#Bro has zero rizz

[crystalskies42]

Ao'nung: Whenever I'm around you, I get this strange, warm feeling in my chest. Neteyam: Ao'nung: Neteyam: Is it a heartburn

[lotusarchon]

No, no, no. You're so real man, like Macaque does not deserve ANY hoes. This man is chronically bitchless and it should SHOW. Why else he got that titty hanging out? Tryna attract people but they can never stay attracted to him.

No cause I just KNOW bro's the type to talk about his ex so much his new partners miss them (Wukong) too he's literally the type to make a mess in his pants if he sees tits and don't get me started on his emo looking ass (please do not attack me Macaque fans pt 2)

[lunarrosette]

Nicky’s just like me fr! An asthmatic loser with 0 rizz

[birdybellicose]

Truly watching and understanding Spiderverse is knowing that even tho Miguel is built like a brick shithouse and is conventionaly handsome, Hobie is actually the suave casanova of the group and an absolute dangerous flirt when he wants to be~!

[d3stinyist1red]

ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ɴᴇʀᴅ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴘᴀʀᴛ 𝟸

yan nerd who gets put into a group project with you and some other npcs, as he calls them, not paying any attention to neither of them, rather going to practically sit on your lap and cling onto you the whole period.

yan nerd who annoys the other members of the project bc hes js there helping you, letting only you copy, and they could literally hear the down bad things hes whispering in your ear (hes doing it on purpose bc he thinks they want u and he needs those bitchs to back off)

"Hey (nerd yan name), why arent you helping us as well? We literally having zero fucking clue what to do." One of the members asked, scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion.

yan nerd who ignores them and goes back to acting cringy to you as you look as if hes holding u hostage.

yan nerd who is an absolute loser that prob has greasy fried hair, ofc he calls u his alpha and its him and u against the world.. uhm so! this is insane!

yan nerd who literally hyperfocuses on anything u like, making himself liking it aswell. Js so he can “accidentally” bring them up in conversation, and see the way ur eyes lit up in surprise at the fact he remembered ur interests. Whenever you talk about anything you like, he quickly talks about it himself to make him seem more likeable to you,

yan nerd who in the middle of class, day dreams abt you literally with roses and hearts in background as you say "Your so hot~" (hes delusional pls..)

yan nerd who has had one gf but that was the start of his obsession with you and he was trying to stop himself with being obsessed

lets js say it didnt work bc when he was making out with his gf, he kept whimpering and moaning out your name...😭

yan nerd who tries to impress you with fun facts as he puts up his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He’s the type to text you random facts throughout the day, just to remind u of him

ɪʟᴜᴠᴍʏɢғʏ/ɴ

did u know that dogs have dreams?

I just wanted to let yk so when we have 10 kids, 3 dogs, and a cat together baby <33

yan nerd who over analyzes everything, every convo with u leads him to be in the dark of his room, smiling and delusionally think u need him in ur bed and that u def want him bc u looked at his lips for 0.01 secs

yan nerd who even practice conversations in their head before seeing Y/N again, trying to make sure everything goes perfectly. Though, whenever he go infront of you and actually try to talk to you, he loses all composure and says the first thing to mind. "Can u sit on my nos- I mean!"

yan nerd who lowk has rizz tho

“Hey, did you know sea otters hold hands when they sleep, so they don’t drift apart? Kinda like how I wouldn’t want to drift apart from you, baby" He says looking at you with the most down bad eyes, rubbing your thigh under the table as you try to pay attention to the math lesson

"bro unhand me"

"If i do, will you bounce on it?"

yan nerd who, nvm does not have rizz

yan nerd who is a loser who spends most of his time humping a body pillow of u <333

MORE COMING OUT SOON!!!!!

RESQUESTS ARE CLOSED

[nerdlvr]

⋆₊˚⊹.𖥔 zoom, click, panic ! -> hyuck's group

pussy feens (virgins) !

lee donghyuck is obsessed with anything camera related, no wonder he's a photography major. unfortunately for him it's an expensive hobby for a broke student like himself. he just lost his job at the convenience store cause he was too scared to help a hot girl find flamin' hot cheetos... he's a 24 year old virgin can you really blame him?

women gender studies major mark lee has to be the face of feminism. this may just be a ploy to try and get laid though, not like it's working anyways, the girls think he's gay. he's the dad of the group always making sure his boys are in check, and respecting women like they should. they'd have to actually get near a woman to respect her though...

