#But doing The Absolute Most in the most random of posts is kinda my thing

[random-gamer1942]

Howdy, Globetrotter! I have awoken from my slumber to answer your plea for asks. Now, riddle me this! if Bob has 5 apples and the diameter of the sun is 1.3927 million km, How many apples do Jim and Bob have combined?

I've been racking my brain over this question for. A bit

A 'normal' person might say "I don't know how many apples Jim has so I can't answer the question", but that's both boring (because they haven't put in any effort) and stupid (because they haven't given an actual answer). But I intend to give a proper answer

First, let's assume that Bob and Jim are both human being on the planet earth in this dimension. Based on their names, there's also a high likelyhood they live in the United States of America, so let's assume this too

The average American is estimated to eat between 15 and 19 lbs of fresh apples (so not counting apple products, in case you're wondering) per year. It fluctuates quite a bit, so let's take 17 lbs as a semi-safe average. The average apple is 0.33 lbs, so this is 51.5151... apples per year and 0.1410... apples per day

The median weight of apples bags I've found online was 3 pounds, meaning each of these contained approx. 9.0909... apples. This means that each year the average American will get about 5.6666... bags of apples

The average American goes to the grocery store 1.6 times per week, or 0.2285... times per day/once every 4.3749... days. If we look at the average calender year (365.25 days), this is an average of 83.4857... times per calender year. (The diameter of the sun is thrown into this question as a red herring, because it makes you think you should use the length of a true year, about 365.2422 days, but the statistics look at calender years so this isn't actually the case.) This mean that when they get groceries, the average American has about a 14.7327...% chance of also getting apples when they do groceries (which I just realized I will not need)

Oh and actually, given that apples stay good for 4-6 weeks in the fridge (average of 35 days), and the median bag of apples has an average of 9.0909... apples, the rate of eating apple while one has a non-zero amount of apples actually jumps up to 0.2597... apples per day

Given that Bob has 5 apples and assuming the average rate of apple consumption and buying the median size apple bag, it's been approx. 15.7500... days since he last got apples. Assuming that Bob and Jim go to the grocery store on the same days, and that Bob currently has a non-zero amount of apples, he last got apples either 2.6250, 7.0000..., 11.3750..., 15.7500..., 20.1250..., 24.5000..., 28.8750..., or 33.2500... days ago

By calculating the average amount of apples Jim would have for each of these examples (apples in the median bag - (average apples eaten per day × amount of days ago Jim last got apples)), and taking the average of all these examples, we finally find out, Jim will have an average of 4.4318... apples. This plus 5, because Bob has 5 apples, means that we get my final answer:

Approx. 9.431818182 apples

Hope this answers your question anon!

[batsplat]

wait, is there a dovi/jorge feud???? i didn't know this!! also thank you so much for all you do for this community ❤️

not the only ask I've gotten about this and... look, rather than doing a proper write up that would take forever, I'm just gonna give my top ten fun... facts? bits of trivia. tidbits related to the two of them. quite long tidbits, on second glance. the highlight reel, if you will

(1) that time andrea dovizioso made 14 year old jorge lorenzo cry

the two of them already raced each other before the start of their grand prix careers, competing for the first time in 2001 in the cev when dovi was around 15 and jorge around 14. in riveras tobia's biography, here's jorge talking about their first fight:

I led the way at the start and Dovizioso and I escaped. It was our first head-to-head encounter, the first time we raced each other. My dad had heard that Dovi was a really clever rider and he warned me before the race. But just like in 1998 at Jerez, with Olive, I acted like a dummy and pushed for the whole race. I kept looking behind me to see the bastard still there! It was impossible to shake him off, he was watching me the whole race until the last lap. Three comers from the end I could hear his engine getting closer and I saw his shadow to my left, but he didn't come past. I thought to myself "This guy is going to try something in a second!" I decided I had to on a tighter line and close the door. Sure enough, Dovi went wider through that comer and then dived up the inside. I didn't close the door in time and tried to get in his slipstream, desperately hoping I could get him the next corner, but I ran wide and he won. I came back in tears, I didn't even want to go to the podium, I felt so cheated. I'd been on the limit for the whole race and I felt like I deserved the win more than he did.

so that's a nice and positive start! there's something charming about how even fifteen year old dovi was an absolute menace on last laps

also about that race:

'Jorge beat Dovi in Braga but in the previous race at Most, what a tantrum!' recalls Juanito, laughing. 'He didn't even want to go to the podium, he was crying like a baby! I can still see Dani (Antatriain) talking to him, trying to convince him. In the end he went but he didn't want to look at anybody.'

(2) the photo finish

in 2004, they were rivals in 125cc - a year in which dovi claimed the title and jorge was p4 in the standings. in the very first grand prix ever at the lusail circuit (pretty eventful weekend, you have to say), jorge and dovi crossed the line at the exact same moment

(3) dovi's top three favourite career win

dovi and jorge progressed through the categories at the exact same rate, and after their 125cc rivalry they continued fighting in 250cc. they were title rivals in both 2006 and 2007, with jorge's aprilia winning out both times against dovi's underpowered honda. (the general pattern was that dovi clawed back a bunch of points from jorge in the wet - jorge, with perhaps the exception of a few years in the premier class until around 2013, has never been much of a wet weather racers, while it's always been one of dovi's strongest traits.) for dovi's 300th career start in 2019, he was asked what his top three wins were - and one of his picks was from way back when in 2007

I'd recommend the race! which... well, I did in the race rec post - and I can only reiterate that these two kids do not acknowledge each other, not good vibes at all

(4) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2008

Jorge has a lot of respect for Andrea Dovizioso and feels that his two 250cc world titles have even more prestige because he had to beat the Italian to win them. 'You wouldn't label Dovizioso as fast, particularly, but he's much faster than he looks. He doesn't set many pole positions but he is always up front in a race, fighting to win. He is very intelligent and you can't trust him an inch on the last lap. He has been faithful to Honda, he has great belief in them. His negative side is that he tends to play the victim too much. He'll say that if his bike had a better engine or if it was a bit faster he would win. He's even said that if he was on the same bike as me he'd give me a hiding. I think he looks for excuses too often sometimes, but as a rider and a person I don't have a bad word to say about him.'

some dovi traits read as very familiar, from how he's a better racer than qualifier to the intelligence to the last lap prowess. as for jorge saying dovi plays victim too much? well

also this:

ER: Don't you think that Dovizioso wanted to be World Champion too in 2006 and 2007? Don't you think he gave everything to achieve it? JL: He will think he gave his maximum but he will be lying to himself because nobody does that. Nobody gets close to their maximum, not even me. He will think that he didn't win because he was riding a Honda. There are very few sportsmen who will say, I deserve what happened to me and there are no excuses. I didn't know how to do any better and I've done things wrong.' That is the only way to be the best, the only way. People who make excuses don't get to the top. I know riders who haven't made it for just that reason.

plus ça change

(5) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2018

when they were doing their thing as ducati teammates (bickering), here is one of the things jorge said about dovi:

dovi's been trying to undermine jorge's morale his WHOLE career... even when they were but teenagers... love it when you can really tell someone's been sitting on something for over a decade

(6) "also lorenzo is not my friend"

both of them moved up to motogp in 2008, jorge with factory yamaha and dovi with satellite honda. dovi had a very strong rookie season and finished in p5, only sixteen points behind jorge in p4 (who after a promising first few races had spent a lot of time that season crashing). after that, their fortunes diverged. dovi did not have a particularly happy time in the factory honda team and needed to do some shrewd negotiating to be retained by them for 2011 in that three-man squad, while jorge of course won the championship in 2010

here's a deep cut from 2011, a season where much of the excitement and drama was caused by marco simoncelli alone. jorge had exchanged tense words with sic in estoril, one race before simoncelli was responsible for a crash where dani broke his collarbone. the crash and sic's subsequent penalty meant that the three-way fight between jorge, dovi and valentino became one for the podium, with dovi and valentino eventually grabbing the two remaining spots behind casey. but during the race, jorge had executed a... questionable manoeuvre on dovi, one that did have some similarities to the sic/dani incident. given jorge's strong previous comments on racing standards, unsurprisingly the journalists pounced on this incident in the post-race presser and ask the podium sitters about it. here is the clip:

in this clip, dovi essentially says it was a dangerous move from jorge, but he wasn't sure what jorge's intent had been and he needs to watch the footage again. valentino (who had been the most outspokenly critical of sic of the three of them earlier in the presser) takes the opportunity presented to him to have a bit of a potshot at jorge. he says that dovi doesn't have the best relationship with sic but jorge had done something pretty similar in the race... at which point dovi goes "also lorenzo is not my friend"

which, you know. not exactly a major incident, but I find it very charming dovi felt the need to clarify that, actually, he doesn't like either of them. valentino also adds that by jorge's own standards, surely he too should have gotten a penalty. not exactly a meeting of jorge's biggest fans hm

(7) mapping eight-gate

well I can't leave it out, can I

so in 2017 jorge switches from yamaha to ducati and does not have a great time of it. a lot of weekends, he's just too slow, other times he shoots to the front of a race at the start (typically not great news for the rest of the field in his yamaha days) and then chews up his tyres before gradually dropping like a stone back through the field. at some point that year it became a bit of a running gag - especially when you saw he was the only big name to be picking a soft tyre and just went... buddy we ALL know how this is gonna end....

while this was happening, his teammate dovi was for the first time in his premier class career in championship contention. an extremely close title fight throughout the year with five protagonists until pretty late in the season, it eventually went to a title decider in valencia between dovi and marc. you know, the kind of year where every point counts. the race where marc put a bit of daylight between himself and dovi was phillip island, with marc winning a great dogfight out front while dovi had a bit of a horror show of a weekend. this meant that a lot would have to go right for dovi to have a chance of still winning the title... and sepang was already a match point race for marc

ducati had not won a championship since their 2007 title, courtesy of one casey stoner. after that year, their bike became steadily less competitive every season, reaching a nadir around the 2011-13-ish period. so by the time 2017 rolled around, they wanted this so so badly - even if they wouldn't have expected dovi to lead the charge. dovi had only narrowly beaten out iannone in the 'who's going to be fired for our shiny new lorenzo hire' contest of 2016, and really it was supposed to be jorge who was carrying ducati's dreams on his shoulders. but, never mind, they were throwing everything behind dovi now... no stone left unturned

which brings us, of course, to the subject of team orders. this discourse really took off at the penultimate race of the season at sepang, but was already brewing before that - and in phillip island, satellite ducati rider redding had been told early in the race to let dovi past

here from marc at sepang:

dovi had been in great form all weekend at sepang - and with his wet weather prowess being what it was, really there shouldn't have been any need for team orders at all. but he got a sluggish start, and the race unfolded from there... until eventually jorge was in first, dovi was in second and marc in fourth. in those positions, marc would have clinched the title there

and then, jorge got a message on his dashboard. suggested mapping: mapping 8. pit boards and dashboards and all sorts of boards will feature various codes during races, most of them completely innocuous - but of course they are a healthy source of all sorts of conspiracies. the timing of this one was certainly... notable, and speculation immediately started about how it might be a way of telling jorge that he should swap positions with dovi

jorge didn't end up letting dovi pass - it is questionable whether he really would have done so with what would have been his first ducati win on the line. in the end, he made a mistake that let dovi through so that dovi claimed the win anyway, keeping himself in mathematical contention in valencia. and jorge did say afterwards he was keeping dovi's title hopes in mind, kind of

jorge also said he hadn't gotten any message indicating team orders, and of course nobody at ducati confirmed that mapping eight did have anything to do with team orders

for what it's worth, this is what dovi said about their relationship at this stage:

lovely! let's see what the vibes are like a few months later

anyway, onto valencia. this race was pretty boring despite being a title decider, but the jorge/dovi bits were just unequivocally the weekend's most enjoyable aspect and rather nicely spiced up the whole thing. dovi's chances were always slim going in, given he'd have to win the race and marc would have to barely get any points at all... but still, you never know, right? marc could always crash (narrator: he did almost crash). jorge plays coy early in the weekend about the whole 'helping dovi out thing', and basically just started putting in place...? ... very specific conditions...? under which he'd help:

so during the actual race, dovi got stuck behind jorge in p5, with marc ahead of both of them. valencia is traditionally not a fantastic track to overtake at... so even if dovi had been faster, it's not like he'd have an easy time clearing jorge and cracking on. but they were beginning to drift further away from dani in p3 as ducati watched on, increasingly unamused by what was happening - and the tv cameras were of course kind enough to repeatedly show the ducati box looking deeply unamused. again, they went for the good old mapping eight message, which, hey, that could mean anything! they sure did keep showing it to jorge though, almost like he wasn't paying attention to it

eventually, they abandon all subtlety and go for a pit board message that does just straight-up tell jorge to swap positions. jorge kept ignoring the messages, lap after lap, and he never ended up letting dovi past. eventually they both crashed and marc claimed the title with a p3 finish, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway, but... still. the feeling was that this might things rather awkward inside of ducati

publicly, ducati was extremely keen to smooth over the whole controversy, saying they totally weren't mad at jorge blatantly ignoring team orders. jorge had, after all, explained to them (and the media, repeatedly) that he had totally been intending to help dovi by dragging him closer to dani

Giving his take on events, Lorenzo acknowledged that he ignored Ducati’s instruction because he felt Dovizioso’s chances would be boosted by having him directly ahead. “Even looking at this [dashboard] suggestion, I keep pushing until the end, because I knew it was the best thing for me, for Ducati and for Dovi,” said Lorenzo. “I helped him to improve his pace by one or two tenths, to be as close as possible to the first group. My intention was, and it was the case, that we arrive at the first group. If he had the option to win, I would have gone wide and let him pass. But unfortunately it was not like that. Maybe in some corners Dovi was close and I slow down a little bit his pace, but in general terms, having my wheel in front of him made him improve slightly his pace. I helped him stayed closer to the front group. “I knew Dovi was struggling, I knew his pace during all the weekend, and I knew he was making the best pace of the weekend just in the race. It was [because of the] help from my wheel. I’m happy because I was not wrong. If I was wrong and slowing him, I would be very sorry. But it’s not like that, my feeling was true.”

