#Build your community of lovely fiber people in real life as much as you can

[shannonpurdyjones]

My #1 piece of advice for fiber arts hobbies is find real life local community to engage with if you can. I've learned more handy tricks and advice about spinning from the owner of my local yarn and weaving shop than from hours of online tutorial videos. AND made a friend too 🥰🥰🥰

Which is rewarding in itself of course. But as a bonus sometimes when you go see your friend for help tuning up your spinning wheel, she'll go "Hey, a beloved customer just passed away and left me all her weaving stuff. Do you want any wool?"

And thats how you come home with two gigantic boxes of beautiful wool roving for $20 😍

[karasunovolleygays]

UshiIwa Fic Recs

(that nobody asked for)

Hello! It’s my distinct pleasure to welcome you all to UshiIwa hell! I’ve been malingering here for years, but with new developments in canon, it looks like I am no longer stuck on Gilligan’s Island (me plus the six other sad bastards i’m stranded with). 

As a long time sufferer of this ship, I would like to introduce you to some of my favorite UshiIwa stories, including a few of my own bc tag smol. :’)

Rating: G/T

I Lose Control by voices_in_my_head Tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, OMC (Coach) Summary: "He looks to the bench, where Iwaizumi’s eyes dance from player to player." Words: 1,538 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: this is an interesting study of how Ushijima would deal with an injury at a crucial moment when everyone is counting on him, plus a dose of priority.

Cordially Uninvited by Karasuno Volleygays (that’s me) Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Possible Current Manga Spoilers, Established Relationship, Paparazzi Summary: Paparazzi haunting notable people has always been a problem, but Hajime and Wakatoshi opt to clear the air on their own terms. Words: 1,279 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: I thought it would be interesting to see how Ushijima would deal with celebrity and subsequently strangers poking their noses in his personal business.

Three Doors Down by Karasuno Volleygays Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Fluff, More Fluff, pretty bara men bonding over dogs Summary: When Ushijima inherited a property that had seen better days, he found himself spending a lot of time and effort in a new part of town restoring the house to its former glory. However, he didn't expect a litter of puppies in a yard a few houses over to revive his spirit, as well.

He certainly didn't anticipate their owner stirring something to life within him, either, but that was a development he didn't need much coaxing to get used to. Words: 13,145 Chapters: 2/2 My notes: I have no excuses for how fluffy this is.

you're good, too quickly admitted by pyrality Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Coffeeshop AU, College AU, Fluff, Getting Together, Awkward Flirting Summary: Iwaizumi sits back in the chair, "Oikawa thinks I could do better."

Ushijima swallows, eyes still on his laptop screen, "And what do you think?"

"I think I'd like to go out to lunch with you sometime."

He looks up at the other boy, feeling warm at the sight of Iwaizumi's crooked, barely there smile, a challenging twinkle in his eye.

"Oh," Ushijima manages before he recomposes himself, "I'd like that.” Words: 2,731 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: UshiIwa dating to spite Oikawa is too good to turn down.

Alight by Karasuno Volleygays Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Time Skips, Rivals to Lovers Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime can't believe his soulmate is the guy who just wiped the floor with his team, but there is no denying the fact that he is irrevocably linked to Ushijima Wakatoshi. Words: 4,504 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: If you’re interested in them getting to know each other through their failures and vulnerable moments, this is probably your jam.

Baby It's Cold Outside by RarePairGremlin Tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Winter, Cuddling, light grinding, hints to smut but nothing is described, jaw kiss, Kissing, Fluff, Established Relationship Summary: The childish grin spread over his lips again as he faced them, his gaze roaming up them slowly as an idea formed. Ushijima, ever prepared, was fully dressed in thick socks a pair of blue sweats, which they had tucked into their socks like the crime against fashion they are, and a thick hoodie. He knew for a fact, since he’s stolen it enough times, that the hoodie was fuzzy and soft on the inside. Beside them lay a steaming cup of tea, the bag still steeping inside as they liked their tea strong, and the aforementioned throw lay comfortably across their lap. A perfect image of warm and cozy.

It would be a shame if someone was to disturb that now wouldn’t it? Words: 1,471 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This is exactly what it says on the tin, plus a bonus NB Ushijima!

the ghost in your room by mousecat Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Unrequited Love, Unrequited IwaOi, oikawa is a bit of a dick Summary: Hajime finds a way to get over Oikawa Words: 1,173 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: It’s an oddly pleasurable mixture of fluff and a punch in the throat.

Good Graces by Karasuno Volleygays Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Established Relationship, Arguments, Mending Fences Summary: Hajime is pissed at Wakatoshi for something he admits he did until he finds out the real reason he did it. Then he feels like a jackass. Hopefully, his live-in boyfriend is up for a good old fashioned groveling session. Words: 2,059 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: Making your otp mad at each other is hard and it hurts, but the communication afterward is so important. 

lit the very fuse by mousecat Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Getting Together, Unrequited Love, Christmas Eve, Mostly Fluff, ushiwaka is a soft boy, you can never convince me otherwise Summary: Hajime isn't sure what he and Ushijima are to each other, but he knows he's still stuck on Oikawa. Words: 2,609 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: If you like FWB to Lovers, step right up and scream into the void with me. 

Once An Enemy. by BGee93 Tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Getting Together, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Friends, Aged-Up Character(s), Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Not Beta Read, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy Ending, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Volleyball Dorks & Nerds, volleyball mentioned not played, Getting to Know Each Other, Love, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Declarations Of Love, Dorks in Love, Confessions, Enemies to Lovers, Sharing a Bed, Literal Sleeping Together, Coffee Shops, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Coffee, First Dates, Awkward Dates, Aobajousai, Shiratorizawa, boyfriend sweater, Confusion, Cliche, cliches, Awkward RomanceAwkward Meetings, meme team - Freeform, Slow Build, Slow Romance, very slow burn, Sleeping Together, Sleepovers, Bonding, Forced Bonding Summary: 'It took several minutes to catch his breath again and to stop hissing through his teeth at the areas that throbbed, until they were just a dull ache. Once Iwaizumi felt he was able to move again he slid his hands up the strangers chest, ignoring the ripple and twitches his touch caused since the situation was already awkward enough without Iwaizumi appreciating the well toned muscle under his fingertips, as he pushed himself up till he was able to look at the persons face. There was more lighting on the bottom floor, as it was closer to the illuminating street lamps outside, so he was able to make out exactly who the man was within mere seconds despite the face still being quite shadowed. And the identity shocked him into stilling every joint, muscle and fiber of his being.

Oh hell no.' Words: 20,130 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This was written for me as a gift in an exchange a while back. Have I stopped screaming about it? Not bloody likely.

Rating: M

Focus (On Me) by Verbrennung Tags: Underage, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ushijima is a 1st year, lots of staring, and looming, and crowding, Seijou!Ushijima, rated for ~makin' out~ Summary: Nobody had foreseen future Super Ace Ushijima Wakatoshi transferring from Shiratorizawa to Aoba Johsai for high school. Everyone's curious to know why, and as Iwaizumi discovers, some of his reasons are... unexpected.

An AU in which everything is mostly the same except Ushijima is a first year at Aoba Johsai and has a huge, looming crush on Iwaizumi. Words: 12,454 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This should probably be rated T instead, but whatever. If you ever wanted to know how much of an awkward bastard both of them are when they’re into someone, this is your jam.

Point Blank by Karasuno Volleygays Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Future Fic, Brief (but pertinent) Mention of Homophobia, Slow Burn, Financial shenanigans, Scary Men with Guns, Minor Character Death Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime accepted a position at a company that was going places, and he knew he had a bright future ahead of him if he just kept his head down and worked hard — a future his family desperately needed him to achieve. He didn't count on an old rival working in the same building, nor Ushijima Wakatoshi's surprisingly cordial demeanor, yet he managed to make an unlikely friend and an even more unlikely roommate.

But when Iwaizumi climbed up the company ladder and into some of the more shadowy recesses of the corporate realm, he knew they would both get more than they bargained for, and the only person he knew he could trust was Ushijima. Words: 44,981 Chapters: 12/12 My notes: This was my first UshiIwa and I still think about it a lot. Imagining these guys in regular jobs is strange, but kind of endearing when you get a feel for how they live their lives after volleyball.

Rating: E

Flare by fish_wifey Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, From dislike to like, Tension, Sex Toys, Anal Sex, Dressing Room Sex, Topping from the Bottom, Orgasm Delay/Denial Summary: Ushijima's forwardness makes Iwaizumi edgy, but after they figure their shit out, it's Iwaizumi who brings Ushijima on edge. Words: 7,687 Chapters: 2/2 My notes: Enemies to lovers speed run ahoy!

Tangled Webs by Karasuno Volleygays (Restricted) Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Black Widow AU, Assassin Iwaizumi, Crime boss Ushijima, alcohol use, Drugging, dubcon elements, Angst Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime is a seasoned killer, with wit sharp enough to cut and reflexes to match. He's never missed a kill. That is, of course, until he meets his new mark — Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Can Ushijima offer Iwaizumi what he truly desires, on top of a night of heated passion that can only end one way? Words: 4,120 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This was some fucked up stuff, but sweet baby jesus it was a wild ride to write.

Unraveled by Karasuno Volleygays (Restricted) Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Bondage, Knife Play, Edging, Rough Sex, Flogging, Breathplay, Toys, Dubious Morality Summary: After his liberation from his past life, Iwaizumi adjusts to life with Ushijima. But something is missing, and Ushijima picks the strangest (and most erotic) way to give it to him. Words: 5,145 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: It’s cute that I thought the first fic in this series was fucked up. This one was clearly more so, but noragerts.

Poly/Multiship ft. UshiIwa

4 AM by ApparentlyAda Rating: T Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, this is so stupid, I'm Sorry, Oikawa and Ushijima talk about dogs, Iwaizumi is Oikawa and Ushiwaka Trash #1 Relationship: UshiIwaOi Summary: "Ushiwaka."

"Yes?"

"What if one day you woke up as a chicken?"

"What if one day you shut the fuck up?", interrupts Hajime groggily.

(Or, simply put, the awful(ly amazing) conversations these three dorks have during sleepless nights) Words: 1,064 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: I hope you like banter and Oikawa roastage haha

Bridge the Gap by FindingSchmomo Rating: T Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Polyamory, Established Relationship, Divorce, Past Child Abuse, Lawyer! Oikawa, Police officer iwaizumi, Flower Shop Owner Ushijima, child kageyama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Meet the Family, chap 6 is the familys ongoing mission to keep kags hydrated, chap 7 is meet the parents edition, Internalized Homophobia, just a touch of it really Relationship: UshiIwaOi Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime, Oikawa Tooru and Ushijijma Wakatoshi love each other more than anything, but sometimes that’s not enough, especially in a world that doesn’t love them back. Tiny cracks begin to widen, ever so slowly, until the gaps they leave seem insurmountable.

They find their answers with each other, and surprisingly enough, with the little boy loitering outside their window.

—-

Or, a story of disconnects and the love it takes to bridge them. Words: 121,443 Chapters: 18/18 My notes: It’s long with a lot of heavy themes, but if you look at the tags and think you can get through them, it’s so worth it.

a taste of heaven by beatboxbmo Rating: T Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Polyamory, Birthday baking, Cuddles, Established Relationship, Aged-Up Character(s) Relationship: UshiIwaOi Summary: tooru comes home early on his birthday to see his two boyfriends asleep on the couch. they baked him a surprise. Words: 2,141 Chapters: 1/1 My notes: This is exactly as warm and gooey as it sounds.

Three's A Crowd by FindingSchmomo Rating: T Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Romance, Comedy, Romantic Comedy, Miscommunication, Dating, First Kiss, a mess, These Boys are a MESS, Chatlogs, Light Angst, Polyamory, OT3 Relationship: UshiIwaOi Summary: Iwaizumi loves Oikawa.

Oikawa loves Iwaizumi.

Neither of them will say anything.

Then, suddenly, Ushijima is there.

And things get very complicated. Words: 32,385 Chapters: 9/10 My notes: Normally I don’t put WIPs on rec lists, but this one is close to completion and it’s so, so worth it. Boys are dumb and you should appreciate them.

adolescence and all its glory by pageleaf Rating: E Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Established Relationship, Developing Relationship, Wooing, Future Fic, College/University, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Fluff, Flirting, Established Iwaoi, eventual OT3, Threesome - M/M/M, Manga Spoilers Summary: Iwaizumi was supposed to meet new people. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do, when you go to a different university from your best friend? Now that his life isn’t filled with Oikawa, he should have been making new friends, trying new things, whatever.

Instead, he shows up barely on time to his anatomy class, hears a small noise from beside him, and turns around to see Ushijima Wakatoshi. Words: 20,024 Chapters: 2/2 Relationship: UshiIwaOi My notes: Accidental rivals to lovers? Enjoy the sound of me screaming into the abyss, and the abyss screams back.

Close For Comfort by Leryline Rating: E Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, NSFW, ushioi - Freeform, really sinful but great, Angst, it has a happy ending i promise, iwaoi - Freeform, Phone Sex, Rough Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Romance, Threesome, Double Penetration, Spitroasting, Bottom Oikawa Tooru, Cheating, but look it's integral to the plot ok, ROMANC E AHGHGNJD it's so gay, turning a oneshot into a multi-chap out of spite: a novel by me, also: don't cheat on people irl my dudes it's not cool. not cool.like legit please DO NOT Summary: Oikawa Tōru has always seen his future with Iwaizumi Hajime - solely, utterly, completely. After all, Iwaizumi is his pillar, the only person he needs in the world.

...right?

[or: Ushijima Wakatoshi comes in and fucks everything up, as usual, but Oikawa has never given in easily, and neither has Iwaizumi, for that matter.] Words:61041 Chapters: 15/15 Relationship: UshiIwaOi My notes: If infidelity makes you uncomfortable, even if it has a happy ending all around, I would pass on this one. The smuts, however, are top shelf.

Privacy by plumtrees Rating: E Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, House Party, Alternate Universe - College/University, Future Fic, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Riding, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Spanking, Partner Swapping Summary: Iwaizumi reaches for the knob by his hip, easily twisting it open and getting them both inside. They stumble in with their lips still sealed over each other’s, silent giggles passing between mouths as Oikawa hurries to flatten his hand against the door to shut it and crowd Iwaizumi against the surface, other hand winding around his waist to pull him close, keep him there—

But then an alarmed noise rips from Iwaizumi’s throat, the hand steady on his shoulder suddenly pushing him away Iwaizumi’s looking behind him, expression a mix of shock and mild horror and Oikawa follows a split second later, just in time for a moan to resonate past the muffled music being carried over from downstairs.

“Oikawa.” Ushijima greets, only the slightest tremor to his voice as Shirabu sinks down on his cock. “Tendou didn’t mention you’d be here.” English Words: 9,736 Chapters: 1/1 Relationship: UshiShiraIwaOi My notes: Good lord this is spicy. This is ‘swinging’ in its truest form.

Show Me You Own Me by preciousghouls Rating: E Tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Threesome - M/M/M, Threesome, Rimming, Barebacking, BDSM, Daddy Kink, on oikawa's part, Dom/sub, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Multiple Orgasms, Bottom!Iwaizumi, bottom!Oikawa, top!oikawa, top!ushijima, switch hitter oikawa, Established Relationship, Developing Relationship, i have sinned, sleeping drug in five lines, Consensual, Begging, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Petplay, Collars, Cuffs, Butt Slapping, Spanking, Butt Plugs, domestic AU, Crossdressing Summary: It's Oikawa's idea, of course. But Iwaizumi finds himself loving the way Ushijima has Oikawa wrapped around his fingers, and before long they're both moaning at the hands of Ushijima.

aka the kinkiest shit I've ever written in my life. Words: 20,819 Chapters: 4/4 Relationship: UshiIwaOi My notes: Sometimes wanting to be dommed by ushiwaka is a communal mood, ya know?

