#Brazilians said they��re sick of them

[silver-rings-and-rabbits]

Open Heart 2 - Chapter 16

Sparks

A/N: Please note I am not a mental health professional. The techniques referred to in the chapter are based on my own experience with extreme anxiety and therapy. If you are struggling with your mental health, please speak to a mental health professional. On a lighter note, users @sazanes and @lorirwritesfanfic helped me with the Brazilian Christmas celebrations. Thank you both so much, I hope I did the scene justice.

The next day after movie night, Matthew quietly spoke to Ethan about being assigned a therapist. He met with Vanessa Hayes, who read Matthew’s medical report from the attack and listened to his own account. Matthew sat opposite her, on the edge of his chair, his hands clasped into fists as he recounted his fight for life and how much harder it had been to return to diagnostic patients than he thought.

“I wasn’t actively avoiding them, but it was like…something in my brain was telling me to look for something else to. I suppose I rationalised it like there were three other doctors on the diagnostics team who could handle the patient – even if it was my patient – and meanwhile someone somewhere in the hospital might need more help.”

“Trauma in the ER, for example?”

“Sure, or making sure my intern could handle her patient, or if someone was calling for help. The day I had my panic attack, I kept looking for patients who weren’t in the attack room so I wouldn’t have to go in, but then a nurse caught me and I had to authorise the next phase of the patient’s treatment.”

“No one was with you?”

“No…they were dealing with other patients.”

Vanessa made a note.

“It’s very common for a traumatized person to re-experience trauma when there is a benign stimulus connected to the event. In your case, the stimulus was the room of the attack, and I imagine this wasn’t helped by the fact it was your first time back in the room and you didn’t have anyone supporting you.”

“Dr Delarosa told me I wasn’t sick, it was my anxiety,” Matthew remembered. “So I guess that would be me comparing the physical symptoms of anxiety with the symptoms of the toxin and that all added to the stimulus.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

They discussed anxiety attacks from a general perspective – Matthew knew it rooted from the fight or flight survival instinct and Vanessa reminded him that the more he understood their nature, the more he could control his response.

“Sometimes it helps me to take a deep breath,” Vanessa said. “Because if I have time to stop and breathe, I’m not in immediate danger, and if I can stop and breathe, I start calming down. What I also suggest is, if you can, take a few minutes to put all your focus onto something completely different…like drinking a cup of coffee. Focus on the taste and smell. Step out of your brain before it leads to panic. If you can't focus on one thing, look for five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste."

Vanessa also advised him to take things slowly when it came to his diagnostic patients: he could brainstorm in the office with his colleagues without necessarily being in the patient room. Then he could enter the room for short periods of time, accompanied by his colleagues, staying for longer and longer periods as his confidence built up again. He had a strong support system; he should lean on it as much as possible.

Conversation then moved on to Rafael. Matthew was thrilled to have him back in his life, but was still scared of losing him. The fact that Rafael was also in therapy was slightly comforting: Matthew trusted that he was addressing his saviour complex and believed him when he said he didn’t want to risk in his life anymore. He was glad the issue was being tackled, he just wished it hadn’t come at such a huge cost.

Meanwhile, Edenbrook was preparing for Christmas. Coloured lights were hung in the front windows and an impressive Christmas tree was set up in the atrium, glittering with red and gold baubles. The nurses stations had coloured tinsel taped around the edge of their desk, and the peds ward was covered in decorations handmade by their young patients.

On Christmas Eve, Matthew rushed up to the diagnostics office where he had left his pager on the table and was surprised to find Baz in a Santa suit, adjusting a long white beard.

“Baz?”

“Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, young man!” Baz boomed in a jolly voice, before switching to his ordinary voice. “Just about to do my yearly rounds on the peds ward. The kids don’t like spending Christmas in hospital, but a visit from jolly old Santa cheers them right up!”

“Adorable,” Matthew grinned. “First time I heard about that I assumed ‘Dr Mirani’ meant Zaid. Wait, what if someone sees him and recognises you in him?”

“First, how often do you think Zaid goes on the peds ward?” Baz said, when he was done laughing at the idea of Zaid dressed as Santa. “Second, it’s not that deep. Kids young enough to believe in Santa don’t look much further than the beard and red coat, and kids too old to believe in Santa would rather keep the dream alive.” He put on his hat and sauntered off down the hall.

Matthew visited the peds floor later, accompanied by Sienna, and Baz was right; a visit from Santa had revitalised the kids, who chatted eagerly about what they liked about the holidays and what they had asked for for Christmas. According to one of the nurses, the hospital had bought a small colouring book and teddy for each child to receive from ‘Santa’ overnight.

Matthew finished his shift mid-afternoon and called a taxi straight over to the airport where he met Holly, who practically bowled him over in a big hug.

“You look so well!” she said in delight, noticing how the colour had returned to his face, he was more fleshed out and his eyes less tired.

“I’m so glad you made it!”

They chatted a little about work and Holly’s plans for her five-day stay in Boston during the cab ride home. She was going to explore the city when Matthew was back at work, and she was going to visit Salem, but before that was the Christmas celebration at Juliana’s that night.

“And how are things with you and Rafael?”

“Really good,” Matthew said, with an automatic smile. “I mean it. When he’s around…it’s like everything is better.”

It was very difficult to doubt him when she had never seen him smiling like that before.

Later that night, they stepped off the T and walked through the neighbourhood to Juliana’s house, carrying overnight bags, flowers and wine. Juliana had insisted they didn’t need to worry about Christmas presents, but Holly had wanted to bring something, even if Matthew said it made them look like they were on a first date.

“If in doubt, flowers and wine.”

“What if someone has allergies?”

“Then the flowers can stay outside. What are Brazilian holidays like, anyway?” Holly asked. She was wearing a red wrap-around blouse and smart black trousers. Matthew had donned a sweater with a Christmas pudding on it.

“I’m not sure,” he said. “But Raf said it would be loud, with a lot of music, food and drink.”

Music and food was instantly confirmed when Natalia opened the door with a wide smile and they were blasted with loud music and delicious smells. Red and green tinsel adorned the walls and poinsettia plants were placed on the windowsills. Christmas cards were hung up everywhere, and the kitchen was full of plates of food and bottles of drink. Holly was greeted like an old friend by Natalia and Pablo, and then Juliana herself swooped over and told her how deeply honoured she was to meet her at last. Holly was surprised, pleased and more than a little touched. Matthew chuckled to himself and was about to look for Rafael when his arms wrapped around him from behind.

“Glad you made it,” Raf said. “Can I get you a drink?”

Beers in hand, Matthew and Holly were introduced to the ample family members: Juliana’s eldest son, Abe, and his wife Madeleine. They had three kids, older than Matthew, and several grandkids who were upstairs, trying to get some sleep before the feast. Juliana’s eldest daughter, Patricia, and her wife, Stacey. They had a small group of foster kids also upstairs. The next daughter was Marcia who was a divorcée and had four kids; one of whom was pregnant, and another had a toddler. Of course, Matthew had met Rafael’s parents, and then there was the widow of Samuel, Juliana’s youngest son who had taught Rafael to fly a helicopter before an unexpected heart attack. They had had two kids and so far one grandchild. Matthew had so many hugs and handshakes he felt a little dazed.

It was amazing how many people could fit into Juliana’s three bedroom home. Furniture had been rearranged so a large table groaning with food sat in the middle of the kitchen. A finely cooked turkey was in the middle of the table, red berries offering a splash of decoration. There was also a large ham with a shiny glaze, a large bowl of rice mixed with fruits and nuts, various salads and dishes of roasted vegetables. Juliana could have only spent her entire day cooking for her family. The sight of it all made Matthew’s mouth water.

He enjoyed seeing Rafael so relaxed. When he was at home, surrounded by his beloved family, a quiet confidence overtook him and he chatted and joked with ease, laughing loudly with everyone. Some of his smaller cousins clung to him eagerly, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Play acrobats with me,” the little girl begged. Raf gave her an apologetic smile as he ruffled her hair.

“I don’t know if I can do that right now,” he said, as her mom approached.

“Cara, Rafael’s still recovering, remember?” she said. “Max was looking for board games earlier, why don’t we see if he needs some players?”

“I used to spin her round and turn her upside down and said she was like a circus acrobat, then it became a game,” he explained to Matthew, as Cara went with her mom to find some games. “But I think that counts as ‘over-exertion’ for now.”

“Let’s hope Operation will be just as exciting,” Matthew chuckled.

“Oh, you’d be surprised how competitive the little kids can get. I think she’ll be just fine.”

As they spoke, someone loaded a Christmas CD into Juliana’s CD player and Brazilian music filled the room. A few of the couples started giggling and twirling round each other. Raf lightly rested his hands on Matthew’s waist. Seeing where this was going, Matthew wrapped his arms around Rafael’s waist.

“Looks like you’re not completely out of energy,” he said, as they gently swayed from side to side.

“Gotta build my strength somehow,” Raf chuckled. Matthew leaned up to kiss his cheek as Marcia snapped their photo.

“Sorry,” she grinned, as they looked over. “But you’re a very handsome couple.”

“Send me a copy of that when you get the chance,” Raf said. “Matthew, do you want another drink?”

Leaving Matthew in the company of his aunt, Raf went into the kitchen to grab Matthew another beer and a root beer for himself when Holly walked into the kitchen.

“Hello,” she said cheerfully, and Raf jumped slightly.

“Hi, Holly, how are you? Uh, can I refill your glass?”

“Could I have a glass of red wine?”

“Sure, I’ll get it now!”

Holly watched as Raf hurried to the wine cupboard and poured out a measure of pinot noir. His hand trembled slightly as he handed it to her.

“Are you…nervous?” she asked, accepting the glass.

“Umm…I mean…I really care about Matthew and he loves you a lot and…I probably haven’t made a great impression.” He looked guilty, and Holly realised.

“You’re referring to the fact you broke up with him,” she said. “And, to be honest…no, that wasn’t the best first impression. But you did save his life, and that counts for something.” She put the glass down on the counter and faced Rafael properly.

“Apparently you thought you were a better match for your ex?”

“…Yes. I know it sounds stupid, but at the time I thought I was doing what was best. I’m sorry,” he added. Holly smiled.

“Rafael, relax,” she said. “Matthew told me about what happened…and about how you ran into the room and knocked him away from an assassin. I just hope you’ll never have to know how it feels hear about how your only surviving child narrowly avoided death. And it's thanks to you.” A shadow crossed her face and for a second Raf thought she might cry, but she collected herself. “Look, I don’t presume to know the ins and outs of your relationships. But I’ve seen the look on Matthew’s face when he talks about you, and all things considered I can give you a second chance at a first impression.”

“Thank you,” Raf smiled, his relief taking even himself by surprise. “I won’t waste it.”

“I’m sure you won’t.” Holly picked up her glass and took a sip. “Let me know if you’re up for visiting Colorado sometime.”

As midnight approached, the children were roused from their naps and brought downstairs. They instantly picked up on the excitement in the house and were bouncing around, eager to start the celebrations. The older ones ran around in their pyjamas, not wanting to waste time getting dressed, babies and toddlers clung to their parents shyly.

Matthew stood between Holly and Rafael as the family piled into the dining room and Juliana said a short prayer of thanks. Her voice tightened as she reiterated her gratitude for her family’s health and the fact that they could all be there to celebrate Christmas together. The sentiment was shared by every single person in the room. Kisses were shared between couples, parents and children. Warm looks were cast to Rafael and Matthew. Holly lightly ran her hand over Matthew’s back, coming to rest at his shoulder, and Matthew slipped his own hand into Rafael’s.

The wave of emotion gently passed and gave way to the family digging into the food and spilling out to fill the chairs and couches set up in the kitchen and living room – there were too many people to eat round the table. Matthew helped himself to pieces of turkey and ham, chicken salad, rice (there was a version with and without raisins that people bickered over). He added a small spoonful of farofa, upon advice of Raf’s cousin who said it would complement the meat.

He sat with Rafael and some cousins in a corner of the living room, under a glowing Christmas tree decorated with silver baubles. The fire was roaring, and they dug into their food. Raf’s cousin Marco started mucking around, moving the figures of the Nativity scene until baby Jesus was outside the stable, and the wise men worshipped the donkey.

“Don’t laugh, it encourages him,” Marco’s sister Hannah groaned. “He’s always switching stuff around at home.”

“Salt and sugar?”

“Not yet,” Marco said, with a wicked grin. He settled back down in his armchair. “Matthew, what’s it like being a doctor?”

“Oh, er…”

“Is it hard? Do you cut people open?”

“It is hard, especially when I started. But no, I don’t cut people open, that’s surgeons.”

“So what do you do?”

“I diagnose patients. In a nutshell, they come in, I speak with them and ask them questions about the symptoms they’re experiencing. Then I can start working out what’s the most likely problem and start testing for it.”

“I could never work in a hospital,” Hannah said. “I can’t deal with puke.”

“You get used to that surprisingly quickly,” Matthew said calmly. “If you threw up right now, I could probably catch it.”

“Eeeeew!”

But they couldn’t help laughing, and started sharing some of their own hospital experiences. Raf went quiet, letting the conversation wash over him, and shooting Matthew a reassuring smile. Diversion arrived in the form of Holly and some aunts, who all had freshly topped up wine glasses.

It was nearing two in the morning and Matthew’s head was resting on Raf’s shoulder as they shared a piece of rich rabanada for dessert. The energy was starting to drop, food making everyone sleepy, until Pablo called that it was time for presents.

The Aveiro family did Secret Santa by household. Rafael was included with his parents this year and opened up vouchers and wine-tasting for three, to be used any time within the next twelve months.

“I can’t wait to put those to use. Wine-tasting will be fabulous when the weather’s nice,” Pablo said, wrapping his arm around Natalia.

They had bought a selection of board games for Raf’s cousin Bruna and her husband. Apparently they were both game nerds and had even met in a board game café. Bruna was pregnant, and Natalia had also put together a bonus gift of baby clothes, diapers, and a few sensory toys.

“Thanks Natalia, you’re amazing,” Bruna beamed.

Later, when the party was finally winding down, young children were back in bed and grown-ups were inflating mattresses. Rafael and Matthew slipped outside to sit on the back porch, wrapped in blankets and nursing mugs of hot chocolate. It was one of those cold, clear winter nights with a bright crescent moon and stars dotting the sky.

“How have you been tonight?” Raf asked. “I hope it didn’t get too overwhelming meeting everyone at once?”

“No, I’m having a great time. I’ve been curious about meeting the rest of your family. And my mom fit right in, I’ve barely seen her since we walked through the door.”

“I was so nervous about meeting her, I was afraid she wouldn’t like me.”

“What’s the verdict now?”

“I felt like she was assessing me when you came in, then she ran into me in the kitchen. She told me to relax, and that she’d given me a second chance.”

“I knew she would. Did you see her dancing with your aunt and uncle earlier?”

“Yes,” Raf said, and chuckled. “Remember the first time you came round here and I taught you to dance samba?”

“Always. Best first date I’ve ever had,” Matthew said, lightly teasing.

Raf took Matthew’s hand in his, his smiling growing a little more serious. “I’m really happy you’re here, Matthew. I wouldn’t trade this night with you for the world.”

“Me too.”

Matthew cuddled closer into Rafael’s side, closing his eyes to breathe in his scent. It was amazing how one person could feel like home. The last few weeks hadn’t been the easiest, but Rafael’s gentle presence made all the difference. Six months ago he had been facing an empty future, but now he was sitting here feeling like the luckiest man alive.

“Raf, I—”

“Hey!” The boys jumped a little as Holly opened the back door. “What are you two doing out here? Aren’t you cold?”

“No, we’re good,” Matthew said, indicating the blankets as Rafael held up his mug. “What about you? Are you drunk?”

“I’ve just had some wines.” Holly gave Matthew a friendly swat on the arm before going to sit beside Rafael. “Tonight was so much fun. It must have been nice to grow up with such a large family.”

“It was,” Raf said. “My family’s always ready to help each other, and my grandparents often babysat us as kids when our parents worked, so I grew up super-close with my cousins.”

“A supportive family means everything. That reminds me, I need to call my brother tomorrow…he’s probably asleep now.” She sighed wistfully. “We never had big holiday celebrations like this. And then they got even smaller…”

A pang went through Matthew’s chest.

