#Buck would just be like “I’m in love with my best friend? fucking dope

[buddiesmutslut]

LISTEN. If we get a bisexual!Buck arc, I will ACTUALLY LITERALLY CRY, I’m already emotional just thinking about it, it will literally bring me so much joy

BUT

I don’t want it at the expense of an Eddie coming out arc…

Bc listen, I read a post talking abt how the writers probably won’t give both of them a really flushed out Queer Realization Arc bc it would be redundant, which like, okay sure, yes, I can see why you wouldn’t want to have two main, male characters going through the exact same thing, so sure, whatever, BUT -

I feel like, out of Buddie, Eddie is going to be the one that really struggles with coming to terms with his sexuality.

Eddie, who had to be The Man Of The House at 10 years old. Eddie, who grew up in the Deep South. Eddie, whose family is Catholic. Eddie, who already had a strained relationship with his judgmental parents. Eddie, who had a WIFE. Eddie, who says that what he had with Shannon was magic & compares every relationship he had to her. Eddie, who was in the military, which is infamous for DADT. Eddie, whose aunt constantly pushes him at random women because he needs to not be alone. Eddie, who canonically suffers from comp-het, saying that dating women feels like putting on a performance, not that he understands why. Eddie, who dated Ana & was planning on staying with her, even though he was unhappy, for his son.

I think Buck would be way chiller with realizing he’s queer - if he doesn’t already know, which is my fav head-cannon - & I feel like he wouldn’t struggle as much bc it’s Eddie, & Eddie is his best friend, and gender wouldn’t play as big a part for him as I think it would for Eddie.

I would love for them both to have an arc where they worked through their expectations when it comes to relationships & realize that they’re queer, but idk man, I feel like Eddie is going to be the one to really struggle & he deserves to really have that flushed out.

Idk, I’ve been thinking about this ever since I saw that post & nobody I know watches 9-1-1 😭

[calypsoff]

Four. Part 3

Robyn reached up and cupped the back of my head as I attacked her neck. A small moan left her lips as I continued to pump in and out of Robyn as a slow pace, a pace I never thought I would be at with anyone, but I am, I am savouring every stroke, every moan, every touch and every kiss. Back and forth we both moved, taking things slow. Moving my head back, catching Robyn’ lips with mine. Moaning into each other’s mouth, her moans vibrating against my mouth was turning me on even more. My mind is clouded with love and lust while I moved in and out of her “ah, fuck!” Robyn spat, my dick flinched inside of her as she looked up at me, her eyes. I froze just staring down at her, like this is all a dream and I am literally going to wake up “I love you” Robyn dragged her hands down my chest, licking my lips drinking in every part of Robyn’ body. I started to move in and out of Robyn again, we moved as one, every touch was so connected. We can feel every touch, every move. Grabbing Robyn’ wrists and pushing them back down and above her head, my mind is just so turned on that I know, it’s coming and it’s coming fast. I can see every part of Robyn without her touching me, I can see her whole “yes, yes” I quickened my pace, Robyn whimpered under me. Trying to hold back from me coming down, Robyn’ eyes close, we both become ever so breathless. She yelped out and as soon as she did, I let her arms go lowering my head to her knowing my come down is coming and so was hers “shit!” balling my fist up feeling myself spill into her, her moans is making this the best come down I have ever had.

Pecking Robyn’ lips, she propped herself up “lay down” raising an eyebrow “huh?” I said confused, pulling myself out of her “you big” she blurted out “he said thanks” I laughed “be quiet, lay down” Robyn is so hot, she is so damn sexy naked. Laying on my back as she wanted, watching Robyn intently just get up from the bed. My eyes widened as she stood up on the bed, Robyn placed her two fingers in her mouth as she turned to me and hovered over and lowered herself down. My breathing hitched, Robyn briefly played with her clit before spreading her lips of her sex and aligning her opening with the head of my dick, my mouth fell open just watching her. She is on her hands and knees gripping the bedpost in front of her, she finally slid down only allowing the head of my length in “holy fuck” dragging my eyes up to Robyn, I am shook. She literally bit her bottom lip staring down at me, I thrust my hips up in an attempt to get my full length inside of her. She slowly rose up and down, squeezing her muscles around me as she danced up on down my length. Dropping her hands in front of her, her nails digging into my chest “holy fuck Robyn” her knees pressing into the mattress as she bounced up and down on my dick. Her walls gripped me, her muscles pulsating.

My breathing was becoming irregular watching Robyn’ body go up and down in front of me, I am about to combust. The view is indescribable, body of a goddess. I met her thrust for thrust, sliding in and out of her tight, slick walls with ease “yes!” she breathed repeatedly. Reaching down between her legs, she drew her fingers over her clit “man” I pushed her fingers out of the way, my own fingers taking their place between her thighs, running across her clit in a circular motion. I don’t know who is going to cum first, me or Robyn. My toes curling as she continued to squeeze her walls around my member, Robyn fell forward against me. Moving my hand away from her clit as I held her against me, moving my hips in and out of her. I was going to moan out but Robyn’ mouth fell over mines as we kissed with such eagerness, Robyn practically swallowed my moan. Robyn moved her mouth from mine and pressed kisses against my face “I….” I breathed out as I came, she made me cum. She milked me, and now I am breathless. She nipped my cheek with her teeth before moving back with the biggest smirk on her face “you bad” I am so out of breath “I meant what I said, she should be worried” Robyn pressed a kiss to my cheek “I want you to fuck me” she said before nuzzling my cheek with her nose.

Feeling the sun shining down on me, lifting my head up opening my eyes but was quick to close them resting my head back, that sun is strong. I can feel it against my skin, the windows are bare, and I’m butt naked. Looking to the side of me, Robyn is curled up against me, her curled up body facing away from me, but my arm is being held hostage, her body is literally on my arm and I don’t think I can feel it. I mean I know when we fell asleep I was hugging her but clearly I moved onto my back but that is besides the point, the point is I am trapped here because Robyn is sleeping. I feel so weird just here naked and the sun is there, and the windows is bare, we are bare. Using my free hand to rub my head, that was eventful. I was truly not ready for that; I wasn’t ready for what was going to happen between us and even now I am just feeling that pull towards her. She is so delicate; I find her to be the most perfect woman. Turning onto my side, I can get a better look to see over her shoulder. Staring at Robyn’ back, biting on my bottom lip as I used the back of knuckles to run down her back, she has a beauty spot on her back, I see why. She has a beautiful back, lightly brushing my knuckles against her back hoping she moved or just show me she is awake. Wrapping my arm over Robyn, pressing a kiss onto her shoulder as I peeked over, seeing her eyes are actually open, our eyes met and we both just laughed. A giggle escaped her lips, she is shy after all that. Resting my head back on the pillow smiling, she was so bad last night.

Smiling to myself sighing “you not even said morning to me, that is kind of rude. Just hiding with your back to me. Not even said do you want your arm back” my voice is so deep right now, clearing my throat “it’s mine now” if she doesn’t just turn that ass around “me or the arm?” I questioned “the arm, least the arm isn’t annoying” turning onto my side again, my mouth immediately drew to her neck. I gently sucked down on her skin “I am not even going to see the mess of my neck” she said, her hand reaching behind her, touching my head as I made sure I licked and nipped at her neck. I grinned against her neck as I stuck my tongue out and licked up her neck, savouring her taste on my tongue. Moving arm around her, taking one of her buds between my fingers, I twisted and tugged on the nipple causing Robyn to whimper out another moan “I had the best night of my life” my eyebrows raised “really?” I am shocked she said that “I promise you, nothing will ever beat making love to your best friend, I love you” Grabbing her leg, I threw it over my hip “let’s make it the best morning you had now” hooking her leg behind me. My erection was growing harder by the second against her ass feeling her shiver against me.

Robyn’ head fell back against me and she exhaled deeply my strokes were slow and tender, yet deep and filling, I slipped in and out of her with such ease. Her walls throbbing and pulsating around me. I propped my up on my elbow, Robyn has finally let my arm go, placing my hand on the centre of her stomach. Pressing my hand flat across her stomach and I continued to pump in and out of her at an easy speed. The early morning lazy sex was just what I needed and from Robyn, our muffle moans and soft groans combined bouncing around the room. Bucking my hips forward and I took her ear into my mouth and bit down. She felt so good wrapped tightly around me. I continued to push and pump “cum for me” I said against her ear, I wish I could see her face right now. Her annoying ass is just facing away from me but it’s ok, I can feel her.

There is no food in this place at all, Robyn’ half assed fancy place has no food. Oh wait, it had glasses so I could have water, so I got Uber to drop some things off. I said for her to come out, but she wants to have a shower, but her food will be cold, oh well. I am catching up on Basketball highlights, need to keep up with the Lakers now. Grabbing my drink from the side watching Lebron’ interview, least I know my team won and so did I, I didn’t really think that would have happened. I couldn’t have predicted it, but it needed to happen. There was too much tension there to not have done it, now that we have we can’t stop and it’s pretty dope. Placing my drink down at the side of me, just on time my phone started to ring. Placing my iHop food down on the couch, wiping my hand on my sweatpants grabbing my phone, Barry is calling “ayo, did you see the game?” I said down the phone “I did, good game. You never called me back, I was checking on you. How is you player?” he called me to be nosey “you called? I didn’t see, I was tired from the ride here, don’t be worried” I chuckled sitting back on the couch “mhmm so?” Barry said “so what? I am ok” what else he wants to know “right, how is Robyn? You spoke on it? Y’all good? Y’all shared saliva? Robes? What is it?” busting out laughing “nothing, we just spoke and we good” licking my top lip smiling “you’re smiling behind this phone, you did it? On the first night? Like for real!?” I ain’t saying shit, catching Robyn come out of the bedroom, she shyly smiled at me walking off to the kitchen “I need to go anyways, I will call you when I am free” he is being dumb “free from the pussy! I got you” disconnecting the call, I am not about to be talking on Robyn like that.

Every time, every damn time Robyn is in the room or close to me I feel her aura and it just makes me feel a type of way. Her damp hair, oversized hoodie and sweatpants, she loves her hoodies. She looks good with no make up on, I like she doesn’t wear it. Hand on heart it makes me happy she is comfortable, watching Robyn sit down ever so slowly, she did it with a slight pause before her booty hit the couch “different to see you with clothes on” Robyn smiled putting her head down “likewise” I think I prefer her without clothes “you good?” I asked, I mean she looked like she was struggling to sit “don’t bother” she pointed at me “least we can talk, I mean it was eventful” Robyn is so shy, she is being shy now “be quiet, don’t be annoying” she mumbled “I’m not, just that I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t ready for it, I always you know wear protection. Always have, but it just happened” she is cute being like this “I was a virgin” Robyn said “now!?” I spat, Robyn laughed “don’t make me laugh, no. At the time, I was a virgin and I freaked out, I felt like shit too because I told you I wasn’t. You know when we spoke, and everyone was laughing like oh you a virgin? You sixteen now? So I tracked back if you remember” nodding my head “I didn’t think, oh right. I thought you was then; I was about to say. So” rubbing my hands together “we got a lot to speak on don’t we” smiling at her, she doesn’t know if to eat or just smirk.

[thrushpot]

in utero

“So, remember those prompts... well, I got more for you. Need 13 and 31, have fun with those two. ;P” requested by @fortheloveofhargrove

#13: “I thought you were dead.”

#31: “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.”

warnings: ANGST 

—

Billy clicked his tongue and sang along to some mindless catchy tune beneath his breath as he eyed the dark and lonely road ahead of him. The radio was playing something he’d never even heard of before, but he was in a mood so good, so rare that it didn’t even matter. Drives like these were his favorite, when the world would just shut the fuck up for a second and he could run away to fantasy land in peace without any unwelcome intrusions. His right foot eased the gas pedal further down, gradually accelerating in hopes to arrive at his destination early so he could surprise her once she’s off the plane. The blonde boy behind the wheel felt almost as if he’d gotten slapped in the face with nostalgia as he recalled the last conversation he’d had with her before leaving.

Goodbyes were a thing that were never not painful or unsettling. That all too familiar dread of not knowing whether it’ll be the last time he’d see her, hug her, hell; even fucking smell her. As if it happened only yesterday, the boy could still hear the girl’s soft weeping muffled in his chest, can practically feel the way her body moved up and down with each broken sob. It was difficult to see someone usually so fearless, so composed and put together, like some CIA agent from an action flick break down and curl into him for warmth and support. He let a couple (okay, maybe more than a couple) salty tears of his own fall as he held her in his lap.

Y/N had been an irreplaceable constant back in the glory days, her having never broken his trust nor the laundry list of promises she’d sworn once the heartache of his departure had blown over. It was foolish to think that even for a second he could get over the bitterness of starting all over again at some mundane public school. It was also just as foolish to think he could just forget about missing her as the weeks turned to months and the months added up to a year. But that was just another ploy the universe threw his way, seemingly enjoying Billy’s pain and suffering. Tonight though, tonight was gonna be different. He won’t let a single thing overshadow him any longer. He refused to listen to his inner tormentor deep down that laughed whenever he tried rationalizing how he would go about giving his confession, telling her his secret. As Billy goes over the script in his head, he clears his throat and adjusts the rear view mirror to himself as he practices his performance again. Real casual-like, he flashes a smile over at his reflection, pretending it’s her that’s watching.

“Y/N, lookin’ ah, looking good. Beautiful, actually. Know you already got a line of guys tellin’ you this every damn day, but I mean it when I say you somehow get prettier every time I see you. I really missed us hanging out, y’know? Takes me back to all those long nights, and uh... since I left I’ve been thinkin’ a lot...” he licks his lips and thinks back to the lines he’d gone over in his head like clockwork. His face twists into something more down and depressing, like whatever he’s trying to say will only burden their already troubled lives. “Too much, actually. I realize I’ve done almost nothing else worth my fucking time here except think of you whenever I feel shitty or, or like when everything is too much yet not enough. It’s been — been one of the only things I feel has real meaning to it for once, actually makes sense. ‘Cause you get me, and no one ever surprises me unless you do, and ah...” the blushing blonde shakes his head, a stray blonde curl falling to his forehead in the process of scolding himself with a swear before starting over.

“You know what? Fuck this. Let’s just go. We could just fuck off somewhere, go get a couple drinks, have a couple laughs, and... fuck. Shut up, you idiot. Don’t quote Die Hard on her for fuck sake,” he slaps his palm on his face, scoffing at his own stupidity before his eyes grew twice their size realizing how close the airport had become in the distance. He feels the same old doubt return right over his shoulder, and it smirks as if it’s being proven right; that telling her what he feels really is a horrible mistake. That it’s nothing but a rotten idea he’ll regret when she laughs in his face and turns around to fly right back to Santa Monica.

Billy’s heart is practically in his mouth by the time he pays for the ridiculously priced parking ticket and makes his way to the gate. His fucking leg somehow decides to grow a mind of its own, bouncing up and down with urgency while his teeth are occupied with chewing his fingernails down to the nub. He remembers when the roles were reversed once upon a time, when he was on the plane and she was the one agitated while sitting in the airport. Y/N still had that precious pink flush coating her cheeks when he was ready to board his flight, holding onto one of his biceps when she’d whispered something in his ear that had stuck with him:

”Don’t ever forget to remember me, okay?”

When Billy finally opens his eyes back up to the world around him, a herd of exhausted and enthusiastic travelers alike have exited the gate and met their loved ones with tired hugs and kisses. He rubs his pant leg to settle down while eagerly scoping the crowd for her hair or her face. When his wide eyes finally lands on her, the twang in his gut seeps back up to the surface, making Billy helplessly weak in the knees as he throws himself off the chair and into a pose ready for a warm welcome. He flails his arms in the air for her attention and calls out her name with repetition like a nuisance, both careless and unaware of the ruckus he’s stirred in front of all the annoyed families surrounding him. When Y/N had seen it was Billy that was screaming up a storm, her face cracks up into that same shit-eating grin he’s always known and loved then jogs over. The desperate pair reunite in the middle.

“I thought you were dead or something, asswipe! Why didn’t you ever write or call?” Y/N squealed in his arms as he picks her up and spins her around with sloppy grace. Billy bites his lower lip as he puts her down, his hands going down to cup her cheeks with tenderness, as if she were something to be cherished forever, and she is.

“Eh, some things are just better said face-to-face I guess,” he shrugged, giving her cheek a peck before bending over to pick her bags up and swing them effortlessly over his shoulder. As they bicker back and forth like the good old days while making their way to the dark busy parking lot, Billy can say with utter undeniable truth that he genuinely feels all is right with the world again.

—

“I can’t believe I’m even here right now and finally seeing this dump that stole my best friend with my own two eyes. I mean I got like eighty bucks to my name, little to no idea where I’ll stay, but I actually made it!” she hollered, playfully giving the blonde’s ass a painless smack. He reacted with a bashful jump and a laugh, struggling with her bags under pressure. “Can’t wait to see your car again ‘cause man I missed her. Old Martha still runnin’ smooth and pretty, I presume?”

Billy felt breathless as he set her luggage down to the pavement, reaching for his car keys to unlock the trunk before hauling them inside and slamming it closed. He stops to look back at her with a twinkle of mockery in his eye.

