#Bridger isn’t drinking at all

[megansplants]

.

[hansensgirl]

🪽— 𝐒𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐱

summary. | Steve Rogers is a good man. You’re a good woman. Emotional affairs are harder than they seem.

pairings. | Steve Rogers x fem!reader, Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter, fem!reader x OMC (brief), Peggy Carter x Daniel Sousa

warnings. | ANGST, light smut, allusions to sex, cheating, emotional affairs, pregnancy (not the reader), crying, bad family, sadness, age gap, power dynamics (boss x employee), Christmas, heavy petting, kissing, broken vase (accidentally), sadness, drinking, smoking, nightmares, mild argument, and more. 18+ MINORS DNI!

word count. | ~2.5k

author's note. | hi! i'm sort of back. i'm very sorry for my hiatus. here's a new fic! this is based on the lyrics from Phoebe Bridgers' Savior Complex, which is one of my favourite songs of all time. let me know what you think! taglist: @hansensfics. i might delete this one, but please don’t save it or upload it anywhere. thanks! MINORS DNI! 18+ ONLY!

He’s your boss. You work directly under him.

He isn’t bossy. Really, it’s an issue. Every time he gives you a task, he says ‘sorry’ first and finishes the order with another apology. You tell him he doesn’t have to apologize, but you’ve got the same problem as well. It’s always atonement for something you haven’t even done. You wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it hurt him.

Mr. Rogers is very nice. He has a secret office that he lets you stay in whenever you want. There’s a couch from one country and a desk from another. Each item is foreign in this room.

You’re always so tired, but he tells you to avoid caffeine. He gives you a blanket and tells you to lie down. You listen at first but can never relax. Not when you know he’ll be alone.

The honesty was a mistake at first. Mr. Rogers is so sensitive that he feels what you feel. He knows you so well that if something’s wrong, he’ll bother you until confession. You tell him almost anything, biting your tongue when you know you get too close to baring your entire soul.

The male friend of yours who keeps asking you out. The exams you study for to no avail. Your parents’ absence. Mr. Rogers—Steve, he insists—is a good listener and very wise. It makes sense. He’s much older than you and was on his own adventures when you were born.

The adventures are where he met his wife. Her name is Margaret, and she’s everything you aren’t. She’s headstrong and beautiful beyond words. She’s good with numbers and brilliant. She knows what she wants and will stop at nothing to get them.

Peggy is a real keeper. The wedding rings on their fingers prove this well.

Nothing more than a few kisses and caresses have intertwined you and Steve. Nothing physical, at least.

You’re quiet around him. Never say anything more than a sentence. You shy away when your eyes met, especially if he says something sweet.

Words take up the space as you grow closer. Steve is particularly good with words, whereas you often stutter and blend words together.

And sometimes, there is complete silence. It’s contentful. He replies to emails, and you sort through the pile of mess in the corner.

You tell him your dreams, and he tells you the ones he’s already fulfilled. What he studied in school, his family, his friends, his favourite country he’s been to. Nothing about Peggy—neither of you can bear it.

Unless she’s done something that’s hurt his feelings—like when she swears she doesn’t talk to Daniel Sousa anymore, but he hears them calling late at night.

Sometimes, Steve talks for so long that it gets dark, and your shift is over. He pays you extra—or, at least, tries to. You never take the money because nothing was lost. You enjoy the little time you have with him.

He takes you home, wanting you to avoid walking down the street in the pitch-black evening.

His car is a mess—the same as his office. He apologizes sincerely and pushes everything in the front seat to the back. The directions consist of “take a left” and “keep going straight.” You assume he’ll forget it. You don’t know how much this means to him.

Steve stays parked outside your building when you rush to your room. You live on the bottom floor and are right by the entrance. You’re a movie’s heroine when you throw yourself on your bed and giggle, butterflies filling your stomach.

He is something. The scriptwriter has Steve’s dialogue under his name but with “CHARACTER: TBA” in parentheses. No one knows if the film will be completed. No one knows how it will end.

Mr. Rogers stays parked outside, forehead resting against his steering wheel, and he’s trying to get a hold of his nerves.

Eventually, he grabs his pack of cigarettes that he always hides from Peggy. She often reminds him of his mother—without the sagacity. She tells Steve what he should or shouldn’t do a lot. He hasn’t lived since he breathed you in.

He smokes with the windows up, tears flowing down his face because he knows this can’t happen. He cannot betray his wife, but he doesn’t want to hurt you.

Steve comes to you on a starry night. You can see the moon and something else twinkling through the trees, and he rings your doorbell.

When you open the door, he’s a large man cowering like a small child. He wants to cry—you can tell. His mouth is in a frown that won’t disappear, and his eyes are glassy.

He’s drunk when he practically falls on top of you. He is slurring apologies that you know are unnecessary. His breath smells of whiskey, and he’s very heavy. You’ve fantasized about him on top of you during restless sleeps, but not quite like this.

Somehow, you crawl out from underneath the older, married man. You know it would be fruitless to lift Steve up, so you drag him to your bedroom.

You keep the door to the bathroom open and bring a bucket as well. The water on your bedside table is his now, and so is the charger and landline. Anything he wants of yours, he can have. He doesn’t even have to ask.

It’s hard to sleep when the one you desire so profoundly is in your bed, sadder than he should be. He drifts off with ease, but he’s violent in his tossing and turning. He shines with sweat and tears, soaking your sheets with his scent. You’re not sure if you’ll wash them. It’s a nightmare you can’t rouse him from, one that you don’t dare to ask him about the next morning.

Steve must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed. It’s small, too small for his big being. Or maybe it’s his hangover—perhaps even hunger. You offer to make whatever, but he grumbles.

He’s not sure why he’s taking his disappointment out on you. He wasn’t trying to test you, but you should’ve turned him away. You should’ve told him to go back home to his wife with her expected child inside her womb, but you don’t know this terrible secret. If you did, it would tear you apart from the inside out. This, he knows, for sure.

Mr. Rogers doesn’t say much to you in the morning, drinking two cups of coffee and staring out the window. You sit across him, and he looks past your face—the very visage he can never seem to tear his eyes away from.

“You shouldn’t have let me stay,” he finally says.

“Why not?” you ask, “you came here yourself. I could never turn you away.”

“You need to. You need to go out and, I don’t know, spend time with boys your age. Boys who don’t have wives or girlfriends they won’t leave you for.”

You flinch as if he’s raised one of his gentle hands.

Steve sighs. “That’s not what I meant. I think the lines between us have blurred. We’re not doing the right thing here, honey.”

You can’t look up, can’t face him. You wish this wasn’t the topic. You wish he had told you about his dream instead, and you would have told him yours. The one where he leaves you, the one where he gets his happy ever after with Peggy, and you get nothing.

He gives you a kiss on the head and bids you goodbye. You’re happy you have a day off tomorrow.

It’s almost Christmas, about two weeks since the conversation. Steve tries to make things seem normal. Normal in the sense that he hasn’t made his employee fall hopelessly in love with him. Then, normal in the sense that Peggy doesn’t exist, and he can still keep you in his arms until a customer comes in.

You go on dates with your guy friend like Mr. Rogers has insisted, but they’re unfulfilling. He often prefers to stay home and rent a movie, followed by sloppy kisses and dry humping that is unsatisfactory for only you.

“You don’t have to go out with only him,” Steve reminds you one day. You’re in his lap and he’s just finished reading through his entire diary with you. Most pages are about the employee he’s infatuated with, few are about his wife.

“I know. I just don’t want anyone else but you,” you tell him.

Moments later, his mouth is on your neck and his hand is up your skirt. You’re just about to come when a delivery man walks in, calling your boss’ name.

The shop is closed for a week, and your father has invited you to visit him and his new family. Your step-sisters are older and runway-ready. They have wonderful jobs and husbands that aren’t seeing women younger than them.

It’s like a closed practice. An event you can only watch from afar. You have no place here, even if your stepmother cleaned the guest room for you. You book a new plane ticket so you can go home early. You don’t make an excuse because they don’t even ask why; they just bid you goodbye.

You land at a horrible hour. There are too many taxis that families need—families trying to have a nice, hurt-free holiday.

And so you call Steve, and he answers on the first ring.

“Hello?” he greets, and you can sense some kind of anxiety in his voice.

“Um, hi. Happy holidays,” you tell him, nervous beyond belief as well.

His voice is smooth like honey, crooning in your frost-bitten ear.

“Happy holidays, baby,” he says. Peggy isn’t nearby.

“Uh, I’m at the airport. I was with my dad’s family, but I left. I don’t know how to get home. All the taxis are taken up.”

“I’m on my way, okay? Just sit tight, sweetie.”

“Thank you,” you exhale, “thank you so much, Steve.”

“Anything for my girl.”

When he arrives, he finds a place to quickly park. He takes your sole suitcase out of your hands and presses a chaste kiss to your lips.

It’s sudden.

Mr. Rogers—your boss, a married man—is kissing you like you’re his only lover. Like he’s your boyfriend, and he’s missed you dearly.

You lean in for more, and he pulls away. Smiling, he opens the car door for you.

He takes the long way home, the ones with few cars driving alongside.

“I didn’t know you left,” he eventually says.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. It was a last-minute thing.”

“No, no. Don’t apologize. I went to your place to say ‘hi,’ but no one was home.”

“I should’ve told you. I really am sorry,” you profess.

Steve places a finger on your mouth, shushing you. His hand moves to cup your cheek, and you push your face further into his palm.

“Thank you for picking me up,” you whisper, looking at him intently.

“I’m glad you called me. I missed you. I would do anything for you.”

You say nothing to that. You turn the radio on and the last song is one you recommended to him. You both hum the lyrics until it ends, and he turns it off.

“I always enjoy it when you drive me,” you confess after a while.

“Oh yeah? Why?” he smiles.

“You’re careful. You don’t go too fast or slow. You know what you’re doing. You’re such a pro at it,” you explain, slightly self-conscious of your reasoning.

“That all?” Steve teases, raising his eyebrows.

“Hm… No… I love your hands.” You giggle.

“Yeah? I know you do, baby. Always starin’ at them. I bet you think of them touching you all the time,” he rasps, briefly letting go of the wheel to rub at his beard.

You squeeze your thighs, mind already turning with scenarios where Steve touches you like a starved man.

His hand on your face moves back to your mouth, thumb swiping your bottom lip before pushing in. You suck on the digit, giving it the treatment you would to his cock. When you reach out to touch him, the car suddenly halts.

He stops on the side of the road, eyes watering. Regret etches his features, and you know what’s to come.

“We can’t,” Steve says, pulling his finger out. “Not yet, at least.”

“I know” is all you have to give.

Peggy visits the store in early March. Underneath her shirt is a small baby bump.

When you see it, your heart stops.

Steve brushes past you to lead her away, examining your face for hurt. You’re behind the shelves and watch the couple, your mouth parted with your eyes threatening to leak. You turn and head towards the back, choosing to hide somewhere so you can fall apart in solitude.

Mr. Rogers watches as you leave. He wishes you would look back and give him something, anything. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to hurt you this way. But he did, and he will try to make it right.

Peggy leaves eventually, and Steve closes the store early. He searches for you, listening for a sniffle or movement.

You sit on the floor, a broken vase next to you. He quickly nudges the debris away so you don’t get hurt.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he says, looking down at you. You look up, eyes bloodshot, and you stare at him with something he can’t place. He envelopes you in a hug, and you can feel his erratic heart clamouring against your face.

“Come with me to the office, please,” Steve begs.

You shake your head.

“You ask too much of me, Steve. You have a wife and an innocent child on the way. We can’t keep doing this.”

“No, no. Please, just come. Please, honey,” he pleads once more. “At least hit me, yell at me, tell me to go fuck myself.”

“Why would I? I’m happy for you. You’re getting what you’ve always wanted.” Your voice cracks, and you force a smile. Steve sees through it all.

“No. I want you—I love you. But I don’t have you, do I? Listen, I’ll leave her. I’ll still be a good father, even though I know that’s not my kid at all. We’ll go elsewhere. Move into a nice home and do whatever we want,” he rambles.

Strong Mr. Rogers breaks apart in front of you. You take him into your arms, and you both cry together.

You’re the one that leads him to his office. You sit on the couch with him and notice that his wedding band is gone. He always wears it when Peggy comes by, but he didn’t this time.

“That night you took me in—I dreamt of you. I dreamt you weren’t mine, and you didn’t love me anymore. I messed something up and didn’t fix it. It was the worst nightmare I’ve ever had,” Steve admits.

You don’t say anything. As much as the whole ordeal hurts you, as terrible as what you’ve done to a woman and her child, you can’t let Steve go. Neither can he. It’ll have to end someday, just not now. Not yet.

[nolita-fairytale]

still into you | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader | chapter two: friday

summary: big announcements are made at the james beard house dinner, and carmy tells you how much you mean to him.

warnings: swearing, no use of y/n, she/her pronouns, drinking & smoking

word count: 4.6k

listen to: in transit - albert hammond jr. | nightswimming - r.e.m | friday i'm in love (cover) - phoebe bridgers (playlist here)

a/n: remember when i accidentally posted this earlier today at the start of the american work day? that was weird. anyways...

read: chapter one | bonus smut scene

Friday

The way that the four of you flow together is like a symphony – each one of you so committed to your craft – to excellence – and the feeling you get sends chills down your spine. It’s a sign of how far you all have come, which is what the menu is all about this evening. It was Syd and Carmy’s idea: each dish presented this evening would embody a part of The Bear’s story. You’d even worked with Marcus on elevating his signature chocolate cake, wanting to keep the heart and soul of it, even if it had to lean a little more towards the fine dining side of things.

Never in a million years would Carmy have thought that, on his first day at The Beef, that you’d all end up here. After all the chaos, all the swimming upstream, it felt near-impossible that something so disorganized and broken could become something so beautiful. 

He’s near-shaking at the idea of what he has to do next, but he also knows that this is a story he has to tell. It’s not really something he’s spoken about – at least publicly – and not to the food world. 

But he can’t tell the story of The Bear without Michael. 

He feels like he’s sweating through his chef whites, but you remind him that he’s going to be great. It’s a huge step in his healing journey and after a long talk about it, Carmy had decided it was something he felt he wanted to do. 

“Before we wrap up the evening, we have one more dish before dessert,” Carmy says, earning the attention of the dining room full of people. 

He hopes his voice isn’t shaking too much, and he nervously fidgets with a spoon he’s holding in his hands while you and Sydney stand behind him as literal and emotional support.

His face feels hot. He feels like he wants to throw up and cry at the same time, and he looks back at you for reassurance. 

You nod your head in his direction, a comforting smile on your face, as Sydney grabs your hand. You’re both nervous for him. 

You can do it, Bear. Let it rip. 

“As some of you may know, three years ago I left New York to go back home and take over the family restaurant – the restaurant that would eventually become The Bear,” he explains.

“This dish is uh… it’s really special to me,” he says, trying his best not to let his voice break as he continues.

“It’s an ode to my late brother: a play on the braciole he used to make for me and my sister every Sunday.” 

The dining room gets quiet, each person hanging onto every single word that Carmy says, his vulnerability palpable. 

Carmy suddenly feels emotionally exposed, but he knows there’s no turning back now. He can practically hear Mikey’s voice in his head, encouraging him, pushing him to let it rip. Knowing that he’s got you and Sydney behind him gives Carmy the extra boost of confidence he needs to get through this speech. 

As he explains each component of the dish, it becomes easier to fake it: fake some confidence, fake that he’s not crumbling inside. Carmy knows how to talk about food so he leans into it, even if it feels like his voice is caught in his throat. It feels like second nature -- like falling into an old pattern he's practiced a thousand times -- as he hides behind his tough, calculating, diligent exterior. But he feels as if he’s just put his open, bleeding heart on a plate, and it's impossible for him not to feel.

Carmy clears his throat before concluding his presentation with, “So thank you again for dining with us this evening. Uh… Chef Sydney has some news she’d uh… we’d like to share with everyone.” 

He thanks the gods that he made it through.

He can’t wait to get out of the spotlight. 

Carmy moves aside, letting Sydney take center stage, and he can feel the blood rush through his head – an almost dizzy-feeling. As he stands next to you, you bump up against his shoulder, giving him some comforting touch, in an effort to ground him.

“Thank you, chef,” Sydney begins, glancing back at Carmy. “And thank you for sharing this dish with us. I know that it’s something you hold close to your heart and our story of The Bear wouldn’t be complete without it.”

The dining room full of people begins clapping once again and it gives Carmy a moment to zip himself back up emotionally. He only reminds himself that he has a few moments left of being in front of people. While he may be an expert at fooling everyone else with his stoic exterior, you can see he’s struggling to hold it together.

“And thank you again to everyone for coming out tonight. We have some really exciting news to share. After putting our heart and soul into The Bear, we are at a point in its journey where we can expand,” Sydney begins, earning a few excited whispers from the room.

“We felt tonight would be the perfect time to announce that we will be opening up a second restaurant – a separate concept that I will be leading as CDC in Chicago. I’m really excited to have this opportunity to develop my own concept with my business partner, Carmen Berzatto, and to lead my own kitchen.”

The entire room erupts with applause once again as the wait staff begin to bring out Carmy’s perfectly plated beef dish. Carmy nods as a signal to you and Syd and you both follow him back into the kitchen. 

“Stay. I’ll go help Marcus,” Sydney says to you, reassuringly.

She rubs a sympathetic hand over Carmy’s upper back before saying, “Good work, chef.”

Sydney hurries over into the prep kitchen to help Marcus plate dessert, while you hang back with Carmy in the hallway. He’s avoiding your gaze and you can tell he’s trying his best not to lose it right then and there. His body is still – frozen in a moment of time. There’s a tension that runs across his chest and into his shoulders that hadn’t been there at the start of the night. He looks like he hasn’t taken a breath since his speech began either. 

“That was really beautiful, Bear,” you say softly. He still won’t look at you, but you understand why.

“Thanks,” he nods curtly. 

There’s a silent tension between the two of you and you know what you need to do next. 

“What do you need?” you ask. 

“Think I uh-, just need a little fresh air,” he mumbles, his voice breaking a little, before clearing his throat again. 

“‘Course. Marcus, Syd and I have got this,” you encourage him. 

You wait as Carmy slips out back for a break, before making your way back into the kitchen. Loving Carmy through his grief sometimes looked different. Some days he’d need space. Other times he’d need you – crawling into your arms and allowing you to care for him. Together, you’ve had to learn how to ask, and he’s had to learn how to tell you what he needs. 

“How’s Carmy?” Sydney asks with a concerned look on her face, causing Marcus to look up from the plate he’s working on. 

