#But I stopped actively engaging with people after a number of those situations

[ask-elland-n-will]

[OOC rant about HL rp space here on tumblr: Wanted to mention this for a while but engagement requires... engagement. The more rp blogs exchange asks, the more pathways there are to communicate, to create a net of connections, make characters and the world around them come to life. Over the past year and a half I sent hundreds of asks, in anon/as me/as my characters. I understand being shy. I've been there, and it took some great people in this community to get me out of my shell.

But it is just what it is: unfortunately, if there is no reciprocity, there is no dialogue.

You don't have to wait for a green light/talk in DMs first with creating an rp scenario to send anyone an ask or to initiate rp by tagging someone. You can if it makes you more comfortable but don't have to. Most of us have Rules of Engagement but that's all the pre-requisites.

Before I burned out, I sent people asks just to make them happy, give some interactions for their characters. I wanted to find out more about MCs/OCs. But at this point (and I am not alone in this) whenever this turns into a one-sided communication, I am bothered by it, and I stop sending asks after a while.

I get that if I do it with anons, people won't know who to reply to. But even starting small, sending an ask or two for at least some rp people, so that we know you want to engage — it means a lot. It makes us want to continue playing in this HL sandbox.]

[dailyanarchistposts]

On Sunday, February 25, we received an email from a person who signed himself[1] Aaron Bushnell.

It read,

Today, I am planning to engage in an extreme act of protest against the genocide of the Palestinian people. The below links should take you to a livestream and recorded footage of the event, which will be highly disturbing. I ask that you make sure that the footage is preserved and reported on.

We consulted the Twitch account. The username displayed was “LillyAnarKitty,” and the user icon was a circle A, the universal signifier for anarchism—the movement against all forms of domination and oppression.

In the video, Aaron begins by introducing himself. “My name is Aaron Bushnell. I am an active-duty member of the US Air Force and I will no longer be complicit in genocide. I’m about to engage in an extreme act of protest—but compared to what people have been experiencing in Palestine at the hands of their colonizers, it’s not extreme at all. This is what our ruling class has decided will be normal.”

The video shows Aaron continuing to film as he walks to the gate of the Israeli embassy in Washington, DC, puts down the phone, douses himself in a flammable liquid, and sets himself alight, shouting “Free Palestine” several times. After he collapses, police officers who had been watching the situation unfold run into the frame—one with a fire extinguisher, another with a gun. The officer continues pointing the gun at Aaron for over thirty seconds as Aaron lies on the ground, burning.

Afterwards, police announced that they had called in their Explosive Ordinance Disposal Unit.

We have since confirmed the identity of Aaron Bushnell. He served in the United States Air Force for almost four years. One of his loved ones described Aaron to us as “a force of joy in our community.” An online post described him as “an amazingly gentle, kind, compassionate person who spends every minute and penny he has helping others. He is silly, makes anyone laugh, and wouldn’t hurt a fly. He is a principled anarchist who lives out his values in everything he does.”

Aaron’s friends tell us that he has passed away as a consequence of his injuries.

All afternoon, while other journalists were breaking the news, we discussed how we should speak about this. Some subjects are too complex to address in a hasty social media post.

The scale of the tragedy that is taking place in Gaza is heartrending. It exceeds anything we can understand from the vantage point of the United States. Over 30,000 Palestinians have been killed, including over 12,000 children. More than half of all inhabitable buildings in all of Gaza have been destroyed, along with the majority of hospitals. The vast majority of the population are living as refugees with little access to water, food, or shelter.

The Israeli military is now planning a ground invasion of Rafah that will add untold numbers of casualties to this toll. It is not hyperbole to say that we are witnessing the deliberate commission of genocide. All available evidence indicates that the Israeli military will continue killing Palestinians by the thousand until they are forced to stop. And the longer this bloodshed goes on, the more people will die in the future, as other governments and groups imitate the precedent set by the Israeli government.

The United States government bears equal responsibility in this tragedy, having armed and financed Israel and provided it with impunity in the sphere of international relations. Within Israel, the authorities have effectively suppressed protest movements in solidarity with Gaza. If protests are going to exert leverage towards stopping the genocide, it is up to people in the United States to figure out how to accomplish that.

But what will it take? Thousands across the country have engaged in brave acts of protest without yet succeeding in putting a halt to Israel’s assault.

Aaron Bushnell was one of those who empathized with the Palestinians suffering and dying in Gaza, one of those haunted by the question of what our responsibilities are when we are confronted with such a tragedy. In this regard, he was exemplary. We honor his desire not to stand by passively in the face of atrocity.

The death of a person in the United States should not be considered any more tragic—or more newsworthy—than the death of a single Palestinian. Still, there is more to say about his decision.

Aaron was the second person to self-immolate at an Israeli diplomatic institution in the United States. Another demonstrator did the same thing at the Israeli consulate in Atlanta on December 1, 2023. It is not easy for us to know how to speak about their deaths.

Some journalists see themselves as engaged in the neutral activity of spreading information as an end in itself—as if the process of selecting what to spread and how to frame it could ever be neutral. For our part, when we speak, we presume that we are speaking to people of action, people like ourselves who are aware of their agency and are in the process of deciding what to do, people who may be wrestling with heartache and despair.

Human beings influence each other both through rational argument and through the infectiousness of action. As Peter Kropotkin put it, “Courage, devotion, the spirit of sacrifice are as contagious as cowardice, submission, and panic.”

Just as we have a responsibility not to show cowardice, we also have a responsibility not to promote sacrifice casually. We must not speak carelessly about taking risks, even risks that we have taken ourselves. It is one thing to expose oneself to risk; it is another thing to invite others to run risks, not knowing what the consequences might be for them.

And here, we are not speaking about a risk, but about the worst of all certainties.

Let’s not glamorize the decision to end one’s life, nor celebrate anything with such permanent repercussions. Rather than exalting Aaron as a martyr and encouraging others to emulate him, we honor his memory, but we exhort you to take a different path.

“This is what our ruling class has decided will be normal.”

These words of Aaron’s haunt us.

He is right. We are rapidly entering an era in which human life is treated as worthless. This is obvious in Gaza, but we can see it elsewhere around the world, as well. With wars proliferating around the Mideast and North Africa, we are poised on the threshold of a new age of genocides. Even inside the United States, mass casualty incidents have become routine, while an entire segment of the underclass is consigned to addiction, homelessness, and death.

As a tactic, self-immolation expresses a logic similar to the premise of the hunger strike. The protester treats himself or herself as a hostage, attempting to use his or her willingness to die to pressure the authorities. This strategy presumes that the authorities are concerned with the protester’s well-being in the first place. Today, however, as we wrote in regards to the hunger strike of Alfredo Cospito,

No one should have any illusions about how governments view the sanctity of life in the age of COVID-19, when the United States government can countenance the deaths of a million people without blushing while the Russian government explicitly employs convicts as cannon fodder. The newly-elected fascist politicians who govern Italy have no scruples about consigning whole populations to death, let alone permitting a single anarchist to die.

In this case, Aaron was not an imprisoned anarchist, but an active-duty member of the US military. His LinkedIn profile specifies that he graduated from basic training “top of flight and top of class.” Will this make any difference to the US government?

If nothing else, Aaron’s action shows that genocide cannot take place overseas without collateral damage on this side of the ocean. Unfortunately, the authorities have never been especially moved by the deaths of US military personnel. Countless US veterans have struggled with addiction and homelessness since returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. Veterans commit suicide at a much higher rate than all other adults. The US military continues to use weapons that expose US troops to permanent brain injuries.

Members of the military are taught to understand their willingness to die as the chief resource they have to put at the service of the things they believe in. In many cases, this way of thinking is passed down intergenerationally. At the same time, the ruling class takes the deaths of soldiers in stride. This is what they have decided will be normal.

It is not willingness to die that will sway our rulers. They really fear our lives, not our deaths—they fear our willingness to act collectively according to a different logic, actively interrupting their order.

Many things that are worth doing entail risks, but choosing to intentionally end your life means foreclosing years or decades of possibility, denying the rest of us a future with you. If such a decision is ever appropriate, it is only when every other possible course of action has been exhausted.

Uncertainty is one of the most difficult things for human beings to bear. There is a tendency to seek to resolve it as quickly as possible, even by imposing the worst-case scenario in advance—even if that means choosing death. There is a sort of relief in knowing how things will turn out. Too often, despair and self-sacrifice mingle and blur together, offering an all-too-simple escape from tragedies that appear unsolvable.

If your heart is broken by the horrors in Gaza and you are prepared to bear significant consequences to try to stop them, we urge you to do everything in your power to find comrades and make plans collectively. Lay the foundations for a full life of resistance to colonialism and all forms of oppression. Prepare to take risks as your conscience demands, but don’t hurry towards self-destruction. We desperately need you alive, at our side, for all that is to come.

As we wrote in 2011 in reference to the self-immolation of Mohamed Bouazizi,

Nothing is more terrifying than departing from what we know. It may take more courage to do this without killing oneself than it does to light oneself on fire. Such courage is easier to find in company; there is so much we can do together that we cannot do as individuals. If he had been able to participate in a powerful social movement, perhaps Bouazizi would never have committed suicide; but paradoxically, for such a thing to be possible, each of us has to take a step analogous to the one he took into the void.

Let’s admit that the kind of protest activity that has taken place thus far in the United States has not served to compel the US government to compel a halt to the genocide in Gaza. It is an open question what could accomplish that. Aaron’s action challenges us to answer this question—and to answer it differently than he did.

We mourn his passing.

[1] In the email, Aaron specified his pronouns as he/him.

[balefulbasal]

Why I Feel Miguel O’Hara (Spiderman 2099) Is Modeled After A Jumping Spider

NOTE: I’m broke, so I have not actually seen the movie. I read spoiler articles, watched the limited clips available on the internet, and engaged in discourse online from casual fans all the way up to storyboard writers for Miguel O’Hara. Therefore, I understand that my perception of this has the potential to be incomplete and limited.

CW: Points are numbered 1 - 8, with 8 being the longest and most opinionated, and set up from mild fun facts at the beginning to increasing in sad observations as the points carry on toward the end.

LET US COMMENCE!

1. Jumping spiders are known to jump & pounce on their prey, not graceful like most other spiders. Miguel jumps & pounces, not gracefully. Just force.

2. Phintella vittata jumping spiders detect ultraviolet light from UVB & have specialized surfaces on their bodies to reflect it. The digital/holographic suit could be a nod to this.

3. Jumping spiders are venomous like most other spiders, & their venom paralyzes rather than kills. This is what Miguels fangs do.

4. Jumping spiders make silk, but they don’t rely on it to make webs to catch prey. Many jumping spider species actively hunt their prey & use their webbing abilities mainly as an anchor when they get to jumping. Miguel is seen running on all fours, using his arms and upper body to get from one area to the next, using his webs as anchors instead of primary mobility.

5. Spider “paws” are very complex, as is the rest of their leg structures. But many have two “claws” that appear to be growing out from under the paw. (In Miguel’s case, one claw per finger pad) and they use these to grip onto certain surfaces. 

6. Miguel’s top half is huge, muscular, & those arms are a masterpiece. Jumping spiders are known to have large front legs that are used to hold down prey while injecting paralytic venom. I saw an article call jumping spiders larger front legs “Popeye arms” and I think that’s cute.

7. Jumping spiders are often demonized because they “look scary”. Many people are afraid of them because of how fast they move, & how they seem to stare into your soul if you get its attention. Miguel has the same effect on people. His appearance and demeanor come across as intimidating.

8. All spiders are beneficial to ecosystems as pest control. Often found in gardens, jumping spiders are great at keeping the peace within that environment. A sign of a healthy garden is the presence of jumping spiders. Miles was a disturbance in the ecosystem that big boy jumping spider Miguel had to handle. Like in a garden in real life, if the jumping spiders are gone, harmful bug species move in. Stopping/handling anomalies is how Miguel kept the peace in the Spiderverse. It’s noted in the movie that Miguel has no spidey sense. Jumping spiders rely heavily on their exceptional eyesight to detect motion, rather than their sensor “hairs.” Instead of primarily “feeling” the danger approaching, they have a better grasp on seeing/assessing what the threat is, & then making a decision. With a character like Miguel, this could be another nod to how his “overthinking” or “critical demeanor” is seen as a negative. He must see the situation/circumstance before acting. But since no other spider persons have this setback, he is seen as volatile, critical, & intimidating because of HAVING to do things differently. (I personally think he’s got the ‘Tism for many reasons, but ESPECIALLY because of lacking a necessary skill that all spider persons have, YET HE IS spider person. Sounds a lil neurodivergent. I WILL be doing another post building on that idea, and it WILL be painfully specific).

In Conclusion: In my opinion, Spiderman 2099 is the main Spider Person who has exact characteristics of a spider, instead of being spider-like adjacent, like most Spider Persons.

Thank you for reading!

[hanibalistic]

#FFD500 | PARK JISUNG.

genre | fluff, meet cute au, strangers au

word count | 1781

warning | smoking ​

with suit and tie, styled hair, minimal makeup, and a heavy name on his back, jisung realized he could not do it. he could not bring himself to enter the main scene of high school prom.

nervous sweat drenched his hands and he hastily wiped away at the side of his hips. the blinking neon lights coming through the small windows of the assembly hall doors, and the loud blasty music that belonged to none other than his very own idol group made him feel isolated in this dark, empty school hallway he has barely walked across since he got accepted into the school.

there was no point in this. there was no point in attending. donghyuck had encouraged him the most when he was debating whether he wanted to go to prom; he said it could help with blowing off some steam, and there might even be a possibility of meeting someone eccentric, like how he did when he decided to attend prom two years back. jisung had believed him, and now he realized he should not have.

he barely attended school because of his conflicting schedule as a worldwide idol. logically speaking, he shouldn't even be allowed to graduate with the number of absences in his record, but he did so with flying colors anyway. he was everyone's friend and he has no friends; there would be no one to talk to inside, and the clear superiority in accomplishment he held might make things embarrassing and awkward for him.

he understood why donghyuck would deem his experience at his prom great. it was because he knew how to talk, he knew how to charm, and he was never shy around people. jisung believed his story when he talked about the student he frantically danced with under artificial lights. for donghyuck, having met someone eccentric was merely a fortunate coincidence, if not a miracle that he met someone exactly like him.

jisung was nothing like that. he knew he was nothing like that. dealing with strangers, let alone the mysteriously off ones, was never his forte. he would just make a fool of himself, he would not be having a good time.

going to prom was a bad idea. he should leave.

"jesus–watch it!"

"ah..." his voice dimmed as he immediately turned toward the direction of where the explosive voice came from. his hurrying steps halted to a stumble before a stop, and he eyed you up and down carefully before he dipped his head. "sorry... i–i didn't mean to scare you."

"i wasn't scared, just startled," you retorted quickly, but your voice was much calmer than your initial snap. tapping the lit cigarette in your hand lightly with your index finger, you mumbled as you eyed him with mild curiosity after your angry brows faded, "you came out in a hurry. forgot you had an award show to attend to, hmm?"

"oh–no, it's not that–" jisung paused abruptly, he wasn't sure why. when you raised a brow at him, almost impatiently it seemed, he gulped down a nervous knot and scratched the back of his head. "sorry, i just.. i didn't think you would know me."

you blinked at him as you swiped your tongue against your teeth, clicking with what jisung could not tell was menace or disinterest. either way, they were both bad. taking a short puff of the cigarette, you exhaled a cloud of smoke before you mused, "who said i know you, park jisung?"

he gulped, visibly distraught and confused.

"you just said–"

"i just what?"

he gulped again when his meek sentence was cut off so quickly. not even his brothers have interrupted him like this before, at least not with the genuine intention to anyway. it seemed that at this moment, he further came to the realization just how well he was taken care of by everyone around him, because could such a simple jab to a social interaction cause him such anxiety if he was used to it?

(he was glad he wasn't used to it.)

"what is a hotshot like you doing here anyway?" you fired the sudden question, looking to him with intrigue.

you were never one to engage in idol activities. you weren't even in this school to become an artist; you were forced here by your parents who stood somewhere in the industry. one day they realized you had the voice and the range to deserve the spotlight, and here you were stuck in those shit-ugly, overdue-banana-colored uniforms, trying to be a star you didn't want to be.

but jisung—you knew jisung. everybody knew jisung. your classmates, the teachers, that random american tourist who asked you for directions in the street, that kpop warrior online who kept screenshots of netizen articles and translating them out of context. everybody knew jisung, but very few knew him enough.

you didn't care much for him, but your curiosity just had to be fulfilled now that you were seeing him in person. what was he doing here, in a suit and sweating through his hair? did he always talked this shyly or was it your typical idol persona act? were you scaring him and should you do it even more to purposefully leave a bad impression?

your stare was confronting in this silence. granted, it was his turn to speak, so he was at blame for your lingering gaze on him. "i thought... i thought maybe i could go to prom," he finally replied quietly.

you hummed in acknowledgment, then you tilted your head. you looked behind your shoulder into the school, your eyes briefly grazing past the colorful doors that were the entrance to literal teenage hell, and you jabbed your thumb toward the direction. "prom is that way, though, dumbo."

"i know that," jisung said, embarrassed. "i just... i don't have friends."

you laughed, and once again jisung couldn't tell if you were genuinely amused or it was a response of mockery. inhaling carefully, you longing exhaled the smoke as your dazed eyes looked past him, with a smile so vague it seemed unnatural.

"what are you talking about? you've got friends. you got friends everywhere!"

"i... i don't?"

"sure you do!" you exclaimed boldly as you stretched your arms out to the sky, eyes ablaze at the stars above. "they are everywhere for you, jisung. you got friends everywhere because everyone wants to be your friend. you have options, you are just not taking them!"

"but they're not–" he licked his lower lip nervously, feeling a sense of sorrow cast over him upon the teenage loneliness he gained in trade for his success. "they're not real friends."

you paused.

real friends?

you paused; motions stopped, arms empty without strength, and eyes hallow with confused questioning. you stared at jisung as if he was a foreign creature who had said something absurd, so absurd you had to decide whether you wanted to ridicule him or interrogate him first.

what are real friends, anyway?

people who love you but do nothing about it, people who say they love you but do not, people who act upon loving you but do not? people who leave you alone at a bad time because you asked them to, people who would not leave you alone at a bad time even if you asked them to, people who knew how to juggle in between? people who comfort you because they understood you, people who advise because they could not understand you, people who try to relate to you because it was what they knew to be comfortable?

which one of those was real? were any of them fake simply because you didn't like it? when did you get crowned the decision-maker?

what are real friends, anyway? why does it matter, anyway?

why does truth matter if the lies treat you so well?

when you made up your mind to do both, you began to move fluidly again. your lips opened to breathe, and you chuckled sardonically at his naivety.

"what do you need the realness for? lies are lies only if it bothers you, essentially meaning you don't really need the absence of lies," you said. "who cares about real friends, you just need friends. don't you think you are expecting too much from humanity?"

there was sympathy in jisung that he did not know had risen. the basis of the situation, of why you came to the conclusion that people were less than gentle and kind, he knew nothing of but he was sorry for. whether something has happened in your life, or if you simply grew to be cynical, the lack of tiny joys in life must be a terrible feast.

he also knew he hasn't the energy and wit to argue himself to victory; his humanism, the desire to prove that people are good because his people have been good, would not be enough to shake you.

"shouldn't you stop smoking?" he asked, promptly changing the subject.

you removed the cigarette from your mouth, brows furrowed in annoyance now that the attention was directed toward you. you exhaled the smoke slowly from your throat, and you tilted your head up to the sky where you gently said, "maybe not. i just can't seem to die."

your god-given voice just wouldn't let off.

"do you plan to go back in after then? smelling like smoke?" he asked.

"don't mock me boy." you grinned with a glare hanging off the corner of your mouth. "and no, i am not going back in. i don't have friends, but unlike you, i just don't have friends because i am a raging asshole."

jisung finally breathed out a giggle, but it was abruptly short. he covered his mouth and lowered his head, only peeking up at you occasionally. "well, if it's any consolation, i don't think you're all that bad."

your eyes fluttered as you silently tapped your cigarette. he was just as you expected but a little more. you could understand why people like him so much now; his innocence wasn’t a drag, it was a charm. 

you gave him a silent but thankful smile before you looked away. "yeah. thanks."

jisung thought you looked less angry now; eyes at the stars, wishful and longing to be above. the blush that blossomed on his cheeks remained despite the faded nervousness, maybe it was because he felt a fondness toward you he usually wouldn't toward the people he spend his time around; you were a classmate, someone his age, someone who could understand him if allowed.

an eccentric stranger that donghyuck suspected he might meet.

maybe it was a good idea that he never went to prom.

[princess-of-disappointment]

Intruder Alert

Request from @perksofbeingatrex​: Hey I wasn’t sure if this was the right place to request? And if it is maybe y/n is a streamer and has an intruder or something idk I like reading angsty/fluffy stuff

-----

Hi Hi!

Thank you so much for sending in your request! I’ll work on figuring out a system for requests, but in the meantime if you’d like to send anything in via dm like she had, I have no issues with it! I’ll respond as soon as I see it just for some clarification and to let you know that I have indeed seen your request with no problems. :)

Anyways, @perksofbeingatrex​ I hope you enjoy this! I really enjoyed writing it and funnily enough almost started it in a completely different way (saved that beginning for a future writing).

I will admit my usage of the word “you” feels very repetitive so if anyone out there has any suggestions about helping that for future writings that would be greatly appreciated!

-----

Intruder Alert

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Reader (y/n)

Warning: Angst / Fluff

Specific Warning: CREEPY AF, intrusion, stalking?

Summary: During a stream of Among Us, y/n receives some creepy messages in chat which quickly escalate.

Word Count: 1,438

-----

After being a streamer for a few years, you had become used to some of the peculiar and out there things that people have said in your chat. However, today, a day no where near Halloween or any other related event, you were most definitely not expecting to be receiving some of the absurd and rather creepy messages that you were receiving.

“You still live in (town name), right?”

“Is that a lawnmower I hear? I must be getting closer.”

“I can’t wait to see you in person…”

There were more of these messages and every time a user sending these would get banned, it almost seemed like double that amount would pop up. For awhile you were truly creeped out and then you went through the moments where you thought chat was just trolling you, however one message in particular really got you on edge:

“Blue house, number 332, right? Looks like no one else is home.”

That comment alone made a shiver run down your spine. You weren’t certain if they got the town correct or even the state you were living in, but this was too much of a coincidence to ignore as those specific details matched your home exactly.

Your roommates were out of town visiting family and friends and you had opted to stay at the house to hold down the fort and you had thought that it would be a pleasant experience to have the place to yourself for once.

Not knowing how to respond to that message you completely halt what you were doing both in real life and the game that you were currently playing which happened to be Proximity Among Us with Corpse, Rae, Sykkuno, Toast, Poki, Ludwig, Leslie, Peter, and Karl.

You were imposter that round meaning you were allowed to look at your chat and you had simply been keeping an eye on it due to the strangeness of today’s chat. You didn’t comment on anything that had been said and were actively engaging in a conversation with Corpse as you were following him around the map when that particular message rolled in.

“You could totally kill me right here, y/n, and no one would know. I wouldn’t blame you.”

Laughing, you had responded with, “Corpse, I am not imposter and I certainly don’t-” your words slowly begin to fall flat when you read that message and you stop moving your character as you turn away from your screen to peer at the other monitor to ensure you read that right.

Corpse noticed the change in behavior quite quickly. How could he not when you had been happily laughing beside him and then you suddenly weren’t, “y/n? Is everything alright?”

You had no idea how to respond as you quickly got up to lock the door of the room that you are in, bumping into a light stand while in a hurry, knocking it over. Your mic being unmuted caught this sound and alerted Corpse that something definitely wasn’t right. With your lack of response to his previous questions to you, he decided to attempt to call your cell phone which happened to be sitting on your desk.

As you finished up repositioning the light stand that you had knocked over, your phone began to ring. You answer immediately and mute your mic both in game and for the stream before going over to the only window in the room and closing the curtains quickly, “Corpse? Wh-what’s up?”

“Is everything alright?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I should still be streaming or calling the police… Oh my… I should be calling the police,” you trail off as you mentally make note of anything and everything you have ever heard about being in a situation where there may be an intruder, you just never thought that it could ever happen to you, much less on stream where your thousands upon thousands of viewers could see.

“What’s going on right now?” You were freaking Corpse out, you could hear it in his tone as he asked the question in which you weren’t quite sure of the answer, and with how heightened your senses seemed to be out of the mixture of pure adrenaline and fear, you knew you couldn’t have both of your anxieties going rampant at the moment.

“I-I… I’m not quite sure… I think someone may be outside of my house. The roomies are out of town and I’ve been getting these messages in chat and I thought that maybe they were just trolling but this one… This one…”

You’re cut off by a loud noise sounding from somewhere within the house and you quickly cover your mouth in hopes to make yourself quieter. You move to the far corner of your office with your phone in one hand and grabbing the light stand as you pass it. It wasn’t the best option for defense if necessary, but it was light enough for you to carry and could put some distance between yourself and whoever was to enter the room.

On the other side of the phone line, Corpse had quickly ended his stream and used his home phone to call the police, giving them your address before grabbing his mask and car keys. “y/n, stay on the call with me. I’m on my way over. I’ll be there soon, okay honey?”

“O-okay…” you speak as quietly as you could and thankfully Corpse had been able to hear the short response as he starts his car and turns his phone on speaker phone before setting it in one of the vehicle’s cup holders.

Thankfully you lived in a small town about a half hour away from San Diego and traffic wasn’t as bad as it could be as he was able to arrive at your house just within that 30 minute time range. When he arrived the police had already arrived and you were standing outside with them discussing what had happened.

