cripplecryptid · 11 months ago
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DRAINED.
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goldkirk · 8 months ago
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I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE!
#I DON'T HAVE TO LIE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING#IT DOESN'T HAVE TO OVERRIDE ALL OTHER PROGRAMMING EVER AGAIN#HA#MY GOD THAT FEELS LIKE TWO DECADES OF RELIEF#and I found out yesterday. that this year. next winter. it IS two decades. exactly. this is the year. every day i am shown new reminders#that keep me going in my mission to relearn to fully and instinctually trust my self#ever since [redacted therapist] asked me point blank and my IMMEDIATE response was complete disbelief#a firm 'you think there's any universe where i'd feel like i could trust myself? after my nonstop history of failures and being horrible?'#tone “No!” of disbelief#and a horrible way-too-harsh laugh that bolted out before I could strangle it off and stop it.#that woman never coddled my feelings any time I spoke something alarming or bullshit and that was so helpful to me#and the tone she let exist in her voice when she responded to me with a very uncharacteristic “Oh Katie.”#was so. so much more agonizing for me. than her responding with an immediate logical slam-dunk of the truth about healthy behavior and stuf#anyway ramble over i'm so tired. i've done so much trauma work this week i am Drained emotionally#now i see what the past several months but especially especially#the baffling (to me) infuriating out-of-control-speedrun-somatic-processing + every-health-condition-flaring slog that December and January#were for me when I hadn't expected anything to be wrong#...and the extremely specific way this certain zone and particular incident kept coming up over and over and over and over and OVER was not#a bug. it was a feature. thank goodness i trust myself for little things now bc that's the only way i was able to get to this other side#and look back and suddenly realize that my subconscious and body knew what they needed and had a plan in progress the whole time. just like#i rationally say I trust them to have and do.#and that perhaps maybe. for real for real instead of just TELLING myself hard enough a lie that i trust my self and i trust my body and tha#they always know their own needs and timing if really slow down and listen to them f u l l y#anyway. yeah. bye haha i need to stop oversharing on the internet#trauma evolution#shh katie#personal#my god. i wished for this day more than i wished for anything else my whole life. all these many many many many years. what magic.#add to journal#abuse
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yuriyuruandyuraart · 1 year ago
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posting this wip before i go to bed cause i'm so so tired aughgah<333
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coquelicoq · 2 years ago
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yeah sex is great but have you ever unflooded your street by removing leaves from the storm drains using the litter-grabber tool you bought from lowe's two weeks ago for that exact purpose?
#every year my street floods in the autumn when it rains heavily. usually multiple times. every year!!!#i hate it it's so stressful. and of course the cars keep driving down it even though it's unsafe. a lot don't even slow down#and they throw up these huge walls of water with their passage#the street becomes totally unusable for pedestrians wheelchair users bikers strollers etc.#it's just the worst. and every year i'm like oh i should get a thingy so i can do something about it#and i never do in time. but this year. THIS year. watch out world#i cleaned out the drains preventively a few times in the past couple weeks but today is the first day of somewhat heavy wind and rain#so i went out this evening and two of the four drains were completely clogged :( but i got out my tool & as soon as i cleared a little spac#a whirlpool formed and sucked all the water into it! with this amazing noise. it was fantastic#then i cleared away the rest of the leaves cuz that tiny spot would get covered up very quickly otherwise#i came back by an hour later and they're still looking great <3 i'm basking in the afterglow#it is funny how much easier a homeowner could do this than me. those people have yard debris cans#they have space for shovels. god. a shovel. my kingdom for a shovel#i'm just piling the leaves on the curb one handful at a time and then leaving them there (out of the way of everyone of course)#because i have nowhere else to put them and no way to transfer them farther distances#but it's mostly just apartments near this intersection so we gotta do it for ourselves#anyway i'm probably gonna have to do it again tomorrow because there are a lot of dead leaves out there right now#but man! i've never been able to do anything about this before except call the city and wait for them to send someone. this feels so good
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fbfh · 2 years ago
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It's not just me right?????? You guys are actively losing your shit and all sense of decorum too right??????????? I need to bite him right fucking now. Every Evan Peters character I've come into contact with has completely and utterly fucked up my brain chemistry and I've only seen four of them. And one of them was fake Pietro from wandavision. I was disproportionately attracted to him too. GOD what is it about Kit Walker that fucking makes you go into heat around him?????? It's like the strongest pheromone attraction ever. He exudes it. There's no escaping it. When you're around Kit Walker you're going into heat like a fucking omega. He's... he's a switch too but like a service switch. He loves getting topped by you so fucking much, it feels so good when you use him to get both of you off. God the way you scratch your nails down his back and chest when you're bouncing on his cock like that. It's so good it feels unreal. You squeeze around him so tight, a mixture of your arousal pooling at the base of his cock, dripping onto his balls as they tighten up and twitch, desperate to fill you up, to make a couple little babies with the love of his life. Other times he knows when you need him, when you need him to lay you down and make sweet love to you until morning, until all you can think about is your husband and how much he loves you. And he does, he loves you so much he almost doesn't know what to do with himself. Almost. He knows every spot, every move, everything to say and do to make you feel as good as you make him feel. He wants you to feel loved, appreciated, beautiful and special and like the absolute dynamite knock out that you are. But you know what you really want to do when you see him like that??? All soft and relaxed and casual, sleepy and smoking in his underwear?????? You're so overcome with the desire to fucking suck his soul out through his beautiful cock that you think it must be an act of god. He doesn't realize how fucking attractive he is, how female gaze, what he does to you. he really genuinely does not realize what he does to you. so when you see him like this and can't stop yourself from straddling him and slipping your hands under his shirt and grinding against him it always comes as a surprise. every time. it's especially surprising when you're making eyes at him and dropping big hints but he doesn't realize what kind of hints they are at first. you see him lying there like that and sit on the bed next to him, resting your head in his lap and looking up at him. you slip your hand under his undershirt, caressing his warm skin where it rides up. you bat your pretty eyes up at him and he touches your cheek while he talks to you around the cigarette in his mouth. even just his voice alone is enough to have you squirming, so he really doesn't realize what he's doing to you until you scooch over and start mouthing at him through his underwear. he lets out a flustered laugh as it finally clicks, and he takes the cigarette out of his mouth, the smoke wafting gracefully out of his lips as he chuckles, watching you closely. you squeeze his thighs and press your face into his cock, desperate for him. you can feel him start to harden and grow against your tongue and lips, leaving a wet patch on the fabric as you literally drool over him. you can taste some of the precum you're drawing out of his cock, getting it to weep just for you. god, he even smells good, so masculine and ready for you that you want him even more. everything you're doing feels so good, Kit finds himself already moaning shamelessly before you've even pulled him out. when you finally pull him out, finally lick up his shaft and press sweet little kisses to the tip that draws the most beautiful cinematic moans out of him, when you finally get a taste, you both know you're in for a long night. he watches you with such deep love in his eyes, he wonders how he managed to find someone as wonderful and amazing as you are. you must be an angel, he thinks, there's no other explanation for it.
