#But I'm definitely seeing more negative posts about it than‚ say‚ a few years ago

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This will be more of a personal post sprinkled with some thoughts on AYS?!, so for those interested strictly in shipping content, you can skip this.

I couldn't help myself yesterday to wait until my work schedule was done. So I watched the first two episodes during lunch break and work, while using the keyboard from time to time to not appear offline.

And then a second time in the evening, without as many interruptions. I even texted my sister to remind her that the episodes have been released (she has JK's songs on her playlists and that's where it stops). My tone was very casual, as if I just remembered it was already up. As if I haven't actually been thinking and obsessing about that show for a year now. But that's because I can't let this online, fandom "life" seep through my other, "real" one. I've always struggled with my feelings of shame over being part of such spaces. Which is why I avoided them completely. Up until four years ago. I'm still dealing with it. I don't want to tell people that I have an interest in a kpop ship and that it's been ongoing for a few years now. It feels to foreign to the image I allow others to have of me and this kpop stuff is childish to say the least. I've fallen victim to the talking points I've argued against intellectually. But life doesn't work that way. My rational brain doesn't get along with my feelings.

So I keep my thoughts about shipping, fandoms, jikook here. And I share them with friends and people that have a connection to it. It's why I have a blog. So I can post a photo of jikook holding hands at the beginning of their journey and at least 10 people will understand it cause they like the same thing. I'm not a loser on my own here so the thought feels comforting.

I didn't have specific expectations about AYS?!, but I felt happy watching it. It was different, but a good different. Having the opporrtunity to witness them from morning till evening without any interruptions painted an interesting picture and it's the first time to see some parts of their dynamic.

They bicker, they flirt, they get lovingly annoyed, they get bored, they get silent, they get touchy. It feels more real than any 2-min clip from a Memories DVD could possibly show us. I don't want picture perfect jikook because it doesn't exist. Being in stan spaces, all I see everyday is worship, a mentality that is then transfered to the people surrounding the idol. But I don't want JK to worship Jimin 24/7 or vice versa. That's not a real relationship of any kind. I want to see them treat each other like they're just people. Which is what they did. Too bad that some have interpreted that as negative when in fact all we got were clear signs of actual closeness. And nothing beats it like Jungkook's attitude towards Jimin being sick. Shippers/supporters have clips and endless arguments on hand to explain the closeness between jikook, but honestly? That first evening in the cabin when JM was in the bathroom and subsequently the next morning should be the sole argument from now on. It can't be more obvious if it hit us in the head.

It's not about needing confirmation at every step of them being a couple. At least I don't need that. In the long run, it wouldn't even matter if they're not. What's noticeable is that they appear to be one and that doesn't come out of thin air.

Is my mood volatile these days? Yes. Actually these past few months. Do I need this show as one of those feel good series? Definitely, because there's nothing else out there to catch my attention in terms of tv content. I don't want to pick apart and poke holes and question every single line to make myself feel miserable. Everything else is too bad and I am too lame so I rely on this show for a short, temporary thing that improves my mood. I don't care about other things, doubts or worries. I really really just want to enjoy jikook doing whatever they want. I don't have high standards.

[abby118]

It makes me so happy to see I’m not alone here. Honestly the Loki fandom is so fucking isolating, and I feel like if you say you prefer Pre-series Loki/Loki Prime whatever….you get shit flung at you. This fandom has done a really good job at making me scared to share my opinions. (Hell, I can’t even criticize the TVA without “UWU THE TVA ARE SMOL ANGST BLORBOS WITH TRAUMA! THEY’RE LOKI’s WHOLESOME FOUND FAMILY WHO HELPED HIM!!!”) It’s helped me a little bit to remember Loki in the series is a variant of our boy, because like…he’s literally nothing like Loki in the slightest and no offense to the fans, but it feels like a majority of them haven’t even TOUCHED the previous films. (Literally saw a post calling them old and outdated.)

Thank you for this blog. 🥺

Ooh yes, mhm. It can be isolating, for sure, but I also think we're fortunate that it did split into pre and post ragnarok eras of the fandom because some fandoms die when its source material gets retconned. I definitely relate to the opinion aimed towards the new "fans"; they're one of the most disrespectful and meanest people I have had the displeasure of interacting with in fandom spaces and I've been on this site for a while now.

And no, the character in the series is not a variant of Loki. The *only thing they share is a name, which has been stolen from the original character it rightfully belongs to, with the intent of cashing in on the fans. I refuse to refer to him as the same character. *They do share the same actor too, and as much as it hurts to say it, because Tom Hiddleston has been my favourite actor since I can remember - I was literally 9 when I joined the fandom when T1 came out..(for context, I'll be turning 22 this year), I no longer relate to how he views, or seems to view, Loki. And don't get me wrong, he will always be the person who played my favourite character, that will not change, but I do not see his interpretation of Loki as my own anymore. It doesn't even match his old one. And I know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

The TVA is a topic I don't have the energy to get into but it is beyond problematic. I'll just say that, I'm sure we all know what I'm getting at there. And I wouldn't even say it "feels" like the newer people haven't touched the movies. I have spoken to a few of them and it is an actual thing, apparently. Some of them started with ragnarok...which does explain a lot...and never bothered to check the original ones. And then they complain about feeling unwelcome among the fanbase, I wonder why that is, huh? - "I feel like if you say you prefer Pre-series Loki/Loki Prime whatever….you get shit flung at you. This fandom has done a really good job at making me scared to share my opinions."

Don't listen to them. Block them. They are not interactions that would bring you enjoyment or any sort of positive feeling and that's not what fandoms are supposed to be like, trust me. If you genuinelly feel upset about people's takes and opinion aimed towards you, you have every right to avoid them. Tumblr has no algorithm and blocking is nothing but curating your experience, you don't owe anything to these people. I, myself, have done this, including filtering tags, and it is so much more peaceful than when I rejoined (beacuse I changed blogs). Still, no longer being able to go to the main tag is incredibly sad.

Find a group of people you can interact with, follow the tags that are more specific and avoid what doesn't benefit your fun here. And thank you for being here, really. Especially for reaching out 💚🖤 I'm very glad you like my blog. I'm just doing my own thing, which in my case, means trying to stay true to the fandom I loved and enjoyed (and still do) from years ago, regardless of the notes or what people say. Because, at the end of the day, all that matters is your own enjoyment. I'm trying not to post too much negativity towards post2013 despite having a lot to say because there are blogs who do that, and do so well (thank you guys), and we need one that's focused on the good things too, but sometimes it really is needed. So thank you for the opportunity.

[moghedien]

Silly but serious question. If someone were interested in WOT due to your posts about it/the Forsaken, do you think that person would probably enjoy the books? Assuming that person already enjoys fantasy and all the usual bells and whistles.