Those 30 minutes waiting for Corpse’s arrival had been terrifying. You refused to turn off your stream in case it were to capture something, but you worried about ruining the game experience for your friends. These conflicting thoughts ran around your mind, yet you were frozen in the corner of your room as you heard more noises throughout your home and over time they slowly got closer and closer to your locked door. They were right outside of your door when the police arrived and entered the building. Thankfully, the person outside your door hadn’t planned on this and was handcuffed to be taken in for questioning. Even so, you were still shaky and anxious about the whole experience. On your way out of your house to chat with the police, you gave your camera a brief wave before leaving the game and the stream - you would have to apologize to your friends later for leaving without an explanation but for now, it was too fresh to discuss online.

You answered all the questions brought your way to the best of your ability and although you knew you were safe now, you were still uneasy and knew that only one person could make it all better… And then he arrived. Once you had caught his eye, tears began to fill your eyes. Throughout this whole experience, you had managed to keep the tears at bay, but once you saw him, your rock, your person, arrive they just seemed to want to be let free. You quickly excuse yourself from the questioning and rush over to Corpse.

As though he could read your mind, he opens up his arms to embrace you once you were within his reach. Your hands lace under his arms as you gently clutch at the back of his hoodie while holding him while his arms wrap around your figure and his head leans to rest against yours.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” He mutters softly before pecking the side of your head.

“No no no… You got here at the perfect time… The police got him and they were finishing up some questions and now they’re leaving and…” You pull away slightly to look at him mid-rant, “Can you just… Can you stay here with me? Like just for the night or whenever…”

He smiles softly before leaving a kiss on your forehead and gently nuzzling the side of your head, “I don’t plan on going anywhere right now princess.”

A small smile appears on your face at his words, “Really? Can you stay until my roomies get back home?”

“Of course I will.”

[the-hellsing-organisation]

Ordinarily I do not indulge in callout posts, unless a person's mental health might be in serious danger - and it's not a petty lie somebody made up, providing no screenshots, or simple ones taken out of context.

I have received multiple messages now, proving to me that the Hellsing Discord server 'The Hellsing Fanserver' lead by 'Artillery' is unfortunately a place people need to be warned about.

While everyone could assure me they do offer good scans of the Hellsing manga, the members of the server indulged in:

- Purposefully misgendering people

- Making fun of triggers, trans people and people with severe mental illnesses

- Purposefully using triggers against other server members

- Manipulating other people to use the triggers against the person they concern and shifting the blame on them afterwards

- Bringing explicit sexual themes to a server with minors

Afterwards they would celebrate their 'success', making fun of the people they hurt.

The so called 'trolling' (though I wouldn't dare to call such a hurtful behaviour this) was encouraged on the server, so I would deem it an unsafe environment for everyone whose mental health might be affected by such things.

Please be careful if these things concern you and please do not encourage such behaviour.

It's not only hurtful, it is downright cruel.

The invitations, though the links are expired.

Here you see some of the accounts that were directly involved.

Please be careful.

Tumblr Accounts

Discord Accounts

I can only assume alts mean something like alternative accounts he and his friends created in order to do these things, engaging others on the server to do the same.

He then proceeds to share the success of the hurtful behaviour on before mentioned Discord server, commenting such:

^ The “he” they are referring to is a demi girl. And yes, on the other server the pronouns are clearly stated and everyone is asked to respect them.

He is downright admitting openly to have his friends manipulated other people to use the triggers against another person.

(For context: A server members triggers were ‘Borderlands” and ‘Kingdom Hearts’.

He stated this trigger a few hours before and unfortunately the mod, after a sleepless night, was unable to memorise it during that time so ‘Abd’ took advantage of it.

Another mod quickly drew attention to her mistake and of course she apologised to the person she triggered and was forgiven.)

Unfortunately many screenshots - involving the sexual advances and the 'making fun of transgenders' are missing due to the default ban option of the server, but several eye witnesses were able to confirm them.

There was a person pretending to be a transwoman to make fun of transpeople (The person was introducing themselves like: ‘Hello, I am a man, my pronouns are he/him, but I wish to be a woman’ It didn’t sound very genuine to the trans people on the server), people making up all sorts of triggers to make fun of people who have triggers, a person pretending to be a kin, and people, who were trying to spread paedophilic messages with spreading the news that ‘age is just a number’.

And in case people still believe it was an accident:

They deliberately threaten people and plan to hurt them, while making fun of their triggers.

I’m truly lost for words…

For everyone who didn’t know: It is not your place to judge triggers and for the love of God, please don’t make fun of them.

You don’t know the history behind them. It’s good if you have none yourself, it really is, but it shouldn’t make you blind to another person’s suffering.

And you certainly shouldn’t encourage other people to “hunt” people with triggers “down” and “go to war” against them.

Also the owner of server is openly hostility against lgbtq + people - especially trans people - , PoC and antisemitic jokes are the norm there.

They too use nationalist-socialist symbols as emojis in their servers, so people who are triggered by such symbols should be careful.

“Jew Alert”

Blaming one group for the action of singular people should us remind too much of darker parts in history.

I know people with the same experience, that doesnt mean they should actively seek out ot destroy the mental health of all trans people, because one of them hurt them.

Let the submitted texts speak for themselves.

And just in case if anybody believes those are fake:

As soon as Satan saw them, he pmed another person:

Those screenshots are real. They are not fake, like he claims they are and he admits that making fun of trigger and trans people was part of his “troll introductions”.

And just in case anybody is wondering if there are truly toxic trolls on this server? This is a submission I got:

When the original is:

Im sorry.

What they did should speak for itself, but don't try to add lies here. Lies that are obviously having their origin in the server itself.

If you still believe the attacks on this blog didn't come from the server:

This is what Artillery posted as soon as he found this post.

After this the attacks started [as you can see here], so don't tell me your server is not responsible and keep your NSFW implications out of a server with minors and away from this blog!

Also you being an immigrant has nothing to do with the fact, that your server is not safe for minors, lgtbq+ people - especially transpeople - people with trauma and poc.

Even if you claims are real - your and your friends prejudices against the other groups remain.

Satan apologised openly and promised to take better care of people mental health.

The emojis however will remain, though we have been told they have specific channels for offensive jokes.

“In our discussions with the tumblr group, we realized that the situation was far more complicated than we realized. There is a a third party, not associated with us or the tumblr group, who is deliberately spreading false information with the presumed agenda of causing drama and conflict between us. With this in mind, we've agreed the best course of action is to mutually end the escalation of conflict and apologize for what occured. Following that, I want to again make clear that nobody should be going after the tumblr group, their discord server, or anywhere other online spaces. We don't know where the tumblr trolls came from, but we do not support them. Their statements were racist, antisemitic, and violent. What we did in their server was wrong and a mistake. 

I want to personally apologize to a few specific people for what happened. Their server got raided, and during all of it we did not take their mental health into account, causing a lot of people to have panic attacks. Their triggers were invalidated, and people were manipulated. There were also a lot of innapropriate and offensive statements involved. While many things happened without my knowledge, it spiraled out of control because of the initial server raid, and I want to offer my sincerest apologies for that, and for everything else.”

Update:

He lied. He doesn’t regret anything.

Do you remember how he claimed he never ordered an attack on anybody?

Yes.... that was a lie.

He did plan to attack, though one member - the one they would later throw out of the admin team stopped him from attacking more people.

It should have given us red flags they would ban the only member from the team who was actively against the bullying.

And as we see here they did attack the second time as soon as the opportunity arouse when Artillery were sending people after us after saying we should suck his d*.

So he didnt learn a thing. Please survivors stay save.

[sluttbuttsstuff]

Silver Chariot Agency: An Introduction

This is the first chapter/prologue to my jjba sugar daddy au.  To clarify, it’s modern day, with reader x various Jojo characters, all of which are of age, and “sugar daddies”.  I’m hoping to have several options/outcomes for various characters, kind of like a chose you own adventure story, or a dating visual novel.  As a note, this story may contain some dark themes and content, including drug use, yandere, sex scenes, and other things I haven’t currently planned out.

TLDR: this is the story about Y/N, who starts working at Polnareff’s sugar daddy agency and meets lots of hot jojo guys

ENJOY!!!

“Mr. Polnareff is ready to see you now!”  The cheerful secretary (Suzy, you think)  calls out, breaking you from your stupor and ushering you behind large, intimidating doors.   You grew up with dreams bigger than this, having a good career, doing something important with your life, but life had other plans.  You’ve been unemployed for nearly a year, and despite all the classes you’ve taken, interviews you’ve aced, and concessions to pay and pride just to be considered, you still had no job, and your unemployment had finally run out.  Long story short, you were desperate.  That’s when you first heard about the Agency.

You had noticed an email from the Silver Chariot Agency buried between job applications and rejection letters, and confusing it for a job offer, had opened it to read.  According to the email, you had been “scouted” as someone with the qualifications to apply for what appeared to be a Sugar Daddy, or Escort, service.    The email was polite, open and honest, but you couldn’t help but be a bit skeptical, if not mildly offended. There’s nothing wrong with sex work, mind you, but it wasn’t something you had any interest in if you could avoid it. You weren’t interested in selling yourself, and even if you weren’t wealthy, you weren’t ready to auction off your time to creepy old perverts just yet.  Not to mention, how safe were these agencies?  Still, the email had an open doors policy for any questions, as well as a phone number and email to direct all your questions.  You were going to delete the email, but somehow you couldn’t bring yourself to.  You saved it in your folder, and forgot about it for a few months.

Cut to today:  you couldn’t cover your rent, your auto bill, and your credit cards were maxed out.  After sending an email, and talking on the phone to a cheerful woman, she convinced you to visit their offices and talk to their C.E.O,  who was visiting your nearest location on business.  Surprised by their openness, and relieved not to have a door slammed in your face for once, you made an appointment and were now following Suzy through an impressive office space.  Silver Chariot had its own expensive looking building, with high ceilings, metal tones and spotlessly clean wall to wall windows and mirrors.  The place reeked of elegance, intimidatingly so, and you regretted your outfit choice for this interview.  

Suzy finally escorted you into a conference room, with an expansive metal table and tufted leather chairs that probably cost more than your car.  Then, at the end of the conference table, you saw a silver haired gentleman, who Suzy introduced as, “Mr. Polnareff, this is y/n, call me if you need anything!”  and with that, she left and closed the door.  You noticed  Mr.Polnareff didn’t stand up to greet you and shake your hand-not out of rudeness, but because he was in a wheelchair.  On top of that, he had an unusual looking eye patch, and despite clearly being too young to be considered elderly, had prematurely grey hair slicked back in an unusual pompadour.

He shook your hand firmly, and smiled at you as he greeted you, “It’s so lovely to meet you, y/n, I've been looking forward to seeing you in person.  Tell me, what brings you here today?”  He asked, sitting forward and listening intently.  You fiddled with your hands, trying to politely, but vaguely, explain your situation, without sounding too much like a sob story.  Polnareff listened without interrupting, merely nodding, as you explained what you’ve been through.

  “That sounds like a difficult situation- it is difficult in this day and age for young people to support themselves, even more so when they have no one to help them when needed.  I, myself, had to support not only myself, but my younger sister, Cherie, when I was your age.  It was difficult, to say the least, and I didn’t always handle it gracefully to be honest with you.  When my sister saw how much we were struggling, she decided to try helping herself and me by turning to sex work.”

You were shocked by his openness, telling so much of his personal story to a total stranger interviewing at his agency.  He continued,

“Back in my day, the streets of France were not a safe place to sex workers, least of all vulnerable women unable to defend themselves.  It was one of those nights, while my sister was working, that she was tragically attacked and killed.  She had no way of protecting herself, as I wasn’t with her, and the police were just as dangerous.  She died alone because no one was willing to help save her, myself included.  He paused, rubbing his temples as he remembered.

You tried to stop him, “Um, you don’t have to-”  you began, but he held up a hand and assured you,

 “I am fine, it is a painful, but old wound, and important you hear.  It was the most devastating event of my life, but it shaped me into the man I am today.  You see, because of what happened to my sister, I was determined to provide a safe place to any and all women and sex workers, no questions asked, to protect them from things that could happen to them.  Sex work is not something to be criminalized or judged; it is the oldest profession and a valuable work. So, The Silver Chariot Agency provides a safe way to support those in the industry.  That being said, working as an escort, or as it's sometimes called, ‘sugar baby’-”

 he punctuates the term with bunny ear fingers, “-Can be dangerous work.  There is always a risk of assault, and rape, however hard we may try to combat it, but our agency has extremely strict policies and protection plans to protect our workers in either case. I promise , should you decide to work here, that I will do everything in my power to keep you safe.”  Polnareff grabs your hand, looking into your eyes, intensely.  

You know you’ve just met him, but you’re inclined to believe Polnareff.  He’s either an excellent liar, or simply cares deeply about his company and employees.  

“There are, of course, other things to consider before you decide to take this job.  It is  a job, and many of our clients aren’t looking for romance, but some are hoping to find love and a potential romantic partner via our agency.  Some are looking for purely sexual relationships, and some want nothing to do with sex.  Some of our clients are involved with...less than legal hobbies and activities, and we strongly caution you not to get involved, as our legal department and contracts can only protect you so far.  If you decide to engage, do so with caution. 

“ Lastly, you ultimately get to decide who you want to pick as your clients, so choose wisely.  I have Suzy-”  He gestures to the woman, presumably waiting down the hall to escort you when ready, “Write up summaries and information on every applicant who have expressed an interest in our agency.  Make sure to carefully review them, and choose the client you think will have the best relationship.”  He finishes, giving you a lot to think of.  He can see the gears turn in your mind, and gives you time.  “Please, don’t feel like you have to respond today. Or, if you try this out and don’t like it, you can leave the agency or specific clients, with no fear of repercussions.”  He Pulls away from the table, and turns towards the door, before pausing.

He seems to change his mind, shaking his head as Suzy gets the door for him.

“I look forward to seeing you again, regardless of your decision, mon amie.  I’ll let Suzy handle the rest for today, thank you.  If you decide to accept, just call Suzy and ask her to see some client applications to pick out who you’d like to work with. Au revoir.”  And with that, Mr. Polnareff disappears with surprising speed.  Any other questions and details are handled by Suzy, who cheerfully tells you about the position, average salaries, tax information, and your typical FAQ.  You listen mutely, occasionally nodding along,  but you’re still thinking about everything Polnareff told you.  You could not only support yourself with this  job, but make a killing, while still being safe and having a say in the relationships.  This could work. This could work…

Less than 24 hours later, Suzy gets another phone call at the office.  “Silver Chariot Agency, this is Suzy, how may I assist you today?”  She asks cheerily.  A familiar voice whispers on the other end, “Do you think I could see some of those client Applications, please?”

[olderthannetfic]

Ah, I do see your points, anon. I'm not going to post all your asks publicly because if you really feel that unsafe, it's probably best not to have a bigass chunk of your text for people to analyze and try to guess your identity from. I think one of the best points you made is about how close to home it hits when the non-fave is not only your fave but is similar to you in some way like demographic. You're not wrong for having those emotions. I do wonder if they make it hard to see how some other people feel similarly embattled on other axes.

TBH, I think one of the big problems here is that the large aggregate patterns you're talking about are racist, but most individual fics and fans are not really the problem. It's hard to know how to talk about this or who to tell to "fix" it when we're looking at free, hobbyist art.

A lot of people's tastes are certainly formed by shitty society, but once they're formed, they don't change fast if at all. Asking someone to rewrite their libido is a big ask, yet tumblr does it all the time as though it's as simple as snapping your fingers.

This leaves me with the sense that a lot of tumblr is... like... the political lesbians of porn fic or something: desire is not real, only choosing based on logic and politics. Or maybe people are so asexual that they just don't understand the lizard brain's "YES!" at some porn things and complete indifference to others?

I don't think it's great if great swaths of people feel like bottom!Nicky is super hot and top!Nicky fundamentally isn't, but I also don't think they can necessarily just turn it off like flipping a switch.

(If someone reading this doesn't like their current tastes and wants to attempt to alter them, I do think it's possible. What you should do is line up a large slate of media that prominently features characters of the ethnicity or whatever that you don't find hot/interesting. These should be leads whose emotional development drives the plot and is supposed to be central to the audience's enjoyment of the media. Watch/read/etc. this media all the time. All. The. Time. Try out many pieces because you won't like every character or every show, and we're looking for genuine enjoyment, not the fandom equivalent of a pity fuck. Spend enough time on this, and your unconscious sense of who's hot and interesting will eventually shift somewhat. This is a project you should expect to take a few years.)

But I digress.

The one tweet thing is a very toxic pattern. If TOG fandom is doing that, guys, please try to be more conscious of holding the actors of color to a higher standard (or the women or whomever). I know this often comes from a place of paying more attention to our own and wanting to set a good standard, but the effect is that minorities can't fuck up ever while white dudes get infinite passes.

Okay, on to the fic thing... Gotta say, my instant reaction to that description is "Ooh!"--as it would be for the same scenario with the characters reversed. (Ships who start out trying to kill each other are my favorite! x1000 if they're resurrecting style immortals and they literally do.) I can see how it would feel like slamming into a brick wall if you aren't kinky in just the right way and you didn't know it was coming though.

Part of why I react so strongly to a lot of discourse that runs along these lines is that I am a naturally extremely kinky person. It's not so much about what I do (which as a deeply lazy person in a long distance relationship is essentially nothing), but it's absolutely how I'm wired.

And I can tell you that my quotidian experience in fandom is sharing something I don't even realize is a big deal only to have someone I like, respect, and trust react in horror and tell me that it's triggering and awful and should not be allowed in fandom spaces because it makes "people" unsafe. It's such an instant, kneejerk reaction they don't even realize I was sharing it because it spoke to the very core of me. Lesson learned, friend. Lesson learned.

That sounds a bit off topic, I know, but bear with me: The point of that anecdote is that it's pretty common for me to get people trying to raise my awareness of things I have already thought deeply about while denying my essential humanity and not even realizing. As a kinky person who likes to make my fave the top (and generally a conflicted sadist), this constant request to explain and justify is exhausting.

I doubt most of the top!Joe fans have this precise problem simply because people who make their fave the top are much less common in fandom than people who make their fave the bottom, but I see a similar pattern with fans who are just fundamentally wired for rape fantasies (one of the most common fantasies that exists) vs. fans who just don't get rape fantasies at all. Or substitute your BDSM/kinky/messed up fantasy trope of choice. Covertly radical feminist attitudes towards kink and power are on the rise in fandom, and as a naturally kinky person, boy do I notice it!

I know that it feels like crucial activism to share these insights about why the ratio of top!Joe is hurtful, and the pain you feel is real. But it's also the case that it's a big ask to want people to listen. (Not me. Obviously, I routinely choose to engage with discourse. I mean overall.) The reason for that is that you're only seeing a fraction of what they do or who they are, and you don't know how many previous people they've listened to how many previous times. It's a very different situation from someone whose job is making some major TV series or movie or something. That person does, in my opinion, owe you some amount of listening.

Now, I'm not saying no top Joe fan was ever a jerk. I'll bet they were. There's a tendency to be rude and to publicly air your schadenfreude when you feel like everyone has been yelling at you. What I am saying is that a lot of the problem here boils down to conflicting needs, and that means there isn't a good solution. It's a situation where people are genuinely hurt, but I don't necessarily agree that other people have harmed them.

I like that you did an actual count of the explicit fics, btw. It's good to look at the real numbers. I see too little of that in these situations. My off the cuff reaction is that 2/3 to 1/3 is not a bad ratio at all compared to many fandoms, but yeah, it definitely shows a strong trend, and that can be painful. (I have a fandom where I think there's maybe like 1 bottom so-and-so fic in the entire zine era fandom. One. It's pretty extreme.)

I guess my thinking here overall is: What is the practical solution? What are we hoping to gain? What is reasonable to ask of people?

And it can't be "Well, if they would just listen..." That's just a sneaky way of saying "If you haven't done it my way, it's because you haven't listened to me yet."

So the question I would ask of people is this:

What does a non-racist fic where Joe tops look like?

What does a non-racist sex pollen, dubcon, or even noncon fic where Joe tops look like?

And if you say the latter is impossible... well... sadists exist everywhere in the world. So do doms. So do people who prefer to top in a purely physical sense. People with rape fantasies where they're the rapist exist (people who are not actually rapists, I mean). None of this is restricted to any one group. We can't categorically say fic like that about Joe is coming from a place of racism without denying the fundamental humanity of kinky MENA people who'd want to make Joe like themselves or like their ideal partner. (Yes, I agree this won't be the majority of fic writers writing top!Joe, but this is a place to start for figuring out what the better version would look like.)

IDK, maybe you're that kinkster yourself, but your asks gave me the vibe that you don't really get the drive towards those darker kinds of fics and what might be motivating it besides stereotypes and shittiness.

If we can answer these kinds of questions, we can better critique the way people write what they write without telling them all of their taste is bad and they should just stop writing. Even if we think the latter is true, it isn't going to get us anywhere. Figuring out how to make Joe more multidimensional in the fic they already want to write or finding very specific wording that should be avoided might actually work.

Beyond that, the actions I think are productive would be running prompt fests, exchanges, or other events for bottom!Joe or for top!Joe where he's the main character and the fics are required to be from his POV. Themed collections and recs lists are great. (I've seen a bit of this going around in TOG fandom in the past, and that's an excellent approach! Keep it up!) Positive actions tend to work better here. Make more of what you want. Promote what you want to see.

I don't mean this in some fluffy magical thinking way: you aren't going to change that ratio radically just by the power of positivity. But I've seen this kind of thing play out in many, many fandoms, and going after the people who write what you don't like, even in a well-intentioned effort to educate and even in a polite, kind way doesn't do much. A few people feel guilty. A few feel defensive. A lot ignore you. The overall fic doesn't change. It's not a good use of your limited time and energy.

I'm off to look up that fic to see what I think of it in practice, but I'm going to post this before tumblr manages to eat it.

[watevermelon]

Jealous | Eita Semi x Reader

✧ Summary: You thought you were content with your relationship so far - Semi was your best friend and these past few years were some of the most memorable. But all of that quickly changes with some outside forces. ➳ Tags: Angst with a happy ending; some humor

Navigation

—xXxXxXxXxXx—

Four years ago, it would have been a strange sight to see you, an up-and-rising wing-spiker, sitting on the sideline of the Shiratorizawa volleyball team. Being the female team’s manager was nice, but just as ambiguous as the adjective. You sorely ached to be back as an active member on the court and you seemed to radiate that very thought throughout the schoolyear.

At the end of your first-year you were switched from official wing-spiker to sub-pinch server. That was a huge demotion in your eyes, but a position you would gladly accept now. You knees were deteriorating from overuse and it was only facilitated at the Spring Tournament during your first-year. A bad-land from a spike and you tore your ACL. From that injury, there was no going back. That took you off the regular team for the rest of the year, since your doctor recommended six-months of healing.

Torn ACL’s do not heal and you did not want to undergo surgery, since it would only prolong your time away from the court. That decision was terrible in itself, but you reasoned that your volleyball career would end after high-school. So the long-term implications did not affect your future in sports since you did not envision one.

But your career ended sooner than you thought.

You did not seek the advice of the athletic trainer or even your coach and attempted to do the same work-outs as the rest of the team. And for a good amount of time, they bought your act. It seemed you were a miraculous healer, despite the urgings of both your parents and physicians. Dates set aside for physical therapy were skipped and you opted to make yourself useful to the team.

But you were doing just the opposite.

The women of Shiratorizawa’s volleyball team had their eyes set on nationals and it seemed that you were on the right track. The team earned their spot in the finals of the Interhigh Tournament, garnering attention against Niiyama High. You were set to serve, aiming directly for the serious face of Amanai Kanoka. Mid-stride, something did not feel right and you landed, not on your feet, but on your front-side.

You looked up from your prone form on the ground to see the horrified faces of your teammates and opponents. The usually loud section of Shiratorizawa’s student body was stunned silent and everyone’s eyes were fixated on your figure. First aid was able to hoist your motionless body onto a stretcher and time seemed to momentarily stop. You could still distinctly recall the perturbed faces of your friends and family. In that very instant, you felt your heart crack and silently whispered goodbye to your beloved sport.

Your torn ACL developed into a long-lasting chronic deficiency and you were slowly losing control in knee movement.

Pity. 

That was the only word to describe the certain expression other people gave you after the fact. Volleyball held a large amount of prominence on campus and the fact that nearly everyone saw your fall – it was humiliating. You were taken completely off the team and instead ushered into surgery and rehabilitation for your knee.

Many of your teammates attempted to show compassion and understanding for your situation, but they would never truly understand. You had accepted, deep in your heart, that even if you had undergone surgery early your knee would continually depreciate. It was only a matter of time.

The coach could understand your reasoning, but cursed your insolence. It hurt her that you desperately wanted to help the team, to the point of sacrificing your future. If she had known, she would have taken you off the starting-line in an instant. But there was no second chance, no benefit in asking what if’s.

The previous manager of the women’s team was leaving with graduation and you inherited her spot. On more than one occasion, you wondered if staying on as manager would really help you emotionally. It was your own personal hell, watching your previous teammates engage in volleyball and never getting the chance to join.

Graduation liberated many of your friends and majority of the people who observed your deterioration first-hand were gone. New volleyball teams were forming and you missed most of their names. Without the use of it on the court, it was harder to connect and really converse with the fresh first-years. You knew the names of the promising few – Goshiki Tsutomu was a hard one to miss. There were also two exemplary female wing-spikers, but Shiratorizawa’s team ran both deep and wide.

With all this distance, you would often miss much of the drama from those outside your year. Many of the other volleyball players made an effort not to bar you and updated you daily on news. Tendou was the number one instigator and you would often hear a warped version of the gossip from him first.

None of the male players were in the same class, ironically. There was one in each class and you shared yours with Eita Semi for the past three years. You were the closest to the mom of the group and he would usually clarify new gossip to you.

