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elianamarie-blog · 1 year ago

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The Things You Give Part 30

I'M BAAAACCCCKKKKKK!

Hello, my beautiful people. It's been so, so long. I was stuck for a long while on this chapter, but I hope I did it justice. I can't believe that we're already on 30 chapters! I never thought it would go this long. But here we are! As always, enjoy the chapter!

“Do I smell brownies?” Red asked as he entered the kitchen. Kitty was hunched over the counter, cutting up and arranging the freshly baked brownies. He smiled and reached one for one. “Thanks, Kitty.”

“Oh, good, now that you’re in a good mood,” she said and swiped her hands together. “Let’s talk about the baby shower.”

“Oh, come on!” he griped with a mouthful of chocolate. “I just want to eat my brownie in peace. Now, why would you want to ruin that?”

“I don’t think we should make the kids pay for their own baby shower,” his wife continued. “I figured we can pay for the food and decorations.”

“And they can pay for the location?” he asked, taking a bite of the chocolatey goodness.

“No…” Kitty said, trailing off. “We can actually have it he—”

“No!” he boomed, dragging out the vowel. “No parties! No more! Our house is starting to smell like a frat house from all the parties that you like to throw!”

She squinted her eyes at him and placed a fist on her hip. “How would you know what a frat house smells like, Red?”

He cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable, and scrambled for an answer. “Well, I…uh…this isn’t about me! This is about you and wanting to throw a damn party here!”

Kitty opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by the basement door flinging open and stomping.

“Y/n, come on!” Hyde cried out from the stairs, following after his wife.

“Get bent, Steven!” Y/n screeched as she entered into the kitchen, heading towards the sliding door.

“I’m sorry, okay?! What can I do to make it better?” he begged.

“Just leave me alone!”

“What is going on here?” Kitty asked.

“Steven is hiding money from me!” Y/n blurted. “And not just a few bucks—no, a couple thousand!”

“WHAT!” Red and Kitty said unison.

“Y/n!” Steven cried out, rubbing a hand down his face.

“You’re telling me that you can not only afford this damn party by yourself, you can also afford to move out?” Red asked, annoyed.

“Where is this money?” Y/n demanded, placing her hands on her hips. Steven was grateful she diverted the attention back to her instead of having to answer to her angry father. “It can’t be in our bank account because the last time I checked, the money wasn’t in there.”

Steven’s head snapped up. “You’ve been checking my bank account?”

His question took Y/n a bit by surprise. “Our bank account. And yes. I keep track and budget our finances.”

“No, it’s my bank account,” he said, growing irritated. “The money that I make goes in there.”

“Steven, I’m warning you: Don’t. Go. Down. That. Road,” Red said, eyeing his son-in-law. “Trust me, this a trap. Don’t fall for it.”

“What the hell do you mean the money that you make goes in there?” Y/n spit. “Regardless of what’s what, it’s still our money. Now, answer my question!”

“No, no, I’m pumping the brakes on this one,” Steven said. “I make the money by going to my job. I bring home the paycheck by putting it into my bank account. The only thing you do is spend it all!”

Rage flickered in Y/n’s eyes. If Steven didn’t know any better, he swore he was looking right into Death’s stare. “What did you just say to me?”

“I told you not to go down that road,” Red sang-song, mumbling under his breath while he flicked through a newspaper.

“Did I stutter?” Hyde spat with venom.

“Do you realize that if it weren’t for me, we��d have no money at all?” she asked, resisting the urge to wrap her hands around his neck. “We’d have nothing to buy food, or afford our car insurance, or have a savings—but by the sound of it, that’s not even a problem!”

“So, what’s your point?” he asked her.

“That it’s our money!” she yelled. “You may be the one making it, but I’m the one managing it!”

“And the one spending it!” he retaliated.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Oh, he doesn’t mean anything by it,” Kitty said, intervening.

“No, Mom, he does,” Y/n said, not breaking eye contact with her husband. “Tell me, how do I spend it?” She spit while sharply enunciating the last syllables.

"Well, for starters, when you spend it all on unnecessary food."

“Yeah, because I’m pregnant with cravings—next,” she said impatiently.

“When you went out the other night to buy us some dinner and came back with bags of crap that you didn’t need!”

“What crap?” she asked, knitting her eyebrows together. After a second, it clicked and she realized what he was talking about. “Are you talking about the baby clothes I brought home?”

Steven looked down, unknowing about the baby clothes.

Y/n stepped back in absolute disgust and awe. “You really think I’d just piss away the money, don't you?"

“No, that’s not it—” Steven said gently, but was cut off once again.

“Never mind why you’re hiding it from me, even though we will be having that talk later,” she growled. “I wanna know what it’s for. Why do you have a two grand saved up?”

He shook his head, embarrassed.

“Now you won’t tell me the reason?” Y/n asked. “You’re such an ass, man!”

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that—”

“No!” she shouted, tears in her eyes. “You don’t trust me with ‘your’ money, you don’t trust to tell me what it’s even for…what kind of marriage is this if you don’t trust me?”

His hardened gaze barley softened as he stared at his emotional and angry wife. “Fine,” he said after a minute. “I’m putting money away for a house. There, ya happy?”