Its hard for me to say definitely without knowing you or your personal tastes and whatnot. I am one that won't just blanket recommend wheel of time. It's my favorite book series, but its also like 4 million words long so I know that its not gonna be most people's thing, ya know?

If you're already interested though, I don't really see a reason not to try the books, so long as you're aware of its length and the fact that the overarching story can take a bit to get into. It's also got some dated tropes and things that will seem unoriginal and overused (partially because it is, partially because a lot of modern fantasy is inspired by WoT). Its a product of its time and the author had hangups. It came out over 30 years ago and all that. I dont' think its as bad as some people make it out to be though. I've read some "progressive" fantasy from around the same time period that I think handles some issues waaaaaay worse than WoT. but you know, just be aware that things in it aren't perfect.

Also if you're specifically interested in the Forsaken, there is a whole lot of Forsaken nonsense throughout the series, but it does take a few books to really get into that aspect. You see some of it in the first books, but it doesn't really get going until a few books in.

If you haven't watched the TV show, you might get some more immediate forsaken gratification there,, but the show hasn't gotten to the point where they really start being a thing yet either (next season tho!) so there's that to consider. it just makes certain ones more present and in your face than the early books, which I do enjoy.

Basically, my answer is just: idk but it doesn't hurt to try the books. Just know that the first book is kinda intentionally formulaic and meant to resemble other fantasy series, but it sheds that by book 2 and sort of becomes the Wheel of Time in book 4 imo

If you're gonna read the books, start with book 1, not the prequel. You can read the prequel after book 5 but probably better placed after book 10 when it was published (in my opinion). If you've watched the show, you can read the prequel whenever you want though. If you wanna read the books before the show, read through book 3 before doing so

and just a word of warning/advice if you are going to read the books, which will contradict itself but listen: do not go looking at "new reader" advice from fans. Even well meaning book fans have this bad habit about "warning" new fans about certain things in the series which has a tendency to dishearten new fans and shade their opinions in negative ways. I'm not talking about content warning or things that a reader might need to know about for mental health or comfort reasons. I'm talking about books fans trying to warn people about the "boring" and "bad" parts of the series. I've done this in the past and I've always regretted it, and people that aren't warned ahead of time tend to have a better reading experience. Just don't go listening to fans

and also never ever ever ever google any characters name, I am being dead serious, everything about the series will be spoiled for you that way its happened to all of us learn from our mistakes. Like literally would rather gets asks with random questions about characters than for someone google a character's name

[eveningspirit]

We are now in the territory where certain people think they have a right to tell people what to ship, or act superior because they don't like the ship. Fandom isn't fun or safe when people aren't allowed to actually have fun and are actively told off for shipping to fictional characters. This is referring to the ask you reblogged. Basically everyone else is allowed to ship characters, expect King and Langdon; not to mention if we're calling this a predatory ship because Langdon is her 'boss' than what's Abott and Mohan, what's Robby and Collins? Both have one character who are technically their boss, and Collins wasn't even an R4 when her and Robby were together. She was probably like an R2-3. Both those ships have bigger age gaps, and seniority gaps yet that's fine.

Thank you for the ask.

Not sure which post you are referring, because today I reblogged two asks-and-answers, one of which was pro_platonic_frank-and-mel, and the other was pro-romantic-kingdon.

From the text of your ask, I believe you're a kingdon shipper. Meanwhile I am quite vocal about loving Frank's and Mel's potential friendship.

Now. I'm not sure who is actually being shunned for shipping? And I'll only speak about tumblr and AO3 in this post, because I don't go to twitter, threads, only look at official actor's instagrams, and don't participate in any other fandom spaces, discussion boards and whatnot.

The number of kingdon fanfics on AO3 is staggering. The few friendship fics that show up, are nearly invisible (btw, if any fic author writing Frank and Mel friendship (or ANY friendship on the show) reads this, please, let's all tag our stories "Friendship Fic". Those stories are so rare, and we should have a way to find them, if we so choose, right? :) right). So. No kingdon shipper has it hard on AO3. I think that point has been proven.

Now, as for tumblr, WE ALL have to remember one thing. As long as someone doesn't comment on your post, or doesn't send an ask directly to you, stating that 'you are predatory, or wrong, or whatnot'--you shouldn't feel offended. We all should be allowed to express our own opinions about the show in our own posts. That being said, it is better to express opinions ABOUT THE SHOW, not about how others interpret said show. But we can't control others, we can only control ourselves. And, to make our tumblr experience more enjoyable, we can always use block button on specific people, or block tags we don't want to see.

A tumblr etiquete tip--let's not post negative opinions in the character tags, in the ship tags and so on. When I was starting at tumblr several years ago, something like "anti-" tag was in use, so if you want to say something negative about kingdon, use "anti-kingdon" tag. Please.

BTW, I am sorry, I believe earlier today I did comment on that pro-kingdon post (in the tags), but it was more in a defensive way? I hope? I didn't try to attack anyone.

I wanted to talk about who is more shunned on tumblr, shippers, of friendshippers. But I won't. Because we all take certain opinions to heart and tend to ignore negative opinions that we agree with, not thinking that people of the opposite provenience may be hurt by them.

What I want to stress again, please, let's resepct each other. Let's allow others to enjoy their media in a way that makes them happy.

Only a small note to kingdon shippers--as in real world amatonormativity is the norm, so it is in this social media space. There's definitely more of you, fans of romance between Frank and Mel, than there is fans of their platonic friendship. We are a minority, as much as aroace people are a minority in the real world (although by percentage there's probably more of us here, than aroace peoples in the real world ;). Give us space to breathe. :)

Thank you all for reading. Peace.

[anakinsafterlife]

More Thoughts on Dune

I had to go see Dune again, so I booked the afternoon showing in the Imax theatre, which was bound to hurt my ears, especially whilst fasting, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. 😅

Having now seen the 1984 movie and the 2001 miniseries, I realize what a comparatively great job Villeneuve did with heavy issues like race and religion (1984 Fremen were all white, while 2001 looked mostly like tanned/slight darker Caucasians, with a few dark skinned extras. But both older versions are mostly very silly and, artistically speaking, poorly rendered. I can see why people kept trying to remake it).

I do still stand by my original post, because of course the director could have done better, but the movie is still a masterpiece and honestly a thousand times more sensitive and informed than the other two attempts to film it. I just feel like if they were going to go to comparatively great effort to get it right this time, why not go all the way and hire more Arab actors (there are plenty even in Hollywood), use more Arabic terms and religious accuracy, etc, instead of indulging in orientalist tropes.

Anyway, I won't go back into the rant, but basically the only negative things I noticed...