The groupchat shared amongst both the men’s and women’s volleyball team usually went ignored in your pocket. Once in a while, you would contribute a dank meme or comment. But for now, you tended to silently witness the drama unfold. Amongst the newly minted third-years was a groupchat just for you guys, both the girls and boys teams, which was the one you and Tendou seemed to haunt. 

As such, you were texting away in the middle of class. You sat with Semi, who was diligently writing notes and following along with the teacher. Neither had yet to see you, but no matter who it was, they would pluck the phone right out of your hands.

GC: We’re the captains now. <(￣︶￣)>

12:43    From:s u f f e r i n g  (。□°）              I’m just saying, we can fight him.

12:43    From: Ushiwaka-sama              I would prefer to leave the setter intact

12:43    From: Guess Monster（▼へ▼メ）              Are we ignoring the problem of Goshiki????

12:43     From: Captain-Sama!               He’s a wing-spiker not a middle-blocker. You don’t have to worry about your spot

12:43     From: Guess Monster（▼へ▼メ）               ExCuSe youuuuuuuuuuu

12:44     From: Guess Monster（▼へ▼メ)               I wouldn’t be afraid even if he was

It was severely clear to all volleyball members that your spot as a regular was never safe (unless of course your name started with a U and ended with -shiwaka.)

The coaches of either team were relentless in their words and would drop a team member if they showed enough weakness. And you would not be surprised even in the slightest if the essential vice-captain of the men’s team was benched for the newfound first-year. The anomaly of Goshiki Tsutomu could be found in the fact that he seemed to be the complete foil of his older teammates. Despite this, he showed the most promise and you almost wanted to bet money that he would be a regular by the Spring High Tournament.

12:44    From: Ushiwaka-sama               Your numerable amount of question marks show your lie.

12:44     From: Guess Monster（▼へ▼メ）               Why don’t you shut the fuck up

12:44     From: Ushiwaka-sama               But I didn’t say anything

12:45    From: Captain-Sama!              LMAO but seriously Soekawa has nothing to worry about

12:45     From: s u f f e r i n g  (。□°）               Even if he does I think we can take the coconut-head.

12:45    From: Guess Monster（▼へ▼メ）               O mi god good one (f/n) I’m about to set his nickname as that

12:46    From: Okaasan/Eita              Why don’t you take your own advice and stfu salami

12:46    From: Captain-Sama                 S C R E A M I N G

Okaasan/Eita has changed “Guess Monster (▼へ▼メ)” ‘s nickname to, “the most tender Salami”.

12:46    From: s u f f e r i n g  (。□° )               I can’t breathe

12:47     From: Ushiwaka-sama               Lol

True to your word, you were laughing with almost no control while Semi was trying not to have his smile break his stern façade. You covered your mouth to stifle the giggles and the fact that the literal volleyball idiot wrote “Lol” you had no doubt he was laughing as well a few classrooms over.

Those in your immediate vicinity subtly turned to look at you and you had to pretend to bend-down to pick up a pencil to hide your laughter. You thanked Semi for the umpteenth time for grabbing these seats in the back that were far from the teacher’s reproach.

Once you were settled, Semi commented, “The aim of my remark was to calm you all down.”

It was hard to focus in class usually, but after a morning like that you were done. English was your forte and you had no problems with the subject, even in an advanced class focused on the western world’s literature. The Great Gatsby was your shit.

13:34    From: Captain-Sama               I have detention now Eita. I hope youre happy

13:34    From: Okaasan/Eita              What did I do????

13:34    From: Captain-Sama              I literally started screaming at the name

13:34    the most tender Salami              At least someone else is suffering too

13:34    the most tender Salami              My ass is getting blasted on the shared gc help

13:35    From: s u f f e r i n g  (。□° )              Hey remember that time you locked me in the men’s locker room

13:35    From: s u f f e r i n g  (。□° )              Karma beyotch

13:35     From: the most tender Salami               LMAo thanks for that reminder ugh that was the funniest day I almost feel better

You frowned at your phone and Semi noticed your reaction, “That’s your fault. You brought it up.”

The two of you were done with class for the rest of the day and were casually lounging around his dorm room. His roommate, Reon Ōhira, was in class 4 and had a different schedule from the two of you.

You were laid-out across his bed, backpack carelessly thrown on the floor against his desk. Semi was previously occupied with whatever he does on his laptop, but now he was catching-up with the groupchat. This was incredibly normal and it was almost second-nature for you to lounge in his room. Your roommate, the captain of the women’s team, often noted this with certain intentions.

It was no secret that you and Semi were something.

You flirted nonchalantly and he had an overall friendly personality — it seemed entirely natural. Your relationship had blurred lines and no clear mutual understanding. The two of you could hold hands and he could get away with the occasional kiss on your cheek. And if anyone asked if you were in a relationship, you would say no. Semi would do the same.

There was one occasion during your second-year that pushed Semi’s buttons to the point where he made your relationship known. You could count the amount of female third-years on your hand and still have fingers to spare. This, in Tendou’s eyes, left barely any possible suitors that he would seriously be interested in. And of all people, the eyes of the guess monster settled on you.

Tendou was a somewhat of a Kuudere, in your words. He was not cold, but incredibly blunt and cared on the inside. He had the type of attitude that would not seem to care if their crush noticed them. Instead, he took it a step further, to compliment said crush to other people and claim not to like them. And because he was so damn loud and incredibly obvious, the other male volleyball players seemed to notice and their gazes would casually linger on you.

You would dismiss their sudden interest as only aesthetic-deep and not take any other crushes seriously, especially Tendou. His crush bounced from girl to girl and this was a well-known fact, simply because he could admire a good looking person and not get emotionally attached. However, this was easier when the girl was in his class and not as immediate as on the volleyball team.

Tendou would highlight the specific beauty of your smile or hair casually and the other third-years would calmly agree. Semi could see it all. He was in a private groupchat with those boys and you were the topic of their conversation more than once. He would see the friendly pat on the head from Reon as he complimented your cross-spike. Or how you would converse with Ushijima and his eyes would loiter even after you walked away. Or how you would smile brightly at Yunohama’s jokes.

Tendou and Ushijima’s shared dorm was secretly party central, the later surprisingly okay with socializing on a daily basis. But you normally hung-out with Semi, in his room. And recently you had been getting more and more invitations to their room. He was hella annoyed and would often drag you right after class to chill with him instead.

This did not change the fact that Tendou was aggressive and this led to the day of Semi’s snapping. Tendou was waiting outside of your classroom and once he spotted you, he stepped right between you and Semi to sling a lazy arm across your shoulders.

“Finally we are graced with Friday. No homework to worry about for tomorrow and even better, it’s a rest day for volleyball!” Tendou was narrating the day as the three of you walked, Semi pushed all the way to the side. “Shall we let go of our inhibitions to celebrate this rare occasion?”

You lightly attempted to push off his hold on you, but he did not budge. “Sorry Tendou, not exactly in the mood to go off campus tonight.”

“That’s perfectly alright with me,” He deflected the rejection, “Waka is leaving tomorrow morning so we can chill in the dorm.” Certain ideas were undoubtedly forming in the minds of two growing teenage boys and Semi did not hide his disapproval. Instead, he sighed loudly and had the urge to grab you right out of Tendou’s grasp.

“What do you plan on doing with just me tonight, Tendou?” You teased.

He only laughed and ignored your question, “So how about it?"

“I prefer to get my homework done before the weekend, so that’s what I’ll be preoccupied with tonight.” You answered and Semi smirked at your response.

He bristled at your retort and kept pushing, “Well. I know you like that cheesecake place downtown—”

“Can’t you take a hint, Tendou?” Semi asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Sorry, but once I lay my eyes on a beautiful girl there’s no way I’ll let her go.” Tendou affirmed and tightened his hold on your shoulders.

You blushed at his confidence, “Ha. Well, determination is a dangerous thing.” Semi noted your flushed appearance and the fact that you had not pulled away from his hold.

No way, not on his watch.

Your flustered looks and affectionate embraces were meant for him and him alone.

Was Tendou’s unwavering resolve really getting to you? The red-head would constantly shower you with compliments and it was only a matter of time that it would infiltrate your brain. Meanwhile, he would offer you vague responses and a sparse amount of sentiments.

With his mind made-up, Semi grabbed you right out of Tendou’s filthy arms and into his own. “Sorry. But she’ll be busy with me.” You were nestled underneath his neck and his arm was wrapped lightly around your waist.

The message he was sending was clear and if it was not, Semi sure as hell would be ready to provide more.

Instead of being heart-broken or defensive, Tendou immediately turned the situation around, “Busy doing what?” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“Staying the hell away from you.” Semi sassily replied and attempted to walk away with you in his grasp.

Tendou took the message in stride and went further to ship the two of you together for the rest of the schoolyear. The others must have received the message and they laid off from their previous flirting. Well, most of them. The only person unaffected by Semi’s wrath was the great volleyball idiot himself. But it was generally understood that he never really knew the implications of his actions.

Since then, there was no real progression in your public and private relationship with Semi. You hit every milestone with stride: prolonged hugs, kisses on the cheek, and even a sleepover when your roommate was away with her boyfriend. You were happy with how things were now and you feared if you talked about it, it would end. With no real reason to address the subject, the two of you continued with your relationship. He was there when you were sad and you surely did the same for him.

The second-year of high-school was your turning point. Your first-year friendship could be described as average, simply two members of the same game. Classmates and admirers of volleyball, you were cordial for ordinary reasons. After your injury, it was hard to personally connect with anyone.

But Semi could do what the others could not. Your second-year came with the introduction of Kenjirō Shirabu. He was a salty little douche and before the Spring High Tournament he was the official setter for the men’s volleyball team. The teammates that Semi had fostered and grown with since middle school were suddenly dragged away from him. And there was nothing he could do. His best was suddenly not good enough and he fell short to a first-year.

You connected on a level that the others could not understand. Being cut from a team was like being abandoned, but it was no one’s fault but your own. And that fact hurt more than anything. Try as you might, there was nothing either of you could really do to regain your prominence.

You found comfort in one another and it was highly noted by the other team members.

“What’s with the face?” Semi asked, noting your saddened facial expressions.

You paused and then sat-up, “We’re graduating this year.”

“Just because we’re leaving this school, doesn’t mean we’ll stop being friends.” Semi comforted. Friends… That word would continue to haunt you. You were friends, incredibly close with few secrets between the two of you. Your relationship was once in a lifetime and soon there would be more than emotional barriers separating you two.

It was not until the autumn formal that you recognized first-hand the complications of desire.

Someone asked Semi to the formal. And it had not been you. But he still said yes.

You heard this secondhand from Reon, a week after the girl had initially asked. Did he hesitate? Did he even think of you? Did he… have feelings for the girl?

She was someone unrecognizable from Ushijima’s class and you had spotted her after having lunch with just the ace. Social Media was a big thing and of course Shiratorizawa Academy had a team-spirit page that highlighted all sorts of shit. And of course, there were the posts about who was going with who to the formal. ((promposals cough))

You were unsure if you had ever seen her before. But after noticing her, you seemed to see her everywhere. She was beautiful in every way you were not – incredibly feminine and keeping up with her appearance. Flowing blonde hair that went past her elbows and she seemed to always sport a dress. Semi was not distant in any way and it seemed like he was never going to bring it up with you unless you took the initiative.

You asked once or twice about the girl and he waved off that she was very pretty and very determined. She seemed to exceedingly fancy him and would not take no for an answer. And he had no real reason to say no. No real reason. Your heart ached at his simple words. If you were no “real reason,” then you sure were not going to continue this way.

There was a month until the formal and that meant an entire month with having this loom over your head. Semi never indicated he wanted more than friendship and it seemed that was not enough for him. So you pulled away. This was hard since you sat together, but it was definitely different than usual.

You would brush off his invitations to hang-out, which was increasingly hard since you literally spent every waking day together. It hurt you, but it was a good wake-up call. If he did not think more of you, then it was about time you lessened this heavy dependence you had on him. It was an eventual problem that he would find a significant other, but now it was finally before you. You were no masochist and distanced yourself from the constant sorrow. On one occasion, you replied, “Why don’t you hang-out with your date instead?” It was petty and low, but true. You were being replaced. Why would he hang-out with you if he’s got another female on his line?

You addressed this with Reon, but he defended Semi saying that the two were only friends. Semi agreed on a whim, with no real intention of dating the girl or progressing as far as he had with you. But you denied this and stopped talking about it with the two altogether.

You were gleaning out the window, ignoring your lunch and sitting with the guess monster and his ace. “Stop frowning, (F/N)-chan. If it bothers you that much just talk to him.”

“Why should I even bother? He already made up his mind.” You pushed your already minute lunch away.

“Wow, giving up already?” Tendou mocked.

“It’s been three years. If he wanted to do something he would have.”

“You’re wrong, (F/N)-chan.” Salami countered, “Semi has already done something. He told me off, that’s for sure.”

“That was so long ago.”

“What have you done?” Ushijima interjected.

“I’ve never accepted any other man’s affection - not dates, chocolates, late-night talks.” You outwardly groaned and nearly slammed your head on the desk, “I’m about to graduate high-school and I’ve never been kissed.”

Even Tendou laughed at this fact, “Wow, (F/N)! I’d be willing to volunteer.”

You lifted your head to glare at him, “That is unnecessary.” Ushijima stated. “You have proven a great loyalty, it seems.”

“Great.” You mocked, voice dripping with sarcasm, “And this worked out so well for me.”

“It is a rare quality, one that I surely admire you for having.” You sat-up completely, back straight from surprise and eyes glued to the auburn-haired ace that continued eating like his words meant nothing. Even Tendou paused from his causal demeanor to narrow his eyes at Ushijima.

A grin reappeared on his face, one that surely spelt trouble, and he proposed, “Why don’t you two go to the formal together?”

You both paused and shared momentary eye-contact. His eyes appeared mostly impassive, but you had spent enough time with him to notice his questioning gaze. His left eyebrow was slightly upturned and you tilted your head in question.

“I cannot see an immediate reason not to.”

“Me neither."

“Then it’s settled!” Tendou got up to stand by the middle of the table, flippantly placing his hands on both of your shoulders, “Let’s send a post to the Shiratorizawa page so it’s official. Ah so cute, Waka and (F/N) at the dance together!”

Ushijima commented that was extremely superfluous, why should anyone care/know? You reasoned the same way, but Tendou claimed that it was not official until it was on the social media page. You both shrugged and prepared to pose for a picture over lunch.

“No, no. This looks totally lame.” He ended up dragging the both of you outside, in the middle of the quad during common hour. Tons of students were walking by and watched as Tendou modeled the two of you.

He settled on putting Ushijima’s hand on your waist and angled your front facing the ace. Your head was turned back towards the camera and you had a hand on his chest. This position was entirely intimate and even the dense Ushijima commented this, but Tendou waved it off. You wondered what crazy things Tendou could get his roommate to do.

Tendou was having a blast, taking multiple pictures from different angles on his phone. You wondered: how good could it possibly look? You were sporting your Shiratorizawa uniform and Ushijima was in his usual track-suit. You could hear the whispering and it seemed that posting the picture would be redundant, almost everyone saw the two of you posing like this!

The three of you returned back to your lunch table and upon sitting down, you received a brand new notification.

[Instabook] Slide to unlock and see new tagged post

Looks like the two most elusive volleyball bachelor/ette’s have snagged each other! Be sure to check-out this cute couple at the fall formal! Tagged: Ushijima Wakatoshi and (F/N)(L/N)

Attached: 1.jpg, 2.jpg, 3.jpg, 4.jpg

“Was it really necessary to send in all those pictures, Tendou?” You asked.

“They tell us to send multiple and they’ll pick the best one! Whoever the account owner is, they are the ones who decided on showing all of those!”

“But four?”

“I sent in ten. And four is the max they can post, so they must really like you guys.” Tendou teased. Almost instantly, you were getting more and more notifications.

People you had never met before were liking the post and it was embarrassing at how much attention this was garnering! You weren’t even dating! Your phone was constantly vibrating from Instabook and you muted the app entirely – you’d return to it later at the end of the day. Sadly, the volleyball team was quick to react too.

GC: Caw Caw SHIRATORIZAWA ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨

14:57    From: Captain-Sama!              um wtf is this Attached: THEpost.jpg, receipts.jpg, wtf.jpg

14:57    From: Not-my-libero-Yamagata ( ´ ▽ ` )              Not the otp but I still ship it

14:57    From: Coconut-head              Senpai’s gf is so cute (๑꒪▿꒪)*

14:57    From: the most tender Salami              You can thank me

14:57    From: Captain-Sama!              y tf would I do that

14:57    From: the most tender Salami              I got the ship sailing

14:57    From: the most tender Salami              And got usiwaka to ask (f/n)-chan

14:58    From: Kawanishi ✩꒳✩              And u stil cant get urself a date??

14:58    From: the most tender Salami              I’m going to ignore that and show off this CUTE COUPLE Attached: lunchdate.jpg, imthechaperone.jpg

Tendou was showcasing photos he literally took then and there, of you and Ushijima conversing over lunch. It could be viewed entirely as innocent, but after the previous posts it seemed to imply something. Tendou noticed that Semi had seen the chat already, but had yet to respond.

14:58    From: Captain-sama!              Are they dating???????????????

14:59    From: the most tender Salami              Nah, but theyre too busy to respond to the chat ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

14:59    From: Kawanishi ✩꒳✩             OH SHIT

14:59    From: Not-my-libero-Yamagata ( ´ ▽ ` )              WE’RE NOT OLD ENOUGH ( ಠ - ಠ )

15:00    From: Captain-Sama!              I WANT PICS

Reon and Semi were discussing the subject in the comfort of their private dorm. It was clear to the tan boy that you were bothered by Semi agreeing to go to the formal and not even telling you! It was only now that Semi was understanding this and he looked to his roommate for guidance.

“I already told that girl I’ll go with her…” Semi was attempting to sort his thoughts, “But I don’t want to hurt (F/N).”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Reon interjected, “You already did that.”

Semi burrowed his head into his hands, “Does (F/N) think I’m replacing her? She means so much to me, that’s absurd.”

“You didn’t exactly tell her that you were going to formal with someone else.” Reon explained, “How would you feel if your closest friend was going to an intimate dance with a date that you never met before?” Semi massaged his temples further, feeling the oncoming migraine that usually came associated with a certain second-year setter.

His thoughts were unclear and the constant vibrating of both their phones were not helping his mental state, “What is happening?”

Reon browsed through his phone first and frowned, “Well. It seems a certain someone’s affection never fully disappeared from last year.”

Semi narrowed his eyes and picked up his phone to see your face splayed across the screen. A smile graced your face and it was clear who was the cause behind it. Ushijima’s smile was rare and came at random moments, but it was encased in memory through the photograph. He almost screamed.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Semi threw his phone on the bed before collapsing face first into it.

“On the chat, it seems Tendou was the one who pushed them together.” Semi punched his pillow at the mention of the brash Salami. “And they’re not dating, just going to the dance together.”

Semi let out a string of incomprehensible words into his comforter. “This is Ushiwaka. He’s not like Tendou, with the endless list of crushes. He’s genuine all the time and complimented (F/N) without hesitation. As in, I’m fucked.”

Reon was inwardly rolling his eyes, it was only when Semi was entirely comfortable with the other person or very enraged that he let loose his short-tempered side. And it seemed Semi was both, right at this moment.

You broke off from Tendou and Ushijima to retreat back to your dorm room. Ushijima agreed to have dinner with you later, in hopes of coordinating your outfit for the formal. It seemed the post of the two of you was the most popular on the entire page and you would have to dress to impress the audience.

Upon entering, you were ambushed with questions from both your roommate, Reon, and strangely Shirabu.

“(F/N), what the fuck.”

“You better not hinder his abilities as ace!”

“Did you just come from lunch with him?”

You blinked at the assault and then sat-down. “One, we’re not dating. So I will not be a distraction for him, I assure you. This is mostly Tendou’s doing anyway.”

Shirabu nodded at the explanation and then walked towards the door, stopping to put a hand on your shoulder first, “Good enough. Have a good time then.” And with that he walked out of the room. Shirabu was a special type of kid, everyone knew. At least he had the best intentions at heart?

“Seriously?” Your roommate and captain of the female volleyball team asked, showing off her impeccable vernacular.

“Come on.” You threw your bag to the side of your bed.

“How did this even start?” She sat down on her own bed as Reon rested on your desk chair.

“I was talking about y’know, what’s been bothering me recently. And Tendou suggested that there was no real reason to stop Ushijima and me from going to the formal together.”

“And what? Ushijima just asked on the spot after that?” She asked.

“Yeah, pretty much. And then Tendou made a big spectacle of it by making us pose for a picture.”

“A top three ace in the entire country and 190 centimeter of pure man, and you are the one to have tamed him. Holy shit, good job.” She commended.

Your eyes nearly fell out of your head and Reon could not stop his sudden coughing fit. “We are not dating.”

“Just the pure fact that Ushijima had no reason to not ask you, wow.” She commented. “If it was any other girl he would have scroll of reasons that would hit the floor with a speech to go along with it.”

“There’s no way.” You countered.

“Do you honestly think there are no implications?” Reon asked.

“Yeah, if anything he’s doing it as a favor.” You answered offhandedly, realizing your mistake instantly. It was natural to speak candidly to the two. However, it was clear that Reon would die defending Semi and thus you stopped speaking to him previously about the situation.

“A favor?” He asked, just as you had thought.

You hesitated. It was not in you to lie and it was only a matter of time before Tendou gave further details to the rest about the situation. “We were talking about Eita-kun before he asked me.”

“What about Eita?”

“Just how really messed up this situation is.” You decided on being vague.

Reon did not take the hint and continued to push the subject, “Why is it messed up?”

“You know why,” You gave him that look, like really bro, “I guess that’s what I get for assuming.

“What did you assume?” Your roommate asked, this time.

“I stayed loyal to him and I never gave into anyone. Never accepted chocolates or dates or anything. And I just assumed he would do the same?” Reon sat back in the chair, obviously mauling over your words.

“Well that is mostly true, with the exception of one person.” Both you and your roommate shot him questioning looks, unsure where he heard that from. “Isn’t it true you did extra practice with Wakatoshi for a whole month?”

“I don’t think volleyball counts as accepting affection.” Your roommate countered.

“Do you see who we are talking about?” Reon explained, “Our beloved ace lives and breathes volleyball. And he shared a good amount of that time alone with you. If you wanted to practice so badly, why not with Eita? He was the official setter.”

“Because Ushijima asked me personally.”

“And you accepted. You voluntarily spent an extended amount of time with him, engaging in the sport he loves and you didn’t think anything of it?”

“Of course not! I would have accepted practice from anyone else on the team.”

“I think that’s where you do not understand.” Reon paused, attempting to fully devlop his next few words before conveying them to the two of you. “You’re treating this extremely casually. But these are all boys who had no problems with showering you with compliments last year. Take a step back and really think about the situation.”

Your roommate interjected, “Okay, hold on. So Tendou and the boys tried to carelessly compliment (F/N) and after that she accepted one of those boy’s request to spend time with him.”

“We are not talking about some irresponsible boy. This is Wakatoshi, the most serious and straight-forward idiot to exist.”

You were sat on the bed, hands currently encasing your head in obvious stress and over-thinking. “But that’s not how I saw it! Ohmyfuckinggod.”

“I suggest you amend the situation, (F/N)-chan.” Reon advised, “I left him alone in the dorm, please talk to him.”

But you were already out the door. You had a growing list of reasons why you were an idiot and this misunderstanding definitely topped the list. You had to tell Eita that Ushijima would never hold a place in your heart like he did. It was impossible for Ushijima to have feelings for you, that was definite. Ever since your unofficial parting from Eita, you had spending more time with the ace. However, you would often be expressing your sadness about Semi and he knew entirely about your feelings. Wakatoshi was a bro.

And it was important that Semi knew that.

You tapped on his door, rapid and loud enough that you were sure other people in the hall heard it. There was a light shuffling inside and it seemed like there were multiple voices.

Semi opened a slight crack of the door with narrowed eyes, but when they landed on you they widened with obvious shock. “(F/N), what are you doing here?”

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I was talking with Reon and I think I need to say something before I regret it. Can I come inside?” Semi scratched the back of his ear in thought and did not move to allow you in.  

“Who’s at the door, Eita-kun?” And right before your eyes was the blonde date he agreed to go to the formal with.

Semi could literally see and feel your heartbreak. When your eyes traveled from her smiley disposition to him, he saw the narrowing – the pure anguish written across your face. It was something he never wanted to see ever again. The poor boy would do anything for you and it physically pained him that the cause of your sorrow was from him.

You swallowed your pride and yelled out, “I’m sorry for interrupting!” You ran down the hall, not caring that the door to Tendou and Waka’s room opened as you sprinted past it.

“Did you hurt her?” Wakatoshi asked a stunned Semi, who was standing in the middle of the hallway with a hand outstretched.

“I hate my fucking life.” Semi slapped a palm to his forehead. He had something to do first before he addressed you. He slammed the door behind him quickly, so neither volleyball players could throw questions at him.

“What was that?” The blonde girl asked, still standing and silently waiting for Semi. He had called her here a few minutes ago, saying that they needed to talk.

“We can’t go to the formal together.” Semi stated. “I’m really sorry if I’ve led you on.”

“Is it because of (L/N)-san?” She asked, smile still evident on her face. He nodded lightly. “You two honestly suit each other. Even I was surprised when you said yes to me.” She moved to the floor to grab her bag and leave, “May I ask, why did you agree to go with me?”

“I don’t know.” He sat on his bed and wanted to scream, it was rare for him to be so confused.

“You better get your shit together, Eita-kun.” She gave a small laugh and then exited the dorm.

There was no way that you were returning back to your dorm. You knew that your roommate and Reon would still be there and expecting details. You should have known! If you kept distancing yourself from Semi, it was only a matter of time that he found comfort in another person’s arms. You deserved this, really. You had been so petty and jealous without actually affirming your feelings to him.

Text Messages:

17:32    From: the most tender Salami              What was THAT?!