“He’s okay. Just needs a break,” you answer. You’re not worried about him. You know how painful that was for Carmy, and you’re more than happy to give him the space he needs to sit with it. 

“What can I do?”

And then Marcus is handing you a few extra plates, asking you to double check his previous count to ensure that every single plate went out in a timely manner. 

Carmy returns about ten minutes later, ready to jump back in. He’d just needed a timeout – a moment to feel the enormous swell of emotions that had come up when talking about Michael to a dining room of eighty people. Soon enough, he’s helping plate the tiny chocolate layer cakes, with an olive oil ice cream, and a tahini caramel drizzled over the top. 

Dessert is the last dish to be brought out, and as Marcus presents, the four of you receive a standing ovation at the James Beard House. It’s like for the first time in a week, Carmy can breathe again. He feels like a one hundred pound weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, and his heart swells with pride over how the night’s gone. Everyone’s liked the food, you all have worked so beautifully as a team this evening, and he can’t believe he got through his fucking speech without crying in front of everyone. 

Entirely exhausted yet filled with a grand sense of accomplishment, the four of you drag yourselves out of the James Beard House and back out onto the streets of NYC. You’re not sure who suggests it, but you’re grateful the idea has been brought up as you’re carrying pizzas you picked up on the way back to the hotel. Piled onto the two full beds in Marcus and Sydney’s room, the four of you can finally celebrate a job well done. 

“Yo, I think I like the Sicilian slice better,” Marcus says, polishing off another piece of the pepperoni and mushroom. 

“Oof,” Carmy sounds, watching your face for your reaction. “You’re playing with fire, Marcus.”

Sydney snorts, “Fuck. We’re finally able to relax. No one kill each other, please.”

“What? We’ve already had the Chicago vs New York pizza debate,” Marcus says, throwing up his hands as if he’s innocent. I know what I’m getting myself into! I’m just sayin’ the Scilian slice is giving mad Chicago vibes and it’s dope.” 

You laugh, shaking your head, while Carmy playfully nudges you. 

“Okay, while pepperoni and mushroom is a classic and you know I have mad respect that, as a New Yorker… hard disagree on your style of pizza, chef,” you say back, starting on a new slice of one of the remaining NY Style pies. 

“You know what’s fucking fire? Pepperoni and jalapenos – pickled, not fresh,” Sydney chimes in and you all reply in a chorus of agreement. 

“Hundred percent,” Carmy says. 

“Never fresh. The sour tangy brine is key,” you add. “At least we can all agree on something. 

“You know what’s fucking wild?” Marcus begins, looking across the three of you. “We made this whole fancy ass meal, yet we’re eating pizza in a hotel room at the end of the night.” 

Carmy laughs dryly, “Yeah, man. It’s kinda par for the course.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“Seriously!” Sydney exclaims.

“Speaking of, how was your stage at per se?” you inquire, curious to hear about his experience in the fine dining kitchen. “We barely had time to catch up this morning about it.” 

Truthfully, you’d all been so focused on tonight going well that no one had really talked about it. 

“Man,” Marcus sighs. “It was cool. But like. Now I know what you guys are talking about when you say a chef only let you zest lemons for three months.”

You laugh in response, thinking back to the time blood orange juice caused you an existential crisis. That existential crisis – the one that led you to quitting your job, leaving fine dining behind for good. 

“And it’s like… the whole staff works as a machine. Kitchen’s more like a science lab than a kitchen. I got lucky, huh?” Marcus continues and Carmy shakes his head. 

“Yeah, per se’s a lot like where we used to work,” Carmy says with a shrug. 

“Should’ve seen Alinea. It’s very… science lab meets art school,” Sydney adds. “Inspiring… but cold.” 

“Damn,” Marcus shakes his head, feeling luckier than ever that he got to learn from the three of you instead. 

“Wait. Syd, how was your supper club?” you ask, suddenly remembering that she hadn’t had a chance to tell any of you yet. She had, after all, gotten home late last night, only to get up early to go with Carmy to Chelsea Market. 

“Oh my god,” she gloats. “So fucking cool. Like unreal. You guys have to come with me next time.” 

“I uh-,” she starts again, as if she has a secret. “They actually asked me to come back and do a pop-up dinner, especially with the new restaurant opening. I mean, they want to do a collab with me!”

“Okay, I see you,” Marcus calls out, proud of his friend. 

“Of course they do!” you cheer her on. 

“What do you think, chef?” she asks Carmy, searching for approval in the way his face changes as he hears the news. 

“I think… you’d be silly not to. We’ll work out a time for you to come back up here once we get the new restaurant up and running,” Carmy reassures, respect and pride in his eyes as he exchanges a look with Sydney. 

“And of course, I want you guys back here with me. Like… are we the fuckin’ dream team, or are we the fuckin’ dream team?” Sydney celebrates, reliving the memories of this evening. 

Tonight has been so incredible and Sydney wonders if this is what it feels like to be at the top of your career. She wants to savor the moments of this weekend, replaying them over and over again in her head. 

“Oh 100%,” Marcus confirms with confidence.

“Absolutely,” you promise.

A temporary quiet settles between the four of you as you reflect on the evening. Carmy is quiet again, caught up in his head as he’s filled with a deep sense of gratitude: for all of your hard work, for how well the evening went, for his team. 

You all are his people. 

And he’s never had people before. 

Not until now. 

“Thank you guys. For tonight,” he says, his tone serious. “You guys were rockstars, and... I couldn’t have done it – any of this – without you.” 

“Aw, Carmy,” Sydney smiles, savoring this rare tender moment with Carmy. 

“Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Marcus reinforces.

“Of course,” you smile proudly. 

You each take a moment to feel it all: accomplishment, the gratitude, the love and genuine respect you all have for each other.

“Not to ruin the moment or anything,” you begin, half apologetically. “If anyone’s up for more fun food debates tomorrow, Carmy and I have a fun little tradition I’d love to share you guys.” 

You and Carmy exchange glances and it’s as if he can read your mind. 

“Walking dumpling tour?” he questions. 

You confirm with a nod. 

“What’s the-?” Marcus begins to ask as Sydney finishes his question with, “... the walking dumpling tour?”

“A fun little thing we used to when we still lived here,” you reply. “Hit up as many dumpling spots as we can in search of the best pork dumplings that Chinatown can offer. Hell, I’ll make up a scorecard and we can rate them.”

“Sounds fun. I’m in,” Marcus says. 

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Sydney agrees. 

Carmy checks the time on his phone. 

“Yo, it’s getting pretty late. We should probably head to bed,” Carmy says to you. 

“Oh shit. It’s almost midnight?” Sydney asks, seeing the time on the hotel room clock. 

“Yeah. Guys, this has been fun. Seriously, great work tonight. I’ve missed this so much,” you sigh, totally satiated. 

“You know there’s always room for you at The Bear,” Marcus says genuinely, before adding, in a more teasing tone, “You can send me your resume and I’ll take a look. Nah I’m just playin’!”

You laugh, playfully rolling your eyes, “Okay, it is definitely bed time.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, goodnight you guys,” Marcus replies.

“Goodnight.”

As you and Carmy leave Sydney and Marcus’ room, it dawns on you that you’re not quite ready to go to bed. While you’re exhausted, and should be in a carb-induced sleepy pizza-coma, you’re wired from the adrenaline of being back in the kitchen. 

“Hey, Carm?” you ask, stopping him as he fumbles with the room key. 

“What’s up?” he asks back. 

You pause for a moment, and as you speak, there’s a certain hesitance in your voice, like it’s the first time you’re asking someone out on a date.

“Do you want a drink?”

He’s caught off guard by your tone of voice, curious to know where this is going. 

“Now?” he asks back with a half-smile plastered to his face.

“Yeah,” you shrug. “I-, I don’t know if I’m ready to go to bed yet.” 

You can see the hesitation on his face as he thinks it through. While Carmy knows there are plenty of bars still open in NYC right now, he’s not sure he wants to leave the hotel. 

And neither do you. 

You offer your hand to him, “C’mon. I’ve got an idea.”

*

“I don’t know if we’re supposed to be here,” Carmy states nervously, looking around the empty room. 

He’s bouncing his knee up and down as he sits on a bar stool, alternating between watching you behind the bar, and looking around to check for anyone who may catch you. The bar itself is poorly lit, save for the pool lights outside, that come flooding in through the large floor to ceiling windows. 

“We’re not,” you reply, without a care in the world.

He lowers his voice before asking, “What if we get caught?”

You giggle, “You are such a baby, Carmen.” 

He rolls his eyes as you search for what you need, pouring the appropriate combination of liquors into an old fashioned glass.

Gin. Campari. Vermouth

After stirring them together over ice, you reach for an orange and y-peeler that the bar is stocked with, shaving off a piece of the orange peel. 

“Besides, isn’t that the fun part?” you ask, a glimmer of mischief flashing across your face. 

Carmy shakes his head, averting his eyes as he brings his hand up to his mouth, “You’re a bad influence on me.” 

You snort in response and it’s your turn to roll your eyes at him. 

“And you love it, my little rule-follower.”

“Relax, Carm. I’m gonna leave $40 behind the bar for what we took and we can go back to the room when I’m done if you’re so worried about it,” you offer as a compromise, the tone of your voice still a rebellious one. 

He has to admit that he finds your devil may care attitude incredibly sexy. Carmy’s not sure whether he’s anxious or turned on right now. 

 “Yes chef,” he finally agrees, cheekily. 

“Lighter, please,” you request.

Carmy pulls his lighter from his pocket, tossing it to you. You catch it, immediately flicking it on, using the flame to torch the orange slice. 

Just a spritz of the orange, and then the rest of the peel for garnish.

You hand Carmy the drink from across the bar, before working on your second one.

He looks down at the deep red colored liquid before saying, “Sweetheart, you know I hate gin.” 

But you’re one step ahead of him. 

Only moments later, you’re stepping around the bar with a second glass of whiskey on the rocks prepared for him. You trade glasses with him, and he can’t take his eyes off of you as you finally say:

“Cheers.” 

Clink. 

“Cheers.”

You both take your respective first sips, making sure to hold eye contact with him as you do. He looks at you, and you’re not sure if he’s more surprised that you haven’t gotten caught or that he’s willfully watched you break into the hotel pool bar. 

“Thought you said we could take these back to the room,” he challenges. 

You smirk, even though your heart is filled with pure adoration for the man standing across from you. 

“Yes, chef.”

It’s an easy choice to take your drinks back to the room, opening the french doors that lead to the terrace. You pull a spare blanket from the hotel room closet, curling up with it outside. You drape the blanket over both you and Carmy as you settle down on his lap. He’s brought his lighter and a cigarette out with you, so you close the french doors behind you so that he can light one up. 

You haven’t stayed up this late with Carmy in a while. It feels good – spontaneous and a little rebellious – like anything could happen at any given moment. New York City always seems to bring this side out in you. 

It’s home. 

But Carmy is also your home. 

Having the two of them here all at once is an indescribable feeling. You enjoy the bitter taste of your negroni, the cool spring air kissing your skin as you sit on your boyfriend’s lap. Carmy enjoys his cigarette, his whiskey sitting on the patio table in front of the two of you, as he exhales the smoke away from you. 

“Does being back here feel… I don’t know. Weird to you?” Carmy asks, breaking the quiet between the two of you. 

It’s like he can read your mind, again.

“Yeah,” you answer. “But it’s a good weird. I think maybe because we have all these memories here, you know?”

He takes another drag off the cigarette and it’s your turn to ask him a question. 

“I wonder what would’ve happened if you hadn’t spilled your drink on me that night. You think we still would’ve become friends?”

He’s quiet for a moment as he thinks about it. 

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, answering honestly. 

You let out a small laugh. 

“Hell of a way to get a girl’s attention.”

“Wasn’t trying to.”

“Bullshit.”

He’s telling the truth – sort of. He hadn’t been trying to get your attention, though he had spent most of the night racking his brain for any kind of conversation starter – get out of his own fuckin’ head. But he’d spent most of the night overthinking and coming up with reasons not to. He had sort of been your boss back then, after all.

He waits a beat before admitting, “And maybe the only way I would’ve even talked to you that night.”

You hum in response, taking another sip of your negroni. 

“Even then I thought I’d fully fuckin’ blown it.”

“You didn’t,” you say, shaking your head. 

“Uh… yeah I did,” he smiles, shooting you a ‘c’mon’ kind of look. “The first time you ever actually talked to me and… you’re fuckin’ furious. I was terrified.”

You can remember your first real conversation with Carmy fondly – even if it hadn’t been the fondest experience at the time.

“Baby, you ruined my shirt!” you exclaim with a laugh. “I had every right to be mad at you.”

“I wasn’t sure I’d see another day after that,” Carmy recalls, shaking his head. 

“Also. Who drinks a soda the night they get the biggest promotion of their career?” you add, referring to the coke he’d spilled all over you the night he’d gotten promoted to CDC. 

“Pop,” he corrects you. “... is a perfectly normal thing to drink at a bar.”

You roll your eyes playfully, “It’s not. But I love you anyway.”

The staff of the restaurant had wanted to go out and celebrate Carmy’s new position, only Carmy hadn’t seemed like he was in much of a mood for celebrating as he’d refused shots all night. He’d been so nervous to talk to you all night, the recently hired pastry chef, and you’d assumed he hated you considering his cold and stoic demeanor at work seemed to translate to you outside of it as well. He thought for sure he’d blown any chance of getting to talk to you that night, when you accidentally bumped into him and he’d spilled his soda all over you. Your shirt was soaked through, and your friends had rushed in with a spare t-shirt for you to change into. You’d come to find days later that it was Carmy’s shirt that he’d had in his bag.

That soda – and his chivalry that evening –  had set it all in motion.

“After all that, think we’d be here?” he asks, his eyes more like a sad, sweet puppy than ever before.

“No,” you answer honestly with a half smile. “But once I got to know you, I hoped maybe we could get here.”

He sighs, searching for the right words to tell you how he feels. The love you have together is more than he ever thought was possible for himself, and being back here with you has brought up so many memories of not feeling like enough. 

“It kinda feels…” he begins to say, choosing his words carefully. He wants to get it right. “...like. I don’t know. Kinda like we’re going backwards and forwards at the exact same time, you know?” 

You take another sip of your drink, processing what he’s said. He’s nailed it and you just need a moment to sit with his words.

“Yeah,” you sigh, like he’s finally named that thing you hadn’t been able to. “Like our past and our present are colliding or something.”

Carmy nods in agreement, “Yeah.”

You sit together in your comfortable quiet, listening to the sounds of the city below you: sirens, car horns, music from the bodega across the street. 

“I don’t know if I ever told you… how much your friendship meant to me back then. I wasn’t… well, I wasn’t in a great place,” Carmy admits, his eyes piercing and honest with his words. There’s a sadness to him and you wonder if this has been weighing on him over the last few days on top of everything else. 

“I know, sweetheart,” you reply empathetically. 

“I know we’ve talked about…” he trails off, searching for what he wants to say. “... how much we mean to each other now. But you meant so much to me back then too. I don’t-, I don’t know if I ever told you.” 

“Carmy,” you say, your heart swelling with love for the sad mess of a man whose arms you’re wrapped up in. “You didn’t need to. I-, I knew because… because you meant so much to me back then too.” 

He pauses, wondering if he should keep going, and coming to the conclusion that he wants to – not for your sake, but for his. 

Because he wants to tell you. 

“When we met… I wasn’t… planning on letting anyone in,” he continues. 

“Hmmm, didn’t notice,” you joke with him. 

He gives your hips a squeeze, causing you to giggle as you snuggle a little closer to him, hugging the blanket around the both of you. 

“I thought for sure I didn’t need anyone. Sure as hell didn’t want anyone. Had gone so long without someone to-. It just didn’t make sense for me anymore.”

You listen quietly, wanting him to give him the space to say what he needs to say. 

“You know, my sister used to say, she used to tell me that one day I’d wake up and I’d need someone. Someone other than Mikey and his friends – the kids I grew up with. And I didn’t believe her. And then he cut me out and-. And I got really fuckin’ good at it. At the food. At being alone….”

And then you came along.

“But you didn’t push me… you didn’t ask me to be anyone that I-. You just… let me be me… even if I didn’t give you much to work with at first. I think… Sugar was right. I needed a friend back then… and you were always a friend. Are always… It’s why I love you.” 

You’re grinning, and you’re also so, so proud of him – how far he’s come – to be able to tell you all of this. 

You lean over to set your drink down on the patio table. You only have one thing to say him, as you hold his head between both of your hands:

“I’m so in love with you, Bear.”

*

read: chapter three

a/n: the above first conversation/meeting that carmy x reader talk about WILL be written for my 'make my heart surrender' prequel everyone buckle up for the will-they-won't-they bc we all know THEY WILL

taglist: @allthefandomstogether @gaysludge @sobshoney @harrysmatcha @starbritestarlite @tpwkkmila @cool-girl-is-hot @nunya7394 @galaxyprincess51-blog @carmensberzattos

[thefrontofmymind]

actress!reader x matty healy instagram blurb

(FC: Daisy Edgar Jones)

a/n: hello everyone!! again, i really enjoy reading instagram blurbs so I decided to write another one! any feedback is appreciated or if any of yall have requests/ideas for fics or faceclaims for more of these i'd love to hear them!! kisses!!

yninstagram MET GALA 22 🖤🖤 @/oscardelarenta

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ynfan1 OMG PAUL AND YN AND PHOEBEEEE

enews We’re dying! A Normal People reunion!!!

oscardelarenta It was a pleasure having you join us!

>yninstagram Thank you so much for having me !!!

phoebebridgers sexyyy

ynfan2 she’s so pretty i can’t breathe

ynfan3 mommy? sorry. mommy? sorry. mommy? sorry.

ynupdates yn with a fan last night at the 1975’s show in LA! apparently she was there with Phoebe Bridgers and Bo Burnham!

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ynfan1 she looks so prettyyy!!

ynfan2 omg PLEASE tell me there’s photos of her with bo and phoebe!!!

>ynupdates check out my page!!

ynfan3 this is me! she was so lovely and she danced with me and my friends for a couple songs!

>ynfan4 omgggg i’m so jealous!!

yninstagram Vanity Fair. Out now. Xxx.

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ynfan1 mOTHER???

trumanblack fit x

>1975fan1 matty?? And yn??

>ynfan2 yn was seen at a 1975 show like a month ago!!

>yninstagram @/trumanblack oh, you.

ynfan3 already bought a copy!!!

ynupdates yn out with some friends at a bar in LA! 

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ynfan1 who was she with??

>ynupdates some industry people and her manager, Rachel!

ynfan2 i miss her London vibe but i’m so glad she’s getting more exposure in america!

