#But I’m also not sorry mwahahahah

[wavewavethoughtsonly]

WaveWave ft Babywaves!

Jammer (formerly Radiowave) and Microwave (c) @chamm0y (I may or may not have added this adorable family on The Sims 4 along with Ravage, Rumble and Frenzy)

[wonustars]

JESS OH MY GOSH YOUVE DONE IT AGAIN… CONSTATLY RAISING THE BAR FOR US ALL. TALENTED. BRILLIANT. INCREDIBLE. AMAZING. SHOWSTOPPING. SPECTACULAR. NEVER THE SAME. I LOVEDDDDDDDDD THIS SO MUCH . IM SPEECHLESS!!!!

not according to plan | hjs

summary: your ex-fiance is getting married and everyone you know is going to be there. when he calls to ask if you're coming, you accidentally mention a boyfriend. which would be fine, if you weren't very single. thankfully your best friend comes through with the perfect solution when he sets you up with a friend of his. what could possibly go wrong?

pairing: joshua x f.reader genre: fake dating, strangers to friends to ?? | fluff, slight angst, smut rating: explicit, minors DNI word count: ~22.1k notes/warnings: johnny suh as the ex-fiancee (sorry, he's not great in this), other idols born in '95 used as background characters, mentions of past cheating, food & alcohol, lots of "dates", reader is referenced as coming from a rich family, mention of being an escort (minus the sex?) smut warnings: making out, multiple smut scenes (kind of, it could be a continuation), multiple orgasms, teasing, they're both v obsessed with each other's bodies, protected sex, fingering, nipple play, oral sex (f. receiving), scratching/marking, squirting, overstimulation, use of lube, i think that's it (but let me know if it's not)

author's note: this fic is dedicated to the lovely @shuadotcom, i'm so sorry it took me literal months to finish fake dating!joshua but here we are anyway. i'm not sure how this one got so away from me either lmao. banner credit to the beautiful @wongyuseokie who (again) did this very last minute. thank you to @wonwussy & @kwanisms for the mid-fic beta. thank you to @wooahaeproductions, @horanghater, @cheolism, & @hannieween for listening to me talk about this and helping with things like petnames & dates.

taglist at the end (& join my permanent taglist here)

“It’s fine, it’s been years and I’m over it. Plus, I’ve been seeing someone anyway and he’s great. So I wasn’t ignoring your invite,” you say without a second thought. 

It’s just a stream of consciousness. The lie comes flying out of your mouth faster than your brain can process it. That’s exactly what it is, too. A lie. You’re not seeing anyone and haven’t been in a serious relationship since the person on the other end of the call broke your heart. 

“Oh, wow, sorry, I didn’t mean to…well, I didn’t know. My mom didn’t say anything when she said she had spoken to your mom about whether or not you were coming to the wedding,” Johnny says with a little bit of ramble. 

“You know how my mom can be, I haven’t had the chance to tell her yet,” you deflect. 

“I’m happy for you, then,” Johnny says. 

“Thanks, I’m happy for you, too,” you force out. Somehow, it doesn’t sound like the lie you know that it is.

“So, it’s not weird, then? I mean our moms are best friends, so the rest of your family is all going to be there. A lot of your friends will be there. I know you haven’t RSVP’d yet, but…” Johnny starts.

“Nope! Not weird at all,” you utter, hoping that your voice sounds even. “It’d be weirder if I wasn’t there, right?” 

“Probably, yeah,” Johnny says. “That’s great, though. Do you want me to mark you down as a yes? I can even add a plus-one, if you want to bring your partner.” 

“That’s so thoughtful, but I wouldn’t want to put you out. I know how expensive weddings can be,” you say and try to sound sincere.

“No, it’s no issue, actually. We have a few extra seats that we left just in case we forgot someone or didn’t know about someone’s partner,” Johnny presses. “So we’ll see you both there?”

“Yeah, you will,” you hurry out. This conversation needs to be over. 

It’s only an hour after hanging up with your ex-fiancee that your mom calls to tell you she can’t believe she had to hear it from Mrs. Suh that you’re dating someone. Which includes a whole lot of deflecting and promises about when she can meet this mystery man. Another twenty minutes after you hang up with your mom, you get a pointed text from your younger sister. The two of you haven’t ever been all that close, so she shouldn’t be surprised that you haven’t mentioned him. She made her side pretty clear when she maintained her friendship with Johnny’s new fiancée. That new fiancee, a close friend of your sisters, also just so happened to be the girl he cheated on you with. So, she can hardly expect to have a close sister bond. Yet, she seems oddly suspicious that she didn’t know you were seeing someone seriously. 

Your quiet Saturday afternoon turns into a full blown headache all thanks to one call from the asshole that you really thought you left in the past. Of course, now is the perfect time for him to pop back up. Now, when you’re even between any sort of casual sex. Now, when you don’t even have someone that you can call up to pretend to date you. This is going to be one of the worst calls that you have to make when you have to admit you made it all up, that you will absolutely not be showing your face at the wedding, and you will also be changing your name before moving away.

For now, you do the only thing that you can think of doing. You call the only person that can give you any perspective on this whole fucking disaster. 

“Well hello,” your best friend answers. 

“Jeonghan, I fucked up,” you say without preamble. 

“This is gonna be good,” he responds. 

“I just got off the phone with my mom,” you begin.

“What did she want?” he asks, knowing that it won’t be anything good.

“Well, you know, to talk about this new boyfriend of mine,” you continue.

“You haven’t dated anyone in forever,” Jeonghan chuckles. 

“Thank you for that,” you snark. “And then, of course, I get a text from my perfect sister wondering why she’s also just hearing about this boyfriend of mine.” 

“Why do your sister and your mom think you’re dating someone?” Jeonghan asks.

“Oh, well, you know. Johnny called today,” you offer.

“Fuck that guy,” Jeonghan interjects.

“He wanted to know why I hadn’t responded to his wedding invite and assumed it was awkward because I was single, so I told him I was seeing someone,” you finally finish.

“For fuck’s sake,” Jeonghan says into the silence and you can imagine his face.

“Right? My life is a fucking mess and now Johnny thinks that I’m bringing my boyfriend,” you groan.

“I’ll start planning the story for why you suddenly left town,” Jeonghan says. 

“For real, my life is over,” you whine.

“What are you gonna do?” Jeonghan asks softly. 

This is really why you called him. Jeonghan is a shithead, sometimes, and he can be a bit of a chaos demon. He also can be a bit of a schemer, especially when it comes to winning a game. But, he’s unfailingly kind and caring to the people he holds dear. He absolutely hates getting into any kind of real conflict with his friends. There’s that whole side to him that honestly wouldn’t hurt a fly and always has a way to comfort. That’s the side that you get now. 

“I don’t know,” you answer, voice just as quiet. “I’m just…I don’t want to let him win, you know?”

And Jeonghan does know. You’ve been friends since before you started dating Johnny. Even though he never liked him, Jeonghan supported you in your relationship. When Johnny proposed, he called your other friends and set up the best engagement party anyone could ask for. From the outside, nobody would ever know that he hated your partner. Honestly, he’s the best friend anyone in the world could ask for. 

Before he got around to setting up the bridal shower, which he’d been quietly planning for months, your whole world turned upside down. Johnny cheated, had been cheating awhile, actually, and Jeonghan was there to pick up the pieces. Somehow, he was the only one that seemed to make it better, probably because he didn’t want to act like things were okay when they weren’t. It was easy to cry in front of him, easy to be vulnerable, easy to just let the process play out so you could heal. Even though he never liked Johnny, he also didn’t say he told you so. This had never been something that crossed his mind. 

“Okay, you’re gonna hate it, but I have an idea,” Jeonghan says.

“Those are never comforting words coming from you,” slips out of your mouth.

“Usually I’d yell at you, but…” he trails off. 

“I swear, if you’re about to say that we pretend to be dating like some romcom, I will hang up the phone,” you warn.

“First of all, that’s rude, I’m a great boyfriend,” Jeonghan says. 

“I never said you weren’t, Hannie, you know I think you’re gorgeous,” you sigh. 

“That’s true, I am,” Jeonghan says through a laugh.

“But, I also know you remember what an unmitigated disaster it was when we fucked,” you point out, earning an even louder laugh. 

“Wow, and here I thought that it was actually great sex,” he says. 

“I’m not gonna keep stroking your ego, I already admitted you were gorgeous. I don’t need to praise the sex, too,” you declare.

“Stroking my…come on, you’re making it too easy,” Jeonghan points out.

“Funny, because I remember you being the easy one that night,” you say, finally managing to get a shot in.

“I hate you,” Jeonghan snorts. 

“I know,” you answer. “Didn’t you say that you had an idea?” 

Jeonghan clears his throat. “Right, yeah. Well, I know this guy and maybe he can help you out.” 

“What is he, an escort?” you snort out.

“Do you want my help or not?” Jeonghan asks.

“Yoon Jeonghan, are you about to set me up with an escort?” you challenge.

“No, of course not, just trust me,” he says.

Just trust me might be the three most terrifying words that could come out of Jeonghan’s mouth, especially when you’re not usually on the receiving end of his schemes. It’s not like you have much choice, though. The wedding is in six weeks and you have to find a solution, fast. So, what choice do you have other than trusting your best friend? How could this go wrong? 

You still think this is a terrible idea, yet agree to meet Jeonghan’s friend, Joshua, anyway. Apparently, he’s somewhat new to the area, doesn’t know many people, and is incredibly easy to be around. There’s no mention of why Jeonghan thinks he might be willing to pretend to be your boyfriend. A part of you wonders if your friend even told him, but he’s not that cruel. So, whatever the case, Joshua must at least have some idea of what he’s walking into. 

Several days pass between the nightmare of a call from Johnny and you actually meeting Joshua, which only adds to your anxiety about whether or not this is going to work. Johnny is asking for a name for the seating chart and for dinner selections. Your mom wants to know when they’ll be able to meet this new boyfriend before the wedding (because “meeting him for the first time at a wedding is gauche” and we wouldn’t want that). Your sister is convinced that he doesn’t actually exist since you haven’t posted him on social media. That you can at least answer to say that not everyone posts their entire life online like she does. It doesn’t seem to allay her suspicions, though. 

Then, there’s the fact that you’re actually meeting Joshua for the first time at dinner. All you wanted was to go for coffee, yet he insisted. You couldn’t exactly press the point. Not when you’re planning to ask this stranger to pretend to date you just so that you can avoid the embarrassment at your ex’s wedding. On top of that, because Jeonghan really is a demon at his core, you don’t know what Joshua looks like. Don’t know who to look for. Which leads to you doing the only sensible thing and showing up 5 minutes late for dinner, hoping that he’ll already be at the table when you get there.

It works.

When you give the reservation name at the host stand, you’re immediately led back to a table. Without even thinking about it, you smooth your hands down the front of your dress, looking for a small amount of comfort in this situation. It’s not even that you struggle around new people, this is just…well, it’s a lot. It’s out of anyone’s comfort zone. Whatever you’re expecting, it’s not the man sitting at the table the host leads you to. He nearly stops you in your tracks. 

His black hair is perfectly styled down to the pieces on one side that come down over his forehead. The black dress shirt he wears is open at least one button too many, but he makes the exposed chest look work in a way models would envy. Even though his pants are black as well, he makes it look classic and effortless, rather than too dark. That’s all without even acknowledging the soft smile on his face. This man would break a thousand hearts without even saying a damn word. While you’re appreciating him, you miss the way his eyes rake over you appreciatively. Miss the way his eyes trace your curves and the way the dress clings to you. 

In one fluid motion, he’s standing up to greet you, a gentle kiss placed on your cheek. Is it weird if your knees are a little weak? Well, even if it is, there’s nothing you can do. You’re completely captivated. 

“You must be Joshua,” you say. Brilliant, you think. That’s obvious.

“It’s nice to meet you. Jeonghan had nothing but good things to say,” he answers with another smile as he pulls your seat out for you. 

“I feel like he hardly told me about you,” you respond. Joshua raises a perfect eyebrow at that.

“Then why did you agree to go out with me?” Joshua asks. 

“Go out with…is this a date?” The question comes tumbling out. 

Joshua’s eyes widen in genuine confusion. “Is it not?” 

“What, exactly, did Jeonghan say to you?” 

A lot and nothing at all, it turns out. Joshua tells you about how he’s somewhat new to the area, which you knew. About how he met Jeonghan through work, kind of. They work in the same building doing very different things and happened to run into each other getting coffee a handful of times before Jeonghan introduced himself. The two had hung out several times, something Jeonghan had not really mentioned, and gotten to know each other over drinks more than once. The very first time, Jeonghan had mentioned you and Joshua admits immediately being intrigued without pressing for more information. 

In any case, Jeonghan talked about you pretty freely, a fact that’s hardly surprising. Before Joshua texted you, Jeonghan had mentioned, in what Joshua calls an offhand way, that you were sick of dating the same people. According to Joshua, through Jeonghan, you were looking to possibly be set up. (Read: Jeonghan thinks he’s crafty and isn’t going to come out and tell this man what you’re really looking for. Typical Jeonghan, honestly. You know that “offhand comment” was anything but. And you had the audacity to think Jeonghan would have to tell Joshua what he’s getting into. Rookie move.)

Now you’re in a bit of an awkward situation because this man is honestly gorgeous, one of the prettiest humans you’ve ever met. And, already, he seems like he might be sweet with a pretty good sense of humor. It’s just…well, you’re absolutely not looking for a relationship and this is the last person you want to get involved in your mess. Thankfully, you get a moment to catch your breath when someone comes by to take a drink order and suggest an appetizer. It’s just enough time for you to talk yourself into telling Joshua the real story.

To his credit, he only looks mildly surprised as you outline your whole situation, inform him that yes, Jeonghan does know all of this, and clarify why you didn’t actually realize it was a date. It’s hard to miss the way his eyes seem to sparkle a bit when you also admit that he’s absolutely stunning in a way that hurts your feelings. Easier to miss is the way his face barely falls when you say that you’re not actually looking for something right now. Interesting. 

“So that’s the whole thing and now that I’ve embarrassed myself in front of you, I’m sure you’ll understand if we never see each other after tonight,” you finish.

“How am I supposed to go to a wedding as your boyfriend in a matter of weeks if we don’t see each other after tonight?” Joshua wonders.

“I…what?” you sputter out. 

“Well, sure, we need to work out a few details, but I’m game,” Joshua says with a shrug.

“I’m sorry, I think I’m just really confused?” You don’t even have food yet and this is already the most interesting date you’ve been on, possibly ever. 

“I, uh, may have left a part of my past out when I was sharing what Jeonghan knew about me,” Joshua says. “And honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t catch it or that he did this. I’d be mad if I wasn’t so impressed by how crafty it was.” 

“I’m going to need you to connect some dots for me,” you admit. “Oh and also never tell Jeonghan you appreciate him being crafty. His ego is too big as it is.”

“The first time Jeonghan and I hung out, we went out for drinks, got a little wasted, and I told him about how I got through my university studies without any debts,” Joshua says, pausing long enough for someone to set the appetizer down. “He’s observant, Jeonghan, I’ll give him that. He noticed I had designer clothes, shoes, that kind of thing. And he noticed I didn’t pay attention to the prices of the drinks. So I made a vague comment about being lucky to have found a way through my studies without taking out loans.”

“I’m sure he asked you about that, he loves it when he thinks there’s a scheme,” you note with a smile.

“You’re right about that,” Joshua agrees. “So I, well I told him. When I was in school, I met this woman out one night and she paid me to go to events with her. She wanted, and these were her words, ‘someone young and hot’ with her. And the next four years, that’s what I did. I let people pay for me to go to events with them. Never more than that. I was clear that I wasn’t selling sex or anything, just company.” 

You lean back in your seat with an appraising look. “An entrepreneur from the beginning.” 

“Hey, no judgment,” Joshua says. All you can do is smile.

“I’m not judging, that was really smart and you’re obviously attractive enough for it,” you acknowledge.

“Thank you,” Joshua says. It doesn’t have the air of cockiness Jeonghan’s answer would. He actually seems sincere in accepting the compliment. 

“But, I’m still not going to pay you to pretend to be my boyfriend,” you say, even if it’s a bit reluctant. 

“I wasn’t asking you to,” Joshua shrugs. “You don’t have to pay me.”

“Why would you offer to pretend to do something like this? You don’t even know me,” you point out.

“No, I don’t. But, you seem like a good person. And I like Jeonghan, he’s nice…” Joshua says, stopping when you try to cover a scoff. 

“Nice?” you question when you’re caught.

“Wrong word choice,” Joshua dismisses. “He seems like the kind of person that’s a loyal friend, like he would go into battle to protect you. Like someone you can actually trust.”

“He is all of those things, yeah,” you admit.

“And if those things are true, then him holding you out as his best friend means you’re probably all of those things too,” Joshua reasons. 

“I try to be,” you agree. 

“Plus, Jeonghan did mention you had seriously dated someone that was pretty rich, so I figure it’s probably the guy getting married and it’ll be a nice wedding,” Joshua says with a smile. The joke is obvious by the look in his eyes.

“It’s interesting that he mentioned Johnny, that’s my ex, being rich,” you idly comment.

“Is he not?” Joshua wonders.

“Jeonghan is a lot of things, but he’d never lie to his friends,” you answer first. “So, yeah, he is. Well, his family is at least. His mom and mine run a lot of events together, like galas and shit. That’s how we all know each other.”

“Are you rich, too?” Joshua wonders. There’s that little twinkle of something in his eyes again, but there’s also sincerity.

“I’m still not paying you,” you retort.

“Fine,” Joshua agrees. 

You roll your eyes. “Okay, so what’s the plan?” 

There’s a weird world’s colliding feeling to having both Jeonghan and Joshua in your apartment. But, Jeonghan doesn’t like to be left out of things. Once you told him that you and Joshua both knew about his scheming, he offered to help in any way he could. Which is likely just so he’s included. You’ll take what you can get. Now, it means that he and Joshua are sitting on your couch, scrolling through pictures on Joshua’s phone to decide what to include in an instagram post. That’s the first step you and Joshua agreed on. If you’re going to sell this whole fake relationship, then your sister actually is right. There has to be some sort of proof of it online. Which also means that your post has to talk about how you’ve been keeping it quiet and just enjoying getting to know each other without any pressure. Jeonghan takes credit for that, even if you got there on your own. 

“I think I like this one,” Jeonghan says and turns the phone around to show you. 

“Why that one?” you ask. 

“Why not? Don’t you like it?” Joshua worries.

“I don’t know, I feel like my hand is doing something weird,” you point out.

“You look great,” Joshua assures you.

“Oh, ew, you’re not really dating,” Jeonghan complains. 

“You do know you’re going to have to stop saying that, right?” you ask.

“Maybe I didn’t know either,” Jeonghan shrugs.

“No, I’m with her, you’re her best friend and you definitely would’ve known,” Joshua agrees. 

“Why are you on her side already?” Jeonghan whines.

“Because she’s cool and she’s not the one who knew what I did in college and set me up,” Joshua says with a laugh. 

This is how it’s been going for the last hour. You’re not really much for putting a lot of effort into your posts, so this all feels like too much. But, you know that it’s important for it to feel real and it’s important to get it right. You’re honestly pretty happy to just let the guys take the lead and go with the flow of it all. There are going to be plenty of opportunities for you to take the lead. You’re going to take your breaks where you can. 

(That had also meant not putting up too much of a fight when Jeonghan told you to bring multiple outfits with you. Or when you had to change your hairstyle and makeup between the photos so it looked like they hadn’t all been taken the same day. Honestly, this was so much easier for Joshua. Then again, he’s the one doing you a favor. So maybe you can let him have it.)

After you finally get your couple pictures posted, and get a flurry of messages ranging from surprise to congratulations, you move onto preparing Joshua to meet your parents, your sister, and her husband. Jeonghan is actually a lot of help with that because he’s been around them a lot. Well, he’s helpful after he tries to scare Joshua about how intimidating it’s going to be only to give up when Joshua is unbothered. He’s so calm about everything that it’s actually kind of nice to be around. And he has no problem firing back at Jeonghan, which is really fun to watch. 

You go through what your parents are like, what they do both for work and as hobbies. Joshua perks up at the mention of your dad loving music and sometimes spending his weekends just exploring new venues. It seems like there might be more to that, though you don’t press when he waves it off. It’s different when you talk about your sister, two years younger and already married. Not that you’re dying to be married or even care that she got married before you. That’s always seemed like a weird societal expectation, anyway. What does it matter when anyone gets married? If it’s their right person, then it makes sense. You being upset over your failed engagement really doesn’t have anything to do with your sister’s marriage, despite her instance it does. 

It becomes obvious that you’re losing Jeonghan’s attention when you turn down his request to start playing games or watch a movie. It’s not that you don’t want to do those things, it’s just that you have a lot to cover in far less time than you realized. Sure, the wedding is still weeks away. What’s not weeks away is your first dinner with your family. That’s going to be around the corner. The least you could do, you figured, was plan a time before posting pictures on instagram. So, Jeonghan asks if it’s okay to leave and you almost sigh in relief. This will be easier without an extra person.

“Not to pry, but what’s the deal with you and Jeonghan?” Joshua asks when you settle back on the couch with a glass of wine. 

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“I don’t know, I feel like I was picking up on something,” Joshua shrugs.

“We’re really just friends,” you assure him.

“Sometimes those are the best…” Joshua starts.

“Don’t,” you cut off. He worries for a second before he realizes you’re smiling. “We did try. Not so much a try, I guess, but we slept together maybe 6 months after Johnny and I broke it off and it just wasn’t it.” 

“You and him slept together?” Joshua questions.

“Is that weird for you?” you ask.

“No, it’s just interesting that you’re still so close,” Joshua observes.

“I guess,” you say with a shrug. “He’s great, obviously attractive, but we just, I don’t know. I didn’t feel anything. Neither did he. So, staying friends seemed like the right choice.”

“Interesting,” is all Joshua says. “Have you dated anyone seriously since Johnny?” 

“Not that seriously, no,” you admit. “I’ve gone on dates with different people and some of them stuck around for a bit, but nothing serious.” 

“Not finding the right people?” Joshua presses.

“I just haven’t found anyone that made me feel like Johnny did at the beginning or even like I did when he proposed,” you say. 

“I can understand that, even if I don’t really get it. You’re gorgeous, anyone would be lucky,” he says smoothly. You cover a blush with a slight eye roll. 

“I guess that’s why most of my close friends will also believe that I kept a new relationship on the low. They saw me post-Johnny and have seen me try to date,” you share.

“Yeah that’s good for us, at least,” Joshua agrees.

“What about you, though? When was your last relationship?” you ask.

“Ah, well it’s been a little over a year,” Joshua says. 

“Bad ending?” you wonder. You’re not sure why you press him on it.

“It wasn’t great,” Joshua says with a chuckle. “She, uh, well she decided that she just really would rather be with one of my friends than with me.”

“I’m so sorry you went through that,” you say, suddenly sorry.