17:29    From: Ushiwaka-sama!              Where are you???

The only place that you knew would be free of any volleyball idiots would be the on-campus café outside of the nursing building. It only accepted money and not swipes from the meal-plan, which in itself was a turn-off from most of the volleyball teams. It was on the complete opposite side of campus from the gyms and you were sure that none of the people you knew were enrolled in medical-specific programs. Of course, everyone except from her.

It had been a full hour of dodged texts and missed calls when she neared your table. “Hi. You probably don’t want to talk to me of all people.” The blonde started, but still made a motion as if asking if she could take the empty seat across from you.

“You can have the seat. I was on my way out.” You grabbed your various things from the table, readying to leave.

“Wait, please just listen.” You paused in your movements and nodded, “Semi called me to his room to call off our date for the formal. He never meant to upset you and I’m sure he’s looking for you as we speak. Please give him a chance.”

“You don’t have to do this.” You interjected, “He said yes to you and I don’t want to take him away from you just because I am the one who is upset. You asked and he accepted your affection, something we never did. We’ve only ever been friends. With Semi, all I want for him is to be happy. He deserves all the happiness in the world, even if it’s not with me.”

Your eyes were wandering around during your speech, jumping from behind the blonde and your surroundings but never focusing on her. When you gazed back at her, she was holding a hand to her nose and lightly sniffling.

“You two deserve to be together!” She shouted, “Oh god I am so sorry for getting between you guys.”

Behind you, Semi was scouring the café in an attempt to find you. He spent too damn long thinking and not acting, it was finally time that he made his feelings known. Grabbing his phone on the way out, he called Tendou and Waka and neither boys knew where you were. A quick text to Reon and your roommate and they both asked why you were not with him. Semi sighed and continued in his search. Finally, he received a text from the blonde that she found you moping around here.

Semi could spot you in a crowd of rowdy volleyball players within seconds. He found your luscious locks of hair across the very person he left. Damn, he really owed that girl. She took rejection like pro and even took it a step further to keep you here until he arrived.

“Please, you have nothing to be sorry about.” You responded.

A pair of large hands slid to lightly weigh on your shoulders, “Can I interrupt?”

“Please do.” The blonde replied and quickly gathered her belongings. “I wish you two the best.”

Semi quickly took her seat and reached across the table to hold your hands in his. “You said you wanted to clear misunderstandings before you ran off. I need to do the same.”

His grip tightened and you squeezed back. “Let me start, since I owe you an explanation.” He nodded. “Eita-kun, you’re the only man I’ve ever had eyes for. Even if I spend time with Waka-kun or Salami, they’ve never meant more to me than just friends. You’ve always held the most special and largest piece of my heart.”

Semi smiled and moved his chair closer to yours. “I want you to know that I feel the same way. It’s rather small of me, but after you spent so much time with Wakatoshi… I wanted to test if you felt the same heartbreak I felt when I saw the two of you together. I realize now how spiteful that was of me, to the very girl I had feelings for.”

You placed a gentle hand on the side of his face, rubbing rather affectionately and he seemed to lean into it. “Looks like we’re a pair of idiots.”

“But now you’re my exclusive idiot.” He staked his claim and you wondered how his seat suddenly was right next to yours!

Semi nuzzled your nose with his own, smile enrapturing you for the oomph time. You closed your eyes and leaned forward, bumping noses until you felt the gentle touch of his lips against yours. You were entirely receptive, even moving further into his body to get the full scape of his silky lips. The tips of his hair were tickling the sides of your face. And you would kill to feel this sensation for the rest of your life.

His hands lost themselves in your hair, preoccupied with keeping a steady hold on the back of your head. You returned the embrace and he took that as an invitation to glide his lips against yours, silently asking for entrance. You moaned in answer and opened up slowly, but he took it entirely in stride – not skipping a beat.

It was only when a flash went off that the two of you broke apart, gasping for air.

“Holy shit!” Tendou yelled, Wakatoshi clapping not too far behind him. You flushed with embarrassment. God you moaned in public! “This one is for the page.”

You were about to interject when Semi stated, “Finally. Maybe now you bastards will get the message.”

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Hot momma! Finally, it seems as though the couple everyone shipped together are finally official~ Hopefully we don’t have to mark this page as 18+ Tagged: Eita Semi and (F/N)(L/N) Attached: 1.jpg, 2.jpg / 3.gif

Semi led you back to his empty dorm, your roommate and Reon were bro’s and willingly offered to have a sleepover to give you two alone time. You were currently encased between his arms, legs tangled and speaking in low voices. He had you nestled beneath his chin, but most of your weight laid across his chest. Semi did not want this moment to end. He waited three years for this, it was a moment of love in the making. You laughed lightly in his arms, not a care in the world keeping you from him. You were both on cloud nine, basking in each other's presence. You never took Semi as a closet cuddle-whore, but you were not complaining. His arms encased you perfectly and you could not hold back from placing butterfly kisses across his chest. You loved him, it was only a matter of time that you found out.

—xXxXxXxXxXx— 

➳ A/N: This fic may seem familiar because it’s being brought up over from our earlier Deviantart account! <3

[kerikaaria]

Second Chance: Part 2

(Yoongi x reader) Short series, Hybrid!au, Hybrid!reader

Genre (whole fic): (PG15) Angst and fluff In this part: Fluff and angst

Warnings (whole fic): Mentions of euthanasia on hybrids, mentions of mistreatment and abuse (including PAST sexual)

WC: 13.1k

Description: As a rare predator hybrid, you are considered dangerous and your days left in this life are numbered—unless a human decides to take mercy on you and is willing to take you into their home. But after three years of having people walk past your window without paying you any attention, your hope of that happening has all but run dry. You just hope your brother can get out of here in time, even if you can’t.

A/N - Thank you to @suhdays​, @birbdae​, and @jeonsbun​ for beta-reading for me ^^

A/N - Just like in Part 1, there are a few times “N/n” is used to mean “nickname.”

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“Come eat, Y/n. Hoseok said dinner is ready,” Seokjin gently said, trying to coax you into the kitchen where Hoseok was currently setting the table.

“We shouldn’t eat at the table with him,” you whispered. “And why do you keep calling him by his name?”

“Because he asked me to,” Jin said. “I know this must be hard for you to get used to, but we don’t need to follow those rules that our last Masters had.”

“Hybrids aren’t supposed to be equal to humans, Jinnie," you insisted. "You know that.”

Seokjin sighed. He had expected that you would have some pushback on this new lifestyle that the two of you could have with Hoseok; you were the one who suffered the most from your previous owners, afterall. But it had been four days since Hoseok adopted you and you still weren’t able to feel comfortable quite yet.

He had hoped that things being easy between you and Yoongi would have helped you not be so distant and had healed a lot of the damaging mindset you both had been taught and raised with. However, when he asked you about it in hushed words at night when the two of you lay in bed, he gathered from your responses that in your mind, Yoongi was a one-in-a-million exception that fit right alongside Jimin.

“It’s okay, hyung,” Hoseok said. “No need to push her. I’m sure she’ll come around when she's ready to.”

Hoseok handed Seokjin your plate, knowing that you would feel nervous if he got too close. That was a mistake he had made not too long after you woke up your first day here. He believed that you'd get used to him as easily as your brother did, and had very quickly been proven wrong. But he was more than willing to give you the time and space you needed to become more comfortable with him and in his home.

Seokjin walked into the living room with you, placing your plate on the coffee table in front of where you had come to designate as your spot on the couch. Once you sat down, you waited for Jin to sit next to you only to realize he didn't bring his own plate with him.

"Where's your plate, Jinnie?" you asked.

"I'm going to eat in the kitchen with Hoseok today," he carefully said.

You felt panic rise in your chest. "You're not eating with me?" you asked.

"You could eat with us if you'd like," Seokjin said, threading a hand through your hair to try to help calm you down. "I just want to eat with Hoseok today, okay?"

"But," your eyes nervously flitted between Jin's face and the table in the kitchen, visible from the couch through the open archway, where you could see your owner setting two plates down. It wasn't like you wanted to have a monopoly on Jin. You could easily see that he already had a connection with Hoseok despite your own hesitance to trust that he was completely different from the previous two owners you'd had just yet. But you just needed time to become comfortable, and Jin was your anchor and made you feel safe. No matter what, he was always there for you. He had always protected you to the best of his ability, would even take hits for you.

It was easy to sense your anxiousness, heightened senses letting Seokjin easily tell that your heart was speeding up. He felt really bad about doing this, knew it was going to be a bit of a difficult step to take, but he had to do it. The best way for you to understand that Hoseok was a good person would be to let you see for yourself that things were different.

"I'll be right there," Jin said in a soft voice, pointing at the table. "You can come with me if you want, but if not you will still be able to see me. I promise it'll be okay."

You still looked nervous, but he could see the gears in your head working as the physical signs of your anxiousness began to subside.

"I'm going to go in the kitchen now, okay?" he asked, sensing that it was probably safe to leave you but wanting to let you feel more in control of the situation by asking you instead of telling.

It took you a moment, but you softly nodded. Jin smoothed down your hair and placed a kiss on your forehead before retreating slowly, feeling your eyes on him as he walked away.

He was right. It wasn't like anything was going to happen to you while you sat here by yourself eating dinner. And you trusted him more than anything, so you knew that he wouldn't tell you that things were okay if they weren't. But out of all the people who you had encountered in your life, incredibly few were actually trustworthy.

How you had even attached to Yoongi so easily was a mystery to you, but you figured it had something to do with the fact that it was a rare instance that you got to be with your brother at the shelter, and for two years no one else had been even a little kind to you. Then in came Yoongi with that soft smile and sweet words, things you craved so much that you soaked it up like a sponge.

That wasn't to say that you felt Yoongi didn't deserve your trust. While you may not have believed he could do anything at the time, it was now impossible to ignore how much effort Yoongi put in to ensure that your last days weren't in that shelter. And in that same vein, a lot could have been said for Hoseok's case, since he was the one who hurried to the shelter last minute to adopt you barely in time. Seokjin had told you about why it took so long, and how everything had lined up just perfectly. If it had taken one more day for the license to go through, or if they had taken you to the vet just one day earlier, there would have been nothing Hoseok could have done for you. So it absolutely wasn't lost on you that Hoseok was obviously more caring than your past owners. Neither of them would have made any effort to save you how he had done. Well, maybe your second Master, but that would have only been because you were a popular favorite and made him money.

You stayed in the living room to eat, but watched your brother in the kitchen. Hoseok had sat right next to him and was easily engaging him in conversation as they ate, smiling and laughing. Seokjin looked so happy and comfortable with him.

You weren't sure how long it'd take you to let your protective walls come down, but if there was one thing you knew as you observed the two in the kitchen, it was that you wanted to feel as happy as Jin looked.

One thing you had surprisingly little trouble with since being adopted was sleeping. Sure, you woke up at least once a night in a sweat, memories of the other day and drugs running through your system haunting you. But your brother was always right there, already holding you tight and assuring you that you were safe. So when the nightmare left you alone, you were able to sleep the best that you had in years.

By the time you would stir awake, Hoseok was either just about to or had already left for work, leaving you and Jin in the house by yourselves. This was the time when you felt the most relaxed and comfortable ever since coming here. Getting to be with your brother, no wall keeping you separated, and not worrying about learning to be comfortable around Hoseok.

Although today, you couldn't help but feel a little restless as the two of you cuddled on the couch and watched a show on TV that Jin proclaimed as his favorite.

Ever since dinner last night, you couldn't help but feel unsettled. Torn between your instincts yelling at you not to relax around your owner—a human who is supposed to be above you—and your desire to trust and get close to him. You of course knew Jin would never lead you astray, but after the years spent in that place, the time living day by day on the street, and then how poorly the shelter treated you, your instincts were rather hard to ignore at this point.

But seeing your brother so carefree and relaxed last night made you crave to be the same, not remembering the last time you could truly be worry-free.

When the door to the house opened, your owner having arrived home from work, you felt yourself subconsciously stiffen. You tried to not let it show too much, actively trying to work against your pesky instincts in an effort to make sure Hoseok didn't feel as concerned about making you uncomfortable.

Seokjin's grip around you loosened as he prepared to greet Hoseok when he would inevitably come into the living room. He probably expected you to move away from him as you had every day prior, distancing yourself so that Hoseok could approach your brother. However, you stayed right where you were, fists clenched to try to hold in some of the tension you felt from the need to keep away and protect yourself.

As the human's footsteps approached the room, you silently reprimanded the thoughts that insisted that you needed to keep your distance, that Hoseok wasn't safe. You had no reason to think he wasn't. No, you knew he wasn't a danger to you. You had more than enough observations with how he treated Seokjin to back that up and you were going to fight through this.

You kept your eyes locked on your hands, gripping tightly to the fabric of your pants as Hoseok entered the room. Despite not looking up, you could hear that he stopped for just a moment before finishing his path to the couch, slower than he had been walking before.

"Welcome home," Jin said in a light voice that must have been punctuated by his smile.

"Thank you, hyung," Hoseok responded, now standing next to the couch you were both sitting on. The light chuff from Jin let you know that his ears were receiving attention in greeting. “Did you guys have a nice day?”

“We did,” Seokjin responded, sounding a little sleepy. Both of you were huge suckers for physical affection.

When Jin leaned back toward you as he relaxed into the comfort of Hoseok's attention, you lifted your head up enough to see the smile that sat on your owner's face while he stared at Jin. Just a moment later his gaze flitted to you, and while his eyes widened from having not expected to meet your own, his smile didn't falter at all. In fact, it seemed to become even softer.

"Hi, noona," he greeted.

Your instincts were still screaming at you in your head, but you urged them as far back as you could to respond. "H-Hello," you said in a very quiet voice.

Hoseok's smile widened once more, thrilled that you were talking directly to him for what was probably the very first time.

"What did you do today?" he asked, still looking at you.

You glanced at your brother when he lifted away from you, Hoseok no longer petting him. Jin gave you a slight nod, encouraging you to answer.

"We- we mostly just watched TV," you replied.

“Oh?” Hoseok responded. “Is it that crime show that Jin says is his favorite?”

You nodded in confirmation. “It’s interesting.”

“Yeah, it is,” Hoseok agreed. “What show is your favorite, Y/n?”

“U-um,” you felt flustered, not really having an answer. “I don’t r-really have a favorite ye-yet.” Starting to feel a bit overwhelmed, you partially hid behind Jin.

“We’ve pretty much just watched the shows I recommend,” Seokjin replied.

“Well, you should let her browse through the shows, too,” Hoseok said. “Let her find stuff she likes too.”

Jin nodded before turning to you. “Okay. You can find a show you want to watch tomorrow, N/n.”

“Okay,” you mumbled in response.

Hoseok gave another smile before backing away a bit. “I’m going to go get comfortable and then make dinner, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Jin said, smiling back at him.

When Hoseok was out of the room, you relaxed. You were still feeling really nervous, but you could swear that you felt just slightly less anxious about Hoseok now.

Jin turned slightly to engulf you in his arms, tucking his head into your neck. “That was really good, N/n. I’m proud of you for doing such a good job.”

“It was hard,” you mumbled into his hair.

“I know,” he said. “But you still tried your best and you did so, so good. I’m so happy you’re trying.”

You chuffed, feeling proud that you made your brother happy. The two of you sat on the couch snuggling for a moment before Hoseok came out of his room, on the phone.

“I’d love to say yes,” you heard him say to the person on the other line, “but I don’t know if it’s a good idea, especially to bring Jungkook.”

You turned to look at him, cocking your head to the side in curiosity of what he was talking about. Jin followed your actions as well.

“You know how I adopted two hybrids recently?” Hoseok asked, quieter. Probably trying to keep you guys from hearing, or at least paying attention. But he’d have to be in another room behind a closed door for you not to hear with your strong senses. “One of them is still anxious at home, not used to me yet. I don’t think another human and his hybrid being in the house would be a good idea for her.”

You couldn’t help but feel a little warm at the idea that Hoseok was concerned about your comfort. Yet again confirming what your instincts were still having trouble accepting.

“I’m sorry, Jimin.” Both you and Jin perked up when you heard the name. “Maybe I could come over there? They’re brother and sister and are fine being alone together in the house, so it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Jimin?” you asked, bringing Hoseok’s attention your way. That name was most definitely familiar to you.

“Oh. Yeah, Jimin is my friend,” he said to you.

“What’s Jimin’s last name?” Jin asked.

“Park,” Hoseok answered easily. “Why?”

You felt excited, and sensed that Jin was too.

“Have you told him our names?” your brother asked.

“No, I haven’t.” Hoseok looked a bit confused, but mostly curious now. “Why all the questions?”

“Tell him our names,” you said. “Please?”

He was most definitely primarily confused now, but still did as you asked. “Um, they’re asking me to tell you their names. I’m not sure why. But uh, the hybrids I adopted are called Seokjin and Y/n.”

He was silent for a moment while he listened to the Jimin on the other line, his brows furrowing at the response. “Yeah. I don’t think I mentioned their species to you before. How did you know that?” He pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment, cringing. Jimin on the other end was loud enough that you could hear him, but not quite what he was saying. “He wants me to put him on speaker,” Hoseok said, now talking to the two of you. “Is that okay?”

You quickly nodded, excited that maybe your suspicion was right, while Jin vocalized the affirmation.

Hoseok followed directions once more, holding the phone in front of him. “Okay, you’re on speaker now.”

“Jin-hyung? Y/n-noona?” Jimin’s voice came through the phone. It was definitely more mature than the last time you had heard it and distorted through the device, but there was no mistaking that that was your Jimin.

“Minnie?” you responded.

“Oh my gosh, is it really you guys?” Jimin asked.

“Yes,” Jin responded for you. “Yes, it’s us. And we know it’s you, we’d recognize your voice anywhere.”

“I can’t believe this,” Jimin breathed out, a light laugh sitting on his voice. “What are the chances?”

“Okay, anyone want to fill me in here?” Hoseok asked, eyebrows raised.

“Hyung, you remember the hybrids I told you about when we were kids?” Jimin asked Hoseok. “The brother and sister tiger hybrids that I grew up with? Their names were Seokjin and Y/n.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened. “The ones that your parents sold when we were teens?”

“Yes,” Jimin confirmed. “I can’t believe this. I know the chances of this being a different sibling pair of tiger hybrids with the same names are basically impossible, but Hobi hyung can you turn on video? If they’re okay with it. I just- I need to see it with my own eyes.”

Hoseok looked to the two of you for permission, which you both easily gave. “Would you use your video too?” Jin asked.

“Of course,” Jimin responded.

Hoseok obeyed once more, adding video to the call and turning the phone around so you could see the screen. A moment later, an older version of a familiar face appeared, smiling brightly.

“It really is you guys,” Jimin said. “I can’t- Oh my gosh. I have to come over now. Can I?”

“Yes!” you immediately responded.

You heard a voice in the background of Jimin’s end of the call. “Hyung?” he said. “You seem really happy.”

“I am, Kookie,” Jimin answered, turning to the source of the voice off camera. “The hybrids Hobi hyung adopted are the ones that I grew up with. That my parents sold before they got you.”

“Seriously?” the voice asked, sounding a little bit closer.

“Yeah,” Jimin said before turning back to the phone. “Guys, if I come over, is it okay if I bring Kookie? He’s my hybrid. He’s a German Shepherd, but I promise he’s friendly. He won’t cause fights or anything. He knows that place is your territory and won’t try challenging you or anything. I’d really like for you guys to meet him if you are okay with that.”

You looked to Jin to see what he thought, and when he met your gaze and smiled, you knew that both of you were okay with that. “Yeah, that’s fine,” you said. “We’d love to meet him. I’m so excited to see you again, Minnie.”

“I’m really excited too!” he exclaimed.

“Well, looks like we’re having a reunion at my house,” Hoseok chuckled. “Alright guys, sorry but I really should get to making dinner now. I guess we’ll see you tomorrow, Jimin.”

“See you guys tomorrow!” Jimin said cheerfully, waving at the screen before the call ended.

You couldn’t wait.

Hoseok informed you later that he and Jimin worked together, and that after a quick stop home to pick up Jungkook, he’d be here not too long after Hoseok got home himself. You didn’t have enough courage to sit at the table with Hoseok and Jin for dinner, but you did feel just a tad more comfortable than the previous day. Especially when your mind was on tomorrow.

You and Jin could hardly contain your excitement over being reunited with Jimin after so many years. The two of you spent the day using that energy to clean up around the house, making sure it was perfect for your special guest. Hoseok was a very organized person, so it wasn’t like the house was by any means a mess. But between the two of you, you made sure that there wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere and everything was perfectly in its place.

When Hoseok got home, he was surprised to see the two of you running around the house, ensuring last minute that you hadn’t missed anything. He chuckled to himself, giving Jin his usual greeting pet as he passed him in the hallway, and throwing a smile your way which you easily returned. You were way too excited to be anxious about being around Hoseok today.

It felt like an eternity, but was really only about fifteen minutes later that there was a knock at the door. Jin held your hand, keeping either of you from rushing to the door and overwhelming the hybrid that you could already smell on the other side. Hoseok calmly approached the door to let them in himself.

Your tail twitched behind you, unable to contain your nerves at seeing your first friend, the first human you ever trusted, after you had thought you’d never see him again when his parents sold you years ago.

As soon as the door opened, you could see Jimin searching around to find you, a smile brightening his face once he did. You were just about to rush to envelop him in a hug, wanting to scent him in an expression of how much you missed him, how happy you were to be able to see him again, when the scent hit you.

The scent that let you know that Jimin was mated, that another hybrid had lay their claim on him. Being able to smell without the interference of a wall between you, it was quickly obvious that it was the hybrid Jimin brought with him who had mated him. Jin hesitated beside you as well, both of you unsure if you were allowed to express any kind of affection toward him with his hybrid mate there.

But the worry was quickly dissolved when Jimin made his way right over to you and pulled both of you into a tight hug, saying “I missed you guys so much.”

You eyed the dog hybrid who slowly approached the three of you, making sure he didn’t show any signs of aggression before making any moves. But when he shyly smiled back, you knew that at least this level of affection was considered fine and relaxed into Jimin’s hold, still being careful not to scent.

“We thought we’d never see you again,” Jin said.

“I know, me too,” Jimin replied, his grip tightening just a bit before releasing. When he pulled back, you could see tears starting to pool in his eyes. “I was so worried when my parents said they sold you guys. I had no idea who bought you or what happened to you. But I guess I didn’t really need to worry.”

You smiled tightly, not wanting to make him upset, but not being able to recall your second owner without a shiver running down your spine.

Behind Jimin, the hybrid cleared his throat.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Kookie,” Jimin said, moving away from you and Seokjin. “This is my hybrid, Jungkook. Jungkook, this is Seokjin-hyung and Y/n-noona.”

Jimin linked his arm through Jungkook’s as the hybrid bowed slightly. “It’s very nice to meet you,” he said. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Jimin-hyung.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Jungkook,” you said, smiling as you took a good look at him. He was tall, almost as tall as Jin, and looked really strong. You could tell that Jimin felt safe with him, and were curious to learn more about the two of them. You remembered from the call yesterday Jimin said something about his parents buying Jungkook, but he was clearly now Jimin’s hybrid and mate and there were a lot of questions left in the middle for you. Particularly about his parents.

Your little group followed Hoseok into the living room when he suggested that you all sit in there to chat. Jimin sat down first, and you were kind of shocked to see Jungkook go to sit at the loveseat instead of on the couch right next to his mate. You looked at the empty spot on the couch, tail twitching as you contemplated if you should sit there.

“You guys should sit with Jimin-hyung,” Jungkook said when both you and Seokjin hesitated. “I can tell how much you guys miss him.”

“But, you’re-” Jin started, but stopped when Jungkook shook his head.

“It’s fine,” the dog hybrid said. “I know I can trust you guys with him.”

You looked back to Jimin, who reached out for your hand, gently guiding you to sit next to him. “It’s okay,” he said. “He’s not very territorial.” He reached out to Jin as well. “Protective, sure. But he knows that you guys were like family to me, and trusts me to have good judgement, too.”

Hoseok sat on the loveseat with Jungkook, the hybrid snuggling into his arm. You felt all of the tension from being worried about overstepping dissipate due to both Jimin’s words and seeing how easygoing Jungkook seemed. You relaxed into Jimin’s side, letting out a happy chuff at smelling his familiar scent.

“What’s the story with you and Jungkook?” Seokjin asked first. His posture on the other side of Jimin resembled yours.

“My parents adopted him not too long after they sold you guys,” Jimin said, reaching his hands up to run through your hair and scratching at the base of your ears. “I was so mad at them when I found out about you. I hoped you knew that I had no clue. If I did, I would have fought them tooth and nail not to do it. And if I failed, I at least would have made sure to say goodbye to you. But I didn’t even get to do that, and I was so angry. It had been about six months or so of me being a moody teenager and hanging that over their heads before they decided that getting a new hybrid would settle me down.”

“They also thought that getting a ‘guard dog’”—Jungkook used a hand to make air quotes around the phrase—“would help keep him in line. But I’m not really aggressive at all, never have been. I knew other German Shepherds that were, but I’ve just always channeled that part of me into protecting people I care about.”

“They still treated him pretty much the same way they did you guys,” Jimin continued. “Like he was some kind of servant, but then a glorified pet whenever it suited them. Showed him off to their friends and ordered him around all the time. They asked him to do things he was uncomfortable with, too. Treated him like a showpiece sometimes. By that point, you know I was a teen, so I had understood more of what was going on and was able to keep them from being too harsh, but I knew that as soon as I left for college I couldn’t help him anymore.”

You curled further into Jimin’s side, remembering your own time at the Park’s. They had adopted you and Seokjin when you were around 9 years old and Jimin was 6. Jimin was fascinated by the two of you at first, but he never treated you poorly. He always wanted to play with you and acted like you were his real siblings.

