#But I’ve been ‘faking it’ my entire life and every time the actual confidence starts to come it’s like the universe is telling me
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I don’t know why people are shocked my self-confidence is so low. I’m excellent at faking it but in reality whenever my confidence genuinely starts to build the universe always makes sure to step in and pull the rug out from under my feet, socking me in the solar plexus while telling me, “actually, you’re shit, and what accomplishments you do have you aren’t ever allowed to acknowledge and won’t ever be acknowledged. Have a nice day.”
#Hm.#text#chey.txt#The other week one of my good friends—who has known me for over fifteen years—was shocked when I revealed my self-confidence was very low.#She said she’d always viewed me as extremely confident and that she was genuinely baffled to hear I wasn’t#Yes that is rather the idea. Fake it ‘til you make it and all that#But I’ve been ‘faking it’ my entire life and every time the actual confidence starts to come it’s like the universe is telling me#I’m not allowed to be.
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oh my god friends I just survived one of the most excruciatingly awkward experiences of my life… I went back to this salon I’ve gone to before but I booked with a different stylist because I haven’t really liked the haircuts I’ve gotten from this one lady. my appts with her have all been really late (like 7-7:30pm range) so I was like there’s no way she’ll be there at 8:30am right… I can avoid the awkwardness of being like oh I actually want to go to this other guy. except when I walk in OF COURSE the lady is there and she immediately greets me, takes my coat, and ushers me into her chair. I should have just SAID SOMETHING but I was way too mortified and she was so confident I was like maybe I got it wrong? like she knows her own schedule right? but then the guy was also there just puttering around looking like he was obviously waiting for someone and I was just like 🫠🫠🫠 well it’s too late to fix this I have to live with my choices 🫠🫠🫠 but then it occurred to me that she was expecting me because she must have had an 8:30am appointment which meant that at any second her actual client was going to come through the door and demand to know why I had taken her appt slot. so I spent the entire 40 min haircut in a state of suppressed panic like my heart was POUNDING watching every car pull in like it was going to be her real client and then I was going to have to fake being confused and then it would all come out MY WEB OF LIES & DECEIT UNRAVELING AROUND ME. except no one came in and I started thinking my god am I going to get away with it???? until at the VERY END when a woman came in and I was like oh my god here it is JUDGMENT DAY HAS COME AT LAST…. except she went over to the guy who was waiting around, plopped down in his chair, and was like ‘hey! let’s do the same cut and color as last time’ to which I was like ???? DID I GET IT WRONG DID I JUST THINK ABOUT BOOKING WITH A DIFF STYLIST BUT ACTUALLY WENT WITH THE NORMAL ONE????? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME and then I just had a total silent meltdown in the chair and could barely manage to speak normally to the first stylist as I was checking out lmao and then I RAN to my car and HIGHTAILED it out of there like she was going to see my name on the credit card and run out after me to be like UMM you booked with a different stylist?????? oh my god my heart is still pounding aaaaaa. then I got home and checked and I did in fact have an appt scheduled with the guy stylist, not the lady who actually cut my hair, which I believe means I just paid for a haircut and then am going to be charged the full price of a second haircut since I’ll show up in his books as a no-show. and now I have to decide if I call the salon and play dumb about the charge or if I just accept the $46 bill as divine punishment for being the most awkward and non-confrontational human being alive
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Life update
22/08/23
This past week has been better because my life is starting to fall back into place. Although its going slowly, its comforting to know that im doing better both mentally and physically.
This week i managed to prove to myself that im capable of fufilling my own promises to myself and im becoming better at self discipline. And the more i do it, the more i feel confident about myself. Real confidence. Because before i had fake confidence and by fake i mean i made myself believe i was confident but in reality i was lying to myself so that i dont have to face my own miserable reality.
Here are the things that im doing:
1. I began to workout, its been difficult at first and im not doing it concistently but its a start and i am trying my best. So far i managed to complete a whole workout which was a great accomplishment and i was proud of myself.
2. I decided to practice fasting. Im following a pattern where i eat for 12 hours and fast for 36 hours. I am following this pattern in order to get my measurements down to about 34-23/22-35. And so far i managed to complete a 36 hour fast and whilst i was fasting i realised that i dont get hungry easily and its just that i eat out of boredom.
Fasting has a lot of benefits and this is a short-term diet since i am not fat and just out of shape and during my 12 hour eating pattern i can eat anything i want. I DON’T HAVE AN EATING DISORDER and im also fasting for the other benefits such as: autophagy, cognitive performance and other amazing benefits. And i have fasted before so i know what im doing. If you want to learn more watch this video.
youtube
3. I decided to read a book a week. For a number of reasons: i want to spend less time on social media, i want to increase my knowledge, i want to widen my vocabulary, i want to speak properly because even though english is my first language, i cant speak because i keep tripping over my words and mid sentance my brain goes blank.
Other things that ive been doing:
im watching my comfort show One Tree Hill and im soo close to finishing the show which is making me sad because i dont want to finish it. The show is my absolute favourite thing in the entire world. The characters in the show are relatable in a lot of ways and this show taught me that being a teenager can be confusing but its also fun because im learning and going through a lot of change
Also the cast are soo fine
I mean…
Lucas scott (chad micheal murray) is soo fine
Anyways, back in June, i did my GCSES which if you don’t know is some standerdised exam every 15-16 year old does in the uk, and i get my results this week Thursday. And im not nervous about the actual exam results, im more worried about meeting everyone at school again and seeing my “friends” again. Which im planning on cutting them off and im really really scared about it because i hate confrontation. But im going to do it for myself and i dont want to live a lie anymore. Its exhausting. So im going to say to them that i dont want to be friends with them anymore.
I personaly am sick and tired of letting other people around me dictating my life and controlling the type of person i should be because thats my job. All my life ive been trying to please everyone and not myself. I also am a shy person (according to literally everyone around me) but i believe that im not and im sick of being “quiet” and “introverted” like i cant even set boundries or stand up for myself. WHICH IS SOOO PATHETIC. So that has to change because this type of behavior prevents me from achieving many things in my life.
And im not a little girl anymore and my parents arent always going to be with me so i need to grow up and act grown. I really hope i change and i believe that i can because this summer i went abroad for vacation and i spoke a lot of people so i can.
I really need to believe that im not who i used to be and if i want to have my desired futrure, i need to act like my desired self.
Well thats all i’ve been doing so far and im starting to like this new version of me.
Thank you, ira
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When He Loves Me
Masterlist
author note: I honestly don't like this one that much. If this one does okay I might write more Fez.
Fez x fem!reader
word count: 1,061
song: Cloud 9 -Beach Bunny
warning(s): drug use, cussing, pining, pretty much just fluff
outfit reader is wearing
I don’t wanna seem the way I do
But I’m confident when I’m with you
I look good. I look great. He’s gonna like it. Just breathe. You need to ooze confidence even if it’s not real. Fake it til you make it.
“Hey fezzy.”
“Hey mama. What’s up?”
“Nothin, just here to get some Swishers and Doritos,” I say as I put the Doritos on the counter and wait for him to hand me the Swishers. I try to hand him a $40, but then he says, ”If you come over tonight you can get these on the house.”
I take them from him and say, “I’ll see you tonight then good sir.” Okay good now smile, walk away, turn back to him at the door, flip your hair, wink, and continue walking out, remember to exhale.
Fez POV:
Fuck. I can’t even lie; every time she comes in here my heart starts beating out of its chest. Got me feelin’ all fuzzy and shit. I have no idea why I invited her over tonight. As soon as she smiled at me that was it. Fuck, what am I gonna do?
Lately, all I feel is bad and bruised
Tired of tripping on my shoes
“Should I bring edibles,” I ask Rue.
“I mean if you want.”
“You’re like no help, you know that?”
“I mean, I’m not entirely sure what you want from me,” she says before she starts laughing, ”Dude why are you so nervous? It’s just Fez.”
“That’s exactly why I’m nervous. I’m not sure what to do. What do I say? I don’t wanna-“
“Look, Fez won’t care. He’s the chillest person I know, and he likes you, so just be you.”
“He likes me,” I ask before turning and falling flat on my face.
Lately, I’ve been feeling not alive
But you bring me back to life
“I brought gummies!”
“Gummies?
“Yup. Think I’d waste good weed on you? No way,” I say hoping he picks up on the humor in my tone.
“Oh, is that right,” he asks smiling at me. Oh, thank goodness he picked up on it. I’ve been told my humor is hard to detect. I walk in and we chill on his couch. I would question where Ash is, but I know he can hold his own. Also, I don’t mind the alone time with Fez.
I decide to turn on the boombox I got for him last Christmas. I remember him looking at me like I was crazy when he saw it. Told me that no one owned a boombox anymore. I responded by telling him that he’ll appreciate it when the wifi goes out.
It takes the gummies a bit to actually kick in but man when they do.
“Okay, no, but think about it. This bitch Dora, and here come your annoying ass, “y/n, you can’t call Dora a bitch. That’s not right.” Man, FUCK DORA!”
“Are you sure your high ass only took the gummies?”
“No, but my point still stands!”
We chill like that for a while. Sometimes we don’t say anything and just bask in each other’s company. It’s nice. I haven’t felt this content in a while. A slower song comes up next on the cd. I believe it’s called As The World Caves In. I used to hear it on TikTok a lot. It came to a point where I eventually ended up listening to the full song on YouTube.
I unconsciously scoot closer into him. His arm is hanging on the back of the couch. I eventually become so close that I can feel him breathing.
“Hey, Fezzy?”
“What’s up ma?”
“Do you like me?”
“I wouldn’t have you in my place if I didn’t like you,” he says while smiling at me.
“Not like that. I was talking to Rue earlier today and she said that you like me. Like, more than a friend.”
“I’m actually in love with you, but you were close.”
I don’t really say anything back. I honestly just looked up at him and just kissed him. Something that was way overdue, and I can’t believe it took me being high to do. You know the best part? He kissed me back. He pulled me on his lap to straddle him and he kissed me back. I can finally die happy.
But when he loves me
I feel like I’m floating
When he calls me pretty
I feel like somebody
3 months later
I spend most of my free time at Fez’s now. Mostly just making sure he and Ash eat and shit. I know he’s nervous about me being here considering Mouse comes here a lot, but he really doesn’t need to be. Especially since Mouse is kind of sort of my cousin and I basically helped him for years before I decided to focus on school. I still stay hidden though. I’d rather Fez not know. That’s my way of keeping him hidden. Safe.
I’m cleaning up the kitchen because Ash convinced me that we just had to make pancakes today and let’s just say my clumsiness plus his eagerness did not mix well. There was flour everywhere, some of the mix spilled out of the bowl, eggshells that missed the trash, you know, all that jazz. I’m washing the last dish when I feel Fez’s arms wrap around my waist.
“You know, you’d be a really pretty housewife.”
“You’d love that wouldn’t you.”
“I would actually.”
“Maybe one day we can make that happen.”
“I can make that wish come true, ma. Just say when.”
“Yeah, alright lover boy just hand me that towel. We need to cuddle. I’ve missed you today.”
Even when we fade
Eventually to nothing
You will always be
My favorite form of loving
7 months later
I finally got Fez and Ash to stay in a room with me and just chill. I was leaning in Fez’s arm while Ash’s head was on my lap. I convinced them that we should watch The Sopranos because it’s one of the best shows of all time. Ash probably will never admit it, but I could see in his body language that he was really enjoying the show. I think Fez was just happy that we were all together as a family.
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I Burn For You
***So THIS has been stuck in my head all day and I just- I love it. I love it so much. And it reminded me...So you guys all know how I hate/love Lucifer...it gave me those vibes. So........... Well I haven't written anything actually relevant to The Facade of the Suitor or anything else that I've been procrastinating, I have been able to push out this little short inspired by this beauty of a duet that is EVERYTHING to me. -B***
Summary: Since MC's arrival, Lucifer and them have never fully gotten along. There was always a large, unknown and undiscussed tension between them and they were fine to keep it that way. But when MC's security in the Devildom is threatened by both the angels and the nobility of the Devildom itself, everything changes. As a ruse to persuade the celestial realm, MC and Lucifer wed. After the ceremony, they finally talk about the unacknowledged feelings burning inside of both of them.
MC x Lucifer
The air hung heavy and thick like the gold bands that now decorated both of your fingers.
You and Lucifer stood on opposite sides of the room, your backs facing one another with nothing but silence between you.
You couldn't help but reminisce on how you got here, on your supposed 'honeymoon' married to none other but the prideful, arrogant, avatar of sin, Lucifer Morningstar himself.
Diavolo had burst into the House of Lamentation an entire month ago. He desperately explained how the angels had received word about you through the fond, innocent-intending, stories of Luke and we're demanding that you be 'released' from your 'imprisonment in the infernal Devildom and that they wished to cleanse you of the 'hellish corruption' the demons had 'forced upon you' through your pacts. Wanting to avoid yet another Celestial War, even on a small scale, the noble court had wanted to agree and simply hand you over to them, cut your pacts, and banish you from returning as an act of agreement and co-operation with the angels.
Obviously, this didn't sit well with you or any of the brothers.
You had all tried to come up with a number of plans, but they all promised retaliation from the angels.
Eventually, it was Lucifer himself who begrudgingly came up with the final plan. The angels wouldn't believe you if you simply told them that you liked it here and wanted to stay. They'd think you were charmed or manipulated. However, if the two of you worked together, and pretended to be in a relationship, convince the angels of your 'genuine' feelings and prove to them that you were in love, and finalize this by marrying Lucifer, it just might work.
First of all, love was something that had sparked war in the past, that both sides had learned from and had grown to deeply treasure and value. Secondly, Micheal, head Archangel of the Celestial Realm, trusted Lucifer the most of all the brothers. The two of you could take advantage of that use it to convince him that you were actually safer in the Devildom by Lucifer's side. And finally, if you were willingly bound by marriage, there was very little that the Celestial Realm could do to force you to leave.
The plan wasn't terrible, but there was one thing about it that caused you to clench your fists and grind your teeth: it was with Lucifer.
Lucifer who constantly teased you and pushed your buttons in a way that he knew would cause you to either give in to him or snap.
Lucifer who was cruel and sadistic and did nothing unless there was some personal gain or it was under the demand of his precious Diavolo.
Lucifer who never ever put anything before his own stupid pride.
Though you were normally a calm and positive person, there was just something about Lucifer that had always caused an inferno of anger and rebellion to burn within you. You felt this strong need to constantly prove him wrong and to defy him.
As a result, the two of you consistently butted heads, arguing about Lucifer's treatment of his brothers and your recklessness on an almost weekly basis.
The idea of being chained to this...this demon for the rest of your mortal life caused your stomach to twist tightly into knots. Though, if it ensured you'd be able to stay with the rest of your found family? You'd make the necessary sacrifice.
So the two of you did the whole show. You went on dates, smiled and laughed together as though you were the lead roles in a Hallmark Christmas movie, and played every card in the book to convince the angels that you were safe and happy under the kind watch of your lover.
Those weeks had started off painful, as you pushed back all feelings of disdain for the eldest brother to play the role of the perfect partner. But as time passed, you hadn't noticed that it had become easier and easier to stay by his side. The smiles you gave him were no longer forced, but sincere ones that brought joy. The lines between what was real and what was fake began to blur.
You sealed the deal with your wedding only a few hours ago.
The vows Lucifer had spoken...promising to watch and protect you even as your skin wrinkled and your hair grew grey. To hold your hand and aid you when you no longer had the strength. To shower you in love and devotion even in your final hours.
They had been spoken with such passion and raw emotion that you didn't dare think too deeply about. It had caused your breath to catch in your throat, and you had to remind yourself that this was all an act. Soon the curtain would close, and Lucifer would return to the cold-hearted monster that you knew.
Yet even now, hours after the ceremony had finished, you couldn't get that intense gaze, and the sparks that exploded under your fingertips as his hands gently squeezed yours, out of your head.
Lucifer sighed from the other side of the room and glanced over at you. "Are we just going to continue ignoring each other?"
You scoffed and turned your head further away; ignoring the loud pounding of your heart and instead focusing on the flickers of frustration licking up your gut. "What else are we supposed to do? There's no one else around. The act is over."
You whirled around at his sarcasm and could practically feel the wrath blazing behind your eyes. "Sorry, my Lord, if I'm not exactly giddy about the fact that I just signed myself to the likes of you just for the approval of some fluffy winged assholes!"
You could practically hear Lucifer roll his eyes as he walked over to the liquor cart and poured himself a drink. "Right. So you just plan to spend the entirety of the weekend that Micheal paid for us brooding in a corner? How mature of you."
Lucifer, the fucker, had the gull to act unphased and casually swirled his drink in his hand. "It could be much, much worse," he took a sip of the amber liquid before staring down in his glass. "It's not as though you didn't agree to this."
"Only because I didn't want to be kicked out of the Devildom and never allowed to see your brothers again!" You growled. Your anger only grew as you noticed him clench his fingers tighter around the glass. You groaned and ran a hand through your hair. "This was a stupid plan! You probably just invented this entire ruse as yet another way to get under my skin. Well congratulations, Lucifer. You win!"
You refused to look at him, as you turned your heated gaze out the window.
You didn't see the flash of hurt that washed over his expression, nor hear the way his breath caught in his throat. "Is being married to me truly that awful? Are you honestly telling me that you haven't enjoyed even a single second of this past month?"
You tensed and crossed your arms over your chest, as you continued to avoid looking at him. "What kind of question is that? You're a demon who cares about nothing but himself," you pursed your lips and mentally tried to deny just how wrong those words felt on your tongue.
"I wouldn't say that's true. Believe it or not, I do care for my brothers." There was a shaky breath, one so uncharacteristic for the confident Morningstar, before he continued. "And you. I did promise to love you until your final breath after all, and I do not break my promises."
There was silence once again. Though this quiet seemed to crackle with the anticipation for something, though neither of you quite knew what.
You closed your eyes, refusing to acknowledge the flutter in your heart at his words. "Those vows were only part of the act. They weren't real."
"Perhaps not for you," your eyes snapped open at the response. You looked back at the demon. Lucifer stood leaning against the wall, drink still in hand, as he stared intensely at the floor. "This may have all been an act for you, MC, but it stopped being a ruse for me mere hours after we began."
You felt yourself frown as you stared at him. Your traitor heart dared to grow warm with hope, only adding fuel to the growing frustration inside you. "You're lying. You're just trying to get me worked up again."
"Actually, I'm not," his eyes met yours and it felt as though time froze. His expression was so unguarded, so honest. For once, you looked into his eyes and you could see every emotion that he wore openly before you. You could see the hurt, the certainty, and most of all the same passionate love that shone so brightly in them throughout the ceremony. "From the moment I met you, you caused a fire to ignite in my heart. I was determined to control you and to make you be the human representative for Diavolo. But then, you acted against me, and that changed. I still wanted to make sure that you fulfilling your purpose in the exchange program, but I took on the challenge of finally having you respect and listen to me. You were stubborn and fierce, yet so beautifully driven and I admired that." your eyes widened at the admission. "It wasn't until I was forced to look at you in a romantic light for this scheme that I understood the true nature of these feelings. It wasn't that I wanted to control you, or break you, or shape you into what I needed. It was so much deeper, so much more dangerous than that. I wanted to have you fall in love for me, as I had fallen for you, and make you mine."
He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. "I know you don't feel the same. I've accepted that. But I...I'm done with acting like this isn't real for me. I refuse to pretend that there's nothing there between us any longer."
He finally broke eye contact, looking back at his now empty glass as you practically gaped at him. Love. Lucifer...loved you? You gulped and took a step towards him, "Lucifer..."
The fire burning within you consumed you as your face heated up. "You...You love me? You actually love me?"
You flinched as he glared sharply at you. "Don't rub it in."
You didn't know what to make of that. You weren't sure what to make of any of this. Your feelings towards Lucifer had changed over the past month, but you had assumed that was simply part of the act. But if everything he had done and said as you two were pretending to be a couple was real, then what did that mean for you?
What did that mean for the way the sight of him caused your heart to skip? Or the way his rare smiles never failed to make you smile back? Or the unwavering sense of comfort and security that he provided?
What did that mean for the ruthless, scalding fire that he had always caused to rage inside you? You always assumed it was anger, but what if...
You gasped in realization. "I burn for you."
The demon tensed as he blinked in confusion. "You...I'm sorry, you what?"
You moved closer to him, each step more certain than the last, as you shakily spoke the words that rang through you. "I burn for you, Lucifer. I don't know entirely what it means myself, but ever since we met you've caused this irrational passion and drive to sear inside of me. I-I had always assumed it was hatred. You're so infuriating. Every word you speak does nothing but cause that fire to flare brighter within in. Every action leaves me filled with sparks of restless energy that won't be satiated until I combust at you," as you now stood nearly toe to toe with him, you grabbed his hand and placed it over your roaring heart. Hope flickered like a candle in the darkness of his black eyes. "I had thought that this couldn't be anything other than anger and hatred. I refused to believe even the possibility that it could be anything else. But this past month you...you were honest and almost kind and vulnerable. Your teasing didn't make me want to punch you, but rather made me laugh. You showed me a side of you that I didn't even know existed. I...I think-"
You were cut off by a finger on your lips. Lucifer looked down at you with a stern, cold expression. The action paired with that face would've caused you to become infuriated by his audacity and superiority complex in the past. But now you could see past it, and could see it for what it truly was: a carefully crafted barrier that hid his most vulnerable feelings and protected him. "If you do not mean the words you were about to say, if you are pitying me, I must demand that you stop here. Do not say those words unless you truly mean them," his deep voice was tinged with distrust and caution.