“Mom…”

“I’m fine, I’m fine, I promise,” Holly sniffled, wiping her eyes. “But I think it’s time to find my bed.”

She turned to Rafael and kissed him on the cheek.

“Matthew was right about you, you’re a lovely young man. I’m glad you have each other.”

She kissed Matthew goodnight and shuffled into the house, as Matthew laughed at Rafael’s stunned expression.

****

Matthew woke up around lunch time with Raf’s soft breath tickling the back of his neck, which would have been lovely if it weren’t for the fact they were sharing a room with three other couples who were now stumbling around trying to get dressed, and the kids were already running through the house. Even with the subdued atmosphere of the after-party, the house was full of life as the children played with their new toys and everyone nibbled on leftovers.

Once they made it back to Matthew’s apartment late-afternoon (carrying several tins of leftover food), they indulged in cocoa with marshmallows. Matthew’s apartment looked sparse in comparison to Juliana’s Christmassy house: he and his roommates had hung up a paperchain that had since fallen apart, but they had bought a small Christmas tree that now sat on the coffee table and was switched on to emit a gentle glow. Matthew was also particularly proud of the toilet roll tubes that he and Elijah had turned into Christmas trees with some green tissue paper and glue, which now sat on the windowsill.

A tradition that they had had forever was watching The Snowman, which they did now as they drank their cocoa, then Matthew got Spooky out of her cage to play as Holly baked an apple and cinnamon cake – another tradition. By the time his roommates had got home from their Christmas Day shift, the apartment was filled with mouthwatering smells.

“Holly, you didn’t have to do this!” Sienna said.

“Of course I did! You’ve all been working hard, it’s the least you deserve.”

The gang had – correctly – predicted they wouldn’t feel like cooking a full Christmas spread after work and so had improvised: cuts of turkey and ham from the supermarket, frozen fries and mixed vegetables. With Juliana's leftovers, it was all ready to eat in twenty-five minutes.

“Sorry it’s so basic…” Sienna started to say, but Holly cut her off.

“Honey, stop apologising. The important thing is that we’re having fun.”

Secret Santa wasn’t over yet, and the roommates took turns swapping over gifts as they gorged on cake. Elijah correctly guessed that Matthew had bought him some funky glow-in-the-dark Xbox controllers, and then Matthew unwrapped a mug that said ‘World’s Okay-est Junior Fellow’ that could have only come from Jackie. Refilling their glasses with a cry of ‘cheers!’, Matthew couldn’t help feeling good about the year to come.

****

January brought new challenges, and not just for Matthew. Ethan asked him to stay behind after a brainstorm a few days after new year.

“I actually hoped I could perhaps get a bit of…advice?” Ethan asked, awkwardly. “It’s…about my mother. Nobody else really knows what’s going on.”

“I’ll do my best,” Matthew nodded, sitting back down at the table. “What’s up?”

“Like I said, my mother was brought in two months ago after a heroin overdose. She had three days of detox here, like all patients. Since then, she’s been in a rehabilitation centre that my father has been paying for.”

“I take it you haven’t spoken to her?”

“No, at least, not beyond anything as a doctor. I only told my father because my conscience won out. He took it from there and found the rehab centre.”

“So…what’s the issue?”

“The issue is that the rehab centre is expensive and he thinks my mother isn’t happy there. She’s also been asking about me almost incessantly.” Ethan groaned. “I’ve said time and time again, I have no interest in reaching out to the woman who left her family without a second thought. It almost destroyed my father, and now I’m the one who should reach out lest I lose a relationship with him too?”

Matthew bit his lip. It was odd seeing Ethan like this, out of control and truly torn between his personal feelings and professional feelings.

“Um…what do you want from me?”

“I’m so sorry to put this on you but…I suppose I want to ask what you would do?”

Matthew suddenly felt the dull ache of disappointment as he thought of his father. When his sister was sick and dying, his parents would argue when they thought he was asleep: Robert would shout at Holly that she should have known Casey’s pains weren’t ordinary growing pains, she should have taken her to a doctor sooner, should have started the treatment earlier, completely bypassing the idea that he himself had done exactly the same that Holly had. It had made Matthew feel sick inside. Robert didn’t win back any favours during the aftermath, when he worked well into the night and Matthew was heating up a TV dinner by himself in Robert’s new apartment that had never felt like a new home. The final straw was when he came out as bisexual to him at age eighteen: ‘but you still like women more than guys, right!?’

Matthew tried to think about what it be like if Robert was suddenly rushed into hospital and frowned. It was easier to understand Ethan’s conflict. He picked up a pen and started twisting it around his finger.

“I suppose I wouldn’t want much to do with him beyond being his doctor either,” he said. “At least not without hearing a genuine apology from him.” That was all Matthew had wanted when he was younger, before he gave up. “As for my mom, I don’t know if I’d be able to tell her. I’d see what my conscience tells me too.”

“Hmm.” Ethan was quiet for a minute, then gave a dry smile. “I’ll bet you didn’t think we had bad parents in common.”

“Wasn’t my first thought,” Matthew said with a weak smile of his own. “Is there a way you can help your mom without necessarily having a relationship with her?”

Ethan sat back, thoughtfully. “I suppose if my father wants to find another rehab, I could cover the cost. For his sake, not for hers.” He reached into his coat pocket for his phone. “Thanks, Matthew, you can go. I’ll take it from here. Thank you for listening.”

Matthew made the rounds on his patients, then went to the ground floor nurses station to check if he had any new ones coming through when he was almost bowled over by someone running very fast.

“Sorry!” Bryce called, without looking back. It hadn’t even registered to him that it was Matthew as he called out for Dr Tanaka.

“What the hell has gotten into you, Lahela?!” Taneka snapped as he came out of the hallway that led to OR1. “I was about to page for a cover surgeon. Scrub in NOW.”

Bryce disappeared down the hallway as Matthew exchanged a look with Nurse Ronnie, but Ronnie was just as mystified as he was.

A clue came in the form of Keiki, rushing round the corner, a backpack sliding off her shoulders as she looked around frantically.

“Keiki? What’s going on?”

“I…I…” Keiki was out of breath. “Have you seen Bryce?”

“He just ran into surgery. Is everything OK?”

Keiki swallowed and blinked hard, and Matthew suggested they find somewhere to sit. Luckily the cafeteria was relatively quiet as they sat at a small table. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if it was crowded. He just hoped Keiki wouldn’t ask why people still stared at him. The attack had left a deep mark.

“So, what happened?” he asked, once Keiki had shelled off her backpack and slumped back against a chair. “You guys haven’t had a falling out, have you?”

“No…I don’t think so.” Keiki started nibbling her thumbnail. “I got into a fight at school and was sent to the principal’s office, Bryce had to come and pick me up. And he was already kind of stressed because he had this major surgery today. I can’t remember the name of it, but he said he was basically going to saw someone in half.”

“Wait…a hemicorporectomy?” Matthew gasped. “That’s huge. There’s only ever been a handful of them performed worldwide.”

“Yeah, he said that too,” Keiki said, glumly. “He’s been super pumped, but then he had to come over to school and it almost made him late. I’d have killed myself if he’d missed it because of me.”

“Don’t ever say that,” Matthew winced. “It sounded like he made it into surgery, so don’t wallow in guilt. What was the fight about?”

“Some boy wanted to add me on Pictagram and I’m not on it, but he didn’t believe me. He searched my name and all these articles about my parents came up. He called me a jail baby, then told the entire class, so I broke his nose.”

“Ouch,” Matthew said. “I’m sorry you had to put up with that. Are you worried about how the class might treat you now?”

“Kinda,” Keiki nodded. “But it was really hard for Bryce to get me into school in the first place, especially without our parents. Now he might have to start the whole process again.”

“Let’s hope it won’t come to that. Did Bryce say anything on the way over here?”

“Just that we’d talk about it later. Actually, how long is this surgery meant to last?”

“Not sure. A complex procedure like that could be at least twelve hours. And that’s assuming there’s no kind of follow-up.”

Keiki’s lip trembled. Matthew slowly reached out to put his hand over hers, quietly encouraging her to speak.

“I don’t mean to be a burden or anything,” she sniffled. “I was so desperate to get away from Hawaii that I just flew out without thinking it through. Bryce promised he’d make it work, and he really is trying. He’s learning to cook, and I’ve seen his budget spreadsheets…then I pull crap like this and he almost misses surgery and I know I’m being selfish but I don’t want to stay in the hospital, but I really don’t want to be alone in the apartment all night…”

“Come here,” Matthew said, standing to give her a hug. She clung to him, sniffling into his chest. “You’re not being selfish. You’re fifteen, of course you don’t want to be alone all night. Does it happen often?”

“It’s happened a fair bit for about a month. Bryce said it comes and goes.”

Matthew released Keiki and they sat back down. She watched as he reached into his pocket for his wallet and phone.

“I think when you both have time, you and Bryce need to look at your system and see where you can make some readjustments.” He passed Keiki a twenty. “Make sure you have something to eat and drink, and let’s exchange numbers. I’ll try and check in with you when I can, otherwise I’ll call when my shift ends. If Bryce is still in surgery, you can at least stay at my apartment tonight.”

“Thanks Matthew,” Keiki grinned. “Thanks so much!”

****

That afternoon, Matthew hurried through a corridor and dashed down some stairs into the lobby. He checked his watch anxiously; he was just about on time.

“Matthew!”

Matthew smiled when Raf called his name. He was sat in one of the plastic chairs in a grey t-shirt and navy sweat pants, his coat held over his arm.

“Must be my lucky day,” Raf continued with a slightly teasing smile as he stood up.

“Not like you asked me to meet you here, or anything,” Matthew chuckled. “Ready to go?”

They walked side-by-side down to the training rooms where Rafael was about to have his first proper physical therapy session. Matthew glanced sideways at him as they walked, noting how he stood tall and returned the greetings of those walking past. He even started humming a tune under his breath.

“You seem pretty cheery,” Matthew noted. “Do you not find it weird being back?”

“Trust me, I do. I didn’t sleep much last night because I was thinking about what it would be like, and when I got here I had to psych myself up a bit to go in. But I worked here for around four and a half years. I have so many memories, good and bad, about this place. The attack was just one of the things that happened. When I thought about it like that, it was easier to walk in.” He glanced around. “Although…maybe it would be different if I had to go back into that room in particular.”

“That was what set me off too, at first,” Matthew said. He slipped his hand through Raf’s. “If you need to leave at any point, just say the word.”

“Thanks,” Raf smiled, squeezing his hand. “I think I’ll be OK.”

He knocked on the door of studio 3 and Matthew followed him in. A woman with a lot of curly hair, dressed in workout gear, looked up from where she was stretching.

“Hi, I’m Tara. You must be Rafael?”

“That’s me. And this is…”

“Dr Valentine, right? Are you on the medical case?”

“Actually I’m just here as Raf’s partner,” Matthew said, taking off his white coat. He’d changed into workout gear before meeting Rafael. “You can just call me Matthew.”

“OK, great,” Tara said, brightly. “So if you two grab a mat, we’ll get started.”

The two of them stood next to each other at the foot of two gym mats as Tara tapped on her phone until some ethereal music started playing from the speakers. Matthew suddenly felt like he should be in a forest by a stream.

“We’re concerned that the toxin might have affected your balance and coordination,” Tara said to Rafael as she stood in front of them both. “I thought we’d start with some yoga to warm up, then focus on some simple reflex work. Nice and easy to start with.”

“Sounds good.”

Tara led them through some poses – warrior, cobra, downward dog – then talked them through a sun salutation. She reiterated to Rafael to go at a pace he felt comfortable with, until the third and fourth rounds of sun salutation when he was told to up the pace. He did so, and despite being slightly out of breath, said he was good to carry on. As they both stood in tree pose, Matthew kept half an eye on Raf. He kept wobbling and several times he put his foot on the floor to steady himself. Tara kept saying “engage the core” which Matthew doubted was helpful – most of Rafael’s core had been destroyed by a maitotoxin – but he wasn’t here as a doctor so held his tongue.

“That was a good start,” Tara said. “How did you find that, Rafael?”

“It was OK,” Raf said. “Except I was surprised at how hard it was.”

“I know, it’s difficult starting again but it will get easier the more you do it.” Tara picked up a small red ball that was sat by the speaker. “Are you ready to move on to co-ordination?”

“Let’s do it.”

Matthew sat on a side bench to watch as Tara threw the ball to Raf. She hadn’t tossed too hard and it should have been an easy catch, but Raf’s aim was off and the ball just brushed his fingertips. He gritted his teeth as he scooped it up from the floor to toss it back…and it arched sideways, off by several feet.

“Damn it,” Raf said suddenly. “I’m so sorry…I was aiming for your hands…” He turned away as he went after the ball, rubbing his face. He still looked angry with himself when he took his hand away.

“We’ll just try again, maybe it’ll help if I come in at a slightly different angle…”

“Actually, Tara, can you give us a few minutes?” Matthew said, jumping up and walking over to her. Tara seemed hesitant. Matthew lowered his voice. “Please. Let me talk to him alone for a minute.”

Raf had taken Matthew’s place on the bench, where he sat with his head in his hands. Tara nodded.

“Alright, I could use a cup of coffee. I’ll be back soon.”

Once she was out the room, Matthew sat beside Raf, lightly resting a hand on his back. Raf didn’t move. Matthew wondered if he should be the one to break the silence.

“What if I don’t get better?”

Raf spoke so quietly Matthew almost didn’t hear. Raf lowered his hands and leaned against the wall, not looking at him.

“Everyone’s telling me I need to give it time, but what if that’s not enough? For so long I defined myself by what I could do, and I was always looking to do better…” His voice wobbled and he took a steadying breath. “When I woke up after the attack, I was told I might not be able to fully regain my physical abilities and honestly I’ve been trying to make peace with that. And now here I am and I can’t even catch a ball…”

He looked away, wiping his eye. Matthew hated that he couldn’t help. If he had the ability to put Rafael’s muscles back together, he would have done so there and then. He had to admit, he hadn’t thought much about the deeper effects of the toxin – he had been too caught up in being back together – and he berated himself for not realising it sooner.

“Nothing is certain when it comes to recovery. We both know that,” he said. “But I am certain that you’re the most resilient person I know. No matter what life throws at you, you get back up and keep going. This will be the same. I know you’ll get through this.”

Raf didn’t seem so sure as he looked at Matthew.

“What about you? You seem OK but…are you?”

Matthew considered and shrugged.

“I’m doing the best I can. I’m not quite ready to go into the patient room yet either, and I definitely don’t want to be alone when I do go in. And I still get nightmares sometimes.” Rafael reached for his hand and held it in both of his. “Largely, I just try and take it one day at a time. But Raf, I’ve never had the same athletic ability that you do, and I didn’t need physical therapy as part of my recovery. I wish I could give you the proper advice on all that stuff…”

“I know, it’s OK,” Raf said. “Just…this is wild, but my old boss reached out to me. She said they’re open to me coming back as a paramedic if I’m still up for it.”

“Wow. Seriously?”

“I know. Who’d have thought the way to get my job back was to do the thing I got suspended for.” He rolled his eyes.

“Are you worried you won’t be fit enough to go back?”

“That’s part of it, yeah. But there’s another part of me that doesn’t want to go back, even if I could. I was looking for change…and the one I got was bigger than I ever imagined, and I don’t know what’s scarier: going back to what I was before, or not being able to.”

Matthew’s shoulders relaxed a tiny bit that Raf wasn’t overly eager to return to his old job. He scooted closer and spoke cautiously.

“It sounds like you could get the best of both worlds. The paramedic position is an offer to fall back on, but you’re also free to try something new.”

Raf thought about it, then smiled. His shoulders had relaxed too, dropping back a fair bit.

“You’re a real optimist, you know that?”

“Takes one to know one.”

Rafael looked at Matthew for a few seconds, then suddenly wrapped him up in a big, tight hug.

“Thanks,” he murmured in his ear. Matthew felt warm, not just from Raf’s body heat. His cheeks were flushed when they pulled apart.

“Are you ready to get back to training?” He asked. “I can page Tara.”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

Matthew stood, but before he could retrieve his pager from his coat, Rafael caught hold of his arm and pulled him down to give him a kiss.