Tumblr Fics

(mostly not rated/tagged; proceed with caution and at your own discretion)

Untitled by notsuchasecret

Untitled by worthlesspride (this is definitely E)

Untitled by worthlesspride (this is definitely E)

Untitled by raspberrydevil

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Untitled by deathbelle

Comfortable by raspberrydevil Relationship: ushiiwaoi

Morning Kisses by raspberrydevil Relationship: ushiiwaoi

Meet My Nephew by raspberrydevil Relationship: ushiiwaoi

[weirdponytail]

How modern is everything in MIC? Like what technology do they have? Plus, what does dragon armor look like in this universe, I’m really curious, lol?

Haha, once again that’s a sort of difficult question that needs to be answered!! Buckle in, folks. Sorry the post got so damn long!

Modern Inheritance Cycle is a bit of a misnomer, really. Technology varies pretty widely, so I can’t point to a chunk of our history and say ‘iz like that!’ for MIC. I’ll do my best to give a general overview.

Big things are that fossil fuel engines do not exist. Planes, automobiles, etc, do not and will not exist in MIC. Horses and walking are still the main travel methods. Both swords and guns are used. In the Broddring Empire, the most technologically advanced computers are those box computers from the late 90s early 2000s. Somehow, MP3 players exist, but not the sleek ones we know now (Eragon has one that he keeps on his person at all times). There is some difference between the level of computer tech humans have when looking at the Empire and Surda. Elves and dwarves have their own levels of tech that are more advanced. Radios are a thing, but for communication and entertainment/news, and again differ somewhat between races. 

Also, big note that my friend Cor brought to my attention: My dumbass completely forgot about the Urgals and figuring out their levels of tech. It’s low, mostly due to combat focused and rather secluded (iirc) lifestyles. 

Alright, let’s get down to specifics.

Handheld Weapons: While guns are a thing (modern, right here, right now guns), they haven’t taken over swords and other bladed weapons completely. Heck, swords are still a major part of the series! Close combat is done with swords, while guns are usually pistols, rifles, etc, used mid to long range. Things like AKs and very large magazine automatics aren’t very common, but burst fire and semi auto are okay. Examples: Arya and Brom both carry pistols and occasionally a long gun or combat rifle of some sort, while Murtagh has a specialized rifle he uses. Fäolin was a trained sniper. It’s sort of up in the air really. I add them when I feel like it. 

Large Weapons: As mentioned in my MIC Dwarves post (LINKED), dwarves developed some artillery type weapons and small tanks (WW2 levels at the highest), run on magic energy. This energy is usually stored in mid to low quality minerals and crystals and can be replenished either via putting your life energy into it, or (and this is something new, I’m not sure if it’s going to stay or not) channeling the resulting energy release from basic exothermic chemical reactions into the crystals, though this is only a thing that dwarves know how to do and they are NOT sharing that information.

Armor: Oddly enough, Kevlar isn’t really prevalent. There’s still enough of a focus on hand to hand sword fighting that there’s mixes of other materials that could deflect sword blows with materials that can dissipate the impact of projectiles. Dwarves are the best to look to for their lightweight metal alloys for this purpose, and Saphira’s armor is the pinnacle of that technological achievement. I’m rusty (HA!) on my metallurgy and aramid fiber applications info, so you’ve sparked my urge to do some research. I’ve not figured out a good dragon armor design yet, but when I do I’ll definitely draw some up!

Oh, more armor! Elves have perfected spidersilk armor, and when properly mixed with metals or aramid weaves it creates fantastically resistant cloth and plating. Arya’s jacket, mentioned plenty of times in MIC stories, is made of this spidersilk cloth mixture. It’s stopped bullets before, and is pretty resistant to cutting from nearly everything but a Rider’s sword or other crazy rule breaking/bending magic. Arya’s armor in my original ‘The Soldier’ drawing is also spidersilk, though it’s more spidersilk alloy plate. If you see anything that’s a mottled texture, mottled blue or blue grey in my MIC art, that’s had spidersilk added to it. Elvish armor (and even some weapons) relies on it heavily. 

Elves tend to have the ‘highest’ level of tech, but it’s mostly due to an abundance of magic, time, and knowledge in other fields that lead to strange new inventions. They don’t develop it often, as it’s mostly a fleeting hobby, but when they do implement it with their magic it can be pretty dang cool. Glenwing studied, among his mental health and medical training, electrical engineering type things and thus knows how to rewire both nerves and devices. Rhunön is quite adept at working magic into her forging, as well as mechanical and electrical (sort of) work. When Glen loses his arm in the ambush, Rhunön is the one that makes a prosthetic for him that sort of ends up being like Fullmetal Alchemist Automail, but without the painful surgical requirements. It requires only the same amount of energy that movement and actions with muscle and tissue would require with his real arm, so it is linked to his own energy. Arya, meanwhile, picks up a lot of mechanical engineering from bothering Rhunön as a kid and gets even more experience with it via dwarvish tech, weapons sabotage, and ‘use everything till it falls apart’ forced rationing with the Varden, leading to a combination of her and Glen’s skills to create their squad’s special radios that are mentioned in a few of the MIC stories.

Dwarves are the most mechanically inclined and, again, use energy storing crystals very frequently in their creations. I think it’s mentioned in my dwarf post that many many households have items and tools that house these crystals. I go more in depth with the post I mentioned so that’s probably where you’ll get the most info.

Humans are kinda stuck. Galbatorix tends to draw from things reported on/seen while fighting against other forces and has his people develop from those. Military weapons have been the main focus, so there’s not much in the way of computers or that kind of stuff. Those old box computers are usually only used in businesses that can afford them for finances and the like. As for artillery, the Broddring Empire has developed ‘cannonbombs,’ artillery shells that are clusterbombs inside an outer shell that can be on a timed fuse for detonation before impact or explode on impact and releases several more explosives (If you want a better explanation, check out MIRV grenades from from the Borderlands games). They’re the bane of trench fighters.

Meanwhile, in Surda, computers are a little smaller! Due to the hot climate, Surdans learned to make more efficient cooling systems and were able to make them smaller and more compact, leading to an explosion of research into making the rest of the equipment smaller as well. They’ve moved on to tower+flat monitor type computers. Surda is more interested in chemical engineering and tech towards the center of the kingdom, while defensive tech and development takes precedence along the border for obvious reasons. 

Even though humans seem to have gotten the short end of the stick, I always want to mention that in MIC, humans are the most ingenious, able to use, reuse and repurpose due to their ‘limitations’ when side by side with other races. They think outside and all over the box, occasionally cutting the material of the box to see if they can make something out of that. It’s something that most dwarves and elves just don’t understand, and thus often overlook or underestimate. 

That’s...all I’ve got at the moment. I hope that helped a bit! Please, if you have any more questions, ask! :D I love world building!!

[inkribbon796]

Kiss and Tell

Summary: Yan and her favorite big brother are on a mission from Dark, and run into some brightly colored characters.

A/N: For Yan’s birthday. In terms of the timeline this happens almost right before (or at least a month before) Robbie becomes a zombie. Yan is 16 and Author is 18; Ethan is 17 and Randall is 15.

~::~ Five Years Ago ~::~

Yan and Arthur were sitting in a warehouse, talking to each other as they sat in a room full of crates. Dark had left them in charge while he was “talking” to the foreman. Arthur had commented, not so gently, that Bim was probably getting a new meal, but the conversation had changed topic to Yan’s newest boyfriend.

“Yeah, but does he have a nice ass?” Author asked, writing in his book about one of his newest “characters” that Dark had given him.

“Senpai is perfect,” Yan flapped her arms a bit in excitement.

Arthur made an unsure face, “Yeah, but can I bounce a quarter off that ass?”

A loud crash came from somewhere in the warehouse and both teens straightened up in their seats.

“Was that you?” Yan asked, looking at Arthur who with a couple quick words summoned his bat to his hand.

“If it was me I would have summoned your boytoy’s head and thrown it at your lap,” Arthur was already up and heading towards the noise.

Yan stuck her tongue at him, summoning one of her katanas and followed him.

At the other side of the building Crank was rubbing the back of his neck. He brushed back his bright blue hair out of his face.

“Oww,” Ethan almost laughed with the pain.

Randall jumped in after him, Bob and Silver were fighting a couple thugs outside and Ethan had accidentally sailed in through a window.

“You okay?” Silver called from outside.

“Yeah, I just misjudged my jump,” Crank yelled back.

Randall fixed his yellow tinted glasses, his outfit almost looked like a construction worker’s. A large YT on the side on an arm. While Ethan’s looked most like Silver’s almost spandex outfit but with more blues and greys, a mask covering half his face.

“I got him,” Randall promised.

A whistle trilled out as Yan and Arthur finally caught sight of their intruders. “Well what do we have here, this is private property, kiddos.”

“Shit,” Crank froze, rolling into a standing position.

“Are those heroes?” Yan asked, staring at them.

Arthur stared in disbelief, his jaw dropping a bit. “Holy fucking shit, the old man wasn’t exaggerating, they are in spandex.”

“I’m not,” Randall told him.

“Yeah this is nano-carbon fiber,” Ethan boasted, gesturing to himself. “Made by two of our smartest heroes.”

“Ehhh, looks and probably breathes like spandex,” Arthur dismissed, pulling out his notebook and leaning on the pommel of his bat.

“So do you work for Dark, because otherwise we’ll leave,” Randall interrupted, pointing to the window. “We didn’t mean to crash in here.”

“Nah, you’re staying,” Arthur ordered. “Besides this is a real chance to show the Old Man that I’m better than Philly.”

“Fat chance, he’s the only one who leaves town,” Yan rolled his eyes. “아빠 has his favorite and all.”

“Not for long, when I bring him one of their heads, he’ll love me more,” Arthur smiled, staring at Ethan with such intensity that the young hero felt a twinge of fear, taking a step back towards the window. Like the guy’s golden yellow eyes were digging their way to his soul.

“Okay, well you sound like you need to talk to this Ah-pah or whoever,” Ethan took another step back, Randall catching his unease and stepping in front of him.

“This’ll be fun,” Author smiled, tapping his bat to the ground. “I wonder how fun you are to toy with. You boys got names, or can I make them up?”

“Blank,” Ethan smiled, he hadn’t ever gotten to fight against people his age. He felt a little excited.

“Yellow Tape,” Randall told him.

Arthur frowned, already writing the two names in his notebook, “Well at least I get to make up some cool names.”

“I think the bigger one is cute,” Yan smiled shyly at Randall.

“So I can feed Dave and the twink to Junior?” Author smiled.

Yan let out a scandalized gasp, “How dare you?”

“Hey!” Ethan yelled.

“Is Junior your dog?” Randall asked.

Author just started laughing, “Oh, that’s great, I’m telling him that. That’s so good, I might not kill you, blondie.”

“What? Why would you want to kill us?” Randall asked.

Author chuckled, “I can see the headline now: Blondie Dies in Skin Tight Spandex, Cut Down in the Prime of his Life, an instant classic.”

“I thought you said you weren’t gonna kill him,” Yan snapped.

“Ehh, I’ll make up my mind halfway in,” Arthur shrugged. And then wrote the words: “And all the air left Crank’s lungs.”

Crank gasped as he felt something like a hand physically stealing the air out of his lungs and disappear down his throat. His panic consumed him as he could get another breath. He faintly heard Yellow Tape screaming in the background.

Then there was a sudden crash as Ethan hit the ground and his vision started to get fuzzy.

And . . . air returned to Crank’s lungs as Bob snapped a barrier around himself and the two apprentices.

Author looked confused and offended, scribbling the same lines over and over again. “Why isn’t this working? Why won’t you die?”

Yan raced in with her katana, trying to cut past the barrier but it didn’t give.

“You two okay?” Bob called down to them, a bit surprised at the strength of the auras assaulting his shield. His barriers managed to keep out the swords and knives that manifested out of thin air from both Yan and Author’s writing.

Ethan gasped for air, finally able to breath. “He just . . . He just . . .”

“I got you, buddy,” Bob promised him.

Author screamed in anger but as Silver was racing in, Dark’s aura appeared underneath the two young enforcers and pulled them through in seconds. He stood in their place, using his aura to knock Silver against a wall. He looked pissed.

“Gatling, get them out of here,” Silver ordered Bob.

Before Bob could even twitch, Dark used his aura and struck for them but all it did was push Bob and the two apprentices almost right at the entrance of the warehouse.

Then he turned back to Silver who was picking himself off the wall. Dark cracked his neck, “Shepherd, when are you going to be done using children to fight your battles? I thought you were better than this.”

“You have all kinds of teens in your network,” Silver reminded sharply.

“Mine don’t dress up in Halloween costumes and try and fight demons,” Dark reprimanded. “Gatling, if you leave with the kids, I’ll do you all a favor and forget they were even here.”

Silver looked over Dark’s shoulder towards Bob, “Gat take the kids, meet back up with Jackie, I got this.” He made sure to say that into his communicator so that Jackie knew to expect them.

Bob looked unsure, but nodded and used his shields to help get the two apprentices out.

“So what’s with the kids?” Silver asked when he didn’t get a warning from Bob and there were no distress signals. “You hate kids, you don’t even like looking at them.”

“My cut off point is fifteen,” Dark reminded, his tone dripping with disinterest. “You’ve found much younger working for me than those two.”

“Yeah, as drug dealers and thugs, they don’t look like your typical pushers,” Silver continued to interrogate. “Besides you don’t typically come to those kids’ rescue. You let them hang out to dry.”

“Well those ones don’t have powers, I keep the best for my inner circle,” Dark boasted. “It’s called planning for the future. My captains and lieutenants won’t live forever.”

Silver knew there was something else to it, but he couldn’t even guess what it was. Dark withheld information and lied as easily as he breathed. Instead he just looked around, “So what’s going on in here that you had two high school kids guard?”

“Lumber freight, they’re shadowing the foreman,” Dark answered, tapping a long crate with his foot. “If you want to bring Abe down to have his plastic soldiers search the place, you are welcome to help yourselves. I have business to attend to.”

“Lumber?” Silver repeated in disbelief. “The high school otaku and Mr. Golden Eyes were moving freight?”

“Obviously not,” Dark scoffed, “they’re helping do paperwork, who puts a sixteen-year-old in a lumber yard?”

“Apparently you, because they was here,” Silver motioned to where Dark had pulled the two twins through.

Dark looked at the spot he’d taken the two teens from and seemed almost . . . uncertain . . . or if Silver was imagining it right, uneasy. “Silver the older of the two teens here, if you happen to see him, do not engage him. Keep your apprentices away from him.”

“Why, so we can stay out of your hair?” Mark chuckled, floating a bit off the ground.

The Entity’s expression didn’t change, “Silver, there are many people in my network that are rather unfit for polite society, he is one of them. If you value the lives of those children you will not engage him. He is a tiger in his own territory. No jail can contain him, no weapon can harm him.”

“Yikes, sounds like a real winner,” Mark tried to joke. “Where’d you find him?”

But Dark didn’t laugh. “I think it’s time for you to go.”

