#Brokeback mountain (kinda)(later)

[alouiadina]

Clegan au (sad) part 1

So this idea is kind of Brokeback Mountain-esque, and I see this as a three story deal, or at least told in three parts.

So part one/ story one starts in the summer of 1934. Gale is 15 (he'll be 16 in December), and plans to spend the summer either working his ass off on the farm to avoid his father's anger, and when he's not doing that, spend time with Marge, his sweetheart.

The first week goes according to plan, his father only lashes out once, and he manages to meet up with Marge for a couple of dates. Then, one night, after a movie date with Marge, he comes home to find a boy standing on his porch. He's tall, lanky, and wearing the obviously fake glasses. There are also a couple of suitcases at his feet.

"Your parents send you here too?" The boy asks, voice lower than Gale expected. It sends a shiver down his spine.

He tells the boy no, asking why the boy's on his front doorstep.

"Your doorstep?" The boy asks in a joking . "Aren't you a little young to be a farm owner with a wife and kid?"

Gale looks at him, baffled, then says: "I'm the kid."

Then the boy tells him that his mother had sent him to the farm because she didn't have enough money to support him and his two sisters, and Mr. Cleven offered fair pay for the summer. Gale is hesitant about the reason the boy is there, feeling that he's lying, but his presence there could be a buffer, and his father wouldn't lash out as physically as he normally would.

Not long after, the front door is opened by Gale's mother, who seems happy to see the boy.

"John," She says. "I see you've met Gale."

The look on John's face makes it look like the boy, John, thinks his name is ridiculous, but doesn't say anything akin to that. She then tells the boys that dinner's on the table, and Gale is surprised that he has a seat and a plate. Usually, after his dates with Marge, he isn't allowed to have one, even if he didn't eat on the date. His dad on about something along the lines of earning your keep and whatnot.

His dad is greatly nicer than he normally is, and Gale enjoys it. A small part of him hopes after John leaves that his dad would stay like this, but he knows it's unlikely. After dinner, Gale finds out that he and John would be sharing his room, and that while he was out with Marge, they had moved the spare bed they used to keep in the barn (the one Gale was forced to sleep on if his chores weren't done on time) into his room.

He shows John to his room, now their room for the summer. While unpacking, John bequeaths Gale the nickname Buck, which he hates, but that doesn't deter John. He doesn't get the nickname in the "you look like this guy from Manitowoc" way, that's for later in the story. Gale also doesn't know John's nickname is Bucky, which he also won't know until later.

Though, what he does learn that night is that John is 18 (he'll be 19 in September), he learns a lot about John's two sisters and mom, but nothing about his dad, which Gale doesn't press, as he knows a thing or two about not wanting to talk about your dad.

As the summer goes on, Gales chores lessen due to the presence of John, Gale's dad is still holding up the nice act, which gives Gale more hope he'll be a changed man by summers end, and Gale gets to spend more time with Marge. And he notices something whenever he's in close proximity to John, like an itch, or a magnet drawing him in. He recognizes it as a similar feeling he had for Marge when they first met, but he knows it's different. He thinks that maybe this is what having a friend is like.

He also notices that John has this jealous air about him whenever Marge is mentioned. He thinks it's because John is attracted to Marge, even though they've never met (Marge doesn't even know John exists), and is jealous of Gale or something. So he confronts John about it in the barn one day, and John ends up kissing him.

Panicked, Gale pushes John away (maybe says some things) then runs to do another thing on the farm. He considers telling his father what John did. He thinks that if John being here might not fix him, telling his father that John is a queer, that might fix their father/son relationship. But, the more he thinks, the more he know's that won't fix anything. He knows that his father will accuse him of seducing John, of more than just letting John kiss him. He'll tell Gale that John only kissed him because Gale wanted to kiss him.

In that moment, he realizes that he did want John to kiss him. That he liked it. That maybe... maybe he wanted to do more with John, the more that his father would most definitely think happened if he found out.

A day or so passes, before Gale has the nerve to talk to John. John starts to apologize, when Gale says: "Meet me in the barn after my parents go to bed." Or something along the lines of that.

So, they do that. After he's sure his parents are asleep, he goes and waits in the barn, and sometime later, John comes. John starts apologizing again, saying that he only kissed him because he thought Gale was like him, and that he thought Gale wanted too. He starts babbling a bit, only stopping in surprise when Gale kisses him. Gale pulls away, nervously looking up at John.

John has this expression on his face, like he just won the lottery or something. Gale knows he did good. He kisses John again, and it progresses further. Gets hungry. They end up dry humping in a stack of hay, Gale gasping at the intensity of it all until it's over. He falls asleep in the hay, waking up the next morning in his bed, no trace of straw on him.

They start a routine. Once every few nights, they meet in the barn, sometimes they just hump each other, sometimes John takes them in his hand. Sometimes during chores, John would get ballsy and quickly peck Gale on the mouth or cheek or something before disappearing to do the next thing. Gale still goes out with Marge every now and again, still not telling her about John, now having even more reason not to. He knows John is unhappy with his relationship with Marge, but he does his best to get John to understand that if he suddenly broke up with Marge, that his dad would be onto them, but in a way that doesn't let John know that Mr. Cleven is abusive when no ones around.

One night, John tells Gale he wants their relationship to go further than just humping and jerking each other off. Gale admits to John that he's still a virgin, so John back tracks a little. Gale tells him that he does want to with John, but is unsure how. For at least this part in the story, John bottoms. He doesn't want to hurt Gale, and he knows that this way would be more pleasurable for him.

This is already getting long, so I'll try to be short about these lasts few bits.

Marge thinks (correctly) that Gale is cheating on her, but quickly dissuades her from it, reminding her how his dad is. Gale's mom asks to speak with Gale alone after dinner one night, only to tell him that she knows about him and John. Gale panics a bit, but she assures him that it's fine, she won't tell anyone. She tells him that her sister/brother was the same and she did the same for them, until someone else found out and got to them.

Then summer ends and John is going back to Manitowoc. They share a kiss the night before, Gale asking John to pretend he's doing that the next day at the train station when they say goodbye. At the train station, John promises Gale that he'll write. (spoiler alert, he doesn't)

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004),Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986),Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).

Today I will be talking about

Holding the Man (2015) dir. Niel Armfield

[Run Time: 2hr 8 min, Available: Google Play, Language: English]

Summary: The warm, funny and achingly sad story of the 15-year-long love affair between Timothy Conigrave and the boy he fell in love with at high school, John Caleo. (IMDB)

Cast:

Ryan Corr as Timothy Conigrave

Sarah Snook as Pepe Trevor

Craig Stott as John Caleo

__

So, as anyone who has seen Ben’s syllabus should know, he was very intentional about setting it up as a lead in to BL. Sometimes I wonder how some of the movies may apply, but I definitely understood where he was coming from with this one…

Ben wanted to show any person going through the syllabus the parallels between BL and Western films that let 30 year olds in terrible wigs play high schoolers. 

He also definitely put this movie on the list because these characters are gay boys in a Catholic school. 

gif by @captnswilson

Anyway, I thought this film was very good, it started off very strong not only with the phone call that cannot be more than two minutes that tells you everything you need to know about the characters, how they are connected to each other, where they are in the present. Especially when you know by the time the phone disconnects that John is dead, especially when the camera cuts to three old men looking at Tim as he tries desperately to call back, a stark reminder that Tim and John will never reach old age. 

gif by @captnswilson

I think the biggest thing I was struggling with in this entire movie was how indiscrete Tim and John were being about their relationship. Like, seriously, full confession, I thought the consequences of their physical intimacy would be because of Catholicism. Shielded by my own age I guess in part, but also hugely because of their lack general lack of fear or discretion, I fully forgot it was illegal to be gay in 1970, when Tim is fully reaching his hand down John’s pants at school, and putting love letters on his desk at school, and giving John hand jobs in his living room, and fucking with the doors unlocked when their friends go out fishing. 

That said, I do appreciate that even under the threats from their school, from their parents, they choose each other over and over again. They are unfazed and unashamed of their relationship and I think that sets the movie up to be all the more tragic because you can kinda tell what’s coming. The fact that they have fought against it all, they have loved each other fiercely and openly and relatively unafraid, makes John’s inevitable death all the more tragic. 

I think the production of this film was really smart, with some really wonderful transitions between scenes and the background music, or a line, or a lingering camera shot. For example when Pepe sends the kiss around the table, and after John and Tim have kissed each other and Pepe tries to take any suspicion of Tim’s feelings away by closing the kissing circle, we hear audio which soon after cuts to mass. The line of course being “To those trapped in the darkness of sin that the light shining in Christ may free them…” The way that John’s father thanks Tim for helping John come out of his shell, only for Tim to unzip John’s sleeping bag, literally opening a casing that was covering John a few scenes later so they can have sex and cuddle during a sleepover.  

gif by @captnswilson

The way the editing supports the discovery, the tension of John’s father finding the letter, while we see John and Tim fucking at the cabin, the friends coming back to catch them in the act, the way the music stops when John’s Dad is interrupted from his thoughts as he starts to read the letter around the same time that Tim slams the door shut on his friends. The way the silence in John’s room from his father is co-opted for the silence in the cabin’s living room with all the boys playing poker as if nothing had happened. The close up of Tim’s hand shaking the man he is interviewing, and then the subtle way Tim wipes his hand against the arm of the chair he is sitting in as if he can catch AIDS just by touching someone who has it. 

I have a thing for movies about AIDS letting their characters bleed. I really love the choice, the knowing that comes with seeing those bright trails of red. The weight to it. I love so many acting choices in this film, the scene of Tim and his mother preparing food after he comes home for his sister’s wedding only to find out that his mother read a letter addressed to him that essentially told him he had AIDS. I love when Tim can’t complete a scene after his acting teacher so thoroughly reads him, and honestly…respect, I appreciate that Tim is willing to admit that. I love the image of John’s father closing the door to their house after John puts his foot down, reaffirms to his dad that he loves Tim and says there is nothing he can do about it. Because the door to their house has bars, and it looks like John’s father is locking himself up in a cage. Trapped inside while John and Tim drive off in to the world. To experience it in its fullness while John’s father cowers away. 

gif by @captnswilson

I think the scenes where John was sick and where he was dying was super well performed. Hell, the entire thing was well performed, but to see Craig Stott go from strong athlete to gasping for breath, so sure footed to unsteady on his feet. I am in love with the blushy little smile that John gives Tim when Tim takes his picture and calls him beautiful after they have shaved John’s head, and glued dinosaur figurines to it. This film does such a phenomenal job of realistically, believably portraying love. 