“No, no, it’s fine,” he says. “She didn’t actually cheat on me, but she had started getting close to him and sharing everything with him.”

“Arguably worse, in my opinion. Emotional cheating is still a thing,” you say, trying to offer comfort. 

“Thank you,” Joshua says. His eyes are soft and full of care. “And, like you, I have dated since then, just nothing worth talking about.” 

It’s an easy transition from that into talking about your backgrounds. Like speed dating, except somehow more intense. You learn Joshua’s birthday, his parents names, that he’s an only child, and where he grew up. Nothing is too small and you joke about taking notes before you actually go to get a notebook. Joshua tells you his favorite color and his favorite food, tells you about his favorite memories, favorite places where he grew up, and favorite places he’s found since moving here. There’s a way that his face lights up when he talks about his friends that’s drawing you in. You tell him the same. That all feels a little surface level, which you point out. If this is going to work, it has to be deeper, more serious. 

That’s when something seems to almost break down. Joshua suggests that you tell each other the deep stuff, the things that you don’t always admit to someone you’re dating. Or, maybe you admit it and don’t get into the reasons why. When Joshua goes first and admits that he’s happiest when he’s playing his guitar, even if nobody else is listening, his whole face changes. It’s like a completely different version of him. He’s got an open face as it is, that hasn’t changed, but you realize maybe he’s a little guarded behind the smile as well. Maybe there really is more depth than he wants anyone to realize. Maybe this is going to be more interesting than you thought.

“Can I hear you play?” you ask. His face is adorable with his eyes full of surprise.

“You want to hear me play?” There’s an emotion you can’t place when he looks at you.

“I love music, too, Joshua,” you say softly. “I’d love to see what you’re passionate about.”

“Oh, well, I usually play at this acoustic night on Thursdays at a coffee shop downtown,” Joshua tells you.

“You do? That’s so cute!” you say before second guessing it. He looks away like he’s a little embarrassed and you worry for a split second.

“I’d love it if you came by,” he says.

“It’s a shame that we can’t say that’s where we met,” you admit.

“Wait, that would be a good idea, actually,” Joshua says and you smile. 

“It would be, but I also know events like that. It’s always a similar crowd so I’m sure someone will know that I’ve never been,” you reason. 

“Fair point,” Joshua concedes. 

“Why don’t we just say we met on a dating app?” you suggest and Joshua pulls up his face. “Okay, I know apps are lame and honestly, I don’t use them much. But, think about it. That’s the perfect reason why we didn’t bring it up until now, we didn’t want to answer the ‘where did you meet’ question by saying an app.” 

“Okay, yeah, I do actually like that because it’s easy and it doesn’t feel like a wild story,” Joshua says. 

“What about your parents?” you ask. “Do we need to make plans to meet them if you’re also posting about me?” 

“We can figure that out, but they live pretty far away so it would probably just be over FaceTime or something,” he says.

“I also understand if you don’t want to do that because we’re just pretending,” you suggest. 

“No, it’d be cool to have you meet them. Even if the relationship isn’t real, I’d like to be friends for real, so that’s not a total lie,” Joshua reasons. 

“I’d like to be friends too,” you agree. “How long have you been living here, now?” 

“Oh, um, like 8 months?” Joshua says like a question.

“I was figuring like a month or two with the way Jeonghan talks about you,” you laugh. 

“You’ve been friends with him for years, you’re not actually surprised,” Joshua points out. 

“Okay so now I guess we have to figure out when we started dating,” you comment.

“And everything else, but we can do it,” Joshua says. 

You’re a little nervous sitting on your couch waiting for Joshua to show up. Even though you offered to pick him up for dinner with your family tonight, he insisted on being the one to drive. Of course he’s right on time, which you’re already realizing is a trait of his. He’s even a gentleman when he opens the door for you, just like he pulled the chair out the first time you met for the date-not-date. As you put your seatbelt on, you notice that there are a few things in the backseat. 

“What’s all that?” you ask as he slides into the driver’s seat. 

“Flowers for your mom, a bottle of scotch for your dad, and a cheese board for your sister because you said they just moved and she likes to host,” Joshua lists off as if it’s nothing.

“You did not have to get things for all of them,” you point out. 

“Of course I did, but I also wanted to. I’m trying to make a good impression,” he says, making your heart a little light.

“That’s so kind,” you whisper out.

“Oh, I thought of something else,” Joshua shifts. You’re worried you made him uncomfortable until he speaks again. “Are you a pet name person in relationships?”

That makes you snort, something that would embarrass you in any other situation. It’s not the first time he’s heard it, though. “That depends on what you want to call me.”

“That’s a dangerous way to say that,” Joshua answers. His eyes are still on the road, yet you don’t miss the way he reacts.

“I don’t like overly cutesy names,” you say to diffuse a little bit of the moment. “Like, I don’t know, if you want to call me sugarplum or honeybunch or something like that, please don’t.”

“You’re just giving me ideas to take away my fun,” he pouts.

“Well, what were you thinking of calling me? Or are you even a pet name person?” you ask.

“I do like them,” Joshua says. “I’m not sure that I have a go-to or anything. For you, I might say angel or possibly darling.”

“I think I prefer angel, if I’m allowed to pick,” you say after a moment.

“Of course,” Joshua replies. Studying his face, you’re looking for a hint of mocking or insincerity, but there’s nothing to find. This is just him.

“Do you want me to use a pet name for you?” you wonder.

“I’d happily take one, no pressure, though,” he says. 

“I’ll have to think about it,” you tell him. “Something generic like babe doesn’t feel right.”

“Are you saying I’m special?” Now you can hear the light teasing in his voice. 

“I take it back, any more compliments are going to go to your head,” you huff out. 

As you get closer to your parents’ house, you start to bounce your knee with an excess of nervous energy. It’s not until Joshua reaches a hand out to take one of yours that you’re even sure you’re doing it. There’s something calming about it, though. Nothing about him reaching out feels like he’s trying to stop you, just show that you’re not alone in this. Which is more than welcome. The last person you brought to meet your parents was Johnny. Given how that ended and why Joshua is around in the first place, it’s not exactly the most comforting thought.

Once you pull up to their house, you take a deep breath. It’s only to settle your rising nerves, but it also serves to give Joshua enough time to come and open your door. Even though you’ve told him that he doesn’t need to be this sweet, he insists. Without saying a word, he holds out a hand to help you out of the car. Instead of dropping your hand once you’re out, he uses it to pull you into him and wraps his arms around you. There’s this immediate sense of comfort, like you have actually been dating for months. You inhale his cologne without meaning to, something warm and woodsy. 

“It’s going to be fine, parents love me,” he assures you when you pull away.

“I don’t doubt that,” you say, releasing the breath you were holding and your tension with it. 

“So come on, my little granola wrapper, let’s go,” Joshua says as he lets you go to get the gifts out of his backseat. 

It takes you a full few seconds to register what came out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, what did you just call me?” 

“Is that not the one?” he asks, eyes alight with some kind of mischief. 

“I’m not going to encourage this,” you huff.

“Whatever you say, jellybean,” he throws out casually. 

The second you step into the house, you see exactly what Joshua means. Your mother is fawning over him in a matter of seconds, your father is making plans to show him his records, your sister’s husband is asking when they can go out for drinks, and your sister even holds back the snark. All during the course of the pre-dinner drinks and largely, you think, due to the gifts that Joshua brought. He had a reason for the meaning behind the type of flowers for your mother, a favorite musician who swore by the scotch for your dad, and even bought the cheese board from a small business that customized things. 

Dinner comes along and you still feel like you’ve barely said anything with Joshua masterfully steering the conversation. He even makes it sound good that you met on an app, with his improvised story of wanting to meet people in a new city. According to him, he wasn’t expecting to meet someone like you and was done for the second he saw you sitting at dinner. It’s something real, that you met him for dinner the first time at a fancy downtown restaurant. And you realize you never actually asked what his impression was that first night. More than once, you catch yourself watching his profile as he talks to one of your family members. Everything about him is at ease and you wonder if it really is all fake. Not that you think anything about him is disingenuous, he’s just really good at making people like him. 

The only hiccup doesn’t come until your mother is pulling out dessert. According to your sister, she’s got an excellent pie in the refrigerator that you simply have to try. You’re about to say something when Joshua beats you to it. 

“I don’t think my little sugarplum likes fruit pies, but it sounds amazing and I’d love a piece,” Joshua interjects smoothly. 

Your sister nearly spits out her drink, whether it’s at the nickname or him speaking up for you, you’re not sure. In any other situation, you would scold him for the name, but you’re a little stunned he remembers you don’t like pie. It came up once in a rapid fire of likes and dislikes. 

“You’re right, she doesn’t,” your sister agrees. “I’d almost forgotten.” 

(That’s when you’re sure it was another of your sister’s tests. Trying to catch you in some kind of lie about your relationship. But, it doesn’t work and you feel a little victorious for that.)

The doorbell rings through the house and you look to your mother, silently asking if she’s expecting someone. It’s unusual for them to have company calling this late on a Friday night. It’s usually reserved for dinners with friends or family or galas. Unsurprisingly, your mother doesn’t seem to know who it could be, but disappears to answer the door all the same. When a voice drifts through from the hallway, you freeze on the spot.

“I really just came by to drop that off for my mom, I didn’t realize it was so late. I’d hate to intrude on dessert,” the guest says. 

“Nonsense, you’re not interrupting,” your mother insists. 

“I saw an unfamiliar car, so I figured you might have guests,” he says as they come through the doorway into the living area. 

Your heart stutters a little in your chest, feels heavier for seeing him. Somehow he looks taller and broader than the last time you saw him. He’s wearing his hair shorter and he looks more mature, somehow, like he’s seen so much more of the world than when you were together. Which is probably true, if you think about it. It’s been a couple years and that means he’s had more time working with his father. 

“That would be my car,” Joshua says, getting to his feet immediately and extending his hand. “I’m Joshua.” 

“Johnny,” he answers and shakes Joshua’s hand. Yet, his face looks a little tense and his eyes mostly stay on you. 

“It’s just family,” your mother shares, though Johnny can obviously see that himself, “since our darling daughter finally brought Joshua around to meet us.” 

“I’m glad she did, dinner was wonderful and the company was even better,” Joshua says with a smile at your mother. She nearly blushes at his compliment. 

“Oh, hush,” your mother says with a wave of her hand. “I was just getting some pie if you’d like to stay for a piece, Johnny. Although, I’d hate to keep you from home.”

Joshua sits back down next to you, a little closer than is strictly necessary, and puts his arm along the back of the couch behind you. You feel safe pressed up against his side like that. Johnny clears his throat when he looks away from the pair of you. “Gabby has been out of town all week, actually, so I’m going back to an empty home anyway. I’d love to stay for a piece of your famous cherry pie.” 

“Great!” your mother says and disappears off into the kitchen. 

“What’s got Gabby away?” your sister asks. 

“Just a conference,” Johnny answers. “There was a final banquet tonight and she’ll be home tomorrow.” 

“She’s busy, away this week, bachelorette next weekend,” she says offhand. 

“Keeping tabs on when everything is?” you ask of your sister. She looks at you like you’re crazy and Johnny looks awkward.

“No, I was invited to it,” your sister answers evenly. 

Before you can even answer, Joshua is speaking up. Probably sensing your discomfort. After all, you hadn’t gotten to tell him that Johnny’s fiance is friends with your younger sister. They had gone to school together and been close. Stealing her sister’s fiancée doesn’t seem to have impacted the friendship. 

“You must be excited with the big day getting so close,” Joshua says. He moves his arm from behind you so that he can take your hand on your thigh. It makes you look down at your hands before glancing at him, only to find his gaze on you already. It also means you miss the way Johnny follows the movement. 

“Uh, yeah, I mean, I’m definitely excited. It’s just been a lot of planning,” Johnny says. 

“I bet,” Joshua says. “Thank you so much for inviting me, I know how stressful changes can be.” 

“It’s no problem, I’m happy you’ll both be there,” Johnny says. 

With almost a practiced subtlety, Joshua squeezes your hand. There’s so much in that one movement. A reassurance, a reminder to breathe, a reminder that he’s there, a promise that everything is going to be okay. Your heart hurts seeing Johnny sitting in the living room so casually as if nothing happened, but it doesn’t hurt as much as you expected. Maybe that has something to do with this impossibly kind, completely idiotic person next to you. You also can’t help the way your gaze lands on him. Just in profile, at first, before he senses your look and turns to you with a dazzling smile. It’s like there’s nobody else in the world but the two of you.

The conversation shifts slightly when your mother comes back in with a tray full of pie slices and your father comes back with whatever record he was looking for to show Joshua. Just like that, you survive your first in-person interaction with Johnny. Actually come out of it feeling like you might be able to handle this. The smile you send Joshua while he’s eating his pie is so fond that you’re not even sure who you are. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t call me last night,” Jeonghan says in lieu of a hello.

“Hello to you too, I’m good, thanks for asking,” you retort.

“Greetings are for people who remember their best friends, not for people who send a single sentence recap after bringing their fake boyfriend home to meet the family,” Jeonghan states immediately.

“That’s a very long rule,” you note.

“Deserved, though,” Jeonghan says.

“I was tired, Han, it was a long night,” you explain.

“A long night where your ex showed up,” he reminds you.

“That actually wasn’t so bad,” you admit. “Joshua made it feel pretty easy.”

“Oh did he now?” 

You don’t have to be in the same room as Jeonghan to hear the expression on his face when he says that. “It was just easy, Jeonghan, nothing more than that.”

“What did your parents think?” he asks, switching gears.

“They loved him, like actually loved him. My mom was enamored and kept calling him handsome. My dad was talking about music with him and making plans to go check out some acoustic music venue. Even the ice queen couldn’t find anything to fault him for,” you share.

“She’s less of an ice queen and more of a mean girl and a bitch,” Jeonghan adds.

“You said it,” you mumble.

“I mean, come on, who thinks it’s okay for their friend to sleep with their sister’s fiancé? And then stays friends with the girl?” Jeonghan gets really defensive with this. He would ride for you to the ends of the world, which you do love. Just not today. 

“I don’t wanna relive that whole thing, it’s done and over. Nothing to do now,” you say, weariness seeping into your voice.

“Would you want to do anything about it?” Jeonghan asks.

“What do you mean?” You answer the question with a question.

“Like would you want to go back to when you were with Johnny?” Jeonghan asks.

You think about it for half a second. “No.” 

“That was fast,” Jeonghan comments.

“What’s there to go back to? He made his choice and I’m fine, honestly. It was weird seeing him and hearing him talk about his wedding, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought,” you say.

“Is that because of your Prince Charming?” Your best friend, always doing the most, puts this question into a sing-song voice. 

“He’s not a Prince Charming. You’re so annoying,” you scoff. 

“I don’t know, he sure seems to be saving you,” Jeonghan presses. 

“I can’t with…” you start, trailing off at the knock on your door.

“Who’s there?” Jeonghan asks. 

“No clue,” you answer, getting off your couch to go see. 

“I bet it’s Prince Charming,” Jeonghan laughs out.

“Would you fuck…” you begin as you open the door to find the very subject of your conversation on the other side, “off.”

“I’m right aren’t I?” Jeonghan is nearly shrieking with glee.

“Sorry, gotta go,” you say.

“Oh no, no, no,” Jeonghan tries.

You’re stepping aside to let Joshua into your apartment. “I’ll see you tomorrow for brunch.”

“Let me know if I need to add one more to the reservation,” Jeonghan says. 

“Goodbye,” you say with an eye roll Jeonghan can’t see, but will surely hear. You hang up as soon as he also says goodbye.

“Jeonghan?” Joshua guesses.

“Unfortunately,” you confirm. 

“I hope I wasn’t interrupting,” Joshua says. It’s nothing like when someone says it out of forced courtesy. He actually seems like he’s making sure he’s not intruding. 

“No, not at all, I just wasn’t expecting you,” you admit. 

“Sometimes that’s the best time to come over,” Joshua says with a shrug.

“Does that mean you have a plan?” you wonder.

“Yup,” Joshua says.

“Gonna tell me what it is?” you ask.

“Nope,” he says with a concerning smile, popping the end of nope. “Go put on something comfortable but with layers. And we’re not going hiking or anything like that.” 

An hour later, you’re pulling off the road in an area you’ve never been to, even with as long as you’ve lived here. The views are instantly enough to take your breath away. You can see the whole city below you, all the bustle of traffic and skyscrapers. Somewhere, you know there are people rushing to and fro, too busy to stop and appreciate what’s around them. Straight ahead, you can see the way the low clouds glide around, splitting around the very tops of the buildings. It’s beautiful and it also makes you realize just how small you are. 

While you’ve been appreciating the views in front of you, Joshua has been gathering his supplies from the trunk. By the time you turn around, he’s laying a blanket and basket down on the ground in front of the car. 

“Is this…did you set up a picnic?” you ask.

“I wanted to show you this place and figured some food might be nice,” he says with an easy smile. 

“That’s so sweet,” you say earnestly.

You settle on the blanket next to him and look through the food he’s pulling out. There are some of your favorite things and some things you’re not even sure you’ve seen before. Somehow, though, you feel like they might become some of your new favorites. He even brought plates and he sets about putting one together for you to pick at.

Joshua tells you about how this is his favorite place and he found it completely by accident. He loves being down in the city and around all the people, but there’s something nice about seeing things from this perspective too. It’s like he can just disconnect for a while. Turn off his phone. Read or listen to music. Just be totally alone. It’s how he works through a problem or gets the perspective he needs.

“I can’t believe you’re sharing it with me,” you admit and his eyes light up with his smile.

“I just thought, after last night, you might appreciate having a place to get away from it all,” Joshua says.

You want to say something, anything, really, to acknowledge what Joshua just said. Try to say something. Your throat doesn’t want to cooperate, it seems. Your brain, either. In fact, all you can manage to do is turn away to hide the tears. Joshua is observant, though. He doesn’t say anything, just pulls you into his chest and runs his hand along your back. He quietly soothes you as you cry out a lot of emotions you didn’t even realize you were experiencing. 

And something about him comforting you, this near stranger who doesn’t actually owe you anything, sets you off more. In the early days of your relationship with Johnny, you know it was good. It must have been. Surely, it was more than a relationship between two people who had known each other for years with families that were intertwined. You don’t remember it anymore. Don’t remember him ever holding you like this without even knowing what was wrong. Don’t remember him taking you on a date like this just because he thought you would enjoy it. Since you haven’t seriously dated anyone since the break-up, he also feels like your only frame of reference. That makes you sad for an entirely different reason. Who loses it over someone just being a little kind?

“I’m so sorry,” you finally say when you manage to pull yourself together. 

“For what?” he asks. 

“For just crying like that and being such a mess,” you say. 

Joshua shakes his head. Moves his hand up to your face and waits for confirmation that it’s okay. When you nod, he gently wipes the tears from under your eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for. What you’re going through with your ex, most of us could never even imagine that kind of pain.”

“But still, you barely know me and here you are trying to be kind and all I can do is cry,” you say. 

“First of all, I think last night and the food I put together show I’ve actually learned a lot about you in a short time,” he says and you have to laugh at that. He’s right. “Second, I’m just happy you feel safe enough with me to cry. It’s not healthy to hold all that in. You’re not in this alone.”

That brings you up short more than anything. He’s right, again (an annoying habit, if you’re being honest). You don’t feel any hesitation around him. Nothing to stop you from crying if you feel like crying. That’s unusual, to say the least. Normally, you’ll do anything to avoid anyone seeing you emotional. But, this man you just met is different. He’s safe. You’re not sure how or why, but you know you can trust him. 

“Are you free tomorrow for brunch?” you ask. Joshua gives you a quizzical look for a moment at the sudden topic change. 

“Yeah, why?” he asks. 

“I just need to send one quick text and then I want to do what you said you normally do here. Disconnect from the world and just appreciate the afternoon,” you say and find yourself smiling along with his smile. He really is so beautiful. 

You: add one to the reservation for brunch tomorrow and i’ll call you tonight when i’m home

You switch your phone into Do Not Disturb before the response comes and turn all your attention back to Joshua. 

Over the next couple weeks, Joshua slips seamlessly into your life and your existing friendships. Some of them, like those closest to you that come along to the Sunday brunches, know the whole story. It’s not like they would believe you had kept a relationship secret for that long, anyway. And it’s good to have a few extra sets of eyes and ears helping to sell the story. Other friends get the same story that your family and Johnny got. It’s not that you don’t trust them, you do. It’s more important to keep the circle of people who know the real story as small as possible, though, so that it actually succeeds. All your friends adore him from the second they meet him. The only surprise is how well Jeonghan seems to be adjusting to sharing your time. He wants to give you a hard time, yet he doesn’t. 

You meet all Joshua’s friends and coworkers, too. It feels way easier than it should the first time you join him and his coworkers after work for drinks. They spend most of the time giving Joshua a hard time that he’s kept you to himself for so long. It’s easy to fall into step and you find that you do know him a lot better than you think. So, it’s just as easy for you to jump in when they’re giving him a hard time. He pretends to be annoyed, but you can tell by the way he smiles that he likes it. It’s one of those genuine smiles that makes his eyes bigger and brighter. Everything just feels…easy. Like this whole thing wasn’t actually a bad idea after all. 

Your favorite part might be the first time you got with him to an Open Mic Night and get to see him play. He’s got that easy kind of confidence on the guitar. Like he knows he’s talented, but not in a cocky way. It’s his singing that catches you off guard. His voice moves over the notes with an ease that makes you wonder why this isn’t something he’s doing for a living. He’s got this way of pulling you into songs that you don’t even know. And he’s so kind with the people that show up just to see him play. They all seem just as happy to meet you and know that he’s happy. 

There’s only been one part that’s been difficult. Not difficult, exactly, but not as comfortable as some of the other things. While you and Joshua talked through anything and everything to prepare to start a fake relationship, you covered comfort levels with physical affection. You both say you’re comfortable with physical touch, though he seems to seek it out more than you do. That includes at least some level of PDA as a couple. You’ve never really been one to just randomly make out with a partner in public, but you’ve never been shy about expressing affection either. It was fine, when it was all theoretical. 

In actual practice, it’s been a little more difficult. The first time Joshua had pressed a kiss to the side of your head while you were out with people that didn’t know it was fake caught you off guard. It shouldn’t have, he asked before doing it and you confirmed it was fine. What you hadn’t been entirely prepared for was how it would feel when he did it. Or how it would feel that he was so casual about it, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like it wasn’t making you rethink everything in your life. 

Tonight, you’re hanging out with friends at Hyejin’s house. You and her have been friends since before you even started school. So, she knows what’s really going on with Joshua. Your other friends there, though, are mostly not in on it. Which is fine. You’re shockingly comfortable with the song and dance. 

It’s not actually fine. 

It starts the same as any other time you’ve been out somewhere with him. You’re sitting close together on the couch, thighs pressed together, with his arm behind you along the back of the couch. Periodically, his fingers play with the sleeve of your shirt. It’s an absentminded habit and you’re used to it. He’s usually keeping some sort of contact with you in a very subtle way. You learned right away that he did like physical touch, but it was rarely something obvious. One drink in and his affection got a little more obvious. Arm wrapped firmly around you. More kisses pressed to the side of your head. 