“Hey, wait, I’m not done here,” Silver demanded, but Dark moved a portal and he was dumped out of the lumberyard.

“Yes, you are,” Dark told him and snapped the portal closed, opening a new one to take him into the Manor’s living room where Yan and Arthur were sitting with Illinois who was on the couch, Kay trying to sleep against him but cracked an eye open when Dark walked in.

“And then his fucking face turned blue,” Arthur recounted, he’d been telling his siblings about his encounter with the heroes, when he noticed Dark he turned and smiled. “Hey, old man, did you see me back there? I was amazing.”

“I was there too,” Yan reminded. “I helped.”

“What did I tell you all?” Dark demanded sternly. “You are not allowed to be within sight of the heroes.”

“Well they showed up and we were going to leave but then they just started showing up, and then you showed up,” Yan explained, looking frustrated.

“I could have taken them,” Arthur boasted.

“Really?” Dark scoffed as he walked over to fix part of Yan’s hair that was still sticking up from the fight. He pulled out a comb, Yan smiled up at him. “That’s not what I was seeing.”

“Another couple minutes and I would have had them,” Arthur proclaimed.

“Highly doubtful since Gatling’s barriers are aura-proof,” Dark slipped the comb back into the void. “All your powers are aura-based.”

“All our powers are,” Arthur spat angrily.

“Not Kay,” Illinois reminded.

“Hmm?” Kay stirred, still half-asleep.

“Duh, Kay’s fucking useless, he doesn’t have powers,” Arthur retorted.

“Hnnnm,” Kay grumbled angrily.

“That’s enough,” Dark snapped, using his aura to pick Kay up. The young man leaned against Dark just like he did when he was a kid. “Your brother is not useless. You will not call him that.”

Arthur glared at him but didn’t say anything.

“Yan,” Dark turned to his daughter. “Will has a surprise for you, your birthday is tomorrow after all.”

“Yay!” Yan jumped a bit and clapped her hands. “Are you introducing me to Davie?”

“Princess,” Dark began in a threatening, sweet tone, “He is 25, if that bastard so much as looks at you, I will skin him alive and fashion his ribs into a crown.”

The Entity ripped a portal open into Kay’s room and carefully stepped around the collection of stuffed animals. He magicked the young man into a set of pajamas and under his blankets. Then he walked back out into the living room to keep arguing with Yan out in the living room.

“You never let me have a boyfriend,” Yan pouted.

“Not until you’re old enough to stop chasing after older men who work for me,” Dark informed tersely, walking into his office with her following after him. “I don’t let Bim date within the network either.”

“Illy gets to date your workers,” Yan demanded.

Dark closed the door, “Considering they die on his missions I didn’t think you would seek to emulate him.”

“Just because he’s your favorite, he gets everything,” Yan reminded, frustrated.

“Don’t be absurd,” Dark told him. “I don’t have a favorite.”

Wilford smiled against the top of Dark’s shoulder, he had suddenly appeared behind Dark. “Everyone knows you favor him Darky, don’t worry about it.”

Dark’s aura bristled at the sudden appearance of his partner. “No I don’t. You’re all ridiculous.”

“Dad, tell him I can date Davie,” Yan demanded.

“Absolutely,” Wil encouraged, but when Dark glared at him he clicked his mouth shut for a second before saying, “well, Darky says no, so I’m guessing the answer is no.”

“Dad!” Yan complained.

Dark cleared his throat, and Wilford seemed to have a flash of memory in his eyes.

“Oh, yes, we’re here to . . . uh,” Wilford frowned and looked at Dark. His next words were whispered but Yan was too close so it didn’t stay between the two grown adults. “Why are we here again?”

“It’s Yan’s birthday,” Dark told him calmly.

“It’s your birthday, sweetheart!” Wilford spun around, arms wide before he gave her a giant hug. “Happy birthday, princess.”

“Thanks, Daddy,” Yan smiled.

Wilford released her and held out his fingers and a sheathed sword appeared on his fingers. The sword was in a pink colored steel sheathed, the hilt on the front was a red rose that had black leaves curved around as a guard. “Pour toi, mademoiselle.”

Yan squealed and jumped for Wilford, Dark quickly taking the sword out of his hands. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

“Thank your father,” Wilford smiled, hugging her and nudging her in Dark’s direction. “It was his idea.”

“Wil,” Dark warned.

The young teen smiled at Dark before racing over to hug him. “Thank you so much.”

The hug was short and Yan was too excited to notice that Dark’s hands were shaking when she grabbed onto him. She took the sword and just stared at the gems and hilt of the sword. “It’s so pretty.”

“All for our lovely princess,” Wilford smiled as Dark clasped his hands behind his back. Wilford rested his forehead against her head, a warm smile on his head. “Tomorrow is your day sweetheart, but we wanted to start the celebration off right, didn’t we Darky?”

“Of course,” Dark agreed and the two walked back into the living room with her where most of the family was to plan the next day out.

[the-black-dragons-den]

Hello! How're things going with you these days? Hope it's going alright

Hi! I’ve been meaning to respond to this for days but I also wanted to take this as an opportunity to just kind of, elaborate on my life because it’s been kind of crazy! I am so sorry for turning this into a novel about myself because a simple “I’m doing better, thanks!” probably would have sufficed to answer, but I also needed to get this all out!

Also you know you are one of my favorite mutuals, I adore your blog, and your presence on my tumblr feed always makes me smile! Thank you for checking in with me, that’s super sweet of you!

TLDR; My mental health is a daily struggle but I’m taking real steps to take care of myself. My financial situation has dramatically improved, I didn’t catch Coronavirus, and in general things are looking up! I’m also trying to decide what the heck to do with my life - seek a better job now or go back to school to train to get a better job. 

Here’s the long version!

At the end of last year, my fiance and I both quit our jobs due to a SUPER toxic work environment. That lead to a very long and stressful battle to win my unemployment benefits from that employer (but I did win eventually!) That whole thing was really hard on my mental health, but worth it in the end. Even with that, we basically blew through all of our very meager year-long savings (that was intended to go toward my fiance’s much needed dental work) for rent and groceries, right around the 2019 holidays so that was a really hard time. We both found jobs (mine part-time and his first one temporary and his current one full-time and awesome) but we still spent the first couple months of this year going to the food bank every week and barely making rent. We’ve been in hard times like that before but having to spend ALL of our savings was gut-wrenching. 

So, roughly 3 weeks after my fiance got his new awesome job, Coronavirus became a big threat in our area and he was immediately laid off. Luckily, he was guaranteed his job back, and was able to get unemployment during that time. I’m still on unemployment while I’m working this part-time job, but more on that later. Anyway, that means we both received the extra pandemic benefits with our unemployment payments. 

My job now is merchandising, which means that I work for a company that’s contracted by stores in the area, and I go to those stores and do things like setting displays, compliance scanning, etc. Honestly, so few people who don’t work as merchandisers know the job even exists, but I promise that a bunch of the displays at your local stores are not put there or stocked by store employees. It’s part-time, I work independently and for the most part don’t have to interact with a ton of people (which is really helpful for my anxiety). So, all in all, not a bad job for me, especially while I try to figure out what’s next.--

---Anyway, I didn’t stop working at all during the pandemic, which was good for our finances but again, hard on my mental health. (This is kind of whiny but it was incredibly wearing that I was an essential worker, but I watched other essential workers get raises and hazard pay and an outflow of support, and because people don’t know merchandisers are a thing, no one really thought to thank or support us, or give us more money.) I actually took on several more stores during April and May to cover for coworkers. I really am grateful to have had a job but let me tell you, being out there in the pool of stress exuding from everyone’s pores every day for hours at a time really wound my brain up. 

However! Despite the mental health struggle that, let’s be honest, is impossible to avoid with my pre-existing conditions and the state of the world, things are looking up! Between unemployment benefits, the stimulus, my fiance’s severance, and his return to work and subsequent promotion and raise (SO PROUD OF HIM!), we are financially more steady now than... we ever have been. We’re slowly getting his dental work taken care of, which we’ve been trying to do for nearly four years. We’re never worried about rent, we have money saved, and OH OH OH, I am now 82% paid on my debt!!! I racked up credit card debt several years ago when we were very broke (buying groceries and necessities no less) and have been paying it for 3 years now, and I’ve actually made real progress! I have a “good” credit score! That feels amazing! My fiance even accidentally dropped and shattered his phone, and we were able to order a new (still relatively inexpensive) one that night, without having to sacrifice grocery money or anything which was awesome (especialyl because he needs his phone for work).

Additionally, I recently ask my job if I could cut back on hours because I was getting so burnt out and I needed to do this for my mental health. Between my fiance and I, I’m the driver so I have to make time for errands, and because he works full time (and a decent bit of overtime), I try to handle as much of the household chores as I can. But that altogether with work and making sure we can both get to needed appointments and stuff is A LOT to handle. And because he’s making good money now, I can actually take this step back from work, cut back on my hours, and we’re not super hurting for money because of it. We’ve never had a time together when we haven’t been calculating our hours day by day, trying to get more work time at any opportunity, scraping for every cent we earned. This is so amazing and different. 

So I’ve cut back on my hours for the sake of my mental health. I’ve downloaded a mood-tracking app to try to get more insight into my patterns, moods and behaviors. I’ve made time for relaxation - long hot baths are my thing. I’m almost debt-free which is a huge weight off my shoulders. I just... want to be able to get out of bed most mornings without having a mental breakdown, that’s the first goal. It’s a struggle, but it’s a goal!

I’m also trying to make time to decide what to do with my life. I completed 2 years of college but never finished. I’ve only ever worked kind of crappy entry-level jobs. I really struggle with customer interaction (super wearing on me, makes me miserable) and I’d love to find a career where that’s limited, but I’m not sure if that means I’ll need to go back to school. My parents are also pushing me to make sure I seek a career in a field that pays well and is growing, which is logical, but has already made them discourage me out of the idea of being a paralegal, which I was really interested in... I’d like to go back to school but I really need a path before I make that decision. None of my passions (make-up, music, or being a paralegal apparently) are really things I could make a financially lucrative career out of, unless I had the dedication and talent of much healthier person, mentally. I’d like to be a forensic analyst maybe, but my parents are trying to talk me out of that one too. My dad has always wanted me to be an architect but I am not adept with math and I don’t want to design boring office buildings. In the meantime, it’s really hard to find a job that I get into without a degree, that allows me that minimal interaction with people and actually pays decently well. So I’m struggling but now I have time to actually think about it and figure it out, which is awesome. 

LASTLY, I promise ---- I have nothing but support in my heart for the BLM movement, and I have been horrified by the actions of local and national police forces, and deeply proud of some of my peers who have been going to protests daily, helping speak out against the horrors being committed upon the colored communities in our country. I have not had the ability to participate in any protests, but I can’t explain the deep emotional grief that I feel over the unjust deaths, the tear gas and rubber bullets, the plowing down of innocent people. Videos of brutality make me ache with despair but I share them because I’m so fearful that if the wrong people come out on top in this situation, these videos and records of what was done to the American people will be destroyed. Though I am lucky to be surrounded by peers who share my feelings, these events have definitely strained my already tenuous relationship with my very conservative parents, and feeling so alienated from them has brought up a lot of childhood pain. However, as a very sheltered white female, I understand that my grief and despair cannot compare to the grief of black, brown, and other non-white communities during this time. 

In conclusion, 2020 has been a real shit year so far but I’m standing here fighting back with every fiber of my being to make life better for me and my fiance, to get on top of my mental health, and to figure out what I’m doing with my life now!

[sheliesshattered]

2020 20 Fact Game

I was tagged by @sinister--potato​, thank you!

1. Do you make your bed? I usually pull the blankets up because my cat prefers to sleep on the bed for most of the day, but it’s never particularly neatly made. 2. What’s your favourite number?  Changes often, but I’m partial to 11, 12, 16, 21, 22, and 36. 3. What’s your job?  I retired from working almost a decade ago to focus on managing my chronic health issues full-time. I have them mostly under control now, but in such a way that going back to work would throw the whole careful balancing act right out the window. My husband works though, so I mostly keep the house from falling apart and pursue various creative projects, primarily writing, painting, and fiber arts. 4. If you could, would you go back to school?  I’ve considered going back to college and pursuing an education in costume design, but that also has the potential to wreck my health again, and even if I managed to limp through and eventually get a degree, I wouldn’t be able to work. Instead I’ve focused on self-educating (the internet has a lot of resources!) and may eventually take one or two specific classes at the local community college, to improve my skills in things like tailoring. 5. Can you parallel park?  Barely, with extreme stress. I had to parallel park my truck for the first time last week and was very glad to have my husband there to help guide me into the spot, lol. 6. A job you had which would surprise people?  I worked as a video game designer for about a decade, including close to a year on the one and only authorized Firefly/Serenity MMO, and even got to have a development meeting with Joss Whedon at one point. And then, naturally, Fox killed it. (Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!) 7. Do you think aliens are real?  I think there’s definitely other planets in the universe that have native life, but having looked into the math of one of the interpretations of the Fermi Paradox -- the age of the universe, the fraction of stars that could actually support life, time frame it would take life to develop from single-celled organisms to intelligent civilization-building life, etc -- I think we are likely the first generation of space-going intelligence anywhere in the universe. There might be other civilizations out there at a similar development stage as us, but we’re separated by such vast distances that we’re unlikely to ever meet or even hear from each other, unless/until one of us first-generation civilizations develops space folding techniques to travel much faster than light. I don’t think there’s an older, wiser, more developed civilization out there waiting to welcome us to a galactic or universal brotherhood of space-faring civilizations. It’s something that occasionally makes me incredibly sad. 8. Can you drive a manual car?  Yes, but it’s been more than a decade since I sold my last manual transmission car. They’re just too rough on my wonky knee joints to drive regularly. 9. What’s your guilty pleasure?  I tend to love things wholeheartedly and openly, and not give a shit what anyone else thinks. But my husband and I do occasionally watch something we really hate just so we can loudly mock it together in the privacy of our own home. (And then keep those opinions to ourselves, to allow others to openly and unashamedly love what they love.) 10. Tattoos?  None, but I’ve toyed with getting one in reference to either Doctor Who or the Voyager golden record. 11. Favourite colour?  Sapphire blue, but I wear mostly black and gray. 12. Things people do that drive you crazy?  Walk slow when other people are behind them, smoke cigarettes in public. 13. Any phobias?  Generally no, but every now and then deep-sea thalassophobia will get me. 14. Favourite childhood sport?  Does climbing trees count? I was an intensely non-sports oriented child, and not much has changed in the decades since, lol. 15. Do you talk to yourself?  Mostly just when I’m sewing. I also sing to myself on the regular. 16. What movie do you adore?  There are a lot of sci-fi and fantasy movies that have had a huge impact on my personality and life trajectory, but About Time is one I can say I absolutely adore. 17. Do you like doing puzzles?  Sometimes, but the lack of a useful object at the end of it usually puts me off. We were gifted a really cool 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle for Christmas, and just finished it up yesterday because I was getting sick of it taking up my entire sewing table when there are things I need to be working on. I usually satisfy the puzzle itch with something like knitting or embroidery, but giant complex jigsaw puzzles when on holiday with family is a tradition I grew up with. 18. Favourite kind of music?  An eclectic mix of pop-leaning stuff, some very mainstream and some much more obscure. Anything that makes me think of my current fandom/ship, generally speaking. I have to like the lyrics and want to sing along. 19. Tea or coffee?  I am a strict no-caffeine person, but I like herbal tea and hot chocolate quite a lot. 20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up?  A spy, lol.

