#But I'm slowly moving on from this piece of media thank you very much for understanding

[absolutebl]

Hello, hello, Sensei! I figured other BL fans might benefit from this Q&A, so I'm posing this question on the public channels: in your reblog of my TharnType review, you mentioned watching Dew the Movie in a comment about being surprised about the developing kinds of BL that were coming out of Thailand in 2019. Could you expound a little more on that? I'm trying to get a sense of what Dew stands for by way of where it lives in the BL history books. I'm also aware that if it weren't for Bad Buddy, that this piece would have likely been Ohm Pawat's last appearance in queer media, and I want to keep that in mind before I watch it (which will be very soon). Dew will be the only movie on my Old GMMTV Challenge list, so I want to give it the understanding it deserves. THANK YOU, *FOR EVERYTHING*, SENSEI! <3

Dew the Movie

Not a review, more where it sits in Thailand's cinematic journey and how that correlates to queer cinema and its standard pattern of evolution.

I've always though of Dew as GMMTV's My Bromance. Not the same tropes but same tenor. Sweet Student Boy is another one. Or even Your Name Engraved Herein (although that is Taiwan and superior).

All quite heavy. Not much BL.

In Thailand this style started with Love of Siam. And I would put Present Perfect in there as impactful as well (very arthouse and complicated piece that made waves in the Thai queer film industry for many reasons not the least of which was political).

Most queer cinema enters the world with this kind of offering.

There is also a gay rep vis "character patterns in cinematic traditions" that everyone pretty much knows about in ET:

if there at all = kill the gay

if there at all = punch down humor (aka fear the gay so mock openly)

gay rep narratives green lit (usually arthouse) but in order to be taken seriously by critics and greater social structure are censored away from joy (gayness not permitted to be portrayed in a positive light) = queer characters exist but are not allowed to end up happy - these shows can win awards and critical acclaim (the Broke Back Mountain effect)

magical gay advice giver (queer serves only as a plot device to help the hets) - there's usually a make-over involved

1 major gay character (usually in comedy/romance) = tokenize the queer side (aka my gay bestie)

happy ending sanitized gay romances (or skinned romances where the gay characters act like hets - see seme/uke),

actual gay romances honest to the community/experience and peopled with multiple queer characters and life stages

Of course this is not a tidy progression, we can see Thai BL (stage 6) still grappling with 1-5, but also slowly moving into and having more and more of stage 7.

Actual queer narratives (of which romance would be a subset and tends to emerge later) like Dew stay quite dark, gritty, and chewy and usually spring up along side the mainstream depiction of gay characters - around the time that mainstream film decides to acknowledge gays exist at all (and immediately starts killing them).

They just get little to no attention because they are under funded, under marketed, and scary for mainstream viewers. Society isn't ready if these are made too soon in the 1-7 progression. Which is not to say the shouldn't be made! Just why they aren't popular in the zeitgeist.

Dew is part of the "yes but what about the real gays?" side (yet parallel) evolving tradition to BL (that is only now kind of getting integrated into BL). So, stage 3.

But also all stuff I watched North American arthouse grapple with extensively in the 90s and seemed to all follow EXACTLY the same non-romantic narrative path. Therefore it feels like I've seen it a million times.

I'm personally exhausted by this kind of "picking at gay pain" queer content. I don't need to see it anymore. I got into BL because it was materially different and all ways from what happened over here in Hollywood. We never got THIS level of stage 6 and it's fascinating that Asia is lingering in it for so long.

Back to Dew...

Wistful gay?

What might have been...

Something like that?

These shows grapple with identity and expression and out-ness and courage.

It's sad and depressing.

That's about all I remember of it because it was so much like so much of what I had already seen in queer cinema. Perhaps special for the Thai queer film world, but not special for me.

Although I do remember thinking Ohm was great in it.

In the end I think Dew was GMMTV picking up and experimenting with the more universal tradition of exploring (and exploiting for drama) gay pain. It's not really a romance in the modern sense of the term... and I prefer romance.

(source)

[theemeraldforesthideout]

Once I cross into 2025, it will feel like my life prior to May this year will properly be in the past. And so I wanted to post about what it was like back then. I don't want it to be negative, though, even though I feel like I've lost a lot this year. I'm thankful for all those woodland nights, all those dates with the moon, the moon gatherings I attended, the people I met and became friends with at the European residential centre which came to an end due to brexit was nestled in the woods around there, and all the deep conversations I had with random people visiting nearby sacred sites. For example, one summer's evening, by chance, I met a girl, who was a performing arts therapist, and her boyfriend. They had me playing a game with them, which I assumed was a kind of, sample, of what she teaches. It ended in us all acting out an animal of our choosing. Cue me stood in the woods with two strangers that felt like long-term friends, making the most bizarre animal noises. I can't actually believe some of the things that I ended up involved with in those woods. One night I was at the ancient hillfort and I ended up watching an impromtu celtic drum ritual. Then there was the anarchist eco-punks (that's what it said on their plant rack) that set up a village below said hill fort - they were really nice people, too. So welcoming - not like nearly all of my experiences with people in "real life" (by which I mean, you know, my not-woods-life) prior to that, where constant competition and egos the size-of-planets reigned supreme. It's not overselling it to say I had a bit of parallel life out there - escaping the void into a micro-universe of alternative beings and alternative feelings. The Celts had flocked to the area in the ancient past, and after that, the Romans built shrines in the area. In modern times, the residential centre pulled in people from across the continent, as well a people of alternative lifestyles from far and wide. I realise I was incredibly fortunate to have ended up in a place where all of this was going on, especially in the context of my wider story and upbringing. I guess the universe did let me exist on occasion.

But no longer. And not just because I moved away. Many things from that pocket universe slowly started to end, way before I left. I would say 2023 was the beginning of the end. The temp village was gone by October last year, the centre was now fully private and all the lovely people from across Europe were no longer in residence. The sacred sites had blown up big time on social media thanks to influencers that were, at that point, scouring every inch of the land for their next big reel hit, and so people started visiting en masse. But those people weren't like those from before - they weren't quirky and open-minded and loving. They were less tumblr and more instagram, and instead brought a very different set of values with them. The "outside" world had caught up with me again. And so the micro-universe that had acted as a crucial crutch for me, piece by piece, fell apart. In a way... we ended simultaneously.

The last time I met someone closer in mind, to those from before, was in March this year. A rare outlier of what was. I was coming back from the deeper woods, crossed through a small valley to where people collect water from a spring. There were four people there - two couples, and one of the girls set eyes on me and just out right said "oh hello fairy!" and she was like "...you're a fairy right?" and I was like "oh yes, very much so :D" and then I had a little conversation with them all. It made me happy that such a scenario could happen like that, but at the same time... I knew in a few months time, I wouldn't have moments like that again. It's a nice final memory. Anyway, this post is frigging humongous.

[braveclementine]

The Beheading of Thanos

Warnings: None

Copyright: I do not own any Marvel characters or locations. However, I do own my OC Elizabeth Lightwood. I do not condone any copying of this.

The blue girls name was Nebula and she wasn't really bad company. He had made paper footballs out of the tinfoil that they had on the ship and was teaching her to play. She was slightly defensive, probably her assassin motions kicking in whenever he flicked the foil at her. But slowly, she was getting the hang of it.

He was up now, flicking the foil at her. Even though her fingers were originally placed together as they were supposed to for the goal, she reached up, making an angry noise, almost trying to catch it in midair.

"You don't need to do that." Tony said, a smile on his face. "Because uh, you're just holding the position." He said, putting his fingers together as well to demonstrate.

He let her practice flicking the foil until it landed after his fingers, "That's a goal. We are now one a piece." He said.

She sat up, almost looking excited. He hadn't seen her smile yet, he wasn't even sure it was in her programming. But her voice was soft as she said, "I would like to try again."

They went back and forth and then Tony announced, "We're tied up." He saw the smallest glimmers of a smile on her face. So she could smile, she just didn't. He flicked it poorly on purpose and said, "That was terrible, now you have a chance to win."

Her next flick was beautiful with its arch and it scored the goal. "And you've won." He announced. "Congratulations. Fair game." He stuck his hand out and after a moment of hesitation, she shook it. "Good sport. You have fun?"

She blinked and then answered, "It was fun."

But, there would come a time when the fun and games had to end and Tony had to make a death message. The ship was coming apart, running out of air and he wasn't going to survive much longer. He had to let Y/N and his children know. . . if they were still alive.

Tony tapped the helmet lightly. "This thing on?" He saw the blue come out, scanning his body. "Hey Mrs. Stark. . . Y/N. . . Pumpkin. . . If you find this recording, don't post it on social media. It's gonna be a real tear-jerker. I don't know if you're ever going to see these. I don't even know if you're. . . if you're still. . . Oh god, I hope so. Today is day 21, uh 22."

Tony stared out the window. The space looked beautiful, this turquoise blue green sort've space going on. Absolutely gorgeous. He wondered if this colour was where Elizabeth drew her magic from. If she could even choose her colour.

"You know, if it wasn't for the existential terror of staring into a void of space, I'd say I'm feeling better today. The infection's run its course, Thanks to the blue meanie back there. You'd love her. Very practical. Only a tiny bit sadistic. Some fuel cells were cracked during battle, but we figured out a way to reverse the ion charge to buy ourselves about 48 hours of time. But it's now dead in the water. We're 1000 light years from the nearest 7-11. Oxygen will run out tomorrow. And that'll be it. And Y/N, I. . . I know I said no more surprises, but I was really hoping to pull off one last one. But it looks like. . . well you know what it looks like. Don't feel bad about this. I mean, if you grovel for a couple of weeks, and then move on with enormous guilt. I should probably lie down. Please know that. . . when I drift off, I will think about you. Because it's always you. Tell Arlo and Everleigh I love them."

He had to cut the recording off then before the tears started to flow, because if he went any further, he'd cry. And he didn't want any of them to see him cry. Not as a last memory.

Tony laid down right there. He could feel that the oxygen was getting tight and he wanted to get to sleep. If he could pass away in his sleep, then he could die dreaming of Y/N. And all he wanted in his mind was Y/N.

He felt Nebula carry him as he started to drift, placing him upright in some sort of chair. Her footsteps faded as she walked away. He was almost certain she would be okay. She might be able to go without breathing for all he knew.

He felt the brightest light against his eyelids and he actually flinched. His eyes fluttered open, trying to see what the yellow light was emitting from. It was so sudden, so bright.

He was pretty sure he was hallucinating when he saw the woman with long blond hair floating there. She even smiled at him. And that was when he blacked out.

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Elizabeth gently ran the razor under the water and Steve held still as she finished shaving off the last bits of his beard. She carefully wiped his face with a washcloth, her hands steady in every motion.

Steve wasn't even sure how she was this calm. But he supposed she had exhausted herself from crying for the past two hours. Her eyes were still a little red rimmed as well and she hadn't spoken a word yet.

They'd come back to the Avengers Compound after three weeks in Wakanda. He had been looking forwards to meeting all of her kids. . . but Everleigh was the only one left. All five of Elizabeth's children and Y/N's son Arlo were all gone, according to Rhodey's panicking soulmate.

He had to catch Elizabeth as she fainted. He wasn't surprised. Her magic reserves completely depleted, plus the stress of losing everyone had finally caught up to her.

But she was here now, helping him. Having walked in when he was going to do it. She hadn't said a word, only sitting up on the counter, shaving him with care.

Steve sighed, "Thank you." He murmured as she put the towel away. She silently reached up, running her hands through his longer hair, which he'd gelled back.

Suddenly, the ground started to rumble, the mirrors shaking. Steve glanced at Elizabeth's face, hating the terror that was immediately there. He quickly scooped her up off the bathroom counter, hurrying from the bathroom. He placed her on her feet and they ran outside, joined by Rhodey, Natasha, and Bruce.

It was a huge spaceship, being set down by a flying, glowing woman.

Steve ran forwards as some woman that was blue led Stark down the stairs. Steve raced forward to help out.

"Couldn't stop him." Were Tony's first words.

"Neither could I." Steve responded.

"I- I- I lost the kid." Tony breathed out, looking at Steve. Steve assumed he was talking about the spider kid that he was fond of.

"Tony. . . we lost." Steve answered.

"Is uh. . ." Tony couldn't find the words.

"Y/N. . . she. . . she didn't make it. Dust like the others." Steve said, wishing there was an easier way. "Arlo, Elizabeth's five kids are all gone too. But Everleig-"

"DADDY!" Everleigh cried, running across the grass. Tony kneeled in the grass, holding his arms open so that his daughter could run into them.

Tony finally got to his feet, leading his daughter inside. Steve took one last look around. Rocket had been staying with them, and now went over to sit next to the blue lady. He put a small paw on the back of her hand, which she turned upwards to hold. They too, had lost everyone.

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"It's been Twenty-three days since Thanos last came to Earth." Rhodey informed them. Steve was trying to avoid looking at the photos that were popping up on the holographs. Bucky's photo was up there at the moment along with Sams' soulmate- Stephen.

Then the faces would change, showing Selvig who had been friends with Thor, had worked under Tony's staff administration and Sam himself. Hope and Wanda. Hank Pym who was Hopes' father, and Scott Lang who Steve had fought beside.

"World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census. And it looks like he did. . . he did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent, of all living creatures." Natasha informed Tony.

Peter Parker.

Shuri.

T'Challa.

Nick Fury. Steve saw that the woman, whose name was Carol, looked pained upon seeing Nicks' face on the camera.

"Where is he now? Where?" Tony asked angrily. He was in a wheel chair, hooked up to an IV.

"We don't know." Steve hated to inform him. "He just opened a portal and walked through."

"What's wrong with him?" Tony asked, pointing at Thor, who was wearing a hoodie, sitting away from everyone else, even Bruce.

"Oh, he's pissed. He thinks he failed. Which of course he did, but you know there's a lot of that's going around, ain't there?" Rocket replied.

"Honestly, until this exact second, I literally thought you were a Build-A-Bear." Tony responded.

"Maybe I am." Rocket retorted.

"We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep Space scans, and satellites, and we got nothing. Tony, you fought him." Steve said.

"Who told you that?" Tony asked, feigning surprise, " I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the stone. That's what happened. There was no fight."

"Tony. . ." Elizabeth whispered.

"Okay." Steve placated.

"He's unbeatable." Tony continued.

"Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?" Steve asked.

But Tony wasn't in the mood to answer coherent questions. "Pfft! I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision. I didn't wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming."

"Tony, I'm gonna need you to focus." Steve said firmly.

"And I needed you. As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late buddy. Sorry. You know what I need?" Tony stood up, wiping everything off the table. Everyone in the room winced at the crash. "I need to shave. And I believe I remember telling all youse -" He pulled out his IV.

"Tony, Tony, Tony." Rhodey said quickly, trying to stop him.