Two drinks in and it changes again. He removes his arm from around you in favor of holding your hand. Playing with your fingers while he’s having other conversations, like he doesn’t even realize. Hand squeezing your thigh. Or tracing patterns into the material of your pants. Head dropping down on your shoulder when he’s not talking to someone else. And it’s definitely not fine. You’re nursing your drink, but even if you weren’t, his constant presence would sober you. Since you’ve just finally finished your first, you think maybe a second is a good idea.

It’s not. Joshua gets another drink, his third, and you decline. Instead, you stick with the water you’ve been drinking since you couldn’t even finish your second. You want to be able to respond, whatever happens. Respond to whatever new form of affection unlocks with this next drink. 

“I hope you stick around, you’re my favorite of the partners that we’ve met,” Mimi announces to Joshua when he plops back down next to you. 

You’re glad that you hadn’t taken a sip because it would’ve come out immediately. Mimi has been a friend for a long time as well, and you love her, but she doesn’t know the truth. 

“Don’t I know it,” Joshua agrees, earning a lot of laughter. 

“Have you met Johnny yet? I know you’re going to the wedding,” Taehyung wonders. 

“Yeah Johnny showed up magically the night I brought him by to meet my parents, sister, and brother-in-law,” you say, regaining some composure. 

“I think you traded up,” Joshua says, eyes laser focused on you. 

You’re not so lucky this time and you just took a sip. You nearly choke. “Do you?”

“Definitely,” Joshua insists. 

“I agree,” Jimin says and Mimi elbows him in the side. “What?”

“You’re going to the wedding,” she says. 

“So? He’s a fucking tool,” Jimin shrugs off. 

“Are you all going, then?” Joshua asks. 

“A good portion of us, yeah,” Hyejin says. “Family connections, you know?” 

“I wasn’t invited,” Mimi pouts. 

“Want to come?” Taehyung asks and Mimi laughs. 

“Tae, my love, you can’t just invite people,” Mimi says and shakes her head. 

“I have a plus-one,” Taehyung says with a shrug. “I think we all knew I wouldn’t make it to the wedding in my relationship. But, Johnny still thinks I’m bringing someone.”

“Damn, okay. I’m in,” Mimi says. 

“I’m not going either, my family ties weren’t enough to get an invite,” Jeonghan says without any sorrow in his eyes. 

“That’s because of what you said to him after the break up,” Hyejin interrupts with a laugh. 

“I don’t remember saying anything that bad,” Jeonghan shrugs, and examines his finger nails to show how little he cares. 

“Remind me to show you what he said some time, it was fucking gold,” Hyejin says to Joshua.

“Do you have it saved?” you ask.

“I should have it framed, honestly,” Hyejin says. “Get you a best friend like Jeonghan, for real, for real.” 

“Hey, that’s my best friend, get your own,” you joke. 

“That’s a shame you won’t be there though, Han, I could’ve used the familiar face,” Joshua says.

“Like you’re going to be paying attention to anyone but your date,” Hyejin teases. 

“Can you blame me? I still can’t believe how lucky I got,” Joshua says without any hint that he’s pretending. It makes your heart skip a couple beats as you try to catch your breath. 

“Ugh, I’m so single,” Mimi whines. 

“Maybe not after the wedding,” Hyejin teases. 

The conversations devolve from there into separate, smaller chats. Joshua is back to tracing patterns into your leg. Without warning, he pops his head up and places a quick peck on your lips before dropping his head onto your shoulder again. He’s so nonchalant about it that you’re not really sure it even happened. You’ve kissed a couple times like that, quick pecks in public. But, it’s always been when you’ve talked about it. It isn’t until you look up to meet Jeonghan’s eyes that you know it all really happened. 

Joshua, unaware that he’s just turned your world a little upside down, moves his head to look at you again. “You’re beautiful, you know.”

It’s barely a whisper and you know he’s not drunk. He’s not sober either, though. And you’ve had drinks around each other before. He’s just never been quite so glued to your side or free with the compliments. You’re also not usually so singularly focused on him. A fact that doesn’t go entirely unnoticed. 

“Thank you,” you whisper back. 

“I’m kinda hungry,” he continues in a bit of a whine. 

“Well you were the one who thought skipping dinner was smart,” you tease him. 

“But my little honeybunch,” he teases back. You snort and miss the way several of your friends watch the interaction because they know how you are about weird pet names. 

“Try again, sweetheart,” you answer. 

“Sweetheart, I like the way that sounds,” he says, distracted. 

“Just a little longer and we can leave and get something to eat,” you say and he sighs. 

“Fine,” he concedes and kisses your cheek, just barely a whisper away from the corner of your mouth. 

About half an hour later, you say your goodbyes. Despite your suggestions, Joshua continued drinking instead of switching to water. It’s as fine as it can be, though. He’s just an affectionate drinker. He wraps an arm around you, slipping a hand into your back pocket so that he can whisper thanks again. You do your best to shrug it off and let him drape his arms around your shoulder instead. 

The car ride is quiet, initially. You pick a playlist that he made for you after you first met. Something he seems to enjoy. You’re nearly back at his place when he says that he doesn’t have anything to eat. But, luckily, there’s a place around the corner that he loves that’s still open. He manages to place an order on the app, gets something for you as well, and pays before getting there. All you have to do is walk in. 

“I hope you’ll come in and eat with me,” he says when you get back into the car. 

You’re not really sure how to tell him that you don’t want to. Not because you don’t want to spend time with him. Or that you don’t appreciate him ordering something he knows you’ll like. No, it’s so much deeper than that. It’s that you don’t know if your heart can handle it. You’ve got a couple more weeks of this and your heart is taking a beating. All of this is fake. It’ll be over after the wedding. But, the compliments don’t feel fake. The kisses don’t feel fake. The affection doesn’t feel fake. Your heart racing is real, oh so real. You don’t need anyone to tell you that you’re in way too deep. 

None of that comes out, though. 

“Sure, sweetheart,” you say and hold your breath for a second. You hadn’t meant to say that when it was just you. 

Joshua smiles over at you. “Really do like that.” 

Does he know what he’s doing to you? Can he hear your heart hammering in your chest? Can he hear your breath catch? Does he know how insanely beautiful he is? Or that he’s all the more beautiful because he’s so unfailingly kind? 

Probably not, because he gets distracted and starts singing along as the song changes. It’s welcome, but also a little devastating. His voice cuts through you in a way you’re still very unprepared to handle.

After another few minutes, you’re at Joshua’s place. He springs back into action and tries to open your door for you, even though you’re the driver. He settles for taking hold of your hand as he walks to his door, only reluctantly dropping it when he gets to the door. 

His apartment is familiar to you, it has to be for this to be believable. So, he sets the food out and you grab plates. You grab a couple waters from the fridge while he takes the food over to the couch, bypassing the table. You sit next to him, leaving enough space between you that you’re not touching. Hoping he doesn’t think anything of it. 

It’s useless, apparently, because he slides over to press into your side.

What’s worse (not that you thought that was possible) is that he picks things off of your plate and gives you food off his plate. Tries to feed it to you, actually, and pouts when you don’t let him. It takes everything in you not to beg him to be gentle on your heart. He doesn’t even seem to realize what he’s doing to you as he smiles and jokes. Doesn’t seem to think twice about playing with your hands or his hand on your leg or any of the things he usually does when you have an audience. There’s nobody here to see and he’s not usually this touchy when you’re alone. Maybe it’s the drinks.

“I like your friends a lot, you know,” he says out of nowhere.

“They like you, too,” you assure him.

“What about you?” he asks.

“I’d assume they like me as well,” you laugh out.

“No, I meant me. Do you like me?” he asks, eyes big and vulnerable.

Please, Joshua, I’m begging you. Be gentle with me, you think so loud you’re worried he might hear.

“I’m actually a little sick of you,” you joke. 

“But, but,” he begins and dramatically throws himself in your lap. 

“You’re the worst,” you say without any bite. Your hands find their way into his hair, softly running through the strands.

“That feels nice,” he says softly. “Can I just stay like this? I’m tired.” 

“Of course,” you whisper.

“You’ll stay with me?” he asks, sounding like he’s about to drift off.

You’re sure he won’t remember any of this. Not because he’s drunk, but he’s on the edges of sleep. So, you answer in a whisper. “Always.” 

Maybe he’s not the one that needs to be careful with your heart. Maybe it’s you that needs to be careful. You know that you could walk away. That you could just remind him that this is all fake and there’s nobody around to see now. That’s not what you do. So, maybe you’re just as much to blame. 

Sunday Joshua: thanks for taking care of me last night Joshua: idk why the drinks hit me so hard Joshua: when did you leave?  Monday Joshua: is everything okay? Did i say something stupid? Tuesday Joshua: i don’t wanna sound clingy but are we still getting together at your place after work?

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know that you need to respond. You know that what you’re doing isn’t fair to anyone. It’s not like Joshua can somehow read your mind to realize you’re spiraling. It just feels a little paralyzing. This is a weird limbo of knowing you might be in over your head, but still believing this is all fake. 

Jeonghan: hey dummy i know you’re ignoring joshua so i’m coming over tonight  Jeonghan: i told him you’ve been busy at work and i haven’t heard from you either but we have some talking to do

Leave it to Jeonghan. You had almost forgotten, with how well you’ve gotten to know Joshua, that it was Jeonghan who introduced you in the first place. Of course he would text your best friend when he couldn’t get a hold of you. Does that make you feel better? Not really, you think, because it feels like a real relationship in a way. Oh well, you can talk about it with Jeonghan. If he shows up, that is.

And he does, less than an hour later.

“I’m here,” he announces when he comes in the door.

“Thanks for knocking and giving me the chance to pretend I’m not here,” you call back.

“Your car is outside and you have your location turned on,” Jeonghan says. 

“Right,” you answer as he comes through the hall holding a bag from your favorite take out place.

“At least I come bearing gifts,” he says.

“You’re an angel, do you know that?” you ask and reach for the bag.

Jeonghan snorts. “I’m gonna remind you of that the next time you call me a demon.” 

“Well, Lucifer was a fallen angel,” you reason with a shrug. 

“I hate you,” he says.

“I know,” you answer. 

Jeonghan busies himself with taking out the food and making sure you have napkins. Tells you what he wants to drink when you get up to go into the kitchen. Calls for you to grab some utensils as well. By the time you sit back down with him, he’s flipping through a streaming service trying to find something to watch. It’s not at all what you’re expecting and you just let it happen. The two of you have been friends long enough to know you should just let things play out.

With some mindless show on in the background, Jeonghan talks about work and your friends and everything else that’s been going on the past few days. Like it’s been weeks since you last saw him. Mostly, he talks about how Taehyung has been blowing up his phone asking for advice about Mimi, which is actually news to you. Sure, you saw him ask her if she wanted to go with him to the wedding. What you had not expected was for him to actually be interested. Which he is, if his messages to Jeonghan are anything to go by. It’s been everything from advice about talking to her to what kinds of things she might like as a surprise. They would probably be cute, you think. 

“Yeah, well, sometimes feelings catch us off guard,” Jeonghan says when you admit your surprise.

Damn. Did you really walk right into that?

“True,” you admit, knowing that’s the best answer you can give.

“Talk to me,” Jeonghan urges. 

“About what?” you ask to buy more time.

“Joshua,” he says.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you state. That makes him fix you with a look.

“Clearly there is or you wouldn’t be ignoring him,” he says. 

“We’re not really dating so I don’t owe him constant updates. I’m not ignoring him. I just have other shit to do,” you say without looking at him.

“Would you like to be?” he asks. That does make you turn to him.

“Like to be what?” you ask, though you think you know.

“Really dating him,” Jeonghan says.

It’s a crossroads kind of moment. You could say that you don’t want that. That would be a lie, though, and Jeonghan doesn’t like it when you lie. Can always tell the second you say something that’s not true. The truth is that you’ve spent nearly every moment since that stupid night at Hyejin’s place thinking about what you actually feel for your fake boyfriend. 

“I don’t…know,” you say slowly and earn a smile because it’s not a lie.

“I was there the other night too, I saw the way it all played out,” he says.

“I mean, does it matter? This is all fake and soon, it’ll be over,” you say.

“Of course it matters and it’ll be over soon? Please,” Jeonghan scoffs. “I know he’s told you that he wants to keep you in his life after Johnny’s wedding. So, what? You’re just gonna be like okay, that was fun, let’s never talk again?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” you say quietly.

He rolls his eyes. “Try again, buttercup.” 

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t like me like that, he’s just nice,” you say, avoidant as ever. 

“He looks at you like he’d give you the moon if you asked for it,” Jeonghan snorts out.

“He’s just nice, Han,” you disagree.

“Maybe,” your closest friend concedes, a rare move for him. It feels weird all the same. “Whatever it is, text him back. He misses you and I don’t want to hear anymore about how he’s worrying he upset you.”

“He’s been worrying that he upset me?” you ask. Your heart constricts at that.

“Yeah, for some reason he actually likes your company,” he says. “Can’t relate.”

You smack Jeonghan on the arm. “Says the man who shows up at my place unannounced when I ignore him for a day.”

“No, I was just bored,” he argued. “And you’re way too stubborn to sort out your shit on your own.”

 “I’m not stubborn, but fine, I’ll text him,” you relent.

“Now,” he says.

“What?”

“Text him now so that I know you actually did it.”

You roll your eyes at him, but pull your phone out anyway. Angling it away from Jeonghan so that he can’t see your screen. He’s such a nosy brat sometimes.

You: hey, i’m sorry. It’s been really busy and i had a lot on my mind You: wanna do something tomorrow?

The response comes right away and you ignore the smug look on Jeonghan’s face as you quickly make plans. If Jeonghan was anyone else, he would probably just let you be since he ultimately got what he wanted. But, he’s not anyone else. And he’s as caring to his friends as he is calculating when he wants something. So, he’s not doing it to be cruel, not at all. He just wants you to consider what you’re actually feeling. 

You’ll never tell Jeonghan how much you appreciate him talking everything through with you. Never tell him how good it feels to get all the thoughts out of your head. To his credit, he’s not smug and he doesn’t tell you that he’s been right about your feelings all along. He just listens, supports you when you need it, and encourages you to keep thinking through everything that’s going on.

As a make-up for slightly ignoring Joshua (over your own internal freak out), you take him to dinner at your favorite restaurant. It’s this tiny little hole-in-the-wall that people seem to walk past. The kind of place where you couldn’t overspend even if you tried because the couple that owned it just wanted to share good food. The kind of place where they know everyone by name. It makes you feel instantly at ease. 

Joshua doesn’t say it, but he also kind of can’t believe you wanted to show him some place that meant so much to you. All he could do was watch, with so much fondness, as you spoke to the couple about everything under the sun. Watch as you turned slightly red when they scolded you for taking so long to bring Joshua by. Smile as you promised the both of you would be back. Despite trying to pay, you beat him to it. Even leaving a massive tip because you insisted the couple had undercharged you. They made a big show of not wanting to take the tip and you only reminded them the cash would stay sitting on the counter. You weren’t taking it back either. 

You don’t really think about it when you take a picture of you and Joshua to upload on Instagram. At least, you try not to. Later, when you’re home and winding down for the night, you pull the picture back up. It’s amazing just how happy both of you look. You don’t need to read the comments to know that you’ve never looked so happy in your life. Every part of you wants to pull back again. It’s overwhelming. But, Jeonghan’s voice plays in your head and instead you push past. Make more plans that could break your heart. You have to just trust that he won’t. 

It isn’t until the weekend that you’re able to see him again because your schedules didn’t quite match up. That doesn’t stop him from calling you at night, though. Insisting that he wants to know how your day was, even if you can only spare a few minutes for a call. (Which never ends up being the case. You fall asleep on the phone with him twice. His voice is just so soothing when it’s all deep and soft.) 

Again, Joshua tells you the date is a surprise. He can be a little bit of a demon, when it suits him. Sure, he likes to pretend he’s not. That he’s above the chaos. Then, he does something like this and he can’t really escape it. But, he’s so sure he knows what you like that he’s positive you’ll enjoy the date. You remember how that chat had gone, too. You were ready to go to sleep, but unable to say goodnight. 

(“I have our next date planned,” Joshua says, voice soft to match the calm of the night.

“What is it?” you wonder.

“A surprise,” he answers.

“What if I don’t like it?” you ask back.

“You will,” he assures you.

“You sure seem to think you know me,” you joke. 

“Yeah, I do. Don’t worry, you’ll like this too,” he says.

There was no point in denying it. That confidence sent a bit of a shiver through you.) 

It turns out that the date is at a winery where you’re painting with wine. You have to ask him to say it again because you’ve only ever heard of wine and paint classes. Painting with wine is entirely new to you. It sounds fun, though, and you know how crafty Joshua can be, have seen all the projects around his apartment. So, even though you’re definitely not that artistic, you’re excited to see this as well. 

Admittedly, by the end of the session, your painting isn’t bad. It was a bit weird to use wine in that way, but they let you drink as well. Which makes it a lot easier to just go along with the idea of painting. Joshua’s painting, on the other hand, is beautiful. Not for the first time, you think his talents might be wasted at an office job. You’ve seen the bracelets he makes and now you’ve seen him paint. You’ve heard him sing and play the guitar. He’s impossibly artistic in a way that should make you jealous. Instead, it just makes you more endeared to him. 

You snap a picture of him and his art when he’s not looking and upload it before he can even realize it. It’s only when a notification goes off on his phone that he realizes. He doesn’t even say anything, just gets a sparkle in his eyes that makes you weary immediately. He’s busy tapping away on his own phone before a notification sounds on yours. Maybe you weren’t the only one to steal a candid shot if the picture of you laughing with a glass of wine in one hand and a paintbrush in the other is anything to go by. It’s the caption that really ruins you, though. Just a simple “think I’m addicted to her light”. It’s so simple and also so much sweeter than yours. You fight through the urge to run away. 

Which lasts until you get home from dinner. It was the perfect date, truly. Joshua always seems to know exactly how to plan out a day so everything works. After sipping wine and painting, he took you to one of his favorite restaurants. Nothing too pretentious, just kind of unassuming. The kind of place where you get good food and even better conversation. It’s (mostly) easy to keep your mind off the way your heart keeps racing.

When you’re back home, you’re not so lucky.

Back home, alone in your apartment, there aren’t any distractions. Nothing to stop your mind from all the ways that it can sabotage your own happiness. Nothing to stop you from thinking about how nobody, not even Johnny, has ever planned out such thoughtful dates for you. Nobody has ever taken the time to really know you like Joshua. Even if you won’t admit it, he knows you better than anyone you’ve ever dated. Which is terrifying, since this is all fake. And he hasn’t even known you that long. 

So, you do the rational thing and you pull back again. Answer his texts so that he doesn’t send Jeonghan over to figure out what’s wrong, but don’t make solid plans. Talk a lot about a work project that you really need to get done ahead of schedule so that you’re not stressing leading up to the wedding. And you throw in some easy suggestions in the meantime so that it still seems like you’re making an effort. 

Lunch on a work day so that it has a set ending time. Which still tugs at your heartstrings a bit because he takes a longer lunch just to meet you closer to where you work. 

An event where your parents purchased a table for charity because he’s in high demand with your family around. And he can’t be as affectionate. 

His Open Mic Nights, but with the excuse that you can’t stay too late because of your project and he should stick around with his friends. You’ll get home safely.

Small little things that keep you around him and keep up your conversations while still giving you time to breathe. You’re sure that you’re pulling it all off. And then, the wedding is around the corner. The finish line is in sight. 

You: I’m not going to the wedding You: you don’t have to come pick me up Joshua: what are you talking about? You: i’m not going Joshua: but it’s literally in a few hours? You: yeah and i don’t wanna go, so you’re off the hook You: thanks for everything, but you don’t have to pretend anymore

Even if you know you’re being a little petulant, you don’t really care. This whole thing was supposed to be about protecting your heart. Protecting your pride. Not showing up to your cheating ex-fiance's wedding alone and looking like some kind of loser. It was not supposed to be about your heart getting clobbered anyway. So, you’re doing the only logical thing you can think of. Ignoring your problems. Avoiding both the wedding and Joshua. What you’re not prepared for, though you should be, is the knock that comes at your door half an hour later. 

Joshua is on the other side of the door and your heart actually stops. He’s got his tux on and his hair styled back off his face. His eyes are soft as they take you in, noting that you have your hair and make up done. Though, you’re still in your sweats. You got at least that far before you decided this was a stupid fucking decision. 

“Can I come in?” he asks when you don’t say anything.

“Sure,” you say and step aside. 

“You look like you’re getting ready,” he comments once he’s inside.

“I was, until I texted you,” you answer. “Speaking of, why are you here?”

“Because we had plans,” he says. 

“Yeah to go see my ex-fiance marry the girl he cheated on me with. Oh, and for you to pretend to be my boyfriend so I didn’t look pathetic,” you say with a huff. 

“You’re not pathetic. He’s an asshole,” Joshua says. He doesn’t swear often, so it catches you a little off guard. 

“Well, whatever, you don’t have to go. So, I’m not really sure why you’re here,” you say. 

“You’re being so cold. What’s going on?” Joshua asks and reaches out to you. Instead, you duck away from his touch. 

“Nothing is going on. It was stupid to care what Johnny thought or to try and save face somehow,” you say. 

“It’s not stupid. He hurt you and you didn’t deserve that,” Joshua urges.

“You really don’t know me that well. Maybe I did deserve it. Maybe I was awful to him and he had no choice,” you say.

“We both know that’s not true,” he says.

“Do we?” you challenge. 

“Yes, we do,” he presses. “There is nothing you could do that justifies cheating instead of just breaking it off. But, I also know you didn’t do anything wrong. Jeonghan and I talked about it.”

“You spoke to Jeonghan about my relationship behind my back?” you question. 

“What is going on? We’ve been hanging out for weeks and getting to know each other. I just wanted to know more about someone I was going to be helping. And I like knowing you,” Joshua says and you have to look away. You don’t need the reminder of how much time you’ve spent with him.

“Yeah, sorry about all that time we wasted. I’ll pay you back for the tux or anything else you had to buy to pretend to date me,” you say and he looks genuinely confused.

“I don’t…want you to pay me back for anything. It wasn’t a waste of time. I did this because I wanted to,” he says.

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to pretend anymore because I’m not going to the stupid fucking wedding. It was a really bad idea in the first place,” you say.

Joshua clenches his jaw and looks away. Like maybe he’s frustrated. “What is going on? Do you still have feelings for him?” 

“For who? Johnny?” you ask, so insanely caught off guard that you forget you’re mad.

“Yes,” Joshua says tightly.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you bark out.

“Well? You’re being really weird and now you don’t want to go to a wedding that we’ve been planning on,” he starts.

“Yeah, which should make you happy, since you don’t have to pretend to be my boyfriend anymore,” you say.

“Because you’re still in love with Johnny,” Joshua finishes like he hadn’t even heard you.

