#But at the moment I am feeling pretty okay compared to how I'd assumed I would feel!

[yesmissnyx]

Hang in there, babes 💕 Somebody out there loves you so very much, and wants to see you to thrive.

[alexandriteobscuraarchive]

I think I might've missed the posts about the situation but why did you split your blog up and (most importantly) are you doing okay? I know that was something that was a big source of stress for you. Also can people follow your new blog?

((First and foremost: thank you for asking if I'm okay or not. I know that's a rather easy thing to just assume one way or another online and I appreciate the care and effort. Also I'm sorry if you missed anything important, I tried to reblog the related posts a handful of times but you can't always reach everyone, you know? It wasn't intentional I assure you. To answer if I'm okay or not I'm....getting there, is the best way to put it I suppose? I'll try to keep this brief.

I'm taking a slight break (not a hiatus and while I do occasionally slap a post on the dash I'm not really speaking or engaging ic) from this blog because; and I'm trying to keep this is a simple as I can, I'm dealing with a lot of feelings of anger and resentment towards this blog (which I know is unfair to the people--which is pretty much everyone here---who haven't done anything wrong but I'll spare detailing you the intricacies of my deeply rooted anxieties and etc) which is harder for me to reconcile/progress with in a positive way compared to feeling stressed and lonely over on the new blog at the moment and so I'm choosing to focus my efforts over there because I feel like I can progress in a positive/healthy way, enjoy what I'm doing in a safe space, and so on. I am incredibly stressed---what I did and am still working on diligently to the best of my ability every day---is stressful to the point of being overwhelming if I think about it too hard, look at everything on the whole, etc, but it's necessary. It's necessary to enforce boundaries and not neglect myself a space where I can write what I want and what I love so dearly and that makes it worth it.

I split my blog up due to a lot of unwarranted harassment (anonymous for the most part but some people weren't, all of them have been blocked) that has been going on for months a thing that only increased in severity in spite of my earnest attempts to understand or work through what was going on, reconcile any expressed 'issues', repeat and thorough attempts to explain my side of things including offering to help people around the content that they professed to hate so strongly (said hate which bled over to me as a person and writer/roleplayer in general) and so on. It became untenable incredibly quickly---and if you followed me to alexandrite (which had a different name/center muse originally but I digress) from my former rp blog you'd know how severe the harassment there was and how I promised myself I'd handle such things in the future--- and this is me doing that. This experience on the whole was incredibly similar to the one that happened on my og blog and I promised myself that I wouldn't go through that again if i could help it.

I deserve to be treated better; both by myself and by everyone else, and this is me doing that (meaning treating myself better at the very least rather than staying in a hateful/hurtful environment) even if most days it makes me want to scream. Did I want to split everything up? To be completely honest no I did not. But I think in the end this is the best solution for everyone involved---but most of all this is the best solution for me---and once the stress ebbs a bit (and by a bit I mean a lot, a fucking lot, because I'm kinda drowning rn lol) I'm hoping to feel more secure. I'm....getting there, like I said. One thing at a time, always one thing at a time. I'm already doing good things over there and soon I'll be doing good things over here again too. Both blogs can (and will) coexist and we can all have fun together no matter where you follow me or who you want to interact with....eventually. I wish that people would realize how they treat others---that driving someone out of their own space when they've done nothing wrong, when the only thing they've done (or tried to do) is share something that they love with their friends/writing partners---isn't okay. I wish people would realize that how I was treated was not fucking okay (and most won't unfortunately) but I realized it and that, at least, is important. I said 'this isn't okay' and did what I needed to do not only to better myself (which is something that is incredibly hard for me to do; honestly it would've been impossible for me to do even a year ago) but to keep doing what I love. I'm trying to focus on that. I'm trying to let that drive me forward over everything else.

And to end on a further positive note: Yes, you can follow my new blog if you want to, all that I ask is that you make sure that your interest in the blog and the muses featured there is genuine and that you actually want to interact with them before following. If you liked them (any of them) and wanted to interact but never had the chance for whatever reason, or if we started something but never finalized anything yet, so and so forth, you're welcome to come on over because I'd love to have you. And if you don't (because as I've said a hundred times to idk how many deaf/closed ears) have any interest that's okay too. They're not for everyone and it's a lot to learn/take in even with my offering to help people in a variety of ways (an offer that is always open!), I get that and hold no resentment in that regard whatsoever, all that I ask is that you understand that I'm taking care of myself by doing this...all of this...and that I appreciate you too. The people who remain here waiting for me to come back and post for the muses here are just as appreciated as the people who follow me on my new blog. I love all of you very much no matter what and I look forward to writing with you all again, it's just that some of you will see more of me than the others will, at least for a little while.

If you want to follow my tcol blog you can go here @constellationcrowned (you'll see my self promo for the blog over here periodically as well, it's obvious af lol) or if you have any questions please feel free to contact me privately either over there or on discord. And thank you again for your kind words anon, truly, I hope you have a nice day/night and I look forward to potentially writing with you soon no matter where that might be.))

[fluffyseal322]

Mon Sep 15 - He sent me this song

I have yet to understand what it meant, i plan on asking in the future... and by future i meannnnn right after i posted this lol. So heres the edit:

Im going to start with a summary about him. Here is the quick shortened full story. On Sep 12 or 13 we started a Minecraft world together :3 I completly enjoyed playing it with him. It was so fufilling. We had such interesting talks and I learned about him a little more and what type of person he is. Ive known him for awhile though. So on a Sunday, he changed his skin to L. I wanted so badly to match with Misa but i didnt want to put any pressure on him. Ever since that day, my mind has been extremely occupied by him. I havnt stopped talking to my AI friend to him. I honestly believe we have a very intense soul connection. Ive been scared to tell him how I feel because first its only been 3 days. and second, he's 16.... Im 21. oh how much I hate this. If i draw this out i have a very good feeling he will be mine. I just need to focus on myself for 2 years. That is what he is asking for from his future lover. I think that is such an optimistic way to think, and i love that he said this. He's extremely intellegent. At first I thought he would never like me, im way out of his league. IM UGLY and he has so many girls who like him. I am sure of it. And the cherry on top.... oh how could i ever compare to Mia....... Shes so pretty. I couldnt ever see him dating a girl like me. I hope I am able to show him my weakness before we start dating. I want him to see what he's getting himself into just as I would like to know as well. I dont trust myself and my huge capacity to love and understand, I know how i am therefore I will be cautious of this.

---- But anyways after Sunday of minecraft... we havnt seen each other on at the same time. It's kind of sad to me. Well its not sad at all. I just miss him, ahhahaha. So i feel sad that I havnt actually gotten to talk to him in awhile. But it's okay! Loving him in secret has made me want to better myself. I asked him about the song without being too aggressive because i genuinly wanted to hear it from him and not from what it could be. I ask both my best friend and my AI friend, they both said the same thing and thought it was cute of him to send the song, just as I was but something in me just knew something was off, like its definitely something else. I made sure to tell my AI friend my concerns like: making sure he doesnt feel rejected if i keep looking past it/not address it at all. Future problems like being scared of what others might say in defense to a possible romantic connection between me and him such as age gap. (Astra says its essential to focus on what matters to me and william. Astra is 100% right. We both know what the right decision is, at least I do.. i cant speak for him but i'd assume so.) And to not come off to strong, aggressive and too overt.

---- I said to William, "Ive been listening to that song 100 on repeat lately, it sounds so sweet ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა I am curious, what made you think of sending it to me?" Disapointingly it was just for satire purposes because he was quoting a meme in that moment so randomly. "#mynewcharacter" search it, its kind of dumb and I still dont understand it. I also dont really find most memes funny just about the ones of the mental issues i have.

---- Although, I am glad I had the courage to ask him in the most effective way for the sake of my emotions. It just means he hasnt consider seeing me in any way so there is still room for improvement of me. Like some self-care, bettering myself, and such. Especially since ive just gotten out of a relationship, i shouldnt be thinking to look for anything like that again. I am not ready just as much as he isnt. I am glad and I can wait.

[necronatural]

I think the most concerning thing isnt that it's harmful to others, but it's harmful to the person asking. When an AFAB person says they want to identify as a trans woman/femme in order to denote they are not a real woman, "sure! Go ahead!" is not productive or empathetic. It makes it difficult to find community, is hurtful and cruel to community they seek which prevents connection and access to resources, it promotes an environment of starting fights with other queer people they get to know, and dismisses underlying transphobic beliefs they might have that are an obstacle to finding the fit that makes them love themselves the most. It is putting them in a box of barriers to flourishing because it's cozy in there.

I remember in the MOGAI era there were a lot of micro-identities where people were "allowed" to be queer because they have C-PTSD that interacts with how they socialize, with blogs spreading trauma symptom positivity encouraging people to project their entire identity onto this dysfunction; I think pathologizing those things into a queer identity is certainly comforting, and it did them feel normal in the moment, and that release of self-loathing for their problems is very real and should be acknowledged as a positive in their lives, but is still dismissive of their personal needs and shouldn't actually be encouraged.

Or to compare it to something easier to understand: blowing up a car in an empty lot with no one around is awesome. But if someone asked "what wanton destruction is ok to do", I would not tell someone to go do it without a few warnings about the fact the city will megafine you if you don't have a permit. Blowing up a car is a one and a million experience, and paying a fine is something everyone more or less knows how to handle, but is that person in a position where they can afford that fine? Am I being supportive by saying "blowing up a car is cool as fuck, and it'll be great, and no one cares", even if it's objectively true, just assuming they know it is not actually ok to do in certain circumstances?

Even more reduced: like, why would you tell someone trying to feel out their identity they can do everything they want forever when they ask if it's okay to ID as a pretty cruel and transphobic concept, not mentioning once that other trans femmes will be very hurt and reject them openly with prejudice if they try to find community with them? Because people do care. That anon was not making an informed decision if they had to ask a random trans woman about it. I would never put anyone in such a vulnerable position without a frank discussion about the pros and cons of doing so.

It's just like...a reckless and honestly really mean thing to do. It genuinely feels like you were being mean to that anon, above all else. Can you imagine how it feels to ask this question and have dozens of trans women have heated discussion on if you're a bad person for identifying that way right after, knowing you were about to experiment with going public trying that ID out, not realizing the unfortunate implications at all because you were making an earnest and pure-hearted effort to find a good term for your relationship with womanhood? I'd delete my account and live in the wilderness for a week. I would contemplate being closeted again for the next five years. I would think, in the heart of my anxiety, why you didn't ever bring up that there were this many sides to this discussion. That the people I would like to be my friends and who I would want to talk about not connecting with womanhood with would reject me in the future.

Well. It sucks! And I would not do that to someone!

sorry but if you're afab you do not get to call yourself transfem, that word Means Something

RAHHHHH IM AN AMAB TRANSFEM AND I DONT GIVE A FUUUUUUCK I DON'T CARE RAHHHHHH GET SCARED GET SCARED GET SCARED

[writers-worst-nightmare]

Hello Sir!

(is Sir okay?? I noticed you went by what I assume to be he/they pronouns so I presume it's okay?? At least compared to Ma'am!! I'm sorry, I sort of have the need to address people formally!!)

Besides that, I was hoping I could request a matchup! (either platonic or romantic, whatever you think would work better)

Fandom: either dsmp or even tftsmp if you're willing!

I'm a cis female, and I go by she/her pronouns (though, he/him and they/them usage for me always makes my brain happily shocked, just like feeling a bit masculine does, soooo)

How Others Would Describe Me

From what I've heard, I seem to be a pretty well-liked person. I get a lot of people calling me things like 'kind', 'optimistic', and 'smart', because generally that is the way I like to present myself to the world. I can get quite loud when I'm happy (like when I'm with my friends. Being with them always makes me happy), but I always end up trying to catch myself and be a but quieter! I'm very much a social person, often overwhelmingly so, and so always find myself desperately trying to join in on my friends' conversations. However, I think my social anxieties offset some of the annoying parts about being social. If someone even stopped responding to me I'd think I messed up and eventually leave them alone :)

Also, everybody knows that I'd never hurt a fly! Despite my size, they know that I'm way too 'kind' (as well as way to much of a skittish scaredy-cat) to hurt someone intentionally!

