#But I'm definitely seeing more negative posts about it than‚ say‚ a few years ago

[salad-juice-enjoyer]

This is purely an observation, but I think there is something to be said about parallels between Young Justice and Transformers Prime.

Both are animated series that debuted in the early 2010s, they were darker than the usual adaptation of their respective franchises, and they got screwed by corporate shenanigans (The former's first run's airing was apparently a mess and got axed because it wasn't selling enough toys with boys, the latter's third season got a last-minute director change and the beginning of the end of the aligned continuity, and a ballooning budget for both).

And most interesting IMO, both had an extremely passionate fanbase behind them and while there are still plenty of people in their respective fanbases, I'm seeing more and more people talking about them in a more critical light.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This will be more of a personal post sprinkled with some thoughts on AYS?!, so for those interested strictly in shipping content, you can skip this.

I couldn't help myself yesterday to wait until my work schedule was done. So I watched the first two episodes during lunch break and work, while using the keyboard from time to time to not appear offline.

And then a second time in the evening, without as many interruptions. I even texted my sister to remind her that the episodes have been released (she has JK's songs on her playlists and that's where it stops). My tone was very casual, as if I just remembered it was already up. As if I haven't actually been thinking and obsessing about that show for a year now. But that's because I can't let this online, fandom "life" seep through my other, "real" one. I've always struggled with my feelings of shame over being part of such spaces. Which is why I avoided them completely. Up until four years ago. I'm still dealing with it. I don't want to tell people that I have an interest in a kpop ship and that it's been ongoing for a few years now. It feels to foreign to the image I allow others to have of me and this kpop stuff is childish to say the least. I've fallen victim to the talking points I've argued against intellectually. But life doesn't work that way. My rational brain doesn't get along with my feelings.

So I keep my thoughts about shipping, fandoms, jikook here. And I share them with friends and people that have a connection to it. It's why I have a blog. So I can post a photo of jikook holding hands at the beginning of their journey and at least 10 people will understand it cause they like the same thing. I'm not a loser on my own here so the thought feels comforting.

I didn't have specific expectations about AYS?!, but I felt happy watching it. It was different, but a good different. Having the opporrtunity to witness them from morning till evening without any interruptions painted an interesting picture and it's the first time to see some parts of their dynamic.

They bicker, they flirt, they get lovingly annoyed, they get bored, they get silent, they get touchy. It feels more real than any 2-min clip from a Memories DVD could possibly show us. I don't want picture perfect jikook because it doesn't exist. Being in stan spaces, all I see everyday is worship, a mentality that is then transfered to the people surrounding the idol. But I don't want JK to worship Jimin 24/7 or vice versa. That's not a real relationship of any kind. I want to see them treat each other like they're just people. Which is what they did. Too bad that some have interpreted that as negative when in fact all we got were clear signs of actual closeness. And nothing beats it like Jungkook's attitude towards Jimin being sick. Shippers/supporters have clips and endless arguments on hand to explain the closeness between jikook, but honestly? That first evening in the cabin when JM was in the bathroom and subsequently the next morning should be the sole argument from now on. It can't be more obvious if it hit us in the head.

It's not about needing confirmation at every step of them being a couple. At least I don't need that. In the long run, it wouldn't even matter if they're not. What's noticeable is that they appear to be one and that doesn't come out of thin air.

Is my mood volatile these days? Yes. Actually these past few months. Do I need this show as one of those feel good series? Definitely, because there's nothing else out there to catch my attention in terms of tv content. I don't want to pick apart and poke holes and question every single line to make myself feel miserable. Everything else is too bad and I am too lame so I rely on this show for a short, temporary thing that improves my mood. I don't care about other things, doubts or worries. I really really just want to enjoy jikook doing whatever they want. I don't have high standards.

[abby118]

It makes me so happy to see I’m not alone here. Honestly the Loki fandom is so fucking isolating, and I feel like if you say you prefer Pre-series Loki/Loki Prime whatever….you get shit flung at you. This fandom has done a really good job at making me scared to share my opinions. (Hell, I can’t even criticize the TVA without “UWU THE TVA ARE SMOL ANGST BLORBOS WITH TRAUMA! THEY’RE LOKI’s WHOLESOME FOUND FAMILY WHO HELPED HIM!!!”) It’s helped me a little bit to remember Loki in the series is a variant of our boy, because like…he’s literally nothing like Loki in the slightest and no offense to the fans, but it feels like a majority of them haven’t even TOUCHED the previous films. (Literally saw a post calling them old and outdated.)

Thank you for this blog. 🥺

Ooh yes, mhm. It can be isolating, for sure, but I also think we're fortunate that it did split into pre and post ragnarok eras of the fandom because some fandoms die when its source material gets retconned. I definitely relate to the opinion aimed towards the new "fans"; they're one of the most disrespectful and meanest people I have had the displeasure of interacting with in fandom spaces and I've been on this site for a while now.

And no, the character in the series is not a variant of Loki. The *only thing they share is a name, which has been stolen from the original character it rightfully belongs to, with the intent of cashing in on the fans. I refuse to refer to him as the same character. *They do share the same actor too, and as much as it hurts to say it, because Tom Hiddleston has been my favourite actor since I can remember - I was literally 9 when I joined the fandom when T1 came out..(for context, I'll be turning 22 this year), I no longer relate to how he views, or seems to view, Loki. And don't get me wrong, he will always be the person who played my favourite character, that will not change, but I do not see his interpretation of Loki as my own anymore. It doesn't even match his old one. And I know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

The TVA is a topic I don't have the energy to get into but it is beyond problematic. I'll just say that, I'm sure we all know what I'm getting at there. And I wouldn't even say it "feels" like the newer people haven't touched the movies. I have spoken to a few of them and it is an actual thing, apparently. Some of them started with ragnarok...which does explain a lot...and never bothered to check the original ones. And then they complain about feeling unwelcome among the fanbase, I wonder why that is, huh? - "I feel like if you say you prefer Pre-series Loki/Loki Prime whatever….you get shit flung at you. This fandom has done a really good job at making me scared to share my opinions."

Don't listen to them. Block them. They are not interactions that would bring you enjoyment or any sort of positive feeling and that's not what fandoms are supposed to be like, trust me. If you genuinelly feel upset about people's takes and opinion aimed towards you, you have every right to avoid them. Tumblr has no algorithm and blocking is nothing but curating your experience, you don't owe anything to these people. I, myself, have done this, including filtering tags, and it is so much more peaceful than when I rejoined (beacuse I changed blogs). Still, no longer being able to go to the main tag is incredibly sad.