I’m thankful to the writing for acknowledging sex workers and intravenous drug users, they are our brothers and sisters, they are us, we are all family, and I think it is important that we don’t forget them when we discuss AIDS, and the people we lost to it. 

gif by @captnswilson

I think they handled John’s death very lovingly. I am sure that I would have been bawling if I didn’t end up in a lovely two and a half hour conversation with a friend just before he draws his last breath. And again, the choices here, the loud, agonizing breathing John has when he sleeps, and the way the silence settles in when he draws his last breath. I am glad John told Tim in his own way that he was ready to go. That when he collapsed at home it was so easy. There is no way losing someone you love that deeply isn’t devastating, but at least for me, death is a little easier when I know someone is ready. 

I love that John kept his promise, not to die unless Tim was by his side, and that Tim whispering in his ear “I’m here” was what finally gave John permission to go. (I WANTED TO PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH MY TV WHEN JOHN’S PARENTS DIDN’T LET THE PRIEST SAY TIM WAS ANYTHING MORE THAN A FRIEND TO JOHN.)  I loved that we ended the film with Pepe telling Tim that John was by his side, right before we learn that Tim died ten days after he finished writing his book. 

I should have known, I guess, that this was based on a real story, because of the nature of the material, but for some reason I didn’t. Maybe I missed a title card somewhere or something. But I do think there is something so beautiful about being able to immortalize John, immortalize Tim, and immortalize their love for each other in a book. That their love story was told again through film. That there is no way to deny their love for each other now. 

Favorite Moment 

gif by @captnswilson

Honestly, I really loved the sex scene between John and Timothy near the end of the film when they are back in John’s childhood home to celebrate Christmas with John’s family. John has been receiving treatment for cancer, and is very weak, on oxygen and everything since his lungs have been having a lot of trouble recently. I love that every part of it is so slow and tender, John and Timothy dancing together in John’s room, paralleling the way they danced together at Tim’s sister’s wedding not long after their HIV diagnoses. 

John, as weak as he is, as hard as it is for him to breathe, asks Tim to screw him, and we get absolutely the slowest and most intentional sex scene of the entire film (and there are many sex scenes in this film). I do not think that all sex needs to be tender, do not get me wrong, but I did really love the way that with how obvious it is that John does not have much time left, they take their time with this. It is just such a beautiful expression of love between these two. I appreciate too that they make this sex scene beautiful, that sex between an actively dying cancer patient is held as high or higher in beauty and artistry as all the sex Tim and John were having over the 15 year course of their relationship. It is very obvious that this is a last goodbye, but for all that sex has at times been avoided in this film, for the time it brought HIV into their lives, sex is not a bad thing, sex is a necessary and wanted thing, I just liked it as a part of their goodbyes to each other. 

Favorite Quote

“How can you write this play? You’re making assumptions about your status.”

Honestly. What an incredible fucking line. Tim sitting in a room, interviewing a man who is dying of toxoplasmosis because of his HIV status for a play. I am not opposed to people making plays about terminally ill people. I do think it is important to immortalize, to remember, to tell stories. But for the love of GOD you canNOT go waltzing in to a dying man’s apartment, wipe your hands on his chair after you shake his hand because his AIDS disgusts you, and then demand his life story and his thoughts about dying. 

Tim had so much unprotected sex in college, Tim is hiding from the (possible) truth, Tim does not want to know. What right does Tim have to ask others for their stories when he is running from his own? 

Score

9/10

[onecinder]

Jack and Ennis: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Kinda expanding on my analysis of Ennis and Jack's physical fight, or at least there are some of my opinions I covered in that post that I stated again here but without much context or explanation.

Inspired by a forum thread I saw on ennisjack.com

I'm gonna be kinda biased against Ennis here, just a fair warning.

---

Okay, there's a lot to unpack here (probably just parroting the film though) but I've tried my best to sift out the filler. I promise at the end there will be a kind of nutshell.

---

Obviously, a large part of why their relationship would never have worked out in the first place is because of the homophobia of the period. It's what the film is about.

But I'm gonna say, the toxic masculinity and homophobia that period propagated affected Ennis especially, and he is also a large part of why their relationship took a tragic, almost ugly, turn.

Yes, he’s truly traumatised by what he saw as a 9 year old boy, but I truly think he just isn’t a sentimental or empathetic person and doesn’t know how much he is hurting others. We see him throughout his entire life constantly pushing others away, incapable of forming lasting relationships — and he is always the one who messes up.

This is no different for his relationship with Jack.

Brokeback Mountain: neverland

In a way, Ennis doesn’t want to grow up. Brokeback Mountain serves as a little bubble where they can be 19 year old boys again — and it’s incredibly easy to do so. They escape for a few days, be passionate, be… well, I would say romantic, but that isn’t really the case on Ennis’s part, save for a few snatched moments, such as that infamous HugSceneTM.

Yet, in the short story, take a look at this quote from jack's pov:

Later, that dozy embrace solidified in his memory as the single moment of artless, charmed happiness in their separate and difficult lives. Nothing marred it, even the knowledge that Ennis would not then embrace him face to face because he did not want to see nor feel that it was Jack he held. And maybe, he thought, they'd never got much farther than that. Let be, let be.

Jack is quite idealistic for the stereotypical hypermasculine, grounded cowboy raised in the rural west of the United States that he's supposed to be. He likes to complain and bitch about things because he wants to improve them. But Ennis is the one thing he accepts that he can't change or live his life to the fullest with.

This dozy embrace -- 'artless, charmed happiness' -- perfectly captures the authentic, raw, almost primal nature of the mountain for them. It's why they keep coming back. They can pretend everything is A-OK, they can be careless and carefree like they were at nineteen years old. Then they leave, and are forced to return to reality again.

But while Ennis leans into this neverland, this 'paradise', Jack wants to break free. In their final interaction, he says this infamous line:

"You wouldn't do it, Ennis, so what we got now is Brokeback Mountain. It's all we got, boy, fuckin all."

The key to the tragedy of their relationship is contentment. Ennis has always been content with keeping his head down low, accepting things as they are, being a realist. He is content with the easy path of going into relationships very reluctantly and pushing people away.

He's fallen into this never ending cycle (or so he believed) of going to Brokeback Mountain for some easy 'high altitude fucks once or twice a year', avoiding emotional attachment, avoiding confronting Jack's frustrated feelings. It always ends in the termination of that relationship. This has happened with literally every relationship, romantic or familial, he's tried to have. At some point Jack wants to grow up. He wants something more.

Anything worth doing requires sacrifice and hard work. Ennis is a realist in his time, but in our day and age, he would probably be considered a nihilist. (Though take that with a grain of salt, I am in a very privileged position and wasn't alive in the 1960s either, so I can't really speak accurately on that.)

"How long?" "For as long as we can ride it. There ain't no reins on this one."

He was utterly unsurprised when Jack died. He was devastated, clearly, and it hurt a whole fucking damn much and he probably didn't see it coming, but he definitely wasn't surprised after it happened. He predicted the bronco would buck them off at some point from the very start, as we can see with that quote.

Power imbalance

In their relationship Ennis has always been the one calling the shots. Look at that shot on the morning after the tent scene — Ennis is holding a GUN while Jack comes up behind him, as if in defense. He wants to close himself off, he’s afraid of love, he’s afraid of commitment. And he’s also afraid of what will happen to them if society found out. That gun being cocked in that particular shot was definitely NOT a coincidence, especially with how meticulously placed the rest of the props and details are in the entire movie.

Jack was neglected as a child, his father never treated him well. Joe Aguirre sorta took advantage of him labourally and financially because he is perceived as a naive, idealistic kid. Ennis treated him no different.

Jack puts up with a LOT of shit from Ennis, let's be real — Ennis PUNCHES him at one point and never apologises. The only thing he has to say is ‘thought you were still sore from that punch'... Like, that's not how you treat a human being, whatever the relationship.

He didn't act out in physical self defense -- Jack clearly wasn't intending to hurt him. But I do think Ennis’s punch was not out of anger either, but out of defensiveness, of his heart.

Ennis has the tendency to lock himself up and throw away the key. But, Jack being Jack, of course he swam down there to get it despite the whole world telling him not to. And he drowned.

But because of Jack’s childhood and history with being exploited or treated badly, he either sees the glaring red flags and just rolls with it because he loves Ennis, or doesn’t see it at all.

When Jack accidentally elbows Ennis in the nose and causes him to bleed, he’s immediately by his side out of care, shows a lot of concern, yet Ennis punches him and doesn’t show remorse for it -- he truly doesn't know the impact he has on other people (cue: Cassie Cartwright) and toxic masculinity has trained him to express his emotions as... you guessed it, anger. (Cue: him being afraid Alma would talk and threatening her quite aggressively. Then taking it out on a random driver. Also cue those two bikers talking behind his back, you know how that ended.)

Ennis is not comfortable with being openly caring, because men weren’t supposed to do that. Men were supposed to get into fights and be angry.

Also, we get this high shot of Ennis on top of the horse looking down at Jack on the morning after. He’s quite literally ‘above him’. And the look he gives Jack as he rides away, faced with the hope and dread simultaneously coexisting in Jack's eyes, the 'see you for supper'... the look Ennis gives in return is just so FUCKING HEARTBREAKING. IT'S FULL OF CONTEMPT.

Ennis is too rough

Sometimes I wonder if Ennis just sees Jack as a usable object — he disregards his feelings and deals with him roughly and carelessly. Both physically and emotionally.

Ennis is quite insensitive. The toxic beliefs society has imbued in him has subsequently bled into the lives of people around him — he forced his ‘way’ onto them to deal with his own problems. He wants control. He wants to call the shots. (We see he’s on the giving end in the tent scene, but the way he hauls Jack onto all fours, the way they do it silently, Jack is depicted in a way where his own pleasure and feelings are completely disregarded. They're could be rutting animals for all we know.)

Evidence of Ennis being careless with relationships is consistent in any one he's ever been in — platonic, romantic, or familial.

He and Alma didn’t work out. He and Cassie didn’t work out. And especially he and his daughter/s. And the funny thing is, it’s always ENNIS who jumps ship — EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WANTED TO BE CLOSER TO HIM. BUT ENNIS SAID, NO, I DON’T WANT IT, and in the fight or flight response he chose flight.

Jack has sacrificed a LOT to be with him — monogamy (for as long as he could), meeting up only a few times a year for only a few days, not progressing their relationship on a romantic or emotional level in any way,  even though HE is always the one compromising, HE is always the one giving in their relationship, and Ennis has unintentionally treated him in a way that he’s not satisfied with at all. Where is the give and take in this relationship? Where is the equality, the mutual respect of each other's wishes? This imbalance takes on a physical form as Jack is always the one driving to Wyoming to meet with Ennis. Even Lureen comments on this. Yes, Ennis physically can't make it in his pickup, but this is too coincidental to not be a metaphor. There are already others like the soup and the fight scene.

How did two people like this even fall in love? Was it even love?

Oh hell, that's an extremely silly question. On Jack’s end, yes, of course it was. Otherwise he wouldn’t have pushed so hard to pursue a full life with Ennis not just as a sexual partner. He wouldn’t have put up with this much shit from him if it wasn’t worth it.