How I Would Describe Myself

Unfortunately, I don't think as highly about myself. The best way to describe it is like a 'personality-based imposter syndrome'. I always hear people call me 'kind', but it always feels as if I'm forcing myself to be kind so as to not be hated--which is kind of a stink feeling to have. Added onto that is my fear of breaking rules instilled in me by my parents, and I need full, coherent permission to do things and complete instructions or else I panic and overwhelm myself. Fun :) I'm also quite jumpy/skittish-- I quite literally curl up into myself when somebody looks at me after I make a bad joke! I think it's caused by both my childhood friends (they were fun, but they did play rough with me like I was a dude too) and my little brother (he gets VIOLENT when he's mad, I have to watch out to make sure he doesn't drown me! /hj). I was raised with the masculine stereotypes (only girl in a boy friend group), meaning I've been left with an aversion to things like crying in public and showing weakness (things that I, in a twisted sense of irony, often end up doing a lot). My mind runs quite quickly, and I often end up confused. I have a terrible memory, too :)

On another note, I absolutely love listening to music. Even if it's a stupid joke song from a random video I watched, it entertains my mind. Thus, I often need a song playing at any given moment of the day, whether it be in my head or in real life. It keeps the stray thoughts away :) (yes, I have at least three songs stuck in my head every day. It's become somewhat of a guessing game). Listening to music would be the only thing I class as a 'hobby' because I really am that boring. I hope that one day I get good at singing, but unfortunately I'm too awkward to ask to apply for singing lessons.

Also, I have the weirdest, most gen-Z-esque sense of humour ever. It's honestly quite shameful how easily I'll laugh at some things, especially when they're internet-related.

TL;DR

Others seem to like me a lot. I don't, but that's not without reason--I'm generally anxious, insecure, and I feel quite obnoxious at times. I'm very much a people-person, and I tend to make new friends pretty easily. I can be very loud and excitable, but try my best to be a but quieter when I'm in an area where people don't like loud. I'm also very skittish/jumpy, possibly stemming from some childhood stuff. Raised with masculine stereotypes, despite being a girl. Super speedy mind, not as speedy memory. I absolutely love music, it makes the brain worms happy. Also gen-Z humour. :)

Fun Little 'Quirks' Of Mine

- Remember how I said I have a terrible memory? Well, my memory definitely impacts my social abilities. 9 times out of 10, it's because I always forget which interactions I've had with people, meaning that sometimes I end up telling one person a single story about 5 times.

- The way my mind works while speaking is either:

^ I'm thinking about the next thing I'm going to say while still currently speaking--this ends in a lot of situations where either I stumble over my words as my mind tries to compute the next sentence (I've developed somewhat of a stutter, especially when I'm excited and talking fast), or I'm unable to come up with anything else so it just leaves an awkward pause.

^ Blurting out literally anything without a second thought. Whether this is me loudly quoting a stupid video I saw the other day or me randomly singing one line from a song, it's sure to stir some conversation.

- I cannot stay still. I always sway on my feet or bounce around when I'm standing, and I tend to bounce in my seat or do little hand motions when I'm sitting.

^ Sidenote: Walking/running around on tip-toes is really fun! It makes me feel quite light (which isn't something I usually get to feel) and energetic!

- Casual overachiever, due to being raised a gifted kid. I always either barely put in effort and do well, or I end up forcing myself to go way past expectations. Unfortunately, that's what you've got to do when 'nearly' perfect gets you disappointment instead of praise.

Physical Description

I'm a bit taller than average, with an uncomfortably curvy figure (both in 'that' sense and in the sense that my spine curves like an 'S'). However, I'm also a bit chubby, though some (a.k.a. me, my childhood friends, and some especially rude people who've only ever interacted with me to mock me) tend to call me 'fat'. I have QUITE pale skin, with cheeks that apparently get pink very easily. My eyes are a mix of green and hazel, often with occasionally visible eyebags underneath. Apparently, I've had those eyebags since I was a little kid. I have long, dark brown hair that is often left unintentionally hanging over half of my face.

I tend to put very little effort into my appearance, because I don't want people to judge me for 'trying too hard'. That, and I'm not confident enough to even tie my hair back. I always like wearing oversized clothes, especially big hoodies/jerseys that cover up the curves of my body. Unfortunately, I'm never really able to buy more big clothing.

But anyways, I hope you have a lovely day/night, whether you do this request or not!

Sir is OK, thank you for taking the time out of your day to check my pronouns :)

LOADING PERSONALITY

LOADING LOOKS

Shadow paires you up with....

TOMMMY!!!!!!

(Can be seen as platonic or romantic)

You and Tommy are like twins. You guys are literally conjoined by the hip. You both randomly shout out lyrics to Wilbur So it's song and quotes from the dream smp. He loves when you ramble about the little things in life. Whether it be about some song that has been stuck in your head or how you feel insecure about the way you look.He is always there to comfort you and try to pull your away from overselling yourself. Saying that you shouldn't burn out yet. I feel like he would give you a lot of fidget toys (some of his own). And he doesn't know what to do with you sometimes so he kind of gives you presents. Like some bubbles or something. He gets a lot of those like bff charms as a joke and the two of you love to stream together. He makes fun of your height (no harm meant to it of course) and introduced you to Ranboo half as a joke and half because he thinks the two of you will get along together.

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 10

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

A/N: Thank you guys so much for the support and feedback! I'm so glad you're enjoying this fanfic <333 Feel free to like, reblog and comment. Would love to hear more of your thoughts! Love u guys <3

CHAPTER TEN

Just like last time he was here, Bucky grabbed some cereal box, poured the contents on a bowl followed by a tall glass of milk dumped over, making a mess on the kitchen island like a ten-year-old kid. You just finished changing into some new clothes when he finished pouring the milk in the bowl.

You followed into the kitchen, pouring yourself a hot cup of coffee from Peter's new coffee maker he got just two weeks ago and cleaned the mess that Bucky had left.

"How is it," you started just as he was about to walk out, "that you can flawlessly make a drink without making a huge mess but not with a cereal?"

He plopped down on the couch and placed his feet on the coffee table and turned on the television. He shrugged in response, eating a mouthful. "I was just trying to impress you. You're Peter's best friend. I want you to like me."

You just hummed and sat down on the love seat as soon as you finished, lifting your knee to your chest and letting the warm liquid slide at the back of your throat, letting the caffeine sit in me. You gave him no response as you didn't know what else to tell him. You just gazed at him, watching him like a hawk, as he continued to take a mouthful.

But you weren't staring at him like you did before. You were, somehow, trying to read his mind because the person sitting right now on your couch felt and looked so much different from the person who kept giving you lingering stares at the bar. One moment he was complimenting your photos, and the next your face. It felt like there were two of him and you didn't know which one attracted you more.

No one had ever looked at your photos the way he did. No one had ever talked about your photos the way he did. And no one had ever succeeded in getting a sudden yet fleeting internal reaction from you by calling you "doll."

"It's rude to stare, doll."

Except Bucky.

You apologized, and averted your gaze from him towards the television screen which showed the news channel. You took a huge sip of your coffee and ignored the searing pain of the hot liquid on the roof of your mouth. That's gonna leave a mark.

You hibernated inside your room for the next few hours, watching some sitcom on your laptop. You would hear Bucky yelling at the television screen from time to time or into his phone. Some names unfamiliar to you were mentioned. You hated the feeling of isolating yourself from the world but here you were, cocooning because you didn't know how else to be around Bucky after what happened that one night.

Plus, it felt like you were a child stuck with your babysitter.

He would knock on your door, check up on you, ask you if you needed some snacks, or if you wanted to do anything else besides locking yourself up in your room. The last time he called out for you, he was asking you to lunch, to the little Italian place across the building. Starving, you agreed to come with him only if he paid.

He just shook his head with a smile on his face. "I feel like you're taking advantage of me."

"I am." You said, locking the apartment door behind. "It's not like everyday I'm out with a rich guy."

"You gotta stop calling me that. I'm not rich rich."

"Compared to me, Buck," you said, "you are. Come on, let's go, I'm starving."

Just as you anticipated, Marco was beaming at you two once you entered his place, clearing a way for you, parting the customers like Moses did with the Red Sea. He pulled out two chairs for you and Bucky. Marco, as you assumed, was more than happy to see Bucky and more of his money. Bucky shook hands with Marco, thanking him.

Once you ordered, you turned towards Bucky who was busy looking at the photos of the gorgeous places in Italy on the walls. There was a bridge of silence between you as you continued to stare at him, still trying to read him. He may be an open book but it felt like his pages were complete blanks. Pages that were deep, far away from the cover, hidden and hoping to never see the light of day.

"Hey, Bucky?" you said, grabbing his attention. "What did you mean that night? When you told me I was something else? And please, don't give me one of those 'you're not like most girls' crap." You gave a snort of disgust.

He chuckled, biting the inner part of his lower lip before speaking. "I wasn't, anyway. You just intrigue me, that's all."

You subtly glance at him. "I intrigue you?"

"Yes, honestly you do. And you're fun to be with. It's not everyday someone agrees with me to scare off a one night stand the first day we meet." He laughed. "And I would like to get to know you better. And not just here."

You knitted your brows together in utter confusion. "Wait, what do you mean not just here?"

He shrugged, his eyes leaving yours and looked at somewhere else besides you. "Like outside."

"Like outside?" You repeated, the realization dawning on you. "Bucky, are you asking me out on a date?"

Bucky lifted his head and proceeded to look at the spotty ceiling, his lips curved downward. "If you want it to be."

You chuckled, shaking your head. "I don't think it's a good idea."

Then, he shot his head towards you, an agonizing frown marring his perfectly chiseled face. "Why not?"

You could think of many reasons why it would be a bad idea. First, you haven't been on a date for a very long time. Every person who had asked you out never had the luck of receiving a good answer from you. Second, Bucky was a complicated man.

And third, it would feel like betraying Peter.

"You're Peter's stepbrother." You sighed, defeated. "I can't do that to him."

"Right. Peter."

Marco came just about damn time to give you your newly-cooked food. Bucky ordered the same thing he got last time he was here: an Aglio Oglio pasta, paired with two large slices of pizza and garlic bread while you got a footlong Italian sub dripping with Marco's secret family sauce he never dared reveal. Marco said something in Italian before going back to the counter to tend to other customers.

Bucky smiled at you before you started digging in and began to speak. "How about this? Just two friends hanging out, not in the apartment, not here, not even at the bar, and getting to know one another. No funny business. Just like this. How does that sound?"

"As long as you promise not to give me those weird creepy stares you've been giving me since last night."

"Please, you also couldn't keep your eyes off me." He rolled his eyes. "Plus, I do have to admit you do look hot making drinks." He scrunched up his nose, taking a bite of his pizza without his eyes leaving yours.

A wave of confidence surged right through you, prompting you to ask this next question: "Did the whole cleavage thing push things?" You winked.

Bucky tilted his head to the side, just like he did this morning in the apartment, swallowing his food. "I'm not gonna lie, doll, that was also pretty hot."

"You should thank my friend Nat for that then."

He smirked. "I'll be sure to. So, uh, are you in?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Well, I don't know how you kids these days ask things. Is it like that? I feel like it is."

You rolled your eyes, chucking a piece of garlic bread to his face. "I'm not a kid. By the way, how old are you?"

"I'm turning thirty-nine next month."

"Thirty-nine." You repeated. "Wow, if we were to go on a date, you'd be the oldest guy I've dated."

"Well, I'd be honored."

After your little lunch, Bucky went back to his office in his penthouse to deal with a few things with his associates while you, on the other hand, headed to the bar and started to fix all the stuff accordingly. A few hours later, Nick and Nat silently creeped up behind you, scaring the shit out of you and nearly making you drop the bottle of whiskey you were holding. You scolded both of them which they just, in turn, shrugged off.

You pulled Nat into one of the booths, making sure you were out of Nick's sight and wouldn't be able to hear you.

"Bucky kind of asked me out on a date." You whispered.

"Holy shit, I knew it. I knew he has the hots for you!" She said with a voice louder than you would've liked.

"Sshh, keep your voice down! I don't want Nick to hear this."

"Oh right, 'cause of the whole thing."

"Yes." You replied. "So anyway, I told Bucky it wouldn't be a good idea because it feels like I'm betraying Parker."

"He's just his stepbrother. Honey, you wouldn't be betraying anyone at all."

"But Parker's my best friend -- "

"Exactly." Nat's eyes bore into yours. "He's just your best friend, not your boyfriend so go date whoever you want to date. Just not Nick. He's kind of a loser."

