#But I go with no parent should bury their child it's just so sad

[atinyjules]

Calm After The Storm Ft. Single Dad!EJ

A/n: The title says everything! I've wanted to write for Euijoo for quite some time so I'm happy I finally could!

Spoiler alert: I'm gonna try to write as many fics as I can during this Easter break since my exams are right after.

Genre: Single dad au, dad au, fluff, romance (?), angst

Pairings: Single dad!Ej x Kindergarten teacher!Himari (fem oc)

Warnings: Mean parents, and Ej breaks down, extremely sad and stressed baby.

The late afternoon sun cast golden light across Fuma’s backyard, where pastel streamers danced gently in the breeze and balloons bobbed on strings tied to the fence posts. The scent of grilled snacks and sugar hung in the air as kids ran around in squeaky shoes, giggling, faces painted like butterflies and superheroes.

But EJ stood near the back porch, his son Euisang squirming and screaming in his arms, red-faced and tear-streaked.

It was Mayu’s 6th birthday party — Fuma’s daughter. A celebration that should’ve been sweet and fun. But for EJ, it had turned into a slow spiral of stress.

Euisang had been on edge the second they arrived. The music, the shouting, the colors — everything was too much. And now? He was inconsolable.

EJ bounced him softly, whispering, “Shhh, it’s okay, Sangie. I’m right here, it’s okay,” but Euisang thrashed harder, fists pounding his chest, hiccuped screams pouring out of him.

He heard it then — the murmurs from the snack table.

“Single dad, apparently. Poor thing.”

“No wonder the boy’s like that. These kids need mothers. Can’t just fool around and expect no consequences.”

EJ’s stomach twisted. He shifted uncomfortably, eyes on the ground. It wasn’t like he planned this life. His ex had handed over a baby and walked away. One day, he was just a regular university student. The next, he had a son.

Fuma noticed from across the patio and quickly crossed the yard.

“What’s going on?” he asked gently.

EJ gave him a tired, embarrassed look. “He won’t calm down. I should probably take him home… everyone’s staring.”

Fuma shook his head. “It’s fine, really. These things happen.”

He reached out. “Can I try?”

EJ hesitated, then handed Euisang over. But the little boy just cried harder in Fuma’s arms, curling his body away, overwhelmed and flushed.

And that’s when it happened.

One of the mothers nearby, holding a cup of fruit punch, sighed a little too loudly.

“This is what happens when a child grows up without a mother.”

Fuma froze, then slowly turned to face her, expression sharp.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” he said, voice still calm but steel underneath. “You can’t just say that.”

EJ gently reached for his son again, arms trembling slightly as he took Euisang back from Fuma’s hold. The little boy was still crying, his face flushed and scrunched as he buried himself into EJ’s shoulder.

“It’s alright,” EJ muttered quietly to Fuma, trying to soothe Sangie with slow, rhythmic pats on his back. “I’ll take him home. This was a mistake.”

Fuma’s eyes softened, but he shook his head firmly. “No, it’s not.”

He turned to the woman, his voice calm but edged with steel. “With all due respect, ma'am, you can’t just judge people without knowing them. Just because he’s crying like this doesn’t mean he always does. The baby is just overstimulated.”

The woman scoffed audibly. “Overstimulated, he says. The baby’s face is red with tears! He seems uncomfortable in his father's arms! You should just hand him over to the professionals — you don’t seem fit to even care for him.”

The tone, sharp and scornful, carried across the backyard, silencing the chatter of nearby guests. Heads turned. Eyes stared.

EJ felt the heat of humiliation creep up his neck, his fingers tightening around his son’s tiny frame. He wanted to cry — scream — disappear.

And then, a voice spoke up.

“He’s trying really hard.”

Everyone turned. A woman had just entered the backyard through the side gate, a glittery, colourful gift bag in one hand and a breeze catching the hem of her soft beige cardigan. She had medium curled black hair pinned partially back, eyes sharp but warm. She stepped closer to the scene without hesitation.

“Fun fact,” she said, tone casual but firm, “single parents have more on their plate than the general pairs of parents. Not saying two-parent households have it easy, but single parents juggle work and childcare while being both mom and dad. Every day.”

A ripple of whispers followed.

“Who is that?”

“Wait... isn’t that Miss Kojima?”

Before anyone could answer, a tiny blur raced across the yard.

“Teacher Kojima!!” Mayu squealed, running full-speed into the woman’s side.

The woman’s entire face lit up as she bent down to hug her. “There’s the birthday girl! Don’t you look like a princess today?”

Mayu giggled and twirled. “Yeah, I know! Dad made it for me!”

“That’s amazing! Isn’t he the best?” she grinned, handing over the glittery, colourful bag. “And here’s something special, just for you.”

Mayu gasped dramatically and held the bag like it was treasure. “Thank you!!” she squealed before darting over to Fuma with her gift.

The woman stood straight again, her expression cooling as she turned back to the judgmental mother.

“It’s the child’s special day. Don’t go ruining it with your disdain towards single parents.”

The woman scoffed. “Why are you even defending them?”

The newcomer smiled politely, but her words came like smooth steel. “Because my dad was a single parent. And he raised me on his own. I know how hard that life is, and I won’t stand here and watch someone belittle a parent who’s doing their best.”

Her gaze softened slightly as she looked over at EJ — who stood frozen, overwhelmed, his son still trembling in his arms.

“If two-parent households work fifty times hard,” she continued, “single parents work another fifty times harder.”

Fuma nodded silently beside her, a quiet but proud smile tugging at his lips.

EJ didn’t know her. Had never seen her before. But in that moment — with his son wailing against his chest and his heart bruised from the words thrown his way — he felt like someone had just stepped into the storm and held up an umbrella just for them.

And for the first time that day, he didn’t feel quite so alone.

The woman scoffed again, clearly flustered, her voice shaking with anger. “Who do you think you are, talking to me like that?”

Himari’s smile didn’t falter, though her eyes were hard with resolve. “If you can’t take the sight of single parents, maybe you should leave. And come pick up your child after the party is over. We’re all here to enjoy this day, not listen to your harsh judgments.”

The woman went silent for a moment, her face flushed with humiliation. She stared at Himari, eyes narrowing. “Who are you to tell me what to do?”

Himari straightened up, her posture confident and unyielding. “Kojima Himari. Kindergarten teacher. Specifically, your daughter’s kindergarten teacher.”

The woman’s eyes widened in shock as realization hit her. Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment. She opened her mouth, but the words caught in her throat.

“Goodbye, then,” Himari said sweetly, a hint of sass in her tone. “Maybe the next time you feel like making judgments, think about how much harder it is for parents who are doing it alone.”

With that, the woman quickly turned, her heels clicking sharply against the grass as she stormed out of the backyard, leaving the party in an awkward silence.

EJ stood there, still holding Euisang, who was now crying louder, his tiny hands flailing in the air as the raised voices only seemed to upset him more.

Himari’s gaze softened as she looked at the baby in EJ’s arms. “Ooh, what happened?”

She gently reached out and took Euisang from EJ’s arms, her voice now soothing and calm. “Hey there, little one,” she cooed, cradling him with the ease of someone who had done this many times before. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.”

Euisang’s sobs slowed, though his face was still red from crying. Himari rocked him gently, her hands warm and comforting.

EJ watched, a little taken aback by the woman’s calm presence. His son, who had been crying so desperately just moments ago, seemed to quiet down in her arms. He didn’t know her — not yet, anyway — but there was something about the way she moved, the way she handled his son, that made him feel a little less alone in that moment.

The stress of the past hour — the harsh whispers, the judgmental looks, his son’s cries, and the overwhelming helplessness — all came crashing down the moment Euisang finally quieted.

In Himari’s arms, the little boy clung to her shirt and hiccupped softly, his cries slowly fading into exhausted little breaths. And as EJ watched, the lump in his throat finally burst.

Both of his hands came up to cover his face, and a quiet sob escaped him. He turned slightly away, as if to shield himself from the weight of the stares still lingering in his memory, even if the garden was calm now.

Himari glanced over at him, arms still gently cradling Euisang.

Her heart ached at the sight.

Still holding the now-sleepy toddler close against her chest, she used one hand to reach out, placing it on EJ’s shoulder — patting it, then squeezing it softly, steady and reassuring.

“It’s alright,” she murmured, voice gentle, calm. “It happens. Sometimes it gets a little too much… and that’s totally fine.”

EJ’s shoulders trembled harder, his breath hitching. “I’m sorry… I just… it’s just too much,” he managed through his hands.

“I know,” Himari said quietly.

She eased down onto the garden bench beside him, Euisang still nestled against her like he belonged there. Her hand never left EJ’s shoulder, grounding him with the warmth of her touch.

“It’s totally fine to feel that way,” she continued, her voice soft but steady. “Sometimes it’s better to let it all out instead of bottling it in. That’s probably why your little one couldn’t stop wailing.”

EJ dropped his hands slowly, eyes red, voice tight. “What do you mean?”

“Kids can feel it,” she said, gently bouncing Euisang just a little as his breathing evened out. “They don’t need words to know when something’s wrong. If you’re overwhelmed, they sense it. They mirror it.”

EJ looked at his son — now finally resting, cheeks still tear-stained, lashes wet but calm. He ran a hand through his own hair, feeling everything hit him all over again.

“I didn’t mean to… I just…”

“You didn’t mean for him to carry it,” Himari finished for him. “But you’re human. You’re doing your best, and that matters. That’s enough.”

He turned his head, eyes meeting hers, and for a moment, the noise of the world faded.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Himari gave him a small smile, one full of warmth and quiet understanding. “You’re welcome, Dad.”

And somehow, just hearing that made it feel like—for the first time in a while—he wasn’t completely alone in this.

Fuma walked over with a warm smile, balancing a pack of tissues under his arm and holding two paper cups filled with sparkling, glittery fruit punch. He sat down beside EJ on the other side, offering him a reassuring pat on the back.

“Yeah, you’re doing great, Dad,” he said, using the same gentle tone Himari had moments ago.

EJ let out a soft laugh through his sniffles, shaking his head as he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “You’re just saying that.”

“No,” Fuma replied, opening the pack and handing him a tissue. “I’ve seen parents crumble under less. But you’re here, showing up for him. You didn’t walk away even when it got tough. That means something.”

He handed the glittery punch to Himari, who smiled and took it with one hand, the other still holding the peacefully sleeping Euisang against her. Then he passed the second cup to EJ.

“Figured you both earned this,” Fuma grinned. “Mayu insisted on the edible glitter. Called it ‘princess dust.’”

Himari chuckled softly. “Well, the princess has great taste.”

EJ took the cup, fingers wrapping around the warmth of it even though it was cold inside. “Thanks, man.”

Fuma just nodded, casually leaning back against the bench. “Anytime.”

The three of them sat there in comfortable silence for a moment — EJ, the quietly recovering father; Himari, the unexpected support; and Fuma, the friend who always knew how to show up at the right time. The breeze was soft, the distant laughter of children echoing from the other side of the backyard.

Euisang stirred a little in Himari’s arms but didn’t wake. His small fists curled up gently against her, and she adjusted her hold so he could sleep better.

“You’ve got a good kid,” Himari said after a while, taking a small sip of her drink. “Sensitive. Emotional. But really good.”

EJ glanced over at her, surprised by how easily her words warmed him.

“Thanks,” he said quietly. Then added, almost shyly, “You’re… really good with him.”

Himari smiled, her gaze soft and unassuming. “Comes with the job. But I also just like helping where I can.”

Fuma smirked over his cup. “She’s everyone’s favorite teacher, by the way.”

“Oh, stop,” Himari laughed, though her cheeks flushed faintly.

EJ looked down at his cup, then back at his son — safe and sleeping. His heart still hurt, but for the first time today, it didn’t feel heavy.

It felt held.

After a few more moments of calm, Himari shifted slightly to better hold the sleeping boy in her arms and offered EJ a gentle smile.

"I'm Himari," she said, her voice soft as she extended her free hand.

EJ blinked, then quickly wiped his hand on his pants before shaking hers. "Euijoo," he replied, his voice still a little hoarse from earlier. "But everyone just calls me EJ."

She gave his hand a warm squeeze before letting go.

He glanced at his son nestled against her and smiled faintly. "That’s Euisang. But I call him Sangie." His eyes softened. "He’s three."

Himari looked down at the small boy sleeping soundly in her arms and let out a light hum. "He looks older than three," she said, glancing at EJ with a kind smile. "That means you’re feeding him well. That’s really good!"

She gave his back another encouraging pat, firm but warm.

EJ chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean… I’m trying. Sometimes I just put together whatever I can. I watch a lot of YouTube.”

"That still counts," Himari replied, smile never wavering. “You're doing your best. It shows.”

And somehow, those words felt like a gold star on a paper he thought had been graded F. For the first time that day, EJ allowed himself to believe it — even just a little.

EJ glanced down at his peacefully sleeping son and then back at Himari. “I could take him back now. He must be heavy.”

Himari shook her head with a soft laugh. “It’s totally fine. I carry kindergarteners every day. You relax and rest.” She adjusted Euisang comfortably in her arms. “These little moments of rest are really rare, you know.”

Her words made EJ smile, just a little — the kind that reached his tired eyes.

“You look really young though,” he said curiously, leaning back a little on the bench. “If you don’t mind me asking… how old are you?”

She chuckled and tilted her head. “I’m turning 22 in a bit.”

EJ’s eyes widened. “Wait, what? I’m 22 too.”

Himari gasped, eyes going wide before she lightly slapped his arm in disbelief. “Shut up! Who would've thought we’re the same age?”

They both laughed — an easy, genuine sound that melted some of the tension lingering in the air.

Then Himari gave him a proud, sincere smile. “That actually makes me more in awe of you. Most young parents in their early twenties struggle a lot. But you’re doing really, really well.”

EJ stared at her for a second, cheeks warming at the unexpected praise. “You really think so?”

“I know so,” she replied, her voice gentle but certain, the kind of voice that made people believe in themselves — even if just a little.

Himari shifted Sangie gently in her arms, eyes twinkling with mischief. “Well, when he turns four, he could start coming to the kindergarten I work at.”

EJ let out a soft laugh, the kind that finally held ease. “Oh, I’ll definitely consider that. I’ve never seen him this calm with anyone other than me or my mom.”

Her smile brightened at that, a little surprised and clearly pleased. With a dramatic flip of her hair, she raised a brow and said with mock arrogance, “Well, what can I say? I am amazing, after all.”