“I’m really happy you’re back in my life, Matthew.”

“Me too.”

When Tara came back – large cup of coffee in hand – she restarted the reflex work. Raf missed the ball for a second time, caught it on the third, missed the fourth, caught again on the fifth, sixth and seventh. Tara had no problem moving him onto some aerobics, and then the three of them cooled down with meditative breathing.

“Thanks so much for coming with me,” Rafael said to Matthew as they left. “And for listening.”

“Anytime.” Matthew glanced in the direction of the cafeteria. “So, um, do you have to leave right now?”

“I said I’d text my dad when I was ready to be picked up. Why?”

“If you have time, I’d love to buy you a cup of coffee.”

It felt blessedly normal to walk into the cafeteria with Raf, except it was hard to ignore the many stares they got. Raf kept his eyes straight ahead and Matthew glared at people until they turned away. But sitting together over coffee and cupcakes was the kind of thing they had done before their worlds were turned upside down. Of course their extremely caring friends, family and colleagues was massively appreciated, but the slices of normality were pure heaven by comparison. Even if it came in the form of dishwater coffee and slightly dry pastries.

It put him in a good mood for the rest of the day. The spring in his step didn’t come often and he laughed and joked with patients until he heard June’s voice as he left a patient’s room.

“Hey, Matthew. I feel like we hardly talk now.”

“Oh yeah…” Matthew couldn’t shake off the memory of June reading his file. He had since second-guessed everything she said to him, wondering if it was true or her trying to win him over.

“Just a lot going on at the moment, I guess,” he shrugged.

“You seemed positive about how the therapy was going.”

“It’s helping.”

“Well, good,” she said, cheerfully. She walked alongside him for a while. “So, your intern actually won against Thorne.”

“It’s his own fault.”

“Of course it is, it’s been a long time coming. The problem is, weren’t we also trying to win over Mass Kenmore into sharing their research grant and merging with us?”

“What are you getting at?” Matthew asked suspiciously, realising June might have a little more information than some others.

“Thorne got suspended for six months. In the grand scheme of things, that’s nothing. People think he should have got more, it doesn’t put Edenbrook in the best light. A lot of Mass Kenmore doctors don’t want to work in a place that cares about doctors like Thorne, and a lot of other doctors don’t want that connection.”

Matthew stopped. “You’re not serious,” he said, weakly. June nodded.

“I’ve been asking around. An official decision is yet to be announced, but if I were you, I’d consider making contingency plans.”

She walked away, her hair falling over her shoulder and down her back. Matthew sighed, heavily, his good mood wilting.

****

Bryce was bent over a surgical table, beads of sweat on his brow, his mind completely focused on the body that lay on top of it. Tanaka’s voice telling him to seal the internal organs was far away. This wasn’t Bryce’s first amputation but it was the most drastic by far…

“I’m so sorry to interrupt, Dr Tanaka…”

Bryce tensed as he heard the sweep of the door and the voice of the nurse who had just walked in. The last time his surgery had been interrupted like this, his friends had just been poisoned.

“…A couple have just walked into the hospital and they’re demanding to see Dr Lahela, and they won’t leave until they do. It’s, um, causing some disturbance.”

The bad feeling in Bryce’s stomach shifted slightly; he thought he knew who this couple might be and they weren’t much better than poison. He glanced over at Dr Tanaka. Above the mask, his eyes were cautious.

“If you don’t mind, I’d better go and see what’s going on,” Bryce said, guardedly. “I’ll try and make it quick.”

“Very well. Dr Pierce, if you could take over…?”

Bryce shed his surgical cap and gown in the scrub room before following the nurse into the atrium where – just as he’d suspected – his very own parents were arguing with a security guard. Unlike Bobby, who had a soft side to the people he knew, Jones was ice-cold right down to the core, and yet Bryce’s father was right in his face, arms crossed, staring him in the eye. And he’d wondered where Bryce had got his stubbornness from.

After he’d left home, Bryce hadn’t imagined he’d never see his parents again, but he also hadn’t given any thought to what he’d do if he did. They looked the same as always – bespoke, designer clothing, a large, gold watch on his father’s wrist, the thick fur collar on his mother’s coat, both standing with the same haughty posture – and the wave of anger that washed through Bryce took him by surprise. They had wrecked his life, were on their way to wrecking Keiki’s life, and right when he was really on the cusp of making things better, they had burst in uninvited to destroy everything all over again. In the back of his mind, he wondered how he might be able to come back from this…there was a chance Edenbrook would lay him off for this connection.

But he wasn’t going to let that happen. Bryce took a deep breath, clenched his fists and stormed up to his parents.

“What the hell are you doing here?!”

Mr and Mrs Lahela turned away from the security guard to glare at him. They might have been looking down their noses, but Bryce hadn’t missed the split second of surprise in Mrs Lahela’s expression.

“I was told there was a disturbance and I was needed out here. Instead of a problem, I find you.”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve,” Mr Lahela snarled. He pointed an accusing finger at Bryce. “You were behind this whole thing, weren’t you? You’re nothing but trouble.”

“And what is it I’m supposed to have done?”

“Don’t play dumb. Where’s Keiki?”

Bryce folded his arms across his chest.

“How long did it take you to notice she had left?”

“How dare you?” Mrs Lahela shrieked. People were stopping to stare, Jones made sure no one hung around for too long. Bryce didn’t back down. Even after all this time, it was surprisingly easy to speak in the calm, cool manner that had pissed them off when he was a teenager. Survival instincts were buried deep.

“Did either of you actually speak to her before she left? Or did she try and speak to you, only to be bought off with a shiny new toy? Because apparently money solves everything and god knows you have plenty of it.”

“You don’t know anything, you little shit.” Mr Lahela took three steps forward and grabbed Bryce by the collar. It was his favourite intimidation tactic. Bryce tensed, but narrowed his eyes. “Tell us where our daughter is, or I’ll see to it that your life will be a living hell—”

“Dad.”

Keiki had come rushing forward, so quickly that Bryce hadn’t even seen which direction she came from. Mr Lahela was so surprised that he let go of Bryce, who instantly stepped in front of Keiki protectively. She slipped her hand through his, but when he glanced back at her, her jaw was set determinedly. He squeezed her hand in solidarity.

“Oh, Keiki, thank goodness…” Mrs Lahela seemed to be about to push Bryce aside to give Keiki a hug, but Keiki wasn’t having it.

“Go to hell, Mom!”

“Language!” Mrs Lahela chastised. Bryce rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, because that’s the worst thing about this situation. Tell me, did you ever ask Keiki about how she was doing, or are you completely unaware that she’s still being bullied as a consequence for what you did? Are you both so awful that you’re happy to continue making money off people, despite all the pain you caused…even to your own children?” Bryce’s eyes burned. His voice rose in his fury. It wasn’t fair. “I don’t care what you think of me. Starting over by myself was hard, but I was happy to do it. But you had a chance to do better for Keiki, and you blew it. Somehow, we’re the ones dealing with the fallout of your actions once again. You’ve come into my place of work, kicking and screaming and disturbing a hospital full of patients, and now I’ll have to fix that while you piss off back to your mansion in Hawaii like nothing happened. It’s OK, Keiki and I will take care of ourselves, we’re pretty used to that now. Don’t worry about us; you never did.”

Mr Lahela’s eyes bulged, and he went red in the face. It would have been comical if it weren’t so horrible.

“I…you…you are no longer my son!” he bellowed. Bryce didn’t flinch.

“I knew I never wanted a son,” Mrs Lahela shrugged. A lock of hair had come free from her bun and fallen across her forehead. She tucked it behind her ear. “Well, come on Keiki. If we hurry we can be on a plane back to Hawaii in an hour.”

“No.”

“I beg your pardon?” Mrs Lahela’s voice went dangerously soft.

“I’m not coming back,” Keiki said. She couldn’t stop her voice from trembling but she wouldn’t be silenced. “I told you about the kids at school and you never listened. You just kept brushing it aside and telling me not to draw attention to myself…but it didn’t work! School sucked and you did nothing to help! And then you were always out at work, and I was alone in that massive house, and then every time I tried to talk about that, you just said I should bring a friend over. I didn’t have any and it was because of you!”

People were giving their group a wide berth, but it didn’t stop them from looking over their shoulder. The rage burning inside Bryce was anciently familiar, but even worse now was Keiki’s upset. He pictured his sister as a child, sitting in the cavernous mansion, wondering why no one came for her. He could have punched Mr Lahela square in the face. It was only for Keiki’s sake that he didn’t.

“The fact is,” Keiki continued. “Bryce has been a much better parent than you guys have ever been in your life!”

“Keiki,” Mrs Lahela sighed. “I have never been more disappointed.”

“Agreed,” Mr Lahela said. “Well, Keiki, if that’s how you feel…don’t come back with us. In fact, don’t bother coming back to Hawaii at all.”

Keiki flinched, but refused to let any hurt show on her face. Bryce, meanwhile, felt something victorious inside him, and an empty sort of freedom. They could cut ties with their criminal parents for good, and everything that Keiki hadn’t had back then – a comfortable home, a caring brother – he could make sure she had it now. He wrapped his arm around her tightly; it would be them against the world from now on.

“That’s fine by us.”

Mr Lahela put his arm around his wife and the pair of them stormed towards the exit, talking loudly about all their wasted time. An awkward silence was left in their wake. Nurses and admin staff started busying themselves in an attempt to pretend the scene had never happened, but some idiot bystanders continued to gawp shamelessly. Keiki leaned heavily into Bryce. He started marching towards the outdoor smoking area, pulling her along, and resolutely ignoring everyone around him.

Almost as soon as they were outside, Keiki began to cry. She hid her face in her hands to muffle her sobs. Bryce slumped against the wall, banging his fist against it…but he didn’t have the energy to be mad anymore. He just wanted to forget about it all.

“What a day,” he groaned, sinking to the ground.

“I didn’t think they’d actually disown us like that,” Keiki sniffled. “I guess…I thought…they might…”

“They might do better and actually start behaving like your parents?”

“Well…yeah.” Keiki moved to sit beside Bryce, and he squeezed her shoulder. “What about you? How do you feel?”

“I don’t know,” Bryce sighed. “I think they were dead to me a long time ago, to be honest.”

The two of them lapsed into silence as the gravity of the situation started to dawn. Bryce had been completely independent since med school, but Keiki had lost her home and her family at just fifteen. It was time for Bryce to take some serious consideration into the future. It wasn’t just him anymore.

They jumped when the door clicked open behind them.

“Dr Lahela?”

It was Harper, her stern demeanour gone and replaced with genuine concern.

“Dr Emery, I’m so sorry that had to happen like that.”

“Don’t apologise for your parents, Bryce. You hardly invited them over here.” Harper took a tissue out of her pocket and offered it to Keiki, who took it with a thanks. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but do you feel up to completing your shift?”

“I think I could…I was on the hemicorporectomy…but I want to make sure my little sister gets home.”

Harper nodded.

“I’ll get a message back to Dr Tanaka.”

“Thank you so much, Harper.”

Harper smiled as she walked back inside. Bryce sighed heavily, then stood up and opened his arms wide. Keiki stood and hugged him tightly until she couldn’t breathe. They broke apart with a small smile.

“I’m sorry I made you late for surgery this morning,” Keiki said.

“I’d almost forgotten that,” Bryce said, with a weary chuckle. “But don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I kind of abandoned you in the car.”

“That’s OK. Matthew found me in the hospital and made sure I had something to eat.”

“Good old Matthew. I owe him one.”

Bryce took Keiki home before rushing back to the hospital to finish up the surgery. Given the complexity of the surgery, Tanaka had decided to pause it for tonight, and finish the rest tomorrow. He was understanding when Bryce explained the situation with his parents, he wasn’t even mad about Bryce being late on this occasion.

Word about the infamous Lahela’s spread fast around the hospital, though there was a general underlining that Bryce wasn’t to blame for it. He left the surgery to find people looking at him with sympathy rather than resentment, which was preferable…though not as preferable as his family life being a secret. On the plus side, Sienna had heard what happened and texted him and Keiki an invite for dinner, which they both accepted.

“Oh my gosh, what is that?” Keiki gasped, making a beeline for the chinchilla cage as soon as she walked through the door.

“Haven’t you ever seen a chinchilla before?” Elijah asked.

“Not in real life!”

Elijah opened the cage for Spooky to meet Keiki. Matthew turned to Bryce.

“How are you doing?”

“We’re OK. I’m more concerned with where to go from here, actually. If Keiki could drive, it might be better, but then she suggested she drop out of school and work. I don’t want her doing that.” He shook his head. “We’ll figure it out. We don’t need our parents.”

“Bryce…”

“OK everyone, food’s ready!” Sienna called, pulling a lasagne dish out of the oven. Matthew’s mouth watered at the rich smell and bubbling cheese and he helped Sienna plate up seven portions.

“Does anyone mind if I take the leftover piece to eat tomorrow?” he asked.

“Alright Garfield,” Jackie snorted. “Hey, Keiki, good on you for standing up to your parents. It’s not that easy.”

“Thanks,” Keiki said, as everyone settled on the couch to eat. “Have you had to do the same?”

Jackie made a face.

“I wasn’t in the same situation as you, but my parents are traditional Indians and that means, unfortunately for me, they wanted me to be married by now. Only I had no intention of doing so, and studied to be a doctor instead. Every single holiday we would have the same argument: it didn’t matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough if I wasn’t looking for a man.” She shuddered, then gave Keiki a sympathetic smile. “Don’t waste your energy on a lost cause.”

Aurora was sat next to Keiki and put a hand on her shoulder.

“I know how it feels to not want to be connected to your family name, but you’re not responsible for your parents decisions. It may seem impossible to make your own path, but it’s not.”

“You know you can come here if you need anything,” Sienna said brightly. “Consider us your extended family!”

Keiki’s smile was just as bright as she thanked them all. Bryce had gone quiet as he tried not to cry. He just gave Sienna a silent, grateful squeeze.

“Anyway,” Jackie said, loudly. “Crappy parents aside, I’ve got an announcement to make.”

“You’re engaged?” Elijah quipped, causing Jackie to toss a nearby pen at him. Aurora told him he deserved it.

“Panacea are having a conference in Vegas this weekend,” Jackie explained. “They’ve invited a couple of doctors, including me, so I’m going to go and dig up some dirt on them. Eventually I want to take them down.”

“Wait, what?”

“Take them down? How?”

“I don’t know. But one way or another, I’m gonna do it. So if I get into some kind of major trouble in Vegas and can’t come back…you’ll know why.”

She shrugged, like it was a big deal, as everyone else gaped at her.

“So…will you be needing a getaway driver?” Bryce asked casually. “I mean, I can’t let you have all the fun.”

“Really? You want to come?”

“Wait!” Keiki said, quickly. “If it’s a weekend thing, will I be alone again? I won’t be able to do anything in Vegas.”

Bryce cursed, but then his eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers.

“Kyra. She said she owes me after I did her gore-tex surgery. She’ll keep you company. She’s lovely, I promise.”

“I haven’t had the chance to see her since her surgery,” Matthew said. “Is she doing OK?”

“She’s fine, but she’s milking the ‘take it easy’ angle a tiny bit,” Bryce said. “A weekend hangout will be perfect for her, and Keiki won’t have to spend an entire weekend stuck in a hotel room.”

“You guys could stay in the apartment and look after Spooky,” Sienna said, and Jackie sat up.

“Look after Spooky as in…”

“As in we’re going too,” Sienna said. Aurora and Elijah were nodding behind her. Elijah had a look of distant anger in his eyes; he hated the American pharmaceutical system.

Jackie looked like she couldn’t believe her luck until she realised Matthew hadn’t said anything. She turned to him uncertainly.

“I want you to know that I one hundred percent support your cause,” Matthew said. “Just…the last time I got involved in a zany scheme, Raf and I almost died.”

The room quietened at that. Jackie patted Matthew’s hand.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,” she said. “The fact that everyone is willing is more than enough.”

That night, Matthew lay in bed and found himself thinking. He thought of Mrs Martinez, who just wanted a life worth living. He thought of Willow and Rowan, the twins last year who could only get hepatitis treatment by being entered into a testing program after hospitals had refused them for their lack of insurance. He thought of how upset Jackie had been on the roof, and of every single patient who had ever second-guessed going to hospital because of the cost.