Ennis? Yeah, despite everything I bitched about, he loved Jack. In their final scene together Ennis finally allowed himself to be emotionally vulnerable for maybe what was the first time -- confessing that he had also been just as affected and tortured by their love as Jack was.

But the thing is, it’s especially hard on Jack. Because Jack has been treated badly by so many people in his life — Joe Aguirre, his father, his father-in-law, hell LUREEN, and then finally... Ennis. Yet the beautiful thing about him is that he never gave up. He chose the hard path, always.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Ultimately, Ennis's fear, internalised homophobia and toxic masculinity is what prevented them from not just possibly having a good life together, but having any at all (apart from the fact that they might have been killed.) But the subject of trauma is a whole other can of worms, but these are fictional characters so I'm going to take a short leap and say Ennis was a bit selfish and a bit cowardly, but I don't fault him for any of that.

The good is what worked out between him and Jack. The leaps of faith they took, the small steps and fishing trips, their willingness to attempt be together in some capacity in the first place.

The bad is the lack of tact with which some things were handled. Things that, if done differently, could have led to a better outcome. Namely, this is almost entirely on Ennis. Jack has done nothing but try to push the relationship, and yes it could have led to his death but that was intentionally left ambiguous. Therefore we only have Ennis left to blame for the how their relationship resolved; or rather, was left unresolved.

The ugly is what they couldn't control. The rampant homophobia in the world, the perpetuating toxic masculinity, the horrible, cruel nature of many human beings. And of course, their own attraction to each other and desire to be together. It is a gravitational force, a force of nature -- something they can't change, and not only learn to live with but accept wholeheartedly to get the best out of it.

That's why the cinematography of Brokeback Mountain, their paradise, features such stunning, sprawling, saturated scenery rich with the natural environment. It's fruitless to fight against nature.

Anyway, there's no right or wrong answer to how the movie could have ended. Annie Proulx said she hated all the fix-it fanfics because they took away from the realism and core message of her story. Which is true. It's her vision. And Ennis and Jack arguably made the most out of what they were given.... just, Jack more so.

[immortal-rice]

Top 3 movies you would show to spn character of your choice

okay this is difficult bc there's the want of them to enjoy a movie, the joys of my little pony, and needing them to have a crushing realisation a third through the second act. i think i have GOT to show both dean and cas brokeback mountain (for obvious reasons) but i think that the truman show (i am only a liiiitle bit biased as i really like this film) has the same kinda meta theme that has the main characters being controlled by and monitored by a god of sorts for their own entertainment and i hope that'd provide at least *some* insight to later series dean

so i reckon showing dean my little pony: equestria girls (for the shits and giggles), brokeback mountain (yes ik it's expected but there's a reason it is) and the truman show

[bakerstmel]

Fall Favorite Fic Festival, Entry 4

I'm writing this in Memphis, TN, and I can't see any red trees from my hotel window. Too far south to have gotten started, maybe. It's been very overcast. I'm here for a professional meeting, and as is always the case, they've had the AC set to "violent" in the meeting rooms and I don't know that I'll ever be warm again. You know how if you've ever gotten a sunburn, the water in the shower is warmer when it hits your feet than when it comes out of the showerhead, because it's been heated by your skin? My showers here have been the complete opposite of that.

All that to say, I'm still feeling sad, still feeling lonely, definitely facing an anniversary reaction from my sister's passing, and still quite intentionally drowning my sorrows in fic.

I had the best, most angsty fic in mind for this entry, like, call and warn @221bjen level angst, but then one day, this manip came to mind, for no particular reason:

and oh, yeah, baby. I couldn't sign into AO3 fast enough. If you know, you know, and if you don't, you've got to read:

Whiteout, by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John

I will spare your TL by adding a cut here.

This is a fic I re-read fairly often for sheer pleasure, but that is not to say it's fluff. The author tries in the notes to make it sound like fluff, but it's Sherlock and John as part of an aerial rescue team at the freaking Matterhorn and there is ice and danger and multiple CPR events and Greg Lestrade speaking French and secrets and tears and all kinds of relationship drama and it's JUST NOT FLUFF, OK? However, it is written in a fun documentary style (Shane based it on a documentary he came across on Netflix) with mostly dialogue and camera direction and it is a quick, satisfying read.

I've had the pleasure of betaing for this author in the past, and so I've spent more than a little time thinking about his style. He is an extremely versatile writer, and I think this fic really highlights that. If you compare this style to, say, the highly descriptive and romantic (not just in the relationship way, but also in the world-painted-in-perfect-light-way) Gimme Shelter, you wouldn't necessarily know they were written by the same person within a fairly short block of time (8 months). This fic is crisp, well timed, and quickly paced, with perfectly set points of action, snappy dialogue, and not a lot of down time. Gimme Shelter moves well too, but it's a very different feeling, silky and gentle. It's like the difference between taking a shot of great tequila vs savoring a perfect Cabernet. And if that's not enough for you, please note that SWDYCMJ has also written Priestlock, a skiing OT3, a straight-ahead ghost story, Potterlock, and a Black Mirror crossover that kept me on my toes. Plus, of course, the beautiful Brokeback Mountain fusion that still breaks my heart in all the best ways.

I mentioned in my last entry how the artistry in this fandom continues to knock me out to this day, and Shane's collective work is another prime example.

I don't feel like I'm doing this fic justice, but it's kinda hard for me to talk about without ruining the surprise of it. Even discussing the structure is tricky. Just...go read it. You'll thank me later.

[nopefer-art-tu]

i had talked abt this on my twt a few weeks back but lately ive rly been thinking abt the potential to read ennis as aromantic and like. yeah idk i just think its a really intriguing reading into the character

like i personally see both ennis and jack as homosexual for a variety of reasons, mostly bc a. that was the frame of reference that annie proulx was writing under when she had the idea for brokeback mountain (i.e. what would life be like for a ranch hand who was gay?) and b. the book that was given to both heath and jake to prepare for their roles was a compilation of memoirs written by real gay midwestern farmers

BUT. all that aside, i think that an aspec/arospec reading of ennis' character is one of the interesting ways in which we can use the visibility of previously "lesser known" queer identities to analyze this story under a modern lens

cause like, ive mentioned this before but i kinda went insane for awhile and so for the first half of this year i went deep in on brokeback mountain. like, i read every article and listened to every movie podcast about this story that i could get my hands on, and a common debate surrounding the story (so much so that theres a whole section on its wikipedia page dedicated to it) is the debate around whether jack and ennis are gay men or bisexual men

and like...sure, okay, theres definitely valid readings in both of them. I just think that, since our understandings of romantic and sexual attraction and our vocabulary to describe these different experiences has expanded in the 17 years since the movie's release and the 25 years since the short story's initial publishing, we can take a look at these charas under new lenses with which to analyze them with

i think you can make a very valid argument that ennis is a gray-area aromantic who falls in love with the one person in his life who hes able to open up, relate to, and create a super close bond with, especially if you consider ennis' extreme loneliness throughout his entire life. it only really hit me the other day, when i was rly thinking deep about this, how hard it must have been for someone in his circumstances to meet people and make friends around his age, considering the fact that he dropped out of high school as a freshman in order to work to support him and his siblings after his parents died.

couple that w this sort of stoic, distant personality type that the hard, rough, small town american west sort of breeds into men from a young age, and like. i dunno, it makes perfect sense to me that an aromantic ennis would fall in love with the one person who hes forced to spend an extended amount of time with, who he later finds out has also grown up a poor, drop-out ranch hand with a hard home life. especially since jack also made an early effort to get to know ennis, i just think it was all the prime circumstances for him to end up falling in love.

i also think it tracks w both heath and jake's mentality when approaching these characters? cause in interviews they gave at the time, they both kinda maintained this belief that ennis anc jack were both "straight" men who just so happened to fall in love w another man

and like. setting aside the fact that that was a VERY 2005 thing to say, lol, i think the idea of someone like ennis by chance falling in love w a man still tracks if you read him as arospec. like it still comes w all the trials and tribulations of him being invested in this homosexual love affair, as well as all the internal tension he must be feeling (i.e. why am i in love with him? shouldnt i be feeling this way about Alma? what is wrong with me?). like thats very much a universal queer struggle that you can read into his character regardless of what sexual orientation you see him as

anyways tl;dr the conversations around the sexuality of the characters in brokeback mountain is rly fascinating and i think that we can look back with our expanded knowledge of sexuality and see these characters in a lot of interesting ways

[allansbrainrot]

Last night I was sobbing about Brokeback Mountain, two hours of sleep later I kinda wanna write a Destiel retelling of it (and maybe make the ending a bit happier) but I think I'll have to read the story the movie is based on first

[variousqueerthings]

Tom Hardy Movies rated least to most queer

I made a list of some Tom Hardy movies and I rated them based on my own, non-specific criteria about what makes a movie queer. Results below the cut.

(Some films not included, because I haven’t watched them yet, because Mr Hardy’s only in them for a few minutes, because the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to this list, or because I just don’t want’em here. TV series also not included. The list is organised into both groups and ratings, because I’m doing The Most.)

Movies are divided into four groups and rated from 0 – 10 on the Queer-Scale, scroll down to the bottom if you want the ratings without the commentary.

Disclaimer: This list is subjective. Don’t come at me because I didn’t rate Inception higher, Nolan himself is as queer as cargo shorts. 

1. This movie would make more sense if it were queer

If this movie were queer it… might not become a perfect film all of a sudden, but it’d make a hell of a lot more sense than what’s actually going on. With an occasional dose of “are the cis-straights okay?”

This Means War (2012): So Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are ostensibly both in love with Reese Witherspoon, but say “I love you” to each other pretty much constantly throughout the movie and their friendship is often presented as a domestic partnership. Cool, cool, cooool.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10. This movie hate-crimed me by having Tom Hardy literally spell out his relationship with Chris Pine, only for the script to then have him say… “can you imagine all that… but with a woman…” Later on the movie explicitly denies polyamory is possible. Fuck this film.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Batman movies should always be queer. Mr. Hardy’s the only one who acceptably camps it up, despite Nolan’s best attempts to make him “acceptably gruff.” No matter what you do, Bane is a massive daddy in a mask and thanks to Mr Hardy’s honestly iconic fucking speech pattern in this film, it goes from pretty atrociously straight to just queer enough to imagine a future where Robert Pattinson plays batman and maybe adopts a bunch of kids.

(the only truly decent mask in this franchise tbh)

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. Mr Hardy’s back is the one that’s actually broken carrying any semblance of fun in this overly long movie all on his own.

Lawless (2012): Wow, this really was the year of the not-queer-enough, wasn’t it? Look, it’s “based on a real story,” but it’s also a movie and movies don’t need to stick to the truth, and this one certainly doesn’t. Was the guy queer in real life? I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s just kind of an eh movie and maybe being queer would add something to it. One of those “but why make someone queer? because it’s always more interesting to do so,” movies.

