felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin, and since that certainly wasn't possible, what I could do was cut down on the sweet vices and resort to healthier (albeit far less enjoyable) snacks.

But for some odd reason, my husband paid me no mind.

Lucien turned back to his morning paper, not giving much thought into his words as he offered, "I'll come with, we're all out of your favorite chocolate and my white tea anyways."

"I don't think that's a good idea," I began to nervously pick at my skin, unaware of what I was doing, watching as Lucien still set down his glasses and the folded newspaper on the coffee table, making his way towards me, "It's not good for my skin---"

"Nonsense," he briskly brushed my interjection off, slipping on his shoes, "All's good in moderation. What isn't good is to ban yourself from occasionally indulging in the things you like," turning to me as he opened the door, he gave me that gentle smile of his that had his eyes turning into crescent moons, "Shall we? Any later and we'll end up stuck in morning traffic."

There wasn't a hint of aggression in his words nor his voice, and yet somehow they were spoken with finality that had me sighing helplessly and following after him.

***

Days came and went, and I was still yet to pick up on his slyness, even when I was forced to go on an impromptu shopping trip for Anna's vow renewal over the weekend (which had, rather expectedly, gone completely over my head) and he'd invited himself to come along with me since it was his day off anyways.

He kept himself entertained with picking clothes while I took the liberty of trying them on, but the current predicament I was facing in the almost claustrophobia-inducing fitting room was that nothing seemed to look right anymore.

Perhaps the fact that I'd been cooped up at home and the office working for hours on end without being able to squeeze in any exercise in between was to blame? Or maybe it was because of me resorting to junk food when I was too tired to whip something up in the kitchen and Lucien was stuck at the research center until godly hours? Well, for whatever reason it was, I was rather put off by the way all the blouses I would've normally fawned over were too snugly fit around me.

Turning around to inspect every inch of every top I picked, I frowned deeper as I grew more and more disheartened, the frustration I was feeling causing me to huff as the more I stared the more my size bothered me; like an itch that just wouldn't go away.

"Sweetheart?" I could hear his inquisitive voice from the other side of the door separating us, "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing much," I grumbled, my voice coming out a bit muffled as I slipped out of a particularly pretty chiffon blouse in my favorite color, wistfully staring at it as I hooked it once again to the hanger, "Just nothing looks good on me right now, so I'm kinda put off, you know?"

As I opened the door, I found him standing right in front of me, "No, I really don't know, I don't think there's a single outfit you wouldn't pull off amazingly," despite how honeyed his words might've seemed, there wasn't a hint of flirtation hidden in them; his tone was as deadpan as though he were stating a fact, "I think that chiffon blouse would look beautiful on you, seeing as that color really suits you," he didn't even bother waiting for a reply from me, simply opting to pluck the top from my hands and briskly walking off to the cashier, "Come on, knowing you you'll still need some time at home figuring out the make-up look you want to settle on."

With a chuckle, I followed after him as he began to pull out his credit card, a serene smile on his face as I gave his free hand a firm squeeze of thanks, my thoughts already distracted by a dozen make-up ideas that I remembered seeing on an artist's blog a while back.

***

The third time his intentions had slipped past my notice was sometime during the colder winter nights, when Lucien and I were keeping ourselves decently warm at an indoor party, clad in heavy clothes and wrapped in a million scarves and hats we could barely hear anyone speak.

Despite all that, Lucien seemed to be enjoying himself very much as he carried conversations with colleagues with ease, the pleasant lilt in his voice attracting everyone, even myself. However, after a few minutes of trying to listen in and realizing that I was struggling to make head or tail of anything they were discussing, I began to tune them out, feeling significantly worse about my own capabilities and intelligence. The gap between my husband and I was just far too large for me to be oblivious to, and the sudden epiphany struck me like a knife to the chest.

Seeing as I was his plus one to this get-together, I couldn't just up and leave without the risk of publicly embarrassing him---something I wouldn't dare to do, given how highly he was regarded by society and fellow scientists in his field of work. Feeling rather inadequate while sitting beside such a renownedly brilliant man as Lucien, I began to fiddle with the loose threads at the end of my skirt, my mind going blank and all thoughts replaced with a hint of sorrow.

I hadn't even noticed that I'd begun to hunch my back over and I wouldn't have, if it weren't for the calming voice in my ear that snapped me out of it.

"What's on your mind? You haven't spoken much all night," there was mild concern laced in his words, but not enough to upset me.

