#It’s the exact sensation of walking into a room and realizing you are significantly taller and stronger than the people in said room

[moltengoldveins]

You won’t.

BUT I WILL-

(I have so thoroughly expunged the feeling of shame from my psyche as to be invincible, fuck you shiney)

SO. ONCE UPON A TIME. I was on a FaceTime call with Shiney, and I was making chocolate pudding bc I was meal prepping for work and if I make pudding in advance I get pudding that’s literally just eggs and stevia and it’s tons of protein and very fun. And part of this process is getting the very thick chocolate pudding out of the bullet blender. so I, being alone in my own goddamn home at the time, scoop it out with my (clean) fingers and then begin to lick the excess off.

Chat. When I tell you she went PURPLE. She started SHAKING. I was confused for maybe a solid minute before figuring out that Shiney was once again being Allo in my direction and I decided to take it and run with it. Now I’m not allowed to food prep in her direction on FaceTime because I cannot be trusted.

We need to embrace the fact that the tumblr userbase is aging. What’s everybody’s favorite kitchen appliance?

[lettheladylead]

avoid the unhappy ending (ch5)

ships/characters: Goldie, Violet, Lena, Scrooge/Goldie  words (ch5): ~1300 summary: Goldie comes to town to see Scrooge. Instead, she somehow manages to run into literally everyone else. ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108943/chapters/66355184

[1 & 2] [3] [4]

Chapter 5 below the cut:

At this point, she was just checking random doors. That door used to be a closet, but hey - maybe it’s a secret room now! Oh, nope. Still a closet.

That door used to be a bathroom! And...still a bathroom.

Eventually she did open one that turned out to be a room. A surprisingly big room, actually. With two pairs of eyes staring right at her.

She didn’t want to talk to more kids. This was getting tiring. Goldie immediately tried to turn around, but the door was suddenly encased in a blue light and it closed magically in front of her.

“Who are you?!”

Goldie turned around to see the taller child floating two feet off the ground and holding a magically glowing hand towards the door. Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t Scrooge have magical children running around his home? He had everything else. This just made sense.

The other little girl was holding some sort of glowing magical talisman. Great. Great, great, great.

“How about a better question...who are you two?”

Lena scowled. “We asked you first!”

“I suppose that’s true.” Goldie shrugged, taking a few steps away from the door to test her current flexibility under this glowing child’s eye. She couldn’t take more than a few steps before feeling a magical heat on her feathers. The heat felt oddly familiar, like she’d fought someone before who used the exact same brand of magic. A hundred years of magical foes didn’t trim the list down very much, but it was something to think about. With that in mind, Goldie decided that fighting these kids wasn’t worth the effort nor the consequences.

“I’m a friend of Scrooge’s.”

Lena looked like she’d calmed down a little at that response, pulling her arm back, but Violet put up a hand threateningly. “Scrooge McDuck has a lot of dangerous friends. What’s your name?”

Goldie moved to slap her hand against her forehead, but quickly stopped and instead pinched the bridge at the top of her beak. “Goldie O’Gilt.”

Violet didn’t seem to recognize the name, but Lena immediately relaxed and landed back down on the floor with a thud.

“You know her?”

“Yeah, she’s Scrooge’s girlfriend. She’s a thief, but Louie says she’s harmless.”

“Harmless?” Goldie scowled. “Just because I don’t want to mess with a bunch of children doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be afraid of me!”

Violet raised an eyebrow and looked up at her sister. “I see what you mean.”

“What!?”

“So what’re you doing here, Goldie?” Lena asked impolitely, not bothering with any sort of title or explanation. “We’re kind of busy getting started on a sleepover.”

Goldie’s eye twitched and she stared down at these two unexpectedly sassy children. “I’m just trying to find Scrooge. Somehow I doubt you two vagabonds could help me out.”

“Like we would even if we could,” Lena said with a smirk, elbowing her sister in the arm. “I think she’s scared of me.”

“Your powers have grown exceptionally more intimidating, so it’s understandable.”

The blonde dragged her hand down the side of her face. “You two are starting to get on my last nerve. You should never mistake pity for fear.”

Violet and Lena glanced at one another and locked eyes, considering their options in case the strange, older woman decided to attack. Webby would return momentarily, and three against one would give them just the right odds they needed.

Lena lifted herself an inch off the ground and her eyes started to glow again and she glared at Goldie, who stared down at her suspiciously for a minute until realization struck. Those eyes, though a different color, were unmistakable.

“I know who you remind me of!” Goldie said suddenly with her pointer finger in the air. “Your powers, your face...are you a De Spell by any chance?”

That did the trick. The shock of the accusation made Lena’s powers all but backfire and she tripped backwards, landing on her butt. Violet stepped back to help lift her back up.

“Are you alright, Lena?”