He hauled himself out of bed and across the hall to Jackie’s room where he knocked on her door until she answered. She stood in her underwear, glaring at him.

“What?!”

“I’m in.”

Tags: @sazanes @rafasgirl23415 @ceruleansnake0

[paisholotus]

𝘈𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘶 𝘏𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺/𝘈𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴

The Adamu Family

The Adamu family are descendants from different kinds of Orisha's. Orisha (also given as Orisa and Orishas) are supernatural entities usually referred to as deities in the Yoruba religion of West Africa.

Elara is a descendant of Obatala. Obatala is the eldest of all orisha and was granted authority to create the earth and human bodies. while on earth he created a woman named Abebi, and years later they had children. His time on earth was up, but before his family could enter heaven his rival Oduduwa (also called Oduwa, Oodua, Odudua or Eleduwa) Oduduwa usurped his position by trying to kill him. Oduduwa felt as though he had the right to create earth, and was angry at Obatala for taking everything from him.

A great feud ensued between the two that is re-enacted every year in the Itapa festival in Ile Ife, Nigeria. Ultimately. Oduduwa given the title to rule because of them fighting some much, Oduduwa killed Abebi. And with great sorrow Obatala wanted to retaliate, but was threatened that if he decided to fight Oduduwa again, he would come after his children. So Obatala stepped down to protect his children

His children passed down their bloodline from generations to generations. All different children of various Gods and Goddesses. Having the descendants of the Adamu Family gain their power.

Lua is the descendant of Oshun. Oshun is commonly called the river orisha, or goddess, in the Yoruba religion and is typically associated with water, purity, fertility, love, and sensuality. She is considered one of the most powerful of all orishas, and, like other gods, she possesses human attributes such as vanity, jealousy, and spite.

Aja is the descendant of Aja. Aja is an Orisha, the spirit of the forest, the animals within it and herbal healers. In her forests she would find plants with medicinal properties and mix the herbs and roots and other plant parts together to find cures for the sick.

Yarri is the descendant of Shango. Shango is perhaps one of the most popular Orisha; also known as the divinity of thunder and lightning, Sango is historically a royal ancestor of the Yoruba as was the third king of the Oyo Kingdom prior to his post-humous deification. In the Lukumí (Olokun mi = "my dear one") religion of the Caribbean, Shango is considered the center point of the religion as he represents the Oyo people of West Africa, the symbolic ancestors of the adherents of the faith.

-Beliefs

There are five levels in the cosmology: Orisha worshipers believe in a creator who is called Olodumare or Olorun (God), the Orishas, human beings, human ancestors, and the lowest group, plants and animals.

-Religion

Yoruba religion of West Africa and several religions of the African diaspora that derive from it, such as Cuban, Dominican and Puerto Rican Santería and Brazilian Candomblé.

-Abilities

Lua- when angered, she can flood Earth or destroy crops by withholding her waters, thereby causing massive droughts. Yet once she has been appeased, Oshun saves Earth from destruction by calling back the waters

Aja- It is said that if someone is carried away by Aja and returns they are believed to have become a powerful "jujuman" or babalawo. The journey supposedly will have a duratation of between 7 days to 3 months, and the person carried is thought to have gone to the land of the dead or heaven.

A/N: the Adamu Family is Jamaican and Nigerian. Elara is Jamaican and Damien Nigerian.

Yarri- the power of, capricious, authoritative, procreative, destructive, magical, medicinal, and moral power. Shango's staff visualizes the unpredictable and violent power of the deity. This power is personified through dance.

Elara- can create all life forms

Stella- is the descendant of Ayao. Ayao is a minor orisha in the Lucumi/Santeria pantheon. She is the orisha of the air. She can turn any living form into air.Ayao is considered to reside in both the forest and in the eye of the tornado.

[missmermaidwitch]

Brazilian Mythical Creatures

The Ofcial Guide

Most of the witchcraft pratice usualy runs around nordic and wicca culture, wich is not a problem. But as a latina witch, my pratice involves very diffrent beliefs. So I decided to share a little bit of my country's culture along with my pratice.

So here you are about to know the magical creatures of the brazillian forests. Most of them have African culture involved due to our contry cultural mixing.

1. Curupira

The Curupira is a young indian boy who has fire like hair and feets turned to the backside of his body. He is a very ancient protector spirit of the forest yet he looks like a boy. He runs trough the forest in silence, making fake trails with his footprints to confuse the hunters and colonizers and protect the indian tribes. As only the native people used to know him, the eroupean explorers didn't knew he had his feet turned to back, so they alway followed his footsteps to the wrong side and end up lost in the dangerous wild forests.

2. Cuca

Here is one of the most famous Brazilian witches, and yes! She is an alligator. Not a crocodile, these are from other places, much like Africa and central/north-america. In Brazil we only have aligators, thank godess! (And no, they are not the same animal!). On the oposite of us, very lovely witches, Lady Cuca is a very, very mean sorceress. She has a monstruous voice and is in one of our most popular lullabies. Her purpouse is to kidnap mean children when they don't sleep at night and eat'em. She has a big cauldron through which she can see anything.

The song says "sleep, little baby! Or Cuca is gonna get you! Your mother is at the farm and your daddy is gonne to work". As you may notice, the song is supose to be sang by Lady Cuca herself. Very scary for a baby, right?

Obs: The cuca is only represented as an alligator by Monteiro Lobato in his tales, O Sítio do Pica-Pau Amarelo.

3. Boitatá

Boitatá is the name of another ancient forest spirit. Its a giantic fire snake. It protects the woods from those who plans to destroy it, specialy if trying to burn it. It surely seems to be a very lovely creature, but anyone who looks at it gets immediately insane and blind. It has the power to turn into a burning trunk to fall on the harmers and kill them. (I guess probably because this way it can avoid getting possible inocent witness blind and crazy). Sometimes it might almost look like a perfect normal snake, but it's eyes are always on fire.

There is a big chance it's a she. A female snake.

4. A Mula Sem Cabeça (The Headless Mule)

Poor thing! Attention here, girls! Any virgin girl who acept to marry a priest might end up like that. Once a virgin lady says yes to a man from the church and acept his engagement ring, she becames a headless mule. The ring turns into a collar arond the animal's neck. And she can only turn back into a human if someone takes it of. Too bad there's always a huge flame coming out of it, so hot that no one is able to get close. In other versions, if a lady has sex with a priest she becames a headless mule.

5. Saci Pererê

No one is sure if there is one or more of those. But at least one we all have met. This guy is a very fun fella. He has one less leg and jumps arond in his red clothes and his magic red hat, "carapuça" in portuguese (it's a special kind of hat and he can take anithing out if it). He can also travel trough whirlwinds, small ones usualy. The thing is that he takes a lot of dirty and leafs whit him, that's for sure. His hobbies are changing sugar and salt's places so everyone in the house have sweet beans and salty coffee. And stealing things from people, specially pipes, he loves pipes! Enough said, he is a trickster (or they are). He enjoys making a mess, but he also can bring lots of help if you make frinds with him, but, to be honest, he would trick you anyways. In moonless nights, far away from the city, you can hear him whistle and laugh!

6. Lobisomem (Werewolf)

As in other cultures people turn into werewolves from another werewolves bites and other contagious metods, in Brazil we believe that a werewolf borns when a couple after having seven daughters has the first son. Seven older sisters might get anyone angry but in this case its a little more complicated. Every full moon, the werewolf gotta run troght seven cemiteries, seven crossroads and seven church's yards. In his human days he feels always very sick and dizzy, tends to get drunk all the time because off the pain and confusion. Even in our culture the only way to kill him is a silver bullet, but we have a special secret: the way to cure him. Covering a bullet in a church's altar candle's wax and shoting (in a non-fatal spot, obviouly)! If trying, I wouldn't recomend a silver bullet anyways.

7. Iara Mãe D'água (Iara, mother of the waters)

We do have lots of mermaids in Brazil, but not all of them are royalty. Iara is a very beautiful mermaid princess, all tough we have countless beautiful beaches, she lives in the contry's rivers. She used to be a very powerful warrior indian, till the day her brothers decided to kill her because they were envy of her abilities. But as a great warrior she defeated them, killing each one. When her Dad found out what she did, he trown her into the river in a full moon night. The fishes, who admired her beauti, decided to save the girl turning her into a mermaid. Since then she reings in a underwater realm and spend her days singing to atract men and take them there. Or maybe she just kill'em, thats also a possibility.

8. Boto Cor-de-rosa (Pink river dolphin)

The Amazonas river has a very special kind of sweet water dolphin that in portuguese we call "boto". But beyond the already amazing normal "botos" there is a even more special one. The pink dolphin. It is a very wise enchanted dolphin who in full moon nights can turn into a human. Trough this night he goes to parties and date the most beautiful ladies, almost always getting them pregnant. He dresses white clothes and is a very charming man, but in the next day he will desapear and never show up again. But that's just normal male behavior, no magic involved.

Yes, the pink river dolphins is a real brazillian animal and this is a real picture of it.

August 22

Is national folklore day in Brazil.

I hope you guys enjoyed the reading. Let me know if you want to learn more about brazillian culture.

💕If you liked the post, please Reblog it!💕

[davidmann95]

Comics this week (1/13/2021)?

Future State: Dark Detective #1: I liked this! I was convinced Tamaki’s superhero work was on a downward slide given the progression from Supergirl: Being Super to She-Hulk to Wonder Woman, and her showing in Detective #1027 didn’t much impress me, but I decided to give this a chance and I’m glad I did. Stylish affair where she knows exactly how much implied plot and solid ‘he’s down and out but still the coolest badass who’s ever lived’ hardboiled one-liners to lay down while letting Dan Mora work his beautiful work, though I’ll concede it’s a bit weird that Bruce Wayne looks if anything younger in here than in the main books. Not worth not having a Klaus this year, but a pleasant surprise (I even liked the Grifter backup pretty well!) that sold me on trying her Detective run proper even if there’s no way Mora’s going to stick around for long.

Future State: Justice League #1: Another pleasant surprise! That the V/Takara JL Dark backup would rule was a given - why is Takara not on huge stuff ALL THE TIME, he’s certainly more than paid his dues - but Williamson has turned in one of his few non-snoozefest efforts with the lead feature. Buncha cool little ideas, a sense of a familiar but slightly bent team dynamic, and Rocha does some background worldbuilding that makes this world feel like it has a real lived-in history. It can’t live up to that instantly iconic cover, but this is a crew this book makes me want to see more of.

Future State: Kara Zor-El, Superwoman #1: Man, I really gotta go back and finish Bombshells at some point. This is a really interesting take on where Kara ends up delving into the dichotomies of her presentation over the years and what she does independent of the other super-folks and what problems continue to follow her. And probably the most distinctive-looking of the whole Future State slate.

Future State: Superman/Wonder Woman #1: Leading with that some Brazilian comics readers have been pointing out a number of “yeah, this didn’t get all the eyes on it that were needed” mistakes re: the culture in here, with varying degrees of severity in the response among said readers, so I’ll just go about my business and leave that discussion to those qualified: this issue otherwise rips. Almost a softer take on DKR, where the former-friend leads have (even further) down the road reached the peaks of their respective iconographic powers and found themselves divided in the process, though in this case it’s more disagreement than brutal beatings and there’s an amazing shared threat for them to be forced to team up and deal with. Watters and del Duca do an excellent job in delineating the flavors of Jon and Yara’s adventures, and there’s a ton of great minor world-building elements. Definitely going to end up one of the shining stars of Future State, and I hope they can both write their ticket coming out of it.

The Union #2: A clever enjoyable little book; not all I’d have wanted from Grist, it’s one of those “I’d skip if it wasn’t a mini” minis, but that’s what it is, so.

S.W.O.R.D. #2: I was impressed enough by GOTG managing to pivot into King in Black seamlessly, but that wasn’t its second issue. Thankfully awhile since Ewing’s had to flex that particular skillset, but he’s still got it.

The Immortal Hulk #42: I’M NOT READY FOR THIS TO BE IN ITS FINAL YEAR

Home Sick Pilots #2: I can already tell this is gonna be a “I can’t especially remember what’s happening issue-to-issue but I vibe with it so I hard I don’t care” book ala a lot of Gillen’s output.

Haha #1: Really good but this feels for all the world like just the next issue of Ice Cream Man, which is especially odd when the last issue of that one felt so out-of-place tonally for that book.

Penultiman #4: I feel like this is building to a happy ending, but I can’t imagine how this’ll pull it off within a single issue, especially with the cliffhanger.

Commanders in Crisis #4: Not much I can say about this one without spoilers beyond A. Still rules, and B. If you personally felt like #2 and #3 weren’t carrying the same kind of momentum as the debut, friend have I ever got the comic for you.

[kurtty-drabbles]

Tails au (part 6)

N/A: This au is still alive, I guess.

@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling @bamfoftheundead

Hanako Arizawa has strawberry blonde hair, something the girl takes great length to take care as it´s dyed and she never liked her original hair colour, has green eyes 100% natural to everyone bewilderment (in the US, because, her mother has green eyes and she´s born in Kyoto like her mother was too and she too has green eyes) and of course, aside from having an unappealing and unassuming look, she´s a mutant who can seek information easily.

Of course, that´s not an offensive skill, but, many sides would love to have her on their teams, Brotherhood, Madripool, X-men, Excalibur, Avengers and so and on.

The thing is, no one knows about her power and she prefers this way, to cut a long story short, Hanako used her skill in Kyoto, Japan, to settle the problem and ended up bitting more than she can chew. 

She did enter in contact with a girl in love with her senpai, in a typical school of Kyoto, and give her information about her love rivals to make sure she could confess her undying love without a risk of rejection, yet, Hanako wasn´t prepared for the bloodshed, yes, she knew the girl would hurt the others, but, she thought she would just scare them and nothing else, after all, why kill for love? In the end, all Hanako wanted was to make sure her bullies were off her feet and now she has 4 coffin filled thanks to her powers.

Well, I wasn´t expecting to be like that. Hanako thought bemused as she´s on the library reading some comics lazily as her first period was cancelled. Love was sickness and Yandere-chan is 100% sick.

The emperor of Japan was ready to execute everyone involved in those deaths as if this would really help anyone, but if the emperor goes killing little girls...they would have to reveal a big secret her motherland kept. The country is filled with yanderes.

Better sent then to the US. Better sent Hanako to the US. And those are the sum up version of Sunfire, the first mutant in the Japanese Parlament in history of ever, idea and everyone agrees.

I´m a refugee and a criminal at the same time. Wonderful.

Someone storms in the library, ignoring the mean stares as some people were studying for tests and this person enter in a ruckus way, and finally found what she´s searching for.

"Hanako, I need your help!" Amanda hissed a tad bit louder to make, Jimmy, a boy who is really bad in math, hissed at her to make her silent, yes, Amanda is popular but even she must adhere to the library´s rules.

"Hi, Amanda, fancy to see you!" Hanako states somewhat bored still reading the comics. As if that would stop Amanda, in a way, Amanda is the opposite of Yandere-chan and that gives some comfort for Hanako.

"Sorry" Amanda apologises to Jimmy, who seems to accept and returns to his reading, and she continues to a more low tone. "Kurt arrives here with a new girl"

"Man, those germans can´t keep in their pants, can´t them?" Hanako jokes and Amanda ignores the insinuation to her beloved Kurt as she continues the story.

"And is one of those friends of Tabitha Smith! She was wearing a fake tail and ears and I´m tired to lose to a girl like her, Hanako, can you give me information about Tabitha?" Amanda asked in a kind tone and Hanako wants to say no. Oh how she wants, but, she is addicted to drama...and she can blame the X-men for that, right?

No, that wouldn´t be a good idea and Sunfire won´t help her and her family a second time, so, instead, Hanako decides to follow a different route.

"What you´ll do with the information?"

"Nothing much, I just want to set Tabitha and Kurt apart"

And this makes Hanako thinking. She knows they´re fuck buddies, but, can bet her life there´s no real feeling there, on the other hand, Tabitha Smith seems very close of that Brazilian girl, Amara, and is amusing to see Amanda go in an errands fool.