which, you know. is it really that easy to tell how much faster you are than someone who's sitting on your rear tyre? who's to say. dovi did certainly seem rather keen to get past

anyhow, of course there were plenty of fun dramatics post-race:

'our rider ignored team suggestions not team orders' is a great line, fairs. there's plenty more of this from ducati, some excellent spin doctoring - and dovi was extremely magnanimous about what had happened:

the whole thing was pretty undignified from all non-dovi parties, but it was also very funny so who's to say if it was bad or not

(8) runner-up-gate

let's check in on them in 2018, the second and ultimately last year in which they were teammates. remember that 'undermining morale' quote from above? those are from early 2018, after dovi says he wouldn't be surprised to see jorge elsewhere the following season. so, once jorge has complained that dovi had been trying to put him down his entire career, comes this:

so that's something. jorge, dovi and dani have a three-in-one crash in jerez, after which some fingers are pointed but it all remains fairly civil, and a bit later dovi says that jorge's approach doesn't work at ducati:

by the summer break, jorge's results had gotten better, but it was already too late to save the relationship with ducati and they parted ways. anyway, here's dovi and jorge having another go at it:

And while a rough patch for Dovizioso coupled with breakthrough back-to-back wins for Lorenzo in Mugello and Barcelona have now left the pair just three points apart in the standings, Dovizioso refused to back down from his claim when speaking to Spanish sports daily Marca ahead of the upcoming Brno race. “He’s won two races,” Dovizioso said. “Winning two races does not solve the problem of a year and a half. Lorenzo was not signed to win two races. Therefore I do not change my mind.” When the comments were put to Lorenzo, the three-time champion offered an ardent retort, stating that Dovizioso's rhetoric was proof of the claim he'd made back in April. “I'm a bit fed up with this situation, mainly because when I had trouble and he was winning, I was down there applauding,” Lorenzo told Spanish broadcaster Movistar. “What I said in Argentina - and the comments caused a big surprise - you can see that I was right. “He tried to undermine me, or downplay what I achieve or just attack me. As you can see, I wasn't lying. He's still doing it and now he says my method is not good, according to him.” Lorenzo intimated that Dovizioso was in no position to criticise him, as the Italian could do no better than runner-up to Marc Marquez in a 'perfect' 2017 season. He said: “I think my method has not worked too bad in my career. I've won three MotoGP titles and have 46 wins.” “In my second year in Ducati I'm usually faster than him, but maybe I should look at his method closer if in his best season, with everything going perfectly, he was second. Otherwise he's fourth or seventh usually. I'd tell him to leave me to go my way and to focus on his own and everything will be better, because when you have an angry Lorenzo it's usually worse for you.” 

fair to say that by this point the pretence at civility has mostly been dropped. I'm rather fond of the "lorenzo was not signed to win two races" line, though "when you have an angry lorenzo it's usually worse for you" is also really strong stuff. dovi tries to restore a little bit of peace:

Responding in turn to Lorenzo's tirade, Dovizioso sought to play down the conflict. “Jorge has his ideas and I think they are based on particular things. I don't think like him, but it's not a problem,” he told Movistar. “Everybody creates their own ideas based on what they see and how they live. “I don't think he has everything clear in his head about what's happened, but we continue the relationship that we started last year with respect, there's no particular problem. If he thinks this way, that's his problem."

so basically the classic 'idk what he's on about but it's not my problem' approach to attempting to defuse feuds

(9) twitter-gate

there's a few more on-track battles where it's nicely obvious how badly they want to beat each other, with jorge beating marc just ahead of dovi in austria and then dovi beating jorge in brno. jorge's season is increasingly derailed by injuries, which sets the stage for their next big spat:

The row was sparked by Dovizioso's comments to Sky Italia after qualifying at Sepang on Saturday, as he was asked what he thought of Lorenzo having to pull out of the Malaysian GP weekend with injury. "I don't know the details, I don't want to get into this, it's a bit of a strange situation," said Dovizioso."It happens often in Ducati or to certain riders, but I don't understand the details and I don't want to get into it and give my opinion." When it was put to him he was offering 'cryptic words', he added: "I leave things there, it's not my problem."

pretty vague, yeah. but anyway, I'm sure jorge had a proportionate response to this

Dovizioso's comments prompted a series of irate posts from Lorenzo on Twitter, with his first reaction being "Thank you very much @AndreaDovizioso! You are a real gentleman!". In his next post, he went on to call Dovizioso "an exemplary teammate", adding: "You applaud him under the podium when he wins and then... (That's right, he does not give his opinion, it's not his problem)." After that, Lorenzo labelled Dovizioso "envious" and described him as "a world champion... in 125cc."

the podium thing really bothered him, don't you think. their ducati in-fighting follows that general pattern where dovi says something... a little shady, a little ambiguous, where his intentions aren't entirely obvious... at which point jorge goes all in at fighting back and has a go at dovi - often not as much for what dovi is actually saying, but what jorge thinks dovi is implying. which is based on his understanding of dovi, the image of dovi he's built up in his head over the years, so that he is... predisposed to think ill of the intentions of the 'intelligent' dovi who always knows exactly what he's saying

again, dovi tried to downplay the argument, while simultaneously not exhibiting much patience for jorge's stance:

After the Malaysian GP, Dovizioso was asked about Lorenzo's responses to his comments, and the Italian accused his teammate of reading too much into headlines. He said: “Why should I talk to Lorenzo? I do not waste time on these things. He makes the usual mistake of giving too much importance to what is written, even without the context. "I have not pointed my finger at anyone and I have no problem with Jorge."

if I were ducati, I probably would've let the whole thing blow over given jorge was off soon anyway. but they decided the whole thing was so bad they had to organise a peace summit

Asked about the situation, Ducati sporting director Paolo Ciabatti admitted to Motorsport.com that the Bologna marque has already planned to sit its two riders on Tuesday in Milan to make it clear what its priorities are. Ciabatti said: “It is clear that the interests of Ducati come before personal problems between riders. On Tuesday we will be together in Milan, for the EICMA [motorcycle show] and we have in mind to spend half an hour to sit and talk to Jorge and Andrea. "We want to avoid similar things to what happened last weekend. "I understand that these kinds of situations can happen. Sometimes riders get nervous during a Grand Prix weekend and on a rainy day, with tricky conditions, sometimes they say things they shouldn’t have said."

god knows how that turned out

(10) wow, you guys aren't gonna let this go, huh

late 2020 and jorge's career is already over, while dovi's looks like it will be... paused, at the very least. which is always a good time to check in with riders on how they feel about their rivals - if they're still being nasty you know that shit was personal. from december:

some quality petty material here. "I can't understand his somewhat peculiar mind" vs "he was envious of me since 250cc, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance". note too jorge talking again about how generous he had been in the face of dovi's 2017 successes, and how he feels like this was not reciprocated at all. jorge's complaints don't stop there:

merry christmas!

not the only rider jorge has beefed with post-retirement, but compare and contrast with how he really hasn't been doing any of that with some of his biggest career rivals. valentino, marc, dani - sure, he still talks about the controversies he's had with them pretty regularly (to put it lightly), and he's hardly free of complaints... but mostly it's a distinctly nostalgic tone he's adopting with these guys. admittedly, it helps that none of those three have gone out of their way to say anything particularly inflammatory about jorge. still, the absolute lack of any sort of rapprochement with dovi of all people is pretty funny

bonus: that time when jorge skittled all of marc's rivals

you know how in catalunya 2019, jorge took out like? all of marc's major rivals in that era including himself in one go? with half a decade of hindsight, this was kind of hilarious, and it did also feature jorge having to eat a hell of a lot of humble pie and go to the three other blokes to apologise. anyway I have a lovingly assembled set of screenshots of all three of them emoting in their boxes after the incident, all suffering some form of an existential crisis. here is dovi contemplating the bleak realities of our brief lives on this planet:

truly one of the world's least enthusiastic waves

bonus 2: another one for old time's sake

already posted this elsewhere, but this from late 2023 made me laugh

"jorge came to ducati and thought he was going to beat everything, but in the end he didn't" uh huh

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

So this is a weird ask but I figured an Actual Welsh Person would be the person to go to, and you've been pretty gung-ho about the language thing. So I hope I'm not bothering you with this.

Is there a cultural consensus on foreigners learning Welsh? I'm American and I don't have a single shred of Welsh ancestry. My family is historically German, and we've been here since the English Colony days, so it honestly seems really weird even to try to claim some tie to German heritage.

Anyway, my point is, I have absolutely zero legitimate claim to the Welsh language. I don't plan to travel to Wales in the foreseeable future. I have no reason to learn Welsh except that it sounds pretty and I enjoy a challenge.

Putting aside the issue of "lmao it's gonna be stupid difficult to learn an endangered language if you don't have anyone to speak it with" (I have a loose plan for dealing with that, and the experience of learning two languages to "can read most novels without needing the dictionary" level without anyone to speak them with in person already) entirely, do you reckon it's okay for me to study Welsh? I know Americans are really, really bad about just kinda assuming the whole world belongs to us, and I'm trying not to do that here. Especially because Welsh IS endangered.

I imagine your average Welsh person probably doesn't care what some random American does. But like, for people who care about the language...Would it be considered disrespectful or overstepping for me to study it? I don't expect you to speak for the entire country, of course, but I respect your opinion and I feel like you'd have a grasp on what the general feeling towards a foreigner like me might be.

Thanks for your time.

I honestly, truly, do not understand how the discussion around cultural appropriation has been twisted in the cultural zeitgeist to such an extent that people now feel anxiety about learning other languages.

This is not a personal attack on you, Anon - the gods only know that you clearly care and want to do the right thing, and that's beautiful and wonderful and also I will come back to extolling your personal virtues at the end of this post, so stay tuned. But I do want to take a moment here to talk about the broader issue at play, which I have seen echoed multiple times elsewhere, because fuck me what are we doing to ourselves.

Learn. Languages.

That is what languages are for! To be used for communication. If you don't learn languages, you are forcing everyone else to use yours. How have we somehow, as a culture, twisted that into being the less selfish option? How have we done that? I posted my favourite Welsh idiom recently, and someone reblogged it and wrote in the tags that they loved the idiom and would start using it, but they would do so in English because their "Welsh pronunciation would make their Welsh grandmother spin in her grave."

What kind of mental gymnastics is that?

How the fuck do you twist it so badly that you think taking a Welsh idiom for your own and exclusively using it in English is less offensive than saying it in Welsh but maybe a bit wrong? I've literally had people proclaim to me that they're learning Welsh on Duolingo but they never speak it because they're too self-conscious, and they tell me this not to highlight a massive flaw in themselves that they need to work on, but as though I'm supposed to pat them on the head and thank them for... still making me speak English to them.

There was that post where a Deaf blogger received an anonymous ask saying learning sign language is cultural appropriation, as though Deaf people haven't been calling for Sign to be taught in schools. As though a Deaf person being entirely isolated in everyday hearing society unless they have an interpreter with them is less offensive than a hearing person being able to use BSL.

Like, these are not sacred or religious languages. The purpose of Welsh or BSL or what have you is not to perform the Eleusinian mysteries. It's a living everyday language, same as English -

Except it's not the same as English. As Anon here so rightly points out, Welsh is endangered. That means we are desperate for people to learn it. That's how it will survive. That's how we reversed it from 'dying language' to 'living language', in fact - we managed to get lots of people to learn it. You know what is a threat, though? People not learning it because, like poor Anon here, they've been somehow convinced by Western society that you're only allowed to learn languages if you personally have a historic or cultural connection to them that you can prove via six forms of ID and a letter of recommendation from a druid. Or people never using it because they're too embarrassed to try and risk losing face by getting it wrong, or maybe sounding a bit silly, and thus forcing us to use English anyway. Those are threats.

Anon. Listen to me, feel the sincerity of my words: we adore you. We adore you. You cannot imagine how appreciated it is when someone learns Welsh. You cannot imagine how touched we are that you wanted to, that you tried, that you respected us enough and considered us valid enough that you made the effort. Our closest neighbours are the very people who are still trying to stamp out Welsh to this very day. Do you know the number 1 reaction I get, by a country mile, when I tell English people that I speak Welsh? It's some variant on a scoff, and the sentiment "Why? What's the point? Bit useless, isn't it?"

By a country mile. That's the reaction I expect, and brace for, and is overwhelmingly what I get.

So when someone who isn't Welsh actually chooses to learn Welsh?

Imagine what that feels like! To go from not-even-hidden disgust, from outright mockery and often active suppression campaigns, to a foreigner earnestly telling me that they love and respect my language so much they're trying to learn it. Imagine how that feels.

Please learn Welsh. Please learn it. We will love you for it. We will build you a statue. We will bake little Welshcakes with your face on in icing sugar. We will write you poems in complex rhyme. We'll name an Eisteddfod prize after you. We'll name at least, like, three sheep after you. Thank you, thank you so much for even wanting to learn. You're a delight and a marvel and a wonder. Your hair looks great today, as it does all days. You're a strong, independent human being of immense wisdom and compassion. If this were a Welsh myth you'd be a wise salmon the heroes came to for advice. What a fantastic human.

The welcome awaits if you choose to learn

[backwardsbread]

Your “Hazbin Hotel Characters Forgetting an Anniversary” has become a comfort post of mine. You did such a good job with it and did amazing in capturing their personalities as well!

I was wondering if I could request an Adam fic? Like one where he realizes that he actually cares about reader, but he goes about showing that in the strangest ways? He may be a massive obnoxious jerk in the show, but he somehow made his way to being a favorite of mine in the show.

My heart- opening my inbox and seeing this made my day-

I’ve also been obsessing over Adam fics lately so seeing something with Adam get requested made me SO happy! I am happy to oblige~!

Adam x Gn!Angel!Reader

~Feelings are Fucked~

Warnings‼️: Adam being Adam, mutual pining, swearing, maybe OOC?

~Not proofread~

Listen. I don’t gotta tell you that Adam is always up his own ass.

Dude is OBSESSED with himself.