... the second time around, were 1) Added, probable anti-Russian racism in the Harkonnens. I didn't notice the first time because I was focused on the mixed treatment of the Space Arabs, but given that Dune was written in the 60s, I'm fairly sure that that the struggle between Harkonnen and Atreides represents the Cold War struggle between the USSR and the United States and Western Europe over physical resources and land power.

2) I also noticed this time copious usage of the "Yellow Middle Eastern Filter."

Even if you haven't heard of it, you have most definitely seen it. It's that yellow haze that lies across the landscape whenever American movies go to some place "exotic," like the Middle East, Mexico, India, etc. It's unspoken propaganda of the most insidious kind, as it imparts to the audience a sense that this place is dry, dusty, and dangerous. (Someone else IRL also mentioned to me that the yellow filter makes people's skin look darker, which is another valid point given the potentially racist implications and assumptions).

The yellow filter is so common, in fact, that I remember being shocked and uneasy when I moved to Dubai, some years back now, because the sky looked blue and normal and not, in fact, hazy and yellow. I didn't even know why I was confused at the time, as the filter is insidious enough that, even when you see it, you often don't really notice it. I only learned officially about the yellow filter a couple of years or so ago, and it makes me mildly furious now every time I actively notice it used in a movie.

So yes, that the yellow desert filter was used is another 'code' for Space Arabia. Which...obvious.

On the story side, I noticed that Jessica and Paul change sides in terms of their opinion of the "prophecy" and whether Paul should claim that narrative. Jessica seems initially opposed, saying, "Your father didn't believe in revenge," while Paul says that he does. But once he grows close to Chani, he eschews the prophecy, only embracing it again after he drinks the Water of Life. That is interesting, because the water gives clear prophecy that the drinkers see as absolute truth. They then attempt to fulfill those truths, which makes me think that these prophecies, like so many, are self-fulfilling. That also explains why Jessica's demeanor changed so absolutely after she drank the water. In becoming a Reverend Mother with prophetic insight, she ironically became less Fremen than she might have before. Is this a metaphor for even the friendliest Westerners losing their sincerity once they have 'tasted' the profits to be made in the Middle East/Global South? 🤔 (But also, obviously, Jessica was always a mother in this story and she would do anything to protect her son, including exploiting an entire culture and religion, *even* if it meant driving him away from her. That is, of course, why one of the first scenes in the movie is of her saving Paul's life by brutally murdering a man.)

I am so, so torn about this movie. I love it and am drawn to it in numerous complex ways that tie into my own personal history as a person who lives, culturally, at the crossroads of east and west. It also clearly articulates the struggle for power and resources that lies at the heart of colonialism and other extended occupations. Yet, again, I recognize the weaknesses of this movie as well as its many strengths.

So torn. Going away to cry now. 😢

[shootout-at-university-fair]

Four Years' Worth of Ramblings (and Pondering Life at Twenty)

It’s been about four years since I was even remotely active on here, even longer since I’ve made original content on this website. Well, in those four years since I’ve last used this blog, it’s safe to say I’ve officially grown up. I think I made this account when I was about 13. At that time, turning 20 genuinely felt like it would never come. As time tends to do, of course, it progressed - so here we are.

Given that I live in a country that would rather focus on banning social media apps and protecting genocidal governments that line their own pockets instead of, you know, helping its own citizens like a government is supposed to do, and one that is certainly fucked no matter who we end up electing this year, it just felt right to return to the website that radicalized me in the first place (especially when really the only other option is… *shudders* twitter).

I must say, it simultaneously feels weird and comforting to come back. As I enter my senior year of college (has it really been that long?), I’ve begun to look back at what has shaped me into the woman I am today. I know this website certainly had a hand. As I previously stated, this website truly formed my moral compass, at an age that I desperately needed something to. To those who have followed me in the past, and might still be lurking here today, I genuinely thank you for making me the woman I am today.

Now… what exactly has happened in these last few years? Well, a lot. These last four years have simultaneously been the best and worst years of my life so far (and seriously, from how my 2024 has mostly been going, fuck 2024). Let’s start with the negative and end with some positive things, shall we?

I've certainly had my share of shit thrown at me over the last few years, from having to file not one, but two Title IX complaints at my college within three years and going through my fair share of manipulative and abusive relationships (both platonic and romantic), to having - and overcoming an eating disorder. Somehow, I've survived (albeit with some added mental health medications and diagnoses - I expected most of them, but definitely not the borderline diagnosis).

It hasn't been all bad, though. Actually, some of these last few years have been really great. I finally have some real friends IRL (they're a bunch of losers - one is @hunter-blossom-5 if you want to see what the vibe is like, but they're my losers and I wouldn't trade them for the world), and I've fallen in love. Well, I mean, I've fallen in love several times over these last few years, but for once, I've fallen in love and know it's the right type of love: the love where even if the world is ending, it doesn't feel like that because you know that they will be beside you the entire time, and even more after? Yeah, I'm talking about that love. I know he has an account on here, but he's never told me what his username is. I hope that if he's reading it, he knows who I'm talking about - I love you, babe; always have, and always will.

I'm not sure exactly why I stopped posting, but I just did. I actively tried to distance myself from my days on here IRL. If you told me even two months ago that not only would I be revisiting so many of my old interests from my teenage years in my twenties, and being so open about my love for them, I would have thought you were insane. Something in the last few months in my brain just itched and longed for who I once was, the version of me I was when I was on here the most. Throughout a lot of these four years, I was incredibly rude towards the younger me present on this account, trying to bury her deep down to fit in more. I think I've been too harsh on her in my past, and just wish that I could go back in time, take back all the negative shit I've said about her, and just give her the largest hug - she definitely needed that more than the criticism I leveled instead. Well, time travel doesn't exist, and Back to The Future has taught me to never have yourself at two different ages meet. I think coming back here, showing her that as you get older you can still be you, is the best I can do for her in our universe.

Most of you have known me simply as mutantjediavenger on this platform. Some of you have known me as Ella, but for all who comes across this blog today, you can just call me El. You've earned it.

[alo-piss-trancy]

Btw even if I don't check in here as often as I used to, I really do appreciate all of you who stick with this blog anyways c': Especially since I barely post anything 'kinky' myself anymore. So this is mostly just a gaming/media rant and personal blog now oops

In some ways I'm definitely better off than I was a few years ago, but I've also been dealing with a lot of chaos in my life and household and it doesn't look like it's gonna get fixed very soon. Mix of financial, physical health of me and family I've been heavily assisting, house things in desperate need of repair...

