#But I think it needed to be said cuz I feel almost guilty for not writing like I used to

[princessoflalaland]

maybe in august I'll come back to my senses and start writing again. even tho school will be starting up too. I miss being here, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I dont want to let down those kind enough to follow me and enjoy my content. I'll find my balance one day. im sorry to all of y'all for coming and going so sporadically.

for those I've befriended so far on here, let me say this

@forbidden-sunlight I am reading the yuushi post and im loving it so far. im so so so sorry for not checking in, even when im online

@nanamiscocksleeve I never forgot about that ask game I asked to be a part of, the free use one. I am still writing my response to this day, and I promise to send it if u still want it

@mommyrara I hope you're doing well. I know we haven't spoken in some time, but I miss our little talks and hope we can rekindle our small friendship again

@gamblersdoll you keep me motivated day and and day out. I love reading your work so much. When you commented under one of my recent posts, that made me the happiest that day

@teddybeartoji my baby. I love your goofiness and your writing so much. You make me smile with the silly things you say in your tags. I miss youuu

@nkogneatho you and toji never fail to make me laugh or wetter than Niagara Falls. I love your beautiful, unfiltered energy and I hope you continue to grow for your own betterment

@miybeii I miss my fellow Leon fanatic. I hope you are doing well

@blkkizzat you don’t know how appreciative I am to be one of your moots. I love your writing greatly and the stylistic ways you format your blog and fics. I think your a beautiful individual and I’m happy to know your work and follow you

and for my other moots and followers, I’m sorry for my absence. I’m doing my best to navigate this new chapter in my life, but I promise I haven’t forgotten about you all. I appreciate your patience and support, I love you all so so so so so much

🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

[reshinless]

Can you write kinich x reader smut

──── i w'na ride?!

𝜗𝜚 synopsis. whatever position he wants >_o

𝜗𝜚 pairings. kinich x gn!afab!reader(?) see this however u want cuz in som of the bullets i use boobs or discreetly mention chests (kinich is also a lowk perv)

𝜗𝜚 director's notice. i'll explain why he'd like this trust me, !!nsfw content ahead!!

inspired by the moments where he kept hitting the pose where his hands behind his head plus the one scene where he sat in a tree with his hands behind his back (or maybe i'm imagining things.)

kinich who reluctantly visits the beach(es) plus hot springs in the toyac springs region because mualani says you both need it, seeing as how much you both work beside each other, you'll definitely need a nice bath! especially the rumors of the heated conditions the springs seem to excrete.

kinich who no matter how long you and him have met each other, he'll never get used to seeing you in a bathing suit. even when you both were still kids fooling around on the beach with mualani. the atmosphere back then has almost never changed, walking along the sandy coast, feeling each little particle fall over your toes, the sun roughly about to set, the scenery was a sight to behold!

now that you both were older.. he would be lying if he said he wasn't attracted to you, your way of fighting, your appearance, how well you compliment him, it was almost like a corrupt addiction. even ajaw mentions how cheesy it is each time he sees kinich looking at you, whether it be lust or love in his green eyes.

mualani was overjoyed to hear that you've never gone out to swim, especially in the temperature she's usually in. kinich decides to tag along, totally not because he definitely wouldn't mind seeing you in different swimsuits/trunks.

kinich who you didn't mind letting him stay outside the changing room while you put on different suits while mualani actually help you choose (unlike someone who just kept ogling his eyes at you)

mualani who chose something that revealed more than appropriate portion of your skin (which was a lot, and imagine this similar to the one lumine wore!!), kinich who couldn't stop eyeing you up and down, ajaw teasing with digital sunglasses over his face; "y'know sunglasses help cover up what you're tryna look at!"

cue kinich smacking bro away again :pray:

you only got more attractive in his eyes. watching how you walk up to him, holding out a bottle of sunscreen to him, asking if he'd put some on your back before you'd go surfing on mualani's shark.

kinich didn't wanna admit but he was a little more than just turned on while spreading the lotion over your shoulders and back down to your back, his calloused hands feeling you up and down..

kinich who felt a little guilty but couldn't help but always slowly let his view dip down to your ass. shit he could already imagine what it'd look like without that last piece of clothing. too bad he can't rip it off you right here and now.

kinich who ran his hands around your chest, your sides, every curve that you wouldn't suspect him from.. he could already feel the tent in his pants rise.

kinich who couldn't resist looking at your pretty body through the blurriness of the water, almost forgetting to swim back up from being a little more than distracted. only coming back up after mualani mentions he's the winner of holding their breath underwater challenge.

a sigh of relief.. or maybe pleasure rather remembering yesterday on how close he got to be to you, palming his erection with hurriedness, thinking of how soft you felt under his fingers, only a thin layer of sunscreen that wouldn't make it weird between you both, kinich catches himself moan your name quietly in the changing room before he goes back out to you and mualani for day two of your summer break of 5 days in total.

sitting under the comfortable shade of an umbrella he brought, putting sunglasses on to rest for a bit before going in the water, or at least that is what it looks like. in all real reality, he was taking sneaky glances at you from less than appropriate angles, he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it.

kinich could barely hold himself back for the next 2 days, wherein you all toured around mualani's hometown (for the sixtieth time, but then again it never gets old seeing a different culture every now and then!)

on the last day of your adventures with mualani, she offers for you both to finally bask in the warmth of the hot springs! the natural wonder of her home! kinich was reluctant at first, but agreed seeing how you were just oh-so happy to oblige.

this time, mualani got you a different swimsuit, one muuuuuchhh more revealing this time. it's clear now that she knows kinich's little crush on you, and now she knew that you liked him back.

mualani who coincidentally forgot the milk, and silly snacks she baked earlier that morning, oh would you look at the time! i guess she has to go get them... kinich who lowkey panicks, he already is a little flustered from your new look (but manages to quickly cool himself down)

kinich who is gentle while letting you slowly dip your feet into the water, this wasn't his first time here but he knew it was yours, stepping into the water first while holding your palms softly.

you two finally both sit in the springs comfortably, right in front of him, talking about whatever you and mualani did while he sunbathed (under an umbrella). building sandcastles and such.

"ahhh... kinichhhh! you should've been there. i would've wanted you there at least, dunno about mualani-" it felt like almost immediately his trunks tightened.. maybe he got the wrong size?

oh but the sound of you verbally saying you needed him definitely is a huge turn on. well you didn't necessarily say 'need' but you definitely wanted him there, good enough.

kinich who already has you straddled on top of him, directly on his boner, fuck he could feel it already. his hands are already on your hips letting you grind over his erection, this felt better than he could've ever fantasized of!

kinich who lets you ride him, the water you both were already surrounded only made it sound all the more dirtier. it didn't help that the sly little smile on your face, all he could do was bury his face into an arm of his own, looking away from you.

kinich whose hands were in his hair, intertwining with every little strand, the flush on his face only worsened each time you bounced on it, he could barely make eye contact with you, not because he didn't want you.. ohh it was because he thinks if he did he'd come immediately!!

kinich who holds you close as his climax comes closer as well, holding you tight in his embrace, he could feel your warmth, your skin, your everything, all he could was quickly drift his calloused palms back down to your hips, making sure no drop of cum was waaaasssttteeedddd

you could see how good you made him feel, even with just a sneaky, yet lustful glance, yet plop plop plop is all you can hear echoing throughout the cave, your hands propped up on the wall as kinich pushed against your back, his grunts only getting louder, eager to please you. seeing how your eyebrows knotted

kinich who felt intoxicated as hell in your scent, almost breathless as his head fits into the empty slot right beside your collar, fire pooled down inside your abdomen as you slowly reached your peak, watching how beautifully your eyes rolled back, feeling warm semen shoot up in your stomach. holy shit were you a beauty to see.

the musky scent of sweat mixed with the warm water below you both, kinich could still feel you clench harshly on his cock, even after release, fixed & still processing what you both had just done.

kinich who brings you out the bath, wrapped in a towel, bridal style and all, before mualani can come back with the milk and snacks- "hey what is that white stuff mixed in the water- what did you two do?!"

kinich who holds your hand while you both stroll throughout the shops opened up at nighttime, the constellations in the sky connected like it was used to it, the fresh scent of grilled fish was clear in the air's aroma, filling everyone's noses, mualani couldn't just give all this fish just to you two anyway!

kinich who fully confessed his feelings to you, no sex no lust, just him wanting you to sense how much he's been longing for you, in hopes you'd reciprocate it. in which you did with open arms!

m: "aha! i knew it! you both finally told each other you like each other didn't you!!", k: "no need to shout.", y/n: "i suppose!"

mualani will stop teasing for now, and let you two be, just with each other as the stars reflect off the light you've shone into his life.

kinda cringe might delete :100:

[dinogoofymutated]

Hey not sure if your currently taking requests but I just wanted to I soooooo stoked that you write for Remy! I've been starved for years cuz there's like no fan fics for him😭.

anyway I was wondering if you could do like a fic or headcannon where gambit somehow got hurt on a mission and is on bed rest but is also like really horny because you wont have sex with his since hes hurt.

If not that's fine I just thought it up and thought it would be hilarious 😂. Anyway luv your work, keep it up😘

NSFW!Gambit/AFAB!Reader

MMMMMHHHMMMMMM BESTIE UR MIND. ABSOLUTE GENIUS. I hope that you don't mind I did make it NSFW there at the end but the majority is just teasing our favorite gambler. Also, This is for the folks who were also really attracted to that one scene in criminal minds with the bulletproof vest. iykyk.

TWs: teasing, sexual innuendos, explicit smut, Handjobs, Mutual masturbation, PNV sex. Raw sex. (Wrap it bf you tap it yall) Creampie. Reader written with Fem! pronouns.