Find a group of people you can interact with, follow the tags that are more specific and avoid what doesn't benefit your fun here. And thank you for being here, really. Especially for reaching out 💚🖤 I'm very glad you like my blog. I'm just doing my own thing, which in my case, means trying to stay true to the fandom I loved and enjoyed (and still do) from years ago, regardless of the notes or what people say. Because, at the end of the day, all that matters is your own enjoyment. I'm trying not to post too much negativity towards post2013 despite having a lot to say because there are blogs who do that, and do so well (thank you guys), and we need one that's focused on the good things too, but sometimes it really is needed. So thank you for the opportunity.

[moghedien]

Silly but serious question. If someone were interested in WOT due to your posts about it/the Forsaken, do you think that person would probably enjoy the books? Assuming that person already enjoys fantasy and all the usual bells and whistles.

Its hard for me to say definitely without knowing you or your personal tastes and whatnot. I am one that won't just blanket recommend wheel of time. It's my favorite book series, but its also like 4 million words long so I know that its not gonna be most people's thing, ya know?

If you're already interested though, I don't really see a reason not to try the books, so long as you're aware of its length and the fact that the overarching story can take a bit to get into. It's also got some dated tropes and things that will seem unoriginal and overused (partially because it is, partially because a lot of modern fantasy is inspired by WoT). Its a product of its time and the author had hangups. It came out over 30 years ago and all that. I dont' think its as bad as some people make it out to be though. I've read some "progressive" fantasy from around the same time period that I think handles some issues waaaaaay worse than WoT. but you know, just be aware that things in it aren't perfect.

Also if you're specifically interested in the Forsaken, there is a whole lot of Forsaken nonsense throughout the series, but it does take a few books to really get into that aspect. You see some of it in the first books, but it doesn't really get going until a few books in.

If you haven't watched the TV show, you might get some more immediate forsaken gratification there,, but the show hasn't gotten to the point where they really start being a thing yet either (next season tho!) so there's that to consider. it just makes certain ones more present and in your face than the early books, which I do enjoy.

Basically, my answer is just: idk but it doesn't hurt to try the books. Just know that the first book is kinda intentionally formulaic and meant to resemble other fantasy series, but it sheds that by book 2 and sort of becomes the Wheel of Time in book 4 imo

If you're gonna read the books, start with book 1, not the prequel. You can read the prequel after book 5 but probably better placed after book 10 when it was published (in my opinion). If you've watched the show, you can read the prequel whenever you want though. If you wanna read the books before the show, read through book 3 before doing so

and just a word of warning/advice if you are going to read the books, which will contradict itself but listen: do not go looking at "new reader" advice from fans. Even well meaning book fans have this bad habit about "warning" new fans about certain things in the series which has a tendency to dishearten new fans and shade their opinions in negative ways. I'm not talking about content warning or things that a reader might need to know about for mental health or comfort reasons. I'm talking about books fans trying to warn people about the "boring" and "bad" parts of the series. I've done this in the past and I've always regretted it, and people that aren't warned ahead of time tend to have a better reading experience. Just don't go listening to fans

and also never ever ever ever google any characters name, I am being dead serious, everything about the series will be spoiled for you that way its happened to all of us learn from our mistakes. Like literally would rather gets asks with random questions about characters than for someone google a character's name

[anakinsafterlife]

More Thoughts on Dune

I had to go see Dune again, so I booked the afternoon showing in the Imax theatre, which was bound to hurt my ears, especially whilst fasting, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. 😅

Having now seen the 1984 movie and the 2001 miniseries, I realize what a comparatively great job Villeneuve did with heavy issues like race and religion (1984 Fremen were all white, while 2001 looked mostly like tanned/slight darker Caucasians, with a few dark skinned extras. But both older versions are mostly very silly and, artistically speaking, poorly rendered. I can see why people kept trying to remake it).

I do still stand by my original post, because of course the director could have done better, but the movie is still a masterpiece and honestly a thousand times more sensitive and informed than the other two attempts to film it. I just feel like if they were going to go to comparatively great effort to get it right this time, why not go all the way and hire more Arab actors (there are plenty even in Hollywood), use more Arabic terms and religious accuracy, etc, instead of indulging in orientalist tropes.

Anyway, I won't go back into the rant, but basically the only negative things I noticed...

... the second time around, were 1) Added, probable anti-Russian racism in the Harkonnens. I didn't notice the first time because I was focused on the mixed treatment of the Space Arabs, but given that Dune was written in the 60s, I'm fairly sure that that the struggle between Harkonnen and Atreides represents the Cold War struggle between the USSR and the United States and Western Europe over physical resources and land power.

2) I also noticed this time copious usage of the "Yellow Middle Eastern Filter."

Even if you haven't heard of it, you have most definitely seen it. It's that yellow haze that lies across the landscape whenever American movies go to some place "exotic," like the Middle East, Mexico, India, etc. It's unspoken propaganda of the most insidious kind, as it imparts to the audience a sense that this place is dry, dusty, and dangerous. (Someone else IRL also mentioned to me that the yellow filter makes people's skin look darker, which is another valid point given the potentially racist implications and assumptions).

The yellow filter is so common, in fact, that I remember being shocked and uneasy when I moved to Dubai, some years back now, because the sky looked blue and normal and not, in fact, hazy and yellow. I didn't even know why I was confused at the time, as the filter is insidious enough that, even when you see it, you often don't really notice it. I only learned officially about the yellow filter a couple of years or so ago, and it makes me mildly furious now every time I actively notice it used in a movie.

So yes, that the yellow desert filter was used is another 'code' for Space Arabia. Which...obvious.

On the story side, I noticed that Jessica and Paul change sides in terms of their opinion of the "prophecy" and whether Paul should claim that narrative. Jessica seems initially opposed, saying, "Your father didn't believe in revenge," while Paul says that he does. But once he grows close to Chani, he eschews the prophecy, only embracing it again after he drinks the Water of Life. That is interesting, because the water gives clear prophecy that the drinkers see as absolute truth. They then attempt to fulfill those truths, which makes me think that these prophecies, like so many, are self-fulfilling. That also explains why Jessica's demeanor changed so absolutely after she drank the water. In becoming a Reverend Mother with prophetic insight, she ironically became less Fremen than she might have before. Is this a metaphor for even the friendliest Westerners losing their sincerity once they have 'tasted' the profits to be made in the Middle East/Global South? 🤔 (But also, obviously, Jessica was always a mother in this story and she would do anything to protect her son, including exploiting an entire culture and religion, *even* if it meant driving him away from her. That is, of course, why one of the first scenes in the movie is of her saving Paul's life by brutally murdering a man.)