On top of that I've been starting to realize I might actually have developed some form of Agoraphobia from all that time I was housebound before... and other stuff, but I think that was probably the main contributor. I'm still looking into it but with how a lot of the other things I've tried to cope haven't helped, meds don't seem to touch it much, and it seems to be getting worse, it's looking more and more likely than I'd like to admit. Which sucks bc it's also going to be hard af to keep up with working to treat it with Exposure or smth if I'm buried in all the above stuff/have limited transport/places to even go. It's really freaking hard when I do rarely go out and the anxiety/illness makes it so much worse. There've been times I've had to give up and go back early after like, an hour bc I was vomiting/crippled with pain/on the verge of fainting... and that's been happening more often. Like 1 in every 3 times, and I may only get out 3 times a month at the worst points.

Idk. I'm trying. I'm keeping up with the bare minimum rn and that's all I can really say lol

Also the only problem that's actually relevant to kink blog: my drive is still at 0 or even the negatives bc I can't get my medication sorted out bc my appointments got pushed back AGAIN ☠️ So yeah. That's why there has been no writing or hc posts and will not probably be for a WHILE. On God, it's about as appealing to me as eating dry cardboard 😔 Trying to write or draw anything fun is like pulling teeth and if I won't enjoy the end result then I'm not gonna bother RIP. When I get that sorted out maybe I can finally touch my poor WIP pile again 😭

Uh yeah so. That's why I've been so absent for like... forever. I do miss checking in here but I also get in my own head sometimes about posting when I'm not 'providing' anything this blog was intended for. Which I realise is dumb bc it's MY blog and if I want to rant about video games only for like a year straight then I'm allowed to. But brains are Fun like that 🥲

For what it's worth I'm not in like, a fullblown mental crisis so please don't worry about that! I'm not in any immediate danger or smth! I do have some other hobbies I've been keeping up with and socialising in other spaces. And I've been reading. So I promise I'm not in a complete isolated depression pit 💛 Life could definitely be better and I def have some rough days, but I have been trying to take some baby steps to either fix things or keep myself sane at least lol

Idk I just felt like I should explain why I've been mostly gone for ages off and on. I do lurk here sometimes to peek at things even if I don't have the energy to show myself. But I do really appreciate anyone who sends asks or comments on my ao3 or just reads my ramblings lol 💛 Even when I can't respond immediately I still treasure the gesture and it makes me happy to see some of the same names around in my notifs/dash c': So thank you~

[behindthewox]

Hi, Fish

How do you feel about idea "we miss you, come back" emails?

Yours, Dracula

Hiya!

Overall, I'm pretty neutral to it, assuming that it's executed with modesty and respect. Sometimes you come across a fun website (like WoX) but then close it down and forget about it and in that instance a reminder email is actually a good thing (just don't spam). I believe WoX (or at least WoP) used to have it years ago, if you were inactive for 2 weeks you received free VIP as an incentive to come back. It was removed because it was "abused" to code profiles for free, but that was back when coded profiles remained coded even after VIP ran out. Back in the days when the VIP cost less but was worth more.

It'd probably be more effective with a reward/incentive included, like free VIP for a week or a sum of IG money. It might be fun with an announcement in the chat when the person logs in, like "[name] has returned!" which may prompt other users to say hi and engage a little bit, making the person feel welcome, wanted and appreciated. The more positive associations you can get out of it, the more likely the person is to stay longer this time.

Speaking of positive associations, we also need to avoid negative impressions like fainting. To say "we miss you, please come back" and then slam a one hour timeout in the person's face is not going to work. If that's the plan, excuse me while I clean up the ashes of my remaining respect for Dan. There's not much left of it at this point.

I've already made one long post about why fainting is bad, but it's worth repeating that the fainting system is idiotic at best and probably does far more bad than good when it comes to keeping users on the sites. New users are often very enthusiastic and excited, and we want to keep that. If a new user doesn't log in for a few days (it happens, lots of people have limited spare time and internet access) and builds up the hype for when they can finally continue their WoX adventures, we want to keep that enthusiasm. We want them to feel welcome and wanted and tell them "it's nice to see you again!", and make sure they have the best experience possible so that they'll keep coming back. If it's a person with limited free time and internet access, it'd mean even more if they choose to spend that time on WoX rather than other websites.

We don't want them to be told to wait an hour. That doesn't make happy feelings, that makes frustration and disappointment and confusion and maybe even guilt.

If Dan wants to do something to make sure new users come back, a "come back to us" email and a welcome back gift might be worth trying. What's definitely worth trying is getting rid of the fainting system, or at least decrease it to no more than ten minutes, so new users don't leave in the first place. If it was my decision, I'd start with the latter.

best fishes, Fish

[anonofseasons]

Maybe it's due to not having spoons (fibro and the heat are getting to me bad), but my mood is up and down, and my feelings about Seasons are going up and down with it?

I'm like, "Oh this part is cute and I'm excited to share it!" and "Cal, shut up, please, you're being annoying. Keep it to yourself!" No one has said I'm being annoying. I just get super self-conscious now, bc... history of being told I'm annoying. Also, it's rather recent that I'd tell my now-ex that I was excited about something - that I'd finished a first draft or gotten a map drawn - and she'd respond with stuff like, "Did you see the witch Bath and Body Works diffuser?" (I had to beg her to congratulate me. I would do so for her when she had accomplishments, but mine? Meaningless.) Back to Seasons, though. I've been anxious that it's too long. I'm not out to set some arbitrary word count limit here. I mean "Was this really necessary, or did you just get too self-indulgent, and now you have too many loose ends to tie up?" (This is exacerbated by my writing out of order and fearing I'll forget something by the end.) That's just my brain, there. Worried that I was excessive and have made a mess, rather than a coherent story. I'm also worried that I sound so egotistical now that I'm finding joy in talking about my writing/characters. (This ties in with the first issue, that I should "shut up" haha...) I had such a weird process for years. I enjoyed the process of creation, but I... thought I was shitting out garbage. Characters, writing style, story, everything. Someone once told me years ago that I wrote nothing but man babies, and someone else later said the same thing. Second person also said my writing style induced their synesthesia so they couldn't stand to read my stuff. There have been other things, those are just some examples. It's so painful. I don't feel like I can become a better author if I don't have helpful criticism, but I've certainly had the destructive stuff launched at me. I'm still working on myself. I was only 13 months ago I got self-conscious and decided to stop sharing any of my writing publicly, so I locked up everything on AO3 in a private collection, I deleted or hid everything on google docs and other sites. And I struggled to finish Rascal (which I posted the final chapter just a few weeks before that and then ended up locking it up, haha), and now I'm struggling a bit with Seasons. I don't always struggle with ending stories, but... sometimes I do, and it definitely sinks my mood. I'm lucky in that some people have found my writing and been supportive. I'd be fucked if I didn't have @yume-x-hanabi being so supportive and nonjudgmental. She's a good writing buddy. And I have another friend who also just checks out my writing despite meeting her through fandom as well, even picked up Seasons despite the heavy content. ;A; That's a blessing. But sometimes I'm still working on saying, "No, I do love myself and these things. It doesn't matter what other people have said. They're a few people. They were mean. They don't define you or your work." Still, it sneaks up on me and leaves me scared that I have more work ahead. That I need to get better and better now, because if I want a career out of this, I'm going to have to bust my ass. And it's funny... I do enjoy the process of writing, I love building characters and writing stories and creating lore. I just wish after it was all done, I wasn't fearful that I just hot-glued a bunch of steaming shit together, and I refuse to see it...? XD; (Sorry that's a disgusting mental image, but... it wouldn't hold together, is my point.) Anyway, sorry if you read this for rambling so much. It's kind of negative. I gotta cheer up. ;A;