But his parents had different ideas. They gave you a small room to share, hardly bigger than a closet. You didn’t even get offered a larger room as you got older, despite the fact that there were plenty of rooms in their big house that weren’t being used. They would let it go for the first few years when they’d catch you playing with Jimin here and there, but as you all got older you’d get scolded more and more for it.

When they had events to go to or friends came to visit them, they’d show you off and you were expected to stay silent and listen to everything they asked of you the whole time. If you acted out or disobeyed even a little, the punishments would be worse than any others. And when you were at home, you were expected to spend the day cleaning. They had some hired help, primarily a cook and gardener. But as for anything in regard to cleaning, that was something you two were expected to do as soon as you were adopted.

Jin had always been a little taller than you, but at that age it was rather dumb to expect your little legs and arms to be able to reach the high-up shelves or cabinets that needed cleaning. You’d climb on each other’s shoulders to reach those spots once you learned that even that was expected of you.

So they didn’t exactly treat you the best. As Jimin said they expected of Jungkook as well, you were like servants at home and glorified pets to show off outside of the house or with their friends. But it took Jimin quite a few years to realize how his parents had treated you, having been quite young even compared to you when you were adopted. Once he did realize, he felt terrible and he really did try to help you out, but he could really only do so much.

Then, when they felt like you were being too much of a bad influence on their son and no longer had any use for you, they got rid of you. Didn’t care who took you off their hands as long as they were paid well. The two of you were just barely 17 when that happened, Jimin only 14 years old.

Despite not liking how his parents treated you, Jimin was always wonderful. He’d always been sweet, enjoyed spending time with you both, and treated you just like he would have any other friends or family. It may not have been perfect, but that was still the best place you had lived in your lives, at least before Hoseok adopted you.

“Jungkook and I…” Jimin started, seeming to think hard about his words. “He was when I realized I liked boys. I didn’t really notice before then, or care to, I guess. And it wasn’t like it happened right away, but after a while I realized that I cared about him differently than how I cared about you guys. I knew my parents would be mad, so I kept it a secret. Jungkook was shy about it at first, but he said he was able to tell because of my scent that I had… less than platonic feelings for him. But he felt the same so we would sneak kisses and hold hands when we were alone.” Jimin smiled at the memories.

“I tried convincing my parents to let Jungkook come with me when I went to college, but they refused,” Jimin continued. “I was able to stall going for a year, and then before I went the following year, Jungkook and I decided that I should be his mate. It was a little drastic at the time, and ideally I probably would have wanted to wait a little longer before dedicating myself to one person like that, but I was desperate. I had heard my parents planning to sell him, and we just couldn’t handle the thought of being separated. So, he marked me as his mate, and then they had no choice but to let him come with me.”

That was one of the other hybrid laws that had been passed – that a hybrid and their mate couldn’t be forced to separate if it was consensual on both ends. It was really a great law overall, but there were times when people attempted to abuse it and the cases had to be investigated. Sometimes, a human would force a hybrid to mate with them to not allow them to leave. But those usually end up happening when the human was already at risk of losing the hybrid so the cases were easily taken care of and tended to work in the hybrid’s favor more often than not.

Being separated from a mate for a long time could be difficult for a hybrid, causing their instincts to scream to be with them and making them distressed. But, if a hybrid ended up being mated to someone they didn’t care about or that they felt unsafe with, survival instincts would override their mating ones and they wouldn’t have an issue staying away. So in the cases when humans attempted to abuse the law, the hybrid wouldn’t have any problem staying away from them, and eventually the mate bond would dissolve and they could start a new one if they ever wished to.

“It didn’t really go over that well,” Jungkook chimed in. “They were so mad. Well, not so much mad as disgusted with us. They called Jimin all these names, and I- well, I’m just glad I have a lot of self-control because I really felt like clawing their faces off when I heard them insulting him and our relationship. And then they told him that he wasn’t their son anymore.”

Jimin nodded solemnly, grip in your hair tightening a little. “And they really weren’t lying. They refused to give me any money or help and told me ‘Good luck succeeding on your own.’ Luckily for me, my first year of college was already paid for, including an apartment near the campus for me. They couldn’t take it back, so I still got to start and I just made sure to get a job and started saving up so I could keep going. And I really did have good luck. Still got a great education and started up my own business with Hobi hyung that’s doing really well. Plus, I have Jungkook with me.”

During the pause that followed, Jin quietly asked, “Do you regret it?”

Jimin turned to him, brows furrowed. “Regret what? Mating with Jungkook?”

Jin flattened his ears as he glanced at the dog hybrid before gently nodding.

“Not at all,” Jimin answered without hesitation. “It may have been a bit early to do it at the time, but I love Jungkook with all my heart and if we hadn’t done it then, we still would have years ago. We just didn’t really have much of a choice, if we wanted to stay together.”

“But then your parents still tried tearing us apart,” Jungkook said, burrowing into Hoseok’s shoulder for comfort as his scent soured in distress over whatever memories were coming to mind.

“Come here, baby,” Jimin said to Jungkook, reaching an arm out toward him. Jungkook uncurled from Hoseok’s side, approaching the couch. You moved to the side a bit to give room for Jungkook before Jimin pulled him into his lap. “The important thing is that they couldn’t.”

“What happened?” you tentatively asked.

“They submitted a report saying that I forced him to mate me,” Jimin said. Jungkook looked small as he tucked himself further into Jimin’s embrace. “In all honesty, I had wanted to try to look for the two of you, see what happened to you and maybe adopt you if I could. But once a report like that enters the system, it takes a long time to no longer affect your record. They investigated and of course came to the conclusion that it was consensual and we were happy together, but even to this day, that mark against my record still prohibits me from looking into adopting any other hybrids.”

“The good thing that came out of it is that your parents ended up getting blacklisted themselves,” Jungkook said, a smile stretching on his face. “We submitted counterclaims about how they treated me, and Jimin’s accounts of how you two had been treated before. What really caught their eye from that was the fact that when they sold you, it wasn’t a legal transaction. The name they transferred you to on your files was an alias and there was no way to track it. They should have done it through the official system to ensure that didn’t happen. So that on top of our accounts of how they treated me and you two, they’re not allowed to do anything related to hybrids ever again.”

You felt relieved at that knowledge. While you knew from personal experience that there were far worse people out there, they still weren’t people who should have hybrids.

“Which is one of the reasons why I’ve been worried about what happened to you guys after they sold you,” Jimin said, frowning. “They said that it was mostly people involved in black markets and who don’t treat hybrids well that hid themselves in those kinds of transactions and with aliases. And especially with your breed, they didn’t like the look of it. But after my case was done they couldn’t keep me informed and I could never look into it myself.”

You inched a bit closer to Jimin, nervous of touching too much with Jungkook right there, but couldn’t help wanting the comfort. When Jungkook gave no sign of wanting you to stay away, you snuggled into Jimin’s arm, releasing just a bit of your scent but not too much to let it linger on him.

Jungkook straightened up a bit, and you flinched, concerned that you did cross a line. But instead of being defensive, he looked at you concerned. “You smell distressed,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

Jimin looked at you, then turned to Jin who must have had a similar expression to you. “Hyung? Noona?” Jimin asked, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“It was a black market,” your brother mumbled into Jimin’s shirt. “He wasn’t a good person.”

You instantly felt both Jimin and Jungkook tense up, while Hoseok’s scent turned bitter as well. Everyone remained silent for a moment, the others in the room processing the new information.

“What-” Hoseok was the one to finally speak the question they were all curious about. “What did they do?”

“Was a Hybrid House,” you said in a small voice. Jimin let go of Jungkook and wrapped an arm each around you and Seokjin, holding you as tightly as he could. “We were there for a while. Not sure how long, though. Days blended together a lot. I guess it was about three or four years before we managed to escape.”

“House?” Jungkook asked, getting off Jimin’s lap so he could look at you all more clearly. “What’s a Hybrid House?”

“It’s not a good place,” Hoseok answered. “I have never been to one, and never will be. But I’ve heard about them. It’s-” you could feel his gaze on you and Jin before he breathed deeply and continued. “It’s a place where people will pay to receive… certain services from hybrids.”

“Certain servi-” Jungkook started, before his face lit up in realization. “Oh.” He turned back to the three of you, now snuggled even closer together on the couch, sadness tainting his scent. “Oh my gosh.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jimin said, voice thick with emotion. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Seokjin assured him, tucking in closer to him. “At the very least, we still had each other. We were put in the same room together and we took care of each other.”

A heavy silence hung in the room for a few long moments before Jimin asked, “How did you get out?”

“They forgot to lock the door one night,” you said. “Jinnie was the one who noticed. So when we knew they were all asleep, we snuck out.”

“We almost got caught, too,” Jin added. “But even though we weren’t in the best of shape, there was no way they could catch up to two tiger hybrids.”

“We were living on the street for a little while before Hybrid Patrol picked us up and sent us to that shelter,” you added. “Probably about half a year?” You glanced over to Jin, asking for confirmation.

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” he confirmed. “No way to know for sure since we didn’t exactly have a way of keeping track of time.”

“And then you were in the shelter for three years,” Hoseok supplied.

Jin nodded. “And now we’re here. And Hoseok is really amazing, and now we even get to see you again, Jimin. This is the happiest I’ve ever been.” Both you and Jin chuffed happily at his words.

You could feel Jimin smile as the tension in the room started dissipating. “Hobi hyung said something about one of you still being uncomfortable?”

“Oh.” Jin sat a little straighter. “It’s Y/n. But don’t blame her, she’s been through so much.”

“The both of you have,” Jimin supplied.

“I mean yeah, but she had it even worse,” Jin insisted. “There was nothing I could do to help her when-”

“Don’t worry about it,” you interjected quickly, throwing Jin a look that told him you didn’t want him to continue. It already haunted you enough every day and in your nightmares, but there was nothing anyone could do so you didn’t want them to feel any worse for you about it.

But that definitely didn’t stop the rest from being curious.

“What happened, noona?” Jimin gently asked you.

You just hid your face in his shoulder, shaking your head. “It’s personal,” you said.

Jimin sighed, but said, “Okay,” as he brought his other arm around to fully engulf you in a hug.

Being fully embraced, you instinctively started to scent Jimin, but quickly stopped in your tracks, the scent of him being mated reminding you it was a bad idea.

But then, “If it makes you more comfortable, it’s okay to scent him, noona,” Jungkook offered. “I don’t mind, really. I know you’re not trying to claim him, and to be honest your and hyung’s scents are really nice.”

You didn’t question his permission, taking that as more than enough reason to relax and scent Jimin like you wanted to ever since he stood at the doorway.

“I’m trying, though,” you mumbled.

“Hm? What do you mean?” Jimin asked.

“I’m trying to do better with Hoseok,” you said, slightly turning to glance at him. “It’s just that, I kind of learned that hybrids are below their owners and I am naturally afraid of people after everything. But I know he’s not a bad person. Jinnie wouldn’t be so comfortable with him, and he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to save me if he wasn’t. So I’m trying to do better.”

“She opened up a little more yesterday,” Hoseok said, smiling. “We had our first proper conversation. It was short, but it made me really happy.”

“That’s good to hear,” Jimin said.

You nodded. “And now I know that you’re friends,” you said. “I don’t feel nervous at all right now with you around.”

Jimin giggled a little at that. “I’m glad to know. Maybe I can come around more often, then? If it’ll help you open up with Hobi hyung more.”

“Maybe,” Hoseok said. “I’m sure they’d really like to see you more, with your history. I still find it amazing that the hybrids I adopted ended up being the same ones you would tell me about when we were kids, though,” he laughed.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty crazy coincidence, huh?” Jimin said.

Jin had been looking to be in thought for a little bit, and suddenly he spoke up. “If people she’s comfortable with help, then maybe we could see if Yoongi could come over too?”

You perked up at that, sitting up straighter.

“I think she likes that idea,” Jungkook chuckled.

“I could give him a call,” Hoseok offered. “See if he could come by one day. I’m sure he’d like to see how you guys are doing after everything he did for you.”

“Who’s Yoongi?” Jimin asked.

“He’s a worker from the shelter,” Hoseok responded. “From what Jin-hyung has told me, he was always really nice to them. And he also did a lot to make sure noona was safe, and that I got there to adopt her in time.”

“In time?” Jimin asked. “What happened?”

So you talked about some of your time at the shelter. About the employees who were rude and harsh with you. Yoongi who was a blessing in such a dark place. When Hoseok came to adopt Seokjin. When your date was moved up and Yoongi quickly worked to make sure they didn’t harm you.

Jimin and Jungkook were obviously sad to hear about how difficult of a time it was for you, but whenever you or Jin talked about Yoongi they smiled. Jimin commented about how kind he seemed and how glad he was that you had him there to help you through at least some of it. And more than anything, he was glad that you two were now safe, had a good home and a kind owner who he knew would take good care of you.

Jungkook was really sweet, as well. After you finished talking about the past, he started chatting a bit more. He was a little goofy and had an interesting sense of humor, and was really nice. It was a little surprising that he was so comfortable around two predator hybrids in what was technically their territory, but you had a feeling it had something to do with how at ease Jimin was with the two of you.

Jimin and Jungkook were obviously so happy with each other. When you and Seokjin had scented Jimin enough to make you feel better about missing him for so long and finally separated from his side later that evening, Jungkook remained glued to him. He seemed to be a bit careful to not completely cover up your scents, knowing that it was more of a family or pack thing for the two of you than anything else, but he most definitely became much more touchy with him.

Jungkook was really such a considerate mate. Especially with certain hybrid breeds, you would expect them to be very territorial and not like other hybrids’ scents on their mate no matter what. But probably from years of stories about how close Jimin was with you and Seokjin, he must have understood that there was no threat with you and accepted that you were essentially family, regardless if you had officially met prior to today.

With the comfort and ease of being reunited with Jimin, on top of Jungkook’s hospitality, you really did find it much easier to be more open with Hoseok. You all ate dinner at the table together, and at one point you had even sat next to Hoseok on the couch. You were all snuggled out then, so you didn’t look for any affection. And while he wasn’t tense or uncomfortable, he didn’t attempt to give you any either, probably wanting to make sure to not breach your boundaries.

Hoseok also contacted Yoongi in the evening, asking if he’d like to stop by sometime soon to see you and Seokjin. He had taken a while to respond back, but when he did you were thrilled for Hoseok to let you know that he said he’d love to stop by soon.

Despite digging into the parts of your past that you try not to think too hard about, today was easily the best day you’d had in so, so long. You had your brother, Jimin who you considered family and his mate, and your new kind owner all with you. Almost everyone who was family was there. It would have been perfect if only Yoongi was there, too.

Well, almost perfect. But you had accepted a while ago that the last three family you wished could be there were probably lost to you forever, no matter how much you craved to hold them in your arms.

After that day, you did find yourself opening up with Hoseok even more quickly. It was only two days later that you let him pet you for the first time. The following day when you unintentionally chuffed happily when he did it again. And by now, all three of you ate at the table together with no fuss or issues.

You found yourself feeling so much more relaxed at home, and it made you a lot happier. But, you still couldn’t ignore that you missed Yoongi a lot. Something about being apart from him for what was two weeks now was really getting to you, almost like a piece of yourself was missing.

You were also starting to feel really achy. You had mentioned it to Seokjin, and he said he’d been feeling the same. He figured at first that it was just him getting used to the new, actually comfortable bed, but it got a little worse every day. You thought maybe you should let Hoseok know, maybe something was wrong. But you didn’t want to impose on him, making him spend money on a hybrid vet for you.

Today the aches were really bad so you decided to take a nap, hoping you would feel better after some rest. You rarely took naps, usually just slept at night with your brother. But he wasn’t tired, so you napped by yourself while he was no doubt watching some show on TV as usual. When his comforting presence was next to you while sleeping, you didn’t have nightmares as frequently so you tried not to sleep without him very much now that you had the chance to. But today, you just felt like you couldn’t avoid it.

Unsurprisingly, the nightmares came. The most haunting memory from your time spent at the Hybrid House was what your mind chose to torment you with this time.

While unexpected, you were given a gift that you wanted to keep oh so badly. But you knew that they wouldn’t let you. You knew that once the time was up and the gift had arrived, it’d be ripped away from you just as quickly. You hoped to at least hold them, get your scent on them even a little. But no, they didn’t even allow you that.

As soon as the three little miracles arrived, they were ripped away from you. Despite your exhaustion, your insides screamed, your mind recognizing they were in danger and that you needed to protect them. You yelled for the people to give them back, to please not take them away. You promised to take good care of them, they wouldn’t get in the way.

But alas, there was only one reason you were allowed to even go through with this. And it most certainly wasn’t so that you could keep them.

Just as you had when it happened, you screamed and thrashed around in your nightmare. Yelling for them to bring them back, that you needed them. That they needed you.

You were abruptly woken up from the nightmare, but still so high on your emotions and disoriented, you didn’t comprehend that you were no longer in that place.

“My cubs! Bring my cubs back!” you wailed, thrashing for another moment before your eyes registered your surroundings.

Your heart began to slow down, realizing that there were no threats around, that you had been merely dreaming. You looked around you, expecting the hand on your shoulder that shook you awake to belong to Seokjin as it usually was. But when you turned to look, it wasn’t him that had woken you from your agitated dream state.

It was Yoongi.

Your eyes widened, realizing that he had heard you cry about cubs, and fear welled in you over the questions that were bound to come.

“It’s okay, Y/n,” he said, voice calm as he pulled you closer to him in a gentle but protective embrace. “You’re safe, no one is hurting you.”

“Wha-what are you doing here?” you asked.

“I had let Hoseok know earlier that I was able to come by today and he said that was fine,” Yoongi responded. “I’m sorry for shocking you. I guess he didn’t get to tell you.”

You breathed in his warm earthy scent that you had missed so much, letting it wash over you and calm you down. You let your senses fill with nothing but Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi, nearly forgetting about the memory you had just relived.

After a few minutes when Yoongi could tell you had calmed down enough, Yoongi loosened his grip enough to look you in the face. “What was your nightmare about?” he asked, his low timbre soft and relaxing. “You said something about cubs?”

You tensed back up a little, knowing you didn’t really have a way out of this. You nodded, not trusting your voice at the moment.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He ran one of his hands through your hair, scratching at the spot behind your ears that he knew would soothe and keep you relaxed.

You turned your head to hide your face in his chest again, unsure of how you wanted to answer.

Just a moment later, you heard someone else walk into the room, Seokjin’s citrus scent reaching your nose. “Is she okay?” he asked.

“I think so,” Yoongi responded. “She was definitely having a nightmare, but”- he hesitated for a brief moment –“she said something about… cubs? Do you know anything about that, hyung?”

You tilted your head up to look at your brother, his eyes meeting yours in a silent question. You hesitated still, so he remained silent as well.

Yoongi hummed. “Okay. I understand, it’s something that must be a sensitive topic, and based on the subject I don’t doubt it is. I won’t force you to talk about anything.” He let out a breath as he thought. “But I want you to know that if there’s something wrong, I might be able to help you. I understand if you don’t want to talk, but if you do then maybe it’s something I can help with.”

“Help?” Seokjin asked in a soft voice. “What do you mean help?”

“I came here because yes, I did want to see you guys and how you were doing,” Yoongi said, “but I also had something I wanted to tell you. I couldn’t risk saying anything while you were at the shelter, and had to make sure I could trust Hoseok first as well, but I’m positive that I can so now I wanted to explain something to you. Let me do that first, okay?” He turned back to you. “Then, if you decide after that that you want to tell me about your nightmare, then you can. But only if you want. Sounds good?”

You thought for a moment, eyes still on your brother who tightly smiled at you, before nodding.

“Okay,” Yoongi said. “How about we go out to the living room? I want to say this to Hoseok as well.”

You moved to stand up, Yoongi holding onto your hand to support you along the way, and Jin joining your other side with a hand on your back as you began walking out of the room.

“Is everything okay?” Hoseok asked, a concerned look on his face and standing up as you entered the living room.

“She had a nightmare,” Yoongi said, thankfully vaguely. “She’ll be fine.”

“Does that happen a lot?” Hoseok asked.

“Most nights,” Jin answered. “It’s not as bad now as before, when I’m there with her. But sometimes they are still bad.”

The three of you sat down together on the couch, your brother on one side of you and Yoongi on the other.

“But we’ll talk about that in a little bit, right noona?” Yoongi asked, hand returning to its place by your ears. You nodded in response. “I have something I actually wanted to talk to you about today,” Yoongi said.

“Oh, okay,” Hoseok said. “Sure, what’s up?”

“I wanted to tell you guys about my real job,” Yoongi said.

“Real job?” you asked. “What do you mean real job?”

He took in a breath before replying, “I don’t actually work for the shelter. I mean, I’m technically employed there, they think I work for them. But I don’t.”

Seokjin furrowed his eyebrows, expressing everyone’s confusion. “What do you mean you don’t work for them?”

“I’m there undercover,” Yoongi said. “My mission is to gather as much evidence as I can so that my real boss can submit a court case against the shelter and get it shut down.”

You were still pretty confused, but Hoseok seemed like he understood better than you, expression lighting up. “You mean, you work for one of those places that help hybrids? Like, rescue them from bad owners, shut down black markets and bad shelters, stuff like that?”

“Yes, exactly,” Yoongi confirmed. “Being in that place is absolute hell,” he said, rubbing his face. “I hate watching how they treat the hybrids there, and the people there are disgusting. Well, at least most of them. I think that the vet is being made to work there somehow based on what he said to me when I took Y/n there that day. And not everyone knows everything that goes on there. But I’m going to be so glad when I get enough evidence and don’t need to deal with those people anymore.”

“Oh, so you are there because you want to get them shut down?” you asked. “Because they’re bad?”

“Yes,” Yoongi said, turning to you. “That’s why I always seemed different than the others to you. Not every shelter is that bad, even the other ones that should be shut down as well. Most shelters have more people who are sympathetic and don’t treat hybrids like animals without even letting them be animals. But that one, it’s one of the worst in the region, and we’ve tried to get them shut down before but apparently didn’t have enough evidence to. So they sent me in to work from the inside and I’ve slowly been gathering evidence. You’d be surprised how hard it is to shut down these kinds of places. They need mountains of proof of abuse to even consider it.”

“So that’s why it’s taking so long then?” Seokjin supplied. “Because you’ve been there for at least a year.”

“Precisely. We think we almost have enough evidence. Once my boss tells me that I can get out of there, I’m booking it.”

“That explains why you worked so hard to make sure noona got out of there, too,” Hoseok added.

“No matter who it was, I would have tried my best to keep that from happening to them,” Yoongi answered. “But I won’t lie and say I didn’t develop a soft spot for Y/n.” He turned to you and smiled. “I call her my Daylily.”

You felt yourself blush at the admission. “I still don’t know what that means,” you mumbled.

“But I told you you’d have time to figure it out, didn’t I?”

You smiled, remembering how confident he was that you wouldn’t spend your last day in that shelter when you had given up all hope. “You did.”

“So, what I’m saying is that I work for a company that helps hybrids,” Yoongi summarized. He looked at you, conviction in his gaze. “If there’s hybrids in need then we want to help however we can. And if you know someone who needs help, I will do everything I can to see what we can do.”

You felt a lump in your throat. You knew what he was talking about. Your cubs. The cubs that you didn’t outright admit to having, but he must have been pretty sure exist after hearing you wake from your nightmare. Looking to your brother, you saw his eyes wide with hope, but he stayed silent, wanting you to take that first step to ask.

“My cubs,” you whispered, sure that it was quiet enough that Hoseok couldn’t hear. “You could find them?”

“Maybe,” Yoongi replied, rubbing comforting circles on your back with his hand. “I can’t say for sure, but I could let my team know that there are hybrid children in need. But if we’re going to look for them, I need you to give me as much information as possible.”

Your ears flattened to your head, unsure if you could talk about what happened. Looking to Jin for support, he offered you a soft smile and reached his hand out to grasp yours.

“Do you want me to tell him? And are you okay with Hoseok hearing?” Jin asked.

You bit your lip, anxious about anyone knowing at all, but knowing that it was best to tell them for the sake of your babies. You ultimately nodded, turning into your brother for comfort. This was something that you couldn’t get through without him.

He didn’t hesitate to pull you fully into his lap, you making yourself small as you tucked your legs in and hid your face in his neck, scenting him.

“We told Hoseok about this recently,” Jin started. “About our second owner. Where we were before we escaped and lived on the street for a bit. It was a Hybrid House.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened in shock before his mouth downturned, sadness dulling his scent. “I always wondered,” he mumbled. “I never wanted to ask.”

“We had to have been there a few years before it happened,” Jin said. “We told them that Y/n couldn’t take any male patrons, that she was too close to her breeding cycle. But the guy requesting her was a regular and she was his favorite. He always requested her, and wouldn't take anyone else. And they didn’t want to turn him away, so they took her to the room. There were always things for protection provided in the rooms, but customers rarely used them. Y/n told me she even asked him to, told him she was too close, but he didn’t care. He…. He hit her for even suggesting it.”

You could feel both Yoongi and Hoseok gradually tensing up as your brother talked, the former scooting a little closer to you to place a hand on your knee comfortingly.

There were many unpleasant memories from your time there, but most of them blurred together. A bunch of people who didn’t care if they hurt you, people who liked odd things that you were uncomfortable with but had to do anyway. People who intentionally hurt you. But that day will always remain separate in your mind. That was the day that you were bred.

“A week later, I could smell that she was pregnant,” Seokjin said. “We were so scared. We knew from the small interactions with others at the House that if that ever happened, they didn’t let it finish. There was no way of hiding it, but trying to tell a hybrid that they weren’t allowed to keep their babies rarely ever went over well. We decided that it was better if we told them sooner rather than later, make sure that Y/n at least wouldn’t be at risk of getting as hurt.

“But,” Seokjin continued, sighing shakily, “when we told them, they decided they weren’t going to do that. That they’d let her have the babies because we’re a highly sought after breed. They wanted her to have the babies so that they could take them away from her as soon as they were born and sell them.” You couldn’t help the tear that fell when your brother said it like that.