Hearing her playful words, EJ’s smile lingered as he looked at her—really looked at her.

The way she held Sangie with such natural care… the way she stood up for him like she’d known him forever… and that smile, soft but strong.

His voice dropped to a gentler tone, almost like it slipped out before he could catch it.

“Yeah… you are.”

Himari turned slightly, caught by the softness in his gaze. Her teasing smile faded into something quieter—something warm—as their eyes met.

And for a brief second, the world felt calm. No screaming. No judgmental stares. Just the quiet rhythm of a shared moment and a sleeping boy in her arms.

That's it for this oneee!

This kind of plot is honestly quite fun to write, and Fuma as a girl dad? 😳

I hope y'all enjoyed it 🥹

Likes and rebloggs are appreciated ♥️ ✨️

[dr5amatic]

MONSTER YOU CREATED ,

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from arcane season 1. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to violence. change verbiage as needed.

we're not gonna get caught. we'll be in and out before anyone notices.

thought last time was the last time we were gonna do this.

you could fill a damn library with all the things you didn't do.

a bit of advice. don't threaten the guy who pours the drinks.

when people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish.

you're gonna have to lay low for a bit, understand?

those who did this will be dealt with.

i ruined everything. i always do.

you have to believe me. i didn't do this.

i do love a good conundrum.

no great science should ever put lives in danger.

i believe i've discovered something truly incredible.

we look out for each other. it's the way it's always been.

all i see is a child meddling with things they don't understand.

i was trying to create magic.

arcane talents are something you're born with. they can't be fabricated.

you don't understand what's at stake, but how can you? that's a burden that only i carry.

if dangerous ideas didn't excite the imagination, we would never wander astray.

there's a monster inside all of us.

you're just a small man in a little hole the world forgot to bury.

i know you wanna hurt the topsiders for what they've done to us, but who are you willing to lose?

i saw it with my own eyes what magic can do, the lives it could save. you've no idea how beautiful it is.

when you're going to change the world, don't ask for permission.

what makes you different makes you strong.

you'll oblige a doomed man one last smoke, won't you?

you never did know when to walk away.

what have you done? this wasn't the deal!

you'll get people killed. for what? pride?

oh, i hated you for what you'd done, but as time passed, so did my hate. and i was left with an understanding.

the only way to defeat a superior enemy is to stop at nothing to become what they fear.

you'll die for the cause, but you won't fight for one?

willing to risk exile for your endeavor. that's quite the conviction.

wait a minute, this isn't my bedroom.

another late night. the work just doesn't end.

you were supposed to guard the cargo.

it was your job to make sure things went smoothly. you failed. don't disappoint me again.

do you have any idea what you've done?

how do you intend to prove any of this?

did my parents pay you to let me win?

i don't need favors. i need you to do your job.

you've just made yourself everyone's common enemy.

that place looks like it has bodies buried in the basement.

you're a symbol of the future now, whether you like it or not.

how can i say no to such an auspicious offer.

if you really want people to talk to you, you have to let them think you have what they want.

what is truth, but a survivor's story?

if i'm discovered, we're both finished.

are you headed home soon? i thought we could walk together.

betrayal, that pain that feels like it'll eat you from the inside out, can either break you or forge you into something greater.

loneliness is often the byproduct of a gifted mind.

do you contemplate death?

it's a sad truth that those who shine brightest often burn fastest.

i hate feeling so useless.

i know you have your reservations about me, but this only works if we can trust each other.

i just... want to feel what it was like... to be somebody. to make other people afraid.

how many problems can one girl cause?

you can fire that thing if you want, but i'm not going anywhere.

i'm not going to abandon you again.

i knew it was a mistake trusting you.

you look good for a dead girl.

that was a long time ago. people change.

nature has made us intolerant to change, but fortunately, we have the capacity to change our nature.

i know the look of a doomed man.

love and legacy are the sacrifices we make for progress.

i should have been there. for you. for everyone.

we came from a world where there was never enough to go around. that's why we fight. do you remember?

who found you? who cared for you? gave you a home?

i am your family. everyone else betrays us.

i'm only asking you to prepare to defend your people.

i'm worried i have to do something i never thought i would.

if you want to last in this world, you must learn to be both the fox and the wolf.

you'd give me a throne?

i'll give you the world if you prove you can take it.

sometimes, death is a mercy.

every time i think you can't get dumber, you dig a new low.

ego is one thing, brain is another.

weapons can't be unmade and they are always used.

that looks like more than a sprain. you need medical attention.

you have the passion of youth.

oil and water. wasn't meant to be.

we got a deal, pretty boy?

you've always been a part of this. you just never had to look it in the eye.

you really are fond of him.

i wanted to protect the city from people like you.

i can't believe you'd start a war just to cover your ass.

i would set the world ablaze to protect our family.

we lost ourselves. lost our dream. in the pursuit of great, we failed to do good. we have to make it right.

i'm trying to save you from annihilation.

i can't make a deal with a snake and cut off its head. we both have our shitty parts to play.

you'd be surprised what you can pull off when your life depends on it.

it's not enough to give people what they need to survive. you have to give them what they need to live.

is there anything so undoing as a daughter?

nothing ever stays dead.

the only thing that kept me going was the thought of getting back to you.

you're my daughter. i'll never forsake you.

remember who you are! i know you remember!

don't cry. you're perfect.

i thought maybe you could love me like you used to. even though i'm... different. but you changed too.

[loveforeren]

୨⎯ If we only had more time⎯୧

Pairing: Eren Yeager x Sick!Reader

Synopsis: You and Eren had been together since your sophomore year of high school. You guys were now in your sophomore year of college when you got devastating news. You were sick, and not just any type of illness. You didn't have long to live. They told you that they don't know what the illness is or how to treat it. So all you can do is wait for the day you die. There's only one problem you have approximately 2 months lefts and you've been avoiding Eren due to it. You haven't told him, and you were being put in the hospital..very soon.

Content Warning: Sick Reader, Angst, Small Argument, Unknown Illness, Sad Ending.

A/N: I wrote this because I was bored...I don't write angst often loves. I'll be posting a either longish Kokushibo fanfic or another Miguel snippet soon. Also, yall should listen to Promise By Laufey.

You look out the window to see Eren's car pull up in front of your small townhouse. Your body shakes at the thought of telling him. You watch as he walks to the door and knocks. You take a deep breath before slowly creaking open the door.

It's been months since you got the devastating news. The news you weren't going to live much longer. They don't know what the illness is or how to cure it. The only thing they know is it's causing your body to break down and destroy itself at a rapid pace. They're trying every medication they can think of and nothing works. When you told your parents they broke down in tears begging the doctors to help their child. When you told your friends they cried for hours and promised to make the most of the time you had left. There was one person you didn't tell, Eren, your boyfriend. You couldn't bring yourself to do it. You couldn't bare to tell him, but you couldn't put it off any longer. You were being put into the hospital sometime this week or next and you couldn't put off telling him any longer. You knew he was worried because, for the past few weeks, you haven't been around him as often. You couldn't the pain your body was in was too much to bare. You had to tell him today. You had no choice.

"Hey Ma." He said with a grin.

His arms wrapped around you and he buried his face into your neck.

"H-hey Eren." You stumble over your words. Your body shakes and your chest starts to hurt slightly.

"What's wrong? You're shaking." Eren points out as you tried to calm yourself

You pull him over to the couch sit him down and sit next to him. Your heart was beating out your chest.

"Eren...I need to tell you something." You murmured loud enough for him to hear.

He looks at you with his beautiful green eyes piercing you. Your chest started to hurt more and more by every passing second.

"So..I-.." Your words get caught on your throat.

Eren notices this and puts his hand on your thigh.

"Ma, calm down. Take your time." He said.

You took a few deep breaths and started bouncing your leg to calm yourself.

"A few months ago, I went to the doctor for a small little check-up. You know I was in pain for some reason." You say trying to keep your tears in.

Eren nods, and you can already tell he's getting anxious by the way your acting.

"They didn't know the cause of my pain, so they ran a few tests...They made a discovery. My body has been destroying itself slowly..and-" you words get caught in your throat but you force yourself to continue.

"They said I don't have much longer to live.." you say quietly looking away from Eren.

"Baby. What do you mean you don't have much longer to live? You're sick? Why didn't you tell me this?" Eren asked question after question.

You look back at him and see his beautiful green eyes starting to flood with tears. His hair became disheveled from him raked his hands through it trying to calm himself.

"I..couldn't tell you." You said now tearing up too.

"Why not!" His voice boomed through the small place you were in. His tears finally escaped and ran down his face rapidly.

"Because I was fucking scared Eren! How can I tell the man I love I was going to die? I didn't know how and I didn't when to tell you." Your voice raises as you start to cry too.

"Y/N you're fucking dying! I deserve to know the love of my life is dying!" His voice cracked.

"I know. I know I'm sorry Eren I didn't know how to tell you." You rasped out.

"I-isn't there any medicine you can take?" Eren stumbled over his words.

You watch Eren's face scrunch up. You thought he was mad at you until he pulled you into a tight hug. His arms snaking around you. His head on your shoulder.

"We've tried everything..nothing is working." You say as tears pour down your face.

"I don't wanna lose you. I can't lose you." He cried.

You cried just as much as your body ached slightly but you didn't even care at this point.

"I'm sorry Eren. I'm so sorry." Your voice cracked.

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

It's been a few days since you told Eren. Ever since then, Eren stuck to your hip. Going to every appointment, sleeping over at your house, going with you to the store. Wherever you were Eren was bound to be. That was until the doctors advised you to stay in the hospital full-time.

"Eren I have to go the doctors said I should stay in the hospital." You said as he hugged you tightly.

"I know...I just-...just let me hug for a few more minutes and I'll drop you off there." He rasped out trying to not cry.

He stayed there hugging you tightly for a few more minutes then let go of you. His beautiful green eyes filled with sadness.

"I'll drop you off now.." he said looking down his fist clenching slightly to stop himself from crying.

The drive there was silent besides your stuff the doctor said you could bring rattling around in the back of the car. Eren's hand stayed on your thigh the entire time. You could feel whenever he was getting extremely anxious because his grip on the thigh would strengthen.

When you guys finally made it there you watched as Eren parked the car and then rested his head on the steering wheel.

"Eren.." you say quietly.

It seems like he's in a trance because he didn't hear him.

"Eren." You say again.

His head snaps up to look at him and you see his eyes filled with tears again. His eyes were red as tears spilled out.

"I'm sorry. I'm trying to calm down before we go in there." He says.

Your heart was breaking. You hated seeing him like this because of you. You hated that you were going to leave him so soon.

Your hand went up to his cheek, and he nuzzled his face into your hand. His lips kissed your hand gently. As he took a few deep breaths to pull himself together.

"I love you...I love you so much Y/N" He said his voice laced with worry.

"I love you too." You kiss him gently as he tries to calm himself.

It's been a few weeks since you've been in the hospital, and Eren was there every single day. He only went 3 places his house, school, and the hospital. You could see the stress eating away at him. Especially when you have coughing fits, or your body would randomly aches for hours. You didn't want to tell him just how painful it was. If you had to explain the pain in one word it would be excruciating, absolutely excruciating. You couldn't tell him that though worrying him would only cause you more stress. Today the doctor was going to ask you about the pain again, usually, Eren is at school. This time he was here and you knew you couldn't lie. The doctor has caught you in your lies at least 4 times. There was no use in trying to lie.

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

"So Miss Y/N, How has your body been feeling lately?" The doctor asks with a clipboard in their hand.

"Ah...Doctor Hange...My body..uhm.." you try to tell the doctor but Eren's presence was scaring you. You didn't want him to worry.

"It hurts a lot when I breathe in the left side of my chest, my legs ache if I stand for too long, my head hurts a lot, and...I've been experiencing dizzy spells. If I'm being honest...my whole body hurts..ears are constantly pounding.." you say quietly.

You watch as Eren's face turns into a sad frown and his hands fidget together.

"I see...I'll come back to you after I look at the test that we ran the other day," Hange said walking out quietly.

Eren quietly scrambled over to you and laid on your lap. Your hand strokes his head as he shakes.

"Ma, I..I love you.." he whispered.

"I love you too 'Ren" You smile bitterly.

He lays on your lap for about 10 minutes before Hange came back in trying to hide their grim expression.

"Miss Y/N I would like to speak to you privately." They said.

Eren looked at you about the protest but you sighed.

"Eren..go please you can come back in once we are done."

︵‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿

Doctor Hange told you the most devastating news you could hear. Your body seemed to be deteriorating even faster than before. Your pain was only going to get worse and worse. They said there was some more medicine you could try but it wasn't guaranteed to work. They also quietly stated you could get euthanized but they were strongly against it. They told you that they didn't want you to stress and to tell them what you wanted when you were ready. You quietly stated that you wanted the pain to end early, and that if that was the only way then so be it.

After Doctor Hange was done, Eren walked back in frantically. His eyes shoot to your very troubled expression. As of that moment, he didn't know that you had chosen to end your life. You had to break the news to him, and you hated that.

"Hi, Eren." You say with a say sad smile.

He quickly scrambles by your side and holds your hand.

"So...I was talking with the doctor, and they said I had two options.." you stated eyes looking down to avoid his sad expression.

You explain them and watch as his face darkens. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was either when you were in bad condition to basically pull the plug or to let you suffer. Both options were terrible.

"There's...nothing else we can do..?" He asks quietly gripping your hand.

"No...I'm sorry.." Hange said.

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Days have passed and like Hange said you've only got worse. You lost so much weight, you were pale, your eyes could barely stay open, you threw up everything you ate and drank, and your breathing was labored. Eren stayed through it all. But unfortunately, it was the time your vitals weren't looking good, and the doctors could tell.

All of your friends and family were there to say their last goodbyes to you. It was bittersweet they knew you'd get peace but they'd also lose you. Eren stayed in the room watching from a distance with a grim expression. He wanted to cry but he simply couldn't as of now. His body wouldn't allow it. Maybe it was saving up for when you departed. Or maybe it was because he cried so much that he simply couldn't anymore.

After all your family and friends left, Eren came to you holding your hand gently. You smiled sadly. He lay there in a comfortable silence until he felt you fell asleep. He soon after followed suit. The exhaustion taking over.

‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

"Eren~" you giggled.

Eren turned to see you smiling brightly and hugged you tightly.

"Baby, please don't go.." Eren begged.