"You have to promise to not hurt or kill anyone with this information, got it? If you do...you´ll be in jail or worse and I don´t want that" Amanda is looking to the sides confused as to why Hanako is even saying that. Amanda does not want to kill Tabitha(hell, she´s not a murder, she can´t even watch the fakest B horror movie without fearing for the first death) she just wants to take her out of the game, just that.

"I´m not sure why you need this clarification, but, I just want Kurt´s attention, not blood" and Hanako´s powers allowed her to see the truth in Amanda´s words and it makes her feel a bit nostalgic because of this power also proves Yandere-chan´s words true...

Well, since she does not want to kill or hurt anyone...

"Ok, then, I´ll see what I can do" and she adds "Are you sure you don´t want to know more about the new student? Kitty Pryde?" and Amanda rolls her eyes amused.

"She´s a weeaboo, I get that, and really, she´s not a real threat. Guys don´t want to date a girl like that"

Ok, this will be fun, and no killing spree this time.

_______________________________________________________________________

Tabitha Smith is trying not to laugh at the sight of Kurt being so utterly besotted by Kitty, she tries and fails, as she´s back to Amara and Jubilee, Amanda appears near their coffee table and gives a sneer at Tabitha and leaves.

"What the fuck?" she says not happy at all and was ready to fight Amanda, but, Amara and Jubilee calmed her down. Is not worth, plus, she won´t bother Tabby again, right?

_____________________________________________________________________

"Kurt....you´re very popular" Kitty speaks impressed with her fluffy tail waving back and forth, and of course, making the others gaze at her tail in wonder, disgust and ridicule as they think she´s doing a poor form of cosplay. Kitty can deal with them, really, is nothing new for her. Especially those who think her tail is part of a poor cosplay.

Kurt, on his part, is not so happy to see people looking at her tail funny. And somehow feels as if he has double-standers. He hides his own tail, but, can truly be furious for how they treat Kitty? yes, he can. As much Kitty promised him, she really understands his reasons and asks for him to understand her own.

"Ah, well, is the accent, people love it!" Kurt jokes and Kitty chuckles and this seems nice, very nice to Kurt Wagner, until, Kitty states she has to go to her class, they have almost all classes together but this one and Kurt seems crestfallen about that.

"Ok, try not to charm too many people while I´m away. And wish me luck!"

"Good Luck, Katzchen"

_____________________________________________________________________

Amanda is the first to enter in the classroom and soon is talking with her friends about the last movie, a chick flick that won´t age well, but for now, it gives plenty to talk, and when Kitty Pryde arrives all Amanda can do is laugh.

"Are you doing cosplay? Bold of you!" Amanda said and her friends laugh too while some try to pinpoint what anime Kitty try to cosplay.

"No cosplay, I´m a mutant, my tail and ears are real," Kitty said as if this is the umpteenth time already she repeated those words. "And doing cosplay is fun, not sure why you would mock if you´re already cosplay as the biggest and dumbest bitch I ever saw in my life"

And that silence Amanda who was not happy with this news, but, the professor enter the classroom and everyone shuts up. Amanda may not think Kitty is a rival, but, she´s not obliged to be nice to such a lying girl.

Mutants have cool powers...I bet she lied to Kurt and he, being too naive, believe in her words.

[basicccbitchhh101]

A$$

REQUEST: PLEASE CAN YOU DO A FIC WHERE DEAN LOVES READERS ASS AND IT GETS ON SAMS NERVES? MAYBE SOME SMUT

WARNING: CONTAINS SEXUAL CONTENT

Dean Winchester loved you, you loved Dean Winchester. You loved everything about him, he loved everything about you. He loved your ass, and you didn’t mind it.

Dean liked to show that he loved your ass, always had one hand in your back pocket, or always grabbing or squeezing it when he could. When you was bending over to grab something or leaning across the table, you would either feel his hands all over you or his crotch pressed against it.

And quite honestly, Sam was sick of it. Always seeing Dean all over it made him sick, it was constant. Recently, Dean had latched onto this.You’d never feel embarrassed when Dean touched your ass in front of Sammy, sure a little uncomfortable but that didn’t really matter.

That night after your shower, you threw on one of Dean’s ACDC shirts and a pair of Brazilian white, lacy panties. You grabbed your hair brush and some hair ties and tied your hair up in a bun. But at that moment, your hair bands decided to snap, you lent down to pick them up. You didn’t hear Dean come into your room so it came as a surprise when you felt his erection press against your ass and his warm hands either side of your waist. Forgetting about your hair ties, you ground back against his cock, causing him to let out a groan. You stood up slowly, still grinding on him, and turnt around to capture him in a kiss. It was wild and hungry, your hands travelled to his hair, tangling themselves in it, as you pulled him closer. And his travelled down to your ass, squeezing it hard, trying to pull you up closer towards him. You jumped and he caught your legs, wrapping them round him. He gently pushed your back against the wall, never breaking the heated kiss. He removed one hand from your ass and ripped your knickers off. You made an excited sound from the back of your throat and Dean undone his jeans. He placed his cock at your entrance and slid up into your heat, making you both groan with pleasure. He fucked up into you hard and fast making you moan and scream when he hit all the right spots. You seemed to be at it for ages, but you didn’t mind. After Dean somehow managed to thrust even harder than he was you coukd feel your orgasm threatening to come.

“Faster Dean” you screamed

He picked you up and set you down on the bed, he spread your legs wider so he could move faster and he started to pound into you.

“Yes Dean, like that, faster, faster, faster, yes like that baby, yes yes yes yes” you screamed his name as you reached your climax.

Your pussy tightening around his dick once you had orgasmed sent him over the edge. He collapsed on top of you, exhausted. You were both breathing heavy from your orgasms and you could feel sleep starting to overcome you. But you were both sweaty and covered in cum so you forced him up and you both jumped in the shower. You took the soap and sponge and started to clean every inch of Dean’s body, taking care of him. Once he was all clean you grabbed the shampoo bottle and squeezed some into your hands, he leant down at this part because you weren’t tall enough to reach the top of his head. You massaged the shampoo into his scalp and rinsed the bubbles out until he was clean. He tried to return the favour but you stopped him, making quick work of cleaning yourself up.

You stepped out and grabbed a towel for you both, drying yourselves off. You re entered the bedroom and flopped face first onto the mattress, not bothering to put on any clothes. Dean came up behind you and started kissing you all the way down the back of your body, leaving hickeys in random places. He got to the top of your ass and began working his way up from your calves. He finally reached your ass and left two big hickeys on either cheek. He kissed each one and then layed down beside you, wrapping his arms around you.

The next morning you woke up, threw on the ACDC shirt from the night before and a fresh set of panties. You didn’t mind walking round like this when Sam was in the house because the shirt pretty much reached your knees. You walked into the kitchen to see Sam already sitting at the table, nursing a cup of coffee and bags under his eyes.

“Mornin Sammy”

“Mornin y/n” he replied

“What happened to you? Looks like you didn’t sleep very well?” You quizzed

“Well lets just say it was abit too...noisy to sleep” Sam said

Dean chose that moment to walk in and you both burst out laughing. He walked up behind you and hugged you, placing a kiss ontop off your head.

“Morning baby, how did you sleep?” He asked with a smirk on his face

You turned around to face him.

“Very very well” you said and rested your head on his chest. He squeezed your ass and let go.

“What do you boys want for breakfast?” You asked

“Pancakes” both boys said in unison

“Pancakes it is, Dean grab the mugs will you?”

He got up and grabbed two mugs, before setting them on the table. You had bent over to grab a pan when you felt Dean’s crotch in a similar position to last night.

“Hey Sammy” Dean called, a glint in his eyes

“DUDE!” Sam said annoyed, when he looked up to Dean. He grabbed his laptop, coffee and stormed out of the room.

“Dean, what is wrong with you?” You laughed

He just shrugged.

The pancakes were ready and Sam still hadn’t come back out so you went and retrieved him. You knocked on his door gently.

“Come in” he called

“Hey Sammy, pancakes are ready” you told him

“Thanks but I’ll eat them in here” he said

“C’mon Sam don’t be like that, He was only messing around” you have him your best puppy dog eyes (which you had learnt from him over the years)

“Fine” he said, standing up and following you back to the kitchen.

You set the plates in their places and filled each mug with the coffee you had just brewed.

“Thank you” they both said in unison again

“Welcome boys”

Dean took one bite and moaned around the pancake. He loved your cooking.

“Sounds like you last night” you said to him with a chuckle.

“Right that’s it” Sam said, he grabbed his plate and mug and stormed out of the room. Leaving you and Dean in hysterics.

Dean touching your ass kind of came often now, like an old habit. Sure it lead to sex a lot and also pissing Sammy off a lot but there was more comfort in it than anything.

Dean Winchester loved you, and you loved Dean Winchester. You loved everything about him, and he loved everything about you. Dean loved your ass, and you didn’t mind it, but Sam Winchester sure did.

Original content by @basicccbitchhh101 (me)

[covid19updater]

COVID19 Updates: 01/15/2021

ITALY: HEALTH MINISTER RICCIARDI: MEASURES TO EXTEND LOCKDOWN NECESSARY IN ITALY

UK:  One of two Brazilian coronavirus variants has been detected in the UK, a leading British virologist has said.

Canada:  Seven Quebecers test positive for COVID-19 despite first vaccination LINK

China: builds new quarantine centre as coronavirus cases rise LINK

Norway:  Norway says Covid-19 shots may be too risky for the very old and terminally sick, after 23 people died shortly after receiving a first dose LINK

RUMINT (Arizona):  Well, I can verify that the 'rona is one of those parties where the guest just won't go home.  I showed symptoms on 12/9 (positive that I got it from a patient's family member), tested positive on 12/13, was hospitalized (an absolute nightmare) on 12/18, discharged on 12/27 and finally back to work this week (less than part time). All I can say is covid is a beast. The recovery has been slow, and retrograde at times. And now that I am a month out, the shortness of breath and racing heartbeat continues, along with a new onset of headache. Other fun symptoms include blurry vision, brain fog and an unpredictable GI system. I have no doubt that there is respiratory damage and possibly some cardiac issues, but good luck getting to see a doctor in Phoenix right now. I am actually contemplating the ivermectin approach, but it is sold out everywhere. But I survived. I wasn't all that sure I was going to.

Europe:  Pfizer to deliver less COVID-19 vaccine to EU in coming weeks - Germany LINK

RUMINT (US):  Urgent and Distressing News: Both President Trump and President-Elect Biden have announced in previous days that they plan to release the full reserve of Coronavirus vaccines to increase the number of people who receive first doses instead of holding them for second doses. I am now seeing reports that there are no vaccines in reserve- they already shipped in December. The vaccine supply has already been exhausted. There is no cavalry.

RUMINT (US):  Breaking: Even shittier and more depressing news- Scientists now finding that soaking the virus in convalescent plasma is rapidly fueling and causing mutations in the virus. Implications: those that have already been infected with the virus, recovered and are then reinfected; as well as those who have received convalescent plasma treatment and then become naturally exposed to the virus are now walking virus mutation factories

New York:  Cuomo says New York is due to received 250,000 doses of vaccine next week, down from 300,000 this week. Not good, if true.

UK:  Covid: UK to close all travel corridors from Monday LINK

RUMINT (UK):  Took a 82 yr old Female in to ED yesterday with ? COVID (respiratory distress) - she had has her second dose of the Pfizer vaccine 4 days earlier!!

US:  BREAKING: CDC says UK coronavirus variant expected to become "predominant variant" in the U.S. by March, threatening strained health care resources.  CDC on UK variant: "A higher rate of transmission will lead to more cases, increasing the number of persons overall who need clinical care, exacerbating the burden on an already strained health care system, and resulting in more deaths."

World:  World may never find "patient zero" in its search for the origins of Covid-19, says WHO's Maria VanKerkhove (Especially as China stonewalls)

World:  Convalescent plasma does not reduce deaths among hospital patients, trials show. LINK

California:  COVID Outbreaks Skyrocket at SoCal Supermarkets. In Los Angeles County, public health department data shows outbreaks at food facilities, like supermarkets are up exponentially since early November. LINK

Brazil:  BOLSONARO SAYS 'I CANNOT DO ANYTHING' ABOUT COVID IN BRAZIL

US:  The death toll in the United States from COVID-19 has passed 400,000 killed by the virus

California:  About 900 bodies are currently being held at the Los Angeles Medical Examiner Coroner's Office, which usually has a capacity of 500.

Europe:  The Eurostar with its train connections under the English Channel got into massive difficulties due to the coronavirus pandemic. The French railway company SNCF, the majority shareholder, spoke on Friday of a "very critical" situation. Currently there is only one daily return trip between London and Brussels or Paris

Brazil: airlifts emergency oxygen into pandemic-struck state, vaccine drive lags LINK

World:  The set of mutations/deletions shared between P.1, B.1.1.7, and the B.1.351 lineages appear to have arisen entirely independently. Further, both mutations shared between P1 and B.1.351 seem to be associated with a rapid increase in cases in locations where previous attack rates are thought to be very high. Therefore it is essential to rapidly investigate whether there is an increased rate of re-infection in previously exposed individuals.

Italy:  ITALY'S COVID-19 SPECIAL COMMISSIONER ARCURI SAYS PFIZER HAS SAID IT IS NOT ABLE TO FORESEE FOR HOW LONG IT WILL CURTAIL VACCINE SUPPLIES AND BY HOW MUCH

North Dakota:  NEW: North Dakota Governor Burgum says mask mandate will end on Monday, capacity limits will no longer be required

[femvulvaphile]

let’s break that weird shit down, then

“We’ve been here since the beginning. I know your hate group, your little Nazi sub-sect, has this lie you like to spread that we suddenly spring into being from whole cloth in the 1970s, but that fighting all through history? WE’VE. BEEN THERE. FOR ALL OF IT.” cool but that’s literally not what I said. transwomen’s and women’s fights are inherently different. Sex-based oppression doesn’t DIRECTLY affect transwomen: you will never be shunned for menstruating, you will never be afraid of having your prepubescent vulva mutilated for the sick pleasure of a men five times your age, you will never be afraid of being impregnated against your will, or of miscarriage of a wanted child, or of all the pregnancy and birth complications who are still killing women all over the world. you will never know what it’s like to have men catcall and grope you when you’re nine years old just because your boobs already began to grow.   

"The demonization of trans women is a relatively recent invention in the grand scheme of human history and it is one that you have helped re-surge into the modern world.” that’s bullshit. the “demonization” you’re talking about can refer to one of two things: either the conservative view that transwomen are “deviant men” (which I definitely agree is shitty), or the radical feminist view that transwomen retain their male socialization and so, as a group, can represent danger to women (which is backed up by research, btw, and the amount of “receipts” in the form of news reports of transwomen hurting and murdering cis women AND in the unending threats and harassment that radfems receive online and irl).

"The idea of ASAB and tying it to gender in some inviolate and unchangeable way is something colonizing white people brought to this country, and others they invaded.” cool but that’s bullshit? pretty much every culture on earth has a history of identifying biological sex and applying sociological roles to them. that’s not a white invention, that’s not the fruit of colonialism. the concept of “gender” as behaviors and roles based on reproductive function has existed for as long as people have existed. some cultures have stricter rules about them, others are more loose. some cultures refuse to acknowledge non-conforming people as their “original gender”, and then you have things like two-spirit or hijras.

"Whether you realize it or not, and…let’s be honest, you probably do, your actions, your hate group, is just a laser-guided subsection of what fascism and white supremacy stands for.” wtf tho. fascists and white supremacists and nazi want a “pure” world without “lesser” groups, like black people, jewish people, homosexuals, gnc people. how is female-only radical feminism the same? are you aware that plenty of radical feminists are woc themselves, and even jewish? are you aware that the vast majority of people you’d call “terfs” aren’t even american, or english speakers? we literally just want men to stop fucking murdering us.

“Without colonization, without white supremacy, your argument, your constant, hammering on “male” as if to conjure some demon from the word, would mean nothing.” male violence has been a reality in human history. it’s not a theory, it’s not up to debate. it’s a fact. you know it is, according to your original post talking about men posing the most danger to transwomen. women all over the world are victims of men. it doesn’t change whether we talk about it, or use the words male, men, amab.