“And what’s even more sick is-“ he paused, glancing at you before he said what he wanted to. You knew what he was thinking about, his rising anger obvious to you. You nodded, letting him know it was okay to say. “They advertised her for the fact that she was pregnant. It was a thing some of the patrons liked and wanted her for. Even when she was close to finishing her term, they didn’t care. They still had her working.”

The anger in the room wasn’t only coming from your brother anymore, but also the two humans. It didn’t necessarily scare you since your natural instincts were to fight back in the case of an aggressive threat, but it did make you feel insecure and you curled up further.

“And just as they promised, once she delivered the babies, they were taken from her,” Jin pushed out through clenched teeth. “They didn’t let her scent them, or even hold them before they took them from her. Just took them to sell them off as soon as possible.” Seokjin took in a shaky breath. “We don’t know what happened to them.”

“How many?” Yoongi gently asked.

“Three,” you replied. “Two boys and a girl.”

Yoongi nodded before looking into your eyes. “I’m so sorry they did that to you. Places like that shouldn’t even exist, and no one ever has any right to forcibly take someone’s child away from them.” He breathed deeply, seeming to gather his emotions before he spoke again. “If we’re going to have any chance of finding them, I’ll need to know a rough time frame of when this happened. Your files say when you were transferred to this second owner, and when you were picked up off the street. But anything in between isn’t going to be there. How long before you guys escaped did you have the cubs?”

You thought for a moment. “I want to say it was probably about two months?”

Jin nodded. “That sounds about right. And then we were on the street for probably six months or so.”

“Okay so about eight months before you would have been taken to the shelter,” Yoongi summarized. “I can work with that. I’m assuming that the person who bought you from your first family used a false name to stay hidden since he was involved in a black market. But with that information and with my team, we may be able to trace it back to who it was and where this House may have been.” He paused, squeezing your leg a little tighter where his hand rested. “Thank you for telling me all this,” he said. “I promise that we’ll try to find them.”

“You will?” you asked, feeling emotional. Was it possible that you could really see your cubs again?

“I promise we’ll do our best,” Yoongi said.

You leapt out of Jin’s lap and into Yoongi’s, wrapping your arms around him tightly and scenting him out of gratitude. “Thank you, Yoongi. Thank you, thank you,” you mumbled, a few tears rolling down your cheeks as he held onto you to keep you from falling out of his lap.

You couldn’t believe that Yoongi, the angel that he was, could possibly give you the chance to find out what happened to your cubs, and maybe even the chance to see them once more. It was the best thing you could ever ask for.

“Anything for you, Daylily,” he whispered back, quietly enough that Hoseok wouldn’t have been able to hear.

Speaking of Hoseok, he hadn’t spoken for a while. You turned to look at him, seeing a really blank expression on his face with his fists clenched, bunching up the material of his pants.

Jin followed your gaze. “Hobi?” he asked.

“You didn’t deserve any of that,” Hoseok said quietly. “Neither of you deserve anything that you’ve been through. Being sold to that House, being forced onto the street because of it, the shelter… It all makes me so angry that humans thinking they’re so much better than hybrids causes so much unnecessary suffering with people who don’t deserve any of it.”

“That’s why I chose my job,” Yoongi said. “I couldn’t stand it so much that I wanted to do something to help. And unfortunately, we can’t save or help everyone, but we do our best. With the number of hybrids we’ve been able to help, seeing them go on to live happier, more fulfilling lives, it makes me feel like I have a purpose in the world. After hearing all of that, I’m infinitely happier that Hoseok adopted you two. You seem happy here.”

“We are,” Jin said. “It took Y/n a little bit to warm up to Hoseok, after everything that she’s been through and having trust issues with people that she needed to work past. But she’s much better now.”

“Trust issues with people?” Yoongi asked incredulously, pulling away from you a bit to look you in the face. “What trust issues? I mean yeah, she obviously had an issue with the shelter workers who mistreated her, but she never had any issues with me.”

Seokjin shrugged. “Who knows.”

“Maybe you’re ‘true mates,’” Hoseok mused.

You turned to him curiously. “True mates?”

“You don’t know what a true mate is?” Hoseok asked. “That’s what Jimin and Jungkook are. I had to look it up when they mentioned it, but basically from what I gathered, Jungkook could just feel that Jimin was his. He knew they were meant to be together. Said that it would feel like something important was missing when they were apart, even before they officially became mates.”

Your face scrunched as you thought. How could you tell if someone was your true mate? Yeah, you almost immediately warmed up to and trusted Yoongi and your feelings toward him very rapidly developed into something much less platonic. But you always just figured that you got used to him so easily because you so desperately needed the care and affection he offered. But then again, feeling like something was missing when you’re apart? Yeah, you most definitely felt that. You’d have to figure that out sometime, and hopefully soon. Maybe it was possible.

Done worrying about it for the moment, your mind returned to the present and you saw Yoongi looking at you curiously, as if he was trying to figure you out. Realizing you were still sitting in his lap, you tried to nonchalantly slide back onto the couch. Yoongi’s hold on you didn’t let go so easily, but he still made no move to stop you, letting you settle next to your brother once more.

“Oh yeah, maybe Yoongi could answer that question we had about the aches?” Seokjin asked, seeming to change the topic due to you being uncomfortable with continuing that last vein of thought.

“Aches?” Hoseok and Yoongi both asked at the same time.

“Yeah,” Jin continued. “Y/n and I have been feeling achy, kind of sore all over after coming here. We’re not sure why, but we can’t seem to get rid of it. Sometimes it’s really bad.”

Next to you, Yoongi seemed to be deep in thought.

“Maybe I should take you guys to the hybrid vet,” Hoseok said.

“No!” you countered. “I don’t want to trouble you with that.”

“It’s not a problem, Y/n,” Hoseok insisted. “You’re my responsibility and I wouldn’t want you to be sick or anything. If something’s wrong, I’d rather you get checked out.”

“Really, I’m sure it’s no big deal,” you said.

“Have you guys shifted recently?” Yoongi asked.

“Shifted?” Jin asked. “What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean?” Yoongi asked, looking confused. “Have you guys shifted at all lately?”

“We don’t know what you mean by shifted,” you responded.

Yoongi opened and closed his mouth before turning to Hoseok.

“Can they shift?” Hoseok asked.

“Yes,” Yoongi said. “Didn’t the shelter tell you they’re natural hybrids?”

“No, they never said anything,” Hoseok responded.

“Natur- what?” You and Seokjin were utterly confused at this point.

Yoongi raised his eyebrows at you. “You guys don’t know?” When you continued to look at him like he grew an extra head, he sighed. “I can’t believe you’re fully adult hybrids and have never been told, or even seen it, especially since you lived on the street for a bit. Didn’t you feel achy when you lived on your own, too?”

“I mean, yeah,” Seokjin shrugged. “But we were sleeping on the hard ground so we figured that was to be expected.”

“Okay, history and biology lesson time then,” Yoongi said, turning fully to face the both of you. “There are two kinds of hybrids. The first, naturally occurring hybrids that have been around for a long time and eventually started to integrate in human society, which obviously hadn’t gone that great for them, but that’s a story for another time. And two, the kind that crazy scientists created from experimenting, attempting to replicate the already existing natural hybrids.

“Natural hybrids,” Yoongi continued, “can shift between the form you’re currently in and one that fully resembles their animal counterpart. And hybrids who were created from a lab, or descended from those created in a lab, are incapable of shifting since humans couldn’t replicate the shifting process in their experiments. You guys”—he gestured between you and Seokjin—“are in the first category. Your lineage is descended from natural hybrids.”

Your eyes widened. “What? We can become full-on tigers?!”

“Well, you can shift into one, yes,” Yoongi said. “Technically you’re still a hybrid no matter which form you take. When you shift, you’d appear exactly as a tiger but maintain your more abstract human traits, like your conscience and emotional intelligence. And when you’re in this current form, you can’t get rid of your tails or ears, but otherwise appear almost entirely human except for those animal traits, as well as retaining your natural instincts based on your breed and heightened senses.”

Both you and Jin remained silent for a few moments as you digested the information. Eventually, your brother was the one to break it. “How come we never knew? And how do you know we are natural hybrids?”

Yoongi pulled out his phone and started searching for something while he talked. “Well the first one, I’m not quite sure. But I’d assume it has something to do with the fact that you’ve been living in places that supplied you with medication that suppressed your need and ability to shift. There was a pill you were given at the shelter, which I assume you’ve been given since your first owners… Ah, this one.” He turned the phone around, the image of a particular pill you were very familiar with on the screen.

You nodded. “Yeah, we’ve always been given those. Before we were adopted, and at the Hybrid House, too.”

Yoongi visibly cringed when you mentioned the House. “Yeah, I’m not surprised. But these pills, their job is to suppress your natural need and urge to shift. Now that you’re off of them, I’m guessing your bodies are aching because they feel the need to let out your tiger half. Which wouldn’t surprise me, if you’ve spent I’m assuming your whole lives in this form.”

“Okay, that would make sense,” Jin said. “But how did you know we’re natural hybrids?”

“For two reasons. One, because I know you had been given this pill at the shelter. And two, it’s on your files, which I have seen. And that Hoseok should have seen.” Yoongi turned to look at the mentioned human, you and Jin following his lead.

“What?” the human practically squeaked. “No, they didn’t give me their files when I adopted them. I asked for them and they said they’d get them to me, but I still haven’t gotten them.”

Yoongi sighed. “This shelter, I swear… Took, what? Three weeks to get Seokjin’s file updated with his new owner information, didn’t let the person who was adopting two natural tiger hybrids know that they even were natural, and now they didn’t even give you their files? I can’t wait for this place to get shut down.”

“So, I guess they should probably shift now and then, huh?” Hoseok said.

“Yeah, that would be best,” Yoongi said. “Unless you want to put them on the medica-”

“No, definitely not,” Hoseok interrupted. “I don’t believe in that stuff. If they can shift, they should shift.”

“Okay, well that’s a relief to hear, I won’t lie,” Yoongi said.

“But how?” you asked. “How are we supposed to shift?”

“It’s tricky for me to explain since I’m not a hybrid,” Yoongi said before taking a moment to think. “Hoseok, did you mention a bit ago about another hybrid you know? Is he a natural hybrid?”

“Who? Jungkook?” Hoseok asked. “Yeah, he’s my friend Jimin’s mate. He’s a natural hybrid. Jimin also happens to be the son from Y/n and Jin’s first family.”

“Oh,” Yoongi said, blinking a few times. “Are you… on good terms?”

“Yes,” Seokjin answered. “He’s like family to us.”

“Oh okay, good,” Yoongi said. “Well, maybe he could help explain it to you guys. I would suck at explaining it, seeing as I’m human and have no idea what it feels like to shift.”

“Okay, we’ll ask him,” you said.

“Well, I’m glad that I was able to get that cleared up,” Yoongi said. “It was a really good thing I came by. I’m glad you guys are doing well, that you’re happy with Hoseok.” Yoongi’s eyes met yours, his expression hard to read and making you wonder what he was thinking. “Make sure to talk to this Jungkook soon about shifting, okay? And I’m going to be talking to my team first thing tomorrow about your cubs, Y/n. I can’t guarantee we’ll find anything, but I promise that we’ll do our absolute best. I would love to stay, but I do have a lot of stuff to do for the case against the shelter, so I have to go.”

“Would you be able to come by again?” you asked, not sure how you’d feel if he said no.

“Of course,” he responded easily, giving you a soft smile. “I’d love to see you again soon. I don’t know when I can, but I’ll keep in touch with Hoseok.”

“Sounds good,” your owner chimed in.

Yoongi gave you and Jin each one last scratch at the ears as he said goodbye. Maybe you imagined it, but you felt like he lingered on yours a little bit longer.

Just as he was opening the door, you suddenly remembered something. “Oh! Yoongi!” you called out. He turned around, looking at you curiously. “How’s Taehyung?”

“He’s good,” Yoongi answered. “I let him know as soon as you were adopted. He cried another river in relief that you were okay. He says he feels a bit more lonely now, but I’m making sure to keep close to him.”

“What will happen to him when the shelter is shut down?” Jin asked.

Yoongi pursed his lips. “I’m not sure. I’m hoping to have a potential owner lined up for him by then. If not, then he’ll probably end up in another shelter like most of the other hybrids there will be. A good shelter, one that won’t see them as disposable.”

You weren’t sure what kind of answer you were looking for, but just knowing he was okay made relief wash over you. “Tell him we say hi?” you asked.

Smiling Yoongi said, “Definitely.” And then, he was out the door.

You already missed him.

You definitely had questions other than the shifting to ask Jungkook about.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Tags: @aroseforyoongi​ @shadowsremedy​

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[magic-is-something-we-create]

Happy WBW! I love how thought out your magic system is! Can you talk more about Dualmages, Flexing and the combination of Fire and Water magic? @writingonesdreams

hi!! happy wbw to you, too!! and thank you so much, i've been working on this world and its magic systems for years, and im glad it shows!!! :D

this got really long, but i tried to make it engaging and hope you enjoy anyway!!

So, the first and most important thing for all of these topics: Flexing.

Flexing is basically a magical equivalent to hysterical strength - in particularly extreme situations, where emotions and adrenaline run high and death is likely, a magic user of any kind (in the case of this ask, an Elementalist) will exert improbable and self-destructive amounts of power in a last-ditch effort to survive or keep their loved ones safe. It's a relatively rare occurrence, and a lot of Flexes leave the user on the edge of death anyway with very slim chances of survival, as Elementalism drains you the same way existing does (drains calories, dehydrates, and makes you tired even in normal use).

As such, it's an area that (in-universe) hasn't been studied or understood very well!

However, one of the more well-documented side affects of Flexing can include a mage of one kind (say, for example, Air) being so desperate to use a different Element (how about Water?) in the moment that they brute force their way into an affinity with it (for context, Ehlves are the only natural Elementalists, and each Ehlf is born with a single leaning that will usually never change).

In this example, the Flexer is still an Air mage, but after surviving and recovering from this ordeal, they can also now magically manipulate Water! They are a Dualmage, a very rare example of the quirks of Ehl's magic.

Now, when I said that a Fire + Water Dualmage wasn't actually possible, I meant it.

There's this concept I've been building up for a short while now that I'm calling Elemental Distance, and it's based on the color wheel and complimentary color palettes. In essence, the 9 Elements are arranged into a wheel and a triangle (bc odd numbers and no direct opposites for those three in particular) and those on opposite sides of each other are mutually exclusive. A born Fire mage will never be able to use the Water, as they are simultaneously too similar (they are "sensed" in the same way; both are capable of manipulating the temperature around them in either direction) and too combative (water will douse fire; fire will evaporate water) to work together.

Now, there are also 3 Allmages in the Ehlverse: the Eternals. Veratrum and Tieling, specifically, are Ehlves, and as such were born with unambiguous Elemental leanings.

Tieling was an Air mage before he was Eternal. Because of this, he cannot magically manipulate Stone. Period. He can, however, use every other Element, regardless of their opposites (e.g. he can magically light a brazier at the same time as he magically pulls condensation from the air). This lore gets into spoiler territory for the story itself, but suffice it to say his mind was forced to adjust to use opposing magics.

The third Eternal, Arthur, is a human. He was born with no Elemental leanings because of this, and as such, can use any Element. Though all of them are difficult (because his mind and body weren't meant to use them), and some more so than others (he particularly struggles with Plant and Metal), it is possible.

Other quirks of Flexing similar to Dualmages include magic users of one kind (e.g. Elementalists) gaining the ability to use a completely different kind of magic that they didn't have before, but isn't mutually exclusive (e.g. Shifting, Sorcery)!! (People can naturally be Shifters and Elementalists, but this is specifically in reference to activation post-Flex.)

I'm going to stop myself there, but if you'd like a visual representation of the Elemental distance circle, let me know!! I've been meaning to make one anyway :D

[nordleuchten]

La Fayette and the Battle of Brandywine

On September 11, 1777, things were not looking well for the Continental Army. They were engaged in a battle that would later be known as the Battle of Brandywine. They faced the British army under the command of General Lord Cornwallis and soon the American troops were retreating in an unorderly fashion. Enter the youngest Continental general, the Marquis de La Fayette. He had just turned 20 a few days before the battle and had virtually no experience on the battlefield. He was determined though to do something and to rally the retreating soldiers. He was shot in the leg trying to achieve this and his injury was only one of the ways he would eventually cemented his place in the heart of a whole nation. Let us have a closer look at La Fayette’s wound on this anniversary of the battle.

La Fayette wrote in his Memoirs about his wound:

(…) the confusion became extreme; and it was whilst M. de Lafayette was rallying the troops that a ball passed through his leg; -- at that moment all those remaining on the field gave way. M. de Lafayette was indebted to Gimat, his aide-de-camp, for the happiness of getting upon his horse. General Washington arrived from a distance with fresh troops; M. de Lafayette was preparing to join him, when loss of blood obliged him to stop and have his wound bandaged; he was even very near being taken. Fugitives, cannon and baggage now crowded without order into the road leading to Chester. The general employed the remaining daylight in checking the enemy: some regiments behaved extremely well, but the disorder was complete. During that time the ford of Chad was forced, the cannon taken, and the Chester road became the common retreat of the whole army. In the midst of that dreadful confusion, and during the darkness of the night, it was impossible to recover; but at Chester, twelve miles from the field of battle, they met with a bridge which it was necessary to cross; M. de Lafayette occupied himself in arresting the fugitives; some degree of order was re-established; the generals and the commander-in-chief arrived, and he had leisure to have his wound dressed. (…) M. de Lafayette having been conveyed by water to Philadelphia, was carefully attended to by the citizens, who were all interested in his situation and extreme youth. That same evening the congress determined to quit the city: a vast number of the inhabitants deserted their own hearths -- whole families, abandoning their possessions, and uncertain of the future, took refuge in the mountains. M. de Lafayette was carried to Bristol; in a boat he there saw the fugitive congress, who only assembled again on the other side of the Susquehannah; he was himself conducted to Bethlehem a Moravian establishment, where the mild religion of the brotherhood, the community of fortune, education, and interests amongst that large and simple family formed a striking contrast to scenes of blood, and the convulsions occasioned by a civil war.

A few things to add to this little excerpt. La Fayette was quite lucky, because the musket ball had hit the fleshy part of the calf without damaging nerve or bone. In the medical world of the 18th century, especially a damaged bone would have led to a certain amputation of the limp. But La Fayette was indeed quite lucky. There is a bit of a discussion about the “true” extend of La Fayette’s injury because he tended to drastically downplay serious illnesses and injuries (while he would do the exact opposite with minor illnesses and injuries). Later in life, he also mentioned that without the good care of the Moravian sisters, he would have lost his leg - thus leading some people to believe that the injury was worse than he presented it. There is however no real evidence to support this theory, neither coming from La Fayette nor from anybody else.

Another interesting side note, the founders of the Moravian settlement came from the same region that La Fayette was later imprisoned in - from the region were Olmütz was at.

The sash that was used for the initial dressing of the wound has survived and is now displayed in the Fraunces Tavern Museum. I wrote about the sash here.

On the day of the battle, George Washington send some sort of “after action report” to John Hancock, who was then the President of the Continental Congress. In his letter, Washington also mentioned La Fayette:

The Marquis La Fayette was wounded in the leg, & General Woodford in the hand. Divers other officers were wounded, & some slain; but the numbers of either cannot now be ascertained.

But Washington was not the only one who wrote letters, La Fayette wrote letters as well that detailed his wound. He wrote his wife Adrienne a day after the battle on September 12, 1777:

While I was trying to rally them, the English honored me with a musket shot, which wounded me slightly in the leg. But the wound is nothing, dear heart; the ball hit neither bone nor nerve, and all I have to do for it to heal is to lie on my back for a while-which puts me in very bad humor. I hope, dear heart, that you will not worry; on the contrary, you should be even less worried than before, because I shall now be out of action for some time. I intend to take good care of myself; you may be sure of that, dear heart. This battle will, I fear, have unpleasant consequences for America; we must try to repair the damage, if we can. You must have received many letters from me, unless the English are as hostile to my letters as to my legs. I have received only one from you so far, and I long for news.

He wrote his wife again on October 1, 1777 from Bethlehem:

To put the best face on it, I could tell you that mature reflection had induced me to remain in my bed for several weeks, sheltered from all danger. But I must admit that I was invited to stay there because of a very slight wound in the leg. I do not know how I received it; in truth, I did not expose myself to enemy fire. It was my first battle, so you see how rare battles are. It is the last of this campaign, or at least the last big battle, it appears. If any other action occurs here, you see that I could not be present. Consequently, my dear heart, I take pleasure in reassuring you that you have no need to worry. While I tell you not to worry about me, I tell myself that you love me, and this little conversation with my heart pleases it very much, for it has never loved you more tenderly.

The day after that battle, my first thought was to write to you. I told you then that the wound was nothing, and I was right. The only thing I fear is that you have not received that letter, for if, when General Howe gives his master the king some slightly inflated details about his exploits in America, he reports me wounded, he could just as well report me killed. That would cost him nothing. I hope that my friends, and you especially, my dear heart, will never believe the reports of those people who last year even dared to print a story that General Washington and all his general officers were in a boat that capsized and all of them were drowned.

But we were speaking of my wound; the ball passed through the flesh and touched neither bone nor nerve. The surgeons are astonished by the rate at which it heals; they are in ecstasy every time they dress it, and maintain that it is the most beautiful thing in the world. I myself find it very foul, very tedious, and rather painful; there is no accounting for tastes. But, finally, if a man wished to be wounded just for his own amusement, he should come and see my wound and have one just like it. There, dear heart, you have the story of what I pompously call my wound, to give myself airs and to make myself interesting.

Now, since you are the wife of an American general officer, I must give you some instructions. People will say to you: “They have been beaten.” You will reply: “That is true, but between two armies of equal size, in open country, old soldiers have the advantage over new ones; besides, the Americans had the satisfaction of killing many more of the enemy than they lost.”

This letter is just so quintessential La Fayette! The way he wrote that he did not know how he even was injured in the first place, his statement that battles are oh so rarely and that he is perfectly safe, him getting completely side-tracked in the middle of the letter and finishing with his “instructions” to Adrienne (who still went on after that). But best of all is the opening line of the letter:

I wrote to you, dear heart, on the twelfth of September; the twelfth is the day after the eleventh

Yes La Fayette, that is true - but also very obvious, but thank you for pointing that out again :-)

He wrote his wife a last time regarding his injury on November 6, 1777. By that time he had actually already returned to the army (October) and had resumed active service.

You may receive this letter, my dear heart, in five or six years, for I am writing you by an indirect route, which I don't know much about. (…) All my other dispatches have informed you of the remaining events of the campaign. The Battle of Brandywine, where I cleverly left a little bit of my leg; the occupation of Philadelphia, which is so far from having the ill consequences of which they are persuaded in Europe; an unsuccessful attack on the camp at Germantown, in which I didn't participate because I had very recently been wounded (…)

I again included the opening sentence, not because it is of any merit for the topic, but because he is simply too good to be left out.

[apocalypseornaw]

Real Feelings

For the square *fake dating* on @girl-next-door-writes bingo

You pulled up to the newest construction site and parked next to Bobby’s truck. Him and Dean would be around here somewhere Ellen had tasked you with delivering the crew’s lunch order from the diner. You stepped out the truck then leaned back in to grab the box that held the food. When you heard someone call your name you nearly dropped the box. It was Micheal, your ex boyfriend who you’d been engaged to for a short time until he’d broken it off because in his words “This will never work out and it’ll cause less heartbreak now” you hadn’t seen him in a few years. 

You plastered a smile on your face as he moved to help you grab the box “Hi Michea! How have you been, what are you doing here?” he motioned around the lot “I’m here to meet with Dean and Bobby.They found a way to work around a design flaw I didn’t think about. What are you doing here?” you motioned to the box in your hand “Ellen, Bobby’s wife asked me to bring lunch” 

He smiled and waved a hand towards the trailers that held the temp offices “Then we’re headed in the same way. How’ve you been?” you nodded “Can’t complain, you?” he ran a hand across the back of his neck and you knew that as a tell he was nervous about something so when he started the next sentence with “Well actually I was going to call you” your stomach knotted. Why was he calling you? “Because?” you questioned so he grinned “I’m getting married. It’s a whole thing that’ll be up in the mountains. Charity, you remember Charity don’t you?” you nodded because yes you did in fact remember Charity. She was the greek goddess Micheal had met a few months after your split. She was gorgeous and sweet enough to meet sugar in her mouth. “Well she wanted to know if you’d like to come. Now it’ll not just be the wedding. My father is having a grand opening of the resort we’re using as well so there’ll be plenty of activities to do. You always did love the snow”

You walked up the steps next to him and knew your emotions were plainly written across your face because the next thing he added rather quickly was “And of course, if you’re seeing someone he can come along as well” you wracked your brain thinking of anyone you could use to keep from looking like you hadn’t gone this long without a lasting relationship considering he was getting married for real this time. “I’ll have to talk with him” you replied and could see his eyebrows go up slightly “Anyone I know?” you stepped into the door and as you did blurted out the only name that popped into your head “I’m actually seeing Dean” Micheal stopped in his tracks “Winchester?”  you breathed a sigh of relief to see Dean wasn’t in the office yet then nodded “Yeah about a year now” “Can’t say I’m surprised” he muttered and you were about to ask why when the door opened to Dean walking in.

“Hey baby!” you called moving to hug him then whispered in his ear “For the love of god go along with it. I’ll owe you” he gave you a look but pressed a quick kiss to your cheek “Hey to you too sweetheart” then nodded to Micheal “Hey man” you knew Dean was probably wondering what was really going on considering he was watching you as you laid his and Bobby’s food down then walked out to take the other food to the crew. Bobby had joined him and Micheal by then so Dean excused him by saying “Bobby I’m gonna walk Y/N. Make sure she’s wearing her hardhat this time” Bobby nodded then turned his attention back to the plans he was showing Micheal.