I looked up to find his violet eyes peering at me, and I could only give a half-smile back, "I'm sorry, I'm just really lost 'cause I have no idea what you're talking about."

The second I replied, he reached out to gently pat the top of my head, the weight of his hand resting on me very grounding. That beautifully reassuring smile of his crossed his features once again.

"My little fool, you should've just said so," he chuckled helplessly, "You act as if you don't know that nothing brings me greater joy than explaining things that interest you."

As he began to stroke my hair, I mumbled under my breath, "Didn't want to embarrass you."

Nothing seemed to ever take him aback, not even this comment. Instead, all he did was kiss my forehead in a surprisingly affectionate manner and spoke once again in that leveled voice of his.

"You couldn't even if you tried."

And then he was off, launching into a detailed yet somehow perfectly simplified lengthy explanation of the topics they'd been discussing, before I could even as much as utter a word of thanks.

***

Despite thinking that I could put up that front for so long, I should've known better than to believe that such a tangled web of lopsided smiles and half-assed laughs would hide how I truly felt for too long.

It's not that I was being fake on purpose or anything of the sort; I hated to think that I was tricking Lucien into thinking I was someone I was not... but for some reason, I felt absolutely mortified to show how deeply ingrained my insecurities went. They expanded and took over every inch of my life, rendering me helpless at times I thought I had full control. My intrusive thoughts lunged at me when I least expected it, and I thought that I was doing a fairly good job protecting my husband from them.

Alas, an act can only be put up for so long before the truth is revealed, as I was soon to come to realize.

Being home alone guaranteed me the safety of being able to allow all the horrible thoughts to eat up at my insides. It was sick, being satisfied with and even liking the fact that I could let myself do that without worrying about slipping up in front of Lucien. I was giving my pile of insecurities permission to penetrate every bit of my mind, and as much as I knew it was a terribly destructive habit, I couldn't bring myself to stop them.

My heart ached in my chest as I lay curled up on the bed, tangled in a mess of sheets in the darkness of our bedroom. The only light was that of the moonlight flitting in through the blinds and barely touching on the scattered objects in the room, providing just enough vision for me to try and ground myself. I wasn't even actively trying to stop the onslaught of nasty ideas circulating in my mind; as a matter of fact, I was almost welcoming them, a chiding voice in my head telling me that I deserved to hear what I felt was the truth, and that I shouldn't run away from the reality of things.

Utter hatred for my own self and my state of mind crept upon me, and I couldn't bite back the choked sobs that tumbled from my lips. Clutching at the pillowcase so hard that I was close to ripping it apart, I had to squeeze my eyes shut in a pathetic attempt to completely forget my surroundings and melt into the mattress, as if that would make things any better. So caught up in my own little world of loathing and self-deprecation, I failed to notice the sound of footsteps in the chilly room, too busy shivering and bawling my eyes out.

In spite of that, I wasn't startled by the fact that the bed had dipped beside me. I had completely lost track of time while I was wallowing in my self-pity, so it certainly was to be expected that Lucien would at some point make it home during my crying-fest.

For a long while he didn't speak, and I felt too shameful to bother stopping my tears at this point. My 'secret' was out in the open, and there was no use in lying about it, so I just let him be. His hand was deftly fingering through my hair, tenderly caressing in a languid, unrushed manner. The solemn atmosphere mixed with his gentle touch caused my crying to slowly cease, sobs being reduced to measly hiccups and the occasional whimper, quickly being replaced by a hollowness in my chest. It wasn't any better, but it wasn't any worse at the very least.

I knew he wouldn't broach the topic unless I was the one to initiate conversation; it was just who he was. He was far too careful to just throw caution into the wind and risk me pushing him away for being too nosy---though, in all honesty, if he were to ever directly ask me about anything I'd spill all my darkest secrets. That was the thing about him that had stuck throughout all these years: he was far too comforting of a presence to hide anything from him.

I don't know what prompted me to speak then. For whatever reason, I just blurted out the words lingering on my tongue.

"I feel like shit about myself."

"I know."

Taking in a shuddering breath, I went on, "I try to act like it's not a big issue, but it's constantly on my mind, the feeling that I'm never enough."

"I know."

"And I have to give myself a million pep talks before I can even think of doing or saying anything out of fear of putting you or anyone else off," I began to ramble, unaware of the fact that a terribly sad look had settled on Lucien's features as he hovered above me, "I pray and hope that one day I'll wake up and I'll magically think higher of myself all of a sudden, but every day I'm hit with the feeling of never being enough because of any shortcomings I have," my hold on the pillow tightened once more as the hand on top of my head stilled, though the weight was still reassuring, "I try to get through every day things without fussing too much over details, but it gets harder and harder to breathe whenever I find myself falling short of the standards I want to reach."