“A house?” she blinked. “You’re hiding this money from me so we can buy a house. And you felt the need to hide that from me? What the hell, Steven? Did you honestly think I’d be upset about that?”

“No,” he said and inched closer to her. “It’s…complicated.”

“How is it complicated? We’ve known each other for years and you still can’t tell me what you’re feeling?!” she seethed.

“Look, can we have this conversation later when we’re alone? And not when you’re so…pregnant angry?” he asked, actively avoiding his in-laws stares.

“Pregnant angry?” Y/n spat. “What the hell does that even mean?”

“Well, you’re already intense when you’re not pregnant and angry. Now that you’re pregnant—”

“Don’t say it,” Red murmured from the corner of his mouth.

“You’re friggin’ terrifying, man.”

Red sighed. “And he said it.”

“Alright, I’m done,” she said and tried to storm out the kitchen, but in reality looked like an angry waddling pregnant.

“Where you going?” Steven asked her.

“Anywhere you’re not!” She slammed the sliding door shut and stomped off, allowing herself to blow off some steam.

Steven sighed and turned to face Kitty and Red.

“Am I wrong?” he asked them.

“Steven, you’ve only been married for a short time. So, let me guide you through,” Red said, setting down his newspaper.

“What—the ‘Hide-In-The-Garage-To-Avoid-My-Wife Guide?’” Steven snarked.

“You do what?!” Kitty shrieked.

“No,” Red said calmly, smirking. “But I am about to give you the ‘My-Foot-In-Your-Ass Guide.’” Steven went silent and Red took that as his cue to continue. “When you’ve been married for as long as we have, you pick up a few tricks to keep a happy marriage.” He stood up to meet with Steven who was standing at the counter next to Kitty. “Rule number one: Happy wife, happy life. You’re only as happy as your wife. Because if she’s not than she can make your life a living hell.”

“You know, I’d normally be upset and protest, but I agree with this one,” Kitty said and smirked. She eyed Red and grabbed a brownie. “And don’t you forget it, Red Forman.” She walked out the kitchen, swaying her hips.

“Okay, now that she’s gone,” Red continued once the door swung shut. “Rule number two: if you’re going to open up a secret bank account, DON’T tell your wife about it!”

∞∞∞

“I can’t believe it. I just can’t freakin’ believe it,” Y/n fumed as she paced around Donna’s living room. “He has a secret savings account and didn’t tell me because he doesn’t trust me! What the hell!”

“I know,” Donna agreed, shaking her head. As much as she wanted to comfort her friend, she didn’t know what to say in this situation.

“And me out of all people!” she continued. “Me! The one who helped convinced my dad to let him stay with us when he had nowhere to go. Me! The one who pushes him to his best potential. ME! The one who was able to keep our relationship under wraps!”

“Normally, I’d agree with you, but the last part made me realize maybe that’s why Hyde was trepidatious to tell you,” Donna said quietly before averting her gaze from Y/n’s fiery one.

“Oh, what do you know?” Y/n snapped and plopped onto the couch, crossing her arms. “You know what hurts the most? Out of everything we’ve been through, he does something like this.”

“I know.” Donna rubbed a comforting hand on Y/n’s back.

“He’s such a jerk! I could just—oh, ow,” Y/n said suddenly, hands flying to her stomach.

Donna looked at her concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just—oh, my God, ow!” She gripped her stomach, leaning forward. “Something hurts!”

“Oh, my God,” Donna said, eyes widening and shot off the couch. “Don’t tell me you’re in labor!”

“The babies aren’t due for another three months!” Y/n strained, pain radiating across her stomach. The tightness was so uncomfortable she had doubled over, groaning. “I need Steven.”

“You need a hospital,” Donna countered, forcing her panic down and staying calm. “Come on, let’s get you to the car.”

“My keys are at my house.” Sweat started to bead on her hairline. “I don’t think I can make it.” Tears started to brim her eyes. “Oh, God, I hope my babies are okay!”

“They’ll be fine,” she responded reassuringly and grabbed Y/n's hand. “Come on, get in my car and I can run over and get Hyde.”

Another painful wave hit that made her knees buckle. “Oh, God!” She used Donna’s hand as leverage and squeezed so hard she felt some pops.

“Ow—oh, my God!” Donna cried out, not letting go of Y/n’s hand. “It’s a good thing we’re going to the hospital, right?”

“Yeah,” Y/n whined.

As the girls made their way to Donna’s car, they came into view of the guys in the driveway. They were sitting in the chairs, chatting when they saw a hunched over Y/n.

“Yeah, anyway, so I said, ‘Caroline, I can’t keep doing this,’” Fez said. “’I know I put you back in the looney bin, but I can’t have you stab me if I come to visit you.’”

“Fez, man, does this story end anytime soon?” Hyde asked, annoyed. “You’ve been going on about this for the last hour.”

Fez frowned. “I was going to say that she didn’t end up stabbing me.”

“Good for you,” Markus said, bordering sarcasm. “You shouldn’t date a girl that tries to stab you.”

“I mean, we still got to do it,” Fez said, shrugging.

“Oh, so you got the conjugal visit, then?” Eric asked, smirking.

Fez’s face scrunched up in confusion. “A what now?”