------

Once you and Dean were outside he cut his eyes at you and took one of the boxes out of your hand “So darling, when did we start seeing each other?” you grimaced then explained “I’m so sorry but he caught me by surprise. I didn’t know this was one of his dad’s builds then he’s talking about the fact that him and Charity are getting married and he’s inviting me and my boyfriend and honestly? With the exception of Bobby and Sam I don’t really hang out with that many guys besides you” you quickly explained the weekend Micheal and Charity had planned heading up to their big day.

He was silent for a few moments then shrugged “Is it paid?” “What?” you asked in confusion so he clarified “Is it paid? Like we show up and enjoy this brand spanking new resort in the mountains, get our food cooked for us. Our rooms cleaned for us and all we have to do in return is sit through your douchey ex getting married?” You nodded slowly and he smirked “I say let’s do it. I think it’d be fun and besides when’s the last time either of us had a vacation, let alone one we didn’t have to foot out an armload for?”

You opened your mouth then shut it just as quickly “Well I gotta go after I get this food to the crew but if you’re sure, tell him yes” he winked at you then took the other box from your hands “Go on and get back to Ellen because I fully expect my girl to have some new outfits before we show up to this destination wedding” you rolled your eyes at him then playfully swatted his ass “I’ll see what I can managed sugar”

------

The closer the weekend of the wedding got the more you wanted to back out. You and Micheal still had a lot of mutual friends and those mutual friends also knew Dean, Sam, Bobby and the entire bunch. There was bound to either be awkwardness or the horror of Micheal finding out you lied. Any time you bought the worry up to Dean he’d wave it off with the logic of “We know damn near everything about each other sweetheart. Hell you crashed at my place after you two split until we got you into your loft. We’re comfortable with casual touch. He’ll never know”

------

Before you knew it the wedding weekend had sprung up on you. You were curled up in the passenger seat of Dean’s truck as he drove following the directions Micheal and Charity had included in with every invitation. Normally he’d drive his impala but considering this was a trip into the mountains you both decided it would be better to take the truck.

“So do you know about our room situation?” he asked, breaking the silence in the cab of the truck. You shrugged “Charity got a headcount and they blocked off that many rooms. Considering they think we’re a couple you’re fine sharing with me aren’t you?” “Of course, sweetheart. Even if you do snore” he teased with a wink. You shook your head and reached up to turn the radio up slightly and smiled when he started to sing along with the song “Bad moon rising” 

------

“Wake up Y/N. We’re here” Dean called shaking your leg closest to him. You sat up and nearly told him to turn the truck around. Yes the resort was gorgeous but the reality of going to your ex-fiance’s wedding was starting to set in. Dean reached across the console and grabbed your hand “Hey fake boyfriend or not I’m really here to back you up. I won’t leave your side all weekend unless you tell me to ok?” you managed a smile then questioned “What if you see a hot bridesmaid?” he shrugged “I’ll get their number for later” “DEAN!” you scolded causing him to crack up laughing “See? Changed your mood that quick” You rolled your eyes but grabbed your bag and followed him once he was parked.

The interior of the resort had a nice almost rustic feel to it. A large fireplace was roaring in the center of the lobby and you grabbed Dean’s arm to pull him along with you to check it out. “You’re already smiling. It won’t be that bad” you turned to tell him that five minutes in versus an entire weekend was too different things but stopped when you heard an accented voice call both of your names. You looked up to see Benny and his sister Elizabeth walking towards you. “Benny” you greeted with a smile as the two of you hugged. Once you pulled away from him you greeted Elizabeth in much the same fashion. 

“So Dean, brother I hear you finally managed to wrangle this one” Benny asked with a smirk. Your eyes widened at his wording..what did he mean by finally? You chose not to ask considering you’d told Micheal the two of you had been together for nearly a year. Dean, ever the fast talker, simply slid an arm around your waist and winked at Benny “Things worth having take time don’t they?” you could feel a blush threatening to warm your cheeks and shot Elizabeth a grateful smile when she said “Leave her be boys. Y/N we need to catch up but for now I’ll drag my brother away so the two of you can get checked in and squared away”

After the two of them had walked off you looked at Dean who still had his arm around you holding you close to his side “What did Benny mean?” he shrugged “Who knows with Benny?” then moved to grab your bags then nodded towards the front desk “Let’s get checked in”

------

Your room was on the third floor so you took the nearest elevator up and thankfully it was empty. You leaned your head back against the wall then rolled it over to look at Dean silently cursing yourself for ever putting the two of you in this situation. You weren’t exactly ugly but damn the man looked like a walking wet dream when he was doing the most mundane tasks and you knew for a fact the suit he had brought for the ceremony was a Tom Ford black herringbone three piece. You’d seen him in it twice before and every woman and a good amount of the men in the nearest vicinity looked like they’d throw themselves under a bus to have a chance to see him without it and now here you were having to play it off like you had. “You’re thinking loud enough to give me a migraine” he spoke pushing off the wall when the elevator came to a stop. You shrugged “Just thinking how many more people are we gonna know that’s here, meaning how many are gonna ask about us being together after this weekend” “Let’s enjoy this weekend then we’ll worry about the rest” he replied with a wink motioning for you to step off first when the doors opened.

You checked the room numbers until you got to yours. You slid the key card in then stepped inside opening the door further for Dean since he’d insisted to carry your bags too because in his words “Yes you are more than capable but dammit I am a loving fake boyfriend”  You were in the living room area of the suit and it was nice, had a small couch against one wall with two overstuffed chairs sitting across the room next to a fireplace and a large tv on one wall. Dean let out a low whistle and sat your bags down in front of the couch “So far, so good. Want to check out the bedroom?” you ignored the warmth in your face to follow him to the bedroom door and cursed under your breath when you saw the kingsize bed. “I’ll um take the couch” you offered but he raised an eyebrow “We’re adults Y/N. I think we can share a bed. Besides this thing is big enough we won’t even be near each other unless we want to” he added a smirk at the end and you rolled your eyes feeling some of your nerves start to melt away at the simple fact of Dean being Dean.

 “Fine but you snore and I’ll put a pillow over your face” he nodded “Fair enough” then grabbed your hand “Get a thicker jacket on. We’re gonna go check out the grounds” you didn’t have time to argue before he was pulling your jacket out of one of your bags and slipping it onto your arms. 

------

The two of you spent a few hours simply walking the different paths around the resort. Dean was always big on the outdoors and you loved the snow so it was something that you both found joy in. You ended up taking several photos of wildlife including a squirrel that took a liking to Dean.

When the sun started to shift in the sky you tried and failed to hide a shiver from Dean. He was immediately pulling his gloves off and holding them out to you. “I think that’s our clue to head back” you slid the gloves on then nodded “Yeah”

You walked along next to him and was a bit surprised when he reached out to lace his fingers in with yours. You glanced down at your intertwined hands and he shrugged “That way we keep both of our hands halfway defrosted” you bit your lip to try to hide the smile you had at the action. What the hell were you doing to yourself? You had simply tried to duck out of an awkward conversation with an ex and were now risking one of the closest friendships you had.

Your attention was drawn by Elizabeth’s voice. You looked up about the time the brunette nearly barreled into you “Liz! Calm down honey. What is it?” you questioned. She cut her eyes at Dean then smiled sweetly “Stand right there Dean. I won’t keep her long” Dean had a curious look but nodded nonetheless.

You let her pull you a couple feet from Dean before asking “What is going on?” “Lisa is here” you felt your heart hit your feet at that. Lisa was Dean’s ex and the closest he’d ever gotten to marriage. She’d played him dirty though by using her son Ben as a bargaining chip. Once Ben got old enough to go off to school she’d lost that chip but you knew Dean’s feelings for her had in fact been very real. “Oh” you said softly which caused Elizabeth to shake your arms roughly “Oh? Oh as in you aren’t worried or oh as in I should start a fight with her sister just to give you an excuse to knock her out?” You let out a surprised laugh at her offer then said “Oh as in I’m not worried” you looked over your shoulder at Dean who waved when he saw he had your attention then added softly “Not very worried anyways”

-----

Elizabeth went in search of Benny so you and Dean headed back inside. He was asking if you wanted to hit the dining area or just get room service. You wanted to go ahead and tell him Lisa was here but if everything was going to implode you might as well enjoy a little before it did right? “I’m thinking room service and maybe some horror movies?” you suggested as the two of you walked towards the elevators. He pulled you into his side and left a kiss on your temple “That’s my girl!”

------

You left ordering the food up to Dean while you took a shower and you started to wonder if you should regret that decision when you walked into the living room. He had a fire going and there were plates on nearly every surface. “Are we barricading ourselves in here? Did the apocalypse start while I was in the shower and if so can I claim Daryl?” He looked up from scrolling through the movie options to laugh humorlessly “First off I’m like so much better looking than him and I just decided that we’d try a little bit of everything in case the rest of the weekend gets to be too much and your stomach does that nervous thing where you can’t eat without getting queasy” 

Damn he remembered that? Guess it shouldn’t surprise you but even Micheal had never paid too much mind to that. “Well in that case pick the first movie and let’s get this marathon started”

------

Dean knew you’d never make it through the entire list of movies the two of you had picked. Halfway through the Texas chainsaw massacre you were curled up next to him with your head laid over on his shoulder. He missed times like this. After you and Micheal had first split and you stayed with him this was a weekly occurrence. The two of you would stay up most saturday nights, watching the cheesiest horror movies and eating the weirdest take out you could.  You’d always fall asleep on him and he would always just get comfortable and sleep on the couch as well to have you close to him. His feelings for you had already been apparent by the time him and Lisa finally called it quits but you’d been with Micheal. After the breakup he hadn’t wanted to be seen as trying to take advantage so he was content with the best friend role. He’d date and see you date but would always hold his breath when you’d hit the couple weeks mark with whatever idiot you’d be currently seeing in hopes you’d kick the guy to the curb and you always did. 

When this weekend had come up you’d expected him to laugh at the idea but he’d jumped at. Maybe if he had some alone time with you in a place as gorgeous as this he could finally put words to his feelings and maybe just maybe you felt the same.

------

Waking up on the couch with Dean’s arms around you felt like a dream until you remembered just why the two of you were here and what Elizabeth had told you the night before. You turned to look up at him and smiled seeing his face so relaxed. His mouth was open just slightly and his hair was tousled from moving around in his sleep. You weren’t sure how long you’d been staring at him when a smirk slipped onto his face “Staring is a little creepy honey” you rolled your eyes and slowly started to sit up “I wasn’t staring I was simply making sure you weren’t drooling on me”

He opened one eye and smiled at you “Are you asking me to get bodily fluid on you?” “I swear to christ Dean!” you scolded but he started laughing and pulled you back down next to him “Shh go back to sleep. Breakfast runs for another two hours and there’s no wedding stuff until the snowmobile ride around one then the dinner at seven” You cut your eyes up at him and took a deep breath before saying “I need to tell you why Elizabeth found me last night”

He sat up slowly opening both eyes and yawned “I’m guessing not just to get help burying Benny in snow?” you shook your head “Um well you know a lot of our friend groups and Micheal’s are intertwined” he nodded so you finally bit the bullet “Lisa is here” “Oh” he stood up off the couch rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. There were too many emotions playing through his eyes to pick out just one so you took the opportunity to say “I’m gonna grab a shower. Charity asked for some of the female guests to come pick out corsages so none of us are left without flowers so I’m going to meet up with Liz to do that”

You quickly walked out the room before Dean could see the look in your eyes at his reaction upon hearing Lisa was at the resort. Well at least thursday had been fun. You simply had today and tomorrow to get through then sunday you could head home.

------

By the time you got out the shower Dean was sitting on the foot of the bed with his toiletry bag next to him so he could shower next. He glanced up when you walked out and smiled “So are you and Liz gonna meet up with me and Benny for breakfast or are we left up to our own devices?” you shrugged and grabbed your thinner jacket since you planned to be indoors until the snowmobiling later. “Why don’t you two go without us and we’ll meet up later?” “You don’t think I’m gonna leave you high and dry just because Lisa is here..do you?” you opened your mouth to reply but someone was on your side because Elizabeth chose that moment to text your phone “I’m outside your room babe” you showed him the phone and he nodded “Find me after you pick flowers..please?” you smiled “Of course” then nearly ran out the room.

------

You forced a smile onto your face as you followed Elizabeth into the room where Charity had the florists set up. You really did think it was a cute idea that she didn’t want any woman in attendance to be without flowers even though it was her big day.

You stopped the moment you stepped into the room and spotted Lisa talking to Charity’s sister Alice. “Well look what the cat dragged in” Elizabeth muttered under her breath and you bit your lip to hide the smile “Let’s just check in with Charity, pick our flowers and get the hell out of here” she nodded looping her arm in with yours. The two of you headed for the table lined with daisies,sunflowers and lilies. “What were you thinking?” she asked, picking up one of the flowers off the table. You shrugged “Something simple Liz, my dress is dark blue and Dean’s suit is black” “Is it the three piece Tom Ford number? He always did look amazing in that?” Lisa’s voice came from behind you and you felt your spine stiffen at her voice.

Elizabeth cut her eyes at you as you turned to face Lisa with a smile on your face “Matter of fact it is. Nice to see you again Lisa. How’s Ben?” her smile faltered slightly at your mention of him. “He’s doing fine, can I ask you one thing?” you nodded slowly “Even if I say no you’re gonna talk anyways so I might as well agree to it to keep things civil for Charity and Micheal’s sake”

You saw Elizabeth move out the corner of your eye coming to stand directly next to you and you then realized Lisa’s sister Tabitha had come to stand behind her. You weren’t doing this. You and Micheal had ended on a good note, Charity was a good person and you were going to have to be pushed really far to act stupid during their weekend. “Were you screwing him when I was with him or did you just wait until Micheal woke up about you?” “You know what Lisa..” Elizabeth started but was stopped by Alice stepping between you and Lisa “Braeden, Y/N is a guest here same as you are. If the two of you have issues with each other we have a big resort here take it outside or get over it”

You stared Lisa down as you told Alice “I have no problem. I’m here for Micheal and Charity. They invited me” Lisa plastered one of those smiles that could only be described as how Lucifer smiled at Eve in the garden “No issue from me either” Alice nodded and smiled at you “How have you been Y/N? Did you and Elizabeth find the flowers you wanted?” you shook your head still looking at Lisa over her shoulder. She gently touched your elbow and led you back to one of the tables. “Tell me what colors you and Dean are wearing and I’m sure we’ll find something that looks amazing. You too Elizabeth”

------

After you and Elizabeth were through picking flowers she asked if you wanted to grab breakfast. “Just the two of us?” you offered and she shrugged “Up to you. We can find your honey and my brother if you want or we can just catch up?” you smiled “I like the idea of catching up. Dean and Benny are big boys. They can be left alone for a little while” she smiled in return and grabbed your arm “Well then come on ma’am”

-------

You were sipping on your coffee when Lisa walked by your table. She was still staring you down but you refused to do anything to mess up a friend’s wedding weekend. “You know I’m starting to think she’s more jealous of Dean having you then you having Dean” Elizabeth scoffed and you coughed around your coffee from the laugh that pulled from your lips. “I really need to get down to Louisiana more often. I forgot just how much fun you Lafittes’ are” She winked at you over her own coffee cup “Especially around Mardi Gras”

You were about to leave to go change for the snowmobile ride when a plate was set down on the side of yours and Elizabeth’s table. You cut your eyes up at the person who’d sat it down and it was Tabitha. “Lisa said since you enjoy her leftovers so much she figured you may want more” you took a deep breath then stood to face her eye to eye “Tell Lisa if she has an issue with me she needs to be woman enough to deal with it when it’s not conflicting with other plans. Now she want to hit me up next weekend? I’ll gladly whip her ass” you heard Elizabeth snicker under her breath and Tabitha looked scandalized “Are you even with him? I mean you’re not really his type” 

Elizabeth was to her feet in a flash “You little..” but you stopped her with a hand then smiled at Tabitha “What? Not manipulative enough?” with that she seemed dumbfounded so you turned back to Elizabeth “Let’s go get changed”

------

Elizabeth’s room was on the same floor as yours and Deans so the plan was to change then meet up at the elevator unless one of you ran into one of the guys first. You unlocked the door and stepped into your room breathing a sigh of relief to see Dean was in fact not there but your phone went off with a text from him “Dammit we have looked everywhere for you two. Where did you get off to?” you rolled your eyes and sent back “I’m lost come find me” before laying the phone down to dig out different clothes.

You were pulling your boots on when you heard the door of the room open then shut followed by Dean calling your name. “In here!” you hollered and he poked his head around the door holding his phone up  “That has never been funny. Elizabeth told Benny where you were” “Snitch” you mumbled standing to grab your jacket. You could feel him watching you and cursed under your breath when he asked “What’s wrong?” you shrugged and tried to walk past him but he grabbed your arm “Come on darlin. I know that look something is up” you nodded “Yeah your ex is a fucking bitch and needs to be glad that we’re at a mutual friend’s wedding” “What did she do?” he asked dropping your arm like the mere touch had burnt “Everything from saying how good you’ve always looked in that one suit to asking me if I was screwing you when the two of you were together to sending her sister over to mine and Elizabeth’s table to give me her leftovers from breakfast followed up by reminding me I’m not your type” when you were met with silence you laughed humorlessly “I think I’ll get Benny to come grab my bags and just stay with Elizabeth the rest of the weekend. We can tell everyone we split and if need be I’ll pay their gas to swing through to take me home on their way” “You don’t have to do that” he offered but you’d already turned away so he wouldn’t see the tears in your eyes “Yeah. I do because this was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had” you grabbed your jacket and pushed past him out the room.

You nearly mowed over poor Benny who reached out to steady you “Woah there. Where you headed like that?” you figured might as well bite half the bullet at least “We just broke up will you bring my bags to Liz’s room?” he seemed more than a little confused but nodded “Want me to smack some sense into him?” you shook your head with a watery smile “It was bound to happen. I’m not really his type” then walked away from him to find Elizabeth.

------

You ended up dipping out of the snowmobile ride. You told Charity you were having a bit of motion sickness and bless her she’d gotten one of the staff to bring you some medicine.

You and Elizabeth had decided on one of the nature walks instead. “So what happened?” she asked and you shook your head “I told him what happened with Lisa. He didn’t respond” “I’m sorry honey” she replied pulling you into her side with one arm. You shrugged “Was bound to happen anyways”

When you finally pulled your phone out after the two of you had been wandering the trails for nearly two hours you had fifteen texts from Dean and even a few from Sam and Eileen wanting to know why their brother/brother in law was texting them to get them to text you to text him. Confusing huh?

“Maybe he’s sorry?” Elizabeth offered but you shook your head “I’m not holding him up. Who knows maybe Lisa is right. Maybe he does still want her” the words themselves felt like a hot knife twisting in your gut but you weren’t going to let it show. You could get through this and avoid Dean as much as possible until the sting went away. 

------

At dinner you told Elizabeth you weren’t feeling well but talked her into going to dinner well after you made her promise to not blow up at Dean, Lisa or Tabitha. You left her with Benny in hopes he would see that she kept that promise then headed up to her room.

When you opened the door Benny had laid your suitcase and smaller bag on the couch. You called room service to get some food and to see if you could get an extra pillow and blanket so you didn’t have to steal one off her bed.

By the time Elizabeth got up to the room you had already eaten and showered and was curled up on the couch watching a movie. She smiled at you the moment she walked in the door “He’s clearly upset” you sighed and patted the cushion next to you “You’re welcome to come watch Liz but I don’t wanna talk about Dean” she nodded “Fair enough” and kicked off her shoes to come join you.

------

“I fucked up man” Dean told Benny with a shake of his head. “You think? Man you’ve been telling me for how long how you feel about that girl then you what? Can’t even manage to say fuck her about your ex?” Dean shrugged because he honestly had no idea why he hadn’t said anything about it when you told him of the confrontations with Lisa. “How do I fix it?” he asked and Benny laughed “Beg? Then beg some more?” “You know what Benny? You’re such a help”

Lisa and Tabitha walked into the bar about that time and Benny bumped Dean’s arm forcing him to look up right before Lisa walked over to them. “Dean, I hear you got tired of Y/N already. Want a real woman again?” Benny rolled his eyes at her words then cut his eyes at Dean. As much as he liked him he liked you too and if Dean wouldn’t speak up on your behalf he damn sure was going to. “Real woman Lisa? You mean a liar, manipulator and cheater? Y/N has been one of my closest friends for as long as I can remember. When I needed her she was there, when Sammy, Bobby, Ellen hell anybody needed her she was there. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. She fights for those she cares about, she takes care of everyone she can. She’s strong but still soft and I love her” 

Benny’s eyes widened at Dean’s confession and Lisa looked like she swallowed a frog “You love that?” Dean stood off the stool at her words and smiled “Sweetheart there was never anyone but her”

------

You and Elizabeth were wandering around before the ceremony. You were dressed complete with flowers. The people loitering around the lobby looked like they belonged in one magazine or another at a newsstands. You spotted Alice and walked towards her with a smile “How’s Charity?” she laughed nervously “Scared?” “She’ll be fine. Your dad walking her?” she nodded so you added “Just tell him to have a good grip on her arm just in case and tell her to keep her head high. She’s beautiful and we’re all here for her” She smiled “Thanks Y/N” “Anytime”

Elizabeth had watched you talk to Alice and when you got back to her side she asked “How are you that good talking about your ex-fiance’s soon to be wife?” you shrugged “hindsight twenty twenty? Me and Micheal didn’t belong together. He just figured it out before I did” She nodded slightly “So who do you belong with?” 

You could feel your cheeks threaten to warm as you thought about Dean. The way he made you feel when you’d wake up next to him or how he always went out of his way to make you laugh. How he always took care of everyone around him but resisted when it came to allowing someone to take care of him because he still wasn’t used to it. You were in love with him and had now possibly lost even his friendship. “Who I want I can’t have” you finally said and she asked “Why not?” “He doesn’t want me” you replied but froze when you heard Dean’s voice behind you “Are you sure about that? Because really if a guy has a shot at you and doesn’t take it he needs his ass kicked”

You looked back at Elizabeth but she was grinning at Benny “Oh dear brother of mine! Let’s go check out those nifty little stands they have set up near the doors!” you watched the two of them disappear then looked back at Dean “I never should’ve asked you to pretend this weekend” he nodded then smiled “And I should’ve admitted the reason I agreed was to get to spend some time with you so maybe I could figure out if you feel the same way about me that I do about you. Me and Lisa we never would’ve worked for the same reason you and Micheal never would’ve worked. I found who I want to be with and it’s you” “Dean please tell me you aren’t screwing with me right now” you whispered grateful the two of you had moved to the edge of the room where no one could overhear. “I’ve never been more serious about anything” you patted at the tears threatening to spill from your eyes “Christ I’m glad Liz had waterproof mascara” he bit back a laugh and motioned to your face “Those good tears?” you nodded “If you’re serious come kiss me Winchester” a smirk slipped onto his face “Don’t have to tell me twice” 

@brilovesdeanwinchester @akshi8278 @bolontiku

@girl-next-door-writes

[itsany62]

SteveTony - Getting Together

Here are some Getting Together fics that I adore. Don't forget to leave kudos and nice comments in every fic!

Lovesick, by royal_chandler, 3 k >, fluff.

The depth of the flu aisle in the pharmacy is substantial, overwhelmingly so, and Steve is half-convinced he needs to return to the front and trade his basket for a full-on cart.

There's a Party Going on Right Here, by Annie D (scaramouche), Post-Endgame.

After the Battle of Earth, Tony hosts a party.

Open Tab , by machi_kun , 5k> words, Post-Avengers 2012.

Tony has a lot of money. Really. More money he could possibly ever spend by himself. So what if he spends some of it buying gifts for his friends? People like gifts! And Steve is his friend. His best friend, actually, inside the Avengers, and he’s glad it turned out this way - so it’s also a way of saying 'thanks for putting up with me', he thinks. He just wants Steve to be happy. If Tony can make him happy, then why wouldn’t he? Tony buying Steve gifts is no big deal. Shut up, Rhodey.

(Pretty) Odd, by machi_kun, 5 k> words, Developing Relationship, Fluff.

In his file, Tony Stark had been described as eccentric. He had also been described as a narcissist, as a self-destructive liability, as not-recommended, and all sort of fancy words that are used to disguise the fact that they were calling him an all-around asshole; And that’s a very long list of bad adjectives, for a guy Steve saw carry a nuke behind his back to save the city, gave them a place to stay, and is slowly showing himself to be one of the most curious people Steve has ever met. Maybe Tony Stark is eccentric – and maybe he is a bit of an asshole. But maybe he’s also more than that.

Six Times DUM-E Made It Worse (and One Time He Fixed It) by FestiveFerret, 4 k > words, Outsider POV.

DUM-E has a lot of Very Important jobs to do, and he does his best to do them right. Sometimes, though, things don't work out very well.

All he wants is for his humans to be happy.

Sweet Child O' Mine by starspangledsprocket, 9 k > words, Age Regression/De-Aging, Fluff.

After just their second outing as the Avengers, everyone except for Steve and Tony are turned into toddlers. Madness ensues.

'Cause Everytime We Touch by Perlmutt, 5 k > words, Touch-Starved.

Steve noticed it the first time they were officially introduced at Fury’s office after the battle of New York.

He extended his hand for a handshake, a silent peace offer after their horrible first meeting at the helicarrier almost a week ago. Stark looked at it like it would bite him any second. Steve could see how his hands twitched where he’d buried them in his pockets. But instead of taking his hand, he stared into his eyes for a moment and nodded before turning back to Fury.

Only later would Steve learn that it wasn’t hatred or aversion.

how the thought of you does things to me by Finduilas, 6 k > words, Mutual Pining, Domestic Avengers.