[polandspringz]

bday musings 1/9/25

This is my first birthday out of school completely. Like out of college into working class world. It's a bit weird because working an office job (just switched careers from the hellish job I took right out of college for 6 months) feels roughly the same as being in school. But back to the more structured school than college that I'm not used to for a while. I go to a place for 8 hours a day, try and find things to look busy, and go home for a few hours before I have to wake up the next day. I got special food + cake and played a video game and watched some shows, but besides that it's nothing big. There's no time for something big, not with so much of the day eaten up from work, and there being work again tomorrow. And since I'm at a new job and still learning things/getting acquainted with my coworkers, its not like anyone knew. There's no conversations to be had- no way to bring it up naturally. What usually happens with jobs/school is a few weeks or months out, I'll witness what happens for someone else's birthday. Maybe they WILL do something special for them, will know it from working with them for years, and I'll think "ah, this is what it would've been like". Or it could be a simple mention in a week or so of someone else's birthday, and the conversation will inevitably turn to "oh, when is YOUR birthday, by the way?" and I have to play it off when I calmly say a date that was so soon ago, and they realize it just passed, and the awkwardness seeps in.

When I got home from work, I thought about a memory from elementary school. In my Spanish class, on our birthdays our teacher gave out a sticker. It was my birthday, and I was looking forward to it finally being my turn to get the special sticker, and the other kids in class knew it was my birthday too. I was too shy to bring it up myself, so one of my friends tried to tell the teacher, but there was something happening that day (some homework or lesson) and she was distracted, and so we didn't have time to bring it up. I remember my friend looking at me apologetically when class ended before I could be given the sticker. I think it more speaks to my nature to overthink things/hold grudges, whatever you want to call this, for the fact I still think about this event some decade and a half later.

Last year on my birthday I posted some musings that were much more negative, upset. I still feel those things, to be honest. I still wish I could make it a BIG day, have a whole party, invite my friends, be the center of attention. But life always gets in the way. I feel like my birthday NEVER falls on weekends, always on weekdays, and always away from Fridays. Couple that with a winter birthday, and living in the east coast, and the weather makes it near impossible to do anything fun. And now that we're all adults, its all work schedules and other things getting in the way. And the problem is I'm still too shy to speak up, or still too passive to make the effort to do things on my own. The problem is I am always the one planning things, doing things for others, so I always wish that, even though I'm sure its impossible to do because of my schedule being crazy in its own way, I wish that I could have like- a surprise party or something. Or just be told "hey leave this date open, you'll see why" and not have to plan things myself, just show up and be the center of attention with no effort expended on my part. I'm definitely the self-centered type, but I do wish my birthday could be like me being a princess, just everyone surrounding me and fawning over me- because the reality of the connection I do get on the day is so empty. Talking to deaf ears and reading messages on a phone screen. And the one person you really wish did message you forgets too- even though they technically "messaged" you about it earlier in the week, by mentioning your birthday was coming up- but to my brain it doesn't really count because they didn't say the actual words/phrase "Happy Birthday" or do it on the exact day.

And then its my own fault for wrecking any possible plans for the weekend. Although I only made the decision to make solo plans because my friends were too busy. But now by planning to go somewhere by myself, I've cut off all other possible avenues of possibilities. We say we'll reschedule our hang out or celebrations to a later date, but I don't know why, but I just get... really hung up about stuff- the celebration, the happy birthday messages, everything- happening on the actual date. I guess it's like I become an afterthought, have to be shuffled around, that feeling. And it feels like the day that I always see others get to celebrate and have things go perfectly for, is always in the way on my calendar.

Anyway, I'm 24 now. Been on this website for 12 years now.

[variousqueerthings]

There are, however, those for whom there is no other answer [other than to have surgery]. In my experience these people, both men and women, are asexual before they make the changeover and have difficulty in relating to others because of their own confusion which comes from deep within them. Once they have made the changeover, and they are what they have always felt themselves to be, their emotions are released and they become capable of a deep loving.

"Know Thyself" speech by Mrs Doreen Cordell at the 16th March, 1974 TV/TS UK conference, held in Leeds

Fascinated by the use of the word asexual here, definitely covering (if not actually mainly about) what we today would call "aromanticism" and the ways the conference/1970s attitudes towards TS/TV distinction takes on a pathologisation of various behaviours in an attempt to normalise the parts that individual activists/speakers related more to within themselves -- I am the normal trans, and you can tell because of xyz medically/psychologically measurable behaviours

I think this is a limitation that's deeply baked into 20th century trans histories and politics, which in no small amount came from the pathologisation of queerness (see how trans and ace are linked along the lines of mental illness) as a whole in the 1950s-onwards, specifically from the cis, white, male majority psycho-babble

It's important to unpack these limitations, especially as how they pertain to throwing others under the bus, in particular if we as a community want to better support anti-colonialist and anti-racist gender movements and our intersex siblings

The 1974 conference is an important moment in trans history, that undoubtedly contains within it a great deal of joy and community, as well as intersex voices (Miss Della Alexander was a pretty big deal in the UK community in 1974, although I wonder if some of her ideas aren't too radical even for today -- I think they're still very interesting and might share some of her words on here as well, they certainly make me think, even if I don't know where those lines of thoughts are going) but simultaneously reiterates or often struggles to have the effective words to challenge white, western-centric, passing-focused, pathologised, and intersexist ideologies

what parts of all of this muddle have we managed to challenge today, and what voices are we still not centering enough?