"I know."

Clenching my fists, I dared to look up at those unfathomable violet eyes that seemed awfully shiny to be anything other than burdened with emotions.

"Then how do you," I choked a bit on my words, before trying again, "How do you deal with me? Day in and day out?"

Shaking his head, he reached out to pull me into his chest, his arms tightening around me so I was impossibly close.

"Silly," his voice from above me was much thicker than I was used to, "I never see it as dealing with you. When you put it like that, you're implying that you're some sort of burden, and that couldn't possibly be farther from the truth," he laughed a breathy laugh, "I want to be with you. In sickness and in health, in joy and in sadness. The fact that your heart feels heavier than others means that there's just more of you to love harder."

Tugging at his loose tie, I barely manged to look him in the eyes with my blurry vision and boiling frustration at myself, "But Lu, it's not your job to take care of me---"

"You're right, it really isn't, so that should be a clear indication of just how much I genuinely want to give you all the love I have," he pressed on, his eyes firm as they'd always been when it came to matters he took more seriously than anything, "I don't force myself to do things. Not anymore. Everything I do for you, I do willingly and with intent. Alright?"

Seeing my wary expression and watery eyes hesitate as they flit back and forth between his strikingly handsome face and a distant point, Lucien's large hands slowly made purchase on my cheeks, cupping my face as he made sure I could read no doubt in his own eyes, even in the room that only received a sliver of moonlight.

"When I mention that you look beautiful, I have no reason for flattery. We're well past the courting stage for that to even be a useful tactic," he gave me a lop-sided smile, inching even closer to me on the bed, "When I tell you how highly I think of you, that's brutal honesty, because I've never truly valued much in my life, and you were among the very rare exceptions," expression growing solemn, he went on, "It's rather odd, but I had no sense of living without aim, until you came waltzing into my life once more," deft thumbs began to gently wipe away at the stray tears that escaped my eyes, "Everything was a drab shade of black, white, or gray, but since your reappearance as someone I truly cherished, everything just burst into a flurry of colors. And I can't be more grateful for you, my love."

The overwhelming urge to fling myself in his arms and burrow myself a home against his chest won against the need to hide away from his words. A raging inferno of complex emotions was bubbling inside of me, and I couldn't help but choke at their intensity, wanting nothing more than to say something, anything at all to reply to him. Alas, words failed me and drowned in my throat, and all I could do was cry silently as my body shook. Lucien's warm palms were rubbing my back soothingly, and his voice was almost angelic when he spoke once more.

"I know things won't suddenly heal over, but I know for a fact that every inch of you is loved by me, and I will never give up on pushing you onto the path of self-love," his arm finally settled to hook itself around my waist, while his other hand nestled the back of my head, giving him enough space to press the sweetest of kisses against my temple, and while the cacophony of screaming voices in my head didn't mute themselves instantaneously, I could sense their voices growing a bit fainter, for the time being at least, "And I won't stop until you can see for yourself exactly why I love you so fiercely, alright darling? That's a promise."

And knowing him, Lucien Xu, as incredibly elusive and conniving as he often was, had a knack of keeping promises and seeing them through right until the very end. Even as I clutched his shirt so dearly in the dark room, desperation clinging onto my heart, I was sure that Lucien would be there by my side on the road to feeling comfortable in my own skin. It really was only a matter of time as long as I had my wonderful husband by my side.

Taglist: @thispersoniscrazy

#imagine #oneshot #mlqc #hurt/comfort #lucien xu #lucien mlqc #mlqc lucien #xu mo #mr love queen's choice #mr love lucien #mr love lucien xu #mr love xu mo #otome #otome games #mlqc lucien xu #lucien xu mlqc #love and producer #evol x love #koi to producer

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chaerincore · 3 years

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valentine’s (2017)

on the most romantic day of the year, chaerin returns home in pieces after experiencing her first heartbreak, and, at the time, jaehyun is the only one who can be there for her.

warning(s): angst, swearing, mentions of insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, broken-up relationship, just sadness bro ):

notes: this post connects to the unreleased song performed by chaerin during mirror mirror, part i era. not all of the original lyrics are associated with the context of events, but it’s pretty easy to tell which ones actually are. thank you to @promptsforthestrugglingauthor! i used prompt #1701 for inspiration help <3

tags: @skzfairies [send me a request in my asks to join!]