“I’m fine!” Lena sat up and shook her head angrily. “How did you-?”

“Magica and I had a few run-ins back in the 70’s,” Goldie said with a shrug. “You have her eyes, you know that? You look just like her.”

Violet glared at the older woman and Lena almost felt like curling in on herself, turning her head to look down at her feet sadly. She didn’t say anything and suddenly Goldie felt a weird, unfamiliar sensation. Almost like she’d said something wrong when she knew for a fact she’d only said a simple fact.

Still...the kid looked very unhappy. Clearly Magica was not someone she wanted to be related to.

Goldie sighed deeply and walked closer, crouching down to be more on their level. “Look, the average person wouldn’t notice something like that, alright? I’m sure you’re nothing like Magica. You’re pretty clearly more level headed than her. And not insane.”

She looked away from the girls, who were both staring up at her with their big eyes. “I’m assuming you’re not evil, either. Pink doesn’t seem like she’d be into that.”

Lena and Violet looked at each other, then back up at Goldie again.

“Did you just try to comfort me?”

Goldie rolled her eyes. “Don’t ruin the moment. I just did my one good deed for the year.”

Violet helped Lena stand back up. “If this is what counts as your one good deed, I shudder to imagine what you spend the rest of your time doing.”

“Good.”

Lena crossed her arms over her chest again, feeling more like herself than she did a second before. “Does Webby even know you’re here? Or Scrooge?”

“She does; he’d better not.” Goldie shrugged. “If he does, he’ll face my wrath for making me hunt him down. These little chases are supposed to be fun. Instead I’ve been babysitting brats all afternoon.”

“From what I understand, you and Mr. McDuck are...romantically inclined?” Violet asked with a hand under her beak. “Why not just tell him you’ve arrived so he can greet you properly? You have a cell phone in your pocket.”

Goldie smirked. “Now how would that be any fun?”

“Efficiency is always fun. Proper communication leads to accurately scheduled arrivals and your available time for intimate interaction could increase significantly, likely strengthening your relationship and leading to a healthier outlook of your lives together.” She looked at her sister who was making a disgusted expression. “What’s wrong?”

Lena and Goldie spoke at once. “Gross.”

They both blinked simultaneously and looked at each other. Violet brought a hand up to her beak to contain her chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Goldie scoffed and flipped her ponytail back over her shoulder while Lena blew a raspberry and sank down into the make-shift pillow seat she’d been working on earlier. Neither of them spoke but Violet could sense an odd change in the air.

“When did you speak to Webbigail? She was supposed to be getting us some snacks and it’s taken her longer than expected.”

Goldie shrugged again. “She stopped for a few minutes to bother me. I’m sure she’ll be back soon.”

“Back with questions for you, I’d bet,” Lena said and pointed behind her. “You’d probably have some great additions for the Mystery Board.”

Her curiosity was not going to get the better of her. “I don’t want to know what that means.” She moved towards the door and cracked it open to look out. No sign of the kid. No sign of anyone. Time to get back to looking for Scrooge.

Without a goodbye, she started through the door.

“Goldie?”

The blonde sighed and squeezed the door frame, turning her head to the side. “Yes?”

“Are you here to steal something?”

Goldie looked back at the girl who spoke and saw a genuinely curious expression under her dyed hair.

She sighed and turned back towards the hallway. “That’s not all I do.”

And she left, shutting the door behind her.

[xoxopandapanda]

Ma’am, Is This Your Dog

@inukag-week

Day five: AU 

(A/N: I was really having a hard time coming up with something, but I think this is a pretty okay idea. :P )

There was a dog in his apartment. He didn’t own a dog. 

And yet, there it was. Sitting on his couch in all of its white, fluffy glory, drooling out of excitement to see him. 

He lived on the 13th floor. How on earth did this dog get in here?

Inuyasha stared back into golden eyes that showed no signs of distress at being a location he wasn’t supposed to be. He took a step back, and looked at the door. Yep, that was his apartment number. He looked back at the dog. Nope, that wasn’t his dog. 

It wasn’t a small dog either. It was a very large, very fluffy, and very unexpected dog. If he had to take a guess at what kind of dog it was, then he would have to say an Akita Inu based off of the size and shape of it. 

But how did it get in here?! 

Inuyasha kept an eye on the dog, who besides smiling in the way dogs do and wagging his very large, very long, very unexpected tail around minimally. The dog clearly wasn’t too too excited to see him, but still showed some sort of joy at seeing a person. Inuyasha started to quickly inspect his apartment for damage. There was no sign of how the dog got in. And yet, he apparently had gotten in just fine.

This was the exact opposite of what Inuyasha needed. He had just come off of a 16 hour shift as a for-hire bodyguard/bouncer. It was a human event; some stupid yakuza had wanted something a little more than a human to guard it, but not wanted the risk of a full fledged demon who could be uncontrollable. 