“So that’s what you named my car, huh? Martha?” he fact-checks, going over to the passengers side to open it for her, the chivalry he only abided by around her in particular coming back like it never left at all. Like they were still the same confused teenagers first meeting, getting into mischief just to busy their bland, empty agendas. She gives him a half-hearted shrug before explaining.

“Heard it’s good luck to name everything you own, amirite? Plus, you got no right making fun of that name. That’s my aunt’s name, ‘case you forgot stealing all her pot from her sock drawer and smoking it with me at school,” Y/N retorts with a finger pointed at him accusingly. The blonde behind the wheel let’s out a sarcastic ha ha at the memory, starting up the Camaro and backing out as the girl in the passenger’s side messes with the radio. The fond memories have flooded back almost uncontrollably; he can’t wait to make more, even if they only had tonight.

“In our defense that’s a shitty place to hide all that dope, alright? And uh, pretty sure that’s with boats. You name a boat and that gives you good luck. Not a car, you fuckin’ genius.”

Her face scrunches up in thought as if that’s the most mind-boggling thing she’s ever heard, and it ruins Billy with how fucking cluelessly perfect the facial expression is. He watches with intent as she snaps out of it in a hurry. “What you just said makes literally no sense, but I’ll ignore the ridicule and cut to the chase, Bilbo. What is it you’ve been up to without me or the beach? Gone insane yet?” she teased the last part in his ear, putting a hand on his right shoulder and giving it a squeeze. It takes Billy a moment to try and get used to how normal this really is, being touched by her, and he’d nearly forgotten that she’ll give any guy with a heartbeat the exact same treatment. Billy wasn’t an exception, and surely he wasn’t the first guy to get butterflies either.

With a clear of his throat, he throws back on his social mask for stability before shaking his head, the disbelief out in the open within his tone. “Are you fucking kidding, Smalls? ‘Course I did. What good is anywhere or anything when it doesn’t involve you or the goddamn beach?” Billy finished, finding his way onto the main road and putting the airport in his rear view. The driver thinks back two years prior and reminisced on all the adventures they had in Santa Monica before the inevitable happened. He fixed his hair absentmindedly (maybe even a little self-consciously) before reluctantly rambling on under his breath about what’s been ruined since he got taken away from paradise.

“Not a lot goes on ‘round here. Seriously. Place reaks like cowshit, haven’t met anyone worth my time. Max doesn’t seem to think so though, I guess. She’s even made more friends than me. Like... sure, I found this group of jackasses that worship me for knowin’ how to hold my booze, but I haven’t found anything like what we had. Not even close.” Billy swallows, looking back up to the rear view mirror like how he practiced on the way over. It isn’t the same, and he feels too vulnerable saying anything like that out loud with her sitting right fucking there. So he does what any man in the right mind would do, and reacts to his fear, his doubt. He backs down and changes the subject without looking in her direction to see her face. The boy faked a chuckle, an unconvincing one, then keeps his eyes on the road so he doesn’t fucking crash them.

“Tried to liven things up a little, but it’s so goddamn boring, y’know? So uh, anyway, that’s... yeah.”

It starts off sounding so pitiful, then it ends so fucking weak and pathetic. The blonde foolishly hoped and hoped, knowing he could do it, could put everything into English and say it. But he can’t. It gets stuck on his tongue, stuck like a gross aftertaste of something he can’t get rid of. It stings.

He feels his other leg not pressed on the gas physically twitch when the girl beside him puts a palm on his lap to soothe him of imaginary worries. Her eyes were practically scraping to get inside his soul and have it be her own place to call home when he merely glanced at her. It took an enormous amount of will power not giving in to the temptation, but he pulls it off by distracting himself with views of the dark road ahead.

“Yeah, also uh, my old man won’t know you came here for me. I made sure of it. We’ve got all night to catch up,” he ended on a high note, now finding himself grin at all the possibilities awaiting as the girl now has taken to copying him by eyeballing the lifeless scenery out the window that is Hawkins.

After a hasty moment, she hums to acknowledge him and follows it up with a soft, somewhat unsure murmur. “That’s good. Great, actually. I um, I got lots of shit to fill you in on, and I mean a lot, but... anyways, it’s not important. Fuck. Hey, there any places to eat ‘round here? I’m starving,” she finished with glee, deciding to ditch the mood-killing approach at telling him what had happened to her while he was gone.

The blonde hums as he threw a smile at the road, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel in excitement, back in the groove. He had just overreacted, that’s all. Their evening didn’t have to depend on what she said back. He could tell her later on and be at peace whether or not she reciprocated his longing for more.

“Alright. Well uh, lucky for you, Smalls, I know just the right place for us. Get ready for the baddest burgers in this shit town, ‘kay?”

Y/N let out a snort after holding her breath a beat too long, shoving her partner’s shoulder before gluing her eyes to the road.

—

“... So then I’m running as fast as I possibly can to get outta there before this fat guy could catch me, he even threatened me with a goddamn gun. Surprisingly he was really fast, too, alright. Like — like The Flash fast. ‘Coulda almost beat ‘em too, but right after I’m rushing to hop this fence, I jump too high and lose my grip. The ground really knows how to whoop my ass,” Billy snorted as he incessantly raved about the shit pot he’d stirred. After trespassing private property not only on a school night, but also at four in the morning. “Oh, also landed right on the money maker,” he smirked, gesturing towards his face with a French fry covered in ketchup between his fingers. “I think I lost a tooth while I was at it, too.”

“Fucking A, Billy! Dude, to be fair, from the sound of it you really got what you deserved,” Y/N pointed out while marveling at his male idiocracy, a goofy scowl plastered on her face as she shook her head back and fourth. She dropped the napkin she’d crumbled up in her palms to her half-empty plate of a classic diner burger and the French fries that Billy had no shame in picking at. He nodded while looking like he was proud of the chaos he’d created, taking his partner’s Cherry-Vanilla Coke and slurping the remaining sip through the straw. He hadn’t had an appropriate moment to give telling her their situation another try, but he’s content with the comfortable familiarity of exchanging both horrific and grotesque stories in each other’s absence. It felt like slipping on an old pair of boots that still fit somehow, still felt good to wear and walk around in, and he wasn’t willing to unlace them or take them off quite yet.

“Yeah yeah, what goes around comes around. I know. Speaking of which, you uh, you got any news to tell me?” the boy asked suspiciously, recalling how their only topic of conversation all night had been solely regarding his whereabouts and only vague answers coming from her. “I know you weren’t up to any good either, Smalls. Pretty hard to deny, what with our reputations and all.” he grinned, pulling a nearly empty pack of Menthols and sticking one on his lip, signaling their waitress for the check with a hand gesture. Y/N’s face twists into something worrisome, brows knitted, lip bit, arms crossed like she wanted to disappear. She was hiding something.

The uneasiness doesn’t rest lightly on the boy’s shoulders at her expression, and thankfully their waitress has great timing and clears their table of their finished goods.

“Can we talk outside, maybe? Or, or just go— just go somewhere where we can —“

Billy scrambled to assure her that her wish was his command, breaking whatever unwelcome tension with a helpful hand on her shoulder. “Of course, Smalls. You don’t know where you’re staying tonight, right?”

A watery smile spreads on her small face, a slight shake of the head that says no, I’ve had no idea where the fuck to stay every night for months, dipshit.

“Look, I have a plan for you, okay? Got you money for a room at this motel not very far, I’ll take care of you.” he swore, unzipping his jacket and covering her back with it as the frosty air nipped their cheeks on the way outside. The moon glowed in the sky, acting like a night light for them as they approached Old Martha, cranking the heat in as soon as they were both safe inside.

The pair sit in silence, the boy unaware of what’s changed or made her stiffen up; the girl unaware of how she’ll confess something that only a select few know and have already judged.

“Now what— no, who the hell is it that made you this upset, huh?” he threatens to the unknown source of his best friend’s pain, already getting revved up to fly back home and settle this out with his fists. Their destinated motel only a mile away and seatbelts not even fastened.

“I’ve — I’ve been keeping something from you.”

Billy blinks stupidly and throws his hands off the steering wheel and in the air. Could this be it? Could it mean the same thing as him keeping something from her? Nothing is getting answered fast enough, and he’s so sick of waiting. “Okay? And what the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

Y/N chews her bottom lip and rests her elbow on the door, her palm now gathering the dramatic beads of sweat from her forehead. “It means I’ve got a reputation; you know, I know, the whole fucking population of Santa Monica knows, Billy! You don’t need to act dumb, okay, it isn’t cute anymore.”

The driver squints in utter bewilderment, finally pushing the brake with impatience, making them bounce forward at the sudden stop. The Camaro sits outside the motel as droplets of rain grow heavier and louder as it pecks on the windows. It could almost drown out the feeling of intensity in the small space.

The blonde pinched the bridge of his nose like an irritated diva, pairing that with a seemingly apathetic eye roll. “I was only kidding back there about that shit. You know I don’t believe that nonsense about you... sleepin’ around or whatever, okay. I only believe you. I trust your word over those assholes and their tendency of spreading fucked up lies about any girl in school, ‘kay?”

Y/N felt on the brink of a drastic explosion, going as far as to open the window and sticking her head outside to feel the raindrops pool around her face, tickling her with its’ gentleness.

“Hey, get your head back in here. You’re gonna catch a cold, and then you’ll have to fly back home sick tomorrow, alright, so could we just cut the charade and talk like adults—” Billy’s reprimand was interrupted by Y/N’s surprising outburst.

“I don’t have a home anymore!” she screeched, yanking her head back inside and flipping her wet hair out of her face before crossing her arms stubbornly. “It was taken away from me. Got kicked out ‘cause of my reputation,” she trailed off as he turned his head to the side in concern mixed with confusion, his jaw wide enough to catch flies. Before spitting another useless question at her, he swallowed with unstoppable nerve and cautiously reached over to her door and roll the window back up.

“Smalls, I’m — I’m fucking sorry. So sorry. But right now all’s I wanna do is get you nice and dry. Cozy too, and in our own space with no one to bother us or... or even kick us out. I’m gonna get your bags, we’ll go fetch a room, and then continue this by then, okay?” he whispered, finding his fingers had gotten wet while delicately petting her damp locks. Her lips wiggled like she was gonna blow into tears any second, and he really hated the sight, but whoever was responsible in making her homeless was gonna be sorry they ever caused someone as close to Billy as she was so much pain.

The rain came down and soaked the blonde’s hair, color fading to a chestnut brown under the weather as he fumbled with his keys to get into the trunk as fast as possible. Her bags weren’t the lightest, but it must’ve been nearly all her belongings if she didn’t have a home anymore. They rested like rocks on his back and in his grasp as he gave Y/N the signal to hurry out as to not get any more drenched than her face had already become. Billy spits on the pavement before counting down from three on his fingers, and as soon as he got to one she was out and flailing in the rain with him, both eager to get warmth and shelter. Some giggles were even shared as they cringed feeling their clothes sticking to their bodies before finally making it inside.

The guy behind the counter wasn’t amused by their boisterous entrance, but they couldn’t find it in them to feel bad. After getting themselves a room key, they forced themselves to put a hault on their dispute for now, just like pressing the pause button on a TV remote; Billy rubbing her lower back in the elevator once he’d set her luggage down and Y/N leaning further into him as tears threatened to wilt out of her. Finding room 1408 thankfully wasn’t like a game of Where’s Waldo, and they’d both gotten comfortable quickly in the tidy space. The boy had set her things down as she fled to the restroom. He’d taken to counting all the shapes he could make out on the tacky wallpaper and got stopped at number fifty-eight. Y/N emerged from the bathroom much drier yet back in a similar state as before; frightened and uncomfortable. Taking action, he threw himself off the King sized bed and took her into his embrace.

“You’re safe with me, you do realize that, right?” he muttered, trying his hardest to keep it together like the broken girl in his arms. She trembled in a way that said she didn’t know she was safe, like she still felt wrong. In one swift movement, she shoved him backward and left him stumbling in ignorance and hurt, barely giving him a warning before she finally snapped.

“It’s true what those boys said about me, what I did with them. You would’ve known that by now if you had a goddamn brain instead of this... this giant heart of a puppy,” she cradled her head in guilt and shame for everything coming from her mouth, stepping back and avoiding his eyes all together. “I slept with the basketball team, the football team, even the fucking tennis club! You name it, I’ve fucked it. You know what’s crazy about this, other than the amount?” she asked rhetorically, her voice winding down to a broken whisper.

Billy feels his eyes well up and he doesn’t put energy into stopping it. There are veins bulging, flaming up in places he hadn’t even known he had. He recalls all the side eyed looks from the boys while he walked down the halls with her, when he’d ditch to smoke her aunt’s dope with her, or in class laughing with her. They weren’t ogling him because they thought they’d be a cute couple. They were laughing at him in silence because he was whipped for Santa Monica’s school skank.

“I don’t regret all of it; well, all but one. You, you remember Chris Hooker, he was your runner up? Chris fucking idolized you, Billy. He wanted to be like you so bad that... he thought one way of being like you was to get with me. And I let him after you left, I was so lonely that I’d do just about anything to cover up the shitstorm of losing you; and if that meant fucking this guy that always dressed like you and acted like you all the time— then so be it.” Y/N shrugged, trying to wipe the endless waterfall of tears as she watched Billy break too.

“You... you didn’t—“ he tried to deny, shaking his head and mimicking her by cradling his head in his hands as he walked in circles back and fourth, not believing anything he’s hearing. She sniffled and rubbed her nose with her sleeve before coming closer to him, looking him in the eye the first time since her confession begun.

“It happened, and I’ve never been this sorry about anything in my life, Billy. In fact, I even said sorry to him, ‘cause I couldn’t take care of it or even myself after he knocked me up and turned my life into this, this total hellhole—“

“You got kicked out because they found out,” Billy mumbles when he came to the realization, staring as if he were hypnotized by the painting of an angel hung up on the wall behind her. “They found out that you got pregnant, then you got rid of it... so they ended up punishing you.”

Y/N clung to him tighter before confirming with an uneasy nod, a sob escaping and tearing through her as she got red.

“I never named it, so I guess it didn’t bring good luck, remember?” she reminded him of their previous conversation when she first landed, stroking his arms up and down with tenderness. “You um, you missed a part of the story actually, a really important one.”

The blonde recoiled from his partner and scrubbed his arms in hysteria, feeling hopeless and weak and like all his doubt had fed to his brain was right. He wasn’t an exception. He wasn’t the good guy, he was just another guy going nuts for the same girl everybody else in their entire class ever did.

“Stop it! Stop hurting yourself, Billy, this is my fault. I should’ve told you sooner that—“

“What? What’s left to say now?”

“That I—“

”WHAT?” his fists were clenched and thick at his sides, the jealousy and the disgust overtaking him and fueling a fire that hadn’t started over night.

“That I love you!” she had shouted, both of them spiraling out of the devastating tornado of abandonment and lies, now joining together in the middle; mirroring their warm welcome at the airport just hours before. Billy’s fingers shoved her by her hips so that they were skin-to-skin as he finally went in for the kiss all the guys back home already knew but he himself had never gotten to experience. They were both gone, desperate for their touches and their actions to say everything they’d wanted to say. The apologies, the love, the hurt. She tasted lovely on his tongue, and he waited for the need to breathe to become nearly unbearable before even thinking of pulling away. Their mouths made a smacking sound as their lips left eachothers, making Billy let out a helpless, weak in the knees sounding moan.

“And to finish the missing part, um... I can’t keep kissing random strangers pretending that they’re you,” she whispers in his ear, bashfully coming back down from her tippy-toes right after giving a playful nibble to his ear and a warm kiss on the cheek. Billy thinks back to his alone time talking in the mirror, all the things he said and wrote down, practiced for this very moment. Like clockwork, he spouts the rehearsed lines out that felt like daggers holding inside.

“Smalls... since I’ve been gone, ah... all’s I’ve done is nearly nothing worth my time except, only except thinking of you when I feel like everything is a lot. And also like everything was never really enough. It’s like one of the only things I feel like has meaning to it for once. ‘Cause you get me, I get you. No one ever surprises me unless you do. And I fucking love you even more, Y/N, and I’d like to make you forget. Forget about those dicks, forget about your parents. You’re with me from here on out, you understand? Smalls?” he opens his eyes to see her doing that thing again, where she scrapes into his soul and nests inside, makes it a home for herself. It makes him melt in all the right and wrong ways imaginable.

“I understand.”

[knicole0527]

How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

[kirajw]

I’ve allowed myself to stan a new show: Fox’s ‘911’

Since ‘Supernatural” is ending, I need to used my fangirl powers for good, and I’ve totally fallen for Fox’s ‘911.’  I’ve always watched the show here and there, because Angela Bassett, y’all.  But I’ve been burned by Ryan Murphy before (#JusticeforTheTroubletones) so I never let myself get invested in his shows.  

Here’s some of the reasons I love it:

BUCK (2.0)

Upon first glimpse, it would seem like Buck is the poster boy for toxic masculinity, but even before he became Buck 2.0, he was basically a selfless, slightly reckless golden retriever who imprints on everyone and just wants to help people. 

He loves kids, and happily spends his time with his best friend’s son.  

He speaks in italics. (It’ll make sense when you re-watch his scenes).