zhong chenle's head is probably so huge because of how big his brain is, i mean who else is successfully completing an aerospace engineer major? not only is he a super mega nerd but he has an unhealthy obsession with stephen curry... what girl would wanna sleep with that? but who needs girls when you have your best guy friends who also get zero female interactions?

finance bro jung sungchan should have an easy time getting a girl.. right? wrong. he has no rizz whatsoever. but he's pretty popular amongst other men so he gets the guys access to all the biggest parties. parties which they spend all night stuck to one another... maybe they should try splitting up next time...

park jisung is the embodiment of shyness. no one knows how he's the only one in the friend group to have lost his virginity. he's cute and soft spoken... the the public. but when he's with his friend group no one can make him stop talking, certified yapper. and what's worse is that his rants usually consist of stars and planets, blame it on his astronomy major... or was it astrology?

these virgins met on a porn discord chat. they realized that they had the same taste in twitter porn and eventually made their own group chat to share videos. with some time there were less porn links and more personal talk. how sweet a bond forged by naked women and tragic backstories. but don't underestimate them, they'd ride and die for each other.

yn's group -> masterlist -> intro

notes : literally all nerds cause they have nothing else to worry about but keeping their grades up tbh. didn't realize how smutty this smau is gonna be so pls prepare urselves for dirty bad words and descriptions im sorry 😞

taglist : @kimsaerom , @n0hyuck , @nanaxwi , @neverbeurs , @sunghoonsgfreal , @hizhu , @axo-l0tl , @strawberrysavi , @hyuckiebb-blog , @hyucktion , @4yunogf , @jakesbubu , @gacktsa , @iheartjayke , @annoyednblax , @luvvhaechan , @dudekiss3r , @yesohhsehun , @prettybluei , @soobinbunnie5 , @hyucksunset , @the-swageyama-tobiyolo , @byeonwooseokabs , @kodasity , @hyuckmoon , @catdonut657 , @lionzyon , @luvandletter , @defzcl , @nneteyamss , @222brainrot , @1lovejinki , @zzurao , @catpjimin , @multifandomania , @docilismo , @injunnie-lemon , @jeonghansshitester , @babyjenono , @wonswondrland , @livingdoll-hara , @minkyuncutie , @luvsooby

[muletia]

Optimus being reminded reader has a life outside of spending time with him when reader leaves after spending a week at base for safety precautions(he stared at them for 6 hrs straight bc he has ZERO fcking rizz, and they're both married in his head with a gold retriever):

LMAOOO live optimus reaction:

this situation could unironically happen—bro gets so lost in his daydreams and develops them in such detail that six hours fly by in the blink of an eye. and then he has the audacity to be surprised when you tell him you need to go home lmao. optimus is lucky he’s a gilf.

please just confess your feelings to him already, i’m begging you—his rizz isn’t going to get any better...

[average-woman-lover]

Yoko: Sooo Wends, my dude.

Wednesday: Don’t call me that.

Yoko: Right, only Enid gets to call you that. Speaking of which, are you for the girls?

Divina: *Side-eyes Yoko*

Wednesday: What? No, that’s preposterous.

Enid, getting up: Oh.

Enid: *Walks away*

Divina: I thought you liked her?

Yoko: What the hell, dude?

Wednesday: I do, and I don’t understand why she’s upset.

Divina: That’s because she likes you, too.

Yoko: And you just said you’d never date a girl in the worst way possible. It was borderline homophobic.

Wednesday: No, I said I’d only date her.

Divina: What?

Yoko: Huh?

Wednesday: You said ‘for the girls.’ Plural. I’m for a girl, singular. Enid.

Yoko: Addams, you are incredibly stupid. Now, please, before you kill me for that insult, go get your girl.

Wednesday, walking away: Fine, but sleep with one eye open tonight.

Yoko: I’m literally a vampire. I don’t even sleep. Bro has zero rizz, AND she can’t even properly insult me.

Divina: She can kill you hands tied and eyes closed.

Yoko: I know. Will you protect me, tonight?

[wordsvomit101]

This will be a short one, with credits to Hikifans (@shyanimeboi), and here is the link: https://twitter.com/shyanimeboi/status/1778300826995335505

I will use metaphors this, a lot of metaphors for the H-scenes if you're curious. Hopefully it Bible friendly.

Ok here we go

I could never be an MC, like I cannot be a player, I do not have the rizz to think of another man while rubbing another dude's abs like this

Well MC isn't wrong, I barely see his abs in his S card. The guy looks broad but I thought he wore baggy clothes the longer I look at him.