>ynfan3 she’s scheduled to go on British radio next week so hopefully she’ll be going back soon !!

mtvnews Is a budding romance in the air? We think so after Yn was a blushing beauty on British breakfast radio after being asked about her newfound friendship with The 1975’s frontman, Matty Healy! Eagle eyed fans noticed Healy commenting compliment after compliment on Yn’s insta posts since last month (when she conveniently was seen at Healy’s show in LA). What do you think? Let us know in the comments!

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ynfan1 ugh can’t 2 people just be friends?? she seemed so nervous for the whole interview and they took ONE part out of context!

1975fan1 who even is she?? maybe her and matty are just friends!!

>ynfan2 she’s an actress! She was in Normal People and she’s gonna be in a show with Andrew Garfield later in the year called Under The Banner Of Heaven!!

yninstagram lol

>trumanblack 🤪🤪

yn1975fan1 do yall see yn and matty’s comments???!! what is going on??!!

trumanblack smooch xx

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yninstagram okay cruella devil…

>trumanblack RUDE

1975fan1 omg matty with a dog??? DYINGG

ynfan1 wait isn’t that yn’s dog, rex???

>ynfan2 omg i think ur right!!

>yn1975fan1 omg that’s so cute that matty met rex!!!!

ynupdates yn seen in London yesterday with Matty Healy from the 1975! they had some drinks with some friends and were walking hand in hand! so cute!

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ynfan1 omg omg omg omg omg my PARENTS

ynfan2 they are ADORABLE I LOVE THEM

yn1975fan1 from all the videos of them together, they seem so happy with each other <;33

1975fan1 cmon…we don’t know if they’re dating! They could just be friends!!

yninstagram i help him work 💞

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yn1975fan1 OOOHHHH MYY GODDDDDDDD

ynfan1 aaahhhh theyre so cute together

trumanblack help distract me more like

>yninstagram shut up you love it!

trumanblack i help her work 👹👹

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yninstagram STOPPP DELETE ITTT

>trumanblack never its what you get

yn1975fan1 omg they are just the cutest im dying!!!!

1975fan1 ok matty and yn are totally together im gonna just lay down on the highway now

denisewelch gorgeous!! X

managerrachel don’t you bother her too much, Matthew!

>trumanblack attacked? on my own post? when she started it?

yn1975fan2 SHUT UP MY NEW FAV COUPLE

enews New couple alert! Actress, YN and 1975 frontman, Matty Heally were seen very close last night outside a bar in Soho, London (if you know what we mean). This comes after months of flirting and appearances on each others’ socials but neither parties, nor their teams, have yet to confirm anything–though we think it’s pretty clear where their relationship lies!

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yn1975fan1 they’re cute and all but this kinda feels like a breach of privacy? like they didn’t know the photo was being taken and if they wanted to be public with their relationship, they’d talk about it more

ynfan1 take this down!! this was clearly taken without their permission!

yn1975fan2 ugh idk who i’m more jealous of!!

1975fan1 please stop sending me these pictures of my fiancé wrapped around another woman. This is not me and it's hard enough knowing this has happened without seeing it. Enough now.

---

yninstagram via stories:

---

yninstagram heatwave killin me

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trumanblack the weather isn’t the only thing thats hot

>1975fan1 mATTHEW

ynfan1 so pretty!!

managerrachel get inside! don’t want my favourite client getting heatstroke…

>yninstagram yes mum…

yn1975fan1 pretty sure that’s out the front of matty’s house…

>yn1975fan2 well if they’re dating its not really a surprise that they spend time at each other’s houses

trumanblack 📸📸📸

TAGGED: yninstagram

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yn1975fan1 yn is so prettyyyyy

1975fan1 these are so cute!!

yninstagram 💕💕

>trumanblack 💗💗

trumanblack Today marks a year of loving you. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy–I didn’t think I could ever be this happy. Thanks to you, I believe in soulmates. Here’s to one, and many more to come. xxx

limited comments

yninstagram xxx

yninstagram 1 year with this one. My dear, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and everyday, I love you more and more. I cannot wait to see what else comes our way 💕💕

limited comments

trumanblack 💗💗

people Packing on the PDA! Matty Healy and YN were seen this week dining in London. They appeared very in love and rumours report they were celebrating their anniversary! How cute!

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yn1975fan1 i love them so much!!!

yn1975fan2 i can’t believe they’ve been together for a whole year!!

yninstagram big day 🕊️🕊️

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phoebebridgers so beautiful, queen!!

>yninstagram love you!! So glad you could be there xxxx

managerrachel my girl is MARRIED!!!

trumanblack officially off the market, ladies and gentlemen

limited comments

1975adam welcome to the married gang bro!

yninstagram yeah, NOW you’re not single…

>trumanblack in the eyes of the lord, baby!

[ofstoriesandstardust]

she'll be the best you ever had if you let her (n.p.t.)

note: i'm not sure i totally LOVE this idea but @cottagecori is my resident enabler so you're getting 2k words of something i may or may not continue

cw: quote unquote affairs, swearing, bisexual reader, this won't be everyone's cup of tea and that's okay! it's not for you!, is this poetic genius or have i just been listening to too much phoebe bridgers

“and i can wish all that I want but it won’t bring us together”

December 2021

Your hand shakes as you move to wipe away the tear that began to fall down your face. Sam’s hand finds yours, squeezing. 

“I’m sorry.” You hear your best friend whisper. “You didn’t deserve this. I’m sorry.” 

-

May 2021

Meeting Natasha had been like coming home after a long day, warm and safe. 

You’d only been back in San Diego for a week and a half when you’d run into her on your first day volunteering at the U.S.S. Midway. They’d been having an event for certain Navy personnel and needed extra hands, which is how you'd ended up meeting her. 

Even dressed in her formal blues and her hair pinned back in a tight bun, you’d been left more than a little flustered by her striking beauty, much to the amusement of the other volunteer you’d been working with. 

She’d been kind, chatting with you as there was a delay in the program, her nimble fingers brushing yours as she takes a booklet from you. 

You’ll blame the redness of your cheeks on the beaming sun atop the retired Naval aircraft carrier before you’d ever admit such a short interaction had left you feeling so much. 

But Sofia knows, as you will come to learn that she always does, and mentions that a bunch of the younger volunteers, kids of Navy officers, are headed to a local Navy bar for the evening. Invites you along with the promise of a good evening. 

And you know, in your soul, that you don’t typically enjoy nights out. Not in packed, crowded bars, certainly not surrounded by drunken military men. 

But this part of your life is supposed to be different and it will never be different if you don’t make decisions you normally wouldn’t. 

So with a twinkle in Sofia’s eye and a warm smile on her face, you link your arm with her and follow her off the looming ship on the shores of La Jolla. 

-

In hindsight, you should’ve known. Should’ve taken the twinkle in Sofia’s eye for mirth and laughter and trouble, but you can hardly bring yourself to care as Natasha’s mouth slots against yours. As one hand rests in your belt loops and the other soft yet firm against your cheek. 

The loud music in the bar seems to drown out in the corner you’re tucked away in, any and all thoughts fleeting as Natasha’s surprisingly soft lips press against yours again and again. She’s all you can focus on, the warmth spreading through your body as you think about how good it feels to be doing this again, to be doing this with her. 

-

Falling in love with Natasha is simple. 

It’s easy, like falling asleep. 

She’s as kind as she is strong-willed, a duality that shouldn’t exist together but does. 

You can see, even from easy conversation, how much she cares about this team that she’s stationed with, how much they’re family to her. 

She’s older than you, not by much, but enough to make you feel like she’s one of those real adults you always joke about with your friends. It’s something that should make you insecure, dating someone who had their life and shit together but never does. Natasha isn’t like that, would never make you feel small. 

Her friends might, a few of them making teasing comments about if you’re even of legal drinking age the first time she brings you back to the Hard Deck, but you know that you have always looked younger than you are. 

(You’d worked with middle schoolers in your freshman year of college and they all thought you were 14. You knew.)

But still, Natasha is there, warding them off with a witty comeback and a hand on your back, something that settles your nerves more than any amount of alcohol ever could. She didn’t have to do this, you knew, remembering the way your ex had let you sit there as you got torn apart by his friends. 

But Natasha isn’t him. She’s kind, and warm, and light. She listens to you on your good days and your bad days, makes you coffee on late nights as you slouch over books and an open Google doc, and brings you groceries when she knows you’ll be too busy to remember to do it yourself. 

She makes sure you always feel seen and heard. She goes to the airport with you to pick up Sam and Fran when they move back to San Diego and joins you on game nights with your cohort and your friends from the Midway. She supports all your dreams, no matter how small they may seem to other people. She has your friends from college giggling over a margarita about how they’re impressed you finally managed to date someone who’s nice to you. She makes it a point to be at all your presentations and always read through the drafts of your thesis when it feels like your eyes might melt. 

In short, Natasha loves you. To her, it’s simple and honestly, how could you not love her in return? 

Natasha knows you and loves you. She loves you because she knows you.

Which is why it feels like a dagger cut so deep when Natasha admits to you that she knew. 

-

November 2017

His fingers tremble with rage as he sets the paper down, barely breathing as he struggles to meet his partner’s eye. 

“How long?” He whispers. 

“Tom-” 

“How. long.” He grits out. 

Pete sighs. “Since August.” 

“Three months.” He whispers. “Three months and you hid this from me the whole time?” 

“You were sick Tom, I needed you to get better. You never would if you had known. And- And I hardly know anything as it is-” 

“You know enough.” He spits out, eyes unable to look at just one piece of information on the papers scattered out in front of him. “And this girl? What do you plan to do?”

Pete sighs again. “She’s my daughter, Tom. I have to know her. I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t.” He whispers, a fact that is making bile rise in his still-healing throat. 

“No.” He says with a quick shake of his head. “No. If you want to stay married to me, she stays out of our life.” 

-

July 2021

“Okay, thoughts?” You say, stepping out into the living room. 

“You look pretty!” Fran exclaims as Sam nods his head in agreement. 

You weren’t sure what was appropriate attire to meet Natasha’s friends, other than Natasha telling you to wear whatever made you most comfortable. You’d been through six different outfits, each one being pulled off faster than the last. 

“But we’ve said that about all of them.” 

You heave a sigh, flattening out the skirt of the dress. “I know but-” 

“No buts. You look incredibly pretty and Nat is going to like you just as much as she did yesterday.” Sam says firmly. 

You sigh again, glancing ​​at him. “I wish you guys were coming with me.” You admit quietly before plopping down on the couch next to Fran. 

Fran leans over to straighten the straps of​​ the dress, as she offers you a knowing smile. “You’re gonna have a good time. Sam and I can entertain ourselves for an evening, you know.” 

“I did live here for a while, remember!” Sam shouts from the kitchen.

When had he gone into the kitchen?

You hum as a knock sounds at the door, signaling Natasha’s arrival. You push yourself off the couch to answer her, unable to swallow the smile that spreads when you realize she’s brought you flowers. 

“You didn’t have to.” You whisper, taking the bunches of sunflowers from her. 

“I wanted to.” She says, pressing a kiss to your cheek before you can go far. She shuts the door behind her, following you into the foyer and then the living room. Fran brightens as she sees Natasha. 

“Let me take these from you.” Fran offers, before extending her other hand to Natasha. “You must be Natasha. I’m Fran. Sam’s in the kitchen. Babe, do you have a vase?” 

“I don’t know.” He calls back. “Why would we need a- oh.” Sam gives you a grin as he appears. “Yeah, let me see if I can rustle something up. Why don’t you kids get out of here?” You roll your eyes, ignoring the flaming of your cheeks as Natasha takes your hand, bidding your friends farewell. 

Nat’s right hand finds your thigh, drawing circles into your skin with ehr thumb as she pulls out of your driveway. 

“So remind me how you know Sam and Fran?” 

“Sam and I had a mutual friend and ended up really hitting it off. They’re just visiting for the weekend. I’m actually staying in his family’s place right now.” 

She hums. “That’s very kind of him.” 

You huff out a little laugh. “You’re telling me.” 

-

The Hard Deck is less noisy this time around, although your eyes still struggle to adjust to the dim light of the bar as you push your sunglasses up to the top of your head. 

Natasha guides you past the bar, promising to return later as she directs you to the pool table in the back. Her hands are firm against your shoulder blades as you walk. 

“Boys.” She calls, earning the attention of the men crowded around the pool table. They all turn, catching sight of you and you have to fight not to curl into Natasha. “This is my girlfriend.” 

The tall one, the blond, grins, being a little too sharp around the edges for your liking. “Are you sure she should even be in here Phoenix?” 

Her thumbs press into your shoulders as if to say breathe, relax, i got this. 

“Pretty sure you’re the one that likes them below the legal drinking age Bagman.” 

“Back off, Seresin.” A brunette says, pushing him out of the way. “I’m Bradley.” He says, extending his hand to you. You take it, giving him a soft smile. 

You’d heard about Rooster, Nat’s best friend. “Nice to meet you.” 

“This is Bob and Fanboy.” Nat says, pointing to your left. “Behind them is Payback and Coyote. The irritating blond is Bagman.”

“Hangman-” 

“The rest of the crew will be in shortly.” You wave to the boys, struggling to not make yourself feel small in their looming presence. “It looks like Mav is over at the bar, why don’t you come with me? I want to introduce the two of you.” 

You nod, intertwining your fingers with her as the two of you walk back towards the bar.

“Mav.” She calls, earning the attention of a shorter man.  A fond smile blooms on his weary face, turning from his conversation with the bartender. 

“Lieutenant Trace, to what do I owe this pleasure?” 

“Mav, this is my girlfriend. This is Captain Pete Mtichell, my commanding officer.” 

Pete’s smile almost seems to fade at the sight of you, but he must think better of any immediate negative thoughts as he extends a hand. “Nice to meet you.” 

“You too.”

Mav lets your hand go, turning to the person sitting next to him, an older man with graying hair. “Tom, this is Phoenix’s girlfriend.” 

The man, Tom, frowns at Pete. “I can hear Pete.” 

Natasha lets out a little laugh. “This is Tom Kazansky, Captain Mitchell’s husband.” 

Tom tips his head in greeting. “Good to meet you.”

[makethatelevenrings]

Waiting Room // D. Grayson x f!reader

Requested? Yes!

Warnings: smut 18+ only!, small mention of pregnancy, angst, grief, MCD (supposed)

Summary: In a somewhat convoluted setting of Forever Evil/pre-Grayson, Dick is leaving to help rescue the Justice League. You both know he isn’t coming back. The two of you say goodbye. (Title from Phoebe Bridgers song)

“I should have known.” Your voice cracked on the last word. Dick’s back went rigid at the sound of your words and he set down his escrima sticks on the bed. You ran your hand over your face, blinking against the burning in your eyes.

“I should have known this day would come,” you whispered. “I don’t regret loving you, Dick. But even you can admit that this isn’t easy.”

“I know.” He turned to face you and your gaze trailed across his face. Dark bags clung to his eyes, the bright blue having dimmed under the weight of the world that he shouldered. There was a lingering bruise on his jaw and an abrasion on his cheek. The world was falling apart outside, but all you could see in front of you was the single thing that kept you in this orbit.

And he was leaving you.

“I have to do this,” Dick said, as if you didn’t already know. As if you didn’t already understand. But you knew and you understood. That was what you loved about him the most. His unfailing desire to save the world. His frenetic kindness. His desperate need to ensure that the world would still remain standing, even if it took him down with it.

“I know.” The two words breathed a final acceptance into the room. Your face crumpled and he surged forward, his strong arms coming up to wrap around your waist and pull you into him. Dick let go with one hand and used it to cradle the back of your head as sobs wracked your body. Minute tremors shivered across his spine and you could feel damp tears stain your temple.

“I love you, Richard Grayson. Don’t you ever forget that.”

“I won’t. I could never.” For Dick, his promise was law. A sob bubbled up in your chest and he gripped you impossibly close, as if he could shield you from the inevitability of time.

“Let me taste you one last time, baby. Please.” Normally, you would joke that he sounded like a dying man asking for a drink of water. Now, the joke fell flat across your tongue and curdled your insides as your realized that this truly was the last time his calloused fingers would brush against your skin.

You grabbed the edges of your shirt and yanked it up and over your head before clashing your lips against his. The kiss was desperate and hot, tinged with the salty burn of tears as the two of you battled for dominance. You put up a decent fight, but gave in quickly as Dick’s strong hands gripped your hips and slid his thigh between your legs.

He grabbed the waistband of your pants and yanked them down, leaving your bare before him. Dick shoved his stuff off the bed and sent it crashing to the ground, but he didn’t care. He tossed you onto the bed and strode towards you, stripping off his shirt as he approached.

He curled his fingers around your knees and pulled your legs apart, revealing yourself to him. Dick inhaled sharply as he took in the sight of you spread out under him and wanting. His tongue darted out, wetting his lips, and then he kneeled down and nuzzled his face against your inner thigh. You gasped out a tight breath as his tongue darted out and lapped at your cunt.

Your fingers slid into his raven locks and you tangled the strands in your grip, urging him to continue his ministrations. Dick chuckled at your insistence, but obeyed your unspoken question. He slipped a finger in your cunt and crooked his finger, as if beckoning for you to cum as his lips sealed around your clit.

Dick loved the taste of you on his lips. He savored the bitter sweetness across his tongue and lavished you with unspoken praises, his tongue stroking you through the trembling seizing of your muscles and jerks of your hips as pleasure consumed you. You grit your teeth as whimpers escaped the back of your throat and then you let out a mournful cry and tugged on his hair.

“I need you, Dick. I need you inside me. Please.” The final word cracked through the air and he was up and kneeling above you in seconds. His thick cockhead brushed against your entrance and you tilted your chin up, beckoning him in for a kiss. He answered your begging with a gentle press of his lips while the head of his cock slipped between your folds and split you open. A soundless cry of ecstasy and heartbreak escaped you, your lips parting as tears streamed down your cheeks and onto the sheets below you.

Dick fucked into you with long, rolling thrusts that shoved the headboard of his bedframe into the wall. The rhythmic thud matched the slap of skin on skin as he thrust over and over again, panting words and sweat across your body. As your high neared its peak, you grabbed his face between your hands, cupping his cheeks with a gentle touch. His eyes met yours, pupils blown wide with lust, and you nodded.

Your cunt clenched around him as you came, but instead of your usual closed eye acceptance of ecstasy, you kept your eyes locked on his. His hips stuttered and you felt warmth surge through you as you milked his cock as he spilled into you. The room quieted as his thrusts slowed and he curled his arms around you and rolled onto his side, his dick still nestled in you. You welcomed the feeling of fullness, savoring these last few moments of his skin against yours.