As reckless as he is, we’ve never seen him drunk or violent. In fact, he’s been assaulted a few times, even by Bobby, and he could have thrown him into the ceiling and he’d rather de-escalate the situation than fight back.

He doesn’t care if people think he’s gay, which I don’t officially give him points for.  He’s been mistaken for Christopher’s father and Eddie’s husband at least once, and didn’t correct the person as most men would.  Because he knows there’s nothing wrong with it. 

He cries easily and embraces it.

He has a dope facial birthmark.  LIKE ME. 

You can do pretty much do anything to him (EXCEPT mess with his family or his job) and he’ll forgive you.

He knew Doug was a scumbag even as a teenager.  He sent Maddie cards and things even after she broke off communication with him just to let her know that he was there.

He gave Maddie the tools to rebuild her life and kept reminding her of her strength.  He also never pulled the douche “Don’t bang my sister” nonsense when she started dating Chimney. He supported her to make her own decisions.

He’s constantly trying to better himself. Since the show started, he’s learned to have more intimate relationships, how to cook and clean, and to tone down the reckless behavior.

He looks a caricature of Justin Timberlake.

HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?  He’s hot AF.

2x04 and 2x08 are basically perfect episodes.  The writing is gimmicky and cheesy, but it’s actually really good.  The continuity is FANTASTIC.

DIVERSITY: In every sense of the word: sexual, ability, racial, etc.  Similiar shows (”Chicago PD”, “Law and Order: SVU”) don’t even know black women exist or they bury them in the coroner’s office.  And it’s MOSTLY done well.  I’m side-eyeing Athena’s “It was a bad stop” nonsense this week.  Because we all know she’s set a cop on fire who pointed a gun at her babies.

Eddie and Buck: Best bromance ever!  They talk about emotions, share his son, and work through shit in a mostly healthy way.  I don’t need them to date, though it’d be cool if they did. I ship their bromance. It’s one of the healthiest male relationships I’ve ever seen on TV.  Sorry, not sorry, Sam and Dean.

Bobby: I actually hate Bobby.  He’s so boring, and his backstory isn’t the tale of redemption; it’s more of a sage of how white privilege lets a man who should probably be in jail continue to fail up.  Peter Krause also can’t seem to generate a spark of chemistry with Angela Bassett, which means he’s either sleepwalkin’ though the role or a far worse actor than I originally thought.  I do like him though because he found a brother (Eddie) for Buck. That’s it. 

Maddie Buckley

Her domestic violence storyline was one of the most refreshing I’ve seen on TV in the sense that it addressed how hard it was to leave an abusive husband.  And then, she fucking killed his ass.  They could have easily had Buck and Athena arrive in time to kill Doug, but Maddie made the decision to fight back and to save herself. They’ve done a decent job of showing her recovery as well, including the PTSD.  She’s not magically better, and she probably never will shake those triggers. 

She also seems like a great sister.  Maddie and Buck scenes are some of my favorites. I’m bummed we haven’t really seen them together after the tsunami.  

I remember the Jennifer Love Hewitt craze years ago.  And it kind of disappeared when she DARED to gain a pound and age like a human being.  But we totally slept on her talent.  And I want her to have her own Ryan Murphy show, preferably one where she beats up men by night and runs a flower shop by day.  

I can’t wait for her and Chim to get married. Or for her to have a baby.  That Buck delivers. During a mudslide.

[celestianstars]

1/? Hiii!! Okay so I have like a big problem. I’ll start it from the beginning. A few months ago I visited my cousin and we had a party. There was a guy at the party and I’ll call him JJ. So JJ’s pretty cute and sweet and kinda dumb. Big dumb white boys are a weakness🤦🏽‍♀️ anyway, he was there with his gf but he was still checking me out. So whatever I move in with my cousin and we have a party every weekend. JJ is there every weekend. But he’s with his gf -⚡️

(Continued) But then this one time his gf, I’ll call her CC, wasn’t there. And he was more social. He seemed like he was more social when she wasn’t there with him. I decided to finally make my move. Bc we’d both been eyeing each other for awhile. We were both drunk. I rubbed his thigh a little bit, mindlessly. He did the same to me, soon enough, he brought my hand up to touch his bulge. He was hard omg. I rubbed him a little bit and I went inside not too long after. He followed me.

We made out once we got inside. He was like ‘you drive me so crazy, girl’ like he made me so wet🥺 we groped each other n stuff. He told me, while we were listening to music outside, that he missed his girl. He was like ‘y’know that girl I always come over here with?’ And I was like ‘yeah, I know CC, hun’ but he told me how he missed her n stuff. Bc she didn’t wanna be there if he was gonna be there, that’s what she told us. She treats him like shit.

She’s such a bitch to him and he just takes it. Like a puppy :( I really like him. Okay and like about a few weeks before I met him, he got his leg ran over by a forklift at work. So he was due to get a settlement for over 300,000 this month right? Now, bc of that, he was gonna sell us his car for only 500 bucks since he wanted to get a dope ass truck. So, CC told my cousin she was only gonna be staying with him for the money. And I was like broo!!! Wtf!!! I could treat him better!!

So that night where we both made a move. There ended up being a lot of drama unfortunately. At one point I went into the bathroom to cry and when I got out he was standing there waiting for me. He asked me what was wrong and pulled me in for a hug. He let me cry into his chest. I told him that it was just a really fucked up situation and I didn’t know how to deal. And then later, I made myself throw up bc I knew I needed to. So I threw up over the rail of the porch. He held my hair.

So I ended up getting his number, right? We texted a little that night. I slept in my room and he slept in the living room as usual. When I woke up he was already gone. I texted him about it and he said he just had things to do. But he said he’d be back next weekend. I was excited. But he didn’t come. And then he promised me he’d be there the next weekend. He wasn’t. I was getting kinda tired of his shit so I got high and I told him flat out I’m high as shit so I’m gonna be really honest.

So I asked him if I was a rebound from CC. He took awhile to type but ended up saying no. I thought it was a lil weird but I let it fly, I asked him why he chose that night of all the times we drank together to make a move. He told me we would talk on Friday. I said okay. He didn’t come over that Friday. When I asked him when he’d come over to sell the car he said on Monday. He didn’t come over on Monday, but that Friday he finally came over. His truck pulling a trailer with the car.

I was happy that he pulled up with that trailer so that meant CC wasn’t with him. But once he got out and stuff, my cousin gave him the money and he asked if he could stay a little while. Of course she said yeah and he went inside to grab a beer. I was so excited bc that meant if he was drinking, he’d probably stay the night. He didn’t even acknowledge my existence tho. Like, he maybe glanced at me. I know it was because my dad was there and he was scared of him tbh but it still sucked.

And then I saw his lockscreen. It was of him and CC. Again, that kinda stung. We still flirted later on but he left pretty soon unfortunately. I talked to my mom about it and she tells me that maybe he really does like CC. I told her that if he did he wouldn’t continue to make passes at me. She told me that maybe he does it bc they have an open relationship. Even tho we both know she only says that so she can fuck whoever she wants. Bc she doesn’t actually care about him. Any advice?

———

Ok so I think I might have accidentally deleted part 9 but regardless I think I can still help ya!

So I honestly think it’s best to try and distance yourself from him and that whole situation and move on as best you can cause he’s throwing you for a loop in an emotional rollercoaster and as much as you’d love to probably be there for him and show him how good you can treat him, ultimately he’s in a dysfunctional relationship with this girl and you don’t wanna be in that mess.

For him to be making out with you and stuff while talking about missing her it just feels like he’s trying to get what’s he lacking in his relationship with her, with you. And when he stopped following through with things and ignoring your presence I think he probably feels guilty for dragging you into the situation.

It sucks that she treats him that way and what she said about only being with him for the money he’s about to get man that’s trash but yeah he needs to leave that relationship and take some time to heal within himself cause seeking what he’s missing from you or anyone else and stuff is only gonna end up hurting more people.

It’s great that he was sweet to you but he’s got some real deep issues it seems surrounding CC and I think he’s gotta work that out before he can be in a relationship with you or anything like that.

So I would kinda cut ties, maybe still be there as a friend if that’s possible but definitely nothing more than that till she’s either out of the picture and he’s not gonna be ignoring you and not following through on talking to you and keeping promises or he stays with her.

Maybe if you want you could talk to him about leaving her cause that relationship is def NOT a healthy one and it would be for the best if he left. Try and see where he stands with her and with you too like hey do you actually want me or what is going on cause he said no to you being a rebound but also the part you mentioned about him taking awhile to type that out kinda hints that he’s feeling something else. Ultimately he’s gotta open up to you about everything so you get the truth.

I hope this helps you a bit!! 💕 that’s a tough situation but communication is really key in so many things so I hope he’s willing to talk about this with you and you get some answers and can decide what to do next. I’d still distance myself a bit just to guard your heart and not be involved in any more drama you know

[californiadreaminghq]

Oh good, you made it!

Did you guys know Ky was coming? They brought Vance deLery, The Ghost! And just on time! Grab a drink, find a spot, and make sure you finish everything on the checklist. The band is just getting started – you have 24 hours to send in your account! We’re so glad you’re here!

I. OUT OF THE STUDIO

NAME/ALIAS: Ky

AGE: 28

PRONOUNS: they

                                                 II. ON STAGE

NAME: Vance deLery

FACE CLAIM: Ben Barnes

AGE: 35

TITLE: The Ghost

DREAM: Somebody

OCCUPATION: Guitarist/Vocalist for Indigo Dusk

                                               III. INTERVIEW

Answer the following questions in your character’s voice:

If you could do anything in the world for a living, what would it be?

“Make music. That’s why I’m here, that’s - it’s what I’ve been tryin’ to do all my life. Since I was old enough to know a note, man.” Not an exaggeration; his ma used to laugh, looking at all those polaroids she’d pinned up. Some beaming, black-eyed baby pawing at the keys of the piano in that schoolroom where she did her lessons. This kid perched on the bench, hand-me-down dress shirt tucked in nearly to his knees, crisp white cotton hanging off his skinny shoulders as he played his first something-like a recital. Keep going, sweetheart. Everybody’s gonna listen, you’ll see. Vance sighed, brushed his hair back. “Yeah, just - music. I want to make it, and share it with people. That’s what it’s for.”

If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

“It’d be warm, I’ll tell you that. Can’t handle the cold. Bad for playing in.” He flexed his hands, callused - by steel strings, sure, but busting out license plates, too, nowadays. “Warm. But, like… nice, you know?” A kind of heat that wasn’t so brutally bright, so strong that it’d crush the breath from your chest. Not that thick, sticky sort of warmth he’d grown up in. “Somewhere with real beaches. Soft sand for miles… I mean, California’s great and all, but… gets crowded, man.”

What is one thing that makes you different than anyone else?

“Ah… shit, give me a minute, there…” Experience made him sound like an asshole, didn’t it? Everybody was out there experiencing, all the time. Just, maybe, when it came to the sort of experience people sang about - how many of them had lived all of that? Especially these young things, coming up. Young things. Christ almighty, when did he get old? “I, uh - I’ve done this before. All of it, I’m… I’m doing it again, my second go around.” He nodded, took a deep, steadying sort of breath. “That’s the dream, at least, just… this time, I’m gonna do it my way. Like Frankie said.” Just like that.

                                               IV. BACKSTAGE

BEHIND THE MUSIC:

Vance, he could charm the birds from their trees, the girls right out of their bedroom windows - some of the guys as well, even if it was just their eyes saying so. All it took was a few chords off that beat-up guitar, a couple songs, that crooked smile. He had a certain style, and a sound, but… did he have what it took, to make it big? On his own, he might never have had the confidence to go chasing stars. But he had the boys, pulling him along in their twanging, roaring wake: fellow odd-one-outs around their little town, thick as thieves. There was the frontman, The Fortunate Son, howling himself hoarse out where he could strut his stuff and drink in the crowd. The drummer, The Peace Train - he hit things, hit ‘em at the right time, despite the metric shit-ton of weed he burned through. Their bassman, The Hard-core Troubadour, he didn’t have tricky fingers, but he had rhythm. That’d do. At least, when you had Vance handling the fancy slides and such.

They called themselves the Diamondbacks. Sounded badass, and upscale. So the argument went. Vance, he didn’t see much need to be any of that. That frontman had a way of convincing people, though. Vance, especially. Those heady summer days, passing a joint around by the river, made it real easy to see the light. Their music was good, and it was something else, part of that swell of southern rock n’ roll sound. Those songs they knocked around could be in. Just had to make sure the right people heard them.

First, the Diamondbacks had to get the hell out of Pine Bluff. As soon as possible. None of those boys had any real reason to stick around, no roots they weren’t ready to sever. Vance, he was still missing his mother, her car t-boned by a drunk the spring after she got him that third-hand Fender he lugged over to every practice. His father, he kept a closer eye on the beers in his fridge than he did on his son. But Mr. deLery made sure his boy knew how to take a punch. Did he ever. When the band finally rode off into the sunset, Vance was nursing a broken nose in the backseat - God, though, he’d never laughed so hard. Fuck the whole state. They were going to California.

Beyond there, the plan got a bit hazy. The financing, especially. None of them had much more than a crumpled pocketful of savings. That and a few bucks here and there from gigs was enough to squeak by on, but they hadn’t come all that way to squeak. They wanted to shine. That took cash, though; for new shirts, new drumsticks, the occasional haircut. And the drinking. And the dope, which flowed pretty freely in the big city. The Diamondbacks needed cash on their way to the top. As usual, that singer figured out the answer. He’d met a guy who could use some people. A real cool guy, into real cool things. Like acid, pills, heroin. Just needed a hand moving a little something, now and then, here and there. Vance didn’t like it, but. The Fortunate Son, the tightest friend he’d ever had, was telling him how they were going to save their band. So, Vance listened. It’d be okay, he got promised. It’d be better than okay.

And soon, it was. That cool guy had cool friends, as it turned out, and those cool friends had cool parties. After showing up at a few of those, the Diamondbacks were reading over a record deal, signing on the dotted line. The rest, as they say, is history. There was a promising first album, then, quickly, a record-smashing second, and a third that the radio just loved. Then, trouble. That fourth record spun apart as the band got lost in being bigshots. Vance, never as comfortable being the centre of attention as The Fortunate Son, never as incredibly high as The Peace Train, never as cool and collected as The Hardcore Troubadour, could feel himself burning away in the limelight. He drank to sleep, snorted to wake up. Started to find other things to do, in between. The pressure made him jittery, on and off the stage, and it didn’t help any that that cool friend kept calling. The guy didn’t like to hear no. Said he had strings to pull, if he had to. Going on tour was just such a swell method of distribution, and the money didn’t hurt the band any, did it? The Fortunate Son wasn’t worried. So, Vance tried not to be. He really did.

It all went to hell so fast. One day, they were on top of the fuckin’ world. Next, everybody was going down for possession, intent to distribute. Everybody, or somebody. So said the lawyer The Fortunate Son’s panicked parents had called in. They wanted to make an example, here. One would do. A sacrifice, for the rest of the band, but. With good behaviour, out in no time. Vance would do it. Right? Vance could give the judge those big doe eyes, get off easy. A nice cushy stint in county. It’d be nothing, and the rest of them, they’d fix up that album and keep going, for his sake. Then he’d be back, soon, and… The Fortunate Son, he was half-hysterical. All Vance could say was yes. For his best friend, for the band. It’d be nothing.

Only, that lawyer wasn’t so good as he figured he was. Vance was thrown a dime and a half in San Quentin, a week shy of his twenty-second birthday. Example made.

The band visited, for a while. Prison wasn’t kind, but Vance, he’d grown up keeping his head down. Withdrawal didn’t make it easier. Neither did the visits, honestly. Watching the band break down, from the outside - that stung. That was his life, what he took this long, long fall for. Gone. The days blurred together, a smear of grey concrete, grey food, grey sheets, and the odd, red burst of blood. He watched his hands, playing his way through old songs every night, tapping his fingers on nothing. Listened to the radio, when they allowed - catching the chords, guessing at the picking patterns. All he had to do was stick it out, survive. There’d be music on the other side.

Turns out that all his good, good behaviour would count for something - a few reductions, then, parole. After he hitch-hiked his way to Los Angeles, Vance started strumming along the boardwalks and street corners to make ends meet. He’d lost a decade, of playing, of living; rusty, roughed up, and altogether alone in the world, he had nowhere to go and nobody to see there. Didn’t even have that old Fender. But he could clean himself up and slip into bars and music stores, pick up a guitar, and earn a few coins. Just a week shy of his last pointless parole meeting, he was pulled aside for a proposal. A band, not just some crew of up and comers but a big deal, needed a guitarist, a singer. A replacement. Maybe they weren’t his style, but - could he do it? For the money to keep himself clean, sure. They didn’t seem to have caught on to that criminal record, but that was years ago; the Diamondbacks, and the scandal that snapped them apart, were just about forgotten. All the better for Vance. For the past two years he’s been doing what Indigo Dusk pays him to do, and not much more. This isn’t his band. It’s not his music. He bears them no ill will - he’s grateful, of course, for the chance - but he doesn’t feel at home with them, doesn’t get too personal. Vance is well aware he’s just filling a space onstage, and if he’s honest with himself, he’s not playing his best for them. But, very, very quietly, over the last few months or so, he’s started to slip out to open mic nights around Los Angeles. Nothing too big. Doesn’t want to trouble that contract, obviously… but he can feel it, the quaking in the foundation of this band he’s hitched himself to. They’re going the same way The Diamondbacks did, or something like it, anyway. And that asides, he misses making music that felt like his. Maybe The Diamondbacks weren’t that, either. But he’s out looking for his own sound, now, and if the audiences are any indication, he’s starting to find it…

                                                   V. ENCORE

Let’s start with a PINTEREST! https://www.pinterest.ca/jraphicpark/vance/

HEADCANON time!