"I don’t mean that in the rhetorical sense, I mean literally, your words would not have a cogent basis without that.” again, bullshit. male violence is everywhere, in every culture, in every part of the world, regardless of how much contact with europen colonization the culture has had. japanese men are violent, russian men are violent, french men are violent, english men are violent, american men are violent, cuban men are violent, argentinian men are violent, brazilian men are violent. nazis didn’t invent misogyny.

“How fucking dare you invoke my dead sisters, how fucking dare you bring up that most of us getting murdered are PoC, while peddling Nazi approved propaganda.” uh. it’s “nazi approved propaganda” to say that women face violence from men and therefore need safe spaces from them? and I brought up the groups that murdered transwomen belong to because YOUR GROUP likes using them, using your so-called dead sisters, as argument points, as proof that a white middle class educated men with a dress and lipstick is somehow more oppressed than any woman on earth.

“Meanwhile, asshole,” oh cool name calling when I wrote a relatively calm and non-offensive post. “I was talking about SHARED SPACES. LGBT focused communities, the ones you are perpetually try to focus trans lesbians out of because you view us as the worst of what you already consider the worst.” yeah, maybe we wouldn’t need to do that if “lesbian” transwomen could stop demanding so much from women, or if they’d stop claiming protagonism when they don’t even experience SAME-SEX ATTRACTION, which historically has been, you know, the entire defining poing for “lgbt” people.

“You didn’t even notice it, did you? You were just launching into Pre-Written Terf Rhetoric #5 without so much as reading what I actually. Fucking. Said.” dude, you’re calling me a nazi literally just because I said women deserve female-only spaces and transwomen should create their own safe spaces away from men instead of demanding entry and protection from women.

"Your insistence that we’re “straight men” only serves to try and push us out of those communities as well." you have more in common with straight men than with lesbians, tho. you don’t experience same-sex attraction, you’re not female, you can impregnate a female lesbian (depending on transition specifics, but let’s be honest: the big problem is the transwomen who claim “there’s no need to need to transition bc my dick is a woman’s dick”), if you’re not “passing” you don’t need to fear homophobic violence from strangers.

“Jesus fuck, like did you even notice that was the fucking point? Like your shoving us aside as non-women is already fucked up but that wasn’t even the point of this particular post.” the point of your post was vilifying women who question the notion that “transwomen are exactly the same as women”. the point of your post was putting the blame on women, “terfs”, for what men do.

"The idea that men view us as also men is so beyond laughable I can’t even properly convey it.” they view you as “DEFECTIVE” men. they definitely don’t view you as women. men are violent towards you as a result of toxic masculinity - a non-conforming male is a threat to their notion of rigid male-female roles. the violence towards you is closer in motivation to the violence towards gay men, rather than the one towards women.

"But I’m just going to say: You don’t live our lives. You don’t live our experiences.” yes. just like you don’t live the lives of women. which is exactly why I said transwomen do deserve safe spaces, but not by invading female-only safe spaces.

"If you don’t know how wrong you are it’s because you’re incapable of treating our words as anything but the words of the target of your hate and thus discarded.” you’re lumping me in with nazis (I’m a latina gender-non-conforming lesbian, I’d be raped and killed by actual nazis faster than you could type “op is a terf”), refusing to actually ACKNOWLEDGE the things I said, bringing up way more arguments than the ones on your original post, and then blaming me for not being able to read your mind.

“The power you hold is that you have been aligning yourself with right-wing christian groups,” bullshit. again: women can’t even get men to stop raping us. how exactly do you think we have any power, any voice, over THE most misogynistic men on the planet?

"the power you hold is that your ilk has been speaking to audiences wherever they can find them in academia for decades,” again, bullshit. women have been in academia for, like, two years, in comparison to how long men have been dominating every public and private space.

"the power you hold is that you went into the communities that might have helped us stay alive and sowed false accusations to turn others against us,” b u l l s h i t. YOU came into OUT communities demanding we treat you as equals, when we are observably NOT equals. sex-based oppression doesn’t affect transwomen the same way it does women. men’s violence is distinctly different based on your sex.

"the power you hold is in helping, insidiously, to uphold the institutional biases that keep us marginalized, alone, and dying.” the same can be said of modern trans rights activists, tho. you’re all contributing to the strengthening of gender as a hierarchy - and not because you need to conform to survive. no, your original message (the one we can still hear from drag queens and transvestites from stonewall, for instance, that your kind likes to claim as “transwomen”) has been corrupted to the point where people look at a feminine gay boy and tell him he must be trans, he must transition, he must be a woman because he likes makeup and is attracted to men. your kind tells parents of vulnerable children that their little boys and girls will KILL THEMSELVES if they don’t take hormones as soon as possible. your group tells lesbians they need to suck dick to be proper lesbians. your group supports (and breeds) more murderers, rapists, and pedophiles than radical feminism could. your group tells women of color, lesbians, survivors of all sorts of male violence, that they’re the problem. you tell us we’re even worse than men. you tell us to die, you threaten us with rape, with baseball bats. you punch sixty year old women who dare take a picture of people trying to silence women. you rape and murder a twelve year old girl. you rape and forcibly impregnate a female trans person, and then brag about it. you support rapists and pedophiles being housed in women’s prison because of their “gender feels”. 

you tell women to shut up about their own experiences. you tell women they’re not the “right kind” of women. you tell women they’re not woman “enough”. you tell them to sacirfice themselves for yet another male.

“And yes, before you even start, I’m blocking you. I don’t debate Nazis or Nazi bootlicks.” still nowhere near being a nazi, but alright.

bonus:

“also do they just have a terf blog name generator somewhere, i swear all terf blogs read like a bunch of synonyms for vagina and spellings of rad and possibly a wolf reference or phile or fetishist, all put in a random name generator” that’s hilarious to men because I literally saved this url after I seeing an asshole claim that lesbians aren’t allowed to call themselves lesbians if they don’t suck dick, and that they’re actually vagina fetishists. the person used -phile on something, I can’t recall what, and I immediately thought “hmm, yes. I love vulvas. I’m a vulvaphile. A female vulvaphile.” 

[ezra-blue]

Week 21

Under the cut.

Last week: 144 This week: 144

Stagnation. Bleh. It was because Sunday sucked. Sorry, this post is going to be whiny and bitchy.

 My week was very typical! I got right back into my old routine after vacation super easy. I’m honestly so used to how I do my weekdays, where I manage my meals and points really well and nearly always have leftovers, that sometimes I worry about if I’ll be able to stop “dieting!” 

Then weekends happen. I let loose a little more, but while I mostly manage it, I do have issues…

I’ve gotten very used to “no thank you.” Like, a solicitor dropped off a little bag of mini Crunch Bars at my work on Friday, and despite my love of chocolate, I was able to convince myself, “No, I don’t want that, if I’m going to have a treat it’s going to be a conscientious treat and not just whatever chocolate appears before me.” I’ve gotten used to eating half of the GIGANTIC frozen yogurt at the local custard place (I ordered a kid’s size but the cup was still overflowing!) and taking the rest home and re-freezing it. I’m used to saying no to treats offered when we’re all hanging out. My problem is obligation. 

I had to go out to Father’s Day brunch with my Dad, of course, and this would have been fine, except it was an American Legion breakfast buffet. We’ve done this before, so I knew what to expect. Pancakes, bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, hash browns, butter biscuits, sausage gravy and chipped beef. No fruit. No vegetables. No tea, either, just coffee, milk, and orange juice. You have to remember, my usual breakfast incorporates fruits and vegetables! Sunday is our pancake day, I’ll make pancakes, but instead of butter and syrup, I’ll top them with chopped strawberries or blueberries! Plus, I make lighter versions of things! But here I am, I have to eat, they paid for me. I had a banana before I took my morning walk, but that’s not a substantial breakfast, so I wanted to eat a little. I got one biscuit and two sausages, figuring I could make a little sandwich and be happy. My husband looks at my plate and says, “That’s not enough.” I didn’t want more, but he basically made me feel compelled to take something else. I got some hash browns. I figured potatoes were at least fibrous, you know? However, then I was given a mimosa for toasting. I only drank a little, then had OJ. Loaded with sugar. *sigh* I consumed more than half of my daily allowance at this breakfast. I didn’t want to do this. I don’t know how to deal with these sorts of obligatory things, when someone wants to eat at a certain place and I don’t have the right to object, and when I’m expected to eat.

See, I probably did well, but then I had one heavy meal still on me that reflected badly on the weigh-in. My weight loss doesn’t count if I can’t maintain it over the weekend. I keep hearing, “Don’t be so hard on yourself! Let loose a little!” Even my mother said she would have been in disbelief if I hadn’t had ice cream while I was on vacation. That’s not how lifestyle adjustments work. 

Worse, my friend’s birthday is soon, and she wants to go to Fogo de Chao for lunch, which is a Brazilian meat buffet. MEAT. BUFFET. Probably grilled and oily and greasy and I’ll be expected to eat, especially if I’m paying for it, Christ, I don’t want this! Last time I want to one of these places I lost count of what I was eating and made myself sick and couldn’t eat for two days. There is a lunch salad buffet, which I could definitely make work, but the question is if my friends will balk at me not wanting to eat meat until I feel sick. I don’t do peer pressure well.

I admit I’m stressing a little about the potential job change. Not just because new job, life adjustment, “what if I’m terrible at this” anxiety (though those are all factors), but also because my current job does allow me the flexibility I need to handle my exercise needs. I’m allowed to step away from my desk for half an hour to take a walk around the area near my office (as long as I’m not swamped with work), but what if the new place isn’t as flexible? I mean, I’d hope I’d still be allowed to take a half hour break outside of the office, especially if I eat at my desk, but what if that’s not okay? I guess I could try to work in the extra exercise after work, but I’m tired after work. I don’t know. It concerns me. This doesn’t even go into my bi-weekly allergy shots, oh man, I’m going to have to negotiate that too… ._. no point in getting all anxious about it unless it actually happens, I guess…

I know I’ll recover from this. I’m moping a little now because I get discouraged way too easily, but it just sucks. I maintained my 30-pound loss, at least, but I don’t want to get stuck here. I’ll just keep persevering. There’s not much else I can do.

[blessedjef]

I’m calling it right now. Change

This one is gonna be a little different from my other ones so bear with me. 

I’ve talked about change a lot.  “I want to change __” “I am going to make a change” “Starting today change is gonna happen”

It’s super easy to say that you’re going to change, but actions over words right? Have I really changed at all? I personally don’t think so. I dunno but lately I’ve really been feeling something pulling at me. It’s been in my head and in my heart for a while. I’ve been telling myself I’m going to change day in and day out, but when the final moment comes for the actual change, I choke and say that I’m just gonna start tomorrow. 

This week at CFR, my first time going since November, Felipe was speaking. He spoke about change, following God’s path and taking the narrow road instead of the easy wide one, and how we should fear God because of the awesome things he can do in life. He’s been on fire for the Lord lately and it’s been having a pretty strong impact right now. Like he’s so full of life, and I want to become full of life. I feel like I’ve been stagnant  — unable to move forward or make progress. It’s been weighing on my mind a lot as of late, and I decided that this is the final straw. Or time, or whatever you want to call it. I’m sick of myself. I’m sick of who I am at this moment. There’s so many things that I want but I keep holding myself back and it’s killing me on the inside. I want to grow, move forward, become a better man of God. That’s why I am really making an effort to really try and change this time. After listening to Fe speak this past Tuesday, I decided that I am going to make that change. Silently though. As Felipe spoke, he was speaking with so much passion and emotion for everyone in the room. He really wants us to grow in our faith. He doesn’t want us to be luke-warm Christians, or just the fact that we can really become disciples of God. But his biggest point was that anyone and everyone can change  — it’s just that no one does it. Why though? Judging off of past experience, change only occurs when a huge mistake happens in your life, someone dies, or a “life changing event” happens in your life. I want to know, 

Is it possible to want to change so badly that it will actually happen? 

People say it’s so simple to make change happen. Just stop doing your bad habits and “will” yourself to become better. I don’t think that’s possible. I know that to get through this, I have to fully trust in the Lord, and make the actually decision that I am going down that narrow path, letting him guide the way.  I know people read this, but this is really just for me tonight. I am making my own statement personally that I am going to change. This is for myself. This is so that I can have a better life. A life guided by God, not one that I am guiding. I feel like God’s given me opportunities and gifts, but I haven’t been using them at all. He’s given me a smart brain which I have gotten rid of because I was scared and angry with. I have been given the gift to lead, to be able to connect with people, athletic ability —  I have been given God’s grace. 

Examples:

1. I was driving Felipe to our indoor soccer game and he poured out the word of God to me, stating how Christians should judge, but to each other so that we can keep each other accountable. How else are we supposed to learn?  “I want to be like that. I want to be passionate about God’s grace. To have my words be filled with the Holy Spirit.”

2. I already explained this one above about how Felipe was speaking at CFR. His words really stuck to me and I felt a strong urge to follow what he was saying. I was super quiet during the small group and the message because I was just absorbing everything that he was saying. I also guilt because I was exactly the person that he was talking about. I am/was a luke-warm Christian - not making a change and just living life.  “That person he’s talking about is me. Damn Brandon, pull yourself together. You know who you are. You know what you can become. You can change. How badly do you want it? How badly do you want to change? You know you want to become stronger in your faith, gain more knowledge, live a better life. Go out and do it.”

3. We played volleyball at THPRD this Friday. I think it’s going to become a weekly thing for now on. It’s really fun to play with Jung, Nathan, Isaac, Amsilley, Rebekah, Rio, and Anmei. As we were playing around, Felipe attempted to serve the ball and he re-dislocated his shoulder. He cried out and held it, asking for help. No one knew what to do, and neither did I, but no one was moving and I was the first one over to him. I helped him put in his re-dislocated shoulder and later took him home. I felt super bad because he watched us play for 2 hours in pain and I have no idea why he didn’t ask for one of us to take him home, but he waited until we finished. So as everyone else went to Old Chicago, I took him home so he could rest. In the car, he vented his rage at himself for a little while, and talked a little about how he should have been smarter. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I told him that he was really making a change in people’s lives and that he was being really cool cause of how he was speaking life into other people. Of course, he didn’t believe it, but I can’t tell him that the person he’s changing is me. I want to first change, then tell him that he was a strong catalyst in the change. I hope I can tell him that some day.  *in the car* “Man Felipe, why did you have to re-dislocate your shoulder? Why you? You’re doing amazing things and it’s just not fair that it’s your that has to be going through this. I almost wish that it should happen to me because I feel like I deserve that more than you do. Man Felipe, even though you don’t know it, you’re making a huge impact on my life. I want to be able to tell you, but I can’t.”

aww dang it i’m crying now because I’m writing from my heart. But really Felipe’s so strong. He’s getting pushed and torn in all directions but he only has his eyes on God. But Fe’s changed my life so much. When I first met him I could feel God’s presence radiating from him. He’s always been kind, and he’s pushed me farther than any other friend has because he cares. And he does that for everyone. But honestly he’s pushed me so fking hard and made me into a better person I don’t know what I’d do without him. Felipe speaks life to me every day. If there’s something wrong, he’ll say it straight to my face. From day one he’s given me the hardest spiritual thoughts that I have ever come across, which still make me think to this day. Fe pushed me to finish my college apps, and without his support and constant nagging to do it, I don’t know if I would have done it. He’s always informed me about scholarship opportunities, and even when I didn’t want to do them, he constantly told me to complete it. Even at DECA when I wanted to quit working on a scholarship that he’d found that day, he told me continue doing it because that’s what I needed to do. Ya know, you really got to hear that from someone sometimes. He never says it in a mean tone or anything either. But it’s not just me. He cares about everyone. I think the real day that he started to increasingly change was when the airplane crash killed the Brazilian soccer team. He was sad for like one or two weeks. and I mean not just sad, but like devastated. After that, he began to speak even more life, constantly wondering about standing before God, and what our life really means. I think that Felipe has found his meaning, his purpose, what he’s working towards. I’m thankful for the friend who will just ask about the little things. When I go on a trip, or have had a cool experience, he asks how it went and wants to genuinely hear about it. I wish I could talk to Nate or Jung about those things, but they never bother to ask, which makes me a little sad on the inside. Like when I went to Japan and came back, basically everyone acted like nothing happened, which for them it didn’t. But for me I wanted to share it with the world! With Fe, I was able to really let myself out and share all my thoughts because he was genuinely curious. 