He would be the type of guy to be like;

“Oh yeah, have you heard of the BIBLE?? I’m kinda in it, no big deal.”

He’s on his own mind 99.9% of the time. His needs, wants, desires.

He’s so Self centered it’s not even funny-

So IMAGINE how he feels when you start to pick your way into his thoughts. And he has no idea why.

(Obviously Adam was the superior being, why should you have all people be on his mind??)

It’s easy for him to brush away these random thoughts of you. He could easily distract himself with material things to get his mind off the topic.

Eventually when distractions stop working, he feels like he’s going crazy.

He’s got a lot of things to do in Heaven, yet you feel like the most important ones to him.

I can see Adam being a huge flirt in the beginning. If he can get you to fall for him as hard as he has for you, he’ll consider it a win.

But he doesn’t really realize how much of a dick he comes off as. He absolutely makes a fool of himself majority of the time.

Gives the vibe of him saying something lowkey offensive while laughing and you just staring at him blankly and asked ‘What’s so funny?’

It’s frustrating for him how he can’t seem to get to you.

He doesn’t ask for advice from anybody, but I can definitely see Lute giving her 2 cents while Adam is ranting about how ‘annoying’ you are.

Her biggest piece of advice being for him to just stfu sometimes and actually listen to you.

Adam will never admit how much that actually helped him, it seemed like such a simple solution that he just hadn’t been doing.

So instead of being this overbearing flirt, he’ll just listen to you talk, occasionally chiming in with his own banter. Through this he learns a lot more about you.

And he makes an effort to show you he’s been listening.

You mention your favorite candy? He grabs some for you whenever he’s out getting snacks.

You mention a favorite scent of yours? Suddenly his whole house smells like it whenever you come over.

Got a favorite flower? He just so happened to see some at the garden and brings you one.

Of course he makes sure to follow up his kind gestures with a flirty or snarky remark. Trying to be this big tough guy despite how sweet he’s being to you.

He doesn’t realize how much of a total sap he’s being and how obvious his feelings are for you.

I can totally see Adam’s love language being gift giving and physical touch.

He’s not good with words. Never has been, never will be.

So he often shows his care for you by poking your side or cheek, resting his head or chin on your shoulder, ruffling your hair, or keeping one of his wings behind your back to make sure your close to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adam was walking along the streets of heaven with you, ranting about how his superior Sera, was supposedly being a Karen.

In his words she ‘wouldn’t get off his dick’ about his behavior and language. You listened to Adam’s ranting, letting him express his frustrations despite how petty the situation might’ve been. You occasionally let out hums of acknowledgment and nod towards him to show you were listening.

While you’re paying attention to him, a few angels who seemed to be in a rush, nearly bump into you from behind. Adam catches a glimpse of the angels coming your guys’ way, and extends his wing out to shield you from the other angels.

He grabs your hand, bringing you closer to him while his wing wraps around your torso. He waits for the angels to pass by, giving them an extremely fake smile as they flew by. Once they were out of sight, Adam’s smile falls and he grumbles to himself, pulling his wing back to his side.

“Stupid, fucking… can’t watch where they’re going?”

He keeps your hand in his own, continuing to grumble how some angels needed to mind their business and watch where they were going. The two of you continue to walk, but Adam’s voice seems to drown out, and you can only really focus on your hand in his own.

Sure Adam had been affectionate to you many times, but never in public. It wasn’t something that bothered you either. You just felt anxious butterflies fly around your stomach, a sense of pride welling up in your chest that Adam was holding your hand. As the two of you are about to reach your destination, you finally speak up to Adam before you would have to depart from him.

“Hey, are you.. doing anything.. tomorrow evening?”

You ask, scratching the back of your neck a bit with your free hand. Warmth spreads across your face as Adam just kind of stares at you for a moment, pondering.

“Uhh, got a few boring ass meetings after noon, but otherwise, I’m chilling for the rest of the night.”

“Would you.. want to go out to dinner tomorrow? If you’re up for it.”

Your question seemed to go over Adam’s head of what your intentions were. Free food was free food, (and time spent with you was a plus)

He lets his ego take over for a bit, putting a proud hand over his chest. His grin shines across his mask, spreading from ear to ear.

“I suppose I can make some time for you. As long as I get to pick the place.”

You can’t help but chuckle, face flushing hues of pink when Adam agreed. You smile brightly, finally letting go of Adam’s hand.

“Sounds good! Let’s say around 5 or 6?”

“Don’t rush me babes, I’ll text ya when I’m headed over.”

Adam says nonchalantly, crossing his arms. Despite his attitude, you watch his eyes shift away from you, avoiding your gaze. He’s embarrassed and you can tell by how his guard started to come back up. You had learned these little telltale signs Adam had. You chuckle, simply waving to Adam, wishing him good luck on his meeting and telling him you’ll see him tomorrow.

Adam smiles genuinely, giving a small wave back, before turning towards the large angelic building to head inside. Lute was waiting by the door for him and she just so happened to hear your guys’ little exchange. Adam’s whistling to himself, his heart beating fast in his chest but he can’t put his finger on the exact reason as to why.

Lute looks towards him, raising a suspicious brow. She sighs seeing how Adam was oblivious to what he had just agreed to. While holding the door open for Adam to enter the building, she speaks.

“You know they just asked you on a date, right?”

Adam’s whistling comes to a complete stop, his body freezing where he stood. Lute glances up at him, pressing her lips together so she doesn’t laugh at Adam’s look of shock.

“They fuckin’ what??”

[amimuu]

UHM. Redesigned Lamb and Nari cuz I got bored??? (+ doodles)

Woe I don’t know what to put as a title…HAVE THIS, KABOOM!!!

Yeah we’re doing this again HAHA…(but you can actually see my outfit planning)

You see I kinda felt like my first designs were a bit rushed and I wasn’t 100% happy w/them…BUT DO NOT DISCARD THEM, The other outfits still exist. So i kinda just. Designed an extra set? Iekfjfjdj something like that yeah.

I also gave lamb a couple extra outfits:

The thing they wore when they were still a vessel (fun fact the robe is actually the first layer of the traditional wedding outfit for the culture of the Lambs….)

You may notice they look happier here. They were. Lots of hopes and all that stuff.

ANDDDDD

The fancy robe

Truth is, Lamby here absolutely adores fancy clothing. Fluffy robes with lots of layers, with little decorations hanging from the edges? Yeah. That’s their thing

They normally save this one for parties or special sermons. Also, did I mention they craft most of their clothes themselves? Their mother taught them how to sew and tailor clothes when they were young and they love it since then.

(Is that Narilamb!?)

I did sum planning on the Lamb’s weapon of choice too which is….chains?! Magical chains. Is this a metaphor of some sort? Maybe. But they look very cool using them. However they are a little reckless so they tend to hit themselves accidentally when they pull them back after each attack. Still, they are very skilled.

Someone does get a little worried tho…

But ANYWAYS!!! Hope y’all didn’t miss me too much 😔 I was planning to post something else but I already had half these doodles here lined up so I decided to post these first and the other idea later…but it’s coming soon!

As always, inbox is open and any questions are welcome! Or if you just wanna say something random that’s cool too

Until then :]!

Extra:

[buggyjuggie]

Hi! Can you write Mk mans x Pokémon trainer reader?

Basically reset somehow got into Earthrealm with not way back to their world and Liu Kang decided to kick them as one of his champions since he saw a potential in them. And when reader explains their world they like “Well yeah we have a Pokémon that possibly can destroy world” and “once I battled against god and mafia when I was ten haha”

──★ ˙ ̟ Random Mk1 men x GN! Pokemon trainer reader

Note: Im so sorry that this took so long to come out my mental health kinda took a nose dive with my creativity and i didn’t want to half ass this so that’s why this ended up being so short I apologise

「 ✦ Havik ✦ 」

* Lets start with just a random man Havik: he LOVES you and your little creatures

* Immediately asks which one is strongest

*Has tried teaching your pokemon about the way of living in chaos and freedom (basically indoctrinated them into his belief)

* Havik absolutely adores hearing stories of your realm, like you mean when you were 10 years old you took down a mafia gang, competed in a tournament and battled with a gang. ALL OF THAT and your fighters these little things. He’s impressed and entertained for hours

* Havik’s favourites are poison, ghost and rock type pokemon

「 ✦ Johnny Cage ✦ 」

* ,, Can i make a movie about these little guys please 🥺“

* Buys them clothes, accessories and dresses them up, they’re like little plushies to him

* Haa definitely bought custom glasses with the first letter of they’re names for all your little friends

* He posts pictures about your pokemon on insta even tough you said to explicitly NOT do it (he just tells people its photoshop

* When you tell him stories of all the wacky stuff that you see in your world he desperately want to go to the point he begs Liu kang to send him to your universe

「 ✦ Liu Kang ✦ 」

* He takes care of timelines and also now your pokemon

* Because he is the god of fire Liu Kang radiates a lot of warmth so when he meditates all your palls lay down next, on or near him

* Liu kang spoils the crap out of your pokemon to the point where they are absolutely attached to him following him all the time, annoying him and and some just bite his legs a sign of love but also attachment

* Ok this ones obvious bcuz hes a fire god he tends to like fire type and dragon type pokemon

* Looks at you with the most concerned expression possible while your just happily smiling and telling stories about how you fought off a mafia

「 ✦ Bi-han ✦ 」

* Goes withouth saying that fighting, ice and flying type pokemon are most interesting to Bihan

* Bihan learns the hard way that you can’t train pokemon like little soldiers and you teach him how to properly train them

* If you and Bihan ever manage to return to your universe he’ll look at you with proud eyes when you win battles

* Tries to apply the same strategy you use when in combat to his own fights or training sessions for the Lin Kuei soldiers

* Don’t even try to explain how certain types are categorised or how some pokemon can defeat other with the most random luck because he’ll just end up with a headache

*. ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

[fridayyy-13th]

gonna be honest, feeling very conflicted about this episode, lads. i've been really hoping Protocol won't explain away the (NARRATIVELY IMPORTANT) mystery left at the end of Archives, i.e. Jon and Martin's fate, so seeing as they're the next thing Sam and Celia are gonna be investigating, this is kinda gonna be the thing that makes or breaks Protocol, for me.

i do think there's a solid chance Chester and Norris are the Jon and Martin from Protocol's universe, and that is something i absolutely would not mind. but i haven't actually made a post explaining why i think that, and i should probably do that before it's explained, just so i can mayyyybe say i called it.

(for the record, i'm pretty sure i came up with most of this before the series even officially dropped, when all we had was the ARG and the trailer. i haven't done much to connect this theory to the further information we've learned, so it's probably not fully accurate (if accurate at all). and quite a bit of it is kinda baseless conjecture; i'm just throwing my thoughts out there. just a little disclaimer.)

so!

in Archives, Jonah's primary motivation is fear of death. turning to the Eye is what allows him to body-hop as he does for 200 years, trying to create a world where his Patron reigns supreme, where he is seated upon its throne and cannot die. assuming his motivation is the same in Protocol, this new universe is (likely until recently) untouched by the Entities. if Jonah wanted to evade death, how could he do that without the help of an eldritch fear god?

easy—alchemy.

i'm not particularly knowledgeable about the subject as a whole, but i'm certainly familiar with the Philosopher's Stone (the symbol of which is also present in the OIAR's/podcast's logo, though it seems the OIAR is more focused on balance than on experimentation).

i also know that the seven metals used in alchemy (gold, silver, mercury, copper, lead, iron, and tin) are all components of computer chips. i've been thinking Jonah, or maybe his successors, saw that and began turning their research to how it could be utilized to extend—or preserve—life.

to cut to the chase, bc frankly it's hard trying to sound like i know what i'm talking about and this post would take forever to write otherwise, i think Jonah tried to Sergei Ushanka himself into a computer, because metal and plastic are a hell of a lot longer-lasting than a human being.

but he wouldn't shove his consciousness into some random motherboard without making sure it was safe, what do you take him for?? he is a man of academia. obviously he had to test it on others first, and then he'd do it himself.

cue the thought experiments the Institute ran on kids. the things the experiments quantify are empathy and obedience to authority, which to me screams that they were trying to find kids who were easy to manipulate into more dangerous experiments.

and who are two characters who were kids in the 90s, with circumstances that left them lonely, isolated, and who, even as adults, are desperate to please (whether a parent or a bad boss)? Jon and Martin.

i posit that Jon and Martin were both victims of these experiments, perhaps the first (and only) successful subjects, and Jonah uploaded his consciousness to the computer soon after. their records could have been stricken from the spreadsheet to hide that they'd even been part of the program, and given the Institute burned down soon after, and there were no survivors—it could have been assumed that they'd died in the fire. it isn't like they had the most doting guardians to worry over them.

...but Chester and Norris's voices are those of adult Jon and Martin.

best i can figure, Jonah's plan might have worked in the short term, but computers have had date/time hardware in them since the 80s, so they—and Augustus—are still aging. so they've been trapped in computer software since 1999, and now that Sam and Celia are digging into what happened, they're desperate to catch their attention and find a way out.

(and lastly, a fun little thought—given Jon and Martin were both born circa 1987, they would have been twelve in 1999. they didn't even get to be teenagers.)

[itsangelll]

hii !! this is like really random, but i was wondering if you could do tom x fem reader who just has like random habits .. i have a couple in mind like kinda stomping when she sneezes or saying "bless me" to herself afterwards, squeaking and like clapping when shes super happy, i also have this super random one where i js like knock on my head randomly idk🧍‍♀️maybe like mimicking peoples words, expressions, and noises too, ermmmmm uhmmm or js like gasping when something the least bit surprising happens or zoning out a lot yk? 😭 these are js random ones, you can honestly choose wtvr, you can even do your own habits it doesn't really matter to me

thank you !!