I am so, so torn about this movie. I love it and am drawn to it in numerous complex ways that tie into my own personal history as a person who lives, culturally, at the crossroads of east and west. It also clearly articulates the struggle for power and resources that lies at the heart of colonialism and other extended occupations. Yet, again, I recognize the weaknesses of this movie as well as its many strengths.

So torn. Going away to cry now. 😢

[shootout-at-university-fair]

Four Years' Worth of Ramblings (and Pondering Life at Twenty)

It’s been about four years since I was even remotely active on here, even longer since I’ve made original content on this website. Well, in those four years since I’ve last used this blog, it’s safe to say I’ve officially grown up. I think I made this account when I was about 13. At that time, turning 20 genuinely felt like it would never come. As time tends to do, of course, it progressed - so here we are.

Given that I live in a country that would rather focus on banning social media apps and protecting genocidal governments that line their own pockets instead of, you know, helping its own citizens like a government is supposed to do, and one that is certainly fucked no matter who we end up electing this year, it just felt right to return to the website that radicalized me in the first place (especially when really the only other option is… *shudders* twitter).

I must say, it simultaneously feels weird and comforting to come back. As I enter my senior year of college (has it really been that long?), I’ve begun to look back at what has shaped me into the woman I am today. I know this website certainly had a hand. As I previously stated, this website truly formed my moral compass, at an age that I desperately needed something to. To those who have followed me in the past, and might still be lurking here today, I genuinely thank you for making me the woman I am today.

Now… what exactly has happened in these last few years? Well, a lot. These last four years have simultaneously been the best and worst years of my life so far (and seriously, from how my 2024 has mostly been going, fuck 2024). Let’s start with the negative and end with some positive things, shall we?

I've certainly had my share of shit thrown at me over the last few years, from having to file not one, but two Title IX complaints at my college within three years and going through my fair share of manipulative and abusive relationships (both platonic and romantic), to having - and overcoming an eating disorder. Somehow, I've survived (albeit with some added mental health medications and diagnoses - I expected most of them, but definitely not the borderline diagnosis).

It hasn't been all bad, though. Actually, some of these last few years have been really great. I finally have some real friends IRL (they're a bunch of losers - one is @hunter-blossom-5 if you want to see what the vibe is like, but they're my losers and I wouldn't trade them for the world), and I've fallen in love. Well, I mean, I've fallen in love several times over these last few years, but for once, I've fallen in love and know it's the right type of love: the love where even if the world is ending, it doesn't feel like that because you know that they will be beside you the entire time, and even more after? Yeah, I'm talking about that love. I know he has an account on here, but he's never told me what his username is. I hope that if he's reading it, he knows who I'm talking about - I love you, babe; always have, and always will.

I'm not sure exactly why I stopped posting, but I just did. I actively tried to distance myself from my days on here IRL. If you told me even two months ago that not only would I be revisiting so many of my old interests from my teenage years in my twenties, and being so open about my love for them, I would have thought you were insane. Something in the last few months in my brain just itched and longed for who I once was, the version of me I was when I was on here the most. Throughout a lot of these four years, I was incredibly rude towards the younger me present on this account, trying to bury her deep down to fit in more. I think I've been too harsh on her in my past, and just wish that I could go back in time, take back all the negative shit I've said about her, and just give her the largest hug - she definitely needed that more than the criticism I leveled instead. Well, time travel doesn't exist, and Back to The Future has taught me to never have yourself at two different ages meet. I think coming back here, showing her that as you get older you can still be you, is the best I can do for her in our universe.

Most of you have known me simply as mutantjediavenger on this platform. Some of you have known me as Ella, but for all who comes across this blog today, you can just call me El. You've earned it.

[alo-piss-trancy]

Btw even if I don't check in here as often as I used to, I really do appreciate all of you who stick with this blog anyways c': Especially since I barely post anything 'kinky' myself anymore. So this is mostly just a gaming/media rant and personal blog now oops

In some ways I'm definitely better off than I was a few years ago, but I've also been dealing with a lot of chaos in my life and household and it doesn't look like it's gonna get fixed very soon. Mix of financial, physical health of me and family I've been heavily assisting, house things in desperate need of repair...

On top of that I've been starting to realize I might actually have developed some form of Agoraphobia from all that time I was housebound before... and other stuff, but I think that was probably the main contributor. I'm still looking into it but with how a lot of the other things I've tried to cope haven't helped, meds don't seem to touch it much, and it seems to be getting worse, it's looking more and more likely than I'd like to admit. Which sucks bc it's also going to be hard af to keep up with working to treat it with Exposure or smth if I'm buried in all the above stuff/have limited transport/places to even go. It's really freaking hard when I do rarely go out and the anxiety/illness makes it so much worse. There've been times I've had to give up and go back early after like, an hour bc I was vomiting/crippled with pain/on the verge of fainting... and that's been happening more often. Like 1 in every 3 times, and I may only get out 3 times a month at the worst points.

Idk. I'm trying. I'm keeping up with the bare minimum rn and that's all I can really say lol

Also the only problem that's actually relevant to kink blog: my drive is still at 0 or even the negatives bc I can't get my medication sorted out bc my appointments got pushed back AGAIN ☠️ So yeah. That's why there has been no writing or hc posts and will not probably be for a WHILE. On God, it's about as appealing to me as eating dry cardboard 😔 Trying to write or draw anything fun is like pulling teeth and if I won't enjoy the end result then I'm not gonna bother RIP. When I get that sorted out maybe I can finally touch my poor WIP pile again 😭

Uh yeah so. That's why I've been so absent for like... forever. I do miss checking in here but I also get in my own head sometimes about posting when I'm not 'providing' anything this blog was intended for. Which I realise is dumb bc it's MY blog and if I want to rant about video games only for like a year straight then I'm allowed to. But brains are Fun like that 🥲

For what it's worth I'm not in like, a fullblown mental crisis so please don't worry about that! I'm not in any immediate danger or smth! I do have some other hobbies I've been keeping up with and socialising in other spaces. And I've been reading. So I promise I'm not in a complete isolated depression pit 💛 Life could definitely be better and I def have some rough days, but I have been trying to take some baby steps to either fix things or keep myself sane at least lol

Idk I just felt like I should explain why I've been mostly gone for ages off and on. I do lurk here sometimes to peek at things even if I don't have the energy to show myself. But I do really appreciate anyone who sends asks or comments on my ao3 or just reads my ramblings lol 💛 Even when I can't respond immediately I still treasure the gesture and it makes me happy to see some of the same names around in my notifs/dash c': So thank you~

[behindthewox]

Hi, Fish

How do you feel about idea "we miss you, come back" emails?