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autistickaitovocaloid · 9 months ago
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I need to move out.
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hiratelier · 11 months ago
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Many thoughts running through my head as I prepare to upload my last UTAU cover of the year because I'll barely touch the silly singing robot program next year when I have more exciting things to work on...but even then it feels like you're saying goodbye to a close friend you've been with for almost 9 years
#mine#text#currently i am trying to finish a cover for my utaus' 9th anniversary next year and man#the spark for making robots singing usually isn't there nowadays but when it comes to my own utaus#god it does feel nice working on something!#this entire year i've been pumping out covers that first started as an outlet for my creativity#but then halfway into the year i kept getting into creative ruts and it was frustrating because i only limited myself to one outlet#so discovering animatics...gaining new interests...and picking up new skills has helped me branch out from utau significantly#but i will say that using utau bestow me lots of skills that will prove useful beyond just making utau content#i guess working on this one cover helped me reflect on that some more...but god it's kinda making me emotional#even most of my friends who used utau back in the good old days have moved on to other things now and i'm sort of in that boat...#it's not too fun trying to enjoy utau by yourself but honestly i think it all boils down to the fact that i was forcing myself to--#--enjoy using utau constantly. and that spark to create new covers just dies out.#i suppose that coming back to utau once in a long while to work on something nicd amidst working on other projects is something that's--#--more healthy for me yknow? i know i'm sort of betraying my utau-oriented audiences on youtube and bilibili with the way i've been slowly-#--moving away from utau and uploading other kinds of media and interests#but i'm opening up a new chapter for myself in making more oc media and animatics and they're more than welcome to stay along for the ride#i think i'm running into tangents at this point but what i'm trying to say is that for me uploading utau covers weekly was draining#and with me moving away to other projects and not being too hard on myself...my creative drive is slowly coming back#and maybe once in a while my creative spark for using utau apart from anniversary reasons will come back better than ever#and i will try to keep my own utaus alive as ocs apart from singing robot shenanigans and diffsinger development#it is a hobby i enjoy for myself after all and its not supposed to be a chore
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diverse-hearts-ocs · 11 months ago
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//Free health care is wonderful until they fk up and it takes a thousand years to have that mistake fixed -_-
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hey alexa what’s the morality of pretending you picked up a spare shift at work and that’s why you ghosted your friend for a day because talking to them is draining and you were very tired last night and now it’s been over 18 hours and it’s a bit awkward to respond now
#silv's back on her bs#vent#sors but oh my god#i love my friends i love him but it's just so.#it is so draining talking to him when all he seems to talk about is how much happier he is (which is v good im happy for him) now that he's#friends w me and some other people and how we're so much better and we're his best friends and his other current friends are the worst and#his life USED to suck but now it's so much better but remember how much it sucked and yk fuck whatever we were talking about before when we#can talk about how bad the past was for him i just#i feel so bad for saying that bc i genuinely love him (/p) and want to be able to talk to him but i'm so drained from literally everything#else going on in  my life that when i see his notifs pop up i just. can't be bothered to open them#he texts the gc last night like 'you guys have different friend groups that you eat w at lunch right?' (we have lunch together every other#day bc of club stuff) and when me and my other friend was like 'yeah what's up' he starts going on about how his current friends suck and#ignore him and i feel so bad for being annoyed at him for this but i just#need a second to BREATHE for gods sake#i do not blame him for feeling terrible and i know that I need to tell him how im feeling but i just.#i'm consistently never getting enough sleep and am piled under assignments that were due way too long ago and i'm drowning okay#and i feel like there's literally no one there as a lifeguard that i can count on and someone that i thought could at least be floating#above me (not needed to save me but at least There) is pushing me down further#i just#god#sorry that was a bit silly of me
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noxtivagus · 2 years ago
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ahh i'm so tired sorry i haven't been really active lately but i promise i'll fix all these stuff up n be well for the new year soon
#🌙.vents#i'll just ramble for a but ig. i can't.. let myself go to anyone at all for stuff like this but it hurts more when i keep it all to myself#oh wait good morning i guess i got around 9 hours of sleep huh#lovely going to sleep n waking up w tears in my eyes yeah absolutely Great#the future i want is. unrealistic i suppose#god i hate being pessimistic i prefer holding unto hope n i truly know better than all these burdens but#it hurts. all this pressure n then it just feels so lonely. i don't know if i belong in this world#every now n then when i just think of.. stuff my heart feels like it's being sharply stabbed with cold n then suffocated a bit#n then i'm crying even more as the whole emotion overwhelms me everywhere#but i suppose it's better this way. i'll hide this part of myself from the rest of the world n heal on my own#perhaps it's stupid of me to think i could do that on my own but i'm just so tired i might as well do it on my own now#it feels like everything is falling apart. wishes dreams hopes. every word forgotten#n.. i know it's not entirely this way but fuck it feels