“A visit made for sex,” Hyde responded boredly. His eyes lazily glanced up to see Donna leading a hunched over Elena to the car. “Oh, my God,” he mumbled. “Y/n!”

Everyone snapped their heads to look at Y/n who was doubled over in pain. Eric stood abruptly, quickly making his way over.

The girls looked over to him who was running over to his wife.

“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” he asked, questions racing out. He placed his hand on her back and took her other hand.

“She’s in a lot of pain,” Donna responded, unlocking her car.

“Pain?!” Hyde cried out. “Where?!”

“M-my s-stomach,” Y/n hissed as another wave of pain crashed into her. She groaned and gripped onto her best friend’s and husband’s hands tightly.

“What?!” Hyde yelled. “Oh, my God, get in the car. I’m going with.”

"Yeah, me too," Eric said and got in the back from the opposite side of Hyde.

“I sure would hope so,” Y/n groaned as she got into the car. “You’re a bozo, not a piece of crap.”

“Yeah, about that,” Hyde said as he climbed into the back behind her. “I’m really sorry about earlier—”

“Yeah, can we talk about this later?” Y/n cut in. “I just want to make sure our kids are fine—son of a bitch!” She clutched at her stomach and smacked back against her seat. Tears pooled at the corner of her eyes as the pain radiated.

“Alright, hold on tight,” Donna said, turning the car on. “Things are going to be a little fast.”

∞∞∞

“Everything looks fine,” the emergency room doctor said as he finished up looking over Y/n. “What you were experiencing was Braxton-Hicks contractions.”

“Braxton what?” Hyde asked.

“Braxton-Hicks. It’s her body preparing for the real labor,” he responded. “Usually you’ll only feel a mild discomfort. Most women don’t even feel them.”

“Mild discomfort my ass,” Y/n bit.

The doctor chuckled and patted her shoulder. “You did good coming in. It’s better to be safe than sorry. I’m going to go ahead and get your release papers ready. You folks have a good day.”

As the doctor walked out, Donna handed Y/n her clothes. “We'll give you two some privacy.” She and Eric headed out the door, closing it behind them.

An awkward silence fell between them as Y/n let the hospital gown pool at her feet. She grabbed her dress and pulled it over her head.

“So…” Hyde said after a minute of silence. “I’m glad you’re okay. You had me worried.”

“Thanks,” Y/n said, disinterested in anything he had to say.

“Are you still mad at me?” he asked, shuffling closer to her.

She gave him side eye. “What do you think?”

“C’mon, Doll, I’m—I’m not…look, I’m sorry, okay?”

“Yeah, you’ve said that already,” she mumbled as she finished getting dressed.

“Don’t be like that,” he said quietly. “I know I messed up, but please let me make it up to you.”

“I’m sure you will. Just…please take me home,” she said, locking eyes with him for the first time that day.

He nodded solemnly. “Okay.”

--Scene Transition—

As the Hydes reached the driveway, they entered the kitchen wordlessly. Kitty was in the middle of cooking dinner, stirring a pot of soup.

“Where have you two been?” she asked them, barley looking up.

“We were at the hospital,” Y/n said, preparing for the screaming.

“WHAT?!” Kitty screeched, completely forgetting about the soup. “Why?!”

“I was having some pain, but don’t worry, they’re just Braxton-Hicks.”

Kitty let out a sigh of relief as she turned back to the pot. “I could’ve told you that. Every woman has them.”

“Well, we didn’t know that and I thought something was wrong with the babies,” Y/n answered sourly.

“You still should’ve told me,” Kitty replied. “I would’ve gone with you.”

“It’s okay, Steven and Donna and Eric were with me.”

“Are you giving birth to Donna’s children or my grandchildren?” Kitty quirked an eyebrow.

“Oh, come on, Mom. Please not now,” Y/n said rubbing her face. “I’m tired and want to go to bed.”

The basement door swung open, revealing Eric. "Hey, Y/n, how are you feeling?"

“I think I’m going to go lie down. I’m so drained from today.”

"Y/n, it's only seven o' clock," Hyde said.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Steven asked.

“No,” she said shortly. “I want to be alone.”

He didn’t respond as watched his wife exit the kitchen.

“Man, I really screwed up,” Hyde said, glaring at the table.

“She’ll get over it,” Eric shrugged. “She always does.”

“No, this is something pretty big,” Kitty interjected, finishing up dinner. “You hid money from her; that’s not something you lightly get over.”

“What can I do Mrs. Forman?” Hyde asked desperately. “I told her that I’m saving up for a house so we can have a life in it, but she doesn’t want to hear any of it.”

“You can surprise her with a gift,” she suggested.

“Like what? Flowers and jewelry aren’t going to make up for what I did.”

It was silent between the three of them until a sparkle flashed in Kitty’s eyes. “I have an idea.”

--The Next Day—

“Where’s Hyde?” Markus asked as the gang hung out in the basement the next day.

“I don’t know,” Y/n sighed, sucking on a popsicle. “I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

Donna, Eric, and Jackie looked at each other, knowing exactly what was going on.

“Huh, weird,” Markus replied. “I would think he would’ve told you.”

“Well, I haven’t spoke to him since yesterday.” She shrugged. “I’m still mad at him, so right now I couldn’t care less.”