You held his gaze as you kissed the pad of the finger against your lips and whispered gently, "Lucifer, I think that I love you."
Suddenly your lips were captured in his as he pulled you close and ever so adoringly cupped your face. For the first time since meeting him, the flames inside you were extinguished by the cold touch of his hands on your face and the surprising gentleness of his affection.
His hand slid from your face and came to rest on your shoulder as his eyes widened. His gaze scanned your expression for any traces of falsehood or insincerity. You could hear the breath leave his lungs as he found none.
He softly kissed his temple, effectively hiding his face as it grew redder and whispered, "Of course, beloved."
Lucifer laughed as he pulled away, his thumb caressing your cheek, as he smiled. "To think it only took us getting married to realize it," you laughed as you felt happy tears prick the corners of your eyes. Lucifer sighed in content as rested his forehead against yours. "Remind me to send a thank you to, Micheal."
You hummed and nuzzled closer to him as you rested your head on his shoulder. "Forget Micheal. He's still an asshole as far as I'm concerned. Instead, focus on me. On us. I want to learn everything about you, about the real you," you smiled as he looked down at you with flushed cheeks. "My husband, Lucifer Morningstar."
You couldn't help but wonder how you had been so oblivious to your true feelings as a shiver ran down your spine and warmth spread throughout your chest simultaneously.
This honest and pure love between the two of you, was new, yet it felt so familiar, and it was abundantly clear to both of you that the depth of those feelings would only become clearer and clearer in time as the fires of your love only grew.
***Gasp. I actually finished something. Would you look at that. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this little fic! Thank you so much for your support during my hiatus and for being so understanding. I love you guys! Thanks again for reading!***
Taglist: @thegrimgrinningghost @henry-and-the-seven-lords @satans-beloved-riv @cosmixbun @sufzku @lovelymushi @victoireshaven @obey-mes-treasure @kissed-by-a-dementor @yukihaie @justtiarra @mammoneybb @obeys-world @poly-bi-mf @armycandy10 @burrixino
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me oneshot#obey me fic#obey me fics#obey me fanfic#obey me fan fic#i burn for you#tiktok made me do it#obey me lucifer#obey me lucifer x mc#obey me lucifer x you#obey me lucifer imagine#enemies to lovers#my writing#fan fiction#fan fic#fake relationship#bridgerton musical#soft lucifer#shall we date#shall we date lucifer
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i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3
here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.).
SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.)
disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy.
number one: top cockles panel moment
so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.
however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.
i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.
first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.
ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.
whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,
number two: top cockles blooper moment
cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.
i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.
i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.
basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.
a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.
1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.
it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3
number three: top cockles found footage moment
WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3
anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.
he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?
one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.
number four: top cockles autograph moment
i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.
if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.
and finally,
number five: top cockles social media moment
this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:
i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.
that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily
#cockles#cockles ask#liz answers#i really just. spend hours. writing about misha and his boyfriend.#why. why do i. do that#long post for ts
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Speak Your Mind
Pairing: GeorgeNotFound / George x f!reader
Summary: Usually, you left George feeling tongue-tied, but apparently not today.
Word Count: 3.8k
A/N: requested by an anon who wanted a cute, clumsy george story! another anon wanted something similar, so i hope you both and all enjoy <3 this was inspired by this quote by lemony snicket :)
George slipped into his chair with a slight groan, nudging his mouse with his elbow as he took a sip of water. He watched as his screen came to life, glancing over at the time. It was still kind of early, and he had a few hours to himself before his scheduled stream.
I could probably just play by myself for a while, he thought to himself, setting his glass down to his left as he opened up Minecraft. He reached across his desk, grabbing his headphones and settling them over his head. It’s been a while since I’ve played in a hardcore survival world.
But then his gaze flickered down to a particular server, and he found his cursor automatically clicking on it, almost like clockwork. In an instant, his avatar was standing on the Prime Path, the blocky world rendering into view around him. Shifting his mouse a few times, George smiled and opened up his inventory.
He spent a few moments sorting everything out, quietly humming to himself. A few seconds later, something popped up on the bottom left of his screen, his gaze darting over to catch it.
[y/n]: hi george!
[y/n]: how are you doing?
George’s heart almost immediately stuttered in his chest, and he spent a moment or two simply staring at the two lines of text.
He couldn’t believe just how much power you had over him.
The two of you had been friends for a long time now—nearly as long as he had been friends with Dream, even. The two of you had met almost entirely by accident, having simply been jokingly trapped together on a random server by one of the admins for a few hours. Under any other circumstances, George probably would have felt awkward to hell and back, but the two of you had just instantly hit it off together.
You were kind and cheerful, while he was practical and goofy. He loved your optimistic innocence, and you lived for his sarcastic quips. While the two of you had never met in person, both of you had most definitely seen each other’s faces before, and George would never forget the first thing he said when he saw your face.
“Woah. You’re really pretty.”
He had blurted it without warning, surprising even himself at his own words. Your face had flushed while you immediately turned off your face cam, letting out a quiet whine. “George, you can’t just say that!”
He remembered sputtering in his chair, then sending an earnest smile at his monitor. “But it’s true!”
“George!”
The image of your cheeks plastered with an embarrassed, sheepish grin and your wide, shining eyes would forever be ingrained in his mind.
Years later, that picture hadn’t changed a bit, still as clear as ever in his head, but the feelings he held for you had transformed. It didn’t happen quickly, nor did he ever want to admit it, but he was incredibly aware of it—almost too aware of it.
You made his cheeks hurt from how much he smiled around him. You filled his stomach with butterflies just with a single giggle. You made his ears turn bright red whenever you made a sly joke.
The three little words sat at the back of his head at nearly every hour of the day, and he just knew that one of these days, he was going to tell you what they were.
Hopefully.
With a smile on his face and a million thoughts swirling around his head, all of them beginning and ending with you, he closed his inventory and began to type back a response.
GeorgeNotFound: i’m doing good haha
[y/n]: i’m happy to hear that! <3
His breath caught in his throat. A heart—you had sent back a heart. He could feel his own heart seize in his chest at the sight of two simple symbols on his monitor screen.
Oh god, he was so screwed.
He walked forward a bit, his head still spinning with thoughts of you and that stupid heart as he contemplated what he should do next. An idea popped up just then, a small wave of anxiety creating over his head. With shaky hands, he began to type.
GeorgeNotFound: wanna join vc 2?
A moment ticked by, and George chewed on the side of his cheek. Then, your username appeared in the corner of his screen.
[y/n]: okay! i’ll be there in a sec :)
A smiley face. His own lips curled upwards to match the smile emoticon as he entered the voice channel, patiently waiting. A few moments later, something caught his attention from the corner of his monitor. Turning, he flinched as your avatar jumped down and landed in front of him, briefly turning red from the fall damage. A split second later, he heard a familiar ping.
“Boo!�� you chirped, your voice echoing in his ear as bright as day. He felt warmth blossom in his chest just at the sound of a single syllable spoken in your voice.
“What a grand entrance,” he said teasingly, unable to hide the fact that he was grinning while he spoke.
“You know me,” you said, giggling, “I always have to make a big show of things.”
“I sure do,” he said, secretly thinking to himself.
But I wish I knew you better.
“Woah,” you suddenly breathed, something like awe seeping in your voice as your character stepped forward. “I feel like we haven’t talked in, like... forever.”
He blinked, shifting his mouse slightly toward you. “We talked yesterday.”
“No,” you said quickly, your pitch raising, “I mean like, talk talked. You know, over call or something?” Your voice grew quiet. “I missed hearing your voice.”
George wanted to throw a pillow across his room. Cute. “Well, I’m here now,” he said softly, chuckling, “so you get to hear it all you want.”
He heard you cough, but it was slightly muffled. He wondered what you looked like right now, and he half-wished that you two had your face-cams on. “Now that you’re on the sever,” you prompted a second later, suddenly sounding normal again. “what do you wanna do?”
He thought for a moment, the wheels in his head turning. “Well, I kind of wanted to work a bit more on my house.”
“Oh, you mean your new house? The one you were building during the, uh—” You paused, searching for the right words. “—big battle?”
He could imagine you making fake air quotes with your fingers, and he laughed, thinking of your scrunched up face. “Pfft, yeah. That’s the one.”
“I haven’t seen it yet,” you admitted, some rustling coming through his headphones. “Do... do you mind showing me it?”
He smiled sheepishly. “No, not at all. But I’m not a very good builder, I hope you know.”
You let out a brief shout, and he jumped in his chair. “Nope! Illegal!”
His eyebrows knit together. “‘Illegal’?” he parroted.
“Illegal,” you said in an affirmative tone. “It’s illegal to be mean to GeorgeNotFound. Even by GeorgeNotFound himself. Sorry I don’t make the rules.” Before he could even think of a response, your character began jumping up and down on his screen. “Now, show me the goods! I’m sure it looks great.”
He was pretty sure he was just a puddle in his chair, now. You were just far too much for his poor heart. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take of this before he lost his mind.
Shaking his head free of thoughts of you, he pressed the W key and watched as he moved forward down the Prime Path and over a hill. “Here, follow me. It’s a bit far from the rest of the server’s homes, but I kind of like it.”
You hummed, thoughtful and soft as the two of you jumped your way over a few hills. “I get you. I mean, we all need our space. I think having your home being more far away is just cozy. Quaint. Probably not going to get robbed by Tommy. It’s a win-win situation!”
He snorted at your words. Probably not going to get robbed by Tommy was a positive he would never pass up. “I’m glad it’s not just me who thinks that.”
It was then that a splash of red among a horizon full of browns and greens came into view. You let out a soft gasp as his hobbit-hole house came into view. “Sooo,” he began, clicking his mouse, “ta-da! Here it is! I know it’s not much, but it’s pretty okay, I think?”
A cry of awe flew from your lips. “Are you kidding me? Your house is so pretty!” You ran forward, your eyes wide as you gazed at the hobbit-style home. “It’s so round and cozy and—oh, the mushrooms!” Your avatar jumped up and down, punching at the air towards his house. “You even added a little moat with a bridge!”
A certain sincerity flooded your voice as you added, “George, don’t lie to me and tell me you suck at building. I love your house.”
He felt his heart melt at your eager tone. Just how endearing could one person be?
“Can we go inside, can we go inside?” you asked, your voice growing bolder as you turned to look at him expectantly.
A bashful smile shot across his face, even though he knew you couldn’t see him. “I—ah, I haven’t actually built the inside yet,” he admitted shyly.
You let out a soft squeal, your avatar running around the screen with a hop. “If you want, we can build it together!” you offered. “I know you’re not super confident in your building skills, but I’m more than happy to help out!”
His heart melted. You were so kind. Too kind, really. How could he say no?
“I would love that,” he said. He moved inside the house, revealing the hollowed out, blank space that would serve as the interior of his house. “So, as you can see, it’s still a work in progress.” He glanced back at you. “Where should we start?
There was a slight pause. “Hmmm.” He could imagine the way you scrunched your nose as you thought, your fingers tapping against the nearest flat surface as you did so. “We could make most of the inside out of birch planks,” you began, “and have some dark oak details. You know, so there’s some really neat contrast between the light and dark parts of your house.”
He could hear you growing giddier and giddier with each passing second. “And we can also add some red and white carpet to match the mushroom aesthetic! Oh, that would look so good! “Your character turned to look at him, a block of birch wood already in hand. “What do you think?”
His heart beat a little faster. I like you, he thought, clear as a bell. I really, really like you, that’s what I think.
“You what?”
He froze.
Oh my god. Did I just say that out loud?
Your voice filled his ears, quiet and shaky. “Um. Yeah.”
A second passed in awkward silence. Then another.
If a Minecraft skin could blush, George’s face would be a tomato.
“I, um,” he stammered, his eyes darting every which way in search of an excuse to leave the call. Just then, his gaze caught on the glass of water he had set to his left. He barely gave himself even a second to think about what to say before he started rambling, speaking in a single, blurted breath.
“I just um spilled water all over myself and wow it’s about to get all over my set-up and that would be really bad so I’m just uh gonna go now okay great bye—”
Before he could embarrass himself anymore, he found himself pressing the ‘end call’ button and closing the window, hanging his head in his hands as he let out a long groan of despair.
Why did he do that? How did he do that?
Groaning again, he slammed his head into his desk, turning to press his cheek into the wood as he stared at his keyboard.
He was an idiot—a big, fat idiot.
In the corner of his eye, he watched as his phone screen lit up. It‘s probably a message from [Y/N], his brain helpfully supplied. She’s probably confused as hell.
“Not helping,” he muttered to himself, sitting up once more.
Well, there was really only one thing he could do now, and that was to get help. Fortunately for him, he knew two people he could definitely ask for advice. Unfortunately, he had a feeling he knew how this conversation was going to go.
Sighing, he opened up Discord again on his monitor.
He was sure things could only go downhill from here.
“You what?!”
George grimaced. He was right. This was a terrible idea. “You don’t have to rub it in my face,” he grumbled.
“I’m—” Wheeze. “I’m not rubbing it in,” Dream explained between gasps for air, “it’s... it’s just that it’s funny.”
George pursed his lips. “I don’t know about you, but that sounds like you’re rubbing it in.”
Sapnap’s voice cut through Dream’s laughter. “Okay, okay, Dream, you’re not helping. Gogy here is having, as Tommy would put it, ‘women problems’, and he needs some help.”
All of a sudden, Dream’s laughter stopped. “If I’m being totally honest,” he said, “I’m not really seeing the problem here.”
There was a beat of silence. “How are you not seeing the problem?” Sapnap said. You could hear the frown in his voice. “George just prematurely confessed his feelings to [Y/N].”
“Yeah, and?”
Another beat of silence.
“What the heck do you mean, ‘and’? That’s the problem!”
George sighed, sinking down in his desk chair. “Dream,” he muttered into his headset, rubbing at his temples, “just spit it out.”
“Look,” he began, “I’m just saying that here’s no advice we could possibly give you, because there’s only one solution.”
“Which is?” Sapnap prompted.
“You just have to tell her outright how you feel.”
George’s jaw dropped and he scrambled to sit up. “No way I’m doing that. Nuh-uh, no thanks.”
Sapnap made a noise of approval. “No, wait—Dream does have a point.”
George felt a stone of uneasiness drop into his stomach. “You’re just saying that because you want to see me make a fool of myself.”
“No, no, nonono, I’m telling the truth!” Dream cried. “Seriously, what other options do you really have? Pretend that you never said anything and just act like nothing happened to confuse her and hope that she forgets?”
“Pretty sure that’s called gaslighting,” Sapnap mumbled.
George glared at his monitor, knowing full well no one could see him. “Not helping.”
“Ignore her for the rest of eternity?” Dream continued. “You’ve already declined six of her calls!” There was a pause, then he carried on. “George, seriously. I want the best for you, and I’m not kidding when I say this is the only viable option, really.”
He stared down at his lap, his hands shaking where they lay. “What if,” he began, “she doesn’t feel the same?”
“Well, tough luck then, Gogy,” Sapnap said bluntly, “You’re just gonna have to suck it up and move on like the rest of us.”
George pressed his lips into a thin line. While it wasn’t exactly the nicest way to put it, he supposed Sapnap was right. “What if...” He swallowed. “What if I’m not ready?”
A soft sigh came from the other end. “George,” Dream said, his voice sincere, “believe it or not, but no one’s ever ready, really. But if we all waited until we were ready, then we’d be waiting for the rest of our lives.”
George fell quiet. A strange sense of comfort fell over him as he let Dream’s words soak in. Mustering up a deep breath, he smiled.
“Okay. I’ll call her back tonight, alright?”
Sapnap let out a hoot, the sound of clapping filling his headphones. “Let’s go! Get ‘em, Gogy!”
“You really need to stop calling me that.”
“Nah. It’s funny.”
Before George could retort, Dream stepped in. “Remember buddy, no matter what happens, we’ll be here for you, okay? Don’t let your fear hold you back. Hell, you know what? Don’t let your—” Dream suddenly cackled, his voice wheezing into his mic as he sputtered, “Don’t let your dreams be dreams, George!”
George let out a groan, barely able to hear himself over the deafening sound of Dream’s wheezing. “Oh my god, I’m hanging up.”
“Good luck, Gog—”
It was at that moment that he clicked the ‘end call’ button, the sweet sound of silence washing over him. Leaning back in his chair, he stared up at the ceiling, the tiniest of smiles gracing his lips.
Maybe calling his friends wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.
George stared at his monitor, the dark screen reflecting a mirrored image of himself. His hand opened and closed on his lap, itching to hold onto the mouse.
It had been two days since he’d blurted the words he’d been procrastinating saying for the last god knows how long.
Every time he closed his eyes, he could only see fluttering shots of you. You, with your mouth agape, staring at your screen with your headphones sliding down your neck. You, frantically texting on your phone about everything that had just slipped out of his mouth. You, with your face inevitably twisting in disgust at the thought of someone like him liking someone like you.
I’m not ready, he thought, his reflection blinking back at him.
That’s exactly why you’re going to do this, his reflection said back as his hand moved to his mouse, hovering over it.
You suck, he thought.
The monitor smiled back at him as he moved his cursor. I know.
His screen burst to life, Discord already open and waiting for him. George moved his cursor to hover over your username, his palm starting to sweat. Clicking, he reached over to his keyboard and began to type.
GeorgeNotFound: hey! did you wanna video call?
The moment he hit enter, he ripped his hands away from the keyboard like it was made of hot coals, wiping his hands on his pants. With bated breath, he waited, staring at the green circle accompanying your profile picture. Suddenly, his screen moved.
[y/n] is typing...
His heart leapt into his throat.
[y/n]: okay!
He exhaled a sigh of relief through his nose, his mouse moving to press the hit ‘video call’ button. A few seconds passed with the ringtone echoing through his headphones. A moment later, the ringing stopped and your face filled his screen, the familiar set-up of your room fading in at the corners. His heart swelled at the sight—both with affection and anxiety.
“Um, hi!” you said with a shy smile, your gaze darting away from the screen as you waved at the camera. Despite your bright demeanour and cheery tone, he could practically feel the tension in your shoulders the moment he laid eyes on you.
“H-Hi,” he said back, swallowing as he mustered up a shaky smile. Your gaze flickered to his for a brief second, and in that moment, it almost felt like you two were actually looking at each other in real life. Then you looked away again and something in his chest cracked.
“How are you doing?” he asked slowly, trying to prompt a conversation. “It feels like we haven’t talked in forever.”
Your lips quirked as you tilted your head at him. “We talked, um, two days ago.”
He ignored the embarrassment flaring up on his cheeks. “I mean like, see-each-other-talk talked.” He paused, then adding in a near-whisper. “I missed seeing your face.”
Your rosy lips parted in awe, and he was almost certain that he was never, ever going to forget that expression of yours.
“And, um, h-how—how are you, George?” you stammered out with a shaky voice, curling up a little in your chair. “Are you doing okay?”
George opened his mouth, then shut it. Whenever people asked him if he was okay, his mouth always defaulted to “fine” or “good” or “okay”. Rarely did he ever find himself telling the truth. But now, as he looked at your shy, bashful face, he knew what he had to do. Straightening up, he looked his webcam dead in the eyes.
“I,” he said, “am really, really nervous right now. Like, nervous out of my mind.”
You blinked, finally turning to face him directly at last. “Really?”
He nodded, his anxiety slowly falling away. “Yeah. Do you know why?”
Recognition flickered through your eyes, and your cheeks grew hot once more. “Why, George?”
He took a deep breath, steeling himself, and smiled.
It’s now or never.
“I like you, [Y/N]. A lot. What I said earlier was true. It wasn’t some bit, and it wasn’t just some spur of the moment thing. I really do like you a lot, and I would like it if you would be my g—”
He almost choked on his own words, oh-so very aware of just how hot his face was. “And I,” he began again, squeezing his eyes shut, “would love it if you would be my girlfriend.”
He couldn’t look—he couldn’t. He missed seeing your face, he really did, but he knew that if he looked now, he would only be met with disappointment. You, with a frown on your face, only deepening with each passing second. You, with guilt in your eyes for not reciprocating his feelings. You, with your soft lips mouthing four words he wish he didn’t have to hear.
I’m so sorry, George. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so—
“I like you, too.”
His eyes flew open, his mouth agape.
Those were not the four words he was expecting to hear.
He lifted his head, his gaze taking in every inch of his screen. A bright, glowing smile was plastered across your face, your eyes crinkling at the corners.
“For real?” he breathed, disbelief wracking every inch of his being.
You nodded, a laugh tumbling from your lips and lighting up his insides. “Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.”
George felt a smile of his own creep across his face as he ran a hand through his hand, something happier than joy rushing through his veins.
Oh god, he thought, wanting to scream it from the top of the nearest building. I like you, I like you, I like you. I like you a lot lot.
“I like you a lot lot, too.”
He froze. Did I say that out loud, again?
Your grin widened. “Yes.”
For a second, he almost shriveled up in shame. But then he shook his head and laughed, basking in the warmth of your smile.
A few days ago, he might have been embarrassed. But now?
Well, if it was with you, he supposed he wouldn’t mind speaking his mind more often.