So Ppyong slipped into MC's clothes and touched her soft stomach and apparently, it might be MC's weak spot causing her huha be quaking and ya'll:

It might seem normal but think it is the regular Ppyong saying it. MC is stronger than me cause I would already be laughing at the images in my head

I'm so gonna draw this, but it gonna be Minhyeok wearing what he wears in my other fics-

Are we fighting???

"Was always careful with you"... in what??? In WHAT????

... I guess the reason why I like this ship so much is how it could work. It's weird, but it's not as weird as MC's romances. They literally felt like that side couple or ship in drama media that I often like more than the main couple. I'm also a sucker for the friends-to-lovers trope

WOAH OK- Sir you spend too much time with Sitri-

Wait- Hold up- MC has rizz- OMG they have rizz

YO she taco-ed her legs around his thighs and holding his waist and saying all this? Absurd- I could never- The girl got game

You don't have to call me out like that you know?

Idk why but it's kind of wholesome, his smile is so cute that it is hard to focus on the tension. Like that smile is a puppy smile but his hands do be parting MC's rear like Moses parting the Red Sea like- Bro is giving her booty a rubdown treatment

It can be somewhat flattering and comedic in fiction but it would be scary irl, but that's just me

I-🧍- Ihsbhjdabdsjbd- What? What do you mean by that?? *Shaking him on the shoulders* Ayo what do you mean by that??????

I need to calm tf down cause either I'm misreading and misunderstanding his words or the translation sucks but it could mean A FEW THINGS HERE SIR *(¬¬)🙄 bombastic,side eye(¬¬")(◔_◔)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)¬‿¬(ಡ᎔ಡ)( ͡º ꒳ ͡º)* and one of them is how you definitely want to be sandwiched between them-

Ok now this is the cringy smack metaphors territory, don't say I didn't warn you:

Ok so when I said his hands are kneading her double cheeks like dough I mean it, like he could rip both her pants and bum open right there-

Then he went on to ask if Minhyeok had ever seen her making her applesaucy face before and they were sweating because of their sitting marathon session with their hands and Ppyong dead ass told MC to lick his sweat to see if it was the same as Minhyeok.

And MC does what MC does, it doesn't matter if she doesn't know what Minhyeok tastes like, she sucks on Ppyong's face like he is the last ice cream cone in flaming summer. As if his face is a soft serve with zero net carbs, as if he is cannoli gelato, and her tongue is all over it, or in her words "like a dog that stuck his nose in a bowl as soon as the rein is released"

It tastes salty mixing with the sweet scent of flesh if you're wondering and she salivating all over his face. Going full Beelzebub on his face like she is slurping on the finest meal of her life. Hey at least, Ppyong enjoys it👍

Then when Ppyong asked if Minhyeok ever saw her this parched and MC recalled how Minhyeok always came into his room on time after she was done petting the cat, finding Nemo, sexy DIY, etc... you get the gist. MC speculated that Minhyeok was definitely outside waiting for her to be done like a peeping tom, you know, creeper behavior <3/jk

The thought makes MC dripping like a faucet, overflowing like a dam. Then they are back in their hands on investigating shenanigans and we get to the part where it would get the original poster banned on YouTube if they posted there. I also just gonna leave these here, MC is a player istg:

OK that's enough smut for this week bye-

[crystalskies42]

Lo'ak: 'Reya, this shot is for you! *throws the basketball and utterly misses*

Tsireya: *Laughs* You're so funny, Lo'ak! (Bro has zero rizz)

Lo'ak: *Blushes*

Ao'nung, turning to Neteyam: Your brother is an idiot.

Neteyam: "Oh yeah, babe? Then what's that?" *points to the basketball flying towards Ao'nung at 100000.07 miles per hour lmao*

Ao'nung: Wha- *badonk*

[altocat]

Nono,no,no President Shinra having Rizz at least makes sense because he's Rufus's dad. Bro may look like the lovechild of Donald trump, Walt Disney, and Richard Nixon, but he probably has the guarantee of looking better when he was younger, and even now he ain't ugly, just old.