“Go to sleep, sweetheart,” he murmured. “Please. I want my last memory of you to be here. Now. I want to remember the sight and taste of you forever.”

You wanted to protest. You wanted to fight the exhaustion that crept into your bones and pulled your damp eyes shut, but you had been fighting for so long that the gentle stroke of his hand along your spine had you falling asleep in minutes. Dick whispered sweet nothings until the darkness claimed you.

When you woke up, he was gone. The room was bare, save for the stuffed elephant that was placed between your arms. You pulled Zitka to your chest, inhaled the smell of Dick, and let the tears soak the stuffed toy.

Zitka was the only thing you brought with you from the apartment. All of your photos with Dick had to be destroyed after his identity was revealed to the world. You had turned off the news after it first broke and curled up in bed of your new place, Zitka clenched tightly against your chest.

Damian was a constant shadow ever since Bruce came by and gave you the news you already knew. But the confirmation had still fractured that last remaining shard of hope inside of you. The youngest Wayne had been the Robin to Dick’s Batman and he felt a certain loyalty to your deceased lover, including taking care of you. No matter how many times you had told Damian that it was alright if he left you alone, the boy refused to leave you, even recruiting the help of the other batlings.

It was Damian who found you curled up into a ball on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. Zitka sat in your lap, pressed against your chest. Your eyes were locked onto the small plastic stick that rested on the bathtub wall.

“Ukhti*…” he said softly. You shook your head, unable to tear your gaze away from the line of dollar store pregnancy tests. Six tests. All positive.

“I should have known,” you whispered to the hollowed out shell of your heart, to the grief that threatened to swallow you alive. “I should have known that loving you would hurt, Grayson.”

* = if my googling is correct, this means “my sister” in Arabic

Tag List: @someoneimsure @perpetual-fangirl900 @visagebrise @cursedandromedablack @alexxavicry @havingarebelliousstage @the-wayward-daughter @raging-trash-of-mind​ 

[sunlightellies]

"deal."

→ masterlist

→ pairing: Bella ramsey x reader

→ genre: notfamous!bella, hospital!au, angst, melancholic, fluff if you squint, gn!reader

→ tags/warnings: mentions of dying and death, do not read if you get triggered by death. angst!!! slowburn-ish (takes a while until the reader is introduced. sorry peeps.). cursewords. a friend of bella's is not so nice:(

→ word count: 8k+

→ proofread? sorryy no

→ a/n: i saw someone say they wish there were more angst fics with Bella and as an angst lover myself i couldn’t help but to write some. warning this got way out of hand so this is like, SAD, sad. if you like reading heartbreaking things and enjoys to suffer like me tho then this will be perfect for you! also i know this isn’t a very accurate fic,, but i did it for the sake of great fanfiction, so don’t be mad. i hope you all will like it anyway!

(i try to stick with the same pronouns for Bella in fic writing but sometimes i slip up as i use any pronouns for them when casually talking about them; in this fic i’ll mainly use they/them for Bella, but excuse me if i use another pronoun as well lol.)

→ summary: While you sat on the bus on your way home thinking about Bella, Bella was laying in their hospital bed at the same time thinking about you. At this time neither of you knew how inseparable you two were eventually gonna become. Maybe running in the corridor at a hospital is sometimes a good thing?

It was another regular Thursday for Bella. They were on their way home from the television workshop while Phoebe Bridgers was playing in their earbuds. Walking in pace to the music and taking a left turn right at that cozy café they always thinks about visiting, but still never does. They could see the front of his gray apartment building, walking a little faster as they wanted to get home as soon as possible.

Bella yanks up the door as soon as they unlock it. “Jojo, Skipper!” The two pets came running at the sound of Bella. Their friend and roommate Vera owned the two pets together with Bella. Vera asked Bella if they could feed the cats before they left the television workshop since Vera wanted to stay and practice a little longer. “So.. are you hungry?” Dragging out the sentence they look at the two pets with an eyebrow raised. Jojo answers with a loud meow. “Me too Jojo, me too.” Bella chuckles to themselves while putting their bag down and taking off their shoes. They walk into their kitchen and take a painkiller. They’ve had this weird problem with headaches recently, so taking medicine for headaches has become a daily routine for them every night. Bella didn’t think much about it, they were very active, studying and doing theater, which both took a lot of energy so they thought their headaches were due to some kind of stress and that it was somewhat reasonable.

A few weeks later Bella was eating by themselves after practice and they thought about trying to drink more water and start taking some vitamins. The headaches were something they could live with before. But as the weeks had gone by they had gotten worse and on top of that they had gotten unusually tired and were often feeling nauseous. Bella believed that it might have to do with some kind of lack of vitamins.

The semester was slowly coming to an end and Bella had recently found out they got into LAMDA (London Academy of Music and Dramatic arts) to pursue performing arts. It was a huge achievement for them. They had celebrated with their friends the night they found out, and now a few weeks later he was beginning to pack their things for college. Bella sat down on their bed looking at all the boxes, trying to decide where to start. They had written down on all the boxes what should go in them, to keep things organized. Although Bella had trouble reading on the boxes due to their blurry vision. 

“Have you had that eye exam that you were talking about a few days ago?” Isaac took a sip of his coffee as he was looking at Bella while waiting for an answer. Isaac was a close friend of his, they had been doing theater together for years. Isaac was part of a group of people at the television workshop that Bella always practiced with and some of them also go to LAMDA. They all were really close and had been for years. Today Bella was only hanging out with Isaac though. 

“I went there and got my eyes checked but it was really weird. She kept asking me questions. She started with headaches and I get that, it’s somewhat logical she’s asking me about that, it’s normal to get headaches while trying to see, you know?” Isaac nodded. Bella took a deep sigh and continued,

“But then she kept asking if I’ve had problems with nausea or vomiting, feeling confused while doing everyday things and having difficulty with balance.” Bella paused to take a sip of their tea. 

“Did you tell her yes? Because you know I’ve seen you struggling both in school and at practice lately. You’re a really good student Bella, and an amazing actor. I mean you just got into LAMDA dude. If you told her no, I’m gonna be disappointed because obviously something is going on with you, and you need help. We’ve all been telling you to seek help from a doctor but you’re too stubborn.” Isaac was looking at Bella while putting a hand on their shoulder, “Me and the others are really worried about you. I know you haven’t exactly gone into details or talked alot about what’s happening but don’t think that we’re not noticing that you’re in pain and having difficulties.” 

Isaac who was usually a very upbeat guy was for once very serious. Bella felt kinda embarrassed and kept looking down on their cup while stirring it with their spoon. “I told her yes when she asked me about it, and then she didn’t say anything more than that I should book a doctor’s appointment and check it out. So I did.” Bella kept staring at his tea while hearing Isaac ramble on about ‘he’s been telling me to go to the doctor for weeks and how can I even listen to a random woman immediately like that and not my friends’.

Bella was sitting outside the doctor's office with Brianna and Isaac at their side. Bella didn’t like going to the doctor, but they knew they had to. They weren't feeling well and they had started to get worried. He was a little bit nervous, so Brianna and Isaac offered to come with him as support.

“Bella Ramsey?” a woman's voice sounded out. Bella stood up and Brianna gave Bella a reassuring smile before they followed the woman. They went into her office and sat down in one of the chairs. The doctor was looking at some journals in her computer before turning to Bella and smiling. “Hi Bella. We talked on the phone a few days ago. Do you remember?” It felt weird the way she said that, if they could remember it. Of course they could. Not the whole conversation, but parts of it. Bella decided to not put much thought into it and just simply answered, “Yes, I do.” The doctor continued to smile at them and said while nodding, “That’s great. So we both know why you are here?” Bella nodded and then they kept talking about their problems for a while. She was asking questions about how it affected their everyday life, how school was going, what symptoms they were having and the progress of them and if they had gotten any more since he called. 

They talked for a while and she did some tests on them regarding balance, memory, sensory and finally a blood test. “Okay Bella, we are done for today. I’ve scheduled an MRI for you in a few days, please don’t forget. We’ll call you a day before about preparations. Bring a close one if you feel scared or nervous.” Bella nodded and took the paper the doctor handed them and got up from the chair they sat on. Bella shook hands with the doctor before they turned around and walked out the door.

Isaac and Brianna stood up as soon as they came back into the waiting room. “So what did she say?!” Isaac looked nervously at Bella. “Nothing. She asked me some questions and did some tests, and then just said that she scheduled an MRI for me. I don’t know what for.” Their hands were fiddling with the paper they got before they handed it over to Brianna. Brianna read on the appointment paper while Isaac whispered, “damn, this may be worse than we thought.” Brianna hit him in the arm and looked at him. “You dumbass, don’t say that! It’s just an MRI!” Isaac said a quiet ‘sorry’ while rubbing his arm where Brianna hit him.

All three of them were quiet on the way to the television workshop. No one really knew what to say. “Maybe we should google your symptoms?” Isaac finally spoke up. “Stop saying dumb ass things Isaac, or else I’m gonna get that headache soon too.” Brianna paused before talking again, “We all know that googling your symptoms is just gonna scare everyone more. We all know except Isaac.” After that it went quiet again and everyone kept walking slowly to the television workshop to meet up with the rest of the group. Isaac said it may be worse than we thought and Brianna said it’s just an MRI to calm them down, especially Bella, and it’s normal to get an MRI sure, but a doctor would definitely not schedule an MRI if the problem was a loss of vitamins. Bella’s thoughts were racing with different scenarios. They knew it probably wasn’t a big deal, but they were still scared. 

“Hey guys!” Isaac opened the door to the studio while Bella and Brianna came shortly after. A few voices were heard from all across the room that greeted the three people entering. “How did it go at the doctor’s office?” A guy with blonde hair spoke up. That was Asher. He’s a great actor, but an even greater comedian, although Bella always thought Martha was the funniest one in the group. “It was fine, nothing special, she scheduled an MRI for me.” Bella said back to him while going up to hug him, but Asher took a step back. “An MRI? Why?” Asher looked puzzled. “Well I obviously need one. Why else?” The practice started but Bella had to sit on the side most of the time. Today the dizziness and nausea was really bad. They couldn’t even stand up straight and even if they were stubborn enough to keep trying, their friends told them to sit down. They gave Bella a look of pity before going back to practicing.

That night when Bella came home they went right to bed. They were so exhausted. Their mind was blank. Not a single thought. They sat down on their bed and took a deep breath and then began to change their clothes and then just threw them on the floor before sliding under the covers. After a few minutes of trying to sleep, the thoughts came running back like a herd of horses. They started thinking about what will happen, what has happened to them. They knew it was more than just an MRI, more than what Brianna had said to calm their nerves. Bella wasn’t stupid after all, they didn’t need google to know what their symptoms could be.

A few weeks have gone by, and Bella’s parents are in town to help them and be there as support when they’re going to the doctor to find out the results of his MRI scan. They have been worried sick over the last few months, trying to talk to Bella about it but only hearing from their friends about how’s it going for Bella. Bella hates feeling weak, especially in front of their parents. It cuts Bella’s heart into pieces about how they’ve tried to make their parents proud their entire life and now all their work is at risk of being all ruined. His parents have of course always been proud of them, whatever Bella’s done. They were happy for Bella when he got into LAMDA but they wouldn’t be less proud if Bella got into another school, and as for now, they won’t be disappointed that Bella may have to give up their spot in the school. All their parents could think about this day was how whatever ends up happening, they are gonna be there for them and they’re all gonna get through it. 

Bella texted with their friends in their group chat on the way to Dr. Watson’s office. They were obviously nervous, and their friends were too. The chat got sentimental quick and they all swore to Bella that they are gonna be there for them no matter what. Bella felt good expecting the worst, that way they wouldn’t feel as shocked if it’s worse or just as expected, they would also be relieved if it wasn’t as bad as they thought. 

The ride to Dr. Watson’s office was just as quiet as it was in the waiting room. Neither Bella nor his parents knew what to say. They were all just hoping for the best. As Dr. Watson came and called out Bella’s name, they rose up from their seat in a swift move and went after her, their parents following. Bella had told Dr. Watson earlier that their parents would be coming with them so she had already prepared seats for them all. When they all sat down Bella’s parents sat on each side of Bella, and both their mom and dad grabbed a hand each from Bella. Dr. Watson welcomed them briefly before cutting right to the chase while she brought up a file and took out the MRI scans of Bella’s brain. “I’m sorry but I’m not bringing good news to you today, Bella.” she started off and looked right at Bella, “You have Glioblastoma.” 

Bella knew what that was. They knew it was a severe dangerous tumor in the back of their head. Dr. Watson kept explaining what it meant, using a pen to point the mass of cells in the pictures while going on about how it mostly occurs in older patients but can happen with younger people too, how it’s not genetic and how you treat it and other stuff that Bella couldn’t catch up on. They weren't really listening and were just tuning out all sounds, stuck with their thoughts. They could feel his parents holding his hands tight and saw their dad wipe his tears in the corner of their eye. Bella thought expecting the worst would help them cope with bad news, but it didn’t. They were in shock and didn’t know how to react. Their mind refused to believe the things they had just heard. 

“So Bella. We’re going to put you in chemo first. We’re going to schedule a surgery as soon as possible but because the surgery is severely dangerous, complex and risky, it’s unfortunately going to be hard to find a neurosurgeon for this so you might have to wait a few months.”

The meeting finally came to an end after what felt like hours to Bella. Their mind still couldn’t really register what just had happened, but they were happy their parents were at their side and how they comforted them through the entire appointment. Bella’s parents still held their hands but let go to shake hands with Dr. Watson. On the way out their dad was walking at Bella’s side and held his arm around them tight. Their parents continued to smother Bella with love and support the rest of the day. 

Bella was laying in their bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, and thinking through all the events for the day. Their phone was blowing up with notifications and calls, but they couldn't bear to answer. Their friends were calling and texting, so worried and of course wanting to know what the doctor had said earlier that day. Bella just looked over their shoulder at their phone, picked it up, turned it off completely and then going back to not give a single fuck about answering them. Bella needed time. They barely knew what had happened and needed to regain their thoughts and energy before talking to other people. They didn’t want to hear people's pity for them and they most definitely didn’t wanna answer all their questions. They could wait.

Four days had gone by and Bella was on their way to the television workshop to talk to their friends. They haven’t talked to them at all in the last few days and they finally gave up looking for answers from Bella and eventually talked to their parents. Bella knew that everyone that knew them, now also knew about their diagnosis. The word spread fast, and as soon as Bella started their phone again after a few days with it turned off, it overflowed over with notifications, texts, voicemails, and calls, 

“I’m so sorry Bella. Sending our blessings.” 

“Hope you get better soon, we’re here for you.” 

“Sending all our love and support to you.”

The texts just kept coming in and Bella had a hard time holding their tears back for the first time since they got the news. They haven't been able to cry in the last few days, not a single tear. It was frustrating for them, they wanted to cry. They wanted to lose their mind and just let it all up. But they couldn't. 

Bella finally arrived at the television workshop after a long and slow walk. They stopped right outside the black door and took a deep breath, slowly reaching for the door, finally opening it and walking straight to the room where their friends practiced. Opening the door and seeing all their friends sitting on the floor, doing nothing. Martha was fiddling with her shirt and Asher was just staring down into the floor, the others also fiddling or just staring into the brown wooden floor. It was unbearably quiet, still no one heard Bella come in. 

“Hey guys.” Heads snapped at the direction of Bella’s voice and shocked faces were immediately seen before they all rushed up to Bella’s side. Hugs were shared and tears were shed. “We have been so fucking worried dude. I swear. We haven’t been able to practice without you and definitely not without knowing if you are fine.” Martha spoke up first after the silence, hugging Bella tight. Bella chuckled, “I wouldn’t really say that I’m fine, but I feel better now that I’m here with you guys.” 

Bella talked to their friends about what the doctor had told them, what their illness is and how the treatment works. They answered all the group’s questions and it felt good getting it out. Bella was afraid they would treat them differently, treat them with pity and caution, but they were the same. Teasing and joking about the situation. It felt good to laugh about it. They eventually started changing the subject and Bella felt happy. Bella felt hope and luck, thinking that with these guys by their side, they were gonna get through it. 

The days went by and Bella was now on their way to the part in the hospital where they would get their first chemotherapy. Martha and Brianna were supposed to go with them for support but ended up being stopped by the guards in the reception. They weren’t allowed to go with them. Only family was allowed. Unfortunately Bella’s family couldn’t come to visit them this time around. Bella took a long time to walk up the stairs. Counting the steps as they set one foot above the other. They could’ve taken the elevator, but they didn’t want to. They wanted to drag out the time as much as possible, and they weren’t in a hurry anyways. 

“305.. 306..” he paused at the last step and looked up, “.. and 307.” They went up the last step and began walking towards the map just a few meters in front of them, because they weren't really sure where to go. The map said they should go to the right and as they turned, he saw the sign for the ‘chemotherapy’ immediately. With even heavier steps than before, they continued their stroll towards their first chemo.

a few months later…

Bella was currently living at the hospital. They had gotten worse and the chemo wasn’t working. They were now in chemotherapy and radiation therapy because the doctor wanted to try them as a combination. However, Bella was still waiting for the hospital to find a neurosurgeon to remove their tumor and it didn’t seem that they were in luck of finding anyone soon. 

Bella’s friends came and visited them almost everyday. They were really grateful to have them on their side. They often showed Bella their new plays, they played games together, watched movies or just slept when Bella wasn’t in the mood to hang out. In the middle of their thoughts a sudden raise in volume rang through the room. “You cheated!” Bella looked up from their cards. “I did not!” someone screamed back. It was Wilmer and Isaac that were fighting. Bella wasn’t really paying attention at first due to their head being full of thoughts, but after a few seconds they came back to their mind. “Hey, hey, calm down and stop screaming. Let it go. Think about Bella, don’t stress them up for nothing.” Martha told them and Isaac, who was accused of cheating, who had also risen from his seat, sat back down. Both Wilmer and Isaac looked ashamed for a second but it all went away quickly as they kept playing. 

After a few hours they all had to leave for practice. Bella was all worn out, they always were after hanging out with them. They didn’t have much energy these days due to all of their medication and treatments. But they were getting hungry and it wasn’t dinner yet, so they went to talk to the nurses if they could have his dinner early. As Bella opened the door from their room they only took a few steps in the corridor before someone ran into them. 