#mcyt#dream mcyt#mcyt fanfiction#mcyt x reader#mcyt fandom#mcyt fluff#mcyt angst#mcyt imagine#mcyt scenario#mcyt fanfic#georgenotfound#georgenotfound x reader#georgenotfound imagine#georgenotfound fanfic#dreamwastaken#dream#dream team#dreamwastaken x reader#sapnap#sapnap x reader#dream smp#my writing
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I Drew That
Corpse Husband x fem!reader
Summary: Corpse finds out that Y/N has a drawing of him as her background
Warnings: swearing :)
Word Count: 1,818
Author’s Note: I’ve spent weeks trying to write this piece :/ I just couldn’t find a way to make it how I wanted it if that makes sense but I tried my best. This idea was very cute because I can totally see this happening lol. Especially with like the whole flirty voice thing Corpse has been doing with like Brentman and like James and stuff haha. I hope you guys enjoy it!!
~~~
Tonight was one of the many nights that she was playing Among Us. It had taken over her life, a flood of success followed her once she had played with Sean and Felix. She had gained over two hundred thousand subscribers on her YouTube channel. It had changed her life for the better, in many ways.
For the last three rounds, it had been strict imposter wins. Felix won two of those. Everyone was shocked when it was him the second time, Felix was getting great at the game. The group then decided to switch lobbies because Felix was throwing a fit about getting imposter too much. It was the usual group of Felix, Sean, Poki, Rae, Sykkuno, Leslie, Toast, Dave, Corpse, and Y/N.
Over the last few months everyone in the group had gotten a lot closer. Especially Corpse and Y/N. After the first time they played together, a lobby Sean had created, they had talked for hours after the first game they played. This had continued almost every time they had played Most of the time, Corpse would be editing his videos while talking with her. It calmed him as he worked. She would be working on her art or scrolling through Pinterest or Tumblr.
They had even FaceTimed several times, where Corpse revealed his face to her. He made a big deal out of it, saying a whole monologue before he turned the camera to his face. She followed in pursuit being very dramatic as well. Whenever they would talk he would play her his music, waiting to see if she liked it. She loved any song he put out, despite it not being her usual music taste.
One night she was scrolling through Tumblr and found an artist who was drawing Among Us players with their little characters. One particular character made her smile and her heart flutter slightly. It was an amazing drawing of Corpse and his little character sitting on his shoulder. It was an art style she was familiar with, she loved supporting smaller artists. It was the cutest thing she has ever seen. Weirdly, it perfectly described him. She loved it so much, she decided to keep it as her phone Wallpaper.
The round started on Mira, where Y/N was a crewmate again. Throughout the whole night, she still hasn’t gotten imposter. “Dammit,” she groaned at the screen. She stood still at the start of the map, waiting to see if anyone would fake tasks at the start. Everyone ran off, not doing them. She quickly followed.
After a long thirty seconds lights get shut off. She ignores the emergency and continues doing her tasks, she stood by the vending machine when Felix killed her. “It’s fucking Felix again!” she leaned back in her chair groaning. She covered her face with her hands. “He’s gotta stop killing me first,” she shook her head. She tried to hide how annoyed she was.
Her body was called by Poki, she was the only dead one. “Oh my god,” Poki said once the screen popped up.
“Y/N no!” Rae yelled, “You guys, she’s died first the last three rounds,”
“Wait really? Oh Jesus, sorry Y/N,” Sykkuo said, a breathy laugh leaving his lips.
“I’ll protect you next round, Y/N, I promise,” Corpse said. Y/N tried to hide her smile and the heat rushing to her cheeks.
“We’ll avenge you, Y/N!” Sean yelled. Soon after everyone grieved her death they began asking each other where they were. Everyone had a solid alibi making it impossible for them to figure out who did it.
“Guys, guys, Y/N died first the last three rounds right?” Toast started, everyone hummed, “Who was imposter these past few rounds?” he explained. Everyone gasped.
“You really think I would kill her first three rounds in a row?” Felix tried to defend himself as the voting time clock turned red.
“You’ve done it twice already!” Sean yelled, voting Felix. Felix was saved since half of the group skipped. She floated around the map trying to get her tasks done quickly so she could talk to her chat without holding back the rest of the group.
She glanced towards her chat, reading a few questions, she shifted her gaze to the game and thought about the questions. “I’ve been working on a cute little animation for you guys, I might do another art stream with you guys. Only if you guys want it, of course.” she read through a few more questions while answering them, while she waited for the meetings to end.
Once all of her tasks were done, she began to talk about her art and fanart. “Yeah, there’s an artist on Tumblr, they are amazing, they deserve so much more recognition,” she explained as she showed them her lock screen with the drawing of Corpse; without thinking about her chat being curious as to why it was him. Turning her phone back towards her, her eyes widened as realization dawned on her.
The chat began to flood in with questions, begging Y/N to tell them why she had Corpse’s drawing as her background. She chose to ignore the question and continue talking about her own art and showing fan art. Despite trying to change the subject, she sighed dramatically. “Chat, there’s no reason why Corpse’s character is my background, the artist is just good, stop talking about it,” she giggled as the victory screen popped up on her screen.
“Felix what the fuck!” she unmuted in discord. He began laughing as he began to defend his actions. “No, no it doesn’t matter if I know your liar voice, Felix-” After about five minutes of everyone talking the next round started. She was a crewmate again, “I feel like I’m bugged,” she groaned as she started running around doing her tasks. Corpse’s little black character was following her.
“Looks like I got myself a little body guard,” she smiled as she spoke. They walked passed the medbay room, as Corpse moved his character dramatically. She rolled her eyes as they both walked into the medbay room. She didn’t have medbay, but she sat waiting for Corpse to finish. They continued doing tasks together until a body was called. It was Sean’s.
“Y/N’s cleared I was with her the entire time,” Corpse said confidently into his mic. She said the same about him. Poki was acting a little weird during the call, which made Y/N a little suspicious of her.
~~~
When the lights were shut off Corpse was killed by Poki, and he groaned as his body was killed immediately. Poki called out Y/N right away, saying that she was with Corpse the whole time. Corpse glanced towards his chat, finally able to try and read everything everyone was saying. His eyes lit up as he saw her name flash the screen several times.
One person kept spamming the chat saying, Y/N’s has your Among Us character as her background, he smiled as he read it. He knew exactly what the picture was, “Oh really?” he hummed as he continued reading. Everyone was saying how nervous she got when they kept asking her about it. He pressed his lips together nervously. He decided to drop it for now, but he was curious. He looked back up to the screen and began to listen to what was happening during the meeting.
“...You really think I would spend this whole game marinating Corpse for me to kill him in front of Poki? What about that double kill that happened, there was no way I would’ve done that if I was with him.” Y/N explained, over Poki trying to defend herself.
“I think she’s got it guys,” It was down to Toast, Y/N, Sykkuno, and Poki. Everyone quickly voted for Poki. The Victory screen popped up. “I knew you had it, Y/N,” Corpse said as everyone started shouting into the discord.
After a few minutes of them discussing the round, they decided to switch over to Polius. “Hey, Y/N, can I ask you something?” Corpse asked, the group quickly went quiet.
“Sure,” she giggled.
“My chat keeps saying you have my character as your phone background, is that true?” he asked, teasingly. He smiled widely. The entire group started cheering while teasing Y/N and Corpse.
Her mouth dropped open as she tried to find a way to explain it, “Well, uh,” she cleared her throat, “I do actually, it was great art, what was I supposed to do?” she laughed.
“Oooo, someone has a little crush,” Sean teased, Felix quickly joined. The rest of the group was simply laughing along. Corpse stayed silent while the group was teasing Y/N, and Corpse for that matter.
He pulled up Y/N’s Twitter and began to scroll through her feed to find the perfect drawing. He took the drawing that Y/N did of her own Among Us character. It was a drawing of Y/N holding her little character in her hand. It was his favorite piece of art she has done. Mainly because she drew it while on FaceTime with him. He quickly changed it to his iphone background, he glanced back towards the screen, seeing if the game started. He took a screenshot of it and immediately texted it to Y/N.
“Y/N, look at our messages,” he said simply into his mic. The group slowly stopped talking as they waited for Y/N to open the message.
“Corpse, I’m scared,” she whispered, everyone started laughing.
“Just open the message,” he giggled.
She sighed dramatically while she pulled up the messages with Corpse, seeing the screenshot. Her lips fell into a pout as she saw it. “I drew that,” she mumbled into the mic.
“You did,” he whispered, as he felt heat rise in his cheeks. He loved hearing her voice. “It’s my favorite,” he continued.
“Corpse,” she whined as her eyes began to tear up. She didn’t know why, but her heart felt so full. “You didn’t have to do that,” she mumbled, readjusting herself in her chair. She shifted her gaze towards the contact name, Corpseyyy.
“Of course I did, It was beautiful art,” he muttered while he looked back towards his phone, admiring his new phone background.
“Is this..a possible.. New relationship starting?” Sean whispered dramatically into his mic.
“It sounds like it,” Rae interjected. Corpse rolled his eyes dramatically, but he didn’t oppose the idea; neither did Y/N. Rae quickly started the game, letting the tension ease between everyone. Corpse and Y/N got imposter together.
“Oh my god finally,” Y/N said into the mic as she started faking tasks, “Chat, please stop saying I’m blushing, you aren’t helping,” she giggled as she continued the game. She raised her hand to her cheek, feeling the warmth.
#corpse husband#corpse#corpse husband imagines#corpse husband x reader#corpse husband fanfic#corpse imagines#corpse x reader#corpse fanfic#e girls are ruining my life#cat girls are ruining my life#miss you!#agoraphobia
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One Last Time 03 — Pjm. (M)
⇢ pairing: Jimin X Reader
⇢ Genre: Idol!Jimin, Exbf!Jimin, model!reader, sad au, fluff, tons of smut, angst
⇢ Synopsis: Your idol ex boyfriend Jimin cheated on you. You two have been broken up for a while now and the media has been keeping track of you and him. You’re trying to get over him, but the things that happen inbetween makes you re-think the entire breakup, and so does Jimin…
⇢ Song : xxxxx
⇢ Previous : 00 01 02
⇢ Word Count : 4.2k
⇢ Warnings: dominant jimin, makeout sessions, this is honestly a sad angsty au, cheating, pregnancy, unprotected and protected sex, a bunch of sex, no really a LOT of sexual themes too, I know I’m forgetting some but sorry in advance!
⇢ Copyright: please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken
⇢ Authors note: This is my mini series for the summer! Get your tissues, things to take your anger out on, and sit back and watch the drama unfold. Shall we begin?
Being a model isn’t as always what people view it as. It’s not all just fun and prancing around in clothing that’s either revealing or not. It’s about business and fun but you mustn’t mix pleasure in. Every model knows that. But you, you took advantage of that. You decided you wanted to know what would happen if you had did that. And that is how everything went wrong.
You had actually met Jimin through Jungkook. But, BigHit staff did a casting call for one of their music videos. You had gotten chosen and while at the shoot Namjoon had sparked in interest for you. He spoke fluent english that glided of his tongue ever so breathlessly. But his adorable, cheeky dimple smile had put the icing on the cake for you. You two had been friends ever since.
They needed two girls, the protagonist and the antagonist. You were the protagonist while another was the antagonist but the role did fit you well. You aren’t the type to cause trouble and when your manager explained the script and concept to you, she thought it was a perfect match to your real life personality.
You and Jimin had hit it off right then and there. You loved his smile, his way of talking, and his cute little English phrases he would slip in then and there to you on set. It was the most adorable thing ever. He was a smooth talker too. Then Bam! You didn’t know what had gotten into him. Well.. the acting was for the concept music video, but you’ve never seen someone go from adorable to to a dominant personality so quickly. The entire switch up from the persona had fooled you good. Way.. too good.
That was how it hit you. You knew that he had to be yours.
But then yours.. became shared.
Then sharing became permanent.
Now you are single and heartbroken.
“ Long time no see! How have you been?”
You smile and take in his huge bear hug. He smelled so divine. Namjoon has always carried himself like a mature man, but in the inside you knew he’s a child at heart.
‘‘ Im fine. How are you? I’ve been on a little hiatus.” You nervously chuckle, assuming he already knows why. Namjoon nods his head and guides you further into the set.
It’s the inside of an apartment. They’ve set it up so pretty for it to seem like it’s a real apartment. The LED lights are beaming but not enough for it to be too bright. Just perfect. You take a glance at all around the set you would be soon using.
The bed is a modern day king size in the colour schemes of black, white and grey along with a matching dresser and nightstands. White Jasmine flowers, sit on top of the nightstand along with the book milk and honey sitting next to it.
‘‘ I seen your pictures when they had dropped yesterday.” He pauses, glancing up at you to see your reaction. The way your breath hitches for a moment humored him. “ You looked very good. You did a great job. Welcome back to the business!”
Only if the business was so welcoming at all. Pictures of you had been posted on all your platforms and the comments came rushing in. Some good, but majority bad, only because the people of the world thought your comeback was revenge for Jimin’s comeback. Turns out, he had a comeback three days before you. You didn’t know, because you don’t keep up with him anymore. His fanbase was actually the ones commenting to the bad comments to leave you alone and that you moved on.
If only you made it that far to move on.
Namjoon leads you to the hair and makeup station that’s been set up for the both of you. Each of you greet them and take a seat in the two black director’s chair with your name on it. As you sat in your chair you let the stylists and make-up artist do your thing while you read the concept script of the music video.
It’s going to be Namjoon rapping about his first love and how she broke his heart repeatedly. The hazy white flashbacks are of you and him symbolizing a couple doing things of what he had did with her.
“ So you and um.. Jimin did you guys sort things out yet?’’
You lift your head from the script instantly biting your lip. You most definitely don’t want to be reminded of him at the moment.
“ No. I like the way things are now. We shouldn’t see each other anymore.’’ You roll your eyes and look back down at the white sheets of stapled paper that holds your acting skills.
“ Im sorry if I offended. I didn’t mean to it’s just that. It’s been a year and a couple of months since-’’
He means no harm at all, and you know that because its Kim Namjoon you’re talking to. This right now though, isn’t a conversation to be held right before rhe video-shoot. You shake your head letting him know not to continue on. The last thing you want is for the makeup and hairstylists gossiping. Also for your emotions to spiral all the way down again.
The hair, makeup, and clothing stylists does a very good job on you. The make up stylists did a sort of natural look to your face which made your skin look light and dewy. The natural makeup complements the oversize, long t-shirt that is supposed to symbolize Namjoon’s.
The first scene you are going to shoot is the bed scene where you will be straddling a sleepy Namjoon’s lap wearing nothing but his t-shirt and your underwear underneath. Which really isn’t your underwear but just some black shorts that you put underneath the shirt.
You spot Namjoon and the director conversing so you decide to make your way over to the bed by them. As you walk over, his manager glances and goes back to talking. You pay no mind to it but then, he does a double take with his eyes wide looking at your outfit and beauty. You cant lie, you do feel a little more confident than usual with this bedroom look.
‘‘ My goodness she looks stunning!’‘ His manager smiles, holding his hand out to greet you. You take his hand and do a courtesy greet due to the fact he’s older than you.
Namjoon eyes you up and down, smiling showing his deep dimples and pearly whites. Since when is he all flirty? Where is all this coming from? What’s getting into him?
‘‘ Yes she does. Are you ready?’‘
You nod your head, glancing at the properly messy bed. The director gives you guys one last look before heading over to his place right next to the cameras. Namjoon grasps your wrists as you both make your way to the bed, letting your ears listen to the instructions.
Namjoon gets into the bed first and then motions for you to sit on his waist. You bite your lip subtlety with your eyes not leaving his as you climb carefully over onto his lap. Your core almost inches away from him member, you don’t mean to brush a little too hard against him like that. The way he hisses and stifles his groan makes you feel apologetic.
Oh Namjoon, what is going on with you?
‘‘ I need you to try waking him up with little kisses on his cheek then down his chest.’’
Glancing down at his bare chest, you almost gasp at the muscles he has. Your mind completely had ignored it when you two were chatting with the director. Namjoon isn’t the kind to work out as much but he definitely prepared for this music video.
You nod your head just before Namjoon closes his eyes to fake his slumber. Leaning down after the director gave you two the green light, you smell his cologne which smells pretty good to say the least. The butterflies in your stomach flutter like no other when you start to leave butterfly kisses on his cheeks, making sure to kiss his dimples then trailing over to his neck.. then chest.
‘‘ Namjoon wake up smiling… right about now.’‘
His eyes flutter open with a smile landing onto yours which makes you smile right back at him.
‘‘ Interlock your hands and hold them up high.’‘
Both of you smile ear to ear and giggle at the awkwardness almost nearly as a real couple except you guys aren’t, and this isn’t real.
It was easy for you to act like you were in love with Namjoon due to the friendship you have with him. Ever since the boys were together in a group, you had connected easily with Namjoon. He has this friendly yet funny aura about him. He’s the sweetest guy you ever met, just before Hoseok. Namjoon was the one who made you feel welcomed and comfortable upon meeting the members for the first time, while you had dated Jimin.
His eyes roam over your body intimidated by the lack of proper clothing you have on. Soon his hands take over and start to roam your body from shoulders to waist. Namjoon often bit his lip as if was thinking of saying something, but doesn’t. At this point you didn’t know if the acting was real or not.
A day’s worth of shooting and this was it. You’ve moved locations just for this scene which is supposed to be in the middle of a vacant two way road surrounded by nothing but dust and a few trees. The last major scene. You had seen Namjoon rap his part repeatedly in different sets for him that did not include you. The dark clothing and light colored hair suited him just right.
The closing scene is the one left and ironically, it’s the make-out scene.
To your left, someone had started a bonfire to keep the staff warm as they converse about the scene and read through the scripts. You huff lightly as you get out of the chair instantly regretting it as the cold air hits your nearly exposed legs.
They’ve dressed you into a maroon skirt and a grey knit sweater that is fairly itchy paired with a knit infinity scarf. Your hair was let down to compliment your face.
‘‘ Yn!’’
You turn your head immediately over towards the direction of that voice. To your luck it’s Jungkook holding a big brown bag and two canisters of god knows what. But who trails after him makes your smile drop.
Jungkook smiles jogging towards you, almost slipping from being excited too see you. You open your arms fully to embrace his figure in which in return he provides.
“ Are you still mad at me?’’
You inhale the scent of him with a smile making sure to make eye contact with the one standing further away from him, “ No Jungkook.”
He lets go of your intertwined bodies and gives you one of his bunny smiles making you giggle at his excitement. “ I bought Namjoon and you some hot chocolate and plenty of rice-cake dumpling soup since you are working hard.”
‘‘ Thank you we will eat after this last scene okay?”
The cameras and lights are beaming down on you and Namjoon. It’s all or nothing at this point. The camera crew and director murmur a bit just before calling out that word. Action.
Namjoon looks slightly down at you with his glossy eyes. You challenge him back while not saying a word at all.
“ Are you comfortable with this?” He whispers. No, truth is you aren’t and have no desire in kissing him. To you, you feel like the kiss would make things a bit awkward for the both of you.
He’d been subtly flirting all day with you and of course you pick up on it everytime. It’s not like yourself to do such things with people you don’t have feelings for in a romantic way. Let alone, flirt with your ex’s band brother.
“ Yes.” It’s not like you have a choice to say no to it. You signed the contract, so you have to complete the entire scenes. Just your luck, Namjoon’s song begins to play in the background.
He leans in for a kiss with your face inches apart from each other. So close that you can feel his eyelashes brush against yours. He’s stalling you, making you try to be the one to start the kiss. A small smirk on his face when you oblige taking him into the kiss. Your lips move in sync with his with his hand on your face caressing your cheek. He thinks your lips taste like strawberry chapstick, but you think his tastes like mint.
Soon his tongue slips into your mouth to deepen the kiss. You can’t help but to let out a small whimper on accident resulting in Namjoon’s hand traveling to your waist and pushing you closer to him gently. Excitment takes over you, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it’s the lack of dating or all the couple like things you did today, but you feel loved.
And cut! That’s a wrap everyone, please pack and get home safely.
You break away from Namjoon’s lips and chuckle at the sight of him with his eyes still closed and waiting for something to happen again.
“ Joonie we are done shooting.”
Namjoon’s eyes pop open with a smile, cheeks turning coloured from embarrassment. “ Ah really? Im sorry it’s just that i was too into the moment.”
The both of you thank all the staff for their hard work of day. While bowing to another staff, you make sure to look directly in the eyes of the friend that tailed along with Jungkook. Just as expected he looked pissed off. The sight of him biting the inside of his jaw gave you satisfaction. He fucking deserves it.
“ Can we all eat now? I brought thermal blankets and the bonfire the staff lit is still going..’’ Jungkook says, sitting onto one of the logs and placing the bag onto the ground.
“ We need to speak first.” You say, firmness taking over your tone. You aren’t going to let this slide. Why would he bring him here? After all that happened that night, you’re sure he told Jungkook.
He sighs and motions for Namjoon to start serving while he’s going to be gone. Namjoon gently smiles and approves just before going to sit next to Jungkook’s friend and starting a conversation.
The two of you, Jungkook and you, start walking away from the small gathering slowly. The moon shines bright down upon the both of you creating black silhouettes from behind.
‘’ I didn’t invite him. You know I wouldn’t do that after that whole situation-’’
You purse your lips and stop walking, “ So he just magically came? I didn’t tell him and I doubt that Namjoon told him.’’
‘‘ He found out Namjoon was having his video shoot and came to support him. He came late due to Isab-”
You shake your head, “ Don’t say anymore. Let’s just go back and not bring anything up. I don’t feel like speaking to him or causing drama Jungkook.”
Jungkook can tell that you’re disappointed but does not say a word all the way back. You keep eye contact away from Jimin as you sit next to Jungkook. The atmosphere is awkward for you but you know it isn’t for them.
You munch on a rice-cake dumpling not making a sound as the three boys talk amongst themselves.