HOJO looks like a shriveled sperm cell, so him having rizz makes ZERO sense

AND YET THE UNIVERSE HAS A FUNNY WAY OF DEMONSTRATING ITS SENSE OF HUMOR

[junabuggy]

so this is a half-joking request but can i req a vox x reader who watches skibidi toilet and uses gen alpha slang LMFAO also just in case you don't know gen alpha slang but it's like the 'caseoh fanum tax ohio mogus livvy dunne rizzing up baby gronk' things can you make it fluff hcs?? i just thought this would be funny asf lol (idk what to do for the relationship thing you can make it romantic, platonic, familial, literally anything i cant think of anything rn) alright tysm in advance i hope you have a good day :D - (can i be gyatt anon)

Vox x Gen alpha having humour! Reader

A/n: Never did I ever think I’d be writing headcanons with vox that involve SKIBIDI TOLIET. This is humiliating…………. I’m doing it (And sure you can be gyat anon 😭)

Warnings: gen alpha slang/j, you’re also a crusty little iPad kid lol so this is familial

Fluff✔️ Comfort❌ Angst❌ Smut❌

📺☆ The first time you ever used gen alpha slang around Vox he was… very confused to say the least.

📺☆ I mean, this guy literally died in the 1950’s bro would have ZERO clue what you’re talking about 😭🙏

📺☆ but he’d probably laugh at how dumb what you’re saying sounds sometimes

📺☆ Like who are these people? Who is caseoh?? Livvy Dunne??? Baby gronk???? Might ask Velvette if she knows about it to try and understand you better

📺☆ She’d probably end up laughing at him. Especially after she was informed you told him he has “zero rizz” (Radiosilence is so funny to me lmfaoo)

📺☆ Tell him about “skibidi toliet” lore and he’d disintegrate on the spot.

📺☆ I can’t stop imaging reader as like... an iPad kid Vox scooped up off the street after an extermination or something and brought back to the Vee tower. (Haven’t figured out the logistics as to how this would go down though)

📺☆ Originally he wasn’t gonna keep you but one thing led to another and now you’re basically his kid lol

📺☆ And as much as you confuse him and the other Vees with your sense of humour and the slang you use, they still love you ♡

📺☆ Oh and if you headcanon that they’re a polyamorous couple?? Congrats, now you have THREE parents (Highly dysfunctional ones yeah.. but still parents)

𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞, 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 ◟( ˃̶͈◡ ˂̶͈ )◞

ᯓ★ 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐲

[sspidernaut]

.e-42 Miles Morales relationship hc's !!

people aren't nearly as obsessed w this man as they should be and that shit needs to change ASAP!!

sfw + gender neutral (i hope?) reader , use of 'princess treatment' once

i feel like people be forgetting that 42 Miles is also a version of Miles??

bro is NOT some hyperdominant fuckboy w 10 years of experience CMON

baby has never had a spouse, he's never even had his first kiss and this is the hill I will die on

anyways, Miles meets u, Miles falls in love, y'all start to date, yada yada mkay?

42 is fucking WHIPPED

and he's so shy about it i tell u

you're so attractive and good to him and effortlessly charming and you just have this aura about you and he cant believe ur his

bc Miles has zero rizz in every universe

you could look at him for just a second longer than usual and the boy would melt inside

will keep up his usual 'cool, calm, collected' act yk, he's the man!!!

but we all know that bro is dying inside whenever he sees u

ur the most important thing to him, ALWAYS

has to suppress the urge to propose to u right then and there when he sees u getting along w his momma Rio

she would love u! so happy that her baby finally has someone who treats him right yk??

ur the only person besides momma Rio he allows to touch his hair

bro is the little spoon and i will fight everyone who says otherwise

Miles loves to settle between ur thighs n lay his head on ur stomach or rest his head on ur shoulder or bury his face in ur chest when y'all are laying down, cmon, he needs the feeling of comfort

he absolutely has a picture of u in his wallet/phone case and as his wallpaper

would not let you touch any bags ever again, would not let you pay for ur shit every again, would not let u struggle w ANYTHING ever again. 42 is carrying all ur stuff (including yourself if you're tired, though he will pretend to be annoyed) and paying for whatever the fuck u want without question

insists you leave your wallet at home, will pout if u don't

princess treatment all the way

anyways

calls u 'ma, mami, chiquita' etc.

he's a mad dry texter (will not use punctuations for the life of him) but will text u all the time nonetheless

"u good ma"

"u need sum from the store"

"u eaten anything yet"

honestly I do feel like he can be an ass at times, its 42 after all, but he does his best to make it up to u every time

he's sooooo protective, will always ask where u at and wyd out of simple worry, would probably (politely) ask for u to share ur live location w him 24/7 and would share his w u