Tagging @megsann13, @tangentmusings, @someillplanetreigns, @tounknowndestinations, and @sacrificethemtothesquid, if you feel like doing it. :D

[sunyoonandstars]

✨Linked✨ || BTS Soulmate AU Series || You x !Soulmate! Yoongi  || Part 23 | FINAL CHAPTER

Text/Social Media/Narrative Series || Soulmate & College AU

Previous Part | Next Part 

LINKED MASTERLIST

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

― Plato, The Symposium

Credit goes to the incredible @789cream for creating this beautiful mood board for my series. Thank you so much, my love!

🎶 PLAYLIST 🎶

Pairing You x Soulmate! Yoongi

Word count 8.362

‘siblings’, according to age: Namjoon, Jimin, y/n, Taehyung (you grew up living in the same foster home as implied in earlier parts of this series)

angst, fluff

!WARNINGS! mentions of violence/injury, blood, hospitals, death, grief and funerals 

A/N: Don’t let this scare you off, though. I promise, nothing is what it seems. You’re in for quite a few plot twists ...

Previously, on ‘Linked’…

Eventually, after years of successfully having avoided it, you have come across your soulmate. An ominous stranger of whom you know no more than the back of his head, his phone number and that he works as a part-time barista at your (former) favorite coffee shop.

Having been pressured by a friend into contacting him, things start to get complicated. Because your heart already belongs to another. And, haunted by the ghosts of your past, the last thing you want is for your soul to find its one, true, destined mate.

After texting back and forth for days with the man only known to you as your ‘Soulmate’, you are forced to break contact since he is starting to get too close and your boyfriend Jimin is anything but pleased with that. When your paths, however, cross, the ominous ‘Suga’, as he calls himself, refrains from revealing his true identity to you - which would mean an instant link of souls and the end of his torture -  and, instead, is set on making his way into your life the right way.A fateful accident at your workplace is followed by a visit to the emergency room and a falling out with your boyfriend, Jimin, leading you to turn to a virtual stranger for comfort. A whole day you spend with the mysterious Suga who’s familiarity is an enigma to you. Until his true identity is revealed and things quickly turn sour, starting to snowball from then on, the events sending you into a rapid downward spiral. Until, by some twist of fate, your paths cross once more …

CHAPTER 23

"So, he basically proposed to you? In his kitchen? Out of nowhere?" Taehyung asks, for the second time already. He looks at you from across the table, his long fingers absentmindedly playing with the straw of his vanilla frappuccino. The drink is so cold, the cup keeps collecting drops of condensed water, sparkling like gemstones in the coffee shop's artificial lighting. You watch them make their way to the table top as you respond to your brother's inquiry without meeting his curious glance. 

"Yes," you repeat your answer. "Yoon asked me to marry him." 

"And you –?" He questioningly raises a brow. 

"I freaked. I panicked. I literally ran away. I wasn't even wearing shoes. I still have blisters." 

"Wow," Taehyung snickers. "I'm impressed, y/n. Your setting new standards. This is just a little over the top, even for yourself."

"I know," you whimper as you slide down in your seat and lean forward, placing your forehead on the table, your blushing face now hidden by a messy curtain of hair. "I'm mortified, Tae. How can I ever face him again?"

"I don't know. How long has it been since you last saw him?"

"Two days." 

"Two days? And you haven't talked since, well, your highly dignified exit?"  

"No. No word,“ you state, sitting back up again. 

"And why did you say he proposed to you? Just like that?" 

"It wasn't for no reason," you sigh as you sit back up. "He got a letter. From the Ministry of Family Planning. A Final Notice. Because he didn't finalize the Link. Which is basically my fault. But it seems they're holding him responsible for it. So, I don't know. We either have to link or get married or something. Which is why he proposed, sort of."

"Wow. Okay." 

"What's that supposed to mean? I know that expression, Taehyung. You're judging me right now."

"Well, of course, I am. I mean, you're soulmates," he scoffs. "I really don't get what's so difficult about this, y/n. He's your soulmate, and his love for you goes even beyond the Link. I can tell. And you have feelings for him, too, obviously. And deep ones at that, I'd say. So, what more does it require for you to say 'Yes' and let things follow their natural flow?" 

"If only things were that easy," you grumble, more to yourself, as you withdraw your hands into the sleeves of your sweater. Yoon's sweater, actually. His signature scent still inhabits the heavy fabric. You can feel your insides twist at the thought of him, the memory of his warmth, his embrace. 

"Why must you always make things unnecessarily difficult for yourself?" Taehyung shakes his head in apparent frustration. "Why complicate this matter when it's actually so easy, the most natural thing of all? Just give in and link with him already. Go to him and do it, right now." 

"I can't." 

"What? That's bullshit." 

"No. It's not, Tae. It's a fact. He wouldn't allow it. Yoon wants us to be real. A real couple, with real feelings. He wanted me to prove to him that I could do it without the Link. That I would still stay. And I got that. I respected that. And messed up. You know, part of me still hoped every single day for him to just tell me his full name and get it over with. Because I was scared, Tae. Really fucking scared. And now it's too late." 

There it is again. That tremor in your voice and hands, the flutter of your heart. Merely thinking about Yoon and the drastic turn your last meeting took towards its end instills sheer terror into each and every fiber of your being. Taehyung must have noticed because one of his hands instinctively reaches out to cover yours, its warmness grounding, making it a little easier for you to breathe. 

"Scared of what, y/n?" he asks, the sound of his deep voice, low and tender, a welcome distraction from the noise inside and around you.  

You made the right choice in seeking out your brother, you now realize. Once more he proves to be the steady rock you learned to hold onto whenever the storm within threatened to overwhelm you. Your bastion of calm. A kindred soul wise beyond its age. Taehyung understands. He always does. Because the two of you aren't all that different. Now you see that you were wrong to have avoided him for these past few days. Taehyung wouldn't have judged you. He never does. Does he?

"You can tell me, y/n. What were you so afraid of if it wasn't the Link itself?" 

“I was scared of the way he makes me feel, Tae,“ you eventually admit. 

"Of growing too attached, too dependent. Too fond of him. Of being hurt. Of being left. Of being without him," you barely manage to croak out, struggling to blink back tears. "You know, Yoon makes me feel whole. He makes it so easy for me to let loose, to actually be myself around him, around other people. He makes me feel safe and vulnerable at the same time. And he makes me forget the pain, the sadness, my fears. When I'm with him. But the second I'm not, it all comes crashing down on me, and I get scared. What if he leaves me? For good? What if things don't work out in the end? Or if he, you know – Like my dad. If he –"

"Dies?" 

"Yes. What the hell am I supposed to do then? How will I live? Once I let him in for good, once he's in there –" You point to your heart. "How will I survive and who will I be after he's gone?" 

"I don't know. Nobody ever does." 

"Right. And it's fucking scary." 

"Of course it is." Taehyung's calloused thumb keeps on rubbing the back of your hand while he talks, his expression serious. "But ... Have you told him all this? Have you told Yoon about the way you feel for him? About your fears? Because, knowing you, I have a feeling you didn't." 

"Of course I didn't." 

"See, that's your first mistake. If you feel like that about a person, you need to tell them, y/n. Communication is key. You could be feeling a hell of a lot better right now if you had talked things over with him instead of me. And instead of just, you know, running, like you always do." 

"Yeah, I know I screwed up, okay?" You pull back your hand to playfully punch Taehyung in the ribs. "It just happened so quickly. All I heard were the words 'Marriage' and 'Link' and 'Children' and I freaked. Hell, I don't even know if I want children yet. After what happened with my parents – I don't know if I could risk putting my child through something similar." 

With a defeated groan, you let your head drop back down to the tabletop, tearing at your hair until Taehyung gently stops you by taking your hands into his own. 

"But aren't those the thoughts and doubts we all have to face when considering to build a family?" he asks, the sound of his voice almost drowned out by the ringing in your ears. 

Deep breaths, y/n. Deep breaths.

"Yeah. I guess," you sigh as you sit back up, provisionally fixing your disheveled hair as good as you can without a mirror in sight. "But Yoon's words just flipped a switch inside of me, Tae. Like, I literally panicked. I couldn't breathe, and then those nasty things just came pouring from my lips, and I don't even remember exactly what I said. It was like an out-of-body experience. I watched myself break his heart, and I couldn't even do anything about it. It was as if my protective instincts just entirely took over. I felt like a cornered deer or something. Trapped, blindsided. Like my whole world was being turned upside down, and I couldn't stop falling. Like, seriously, Tae. What did he expect me to say? Yes!?" You scoff, feeling your heart rate quicken again as you relive those agonizing minutes spent in Yoon's kitchen. "One second, we barely make it as a couple, and the next he asks me to spend the rest of my life with him?" 

"Well, would you?" 

"Would I what?"

"Spend the rest of your life with him? Can you see yourself doing that?"

"I – I don't know."

"You must know, deep down."

"I – I guess so. I mean. Yes. If I would have to spend the rest of my life with one single person, it would definitely be Yoon. That's for sure." 

"Well, you better tell him that, y/n. Right now. Like, literally. Right this second." 

You don't like your brother's tone. For some reason, it sends an icy shiver down your spine. 

"Why? You sound pretty urgent, Tae. What is it? What aren't you telling me?" 

"Y/n, I don't know if it is my place to tell you, but I'm afraid Yoon lied to you. Or at least he kept part of the truth to himself."

Taehyung flinches as your grip on his hands tightens.

"What the hell are you talking about, Tae? What did he keep from me?"

"Well." He inhales deeply as if he is bracing himself for a punch to the gut. 

"Actually, there are not two, but three options the Ministry leaves people like him with. One, establish the Link no matter what or how. Two, get married first and ease, but still finalize the Link later, within a year. Or three." He pauses, holding your gaze, the look in his eyes frighteningly grave. "Get 'treated'. Meaning, Yoon will have to see a 'specialist' at the Ministry who will give him some kind of serum that will lead to a change in his DNA. He will no longer be linked to you but will be assigned a new Soulmate matching his DNA and the required criteria. The people at the Ministry will then proceed to erase his memory of you so he can have the life he was designated to live, based on his genetic code and his predetermined role in society." 

"Wait. You're kidding me, right? They can't possibly do that."

"Yes, they can. And I know that for a fact. Nana works for the Ministry, you know. She tells me about these things sometimes. Heartbreaking stories."

"You're bullshitting me right now, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not, y/n." Taehyung slowly shakes his head, his expression unchanged. "It's true. And it's been done a lot of times. Did wonders for the suicide rate. It dropped by seventy percent ever since they legalized Erasure." 

"How did I not know about this?" You can feel your throat grow tighter by the second. 

"I guess this is knowledge parents are supposed to pass on to their children. Since you grew up in foster homes, this kind of information most likely got lost along the way in your case." 

"Why don't they teach this in school?" 

"They do. But I changed schools a lot before the Kim family took me in. You did, too, right? You were moved around a lot. So, you probably missed it." 

"Shit. You're right. But Yoon must have known."

"I'm sure he did. And most likely assumed you know, too – or was hoping you didn't. One of the two." 

"Fuck." 

"And as far as I know, he must have already informed the Ministry of his decision. To abandon the Link. Because the party having received the Final Notice is usually required to report back to the Ministry within 48 hours. And keep the next possible appointment for Erasure. Which would be the first Wednesday of every month. Which would be –" A gasp escapes Taehyung's parted lips with one look at his wristwatch. "– today." 

"Shit," you soundlessly breathe, sensing a numbing cold take hold of your limbs. 

"The Ministry opens at nine in the morning. Now it's half past nine, so, Yoon's either on his way there or already inside, waiting for his number to be called. Maybe you can make it there in time if you run. It's not far. Just, like, fifteen minutes walking distance," you can hear Taehyung talk through the steadily thickening fog that threatens to smother you.

"Y/n? Can you hear me? You will have to hurry because the procedure is being performed on the subjects at minute intervals, for efficiency reasons. There's not a lot of talking involved, and he will already have filled out all the documents beforehand. Meaning, you should go. Now."

"Subjects? Efficiency?" you sneer, tears clouding your vision as you pull your hand from Taehyung's grasp. "What kind of fucked up world do we live in? We're talking about people here, Taehyung, about lives. How can Nana  work for this government?" 

"Y/n, calm down."

"The hell I won't!" you cry out, rising from your seat so abruptly, your chair falls to the ground with an ear-splitting bang. Heads are turning now, but you couldn't care less. "They can't do that! They can't just erase me like that. They –"

"Y/n," Taehyung continues in slowly getting up, his tone placating and one slender hand reaching out in a reassuring manner. "Please, calm down. You're making a scene." 

"Of course I am. Because this is wrong. And everybody should know that. It's just wrong. They can't take that away from him. From us. Nobody has the right to just erase feelings, to erase a whole person from somebody's mind."

"You brought this on yourself, y/n. I'm not saying the government is right. I'm not saying they should handle these matters the way they do. But, think hard. Weren't you the one who kept pushing Yoon out of your life? Didn't you wish you had never met him?" 

"That was ages ago, Tae. So much has changed since then. I love him. I fucking love him more than anything, okay!?" 

"Exactly," Taehyung now smiles to your great confusion. "Exactly, y/n. That's what I wanted to hear. You love him. You really do. And he loves you. But that's the problem. That's what put you on the government's radar in the first place." He lowers his voice. "People like you and Yoon, you're deviations. You're dangerous. So, of course, they'd keep a close eye on you. And they will definitely see to it that Yoon gets paired up nicely with some dull little girl who will be a reliable housewife and give him a handsome child. And, soon, – give it a few days – you will find a letter in your mail, too, y/n. That's what they do. They fix you. The government. They fix people like you. They realize they've made a mistake in Linking you and Yoon, and now they wanna reverse it. Because the two of you are proof that the system is flawed. That love can't be controlled. And you should take pride in that. I sure as hell hope none of their spies are listening in right now, but I say screw them. Go show those people that you don't give a fuck about their rules. Break them. Break the system. Go get your man." 

You're out the door before Taehyung gets to finish his sentence. 

Sports were never your strong suit, running least of all. Nonetheless, you sprint down the street as if you were running for your life. Storefronts and faces keep rushing past you, and all you can hear is the sound your own heavy breathing combined with your rapidly pounding heartbeat. 

You can't be late. You simply can't be. 

This can't be it. You refuse to believe that. 

No. You're going to be on time. You will be on time. And no one can stop you now. Not even your cowardly yourself. 

Panting, your burning lungs desperately longing for air, you stop at a red traffic light, so eager to keep moving, the Ministry already in sight, that you almost consider crossing the broad main street despite the raging rush hour traffic. You can feel your blood burn through its vessels, urging you to go to him, to go to Yoon. To tell him that you want him to be yours for life. When the light finally turns green, your legs can't seem to carry you fast enough. Just about two hundred more yards separate you from the crowded plaza in front of the ministry building that towers over the surrounding boulevards like a fortress made entirely of white marble. The golden morning sun bouncing off its ivory walls and polished windows is blinding you, giving this architectural atrocity an air of divine superiority and innocence. What a shameless lie. 

Struggling for breath, you come to a full stop in the middle of the plaza, searching the surge of people swarming to the building's pompous entryway for a familiar face. But you can't spot Yoon anywhere. Your heart already starts dropping, the fear that you are too late after all, that he is already inside and you lost him for good, weighing on it like a boulder when your eyes eventually meet his. For a few seconds, you forget how to breathe, how to exist, and time itself seems to come to a halt. 