“Oh my god,” you nearly scream. “I’m not fucking in love with Johnny. This isn’t about him.”

“So, you don’t want to go to the wedding and it has nothing to do with him? That doesn’t make any sense,” he says. 

“No, I don’t want to keep doing this,” you say, gesturing between the two of you. “I don’t want to keep pretending to date you when I -”

You clamp your mouth shut. Unable to believe that you almost blurted out how you feel.

“When you what?” he challenges. “What? Is it that bad being around me? Is that it? Are you just sick of me? Ready to toss me aside?”

You laugh bitterly, not even able to appreciate the irony in the situation. “No, Joshua, I don’t want to toss you aside.” 

“Then, what? What am I supposed to think when you’ve been pushing me away for the last couple weeks? And I have to act like I haven’t noticed all the ways you’ve kept me at arm’s length since we went to the winery. Why did you just decide, literally today, that you don’t want to go to the wedding after all?” he asks, rambling. He’s pacing in front of you. “Why are you trying so hard to get rid of me?”

“Because I don’t want to get hurt!” you blurt out. “Because I don’t want to go to my fucking scumbag of an ex’s wedding where everyone is going to be giving me these looks of pity or focusing on my relationship with him when all I want is this.”

“This? What?” he asks, coming to a stop.

“This, Joshua, you and me. Having this just all be pretend is breaking my heart. I can’t keep doing it. It was supposed to keep me from getting my heart broken. It sucks and I hate it and I just wish it wasn’t pretend. I don’t want to go to the wedding and have you be so sweet and kind and caring when I’m going to know it has an expiration date. That it’s all just been for show,” you admit. You turn away, clutching your arms around your center because you’re so tired. And so exposed. So vulnerable. It’s awful.

The tears won’t stop, so you don’t notice how Joshua has closed the space between you until he wraps his arms around you from behind. Pulls you back against his chest and presses a kiss into your hair.

“So, let’s stop saying it’s pretend,” he whispers. 

“What?” you whisper back.

He turns you in his arms so that you’re facing him and gently brushes away the tears. “Let’s stop saying it’s fake. It doesn’t feel fake, does it?”

“No,” is all you can manage.

“So, it’s not fake and we’re not pretending,” he says.

“But,” you start to protest. 

“I knew I was in trouble, really deep trouble, as soon as we left your parents’ house. I was just waiting for you to catch up,” he says as he gently runs a thumb across your cheek to wipe away a tear . Your eyes go wide.

“That was barely a week in,” you say and he just shrugs. “And I’d dumped all my bullshit on you.”

“I think that’s actually what made me like you so much,” he says. “It was supposed to be fake and we were trying to get to know each other well enough to pull it off. But, instead, I just realized you were actually perfect.”

“Perfect? I was broken,” you joke and he shakes his head.

“No, you’ve been hurt. Who hasn’t? You’re also strong, kind, funny, a fiercely loyal friend, and one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, inside and out,” he says. 

“That’s so, you’re so sweet,” you say and try to hide your face. He doesn’t let you. “You like me?”

“I’ve liked you the whole time. I did think it was a date, after all,” he says. “And do you think I’m that affectionate with everyone?”

“We were pretending,” you argue.

“I wasn’t,” he argues back.

“Our closest friends thought you were,” you disagree.

“And was anyone else there in my apartment when I was still being affectionate?” he asks.

“Well, no, but…” you start.

“I heard you say always,” he tells you.

“You did?” you ask, sure that it’s been your secret this whole time.

“We don’t have to go to the wedding. But, if it’s just because you don’t want this to be over with me, then it’s not going to be over. I’m yours for as long as you want me,” he says so earnestly it nearly makes you blush.

“Careful, you might get sick of me,” you joke.

He puts a finger under your chin so he can look you in the eyes. “I’ll say it again. I’m yours as long as you want me. I won’t get sick of you.” 

“I…” you start and don’t know where to go. So you do the only thing you can think of and kiss him. It’s clear he’s a little caught off guard, but he recovers quickly. His arms wrap around you to hold you tight against him. It’s the first time you’ve really kissed him and you’re so screwed because he really is perfect at this too. 

“So, do I get you for the rest of today?” he asks.

You take in his tuxedo again, for real this time. Appreciating how well it’s tailored and how amazing he looks. With a sigh, you say, “you know, it’s a shame to waste such a nice tux.”

“Are you…I thought we weren’t going,” he stutters.

“I’m probably gonna have to fix my makeup in the car, but why not? I want to show off my super hot and very real boyfriend,” you say and watch him choke on air. 

“You can’t just say…” he starts.

“Damn, sick of me already?” you tease.

“You know I’m not,” he answers and moves to follow you.

“No, no. You don’t get to see me changing. I’ll be back out in a second,” you say. 

You’re in the middle of shimmying into your dress when you realize that you do still have a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out. This whole situation has been unusual, though, so it probably makes sense that there isn’t a template. Once you have your shoes on, you walk back into the living room, prepared to say something, only to find Joshua speechless.

“You look…” he starts.

“You’ve seen the dress already,” you say and smile.

“Not on you. Not in person. You look amazing,” he says and crosses to pull you into his arms. “Are you sure we have to go?”

“Yes,” you say and swat him. “But, I do know we have a lot to talk about.”

“I’m not in a rush,” he says and allows you to step away.

“We might need to be in a bit of a rush,” you say, checking the time and gathering all your things. 

“Let’s go, then,” Joshua says and offers his arm. 

The wedding passes in kind of a blur. In truth, you barely even register Johnny or what he’s doing beyond the actual ceremony. The reception is so massive that it’s easiest just to focus on the people around you. Especially when you’re at a table with your friends. Thankfully, you’re not at a table with your parents or your sister. It does mean, though, that you’re sitting next to Hyejin, who has definitely realized that something shifted between you and Joshua. So, she’s trying to sneak in a question any time she can. Which is hard, given that Joshua is more attached to you than ever. And Hyejin doesn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to you. All you manage to let her know is that it’s real now and that you’ll fill her in after the wedding. (You’re also thankful that people seem to be cooing over Taehyung and Mimi since they’re the shiny new topic.)

It’s also nice to have Joshua there because he’s a built in way to excuse yourself from any conversation that you don’t want to be part of. It’s easy to just say you’re going to go back to the table. Or, in the case of a good song coming on, he’ll be quick to drag you to the dance floor and away from whatever conversation you’re stuck in. He’s a good dancer, too. You don’t miss the way Hyejin catches your eye when the first slow song comes on and he pulls you close to him. But, that’s a conversation for another day. All you wanted was to appreciate the way his hand felt on your lower back or your hand felt in his. 

When it was finally time to leave, Joshua led you out of the event, arm around you to guide you. Neither of you were drunk, but you had still hired someone to take you to and from the wedding anyway. A gift from your parents to appreciate you “doing the right thing” and coming to the wedding. For the sake of the families. It made you roll your eyes at the time, yet you’re thankful now. It would be far better than having to take an Uber or trying to get a room at the hotel (and risking seeing everyone else staying there the next morning). The ride home also gave you the chance to talk. Really talk. Neither of you cared much that someone else was driving (and he had the partition up, anyway), as you talked about your feelings honestly for the first time. 

As it turned out, you had a lot to say. Both of you. You hadn’t been nearly as good at hiding your feelings from Joshua as you had been at hiding them from yourself. He had hoped you were going to admit them to him after that night at his apartment. Instead, you avoided him. Yes, he knew that you had been avoiding him. You also weren’t very good at picking up on the signs he dropped about his feelings for you. He admitted that he could have just said something, but he was trying to be subtle so he didn’t scare you off. Trying to let his actions speak through more affection. You admit you were scared to think it was anything more than it actually was. Scared of your feelings. Scared of getting hurt again. Joshua completely understands that and admits that he’s a little scared, too, because you’re definitely more important to him than he was anticipating. He’s also confident that you can work through it together. It gives you a feeling of hope. Makes everything about you feel lighter. You see that relief reflected in Joshua’s eyes when they scan yours. 

The car pulls to a stop and he gets out first. He holds his hand out to help you out of the car. You’re not really sure what comes over you.

“Come up with me,” you ask, but it’s more of a statement. 

He hesitates, conflicted. “I don’t know if I should.”

“Why?” you ask, clearly confused.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave,” he answers and you smile.

“Then stay,” you shrug, “at least for breakfast.” 

Without waiting for him to respond, you turn and head for the front door of the building. It means you miss the way he freezes in place, but you can guess at that by how long it takes before he catches up to you. He’s unusually quiet and still beside you as you go up the elevator and then behind you as you unlock the door. 

“I’m gonna go change,” you announce after you drop your keys by the door. You look back at Joshua, appreciating him in the tuxedo one last time. “I’ve got some clothes in the spare room that should fit. They’re Jeonghan’s ” 

You take the opportunity to breathe for a second, to let it settle in that you asked Joshua to come in with you and stay the night. Then, you set about changing out of your dress. Carefully clean your face free of the make-up. Brush through your hair and twist it back off of your face. Once you’re in comfy clothes and bare faced, you head back out into the living room. It’s odd that you don’t even feel self-conscious about Joshua seeing you like this, you’re instantly comfortable. 

Joshua’s back is to you in the kitchen. When he turns around, you see that he’s put together a little platter of snacks. You also were right, the t-shirt and shorts he picked out seem to fit him well. Jeonghan is a little slighter than Joshua, but he wears most of his clothes on the baggier side. 

“Thanks for the clothes,” he says when you both meet on the couch. “I was worried when you said you had spare clothes they were gonna be from an ex or Johnny or something.” 

Your laugh is sudden and clearly catches Joshua off guard. “I wouldn’t have kept any of Johnny’s clothes. I gave them all to charity.” 

“I’m sure he was thrilled with that,” Joshua laughs.

“They made a killing reselling them,” you laugh in response. “Wanna watch something?”

“Sure, you pick,” he says.

You start clicking through your saved list to find something that the two of you can watch. Once you settle on something, Joshua motions you over. Even if you want to pretend you’re considering it, you can’t. Every part of you wants to be close to him. When you slide over, he pulls you in tighter to his body and you fit like you always belonged there with him. 

If you thought he was physically affectionate when he was pretending, it’s nothing compared to now that he knows you’re both in this. He has one hand running along your arm or the other along your thigh. Sometimes he reaches out to take one of your hands. Other times he presses kisses into your hair. It’s pretty clear right away that he’s not paying much attention to the show. 

If you’re being honest, you’re not really either.

Everything is distracting. The way his fingers on the bare skin of your arm raises goosebumps. The way his kiss in your hair makes your eyes close in appreciation. The way he squeezes your thigh and short circuits your brain. 

You can’t help it. You turn your head so that you can look at him. He caresses your cheek, so gentle. Runs his thumb across your lip. You’re holding your breath, just waiting to see what he’s going to do. When you feel like you’re going to go a little bit insane, his hand moves to the back of your neck and pulls you in. It’s exactly like the first kiss before the wedding. At least, at first. It’s gentle, but full of so much desire. It’s also slow, like there’s no rush to any of it.

The position is really uncomfortable, though. You shift your legs so they’re draped over one of Joshua’s. He doesn’t miss a beat. It just allows him to pull you closer. There’s something incredibly intimate in kissing him like this. There’s this weird contrast of desire and comfort. It’s heated, but also a little lazy. Like you have all the time in the world. Which you do, you think, now that you’re being honest about your feelings.  When Joshua pulls back from the kiss, you chase his lips for a second before realizing that he’s pulled away. The way he looks at you nearly melts you into the couch.

“I don’t want to assume where this is headed, but maybe we should take it to the bedroom?” he asks. It’s cute, the way he’s a little shy. Like you didn’t invite him in to spend the night. Yeah, you’re in way over your head. At least it seems like he might be too. 

You pull your legs back so that you can stand up. His eyes track your movements as you reach your hand back to him. He accepts it without a word and lets you lead him to the bedroom. Even if he’s seen your bedroom before, this feels different. You’re waiting for him to look around, but his eyes are glued on you. Joshua even waits for you to lead him all the way to the bed, so you direct him to sit on the edge. 

Once Joshua is seated, you step between his legs and tilt your head down to kiss him. He wraps his arms around you so that he can pull you against him. There’s barely any space between you. It sends a little bit of a shiver as his hands run up your back and back down. The touch is gentle and caring. Like he’s trying to put everything he feels into it. Something about it just makes you feel so insanely safe. 

He’s the one to break the kiss again, but this time it’s to move back onto the bed and grab your hand to pull you along with him. It’s easy to just follow suit and get comfortable laying next to him, bodies facing each other. The kissing picks up when your lips meet again. Joshua kisses you breathless with a passion you’re eager to explore. One of his hands rests on your hip, casually sliding beneath your shirt and caressing up your side. You press your body further into his and capture his moan with a kiss. It feels like you’re a bit drunk off each other.

When Joshua’s hand moves back down, you take the chance to throw your leg over his hip, allowing you to press further into him and feel how this is turning him on. Part of you knows that he’s still waiting for you to set the pace. Or that he wants things to be a little slower. So, you help him out and roll the two of you over so that you’re straddled on top of him. Putting his hands on your hips, you lean over to kiss him again. In this position, you can also grind into his lap. You delight in how he’s already getting hard beneath you, enjoy the way his hands grip the soft flesh of your hips.

He pulls back and looks at you with blown pupils. “Baby, please don’t tease me.” 

“No silly pet name?” you tease him. 

“Not when you’re getting me this turned on like a horny teenager,” he whines. 

“You mean like this?” you ask, injecting as much innocence as you can when you slowly drag your clothed pussy across his dick again. 

Joshua throws his head back, eyes squeezed shut, and grips you tighter. “Yes.” 

“So you don’t like it?” you ask, grinding a little more. 

“Fuck,” he hisses out. And somehow that’s the thing that almost breaks you. Why is that one swear so hot on his lips? 

Without saying anything, you sit up a little bit, still making sure you’re straddling Joshua, so that you can pull his shirt off him. Your eyes go wide because you’ve never seen him shirtless. You’ve seen him in well fitted suits or shirts, but this is entirely different. His chest looks like it was sculpted by an artist. All your attention is on your fingers running along his chest and you don’t see the way it makes him a little shy. 

His hands reach for your own shirt, playing with the hem like he’s asking permission. So, you move his hands aside and pull it over your head, leaving your skin bare as well. You watch him drink you in, feeling almost empowered by the desire you see in his eyes. He pulls you back towards him so that he can get one of your breasts into his mouth. The way he teases your nipple with his tongue has you clenching around nothing. You can feel how wet it’s making you and try your best not to squirm when he moves from one breast to the other. 

“I need you,” you utter. 

“I need you, too,” he says against your skin. His hips buck up into you almost involuntarily. 

You slide off of him and pull your shorts down and he gasps that you don’t have any underwear on. It isn’t like you were expecting anything, you just wanted to be prepared. While he’s still a little drunk on the sight of you fully naked, you help him discard the rest of his clothing. The sight of his cock springing free, precum leaking out, has you wanting to get your mouth on him. 

But, you’re realizing, what you really want is to feel him inside you. After so much tension and wondering, you just want to have this moment together. You want to be as close as two people can possibly get. You want all the intimacy and to be able to see his face. It’s this thought that pushes you back to the bed to lay with him. 

Joshua repositions and runs a hand down your body. Lets his fingers run along your thighs and tease their way up to gather some of your wetness. Your eyes close as he runs a finger up your slit. It’s such a little amount of contact and it makes you moan anyway. 

“Damn, are you this wet just for me?” he asks and presses a kiss into the first bit of your skin he can reach.

“I want to feel you,” you admit. Joshua makes you press a finger into your pussy, but you stop him. Confusion takes over his features.

“I thought…do you not want this?” he asks. 

“I do, but I want…I want all of you,” you admit. “I want to feel you deep inside of me. I want to be completely ruined by you. I want to come together.” 

“Shit,” he hisses, hand stilling against your body. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?” you ask.

“I want to taste you soon,” he says, pressing a kiss into your shoulder.

The thought of him between your legs makes you shiver. It’s almost enough to forget that you want this first time to be together. “Deal.” 

“Do you have condoms? I wasn’t exactly expecting…” he says, trailing off.

“That drawer,” you say and point. 

He rolls himself off of the bed to open the drawer. You’re not sure why you expect his hands to be a little unsteady when he rips open the wrapper and rolls it onto himself, but he’s so calm. Maybe it’s just you that’s a little nervous. At least, that’s what you think until you catch the look on his face. It has to be the same as yours, naked want mixed with a little bit of uncertainty. Everything else has been so easy with you, what if this is where it goes wrong? 

“Just lay back,” he urges you, voice calming any lingering nerves. His voice drops to a whisper, like the next statement is just for him. “You’re so beautiful, every single inch of you.” 

It makes your heart constrict in a way that you’re not really prepared for. It would be nice if your feelings could stop flooding in all at once like a dam breaking. It’s overwhelming. You do as he says, though, and lean back against the pillow. Joshua gently spreads your legs apart and takes another moment to appreciate you. He can’t seem to help himself from running a finger along your entrance. 

Even though he would fully be within his rights to tease you, he doesn’t. He lines himself up at your entrance and looks to you for final confirmation. All you can manage is a nod. You know he wants to hear you, but you can’t bring yourself to form the words. So, he accepts the nods and slowly presses into you.

“Fuck,” you hiss as you adjust to him. 

“Are you okay?” he worries.

“Feels good,” you say with a slight whine. “It’s just been a bit.” 

He presses the rest of the way into you and then stills so you can get used to him. It’s really overwhelming. Not just because you’re finally feeling him inside of you. More so because he’s looking at you with more adoration than you’ve ever felt in your life. Like this is it for him. Like you’re it for him. It’s too early to be thinking of love, but you really don’t know if anyone has ever loved you so completely. You think he’s probably it for you too. 

Once he finally starts to move, you know it’s going to be over entirely too fast. He starts with slow thrusts, testing what you want. You dig your fingers into his arms as a way to ground yourself. To anchor yourself to him and in the moment. When he picks up the pace, your mind goes entirely blank. It’s just the right speed. While you love the hard and fast fucking, there’s something so much more intimate about this kind of in between speed. 

“God you feel so good,” he whines as he snaps into you again. “So tight and perfect.” 

“You’re so - oh my god,” you moan out, unable to finish the sentence as he hits you just right. 

Joshua moves one of your legs so that it’s over his shoulder and presses further into you, hitting deeper than you were prepared for.

“Fuck, Joshua, holy shit,” you scream out. 

“Love the sound of my name on your lips,” he manages as his thrusts pick up pace. 

You want to respond that you love saying it, want to say anything, but the thrusts are entirely too much. As if it wasn’t already too much, Joshua adjusts again so that he can press his thumb against your clit. He rubs circles in time with his thrusts and you think that you might see stars. You throw your head back, eyes pressed shut.

“Look at me, baby. I wanna see you when you come,” he urges, his own voice sounding ragged. 

Despite wanting to focus on the pressure building between you, you do as he asks. Your eyes meet his and it’s that look that makes that coil snap. You’re coming hard and digging your fingers into whatever you can find to release some of the tension in your body. This might be the best orgasm you’ve had. 

When you come back to this plane, Joshua has stilled inside of you. One of his hands gently caresses your face as he mumbles quiet praises. It’s so impossibly tender.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, you can move,” you assure him.

“Thank fuck,” he mumbles. 

His pace now picks up to something fast and hard with one of his large hands anchoring your thigh to his body. Your hands grip any part of his body that they can reach and you relish the way he hisses when your nails drag patterns down his skin. Marking him so that he belongs to you. Just as you belong so completely to him. 

It seems impossible but you can feel the tension building low in your stomach again. His thrusts are so hard that you feel like his cock might split you open and something about it just works for you. You hadn’t thought anything about him would translate to this kind of hard and fast sex, but it’s somehow better than you could have imagined. With him so focused on chasing his own high, you rub circles on your clit to bring yourself over the edge again. You tumble over the edge for a second time just as Joshua’s thrusts get erratic. You do your best to take over the rhythm before slowing down. 

Joshua collapses on top of you, cock still buried in your pussy, and sighs. His weight on top of you feels like the best security you’ve ever had. Your hands find their way into his hair, gently stroking and scratching his scalp. As he comes back around, he presses his head further into your hand. 

“Hey,” you say when he looks up at you.

“You’re perfect,” he responds and you can’t keep the smile off your face. 

“You were pretty perfect yourself,” you say. 

“Am I too heavy, I could…” he starts and you pull him tighter against you.

“Don’t you dare,” you warn. 

He doesn’t say anything, just nuzzles his face into your neck. But, you know that you can’t stay like this forever. So you don’t protest when he gently pulls himself up and gets out of the bed. You’re right behind him, leading him into the bathroom so that you can get both of you cleaned up. 

After getting cleaned up, dressed, and doing your respective night time routines, you and Joshua are settled back into your bed (on top of a fresh set of sheets). Although you’ve never been much for falling asleep cuddling, you can’t imagine leaving any space between you and him. When he wraps himself around you, all you can do is smile and settle deeper into his perfect chest. Honestly, every inch of this man is perfect and you’d be annoyed if you weren’t so helplessly attached to him. 

And it’s the best sleep you’ve gotten in a long time. You wake up with his chest pressed into your back and his arm still wrapped around you. It sounds like he’s still asleep based on his breathing and so you’re just considering slipping out of the bed. He moves in his sleep and pulls you tighter against him, making you feel that he’s semi-hard again. You press back against him, almost testing if he’s really asleep. 

He’s not. 

Joshua’s hand, already against the skin of your stomach and underneath your shirt, moves further up to your breast. His hand squeezes your breast and then he brushes his thumb over your nipple. Your body responds to his touch embarrassingly fast, which only seems to spur him on. He’s got your nipple between his fingers before you press back into him again, wiggling your ass against his dick without pretending you’re doing otherwise.

“Good morning beautiful,” Joshua says in a raspy voice into your ear. 

The warmth of his breath along with the pressure of him rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger has you suppressing a moan. In the quiet of the morning, he hears it anyway. He removes his hand from your breast and you want to pout at the loss of contact. That is, until his hand works down between your legs, roughly grabbing hold of your pussy through your shorts. He runs his middle finger through your folds, likely feeling the way your shorts are getting soaked through already. 

“Feels like someone might have woken up ready,” he says into your ear, voice sinfully low. His finger is still slowly teasing you through the damn material of your shorts. Somehow that makes it feel hotter. 

“I wonder why,” you retort, undermined by the way you squirm under his touch. 

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks and stops his movements. 

Your hand immediately moves to his. To guide him back to your cunt. “Please don’t. Want to see what those hands can do.” 

His mouth is still by your ear, so you hear the dark chuckle and feel the air tickle you. He moves your hand aside along with your shorts as he slips his hand inside the fabric. His middle finger resumes the previous pattern almost lazily. You’re about to ask him to stop teasing you when he presses a finger inside you suddenly.

“Fuck,” you nearly scream. 

“Is someone a little sensitive?” he teases. He’s a fucking demon and you would gladly sell your soul so he didn’t stop. 