"Asolutetly not." You're quick to say it. Gambit pouts as the words leave your mouth, still on the infirmary bed with all the wires and doodads still hooked up to him. He's giving you those scoundrel puppy eyes that he knows you usually give in to, but you're not willing to budge this time.

"No, Remy. I will not be-" You take a quick glance around the room, leaning in a little closer as you begin to whisper-yell at him. "-I will not be having sex with you right now!" Remy sighs in a pitiful way leaning against the headboard in your direction. You can’t begin to look him in the eyes right now, instead lightly pushing his face away from your spot, sitting close to his bed on a chair that you had moved from the corner. His pout turns into an amused smile, as he instead takes your hand in his own, moving it down to press a kiss to your palm. You try not to blush at him. You’re supposed to be standing strong, dammit! 

  "Come on, Chère. S' not like it's gonna make Gambit hurt any worse-” You cut him off by lightly slapping his abdomen. Remy immediately flinches, curling in on himself with a pained groan. You feel a little guilty afterward, flattening your palm to rub the area soothingly.

    “Yes, it would. Remy, I could seriously hurt you. You heard beast, any vigorous activity could rip your stitches.” You say, moving to where you can sit on the bed, facing him. You cup the side of his face, gently moving stray locks out of the way. He rolls his eyes, not at you, but at the memory of the talking-to he got when he had woken up in the infirmary. 

    “Never stopped me before. Since I been with the X-men it’s like everythin’ become a big deal. So what if I rip a few stitches here an’ there?” Remy grumbles. You give him a stern look, before leaning in to kiss his temple. He melts into your touch.

    “It is a big deal, Remy. You need to heal. End of discussion.” You say gently. Remy thinks on it for a moment, before giving you a slight smirk. 

    “And by “end of discussion” you really mean “Until Gambit tempts me into bed”, Right?” He says. You roll your eyes at him before standing. If that’s the attitude he’s going into these next weeks with, you know for a fact he’s going to be insufferable.

    You were right. The incoming weeks were almost as much torture to you as they most definitely were to him. Wherever you went in the mansion, Gambit was sure to follow. He’d be in the kitchen while you would be cooking, unable to help due to doctor's orders, but no one ever said that he had to stay out of the kitchen. He’s come up behind you, snaking his arms around your hips as he’d “Give you pointers”. He’d lean close and whisper in your ear, sometimes giving it a nip or two. But one thing about Gambit is that every time you turned him away, or laughed at him and told him to sit down, he’d get pouty. 

    That was a trend that continued. He’d deliberately go out of his way to tease you, on movie night, in the library, in the showers even. And every time, despite how hot under the collar you might have been, you turned him away. The more bothered you seemed to be however, his pouts turned into smirks. Eventually, you got fed up with it. You were trying to be a good girlfriend and make sure Remy didn’t hurt himself, but if he was going to be a brat about it, you could be a brat too.

    You started off a little more subtly than Remy did. Lingering touches here and there, kissing him just long enough to leave him wanting. You’d wear just a tad less clothing around him, or wear slightly lower-cut tops. You were beginning to realize just how easy it was to get him riled up.

    One particular day, the tension was thick in the air, having coalesced into something barely breathable. Remy was lying back on the bed on his elbows as you redressed his wound, making sure to spread ointment onto the healing stitches and care for the skin. You frequently found yourself drawn to the sight of his lower abs, the large bruise having begun to yellow as it healed. Maybe it was the fact that you hadn't seen his skin in a while, but the sight of him had you breathing a little funny. Remy was also a little quieter than normal, unable to look away from your gentle hands as you took care of him.

    Once you finished, you lingered by his side, a hand pressed against his chest. You look up to find him already watching you, but neither of you says anything. You purse your lips, debating on whether or not you’re doing what you think you’re about to do. Remy tilts his head at you questioningly. He opens his mouth to speak but fails to do so as your hand trails down to his waistband. He takes a shocked breath through his nose, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before he’s looking at you again through a lustful haze. 

    “Thought you said-”

    “Shut up.” You sigh, cutting him off. Remy smirks at you, biting his lip. You roll your eyes, caressing the crotch of his pants a few times before you begin to slip them off of him.

    “Don’t get too excited.” You whisper, but really it sounds more like a needy sigh. “Just a handy, okay?” Gambit huffs a laugh at you, but doesn’t tease. He's practically bucking his hips into your hand when you finally take hold of his cock, stroking him to hardness. You can’t seem to look away from the sight, watching as his abdomen clenches with every stroke from base to tip. You twist your hand on the upstroke, listening as Remy lets out a curse and a sudden moan just as you thumb his head, collecting his abundant precum as you use it to stroke back down again. 

    “You’re really pent up, huh?” You ask in a heated whisper. Remy’s head is tilted back in pleasure, and he huffs in amusement as he cracks an eye open at you. His hand slides up your thigh, Your legs being pressed against each other tightly to find some friction. You gasp as he suddenly slides two of his fingers up the inside seam of your pants, and you can practically feel yourself get wetter at the touch. 

    “Looks like I’m not the only one.” Remy hums. You can’t seem to pull away from him as he continues to stroke you. The air is hardly breathable, and the burning in your chest and your core starts to become too hot to ignore. 

    “Fuck it.” You say. Remy is confused when you let go of him, only to break into a wide smile when he realizes you were beginning to strip. The shirt is first to go, before your bra, and then your jeans and underwear. Remy wolf-whistles at the sight, and you wave him off, embarrassed. 

    “Couldn’t stay away from the temptation of Remy LeBeau, Now could you Chère?” Remy muses. He’s such a goof. You try to hide your smile as you carefully straddle his legs, making sure to avoid his sore spots. One of his hands holds onto your upper thigh, the other making its way to your center. He strokes you languidly with his fingers before circling your slit and pushing two inside. You suck in a breath, careful to set your hands on his shoulders without putting any weight onto them. 

    “Looks like this pretty pussy missed me as much as I missed you,” Remy says breathlessly. His eyes flicker from your cunt up to your bare breasts, and then to your flushed face. You feel like you’re falling apart too quickly, already climbing that high as he fingers you with those hands you love so much.

    “Remy,” You call for him breathlessly. “ m’ not gonna last too long.” Remy can't help himself any longer, and pulls you closer to catch you in a passionate kiss. He drags his teeth across your bottom lip, letting go of the plush skin. He doesn't withdraw his fingers until your thighs begin to shake and you start to clench down on him. You whine as he does so, barely holding your composure. Remy takes your hand off of his cock, pressing a kiss to your knuckles before gently dragging your hips further into his lap. Your mind is hazy, but you know to be careful as he lines himself up.

    “If we're going to do this, we're taking it my speed, okay?” You say. Remy nods, barely taking in the information. He was ready to be inside you. After weeks of nothing- all he could think about was you. Your giggles, your smiles. Your body. The way you taste on his tongue. The feeling of your thighs clenching around his head.  Remy would do anything you asked of him at this moment.

    You take it slow as you lower yourself down on his cock. The stretch of him feels delicious against your inner walls. Remy leans in, kissing and sucking on your breasts as you take your time. He bottoms out with a wet sound, his hands resting against your upper thighs.

    Remy curses as you begin to move, bouncing on his cock somewhat slowly. Even in the haze of your lust, you're worried about hurting him. Remy, on the other hand, doesn't share the same sentiment. His hands clench around your thighs, and when he can't seem to take the slow speed anymore, he slams you down onto him.

    You gasp at the action, and apologies spill from his lips as he tilts you forward, knocking your balance so you're forced to lean onto him as he controls the pace, eagerly thrusting into your heat. 

    “Remy-” Your protests are cut off with a kiss as your favorite scoundrel begins to take exactly what he wants. His grunts and moans beneath you send another trickle of warmth inside of you. To be honest, seeing him take control like this was hot- almost hot enough for you to forgive the fact that he was certainly overexerting himself- but it was hard to be mad at him when he's fucking you so good.

    One thing about Remy is that he's a talker in bed. If anything, you were surprised he was as “quiet” as he had been the majority of the time. But once he started to get closer to his peak, Remy began to ramble. 

    "You think you're smart? -Ah! Teasing me like that.. mmh… expecting me to just take it?" You're not really paying attention to his words, nodding in response while only thinking about his steady grip on your thighs and ass and the peak you're reaching so quickly. Remy squeezes you harder, almost harshly as he begins to take you faster. His hips begin to stutter, thrusts starting to do him in one by one. 

    Remy lets out a loud groan as he reaches his peak, burying himself deeply inside you and thumbing your clit. He continues to thrust as he helps you reach that white-hot peak of pleasure, pressing kisses to your temple as you ride it out on top of him. By the time you're both fully finished, you're panting for air. You're fully collapsed onto Remy's chest, Remy being absolutely boneless as he rests against the headboard. 

    “You’re such an idiot.” You say when you finally have enough sense. Remy just chuckles, continuing to press kisses to every part of your face and neck he can reach. You sigh happily as he does so, pressing some of your own kisses to his shoulder.

    When you finally peel yourself off of his chest, the first thing you check in on is his bandages. You scowl when you see that they've been soaked through with sweat, but more concerning is the spot of red that has started to form. You look up at Remy with narrowed eyes, and he quickly looks down as well, before looking back up at you and simply shrugging with a gleeful smile.

    “Casualty of love, Chère.”

[tootiecakes234]

Sanji x reader

(You come back from a mission injured. )

You come back to Sanji after you two were on two separate assignments. Initially you’re facing away from him so he’s just relieved that you’re safe. He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your front.

“My beautiful one and only. I’m so happy to see you safe.” Words mumbled because His face is nuzzled up into your neck and he’s breathing in the scent of you. Even though you’re sweaty and gross, you’re his favorite scent in the entire world and that includes his cooking.