You smile softly and kiss all over his face gently. Each kiss you whispered something you loved about him.

"I'll never truly leave you, my love." You said sweetly.

You were shining so brightly like when you guys were in high school. He knew this was goodbye. You turn to hear someone calling you and smile. You began to walk away fading in the distance as Eren chased you.

"Y/N!" He screamed stumbling to the ground.

Eren jolted from his sleep and saw you with a sweet smile on your sickly face. He put his hand on your face you felt cold. His body froze shockingly still.

"Baby?" He said his throat beginning to tighten

"Nurse!" He screamed so loud that entire side of hospital probably heard.

"No, no, no please!" He cried

You died with the illness finally staking its claim on your life. Eren never truly got over your death. How could he? Still, that dream gave him some comfort.

[bbanghiitomi]

THE SAME PLACE AND DIFFERENT TIME

pairing: kim minji x fem reader

trope: fish out of water! childhood friends! first love! little bit of angst! fluff!

waking up feels weird for y/n again, inside the body of a first year college student, her little young soul is stuck somewhere she doesn't want to be. peeking on the window of her colorless room, it's an ordinary sunday, clear skies with no clouds and her view is blocked by buildings. it's so boring sitting here inside her room, a bed with no presence of a certain person she longs for. there's almost no time for her, the world is too fast and there's always something to look forward for.

but lately, her days have become more boring, it feels like she's starting to lose the meaning of a secret world she used to have as a child. consumed by sadness and boredom, y/n doesn't really know what to do, she's stuck inside her dorm maybe for a few more years?

"no, i shouldn't sulk like this..." y/n mentally sighs as she stands up from her bed and walks towards her study table. she hasn't changed one bit, at least that's what she thinks, she's the same old kid who hates sitting around looking sad, someone who persists through every conflict and is spontaneous.

if minji were to see her again, would she think the same?

y/n have always wondered about that, when she thinks of minji, she starts to miss the tall girl again, like always since she left to study far from her home. y/n at first liked to believe it hasn't been that long, until maybe a few more years passed because she hopes when she comes back, minji would remember her again.

but in reality, it's been more than 2 years, 5 years to be exact... in that amount of time, how many memories did minji make without y/n? how many people did she meet?

how long did she ever think about y/n? when every hour felt like another day without warmth for y/n.

does she care for y/n anymore? the thought is extremely scary, thinking about being forgotten is scary...

y/n sits on her chair, grabbing her laptop as she opens it and looks at an email from her school, after her test, the school announces a break for the students and it's 4 weeks.

enough time to go back to gangwon province and maybe see minji again.

"no!" y/n shakes her head as she buries her face on her palms, the warmth of embarrassment spreads around her face. will she even remember me? y/n thinks to herself as she sighs, stretching her arms to her table and leaning over to it, her fingers touching the small and fuzzy bear figurine that minji have gifted her before, there's a smaller version of it, the baby bear.

back then, there really wasn't a lot to worry about, just when y/n's piano practice starts or when minji needs to go back home. back then, these feelings she had for minji were all just something to laugh about and forget tomorrow, but it turned into something bigger the longer she looks for minji.

times used to be more simple and minji used to be enough for her to reach, maybe she have wished for too much and that dream she had since she was little came true, but now y/n feels lonely.

the girl also comes across her last messages to minji, before everything went radio silent.

"sorry!" as if she have caused minji some trouble again.

"it's okay. message me again when you're free." minji sent her.

"okay!" y/n's reply and she hasn't gotten any free time ever since.

should she really come back? is the biggest question she wants to know right now, before she spends her break rotting on her bed all day long.

luckily, y/n's parents came to the rescue, they've been planning on building a small house in a small town in the province and they wanted to hear her thoughts. that means y/n can have an actual reason to go back...

on her way home in the car, y/n sits behind and listens as her parents converse. "what have our daughter been doing? we missed you so much." y/n's mother pipes in, the girl gives her mother a smile before leaning towards her mother's seat. "a lot actually, i didn't know there's a lot to do in college."

her father's laughs, shaking her head. "you'll get used to it kid, we've been living in the city for 5 years... things will get more rocky in the future." he says, y/n nods and smiles at her father. "i understand." she mutters.

her mother smiles endearingly at the interaction before looking behind her daughter who immediately meets her gaze, "don't you want to see minji?" she asks, y/n raises her brows and purses her lips before leaning back to the backseat and shrugging.

"i actually don't know if i want to..." she admits, sighing before laughing and shaking her head. "it's just that, it's been 5 years." she adds, y/n's father takes a peek at his daughter and looks at his wife before back at the road.

"didn't we talk to her family last week?" he asks, y/n's mother perks up and nods, looking at their daughter, who then gives them both a confused look.

"oh right! we missed the town so much, we decided to build a home again in the same neighborhood." y/n looks at her parents and squints her eyes at them before speaking. "okay? and what did you guys talk about?" the parents look at each other before laughing.

"a lot, about the house, the town, the city, university and you! minji said she misses you." y/n's father say and y/n cannot help the way her eyes widens. "o-oh... really?" she mutters.

her mother nods with a bright smile. "she said, you seem very busy and she was wondering why you weren't with us." y/n fixes her hair and the way she sits, before raising her index finger. "so, what do you guys plan to do there?" she asks.

her father looks straight to the road, occasionally peeking at his daughter from time to time. "well, minji's family owns a small inn, right? we can stay there for a while, talk about what we want our house to look like." he shrugs, y/n nods and gives her parents a small smile.

"i won't mind that. i wish it would look like our old house though." the girl receives nods from her parents and it didn't take them any longer until they finally arrived their old town.

standing in the middle of the street, y/n looks rather... lost? or maybe she is, the day is about to end and y/n starts to hear crickets all over the place. it's as if she's never been in this town, there's so many turns, left and right and it's making her head dizzy.

there weren't that much people too, it's like she's in a ghost town! it's not like this in the city, so bustling and loud, full of life.

and y/n starts to wonder whether she was really from this place, did she really grow up here? why does this place look so unfamiliar? just a few moments ago, y/n walked away from the inn before she could even see minji, wanting to gain enough courage to talk to the tall girl again.

and now here she is, lost in the town, not sure where to go. this moment made y/n realize she's changed, a lot... that maybe she really wasn't the same person she was before. the small y/n would never be lost like this...

still, y/n wants to find her way back home, even if she doesn't know where.

"do you still know this way?" y/n hears someone behind her and she immediately turns her body around to look at the familiar face of her childhood friend.

"m-minji..." she can only mutter, minji laughs and walks towards the girl. "why did you leave? when i went to welcome your family to the inn, you were nowhere." y/n shakes her head and puts a hand on her face and she sighs.

"i just wanted to walk around..." though, it was clearly a lie. minji nods and raises her hand as if to gesture y/n to follow. "let's go back to the inn." minji tells the girl, a very endearing and totally not charming smile on her face.

the girl nods and tucking in lost strands of her hair behind her ear before watching minji walk past her and the girl follows immediately.

minji doesn't look back but she's smiling, it's nerve-wracking, y/n doesn't know what to really say as if the words are stuck in her throat. no motivation to fight for her feelings.

"so, how's the city? i heard many great things come from there." minji starts, looking behind. the girl looks at minji and sees the smile on minji's face, her round eyes and very recognizable lips. y/n looks down with a blush on her cheeks and then back up at minji again as she laughs. "oh it's fine, i grew kind of tired of the noise and how boring the city could be." y/n answers, minji blinks twice before turning to the road again.

as they walk, they see kids frolic around the area, to the park and around some corners of the village. seeing that makes y/n reminisce about the past again, how fun and simple it was, what did change? she wonders.

"wasn't it your dream? you told me before." minji remembers that, but remembering it reminded you that you wanted that dream for your parents, because it's a big thing.

"my parents' actually, but then again, their dreams are mine." y/n sees minji nod, her back turned to y/n again as they walk and finally reach the inn. surprisingly, your parents weren't that upset, very understanding too. "thank god minji was there earlier, we knew she'd pick you up right away." y/n's father walks over to minji and pats her shoulder.

"so happy to see you again kid! i'm sure my daughter is too." minji smiles at y/n's father, nodding her head before looking at y/n, who cannot find a way to avoid the other girl. "that's great to know. have you brought your things up inside your inn already, sir?" she asks, and y/n's parents nod.

"we did! don't worry, by the way we should get going for now. we haven't gotten dinner." y/n's mother waves her hand towards minji and leaves with her husband, y/n stops walking in front of minji and looks at her parents before back at minji.

"thanks... i hope i didn't bother you." she smiles apologetically and fixes her hair, minji feels her heart beating as she looks at the girl. minji shrugs and shakes her palms that are starting to get wet. "nope, it's okay. you should get some rest now."

"okay, see you tomorrow." they stare at each other for a good 3 minutes before y/n looks away and starts walking unusually faster to their inn.

"you left the construction site?" minji asks the girl, who looks up from where she was sitting and stands up, fixing her skirt. minji's eyes went to look at y/n's skirt and immediately, like nothing happened up at y/n's eyes.

"uh huh." she says, nodding her head before laughing sheepishly. "i got bored and yeah, i want to do something else." y/n says, minji nods and puts her hands on the pocket of her pants.

"you haven't changed a bit." minji says, letting out a small chuckle. y/n look up back at her, raising an eyebrow at the tall girl. "what?" she whispers, minji walks behind a bit. "i mean, i don't think you changed at all. you're still the same girl from before." y/n feels her cheeks blaze as she nods, humming.

the playground is empty in the middle of the day, when kids are at school, just like it was before. it's almost as if it was the same place, and yes it was but... it also feels like the same time, y/n doesn't feel like she's grown any older.

yes, minji looked more mature, looked prettier, taller and her hair grew longer and more silky.

"really? i always thought i've changed a lot." y/n tells minji, she receives a smile from the other girl. "well, you looked prettier now. but other than that, you wear the same type of clothes." y/n blinks when minji says that she turned prettier... y/n blinks again and laughs sheepishly, looking down on her skirt.

"ah yeah, i feel more like myself in these." truth to be told, it's more on projection. thinking about how much she's changed mentally is tiring, it's like the life in city left her caged with nothing to do but the same thing. the only way she can relived her past self is by wearing the same clothes she used to wear.

minji looks at y/n's clothes and back the the girl's face. "it's nice. living in the city, i'm surprised you're still hesitant about your looks." minji chuckles and scratches the back of her head, y/n blinks her eyes twice and then away. "i just feel like sometimes i don't feel right in my own clothes."

"you look right, amazing even." minji shrugs before offering her hand to y/n. "it's been so long since i last saw you." minji adds, y/n stretches her arm and opens her hand to hold minji's, the texture of minji's palm never changes, despite all the work she does in their house it's still soft.

"i'm sorry if i couldn't even message you..." y/n says, recalling the times she couldn't make any time to reply or even hit minji up. minji shrugs and caress y/n's hand. "i understand, it's not easy being in college. i hope you're fine though..." y/n smiles at minji and puts another hand on their hands.

"i'm so glad to see you again, it feels so weird..." y/n purses her lips before sighing and speaking again. "it's like i'm going around chasing a bunny, then again i'm lost." minji nods, tilting her head to get a better look of your face.

"some people really don't understand the secret this world has." there's so much to do, so much to eat, so much to say, so many to love and care for. there's not enough time to do everything but the most. y/n looks up at minji as the tall girl speaks. "you told me before right? that happiness are those small things."

at the end of the day, y/n is just a crybaby.

in this bright world full of fantastic things, there's no time to feel bored.

"yeah... and we used to eat cookies, and almost i don't know what i was doing before." y/n laughs, minji looks away. there's a blooming, ticklish, funny feeling inside minji when she's here holding your hands, it's the same giddy feeling while playing stupid games before, the same feeling looking at your face but this feeling was never there for anyone else.

"you used to never think twice, no matter how crucial it is. you also used to get lost a lot too, then i'd look for you." minji says, y/n giggles and brings their hands closer to her chest. "thinking about those stuff, feels like looking at a picture book right?" y/n says, minji nods.

the skies are turning orange, and kids are running towards the playground. maybe the reason the little kid y/n was before didn't get lost because she had minji.

"you used to always get in trouble..." minji laughs and y/n shakes her head, whining. "i was just really annoying!"

it's such a ridiculous story, feels like no one will believe. seeing minji's face again, the patch of mud on the sidewalk and the kids frolicking around in their own world.

"i missed you a lot." minji speaks again, this time her voice sounded more delicate as if she meant every one of her word. it's been so long, days, weeks, months and years have passed but minji still remembers y/n.

the girl looks at minji as if she's about to cry, because those words mean a lot to her. y/n nods, letting go of minji's hand before she steps and wraps her arms around minji. "i missed you too!" y/n sobs, causing minji to laugh.

"come on, are you really just gonna weep like that?" minji teases, y/n buries her head on minji's shoulder, wiping her tears on the taller girl's shirt. "seriously..." y/n whispers.

minji pats y/n's back, an arm around the girl's waist. "ah, it's getting darker." minji mutters, y/n ignores her and sobs again. "i really think of you a lot, when i look at my last message to you... i wish i can do something about it." y/n whispers, her voice cracking every syllable.

"you know i'm not going anywhere, right?" minji whispers back, putting her hand on top of y/n's head. y/n nods, it's not about that. the girl hates the idea of being away from minji again, she's hated that idea but seeing minji again, like this... makes her hate it even more.

minji isn't leaving but minji is also not going to be there always, it's not about whether she's going to leave or not... after all those years, her little silly feelings for minji, turned into something bigger and more serious, when she yearns for minji's warmth that space inside her heart turns more shallow.

maybe, y/n is scared minji might find someone else...

"don't look for anyone else other than me..." y/n whispers, minji widens her eyes as she hears what was said. minji turns her head to take a peek of y/n's face, but all the girl did was bury her face deeper on minji's neck.

"what do you mean?" this is it. this must be really it.

y/n may feel guilty for sounding selfish admitting that she hates the idea that minji will find someone who'll love her too.

"i... i want to be honest, ever since i left i started to miss you more everyday, it feels like it was never gonna end." y/n takes a sharp breath. feeling the way her heart squeezes as if pouring out all the feelings she's harbored for minji on those years they were away from each other.

it feels like she's inside a woods, lost inside the forest with nowhere to go except the only path she can see.

"it was so long... everything feels like it's the same everyday. people around me moved on, went past and never looked back. i couldn't because i feel it too deeply, and i love too much..." y/n pulls away from minji, letting go of the tall girl... that also forced minji to let her hands off of y/n.