The way he pumps his finger inside of you is entirely too slow. But, when you try to meet his rhythm, he stops. Just when you think you might actually die, he inserts a second finger. It makes your back arch, pressing your ass further against his now very hard cock. He hisses and pulls his fingers out from you. As you’re turning over to adjust your position, you see him insert his fingers into his mouth. Holy shit. He really is the hottest man you’ve ever met. 

Instead of letting you carry on in any way, he pushes himself up and repositions. You’re not really sure what he’s doing until he reaches for your shorts to pull them off. His focus is on you, silently asking for permission again. All you can do is nod. 

“Told you that I wanted to taste you,” he reminds you once your shorts are off. 

“Are you sure…” you start to ask before he cuts you off.

His head snaps up so he can meet your eyes. “I’ve been waiting to taste you for weeks.”

That shuts you up pretty effectively. What can you really say in response to that? Anything you might have said dies in your throat as he licks a messy stripe up your folds. He quickly settles, using one hand to keep you spread open for him, and licks into you. It’s all you can do to keep your eyes on him as his head bobs between your legs. You thread your fingers through his hair to keep him in place even though you know he’s not going anywhere. (And okay, maybe it’s more to ground yourself to him than anything else.) 

It shouldn’t be surprising that his attentiveness translates this well, but it is a little surprising how well he seems to know your body. The way he knows just when to switch from licking into your cunt to flicking his tongue over your clit. The way he knows when he needs to add a finger and then a second. The way he can tell everything your body needs before you even realize it. 

By the time he pulls himself up your body, he’s got you nearly panting from the build up. The kiss he presses to your lips is sloppy and a little desperate. Like you’re both totally fucked out. His fingers inside you keep a relentless pace as he hooks them, hitting that perfect spot. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you yell out, breaking the kiss. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire in an entirely different way from the night before. 

There’s nothing in the world but Joshua and the way he coaxes everything out of you. The way he has you squirting on his fingers. You’re not even sure if the praise coming out of your mouth makes any sense and you’re definitely not sure what he says in return. It’s all you can do just to appreciate the moment. 

You think that you’re going to get the chance to get your mouth around his cock now that he’s given you another mind blowing orgasm. But, by the time you get your breathing under control, you see that he’s rolling a condom from your drawer onto himself. He pulls you to the edge of the bed so that your legs are hanging off. It’s instantly stronger than you’re expecting from him and pulls a gasp from you. 

Without even thinking, your legs fall open. Joshua seems to have found a bottle of lube, too, and spreads it over his cock. When he lines himself up at your entrance, you expect him to ease in like the night before. He doesn’t. He snaps his full length inside of you in one motion and you’re so overstimulated, but it feels so good.

“Fuck me, Joshua, oh my fucking god,” you say and clench down around his dick. 

“Shit, that feels so good,” he hisses. 

“You feel so good,” you moan. 

“You have no idea,” he answers and starts thrusting. 

It’s a complete haze from the moment you hear his skin slap against your own. Every coherent thought leaves your head. There is nothing in the world but you and him and the way you make each other feel. He leans over your body, crowds your space. Steals sloppy, desperate kisses. Praises you constantly and in broken sentences. It’s all you can do just to hold on, so sore and so unable to stop.

Your hands grip into the sheets around you that are completely rumpled. You try everything to keep your eyes on Joshua’s face. Memorize the way he looks when he’s concentrating. Appreciate how totally gone he is because you’re sure it’s the same look you have. Delight in the way his eyes get even wider when you clench your pussy around him. 

It feels a little like he’s using your body to chase his own high, except there’s total comfort in that. All you want is for him to feel as good as you do. All you want is for him to get that release, especially since you haven’t been able to get your mouth on his cock yet. 

“Harder Joshua, please. I know you’re close,”  you beg and he obliges immediately. 

Even though you’re trying to meet the rhythm, you can’t. It’s too erratic and too unpredictable. So you pull him down to you again and kiss him. Slip your tongue inside his mouth and let the kisses get as sloppy as they need to. You feel how close he is and only kiss him harder. He breaks the kiss for the last few thrusts, groaning as he comes. You’re right there with him. 

(Later, he tells you that he’s never seen anyone hotter than you when you come. It would make you embarrassed in any other situation. But, you realize that you’ve never been with anyone that’s come close to him, so maybe it’s okay to accept his praise. Maybe you deserve it. Maybe this is the person that you’ve been waiting for.)

Now, you really do have to get up and clean up. As tempting as Joshua’s offer to shower together is, you don’t want it to turn into shower sex because that’s just not sexy (or practical). Neither one of you can seem to guarantee keeping their hands off the other. Instead, you tell him that he can use the shower in your guest room. It’s fully stocked and there are still more spare clothes in there. He insists that he should get some laundry going because you must be running out of clean sheets and you definitely made a mess. 

With Joshua cleaning up some around the house, you’re the first out of the shower and dressed. Pleasantly sore in the kind of way you really enjoy. You’re sitting on the couch and scrolling through your phone, trying to decide if you want to order food or just cook what you already have. Before you can make a decision, there’s a knock at the door. It’s impossible to guess who it could be. Even Jeonghan wouldn’t bother you like this. Although he’s been texting asking for an update after you told him you finally got your shit together, he wouldn’t show up like this. 

When you open the door, you’d give anything for it to just be Jeonghan. Instead, you see a face that you’ve been seeing entirely too much lately.

“What are you doing here, Johnny?” you ask with a heavy sigh. 

“I need to talk to you,” he says.

“Why?” you ask.

“Come on, don’t be like that,” he pleads.

“Johnny, it’s the day after your wedding. What the fuck are you doing on my doorstep?” you ask, arms crossed. 

“Are you really going to make me do this in the hallway?” he asks. 

“I don’t see any reason to invite you inside,” you retort. 

“It’s about your, uh, boyfriend,” Johnny says a little awkwardly.

“Joshua?” you ask because that actually piques your interest a bit.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

“No. What about Joshua?” you ask.

“This is really awkward. It would be better if we were sitting down…” Johnny starts.

“My little honeybun, is everything okay?” Joshua asks from inside the apartment. He must be out of the shower. 

“Babe, we talked about the pet names,” you remind him as he joins you at the door.

“Oh, uh, I wasn’t expecting him to be here,” Johnny says.

“I’m her boyfriend, so I know why I’m here. What are you doing here?” Joshua says without hiding any disdain.  "Are you really her boyfriend, though?" Johnny challenges. You stiffen almost imperceptibly, but Joshua must notice it because he wraps an arm around you protectively. "Of course I am. Why are you here?"

“I needed to talk to her,” Johnny says stiffly.

“About you, apparently,” you say with your eyes on Joshua. 

“Right, so can you give us a minute?” Johnny asks with his eyes on Joshua.

“No, he can’t. If you have something to say, just say it. Then you can leave us alone,” you say.

“Fine, if you really want it to be like this, fine,” Johnny says. “I knew he looked familiar when I saw him at your parents’ house with you. It just took me a while. I ran into him at a couple of functions back when I was in college and traveling all around for my dad.” 

“Okay? And? I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why I care,” you say even though you know where he’s going.

“He was always with older women,” Johnny presses. 

“Can you just make your point so we can get back to our day?” Joshua asks.

“Fine,” Johnny says, irritated. “The whispers were that women paid him to come to the events with them. That he was selling himself to them.” 

You actually snort at the phrasing. It takes you several seconds to compose yourself. You wonder what the point of Johnny doing this and if it’s his way of trying to keep you on the hook. Then you realize that you don’t really care what he does. For the first time in forever, you’re genuinely happy. 

“I’m glad you think this is funny,” Johnny says. 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I know how Joshua helped pay for his education. And like why am I going to give him a hard time over seizing an opportunity? There’s nothing wrong with profiting off of someone wanting his company platonically,” you say. 

“You’re assuming he wasn’t also sleeping with them,” Johnny says, a little stubborn.

“No, I’m not assuming. I know he wasn’t because we’ve talked about this. He told me all about it without even being prompted. And unlike certain people in my life, I have absolutely no reason to doubt him. I know I can actually trust him,” you say. “It was also years before we met. We’ve all got history.”

“Nice dig,” he says. 

“It’s not a dig, Johnny. Not everything is a slight,” you say with a sigh. “Where does Gabby think you are?”

“What?” Johnny asks. 

“Your wife,” you clarify. “Where does she think you are?”

“Oh, well, that’s not important. I just said I had some errands to take care of,” Johnny says and you roll your eyes.

“We’re done, Johnny,” you say.

“Wait,” he says as you’re moving to shut the door. “I know I fucked up, but…”

“There’s no buts. Not anymore,” you say. “Maybe there was a point where I’d want to hear the buts and the apologies and all that. I’m happy now, though, and you can’t even tell your wife that you came to see your ex-fiancee the day after your wedding.” 

“It’s not like…” he starts and you start to close the door at the same time.

“It’s exactly like that. Goodbye, Johnny,” you say. 

The second you close the door, you feel a giant weight lifted off you. You just feel tired. It’s obvious that there aren’t any feelings there anymore, so him pretending he cares as a pretense to see you just feels irritating.

“Are you okay?” Joshua asks, eyes raking over you.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you say.

“You sure?” he asks.

“Yeah, really. I think I knew when I saw him at my parents’ house that time you came over for dinner that I was completely over it,” you say. “I’m sorry he tried to bring something like that up or make it a big deal.” 

“I don’t care. It’s like you said, I did it and I’m not ashamed of that,” he says. “But, uh, I really wanted to thank you.”

“For what?” you ask.

“For defending me and for saying you trust me,” he says. It makes you a little shy for a second, so you look down.

“Oh, well, it’s not a big deal,” you say. 

Joshua closes the space and tilts your chin up to look at him. “It’s a huge deal to me. I know we started pretending, but trusting me means the absolute world.” 

“You make it easy,” you admit. 

That seems to render him a little speechless as well because all he does is pull you into him in the tightest hug he’s ever given you. Your body fits into his like a puzzle piece. Which sounds sappy, even if in your head, and you don’t actually care. It’s the safest and the happiest you’ve ever felt.

“What?” he asks when you pull away.

“Nothing, I just think this is going to work,” you say. 

Joshua smiles at you, that genuine smile he saves for when he’s at his happiest. “Yeah, I think so too.” 

i hope you enjoyed this fic! let me know your thoughts 💕

tag list: @aaniag, @gyuminusone, @crepecakeu, @tinyelfperson, @dokyeomkyeom, @amoryeonjun, @miriamxsworld, @hongrizoon, @klecksstorys, @sunflowergyeomie, @straykidswhoo789, @holistic, @vanishingboots, @babybae-shisui, @matchahyuck, @sonybear40, @kimseokgen, @hyneyedfiz, @miujunhui, @graybaeismytae, @hyucksrealm, @livixxn, @sharonxdevi, @coupsystar8, @sana-is-ms-rmty, @pyeonghongrie-main, @naajaeminsgf, @beomesbabe, @magicshop913, @deletingthekisses, @lissiesykes (strikethrough means i couldn't tag, check your settings!)

[kithtaehyung]

May I ask kindly for the continuation? I just don’t really know what to say other than this was stellar. You know how to build characters and fit them together well. And you were right the other day when you said dialogue is your strong suit - though, the rest of what you do isn’t far off.

Honestly, I don’t know how to come here and stream of consciousness like everyone else but I promise I am sweating like they are. For instance, I nearly lost my mind at the popsicle shit, Yoongi is too strong for not running across that yard right there - I would blown it. Even Yoongi’s back, I was like yeah, that’s hot. I might not have words for anyone after the next part.

I had to catch up on a lot this week before I read because, and I know she told you, Riley is keeping me busy helping her post injury (I love her though so I’m happy doing it). This morning she was like “before you help me get ready, go read” So clearly she loves me back because this was fan-fucking-tastic. It was a good break from stress that’s for sure. Also I can’t remember if I ever sent my thoughts on the rest of the 3tan chapters, I can write it again if I didn’t. 

-🎷 

SAX HIIII i'm so sorry for responding to this so damn late! all the bbq asks got buried during the time when i was still trying to get some energy back. ofc you can ask for the continuation bc it's already in the works mwahahahah

thank you so much for the dialogue commentary! it's absolutely my favorite part, and i do think i need to work on a lot of other aspects. you're too kind, though<3

LOLLL we were all sweating during this part, it seems... the damn popsicle shit had me hiding my face bc it was so fcking hot lol. you would've blown it right there? honestly, me too. idk how yoongi was able to hold back but.. maybe he's a long con revenge guy as we can probably see with the lollipop HAHAHA

how is riley? how was the showcase if it's already done?? hope y'all are both doing well! i actually played my violin for a little bit yesterday bc i might use it a lot more in the coming months.

she's such a real one for getting you to read summer bbq LOL i love you both so much. glad you enjoyed and no, i didn't get your thoughts on the rest of the 3tan chapters but literally no rush at all! if you wanna send them in, i would be fcking hype to read them. but take your time!  

[p3terparker]

hi hi! i have a request!!

i’m feeling kinda angsty but also a little uncreative but i do have some dialogue prompts!

“i woke up and you weren’t next to me”

“i can’t keep on doing this. i love you, but i can’t”

“what happened to us?”

it’s up to you wether it’s a happy ending or sad ending MWAHAHAHAH 😈😈😈

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: peter keeps choosing spiderman over you.

𝗮/𝗻: i’m actually kinda proud of how this came out! this is not proofread so please ignore any mistakes😭

𝘄/𝗰: 𝟭.𝟭𝗸

peter broke many promises. although you didn’t like it, it’s something you unfortunately had to get used to. it’s not like he wanted to be unreliable, it’s just that he’s spiderman, and “has” to protect the people of new york. no matter how many times you’ve explained to him that he’s not responsible for the safety of others, he still insists that he could do a better job at protecting everyone.

this led to him always cancelling on you at the last minute — except for today. peter had finally managed to take time out of his busy schedule to have a sleepover with you. he even promised that you two could do whatever you wanted for the night, which he actually kept his word to.

“when i said we could do whatever you want i didn’t have you putting hello kitty temporary tattoos all over our arms in mind.” peter said as you held a wet rag to the last uncovered spot on his arm.

“cmon, you always talk about how cool you would look with a tattoo sleeve! i simply gave you what you wanted.”

“i didn’t mean a hello kitty sleeve! i meant something badass, like a bad boy from a wattpad story.” peter whined with a pout on his face.

“you read wattpad stories?” you teased while removing the rag from his arm and admiring his fake tattoos.

“um. anyways, the tattoos are done so let’s go to sleep like you promised.” peter tried changing the subject due to embarrassment.

“okayyy, i’m pretty tired anyways” you complied as you both got comfortable on your bed. “please don’t leave in the middle of the night” you softly whispered, suddenly getting serious as you rested your head on his chest.

“i promise i won’t leave you babe. get some rest.” peter reassured you, feeling a pang in his chest from the fact that you couldn’t even trust him to stay the entire night with you. he knew it wasn’t your fault for feeling that way; it was his. he’s left you in the middle of the night more than he’d like to admit.

he kept his word for the most part — that was until he randomly woke up. checking his phone, he saw that it was only seven in the morning. he knew it would be pointless to try and go back to sleep, so he decided on scrolling through twitter for a little bit. as he was scrolling, he saw reports of a robbery at a convenience store only 15 minutes away from him.

it’s fine though, the cops would be there any minute.

right?

he tried telling himself that the police would handle it and that it’s not a high level threat. it wasn’t worthy enough for him breaking his promise to you, but he still couldn’t help feeling guilty for not helping.

peter was mentally beating himself up for what he was about to do to you. he gently untangled your arms from around him, and replaced them with a pillow. he slipped on his suit and headed towards your window. he took one last look at your peaceful sleeping figure, and leaped out of the window.

you weren’t surprised to find out that you woke up with no one by your side.

disappointed? yes.

surprised? no.

you didn’t even have it in you to be upset anymore. you were done. you got out of bed and poured a bowl of cereal. as you sat down and ate, you didn’t even bother to text peter. you no longer wanted to hear his excuses.

finishing your breakfast and washing your bowl, you heard your window open and footsteps nearing where you stood.

“i woke up and you weren’t next to me” you said flatly, not even bothering to turn around and look at him.

“i’m sorry y/n, please hear me out—”

“no peter, you hear me out!” you yelled, finally turning around to look at him. “i’m sick and tired of you treating me like a second choice! it shouldn’t take me begging for you to decide that i’m worthy enough of your time.

you treat me like an afterthought, and i’m absolutely sick of it peter. i know you’re spiderman, and you have people to protect, but i am your girlfriend and i deserve to have some time with you.

“i can’t keep on doing this. i love you, but i can’t.”

“y/n wait wait, please we can work this out.” peter practically begged you with tears streaming down his face.

“i’m sorry. i’ve been a shitty boyfriend and i acknowledge that. there’s no excuse for the way i’ve treated you. if i were you, i would’ve broken up with me long ago. i am so glad you’ve given me so many chances even though i don’t deserve them.”

“i’m so ashamed for not giving you as much attention as you deserve. if you would just give me one last chance, i promise we will never get to this point ever again.” peter pleaded with sincerity in his voice.

you thought about it. you wanted to believe him. what if you gave him one last chance? what if he used that chance to break your heart once and for all? you were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice the tears that started to stream down your face.

peter noticed and quickly walked up to engulf you in a hug.

“what happened to us?” you sobbed into his chest, making peter feel even guiltier for hurting your feelings.

“my priority for spiderman happened. i promise that’s long gone now though. you will forever be my number one priority now. i’m sorry it took for this to happen for me to realize.” peter said soothingly as he pet your hair.

you recounted on all of your memories with peter and you just weren’t quite ready to give up on your relationship with him.

“fine, peter. i’ll give you one last chance, but so help me god, if you break your promise again i won’t think twice about breaking up with you.” you sighed, giving in to his pleads.

peter felt the biggest weight lift off his chest.

“thank you so so much princess. i promise i’ll make it up to you.”

“i’m still angry with you.” you said with a monotone voice.

“what can i do to make it up to you?”

“let me put our last hello kitty tattoo on your forehead.”

[nobody7102]

The Spider-Man and Spinneret: Chapter 9

Warnings: HEAVY ANGST, blood, gore, stabbing, hospital and surgery medical talk. Very very sad.

Pairing: Tobey!Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: Wow two chapters in one night! But for real I wanted to get this chapter out ASAP bc in my personal opinion: This chapter is the piece de resistance of my work on this fic... at least until I realize the other chapters. Also: Sorry not sorry in advance Mwahahahah!

Chapter 8. Chapter 10

Master-List

2022

Silence filled the streets, not even the bustling noise of the traffic filled the void. An unusually quiet, an unsettling silence.

Peter stared out at the dark skyline over the Chrysler building. His mask in his hands, jumping when Y/N wrapped her arms around his waist from behind.

“Penny for your dreadful thoughts?” she hummed resting her head in the crook of his neck.

“You have been writing short horror stories too much” he laughed, turning his head to kiss Y/N’s. “I was just thinking about next month” a smile came to his lips. “We finally finished everything, no more saving up money… waiting for your dress or my tux… just us and your parents and Harry and MJ” now he fully turned his body, enveloping Y/N in his embrace. “Mr. and Mrs. Parker” he giggled.

Y/N shook her head, hands moving. One to hold his jaw, and the other resting on his shoulder as she pulled his face closer to hers. Their noses brushing against each other, teasingly.

“It only took us…” she gave a quick peck to his lips “what?” she pecked his lips again “eleven years” she gave him one finally kiss.

“Well its not like we were trying to decide what we wanted to do for a good five years of that waiting, '' Peter hummed, resting his forehead against hers. “Did I ever tell you about what Harry said when I told him we were gonna do it courthouse style?”

Y/N shook her head

“He asked if he could at least throw us a, and I’m not joking this is what he said… he wanted to throw us a ‘rager’” Y/N busted out laughing, wiping a few stray tears from her eyes.

“What are we in college again?”

“That's what I told him, MJ said she just wanted somewhere she could eat cake” Peter smiled watching as Y/N laughed even harder.

“Oh of course that's what she said” She hummed. “We should probably make the rounds again,” she sighed, backing away from Peter and pressed her own mask back onto her face.

He sighed in response, slipping his mask over his head.

__________________________________

As they swung through the streets landing on a rooftop together.

“All my patrol routes were good, how about you?” Peter looked over to Y/N as they landed.

“I had a little trouble in the 6th Precinct but it was small” Y/N huffed. “I don’t wanna jinx it but I think we’re getting an early night” She smiled.

Just as she finished her sentence a scream shot threw the air, Peter groaned “You had to say it..” he chuckled, swinging off of the building.

Following in suit Y/N jumped from the building swan diving down before webbing off to follow Peter.

“Do you hear anything on the scanner?” Y/N looked over to Peter

“Guy robbed a convenience store….and mugged a lady” He huffed “Police think he's heading towards Rockefeller.”

“How about you swing a head to cut him off, I’ll try to trail him”

Peter nodded as the two went their separate ways.

It wasn’t hard for Y/N to spot the guy in the crowd, he was running around like a maniac, but his real mistake was when he climbed up onto the rooftops of buildings to try and hide.

Y/N watched as he hunched behind an AC unit as the police passed by down below, dropping down Y/N creeped up behind him.

“Ya know if you’re trying not to get caught maybe don’t look so suspicious and out of breath” she suggested but quickly jumped backwards realizing the man had started to swing a knife at her.

Y/N dodged the knife with skill, flipping away from the man while trying to restrain him at the same time. But as she turned around from her back flip she failed to realize that the man had snuck up behind her, stabbing the knife into her side, twisting it before pulling it out.

The wind was knocked from Y/N’s lungs as she quickly stumbled away from the assailant. Holding her hand to her side, wincing as she did so.

Pulling her hand away from her injured side, crimson covered her white spandex covered hand. Soaking through the fabrics so much that she knew her hand would be stained, she stared at her hand for what felt like hours before she sank to the ground.

Blood pooling around her body mixing with the cement of the rooftop. Her gasps for breath entangled themselves with the sound of the traffic below.

__________________________

Not long after this Peter webbed the assailant to a wall waiting for the police to arrive, as he waited the assailant scoffed.

“Leave it to the Spider-Freaks, you off one and another pops up waiting to take its place.”

This causes Peter to turn to the man, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and showing him even further into the wall, shoving him so hard that a few of the bricks cracked.

“What do you mean off one?” the man laughed as Peter pressed again “What did you do to Spinneret?” laughter, a haunting laughter just left the man's mouth as Peter frantically started to swing from rooftop to rooftop looking for Y/N.

After a few moments Peter spotted that familiar white and red spandex suit, but as he got closer he noticed the darker red seeping from her side onto the fabric, and the gasps for air that left her mouth

Landing on the roof he ripped his mask from his face as he ran over to

“Y/F/N!” panic filled his voice, taking off her mask as he cradled her and their eyes met.