"Alive and otherwise what we needed was a suit of armor around the world! Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not- that's what we needed!"

"Well, that didn't work out, did it?" Steve asked calmly.

"I said, "we'd lose". You said, "We'll do that together too." And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We're the Avengers. Not the Prevengers." Rhodey grabbed Tony as he started to wobble on his feet, not steady.

"Okay." Rhodey said.

"Right?" Tony asked.

"You made your point. Just sit down." Rhodey said, trying to get Tony to sit back down in the wheelchair.

"Nah, nah. Here's my point. You know what?" Tony said, trying to push past Rhodey.

"Tony, you're sick." Rhodey protested.

Tony pointed at Carol, "She's great, by the way."

"Sit. Sit down." Rhodey said.

"We need you. You're new blood. Bunch of tired old mules!" Tony walked up to Steve, hissing in his face. "I got nothing for you, Cap! I got no coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust. Liar." Steve almost flinched and then Tony ripped his arc reactor from his chest and shoved it into Steve's hand, "Here, take this. You find him, and you put that on. You hide."

And then Tony collapsed to the floor, both Steve and Rhodey rushing to help him. "I'm fine!" Tony protested. "I-" He fell to the ground unconscious.

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Elizabeth sat on the couch, curled up as Nebula spoke, "Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. And when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I'd ask 'where would we go once his plan was complete?'. His answer was always the same: 'To the Garden.'"

"That's cute, Thanos has a retirement plan." Rhodey replied.

"So where is he?" Steve asked.

Elizabeth wasn't sure if she liked Steve's hair with the way it was. She'd met him when it was short and bristly, more golden. And she absolutely hated change of any kind. But the new long hair was sort've fluffy and it felt good between her fingers.

Not that it mattered anyways, but it was something to distract her from everything else.

"When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions. No one's ever seen anything like it. . . Until two days ago." Rocket said. "On this planet." The holograph that he was showing showed them what he was saying. It was. . . cool to see the hologram.

"Thanos is there." Nebula whispered.

"He used the stones again." Natasha said.

"Hey, hey, hey. We'd be going in short-handed, you know." Bruce pointed out. He looked a little upset and Elizabeth noticed that Thor wasn't near him, sitting at the table with a beer and eating food.

"Look, he's still got the stones, so. . ." Rhodey said slowly.

"So let's get him. . . Use them to bring everyone back." Carol said simply.

"Just like that?" Rhodey asked skeptically.

"Yeah, just like that." Steve said.

It wouldn't bring Loki back. Or Hogun or Heimdall or Fandral. Her family was gone. But. . . she could get her children back at the very least. Her five beautiful babies. And. . . it wasn't like Loki was completely gone, was he? He'd died in battle. He was in Valhalla now. If she died in battle. . .

And besides, her sons looked so much like their father.

"Even if there's a small chance that we can undo this. . . I mean we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try." Natasha said.

"If we do this, how do we know it's gonna end any differently than it did before?" Bruce asked the million dollar question.

"Because before, you didn't have me." Carol said and Elizabeth rolled her eyes. She recognized the name though. Fury had said something about her. . . she was Fury's soulmate. Fury was gone, of course the girl was going to try and get him back.

"Hey, new girl, everyone here is about that superhero life. And if you don't mind my asking, where the hell have you been all this time?" Rhodey responded.

"There are a lot of other planets in the universe. And unfortunately, they didn't have you guys." Carol retorted.

Thor stood up suddenly, walking over to the girl, holding his hand out. Stormbreaker flew into his hand, missing her only by inches. But she didn't flinch, smiling instead.

Thor smiled back a little, "I like this one."

"Let's go get this son of a bitch."

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They got onto the spaceship with Rocket piloting. Steve wasn't entirely sure how he felt about that.

There weren't enough seats for everyone. Rocket and Carol in the pilot and copilot seats. He was sitting in one along with Nat, Rhodey, and Thor. Nebula and Bruce were sitting in chairs by the computers. Elizabeth was standing by Steve's chair, raising a hand to grab the handle above her like she was on a bus.

"Okay," The raccoon said, turning in his chair, "Who here hasn't been to space?"

Steve, Nat, and Rhodey all raised their hands. Carol laughed as Rhodey whisper asked, "Why?"

"You better not throw up on my ship."

"Approaching jump in 3. . . 2. . . 1!" Nebula recited off.

Steve felt himself brace against the chair and he couldn't stand it. He wrapped an arm around Elizabeth's waist, pulling her tightly to him as the ship jumped at the speed of light. It was a good thing too, the strong jolt that he felt would've lifted her off her feet.

He couldn't close his eyes, looking out through the dashboard to see the beautiful space in front of him.

"I'll head down for recon." He heard Carol say. He loosened his grip on Elizabeth and saw she was looking him, her head resting on his shoulder a little.

"Sorry, I freaked." He whispered.

She didn't answer on that, simply saying, "You know, I think I like the long hair. But I'm still not sure."

"You hate change, I forgot." He smiled a little.

"Yeah but on you. . . well it's not so bad. At least the beard is gone, I was having a hard time with that." She smiled a bit, then looked out the window. She suddenly froze and looked at him and said in a panicked whisper, "Not that my opinion means anything or that you should change yourself based on my opinion because obviously it's not my choice, I was only commenting on it because-"

He put a finger to her lips. "You're fine. I like the feedback."

She blushed, getting off his lap, moving up towards Rocket. Steve sighed, standing. He felt for the compass in his pocket, taking it out and looking at it. Peggy's picture was in there. Sometimes he wondered why he'd done that. Instead of Buckys'.

Suddenly, he heard Nats' voice in his ear, "This is gonna work Steve."

He wondered if she had seen Peggys' picture too and was wondering why it wasn't Bucky.

"I know it will." Steve responded. He looked over at Natasha, " Cause I don't know what I'm going to do if it doesn't."

"No satellites, no ships, no armies, no ground defenses of any kind. It's just him." Carol reported back, floating outside of the window.

"And that's enough." Nebula replied.

The ship came flying down and Elizabeth moved back to Steve's side. "Have you seen it?" She asked softly. "It's beautiful."

It was. It was a gorgeous planet and he looked over at Elizabeth. He hoped that she fell in love with him. He and Bucky had already talked about how when she was ready, maybe they'd ask her to a relationship with them. Combine their soulmate bonds with each other. His heart yearned for it so badly, and in these small moments, he yearned for it more.

He should take her to the beach. Bahamas or something.

Carol, Rhodey, and the Hulk went in first, Bruce in the Hulk Buster as he went down into the ground. Elizabeth picked up a fruit as they walked past, staring at it in awe, before tucking it into her pocket.

He, Nat, and Elizabeth walked through the door at the moment, seeing Thanos completely restrained. His hand and the gauntlet laid on the floor from where Thor had cut it off with Stormbreaker.

"Oh no." He heard Rocket whisper and he looked down to see that there were no stones in the glove.

Steve felt his heart pounding in his chest, "Where are they?"

Carol tightened her arm tighter around Thanos' neck, "Answer the question."

"The universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose, beyond temptation." Thanos breathed out.

"You murdered trillions!" Bruce said angrily, the Hulk Buster suit shoving Thanos to the ground.

"You should be grateful." Thanos growled.

Bruce punched him in the face.

"Where are the Stones?" Natasha asked again.

"Gone. Reduced to atoms." Thanos replied.

"You used them two days ago!" Bruce argued.

"I used the stones to destroy the stones. It nearly killed me. But the work is done. It always will be. I am... inevitable."

"You are. . . a bastard." Elizabeth fumed. "You killed, my soulmate." She stepped closer with every word. "And then, you took all five of my children from me."

"We have to tear this place apart, he-he-he has to be lying." Rhodey protested.

" My father is many things. A liar is not one of them." Nebula said softly.

" Ah, thank you, daughter." Thanos said, looking at Nebula, who looked down, "Perhaps I treated you too harshly."

Suddenly, Thor let out a yell, slicing Thanos head off. His blood splattered against Nebulas face and covered Elizabeth who took two steps back, raising her hands.

"What. . . What did you do?" Rocket asked.

"I went for the head."

[spacerockwriting]

Weekly tag wednesday!

Thank you Sky @skylerwinchester @dynamic-power @energievie @stocious

which character from any media would you like to have as a father?

I don't know??? Ya spacerock's got daddy issues.

if money, laws, time, and effort were no object, what animal would you want to have?

Giraffes! They're so derp I love them.

what is your Chinese takeout order?

Idk, i don't eat much chinese food. Like, hardly ever. I mostly just eat the fortune cookies they have there.

what's your favourite emoji? Uhh, I'm loving all the ones from the gallafic club.

would you rather have a library, greenhouse, or home theater in your house?

Home theater. Film major here. Love that idea. Also, we just ironically got a green house yesterday for my dads tree obsession.

what childhood tv show do you think of the most fondly?

Hmmm. Rugrats maybe? Had a shit ton of rugrats dolls and a rugrats birthday party. Rugrats or Blues Clues probably.

what was your tumblr like when you first joined?

I've been a tumblerina for a while now. Since 11? Then in college I moved to an RP blog, with my main, and a LarryStylinson blog. Had that until mid2013 when Lance and I went to a different South Park RP, along with my main &Larry. Once we broke into Indie RP I created a few more South Park RP blogs, then once Lance passed I slowly stopped using the RP account we associated with each other. Made my HP RP in 2014 after SP shit was getting too cliquey, then just kind of sidebloged all my blogs from there for being lazy. Reattempts at SP RP had attempts, but nothing beats 2013 so -shrug- Nothing will ever beat 2012-13 where the community was there, Gallaclub is the only thing coming close <3

what clothing style do you love but don't feel compelled to replicate yourself? Super dressy maybe? I do my best to wear whatever the fuck I want but I'm just, suits and shit aren't gonna be a thing I think. Except like, my wedding if that were to happen.

if you were plopped into a fictional world, which one would you know the layout of the best?

Maybe South Park? Hogwarts, too, but lbr fuck JK.

what is your favourite piece of art?

Like ART ART? I like Van Gouh's starry night. My mom went to the interactive exhibit and I love that. (She's also got some starry night socks and stuff. Plus she had a shirt with a van on it that said van go.) I also like Andy Warhol's stuff? Also love seeing greek statues but forever anxious I'm gonna be a clumsy spacerock and knock them over.

do you have a water bottle? what does it look like?

I've got a cup i bring to work that's Disney 100 and it changes color from blue to purple in the cold. It usually has mountain dew in it. Also I have a REAL waterbottle and its got Shibas on it and counts the level of water to 2 liters. But I hoard cups, always getting souvieneer cups bc im that person.

what fanfic trope is a quiet fave?

Found family is a quiet fav, and sometimes fluff. But mostly I want angst, I want plot.

do you carry a daily bag? what does it look like? what's the weirdest thing in it?

So I carry a bag for work, which has headphones, wallet, work badge, phone, some tangles, squishy giraffe, pens, 2 books: one notebook thing and Heartstopper Volume 4 is in it, and random junk that really needs to be removed lol. Outside of work I just wallet phone the end.

if you had to ship Mickey with another Gallagher, who would it be?

Hmmm maybe Lip? Or Carl would be funny too, but the Lip and Mickey enemes would be funny.

what is a fanfic trope you didn't expect to like and then very much did?

Hmmm. I dunno. AU's maybe?

Do you think s11 Mickey can still carry s11 Ian?

Yeah, if he tries to|has too. But it's very awkward and Ian gets a kick out of him trying.

who got custody of the killing bat when they sold the house?

The OG? Probably Carl. But they all get a killing bat as a housewarming gift for the nostalia. Every house gets a Gallagher killing bat, even Fiona's house in Florida.

I'm a day late so tagging everyone else.

[coffee-in-veins]

As someone who (very casually) enjoys Eldin Ring, I am very curious what you think

thank you for the ask! ^^ that was quick xD

well, then, i hope you won't be upset about what i have to say about it. i genuinely love it from worldbuilding perspective and it looks cool and thrilling more often than not. other things, though...

for the context, i did my best to like it for like casual 80 hours or so, playing very slowly, very cautiously, and probably very inefficiently, because i would often just chill at the location, so those hours mean almost nothing. i managed to kill the grafted guy, the moon lady, got to meet Ranni (god i remember at least one name from it all without cheating!) and got to the point where i was supposed to get into the autumn plateau which name i won't remember even if you torture me.

and this is my first gripe with the game. this one is more of a personal struggle, so take it with a grain of salt. i struggle quite a lot with remembering names, both irl and in media. i remember visuals, i remember voices, i remember plots. but names? beats me. hell, i only remembered Dis and Rey after like half a year of a deep dive into DD, if it gives you any perspective.

with that explanation out of the way, comes the gripe itself: most of the time, i was completely, utterly and hopelessly lost who were those people, whom they wanted killed and where they wanted me to go. my quests would go something like this:

"Go fight General Radahn!" someone said. I think I saw their helmet, twice, and I remember they are a blacksmith. probably. i remember the voice tho. they are genuinely nice to me, so i'd probably do it.

however, not a single braincell rumbled in that head of Tarnished of mine as i sat in front the screen and looked at them blankly: "Who?"

but the NPC already continued: "They are in Caelid!"

not a drop of recognition. "Where?" okay, i sit and think frantically, i have a map, maybe it has parts named, maybe i won't have to wander for half an hour before giving up and going to the wiki again...? no? well, fuck, maybe some locations are named? right! locations. jackpot, some have 'caelid' in them. ah, the red poison swamp! dude, why didn't you say so? on my way!

me, meeting Radahn: aaahhh, that big dude on a tiny horse! sure! from the promo! wait, who asked to kill him again? and why?

and that was every time. there are dozens of names and places and they all are deeply connected and you somehow are expected to keep it all in your head or make notes on a piece of paper, idk. call me whiny, or call it an aesthetic (put a pin into that, we will return to it later), but wouldn't it be convenient to have something like bestiary that Witcher 3 had, with a tab for people you met or heard about? nothing too concrete, hell, this series is know for being frugal with explanations but... like, something, so i don't have to keep wiki constantly open and ready to alt tab to understand who am i talking to and who are they talking about.

and while we're talking about dialogues, BG3 made me understand how much i need a tab where i can re-read recent dialogues. if not to understand things better with all the ye old-english-y words some of us filthy non-eng speakers have no idea even exist, then to see how those names are spelled so we can search them in wikis later.

and have you noticed a thing which is going like a red string through all of my writing? wiki. hell, i'm writing all of the above using wiki because i still don't remember how those people are called. you get used to it just to know who's who. wanna laugh at me? because i was so stressed out by the first bosses, i completely blacked out at the first boss, only seeing vague shapes, and i genuinely thought that Godrick and Morgott were the same guy for the longest time because i was stressed out, didn't have enough time to look at them and was frantically thinking of moves and skills instead of actually watching the cutscene with proper attention. it didn't help that they both spoke with similar tones and in a ye old-english-y way, and were in the same location. so yeah, you can imagine my confusion during the game later on...