“Harsh,” Fez said. “Don’t you think you should hear the guy out? I mean, you guys are married after all.”

“Just because we’re married doesn’t mean I want to look or talk to him right now,” Y/n responded. “He hid money from me and told me he didn’t trust me enough to tell me. He said what he said.”

“Hey, Y/n did you know that your feet and toes will swell up twice the size and never go back down?” Eric spoke up, reading from the pregnancy book.

“Oh, and you’re pregnant with twins so your toes will be swollen four times as big!” Kelso chortled.

“What?!” Y/n screeched and looked down at her sandaled feet already noticing the swelling.

Eric cackled. “This never gets old.”

“Bite me,” Y/n snapped and threw a pillow at her brother’s head.

Someone coming down the stairs interrupted their conversation.

“Hey, Y/n ” Steven said, coming down. “Can you come upstairs for a second?”

She turned, glaring at her husband. “For what?”

“I want to show you something.”

“No, I’m okay right here,” she spit and turned her back on him.

“Y/n, come on. Please?”

She rolled her eyes and groaned. “Fine.” She stood and followed him upstairs. “Last time you said something like that, I ended up pregnant!”

“What am I going to do? You’re already knocked up,” Hyde pointed out.

“You’d think I’d be used to hearing them by now, but I’m not,” Eric snarked, pressing his lips into a thin line. “Gross.”

"Payback's a bitch, isn't it?" Y/n cackled as she and Hyde made their way up the stairs.

Hyde grabbed his wife’s hand as he continued to lead her up the stairs towards the bedrooms.

“Whatever this is isn’t going to make up for what you did,” she said. “What you said hurt.”

“I know,” he responded, rubbing circles onto her hand with his thumb. “And I’m sorry. I’m hoping what I did might help you to start to forgive me.”

Hyde led her all the way down the hall and stopped in front of Laurie’s old room.

“Why did you take me to Laurie’s room?” Y/n questioned. “Are you pointing out that she left again? Because, hello? Where have you been?”

Hyde smiled and titled his chin at her. “Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

She sighed heavily and did what she was told. Steven opened the door and guided her inside. “Okay, you can open your eyes.”

When she did, she saw a barren room, except for two white cribs backed against the walls, adjacent from each other. On each side were plain dressers and changing tables.

“What..?” she asked, confused.

“I’ve been at this all day; cleaned out the furniture and went baby shopping. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to come with me, but I went with your mom and got the basics to help you out with some of the stress. We can decorate together—and if you don’t like the cribs, we can still take them back and get something else—”

He was cut off by Y/n ’s slamming her body into his and wrapping him in her arms. Burying her face in his neck, she could feel her eyes welling up. “I love it.”

He embraced her back and kissed her head. “Really?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

“Does that mean you forgive me?”

She pulled away and looked at him. “Of course, Steven. This was so thoughtful. No matter how mad I get at you, I’ll always forgive you. You’re my husband and I’m not going to throw away our marriage for something like this.”

He smiled down at her before dipping his head down to place a sweet kiss on her lips, but before he could, she stopped him by placing her hand on his lips, blocking him.

“Hang on, Romeo, you have some explaining to do.” He looked at her seriously through his aviators. “What made you think you couldn’t trust me?”

He sighed and rubbed his neck. “I-I don’t know. I just wanted to stop arguing and I said the first thing that came to mind.”

“Oh ‘cause that worked out great,” she deadpanned.

“Yeah, I know.” He grabbed her hands and held them gently in his. “I guess I didn’t want to get your hopes up just in case things fell through. Knowing my luck, it wouldn’t have and I didn’t want you to be disappointed. I didn’t want to be the reason why.”

“Steven,” she said, placing her hands on either side of his face. “No matter what happens, you will never be my disappointment. In fact, you’ll always be my greatest achievement.”

He smiled and placed a hand over her right one. “And you’re mine.”

She smiled back at him as he leaned down towards her lips. After he placed a sweet peck, he pulled back. “If you ever tell anyone this—”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ll deny it.”

He smiled coyly. “That’s my girl.”

--Time Skip—

“Okay, I don’t understand why you’re taking a camera on your road trip,” Y/n said, as Hyde, Donna, Red, and Kitty helped Eric pack up the car. “You should be packing more sensible items like toilet paper—”

“And your mother,” Kitty cut in, giving him a nervous smile. “A road trip isn’t complete without her, ya know!”

“Look, Mom,” Eric began. “Accept it. I’m going. My year is off is officially over and I’ve decided that I need to find a sensible career for myself that’s going to provide a steady and fulfilling future: I’m going to be a traveling documentary filmmaker.”

“Oh, come on, you made that up!” Red cried out and raised his hands in the air. “Hey, Kitty, I’m going to go ice skating on a rainbow!”

“Eric, don’t listen to him,” Donna said, stepping in front of Kitty. “I have complete confidence you’re going to be the best docu-whatsit-who-maker ever.”

He nodded with a smirk. “Thank you, Donna.”

“Okay,” Kitty piped up, pushing Donna aside. “Do you have enough money?”

“Oh, I don’t need much,” he responded. “I’m sure on stops along the way I’ll meet some kind strangers will just offer me a hot pot of beans in exchange from some colorful stories from the road.”