Yours, Dracula

Hiya!

Overall, I'm pretty neutral to it, assuming that it's executed with modesty and respect. Sometimes you come across a fun website (like WoX) but then close it down and forget about it and in that instance a reminder email is actually a good thing (just don't spam). I believe WoX (or at least WoP) used to have it years ago, if you were inactive for 2 weeks you received free VIP as an incentive to come back. It was removed because it was "abused" to code profiles for free, but that was back when coded profiles remained coded even after VIP ran out. Back in the days when the VIP cost less but was worth more.

It'd probably be more effective with a reward/incentive included, like free VIP for a week or a sum of IG money. It might be fun with an announcement in the chat when the person logs in, like "[name] has returned!" which may prompt other users to say hi and engage a little bit, making the person feel welcome, wanted and appreciated. The more positive associations you can get out of it, the more likely the person is to stay longer this time.

Speaking of positive associations, we also need to avoid negative impressions like fainting. To say "we miss you, please come back" and then slam a one hour timeout in the person's face is not going to work. If that's the plan, excuse me while I clean up the ashes of my remaining respect for Dan. There's not much left of it at this point.

I've already made one long post about why fainting is bad, but it's worth repeating that the fainting system is idiotic at best and probably does far more bad than good when it comes to keeping users on the sites. New users are often very enthusiastic and excited, and we want to keep that. If a new user doesn't log in for a few days (it happens, lots of people have limited spare time and internet access) and builds up the hype for when they can finally continue their WoX adventures, we want to keep that enthusiasm. We want them to feel welcome and wanted and tell them "it's nice to see you again!", and make sure they have the best experience possible so that they'll keep coming back. If it's a person with limited free time and internet access, it'd mean even more if they choose to spend that time on WoX rather than other websites.

We don't want them to be told to wait an hour. That doesn't make happy feelings, that makes frustration and disappointment and confusion and maybe even guilt.

If Dan wants to do something to make sure new users come back, a "come back to us" email and a welcome back gift might be worth trying. What's definitely worth trying is getting rid of the fainting system, or at least decrease it to no more than ten minutes, so new users don't leave in the first place. If it was my decision, I'd start with the latter.

best fishes, Fish

[streettealee]

Hi, no pressure at all btw, but are you planning to continue your fic titled 'the rain (it rains every day)'? I love that one but, again, no pressure if you're not planning to

Hi there! I'm so glad you love the fic (and thank you for the ask!) It was an idea I had for ages that I finally messed with after some summer research for it, and it holds a special place in my heart as someone with a Greek background getting to explore that culture from a more personal lens (not saying I am the most authentic, as I am an immigrant grandbaby in another country, but I also am not one to water down mythology or modernise it too far, unlike quite a few folks these days). That being said, there is a vague plan to continue, though I would need to immerse myself in all the story and ideas I had again, which can be tricky since I have a habit of fixating on one story and world at a time, only to deviate randomly to quickly blurt out other ideas and then move on. At the moment, I've been focusing on my original works, which I post about over at @laylaraptis.

Anyway, fanfic has become a bit of a standstill at the moment. I had a great spurt around about a month ago now where I started writing to work through a lot of emotions I had from my personal life, and I felt the pressure of the upcoming second semester of university starting up soon. I believe I updated 'soft hearts, electric souls' during my first week of study before I got swept up in my coursework. I'm studying law, so it's a heck of a lot of work. I have to keep a schedule of my daily tasks to ensure I keep up with everything, while also keeping in mind that I need to rest and take care of myself and juggle a social life and other responsibilities. Writing (and even commenting on the works of other fan authors) often feels like more work added on top of that and my time has become, I guess, a bit more precious to me? Additionally, I got tired of a lot of TLH commentary that I kept seeing, as well as TSC in general. I more consume these things than participate in many discussions these days. It gets exhausting, a little depressing, and even somewhat boring. It got to a point where I felt like I would rather spend my time working on something far more detailed (knowledge-wise because it's something I created and therefore I know all aspects of it by technicality, whereas I do not know Cassandra Clare's mind) and within my sphere of control that I've been meaning to do for years, than spend another minute investing all my left over energy while I'm studying into fanfic of someone else's work -- especially because I have my own to work on, you know? (Please note that I do not scorn fanfic -- I love it and still read it, and I will always support other writers choosing to do what they love. Fanfic can sometimes be better than canon, and it has my full respect. My own choice that I prefer working on my novel rather than doing fanfic for the moment is a result of a bunch of factors.)

I've also been very unwell lately (think of health as like a number line, with neutral at 0, positives going up the healthier I am, and negatives clearly being the opposite. I dipped well below the negatives.) Within the span of six days, I completely exhausted my body, had multiple illnesses going on simultaneously, and was struggling just to stay awake and get through each day. I won't go into further detail as it deals with some health topics that some might find distressing, but basically, I'm still on the mend for the next three weeks just to try and reach that neutral 0 again. And from there, I still need to work up the positive side of the number line. Because of this, I've barely had time to even work on my original pieces.

So, that was a long way to say: the future of the fic 'the rain (it rains every day)' is kind of uncertain, and I apologise for that. My main fic, WBITHOM, might end up being definitively discontinued simply because I feel like I put a lot into it and the pay-off hasn't been great. I was writing, not just for myself, but for an audience. My old writing partner was someone I relied greatly upon to gauge reception, and yet I think they inadvertently also lead to me being disappointed in how little folks think about what I write. I like to do a lot of symbolism, for example, and a lot of foreshadowing (I'm always worried it comes off too heavy and obvious), but they very rarely picked up on the purposeful decisions I make in writing, and I felt like I was being too serious about something no one else took seriously, if that makes sense.

But now I get to write for me, in private, with no chapter updates to anxiously wonder if people are going to comment on or read at all, and it's been quite nice. Lonely, at times, but nicer somehow because it feels more self-inflicted. I get to work away and just post snippets and background information and progress updates and just enjoy myself. Plus, I get to explore not just Greek culture, but other Balkan cultures too in my original writing! With characters already made to fit! I'm not working with CC's characters and trying to balance fandom expectations. My characters are my own and I know them far better than I could anyone else's. Granted, I am still in early stages of this current draft, and I expect I'll stray back to the comforts fanfic offers eventually for a break, and 'the rain (it rains every day)' is at the top of the update list since everything else has had its time and this one was always scheduled next. But for now, all my fanfics are on hold until further notice. Any content produced from me will be found on @laylaraptis for the next 140-odd days (I've set a deadline for myself, which you can read more about over on that blog).