I do note, I know a few trans people who identified as ace pre-transitioning, as well as trans people who identified as allo in one way or another, and their sexuality changing with transition -- crucially, they didn't think of their pre-transition sexualities as a negative, but merely a part of their ongoing journey, and even if someone were to see it as a negative symptom (and I'm sure many do) it's not a generalisation of everyone's experience in the way one often risks seeing in some of these older takes (or... some modern takes)

(I deliberately didn't get more into the asexual/aromantic conflagration and pathologisation, because that's its whooole own post that I'm still thinking about as I continue to read the conference transcript. suffice to say, it's interesting to learn more and unpack a lot of what was said 50 years ago)

[faithisforthetranspeople]

Hex's Media Thread 2021 Archive (Part 1)

Said a day or two ago I'd archive this stuff in case Twitter truly goes under because it's sadly become something I've actually rather enjoyed to do and be somewhat more open about my opinions on things. Funny how on paper I resigned myself to all data on the internet being temporary but when confronted with the idea of losing some personal things I scuttled to preserve them ^^;.

Anyways this post is gonna be rather small in comparison to the others cause I wasn't doing it until halfway through the year. Also in the future expect to see me make individual posts for just an entry or two whenever I'm caught up :). Also before you ask, the reason Scott is here is because I made it originally as a Media Thread joke image but then ended up actually making one.

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim was a very fun way to start off the year and I would frequently chip away at it a couple hours before bed every night before deciding near the end to just binge through it all. I really liked how the story presented itself and that was a big hook that kept me going along even when some of the characters weren't nearly as interesting as others. The gameplay is simple and you can easily become overpowered with no real effort just by buying a few moves and that's fine, in my experience the VN with 10% sRPG gameplay is usually not very difficult anyways. I haven't played this studio's other games before but I've been made aware the ending of this is decently similar to another of their works but seeing as I don't know of it I'm instead choosing to live in ignorant bliss and say it comes together pretty great! It isn't mind-bending but the journey that leads there is very fun and filled with a lot of interesting moments and wondering what's going on.

The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky 3rd is maybe still my favorite entry in the franchise but I'm a bit torn on the decision after playing a few others. I know it's a somewhat controversial game since there's no real sidequesting and reused overworld (mostly) like the other games have but at the same time it means I don't have to follow a spoiler-free sidequest guide playing the game and not have to miss everything ^^;. The reason I loved this one so much is I just generally like Kevin and Ries more as characters than Estelle and Joshua because their adopted family to lovers dynamic is just something I can never fully in good conscious really get behind, and while there is a tragically small amount of that in Kevin/Ries as well (with a few other weird issues in his life growing up as well) it's just easier to swallow for me. But enough about the negatives, one thing I love about the format of this game is the Door system allows for every character to get some moments of backstory or further development to bridge the gap between Sky games and what the series has eventually moved onto and become that I really like!

Jujutsu Kaisen Season 1! I watched her! To be honest I don't have many thoughts on this series that probably haven't been expressed everywhere else. It looks great and it inspired me to continue on and read the manga which was really great as well but I've just kinda fallen off on it recently. Nobara so cool

Blaster Master Zero and Blaster Master Zero 2 were played in such a close succession to each other that I just added both at the same time. I've always loved the Megaman Zero games ever since a friend introduced me to them about ~6 years ago and eventually have gone on to play even more of Inticreates works because they just make such fun games. The first game definitely has some rough parts to get around such as the moments of backtracking and some archaic level design due to trying to be a mostly-faithful remake of the original Blaster Master as well as having the most effort to get the true ending of the trilogy, which isn't that much of an issue for me since I love 100%ing metroid-styled games anyways but is still worth mentioning. The story doesn't do anything crazy but it does enough to endear you to the cast imo.

The sequel takes a lot of notes on where to improve where the original was lacking and it does it wonderfully. There's a lot more character banter and optional dialogue you can trigger compared to the small amount in the 1st game and coupled with a way more interesting story it made it very easy to get engaged quicker. There's so much Quality of Life changes like being able to warp back to Sophia instantly using fred both on the world map and when finishing a dungeon, or the change to have energy recharge and work differently making it so energy-consuming weapons don't suck as much ass to use as they did in 1. The planet hopping system is also wonderful because it cuts down on backtracking almost fully and every single system has a very unique atmosphere in the main planet and some fun side-planets for upgrades. If you're observant enough on the collection overview screen it's also very easy to tell what the true ending requirements are in this game, and that entire section + the final boss might be my favorite part of this series barring some specific moments in 3.

Monster Hunter Rise basegame was very fun and I loved it. My favorite Monster Hunter game is Generations which got me into the series back in 2016 and this one was a close contender with very fast and fun movement fighting aggressive monsters that somewhat compensate for all these new tools. The serpent themes are some of my fav music I've heard in Monhun and I'm just glad this game didn't fall off in enjoyment for me like World did. Rampage is a slightly penis gameplay mechanic I will say but it didn't take too much of the playtime up sooo whatever. I'll give more thoughts in a later post when Sunbreak came out but fwiw my new favorite monster they added in the basegame was Goss Harag :).

Final Fantasy XIV: Eden's Promise (Savage) was a grind for my static at the time but it ended up being my favorite Savage tier... which didn't mean much at the time since I started raiding during Eden's Verse lmao. But even after the next two raid tiers (my group disbanded after scheduling issues for p8s) it's still my favorite and I'll always think that e11s is one of the coolest interpretations of a character ever.

Yakuza 0 is a game I took forever to finally sink my teeth into and god damn was I missing out. Between all the side-missions and modes (which I had done all of except Majima's Amon fight because I didn't feel like grinding for a broken weapon) and the actual story I sunk a good amount of time in this world and I really need to get back in there with Yakuza Kiwami. It will happen before 2024 ends mark my words.

No Straight Roads was a strong GOTY contender for me back in 2021 cause I loved its presentation due to it reminding me of some games I grew up with like Psychonauts for example, and the boss fights were super creative and the music gimmick was so cool and also just had some bangers. I don't even feel like I've given this game the time it deserves to cook because I skipped a lot of the lore files you get throughout the game and I definitely want to go back to it sometime to see them but I also feel like the game was just good enough that I don't feel like I've fucked up by skipping all that cause the normal story was already really fun to me and even a bit emotional at times.

Chainsaw Man. You can read it and it's pretty cool but it hasn't stuck with me strongly as a whole (I haven't been reading much of part 2) and I prefer Fujimoto's one-shots a lot more but still liked my time with this one!

And finally for the end of this part, Rhythm Heaven Fever! Yes I somehow took all until 2021 to play this game despite having played Megamix years ago and loving other Rhythm games like Project Diva and Theatrhytm (and also having a best friend who talked about this game all the time and we'd even Talk About The Series Together). The gameplay is so fun despite only being a few buttons and each minigame really stands out with the remixes being fun and having some banger songs thrown in. I think the monkey's from Monkey Watch can all go burn in hell.

There should be two more updates to 2021 before I get to move on to 2022 but I hope you've enjoyed these little thought capsules :). When we catch up and I get to post more things individually the posts should be a bit more focused and interesting but thanks if you've read it all anyways!