there's one thing, though. constantly checking names in wiki makes you feel like it's fine to check other things too. and, Io and behold, before you know it, you're just tired and grumpy and look up where the hell are things you need, quests you missed, resource nodes... and suddenly, the best part of the game (exploration) is gradually chipped away, without you even noticing.

i mean, i had to look up how the horse is called and I love Torrent to bits, even if he is as responsive to controls as a DD2 bangwagon that was put on two very greasy, very non-cooperative pigs on skis. which is another gripe of mine, but the poor guy is so abandoned in the second half of the game, that it's genuinely depressing.

which brings us to my second most gripe in the game: menus. remember that aesthetic pin? let's get it out. menus are a genuine pain in the ass to navigate, they don't respond to mouse (oh, we're gonna return to that. oh, we're gonna...), and for the first thirty or so HOURS i wasn't aware there were other tabs in the inventory. genuinely. i simply wasn't aware. i hovered the mouse on tabs, they weren't scrolling, and knowing that this is primary console game, i didn't pay much attention to the keys besides those, assuming (rightfully, as i thought) that those were for consoles to switch tabs. forgive me for my 'pc master race' mentality, but i'm not used to things in the menu not being responsive to the mouse. so some of the quest items you see in there somewhere? any tab after keys? nope, i didn't know they existed.

remember painting quests? i loved those. but also i had no fucking idea you carried a copy somewhere in the bowels of the inventory tab. thus, like the moron i was, i would come to them, make a photo of my screen on my phone, and try to go around, keeping the photo up on my phone as a reference. or go back to the actual in world painting to check. my frustration was immeasurable and my pain was immense. or maybe you wanna find the weapon you just looted and see if it is of any use? pff, good luck, hope you remembered its name or how it looked, or didn't have anything in your inventory, else get ready to go through a warehouse of other gear you carry. not to mention that sorting on those is extremely non-intuitive. why are lantern and looking glass and prattling pates in one section but wraith calling bell and mimic veil have separate ones? why is horse whistle with flasks and flasks 2.0? why are memory of grace with the flasks and horse whistle? am i missing something?? genuine question.

quick side note while we’re at the topic of prattling pates, should i even mention how notoriously convoluted the better ending for my sweet boy Boc is…?

not to mention that 'Switch display' option is very... unexplained, to say politely. it turns out you can see how many runes exactly is Golden Rune [7] - if you switch the view. because having explanation of 'use to gain many runes' on one screen totally gives you a hint that it would say 'use to gain 2500 runes' in another.

i mean i get it. the series has a reputation. it is dark souls 4, 5 and 6 with a new coat of pain (or maybe paint), it has to be hard, you gotta 'git good', you have to fight for every sliver of lore and then listen to 12 hours of youtube explanations anyway just to have a semblance of understanding what's going on. but - and this is an important but - there's a difference between working for the lore and being unable to understand what the hell you looted and not being aware you can actually know how rune [6] 'many' differs from rune [9] 'many' without trying to go and use it and make a table with those orrrr - say it with me! have the wiki opened.

also the fact that nowhere does it say that spirit ashes can be summoned only in specific areas AND you need a bell you need to get later on somehow bumbling into Ranni is simply false marketing. i took twin imps as my trinket and boy ho boy, lemme tell you someone was pissed for the first hour of the game...

which brings me to creme de la creme of my gripes. the controls. pc port is... well it exists, and i still haven't recovered from that. it makes you extremely aware from the word go that you're not the target demographic. that you're unwelcome here. that no one looked at it and thought: huh, we have battles where we expect Tarnished to get on and off Torrent mid-fight, so how shitty of us would it be if we make Torrent summon be "F + [arrow up]" for keyboards? you know, so the player would have to get their hand off the mouse. mid-battle. naaah, that would work just fine, ship that bad boi as is! oh, and make it non-mappable too. they have keyboard with 75% keys being unused? who cares! it mirrors gamepad, and that is what truly matters.

i said it once when a pal of mine let me use his acc and try Dark Souls. i think it was the third one...? well, my experience was - 'i'm not fighting the monsters, i'm fighting the game'. and it's pretty much the same for Elden Ring. did you know there's a power off hand attack? i didn't. did you know there's a way of switching your weapon to hold it in two hands? i didn't did you know you can make it on the fly? i sure as hell didn't. did you know your RH attack is bound to your LMC and it fucks your brain when you play because here it plays role and you can fuckup by using weapons in 'wrong' hands? yeah, that i experienced a plenty.

do you know how i know all those? i plugged in a gamepad and oh god all of the mapping makes so much goddamn sense! i had to reverse-map things because i only played FF9 with a controller, and was extremely uncomfortable with it in a non-turn-based game. which left a taste of bile in my mouth.

loading times are awesome thought. i dunno how they achieved that, but that's hella impressive for a game this big.

i ended up liking the world. vistas. lore that people dig into. but this game isn't for me. not because i'm not interested but because i have a setup they clearly don't care about. and it's okay, i guess. but i have too little free time to spend it fighting not the monsters the game sets in front of me as a challenge but the game itself

hope it wasn't too convoluted ^^'

and thanks again for the ask! :}

[jarofloosescrews]

Hi!!! I have seen your TFP art at times and absolutely adore the colors and utter skill you have with drawing the mechs. I am curious, as I've slowly started to step into getting commissioned art from artists, how do your commissions work?

Are they solely physical/traditional? If so, do you have examples between watercolor and the alcohol markers? I can't tell from your commission page which is which from the Bumblebee, Predaking and Wheeljack examples.

Also, with shipping of physical, how large is your canvas, or does that depend on pose/character?

If you have an option for digital solely, is that cheaper than physical or the same price? And generally how long does a physical commission take you to complete - as well as what are your stages you show to the commissioner (as in sketch stage, lined stage, finished)?

Are there any TFP mechs you won't draw? (I am most interested in a Breakdown or Dreadwing one, if I potentially commissioned you).

Thank you and apologies for the many questions, I am a person who prefers clear instructions/explanations before I delve into spending money but your art and my returning TFP love is making me curious about the potential of commissioning art off someone. Again, thank you!

Hey there, I'll try my best to answer eveything:

"Are they solely traditional?" The commissions I'm offering for TFN pickup are, yes. But I do offer digital commissions, also, which you can find here.

I'm aiming to get a better ref sheet up very soon, I'll make a note to make it clear which is watercolor and which is marker and my other media examples. But from that traditional commission page, all are markers except TFA Sentinel. I'm quite happy for people to point to artwork of mine and go 'what's that? I want that style/coloring', since I have so many variations, but lemme link a few more examples of my watercolor work:

A5 head shot of TFP Breakdown | A5 head shot of TFP Arcee | A4+ sized head shot of IDW Prowl | A4+ sized full body of IDW Ironhide | A4 bust profile of TFA Bumblebee

"...how large is your canvas, or does that depend on pose/character?": Depending on how much of the character is wanted, yeah it does depend. I won't draw a full bodied character on an A5 size, it's too small for all good details. Full bodied poses are for A4 sizes and up, but I can draw head shots on all sizes. In regards to shipping, I have shipped A3 size with no problem, flat and reinforced, but sadly the post office likes to cash in on that size, so it can be pricey.

"If you have an option for digital solely, is that cheaper than physical or the same price?": Technically my traditional artwork should be more than my digital, as I have to factor in consumable materials. But a few of my traditional prices are are the same as my digital ones. For me, personally, it all came down to trial and error, I just didn't have any takers when I last put my traditional prices up, sadly. And I'm in a position where some money is better than no money right now. Also, 90% of my commissioners/shop buyers have been/are from the USA, and I'm in the UK. The additional postage cost doesn't help, I guess.

As for how long a traditional piece can take, it really depends. If it's a character I'm very familiar with, I can probably finish within a day or two (rarely a day, though, unless I have the time to spend many hours in a single go). Some pieces take several days, if I have trouble with a pose, and I have to draw it several times to get it right. Depending on posing and how many characters, too.

I show the commissioner the sketch stage, and sometimes it's a really rough sketch just to show composition or pose. If it's a rough sketch, I'll then neaten it up and show again, and if they're happy I'll move to the lineart, show them again, and then move to final colors. I like to give commissions a good chance to ask for edits, but there are some who take advantage and keep asking for changes, so after, say 4 edits, depending if they're big/time consuming, I will charge for further edits.

"Are there any TFP mechs you won't draw?": I don't think there are any characters I won't draw, not in the TF fandom, anyway. I would definitely love to give Dreadwing a go 0.0

I hope that answered your questions! If you would like to know anything else please do ask, or for any other artwork examples, since my examples page is still in the making and the current one is a bit limited.

[gojuo]

Pass the happy! 🌻🌈 When you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications!

honestly I really do love my green mutuals like I left the got fandom back in 2014 after s04 stopped airing (bc no lady stoneheart + arianne martell + white ppl casting for dorne + overall divergence from the source material which is something I always distain) and slowly stopped caring abt asoiaf bc of no book content in so long so I just moved on, quietly waiting on twow and staying in my dorne-exclusive corner of the fandom but sadly I really do love asoiaf so regrettably I am interested in hotd but this fandom is so awful with all the targ infestation HOWEVER my green mutuals have renewed the love I used to have for asoiaf 🫶 we're small but I love it here in our little corner free from rabid dogs analyzing media MWAH 💋

MY CATSSSS MY BABIES MY CHILDREN FR 🥺 I'm actually allergic to cat and dog fur so even though me and my lil bro have wanted a cat for so long we just never got one bc of my allergies, but then my dad randomly one night in november 2021 came home with Lale (our little princess fr) then 3 months later we got Aslan (literally a terrorist I'm not even joking) so that Lale wouldn't be alone. Aslan is a Siberian and Lale is a Neva Masquerade, those races are hypoallergenic so my allergies don't act up thank God and I'm being so serious when I tell you cats cure depression ..... they are my firstborns fr😭 Lale has the prettiest blue eyes you will ever see in your life and stayed small (or average size idk she's barely 3 kilos) and is truly a lady and is extremely dignified. Like she's so funny, if we give her a piece of raw chicken or fish we HAVE to let her smell it for a few seconds before she takes a lick and THEN she starts biting it. And if it falls on the floor she won't touch it again we HAVE to give it to her from our hands she's literally soookjjgfjjgkvkfngcnd SHE'S A HIGHBORN LADY OF ROYAL BLOOD AND SHE WILL LET YOU KNOW!!!! She also purrs louder than a bike. Aslan in contrast is 6 kilos and none of that is overweight 😭 He's bigger than a small dog (if he grew a little more he'd be as big as a maine coon (eu version) is what the vets tell me) and has a huge mane like a lion (truly suits his namesake) and you won't hear his purrs unless you put your ear to his body but he TALKS SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! he's constantly meowing and trilling and chirping and whatever else like he will not shut up!!! He's also so energetic more than a husky imo. he keeps running to and fro and trilling all the while it's actually so hilarious my dad dies from laughter every single time. the way he eats food is .. inexplicable LMFAO he's the complete opposite of ladylike Lale he's literally kirby with the way he inhales food. ALSO HE KEEPS JUMPING ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER!!!! EVIL TERRORIST THAT HE IS!!!!! (Aslan left, Lale right)

speaking abt my cats... my father insisted before we castrated them both that Lale became a mother at least once in her life. I reluctantly gave in and last August she had 6 babies 🥺 it was one hell of an experience, getting ready for her to give birth and watching new life come into the world and the aftercare I had to provide for all 7 cats (Aslan gave no shits ohmigod he was a deadbeat FR!!!!) I had to constantly keep watch and be vigilant so that all kittens would live past infancy and could grow up healthy. it felt like they were my own babies you know? and watching them come into the world and taking their first breath and watching them grow from being palm-sized to Lale's own size was genuinely miraculous and a memory I will never forget living through. they're Lale's babies but also mine, yknow? I also took care of them and hounded them like a mother lol. Giving them away was very sad but it had to happen :(. 5 of the kittens have already found their own homes, but the last one is still with us bc everyone that shows an ounce of interest in him keeps cancelling last minute 🥲 But idc I kinda wanna keep him but it's not advised by the vet 😭 my poor baby no one wants him, I wish he could stay with us :((((((

stone ocean anime ended > i finished reading jojolion > the jojolands manga begins serialization in less than 40 days LIKE THIS IS PEAK FICTION. HALLMARK OF MEDIA. GOLD STANDARD OF STORYTELLING!!!!! I LOVE JOJO'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE SSOOOOOOOOOO MUCHH NO OTHER PIECE OF MEDIA BRINGS ME THIS MUCH JOY 😭😭😭 i love jojos in ways no one could ever even imagine loving a thing......

got my piece of shit law degree last summer now I am finally fucking free of university FOREVER !!!! YIPPIEEEE !!!!!!!!

[e-b-reads]

End of year book asks: 3, 9, & 17

Thank you!

3. Did consuming any piece of media inspire you to pick up the book? How did it compare?

Short answer is, nope! Mostly the media I consume is books, so it's rare that I would, e.g., see a TV show and only then realize there was a book series that it's based on. I am influenced by tumblr posts about books to read said books (some examples from the year: Ninth House, Summer Sons, Pamela Dean's Tam Lin), so if informal book reviews are a type of media, those might count!

9. What book(s) had the biggest influence over your life this year?

What a fun question! I read a lot, but some books I move on from pretty quickly, and others (usually series) I spend a lot of non-reading time thinking about, so I think those are the ones with a big influence even when I don't post about them or talk about them much. Here are some books that took up large chunks of my brainspace at various points in the year:

The Quinn Colson series by Ace Atkins - these are a little more violent/gritty than the mysteries I usually tend towards, and sometimes more "crime" than "mystery" but something about the characters and the writing had me absorbed

The Benjamin January series by Barbara Hambly - I do post about these some, I go through phases of thinking about them a lot. Started rereading the series (slowly) this year

Also by Barbara Hambly: The Windrose Chronicles - her writing is generally really good, but not all her characters grab me. These ones did, though

The Curse of Chalion by Lois McMaster Bujold - spent a little less time absorbed by this one since it's one book instead of a series, but I did spend some time ~considering~ it

Honorable mention to the Hamish Macbeth mystery series, by M. C. Beaton, because I wouldn't have spent time thinking about it because of the tight plotting or characterization or anything, but there are so many books, and they are so quick and easy to read on my phone via Libby, that I spent the summer just tearing through them around being very busy at work, so they occupied my mind b/c I wasn't reading anything else at the time!