You take this time to think. Why would Jimin come here if he possibly knew that you were the main girl? He just set himself up to be mad at this point. Why didn’t Isabel stop him from going, after all you are his ex.
“ Why aren’t you eating?’‘
You look towards that soft voice, plopping your dumpling down into your bowl of soup. The truth is, you actually aren’t supposed to be eating this at all. Seeing as though your modeling and appearance schedule is getting full you have to maintain a healthy figure once again.
‘’ I guess im not as hungry. I’ll make sure to take it with me if I don’t finish.’’
‘‘ Eat.’‘ Jimin says, not lifting his head up but voice firm.
You roll your eyes out of annoyance, “ Im not hungry Jimin.’’ You were, but you say it just to piss him off even more.
His chopsticks drop his dumpling into his bowl as he raises his head slowly. Anger is written all over his face but you over-power it by keeping a straight face. Part of you is mad that you said that but it’s the truth.
‘‘ Oppa. Im Oppa to you.” His eyes meet yours. You can’t help but notice that his are darker than average. You hated calling him that and he knows it. It’s cringey to you, but respectful in their culture.
He didn’t use to make you say it even while in a relationship, so you know he’s playing along with your little game.
Namjoon rubs the back of his head,‘‘ Hey guys let just eat okay? Yn you should eat more.’‘
‘‘ Rather not. My appetite is no longer here.” You shrug as you place the lid onto the container of your food.
Jimin rolls his tongue in the inside of his cheek while keeping a death glare on you. You don’t bother to pay it any mind at all. Jungkook lets out a breathy sigh as you gather your belongings to leave.
‘‘ Im taking my leave.’‘
You give Namjoon a hug first then walk over to Jungkook who hugs you really tight. You smile and give a peck onto his cheek.
‘‘ Text me tonight.’ He whispers into your left ear before letting his grip go. You nod your head and glance at an angry Jimin.
“ I’ll take her home.”
That sentence makes you stop dead in your tracks. What the hell does he think he’s doing?
“ I can get a taxi..”
Jimin finishes his food and throws it into the paper brown bag. Namjoon and Jungkook stare at him in disbelief. The veins on his neck are very noticeable as he makes his way over to you.
You watch in disbelief but angry with your eyebrows furrowed because they all seem to not be listening to you. “ I said I can get a tax-”
“ Yn just go with him. I will feel safer if you went with somebody you know.” Jungkook sighs, throwing him and Namjoon’s remaining trash into the bag.
“ Me and Jungkook have a lot of catching up to do. We’ll be at my house.” Namjoon catches onto Jungkook’s memo.
You roll your eyes as Jimin grabs your arm rougher than expected, dragging you along the vacant two way street to his parked Lamborghini.
You jerk away from him not wanting to be in his grip anymore. Jimin doesn’t say anything as he opens the car door for you. You stand there with your arms crossed refusing to go.
“ Yn you have until the count of three because honestly you are pissing me off. “
Your eyes land onto his with your eyebrows still furrowed in anger.
“ 1.”
You scoff at him. What are you a toddler?
“ 2.”
Yeah right. What could hap-
“ 3 ” Jimin grabs your arm tightly making sure to leave it red as he pushes you into the passengers seat. His cheeks turn a deep shade of red. slamming the car door behind you.
He doesn’t bother to put his seat-belt on before pulling off with Namjoon and Jungkook following behind him. You wince at the throbbing pain where he had marked you red. The soreness is already settling it’s way in.
“ Look..” He sighs, “I didn’t mean to.”
Tears fill the brim of your eyes. This isn’t the same Jimin you knew. He would never even think of hurting you like that.
“ Shut up just take me home.” Your voice cracks, tears slipping down your cheek as you try and massage the pain away.
You don’t say a word to him all the way there to your apartment building. The air is as thick as a slice of home-made cake yet neither of you decide to speak. That is until he decides to follow you out the car and up to your apartment, most likely to make sure you are safe getting in. You stop at the welcome mat that holds your home just beyond the door.
“ Jimin. Leave.” You whisper, audible enough for him to hear.
“ I don’t want to.”
“ I know you’re sorry. Just leave.”
You punch in your code, the date that you and him started dating. You open it enough for just your body to slip in but that doesn’t work. Jimin pushes the door open wide, letting himself in right behind you.
You don’t say anything at all. You remove your shoes as well as he does to. Clara greets you by rubbing her body against you. You don’t bother to pet her you walk past her and into the kitchen.
Pulling out your phone, you text Jungkook letting him know you got home safely. He immediately responds with a selfie of him and Namjoon with Soju in their hands. You can’t even laugh at the two silly boys.
A harsh cold object is placed on your right arm. You quickly look down to see Jimin’s hand holding an ice-pack against the area he harmed.
“ You didn’t tell me you would be the lead girl in Namjoon’s video.”
‘‘ We aren’t together anymore. I don’t have to tell you anything.”
That’s the truth. You two shouldn’t even be in the same apartment, let alone yours, right about now. His business isn’t yours anymore. Yours isn’t his anymore.
Jimin scoffs, “ You know I will always look out for you and look after you. I’ll be there anytime for you.”
‘‘ I feel as though that’s inappropriate. You have a girlfriend don’t cheat on her like you did me.” You remove his hand and hop onto the white counter-top.
“ How many times are you going to say it huh? I was wrong I know that. But why remind me of it?”
You look him dead straight into the eyes, “ Until you suffer for a year and some months don’t say shit to me.’’
There was a silence for a couple of minutes. Your eyes wander around your fairly neat apartment until he says something again.
Jimin sighs, coming in-between your legs placing his head on your lap. ‘‘ I don’t like this.. us.”
“ Clearly you didn’t because you cheated.” You snap back, pushing his head away from you only for him to go right back. “ That’s not what I mean and you know that.” His voice is soft, just barely above a whisper.
So what does he mean?
‘‘ Im saying that.. I don’t like you being this way and distant from me. I don’t like when you kiss other people. I didn’t like when you had to make-out with Namjoon. I don’t like not being able to talk with you. I don’t like all this anger and tension between us.”
Your mind is telling you this is a red flag but your heart aches for him to go on and say what you want him to say. Could this really be it?
“ The truth is, I do miss you. I miss us. I miss everything about us. I fucked up bad and I have to pay the consequences.” His hands snake around your waist tightly.
This is it. Finally.
You bite your lip and run your fingers through his hair softly. Small sobs can be heard from him and the wetness of your leg lets you know he finally broke down.
‘‘ Jimin stop that. Don’t cry.’‘
He shakes his head, ‘’ You don’t understand. She’s not like you but I like her. My heart is with you but my mind is with her. I don’t know what to do.’’
“ You can’t love two people at once. You know that. I refuse to get hurt again by you.” You keep your voice low making sure not to get angry with him. His head lifts up showing you his red face and puffy eyes.
You can’t help but to want to kiss the tears away. So thats what you do. You kiss all over his cheeks slowly one at a time. Yes you don’t want to get hurt again, but you want him to realize that what he did is still taking a toll on you all the while you crave him and his love more and more.
‘‘ Yn..” He whimpers, sniffling.
You shake your head to hush him up and move on to his lips. His sweet, soft lips connect with yours. He opens his mouth to deepen the kiss. Both of your tongues fight for dominance making you hold your breath to stifle your groan. This is wrong. He has a girlfriend. You kissing him would make you a hypocrite, so you break away the kiss though you don’t want to.
You sigh, lifting his head up again. Those brown eyes stare back up at you full of tears and sadness. Yet you can’t be fooled by your own mind. “ Jimin go back to Isabel. She’s probably waiting for you.”
You take his arm and lead him towards the door. He slips his shoes on without taking his eyes off of you. It hurt. It hurts a lot seeing him leave out the door each time he comes over. But you still need to face the fact that this isn’t your man anymore, he’s someone elses.
“ What if I don’t want to go back.”
You unlock the door for him and hold it open. ‘’ You can’t love two people at once.’’
“ Baby, just one last time..’’ He says, referring to the kiss you’ve shared earlier.
You shake your head no. Another kiss would surely lead to something more of a messy situation. “ When you make up your mind, you know my apartment well enough.”
And with that you shut the door behind him as your back slides down the door. You bring your hands to your hair and slip them in.
Maybe, just maybe, there could be a one last time with him.
#jimin#bts jimin#park jimin#jimin smut#jimin sad#jimin angst#jimin fluff#jimin fanfic#jimin oneshot#jimin imagine#jimin scenario#jimin reaction#one last time#kpop smut#kpop fluff#kpop sad#kpop angst#idol jimin#idol! jimin#idol!jimin#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#jungkook reaction#jungkook scenario#jungkook imagine#jungkook imagines#jungkook fanfic#bts smut#bts fluff#bts sad
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Useful Part 2
fluff with a little hurt and comfort. If you want answers as to the lack of angst, look through my recent posts for an explanation.
��* — * — * —* —*
“Wait, you have a WHAT?” were the first words that the rest of the Gotham-based vigilantes heard when they finally were able to track down where Damian had gone. Dick looked over at Bruce, who was noticeably tense. No surprise there, the man had just found out that he had a second biological child. One who was apparently a superhero already, without his intervention, and also apparently had a tragic background in the League of fucking Assassin Assholes. Not to mention that Damian’s track record with meeting siblings wasn’t great, even if this one wasn’t actually new to him. Nobody had any real fear of Damian relapsing on his no-kill rule, they knew he had matured far too much to be at risk of killing for something as immature as sibling rivalry anymore.
But there was still fear. Because this new Wayne was an Unknown Factor, and as a rule the Bats hated Unknown Factors. And they had no idea what the relationship between the two had been before they had been separated, or what it would become now.
“That wasn’t Damian’s voice,” Dick helpfully pointed out the obvious. Bruce only frowned, doing his best (and failing) to hide his anxiety about what they would find. Silently, the group inched forward to the edge of the abandoned building they were on top of so that they could look over at what was happening. What they saw was a girl, presumably the same one who had been in a ladybug onesie and had fearlessly begun to ask them to leave Paris— until she had laid proper eyes on Robin and fled, that was. That girl was sitting down next to an unmasked Damian, who had his arm around her shoulders and let her lean into his side. He even smirked cheerfully at her question before continuing to speak to her.
“A dragon-bat. I knew you’d love hearing about him, I’ll introduce you when you come visit the Batcave. His name is Goliath,” Damian admitted smugly. Despite the familiar attitude and pride behind his words though, his spying family couldn’t help but notice that he kept periodically rubbing the girl’s (they really needed to find out her name) shoulder in reassurance. None of them missed the tear tracks on both of their faces, or how red the girl’s eyes were. Clearly they had missed something big.
But nobody wanted to try to figure that out yet. This scene was too precious, too breathtaking for them to interrupt just yet. They had never seen Damian this vulnerable around someone outside of their little circle before, someone from the Time Before Bruce, no less. Most of the time, only Nightwing was able to see this side to Damian. And usually the roles were reversed, with Damian being the one consoled. They had never seen him in the position of the comforter before. The pillar of support.
It really cemented just how far he had come.
So they watched silently as the girl flinched, pulling away a bit and hunching in on herself. The laugh she let out was small and overflowing with self-degradation.
“You make it sound as if the rest of your family actually wants me to visit,” she replied sourly. Damian gently cuffed her over the head, frowning.
“Two things,” he held up two fingers from his free hand. “One: They will. They accepted me, and I was— well, you remember how I used to be. Once they actually meet you, and process the fact that there’s another Wayne now, they will bombard you with more welcoming than you will know what to do with. Two: It’s Our family, Marinette. Not mine, ours.”
Well, at least they had a name now. But it seems like they had bigger issues now, like Marinette’s clearly damaged sense of self. Jason and Tim traded knowing glances; it wasn’t hard for them to guess where, or how, she might have been damaged enough to think so lowly of herself.
They watched as Marinette shook her head.
“I don’t know. It’s one thing to try to… to get to know you again. We used to be close before… everything,” she haltingly argued, voice small and frail and uncertain. But she never once looked away from Damian’s eyes, trying to convey as best as she could what she was feeling. “But they’re different. They don’t have any reason to trust or like me, Dami. And I’m bad at, well everything, but especially,” she waved her hands frantically as if indicating the whole situation they were in. “I mean, listen to me! I can barely articulate right now, and I’m talking to someone I’ve known my whole life! I’m a mess. Nobody wants a mess.”
It was Damian’s turn to snort, and he pulled her right back into his side. “Please. If anything, that’s exactly the type of child Father goes looking for. We’re all a mess. Especially Father, trust me.”
“You’re just trying to make me feel better,” she accused suspiciously, but sank into his sideways embrace anyway. Damian chuckled.
“No, I’m being honest. He’s terrible at emotions, not that I really have much room to talk. We all are pretty bad with them. But he’s the most obvious when it comes to that issue,” Damian smirked over at his sister conspiratorially. “For example. He still tries to tell people that he works alone, and pushes people away because he has this intense desire to protect, but doesn’t know how to say “I don’t want you to get hurt, stop worrying me,” so instead he says “Go away, I don’t need you,” only for us to see through that nonsense and remind him that the amount of people in his team is in the double digits already. He doesn’t want to admit he cares about us and is vulnerable—”
“Sounds familiar,” Marinette teased with a watery grin, startling a short laugh from her twin. He nudged her a little roughly (but not to roughly) and playfully glared at her. Marinette just giggled.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he lied with a grin before waving his free hand in dismissal. “Anyway. Another example. He has no idea how to tell a stranger, “hey, I’m your father and I will not reject you. In fact, I’m completely willing to adopt you right this moment and whisk you away to Gotham and relative safety and hire an entire team of therapists to help you and buy you half the world if you asked for it,” so instead he and the rest of our emotionally constipated family just lurks on the edge of a building in broad daylight eavesdropping on us and expects us not to notice.”
“Wait what,” Marinette’s gaze instantly whipped up towards the sky, taking only half a second to locate the aforementioned eavesdroppers. Everyone except Bruce at least had the courtesy to duck down and pretend not to be there when they noticed she had seen them, leaving Batman standing seemingly alone on the concrete roof. Marinette blinked once. Twice. Then turned to Damian. “I’m gonna blame the fact that I didn’t notice them on emotional turmoil, because there is no way I’ve gotten THAT rusty.”
Damian smiled, but didn’t laugh. He knew that was a deflection to try and distract from Marinette’s quickly resurging self-consciousness. Her hands were already trembling again, and the fear from only minutes ago had resurfaced. The insecurity. He could practically see the words “I’m not good enough,” written in her irises.
“You’ll be fine,” he whispered, standing up and pulling her with him. “If anyone has to worry here, it’s me.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Marinette whisper-hissed right back, eyes wide in disbelief and confusion. “You’re— You! Mister Perfect!”
Damian rolled his eyes, and his self-deprecating smirk matched the laugh Marinette had given just a few minutes earlier. “For the League, maybe,” he shrugged. “Never the Wayne family. Which is why I know you’ll be fine. If they put up with everything I’ve done and still call me one of them, they’ll accept you with barely a second thought.”
Marinette’s next argument was cut off by the sound of a dozen soft footfalls stirring up dirt not far ahead of them. The BatClan had landed from the rooftop.
Marinette gulped.
But if there was one thing— one thing she still remembered from her days as Marie Al-Ghul, it was how to fake pride and confidence. She straightened her shoulders automatically, lifted her chin, and pulled away from Damian’s supporting arm around her shoulder. Damian let her.
A little bit of old resentment flared up in him as he saw Batman walk up close enough to comfortably talk with them. Resentment that he no longer held onto, but that had haunted him nearly every night of the first two years he spent with his dad. The realization that maybe his twin was the one that was meant to be a Wayne. Marie had the blue eyes, the compassion, the more specifically detective-oriented mind. The calm head. Sometimes. Marie was exactly who he imagined when he thought of a naturally born member of the BatClan. Stubborn, clever, morally just. She had risked immediate death just because she refused to fight him, for crying out loud. Because she didn’t want to hurt the boy who used to be her best friend. The only ally she had ever had, growing up.
Meanwhile, he still had issues reigning in his anger sometimes. He had too much blood on his hands, he was more of a battlefield tactician than a long-term strategist. Still stubborn, but also completely unaware of the pain he brought others with his words or actions a lot of the time. He used to be such a rage fueled little demon, and thinking about how his sister fit the classic Wayne outline more thoroughly than he did had made him destroy more than a few practice dummies in frustration.
But now, looking at Marinette trying so hard to appear strong and proud when he knew she was still so shattered inside, relief overpowered the old and dull resentment. This was what she needed, he could sense that easily. She, just like him all those years ago, needed Bruce and the others to start to heal her and reforge what the League had badly molded.
“... Marinette, I suppose?” Damian nearly facepalmed at his father’s awkward attempt at a conversation starter. Marinette herself was clearly too keyed up and overthinking things to even register any amusement at the lame attempt, merely nodding with an overly serious expression on her face.
“Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Monsieur Wayne. Or that’s my name nowadays, that is,” She stumbled a little in her response before clenching her fists and forcing herself to continue as calmly as she could muster up. “My birth name was Marie Al-Ghul.”
Bruce’s eyebrows visibly furrowed underneath his cowl. “Was?”
“I…” Marinette finally looked away, shame creeping back onto her face. “I was explicitly told that I was stripped of the Al-Ghul name and would be killed if I ever dared lay claim to it again. So I not-so-legally changed it. And I was later adopted.”
Several sharp gasps or the hiss of breath through teeth bit through the quiet breeze. Nobody was necessarily surprised, Marinette could see it when she looked through her eyelashes and examined the winces and sympathy on the faces of the vigilantes before her. Batman’s shoulders were stiff, as if someone had paralyzed only his shoulder blades.
“And the people who adopted you?” Batman pursued. Marinette couldn’t read his tone very well, but it sounded vaguely angry so she quickly raised her hands in a placating gesture and her eyes widened significantly.
“They’ve been amazing! They don’t know anything about my past, or who raised me, but they are endlessly patient with me. I mean, honestly! Sabine caught me when I was trying to steal one of her gold bracelets in Hong Kong— and I know I’ve never been as good of a combatant as Dami, but I’ve always been better at sleight of hand and stealth so honestly that’s impressive— and she saw my dirty eight-year-old face and for some reason decided, ‘yeah I want this one as my daughter’ and roped Tom right into it and next thing I know they somehow tailed me to my hideout? I still don’t know how the hell they managed that, but Tom had a huge plate of steaming buns and I was so hungry and suddenly it’s two years later and I’m adopted and we’re on a plane to Paris—” Marinette threw up her hands. “I still don’t fully grasp what happened sometimes.”
She belatedly seemed to realize that she had just gone on an entire breathless rant at the speed of sound, and slapped her hands over her mouth before lunging into a deep bow. “I apologize! I spoke horridly out of turn!”
To her surprise though, she was met with a soft laugh instead of a scolding. She jerked in surprise, whipping her head up only to see Batman holding a hand over his chin to hide his large grin. It only took another second for the boys behind him to laugh a lot LESS softly. Nightwing strolled over casually and swung an arm around both her and Damian’s shoulders, playfully nudging her brother with his knee.
“I think she fits right in, don’t you little D?”
“Of course,” Damian scoffed, though his eyes were playful. “She is a Wayne by blood. She ‘fits in’ more than you strays.”
“Dami!” Marinette whipped back to him and puffed out her cheeks. “That was uncalled for!” she barked. Damian held his hands up in surrender.
“Relax,” he said as soothingly as he could manage. “They know I’m joking,” he dropped his hands and a knowing smirk took over his face. “And besides, now you’re relaxed so my plan worked,” Marinette could only blink at that. She… did feel more relaxed, actually. “Also. I told you you’d be accepted easily. They already consider you one of us.”
“Wha— there’s no way—” she frantically looked at each of the older men around her, but each of them just shot her a smile or grin and a short nod. Her shoulders and jaw both fell, and it broke a little of everyone’s heart.
Marinette looked so utterly shocked, bewildered to be accepted as if it was still something profoundly foreign to her. And there was that disbelief in her eyes, that distrust that screamed that she expected some sort of lie here. That told that she thought this would all crumble away at any second. If anyone had any reservations about bringing her into their inner circles, it vanished right that moment. She needed support, or she’d crumble away and they all knew it.
“How about we start by talking about the situation with Hawkmoth?” Red Robin spoke up, walking forward to stand beside Batman. “I assume that’s a little more in your element?”
Damian silently vowed to thank Tim later for that. In a silent, completely anonymous way of course. Couldn’t have Tim thinking they were friends or something now, could he? Marinette instantly straightened up and nodded, her confidence returning with a little more sincerity this time.
“Yeah. Yeah, let me transform again. It’ll be easier to explain.”
—*—*—*—*—*
It was three weeks later, on Marinette’s third now-weekly visit to the Batcave, when the question finally came up. Jason had asked to spar with Marinette for the first time, having seen her in action as Ladybug and wanting to test the girl when she didn’t have superpowers to rely on. Damian hadn’t been down in the cave to warn him, and the result was Jason’s gut sinking as Marinette scrambled as far away from him as she could, eyes wide and chest heaving in the beginnings of a panic attack.
“Shit,” Jason muttered before he quickly knelt down and did his best to talk her down, to calm her until her breathing slowed and her pupils were back to normal. It wasn’t long afterwards that Marinette started hugging herself, refusing to look at him. But he wasn’t going to just back down, he wanted to solve this issue. If even the mere suggestion of a spar was enough to set her off, he needed to figure out why and fix it.
So he carefully lowered himself so he was sitting only a foot away from her, resting his arms across his knees casually.
“Sorry,” he apologized. “Didn’t think it would be a sore subject. That’s on me.”