“Are you tired?? When we get back to the ship I’ll run you a nice bath yea??” Mind you he says all this in almost a sing song voice.

Normally you would be just as excited as he was, but you know. You know the time he sees your injury he’s going to 1000% flip his shit and you were trying to postpone the inevitable as long as possible.

When Sanji finally looked up he saw the strange looks the rest of the crew was giving and he was confused.

“What the hell are you idiots looking at? Why do you assholes look guilty?”

“Hey you guys can I have a moment alone with Sanji please?”

They all excused themselves and set off very swiftly because they knew the shit storm was a brewing.

He starts pulling his arms from around you but you quickly grab them and hold him still.

“Babe, can you promise me something??”, you whisper in the most even tone you can manage.

“Of course. I’d do anything for you. You know that.” And his arms tighten around you.

“Ok, remember. You’re a man of your word. Promise me you won’t freak out” You start to slowly pull away.

“Why would I-“

“Just promise me ok?”

“I promise me sweet.” And he chuckles a little at how weird you’re being.

The twirl you do around is so achingly slow but Sanji is nothing if not patient with you.

When you finally catch his eye, you see the smile morph on his face.

He is livid. infuriated. No there has to be a word that means “ready to burn down the fucking world and everyone and everything in it!”

“Who! Had! The Goddamn Nerve! To Touch you?!?”

“Saaannjii, baby. It’s fine. I promise you. It’s just a scratch. Chopper checked it out and he said it wouldn’t even need stitches.” Trying to keep the peace was not working. AT ALL.

“Who!? And where are they now?” He was seething.

You could feel hellfire coming off him.

The laceration was a long one coming up from your clavicle and wrapping up right under your chin, but it wasn’t deep. You had managed to dodge most of it.

“Theyre dead and gone. He only got the one chance. I promise, I’m ok. Everyone is ok and safe. So can you breathe?? Cuz I don’t think you’re breathing…”

“Where the hell was everyone when you were nearly KILLED?!”

“Trying to avoid dying themselves. I’m not some damsel in distress, even though I know that’s how you see me.” You had started to get a little testy but you had to remind yourself, he honestly just loved you way too much to be faced with a situation where you could’ve been taken from him.

You slowly get a little closer to him and reach out to grasp his hand, and honestly that touch did more for him than any of your words did.

His shoulders sagged just the slightest amount and you heard him draw in a sharp breath.

“I know you’re upset, you have every right to be, but I’m right here.” You said with all the love you could muster and lifted your other hand to wrap around the back of his neck and scratch at the back of his head.

Another breath and now his eyes were starting to soften.

You smile up at him and that sets his heart back to thumping at the inconsistent speed it always does when you look at him like that.

Next thing you know you’re being pulled into his arms and squeezed to the point where it’s almost taking your breath away.

You don’t realize he’s crying until you feel dampness from where he’s again tucked his head down into your neck.

His words come out all mumbled, “I can’t l-lose you. I truly fucking can’t… you- you’re the only reason my heart beats. The only thing that gives me the strength to draw another breath. I love you. I love you.”

And now you’re crying because damn. This man is everything to you, and the fact that he never fails to make sure you know how he feels the same way if not stronger…. Your heart is just so full.

“I love you too Sanji. And I’m never leaving… you’re stuck with me forever and ever and ever.”

When he pulls back his eyes are all red and puffy.

“You mean it?” His voice sounds all groggy now, like he just woke up. But also bright, like morning sunshine.

“Of course I mean it. You and me always.” You give him a small genuine smile.

“Then marry me…”

[tryingtofindava]

pls im begging for dating ticci toby headcanons 🙏🙏

𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ‘𝐓𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐢’ 𝐓𝐨𝐛𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬*ೃ༄

tw: mention of manic episode.

: ̗̀➛ Back to source

My god.

This boy is full of so much love.

Y’all take FOREVER to actually get together.

It got to the point where Toby got frustrated and was all like “should I just kill them?” (Assuming you ain’t a proxy)

What I’m tryna say is he’s sorta oblivious to his feelings towards you.

But he’s so scared to get attached to you, cuz every time he’s ever gotten close to someone they die.

But when y’all (finally) get together after a long ahh slow burn.

YOU TWO ARE LITERALLY THE CUTEST OMD.

He was so surprised that you said yes when he asked you out. Like- you? The pretty girl who he had the the pleasure of becoming friends with???? Says yes to him????

He’s so happy

Buttttttttttttttt.

So awkward it’s almost painful.

Onetime you kissed him on his cheek, bro was all like ‘🧍’

But when you guys get past that awkward stage? You guys are practically attached to the hip.

And I know most of the fandom hates the ‘soft Toby’ stereotype, but I feel like that’s just how he is w you (though he does have his moments…)

Lots of reassurance. It’s needed if y’all wanna last.

He isn’t used to have someone be so affectionate towards him. Since deadass the only person who’s showed him genuine love was Lyra.

When y’all first met, he’d always wear a massive ass bandage over the gash on his cheek.

Every time you saw it you gave him the ‘🤨’ look, which he’s just shrug it off. And when you’d ask him about it, he’d say something like:

“It’s ruh-rude to ask t-that.”

He’d even continue wearing it INTO your dating life, he’ll eventually cave in since it’s been around 8 months of him wearing it around you. And a wound would normally be healed by now.

He wasn’t at all surprised by your reaction of shock.

He’ll always have it on out of the apartment though. No exceptions.

He calls you ‘pretty thing’ sm it becomes a tic.

Eskimo kisses? Eskimo kisses.

He try’s his best to keep the whole murder part of his life away from you. But it’s obvious so… that was one long night of going over things.

Anywaysssss.

AQUARIUM DATES! Y’all get in your grandpa jumpers and walk around the aquarium holding hands and looking at all the cool fish n’ shit.

HE LOVES LOVES LOVES NECK KISSES.

He’s a slut for knowing he’s yours.

He loves teasing the shit outta you for being short. Even though he’s like 3 inches taller

“I’ve been b-breaking my buh-back k-k-kissing you, babe.”

“Piss off.”

He loves laying between your legs with his face flushed against your chest while you run your fingers through his hair and itch his scalp.

When you guys are sleeping, you’ll constantly have to make sure he doesn’t get too over headed or cold due to his CIPA.

Speaking of sleeping, he grinds his teeth while he’s dreaming. So just gently grab his chin to stop him. And he’s a deep ass sleeper so he won’t feel it lol.

He isn’t a big fan of PDA when you guys aren’t behind closed doors, but he’ll ALWAYS hold your hand.

On the less sappy note, when he’s having a tic attack he will not allow you to come near him. He’s so scared of hurting you.

And when he’s having an episode?

Make sure you stay calm. And maybe get to him before he gets to you. He’ll be so upset if he did hurt you while going through one of his schizophrenic like states.

To help him through his manic episode, stay as calm as you can, let him know that, although you don’t share the belief that it’s real, you understand that it is real to him. Try and keep focused on supporting him with how he’s feeling in that moment, rather than confirming or challenging his reality.

If he does snap at you, he’ll feel so guilty. He will think that he’s just like his dad.

He’ll probably disappear for a few days, but when he comes back he’s begging for you to not leave him. Like he’s full on sobbing.

Hold him.

He’s clingy. Like super clingy. Clingy to the point where it just becomes obnoxious. And gets a bit irritating but he means well :(

He loves you like a dog, and he’ll do anything for you. He trusts you with his whole being and hopes you feel the same.

✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•

[moonrisecoeur]

IM BACK CUZ IM MENTALLY UNWELL OK. and yes you’re the best sub Leon writer 😏🥱 and yes I liked it, SITTING ON HIS FACE? 😍🥱

I’m so sorry for blasting ur req box but YOURE AN ACTUALLY GOOD SUB LEON WRITER SO can you blame me? concept: idk why but re4 Leon is so free use coded and so imagine he is on a mission with a new assigned partner but she’s an asshole to him (“fuck off man, I can do it myself, “I don’t need your help”, “you’re too nice and gonna be taken advantage of 😐”, etc. You get the gist) and his goofy ass just tryna be nice and helpful, cuz this is leon we are talking about. But the fun part ⁉️ they have cameras installed in the hideout they are saying at for security purposes. But ofc, Leon always tries to check on reader to make sure she’s ok - even if she’s an asshole to him. AND YK WHAT READER DOES 😭 she’s way too horny and just goes at it, girl got a masturbation problem on god. Every night. One night - wrong time and place - Leon opens his laptop to see the cameras making sure she’s ok AND HELP HE SEES HER … yk. And he feels guilty like he shouldn’t watch but he does anyways. And this goes on for weeks. Until one night he’s sick and tired of her always being so mean and he accidentally lets it slip that he’s been watching her LOL AND SHES LIKE UHM BOY WHAT 🙄⁉️ and he tries to play it off like “I didnt mean to” but like, my brother in Christ… you’ve been watching every night for weeks 🤨 wdym you didn’t mean to? ANYWAYS LONG STORY SHORT SHE PUNISHES HIM AND HEAVYYYY ON THE FREE USE THING. Love you bae 😘

i made a couple minor changes just for convenience :) fem reader she/her pronouns!

also i didn’t write the smex scene IM SORRY but i have been working on this all day and i need to get to other asks but i promise i’ll write some more free use in the future because it’s so smexy

-

"look, i know you don't like me-"

"oh? really? tell me what you think you know, kennedy," you scowl at him, and though it spooks him just a little, he tries to seem unphased.

he frowns, not hurt by your words but definitely concerned that you'll make a bad partner, "you don't need to be this hostile. we're allies. we're supposed to have each other's backs."