42 wouldn't even check ur location once he gets it, he would still opt for asking u directly, it just gives him a sense of comfort that he can (and will) find u immediately if he needs to

bro cannot lose another person dear to him

would absolutely grill people with glares if they look at u wrong

ur his, he's not sharing

he's not overly possessive tho, will keep himself in check

Miles drinks his respect ur spouse juice every day, he will let u live ur life smh

he really trusts you anyways

still asks (ASKS!!!!!) to go everywhere w u, trails after u like a lost puppy

all grumpy w his rbf but his eyes will never fail to soften around

he smiles the sweetest, dorky smile if u play ur cards right

not a big fan of pda but will let you touch n kiss him if u want to touch n kiss him and throw a protective arm around u, always has a hand on ur lower back in public

all over u in private tho!!!

he's addicted to ur kisses and will ask before kissing u every. single. time

once he gets his lips on urs you will not get him off of u again, 42 is an addict and ur his drug

scary dog privilege all day everyday

also does his best to make a good impression on ur parents and they love him!

once y'all have been in a relationship for longer he will honestly ease up around u so much and be less shy yknow

actually starts to tease u back, blushes less and does that tiny amused smirk instead

y'all playfight every two seconds (42 will NOT let u win under any circumstances, bro is a lil bitch and smug asf about it)

will also beat ur ass at mario kart

42 Miles ain't showing u no mercy w that shit, he's too competitive

he buys u new flowers every week

extremely expressive through actions, less comfortable to do so through words but will tell u that u mean everything to him on a regular nevertheless bc he's a sweetheart and in love w u

you would watch every single one of his (basketball) games and eventually he'd give u one of his jerseys (w his name and number on it and everything!!)

bro has to hold himself back so bad whenever he sees u in it

bonus points if its oversized on u

he's so JIDFUHIGEYFUERFV I will simply pass away

constructive criticism and reqs are welcome!!

[underworld-park-offical]

KENNY: Aww shit.

TOLKIEN: What?

KENNY: I fucked up this water sort puzzle level.

TOLKIEN: I don’t…

TOLKIEN: I DON’T HAVE WATER SORT PUZZLE???

KENNY: Well.

KENNY: You do now.

TOLKIEN: Kenneth.

TOLKIEN: How much battery is left on my phone.

KENNY: Errrrrmmmmmm….

KENNY: …

TOLKIEN: Kenneth. Jason. McCormick.

TOLKIEN: If my battery is below 50% I am going to beat your ass.

KENNY: …

KENNY: …. 25%....

TOLKIEN: Right. That’s it. I’m beating your ass.

KENNY: WAITWAITWWAITWAIWTIATWW.

TOLKIEN: What.

KENNY: Please don’t beat my ass!

TOLKIEN: Give me one good reason to not to.

KENNY: UH- uhhhhhh….

KENNY: Craig!

TOLKIEN: What.

KENNY: He- He has a portable charger!

KENNY: 

CRAIG: Erm, Kenny, what the ACTUAL sigma, you fucking L rizz fanum tax.

CRAIG: Who the FUCK are you to spread these rumors about me?!

CRAIG: Literally canceling you on Tumblr rn.

CRAIG: Smh my head, this is SO not that that me espresso! 

TOLKIEN: Shut the fuck up, Craig…

CRAIG: Let me Mountain Dew it for ya. 

KENNY: Bro my ass is boutta to become grass in two minutes if you don’t give it to me!!!

CRAIG: Ok, and?

CRAIG: Skill issue.

KENNY: CRAIG, PLEASE!!!!

CRAIG: Erm, chat, do you see this loser?

KENNY: CRAAAAAAAAAIGGGGG!!!!

TOLKIEN: That’s it.

TOLKIEN: Kenny, c’mere.

KENNY: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(WHACK BAM WHAM UUUUUWAAAAAHHHHHHHHH) 

CRAIG: Whhhh...

CRAIG: W--

CRAIG: Chat.

CRAIG: Chat what the flip.

CRAIG: What the actual sigma.

CRAIG: Th--

CRAIG: …

CRAIG: GUYS SHUT THE ACTUAL FREAK UP!!!!

CRAIG: THIS IS LIKE SO SUPER IMPORTANT THIS IS NOT SKIBIDI WHAT THE SIGMA.

CRAIG: IM GONNA ACTUALLY JEFF THE KILL MYSELF.

KENNY: OH WHERE WAS THIS ATTITUDE WHILE TOLKIEN JEFF THE KILLED ME???

TOLKIEN: Let’s be real, you brought that on yourself.

KENNY: No <3

TOLKIEN:

TOLKIEN: I’m surrounded by idiots.

STAN: WOULD IDIOTS BE TRYING TO ABDUCT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP????

TOLKIEN: Aaaand we woke up Shane Dawson.