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. It’s just not queer. But Tom Hardy wears cardigans and described his character as a “mother figure,” which adds an interesting dynamic to him.

2. Actually Queer but in a homophobic way

Tom Hardy plays a canonically queer character, yaaay. The whole movie contains a strange sense of the director being too not-queer to actually engage with that and everything around him is almost aggressively straight, noooo.

RocknRolla (2008): Honestly this movie has the funniest coming out scene ever + that familiar undertone of “all these manly men secretly want to fuck each other” is only heightened by one of them actually being gay and in love with his best friend. It’s such a fucking… it’s such a movie. Personally I find Mark Strong, Idris Elba, Thandie Newton, and, of course, Tom Hardy to be really hot in it, so that’s a plus. There’s a scene in which Strong’s character teaches another gangster how to do a proper backhand. It’s really gay of him. Also slow-dancing at a gay club. Butler’s character needs to get himself together, you really don’t think 2008 Tom Hardy is hot? Mate.

(left to right: functional queer, disaster queer, distinguished queer)

Queer Rating: 6 out of 10, for having an actual gay character who is played by Tom Hardy doing a sexy phonecall voice to another guy, but then there’s that feeling you can’t shake that the whole movie is vaguely uncomfortable about it, like a family member awkwardly patting you on the shoulder after they found out you were queer second-hand, but they’ve still got 50 years of bias to unlearn. Also Thandie Newton is killed, fuck that noise. 

Legend (2015): If I had a nickle for the amount of times Tom Hardy’s played a gay gangster, I’d have two nickles. Which isn’t a lot, but weird that it happened twice (looks at Peaky Blinders and thinks it ought to be three times). I’ve watched Legend three times and every time it just… loses me. And because this is a biased list, I’ll only specifically mention that it fails to make Ron’s queerness anything but a way for him to shock others. Gangsters could be gay? Gasp! On the upside Tom Hardy has so much sexual tension with everyone in this movie, including himself (why would you do that? Asks Ron, bemused. Because I can’t kill you, no matter how much I fucking want to, hisses a blood-soaked Reggie right into his ear. It’s hot).

Queer rating: 5 out of 10 because the film is just not very queer for a movie with several queer men in it.

3. Straight as a forced family dinner

It’s straight.

Locke (2013): He’s a married man who had an affair and trying to deal with the fallout of it. This isn’t a spoiler for most of the movie, it’s a pretty neat movie where we look at Tom Hardy having a bit of a mental breakdown and taking lots of phonecalls (my personal hell). Is it queer? Not in the slightest.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10 for Hardy’s face being in almost every shot.

The Revenant (2015): Yeah, yeah, DeCaprio’s and Hardy’s characters are obsessed with each other, yeah it’s a man’s world where the only women are dead wife, kidnapped sexually assaulted native princess, or background whore, yeah, they fight each other and there’s a ton of grunting, but also… I just fucking don’t like this movie. The thin line where a storyline like this one becomes queer might be crossed for others, but not for me. Fuck these guys and their stupid  bear fights.

Queer rating: 3 out of 10 for it being about dirty men in the middle of nowhere (but you could just watch Brokeback Mountain or The Lighthouse or God’s Own Country or any Mad Max, or, or, or…)

4. Queer? Queer. Queer? … Queer…

The plots, aesthetics and/or characters played by Tom Hardy lend themselves to a queer reading, even if there is no overt intention towards queerness. Often this is because of a deliberate lack of heterosexual and/or cisgender writing, which in this day and age is still pretty uncommon not to include within a plot.

Inception (2010): Okay, I don’t even need to write about the added “darling,” or the “go to sleep Mr Eames.” I don’t need to go on about the absolutely bonkers amount of fanfiction written for Eames and Arthur, based on a few minutes of film and a boatload of chemistry. It’s queer.

Queer Rating: 7 out of 10, because the actual plot of the film isn’t very queer, but between the Arthur/Eames dynamic and Elliot Page, Nolan was really given a gift he didn’t deserve.

Warrior (2011): Okay, so first off, this might be my favourite Tom Hardy film, at least some part of my brain is fixated on it at almost all times and I’m considering watching it for the third time in two weeks. I don’t only consider it queer based on Mr. Hardy’s character, although he has no romantic or sexual interest and could be read as aroace, but because of the themes, especially those surrounding said character, who is coded as a caregiver to women and through close emotional connections to men. It’s got possibly unintentional deconstructions of masculinity and two men (brothers) who need to forgive each other and can only do so through the catharsis of violence. It speaks to me as a transmasc with several cis brothers, struggling with my own masculinity. It’s not at all written for me, but I find myself all over it. I could talk about this movie forever.

Queer Rating: 8 out of 10. I’m not allowed to say any more or I’ll never stop writing about it. I love you Tommy…

The Drop (2014): Bob’s lack of sexual and/or romantic interest in Naomi is so strange to her that she doesn’t know what he would want from her otherwise. Bob really just wants to raise a dog with her (and also forgiveness for past sins). Bob is such a rare ace and possibly aro coded character, it really throws me every time I watch this film how obvious it is. Bonus points for also being autistic-coded and not in the stereotypical ways.

(Tom Hardy’s most challenging role: pretending he doesn’t know dogs)

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10 because it’s so fucking rare to see ace and aro coded characters that aren’t, you know…. serial killers. Also Tom Hardy adopts a puppy and has a very cute, kinda lispy voice. How often does Tom Hardy play softer men like this?

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015): Very deliberately no sexual or romantic writing included in Max’s and Furiosa’s relationship. Sure, there’s not a lot of time for that in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, but it was also done with a purpose! “It was always going to be two warriors on par, starting off with very little respect for each other and ending up with a massive respect for each other.” - Charlize Theron. “So of course they meet, of course there’s a relationship, an unspoken understanding. A recognition.” - Tom Hardy.

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10. It’s not just the characters, but the world and it’s apocalyptic BDSM leather scene, the questions it asks about sustainability and about people as tools, and the found family. It’s about overcoming violence through multiple kinds of love. And it’s about watching a guy playing flame-thrower guitar. What could be queerer?

Venom (2018): Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same… No, but Eddie is queer. The only question is whether the sequel will acknowledge that aspect or not, but even if not. Even if it manages to straightly bypass the reality of a symbiotic relationship with a genderless? genderfluid? being from another world that is linked to you down to your very cells and understands you more intimately than any other person possibly could… even if all that: Eddie is queer. Venom and Eddie are in a relationship. Any relationship Eddie ever enters into will automatically become a thrupple. He makes out with Venom in the movie! Eddie is queer.

(aw yeah that tongue is going down his throat)

Queer Rating: 9.5 out of 10, because it’s still coded by the creators in the language of bromance (hey, bro, is it gay if we’re physically and emotionally closer than any other people on earth?), but the movie is so, so camp and Mr Hardy’s acting choices are beautiful – the screaming? The lispy soft voice and lack of taking up space? The lobster tank? The only people who don’t know how queer this is are the people making it apparently. Fingers crossed for that sequel!

Hon. mentions:

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002): Star Trek – even at it’s worst (especially at its worst?) – is camp af + Hardy is a straight-up baby in this film.

Bronson (2008): It’s about a real person who’s still alive, so I won’t comment on the actual man. However the film seems to code the character Bronson along an ace line and also has genderqueering Vaudeville. Someone let Tom Hardy do more of whatever was going on in those stage-bits.

(this right here: this the good shit)

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011): Another ensemble piece not massively about Hardy’s character, but it’s a movie that centers around queerness in a strange, depressing way. Tom Hardy’s character isn’t queer. Colin Firth and Mark Strong are though. The book makes me cry.

Peaky Blinders (2013-): Because it’s a TV series I left it out. There’s a lot of straight nonsense going on there, but Alfie Solomens is gay. There’s nothing in the series that disputes that and plenty that lends itself to the reading.

Dunkirk (2017): Tom Hardy plays an RAF pilot in a deep emotional connection with the other main RAF pilot. That’s immediately gay. However he’s not in the movie much because of the way it’s constructed, so I left it off.

Queer Ratings (least to most)

No queer to be found here traveller:

This Means War: 2 out of 10 - illegal movie, Tom Hardy swore he wouldn’t do another rom-com after

Locke: 2 out of 10 - straight Welshman and his straight problems. He pretty though

Lawless: 3 out of 10 - cardigan-Hardy being a mother-hen, but very straight for all that

The Dark Knight Rises: 3 out of 10 - a superhero movie that doesn’t deserve Mr Hardy’s camp talents (unlike Venom)

The Revenant: 3 out of 10 - doesn’t give me what I want out of a movie full of dirty, bearded men

Queer but we deserve more:

Legend: 5 out of 10 - timid homosexuality, considering the source material. 

RocknRolla: 6 out of 10 - hey bro, is it gay if we kill the only female lead in our massive ensemble cast

The queerest of Hardy’s:

Inception: 7 out of 10 - Elliot Page and JGL kissing was an all-around terrible choice that made no sense, we know the truth, Nolan

Warrior: 8 out of 10 - I’m still crying, Edgerton’s crying, Hardy’s crying, we’re all crying, and I think that’s really emotionally healthy and queer of us

Mad Max: Fury Road: 9 out of 10 - non-romantic love in the time of BDSM post-apocalyptic wastelands is something that can actually be so personal

The Drop: 9 out of 10 - “Fucking punk. Go out to dinner dressed like you're still in you living room! You wear those big hippity-hoppity clown shoes! You speak to women terribly! You treat them despicably! You hurt harmless dogs that can't defend themselves! I'm tired of you man. I'm tired of you. You embarrass me!”