like it's all my fault for messing everything up#my mind is in a dilemma n it's like i'm just constantly fighting w myself inside#it's so draining#but i have a reality to face so i'll just. i'm sorry i'll bury it#i'm sorry to the words i used to write to myself then. i don't want to let them go but i suppose they were too 'naive' for this world#i don't have anymore energy to reach out. ffs i just want to be better n do better but i'm so tired#i don't want to forsake my younger self but.. i'm sorry maybe i'll just live out all this in my head instead. as i used to do#i have a lot to do dw i'll get up n face them#it hurts. i don't want to hurt myself but i can't be productive like this n#the other better way is. not for someone like me yk i don'r have much friends i'm too shy but all of them have closer friends n#apollo deserves more my family deserves more than me i'm sorry i just want to be myself but maybe that's not needed at all in this world#i'm not enough so i might as well go along this path. i know it won't make stuff better but. it fucking hurts i'm sorry#that sounds so sinister without the rest of the context dw i'm not gna do anything too extreme but. i have to be well enough to live in this#world. yeah.#i'm. oh my god this hurts bcs i know better i really do but these thoughts just persist n it hurts so much. it hurts so much#i don't want to lose myself to these negative thoughts bcs i rlly know better but god it hurts it hurts#i'm afraid bcs if i.. hide properly or wtvr i know i can be good enough to. idk pretend cleanly that i'm fine n destroy all the progress#i've built. but i don't want to lose myself. i know better but i'm stuck in my head n it hurts so much i'm sorry
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yo9urt · 4 months ago
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guys i kind of love being graduated
#mine#nothing wrong with school i love learning and i always did well but god i just hated the time drain#and last summer when i had a (nearly) full time job and was putting in good work and getting paid relatively well#it made me realize how much time i was spending on school and how i was NOT GETTING PAID FOR ANY OF IT#and i was like -_- fuck this#so anyway it's just nice to not have to go to class and do homework and all that shit anymore#i actually have time in the day for hobbies and personal studies and goofing off and doing whatever#(alongside job apps)#which is nice :)#im starting to dig my claws in a little more with japanese im learning about pitch accent now :) even tho i never speak it lol#but im trying to set good habits for myself so when i DO get to speak it i can speak it better#i had a sudden burst of motivation yesterday i was thinking about how bad i wanna go to a bbhf concert and i was like man..!!#i was even googling how much it costs to go to japan lol it was actually cheaper than i thought it would be#maybe because of the yen usd exchange rate? like the flights were $$ but hotels and food and stuff sounded pretty inexpensive#maybe sometime next year if i'm lucky...hmm...i guess first step is getting a job so i can get more $ and benefits and vacation and stuff#i want to get my hysto next year too though...hmmm...maybe i could do both...#when i do visit japan i also want to go to nara (<- deer furry wants to see deer irl)#this is really off topic ok point is im having fun being in charge of my own time and my learning. :)
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cutielando · 3 months ago
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Hi lactation and breeding kink with max pls!!!!!
breeding | m.v.
warnings!!: smut, p in v sex, lactation kink, breeding kin, mentions of post-partum body insecurities
my masterlist
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Max was absolutely feral about you.
He had thought that he couldn’t resist you before, when you were hot and sexy and all that he desired.
But then you got pregnant, and in his eyes, you were hotter and sexier 10 times over.
So sexy that he was thinking of knocking you up again, only a mere couple of months after you gave birth to your son.
You would be wary of that every time you would find a couple of alone moments, the thought of Max getting you pregnant again very present at the back of your mind.
This time was no different.
Your son had just gone down for his afternoon nap, and Max had found the perfect opportunity to love on his woman.
He had you sprawled on the bed underneath him, his shaft deep inside of you while his mouth was all over your chest. He was biting at the skin of your sensitive and full boobs, sucking every time his tongue would glide over your erect and leaking nipples.
"You look so fucking good" Max whispered against your boobs, making you moan and clench around his thick shaft.
"You feel so good" you whimpered out, your hands burying in the hair at the back of his head.
Max never failed to make you feel like the hottest woman in the world to him, especially since you struggled with your self-consciousness during your pregnancy.
But now, how could you not feel like the hottest woman when Max takes such good care of you?
"These tits are so fucking perfect. So full and plump, feeding our child and helping him grow" his attention was fully on your breasts now, his hips slightly slowing down but still thrusting deeply inside of you.
You couldn't form a single thought, the pleasure you were feeling blinding you to everything else. You had been so busy lately with your baby, you hadn't even felt the extent of your need for Max to just make love to you, fuck you like he used to.
Max was sucking on your nipples, pinching and twisting at them until he noticed droplets of milk squirting out of them, something which made him even harder inside of you, his cock swelling against your tight walls.
"This is so fucking hot" he murmured before his mouth dove to your nipples, sucking and sucking until he felt his mouth fill with your delicious milk, listening to your squeals and moans as you became stimulated from your pussy and nipples at the same time.
"Oh my God, Max" you moaned out, arching your back and pushing your boobs in Max's face.
He felt like he was in heaven. His cock was giving you the fuck of your life, his mouth was draining you of your milk and his fingers were now rubbing harsh circles on your clit, the coil inside of you threatening to burst at any moment.