"i didn't want to be left alone, i didn't want to think of you with someone else!" y/n sees the way minji looks at her, the tall girl looks at the playground, the kids are all going home.

y/n puts her hand on her face, wiping her stupid tears away.

"i never looked for anyone else but you... i see you on and off on your account, it gives me hope that you're still there. we're stuck on the same memory, i think of you too a lot." minji shrugs as she speaks and reaches for y/n's hand, minji hears y/n trying to suppress her tears.

"y/n? are you serious?" minji chuckles and holds y/n's hand tighter. the girl looked confused, she tucks in strands of stray hair behind her ear. minji sighs. "i take my time to let you know i'm just here for you to lean on to, stupid messages, so short but it's alright because i know you're okay." minji continues, her other hand reaches for y/n's shoulder.

y/n was silent, she looks like she's hesitating but in reality, there's nothing but minji inside her head.

"it's because i like you!" y/n opens her mouth and stares at minji, surprised about what she had said. minji leans her head closer, seeing y/n blink her eyes and lifting her hands to cover her face.

minji hears y/n whine and she holds the girl's shoulders. "hey..."

"i don't why? we only talk through messages and they're not even that long! i've tried to hard to get rid of these feelings but it's not working! you're really the only one i want..." y/n grumbles, her voice is muffled but still audible that it makes minji smile to see how intense the girl's feelings are for her.

"i understand." minji states as she moves her hand to hold y/n's nape, pulling her closer and making the girl take her hands off of her face until their foreheads touch. minji holds y/n's waist with her other hand. "don't ever change, okay? you and your feelings, don't change." minji whispers.

y/n hears the crickets and then maybe her own heartbeat, distracted by the way minji looks at her eyes... it could be the street lamps but minji's eyes looks like she has the whole milky way galaxy in them.

minji laughs as she feels how warm y/n has gotten.

out of nowhere, the tall girl leans to kiss y/n on the lips, not that long but enough for y/n to feel it linger all over her.

the wind blows, but suddenly it's not so cold here anymore.

minji doesn't give y/n any time to react and immediately pulls her in a hug. "dummy. i love you too, okay? you're not alone." minji mutters.

y/n lowers her head, leaning on minji's shoulder and she finds herself diving in deeper in their hug. "gosh, this feels like it's not real..." y/n mutters, minji laughs again and places a kiss on y/n's cheek.

"but it is real, wanna go back to the inn?" minji asks, gently lifting y/n from the ground, causing the girl to shriek and laugh.

and it's fun like that, exploring new feelings and diving in it without thinking much. it's fun basking on its wonderful effects, how amazing love can be or just how unpredictable circumstances are sometimes.

it's another day, y/n feels like she dreams a lot now. she doesn't want to forget her dreams.

when the girl sits up, she opens her eyes and sees how blurry her vision was. the girl rubs her eyes for a few seconds, before opening them again.

she was greeted by the pink walls of her room, exactly the same copy of her childhood room but without the stains of time.

was she dreaming? y/n peeks on her window, a very sunny day with bright skies and clouds all over the blue horizon.

just an ordinary day.

y/n looks on the floor of her room, her shoes with a patch of mud on it.

thankfully, she wasn't dreaming at all.

the door of her room opens, from the shoes, y/n looks up to see minji smiling at her. "hey, it's 11am already." the girl says, y/n smiles and jumps off of her bed, running towards minji and embracing the tall girl in a hug.

"ah! thank you!" y/n rubs her cheek on minji's shoulder, humming. the tall girl looks at her girlfriend, confused. "what happened?" she asks.

y/n shakes her head and laughs. thinking that what if everything was a dream? y/n was scared that once she opens her eyes, minji will be out of reach again. but she's wrong, minji is here.

"nothing, i'm so happy you're here again! and that you wake me up before it gets late." y/n says, minji nods and pats y/n's head, sighing. "ah yeah, come on we have somewhere to go." minji pulls y/n out of her room, their laughter is heard across the corridor as they walk to the dining room.

y/n might have been lost on her way home, maybe it took her too long to find her way back... but she's back! that's all that matters, minji is with her to guide her wherever she goes, just like when they were younger.

[barrenclan]

HI i just finished reading the comic and it's so so incredible!!!! your art is gorgeous and your work with the story is completely unmatched <3

I've been listening to the song Butcher Vanity by Vane Lily a lot and it strikes me as a Deepdark song!

Thank you! I'm so glad you like the comic. I agree, Deepdark's desire to kill and eat and never stop consuming is what defines him. I'll use the chance to share a PMV by my pal Katti, the creator of The Exiled comic who made a really excellent PMV with the song :)

I think someone else had the same idea as well, it looks like it's already been suggested before :) but yes it does fit very well! Any song about a land/town/etc that's been cursed and rotten forever works great.

Tell me now of the very soul that look alike, look alike Do you know the stranglehold covering their eyes? If I call on every soul in the land, on the moon Tell me if I'll ever know a blessing in disguise

The curse ruled from the underground, down by the shore And their hope grew with a hunger to live unlike before

I never knew this song was from the Justice League movie?? Wow, that's wild. It is a good song for PATFW as a whole.

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed Everybody knows the war is over Everybody knows the good guys lost Everybody knows the fight was fixed The poor stay poor, the rich get rich That's how it goes Everybody knows

I have! In fact, the song "Hellfire" is the character theme song for Cootstorm. I made a drawing of it awhile ago.

Did you know that in fact someone made an animated video with Rainhaze to this very song? It's really cool, you should check it out!

Yeah, it's pretty Rainhaze! Especially in his post-Asphodelpaw murder manic phase.

If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see You’d look through illusions, hallucinations, and lucid dream And I know that meaning can be such a pretty thing to keep But I got facts and I’m not afraid to use ‘em, take the good with the bad, take off the back you make a new front Some days I'm glad that I am a madman and I’d rather be that than An amicable animal, mild-mannered cannibal

Aww wait :(

Looks like the cat did a number on you Vienna, oh He took a brick off the side of the stoop Poor vienna It'll be over soon Your mamas waiting for ya But you're not coming home

Your mamas been so worried Cause you never came home Beneath the ground you're buried In memoriam

Yes I think it could be! Even more, I think it's exemplary of Deepdark's general charisma and desire to recruit people into Defiance, reminiscent of his speech from Issue 28.

You and me should go outside And beat 'em, beat 'em, beat 'em, beat 'em, beat 'em All pathetic flag waving ignorant geeks And we'll eat 'em, eat 'em, eat 'em, eat 'em, eat 'em

Come join the cause, come join the cause Who wants to come with me and come join the cause? Hide in the sky, hide in the sky Who wants to come with me and hide in the sky?

Oh, my mom loves this album, I grew up listening to it. This does remind me a bit of them, how sweet and sad.

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes Let them know you realize that life goes fast It's hard to make the good things last You realize the sun doesn't go down It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize That you have the most beautiful face? Do you realize?

What a unique take on their relationship! I do like the theme of Ranger guiding Rainhaze's hand, and the parent-child energy is very interesting for them. Interesting take on Mordred, for that matter.

Guileless Son, I'll shape your belief And you'll always know that your father's a thief And you won't understand the cause of your grief But you'll always follow the voices beneath

Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty Loyalty only to me

[russellsppttemplates]

So a bit sad ask. Burying your cat, the kids are sad and they are confused why it happened , so the reader and max/george kinda have to explain about what happened (introduction about life and death) , reader is extra sad cause its the cat she know for a long time

I just buried one of the strey cat that stay around my house so.......🙃 Yeahhhh so hug your pet please for meeee

Note: I'm so sorry 🥺 sending you a big big hug ✨️

Cw: death of a pet (cat), mentions burial and talking to kids about death

"I'm afraid, but there's nothing we can do", the vet said as you and Max sighed, stroking Jimmy's fur as he laid down on his carrier, cuddled up to the blanket. The cat hadn't been behaving like he usually does, and after the kids pointed out the same, you took him to the vets. After a couple of scans and tests, they told you the worst news you expected to hear.

After prescribing medications to keep him comfortable at home, you took your four pawed child home, your hand in Max's thigh as he drove while he rubbed the top of your palm with his thumb, "want to share what's on your mind?", you mumbled.

"It's... I knew this would happen someday, but it's sad still", Max spoke after gathering his thoughts for a bit, "I know, I feel the same. At least he can be home with us, and he won't be in pain", you attempted at lightning the mood.

When you woke up to Sassy tapping the duvet, your heart squeezed as you shook your husband awake, "Max", you called as he noticed the scene, knowing why you woke him up before the alarm. In their cat beds, Jimmy laid perfectly still, no other movements other than Sassy meowing and trying to get him to move by touching his nose.

You brought them downstairs, preparing the spot in the garden once the kids woke up, "I'm sad, mama", Finn finally spoke as Julia stayed in Max's lap, her little hand clutching his t-shirt as she cried quietly.

"It's okay to feel sad, my love, and to cry, too", you explained, "everything you feel is valid, okay? And we are all here to go through this together", you smiled sadly, Max squeezing your hand in his.

"Why does this happen?", Julia asked honestly, "we'll, princess, this is a part of life. Jimmy got to live many, many years with us - he was a lot older than you and Finn - and now he got sick. He was in a little bit of pain, that's why me and mama gave the medications. And he got to be very loved for all of it", Max tried his best to explain to the little girl, "it's not fair", she chirped in, "I know, Julia", he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Is Sassy going to die, too?", Finn spoke up, his mind taking him one step further as Julia looked up at her parents so she could hear the answer, "one day, yes. The doctor said we don't have anything to worry about, Sassy is very healthy and should have some healthy years left. But yes, it will happen", you explained.

"Well", Finn said as he pushed Sassy closer to the four of you, "when we're going to continue to love you so wo so much, Sassy", he declared.

After saying one last goodbye in the garden, you and Max prepared a little station so the kids could make a scrapbook, using the small printer to print out photos of the best memories you had with Jimmy, "is this me?", Julia asked at the picture where the cats where smelling the new baby, "That's Finn, actually, it was the first day we brought him home. When we brought you home, the cats were so excited we didn't even take a picture of the first time you met them, but this one here is you", you grabbed it, showing her a picture of her taking a nap with the cats around her, "I was so tiny", she commented.

"This was the day Jimmy accidentally fell in the pool", Finn showed Max, who was glueing down the last sticker down on the page, giggling as the memory came up, "he had to swim to the edge and mama helped him out, he even scratched her hand, remember?", he recalled before showing it to Julia, "you were little still, but you should've seen him! He just swam as hard as he could!".

When Max put the kids to bed, he found you sitting against the headboard of your bed, Sassy on your lap and your hands stroking the soft fur, stopping when the wiped your cheeks, "hey, liefje", Max said, taking off his t-shirt and climbing next to you as you cuddled his naked torso as Sassy went back to the cat bed, "they're the first cats I truly cared over - you know my family are mostly dog people - and it's sad", you pouted, "remember when he kept biting my ankles when I first came over to your flat?", you giggled as Max did the same, "yes! I was so embarrassed because I thought you'd never want to come back", Max added, "Oh, so many memories with that little fur ball".

(Thank you for your submission ✨️)

[calamitoustide]

first lines of my fics

thank you @angel-daydreams @chericheribaby @courfee @messrsrarchives and @where-is-vivian for the tags ily all <33 this is fun

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don't be shy and share anyway!

interlinked - timeloop adjacent/universe hopping + jegulus soulmates + this is how we save james and regulus both

As a child James used to have very vivid dreams.

The Next Best Thing - regulus and remus find comfort (PLATONICALLY) in each other after james is in an accident

Regulus should've known something was wrong. James is always on time, almost to an annoying degree. He should've known something happened when he didn't show up when he was supposed to, but Regulus lost track of time.

So High School! - high school teachers jeg + secret relationship + raising harry

James is fully aware that when his students ask him about his weekend plans they don’t actually care about his weekend plans. He was a student before too, he knows what it’s like.

Fuck It, I Love You! - moonchaser falling in love during the aftermath "the prank"

For a moment it’s peaceful and James doesn’t remember any of it. It’s a distant call of the wind or a soft-spoken lullaby. His mind is hazy and foggy and nothing else matters, like he’s on a cloud above it all. Floating endlessly in the crystal clear blue, like the sea surrounds him completely. He’s buried in its calming tides taking in breaths and feeling them cover him; protect him.

Meet Me Halfway - jamesley + baby harry + sad james

“Help.” Kingsley blinks; it’s clear that he just woke up. If the wrinkles in his T-shirt don't show enough, his eyes are covered in sleep. Also, it’s three am, but James doesn’t find himself caring about that. In fact, Kingsley might deserve being woken up at this hour. “What?” He sputters.

You Don’t Get To Tell Me About Sad - sad james + band au + exes to lovers jeg

Regulus heard that James left the band on Twitter. There were no calls, or lousy text messages, not that he was expecting anything. They don’t really talk like that anymore.

Vanishing Grace - jegulus tlou au + forced proximity + falling in love

“What are you doing?” Regulus doesn’t need to look over to know Sirius is leaning on the doorway. He keeps looking through the cabinets, occasionally shoving food into his open bag. Swiftly moving through the room careful to not let his footsteps carry throughout the rest of the house.

His Parents' Beautiful Boy - sad james + becoming your own imaginary friend after you die

The morning after James kills himself he wakes up in his childhood bedroom.

Stay With Him - jegingsley + sad james + established relationship

James isn’t sure how long he’s been awake. He knows it’s probably longer than it should be considering the sun hasn’t even come through the windows and it feels like it’s been hours, but he hasn’t moved. He hasn’t fallen back to sleep either. He feels Regulus pressed against his back, his arm thrown over his waist, and he doesn’t want to wake him. Plus waking Regulus will wake Kingsley whose soft breathing is on the other side of the bed so James really can’t move.

is it new years yet? - jegulus christmas/new years fic + line cook james + waiter regulus

The first thing Regulus is met with when walking into work is “Yeah” by Usher blasting from deep within the kitchen. It isn’t even eleven am. He’s going to kill James Potter. 

tagging (no pressure): @inevitablestars @starsworth @pissmotif @otrtbs @ephemeralstarss @jeguluses @static-radio-ao3 @kalegreeneyes @shoopsthereitis @messymoony

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Hello!! This is my first time requesting something so I'm sorry if I did it wrong or something, so I was wondering if you could do one with preferably Dazai where the reader is suicidal and mostly copes with humor. Oh and could the reader also be a teen like 13 years old?