TOLKIEN: Great.

TOLKIEN: Perfect.

TOLKIEN: Wonderful.

TOLKIEN: What next, the piss baby?

CRAIG: TOLKIEN THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT YOUR L RIZZ KAI CENAT ZERO GYATT!!

CRAIG: MY ARCH NEMESIS GREGORY_CUTIE_PIE_3RD.

CRAIG: HAS STOLEN MY ACCOUNT INFORMATION.

STAN: HE WORKS FOR THEM!!!

STAN:THE GOVERNMENT!!!! THE ALIENS!!! ALL OF THEM!!!

STAN: THE GAYS ARE THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL!!!

CRAIG: YEAH! THIS IS THE FAGS FAULT!

TOLKIEN: Oh my fucking goddd….

STAN: FAG? FEROCIOUS ANONYMOUS GOVERNMENT SPY!

STAN: IT’S CONFIRMED!!!

KYLE: Guys, it's Pride Month.

KYLE: Don’t do this right now.

CRAIG: EWWW!!!! FAGGOTRY!!!!

CARTMAN: Uhm? Excuse me? Your attitudes towards gay people is deeply offensive and completely unacceptable. How can you justify such bigotry and discrimination in this day and age? Everyone has the right to love and be loved without facing discrimination or hate from people like you. Your attitude perpetuates ignorance and division in our society. It's deeply disappointing to see such intolerance in this day and age. 

CARTMAN: I hope you realize the harm your beliefs cause and consider the importance of empathy and acceptance towards all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation.

TOLKIEN: Great, now you woke blue hair and pronouns.

CARTMAN: Wow, really? Is that the best you can do? Reduce my identity to my appearance and my pronouns? It's incredibly disrespectful and ignorant to dismiss who I am with such shallow labels. My hair and my pronouns are part of my identity, and they deserve respect. If you can't respect who I am, I am not interested in continuing this conversation with you.

CRAIG: This is literally why I hate fags. 

KYLE: Dude…

CRAIG: THE FAG IS POSTING UGLY ASS SELFIES ON MY BLOG!

CRAIG: TAINTING MY DAMN PAGE WITH HIS READING RAINBOW LITTLE WEE WEE!

CRAIG: BLUD LOOKS LIKE HE GOT A FUCKING GASTRIC BYPASS!

CRAIG: LIPOSUCTION HEADASS!!!

CRAIG: Guys I’m officially becoming demon-phobic.

CARTMAN: I'm genuinely taken aback by your racist remarks against demons. It's incredibly disrespectful and hurtful to demonkind, using them as a target for racism is not only absurd but also deeply insensitive. It's important to understand that such language perpetuates harmful stereotypes and can be hurtful to those who enjoy creative works involving demons. Please reconsider your words and think about the impact they can have on others.

CRAIG: Womp to the fucking womp.

CARTMAN: EXCUSE ME????

CRAIG: Don’t talk to me, I’m mewing rn.

KENNY: Lord have mercy.

KENNY: Please let my bitch of a sister fucking die.

KENNY: Dear god please. 

KENNY: If you love me, let me be an only child again.

TOLKIEN: Kenny what the fuck.

TOLKIEN: That’s your sister.

KENNY: And?

TOLKIEN: I doubt you’d actually let her die.

KENNY: Shit you right.

KENNY: She still owes me twenty dollars for that McDonalds I got her last week.

TOLKIEN: Okay, do you have anyone who can come get her outta there?

TOLKIEN: Not sure if it's a good idea to go out there with murderous, probably bloodthirsty demons running around.

KENNY: …

KENNY: …

KENNY: …

KENNY: …

KENNY: …

KENNY: …

KENNY: I know who to call.

SHITASS: snrrk nsnzznnzzzzzzzzzzz...,.

[  ♫ WE CAN GO GYATT FOR GYATT  ♫  ]

[  ♫ FUCK THAT, WE CAN GO RIZZ FOR RIZZ  ♫  ]

SHITASS: fhnfnhmmghfghg.

SHITASS: [yawn]

SHITASS: You’ve reached Captain Shitass, 

SHITASS: Unfortunately I cannot take your calls, but I’ll be available in the ‘morrow, no, before you ask, I don’t do balloons anymore.

SHITASS: Please leave a message after the be--

KENNY: Shut up, fecal failure, I’m not here to make you a birthday mascot. KENNY: We got some demon wranglin to do!

SHITASS: OH FUCKNUGGETS IS THE WAR COMIN???

KENNY: Don’t know, probably!