No way. 

But it really is him. And Yoon stops cold in his step, staring at you in utter disbelief, his incredulous expression a reflection of your own. 

People keep moving on around you like a ceaseless stream, but none of them matter. Nothing matters but him. Yoon. Your soulmate. Right there, mere steps away. In your reach. 

Everything is going to be okay. 

You will be with him. 

The hint of a smile begins tugging at the corner of Yoon's mouth as he turns toward you, taking a first step in your direction. 

You can't believe it. You made it. You actually made it. 

This moment seems almost too good to be true. And in horror, you realize that it is indeed. Too good to be true. 

Too late, you recognize the imminent danger, notice the truck advancing at full speed out of the corner of your eye. 

The vehicle plows into the throng of people without slowing down, the sound of the crash being followed by an ear-splitting explosion and screams of pain and terror tearing through the brisk morning. The blast wave sends you staggering to the ground. For a split second, you black out. When you regain consciousness, you are surrounded by chaos.

Names are being called. Lifeless bodies are lying on top of each other, faces distorted by agony. 

Almost nobody was left standing. The entire plaza is covered with future corpses.  

And Yoon has disappeared. 

It takes you a few seconds to break free from your paralysis. Eventually, you regain limited control over your limbs and can see yourself moving towards the spot where you last saw Yoon. The hollow ringing, caused by the explosion, does not leave your ears. It nearly drowns out the shouts for help and outcries of agony coming from all directions. 

Blood. And so much of it. 

Blood is everywhere. People, thrown on top of each other like broken dolls, their arms and legs bent in unnatural angles. A sudden surge of overwhelming nausea forces you to your knees. 

Pain. So much pain. Death all around you. 

Why? How? What happened? 

Your brain can't process the images your eyes absorb, gruesome scenes that burn themselves into your mind for life. 

You don't think, you act. Almost automatically, you keep scanning the square for Yoon, his face, his hair, the shirt he wore. Anything you might be able to recognize him by. 

Stranger's hands are grabbing at your legs. The injured keep begging for your help, and it troubles you to leave them behind, but you have to know. If the searing pain on the inside of your wrist and the vague, harrowing sensation taking up your chest mean what you think they do. That Yoon is still breathing, fighting for his life, out there somewhere in this horrible mess. 

"Yoon!" you call out his name, again and again, until your throat is sore. 

Tears start clouding your vision, turning everything into a bloody blur. 

You keep stumbling, falling over lifeless bodies. The sickly sweet, metallic stench of death rises to your nose, sending you staggering, vertigo almost overpowering your will to keep going. 

No. No. This isn't right. Yoon can't be dead. He can't be. He isn't. You have to keep moving. You have to find him. 

And eventually, you do. 

An outcry of relief breaking free from your painfully constricted chest, you drop to your knees next to him who is struggling to move out from under a dismembered corpse. 

"You're alive," you sob, carefully pushing the dead body off Yoon's legs. His plaid shirt is drenched in thick, red blood. Not his, you hope, no, pray. 

"Barely," he coughs, cherry-colored liquid dropping from his pale lips. 

No. No. No. 

"Don't move," you urge him, scooting closer so you can carefully place his head in your lap. "You shouldn't speak. We don't know where exactly you're injured." 

You try hard to hold back the tears, to be strong for Yoon, calm. But the sight of him makes it almost impossible for you to do so. 

His beautiful face is covered in scratches and bruises. A horrendous gash stretches across his pallid forehead, just beneath the hairline, and his left arm seems to be broken, his hand already having turned an unsightly blue.

Now that he rests in your embrace, Yoon's trembling body seems to relax at least a little, easing into your arms. Lips pressed together to hold in another sob, you watch his eyelids flutter shut. 

"Yoon? Stay awake, will you?" 

He hums in response. 

"Can you tell me where you're hurt?" 

"Well, here ... for ... starters," he scoffs, using his right hand to point to his left side. Only now do you notice the piece of metal penetrating his body, right where his left lung must be situated. 

"Don't look, y/n. I did and I ... almost ... puked." 

"I said no talking, idiot," you hiss, gently pressing down on the wound around the piece of what could once have been a piece of the nearby steps' banister in an effort to keep his lifeblood from seeping out. You don't know how much more Yoon can afford to lose in his weakened state. Judging by the color of his skin, not much. 

He needs to get to a hospital. Now. 

Every second passing seems to stretch into an hour as you strain your ears hoping to pick up the sound of approaching sirens. But nothing. Not yet. 

Hurry, you silently pray. 

"You ... asked," Yoon coughs, a worrying wheeziness to his voice. 

"And you answered. Now, shush." 

It's so warm. The blood. His blood. Running through your fingers and with it valuable minutes of his life, one after the other. And there's nothing you can do but wait. Wait and hope. 

"Why ... are you here, y/n?"

Yoon struggles to open his eyes, his face white as a sheet at this point. His question comes unexpectedly. For a few seconds, you simply stare at him, mouth agape, petrified, as he patiently awaits your reply, looking up at you out of glassy eyes.

"Well," you stammer, struggling to regain your composure. "To tell you. That I love you." 

His eyes grow slightly wider. 

"It's –"

"Yeah, I know. This is the first time I actually said it," you cut him off. 

"Happy now?" you snivel, a first tear breaking your rigorously maintained barriers. "You know, I thought I would just call you in a few days, and we could maybe talk everything over, find common ground. I didn't know this would happen."

Yoon takes a shaky breath. You can feel his body shiver in your grasp.

"Well, we don't ... always ... get second chances."

"Shush. Shut your mouth. You're bleeding. I said no more talking."

You can tell he has a snappy comeback ready for you on the tip of his tongue, but fatigue seems to get the better of him before it gets a chance to leave his lips. Instead, he coughs up blood again. A sight that lets your heart skip a beat and sends an icy shiver down your spine. 

No. No. No. This can't be happening. He's gonna make it. He has to. 

"Damn. I didn't picture our next meeting like this, you know. Not at all," you start talking, fear loosening your tongue, leading the words to gush out against your will, without rhyme or reason, while hot tears stream down your cheeks. "This, this is fucked up. This can't be happening. It shouldn't. This is not how it was supposed to go. You're innocent. You – You never did anything wrong. This is all my fault. I'm the one who should be lying here." 

"Don't … say that," Yoon frowns, his voice barely a whisper. 

Finally, you can hear sirens closing in. 

"But I mean it, Yoon. If I could, I'd take your place. But I can't, and it's killing me." You are cut short by a wave of violent sobs. "I'm – I'm sorry, Yoon. So sorry. Jeez, when is this fucking ambulance gonna get here?" 

Unable to withstand Yoon's scrutinizing glance, you take a look around, pretending to search the scene for any signs of paramedics before your eyes eventually find his again. 

"Stop it. None of this ... is ... your fault ... y/n. You ... didn't drive that truck ... did you?" 

"No," you laugh through tears. "Of course not." 

"See?" Just the hint of a smug smile now curves Yoon's pale lips that are covered with a film of dark red blood. His eyes stay closed. Not a good sign. 

"I can't believe you," you shake your head. "How are you smiling right now?" 

"Because ... I made you ... laugh." 

"You're unbelievable. Seriously." You can hear the first ambulance arrive, car doors being slammed shut, steps approaching, tense voices shouting instructions. The police are at the scene just seconds after. It's just a matter of time now before help will be here. And before they take Yoon away from you, you realize, a thought that fills you with utter dread.

What if you never get to see him again? What if this is it? 

"Yoon, help is gonna be here any moment now. But before the paramedics get here –– Please, tell me your name." 

"No. Let's not ... do this ... right now," he frowns, not opening his eyes.

"But we may not get another chance. And I don't care if you die or not. Which you won't, obviously. I want it. The Link. Now," you insist. "Please, Yoon. I want my soul to be bound to yours eternally. No, I don't just want it to be. I need it to be. One with yours. Yoon, I really do. I'm not just saying this, I swear."

"But that ... would be ... cruel," he whispers, his voice barely audible, dark brows drawn together. 

"I don't care. I know what I'm getting into. I said I want it and I do. Please, Yoon. This is my decision. Tell me your name," you beg, fighting to keep your voice steady.

Slowly, Yoon opens his eyes, obviously struggling to keep them open as his gaze locks with yours.

"I ... could never ... do that to you."

"You aren't," you assure him, placing one hand on Yoon's cold cheek. It feels unfamiliar to your touch. Not warm and comforting, but delicate. You can literally watch the life drain from his papery skin. Nonetheless, he looks beautiful. So beautiful it hurts. A fallen angel, gradually fading. 

"You aren't doing anything to me, Yoon. This is my choice. And I already know that I love you. I love you more than anything. And, whatever happens, I will always love you. All my life, I was so fucking scared I would never be able to say this with confidence. To say this and actually mean it. But I can now." 

You pause, inhaling deeply to catch your breath. 

"I know I'm a little late. And I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it. But I love you, Yoon." Smiling, you look down at him through a blur of tears. "And it would be my honor to spend the rest of my life by your side. As your Soulmate." 

One last, gleaming smile lights up Yoon's features that are so unbelievably graceful even in their current state before his eyes shut and his head falls back ––  just when his lips were about to part and, lastly, carry his full name to your ears. You can feel his body go limp in your hold. 

No. 

"No. No. Yoon! Yoon? Can you hear me? Can you –"

"I'm sorry, Miss, but we're gonna have to take your friend with us, now," a medic explains as he gently pushes you aside, two more of them cautiously lifting an unconscious Yoon onto a stretcher. 

"No pulse," one of them comments after checking Yoon's vitals. 

Everything past this point is a blur. 

It feels as if you were pushed into cold water, freezing over and trapping you underneath a massive layer of ice, helpless, drowning. Numb.

You can't even remember how you got here as you anxiously pace the grey linoleum floor of some hospital's colorless corridor. Your heart is racing and so is your mind. 

Yoon. He is all you can think about. 

They have been operating on him for hours now. How many, you can't say. Too many, that's for sure. 

"Y/n, please sit down for a bit and have some water." Gently, Namjoon grabs you by your shoulders, bringing your manic wandering to a sudden end. "You need to rest." 

"No!" 

Of course, your feeble attempts at resistance are in vain. You never stood a chance against Namjoon. Not even back when you were still kids, squabbling with one another for kicks and giggles. But this, this is different. Right this instant, Namjoon's steady grasp is the only thing standing between you and literal, physical collapse, and you are infinitely grateful for his soothing presence. 

Almost willingly, you allow him to guide you to a row of chairs and place you in the seat next to Taehyung's. Without lifting his gaze from his worn out black Converses, Taehyung pulls you close and puts your head on his shoulder, resting his own against your forehead. 

"He'll be all right," he then whispers, his voice unwavering, bearing no trace of doubt. "I know he will." 

"Here." Namjoon has a sad try at a smile as he offers you a paper cup filled to the brim with water. "I can get you more if you'd like." 

"No, thanks. I think I'm good for now," you say after emptying it in one gulp, fighting the urge to throw it all up again. 

"Do you want something to eat?" Seokjin asks, leaning over from his seat. "I could get you a sandwich." 

"No, thanks." 

You struggle to hold in tears, burning in your eyes like acid. 

"Give her a break," Taehyung growls. "She isn't hungry, okay? Her soulmate is lying on the operation table right now, fighting for his life. Jesus." 

You want to thank him but can't seem to find your voice. 

"Sorry," Namjoon and Seokjin apologize. You merely manage a nod of your head in response. 

"What's going on? Who's dying?" a breathless Jungkook comes to a slithering hold before you, panting heavily, beads of sweat coating his face.

"No one," Taehyung answers in your stead. 

"What?" Jungkook frowns. "I thought –"

"Y/n's soulmate is currently being operated on," Namjoon calmly explains. 

"Oh. Oh. I'm – I'm so sorry, y/n." 

You can only imagine that Taehyung must have darted a deadly glance at him because Jungkook suddenly falls quiet and takes a seat next to him. 

"– the Ministry of Family Planning where a gruesome terrorist attack took place just this morning," you can hear some news anchor's voice coming from the waiting room's television. Involuntarily, you lift your head and crane your neck to get a better look at the screen. You flinch as pictures of the crime scene appear, stirring up memories of death and destruction you wish you didn't have to live with. 

"Could you turn that off, please? Or switch to another channel?" 

Namjoon tries to keep his voice low as he bends over the counter and talks insistently to the nurse sitting behind the close-by reception desk, urging her to change the program, a plea she seems unwilling to succumb to. 

"Please. My sister was there today, at the scene. And I'm sure being forced to relive her trauma won't make her feel any better."

"I'm sorry, young man," she responds in a tone that brooks no dissent. "But I'm afraid this is the only channel we get. And, quite frankly, operating the waiting room television does not fall within my jurisdiction. Besides, I have far more important matters to attend to. So, if you would please return to your seat, Sir. There's nothing I can do for you."

All the while, Namjoon keeps peeking over his shoulder, checking on you, his expression apologetic. As if all of this was somehow his fault. But none of it is. Because it's all on you.  

The hours drag on like molasses. You can still smell Yoon's blood on your clothes, the smoke in your hair. 

"Did you get your head checked on?" 

Taehyung's question barely makes it through the dense haze of dull pain clouding your mind. It feels as if his voice reaches you in a dream, but you're not sleeping. 

"What?"

"Your head, y/n," he repeats, looking at you with concern. "Did you have it examined?" 

"What? Why?" 

"Because you have a nasty bruise right there," he points at your temple, his fingers hovering over your skin, reluctant to touch it. "It looks serious. Maybe you should have one of the doctors check it out." 

"No. No need. It's nothing. I barely have a headache. Plus, there's no time. There are so many people here who need help far more urgently than me. You should have seen them. The bodies. The –" Your thoughts get lost in the sound of your own blood roaring in your ears. You can feel a suffocating lump form in your throat, making it harder for you to breathe by the second.

"Yoon," you jump to your feet, the thought of him sending a fresh surge of adrenaline through your bloodstream. "Yoon. I need to see him. I need to know if he is still alive."

"Shush, it's okay, y/n." Taehyung gets up to pull you in for a close hug, firmly keeping you in place and from running off towards the operating room once again. "It's all right. Yoon's gonna be fine. He's gonna be just fine." 

Somehow, your brother's words have lost their power, no more achieving their reassuring purpose. 

Nonetheless, you give in and allow Taehyung to push you back down into your uncomfortable chair, your body, drained of all energy, none of it left in you to fight anymore, remaining in a state of absolute petrification whereas your thoughts keep racing, chasing themselves in an attempt to escape the undeniable truth. 

That you might have lost him. For good this time. 

SEVEN MONTHS LATER ...

Quietly, you run your hands across the straightened linens of the empty hospital bed. 

You still can’t believe it, can’t seem to be able to wrap your mind around the happenings of the past few months. Just contemplating the course of events brings tears to your eyes once more. You're surprised there are even any left in your organism after all the hours you spent sobbing by Yoon's bedside. 

Days and nights you spent in this cold, dull hospital room, your only company the never-fading smell of disinfectant and Yoon's unconscious body, bathed in the pale glow of LED lamps. Back then, you kept thinking what you wouldn't give to look into his deep, dark eyes once more, what you wouldn't give for them to open again by some miracle. But they remained closed. 

"Do you think I was right? To ask the doctors not to tell me?" you wonder aloud, recognizing your brother's presence in the room without even looking. 