While it wasn’t an ideal situation, considering the drugs that were there, it paid better than any job he had in a while and he needed the money for college. His half-brother certainly wasn’t going to put out any money for him.

Going to school part-time and working full-time meant that Inuyasha wasn’t really ever in his apartment besides to sleep. It was a single room with the bathroom attached, and that couch was where he slept.

But he couldn’t go to sleep because there was a very large, very hairy, very immobile dog sitting on it.

Couldn’t a guy just get some sleep?!

He started at the dog for a couple of minutes before realizing it had a collar on. Bingo! He could call the owner and get it out of here.

He approached the dog slowly, as he was unsure if it would make any sudden movements, and didn’t want to take any risks. The dog seemed very uninterested in him and had taken to scratching himself, releasing fur all over Inuyasha’s bed--couch. 

Reaching the almost mountainous dog, Inuyasha gently grabbed at his collar and felt for tags.

He almost shouted for joy when his hand grabbed them.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he took a good look at the tags. One was the dog’s vaccination records, and one was his name: “Namahage”.

Namahage. Mountain ogre. Oddly fitting, Inuyasha thought. 

He flipped the name tag around. “I’m not lost, just taking myself for a walk”.

It took Inuyasha a few moments before the words sunk in.

“I’m not lost, just taking myself for a walk.” 

“YES YOU ARE, YOU DUMB DOG. YOU ARE IN MY APARTMENT. YOU ARE LOST.” Inuyasha screamed out loud.

Namahage, the dog who seemed perfectly content right up until that moment, cocked his head and gave him a look that translated into ‘What’s your problem, buddy?”

“YOU, YOU ARE MY PROBLEM.”

“I know it’s been a while, Inuyasha, but I think I’ve been well behaved as of late.” Inuyasha whipped his head around to stare at the intruder to his apartment, still holding onto the dog’s collar.

“What do you want, Miroku?” Inuyasha growled, barely containing his rage.

“To know what the fuss is about.” Miroku walked through the doorway, and closed the door behind him. Inuyasha realized he forgot to close it when he came in. Damn dog distracting him. 

Miroku was the friend Inuyasha didn’t realize he had until one day he did. Miroku lived across the hall from Inuyasha, in just as tiny of an apartment, even though he was the head priest of a nearby temple. Inuyasha was a little suspicious that the reason Miroku kept a separate home from the temple had to do more with his wandering hand than anything else. But, Inuyasha didn’t want to know, so he didn’t ask.

Miroku finally got close enough to the see the dog fully. “Why hello there, Namahage! A little out of place, aren’t you?” The dog let out a little ‘boof’ in response and slobbered on Inuyasha’s hand.

“You know this damn thing?” 

“Of course, he’s the lovely Priestess Kagome’s companion! He loves to wander, though, hence his name tag. He goes home when he’s hungry, so she says she doesn’t worry since he must be full if he’s not home.”

“Well he’s a little lost to get into my apartment.” Inuyasha released the dog. At least he knew where to bring the ginormous thing. 

“You didn’t pick him up?” Miroku seemed confused at what was happening. He had assumed Inuyasha had found the dog, and, in some sort of comradery like way, brought the fluffy animal back to his apartment. 

“No, I came home and he was sitting on the couch like he owned the place!” Inuyasha animatedly waved his arms. “I can’t for the life of me figure out how he got in here or how my door was locked when I came in if he was in here!”

“Kagome-san taught him how to lock most deadbolts so that when he wanders home at night, he doesn’t leave things unlocked and at risk of being stolen or vandalized.  Namahage must have locked the door out of habit.”

Inuyasha stared at Miroku. This dog was taught to lock doors? What else? How to pick locks? 

He then decided he didn’t want to know. 

“So you know where the mutt lives. Good. Let’s bring him home.”

Miroku smirked. “Why? He’s just taking himself for a walk.”

Inuyasha fought the urge to punch his grinning face. “Because I want to go to bed and it’s time the walk ended.”

Kagome wasn’t surprised to see Namahage coming up the steps to her family shrine. She wasn’t even all that surprised to see Miroku with him, since Miroku often walked Namahage home. She was surprised to see the silver haired man with ears on top of his head.

“Welcome,” she bowed low, but keeping grip on her broom. “The Higarashi shrine welcomes you.”

“Your dog was in my apartment and I want to know how he got there.”

Miroku sighed. “What my friend means is that Namahage was unexpectedly in his home and we have come to bring him back.”

“No. I mean, how in the hell did your damn dog get into my apartment.” Inuyasha huffed and crossed his arms. He was significantly taller than this woman, and felt he could stand a good chance of getting answers out of her.

“Namahage comes and goes. I don’t really control him. He just eats and sleeps here. Most people around here think it’s good luck to have him in your home. He is a very sweet dog and only wants to see people.” Kagome smiled at the grumpy half demon, paying no attention to his tone. He wasn’t the first angry one, and he wouldn’t be the last.