SHITASS: WHAT DO YOU MEAN PROBABLY????

SHITASS: ARE WE GOIN’ TO WAR OR NOT?

KENNY: Look babycakes, it's hard to guess if a big storm’s comin, but we ain’t takin’ no damn chances. KENNY: Besides, Karen still owes me McDonalds money.

SHITASS: Oh, this is over Donnie’s? Fuck yeah, I’m in. 

KENNY: Wait, really?

SHITASS: Uh, yeah!

SHITASS: I don’t fuck around when it comes to McDonalds.

SHITASS: Mcdonald’s is an important necessity to the American economic system. 

KENNY: Oh thank god. KENNY: After this, can we kill her? KENNY: Like actually?

SHITASS: Uh, yeah.

SHITASS: She’s a fucking cunt and I hate her.

KENNY: THANK GOD.

SHITASS: You wanna do it or should I?

KENNY: Oh I’d be fine with either, long as she dies. KENNY: Gets her outta my hair and me back to being an only child.  KENNY: Afterward, my life will be nothing but bliss. 

SHITASS: Aight bet.

SHITASS: By the way, where the fuck are you?

SHITASS: Usually you come over to my place with a loaded gun, pointing at me and forcing me to do a jester jig like a common peasant. 

KENNY: Haha. KENNY: Funny story.

SHITASS: Oh good robot lord, are you hiding in a bush to throw corn at me?

SHITASS: You’re not gonna tase my balls and yell “dance, peasant dance”?

SHITASS: You did that the LAST time you said you had somethin’ funny to tell me

SHITASS: Then you covered me in worms and rat shit as I mourned over my now broken balls.

KENNY: Nononono shawty it’s actually sososo funny.

SHITASS:Y’know, I can’t have children anymore, right?

SHITASS: So I feel like im inclined to not fucking believe you.

KENNY: Nononono It’s ACTUALLY funny.

SHITASS: I swear on robot jesus if you tase my ASSHOLE I will rip off YOUR balls!

KENNY: WOAHHH BUDDY! LET ME TELL MY STORY NO NEED TO MAKE IT GAY.

SHITASS: Kenneth aren’t we boyfriends?

KENNY: SHUT UPPPPP, Okay, so like.  KENNY: You know ouija boards, right? KENNY: And weed?

SHITASS: Of course I know what fucking weed is.

SHITASS: We rolled blunts with used tissues in the Walmart dumpster last week.

SHITASS: Mine tasted like blood and boogers.

KENNY: Oh yeahhhh! KENNY: Anyways. KENNY: We all got REALLY high one night, KENNY: And we decided to talk to a buncha ghosts, cuz that's what you do when you’re blitzed, ya know? KENNY: Then, Craig continued talkin’ to em after we all dipped cuz we didn’t wanna, y’know, DIE. KENNY: So now we’re all targets cuz his ass decided follower counts are more important than life.

SHITASS: Of course he did.

SHITASS: What a fucking idiot.

KENNY: RIGHT????

SHITASS: They know about the prophecy? Or like, about us? 

KENNY: Pssh, nah.

SHITASS: Thank god, let's keep it that way.

SHITASS: Anyone else with her?

KENNY: Craig’s sister I think.

SHITASS: Ew, there’s more than one??

KENNY: Un-fucking-fortunately.

KENNY: Kill ‘em, dung disaster, I love you.

SHITASS: Love you too, miserable cunt.

SHITASS: Welp,

SHITASS: We’re all gonna die.

(Edits made by @pissblanket)

[satorus-leftarm]

leon kennedy headcanons bc i FUCKING LOVE LEON KENNEDY (ft other characters but mostly chris)

• some believe he smells like gun powder and alcohol which honestly, so fair he prob does. but TBH i think he used like axe body spray up until the end of re2 (ada said he smelt like cat piss and changes his ways to rizz up the ladies)

• but in all fairness, he smells like black coffee and peppermint gum

• does NOT understand brainrot humour at ALL

• chris will try and explain things to him bc tbh hes chronically online. but leon cant comprehend ANY OF IT

• deadass asked claire if she know the meaning of “fantum tax” and she laughed in his face hes HOPELESS chat🙏🙏🙏

• he likes sitcoms, his favourite is seinfeld and his favourite was obviously jerry bc IT MAKES SENSE BSFR

• lowk, given like the timeline, my man was an AVID likin park enjoyer

• played the trumpet and was in school band

• used to want to be in the army but changed his mind bc bro was not down w sleeping on the dirt 😭😭