Marinette just shrugged, but didn’t answer him. She just buried her face in her arms and took a shaky breath.
Jason let the silence linger for a while before trying again. “Does this have to do with certain Asshole Assassins?”
That startled a slightly hysterical bark of laughter from her, and she had to wipe away a few tears when she raised her head and finally turned it in his direction slightly. Not enough for her to be looking at him, but just a subtle turn to show that she was listening and speaking to him. “Yeah.”
“You know, you never told us why you got disowned,” Jason tried to make his words as casual as possible, but wasn’t surprised when Marinette still stiffened and took a sharp breath. He didn’t push. The stage was set, and he’d wait until either she took the opportunity to open up or told him to leave well enough alone. Her tongue flicked out to wet her lips, and her foot tapped on the ground a bit. Clear signs of her anxiety around the subject, and Jason’s hopes vanished a little. He would probably have to wait longer for her to be ready to share.
But, to his pleasant surprise, he was wrong. She took another few minutes to gather her thoughts, but she did eventually open up to him.
“I refused to fight Damian,” she admitted. “It was… We were seven. It wasn’t supposed to be a fight to the death, but it was a very important spar. We were using live weaponry, and we were told to fight until we couldn’t anymore. Whoever fell first would be relegated as a mere soldier, and have to fight for status like any other assassin in the League. The winner would officially be named as G— as Ra’s Heir. I didn’t want to fight, because I knew Damian would win but I also knew that it wouldn’t be as easy as Ra’s probably expected if I gave it my all like he wanted. I knew both Damian and I would be heavily injured if I did as he asked, and it wouldn’t be worth it. If I misjudged anything, any single hit, I could have accidentally injured Damian permanently and ruined his worth in Ra’s eyes, and that wasn’t an option. I didn’t care that throwing the fight was as good as giving up my life, because at least I could be sure that Damian kept his. I could make sure that he was treated well, or as well as anyone could hope for in the League anyway. I could, with only a few words, make sure he became indispensable. Ra’s and Talia never liked me as much as Damian anyway, I figured… I figured it was nobody’s loss,” She swallowed heavily, clenching her eyes shut. “I was always just the spare. The extra. Damian was their crown prince, the one with actual value. Even to me. I saw him, and I saw everything I wanted to be. I… I tossed down my weapons and let him stab me, because I figured I owed it to him for being such a failure in comparison to him. That I owed it to him to do everything I could to make things easier for him, since I was just an unnecessary obstacle—” strong arms wrapped around her, and she turned to sob into Jason’s chest as he just silently held her.
“Idiot,” Damian whispered, making Marinette jump. Her twin sat only a few feet away, though only Jason would have known when exactly he had gotten there with them. He shook his head at her. “I never would have gotten as far as I did without you,” he whispered, looking up at the cave ceiling. “You were the only real rival I had. When you left, everything was either too easy or nearly impossible, nothing was the same as trying my best against someone who was just as good as me. And when I got here and met the others, I didn’t think any of them were worthy of taking your position, you know,” he scoffed a bit as he got lost in his memories. “That’s why I hated Tim for so long, I think. He reminded me of you so much that I wanted nothing more than to punch him for daring to replace you—”
“Heh, the Replacement twice over, huh?” Jason joked. Damian chuckled with a small eye roll.
“Plus, he just has a really punchable face,” Damian added, trying to distract from the emotion behind everything he had just admitted. “Part of me thought you were dead. The other part refused to believe that. And seeing Tim and how some of his mannerisms were the same as yours,” Damian shrugged a little. “It stung. Especially that second year, when I started to regret that you never had the chance to come here and join them with me. Meet them with me.”
Marinette sniffled. “... Who are you and what have you done with Dami? He’s never this sappy.”
Damian flicked a pebble at her head with a good natured glare, successfully diffusing the serious air a little. Marinette wouldn’t ever be normal, and it would take a while before she was no longer fragile, but she could get there. Especially now that her bridges with her brother had been mended, and and a whole new family had cropped up to help support her.
She was glad Damian had convinced her to try, again. ��
#maribat#platonic daminette#sibling daminette#bio!dad au#bio!dad bruce wayne#ml x dc#mlb x dc#Useful
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I’m On Fire [Chapter 1]
Summary: With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.
A/N: This is the first part in a series, I’ve written the first few chapters already so I’m hoping to update pretty regularly! I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader
Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby
Warnings: None really for this chapter, cursing? Mean-ish Spencer
Word Count: 6.5k
Next Chapter
Series Masterlist
Masterlist
I wasn’t at the BAU long before it started to feel like home. The team became my family, pure and simple.
Having been recruited by Hotch at only 22 I'd sort of fallen into the roll of the little sister to the team without really meaning to. It's not that I was naive, or particularly sheltered even. I know I'm good at my job, and I'd want to be, given how my life's revolved around it almost entirely. But the team seemed to adopt a protective mindset over me right off the bat.
When I first joined the FBI everything was terrifying. I worked so hard for my PhD, trying to get into the unit, but there's almost nothing that can actually prepare you for the real thing. Being out in action in the field, working the cases out in real time. Sometimes they had a smooth, easy conclusion followed by loud obnoxious drinks together. Then there were the others, the ones that kept me up for days after and felt as though they owned little pieces of my heart still.
It was JJ that helped the most on those horrible flights back on the jet. Noticing my anxious ticks and uneasy disposition after that first case that had ended badly. JJ had been through it all before, taking too many cases home with her. Seeing her son's little faces in the kids that we couldn't help. If I was the baby of the team JJ was the big sister, looking out for everyone.
Morgan on the other hand was the outrageously cool older brother, the one you just wanted to be. Early on he'd helped my weak self with the ruthless fitness regimen the FBI required, he offered to pull some strings and get the test written off. But I couldn't accept that, there was something in me that just wanted to impress Morgan, and honestly still does. Like somehow if he thought you were cool, then it became true. So I passed the exam, but getting up a flight of stairs was near impossible for a week after.
Emily was probably the fun aunt. The one that would sneak you booze at the family gathering, or take you to your first concert. Emily was actually the one who'd found me, digging around colleges for potential recruits she'd had me picked out for a while I later found out. Insisting that Hotch give me a shot. It was reassuring to know I had someone who would stick up for me from day one.
I was an tech analyst, among other things, sort of a counterpart for Garcia in the field. So it was no surprise to anyone when the two of us hit it off as though we'd known each other forever. We weren't the same by any means though. Penelope was bold, and bright, and confident beyond measure, where I've typically felt like more of a blend into the background type. I've always thought of myself that way, despite my achievements. I'd also always believed I was fairly inoffensive, no one I'd met had ever had a huge problem with me, 'till I got to the BAU that is.
Every rose has its thorn I suppose.
That thorn in my side was Dr. Spencer Reid.
It wasn't that Dr. Reid was a bad agent, or even a bad person. I hadn't actually met him before that first day in the conference room, but I'd known who he was for a long time. Before I came along he'd held the mantle of 'youngest ever recruit' in the unit, while I was studying I'd read any of his work I could get my hands on because of that fact.
I figured it must've been some sort of hazing when he looked me up and down that first day I was introduced, and then proceeded to blank me entirely for a full week. Up until I'd wrapped my first case.
The whole team went straight from the jet to the bar. Proceeding to get far too drunk. Spencer joined, which the rest of the team found unusual, and I probably should've taken as a sign of things to come.
That case went well, and everyone was in high spirits but Reid had a sour disposition, at least it seemed that way every time he looked at me. After a few too many drinks I went outside in an attempt to sober up in the cold air, unfortunately Reid must've snuck outside not long before.
"Ugh" was all he said when he first caught my silhouette approaching him. The night was unusually cold so it had been deserted outside the bar that evening. I wasn't really sure why it made me nervous to be alone with him like this, the two of us leaning back against the same small area of brick wall, looking out at the cold night.
"Nice to see you too doctor" was all I could muster, I was drunk enough that I let my sarcastic tone leap out, "you can relax, I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's too stuffy in there, and loud. I'm not here to talk to you or anything."
"Well aren't you a sensitive thing" he responds in kind, at that point I wasn't really sure if it was a coincidence or if he'd been genuinely avoiding me, but things were starting to clear up.
"I'm sensitive, that's a fun take on things" I joke, taking a long sip of cold water from my glass.
"And what's that supposed to mean, newbie?" his emphasis on the last word all but confirms my suspicions.
"Fuck man, what's your problem with me? Is it because I'm new, or because I beat your stupid record?" I quip. hoping that at the very least it might coax him out of his shell. Dr. Spencer Reid getting angry at me could honestly be better than the nothing I'd been experiencing from him until now.
"What stupid record?" he sounds genuinely confused
"I'm the youngest BAU recruit now?" I didn't know why else he could be so sour. He'd never met me before last week, and since he'd ignored me that first day I'd done all I could not to step on his toes. So if he had a reason to hate me this much, it wasn't something I'd done on purpose.
He takes a few moments to respond, raising his eyebrows and considering the information. He chuckles. He fucking chuckles.
"That's funny." he says, his voice leveling out, "I didn't peg you as funny newbie" that word sets something off in me again. Something about it is dismissive, or belittling. Before I could fight back he starts to move, maneuvering around me and heading back inside. A little too tipsy to think of anything constructive to say, I just mutter "Fuck you Spencer."
He swings open the door, as he walks inside he just says "See you Monday, Newbie" without even looking at me.
And that was only the beginning.
----
"You know I'm just trying to make sure you get enough rest sweetheart. There's no need to get so defensive!" it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with this call. Since joining the BAU a few years ago this was a standard call from my Mom. Equal parts well meaning and over-bearing, and generally asking far too many questions.
"I'm not getting defensive Mom, I get plenty of rest, my job is just very important to me and you know that." I knew she was right to be at least a little worried, this job was consuming, and in all honesty I wasn't sure how people like JJ were married and still here. It seemed like an impossible feat.
"Fine sweetie, how are your co-workers doing then? How's Penelope? Give her my love" she loved Penelope, I think she thought that Penelope tethered me to the normal world, and in a way she was right. She kept me sane, and fun, and made me eat pizza and do face masks once a week at least. Even when I didn't think I wanted to.
"Pen's great Mom, everyone's good. Well, the usual ones get on my nerves, but I'm fine." As I say it I glance across at Dr. Reid, the only person who's also in as early as I am most days. I'm not sure if he can hear me but he's tapping his pen so loud on his desk that it takes all of my energy not to walk across the bullpen and stab him with it.
"Y'know what Mom, I'm actually just after getting to work and it's a busy day so can I call you back later?" I chance, getting her off the phone is always an ordeal.
"Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But wait one last thing!"
I knew what was coming. It was always coming.
"Are you seeing anyone, Margot's been wondering too, just thought I'd check in?"
Pinching the bridge of my nose and trying not to scream down the line, I just sigh out the frustration instead.
"No Mom, believe it or not, I've made no progress on that front since you asked me all of 3 days ago."
"See you are being defensive!" she snaps
"I gotta go, bye Mom. Love you!" I say, hanging up quickly before dropping my head down into my arms on my desk, resting like that for a few moments in silence.
Hearing Garica chuckle behind my ear I perk up and spin around. She's holding a small paper cup of coffee and hands it to me. I look at it confused, "Sorry about the paper, I couldn't find your mug in the cabinet" she apologizes, looking over at Dr. Reid and rolling her eyes. Now I know he can hear me from his seat, he takes that moment to sip from my mug and place it gently back on his desk.
It hadn't taken long for him to start toying with me. It was always stupid childish things. Things I couldn't get genuinely annoyed at, that would give him far too much satisfaction, knowing he was getting to me in any real way. This was one trick he liked to play if he got into the office before me, he'd take my mug and make his coffee in it, just to spite me I guess.
"Why does he even do that, it's so stale" she said, just a little louder than normal to make sure he could hear. Garcia and Reid were still good friends and team-mates but she liked to stand up for me when she could. He liked to avoid me as much as possible so he'd usually go to Garcia before me if he needed help with something. Even when the two of us were out in the field together. Which was obnoxious but it was just another thing I'd gotten used to over time. And as long as it didn’t interfere with the case I just forced myself to let it go.
"I know it's such low grade bullying isn't it?" I shot back with a chuckle.
"So I'll take it that was Mommy dearest" Penelope gestures to my phone. She knew my Mom, and she knew about her general overbearing energy. I let out a groan thinking about the call again, and the calls that were to come.
"Isn't it always Mommy dearest?" I joke
"So she's still on your ass about the wedding then?" I'm sure Penelope was almost as sick of hearing about it as I was,
"Margot's getting married in like 4 months now, and every time Mom calls there’s just some new hometown loser she wants to set me up with Pen. It's fucking exhausting" I take a sip of the coffee she made me, savoring the bitter taste. She sits down on my desk for a moment, leaning in.
"Honey, did you ever think that if you got out there and found someone, she wouldn't be on your ass at all?" I don't want to think about that, about how she's completely right. All I can do is let out another small groan and lean back down onto my desk.
"Too early Pen" I say, it's muffled by the desk but she gets the message. Hopping up and heading to her own office as some more people start to arrive for the morning.
Leaving me alone to make a start on my paperwork that had built up throughout the week. Fridays were usually slow like this, giving me a little too much time to think. I couldn't shake the thought that my Mom and Penelope were actually right. Maybe I was a bit too invested in the job, and maybe that was a pretty big factor in why my last relationship imploded but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone.
----
After that the day crawls by, thankfully no cases pop up so the weekend might actually be free. Trying to make sure I clear up all of my paperwork takes a little longer than I'd hoped and leaves me alone in the bullpen. It seems like everyone's gone home by the time I've packed up and I'm ready to leave. Which wasn't as out of the ordinary as I'd like it to be really. Everyone else seemed to have somewhere to be on a Friday night.
Waiting for the elevator to arrive my phone started to ring, I could see my Mom's caller ID on the screen. If I just let it go I know she'll call back later, may as well get it out of the way. I take a deep breath in anticipation before I answer.
"Hey what's up?" I answer, stepping inside the elevator as the doors ping open.
"Hi sweetie, I've got good news! Do you remember David? That lovely boy, he helped out your Father that summer in high school?" I know what's coming and rub my temple, trying to stifle the headache I know is coming. As I answer a hand slides between the elevator doors, popping them open again.
Dr. Fucking Reid walks in, and he looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him. I make eye contact and look away just as fast, willing him away with my mind. "Yes Mom, I remember him, why are you telling me this?" I already know the answer but I'm fed up, she still sounds excited when she responds.
"Well you won't believe it! I ran into him at the market this morning and I thought you'd like it if I passed on your phone number to him, maybe for the weddi-" it took all I had not to shout into the receiver, and maybe I would've had the elevator been empty.
"Mom! Jesus!" I have to reign myself in, but I have a bad idea, "You know what, I'm actually sorted. I've got a date lined up now" I'm not sure why I said it with no real plan in place. She sounds even more excited than I've ever heard her.
"Oh my, that's amazing sweetie! That was fast, I can't believe you found one since this morning, it's someone from work so?" she assumes, and I'm just not thinking fast enough to correct her.
"Mmhmm, yeah" I'll figure out the logistics later I rationalize.
"Oh! Is it that boy you're always on about, the one who teases you?" she asks, and her voice is full of joy, and it makes me feel horrible that I'm lying already, and that I'm going to let her down.
"Yup, that's the one, look Mom I gotta go, I'll talk to you later! Night" I blurt out so fast it has to be obvious I'm nervous.
I can hear a stifled chuckle behind me. Fuck. How loud is my phone speaker. Could he hear that. Surely not. But this elevator was completely silent. The doors open and I have to stop myself from running to my car at top speed. Instead I walk out just a little faster than normal, turning around to shoot him a small wave goodbye. And he's got this devious smirk on his face that makes my stomach turn.
Sitting into my car I pull out my phone to text Garcia immediately.
I'm on my way to yours right now. It's urgent.
——
Traffic's light so it takes maybe 10 minutes before I arrive at Garcia's place. My mind's racing and my body takes me there on autopilot. Why did I say any of that, why did I even answer the damn phone. Why did I wave goodbye to Spencer, I never usually did that. Maybe that's why he had that look on his face. Maybe he was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier and it had nothing to do with me at all. That was something he'd do to mess with me for sure.
How was I going to walk this back with my Mom, she was just gonna have more questions that I couldn't answer. Fuck.
Garcia buzzed me up and her door was open for me by the time I got up the stairs. This little purple apartment had become my second home. It was where I spent most of my evenings off, laughing on the same sofa I was collapsing face first into right now. Garcia nestles in beside me and runs her hand over my hair, "Hey sweet pea, what's happening? I don't want to sound too concerned but you're not giving me much to go off? Are you dying, is there drama? You're going to have to tell me what's so urgent before I burst a blood vessel?"
I let out a muffled, "is drahmuh" into the pillow, Garcia shakes my shoulders.
"Sit up babe, damn!" I have to heave myself out of the pillows, sitting upright on the sofa beside her, clutching one of the pillows in my arms.
"It's drama" I repeat,
"Well, out with it then, you know I'll take all the drama I can get! Spill, spill" she rushes me along. I'm already apprehensive, Reid's her coworker too, but if anyone would understand why this was such an issue it was gonna be her.
"Okay, I'm after doing something stupid and I think I really need your advice" I cringe already, thinking back to the elevator, throwing out my words faster, I continue the story, mostly trying to get it over with, "my Mom called again when I was on the way out tonight and she was trying to set me up with this guy, and Reid was there, and I got all flustered, and I told her I had a date already" I throw my head down into the pillow again.
"Wait why was Reid there?" she looks like she's trying to fit puzzle pieces together and she's getting nowhere, "And what's the drama?"
"Shit Garcia, it was in the elevator and it was all quiet, and maybe he heard the call, maybe he didn't but he had this fuckin' look on his stupid face" I can't shake the smug little smirk, it's burned inside my eyelids. Garcia's face falls in what looks like disappointment.
"Ugh Y/N! That's nothing chill out, why does it matter if he heard your call? I know you guys are all weird but none of that is any of his business anyway!" she shoo's her hand in the air, dismissing the whole situation.
"No Garcia, it is his business now" I have to close my eyes when I say it, I can't look at her "I told my Mom that he was my date, well, I didn't say his name or anything, she assumed it was someone from work and so I just agreed, and then she suggested that it was him and then I fucking panicked Pen, I fucked up so bad. What do I do?"
I finally opened my eyes to look up at Garcia. She was sitting in pure silence, pursing her lips in what seemed like contemplation. The puzzle pieces finally slotting together. It's as though a light bulb goes off behind her eyes and she bursts out in fits of laughter. Doubling over on herself before finally taking a few breaths to calm herself down. I'm honestly not sure why she finds the whole thing so funny, she know's how needlessly annoying he's made my life, she's seen it first hand and heard me talk about it over and over again in this very apartment over pizza.
"Garcia, this is not fucking funny! This is serious!" I try to calm her down, I need advice not whatever this is.
"I'm so sorry Y/N, I love you dearly. But this isn't funny, this is hilarious. It's like you're Sandra Bullock in some mid-90's rom com. I love it" I don't love it, in fact I hate it. I nearly snap at her but pull myself back.
"Pen, come on, help me out. What do I do with this, how do I fix it?" I plead.
She stops laughing and pulls out her phone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to order us a pizza, and we're gonna sort this thing out together, sound good?" I just nod and collapse back into the sofa. I think I feel better now that I've gotten it out in the open.
----
Penelope makes us tea while we wait for the pizza, she keeps lemon & ginger in her cabinet for me, just like I keep mint for her. The warm mug and the steam calm me down. After a few minutes alone to think about it I start to figure it out a little better. I figure I can just lie to my Mom for a while, it might suck but I can pretend for a bit and then make up some excuse as to why he can't come closer to the time. Then I can just bring Garcia instead and everyone's happy. I'm about to float my plan to her there's a knock on her door. I was so caught up that I hadn't really noticed quite how starving I'd gotten. Leaping up of the sofa to grab the door.
I swing it open but it's not the pizza guy. Somehow it's the opposite of the pizza guy, my worst nightmare is on the other side of the door. He must notice my eyes blow completely wide. "Y/N!" he says, more of a statement than a question really, like he's telling himself that he's actually seeing me in the doorway. I'm not as gentle.
"What the fuck are you doing here Reid?!" I can't even disguise my anger. He seems a little flustered, like he's got absolutely no idea how to proceed.
"Um, uh, is Garcia here? I can, um, I can just come back later?" he swallows hard and shakes his head, before I can agree and tell him to get lost Penelope races to the door, pulling it wide open.
"Nope, that won't be necessary Doctor! Come on in, you're right on time sweetheart" she waves him in and he walks past me, his demeanor changing almost instantly. He's smug, like he's won whatever battle this was. And I hate it. Though he's still as confused as me despite the newfound attitude. Reid sits down on the sofa, right where I had been sitting. I bite my tongue and sit on the opposite end.
"Are you okay Garcia?" he asks with a genuine concern, "What's going on, what was the emergency?". He's not stupid, he knows she's not in danger now that he's here. But he wants answers. I don't know that I've ever seen him this confrontational with anyone, well anyone but me. The entire time I’m staring her down as she sits in the armchair opposite the two of us. My keys are in my pocket and my car's right outside. I could just jump up and make a break for it. Escape.
"You know what Doc, you won't believe it but I'm not actually the one with the emergency" she takes a beat, and I'm starting to think that I might understand why people murder other people after all these years, "Y/N has something urgent she needs to talk to you about" she's silent for another moment, and she almost looks giddy, "Actually Spencer, you might already know a little something about the matter already, now that I think about it" she smirks, and it's pure joy.