17. A book you reread this year. Did it hold up to how you remembered it?

One of my most recent rereads was The Dark is Rising, by Susan Cooper. It was interesting to think about the differences between reading it now vs. as a kid! I remember being around 11, and pretending that I was buddies with the character Will, who is 11 too, but who discovers that he is also an Old One, gaining knowledge and power beyond his years; I was like "Cool! I want to have powers, too! We will fight the Dark together!" Now I'm like hm, he never really gets to be just a child again, and the fight against the Dark will never truly end, this is maybe a little sad, too. Still a good book, though!

(Ask me end-of-the-year things from this list!)

[andaniellight]

nanago fic recs?

Hi! I've already made a post for that awhile back. :D

Unless you're the same anon and you're, uh, somehow wanting for more from me.....? In that case, this might be the last time you'll be receiving a list of this kind of thing, because I've stopped reading JJK (manga) AND any nanago fic from AO3 for the last two months now, I think? My bookmarks will only contain old stuff from now on, nothing new.

Anyways, here comes nothing. I'm - listing it from the shortest to the longest this time (in word count, I mean)...

1. At 27 you cannot legally be considered a 'catboy' (by sniperi) Notes/Tags: Kinda platonic-ish? Basically, Nanami got turned into a cat. It's fucking hilarious, I still laugh whenever I think about it every now and then.

Word count: 1.9k

2. If tomorrow starts without me (by keouil) (I promise I love this author a normal amount...)

Notes/Tags: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse

Word Count: 2,8k

3. Matched (by rainshowers)

Notes/Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Mutual Pining, Matchmaking. // This one is just so endearing and cute.

Word Count: 4,9k

4. Two Slow Dancers (by sonhoedesrazao)

Notes/Tags: THIS ONE IS NOT FOR MINORS. Getting Together, Friends with Benefits, Unsafe Sex, Mentions of Past SatoSugu and Nanami/Haibara, Canon Divergence - Shibuya but make it fun, Explicit Sexual Content. // That being said... I am eternally OBSESSED with this one. Head over heels, I tell you. I forgot to bookmark it the first time I read it, and had a mental crisis when I belatedly realized my mistake three months later... BUT DO NOT ENGAGE IF YOU'RE A MINOR, YOU HEAR ME???

Word Count: 15k

5. Gojo Satoru is A Good Dad series (by Freaky_Fiction)

Notes/Tags: It's a series. Not completed yet, but it's so good. I'm pretty sure lots of people know this series / it's very famous. There are... [squints] 11 works so far.

Word Count: 53k

6. Re: Love (by unburning)

Notes/Tags: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Single Dad Gojo, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Therapy. // It's written by the same author who wrote this adorable baby Yuuji and papa Nanami fic. It's a freaking novel, you'll either feel intimidated by the word count or intrigued instead! But if you're into a pure romance story with a tooth-rotting domestic act between Nanami and Gojo on a certain point of the story.... this might be the answer to everything you never thought you wanted. MIND THE "THERAPY" TAG, THO. IT IS THERE FOR A HEAVY REASON.

Word Count: 112k

[apixrl]

DRIVER'S LICENSE.

katsuki bakugou x fem! reader

WARNING(S): angst. cheating. swearing because it's bakugou.

word count: 4.5k

song: drivers license // olivia rodrigo (i wonder why...)

note(s): so i captioned this *at the time of writing* 'hello and welcome to i've had the worst two weeks ever so i wrote a katsuki oneshot to cope' and it's probably one of my most personal pieces of writing tbh

"-come Tuesday and we'll potentially see an end to this heavy downpour of rain. Temperatures will be on the rise to around-"

The talk on the radio cut short at the jab of your finger, heaving a great sigh which faded into the muffled pitter-patter of rain from outside. The streets had been showered with heavy downpours for the last week or so, no sign of sun or a still and restful day. Notwithstanding the miserable outdoors, the windscreen wipers on your car never ceased in their duty to grant you a clear view of the road ahead. And whilst you were grateful for their devotion, it didn't feel clear in the slightest. In fact, the road had never felt so blurry.

Shivering against the cold night chill and tucking your knees cosily to your chest, you eyed the raindrops on the windows. They raced against one another before they dripped down to your car's body, their glossy presence obvious thanks to the many hues of street lamps that surrounded them. You could have watched them for hours, being honest. Something about the droplets of water battling it out quite enticing. Anything to take you away from the cruel reality you were living in.

Your heart ached and yearned. But to no avail, the one you ached and yearned for didn't love you back.

Not anymore, at least.

Just the mere thought provoked a pulsating pang to resonate throughout your entire body. A pang filled with grief and sadness. Anger and hurt. You missed his sun-kissed face on the sunny mornings. You missed his eyes and how they gazed at you from across the room. You missed the smiles and laughter he would only show for you and you alone. The sense of glee and euphoria that came with that honour. Yet all of it was gone and there was no way you could get it back.

The memories of what had been triggered more waterworks. Hot, salty tears dug at the corners of your eyes and trickled down your face. Your motionless car concealed your cries and sobs. Every thrash against the wheel as you questioned to nobody in particular what went wrong and why. How you didn't see the signs sooner. What you could have done better. When he stopped loving you. If he ever planned to stop loving you. Whether it would have hurt more if you found out sooner.

All these questions with nothing to answer them.

Katsuki Bakugou had always fascinated you. From the very moment you met. You accompanied your friend on a double date, and he was the guy who she matched for you. Whilst he originally acted as though a blind date was the last place he wanted to be, underneath the aggression you could tell there was something much more genuine and true.

And your assumptions were correct. Truth be told, Katsuki Bakugou was one of the most genuine and truest people you had met (at the time). Once it was just the two of you, he allowed his true colours to unveil. Through the smallest of kind gestures that still haunted your mind to this day. Then upon confrontation, as you bid each other goodbye at your back door, his denial resulted in a flirtatious contest which then proceeded to an intimate night that changed your life forever. From there your mind was set.

He was the one.

Emphasis on was.

So blinded with a fairy tale love you grew so accustomed to, you never saw it coming. Never in your two-year relationship - that had so much strength and commitment built on top of it, never did you think that Katsuki Bakugou would throw it all out of the window like it was nothing. Disregard your loyalty and adoration for a drunken one night stand that slowly became an occasional hookup. Which soon became a mandatory pastime once a fortnight. Then twice. Maybe more than that. You wouldn't put it past him with what you knew now.

He kept it from you for nearly six months. Six months. The only reason you discovered his lies and deception was because you were let off early one night from work. You worked a night shift, see. Your last job had fallen to shambles, and it was temporary whilst you searched for a new one. And whilst that did take a toll on your relationship with Katsuki Bakugou, mostly finding time for intimacy since his working hours were during the day, none of that gave him any right to go and do what he did.

That wasn't one of the only reasons, you knew that for sure. There were other motives for his lack of loyalty. But you were never told. After you froze at the sight of another woman under his hold and stormed straight back to your car to flee. After he chased you down the flights of stairs in nothing but baggy pants into the streets of a twilight Musutafu. After you screamed into the darkness and belted your fists against his chest. Fists that were driven with rage and hurt and every emotion that burned like the hottest of fires and froze like the coldest of ice. He never even told you. He never made an effort to address it. Nor had he attempted to call or even try to visit your Mom's house - where you stayed as you searched for a permanent place to live. Just because you retreated for your car and cried that it was over, he never tried. But that didn't mean you weren't allowed an explanation. An apology. Something to give you a form of closure and a reason to move on. But you never did.

That wasn't even what hurt the most, either.

As silly as it was, the thing that hurt you the most was the very car you sat in.

EIGHT MONTHS AGO . . .

The red glow of traffic lights hit Katsuki's vermilion irises as he stared dead ahead at the long line of vehicles, the ash-blond heaving a sigh into the air. His finger tapped impatiently against the steering wheel he gripped with one hand, the spare rested casually against your upper thigh affectionately.

"I can't believe we have to sit through this torture just to go to some damn party," Katsuki grumbled, taking a glance over at you. His brows furrowed when he met you peacefully slouched down, nose dug into your phone as you presumably played some sort of game to pass the time. Like you had no care in the world for your predicament.

"It's your best friend's birthday, love," You mused back, Katsuki surprised you even listened based on your focused expression directed towards your phone. "It's not like we can just miss it,"

"Yeah, but we could have missed all this pain by taking the train instead of driving across town during rush hour,"

"Trains are icky, the seats would have ruined your suit and my dress," You pointed out, looking at the blond over your screen, sending him a sweet smile. He cocked a brow, a smirk creeping its way onto his lips as a scoff of a laugh broke out between them.

"Right, and laying down like a sloth is gonna help keep your dress uncreased?" He returned, amused at your realisation. At his comment, you sat up faintly and pouted your lip.

"Driving means more time to play Gravity Pops, and so does traffic,"

"Seriously? That's the game you're playing? You're such a dumbass,"

"Yes! I'm in the top 11% globally! I need to get to number one!" Was your protest, your arms flailing ahead of you briefly for dramatic emphasis. Katsuki clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, though the small smile plastered over his lips betrayed his initial reaction. Unable to deny your determination, he spoke with confidence and almost a sense of pride.

"Number one, hm? Clearly rubbing off on you aren't I?"

"In a way, yes,"

"That's my girl," Katsuki remarked, earning a giggle from you that was uplifting to hear. It was there your attention went back to your phone, but Katsuki wasn't done. "So, speaking of cars, Y/N," Hearing his chosen tone - which sounded suggestive, you eyed him closely. Hesitant to reply as you had a sense of what he planned to say.

"...Yes?"

"Have you thought any more about getting your driver's license yet?"

Called it.

"...No,"

"What?" Katsuki began, tilting his head. He was surprised that he felt surprised. You had said those words in regards to this topic countless times. Still, he persisted. "Is that a no meaning you haven't or no meaning that you don't want to?"

"Both?" You half-guessed, sheepishly grinning at the look you were sent. "Look, cars scare me okay? And so do roads. And people. My nerves wouldn't be able to handle it! I can barely communicate with people face to face, so me being on the road is a recipe for disaster!"

"I know but -," Katsuki exhaled sharply, understanding your reasoning. You had voiced these concerns when confiding to Katsuki about your fears of the road. Something built and corrupted from social media as well as phobias and fears in general, it was a battle you had yet to overcome. You wanted to drive but was terrified of messing up or causing chaos on the road. Potentially inflicting harm to someone and yourself. You still weren't sure what triggered it all, but over the years it had manifested into something quite irrational, to say the least. Katsuki had been supportive of it and whilst he truly would love to always act as your personal taxi - you couldn't hide from it forever. It wasn't his job to keep you in your comfort zone. That, and he couldn't always be there for you that way. What if he was miles away and you had somewhere urgent to go like the hospital? "It's not as scary as you think. I know it's hard to believe that but seriously. The freedom you get from driving is amazing,"

"I'll think about it a little longer, okay?" You said with hesitancy, looking at Katsuki for a sign of confirmation. He nodded in defeat, knowing you probably needed more time and felt put on the spot. So he averted his eyes back to the road to check if the traffic had moved at all. It had not.

"Okay," Katsuki said. "But I can't be your taxi service forever,"

"But I like you being my taxi service," You jokingly said, a little sadness in your tone. "Your road rage is funny and I like watching you get out of the car and walk to my door after pulling up in my driveway,"

"What do you mean?" Katsuki asked, catching the twitch of a smile on your face upon saying those words. It struck his interest in what you could mean.

"You know, like when you say you're coming to pick me up?" You explained. "You pull up at my driveway and I don't know... simple things like that just remind me of how much I love you. It's dumb really, but it's important to me,"

"Really?" Katsuki questioned in disbelief. How something so small and meaningless could mean so much was puzzling. He couldn't understand why it was so special to you. But that didn't invalidate it in any shape or form. So he pushed that aside, replacing his wonder with gratitude. He returned to your bashful and flustered features, feeling a smile grow on his face.

"Yeah," You said, shrugging to downplay your words. "I love you. Stuff like that means a lot to me,"

"I love you too, even though you're a dumbass," Katsuki said, humbled by what you had said. The two of you shared a gentle exchange, your hand grabbing hold of Katsuki's as you gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back, and silence ensued. Had he realised such a thing sooner, then Katsuki would have pulled up in your driveway much more than he had been doing. But at that a thought struck his mind, victoriously smirking as he had an idea on how to potentially sway your worries. Or begin swaying it. Something was better than nothing, after all. "But what if I wanted you to pull up in my driveway one day?" His words caused you to look over at him in curiosity, hearing the seriousness in the question. It caught you off guard momentarily, having to contemplate as you gradually concluded that he had a point.

"Well one day, maybe I will," You vaguely replied and sat up a little bit. The hand holding yours pulled back and lifted to land on your shoulder, gripping reassuringly tight.

"I hope you do, I'd like to get in on this driveway action," He joked and smirked, faith riddled in his expression. You giggled ever so slightly, tempted to lean forward and peck Katsuki on the lips in thanks, but never a thing was to happen as the alerting red light from outside switched to warm amber.

"Ah!" Katsuki yelled in triumph, his attention leaving you swiftly as he got back into the driver's seat. Giving you no opportunity to respond to him and overall ruining the moment. "Took fucking long enough!"

The light turned green, and he set the car in motion, leaving you with your thoughts and the words he had uttered that day as the traffic stood still.

All your efforts, all your time devoted to getting over your fear of driving and the road as a whole... all of it was pointless. You did it for him. You promised him you would overcome your fears and better yourself. He built that motivation up brick by brick until you could grab hold and seize control. He wasted all that time to get you to reach such a stepping stone only to abandon it once it was through.

Just so you could pull up in his driveway, just like he requested. And what did you get in return when you finally did? A stab in the back and the loss of your other half.

You wiped your eyes via the sleeve of your hoodie, dampening the cuffs. Sniffling and exhaling a shaky breath, your gaze landed on nothing in particular. Yet somewhere within your clouded mind, you found interest. As that was where your gaze remained for a certain amount of time. You weren't sure how long exactly. It could have felt like an hour and only been five minutes. Or it could have felt like five minutes and was actually an entire hour. Either way, the clock ticked on and didn't wait for you to stop.

It was a good thing you had pushed your fears down and rose above them. It just pained you that you didn't even do it for yourself. Without Katsuki Bakugou, you never had any intentions of doing so. As a matter of fact, you had set out to take the train or bus for the rest of your life. Hell, you were going to use a bike and scooter if you got desperate. Had he even acknowledged how much work you put in just to get where you were? Was all that effort part of the reason why he decided to cheat? There was absolutely no telling. Absolutely no telling at all.

You wondered what he was doing now. Was he laid in bed resting peacefully? Out with his friends for a boy's night only? Maybe cooking his favourite curry? Possibly on a late-night jog despite the harsh weather? It never stopped him other times.