All in all, I want to change. I’m going to change. Thanks Fe for being in my life. I just really hope that I don’t forget anything or lose my memories. I’ve watched 2 movies this week that had Amnesia in it, so it’s pretty sketch not gonna lie. I don’t want to forget the people in my life, the good moments, the bad experiences, and especially the feelings and thoughts that I have. Who I am now and who I was 5 years ago was totally different. I have a little recognition of the past me, but not too much, like the morals and personality(to an extent) and stuff. I want to get it all down. I want to remember. I want to change. 

Btw 君の名は(kimi no na ha(wa)) is like top 3 movies I’ve ever watched. The feelings, memories, thoughts going through my mind. Just like. wow. 

10:59PM 2/25/17   (actually Saturday)

~

[swedishroyallove]

Chapter 29

December 10, 2014: Stockholm Palace:

Isak is finishing up getting ready for the Nobel Prize ceremony. He wishes Lucy could be here with him. If their engagement was announced and her mother was in good health, she could. Unfortunately, neither of those were likely this year. He keeps reminding himself not to slip up to his father just yet. 

The ceremony goes off without a hitch. Isak then travels to Haga Palace to spend the night with his sister and her family. He doesn’t want to be in the Palace tonight without Lucy. 

December 23, 2014: Drottningholm Palace:

The entire family is gathered at Drottningholm to celebrate Silvia’s birthday. They enjoy a wonderful meal complete with birthday cake. They then attend the Christmas concert in the Palace Theatre. 

Afterward, Isak makes a phone call to Lucy. 

She answers, “Bonjour mi amour” 

“Hej min kärlek, “ he responds. 

“Luckily you’ve said ‘hello my love’ in Swedish so many times I’ve mastered the meaning,” she says.  He laughs, “I can say the same thing about you with French.”

“Ah, touche.” 

“So, how’s your mom? How are you handling it?”

Lucy, who is a bit choked up, says, “She’s fair. She’s getting choked a bit more often. I don’t care what that doctor says. She doesn’t have ALS. She just doesn’t!”

“Babe, the doctors aren’t going to tell you all that if they don’t think it’s true.”

“Isak, you don’t get it,” Lucy says as she starts bawling, “She’s my mother. She’s my rock! She can’t be sick with this, Isak! This is deadly. I don’t want to lose my Momma. I can’t lose her. I’d give up everything for her to have something curable. WHY, WHY!? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO HER?! She’s a wonderful, kindhearted woman. IT’S NOT FAIR!!!!”

“I know, Lucy. I can’t imagine. Maybe she doesn’t have it. Wait for the other tests. If your instinct tells you she doesn’t have it, maybe she doesn’t. But honey, you can’t deny it’s a possibility. It’s not good for you, her or the rest of your family.”

“I just refuse to believe it. But I’m determined. We all are to have the most wonderful Christmas. My grandpa is in from Quebec, and my cousin and her family came from Pennsylvania.”

“You are going to enjoy it. Take lots of pictures. Stay strong. You know I love you. I’m going to go since it’s so late here. Just know I’m a call away. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

With that, they hang up. Isak goes to bed worrying tremendously about Lucy and Ann. He’s afraid this will be the last Christmas for them. He hopes they can stay close and support each other. He prays for God to give them strength and for the disease to be something curable.

Lucy goes to enjoy time with her family. Deep down she knows to take it all in. Time is so very short, and it’s breaking her. 

December 26, 2014: Stockholm

The family gathers at Haga Palace for a nice lunch. Lucy, Madeleine, Victoria, Silvia, and Sofia are discussing wedding plans. The men are enjoying talking about sports. Carl Philip is glad to talk about racing and soccer. He’s excited for the wedding, but he’s tired of all the planning. 

“We want to make is slightly more modern,” Sofia says. 

“I think that will be lovely,” Lucy says. 

Madeleine smiles, “Just think, we are soon going to be planning your wedding!”

Everyone stops. Carl Gustaf drops his fork on his plate. Madeleine realizes she’s screwed up. 

“What do you mean, Madeleine?” Carl Gustaf asks, “They aren’t even engaged. You shouldn’t pressure them.”

There’s an awkward silence. The King looks around the table and sees their reactions. 

“Isak. Do you have something to tell me?” Carl Gustaf asks while raising his voice slightly. 

“Um, well yes Papa. I do. When I went to Tennessee in October for Lucy’s birthday, I proposed, and she said yes.”

Carl Gustaf remains silent and gets up to walk out of the room. He then closes the door rather forcefully. Madeleine begins apologizing profusely, “I am SO, SO sorry! I didn’t mean to blab it out. I just get so excited about weddings. I’d remarry Chris to get to re-plan the wedding. Wouldn’t you, honey?” 

She then looks to Chris who says, “Uh well no not really. Sorry sweetheart. I love you more than life itself, but I don’t want to go through another wedding.”

Madeleine rolls her eyes and says, “MEN!”

After this, Silvia gets up to find her husband. 

Silvia goes into the sitting room and finds Carl Gustaf just staring out the window. “Carl Gustaf, honey, we need to talk.”

He turns, and she can see a mix of anger and hurt in his eyes. “What’s there to talk about Silvia? He blatantly disobeyed me and didn’t follow protocol!! I’m not only the King, but I’m his father! He should tell me these things.”

“I agree that he should have told you.”

“I will NOT allow this wedding to take place! After he hid it knowing my reservations about her being an American princess. A Swedish girl would understand the country and duty.”

Silvia gets irritated with this statement, “You are the biggest hypocrite!”

“What do you mean that I’m a hypocrite?”

“Well for starters, you married me. I’m not Swedish. I’m half Brazilian and half German. So that argument is null. Unless of course, you are trying to say that I don’t get the duty and country!”

“What? No, Silvia, darling. It’s not the same. You get it. You were different. It’s not the same thing!”

“Carl Gustaf, this is the same EXACT thing as this. And to be honest, you are NO better than your grandfather. You are JUST like him forbidding your son to marry the woman he loves!”

With that Silvia storms out of the room to go back to her children. 

[cryptodictation]

Analysts call for quicker measures to deal with the crisis

(photo: Marcello Casal Jr / Agencia Brasil)

Economy Minister Paulo Guedes estimates that measures to deal with the health and economic crisis caused by the coronavirus will inject R $ 750 billion into the Brazilian economy in the next three or four months. The amount represents 2.6% of the national Gross Domestic Product (GDP) and shows that the “government reacts at a high speed to all this”, according to Guedes. Not everyone, however, agrees with this. Analysts and entrepreneurs say that this disbursement could be greater and, above all, faster. After all, part of the measures announced by the government has not yet entered into force (see below).

“From the point of view of the deficit, we are spending more than any country in Latin America,” said Paulo Guedes yesterday at a press conference held by Palcio do Planalto on measures to combat Covid-19, citing as an example of these measures the payment monthly payment of R $ 600 to informal workers and the anticipation of the 13th salary of retirees and pensioners. “Brazil's deficit structure, which was 2.6%, is already at 5.2% of GDP and will continue to rise. President Bolsonaro will not leave any Brazilian behind. All the necessary resources for the defense of health and jobs of Brazilians will be mobilized “, added Guedes, promising to publish at any time the provisional measure that will allow the suspension of employment contracts and the reducing the burden on formal workers during the pandemic.

Analysts and entrepreneurs heard by post officeHowever, they say that the measures are positive, but they will only have an effect if they are implemented more quickly. that some measures announced as a “help” to Brazilian workers and companies have not yet entered into force. The payment of R $ 600 to informal workers, for example, should only start on April 16. The payroll financing of small and medium-sized companies also depends on the publication of a provisional measure and, therefore, it should only start to take effect in about ten days – already in the limit of the April payroll. And the publication of the provisional measure that will allow the suspension of the employment contract promised more than a week ago.

“The correct direction, but time is not. Proof of this is that, in the face of all this crisis, the government will take 15 days to pay the beneficiaries of Bolsa Famlia “, affirmed the secretary general of the Associação Contas Abertas, Gil Castello Branco, classifying as” worrying about this bureaucracy and slowness “.” Hunger does not wait. So, if there is no more speed, Brazil can go into social upheaval “, he said.

Chief strategist at ModalMais, Felipe Sichel said that the feeling was similar in part of the Brazilian business community. “The government has announced good measures, but it could implement them more quickly,” he said, explaining that this delay could cost many people the job. “Large companies that have good cash can wait. But small ones, which do not have so much cash, will have to start reducing costs. And, since payroll is the main cost of these companies, there may be cuts,” he said.

President of Abrasel, Paulo Solmucci acknowledged this problem and revealed that, as a result, 100 thousand layoffs have already been carried out in the sector of bars and restaurants in the last 15 days. “Credit lines are essential, but micro and small companies inform us that money is not enough, that the process of obtaining credit is still very bureaucratic”, added the president of Sebrae, Carlos Melles.

The pace of payment for informals was also criticized by the president of the Chamber, Rodrigo Maia (DEM-RJ), who made Guedes refute criticisms. “Economic measures are advancing, but they go to the Civil House, to the president, the CGU, the AGU. A bureaucratic rite that follows, because we are dealing with public resources”, countered the minister, guaranteeing that the government knows that “any calamitous delay”, “wants to implement this as quickly as possible” and is therefore reacting “at high speed to all of this”.

See the measures already announced by the government

Job:

– MP 927 allowed companies to telework employees, anticipate individual holidays, grant collective holidays, anticipate non-religious holidays and expand the hour bank. It is already in effect.

– Another MP must allow the temporary suspension of the employment contract or the reduction of the civilian burden and income of workers during the pandemic. In the case of suspension of the contract, the worker is entitled to 100% of unemployment insurance. The reduction in salary may be 25%, 50% or 70%. In this case, the worker receives the same amount of unemployment insurance as compensation. The government promises to publish the MP “at any time”.

– The government announced a credit of R $ 40 billion, with subsidized interest, for small and medium-sized companies to pay employees' salaries. The line will be in effect for two months and will cover up to two minimum wages (R $ 2,090) per employee. It depends on the publication of a provisional measure, which should be released in 10 days, according to the government.

Social and labor benefits:

– The government will pay an emergency aid of R $ 600 / month to informal workers, self-employed workers and individual micro-entrepreneurs. The payment system for this benefit, however, is still being prepared. Therefore, the deposit should only start in the second half of April.

– Approximately 1.2 million families will be incorporated into the Bolsa Família in April. With this, the program will start to serve more than 14 million families. MP 929 released the R $ 3 billion needed for expansion, but the payment should follow the Bolsa Família schedule, which starts on the 16th.

– The payment of the 13th salary of INSS retirees and pensioners will be brought forward to April (first installment) and May (second installment). MP 927 allowed for the advance, but the payment will be in April and May.

– The payment of the salary bonus is anticipated to June. A Codefat resolution must regulate anticipation.

– Proof of life and annual re-registration of retirees, pensioners and civilian amnesties were suspended for 120 days to avoid agglomerations at the INSS branches. The suspension was regulated by Administrative Rule 373 of the INSS and is in effect.

– The medical expertise required for the granting of BPC and sickness benefits has also been temporarily suspended. Those interested in receiving the benefits must send the medical exams through the INSS application. The bill that will allow this has not yet been sanctioned, despite the fact that the INSS agencies are already working only on a plantation basis.

New features:

– The government promised to transfer the R $ 20 billion that were not withdrawn from PIS / Pasep to the Guarantee Fund for Time of Service (FGTS) to allow new withdrawals from FGTS. The interim measure has not yet been published.

Deferral of charges:

– Companies and domestic employers can suspend the payment of the Time of Service Guarantee Fund (FGTS) for three months. The possibility was regulated by Caixa Circular 897 and is in effect.

– Companies may suspend for three months the payment of the portion referring to the portion of the Union in the Simples. The possibility was regulated by Resolution No. 152 of the CGSN and is in force.

– Debt collection with Unio was suspended for 90 days. As a result, payments like those at Refis can be postponed for three months without penalty. The possibility was regulated by Ordinance No. 103 of the Ministry of Economy and is in force.

Credit:

– Caixa Econmica allowed the suspension of the payment of installments of real estate financing and loans. The measure is valid for 90 days, but can be extended if the coronavirus pandemic lasts longer than expected. It is in force and can be requested through the bank's digital channels.

– Caixa reduced interest on overdraft and revolving credit cards to 2.9% per month. According to Caixa, the new rate goes into effect today.

– The interest rate on the payroll loan for retirees and INSS pensioners was reduced from 2.08% to 1.80% per month, while the rate for the credit card went from 3% to 2.70% per month. Reduction was regulated by CNPS Resolution No. 1338 and is in effect.

– Caixa increased the offer of credit for working capital, purchase of portfolios, agricultural credit and financing to holy houses by R $ 111 billion. Resource is already available.

– BNDES allowed the temporary suspension of payment of installments of financing made by companies. It is in effect.

– BNDES increased the supply of credit to micro, small and medium-sized companies by R $ 5 billion through partner banks. It is in effect.

– The Central Bank reduced banks' leverage and provisioning requirements to release liquidity to the financial system. Possibility was regulated by decrees 4782 and 4783 of the BC and is in effect.

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[cutemonstercare]

6 Reasons Why Tarantulas Should Not Eat Mice

In the wild, tarantulas can have a varied diet with some of the larger species eating frogs, lizards, mice, and even one eating a snake has been photographed.

However, if you keep a tarantula as a pet, you have to ask what the best food for them is now that they don’t have to worry about catching their prey in the wild.

Can And Should Tarantulas Eat Mice?

Some tarantulas can and will eat mice even in the wild, but it’s mostly considered a bad idea to feed a tarantula a large mouse or a live mouse. However, thawed pinkies (baby mice) are mostly thought to be alright as a treat every now and then for the larger species of tarantulas.

Although there is a myth still going around (and quite often quoted) that the calcium from a mouse’s bones is extremely bad for a tarantula, this is untrue. There are various other reasons why you wouldn’t want to give your tarantula a mouse to eat and we’ll discuss these below.

1. Your Species Of Tarantula Is Too Small To Eat Mice

Although all tarantulas are large, not all of them are large enough to eat prey as large as mice. Some of the tarantulas that are able to eat mice (including pinkies) include:

Curly Hair Tarantula (Brachypelma albopilosum)

Goliath Bird Eater (Theraphosa blondi)

Burgundy Goliath Bird Eater (Theraphosa stirmi)

Brazilian Salmon-Pink Bird Eater (Lasidora parahybana)

King Baboon Spider (Pelinobius muticus)

As you can see, these tarantulas that can eat mice are also mostly those that are more aggressive.

2. Mice Can Bite And Kill Tarantulas

Another reason why you may not want to feed your tarantula a mouse is that mice are able to bite, injure or kill tarantulas. Just as snake owners are warned against feeding their pets live mice, you should also think twice before giving your tarantula a live mouse to eat.

Remember that mice will fight back if they are corners and their lives are in danger. You won’t find a mouse that is easily caught unless it is old and/or sick (which is a whole other ball game and set of problems).

Vets are also (overall) not knowledgeable on treating exotic pets like spiders and anything that goes wrong with your tarantula would need you to take care of.

Getting your tarantula injured in a way that was completely avoidable is not a good thing at all and may lead to your tarantula’s death.

3. It Is Cruel And Inhumane To The Mouse

Besides being a threat to your tarantula, feeding a live mouse to your tarantula is also cruel, as they take a long time to die after being bitten. They can also scream for quite some time after being bitten as the tarantula’s poison takes effect.

Crickets and worms, on the other hand, are killed practically instantly by tarantulas and are not left to suffer such a slow and agonizing death.

The video below shows how a tarantula eats a mouse. Warning, this video shows the natural brutality of this process. It may be disturbing to some viewers. If you don’t want to see it just scroll to the next point – the video will not start by itself, don’t worry.

4. Tarantulas Don’t Need Vertebrates Like Mice In Their Diet To Be Healthy

Even in the wild, mice, frogs, and the like are mostly occasional prey and not the norm. Rather give your tarantula a well-rounded diet by feeding them a variety of properly gut-loaded crickets and superworms.