“Oh my god, I am so, so sorry! How are you feeling? Are you hurt?” The sweet but panicked voice ran through their head as they looked at your hand that you were holding out for them to reach so you could help them up. They grabbed your hand and you helped them up from the floor. “I’m fine, and it’s not all your fault, I should’ve checked the hall before walking out.” Bella chuckled as they looked up at your face, studying your features. You were really beautiful, but they didn’t recognize you. “Have I seen you here before?” Bella asked you as they turned around to close the door to their room. 

“For starters, no, it was all my fault, I shouldn’t even be running here anyways. For the second question, probably not, I really don’t spend a lot of time here. I was just dropping something off for my mom. She’s a nurse.” You broke into a smile after you finished your sentence and it was the prettiest smile Bella had ever seen. “Oh okay, makes sense. Nice to meet you though, even if we kinda had a rough start.” You both let out a laugh. 

It went silent and Bella looked down to the floor and saw the bag that you were holding. “Wait, is that carbonara!?” He looked at your face with a shocked expression. “Yes, it’s for my mom. She forgot her dinner so I brought her some.” Bella's mouth went into an ‘O’ shape before they spoke again. “Wow. I’m so jealous. I haven’t had that shit in forever, and I sure do miss it.” they chuckled a stiff laugh. “You want some? My mom needs this for her dinner but I can go back to the restaurant and get some for you, my treat.” You gave them a smile as Bella visibly got excited and showed it through physical movements, not for long though. “Oof, I really shouldn’t be doing that” They said as they bent over and took some deep breaths. “But wow, you would really do that for me? That would be amazing.”

An hour later you came back to the hospital with a bag of more carbonara in your hand. You couldn’t remember which room was Bella so you asked your mom, and then went to their room. You were outside their door and knocked, and you barely finished knocking before it opened. With your hand in the air, you brought it down and instead brought up your other hand with the bag. “Ready to eat some carbonara?” You giggled and Bella blushed. “Only if you eat it with me.” You nodded. “Deal.” Bella smiled as you walked inside their room, sat down the bag, brought up the food and started eating. 

After a while of eating in silence Bella was getting curious and wanted to get to know you better. “Sooo.. do you work or are you still in school?” They glanced at you before shoving food into their mouth. “I work in a coffee shop called ‘A whole latte love’ actually.” Bella stopped chewing and abruptly looked at you. “The coffee shop at the corner of Southbridge street?” You nodded simply at their question. “I live in the apartment building next to it! I always walk past that place on my way home, and every time I see it I think about how much I want to check it out!” they squealed, getting excited. “Woahh.. what if we would’ve met there?” Bella stared at you with a stunned expression on their face. You just shrugged and answered, “Fate works in weird ways, man.” and then kept eating. 

You ended up staying much longer than you thought. You had a great time with Bella and they were really sweet. You two got along well, and you thought about visiting them soon again. While you sat on the bus on your way home thinking about them, Bella was laying in their hospital bed at the same time thinking about you. 

You two started to hang out a lot. Mostly at the hospital, since Bella wasn’t really allowed to leave at any time. But you still had fun. Bella loved hanging out with their friends, but it was nice to actually spend some time with someone other than a nurse or their friends. They snapped out of their thoughts when they heard the door open. Looking at the door they were hoping it was you that were coming but it was Martha and Vera. 

“Hey love. How are you doing? Sorry we haven’t visited as often as we used to.” Martha spoke up as he grabbed a chair from the corner of the room. “It’s alright..” Bella hesitated to tell them about you for a few seconds, but decided to tell them anyway. “I’ve actually met someone.” Both Martha and Vera got an astonished look on their faces. “Who? When? What?” Vera spoke up. “They literally ran into me in the hall.” Bella said while emphasizing ‘literally’. “They ran into you.. and you became friends?” Martha continued to ask. “Yes, and then they bought me carbonara.” Both of the girls next to Bella went ‘aaaah’ with a nod at the same time. 

“Okay, then I get it. Makes sense. But is there something going on between you two, what’s their name? Who is it? Spill it.” Vera wiggled her eyebrows at Bella. “Their name is Y/N. And you know that coffee shop at the corner next to our building? They work there.” Bella sighed. “I don’t know if there’s something going on yet, honestly, I really like them, but we barely know each other and I don’t know if they like me. I mean, who would even like me? I’ll probably die before I even get a chance of getting married anyways.” Suddenly the door opened in a rapid move. 

“Now why the fuck would you even say something like that you fucking fool!” Every head was turned to the door and there was Isaac. After him came Elsa and Asher. Everyone was silent waiting for an explanation from Isaac. “Sorry, we were eavesdropping.” Asher finally said. “Yeah, I think we understood that part.” Vera expressed with an annoyed tone in her voice. “Okay sorry I could’ve maybeee.. been a little harsh.” Isaac dragged out the maybe as if he was waiting for someone to disagree with him. No one said anything, they all just stared at him with an annoyed face.

“Well anyway. I disagree with what you said. Because you’re not gonna die. And also IF you were dying, you still deserve love, stupid.” Emphasizing the ‘if’ Isaac finally explained what he meant when he barged in. “Why do you always use a degrading word when you’re talking to us? Can’t you ever use a loving word?” Martha waved her hands around in some kind of frustration. “Of course I can, but I don’t want to. I can still be sweet though.” Isaac paused, “I love you all, you morons.” Martha just sighed and put her head in her hands at Isaac’s words while Isaac himself was cracking up by his own words and the annoyance of Martha. “I mean, points for trying.” Asher said and let out a chuckle while shrugging from behind Elsa, who both were still standing by the door.

A few days went by and you were at work. You’ve had to pick up a few extra shifts lately. Texting Bella that you were sorry for the lack of communication but you may be able to come by tomorrow, and ending the text with a cute ‘i miss you’. Bella had been missing you too, maybe too much. Seeing that the text they received was from you, they quickly opened his phone to answer. “It’s okay, but I need carbonara to be able to forgive you.” They sent the text and quickly added, “I miss you more.” you snickered at his response and texted him a quick ‘deal.’

Bella was alone in their room, listening to some music and just laying in bed, thinking. Turning to their side and looking out the window they pleasantly watched the rain fall down outside and hearing the rain hitting the window. Autumn was beginning to set and that made Bella happy, they liked autumn. For Bella it meant a fresh start. It was always a new school year, new classes, hopefully some new friends. But this time there was no school. They should’ve even gone off to college by now, but couldn’t due to their.. situation.

A knock on Bella’s door woke them up from their slumber. They weren't feeling good at all today, and just wanted to sleep the whole day away. You opened the door slowly and peeked inside. “Hi there lovebug. Heard you’re having a rough day. I bought carbonara, should I just put them down and leave?” you took a few steps inside to put down the bag. “No, please stay.” Bella’s hoarse voice spoke out. “Okay, as you wish.” you started to bring out one of the chairs as Bella spoke again. “No, lay down with me, please.” Their voice were barely audible but you could hear it clear as day. “Are you sure?” You hesitated but started to go to them as Bella made space in their bed and reached out their hand. “Please.” they whispered with tears threatening to spill in their eyes. 

You laid down beside them and they held you as close as they could. You were laying with your head on their chest and began drawing circles on their arm in a soothing manner. “Please, make the pain go away.” Bella choked out, voice still hoarse and tears slowly going down their cheeks. You sat up on your elbow and looked into his eyes. Bella followed you with their eyes and you were now staring at each other. Bella’s sweet, adorable eyes, the eyes that were filled with love and happiness, were now full with pain and misery. “Oh my sweet, sweet lovebug..” You brought your hand up to caress their cheeks. “I wish I could. I would’ve done anything to make your pain go away.” You were about to shed some tears too but you held back as much as you could. You laid back down and began drawing circles on his skin again as you calmly started to sing quietly to “Lullaby” by Sleeping At Last.

♪

“Goodnight, goodnight, it’s time now to sleep,

The moon’s watchin’ over you and your dreams,

Goodnight, goodnight, my sweet little one,

Tomorrow, your eyes, they will light up the sun.

But goodnight, goodnight, sweet dreams for now,

Drift off to sleep on your pillow of clouds,

Goodnight, goodnight, my sweet little friend,

Tomorrow’s adventures, they will soon begin

Tomorrow’s adventures will soon begin.”

♪

And after a while, you both fell asleep in the arms of each other.

Lucky for you, it was Saturday and you were free. You woke up before Bella, but it was kinda late. Almost 5pm. You were debating if you should wake Bella up or let them sleep, and went for the latter. But you really had to pee though, so you tried to get out of their tight grip on you as smoothly as possible. Your mission was accomplished when you got out of the bed without waking Bella. You went to the bathroom and when you were done you decided to go to the cafeteria to get some dinner. You wrote a quick note for Bella, and left.

When you came back Bella was awake and scrolling on their phone. “Good evening love bug, how are you feeling? I brought dinner.” You set down the food and looked at Bella and gave them a smile. “Better, but I’m feeling a little worn out. But why did you buy dinner? Couldn’t we just eat the carbonara you brought earlier?” Bella sat up with their legs crossed. ‘Oh shit. The carbonara.’ you thought to yourself. “I mean, we could, but I totally forgot about that if I’m gonna be honest. Let’s just eat both options while we play some video games, yeah?” You walked up to Bella and gave them a sandwich and a coffee. “I know that I’m dying, but you don’t have to baby me you know.” Bella said while they stuffed the sandwich into their mouth. “When you stop saying that you’re dying, because you’re not, then I’ll stop babying you.” You sat down in front of Bella and put your feet up on their bed. Bella looked at you with love in their eyes and said, “deal”.

Bella was casually sitting in the lobby for their division of the hospital where they were, well, living. Scrolling on his phone, they suddenly got a call from Martha. “Hey love, what’s up? Can I come by?” Martha's voice rang through his ears as she spoke a tiny bit too loudly for Bella. “Yeah sure. See you soon.” The call was quick, but Bella was happy she was coming to visit. Their friends unfortunately didn’t visit as much these days due to school and work. Bella understood that they were busy but they still wished they could see them as often as they used to before. 

Bella and Martha played video games in Bella’s room for a few hours. At some point they had to stop because Bella was getting dizzy. “So.. how’s it going with Y/N?” Martha asked Bella. “It’s going really well, I genuinely think that they actually like me, and I like them. Like a lot. “ Bella started to blush at the thought of you and started fiddling with their fingers. “Okay, that’s really great.” Martha said coldly, having a stiff smile on her face. “What’s up with the face? What are you thinking? Tell me.” Martha sat up straight at Bella’s words. “You know, I just think, maybe don’t go too far with them you know? You know I love you and want nothing but happiness for you, but think about Y/N. You might not actually make it Bella. We all hope you do, but both you and I know there’s a chance and it’s bigger than everyone wants to believe.” Bella’s face filled up with sadness at Martha’s words. “I know I’m being harsh, but all I’m saying is, don’t be selfish. If, only if, you wouldn’t make it through this, you’re gonna break Y/N’s whole heart Bella.”

Bella was still fiddling with their fingers. The tears ran down their cheeks. “I know.” They whispered. Bella knew Martha was right. They had thought the exact same thing before. Even if they often made jokes about dying, they really didn’t wanna fully realize that they actually were dying. “I’ve been holding back because of that. I really don’t want to hurt Y/N, but at the same time they actually give me hope, and I for once feel like it’s worth fighting this, for them.”

You and Bella hadn’t seen each other in about two weeks. You texted them everyday asking if you could come over, but they always declined saying that they weren't feeling great. You knew that they were lying, because you could see on their Instagram that they’ve been hanging out with their friends. Getting tired of being pushed away, you wrote a quick “we need to talk, i’ll be there soon” before sending it to Bella. Bella saw the text immediately and started getting anxious. It seemed to be urgent, so what did you want to talk about?

Arriving at Bella’s floor you went to their room with rapid steps. As soon as you got there you burst the door open and saw Bella getting scared and almost throwing their phone away. They quickly sat up straight and looked at you with a confused face. “We need to talk.” was the first thing you said when you came in the door. “I know, you texted me saying the same thing. Oh and you know, people often knock before they walk into someone's room.” Bella pointed at the door which you didn’t knock on. You shook your head, “Why are you avoiding me?” taking a few steps forward as you were taking off your coat and then hung it over a chair waiting for Bella’s response. “I haven’t. What are you talking about?” Bella has unfortunately  never been a good liar, so you could see right through them, also, you had proof because of their Instagram posts. “I saw your Instagram. You told me you didn’t wanna see anyone because you weren’t feeling well. Why didn’t you wanna see me? Did I do anything wrong?” Your voice started to become a little unstable and tears started to well up in your eyes but you tried to hold them back as much as possible. 

Bella went quiet and you were just staring at them, waiting for an answer. “Sorry.” Was the only thing they could let out. “Sorry for what? I want an explanation Bella.” You raised your voice and caught Bella a bit off guard. You’ve never raised your voice at them before. “I’m sorry I avoided you. I was scared that we were getting too close, that we were..” pausing and taking a deep breath they continued, “falling in love or something.” Bella spoke in a whisper on their last sentence. You could barely hear what they said. “Why would that be a bad thing?” You were clearly getting annoyed, and Bella could easily tell. They opened their mouth to say something before they closed it again. They didn’t really know what to say. “Because I’m dying Y/N. I didn’t want to be selfish and only think of my own happiness. Because I think you too know there’s a chance I’m not going to make it.” At this point both you and Bella were crying, you had so much to say to them but you didn’t know how to express it. “But you never thought of talking to me about this? How I felt, what I want? Bella, I’m a fully grown person. I knew what I was getting into when I first got to know you and honestly, my heart broke just thinking about you avoiding me and not wanting anything to do with me anymore.” You felt kinda bad for Bella who was practically sobbing by now. It obviously was a hard topic for them to talk about. But you were still kinda annoyed. 

“I’m really sorry Y/N.” Before they finished their sentence you started talking again. “And for goodness’ sake stop saying that you’re gonna die! We don’t know that! Even if you are, if you set your mind on it too much, and keep saying that you’re gonna die you’re just gonna make everyone around you miserable. That, if anything, is selfish. You gotta try making the best of the situation.” Bella looked up at you for the first time since you two started talking. “You make my situation better.” Their voice was barely above a whisper, but you heard it. “Don’t you sweet talk me now! I’m still pissed at you! Even if you’re so freaking flirty!” You liked their response and tried to hide it since you were most definitely still mad at them.. definitely still mad. At least you wanted them to think so. “Bella, I understand that it’s hard for you. Shit, you have cancer, it fucking sucks honestly. The only thing I’ve been doing is supporting you and trying to cheer you up. It’s sweet that you feel that I make your days better but I have feelings too. I really like spending time with you but you gotta make some effort for me too.” Bella nodded to your words. “I understand. But we gotta make a deal. I’ll promise to do better if you give me a kiss.” You tried so hard not to break a smile, but you still did. Sighing you started to think it over. “Ah.. Haven’t I done enough for you yet?” you let out a small laugh. “But okay, deal.” You sat down beside Bella and took their hands in yours. You two sat in silence staring at each other for a few seconds, “So are you gonna make the first move or do I have to?” Bella chuckled at your remark and started to lean in. You got tired of how slowly they were leaning in and you brought your hands up to their face to grab it and smash your lips together. You didn’t really make out, but you kissed them for a good minute. “I think this deal is our best one yet.” They said while stroking your cheek and you just laughed at their words. You both laid down to cuddle and after a while fell asleep.

A few months went by and you had spent time with Bella basically every day. You walked down the hall to their room as you did everyday. Opening the door to their room, Bella wasn’t there. You looked around but couldn’t find them. You had brought food, so you put it down to go look for them. Carefully closing the door, you went to the nurse station to ask if they’ve seen them. They didn’t know where Bella was. You started to walk to the activity room where they sometimes would hang out with other patients. As soon as you turned at the corner someone grabbed your face and kissed you out of nowhere. At first you were surprised and annoyed, but as your eyes sprung open in shock you saw that it was Bella and you started to kiss them back. “Surprise, babe.” They mumbles against your lips. You giggled at their antics and you ended up making out. Another patient happened to enter but you both made him promise not to tell the nurses. 

Bella had been trying a new treatment recently, and they were actually starting to get better, although they were still waiting for the hospital to find a surgeon. Since Bella was getting better, you had started to spend a lot more time together outside of the hospital. Going to the movies, eating in restaurants, shopping, going on walks and having picnics, meeting Bella’s friends and going to the television workshop. You two actually made a visit to your job too, since you remembered Bella really wanted to go there. But the happiest moments were when you two spent time at the television workshop with their friends. They all loved you so much and even if Bella barely could practice himself, you still made an effort to show support for their biggest passion. 

You and Bella were alone in the practice room and were joking around as “Can’t help falling in love with you” by Haley Reinhart came on. Bella instantly stopped what they were doing. “Care for a dance, my love?” They held out their hand to you and you accepted it with a giggle. You two started to slow dance to the song, doing some twirls here and there, but mainly just dancing as close to each other as possible and having eye contact. It was such a romantic and lovely moment until the door spurt open and your heads turned to the door. Standing in the door frame was Amanda who looked utterly disgusted. “I forgot my earphones.” She quickly went to get them and turned around in the door before she went out and closed it, “Please don’t end up having sex in the practice room and I think I speak for everyone when I say that.” With one last weary look, Amanda closed the door. You and Bella just exchanged looks and ended up bursting into laughter after the encounter with Amanda. 

You were playing video games with Bella and Wilmer in Bella’s room when it knocked on the door. Elsa who sat behind you went up to open the door. She opened and there stood two nurses, with weird looking smiles on their faces. “Bella!” one of them shouted, Bella’s reflexes worked quickly as they turned their head to where the voice was coming from. You paused the game and you and Wilmer put down the controllers to hear what’s going on. “Hey, what’s up?” Bella said with a confused tone in their voice. “We found a surgeon for you.” Everything went quiet after the nurse spoke. “What? If that’s a joke then I’m moving to another hospital Anna, I swear to god.” With a raised eyebrow Bella pointed at the nurse who apparently was called Anna, who also gave them the news. “I’m not kidding. She’s from Switzerland and we’ve scheduled a surgery as soon as next week on friday.” Everyone was speechless. Isaac was the first one to react. He went up to Bella and gave them a hug while starting to cry. “Did anyone else think that he was gonna do something inappropriate at first or was I the only one?” Wilmer spoke up and everyone agreed before he got a slap on his arm from Martha beside him. “Of course we did but we’re not always supposed to say everything we think!” she whispered to Wilmer .

The days were getting closer to the surgery and Bella was visibly getting more nervous as the days went by. Their parents are now here too for support as they haven’t been able to visit as much as they would’ve liked to. “How are you doing?” You asked Bella as you two were walking in the park. “Are you nervous?” They squeezed your hand before he started talking. “Yes, very much so, there’s literally so many risks with this surgery you know? But, I’m also so thankful for this opportunity, and I have all these amazing people by my side at all times.” They were looking down at the ground as they kept speaking, “So even if I’ve never been this scared in my life, I've also never been this thankful in my life.” You smiled at their words and gave them a quick kiss before you started walking back to the hospital.