Venom: 9.5 out of 10 - Sometimes a relationship is an anxious reporter, the sentient goo inhabiting his body, his kinda-ex-girlfriend and her new doctor boyfriend, and I think that’s beautiful

[sadachmesarthim]

C-cowboy starker? What if cowboy starker, I mean? I think... cattle driver Tony maybe, and ranch hand Peter,,, always wanted to write about this but I’m shy 🙈

mid-writing edit: i’ve spent half an hour on this and my computer is literally lagging with how fast i’m typing. i really hope this makes sense because holy shit, i love cowboy starker. anon, i need you in my inbox every single fucking time you have an idea about starker. idk if it’s in passing, idk if it’s super fleeting and doesn’t make sense. anon, you are my muse

ohhhhh my god anon i ,, love this idea so much i’ve actually thought about this a bit ngl you don’t even know how much i like western aus

okay so hear me out:

i’m thinking brokeback type shit, right?? but just a tad different like be honest who doesn’t like the whole bbm trope yfm and twink jake gyllenhaal is my baby okay okay okay sorry babe i’m still crossfaded as fuck and i could talk about that movie for days anyway back on topic

- no okay but think of it - tony, he’s recently divorced and morgan, his baby girl, his one and only daughter, she’s 19 now and seeing this absolute gentleman of a roughneck. his house is empty, he isn’t paying child support anymore, he doesn’t have this bitchy redhead on his ass 24/7 about getting a job in the city

- because tony hates the city, hates that his father dragged them away from the mountains and prairies he remembers from his childhood. hates what the city gave him - black eyes and mean names and disappointed parents

- so tony high tailed it the fuck out of dodge the second he turned 18. abandoned school, abandoned his family, took his beat up ford out to montana and disappeared. married this nice girl, virginia pepper, worked construction to support her while she went to school. had a pretty baby girl a year or two later. moved both of his girls out to a ranch he bought with their tiny savings, got a couple’a cows and a horse and made friends with a neighbor with a bull

- but eventually, pep had bigger dreams. they were both young when they got married, didn’t look past the immediate sexual compatibility to see that their futures were well and truly not going to go well together

- so she left the ranch, took morgan with, and made her way to the city. became some big lawyer or doctor or businesswoman or something, tony didn’t know. didn’t really care because the child support invoices still came every single month like clockwork. 

- so instead of focusing on his distant daughter and his ex wife that wouldn’t listen to him and his family that just... didn’t understand, he threw himself into the wildlife around him

- became closer with those neighbors that had a bull. eventually came to an agreement and let him free with his girls

- built a very solid herd of highlanders in a handful of years, slowly attracting the attention of more and more owners wanting to trade, to buy, to sell 

- and maybe one year, he realizes, he’s in a bit too far over his head with this. he has 100 of these four legged fuckers, he has 50 acres to take care of by himself, he has horses to feed and shoe and groom. he has fields to plant and water and harvest if he wants to feed any of the animals mentioned above

- so he reaches out to his neighbors, puts feelers out and sees if anyone knows a farmhand who’d want to help him out, maybe live on the property full time for a bit. and when he gets a call back his heart breaks a bit, because oh my god he wasn’t prepared for this

- a kid, can’t have been more than morgan’s age, has responded to him, and he’s good with his hands mr. stark, and he knows his way around animals mr. stark, been takin’ care of ‘em for his whole life now mr. stark 

- and this kid is ,, he sounds so innocent and sweet there’s no way tony’s gonna say yes before he actually meets him 

- so tony gives the kid his address, tells him to come out and give things a once over before he makes his mind up

- so peter does. he comes out, introduces himself, looks around the property with tony. and tonys heart hurts, because this kid, this kid that’s standing right in front of him, is almost skin and bones and looks like he’s about to crumble into dust and blow away in his hands

- he brings peter into the house, brings him coffee, offers him food. even after peter politely declines he brings over some bread to share, maybe a slice of pie?? maybe tony can cook and bake. he has a sweet tooth after all, and he’s been on his own for the better part of two decades. 

- and he really gets to know peter. they sit, they talk, until the sun dips down and the open mountain chill takes over them

- and peter tells him that he’s been on his own for a couple of years, that his parents died when he was young and that his aunt and uncle took him in on their ranch. that he grew up around animals, working, helping out

- but when they died the property was repossessed by the bank and peter’d all but ran with ben’s keys and the clothes on his back. he’s been on the road ever since, going from missouri to texas to wyoming to montana, all in search of work, never staying in one place longer than a few months. 

- he doesn’t tell tony that he’s secretly so, so tired of life on the road. doesn’t say how elated he was when he heard someone was looking for a fairly long-term live in farm hand. because that’s something he knew, something he was good at. 

- he also doesn’t tell tony that his heart skipped several beats in a row the second peter laid eyes on him, and that he really wants to work for the gorgeous man in front of him

- it’s finally dark, his coffee cup is long empty and abandoned and peter’s just spilled nearly every single deep dark secret he’s ever had. tony’s closing the windows, and peter makes for the door. he’s taken up enough of this beautiful kind man’s time, he should leave before he stays even further past his welcome

- but tony’s stopping him, blocking him from the door, lightly grabbing his wrist and turning peter to face him fully

- and he’s asking begging pleading  telling peter he should stay, that the spare room upstairs is warm and not going to be used anytime soon. that he still needs a farmhand and, as he sees it, peter’s already here

- secretly, tony can’t stand to see him leave

- he couldn’t handle letting his man this... kid, really, leave. not when tony could provide for him. not when he could feed him until his edges soften and his cheeks round out and his tummy gets squishy. not when he could work him into a sweat outside, watch that paperwhite skin turn a rich tan under the summer sun

- not even when he realizes the sudden care for the orphan in front of him is slowly becoming less familial, less platonic, and more... instinctual. base. greedy. 

- because who better to make sure this kid is looked after than tony? tony, who has work-worn hands and time-softened eyes and cooking skills any bachelor would die for

- it’s honestly not even that shocking to him when peter says yes

- not when he takes his hand off the doorknob and immediately turns, immediately breathes out a “yes, yes of course mr. stark, thank you so much mr. stark, i’ll do whatever you need me to, you’re incredible mr. stark”

- and it all immediately goes to tony’s dick head because fuck, that was not the intended reaction but it was absolutely welcome, what the fuck

- so tony takes him upstairs, gets peter settled in the guest bedroom right across from his own

- and when he goes to bed that night he absolutely does not touch himself while thinking about the barely 20something thats maybe 10 feet away. doesn’t think about what peter said earlier, with tony’s hand wrapped around his wrist

- absolutely doesn’t cum with peter’s name on his lips, biting down on his knuckles so peter doesn’t hear

- and peter absolutely doesn’t cum with three fingers in his ass, tears streaming down his face, listening to the creaking mattress springs and heavy breathing from across the hall. of course he doesn’t

- and of course they don’t get along well. of course not. of course they don’t work together like they’re telepathically connected, not even needing to speak to know what the other is thinking. it’s like peter can read his mind, knowing exactly what needs done when

- but it’s not just tony. peter can tell before anyone else when the farrier needs to be called. when one of the girls is pregnant, even before she starts showing. knows when one of the cattle dogs has a hurt paw without even seeing him. can tell when it’s going to rain, so he knows whether or not it’ll be a good day to cut the alfalfa fields

- it’s a little freaky to be honest but tony doesn’t hate it. it’s really useful with everything on the farm, and it’s... it’s nice. having someone that can so effortlessly understand him. 

- it’s also like peters... totally unaware of it. like he doesn’t even know he knows things he shouldnt know. which blows tony’s mind even more. 

- it kinda turns him on, and he finds himself with his hand around his cock wondering if peter knows he’s getting off thinking about him. like, more than once. maybe even more than once a week. definitely more than once a week. 

- and maybe peters kind of catching on, a little. that maybe his feelings toward his employer/landlord/new friend are shared

- it also doesn’t help that he gets uncontrollably aroused every time tony goes to bed. like. every... single... time...

- peter always knew he was.. attentive. but he didn’t know it would manifest as literally feeling tony’s arousal through the fucking walls

- and it doesn’t help that peter’s filling out. he’s getting darker as the months get warmer, he’s getting significantly more meat on his bones now that he’s eating more and working more

- and it really doesn’t help that tony is getting eyefuls of the half naked ranch hand almost 24/7. it’s really not his fault that peter works better without a shirt on

- and maybe it comes to a head one day. maybe they’re picking up alfalfa bales from one of the fields and they stop to take a break and tony just ,, can’t handle sweaty, tan, barely-a-twink-anymore peter.

- and peter can feel it, with his ,, unique senses, that tony’s watching him. like, a lot. like, way more than normal even 

- so he decides to play it up a bit. he takes his shirt off, he throws his gloves in the bed of the truck and balls the tee in his hands, wiping his face off with it and sighing deeply

- and he knows tony saw that because he could fucking hear tony’s breathing change and he smirks a little bit, because that’s enough confirmation for him to know for sure

- so he looks up, and he meets tony’s eyes, and they’re wild and feral and tony looks like one of the wolves that tried to take out one of their cows last winter - hungry and ready to devour what was in front of him

- and peter just looks at him, a little incredulous, and finally speaks up: ‘you gonna get over here ‘n kiss me, or what?’ - and tony fucking breaks

- he turns the truck off and slams the door when he gets out, grabbing peter by the neck and fucking dragging him against tony’s clothed body

- “do you know what you’ve been doing this whole time?” 

- of course peter does, tony, you fucking moron. he knows and he’s been trying to get you to rip him to shreds, dumbass. you’re just oblivious

- but tony still can’t help but see the tiny young man that walked up on his doorstep those years ago, can’t help but want to protect him and keep him safe and warm and fed 

- so of course tony wanted to go slow, and wanted to be gentle with peter

- but pete was having fucking none of that, because oh my god tony i’m not 19 anymore please just fuck me already and been wanting you for way too long and please tony just--  and he grabs tony’s hand and makes him squeeze even harder

- and it’s hot, and it’s messy, and it’s not even really sex, just them rutting and grabbing and jerking each other off up against the door of tony’s truck, belt buckles undone and jeans just barely tugged down

- and tony’s basking in it, watching peter’s eyes screw shut and his pretty plush lips open and the little ‘aah, nngh fuck, tony’s that push their way from his throat

- and he knows, the second they’re done here, they’re abandoning their work for the day and he’s taking peter back to the house and he’s going to show him what this is like for real, what it means to be touched with intention and love and emotion behind it - not just a quick handjob standing in the hay field

- and he does. he worships peter’s body when they get back to the house

- he kisses every single part of him, nips at the tiny bit of excess fat on his stomach and thighs and hips, relishing in the fact that peter is his, his to take care of, his to keep safe and healthy and happy

- and eventually, the guest room opens up again. peter’s stuff slowly moves into tony’s room. he stops getting paid, but that’s okay

- because why would you get paid to work on your own farm? 

[sayyestomi]

brokeback mountain ending rewrite.

hello writeblr and people broken-hearted by this movie years later. i took it upon myself to rewrite the ending because i am sick of the kill your gays trope. (the fic on ao3 and the fic itself are below)

the ride from ennis’ house back to alma’s house was quiet minus the occasional small talk. alma jr. fiddled with her fingers, lost in thought. he could tell since she was a spitting image of him in terms of personality. it was a surprise since he wasn’t really around between work and his fishing trips. but the two hung out the most when he was home. alma jr. kinda liked the divorce. it meant she got to spend more time with her favorite parent. she stayed in thought for a little while longer before speaking up.

“hey dad, can i stay with you? it’s been stressful at home with mom and the new baby. been getting stricter with me and jenny too.” she murmured, still fidgeting with her fingers.

ennis sat there and thought for a moment. a small smile started to tug at the corner of his lips but immediately tried to shove it down.

“i’ll have to make a few phone calls but get your stuff packed when you get in the house. i’ll call when everything’s ready.”

“promise?”

