#But THEY cannot seduce YOU.

[moltengoldveins]

You won’t.

BUT I WILL-

(I have so thoroughly expunged the feeling of shame from my psyche as to be invincible, fuck you shiney)

SO. ONCE UPON A TIME. I was on a FaceTime call with Shiney, and I was making chocolate pudding bc I was meal prepping for work and if I make pudding in advance I get pudding that’s literally just eggs and stevia and it’s tons of protein and very fun. And part of this process is getting the very thick chocolate pudding out of the bullet blender. so I, being alone in my own goddamn home at the time, scoop it out with my (clean) fingers and then begin to lick the excess off.

Chat. When I tell you she went PURPLE. She started SHAKING. I was confused for maybe a solid minute before figuring out that Shiney was once again being Allo in my direction and I decided to take it and run with it. Now I’m not allowed to food prep in her direction on FaceTime because I cannot be trusted.

We need to embrace the fact that the tumblr userbase is aging. What’s everybody’s favorite kitchen appliance?

[stiffyck]

HOLD ON HOLD ON THAT ONE POST ABOUT S10 AROACE GRIAN AND THAT ONE POST ABOUT SIREN SCAR-

Aroace Grian who's a fisherman and friends with Scar, a siren, because Scars magic doesn't work on him.

Scar Is also aroace. He just likes eating people.

[akicklineisinevitable]

okay but i fully believe that the nerdy prudes play D&D together. they've just got the energy. Pete is their long suffering DM who has to put up with Ruth flirting with all the NPCs and Richie insisting on anime fight moves. when they eventually get Steph in on it she also flirts with all the NPCs but it's just so she has an excuse to flirt with Pete

[fuzzyspiderpawz]

While you were busy having sex or whatever🙄 I was flying around breathing fire and sleeping in/on my hoard that resides deep within an abandoned cave/castle

[napping-sapphic]

Cannot even begin to express how badly i need a relationship where i ask them to bring me some comfy clothes and they bring me their own clothes instead of mine

[murcielagatito]

"on the contrary, i was very very impressed. and it made me think that maybe- you were- the one."

[imaginelegends]

im just gonna come out and say it

S2 is markedly less horny and it suffers for that

[jeweled-blue-eyes]

[asgardian--angels]

anyway seeing people on iwtvtwt being legitimately upset/put off by the previews for ep 7 baffle me, im looking around the room like i thought we were all here to revel in this fucked up vampire love story which is, and I cannot stress enough, fucked up

I mean I'm obviously not seeing this from book fans but, it just is wild to me that show-only fans are somehow having a moment of 'whoa this is so messed up are they really going to xyz? I don't know if I can handle this' or even that they aren't going to watch it

did you miss the part where lestat literally dragged louis by the jaw in a trail of blood down the alleyway, or when lestat stone cold threatened to grind claudia's bones into dust if she didn't get back in her cage for louis's so-called happiness, or any number of the other pretty fucked up stuff in s1? let alone the very bonkers messed up stuff in the books? I just. We literally already had a scene in s2 where Louis hallucinates Lestat telling Louis to kill him because that's the only way Louis knows how to love, followed by Louis actually smashing his skull over and over against a stone wall only to realize he killed a random innocent person instead. That kind of fucked up is the expectation for this season.

Look, eps 7-8 are going to be intense, but still well within the realm of what's established in the show and certainly within the wide wide realm of the anne rice books. The show goes some very dark places emotionally and physically, and that's critical to the point of the show itself. Will it be tragic, and unfair, and brutal? Absolutely, as it was in the book. We cannot stop that Titanic from hitting the iceberg - Claudia will die and we cannot prevent it, but Armand could have and did not. There will be senseless cruelty, and mind games, and dark acts of rage and revenge. This is gothic horror and gothic romance, and I just don't think anyone should be genuinely surprised by what that entails.

Most of all, I just absolutely do not want to see any negativity towards the show after this episode, any 'how could you's or 'this was sick and disgusting' or animosity towards writers, cast, crew, etc. Do Not. This is not the show to be asking for, or expecting, violence or tragedy to be toned down, or major plot points like Claudia's death to be somehow changed. You do not need to have read the books to love this show, but it is imperative to acknowledge the show echoes the books in both content and tone, and that it does not shy away from those dark venturings is a hallmark of an excellent adaptation of an iconic series.

Anyways I am kind of apprehensive of going on Twitter after this episode, because I just want to revel in my feelings and not have to deal with or even think about other people's myopic grievances. This episode is going to make me lose my mind in the best of ways, and the more fucked up it is, the better. I want to see everything unravel, I want to see things in the present day come to a head, I want to see Lestat being made to condemn his sister-daughter to death, I want to feel Louis's sorrow and helplessness and rage when he cannot save her. Let's just have a good time, alright? We're not here because we want a happy show where everyone turns out alright in the end, we want a story that is compelling and complex and tragic and reflective.

basically everytime i see these twitter opinions i just remember jacob anderson in full burnt prosthetics singing jones barbecue and foot massage

[uncanny-tranny]

Okay, if I had to simplify my gender into one song, it would absolutely have to be Libiamo ne' lieti calici. Like, I am going absolute feral right now. Do you see this vision of mine.