𝒯ℴ𝓂 𝒹𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁 𝓌𝒽ℴ 𝒹ℴℯ𝓈 𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒹ℴ𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝒽𝒸 <3

A/n: hey cuties I apologise for not posting lately I have some shit going on at home but I hope you all are well!! enjoy :)

•so you were sitting in a room with Tom and you sneezed he was about to say something then you were like “Bless me” he was like this 😯 he didn’t know what to say and then you looked at him confused then explained it to him where you just do random things and then he understood

•Sometimes you like taking his clothes and trying them on cause it’s like a comfort thing for you and he absolutely loves it because you look amazing in his clothes of course <3

•Whenever you knock yourself on the head he gets worried cause he thinks you’ve hit yourself too hard and he like gets super worried which you love cause he’s a cutie

•HIS FAVOURITE AND MOST ADORABLE THING THAT YOU DO IS WHEN YOU CLAP WHEN YOUR SUPER HAPPY he smiles too much over it he’s just so in love with you

•You also love to skip when your super happy he just loves it and he skips with you (I did that once and I fell over)

•Your really really competitive at games and whenever you lose you just scream Tom gets real scared cause of this like he’s more terrified of you than bill when you get really competitive

•One time you were sitting with the band talking about whatever then whenever Tom spoke you’d mimick his words he was flabbergasted but he does it back to you as well it’s a cute thing you guys do

•You zone out a lot and Tom’s just staring at you like ☹️

•You also love to jump on him and hug him at any point of the day he loves this and he gets whiny when you go away from him cause he’s that clingy with you (I’d hug him so much and never let him go.)

A/n: I hope you all enjoyed i will try and post more mwah bye cuties <33

Taglist:

@itsmealaiah

@tomssexdoll

@jadedchar

@memzyyy

@madzandmore

@noellecrushes

[cursedcatvibes]

WORLD RECORD!

re4r!incel roommate leon x roommate reader

word count: 3.6k

summary: Incel leon who thinks he’s above women and thinks he’s an alpha male. he’s an absolute piece of shit too.

tags/warnings: 18+ minors DNI! Smut, many many mentions of misogyny. He literally can’t find the clit. P in V, he wrapped it before he tapped it! Incel 😧. quick mention of abuse but it’s not super relevant to the plot. not proofread!

a/n: not much to say other than i cringed so bad trying to write leon’s character, but i was committed, i looked through incel forums on reddit and even got chronically online real quick. also i’m on vacation! so i’m not able to write as much as I want! :( i’ll probably post small drabbles but i will most likely have another full story up in a month considering I cranked out a whole 7k page fic and then now a 3k one. DONT QUOTE ME! Also maybe agent leon x agent reader next. @gettingsilly (my sweetheart who was so hyped about this! here you go my love!)

songs:

pussy - rammstein (highly recommend them)

behind blue eyes - limp bizkit (fun fact; this was the og title of the story!)

rape me - nirvana (this was going to be a non con but i changed my mind)

norwegian wood - the beatles (literally burns the woman’s house down cause she don’t want him😭)

happy reading!

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

Handsome. Is the first thing that came to mind when you first opened the door to greet your new roommate, Leon. 

-

The rent was getting out of hand these days and you figured it was a way better deal to split the rent instead of living paycheck to paycheck damn near.

The only downside were the horror stories about roommates and even just random strangers too. It made you feel a bit queasy, but what else could you do, a recently single woman and at the ripe age of 25, technically you were in your prime for all types of creeps and weirdos to try and pull something, especially if you live alone.

So you bit the bullet and put up a craigslist ad, putting it at the back of your mind for now while you went back to getting rid of your ex-boyfriend's belongings. 

You only remembered about it when someone responded to it and after a few messages back and forth you gave the address to him and told him he could move in tomorrow. Feeling a bit proud of yourself for even being able to organize such an arrangement.

-

The first thing you noticed was how absolutely built he was, he definitely went to the gym and it made you feel a little insecure for a brief moment, before you stepped to the side to allow him to enter. “Welcome to your new home!” You beamed, happy with what you’ve done to the place. Completely missing the way his eyes ran up and down your body lewdly. 

He only wanted to have a girl roommate because he figured she would give it up easily or at least flaunt her body off to him, much to his dismay you were wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, not a single ounce of skin showing where he could sculpt your body out. “Prude.” Is what ran through his mind.

“Thanks.” He replied stiffly. “Where is my room at?” Leon asked as he looked around, he was kinda pissed off you didn’t show him any goods. He hated girls who didn’t show off their body, but he hated girls who showed off too much, thought they were just whores looking to get some attention.

So what if he catcalled them? Obviously they were dressing like that for attention and got all pissy when he gave them that attention.

You were oblivious to Leon’s degrading thoughts, too focused on trying to make sure he didn’t try to kidnap or murder you. When he spoke about where he would be staying you perked up and showed him the room while also giving a quick tour of the apartment.

You were even sweet enough to help him unpack all his things once they were all brought in! He owned some interesting objects, a bit uncomfortable to watch him unpack as he had a whole box dedicated to just sex toys. Fake pair of tits that were way too big to even be comfortable on a woman, fake mouth, fake ass, and multiple fake pussy’s. That wasn’t even the worst part of it. 

It got all too freaky when he pulled out hentai figurines that had little to no clothes on, all in lewd poses with lewd expressions on their faces, more specifically ahegao. You could feel the initial attraction from him sizzle down to a mere speck of a flame.

How could someone just own all this stuff so casually, flaunting it like it was a toy race car collection? But Leon didn’t care, fictional cat women were so much better than real women. They couldn't reject him or deny him sex. (Because they quite literally couldn’t, they're inanimate figures.)

He had the straightest deadpan expression on his face and you got the heebie jeebies thinking about what he could’ve possibly done with all these weird toys.”So,” You cleared your throat awkwardly, suddenly feeling like every object of his you touched was just icky. “Where did you say you lived before this?” You asked curiously.

Leon glanced over at you, wondering if you were gonna pull your hoodie off and finally show him your tits if he answered all your questions, he was growing frustrated. Dammit woman! Show him something! He thinks this is the longest he had gone without jerking off or watching a porno. If you weren’t gonna entertain him sexually why were you still bothering him?

“My mom’s. She said something about me needing to move out because I'm too old.” He grumbled out, this gave you a major ick, didn’t this guy say he was 27? He wasn’t struggling to get money when clearly he can afford expensive sex toys and other items. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” You replied quietly, to which Leon grunted in acknowledgment.

Once you finished the box you were unpacking you decided the best course of action was to just walk away from this conversation. “It seems like you can handle the rest on your own, I don’t really wanna break any of your computer monitors and stuff.” You said as you stood up from the floor and brushed your hands against your pants.

 “Okay.” Leon hummed, disinterested in  conversation. All he really wanted to do was hurry up and set his computer up so he could jerk off in peace. You leaving his room was a bonus. He didn’t want to be downright rude and kick you out, after all, he is totally a nice guy. Plus he got the opportunity to stare at your ass as you walked out, he could see it jiggling underneath your sweats which was enough to rile him up.

-

You wish you could say it improved from there but unfortunately it did not at all. It only seemed to worsen. Like who the hell is watching porn from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep. It’s all just yucky. The loud and over exaggerated moans that were definitely done for performance and not real. 

The only time Leon would leave his room was to eat or grab some water, he always looked so dazed too, it made you wonder what he was doing in there, you’ve never seen him go to work so it made you curious. 

Leon on the other hand was always so dazed or flustered in the face from the amount of jerking off he does all day. He once ran his dick dry enough to start cumming clear, rubbing himself raw damn near. It’s not like he tried not to get laid, he definitely did. But it never worked.

The way he carried himself was creepy, flaunting the fact he was a nice guy who could give a girl a good time. News flash! If you have to say you’re a nice guy, you're definitely not. Girls often avoided him in middle school and that followed him throughout highschool and even college. So he naturally drifted towards animated women.

He was hot but his personality quite literally sucked, it's like he would attract women because of his looks and as soon as he started speaking they lost interest. But you? You still greeted him every time he came out of his room with a polite smile on your face, offering to cook him something but he always declined because the mere thought of having a woman do something trivial such as cook for him like a traditional woman should, made him hard on the spot.

He had the normal views on life, such as all men do. Women are baby makers, they belong in the kitchen, they should treat their man like a king. It’s not like anyone could change his opinion either. He’s so far into the rabbit hole that his other incels praise him like he was a god, thus only further bursting his massive ego. 

-

You didn’t think much of Leon, not in a harsh way, you just didn’t really know that much about him because you two never spoke like that. All you did know was that he watched porn, maybe a bit too much that was considered normal. It's not like you're shaming him because you watch porn too, but you have some decency, a bit of dignity and pride.

Yet your opinion of him instantly sours when one day he comes out of his room, which reeked with the smell of cum and sweat, the room was humid too, which confused you when you first noticed it. He wore an angry expression on his face as he stomped, yes, like a toddler would, towards the fridge to guzzle down a can of soda. 

You, sitting on the couch mindlessly scrolling through your phone waiting for the time to pass on your off day, you planned to go to a club and slut yourself out to help remind yourself that you’re in fact hot and your ex missed out. Yet when he slammed the fridge door closed that caught your attention, perking your head up like a puppy.

“Uh, you alright?” You asked aloud, watching his eyes snap towards you with a frustrated huff. He figured if you put up with him this long then you must see the same misogynistic views he does about women. “No!” He scoffed out, dragging himself to sit on the couch next to you, like directly. Knees touching and everything.

This piqued your curiosity, maybe you could learn something about him? “What’s wrong?” You questioned as you shut your phone off, sitting up a bit straighter now, putting some distance between the both of you on purpose by grabbing a throw pillow.

Leon then started to rant and you’ve never been more disgusted and horrified in your life before. “I’ve been talking to this really hot chick and we were hitting it off, even had phone sex once or twice but when she asked me who my ideal woman was she ghosted me! Like what's wrong with saying women belong in the kitchen, or doing laundry, or even just cleaning. Women are only here to serve us alpha males.” 

Your nose scrunched up while your face morphed into genuine horror mixed with disgust. Is this seriously his mindset? It must be a joke or something of the sort because no way in hell. “Is.. is this a joke?” You asked, feeling puzzled as you looked around for a hidden camera. Out of all the people you got stuck with, you got stuck with an incel of all people.

Leon stared at you with the most serious face he could muster, he wasn’t kidding, in fact he was getting a bit upset that you were thinking he was joking. “Women are what's wrong with this world! You’re all too soft and so ditzy. You all think men’s feelings are a joke.” He grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and you swear you can make out a dried cum stain on his clothes. 

You felt so sick and also tickled, you’ve never heard someone or have been around a real life incel before and unfortunately this one came in the form of a super hot guy that wasn’t looking so hot anymore 

“Ew..” You stood up from the couch and stuck your tongue out slightly. “Is that how you see women? No wonder why she ghosted you, you’re a fucking incel.” You scoffed out, to which Leon got offended. “So?! What’s wrong with that?!” He shouted, the tips of his ears turning pink. It was different being scolded by a woman in person rather than over the phone because  he knows they can't hurt him physically but rather verbally. Plus it’s much easier to insult someone online versus real life.

“Do you actually hear the words leaving your mouth?” You questioned, staring him down intensely. Leon tried not to shrink in on himself, it reminded him of his mom telling him that he had done something wrong and now he was in trouble. So he doubled down and sat up straighter too, staring up at you. 

“Yeah, and what about it? Why do women get so butthurt over every little thing?” Leon grunted out, rolling his eyes like a little kid would. You were just astonished that he was willing to keep going even after being confronted with the fact, but you weren’t oblivious to the way his ears were turning red from embarrassment. “Fine, if that’s how you’re gonna be.” You murmured as you sat down on the coffee table right in front of him. His eyes follow your form curiously. If he was being honest the only reason why he actually moved in with you was because he thought you were really hot from your profile picture and even the photo you sent of yourself to prove that you were real, per his request. He jerked off to both photos for hours. (Plus his mom really did kick him out.)

Leon went to question you in hopes of turning the table around to make it backfire on you. Yet as his mouth opened to make another snide remark about women you spoke up first. “Let me be the first one to tell you this, and I mean this too.” You paused as you stared right into his eyes. “No woman is ever gonna have sex with you if you have this mentality and mindset.” You watched his eyes widen a bit and felt some joy come from it.

Leon balled his hands up into fists in genuine anger, a deep part of himself knew she wasn’t lying but the other part was so adamant on her being wrong. Obviously she didn’t know what she was talking about, women never do. “You’re a liar. You’re just jealous.” He scoffed out, narrowing his eyes into thin slits.

You were absolutely not lying.

Far from it actually.

The closest Leon had came to a pussy is on a computer screen, let’s face it. No woman on earth would wanna sleep with such scum such as him, not even prostitutes themselves want to take on such a tedious task. They’d rather kill themselves or have their pimp abuse them than sleep with him.

“Really, name 5 women you’ve had touch you in a romantic way.” You countered, staring into his eyes with an intense expression. Leon opened his mouth to try and smugly name a woman until he realized the answer was 0, he had no names because no one wanted him like that.

It was a blow to his ego and it showed on his face. If he wasn’t such a loser with terrible opinions along with his shitty personality then you would’ve felt bad but you didn’t. It was his own fault.

“That’s not fair.” He grumbled, staring up at you with a slight hurt look on his face. He wanted to get back at you. Make you regret and eat your words. How? Well that problem was quickly answered as he grabbed your wrist and pinned you beneath him on the couch. A yelp leaving your mouth at the sudden movements.

“What the—“ You were suddenly cut off by Leon’s hand slapping over your mouth, he smelled of cum and sweat, it made you wanna gag and throw up on him. “I bet I can make you cum so hard you’ll forget that you were mean to me.” He hissed, his fragile ego was broken because of you!

You furrowed your eyebrows before rolling your eyes. “Whatever.” You said underneath his palm, voice coming out muffled.

Leon smirked and moved his hand off your mouth, gazing lustfully at your body. He seemed confident but on the inside he was screaming at himself. He’s never touched or seen a woman in such an intimate manner in real life. This wasn’t a screen this time.

He gulped and hooked his fingers on the waistband of your sweatpants, he was determined to make you cum if it was the last thing he ever did.