Vance got his musical talent, and then some, from his mother - a music teacher. She realized early that her boy had spectacular pitch, listening to him plink along with radio tunes on her piano. He can do more than that now, but hasn’t let the rest of Indigo Dusk in on the fact. They’ve got somebody on the keys, don’t need him. And it hurts to play, in some ways. Piano was his mom’s music, her sound, and it brings back a hell of a lot of memories. 

He can also pick something pretty out on the banjo, and knows his way around a classic diatonic harmonica. Picked that one up in prison; being able to keep folks entertained has always served Vance well, even in his worst days. 

At this point, he’s mostly playing covers for the cafe and bar crowds; but Vance is slowly, surely, starting to throw in a tune or two of his own. It’s not just his sound that’s drawing people in, either. When he warms up, past a certain natural shyness, Vance has this unpretentious, genuine way about him, a self-deprecating kind of humour that sneaks in between songs. It keeps them listening, even if his music isn’t perhaps the kind of thing that’s hitting it big on the airwaves these days.

Though nobody was throwing those words around in 1973, Vance is what we’d call dyslexic and dysgraphic - meaning, very broadly, that he struggles to read and write. It’s not something he has an explanation for, and the ones given to him by teachers and schoolmates weren’t kind. He’s been treated like he’s not terribly smart, or like he’s lazy, or both, since he was a kid. Neither’s true, but he’s still sensitive about it, and tries to hide this fact as much as possible. People already tend to judge him quickly thanks to the backwoodsy accent. It’s not fair, but Vance knows the world isn’t like that. So he just gets on by, as best he can.

And then, obviously, a PLAYLIST! I’ll just list the songs, because I don’t have a proper Spotify set up (shocking, I know). Hope it’s okay that some of these are modern. Vance typically played electric with the Diamondbacks, in their more rock n’ roll style (think CCR, Lynyrd Skynyrd); left to his own devices, he prefers an acoustic sound heavy on the finger-picking. He’s got a genuine gift for that kind of playing, very much a van Zandt kind of talent. His voice, usually background to The Fortunate Son’s in the Diamondback days, actually has a decent range - soft highs to a bit of old country growl.

Highway Kind - Townes van Zandt Little Boy - Barns Courtney

Feel Alright - Steve Earle

Built to Roam - Shakey Graves

Leaving On A Jet Plane - John Denver

Deep Dark Wells - Joe Pug

Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash

My Poor Heart - The Glorious Sons

Satan and St. Paul - John Fullbright I’m Not a Saint - Billy Raffoul

Wasteland - X Ambassadors

Tearing At the Seams - Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats

And I Love You So - Don McLean

Everything Is Alright - The Glorious Sons

Unknown Legend - Shakey Graves

Bright Beginnings - Joe Pug

Lungs - Townes van Zandt

Don’t Take Your Guns to Town - Johnny Cash

History - X Ambassadors

Take Me Home, Country Roads - John Denver

Unlucky Skin - Shakey Graves

Meet Me in the Alleyway - Steve Earle

Panic Attack - The Glorious Sons

American Pie - Don McLean

Still Trying - Nathaniel Rateliff

And for a few more things, here’s some tidbits about the (ex)band, so far as wanted connections might go! Names and Titles are flexible. Faceclaims would be totally up to player, probably in the 32-37 age range.  

THE FORTUNATE SON

The oddest one out, back in Pine Bluff and the band, this character grew up as the spoiled and rebellious child of the biggest bigwigs that little town had to offer. Maybe he’s a Somebody, a country crooner or a real rockstar. Maybe he’s become a Power, staring down the kind of up and comer he used to be across a nice, expensive desk. Is he happy, now? Was it worth it? Who’s to say.

THE PEACE TRAIN

The roving spirit of the bunch, the real hippie, off in la-la land, ready to fire up a fat one the moment they left the stage. You could say that for this character - he loved the music, and couldn’t stand to see it compromised. He was a cheerleader, always ready to shove the rest of the band back on their feet and get the show on the road, eternally the sunny, can-do optimist. The weed probably helped with that, but still. Vance wound up moving plenty of product for him alone, back in the day. Now? Who knows he’s up to.

THE HARD-CORE TROUBADOUR

Once the bassist of The Diamondbacks, this character was always a hard-headed, take-no-shit sonofabitch. But he got shit done. While The Fortunate Son dreamed big and tried to smile and schmooze his way to what he wanted, The Hard-core Troubadour put in the thinking and paperwork that made stuff happen. He spent much of the friendship - and the band - frustrated. Vance was often the one who had to try and gentle things out between people, usually this stubborn bastard and their bombastic, self-righteous frontman. He might have moved on to another band, but it’s just as likely that he left music behind for managing or mixing at one of the labels.

[snkret-photography]

Back to Me

Most people know that I follow an abridged variation of a Paleolithic/Ketogenic diet. It makes me feel the most optimal and reduces a lot of my inflammation and hormonal imbalances. Also I’ve never really been a big carb or grain persons so it was an easy transition mentally. This has just been what has worked for me to feel optimal. When I was younger, I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted and proceeded to exercise like I was getting paid for it. I don’t have that time or energy anymore so my current lifestyle is well supported by my diet. And while I have a general label for how I eat so other people can easily digest it, I don’t particularly care to label it. I try to keep things paleo but Quest Bars are my crack, literally candy bars. I get one life and even if I reincarnate, the experiences in that lifetime won’t solidify my satisfaction in this one. So I still eat what I want, when I want but instead of focusing on the immediate satisfaction that it gives me, I focus on the long term gratification I can derive while still making sure I don’t feel deprived. It works for me and that’s all I worry about.

Recently, I started a new job, I’ll probably talk about that more in depth at some point, but it’s a very youthful workforce and the company operates in the ad tech space. Which means everyone is aware of diets based on the loose depictions they can find on Instagram; legit, no shade. I’ve been on my food protocol for about 2 years and over the past year have cut down to eating once a day, which I just prefer to be freshly made at home right before bed. This translates to me surviving the work day on coffee and water alone. Which translates to everyone having an opinion on their lack of willpower communicated through copious questions and declarations I’d rather not entertain. Like I said, it’s a new job. But whenever I glaze over the details of how I choose to eat, people immediately start throwing out buzzwords as if I remembered the definition and not the word itself. This is usually followed up with some variation of:

“They say that is/is not good for you because some bullshit study somewhere in some bullshit magazine somewhere else.”

I follow an eating protocol that works for me, my goals, and my overall health from both an internal feeling perspective and careful attention to medical markers. Added fact that I love biology which means I actually look at the basis of science studies to look at their original reasoning for deriving a hypothesis, the control of the study, who backed it, and the subsequent reporting along with the counter arguments. I.e. I look at the big picture and not just what “they say” as a basis for how I live my life and make decisions. How I eat works for me but it may not work for everyone else. I do a lot of people’s diet plans and I almost always start out with a list of carbs to intake. Just because I limit the type and amount of carbs I eat, doesn’t mean that everyone else would benefit from such. I may be an accountant but I am not a copy/paste formula. And “they” don’t know everything. Just because some people have made buckets of what Is and is not healthy does not mean that it is 100% accurate. They haven’t studied you and your bodies reaction to the blanket list that they’ve decided to impart on the public. And the public, being the public, has a low tolerance for research and assuming their own opinions; we all love when some stranger says something on the internet super convincingly and have broken it down in a manner in which we can regurgitate without much reference for what is actually said.

This isn’t a conversation about diets. And I’m no better for the flaw in which I’m pointing out. We all go to pseudo-authorities to help make formalized decisions for us on both short-term and long-term decisions. From what to eat, to figuring out our careers, choosing partners, relaxation methods, methods for creating happiness in our lives, and so much more. Consultation is one of the most common things we all do and we always tend to consult, directly or in-directly, those in which we believe have a stronger foundation in the topic than we do. You want career advice, you consult someone who has a career length or position in which you desire to. You want fitness or dieting advice, you consult the trainer or dietitian. More commonly you follow the person who competes on Instagram or ask your friend who’s always been skinny/buff, depending on your goals. You want to know how to navigate your relationship, you ask people who have relationships in which you aspire to. At least, in theory this is the manner in which people go about things. Everyone consults based on their immediate circle and the manners in which they trust other to help them navigate their problems. I don’t believe in monogamy, yet all of my friends in relationships consult me on how to secure their relationships and improve the quality of because they’re aware I'm going to advise them based on the value of our friendship and not my personal views on the matter. I know trainers that constantly tell their clients that to achieve their results, it require discipline and consistency yet their clients chief question, paraphrasing, is what they can buy to achieve that. So they in turn sell them accountability until the person can gain that for themselves and routines that are built around the person’s goals. At my gym there is a trainer who I’ve seen float the exact same workout to both men and women trying to achieve completely different goals, only changing the duration, intensity and repetition of the workout. That is so not how it works but that is how a lot of people work. “This worked for me or I have found x so it should work for you and anyone else who asks.”

This theme of listening to the “they” hit a real head recently. I greatly enjoy the role of devil’s advocate. No particular reason, it brings me joy and that’s all that matters. So going with the current is rather easy but personally, infuriating. I would go online to browse random sub-reddits and a bunch of jack-offs behind their keyboard were operating on a full level of knowledge, confidence and rudeness you could tell was in-organic. I would entertain a public discord on some newsworthy topic and was subsequently met with opinions that nobody could concretely defend. And all that diet shit I mentioned earlier. So when it was time to decide my next project, I didn’t even want to do one. I looked back on my recent projects and then broadened that to my entire works over the past year from the creation of this website to side projects I had picked up and was entirely confused. I had no idea what I didn’t like about everything as a package nor that impressed by individual projects. Even my posts were bugging me. So far from the course in which I originally set. And somewhere in reflecting on why people found it so appropriate to consult me on my own practices from an outside party in which neither of us ever regarded personally, something clicked. It’s been a very inauthentic experience. Sure I have some projects here that I absolutely adore. Yes, I have gotten to do something I love, work with people in the manner I desire, and develop my skills in a manner I never really thought I could before. Of course this has been a cathartic outlet with great growth and has had a visibly positive impact both in my and other’s lives. It has also just made me grow closer with a lot of people by opening up the realm of conversation. It’s dope. But something still wasn’t clicking. My writing was getting weaker and almost always derived from an emotional perspective. I kept trying to change my website and Instagram layout but could never figure out how to keep it in the manner I developed it. Photo-shoots had more to do with getting content out or making a quick buck on the side rather than developing an idea and creating a story from it.

I had developed a business and parts of my life on the advice and consultation of people who have no actual basis of authority. And doing things strictly to impress others or at the console of something others have an opinion on yet no tangible marker of authority is dissatisfying to say the least. I don’t like social media almost strictly based on not giving a fuck about the facade that people put on to have these amazing lives they don’t nor entertain the countless opinions of people who can’t keep that same energy. I originally designed my website in the taste of my ex-boyfriend who had never designed anything for public consumption or really taken any action on anything. Adjusting concepts and final visions on the advice of a person who just on-looks but doesn’t operate. Then I look at the approach I developed in writing to be more open in my communication about my emotions and life at the advice of all my friends who like to act like they have none, self explanatory why I should have not listened. Broaden the pattern, I had an abysmal living arrangement on the advice of people who suggested the money saved would be best long-term. In short, a bunch of opinions from people who have nothing to lose in the outcome. And it all just settled. I couldn’t take much pride in things when the outcome was based more on the advice of non-active participants than myself. Which was my own fault. I can consult the world but I don’t have to take the world’s advice. It was something I’ve always known and implemented in my life yet neglected in my business. Putting off projects because my consultants didn’t particularly like the idea or get it. Wondering if I needed to go back to the drawing board or if I wasn’t communicating it properly. But it’s not their project. They’re not putting their name on it and quite frankly, if they don’t like it then that is a miss for them. But if I put out a project I’m not invested in, then that is a lost for me that I will always have my name attached to.

So now, on the anniversary of my dive back into photography and writing, I’m going back to the original ideas. I will do things that I want to move in the direction I want. I will consult authorities and opinions alike but will make note of the differences and be sure I’m still just as invested at every step. There is no worse feeling than to have to live according to someone else’s version of happiness, success, and achievement. The manner in which other people live and operate are mere matters of comparison to derive what parts we identify with and which parts we don’t, constructing the best possible experience for ourselves. And I want to bring people the best that I have. I love what I’ve put out over this past year because no matter how good or bad something may be technically, personally, anecdotally, I have a record in which to document my growth. But what is the point of a goal if it is not consistently refined as you achieve it? So when I set out on the first year, I had a lot of goals with a lot of people who are no longer here. Now I have some goals for myself and at the forefront of them, and in the words of Megan Thee Stallion: What The Fuck I Want, When The Fuck I Want!

*And I’m still at the mall with your motherfuckin’ daddy, eh

[punishandenslavesuckers]

Cat/Magnus (from someone you've definitely never spoken to before, and definitely understands the concept of subtlety)

IM SO SORRY YOU GUYS. IM AN ANGST DISASTER MACHINE aND THEY ARE A BATTLE COUPLE PROBABLY. THIS IS NOT THE FLUFF AND MAKE OUT SESSIONS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. OH GOD. SORRY. HERE:

Magnus has this terrible habit, she knows, of latching onto things in the moments where the world seems to be ending. Personally, Catarina thinks that makes him more human than her, but that’s not what she’s focused on just now. The dirt in their fox hole smells like blood and Magnus is screaming like he’s dying and, well, he is dying and that’s what should consume her thoughts right now. His gut’s ripped open, shorn wide by a chunk of shrapnel the size of her fist. It’s shredded the stolen uniform he’s wearing, laying bare a small strip of bloody intestine, the air stinking like his perforated stomach.

If Magnus were any more than half human in his parentage, he’d be dead instead of dying so she takes that as a win as she straddles his legs, one of which is broken, and holds him down while she works on him.

“Magnus,” she says calmly, loudly, her fingers digging around for the last of the metal somewhere in his large intestine. “Magnus, my love, focus on my voice.” She magics the shards into the palm of her other hand, pinching and knitting slithering organs as she goes. “You’re okay. It’s not that bad, really. Just a scratch, honey.”

“FUCK YOU!” he’s sobbing, which is a good sign. Magnus yelling is a good sign.  

“It’s okay, I’m almost done. Deep breathe.”

She floods his entire lower body with a concentrated burst of magic, soaking every cell and taking biological possession of their functions, forcing them into a psychotic fit of regeneration. She wouldn’t normally subject a conscious person this, but Magnus doesn’t have that kind of time and, frankly, if anyone can take this much pain in a single go, it’s Magnus Bane. Still, she has literally sit on top of him, her hands jammed almost entirely into his guts, to stop him from bucking her off in a fit of agony. He howls, cries, just fucking screams at her. He calls her terrible things in more languages than she knows. She keeps healing him. He begs her to stop, to stop, to please fucking stop but she does not stop until his eyes roll back in his skull and, mercifully, he passes out.

Then she finishes her bloody work in silence, contained in a small bubble of glamore, she smooths out the rips she finds inside him, seams the subcutaneous layers of his belly closed one by one – nerve, sinew, and skin. She scrubs out all sign of scarring or wound. She erases the history of violence from him sections at time. When she’s done with his stomach, she runs her hands over his shredded right thigh, fuses his shattered patella, strings the muscle in his leg back together and steals a boot off a dead Marine to replace the one Magnus lost. She searches his body with her fingers, clinical as a machine, she scours him for the broken parts and mends them.

He seems so small when he’s unconscious, laying slack beneath her, eyes closed.

He stinks like a battlefield, like his own death five times over, like mud and gunpowder. He twitches, whimpering when she combs her fingers through his blood-sticky hair, stitches his split scalp back together, wipes a cut from his cheek with her thumb. She cradles his neck, staring down at him with a dull exhaustion and she thinks: He’s so pretty, honestly. She always thinks this while she’s pulling him back together, that Magnus Bane is kind of beautiful, that his jawline is just so sharp, that his dark complexion is so clear, his cheekbones cut with a knife, and when he smiles he lights up a room.

And this, a mudhole filled with blood and shit, is where she brings him.

“Cat,” he groans, coming slowly out of it. His eyes flutter a little. They’re gold under the glow of artillery fire. “Cat, what’s… where’m I?”

“You’re okay, I’ve got you.” She wipes mud from his cheek. “Hey, hey. It’s me.”

He’s a little doped up on pain killing magic. “Hey,” he slurs, kinda grinning. “There was a hole in me, huh?”

“Yes, there was. All gone now. Better watch yourself, Bane.”

He grimaces and sits up, she’s still straddling his lap. He looks up at her. “Hey,” he starts to say. He fits his hands over the utility belt at her hips. He smiles. “Cat, you –”

She covers his mouth with her fingers, still sticky with his own blood.