Did he ever think about you? Regret what he did and the actions he took? Had he ever considered apologising? Would he ever apologise? What if he was celebrating the fact you were no longer in his life? Had there ever been any love there for you in the start? Did he ever actually want you to get your driver's license because he believed in you? Or was it so he could get rid of you with much more ease? Make his departure less severe and less selfish? A way to justify his choices because it's not like you were hopelessly left to suffer everyday life now that you had a means of transport. Was he really that cruel?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sharp jingle of your phone, the device lighting up as it sat in the passenger seat to your left. It took two or three rings for you to glance over at it, E/C eyes sore and drained from crying out. You squinted them to read the caller, seeing the name 'Work' fade in and out on the brightly lit screen. For a second or two you argued back and forth on whether to even bother picking up. Something about reaching across for your phone requiring a magnitude of energy you no longer possessed. Having spent it all on your cries of agony and the deprivation of your old life as a whole.

However, you had ignored your work in the last couple of weeks too many times now. So many times that pulling the same stunt again would probably risk you losing your job. It's not like your work was interested in why you felt such overwhelming pain... all they cared about was you turning up to do what you were hired to.

So using a forceful hand, you leaned over to pick it up. You fumbled to grip your phone and accepted the call with a dainty tap of your thumb. Then you blinked away your tears and subtly sniffed, pressing your phone to your ear to address the caller.

"Hello?" You practically croaked, quick to clear your throat and push any signs of upset down. It was presumably dry from how much you'd cried in the last two hours.

"L/N! Hey! Glad you finally picked up!" Unlike the droll and unvarying tones of your boss, the person on the other end was much more lively and greeting. So much so you could only assume it was none other than your work colleague, Etsuko. Probably the only person you genuinely liked where you worked, and the only person who made the time pass by faster. "I was worried you were gonna leave me on answer phone again,"

"Hm, what? Oh right. Yeah. Sorry about that. Haven't been feeling too great," You lied, even though it wasn't a complete fib. You hadn't been feeling great at all. You had never felt so rock bottom. It all just originated from your mind over anything else. But when did work care about that?

"Sounds like it, I hope you've been okay!" Still cheery as ever, Etsuko followed up with a laugh to fill the silence you created by not saying anything. "Is everything well? It's nothing serious, is it?"

"No. It's not. Just some dumb cold I caught," You excused. "I'm better now, though," Slouching down in your seat, you decided to ask the question that had been roaming your mind the last minute or so. "So why are you calling?"

"Oh, right!" Etsuko said. "Mr Kobashigawa was just wondering when you planned on coming back - for schedule reasons and to get people to fill in for your shifts,"

"I er...," Not entirely sure how to answer, you stuttered as your words cowered away in your attempt to speak. "I don't -,"

"It's okay, he doesn't need an answer yet," Etsuko reassured. "Maybe in the next day or two, though? He wasn't really specific, being honest,"

You sighed at the guilt brewing in your stomach. You weren't even sick for crying out loud! Why were you lying just so you could wallow in your own sadness?! Like that was going to change anything! Sitting around and crying wasn't going to give you what you wanted. You weren't getting him back. Katsuki Bakugou wasn't yours anymore. He made that clear by cheating. By making minimal effort to give you an explanation. By causing you so much pain with little care or concern. Why couldn't you get it through your thick skull that your feelings didn't matter anymore?! That they were being wasted on a lost cause. A lost relationship!

"Well I mean -," You started, running a hand through your hair as you tread carefully on your words. "I could come in tonight? Has Mr Kobashigawa got someone to fill for me yet?"

"Um... no? I don't think so?" Etsuko answered, uncertainty in her voice. "Let me go check. Be right back!" And with that, the line fell dead. The call didn't end, just Etsuko placing the phone down to get an answer for you. Leaving you all by your lonesome once more.

Reflecting, you could see the logic in your thoughts. The best course of action would be to hold your head up high and live life the way it was before. When you were happy. Just... excluding the factors that actually made you happy. Which was him. Wouldn't that be healthier than crying all the time?

Yes, it would. But was it what you wanted? Not really.

"L/N!" The voice in your ear startled you to the point you nearly dropped your phone, panicking through a gasp as you fiddled to grab hold of it again.

"Wa-! Careful you nearly scared me half to death!"

"Oops, sorry!" Etsuko giggled softy, sounding as perky as ever. "I'm just excited to tell you that nobody's filling in your shift! You can still come in for ten-thirty!"

"I-I can?" You asked. After an upbeat 'yeah!' filtered through your ears, you considered your options. Remaining in the serene, quiet confines of your car with only the downfall of rain to accompany you sounded like utter bliss, given how you felt. But you felt an internal kick up the backside which told you - no... demanded you to just get over this moping attitude of yours and look on the bright side. To get over the lack of closure and simply... move on.

Yeah... if he found out you were an utter train wreck thanks to the damage he inflicted; Katsuki Bakugou would probably revel in it. He had a history of gaining pleasure from other's misfortunes... or it was rumoured he did (during his younger years, anyway). You had never wanted to believe it but you couldn't find a reason to refute it anymore. After all you had been through, it seemed to fit his character and personality more than ever. So with that fact apparent, you held a firm forefront and searched for a determined tone, and made your answer to your friend.

"You betcha I'm coming in! I'll see you in half an hour!"

Too enthusiastic? Probably. Still, it was better than acting pessimistic and hopeless. No matter, however, because that was exactly the attitude Etsuko had been hoping for.

"Alrighty!" She exclaimed, smile audible in her voice from the other end. "I can't wait to get our dynamic duo going again! I've missed you!"

"Yeah, me too, 'Suko," You hummed in agreement.

"Great! Catch ya later my partner in crime,"

"Heh. You too, dumbass," You found a reason to smile from her childish behaviour, though your choice of wording seemed to hit a nerve. It did more than that, it practically reverted all that confidence and progress you had made in the last ten minutes of being on the phone. All from one innocent word that escaped your lips.

Dumbass.

That's what he used to call you.

The phone call had ended without you even noticing, your phone still pressed to your ear as a small buzz sounded into it. You stared dead ahead, flashes of all the times he had said that word to you running through your memory. It was his form of a pet name. Some might see it as a little degrading on the surface, but you never minded. Once you learned the deeper meaning of the name, it became something equivalent to the likes of 'Sunshine' or 'Angel'. If anything, you ended up preferring it to those sorts of nicknames. Hence why Katsuki Bakugou had called you it on so many occasions.

No. Stop it. You can't let something like that bother you. Not after the efforts you just went to. Stop. Shaking yourself out of it, you returned to reality and permitted your phone to drop onto your lap. Your hand once holding it gripped onto your steering wheel, the other following shortly behind to do the same.

"I love you too, even if you're a dumbass,"

That rung in your head one final time, tormenting and mocking your present. The things you'd be willing to do to hear him say that to you one last time...

"No," You firmly shook your head, banging it lightly against the headrest to return yourself to reality. An attempt to knock those words to the back of your mind where you could lock them in a securely tight safe for the rest of eternity. "Just... just don't think about it. Easy. Just focus on what you're doing now," You reached for your keys which sat in the ignition, taking hold and turning them ever so slightly. Your car stirred to life, engine rumbling and the dials lighting up in a form of warm greeting. "You're going to work. No more feeling sorry for yourself,"

No more feeling sorry for yourself.

Your eyes set themselves on the road ahead. The vacant, dark and solitary road that didn't wait for you to make your decision. Life moved on after all, so if you were going to do anything - it was to catch up and take the winning lead.

So despite your circumstances; your inner desires and wishes and begs for what you wanted back but to no avail would ever get, you pulled out of your parking space (which had long exceeded the time limit, thankfully nobody was around to see) that drowned in pitiful rains of the night, and began to make your way down the street. In search of a place better than the one you were trapped in.

An endless road that wasn't all that clear, you were going to tackle it. Not for anyone else, unlike the last time you met difficulty and hardships. No, no, no. This time it was for your sake. All the mental energy to recover and become a better version of yourself, in the endgame it was all for you. You could push past all the deceit and lies you had been told and you could push past your normality which was him. Katsuki Bakugou. The man that hurt you as nobody had ever done before. You could create new normality without him.

A thought of forever he created and destroyed, resorted to driving alone past his street, never to be thought of again.

[imagineabrighterworld]

Summary// Ground Zero has been your crush since you were rescued by him, and ever since then, you've been writing love songs that your manager is sick and tired of hearing. One day on a live broadcast, you admit that the songs were inspired by your admiration for said hero. Little did you know, he was just in the other wing of the building getting his own interview done and decides to see you after the cameras are off.

A/N: I know his hero name is Dynamite but I wrote this before it was decided so I'm sticking with Ground Zero, sorry ^^;

————

You were never camera shy, you loved the stage and all that came with it. The lights, the flurry of makeup artists and the adrenaline rush of seeing the On-Air light turn red.

But the moment you saw him walk into the room, you swear your heart fell into your stomach and all the words you've ever sang were sucked right back into your throat.

- -

Ever since the accident that nearly took your life, you have been an active fan of Ground Zero. He was constantly in the news, either due to his heroics or due to being spotted with other top heroes such as Deku or Shoto. Considering he was their classmate in high school, the media gobbled up any coverage they could with the trio.

You on the other hand, were mostly into the tabloids for information on Ground Zero.

The accident was after one of your concerts. You had been on your way to your tour bus when a villain had attacked. Luckily none of your crew were hurt, but you were trapped under the rubble of the concert hall that had fallen when the villain rammed into the wall. It was cramped and had little oxygen, the air was full of dust and your lungs were heavy with the ash. You had broken your arm and had to use it to support yourself to keep from getting crushed under the rubble that was slowly but surely pressing down on you.

You had little hope for yourself as the rubble grew heavier, your arm giving out under the weight of your body, but before it could fully crush you, you heard the sounds of explosions.

Not long after, you felt the weight of the rubble lift.

Ground Zero had sent smaller blasts to break up the larger pieces of rubble before finally moving the giant piece that was pinning you to the ground. He scooped you up into his arms and murmured the same line under his breath as he brought you to the paramedics.

"You're safe now."

He lowered you onto the gurney and waited by you as the paramedics asked you questions, soon finding your rib was cracked as well. Ground Zero gave you a once over before parting with a quiet goodbye and a thank you to the medics that were helping you.

You didn't get the chance to thank him as the medics placed an oxygen mask on your face.

So you wrote him songs. You never used his name, but a hero was always implied when it came to songs about him. You tried to be subtle with the crush you had developed, but apparently you weren't subtle enough.

Your manager was sent an invitation for an interview to talk about your new album full of love songs. The album was crammed with songs about a one-sided pinning for someone who could never love back, but the last song was a ray of hope that they might find a way to each other.

Was it based on reality? No. Ground Zero couldn't have liked you like you liked him, he didn't know who he had saved and likely didn't look back on that event. He was a busy hero who saved people daily. He wouldn't know your name, but you could always dream maybe he would hold you like he did when you were hurt.

So there you were, in a chair with the lights on you and your interviewer.

"Your album is named Loved One, are you trying to send a message to a certain someone?" The man asks as he cleans his glasses with a wipe.

You fiddle with your hands on your lap, a half smile on your face. "It's a love song for someone, yes. But if he's ever heard it I'm not sure."

"Your songs have been in the top ten, with Sweet Delights being number one for seven weeks straight. Surely he's heard one of them."

True. Your music was popular. But did he ever hear them? Would he know it was him you were talking about when you sang?

Of course not. That's why you wrote your feelings with no fear of being found out.

"He's a very special man, I can't say he has the time for music." You turn your face as a small blush fans your cheeks. "He's a hero, I'm sure he's too busy to listen to the radio."

The interviewer leans forward in his seat, a grin tugging at his lips. "A hero?"

The live audience begins to whisper and you can hear the names of heroes being tossed around.

Deku. Shoto. Chargebolt. Cellophane.

Ground Zero.

"Yeah." You chuckle. "He saved me during an accident. I'll be forever grateful to him for saving my life."

"Love at first attack."

"Something like that."

"What would you say to him if he were here right now?" The interviewer leans back in his seat.

You look down at your lap, twiddling with your thumbs as you try to come up with the words. You've written dozens of songs, but what words would you give him?

"Thank you. For being my hero. I've written you love songs I never thought you'd hear. Maybe I thought it would make you feel the same way I feel for you." You look up from your lap and chuckle, this time a tad bit weaker. "Silly isn't it? I get to know so much about him but I'm just a dime a dozen that he saves. He doesn't even know my name."

The interviewer scoots forward and hands you one of the tissue boxes on his desk. You aren't about to start crying but you appreciate the gesture and take it from him anyway.

"Love can be tough. But you've written plenty about it haven't you?"

A light chuckle comes from the crowd.

You smile. "I know enough about pinning for someone who will never know me."

"What is his name? Maybe we could get him on here, get you a coffee date." He says in a playful tone.

What's the worst that could happen?

"Well, this is a little embarrassing, but it's Ground Zero." You rub your neck as the crowd collectively gasps. "He saved me after a concert I held, and ever since then he's been on my mind. I thought it was creepy, so I figured I would use my music as an outlet. My album is dedicated to unrequited love and accepting it. Hopefully I'll accept it one day too."

For a moment the interviewer is quiet, but when you look closer you see a smile is building on his face.

He clears his throat and lifts his remote control to the screen behind the both of you. "Ironically, in the west wing of the building, we're holding an interview with Ground Zero himself."

The screen turns on to show Ground Zero seated with his own interviewer.

They were watching your interview live.

And he just heard your admission to liking him.

Your grip on the tissue box tightens as you see his eyes scanning you.

Oh god you were going to be sick.

He stands up and walks out of the room. All you feel is lead in your gut as you watch the television move onto commercial.

Your interviewer presses on the Bluetooth in his ear and nods along to whatever the people were saying. But you didn't want to hear any of it. All you felt was dread.

He heard.

He heard.

He must think you were crazy. It was his job to save people! He didn't do it out of chivalry or kindness like some knight in a fairytale!

You let go of the box and cover your face with your hands. The crowd was talking now, you couldn't catch what they were saying but they were going wild.

Deciding to see what was getting the crowd so riled up, you look to the doors.

And there he is.

Standing across the room with his eyes glued to yours.

- -

So there you are. No words were forming and you felt like you were being sucked into the Twilight Zone.

The crowd cheers as he walks down the aisle in his full gear and makes his way straight to you.

You cover your face again as the interviewer speaks to him.

"The man of the hour, Ground Zero ladies and gentlemen!" He announces, but the crowd was already roaring with energy.

You feel the hero stand in front of you, mostly because he blocked your light, and soon you were wondering if you could sink into the cushions and disappear forever. Let Loved One be your momento mori, your swan song before you disappeared off the face of the earth.

"Hey."

No no no no- no!

You hear his gear shift and from the cracks between your fingers you see him crouch in front of you.