Circus Hop

Self-Aware! Platonic! Dazai Osamu x GN! Teen! Suicidal! Reader

Description: You were two years younger then him, when he tried to end his life for the first time. You resemble him in more, then one way.

Warning: Mentions of Suicide, Suicide attempt. Parental Neglect. Emotional abuse. Terrible parents. Self-harm. Breakdown. English is my second language

Inspired by the song Circus Hop by YonKaGor.

List of Suicide hotline numbers can be found here and here.

____

Your father brought you to this small building. Someone from school insisted on that.

The room she asked you to stay was quiet. Her voice and your father's voices were muffled, because of the door.

Few minutes ago you were talking to the woman. She asked you about your life, your plans for the future, your friends.

Your answers were simple.

Nothing interesting. Don't have any plans for future. Don't want to meet my friends... Just don't want to.

Then she asked you about pictures you have drawn. And asking about your parents about death. And when the thoughts appeared.

Another set of answers.

I feel like drawing it. I feel like talking about it. After Granny's death.

You... think, that you feel like it. You still can feel, right?

Then she asked you to do some tests. First, you must answer, if some sentences can describe you¹, than you must finish some sentences², then group other sentences together ³.

After you finished, she asked you to wait here, while she talks to your father.

You were left alone.

You looked around.

There were nothing interesting for you. Yet, you continue sitting on the sofa and dangling your feet.

You didn't flinch, when your father opened the door, shouting at the woman, who was talking to him.

"Don't you have anything, that will fix them? They are creeping out everyone!"

Woman's voice was firm.

"I already told you, that your child need professional help. You should..."

Your father's gaze became colder.

"I will take them home. They aren't suicidal. They just a little brat who want some attention and who are angry at their mother and I for working too much and not playing in their stupid games. Come, [Y/N], we are leaving!"

He took your hand in his and start to drag you behind him. You simply follow after him.

Before completely leaving the small building, your father stopped.

"Where's your jacket?"

You point at the door, that leads to woman's office.

"There. I forgot it there "

Your father grumble something and, after slapping you on the back of the neck, he walked towards the door and enter the office again.

"Idiotic brat."

Nothing new. As usual.

Then you heard, how the secretary and one of the janitors were talking.

"Another one of these parents. At first, they refuse to treat their children, because they don't have time for that..." Janitor said, glaring at the office door.

"And then, they must find time to bury their kid..." The secretary's gaze was full of sympathy, when she looked at you.

Your father returns with your jacket. You put if on and follow your father again.

He was mumbling under his breath.

"The nerve of this woman... [Y/N]! Just stop being sad. Be happy!"

You mindlessly nodded. You didn't pay much attention to your father's words. One thought were circling in your head.

"Is it important... to attend someone's funeral?"

_______

It was important. At least, The Internet said so.

Your parents... Work hard. If you die, they won't be able to go to your funeral.

You shouldn't die. At lest, for now.

But... You were so tired. You were so afraid. Future was scary. Life was scary.

and you were a failure

You remembered, your father's advice.

"Just stop being sad. Be happy."

Maybe... you could...

________

For a year, you followed your father's advice.

For one year, you manage to keep up a happy façade.

You became interested in life again.

probably... you do become interested in your hobbies again... at least...you don't even scratch your legs or pull out your hair that much.

Dad's advice works.

kind of... your jokes freaked people out... but the school therapist insisted on helping you in secret from your parents.

when dad found out, he enrolled you in a different school.

he yelled at you for being a brat

mom yelled at you for being a difficult child

You must stay happy. Just be happy.

Pretend to be happy.

you just want to be truly happy again

________

You liked BSD even before these thoughts appeared in your head. Your Granny bought you BSD Manga as a birthday present. It is special to you.

Dazai was one of your favorite character before. Now, he truly became your most favorite. You two are similar. He laughs and jokes. You laugh and joke.

both of you need help

You shake your head, chasing away the thoughts.

You open BSD Mayoi app, humming that song again.

________

Dazai felt nervous.

Two weeks ago, he and the rest of BSD Cast finally got into your world. And, he didn't like what he saw.

First, your parents left the country for a business trip. Leaving you under the care of a complete stranger. Who checked on you two times a day. For the rest of the day, they were doing their own business. And don't pick up the phone.

Your parents left a thirteen-year-old you on your own!

Thankfully, with a few bucks from Fitzgerald and a death glare from Fukuzawa, your 'babysitter' left. You were under BSD Cast care now.

Second, your jokes are concerning. Dazai isn't a hypocrite, he admits, that he jokes about ending his own life! When he and others heard your jokes, back in their world, Dazai was sure that it was his bad influence. But, it turns out, the truth was much darker.

Dazai stopped joking about suicide. He didn't want to worsen your condition even more.

Third, the scratches on your legs.

You scraped your knee a few days ago, and Yosano bandaged it. And she saw this strange marks on your legs. Scratches. Deep. Dazai had a feeling, that you were the one, who made them.

Dazai was worried about you. He wanted to help you.

_______

With each day, it became harder and harder for you to pretend to be happy.

BSD Cast makes sure of that.

They weren't rude. They didn't yell. They... were there.

Asking if you need help. Telling you, that you are allowed to cry. That they will always be there for you.

You wanted to tell them everything. To tell the truth.

But, the call from your father happened.

_____

"Why your voice shaking, [Y/N]? Are you being a brat again?"

"I...I..."

"You're a little ungrateful... You want to make our lives hard?! Did you like it?! You know what, fine! If you didn't want to be there so badly, then d[|||||||||||||||]! See, if your mother and I will cry."

The call ended.

And you were broken.

______

It was dinner time. And you were uncharacteristically silent. No laughter. No jokes. No questions. No talking about your day. Nothing.

Then in the middle of the dinner, you start humming the song. Song, that they heard you humming all the time.

But your eyes were empty.

Dazai carefully touch your shoulder.

"[Y/N], kiddo? Are you alright?"

You slowly nodded. An empty grin appears on your face.

"I am! I am fine... I am happy! I...I can even sing a song!"

BSD Cast looked at each other. Dazai carefully spoke.

"A song?"

You nodded, taking your phone. You quickly found an instrumental.

"Yes! Want to hear it?"

You didn't wait for his, or anyone's response, you pressed play button. The song started playing from the middle.

A cheerful melody start playing.

Soon you sang.

"I shall now accept the fact that I'm a failure (You're a failure). 'Cause I'm still afraid the future might be scarier (It is scarier). I'll slip while having fun and cut off my own tongue. They'll think I was dumb!"

The grin on your face and empty gaze was frightening. Everyone slowly stand up from the table. Fukuzawa took a step towards you.

"[Y/N], if something is wrong, please..."

You ignored him.

"Up from the sky, I won't want you to cry. So here's an act for everyone to sneer at"

Suddenly, you stand up and star jumping up and down.

"So sing along, it's such a silly song. The cackling carousel, it spins and never stops. The acrobat who's waiting at the top. Should do a circus hop!"

You let out a hysterical laughter.

Mom and dad won't cry. No one would care. You can't be happy. You didn't feel anything. No one would care.

"I've said goodbye, I don't want you to cry. So have a laugh with everyone but me"

You were now standing in the middle of the room. You didn't pay attention to BSD Cast. To their pleas to talk to them.

The only thing that matters to you was the open window.

Quick.

You made a dash towards the window. For some reason, you still sang.

You forced yourself to sing. Like this song gave you strength.

"So sing along, it's such a silly song. The cackling carousel, it spins and never stops. The acrobat who fell off from the top. They did a little drop!"

Right before you grab the window's handle, something heavy crushed against you.

You fall down on the floor.

Dazai was pinning you to the floor, making sure, that you can't move.

Something wet fall on your face. You looked up.

Dazai was crying. With shaking hands, he hugged you.

BSD Cast surrounded you. You were in a group hug.

"[Y/N]! Never, never do it again! Kiddo..."

"[Y/N]! Are you hurt? Do you need medical help?"

"First thing tomorrow we are going to the therapist... No! I will find the therapist right now! There must be someone working right now!"

Tears. They were worried about you. They were crying for you.

For the first time since Granny's death, you cried.

"I... I am so scared! After Granny died, I was so alone! Mom and Dad weren't home! They didn't answer my questions about Granny! One day... I just stopped to care about the future. I was afraid of future! Live became so hard! I didn't feel anything... I just want it to end! I want to..."

You didn't finish your sentence and sobbed, hiding your face in Dazai's chest.

Dazai's words were warm. His voice was still shaky.

"You are not alone, [Y/N]... We will be there. I will be there."

_____

For the next few days, you were constantly under supervision. BSD Cast make sure, that you don't have any access to sharp things, medicine, windows.

You start attending therapy. What surprised you the most, that Dazai were attending it with you.

"I will be a bad big brother, if I don't act as an example."

Your parents were fired. Fitzgerald pressed charges about neglect and abuse.

You don't know how, but Fitzgerald adopted you almost instantly.

You had a long way ahead of you.

But you know, you will be better.

Because, one time, you finally thought about your future. And you were waiting for this future to come.

____

¹ Modifications of "Eysenck's Personality Test" for Teens is used to diagnose suicidal behavior.

²Modification of "Sacks Sentence Completion Test, SSCT" is used to diagnose suicidal behavior of teens and children.

³ One of the test, that is used by psychologists in Russia.

[cepetriwrites]

Alicent Reverses the Hourglass Chapter 52 Memes Pt 3

Her husband, her castle. A voice from within whispered. Now even her gown.

Alicent dug her fingernails into her hand.

No. They existed in a different world now. The past should stay in the past.

AVPM anyone?

She literally had a magical witch call her out on her relationship with rhaenyra and Alicent is just: No thoughts. Head empty. Get dick.

~~~~~~~

He had shown little interest in matters of local politics, household structure or financial planning: all these things he was more than happy to leave to Alicent’s keeping.

The man who wants to be king everybody……

Daemon was too busy dying and tripping balls in Harrenhal to notice how much work ruling is

~~~~~~~~~

“Are you about to tell me how I may select mine own heir, my lord?” Daemon’s voice held an all-too familiar edge. “Do you imagine I require your opinion?”

Me:

This is what an ally looks like. If I had to choose between daemon and a bear…. I’d probably still choose the bear cause daemon loves killing people but if he did kill me, it wouldn’t be because of sexism, it’s just because he’s an asshole. Take notes men.

~~~~~

Corlys and Rhaenys looked at each other and everyone else brought their eyes back down to their plates.

Me wanting to be apart of that post dinner debrief/gossip

I just want to be the kid in the backseat of their parents car as they discuss the drama from the latest family function

~~~~~

All with the exception of Selman Sunglass who clapped his hands, eager to agree with everything coming from Alicent’s mouth no matter what it happened to be. “Well, I think it is a fine idea! Times are changing after all! Male, female: they will still be the Prince and Lady Alicent’s child.”

I’ll allow it. Raw as well.

~~~~~~

“My mother and he raised Viserys and I together. As one. I always intended to do the same with my own family.”

“I agree.” Corlys said.

Both Laenor and Rhaenys raised their eyebrows in unison. “ You do?” They spoke together.

Laenor when his dad implies he’s a present father

Me & laenor should get shirts for our club

~~~~~

Gwayne & Laenor going through a messy gay breakup at the dinner table

The dinner guests

It’s so sad when friends fight :(

Meanwhile cut to Laenor buried under blankets sobbing as he blasts casual by Chappell roan

Someone should introduce these boys to the concept of an affair…. Lord Corlys is pretty well versed on the subject……

~~~~~~

At that moment, Gwayne couldn’t help but feel horribly out-of-place. He gave another look to the back of Laenor’s head and then left, quickly before the next song began.

So ignoring your loved ones cries for help is just….. a thing you do… huh?

Someone tell Aegon it was nothing personal when she moonwalked away from him as he sobbed over the death of his son, she’s just allergic to the spectrum of human emotion

Aegon🤝Gwayne🤝Rhaenyra = getting ignored by Alicent during their times of need

~~~~~~~

Daemon glanced at her as if surprised. “I thought you would be pleased at the idea of our daughter being our heir.”

Anskdkslwksnd he thought his sexist wife, who did a coup that killed most of the Targaryens and dragons to put a younger son over the oldest daughter, would be happy about him equally valuing a daughter? Sir you are married to the Westerosi version of Phyllis Schlafly.

~~~~~~~~

“I saw him drink goblet upon goblet of wine,” Arthor’s eyes roved over her. “His temper will be soft and…malleable.” He came forward began to twist at the seam of her bodice until her cleavage spilled forth. “There. That’s better.”

Shoutout to reddish for writing such toxic people it makes me happier with my annoying family members. At least they’ve never tried pimping me out

~~~~~~~

He hoped that, at some point, he could cleave one of Alicent’s enemies in two. The look on her face: both gratitude and love. He was impatient for it.

She would see then that only he could be called upon to protect her and cast all memories of the Dornish knight or the Baratheon boy into flame.

His love language is literally murder. At this point I think he needs it to function the way we need food to survive.

Also not his anxious attachment still making him insecure over a Baratheon when Alicent was literally riding him like a stallion with an audience watching.

Good thing she’s not bi, the man would never know peace if he knew everyone was an option.

~~~~~~

“Wife.” His fingers drowsily grazed her arm, still between sleep and waking, the medicine addling him.

Koline chose not to speak. She straddled him instead, making sure that her scented skin was underneath his nose. He breathed in and seemed contented. {…} In the hollowness of the dark chamber, she did her duty.

Hey what… um… that’s um… that’s a….

I cannot believe I am using this video for TWO different people.