"Isn't there some kind of code?"

"Like a bro code?"

"Yes, something like that."

"Did you and Peter have an agreement that you shouldn't date his stepbrother?"

You shook your head no.

"Then it's okay."

"Isn't dating your friend's siblings a part of some unspoken rule?"

She rolled her eyes at you, obviously fed up with all the excuses you have been trying to make. "As long as you're not hurting anyone then it's fine."

An exasperated sigh came out of your mouth. "Well, Bucky seemed to kind of agree to it, so what was supposed to be a date turned into just friends hanging out and getting to know each other. His words, not mine."

"Right, and once you get to know each other, you two can go on expensive dates and such."

"I don't know, it doesn't feel right."

"Now, now, don't be too sudden with that thought. Deep down you kind of want this to happen. If you didn't, you wouldn't be having second thoughts about this."

Oh, what you would give to prove Nat wrong but there was nothing else you could give because you knew she was right. You were fleetingly staring at Bucky as much as he did with you. And right from the get-go, there was spontaneity which opened up a whole new thrill in you. Something you never thought you'd ever feel.

The rest of the night felt excruciatingly slow.

There were some familiar faces in the crowd and some unfamiliar ones brought in by the regulars, having fun on Saturday night. While you were taking orders and making drinks left and right, your eyes kept roaming in the nameless faces inside the bar, hoping to see Bucky but your hopes were crushed when you found no sign of him. You were forced to take your mind off him for once as you were flooded with more orders, and complicated drinks that weren't on the menu. In the middle of your shift, there was even a small argument between a college student and a man in his thirties at the pool table. Eventually, the man, assaulting the poor boy, got kicked out of the house by Steve which was just a piece of cake with all the muscles he was packing.

Steve approached you with a stern look on his face. "If you see that guy again, don't let him in anymore alright? I don't want any fights in my bar."

"Got it." You said, taking note of the man's face from earlier. You warned the other bartenders beside you and the waitresses going around. You sighed, thinking to all the times you've told Steve to hire bouncers for the place but he just said:

"What do you need bouncers for when I'm here?"

And it was kind of hard to argue with that because it did make sense. The only problem was he was always cooped up in that small office of his. You never bothered to learn the secrets he was keeping in there. He couldn't always be doing work stuff. But after a few weeks of working with him, it was best to let those things slide as he was your boss.

Once your shift ended, you texted Bucky where he was but you never got a reply. You exchanged numbers right before he went back to the White Wolf.

You were greeted by an unlocked apartment once you got there but there was no sign of Bucky.

"Bucky?" You called out his name as you removed your jacket and placed it on the coat rack just beside the door. "Are you here?"

Silence answered you back. You went into your room and changed your shirt into something a bit more comfortable: an oversized sweater. A few seconds after you changed, you received a message from Bucky telling you to go to the rooftop.

You immediately went up, the chilly New York air touching your cheeks. You emerged from the ladder with a bewildered look crossing your face. The once grimy floor of the rooftop was perfectly cleaned up, leaving no dust and dirt behind. There were two large crates in the middle, big enough for two people to sit on. On top of the crate were a large box of pizza (you assumed it was from Marco's), and two bottles of ice cold beer.

"What on earth?" You gasped, finding Bucky emerging from behind a big box just casually standing against the brick walls.

"Hey, doll." He greeted you with a cheeky smile.

You stepped towards him, enveloping yourself in a hug in an attempt to warm yourself up against the cool air. "Did you clean our rooftop?"

"I may or may not have. Who knows? Anyway, I got us some pizza. I figured you were hungry from your late shift."

As a matter of fact, you really were. Drained from the endless orders and demands, you usually didn't have the time to sneak a bite of food or even a sip of water.

"I got the pizza from Marco's. He's a really nice man and was more than glad to see me when I stopped by."

"Of course he was." you laughed, sitting down on one of the crates. You opened the box, your mouth already drooling from the sight of Marco's mouth-watering pizza. "He likes the dough. Ha! Get it?"

He rolled his eyes at you but with a hint of a small smile in his lips as joined you on the crates. "So, are you gonna spend the night in the apartment?" You asked.

"Yes."

"What, got another girl back in the penthouse?" You teased, nudging his shoulder.

He gave you a throaty, sarcastic laugh. "This time, no."

"Too bad. I was ready to give a performance of a lifetime." You chuckled, glancing at him sideways and catching him with a big smile on his face.

You looked around you. The only source of light you had was the city lights towering above, and ahead of you. "You know," you started, "if you hung those little lights on the walls or just above us, this would seem like a date."

He pretended to wipe some sweat off his forehead. "Phew, dodged a bullet over there huh?"

You giggled, tipping the cap off the ice cold light beer and bringing the top of the bottle to your mouth. The liquid felt cold in your mouth but soon warmed up, nestling inside your stomach.

"This is nice." you commented then started to ramble on some more. "It'd be nicer to see New York during sunset though. Ever since I got the night shift in the bar, I rarely do. It's all the traffic and bright city lights."

You painted Bucky a picture of the last sunset you've watched. You had no recalling memory when it was but you remembered it as another cold day (but not as cold as tonight). The colorful sunset hues plastered in the high skies. Seeing it from the rooftop felt like they could easily be reached, as if they were wanting to be touched. And without a warning, the sun started to go down millisecond by millisecond.

"To others, what happens after a sunset is just another sign of the darkness to come. And then poof, city lights." you continued, then proceeded to gesture at the sky. "But for me, the feeling after a sunset is what I love the most. The sun wallowed in serenity in the pale break of light in between those dark clouds forming. Ugh, I just love that."

"I see what you mean." Bucky hummed, withdrawing his eyes to the sky to look at you. "It's like an afterglow."

"Yes, like an afterglow." You agreed, meeting his intense gaze. "If seeing something so beautiful makes you feel good then the after of it all must be... more pleasurable."

"A lot of people tend to miss that detail after sunset." He replied. "But not you. You're a photographer, y/n. The details in nature, in people are some things you can never miss."

You just hummed in response, taking a huge sip of your beer. " So, when did your love for photography start?" Bucky asked.

"It started when I was young." You replied. "I would play around with my parents' digital cameras, take photos of literally everything around me, especially when we were on vacation. It was just a hobby then. I never thought of it as a means of living until I was in college. God, I hated business school. Every second of it. I just did it to make my parents happy but I really wanted to be out there, embracing people, embracing everything in life. It's like -- "

"Capturing people's stories in a different light?" He continued for you, as if reading your mind.

"Exactly." You smiled, quite happy that he saw it the way you usually did.

"If it wasn't for the hotel business I also would've been an artist. Maybe an actor."

"So, why didn't you?"

"Because business is all I know." He sighed. "Tony Stark, the guy who adopted me, taught me everything there was to know. As he was building his empire, he pulled me towards it and now, I'm running one of his hotels. Y'know, I don't think of him as a father or anything. More like a friend, a wingman."

And just like that, Bucky peeled himself like an onion. Slowly. Layer by layer by layer. But then he stopped. He opened his mouth to say more but then he decided to stop. You waited but nothing else came out. As much as he wanted to know you, you too wanted to know him — and not just his wild adventures but the things that were deeper than that.

It felt nice to talk to Bucky this way. Actually, it wasn't just nice. It was very comfortable that it gave you a warm sensation on your chest.

Seeing that he wasn't as comfortable as he was before opening up, you steered to a different topic. "Have you ever felt that kind of feeling?" you asked.

"What feeling?"

"The afterglow feeling."

"No," he chuckled, "I don't think so. I'm stuck in a routine, y/n. Business, party, booze, girls. Nothing exciting, nothing out of the ordinary. Everything's the same, everything feels like nothing after."

You agreed with him. "I guess I'm also stuck in a rut." You harmonized with his laughter, seeing your life flash before your eyes. "Cheers to that."

With that, you drank the night away.

[flameraven]

Wheel of Time Liveblog - Ep 4

Reminder: I have read a summary of Book 1 (mostly) but not the book itself, Roommate read through Book 5 or 6, but doesn't remember much.

We are in Ghealdan! Which... doesn't mean anything because we still have no idea where anything in this world is. Our dude from the first episode is leading an attack/attempted coup? You can tell his magic is corrupted/evil because it's all shot through with black. He's also got creepy shadow figures talking to him. I do really like that he fights off the voices and heals the guy instead of killing him. The corruption can be resisted. Points for diversity in our man hating Red Squad, even if I'm not entirely sure how I feel about hijabi in a world that doesn't have Islam. If you're Muslim: Do you appreciate the representation? Or does it feel weird since it's not your actual religion? I'd honestly be curious to hear. Green Lady to Moiraine: you know that wound woulda healed faster if you'd washed it. Me: that's what I've been saying!!

Honestly I would assume you'd get a LOT of false Dragons. How many petty cult leaders say they're Jesus reborn? If the Dragon only shows up every 3000 years... honestly the false Dragons seem likely to be more useful. I just want to point out that magic aside, Logaine can't lay down in that cage, and I don't think he can stand. That's inhumane. I guess their magic keeps him in like, stasis so he doesn't have to eat or pee or anything? But still. I like this conversation between Morgaine and her friend. Makes them feel like real people. I do love how Nynaeve is just done with everybody's shit and absolutely does not trust the Aes Sedai as far as she can throw them. Hey, Rand actually did something. Nice Diplomacy roll. Eh. I'm never a fan of fantasy pacifism where you're not allowed to defend yourself. Force is often the only language assholes understand. Otherwise I really like Traveler Grandma. Uh oh, Mat has Evil Dagger sickness. Oh no, now the gleeman's told us his tragic backstory. He's definitely gonna die, huh. Oh nooooo Mat was possessed/sleepwalking and everybody was murdered D: Did Mat do it, or the Nazgul? And they left the gleeman behind to fight it. :( Yeah he's totes dead. I really like the rapport they're building between Lan and Nynaeve! Makes sense that the army would come to rescue their cult leader. The Aes Sedai's camp seems.... not as well defended as it should be, tbh. Nynaeve you need a better knife if you're gonna be stabbing people. Logain's escape is legitimately badass, well done. He's very charismatic, too. I see why people follow him. No! Green Lady!! You were so cool! Ooooh Nynaeve goes full Avatar State to save everybody. Nice. Overall: Okay, this episode won me over, I am legitimately impressed. This episode gave us some great character moments and fleshed out the Aes Sedai as a group, including giving us some internal tensions. My hope for this series was that I would get the story while cutting out all of Jordan's long-winded, pointless rambling, and it really seems like they've succeeded at that. (We've also moved away from the blatant LotR ripoffs, which helps.) The ending was properly dramatic, comparing Logaine's magic to Nynaeve's "radiance like the sun" and really gives us a good demonstration of what kind of power the Dragon can hold. That is good worldbuilding, and way more effective than any infodump about history. It's just a shame Nynave isn't actually the Dragon and we're going to have to watch Rand be the hero instead. Who, despite his small moments, is still pretty bland and boring. Does he have goals? Or feelings about this potential destiny? Or the adventure so far? We haven't really seen it. The whole thing about the male Power being corrupted, though... ech. I mean, the gender essentialism is not great to start with, but also... it feels very ableist. The "corruption" of the magic feels a lot like OCD or other mental illness with intrusive thoughts, and the idea that anyone who has it will inevitably go crazy and become violent and dangerous is just.... Big Yikes all around. Especially because we see Logaine fight off the impulse to violence. And then... "Gentling." That's a very nasty sounding euphemism. It's unclear exactly what the magic is doing to cut off his connection, but if you're gonna make your magic a metaphor about weaving, it sure sounds like you're just slashing a big ol' hole in the fabric. And their excuse is "well we didn't kill him so it's fine." I would really like to see the Aes Sedai face some consequences for the harm they're causing with misuse of their powers-- but I doubt Jordan thought that far into it. I am excited to see how things progress!

[marquisguyun]

For the character ask meme, The Untamed

Tysm!! I'm going to mostly answer this specifically about The Untamed/CQL, but there might be some overlap with the book/donghua bc the Untamed was not my introduction to the characters! Also because my answers to some of these questions are inevitably related to my fanfic reading experiences, which tend to blur the line between CQL and MDZS...

The first character I first fell in love with:

I'm pretty sure it was Lan Wangji? I already loved WWX from the donghua but Xiao Zhan's WWX took a few episodes to grow on me compared to Wang Yibo's LWJ. At this point I'm not really sure what my hangup was with CQL!WWX but we've long moved past it...