"Stop filming." He says to the interviewer.

"We still have five minutes to break-" The interviewer starts up but stumbles on his words. You hear the pop of small explosions and the murmur of the crowd.

"Break for two!" The producer calls from backstage.

"Hey."

This time, you lower your hands to cover your mouth, looking at Ground Zero with half of your face covered.

He looked just as he had when he rescued you, minus him being in his winter gear. But it was all the same. Even the tone he was using with you. Like you were fragile.

"Did you mean it?" He asks, his head nodding towards the screen above. "What you said about me."

"I.. I did." You uncover your face, using your nervous energy to hold onto the box of tissues instead, squeezing the life out of the poor box. "Every word. You saved me and I'm grateful." You look down in shame, unable to utter the next words while looking him in the face. "I- I know it's weird, to like someone you know so little about-”

"Bakugou Katsuki."

"Huh?"

"My name, is Bakugou Katsuki." He grips your chin gently and tugs you to look at him. He had a small grin on his face. "Go to dinner with me and I'll debate letting you call me Katsuki."

[jodeeeart]

Hi! your art is absolutely sublime. It's a huge inspiration for me to improve and move past those feeling depressed about art days. I wanted to ask, if that okay, if you had any advice for artists wishing to move from hobby to pro. I feel I'm there with my art right now but I don't have a clue how to get 'noticed' so to speak. Or even how to start. Some days I feel all I'll be is a fan artist, which is fun, but would love to move on from that.

Hello Nonnie,

Thank you very much for your ask! It really depends on what your idea of professional looks like I think. Are you looking to work freelance on commission for clients commercially? Is there a studio that you want to work at full time or are you wanting more of a independent experience? There are a few different paths open to you career wise.

I can only speak to my experience which is in freelancing but I transitioned from hobbyist to professional slowly. I had been painting a while before I opened up small commissions, I still had a day job. I think time spent working on private commissions really helps you get to grips with the basics of working for hire as an artist. if you want to successfully freelance, I'd start there. It teaches you the importance of communication and compromise with your client (and how to not take feedback too personally haha). It forces you to to get a little more familiar with invoicing and contracts. It will also let you know if working to someone else's brief is for you or not - if the deadline life is for you. You can advertise your services wherever you use social media.

Getting noticed? Eyeballs is a toughy. So much goes into the eyeball soup. You can always go the traditional sort of route, get yourself a portfolio together of your strongest work and submit to companies that interest you. Whether you're looking for something inhouse or applying for contracted work, it doesn't hurt to go straight to big eyeball. Sometimes if you're not taken on you can get a little feedback on your work that will help you move forward and maybe land the next one. About 90% of my commercial work has come from Artstation, if you haven't got one, I'd recommend it.

Speaking of dabbling in the dark art of social media (especially if you're looking at more of an independent career) outside of me telling you you need to get your work out there on as many platforms as you're comfortable managing, get a dedicated website/portfolio and network, network, network! I think that ultimately success lies in the quality of your work and in it's youiness. Collecting eyeballs alone is not enough, you need to have something for them to enjoy looking at, to be stimulated by if you want them to stick around.

It's taken me a while to get an audience together, I've been posting my art online now for (checks dA - gulp) 15 years. I started getting the kind of jobs I wanted only when I began to take improvement seriously and painted the kind of things I really wanted to in my personal pieces. If it's original artwork you want to sell, the same applies.

Ultimately the only way to start is to start. It's scary at first and it doesn't happen immediately. There can be a lot of rejection along the way. Don't let it discourage you too much or compare your progress too intensely with others. Any artist you see suddenly blow up everywhere has probably been at it for years before hand, no-one is an overnight success in that way. It's about luck and timing lining up with your skill level.

Of course, what works for one does not always work for another but I hope that isn't too vague and helps somewhat Nonnie!

Good luck! <3

[vs-redemption]

This is the fourth piece out of seven written for the one year anniversary collaboration event for the @konoblog-simps discord. I encourage everyone to check out the masterlist for today's prompt and support the other creators. Some content might not be suitable for minors so please pay attention to the warnings.

Prompt: Song Piece (Tooru Oikawa x Reader)

Word Count: 1.6K Warnings: Mentions of alcohol

Song: Case Of The Ex - Mya I'm old, just like this song, so I apologize if you don't know it. I provided a link if you wanna check out the song/video.

It took a certain kind of person to date a guy like Tooru Oikawa. It wasn’t for the faint hearted for sure. First of all, you had to be fine with long absences since he traveled so much for work. If he wasn’t off competing against the best teams in the world, he was spending an absurd amount of time in training camps and practices. His career as a pro volleyball player alone would put strain on any relationship but the obstacles didn’t end there. Oikawa was more than just an incredible athlete. He was also known for being one of the most attractive male sports stars on the planet. He had a huge female fan base and had appeared on a disturbing number of magazine covers for his looks alone. Anyone who dated him would have to share his attention with every single other person who thought they might have a chance with the devilishly handsome man. It would take someone awfully secure in themselves to withstand pressure like that constantly looming over them.

“Hey cutie! Can I buy you a drink?”

The first time you met Oikawa was unfortunately during a bar crawl for a friend’s birthday. It wasn’t the type of thing you’d normally participate in, but you endured it this time because of the special occasion. You were already at your third stop of the night and ready to go home when a ridiculously tall, obnoxiously attractive man appeared next to you.

“I think you already did,” you tell him while holding up the glass in your hand. “Wasn’t it you and your buddies that bought a round for my friend’s birthday?”

“Yeah, but that was a while ago,” he tilts his head curiously at you. “Don’t you need another by now?”

“I’m pacing myself,” you tell him flatly. “Thank you though.”

“I’m Tooru Oikawa,” he smiles and spreads his arms, lifting his chin proudly and reminding you of a peacock showing off and you laugh.

“I know.”

As the night dragged on, you continued chatting with the famous volleyball player as your friends continued with their shenanigans. You could admit that conversation with Oikawa was easy, and he definitely made the night more interesting. He was cute and charming, not to mention rich and famous, but you knew you didn’t have the energy to get involved with someone like that in any capacity. You allowed yourself some light banter, figuring he could just move on to flirting with someone else once you parted ways.

“How about a date?” he asks you once your friend signals you that it was time to head to the next stop of the night.

“I don’t date pretty boys.” You reply apologetically, a hint of amusement in your voice.

“How about meeting for coffee as friends?” he quips without any hesitation.

“Are you serious?” You ask and he nods while pulling his phone out from his pocket. You shake your head, pushing his phone away with a mischievous smile on your face. “I’ll tell you the time and place,” you tell him. “If you actually show up, then I’ll give you my number.”

What you hadn’t known was that Tooru Oikawa was persistent when he knew what he wanted. Not only did he show up to the designated place on time, but he also kept the conversation light and friendly since you’d been adamant about it not being a date. As promised, you exchanged numbers and saw no reason to refuse when he asked to meet up again soon.

Oikawa wasted no time in integrating himself into your daily life. At first, having regular correspondence with him made it easy to forget his celebrity status. He never acted like the hot playboy he was made out to be in the media. He never seemed too proud to send you goofy selfies of himself, or tell you about something embarrassing that had happened to him in one of his practices. When he was too busy to meet you in person, he scheduled time to do video calls. It surprised you that he never seemed to lose interest. The way he took his time to let you really get to know him and build up a mutual trust made it difficult to say no the next time he asked you on an actual date.

“I know my volleyball is going to make things tough,” he’d admitted from the very start, and you respected that he could acknowledge that. The first step in overcoming the hurdle was admitting it existed in the first place. He was more than willing to talk and compromise as much as you needed though, continuing to make you feel better about entering into a relationship with him. After all, despite your efforts to remain rational, you’d ended up falling head over heels for the idiot.

Being with Oikawa was too good to be true. You’d known going into the relationship how busy he was, and although you were fine being on your own sometimes, he still made sure you never felt neglected. Hardly a day went by without at least a phone call since he claimed that going to bed without hearing your voice was impossible for him. He was so cheesy sometimes, but you appreciated his transparency. Even dealing with his popularity turned out to be less of a problem than you’d imagined. Seeing all the comments and likes on his posts never made you feel jealous. In fact, it made you happy to see your boyfriend getting the amount of love and attention you knew he deserved. He never made a big deal about it and did everything in his power to make sure you knew he only had eyes for you.

“Good night, my love!” He smiles and pulls your face into his hands, pressing a kiss to your mouth before yawning and snuggling into the blankets next to you.

“Night, pretty boy,” you reply with a teasing smile that makes him pout. “Stop,” you poke his cheek, “You know I love you.”

“Mm,” he hums happily. “Love you too.”

Sometimes it still blew your mind knowing Tooru Oikawa was your boyfriend, but as you curled up next to him and slowly drifted off to sleep, you couldn’t imagine anyone else making you feel as happy or as loved as he could.

“Do you understand what time it is?” The sound of Oikawa’s voice pulled you back from the depths of sleep and you blink your eyes tiredly, the numbers on your alarm clock coming into focus and revealing that it was still the middle of the night. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He was clearly on the phone with someone, and before you could roll over and ask him if everything was okay, you hear him whisper the caller’s name. Your heart immediately drops to your stomach, knowing right away who he was talking to. When you’d finally decided to give your heart to Oikawa, you’d thought you’d taken everything into account. His career. His fame. His fans. For some reason it had never occurred to you to worry about his exes.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” You could tell Oikawa felt awkward by the tone of his voice. “Do you really think I’m the right person to talk to though? We’re not together anymore.”

You squeeze your eyes shut and try to calm yourself. He’d never given you a reason not to trust him before, and it wasn’t his fault if his ex was calling him in the middle of the night. Oikawa had told you about them before though, and you couldn’t help the memories that sprung up from those conversations. You knew how much they’d meant to him, and how they’d hurt him when they left, giving him an ultimatum between their relationship and his volleyball career. It had made you mad to hear about that. Loving Oikawa meant accepting all of him, including his love for volleyball, and you could never imagine asking him to give it up for you. Still, if even a hint of his feelings for his ex still existed inside him, who knew what talking to them again might mean for you.

“I can’t do this right now,” Oikawa’s tone was getting impatient. “I don’t know. Maybe. Fine. Goodnight.” You hear him set his phone back on the nightstand and let out a sigh. After a moment, he lays back down and tries to get comfortable.

“Tooru?” you whisper.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up,” you listen for any hints of guilt or panic in his voice. “Did you hear all that?”

“Kind of,” you weren’t going to lie.

“I shouldn’t have even answered,” he admits softly while snaking an arm around your waist. “It’s just been so long and I was surprised.”

“Is everything all right?” you ask.

“I guess so,” his words come out muffled against your back. “Let’s just go back to sleep, okay?”

“Okay.” You wanted to ask him if you had anything to worry about, and if he planned on getting in touch with them again. You had so many questions that you knew were rooted in insecurity, so you held back from asking so as not to insult the trust you’d built up over your time together. You’d handled every other obstacle in your relationship so far, so hopefully this one wouldn’t cause too much disruption either. At the end of the day, it was up to Oikawa to choose who he wanted by his side. And until he gave you a reason to believe otherwise, you decided to just be thankful that, for the moment, that person seemed to be you.

[visionsofus]

Hi! Just wanted to say that i'm living for you scarlet vision fanfic right now, they give me so much happiness and relief and they are so well-written that i'm re-reading them daily. I just wanted to ask if it's possible to have maybe If You Ever Come Back by The Script. I think that this will fit very well with our favourite synthezoid and witch.

Thank you again and please continue writing about them! Cheers and stay safe

hello! thank you so much for reading and reaching out with this song - it was perfect! I really hope you continue reading and enjoying this series ❤️ I hope you have a lovely morning/evening and are staying safe 

| read on AO3 here | mixtape playlist | send me an ask with your song/prompt request |  

track #9: If You Ever Come Back by The Script 

synopsis: Wanda and Vision recall an argument that forced them to go their separate ways in the early days of their relationship post-CW. Upon finding out Wanda is near the Compound Vision can't help himself and seeks her out to apologise. (Happy resolution)

Wanda had only meant to draw one circle around New Jersey but in her distraction had kept the ballpoint moving in continuous circles so that it was now an unrecognisable big blue scribble.

“Wanda, present please,” Natasha said waving her hand in front of Wanda’s distant eyes.

“Sorry,” she murmured, instead starting to flip the pen nimbly about her fingers.

“As I was saying,” Steve said from where he was braced above the map of the US they had spread out. “We can’t afford any more international travel for a bit, not after Sam was spotted in Venice last week.”

Sam Wilson raised his hands in defence. “Hey, I was actually being very careful, it’s not my fault my fan club spans nations.”

“Regardless, no more international travel,” Steve said looking at them sternly in turn, “Wanda that means you too, no European rendezvous with Vision for the next two months.”

The ballpoint clattered onto the table before them, and Wanda watched it role miserably away. Natasha cleared her throat awkwardly and she could only imagine the looks that she was giving Steve. The pair seemed to be able to communicate most things through very specific glares. Right now, Wanda guessed Nat was giving him a look that said something along the lines of ‘shut up why are you bringing her ex into the conversation?’.

“Uhm,” Steve said slowly, “right yes, no international stuff so all in the US right now. That means we’re going to be moving around a little more frequently to keep out of any states with large security presences.”

“So for now,” Natasha continued on, “that means New Jersey, big things happening in California with old Chitauri tech so we’re staying as far away as possible.”

“We could help,” Wanda spoke up. “That stuff is right up our alley.”

“We can’t help if we’re imprisoned and I doubt they’ll let us out as easily a second time,” Sam pointed out and Steve nodded in agreement.

“I know you want to help,” Nat said putting an assuring hand on Wanda’s arm, “but the most we can do right now is stay far away. We’d be putting the others at risk by being there.”

The Others, code for those ex-teammates they didn’t like to mention despite the fact that they were all still on contact. Nat with Tony, Steve with T’Challa and well, up until a month ago, Wanda with Vision.

“Safe houses have been arranged for all of us, separately, so we don’t draw attention.”

Wanda sighed audibly, she hated the separate placements, hated the loneliness.

“It’ll only be for a few weeks,” Nat assured them as Steve handed out envelopes with their assigned houses, addresses, keys, the lot.

Standing up to get her things ready and make to leave the current safe house, Wanda was stopped by Natasha when she tried to leave the room.

“Wanda,” Nat said, her eyes concerned.

“I already know what you are going to say, and yes I am fine.”

“I don’t believe you though,” Nat said crossing her arms and raising her eyebrows.

“Well, it’s not really my job to convince you,” Wanda said making to sidestep her.

“I’ve seen how you’ve been for the last month, you’re going to burn out at this pace. It couldn’t hurt to slow down and actually think about what happened between you two.”

Wanda shook her head wordlessly.