“Don’t,” she whispers. “Don’t you dare do that here, Magnus. Don’t you dare.”

He blinks. His eyes are brown again. “Okay,” he says, muffled, confused.

He doesn’t get it. He’s older than her, but something about how his world fits together doesn’t allow him to see the facts of them. Sure, he’s probably in love with her. Hell, she’s pretty sure she could be in love with him. But she just won’t allow that shit right now. She’s not one to find the good things in the shitstorm and gather them in her palms like a buttercup in a battlefield, focusing in on the things to live for. No. Here is not where she cradles her humanity, where she opens her heart to a moment of peace.

No. This is not the version of herself to fall in love with.

God. Never.

“Let’s get out of here,” she says, kissing him on the forehead. “No dying this time.”

“Sure thing,” he says, bemused.

He’ll try again later, she knows, to confess that he loves her like she doesn’t know. She will stop him every time until he stops doing it. Maybe one day, two hundred years from now she’ll be able to look at her best friend of nearly a century and not see him vomiting blood on a battlefield, or broken from a fight with nephilim, or torn up by some other fact of his mad existence. She’s not a good influence, she knows. She’s another disaster happening to him in slow motion, but he just doesn’t notice because, of course, his life is a tapestry of disasters.

“What’s next?” he asks her, hunkering down in the dirt next to her.

She imagines the day he doesn’t come back to her. She thinks, on that day, she will stop being human. But for now, she says, “We go east.”

[wtfholland]

hi! could i get like a protective peter or tom imagine with 6 & 14? 💛💛 love your writing!

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that!!!!😚💜

*requests are closed as of february 24th!* thank you so much to everyone who made requests❤️ they are in the process of being written, thanks for being so patient☺️

listen to this while reading♫

~Peter’s POV~

I was beaming as I skipped down the empty hallway. I was finished with all of my exams for this semester. An upbeat, repetitive tune was playing in my head as I shuffled down towards my locker to collect my jacket and backpack. To add onto my eventful day, I was planning on finally asking Y/N out on a date. I don’t know, for some odd reason, just the fact alone that I was done exams and didn’t have to study for anything for a good chunk of time, put me in such a positive mindset, boosting my confidence by a couple hundreds. I swung my locker door open, my face lighting up at the sight of the photo that greeted me. It was of Y/N, Ned, MJ and I at the Midtown Science Fair last year. Michelle and Y/N’s faces were covered in green splotches, MJ looking irritated, Y/N was laughing (and looking absolutely beautiful), Ned was mid-sneeze and I, well…was just staring at Y/N in awe.

She was quite frankly the most gorgeous creature in all of Midtown, Queens, New York, the whole goddamn world. She was my favourite person, my best friend, my safe haven; I was damn well obsessed with her. She knew everything about me, including my secret identity. “Ayo, Parker!” I heard someone shout at the end of the hallway, in an exaggerated gang accent. I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for the possibility of rejection or a punch in the face. I peeked out from behind my locker door to see Y/N juggling all of her textbooks, the ones on top of the stack nearly tipping over, already wearing her jacket. I rushed over to her and took them out of her arms. “I’ve got it. I feel bad for you because you’re not done all of your exams.” I chuckled as she playfully slapped my arm.

“Whatever, Petey. Don’t rub it in.” she scoffed. I gasped at the nickname and Y/N laughed at my stunned expression as I continued walking back to my locker, her beside me. I set the textbooks down by my feet and wiped my sweaty palms on my pants. Okay, Peter, here we go. You’ve got this, man. You’ve got this. I sucked in a big gulp of air and puffed my chest out. “So, uh…do you still need me to help you with Chemistry or do you think you have it under control?” I asked, trying to act cool and collected. I did one last scan of my locker before shutting and locking it. I turned back to Y/N, propping on arm against the metal, trying to look like a big shot. Her eyes were glued to her phone, thumbs frantically beating in the screen. “Y/N?” I chanted, attempting to steal her attention away. She averted her eyes from the glowing screen to look at me, as smile stitched onto her face. Her pretty face.

“Sorry, Pete. I was texting Duncan.” she said, the smile growing wider. Whoa, whoa, whoa…The blood ran from my face, my arm dropping down in an instant. My face meshed into itself and my entire demeanour changed; I knew I must’ve looked extremely uncomfortable. “Are you okay?” Y/N asked, examining my posture. This immediately shook me out of it. I cleared my throat and tried to ignore my conscience dying of laughter. “Who’s Duncan?” I whimpered, clearing my throat for a second time. Y/N giggled lightly and ruffled my hair. Before I could really absorb and enjoy the feeling of her gentle fingers in my hair, they were gone. “He’s that guy I went out with a week ago. Remember? The one with the Volvo? You and Ned were over when he pulled up in front of my house and I asked you guys to lock up before you left.” Y/N explained. What in the hell? That guy looked…off to me, from the way we watched his face when Y/N got in the car, the lack of expression to the sudden dirty look he was throwing in Ned and I’s direction all the way from the car before he sped off, not giving Y/N any time to put on her seatbelt and his tires leaving haunting black streaks on the road.

“W-what? You’re going out with that guy again?” I stuttered, looking unsure. She knotted her eyebrows as she bent down to pick up the leaning tower of textbooks. “Well, yeah! Our last date was pretty ‘dope’, as he had put it and that he wants to take me out again tonight to meet some of his friends!” Y/N gushed, the smile that could light fireworks never leaving her face. I tried to mask my disappointment. Of course I was happy for Y/N, but the selfish monster in me wanted me to be the one who was making her happy, not that creep Duncan. I mean, his Volvo is pretty cool, but it’s not that cool; And from what I saw that day, that guy has some stupid hair. “Well, alright…” I muttered, tugging on my jacket. Y/N touched my shoulder, my entire body jolted at her touch, wanting more of it. “I still need you to help me with Chemistry, by the way.” she whispered, grinning widely at me. I returned the gesture and zipped up my jacket. “We’ll go to that little café by your house and I’ll buy you that Pumpkin Spice hot chocolate stuff you love way too much.” I declared. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and shoved my right arm through the hanging strap. Y/N shot me a warm smile, looking more adorable than ever. “Oh, goodie, Peter Pan.” she teased. 

We stood there for what seemed like a century, just looking into each other’s eyes. Her e/c orbs were so magical, they were like liquid lights; They pulled me in and god, I never wanted to escape. I saw a spark of some sorts, something I’ve seem a couple times with Y/N. She quickly cleared her throat and scratched the back of her neck. “I should probably get going. I have to give these back to the book room and get my textbooks for next sem’.” she stated, raising the pile of books a little higher. “Oh, yeah, for sure! Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow then? Be careful when you go with Duncan tonight. Make sure you give me a call when you get home afterwards and if you need anything, just signal your old friend Spidey.” I instructed, taking a few small steps backwards. “Aye aye, Mr. Parker. I’ll be fine, I’m a big girl. I’ll make good decisions and stay in one piece for you, baby.” Y/N sing-songed. That name shook me to my core. It sounded so…hot coming from her, even if she was playing around. Oh, god, Peter! Calm yourself, she’s going out with somebody else. I rolled my eyes, both at Y/N and my conscience. “Text me so I know you’re safe!” I called to her as we parted ways. She threw up a peace sign and a mouthwatering smile, her hand quickly shooting back underneath the books, bound to tumble over within seconds. She cackled loudly and disappeared out of the hallway. I dropped my head and sighed. “Great, just wonderful. Just fucking peachy.” I groaned. I started in the direction Y/N just marched down until I felt a vibration in my pocket. I tugged my phone out and opened a text from Ned.

“She’s being ridiculous! Going out with that guy again tonight? I don’t think so. I have such a bad feeling about that guy, Ned! You don’t understand. He looks like one of those guys who would follow you around the mall and try to sell you crack.” I gasped, snatching a bag of Jolly Ranchers of the shelf in front of me, some other candies falling to the floor in the process. “Isn’t he like…three years older than Y/N?” Ned asked, bending down to pick up the bags. I furrowed my eyebrows at him. “No, no, no. Y/N’s only 16 so I think that’d be against the law. He’s like…17, I’m not sure.” I reassured him as we made our way over to the Slurpee station. “This clown seems to have a couple of screws loose, if I’m being honest.” I chuckled. I grabbed two medium sized cups and handed one to Ned, immediately filling mine to the brim with a mix of Coke and Cream Soda.

“Well, Y/N seems happy. How’d they meet anyways?” Ned commented, absentmindedly. “Dude! Not helping!” I screeched, my head whipping towards him. Ned recoiled, his hand halting on the pump for Orange Crush. “Sorry, man. I know how much you like her.” he said, his voice threaded with sympathy. I groaned, reaching for a lid. “I think I more than like her, Ned.” I admitted, keeping my eyes focused on the plastic tops. When I didn’t hear a response from Ned, I turned to look at him; His jaw was practically touching the floor, his cup overflowing with the frosty treat. I quickly manoeuvred his hand off of the pump and grabbed some napkins for his hands. “I knew it! I knew it!  I—Michelle owes me thirty bucks!” my friend beamed before sucking some of the Slurpee off from the top of his cup. “You guys made a bet in regards to my feelings for Y/N?” I exclaimed, gawking at him in disbelief. “Well, actually, the deal was that you’d at least admit to one of us before or after Halloween. In my case, I said you’d crack before; MJ, after.” Ned explained. He pushed past me, dancing his way over to the lids. “I just got myself thirty big ones!”

I stabbed my straw into my drink and took a big gulp, being mindful of the possibility of a brain freeze. “Why Halloween? What relevance is that? I know it’s Y/N’s favourite holiday, but out of all times of the year…oh…I get it! It’s her favourite holiday and I know she loves having us all over for Fright Night!” I gasped. Jeez Louise, I really need to get Y/N away from this Duncan fellow, my feelings are eating me alive at this point. “There you go, Petey!” Ned teased, using the nickname Y/N gave me. I chuckled and bumped his arm. “Alright, I’ll figure out some way to tell her and since you are my guy in the chair, I need you to give me a hand with wha—”

“Give me all the money you have in the register or I’ll blow your brains out!” a groggy voice roared from the front of the store. Ned and I froze, our blood ran cold and our treats slipped out of our hands, collecting into a mess on the floor. Oh shit! There is no way this is happening right now! I gestured Ned to duck down and move quickly behind the farthest shelf from the register. I followed him and I cautiously peeked up over the top of the shelf. There is no way in hell this is happening right now! Over at the front of the cash register, holding Mr. Delmar at gun point, was Duncan. Y/N’s kind of-not really boyfriend. Of course it was him, of all people! What the hell was he doing? I got back down and stared at Ned with wide eyes. “Dude, that’s Duncan robbing the store!” I moved the palm of my hand towards the floor, signalling him to stay very quiet.

“No way! What?! This is insane! What are we gon—” Ned was cut off by the screams of a gun, the sounds of rounds going off, all around us. Rectangular black boxes fell from the ceiling and came crashing down on the floor, leaving them in smithereens. I could hear Duncan mumbling to Mr. Delmar, something about how his last visit to the store ‘didn’t go as planned’ and how he was ‘back for revenge’. Ned began tapping on my arm and I averted my attention to him. "You have your suit, right? You can fight him!” Ned pumped his fist in mid-air. “Right! Why didn’t I think of that myself?” I said, shrugging off my backpack. I tugged the zipper quickly, my hand shooting inside and fishing for my suit. My fingers grazed against a soft fabric and I knew I was in luck; I quickly pulled it out just for my face to fall. This has got to be a joke! “My gym shorts?! Where’s my su—ah, no!” I exclaimed, trying to stay as quiet as I could. “What? Where is it, Peter?” Ned gasped, his turn to carefully look over the shelf towards the activity at the front of the store. He dropped back down after a few seconds as I continued shuffling through my bag. “I think May took it out to do laundry. I told her I’d do it myself but, you know her. Shit, what am I gonna do?!” I frantically swivelled my head around. I looked down at my chest and unzipped my jacket, quickly removing my Midtown crew neck. “Look! You could wear one of these!” Ned suggested, thrusting floppy rubber in my face; I gazed at the hideous thing. It’ll have to do! No more wasting time! I slipped it over my head and Ned gave me a thumbs up. “Wait, the web shooters?” he asked as we crawled to the edge of the shelf. “I need to make more web fluid so they’re empty. Whatever, I can’t waste anymore time.” I amped myself up. Ned grabbed my arm before I showed myself to Duncan, whispering a quick ‘good luck’. I nodded in acknowledgement. I’m gonna need it, especially right now. Here we go…

“Hey, you! Stop right there!” I announced, thrusting myself in the view of Duncan and Mr. Delmar. Both of their heads turned to look at me, and almost like an alarm went off in the criminal’s head, he burst out laughing. I knew exactly what he was pissing himself at too: My make shift Spidey costume. I was sporting one of the cheap Halloween masks that were on display in the back of the store, leaving me in just my jeans and old converse. I just cleared my throat as he continued to laugh, his gun locked in the direction of Mr. Delmar. “You shouldn’t be stealing money, it’s bad.” I declared as bluntly as I could. I just…still couldn’t believe it was Duncan. The guy that Y/N is supposed to going on a date with tonight. I need to tell her, regardless of how it could hurt her. This guy will be the one who gets her killed and I will never let that happen; I’ll protect her with me life, no question about it.

“And who the fuck are you supposed to be? You fucking freak!” he cackled, hunching over a bit. To my horror, he turned the gun towards me and without having so much as a millisecond to take cover, he fired the gun in my direction. The bullet smashed into one of the refrigerators along the wall behind me with a loud smash. White liquid began to pool around my feet and onto the floor, which I assumed was milk. “Fuckin’ hell, I don’t have time for this bullshit.” Duncan said, almost too casually turning the gun back to Mr. Delmar. I had to think fast; the only things around me were bagged loaves of bread and instant mashed potatoes. “What the hell are you looking at him for? You should be loading up the bag—” Duncan began, gesturing at the large black duffel that was on the counter, “—with my fucking money! Now get to it or I’ll put a nice, clean hole right between your eyes, old man! Move it!” The sinister voice that erupted from Duncan’s throat frightened me.

Poor Mr. Delmar punched some buttons into the register and the cash drawer flew open. He began frantically scooping every single dollar out of the register and forced it into the bag. “That’s right, that’s right. Everything you’ve got in there.” Duncan swooned. I could see small droplets of tears flowing down Mr. Delmar’s face. Out of all days not to have my suit or my web shooters…Nice going, dumb ass. In the corner of my eye, I could see Ned waving his hand at me. I turned my head and he tossed me a can of extra strong bug spray. I caught it and glared at him. “What the hell is this gonna do?!” I mentally asked him. His fingers pointed towards his eyes and then in the direction of Duncan. I caught on quickly and without a second thought, ran up to Duncan. “Hey, Mr. Trigger Happy!” I called out before grabbing his shoulder and yanking him to face me and without a second to spare, I held the can up and lined it up with his eyes and let a rip. “Gah!” he exclaimed, his hand that held the gun came down towards his face, the back of it furiously rubbing his eyes. Blindly, he began firing the gun at me, but I dodged every single one of the bullets. Holy shit, I just did that! I quickly flipped in the air and landed on his hunched back and grabbed the gun with both of my hands and tugged the bastard out of his grasp. 

I tossed it over to Mr. Delmar who stood there dumbstruck; Thankfully, he managed to catch it without accidentally setting it off. “Call the police!” I yelled, struggling as Duncan’s arms swung at me. He inflicted harsh blows on my stomach, ribs and legs. Suddenly, I was soaring through the air except not willingly. The beast threw me off of him and I landed in the puddle of milk and glass, the solid floor adding to the mix of the red hot pain I felt in all my muscles. I groaned in agony, feeling little shards of glass piercing my bare upper body while the milk soaked my pants; The masks eye holes were torn open wider. Duncan, who was still rubbing his eyes aggressively, snatched the duffel bag, three quarters full, and dashed out the door without looking back. I just tucked my head into my chest, groaning out in pain as I tried to get up. Dammit!

I heard the sound of tires screeching and that’s when Ned was by my side, taking hold of my arms gently and standing me up. I hopped on my leg that hurt a lot less than the other until I could put weight on my other, trying to overlooking the throbbing in my calf. “Shit…” I mumbled, “that really hurt. Thanks for the bug spray though, that definitely did some damage.” I turned to look at him, his face full of concern. “I already called the cops when I was hiding. I just spoke as quietly as I possibly could.” he described. A whimper broke the both of us out of our trance. Mr. Delmar was silently sobbing, which struck something in me. Mr. Delmar was one of the nicest men I’ve ever met; He was selfless, kind hearted and just overall didn’t deserve this. I needed to stop Duncan. I needed to warn Y/N and tell her what he was doing. I need to keep her away from him. 

“Ned, I need you to stay here and calm Mr. Delmar down. If the cops ask, tell them that you didn’t know me a-and that the suspect fled.” I instructed desperately. Ned just nodded blankly. “Dude, there’s security cameras. Your plan is garbage.” I grumbled, trying to think of something that the cops would buy. “Ugh, nothing’s coming to me right now! I need to go save Y/N! Just…keep Mr. Delmar calm.” I concluded before I made my way to the store. “I’ll get your money back, sir. All of it.” I vowed. Just when I was about to run out the door, I turned back the sobbing man. “I’ll, uh…also pay for this mask a bit later.” And with that, I booked it out of the store to save the girl I loved.