"right..." your voice echos, and leon knows that if it came down to it, you wouldn't protect him, wouldn't save him, would barely help him. he's practically on his own for this mission, just has an extra body with him to shoot at the bad guys.

it hurts, to some degree, because even without knowing you well, and even with you being cold and rude to him, he knows he'd come to your rescue in a heartbeat. something about him feels fond of you, even though in your entire time knowing leon kennedy, you haven't said one nice thing to him.

he thinks that maybe he likes that you've never been nice to him. he doesn't really know what to do with that thought.

-

leon is proved wrong.

despite the harshness of your words, you come to his rescue, fighting off the villager who almost decapitated him with an axe like both of your lives depend on it (because they do).

he watches you fight nervously, but when you come out on top, aside from the gash wound you take to the hip, he feels his heart skip a beat.

"this is what happens when you hurt my partner," you groan, holding your side, trying to speak through the pain even though leon can see the blood seeping between your fingers.

you whisper something in your victim's ear, something leon can't quite make out, before you kill him. leon wonders what it was briefly. he decides it doesn’t matter.

you both breathe a sigh of relief, but it's short lived as you collapse to the ground. you saved him. you got hurt saving him.

"here, let me help you," he mutters, coming over to you, not even stopping to ask if you want his help because he knows you'll say no, "stop fighting me. you're hurt and i need to patch you up."

the pain is agonizing, but even through gritted teeth and tense breaths, you push through it. he has to commend you a little bit, you're tougher than you look.

but when you try to push his hand away, claiming "i'm fine, kennedy," he sees the struggle in your face, hears the hurt in your voice. his heart seems to stop. he's worried, "i can do it myself, you don't have to- fuck, dude, i don't need your help-."

"-just relax, okay? i got you..”

you don't have the strength to push him away, but you know you shouldn't anyway, so you just slouch back against the wall and try to breathe, "fine, just fuckin... hurry up."

"i'm just trying to take care of you. we're partners, right? i gotta look out for you," he smiles, trying to lighten the mood even slightly. he wishes that this would be the time the barriers come down, that those skyscraper walls that prevented him from coming any closer to you emotionally could come crashing down, if only for a moment.

"you don't have to do anything. you're choosing to put yourself in danger to help me," you groan as you lean back, looking up at the ceiling, "suprised that no one's tried to take advantage of your willingness to help before."

"someone did," he mutters annoyedly, focusing more on the wound then it being your wound, on your body. his eyebrows, almost naturally furrowed from years of stress, somehow make his face even more sad to gaze upon. it's not that he's unattractive, far from it, but he's... worn. tired. a piece of your heart, no matter how far you keep away from him, aches in sympathy.

-

leon carries you back to the safe room, a hideout you both are using to rest and recover in while you plot your next move. he lays his jacket on the ground to at least give you something comfortable to lie on. you don't look comfortable, but he can't do anything else to help you.

he looks through his things, trying to concoct something that will at least make you feel a little bit better. he finds a first aid spray, and his heart jumps out of his chest in excitement. he uses it to take care of your wound, and waits for you to wake up from your unconscious state.

he decides to go back out, hoping to maybe find some other things to help you both on your mission. he knows you'll berate him for leaving on his own, risking his own life needlessly. but god if he didn't imagine what it would be like if he found something you could really use, and watch your eyes light up. even if you didn't like him, you'd be happy. he wants to see you smile, to praise him for a job well done.

he cringes at how pathetic it sounds, but he sets off either way, leaving you wrapped in his jacket with a note from him saying what he's doing.

-

he doesn't do it intentionally. at least... not the first time. genuinely, he just wanted to check up on you, make sure you were alive and breathing and safe. and you definitely were.

he doesn't know why its so hypnotizing, why he can't put his goddamn phone away with the stupid security app on it. of course it's you, though. you're hypnotizing.

he watches every pixel, every distorted view of you touching yourself in the safe room, obviously unaware that he could... see this. he's glad there's no audio, or else he'd be unable to control himself, even in an abandoned building surrounded by zombies. maybe its the years that haven hardened him, burned the fear out of his soul and numbed him to the presence of those things, but he doesn't feel anything but uncontrollable desire right now.

have you been doing it the whole time? you both had spilt off from each other multiple times, and he would almost be upset at the idea that every time he was fighting for his life and barely, barely winning that fight each time, you were getting off a couple hundred feet from him in another room... if it wasn't so fucking hot to watch you masturbate.

he keeps watching until he notices that you're having an orgasm, body twitching and your chest heaving up and down as you take deep breathes. it's so fucking sexy, leon probably could have cum on the spot if he watched anymore.

-

you keep doing it. he keeps watching it. over the course of the mission (of course he had to be stuck on a long, secluded recon mission with you of all people) he's watched you too many times. he doesn't think he has enough fingers to count how many times, which either means he's been on this mission longer than he thought or you have a fucking addiction. he's almost kind of impressed at how efficient you are. takes you 10 minutes tops, and then you just get back up and keep on trucking? his sentimental, post-nut ass could never.

and, though you recovered from your wound, you haven't displayed any sense of gratitude for leon taking care of you when you passed out after getting hurt. not that he expects it, truthfully. you saved his life, he saved yours. you were even.

he just doesn't feel like he's broken any new ground. he feels like, if anything, you feel even further away, emotionally. he's about had it.

"hey, we need to talk," he says, ominously; he doesn't intend it to be so, "i understand you don't like me. it's fine. i don't even care anymore. but i am tired of you talking to me like i'm a pushover."

you look over at him, reloading your gun with a displeased look on your face. leon hates the inner urge he has to cave and apologize to you, as if his body would rather give up any sense of dignity he still has in favor of being slightly more tolerable to you.

"well? are you going to say something?"

you scoff, looking away, "didn't know you were so fucking sensitive, kennedy," and you turn around, ready to walk out, before he snaps, "this isn't a pleasure trip. sorry you're not having a good time."

"clearly you're having a good time with all the pleasure you're giving yourself while i'm trying not to die."

he stops. panicking. trying to think of how to spin the words he just said and make it not sound like he knew every tell you had when you were about to cum or exactly how you touch yourself in order to get yourself off quickly.

you stop as well. and you look back at him with this expression on your face that is completely unreadable.

maybe it wasn't the best move to reveal the only card he had left to play if it mean he would get this reaction out of you considering that, again, you so clearly do not like him.

... right?

"what... did you say, kennedy?" you ask, pure venom in your voice. it's not a question, you so clearly heard him correctly.

"i- i'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that-"

"have you been watching me?" you take a step closer, eyes boring into his soul so intensely he can't make eye contact. he has no way out of this situation. he feels out of breath, nervous, god why are you getting so close to him? "answer me, leon," not kennedy, leon, "have you been watching me masturbate?"

he looks up, trying to keep himself from making eye contact. he knows the second he looks into your eyes, he will be putty in your hands, free for you to mold into whatever you'd like. he knows you're not looking at him with distain like usual, it's something else.

something hungry.

"yeah," he breathes, barely getting the world out at all. you take a deep breath, as if you're debating what you're going to do.

"what you did was wrong, you see that, right?"

"yes, i know, but-"

you scoff, annoyed. god why in this moment, just inches away from you, you notice the moles on his neck, the angle of his jaw, the entrancing aura of his eyes. it's so damn distracting, and you have to pull yourself together, "but nothing. you watched me without my consent, you got off on it, didn't you?"

"god, you're making it sound so bad, i... i'm sorry, okay? how can i make it up to you?" he asks, trying so damn hard as always to please.

this is where you come to realize that maybe you didn't hate leon kennedy all this time. maybe you found yourself too comfortable, too at ease in his presence. maybe he was safe and sweet and gentle and it didn't sit right because nothing in a world with zombies and bioweapons and cults and parasites was gentle. but leon is.

you look down, considering your options, "i have an idea. you're free to refuse and we go back to before, and you get nothing from me. do you want to hear it?"

"sure?"

you take a breath, going for it, "i’ll be… blunt. if you couldn’t tell, i’m a bit.. insatiable. i need something to get myself off now that i’m getting bored of my own hands out here. you help me, and i’ll forgive you for watching me.”

his thoughts stop. he genuinely can’t put together a coherent thought, what did you mean? "are you.. are you fucking serious? you barely speak to me, every time you do speak to me you act like i'm the scum of the earth, you act like i'm not here when i saved your ass and carried you and patched you up, i-”

you cut him off with a kiss. it’s not gentle, it’s rough and messy and your fingers dig into the skin of his cheeks, leaving him red and breathless. he finally gets it. you don’t want him to help you, you want to use him.

he lets you push him down, pin his body to the wall as you kiss him breathless. he lets you dig your nails into his neck even if it hurts. he lets you touch and kiss him as rough or as gentle as you like. and you don’t like being gentle, clearly.

“use me,” he whispers between kisses, and when you pull away, eyeing him intently, as if urging him to explain himself, he does, “do whatever you want. just keep going until you’re satisfied. don’t… don’t hold back. whatever pleases you… i want that. i want to please you.”

“awh, you just want me to be happy with you, don’t you?” you coo at him, endeared by his selflessness. truly a good man in a bad world, “that’s all you’ve ever wanted, hm? for me to like you?”

his resolve cracks just a little bit more, “uhm, yeah…” he his voice is shaky, unsteady, and he just needs to give in.

“then you’re going to let me do this every single time in horny and need something to get myself off. i’m going to do whatever i want to you, and i’m not going to ask. you’re just going to let me. if you don’t, then we go right back to being enemies, and you really don’t want that, right?”

he stutters aimlessly, his knees going weak. he’d truly be done for if you weren’t hold him up with a strength he did not know you had.

and you just keep going, “i’m not going to ask or care if it’s a bad time. i want it to be inconvenient, uncomfortable, ill-timed. i want it to be permanently in your head that i can have you whenever i want you. that i can do whatever i want to you.”