My keys are in my hand ready to bolt when the doorbell chimes again. "Oh, that'll actually be the pizza this time, if you two will excuse me" she hops up out of the armchair and races to the door, leaving the two of us alone in a horrible silence. The tension is almost too much, I want to speak but I really have no idea what to say, or how to even start saying it. But he starts.
"Y/N what's going on, I feel like I'm out of the loop here? What am I missing?" he asks, and there's something uncharacteristically genuine about the way he says it, but he can't turn to look at me as he speaks. I almost want to let my guard down and just have a conversation but I can’t force myself to do it. "Shut up Reid." is all I mutter, folding my arms across my chest.
He turns sharply on the sofa to face me. "Hey Y/N. Believe it or not I'm about as happy as you with whatever kind of Parent Trap situation Garcia's got going on here. But from what I'm picking up on you've got a problem and I'm supposed to be able to help with it. So do you want to tell me what's going on or not? I can just go?" I can see that there's an anger bubbling right below the surface, threatening to burst. I know I shouldn't but I let him stew in silence for a little too long and he jumps up off the sofa.
"Y'know what, typical" he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it, "this is all about you." he throws his bag over his shoulders and begins to walk towards the door. Something in me just snaps.
"All about me?! Are you fucking kidding? I've been tip-toeing around you for years, ever since I joined this damn unit!" I shout as Garcia comes back into the room, pizza box and plates in her hands.
"So, who's hungry?" Garcia asks, trying to break the tension, or pretending there's no tension at all. Reid shakes his head in disbelief and rubs his temple before he speaks again, "Actually I was just gonna head out" he gestures to the door, "I'm clearly not wanted here so I'm gonna leave you guys to it." Spencer makes a move to leave but Garcia grabs the strap of his shoulder bag, yanking him back ever so slightly before he really has the chance to escape.
"You are going absolutely nowhere kid" She points back to the sofa, "get back there" she glances to me, staring with far too much intensity. "You too, sit." Her voice is more stern than I've ever heard it, even while we were on a case. I can't help but obey her command and I sit back down on the sofa in silence. Followed by Reid, clearly processing the same uneasy feeling of a serious Penelope.
She sits opposite the two of us again. "Y/N, Spencer, I love the two of you with all of my heart, albeit separately, and I would die for either one of you. But you've got to chill the hell out!" she says it like she's had it bottled up forever. The tension that releases from her as she says it looks euphoric.
She opens up the pizza box and lays it on the coffee table and takes out a slice for herself. Taking a bite she leaves the two of us in stunned silence. Once she finishes the mouthful she turns to me specifically, "Y/N you tell him, or I will." dead serious. And the feeling in my belly is like I've just fallen down an elevator shaft.
My stomach is in knots as I turn to Spencer on the sofa next to me. His face is puzzled and I think I might be able to make out pure terror in his expression. I don't know that I've ever been looked at like this before and my stomach screws up tighter. I have to take a deep breath and I can't believe I'm about to say it. "Fuck it" I have to take another breath almost immediately so I just have to force the rest out, "I don't know if you heard the call I was on while we were in the elevator earlier?" I look up to gauge his reaction and I can see his face relax, and worse than that, one corner of his mouth lifts into a sort of smile. It's a look of pure smug satisfaction and I think I might scream. I have to close my eyes because I really don't think I can look at that face as I say the next part.
"My sister is getting married in a few months and my Mom's been on my ass to find a date for the wedding and she keeps trying to set me up with these losers, so I fucking panicked, and I told her you were my date." by the time the sentence is out my eyes have screwed up so tight it feels like I have to pry them open.
He sits in silence for too long. Thinking, maybe?
"So I'm the boy who teases you then?" he grins. So he did hear. And he did laugh. He looks far too self satisfied. Now he knows he's right. He knows I've talked to my Mom about him, that he's gotten in my head. I can tell from his smile that he's savoring the moment. Mostly because I can't slap the smug smile off his face I drop my head into my hands. In an effort to disappear I guess.
"So," he says, taking a moment, "is that all you wanted to say then?" he asks, lighthearted and obnoxious, back to his usual self. I snap back to reality, shooting my head back up.
"What do you mean is that all?" I throw back genuinely shocked,
"Is that all you had to say Y/N? Can I go now? It's a long bus ride home y'know" he smirks but makes no effort to move. He can't possibly be making me do this.
"Well no, obviously!" I stutter, "I mean, are you, will you, uh?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. He leans in on the sofa looking directly at me, refusing to break eye contact.
"Did you have something you wanted to ask me Y/N?" I just want to smack that fucking look off his face,
"Fuck you Spencer Reid" I almost whisper under my breath, but Garcia snaps me back to reality.
"Hey!" she looks at me, stern again, "Ask him." it's not a question, or a suggestion, it's a command.
"Fine okay" I scrunch my eyes up again, "Will you come to my sisters wedding with me as my fake boyfriend?" I curl up into myself as I say it, I can almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach. Like I'm having a biological reaction to the whole thing.
Reid crosses his arms and sinks back on the sofa, like he's performing the act of thinking. He's considering my offer to make me squirm.
When he finally speaks he says "Well I would Y/N, but I really fail to see what's in it for me" he's after getting cocky now.
Garcia pipes up, excited, "Oh, Oh! I know! I have an idea!" she interjects, "Spencer remember how a while ago, back after your apartment flooded you were all all worried about your antique books and prints and stuff?" he nods, "Well Y/N could digitize the collection for you as a back up? I know you're a technophobe? C'mon Y/N, you know you could do that no sweat, and it would take you a lifetime alone Spencer?" I really don't want to admit it but she's right. Even I knew Reid was adverse to any technology that wasn't vital, but it was your specialty. And maybe that was a good trade off, a job like that would be near impossible for him to pull off without help. I take a glance over at Reid and he seems to have had the same train of thought as me. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and relaxes his posture.
"Fine, I guess that's a fair trade. I'm in." he resigns and I almost can't believe it. I'm barely processing the whole conversation as he sticks his hand out to me, I'm confused for a second before I grab it and shake it firmly. Condemning myself to whatever's about to happen. And it's not the time to be thinking about it but maybe this is the first time Spencer and I have ever touched? But I shove that thought away.
Garcia's positively beaming and she's not even trying to hide it. "Now it's like you're both in a Sandra Bullock movie, oh, but you're Hugh Grant maybe?" she points to Reid.
"Don't push it" I shoot in her direction, taking a slice of pizza, now that my anxiety stomach has sort of passed.
Once the pizza's been eaten in near completely awkward silence Spencer stands up off the sofa. His unsure demeanor has returned and he looks nervous. "I actually should get going this time" he says but Garcia pipes up to protest,
"No, it's not even late!"
"It takes me a while to get back home, thank you though Pen. For... this?" he gestures to the whole living room, "Night" he waves. He's almost made it to the door before I stand up out of my seat. I'm not really sure what comes over me, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe I'm just exhausted.
"Wait Spencer. Let me give you a ride home?" I ask and it's like it's not even me saying it .
"Thanks, but I think I can make it home just fine" he dismisses, and there’s an antagonizing tone in his voice that snaps me right back to our usual rapport.
"I'm trying to do a nice thing here, fuck! Just let me do something nice!" I snap, and he throws his arms up in surrender.
"Fine alright, if it'll make you feel better"
"Fuck you Reid" I mutter under my breath and I sort of hope that he does hear me really. If he's gonna be hostile about this I can be too. I give Garcia a hug goodbye but I'm going to scold her for this whole thing later.
----
I lead the way outside and climb into my car, Spencer hops into the passenger seat and it feels as strange as always to be alone with him. Especially because it's not an accident, and it's not in work. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He seems like he's unwilling to break the silence, so I just get it over with.
"Where the hell do you live man? I'm gonna need directions." I say, as deadpan as I can muster, which probably isn't all that intimidating.
"Sorry, yeah, so you're gonna want to turn on the ignition" he teases. I definitely wasn't intimidating enough.
"Don't push it" I say, turning to give him a cruel stare, he just reacts with a smirk, that same one from the elevator earlier.
"Oh, I'm pushing it?" he asks, feigning disbelief
"I'll kick you out of this damn car" is all I can think to say. He barely responds, he just lets out a soft chuckle. I want to ask 'what's so funny' but he speaks before I can get the words out.
"I can't believe you talk to your Mom about me" he continues to laugh. That's enough.
"You know what Reid, of course I have! I work with actual murderers on a daily basis and somehow you've been the only real source of friction in my life since I joined the BAU!" He stops giggling a little, but not entirely, he looks like he's making an effort to contain himself.
"I'm sorry. I guess I just never knew I got to you like that" he still finds the whole thing amusing, but I sure as hell don't.
"Directions, now" I demand, looking straight out the front windshield.
"Fine, keep going straight on this road for a while and I'll tell you when to turn" he says, finally playing nice.
The two of us drive silently for most of the journey, the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually we arrive outside his building, and it's nicer than I thought it would be. But I have no idea what I was really basing that on. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Dr. Reid lived in an actual home, I had pictured him sleeping upside down in a cave maybe, or in a cryogenic chamber with all the other life-like genius robots.
"So," he says, breaking the silence, "When is this wedding?"
"4 months from now, in and around" I respond, matter of factly. Spencer nods, taking it in.
"Alright, so I've got 4 months, in and around, to learn enough to convincingly pass as your loving boyfriend. Doesn't sound so difficult." he jokes, his tone harsh and sarcastic.
"Look Spencer, I know this is insane and honestly kind of stupid. But in all seriousness, you can back out right now if you're not on board with whatever this is. I'm telling you this is the last exit ramp." I try to say it with sincerity, giving him a genuine out if he's not comfortable with the weird set-up that Penelope pulled on us both. He thinks on it for a moment and shakes his head.
"So how are we gonna do this?" he asks, and I really thought he was going to back out. So I don't have an actual answer.
"Well, I uh, I haven't really given a plan much thought. How about I come over and start working on some of the stuff you want digitized like Garcia mentioned and I can use the time to give you the footnotes on my life?" I suggest, at least that would make it easier to knock things out all at once. Rather than having to spend even more of my free time with Reid than necessary. He looks content with the improvised plan.
"Alright, sounds good." he undoes his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out of the car before turning back to me, "Are you coming inside or what?"
— —
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October 3rd
word count: 1,535
prompt: distraction
summary: sapnap wants to show karl an extraordinary cave that he found. however, a creature lurks in the shadows, and it wants to thwart their plans… or does it?
I loved writing this one, might be one of my all time favorites. you guys are really in for a treat. :)
warning: this is a sfw tickle fic! don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable :]
If there was one thing that Karl knew about Sapnap, it was that he could be extremely unpredictable. It was almost like he had a different group of personality traits every day. Some days, he would be more affectionate. Sometimes, he was less confident and loud like normal. However, if Karl had to choose two traits to describe him in this very moment, they would be hyper and adventurous.
“I swear, you should’ve been there when me and George found it! It was so cool, I could’ve stayed there for hours.” Sapnap rambled on, walking in front of Karl. “You’re going to love it.”
“Wow, you seem really excited about this.” Karl, who was the calmer of the two currently, observed as he walked behind.
“Well, of course!” Sapnap grinned, a bounce in his steps. “I’m excited for you to see this!”
Karl smiled softly. Seeing his fiancé so happy made him happy in return. He looked at the trees, stretching high up in the air. If the woods they were walking through were beautiful, then this cave had to be breathtaking.
Suddenly, Sapnap stopped walking. Karl didn’t even notice until he bumped into him, and noticed that he was now standing still.
“Uh… Karl? Did you hear that?” Sapnap turned around, looking at the time traveler with nervous eyes.
“Hear what?”
“That noise. Did you not just hear that?”
“…No. I didn’t hear anything. What are you talking about?”
“I just heard a noise. It…” Sapnap paused. “It sounded like a monster.”
“A monster?” Karl asked, now a bit on edge. “What kind?”
“I dunno, it just…” The other sighed, looking onwards. “It’s probably nothing. Look, we’re almost at the cave entrance. Let’s just keep walking.”
The happy, bubbly mood in the air had suddenly shifted to a heavy, ominous one as the two lovers wandered through the woods. Sapnap would keep insisting that he was hearing a noise, but every time, Karl would hear nothing. It was honestly making him a little bit concerned.
“Alright… this is it.” Sapnap let out a shaky breath, the pep in his step completely gone.
Karl looked up, noticing the cave entrance. The entrance itself was a big hole in a hill, and it led down. There were a few torches on the walls at the entrance, but everything else beyond that was pitch black.
“Um…” Sapnap looked at the dark abyss, grabbing a torch from off the wall and handing it to Karl. “Is… Is it okay if you go in front?”
The other’s eyebrows furrowed with concern. Sapnap was so… happy, just a few moments ago, and now he was scared. Karl could tell he was trying to act calm, but he was clearly nervous.
If Karl could describe Sapnap today with a third word, it would be fearful.
“Yeah… I can.” He nodded, holding the torch in his hand, and lightly holding Sapnap’s hand with the other. The two of them walked gently down the steps of the cave, holding each other’s hands, making sure not to trip over anything. Karl, leading ahead of them, felt his partner’s hand slip away, and his heart skipped a beat. “Sapnap?”
“Sorry, I keep getting distracted.” Sapnap sighed. “Are you sure you don’t hear that?”
“I don’t hear anything!” Karl exclaimed, getting more uneasy by the minute. It was true, he really didn’t hear any sort of monster noise. He hadn’t once for this entire journey. What he did hear next, however, was the noise of Sapnap falling over.
“Sapnap?!” The traveler whipped around, running behind him to help his friend off of the ground. However, when he went to help him up, no one was there.
“Sap? Oh my honk, where did you go?”
He was behind him one second ago, and he wasn’t there anymore. Karl was alone in the deep, dark cave, with the torch as his only friend.
And then, he heard it.
A low, rumbling, growl.
A monster.
Karl didn’t know what to do in that moment, so he did the first thing that came to his mind.
Run.
He turned around, torch in hand, and ran back up to the entrance. He ran as fast as his legs could take him, and the light at the end of the tunnel showed more and more. He made it up to the top, sticking the torch to the wall and putting his hands on his knees, panting heavily. He couldn’t remember the last time he ran that fast. But where was Sapnap? He was right behind him. And now he wasn’t. He needed to find him, as soon as he could. It was the only thing on his mind, he couldn’t do anything else before he found-
“Karl!”
“AAH!”
Karl felt two hands grab onto his sides, and he turned around in a stumbled panic as he let out a loud scream. There was Sapnap, right behind him. And boy, did he find Karl’s reaction hilarious.
“Sapnap! What the honk?! You scared me!” Karl placed a heart on his chest.
Sapnap, on the other hand, was in hysterics. He clutched his stomach, laughing loudly. “Ihi’m sohorry, Ihi’m sohorry! Ihi cohouhuldn’t hehelp mysehelf!”
“I thought I was going to have a heart attack.” Karl sighed, stepping closer to Sapnap.
“Ihi cahan tehell! My mohonsteher nohoihise reheahally scahared yohou, huh?”
Karl looked at his giggling companion, confused, until it hit him, and his eyes went wide in realization. “That was you?! Sapnap!”
If Karl could describe Sapnap today with a fourth word, it would be mischievous.
He wanted to be annoyed at Sapnap, he really did. He wanted to discipline him for giving him the scare of his life, but he couldn’t do it when he was being so cute. His smile could light up any room.
And his laughter… could bring joy to anyone, no matter the situation.
“You found that funny, huh, Sapnap?” Karl asked, crossing his arms and stepping closer. Sapnap nodded, a snort coming from him as he still laughed. “Well, I’ve got something really funny to show you then!”
Sapnap giggled, raising an eyebrow out of curiosity. When he felt two hands grab onto his sides and furiously squeeze, he giggled more, a girlish squeal escaping his lips before he could stop it.
“DuhuHUDE! Nohohoho!!” He wriggled around, but Karl held onto him firmly, squeezing relentlessly.
“Dude, yes! You totally deserve this for scaring the honk outta me.” Karl responded, an equally wide smile on his face as his squeezes moved upwards, starting to now squeeze at Sapnap’s ribs.
“Noho I doHOHON’T!” He screamed out, sinking towards the ground. Karl only grinned and followed him down.
“Yes, you do! It was very mean.” Karl faked being upset, fingers bouncing along his fiancé’s ribs like a piano. Sapnap was in a giggling frenzy, shoving at his hands and attempting to hide his pink face.
“Y’know, it’s almost like you’re more ticklish when you’re already giggly. Which is very convenient right now.” He smiled.
“YeHEHEahah, fohor yoHOHOU!” Sapnap yelled out, the blush on his face growing deeper. Karl shook his head, stopping his fingers.
“You keep talking back to me, it’s so rude! Looks like I need to put you in your place, mister!” The time traveler had a soft smirk on his face, reaching a hand down and slowly pulling up Sapnap’s shirt. When he felt the fabric moving, Sapnap’s squirming increased drastically.
“WAIT! Wait! WahAHait! Dohon’t! Karl, Kaharl. Come ohon, dude.” He pleaded, the evil look on his fiancé’s face filling his stomach with butterflies. “Yohou dohon’t have to doho this. Kaharl. Karl. Wait. Wahait. KARL, DOHON’T! KAHAHARL-”
A high pitched scream cut Sapnap off, preventing him from saying any more as the feeling of a raspberry rippled through his tummy. After he screamed, high pitched, bubbly laughter spilled out of him like a waterfall. And just when he thought it was over, he felt another one and shrieked with laughter, throwing himself against the ground.
If Karl could describe Sapnap today with a fifth word, it would be adorable.
“KAHAHARL!! PLEHEHEAHAHASE! IHI CAHAHAN’T TAHAHAKE IHIHIT!” He screamed as his limit was being reached. Smaller raspberries started to be planted on his stomach instead, and then, they were reduced to small, slightly tickly kisses, each one accompanied with a “mwah!” sound.
“Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!” Karl giggled along with Sapnap as he planted kisses all over his tummy. He finally finished, grabbing Sapnap’s hand and helping him off of the ground once he was rested up.
“Sooo… is there actually a cool cave around here? Or did you just bring yourself out here to scare the honk outta me?” Karl asked.
“No, there actually is a cave. I did want to show you, we just got distracted. You still wanna see?” Sapnap offered, grinning when Karl nodded.
Just as Karl had done before, Sapnap grabbed the torch from the wall with one hand, and held Karl’s own in the other. He excitedly led his lover down the cave path, reaching a railroad with two minecarts.
That day, Karl reaffirmed two things he knew about Sapnap.
One: He was definitely an unpredictable person.
Two: Karl wouldn’t change that trait for the world.
#dawn writes#lee!sapnap#ler!karl#c!sapnap#c!karl#dsmp tickle#mcytickletober#is it possible to fall in love with your own fic? bc i think that’s what happened here#i am down on one knee <3#🔥 sapnap - born from fire#🍭 karl: turning back time
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Entertainment Spotlight: Bethany Antonia, Get Even
British actress Bethany Antonia plays Margot Rivers in Get Even, a new thriller series adapted from Gretchen McNeil’s Don’t Get Mad books. The show follows a group of girls who come together as DGM (Don’t Get Mad) to expose school bullies; when they realize they’re being framed for the murder of one of their targets, they set out to uncover the truth. Bethany spent her formative years in rural France, before returning to her hometown of Birmingham, UK, as a teen, and landing her first role in a short film of The Tempest for The Shakespeare Birthplace Trust. She went on to land roles on TV in BBC’s Doctors and Channel 4’s Stath Lets Flats, and in the film Pin Cushion, which premiered at the 74th Venice International Film Festival. Bethany is an advocate for social justice issues such as the Black Lives Matter movement, LGBTQIA+ rights, veganism, wildlife conservation, and sustainable living practices.
What kind of research did you do for the role of Margot? Had you read the books before taking the role?
I read both of the books! I read them once after my first callback for the show, and then again while we were filming. I absolutely love the books. There’s something so special about doing a series that’s based on a book and flying through trying to find out what’s going to happen to your character. Margot is also the only American in a British school, so I spent a lot of time thinking about her background and trying to piece together what her story was before we meet her as part of DGM.
Margot is described as shy, but she’s also the brains behind a group that seeks to stop bullying. What drew you to the role?
I got attached to Margot right off the back of reading the audition sides. Her character is everything I wished I’d gotten to see more of when I was younger. A young black girl who is shy, into gaming, and isn’t sassy or argumentative in a lead role? Sign me UP. I just adored the concept for the entire show. I loved the idea of these four teenage girls setting up a secret society in their school because straight away, I saw the bigger picture of what they were doing. It’s telling young girls to stand up for what they believe in and not to be afraid to take matters into their own hands despite living in a world that repeatedly tells them to do otherwise. It felt so empowering, and I was just so determined to be a part of it.
When you hear Black Excellence, what or who comes to mind?
Black Excellence for me is confidence. It’s power and resilience. It’s excelling in your particular area of the industry and leading by an example that others can follow. When I think of black excellence, I think of Michaela Coel, a woman who is completely changing the game in the industry right now. I have been a massive fan of hers since watching her first show, Chewing Gum, but I am so glad she is getting the global recognition she deserves off the back of I May Destroy You. It was one of the best pieces of television I have ever seen.
What role do you think film/tv/radio should have regarding social realities in Britain? What needs to change?