lee chaerin deemed herself as the leader of the anti-valentine’s day committee. she now despised the day of love and claimed she always would. the holiday had officially left a terrible aftertaste in her mouth.

lee chaerin never knew that heartbreak would feel like this. lee chaerin had never before felt herself fall apart like this. lee chaerin had never once understood the unbearable, pathetic, gut-wrenching desire to be wanted by someone who doesn’t want you back. not until this very moment.

though it was only her first heartbreak and breakup, the seventeen year old swore that she would never fall in love ever again, even the smallest thought of it had left a nauseating feeling in her stomach.

she sat on the bus in a mono blue colored sundress and a jean jacket, biting her lip hard to try and not let her lip quiver. the more she kept thinking about how much longer she had until her stop, the more that the entire drive felt like an eternity. she was itching to get home and find comfort in eunwoo, who was supposed to be on his day off like her.

the second that she was able to get off at her stop, the young girl bolted. running down the sidewalk as fast as her legs could take her, she even ran all the way up until she reached the apartment she lived in with the other three members.

chaerin unlocked the front door with shaky hands and heavy breaths, harshly swinging it open and slamming it shut behind her as she immediately rushed to eunwoo & jaehyun’s shared bedroom, frantically knocking on the closed door as she felt her stomach ache from holding in her emotions for too long.

the door opened, revealing not eunwoo, but jaehyun on the opposite end, his eyebrows knit in confusion as he saw a breathless chaerin on the other side of the door, but let her in without a second thought

“where’s eunwoo?” chaerin asked quietly, pulling on a lose thread at the end of her dress, refusing to give eye contact.

“he’s at the company today, remember? it’s just the two of us off for the day.” jaehyun answered, his curiosity growing as the youngest member nodded her head in understanding, mentally cringing that she got the members’ schedules mixed up.

jaehyun wasn't a fool to know that something happened during the date that she went on with her girlfriend of two years, chuu. they were still supposed to be celebrating valentine's day together, but here chaerin was, clearly bothered and disheveled by whatever had happened earlier.

"is everything okay, chaerin?" jaehyun asked softly, watching as the shorter girl continued to fidget with her dress, not wanting to look up at him, but her lip began to quiver and she shut her eyes tightly in hopes to conceal her emotions, again.

finally, she shook her head, looking up at her leader with tears glossing over her vision.

"she broke up with me, oppa." she whispered, her words automatically causing jaehyun to gently pull her into his arms, and that was when chaerin finally let everything go.

sobs racked her body as she clung onto him tightly. hot tears fell freely, staining the boy's shirt, but he didn't care. he held her close to him, letting her release everything she'd been bottling up inside - he knew that she wouldn't let a single tear fall until she was in the safety of the dorm, or in another member's arms.

"on valentine's day, too, of all the days, who does that?" chaerin cried out, her words were muffled as she buried her face into jaehyun's chest. jaehyun could only sigh, resting his head on top of hers as he rubbed comforting circles on her back.

jaehyun was certainly no expert at knowing what chaerin needs like eunwoo does, but he knows well enough what eunwoo would do in any kind of situation like this. she might've wanted to see eunwoo, but the fact that she still went to jaehyun himself for comfort anyways was a big step in strengthening their bond.

it relieved jaehyun to know that chaerin clearly trusted him enough to let him see her at her most vulnerable state.

he'd make sure she didn't regret it, either.

after ten more minutes of jaehyun holding chaerin in his arms and her letting everything out of her system, they sat side by side on the floor at the foot of his bed with her head resting on his shoulder.

"do you want to tell me what happened, chae?" jaehyun quietly asked, "you don't have to share anything with me, but know that i'm here for you." he told her softly, his heart shattering into a million pieces as chaerin's teary eyes glossed over again, her arms weakly wrapping around his torso.

"she said she doesn't love me anymore, and hasn't since november," chaerin sniffled, bursting into tears again at the memory of earlier events resurfacing, "she said 'we lost the spark'." she said weakly, "oppa, what did i do wrong? was i not good enough for her anymore?"

those words crushed jaehyun, he swore that he almost started crying too.

"you did nothing wrong, chae." he responded, pain filled his voice as he pulled her into a tighter, comforting hug, "you're so much more than just 'good enough,' you loved her so much, nobody can really stop themselves from falling out of love."

"have you ever been in love before?" chaerin suddenly asked in a tired whisper, not moving her face that was buried into jaehyun's (now soaked) shoulder.