[dianight]

2 months (long)

I would straight up say no changes at all but that's not quite correct. It feels like nothing changes day by day but if I were to compare week by week I'd probably be able to point some things out.

My hair is(!) nicer now. Still not as good as I'd like and I might even try to do something about split ends and such. Undecided for now, not a priority.

Amusing a few days later, not at all how I wanted it to go, but it turns out that crying does feel really good to let out all the frustration. Definitely way more difficult now to keep things bottled up; past a certain point it just spills out like a metaphorical dam bursting. Another one that I can't describe in any other way than "feeling cunty" which is like, feeling cunty (positive) and feeling cunty (negative) at the same time. I'm aware that it's not super clear but I just can't put it in better words.

Shaving, aka pushing the boulder. Turns out that when you get sharp blades things go much better and faster; feels less like torture and not like I'm dissociating just to get past a bad experience. They are expensive as fuck but at least now I don't bolt awake in the middle of the night because my face feels awful.

Not really the moment to feel ashamed: I've caught myself stunned at my image in the mirror. Usually after/before taking a shower, in a "woah that's me" kind of way. It is... new to me.

Sweat is way less "smelly" now. A few days ago I was drenched and my clothes were like, yeah sweaty and smelly but not even close to how it would have been before hrt. I've also been surprised a few hours after a shower and just going "what's that smell?" Me! It's me and it's unfamiliar (neutral) but it's good.

I seem to have some sort of elemental weakness against doors and furniture that people leave out of position. Every time I've bonked or grazed something with my nipples it's been like what I imagine getting stunned in a video game is like: incapacitated for a few seconds and then it's completely fine. Permanently sore (a bit) and still flat, which is "good" because it's summer still but next year [let's not think about that now] yeah sure.

One of these days I'm going to do a "no hair below my head" sort of shaving session and we'll see how it turns out.

Uh... something about my lips being different. "Shinier" in a way. On one of these "checking myself" moments I was thinking that it looked like I had chapstick on.

Holy fuck I've lost weight somehow. I think I might need to start taking it a bit more seriously because I can't have breakfast, lunch, snacks through the day, dinner (some days [I am trying!]) and somehow lose weight. It just does not make sense, and it's not like I can exercise a lot in the first place (I'm still sore 2 days after having to walk for hours). Not in a "counting calories" way but more in a making sure I have 3 meals and like, fruit/yogurt/snacks every(!) day.

I'm in a weird spot mentally speaking too. It's like, what am I expecting to happen from one day to another? Nothing so I don't really pay attention until a few days later I'm looking at my reflection from the side thinking "was my ass that big?" and it's like. Maybe? I don't know. Today I caught a peanut with my thighs and it's like "are they bigger now?" Who knows? I'm bad at keeping track.

There's a very interesting (read: scary/concerning) situation when I'm having one of these "cunty" moods and also feeling the urges where if I had a neck to bite I wouldn't let go. Literally that "kill her kill her" post. It doesn't last long but it's ah, intense.

Still reluctantly using my thing. I literally have to remind myself to do it since I don't really care(?) and outside of those violent moods it's pretty unappealing.

I don't know what else for now.

1 month (long, TMI as they say)

So I was planning on making a list of changes, sort of, stuff I've noticed but when I try to put it into words it gets quite difficult. Anyway. In no particular order and with the caveat that it might be placebo or simply something that I've never paid attention to or some other unrelated factor:

My hair looks nicer? It used to get tangled pretty often, now I simply get the drill hair curls unless I comb it a bit. Do I notice less hair falling overall? Maybe(?), I still get some loose ones on my hair ties or in the shower. But I feel like (<- feel like) it's less now. Not quite how I'd like it yet but better (<- even if not a thing still feels nicer).

I was genuinely looking forward to having an easier time crying, no luck yet. What emotional changes I've gotten are "villainess behaviors" instead which if I were to elaborate is an incredibly difficult time containing myself when someone antagonizes me in any way. As an example I had a celebration (not mine) recently and some relative said something passive agressive to me, I wanted to just ignore instead I found myself laughing in their face and telling them to mind their business (<- less nice than that). Other minor "I should not let this matter to me" stuff feeding the urge to be cruel. I'm fine but it's funny in a way since it's harder to be nice when people are assholes.

Shaving is much much worse and a bit better now. It used to be something that if I ignored/forgot about for a while it'd not matter, now I had a moment where I couldn't sleep and had to go shave at 2am due to how bad it was making me feel. It does feel nicer now, but only for a while.

Less smell? It's summer, it's hot, I'm not particularly sweaty and yet. It's too big of a change to be something I'm imagining. Weird, in a really nice way.

[I lost track so I check the table for reference to see what else.]

Oh yeah. Big changes happening (<- exaggeration). My nipples randomly get sore, one of them is sore all the time! No noticeable size changes though. Way more sensitive to the point of almost being painful (<- in a good way). Actually concerning. I could talk more about it but perhaps not right now.

Body hair is all the same(?), no differences on skin softness/oiliness. My skin condition remains the same.

Body fat redistribution and pelvis changes seems to not be happening yet. My hips are massive anyway and the dimples in my lower back have always been there (<- bragging).

Decreased muscle and strength. Yeah, not from E I can tell you. It's more the disability and the injuries.

This one is kinda funny. "Changes in mood, emotionality, and behavior". It could be. It could also be the sheer relief of getting something I've been trying to get for 8(9?) years, while being able to focus on other stuff that was simply asking too much of me. I'm biased obviously but apart from the slightly stronger urges it's mostly the same.

Sex drive and all that stuff. Let's just say expected changes. Shooting blanks now, which is amusing. No morning wood. You know the drill. I know there can be atrophy if you don't use it and I'll gladly let that thing rot, but. Let's think about how it might be necessary later on. Bear with it for now.

Another interesting one that comes with those emotional changes is how little I care now about certain things, sexually speaking. And how some others will instantly fill a metaphorical bar until it says !!! MADNESS !!! out of nowhere. Case in point, that drawing about the two girls playing the rhythm game(?) while one holds the other's leash. Yeah funny mental image. Somehow it got stuck in my brain for a couple days. Wait what. I'm also much more picky about what types of works I read. It all just seems so boring now. Seen that setup before, that one's got very bad art, that one is too misogynistic, that one is just uninspired.

Anyway I could type more about how it feels different now but words fail me a bit and I think that's enough for now.

[salad-juice-enjoyer]

This is purely an observation, but I think there is something to be said about parallels between Young Justice and Transformers Prime.

Both are animated series that debuted in the early 2010s, they were darker than the usual adaptation of their respective franchises, and they got screwed by corporate shenanigans (The former's first run's airing was apparently a mess and got axed because it wasn't selling enough toys with boys, the latter's third season got a last-minute director change and the beginning of the end of the aligned continuity, and a ballooning budget for both).