• didn’t own lip balm till the age of 13 and since then has never gone a day w out one in his pocket

• i feel like he would really like black liquorice for some reason

• has absolutely NO rythme whatsoever

• he and chris walk around the city acting super nonchalant n shii but as soon as these grown ahh men see a puppy, they lose their MINDSSSSS

• he wants a border collie and wants to name it like “printer” or “fax machine” 💀

• really likes boy bands and has seen the backstreet boys live 7 times (bros savings account is sobbing)

• hes like terrified of sweat stains. when hes out at events he always has to have deodorant and cologne on him so he doesnt smell bad and turn his pits piss yellow (it happened the day he was moved to special ops and chris took SO MANY PHOTOS)

• has abt zero chill when it comes to comebacks in an argument. he WILL make u check urself

• weighted blanket + fuzzy blanket combo

• is REALLLY good at monopoly… like SCARY good

• in now time, i feel like he would own nike tech but never wear it. my guy wears like jeans in which the bottoms r almost COMPLETELY destroyed bc they’re always under his heals when he walks. he def wears flannel and a leather jacket over that

• WALLET CHAIN 😍😍😍

• tried going ginger, he got beat up by all the neighbourhood kids for being a “fake leprechaun”

• lactose intolerant asl

HES MY WIFE!!

[j2x3e]

Louanna is the strongest character in the world of Re: Zero.

Title.

No, this isn't a crack theory. Let me cook.

For some context, let me reintroduce who Louanna is because no one read side stories.

Louanna Astrea, mother of Reinhard van Astrea and wife to Heinkel Astrea. Her only role in the story so far is to make the family drama worse by sleeping. She got this Sleepy Beauty condition which is NOT the same thing as being Gluttony'd. She has been sleeping for 18 years since Reinhard was 2 (as of arc 8).

As we all know, Reinhard is stated to be the strongest character by Tappei Nagatsuki in a Q&A (I use his full name here so it's more intimidating). And we all know how reliable the Q&A are with the existence of arc 7+1.

Tappei might not be lying straight up, but he could have been easily saying a half-truth because he is Echidna. (the only way to write a manipulative character is to be manipulative yourself)

Reinhard IS the strongest character, but only among the ones who are awake.

Reinhard's secret to his power has never been explained in the series other than Od Laguna simping over his rizz. We are supposed to take that as face value and believe it.

This is a trap set by Tappei. He wants all of you to think this way. Wakey wakey.

Reinhard is strong because Louanna is strong, this is all genetic. Have you ever wondered how this pathetically weak drunkard has a son this strong? Louanna is strong, that's why.

Tappei has been hiding her lores in the side stories because she is going to be as important as Clind, the holder of the Melocholy WF.

In fact, judging from how much Tappei is holding up her lores, it is not a far stretch to say that she have a bigger reveal. Which is that she is stronger than Reinhard, a character we all already knew to be the most powerful.

Q: "But dude, if this rando plot device vegetable is really the strongest, how did she even get the coma sickness?"

Reinhard has been stated to be a monster in the series for multiple times, it is often to describe his monstrous strength to be inhumane.

But what if it was to taken literally?

Reinhard isn't actually a human, because he IS a monster. Well, half-monster to be precise.

While Heinkel is a pathetic weak normie human, Louanna is an actual monster. She has even been alive to witness the Witch of Envy devour half of the world, in fact, she is Flugel. (But that's another post for another day.)

Louanna is at least 400yo, so her flow of time is different from normal humans. That's right, her 18 years of slumber is not a condition or anything, she was merely napping. So stop trying to cure her, stupid Heinkel, she is fine.

Still in doubt? Look at Heinkel. He's so durable in the story. He has survived too many blunt attacks to still be living. Do you know why? Louanna trained Heinkel well during the three years she was married to him and awake.

She constantly beat up Heinkel, hence strengthening his durability. Yes, I believe that Louanna is a husband-beater, judging by the personality of Flugel according to Shaula.

We all know that Heinkel is Isekai Subaru, and we all know how affectionate Subaru becomes with his abusers. That's why Heinkel still loves Louanna and tries to 'cure' her. He loves being beat up.

From a bad master to a bad mother. Flugel is male, you say? She can shapeshift, she is the strongest after all. In fact, she is Pandora. Have we seen Pandora and Louanna in the same room before? No, we haven't. Louanna=Flugel=Pandora.

TL;DR: Stop claiming Reinhard or Satella or Regulus or Subaru or Petra to be the strongest, Louanna is. Stop coping. See the truth, dude.

Source: trust me bro