“promise. run along kid.”

alma jr. got out of the car and got inside the house. ennis made sure she got inside safely before driving off to his house. on the way home he thought about having alma jr. around all the time again. he was gonna try and make sure to be around a lot more this time. the one thing that would be keeping them apart would be work this time.

once he got home he immediately picked up the phone and called jack. he patiently waited for him to answer the phone, lighting a cigarette in the process. he was hoping it was actually jack and not his wife.

“twist residence, jack speakin’.”

“jackie it’s me, ennis. it’s important.”

“ennis! is everything alright? are you alright?”

“yeah everything’s fine, i’m alright. it’s just, aj said she wants to come live with me. remembered you sayin’ something about gettin’ a place together so i figured i’d take that up now.”

“there’s one i’ve been eyein’ near brokeback mountain. should fit all four of us if the kids share a room.”

“how much?”

“don’t you worry your pretty little head.” jack chuckled, twirling the phone cord as he leaned against the kitchen wall.

“fine fine.” ennis was smiling, and big. jack could hear it through the phone.

“i’ll talk to my boy about it if you’ll talk to aj about it.”

“i promised i’d call her when i finish making arrangements.”

“go do that then. i’ll talk to ya tonight or tomorrow. love you.”

“yeah yeah i will. love you too jackass.” ennis laughed.

“i’ll kick your ass for that one when we see each other.”

“you won’t do shit to me. anyway i gotta call my girl before my head gets ripped off.” ennis hung up and called alma’s house. he was hoping one of his daughters answered. he wouldn’t be able to tolerate his ex wife or her stupid ass husband. unfortunately, alma answered. he could hear the chaos in the background. he was trying to listen for aj in the back, just in case he needed to go get her now.”

“van buren residence this is alma speaking.”

“can you put alma jr. on the phone?”

“ennis? what could you possibly want with her? she just got home.”

“forgot to tell her something.”

“well whatever you say to her you can say to me.”

“will you just put her on the goddamn phone and don't be so damn invasive.”

alma sighed and put the phone on her chest before calling alma jr. to the kitchen. she came running from her room and shooed her mother away, eagerly grabbing the phone.

“so? are you gonna be able to do it?”

“yeah. you’ll have to stay here for a day or two because my friend and his boy are gonna come live with us too. you can take my room and i’ll take the couch for the time being.”

“that works. i just really need to get out of here.”

“your stuff all ready?”

“uh huh. how are you gonna come back here without mom knowing?”

“just say you’re gonna be out for the night, wait outside on the porch, then i’ll come get you.”

“but she’s gonna flip when i’m not gonna be home tomorrow.”

“she’ll be alright. she’s probably bracing for you to get out any day now since you are the oldest.”

“yeah but this is out of the blue and without her knowing.”

“once she notices you’re gone she’ll call me and i’ll tell her everything.”

“are you sure?”

“yes i’m sure. pack a small bag for the next day or two so you don’t have to unpack everything.”

“already on it.”

“that’s my girl. you eaten yet?”

“is it okay if i lie so we can go out for dinner?”

“sure kiddo.”

“then no, i haven’t eaten.”

“get your stuff together then. i’ll be there soon. love you kid.”

“love you too dad.” aj hung up and went back in her room to get her stuff together,

ennis was glad he didn’t start relaxing quite yet. he threw his jacket and boots on, grabbed his keys and went out to his truck. that truck was his pride and joy besides aj and jack. he hopped in and drove over to alma’s house. he got there and motioned for her to hop in. she did so and threw her stuff in the backseat.

“any restaurant in particular you want to go to?”

“nope.” aj shook her head.

ennis just drove to denny’s because it was cheap and hell, he’d never been disappointed by it before. he parked and both of them got out. ennis got a coffee because that is all he drinks when he can. aj doesn’t think she’s seen him drink anything else besides beer. she got a hot chocolate to mimic her dad since she wasn’t a coffee drinker at all. everything was going smoothly. they talked a lot more than the small talk in the car. aj actually vented about what was going on at home in great detail. ennis was starting to get angry but he kept his cool. he only hoped jenny could get out of there soon.

at some point ennis heard a familiar voice but he shook it off and thought his mind was messing with him again whenever he missed jack too much. to his surprise, it actually was jack. he didn’t know how he got there so quick but he wasn’t questioning it. he just stayed quiet as he listened to aj ramble about stuff that was going on in school now. she stopped rambling about her home life because she didn’t wanna make things worse with her parents than they already were.

jack knew ennis was there. he saw his truck in the parking lot. hell, the only reason he even brought bobby was the fact that he’d run into ennis on purpose. he waited for him to come over and talk but he kinda got the hint that he was doing the same thing. he excused himself from the table and stood behind ennis. he hushed aj before putting his hands over his eyes.

“guess who?” he chuckled

“mm, i dunno, who could it possibly be?”

“just take a guess.”

“hmmm, is it my landlord trying to get more money out of me?”

jack caved and moved his hands, sitting next to him. “it’s me!” he giggled, taking ennis’ hat off and ruffling his hair.

“jack twist! how in the hell did you get here so fast?”

“a magician never reveals his secrets. and you must be aj. you’ve gotten so big since i’ve last seen you! i’m your dad’s fishing buddy.”

“yeah i know, you’re the infamous jack twist he talks about whenever we’re at home. it’s nice to finally see you in person.” she giggled

“you talk about me ennis?”

“just with aj. she understands. bring your boy over here so we can all have dinner together.”

“that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. we could catch up and then bobby and aj could get to know each other before the move tomorrow.”

jack brought bobby over and surprisingly him and aj hit it off immediately. ennis and jack were relieved because both of them wanted this for so long and now it was finally happening. the dads caught up with each other even though it was only a few weeks since they last saw each other. things started to look up for everyone. jack and ennis could finally be together without their wives, or now, ex wives. aj could get away from the chaos of her mom’s family, and bobby could focus on himself instead of being pressured to be like his dad.

//

the house was absolutely gorgeous. it was near the city but also close enough to the countryside so ennis and jack could work and get away on the weekends. aj and bobby could go to school and spend their weekends in the city with the mall. both of them had the possibility of getting a job but ennis and jack weren’t going to pressure them since they didn’t want their kids overworking themselves like they were. the house was a worn down blue but it worked, it had steps that both jack and ennis had to get used to due to the height difference. they didn’t mind the minor imperfections because just them being together was already perfect.

the moving process wasn’t that bad between jack, bobby, and ennis’ trucks. the bitch of the move was the actual unpacking process. there were days where everybody just thought about tossing the boxes and just buying new stuff. the ideas were immediately put down considering they didn’t have the money to do that now. over a couple of weeks the boxes were unpacked.

surprisingly dinner was being made at home a lot. they did go out to dinner on the weekends when ennis and jack weren’t out spending the night on brokeback mountain. ennis was surprised jack could cook more than just what he could find on the mountains. usually when he heard from him he’d just gotten back from work in the mountains or something to do with his ex wife’s family. he didn’t complain though because it was absolutely delicious.

everyone’s favorite dinner night was when bobby cooked. nobody knew where he learned it since he was a pretty quiet kid, but damn could he cook. he spent his days after school in bookstores looking at cookbooks and picking out the recipes he knew he had the ingredients for at home. he usually had store duty unless he had an important project to do or he was sick. both of them were rare occasions.

both kids enjoyed school. full time school was a new experience for both of them. they were getting adjusted and made friends. jack was proud of bobby since he didn’t seem like the type to make friends. aj made a lot of friends but she only kept a few of them close. she was mostly the writer type but she also did some drawing and fashion design. ennis thought she could go far if she’d just submit her works to those fancy fashion magazines.

neither of the kids were ones to join the school clubs. bobby was one for fishing with his friend, dylan he’d met at school. ennis and jack knew what was going on between the two but neither of them said a word. they wanted them to figure that out for themselves.

as for jack and ennis they were finally content. no more postcards or waiting for months to see each other. it was nice to see each other every day without having to worry about wives or anyone that would be out to sabotage their relationship. both of them cut down on drinking immensely. they spent their nights in the small kitchen dancing and being close to each other. they shared small kisses and held each other close, just embracing now and hoping they’d never be away from each other again.

//

ennis and jack got married on brokeback mountain in the summer of ‘85. the wedding consisted of jack’s mom walking him down the aisle, aj the flower girl, bobby the ring bearer, and billie, aj’s girlfriend as the priest. it was a beautiful small ceremony. aj had her boombox so her dads could have their first dance on brokeback mountain. the del-mar/twist family lived happily between their house and brokeback mountain. aj and bobby were eventually married off to their respected partners. as for ennis and jack, they grew old together. just as they intended.

[asparklethatisblue]

heyyy it's still me, i'm at episode five, and i LOVE it here. my fave characters are blanky and goodsir. i love dr goodsir, he's such a good actor, and his character isn't without flaws, but he's earnestly trying his best always! he is compassionate, gentle, and i don't think all of what he's done for the silence lady was because she was a woman. that interaction looked so pure and respectful, i really appreciated his ways around it. and i loved lady silence, great actress and her language is so pleasant to hear. i'm having a hard time trying to understand crozier, sometimes he looks very prudent and reasonable, some others he looks unhinged and frankly entitled. i don't get him, and that's very intriguing. can't wait to learn more! the thing i love most about this series is that everything always looks like a dream. i never know if i'm seeing reality or some character's hallucination, or some kind of dream, and that's so so cool. also, the music. it's beautiful, and i love that A LOT of the sounds are just ambience sounds, and often the music complements those sounds, it's very very immersive! it kinda reminds me of shutter island and in a way brokeback mountain (obv for the sound only). can i ask about shipping? i'm not really seeing anything rn, but then again sometimes it's a bit difficult for me to see it, especially bc i'm focusing on the plot and timeline 😭 have a nice day!!

Aaaah thank you for keeping me updated this is fun! Yeah I’m genuinely in love with the way this show is shot, the colours, the atmosphere, the darkness despite most of the environment being white on white on grey on more white! Episode 3 especially is so surreal at times! Goodsir is such a good character too, yes, and Blanky is just? Superb.

Crozier is an odd one, I didn’t start falling in love with him hard until about episode 6, and was a bit confused by the way he acts vs what others think of him. It didn’t occur to me until later that he’s genuinely really fucking drunk through several scenes. I guess there’s also the background of him being Irish and of bad social standing, so he was denied opportunities and is real bitter. You don’t see why he’s in such a bad mood until later I think

As far as shipping: I don’t think a lot of relationships are at the forefront until about episode 6 and 7. There’s obviously Hickey and Billy, and Bridgens and Peglar are actually a couple, though I’m not sure you see the two be obvious about it until later. There is some very intense relationship development coming up for everyone around Crozier, and Hickey will have his little clique. The later episodes focus much more on the humanity and interactions between each other, which then in turn lends itself to shipping, if you’re in the mood. Not even romantic, it’s just “these men genuinely love one another so much and its tearing my heart out”

[ntamain]

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

[puppy-phum]

Seven comfort movies

thank you so much @humanlighthouse for tagging me into this ;; ♥ sorry i totally forgot about this yesterday but now am here! and am queer trying to figure this out while absolutely not avoiding writing my thesis 

I also have to mention The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity here as the first one ^^ That one just swept in and blew me away and I’ve now watched it thrice, I think? I don’t know if I’ve ever watched one movie that many times during such a short timespan. I just feel that one in my very soul. It makes me ache in all the best ways and I absolutely adore every bitter minute of it in all of its glory.