[dailyhonakana]

day 6 is today!! admin 🎼 here with another drabble about kanade being a hopeless lesbian that took me far too long to write ‼️‼️ enjoy!

—

Honami’s in the middle of cleaning Kanade’s bathroom (step five—wiping down her sink) when she hears footsteps coming from down the hall. She turns around to see Kanade, with remarkably prominent bags under her eyes, slowly stumbling forward. Her foot lands on the ends of her hair behind her as she takes a step, and her eyes widen as she starts heading towards the floor. 

Arms outstretched, a panicked Honami abandons the sink and rushes towards her, allowing Kanade to collapse against her instead. She’s filled with relief, but she starts to become worried when Kanade remains still for a good few seconds. 

“Mochizuki-san…” she mumbles finally, muffled by the fact her head is buried against Honami’s body.

Honami’s now also growing mildly embarrassed. She looks up at the ceiling. “Yes?”

“I think I need a hair tie.”

“Ah,” Honami says. “Yeah. I think you might need one, too.”

“Are there any in the bathroom?”

“Um, no, but I have one on me. Can you… uh…”

“Oh— sorry—“ Kanade stammers, removing herself from Honami’s arms. The space between her arms is now empty, admittedly leaving her a little disappointed, but she resolves not to think about that as she fishes in her pocket for her spare hair tie. She pulls it out and presents it to Kanade, who places it in her palm hesitantly. 

“Uh,” Kanade says. 

“…Do you know what to do with it?” Honami asks.

“No, I don’t.”

“I can show you, then,” Honami suggests. Kanade smiles gratefully and nods.

Honami leads her in front of the bathroom mirror and turns to face her. “Okay,” she says, tugging the hair tie from her own ponytail and pulling it onto her wrist. “So first you need to put your hair tie on your wrist, like I just did. Then you gather all your hair in one of your hands…”

She demonstrates this, holding her gathered hair up using the arm with the hair tie on it. Kanade slips her hair tie onto her wrist, and then she kind of stops doing anything. She’s not moving; her eyes look like they’re unfocusing, yet they’re still intensely focused. It’s a look Honami has seen before—the same look Kanade has when she’s doing what she loves most, writing songs, and she’s so deeply into composing a piece it’s consumed her entire mind. And she’s staring intensely at something in Honami’s general direction. Not at Honami, surely, but at something in the mirror, maybe? Whatever it is, it seems to have captured her attention quite a lot, so much so she’s forgotten what she’s doing. For how long she’s known Kanade and how well she knows her, Honami didn’t know anything could distract her that much. She must really be out of it today.

“Um, Ms. Yoisaki?”

“Oh,” Kanade says. She blinks. “I’m sorry, I… think I spaced out for a moment.”

“Do you maybe want me to show you another time?” Honami suggests gently. “You seem very exhausted. I don’t think you should go back to work - I can make you dinner now, before I head home.”

“…Yes. Sure, that sounds good.” Kanade manages a weak smile at her.

Honami pats her on the arm (and she swears she feels her freeze up a little, though that might’ve been her imagination). “Take a break, please,” she says softly. As she heads to the kitchen, she ties her hair back into her usual side ponytail, and definitely doesn’t wonder if Kanade was thinking about anyone in particular.

[zorkaya-moved]

“ have you told anyone else about this? ” Ansel asked, gaze falling upon the form against the wall. Who's enemy was it? His, or hers? Golden eyes narrow, unlike his usual charm and cheer, before looking to his wife. His wife. "I'll get this sorted out, I should've been there." Regardless of where they stood with each other and how they felt towards this arrangement forced upon them, this was unacceptable. "Did they hurt you?" Came his next demand, pupils shifting for a moment as he turned to her. He knew she could handle herself, and he respected her prowess, but what kind of husband would he be if he didn't check in on her?

@heartsglass

"I didn't. There was no need."

It's all mundane: assassination attempts, blood spilling, and corpses needed to be taken out or fully destroyed. Sometimes, if they're unlucky, they get tortured for information to see who is the person behind them. Today seems to be an assassin's lucky day as Sokolova... No, De Luca seems to be in no need to have any information taken out of the foolish attempt as it's been all too obvious who may wish for this alliance to finally break. If one of them dies in this marriage, it'll start annihilation. And, frankly speaking, Zarina knew her family would be winners solely for the fact of who were her mother and brother. Elementals of Natural Disaster were not known to public, but it doesn't matter. She did not wish for war to start as it'd be a nuisance down the line. This marriage was supposed to be a valuable alliance for future years, not immediately gathering of goods.

"You should've," she says, voice sweet and saccharine despite the situation, index finger curling a lock of silver hair around it. Her eyes may be cold in its golden gleam, but the way she's dressed might have fooled others all too well. Her white nightgown, untouched by the blood and by the assassins hand. The assailant remains unmoving. "What husband does not join his wife in the bedroom?"