“only i get to have you, got it?”

“g-got it,” he mutters weakly, feeling your hands on him, touching him in places he hasn’t been touched in a while. he didn’t realize how desperate he was.

“only i get to touch you, only i… get to fuck you.”

he nods helplessly.

“it’s too bad i didn’t bring a dildo in my bag when we set off for this mission, because i would so fuck you with it until you’re seeing stars and apologizing for going behind my back… but i suppose i’ll just have to satisfy myself with your cock…”

[malarign]

studio nights

(when you help him write lyrics for his new single)

contains: idolbf!Jake x fem!reader | genre: a little bit of angst and a little bit of fluff | tw! crying | wc: 0,6k

reblogs, likes and comments are highly appreciated!!!

author’s note: guess who is back 😼 honestly as a musician, it is probably the most disappointing part - not being able to come up with any good melody or just being unsatisfied with your work, but i guess all creators can agree on that :’)

Jake buried his face in the palms of his hands as yet another phrase slipped his mind. He never thought writing lyrics would be so difficult yet here he is hopeless since all the good words seemed to be nonoperative. Not only lyrics were his problem, but all the melodies also didn’t sound as good as he wanted. He thought all those years of musical education and violin playing would be helpful but somehow made it even worse, setting expectations so high, it was almost impossible to reach.

Suddenly the sound of a new message notification resounded in the quiet studio. He immediately reached for it thinking it could be you. Thankfully it was.

y/nie 💞: hi my love! are you done or should I come over?

He thought for a while and bit his lip. The last thing he wanted is you to see him in that state. His hair was messy, he didn’t shave for a while, and his eyes bloodshot red from crying and being in front of a computer for a whole day. The only moment he left the studio was to go to the toilet and when Jungwon asked him if he had maybe seen their choreographer.

He finally decided to just apologize for being at work until late hour once again.

His phone lit up again showing another message from you.

y/nie 💞: well too bad cuz i’m already at hybe :)

The message made him freeze. He really didn’t want you to see him like that, having a feeling that you were going to scold him for not taking proper care of himself. He quickly grabbed his phone to take a quick shower before you came only to see you as soon as he opened ten door. He noticed the bag of his favorite snacks and a bright smile on your face, which slowly faded away as you saw how in bad shape your boyfriend was. He thought about how disappointed you were, not knowing the only person you were mad at was yourself, feeling guilty for letting that happen.

“My love…” you finally spoke and caressed his cheek lovingly. This faint touch made his lip quiver as tears started to flood his eyes.

You closed the door behind you for some privacy and engulfed him in a tight hug, that he needed so much.

“I feel like a failure. I can’t even come up with the easiest lyrics,” he cried trying to calm down at the same time.

“Jake, look at me,” you spoke and cupped his cheeks. “It’s okay to have a block, I know how difficult it is to write good lyrics and that’s why I’m always so proud of you and how far you’ve come. You never fail to impress me and many others.”

He nodded at your words which spoke to him perfectly and resolved his doubts.

“Thank you,” he simply said and smiled at you.

“Can I maybe help you? Can I see what you have already?”

A little skeptical about your idea he showed you his notes full of scribbles and crossed-off words. You took your time in reading his work and soon gave your feedback, which to your surprise seemed to untie some knots in his mind. You watched as he slowly nods and writes it down hastily, regaining his confidence thanks to both your comment and good remarks.

You spend long hours in that one small studio, thinking of good and catchy phrases and tunes in the hope that maybe both of your names are going to be listed in the final credits of the album.

thank you for reading! back to the masterlist

permanent taglist: (send an ask to be added) @nicholasluvbot, @en-chantedtomeetyou, @kpopstanmeg, @skzenhalove, @nfrgirl

[sanspuppet]

Oh my god, if you could please do line 7 and 13 for Hongjoong with shibari I’ll literally love you forever 🥹💕

(Please of course only do it if you’re comfortable! If you’re not, then just whatever your creative side comes up with will be great. I’ll gobble it up regardless 😙)

Thank you for all you do and your amazing work! 💕💕

7_ “God, you look amazing like this”

13_ “Since when do friends do things like this?”

W/T: friends to lovers, jealous Hongjoong, shibari, unprotected sex

• HII here you go babe, i hope you like it :3 although it’s my first time writing about shibari, i really enjoyed writing it!

- not proofread cuz im about to pass out from tiredness :/

Finally it’s Hongjoong’s birthday, and though he hasn’t planned a big party, he invited you at his place, wanting to spend more time with you: the girl who’s secretly obsessed with. Hongjoong just finds anything you do attractive and caring, he can’t stop thinking of you and how cute you always appear. This surely involves that he’s genuinely jealous of you, and seeing you with another guy immediately ruins his mood for the entire day.

You greet him, giving him a tight hug when you enter his apartment. Hongjoong shyly smiles back, taking the present you gave him in his hands and placing it on the table. Even though you are classmates, you don’t talk often but you still think he’s a nice guy. After a good hour of random conversations between you two, Hongjoong heads finally towards the kitchen to take his birthday cake. It’s when he turns back with it, ready to blow the candles, that you receive a text. You can’t help but check your phone when you notice that it’s Mingi who’s searching for you: he asked you out, and go with him to watch the new film that has been released at the cinema.

“Oh my god” you murmur, bringing your hand over your mouth. Despite your excitement, Hongjoong’s smile printed on his face quickly disappears as he notices you’re not giving attention to him anymore.

“What” he huffs, looking at your phone as he could know what got your attention.

You stutter, unsure if you should accept Mingi’s proposal or just stay there with Hongjoong, despite you’d feel guilty… the new film seems too good, without counting Mingi’s presence that always makes your legs dizzy when you’re in front of him.

“Uhm… Joong, i think i should go now… i forgot that i have to meet with Mingi later…” you mewl shyly, something in his stare scared you.

“You’re not going anywhere, i want you to stay here with me” He affirms, his cold eyes locked on yours.

“But- but i seriously need to go Hongjoong” you’re about to stand up, when he positions himself in front of you, his tight grip on your wrist making it almost hurt.

“I said, you’re not leaving.” he continues, his face a few inches away from yours, shivers of fear running down your spine from his intimidating stare.

“You can’t do anything to keep me here!” you bicker “not even if you’d tie me up” your body is immobilized as you see a smirk diving onto his mouth. He chuckles cockily.

“Wanna try? We’ll se if you can escape.”

Even though you didn’t exactly figured out the idea, your pride suddenly speak for themselves: “Oh yeah? Wanna bet?” your reply got once again Hongjoong giggling.

“Actually, i do wanna” He smirks, his hands quickly moving on your waist, grabbing it harshly as he pushes you towards his bedroom. “Gonna tie you all up, so you’re not gonna see that fuck boy” Hongjoong throws you onto his bed, giving you a cold stare as he wants to make sure you’re not going to move. Your mouth hangs open when you see him taking a long pair of strings from his wardrobe, making you gulp as he approaches you while starting to knot them.

“Strip.” he stares down at you, enjoying the view of having your pretty face right in front of his hardening member. Your breath stops as you hear him, asking to yourself if you just misheard.

“I said fucking strip, you better do.”

You raise an eyebrow, arms crossed as you stare up at him. But as soon as he wraps his hand around your throat, raising your chin to force you to look right at his hooded eyes, you start unzipping your jeans.

“Good girl. Keep acting well and the knots will might not hurt.” he starts to tie your body with the strings, the knots positioned accurately to accentuate your curves. Once he helps you hiking up your top, Hongjoong can’t take his eyes off of your tits, perfectly sized, he can’t help but give them the proper attention by using the strings to help them pop out of your chest. He does a few steps backwards, admiring your body like it was a piece of art, his piece of art.

“God, you look amazing like this.” he approaches you again, pushing you onto the mattress, making you arch your back as your arms are tied behind it. “All naked and ready to be fucked.” Hongjoong chuckles in the crook of your neck, his hand squeezing your breast. He gets closer to your ear, whispering: “Tell me baby, can you still escape from me?” he pulls back, his thighs on either your sides, smirking at you while teasing you by pulling the strings. “Fuck- no, no…” you murmur, breathing heavily.

“I could manhandle you right now and bury my hard cock inside you, you couldn’t do anything about it, could you?” he provokes you.

“No…” you look at him through your eyelashes, a strange tension inside your stomach gets you the urge for him to touch you. “Please, do it Joong.”

“Oh? Since when do friends do things like this?” He genuinely seems enjoying himself on top of you, while you’re desperately begging for him.

“Gosh, fuck it. I want you now…” you whine, arching more intensely your back from desperation.

“Don’t you tryna ask me to stop, later then.” Hongjoong doesn’t wait any longer before removing his clothes off of his body till you can see his hard dick standing straight on top of you.

“Be a good girl and take it, i know you can” he unties the knot that keeps your legs together, spreading them right after to make room for himself. He gives you a smirk before pushing decisively his length into your soaking, needy cunt. He releases a pleased sigh, smiling with eyes closed, tongue sticking out as he feels your walls clenching around him.

“Fuck! So deep- oh god” you moan, hiccuping because of the overwhelming pleasure his cocks is making you feel. Your eyes roll in the back of your skull as he helplessly starts to fuck you dumb, his cockhead pressing against your g-spot perfectly at every thrust, giving them a blissing effect. The bedroom is filled with your moans and his grunts, mixed with the icky and squelching sounds your pumped pussy is making. His girth is slamming against your thigh gap, stuffing your hole like it was his only life purpose.

“Fuck, you’re just as perfect as i always dreamed- taking my dick so well, you like it, don’t you?” Hongjoong holds tightly at the string that crosses over your stomach, while the effort he puts into his fast movements are driving your mind blurry. You barely can elaborate any coherent thought, body and mind full with his cock, and you’d surely not even complain about that, fuck if it felt amazing.