~~~~~

Alicent & Koline staring at each other after Alicent walks in on her mid sexual assault

~~~~~

Alicent feeling her brain chemistry change as she catches her husband “cheating” on her

Homegirl about to snap and take everyone with her

Memes Masterpost

[littlestarbigsky]

I have a really, really sad request... my grandfather passed away a few months ago. He was the youngest of three boys. His older brother passed away a couple of years ago. Leaving behind only the middle child.

And all I keep thinking of is Soda being the last one alive after Darry and Pony die and it's making me so sad. I want to write it myself, but can't bring myself to. But it's just so heartbreaking.

first of all, i’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather anon, i hope you’re doing alright and that you have the love and support you need🫶🏻

so here’s the thing, i wasn’t sure how i wanted to approach this one, but then one of my coworkers lost her husband on christmas and the memory of grief came so easily.. not gonna lie this one did a number on me but im so glad that you trusted me with this anon❤️‍🩹

it’s not very long but i hope this is okay🩷

when they lost pony, soda didn’t truly internalize the loss until a few weeks after the funeral. darry had been a wreck, catatonic, unable to get out of bed, much less get himself out of the house for anything other than the funeral. soda held it together reasonably well, planning a small funeral for their baby brother and using the money they had stashed away to send him to college to pay their bills for a few weeks while they tried to move through the loss.

it didn’t really hit him until soda was back at work and some kid, probably close to pony’s age, from the high school came in and bought a pepsi. steve came in to the shop half an hour later to find soda on the floor in behind the counter, shaking and sobbing because god damn it his baby brother was gone. steve held him as he cried until he couldn’t breathe, holding him like a lifeline until darry could get there from work to take him home.

“it’s okay, honey, we’re gonna be okay,” darry had said, hugging soda to him in the back seat of the truck while his little brother sobbed.

soda had screamed at him, “nothing’s okay, darry! pony’s gone!”

still, they found a way to keep going. darry slept in soda’s room more often than not. they both had trouble sleeping after losing their brother, and soda needed someone to be near him and darry needed to know that soda was okay.

none of that felt like it mattered anymore, because when it was darry’s turn to go, soda couldn’t take it. he couldn’t leave the house. he couldn’t eat or drink. the grief was all consuming and snapped him clean in two.

darry probably wouldn’t have even had a funeral if it hadn’t been for two-bit and steve, who were maybe two of the worst people in the world to plan something like that, but they knew what had to be done. they had unfortunately helped out with a few too many curtis family funerals over the years that they knew who to invite, where to hold it, to keep the casket closed.

they had to drag soda there on the day, and he stayed attached to steve the entire time. he sobbed all the way through the service, and he couldn’t stop himself from falling to his damn knees when they lowered his big brother into the ground, right next to pony, right next to their parents. it was all wrong, their parents should still have been alive, not buried with two of their sons right next to them.

he wouldn’t leave his room, but he wouldn’t let himself rest. steve had to stay with soda overnight and hold him close just to make sure he slept at all. two-bit heated up the food people had brought and sat with him while he ate just to be sure that it happened. they knew they weren’t his brothers, but they did what they could.

despite how long it took him to pull himself together again, he finally managed to make it back to work. he liked being at work, being around other people, not having to sit and wallow in how deep the wounds felt. it was almost like he could pretend that they were all still there, that he would go home and see his parents and brothers, not a hauntingly empty house.

eventually steve and two-bit moved in with him, they adopted a dog, they found a new normal. it still crushed soda’s soul to have to keep living and hit milestones that his family never would, but he made his peace with it. it was his job to make them proud. and that was worth it.

he was their last hope.

[mermaidsirennikita]

interesting how they think dark romance is "grooming" women into being abused meanwhile actual right wing figures are trying to ban both books and porn...dark romance and romantasy are not the problem y'all

Lol yeeeep

And the sad thing is, a lot of supposed left-wingers have fallen for the "save the children (women) from sexual content" argument hook, line, and sinker. They've pushed the neopuritanical wave just as much as right-wingers have, just in different packaging.

Don't get me wrong: Porn can be harmful. Any sexual content, like virtually any content of any kind, has the potential to be harmful. But the reality is that pornography of some sort has always existed and will always exist. Just like (a lot of, but not all) people have always enjoyed an element of voyeurism. People like looking at art depicting sex. They like reading about sex. They like watching people fuck. There's a point where you have to just chalk it up to human nature. Again: NOT ALL PEOPLE. But most. Probably the vast majority, when you strip away hangups and society. And that's not me erasing those who don't; you are valid and your needs should be accommodated, and I frankly think they.... often are. Especially in this cultural moment.

But it's okay to want to consume explicit content, whether it's because it turns you on or just because... because.

There are many reasons why people perceive a porn problem, but the root of all evils is not that content. It's how we as a society treat it, and, on a basicl level, how we as a society expect and encourage people to fucking parent their children.

I so often see people say "But I don't want my kids to read those books" "I don't want my kid to watch that".

Dude. They most likely will if they want to. Even if that content is banned—and I hope it isn't, but I'm bracing myself, and a good cluster of states in the US, including blue ones, have essentially banned porn through age verification laws—people will find a way to access it. Just as they found a way to access alcohol, and weed, and so on. People do find a way to access that content in countries that currently ban porn.

So the thing is—you can either bury your head under the sand and train people to become weird about it... or you can have honest conversations and encourage healthy consumption. My mom told me that there was a difference between porn and reality. My mom read romance novels with me to get an idea of how I was consuming them (and it was fun, because I was lucky and had a pretty cool mom, overall).

And it bums me out, frankly, to see so many women act as if the "pornifiation of society" is what's keeping women down, versus the MUCH MORE PRESENT issues of like... the wage gap. Poor childcare options. The encouragement of the idea that having children is what you're meant for if you're born with a uterus. People trying to rape us all the time, which they ALWAYS HAVE, that's not porn! Red pilling, which is not a porn thing (a lot of red pills eschew porn!). Systemic racism and transphobia, which hits women of color and trans women, and as long as they don't have equal rights, women will not have equal rights.

Dark romance is not leading women down the tradwife lifestyle. You know what is? Christian indoctrination linking up to the crunchy granola girl pipeline. The mass spread of conspiracy theories and the twisting of gender essentialist "I know my body and therefore that of my child better than any dooooctooooor" bullshit that push the idea that you're this Earth Mother and not a normal human being. Not to mention a shitty economy, all those factors relating to women in the workforce I mentioned above, utilized to further push the idea that it would be soooo much easier if you just stayed at home with your babies. And then we throw in the dismantling of the public education system, which is only getting WORSE..... People are just less educated, and they want women to be less educated than men, and that has a LOT going on that has nothing to do with the dark romances women read.

And these people would probably be better able to think critically if not for those issues, so.

[viridis-mundo]

City with no name, person with no history

A thousand years ago, Pix voluntarily went into the desert and never returned. A thousand years later, it still has consequences. A short look at friendships that span lives.

"You’ve been spending a lot of time here lately," Pix smiles, there is no claim, no hint of suspicion. The smile is soft, he is simply observing the fact. The sky is blue, the grass is green, the ancient city that Pix is working so hard on has no name. Fwhip has been spending a lot here lately.

It is the middle of summer, and the sun stands high and shines for a long time, making its way even underground to the goblins. Gobland is cooler than the surface, but everyone still works a little slower and a little lazier than usual. Fwhip decided to stop construction during the heat wave. However, when your hands are not busy with materials, it turns out, that he has too much free time.

"Are you against it?" almost escapes Fwhip, but something inside him is suddenly afraid - what if he really is against it? What if suddenly Pix will say that he is tired of the company and overall the goblin is getting under his feet? What if he suddenly leaves? Which is honestly hilarious. Pix may disappear for a day or two or even a week, but everyone knows that this man has simply buried himself again in some ancient hole and sighs in admiration over half-broken vases.

"Someone should make you warm up, old man, otherwise you’ll wither away like your precious artifacts," Fwhip grins, kindly, of course, and Pix laughs too, a little muffled, as if from afar. Fwhip is again overwhelmed by the feeling that Pix is going to disappear right now. Pix has always been... Fwhip doesn't want to use the word "weird" because it implies that everyone else was normal (which they weren't), but there was always something ELSE about Pix's presence. He will tell you a fact and then add something ELSE that he shouldn't know, he will ask you a question, but there is something ELSE in the question, but you don't know for sure what it is, you will say the answer and he will hear something ELSE, incomprehensible to you. And then he will smile again and for some reason, you will feel sad.

"As if I don’t have enough warming up without you, little children," he is only like maybe eight years older than Fwhip, but Pix again looks into the distance, at the restored castle, and in his eyes is the regret of an immortal. Fwhip resists the urge to grab Pix by the sandy (it's blue-gray) shirt, like a really small child afraid of losing a parent at the festival. "I do need some fresh air from time to time," Fwhip adds more quietly, still hoping to keep his voice light-hearted, but, judging by Pix’s look, failing catastrophically. Pix looks at him closely, but not as intensely as, for example, Scott, with his magic eye, or Gem, with the carefree attitude of a princess, but with hawk's sight. Pix’s gaze is soothing, like a heavy blanket after a nervous day, like a mug of warm milk before bed, like the quiet dance of stars in the night sky. And just as centuries ago, people looked at the sky and looked for constellations, so Pix is always looking for something in someone else’s soul. With the precision of an archaeologist, he unearths long-forgotten (or buried) emotions, and Fwhip has always taken this as a challenge.

I have nothing to hide! Here I am!

But today, under Pix's magnifying glass, something too forgotten turned out to be, something that Fwhip was not ready to face. This something had a taste of redstone, gunpowder, and for some reason sand. The sand got into his teeth, into his nose, into his eyes, and that’s probably why Fwhip found that his eyes were watering. He nuzzles his nose into Pix’s shirt (it’s blue-gray), and he smells of copper - he was working on the copper aging machine underground. And this smell also calms, but for some reason, the tears keep flowing and flowing.

"I’m not going anywhere," Pix says quietly, hugging Fwhip back. And there is no consolation in the voice, only a promise, as if he was going somewhere, but changed his mind. And Fwhip believes, he nods his head, as if agreeing with the decision, and holds Pix even tighter.

A thousand years ago, these same hands could not find a sand shirt to hug and cry into. A thousand years ago, Fwhip stood alone in the middle of a desert that stretched for thousands of miles around him and wept alone. A thousand years ago, Pix voluntarily disappeared into the desert. A thousand years ago his friend did not return.

"I'm here," Pix says again as Fwhip calms down under the setting sun. The night embraced friends.

[alphabetbill]

Macabre [ HEMLOCK GROVE ] - Chapter 5

~ description ~

A werewolf whose only skill is running from his fears, a half-upir with no idea of the true darkness lying inside of him, and a girl found alive in the woods months after her mysterious death.

Some secrets in Hemlock Grove should have just stayed buried. In a town that isn't so sleepy after all, monsters of all kinds are wide awake under the surface, crawling their way up.

~ warnings~

This story will contain mature and heavy themes that may involve potentially explicit content, gore and murder, talk of kidnapping and stalking victims, animal death, supernatural/paranormal/religious themes and trauma, any other themes not covered in the general description will probably be tagged here at the start of the chapters that other significant warnings apply to.

A list will be linked here upon completion and upload of each chapter:

Cicada and the Snake

Chapter 1 . Chapter 2 . Chapter 3 . Chapter 4 . Chapter 5 . Chapter 6 . Chapter 7 . Chapter 8 . Chapter 9 . Chapter 10 . Chapter 11 .

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

c h a p t e r    f i v e .

Roman Godfrey

<<>>

ROMAN FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT JUDE WAS DEAD. It came like a pin drop, like a sudden realisation of something his brain had refused to let him acknowledge before now. It felt much like a sudden jolt, like the ceiling had fallen, like a sudden blow to the gut that ripped the air from his lungs like a parent snatching a toy from a misbehaving child. 

Staring down a tunnel of trees, he felt something shift in his chest, something that squirmed around, rotten and sickly. All of a sudden he didn't want to do this, but Peter was already out of the car and Roman wasn't about to pussy out and leave him to walk this trail alone.

As he got out of the car, lingering at the start of a dingy forest trail, it hit him in the face as though a wall of air had slammed up, begging him to stop, begging him not to go any further into the trees.

He had not been expecting the sadness that came with standing here in this moment, not the terror or the disgust. Somewhere along this trail, his best friend's body had been left to rot. It left him disturbingly interested in a single question- was she still alive when she reached that ditch?

He thought about the dreams, the woods, the torch, the deer. He wondered if she had felt like he did, trapped in place, surrounded by an unseen enemy, unable to run until it was too late. He wondered if it was quick.

He swallowed thickly and followed Peter like a lost dog into the night.

It was just like the dreams.

Pitch black on all sides with the occasional glimmer of town lights over far-off back fences. The reserve trail began on one side of town, and cut all the way through to the other, separating the trailer park from the rest of civilization with a good few hundred metres between, establishing a clear divide between those who belonged and those who didn't. The Godfrey Estate was on a hill, a spectator, floating above it all, removed from everything and always watching. 

The rhythm of the crickets was jangly and distorted as though they were screaming over the top of each other, like a broken record or a scratched CD. The moon was a claw in the sky and not enough light could tear through the foggy pine needle canopy, so they ended up walking in near-complete darkness.

Roman tried to ignore the ball of ice in his gut, the way his skin prickled every time Peter’s flashlight swept through the underbrush.

"So what are we looking for exactly?" he asked, trying to squash out the tremor in his voice.

"Not sure," Peter said again, the same answer he had given the past four times Roman had asked the question but forgot he asked it. "A clue, feeling, sign, scent. Anything that just feels off".

"I don't know about you but this whole thing feels off man," Roman answered as he rummaged through his coat pocket, "might wanna be more specific."

His fingers shook and he almost dropped the cigarette as he lifted it to his lips, fumbling to get the lighter working.

They found the ditch after about twenty minutes. The police tape was gone, but flowers remained there against a nearby tree with a score mark on it. The cheap fake ones that looked nice but meant nothing, not the real ones. Jude didn't even like flowers. They died every time she tried to grow them, she always thought they brought her bad luck. 

The two boys stood up on the ridge and looked down. 

"Fuck!" Roman cursed, stumbling back, his heart in his mouth.

He was staring at Jude's body. 

She was lying on her side, her auburn hair muddy and knotted. Those wide eyes stared back at him but saw nothing anymore, blood spilling, maggots worming through grey flesh. A jagged sob tore from his throat when it flashed into view. 