Steve has a thing for Tony's butt. Tony has a thing for Steve's beard. They're both very obvious about it (just ask any of their friends!), but somehow they manage to also be completely oblivious.

Right here waiting by gottalovev, 19 k > words, Cat Dads.

Steve has been missing Tony like crazy since he left the compound. One day, Steve drops in unannounced at the tower, and when on a walk for coffee they rescue newborn kittens.

Or: A yearning Steve, an oblivious Tony, and co-parenting kittens. (= fuff!)

picture perfect (picture us) by starklystar, 18 k > words, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Photo Shoots.

Tony has a habit of being handsy during photoshoots.

Steve has a habit of being flustered whenever Tony touches him.

Misunderstandings happen.

Or, five times Steve and Tony went to a photoshoot

+ the one time they had better things to do.

++ the one time they take their photoshoot online.

take me out (to the ball game) by muItifandomjess, 1 k > words, Fluff.

“Take me out to the ball game, take me out with the crowd,” Steve sings, his shoulder bumping into Tony’s as he sways back and forth. “Come on, Tony, sing!”

“I am a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist,” Tony protests around a mouthful of hot dog. “I do not sing.”

Or, Steve and Tony go to a ball game. It all kind of snowballs from there.

Drifting Further Everyday by GotTheSilver, 8 k > words, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Steve’s quiet a lot of the time, it’s almost like living with a ghost, and Tony kind of hates it; he lives with more than enough actual ghosts every day. The longer time goes on, the more Tony recognises what’s going on, sees the jumpiness, the haunted look on his face, and he gets it. Realises they’re both trying to bury things they don’t want to talk about. More often than not, Tony turns around in the workshop to see Steve sitting there, patiently working on something in his sketchbook or reading an actual book, usually something he missed during the years he was frozen.

Somehow Steve is filling all the gaps in his life Tony didn’t realise he needed filling.

Goop, Or Five Times Steve Rogers Was Covered In... Something, And One Time Tony Was by Bill_Longbow, 7 k > words, Mutual Pining.

There were a lot of things Steve had expected about the future; sleek buildings, sleeker electronics, and all the food you can eat. Being covered in alien goop wasn't one of them.

or

How Steve being covered in... stuff, brings Tony and Steve closer.

The art of longing by itsallAvengers, 63 k > words, Oblivious Tony, Not Actually Unrequited Love.

Steve's used to missing his shot. To being too late, too scared, and losing everything. But he really did think that this time, with Tony, something could work.

Then Tony meets Mark. He's cool and charming, he's a scientist and he's perfect for a man like Tony Stark.

And suddenly Steve...

Well. Steve just doesn't have a place anymore

earth laughs in flowers by starksnack, 3 k > words, Love Confessions, Secret Admirer.

A secret admirer has been sending Tony flowers and confessions of love.

Crash Into You by FestiveFerret, 15 K > words, Post-Avengers (2012), Stranded.

Tony was pretty used to crashing.

It seemed like these days more often than not his return to earth in the Iron Man suit was at least somewhat out of control. He couldn't count the number of times he'd used a helpfully situated building, a local landmark, or, hey, even a teammate to slow a wild descent. And he'd be damned if he'd admit it to Pepper, but on more than one occasion he hadn't even been conscious when he'd hit the ground.

So crashing wasn't really a new experience. He would get banged up a bit, maybe put a scratch in the suit somewhere, but bruised ribs healed and there was no better way to work off the post-battle high than smoothing dents out of his most prized possession.

He had a feeling crashing in the Quinjet, without his armour, was going to be a bit different..

I like me better (when I'm with you) by I_write_things_sometimes, 79 k > words, Domestic Avengers, Friends to Lovers.

If you ask either of them how they got together, they'd go back to an unremarkable night filled with expensive food, rich donors, and lots of schmoozing. And, of course, the anxiety attack that started it all.

"Not recognizing someone was strange enough, but the longer the two men spoke with — or, more accurately at — Tony, the more convinced Steve was that the conversation was unwanted, at least on Tony’s part.

The first clue was that Tony was actively leaning away from the men he was talking to. Steve had learned firsthand that Tony was an incredibly tactile person. When he wanted to talk to you, Tony engaged completely; he’d sling his arm around your shoulders, squeeze your arm, or drag you around as he talked, walked and usually did at least two other things. Even when he argued, Tony was often immediate and in his opponent's space; Steve knew that from experience.

Right now? Tony was scanning the outskirts of the room rather than making eye contact with the men near him. If Steve had to guess, Tony was looking for the nearest exit."

Or, the way Steve Rogers and Tony Stark became friends and then more.

Mission SteveTony by itsallAvengers, 7 k > words, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Steve Rogers.

If the entire team of Avengers could please stop trying to get it on with Tony when Steve is right there, he would really appreciate that, thank you

you'll wait a long time by nanasekei, 16 k > words, Pining, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie).

Steve and Tony share a moment during a wedding. Things escalate from there.

-

Alternatively: Four weddings, a funeral, and one very emotionally stunted idiot.

The Game by FestiveFerret, 5 k > words, Gay Chicken.

The game starts when Tony walks into the garage to find Steve sitting astride the R1200RS, staring down at his phone, and he maybe, just a little bit, walks into a car.

Talking Bodies by itsallAvengers, 13 k > words, Misunderstandings, Insecure Steve Rogers.

Coincidentally, the physical effects of romantic and sexual desire match up very closely with the physical effects of fear. But it's not a problem-- it's not like anyone is going to be able to hear the way your heart speeds up, or see the minute dilation of your pupils, are they? They'd have to be some sort of Superhuman to do that.

And what's worse than a Superhuman hearing that quick pulse and seeing those dilated eyes and concluding that you're in love with them?

A Superhuman hearing that quick pulse and seeing those dilated eyes and thinking you're terrified of them.

more than just a dream. by frostfall, 10 k > words, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Parent Tony Stark.

Tony: Fine.

Tony: I think I might.

Tony: Just might.

Tony: Have a teensy-weensy crush.

Peter: ;)

Peter: Is it who I think it is?

Tony: Unfortunately, yes.

Tony: You happy now?

(Peter thinks he's found the perfect partner for his dad. Tony thinks his son has officially lost his mind. Steve's just oblivious to the fact that he's out of Tony's league.)

don’t want you to get it on (with nobody else but me). by frostfall, 4 k > words, Jealous Steve Rogers, The Pocky Game.

There are a lot of things that Steve doesn’t get about the future. But it’s fine. He will, eventually. He has time.

But one thing he knows is that he’ll never, ever be able to wrap his head around is the fanfare surrounding Pocky.

(Or Steve’s jealous of biscuit sticks.)

check yes (if the feeling isn't new) by cvptains, 12 k > words, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Meddling.

After the battle with Thanos, both Tony and Steve struggle with reconnecting in certain aspects of their lives. Sam Wilson and Peter Parker are totally over it.

Where both Steve and Tony's respective friends make accounts for them on the renowned dating app, FlickLove, and the results come out a bit... surprising. Cue unadvisable meddling that really — honestly — comes from good intentions.

take my heart clean apart by mistymountainking, 13 k > words, Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues.

He’s tired, so tired of waiting, tired of touches with no meaning, tired of holding his breath when Steve’s in the room, tired of keeping this love to himself.

“I can’t—I can’t, if you don’t mean it.”

***

Tony comes home exhausted after an SI event. Steve acts as welcoming committee. It's an old, careworn routine they've perfected over the years, but tonight ends up going in a very different direction.

[writteninkat]

iv - carnival tickets

word count: 2,246

warnings: mentions of blood and dead animals

"I'ma break you off, let me be your motivation"

index

Today was the day you and the rest of class 1A can finally try out their hero costumes. You smiled, looking at yourself in the mirror, giving yourself butterflies as you do so.

Your hero costume was a simple black bodysuit type. Garters attacked to the clothing helped keep your thigh high boots up. The top covered your entire arms, hands and fingers- you designed it this way so your palms wouldn’t be littered with callouses given that you deal with weapons like swords and scythes every time you use your quirk.

The bodysuit is a title neck type that showed off your shoulders. Your costume is finished off with a full face black kitsune mask with glowing blue paint around the eyes, it makes up the whiskers as well as a little nose of a fox.

You keep it up on your head, not wanting to put it on unless you're engaging in combat.

You close your locker, joining the girls who are hyping each other up in what they’re wearing. You all step out of the changing area and you can’t help but feel giddy as you approach your teachers, excited with the activities for today.

Everyone begins freaking out at the site of All Might- which you don’t get at all. He’s blond, has a freakish smile and a built body. So what? “Who’s he?” You whisper at Mina who looks at you as if you’ve grown two heads.

“What?”

You sigh, “Who’s he? And why is everyone freaking out about him?” You ask again and Mina gives you that same look, but much worse. She’s acting as if you’ve just asked a very stupid question. “That’s All Might.” She answers, tone unusually calm and soft.

“I meat who is he?”

“The number one hero.”

You furrow your brows, gaze scanning the man who’s busy talking in front of the awestruck class. You tilt your head to the side, “That’s your number one pro hero?” You ask, pouting.

“You sound a lot of things- underwhelmed? Disappointed? Dissatisfied?” Bakugou says from behind you, the look in his eyes catching you off guard. You pause for a moment, choosing your words carefully to make sure you’re not offending anyone who’s within earshot.

“You look up to him?” You ask and he raises a brow at you as if you’ve just asked the most obvious question in all time. “He’s been my hero since forever. I look up to him more than anyone in the world. He’s my inspiration and the one of the biggest contributors to my dream go being a hero.” Your eyebrows lift in shock, you’ve never heard nor seen Bakugou respect a person so much. And by the looks of Mina, Kirishima and Denki, they haven’t seen this side of him either.

Your heart breaks as you return your gaze to the number one hero in front of you, smiling sadly. You don't know how or why, but your judgement tells you that the seven-footer man in front of you isn't all that powerful- not anymore at least.

"Here's the breakdown. There will be four teams of two- half of them will be heroes and the other half will be villains. The hero team can win in two ways; you can either capture the villains or retrieve the bomb. The villain team wins if the hero team is unable to do any of the tasks within the time limit." He explains quite clearly and thoroughly.

You feel your heart beat against your chest, you're feeling very giddy. Your excitement causes Bakugou's lips to twitch upwards, carving out a soft smile to which he hides almodt immediately so no one can see him.

All Might pulls out a draw lots box, letting fate decide which teams everyone belong to. You end up being teammates with Aoyama and Mina who you happily greet.

Everyone is asked to stay inside a monitoring room to watch and observe their classmates in battle. When All Might announces Bakugou and Izuku's team being up first, you don't think before walking up to the blond and placing a hand on his shoulder. He turns his head to the side, raising an expecting brow.

"Good luck out there." You smile softly to which he scoffs at. "I don't need luck to win." He punches his palm as he sets of his quirk, "I already know I will."

You roll your eyes, walking towards Izuku to wish him good kuck as well before following the class to the monitor room. Your eyes scan over the wall of monitors, finding it closely similar to the monitor room your house has back in the US.

As you watch Bakugou and Izuku in battle, it's clear to see that there's something going on between them. There seems to be a conflict between them that you can't quite point and as much as you wanted to ask Bakugou about it, you decided to wait until he'd tell you.

Why on earth do you think he'd tell you?

You shake your head and clear your stupid thoughts, stepping away into a corner and sitting down to mentally prepare yourself. As you try to meditate, you don't realise how much time has went by until you're being called by All Might for your turn.

You scan the room but don't spot an angry blond nor an angel look-a-like green haired boy. You pout, hoping to at least see thosep pretty vermilion eyes before the activity.

As you take your steps towards the building, a small smile stretches across your lips when you see Bakugou's familiar back towards you, only for it to smile when you see just how upset he looks like.

"C'mon, Y/n! We're the villains right now we can't be late!!" Mina calls out to you, waving her hand up. You look back at Bakugo one last time, your gazes catching each other before you step inside the building, pulling your mask down to cover your face.

"Hey Mina? Can you let me take charge of our group?" You ask as the three of you make your way towards the room where the fake bomb is. "Alright! We'll be at your command!" She salutes to you a little too enthusiastically to which you chuckle softly at, making sure to smile with your eyes to make sure she sees you're smiling despite the mask covering your face.

After All Might makes sure each teams' statuses are a go, he commences the activity. "Alright. What would you like for us to do, captain?" Mina asks. You stay quiet for a moment, summoning two katanas in each of your hands. You move them around, making sure your wrists are loose and flexible before actually using them.

"You guys can stay still and guard the bomb." You say, adjusting your gloves before turning around to face the only entrance and exit of the room. "I'll have to go and hunt me some heroes."

"It's been a few minutes since they started and when Y/n suddenly disappeared like that. What do you think the villains are planning?" Tsuyu asks, eyes on the screen as the class continues to search for you in every monitor in the wall, but to no avail.

"I've been seeing a few mice here and there. Do you think that's Koda's doing?" Kirishima asks, to which Denki asks back, "Are the mice you see dead or alive?"

Kirishima furrows his brows at the blond, about to explain how the mice are alive but stops himself when he looks back at the screen and sees the mice he was looking at just a few seconds ago was now dead, body sliced in half. He checks the other monitors as well and his confusion rises even more at the sight of multiple dead mice all over the floors.

"Time is ticking, heroes. You better get to the bomb or if this was a real life situation it'd have blown up by now." All Might says into the mic which puts pressure on the two boys.

The class watches in anticipation as the two steps into a wide and open room, somewhere similar to where Bakugou and Izuku were fighting in a while ago.

"No one's here." Sato states, turning around. "Then, there should only be one room left-"

"Leaving so soon, heroes?" You ask, body leaning on the closed door with one foot pressed on it and your arms crossed across your chest.

Sato and Koda raise their guards, stepping into a fighting stance as theylook at you with such focused eyes. You chuckle, "Your little friends running around the building were pretty hard to find. Not to mention there were quite a handful of them which caused me to reach my speed quirk's limit."

"So it was Y/n who sliced all those rats? But we didn't see her at all. There were no movements in any of the cameras." Sero points out, confusion evident in his face. "Well, she did use her speed quirk. And if what she stated was true, then she'll be no longer to use that quirk of hers, at least during this fight." Iida voices out.

"Two guys against one girl? Isn't that too unfair for her?" Mineta asks, receiving a growl from Bakugou. "If you think her being a girl puts her at a disadvantage you're wrong. If you wanna be a hero, it doesn't matter what your gender is, as long as you're strong."

Despite being in a foul mood, Bakugou still found himself wanting to fight for you. He didn't like the thought of people lookibg down at him, but he found it weird how he preferred it when people not look down at you instead.

"Come on boys. I'll keep this quick and short for you so we can end this activity already." Fingerless boxing gloves appear in each of your hands, they're black but with neon blue accents. You get into a fighting stance, "I really hate sweating."

Sato charges at you, throwing a naive punch at your way to which you dodge easily- scoffing. What was he trying to do, intimidate a little child? As you moved your body to the side, dodging his immature punch, you punch him in the gut, eyes on Koda as you do this.

You hear Sato wheeze before his body falls to the ground. You crack your knuckles, walking towards Koda who begins to panic, using his quirk to call in all sorts of birds and squirrels.

"Koda, this is as scary as being chased by a street gang of kittens." You say, stepping towards him. You step to his side, bringing your hand up to his forehead and flicking it, the contact causing him to tremble before losing consciousness.

Your mother's body guard taught you this- it was a skill he said that most assassins he worked with knows about. He never clearly explained to you how to do it, but as long as your opponent had the slightest bit of fear for you, it will end up working. For Koda's case, he looked like he was about to piss his pants, so it worked out a little too well for you.

"Y/n's team wins this round." All Might announces as the rest of class 1A stands behind him, unsure of what they had just seen.

As the day comes to an end, you learn from Kirishima and Mina that Bakugou has been feeling off since the fight lately. "We tried to stop him from leaving, but he just wouldn't listen. Izuku went and ran after him too. If you go now you should be able to catch up to the both of them." Urataka explains, setting the stack of books she's carrying on a desk.

You run out of the classroom, jumping down flights of stairs to get to the entrance of the highschool as quickly as possible. By the time your eyes finally caught sight of the two boys, they were already talking with each other.

"I wasn't hiding my quirk from you. It was given to me by someone else, recently."

You raise your brows, quickly hiding yourself from the both of them. You place a finger gently on your lips as you stared at the floor, listening as Izuku explained to Bakugou.

The next thing you know it, Bakugou was now yelling at the green haired boy. He sounded so upset, as if he wanted to cry. It was clear as day that the blond didn't like losing, not to anyone and especially not to Izuku.

You took a peak, eyes widening as you see Katsuki Bakugou looking so vulnerable with tears in the corners of his eyes, his brows knitted from being so upset with himself. He walks away, slouching as he wipes his tears with the back of his hand.

You step out of your hiding spot, Izuku's expression growing nervous when he sees you. "O-oh hey, hey Y/n! I didn't... ummm... did you..." He looks down, scratching the back of his head. "Did you hear something?"

You stare him down for a moment, unsure of what to answer before sighing. "I'm not going to say anything to anyone nor ask you about it. But I will tell you this." Your words causes Izuku to look up at you in anticipation. "The second you master that power of yours, you have to fight me with everything you've got. Alright?"

Bakugou grumbles to himself, kicking at a rock, watching as it rolls into a canal. He huffs, annoyed. "I'd tell you you look ugly when you're mad, but then I'd be telling you you look ugly everyday." You yell at him from behind, causing him to turn around.

"School isn't over yet." Bakugou furrows his brows as he watches you make your way towards him. "And yet here we are." You point out, smiling as you put your hands behind your back.

He sighs, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. "What do you want?"

You take out two pink carnival tickets from your pocket, shoving it at his face and waving it in front of him. "I've always went to this carnival with my mom back in the US and I'm feeling kind of homesick. I accidentally bought two tickets too so now you gotta go with me."

You begin to pull at him to which he pulls back, a bored expression resting on his adorable face.

Adorable?

"No." He grunts.

You smile at him, "I wasn't giving you a choice."

[missmentelle]

Hi MM/Bee! I'm a recent college graduate. I always worked hard in school and I matured a lot at college, but I'm realizing how low my self-esteem is. I'm obsessing over the things I haven't done/accomplished, scholarships I never applied for, my body image, my high school days, "not being as successful as my high school class", an old crush who I never talked to (who is already super successful), and some days I feel like I messed up my life beyond repair. How do I work on self-love? Thank you!

For starters, I think it’s important for you to know that you aren’t the only person feeling this way. I get similar questions all the time, often from people who aren’t even out of their 20s yet. It isn’t even remotely true that you need to achieve wild success by age 25 or you’ve wasted your life, but I can understand why so many people feel that way. 

Our culture is dangerously obsessed with productivity, youth and achievement, to the point that it is actively making all of our lives miserable. It’s not hard to understand where people get this idea that they’re failing in life if they aren’t a 20-something well-travelled millionaire - that is the message our culture throws in our faces all the time - and it’s so unbelievably untrue. We compile “top 30 under 30″ lists, celebrate incredibly young performers and entertainers, and hold up extremely high-achieving lifestyles as something that every one of us needs to be striving for, but we don’t - there is no timeline for “success”, there is no one true definition of success, and people will take wildly different paths in life to arrive at the same set of goals. What you think of as your failure is not actually your failure - it’s a cultural failure that so many of us fall victim to. 

I think it’s also important to remember that you haven’t messed up your life beyond repair: you’ve barely started your life yet. Your college years are supposed to be a time of growing and maturing, and that maturation doesn’t end the moment you cross the stage - you’re going to continue to learn and change and grow throughout your lifespan. And growth means you are always going to mess some stuff up - that’s how we grow. All of us have to make mistakes in this life, and all of us have to prioritize rest sometimes; there are always going to be tests we don’t do so great on, social situations we flub, scholarships we don’t apply for, crushes we don’t confess to, deadlines we miss, relationships we let fall apart and goals we don’t achieve. Nobody speedruns life with 100% completion. And that’s okay. Those missteps and mistakes are what teach us to do better next time, or they give us the time to rest and gather energy for the next goal we want to work toward. 

Of course, learning to accept yourself and let go of cultural conditioning is easier said than done. For many of us, it’s a lifelong journey, if not the overarching theme of our lives. I wish there was a simple way to achieve it. I do, however, have some tips that can help you get there:

Unplug from productivity and self-improvement culture. Going online and seeing “Shakespeare wrote King Lear in quarantine, here’s how to maximize your quarantine time” and “here’s how I became a millionaire by age 22″ is not actually that motivating - in all likelihood, it’ll just make you feel bad about yourself. The internet is an absolute firehose of content about how you can do more, achieve more, squeeze more out of your day, and it’s completely overwhelming; honestly, most of us feel better when we stop pointing that firehose straight at our own face. It’s easier to believe that you are enough when you stop consuming content that tells you that you aren’t. Self-improvement culture looks positive on the surface, but we aren’t actually making ourselves better people by obsessing over our work and productivity - we’re just making ourselves miserable. 

Ask yourself “who benefits from making me feel bad about myself?” It’s not a coincidence that we’ve built a culture obsessed with youth and productivity - that culture is making a lot of people very, very rich. Whenever you can be convinced that you aren’t thin enough, not pretty enough, not good enough, you can be convinced to run out and buy things that might fix the problem. That’s how we ended up with a $10 billion dollar self-improvement industry and a $532 billion dollar beauty industry. Content people are harder to sell to. Of course, knowing that people are profiting off your insecurities doesn’t magically make the insecurities go away - but it’s important to start thinking critically and asking yourself “where do my insecurities come from? Is there really something wrong with me, or is someone profiting from making people like me feel this way?”

Do things that make you happy, just for the sake of doing them. Paint a picture. Plant a garden. Learn to play the mandolin. Read cheesy romance novels. Find some things that you enjoy doing just for you - things that you don’t need to maximize, monetize or optimize. You don’t even need to be good at them. If you enjoy doing it, have at it. So many of us are encouraged to suck the joy out of our hobbies by turning them into a “side hustle” or another regimented form of self-improvement. Find some activities that just make your life better and do them, just for the sake of doing them. 

Examine the role of social media in your life. Most of us don’t post a complete, unedited view of our lives on social media - we just post the highlights and keep the tough stuff - the rejections, the times we got ghosted, the bad hair days - to ourselves. And even if you know that cognitively, it still sucks to log onto social media when you’re having a “blah” week and find yourself bombarded with other people’s engagement announcements, med school acceptances, wedding pictures and photos of the new homes people just bought. Social media forces you to compare your “average” to everyone else’s “best”, all the time. And the numbers don’t help - social media lets you do an exact comparison of how many followers and likes you have compared to someone else, and seeing someone get more positive feedback than you can sting. Working on self-love means taking a hard look at the impact social media is having on your self-esteem. How much of your time do you spend on social media? How do you feel after you use social media? Are you following accounts that make you feel better about yourself, or worse? Do you ever feel bad about the number of likes or followers you have? Do you feel like your time on social media is wasted? Do you follow accounts that make you feel better about yourself, or worse? Stepping away from social media for your mental health is an important move for some people - you can still be happy for your friends and loved ones while acknowledging that it’s not good for you to have their achievements broadcast to you 24/7. 

Surround yourself with good, supportive people. If you find that your circle of friends tends to diminish each other’s achievements, be overly critical of each other or go out of their way to one-up each other, that’s probably not a circle of friends that’s going to be good for you in the long run. Find people who are genuinely happy for you, and make you feel supported and loved for who you are. If that means you need to branch out of your current social circles, that’s okay - you can find great friends in surprising places, and it’s worth the initial awkwardness of getting to know a new person. 

Challenge your definition of “success”. Success does not have to look like a high-paying job and a giant house and expensive cars and 2.5 honour roll children. It certainly can look that way, if you feel that those are meaningful goals for you, but it doesn’t have to look that way. A doctor is not necessarily “more successful” than a poet, and a lawyer is not necessarily “more successful” than a stay-at-home parent. The only person who gets to define what a “successful” life looks like is you. It takes time to unlearn the social conditioning that “money and prestige = success”, but it can be done. Success looks different for all of us. 

Set goals that are personally meaningful to you. It’s important for all of us to think critically about what we want, and it’s even more important to think critically about why we want it. Do we want that degree program or that accomplishment or that job because it aligns with our interests? To impress others? To prove someone wrong? Or because we feel like we’re supposed to want it? Try to focus your energy on the goals that you want, that are personally meaningful to you. If that’s law school, great. If that’s selling homemade jam at the farmer’s market, that is equally great. 

Remember that success does not have a deadline. I know this is very hard to believe in your early twenties, but your dreams do not shrivel up and blow away the day you turn 30. Life doesn’t end when your 20s are over. You haven’t missed your shot, and you don’t have to figure everything out right now. Growth and achievement are lifelong journeys - people find their dream jobs, accomplish their goals, finish degrees and meet the love of their life in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond. The best book I read this year was “Where the Crawdads Sing” a novel that spent 32 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list. It also happened to be the author’s first novel, and it came out when she was sixty-nine years old. Your dreams do not have an expiration date. 

Capture the joy and positivity in your life. I think one of the most important ways to feel better about your life is to spend more time focusing on all the good things in your life, rather than focusing on all the ways you could be better. Rather than fixating on whether you could have applied for more scholarships or turned that B+ into an A-, spend more time reflecting on the happy memories you have of your time in college. Again, this isn’t something that will happen overnight - it’s a learned skill that you need to consciously work on. Interrupt yourself when you are starting to fixate on things you could have done better, and make yourself list out three things you enjoyed about college. Connect with old college friends you haven’t heard from in a while. Try to take more notice of good things in your life as they happen to you - take more pictures, keep a journal, make collages, start a scrapbook, keep a box of momentos. You don’t need to have a perfect life to be happy; it’s okay to work on being happy with the life you have. 

Best of luck to you! MM