“I know it’s difficult but there’s no way you can move on if you don’t address it.”

“What if I don’t want to move on?” Wanda asked, frustrated at herself for how easily her accent burst forth.

Nat looked at her sadly, but not with pity, Wanda knew that there was genuine worry behind that gaze. Still, it didn’t make her feel any less crappy. ���Look, thinking about it, thinking about him still hurts so I’d just rather not talk about it.”

“You still don’t want me to pass your whereabouts onto him?”

Wanda shook her head and finally succeeded in getting past Nat and into the corridor, where she sped walked to her room and set about gathering her things before she could be coaxed into another ‘let’s all talk about our feelings’ session.

Admittedly there was a part of her that wished Natasha would pass on her location to Vision, even if it was only just to see whether he would actually show up. But Wanda had made Nat promise not to reveal where she was staying in the past month, at least not until Wanda was ready for that. Vision was an addiction she needed to kick, and constantly reminding herself of him or thinking about the chance of a reunion certainly wasn’t going to help.  

“Vision I need you on and concentrating ok? Not away with the fairies,” Tony Stark said from where he stood at the front of the board meeting table.

“Apologies, I am present and involved,” Vision said shaking his head slightly to clear his mind, a mannerism he had picked up recently.

“As I was saying, two days from now we’re heading over West to deal with the Chitauri tech that is now a burning pile of shit thanks to—”

Vision didn’t mean to zone out again, but it was so easy to take a backseat in such conversations when he had the assurance that his brain would keep track of anything important Tony said. Lately he had been wishing that his brain was human, or at the very least that it wouldn’t move so fast so that he might be able to get a bit of peace and quiet.

His thoughts were always on her, Vision just couldn’t help it. At home he was always scouring the internet, dreading the moment he might see her name pop up on news feeds as it had with Sam’s the previous week. When he was away for work there was always a small part of his brain filtering through local security cameras, half hopeful that he would catch a glimpse of her somewhere nearby. She was a constant distraction, and it was becoming one of the many things making him seriously doubt the decision he had made those long weeks earlier. Which was strange because that decision had been a logical, rational answer to their problem, it had been a preventative measure for heartbreak. So why was his heart still hurting?

It had been six months since the events in Germany had divided the team he had come to know as friends. The absence of those who had brought such life to the compound had been noticed immediately. But it was Wanda whose absence he struggled with most, both while she was imprisoned and after Captain Rogers had broken her out.

Vision had gotten by on snippets of information fed to him through Natasha, to Tony and then finally to him. He had a suspicion that Stark had known exactly what he was doing in given that information to him. Sometimes it was mentioning which city their old teammates had been in the previous week, other times it was switching off the old school radio in his office just in time for Vision to hear Natasha’s voice crackling from it. Eventually, Vision had gathered enough pieces of the puzzle that he was able to track which radio frequencies they had been using to communicate with each other. He’d listened long enough to discover where Wanda was going to be next and showed up unannounced, despite the danger, despite the bridges burnt between them and the different paths they were on. But Wanda had welcomed him into her arms without hesitation and it had become clear that their connection was still there, as strong as ever. One thing had led to another and before he knew it, he was making time to travel and see her every few weeks. She usually chose Europe, and he was happy to see the world, if it was with her.

Their last trip hadn’t gone so well. They’d nearly gotten caught because Vision had slipped up on his way out of their rental property one morning, forgetting to glamour himself and letting someone get a photo of him. It had been circulating the internet and local media before Vision could stop the spread. Thankfully, Tony had a press release ready to go for this exact situation and made it clear that Vision was acting strictly within the limits of the Accords. It could have gone a lot worse, but it had also made several things clear to him. Their argument after the incident had been bad, to say the least.

“Isn’t it better we stop now before it hurts us both?” Vision cried after half an hour spent arguing over who ought to leave the apartment first. The damage was done on his side so if Vision was seen again it wouldn’t matter, but if Wanda was seen in the same city, he could kiss his currently peaceful relationship with the UN goodbye. On the other hand, if anyone decided to look too closely at his whereabouts of the last few days, Wanda would be discovered, and he didn’t know what he would do. The idea of her getting caught and imprisoned again was sickening.

The argument had got them nowhere. Each was too concerned about the other. He wanted her to leave, regardless of the risk this posed to himself, meanwhile Wanda wanted him to leave before he got caught with her and a target was placed on his back as well.

In the end the decision had to be made.

“It already hurts,” she’d yelled back at him, her eyes telling Vision all he needed to know.

“I cannot keep putting you at risk like this.”

“I am not asking you to!” She’d turned her head skyward in frustration. “This is worth it for me. You don’t get to make this decision for both of us!”

“I am making this decision,” Vision said his voice thick with emotion, walking backwards to the door, “and I am deciding to leave, before neither of us can.”

He’d hovered at the door, coat in hand but she’d already turned away to look out the window, watching rain drizzle dismally outside.

“Then go.”

He’d checked hundreds of radio frequencies in the weeks since, but had never caught them again, figuring that the four must have changed communication tactics since. It didn’t stop him from using the burner number that Tony had given him to reach Natasha. He was sure his messages were getting through, but there was never a reply. He supposed he was not really owed anything considering he was the one who had walked out. It didn’t matter that he’d regretted his decision ever since. Wanda didn’t know that he’d missed two trains all because he couldn’t bring himself to take the next, more final step away from her and everything they had been together.

Back in reality Tony had come to the end of his debrief and had ended the call they’d been on with various other officials related to managing the presence of super-humans in the country.

“When are we leaving on Thursday?” Vision asked, a hopeless attempt at pretending he’d been listening properly.

“Iam leaving on Thursday afternoon; you are staying here.”

Vision was stumped. “Why?”

“Because you are in no state to be heading out on a potentially sensitive mission right now, you could barely pull yourself together for a meeting, Vision.”

Tony sighed with such disappointment that Vision regretted being so absent the last few weeks. He’d been sure to be there as much as he could after the team had disbanded, allowing Tony to delegate to him when needed. But this last month he’d let things slide more than he’d realised, Tony looked tired.

“I’d like to disagree with your decision,” Vision began, standing as Tony made to leave the room, “but I cannot help but think you’re right. If I could just have the weekend to reassess my priorities, I would be back to regular working capacity by Monday.”

“And I want to say I believe you,” Tony said leading the way back through the compound. “But you don’t have a good track record with this particular type of distraction.”

Vision hovered by the front door with his head hung in shame. He heard the beeping of Tony unlocking his car and the soft hiss of air as the door opened automatically.

“She’s in New Jersey this week.”

Vision paused on his closing of the front door.

“I thought you should know,” Tony said rubbing at his chin as he paused by the car, “Address is 22 Steel street, don’t get caught.”

Wanda hated how much America reminded her of Vision now. That was why she was thinking about him so much – it was definitely New Jersey’s fault. It was the proximity to the upstate Compound that had her thinking of him so often. It had to be.

They were done, Vision had made that so very clear the last time she had seen him. But it hadn’t stopped her staying another few days at the house they had rented together in some desperate attempt to come to terms with yet another person leaving her life. At least he was still out there, living a life just not with her.  

She pressed her palms into the kitchen bench and took a deep breath. She was halfway through washing up the dishes from the day, but she’d already slipped and broken one glass by accident and was on the verge of giving up. It was frustrating. Wanda could control other people’s minds with ease. She hadn’t had reason to in a while but that didn’t mean she couldn’t feel that dormant aspect of her power waiting to be used. So how come she couldn’t manage her own mind? Why was she grieving the loss of someone still alive?

Wanda knew that Steve and Nat had struggled to understand what she had with Vision, and it didn’t help that she herself struggled to put it into words. They hadn’t labelled themselves in the months since they started stealing moments together, it had all been to see if there was something more there. Something worth pursuing. And well, Wanda had thought they were on the same page but evidently, she’d been wrong. She just couldn’t bring herself to believe that those feelings weren’t real. Hope was a pain in the ass.  

And she supposed her alertness these past few days could be owed to him as well. Of course, there was the general haze of fear to consider, the fear that one of these days a SWAT team would arrive at her door to take her back to prison. But on the other side of that coin, she knew there was a fraction of her that was listening out for him. It was painful, knowing he was so close. It didn’t stop her listening out for him, for his soft footsteps, his steady breathing, for the comforting presence of him and the way their minds called out to each other. Even before they’d started meeting like this, he had always been the first one she looked for in a fight, the first person her eyes fell on when she walked in a room, the one person she always wanted to have in her corner.

She paused the absentminded drying of a plate and realised that the imagined footsteps outside weren’t in her head. There was most definitely someone walking up and down the creaky floorboards of the run-down townhouse she’d been assigned to for the two weeks. She’d picked the floorboards out as her first warning if any unwanted guests stopped by the property, probably followed by the breaking of the two locks in the front door.

The closer she listened the more she could hear weight shifting and creaking wood.

Wanda crept through the still unfamiliar house, out of the kitchen and down the dim hallway to the door. As she approached the pacing paused and she distinctly heard a fist rapping on the wooden door three times.

She rose on her toes to peer through the peep hole. A familiar figure was standing on the porch with a head of neat, sandy hair and a carefully pressed blue shirt. Her hand flew to her mouth to hide the exclamation of surprise threatening to come forth. She dropped her hand quickly and stepped back, subconsciously reaching out and letting her magic unlock the door, sending it swinging open.

Wanda didn’t really know what to say as Vision turned around at the sound of the door creaking open. She simply stood there looking at him, fearful that she was imagining things and that he wasn’t really here. She tilted her head in question.

“Mr Stark told me you were here,” Vision said quietly, glancing over his shoulder as though worried someone might be watching them, but the street at his back was deserted. “I’m sorry for just showing up out of the blue.”

Wanda folded her arms, wrapping her cardigan further around herself against the night chill from outside. A deeper cold was spreading through her at the unnatural tension between them, even as she fought the urge to step forward and embrace him. “And why are you here?” She asked instead.

“I made a mistake, and I’d like to fix it.”

“How?”

“I’d like to start by talking, if you wouldn’t mind me coming in?”

Wanda bit her lip hesitantly but knew she couldn’t keep him waiting out on the doorstep. She stepped to the side and nodded for him to come in.

Wanda led him to the kitchen and settled herself opposite the table, so she could lean with the comforting pressure of the kitchen bench at her back.

She watched his eyes flicker about as he entered the space, taking in the washing in the sink, the bread open on the counter and the remains of her supper littered here and there. She suddenly wished she’d finished cleaning quicker. Wanda saw a lot in his gaze, knowing from months of meeting up as a fugitive that he was concerned about how well she was eating on the run. His gaze turned to her next, taking in her clothes, her face, the distinct bags under her eyes and Wanda couldn’t help but soften her stance, unfolding her arms but maintaining the distance she needed.

Vision had dropped his human glamour as soon as he entered the house and she watched as he now stood before her, hardly believing it was real.  

“I will not attempt to make excuses, I owe you more than that,” Vision said after a beat seemingly to collect himself. She was unnerved by his unwavering eye contact but met him head on.

“I was wrong. I thought that putting space between us was the right thing to do but I regretted that as soon as I left you standing there. I have regretted it every day since. I know that I was afraid, afraid of what we might become if I didn’t stop things where they were.” He paused for breath. “It wasn’t until I sat on the train that I realised the idea of living a life without you hurt more than I could bear. Perhaps that makes me selfish, wanting to keep meeting up and putting you at risk. But it is the truth. And if I could change things, if I could go back, I would behave differently.”

Wanda felt her breath loose out over her lips, a quiet sigh of relief.

“I would have told you all this the day after I left if I knew how I might reach you. I’m sorry.”

Wanda swallowed, taking a breath to think about what he had said. There was little to think about, she had forgiven Vision the moment she realised it was him standing on her porch. Learning now that he had tried to reach out for her in the past few weeks, something she hadn’t dared hope, and that she had stubbornly not let him in hurt more than she’d expected it to. They’d both made mistakes.

“As much as I hated being left like that, I understand why you did,” Wanda said earnestly.

“I was a fool,” Vision said shaking his head shamefully.

“That makes two of us.” Wanda smiled softly at him.

“I never could have stayed away,” he admitted, gesturing restlessly with his hands.

“I should have let you in sooner.”

Vision wasn’t often hesitant, but he paused before his next words. “Can you forgive me?” He stepped forward as he spoke.

This movement was all the invitation Wanda needed and she pulled away from the bench as he drew closer. They met each other in the middle, his arms coming around her waist, her hands sliding over his shoulders in a hug. They swayed for a moment, relishing the closeness.

“Forgiven,” she murmured to him, though she was sure the hug said it clearer. “No going back,” she added, considering making a joke about cold feet.

“I can’t help but think this was inevitable,” he said quietly from where his chin was pressed to her shoulder, his breath ruffling her hair. “That no matter the bridges we burnt, or how our paths changed, you were always going to be my future.” She hugged him tighter.

“But we need rules from now on,” Wanda said drawing back a little so she could see his face clearly, “like not getting photographed by tourists.”

“I will never live that down, will I?” Vision groaned but smiled nonetheless.

“Never,” she whispered, scrunching her nose at him affectionately, then growing more serious, “please don’t leave me again.”

“Never,” he promised pressing his forehead to hers in understanding.

[ldyinblckmsk]

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki X F! Reader

Genre: Angst(?)

Words: 2k

----------------------------------------------

'I remember the very first time I laid my eyes on you. I knew at that moment we were going to be at each other's throats. And as expected, we did. And it will be the favorite day that I've always cherished even if that means leaving another gush on my cheeks.'

"Don't you fucking tell me to move aside, stupid extra." You were taken aback by his lashing, laughing cynically as you clench your jaw when he sent you flying The pain resonates at your rear and it was a perfect moment that you've had a not so-nice impression on your very first day at the hero course in UA.

"Fuckin' asshole!" You launched a clear hit on his face when he turn his back on you, completely lowering his guard down. If Aizawa didn't interjects, the two of you will end up in a bone crushing fight.

We've spent so much time together, with me being a leech to you half of the time, annoying the hell out of you, pestering you to have a bad day. My day will never be complete without you screaming my name just to insult me when you fell to one of my pranks again.

"Where's that fucking shitty woman?! Y/n! I swear I'm gonna rip your head off when I found you!" Your classmates' heads snapped towards your direction, silently questioning you what you did to the feral blond. You feign innocence, giggling at the curses he was enchanting while going down the stairs. Kirishima only shakes his head muttering how unmanly it is.

"Oh? That's if you can find me, gremlin!" You shout loudly enough before you hide yourself at Kiri's back, seeing him nearing you as you giggled like a child.

"Fuckin- I'm gonna fucking kill you for real! Don't you fucking hide behing shitty hair. I'm going to blast your stupid head off."

"I- uh...didn't do anything?"