It vanished when he blinked his eyes open again. Like a glitch, a snag in the folds of reality, she was gone. 

He did not want to blink again.

"You okay?" Peter asked.

"You...you mean to tell me you didn't just fucking see that?" Roman paced, dragging a hand over his face. He sucked on the cigarette, his heartbeat skittering. He wanted out he wanted out. Away from that fucking ditch, away from where he would have to see. 

He felt sick, and his hand fell to his stomach as though to soothe himself. 

"What? See what?" Peter placed his hands on his shoulders as if to shake him out of it. 

"She was here she was-" he gulped. The ditch was still empty when he looked back down. "She was just lying there. For a second I swear to god I saw her."

"I've seen her before too. The first day you dropped me home I saw her sitting in your car," Peter told him. 

They looked at each other in silence.

The shared dreams and the shared visions. 

"Shee-it."

"Shee-it."

Roman and Peter exchanged a tense look before Peter dropped his gaze, searching the ground as though the answers would materialize in the dirt beneath his boots. He moved a few steps away from the ditch and crouched, combing his flashlight over the area, inspecting every twig, every scuff in the mud. Roman kept his distance, standing with his back to the ditch just in case he saw it again.

"The grass is flat right there," Peter said, rising from a crouched position. He jumped down into the ditch, the ridge at about knee height, and stepped up onto the other side where the grass blades were crumpled, crushed in a distinct line that led further into the trees. He gestured for Roman to follow, and he clenched his jaw, hesitating before hopping down and following Peter’s lead.

They didn't go very far along the path of flattened foliage, just far enough that they could still see the path behind them if they turned their flashlights back in that direction. The further they moved, the more far apart the trees seemed to be, the more darkness that swelled between them.

Eventually Peter smacked his flashlight as its beam began spluttering in a weak glow, before it died. 

“It’s dead,” he muttered, shaking it. 

Roman flicked his own flashlight off and back on, but it only gave a dim flash before it went dark too. Both of them stood frozen, his breathing shallow. "Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me," he cursed, anger coinciding with his growing fear.

He strained his eyes, peering into the darkness, but there was nothing—no movement, no sound, just the dense weight of shadows pressing in around them. 

He saw them, outlined only by the moon straggling through the canopy.

A line of deer. They stood silently and still in a small bit of clearing, staring out from between the trees with blank, glassy eyes. Five of them, their bodies rigid, all too aware of the two boys sharing their presence. Beside one of them, standing by a doe's legs was a smaller shape—a small fawn.

Roman took a step back, his heel crunching against a twig, and the animals darted off once again and back into the trees as though that moment of limbo, that moment in which the deer had seemed so grotesquely aware, had never occurred.

They made their way back to the walking trail and the flashlights stuttered to life again, neither of them in possession of the words to explain it as they walked back the way they came. Something in the air was telling them to leave, and for the first time in his life Roman was happy to listen.

When the two of them got back to the car, Jude was standing beside it.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

mmm. not sure how i feel about this one.

[holnnetd]

König and his past

I've been pondering...

One day we all agreed that König is a mamas boy. But also, how does it translate to his younger years?

Warnings: major death scenes, abuse, abuse against minors, a lot of blood, kinda sad, domestic violence, THIS IS ONLY FICTION, I DON'T CONDONE THIS SHIT

Blood, blood, blood and even more blood. A young teen. Barely past his puberty.

A boy and his mom, and his dad.

She couldn't protect him, because she was weak herself.

"Love is a beautiful thing, ██████." She said to her son, combing her hand through his shaggy hair, blood already dried on her face. Despite the abuse, and the saddening days, she never lost her softness, nor that sweet smile.

"You will know how nice it feels one day." She added, smiling down onto the boy in her lap.

He barely remembers her eyes anymore. Even pictures seem to blur in front of his vision.

But he could remember the soft smile and chapped lips, kissing his head and rushing him back to his room as she heard the front door open.

His father wasn't... bad... Not until his mother mentioned a divorce. The tense air turned to a stench of blood.

He loved his son, somewhere deep within. Surely...

But not enough.

Just short after his sixteenth birthday, that love diminished. Little König, long before he got his name, stepped in, tears in eyes as he stood in front of his crying mother, shielding her from the swinging fist of the much bigger man.

And the man couldn't care who he hit, as long as he hit someone that day.

And with a rough hand he grabbed onto the boy, landing a single hit to the scared big blue eyed face, before a knife pierced his back with a shrilling screech.

And the man landed on the ground, coughing up blood through rage filled screams and curses. He let go of the boy, only to change his victim and take the knife out of his back, tearing up more of his own flesh.

If he went down, he would take someone with him.

And that day, the little boy lost both his parents. Both of them crumbled on the ground while he was covered in their warm blood and holding a broken nose.

After the realisation that both his parents were gone, for good, he tried, really tried to grab onto his mother, apologising for stepping in. He shouldn't have, maybe then his father would have been calmer. Or he should have been the one to stab the disgusting, bad man. He—

"Hallo?" An uncertain voice, phone in hand already talking with the police.

The handle of the door opened and you were greeted with the absolute look of a carnage. It's a blood bath.

Your eyes widened and the phone clacking on the once unstained hardwood floors.

"██████, hey, hey. Hey. Oh my god, oh my god." You repeat in your own mother tongue, staring at the child whimpering and crying.

You ran up to him, dropping to your knees and wrapped your arms around him, lightly pulling him away from the dead body of his mother.

"M-i-" he sobbed loudly, "-iss..." The little voice came out so broken as he buried his face into your shirt, apologising profusely while calling out your name.

You're not Austrian, moved into a little house as a way to escape your own worries and finalise the dream of owning a little something for yourself and maybe a dog. You started studying in the same small city because they conveniently had a college with your specific expertise.

Their house was no more then 5 meters away from your cozy home. Sure, you heard cries and shouts from time to time, but which couples don't fight?

It wasn't until there where some serious screams from one side and then a loud -the walls are thick in Austria, so the noises must have been loud- sounds of falling.

You kept the window to the side of their house open, to hear whatever happens better.

And whenever the father left, you would visit your neighbours, checking in on the bruised mother.

She had a kind smile, and soft tone, always reassuring that she fell or hit herself. That she had a boy and they played sports often.

She loved her husband too much to say anything out loud.

Whenever you came around, the boy didn't speak. He barely peeked around the corners to look at you or silently sat somewhere in the same room. He didn't have a warm smile.

Actually, as far as you remember, he never had a smile on his face. Just that gloomy sad expression, brows furrowed upwards.

You told them that they could stay at your place if... something happened. The mother just smiled with a nod.

It has been going on for a year, until you finally decided to find the bodies.

The police came not long after, taking pictures and asking you about details while König still tried to calm down and stop waiting from the loss of his mother.

The questions were standard protocol, long and easy to answer, some might have made you feel guilty, but that's the police's job. Why didn't you step in before? Are you sure you weren't in contact with the father? Do you think either of them could have seen other people?

The boy still wasn't able to answer. So you brought a heavy blanket from your house and wrapped it around him, staying by his side since then on.

And since then on he refused to leave your side as well. The questioning by the police was only able to happen if he could hold onto you and feel you near him.

And that was probably the very first times you've heard him speak a complete sentence.

With a lot of pleading and some connection accumulated from living a small city where everyone knows eachother, you got to be his legal guardian.

It took months and a lot of documents, but finally he came home to live with you, for good.

It was normal for him to develope feelings for you. May those be an unhealthy dependency or a sickening obsession to stay by your side, see you as a motherly figure.

You did took on that roll after all. He was hard to separate from his mother, much less from the neighbour that bow called him sweetheart and babied him, despite him not only being taller and stronger, but also not that far from your own age.

[onakomiyaki]

you with the dark curls, you with the watercolor eyes. pt.1

pairing: daniel ricciardo/max verstappen

summary: max always love him. like a moth drawn to a flame. but he flew too close to the fire. the love that once felt like the warmth of the ray of golden sun burnt him, leaving a daniel-shaped-scar on his heart.

warning: angst, unedited, rushed, and some incorrect grammar.

inspired by this song and its meaning. fueled by 3 cans of redbull energy drinks at 3 a.m

i really need someone to be my beta reader fr.

he wasn't sure what to feel when he heard about the rumor that has been going around the paddock. daniel is leaving the team. he is going to leave him. and max feel empty, almost. he feels like he should be mad at daniel.

together forever, he promised him back then–when he still a young naive boy, messing around at the garage of the karting track with a dream of becoming what daniel is. a damn good driver.

and he is leaving now. alas, he still have faith that it was just a flying rumor, made by the engineers to amuse themselves. so he just brush it off.

but when horner gathered the team at milton keynes–just a week before the next grand prix to announce the departure of the beloved aussie by the end of the 2018 season–he fell silent.

max–who sat across daniel on the meeting room–watch the older man in disbelief. his eyes desperately trying to make contact with him.

talk to me, daniel.

but his eyes never meet him. instead, daniel's head hung low, eyes on the floor. then to horner, then to the staffs–roaming around the room but refuse to make contact with him.

and that make him furious. he just silently stand up, walking towards the exit door. horner watch in silent, holding his hand up to stop daniel who is about to follow max.

"he is not good with goodbyes, let the kid be."

but he didn't listen. instead just give horner a stern look before jolting out to chase the blue-eyed dutch.

"max, wait-"

"leave me alone daniel."

"max, please listen to me-"

"i don't want to hear it daniel."

"max i'm sorry-"

"i said leave me alone!"

daniel stop at his track, staring at max who just shout at him. the younger halting his walk also, shoulder hunching before crouching down. he dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing out.

"why?" he weakly ask, voice even more hoarser than usual.

max had never been good with goodbyes, thanks to his beloved father's unorthodox way of teaching him a valuable lesson back when he was a mere young child and his parent divorce.

the older man walk towards him, crouching beside him then ruffling his dirty blond hair. max–eyes blearing red, nose runny, and face turning as red as a tomato–turn his head to watch him. the tears stain on his cheeks glisten under the light that seeps through the tinted glass wall.

"because i have to." daniel simply said.

"what's wrong with staying here? is it not enough?"

"max, it is more than enough here. its just-"

"me? is it because of me?"

and daniel went silent, lips shut in thin line. his eyebrows knitted together, trying to hide the pain. his brown eyes lost his sparkle, masked with the sadness with a tint of jealousy. and max, notice that. he always notice the subtle changes on people's eyes. he knows when people were mad at him, or disappointed at him, or in this case, jealous of him by looking into their eyes.

so that's why daniel refuse to look at him. he is jealous of him.

daniel gently wipe the tears from max's cheeks, cradling his face with both of his hands carefully before touching their forehead together. max welcome his touch, leaning into him as both of his eyes closed and he let out a quiet sobs.

"it is me, max. never you." he said, pulling him into his warm embrace.

max buried his face on the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent as he's clutching his polo shirt like his life depend on it, afraid that he will disappear on him. god, he don't want him to go.

"i'm sorry daniel..." max said, mumbling into his shoulder.

daniel let out a small chuckle as he pat his back. he kissed his temple before letting go of the hug, once again cradling max face with such gentle touch as if max was a precious delicate diamond.

"how the hell you're a better driver and more mature than me, yet you are 8 years younger than me max? you beat me in every aspect in life at this point." daniel give him a big grin, showing his dimples to the pouting young man.

daniel put his right hand on top of max's head, brown irises met ocean-blue. he give him a reassuring smile when max–clearly still upset–didn't utter a word.

"max, i will stand with you. always. i'll watch every move you take. i'll be there at your wins or lost. i'll be there at your first world championship and many more i believe to come. i have my eyes on you, and i have no plan to take it away soon. together forever, right?" he continue, smiling at him.

max once again staring at him with quivering lips, searching for any lies in it. and when he didn't find it, he jumped into his arm, making the older man stumble back with a yelp but still catch him anyway.

"daniel?"

"yes, max?"

"i love you."

"i know, you can't resist a handsome bloke like me, maxie."

little did he know, max–underneath the gloomy sky of milton keynes, in his warm embrace–had confess to him.

max emillian verstappen, love him–daniel joseph ricciardo.

after the dramatic departure of daniel ricciardo, max had become a different person. people around him begun to notice the different vibe max is with daniel and without. he smile less now and keeping the conversation around him bare minimum. its just like his debut era once again, but worse.

and truth be told, the redbull racing team miss the loud ball full of energy aussie in the pit. pierre gasly is the driver who replace daniel ricciardo on the team for 2019 season. the shy soft-spoken frenchman can never fill the seat of daniel, max thought. and of course all the team share the same sentiment.

so when pierre introduce himself at max, the dutchmen just shot him with a half-hearted smile. pierre knew that the 22 years old still need time to adjust, so he is not offended by that. especially after daniel himself told him to just brace for the impact. he remember how the aussie describe max as a feisty cat.

"he will warm up to you after a while. let him come to you first, not the other way around."

and so, pierre just keep enough distance to keep max at bay, in case the dutchmen need his help or change his mind.

but even before max start to warm up to him, the redbull team decided to drop him from not performing well enough mid-season. max doesn't say anything.

then, came in a young talented driver from torro rosso, alexander albon, to avert the crisis. like pierre, daniel actually approach him and tell him to take his time with max. which alex responded that he'll be fine.

surprisingly max opened up immediately with the half-brit half-thai driver. their mutual hatred towards the marketing team bonded them in a way that pierre gasly couldn't do. that, and also the fact that alex ignore all the warnings from pierre and talk to max anyway.

"so you're telling me, that you are in love with ricciardo?" alex ask, pointing at max with his plastic fork.

"yeah... kinda?"

"but you only realize that you're in love with him after he left?"

"yes..."

alex let out a cackling laugh, and max shot him with a confused look. he scoop his salad then eat it, chewing as he tried to held back his laugh when max frown.

"did i say something funny?" max asked.

alex shake his head, swallowing before shot him a smile.

"you two are so bad at this." he said.

just when max about to open his mouth, daniel wave at them, calling their name as he jog towards them. his yellow polo and hat stuck like a sore thumb on the sea of navy blue.

"god that color is hideous." alex said, shielding his eyes from the bright color.

meanwhile max just stare in awe. he missed him so much, and boy do daniel look ravishing with that trimmed beard.

and he hate to admit the fact that daniel look good in yellow and black. no one should look good in that bright yellow color, but daniel just did. and max had to look away to compose himself.

who knows yellow would suit him well, personality-wise and appearance-wise.