Hope this was an okay answer to your question 💀 I am very aware that I ramble a lot.

[anonofseasons]

Maybe it's due to not having spoons (fibro and the heat are getting to me bad), but my mood is up and down, and my feelings about Seasons are going up and down with it?

I'm like, "Oh this part is cute and I'm excited to share it!" and "Cal, shut up, please, you're being annoying. Keep it to yourself!" No one has said I'm being annoying. I just get super self-conscious now, bc... history of being told I'm annoying. Also, it's rather recent that I'd tell my now-ex that I was excited about something - that I'd finished a first draft or gotten a map drawn - and she'd respond with stuff like, "Did you see the witch Bath and Body Works diffuser?" (I had to beg her to congratulate me. I would do so for her when she had accomplishments, but mine? Meaningless.) Back to Seasons, though. I've been anxious that it's too long. I'm not out to set some arbitrary word count limit here. I mean "Was this really necessary, or did you just get too self-indulgent, and now you have too many loose ends to tie up?" (This is exacerbated by my writing out of order and fearing I'll forget something by the end.) That's just my brain, there. Worried that I was excessive and have made a mess, rather than a coherent story. I'm also worried that I sound so egotistical now that I'm finding joy in talking about my writing/characters. (This ties in with the first issue, that I should "shut up" haha...) I had such a weird process for years. I enjoyed the process of creation, but I... thought I was shitting out garbage. Characters, writing style, story, everything. Someone once told me years ago that I wrote nothing but man babies, and someone else later said the same thing. Second person also said my writing style induced their synesthesia so they couldn't stand to read my stuff. There have been other things, those are just some examples. It's so painful. I don't feel like I can become a better author if I don't have helpful criticism, but I've certainly had the destructive stuff launched at me. I'm still working on myself. I was only 13 months ago I got self-conscious and decided to stop sharing any of my writing publicly, so I locked up everything on AO3 in a private collection, I deleted or hid everything on google docs and other sites. And I struggled to finish Rascal (which I posted the final chapter just a few weeks before that and then ended up locking it up, haha), and now I'm struggling a bit with Seasons. I don't always struggle with ending stories, but... sometimes I do, and it definitely sinks my mood. I'm lucky in that some people have found my writing and been supportive. I'd be fucked if I didn't have @yume-x-hanabi being so supportive and nonjudgmental. She's a good writing buddy. And I have another friend who also just checks out my writing despite meeting her through fandom as well, even picked up Seasons despite the heavy content. ;A; That's a blessing. But sometimes I'm still working on saying, "No, I do love myself and these things. It doesn't matter what other people have said. They're a few people. They were mean. They don't define you or your work." Still, it sneaks up on me and leaves me scared that I have more work ahead. That I need to get better and better now, because if I want a career out of this, I'm going to have to bust my ass. And it's funny... I do enjoy the process of writing, I love building characters and writing stories and creating lore. I just wish after it was all done, I wasn't fearful that I just hot-glued a bunch of steaming shit together, and I refuse to see it...? XD; (Sorry that's a disgusting mental image, but... it wouldn't hold together, is my point.) Anyway, sorry if you read this for rambling so much. It's kind of negative. I gotta cheer up. ;A;

[quietzap]

Apart from the fact that Louis is massively losing fans because he (had to) include(d) Freddie in the documentary and I don't like comparing them either you're not wrong, Liam definitely has it worst since the Paul Podcast.

Are fans really unstanning Louis bc of this?? 😩 I know there are people who don't wanna watch the doc bc of this but unstanning... Wow. I've always said that ppl should take some distance if things become too much, and I guess for ppl who've been expecting things to get better for like 10 years (or for new fans who weren't there for the worst of it) it is indeed becoming too much. But I do think it's important to remember that this isn't *our* lives and we should emotionally detach from all of this. I mean, sure we don't like the stunts, I'm the first to say that I'd rather not see Liam than see him stunt when he's stunting 24/7. But now I get to compartmentalize things and be like "ok they stunt from time to time, I'll ignore it and focus on the good stuff".

If some fans feel so bad about the stunts then it's probably bc they focus too much on them and my advice would be to unfollow ppl who post about them. Bc like personally with the ppl I follow and all, it's rather easy to ignore the stunts. Or for example, if there's an interview that's super stunty then we don't have to read it! Maybe we'll miss some non-stunty quotes but UAs post them so we don't actually miss anything, and even if we do, it's okay. Fans don't have to be aware of every single thing that's said, and we might get some FOMO feeling at first but it won't last! Now ofc if at some point they stunt all the time then I can understand stepping away (but not unstanning) and being more of a casual fan.

But yeah the boys' job is to make music and ultimately that's what we're here for, and ofc we care about them and don't want to see them in such situations but if it makes some ppl have such strong (negative) feelings then they should stay away and focus on the music I guess. Bc it's too bad to miss out on the good things just bc the industry sucks y'know.

Several years ago when it got too much for me, I spent I think a few weeks away from it all and only saw a bit of what update accounts posted. And it helped me a lot bc when I came back to the fandom I was more emotionally detached and I made sure to only follow accounts that made my experience better. Now ofc sometimes I still get angry with the stunts and the haters bc we can't avoid them completely but it's much easier for me to handle it!

I guess when it comes to "stanning" someone or even smth fictional, we all end up too emotionally involved at some point aha but yeah it's so important to make our fandom/fan experience a good one!!

[bonesandthebees]

so this post definitely broke containment from its original intended audience. ty to everyone who has sent me condolences in the tags or asked me if I'm alright, I'm totally fine don't worry I've received worse comments than this. and I've received FAR more wonderfully kind comments than negative ones. I just made this post as a vent to keep myself from responding to the comment while I was still freshly annoyed.

however, I just saw some tags that bring up something I want to address

(note: this is in no way me being upset at the person who wrote these comments. I 100% understand why you think this, it's incredibly fair to assume very popular authors don't read all their comments, which is exactly why I want to correct it)

I didn't want to specify which of my fics I received this comment on because I didn't want anyone else to try and find it and respond to it, but others have already figured it out and responded and I've just decided to freeze the comment thread instead.

anyway, the fic I got this comment on currently has over 578,000 hits, and almost 4k comments. since this post broke containment and most people reblogging this don't know me, this isn't even my most popular fic. my most popular fic has over 2 million hits and 9.6k comments. I am, by all definitions, an incredibly popular author for my fandom.