Once he removed your sweatpants he found you commando beneath it. His breath caught in his throat, your mound was glistening beneath the light in the living room. It wasn’t even wet because of him, but he was dumb enough to not know the difference. He stared in awe before looking back up at your face when you cleared your throat awkwardly. “You gonna stare or what?” You questioned.

Leon shook his head before putting his hands on you, gently rubbing your inner thighs. Making you think that for a brief moment he might actually know what he was doing, right up until he pressed his thumb against your lower lips and started rubbing them.

Completely missing your clit.

He felt so aroused and a bit cocky now that he was touching your pussy, his eyes laser focused on your face to see if it was feeling good. He even tried dirty talk too. “Yeah? Does that feel good? I bet it does.” Literally hyping himself up.

You found it hilarious and decided to nod, stifling a laugh as you let out a fake over exaggerated moan he hears in his crappy pornos. Leon let out a soft groan at the sound, his hips bucking up into the air while his cock twitched.

Now, Leon had seen enough porn to know that he needed a condom and lube, obviously they never showed the actors prepping the girls' pretty cunts, they just stuck it in. Spoiler alert, foreplay is hot! None is not.

While Leon ran to his room you took the opportunity to finger yourself, even if you were sure he wasn’t packing much you wanted to be somewhat prepared for a small stretch, you groaned silently, throwing your head back in pleasure, clearly favoring your hand over Leon himself.

When you heard his footsteps you quickly pulled your hand away and watched as he excitedly took his pants off. Wow, so much for knowing how to pleasure a woman. It was funny to watch him struggle to keep it together when he kneeled back between your legs.

“I’m gonna put it in now.” Leon announced, squirting a generous amount of lube on your cunt before (attempting to) rolling on the condom. (You definitely had to help him. The last thing you wanted was to get knocked up by some dimwit.)

He put some lube on his cock, jerking off a bit while looking down at your pussy. Not your face. When he stopped masturbating he slapped the tip of his dick against your clit a few times, your body jolting in pleasure at the sudden sensation.

This immediately boosted his ego and you were in awe he was able to make you feel partially good. He was just daydreaming of how tight and warm your hole was going to feel. His dick wasn’t that big either, it was average length, average size, average balls. Just.. underwhelming and average.

“What’re you waiting for?” You murmured, snapping him out his trance briefly before he cleared his throat. “J-Just trying to brace you for my cock, it’s big right?” Leon questioned, feeling a bit insecure but he wanted you to make him feel better, feel like a man. That was a woman’s purpose after all.

“Yes (no).” You sighed out breathily, keeping up your act, dragging your nails down his body gently, causing him to shudder and nod with a smug look on his face. He pushed himself in fairly easily, considering your ex-boyfriends cock was much bigger and overwhelming, accidentally clenching down around Leon’s sad excuse of a penis which riled him up, thinking you had came.

You definitely missed his dick and now was stuck with some crappy one attached to a misogynistic freak. A soft sound of discomfort left your lips and Leon took it as a sign that you were enjoying it. You must love it! He was so confident in himself!

So confident that after 5-6 thrusts he spilled inside the condom, talk about a minute man. He was a millisecond man. His whole body spasmed from euphoric bliss, he had never cum this hard in his life before, burying his face in your neck, sloppily kissing at your skin because he couldn’t kiss for the life of him.

You were stunned someone could cum so quickly, that had to be a world record or something. Quickest man to cum after sticking it in or some random ass title, you hadn’t realized you had zoned out about the Guinness record book until Leon pulled his cock out from inside you, feeling good about himself.

He was panting softly from the intensity of his orgasm, leaning back against the couch to gaze at your pretty pussy, he wanted to eat you out too, wanting to show you he was good orally too.

“Was it good? Did you cum too?” Leon said as he stared into your eyes, wanting to hear you sing his praises and take back your harsh words that hurt his feelings. Almost like a puppy waiting for its owner to praise them for pissing outside the house instead of inside.

You grabbed your clothes and put them back on, smirking as you stared him dead in the eye. “No, I didn’t cum.” You snickered as his face dropped, kissing his forehead quickly. “Sucks to suck, Leon.” You said casually, getting up to go to your room and nap.

Leon sat on the couch stunned beyond relief, his cock kicking against his thigh as he watched you.

He swore under his breath that you were lying and you did cum, after all, delusion is key, and delusion is what made him become your roommate to begin with.

[l0n3ly-gh0st205]

Heyo Stranger, if you are like doing request rn can We get more white beard pirate's with child!reader crumbs pls 😌

A/n: Oh my days; ABSOLUTELY ANON!!!! Crumbs are my favorite hehe

Sorry, I responded so late; getting into the vibe of my second quarter at college and dealing with some personal stuff on the side, but! im here to feed the found family enjoyers! (also, I still love my college. It's super fun but stressful! I may post some of my assignments, but we are still in fundamentals rn)

Enjoy! :D

Child!Reader with the WBP!!

[■□□□□□□□□□] 10%

☆꧁༒Ĺoading. . .༒꧂☆

[■■■■■■□□□□] 60%

☆꧁༒Ĺoading. . .༒꧂☆

[■■■■■■■■■■] 100%

☆꧁༒Complete༒꧂☆

So, in previous posts, I mentioned that Marco and Thatch found a baby in a storm… but don't get me wrong, they're stupid enough to adopt a kid off the streets accidentally.

Obviously, in the new world and on the grand line, there are some not-so-great families/ pirates, so I don't think it's out of the question if a female crew member gets pregnant on a ship for them to, perhaps, dump their unwanted child on a random island and expect them to die or smth

And if the island had a town, then they’d most likely be living on the streets since it’s just another mouth to feed, and no one wants to put a strain on their already delicately crafted lives

But moving on from the sad stuff

Imagine if a toddler reader, just hungry and wanting some clothes for the winter, notices a new ship in the port and tries to steal some food and clothes

And, of course, a lil bby can't really steal too well, either falling into a barrel or easily getting caught by the crew…

Lucky for you, the white beard pirates have a soft spot for kids :D

God, just imagining thatch holding up this scrappy little baby, probably crying big fat tears from getting in trouble, up to white beard being like, ‘So what are we doing with this?’

And white beards’ parental instincts immediately kick in.

So yeah new little sibling :D’

I headcanon Ace as being the previously youngest crew member… so when i tell you he was SO happy someone else was now the ‘baby’ of the family it's insane

Would absolutely pick on you for everything, your age? Lil bby. Your height? Short stack. Hell you could drop a fruit on the floor on accident and ace will make fun of it

But even if he’s a little mean at times he’ll absolutely adore a younger sibling.

Like i imagine that he’ll look at you as kind of away to make up for some of the mean things he did to Luffy when they were young, and to make up for Sabo’s absence, so he’ll be the most defensive on your behalf if someone other than him starts picking on you

but on a little angstier note, that doesn't mean that Ace warmed up to you in the beginning

you were found by the crew shortly after ace was forced joined, and he was still in his lil emo era of hating everything and everyone

So while you were blossoming with all the love and affection your new family was giving you, Ace refused to see you, or any other whitebeard pirates, as his family.

you were probably one of the only reasons why Ace warmed up to the whitebeard pirates, and became so fiercely loyal to them to begin with though

but it was a slow process, and you probably got hurt a bit trying to befriend ace (kinda like luffy in the beginning((i may make a fic of this)))

but once he did warm up to you, and accepted his role as white beard pirate, oh boy!!!!!

will absolutely take care of you and try to mend any damage he did while he was pushing you away, big warm cuddle pile with lots of soft apologize and pinky promises will always be the antidote

also, i dont really need to mention this but ace is warm!! so if reader is still a baby baby, then alot of times when ace was available he’d be incharge of calming you down, since his hold was basically like a big warm blanket that would put you right to sleep

A/n: sorry this is super short, my brain is running on fumes but im still trying to crank out my own artistic stuff inbetween college work, and also trying to get a business and help my room mates animation studio get off the ground

but if you enjoyed this feel free to reblog and comment! i love reading comments!

also my requests are open!

[bingusbongu]

A/N: HAPPY YEAR OF THE DRAGON!!!!!!!!! so, as my first post this year, and since i started watching it, here is some Rottmnt boys x Dragon mutant reader!!!! I haven't finished the series, but i may or may not have accidently spoiled myself, so,,,,,,, yeah!

This is in gn! Pronouns! You can decide what your dragon looks like, but i will add in little bleps, like without wings/with wings, or if your character likes shiny stuff, etc!

Rottmnt boys x Dragon Mutant Reader!

Raphael

• he loves the fact that he isnt the only big mutant!!! But regardless, he still tries his best to be careful with though.

• you had to sit him down and explain to him that you basically had a set of body armor for him to relax. Honestly, it makes him feel better, less afraid to hurt you when he picks you up into a hug

• protests about you joining on missions, no matter how tough you are. You join nevertheless

• your guys's duo is kinda scary. If people werent intimidated by Raph, then you being thrown into the mix? With your claws and sharp teeth and towering figure? You can sure bet you both were a terrifying sight

• you are always behind Raphael. You two fight incredibly well together. Though, after Raph is all over you, making sure you're okay

• sometimes, a dragons scales can get damaged or scuffed up to where its uncomfortable. Raph is such a sweetheart. After intense battles, he will gladdly help you apply ointment to them if it makes you feel better!

• Cuddling is abit difficult for the two of you, saying Raphael's grip could be deadly sometimes. And not to mention the spikes on the back of his shell are an obstacle, and there is no way Raph could lay ontop of you without completely crushing you

• but, you were determined to cuddle this turtle if it would kill you. The only way you two manage to safely cuddle is when Raph is laying on his side, and you slide in and cuddle up into his body, letting Raph wrap his arms around you

• He is a churring mess when you two cuddle, especially when you nestle your head under his chin or into his neck. Though, one time while you two cuddled, a deep rumble came from your throat, much like a cats purr. Your rumbling unintentionally matched Raphs churring, and he was all over you

• if you have wings??? Raph thinks it's cool that you can fly! He would love to fly too, but he is afraid he would be way too much weight and doesn't want to accidently hurt you, no matter how strong you were. So whenever you offer, he politely declines (plus points if he is afraid of heights)

• you like Shiny things??? Raph will pick up any small trinkets he finds while he is out and about. It dosent matter what, but he loves bringing it back to you and watching you absolutely light up

• Raph is always there for you, especially if you have anger problems, which most dragons do. After you completely destroyed one of the rooms in the lair, he decided it would be best to keep close to you and calm you down

• if you are getting upset, all Raph has to do is get your attention on him. Maybe he lets out a few noises like clicks and churrs to calm you. Even if it is out on the battlefield, Raph doesn't want to see you hurt yourself, so he is automatically calming you down

• dragons can get quite protective, especially if its over someone who gained their loyalty. So when you get protective over Raph, it's a new feeling, and he kinda likes being the one on the other end then the protector

• you two fit together like missing puzzle pieces

• ( bonus for gentle giant x gentle giant )

Leonardo

• you are automatically the coolest thing he has ever layed his eyes on. A dragon mutant????? Who is HIS partner???? He has to pinch himself occasionally to make sure this was real

• he brags about you for sure, to his brothers, April, random people, you name it! He is already bragging

• "My partners a dragon, What can YOURS do?"

• tries to get you to sparr with him. You're always unsure because you dont want to hurt him, and he just waves a hand at you and claims it's because he could easily beat you

• ends up with his face down on the floor and his brothers clapping. He gents v grumpy about it, so he is determined to beat you at one point, (bonus if you go easy on him just so he could win)

• he is always trying his best to impress you. You're a dragon mutant. you're already rad!!! So he tries so hard to get validation from you

• though if he messes up a trick or whatever, he gets grumpy, but it's easily forgotten when he hears your laughter. He takes it a huge accomplishment to get you to laugh!

• he always compliments you, regardless if you're just standing there or kicking ass. He is absolutely commenting on how good you look

• IF YOU were the one complimenting him, any little thing, he has a huge ego boost and is all smug about it, while deep down internally screaming in victory.

• the number of times you had to save him before he hurts himself is insane. you easily pick him up like he weighed nothing, gripping the back of his shell delicatly as he flusterdly dosent maintain eye contact

• Cuddling dosnt happen constantly, the main times it happens is at night. He would be up watching one of those baby sensory videos at midnight and youre tired of hearing it, so you snatch the electronic out of his hands and drag him to bed, trapping him in a side hug as you curl your tail around him from preventing him from getting up. He would be complaning about it until he manages to fall asleep, he cant escape your grip

• oh, you tell him you like shiny things? He makes it his mission to find you the most high quality, shiny, big, and sparkly things he could get his hands on and bring it to you. It doesn't matter how big it is, Leo is already hoisting it up and going to give it to you like the best boyfriend he is

• you have wings??? Cool! He would love a pair of wings! Can you pick him up and fly him around???? Wait- to fast he is going to be sick-

• if you had anger issues, he found out the hard way and has been traumatized since, so he refrains himself from making you upset. Though, if you were to get upset during battle, he is on the side lines cheering you on like a cheerleader

• loves watching you kick villains ass's

• he adores your bravery! And your quick reaction times. How you're not afraid to jump into action, especially if it's defending him, it makes him swoon when you get all protective over him

• you two also fight super well together! Regardless, it's you always making sure Leo doesn't get ganged up on

• you being able to be patient with his stubbornness is a must. You gotta deal with him after all

Donnie

• definitely the most chill out of his brothers that you're a dragon mutant.

• youre allowed in his lab, only if your size wont accidently knock something over or take up to much space.

• you've had to save him multiple times from his inventions blowing up. Either shielding him away or picking him up with ease and moving him away from the danger. No matter how many times he reassures you, you're already to your feet when something is going on.

• Donnie knows you're capable of handling yourself, especially in battle. He doesn't worry too much about you. He knows you can easily knock someone into the concrete road. So he doesn't hover over you, just stops occasionally to see if you're okay before going back to what he was doing

• however, he makes you point out every hurt scale after battles or missions so he could put stuff on it. He doesn't like hearing your whining of pain because a danaged scale was piercing into your skin. He has a whole bunch of ointments just for you. He is on top of making sure you're fine.