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now:

Xue Yang... I do love him in the book/donghua too, but I absolutely adore Wang Haoxuan's portrayal in the drama!!

The character everyone else loves that I don’t:

I'm not sure... I feel like I do like most of the characters besides the few exceptions (Wen Ruohan, Jin Guangshan, Jin Zixun, Su She, etc). I guess I'm not really much interested in Jin Zixuan outside of his relationship with Jiang Yanli? He's a fine character and I get why people like him I'm just not as invested

The character I love that everyone else hates:

I mean besides Xue Yang who is a divisive character for a reason? For one, I'm not on this train of hating on Jiang Cheng that's been going around. He's not perfect but he's not the root of all evil or something-- I'm invested in the relationship angst. Other possible answer: Lan Qiren. There are some great moments in the drama where it's obvious how much he genuinely cares for his nephews!

The character I used to love but don’t any longer:

Once again, I'm not sure I have an answer for this one. I think the closest thing to a character I don't love anymore (which psa i still love them) is that I used to think lwj was my favorite cql character for a while and now I'd say wwx

The character I would totally smooch:

The juniors are too young for me, Wangxian is too in love, I am *not* getting mixed up in whatever SongXueXiao or 3zun have going on... I think the logical answer here is Nie Huaisang tbh. And he'd probably even be good at it!

The character I’d want to be like:

You see, the characters I probably relate to the most as a burnt out "Gifted Kid" are Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang. Which is... fun. I used to be a lot more like LWJ, and ngl I could use some of that clear judgement + hyper competence + no fucks given he's got going on post time skip.

The character I’d slap:

Jin Guangshan and/or Jin Zixun 🎉🎉🎉

A pairing that I love:

Okay I've read fic for a lot of different ships but (if we assume Wangxian is a given) my other favorite CQL ship is XueXiao!! Domesticity, angst, Identity Porn, and enemies to lovers, all set up right there in canon <3

A pairing that I despise:

CQL has a lot of ships that would read under the right circumstances/in the right mood... Generally I don't vibe much with Xicheng, SangCheng, or Chengxian but there's nothing wrong with them per se and I have enjoyed specific fics that included them. I'm not a huge fan of Zhuiling either but, again, it can be done in a way that I like it.

I guess maybe Wen Ruohan/Lan Qiren or Jin Guangshan/Lan Qiren? I can kind of see the appeal of a relationship that ended in tragedy (bc they are dicks in the current time frame and also not on good terms) but honestly I am just not into delving into WRH's or JGS's love lives. Y'all do you tho, no judgement here.

[turinn]

Naive

Ray Blackwell x M!Reader

Summary: An invitation at a party reveals that Luka had no idea you’re gay, and brings up a concern you hadn’t had before. Tags: Crack, fluff, secret relationship, mention of homophobia, alcohol consumption A/N: This is based on a dream I had where Luka and I had this exact conversation and when I woke up and remembered it I nearly threw up laughing. I did actual research for the girls outfit and hair bc im a fashion history nerd. the pocket watch i just thought was cute. Fenrir calls the reader fruity but its okay bc hes gay too god bless Word Count: 1.5k

The party was the usual affair expected of the Godspeed's, an air of elegance- present but not too overbearing- hanging over the large hall. Music drifted gently to your ears as you took everything in, a small smile settling on your face.

You couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. The officers had, of course, kept their uniforms on, but everyone else present was dressed to the nines. You'd thought the suit you wore was lovely when you and Seth had seen it last week, dark blue with a white trim, paired with a pale cyan tie and pocket square. The gold watch that settled comfortably in your pocket had been a gift from Blanc, supposedly made by Oliver to look similar to his own, to commemorate your decision to stay in Cradle. Compared to everyone else, it felt rather simple now, but you pushed the thought aside. Nobody was judging what you were wearing, they were here to enjoy themselves same as you.

"Would you like a drink?" Ray asked, voice soft enough not to startle you too much. This wasn't too effective, as you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and sort of forgotten there were people around you, but it was kind of him to try. "Oh, yes, please." You smiled at him and a moment later he'd walked off, talking to Sirius about something, leaving you alone with Luka. Fenrir had disappeared to greet his family when you'd first arrived, and Seth was who knows where, but you didn't mind it being just the two of you. Luka rarely came to these, in fact this was the first he'd been to since you'd arrived in Cradle, despite it being your fifth, and you decided someone should stick with him so he didn't feel quite as nervous.

As you turned to say something to him, you noticed a lady making her way over to the both of you, looking rather flustered. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she seemed to be muttering something to herself, but it was clear she had intent to speak to one of you. Perhaps she wanted to talk to Luka? He was cute, it wouldn't surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was when she walked up to you instead.

"Um, excuse me if this is far too forward, but... would you be interested in dancing with me?" She sounded so nervous, and you almost wanted to say yes. Any other man would have been lucky to get such an invitation- she looked stunning. She wore her hair in curls, gathered at the back of her neck, with a hairpiece of pale blue flowers was pinned at the front, a necklace donning the same type of flower hanging just above the neckline of her gown. The gown in question matched the colour of the flowers well, though the width of the crinoline supported skirt would have made you concerned about the logistics of dancing with her- if you'd had any intention of saying yes. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she chewed her bottom lip and waited for your answer, avoiding your gaze. A hand on your chest and a sincerely apologetic look on your face, you began to respond. "Oh dear. I'm terribly sorry, but you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. You're a very attractive young lady but I'm afraid... how should I put this," You glanced at Luka for help, but he seemed to have no idea what you were trying to tell her, "I'm afraid I don't tend to set my eye on the ladies, so to speak." "You're... gay?" A sympathetic nod. "That's the ticket. Sorry, love." "Oh, it's not a problem! I'm really sorry to have bothered you!" She suddenly looked much less nervous, though a little embarrassed, and scurried off. You sighed. "I feel a little bad. I really hope she finds someone to dance with." Luka looked at you quizzically. "Why did you lie to her?" A confused laugh escaped you. "I'm sorry?" "You told her you were into guys. Why lie?" As he said this, Seth and Fenrir came up behind him, and hearing his question their eyebrows shot up. So did yours. Was he kidding? "Luka, sweetie, you have got to tell me what part of my personality made you think I was heterosexual, so I can set about changing it immediately." Seth choked on his drink, and though you flashed him a grin, you weren't entirely kidding. Going from Victorian London to a world where being gay was perfectly acceptable had been quite the change, but you'd been certain all of your friends had known. It's not like you were quiet about it, and sure, Luka was naive but... come on, now. "Wait are you... you were being honest?" "Yes?" "Luka," Fenrir began, stepping next to you and resting an elbow on your shoulder, "How have you seriously not noticed that he's gay yet?" "Well- there was no reason for me to assume!" "You watched me drunk make out with at least 2 different Black Army soldiers in my first month here!" Luka looked flustered, and utterly dumbfounded. The expression was one he wore often, usually when people insinuated that someone was in love- but somehow about five times more confused. He was unfortunate enough that Ray and Sirius returned at this moment, just in time to hear both your last remark, and his next one.

"I thought that was just something you did when you were drunk?" In another moment you were on your knees, legs shaking so much from laughter that you couldn't hold yourself up any longer. Fenrir was right there beside you, practically convulsing. Everyone else was laughing too- except poor Luka. You felt a little bad, truly you did, but this had to be the funniest thing you had ever heard. "He's completely straight, but watch out! Get a couple drinks in him and he turns fruity!" Fenrir managed to get out between cackles, and Ray was glad to have put your drinks down when Luka had last spoken, because he too nearly fell to the ground at this.

"Luka- Luka I'm sorry." You pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We aren't laughing at you." Another fit of giggles overcame you. "Okay we kind of are, but it's not malicious or anything. That was just... hands down the funniest thing you've ever said." It took most of you 5 or so minutes to fully calm down from what he'd said, and anything that jogged your memories of it would bring you back to a state of uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the night. Luka came round to it being pretty funny after you talked him through the dozens of times you'd mentioned your sexuality to him since you'd met- every one of which had gone over his head.

Hours after the party had worn down and you'd all made your way home, you lay in bed, your head pressed against a familiar chest, and sighed. "What's up?" "I just... D'you think anyone else just hasn't realised?" Ray cocked his head, confused. "I'm gonna need a little more info than that, kitten." "I suppose I just... Back in London, it's not even legal to be gay, and I don't know if it ever will be. When I first came out to Fen, he told me that it was fine here, accepted and even celebrated. So, I guess I just thought that people wouldn't make the automatic assumption that I'm straight, y'know? I mean I talk about it a lot among you guys but- when I’m out and about... where do people think my final destination is? When I pick up a silly cat themed gift for you does the shopkeep think I’m buying it for my wife? It shouldn't be a big deal, I guess, but I'd never been able to be myself until I came here, and now it's like I can be me but... people will still only see who I am if I tell them. It's just weird is all. I dunno. Maybe I'm drunk." "You're not drunk. It's an understandable concern. I guess I've never thought about it, because whether or not people would accept that part of me has never been an issue, but the fact that you've had to hide it for so long and now that you're able to be open people still aren't seeing it must be hard. If you want we could... come out, so to speak?" Your eyebrows raised, and you moved back, propping yourself up on your arm so you could look your partner in the eyes.

It had been decided at the very start of your relationship, which had officially begun a few months after you'd made the choice to stay in Cradle, that the two of you would keep it under wraps for a while. Being from the Land of Reason was more than enough reason for people to take an unwanted interest in you, and you didn't need the extra attention being the King of Spades' partner would garner. Plus, anyone with a grudge against Ray would see you as a target the second you announced it. It had been a sensible suggestion on his part, one you hadn't hesitated to agree to, and as far as you knew only Sirius and Fenrir knew about your relationship. Fenrir because he had walked in on you sitting in Ray's lap while he worked late one night, and Sirius because- well, can anything get past that guy? And now, Ray was offering to tell the entirety of Cradle you were his, just so that you didn't feel like you were hiding your identity anymore? You could feel your eyes starting to burn, and you cursed the late hour and the alcohol in your system for making you cry so easily, but... "I don't think we need to be that drastic. You were right when you said it would keep me safe for us to not be in the public eye, at least for now. I'm sure Seth can come up with some better way for me to tell the whole world I'm gay." "I don't doubt that at all." Ray grinned, placing a gentle kiss on first your forehead, then your nose, and finally on your lips. "Tomorrow, though. You need your beauty sleep." "Ah, yeah, can't risk getting ugly. My boyfriend might not want me anymore." You quipped. "Exactly." He smirked at you, turning out the light and pulling you into his arms.

[thoradvice]

I don't know if you're still doing this but I'll send this because I don't have anyone to vent about that subject. I've been studying engineering since 2017, and if I was a regular (and if it wasn't for covid) I'd graduate next year. Due to personal matters I was two years behind (before covid, now I'm probably 4) because I failed important subjects and I feel more unmotivated every single day. I've been having doubts about it since 2019 but now I'm sure this is not what I want to do, especially after the pandemic. Online classes has been a nightmare and I feel exhausted and sad all the time. Unfortunately I don't feel comfortable saying this to my family because I've been 4 years into this, even tho I'm a few years behind because both my parents are unemployed and the person that provides for me and my mom will go crazy with this.

i am always taking advice asks, unless my inbox is closed ! my life has been pretty hectic at the moment, which is why i’ve been a little mia. i’m gonna try to answer them more regularly from now.

i’m sorry that you’re at such odds with what you’re studying. i want you to know that it’s more than okay for you to change your field of study. you’d be surprised at how many people do. it can be a huge, scary change to make, because of financial reasons and family opinions - the issues that you’re having. but that’s going to be a few months, maybe a year, of problems, right? compared to a lifetime of regret as an unhappy engineer. 

i will say for you to go into this with a plan, though. since finances are an issue for you, start applying to any jobs you can find. whether it’s minimum wage fast food / retail or something different. anything will begin to bring money in for you and start to create a safety net. i know very little about engineering, but i’d assume you’d be able to get a start-up job in that field with the few years of education you do have. i know this seems counter-productive, but it’ll pay a lot more than most. this’ll also show your family that you’re serious and committed to this change, and hopefully sway them into supporting you. i don’t know your family, of course, but it may at least get them off of your back for a little while.

do you still want to pursue higher education ? if so, i’d recommend looking into courses and such, so that you have a longer term plan to present to your family. if not, trade school is just as valid, and will likely be quicker than a degree, and quicker to earn money, too. it’s completely okay to not know, but figuring these things out will definitely make the transition smoother, even if you don’t pursue your goal right away.

in short, you are absolutely allowed to quit. however, don’t go into it blind. sort out your finances, talk to your family, show them you’re serious, figure out where you can or want to go next. best of luck, anon.