I’ll just swing around the city until I see Y/N. That’ll work, right? I made a pit stop to the apartment, busting in through the door. Good thing May wasn’t home because I was still cut up, shirtless, and wearing the stupid Halloween mask. Why am I still wearing it? I tore it off my head and threw it to the floor, leaving it there to be forgotten…until May sees it and scares herself half to death. I grabbed all of my materials I needed to make the web fluid and set them down over the papers and study guides on my work desk, not giving them a second thought to whether they’d get ruined or not. I rapidly combined the chemicals, still being careful to get the formula precise. While I let it set, I stood in front of my mirror and carelessly plucked out the tiny shards of glass out of my skin, wincing at the slight sting. I was sure I missed a few but I discarded what I got into the trash, tugged off my jeans and changed into my homemade suit. Nearly tripping over one of the legs of my bed, I snatched my web shooters and brought them to my work space. I looked back and forth between my cell phone and the beaker holding the web fluid, hoping Y/N would text me. Call me. Anything. 

But still nothing. I felt a bead of sweat run down the side of my face as I carefully poured the web fluid into the slots built into the web shooters. After I gave it a test, I was good to go. I’ll clean this mess up later. I shoved my phone into the pocket of my blue sweatpants and made my way to the window. I opened it up and quickly checked around to see if anyone could see me swooping out. Nope, we are good to go! And without looking back or bothering to close the window, I threw myself out, spinning my first web, setting off on my mission to find Y/N.

“Hello?” a silky voice greeted cheerfully. “Y/N! Why weren’t you answering before?! Whatever, thank god you answered now! I have to tell you something really important!” I sounded frantic and almost completely out of breath from all the swinging, climbing and running. “Hang on, I’m gonna leave the room so I can have a little more privacy.” she said. I could hear shuffling in the background and a loud cackled of laughter coming from someone there with Y/N. I was resting my legs, and arms, and my entire body on the roof of the school, using it as some sort of temporary sanctuary. Ned texted me not too long ago and told me it turns out that Duncan ended up shooting the security cameras; That was what those block boxes were. We didn’t have to worry about the footage but the police informed Ned that this guy had been in custody previously but was released for a false report. Ned didn’t hesitate to mention that his friend was supposed to be going on a date with Duncan later on. The police promised Ned that Y/N would be safe and brought home and that they will catch Duncan. But not if I can first. 

“Hey, Petey. What’s up? I can’t talk for very long, I’m out with Dunc—”

“He’s a criminal Y/N!” I yelled into the phone, scaring a couple of birds that landed on the roof away. “What? What the hell are you talking about, Peter?” she replied. I could hear the aggressive house music booming through the phone which scared me a little. May always told Y/N and I to stay away from people who made us uneasy and ever since I laid eyes on Duncan for the first time, I’ve felt uneasy. I didn’t know how Y/N couldn’t see his true motives. I didn’t want to get off the phone with her in case something happened. 

“I was in Mr. Delmar’s shop today with Ned after school because you told me that you were going out with Duncan so I lost my chance to ask you out, and then Ned and I were talking about how much we…well actually it was more of me…how I didn’t trust this guy, and then we were getting candy and Slurpees and snacks to binge watch Star Wars, and then all of a sudden, someone busted into the store and started yelling at Mr. Delmar to give him all the money that was in the cash register, but it wasn’t just anyone, it was Duncan! And he had a gun! A-and a duffel bag! And he was pointing it at Mr. Delmar a-and then, told him to give him all the money, and then—” 

“Peter, slow down! Shut up for a second! Take a breath, would you?” Y/N cut me off abruptly. I took shaky breaths, realizing that I was talking pretty fast. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, just…please. I need you to believe me. Where are you? I’ll come and get you!” I proposed, my voice uneasy. “Petey, you…you were gonna ask me out?” she whispered. My god, I couldn’t catch a break today. “Is that all you got out of what I told you?” I asked, chuckling nervously. She was silent for a couple seconds before I heard a whimper. “Peter…you dummy! You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to ask me out! I…I was really just with Duncan to make you jealous.” she admitted. It was like someone slugged me with a bag of bricks. No way! “Does that mean…you like me too?” I tested. “Yes, of course. Who wouldn’t like Peter Pan?” she giggled. I smiled in absolute relief and bliss. Yes, yes, yes! This is the best. I took in my surroundings, forgetting for a second why I was here. I immediately snapped back into focus, grasping the situation at hand.

“Y/N, I need you tell me where you are right now. I’m coming to get you.” I instructed sternly. I was already getting up, dusting my legs off and moving my phone to my right ear. “We’re by that creepy warehouse that’s by the school, you know the one right?” she asked nervously. My eyes lit up, I knew exactly where that is. “Yes, I’ll be right there. Just hang tight and I’ll be th—”

“Peter, when Duncan picked me up from my house, his eyes were kind of red so I asked if he was smoking weed or something and he…pulled a gun out of his glove compartment…a-and when we got here, all of his friends were either drunk or stoned out of their minds. Duncan kept talking about killing someone slowly and he…he wouldn’t put the gun away. He kept waving it in my face, basically threatening me. I’m so scared. I can’t leave or anything, there are people everywhere. Please, cal the cops and get here quickly before somethi—”

“Talking to your little Peter now, are yah? You might as well say buh bye to your little lover boy, bitch!” 

Duncan. 

“Don’t touch her! Don’t you dare hurt her! I’ll kill you! I won’t hold back, I’ll kill you!” I growled into the phone, almost scaring myself at the words that came out of my mouth. The last thing I heard was Y/N’s ear piercing, horrific scream and the line went dead.

I didn’t waste a second; I soared through the sky, hanging tightly onto the webs. My skin was cold, my eyes glossy, my heart pounding out of my chest. What did he do to her? Why did she scream? I’ll kill him, I swear. If he touches one hair on her head, he’s a dead man. I briskly shook the thought of ending his life out of my head. As much as I wanted to hurt him, I could never kill someone. I’m only a kid, but he had Y/N. I wouldn’t kill him, no. I’m a hero, I save people, I kick asses of villains and this guy was gonna get the worst beating of his life.

I thrusted my body in the air, the overwhelming amount of wind being thrown in my face and punching me in the gut was almost too much to bear but I eventually made it, landing on top of the roof. I quickly ducked behind an old air vent when I saw some of Duncan’s “friends” walk not too far from me. When the coast was clear, I leaped into action. I sprinted towards the doors on the roof, sure in my mind that they would lead to the root of the building and eventually to Y/N. I dug my phone out of my pocket and punched in Ned’s number. 

“Hel—”

“Ned! I need you to call the cops and tell them to come to the old warehouse by Midtown as soon as possible. That’s where Y/N, Duncan and all of his friends are! I’ll call you when this is over but just call the cops now!” Without giving Ned a chance to answer, I hung up, slipping the device back in my pocket. I turned back to the doors and braced myself for the outcome of all of this, only wanting Y/N to be okay and get out of here alive. 

I quickly found my way to what seemed to the main area of the building; The stench of garbage and fuel invaded my nostrils. The walls were covered in graffiti and there were cigarette butts everywhere. I did one last check behind me before averting my vision back to the crowd in front of me. I was sure everyone was here, perfect. My eyes trailed over every single crook that was standing on the stained, concrete floor, unaware, only to be met with Y/N, a terrified look plastered on her face. She was sitting down on a couch, Duncan beside her with a different gun from Mr. Delmar’s store, pressed snuggly up against her abdomen.

To my horror, just like the incident in the Deli, a bullet flew past my face, puncturing the big metal drum behind me. My head whipped around to examine the damage until I heard footsteps approaching me. I shot up from my squatting position and stood my ground. “Wow, you really delivered, didn’t you? Coming to save your girl? Well…” Duncan turned and gestured to his henchmen. They all began to slump forwards, coming right for me; Cracking knuckles, punching palms, twirling guns. “You’re gonna have to get through all these tough sons of bitches to get to yours.” he cackled, turning on his heel and walking back towards Y/N. Her eyes were locked onto the bulky lenses of my mask, mentally telling me to be careful. That was it.

Without a warning, one of the henchmen lunged towards me; I dodged quickly and he ran into two of the other crooks. Some of them set their guns but I quickly webbed them up. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to bring a gun to a fist fight?” I taunted, encasing the weapons and webbing them to the ceiling, way out of reach. Eight of them ran towards me at once, all ready to throw punches. I ducked, swung, kicked, dodged, flipped, webbed, swung, taunted, kicked, and webbed; I was satisfied with my little system. Alright, ten down, five more to go. Three of them drew knives from their belts while the other two settled on using their fists. “Really guys? Those tiny plastic forks you’ve got are no match for my…” I blasted three of them in the face, skewing their vision heavily. They walked aimlessly around, bumping into each other. My Spidey sense tingled, the two others were right behind me. I quickly flipped in the air, grabbing ahold of the top of their heads and smashing them together, knocking them out cold. The rest of them that weren’t trapped anywhere were webbed down to the closest surface. I looked around, admiring my work until something blunt came and hit the back of my head, juggling my brain and I’m pretty sure, giving me a minor concussion.

I collapsed, the aches from my last encounter with a hard floor still fresh and not the least bit healed. I raised my head to see Duncan standing over me with a rotting plank of wood. He threw it to the side carelessly, before coming up and booting me in the stomach. I hunched forward and shrieked in sizzling pain. 

“Well, this is it, you idiot. Why would you waste time trying to save that little slut, huh? She doesn’t think I know that she used me. Man, you have a bad taste in woman. Unfortunately for her…” he trailed off, raising his gun, pointing it directly to my head. “…nothing slips past me.” 

BANG! 

I had my eyes squeezed shut, only to hear something fall to the floor in a loud thud. I slowly opened my eyes to drink in my surroundings. Y/N stood before me, hovering over Duncan’s now unconscious body. She held a plank in her hands, identical to the one Duncan used on me. Y/N dropped to her knees, letting go of the wood, tears running wildly down her face but smiling. “Peter! You did it! You saved me!” She pulled me into her, being mindful of my head. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you, Peter. I swear I do and I’m so, so sorry I did something as stupid as try to make you jealous. Duncan isn’t worth jack shit. You’re nothing like him, you’re perfect.” she concluded.

“Hey, look at me.” I whispered before pushing her away a little but still holding my grip on her arms. “You’re safe. Everything is gonna be okay. I’m here, Y/N. You’ll never have to see him again, not after today. I love you, I’m here. I love you, Y/N. I’ll never let anything happen to you.” I pulled her back into me and rocked her back and forth. After about a minute, Y/N pulled away from me and tugged my mask off, and she wasted no time in pressing her lips against mine. I was on cloud nine; She was so sweet. The feel of her soft, plump lips was something I could definitely not part with, ever. “C’mon, beautiful. Let’s get you home.” I said, tucking her into my side, her arms instinctively wrapping around my torso as we both stood up.

I quickly webbed Duncan up to a metal beam in the middle of the room, he was not waking up any time soon. Y/N and I limped out of the building and back onto the roof. She kissed me one last time before handing me back my mask. I slipped it over my face, before snaking my right arm around her waist. She took hold of my sides, locking her arms into place as I hopped off the edge of the warehouse. We swung swiftly through the air. Y/N’s grip on me had my heart racing, I’ve never felt so high. Knowing now that she had feelings for me from the very start made me feel the upmost happiness I’ve ever felt. I loved her and she loved me, it was perfect. With her, I felt at home; She was my home. 

A while later, our feet came in contact with the Earth again. A hero never breaks his promises. “Where are we?” Y/N squeaked. “I had to make a pit stop.” I replied as I knocked on the door, placed the bag on the step before scooping Y/N back up and swinging into the night. 

Mr. Delmar opened the door, confusion twisting up his features. He stuck his head out of the door frame and looked around; No one was in eye sight. He took a step out, his feet colliding with something soft. He dropped his head down and was taken aback when he saw a duffel bag with a note attached to it. Hesitantly, Mr. Delmar kneeled and slid the zipper down, his eyes meeting with the sight of the money that was stolen from him earlier that day. He smiled brightly, bursting with happiness and thankfulness. Mr. Delmar picked up the note that had fallen onto the pavement and read out loud:

“I promised I’d bring back your money, didn’t I? There’s an extra thirty in there for the Halloween mask, the snacks, the bug spray and the busted jug of milk. You will be hearing from Tony Stark soon in regards to fixing up the condition of your store. Thanks for the great sandwiches.

Courtesy of your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man”

this is not my best writing and i’m really sorry about that. i’ve been having some major writers block lately but i really wanted to get these requests filled. it’s going on 2am right now, i hope you all like this one :)

[imagination-of-a-melted-bitch]

Deep Down...You Know What You Are {Kwon Jiyong} ~Naughty November~

Prompt:  #32 for GD? (You're doing great sweetie)

Pairing: Jiyong x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warning: teacher!au, face fucking, 

Requests Open || Smut Game 1 || Smut Game 2 || Smut Game 3 || Smut Game 4 || Smut Game 5 || BTS Masterlist || GOT7 Masterlist || Monsta X Masterlist

"I know, deep down," Jiyong growls, his thumb and his index finger roughly gripping your chin, turning your head side to side, looking down his nose at you. You whimper at his touch, hands coming up to wrap around his wrist. "...you’re a filthy little slut..." He lets go of your chin, shoving you to your knees. He pulls his belt through the buckle, and pulls it through the loops, throwing it over your shoulder.  You just stare up at him, hands submissively at your sides, your tongue eager to taste his cock. Jiyong pops the button of his slacks and shoves them down his legs, kicking them off. You whimper at the sight of his cock straining against the constricting briefs. "...who likes to take cock deep down her throat." You nod your head, eyes trained on his bulge, so excited to feel his heavy cock on your tongue. "You sit there at your desk, and you undress me with your eyes." He clicks his tongue, shaking his head. "You know you've failed your last three tests because you can't pay attention in class..." He grabs the back of your head and moves you closer to his bulge, rubbing your cheek against the heated flesh. "I hear you and your friends-" He hisses, pushing you away from him. "I hear you talk about how much you want me," He nods for you to pull his briefs down. You hook your bands in his briefs and pull them down his legs. You have to jump back, his length almost hitting you in the face.

"You're big Mr.Kwon." You giggle excitedly, wrapping a hand around the heated flesh. Jiyong moans at the sight of your small hand wrapped around his cock. "You're leaking," You lap at his slit, and he grips the edge of the desk he was leaning against.

"I want you to swallow my cock baby, do you think you can swallow my cock?" You shrug, pouting your swollen lips.

"It's so big Mr.Kwon, it's going to be hard." You tell him truthfully, looking up at him, through your lashes, your hand stroking his cock.

"Can you try baby? Try just for me?" You nod your head, lapping at his slit again, squeezing your thighs closed at the sudden throbbing in your core. "Hmm," He moans, "You're such a good girl for Mr.Kwon, such a good girl..." He hums, lifting his shirt to help get a better view of you working his cock. You press your left hand to his navel, wrapping your lips around his aching tip. "I guess we're both not completely innocent," He groans as your circle your tongue around the head of his cock. "I mean, those damn uniform skirts, all I want to do is bend you over my desk and fuck the shit out of you." He barks, bucking his hips up into your mouth when you begin to lightly suck on the tip of his cock. The tip of his cock hits the back of your throat, and you gag away him, pulling away from him quickly, tears pricking the corners of your eyes.  "I'm sorry baby, I just-I lost control for a second there," He ticks his head to the side, watching you wipe the tears from under your eyes.

"It's okay. I wasn't ready that's all, as I said," You run his thumb over the head of his cock, spreading his pre-cum over the heated skin. "You're huge, lengthwise and girth wise." You wrap your lips around him again, pinning his hips against the desk.

"I get it, I get it, I'll try not to buck my hips too much,  I promise." He gives you a toothy smile, trying to uphold his composure until you started to move down his cock, you stop halfway and pull back, running your tongue against the underside of his cock. His eyes roll to the back of his head as he watches you swallow half his cock, slurping as you pushed yourself further down his cock. You close your eyes, trying your best not to gag. "No, no,  I want you to gag, I want to hear you gagging around my cock." He brushes your hair out of your face, bringing the hairs back into a makeshift ponytail. He decides to aid you a little and pushes you down his shaft until your nose was pushed against his lower stomach. You choke around him, nails digging into his thighs as tears pricked the corners of your eyes again, "That's it if you could see the way you look right now. You're skirt hiked up around his waist, your blouse ripped down the middle, your lipstick smeared, mouth full of my cock. Those tears, those tears god, just knowing they're there because you're choking on my cock, I could cum right here, right now." He pulls you off of his cock, watching you with a blank expression as you gasped for air. His cock is soaked with your spit. He grabs your cock and taps your lips with his tip, the tears that gathered in your eyes were now rolling down your cheeks. They were murky, mixing with your eyeliner. "I'm close," He shrugs and pushes you back down his cock. He uses his tight grip on the back of your head, moving you up and down his cock. You hold onto his thighs for dear thigh, nails digging deeper into the tense muscle. You let your tongue run along the underside of his cock, your throat clenching around his cock. "Unf!" He whimpers, sending shocks to your core once again, you can't help but slip a hand in-between your thighs, rolling your clit with your thumb and index finger. You slide the two fingers down your slit, pushing the two fingers into your slick entrance, curling them against your g-spot, grinding your palm against your clit. Jiyong notices and smiles. "Does being on your knees, sucking your teacher's cock turn you on?" You moan around him. curling your fingers against your rough patch of nerves, thighs quivering at the feeling. "Where do you want my cum baby? On your tits? Maybe a facial? Maybe in your mouth?" You hum around him again, knowing that's what you wanted, clenching your thighs around your hand, adding a third finger to your core. Jiyong pulls away and not a second later his cum is spilling your mouth. You swallow every drop, smiling up at him, it was a hazy smile, looked like you were doped up on all the happy drugs.