• he definitely would love running his fingers againts your smooth and bumpy scales. Its like a sensory thing he cant get enough of. Especially when he is working on something, and it goes wrong. Instead of stressing over it, he runs his hand over your smooth scales and takes a deep breath

• Dragons can be quite smart and have swell knowledge. And if you do, Donnie loves your intelligence. Especially if he is just trying something and getting stuck, and before he could freak out, you calmly recite a fact and ask his thoughts on it.

• you are litterly the only one capable of getting him into bed. If he has been overworking himself, you'll just pluck him out of his chair and take a grumpy donnie to his bed to rest for the night, and wrestle him to stay in bed

• Sometimes, when Donnie gets stressed, you bring him to an area for him to relax in. If he doesn't want to be touched, you sit down on the next chair. But if he does, youde automatically up and laying down with him and let the turtle rant yo you about something

• likes it sometimes when he gets headaches and you let him lean his head on you. While you carefully massage his head so as not to hurt him. Your hands do wonders

• A lot of times, you guys just communicate through small noises. Especially while he is working on something and can't lose his focus. Youll let out a soft chirp of praise to him as he churrs back at you in return. Making it a back and forth cycle between the two of you, and you guys understood eachother perfectly. It confuses the others, but you two are fine with youre little communication system

• Sometimes, while he is tinkering and you're in the lab, too, he likes listening to your breathing. It may sound weird, but especially if you fall asleep, it's like a calming presence

• if you like shiny things, he found out when his tools went missing and you were attempting to hord them into somewhere to keep it safe. He gives you recycled tech you find pretty, or just lets you explore places, either on missions or trips to the junk yard to fiend new pieces. He lets you keep everything you find.

• you fly? Pretty neat, he uses his gadgets to fly, so you two are able to fly together. Despite his not being natural made. He also liked to feel the inside of your wing and feel its soft tissue, while being fragile with it to not harm you

• if you have anger issuss, he already made a device to track your mood, anywhere and everywhere. Just to make sure you're okay and not pulverizing someone. Though, if he gets pissed off at a villain or someone, he will let you lose and do your thing.

Mikey

• Sunshine x Sunshine protecter

• Goodness, this sweet little mad loves you and your intensity sm

• the first time he met you he was intimidated, but now you two are partners, he adores you

• No one, absolutely no one is allowed to fuck with him. Especially when you're around. One time when Leonardo teased Mikey, you stared him down so hard at him as if ready to slam him into the nearest wall. He backed off immediately

• you are pretty protective when it comes to Mikey, sure you dont hover over him, but you just make sure he isnt getting walked all over because he is the yongest

• Raph appreciates you and protecting Mikey. It gets a little bit of weight off his back to know his youngest sibling is safe ( he still worries regardless )

• loves to draw you! If you let him he would make full drawings of you, finding you a perfect muse. With all your details and complex features gives him a challenge! ( sometimes gets carried away )

• if you let him paint your scales, he is over the MOON. each individual one is like an empty canvas waiting to pop with color. Mikey would litterly sit there with you for hours on end decorating each and every scale. And he makes sure to use matching colors with them! It looks so good that you feel bad washing it off

• if you let him have some of your scales, he is definitely going to make them into some fun jewlery for himself, or for you! Like matching jewelry!

• tries out new cooking dishes to appease your taste buds. If you like more spicy food, he is on top of that! Making sure you get the right amount of food since dragons tend to get hungry often.

• he likes to game with you! Or - well, game while you watch. The one time you tried to play, you accidently broke one of the controllers cause you pushed too hard.

• absolutely the most affectionate of the family. It doesn't matter if you're bigger than him, he his jumping up and kissing your cheek no matter what!

• if you like Shiny things, Mikey will go out of his way to make you something. He finds the prettiest things and molds it together in a gift for you! The ones he gives you are your absolute favorite, you treasure them alot more than you do anything else

• if you have wings, he absolutely begs you to take him on flights. He is the lightest out of his brothers. He uses you as quick transportation to get to places!

• there is no way you can possibly get upset when he is right next to you. Is sweetness and just cinnamon roll energy always automatically calms you down. Though, if he is in a situation where he gets hurt, you are FUMING and ready to beat the shit out of anyone who gets near him until you calm down again

• doesn't understand why people are scared of you. You're the sweetest thing! Like a big puppy! Why are people running away from you????

• he knows he is safe with you, though he can take care of himself, he does appreciate your love and care.

• you guys definitely rub your cheeks together. it's adorable. He likes the feeling of your scales against his face. it's a rouch tingling feeling he likes.

• Mikey definitely asks to pet you sometimes. He easily finds the spots you like. Either rubbing the base of your horns or scratching your chin it gets your tail wagging and you rumbling and he loves it

• you are always with him. It's hard seeing you guys apart from one another! And he doesn't mind, unless he wants to do something on his own, you let him. But regardless, where Mikey is youre not to far behind

[itsmattchou]

like sweet chocolate ice cream !

pairing: seventeen maknae line x gn!reader warnings: probably profanity i swear too much, reader is implied to be shorter than mingyu, canon typical seungkwan violence in chans section, english isn't my first language!!! genre: fluff synopsis: just cute things the boys would do in a relationship! notes: started this thing in march and finally finished like a week ago. first post kinda nervous🥴 shoutout to my beautiful gf for helping me with this!💗

hyung line version

seokmin - has thousands of petnames for you. he knows you have a name. but calling you solely by your name is too boring for him- so he just resorts to petnames. but always using the same ones isn't good enough for him either, as no single petname alone could express his love for you perfectly. so he just uses every single one and switches them up every time: honey, baby, babe, darling, love, sweetheart, sunshine, pumpkin, flower, … you get the thrill. he calls you every pretty word he knows. will get offended if you don't switch up your petnames for him from time to time too.

mingyu - rests his head on yours. no matter how tall you are, there's a good chance he's still taller than you. and he absolutely loves loves LOVES it. he does that annoying thing tall people tend to do- purposely putting stuff you need on the highest shelf so you have to ask him to get it for you (he loves feeling needed)- but his favorite thing he can do because his height allows him to is resting his head on yours whenever he gives you a random back hug. and he does it every time he hugs you. and he hugs you all the time. your head isn't for you to use, it's just "mingyus headrest" at this point.

minghao - remembers everything you tell him about. whatever you're telling him, he is always 100% paying attention. whenever you ramble about something, may it be about a show you like, about the book you've read recently or just something that happened at work- he slurps up every piece of information as if he was dying of thirst. minghao thinks of you as one of the most important parts of his life, therefore he "should treasure everything about you, even your opinion on the sweater your boss wore today" (his words, not yours). you do find it endearing, of course you do, but it's still a bit creepy when he remembers stuff you can't even recall ever talking about…

vernon - only watches shows with you. he is your typical introverted, quality time as love language, chilled kinda guy. he enjoys simply existing next to you, he doesn't even need to talk to you. your presence next to him is already enough for him to be super happy- but he also knows it can get quite boring to do only that. so he just puts a show on for you two to watch! vernon refuses to watch a single episode without you and stops the second he sees you asleep next to him and 100% expects you to do the same thing whenever he falls asleep first. he's always on the lookout for new shows for the two of you to watch and has made a list for it. he really likes to call it "your thing".

seungkwan - is your personal hypeman. this man is simply so fun and precious. he loves when you talk to him about your day, your ideas, your worries, your everything- he also likes that he's able to do the exact same thing with you. but he not only listens, he also encourages you and hypes you up. for every little thing. you wore the green sweater today? AWESOME! you want to try a new lip tint? GO AHEAD! you show him lyrics you wrote? YOU SLAYED! karaoke night? YOU'RE BEYONCÉ! he's so proud of you and can't help but be your lil cheerleader boyfriend. he still gives you the "criminal offensive side eye" from time to time tho. nobody's safe.

chan - updates you on everything. there's nothing chan loves more than spending time with you. dates, cuddling or just silently enjoying each others presence: he's down for everything, as long as it means being with you. of course he can't spend every second of his life by your side (sobbing), so whenever he's not around you he resorts to texting you. "wonwoo hyung just sneezed" "seungkwan hyung just kicked hoshis kneecaps" "seungcheol hyung just told me to put my phone down" he updates you on everything that happened, doesn't even matter how important it is. also has that goofy smile on his face his hyungs make fun of him for whenever you text

[the-anime-enthusiast]

MHA CHARACTERS TYPE IN WOMEN

#3 Shoto Todoroki

SHOTO TODOROKI - PHYSICAL

Bro does not care 😭🙏 I personally believe that romance is very hard for him to understand and emerse himself in, so whenever he finally meets someone nice he barely pays attention to the physical ✋😌

Besides that I still gotta provide some grounds of his attraction so to start I think he likes slim women, not like super skinny, he's okay with some chub but he prefers athleticism (I blame his dad), someone who looks like they run cross country 🫡

LEGS LEGS LEGS you got long legs? Folded. 8 different ways. 🫡 He likes em bigger, skinny, muscle, bro does not care, he just likes them 🙂‍↔️ Finds himself laying next to you at night rubbing them, not even in a sexual way, just like giving massages and touching them 🧍‍♀️

Long hair 😉 He prefers someone with natural color, just any natural color honestly, BUT AN ABSOLUTE SUCKER FOR LONG STRAIGHT BLACK HAIR ‼️(momo cough cough) He's a very traditional man and finds beauty in traditional women 🤧

Small boobs ✋😌 He's never been a sexual person but loves em, something easy to grab 🌚

If you dress like a mom or a teacher he's puddy 🧍‍♀️ I believe he has a hard time expressing his feelings and understanding his own thoughts so this, he just kinda rolls with 😭 You got a thin maxi skirt, cardigan, SOME GLASSES? He's done for. K.O.‼️

Features don't matter a lot for him buuutt HE LOVES BEAUTY MARKS‼️ Like a lil mole on the face like Marilyn Monroe, he's checked out. His fav random feature he likes 🌞

SHOTO TODOROKI - MENTAL

Smart women 🙇‍♀️ Loves a big brain and someone who can just as logical as he is, seeing things for what they are on face surface 🙂‍↕️

motherly women 😭 He doesn't get it either but if you cook and clean for him ✋ Play with his hair til he falls asleep in your arms ✋ KISS HIS FOREHEAD ✋ He's a pile of puddy for you to play with bro 😭 He loves it 😌

SWEET AND GENTLE WHO DONT UNDERSTAND THEIR OWN STRENGTH‼️ He loves to give reassurance to the people he loves and ABSOLUTELY LOVES giving compliments, making you feel good about yourself, so when you often doubt yourself he kinda likes it 😭 Gives him an excuse to constantly tell you how great your doing and when you accept his compliments with warmth and love he practically dies 🫶

SHOTO TODOROKI - RANDOM

Had a crush on Kiyoko from HAIKYUU 🧍‍♀️ Watched it when he was like 12 and that was the first time he ever had a lil crush on somebody 🤭

LOVED watching the Geisha as a kid, always admired them so much, thought they were the most beautiful women he's ever seen too ❤️

BOARD GAMES‼️ Loves playing some board games with his s/o 🤩 Loves to play Mahjong, complex card games, even some of the new stuff like cards against humanity, but only when someone there to help him understand what's so funny about the game 😭🫶

Making tea and sweets are fav past time for him and his girl, Indulging her in her baking fantasies 😚 (stealing his dad's credit card information and buying her all the expensive supplies she needs) 🌝🎂

TRADITIONAL CLOTHING ‼️ GETS THIS BOY GOOOOIIIINNNGGGG ‼️ He loves it so so much, in an innocent way even, something about it lights the fire in his soul 😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

THATS THE POST ‼️‼️Again, I've never been a huge fan of SHOTO but trust me ✋ I get it so HERES SOME HEAD CANNONS FOR YALL ‼️ Hope you enjoyed, I've always loved the idea that he's OBSESSED. with traditionalist things so writing about it was SO MUCH FUN ‼️

the Geisha thing is my fav ☺️ Just little SHOTO watching them go down the street with his mom, awestruck by their beauty 😭🫶🫶

THANKYOU FOR THE SUPPORT AND LOVE, IM SO SO GLAD YALL ENJOY MY DRABBLES ‼️ BYE BYE POOKIES 😚😚 (LEMME KNOW WHO ELSE I SHOULD DO, ILL DO ANY ME CHARACTER‼️) (literally any 👁️👁️)

YOURS TRULY ‼️ SMUDGE 😉

[alsktudy]

— kimchi fried rice

» husband!soonyoung x wife!reader

» fluff ☁️, nonidol!au, office worker soonyoung, soonyoung hates his job, reader and soonyoung are trying for a baby!! HUSBANDHOSHI. HUSBANDHOSH. HOSHI AS UR HUSBAND

» warnings: talk about having children and financial issues

» w.c: 0.6k

» a/n: hoshi, can i I CAN be your wife. also my econs brain kinda switched on for this and omg husband hoshi husband hoshi HUSBAND. HOSHI. also im so glad alot of you enjoyed strawberries and whines, i was really nervous posting it :) interactions are appreciated 🤍

i love my job is what soonyoung would say if he was lying.

why he chose marketing as a career path... well, he doesn’t know himself. all he knows is that there’s two more minutes until he can go home, shower, eat, lie down and most importantly, see you, his wonderful wife.

usually, he’s not at the office this late, but his boss asked him if he could take a few extra hours for the team for a little pay rise for about a month.

at first he said no, i mean, why would he accept? he hated his job enough, extra hours added to the already long day of sitting behind a desk was torture, but then you reminded him about your future children.

before he was approached about the extra hours, you and soonyoung decided talk about children and stumbled upon the issue about finance.

its not like you were struggling to meet the rent or struggling to buy the groceries - you two pulled through quite well considering the current rate of inflation. but you both agreed that the money that you both currently had wasn’t enough to raise another human being. plus, soonyoung mentioned how he wanted to spoil his kids with cute little onesies (tiger ones) and baby shoes, but, he couldn’t spoil your kids responsibly if there was barely any money to spend.

so he reluctantly agreed and decided to work for 3 extra hours, for you and your future little ones.