Max's thrust sped up, his orgasm building faster than he had realized. His thumb was rubbing your clit and applying pressure, his mouth was not letting up on your boobs, and the combination just blindsided you as your orgasm ripped through your body, your walls fluttering against his cock which spurred his orgasm on, shooting ropes of cum deep inside of you against your cervix, your mixed moans echoing through the room.
As you slowly came down from your high, Max's soft cock was still buried deep inside of you, keeping his cum as deep as possible, while his mouth was sucking lazily on your boobs, the new taste of your milk already getting him addicted to tasting you.
"You're gonna get me pregnant again if we keep this up" you joked, feeling the vibrations of his chest against your as he looked up at you with mischief in his eyes.
"Oh, I'm counting on it"
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kissitbttr · 1 year ago
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a very tired miguel who gets home from work and gets babied by his woman
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It's close to 9pm as you're lying on your bed. keeping your focus on the book you're reading, one that you failed to keep as a part of your routine due to your busy schedule with work. being a fashion designer has it's perks but it also has its dark sides too. especially when it comes to dealing with snobby ass clients
as you are about to flip to another page, you hear the front door opened. keys rattling against the ceramic bowl with a loud sigh follows after. a soft smile appears on your face soon as you realize who it is
“miguel? Is that you?” you softly call out your husband’s name while putting the book down.
"si, mi amor" he appears shortly by the doorway. your tall and handsome fiancee adorned in an unbuttoned white shirt that showcase a bit of his chest and paired with black trousers. a simple work attire but never fail to make your knees wobble. the sight could put any Greek Gods known to a man to shame.
your heart breaks a little seeing how tired he looks. his eye-bags are coming off too strong. a constant reminder on how he has been working himself far too hard despite you telling him to take it easy. but that's just how he is, stubborn.
"how's work my love?" you ask, watching him undress himself, revealing his exposed toned chest before putting the clothes away with the rest of his dirty ones in the bathroom. "I take it, it wasn't a good day?"
"you could say that" he replies tiredly, grabbing a pair of sweatpants off the chair and slipping it on. "trying to get ahold with the new recruits is a fucking job, Peter's been getting on my nerves and I'm working on advancing the technology we have right now in order for it to be easier to identify every single anomaly's DNA we've come across to. But the amount of hypotheses and research I've done are nowhere near close to how I want them to be."
"i would ask Tony Stark for help but que cabron esta muerto" he breathes out a sigh, pinching the thick skin between his brows. "I'm drained, mi amor... i can't fucking do this shit everytime--"
"no hey.. stop" you shake your head, hate having to see your man fronting a distressed look in his face. “come here, Miggy” you pout at him patting your chest for him to lay his head,
he sighs heavily. plopping into the bed and carefully lays himself on top of you. pounding head finding comfort in the warmth of your chest, snaking his big arms around your waist.
you put your arms around him, locking him tightly as your soft lips kiss his forehead making him purr.
“my pretty baby. exhausted aren't you? hm?” you ask in a cooing tone. he hums -- which sounded like a growl to you-- with a nod before nuzzling himself closer. “oh my poor poor baby... my handsome man. always working himself to the bone” another kiss on the forehead
“come up a little closer, hm?” you ask as he barely shifts his body. too lazy and far too comfortable in your arms like this for him to move.
you run your fingers through his soft hair, moving a piece that’s covering his forehead. looking down to see him close his eyes, yet not sleeping.
it’s so funny to see how this freakishly large- broad man who always seems to bring a cold presence that scares everyone off at work—which is technically true— then turns into a huge softie and a love puddle for you in a split seconds.
it’s truly a privilege that you’re the only one who gets to see and feel this
“look how cute you are, baby… do you know how cute you are, hm?” you coo at him, lips kissing his nose and the sharpness of his cheekbone. trying your best to console him in hopes of washing his stress away.
he lightly shakes his head. “no” a curt reply rolls of his mouth, drawing your body closer to him if that's even possible.
you pretend to gasp dramatically at his answer. fingers still stroking his hair lightly. “you don’t?! oh no! we have to fix that! you’re the cutest *kiss* most handsome *kiss* hardworking *kiss* man I’ve ever known” showering him with compliments in between kisses. he breathes out a small chuckle that muffles against your chest.
it’s obvious that miguel rarely gets treatments like this, he’s no one to shy from things but you're his only exception. the only person who truly can get him blush like a little kid when he's shown the slightest bit of affection.
“who’s baby are you hm? are you my baby?” a smile graces your lips as your eyes casting down to his pretty features.
“me. I’m your baby” he mumbles, tightening his grip around you. "always be your baby"
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inspired by @webslingingslasher their frat!peter work yall is making me [REDACTED] please go take a look!!
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muntitled · 4 months ago
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condom or no condom enhypen
Legal Line × Fem!Reader
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.ᐟ Cw: Nsfw, Breeding Kinks, Slight Toxic behaviour, Unprotected Sex, Coercion
- I love these asks
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- Heeseung | No Condom
• My brain has unfortunately typecasted Heeseung as a bit of a slut who really enjoys raw sex. If you do succeed in tying him down, I'd say he forges wearing a condom any chance he gets.
• He wouldn't check to make sure you're on birth control. It's the recklessness of the act that gets him off
• The only occasion in which I do see Him asking whether you're on birth control or not is during sex to get himself off more on the fact that you're not.
"Fuck, I need to be inside you," he'd make quick work of pulling his pants down
"W-wait Hee, I'm not on birth control
"Fuck, are you trying to make me cum already babe-"
- Jay | Condom
• I like to believe Jay treats his girlfriend like everything else in his life: with meticulous love and care.