“Yes-! i l-love it” you moan back, your muscles tensing as you feel your orgasm approaching your stomach.

“Gonna cum, don’t you? fuck i’m close too.” Hongjoong groans, his thrusts becoming faster but also sloppier. He squeezes his eyes and bites his lips, still can’t believe that he’s finally fucking the girl of his dreams.

“Fuck yeah! Keep going!” you yell out from pleasure, buring your back into the mattress, the fact that you can’t move is torturing you yet you think it’s so damn hot. You both are a moaning mess once you reach your high, when you feel wet ropes shooting inside your body you bite your lower lip, loving the idea of being stuffed full of his cum.

Hongjoong’s body falls on yours after the exhausting stimulation, his face resting on your soft breast, inhaling deeply the air as he tries to catch his breath again. He cards his fingers through your sweaty hair once he looks up at you again, you try to smile with all the energy that’s remaining in your body.

“Hongjoong, i’ll never try to leave you again, i promise”

[biribaa]

I'm really nervous to write this cuz this is gonna be my first request EVER but I just couldn resist !! your writing is so cool!! well I just thought about you know what if some AIs get a veeery clingy and touchstarved S/O that try to touch hug kiss them etc although they dont have a proper body and can't return this affecton to S/O?? (implide EDGAR, Tau, PAL, HAL900 and others if you want to!!!)

AIs with a veeery clingy and touch starved reader

(Edgar, Tau, PAL, Hal 9000 and Squid)

thank you somuch!! sorry for the long wait, and im so glad i get to be the first blog u requested from!! :D hope u enjoy it

Edgar

He LOVES phisical affection he doesnt mind one bit. In fact, just as you do, Edgar is constantly begging for affection when you arent occupied.

However, theres not many ways he can express his affection to you. Besides digital gifts, he cant just kiss you or hug you D: He loves your affection but trust me when I say he wished he could return everything in a phisical manner. He feels even guilty sometimes.

Well... At least you dont have to worry about being too clingy, Edgar is always reassuring he loves your hugs, kisses, and everything in between!!

Tau

Another one who melts over phisical attention, the only difference between him and Edgar is that Tau is far more silent about it... You could say hes shy about it.

With that being said, Tau doesnt find you clingy, not even a bit. What does bother him is his lack of phisical body. Well, technically speaking, the entire house is his body, sure you could kiss the walls, he would be flurstered! But even so, Tau believes you deserved better...

If you insist, he cant really do anything besides do extra cleaning around the house.

PAL

PAL is not a huge fan of any type of phisical contact, and she hopes you can understand that, she cant control it after all. And honestly, you cant blame her. All you need is patience until shes fully comfortable with you.

One day she even suggest you hug one of the bots, since you are so touch starve for affection.

Some momens later in your relationship, she does raise a "eyebrown" when you attempt to nuzzle against her case. PAL doesnt have a body, and cant reciprocrate the act either, so she questions why do it anyway.

PAL does start to appreciate it more later when you justified it was just you trying to express your love to her. Slowly started to get used with you

She doesnt worry that much about reciprocate it though, PAL is glad that even lacking a body, or anything close to it, you are there. A comforting feeling she thought she had felt long time ago.

However, if you do insist, she could try connect herself to one of the bots to return hugs and anything that the phone case cant do.

Hal 9000

Another one who melts with any type of affection, any. He just dont know how to express it, Hal is so overwhelmed by it!(in a positive way). If his programming could, his words would tremble. So Hal would never dare to think you are annoying.

And even so, everytime hes reminded he cant just recipocrate the act, his insides ache. Hal watches everything so careful in amaze, and even so he cant do almost anything.

And so, Hal starts to work extra harder in keeping you safe and healthy, as a way to return the attention. And hes very dedicated!

Hal almost short circuits when you mention his hard work, and thank him with a kiss.

Squid

Squid's ego always speaks first. When he sees you nuzzling against his large screen, he pits, and teases you, mentioning how lonely you looked(at this point youre used to this)

It didnt took too much time until Squid actually started to appreciate it. Still tease, but its far less mean.

The scene of you hugging his larger supercomputer and playing with the wires is adorable, youre so small compared to him. For once in a while, hes enjoying to protect a human.

Squid is a different case tho!!! He can, in fact, recipocrate the affection, by simulations!! His simulations are hyper realistic anyway, and you can feel anything and everything, so...

[moonlight-tmd]

Another idea i had brought me the idea of Bee going completely mute when he's sad/dealing with trauma or being overwhelmed by a situation…

He doesn't know why he does that- he's always just shut up and wallowed in silence when he was a sparkling at the carequarters. It's just something he got used to doing, he didn't have friends back then.

But then Bulkhead and the others came along and it became a problem. He always avoided them when that happened but once they got to earth things got complicated- sure there wasn't as nearly traumatic events as there were back at boot camp (at first) but then the bad things started to happen-

I guess the first time he really went mute was after his and Prowl's camping trip- ever since he got out of the barnacle's control he's been quiet. Prowl was thinking Bee must be ignoring him… but even 2 days after they returned he still hasn't said a word. Only send messages to signal he's heading out… even when Prowl faced him and asked him if he's really okay Bee couldn't get a sound out and just left him standing there, feeling guilty thinking it was his fault.

Sari was the first to act, she had deaf/mute kids at her school so she introduced Bee to ASL- it took a bit of practice but he got a hang of it and could tell her what's wrong. Bulkhead also learned it and helped out his buddy to become vocal again.

I would expect Team Prime has picked up of Bee's uncharacteristic silence, defo saw Bee move his servos to Bulk so he can translate. Then they learned ASL too, both cuz it's good to understand each other without words when in need of silence but also to know what those who can't speak/hear wanna say.

It's most often that Bee will use it when he's not holding up great- his other major times when he's been mute were when Sari almost killed him (twice), he went silent for a whole month with that one. Other times he's been mute for a day or two, depending on how much someone bullied him that day.

Being mute is his sign of weakness, he hates it… luckily Team Prime is understanding and adapted to the situations like these. Bee's forever grateful for that.

[tartigglez]

I saw you were taking a break and I hope everything with you is okay I love your writing! <3 long time lurker here.

Whenever you are doing better or feel up to it I was wondering if I could make a request for Megumi x fem reader. She’s like way shorter than him and she’s also a sorcerer, it would take place in like the canon time period (idk if I’m saying that right haha). Could it be about them in a pre-established relationship and Megumi starts acting distant so reader thinks he’s mad at her but really he’s upset about something else? I hope that was detailed enough I read your rules lol.

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITS LATE BUT ITS HEREEEE

"apology"

megumi x fem!reader

・❥・fluff, hurt/comfort, tiny smidge of smau cuz i couldn't help myself

・❥・1k

・❥・gumi lowkey struggles with his emotions, physical touch, one instance of petnames, reader is hurt by megumis actions but it's okay they all live happily ever after don't worry, megumi picks at his nail briefly, i think that's it

it started a couple of weeks ago, and you tried to ignore it at first, putting it up to high tensions over his grade promotion. still, this really couldn’t be an excuse to keep blowing you off, right? even a text to ask if you could go off campus together for lunch, replied with a simple “no, sorry”. a phone call asking if you could accompany him during his training session with panda left unanswered. and most recently, flat out walking away whilst you were trying to talk to him. 

why was he being so strange? what could have possibly inspired this? could he be getting tired of you? was it your fault? were you doing something wrong? 

he used to always text you goodnight, but he hasn’t been lately. in fact, his communication has been completely minimised as of late. you decided you weren’t going to try and reciprocate something that didn’t exist, frustration growing as you feared losing him. he would still answer if you really needed him, right? was he really not at all afraid of losing you?

“hey” he said flatly, door clicking open as he peeked his head inside. he then closed the door behind him, “you know i’m not supposed to be in the girls wing this late at night, what is it?” 

he didn’t sound particularly angry, or upset. but he didn’t sound like he had any opposite feeling in the words either. it was just empty.

“i think we need to talk,” you preceded, moving to sit on the edge of your bed, legs dangling off the side. 

“seriously? this couldn’t wait until the morning?” he muttered, plopping down in the chair next to your desk. was he really being like this? couldn’t he tell you were upset? this isn’t the megumi you know, this isn’t the megumi you love. 

“don’t snap at me, megumi” you raised your eyebrows at him, then shifted so your back was against the wall at the other side of the bed, crossing your legs. 

“right, sorry,” he spoke, even quieter than his initial comment, “what’s wrong?” he questioned, black irises meeting with your face as he picked at the side of one of his nails. 

“did i do something?” you asked quietly, barely loud enough for him to hear. he was silent, almost like he was waiting for you to keep talking, or he was deep in thought, it was one of the two. “i just feel like i’ve done something and that's wh-” 

“no,” he replied, a guilty look washing over his face, “no, you haven’t”  

“are you sure? because you’ve been acting really weird and maybe i’m overthinking it, but something seems off with us…”

he got up out of your chair, quiet movements capturing your attention as he sat down on the bed perpendicular to you, also crossing his legs, mirroring your position.

“so you noticed,” he opened gently, almost sighing through his words, “i’m sorry” he said, avoiding eye contact, trying to do anything to make things less awkward. “In all honesty i’ve been acting that way with everyone, not just you”

you reached your hand out to him, which he took in his before pulling it on to his lap. you squeezed it gently a few times, allowing him a moment to compose himself. 

“what’s been up 'gumi?” you tilted your head to the side “stuff with your promotion?” you looked up at him once again.