—

another reason why he hated his job is that it was so far away from home. on his normal hours, when he got back from work you’d be awake doing whatever random things you decided to do. but ever since he took those extra hours, he often goes back home to a dimly lit apartment, seeing you asleep on the bed, gripping your phone while it plays a youtube video.

he doesn’t wake you up, and he never does. all he does is carefully slip your phone out of your hands, places it on your bedside table, has the quickest shower of his life, heats up whatever leftovers are in the fridge and quietly eats alone.

that's why he didn’t expect so see you running towards the door with your arms wide open when he tried enter as slowly and quietly as he could.

you yell his name excitedly and wrap your arms around him, nuzzling your head onto his chest. his eyes widen as he is still yet to process that his wife is hugging him, when she’s usually asleep. i mean, not that he’s complaining.

he is quick to engulf his wife who he missed into his arms and tightens his grip around you until he smells something familiar. you look up to see his rather confused face turn into a wide-eyed smile.

“is that… kimchi?” he says smiling looking down at you, as if he couldn’t smile more.

you nod your head quickly and correct him by adding the, “fried rice.” then you’re suddenly picked up off the ground and spun around by your sweaty and sticky husband.

he places you down before you begin to comment on his stench. “please shower before we eat though, you smell absolutely horrendous. you literally sit at a desk for hours… how can you even get this smelly?”

he shrugs in reply as he sneaks in a quick taste of the fresh kimchi fried rice that you made. as he scoops the rice into his mouth, he hears you yell at him, “soonyoung, shower now!”

‘she’ll be a great mother’ he smiles cheekily at the thought as you chase him around the kitchen island, spoon hanging out of his mouth.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

HOW I WOULD’VE WRITTEN YUKIMIYA AND KUNIGAMI

i made a silly post last night about something i would’ve done differently in the neo egoist league and it inspired me to finally make a proper post explaining how i, personally, would’ve written yukimiya and kunigami specifically, given that the both of them are currently suffering from benched-character-syndrome (that’s not a real thing, i just made it up, but i’m sure you all can figure out what it means)

disclaimer before i start: this is MY OPINION and just one way that things could be done differently — i’m not saying that this way is better or worse (on the whole i actually have been enjoying kaneshiro’s decisions so this is definitely not hate), it’s just a different perspective!! i will be cutting many characters in the course of this explanation, including some fan-favorites ones, but don’t take that personally, because for the most part, it doesn’t mean i hate them 😩 in fact i typically like most of them, this is just from a writing perspective ☝🏻

disclaimer two: i am not a professional writer or mangaka or anything — i’m literally typing this while eating a rice bowl at my kitchen counter!! so don’t expect peak fiction and DO expect plenty of typos…i also don’t know how the manga is going to go and this could be rendered completely obsolete (writing this as of chapter 276) in like an arc or so 😓 please don’t come in my notes and call me stupid or say i have zero reading comprehension or whatever other insult you feel inspired to come up with (i know some of y’all like to tussle 😰), put that energy into making your own post or ignoring me or whatever brings you peace and joy 🥰

OKAY now that that’s over with we can finally get started!! LMAO sorry for the lengthy disclaimers i’m scared of some people in fandom tbh because some of the notes i’ve seen on my mutuals’ posts/some of the fandoms i’ve been in in the past…anyways…

@sharkissm here’s the post i promised you!!

YUKIMIYA KENYU

poor yuki…he went from number 5 in blue lock to a literal random in bastard münchen?? okay maybe not quite RANDOM but he’s approaching that status 😓 it feels as though the character he was set up to become in the third selection and u20 arcs is not the same as the character he became in the NEL arc both in terms of worldview and play-style!! so to begin with, i’d make some heavy adjustments to his backstory in order to explain away some of those discrepancies in a more consistent manner

as we know, yuki had a pretty good childhood, all things considered — much more in line with the isagis of the world than, say, bachira, and not to mention kaiser. well, the first thing i’m going to do is take that away from him completely!! instead of having an idyllic childhood where he’s incredibly perfect, i want him to be from a “bad” area of japan. of course, both in real life and in blue lock, japan does not have any crazily horrible terrible areas, but all countries have their sketchier parts, and i want yukimiya to be born in one of those. he lives his childhood as an absolute MENACE and is the kid that adults hate to see coming. his parents work a lot, so as much as they love him and try to raise him as best as they can, they’re not there to correct him 100% of the time, so he kinda just runs roughshod and does whatever the hell he wants. in his light novel, it’s mentioned that he learns to play soccer with this old man and his dog, and i’m actually not going to take that aspect away from him completely because it’s cute, but i will change the context a bit; instead of it being a chance encounter, the old man actually seeks yukimiya out and asks to teach him soccer. maybe his son went down a similar path that yukimiya has begun down and while he can no longer save his son, he at least wants to help yuki out and channel his energy into something more productive, hence soccer!!

after learning soccer from the old man and his dog, yukimiya begins to play it on the streets with some of the other local kids (who are just glad he’s not being a bully anymore and are happy to play along) which is the beginning of the development of his street-style dribbling (in reference to that majestic ass panel of him in the u20 game that was like hardly ever referenced again) as well as his dominance as the one-on-one king. he’s basically undefeatable, and this leads to something of a superiority complex in that he is firmly convinced that he is the protagonist, he is the one that the universe favors, and he absolutely cannot and will not lose and nothing bad can ever happen to him. he continues to be an asshole in general and is still the kind of guy that your parents would tell you to stay the hell away from, however!!

things change when his eyesight starts deteriorating. he goes to the doctor, and that’s when it’s revealed that he has this eye disease (is it even named in canon?? idk i’m just going to call it eye disease) and he might eventually go blind. that night when he leaves the doctor, it’s pretty much in despair, because soccer is the only thing that makes him happy given how miserable his surroundings are (again, there’s obviously many countries and places that have it way worse, but for young yukimiya who is comparing it to the rest of japan, it’s not that great) and he feels like he’ll now be stuck in the same cycle that his parents are caught in. on the way home, he sees one of those religious billboards that’s all like “god will always forgive you” and since he’s at one of the lowest points of his life thus far, he decides that he’s going to become religious because this blindness/disease must be a punishment from god for the things he’s done.

soon after, he’s walking home from school or something random (this is meant to be an extreme coincidence given the situation) and is scouted to be a model. this reaffirms his conviction that his conduct thus far is wrong and that if he ever wants to escape and live the good life that he dreams of, he has to abide by god’s rules and follow his ways. he gets into modeling and makes enough money that he and his family can move to a better part of the country, where he begins to play soccer for his new high school and is quickly recognized for his skill/talent. through this process, he learns how to be incredibly polite, kind, and altruistic, because he’s already been “punished” once and doesn’t want to face it again…he also wants to prove that he is better now and deserves this new life of his as much as if he had born to it + he doesn’t ever want to go back to where he used to be!!

what this backstory change accomplishes: it explains the street soccer panel in a more satisfying way, and it also gives a reason for why yuki is so kind in the 3rd selection/u-20 match and then suddenly becomes incredibly selfish in the NEL — instead of it just being explained away as ego, it shows how blue lock manages to draw out the worst aspects of one’s personality via competition, because yukimiya, who has worked so hard to be good and kind, reverts to his childhood personality almost instantly under isagi’s pressure!! it also explains why yuki’s so quick to just go back to being chill, as he probably feels guilty that he let himself slip like that and doubles down on being a “good person”

now as for the actual games this is where i think i will make the most people mad BUT i would’ve gotten rid of kurona and had yukimiya replace him!! to be honest as much as i do like kurona, he was very very randomly dropped in (i literally thought i had missed the manga panel introducing him because his actual first speaking appearance was so out of the blue) and there were already established characters that could’ve taken that role (ex. yukimiya). i would’ve sent kurona (and honestly probably kiyora) over to barcha because they likely would’ve gotten along well with bachira and otoya plus their passing skills could’ve made barcha a stronger team!! this also serves to isolate isagi more and gives him literally no one but hiori on his side — in this scenario, i want yukimiya to be SO altruistic (as per the backstory change) that he will pass to anyone, just as long as that’s what’s best for the team (the “greater good”). if yukimiya stays the 1v1 emperor, this also adds another dynamic to the kaisagi rivalry as well as possibly adding a ness vs hiori dynamic because that would mean that more often than not, yukimiya would have the ball, and he’s the one who they will rely on to break through the defense before passing to one of the other midfielders (ness, hiori) or going straight to one of the strikers (kaiser, isagi) (yes i know there’s only one striker on a team but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN). this version of yukimiya could also have a very interesting dynamic with kaiser as both of them come from somewhat similar backgrounds (obviously kaiser is worse but there are similarities) however kaiser forsakes everyone in order to view himself as a god, or god’s chosen one, whereas yukimiya once believed himself to be that but has now forsaken that aspect of his ego in order to place his beliefs in others and in a higher being. this means kaiser could also be a method of awakening yukimiya (giving him interactions with more of the team than just isagi) where his selfishness makes yukimiya realize that if he wants to survive and continue dominating on the field as the 1v1 emperor, he also has to be a little more selfish (a leader instead of just a follower), allowing him to settle into a blend of his new personality and his childhood one, where he’s still kind and agreeable but also a little bossy and much more assertive/willing to score his own goals even if it’s not necessarily for the greater good 100% of the time

what this new role accomplishes: it allows yukimiya to have much MUCH more play time as he deserves given the hype built up for him during the third selection (he was ranked higher than NAGI, which yes it was in the second selection but second selection nagi was a beast so that says something about yuki for sure [as well as karasu and otoya but we’re not talking about them atm]), it gives us a smaller cast to work with on bm (because at the moment there are just too many blue lockers getting random backstories and doing one thing in a game before ghosting and honestly if all of their individual contributions were consolidated into one character, in this case yukimiya, it would make that one character much stronger as well as taking away the plotsagi accusations as now isagi isn’t the only one consistently doing things in games) and allows us to get much more attached/involved with the stakes of the games, and it gives kaiser dynamics with the rest of bastard münchen instead of just isagi, which fleshes him out a bit more as well

KUNIGAMI RENSUKE

i’m sure this is what most of you are reading for (although i hope you went through the yukimiya part and enjoyed it as well!!) and trust i have come to deliver because i have many thoughts about kunigami…my biggest gripe is that his return from the wildcard was so built up and then the narrative treated it as so utterly unimportant (why do literally none of the characters gaf??? like there were a couple of panels touching on it but nowhere near the significance it shoudl’ve been given) that the readers themselves have zero stakes in it!! like if isagi, who considered kunigami a fairly good friend as far as blue lock goes, barely questions why his friend is so different now, then why should we as readers care either?? now, if/when the wildcard reveals are done, they will MOST LIKELY not have the same impact that they could’ve if kunigami as a character was treated differently in the narrative (again, maybe this will change and there will be something that makes the punch of it still hit just as hard, but as of the moment i’m writing this post, i don’t feel that that will happen)

there’s two routes that i could see kunigami taking, and both of them involve kicking out some fan favorite characters (again) but in the first case it’s only temporary!! i’ll go through the first one and then the second one and cover my ears as the bm fans yell at me for axing kaiser and ness

that’s right, route one involves getting rid of kaiser and (most likely) ness entirely!! i am actually of the firm belief that the ng11s (specifically kaiser and lorenzo) were introduced too early. people legitimately think lorenzo is a bad player just because ubers lost vs bm even though kaiser himself had difficulties when lorenzo was covering him…in my opinion the ng11s should’ve been kept as a mysterious entity whose only representative we see is sae itoshi (for narrative reasons) until the u-20 world cup, where ng11s randomly show up in some of the matches to raise the stakes and allow individual blue lockers to confront their demons/weakness and develop further (for example, in a game against, say, the italian u-20 team, maybe shidou learns how to break through a defensive set up with lorenzo at the center?? and that particular match is the ‘shidou match’ random example because idek if shidou’s built like that but you get the gist). i honestly don’t even mind kaiser being there as much because at least he’s doing stuff and still feels like he’s on another level but lorenzo shouldn’t have been shown until later — anything he does, aiku could’ve accomplished and that also would’ve built the rivalry between him and barou that was hinted at in barou’s ln…but anyways my thoughts on aiku can be a separate post because i have digressed!! back to kunigami

in this version, i want him to be isagi’s main rival instead of kaiser, who’s not here at all. make his new ego so obsessed with scoring goals that he cannot fathom anyone else doing it. whatever wildcard did fucked him up so badly that he is absolutely TERRIFIED of returning, so even if it makes the team lose, even if it makes him an asshole, he will do anything to score and prove himself as “useful” to the team so that, even in the worst-case scenario, he’s the one being chosen instead of anyone else (the way reo was chosen over him). this also creates a much deeper rivalry than just “who gets to be the star of the team” as it’s rooted in kunigami’s insecurity and fear of wtvr the fuck was going on in wildcard. this also builds wildcard up as something much more terrifying than it has been so far in canon, because when you think about it it MUST have been horrible and that’s gone somewhat unacknowledged except for brief hints and glimpses, and it also adds a legal/moral/ethical dilemma — because obviously wildcard WORKS, kunigami is the proof of it (as isagi’s main rival, he’s scoring all of the goals that kaiser did, so he’s obviously eating it up), but is it sustainable?? is it something that they can do en masse?? because there’s no question that it’s destroyed kunigami completely, so is it even worth it?? or is it one of those things that you think is worth it when you start (the way kunigami must’ve) but afterwards you regret entirely??