daniel walk to the redbull hospitality like he owns the place, catching few handshake and hugs from his former crew teams. alex shake his head at the sight, muttering something about the crew being daniel's groupie. and max couldn't agree more.

even though he is not a redbull driver anymore, the whole redbull crew allow him to enter the redbull hospitality. he is still an honorary member of redbull racing team in the heart of the crews. and christian horner of course. so its only normal that the aussie had the privilage to enter redbull hospitality.

alex turn his body, waving at daniel before giving max a knowing smirk. max shot him with a warning glare, mouthing a silent 'don't' to the older driver.

"hello fellas."

"daniel! join us!" albon said, pointing the empty seat beside him.

daniel–being the sunshine he is–nod his head as he sat down. he give alex a pat on his back then give max a warm smile as he open a can of redbull he fetch earlier.

"what you eating maxie?"

and max stomach fluttered at the nickname. daniel is one of the only person who can call him that, leclerc being the second just because max feel close enough to the monegasque. max finally peel off his gaze from his sad-looking salad, to stare at daniel.

blue met honey color, and max felt his breath stuck in his throat.

"lunch, i hope." he simply answer, stabbing his salad like he want to murder it.

a

alex watch in silence as he exchange text with george and lando in their group chat. he sent them a secret snap of max and daniel who sat across each other with a simple caption 'imma play cupid.' which lando only reply with 'max gonna kill u' and the other brit simply send a rolling eyes emoji.

he stand up from his seat taking the empty container and the half-full redbull can with him as he pocket his phone. max shot him with a confused look, eyebrows knitted together in silence. and alex noticing the poor look on the dutch's face.

"i'm done with lunch, you guys take your time okay? i have to go and fetch george from williams garage." he said raising his eyebrows at max.

"aww mate, just invite george to join us! the more the merrier, right max?" daniel said, reaching for max's arm and put his hand on top of it.

max swallows as he look at his arm. "yeah, sure."

"nah he'll be okay... he just want to complain about the cheap foods they serve on williams hospitality."

if george heard alex had thrown him under the bus, he would kill him immediately. but he had to, he's playing 'cupid' after all. alex is ready to risk it all.

"is it that bad?" daniel asked.

"oh yeah. it is that bad. they can barely afford spareparts what makes you think they can afford decent foods?"

"damn alex that was uncalled for." the aussie wince.

"careful what you said about them, you might be the one to replace george someday you know?" max said, almost as if he put curse on alex.

and alex shivers at that.

"hey, i thought we were bonding max! not even a year and you're already kicking me out of the team?" he said with pout, while the dutch shrug.

"unbelieveable, i'm outta here." alex said with exageratted sigh as he walk away from the two men.

max silently watch alex with an annoyed glare when alex give him a thumbs up when daniel wasn't looking. he even more annoyed when he saw alex making kissing gesture with his hand. max just give him a secret middle finger as he scratch his temple and alex let out a silent mocking laugh.

after alex was gone from his vision, max stole a glance at the older man, cheek blushed at the thought of kissing him. then he let out a shuddered breath.

he still look the same and it hurts him. it hurt to see him in that yellow polo instead of navy blue. it hurt to see him walking side by side with nico hülkenberg instead of him. what hurt the most is the fact that he can not spend times with daniel throughout the race together anymore.

he remember what he said at the interview while doing truth or lie challenge with daniel, and honestly he doesn't feel good about it. but he had to, so daniel can be rest assured.

"you okay?" daniel asked as he watch max with a worried expression.

max nod his head, continue to eat his salad in silence. the older man nudge his cheek with his point finger, making him stop his chewing and stare at him instead. daniel shot him with a big smile, showing his pearly white teeth.

"you need to smile more." he said.

but how can he smile more when the reason he smile is him, and he is away now.

"what if i don't want to?" max said.

"then i'll have to come to you every racing week to remind you." he said, giving him the wide grins he love so much.

i would love that, thank you.

"oi, ricciardo! its time to go." nico shouted, earning few head turns from some redbull crew who enjoyed their lunch in peace.

some redbull crew shouted back, saying that daniel is theirs now, and nico let out a barking laugh.

"that's my cue." daniel said.

"oh, yeah."

before he left, he take off his cap. max watch slightly confused at the older one, he watch as the older man stand up and walk to him. and what comes next was something he didn't expect.

daniel had taken max's hat off, putting it on his head while he put his hat on max's head. daniel adjust the strap of the hat and look down at max with that tender look, patting his head as he finish.

"a bit of happy color here to brighten your day." he said, walking backward as he adjust max's cap on his head. he shot him a wink as he run back to nico's side.

nico raised his eyebrow as daniel walk closer to him, pointing the hat. daniel just shrug his shoulder as he slung his arm around nico's shoulder, walking together. max watch him with mouth slightly ajar.

"fuck..." max silently cursed as he pull the hat down, trying his best to hid his flushed face with that hideous yellow cap.

he hate how daniel got him feeling all nervous without even trying.

he love hate that man so much.

the 2019 season went by like a blur for max. lewis had won another world championship, adding 6th trophy to his collection. and max is on 3rd position on the championship standing. he heard that daniel got into 9th position.

max knew that 9th is not enough for daniel, it will never be enough. the boy wonder–who fell rather ungracefully–would not accept 9th place to redeem himself.

and so there he was, standing near the renault garage. far enough for the crew to not notice him but close enough that he can see daniel's car, while almost all of the grid celebrate lewis's 6th wins.

"whatcha' doin?" alex said, standing still behind max as he whispering to max.

max jumped a little before turning his body to face the taller man.

"holy shit–stop sneaking up on me!" max answer, hand on his chest

alex let out a giggle before move to stand beside the poor dutchman, redbull on his hand. he quirk an eyebrow at the man before staring at renault garage.

the pit crews and engineer team seems to working on daniel's car, checking and doing some inspection. alex clicked his tongue.

"poor man went from riding a rocket ship to a family car," he said. "no wonder he look pissed."

"you saw daniel?"

"no, but lando did. he saw daniel screaming with his helmet on. its like 2018 all over again he said."

"oh, yeah."

max fidget with his fingers, biting his lower lips. the 2018 japan q3 was daniel last straw and he remember, all of the world remember. and boy he remember how everything went downhill from that point on.

"i mean i would scream too if my team keep screwing me up. or worse, if other driver screw me over." alex said, took a sip of his redbull.

"but you're not that type of person, no? you hardly swear." max asked, turning his body to watch alex.

"no, but i would cry myself to sleep after that though, that for sure."

he didn't expect that answer from the thai, and he burst into laughter letting out a high-pitched noises as his hands closing his mouth. alex let out a giggle through his straw, also didn't expect that reaction from max.

"are you guys looking for daniel?"

both max and alex turn their head, their laugh had stop. nico watch with amused look on his face at the two redbull drivers as he fold his arm in front of his chest.

"well, that's the plan," alex sheepishly said. "do you know where he is?"

the older blue-eyed man and the younger one seems to sizing each other up, exchanging a silent threat to each other. alex in other hand is too busy looking around to notice, trying his best to find the curly aussie. nico nod his head as he point to the direction he last saw daniel. max eyebrows furrowed and alex tilted his head in confusion.

"he went to our garage?" alex asked as he stare at the german in disbelief.

"horner took him." nico answer, shrugging his shoulder.

the younger redbull driver let out an 'ah' sounds, suddenly what nico said make sense. well christian horner fancy daniel, of course that man would cheer the aussie. 2019 season with renault had been rough for daniel and horner knew that he need a few pats on the back.

now that he thought about it, max sometimes see horner as a threat. then he realize how stupid that sound when he knew horner treat daniel like his oldest son.

but now it seems like he need to worry about certain german in the game. he had been watching how close nico and daniel from afar, highkey jealous at the interaction. he also have notice a few times nico give him a smirk everytime he and daniel sharing a bromance moments. max starting to dislike that man.

nico shot max with a small smirk as pat him on the shoulder. "goodluck finding him. it was nice talking to you guys, see you at the party." he said as he wave at the duo, walking to renault's garage.

alex wave back at the german with a smile on his face before returning his gaze to max, who keep staring at nico's back. alex sure that if max have a laser-eyes, nico's head had already turn into pulp right now.

"should we go now?" alex nudge him with his shoulder, trying to distract max from nico.

"yeah, lets go." max said, already walking towards their garage.

well that was something.

they didn't find daniel on their garage, instead they were greeted by sebastian vettel, which is also suprising but make sense? vettel used to drive for redbull after all although now he drive for the italian team. while alex was excited to talk to sebastian, max can't share the same excitement.

"sebastian, what a surprise!" alex said, pratically buzzing with excitement.

sebastian let out a chuckle, his blond hair bounce a little when albono hug him. he pat the rookie in the back before letting go.

"hope you don't mind me staying. i need to talk to the big man." he said, voice laced with a german accent.

"please, you are always welcome here. or anywhere basically," alex said as he give the older man a smile. "have you met christian yet?"

"yes he have." helmut said, walking to the trio with a smile on his face. christian was following him, not far behind.

"oh you're talking to the big men. i'm out of here." alex said as he raised his hands, slithering away from the room. "christian please don't replace me with sebastian!" alex shouted once he out of their sight, and horner let out a laugh.

"interesting kid, huh? he seems to be shy at the beginning but his personality starting to show." horner said.

sebastian nod in agreement as he give him a smile. max clear his throat as he stand there awkwardly.

should he leave?

should he stay?

either way he wait for his cue.

"are you looking for daniel?" horner asked and max raised an eyebrow. "if so, he's back to his hotel room."

"i'm sorry?"

"i said daniel is back to his hotel room, you can find him there." horner said as he give max the name of the hotel daniel staying in with the room number.

"i-"

"go, he need a company. and mine won't be very helpful, poor man almost cried when i invite him here. so i send him home, he looks exhausted." horner pat the young man before turning his body to talk to sebastian and helmut.

ah. he knew.

"thank you christian." max politely thank him.

and so he bid them a farewell as he walk to his room, and sebastian watch with a smile on his face.

"its webber-vettel all over again, huh?" sebastian said. and horner laugh.

"trust me, it is worse." horner said.

max is standing at the front of the elevator, playing with the hem of his rb polo shirt as he wait for the door to be opened.

he had asked the receptionist to take him to daniel's room since he doesn't have any access card, although the receptionist almost refuse. but after seeing max's worried eyes and hearing his pleads she nod her head.

when the door was open, the receptionist simply tap her card as max push the button on the 9th floor. and he was thankful that the receptionist didn't follow him because max need his time alone to calm himself.

what should he said to comfort daniel?

he should've bring gifts for daniel earlier.

what if daniel doesn't want to see him?

worse, what if daniel is in there with another person? a woman?

before max even had a chance to back off, the door open with a ding, making him jumped out of his trance. he let out a nervous sigh as he walk toward daniel's room.

and now suddenly he was standing, face facing the door as his finger hovering at the bell button.

but even before max can push the bell, the door open in front of him, and max watch with suprised look on his face.

daniel look like a mess, in short brief and plain white t-shirt that hug his body perfectly, hair messy–cleary tussled. his eyes were red and watery. his nose also in the same color.

oh he had been crying.

"the receptionist call and told me that you'll be here." daniel said, voice hoarse as if the man had not drink for a month.

"sorry for coming uninvited. i have beers." max said as he show him a pack of beers in his hand.

daniel let out a chuckle, his chest tremble as he open his door wider, inviting the younger one inside.

the room is surprisingly tidy, the bed cover are the only messy thing in the room. max had expect daniel to trash around the room but maybe daniel is too tired to do so, or maybe because it is daniel and not him.

max sat down on the bed as he watch daniel fetch something from the fridge. damn that man even look better in his short brief and that plain t-shirt that shows his back muscle with the dim lighting of his room. he tried his best to not drooling over the aussie right now.

"i only have sliced fruits, is it okay?" daniel said, breaking the silence.

"its okay... i'm fine." max answer, the pack of beers sat nicely on his lap.

the aussie turn his body, giving him the mixed fruit to the young dutch. max took the container, mouthing a small thank you and daniel return with a small smile, ruffling his hair before taking the pack of beers off his lap.

he put the pack on the table and open it, taking a can of beer then sitting down beside max, thigh touching. max silently stare down at their thighs (more of daniel's and his tattoos), face redden at the close proximity. then he turn his face to watch daniel downing the beer.

"are you okay?" max asked.

"m' fine." daniel answer.

but max knew that daniel had lied to him. he knew that he is, in fact, not fine. he knew that daniel knew that he can see right through him. so he just stare at him silently.

talk to me, daniel.

daniel let out a sigh, cradling the can of beer on his hand. his hand is trembling and max can see that clearly. so he did the only thing he knew.

he took daniel's right hand, bringing it to his lap. max intertwined their hand, as he calmly rub it. daniel shuddered at the touch. yes physical touch are something that they are not foreign about, but something about it feel different.

it feels more, intimate.

daniel watch their hands in silence, his tremors slowly fade away. then, he peel off his gaze from their hands to max's face, watching at how soft his gaze at their intertwined hands is. he studied his face, how his lashes fluttered a little as daniel squeeze his hand tighter.

"better?" max asked.

"yeah."

"good."

max–finally muster up a courage–turn his head to face daniel. once again after few moons, blue meet honey color. he held his breath when daniel's eyes wander from his eyes, to his nose, and finally to his lips. daniel give him a small smile.

"i never notice that." daniel said

"notice what?"

daniel's free hand softly cradling max's jaw, thumbing at his upper lip.

"that.." he said, face inching closer.

oh.

oh.

"my–my mole?" max asked, trying his best to not melt and lean into his touch.

"your beautiful mole, yes," daniel whisper as he stop midway, nose almost bumping to max's. "you are so beautiful, it hurts." he finished.

max feel dizzy. he only let out a nervous chuckle as he look away from him, free hand hiding his-now red-face. max was not sure if its really daniel or he currently daydreaming about him, again.

it's unfair, no? what daniel did to him is unfair.

"wha-what are you saying? me? beautiful?" max ramble, still looking away.

"you are max. your beautiful ocean eyes especially."

"s-stop saying such nonsense, i'm not."

"but you are, and i'm not a liar."

max let out a cough. he need to get away from daniel, he can't hold it together any longer. he took his hand back, then standing up. this man is dangerous, too dangerous.

"i'm thirsty, do you have water-"

max feel his body shifted, he let out a gasp. daniel had yanked his arm towards his direction, making him stumble onto him. max's eyes widened when daniel open his legs, pulling max even closer to him. he feel daniel wrap his hands around his torso, burying his face on his stomach.

"dan-"

"m' sorry."

the choked voice of daniel broke his heart even more. he touch his curly hair slowly and he feel daniel's hold getting tighter around him. daniel let out a muffled sobs, his shoulder are trembling.

he finally letting go of his emotion.

turns out the happiest man on the grid was not the happiest all the time.

max warp his hands around daniel's head, body a little slouched as he held the man. and daniel desperately clawing and fisting his polo shirt, almost screaming onto him.

max is sure his polo is now drenched in tears, but he doesn't care. he care about daniel, only him.

i love you.

...