"Fuck." You moan, fucking yourself against your hand. "I'm going to cum," You lean back on your palm, staring up at Jiyong as you push yourself closer to your orgasm. Jiyong watches you with hooded eyes, recovering from his orgasm as he watches you reach yours. "I'm so fucking wet Mr.Kwon, just from sucking your cock." You moan, rolling your eyes to the back of your head, your thighs trapping your hand in-between them, body convulsing as you came. "Oh god, yes! Yes." You reach forward, fingers gripping the desk, head resting on his thigh.

"Hmm, you look so good, cumming around your fingers, getting so wet from just sucking my dick." He smiles and holds his hand out, you pull your hand from in-between your leg, holding up the glistening digits, giving it to him. "Stand up," You stand up, feeling lightheaded as you had stood up too fast and still dazed by your orgasm. Jiyong grabs your palm, and sucks on your index finger, moaning at the taste. He lets it go with a lewd pop and sucks on the second on. He moves to grab your wrist, licking your juices from your palm. "As much as I would love to bury my face in-between those thighs, I have a class coming in about two minutes." He glances at the clock and hands you a box of tissues. "Get yourself together, hurry to your next class..." He pulls his briefs back on and his slacks, you pick up his belt, tossing it to him. He fixes himself and walks around the desk, sitting down in his chair. He watches you with dark eyes, upset about the seconds that were ticking away. "I wish I had more time...there are so many things I want to do to you...you have no clue." He checks his watch on his wrist, you had thirty seconds left. "I'll see you after school." He smirks and you submissively nod, fixing your blouse and fixing your skirt. You pick up your bookbag, "I want you here, at exactly three, I do not want to waste a second." He bites his lip, motioning for you to leave the room just as the bell rings. You hurry out the room and students file into his classroom. "Good morning class!"

[labgrownsteaks]

Chapter 7

“Ha what were you guys on!?” Guy blurted out as he stuffed his mouth with some fries. We were at The Drumstick, a local diner that was open 24/7. Erin and I loved going there and getting fries and chocolate shakes. Guy was a bit skeptical. I knew this was the response we would get, yet it was still kind of annoying even our best friend didn’t believe us. 

“So this beaver. Why was just standing there”  he continued with a chuckle. 

Erin was laughing too, which didn’t really help our case either. He didn’t even know about the sheet of acid on my table back at the garage. 

“We totally saw a monster!” She was giggling, and had been trying to consume a fry for the better part of five minutes now. But she couldn’t stop talking, or giggling so it just stayed in her fingers like a cigarette. 

“So Vitamin, what you think this thing was? I’m sure you have a rational explanation for it?!” Guy said smiling. 

Erin piped up. “He totally did! He thought it was mass hysteria, something to do with aliens!” 

I interjected “I entertained that as a possibility.”

“Man you are the most logical psychonaut I’ve ever met. Your brain is like proof that psychedelics don’t rot your brain. They made you even more logical. It’s crazy! Tell me this. Have you ever got high and just watched the Gummi Bears or something?”

Erin couldn’t resist “Vitamin actually has the worst taste in movies of anyone I’ve ever known!” It was true. I had the worst taste in film on the planet, which actually meant I thought I had some of the best taste. 

I had to defend myself “It’s because all the films now are all made by committee. It’s like Aquaman. Who the hell made that?! Who wrote it? Nobody. A committee and some AI spit out a script, and they cast it with beautiful people and made its returns. That’s not how films were in the 80s!”

“I can tell you’re pretty passionate about something at least” Guy said. 

“what’s that movie you watch all the time?” Erin asked me.

“Ninja III The Domination” I said with a sigh. 

“What the fuck is that shit?!” Guy said with a burp. 

I wasted no time. “It’s about a girl, who’s a lineworker, and also an aerobics instructor, she’s working the lines one day” 

“Working the lines. what’s that?” Guy asked

“Working the telephone lines!” I responded somewhat annoyed

“Oh I thought maybe that was aerobics thing. Working the lines” Guy said

“Bruh, ok. So she’s a lineworker, and she’s sees this ninja while she’s working the lines. He’s got a sword, and he gives her the sword before he vanishes. He was killing cops”

“Sounds riveting” guy said with a fake english accent. 

I got back on track. “She gets the sword, and takes it to her place. But the sword possesses her and makes her start killing cops, but she’s also dating a cop. I hate his character and I recut the film without him. Anyway.”

“I think I got the basics. Sounds dope...” Guy said somewhat sarcastically. He sloshed a fry around in his chocolate shake before gobbling it up and then stating. 

“So, let me get this right. You watch goofy as movies with construction workers who get posessed by dead ninja cop killers and..”

“She’s a lineworker” I said. 

“Ok, yeah. so you watch these goofy ass films. You take enough psychedelics to make the pope weep. Yet, when you’re completely sober, with your friend, you see a fucking walking beaver wolf demon. And you try to approach it in a logical manner?”

The question actually kind of threw me. I knew how to process weird things, and feelings, and dreams that became reality. And impossible synchronicities. I once thought my head had turned into a gear and part of a giant orange machine in the wall. But when I was sober, and saw this. I simply couldn’t process it. 

“I don’t know man. I did see something, and it was weird. I’ll give you that”

“It was weird” Erin said “That should be your quote ““It was weird”” I can imagine it under your picture in the paper in a story about this. Let me get it down to the Chisuwick Tribune I’m sure they’ll get right on the story!”

We all laughed together, and I knew it was all in good fun. We slurped up the rest of our shakes and ate even the little bits of fries. 

“Hey Guy, wanna trip with us this weekend? I got some acid.” 

“Damn, where’d you get that?” Guy responded.

“Oh, just a girl..” I said, feeling kind of bad I was lying, but I couldn’t let the whole world know I had a drug printing machine. 

“A girl?” Guy said Where’d you meet this girl?”

“In the library.” I continued

“How do you meet a girl in the library?!” Guy inquired. 

“She just came up to me.” I said. Erin was looking at me smiling with pure delight. 

“Why?!” Guy stated

“I had paint on my jeans and she wanted to know how to use the dewey decimal system. She had a big floppy hat on, looked like somebody who go to Burning Bush” 

“lawl, what’s that got to do with paint on your jeans” Guy asked in disbelief. 

“She...uh..She saw I was a painter, and she liked art, so she wanted to know where the art books were but couldn’t figure out the dewey decimal system”

“And then she gave you acid” Guy said

“Yes” I said with a smile.

“Ok, that definitely never happened. It’s cool, I’m square I get it, I don’t need to know your sources” Guy continued on. “By the way, I got the check” Guy always got the check. One day we were gonna pay him back, when we finally got rich. We walked out of Denny’s and jumped into his 89 Chevette, which was packed full of old Computer textbooks from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Erin and I sat in back together because the front was piled full of crap he had bought at 2nd hand shops. In additional to collecting old computer textbooks, he also collected antiquated technology. Laserdiscs,8 tracks, reel to reel tape machines, you name it. He probably had one. His  dream was to open a vintage computer museum and educate people about the benefits of dot matrix printers and CRT monitors. We paged through one of his books and looked at all the funny pictures of Leave it to Beaver moms sitting next to computers. So odd that in the beginning computers were seen as a woman thing. Something for secretaries to use. Now look where its got us. Staring at screens instead of the world in front of us. Which is just begging to be looked at. Ever since the VR headsets came out in conjunction with Lawnmower Man it was all downhill. People were all in their headsets now with their virtual trainers paying 50 bucks for a 30 minute lesson when they could just run around the river, or hop on a bike. These women sitting next to these computers had no idea of the monsters they were unleashing. They thought the computers were just going to listen to their fingers, and type what they wanted them to type. They had no idea, that the computers would tell us what to do. 

[thekaeb3412-blog]

The Story of How I Fell In Love With Unwritten History

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met . 

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side . 

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t . 

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending . 

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace . 

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock . 

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling eachother out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our friend Ladaya , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack . 

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

 We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete faliure in the relationship . 

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept amking promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I desrved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal . 

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health . 

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . 

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Boundaries, part 5

Steve Rogers x Plus Size!Reader

Characters: Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Bucky Barnes

A/N: More Sam in this one.

Summary: You just finished a two year long photojournalist stint overseas and decide to take a break from traveling. So you head back to your home town and lucky enough, your childhood friend Sam Wilson has a few rooms to rent out. So you head back to California and are met with a surprise, a very handsome surprise.

His name is Steve Rogers and he’s a shy guy from Brooklyn, New York. Dragged across the country by his best friend, Bucky Barnes - he hopes to start a new life after a pretty bad break up with his long time girlfriend, Sharon Carter.

Can the of four of maneuver the art of living together? Or will boundaries be crossed?

Masterlist

The toast popped up and you flipped the two eggs over in the pan, letting them  cook as you grabbed the bread from the toaster, tossing it onto a plate. Summer had come and nearly was gone, it had been nearly two months now and living with your roommates had become easy. The four of you meshed so well, it was ridiculous. Flowing through life, things were settled and you hadn’t felt this domestic in so long. You hummed along to the music coming from the blue tooth speaker, swaying back and forth as you took the eggs and set them on the plate, next to the toast.

“Maybe you'll wanna give me kisses sweet. But only for one night with no repeat. And maybe you'll go away and never call, darling. And a taste of honey is worse than none at all,” you sang cracking two more eggs over the pan, not noticing the figure in the doorway.

Sam watched as you waved the spatula in the air and grinned as he snuck up behind you, grabbed you by the waist and turned you around. You yelped and laughed as Sam started dancing with you, taking the spatula and proceeding to steal your thunder - as per usual.

“Oh, but if you feel like lovin’ me. If you got the notion, I second that emotion.”

Sam’s voice was smooth and annoyingly good and it felt like home. The two of you had grown up together, meeting while still in the wombs of your mothers - at least that’s what they liked to say. Your families had known each other for years, starting in high school. It was such a wild blind date story that brought the four of them together and kept them glued to each other’s sides well into adulthood. And when your mother died when you were 8 years old, the Wilsons helped your pops and had a hand in raising you. Then when Sam’s dad died, when he was 15 - it had bonded the two families into one. Eventually, your dad remarried and  moved up to Seattle with your stepmom, Rosa - who was the one that had gotten you into photography. It was right after high school and you had applied to art school locally and Darlene had invited you to live with them. So you had became a full fledge Wilson and dancing with Sam in the same kitchen the two of you use to sneak snacks in, it felt nostalgically perfect.

“Always have to show me up, jerk,” you pushed him away as the song ended and retreated back to egg watch.

“Come on, you put Smokey on,” he argued back with a grin. “You can’t put my boy on and not expect me to take over.”

You laughed and shook you head, ordering him to put more bread in the toaster. Sam rolled his eyes, but did what he was told, groaning when the next song came on. He tried to hold back the slightest of smiles as your eyes widen and you held up a hand into his chest.

“Stop in the name of love!”

“No,” he pleaded.

“Baby, baby I’m aware of where you go..”

Your smile was infectious as you pushed the spatula into his chest and started dancing around him, sliding a hand across his back until he cracked and joined you. It was Darlene’s favorite and the three of you would dance around as you helped with dinner, although Sam refused to admit it.

“See, I told you Steve, we have to get up extra earlier for the concert.”

Bucky’s voice hollered over the music and Sam groaned, moving quickly to turn down the music. You grinned and motioned for the two men to come join the kitchen island acapella group.

“I made you pricks some breakfast - well, Steve you’re not a prick,” you winked at him and he smiled. “Also, coffee is ready. Sam take out the creamer.”

Sam muttered under his breath about you not being the boss or whatever, but you ignored him and placed the two over easy eggs onto another plate. You turned off the stove and twirled around to the men with two plates in hand, pushing them in front of Steve and Bucky.

“Jesus, you’re heaven sent,” Bucky moaned as he took a bite of toast. “Listen, let’s just get married and get it over with.”

Steve’s eyes snapped over to Bucky and he chastised his friend, who laughed and patted his back. “Relax, punk. She knows I’m messing around - well, mostly.”

Sam snorted as he placed the creamer down and grabbed his plate, thanking you as he took a seat next to Steve.

“We had this discuss, Barnes,” you retorted, fluffy the scramble eggs on your plate. “We’d have like amazing sex, but the Wiz Coaster, remember?”

Sam’s eyes lit up in amusement and he waved a hand in the air. “Six freaking hot dogs, Buck. Six hot dogs!”

“Shut up.”

“Alright pricks, except you Steve,” you announced. “I hope you are all enjoying this delicious breakfast I made you..”

“She wants something from us,” Sam mumbled.

Steve looked up his coffee and gave you a shy smile. “What is it?”

You glanced over at each of them and gave the sweetest smile you could conjure up.

“I need an assistant for a wedding this Saturday.”

Bucky sighed and sent you a very hot, but empathetic smile. “Sorry babe, I have clients all this weekend.”

“And the VA is hosting a fundraiser that afternoon,” Sam chimed in.

“It’s okay, Bruce is going to do a wedding in Claremont and he wanted me to take the Pasadena one. I’ll manage, I just needed someone to help with the equipment, plus free drinks after.”

“Free drinks?” Bucky groaned and continued to eat his breakfast.

“Yup, usually get a meal and drinks in after the session is over.”

“I can help,” Steve piped up and the three of you looked in his direction. He shifted in the seat and shrugged. “I mean not just for the free drinks, but I’d like to help you. Plus, I don’t have any clients this weekend at the gym, so I’m free.”

A smile crept over your face and you subconsciously bit down on your lip. Bucky smirked and you caught his eye, immediately clearing your throat and thanking Steve.

“I promise, I’m a good boss.”

He laughed and pursed his lips. “I’m sure you are.”

Sam leaned back into his seat and shot Bucky a glare, who shrugged with a chuckle. You noted the interaction and rolled your eyes.

“Anyway, eat up boys. I have to go to the studio to do some touch ups. Dinner’s on you guys.”

You walked into the house and immediately smelled bbq. Setting your bag down on the couch, you took out your camera and followed the smell out to the back porch. Steve, Sam and Bucky stood around the grill, nursing cold beers. Bringing the camera up to your eye, you focused on the men and snapped a few photos, grabbing Bucky’s attention.

“Honey’s home,” he grinned, bending down to fish out a cold beer from the ice chest in front of him.

“Men,” you muttered as you walked down the stairs to them.

“How was work?”

You looked at Steve and smiled. “Good, pretty quiet.”

Bucky handed over the open beer and you gladly took it, chugging it down in record time. Steve watched with amusement as he flipped a few burgers.

“It’s so hot,” you complained pulling at your blouse. “I’m gonna go change.”

The three men watched as you headed inside and Bucky glanced over to Steve, who had a small simper on his face.

“He has it bad, Wilson.”

“He sure does,” Sam teased. “But you can’t handle that.”

Steve tensed up and eyed both men, slowly shaking his head. “You guys don’t know-”

“- oh, we know,” Bucky retorted before looking to Sam. “I don’t know man, he might be able to handle her.”

“Nah, she’s too wild for him.”

“She’s not..” Steve started to argue, but Bucky grinned.

“We’re fucking with you, punk. Listen, you want some advice?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No,” Sam responded taking the grill spatula from Steve so he could man the hamburgers.

Buck’s face grew serious and he shrugged. “Sharon was great, I loved Sharon.”

“Y/N’s not like her,” Steve stated eyeing the porch sliding door.

“Can’t really compare the two, isn’t fair,” Sam replied pointing the spatula at the blond.

“Sam’s right, the two of them are just different. Not better than the other, just different. And maybe Sharon was right for you then, but now? You gotta broaden your horizons man or you’re gonna miss out on-”

“- alright, dopes, can we eat now?”  

You hollered from the door and grinned at the three men. You stood there wearing jean shorts and a Wonder Woman tee. Steve’s throat dried and his cheeks heated with embarrassment, hoping you hadn’t heard a word, but by the way you carried yourself to them, grabbing Buck’s beer with a grin - Steve was sure you hadn’t.

“So, Buck, we still going on that hike tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah, doll.”

“You guys are going hiking?”

Steve’s eyes lit up with excitement and you laughed, bringing a hand to his shoulder. “Fine, Steve, you can come too. Sam, you’re not invited.”

“Whatever, I have to work anyway.” He rolled his eyes and started moving the burgers off the grill.

Steve chuckled and his blue eyes laid on you. Something inside him burst as you met his gaze and your eyes soften as your hand slipped away from his shoulder.

“I’d loved to go.”