Y/n gave him a look. “Hot beans? Dude, you can’t even chew cinnamon gum!”

Eric sighed through his nose. “Alright, that’s it. I’m off.” He turned to Y/n. “I’ll, uh, miss you—”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she quipped and turned on her heel, walking inside.

“Yeah, well…at least I don’t waddle when I walk!”

“Yep, that’ll teach her, Forman.” Hyde clapped his shoulder. “Oh, and a little piece of advise: if you see a bear on one of your camping trips, make sure to get to high ground like a tree. Bears can’t climb trees.”

Eric nodded, but then scrunched his eyebrows together. “Wait, I don’t think—”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Kitty said impatiently. “Call me every night at 9:00 so that I know you’re safe.”

“Oh, no he won’t be doing that because he’ll be calling me,” Donna said. “That’s why I got him the watch as a gift.”

“No, he’ll be calling me, right Eric? You know, the one who gave you life.”

“So, what, you squeezed out a baby. That was like a hundred years ago!”

“You listen here, little missy—”

Eric looked between the two women, sweat starting to bead on his forehead.

“Okay, Eric!” Red boomed, breaking up the fight and rounded the car. “You best get on your way.”

“Right, right,” he responded and pulled out the camera. “Just one second.” He turned the camera on, pressing record. “Hello, America! And welcome to Eric Forman’s Journey Across America: The Things You Didn’t Know. Here, I plan on having you travel with me as we journey across the historical land of our Great Nation. Come, come with me to witness the unknown that can be right in your backyard.” He winked at the camera before pressing the button to cut recording.

“Oh, my God,” Hyde groaned. “I’m leaving before this gets more ridiculous. Later.”

“’The Journey Across America?’” Red mocked. “Come on, I could’ve told you all about that.”

“It’s not stupid, Dad. It’s something I can show my viewers about what they don’t know. I think it’ll be educational.”

“What it is, is stupid,” Red replied, rolling his eyes.

"Dad, no offense, but I don't think my viewers are going to only want to hear about your gory time in Korea."

"It'd still be better than this crap."

Eric stared at him with a grave face. “Bye.”

--Time Skip—

“Alright, folks. Here we are, beginning our journey together,” Eric said to the camera. “I’ll tell ya, being on the road like this, really makes me feel like ma—ah! Ah! Ah!” He screamed as he felt pop on his tire that veered him off the road.

When he was finally able to regain control of the car—and his breathing—he looked at the camera embarrassed. “Okay, I guess I can edit that part out later.” He turned the camera off and stepped out the car, sighing heavily to himself. “Please don’t be anything expensive,” he prayed.

“When he saw a flat tire, he sighed in relief. “It’s just a flat, I can totally fix that!” He pulled out the camera and adjusted it accordingly before pressing record again. “What we’ve learned so far is that Mother Nature can be a cruel mistress. She caresses her tire with her…asphalt…” He cleared his throat. “And then the next, she punctures. But not to worry, because that didn’t stop me from making it out of point place!”

He looked around at the tree overgrowth on the side of the road, to only turn around to a sign that said, “You are now leaving Point Place.” “No problemo, we’ve got the spare tire in the back. Let’s get it, shall we?”

A few minutes later…

“So, there is no spare tire,” he said to the camera, feeling defeated and nervous. “And it’s, uh, really dark out. And I’m alone.” He started to hyperventilate and get squeaky. “I want my mommy.”

Meanwhile…

“So, have you guys thought of names yet?” Donna asked the Hydes as they were sat at the kitchen table enjoying some snacks.

“Not yet,” Y/n responded and reached for a strawberry, the sweet juices lightening up her taste buds. “I don’t even know what kind of twins we’re having. Same-sex or boy-girl. I don’t even kn—Steven, what are you staring at?”

Steven, shamelessly, had been staring at her chest the whole time. “Man, your boobs are HUGE.”

Y/n clicked her tongue in annoyance. “Hey, not in front of our friend.”

“Oh, because this is so much better than all the other times?” Donna smirked, taking a sip from her soda.

Y/n sighed and finished the treat. “You got any ideas?”

“Well, I’ve always thought you could have a gender neutral name,” Donna suggested. “Like Jordan or Blake?”

“Jordan Hyde?” Y/n asked. “I guess that doesn’t sound too bad.”

“Nah,” Hyde said. “I have a cousin named Jordan and he’s in prison for committing tax fraud. I also have another cousin named Jordan and she’s in prison for shooting her husband.”

“Wow,” Y/n responded. “So, Jordan’s off the table. What about Blake?”

“Blake Hyde,” Steven pondered. “Maybe. What about Harper?”

“I don’t know. I had a Harper in elementary school who tried to give me a swirly. Rather not have that reminder of that bitch. How bout Sawyer?”

He made a face. “No, got a cousin in prison for arson. Johnathan?”

“Too common. Alexander?”

“Maybe. I don’t have any cousins in prisons with that name. What about Penelope?”

“In this small town?” Y/n asked. “Not a chance. Layla?”

“Layla Hyde..? I don’t know, sounds kind of weird. Chloe?”

She shrugged. “That doesn’t sound too bad. Avery.”

“Veto.”

“Okay, let’s discuss this later,” Y/n finally said. “We’ve still got time.”