"i have, but only once."

"what happened?"

jaehyun sighed, biting his lip while pausing for a moment, considering if he should even tell one of his members the reason why things changed.

"i made the mistake of my putting my future over them," he explained quietly, raising his hand to gently remove the knots out of chaerin's hair, "it was the worst decision i've ever made, i never want to hear you telling me that's why you broke up with someone, okay? if you love someone, you don't walk away."

"i won't be in love anymore, anyways, but thanks for the lesson, oppa." chaerin mumbled, letting out a heavy sigh as she leaned into her older brother's touch, "if this is how love is, i won't let myself fall in love ever again." she said bitterly, scowling at the way that her heart still hurt and yearned for someone who tore her apart.

"and fuck valentine's day, worst holiday ever."

#CORE4 #kpop au #kpop coed group #kpop imagines #kpop extra member #kpop ocs #ateez au

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robin-the-enby · 3 years

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Hey! I love your matchups and I really want one with on the black butler characters.

I am ISTJ and even though I was born in America I come from a Mexican family. So I am fluent in Spanish and English. Along side of Mandarin Chinese (still learning) and Japanese (still learning)

Appearance wise, I have olive skin, long wavy/curly hair that reaches my tailbone (i like putting it in side braid). I also have long bangs that quite often fall over my glasses. And just too lazy to move them. I also have dimples when I smile. I will bite anyone who try poke them.

Personality: I can get hard to know at first because I have trust issues (my heart has been broken okay) . Not too mention people don't try to get know me because of my major Resting Bitch Face. They think I am judging them or that I am scary. But I am not... I am attentive so I will stand up for myself and anyones else. I am patient. Also, after you get to know me you will realize I am a chaotic crackhead with a melodramatic persona. Like "your star is here!" "The stage is calling for me. Move out of my way" "the spotlight is on me so could you move you crusty face?" I like to tease and flirt with the people I am close to. I zone out or daydream a lot. And in the worst times. It could be a serious meeting and I am chuckling because of something in my head. Which have scared people. It could be during a conversation and I will stop listening. But I will always feel bad and apologize.

I also like to scare people. Like tell them the unsolved cases or horrific cases that I know (I love unsolved cases) . This is also why my little siblings hate me. Turns out talking kids murder cases and disapperinv cases was not appropriate for bed time story... woops.....

I like to pop out of nowhere and either flick or playfully punch my friends and say boo. I do accidentally roast people. I don't think before I say things. And don't realize until hours or days later. And I am like "shit"

I am sarcastic and that has gotten me in trouble before. My friend asked for my advice and I didn't know she was being serious. So I gave her a sarcastic advice and she came back to me mad. I was like "shit you believed me?"

Likes/hobbies: i like my anatomy class and I like to read, write, meditate (because I get stressed a lot). I really like to dance and listen to music. Which my music taste is everywhere: Kpop, classical music, jazz, jpop, Spanish songs, rock, metal. Every music genre except for country. I like to play the violin.

My passion lies in the arts and crafts. I would like to do illustration and photography. More specifically street fashion photography and and event photography. Like weddings and funerals. Yes funeral photography does exist and I will like to do it. Since it is also special event. I draw a lot of portraits and landscapes. I have been told that my art is either scary or mysterious. Though I can get a little caught up with my passion. I practice to get better with no rest.

Flaws/toxic traits: I am not empathetic or sympathetic. People always thought I didn't care about my friend's issues. I do i just don't understand them. My compassion does make up for this and will give advice. My other flaw, is the high walls I build to protect myself. I am there for other people. But people were never there for me. People have manupliated me and that cause me trust issues. I don't know how to handle negative emotions like depression, anxiety, self doubt, procrastination. So I just isolate myself in these moods. They really take a toll on me and make me think I can't do my passions. I am afraid of commitment because of toxic relationships i had before.

Love language: I am not obvious with affection. (Because no one ever gave me it). I show it through my teasing and flirting. My love language is however Act of Service. I will help my s/o with anything they need. Chores, work, advice, etc. Sort of the mom of my friend group. But a Savage mom as I have been told. "Stop crying, here I made you a cookie" "do I need to hurt someone" "don't worry I can get coffin with a lock in it". I am also an aggressive supporter. Like "No YOU are beautiful. YOU are gorgeous!" (This happened when someone gives me affection and time try to turn the attention to them as way to hide my fluster)

I will call my s/o like "stupid" "idiot" but in a endearing way. Okay. Occasionally I will use "beloved" and "Cariño/cariña"

I am not good receiving verbal affection or physical affection. I was never given affection so I am not used to it. I will start blushing and stop working. I will also probably say "idiot" or turn the attention to them like "no.. u" but I think fails because I am terrible at hiding my blush. I get easily flustered with affection okay. But I won't ever admit that I like it. Though it is obvious.