“Pete-...Pete I- I can’t breathe.” He just nodded frantically,

“You’re gonna be okay, You’re gonna be fine. We are gonna get you to the hospital and we are gonna sort this out” he shifted her weight to carry her, but as he stood a soundless scream escaped Y/N’s lips, blood dripping onto the cement as he held her.

The next few moment were a blur to Y/N, first she was being held by Peter, the next she was being wheeled down a hallway before she blacked out

Peter doesn’t know how he did it. Swinging them from rooftop to rooftop, somehow grabbing and changing them into civilian clothing from clothes lines as they paused on each rooftop. Not that it mattered the same blood that soaked their spandex soaked through their civilian clothes. The same blood stained both of their hands. The same blood that flowed through the love of his life could be found on the rooftops of new york, and now dripped from his shirt and crusted onto his hands as he twisted his engagement ring on his finger trying to distract himself from the fact that the love of his life was in a room, a cold, bright, sterile room fighting for her life.

First an hour passes, then it turns to two. Three hours passed before Peter rose from his seat to meet the surgeon who had just worked on Y/N.

“Mr. Parker, she had a few nasty bleeds, we ended up needing to give her a blood transfusion. Thankfully the knife missed any vital organs, its gonna take her a good month at the least to heal. However I believe she should make a full recovery.”

Physically his only reaction was that a few tears slipped down his cheeks as he thanked the doctor, but inside his heart leaped for joy and his mind finally shoved down all the worries that had filled him only moments ago.

“She’s still sedated but you can go see her if you like”

A nod was all that Peter could muster up, the surgeon gave him the room number and he made his way down the halls of the hospital. As he approached her recovery room his hands started to shake as he continued to twist the engagement band on his finger, taking a few moments to compose himself he reached for the door handle and entered the room

Peter was met with the soft beeping of monitors, and the sight of Y/N sleeping.

All he could think about was how peaceful she looked laying here, her face and hands had been cleaned from the blood, her hair tangled and sprawled out from her face.

He moved to pull a chair next to her bedside before slumping down into it, he buried his face in his hands letting out a sob, unable to contain himself anymore. And so he sat for the next few moments crying before he wiped his eyes and sat him in the chair.

He watched her chest rise and fall, listening to the oxygen tube flow, laying his head down next to where her hands laid.

It wasn’t until he felt a hand weakly run through his hair a few hours later that he woke up. Blinking away the exhaust, his eyes finally adjusted to see Y/N tiredly smiling down at him.

“Hey sweetheart” he immediately sat up taking Y/N’s hand in his. “How are you feeling?” He brought her knuckles to his lips kissing them watching as Y/N hummed trying to think of words.

“You know I’m starting to wonder if this is how you felt stopping that train” Her voice was cracking and strained, yet she still laughed for a moment before grimacing in pain.

“Yeah take it easy,” Peter quickly dropped her hand and stood to pour her a glass of water, walking back over, he brought the glass to her lips letting her take a few sips “You were in surgery for three hours” he explained setting the cup down on a side table “The surgeon doesn’t know how but the knife missed all your major organs” he sat back down taking her hand.

“You…..you ready scared me, Y/N….I thought-” his voice cracked and eyes watered.

“Hey hey hey..” Y/N moved her hand from his, bringing it up to cup his cheek. Peter leaned into her touch, her thumb lovingly rubbing his cheek. “We aren’t going to talk like that,” her voice was still strained.

“Peter you found me, that’s all that matters” she hummed. Peter just nodded, kissing the inside of her palm.

“You know, the surgeon said it should take you a month at the least to recover” he chuckled, still teary eyed. “But he doesn’t know you like I do, give it a few weeks you’ll be on your feet in no time.” he smiled moving to hold her hand, as he did he noticed for the first time since he’d been in the hospital that blood had dried and crusted onto his hands, he looked down at himself fully taking in his own state. The blood had also dried onto his clothes, yet some spots were still damp and clinging to his skin.

Standing from his place he smiled down to Y/N “I’m gonna call Harry and MJ. See if they can bring us some clothes” Y/N nodded watching as Peter left.

Peter walked a few feet away from the door so Y/N wouldn’t hear how he sobbed, muttering under his breath how grateful he was to whatever higher power that had saved his Y/F/N.

After taking a few moments to compose himself he made his way over to the payphones, dialing Harry’s number.

“Harry Osborn, How can I help you?” Harry’s voice sounded annoyed,

“Harry it's Peter.”

“Oh Pete” the change in his voice was sudden

MJ’s voice could be heard from the background laughing “You just interrupted poker night Parker!”

Harry laughed “Did you get a new phone? I didn’t recognize the number?”

Peter shook his head “No I…um….I’m at the hospital Harry” sudden rustling could be heard in front of the other side of the phone

“Are you okay is Y/N okay because Mary Jane and I are on our way right now.” more rustling was heard “Pete’s at the hospital” Harry repeated, Peter could only assume he was talking to MJ.

“I’m fine…..It was Y/N” Peter stared at the floor “I’ll fill you guys in when you get here… but do you guys think you could stop by our place and grab Y/N and I some clothes?” Peter went to scratch his head but stopped remembering the blood crusted on his hands

“Of course Peter, anything you need.” Harry’s voice started to tighten as he talked “Do you need anything else? Does Y/N?” Peter shook his head, not that Harry could see.

“No thanks Harry” his voice drifted

“Okay, I’ll see you when we get there Peter” hanging up the phone Peter made his way from the payphone back to Y/N's room, he stood in the doorway for a few moments smiling as Y/N had fallen back asleep. Looking around the room for the first time he noticed the bathroom on the other side of the room, entering it he finally looked at himself in the mirror.

Blood was the only sight to be seen, bits of blood streaked his face from his hands, his hair, and his whole front side. Letting out a sigh he washed his hands, then moving to bend his head under the sink faucet trying to wash the blood from his head.

It took a while but eventually Harry and MJ showed up at the hospital, it wasn’t his spidey-senses that told him it was the fact that Harry was yelling in the hallway at the doctors.

“I don’t care if he’s already given their insurance I said I would cover the cost, whatever it is” Harry looked to the hospital staff “I’m not trying to be rude I’m just… these are my best firends.” MJ eventually was at Harry’s side putting a set of car keys in her bag,

“Have you found Peter?” her voice was frantic.

Poking his head out of the room Peter smiled softly watching MJ and Harry fuss over him and Y/N.

“Harry, Marry Jane” he eventually spoke up, stepping out of the room so they didn’t wake Y/N.

Running over to Peter Mary Jane quickly evoked him in a hug not caring about the blood on his clothes

“What happened Peter?” Her eyes drifted to the room window when she pulled away from him.

“Ummm…” his voice went quiet. “We were chasing a mugger….and Y/N got stabbed” his arms crossed in front of his chest. “She’s fine, she got out of surgery a few hours ago. Woke up from the sedation just before I called you guys, the nurses actually came in a few minutes ago to run a blood test…”

They nodded before Harry handed over the bag of clothing in his hand “I can see why you needed this” he motioned to Peter’s state.

Peter just nodded in return “You guys can come in if you want” he opened the door to Y/N’s room leading them in.

Mary Jane went to sit in the chair Peter had occupied as Harry stood behind her, setting the clothes inside the bathroom, Peter pulled up another chair on the opposite side of the bed, taking Y/N’s hand in his once again.

“Sweetheart?” he started earning a small groan from Y/N as she turned in the direction of his voice

“I don’t have to leave for more tests do I?” she grumbled her eyes still closed “Because my arm still hurts form the blood draw”

Peter shook his head chuckling “No, look to your left” Y/N just hummed turning her head to the left as instructed, opening her eyes. A smile instantly came to her lips seeing Mary Jane and Harry standing next to her.

“Hey,” MJ’s hand went to hold Y/N’s giving it a squeeze “You look like you had a fun time” she joked causing Y/N to try and hold back a laugh, her hand went to hold her side

“MJ, I love you but please it hurts to laugh” she smiled her eyes then flashing to Harry’s “same goes for you Osborn” she hummed.

Over the next two hours Peter had changed his clothes at some point while Harry and MJ hung out reassuring Y/N and Peter that no expense was too big since Harry and MJ offered to pay for the hospital costs.

Y/N had fallen asleep about an hour after Harry and MJ’s arrival, but the two just stayed talking with Peter making sure he was alright.

Standing to lead them out of the room Peter grabbed Harry and Mary Jane’s arms.

“Listen Har, MJ….can you do me a solid?”

Harry nodded eyes wide still full of worry, “Yeah anything Pete”

“Can you bring Y/N home from the hospital for me? I would bu-”

“You wanna throw her a welcome home party don’t you” Harry grinned.

A sad smile wormed its way to Peter’s lips “Yeah… something like that” he turned to MJ.

“And you” he slipped an envelope to MJ “I might not be there right away when you drop her off, can you give this to her” MJ nodded and then leaned over to give Peter a kiss on the cheek.

“Make sure you get some sleep tonight Peter,” she looked him dead in the eyes waiting for him to nod ‘okay’

As soon as he did MJ and Harry gave him one last hug before leaving.

As soon as it was Y/N’s last night in the hospital, Peter had tears in his eyes as he watched her sleep, with a sad smile he slipped his hand from Y/N’s grasp.

Getting up and turning to leave the room he paused, his hand started to shake as he slid the engagement ring from his finger, placing it onto the roller table in front of Y/N. His hand moved a few strands of hair out of her face before he leaned down to kiss her forehead, not noticing the few tears that had dropped from his cheek to her’s.

He stood there for a few moments opening his mouth to say something but when he did no words left his lips, and so he turned to the door fighting back a sob as he left.

_________________________________________

The next morning Y/N awoke to the sound of bustling in the room, her eyes only focusing on the flowers on the roller table next to Peter’s engagement ring. Moving to sit up a voice filled the room.

“I told you it would wake her up.” her eyes dared to the voice seeing MJ and Harry packing up her hospital bag. “I’m sorry Y/N/N” MJ’s eyes were apologetic.

“I’m not!” Harry smiled “You get to get out of this shit hole today! When we get you home we are gonna drink and order foo-” “Harry she’s on meds she can-”

Y/N drowned out their voices as she picked up Peter’s ring and examined it. “Where’s Pete?” her voice broke their squabble.

“He said he was gonna run to the store to grab some stuff before you got home, which is why we’re taking you home” Harry plopped down on the bed next to Y/N noticing Peter’s ring.

“He went out patrolling!” Harry exclaimed.

Y/N smiled at how much Harry and MJ had picked up on about their hobby, yes the two never wore any jewelry out on the job especially their rings. Shaking her head she turned to Harry.

“Are you gonna help me out of this bed so I can change or am I staying here all day” she joked.

_______________________________________

It took a bit but thanks to Harry, Y/N’s discharge went off without a hitch. Flinging the door to their apartment open Harry dropped all of the bags he held on the floor as MJ guided Y/N into the living room.

“You should sit” MJ suggested.

“Mary Jane I love you but I have been on my ass for weeks” she chuckled.

Y/N watched from her standing position as Harry bright the bags further into the apartment and MJ went to get Y/N a glass of water.

“Oh Y/N/N.” MJ exclaimed, running over to her purse pulling out the envelope. “Peter said to give this to you if he wasn’t home right away” she handed the envelope off.

A small smile gracing her lips, Y/N opened the envelope and pulled out a letter. Her eye’s scanned over it and became empty, she set the letter on the coffee table, collapsing to the couch. Harry quickly made his way over to Y/N checking to make sure she hadn’t hurt herself.

Mary Jane went to the letter reading it out loud

“You were there because of me…..if….if I hadn’t talked you into coming into that spider lab with me, we wouldn’t be in this mess. You wouldn’t have been laying in that hospital bed, you never would have been on that roof, and you definitely wouldn’t have been stabbed” her voice cracked she read.

“This is my fault…all of this…” she sat down on the coffee table across from Y/N and Harry as tears started to litter her cheeks.

“You know that I’ve lost so much. I lost Uncle Ben, I lost Norman, Doctor Octtavius. I almost lost Harry……I cant-...I don’t know what I would do if I lost you too… Uncle Ben always said that with great power would come great responsibility and this is me… taking the responsibility of keeping you and everyone else we love safe…” she paused once more

“Please don’t look for me or try to find me… it won’t work….just know that I love you, and I’m doing this because I love you” Mary Janes eyes went to Y/N as she finished the letter.

There was no emotions on Y/N’s face, no light in her eyes as she spoke,

“That's why he left me his engagement ring… that's why he had you two pick me up from the hospital….he didn’t want me to keep his ring safe for him…..he knew he wasn’t coming back” her voice cracked and her eyes watered yet still Y/N’s face was void of emotion entirely.

Day’s had passed and Y/N hadn’t spoken to anyone, had hardly left the couch. Let alone touched anything in her and Peter’s room.

Mary Jane and Harry stopped by to check in but nothing good ever came from it, it was just Y/N smiling and being polite when all she wanted was to be alone.

No.

Not alone, she didn’t want to be alone, she never wanted to be alone.

She just wanted him.

The months she spent alone turned into a year… a year before she did anything, a year before she wrote, a year before she finally started hanging out with Harry and Mary Jane again.

And a year before she put on her suit… it had been stitched up and patched where she had been stabbed and the blood was gone, but every time she put it on she could still feel the dampness of blood start to soak through the fabric.

And so the Duo became one, one lonely spider against the evils of New York. Of course she always looked for him, peering down dark alleyways, standing on top of the Chrysler building watching for that flash of red and blue to swing past her.

Spinneret was never the same after the disappearance of Spider-Man and everyone in the city knew it.

__________________________________

“Hey New York….it's been a while. I know that as of lately I haven’t been the best protector, but this is me. Trying to do better. Not just for you guys but for me….because now it's just me……Just Your Friendly Neighborhood Spinneret…”

A/N: Again: Sorry not sorry.

[blrush]

Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding Fic

Woops, I slipped and have turned the first two tiny episodes of fluff into an 8000 word epic historical fanfic. Please enjoy my angsty, melodramatic, tension filled fic version of this silly show. WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL.

The main things I have changed so far;

- the marriage is high stakes - lives on the line, gambling debt, secrets, etc. ie; Ho Seon is GAY, hello, - which is why he couldn’t/wouldn’t marry on his own. and Ki Wan’s sister is GONE like baiii not coming back she yeeted herself out of the story, Ki Wan is properly married to Ho Seon for good not just “till his sister gets back” because we need STAKES honey, we need TENSION. - Ki Wan’s true identity remains hidden (for now) to add to said tension. - the sister in-law is gone (hate her, gross no thanks) - the mum is AWESOME but also sick and old, hence the desperation for the daughter-in-law for her only son (so sad, I made myself sad). - Ki Wan and Ho Seon are full of mutual angst and pining and confusion and guilt; Ki Wan for keeping his gender a secret, and Ho Seon for keeping his sexuality a secret and they are both slowly falling for each other (secretly) MWAHAHAHAH ANGST

update: I have now also made Tae Hyung a creepy evil antagonist. sorry babes but I am not here for love triangles, I’m here for life threatening situations.

Enjoy!

Part 1: The Wedding Night [x] Part 2: Newlyweds [x]

Update: Part 3: The Honeymoon Is Over [x]

[iwannawritelots]

Obey Me! Babes Working as a Courier Headcanons

June 2022

This is 100% (sinful) self-indulgence since this is literally my occupation atm. For context, I am a courier at a cancer hospital and medical research facility (my employer is the hospital but there’s some crossover between facilities within the job). The campus for the hospital and research facilities takes up a lot of space. The courier team mostly delivers samples (of blood, urine, spit, bone marrow, etcetera) to and from labs, but also important papers or packages.

My walking headcanons were written largely because I was having a difficult time with the training for this job lmao (so much walking, I was not ready)

I ended up not putting Thirteen, Mephisto, and Raphael in this headcanon even though I intended to🥺

Lucifer💙

100% the courier manager lmao

I’m not the manager and I don’t speak to mine often so I’m unsure how it’s different from the courier lead (we have both at my workplace) because both are being backup for any of the courier routes, planning schedules, and communicating with superiors… but there’s probably something Lucifer is used to doing in canon like paperwork, so he gets that here too. Sorry Luci

Mammon💛

this boy gets the “intercampus” route, meaning he walks between all the different buildings lmao

In canon he’s the fastest boy, which is why he’s there honestly

Plus it seems like Mammon would not be able to sit still, he’d lose his goddamn mind if he was. Pray he doesn’t have a slow day

Though since he’s so fast he ends up with downtime anyways lol. poor Mammon

Probably has to triple check himself while doing chain of custody because his brain is all over the place and you can’t just put the wrong information down lol

Leviathan🧡

I honestly kinda don’t want to give Levi a route bc as the character I am the most like, I feel like he’d be miserable trying to interact with all the people

Most of the time everyone minds their business but my anxiety (and other mental issues) makes me forget how to speak sometimes so lol Levi won’t be thrown to the wolves, go watch Ruri-chan and draw commissions in your room Levi🧡

Satan💚

This boi is the courier lead

Does some of the same stuff as Lucifer, but also does more courier-ing of not samples, like work packages and company credit cards

He’s super charming and that’s a bit important here since the courier lead interacts with lots of people, I’d just be careful not to frustrate him too much rip

Asmodeus💘

I’d imagine he’d be doing the car route, which basically is driving between buildings that are further away

I put him here because it’s not going to make him all that sweaty— and while I’m sure he’d deal with that if he had to, he will definitely take any opportunity not to

Asmo would 100% stretch the dress code as much as he could out of spite. Gets cute sneakers and is always on the edge of getting in trouble for what he’s wearing

Beelzebub❤️

He gets the big boi van route

It’s mostly because there’s heavy stuff to transport between buildings and he’s the strongest as far as actual muscle and not magic in-game lol

there are samples but this route does paperwork and packages more than the others

Plus he could eat in the van -3-

Belphegor💜

I don’t think Belphie would be able to exert enough energy for this job. Not shaming Belphie here, I just think he wouldn’t have the willpower to do it or he wouldn’t in the first place

(I will shame Belphie for other things though. Not this, but other things)

Diavolo❣️

Medical courier, delivers medicine (mainly chemo) to nurses

He’s friendly, so talking with patients (sometimes you have to in this route) would be a piece of cake for him.

I also kind of want to see him in scrubs, this is the only route that makes you wear them lmao

Barbatos🖤

He works the hospital route, meaning he never leaves the hospital building and brings samples to labs within the hospital

I put him here because these samples are almost always needed to be delivered quickly and Barbatos is very efficient

Simeon🤍

He gets my route mwahahahah which is… the night shift courier. Basically does the car route and the hospital route all shift

I put him here because he’s friendly and could probably deal with strangers/other departments that also work at night better than I do lmao

Also he’d get time to work on his manuscripts since night shift isn’t all that busy. Most labs are closed or not getting new samples until the next day

Solomon🤎

Our shady boy is in charge of the route that kinda just helps all the other routes.

He’s just kinda there to help out, usually stuck doing mundane duties for another department until someone needs his help

Doesn’t mind it probably lol

[delcakoo]

Hey koobear hyd m’love

I’m not as peppy as today coz I feel a bit ignored 🥲

I have art elective and for out first assignment we had to choose candies and hot glue them to a piece of paper in contrasting positions and that would be our realistic reference (WE GOT TO EAT SOME CANDYS MWAHAHAHAH) so yeah and I did that and I was drawing and yada yada you know drawing

And I was pretty proud of it I thought I did the details well. My art teacher, who has so many things to say about every students art piece, DIDNT say anything about mine, nothing negative. She said that I captured everything wonderfully, and for her to have no negative feedback was once in a blue moon, and I took pride into being the blue moon girl.

And so I was proud of what she said. I told my friends in my art, and showed them my art, and all they said was just… good. No “that’s really cool!” Or “wow you did well!” Just… good. When I uprooted them and old them their art was actually so pretty like their elements were chefs kiss (it actually was!!! Like v cool) though they kinda have a little bit of flaws but I wasn’t gonna put them down, they were minor anyway so I didn’t care and knew I wouldn’t appreciate if someone pointed out my minor flaws.

It’s not like I was asking for something in return… I was just hoping for some uplifting tooo… like who doesn’t like compliments.. I would’ve appreciated some too… it makes me feel so selfish idk

Ans when I showed it to my parents they also just said “mm ok” like? Like it’s my parents now and I always try so hard to at least make them a little bit proud but they just hummed ok. I worked rlly hard on it too but everyone I’ve been showing it to just says… “ok, good, cool” :( some reassurance would be nice…

Here’s my drawing if you wanna see it

But yeah anyways hyd m’love!! 💗💗🥰🥰😘😘

bruh i totally understand how you feel :((( im so sorry you had to go through that like gen.. when you give people your utmost attention n’ compliments just to receive nothing back augh it’s the worst. they don’t deserve you kuma love im gonna 👊👊💥 🙂🙂 pls dont feel guilty for feeling that way cuz its totally valid and unfair for you.. especially from your parents like..???

BUT HOLY SHIT YOUR DRAWING IS AMAZING KUMA?? YOURE SO TALENTED LIKE FR I THINK THEY WERE JUST JEALOUS OF YOU CUZ DAMN.. THE DETAILS ON THE WRAPPER BrO YOU DID SO GOOD WITH THE SHADING AS WELL..??? TEACH ME UR WAYS 🙁🙁🙏🙏💖💖💖 pls uR DRAWING LOOKS BETTER THAN THE REAL THING 🙄🙄

AND IM GOOD LOVE!! TY FOR ASKING I DIDNT DO TOO MUCH TODAY BESIDES MAKING MY FRIEND WATCH AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER CUZ THE UNCULTURED MF HASNT WATCHED IT.. WE R ALMOST AT BOOK 3 IM SO PROUD OF HER 🙏🙏😍😍

[theriverpersonshadow]

Lamia Drama Part 8

WELL THAT GOT LONGER THAN I INTENDED. But I guess that’s what happens when you have a majority of the people in one place XD

I hope this chapter went well... It felt kinda rambly, but it was fun seeing people play off each other. It was hard to get the same level of depth with characters as previous chapters with so many, but hey, interactions are fun too! Hope you guys enjoy.

As always, the species of lamia in this fic belong to @vex-bittys

< PREV | BEGINNING | NEXT >

           Keith and the rest found Alex pretty easily. And a few other lamia that were either allowed free roam or had just slipped out. She didn’t seem to notice the onlookers, more caught up in petting Oozy… who wasn’t technically in his hammock. Maybe it’s best he didn’t make that bet with Hux earlier. Sure, Oozy’s close to the hammock, but Hux would absolutely rules lawyer him and demand snacks because he’s not in the hammock. Hux was a rule stickler… when and only when it helped him in some way. Eh, Keith could roll with it though (even if his dice sometimes couldn’t, but that’s what a DM screen is for).

           Keith was hesitant to break up the cute moment between the two – Oozy was apparently having the time of his life, and Alex seemed pretty wrapped up in it herself, humming some tune or another while stroking him. Keith listened, trying to place it, but…

           She was repeating it, huh? Was that the only part of the song she knew? Then again, it seemed like the good part, whatever it was. Easy enough to pick up too. Keith started humming along.