The Fast & Furious 5 which was my (proper) introduction to the franchise and just makes me so damn energized every time I watch it. There was a time when I was absolutely obsessed with F&F and well, it is also the reason why I found fanfiction, so very fond thoughts towards the whole series but especially this one. 

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. There also was a time, before F&F, when I was obsessed with PotC. I never grew out of it tbh? I still adore this movie. I have listened to this as an audiobook. I had a huge damn poster on my wall. I still sob at the mere mention of Jack Sparrow stranded in the Davy Jones’ Locker with nothing but Black Pearl and his own mind as company. 

Die Another Day which is my favorite out of all the James Bond movies (and yes, I’ve seen them all). None of those are quite phenomenal with the plot bc it’s always the same basic stuff but I am somehow very fond of this one. Maybe it’s bc of Pierce Brosnan. Maybe it’s bc of the amazing theme song by Madonna (which is one of the reasons I’m very gay). Maybe it’s bc in general, I feel like Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond movies manage to bring some depth to his character and I always love to see that. 

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron is my favorite animated movie ever. I watched it hundreds of times as a kid and later on have watched it several times too. It is just so comforting to me. It talks about freedom and fighting for maintaining that freedom and that has always felt important to me on a personal level. It also just has the best songs ^^ I love the Finnish versions for those as Riki Sorsa has an amazing voice ♥ (linking my favorite here)

Brokeback Mountain. I know this is probably a cliche but this is yet another movie I have watched, deliberately, way too many times. I usually watch movies either once or way too many times bc they come on TV so often but Brokeback has been something I’ve watched maybe four times just bc I love it so much? It’s comforting despite being so heartbreaking and brutal. It’s... It has just given me many things. 

The Handmaiden which I’ve seen only once but that still evokes so many warm feelings in me. It was absolutely wonderful and so full of strength and I adored the cinematography of it. I hope to watch it again one of these days bc I truly miss it and the feeling it gives that is like a hug around me. 

tbh i can kinda see a pattern here :’D i used to watch a ton of action/adventure films at some point (around middle school), maybe to rebel against the female stereotype lol. i was obsessed with the fore mentioned but also stuff like indiana jones or the marvel movies. basically, i am up to it if it’s cool and about some adventure. these days tho, my movie selection has steered towards something more emotional or just plain out horror movies. i usually watch both with my so who “enjoys seeing me reacting to things”. am not gonna comment on that. 

tagging, if you’d like to do this: @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenwren @zuyilong @underaswift-sunrise @inessencedevided @yibobibo and @manhasetardis ♥ 

[feuer-bluete]

I posted 19.516 times in 2021

153 posts created (1%)

19363 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 126.6 posts.

I added 1.706 tags in 2021

#tony stark - 241 posts

#iron man - 235 posts

#stevetony - 234 posts

#steve rogers - 232 posts

#captain america - 232 posts

#superhusbands - 232 posts

#stony - 231 posts

#winterhawk - 25 posts

#hawkeye - 23 posts

#clint barton - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#seriously guys i block so much because it takes energy i don't have to start reading a post just to find out its something i don't wanna see

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

We talk a lot about how Elliot has to straighten his hair, but we never talk about Parker’s visible different colored roots. Like I get this is just because the actress can’t be bleaching her hair nonstop, but I kinda still wanna take this over for Parker and wonder who bleaches her hair, when did she start, why did she start? With Parker I can’t believe its just because she likes blonde better?

59 notes • Posted 2021-11-22 23:19:31 GMT

#4

Q-Force is a good, funny show, for Adult queers. 

First of all this show showed me more dicks than I remember being in Queer as Folks, so thats something, tho there isn’t even a sex scene in every episode, in the later ones there are less actually.

Second that show is full of references, and I’m not even talking the obvious ones where they name the thing they are referencing too?` I mean like in the episode Backache Mountain, the tent thing? Yeah that was 100% reference to Brokeback Mountain. The whole thing with the princess of Gyenorvya? The Princess Diaries send their regards. Not to mention fucking EuropeVision was great.

I’m sure there are more reference I either didn’t cought or already forgot but seriously. Watch Q-Force, its full of gay and queer jokes made by our community, and really good. For a show of its genre.

60 notes • Posted 2021-09-25 09:02:52 GMT

#3

Bucky: *rips the left sleeve off his shirt*

Clint: "You know that tank tops and muscle shirts are a thing?"

Bucky: *stares at Clint while ripping off the other sleeve*

Clint: "Well, mark me down as scared and horny!"

72 notes • Posted 2021-01-12 02:37:00 GMT

#2

Pacific Rim and the concept of drift compatible have done more for the world than the MCU ever could.

118 notes • Posted 2021-08-10 23:24:38 GMT

#1

122 notes • Posted 2021-07-19 21:10:42 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[365days365movies]

February 15, 2021: Call Me by Your Name (Part 2)

I’m back! OK, now, where were we? Ah, yes, the inevitable first kiss! Let us continue. First part of the Recap is right here!

Recap (2/2)

So, about that kiss. Oliver indulges that (and some similarly forward moves by Elio), but does note that they can’t embrace those feelings any further. However, that’s not really going to stop much, it would seem.

See, they drive back, and some family members are over at the Professor’s place, arguing about something. This is accompanied by a spontaneous nosebleed of Elio’s, which he’s apparently prone to, and he runs into the house to get some ice. He’s followed by Oliver, who gives him a foot massage to calm him down. Not helping with the whole “we can’t be together” thing, Oliver, my Lord.

After this Chiara and Marzia come over, and the group go to a local pool which is...VERY green. Like, concerningly so. But anyway, Elio returns home, where his mother asks if she like Oliver (and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t mean as a friend), and she notes that Oliver likes him in return. Damn, progressive mom for the 1980s, but that may also be because she’s French, to be fair.

For the rest of the day, Elio waits around for Oliver, and when he does return home, he chooses not to talk with Elio, who labels him a “traitor.” Time for the falling out phase of their relationship, before their relationship truly begins.

The next night, Elio goes on a date with Marzia, and the two have sex, which Elio seems to enjoy quite a bit. It’s weirdly charming, also? Not sure how to explain that, you’ve gotta watch it. It just has this very real nuance to it that I appreciate. But afterwards, Elio writes a message to Oliver, whom he’s tired of getting the silent treatment from.

However, the next day, the Professor and Oliver are looking at new images from their archaeological site, and the entire conversation is VERY obviously laced with homoerotic dialogue and innuendo, which the Professor seems to be TOTALLY aware of, for the record. Elio finds that Oliver’s left a note for him, telling him that they’ll meet at midnight.

But before midnight, Elio and Marzia have a little rendezvous once again, if you know what I mean. This is followed by a visit from a relative (not sure the relation, didn’t catch that, sorry), and his male partner. Which, yeah, is neat to see. Looks like the Perlmans are quite progressive, especially given the time period. Honestly, that’s a welcome break from Brokeback Mountain.

But, uh, here’s the thing...it’s midnight now. And Elio and Oliver hve been checking their watches for the entire day. And, uh...let’s just say that the sequence is detailed in its elicitness. This movie’s rated R for a reason, after all. Well, eventually, anyway. It’s awkward at first, and takes them a bit to, uh, get started. And when they get started...they get STARTED.

But during the process, Oliver asks that they swap names. In other words:

Call me by your name, and I’ll call you by mine.

OK...but why? I guess we’ll eventually find that out. But it’s definitely an interesting request. Anyway, the next morning comes, after a night of guys bein’ dudes. That Vine reference comes from my girlfriend. Say hello, girlfriend.

She says hi. That next day, the two go biking, they go swimming in a lake, and things seem...tense. Smething about what had happened last night is eating away at Elio, and Oliver asks if he’s going to hold it against him. Looks like it’s Elio’s turn to provide the silent treatment for...whatever reason. The GF seems to think that somebody didn’t, uh...finish, and their interaction seems to confirm that.

However, they get past these initial awkwardness, and head into town to do errands together, where Oliver reveals that he’s happy the previous night happened, and that he was worried that he’d mess Elio up, psychologically and emotionally. But it doesn’t seem the case, and they start to actively embrace their relationship. 

 But things aren’t...perfect for Elio, from a sexual standpoint. Whatever happened the previous night may have him feeling a bit unsatisfied. Enter...the peach. Possibly literally.

Yeah, so Elio picks this peach, and is initially about to eat it, going straight for the pit. And then, the peach goes away from the mouth...downwards...into the pants. And can I just say..that’s gonna be SO sticky. And, uh, not in the sexual way, I mean LITERALLY that’s gotta be so sticky. Also, do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants. Quote from the GF, that one.

Later on, Oliver finds the fruit and chides him about it. Elio asks whether he’s sick. And I say, no. You’re 17. Lot of hormones in there at 17. I mean, did I ever give the sexy eyes to a drupe at any point in my teenage years? I mean no, admittedly I did not. But, y’know, it’s 17. He’s still figuring shit out.

Anyway, stupid jokes aside, this chiding kinda FUCKS Elio up for a sec, as he’s legitimately ashamed of that action. Oliver comforts him, and the two have a heart-to-heart about what little time they actually have left. Oliver admits that he didn’t act on his feelings earlier because he was afraid of it being perceived as a form of molestation. And...yeah, fair, even I pointed that out earlier.

The next morning, who should show up but Marzia, who has heard from him at all in three days! WHOOF. She’s understandably heartbroken, as she’s trying to understand their relationship, and Elio’s COMPLETELY cut her off of that. Which, fuckin’ OW. Kids. Accidental cruelty runs par with the course sometimes.

Time grows short for the two, and Elio’s folks encourage him to go on a small trip with Oliver to the city of Bergamo. They’re DEFNITELY aware of their relationship, and super-supportive. And that’s honestly pretty goddamn sweet, I think. Elio goes on the trip, and they have a legit vacation together in a very nice locale.

The two go out one night, and Elio vomits for...some reason, I’m not entirely sure why. But it is enforcing my beliefs that Chalamet is just a sickly Victorian boy slowly dying of consumption, who was somehow transported into the future I WILL PROVE THIS THEORY IF IT KILLS HIM. BY THE CONSUMPTION

Well, the two spend three days together, and then...it’s over. Oliver leaves to go back home to the USA, and they say goodbye at the train station. And Elio’s kind of...broken. He calls his mom to pick him up, and she agrees. On the way home, he breaks down in the car, clearly heartbroken by the departure of Oliver.