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[madsrocketship]

“Lovett or Leave It” transcript for episode airing 8/26/2017 titled “Look What You Made Him Do”

Lovett: So, some other stuff happened this week. Alright. Some of it less dire and world historic but no less interesting and important I suppose. Guys, give it up for Ira Madison. He is a writer for The Daily Beast and Ira is gonna help us break down a little bit of news this week about someone who loves to trash their exes, blame the media, and never take accountability, who is constantly saying that other people are treating them unfairly and who has made a little bit of a career out of attacking their black competition: Taylor Swift. 

Madison: You loved that joke. 

Lovett: You know, that’s unfair. I thought it was OK but I never found the exact right way to say it without feeling uncomfortable as I did it and I don’t think I ever landed on it but I’m gonna leave it in. I’m gonna let people see how it all comes together. Ira, what do we think of Taylor this week? What do we think of this song? What do we think of Reputation?

Madison: Well let me tell you, Breitbart loves it. (audience “whoas”) Did you not see that?

Lovett: No?

Madison: Breitbart today all of their news stories, they tweeted the lyrics to Taylor’s song. Instead of like writing what the story was, all day they tweeted her lyrics. 

Lovett: What does it mean?

Madison: She’s white and blonde? And they love her. And she didn’t say who she voted for. 

Lovett: Am I crazy to say that there is something a little Trump like about an album cover that is just her name in headlines re appropriating the snake, which of course was something she was called for lying visa via her-one of her many feuds? You’re up on it.

Madison: Yeah, no it was...it was certainly weird to be like “this is the time for me to call the media fake. (laughs) Like this political climate is perfectly the time for me to lash out at the media for writing about me and my fake relationship with Tom Hiddleston. (audience “whoas”)

Lovett: Wait, what?!?!

Madison: Being carried out of your apartment in a box, maybe?

Lovett: Everything you’re saying to me is new. (audience and Madison laugh) There was a box?

Madison: Allegedly, she was hiding in a box that was carried out of her apartment building. 

Lovett: Why?!?!

Madison: She wanted people to think she was in it.

Lovett: There’s some FURY in the front row.

Madison: I mean, this is the same woman who like walked her cat on a leash in New York just so like the paparazzi-

Wetterlund: That’s not a crime!

Madison:-to take photos

Watkins: That’s dope. (Madison laughs)

Lovett: Now Ira, I also want to say something else. I love this song. (audience “ohs”) And we played it at Crooked Media HQ today and Elise and I were really enjoying it and Elijah did...not comment. (audience laughs)

Madison: You know...it’s not bad.

Lovett: It’s not bad!

Madison: It’s not bad.

Lovett: It’s kind of nice. 

Madison: Well you know it samples Right Said Friend and Peaches. So-

Lovett: Which is great! 

Madison: Ha, yeah (laughs) which is funny because that Peaches song is in “Mean Girls”.

Lovett: I’m sorry, hold on one second. You’re very animated (Madison laughs as Lovett turns to audience) and you’re wearing “a friend of the pod”. You seem to have so many opinions from the front row and no microphone-

Madison: Let it out honey, put it in the book! (audience laughs)

Lovett: You can go...Are you ready? He said put it in the book. Just say what you want to say about the song, about this album, where is your head at? You are shaking your head. You have ten seconds.

Audience Member: She’s just a victim. She’s not- (someone in the audience shouts “what?!?!”) She’s just...She just needs to stop. 

Lovett: Hold on, hold on. (audience is clapping). 

Audience member: I wasn’t sure where this was going but she’s not a victim. She’s a horrible nightmare.

Lovett: Oh man! Hold on.

Watkins: I don’t know. She sued a guy

Lovett: This is the most animated the house has EVER gotten. Now hold on a second and listen. Listen, this is a show, this is about, this company is about a noble conversation about Taylor Swift. Is there someone here on the other side of this argument who is very pro Taylor?

Watkins: I would like to say something as a middle aged woman- (audeince laughs) 

Audience Member: I don’t mean she’s a victim, I mean she PLAYS the victim and she’s not. 

Lovett: OK! (audience shouts “yes!) Michaela? 

Watkins: As a woman who doesn’t give two shits about pop culture I only know about her lawsuit, right? Where she sued a guy for a buck-counter sued him for sexual harassment (audience claps) That’s kind of badass.

Lovett: That WAS badass. That was really badass. (turns to audeince) Are YOU on Taylor’s side? I need somebody who is going to defend Taylor. Come up, we’re just doing this. The news is-you’re gonna come up and then you. The person who said they would support Taylor come on, come on, come on. I don’t know if this is gonna edit well. (everyone laughs) Now you’re just standing on the stage with your own microphone. I don’t know even how the hell you pulled that off. (everyone laughs)

Audience Member 2: Lovett, I am fucking coming for you. I’ll tell you what. Here’s the thing, we can acknowledge that she took a suite to get justice for the fact that she was sexually assaulted. However, she is super problematic. She plays the victim especially when it comes to men of color. So you can acknowledge the good that she did with the suite while also acknowledging that she is hella problematic. (audience claps)

Wetterlund: She didn’t file a suite against him, by the way. The guy was suing her. 

Madison: And she counter sued. 

Wetterlund: It was a counter suite?

Lovett: Either way, badass. What was your name? Cause I just want you on the record. 

Audience Member 2: I’m Haley!

Lovett: Her name is Haley and she crushed it. 

Wetterlund: That’s right, that’s Haley. 

Madison: Here’s the thing-

Lovett: I’m so glad we did this. 

Madison: I can admit that I really enjoyed that time Trump fired four people on The Apprentice. It was good TV. I will watch that episode three times. (audience laughs) Now I know he’s evil. But you can still acknowledge that he made good TV. I think that if Taylor had come out with, you know, this powerful song about what had happened to her people would receive it differently. But the lyrics are very much directed at Kanye again and last year she literally instagrammed that she wanted to be excluded from that narrative and then she ignored it. Yeah, that’s victimizing herself. 

Wetterlund: It’s like Taylor, stop appealing to your base. (audience laughs)

Madison: And that’s the thing, that’s the other thing about her. She went on this whole feminist power tour for “1989″  where she brought every single woman in media onto her stage-

Wetterlund: Every skinny model woman.

Madison: -women on her stage at her concerts. The people who are in her squad. She brought Harriet Tubman up. (audience laughs) She was very supportive of women. 

Lovett: Whose most recent last album was lackluster. (audience gasps)

Madison: (laughs) She’s [Harriet Tubman] doing a lot of good work and people should know about it.

Lovett: You know I love-don’t-you were OK. We’re OK. Guys, I want you to know something, I can understand why Taylor brings out this level of emotion from people. It is fascinating. Something to dive into. But I think it connects back to the way Hillary Clinton was treated in the election. Oh...NOW you’re uncomfortable. (audience laughs)

Madison: Does it?

Lovett: A little bit, a little bit. 

Madison: It’s partly because she rode this feminist wave and then she remained largely silent during the election about Donald Trump. As someone who feels so strongly about sexual assault didn’t speak out against a president who bragged about it. And it’s because she knows that a lot of her base are...Breitbart LOVES her! KKK, white people, watching “Dukes of Hazard”, Duck Dynasty, Ina Garten (audience laughs) You know, I love her [Ina Garten]. So sorry, I’m sorry. But like “Barefoot Contessa.” You know, I just can’t tell these white women apart. (audience laughs) She ignored all of that and now she’s just sort of basking in not doing anything.

Wetterlund: It’s pop feminism, right?

Madison: Yeah!

Wetterlund: That’s what pop feminism is. 

Madison: But every other pop feminist said “fuck Donald Trump. Go out and vote.” I mean, Katy Perry gets more people to come to a Hillary Clinton rally than get people to come to her own concerts. (audience laughs)

Lovett: I’m not gonna have that. I’m not gonna have that on my stage. I will not have that kind of talk on this stage. (audience laughs)

Wetterlund: Miley Cyrus was out there too and her dad is Billy Ray Cyrus like there is no reason for Miley Cyrus to be campaigning for Hillary Clinton but she was out there like “I’m high!” or whatever she was doing. (audience laughs)

Lovett: I think I want to rap this up simply by saying that Trump came in like a wrecking ball (everyone laughs) but all he did was wreeeee eeeeck us.

Madison: Do you know the lyrics? (audience laughs)

Wetterlund: And all he did was build a wall. (Madison laughs while audeince “ohs”)

Lovett: Listen, we can disagree about a lot of things, but “Wrecking Ball” is one of the best pop songs of the decade. (audience laughs and claps)

[moreinfinite]

Intertwined - (Bucky x Reader)

A/N- I wrote this for @bionic-buckyb​ who is having an AU writing challenge celebrating 5k followers and this is my submission! Congrats again Kait and I hope you like the fic! Also inspired by the song Intertwined by Dodie, definitely check it out the music video is dope AF!

Prompt- “Just because I don’t physically show you that you hurt me, doesn’t mean you didn’t.”

Words- 1.9k

Warnings- Swearing, and I mean A LOT of swearing, angst but do you guys honestly expect anything different from me at his point. ALSO EVERYTHING IN ITALICS IS A FLASHBACK it will make sense when you read it.

It took everything I had in me to not hit snooze one last time on my alarm clock. These early morning training sessions with Steve had been killing me, the man had motivation that was certain. I pulled myself out of bed and made my way to the bathroom sink. I let out a heavy sigh before splashing some water in my face, a desperate attempt to wake myself up. I pulled my hair back into a braid and changed into a sports bra and a pair of overly worn out black leggings, and fuck I’m late.

I hustled downstairs to the gym, finding an angry Steve impatiently tapping his foot outside of one of the training rooms.

I sighed as I walked past him, “I know, I know 100 push-ups.” I found my way to the mat and started.

“You know if you actually showed up on time you wouldn’t have to do them every morning.” He stood over me counting in his head.

Steve helped me up as a finished. “Well maybe I just like doing push ups. Ever think about that Rogers?”

“You’re an idiot (Y/N).” He rolled his eyes at me while trying to hide a smile.

“Yes Steven, but I am your idiot.” I patted him on the shoulder sarcastically. “Now let’s finish training so we can get some grub.”

An hour of excruciating combat training later, I practically dragged Steve up to the kitchen with me. If he was going to torture me with early morning training the least he could do is make me some damn pancakes.

I had just finished helping Steve make the batter when a tall strawberry blonde walked into the kitchen wearing only a baggy t-shirt, Bucky’s t-shirt. Every part of me felt like it was on fire, and it was obvious because I looked over at Steve as he tried so desperately to try and hide the empathetic look that was spread across his face.

“Do you know where Bucky is? He wasn’t in bed this morning when I woke up.” She squeaked. I avoided eye contact trying to focus on anything else but her.

Steve stepped in, “I think he just left for his morning run, probably won’t be back for awhile. I can call you a cab if you’d like.” He smiled, flipping over his first batch of pancakes.

I heard her say, “Oh.. okay. I can call thanks though.”

I heard some footsteps walking away and figured it was safe to turn back around. My head fell into my hands as I leaned against the counter.

I felt Steve’s hand on my shoulder. “I know he is supposed to be my best friend and all but he is kind of a douche.”

“I know Stevie, that’s what makes it so much harder.”

Months of casual flirting finally led to Bucky making a move. It was game night and everyone had a fair amount to drink, but I offered to stay and clean up while everyone else was headed home. I had just finished clearing all of the empty beer bottles out of the living room when Bucky walked in.

“You need any help?” He smiled walking closer and closer to me.

“Thanks for the offer but I am pretty sure I can handle it.”  I backed up against the wall.

He rubbed the back of his neck, moving in our bodies almost touching. “Oh I have no doubt that you can handle it.” His mouth was inches from mine at this point. “But that wasn’t my question, I asked if YOU needed any help.”

“I don’t know if you would be able to keep up.” I bit my lip looking up at him through my lashes.

He emitted a low growl, “Oh I’m pretty sure I can handle it.”

This led to a 6 month fling, a friends with benefits kind of deal. I was always scared to ask for anything more, and everyone knew that except for Bucky.

A messy mop of brown hair peeked into the kitchen. “Is the coast clear?”

“Yes Buck, she’s gone.” I turned back around the help Steve finish the dishes.

“Do you at least know this one’s name or are you going stick to calling her dollface like you did the last one?” Steve spoke over his shoulder.

“What’s the point? I don’t think I am going to see her after last night away, too clingy.” He grabbed a pancake from the plate on the counter, rolling it up shoving it in his mouth. “Besides I have a new date lined up for tonight anyway, one of Tony’s receptionists I think.”

My eyes literally rolled back into my head so far that I wasn’t quite sure if they would ever come back out.

Buck reached for another pancake but I smacked his hand away before he could take another. “Save some for the others, they are coming for breakfast.” I took the plate and wrapped it up nicely and placed it in the fridge.

Bucky scrunched his face up, “You’re no fun.”

“Well someone around here has to be responsible, and it can’t always be Steve.”

“HEY! I’m fun!” He turned around and leaned against the sink pouting like a two year-old.

I put my hand on his cheek. “Whatever helps you sleep at night Rogers.”

Bucky stood up throwing his hands in the air, “OOOO BURN!”

I walked over to Bucky leaning across the table at him. “You have no room to talk Barnes, you’re about as responsible as a 14 year-old boy. Maybe learn to stop thinking with your penis and use your other head for once.”

I walked out of the kitchen and the last thing I heard was Steve. “OOOOO BURN!”

I smiled to myself as I walked down the hallway, but inside I felt hollow.

I remember that first night Bucky brought home another girl, my heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest. He lived right next from me, I could hear everything that was happening curse those paper thin walls, and the more I listened the more my heart ripped itself to shreds.

By 2am found myself at Steve’s door in tears.

“(Y/N), are you okay?” His faced was confused and his voice sounded tired, I obviously woke him up.

“He brought a girl home. He brought a girl home Steve and I….” I broke down even more, he pulled me into his chest.

He kissed the top of my head and spoke softly “Shhhh shhh, it’s going to be okay. Let’s go inside okay?”

That night I had told Steve everything that had been going on; the months of flirting, the hook ups with Bucky, how I felt. Everything poured out of me like a faucet, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

“(Y/N)... You deserve so much better than him.” He pulled me in for one of his signature Steve bear hugs.

“Aren’t you his best friend? I feel like that’s something best friends wouldn’t say about each other.” I wiggled my way out of his arms and sat on his bed.

“True, and as his best friend I can call him out when he is being a dick. Bucky is a being a massive dick and (Y/N), you don’t deserve that.” He sat down next to me, throwing an arm around my shoulder. “You are the snarky, sarcastic, sweet, caring, pain in my ass that I never asked for and I hate seeing you like this.” He pulled me in a little tighter.

I looked up at him, “Stevie, can I stay here tonight? I can’t go back into my room after all of that.”

“Of course (Y/N), you take my bed and I’ll take the couch.” He smiled down at me reassuringly.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course (Y/N), it’s what friends do.” He kissed my head and walked out.

“Really Buck? Are you fucking serious right now?!” I was honestly seconds from ripping this man’s head off. “You have the audacity to ask me to set you up with my best friend?!”

“What?!” He honestly looked terrified for his life.

“I can put up with you sleeping with half of the women in New York City but there has to be a point where you have to draw a line. You mess with my head for months and then just blow me off for the next thing that comes your way and now you want me to let you hook up with my best friend, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

“What’s wrong with me? What about you? You’re the one who blew me off for Steve, that’s a low fucking blow (Y/N).”

“Steve? Really you’re worried that I’m fucking Steve!? You broke my heart James, and Steve is the whole reason I have gotten through this thing. Just because I never physically show you that you hurt me, doesn’t mean you didn’t.” I stormed off before I could let Bucky get in another word.

About and hour later I heard a knock at the door.

“Steve go away, I told you I’m not in the mood for ice cream.” I shove my face back into my pillow

Bucky peeked his head in, “Hey, it’s me.”

I rolled my eyes in utter disgust, “What the hell do you want?”

He sat himself on the end of my bed. “I’m an idiot.”

“That’s something we can both agree on, now can you please leave?” I huffed trying to get the point across I wanted nothing to do with him.

“(Y/N)... I made a mistake. I thought you moved on from me, picked Steve or something you’re with each other all the time what was I supposed to think?”

I sat up enraged. “You should’ve just fucking asked me before you decided to sleep with everything that moves.”

“I made a drunken mistake and I hurt you, that killed me but thinking you chose Steve instead that was the nail in the coffin for me (Y/N). I’ve been bringing all of those girls home because I was trying to get over you.” I finally looked up at him, tears falling down his cheek.

“Bucky, I…” I moved a little closer to him.

He looked at me, and I mean really looked me for the first time in months. Tears stopped falling and he moved in closer his hands cupping my face. “(Y/N), I love you. I have been too chicken shit to tell you and that ended up backfiring on me and ruining the only chance I had. I have been a huge dick and I don’t blame you if you hate me I just had to tell you that I love…”

Before he could say anything else my lips crashed into his for the first time in ages. In that moment the world stopped and everything that was fucked up in it melted away.

He pulled back to look at me. “What was that for?”

“You have no idea how long I have waited to hear those words.”

He smiled, “Well I’m sorry I took so long.” His arms wrapped around me as he kissed my temple. Two bodies finally intertwined.

@avengedwritings @writingruna @mangosoldier @marvel-ash @luciread @volklana