"I don't know." Namjoon steps up to you from behind, putting his arm around your shoulder with a long sigh. "You tell me, y/n." 

For a few seconds, you fall silent, your hands now tightly clutching the fabric of Yoon's plaid shirt. The one he was wearing on the day of the attack. You washed it a dozen times, but the bloodstains still wouldn't quite come off. 

"Yes," you then nod with newly found confidence. "Yes. I made the right choice. I'm sure. And I'm glad I stuck with it. It wasn't the doctors' place to tell me Yoon's name. Thanks for always being there and making sure they didn't, helping me through the whole process. I don't know what I would've done without you, Joonie."

"Hey, hey, don't cry just yet." He gently brushes a stray tear off your cheek with the calloused tip of his thumb. Just like old times. Always the big brother. "Save your tears for later." 

"I'll try." 

"Good. Because we need to leave. Now. Or you'll be late for the ceremony."

Namjoon pauses, waiting for your reaction. 

"Y/n? Are you ready?"

Forcing a smile, you take a deep breath and straighten your back before you turn around to face your brother, struggling to keep your eyes from welling up again. 

"Yeah. I'm ready." 

"No, you're not," you can hear Taehyung's voice coming from the hallway. 

"No, I'm not." 

"But you can do it, y/n." With a warm smile, Namjoon takes hold of your hand. "I know you can. And you will. You knew this day would come. And I can understand that you're scared. But you'll feel so much better once you went through with it." 

"God, will you stop, Namjoon!?“, Taehyung rolls his eyes, linking arms with you, both of your brothers now guiding you outside and down the corridor, away from the memories. "You make it sound so horrible. No wonder she's scared.“

Taehyung indignantly shakes his head.

"Y/n, I can promise you, this is gonna be a life-changing experience," he now addresses you directly, his expression solemn but his tone sarcastic. "You'll see. You'll come out of that chapel a different woman. And after all these months, you will finally get the closure you deserve. Today, you start your new life." 

"Shut up," you hiss through gritted teeth, smiling at a doctor who gives you a puzzled once-over in passing before you go on to kick Taehyung in the shin. "Both of you. You're only making things worse." 

"Sorry," both of them grumble in unison. As you shift in his hold, you can feel Namjoon flinch, presumably scared of being the next one to receive a kick as punishment. 

"Sorry," you lower your voice to a whisper when the tree of you come to a full stop before the hospital chapel's double door. "Sorry, I'm so irritable. I'm just –" 

"Nervous," Namjoon finishes your sentence. "It's okay. We get it. That's why we're here." 

"To make sure you don't run away," Taehyung teases.

"You really want me to kick you again?" 

"No, thanks." 

"Jesus," Seokjin's voice cuts through your whispery bickering. "Can't you guys stop squabbling for even one second? Not even on a day such as today?" 

With a condescending shake of his head, he busies himself with fixing Namjoon's bow-tie. 

"You look dashing," he smiles at his husband, quickly leaning in for a peck on the lips Namjoon happily gives. 

"Yeah, yeah. But can we move on now?" Taehyung whines. "I've had, like, three sodas earlier. If we don't go right now, I'm gonna have to leave for the men's room." 

"You're such a baby," Seokjin scoffs but takes a step aside, clearing the path for you and your brothers to finally enter the oratory. 

"You ready?" he locks eyes with you, waiting for your signal. 

"Yes," you nod your head, tightening your hold on your brothers' arms. 

"Okay. Three, two," Seokjin starts dramatically counting down as he reaches out to pull open the tall doors leading to the chapel. "One. And go." 

For a second, you freeze as the ceremonious music reaches your ears and you notice the first heads turning, familiar eyes watching you intently as you start to make your way down the aisle.

At first, you don't dare to lift your gaze off the floor under your feet, afraid the sight of him would lead you to break down in tears. 

The sight of Yoon. 

Waiting for you by the altar. 

At this moment, you can't help but remember all the times when you sat by his side, considering your options, wondering whether you would be able to go through with an open-casket funeral. Back then, you never thought it would really come to this. 

Lastly, you come to a halt before him. 

With one last squeeze, Taehyung reluctantly lets go of your arm while Namjoon remains by your side. And you're glad he does, because your knees feel as if they were turning to water when the pastor now begins to speak, his rich voice echoing through the silent chapel. 

"Thank you to the friends and family that are here today to celebrate this union." 

Hesitantly, you let your glance wander upwards to meet Yoon's. His eyes are smiling. 

"This occasion not only marks the beginning of their marriage commitment together, but it is a commemoration of the love nurtured and shared between these two. Together, they embark today on a new life together, built on the foundations of trust, compassion, mutual respect and a bond of souls that is never to be broken." 

'Hey there,' you soundlessly form with your lips, barely resisting the urge to lean down and kiss Yoon right then and there. He looks unbelievably handsome in his black tuxedo. 

'You look stunning,' Yoon soundlessly whispers in response, obviously in awe of your floor-length white dress. 

"Who gives this bride today?" the minister asks. 

"I do," Namjoon answers with pride before he, too, steps aside. 

"If there is anyone in attendance who has cause to believe that this couple should not be joined in marriage, you may speak now or forever hold your peace." 

All the gathered guests seem to hold their breath simultaneously while knowing eyes start searching the crowd for one particular face. You can't help but let out a short laugh when your eyes find Jimin who is looking around in bewilderment. 

"Did you guys really think  I would –?" he gasps, half laughing, pretending to be offended. 

"No," you grin. "Of course not." 

You give Jimin, who's fingers are intertwined with those of his beautiful girlfriend of four months, an apologetic wink before you swiftly bow to the pastor. 

"I'm sorry. You may proceed."

He acknowledges your words with a forbearing nod of his grayed head and continues to speak. 

"Marriage is an ancient human tradition. The personal and social merits that accompany the bonds of marriage have led to its continued endurance and have paved the way for us to be standing here before the Universe celebrating the union between these two people today that, by far, exceeds the nature of the mere Link."

From the corner of your eye, you can tell Yoon is watching you fondly. 

"Marriage is, truly, a magical gift. As Mark Twain noted, 'Marriage makes of two fractional lives a whole, and it gives to two purposeless lives a work, it gives to two questioning natures a reason for living, and something to live for; it will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, a new mystery to life.'"

The minister pauses. 

Through a blur of tears, you look over at Yoon, sitting next to you in a wheelchair, his face gleaming with joy. 

"At this time, before proceeding with the bonding ceremony, I would invite the couple to share their vows. Y/n, would you please deliver yours first?"

"Of course." You clear your throat and turn to face Yoon now.

“Today, I take you as my husband," you begin after a few seconds of absolute silence. As you go on, you barely manage to keep your voice steady. 

"Quite frankly, I had lost faith that this moment would ever come. That we would stand here, together. But during these past few months, I prayed every single day that I would meet you again. Here, exactly like this, at the altar, witnessed by all the people we love. Because I love you, Yoon. I love you now as I've always loved you, and as I always will love you." 

Yoon remains quiet. But you can tell by merely looking at him that your words mean more to him than he could ever say. 

"And now Yoon, would you deliver your vows?"

"Gladly." The corners of his mouth quirk up almost imperceptibly. "I'm not a big fan of talking in front of people, so I'm gonna keep this short. Sorry." 

He quickly looks around the room before his eyes lock with yours again. 

"Y/n, today I take you as my wife, and there's honestly no one else I could imagine spending my life with. I love you now as I've loved you from the first time I saw you in that bar – and as I will love you till the day I die. Not to be dramatic. But it's true." 

A murmur of hushed giggles goes through the crowd. 

"Honest words," the minister remarks, apparently pleased.

"Y/n and Yoon, please join hands," he then demands. And you gladly comply, offering your assistance as Yoon tries to stand up, his legs still weakened from the months spent in a hospital bed. 

"Y/n," the minister resumes. "Do you take Yoon as your cherished husband, in front of these witnesses, and promise to stay by his side through sickness and health, joy and sorrow, so long as you both shall live?"

"I do," you reply without even a hint of hesitation. 

"Yoon, will you take Y/n as your cherished wife, in front of these witnesses, and promise to stay by her side through sickness and health, joy and sorrow, so long as you both shall live?"

"I do." 

"The rings?" the minister arches a brow. 

"Oh. Oh. Of course," Taehyung mumbles, a fierce blush tinting his cheeks while he frantically searches the pockets of his vintage suit jacket. "Wait a second." The tension is palpable. 

"Here you go," he grins sheepishly.  

Smiling, you roll your eyes as you take the rings from him, handing one of them to Yoon whose glance never once left you all this time. 

"The wedding rings perfectly symbolize the never-ending love you two have for each other," the minister explains. "By exchanging these rings, you solidify a lifelong commitment to one another. The rings serve as a welcome and constant reminder of the bond you've formed with your partner. Please repeat after me." 

He halts, his gaze fixed on you. 

"I, Y/n, give you, Yoon this ring as a symbol of my enduring love. Just as the circle of the ring completes itself, so you complete me."

You repeat the words as you put the ring on Yoon's finger, your hands shaking so violently you almost fail even at the second attempt. 

"Now it's your turn," the pastor turns to Yoon. "Repeat after me: I, Yoon, give you, Y/N this ring as a symbol of my enduring love. Just as the circle of the ring completes itself, so you complete me." 

You can feel your throat close up when you listen to Yoon speaking those words with such sincerity and faith, you are sure you have never heard anything more beautiful in your life. Effortlessly, he slides the silver ring onto your finger. 

"Y/n and Yoon, by the power vested in me by the Church and the Republic of Korea, I am pleased to pronounce you husband and wife, sealed together today both in law and in love." 

The minister gives you a cordial smile. 

"Yoon, you may now kiss the bride!" 

And he does. You need to remind yourself that you're inside a church when Yoon's lips meet yours and have trouble detaching yourself from him when the minister demonstratively clears his throat. 

"Ladies and gentlemen," he solemnly announces, shaking his head with a grin. "I now have the privilege of presenting, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. –"

He stops, with a brisk nod indicating to Yoon that he is to continue. 

"Mr. and Mrs.," Yoon takes over, your hand still resting in his, his onyx eyes locked with yours and his voice bearing no trace of uncertainty as he finally speaks his name, stretching out every syllable. 

"Min Yoongi."

Almost instantly, you can feel a pleasantly warm surge of energy run through your entire being, originating from the point where both your palms are joined and shooting through your left wrist and arm until it reaches your heart. Yoon's grip on your hand tightens when you gasp for air, taken aback by the intensity of the experience. 

You break eye contact with him only to take a peek at the inside of your wrist and discover Yoon's full name written on your skin in simple yet elegant letters. 

When you look back up again, it's as if you see Yoon for the very first time, through a fresh set of eyes, his image brighter, clearer than ever before and his beauty all the more evident. 

Your feelings for him, however, remain the same. 

Nothing has changed even though everything is different. 

And suddenly, you’re not afraid anymore. 

Because you are whole now. 

T H E    E N D 

A/N: Guys. I can’t believe I did it. I can’t believe I created this. 😭 This story took me places I never thought it would, it helped me grow and heal and brought me closer to you. 🤧 I never thought this series would become so meaningful to me. But it did. And I’m grateful I got to write and share it with you guys. 😌💖

[God, I’m so emotional right now.] 

Thank you for reading! Thank you so much for staying with this series until the end, for your support, encouragement and lovely feedback. 💖 It means the world to me. 💖💖 I hope you enjoyed ‘Linked’ and that this, its final chapter, didn’t disappoint. 😌 

Love, Ana 💖

Here you can find my Masterlist in case you feel like checking out more of my BTS fiction.

Also, if you have Spotify, you can listen to the ‘official’ 🎶 playlist 🎶 to the ‘Linked’ series here. It contains all the songs having been sent back and forth between Yoongi and the reader in the past and some more tunes fitting the series’ vibe.  

Take care and have a great day! ☺️💖

[drlaurynlax]

5 Easy Ways to Heal Anxiety Naturally

Natural Remedies To Heal Anxiety

There are many all-natural remedies to heal anxiety. Mental health illnesses are one of the leading diseases in the U.S.—affecting 1 in 5 adults every year. Read on to find out more

Mental health illnesses don’t necessarily mean text book cases like schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder either. Common (often unspoken) mental health illnesses also include chronic anxiety, eating disorders, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), depression and ���serious psychological distress (SPD)”—a term to describe feelings of sadness, worthlessness, and restlessness that are hazardous enough to impair physical well being.

Typical treatment solutions routinely include a prescription for therapy/counseling, meditation or yoga and SSRI medications.

However, despite our nation’s efforts to reverse these disorders, the numbers are not getting any better. 

Why?!

One word: The gut-brain connection.

THE GUT-BRAIN CONNECTION

Your gut health influences your brain health, and vice versa, your brain health influences your gut health.

Unfortunately, statistics reveal that approximately 3 in 4 Americans have some sort of GI distress or dysfunction. With such high statistics, NO WONDER mental health is on the rise. 

How does the gut-brain connection work?

Considering that the gut is the “gateway” to your health (ALL nutrients and toxins MUST filter through your gut), if you gut is unhealthy, then your brain will feel the effects as well—unable to receive the nutrients it needs to fuel healthy brain cells, give you energy and help you think CLEARLY.

Beyond just nourishing your brain cells too, your gut and your brain are highly connected. So before you jump to any conclusion on how to heal anxiety, consider this.

In fact, your vagus nerve—the nerve that controls digestion—is connected directly from the frontal lobe of your brain to the top of your stomach. 

NO WONDER you get “butterflies in your stomach” when your brain gets nervous! And NO WONDER when you feel constipated or bloated, your discomfort is all you can THINK about in your head!

In addition, more than 90% of your serotonin (your “feel good” brain chemicals) is produced in your gut, and your serotonin not only responsible for helping you feel calm, peaceful, happy and enthusiastic, but your serotonin ALSO assists in digestion and gut motility (helping you fully digest and go #2). 

Hence if your gut health is poor and unable to produce serotonin, then say hello to feelings of anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and bloating or constipation.

The Bottom Line:

Your gut is like your brain’s heart beat. If it’s healthy and strong, so is your brain. 

So how do you get a “healthy” gut? Current treatments may NOT be the solution and finding the right solution to heal anxiety can be a challenge.

THE LITTLE KNOWN TRUTH ABOUT SSRI MEDICATIONS

SSRI medications can be beneficial for many, especially as a short-term solution for helping a person navigate a difficult time in their life, however, like many other drugs—(from Advil for headaches, to birth control for PMS, to PPI’s like Nexium for heartburn), SSRI’s are not a long-term healing solution or cure for reversing mental illness.

 They are more part of treatment and management.

In fact, a little known truth about SSRI’s is that they may actually perpetuate mental health issues more by killing off or disrupting healthy gut bacteria. 

While a large percentage of pharmaceutical research has highlighted the devastating effects of antibiotics on the gut microbiome, and what impact that has on human health, a landmark March 2018 study (Maier et al, 2018)  was the first to systematically profile interactions between non-antibiotics and human gut bacteria—SSRI’s included. 

Researchers found that SSRI drugs may be just as detrimental to the human microbiome—if not more—as they inhibited MORE (healthy) gut bacteria than many antibiotics, PPI’s (proton pump inhibitors that treat reflux) and anti-diabetic drugs used in the study. On the flip side, researchers ALSO speculated that SSRI’s strong effects on gut bacteria could be a reason WHY many people experience a “therapeutic” effect on SSRI’s—at least initially as bacteria is . 