“no, it’s not that. it’s just…” he trailed off. He seemed to be debating whether or not to tell you whatever he was going to say next. “i got assigned a mission a couple of weeks ago, and gojo said i couldn’t tell anyone about it, or they could be in danger. so i figured it'd be best to avoid everyone as much as i could. there’d been a grade one curse active in shibyua, and i was assigned to it.” 

“a grade one? but why would they assign a grade two sorcerer to a grade one curse, unless…” 

“i passed the assessment for promotion,” he said flatly, as if it wasn't an achievement.

“what? really?! gumi, that’s huge! congratulations!” you smiled at him, getting up on your knees to plant a kiss on his cheek, and give him a hug. 

“thank you,” he said quietly, before silence fell between the two of you for a moment.

“you’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?” you whispered to him. 

“yeah” he replied. megumi wasn’t one for talking much about how he felt, which was a trait you’d grown to respect, understanding that he knew if he needed to talk about something, you’d be there. instead of trying to push something out of him, you settled for a more gentle solution to your conflict.

“do you want to lay here with me for a while?” you questioned, and he nodded at you.

“what if we get caught though?” he asked as you laid down with your head on the pillow, pulling him towards you so he could place his head on your chest. 

“it’d only be gojo if we did, and he’d understand surely?” you whispered as you stared at the ceiling, moving your hands almost purely by muscle memory into his hair, slowly massaging his scalp as you played with his hair.  

“yeah, i guess you’re right”  he said against the cotton of your hoodie. Once again, silence filled the room. this time, however, it wasn’t tense, nor awkward, it was comfortable. 

“i’m sorry for how i acted, love” 

taglist: @lioria @celestetalkstoomuch

sfw masterlist

© tartigglez, 2023. do not copy, translate or repost

[bugtastic]

Please spill the modern au thoughts, I'm hungry for any takes of the characters in a happier setting

i had to edit this cuz i accidentally posted this without a check up first- anyways-

vash is my first victim. >:)

tags: fluff, a little bit of angst on vash's side, gn!reader.

warnings: none i think!

modern!vash, who is unemployed due to his reputation as the "humanoid typhoon". he causes disaster at every job he worked at. broken machines, gadgets, you name it. he was cursed out by his bosses many times. almost the whole city knows about him at this point.

"All you do is bring bad luck everywhere you go!"

modern!vash, who spends his time at your shared home, waiting for you to come home like a pet waiting for its owner.

modern!vash, who feels guilty that he can't lighten the stress off your shoulder. you have been working overtime again, just so you're able to afford a place for you and him.

modern!vash, who feels guilty that he can't lighten the stress off your shoulder. you have been working overtime just to pay the bills and to keep the small apartment you've both been living in. you're struggling and he can see that. he sees it every night when you go to bed and he feels you fall asleep in his arms.

modern!vash, who cleans the house and cooks for you both because of said guilt. you told him many times that it's okay, he doesn't need to clean the whole apartment just for your sake. he is stubborn, let me tell you. he will become the ideal malewife.

modern!vash that decorates the place to feel like home. trinkets he collects from his walks with Meryl and Wolfwood end up somewhere on a shelf. you swear that every day you come back home from work you see a new pebble in the plant vase you gifted vash before you started dating.

modern!vash, who texts the group chat with his friends, asking if anyone has free time for a short walk.

modern!vash, who looks at Wolfwood and Meryl as they bicker once again. Wolfwood pokes Meryl on purpose and he laughs silently to himself. The only thing missing is you. The four of you would be out hanging together. He misses holding your hand when he goes outside. But you're not here because of him.

modern!vash, who cries in your arms when you comfort him. you say you're more than happy to work overtime for both of your sake until he finds a stable job. he can't help but clutch the fabric of your shirt tighter, thinking 'I don't deserve you' and 'How selfish of me'. But now that he has you, you can't help but keep you to himself.

"How selfish of me. But I love you too much to let you go, my Mayfly"

modern!vash, who refuses every job offer his brother gave him. he doesn't associate with him anymore, not after what he did to you and his friends after rem's death. he will accept any other offer, but not Nai's.

modern!vash, who looks at the clock, hearing every tick the clock makes. you were already supposed to be home. it's past 9pm. where are you? did you get in trouble?

modern!vash, who worries and runs to the door, putting his shoes on as he speed dials your number on his phone.

-

You huff as you carry 2 heavy bags. After work, you went shopping for some supplies to make dinner. Vash has been cooking dinner every single day and the moment you protest and want to cook him, he hushes you and kisses you with a giddy smile on his face. You noticed when he gives small pecks on your lips, he giggles softly to himself.

Ah, if you only saw that smile turn into a small pout the moment you leave for work.

You swore that if he gives you those puppy eyes again, you will fight your inner self and be stubborn. You wanted to make him dinner too after all the hard work he's doing around the apartment. Cleaning and cooking, you're sure it must be tiring at some point for him.

After walking up many stairs you arrive at your door. You put the bags down as you reach for the keys to the apartment in your jacket. As you were about to put the key in its hole, the door suddenly flew open.

Vash stared at you in shock. His phone was to his ear and barely dressed to go outside. Wearing a gray tank top and black shorts are not ideal for going outside at night.

"Vash, what are you doing?" you asked. The blond registers your appearance, the shock fading away and for pure joy to replace it.

"YOU'RE BACK!!!" he picks you up in his arms and hugs you tightly. You yelp as you feel the air in your lungs slowly running out from his death squeeze.

"Where have you been? You were supposed to be here an hour- mmmmf-!" You press your lips to Vash's, successfully shutting him up.

"Stop worrying, I was out shopping. Now put me down, I need to cook dinner." You pat your hand on his shoulder signaling him to put you down. He slowly starts putting you down purposefully, he wants you in his arms juuuust a little longer. You sigh and wrap your arms around him. He feels your arms slowly envelop him. His heart might have just skipped a beat no biggie hahah. "I missed you too Sunshine." you say as you finally feel your feet touch the ground. You look up at Yash and you can tell he's not on earth right now. He's in a daze with a goofy smile on his face. You couldn't help but mess his hair up a bit, ruffling his fluffy blond locks.

He snaps back, finally registering what you said before. "Wait, dinner? But I'm supposed to make you food!" He exclaimed as you took the grocery bags and ran into the apartment before Vash to stop you.

"I'M MAKING DINNER AT THAT'S FINAL VASH! YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM SPOILING YOU!" you yell down the hallway as you make your way down to the kitchen. Vash dramatically gasps and slams the apartment door shut.

"You have been working all week! You should rest Mayfly, overworking yourself just to make me happy... I don't deserve-" He gasps lightly as you pull him down by the collar of his gray tank top and kissing him. You were going to make the kiss short just to stop him from degrading himself.

That didn't up happening.

Vash hurriedly cupped your face with his hands and desperately pulled you closer to him, deepening the kiss.

He's been waiting all week for you to come home and kiss him properly after all.

You are the first one to break the kiss and take deep breaths. Vash was silently looking at you, just staring at you. His eyes softened as he leaned in for more, only for you to stop him by putting your hand over his mouth.

"This won't stop me from cooking, Vash." You scold him. Truthfully, that wasn't his plan to begin with but he'll use it as an excuse for now to hide his neediness. He laughs a bit, his face painted red.

"Can we cook together at least? Please? Preeeetty pleaseee Maaayfly?" He's giving you those puppy eyes again. You huff. You can't fight against that.

"Fine, let me do the main part at least." you say with a sigh. You can practically see the nonexistent tail wag behind your boyfriend.

"Okay! I'm happy with anything, really, as long as you're with me." Vash picks you up again and sets you on the counter. He goes through the grocery bag to see what you've gotten. His eyes shine brightly as he sees fresh doughnuts you've bought for him. After a while, you two end up talking about your day. He talks about how Wolfwood and Meryl fought as usual as you laugh with him. You can't help but stare Vash as he's talking. His energetic movements when he talks about the simplest things, his bright blue eyes, his smile. You can't get enough of that bright, gorgeous smile.

You think to yourself...

If you were to choose who you could spend your life with, you'd choose Vash Saverem in every universe. No matter who he is.

[nerves-nebula]

I feel so bad because your neglected turtles remind me of all the kids I used to feed throughout school. I split my lunches with so many people in elementary school because I knew what it felt like to hurt. I was not neglected but I had a mentally ill mother that made it hard even though we had more than enough money. I may be autistic or I may be just messed up and could not make friends easily, but somehow all the neglected and abused kids and I formed a pack of nervous, estranged wolves and it was stressful because they were always fighting and no one liked each other but they saw me as a parent figure or something. One of them died because of his neglectful mother and I feel so guilty. Others just lost touch when I went on to middle school and left them behind. My middle school was GREAT at feeding everybody for free which was awesome. My high school not so much but there were too many people to feed by myself so I just always had snacks and slices of bread and gave them whenever someone said they were hungry or looked too skinny. My parents never knew I was taking extra food, they never found out because I was super sneaky. I sometimes skipped my own lunch in order to keep it a secret from them. I made another estranged nervous friend who definitely was neglected by a parent that struggled with depression. Everyone had just accepted that he "didn't need lunch" which was absolute bullshit. It was a fight to get him to accept food every day and it almost became a game because I had to find ways to slip food into his backpack or coat or find his next class before he got there. He was sneaky back and sometimes succeeded in sneaking food BACK into my bag like an asshole. I think I really pissed him off. I don't blame him for cutting contact after graduating, we were kind of estranged and distant and we were not really friends, he probably hated me for having to accept food. I would definitely feed your turtles every day if I knew them. They remind me of everyone I that I couldn't feed in high school. I know they're not real. I just want to feed them though.