“You don’t understand. There’s no way he could get into my apartment.”

Kagome looked at Namahage who had decided the conversation was too boring to be present in and went to lay down beneath the great tree.

“You’re right I don’t understand because I don’t try to understand Namahage. He brings only good will.”

Miroku added, “he probably felt a dog was present in that apartment and wanted to say hi.”

Inuyasha stiffened. He didn’t like to talk about his heritage, even though it stood out worse than a boil on the face. 

Kagome paid no mind to the sudden tension.

“If I had to guess, I think Namahage saw you on one of his walks, and thought you would be nice to visit. Unfortunately, once he knows how to get inside a place, he tends to do so very frequently until he is bored of it.” She turned and tried to smile as nicely as she could, but found only an awkward half-grin would come out. 

Inuyasha turned to leave with only a “keh”. Miroku sent her an apologetic smile and followed. 

Inuyasha was visited again by Namahage the very next day. He came home from his long shift out in the sun as a concrete-mixer operator in an affluent part of town. He was tired, gross, and humiliated. He had heard nearly every nasty thing whispered about him. He just wanted to lay down and pretend the world wasn’t such a cruel place.

He knew as soon as his door creaked open what was going to be sitting there.

This time, Namahage greeted him with a small ‘boof’ the same way he had Miroku before and a more wagging tail than before.

Inuyasha contemplated what to do. He thought about bringing him home, but then he would have to go out and look at humans. He decided he would let Namahage have the couch and just sleep on the floor.  

As he approached, the large, extraordinarily lanky dog got off the couch and sprawled out on the floor next to it.

Inuyasha planted face first into a fur covered couch and feel asleep to the sensation of Namahage gently licking his hand.  

When he woke, Namahage had gone, but this time he left the door unlocked.

“So he can’t pick locks,” Inuyasha murmured, before succumbing back to sleep.

It would be weeks before Inuyasha saw Namahage again. 

Inuyasha had picked up an odd job cleaning up garbage for a couple of weeks for menial pay. He was walking down the street next to a rather large shopping mall when he heard a commotion behind him.

Over the years, he had learned to keep his head down and guard up, so while he didn’t look to see what was causing the fuss, he kept aware of where it was happening.

Then he saw a massive, white puff ball dog waltz pass him like it was natural he was there. Then he heard people yelling and running after it.

Namahage had recognized him and stopped to give him kisses.

“Ma’am,” Inuyasha heard from behind him, “is this your dog? You aren’t supposed to bring pets to work.”

Inuyasha whipped around and stared at the man. Realizing the errors of his ways, the man backed up and left. Or maybe he was scared of the look the male half demon had given him.

Inuyasha gave it no more thought.

Namahage hadn’t even noticed.

“What are you doing? This is no place to be taking yourself on a walk.” Namahage continued to pepper his legs, hands, anywhere he could reach in kisses.

“Let’s get you home,” Inuyasha walked to put back his bin and stick, and began to make his way to the shrine. Namahage followed closely, happily walking behind and ‘boof’-ing at people he recognized.

Kagome wasn’t on the steps like before. Inuyasha realized that he hadn’t made it past them before and once he was at the top, he didn’t even know where to begin. Namahage didn’t go lay by the great tree like before, but decided to stay close to Inuyasha as he searched for Kagome.

Inuyasha also realized he couldn’t remember the priestess’s name. No point in calling out then, he thought to himself. He walked around the paths, and looked in every building until he came across her.

She was in the bottom of a well house, plucking at the weeds that had started to grow at the base. She was oblivious to his arrival and Inuyasha had a chance to admire her. She really was pretty, with her soft hair that shone a deep blue tone in the peeking sunlight and her delicate hands plucking softly at the vegetation but barely disturbing the dirt. 

He called out to her, like the man had to him. “Ma’am, is this your dog?”

Kagome’s head snapped up. She saw the silver haired man and her beloved companion’s head peaking over the edge of the well, little droplets of drool pouring out of his mouth. 

She made eye-contact to the man who was part dog demon. “Why, yes. Yes he is.” 

Inuyasha fought back a smile at her sincere answer.

“Oh good. I thought he was lost.”

Kagome stood up and began to climb out of the well. Before she could answer him he continued.

“But it turns out he was just taking himself for a walk.”

Kagome stood in front of the man. “Well,” she spoke carefully, not wanting to misread the man’s intentions, “shall we join him on his walk?”

Inuyasha held his arm out. “I think we shall.”

A/N I like this story line. Maybe I should make it a multichapter thing? I haven’t done that in a while.

If you want to know my inspiration for Namahage, it’s Wasao (a super cute Akita inu. He is on tumblr and I live for his pictures.)