And most interesting IMO, both had an extremely passionate fanbase behind them and while there are still plenty of people in their respective fanbases, I'm seeing more and more people talking about them in a more critical light.

[yibo-wang]

Summary of what happened at the Hidden Blade Guangzhou RoadShow.

I have been away from my phone all day today so I only found out about what happened a few hours ago. I don't like bringing weibo/twitter drama to tumblr but everything that's been happening made me really angry.

It was expected that the antis would definitely try and ruin it as much as could cause they've done that every single time something important happened in yibo's career. But to think they would sink as low and involve big directors and actors for their petty and selfish acts is a new low even for them.

While yesterday was Hidden Blades first release in cinemas, it did exceedingly well for a film that's undoubtedly different from the usual spring festival movie genres. The GP and fans both had positive reviews about the movie and Yibo's acting.

As far as I know the hateful words and reviews against Yibo have been increasing. Antis who weren't even in China were sending reviews that they hated the movie etc when the movie hasn't even been released anywhere else? Give me a break. (Below antis leaving reviews but their location is from out of China)

They're trying to suppress the positive response from the public on weibo, saying hurtful things towards the movie, director and actors. It's really disgusting.

You see Cheng Er and the rest of the cast and crew and anyone Yibo has worked with before know how sincere and dedicated he is to his work. For Hidden Blade especially they've praised his acting, his professional behaviour and it's not just one person it's the director, it's Tony Leung himself, it's Wang Chuajun, Da Peng and so many others.

It's actually breaking my heart when I saw the videos from today because why do they forget he's also a human being? That's he's only 25 years old?

Idk what image everyone has of Yibo in their mind but to me he's really very innocent at heart. Never in my years of watching him have I seen him have malice or hatred against anyone.

At the Roadshow today, despite everything that was happening he was really very thankful towards everyone who came, especially to the audience who came to watch the movie more than once because they loved watching it the first time and enjoyed the details.

One encounter today that really moved me was between him and a fan who was sharing her experience of watching the movie.

Translation: I would like to add one more thing. I was asked to convey this message from our group. Though we are Yibo's fans, after watching Hidden Blade, we turned from his fans to his movie fans. Thank you for being a good actor. We wish hidden blade success.

Yibo was really holding back tears 🥺

Cheng Er talked about how he really appreciates the sincerity the audience who watched the movie showed towards the film and how much he appreciates Yibo as an actor.

You see this is probably the first time Cheng Er had to experience such disturbing behaviour towards his film. Yes he's a grown man with years of experience with him but this is not negative reviews because people didn't like the film. This is because of their hatred for Yibo. And Cheng Er knows all of this cause repeatedly he has spoken or either posted against whatever lies the antis have spewed against the film and Yibo.

Cheng er: As all of you are audiences who really watched Hidden Blade, I believe our efforts including yibo’s will live up to your expectations. He has worked really hard —his image & expression in his eyes. I'm very thankful to such an excellent actor. I only dare to say this because all of you have watched the movie. I don’t dare to praise him recently because… [Audience asking that he should praise Yibo more] so I hope people who really watched the movie can sincerely spread the true situation and quality of our movie (link to video)

Once again despite everything, Yibo isn't forcing anyone to like him. All he asks is to be sincere in their remarks about it cause the movie isn't just him. These blackened tags and reviews affect all the people who have worked day and night for Hidden Blade to come to life. He accepts the criticism if it's genuinely because of his acting but not if it's just because their hatred for him.

Yibo: Like what the director and that audience said, a movie can create a lot of thoughts but you still need to continue with your life. For Hidden Blade, I hope we can exchange sincerity with sincerity. We made this movie with our heart, so we sincerely hope that people will like the movie. I also hope that audiences can sincerely appreciate the movie. Of course, you can also not like like the movie after watching it, there’s no problem. [Fans: we like it!] Exchange sincerity with sincerity. Thank you.

I do want to say that despite the antis efforts for the smear campaign, the passerby comments and almost all of the general public had a good experience while watching the movie and relayed good reviews. (Some of them down below + Link to one of the film critics review)

The thing is I'm really happy with how the GP is talking about HB. Infact Yibo was very happy during the other times in the roadshow. He kept smiling, talked so animatedly and with enthusiasm it was delightful to see him that way. But what bothered me most about the whole thing is that this situation was big enough for Yibo (who doesn't let useless remarks affect him) and Cheng Er to be bothered by it.

[olderthannetfic]

I'm by no means a BNF but I am one of the most prolific authors in a very niche corner of my (apparently, as I've recently come to accept) small fandom. Like many, I keep a separate blog for just this one fandom, where people who read my works on fanfic sites can find me and chat if they're so inclined, and where I reblog prompts and games and fandom-related works and stuff.

Recently I've cut ties with a group of people who were getting way too toxic for my taste. It may not be a surprise when I say throughout my time with them I realized I was proship and they're staunchly, and ignorantly, and absolutely anti (they think a two-year age gap between two adults is pedophilia. which is certainly A Take:tm:). For my own mental health I had to leave, and I don't regret it. The only thing I mourned was the loss of camaraderie, but it had to be done. Any attempts on my end to help them be less insufferable would consistently be drowned out, or they'd humor me for a few days and go right back to being little shits like I hadn't said anything at all. And now that I think about it, I don't think they ever actually respected me. I think they just liked what I had to offer (ideas, content, and more often than not, an ear), though it definitely didn't help I felt like I needed to be the person who looked after everyone.

I stopped posting and even now I'm hesitant to post things because I know some of them still follow me and I don't want them to see I'm active again. As far as they know, I disappeared off the face of the earth forever. I blocked half of them because they keep posting negative things in places they shouldn't, with tags obvs, and the other half hasn't done anything worth blocking over (unless you count them actively being friends with the toxic ones as a reason) and I don't want to punish them for the actions of a very vocal few.

2 days ago I posted a silly little story for a Tumblr friend (a drabble exchange) and almost immediately I got an anon in my inbox from who I'm assuming is the ringleader (they used my old handle from the chat which let me know it's one of them) and I just. Deleted it. I know they don't even follow my Tumblr anymore because they've had several separate sequential accounts and they stick to one URL (with slight variations of course). I've blocked the first few and I know what the last one is, and they haven't tried to follow me yet. Surely this means they're aware it won't bode well.

As much as I want to post things again, I'm anxious as fuck and I'm tired of seeing them around. I wish they'd take the hint already so I don't have to tell them (and subsequently all the rest of the group) to fuck off and leave me be. Antis really are a cult, and I'm not keen on interacting with them if I can help it. They can say they've changed until they're blue in the face, but in terms of this group, I won't believe them until they quite literally grow up.

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