however, given the importance that kaiser has to the NEL (he’s kind of the face of it to be honest), as well as how many fans he has, i can totally understand leaving him in, so i have another option, which i also really like. in this route, i want to use kunigami to replace ness — which doesn’t make sense at first i know but hear me out!! ness hasn’t contributed enough to the plot (besides his dynamic w kaiser ig) for me to feel bad about kicking him out honestly and that’s one less character on the main cast that we have to care about, allowing for more depth to the characters that DO exist. in this scenario, kaiser’s in a loki-esque situation, where all he needs to get that coveted re al offer is someone with the crazy strength to push through players like lorenzo (we’ve seen kaiser struggling with defense before, and as barou says in second selection, kunigami has the build to hold the ball up at the top of the field)…enter kunigami, who’s very obviously a prime candidate for this, and kaiser POUNCES!! he thinks he’s going to have to convince kuni to take his side instead of isagi’s, but surprisingly, kunigami very readily agrees to it. this is because in this route, kunigami resents the blue lockers, including isagi, because while he was effectively being tortured, they were being lauded with praise and shown on live tv as celebrities and whatnot. they never suffered in the way he did, and although he does believe that wildcard was necessary for him to evolve (not a healthy mindset but the one drilled into him), he still wishes the rest had endured what he did, because it scarred him so much that he almost cannot handle knowing that he went through it alone while the others were enjoying themselves (comparatively)?? so he teams up with kaiser and is actively working against his old friends (for maximum effect add in reminders/callbacks to the team z days to give extra angst to the “betrayal”)…it would also be very fun to juxtapose kunigami’s and kaiser’s backstories here, as kunigami had a good life that was ruined by soccer, whereas kaiser had a shitty life that was saved by soccer, and this could definitely come through in their particular brands of desperation while playing!!

now, there’s plenty of theories floating around that ness will assist isagi in scoring the final point against pxg (now that IGAGURI is in for some reason idk if that’s still a likely outcome but i can def see it happening) however my counter-point is don’t have kunigami assist isagi with the two-gun volley…give that to yukimiya (given he’s a character like i outlined previously) or even hiori, and instead have kunigami pay isagi back for the half of the steak (therefore acknowledging their past and old friendship for the first time since his return) by passing him the ball instead of kaiser, the way everyone expected/was covering for. this allows isagi to still score the final goal against pxg while giving it more of an emotional meaning than just “oh isagi has to win because he’s the main character”

alternatively, if pxg is meant to win, then i would leave the two-gun volley as it is, but i would just make it so that the setup is still kunigami choosing isagi over kaiser and acknowledging their old friendship, and i would make a bigger deal out of the pass since the build up is different!! i also wouldn’t have noa tell kunigami to manmark shidou the entire time…instead i would make kunigami obsessed with shidou in the BEGINNING of the game, but i would have kaiser/isagi/noel noa yell at him for this obsession and remind him that the objective is winning, not revenge, so he’s still active in the game instead of just being stuck on babysitting shidou duty (this role could be given to yukimiya actually, again given that he’s written as i stated previously, as he’s the 1v1 emperor so he has enough of the physicality to accomplish that and keep the ball away from shidou if it gets near him, and he’s already done enough in the previous games that it’s alright for him to take a bit more of a backseat especially after two-gun volley)

as a footnote, EITHER route you like, there’s one thing that was absolutely a missed opportunity which i’d like to focus on, and that’s kunigami’s dynamic with noel noa. it’s not a secret that kunigami’s supposed to be a copy of noel noa, but what does noa think of this?? i need their dynamic to be weird and fucked up…like he’s noa’s protege, as he’s meant to be a copy of the man, but noa is simultaneously absolutely disgusted by ego, becuase what do you mean his old rival who faded into obscurity has suddenly returned with this child whose body and life and future he completely ruined, whose mental state is absolutely destroyed, just so that he could finally “beat” noa?? just so that he could make a copy of the man that he could never actually be himself?? and this disgust with ego transfers to noa also almost shunning kuni and avoiding him when possibly/treating him way more strictly than he does the others…which only makes kunigami try to work ten times as hard to prove himself…but this only freaks noa out more and it’s just a vicious cycle LSKDFJHSLK

ANYWAYS so this was a crazy long post but it’s really not meant to be taken all too seriously!! like i said these are just musings about how two characters that i personally like could’ve been used differently 🤩 if you read all of this then you’re a goat fr and feel free to talk to me about blue lock/anything else at any time!!

what was that youtube ass outro

[canmom]

100%ed neon white.

it took about 32 hours. lots to say about this game...

mechanics/design

it is fr an absolute tour de force of mechanics and level design. call it a platformer or an FPS (it's kinda both), it delivers a sense of speed and flow like few games I've played. since this is a pretty big inspiration for types of game I might want to make (such as the backburned THRUST//DOLL project) let me break it down a bit.

the learning curve is excellent. like many games, it gradually introduces new movement options with interesting ways to combine them, and levels themed around the new movement option. but the shortcut hints system adds an extra dimension. essentially, levels are scored on time, with bronze/silver/gold/ace medals; generally speaking the level will guide you along a route, and a clean run will get you the gold, which will unlock a hint to guide you to a shortcut which will let you reach the ace. the ace times are far from optimal, but do tend to require a bit of execution skill.

the result of this design is that it's hard to get stuck, but you are gradually given an introduction to speedrun routing over the course of the game. I was, inevitably, the type of player to insist on getting an ace on each level (and grabbing the gift) before moving on, but it is totally optional. that said, it's perfectly designed to retry levels until you nail it: restarting is near instant, the music doesn't get interrupted, and it's very easy to get into a flow state, gradually getting more familiar with the level and discovering new tricks.

along with this is the gift system, required to unlock additional dialogues and backstory scenes. every level has a gift box hidden somewhere, and while this isn't timed, it takes on more of a puzzle aspect as you have to figure out the right way to use the level's movement resources to platform to the gift.

the design of the levels has something in common with a Sonic level: a series of rapid dashes forwards interspersed with moments of floating in the air, when you need to spot the next thing to target. generally speaking it's built to facilitate flow: if you're on the main route, you typically get a movement card just at the moment you'll need it, mixing between sections of shooting and using the discard to keep you on your toes. (even so, it does kind of have a rhythm game aspect). the level design, colour palette etc. does a solid job of guiding your eye towards the next place to go.

enemies are stationary, and only barely a hazard - generally more of a tool. they're part of the level design, with many of the later levels designed around specific enemies which either kill other enemies or help you move. since most levels require you to kill all the demons 'when to kill which enemy and how' is a large part of the routing, but generally speaking you kill enemies nearly instantly if you're on pace.

I ended up playing most of the game on controller; there is a pretty helpful aim assist that makes this possible at all, though I switched to kb+m on the last few levels where rapid aiming became more important. in my previous post I said the controls are 'tight' - what I mean by that more precisely is essentially loads of air control. indeed, you have pretty much the same horizontal acceleration in the air and on the ground, making it very easy to steer into position to line up moves.

in general I think a huge aspect that makes this game work is that it's very predictable. there is essentially zero RNG beyond the chaos of physics; enemies have predictable attack patterns and always stand in the same place, so you can plan like 'I'll grab the shotgun and shoot that guy then dash through that guy which will give me the rifle and let me dash into that balloon' etc. etc. it is also very visually readable, making it pretty easy to make a split second judgement of where to go next while hurtling through the air.

this is exactly how speedrunners tend to approach games, minimising sources of randomness and exploiting predictable behaviours; in general the genius of this game is to take the jank out of speedrunning so that you don't have to master complicated tech or rely on RNG to get the experience of gradually refining your movement through a level.

but, it's not just 'easy mode speedrunning'. even just looking at friends' times, I can see there is a huge degree of room for improvement; the global leaderboard even more so. there are special secret red medals if you can beat the lead developers' times, of which I have so far managed to get only one (it took me by surprise on a late-game level), and even then I'm still like forty seconds behind a friend's score on that level. I bet there's some crazy tech in the fastest runs. maybe at some point I'll go back and see if I can tighten up my times on other levels, though I feel pretty satisfied as thing stand.

all in all, should I manage to return to solo game dev projects (or even if we ever make a speed game at work), there is a lot to learn from Neon White.

narrative/aesthetic

so mechanically, very positive. on the aesthetic aspect: it's a very slick game, particularly with machine girl's latter-day breakcore soundtrack (machine girl is the most trans-ass name for a band but is actually two guys, unless some eggs remain uncracked here...). the UI flows very nicely - not quite as flashy as something like Persona 5 but definitely in that direction. it's a game that wants you to know it's stylish; Paradise Killer comes to mind.

and visually it's very solid! the levels are varied and, while generally consisting of 'floating architecture over an ocean', appealingly lit and coloured. the enemies have distinctive silhouettes and there are some cool unusual designs, like the giant laser heads, as well as some classics, like mimic chests (not particularly stealthy).

but of course the main visual aspect is the character portraits, illustrated by Rebecca Ryan. which is to say: white clothes with monochrome accents according to each character's colour name (curiously the characters are known only by colours in both life and death), animesque illustration, and hannya masks. and a bunch of symbolic manga-like expressions (blush, anxiety gloom, etc.) these portraits (plus, here and there, CGs) show up in the visual novel-style story sections and generally speaking, they work - if in a very 'Americans paying tribute to anime' way.

the story... most of what people react to is the whole weebcore thing it's got going on, finding it either cringe or endearing depending on taste. I feel like there is little to say about this that has not already been said. apparently the intent was to fit the style of dubbed anime, and... yep, it does.

instead I want to talk about... the religion thing! because what's going on there!

well, it's not that complicated on one level. the smarmy 'believers' stormed heaven and killed god, setting up essentially an american mall in its place. but this 'heaven' is actually Sheol; God was managing it using two macguffins called the Books of Life and Death. your goal turns into restoring God to His rightful place. these Books come with a Star of David on the cover, with a bunch of smaller ones around it...

the game is also however full of crosses, which generally speaking seem to be the Believers' symbol/weapon, as seen here in the Third Temple area (you know... not clear why this is in the afterlife as opposed to Jerusalem)

so it's fairly easy to read: most of the old school 'Heaven as it should be' stuff is associated with Jewish symbolism, but the dang Christians ruined everything.

the plot, meanwhile, rather heavy-handedly focuses on a theme of the importance of forgiveness. broadly speaking the story is that our lovable MCs - dorky MC White, slightly dommy love interest Red, childish and violent Violet, and laid back bro Yellow - who were all treated as disposable tools by the group's abusive leader Green. who is basically Vicious.

right down to the hairstyle!

the characters in this game, while decently voice acted, are all terribly one note archetypes. the story flashbacks almost all concern the botched job where Green - with White's support - led the whole group to their deaths for the sake of a long held grudge.

later in the story, Green gets a new 'destroy this shoddy universe' motivation, but it is honestly pretty unconvincing. probably the best aspect of his character is the dark yaoibait interactions with his object of obsession White, but this isn't the kind of game to go all-in on that front (its attitude to sexuality is very much a 'tease but don't depict').

all this leads up to a final decision to basically decide whether Green goes to heaven or hell. if you send him upstairs, White also gets to move on (I picked this since the game was blatantly angling very hard towards this being the true end); if you don't, White apparently remains trapped in Sheol until the next cycle. the thrust of it is basically you need to forgive and move on instead of obsessing over those who have wronged you.

Green remains unrepentant throughout - if you Book of Life him, he's not exactly happy about this, going like 'what do you have to gain from this' lol. the point is pretty explicitly not 'your enemies deserve forgiveness' and more 'don't let them live rent free in your head' I guess.

as a theme this is... reasonable enough? probably best not to stay mad about shit if you can avoid it, though certainly easier said than done. but the presentation suffers a lot from, well, telling/showing issues. you know this is the theme because towards the end of the game, the characters talk about it, a lot. ironically for a game in which you get sermonised at by comedically smug preachers in between chapters, it feels very much like sitting in a sermon: abstract ideals that don't really connect because the characters are so one-dimensional.

(it turned out, reading the credits, that one of the co-writers of this game was Aevee Bee, of WKTD/HWBM. I have lingering beef with her because she joined in brigading a friend of mine out of the indie game sphere over spurious vague accusations back in the day - a peripheral player but still very much on the wrong side of it, and to my knowledge she never apologised or anything. so it all feels kind of 'bit rich coming from you' for her to go off about the importance of forgiveness and moving on. but, even aside from that, on a craft level the story's approach to its theme already felt heavy-handed and unconvincing.)

beyond that... I'm just plain not convinced that resurrecting God is all that. the game's presentation of God is basically distorted audio and blurry shapes for text, with the characters reacting as if they understand; the Angels are presented as cute cartoon cats with the explicit conceit that this is just White's brain comprehending the incomprehensible (though we do get a brief wheel of eyes appearance near the end). but the reason the plot has to play out as it does, with God essentially choosing White to put things right because of the remorse in his soul... well, let's just say I don't much like chosen-one narratives in general, and the Abrahamic set dressing does not help. it feels very arbitrary, but also a bit straightforward and comfy for all this vague guesturing towards being strange and alien.

all that said, as much as I'm ragging on it, I do appreciate that it tried for something. a distinctive identity which doesn't fit my taste is better than a game with no identity. the character interactions are generally pretty charmingly silly. White and Red do at least make a convincing couple. Sungwon Cho is there, playing a father-figure office worker angel in his characteristic style.

other observations

the game's team is very small, with one developer (Esposito) doing most of the programming and mechanics; besides that we have a couple of level designers, a couple of artists... However, it had the funding of Annapurna Interactive, who recently made the news for basically imploding, but have been a pretty big player in the indie sphere of late. and obvs Machine Girl are kinda huge in their scene, but really a lot of the names are also pretty familiar ones if you've been hanging around indie games for a while. it's sort of like... indie but by broadly established names. still, small team makes me wonder: how feasible is it to make a game along these lines, either as a solo project or with a similarly small team at work?

what is notable is that it seems to have gone through a pretty long period of iteration; apparently an earlier version of it used randomly drawn cards, before the current predictable speedrunning focus came in as a clearly better approach. which is interesting: it has such a laser focused design that I would have guessed that it would be a speedrunning game from the outset. definitely a testament to experimenting around different ideas, which is really the essence of game dev.

the main thing I feel like I should take away if I return to working on THRUST//DOLL - which had a very similar planned structure, of fast levels that focus on time and visual novel sections to tell the story - is that if you're moving at high speed, it's absolutely essential that the information that you need to make a decision is readable, and acting on it is not too finicky. I might have to rethink the bullet-hell aspect, and introduce similar 'snap to enemy' mechanics to the dash abilities in the later stages. something to think about another day, anyway, I'm not sure when I might be able to continue that project.

all in all, fun game, very addicting, I have so much work to catch up on now...