“And you still have a baby shower to plan,” Donna pointed out.

“Crap, I forgot about that.” She rubbed her face. “Okay, fine, how should we do this?”

“I think we should…we could…um…” Donna stumbled, thinking hard. “Oh, crap.”

Y/n sighed. “We’re screwed.”

“Well, you do have one other option,” Steven piped up. “You could ask—”

Y/n gasped. “No, don’t say it!”

“J—”

“Hyde, no!” Donna cried out. “You say her name and she appears like a frickin’ genie.”

“Jackie,” he finished with a smirk.

“Ugh, he said it,” Y/n mumbled.

“Hey, guys!” Jackie chirped as she walked in through the sliding door.

“Son of a BITCH,” Y/n cried out. “How do you always do this?”

“Do what?” she asked innocently.

“Show up whenever we say your name! Do your ears burn or something?” Donna asked, baffled.

Jackie tilted her head, confused. “Uh…no? Are you guys okay?”

“No, we’re not okay,” Y/n grumbled. “I completely forgot that we need to plan my baby shower and have no idea what to do.”

“Oh! Can I help?” she asked. “I love planning parties.”

“I know you do,” Y/n smirked. “Well, you did plan my bachelorette party, so that was fun. Just…no male strippers at this one, okay?”

Hyde snapped his head towards his bride. “Male what?”

“Oh, don’t act all innocent. I know you went to a strip club,” she snapped.

“Uh…no, I didn’t?”

She rolled her eyes. “Save it.” She turned back to Jackie. “Any ideas?”

“Not yet, but I know it’s going to include something luxurious.”

“No, no Jackie. Nothing big,” Y/n said. “Just something small with our friends and family. I don’t know if I want to go bed at 4am again.”

“No, nothing like that!” Jackie defended. “Something to tell everybody else that you’re better than them!” She squealed. “Oh, I gotta go home and plan this! Catch ya later!”

She skipped out the kitchen, leaving the three there.

At that moment, Kitty burst through the door. “Have you guys heard from Eric?”

All three shook their heads.

“Eric was supposed to call at 9:00 and it’s now 9:04! Something bad happened to him, I just know it.”

“It’s only four minutes, Mom. I’m sure he’s fine.”

“No, no,” Kitty shook her head. “My mother’s intuition is saying otherwise. I’m going to go find him.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, knowing there was no point in arguing with her mom. “I’ll get Dad.”

“I’ll get the car,” Hyde said, standing.

“And I’ll get my jacket,” Donna responded.

--Time Skip—

It wasn’t long until they all found the Vista Cruiser at the edge of town. They all got out of the car and found the flat tire with no Eric in sight.

“Eric!” Kitty called. “Oh, my God, Red! What if he was kidnapped by white slavers? He can’t do anything, he’ll be killed!”

“I told him this was a stupid idea,” Red seethed. “And now we’re stuck in the middle of nowhere. My foot is shaking from wanting to kick his ass so bad!”

“I should’ve never let him leave,” Donna said, shaking her head. “I should’ve tempted him into staying home with sex—”

Kitty sharply turned to face Donna.

“I mean scrabble,” Donna finished.

“Oh, please. If my baby depended on you being loose then I wouldn’t have to worry.”

“Can we focus, please?” Y/n asked, waddling over to the car. “He clearly couldn’t change the tire and went off to get some help.”

“Alright, let’s get back in the car and find this bozo,” Red muttered and stepped back into the car, slamming the door shut.

--Time Skip—

“Alright listen,” Hyde said as they all entered a diner where they believed Eric was. “This type of establishment is well known to criminals, okay? So I want you to stay close, and if there's any trouble, I'm gonna use you guys as a human shield.”

“Not if I sacrifice you first,” Y/n said, glaring at her husband.

“I don't like the looks of these people. They seem like they could tease a polite young man about his sweater and then laugh when he starts to cry,” Kitty said impatiently.

“See, that's the problem. Maybe if you didn't baby Eric so much, he wouldn't have had to leave to prove himself,” Donna said, growing annoyed.

“Well, maybe if you hadn't exhausted him with your sexual demands, he wouldn't have had to leave just to get some sleep,” Kitty bit back.

Red help up his hand, a headache coming on from their constant arguing. “All right, that's enough, you two. If Eric's in trouble, he deserves it, because he should know better by now.”

“You sound like you don’t care at all!” Kitty said.

“It's not a matter of not caring,” Red replied, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s a matter of not giving a crap.”

Kitty gaped at him with furrowed brows before huffing at him and turned around.

“Hey, Red, they got ‘Rhinestone cowboy.’ Toss me a quarter,” Hyde piped up from behind him.

“Shut up,” Red snapped, ignoring his son-in-law.

“For your information, Eric comes after me a lot more than I go after him,” Donna said after a minute of silence.

“You know, all you damn redheads are the same!” Kitty said.

“What the hell does that mean?!”

“It means that—!”

“Alright, I’m going back in the car,” Y/n cut in. “You’re getting on my nerves with all your arguing.”

A Little While Later…

“Well, it turns out I have a couple of problems with being a traveling documentary filmmaker,” Eric stated as he stood in front of the car with the camera set up in front of him. “One... The traveling. It's exhausting. Two... Documentaries. I only like ones that are...You know, about monkeys. And three...Filmmaking.” He sighed and looked down for a minute before looking back up at the camera.