• He's incredibly safe and incredibly careful. You'd probably have to coax him out of not wearing a condom because he's so incredibly careful when it comes to you.
• He also has a massive breeding kink which doesn't help him trying to be good for you.
“Let's do it without the condom, babe,” you'd bring it up to him while you're both naked in a nest of blankets scattered around you both. Despite how good he tries to be for you, despite how responsible, Jay's cock twitches the moment those words leave your mouth.
“W-We can't, c'mon. That would be irresponsible-”
“Jay says These words all while his eyes glide down your naked body, imagining what exactly it would be like to fill your body up with his cum. Like he was marking you.
“...Maybe just tonight.”
- Jake | No Condom
•Whose shocked?
•You'll be at the shops and this boy would purposely forget to buy the condoms, kissing up the side of your neck when the shopkeeper is scanning your products at the till to try and distract you from the fact that there are no condoms!!!
• Condoms are a one and done thing for Jake. He tried it, didn't really feel it that much and hasnt really been a fan since. He enjoys feeling his girl convulsed around his cock when he's about to cum. It's the act of cumming inside that makes him delirious with horniness in the first place.
“Just let me in, babe, please?” he'd be kissing up the side of your neck like he usually does when he's horny, pressing his bulge into your ass while you're just trying to make some dinner.
“No, you fucking forgot to buy condoms again, Jake-”
“And that's a bad thing?”
- Sunghoon | No Condom
•Hottake but Sunghoon’s a seductive little shit just like Heeseung and I think he'd tried to coax you into the idea of not wearing a condom.
•Or, no, not even. He'd just point blank, not buy any condoms without telling you. He'd throw your birth control down the drain because you don't really need that shit anymore, and I believe he'd feel like he has that right as your loving boyfriend.
•When you ask him about it, he'd be honest with you because he did nothing wrong in his eyes.
“Uh, babe,” you try to push him off of you, but Sunghoon’s size alone has you melting into his kisses. “You bought the condoms right?”
He'd break away from kissing you momentarily before furrowing his brows cutely and asking, “What? No, of course not,” he'd immediately go back to sucking on your skin while murmuring, “Don't be silly,”
- Sunoo | Condom
•Like Jay, you'd have to coax him into the idea because it's one that he never really had before. Sex had always registered as needing to have the involvement of a condom or some form of protection in his mind.
•He definitely does have an undercover breeding kink as well, one that you probably need to coax out of him because again, he doesn't even know he has it.
“Oh God, I think I'm close,” Sunoo’s head would shoot back into the pillows while you ride him. His eyes squeezed shut because if he looked up at you now he would cum.
It's definitely something about you using him like this to get yourself off that has his cock twitching inside.
“Fuck, babe, are you sure about this?” His cheeks are flushed red and so is his neck. Nothing but sweaty ruddy skin. You ride him further, as if reassuring him.
“I need you to cum inside-”
“Y-You can't say shit like that- fuck-” his hips would stitter up into you, effectively cumming inside you for the first time but certainly not the last.
- Jungwon | No Condom
•He's apart of the ‘Fuck I wanna cum inside her so bad but I don't wanna be a bad boyfriend’ Club
•He doesn't tell you that he wants to cum inside, that he's already spent many evenings jerking himself off to the thought of what it might feel like actually cumming inside you without the intrusive walls of a condom to suppress his orgasm.
•He'd have these little fantasies in the dead of night, jerking off silently beside your sleeping body. Or at least, he thought you were asleep, but you'd hear everything. All his little whispers affirming his fantasy until you confront him about it.
"Fuck, Princess, just like that... You're doing so well," After a few minutes of sloppily grinding against him fully clothed, with Jungwon’s hands gripping your sides, urging you forward, he'd be worked up enough to share your little idea with.
"Jungwon, baby, I have an idea," you whispered in his ear, nipping at his earlobe, eliciting another wave of lust. "Can we do it... without a condom this time?"
His cock jumps in his pants and he unknowingly presses you further against his bulge.
"A-Are you sure? I mean, fuck-” He was still trying to be the responsible boyfriend.
“Do you not trust me, Jungwon-"
“Of course I trust you baby it's just- fuck- I don't think I'd be able to pull out, quick enough and then I'd probably have to run to the store to buy you a plan b and-”
“Would it be so bad if you came inside?”
Your words would unconsciously have his hips stuttering upwards, before he drags a hand across his face.
“Fuck you're trying to kill me…”
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gotham-daydreams · 1 year ago
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Not Tonight
[Platonic! Yandere! Neglectful Batfam × Gender Neutral! Sibling Reader]
[Warnings: Mentions of Neglect, Reader generally not having a good time.]
(Not proofread. Not too much Yandere shown. Mostly angst with Reader. Set up(?))
2nd chapter here. Chapter 3 Pt. 1, Pt. 2. [Series Masterlist]
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How many times have you heard them say that? How many times have you tried to do something with them, to share your passion — or even just have some coffee with them, only to hear them say that phrase time and time again.
"Not tonight."
Well, what if you didn't ask them during the night? What if you asked them in the afternoon, or just when they were already up and about?
"Sorry! I can't right now, patrol reeeally kicked my ass last night. Besides, I have some other things that I have to get done, but maybe next time! For sure!"
Okay, right. That makes sense. Sometimes their line of work can be tough and draining, especially when someone is trying to run Gotham to the ground that night. So what if you just try to ask them when they aren't so busy? It may really limit the times you can ask... but you'd still try. Maybe it could also help if you asked for smaller things, like if they'd just like to spend a little time with you before going out again, or if you could just hang around them for a while? Nothing big, and anything was fine. Even if it was just sitting next to them, and having some small talk. Or maybe just the sitting part if talking was too much.
You'd take anything at all.