Sexuality: i am bisexual so it doesn't matter what gender I am paired up with.

Funt fact i guess?: I love small plants, plushies, and banana milk. Like I have hundreds of different kinds of plants and they each have their own name. Like GGmo, Lily, Melody, Edward. I love Banana milk as I said. I drink it every evening. It always get me happy so when I am sad or had a bad day. I drink banana milk and I am happy. It is also to make up for my coffee addiction. I am addicted to coffee. My friends said no coffee and I was like fine banana milk then :)

This is getting long now... bye.

I'm glad that you like my matchups, I'm trying my best tbh😅 I match you with:

Sebastian Michaelis

Sebastian is very curious in nature, so he definitely wants to know what you're really like, not the front you put on.

He's also very charming when he wants to, he makes it very easy to open up to him and get comfortable around him.

Sure, he, as a demon, doesn't really care much for humans, so when he doesn't have to play the polite, kind butler, he probably has a RBF as well, however, I think that changes when he's interacting with someone he loves.

His sweet words may have been a mask at first, so he could see the real you, but the closer you two become, the more he means every word of praise, encouragment or comfort he utters.

He would most certainly be amused by your crackhead self once you do get comfortable around him, but it's not really his vibe. He wouldn't scold you for being loud, brash or inapropriate, like he does the other servants.

If he's in a really good mood or when the situation calls for it, he can be dramatic as well. Sometimes he'd do it just to get on Ciel's nerves XD

One big pro of being with Sebastian is that he lets you off the hook a lot. If he was talking to anyone else and they'd space out, oh honey, he would stare them down so hard, it's sending chills down my spine just thinking about it. But if it's you it's like a complete 180, Sebastian can't possibly be mad at you, everyone spaces out sometimes, those things just happen.

The other servants make sure to be on your good side so that you could intercede with him on their behalf.

You can't scare him with your true crime stories, but you sure as hell can scare the others. And you can bet your ass Seb's gonna help! The plan is: You tell the story and then he's gonna pop up out of nowhere behind them, giving them mini heart attacks.

If you try to scare him though, you'll need to be on guard 24/7 until he gets you in return. And even if your on guard all the time, he finds a way to scare the life out of you.

Your humor is practically the same, I mean, Sebastian is great at off handed remarks/roasts and sarcastic comments that you have to look for to really see them. You two could be talking shit about anyone and everybody would be like "Oh yeah, normal conversation, yes"

Sebastian would love to dance with you. And trust me when I say this, he is good at any type of dance. If you two are ever at a ball, prepare your feet, because he's not gonna let go of you the whole night (unless his master is in danger of course).

He would be your #1 supporter, he'd go with you out to take photos, and if you asked him to look at some, he'd take a good long look at each and every one of them and describe in detail how he feels about them. Also would go to any art shows you'd host if it came to it.

When it comes to sympathy and empathy, Sebastian also has a hard time showing these feelings. He's been alive for far longer than any human on Earth and he's a demon. He's never had any of the problems humans have, so naturally he doesn't kniw what it feels like to have them. Plus, before you came into his life, he didn't care much for them either.

However, he's gonna be there for you whenever you need him, emotionally or practically, even though he doesn't get your feelings.

You both have walls put up, you because of bad past experiences, him because as a demon, he has major issues with being vulnerable in any way. And I'm not talking just emotionally here, but demons are almost undestroyable, yet they have very few weaknesses that they just need to hide away.

It's rare Sebastian has a problem, but even if he had, you wouldn't know, because he thinks you, as a human, wouldn't understand and so he won't burden your mind with it. However, he's very perceptive and so if your behaviour changes, be it due to anxiety or a depressive episode, he'll know.

Now, he's not the type of person to try and break down your walls by force, but in situstions like these, where he's not sure how to help, you gotta talk to him and he won't leave you alone until you tell him how he can help.

He's not above carrying you around and doing everything for you until you're embarassed enough to tell him

He is very appreciative of your help around, since the other servants are good at everything but what they're supposed to do.

You with your tough love and Sebastian with his teeth rotting compliments and affection, it'd be honestly really funny to watch. He adores how you show affection, because it's different from most people he's known. But on the other hand, you can't expect him not to spoil you afte all the hard work you do every day?