Obviously, she knows he's a man of respect and gentlemanly behavior. However, they were not in love and they were not yet as close as they made it look like on the outside. Quite a play they take part in, but it's for the better of their closest family. Undoubtedly, even if she dislikes the arranged marriage, she has to play the role and since he's such a gentleman, he should at least show some attraction. It's tickling her pride and she's almost ready to seduce him here and now just to get some action. Quite out of nowhere, is it? But Zarina's a woman of indulgence and want, and she'd want to take all she can get as an opportunity.

Perhaps, she shouldn't push it but when he asks if she's hurt, it almost makes her laugh. With that in mind, the newly wed "De Luca" steps away from the wall, steps silent and light as she approaches her husband. Husband, yes, a man who she's married for the sake of future benefits for their families. His eyes of gold, his fluffy hair, his pleasant voice, his warm aura. She can consider herself lucky to be married to such a wonderful man... if she felt anything. Because right now, they discuss business.

"I don't think so," she responds with a thoughtful expression, arms hugging her as if she's cold. Each one of her moves has a reason, expression changing from thoughtful to regretful to thoughtful once more. She presses her lips together before relaxing, eyes of gold changing their gleam to something warmer and something sweet as she looks back at her betrothed. "But I would appreciate it if you'd stay here, with me. Is it too much to ask, Ansel?" Zarina lets her voice become a whisper as she reaches out with one of her hands to almost grasp the fabric of his shirt only to retract as if she's afraid he'll slap her hand away.

"If you're unsure, you can check for yourself. It's not like I'm wearing enough to hide everything," then, she laughs softly and twirls around for him. Both to show off that she is not injured but also to show off just how pretty she is. The pretty nightgown and the shawl on her shoulders, all underlining the prettiness and ethereal nature of the elemental. Is she not pretty? Won't he have any reaction to it? It'd be upsetting. Truly, it would be. Then again, persistence is one of the things she excels at. "See?"

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread

In My Dreams

romcom novella

when the nature reserve she works at goes into lockdown due to dangerous fugitives in the area, an ace woman is stuck for two weeks with the childhood friend she was in love with as a teenager

[queencvbra]

Truly admire Peyton's commitment to getting that paycheck and growing her acting credits, even if it means she has to participate in the Worst projects.

[thekingofspin]

12 and clara make every episode better (but I may or may not be extremely biased)

[chiyana]

Tim tells the Batclan he's going on a space mission with Young Justice for a few weeks, he's got everything sorted civilian side and his cases and patrol routes covered, and also if any of his usual Rogue's Gallery suddenly comes looking for him don't worry about it.

And all of that is fine and normal - except that last part hey Tim what the fuck does that mean?

and Tim just goes it's fine don't worry about it anyway gotta go bye! and then he just bounces

and everything is fine until not even a day later when Babs forwards them a video Red Robin uploaded to his social medias that is a music video of him (Red Robin) seductively lip-syncing along to Chappell Roan's "My Kink is Karma" against a backdrop of fail compilation clips of several of the villains Tim has a particular grudge against, including Azrael, Lex Luthor, and most prominently Ra's al Ghul.

so there's Tim, in a form-fitting catsuit styled like his Red Robin costume, in heels, feeling himself up with a video clip in the background showing Ra's tripping on his own robes and face planting into the brickwork, evidence he dyes out some of the gray in his hair, his sash coming undone and pants falling off in the middle of a fight, trying to swipe the effects of a glitterbomb off of himself, etc.

It all ends with the Mean Girls clip of "why are you so obsessed with me?"

The video is immediately viral.

(There's some clips of Red Hood in there fucking up but Jason can't even be mad because he's laughing so hard he's gonna throw up)

Tim's Rogues absolutely DO show up to Gotham looking for him, and while they all want revenge, Red Robin is THEIR arch enemy like HELL are they going to work with these other embarrassments, so they all start fighting each other and it is absolutely CHAOS (Lex decides discretion is the better part of valor and makes a statement that no of course he has nothing against Red Robin he has no idea why he was included in that video haha yes of course it was Very Funny when a bird accidentally pooped on his head he is Very Capable of laughing at himself Thank You, and then he quietly goes to one of his vacation houses and moodily drinks for several days waiting for things to blow over)

Tim, meanwhile, is having a wonderful vacation with Young Justice, catching up with Lobo and Slobo, chasing down some space pirates, and just getting out of Gotham and away from his Rogues trying to challenge him/seduce him/kill him/whatever.

Bruce is taking the constant psychic damage of having the image of softcore Red Robin erotica burned into his brain along with the realization that way, way, WAY too many of Tim's Rogues want to sleep with him like an absolute champ. (Dick is not taking it like a champ, Dick is taking it like an unhinged vengeful wraith and has had to be benched for trying to tear out Ra's throat with his teeth.)

Stephanie is having the Time of Her Life. Damian cannot look anyone in the eye and absolutely cannot look Ra's (or his mother who ALSO showed up prominently in the video) in the face and is Not Having the Time of His Life.

(Jason is with Steph on this one, he is having SUCH a blast, this is so fucking hysterical)