"I'm actually heading out right now, so I can't stick around. Go ask someone else."
"Can't you see that I already have enough compang with Titus here? Go bother Drake or something, I don't care."
All you could hear was snores past the door when you went to ask. So you moved onto someone else, hoping for a yes as your heart began to squeeze.
Someone had to agree eventually, right?
You begged the Gods as you traveled down the long halls. The chills of reality creeping up on you.
"Sorry, I'm going out to hang with some friends, but maybe next time!"
"..." She just looked at you before shaking her head, and taking her leave.
"I've got something to do at the moment, sorry, but hey, maybe you could ask your old man? Oh! Or maybe Alfred. That's a good idea."
Dick was out in Bludhaven, and you didn't want to bother Barbara considering how bisy she must've been the other night. So, you had no other choice. You asked, heart bleeding from how hard it squeezed.
"Not now."
Simple, to the point, and sharp.
Bruce's words were as cold as ever, and yet the echo in the cave only seemed to make the gap between you and him feel so much bigger. Even as you just nodded, eyes pointed to the floor. Taking your leave with a soft sigh that barely escaped you.
The elevator ride was longer than you remembered. The cold chill in the air grew freezing even as you stepped out, and now stood in one of the many halls in the Wayne Manor. Portraits and pictures decorated the walls, their painted and photographed eyes staring at you. Their gaze far from soft, but at least it was present. At least they, in that way, felt present.
You swore the only times they ever smiled at you that wasn't faked, or just for the sake of appearances was in those paintings and photos. Honestly, it was also probably the most times they've even looked at you too, and as sad as it is — you did say you'd take anything, right?
A 'no' or 'maybe' was part of that anything, technically. It's just not what you were hoping for.
Sighing again, you stared up at one of the portraits, eyes shinging under the lights as everything you refused to say made itself so clear for a moment. You didn't want much, and never asked for more than what you were given. You didn't think so anyway.
You always followed the rules, you did more than just excel in all your classes no matter how hard it was for you to understand certain things, and you even tried to get into things your family seemed to enjoy without pushing too hard.
You studied up on all the pets Damian had so that you could not only care for them properly, but maybe even take care of them with him some day. You played games and read reviews on games you saw Tim play just for a chance that maybe you'd get the opportunity to play with him. You picked up boxing and have even been practicing your aim with an airsoft gun, and have also been going to certain place when you could to practice using real guns and learn about them just so you'd maybe be able to have a conversation with Jason, and even connect with him in some way. You even read nearly all the books in the library just to have a sliver of hope for something, anything.
You learned sign language in three different languages and tried to find out what Cassandra was interested in, just to have some kind of interaction with her. Even writing on small note cards in serval other languages in hopes she'd give some kind of response, even if you forgot to put your initials and such more than several times. You participated in gymnastics in hopes of getting closer to Dick. You tried to find out what Barbra was into so you could also hold up a conversation with her if given the chance. You've tried to match Stephen's energy and do things she likes and have even taken up material arts as a means to maybe be a little closer with everyone!
Yet it never seems like enough.
Your schedule was so packed and filled with activities and extra lessons of all kinds, just so that you could feel like you had something in common with someone in this family. So that, when given the chance, you'd be able to form a connection with one of them and your efforts and sacrifices wouldn't be in vain. Though that still had yet to happen.
You weren't even a vigilante as you tried to persue your own passion and dreams, and yet that one single thing seemed to be keeping you away from everyone else. The one thing you were unwilling to do for them just seemed to make the gap between you and the rest of the family grow bigger. They're constant and continuous dismissals only seemed to further that point.
Just... what were you doing wrong? Was you not being a vigilante and constantly putting yourself at risk every night really putting that much of a dent in your relationships? Did your dreams really get in the way of that? Just because you didn't want to put yourself in danger? Just because you wanted to pursue music instead?
You took up art despite not being super interested in it before. You've been reading all of your life. Your stretched, ran, exercised, cooked, cleaned, organized, sang, wrote, danced, and even sculpted. You picked up almost any hobby someone could have under the sun, even if it began to feel like a chore and a job to you, just so that you could have something, anything in common with this family.
Though now you've gone through countless 'hobbies', and dropped many more since nothing seemed to be working, it... it still didn't feel like enough. Like you had to be doing something more despite having lost countless hours of sleep, just to go through the list of hobbies you had written down that you had left to try. You even took up some sports you were somewhat interested in, and yet nothing clicked.
Though is that really surprising when no one noticed how many times you snuck out for lessons and practice, or how long you were out? When you'd even forget to return to the Manor sometimes, and anyone still had yet to notice you were even gone in the first place?
... You couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped you. It was broken in every way, and yet empty all the same. Maybe you were finally taking after Bruce, but you wouldn't get your hopes up.
You looked up at the painting as if it'd give you all the answers, and yet dismiss you at the same time. The disappointment you felt was normal to you at this point, but the aching pain that came after was always the hardest part. Yet you still stared at the painted faces as if they were your real family, and the people close to them. Looked at the calculated and skilled brush strokes as if they'd give you what your family couldn't. What they refused to give you at every twist and turn, no matter how much you tried to accommodate to them. To do things for them. To just feel worthy enough to stand by their side. To be closer to them.
Though in the end, it is only that. A painting. A well crafted piece that, no matter how skilled the artist, could never truly capture how distant and vague they felt when you were the one standing to the side. No matter how much experience the painter had, they'd never be able to express and show how this poor excuse of a family felt to you, because they were only like that around you.
Maybe you'd feel special if it didn't make you feel like you were wasting your life living like this...
Eventually, you were able to tear you eyes away from the painting. The moon beginning to rise as you were sure the Manor was becoming more empty than it usually was, as more of its visitors and residents left.