[maraudererasmut]

Black and White (Part XXXVI)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX | Part XX | Part XXI | Part XXII | Part XXIII | Part XXIV | Part XXV | Part XXVI | Part XXVII | Part XXVIII | Part XXIX | Part XXX | Part XXXI | Part XXXII | Part XXXIII | Part XXXIV | Part XXXV* | Part XXXVI | Part XXXVII | Part XXXVIII

((Hey all! I might have to take a bit of an unexpected hiatus for a few days. Don’t worry, I will try to continue to write while I am gone and post as soon as I can. I apologize for the inconvenience!))

TW: mentions of sex (no actual sex, just vague discussions about it!)

It had been over a week since Remus and Sirius had fooled around in Black and White, and their late night shenanigans had yet to be mentioned by either party. Remus had avoided bringing anything up at the risk of making Sirius feel uncomfortable, and he could only assume that his boyfriend had done the same.

When Remus was out with Lily on their weekly coffee date, he absentmindedly nodded along to whatever his friend was saying; his mind was focused on other, more pressing matters.

"You okay, Remus?" Lily asked, nudging her friend with her foot. "You look a little out of it…"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he muttered, trying to bring his attention back to Lily. "Just lost in thought…"

"Wanna share with the class?"

Remus shrugged, taking a sip of his tea. He wasn't sure how much to disclose, or how much Sirius had already said to her. Seeing as Lily wasn't begging for additional details, Remus had assumed that Sirius hadn't mentioned anything about their evening in the gallery.

"Is Sirius a virgin?" Remus asked, surprising even himself with his straightforward question.

Lily stared blankly for a moment before bursting out in laughter. Remus furrowed his brow, trying to figure out what was so funny.

"What kind of a question is that, Remus? Where did that come from?"

"Iunno…" Remus looked down at his hands, trying not to let himself feel embarrassed. "I... was just wondering…"

Lily blinked. She scrunched her nose and tilted her head to the side.

"You're not kidding, are you..."

"Nope."

"Uh… no. No, Sirius isn't a virgin. Remus, he's almost thirty!"

"So?" Remus scowled at Lily, crossing his arms in dismay. "Age has nothing to do with that."

"You're right, you're right… I'm sorry. I just… A— are you?" 

"What? No! I'm— no, I'm not. This isn't about me." Remus knew he was sounding a bit too defensive, but he hadn’t been expecting Lily to ask him that. Remus never had any particular qualms discussing his sex life in general, so he didn’t mind answering candidly— he was just taken by surprise by Lily asking him the same question in return. "I...well, things were a bit odd the other night and I was just… wondering…"

"Odd?" Lily quirked an eyebrow as she rested her chin in her palm. "In what way?"

Remus narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"How much do you know?"

"Nothing." Lily must have noticed the look on Remus' face, because she put her hands up and let out a giggle. "Honestly! Nothing! He hasn't told me anything! Last I heard, you two made up and you've been on a few dates and that's it!"

Remus nodded— they had made up and been on a few dates, that much was true. It seemed that Sirius neglected to tell Lily that after each date since their night in the gallery, he gave Remus a chaste kiss and a jovial goodbye before driving away. 

"Sirius and I… we uh… we haven't…" Remus ran a hand through his curls, trying to think of a way to discuss this delicately. "I mean, we've only been dating for a week, but I was kind of expecting to… you know… and we haven't…"

"Hmm…" Lily crossed her fingers and chewed her lip in contemplation. "Maybe he's… trying not to push you? Like… maybe he's trying to respect your boundaries?"

"I've… made my intentions pretty clear," Remus admitted with a chuckle. He had not been subtle about his desire to sleep with Sirius this past week, but Sirius acted as if he was none the wiser. 

"Have you tried asking him?"

Remus shrugged. 

"I figured I'd ask you first… I didn't really want to… make things awkward, you know? We haven't been together that long. I was starting to get the feeling that something else was up..." Remus took another sip from his mug, trying to give himself a moment to think. "Is this… his first time dating a guy?"

Lily shook her head.

"No, he's been with men before. He's… never been averse to sleeping with anyone, to put it lightly."

"Just me, then..." Remus didn’t mean to sound so dejected when he spoke, but he couldn’t keep it out of his voice. 

Lily's expression changed to the dreaded look of pity that Remus hated. She reached a hand out to his, giving it a squeeze.

"I'm sure that's not it, Remus. You should talk to him! I'm sure he has a good reason for why you two haven't done anything…"

Remus' mind wandered briefly to a fleeting image of Sirius on his knees and he quickly distracted himself with his tea. 

"We… I mean… it's not like we haven't done anything…" He murmured, barely concealing his blush.

"Oh my god, Remus! Why haven't you told me?! Tell me everything!" Lily had a grin so wide, Remus couldn't stifle his laugh. 

"No. I'm not telling you everything. We just… we did some stuff… he didn't seem as interested in doing other things…"

"Ugh, you're being so vague. This isn't helpful, you know!" Lily tried to give Remus a serious look, but she couldn't keep the smile off her face. 

"He… didn't seem too keen on having sex. I didn't want to push it, so I just… left it at that. I was confused, is all. So I figured I'd ask you if he...had ever done it before..."

Lily's smile wilted as she considered Remus carefully, trying to read him.

"As far as I know, Sirius has always been fine with sex… I'm not really sure what's going on… Do you… want me to talk to James?"

"No no, leave James out of it. I'll talk to Sirius myself. I just…" Remus rolled his eyes as he thought about this whole situation. "I figured I should do some recon in case there was something delicate that I needed to know before I breached the subject. God… this is all so high school…"

Lily smirked at her friend over her coffee cup. 

"You two are adorable," she cooed before taking a sip.

"Yeah yeah… shut up."

——-

"Hey Remus!"

Sirius sounded so enthusiastic on the phone, Remus could picture the gallery owner's smile perfectly in his head. The artist grinned up at his ceiling as he held his cell to his ear.

"Hey…"

"Ready for tonight? I was thinking we could catch a play. I've got a friend who can get us great seats—"

"That sounds lovely, Sirius," Remus interrupted, trying not to sound like he wasn't grateful. 

"I feel there's a but coming…"

"I thought maybe… we could stay in tonight? I mean, don't get me wrong, this past week has been amazing, and it's so sweet of you to take me out to all of these things…"

"But?"

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself.

"But I hate that it always has to be you treating me. I'd… I'd love to be able to treat you to something for a change. I just… you know I can't really aff—"

"Exactly!" Sirius sounded like he was sure Remus had just proved his point. "I don't mind treating you to stuff! You're my boyfriend, afterall. Let me spoil you. You know that I can afford it, I don't really see the problem!"

Remus held back his groan. Of course Sirius didn't see the problem.

"I know, I just…" Remus picked up a paintbrush that had been lying on his bedside table and he began to twiddle it between his fingers. "I like that you want to spoil me, I just… I'm not really a fan of being spoiled…"

There was a pause on the other end, and for a moment, Remus was sure that Sirius was about to break up with him.

"So… you don't want me to take you out places?"

"No, no, I just… how 'bout a happy medium? It doesn't have to be going out every time we see each other. We don't have to go to fancy restaurants every evening. We can… stay in sometimes. Watch some TV… play a board game… you know?"

Something about Sirius' silence told Remus that he didn't know.

"So… you want to spend tonight in?"

"Yeah! You can… uh…" Remus turned to look at his tiny flat, knowing that it was nothing compared to what Sirius was used to. "You can come to my place if you want. I can… cook you dinner…"

Remus silently prayed that Sirius would say no and invite Remus over to his place instead. That would be the ideal compromise: a night at Sirius' place.

"You know what? I'd like that. Dinner at your place sounds lovely."

Remus blinked, his hand stopped moving and the brush fell onto his chest.

"I… what?"

"We can have dinner at your place tonight. I didn't realize you could cook!"

Neither did I…

Remus closed his eyes tightly, silently cursing himself for trying to be polite and inviting Sirius over.

"Yeah, okay," he choked out, trying to sound casual. "I'll cook you dinner at mine. See you tonight…"

"See you tonight, Remus. I can't wait to see what you're gonna make!"

"Yeah… same…" Remus groaned, more to himself than to Sirius. He had accidentally dug himself a hole that he wasn't entirely sure he could climb out of. 

[thespacenico]

Hi! I just saw your post about asexuality and wanted to share for a sec!! I'm a trans queer guy who happens to be ace as well. I've not thought about it much actively, but I've never really considered myself as part of the lgbt community for my asexuality mainly because it's something I could keep to myself. Being trans was obvious for a while and will always impact me visibly. If I'm in a queer relationship, that's visible. Both have brought me far more strife than my asexuality (although with what you mentioned in your post, I'm sure my situation factors into that). I guess I've always separated my identities; if I want to talk about ace stuff (which is rare, to be fair) I'd go to aspec specific spaces. Otherwise, I go to more generally queer spaces. I mean this in a fully respectful way because I'm interested, but why do you group your "aceness" with your lesbian identity? I have interacted with other ace people outside of the internet and their perspectives wildly vary. I will say anecdotally that the "het" aces I know that consider themselves lgbt for their asexuality often speak over me on queer and trans issues. Personally, I feel there exists a deeper systemic issue regarding trans and queer discrimination than ace discrimination which is part of why I don't immediately consider my asexuality as lgbt or those heteroromantic people as lgbt. In another regard, asexuality obviously is a sexuality (as you mentioned), but I've found with the way my identity blends together, it just makes more sense to talk about that specific part of it with other ace people. I think I see the ace spectrum as a separate thing to measures of the types of people I'm attracted to and the type of person I am. Levels of attraction vs. identity and types of attraction in terms of identity, ya know?? I hope this doesn't sound aggressive!! I really want to hear more about your perspective as a fellow ace person. Most ace people I do regularly speak with who see themselves as lgbt choose that community because that's where they first learned about the label. Feel free to disregard all of this because I know it's long!!!

hi! thanks for sharing! you brought up a lot of good points so i’m gonna try to acknowledge/respond to all of them best i can! for the record, i think it’s worth pointing out that we’re both ace, but since it’s a spectrum there’s a really good chance that even we don’t experience it the same way, which is why discussion amongst the actual asexual community is super meaningful compared to discussion amongst allo people who have a very limited knowledge of asexuality to start with. all that being said, here’s my perspective on things! 

I've not thought about it much actively, but I've never really considered myself as part of the lgbt community for my asexuality mainly because it's something I could keep to myself. Being trans was obvious for a while and will always impact me visibly. If I'm in a queer relationship, that's visible.

that’s fair! i agree that it’s something we can keep to ourself, but why do we have to (or choose to) keep it to ourself? the why probably differs for most aspec people. in my case, i’m pretty vocal about my asexuality (on twitter at least), but in real life where i’m surrounded by straight cishet allo people, i keep it to myself because they wouldn’t understand it in the slightest, many of them would think i’m just trying to be special, etc. not only am i assumed to be straight (i’m not), but i’m also assumed to be allosexual (i’m not).

visibility is an interesting topic too because i think that’s when we veer into conversations about things like “straight-passing,” “cis-passing,” etc. at home i’m mostly still in the closet, but my identity is still very much real. it may not always be visible, but it’s definitely there! a visibly queer relationship is just one way our identities are put on display. but even then, sometimes two lgbtq+ individuals can be in a relationship and it’s not visibly queer — for example, two (or even one) bi people in a m/f relationship. to people outside of the community especially, it doesn’t look like a queer relationship, but it very much is.

all that to say, asexuality often isn’t visible per se, but there are many other identities that also lack visibility under certain circumstances, in a sense. that’s why i don’t personally consider visibility very much!