If pathogenic (bad) bacteria is contributing to a person’s mental health condition, then SSRI’s may actually also disrupt unhealthy bacteria. However, similar to antibiotics, SSRI’s also disrupt the “healthy” gut bacteria, contributing to the dog-chasing-its-tail cycle of an unhealthy microbiome over the long term and continued gut-brain disruption. 

The Bottom Line

SSRI medications don’t heal. They manage. If you want to truly “heal” your brain from the inside out, address and heal your gut first, while not discounting your total health and lifestyle as a whole (Read: You are not a diagnosis, an ICD-10 code for insurance, a disease or symptoms. You are a person). 

Here are some natural cures to heal anxiety and other mental health solutions for natural (gut) healing. 

NATURAL ANXIETY & MENTAL HEALTH GUT HEALING SOLUTIONS

A number of remedies have been studied to heal anxiety. If you dealing with it today, medication doesn’t have to be your only treatment. Try the 5 natural ways to heal anxiety.

1. Assess Your Current Gut Health

Fungal overgrowth, parasites (Nyundo et al, 2017), bacterial overgrowth and gut infections are all leading causes of “gut issues” and many people go for years—if not their lifetime—not realizing their gut was unhealthy. A thorough gut assessment can help shed light on what, if any, underlying pathogens may be wreaking havoc on your gut.

A good baseline assessment would include: comprehensive blood panel, comprehensive 3-part stool and parasitology test, and possibly a SIBO breath test (assesses for bacterial overgrowth). Working with a skilled nutritionist or functional medicine practitioner can help make this step easier. Once results are back, a specific (short-term) supplement and nutrition protocol may be prescribed for you, based on your results, in order to heal (no longer just manage) gut symptoms (and brain symptoms).

2. Support Healthy Digestion 

Incorporate a daily baseline gut health routine (just like brushing your teeth) that includes:

Take a Daily Soil-Based Probiotic & Eat 1-2 Fermented Foods/Daily (sauerkraut, grass-fed full-fat plain yogurt or kefir, low-sugar kombucha).

Prebiotic Fiber (1/2-1 tsp/daily).

Drink 1-2 tbsp. Apple Cider Vinegar in 2-4 oz. water.

Breathe deeply before or after meals for 1-2 minutes, chew your food well, and rest and digest (i.e. don’t eat in a rush or on the go).

3. Detox Your Lifestyle

Beyond juice cleanses, several lifestyle stressors and toxins wreak havoc on your health—especially your gut health—as your liver becomes overburdened with filtering these toxins in and out, and toxins promote bacterial overgrowth. We are exposed to over 85,000 “approved” chemicals and toxins in our cleaning and hygiene products, food sources and environments—many of which are banned in other countries. No, you can’t live in a bubble, but by mindfully reducing your toxic exposure, you CAN detox your gut health (positively). Consider detoxing one of the following:

-Replace plastics with glassware and stainless steel

-Choose hygiene products that rank 1 or “A” on EWG’s “Skin Deep” database (paraben, sulfate and toxin free)

-Use white vinegar and baking soda as natural cleaning agents

-Gradually replace makeup with more natural solutions as you run out

-Buy the “dirty dozen” in organic versions and opt for grass-fed, organic meats and fish as much as possible

4. Eat REAL Food & Clean (Filtered) Water

It may sound oversimplistic, but food is like medicine for your gut and brain, and if you haven’t given real food a “shot” to see how it affects your brain health…I dare you. Cut out the non-real food products for 7 days and see how you feel, including:

NOT RIGHT NOW FOODS

Gluten and grains (cereals, bread, rice, pasta)

Dairy

Non-soaked nuts

Conventional meat and eggs

Packaged, processed foods

Artificial sweeteners and sugar

Sodas, juices and alcohol

Instant coffee

It doesn’t mean forever, but sometimes a brief time away from common gut-brain irritating trigger foods (inflammatory) can help your brain “come to life.” Build your daily meals and snacks upon:

EAT THESE FOODS

Sustainable proteins (wild caught, grass-fed, pasture raised).

Dark leafy greens (cooked and/or raw).

Starchy tubers (yams, potatoes, sweet potatoes, winter squashes, plantains).

Fibrous veggies

Some fresh fruit

Healthy fats (avocado, olives, olive oil, coconut oil, coconut butter, ghee, grass-fed butter, etc.).

Clean filtered water (70-80% of people drink carcinogenic water with over 100 cancer cross contaminants).

5. Continue Your Healing Work

Though gut healing and physical well-being greatly impacts your total body health—brain included, none of this is to discount the heart and head work that continued “healing” in counseling, therapy, coaching and connecting to your personal passions and purpose can give you in your healing process. In fact, “gut love” goes much deeper than taking probiotics alone.  (i.e. learning to love yourself, tapping in to your unique personal hobbies and passions, and connecting to community and spiritual connection).

The Bottom Line:

Gut assessment and healing 

+

Real food +

Gut Love (Heart & head “work” in therapy/counseling, and connecting to your passions, purpose and other people) 

=

Healing!

Resources

Maier, Lisa & Pruteanu, Mihaela & Kuhn, Michael & Zeller, Georg & Telzerow, Anja & Erin Anderson, Exene & Brochado, Ana & Conrad Fernandez, Keith & Dose, Hitomi & Mori, Hirotada & Patil, Kiran & Bork, Peer & Typas, Athanasios. (2018). Extensive impact of non-antibiotic drugs on human gut bacteria. Nature. 555. 10.1038/nature25979.  

Nyundo, A. A., Munisi, D. Z., & Gesase, A. P. (2017). Prevalence and Correlates of Intestinal Parasites among Patients Admitted to Mirembe National Mental Health Hospital, Dodoma, Tanzania. Journal of Parasitology Research, 2017, 5651717.

The post 5 Easy Ways to Heal Anxiety Naturally appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/mindset-body-love/5-easy-ways-to-heal-anxiety-naturally/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/

[theshepherdandthehunter]

Are You Staying? (Part 2)

A/N: It’s finally here! First of all, thank you so so so much for the overwhelmingly positive response you’ve all given to Part 1!!! I’m so glad you’re enjoying this story, and so many of you taking the time out of your day to like and/or comment has made me so thankful and happy! Thank you!!! So I hope this part will have been worth the wait, and without further ado, here we go, get ready to feel the emotions!

Part 1 can be found here.

Edit: Thanks to the anon who pointed me to a scene in Private Practice where Amelia’s Unicorn baby kicks (thank you for your diligence anon!), I’ve made a little adjustment to the story (as I’d previously written he never kicked or moved)!

***

“Oh,” her smile falters as realization hits her “you’re awake”. She hesitates, standing still in the entryway to the living room, facing the back of the couch.

“I’m awake,” Owen nods slowly “Amelia, I …” but he doesn’t know what else to say, what words could possible convey what he was feeling? I’m sorry wouldn’t even begin to cover it, not by a long shot.

“Yeah”. The silence that followed felt heavier than either of them had experienced between them before. “How much of that did you hear?”

To his credit, he at least had the decency to look guilty. “All of it, I think.”

“So also the part where I told him you’re an amazing foster dad?” She tried hard to smirk, but failed, desperately wanting to divert the conversation away from what was causing the tension between them. Not sure if she was ready to talk about it just yet, or at all. She wondered if she should be mad at him for eavesdropping and not turning off the baby monitor. But realistically, she probably wouldn’t have done so either had she been in his place. Privacy is a fragile thing, especially when you’d shared as much as she and Owen had together. She found she didn’t even mind as much that he knew now, without her having to tell him face to face. In a way, this might have made it easier.

“Amelia, why didn’t you tell me?” His soft spoken words aren’t an accusation, and Amelia could hear the genuine consideration, and pain, behind them.

“I couldn’t, Owen,” she took a deep, steadying breath, walking to the couch to sit down next to him. “I couldn’t. I didn’t even really know what I was feeling myself.” She shuffled around nervously, not sure how to say what she knew she needed to. He needed to know the whole story, she needed to tell him. Wanting to grab his hand, but scared that she’d chicken out completely at first contact, she kept her arms wrapped around herself. “When I thought I was pregnant, that time, I started out being so happy about it. Scared, sure, but happy. I worried about how to tell you, if I should tell you beforehand, so we could take the test together. Or if I should make sure I was actually pregnant before telling you, so I wouldn’t get your hopes up for nothing. And I worried about how you would react, even though I knew you wanted a baby, I didn’t know if you would be ready for it when it would actually become reality. But I never worried about me. I didn’t think about how I felt about it, because I was happy. I felt happy.” She could feel tears starting to form in her eyes. “But then when we took that test, and we were waiting for the result, all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe. All I could think about was my baby, my Unicorn baby. And about how cold he’d been when I held him, how pale, and fragile. But alive still. He kicked sometimes, you know, just like any other baby. I could feel him moving. He was there, he was real, an actual, living and breathing baby. It felt normal.” The tears started to gradually slide down her cheeks now. “But he wasn’t normal. I gave birth to him just to let him die, Owen. He lived for 43 minutes and then they took him, and opened him up, took him apart. I asked them to do that.” Her voice broke when she uttered those last few words, the guilt becoming too much.    

“And all I could think about was that I didn’t want to go through that again. I didn’t want to put you through that. And I prayed, in those two minutes we had to wait, I prayed that I wasn’t pregnant, that I wouldn’t have to grow another live for nine months, just to have to give it up again. And when that single line showed up, I was so relieved. I felt like I could finally breathe again. I wasn’t pregnant. But you,” a sob escaped her. “You were heart broken. I could see it, Owen. You’d thought you were finally getting what you’d wanted for so long, and then you didn’t. And I understood, I really did. And you were so comforting, talking about how we would keep trying. How could I possibly tell you that just the idea of trying again scared the living hell out of me? That I couldn’t give you that, that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to give you that? After everything, how could I tell you that I never wanted to be pregnant again? Because I wanted to give you that Owen, I wanted to give you everything that you wanted, a baby, a family, to make you happy. To see you happy, because I loved you, I still do. But doing that would have destroyed me. Every fiber of my being wanted to run away from that so badly, to never, ever, have to carry another Unicorn baby. To never even have to think about it again. So I ran, I distanced myself from you. Because you were synonymous with that fear, with a baby, with a pregnancy. With that pain. And I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t. I … I didn’t know how to.” Speaking so fast, she had to take a deep breath, trying to steady her rapidly thumping heartbeat.  

“And I’m sorry, Owen. I’m sorry I did that to you. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved to get everything you wanted, to be happy.”

Owen just stared at her, his mouth slightly agape, her words almost foreign after so long of avoiding this very topic. And not just foreign, but gut-wrenching. How had he been so oblivious to her hurt? He continued to stare at her, letting her words sink in while he watched her worry her bottom lip between her teeth (a habit of stress he’d seen her do too many times in all the time he’d known her), before finally speaking up. “I pushed you. I should never have pushed you so hard, I’m sorry. I …” he huffed out in frustration “I should have been there for you. I was only thinking about what I wanted, about my idea of a family. I want … wanted a family so much, god. And I still do, now. But I let it consume me, completely. I suffocated you.” She flinched a little when she heard him say those words, a repeat of what she’d yelled at him in the hospital corridor once.

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to organize his thoughts enough to put them into words. “For so long, I thought everybody wanted kids, because that’s what you did, that was normal. I couldn’t understand why anybody would not want kids, didn’t realize that that was even an option. And then everything with Cristina happened, and I just…” He’d fucked up was what he did. “But with you it all felt so natural. When you told me you wanted to have kids with me, five of them no less.” He chuckled softly at that memory, “I couldn’t believe my luck. That you, of all people, were so willing to give me a family. As if it was some sort of reparation. And then you began to withdraw, and told me you didn’t want to have a baby. All of it, everything that happened with Cristina, the abortion … it all came crashing back into me. And I unfairly held that against you. Instead of listening to you, to what you were trying to tell me, instead of talking to you, I blamed you for all of it. I went straight into defense, and I’m so sorry. I never meant to put that on you, you didn’t deserve that. I treated you as if we got married for the sole purpose of having a baby, because I thought that would be what would make us a family. But I was so wrong, we already were a family, and I ruined that. I never wanted to make you feel like you couldn’t talk to me, that you couldn’t tell me about your baby because I was so damn stuck on my own fantasy. God, I’m so, so sorry.” He fell quiet, not sure of how to continue, whether what he was about to say next would be wholly out of line.

“And wishing that he was here instead of those other kids isn’t horrible, Amelia.” He reached out a hand to cup her cheek, his words referring to what he’d overheard her whisper to Leo. “I’m not claiming to understand what it felt like, I never could. But I need you to know that it wasn’t your fault. Deciding to carry him to term so he could be a donor must have been excruciating. And you don’t need my approval, I know, but you made a good decision. You didn’t hurt him, Amelia. You carry that burden, but it’s also a triumph. You were, are, his mother. You gave him the chance to be a super hero. A tiny, life-saving super hero, like you.” By the end of it, his voice had little by little lowered to a whisper, full of respect for how resilient she’d been, was still being.    

They sat in silence, their words settling between them. After a while, Amelia looked up to see Owen sitting face down, staring at his hands in his lap. “I guess we both need to learn a thing or two about communication, huh.” Bumping her shoulder against his gently, she leaned over to grasp his hand, weaving her fingers into his. They sat like that for what felt like another thirty minutes, her head resting on his shoulders, his feet propped up on the coffee table once more, both of them staring into space without really seeing anything. Both of them drained from unleashing months and months’ worth of build-up emotions.

“Thank you,” he whispered eventually “for telling me, I mean. Thank you.” He turned his head to look into her eyes.

“You too.” And she meant it. It felt good to have all of this finally out in the open, to be able to talk about it. “We can’t take back our regrets, O, but maybe we can work on talking to each other more … you know, for future reference.” At these words, Owen tilted his head a little (in truly iconic Owen style), a look of relief in his eyes. Just as he was about to answer, however, Leo’s cries came washing in over the baby monitor once more, startling them.

“Let me go grab him.” He let go of Amelia’s hand and stood up, hesitating for a second before leaning back down to lay a soft kiss on her forehead. Not saying anything else, he left the room to go get Leo. When he returned a few minutes later, with a howling baby cradled against his chest, Amelia had grabbed the discarded blanket from the floor and was nestled into the corner of the couch where Owen had previously been sitting.

“He needed another diaper change.” He explained as he sat back down on Amelia’s other side, while she draped the blanket over both him and Leo. “But it hasn’t stopped his crying. Why is he still crying? I mean, I know babies go through a lot of diapers, but is this normal? He’s not just going through them, he’s exhausting the stockpile like a bat out of hell. And he cries a lot,” he was slowly starting to panic, “I mean, A LOT. Do you think there’s something wrong? Why didn’t the clean diaper stop his crying? I should take him to the hospital, right?”