I think that every single form of media should be an accurate depiction of the world we live in. Any individual should be able to tune in at any given time and see themselves represented in some way, shape, or form. Anything less than that, and we have failed. We have been failing for a really long time in Britain. Tuning into the media has felt like an artist painting a blank canvas paint with little droplets of colour for effect for too long. We need to move away from the idea that the stories of white, straight, slim, able-bodied people are the only stories that need to be told, and start reflecting the realities of our country, which is so beautifully diverse.
How do you deal with a bad day, and how do you like to celebrate the good ones?
If I’m having a bad day, I like to do a complete reset: switch off from social media for a few hours, take a hot bath with a face mask or two, pamper myself, listen to a podcast or read a really good book, eat some of my favourite foods, and just take care of myself. Finding time to practice self-care for yourself is something I think is really important. So I do a complete brain reset and remind myself that tomorrow is a brand new day, and none of the day’s bad-day energy has to carry itself onto the next. I like to celebrate the good ones with my family and friends around me, making sure I’m really present and enjoying the moment, being grateful for whatever it is we’re celebrating.
Do you have any advice for young Black women looking to get into acting?
I’d love to get a whole room full of young Black women together and just tell them over and over again that they’re enough. This industry can feel impossible to break into for most up and coming actors, but for Black women, that’s especially true. It’s hard to envision yourself in a career that hasn’t been visible for you. Breaking down the door is only half of the battle. Once you’re in, there’s a million and one more challenges that come as a direct result of being a Black woman. I’d tell them to find confidence in themselves and their abilities, the kind of confidence that comes from within that nobody can take away from them, even if they have to fake it at first. I’d tell them to be proactive and take their careers into their own hands, to look into what they’re doing now and consider if it’s truly benefitting them for the kind of work they want to be doing. And finally, I would tell them to cling onto their love of acting with everything they have. Even if it feels like you’re not hitting the kind of goals you want to be hitting yet. Nobody can take your love of this craft away from you.
If you could choose any book that you’ve read to be adapted into film or tv, which book would you choose, and who would you play?
I read an amazing book recently called While I Was Sleeping by Dani Atkins, and I’ve not stopped thinking about it for weeks. It’s about this young girl named Maddie who wakes up from a coma thinking a few minutes have passed, but actually, six YEARS have passed. She was due to be married and have a baby, and she wakes up to find that her whole life has essentially happened without her while she’s been asleep. In my head, the whole book has already played out as a film over and over, with me as Maddie, ha! It could be so beautifully adapted.
Which song always manages to get you up in the morning?
“You Can Get It If You Really Want” by Desmond Decker. Every single time.
Thanks for taking the time, Bethany! Get Even is now streaming on Netflix.
Photo: Michael Shelford
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I grew up with three parents: a mom, a dad and Princess Leia. I guess Princess Leia was kind of like my stepmom–technically family, but deep down I didn’t really like her. She literally and metaphorically lived on a planet I had never been to. When Leia was around, there wasn’t as much room for my mom–for Carrie. As a child, I couldn’t understand why people loved Leia as much as they did. I didn’t want to watch her movie, I didn’t want to dress up like her, I didn’t even want to talk about her. I just wanted my mom–the one who lived on Earth, not Tatooine. I didn’t watch Star Wars until I was about 6 years old. (And I technically didn’t finish it until I was 9 or 10. I’m sorry! Don’t judge me!) My mom used to love to tell people that every time she tried to put it on, I would cover my ears and yell, “It’s too loud, Mommy! Turn it off!”–or fearfully question, “Is that lady in the TV you?” It wasn’t until middle school that I finally decided to watch it of my own accord–not because I suddenly developed a keen interest in ’70s sci-fi, but because boys started coming up to me and saying they fantasized about my mom. My mom? The lady who wore glitter makeup like it was lotion and didn’t wear a bra to support her much-support-needed DD/F’s? They couldn’t be talking about her! I had to investigate who this person was they were talking about. So I went home and watched the movie I had forever considered too loud and finally figured out what all the fuss was about the lady in the TV. I’d wanted to hate it so I could tell her how lame she was. Like any kid, I didn’t want my mom to be “hot” or “cool”–she was my mom. I was supposed to be the “cool,” “hot” one–not her! But staring at the screen that day, I realized no one is, or ever will be, as hot or as cool as Princess F-cking Leia. (Excuse my language. She’s just that cool!) Later that year, I went to Comic-Con with my mom. It was the first time I realized how widespread and deep people’s love for Leia was, even after so many years. It was surreal: people of all ages from all over the world were dressed up like my mom, the lady who sang me to sleep at night and held me when I was scared. Watching the amount of joy it brought to people when she hugged them or threw glitter in their faces was incredible to witness. People waited in line for hours just to meet her. People had tattoos of her. People named their children after her. People had stories of how Leia saved their lives. It was a side of my mom I had never seen before. And it was magical. I realized then that Leia is more than just a character. She’s a feeling. She is strength. She is grace. She is wit. She is femininity at its finest. She knows what she wants, and she gets it. She doesn’t need anyone to defend her, because she defends herself. And no one could have played her like my mother. Princess Leia is Carrie Fisher. Carrie Fisher is Princess Leia. The two go hand in hand. When I graduated from college, like most folks, I was trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life. I went to school planning to throw music festivals, but always had this little sliver of me that wanted to do what my parents pushed me so hard not to do–act. I was embarrassed to admit I was even slightly interested. So when my mom called me and told me they wanted me to come in to audition for Star Wars, I pretended it wasn’t a big deal–I even laughed at the concept–but inside I couldn’t think of anything that would make me happier. A couple weeks later I went in for my audition. I probably had never been more nervous in my life. I was terrified and most likely made a fool of myself, but I kind of had a great time doing it. I assumed they would never call me, but after that audition, I realized I wanted to give the whole acting thing a shot. I was definitely afraid, but as a wise woman once said, “Stay afraid, but do it anyway … The confidence will follow.” About a month later, they somehow ended up calling. And there I was, on my way to be in motherf-cking Star Wars. Whoa. Growing up, my parents treated film sets like a house full of people with the flu: they kept me away from them at all costs. So on that fateful first day driving up to Pinewood, I was like a doe-eyed child. I couldn’t tell my mom, but little sassy, sarcastic, postcollege me felt like a giddy, grateful middle schooler showing up to a fancy new school. On that first day, my mom and I sat next to each other in the hair and makeup trailer. (Actually, she wasn’t really one for sitting, so she paced up and down and around me, occasionally reapplying her already overapplied glitter makeup and feeding Gary, her French bulldog.) Between glitterings, the hairstylist crafted what was to become General Leia’s hairstyle, then it was on to me: little Lieutenant Connix. Funnily enough, my mom had more to say about my hairstyle than her own. Even though she complained for years about how the iconic Leia buns “further widened my already wide face,” she desperately wanted me to carry on the face-widening family tradition! Some people carry on their family name, some people carry on holiday traditions–I was going to carry on the family hairstyle. So after we tested a few other space-appropriate hairstyles, we decided to embrace the weird galactic nepotism of it all and went with the mini–Leia buns. She stood in the mirror behind me and smiled like we had gotten matching tattoos. Our secret-handshake hairstyle. On the first day of this thing I could now call “work,” I walked into the Resistance Base set for rehearsal and J.J. Abrams, the director, told me where to stand and what to do–basically just press some pretty real-looking fake buttons. But I have to say, just pressing those buttons and observing the rest of the scene was one of the most fun things I had ever done. I had no lines in the scene, but my mom kept checking on me like I was delivering a Shakespearean monologue. “Are you O.K.?” she asked. “Do you need anything?” I scoffed at her maternal questions like a child embarrassed by her mother yelling goodbye too loud in a carpool line: “Mommy, go away! I’m fine. Focus on you, not me!” In the moment, I was humiliated that my mom was moming me on my first day of work, on the Star Wars set, of all places. But now I realize she was just being protective. Sets are extremely intimidating–I was too green at the time to know that–and she assumed I would be scared as hell. But weirdly, I wasn’t. At risk of sounding insane, something about this bizarre new world made me feel right at home. I had found a place with an empty puzzle slot that perfectly matched my weird-shaped puzzle piece. That night, on the long London-traffic-filled ride back from set, she turned to me and smiled. “Bits,” she said. “You know, most people aren’t as comfortable on sets as you were today. Especially on the f-cking Star Wars set, of all places!” (Excuse my language, but that was her language.) “This might be something you should think about doing.” At first I laughed, assuming she was kidding. But she continued to look me straight in the eye with no inkling of irony in sight. My mom was telling me I should act–my mom? The lady who spent my entire life convincing me acting was the last thing I should do? It couldn’t be true. But it was. I haven’t had many moments like this in my life–those aha moments everyone talks about. This was my first real one. My mom wanted me to be an actress. That was when I realized I had to give it a shot. She used to sarcastically quip that she knew all along what a massive hit Star Wars would be. As with most things, she was kidding. She was absolutely and totally beyond shocked by the massive global phenomenon that was the first Star Wars trilogy. It changed her life forever. Then, when it happened again almost 40 years later, she was even more absolutely and totally beyond shocked. It changed her life yet again. But that time, it changed my life too. I thought getting to make one Star Wars movie with her was a once-in-a-lifetime thing; then they asked me to come do the next movie and I got to do my once-in-a-lifetime twice. On our second movie together, I really tried to take a step back and appreciate what I was doing. I couldn’t tell her because she’d think I was lame, but getting to watch her be Leia this time made me feel like the proud mom. Watching the original Star Wars movies as a kid in my mom’s bed, I never imagined the lady in the TV would get older and get back in the TV. And I definitely never imagined we would end up in the TV together. But that’s where we ended up. Two little ladies in the TV together–Leia and little Lieutenant Connix. We wrapped The Last Jedi a little less than six months before she died. I went back to L.A. to film the show I was on, and she stayed in London to film the show she was on. One of the last times we spoke on the phone, she talked about how excited she was that the next movie in the trilogy was going to be Leia’s movie. Her movie. She used to say that in the original movies, she got to be “the only girl in an all-boys fantasy.” But with each new Star Wars movie, the all-boys fantasy started to become a boys-and-girls fantasy. She was no longer a part of a fantasy, but the fantasy herself. Leia was not just a sidekick one of the male leads had on his arm, or a damsel in distress. She was the hero herself. The princess became the general. My mom died on Dec. 27, 2016. Two days after Christmas, four days before New Year’s and about a year before she was supposed to appear in her final Star Wars film. Losing my mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I lost my best friend. My little lady in the TV. My Momby. And I inherited this weird, intimidating thing called her legacy. Suddenly I was in charge of what would come of her books, her movies and a bunch of other overwhelming things. I was now the keeper of Leia. About a year later, J.J. called me into his office to talk about the plans for Leia. We both agreed she was too important to be written off in the classic Star Wars introductory scroll. This last movie was supposed to be Leia’s movie, and we wanted it to remain that, as much as possible. What I hadn’t known–and what J.J. told me that day –was that there was footage of my mom that they had collected over the years that hadn’t made it into the movies, footage that J.J. told me would be enough to write an entire movie around. It was like she had left us a gift that would allow Leia’s story to be completed. I was speechless. (Anyone who knows me knows that doesn’t happen very often.) J.J. asked me if I would want to come back as Lieutenant Connix. I knew it would be one of the most painful, difficult things I would ever do, but I said yes for her–for my mom. For Leia. For everyone Leia means so much to. For everyone Leia gives strength to. For my future kids, so someday they’ll have one more movie to watch that Mommy and Grandma were in together. So they can ask me about the lady–now ladies–in the TV and tell me to turn it down because it’s too loud. I grew up with three parents: a mom, a dad and Princess Leia. Initially, Princess Leia was kind of like my stepmom. Now she’s my guardian angel. And I’m her keeper.
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A/N: here’s Part 2/4💘 I told y’all I’m gonna finish this and I will. this short series is NSFW. Enjoy 😭❤️
✨part 1 here✨ | ✨parts 3 & 4 on ao3 only✨
Some would say this was entirely unnecessary, perhaps even a little too casual for work. But you know when you have one of those really good friends you’d do anything for? The kind you’d spend money on without a second thought? That’s how you felt about Suguru. You could call him whenever you wanted and he’d come fix up your car for you, help you lift things, or just lend you his ear. He was an extremely good listener, and he was always there for you. It was hard to believe such a sweet guy could be friends with Satoru. It was also hard to believe how you could ever favor Satoru more.
You were incredibly excited to give Suguru all the things you had gotten him over the weekend. Then, like a raining brick shower, did you remember that he came to your work place, with Satoru, and you anonymously gave him a lap dance. And now, you have to talk to both of them like you weren’t shaking your ass in their faces the night before. Tough.
You questioned all your life decisions as you anxiously dialed Shoko. You told her it was urgent and that you needed help with the gift bags, as well as time for girl talk and morning coffee before work.
When she arrived you graciously hugged her, whining and crying her name as you reached over the arm rest.
“You didn’t tell anyone where I worked at, right?” You say, tear stricken and panicked as you peer at her through wet eyes. She shot you an almost betrayed look. When did you start thinking she could be that menacing?
“No- are you crying? Jesus, what’s gotten into you?” She pushed you away, staring worriedly with baggy under eyes.
“Suguru and Satoru showed up to my other job last night.” You shrieked, leaning against the wheel of your car and burrowing your head in your arms.
“I did have a blindfold on but I don’t know if they knew it was me.” You say, muffling your embarrassment.
Shoko could’ve laughed a bit, picking up her iced coffee.
“You always did talk about giving Satoru the dance of his life to put his pitiful attitude in check.” She said, unpackaging the straw and stabbing the lid.
“Shoko!”
“What? Your words not mine.” She said smugly.
“I mean that’s how I felt but then he actually showed up! And then he gave my co worker his number to give to me! He definitely knows it’s me!”
“Why would he give it to you again on a piece of paper if he knew it was you?” Shoko quizzed.
“To fuck with me, obviously.” You mutter, sinking into the drivers seat. “That’s Satoru shit.”
She swished her coffee around, further mixing her creamer. “That does sound like Satoru behavior.”
“Shoko!” You whined again. “How the heck am I supposed to face him? Not to mention, I got Suguru all this stuff and I was so excited to give it to him. You think he knows too? And what if he didn’t know but Satoru told him? Ugh- my head hurts.” You say, taking up your coffee and plunging the lid with your own straw.
“How good was your blindfold?” She raises a brow at you.
“I looked like Harley Quinn’s knock off stripper sister.” Shoko let a laugh, earning a grunt from you.
“Okay okay, so they probably don’t know. But I would just suck it up and act like you don’t know anything either. Like an ‘I know that you know that I know’ kinda situation? But you’re not gonna do anything about it- kinda thing.”
“And you could always switch jobs if you’re that mortified. Poor Suguru, and his gifts though. It seems like Satoru ruins everything for him.” She sighed.
Shoko had a way of pretending like things weren’t as bad as they were, and though sometimes it bothered you, talking to her helped you relax.
“I forgot to mention I gave Suguru a dance.” You sink more into your chair, covering your face.
“Oh then they definitely know.” She teased.
“Shoko!!!” You whined again.
“I’m kidding! There’s no guarantee that they know or don’t know.” Shoko said, placing her coffee down. “I would fake it until you can’t.”
You wanted to crawl in a hole. Couldn’t you just live a peaceful life?
“I have to move away and change my name, it’s the only way.” You cried.
“Let me help you get the bags,” Shoko said, stepping out the car and ignoring you entirely.
“I was only messing with you, they don’t know a thing. I overheard the two of them inside talking about how nice the place was. They didn’t mention anything in particular while I was clocking in.”
You panicked anyway. Why would they?
“Now up and out, you can’t hide in your car forever.”
You sluggishly climbed out the vehicle and opened your trunk.
“If it makes you feel better I’ll ask them about it for you.” Shoko helped you gather Suguru’s gifts and you went inside.
Just relax, (Name). Be cool, be cool.
You were dazed, deep in thought as you and Shoko walked through the halls. You never regretted giving anyone a lap dance during your entire dancing career. You honestly don’t know what came over you. All you wanted was to make Satoru’s mouth water. It’s not like you didn’t already have his attention with his constant flirting at work but still, why did you have to be so gutsy?
You set the gifts down on your desk, before slumping into your office chair.
“Good morning!” You heard the white haired devil chirp through the door way, knocking ever so lightly on the already opened door. Suguru trailed in quietly behind him, greeting you and Shoko.
“Morning!” Suguru hummed, taking a delicate sip from his coffee.
You shyly waved, before Shoko spoke. “How was your night out?”
Breaking the ice for us all Shoko, I thank the heavens and earth for your existence.
“It was great! Wish you guys could’ve been there. Fanciest club I’ve ever been to, like ever.” Satoru spoke, shoving his hands in his pocket.
“It was cool. I still would’ve rather went to dinner with everyone.” Suguru shrugged, setting his coffee on his desk. You watched Satoru approach your table, quickly changing the subject of conversation.
“What’s all this?” He quizzed, looking down at your sheepish body in your chair. Did they really not know? Or were they possibly pretending not to?
“T-These are gifts, for Suguru,” you stand, feeling a bit more confident. The dark haired male perked up at you, before walking towards your desk.
“I told you not to get me anything,” he sighed. You could see the soft smile edging on his lips as he looked down at you. “And then you spoil me like this? People are gonna think we’re dating, you know?”
You swore you heard Satoru scoff.
“Hush, I told you it’s not a big deal. Besides, you’re always helping me out without asking. You deserve to be spoiled!” You say firmly, hands on your hips. He blushed a bit, realizing he wouldn’t be able to argue with you if he tried.
“You never spoil me this much on my birthday,” Satoru pouted, quickly inserting himself between the two of you, both verbally and physically.
“You’ve got to make your mark on people Satoru,” Shoko said, taking a seat behind her desk.
“I spoil all my friends as needed.” You say, crossing your arms proudly. “If you were a little nicer, maybe I wouldn’t think twice about buying you a bunch of nice things. Besides, your mistresses spoil you plenty.”
“Mistresses? What mistresses? (Name) it hurts my feelings when you talk like that.” Satoru put a hand on his chest, pretending to be offended.
“You have feelings?” Everyone but Satoru said this in unison, resulting the room to fill with heavy laughter.
“Oooo so funny.” He said sarcastically, keeping the straightest face.
“If you’re good to me for the rest of the year I’ll get you something nice.” You say, soothing the wound you all gave him.
“But it’s not your birthday right now, is it?” You say, flipping your hair and shifting behind Suguru. You gave him a little push.
“Go head, open them!” You say excitedly. Suguru lets out a soft laugh, before digging into his bounty.
After watching him open his gifts while Satoru graciously recorded the entire moment for his Instagram, the white haired fiend sparked up an idea.
“So, since Suguru kept saying he wanted to do something with everyone I thought we could take a getaway trip this weekend to my folk’s place in the country side.”
“Just us 4?” Shoko asked. “And are you sure we won’t be bothering your parents?”
“Oh no, this is their vacation house. They only go on the holidays. Also, Nanami is definitely coming!” Satoru cooed.
“That sounds like so much fun!” Shoko swooned.
“I haven’t seen Nanami in so long. This should be exciting.” You clasp your hands together delightedly.
“Why do I get the feeling you didn’t actually ask Nanami if he wanted to come yet...” Geto squinted at Satoru, who smiled childishly.
“Nanami loves me. He is coming by default.” He says proudly. “Speaking of, I have to go meet with him tomorrow to take care of some business. So unfortunately, I won’t be able to train with Megumi. (Name) do you think you could pick him up from school for me tomorrow?”
“The middle schooler you’ve been teaching? Why do I have to do it?” You ask, swaying your hips as you look at him.
“Because~” he sung.
“Because...?”
“He’s been talking about meeting you!” He gleamed.
“Has he really? Are you talking about me behind my back or something? How does the kid even know who I am?”
“Of course! I’ve told him plenty stories about the all powerful (Name)! The mightiest jujutsu sorceress to date.” He was clearly just trying to flatter you.
“Fine, I’ll pick up the kid.” You roll your eyes.
“Yay~” He says, casually hugging you. He always did that, not that you actually minded. And you knew he knew it got to you every time, hearing him smirk as you push him off. You force back a blush as Suguru speaks.
“That didn’t take much convincing,” he smirks with him a bit.
“I just wanted him to stop talking.” You say, grabbing your purse. You could hear Shoko attempting to stifle a laugh behind you.
“Anyways, I’ll see you guys later. I have a class to teach.” You waved goodbye, on your way to cater to the class of second years you were currently responsible for.
You were finally able to relax, feeling like your dancer identity was safe. Now, all you have to do is forget the lap dance and pray to whatever God there is that neither of them would come back. You proceeded to take out your phone and text your club manager, asking for the weekend off. You were lucky she was so lenient.
The work day lasted longer than you’d liked to, and you hadn’t stayed behind to chat with anyone. Shoko knew you were always keen on going home to shower and relax a bit before your shift at the club.
You were in the club locker room, just barely after 10pm. You wanted to ask Tasty for juicy details on Suguru. You were eager to know if he had texted her or had talked of coming back. Fortunately for you at the same time, she was off today. To you, this decreased the likelihood of seeing the dark haired male and his devilish best friend. That is, if he truly liked her enough to come back.
You were wearing a more revealing set this evening- a suede, pink two piece. You made sure your heel straps were tight enough around your ankles before walking out onto the floor to do your first 10 minute set of the evening. You spun on the pole, climbing gracefully. The higher you went, the more dollars being thrown. You slid down the pole, connecting your body to the floor with a split. You crawled lionlike towards the edge the stage, greeting some of your regulars who sat towards the front. Flipping your body, you get up smoothly ending the routine and collecting your bounty.