Hux rolled his eyes, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like “great, two of them” and slithered over, “Yo. Girl person. Ya coming or what?”

Alex looked up, “I mean, yeah, I think? Coming where?”

“nooooooooo…” Oozy said, taking her hand and putting it back on his head. “Sorry guys. I’m stealing her. She’s my personal petter now. That’s the rules.”

“Since when?!” Hux said.

Oozy looked a moment, then licked her hand. “I licked her, she’s mine.”

Keith stared at him in shock, not sure whether to laugh or slap him. “Dude.”

Nikolai gave a heavy sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose, “Don’t lick party members. Or people in general.”

           “How does that work anyways? You’re a skeleton,” Alex said.

           “Maaaagic,” Keith said, wiggling his fingers in emphasis. “In other words, uh… Monster biology is weird. Or half monster biology. Whatever the fuck we are.”

           Nikolai nodded, “More or less, yes. I can explain it in more detail later, if you’d prefer.” He started coming forward and Alex inched away. Keith hissed before he could catch himself, but Nikolai didn’t seem offended. Instead, he lowered himself in a bow, “And I’d like to apologize for how I acted earlier… I’ll admit I, erm… Overreacted. But we’ve had issues in the past of people coming in to steal babies or eggs, one of the fools tried to snag a mamba egg and got himself killed. I just get a bit jumpy about strangers around them.”

           Alex nodded, relaxing a little, but still staring off at a clock instead of Nikolai. Her hand continued to run across Oozy as she said, “I get it. They’re just little dudes, too freaking small. And some are venomous. Not like you knew me.”

           “Still, I should’ve given you more of a chance or at least asked you politely to leave before turning to threat displays,” Nikolai said.

           “Eh… It was my fault,” Keith said. “I should’ve warned ya I was bringing someone in. Anyways, let’s try this again. Alex, this is Nikolai. He could probably fuck you up, but he’s everyone’s mom.”

           Nikolai made no move to deny it.

           “Hux here is the grumpy snake. He’ll warm up to ya.”

           “No I won’t.”

           Keith rolled his eyes, “He’s just a grump.”

           Hux mumbled to himself.

           “I think you’ve met Oozy pretty well by now.”

           “Sup,” Oozy said, making absolutely zero movement.

           “And, erm… Nikolai, you’ve got Trousle, right.”

           “Hello human! I’m Trousle! Please let me say hi.” Said Trousle’s little speaker. He was poking out from Nikolai’s sleeve, apparently wrapped around his arm.

           “He’s mute, but he’s pretty fast at typing. Got his own phone and everything,” Keith said, watching this girl intently. Apparent soulmate or not, if she was dick about Trousle, she was out of here. She might’ve earned Oozy’s enthusiastic (well… enthusiastic by his standards, dude looked like a kid in a candy store, but the world’s laziest kid) approval, but he wasn’t going to let an asshole mess with the little dude. Hux would warm up, that was more him being a bit of an ass than her, but he’d get over it… probably.

           “Oh that’s cool! Do you have a phone number? Honestly I think my fingers work better than my mouth sometimes, but I guess talking out loud doesn’t really have a backspace key? But yeah! C’mere… Wait, I can hold him, right? Snakes are just, like, noodle puppies.” She paused, looking at everyone in the room. “I’d offer to hold you guys, but I am literally the second smallest person in here. I mean, guess we can try, but I don’t think it’ll go well?”

           Keith snorted. Gosh, she was something, huh? A little awkward, but who wouldn’t be super awkward in this situation?

           Nikolai brought Trousle over and she draped him around her neck. He nuzzled her cheek, giving her little scratches behind the ear.

           … should someone tell him that she’s not a dog?

           …

           Naaaaaaaaaah. She didn’t seem to mind anyways,

           Hux made a fake-gagging gesture at the two and Keith rolled his eyes, whispering at them, “Oh let’em have this. It’s cute.”

           “I’m getting diabetes. Like, right now. They’re just beaming diabetes across the room.”

           “Be nice,” Nikolai said, “It’s not going to kill you to have to actually smile at a human once in a while.”

           “Yes it will. It’s, like, a terminal thing. If I smile at a human, I will instantly turn to dust.”

           No such condition had ever existed and likely never would.

           Keith’s first instinct was to back up Nikolai, but it was almost an in-joke that he’d at least try to defend Hux no matter how clearly in the wrong the guy was. Admittedly, it was as often as not either due to boredom or just feeling bad for the guy…

           It’s not like Hux didn’t have a point – a point that he had iterated in frustrated, sometimes tear-filled tirades at least a few dozen times. He didn’t want to be treated like a pet, he’s allowed to not want to be a pet. Sure, not every adopter is like that. Some might’ve been looking for pets, yeah, but just as many want a kid or a friend, especially with full sized lamia. It could be more or less just like adopting any other monster, save for needing a good deal more raw meat. But Hux didn’t see it that way… Not that Keith ever blamed him. There wasn’t a huge market for full-sized Corals, their reputation as being stubborn, a bit lazy, and tsundere as hell was cute in something you could pick up and snuggle as it chirped indignantly and secretly enjoyed it – like an extra intelligent, reptilian cat – but less so when it was just as big as you and probably stronger. Everyone wanted a housecat, no one wanted a mountain lion. Or those that did need something to growl and hiss would probably pick Kings or Mambas.

           Nikolai gave a long-suffering sigh, “You will not turn to dust if you’re forced to be nice every now and then.”

           “Yeah I will. It’ll, like, strangle my soul or some shit. Keith, back me up here. Tell ‘im.”

           Nikolai had the distinct impression of a haggard mom trying to reason with an unruly kid. He just looked so done. Dude could handle customers, angry mamba moms, being a jungle gym for babies, and training employees who may or may not have believed he knew he what he was doing, but Hux was his breaking point.

           Keith stifled a chuckle, stuffing his hands in his pockets as his mind worked over what to do… He didn’t want to just abandon Hux – Nikolai would know it was just him being a loyal bro – but Alex wouldn’t. She might not’ve been looking at them, but he caught the way she kept glancing over…

           “Welp, ya heard him. He’s sick. I prescribe ten CC’s of coffee with extra sugar and bribery with shiny objects.”

           Hux’s head popped up, body at attention. “I’m listening… How many shiny objects are we talking.”

           “… we’re not bribing him.”

           “I’ve got extra dice?” Alex said hesitantly. Trousle was looking at her in concern, patting her face. She said, “I mean, I kinda like having all my dice, but I guess I don’t need seven sets… I’m keeping the black ones though, they’re good for fight scenes. And the orange ones, they were my first set ever and are not for sale. Also, the green and purple ones are just a fae vibe, I’m keeping them. They’re just average, but I like them.” Pause. “And the lesbian dice are mine. They won’t like you anyways, you’re a boy.”

           All of them nodded understandingly. You could only play DnD so long and not get irrationally attached to the colorful little click clack rocks of fate.

           “That counts as one shiny object,” Hux said.

           “There are seven in each set!” Pause. “Well, more or less. I’ve lost some over the years.”

           “You’ve got a point… More dice for the dice dragon! Mwahahahah!” Hux said, hamming it up.

           Keith’s mouth twitched into a grin as he shook his head at the goof. How was he this cute? Just… goober. His friend is a total goof sometimes.

           “Can I try the lesbian dice?” Trousle asked, holding himself at an awkward position to type.

           “I… I guess? Just give them back after…” Alex said. She ran a finger across Trousle’s head, smiling as he let out little breathy attempts to “Nyeh.”

           “Why are they lesbians anyways? Do they only work for girls?” Nikolai said.

           “Here, lemme show you.” She unzipped one of the pouches on her bag and brought out a baggy full of dice that were lesbian flag colored. “My friend got them for me for Christmas.”

           “That’s amazing. I want twelve,” Keith said.

           “You’re not a lesbian… or a girl! I think… I mean, if there’s something you want to tell us, that’s fine, but I was under the impression you weren’t even interested in relationships,” Nikolai said.

           “Maybe I could get, like… Dice that are for people who are just no.”

           “Ace and aro. Probably,” Alex said.

           “Oh cool. Words for it. Nice!”

           “Give me words for friends with everyone! I want a flag too!”

           “I… I don’t know if there’s a flag for that? Maybe we could put a dog on a flag? It’d be hard to make dice with dogs on them though,” Alex said.

           “Ya could put a little dog face on every side and interpret the roll based on how much they’re a Good Boy,” Keith said.

           “That would only roll Nat 20’s,” Alex said, deadpan.

           “… good point. It could be the luckiest dice,” Keith said, grinning.

           “I AM THE GOODEST BOY. Give me dog dice.” Trousle said, tucking the phone away to throw his little fists in the air, a gleam in his eye as he sat on Alex’s head.

           Keith laughed. “Oh my gosh. I mean, that sounds adorable, but, uh… I think that miiiiight be a little too game breaking, even for me.”

           “Give me dog dice.” He slithered back down to around Alex’s neck, holding himself out towards Keith the best he could and giving some mix between a glare and a pout.

           “Trousle no.”

           “Trousle YES,” Alex said.

           Troulse nodded enthusiastically, bouncing in place so hard that he fell off and Alex yelped as she caught him.

“Are you alright?!”

           Trousle gave a thumbs up, coiling around her arm.

           Oozy had apparently fallen asleep on the floor, so Hux poked him with a stick, making Oozy whine. “Soooooo… Are we gonna get Glitterass, or are we just shadow banning him from this? I mean, I wouldn’t say no if we are…”

           “We should probably go get him, yeah,” Keith said. “Ya ready Alex? Liam’s a mamba, and one of his eyes don’t work. Try to stay on his good side, literally. Metaphorically too if you want, but he doesn’t like having people where he can’t see or hear them well.” Not that anyone would like that, just courtesy really, but maybe not something you’d think of immediately.

           Alex nodded, “Alright, let’s go!”

[leopardprintismybrown]

Time for confessions

(From Music Life August Issue 1985)

In May, Queen made their sixth visit to Japan. Despite the disturbing rumous of a breakup, the concert was still amazing and once again the Japanese performance was a huge success. After Freddie’s interview for last month’s issue, this month we will share an interview with Roger Taylor and John Deacon. They will be open about confidential topics never shared before: the truth about the breakup, what will happen to Queen…

**********************************************************

★ This was the best tour even according to them

First of all, this year’s concert was awesome. It was very impressive and, in my opinion, it was better than any previous performances.

Roger: Really?! Thank you so much. Even in our opinion, this world tour was the best we’ve ever done.

John: Before coming to Japan, we’ve performed in Australia and New Zealand. Our last time in Australia was nine years ago and this was our first time in New Zealand, but the concert in Sidney was particularly great.

Roger: Exactly. 70000 people attended the 4 concerts in Australia. The tickets were all sold-out and right about that time the album was at the second place, it was amazing. Though, apparently, it was the wrong season. The weather in Australia is usually very nice, but it kept raining throughout our stay!

Well, well… And how was the response of the Japanese audience?

Roger: Very good! It’s not flattery, I’m serious. Since the security was strict, I had the impression that the people weren’t participating as expected, but everyone was singing with us and it was great!

John: Speaking of which, yesterday Roger and I were discussing about how many times we’ve performed at the Budōkan. I guess 15-16 times, maybe 17?

The staging and the set changed but it was as impactful as ever. When did you start with that stage set?

John: After “The Works” was completed. We started with the European tour. Then we toured South America, Brazil… and after that Japan. The one who designed that stage was…

Roger: Me! (laughs) Then with our tour manager we thought of a stage designer in Los Angeles. Basically, it’s the atmosphere of the movie “Metropolis”.

I was overwhelmed by the stage set, but I was really surprised to hear the early Queen numbers such as “Liar” and “Seven Seas of Rhye” because I wasn’t really expecting to hear those songs…

Roger: Uhm, we selected the songs together. The tour with this set started with Europe, but in the middle of it we wanted to include some early songs, too. Then we decided to do a medley with 5 early songs and to put it into the set halfway through the European tour.

John: We’ve played so many songs so far, that I even forgot some of them. It was so hard to remember! (laughs)

★ The scary story behind Rock in Rio

I have a few questions about “Rock in Rio” that took place in Brazil on January of this year. You’ve already played concerts in Brazil so far but this was the first time in Rio, right?

John: Yes, we’ve been to Argentina and Brazil in ‘81, but we only played at Sao Paulo Football Stadium. This was our first time playing in Rio, but the hall and the audience was great.

Roger: It was the biggest concert we ever did. We did two shows, the first day and the Friday night, and each one was attended by 250000 people. Everyone sang with us and the atmosphere was great! There was no violence.

John: And we were lucky. The two nights when we played it didn’t even rain. It was an outdoor location and the rain could have been a problem. The ground gets messy because of the mud... It rained the day Rod Stewart played.

Did you have the chance to watch the performances of other bands?

Roger: Of course. I saw Whitesnake. I also met Cozy and…. Oh yeah, I saw Rod Stewart.

John: I didn’t go… the venue was so distant. However, there are bars with televisions in Brazil and groups of young people watched together the part of the event that was broadcasted every night. AC/DC were good.

Would you care to share some interesting anecdotes?

Roger: Oh! I have a lot, but those are not properly the kind of stories to tell. (laughs) Because it was like a 10 day long party.

John: Oh yes, a lot happened…. Let’s see… The first day we had a hard time. Rio is a traffic jam. For this reason, the people in Rio leave their cars on the road when it gets jammed and walk. So we decided to go the venue by helicopter, just in case. However, the road was not packed at all and we arrived way too early.

Roger: Yes, we had to be at the venue by 6 o’ clock and we couldn’t be late. It’s good that we arrived early, but our set actually started at 2 in the morning! Next time we’ll go by bus no matter what!!

John: Also, it was fun to be able to meet people we haven’t met before. With him (if you look at the picture on ML April Issue, he’s pointing at Neil Murray) it was the first time. Oh, this is a picture we took at the party in the hotel (he’s looking at the picture of Brian with a local fan), Brian looks drunk. He jumped into the pool. (laughs)

What?? I can’t imagine Brian jumping into the pool! Well, now that you say that, his hair and trousers are soaked… Anyway, it looks like you enjoyed “Rock in Rio”! (laughs)

Roger, John: Yes, a lot! (laughs)

★ It was difficult (The Works)

It’s been almost 12 years since Queen was formed…

John: Yes, it’s been 12 years… 12 years! (he suddenly makes the imitation of an old man) 14 years that I’ve known the other members.*

In these years you’ve established your own musical style, you’ve released many wonderful records, and you’ve written a brilliant and shining page in the history of rock. And also, each member is now working individually as a musician. Is there a special reason for working outside of the group?

Roger: Uhm, my personal reason is simply because I like to work.

John: It was very difficult to complete “The Works”, to be honest… Of course, all of us want to pursue Queen. But it’s true that preserving the group is hard. When we entered the studio, we had a lot of expectations but it was as if the time was just flowing rapidly without realizing it… The recording of “The Works” took too much time and it was a bit tiring. Four people were not on the same page, musically speaking... though, of course, we made it work in the end, somehow. But this is the case for every band that has been around for years.

It must be difficult, because every member of Queen is an independent musician.

John: The next plan is to take a break for a while and then go back to the studio around November. This time we’re also going to change the producer.

Do you already have ideas for the new album?

Roger: I have something vague in my mind, but nothing concrete. I want to do something different from “The Works”. I think that “The Works” is a good album with a mix of modern and old elements, but we have to keep changing. “Tonight” by David Bowie was a mistake, in my opinion. The album was released too soon and it hadn’t changed enough.

★ Break up? We will someday

Do you want to do something in particular in your time off? Is John going to make a solo album?

John: I thought about it. I went to a little studio in London but I don’t have time to think during tours. But when it comes to singing… I’m sorry, but I need to get someone’s help for the song. (laughs)

And Roger? Are you going to make a third solo album?

Roger: I have no plans for a solo album but I’m producing something, lately. Sideway Look, Jimmy Nail… Jimmy Nail made it to the top 20 in the UK charts. It was the first record I produced, so it’s all the more satisfying!

Are there any musicians or bands you want to produce in the future?

Roger: Yes, a lot. Jeff Beck, and also Rod Stewart. It looks like we can do a good job.

Have you listened to Freddie’s solo album?

John: I’ve listened to some songs, but not to the whole album, yet. “Made in Heaven” is a good song.

Roger: The one I like more is “Made in Heaven”, too.

Finally, I’d like to ask a slightly more serious question. There’s been rumours about Queen breaking up…

Roger: (bursts into laughter) Mwahahahah…

Of course, I don’t want to believe in these rumours, but I’d like to know the truth.

John: Well, someday we will breakup. But does anybody know when this someday will be?

Roger: In these 14 years, we’ve always denied with a firm “NO!” whenever someone asked about Queen breaking up. That’s just a rumour. There are absolutely no plans to break up at the present day. I wonder if everyone wants Queen to break up so bad... (laughs)

John: Certainly, touring is getting harder, because we have to completely change the shows and the approach. But it’s been decided that we’ll work on the new album starting from November.

Please continue your work with Queen forever, no matter what form you want it to take in the future. I think this is the wish of all the fans.

Roger, John: Thank you very much. You’re right, that is way better than breaking up.

Ok, this is really the last question. What do you want to do in the future as members of Queen and as individuals?

Roger: Personally, I want more kids! (laughs) As a Queen member, I want to be more successful in America. It’s true that we have a certain notoriety in America, but the last album didn’t sell that well… Well, there are ups and downs in everything. That’s why I want to hit big in America again. To achieve that, we must do a looooong tour centered in Midwest. (laughs)

Roger and John have clearly denied the breaking up of Queen. They’ve talked about ambitions for the future, like achieving a bigger success in America. Their eyes focused on the future have still not lost their glow.

*I don’t own the magazine where this interview was released so I cannot double check. I think the numbers have been reversed because Queen formed in 1970 before John met them. And if you read further below, Roger mentions 14 years of activity.

**********************************************************

A/N: As always, I am not an English native speaker, so forgive any possible error. Also, remember that translating into a foreign language is difficult and I hope I have preserved the original meaning.

[itsalliepg]

Writer’s tag

Thanks for the tag @choicesbyjade <3 sorry for the delay, I had a stressful week at work, but now everything is fine again! :)

Talk about your WIPs

I’m focusing now in Friends to Lovers (Zig x Chris) which is about to finish, two chapters more! And also in What Happened In Vegas pairing Drake and Erika (MC), with lots of angst. I have another angst series with my OTP Zig and Scarlett (MC) with angst and some smut, with my ideas for a more thrilling end for The Junior. I’ll post after I end the series about Zig and Chris.

What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing?

My favorite part is when I’m able to express what I was thinking. My least favorite part, as a Portuguese speaker, sometimes it’s dificult to express some ideas in English, mostly slangs. And sometimes when I forget some ideas I had when I wasn’t writing LOL

Favorite character you’ve written?

My OTP Zig and Scarlett (MC). I also had fun writing about him and Chris, Mark and my MC Renata, and Jax and Adrian.

What are you planning to work on next?

Oh, okay, I have LOTS OF IDEAS LOL let’s go:

1. Zig and Scarlett’s wedding and honeymoon! And also about their life as a married couple and their kids! (I’ve already chosen how many kids and their names!)

2.An AU with Zig and Scarlett which can be a little controversial. I had this idea when I watched a documentary TV show about that. I can promise is a very SEXY series!

3.An AU with (guess who) Zig and Scarlett (they’re really my favorite, I love them so much) where they don’t get together at the end of The Senior and their paths cross again five years after graduation. Angst and danger for my babies MWAHAHAHAH

4. A modern AU about Desire and Decorum, pairing my MC Elise and Prince Hamid.

5.Another modern AU about A Courtesan Of Rome.

6. About The Royal Heir, a series with my MC Kelly and her husband King David (Liam), where she’s dealing with the fact that she can’t get pregnant, at the same time they house a mysterious pregnant girl in the palace with a past marked by suffering.

7. Still about TRR, a crossover TRR x ROE focusing on a crisis in Leo and Kate, and Liam and Riley marriage. And some scandals between commoners and nobles...

8. I want to rewrite some books too: Bloodboud 2, focusing on Jax and Adrian's relationship, The Senior focusing on Zig and Cris's relationship and The Freshman's first three books, imagining that Zig is a LI since book 1

9. And yet about Zig, similar to my fanfic About a Girl, his point of view after he and Scarlett have that break in The Senior before she travels to London (and don't worry, it's my headcanon and they'll be together with assurance!)

WOW! Hope to have the time and inspiration for so many stories, and hope you enjoy it!

Which of your stories do you like best? Why?

The first Valentine's Day: starring Zig and Scarlett's first Valentine's Day during the events of The Sophomore 2. Super cute and sexy, sometimes funny, I enjoyed a lot writing!

Friends to Lovers: I was uncertain about writing MLM, but I love this series, I love their dynamics, and I'm glad more people ship Zig and Chris! And it gave me ideas for WLW couples in my future works. Just wait!

One Night Affair: my first threesome starring Cal, Ashley (BB MC) and Jax, I LOVE this fanfic, it was the hotest I wrote!

Where does your inspiration come from?

Everything: books, TV shows, movies, songs, telenovelas, things that happened to me, or with other people...

Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions?

I really don’t like fanfics with real people. Fictional characters, okay, but actors, actresses and singers? Ew.

Post the last sentence you wrote.

But if she had this doubt, wouldn’t be better to tell him? No, the fear of his reaction was greater.

Post a snippet

Meeting Maxwell was supposed to make things go back to normal, but the effect was the opposite. Erika didn’t know what to think anymore. The thought that Maxwell was the father was haunting her like never before. The sensation was horrible. And the fact that he knew, but Drake didn’t was even worse. How could she hide that things from her husband, the man she loved? It was wrong, and made her blame herself even more. But she also didn’t know if the best thing would be to tell him. The baby could be his, and if it was true, he would never know about her last fling in Vegas. But if she had this doubt, wouldn’t be better to tell him? No, the fear of his reaction was greater.

Tagging @scalpeljockeybrycelahela @zigortega4life @bobasheebaby

[sabineelectricheart]

It Is Easier for a Camel to Go Through the Eye of a Needle

Summary: Shaun passes away for reasons he does not quite remember. What he does remember, however, is that this is his fiancée, he is guilty about causing her grief, and of his religious education.

Rating: T - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.

Words: 1900

Notes: I’m bad. I’m real bad. Mwahahahah.

Shaun Arroyo did not believe in an afterlife.

He never did, not even as a child, when he was stuck in catechist education, thanks to the perfunctory Catholicism of his family’s. He believed in what he could see and prove, he believed that, once you died, that was the end of it. No heaven, no hell, no eternal life. Just nothingness.

So, as he stood and watched Sophie cry, curled up in the chair he once sat in, he began to think nothingness would have been kinder. Perhaps old Mrs. Helms had a point and there was a heaven and a hell, and he did not qualify for the upper echelons of eternal living.

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God and that whole thing, he supposes. Though he admits he has never been much of a Christian, morality-wise, in any case, so perhaps it is rash of him to condemn the entire bourgeoisie just yet.