The painting itself was nice even if it was one of many that didn't include you, with the number of photographs without you in them being much higher. Honestly, it used to be one of your favorites despite how bittersweet you feel about it now.
You still remember that day, but that would be implying that you forgot the others.
Regardless, you managed to pull yourself away from the spot you had been stuck in for the few moments you were trapped inside your own head. You tried to make yourself feel a little better, and give yourself some reassurance that maybe tomorrow would be different some how, and if not? Perhaps the day after, and the day after that.
Yet it all failed as you passed by more and more memories. Some were events you had participated in, sure, but the pictures made it look like you were never there in the first place. Heartwarming moments littered the halls, but you only recall seeing them from a distance — or being aware that the moment had even happened only when you saw the picture be put up.
It was like the very universe was trying to send you a sign with your constant failures and your family's persistence, intentional or not, to keep you at a distance. You didn't even know if it was appropriate to refer to them as your 'family', and maybe it wasn't considering things, but you still weren't sure.
You had been fighting for a chance to talk with any of them about anything at all for the longest time, because you wanted to be a part of this family. You wanted to spend time with them and really give this 'new life' of yours a chance, but now that 'new' part of this life had worn off. It was hard and honestly more draining than it was rewarding at this point, but you still wanted to give it a try.
Sure, it had been years at this point and now you were just about to go into college, and when you had first arrived here you weren't even middle school, yet little to no progress had been made — you never gave up. You haven't given up. So maybe you could try for a little longer? Just... a little bit, not too much this time, and figure something out?
You almost felt a little sense of hope return to you, no matter how redundant and helpless this situation felt and seemed. Yet it all came crumbling down again when you passed by one of the rooms, and saw something taped to the door.
It was a flier for your performance. One that would be happening soon.
Since your siblings began to pay less and less attention to you as time went on, with your conversations with them growing even shorter, you opted to just tape fliers of your upcoming performances on their doors. Though only the performances you'd thought they'd enjoy, and just hoped that they would show up, if they wanted to, when you stepped onto that stage and approached the instrument you'd be playing for the evening.
You tried texting and other forms of communication at first, but those quickly stopped working and so you just opted for this, and of course it was just as effective as the others.
Alfred was really the only one who listened to your music when you performed, and you only knew that because you caught him playing one of the live performances you had done on the television one day. He not only going out of his way to record the performance, but also trying to find the channel it was broadcasted on.
Ever since you've tried to give him the correct channel number when you do live performances, but that still didn't feel like enough. You loved and appreciated Alfred from the depths of your heart and soul, but what would it take for one of your siblings or close family friends to notice you like that? What would it take for your supposed father to even care to listen to your music? To watch a performance? To not turn you away?
It was only in that moment did a new emotion fuel you. Crawling it's way up your spine as you carefully took the flier in your hands, looking it over before ripping it off the door.
This. This one small thing was all you wanted from them. Over everything else, you just wanted to see one of their faces, one time when you looked out to the crowd when you performed — but every single time, all you saw were strangers.
Every charity event, every gala, every party- that's all you were surrounded by, strangers. Even when you caught small glimpses of them, they were always doing something else, and completely off in a totally different world than your own. That distance along creating a large void-like gap between you and them, and yet it only ever continued to grow. Even when they stood next to you, it was like you couldn't be further apart.
The reality of everything was crushing. Near deadly as you could feel your chest and lungs tighten, with your fingers digging into the paper enough to tear it apart, and reaching your palms as they formed crescent moons, soon drawing blood. Yet nothing could compare to the weight of your heart, and how heavy it felt to carry in your chest.
As you finally moved on from the door, your mind raced. Memories and flashbacks filling your head as every word and notion flashed before your eyes. Barely even paying attention to where you were going, but not caring enough to pay attention.
Every dismissal and excuse thrown your way. Every head shake and blank look. Every confused look, and realization that you were standing there the entire time. Every birthday that passed with the same wish never being granted. Every celebration spent on your own. Every message left on read. Every note ignored. Every time you were forgotten. Every time you were left behind. Every time you brought yourself home, and every time they never noticed. Every night wasted, trying to come up with different things to do only for all of them to turn out fruitless. Everyday that 'maybe' never cones true. Every time you looked out to that sea of strangers, hoping to see someone you recognized, only to find none. Every hour you wasted trying to do something for them while they never once thought of you.
Maybe you'd cry if you could. Then again, maybe not.
You already had spent too many tears over failures you recovered and grew from, and hardships you faced and fought. You've already cried just a little too much during those night you just couldn't handle being so alone, in such a big place anymore. Besides, you've cried enough over people who've never once thought of you. Who never once tried to make time to even see one of your performances, or even allow you to spend a few minutes in their space.
You've given them enough, you think. Especially since after you spent years trying to just make it two thirds of the way — they couldn't even reach that one third of the gap you couldn't. They didn't even try, at least not anymore, and after you had tried to make it easy. Yet, you only hurt yourself in the end.
They never cared about you, and maybe they did once upon a time, but good does that do now when you're trying to go out of your way to make things convenient and easier for them, only for them to skip out on you anyway. No text, no call, no message, no indication, nothing. Just pure silence.
Maybe you were asking for too much, but was it really so bad to want to be loved? And by the people who are supposed to be your family no less?
Hah, who are you kidding at this point. You've just been living in a house full of strangers, and you're the only one who hasn't seen it yet. They've already long since cast you out, and it's only now have you come to truly realize it.
Especially now, as you stand in front of the foot of the door to the music room. Staring at the knob as if it'll turn itself.
You weren't surprised, honestly. Playing music had quickly become an amazing outlet for you, and you had always come here to seek out what little your family couldn't give you; comfort. So it was no wonder that as you collapsed mentally, you had subconsciously brought yourself here.