The day had arrived. Everyone was really emotional. Bella was pacing around their room waiting for the nurses to go get them. They had earlier met with the surgeon, Livia, and they went through the whole procedure together with Bella’s parents. Everyone was watching Bella pace, their friends, their parents, and you. “Are you sure you shouldn’t sit down and calm down a little Bella?” your voice was hoarse from crying and lack of sleep. They just shook their head and kept on pacing. It knocked on the door and every head in the room turned to the door. No one went to open it. “Someone go open it, I can’t do it!” Bella shouted while waving their hands crazily above their head. Their mom got up to open the door. “Are you ready Bella? We’ll come and get you in 15.” was all the nurse said before she left again. Bella's mom got them to finally lay down after a minute of Bella freaking out. Everyone was hysterically crying and telling Bella how everything is gonna be fine and wishing them luck. You had been waiting for your turn to speak to them and finally you got it. You took both of their hands in yours. “I love you, so so much.” The tears were streaming down your face and Bella brought your hands up to their lips to kiss them. “But I don’t want you to worry, everything is gonna be fine.” Your voice cracked at the last word and Bella giggled. “I know, my love. In the end, everything will turn out alright.” They sat up a little bit to kiss you. “Also, can you bring me carbonara when I come back? I haven’t had it for so long, I would absolutely love to celebrate a successful surgery with some carbonara.” You laughed at them before you answered, “Deal.”

A few minutes later Bella had left and the only thing you could hear was people crying and wiping their noses. After a few hours you and Bella’s parents were the only ones left in the room. Bella’s parents had basically forced the others to go home and sleep since everyone had stayed up all night the day before the surgery. You had to grab some air so you went to buy some carbonara for later. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath when you stepped outside. It was in the middle of summer and the sun was shining. You walked slowly to the restaurant so you could enjoy the weather and think about something else so you wouldn’t spiral. You came back after an hour and set down the carbonara on the table beside you. The only thing left now was to only wait.

At the end of the day, the carbonara never moved. It stood there on the table so peacefully in the background while you were on your knees sobbing as a nurse held you, after receiving the news that the love of your life, had taken their last breath.

♪

“The evil it spread like a fever ahead,

It was night when you died, my firefly

What could I have said to raise you from the dead?

Oh could I be the sky on the Fourth of July?

.. The hospital asked, “should the body be cast?”

Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky

Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth

Do you find it all right, my dragonfly?”

♪

[tongue-ttied]

my avatrice headcanons because they’re adorable pt.2:

(also im sorry to all of you that i hurt with the last headcanon on my last one, unnecessarily sad)

-Ava’s a huge fan of taylor swift

-Beatrice is more of a pheobe bridgers fan / and a big fan of instrumental

-Ava would marry Bea with paper rings

-Beatrice listens to Taylor Swift when Ava isn’t around / they share a spotify account so Ava totally knows

-Bea won’t go out with Ava on a night out but still tells her to go have fun / Ava always leaves early cause she just wants to go home to Bea

-Ava flirts really hard with Beatrice when she’s been drinking and it gets Bea all flustered

-Ava is oblivious to everyone flirting with her when she bartends because she only has eyes for Beatrice

-they bake cookies together and Ava eats all the raw dough and Bea tells her she’s gonna make herself sick (which she always does)

-Ava hates her birthday because she was always alone / she forgot about it this year

(canonly in s1 e4 Sister Francis says Ava will age out in a month so that means Ava turned 20 while in hiding. s2 is two months after s1 but Ava said that Bea and her had only been at the bar a month so either they have only been in the Alps for 1 month or they’ve been there for 2 and but worked at the bar for 1?? / im thinking too hard about this)

my head canon is they’ve been in the Alps for two months but only worked at the bar for one please tell me if i’m wrong

-Ava let it slip that her birthday passed and Bea was sad she didn’t tell her about it / Bea then baked a cake, bought her a gift, made her a card and cooked her a nice dinner to make up for it / it was the best birthday Ava has ever had

-Beatrice thinks she’d be a terrible mother because of her own relationship with her family/ Ava KNOWS Beatrice would make an amazing mother

-Beatrice taught Ava german

-the few times Beatrice has fallen asleep reading on the couch she’s woken up to Ava asleep on top of her like a weighted blanket

-Ava has a tendency to get changed right in front of Beatrice because she really doesn’t grasp the concept of privacy around her / “we’re best friends Bea who cares if you see me in my bra!”

-Beatrice gives Ava piggyback rides when Ava claims to be “too tired” after training

-Ava likes to study all of the lines, scars and callouses on Beatrice’s hands and Bea just lets her / Ava knows all the stories of all the scars she’s ever seen on Beatrice

-Ava definitely calls Beatrice by other pet names / she’s definitely let ‘Babe’ slip a few times and played it off

-Beatrice likes to run her fingers through Ava’s hair when Ava rests her head in her lap while she reads

-Hans thinks they’re dating / that’s what the ‘glance’ was about he thought they were having a couples argument

-the pretty girl at the bar whispered to Bea “she’s been watching us the whole time, now she knows she’s not the only friend in the world”

-Ava always holds Bea’s hand or links their arms when walking around town so she “doesn’t get lost”

-The day that Ava had fallen and basically died, Beatrice held her so tightly the entire night and couldn’t sleep, she just had to make sure Ava was breathing the whole time, reminding herself that she was okay, that Ava was alive

-Ava eats off of Beatrice’s plate even if they’re having the same food

-Ava mimics Beatrice’s British accent sometimes / asks her to pronounce long or funny words just to hear how she says them

-Beatrice keeps buying new socks because Ava keeps loosing them / she’s a barefoot around the house kind of girl

-Ava is also a floor girl

-Beatrice is a morning person who likes to do long stretches, Ava is a night owl who likes to sit on their fire escape and look out at the town

-they’ve spent countless nights staying up until the sunrise just talking about anything and everything

-even though Ava can levitate she always asks Beatrice to grab things that are too high for her

[laracrofted]

baby, it's halloween (and we can be anything)

synopsis: since TGM takes place around Halloween, the Daggers would definitely dress up and go to the Hard Deck Halloween party, right?

pairings: none but many a couples costume

warnings: explicit language, bad irish accents, drinking and mentions of alcohol, anachronistic tiktok trends, all fluff all the time, too many pop culture references, not edited

note: inspired by this ask i sent to @theharddeck. all of the excellent costumes were her idea because i couldn't stop thinking about the mr. and mrs. smith costume all day. for you, darling!

(top gun: maverick is a halloween movie, pass it on. and yeah, i did use a phoebe bridgers lyric for this incredibly unserious fic. title from halloween.)

It is Halloween night, and the Hard Deck is all decked out – and yeah, pun intended – with the best decorations the local stores had to offer. And then a few more that young Amelia Benjamin ordered online with the credit card in her wallet that definitely wasn’t for emergencies only. 

Purple lights adorn the wooden pillars, wrapped carefully around the faded stickers and other memorabilia, casting the whole bar in an eerie glow after the sun goes down. Two dozen or so balloons float against the ceiling, black and orange, and any available inch that isn’t blocked by a balloon is expertly covered in more fake cobwebs than Penny has ever seen in her life.

She did, however, have to draw the line upon catching Amelia on top of the bar, trying to stick glow-in-the-dark skeletons into the model planes. 

It looks great. And the whole Top Gun team shows up in full costume – including the ones that Penny knows Pete favors for the mission, even if Maverick would never say it himself.

This, for Amelia Benjamin, is simply an opportunity too good to pass up. 

[Penny Benjamin enters the single bathroom at the end of the Hard Deck’s back hall, the one that Amelia marked with a HAUNTED BATHROOM sign that made patrons think it was out of order. She sets the phone on the counter and clicks over to the camera, starting the video.]

“Okay, well, I don’t really know how this all works, but I’m Sarah Williams from the movie Labyrinth, and I think…” 

She adjusts the too big skirt of her bejeweled ballgown, damn the appeal of authentic poofs and ruffles, and tosses her hair over her shoulder, trying to remember what Amelia told her to do. 

“Ahhhh… What was it? Drunkest?” 

She has an answer, but unfortunately, Pete had a prior commitment to fly in that Halloween Airshow this weekend. Otherwise, Penny knows Maverick would be here, giving the young hotshots a run for their money.

“Who is here tonight?” A light bulb goes off in her head, probably purple to keep things in theme. “Well, from prior experience, I think Peaky Blinders will be the drunkest tonight. He still owes me $20 for knocking those planes off the ceiling back at Top Gun.” 

Gathering up her skirts, Penny gets to thinking, “He still owes me for the two steins last week too. Dammit…” and huffing, exits the bathroom in a whirl of skirts and jewels. 

[After a surprisingly intimidating shakedown from Penny Benjamin, Payback makes his way to the out-of-order bathroom. Not before grabbing his WSO by one of the many, many straps on his costume and pulling him away from the gaggle of fawning women in sexy alien costumes.]

“Hello,” Payback says in the empty bathroom, feeling stupid. He digs his cigar out of a vest pocket and re-lighting the end, takes a thick puff. An atrocious Irish accent comes out the other side. “Right, govunah, name’s Tommy Shelby from Peaky fooking Blinders, and I tink that – oi, are you taking the piss then, mate?

And Fanboy smacks him again just for that, knocking the newsboy hat right off his head with a flat palm. “What’s your problem?” 

“Can’t hear you, mate,” Payback says, smoke curling from the end of the cigar. He flashes him a good-natured grin around it. “Better pop that helmet off, right, Boba Fett?” 

“I’m not…” comes from under the helmet, all garbled. 

Damn battery must’ve died in the voice modulator. 

(He tried to save a few bucks here and there by ordering off Amazon and not from the Etsy store that designed the rest of the suit. Never again. He should’ve known not to cheap out on perfection.)

Damp curls spring from underneath the helmet as Fanboy pulls it from his head, wiping them across his forehead. They stay there, plastered from the heat and condensation inside the helmet. 

“I’m not Boba Fett. I’m the Mandalorian. He’s like… a whole different character, dude.”

He gets a dismissive cigar wave in response. 

“It’s all Star Trek, innit, mate?” 

“Star Wars. And your Tom Shelby accent needs some work. You’re starting to sound a little Australian now.” 

“Can’t sound proper Irish without my cap, and you, sir,” Payback jams a finger into his WSO’s shoulder, then pulls it back when it actually hurts. God, how much did Mickey pay for that suit? “Nicked it from my fooking head, mate. Explain yourself then.” 

“You pulled me away from the girls, man. I was this close.” He shifts his helmet from one hand to the other and pinches two gloved fingers, this far apart. “This close, man. They all wanted pictures with me.” 

“You can get back to the mask kink brigade later. Penny sent me back here, upon threat of death, mind you. Her daughter wants us all to do some TikTok trend for the Halloween party.”

“Fine,” Fanboy huffs, still pouting over the Star Trek comment. He knows Payback knows the difference. “But I’m putting the helmet back on. Need to get my money’s worth, now that I’ve given up my retirement fund to buy this costume.” 

“Whatever you say, Darth Vader.”

“I am not – ” 

Payback knocks the helmet the rest of the way down with a closed fist, ignoring the disoriented Mickey that flails around in the background of the video. He puts on his best movie star smile and blows a perfectly round smoke ring at the camera.

“‘Ello there, love, I’m Tommy Shelby. This good man over here is one of those… what’d ya call them? Stormtrooper lads?” 

“Reuben, I swear – ” 

“And I think,” Payback continues, unperturbed as his WSO makes another grab for the newsboy. “Now I’d bet my life that Mr. and Mrs. Smith are the most binned tonight. I’ve got it on good authority that Mr. Smith’s got a flask in those short shorts of his.” 

Smoke curls up from the cigar, and Mickey spots a blinking dot on the ceiling.

“Hey, Payback, d’you want to maybe put that out? It’s getting a little smokey in here.” 

“Chill out, Mando. It’ll be – ” 

[And some time later, after Federal Fire San Diego cleared the premise and declared it to be a false alarm, probably faulty wiring with all the string lights, Hangman and Coyote make their way back to the bathroom.]

Hangman sniffs the air. “Do you smell that? It stinks back here.” 

“It’s a bathroom, dude.” 

“Not…” Hangman lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Never mind.” 

He finds the phone, still propped up on the counter and brimming with battery life somehow. Adjusts the crisp white button-down in the mirror, pulling it tight over his shoulders. 

It is several sizes too large, hanging loose over his firm torso and leaving a scandalous amount of thigh and calf muscle exposed, between the hem and the top of the ruby-red rain boots. 

(And yeah, Phoenix, Jake is wearing briefs underneath the shirt. It’s not a free show after all.)

“Well now, I’m certified MILF Angelina Jolie from the iconic 2005 classic Mr. and Mrs. Smith, only gets better with age. I’ll let you guess whether I mean her or the movie.” A dashing wink at the camera. “And Coyote here is…” 

Coyote is adjusting the white boxer shorts that keep riding up his muscular thighs – skies out, thighs out and all that – and wonders if Brad Pitt ever had to deal with having such incredible thigh strength on set. Probably not. 

His shirt is white and skin-tight, almost see-through, over his chest. “Certified bad-ass Brad Pitt from Mr. and MILF… wait…” He loses his balance a little bit from thinking too hard. “That’s not right. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Nailed it!” 

He flashes an overly proud grin, and Jake wonders if perhaps, Jake might need to cut off his access to the flask tucked into his left galosh. He wanted to have a fake gun stashed in the other one, but Penny spotted him waving it around near the dartboard and confiscated it. 

“Right…” Jake deadpans, then turns back to the camera. He loosens the top button of his shirt, popping it open to reveal more of his chest. Metal winks from the gap, the chain of his dog tags. “And I think…. You know what? I think Magnum PI will be the drunkest tonight.”

Coyote looks skyward, shaking his head.

Drunken agitation leaks into his voice. “You know why I think that?” 

“Not again,” Coyote groans.

He reaches for the flask, and Mrs. Smith swats his hand away, pointing a stern finger at him, then at the phone.

“Because Magnum PI is slow. He’s not cut out for a real Halloween party. He’s slow in the air, slow on the ground, and slow to handle his alcohol. He’ll be passed out by midnight. I’d put money down.”  

And as the Haunted Bathroom door swings shut behind them, the iPhone mic barely picks up on the low mutterings. 

..slow...

…nepotism pick...

…fuck with a stupid-looking mustache…

…can’t have the flask, go buy a beer, Coyote!

[Midnight arrives, and Yzma and Kronk from The Emperor’s New Groove enter the bathroom. Holding the miniature trophies that Penny awarded them for a well-deserved first place in the annual Hard Deck Halloween Costume Contest.]

Fixing the neckline of the purple dress (and after definitely flashing a nipple on stage out there), Bob wipes at his drooping eyeliner and puts in another splash of eye drops. Contacts make his eyes so dry.

Phoenix holds the trophy over her head like a gladiator, grinning from ear to ear, flexing her muscles in the cut-off sleeves. “Hello friends and foes, winners and losers, I’m Kronk from Emperor’s New Groove…” 

It takes Bob a few seconds to notice Phoenix staring him down.

He straightens up, clearing his throat. “And I’m Yzma, also from Emperor’s New Groove.” 

“We think,” Phoenix leans closer, like Amelia’s iPhone is an old friend, and holds onto the edge of the counter with dignity. She probably could’ve left that last victory shot on the table. “that Mrs. Smith will be the drunkest tonight. He’s got a flask in his boot.” 

“It’s Coyote’s. I saw him with it earlier.” 

A frown wrinkles her brow. “Well, I still vote Mrs. Smith because Bagman’s a douche, and I want him to have a violent hangover tomorrow. I want him to spend his whole day downing Gatorades and fruitlessly wishing for his suffering to end. How’s that?” 

Sweat pricks at Bob’s brow. He likes Phoenix. He really does.

(But sometimes, Phoenix scares him a little.) 

His swallow is audible. “Yeah. Sure, yeah.” 

And Bob keeps to himself that Rooster has been MIA for over an hour now, after cashing in on three bell rings in a row and following a girl in a Sue Storm costume out to the parking lot. 

[And now alone, in the backseat of the Bronco, Magnum PI absentmindedly wipes at the lipstick print on his cheek and lets out a loud snore. Humming a tune in his sleep that sounds suspiciously like Great Balls of Fire.]

end note: then, amelia benjamin uploads this to her secret daggersafterdark tiktok account and goes viral. the end.

(making my fic debut with this one, so i would love to hear all your thoughts, and i gave danny's look both ways hair to fanboy just this once because i can.)

[frostbeees]

like she wants to try me on

2023 wrappedmas day two • song: silk chiffon by MUNA, Phoebe Bridgers

ao3 · masterpost

Seamus always assumed she’d have to get over Gavin. Over her not-so-little crush on her best friend. She figured Gavin would eventually find some other girl or guy to bring home and she’d be left behind, still holding her feelings inside because no way in hell was she ever going to admit them to Gavin. She’d rather die, honestly. Gavin had never shown anything but friendly feelings towards her, even if they were both on the touchy, handsy, cuddle up together, hug longer than necessary, and occasionally swap drunken kisses type of friends. That's just how friends are, in her opinion, even if Gavin is the only friend she's like that with.