As you walked down the stage and made your way towards the bar, you could see the silhouette of a tall, white haired male, speaking to the bartender. His body was turned away from you, and he was ordering a drink as if he just got there.
You knew it was him. You could recognize his cocky stance just about anywhere. You dropped to the floor, crawling away and earning stares from plenty of your coworkers and customers alike. Oh I’m definitely quitting, you thought.
You managed to crawl back towards the locker room.
“This cannot become a routine,” you clutched your chest. It felt like you were having another mini heart attack like the night before. Did he just decide this was his new favorite spot? You could’ve sworn you were in the clear. And two days in a row?
He knows, he has to. Should you confront him? Twice was too many times. You almost can picture his smug face out there right now. You’re a bit angry that he had the nerve to come back again, but a portion of you, the little devil inside you- wanted him to watch you dance again.
Then you remembered Shoko’s words. Fake it until you can’t anymore.
If he wanted to play, then you’d give him exactly what he wanted. You opened your locker, fiddling around through your costumes and head coverings. You took hold of the a pink masquerade mask you had left over from a theme night at the club a few weeks ago.
“This should do.” You say, sliding on the seductive looking mask and fixing your hair in the the mirror. You struck a pose, before flipping your hair in satisfaction and strutting out of the room. You walked past a few regulars, and made yourself comfortable by the bar area. You decided you’d dance around everyone but him.
Satoru took note of your scent first, realizing your feminine force was behind him. He sipped his drink before spinning in his barstool to look at you dancing amongst the other customers. He adjusted his sunglasses, taking in the sight of you.
The set you wore was more revealing than the one from yesterday. He felt like he truly missed out the night before as he watched you drag your hand down the chest of a stranger, feeling a bit envious. His length felt tight in his jeans yet again. But he was a smooth guy, he knew exactly how to make you come to him.
You noticed him get up from the bar, walking away from where you danced. You couldn’t help but get distracted and anxious. You didn’t want Satoru anywhere you couldn’t see him. You almost jumped when your club’s bouncer, Ravi, approached you in the middle of your mini lap dance.
“Candy, the tall guy,” he tried not to point, “the white haired one with dark glasses wants a private dance.” Satoru approached the bouncer earlier when he first came in, pre-requesting a dance from you and tipping him a hefty amount for it. Though he’d explained he’d be fine if you declined it, he truly just wanted to see just how far he could get.
You stared at the thick wad of cash that stuck out of the pocket of Ravi’s dress shirt. You knew Satoru had the guts to ask you directly, but it was more so that he was that much of an asshole, who simply wanted you to approach him on your own.
Ravi then pointed loosely with his chin at Satoru, who had been sitting on the sofa on the other side of the club now.
You nodded, assuring Ravi you weren’t going to keep him waiting. You walked slowly towards him, he barely made eye contact with you.
Fake it until you can’t.
“Hey handsome,” you lean over the railing, displaying your breasts right beside him. He perked up a bit, though he briefly watched you walk towards him beforehand. He sparks a grin, and you can see blue orbs peering ever so slightly over the edges of his glasses.
“Hey,” he confidently sits back, not even shy about looking at your breasts.
“Have you been here before?” A classic conversation starter, but were you were attempting to poke fun at the awkward situation.
“Ahh, yes! Ms. Number One, from the private dancer line up. I was here yesterday with my friend.” He took a sip from his glass. “But I don’t expect you to remember. You’re a very busy, and talented woman.”
You bite back a blush, “Thank you.”
“A little birdie told me you wanted a private dance,” you maneuvered around the railing but still leaned against it.
“Oh yeah,” he preferred not to waste time. He pulled a thick and wrapped stack of cash from his shirt and placed it on the table in front of you. You tried your best to keep your eyes from widening. The currency strap read $5000.
“A private dance in the private booth costs a hundred.” You felt inclined to remind him as the both the stack and him stared back at you. “And if you wanted the highest package it’s $500 with champagne and refreshments included for the hour, typically for a group.”
“It says that on your website,” he nods, clearly already knowing the information. You almost squint at him before he speaks again.
“Also, I figured I’d pay you enough to go home for the night if you felt like it.” He shrugged. The Gojo family clearly had it well for him to just toss five thousand dollars at a stranger. You shivered when you remembered counting your earnings from the night before, two thirds of the pile being from Satoru.
A part of you felt like ripping your mask off and asking him to go home. Your awkward silence made him stifle a laugh.
“Candy, baby girl, is somethin’ wrong?”
You knew he knew you were blushing, even with your mask. But you promised yourself one thing after leaving the locker room- you would bring him to his knees. And if he wanted to play, you’d be sure to win.
“Alright hot stuff, come with me.” You used a finger to slide the stack towards you before picking it up.
He grinned at you before you brought him to one of the private rooms. Everything was preset up considering Ravi saw you warming him up prior.
Satoru made himself comfortable in the soft velvet cushions and red lighting. You sat beside him, taking hold of one of the champagne bottles from the ice bucket. You popped it open, causing some of the foam to splatter onto your breasts and stomach.
“Whoops,” you said playfully. You always liked to tease with the exclusive dances. He bites his lip while he watches you fill both of your glasses, taking up one soon after.
“Do you guys have candy here?”
“Only mints by the bar. Did you want something sweet?” That’s so like him, you thought.
“Nah, mints don’t count.” He shook his head. “Chocolate anything?”
“We have chocolate-covered strawberries,” you suggest.
“That’ll do,” he clutches one of the heart shaped pillows, flashing smile.
You rung the bell on the wall, speaking into the microphone beside it to make the request before plopping beside him.
“You’ve got me for the hour,” you leant towards him, crossing your legs. “So let’s make it count.”
“I was hoping we could talk for a bit first,” he said, swishing the liquid in his glass. You almost panicked, but quickly spoke up.
“Sure, whatever you want.” You lean your arm on edge of the couch. It wasn’t uncommon for guys to request dances from you just for you to listen to their qualms for the hour. Although, you never pictured Satoru as the type to do so. Actually scratch that— you settled into the sofa, preparing to hear him ramble on about himself. You made sure to keep eye contact with him, making it known you were indeed listening.
“I got a thing for this girl— she’s amazing. She hates me though. Granted, I’ve been an asshole since high school. I think she’s into my best friend, although he promises me it’s nothing like that.”
“Have you tried flirting with her?” Satoru was infamous for being a casual, serial dater. You wondered who she could be. Just because you were in his inner circle didn’t necessarily mean this girl was you or anyone you might’ve known. But you couldn’t help but put yourself into perspective anyway.
“Yeah, but she’s pretty mean though.” He grinned, “To me.”
“And that makes you happy?” You questioned.
“I mean, obviously it doesn’t.” He clarified, realizing just how crazy he looked in that moment. “Oddly enough, I’d like to think she likes me back a bit.”
“Sounds kiddish right?” He chuckles. “Like is she a middle schooler or something? She’s been playing hard to get for a while now.”
You twitch your eye a bit, was he really that full of himself?
“She probably doesn’t like you. You shouldn’t try to read between the lines. Have you ever asked her directly if she does?” You reason, trying to humble him a bit.
“Nah, I guess I’m just afraid to ask her the right way.” He cocked his head back, earning a confused look from you. You never knew Satoru could be afraid of anything. He was seemingly a fearless person and he was the most powerful jujutsu sorcerer to date.
“Could you elaborate?” You poked.
“She’s the only woman whose ever rejected me. Can you believe that?”
You’re partially amused, these truly were the thoughts in his head— you were sure of it.
“What I mean mostly is that I think she’s an idiot,” he chuckled. You almost broke into laughter.
“For rejecting you?”
“No, no, no— well, maybe. I think she’s incredibly dense. I’ve known her for like 10 years. That or she just tunes out my advances.” He scoffs.
“Everyone else knows it’s obvious I still like her. I think the reason why I’m never direct with my feelings, or the reason I boil it down to casual flirting is because I’m scared of her rejecting me again.”
“The first time was when we were both seniors in high school. She told me to try again after I learned some ‘compassion’. It feels like she’s somewhat interested in me. And I hardly think I need to learn anything— but it’s been years since she said that.” He adds.
He hadn’t looked at you the entire time, sort of ogling at his drink before setting it down.
He was unraveling in front of you, as a complete stranger.
“You get this a lot— the sappy talks, right?”
You nodded, “It’s no big deal.”
“I promise I’m not like this all the time.”
A clearer look inside Satoru’s mind was interesting, to say the least. You don’t think he acted this way on purpose. Perhaps, nothing has pushed him into such a corner for him to begin actively taking people’s feelings into account the way the average person might.
He huffed. “What would you do?”
You pondered for a bit, what would you do? You weren’t sure who the mystery woman he described was but you felt a little jealous, trying to wrap your head around the idea of him being this smitten over someone. He had given you a taste of himself, something he dared not to show you when you weren’t wearing the mask.
“Be direct next time you approach her. Stop playing around so much and tell her how you really feel. Nothing too grand, and try your best to understand her if she rejects you again. You’re a handsome guy, so it won’t be the end of the world if she does.” You explain.
“I don’t mean to sound insensitive by saying that last part either.” You added. Though his head was cocked back, his gaze shifted towards you. He hardly looked worried or sad at all. He shot you a toothy smirk, making you squirm in your seat a bit.
“I know that,” he finally says. There he was again, being his typical arrogant self. “If it doesn’t work out, you’ll see me back here again.”
Dear God, Satoru becoming one of your regulars? You didn’t know if you could handle that. You could just work in a different club. Lord, let this mystery woman scoop him up, and make your life easier.
The thought of him coming regularly just to see you made you happy sort of, but you found yourself getting jealous for the days you wouldn’t work. Suddenly, you didn’t want anyone else dancing for him. It had to be you.
“Woah, you okay?” He tilted his head towards you. You held your cheeks in your hand. If you were a kettle, you’d physically be steaming.
“You’ve got a cute side, Ms. Candy. That’s precious.” He leant forward, glasses sliding down his nose a bit. No matter how long you’ve known him, he would still give you butterflies just like when you were younger.
The server entered the room, placing the strawberries that he ordered onto the table. You watched him take off his shades and hang them on his shirt.
“Fuck yes,” he grinned, picking up one of the chocolate covered fruits. You watched him take a bite, tugging on your own bottom lip. He slid his tongue between two fingers, blue orbs just barely glinting at you. He hummed in delight as you awed at him. Really, everything about him was perfect aside from his flawed personality. You would’ve been dating him already if you felt he’d be a good boyfriend. He was obviously and unfairly attractive. You were positive the sex would be good too, considering you heard more than satisfactory things. He was tall, and wealthy, and strong and talented. He was just a shitty person sometimes.
Somehow you liked him all this time, he’s been the only man whose kept your interest. That’s partially because he was persistent, in the most attractive and appealing way. But you’re adults now, maybe you should stop playing around so much.
Did you even have time to change your mind with this mystery girl in the way?
“I think I’m ready for my dance now,” he said smugly, breaking you out of your thoughts.
“Of course baby. Just sit back and relax.” You had to remind yourself, you’re Candy right now, and not (Name).
He sunk back into the sofa, spreading his legs as you got up and positioned yourself in front of him. He spreads his long arms on the head of the sofa, slight smile leaking at the corners of his lips.
You swayed your body, giving him a show. It was finally happening. You were giving him the very thing you fantasized about since you started dancing. You climbed onto his lap, grinding against him as the music played in tandem with your hips. He seemed elated, and not even remotely ashamed of the growing bulge in his jeans. You were feeling antsy, watching him with his arms sprawled out like that.
“I don’t normally let people touch me during my dances, but you can if you want.” You weren’t supposed to sound so shy when you said it.
“You’re being extremely generous, I’ll tip you again, for sure baby.”
You felt his large, hot hands connect with your back, running down the smooth skin. You smiled smugly, looking down at him. You grinded against him some more, feeling his bulge confidently poke against your sex.
All you ever wanted was for him to touch you like this. You were mad at yourself for holding out this long— why did his hands feel so good against your bare skin?
Possibly just because you liked him, and that amplified the experience.
Lost in the moment, you felt your hands run through the smooth fade of his undercut while you humped his lap. The amount of stimulation this gave the both of you was astounding. You heard a soft groan leave his lips, rising color out of your cheeks.
You brought a finger to the string of your outfits top, pulling it undone and gracing him with the sight of your breasts as you tossed the fabric on the sofa. He was sort of surprised, but his facial expression was nothing short of cocky. It wasn’t the first time a stranger stripped top-less for him, and coincidentally, making panties drop was his hobby.
“Oh~?”
His voice was terrifically deep, you never knew he could drop an octave this low. You’d usually be talking up a storm, doting on your customers with compliments and saying appropriately reassuring things. The entire experience was weird, having your childhood crush grope you and nuzzle his face into your breasts hadn’t been on your to do list for the evening.
He hummed against the skin in the center of your chest, sending vibrations up your spine.
“I know I’m pushing it, considering this is nothing but a service agreement, but I’d be happy to make you feel good— if you want me to, that is.”
You looked down at him, knowing the mask you wore couldn’t save you from him noticing the blushing look on your face.
“Just what do you take me for?” You’re being playful about it, wrapping your arms around his neck so he knows you’re not offended.
“A hard working woman. I envy the man who gets to spoil you.”
You couldn’t think of a response, and you assumed he caught on due to the way your lips parted and no sound emerged.
“Ohh-hoh??? There isn’t one, is there?”
He stole the show from you, and now you’re sitting in his lap like some sort of blushing sheep.
“That makes me feel sort of special,” he purred, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. You let out a dainty moan, grinding harder against him. You were no longer grinding along with the music, just finding a rhythm that would satisfy the both of you. He grunted at your sudden change in pace, his searing hot breath against your skin.
“Is that a yes?” He asked, nipple between his teeth.
“What about the girl you like?” You found yourself regretting even saying that, considering you were supposed to be a neutral party.
“You jealous?”
You suck in your bottom lip, barely forming a pout. He truly was an asshole to everyone. It didn’t even matter if someone was on top of him. Before you’re able to say anything, he speaks again.
“Don’t be.” He pressed a sweet kiss to the center of your chest, heightening the crimson hues on your cheeks. His soft lips unfortunately tore from your body when his phone rang. He slipped the thing from his jacket pocket, answering the call.
“Alright, I’ll be there in 30.” He said finally after following subsequent huffs. He ended the call, looking back up at you with apologetic eyes.
“I’ve gotta cut this short,” he was pained to say it. He was having too much fun.
“That’s alright.” You say, sliding your leg off him and finding your top.
He stood, straightening his clothes whilst muttering what you barely made out as ‘fuckin’ Nanami’ through his teeth. You almost laughed, as you tied your top back on.
“Candy, baby, I’m sorry. Guess I’ll have to come back again.” He looked too happy to say it.
“Before your confession?” You say smugly. “Or after?”
“No no, I’m a man of my word. I’ll come back only under those conditions I mentioned.” He says.
“I wish you the best of luck.” You say, crossing your legs.
“You’re rooting for me? You really don’t wanna see me again.” He chuckled as he towered over you, his blue gaze now covered by his glasses again.
“I’m always rooting for my customers.” You smile slyly.
His grin softened, and you wish you knew why he was looking at you like that.
“See you around, Ms. Candy.”
He waved goodbye as he exited the room, finally allowing you a some relief. Hopefully this chick doesn’t reject him, you thought.
Even though he probably wouldn’t come back, you thought about quitting and working elsewhere anyway. You tore off your mask, pushing your hair back out of your face.
You really didn’t want to have to wear one of these again.
#gojo satoru#gojo smut#gojo satoru x reader#jjk smut#jjk fluff#jjk fanfic#Jujutsu Kaisen#jjk gojo#lil bit if suguru in here#geto suguru#getou suguru x reader#getou suguru#getou fluff#jjk x reader
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So there’s a bit of dialogue I’d never heard from Nick before. We were just strolling through Boston and he goes “Y’know, it’s too bad you aren’t a synth. Then we could do this till Judgement Day- although I think that happened a while back.” Think you could do a one-shot where Nora finds out she’s a synth when she visits the Institute, and Nick’s subsequent reaction(s)?
Aww!!! 🥺💙💛 I’m not sure I’ve heard this dialogue before, but for some reason it’s familiar to me. Maybe I’ve watched a playthrough or listened to a audio file with it, lol.
I hope you enjoy! I threw 10 times more angst than was necessary, but maybe you’ll still like it??? 😅😅😅💙💛💙💛💙💛
Word Count: 1097
“Nick…. All of my life… It was… It was fake. Everything I remembered. My son… My husband… It was all a lie,” Nora brokenly admitted to him, hugging herself as she rested her head against his shoulder. He kindly patted her knee, squeezing gently in that fatherly manner that came so naturally to him.
Nick sighed slightly, his lips a thin line as he furrowed his brow. He knew how hard this must be for her. He knew it must have been torture to find out that everything you know to be true in your life was just a constructed memory by some group of people that want to play God.
She had just come home from the Institute several days ago. Nick had headed to Sanctuary as soon as he heard, and from what Piper had told him, Nora was an absolutely enormous mess the first day and still was not doing well at all. So he had asked her to go for a walk with him, and they had ended up sitting on the embankment near the creek that ran nearby Sanctuary.
It was there that they began this conversation.
“I’m sorry,” he finally expressed to her gently, his voice quiet as it rumbled in his vocal processor. She removed an arm from around herself and looped it in his softly, making a small negatory hum.
“It’s not your fault… You’re the last person to blame for any of this. It’s the Institute’s fault. I was a toy… An experiment for their own sick enjoyment,” her voice cracked with the last statement, and he could practically feel the oncoming tears that were threatening to take hold of her.
“I buried Nate, Nick… I remember it. I buried him, didn’t I?” Nora questioned, a bit of hysteria creeping in at the edges of her words.
“You buried him, yes,” Nick acknowledged, well-remembering the day that they buried Nate. They also buried many of the other vault-dwellers since Nora felt she owed it to them as the only survivor of the vault.
“Who… who did I really bury? Who was that man?” Nora questioned, her tone quite shaky, and Nick shook his head, not sure how to make this situation any better.
“I don’t know… Maybe he really was Shaun’s father?” Nick suggested, and Nora shuddered a little, pressing her cheek a bit harder against Nick’s shoulder.
“Maybe… I guess the poor man deserved to rest. It’s absolutely horrible that I took his wedding ring from him. He wasn’t my husband, and it wasn’t right for me to take something to remember him by when it’s really his reminder of his actual for real wife. Now he’s not only rolling in the grave from his son, but he’s also had one of his most important possessions taken away, too,” Nora told him dejectedly.
“It wasn’t horrible… If it makes you feel any better, we could go bury it just on top of his grave. That way it’ll be there with him forever,” Nick tried to reassure, desperately attempting to think of something that might make her feel at least a little better about the whole thing.
“I just… Can’t believe it’s all fake,” Nora expressed, and Nick glanced in her direction, noticing that there were indeed tears flowing down her cheeks at this point. He moved his arm from her grasp and placed it so that it encircled her shoulders, letting her hug him from the side as he held her gently.
She silently cried, her shoulders shaking every once in a while as she tried to hold herself together while failing miserably. Nick just let her cry, knowing that sometimes people just needed to have a good release of emotions.
After a while, she finally pulled herself together, sniffling a bit still and pressing her face to his chest as she closed her eyes tightly. Nick just squeezed her shoulder, rubbing her arm gently as he tried to reassure her.
Once several beats had passed, Nora suddenly spoke up, her voice rough and hoarse from the tears.
“Do you remember when you said you wished I was a synth, too…?” Nick immediately quieted, immediately knowing where she was going with this. It filled him with dread, and if he were human, he would be feeling quite sick at this moment.
“We were in south Boston,” she reminded him, and he realized that he had yet to respond to her question.
“Yeah,” Nick trailed off, trying to let her finish her thought. He tried to keep his face as neutral as possible.
When he had told her that he wished she was a synth alongside him, he had meant he wished she was a prototype like him. It had never been confirmed that third gen synths lived forever. In fact, from what Nick had learned out in the Commonwealth, the only third gens that seemed to be programmed to live forever were the coursers.
Which really made this entire conversation infinitely more heartbreaking for him.
“I guess…Well… Does this mean we’ll be together forever?” Nora questioned, and her voice was so sweetly hopeful that he could not bring himself to crush her hopes and dreams. She was such a wonderful friend to him, and he cared for her like family.
“I guess you’ll be stuck with this ugly mug for a while longer,” Nick replied in his typical self-deprecating manner, avoiding telling her an outright lie but avoiding the entire truth as well. She seemed to be satisfied with this, and a bit of peace came over her as she wiped at her eyes and just hugged him carefully.
“That’s… That’s really comforting, Nick. I’m really glad I won’t lose you,” Nora spoke, her voice growing quite solemn as her mind no doubt started to wander to her other friends that were not synths.
“You’ll always have me, kid,” Nick replied to her with confidence, his words full of nothing but the truth at this point. He would never leave her, and even when her time comes, he planned to be there until the bitter end.
She then smiled at him for the first time since he had arrived there in Sanctuary, the smile itself a ghost of her usual bright, loving grin that she bestowed upon her favorite people in the world. He felt himself filling with a combination of affection and guilt.
He would tell her when the time came. There was no reason to hurt her any more than she already was now.
He just wished she could be right about the whole thing.
#valentine#nick valentine#fallout#fo4#fallout 4#nora#female sole survivor#sole survivor#f!sole#f!ss#nora hale#drabble#oneshot#fallout fanfic#fallout fic#fallout drabble#fallout 4 drabble#fallout 4 fic#fallout 4 fanfic#fic#fanfic#fanfiction#fiction#angst#sad
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