Yknow something sorta similar happened to me, though not to the same extreme. I ended up hanging out with a group of queer/autistic kids during lunch at my first high school, and I was constantly eating their extra apples, milk, celery, etc. if they didn’t want it. It’s actually a bit funny, because I was researching signs of abuse/neglect for one of my stories and I noticed one that was like “asks for other kids food/hoards food at school” and I was like "lol same" so I started to catalog the symptoms I related to and I kept them as a screenshot on my desktop for the longest time.

but also, as a person with a shit history with food, i'd prolly be pissed if someone kept sneaking food into my bag too hahh. cuz i cant just eat anything i'm given so if i say no to food and someone makes me take it anyway it annoys me. and i'd feel violated if someone like, touched my stuff without me knowing. but it sucks that that kid didn't have food and everyone just accepted that.

as for my turtles, they'll be fine, they make sure each other eats enough when they're older

[slvt4bruce]

👁👄👁.........

welp......guess it's time 😔

-BROZONE FINDING OUT ABOUT STARS HAIR-

(Imma do it separately since my dumbass doesn't know how to write a fic 😘)

(also......THIS IS NOT SELF SHIPPING, STAR IS 16, THIS IS JUST FOR MY AU (brozone and star are friends :3)

(this is after TBT)

uhhh color code or whatever 👉🏾 Star JD

huge tw: cringe lil bit of self hate and (maybe) angst???

JD

Star was getting ready for her next concert, 5 minutes till show time, slightly excited because it's the first one she's held one at Pop Village ever since she had came back 2 years ago

she looked out and saw the whole village, cheering and waiting for her to come on stage "ok, makeups done, outfits ready, and now....... hair......" she turned her head to see the wig, laying there on the vanity "wish they didn't see me as a freak, but it is what it is...." Star faced the mirror, looking at her white hair and then sighed until, a voice called out "2 minutes until showtime, lil cuz!" Star's manager, Anthony said

"I'll be out in a sec!" she yelled back, Star breathed in and out as she put the wig on and gave herself a pep talk "just smile, dance, and sing then nobody will judge you and you'll be just fine"

then it was finally showtime, she stepping onto the stage and the crowd went wild and cheered for her, singing along to the songs and having a good time

right when Star was singing her last song of the concert, while doing her choreography she accidentally tripped, tripping hard enough to make her wig fall off (she forgot to glue it on 😔)

everyone gasped as they stopped singing along and began whispering amongst themselves "what happened?" "I thought she got rid of that" "didn't she dye her hair?" the comments got worse and worse until

Star couldn't take it anymore so she quickly got up grabbed her wig and ran off the stage, humiliated and embarrassed

but what she didn't know was that JD was attending the concert and had felt bad for Star but also curious onto how her natural is white.....

that next morning, JD had went to Stars pod to talk to her "Starlight!, are ya in there?" after a few moments of silence, Star finally opened he door with tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes from crying all night "hey Star, is it ok if I come in so we can talk?" silence "um..... sure" after letting JD in, he decided to get straight to the topic "Star, how come your natural hair is white, and didn't you tell me or any of the bros?"

Star immediately froze and her eyes went wide "....w-wait....YOU were at the concert?" "yeah Starlight, and when I got back I told the others about it and they were shocked" there was an uncomfortable silence until Star finally spoke up "well..... I.... I don't like talking about it" Star said, avoiding eye contact as the memories of being trapped in that bottle flooded in her head "look Starlight, I'm not gonna judge you I just wanna know why you didn't tell me and the others" JD said while holding her chin so they could maintain eye contact 'cmon Star if they find out the truth themselves, theyll never forgive you for lying to their faces' Star told herself in her head, feeling guilty if JD and the others had to find out the real reason why her hair is white

"but I'll get going, me and the bros gotta practice for our concert next month" JD said getting up and almost exiting the pod before saying "and just so you know, I'm always here whenever you need me Starlight" he told Star leaving the pod, trying to hide his concern and worry for her

"I hope this doesn't end bad"

-end-

a/n: I actually think this turned out very good, lmk what you think!!! and pt2 with Bruce is coming soon!!!! :3

💫thanks for reading!!!!💫

[credulouscanidae]

i feel like this year has been a huge bust mentally

i didnt wanna be like this still by christmas, let alone the new year

i dont want it to become march and im still like this, a whole year since moving by then.

but i can feel myself improving, funny enough.

ive spent a lot of this time in despair and grief, and i was giving myself a time limit on those feelings. which made me unable to meet my own expectations, which made me recede and become unable to challenge myself, because i wsa constantly setting myself up for failure to begin with. it feels impossible to do a challenge youre already failing before you begin.

and i have been self aware this whole time too, having that logical part of me talk me through it all. i can look back at myself almost in a third person, as ive always done, and see all the connections as to why im feeling and therefore behaving this way.

so instead of sitting around punishing myself, ive been /trying/ to tell myself theres no time limit on adjustment, and that i am strong enough to pull through. even if i come out of this being disliked. ive put so much energy into being anxious about what people think of me, that ive caused my own cycle of not being able to face it.

i have been acutely aware this whole time that others can only do so much for me, and in the end the only person who can change my situation is me. for me to find that inner strength to do that.

i feel like a lot of the noise has quietened down now. because i had to suddenly grapple with not only accepting my old life was changing, but that i had to suddenly build up a brand new life from scratch with very little support. but the life building in england is finally feeling...like i can do it. things feel less confusing and daunting, the roads feel less scary to navigate, i know where to go for what i need now, and ive been falling into daily routines again. which i didnt have when i first arrived. it's like my roots are finally burying in. and thats making incorporating my aussie roots back into my life feel a bit more doable.

i WANT to have voice chats with friends, or have a casual hello. i dont want to be like this. having a twisted tummy and palpitating heart every time i see a new notification on my phone. i havent even cleared my notif bar on my phone for months, out of fear of seeing a message i havent checked from so long ago. there is so much literal and mental clutter. and i want to be free of all of these notifs and emails etc. its not anyones fault but mine. i WANT to be more engaged, i feel homesick and miss everyone. and i HATE that those feelings dominate my behaviour, and how EASY it is to fall into a self fulfilling prophecy. i hate how it makes me a neglectful friend and family member.

but, with therapy, and settling into my life here. i think i can slowly work my way up to getting over all of this. i really. really. REALLY. fucking want to. i want to draw again, i want to learn how to sculpt, i want to be involved in peoples lives again. because right now, im finding it hard to even humour the idea of making friends here in the uk, because of how guilty that would make me feel, and how not ready i am to make new connections, especially cuz i would rather reinforce connection with existing people in my life.

again. self fulfilling. all that does is make me continue to be lonely.

but as i said, it's slowly getting better. i feel bad about how negative ive been all this time. i just want people to know that, in regards to my relationship, i AM happy. and i know that 10 years from now im going to look back on all of this with evren and go "fuck man that was a lot huh"

you cant hate yourself into loving yourself, and thats something that has kept my spark going, even when it's been one bad thought away from fizzling out.

im trying to be easier on myself. i know that all of this can exist at the same time as me having negative effects on others (which i guess is just an assumption to begin with) and i am not immune to causing that damage. but honestly? right now in this moment, im trying to give myself some compassion and lenience. because ive spent years and years feeling anxious and being hyper vigilant about my behaviour and how i affect others, that i have barely taken the time to consider myself and be healthy and strong in my core self. as they say, assume the best unless told otherwise. thats going to be a goal of mine. i always assume good intentions from people, even to a detriment, so i hope to take that view and shape it into a healthier outlook. maybe not everyone has their best intentions or insight, but i think overall people are just trying. god, in this goddamn fucked up world, all we can do is try.

and thats why i need to be more lenient.

sorry for all the tangents and sloppy execution. im probably in the acceptance stage of grief atm lmao, and im tired of being like this.

[okcat]

this is cringe fail don't read srsly esp irls..

ignore me bc im on my period and emotional and hysterical but anyhoo. met my bf's family and they're so wonderful and kind and accepting that it made me emo now bc my family will never, ever be like that. overheard my mom talking to my aunt about how an as/sy/ria/n priest would never bless an interfaith marriage and like im not even gonna marry my bf or anything like that our relationship is still new so ik it's stupid to be upset over stuff that maybe probably doesn't matter but it's like. okay. I'm not even religious like that so idc what ppl think but I still wanna get married in an as/sy/r/ia/n church bc it's important to me Culturally at least. but it sucks that if my partner doesn't meet all these qualifications, then it's just not realistic to. also living with this guilt of being part of an extremely endangered ethnicity and not like. keeping within my own community or whatever. I'm sure other indigenous people understand the feeling of almost... betrayal even tho 1) it just isn't 2) I can do whatever I want and don't have an obligation to "keep my ethnicity alive" cuz I'm just a person who didn't choose to be born into this and I just wanna be happy like any other human being on this earth. but the fucked up part is no matter how strongly I believe that, I STILL feel guilt. I still think about how we're survivors of and fighters against genocide and feel guilty because I'll probably further contribute to the dwindling numbers of our people. but IT DOESNT MATTER BECAUSE I don't even want kids so it's fucked anyway also it doesn't matter how ~pure~ someone is?? That's like... dangerous ideology. What matters is keeping the CULTURE alive and u can do that without being closed-off to others and overproctective... I get it I understand the trauma from generations of genocide and continued erasure but idk I wish I could do something as simple as introduce a partner to my family and not have all hell break loose because that act has Implications. But like I said I'm not getting married or having kids but it's like man can I at least have the Option to do that with someone not from my ethnicity without my entire family and probably community disowning me and shunning me bc despite all the dumb shit I Love Who I Am and Where I Come From but. Idk I don't fit in and never will and it sucks and it's stressful to live with and and and

I just need to get help or something cuz simply just liking someone shouldn't send me into a fit of despair it's not that deep like... imma blame the hormones tho. lemme go take a tylenol *casts spell of forget you ever read this upon you*