He would really shower you in love and affection, because you deserve it and because it makes you flustered XD

#black butler #kuroshitsuji #black butler matchups #matchups #requests open #black butler x reader #black butler x y/n #sebastian michaelis #sebastian michaelis x reader #sebastian michaelis x y/n

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meetmeatthecoda · 3 years

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Lately, I've found myself drawn to stories ( and I mean drawn to as in envisioning those stories in my head, thinking them through to the very last detail, not reading, let alone writing them down, because I've long since accepted that they will never turn out quite the same on the paper ) where Red is the one who'd been seriously hurt and, therefore, rendered unconscious for an indefinite amount of time and worried Liz is the one who doesn't leave his side, hoping and praying and pleading that he would wake up. Probably, something that has to do with how unfair it is that we've seen Red keep vigil by hurt!Lizzy's side – playing music for her, holding her hand, reading to her etc. – a number of times and yet, over the course of 8 seasons, never have ever been allowed the pleasure of seeing Liz do the same for him ( not even when he was shot – because she left to retrieve the Fulcrum and couldn't come back until the fight was over – or when he was poisoned – because she'd been waiting to be cleared to see him and he ran away the moment he wasn't actively dying, because that's Red for you all ), even though she loves and cares about him as much as he loves and cares about her.

I mean, just imagine the possibilities!

Liz pacing around the waiting area of Red's mobile hospital while he's in surgery, unable to think about anything else other than how he looked – battered and broken and barely alive – when they've found him and how his head rested in her lap ( she could almost convince herself that he was merely dozing, if he wasn't so deathly pale and still and there wasn't so much blood on his clothes and her clothes and her hands and the backseat of the car ) and his hand was limp in her death grip as they rushed him to his doctors and she whispered words of reassurance and encouragement to him even though she knew he couldn't hear her and how she had to fight the instinct to curl around her lover and snarl at anyone who would come close because she can't let him be hurt further as the medics took him away from her, exchanging observations and orders that didn't sound particularly reassuring. She's also acutely aware of the fact that Red is fighting for his life – there, just a few feet away from her – and, though he's the strongest man she's ever known, he may not win, and so she makes a promise to the empty air in front of her that she will kill him herself if he dares to give up on her and Agnes like that now, when they've just reached the good, right place in their relationship, just confesses their feelings to each other. At some point, Dembe most certainly pulls Liz in for a hug, letting her cry in his shoulder, doing his best to comfort her ( even though there's nothing that can bring her more comfort than Red's hug, when he – alive and whole – wraps his arms protectively around her and holds her close and lets her hide from the whole world in his arms, his chest, his shoulder and neck – wherever she prefers to burrow her face at the time – and the memory itself makes her cry harder, because there's a possibility that he will never hug her like that again ), even though he's just as worried and scared as she is, and Mr Kaplan helps Liz clean up, washing away Red's blood from her hands and producing seemingly out of the thin air fresh clothes for her to change into.

Red, of course, pulls through the surgery, beating all odds, and Liz's heart floods with relief at the good news before sinking when the doctor explains to her and Dembe and Mr Kaplan the extent of Red's injuries and that it's impossible to say when – or even if – he wakes up.

And so the waiting game begins. Liz doesn't leave Red's side, holding his hand, stroking his knuckles with her thumb and never letting go, constantly talking to him and reading to him and even asking Dembe to bring the record player and some records from the Bethesda apartment to play to him, hoping that it would elicit some kind of response from him. Yet, as they days go by, there's not a single, smallest sign that he's aware of anything that's going on around him, that he's still there somewhere and is trying to find his way back to her, to them – he doesn't stir, doesn't so much as flutter his eyelashes, and Liz grows more desperate with each passing day, even though the doctor assures her that Red's slowly but surely improving ( but she can't see it with her own eyes, and if she can't see it, she's less likely to believe it, the more time passes with him just lying there, undisturbed by the loud, chaotic world around him ).