“If there's no space battles, I mean, you know, really, what's the point? I'll tell you something. This day has not been a waste. I realized what I really wanna do with my life is just get the hell out of Point Place.”

He closed his eyes, relief flooding him as he finally said it. “I'm ready to do that. I really feel like this trip made me a man.”

Out from the distance near the thicket, a voice called out in the darkness. “Eric?!”

“Mommy?!” Eric called back, his childlike gentleness taking over again.

“Thank God you're okay!” Red said.

“Thanks, Dad, but I’m okay,” Eric replied with a content grin on his face.

“Not you, the car,” he replied roughly.

“Eric, your mom called me a whore,” Donna said defensively.

“Only because I was worried about you and love you more than she does,” Kitty replied.

“Ugh, Mom,” Y/n said from behind them and stepped in front of them. “You have no idea what it was like riding in the car with them. Can I ride back with you?”

His lips formed in a thin a line as he nodded. “Nice to see you, too, Sis.”

“Hey, dudes! I got that waitress’s number!” Leo cried out, emerging from the thicket.

“Leo?” Hyde asked. “What’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home right now?”

“I got hungry and wanted a bite to eat.”

“Leo, man, you’re like forty five minutes away…” Hyde pointed out.

“Yeah, I got lost,” the old hippie chuckled.

“Hey, I’m glad that everyone is safe and happy, but can we go now? Cookie dough ice cream and the Andy Griffith show are calling my name and I’d like to get home before I miss it,” Y/n interrupted, her patience gone.

“Y/n, the Andy Griffith show has been off the air for ten years now,” Hyde pointed out.

“It reminds me of a simpler time,” she responded casually. “Alright, people. Good night, I’m getting in the car.”

“Yeah, I’m joining you,” Donna said and followed Y/n into the car.

Steven turned to Leo. "Do you need a ride home?"

"Nah, man, it's back at the diner," Leo replied. "Now, if I can just remember where that is..."

Hyde chuckled and clapped his friend on the back. "C'mon man, I'll take you." He turned to Y/n. "I'll see you at home."

She nodded as she put her seat belt on.

“Nice, now I got two moody women in my car,” Eric grumbled as he stepped into the car.

In unison, the two women yelled,

“Shut UP, Eric!”

Taglist:

@not-shy-nanya @taysirene @maddieschampagneproblems @mdittyz123 @undead-sierra @random-thoughts-004 @lieswithoutfairytales @chloem4a1 @srhxpc @zhonglibxitch

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thestupidhelmet · 3 months ago

Note

G6 for the Jukebox ask game if you aren’t buried in asks and are still accepting more! 😁

G 6: Gambling, Kelso

Kelso and his friends go to Vegas for his bachelor party weekend. Brooke, however, makes sure Donna is part of the party.

Donna justifies her self-invitation because she was "one of the guys" for so long that she's grandfathered in. Fez finds the concept fascinating. Hyde is amused, and Eric's happy Donna's there. Kelso, though, thinks Brooke sent Donna to babysit him.

During the drive to Vegas ...

Kelso (to Donna): We're not going to any strip clubs. Just the casinos -- God! I can't believe Brooke still doesn't trust me. Maybe we're not ready to get married.

Donna: Kelso, settle down --

Hyde: That's what he's doin' next week if he doesn't screw up this weekend.

Donna: I'm here to have fun, okay? And to make sure you don't have too much fun gambling.

Kelso: Well, if I have fun gambling, that means I'm winning. So you should make sure I do have fun.

Fez: Don't play poker.

Kelso: But I'm good at poker.

Eric: Hate to break it to ya, Buddy, but your're not. Even I can spot your tells.

Kelso: What are tells?

Hyde: Hey, how's about we skip the casino and play poker in one of our hotel rooms? Winning dough from your friends is more fun than from the casino, man.

Donna: Hyde.

Hyde: What?

Donna crosses her arms over her chest and rolls her eyes. This weekend will be tougher than she anticipated.

***

Later at a casino, Kelso's discovered the joy of slot machines. He likes the noise and the heavy buckets of quarters he's won.

Hyde finds him in a row of one-armed bandits and glances at a bucket half full of dirty quarters. Kelso's fingers are stained with the same dirt, but Kelso doesn't care. He's making a killing.

Kelso: Hey, Hyde! Guess what my new favorite number is.

Hyde: Zero.

Kelso: No, seven! I keep winning!

Hyde: Have you cashed in yet?

Kelso: Yeah! The casino gives the best twenties. They're all crispy, and the sevens turn them into those. (He nods at the half-full bucket of quarters.)

Hyde: You saving any of those crisp twenties?

Kelso: I'm on a hot streak!

Hyde: I'll take that as a no.

Kelso: Sit down already. Play some slots with me. If you get sevens, we can celebrate. If you lose, I can laugh at you. It's win-win.

Hyde: Nah. I'm gonna head to my room and take a nap.

Hyde pats Kelso's shoulder and leaves. Kelso is confused but doesn't let that stop him from gambling.