What Seamus didn’t assume is that one sweltering summer evening she’d be UNDER Gavin, hands buried in the soft, tight curls on top of Gavin’s head while Gavin’s mouth was–

But how they got to this point is a different story. 

~~~

They had been out basically just killing time in town all day, rollerblading up and down familiar palm-tree-lined streets and repeatedly having near accidents with tourists who couldn’t keep their eyes forward. The day was hot and humid, a typical mid-July Florida weekday and they had just ducked inside a corner store to avoid the daily rain shower, flipflops making obnoxious sounds against the shiny tile as they roamed the aisles with their skates under their arms.

Seamus was happy to just follow Gavin around for the day. It wasn’t like they had anything better to do. But Gavin turned on her halfway down the aisle of dog toys and treats, beach equipment, marked-down Fourth of July garb, and baby formula.

“Hey,” Gavin flashed her sharkiest smile and Seamus just knew she meant trouble with it. “How much do you trust me?”

And that’s the question, isn’t it? Seamus trusts Gavin with her whole heart, to hold it, to break it, to set it free. She trusts her enough to follow her from their youth field hockey league to a travel league to the high school team to Ann Arbor where they’ve both committed to play in the fall. She’s trusted Gavin since they were four years old and she knew what it meant. 

“With my life,” Seamus shoots back, matching Gavin’s energy. 

Gavin holds out her hand and Seamus takes it without a thought, letting Gavin tug her down the aisle and back out the door into the rain. They make quick work of switching back from their sandals to their blades and then they’re off, Gavin’s fingers intertwined with her own as she pulls Seamus with her. 

Seamus has an inkling of an idea of where Gavin is leading them. There was this baseball park that they used to frequent as kids that now sits unused and basically abandoned. It’s where a lot of their friends would go after dark to smoke and drink and just exist away from the eyes of watchful parents. It’s where Seamus first realized that maybe she liked Gavin as more than a friend, when, at fourteen, she watched Gavin kiss one of their girl friends during a game of spin the bottle and felt intense jealousy bubble up inside her.

Sure enough, Gavin turns down the street just past the diner that leads back to the park. They’re drenched at this point, despite the rain being light, and when they reach the dirt paths that connect the road to the ballparks and outbuildings they both abandon their blades and trudge barefoot through the soaked grass. Gavin leads them towards one of the dugouts so they’re mostly sheltered from the rain and they sit in silence for a few minutes as they catch their breath. 

Seamus can’t help but start thinking about how this is probably the last time they’ll get to do this. It won’t be long until they’re packing up Gavin’s beater car that she insists they drive all the way up to Michigan. And then after that, everything’s going to change. They’re going to share a dorm but they’re only in a few overlapping classes. And, yeah, they’ll have field hockey but Seamus just knows that Gavin’s going to go all in on getting involved in campus life and that’s just not Seamus’ scene unless she’s being dragged along by Gavin but who wants to be weighed down with their childhood best friend when they could be out making new friends and finding new people to make out with at crowded parties. And there won’t even be endless miles of sandy beaches to escape to when she’s feeling ungrounded. 

She’s dreading leaving this bubble they have here, despite how excited she is. 

“Tell me again, Gavo, how close is Ann Arbor to Detroit?” Seamus asks even though they’ve talked about this a million times. “How far are we gonna have to drive to get to water?”

Gavin grabs her hand, smushes her fingers together to keep it mitten-shaped, and presses her finger into the fleshy spot just left of her thumb.

“This is Ann Arbor,” Gavin slides her finger over to the edge of the base of Seamus’ thumb, “and this is Detroit.”

Seamus nods. 

“But there are lakes everywhere. Big ones. You won’t even miss the ocean one bit. The Hugheses already said we’re invited to their lakehouse any time so all you gotta do is say the word and we’ll go.”

It’s a conversation they’ve had a hundred times at this point, that started from the day Gavin first brought up the idea of leaving home to play field hockey. And it’s a ploy, to keep Gavin talking about home and their life together. 

Seamus expects Gavin to drop her hand after that but instead, she links their fingers together again, resting their hands on Seamus’ thigh. They sit like that, quiet, just listening to the raindrops hit the wood roof until Gavin breaks the silence. 

“Hey Shea,” she whispers.

Seamus grunts an acknowledgment. 

“Remember all the times we used to come here after school? The parties?”

“Of course, Gavo.”

“How come you never tried to get me in spin the bottle?”

Seamus ignores her own shock at the question to look at Gavin. Gavin’s not looking back at her. She’s looking down at the ground under her dangling feet and Seamus wants to scream because she never sees Gavin look so vulnerable, so shy, so– worried that Seamus is the one who’s about to do the heart breaking. 

“That’s not how the game works?” Seamus poses it as a question.

“Oh fuck off,” Gavin says gently, with a huff of a laugh. “You know that Riley and Sammi both knew how to get the bottle to land on whoever they wanted. It was easy.”

“I didn’t want you to tell me no,” she admits honestly. 

“That’s not how the game works,” Gavin parrots back the answer and grins up at Seamus, finally looking up from the ground beneath them. “Plus, I’d never tell you no.”

Seamus can’t think of anything to respond with but thankfully it doesn’t matter. Gavin’s closing the distance between them, pulling Seamus closer by her shoulder with her free hand. She waits a moment like she’s trying to give Seamus the chance to say no but Seamus nods her head and then Gavin is crashing their mouths together. It’s a rough kiss, more teeth than soft lips but Seamus doesn’t want it to end. 

Unfortunately, it does, as Gavin pulls back, a small string of spit connecting their lips and then breaking between them. 

“Wanted to get that out of the way before I cracked in our dorm room and pinned you against a closet.”

“Gavin!” Seamus whacks her on the chest, harder than she means to. 

“Want to do more, too.” And the shark smile is back as Gavin leans back towards Seamus’ body, pushing her down against the cracked wood of the bench, pinning her in place. “Wanna do everything with you.”

[miminchimchim]

waiting room | jjk

song : waiting room - phoebe bridgers

12 years. i’ve loved jeon jungkook for 12 years. and this isn’t some unrequited cliche love story, not at all. i love him and i know he loves me. but he can’t give it up, the lifestyle. the money, the recognition, the partying… the random girls all the time. he tells me it’s for the better. he loves me. he couldn’t hurt me that way.

“why can’t you just be with me then? am i not enough? fucking tell me jungkook because i don’t fucking understand!” i yell at him with tears streaming down my face. it’s nearly impossible to keep my composure.

“you’re more than enough! that’s the problem! it’s me! i could never be enough for you! do you want me to hurt you? do you want to wait up until 3am every night wondering where i am? because fuck y/n i don’t want to do that to you.” he shouted as the veins in his neck popped out.

“then don’t.” i said, barely a whisper.

“you don’t get it. i can’t stop. this is the life i want. i don’t want to settle down. and i can’t make empty promises to you. id hate myself more than i already do. please, just let me go.” he said apathetically as he put his coat on.

“i don’t want to let you go. please don’t. don’t leave.” i cried to him.

he never looked back. he paused for a second, finished putting his coat on, and walked out my door.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙ ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙

it’s been 3 years since that day. it used to hurt walking along the river. but now i can sit here and drink beer and reminisce on the memories of me and jungkook here with happiness. for once, there’s no sadness.

“y/n?” a voice said from behind me. i immediately recognized it. i’m surprised i didn’t freeze, instead i turned around with a smile and said, “wow jungkook. look at you, lots of new piercings i see.”

“ha. yeah i guess you’re right. are you here alone? would you like some company?” he asked a little nervously.

“actually i was just leaving, i’m sorry. but it was nice to see you!” i said grabbing my things.

“ah. maybe another time then? i’d love to catch up.” he said with his hands in his pockets.

“i don’t think that’s such a good idea. goodbye jungkook, have a great night.” i smiled and walked away.

i have a daughter now, and a husband. it hurt when jungkook walked out on me but i know it was for the better.

[sequinsmile-x]

I Know the End - Not Afraid to Disappear

She wishes they’d met earlier, that they’d had more time. Meeting him here, at the end, was cruel even by the universes standards.

A Hotchniss on the run AU, told in 3 parts

Series Master List

-x-

This is my 100th work on Ao3. Which is...ridiculous and amazing and just about everything. Thank you for your support, your love for my fics and even the (well deserved) screaming.

I hope you enjoy this story, and here's to the next 100!

The name of the fic, and the chapter titles, are from the song I Know the End by Phoebe Bridgers. If you want to get the tone of this fic, I'd recommend listening to it.

-x-

Words: 2.9k

Warnings: Major character death, canon typical violence, references to trauma/PTSD, criminal activity

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

She’s seen his face before. 

It’s all she can think as she knocks back another scotch in a dive bar in a small town in Texas. 

He looked like a Fed, despite clearly trying his best to look anything but. The jeans and leather jacket and what looked like a polo shirt underneath were doing nothing to take away the serious way in which he held himself. A stiffness to his posture that she instinctually found herself wanting to mess with, to make him squirm. 

Emily can’t help but wonder if she’d been as obvious when she was pretending to be someone else. In many ways, she still was. 

She knows he isn’t one of the people after her, she knew them well, their faces burned into her memory, the people who she once called her team. Her friends. She’d worked through the feelings of betrayal years ago. Allowed herself to feel it, crying in a cheap motel once she’d made her initial escape, the moment when she knew things would never be the same again. She’d learnt since then. Spent the last few years forging a routine, a way of life that she knew like the back of her hand. She knew when to make her exit, to find somewhere new. 

But she still can’t shake the fact she knows his face, and given the not so subtle looks he throws her way, he’s thinking the same about her. She knocks back the rest of her drink and stands, throwing money down onto the bar before she makes a quick exit.

She isn’t sure if she wants him to follow her or not. 

___

He knows her, remembers her name even after all these years. 

She’s older now. No longer the 20 year old he used to see in her mother’s house, an air of chaos around her no matter where she went, wilfulness following her like a sweet perfume. He’d let her back into the house once. He’d been on night duty, and she’d forgotten her keys. He’d got her to her room, drunk and underage to help her avoid accidentally waking up her mother. 

Aaron remembered placing a glass of water on her nightstand and helping her take her shoes off. High heels she’d clearly replaced since with more sensible combat boots. The following day she’d looked at him like they’d never met, and he wondered if she remembered it at all. 

He’d heard she’d died. Rumours throughout the bureau when he was still there that the ambassador's daughter had worked for the CIA or Interpol, depending on who you got your gossip from, and that she had gone rogue. Killed her target before she herself was caught. 

It was definitely her. He might have been married when he’d worked for her mother, but he wasn’t an idiot. She was beautiful, captivating. The kind of person you never forgot. 

Here, in small town Texas, he’d come across Emily Prentiss. 

She looks up at him, and their eyes meet. She frowns ever so slightly, averting her eyes back to her drink as she downs it, slamming the glass down with a little more force than necessary. She throws another look at him before she smiles at the bartender, putting money down at the bar before she makes a hasty exit. 

Aaron would never be able to explain why he followed her, what possessed him to hurriedly throw money down himself before he walked outside too, something about her pulling him towards her. Maybe it was intrigue, the comfort of a familiar face after so long. Or maybe, it was just that he was lonely, the life he had been living since Foyet had torn his old one apart too empty for him to take.

The street is empty when he walks out onto it and he sighs, briefly wondering if he had seen her at all. As he turns to walk back into the bar, he’s met with the barrel of a gun, a pair of dark eyes looking at him over the top of it.

“Why are you following me?” Emily asks, her eyes hard, boring into his as if she could read his mind to find her answer. “Who sent you?” 

“No one sent me,” he replies calmly, his hands up as she doesn’t lower her gun, her grip tightening on it. “I recognised you,” he swallows thickly, speaking as quietly as he can so she can still hear him, “You’re Emily Prentiss.” 

She frowns at him as he says her name, her eyes widening as she looks around to ensure they were alone, pushing her gun so the muzzle is pressing into his stomach, her finger on the trigger. 

“What do you mean you recognise me?” She asks, her face remains stoic, unaffected, but he can see the panic she’s trying to hide from him in her eyes. He looks around them, repeating her action to make sure that they are still alone before he turns back to answer her. 

“I used to work for your mother,” he replies, and he sees the shock flash across her features, her grip on the gun in her hand loosening for the first time, “you were in college, about to start your Master’s I think. Brown?” He continues to look at her, her face still emotionless, “I actually helped you sneak back into the house one time.”

He leaves out that she’d drunkenly come on to him, that she’d kissed him. The brief touch of her lips to his the closest he had ever come to cheating on Haley. 

“Yale,” she corrects him, finally pulling her gun back from him, clicking the safety on as she puts it in a holster, “it was Yale,” she takes a step back from him and looks him up and down. “You FBI?” 

“I used to be,” he replies, half smiling at her when she frowns, her eyebrows creasing, “It’s a long story.” 

He can almost see her entire thought process, the wheels turning in her head as she continues to study him. How she clearly contemplates just leaving him here, their interaction just a blip on her radar like it had been a lifetime ago. He watches as she bites her lower lip and sighs, frustration that seemed to be aimed at herself seeping off of her. 

“Well,” she says, clearing her throat, “you’d better come with me, we’ll find somewhere better for you to tell me.” 

She’s already turning around, her back to him before his brain kicks into gear. 

“Wait-”

“You look like a Fed, Aaron.” She cuts over him, turning to look at him again with a smirk on her face, “you should probably stick with someone who knows what they are doing, or whoever is chasing you will find you soon.” 

He wonders how she knows, what about him gave away that he was also running from something. If she could smell it on him, if he really was that obvious. But something else overrides it all, the question tripping out of his mouth before he can stop himself

“You…remember my name?” He asks, cursing himself internally immediately, the wry smile on her face making him feel something close to embarrassment. 

She steps towards him, the faint smell of her perfume and something that was clearly just her overwhelming his senses as she whispers to him. 

“I remember everything.”

___

She remembered kissing him.

As soon as he’d started talking to her in the alley behind the bar, his voice brought it all back. Memories she had boxed away when she became someone else all flooding to the forefront. 

She’d been enamoured with him from the moment he’d arrived at her mother’s house. The same feeling she’d had in the bar, the need to mess with him, to make him squirm, one of the few things that had entertained her that summer. Emily remembers the night he mentioned, how he’d let her into the house and treated her with such kindness she could still feel the warmth of it now, decades later. The lingering heat from an extinguished flame. That, combined with her general attraction to him and the amount of tequila in her system had made her kiss him. He’d pulled back immediately, something that she understood the following morning, his wedding ring one of the first things she’d noticed about him. 

She’d pretended nothing had happened, that their interactions were nothing more than those she had with the other people who worked for her mother. It was easier. 

Pretending, Emily had learnt, was one of the things she was best at. 

He was clearly running from something. His demeanour was that of someone who was uncomfortable, not used to his surroundings. All of his years working for the FBI still lingering around him, making him stand out in a way she knew would draw attention to him if something didn’t change. 

If asked, she wouldn’t be sure why she’d taken pity on him. It could be classed as loneliness. Intrigue because he wasn’t wearing a ring anymore, a part of her wondering if that was linked to why he had quit the FBI, why he was in a similar situation to her. 

Mostly, she knew it was because he knew her name. It had been so long since someone had known her name. 

She lets him into the motel she’s been staying in, locking the door behind him as he walks in. When she turns he’s looking around, seemingly taking interest in her belongings, her bag always mostly packed in case she needed to make a hasty exit. 

“Drink?” She asks, unable to stop herself from smiling when he jumps slightly, turning to face her as he nods. 

She takes two of the motel issued glasses and heads over to her bag, pulling out a bottle of scotch. She pours them a generous measure each, passing him his drink as she sits next to him on the bed. She turns so she’s looking at him, her eyes briefly lingering on the sharp edge of his jaw, the way this throat moves when he swallows some scotch. 

“You want me to start from the beginning?” He asks, his question snapping her out of her slight stupor. She nods at him, taking a sip of her drink, the burn in her throat distracting her from the one in her cheeks caused by being caught staring at him. 

“It’s as good a place as any.” 

He sighs, his lips set in a firm line as he looks straight ahead again, eyes fixed on the wall in front of him, as if he couldn’t bring himself to tell her if he was looking at her. 

“You ever heard of the Boston Reaper?” He asks, briefly looking at her so she can nod in response, before looking away again, taking a sip of his scotch, “I was part of the Behavioural Analysis Unit at the bureau, we profiled criminal behaviour, travelling the country to help catch killers. He was the first case I worked when we didn’t get the guy, the lead detective sent us home.” He chuckles dryly. “I’d almost forgotten about it, something that I’d think about when I couldn’t sleep, but I moved on. Then I got a call from the lead detective years later, saying he needed my help.” 

She watches as he talks, the way he shakes his head at himself, clearly placing the blame for whatever had happened on his shoulders. 

“Turns out he’d made a deal with the Reaper, a deal that was about to expire because he was dying. We caught him. He’d posted as a victim himself. George Foyet.” He spits out the name, his hand tightening slightly on his glass. “He escaped.” 

He falls into silence, and she clears her throat. “Did you find him again?” 

“More like he found me,” Aaron answers, briefly looking at her before he looks back at the wall, “he broke into my apartment, stabbed me 9 times, and then dropped me off at the hospital,” he shakes his head, “my team took forever to find me, too long. They thought I’d taken the morning off, they only realised something was wrong when they got a call that one of my agents was in the hospital. Foyet had his badge, he left it with me.” He pauses, knocking back the rest of his scotch, swallowing thickly, “by the time we realised what his plan was it was too late.” 

She feels a sense of foreboding wash over her, his sadness and guilt travelling through the air in the small gap between them. Her throat feels tight, her eyes fixed on his empty ring finger. 

“Aaron, you don’t have to-”

“By the time the SWAT team arrived at my old house, he was already gone. My son and ex-wife were dead.” He says through his teeth, clenching his jaw to keep himself together. She sighs sadly, closing her eyes. “My son was three. And he…” he drifts off, eyes screwed shut as he tries to rid himself of the images she knew he’d never be free of, “eventually I found Foyet, and I killed him. It wasn’t self-defence, I wasn’t even working at the time. I just killed him.” He laughs dryly, shaking his head. “I knew they’d be after me, that legally what I’d done wasn’t justified, so I left.” 

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” she says, not sure what else there was to say. He’d have heard all the platitudes she’s sure. From family, from the team who had once worked for him. “How long ago?” 

“About a year since I killed him. Haley and Jack have been gone 18 months.” He looks at her, his eyes cold, a humourless smile on his face, “So what do you think, Emily? Is my story sad enough for me to tag along with you?”

She feels embarrassment, and something close to shame colouring her face as he asks her, her gut twisting at the implication that she knew wasn’t entirely false. 

“That’s not what…” she starts in an attempt to defend herself that he shuts down with a single look, “Yes. But we should move on tomorrow, I’ve already been here too long and all the locals in that bar were staring at you like you were an undercover cop.”

He smiles for real this time, and she ignores the pull in her belly. 

“What about you?” He asks, his eyes meeting hers. 

“What about me?” 

“I heard rumours, stories about what happened-”