despite this, despite all the emails I get from ao3 on a daily basis, I still saw this comment. I don't respond to my comments for the most part, because, well, it's a lot (and a vast majority of the time the questions I get in my comments have answers you can find on my social media). and sure, back when I was updating that fic that has over 500k hits or that fic that now has over 2 million hits, I would probably skim over a few comments because so many would come into my inbox at once. but I still read all of them. and now that my fandom has slowed down significantly and I no longer get blasted with 100+ comments within 2 hours of posting a chapter, I see pretty much every comment I get. across all 68 fics I've posted. I see them, and they still hurt.

and if you want to say, well bee, you clearly get so many good comments heaping you with praise you shouldn't really be complaining about the fraction of bad ones you get, you're right, I have no room to complain. I'm unbelievably grateful for how much support and love I get on my fanfic. it's why I've stayed in this fandom longer than any fandom I've written for in the past.

but I want people to know that all ao3 authors see their comments, regardless of how big or small they are. I want people to know that it hurts to see something you wrote for free entirely out of love for your favorite characters be criticized in such harsh ways. don't assume that just because a fic was posted years ago, or the author is hugely popular that they won't see it so it gives you free reign to comment whatever you want. we'll see it, so be kind. if you want to criticize a fic that's fine, but do it in a private space. don't do it in the fics comments section where you'll just be shoving it in the author's face.

ao3 commenters PSA: even on older fics with a ton of comments the authors still get the notifs for every single comment

re: the person who just left a multi paragraph comment on one of my older fics talking about how much they disliked the ending and detailing several alternate endings they came up with instead that they thought would be better, and ending the comment with "no one is going to see this but oh well" authors see your comments yes even on old fics and it really doesn't feel good to see a comment like that even years after I finished the fic

[polandspringz]

bday musings 1/9/25

This is my first birthday out of school completely. Like out of college into working class world. It's a bit weird because working an office job (just switched careers from the hellish job I took right out of college for 6 months) feels roughly the same as being in school. But back to the more structured school than college that I'm not used to for a while. I go to a place for 8 hours a day, try and find things to look busy, and go home for a few hours before I have to wake up the next day. I got special food + cake and played a video game and watched some shows, but besides that it's nothing big. There's no time for something big, not with so much of the day eaten up from work, and there being work again tomorrow. And since I'm at a new job and still learning things/getting acquainted with my coworkers, its not like anyone knew. There's no conversations to be had- no way to bring it up naturally. What usually happens with jobs/school is a few weeks or months out, I'll witness what happens for someone else's birthday. Maybe they WILL do something special for them, will know it from working with them for years, and I'll think "ah, this is what it would've been like". Or it could be a simple mention in a week or so of someone else's birthday, and the conversation will inevitably turn to "oh, when is YOUR birthday, by the way?" and I have to play it off when I calmly say a date that was so soon ago, and they realize it just passed, and the awkwardness seeps in.

When I got home from work, I thought about a memory from elementary school. In my Spanish class, on our birthdays our teacher gave out a sticker. It was my birthday, and I was looking forward to it finally being my turn to get the special sticker, and the other kids in class knew it was my birthday too. I was too shy to bring it up myself, so one of my friends tried to tell the teacher, but there was something happening that day (some homework or lesson) and she was distracted, and so we didn't have time to bring it up. I remember my friend looking at me apologetically when class ended before I could be given the sticker. I think it more speaks to my nature to overthink things/hold grudges, whatever you want to call this, for the fact I still think about this event some decade and a half later.

Last year on my birthday I posted some musings that were much more negative, upset. I still feel those things, to be honest. I still wish I could make it a BIG day, have a whole party, invite my friends, be the center of attention. But life always gets in the way. I feel like my birthday NEVER falls on weekends, always on weekdays, and always away from Fridays. Couple that with a winter birthday, and living in the east coast, and the weather makes it near impossible to do anything fun. And now that we're all adults, its all work schedules and other things getting in the way. And the problem is I'm still too shy to speak up, or still too passive to make the effort to do things on my own. The problem is I am always the one planning things, doing things for others, so I always wish that, even though I'm sure its impossible to do because of my schedule being crazy in its own way, I wish that I could have like- a surprise party or something. Or just be told "hey leave this date open, you'll see why" and not have to plan things myself, just show up and be the center of attention with no effort expended on my part. I'm definitely the self-centered type, but I do wish my birthday could be like me being a princess, just everyone surrounding me and fawning over me- because the reality of the connection I do get on the day is so empty. Talking to deaf ears and reading messages on a phone screen. And the one person you really wish did message you forgets too- even though they technically "messaged" you about it earlier in the week, by mentioning your birthday was coming up- but to my brain it doesn't really count because they didn't say the actual words/phrase "Happy Birthday" or do it on the exact day.

And then its my own fault for wrecking any possible plans for the weekend. Although I only made the decision to make solo plans because my friends were too busy. But now by planning to go somewhere by myself, I've cut off all other possible avenues of possibilities. We say we'll reschedule our hang out or celebrations to a later date, but I don't know why, but I just get... really hung up about stuff- the celebration, the happy birthday messages, everything- happening on the actual date. I guess it's like I become an afterthought, have to be shuffled around, that feeling. And it feels like the day that I always see others get to celebrate and have things go perfectly for, is always in the way on my calendar.

Anyway, I'm 24 now. Been on this website for 12 years now.

[variousqueerthings]

There are, however, those for whom there is no other answer [other than to have surgery]. In my experience these people, both men and women, are asexual before they make the changeover and have difficulty in relating to others because of their own confusion which comes from deep within them. Once they have made the changeover, and they are what they have always felt themselves to be, their emotions are released and they become capable of a deep loving.

"Know Thyself" speech by Mrs Doreen Cordell at the 16th March, 1974 TV/TS UK conference, held in Leeds

Fascinated by the use of the word asexual here, definitely covering (if not actually mainly about) what we today would call "aromanticism" and the ways the conference/1970s attitudes towards TS/TV distinction takes on a pathologisation of various behaviours in an attempt to normalise the parts that individual activists/speakers related more to within themselves -- I am the normal trans, and you can tell because of xyz medically/psychologically measurable behaviours

I think this is a limitation that's deeply baked into 20th century trans histories and politics, which in no small amount came from the pathologisation of queerness (see how trans and ace are linked along the lines of mental illness) as a whole in the 1950s-onwards, specifically from the cis, white, male majority psycho-babble

It's important to unpack these limitations, especially as how they pertain to throwing others under the bus, in particular if we as a community want to better support anti-colonialist and anti-racist gender movements and our intersex siblings

The 1974 conference is an important moment in trans history, that undoubtedly contains within it a great deal of joy and community, as well as intersex voices (Miss Della Alexander was a pretty big deal in the UK community in 1974, although I wonder if some of her ideas aren't too radical even for today -- I think they're still very interesting and might share some of her words on here as well, they certainly make me think, even if I don't know where those lines of thoughts are going) but simultaneously reiterates or often struggles to have the effective words to challenge white, western-centric, passing-focused, pathologised, and intersexist ideologies

what parts of all of this muddle have we managed to challenge today, and what voices are we still not centering enough?