Death is a great opportunity for self-reflection. He is not a good man, and he did some shit in his time, but he wishes he could be spared of being tortured through the purest, most beautiful thing he held on his heart.

Shaun sighed from his place in the doorway as he watched his fiancée. He does not need to breathe anymore, but he feels weird when he does not, so he makes sure that he keeps up with it.

He cautiously stepped into the room, his steps silent against the wooden floorboards which would usually creak under his weight, but not anymore. Sophie had been crying all day, completely wracked with grief. It was almost too much for him to bear, or it is, and he just has no other choice but to stand there and do it anyways.

At first, he had desperately tried to comfort her. He yelled and shouted until he felt sick of his own wailing, hopelessly trying to tell her that he was right there, that she was not alone. He gave up trying to get through to her a week after the funeral.

Shaun turned as he heard footsteps on the stairs and frowned when their owner entered the apartment.

“Jace…” The ghost breathed. “Jace, I’m sorry.”

He took in his friend’s appearance. He also seemed a complete mess, but he was on his feet which was more than what could be said for his fiancée.

Shaun sighed as Jace looked right past him like he was not even there. In truth, maybe he really was not, as he did not receive a reply again. Why would he?  

“You didn’t answer any of my calls.” Jace stated as he pulled his phone from his pocket and showed it to her.

Sophie does not answer and instead wipes at her eyes, not that there was any point in trying to hide the tears.

“I was worried, Sophie.” He mumbled and looked away.

“Don’t be.” She muttered back, looking down and hoping to arrange herself into a presentable state. “I’m fine, Jace. It’s alright.”

“Bullshit,” Jace’s voice rose slightly.

His tone adopting a dangerous edge, so much so that it even caught Shaun off guard.

“Sophie, this needs to stop. You’ve completely locked yourself away from everyone! Your friends, your family. You won’t talk, not to me, or Ruby. Even your father called to ask how you’re doing. Hell, you don’t even acknowledge the maid when she’s in here!” He shouts, his voice full of anger and despair. “You don’t sleep, you never eat. Sophie, you need to let this go, let him go. I know it’s hard, it’s been hard on all of us, but you can’t let it destroy you like this!”

Jace’s words rung in her ears as tears dampened her cheeks again. She wipes them out in the mousy sweater she wore, but it was also much too wet to be of any help.

The day Shaun died, Jace did not just lose one friend, he lost two. Sophie is completely broken, and she is not going to be okay for a very long time. He was desperate to get through to her, but given how she still refused to meet his eyes, he knew it is not working.

“Do you honestly think this is what he’d want?” The athlete asks, in a lower and chilly tone.

Shaun’s eyes widened at his friend’s words. He felt an uncomfortable sting in his chest as his eyes fell back on her and he realized how right Jace was. He hated seeing her like this, and he might not remember how he effectively died, but he knew he had no one but himself to blame for her pain. He is the ghost now, after all.

Jace, however, regretted his words the moment they left his lips. He is wrong in having said it, and he knows that she would react badly. Not to disappoint, her eyes quickly snapped up to meet his. Her tears did not stop as the anger took over her usually sweet expression.

“Get out.” She growled.

It causes Jace to recoil at her tone. “Look, Sophie, I’m sorry, but…”

“I said, get out!” She shouts again.

Jace does not attempt to argue any further, as there is no point. Sophie is inconsolable and no words were going to get through to her. Not from him, not from anyone.

He raised his hands in surrender before turning to leave. Shaun watched him go, frowning his lips. It hurt him deeply to know that this was all because of him. He had caused all of this pain. He was the reason she is broken.

“I’m sorry, Sophie, I am.” Jace murmured, stopping in the doorway. “But Shaun wouldn’t want this for you. He cared about you, and if he were here, if he saw you like this? It would kill him.”

The words were very harsh, but it was Jace’s final attempt to break through to her. When he was only answered with silence, he sighed in defeat and left her to grieve in peace.

Shaun watched him go, an uncomfortable weight setting in his stomach. Whoever said being dead was easy clearly was not speaking from experience.

“He’s right, you know?” Shaun voiced as he turned to her. “I cared about you, Sophie, certainly more than anyone else in my life.”

Shaun knew that she could not hear him and that trying to speak to her was pointless, but he did not stop. He does not want her to waste her life grieving for him, and until he learnt how to properly haunt this apartment, speaking is the best that he got.

“I want you to live, Sophie. I want you to breathe and smile and laugh and be happy. I want you to be the person I remember you to be. Not this.” Shaun begged, his eyes burning with tears he could no longer produce. “Never this.”

He was standing in front of her now, but she paid him no attention. Her gaze was fixed a few centimetres off to his left, staring at nothing in particular. He felt transparent.

He watched as Sophie suddenly sat up in his chair, rustling through her pocket before pulling out a small piece of paper. It took him less than a moment to figure out that it was a photograph. He felt some sort of despair claw at his own throat when he saw the image it held.

It was of them. She is front and centre, a smile adorning her face and faint blush on her cheeks. He stood behind her, side-eyeing the camera with a smirk, the usual cocky pose he held whenever a photographer turned their attentions on him.

Shaun remembers when they took it. It had been over seven years ago, at her introduction at the Science Society, when he stole Thomas’ thunder for that stupid presidency run. He had put her on the spot, having her play along with the whole thing, and he remembers with a small chuckle the deer-in-the-headlights expression she wore the entire night.

It was the only picture they had alone together. The student newspaper did not use it for their story on that night, but the photographer called him the morning after to offer a copy of it, as they thought it had been a nice framing. He accepted it, and then immediately sent it to the girl, thinking it would have more value to her than to him.

He was not wrong. He recalled how Sophie had it framed, and then, after they began dating, took to keeping it in her coat pocket, carrying it everywhere, although she would never admit to it. The corners were frayed and there was a crease in the middle from how many times she had taken it out to look at it and then folded it back up for safekeeping.

The photo used to make her smile, even on her darkest days. Now, however, it was just a painful reminder of all she had lost.

Shaun watched as her eyes filled with tears once again and a sad smile pulled at her trembling lips.

“I’m sorry, Sophie.” He managed, not knowing what else he could possibly say. He never meant to hurt or cause her so much pain. “I… I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I should have done differently, but… Whatever it was, I’m sorry.”

She raised her head and, for a single fleeting moment, he thought she could see him. It was almost enough to make his heart start beating again.

However, his hopefulness was short-lived. It did not take long for him to notice the absent nature of her gaze, how unseeing her eyes were. His heart sank once again. She is not looking at him, she is looking straight through him.

Her droopy eyes slowly fell back to the photo clutched in her hand. A tear slipped down her cheek and splashed against the surface of the photograph, dispersing small droplets against the frozen image of their smiling faces.

She chocked back a sob. This is too difficult, and she does not think she is going to be able to keep herself together.

“I miss you.” Her quiet voice echoed in the seemingly-empty apartment.

Shaun watched in pained silence, knowing nothing he said would bring her any comfort. He placed his hand over her own and leaned in, planting a gentle kiss to her temple.

Sophie did not so much as blink. A gesture that would usually fill her stomach with butterflies now no longer prompted so much as a simple reaction.

“I know.” He said, his heart falling into a black abyss as he helplessly watched her fall apart.

Even though he was in front of her, he knew things would never be the same. He would never be the reason she smiled or laughed. He would never get to see she grow excited as he spoke or feel her embrace as he held her in his arms.

Shaun would never get to be with her as he once was. Sophie is either going to move on and be happy without him, or would be miserable for the rest of her life. He does not know which one he hates less.

“I miss you, too.”

*_*_*_*_*

College Craze Masterlist

[yeonjunszn]

wips <3

okay so i never really wanted to make one of these bc like, i wanted to keep all my ideas to myself so no one steals them mwahahahah 😈 .. but i fear i have too many that i for sure want to execute and i don’t wanna forget them :( so i’m making this to throw them on the back burner and to ensure i don’t forget to work on some of them when the time comes :D (also an excuse to show off the banners ive made bc my former graphic design major heart is full)

ENHYPEN WIPS :

★ the scent that stays - jungwon x f!reader (smau)

𖦹 genres: fluff, crack, slice of life

## warnings: mature language, idol!jungwon x barista!reader, this is a continuation of my drabble “the scent that lingers” from march, coffee shop!au/meet cute!au, more to come

++ includes: rest of enhypen, stayc yoon & j, kep1er hikaru, p1harmony soul, ive rei & liz

໑ summary: yang jungwon no longer finds serenity and comfort in the form of coffee beans or the color beige. instead they stress him out, because they remind him of you, and he still can’t seem to get the courage to ask you out properly.

★ untitled - sunghoon x f!reader (smau)

𖦹 genres: fluff, angst, crack

## warnings: mature language, maid sama!au, high school!au, whatever trope usui and misaki are, more to come once i’ve figured everything out — this is just taking inspiration from the show and not following the exact plot

++ includes: tba

໑ summary: n/a

TXT WIPS :

★ untitled - soobin x f!reader (fic) **estimated 6-8k ((currently 738))

𖦹 genres: fluff, smut

## warnings: 18+ !! mature language, brother’s best friend trope, reader is yeonjun’s sister, mutual pining, so much tension it hurts, marking, vaginal fingering, oral (f! receiving), pussyjob, unprotected sex (BE SAFE!), corruption kink, size kink, big dick soobin 😵‍💫, praise + slight degradation, pet names, breeding kink? kinda? ((sorry i alr know what i want))

໑ summary: yeonjun wasn’t always the most overprotective older brother, but you’re starting to think maybe he should’ve been.

SKZ WIPS :

★ three’s a company - chan x f!reader x minho (fic) **estimated 4-5k?? ((currently 2.9k))

𖦹 genres: smut mostly (porn with minimal plot but also the plot is there?)

## warnings: 18+ minors dni, mature language, uni!au? i guess, chan and minho are professors so age gap, student/prof stuff (pls don’t sleep w ur professors LMFAO), implied that they both have their ph. d, they’re both competitive little shits, this is actually the revival of a draft from when i used to write for anime 😭 i reread what i already had and thought it wasn’t half bad so take with that what u will

໑ summary: your professors strive to be the best at everything they do, so it isn’t a shock that the same comes to you.

NCT WIPS :

take my breath - na jaemin x f!reader (fic) **estimated 10-15k? maybe more? (currently 8k)

genres: fluff, angst, crack ig, nsfw

warnings: tba

summary: your relationship with na jaemin in the span of a year, told through the different seasons.

© yeonjunszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[gutterballgt]

"Enamor me" please for Chaleigh?

Leave a “Enamor Me” in my ask, and I will write a fluffydrabble characters trying to woo one another [be it out of the blue/ValentinesDay, feel free to specify.]

EXCELLENT. Mwahahahah!

“I just don’t get it, Mori.”

Chuck slumped back against the wall, his legs sprawled outacross his bunk. Yes, he was sulking. He couldn’t even be arsed to deny it.

“Chuck, maybe you should–”

“I’ve tried every-fucking-thing. I set up a movienight, and he asked the whole goddamn shatterdome to sit in with us. I askedhim to dinner on the mainland, and he brought Herc and Max along. Fuck, I evenoffered to get the hell outta here altogether, go wherever he wants to go for aweekend, just me and him… and he fucking asked if I’d go to Alaska with himto… get this… mourn over Yancy’s fucking grave.”

Mori huffed, not quite a laugh but too close for comfort.“You should be flattered he trusts you enough to ask you along. He’s notbeen there in years.”

He grunted, too frustrated and disheartened to move. “Iam. I guess.” Another grunt. “But fuck if that’s romantic, yeah?Something tells me weeping over his beloved brother won’t exactly be conduciveto stars in his fucking eyes.”

Ugh. He fucking hated the look on her face. They’d neverexactly been close, but they’d always moved in the same gestalt within thejaeger program, and on the rare occasion that he’d been obliged to confide orexplode, he had always turned to her.

Once. Before this time.

She’d given him the same look then. That half-amused,half-sad look.

“You are trying too hard.”

Yet another grunt. “I feel like I’m not trying hardenough.”

Because Raleigh Becket deserved better than a jerk likeChuck Hansen. And that was at the bottom of every gesture Chuck had made. Evenif he showed up in a fucking tuxedo with roses and wine and a fucking stringquartet, he still couldn’t make up for how he’d treated the poor bloke at thestart. Or how big a jerk he still was, no matter how hard he tried.

He couldn’t help it, dammit. The snark would just jump rightoff his tongue any time the bloke said something goofy or sappy.

Jesus. He was never getting laid again. Or snuggling on thecouch he’d dragged down from one of the couples’ berths a floor up. Or snoggingup on a catwalk in the jaeger bay.

Still with that irritating expression on her face, Mori satdown beside his legs and patted his knee. Grudgingly, he hefted himself up andscooted to the edge of the bed to actually sit beside her like a fucking adult.

Her tone much lower, she leaned over to bump him with hershoulder. “You are trying too hard.”

Sighing, he glanced at her. “He’s been through theshit, Mori. He deserves better than me.”

Her eyes rolled, but her expression was soft in a way fewpeople ever saw. “And you are too hard on yourself.”

He snorted, but his heart wasn’t in it. He was wasting histime. Worse, he’d gone and fallen for the big, beautiful idiot, and it was allfor nothing. Hell, if it was just about getting laid, they’d have already donethe deed. He didn’t have to be charming to get a fuck in, after all.

But that wasn’t what he wanted.

Okay, that wasn’t allhe wanted.

He’d been craving that ass for years.

Suddenly, Mori heaved a dramatic sigh and threw her handsup. “I give up. You two are idiots.”

Frowning, he leaned away from her and glared. “Realfucking sympathetic, there.”

She rolled her eyes. “Raleigh has been courting youalmost as long as you’ve been courting him.”

Every single thought left his head. He could only stare.

“He’s been trying to socialize you because he’s sad howalone you seem, but he also just enjoys spending time with you.” God, he’dforgotten how wicked she looked when she smiled like that. “And frustratedbecause you keep making plans when he has already thought up something foryou.”

Finally, he blinked. Then blinked again. Then groaned, longand loud.

“What. The. Fuck??”

Jesus in a jumped up jaeger, but he fucking hated her laugh.It was light and fun and musical, and it had never once meant a good thing forhim.

But he rather liked it, too.

“Oh, Chuck. It’s been terrible watching you two try and fail to… to….” Anotherburst of laughter, her eyes tearing up with it. “I’m so sorry, but…really. Do you two never just… talk?”

“Shut up!”

“You’ll never get anywhere with that attitude.”

“Dammit, Mori!”

She full-on giggled and elbowed him. Damn pointy elbows. Itactually rather hurt. “You’ll go with him to Alaska, right?”

Grumbling, he rubbed at the new sore spot. “Yes, I’llfucking go with that silly wanker to bloody Alaska.”

“Good.”

“I’m not fucking wooing him over his brother’s grave,though.”

Another chuckle and another elbow to the sore spot.“Chuck.”

But he grinned crookedly and nodded, already planning hispack and gearing himself up for the likely tears at the graveside. No, itwouldn’t be romantic, but it damn well would be a sign of trust, and Chuckwould be damned if he took it lightly.

And maybe it didn’t matter so much what they did so long asthey did it together.

Yeah. Maybe that.

So, as Mori left with a scruff of his hair that he ignoredwith bad grace, he scooted around  to hisdisplay and tapped the video feed. Soon enough, Raleigh’s tired face floatedjust in reach.

“Yeah?”

Grinning a bit, Chuck shrugged. “That trip to Alaskastill on, mate?”

God, what a sight when the exhaustion lifted on a broad smile.“It can be, yeah. You wanna go?”

Don’t try too hard. Just go with it.

So, he smiled as best he could. “Yeah. I do.”

The broad smile softened but didn’t dim in the slightest. Itwas fucking beautiful.

“Good. Thanks, Chuck. Is tomorrow too soon?”

Since in an hour wouldn’t be too soon, he just shook hishead. “Meet you on the helipad?”

“Ten A.M.?”

“Perfect.”

It wasn’t, but it would do. And it wasn’t exactly romance,but for blokes like them who’d been through hell, it was a start.

So, smiling, he got up off his ass to pack.

THE END

[rubythescientist]

Hello there! This question might seem like a lot, but I'm looking for some study advice (I'm a 2nd year psychology student at university). I was wondering, if you had a course once a week (so for me about 2,5 hours) amongst other courses for one semester, and for the course you have a book and your class notes (and probably powerpoints), how would you study that? I know this question is probably pretty vague so I'm sorry haha :)

Hello! I took pysc like once so I’m not sure how good my advice will be but here goes!

BEFORE/IN CLASS ----

Read over powerpoints/relative textbook passages + readings Make sure you go into classes with at least some idea of what you’re gonna be learning - even if all you have time for is to look at the big words/subtitles it makes following along much easier!

Annotate your powerpointsIt doesn’t matter if its on a computer or hardcopy or WHAT, just do that shit in your own words, add what the lecturer says but doesn’t write

Psyc is one hell of a content heavy subject, so the best way to study it is to make sure you have to do as little as possible!

AT HOME/STUDYING ------

First things first have a ‘due date’ for each sub topic of pysc. My chemistry notes are ‘due’ on Fridays at 3pm - THREE WHOLE DAYS before my lectures start up again. This means I get a couple days to actually study them!

HAVE A SEPARATE COLOUR FOR READINGS/TEXTBOOK REFERENCES

When you write your notes, have a separate colour that you can write down page references to studies, your textbook etc that way you don’t actually have to remember where you saw that info (this is particularly useful for reports mwahahahah)

CONCISE, INTERACTIVE NOTESStudyign mentioned this interactive notes thing - but I’ve been a strong advocate of it for ages :)  Independent study for each subject is about 6-8 hours a week only 1.5 hours is dedicated to actually WRITING the notes. Even then, note writing is used as a memorisation/learning exercise. I love cornell notes - you can kinda quiz yourself as you write them? amazing

This means you basically spend a min 2 hours (i know how many readings you have lol those can be in the other hour) doing practise questions, watching videos, revising your notes, doing flashcards.

Once a month get a scrap piece of paper, have the sub-topics out for psyc and literally write down every little thing you know. EVERYTHING. It would probably take a solid few hours, but you can spread it out! This helps identify where your weaknesses are - v important. Work on those till you know them.

STAY on top of the workload. Even if you do NO study, just make sure you can go to each class with enough knowledge of the previous class to be  completely lost. Also if you find in class you’re getting bored, start writing your notes, or at least planning them out - you’re still in the psyc headspace, much better than your phone!!

I hope this helps! Please feel free to ask more questions - and let me know if you wanted something more specific :) 

[pigeonacademic]

Because Stereotype blocks me but continues to blog from me-

Hold up, you got that wrong sugar. I said people like YOU are trash. You know, people who bully and harass others? Yeah, you're trash and its true. I'm not generalizing a whole race, just telling you the truth about people like you who are bullies. You're nothing but trash and you're not even worth being called that. OH, the HYPOCRISY. Who's the little cunt who keeps coming after me and won't stop and keeps dragging it on? YOU are. You're the triggered little cunt who thinks you're chimichanga-hot but you couldn't be milder.

Look at the pot calling the kettle black. You want to go off of looks? Post a selfie, it can go both ways! Also, fuck you, I'm pretty as fuck.

Okay, knowing your pathetic hypocritical little ass you must have sent at least one of those anons.

Yeah I suffered from anorexia too, but wait, WOOPSIES you conveniently forgot about it. It's not super offensive because I'VE BEEN THROUGH IT TOO. Besides that THEY told me to go die from it. (Or you, like I said you're petty enough to do that) and YOU should go apologize to your mother for being such a hateful bully and a waste of ten years of her life. Imagine, she could have spent those years being HAPPY instead of raising you.

I'm confident with my body too you know. I'd have to dig in the summer storage to find any binkinis. YET there you go poking fun at how I look. You got no room to talk. Instead of just talking, just show me what you look like already. One, I WAS NOT MOCKING BRAIDS you fucking dumbass. Two, yes it was satire and you should have known not to take it so fucking personally. Right there is proof you're another crybaby who gets sooooo offended over seeing stuff like that.

You claim that you're not in the SLIGHTEST racist, BUT then you go ahead and call me WHITE and called me a mutt because I'm mixed race.  That's fucking racist honey, just because you're Native American doesn't exclude your pathetic as from being racist. Hypocrisy! YEAH, I do take pride in my culture and I DO defend other races as well as mine that get mocked and disrespected, especially by trashcans like you. The problem with you you think that every teensy weensy little itsy bitsy thing is racist when it's not. You and many others like you are the reason why REAL racism is not taken as seriously because you're so thin skinned! You're like a paper doll, the slightest breeze and you rip apart. You're the fucking racist piece of shit here and everyone has seen it. "Playing the victim" Okay, I think you're confusing your own shit for mine? GUESS WHAT HONEY: YOU'RE STEREOTYPING EVERY NATIVE AS SOMEONE WHO ACTIVELY PARTICIPATES IN THEIR COMMUNITY. Guess what?? NOT EVERY NATIVE HAS THE TIME TO AND SOME DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TRIBE THEY BELONG TO. I have three different Native heritages AT LEAST. What the hell do you want me to do sugar? Also, I bet you stereotype every Native about knowing almost everything about their culture, right? Because you're such a piece of shit you think that people who aren't active in their culture are bad, right?? WHAT IF WE'RE NOT ABLE TO, HUH?? My grandparents both work, Gran's got a thankless job at a deli and grandpa does freelance housing work and I babysit and do work all the time as well as animals to take care of. I'm sorry that other people actually have lives and can't participate!

Just one thing I forgot to mention: Because my mother is unable to take care of us because she got fucked over by Obamacare in addition to losing her job and getting injured as well as her mental state, she HAD to give us up to our grandparents because she actually cares about us having a happy, normal life. So yeah, I live with my grandparents, so that's relevant. OOH GOODY lemme find some motivation to cover the money issues so we can drive ALLLLLLLLL THE WAY to where our three different known tribes are! Yes, let's COMPLETELY disreguard the fact that we have LIVES and that you have to be ACTIVE in your community to CARE about it!! Honestly you're a piece of shit. Is there anything else you care about other than being a Nazi? (You're for  racial purity as evident by you calling me a mutt, so-) I'm pretty sure you can't make time to make it to your Neo Nazis meeting, and I bet you're not even allowed to participate in such events either, unless you made your own special Neo Nazi branch.

Hmmm until I see selfies I won't believe it. You're acting like the shy girl who's scared to show her face because she knows she's not nice looking, and three agencies? I have an easier time swallowing pills for my headaches. "MWAHAHAHAH I'LL STILL CALL YOU UGLY EVEN THOUGH I'M A HYPOCRITICAL PIECE OF SHIT LAMOOOOOOO" Yeah, YOU have good luck in life sugar. I'm pretty sure any agency you have will drop your ass as soon as they see this. You're a pathetic, lousy pitiful waste of human DNA. By the way, I am religious, and I'll pray that you'll see past all the shit you're saying and quit being a fucking cunt over some post that's older than how you act. May God help you.