“Another time,” she interrupts him, her hand touching his arm, the first physical contact they’d had. He nods, understanding whether he liked it or not he wouldn’t be able to force her to tell him. 

“Answer something else instead?” He asks, and she nods. “Why did you bring me here?” 

She can’t tell him the whole truth, she knows that. Can’t let him know that it was something as small, as sentimental as the fact he knew her from before. The old Emily that she was certain was long gone.

“It’s less conspicuous if we travel in a pair, people won’t pay as much attention to a couple than they will a single traveller.”

He seems to accept the answer, standing up from the bed. “I should get back to mine, I’ll meet you here in the morning.” 

“Stay,” she says, far too quickly, clearing her throat before she carries on, “you may as well. Then we can leave early, swing by where you’ve been staying to get your things.” 

His eyes flash to the bed, “There’s only one bed.” 

She rolls her eyes at him. “I’m not the 20 year old girl who tried to kiss you anymore, Aaron,” she says, smirking as he blanches, clearly sure she didn’t remember that part, “I’m a grown woman. I think we can manage sleeping in the same bed.” She grabs her pyjamas from her bag, heading into the tiny adjoining bathroom of her motel room. “Besides, we’d better get used to it, if we’re going to do this sticking to one room is safer.” 

She gets a vague response from him as she enters the bathroom, pulling the door closed firmly behind her. She blows out a breath and looks at her reflection in the mirror. She scrubs her hand down her face, and tries to gather herself, unsure if this truly was a good idea or not, but aware there was no turning back now, even if she wanted to. 

When she’s ready for bed she walks out of the bathroom, giving him a chance to do whatever he needed to. He walks back out in his boxers, his clothes in hand as he dumps them over the chair in the corner. 

“Well, that answers a question I’ve had for over a decade,” she jokes, dissipating some of the tension in the room as he climbs into bed with her, putting as much distance between them as physically possible, “always wondered if you were a boxers or briefs kind of guy.” 

He glares at her, something she can’t read in his eyes as he settles on his side, turning off the dim lamp on the nightstand next to him.

“Goodnight, Emily.”

“Night, Aaron.” 

Neither one of them mentions it when they wake tangled together in the morning, curled around each other like pieces of the same puzzle. 

-x-

Tag list:

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[lauriegraham01]

sarah georgia lee rogers

summary: steve says goodbye to his mother, with his friends by his side.

pairings: steve/reader, steve/bucky, bucky/reader (can be seen as either romantic or platonic, tw for themes of abuse and death)

wc: 848

a/n: as one of my oldest writing ideas, the inspiration comes from "georgia lee" by tom waits and later phoebe bridgers cover of the song. i think of her everytime i hear this song and what it meant to steve to lose her and be on his own.

We all knew it was a matter of time. The tissues became bloodier as coughs continued to rack through her body, the endless teas had lost their effect, and she hadn't enough strength to get up from bed alone. We all knew that our days left with Ms. Rogers were numbered but none of us were prepared for the aftermath of her passing.

After catching a case of tuberculosis that she couldn’t seem to shake off, you and Bucky were the first to accept that this was something she couldn't come back from. Steve, ever the optimist, still had hope that there was a coming back from this-that she would come back from this. Steve was eight years old when his old man had died from a stroke. The funeral was small and the three of us were still much too young to understand the gravity of grief- Steve managed to bounce back from his father passing, managed to heal from his fathers abuse but he did that with the love from his mother.

Sarah Rogers also had become a mother and a safe haven for you and Bucky through the years. Many times she had given us a plate of food that was already scarce and opened her home to us without a second thought. Within the last two weeks as her condition worsened, the three of you took turns caring for her and doing your best to make her as comfortable as possible.

“There are worse ways to go,” Sarah murmurs quietly. It was late at night and the glow from the candles burning in the room had been the only source of light illuminating her pale face. She wheezes a shaky breath before abruptly breaking into a coughing fit. Standing up hurriedly from the rocking chair next to her bed, you help sit her up before reaching for the glass of water that Steve was passing to me from the nightstand. As I slowly bring the water to her lips to help her drink, I look at Bucky and with a simple nod he knows what it is I ask of him. He nods in agreements before walking into the bathroom before shortly reappearing with a damp towel in hand. He then sits on the opposite side of Ms. Rogers bed as he slowly places the cool cloth onto her forehead in hopes of helping her fever. She places a hand on the bottom of the cup and you take this as signal that she's done drinking. Passing the drink back to Steve he places it back on the nightstand before coming to sit at the foot of her bed.

“I think dying surrounded by those I love isn’t such a bad way to go.”

"Mom-"

"Steven please,"

Steve folds his mouth defeatedly into a thin line before ducking his head down, sighing in an air of defeat.

"You three have brought me so much joy, I'm lucky to have had such amazing children to take care of me- and I'm lucky to have you two to watch over Steve."

"Of course Ms. Rogers, there isn't any way where Steve could escape us." Bucky quips hoping to sound more lighthearted despite fear growing within him.

“I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve done for me. If it weren’t for you, I don't think I would've gotten by all these years." You admit with candor.

“Oh, stop it. You three are much more capable then you give yourselves credit for, there isn't a doubt in my mind that you will continue to be strong and continue to fight in this world." She gives you a tight lipped smile as she reaches for your hand and squeezes tightly, with what little strength she has remaining. You feel your chest begin to tighten and you try your best to keep your emotions at bay as you want to be strong for her, for Steve.

Sarah Georgia Lee Rogers died three days later on a spring morning. As you walked through her bedroom door with a tray of food in your hands, you see a bloodshot eyed Steve staring at her grey body.

“She got to see the sunrise one last time, y/n.” 

Placing the tray on the bedside table, you walked over with slow careful footsteps before kneeling beside where Steve sat on the floor beside her bed. As you reached for her hand, tears began to pool in your eyes at the reaction of feeling her cold lifeless hand within yours.

"Bucky!" Your voice comes out strained.

His footsteps are rushed and heavy as he barges through the door in a panic only to be left breathless from the scene displayed in front of him. You feel a hand on your shoulder and when you look back you see tears streaming down his face and he brings himself to his knees in the middle of you and Steve. As he engulfs both of you within his arms, sobs and sniffles can be heard from the three of you as you mourn the death of a woman who many knew as Sarah Georgia Lee Rogers.

[infcinity]

                          𝔪𝔞𝔰𝔮𝔲𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔡𝔢 𝔭𝔞𝔭𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔞𝔠𝔢𝔰 𝔬𝔫 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔡𝔢

this is me being extra with my plotting call lmao !!! but,, hit that heart for me to slide into ur dms and get the ball rolling with some plotting!! 

Hello friends! This is my plotting call for the event, I have unfortunately had to prepare this all early because I’ll be in disneyland when the event starts! But with that being said, below you will find all of my characters and you’ll find what they’ll be up to during the event, if they’re open up to having a date, if they’re open to being hurt or even killed to regain/lose memories and if you click on their name, you’ll be led to their individual board for their outfits for the event!

my characters who are open to either getting hurt or killed will have a lil skull emoji beside them and I have a separate thing with stuff that I maybe want to happen! 

annie james 💀 - pinterest board!

annie loves a good event like this!! it means that she gets to show of whatever she’s made for the event! will def be getting drunk and spending the night dancing and exploring. 

annie is open to dates, can be platonic or romantic, she’s open for pretty much anything! 

ben solo - pinterest board!

this isn’t exactly ben’s thing?? but he’s going with ari and since they’re free from the twins for the night, he’s going to at least attempt to enjoy himself and maybe have a few drinks. parents night out, lmao. 

ben is not open to dates, he’s going with his fiance and they’re both kid free for the night so he’s going to enjoy himself. 

chrissy cunningham - pinterest board!

chrissy never got to go to prom, so this is basically kinda like a prom for her lmao, she’s out here to have a good time and not to think about anything that’s happened to her before. so she’ll probably be on the dance floor or wandering around the gardens. 

chrissy is open to dates, either a date date or something platonic!

ewan mckinnon 💀 - pinterest board!

ewan will be unfortunately drinking and dancing to forget everything that is going on, will be exploring where he can and will be dancing with his wife even if she protests lmao. 

ewan is not open to dates, he’s hoping that his lovely wife will be his date for the night! 

ezra bridger - pinterest board!

this is v much not ezra’s kind of thing, but they will def be exploring around the white house and most likely getting into trouble, which is something they do best. will def be eating candy and lots of it. 

ezra is open to dates, they are open to anything platonic or romantic, so p much everything lmao. 

helena ravenclaw - pinterest board!

she’s super excited abt all of this!! and she can’t wait to dress up and spend the night dancing and exploring around the white house.

helena is open to dates, either platonic or romantic! just open to vibez!

jeyne poole - pinterest board!  

jeyne is so excited for this! she loves halloween and the whole dressing up thing is even more exciting! she’s going to be dancing and exploring all night and will be spending the time with her gf. 

jeyne is not open to dates, jeyne is going to the ball with her gf and they’re both being elves which was not planned by kasey and i lmao.

jiang cheng - pinterest board!

mans is not excited lmao, but he’s going for the free alcohol, may even be convinced to dance if he drinks enough? but will probs spend the night sulking in the corner lmao. 

jiang cheng is open for dates, anyone is welcome to attempt to convince him, he’s a grumpy bastard - maybe get him drunk that might make him more tolerable lmao. 

jyn erso - pinterest board!

jyn is not too sure what this is?? but she’s going to go just to check everything out?? will most likely stick to the edge of the room and has already mapped all of the exits for her to use lmao. 

jyn is maybe open for dates, she’s still ??? abt everything. 

kirei monsula 💀 - pinterest board!

this kid is literally buzzing with excitement, has already ate too much candy and will def be hyper the whole night. she’s going to dance and everything else and will def be sneaking some drinks to get a lil drunk. 

kirei is open to dates, either platonic or romantic! just open to vibez!

lan sizhui - pinterest board!

he’s never been to anything like this before?? so he’s lowkey excited to spend some time with his fam and friends and explore around the white house! 

lan sizhui is open to dates, either platonic or romantic! just open to vibez!

ling wen 💀 - pinterest board!

she is mostly there to show face bc she’s a senator?? but is also there to enjoy herself as well. will be found mingling with everyone in the crowds and will probably dance a few times too. 

ling wen is open to dates, either platonic or romantic! just open to vibez!

mai - pinterest board!

surprisingly, mai is actually excited abt this?? bc she lowkey enjoys halloween, but won’t admit that out loud. she’s even decided to dress up as well. will most likely be found wandering around and exploring? maybe even dancing. 

mai is open to dates, either platonic or romantic, she can be kinna grumpy, but once you’re passed the hard exterior she knows how to have fun and will even smile. 

martha hatter 💀 - pinterest board!

martha is dressing up as belle, which is her fav disney princess lmao, but other than that she’ll probably be exploring and dancing the night away. 

martha is open to dates, either platonic or romantic, she’s open to vibez. 

natasha romanoff 💀 - pinterest board!

she’s not working for a change, so will be enjoying herself while still keeping an eye on things, it’s something that she can’t help lmao. someone get her drunk and dance with her to make her relax a bit. 

natasha is open to dates, either platonic or romantic! up for anything! 

owen lars - pinterest board!

does owen have any idea what this is? nope, but is he still going, yep. will most likely spend the night exploring and dancing with beru and trying to figure out what the purpose of this is lmao. 

owen is not open to dates, he’s going with beru.

parker halliwell - pinterest board!

parker is so excited???? she loves halloween bc its her fave holiday, bc duhhh witch oop! will be spending the night getting as drunk as she possibly can and dancing the night away like the lil fairy she’s dressed as. 

parker is open to dates, can be anything from platonic to romantic, she just likes to go with the flow tbh and is not opposed to leaving with a date, wink wink. 

rhiannon fawley 💀 - pinterest board!

is not thrilled in the slightest to be here?? but she’s just going to see if she can gather any information that might be useful to the dark lord for his plans, so she’ll most likely be snooping or something like that. 

rhiannon is open to dates, can be platonic or romantic, she isn’t exactly the best company lmao, she’s grumpy, but if she’s around someone she genuinely likes she’s fine. 

robb stark - pinterest board!

robb is not much a fan of these formal events?? bc in his experience something always happens, ex the red wedding lmao. but he’s going to attempt to have as much fun as he can. 

robb is not open to dates, he’s going with his wife bc mans is whipped xoxo.

sarra palpatine 💀 - pinterest board!

sarra used to go to parties all of the time back home, but she was never really allowed to let her hair down and have fun, so she’ll be doing just that for the night, will def be dragging her kids to dance with her nd if they complain, she’s pulling the mother card xoxo, may drink a little too much champagne.

sarra is open to dates, can be platonic or romantic, someone pls give this woman a good partner pls nd thank u she deserves it. she’s a milf, that’s all i have to say. 

sirius black 💀 - pinterest board!

sirius is not a formal person, lmao, as u can see from his outfit and he used to be big on halloween, but not since what happened, sooo he’ll most likely be spending the night getting drunk or spending it with his friends. 

sirius is ?? to dates, who knows what this mess of a man will be doing??? he’s more preoccupied with making james remember him tbh. 

sola naberrie - pinterest board!

sola doesn’t quite understand the concept of this event ??? but the girls are excited to dress up as princesses, so she’s mostly going for them and to see more of her sister and to see more of this new place. she’ll mostly spend the night running around after the girls making sure they don’t consume too much candy. 

sola is open for dates, but it will be only platonic dates bc my gal here is asexual, so just platonic things for the moment! 

sophie sheridan - pinterest board!

sophie loves halloween, so this is right up her street! she found a cute costume for her son, and just ran with the vibez of being princess leia with her lil ewok lmao. she’ll probably have a few glasses of champagne and mingle in with the crowds. 

sophie is only open to platonic dates, since her husband isn’t here, she’ll need someone to go with or even people to meet there. 

winter celchu - pinterest board!

winter is p much just there to have fun and ignore her sister and maybe get a lil drunk ?? so you’ll most likely be dancing the night away and drinking one too many glasses of champagne. 

winter is open to dates, can be romantic or platonic ?? and can lead to more or anything like that!

xue yang 💀 - pinterest board!

my little asshole will be out here causing as much trouble as he possibly can, sorry jgy, he’s not sorry, but i am hehe. he will be eating as much candy as he possibly can lmao, will def take it from children. 

xue yang is open to dates, so if anyone wants to be his date feel free, it can be romantic or platonic, but be warned he is the worst. 

[margotmoore]

about margot : 002

              playlist ft. @wilder-kelly, @mattsullivan, @silascody,  @tailshazelwood, @nesrinadem

1. margaux  by matilda mann 2. pretty girl by clario 3. nobody by mitski 4. hold no grudge by lorde 5. for my friends by king princess 6. lonely by noah cyrus 7. tv by billie eilish 8. liability by lorde 9. happiness is a butterfly by lana del ray 10. graceland too by phoebe bridgers

“she can't decide and never cries, i think that's just her style. margaux stay a little while. countless hours spent outside to waste her time away. an overbearing, endless staring into, out of space. margaux left without a trace.”

⋆ margaux by matilda mann

“and i could be a pretty girl. i'll wear a skirt for you. and i could be a pretty girl, shut up when you want me to. and i could be a pretty girl, won't ever make you blue. and i could be a pretty girl i'll lose myself in you.”

⋆ pretty girl by clario

“and i don't want your pity. i just want somebody near me. guess i'm a coward. i just want to feel alright, and i know no one will save me. i just need someone to kiss. give me one good honest kiss, and i'll be alright. nobody, nobody, nobody, oh, nobody, nobody, nobody. and still nobody wants me, still nobody wants me.”

⋆ nobody by mitski

“remember when we used to swim, baby. no one around, take off all our clothes? and in a clear cold, we were born again. i used to count down to your birthday, now i'm not sure if it's june or july, isn't that sad? where did we go wrong? our haven was always in a song, but just when i go to close the gates permanently, i realize that it isn't me. no, i don't keep a list, can't hold a grudge. don't you think that we both might've done some growing up? yeah, i know that some shit was said and done, but it's such a different world now, I can't hate anyone.”

⋆ hold no grudge by lorde ft. @wilder-kelly

“you hate it but loving me takes patience. so we lose touch when i'm faded, and it can get dark but still i know you're waiting. loving me takes patience.”

⋆ for my friends by king princess ft. @mattsullivan

“i'm spending more than i earn, drink all the time to forget i’m not her. cause i go to parties sometimes, and i'll kiss a boy and pretend for the night. cause i don't know much about me. i'm still ashamed of who i used to be. so i try way too hard, but i still miss the mark to fit in. help me. oh, please, someone help me. i don't care, anyone, anything, cause i'm so sick of being so lonely.”

⋆ lonely by noah cyrus

“i don't wanna talk right now. i just wanna watch tv, i'll stay in the pool and drown, so i don't have to watch you leave...and i don't get along with anyone. maybe i'm the problem. maybe i'm the problem.”

⋆ tv by billie eilish

“the truth is i am a toy that people enjoy, til all of the tricks don't work anymore, and then they are bored of me. i know that it's exciting running through the night, but every perfect summer's eating me alive until you're gone. better on my own. they say, "you're a little much for me, you're a liability, you're a little much for me." so they pull back, make other plans i understand, i'm a liability.”

⋆ liability by lorde ft. @silascody

“if he's a serial killer, then what's the worst that could happen to a girl who's already hurt? i'm already hurt. if he's as bad as they say, then i guess i’m cursed. looking into his eyes, i think he's already hurt. he's already hurt.”

⋆ happiness is a butterfly by lana del ray ft. @tailshazelwood​

“so we spent what was left of our serotonin to chew on our cheeks and stare at the moon. said she knows she lived through it to get to this moment, ate a sleeve of saltines on my floor, and i knew then, i would do anything you want me to. i would do anything for you”

⋆ graceland too by phoebe bridgers ft. @nesrinadem

[sellieellie]

heyyyy. update time.

so i feel like a lot has happened in the past month.

i’ve finally come to terms with my own sexuality! pretty sure in bi but not really sure if it’s more than that. don’t really want to put a label on it right now. over the summer, when i was drunk, i told my sister that but we haven’t spoken about it further until i told her about a girl celebrity crush i had lmao.

i’ve been listening to so so so much boygenius and phoebe bridgers. i want tickets to their concert so bad oh my god.

bella came home for break and i took her to my campus to drink. it was fun and nice to catch up with her. can’t wait for summer.

connor confirmed he’s transferring to my college! he’s living off campus but right by my favorite bar and about a twenty minute walk from my dorm, which isn’t awful. idk how often we’ll even go to each other’s places but lol.

i selected my dorm with people i know from high school and friends of friends. it’s a lot more spacious and nice than my dorm last year so im excited. it’s one of the newer ones. it’ll be nice i think.

i also chose my schedule for next semester and i only have three obligations a day, but it’s every day of the week. but i’ll be done by two every day! which is so nice. and i’ll get work again next semester.

our friends really think connor and i will have something this summer. im excited but also nervous. i don’t want to get my hopes up again. like i said im apprehensive about starting a relationship with him because i don’t know if he’d be the right fit for me but at this point im taking whatever i can get. i think the experience would be nice ykwim. but anyways.

counting down the days until summer. i’ve got my job set up again and everything. hoping to make some good money. but yeah. that’s all for now. im pretty content. mostly because the school year is almost over.

i’ll update again after finals. <3