I do note, I know a few trans people who identified as ace pre-transitioning, as well as trans people who identified as allo in one way or another, and their sexuality changing with transition -- crucially, they didn't think of their pre-transition sexualities as a negative, but merely a part of their ongoing journey, and even if someone were to see it as a negative symptom (and I'm sure many do) it's not a generalisation of everyone's experience in the way one often risks seeing in some of these older takes (or... some modern takes)

(I deliberately didn't get more into the asexual/aromantic conflagration and pathologisation, because that's its whooole own post that I'm still thinking about as I continue to read the conference transcript. suffice to say, it's interesting to learn more and unpack a lot of what was said 50 years ago)

[faithisforthetranspeople]

Hex's Media Thread 2021 Archive (Part 1)

Said a day or two ago I'd archive this stuff in case Twitter truly goes under because it's sadly become something I've actually rather enjoyed to do and be somewhat more open about my opinions on things. Funny how on paper I resigned myself to all data on the internet being temporary but when confronted with the idea of losing some personal things I scuttled to preserve them ^^;.

Anyways this post is gonna be rather small in comparison to the others cause I wasn't doing it until halfway through the year. Also in the future expect to see me make individual posts for just an entry or two whenever I'm caught up :). Also before you ask, the reason Scott is here is because I made it originally as a Media Thread joke image but then ended up actually making one.

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim was a very fun way to start off the year and I would frequently chip away at it a couple hours before bed every night before deciding near the end to just binge through it all. I really liked how the story presented itself and that was a big hook that kept me going along even when some of the characters weren't nearly as interesting as others. The gameplay is simple and you can easily become overpowered with no real effort just by buying a few moves and that's fine, in my experience the VN with 10% sRPG gameplay is usually not very difficult anyways. I haven't played this studio's other games before but I've been made aware the ending of this is decently similar to another of their works but seeing as I don't know of it I'm instead choosing to live in ignorant bliss and say it comes together pretty great! It isn't mind-bending but the journey that leads there is very fun and filled with a lot of interesting moments and wondering what's going on.

The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky 3rd is maybe still my favorite entry in the franchise but I'm a bit torn on the decision after playing a few others. I know it's a somewhat controversial game since there's no real sidequesting and reused overworld (mostly) like the other games have but at the same time it means I don't have to follow a spoiler-free sidequest guide playing the game and not have to miss everything ^^;. The reason I loved this one so much is I just generally like Kevin and Ries more as characters than Estelle and Joshua because their adopted family to lovers dynamic is just something I can never fully in good conscious really get behind, and while there is a tragically small amount of that in Kevin/Ries as well (with a few other weird issues in his life growing up as well) it's just easier to swallow for me. But enough about the negatives, one thing I love about the format of this game is the Door system allows for every character to get some moments of backstory or further development to bridge the gap between Sky games and what the series has eventually moved onto and become that I really like!

Jujutsu Kaisen Season 1! I watched her! To be honest I don't have many thoughts on this series that probably haven't been expressed everywhere else. It looks great and it inspired me to continue on and read the manga which was really great as well but I've just kinda fallen off on it recently. Nobara so cool

Blaster Master Zero and Blaster Master Zero 2 were played in such a close succession to each other that I just added both at the same time. I've always loved the Megaman Zero games ever since a friend introduced me to them about ~6 years ago and eventually have gone on to play even more of Inticreates works because they just make such fun games. The first game definitely has some rough parts to get around such as the moments of backtracking and some archaic level design due to trying to be a mostly-faithful remake of the original Blaster Master as well as having the most effort to get the true ending of the trilogy, which isn't that much of an issue for me since I love 100%ing metroid-styled games anyways but is still worth mentioning. The story doesn't do anything crazy but it does enough to endear you to the cast imo.

The sequel takes a lot of notes on where to improve where the original was lacking and it does it wonderfully. There's a lot more character banter and optional dialogue you can trigger compared to the small amount in the 1st game and coupled with a way more interesting story it made it very easy to get engaged quicker. There's so much Quality of Life changes like being able to warp back to Sophia instantly using fred both on the world map and when finishing a dungeon, or the change to have energy recharge and work differently making it so energy-consuming weapons don't suck as much ass to use as they did in 1. The planet hopping system is also wonderful because it cuts down on backtracking almost fully and every single system has a very unique atmosphere in the main planet and some fun side-planets for upgrades. If you're observant enough on the collection overview screen it's also very easy to tell what the true ending requirements are in this game, and that entire section + the final boss might be my favorite part of this series barring some specific moments in 3.

Monster Hunter Rise basegame was very fun and I loved it. My favorite Monster Hunter game is Generations which got me into the series back in 2016 and this one was a close contender with very fast and fun movement fighting aggressive monsters that somewhat compensate for all these new tools. The serpent themes are some of my fav music I've heard in Monhun and I'm just glad this game didn't fall off in enjoyment for me like World did. Rampage is a slightly penis gameplay mechanic I will say but it didn't take too much of the playtime up sooo whatever. I'll give more thoughts in a later post when Sunbreak came out but fwiw my new favorite monster they added in the basegame was Goss Harag :).

Final Fantasy XIV: Eden's Promise (Savage) was a grind for my static at the time but it ended up being my favorite Savage tier... which didn't mean much at the time since I started raiding during Eden's Verse lmao. But even after the next two raid tiers (my group disbanded after scheduling issues for p8s) it's still my favorite and I'll always think that e11s is one of the coolest interpretations of a character ever.

Yakuza 0 is a game I took forever to finally sink my teeth into and god damn was I missing out. Between all the side-missions and modes (which I had done all of except Majima's Amon fight because I didn't feel like grinding for a broken weapon) and the actual story I sunk a good amount of time in this world and I really need to get back in there with Yakuza Kiwami. It will happen before 2024 ends mark my words.

No Straight Roads was a strong GOTY contender for me back in 2021 cause I loved its presentation due to it reminding me of some games I grew up with like Psychonauts for example, and the boss fights were super creative and the music gimmick was so cool and also just had some bangers. I don't even feel like I've given this game the time it deserves to cook because I skipped a lot of the lore files you get throughout the game and I definitely want to go back to it sometime to see them but I also feel like the game was just good enough that I don't feel like I've fucked up by skipping all that cause the normal story was already really fun to me and even a bit emotional at times.