***

Hyde passes by Fez, who's playing at a black jack table. Fez is doing well. Beyond him is a craps table where Donna is cheering on Eric. Eric is actually on a hot streak. Hyde approaches him, but Donna spots Hyde first.

Donna: Hyde! Oh, my God -- Eric's winning money for us and everyone surrounding the table. Craps is so cool!

Hyde: Kelso's losing all his money in the slot machines. He's freakin' oblivious.

Donna: Really? Damn, I'll drag him out of his hole.

Eric: Wait! Donna, you can't leave me now. You're my good luck charm! I'm gonna lose if you go.

The other gamblers at the table glare at Donna, but she leaves anyway.

Eric (to Hyde): Are you lucky? Please tell me you are. I think these guys'll kill me if I make a bad throw.

Hyde: That's gambling, man. The house always wins.

Eric: You lost it all, didn't you? Get out of here.

Eric tosses the dice. Lucky eleven.

Hyde: Haven't lost anything. Haven't gambled.

Eric: Oh.

Hyde: Hot streaks end, man. Remember that.

Hyde exits the casino and goes to his room for that nap.

***

Donna sits down at the slot machine beside Kelso. She plays a little until Kelso becomes aware of her presence.

Kelso: Donna! Do you have any quarters?

Donna shakes her plastic bucket. Coins rattle inside.

Kelso: Great! My machine went lousy on me, but it's gonna turn around. I can feel it.

Donna: And you're gonna turn around and stop gambling. I can feel it.

Kelso: Huh?

Donna: You go overboard with everything, and Brooke knew you would here. That's why you don't have access to your bank account.

Kelso shrieks.

Donna: Yeah, say no more.

Donna drags Kelso by his ear out of the casino and to the bank if elevators that lead to the hotel rooms. Kelso complains the whole time about Brooke's lack of trust and how she's keeping him from winning back their money.

Donna, outside of Hyde's hotel door, says, "You should've been smart enough not to lose it in the first place."

She bangs on the door. Hyde opens it. Donna shoves Kelso at him and says, "He's your problem now."

***

Hyde sits on the edge of the king-size bed in his room. Beside him is Jackie, who's hand rests on his knee. Kelso sputters.

Hyde: How much cash you got left?

Kelso pulls his jeans pockets inside-out. They're empty.

Jackie: Wow! You've become a total cliché.

Kelso: Hyde, why didn't you stop me?

Hyde: I tried. You didn't listen

Kelso (tugging at his hair and pacing the room): Brooke's gonna kill me! Or worse: not marry me!

Hyde slings his arm around Jackie and says, "Been tellin' you this for years -- you got to learn to think! Vegas was a dumb idea for your bachelor party, but we can't think for you. So we went with you, hopin' you'd matured enough to think of your family first."

Jackie: He was thinking of them. Thinking he could make money to support Brooke, Betsy, and baby number two.

Kelso: Exactly! (To Hyde) Your folks used to gamble all the time when you were growing up. You must've learned some tricks. Teach me! I promise to pay back whatever you lend me with interest.

Hyde: First, I'm not givin' you any dough. Second, alls Bud and Edna taught me was never gamble. 'Specially Bud. Loan sharks caught up to him and cut off his thumbs.

Jackie gasps. "You didn't tell me that!'

Kelso looks at his thumbs and says, "But I need these!"

Hyde: Kelso -- (blows out a breath, exasperated) -- I had Jackie meet me here 'cause she's the best gamble I ever made. The only one that counts. Brooke's gambling on you to use common sense. I wouldn't take those odds, but she has.

Kelso: You're right. I've let her down. Let my daughter and unborn kid down. What am I supposed to do?

Jackie: Better.

***

Everyone is seated in a fancy restaurant for dinner. Kelso was surprised when Fez told him where the reservation was made. Now that they're browsing at the menu, Kelso says, "Are we doing a dine-and-dash?"

Eric: We're celebrating your last days as a bachelor.

Kelso: But I can't afford this.

Donna: We know. But it turns out Eric's really good at craps.

Eric: All those years of playing board games paid off.

Fez passes Kelso a rectangular gift box. Kelso opens it and finds the exact amount of money he lost in the slots.

Kelso: How?

Fez: I figured out the secret to black jack! (Whispers) Keep track of the card already played. I am filthy, filthy rich. Rhonda and I can both go to culinary school now and buy a house!

Donna: Isn't that, like, cheating?

Jackie: There are no rules against outsmarting a casino.

Hyde: Not yet. (To Fez) If other people figure out what you did ... that's gonna be interesting.

Kelso (overwhelmed): Guys, thank you so much! You saved my marriage! Which I'm not in yet.

Donna: Only if you've learned from this experience.

Kelso: Oh, I've definitely learned: I have good friends who'll dig me out of my messes

Hyde stands up and frogs Kelso in the shoulder.

Kelso: And to think -- damn, Hyde! You almost turned me into a one-armed bandit.

***

While Kelso continued to do stupid things throughout his life, they weren't life-altering, and he never gambled again.

Jukebox Ask Game

#that 70s show #that '70s show #michael kelso #jackie x hyde #donna pinciotti #jukebox ask game #ficlet #eric forman #fez #jackie burkhart #steven hyde #kelso x brooke #brooke rockwell #eric x donna

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