Amelia interrupted him by covering the hand with which he was rubbing Leo’s back with her own. “There’s this pediatrician in Chicago that said babies cry like birds fly. It’s part of being the creature we are. Babies cry, Owen, and you’re not always going to know why, or how to stop it. Sometimes he’s just going to cry, because. No reason. It’s not your fault, that’s just what babies do. It doesn’t mean you’re not doing a good job, I promise. You just need to get used to each other.” She smiled at him reassuringly, and he meets her gaze with his. “You’re doing great.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Owen sighed, still looking into her eyes. “Okay.” He grabbed her hand again and held onto it, gently resting them intertwined on Leo’s back. “Okay.” As if sensing that a small crisis had just been averted, Leo’s cries started to slow down to a whimper, and Owen’s panic started to fade. “Do you think that maybe you could stay another night tomorrow? If you’re not working, or have other plans?” He knew their issues weren’t resolved. That there was still a lot to work on and talk about before they could truly move on. But they were healing, they’d made a start, and in that moment he felt so much love and respect for this woman. They might not be together, right now, but he could not imagine ever spending his life with anyone else than her anymore. She had no obligation to him or Leo whatsoever, he had made the decision to become a foster parent, and he sure as hell didn’t want to pressure her into anything she wasn’t ready for, or didn’t want. But if she would ever choose to share that part of her with him, that would make him the luckiest man on earth.   

She smiled, “we’ll see how you’re doing tomorrow, major.” Squeezing his hand, she pulled up the blanket around them so that it covered them up to their chests, with Leo’s head peeking out from under, and rested her head back onto Owen’s shoulder. Still holding his hand.

“But if after tomorrow you still need me, just in case, I promise I’ll stay.”

***

A/N2: That’s it folks! I hope I did the seriousness and emotional load of the topic justice, and that it lived up to your expectations. I also hope Owen wasn’t OOC, because I have to admit I didn’t really watch Grey’s Anatomy until Amelia came into it in Season 10 (I came from Private Practice). So I’m not entirely up to date on Owen’s character development, especially surrounding him and Cristina’s relationship on the show. But I did definitely enjoy writing this so much! And again, feedback is always appreciated!

[kaitlynabdou]

Let me start this off by apologizing! I had intended on writing this blog ON Saturday after the Pride Festival but got into a car accident (mild fender bender!) on my way home. After that my whole evening was shot, and Sami and I opted to drop in on my parents’ house to use their hot tub (which was awesome!) to soothe our aching legs. After that, I got caught up in sewing commissions, and writing Chapter 11 of The Daffodil Witch! (It’s here, go read it!! But after you read this haha.)

ANYWAY, Boston Pride! Let me tell you all about it and how AMAZING it was!

BEFORE THE PARADE

Leading up to pride, I knew that I didn’t want to just show up, watch the parade, and be done with it! I wanted to leave an impact somehow, even if it was only on a few people. A few years ago my father took me to NYC for New York Pride while on a business trip and I had dyed a rainbow streak into my hair in anticipation of it!

This year, I wanted to do something more and really make an effort. I wanted to be involved somehow, but it was too late to organize anything big!

I ordered myself an awesome ace pride pin (which I have been wearing every day since), did my nails in the ace flag colors, and made a rainbow flower crown to start!

Was that enough? Nope! I also ordered a bunch of mini rainbow flags and a roll of 500 heart pride stickers to hand out to people! THOSE were a huge hit! You would be amazed at how excited people got over the stickers. Even on the train into the city before Pride started, I ended up hanging out stickers!

Look at Sami, isn’t she cute? That brings me to our awesome outfits. Sami is a huge Star Wars nerd and had only JUST come out as a demisexual lesbian after a long time of questioning. She decided to rock her pride and ended up buying a really awesome pin while we were there!

I went into the city with Sami and Brendan, who is part of what I refer to affectionately as my ‘game night crew,’ a tight-knit group of friends who I see weekly for games and what we deem real-talks (I’ll talk more about that in another blog post! But we talk about some pretty serious topics and are all very close.) Brendan is not queer, but he was the one who wanted most to go to Boston Pride. He’s the best sort of ally you could want!

How fabulous are we?! And yes, Brendan IS doing the same pose in both photos. He’s a great ally and a great friend, but also a huge dork. See my skirt?! I struggled at first with the decision on my skirt. I knew I would make something festive, but I originally figured I would make a rainbow skirt to be super festive! Then it dawned on me that I could actually represent MYSELF as an ace at Boston Pride instead of just going in with the classic rainbow. I took to Facebook, and overwhelmingly, my friends suggested I go with the ace colors.

You can’t tell here, but each fabric is SUPER glittery, and Sami’s fishnets are covered in rhinestones. We like to be seen from space. If you ask either of us what our favorite color is, the answer will be, without hesitation: glitter!

OKAY so, on to the parade itself!

THE PARADE

Once we got into the city, it was a sea of rainbows, pink and glitter! We really couldn’t stop smiling and looking around. Rainbows were plastered in business windows, and flags were EVERYWHERE. It was an amazing feeling for me, as someone who has been out as queer almost my entire life–a feeling of being at home, of being safe, of being loved and included: a feeling of recognition. I can’t even imagine what Sami was feeling. Up until that moment, she had really only come out to maybe one or two people, and even when she came out to me it had been with the question of “am I allowed to identify as a lesbian if I dated a guy for so long?”

We ran into lots of awesome people we know, which was great! Took plenty of selfies. The first person we saw was our friend Danielle. Danielle is a wonderful specimen who somehow manages to show up everywhere at everything, and I run into her no matter where I go–EVEN IF IT IS IN A DIFFERENT STATE. We also saw my friend Lyndsey, who was representing fabulously in a Katsuki Yuri from YURI ON ICE! cosplay. Both of them walked in the parade (which we had planned to do until we got distracted by the lure of Starbucks coffee! Whoops!) Shortly after the parade started, we were joined by my friend Emmy, her younger sister and her friend Jennifer, who twinned with her in Wonder Woman regalia! (Don’t they look great?!)

The parade was amazing, of course! There was lots of free swag! Sami even got me this AWESOME Aladdin magnet, which I adore with every fiber of my being. (In case you don’t know, Aladdin is my FAVORITE Disney movie and always has been!)

The parade itself was LONG, as to be expected. I tried to take as many photos as I possibly could (I am not a photographer, and am used to not taking photos ever at events because I get immersed in them.) My phone died after a few hours and I wasn’t able to take as many as I would have liked, but here is just a bunch of them in a slideshow for you:

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Yes, I had a BLAST. I loved the parade. I screamed so much I was sure I would lose my voice. I saw SO many flags and so much diversity… but I noticed that ONE thing was missing: I didn’t see a single ace flag in the entire parade. Did this ruin my experience? Not at all, I still had an amazing time–but it did stick with me that I didn’t see Black, Grey, White, Purple anywhere in the parade, and it made it that much more poignant that I had decided to wear my own flag to proudly represent asexuals.

REPRESENTATION

The whole day, my companions and I were inactively on the lookout for more ace flags. We saw maybe three total the whole day, and I’m sure those people bought them ahead of time and brought them with them.  This is why I am so happy I wore my ace colors rather than only rainbow.

I had at least fifteen instances where someone came up to me and thanked me for wearing the ace colors, or complimented me on my skirt and pointed out that they, too, were ace! I WISH my phone had not died, for I would have taken a selfie with every one of them to share with you. Alas, all I can do is share those moments that stuck out to me the most.

One girl I had noticed was lingering with her friends behind us outside of Starbucks as we watched the parade. They weren’t standing WITH the parade onlookers, but up against the building. I had noticed a few times that they were looking at me, and thought maybe they wanted a sticker. Before I could offer one, I was distracted by friends joining us.

Maybe a half hour into the parade, one of the girls stepped over and tapped my shoulder.

“I love your skirt,” she said. Her voice was weak and quiet, and I could tell she was shy.

I offered her a big smile and thanked her. Then she showed me the small, ace-flag earrings she wore and the ace-flag nail polish she had done and smiled shyly at me. I think she was probably in her teens. She was small, shy, and intimidated looking. I told her they were awesome, gave her and all her friends stickers. Then I saw a look in her eye and knew that she was going to cry. I hugged her tightly, and she held on for a while.

Even as I’m writing this, I’m tearing up myself. I don’t think she expected to see ace representation at the parade. Asexual erasure is a real problem–with the queer AND straight community. I touched on this before in my Pride Month post. We are made to feel like we don’t exist like we aren’t valid. I hope that this moment, for her, was an eye-opener. I hope she feels valid now, because I am sure by the way she cried and was afraid at first to look me in the eye that she was not at all confident in herself.

This happened over and over throughout the day. I got hugs, I was thanked, I had people scream “I LOVE YOUR SKIRT!” over the crowds of people when they couldn’t get close enough. People showed me their small, and sometimes hidden, ace memorabilia. One girl who had to have been 13 if she was a day ran up to me with wide eyes, took my hands and said. “You are beautiful!”

I was overwhelmed by her.

Credit

Next year, I am already planning to attend pride again, but I want to REALLY make a difference this time. I want to register in the parade and form a group of asexual and demisexual people to walk with. I want us to fly our flags proudly, to wear our flags, to carry signs that remind everyone that WE EXIST and WE ARE VALID.

Sami was also inspired by pride. She wants to organize a cosplay group to walk in the parade for next year–and has even made a group on Facebook (a global group) for LGBTQ+ Cosplayers! She wanted to create a safe place for queer cosplayers to gather, network, chat and share! Check it out!

Thank you to everyone who came to me to show their appreciation for my representation. Thank you for making my Boston Pride experience so memorable!

IMPORTANT LINKS

Sami’s Links Tumblr Facebook LGBTQ+ Cosplayers

Lyndsey’s Links Website Facebook Twitter

    Boston Pride Festival and Representation Let me start this off by apologizing! I had intended on writing this blog ON Saturday after the Pride Festival but got into a car accident (mild fender bender!) on my way home.

[kingofthenorth49]

Lead, follow, but get the F$%& outta the way.

Forgive me father for I have sinned. It’s been 30 days since my last rant.

But what a 30 days it’s been. Trumps gone into hiding, Mr. Potato head is in the White House, and Justin Trudeau is asking for Canadians to just “Trust him “with their very lives as he lines Canada up at the vaccine food bank for developing nations.

Or as I like to call it, the new normal.

Did you miss me sheeple? I know a bunch of you missed my slightly right of center muisings because you told me you did. Well, some of you did. Ok, one of you may have implied you missed hearing my voice booming from the silicone based mountaintops.

So what a shit show eh? The wheels are slowly staring to come off the bus, people are starting to crack and I think if someone doesn’t hurry up and grab the wheel we are all about to go flying over the precipice like a collective Thelma and Louise. Think I’m kidding? Is anyone paying close enough attention to what’s going on. I bet you thought it was cute the first time someone you knew was sent to Facebook jail didn’t you. It was funny to watch someone have their access to “society” cut off because they think differently than you do. Cool isn’t it.

If you were curious to know why I shut down my social media presence in the wake of the cancelling of the President of the United States, you haven’t been playing along. That’s the single most scary thing that I have ever witnessed. Single most scary thing ever.

Imagine if they can cancel the “most powerful” person in the world what they can do to you and I.

I’m going to let that one marinate with you for a bit, it’s fairly deep and really deserves a fair amount of thought because what can happen next is very very very scary.

Anyway, I’m in a fan frickin tastic mood this morning and I’m not going to ruin a nice coffee glow go to waste on the negative, I’ll instead focus on the positive.

So for those playing along at home this week (*groan*) our politicians (much different than our technocrat overlords) are busy trying to find new ways to screw with your life and make you question reality completely. Take it from someone who works with the fine men and women of the politbureau on a daily basis that there’s only one image you need to burn into your brain to completely understand your government’s response to the 2019 through 2028 plandemic.

Visualize a large group of egotistical bears collectively trying to fuck a football.

Now do you get it?

Folks, we have completely lost our collective societal mind at this point. Out east where I live we have political demigods who actually believe they can eradicate a virus by throwing up a stop sign and deputizing a fish cop to interrogate Canadians on why they are getting their groceries on one side of an imaginary taxation line or the other. We literally are ripping families apart, denying people basic dignities, destroying our economic base, pitting peoplekind against peoplekind, and generally just trashing the place.

We are, we are literally trashing the place because we don’t have leaders in the public realm anymore, we have celebrities who think they are leaders because they have nice hair.

You are seeing it. Look no further than the summer residence of the former first lady of Canada, when each day, at the assigned hour of noon, the Crime Minister of Canada arises from his slumber in the basement (Bed head is critical for the 19-35 female demographic), puts on a grim face and parades before the chose few and makes it rain cold hard Canadian taxpayer cash onto the charity de jour so his admirers can watch gleefully from afar and show air hands at the generosity We Canadians show.

All the while our G7 nation is amongst the worst off in the WORLD for vaccinating our subjects.

We should be so proud, but we shouldn’t be surprised. We created this mess by giving everyone a trophy, by making everyone the same. We started penalizing those who excelled in their chosen fields and then we rigged the game.

We lost our way because we chose to follow the wrong type of people.

In my real life I often get to interview people who are vying for their next role, their next step in their careers, and one of the questions I always ask of an aspiring candidate is “Who are your role models and why?”. I think that question speaks volumes about a person’s character and who they aspire to be. But it’s not the first part of the question that’s important to me, it’s the second. I want to know what this persons leadership style is going to be like, because we emulate those we admire most.

Problem is we have chosen to follow leaders like Justin Trudeau and Nancy Pelosi.

Justin Trudeau is not a leader, not even close to being a leader. He’s a figurehead with an ego. He’s not unlike a certain health minister here in our region. They believe their own press. They believe they know what’s best for you & I despite the fact what they are doing isn’t working the way they think it is. They are dangerous leaders, and their actions have led us to the edge of the cliff I spoke of earlier.

We needed a plan, we needed transparency, and we needed bold actions.

We got platitudes and charity for female education in the 3rd world when we should have immediately started construction of ICU surge capacity and pharmaceutical manufacturing capacity. We needed a national testing strategy and the ability to convert Canadian fiber into N95 masks and gowns. We needed communities to organize to protect and service their most vunerable. Something as setting up empty hotels for first responders to use while rotating shifts and safe day cares for their children so they could man those lines 100% without having to worry about their families.

Why didn’t our leaders do this?

That’s because they were busy pushing their political agenda’s along versus doing the job they were put in place for in the first place.

I’m disgusted by our politicians in power. Photos ops, daily TV shows where they lead with fear and chastise the unwashed masses for their bad behaviour all the while living not like thee because I’m me. It’s pathetic yet we applaude and say thank you sir, may we please have some more.

I want more vaccines manufactured in Canada for those who want them (you can have mine, I’m good taking my chances with the ‘rona). I want a secure supply of medical PPE made in Canada, not China. I want programs that make sense and policy that follows science, not just medicine. I want a leader to run the crisis response not some medical demigod with an ego on a power trip that will kill more people than it saves.

I want real leadership in times of crisis, not political theater.

I’m beyond frustrated and I know it’s apparent in my prose. I want better for my community, my province, my country, and my world. I want sanity and rationale approaches to get the world moving again. I want politics to go away.

I want a lot apparently.

I want the world back, but to do that we need to shift thinking to a more moderate view versus keeping on the polarizing path we’ve been on the past 20 years. We are allowing politics to control human safety to the point now we are killing people with the controls we put in place to keep people safe. I read a great quote from Mike Rowe last night I think sums up my position on life that I think everyone needs to read.

"if you elevate the business of staying alive to the very, very top of all things, then the only thing you'll ever do is stay alive. You won't go anywhere. You won't try anything or build anything."

This is what we need from our leaders, ones that understand risk and how to translate needs into actions using a transparent plan, not making one up week to week. This is what we should all want.

Ok, I’m done for now.

Get out there and live safely, but live. Oh, and stop voting for celebrities, start voting for leaders.

Love ya all.

Jim Out.