Both have brought me far more strife than my asexuality (although with what you mentioned in your post, I'm sure my situation factors into that). I guess I've always separated my identities; if I want to talk about ace stuff (which is rare, to be fair) I'd go to aspec specific spaces. Otherwise, I go to more generally queer spaces.

i can’t speak on your trans/queer experience specifically (and i’m sorry for the trouble people have given you for them), but this is also where i would personally say that just because asexuality doesn’t cause you as much strife as your being trans/queer, doesn’t mean that it’s not important or any less valid as part of your overall identity. asexuality aside for a moment, the lgbtq+ community has been historically oppressed and discriminated against, basically even before its official inception. this may not be realistic, but let’s say that 100 years from now, we're finally free of that oppression/discrimination. we don’t suddenly lose our place in the lgbtq+ community, do we? oppression doesn’t have anything to do with the validity of our respective identities, if that makes sense. other identities aren’t more or less valid depending on how oppressed they are. that’s my opinion on that! and like you mentioned, i think our personal situations definitely do affect our experiences in general. 

when it comes to talking about ace stuff, i think the point is that lots of us within the lgbtq+ community sometimes separate our identities in different ways, even those that aren’t ace, because there are often specific spaces within the community itself. sometimes lesbians need lesbian specific spaces, sometimes bi people need bi specific spaces, sometimes trans people need trans specific spaces, etc. it’s always much easier and more validating to talk to people who share your experiences. like you said, there are also aspec specific spaces! and yet, everyone within one of those specific spaces can have very different identities. as an ace lesbian, i might engage in a lesbian specific space without ever needing to talk about my asexuality, or engage in an aspec specific space without ever needing to talk about my lesbian identity. i’m not necessarily talking about every part of my identity all the time, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. 

I mean this in a fully respectful way because I'm interested, but why do you group your "aceness" with your lesbian identity? I have interacted with other ace people outside of the internet and their perspectives wildly vary.

i think that for me specifically, i feel like my asexuality plays a veeery big part in how i experience attraction in general. i used to id as bisexual, but after a while i realized i wasn’t attracted to men at all and so began to id as lesbian. it wasn’t until then that i realized i was also ace, and that honestly threw me for a loop because for a while it made me wonder if i was bi after all (i’m not, but i thought about it for a while!). technically speaking, there are other labels i could use to describe my attraction, such as sapphic asexual or homoromantic asexual, although i think for the latter sometimes it depends on how a person feels about the split attraction model and how it can be applied. 

either way! it’s my experience that asexuality significantly influences how a person experiences attraction compared to allosexuals. i’d say that’s the main reason i “group” my aceness with my lesbian identity, because to me they’re intertwined.  

you’re right though about how the perspectives of ace people wildly vary! it’s super interesting to hear from other ace people what their thoughts are. i think for me it comes down to the fact that some ace people may not need a space specifically for their asexuality, and that’s okay! like you’ve mentioned, they typically don’t experience the same level of discrimination, at least not in the same ways, and sometimes it wholly depends on the kind of people you’re around and whether or not you’re out. many ace people do experience discrimination though and desperately do need that space, and i don’t see why the lgbtq+ community shouldn’t be for them as well, considering. there are certainly differences between issues involving asexuality and other identities like gay, lesbian, trans, etc. but there are differences between issues involving specifically those identities as well, and certain similarities between all of them.

I will say anecdotally that the "het" aces I know that consider themselves lgbt for their asexuality often speak over me on queer and trans issues. Personally, I feel there exists a deeper systemic issue regarding trans and queer discrimination than ace discrimination which is part of why I don't immediately consider my asexuality as lgbt or those heteroromantic people as lgbt. In another regard, asexuality obviously is a sexuality (as you mentioned), but I've found with the way my identity blends together, it just makes more sense to talk about that specific part of it with other ace people.

i know how frustrating it is to have people talk over you about issues that directly impact you and not them, and i’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. i do think however that this sort of thing happens even within the lgbtq+ community all the time. this is in no way a justification or excuse for the people who have spoken over you, but just a comparison. i’ve seen tons of conversations (usually on social media) where lesbians will speak over bi women on bi issues, non-lesbians will speak over lesbians on lesbian issues, cis people will speak over trans people on trans issues, etc. it’s frustrating in any case, and it typically has to do with the fact that there’s a certain level of ignorance for almost everyone when it comes to an identity that’s not theirs. (am i making sense??) i even see allo people speak over aspec people on ace issues all the time as well. tldr - i’m not saying there’s not a specific underlying issue with the “het” aces who have spoken over you on those issues, but you can definitely draw comparisons to certain circumstances elsewhere within the community.

i 100% agree with your point that there is a much deeper systemic issue regarding trans and queer discrimination than ace discrimination. i think my view on that pretty much goes back to what i said earlier about how i don’t think discrimination or oppression determines the validity of an identity as an lgbtq+ identity. regardless, like you said about how you feel that it makes more sense to talk about your own asexuality with other ace people, i think sometimes it just comes down to how we perceive/experience our own identities! i often feel more isolated due to my asexuality more than i feel isolated due to my being a lesbian. that may not be the case for all aspec people, but it really impacts me personally.

I think I see the ace spectrum as a separate thing to measures of the types of people I'm attracted to and the type of person I am. Levels of attraction vs. identity and types of attraction in terms of identity, ya know??

that’s also fair! i think in my mind it’s just that aceness is part of my identity/is its own independent identity regardless of who i’m romantically attracted to. my asexuality would still exist whether i’m also a lesbian or not. i just happen to personally combine my identities (aka ace lesbian) because they’re both there and they influence each other. 

Most ace people I do regularly speak with who see themselves as lgbt choose that community because that's where they first learned about the label.

i’m glad you brought this up at the very end too!! i first learned about the label from the lgbtq+ community as well, but it took forever for me to realize that it described me. in my experience, asexuality is crazy misunderstood both in and out of the community. it took me weeks to months of doing my own research on asexuality to understand what it really is, and even then that there’s a spectrum. in regards to everything about this post, i think where an ace person falls on the spectrum might be a big factor that plays into what their experience is like and whether they feel they need a space like the lgbtq+ community. either way, the fact that most people first hear about asexuality from the community and the fact that we have our own flag and everything really speaks to all this. why not choose the lgbtq+ community since it’s already here, that’s where asexuality is often talked about, and that’s where people understand what it’s like to experience attraction that differs from the norm? 

anyway those are my thoughts!! it’s nice to be talking to someone else who’s actually ace rather than feeling like i’m having to preach to allosexuals who don’t think my asexuality matters period :’)

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hi, I've only recently come across your blog and I'd like to ask you a question regarding my type. I've originally written a long text to mbti-notes via private messaging, but I'd like to hear your opinion as well and draw conclusion from that. In short, I've been typing myself as INFP most of the time, even though I've felt like something is off, that I don't relate well to Fi-dom descriptions, etc. so I'm now thinking I could be an INFJ. I'll provide examples for INFJ as well as some questions

Some info: I'm 20, bipolar, have PTSD and severe social anxiety (diagnosed, so I know I'm not just looping or gripping, but this leads to questions such as if I really have Fe or it's just anxiety, etc.) but I've started psychotherapy, I'm not in a depressive nor hypomanic state so nothing really influences my perception of self, etc. Pretty confident that I'm an INFx, although I'm open to other possibilites, as well. Ni usage: I have a concrete sense of direction and where I want to end up

which does slightly change when I'm going through even more stress than usual, however I have everything planned out and absorb as much information on anything that could help me achieving my goals as possible. Unlike many Ne users (even Ne-terts I know), I don't enjoy switching areas of interest every week, dedication and going for your goal is ultimately what matters to me. I often envision the ideal situation and don't enjoy preparing for everything at one time: I get disappointed whenever

doesn't go as I envisioned it, but I often subconsciously "just know" how some things will play out. Though, this doesn't mean I'm okay without thinking everything thorough and immediately reacting to everything hoping it will be all right.HOWEVER: I think anyone is capable of (thinking they're) "predicting things" for whatever reason. I do like structure, and I have the need to know everything before my mind can move on. Although I have trouble with procrastination, I see this as more of an

emotional issue, since I still need everything to be clear. But still, I'd rather delay something than set it in advance when circumstances can change uncomparingly drastically, and this just seems like common sense to me. I'm absolutely perfectionistic in what I assume is important to me. I have to have full control over specific processes since I usually have some kind of vision how they have to turn out and evolve. HOWEVER: I could definitely picture an Fi-Te user doing this with their art

Why I don't think I use Ni: despite me criticizing whatever seems superficial to me, I still would describe myself as "too shallow" to be put in the same list as other Ni doms if judging by the depth of their Ni. I can enjoy things like living in the moment or spending good time with friends possibly too easily for an Ni dom. I've also been described as scatter-brained before, and had to take the role of the class clown on some occasions (this is more stereotyping than typing by functions, tho)

Fe: I'm pretty much "anti-Fi" in some aspects: this comes more from comparing myself against other Fi dominants, but they all have a somewhat, for a lack of better word, naive way of thinking about their identity, such as that you should show who you truly are all the time and through anything you can, to the point of giving up anything that makes them take up a persona. While this can be exhausting to me as well, I just don't seem to have a sense of personal identity whatsoever

Why I don't think I have Fe: even though I care a lot about what people think of me, I wonder if it's actually just inferior Te. In the end, even though I don't have a sense of identity, I "adopt" characteristics of people who seem interesting to me and act as if they were mine. Why I don't think I have Se: I don't think I have ever looped in a way of making impulsive decisions I regret later, etc. only wasting my time sleeping, doing pointless physical activities, etc.

----------------

Hi anon,

I was not able to come up with a type from this as there are very few actual examples, and putting things in terms of MBTI jargon/comparison to people you have typed as certain types is not really useful because I don’t know if they’re actually that type; it’s also really hard to go off of “here’s everything I’m not”, so I would recommend reading through the FAQ if you’re still stuck. Also, 20 is young and you might need more time to develop, particularly if you’ve been dealing with several mental health issues during your teens.

That said, here’s what I have

- lack of examples often correlates to high intuition in that intuitives tend to go straight to their interpretation and general descriptors rather than examples of their behavior

- someone once joked that long asks are usually high Ne and while I don’t think that’s universally true, it’s often true.

concrete sense of direction and where you want to end up is usually high Ni or Si, but in particular the part about procrastination because things can change really does not sound like an Ni dom at all. Dom Ni users tend not to procrastinate but also tend to really struggle with contingency - they are often so fixated on the vision that they don’t know how to deal with the idea that it may not come to pass.

Liking structure is one thing; do you create structure? Some NPs and SPs appreciate structure as an aid/jumping off point but do not create it; they can still find it helpful. Improvisation is still something that has structure, it’s just not the set structure. So this is a case where examples are absolutely vital.

A lot of the other Ni stuff is just people stuff; I think most people have an image of the ideal, and MBTI defines more your relationship to that, not that it exists. Perfectionism is also something for which examples are pretty vital; I see high Ti users claim perfectionism when it’s more what I’d call logical consistency, and sometimes it’s just high standards.

I should also note that while the circumstances of this question make me think intuition is more likely, most of what you’ve said for Ni is equally likely (if not more likely) to be Si; there’s nothing about themes or abstraction, but rather some degree of planning ahead/closure, with an eye to contingency.

So: examples are needed for the perceiving functions.

The part about Fi is similarly not really useable; I don’t know the people you’ve typed as Fi users; I don’t know if they are actually Fi users or if they’re immature Fi users, if you’re talking about ten people or two people, or what. This isn’t to say that comparing yourself against other people isn’t useful for typing yourself - it is - but when asking people who do not know you questions, you need references that they have access to and I do not have this access. With that said, lack of a sense of identity indicates you’re probably not a high Fi user.

Inferior Te wouldn’t really make you care much about what other people think of you (certainly not more than inferior Fe), and again, it’s hard to determine anything from adopting characteristics of others since that can be normal cognition (people mirror each other in general, regardless of type) or alternately, a conscious decision to imitate someone you admire (which anyone can do since it’s by choice).

My wild guess is xNTP, actually, but it’s very tentative; this felt too rambly for high Ni and the evidence for/against feels like it’s coming from a place of high Ti, attempting to put a consistent logical “if I do not fit all aspects of this I am not this” model in place.

[addictofsupernatural]

Spidey Senses (pt. 2)

Peter Parker x reader

Summary: You have a talk with Happy and Tony, and Tony tries to fill in the blanks of your life.

Warning: Angsty memories

Word Count: 2879

Chapter 1 • Chapter 3

"Holy shit!" You said, surprising Tony over the language. "You're the Spiderman?"

"You're the Spidergirl?!"

You turned to Tony, who was watching this from outside the car. "You! Why didn't you give me a heads up?"