And yet, only one thought entered your head in that moment.
'They don't deserve to hear my music.'
Perhaps it was now that you decided they had lost the privilege to do so. After all, ever since you had started having performances, even ones in front of wealthy crowds, your 'family' had seemingly been avoiding them like the plague. Never daring to even attend one, for whatever reason, and sure you could understand why they didn't attend the ones you performed at night — but they couldn't use that excuse anymore. You have strictly been playing during the after noon, and at sunset at a push, for over three years now. You've been playing in front of crowds and releasing music for four.
So, you turned away, walking off to your room as your thoughts still stormed. Anger fueling you as you barely remembered storming into your room, collecting any valuables and belongings you had and stuffing them into a bag or two. Not caring about clothes, and only what you deemed important and meaningful to yourself as you just grabbed and shoved everything into a bag if you could.
You could clearly tell now that you obviously weren't wanted, and that no one here even wanted to do the smallest things with you. That even asking to just spend a few minutes with them was too much. So you were doing the only sensible thing, and getting the hell out of here. Moving so quickly that your breathing became uneven, but you didn't stop until you had packed everything you needed, or was important to you in some way.
You only really had a second thought about all this when you were at your window, just about ready to jump out until you paused for a second.
Looking back at the door to your room, you couldn't help but hesitate. There was only ever one person in this entire Manor who treated you like family, and actually put in effort to not only be with you, but to indulge themself in your passion. That met you at the half way mark, and even went a little over sometimes. Since even if everyone else had ignored you — Alfed was there, even if despite all of his efforts you still couldn’t handle this, and maybe that was also your own fault in some way.
You still didn't want to stay, you couldn't anymore, but shouldn't you at least say goodbye? Maybe? After everything... at least he tried.
...
You settled for second best.
Quickly, you grabbed a flashcard and wrote down something before pocketing it and moving back to the window. You may not have any equipment for this kind of thing, but you still managed to scale and work your way around the wall, and managed to reach the window to Alfred's room.
You took a little peak inside, and when you saw that he wasn't there, you opened up the window just a bit, place the small note on the windowsill, and closed it. Then, you skillfully and carefully made your way down, and snuck off to Gotham City. Making your way to a friend's place as you crashed there for the night.
Never once did you look back.
Nor did you ever feel inclined to.
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Later that night, when Alfred read the note, all it said was:
I'm sorry, Alfed. - Y/n
Just with that alone, it was like he understood everything despite the little that was said. All he could wish you was luck, and that you'd be safe wherever you went.
Suddenly, just like that. The nights where melodies would lull the residence of the Manor to sleep, and bring a temporary, mellow peace to all who heard such a tune, were long gone...
Guess they'll just have to find it, and bring it back.
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Kind of rushed at the end there, hope it isn't too bad for a first post. There's probably a lot of mistakes, so apologies for that.
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acid-ixx · 16 days ago
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update and story excepts
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guys i swear if i post chapter 4 sooner for my series: again &. again, soon, will that revive the yandere batfam/dc tag because i swear i've been consuming less content of it both lately and sadly 💔 like it's a bit dead ngl. ill reply to asks once i'm done with ch.4 istg
and yes, i'm back from my short hiatus again to announce this. and it's 3:30am but i dont care teehee. anyways, if i do post a new chapter expect it to be this week and that's final for once, since i've kept all of you guys waiting so long, i'm so sorry :(( i swear it's me trying to gain confidence through my writing and i don't know if i like chapter 4 or not. all i do know is that it's one of the most emotionally draining chapters so expect triple the angst, yippee!
anyways, excepts from the chapter below the line break:
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DICK'S THOUGHTS:
he sighs, resigning his thoughts all to himself as he checks his phone every minute for a simple ring of notifications just from you. he prefers to leave his phone in silent mode from the multitude of other contacts bothering him, but god forbade if that means he'd scroll past to a single reply of yours, then he'd rather burn in hell.
dick doesn't know it. why he's suddenly obsessed with you. you? yes you, his stupidly precious sibling, the one who looked up to him, frail and wronged by the world, with so much drive behind that stare. third child of bruce, yet second youngest in the family. the one that got away, the one he has never once saw outside that one memory of glinting, awe-inspired eyes that told more stories than poets, drew more emotions than artists.
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CONNER'S SCENES:
"you're hot," and if you were sober enough, you would've felt sheer embarrassment and shame from eyeing the boy, but you're not— and because you're not sober, or any bit sane, the next few sentences you spewed out were all coherent, yet wonkily pronounced utterances paired with teary eyes and sniffling nose, as you can't seem to control the feelings of melancholy in your heart and the sudden emotional burst from your ramblings.
"thank you, you too, actually— but are you alright-"
"haha! is it strange to say that you look so cute whenever you look at me with wide eyes in the short span of time we just met?"
"it's conner, conner kent. call me kon, though. or yours if it's you."
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BATHROOM BREAKDOWN P.T.2 PRIOR TO CLUBBING
you don't remember the last time you looked in a mirror, looking healthy, fresh, and proud of yourself for dressing up in your style. in the back of your mind, there will always be hatred, resentment for how you look. and right now, you hate how you every bit of your appearance because...
because you look exactly just like an image of your mother and bruce wayne. a reminder, your punishment for your parents' beautifully tragic affair with one another. a billionaire who courted.the lowly dirt-class slut of gotham.
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(spoilers: expect shit to go down with jason todd with you, and him with the family, and a good 4k words of you flirting with conner before actual shit goes down)
leave comments down below if you do like the direction this story is coming to! otherwise, thank you all for reading my series and supporting it from the start !! <33
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