Chainsaw Man. You can read it and it's pretty cool but it hasn't stuck with me strongly as a whole (I haven't been reading much of part 2) and I prefer Fujimoto's one-shots a lot more but still liked my time with this one!

And finally for the end of this part, Rhythm Heaven Fever! Yes I somehow took all until 2021 to play this game despite having played Megamix years ago and loving other Rhythm games like Project Diva and Theatrhytm (and also having a best friend who talked about this game all the time and we'd even Talk About The Series Together). The gameplay is so fun despite only being a few buttons and each minigame really stands out with the remixes being fun and having some banger songs thrown in. I think the monkey's from Monkey Watch can all go burn in hell.

There should be two more updates to 2021 before I get to move on to 2022 but I hope you've enjoyed these little thought capsules :). When we catch up and I get to post more things individually the posts should be a bit more focused and interesting but thanks if you've read it all anyways!

[hikaruklaus]

Heya, my name is Klaus. I'm a hentai artist and professional game developer. This post acts as an introduction, as well as a semi-incoherent rant.

... Enjoy?

I'm in a bit of a rut at the moment, I haven't been happy for a while now and I feel like I need some sort of space to write about my thoughts and stuff. I know very little about tumblr and how it works, which is part of the reason I picked it as my little "vent space". I've never been fully active on social media, but I know that I really hate Twitter, Facebook is frustrating to use, TikTok is overwhelming and irritating, and Reddit has a lot of unnecessary negativity floating around constantly. Hopefully this place is a little bit better. I'm not expecting people to follow or even see the stuff I post, but I hope the environment is less hostile and irritating than its competition.

I'm in my early 20s, and I'm a real goddamn nerd (you know, in case the whole "game developer and hentai artist" introduction didn't make that obvious). I love Nintendo games, heavy metal, cats, and vtubers. I have an off-beat sense of humour, don't know how else to describe it. Earthbound and Monkey Island kind of stuff.

I'm definitely on the weirder side (again, in case that wasn't obvious), at least partially because I'm autistic. I doodle ahegao faces while waiting for meetings to start, I have a compilation of various Hololive vtubers screaming as my alarm in the morning, and I have a Spotify playlist that jumps from Metallica's recent "Screaming Suicide" to the full version of that "Japanese Goblin" song that went viral like a year ago.

I'm a massive degenerate (in case that wasn't obvious [3× COMBO]). I have the whole starter package, a daki, an oppai mousepad, and like a dozen physical doujinshi.

They say tattoo artists shouldn't be tattoo artists unless they themselves have been tattoo'd, because they should know what the experience is like.

...Let's just say I'm glad the same doesn't go for hentai artists.

I speak a variety of languages, but I'll primarily be posting in English. Might throw in some Japanese dialogue into a drawing or something if I'm in the mood, it happens.

I've studied both art and game design. I'm a character artist/animator, and a generalist game designer. Don't feel like I'm particularly good at either one of them to be honest with you. : P

I use Clip Studio Paint EX to draw, and I'm slowly getting used to its animation tools as well. (I've mainly used OpenToonz, Krita, and FireAlpaca in the past, but I love the CSP brushes and layout so much that I'm trying to switch over entirely.)

I have experience with a lot of game engines, ranging from the Unreal Engine (aka my mortal enemy) to the much more simple and comfortable GameMaker Studio. I've worked on a variety of projects, some solo, others with different groups of people. Very unlikely anything you've played though.

I'm probably going to be posting a hentai drawing or three here. I tend to draw lewd shit when I'm sad, dunno why. Never had a place to post them before. I might just post a quick 5-minute sketch, or maybe a rough animation. I don't really know yet. Might do it daily, might do it once every few months.

Like I said, I haven't been happy for a good while now. I jump in and out of depressive episodes pretty often but this one's managed to last for a little longer than they usually do. I would love to tell my friends about it, but I just feel like I'd be a massive nuisance to them.

There's a lot that's bothering me, and I feel like I have to express it somehow. I'm not really a fan of "venting" on the internet, maybe because it reminds me of my teenage years, I don't know for sure- but posting it here feels "safe", it's in some random blog post no one will read, not an alarming message on discord or whatsapp, so I won't have to worry about bothering anyone, and I'll still get to write about how I feel.

Nothing I do feels right. My drawings look bad. My conversations are stale. My sleep schedule is fucked. My code is messy. I know things will get better eventually, I've been through this before, but it's hard to convince myself that that's actually the case and not just something I'm making up.

I've been feeling extremely lonely lately. As you can probably imagine if you've read all the stuff written above, I'm not exactly what you'd call a "chick magnet". I haven't been in a relationship since I was in my mid-teens, and the one I was in back then was long-distance. I haven't held a girl's hand since I was five or so and we were practically forced to do so in kindergarten. I've never kissed anyone in my life. I'm awful at nonverbal communication, and I get really jumpy whenever someone touches me, neither of which are great in a relationship. Finding someone with the same interests as me is practically impossible. I googled a whole bunch of statistics a few months back and came to the conclusion that every time I meet someone in the country I'm currently in, there is a 0.000773% chance that we have some interests in common, are both attracted to each other, and that they are single. (Oh yeah, I like numbers. Forgot to mention that.) That 0.000773% is obviously just an estimate, but I tried to be as "fair" as possible with the calculation. I very rarely leave my house, my eyesight is really rough so driving is out of the question, which means meeting new people is a rare occurance. At this point I feel like the best move might just be to give up and accept that I'll be alone forever, but that just makes me even sadder.

My real name isn't Klaus. It's an alias I came up with a few years ago that I only ended up using once to post a drawing. The drawing in question was on the lewder side of things, and I didn't want it to be associated with my other alias because no one knew about my "un-seiso" drawings. I've improved a lot as an artist since posting that old drawing and decided to pick the alias back up.

My reason for this isn't that my drawings are some kind of "DEEP DARK SECRET" that I have to keep from anyone- to be completely honest with you, I don't really care if anyone finds out what my main alias is. I just want to keep my hentai drawings separate from my more, ahem, "family friendly brand", that's all.

Sorry for rambling so much. It's very, very late, and I should be asleep by now. Bless your heart if you actually read all that crap. Cheers.

PS. Unless I decide to change it in the future, I realised right before posting this that I never set a profile picture, so I doodled an ahegao face as fast as I could, and for some reason I actually kind of like it. Really wish it weren't off-center though, might fix that tomorrow.