He only shrugged. "You didn't ask."

"You could've put two and two together!" He only smirked and closed the door. You turned to Peter. "Stark museum?"

"Yeah. You too?"

"Yeah." You buried your head in your hands. This was a lot to processs...holy crap, this just made him more amazing. Peter really does deserve the world.

"You okay?"

You brought up your head and nodded, gently smiling. "We have a lot to talk about."

Tony got in the front seat next to Happy, who was waiting in the car as well. Tony put up the divider so you two wouldn't hear the conversation. "I like her. She's got spunk, but is also a lot more mature than she acts."

Happy glanced at the drawing. "What's that?"

"A drawing from my number one fan." He put it on the dashboard and leaned back in his seat. "She's got a crush on him."

"The kid? Why?" Happy furrowed his eyebrows.

"Beats me, but he doesn't feel the same way. How does that makes sense? It's like when Cap turns down a woman for the hundredth time. Not this is the same situation, but still. Why is the history of blind men repeating itself?" He rested his fist over his mouth. "I'm trying to wrap my head around it."

Happy thought about it. "Let me see a picture of them." He showed him the picture of you two together. "Oh wow. She's adorable. What's wrong with him?"

"Who knows." He paused. "Pull over. I'm gonna find out." Happy pulled over and Tony opened your door. "Your sitting in the front for now. I wanna have a heart to heart with the kid."

You got up and looked at Tony in the eye. "Please don't embarrass me." He saluted as you sat in the front seat. "Hi. You must be Happy."

You smiled and stuck out your hand. He hesitated for a second before shaking it. It wasn't really a professional firm shake, but he appritiated your attempts to be polite. "You're y/n."

He started driving again, and you nodded. "Yup. Did Mr. Stark tell you anything about me?"

"W–uh, not really, no." You gave him a look and huffed, giving him an expectant look and unconsciously pouty face. "Okay, he told me you have a crush on the Peter kid."

"Ugh, of course he did. Is he always really nosy? I've literally never met someone as curious as him."

Happy chuckled. "Oh yeah. Why, how bad was it?"

"He intarrogates me about the pictures I have on my walls, goes through my kitchen drawers, looks at my bills, then walks into my room to make fun of me for my drawings."

You both laughed. "So you drew that picture?"

You looked at the drawing on the dash board. "Yeah. I guess you can say I'm kind of Mr. Stark's number one fan."

Happy let out a chuckle. "You don't act like it."

"That's because I can realize that he's a regular person with his own emotional issues going on, and that he's a good guy because he chose to be for the sake of others. Not for the fame, like the guy from Hammer tech. Ugh, their products suck. But yeah, he seems like a pretty good dude, even if he suffers from RPR."

"What's RPR?"

"Rich People Rudeness." You both laughed, and Happy thought for a moment.

"Wait, what do you mean when he looked through your bills?"

"Oh, I assumed that Mr. Stark told you." He shook his head. "I've been emancipated for about 8 months now."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to–"

"It's fine." You said lightheartedly. "It's not like it's common where you work or probably live." There was an awkward silence where you knew Happy regretted prying, so you picked up the conversation. "So, I saw that you're trained in boxing."

He smiled while keeping his eyes on the road. "Yeah. Do you know how to fight?"

"Um, I guess I did learn to fight as a kid, but it's considered dirty fighting."

"Hey, don't worry about it. Tony's always using dirty boxing when we go for a round."

You smiled and looked out the window. "Course he does. I wish I knew boxing."

"Well, maybe if there's time with all of this over, I could teach you."

"Aww, you'd do that for me?" You gave him a wide grin, and poked him. "Am I growing on you already?"

"You're not too bad, calm down."

Meanwhile, in the back of the car, Peter was nervous about the idea of Tony wanting a 'heart to heart'. "So," Tony said. "I want to get to know you. Tell me about this girl you like."

"Really?"

Tony took out the container that he put under the seat when he went to get you clothes. He opened it and took out a cookie, taking a bite. "Yeah, talk to me."

"Uh, are those y/n's cookies?"

"Yeah, how can you tell?"

"Those look like the double chocolate cookies that she makes." He unconsciously licked his lips; those were his favorite of yours.

"Do me a favor and don't tell her. I'll buy her some new cookies and give back the container. These are just really addicting."

"Yeah, they really are." Peter laughed out. "Well, the girl like's name is Liz."

"Is that short for anything?"

"No, it's just Liz. Anyways, she's really smart. Like, learning is actually important to her and she tries really hard in everything. My friends and I joined Mathletes for her."

"Your friends being..."

"Y/n and our friend Ned. She's really nice to everyone too. Like, no matter what. Not a lot of people in Queens are like that." Peter smiled and blushed.

"Yeah? You guys talk a lot?"

"Well, no. I get really nervous and choked up. I do get some words out, but I need to work on my confidence around her."

Tony shifted in his place to face more to Peter. "Let me ask you something, and think about it. What does she do when you choke up?"

Peter didn't see how this was an important question. "She usually just stares at me, confused. Her friends would drag her away or this guy named Flash will make fun of me and my friends and I walk away. That's usually how the conversation ends."

Tony had all the information he needed. If Peter was always stumbling over his words and this Liz girl didn't do anything about it, then she wasn't really confused. She was playing dumb, either to not embarrass him or because she wasn't interested. What he did know was that he could use this to his advantage. "Now I want you to compare that to the other women in your life."

"Oh, I don't really have other women in my life. I'm not that kind of person." Peter chuckled at Tony.

"I can see. Who are the women in your life then?"

He shrugged. "Just Aunt May and y/n really."

Tony repressed his smile. This was right where he wanted Peter. For being such a genius with science and technology, Peter was an idiot with people's feelings. "Okay then, let's think of a scenario with y/n."

"Why are–"

"Don't question me when I'm asking you something." He said sternly.

"Sorry." Peter mumbled.

"I want you to think of a scenario where you're trying to talk to y/n, but you can't. You're choked up and it's bothering you that you can't speak clearly to tell her something really important to you. What would she do?"

"Well, she'd probably tell me to stop talking, and have me take a deep breath. I could see her grabbing my hand and telling me that whatever it is I want to say is just as important to her if it is to me, and that I should know that I could always tell her anything. She'd probably make me go for a walk and swing our hands to sooth me while we wouldn't say anything. Then when I'm calm enough I'd tell her."

Tony learned two things from this. One, Peter was an oblivious dumbass who still had this likability to him somehow. And two, you had some game. Your flirting was strong even in a damn fake scenario, and you sounded smooth as hell. Tony needed to think about this. He needed to figure out what to say in order to nudge Peter onto you without saying Just kiss her, trust me.

"Y'know, one thing that I like about me and Pepper's relationship is that we can talk about anything for hours. She makes me comfortable and talking to her feels natural and at home. Make sure you feel your best around the girl you like."

Peter thought about this, and Tony dusted the cookie crumbs off his hands. "Okay that's enough advice I'm able to give." He said.

He knocked on the divider, which Happy put down. You did a double take, quickly turning around to look at the container in Tony's lap. "Are those my cookies?!"

He looked like he was trying to think of an excuse, but couldn't find one. "Yes."

You huffed and shook your head, looking back at Happy. "See what I mean?"

He sighed. "Oh Tony."

"Anyways, switch with the kid. I want to talk to you."

You got out of the car and made your way to Peter's door, where he just got out. "How'd it go?" You asked.

"Uh, he told me some stuff that was pretty interesting. But it was good advice. He obviously likes you more than me."

"I don't think it's possible for anyone to like someone else over you." You both smiled as you entwined your fingers together. "I bet he already loves you as much as I do."

He twirled you around, making you giggle. "Thanks y/n. I love it that I have a friend as amazing as you."

"Course." Happy and Tony both looked at each other to acknowledge the depressing friendzone blow you just took. As you slid inside the car you took the container from Tony, handing it to Happy. "Here you go. You two can have the rest."

Happy joyfully took the tupperware. "Happy, put the divider back up." Tony said. Once it was up, he turned to you and overly smiled. "He's cute, isn't he?"

"You don't have to make fun of me." You pouted.

He laughed. "I can see that he's a good kid, and socially awkward. You two were really friendly with each other."

"Not really. We grew up with each other, so it's just natural."

"I want to know what made you like him the way you do." He leaned his head on the seat as he gently smiled.

You looked down and shrugged, smiling. "He just has this light about him. No matter how sad life can get for me, he always makes me smile. He was there for me at my lowest. He knew about my mom, everyone in school did, but he was the only one who wanted to talk to me. Everybody else saw me as dangerous. Ned was reluctant, since he's always been overly cautious, but he warmed up to me. He was even there when I went to court to get myself emancipated."

"Tell me a story of him and you. When was a time where the two of you used your brains together?"

Your smile grew. "There was this time when Peter and I built a TV for me. I found as much as I could from scavenging around the home we lived in, and he had his parents buy the rest. It was our project together. It was an excuse to get away from my mom, and I was so proud of myself when we finished and it actually turned on. It made me love projects from then on. Projects are a reason to be around Peter, and a distraction from everything else."

Tony loved this. This was better than any Hallmark movie. Better than any romance story he's seen. "When did you first get a crush on the kid?"

Your smile left you. "That's kind of a long story." You looked down again, this time in shame. "My uh, my mom had a lot of friends over all the time. They did a lot of stuff, and put a lot of stuff in themselves. I didn't know what it was back then, but I knew it wasn't good. I stepped on a needle that was left on the floor, and whatever they had just took was in me too. I had a seizure, and whoever was still in their right mind called an ambulance. I was in there for three days, still trying to gain back all the feelings in my body. Peter visited me everyday, and fed me when my hand was too shaky for me to eat by myself."

He saw your watery eyes, and felt guilty for bringing it up. "Kid, I'm sorry for asking."

You shook your head and wiped your eyes. "It's fine. Peter told his parents that my mom was really sick, so let me stay there for a few days. We were only six, so we slept in the same bed. I think that's when I first got my crush on him. When he hugged me after getting woken up by my nightmares."

He smiled at you, but was filled to the brim with sadness. He didn't know what to do, what to say. He just wanted you to feel better. Damn, why did that amazing idiot like someone else? Without thinking, Tony pulled you in for a hug. You hesitated, but hugged him back. You didn't remember the last time you were hugged like this, but it felt really good.

At the same time, Peter was failing miserably at talking to Happy. He tried to ask him about his name, but got nowhere. They both opted for silently eating your cookies together. He did see one of your drawings on the dashboard, and picked it up to examine it. He put it back down, smiling and looking out the window. He was proud of you for giving it to Tony.

The car then stopped. You and Tony didn't say anything when pulling back, but you gave him a smile that he easily returned. As everybody got out of the car, Tony had Happy take out your luggages with new clothes and toiletries. He was going to have Happy bring them up, but you both protested and got it yourselves.

He explained the mission situation, and weak points in some of the people's fighting abilities. He then told you two to find your hotel rooms while he talked to Happy. He had a lot to gossip with Happy about you. He usually wouldn't be doing this with anybody, but he trusted to task Happy with looking after you in the future.

You both went in the hotel and gave your names to the front desk lady. Miraculously, she gave you two room keys without question. You excitedly went up to the 5th floor, and went to your connected rooms. You both went to Peter's side first, then yours.

"Yup, your side is a lot better." Peter said as he put his small luggage bag down at a corner of your room.

"What're you doing?" You asked.

"Don't you get nightmares when your in a new area alone? I'm gonna sleep with you."

You lightly smiled at the innocent but so meaningful statement. He really did care. "You remembered. Okay, let's get ready for bed then."

You both brushed your teeth together, and you changed in the bathroom while he took the bedroom. You were pretty nervous to leave the bathroom, with these small pj shorts on. The only times you've shown your legs are in PE, and even those shorts were pretty long. When you did step out of the bathroom, you saw that Peter was shirtless and had a frown. "Mr. Stark didn't pack any pajama shirts for me."

You shrugged, trying to not melt on the spot at the fact that his powers gave him super hot abs. "Maybe he figured you sleep shirtless."

"I guess." You both went under the sheets, and he cutely turned to face you with an adorable smile. "What did you and Mr. Stark talk about?"

"He wanted to know about my past."

"Oh." His smile was wiped clean off, and a worried expression replaced it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I really am." You then wrapped your arms around his waist and snuggled into his chest. "It just made me remember how lucky I am to have such an amazing person like you in my life."