And then there's Agnes... While Liz keeps vigil at Red's bedside, the babysitting duties are split equally between Aram and Samar, Charlene and Cooper, Ressler and Audrey and Dembe and Mr Kaplan. Yet more often than not whoever picks little Agnes up from school and / or her ballet classes brings her over to the safe-house where Liz and Red are. She doesn't seem to be as unnerved by Red's state as her mommy is, climbing on his bed each time she visits ( after giving her mommy the biggest hug, of course ) and leaning in close to him, examining his face thoughtfully before half-asking, half-stating "He's still tired, mommy?". And Liz usually replies with a hoarse "Yes, baby" because she doesn't trust herself not to get choked up if she tries to answer more eloquently. Agnes simply nods then, satisfied with the explanation why he hasn't woken up yet, and settles against Red's side – mindful of his injuries and the spider web of wires and tubes connecting him to all sorts of monitors and machines – and either naps ( especially, on ballet classes days ) or tells her mommy and Red ( she talks to him just like Liz does much too easily – promising him to show him the new moves she's learnt when he wakes up etc. – as if she's already done that before or seen anyone else do that... unbeknownst to Liz, she did both – when Liz herself was in a coma, Agnes both saw Red talk to her mommy and was encouraged by him to talk to her, too, because it may help her mommy sleep easier and maybe she'll get better sooner and finally wake up ) about her day or does her homework or draws ( more often than not, she draws either cards for Red to read when he wakes up or just things she wants him to see ). And when the time comes for her to leave, she always kisses Red on the cheek, wishing him "sweet dreams" and to get better soon, and then gives her mommy, who tries so very hard not to tear up but fails miserably, a hug and a kiss, too, and tells her frequently that she shouldn't cry because Red is just too tired, just like she – Liz – once was, and that he just needs to sleep a bit more.

And when the door behind Agnes closes and Liz is sure her daughter won't see / hear her, she breaks down hard, in big, ugly sobs, because her little girl shouldn't be acting so naturally in this kind of situation and because she wishes so hard that Red just woke up, because she can't do this, any of this, without him.

In the end, once his body has healed itself enough and he regained enough of his strength, Red, of course, does wake up. It's a slow process, and Liz thinks she might either faint or go mad from the overwhelming feelings that are swirling inside of her when Red moves for the first time in what seems to her like forever – squeezing her hand feather-lightly – and when he leans slightly, unconsciously into her touch when she strokes his cheek – out of habit, without even expecting any sort of reaction from him and being pleasantly surprised – and when he opens his eyes for the first time – it's a brief occurrence, with his eyes slipping shut tiredly again after just a few moments, and he's still pretty much out of it, apparently, not even noticing her presence by his side, but for Liz it's a major event – and when he finally, finally looks directly at her – alive and conscious and alert – and calls her "Lizzy". He's still weak and his voice sounds terrible and Liz knows she shouldn't let all of her pent-up feelings – the fear and despair and frustration and love and relief and exhaustion – out on him like that – he's just woken up, after all – but she can't hold back the tears nor the jumbled mess of "thank you"s and "I love you"s and " "I've missed you"s and "I'm so so happy you're back" and "I was so worried" and "Don't ever scare me like that again" that spills from her lips as she leans in to kiss him lightly and give him the gentlest of hugs...

(Since I'm not a ficwriter and, therefore, have no intentions of using this pile of ideas/images/feelings myself, I wouldn't mind at all if you or any other writer drew inspiration from this rambling of mine)

Ahhhhh 😭😭😭 Are you sure you're not a fic writer, anon?? Cause this reads like some quality hurt/comfort to me!! 🥲🥲 Honestly, this is a lovely scenario to imagine & it gives me a slightly bitter sense of satisfaction to think of Liz suffering through just a fraction of the time Red spent by her side while she was in her coma... especially if it's the catalyst for fEeLiNgS to emerge tee hee bc, you're RIGHT, we were woefully deprived of those situations in the show & I'll never not be sad about it tbh. More specifically, things I love the most about this in no particular order: Liz having to "fight the instinct to curl around her lover & snarl" *swoon*, Liz swearing she will kill him herself if he dies LMAO, Dembe hugging her for comfort & Mr. Kaplan helping her get cleaned up 🥺🥺🥺, Liz playing records for Red yasss, AGNES & everyone taking turns babysitting her while she misses her Daddy desperately but deals with the situation with a maturity & grace beyond her years in an effort to help her grieving Mommy through it cool cool mkay mkay, Liz only breaking down once Agnes leaves OWWW, anddddd Liz being a blubbering mess when Red finally wakes up & calls her "Lizzie" & they kiss *whispers* it's fine, i'm fine 🙃 IN CONCLUSION, I love this anon, thank you for sharing this lovely little AU with me!! 🥰 And much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

#The Blacklist #Lizzington #Agnesgate #thoughts #headcanons #mine #ask #anon #ughhhhhhhh #this mini fic is packed with feels #and punched me right in the face #thank you for this gift anon #:')#much love!!#<3

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