When they get back to their village, Marzia greets him, and says that she understands how he feels, and that she forgives him. I like Marzia a lot, honestly. The two agree to be friends for life. It’s very sweet.

But sadly, it’s inevitably little comfort for Elio, who’s deep deep DEEEEEEP in depression over a love departed too soon. His father talks to him, and notes that the two had a nice friendship. However, it’s quite quickly revealed that he understands exactly what their relationship was in full. In fact, it’s implied that he had a relationship VERY much like Elio had in his youth. And this speech that he gives...FUCK ME, man I DREAM of eing a father this understanding and supportive! Hopefullly one day I can be, but I don’t think it’ll measure up to this.

Summer turns to fall turns to winter, and Hannukah is here! Oliver calls the house, and Elio answers the phone. However, while the initial greeting is happy, it’s quickly tempered by another set of news: Oliver’s engaged. To a woman with whom he;s been in an off-and-on relationship for 3 years.

And I was ALL SET to be pissed off by YET MORE INFIDELITY...but it seems like they might have been off at the time, so I’ll let this one slide with HOPEFUL THOUGHTS THAT OLIVER WASN’T CHEATING ON HER. Anyway, Elio whispers his own name into the phone, to which Oliver responds with his name, acknowledging and affirming their summer love. They get off the phone and Elio stares into the fireplace and cries, remembering the love they felt for each other.

And that...is Call Me By Your Name. Also, I want to note that he’s staring into the fireplace over the ENTIRE CREDIT SEQUENCE, followed by his smile and staring directly into the camera. Goddamn, people, I get it! I get why you all love Chalamet so goddamn much, he’s amazing. But, of course...I’ll get to that in the Review. See you there!

[avauntus]

Supernatural - a retrospective

This is super self-indulgent, and I have so much else I’ve promised-- I owe a long-fic rec post, and ao3 comments, wip work, and that’s just my fandom stuff I’m behind on. *sigh*

But it’s late on a Saturday and now I’ve finished Supernatural, I want to share what I think are my top few eps, and a few other comments. I promise some of this will be different from the “greatest hits” you probably usually see, and I’ll try to make it worth your time. *wry smile*

Look, we have to have categories like: “Most Likely to Live in My Head Rent-Free for the Rest of my Life” and “Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction” that are different from “Favorites,” because that’s just the cursed energy this show has. ;-)

My top five

#5 - 13.01 - “Lost and Found”

Written by: Andrew Dabb | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

In fandom, this is most often referred to as the start of the “Grieving Widower” arc, tongue-in-cheek. Also has Alexander Calvert (Jack) walking around completely in the nude for the first third of the ep. (Neither of these are why this is in my top 5, but he has a good story about wardrobe for his ‘first day.’) 

I didn’t expect much out of this episode the first time I watched it, but I’ve gone over this ‘section’ of the show maybe 3-4 times in my Netflix catch-up, and I watch this one in full every time. From Jack being...not at all what anyone expected and an unsteady vindication, to the stunning cinematography (there’s a post that compares shots to Brokeback Mountain, but I think the shots here might be better), to the sheriff who takes the time to remind her deputy that “...there’s no such thing as ‘weird.’ Everyone’s normal in their own way,” to the slow reveal of exactly how hard the events of the previous night (12x23 - All Along the Watchtower) are hitting Dean and Sam and in different ways...(how long the episode takes to reveal to you how Dean fucked up his hand, and what he was saying when he did. Augh!) The Winchesters are trying to rally, but they have been taking hits for a long time, and the cracks are showing.

 #4 - 15.06 - “Golden Time”

Written by: Meredith Glynn | Directed by: John F. Showalter

Supernatural  has a terrible track record with representation in all stripes. It is infamously consistent in killing off anyone minority, female, or non-White. One of the interesting things about the chaotic meta-narrative of season 15 is you can see the lack of fucks some of the writer’s room had to give about not even being subtle about tearing down that type of ‘White-male-hero-journey” now that they were in a literal “what will they do, fire me?” situation.

I’m a Cas fan, and this episode, which gives him an actual, ‘case-of-the-week’ hunter’s narrative where he gets to save the day on his own, successfully, was wonderful. I love that for him! But more than that, for me, this episode is emotional to me for other reasons-- the way Dean and Cas circle around each other on their angry phone call (with the body language! They are broadcasting so LOUD and neither can see because they’re on the phone!), Sam’s story here, where he’s inheriting things from Rowena that allow him in turn to save Eileen, to Cas’ speech and quick anger at the lake when you reflect on his entire journey of self-realization from a soldier of blind faith to an agent of free will... “You selfish little men in your positions of authority...” I just... *clears throat, grabs tissue* 

#3 -  6.20 - “The Man Who Would Be King”

Written & Directed by: Ben Edlund

Speaking of Cas’ journey... I know some folks don’t like the angst and drama of the ‘Heaven and Hell’ plots of Supernatural, but I am here for it. Oh, did we need another reason to include this episode? This has some of the most metal quotes I have heard from any TV show. Ever.

I mean, look at this:

“If I knew then what I know now, I would have said: Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”

“Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like explaining poetry to fish.”

The delivery of: “It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!” “Dean, it’s not broken!” is one of those Supernatural bits that will live in my head until the end of time. All of Edlund’s episodes are among my favorites, but this (along with “5.04 - The End”) was on another level. 

#2 - 5.16 - “Dark Side of the Moon”

Written by: Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin | Directed by: Jeff Wollnough

I think of this episode every time  I hear Bob Dylan sing “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” This is kinda a giant montage episode, but the connecting concepts are so...satisfying. 

“Heaven is your favorite memories.” “ It’s called the axis mundi. It’s a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it’s two-lane asphalt.” “This is your idea of heaven? Wow, this was one of the worst nights of my life.” “I don’t think I realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes.” “It’s awesome to finally have an application—a practical application—for string theory.” “Everyone leaves you, Dean. You noticed?” “Why is God talking to me? Gardner-to-gardener, and between us, I think he gets lonely.” “You son of a bitch, I believed in... ” Whoosh.

#1 - 4.01 - “Lazarus Rising”

Written by: Eric Kripke | Directed by: Kim Manners

So...this is the episode where Castiel, angel of thee Lord, shows up. And that’s primarily why it earns the no. 1 spot, because 80% of my enjoyment of Supernatural from this point on was Cas-adjacent. Plus this entire episode just hits. ALL OF IT. Dean’s homecoming. Ruby, my darling. Bobby’s entire vibe. Pamela Barnes, easily one of the most interesting women Supernatural ever introduced. Cas being so hot to say “Hi” to Dean he forgets he wounds people. 

But beyond that-- the way the show writes their ‘oh, by the way, angels’ narrative! If you haven’t seen this episode, would you believe me if I told you that THIS EPISODE, the episode where Supernatural said “canonically, Judeo-Christian Heaven is real, btw” involves no churches but does involve a séance, a soulmark handprint brand, and a himbo angel that “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition”...but they were all “no homo, guys” for years?

Truly no one was out here doing it like Supernatural even back in 2008.

Others--

15.18 - “Despair” 

“Most Likely to Live Rent-Free in My Head for the Rest of my Life”

Written by: Robert Berens | Directed by: Richard Speight, Jr.

You know why this episode is here. It broke reality. I could be wrong-- but I’d put good money on this episode being the subject of academic theses in the future. That doesn’t automatically make for interesting story, but...

Has there ever been a case, in a mainstream US TV show where a major lead character (Cas) came out as queer so late in the game in a narratively-important way? I’m not aware of it, but I might just be behind on my television.

This episode has great writing, and (blessedly) amazing direction and blocking anyway. Check out the above gif - that is some next level foreshadowing going on in the cinematography, and this isn’t even the most remarked upon shot in this episode. (Seriously, I had to search for 40 minutes for this gif, please respect my game, lol.) Everyone who was involved in 15x18 is giddy talking about their investment, from the costume designer to the actors to the director to the writer...

...And then a bunch of them steadfastly have avoided posting much Supernatural-related since. So that’s...loud. There is a bunch of subtext in this episode that is screamingly loud; there is a bunch of text in this episode that makes several things clear fandom has been chattering over for years and years. The meta-commentary around this episode continues, months later. There are over 700 fics on AO3 with this episode tag.

I have more to say about the themes of ‘free will’ and ‘love’ and ‘identity’ tied to this episode, but seriously-- you’ve probably read 17 versions of it on Tumblr already, so.

This is the last time we see Cas, and the last time Supernatural can claim anything close to narrative consistency. For that alone, it’d earn free head-space.

Runners-up: “4.20 - The Rapture”; “5.04 - The End”; “7.21 - Reading is Fundamental”; “8.21 - The Great Escapist”; “9.06 - Heaven Can’t Wait”; “12.19 - The Future”; “14.08 - Byzantium”

6.17 - “My Heart Will Go On”/8.07 - “A Little Slice of Kevin”

“Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction”

Written by: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder (6.17); Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia (6.17); Charlie Carner (8.07)

Usually the show kills off it’s “one-episode” female characters, but do you know one time it didn’t? When the Moirai (the Fates - specifically Atropos, the shearer of the Threads of Fate) showed up in canon in 6.17. She was posited to have “two older sisters that were bigger than her- in every sense of the word,” ...and Castiel had to back down when she challenged him to a cosmic game of chicken over the Winchester’s lives.

Then they never returned to that idea again. 

“A Little Slice of Kevin” is on here for the opposite reason -- an amazing idea that was really underwritten in the episode it showed up in. Dean Winchester has been dragging himself across the fabric of universes; the literal Word of God is in play in a warehouse in Middle America; Cas is back from Purgatory, but what does that mean, micro and macro? As a person on the street, what would it mean, or feel like, to learn you were a Prophet of the Lord, uncalled? That what you are, everything you are, is a cosmic contingency?

Maybe Fate has an opinion on all these shenanigans?

Perhaps all that doesn’t make sense, but it certainly made an impression on ~2012 me. To this day, it remains the WIP I can open up and fool myself with the ‘twist.’ I wish I remembered where I was going with it so I could finish it.

Runners Up: “2.20 - What Is and What Should Never Be”; “5.04 - The End”; “6.15 - The French Mistake”; 12.12 - “Stuck in the Middle (with you)”; “13.05 - Advanced Thanatology” “14.03 - The Scar”; “14.10 - Nihilism”; “15.15 - Gimme Shelter” ... and “15.20 - Carry On” (obviously)

Fifteen seasons. There were plenty of other episodes I loved that didn’t make these limited lists. But overall -- thank you, Supernatural, for the run. Even if I’m upset at the ending, I can appreciate the game. If you watch the show, what were your favorite episodes?