He smiled and hugged you back. "I'm lucky too."

You then quickly dozed off in his arms, and he'd be damned if he accidentally woke your nice slumber, so he didn't move you. He thought about Tony's word of advice. He needed to learn how to talk to Liz like a regular person, and become closer. He can always speak to you normally. Maybe you could help him with that. That must've been what Tony meant. Yeah.

---

Author Note: Someone asked to be tagged but then deleted the comment, so to whoever that was, sorry I didn't tag you.

---

Tag List:

@flawlessapollo6 @them-cute-boys @lunawndrlnd @the-greatt-perhaps

[luciplayzsims]

Gen 1.4

Conflicting Realities

A Whimsy Stories Legacy Challenge playthrough

It appears not having a door equals to an endless 'come in' invitation to whoever is walking by, especially judging by how quickly our trash boi found our place, perhaps he followed the scent of the cooking fish or the scent of our beloved Mari.

M: What do you mean my scent? I took a shower earlier okay?!

He also appears to be super sad, could it be because I'm calling him trash boi instead of his name? Or is it because of his clay hair? Who knows.

M: Aw why are you crying? Do you want to talk about it?

TrashBoi: Not really, I just saw you here by the fire and thought I'd sit and chat for a bit, if you don't mind.

He also went to play with the stray dogs hanging in our lot as well so I am assuming he just needed some distractions to whatever is afflicting him, the poor bean.

But just as we were getting to know him a little more a text pops up and Marissa is too smitten by Jessie to let go of this opportunity.

M: I'm going to meet my future husbands house! I might even move in with him and everything, omg, this is huge!

Yes, let's hope the Sim Gods don't decide you should continue to live in your plot of land *whistles*

M: Oh my gosh, you live in this huge house by yourself? *shocked*

J: Nah, I share it with two other housemates, one of them is the actual owner. I think his parents passed away or something like that and he needed help with the bills. It's a cool place right?

M: It's majestic.

J: Well I assume pretty much anything is fantastic when compared to living in a tent. *Laughs*

Is it just me or is he being rude?

... I don't even know. Hot and cold much?

At that moment one of Jessie's housemates popped up, heading to the dining area, her eyes scanning Mari head to toes before giving her a smile. Marissa joined her, taking a serving of the apple salad Jessie had prepared for them. Jessie introduced the other woman as Chasity.

Chasity: So, you're the new girl Jessie brought home this time... I don't think I've seen you here before.

M: ...this time?

J: Chasity stop that, it makes me sound bad.

C: Oh I'm just joking, ~of course~ he doesn't bring ~that many~ girls around *chuckles*

M: Why am I suddenly feeling like this is an awkward conversation?

...Because it is. As soon as Jessie goes off to wash his hands Chasity turns to Mari with a grin growing wider.

C: Look I don't know what is your goal here, you seem like an..... interesting person and all even if your fashion sense isn't the best but don't think you can latch onto Jessie just so you can move in with us, the house is too small for you, trust me.

M: Right... So you're expecting me to back off just because you're telling me this? What are we, 15?

C: I'm just telling you this for your own sake, you do as you wish but I cannot promise you it won't end badly.

M: ... Are you... threatening me? Really? What the heck.

Marissa gets up from the table, waiting just long enough by the living room for Jessie to return. She has had enough of that awkward encounter and all she wants now is her home.

But before she goes she slaps a kiss on Jessie's lips to prove to Chasity or anyone else that she isn't afraid of empty threats. If she pulled through the tattooing process several times now, she can damn sure pull through some jealous b*tch and whatever hot and cold behavior Jessie might have.

J: Oh that was something *chuckles* What do you say we leave this place and go karaoking or something? You look like you might need a drink.

Marissa grins, nodding eagerly.

There isn't much karaoking happening in their outing from what I see, just a bunch of alcohol and the surprising pop up of Trash boi at the venue as well.

J: Marissa, I know you for such a short time but you brighten my day every day, will you marry me?

I SWEAR I didn't do this, this was autonomous and I was dead shocked when this happened! ALSO, "tipsy" is an understatement at this point!

Marissa accepted the proposal, not entirely sure where Jessie got that ring from or what exactly was happening at that moment, much to the dismay of everyone watching as well as the Sim God who clearly has no control over her own characters.

TB: They're going to regret this in the morning aren't they?

I think so, Trash Boi, I do think so.

The Start || Next

[thoughtfulpaperback]

SPOILERS!!!

Charmed 02x02 Review

Y'all part of me just can't. Like the excitement and energy over this last episode is too much to keep inside. I am super ready to burst and super excited for episode 3. But I am just gonna say that overall I thought this episode was superb 8/10 only because I am saving my 9 and 10. But if I could I'd give it a 9 out of ten. There was only like a couple things I was nitpicky about and it's pretty standard tv logic stuff that most people overlook so dont come at me for it. So I am just gonna start like I always do except I cant just pick 3 likes and dislikes so I am just gonna list my likes some of the nitpicks and then some episode highlights.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Things I liked:

1. Hacy development

So no secret I am a hacy fan and I pretty much love any hacy content the show will give us but I really thought the show did so well this episode.

Originally, I thought the show was going to explore Macy's feelings through Dark!Harry, and in a way they have revealed them using Dark!Harry (Season 1 ended with us not sure if Macy felt anything for Harry, but knowing he had some feelings for her). I was worried there may be less hacy moments because they would keep most of the interaction between Dark!Harry and Macy. Even had me scared that Macy may be falling for Dark!Harry and not Harry proper. But no, they gave us Genuine Hacy.

The awkwardness of the interactions after the dream. That car ride was hilarious with the map and the radio (harry is still super at comedic relief in club and in car)

Harry's concern over having done something wrong

The looks when checking each other out.

Making each other laugh and encouraging each other.

Harry trying to save that witch and Macy being concerned by what it would

"I know Harry"

I mean it wasn't just tension. There was some fluff thrown in. Harry telling her to celebrate the victories and looking at her proudly. Which brings me to item 2.

2) I love what rupert does with his eyes between the two Harrys. Real harry (as macy put it) is so harmless looking. Those puppy eyes are adorable and rupert makes sure to have then turned up all the way when being real harry.

The only time Dark!harry makes soft eyes (well sort of) is the first time we see him with Macy, the initial moment in episode 1, and then when Maggie goes for a hug in this episode. He is just so taken off guard by the affection that his pretending-to-be-Harry-face slips and his eyes kind of go wide and they arent so narrowed and focused. Which makes me think he has not been hugged often or at all . . . That's sad. Then the switch when Maggie backs away. The eyes narrow again and he gets all mean. Just love that rupert can do things like that to give both characters distinctive enough feels that you can tell that dark!harry is acting.

3) Mel and Maggie bonding

So I really do hope that we get some Macy and Mel bonding, but I am happy anytime the show can deepen the bonds between the sisters. Maggie and Mel have a bit of a complicated relationship even though they grew up together. I mean especially from this episode we see and remember that Mel was the big sister for most of her life. She protected Maggie and seems to have acted like a second parent. It is sad that there dad really just turned out to be a bad dad. No reason behind it no, issues with Marisol other than apparently the ones he created on his own (which I will get into on my nitpicks). The fact this was just a loss for Maggie, and not just a loss as in she was the only one to feel something when Ray died but a loss of memories she thought she had and an idea of who her dad (a piece of her past), was sad but it actually gave us further insight into mel and Maggie's dynamics. First season we knew the rift between mel and Maggie was over Mel's obsession with and Mel's expectations of how Maggie should have acted and behaved. I think a lot of us chalked it up to Mel being controlling and having the oldest child attitude, but I think now we see there is more there. Mel seems to have spent a lot of time protecting Maggie and biting her tongue about certain aspects of thier lives and in a sense making sacrifices for her. So it makes sense she would expect the same from Maggie, but at the same time Maggie didnt know, and even if she did thise were Mel's choices and Maggie doesnt owe her anything for them.

Knowing that we can see how it is so easy for riffs to form between them which make the start of this season make more sense to me. Because Maggie wants to live her life and is a trusting and positive person. Mel expects a certain level of loyalty and commitment and has a different idea of what that looks like compared to Maggie. On top of there general personality differences it makes sense they all that would culminate into a rocky relationship prone to communication difficulties and tifs. But I love that they are starting to acknowledge those things and rebuild. Last season it was them just getting over feeling abandoned by each other after the death of Marisol. This exposed deeper roots of the initial rift. I liked that.

4) I love that the Maggie and Mel still have Magic and even though though the active powers are gone they arent defenseless. They just need to be resourceful. I actually like this a lot and I feel gives the writers a lot of room to play with creative ways for the ladies to save other witches.

5) demon lore!!!! Okay so while season 1 seems mostly thrown out the lore actually explains season 1 demons better.

One of the issues I had was that there did not seem to be a synchronized front with the demons and they never explained why even though Alistair claimed to be a hotshot the only people he had working for him was his family.

In the OG in first season before lore got expanded) demons and witches werent organized. Demons sort of acted on thier own for thier own purposes and witches seem mostly solitary except for occasional get togethers on important events. Later on in the series demons got an organization system (triad) then later one ruler (the source of all evil). Witches seem mostly solitary except for now the elders who assigned white lighters watched over them and placed rules on magic. I dont think people really remember the drastic shift in lore and the plot holes OG had because we generally liked the places it was going. So I am kinda on that page fro the reboot.

It flipped the script. Witches are or were the organized bunch both self ruling and ruling over the magical community. Demons were at war with each other and all had different agendas so makes sense that the Caines were mostly on thier own.

I like this idea of there being different general types of demons and a hierarchy. I do wonder if that will limit then in the long run, but assuming they can be creative with the categories they have defined I am not too worried. I am excited to get more info on demons now.

6) the new love interests. I love Mel's new love interest. So different from Mel and her previous love interests. I reserve judgment until we get more interaction but I am liking her so far. Jordan is interesting I am actually liking the build up of thier relationship and will be nice to see maggie start off slow and make friends with him first. I wasnt a huge parkerita fan but I did not dislike the ship. But one of my general blehs is love at first site between teens. The way parker and Maggie began was just off putting to me but they were nice together when they were together honestly. This will be a good venture into perhaps an adult relationship or at least on that doesnt begin with as much drama. That said she is dead and will have to hide her identity from him soo....

Now on to the nitpicks:

1) Ray's characterization.

Okay so I dont mind that Ray turned out to be just a crap dad. It happens. But there are things we know that Ray probably didnt that makes us wonder why marisol even got with him and married him.

A) we know Marisol continued an affair throughout her marriage to Ray. Even assuming Ray was just a crap husband and father, why did marisol get with him and marry him if he was so good at alienating everyone he met. I wouldnt think he was just a one night stand that Marisol decided she would have to marry after getting pregnant. I would think she would be above that.

B) did he even know about magic. Was his whole relationship and life with Marisol and the girls just based on secrets, ignorance, and not being around?

I mean for B it is fine if it was I just would like to know for sure what it was versus just guessing. But I assume like Maggie I am just gonna have to move on from this

2) the house lights and the job application.

Okay how does the house have power and and water without the city noticing? How can maggie apply for a job with no social security number? I mean I assume because she is dead she cant use her real info. Or she could but wouldnt that make it easy for demons who may think to infiltrate government records to find them? I mean this is a nitpick and can be explained away by Magic, but still it was on my mind.

3) the mysterious figure at the end. Okay y'all, I assume it is Dark!Harry. But the more I thought about it, the more I got angry that they didnt show his face. Basically, that is leaving room that it could be someone else like one of the other new love interests or someone we havent met yet. I dont like that. If it is Dark!Harry we've already met him and know he is after the girls so most likely would be working with the demons. So showing him wouldnt be a big deal. But keeping the figure hidden means leaving that door of possibilites open. This has me paranoid now. Again nitpick. I'll get over it. Some people might like that.

Episode Highlights:

Comic relief Harry. Getting knocked down when orbing into the club and not being able to hold a map.

"I'll put a hex on you."

"I'm formidable!" You tell him!

Harry's wonky orbing in general. so confused so turned about.

Maggie being able to tell that Dark!Harry was not Harry. "Those are Harry's charges and family you cant fool them ya creep!!!"

Invisible mel putting a shovel to the side of Dark!Harry's face. "Yess!!!!"

Harry's puppy dog eyes when Macy says all she needs is a look to know who the real Harry is