Lo and behold, the masterpiece you've had drawn on Bakugou's face. Different colors of permanent markers were painted like a doodle. You heard them gasps, mumbling how the hell he can wipe that off. Tenya looked at you in disappointment and it's enough for you to realize that you've gone too far.

Sparks were flying from his hands as he activated his quirk, really serious about impaling you. You held your arms up, waving a your white handkerchief as you surrender, lips quivering to hold the soft laughs in your mouth.

"L-look, it's only fair! You burned my uniform. I'm only doing it for revenge."

"That's because you fucking threw a bottle of ketchup on my notes, you lil piece of shit!"

"I didn't threw it, it was an accident! I fucking dropped it 'kay? It was your fault for leaving your things in the kitchen." Truth be told, you accidentally dropped the bottle...but you may or may not used the paper to wipe it off the floor.

The day ended up with you locked up in his room while helping him clean up his face. It was the class president's idea to do it so which was supported by your homeroon teacher who happens to passed by the chaos. You were quite thankful for Iida since the two of you were slowly warming up, having a truce, and rarely on each other's throats.

That was when you became his bestfriend aside from the red haired boy.

It was fate that decided that things are better off this way. After all, it was supposed to be like this. It was already destined from the start and you hate the universe for that.

It's dreading. It's hurting you. The pain is too much to bear for your vulnerable state. But there's nothing you can do about it but to wish happiness upon others.

The sound of the rain hitting the roof of the evangelical architecture followed by the roaring of thunder harmonizes with the beats of melancholy drumming inside your heart.

Clutching tightly around the bouquet of hydrangea and irises with your trembling hands, you let out a heavy sigh as you wait for the instruction of the organizer. The smooth fabric clinging perfectly to your body with the flower crown nestled on top of your head almost makes you feel perfect and pretty.

The organ that's trapped in your rib cage hammering violently against your chest as it silently screams its agony—only you who can hear it. You shut your eyes tightly while you're barely containing the bottled up emotions. No, you aren't going to break down now. You shouldn't ruin it. If anyone is going to pay attention to you, they might think that you're going crazy with all the mumbling of convincing yourself to stay put.

You, then, watch the organizer standing by the huge, oak door that was adorned by the hints of purple and pink hues, nervously glancing inside while making sure that everything goes according to the plan. Of course, everything should be running smoothly for this very special day. She gotta witness the wedding of the famous pro-hero in Japan. Of course, she gotta do her job right for this intimate occasion.

As you saw her raising her hand— a signal that it was your turn to walk down the aisle, you swallowed the lump that was forming in your throat, preparing yourself not to crumble to pieces. The ache on the left side slowly spreading all throughout your body as they opened the door.

Harsh lighting coming from the huge chandeliers blinding your eyes when you stepped inside the sacred room. All eyes were dead set on you. Familiar ones met your gaze—friends, families, and some pro-heroes. The wedding was kept from the public, not wanting any unwanted attention from the media, so the invitation was limited to their close circle.

The tune of very familiar melody hits your ears, A Thousand Years is smoothly playing in the background, echoing across the walls of the church. The pitter-patter of the precipitation against the roof mixing in, the gods' way of sending their sympathy to your forlorn heart.

Different pairs of eyes lingering at your form while the anxiousness eating your insides making you wish that you'll melt into a puddle. You never really like the attention and with the tangled wires in your brain, one wrong move is all it takes for the welling up in your eyes to burst like a dam and that's the last thing you wanted to happen.

For a moment, you blamed yourself for the hasty decision you've made. You should just have stayed home or fly across the other side of the world when you received the invitation. You should have just have Mina relayed your best wish and not attend the event. You shouldn't have trusted yourself, believing at your foolishness that you'll make through it. You shouldn't have thought it lightly.

One step and it almost makes your knees buckles and swayed slightly. The five-inch heels that the pink girl insisted did a worse part. Who knew that walking through the aisle is the most difficult thing to do...especially when you're not the bride. You don't know what face you're making of. You just wish that the faux smile plastered on your face didn't make you look pathetic and broken.

Amidst the ocean of eyes, you're eyes found him like there was some kind of magnet in it drawing yours to his infinite pools of red. Just like back in your highschool days, it was always him. It never change.

There he was, standing near the altar, clad in a tailored suit that perfectly hugged his body with his unkempt blond locks and your favorite scowl that permanently painted on his face. His vermilion eyes locked with yours, sensing the softness in it that he only unravel to you which you've painfully mistaken of him sharing the same feeling with you.

'I was the one who witness your bare soul. I was there when you've had enough of the bullshits around you, comforting you when you let out your frustrations. I've witnessed how strong you've become and the weakness you're fighting back in order to chased your dreams. Pursuing your goal to be the greatest hero who'll surpass All Might.

I told that you are already the greatest hero for me which you only replied with a roll of your eyes and a smirk.'

You saw him shift his weight to the other foot, jaw clenching, and fists balling up on his sides—his actions that you were familiar with. He's nervous.

As much as you want to shout an encouragement and assure him that everything's going well, it seems that you're the one who needs it the most for you are so close to tearing up and bawl your eyes out. It's frustrating and painful and hopeless. It's torture. But as a dear friend you are, you winked at him, then you did the archer stance, arms raising steadily with the bouquet on your right hand, shooting him your famous invisible arrow. You heard your classmate's giggles as they witnessed again your legendary 'Love Arrow Attack'

You offered him your saccharine smile when you saw how he rolled his eyes at your quirkiness. With your little gesture, you know it's enough to calm down his nerves when you saw him easing his stance while the corners of his mouth tugging a bit upwards—the rare smile that didn't fail to make your heart leapt.

You know him too well. His body. His favorites. His moodiness. His scent. His body language. You know him so much that you can write an entire whole ass book dedicated for the pro-hero. You just knew him.

'You didn't know it but I fell in your trap. Hardly. Every scrunch of your eyebrow and clicking of your tongue were memorized by my brain. Every insulting nicknames that left past your lips where automatically translated into a sweet endearment. Those moments where you shouts my name, scolding me for my clumsiness, or those little skin contact we had. I still remember all of it. It's forever etched in my mind, imprinted those once in a lifetime memories.

You continued walking, finding your balance as you slowly dragging your feet towards his direction. You remember the organizer reminding you to walk slowly and enjoy the moment. You have the urge to slap her face and scream at her that there's nothing to enjoy about. That walking at an agonizingly slow strides towards the altar where he's standing inflicts a deep pain. That you feel any emotions but the positive ones while the reality struck you hard. It is their wedding. And you can't feel anything to enjoy it.

I was greedy, selfish. I wanted everything goes according to my plan. If I want something, I make sure that it always ended up in my palms. That's how full of selfish desires I have. But...you can't just really go against fate, right? Being with you taught me things about love. They say that when people's in love, all they wish is happiness for each other.

That's why I'm here. Seeing you happy is enough for me to back down.'

As your feet trampled the purple petals sprawling across the red carpet, fat tears slowly dripping to your cheeks. It's blurrinng your vision yet you still continue to close the gap between the two of you.

One.

Three.

Four steps, you're face to face. You hide your sobs with a chuckle as you wipe the tears that's straining your makeup.

"143 637!" You shouted but it only makes the blond wrinkled his forehead, clearly confused at your cryptic message. "What the fuck you tryna sayin'?"

You shakes your head, relief flooded your body. "Nah, just trying the sweepstakes. Easy money."

"Fuckin' sappy, shitty woman." He grumbles as you hugged him. So tight that you felt him tensed up.

One last hug.

"I-I was just so happy. Thought you'll die single." You stood beside him, facing the door that's slowly opening.

'I'll still support you. I'll always be here whenever you need me. I'll always love you even if we didn't end up together. Because I'll always be your bestfriend.'

"143 637, Katsu. I love you, always and forever." You mumbled under your breath.

•••

[oceanivoxjoquainx]

Let's talk about Eric Effiong

Let's be honest Eric's storyline and characterization is one of the most appealing out of all the characters in Sex Education periodt. A true gay, fierce, Drag QUEEN and I feel like ranting about this amazing force of nature. (Spoilers. Duh.)

When I saw the trailer for Sex Education it didnt even hit me that Eric was gay until I read the synopsis. Was just like "Oh I wonder which one of these three mains are the gay one people keep talking about" even after I saw him in drag like a dumbass 😣😂. Personally im glad we've reached a point where gay guys aren't overly feminine and even the brightest colours won't differ a character from the rest (unless I'm just a blind bish and he was obviously gay from the trailer) ei 👏🏾 ther 👏🏾 way; his character was refreshing when I started watching the show. I immediately clicked with him and knew what every look he gave or hand gesture he did meant. Felt nice. When Adam pushed him into the locker for the first time and started with the heterohomoerotic bs I knew that Adam had a raging boner for Eric and was another internalized homophobic bully™ and wasn't really excited for what was to come but I knew it was coming and tbh I liked it in the end.

Eric and Otis' friendship is so pure. Like?!? Get me a straight supportive bestie lilke Otis? Ik they fought but even then Otis was respectful and kept his boundaries and let Eric go through the motions before immediately belting into an apology at the first chance he got. Their dancing scene?!? Iconic. The fact that Eric sees Otis' house as safe and another home?!? Iconic. Otis going drag with Eric to watch an LGBT+ movie as a TRADITION (meaning they've done it numerous times)?!?! Iconic. The fact that Otis was straight up ditching Eric and Eric STILL tolerated him and let him do his thing without too much pressure!?! The most iconic of them all. Just pure love and respect all around.

I am so proud of Erics growth over the course of the season starting from a naive and scared gay doormat to facing homophia and getting beat up by those assholes on his birthday no less to losing his best friend and becoming depressed to channeling that anger into defending himself when people tried him to getting his sparkle back and coming back more fierce that ever before.

Speaking of him getting his sparkle back lets talk about that and why that scene is so important. A random guy asked Eric for directions and Eric noticed his nails were polished and the guy was wearing earrings and he was a big ole black dude. He was like Eric. When Eric noticed that the guy was out, loud, glamorous and proud he immediately switched back into the bright colourful and wonderfully gay Eric we all know and love.

THIS IS WHY REPRESENTATION MATTERS!!!!

It shows people that its okay to be who they actually are and inspires those who are lost to find or return to their true selves. Representation isn't just some offhand thing to throw on a character last minute. And even if you can relate to other characters who arent like you, it is always an amazing feeling to have a character that IS like you. It turned Eric from a popularity seeking doormat into a hurricane with 6 inch heels who was ready to straight up beat down a bully he's had for 4 years. It even inspired him to go back to church and rejoin a community that he closed off. That's exactly how it feels to have someone successful in the media and your life to look up to. Eric only interacted with that man for a few minutes but those few minutes changed his life for the better. So that's a lovely reminder for all who love to bash representation.

Back tracking to Eric's dull colourless period after the attack and his fight with Otis. It was saddening to see one of the brightest characters go dull and even the school felt it. He turned from a guy who rarely stood up for himself and what he wanted into the sass master he reserved only for his friends. All of his built up anger was released causing him to explode on Mr Hendricks (who is adorable tbh and just trying to do his best) and Anwar (I was proud of that punch you go glenn co co) and he even sounded off on his dad who he's usually passive aggressive to at worst. Just goes to show that the happiest faces can harbor the biggest pains and can snap. Moral of the story? Protect the happy few.

Eric also has a great family. Like that obviously know Erics gay and wears dresses because its all right there in his room which his parents enter at their leisure and while it seems that they're a bit homophobic its revealed that they (Erics dad at least) just wants Eric to be safe as he's already a target for being black and apart of an immigant family. He accepts Eric for who he is and what he does he just doesnt want anyone else to give him shit for it and if that's not one of the sweetest things in this world idek what is. Eric and his dad was probably one of my favorite dynamics in the show and watching his dad slowly fully accept that his son was strong and able to stand for himself he was able to become stronger too. This dynamic is important because I never see any gay black characters have a close relationship with their fathers and it was very heartwarming to watch.

Now onto Erics love life. He has a crush on the highschools other only gay guy Anwar who's the typical mean sassy gay we've all come to expect in highschool dramas. Otis saying that Eric doesnt have to have a crush on the only other openly gay guy at school was such a mood as its commonly shown that any gays in close proximity should get together. When Eric punched him I internally went "Finally!" Because all those jeers were becoming annoying. I'm glad Anwar got to come out to his mum over it though. And straight up told the audience that Eric didn't like feminine guys (alluding to him and Adams eventual clean up scene as of we didn't see it coming already).

Moving on to Adam tho, like I said we all been knew that this

was indeed coming and even though I hate the bully x bullied trope I still ended up liking it and hoping that Adam would change. The building up to that kiss was long awaited from episode 1 straight through to 8 with all the longing looks that Adam kept side glancing Eric with and the face cupping and the growls and the lingering touches. I just kept going sthdjksksbslaldbd when one of those moments happened followed shortly after with disgust because gays falling for their abuser is washed up but then immediately going back to jajaklamabsldkd because im shipping trash so 🤷🏿. Eric stepping to Adam in at the ball was one of the most iconic scenes of the show (along with the "Its My Vagina" scene) and the exchange between him and Adam gave be actual chills. The tension was THICCCC. Erics OUTFIT to the ball gave me chills 😭😭 dude came to slay and had everyone at that school proper shook and I honestly could NOT be more proud. I was hoping Adam would become a better person over the course of the season but nope so hopefully they cover all the issues that Adam has in season 2 and properly give him a redeption arc cuz he's still a trashy pos he's just a disaster bi on top of it. (Adam immediately going to suck Eric off is confidence I can only dream of achieving 💀💀) The lab scene was also cute but made me mad because how could Adam look scared, confident and still be a douchebag all in the span of a few seconds was beyond me. A+ acting on Connor Swindells part. I can see why Adam would have to stay in the closet and keep their... relationship?? a secret because it seems like Headmaster Groff would be a homophobic piece of shit and would add to the ever growing list of things Adam did wrong. Even so it doesn't excuse the fact that Adam is in fact a bully and Eric deserves much better. Was sad seeing Adam being driven off from Eric in the end tho. Eric thought that Adam didn't want to see him at all and was probably heartbroken and probably thinks Adam left because of him (my poor baby 😭😭). I feel bad for Adam too because he was just starting to express himself and was at the beginning of a redemption arc when he was just wisked away from the boy he's loved for what seems to be a very long time. I just want my boys to be happy and non toxic and I wish their relationship and them all the best in Season 2.

Eric Effiong is my favorite character in the show and I really want to thank Ncuti Gatwa for portraying him so well and for the shows writers who gave him a very fleshed out character with an amazing storyline and conclusion. His growth was incredible and his strength is immeasurable. I'm 100% certain that he will be a character the community remembers for years to come. Patiently now waiting on what's to come in Season 2 💙🙌🏾.