5. Live Mice Can Carry Diseases

Live mice — unlike their frozen counterparts — may carry various diseases that can make your tarantula ill. If you do decide to feed your Bird Eater a pinky mouse, make sure that it’s a frozen mouse. (Scroll down to see how you can safely thaw a frozen mouse.)

6. The Tarantula Won’t Finish The Mouse … And You’ll Have To Clean Up The Mess

It’s one thing to not be squeamish of a spider, but quite another to clean up half-eaten (and half-liquefied) mouse remains if your tarantula can’t eat the whole meal that you’ve given her.

Even a large spider, when given a large mouse to eat, won’t be able to finish the whole mouse and you’ll be stuck the next day cleaning putrid-smelling half-digested mouse from your tarantula’s tank.

Of course, this is compounded if you have an arboreal spider or spider that needs high humidity to thrive, as bacteria also need a warm and humid environment to multiply.

Your tarantula tank can all too soon become a breeding ground for germs that can not only have a negative impact on your tarantula but can also make you sick.

Pinky mice, on the other hand, are small enough to be eaten and digested by the larger tarantula species and shouldn’t pose much of a problem in terms of leaving a lot of remains behind to be cleaned up afterward.

When Not To Feed Your Tarantula A Mouse

You shouldn’t feed your tarantula a mouse if they are still a young, and therefore small, specimen. The prey may just prove to be too much for them.

Rather wait until they are adults before starting to feed them mice. This is a good rule of thumb even if you have one of the Bird Eaters (Theraphosa).

If you do decide to feed your tarantula a mouse, be sure not to feed it this large meal just before or just after they molt.

It’s a good rule of thumb to wait a week after your tarantula molts before feeding them any type of food as their fangs also still need to harden and eating too soon may damage them. (Some tarantula species can take weeks after molting before they start to feed again as well.)

You should also not feed your tarantula mice if they are overweight as such a big meal may only exacerbate the problem. Rather leave the mouse-treats for later!

Tarantula eating a roach

What Kind Of Mouse To Feed Your Tarantula

If you do choose to feed your tarantula a mouse, it can be difficult to know which of the mice that are available can be safely fed to them. The best “type” of mice to feed your tarantula is the so-called “pinkies”, “pinkie mice” or “pinky mice”.

Pinky mice are newborn mice that are only a few days old. They do not yet have fur and their skin looks wholly pink, which is where the “pinky” name comes from.

Although some tarantula keepers give their tarantulas pinky rats, you should only feed these to the very largest of the tarantula species, like the Goliath Bird Eaters.

If you give your tarantula a frozen pinky mouse, be sure to thaw it first before giving it to them as they can damage their fangs on the frozen pinky.

How To Thaw A Pinky Mouse

Thawing a pinky mouse is easy and relatively fast. A word of warning, though, rather leave your microwave out of this one. Not only could your microwave start cooking the flesh, but it could also cause harmful bacteria to start growing in the pinky.

Place the pinky in a sealable plastic bag like a sandwich ziplock bag. Seal it thoroughly.

Place the bag with the mouse in a container of hot — not boiling — water. You only want to thaw the pinky, not cook it!

Leave the bag in the hot water for 10 to 15 minutes. When the pinky is soft, you know that it has been thawed completely.

If the pinky is still very cold to the touch, leave it in the water a few minutes longer.

The pinky is now ready to be fed to your tarantula.

Note! It’s important to discard the mouse if your tarantula doesn’t want to eat it. Basically, treat it as you would meat that you yourself would eat; once thawed, don’t re-freeze.

The main reason for this is that bacteria could be growing in and on the mouse that can harm your tarantula if you try and feed it the same mouse later.

How Often Should You Feed Your Tarantula A Mouse?

You shouldn’t feed your tarantula mice as a rule, as their natural diet does consist of insects as well as other prey like frogs or lizards (in the case of the larger tarantula species).

However, feeding your tarantula a pinky mouse about a week or two after they’ve molted can help to improve their overall health and help them regain some of the fluid and weight that they’ve lost while fasting for their molt.

If your tarantula isn’t interested in eating the pinky, rather keep them on a diet of insects that you’ve gut-fed properly.

Summary

As you can see, it is possible to feed your tarantula mice if they are one of the large species like the Goliath Bird Eater or King Baboon Spider.

However, care must be taken to feed your tarantula only thawed (dead) pinky mice and not live mice at all. Not only is feeding live mice inhumane, but they can also injure and kill your tarantula.

In the end, though, it is completely up to you if you feel comfortable feeding the pinky mice to your tarantula or not. It also then depends on whether your tarantula wants to eat the mouse, as various tarantula owners have said that their tarantulas don’t care for them.

So, if you’re comfortable with it, you can feed your Bird Eater or Curly Hair a pinky every now and then as a treat.

[torentialtribute]

Can Barcelona REALLY afford Neymar after signing Antoine Griezmann?

There are some impressive pitch images on the pages of the sports newspapers this week. Under the heading & # 39; Neymar and Griezmann would fit & # 39; had Sport Journal Luis Suarez center front, for a row of three, reading from right to left Griezmann, Messi Neymar

There was no trace of Ousmane Dembele, those two months ago it had cost £ £ 150.5 million in Barcelona. And there was no trace of Philippe Coutinho who withdrew them six months later to another £ 142 million.

More than a mistake, both should probably be sold if Neymar really needs to be re-signed.

<img id = "i-8962d1d21d317a4e" src = "https://ift.tt/2YfrswJ image-a-1_1561577328606.jpg "height =" 450 "width =" 634 "alt =" Brazilian star Neymar is pushing for a move to Barcelona from Paris Saint-Germain this summer "

Brazilian star Neymar calls for a move to Barcelona from Paris Saint-Germain this summer

<img id = "i-3046d229e84b3624" src = "https://ift.tt/2NyDsEw /1s/2019/06/26/20/15294628-7185235-Those_close_to_Neymar_are_keeping_their_man_on_the_front_page_of-m-10_1561577536253.jpg "height =" 755 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-3046d229erb" https: https://6gd249erbb https://sgb.ph //i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2019/06/26/20/15294628-7185235-Those_close_to_Neymar_are_keeping_their_man_on_the_front_page_of-m-10_1561577536253.jpg "height =" 755 "width =" 634 "alt =" Those close to Neymar keep their man on the front page of the Cata lan sport papers

Those close to Neymar keep their husbands on the front page of the Catalan sport papers on the front page of the Catalan sport papers

Barcelona has the advisers of Dembele already face to

But since Barcelona and Dembele both know all too well, everything is fair in the love, war and summer transfer markets – what was true in June may not be true in August.

For the moment Barcelona still says very little. They are those who are close to Neymar and who provide daily information, with their husbands on the front page of those Catalan sports newspapers.

The Barcelona position contains three points: they certainly never intended to go to Neymar this summer, they would find it extremely difficult to do something for him financially, and if they could find a way, the board is still not united in the belief that that would be a good idea.

]

<img id = "i-49ab0964fa41276d" src = "https://ift.tt/31WUGCE -image-a-3_1561577411363.jpg "height =" 439 "width =" 634 "alt =" <img id = "i-49ab0964fa41276d" src = "https://ift.tt/2CqCUN8 06/26/20 / 15294678-7185235-image-a-3_1561577411363.jpg "height =" 439 "width =" 634 "alt =" Barcelona is expected to officially reveal Antoine Griezmann as their last signature "class =" blkBorder img -share "Griezmann as their last signature

But no-one you closed the door, not privately and much less publicly. This is partly because Barcelona would be of little use to officially express itself The relationships between them are still very bad between themselves and Paris Saint-Germain – there have been no players between the clubs since Neymar – and an explanation would only calm the situation in Paris.

Ge in part it is also because the idea of ​​Neymar's return is a fascination for some of the Barcelona fans – the global part where they are obsessed to stay happy – and that has been enough to sow doubts in the boardroom – really be like that? the poison cup, or could it be a coup instead? Anyway, it costs them money that they don't have at the moment.

When Barcelona bought Coutinho, they paid Liverpool € 50 million as the first installment. When they signed Dembel, they paid Dortmund € 70 million as the first part, PSG would not be accommodating like Liverpool and Dortmund. When they signed Neymar in 2017, they had to deposit € 222 million to activate their release clause.

<img id = "i-bcab0c64a6f27530" src = "https://ift.tt/2YfrtAN -7185235-image-a-4_1561577414434.jpg "height =" 442 "width =" 634 "alt =" Barcelona reassured the advisers of Ousmane Dembele that he will not be sold "the reassurance that he will not be sold"

Barcelona reassured Ousmane Dembele & # 39; s advisers that he did not intend to sell

<img id = "i-4b2105d2e5c3317b" src = "https://ift.tt/31XBrcn" height = "423" width = "634" alt = "<img id = "i-4b2105d2e5c3317b" src = "https://ift.tt/31XBrcn" height = "423" width = "634" alt = "<img id =" i-4b2105d2e5c3317b "src =" https://ift.tt/2Yh7xxl .jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 63 4 "alt =" But the Frenchman and Philippe Coutinho may have been sold to finance every move for Neymar the Frenchman and Philippe Coutinho may have been sold to finance every move for Neymar "

But the Frenchman and Philippe Coutinho may have been sold to fund any amount move for Neymar

& # 39; Le Parisien & # 39; has already argued that PSG will demand € 300 million for Neymar. Real Madrid has always understood that Neymar had a clause in its contract that allowed him to leave for € 222 million after his second season.

They have already complained about the asking price and wage demands of Ajax defender Matthijs De Ligt and last summer they failed to get Griezmann because Atletico Madrid prepared to pay him a net € 23m for the season and they wanted bring him closer to € 13 million.

The transfer kit will be dry and the bill will be pressurized again under the self-imposed financial regulations that the club is not allowed to, for some sustained period, let it exceed 70% of the income.

The solution, if the club decides that pursuing Neymar makes sense, is to sell. And while the likes of Ivan Rakitic and Samuel Umtiti have been mentioned – and Rakitic was a PSG target last summer – it is those Coutinho and Dembele record plates that should go further.

<img id = "i-8ab0dbfdfea4897" src = "https://ift.tt/325XeyC image-a-5_1561577417095.jpg "height =" 409 "width =" 634 "alt =" & # 39; Nobody knows what will happen & # 39 ;, the former Liverpool star admitted earlier this week

& # 39; Nobody knows what will happen & # 39 ;, the first is what will happen & # 39 ;, said the former Liverpool star earlier this week & # 39; Liverpool star admitted earlier this week

Coutinho said this week: & No one knows what is going to happen.

It was just an unequivocal commitment to stay and 60 percent of PSG supporters said they would welcome him in a recent fan of the French football fan – that is much higher than his credit rating currently in Barcelona.

But PSG probably won't accept Coutinho plus € 100 million for Neymar, as this week became optimistic suggested, could be the code that would open the vault.

Dembele would probably also have been sold and for his own good, because if Griezmann, Suarez, Neymar and Messi could all be in the same direction in theory, Dembele would certainly be one too many ballers.

However, his sale would upset the people in Barcelona, ​​who are already concerned about the aging team. The team would lose a 22-year-old to a 27-year-old. They should also move quickly and the English market should close once the Premier League season starts.

<img id = "i-b640fd2444fa886" src = "https://ift.tt/2YfrvIV -7185235-image-a-6_1561577420123.jpg "height =" 423 "width =" 634 "alt =" Neymar became & # 39; the world's most expensive player when I signed for PSG in 2017 "class =" blkBorder img-share "

Neymar became & # 39; the world's most expensive player when I signed for PSG in 2017

Neymar can play its role in lowering its price. PSG will be in training again on 8 July. Nasser Al-Khelaifi to sell.

He also has the ability to come out and say in public & # 39; I want to move to Barcelona & # 39 ;. And it's not too late for him to be portrayed in Brazil with Lionel Messi, who is there for the Copa America.

Those close to the club and the Argentine insist that he ask the board to sign Neymar is enormously exaggerated.

Viewing all this remotely is Barcelona trainer Ernesto Valverde. His husband is Griezmann. I wanted the club to sign it two years ago.

This article is licensed under the GNU License for Free Documentation and used material from the Wikipedia article "

<img id =" i-9b30b85c0eb03f23 "src =" https: // i .dailymail.co.uk / 1s / 2019/06/26/20 / 15294620-7185235-It_s_clear_that_Neymar_never_really_wanted_to_leave_Barcelona-a-11_1561577757150.jpg "height =" 425 "width =" 634 "alt =" It is clear that the 27-year-old never really wanted to leave Barcelona in August 2017 that the 27-year-old never really wanted to leave Barcelona in August 2017 "

It is clear that the 27-year-old never really wanted to leave

An anecdote recently told on Spanish radio was how when Valverde first joined the club, he lightly described himself as sick of the sight of Neymar, Valverde will have a selection.

Valverde will have a selection

It is clear that Neymar never really wanted to leave Barcelona n and that this became the most expensive player ever in history

He is working hard to get back to what he & # 39; at home & # 39; calls. But the financial reality – and big reservations among club members – 70 percent voted against Neymar's return in a recent opinion about Sports World – still makes it very difficult.

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[arathoonabroad]

Chapter 13

In which Katie uses 2,000 words to say "I was tired."

Thursday, September 21, 2006

There have been certain grumblings of the "are you dead?" variety concerning my lack of updates recently, and I apologize; hopefully this installment will both satisfy those grumblers and explain my (extremely out of character) reticence.

So. I actually managed to give up alcohol for a month, and here's the story of why. One week after my birthday, we accidentally threw the most awesome party ever. The excuse was the arrival of a new flatmate, the awesome Freya—so it was a "house re-warming" party. Our arrival time was set at eight, and the theme was "Heroes and Villains." At eight o'clock we four flatmates were sitting in the living room. Sarah had made the largest token to the party's theme, and was wearing an Astro Boy t-shirt and, most impressively, an Astro Boy pair of underpants on the outside of her jeans. Freya was dressed up as an evil version of herself, and I was dressed up as a not-evil clone of the evil version of Freya, which meant that we were both wearing cute skirts and glasses, but otherwise looking pretty normal. Amina appeared to be going as Amina.

"Did you invite anyone?" asked Sarah. A chorus of Not Really's ran 'round the room. "Me neither," she sighed. The party seemed a loss. I texted the few people I had invited and warned them it was dead.

And then people started arriving, and they didn't stop. The house was full of people. We’d purchased forty bottles of wine, and we ran out and had to go get more. My camera was passed from hand to hand, capturing people's costumes (most impressively a young gentleman dressed entirely in tinfoil). People we didn't know showed up. People we did know and didn't like showed up. Somebody's younger brother and his best friend showed up, refused to speak to anyone, and then passed out in the living room. We had Brazilians and Italians and Indians and Germans and more, but everyone drank like Aussies. At four o'clock my camera was full of pictures, we were full of alcohol, and we decided it was a really good time to go to a bar. So, we shuffled off to the bar, I broke a chair, and the rest is a blank until it was suddenly 8:20 in the morning and one of my newfound best friends was shoving his watch in my face and saying, "Aren't you supposed to be at work in ten minutes?"

Ah yes, yes I was. A special one-off Saturday job, shelving books in the bookstore part of the café. Still reeling, I leaped into work clothes and ran the whole way to the café, making it there in just ten minutes (rather than the usual twenty). My boss thought my showing up reeking of alcohol was hilariously funny, and I proceeded to shelve books, dwelling on all the stupid things I'd done the night before, for two hours. Two hours of silent book shelving in a silent café is a really good time to do some earnest reflection, and I'd done a lot of stupid things the night before. By the time I'd finished the last box of books I'd worked myself into quite a state.

"Come on, I'll shout you breakfast as a thank you," my boss offered.

"I can't, I have about twelve apologies I have to make," I said, and, brain now moving into hangover zone, I wandered home, collapsed on the sidewalk outside my house, dissolved into tears, and called my mother.

Not my proudest moment in Sydney.

So, from that day until the end of August, I went teetotal. Totally teetotal. This caused extreme consternation amongst my friends. I did prove very definitively that I am capable of going out without drinking; I also proved that it's almost impossible to go out and have fun without drinking, mostly because everyone else gets annoyed with your sobriety and spends the evening trying to get you to change your mind. Spending evenings explaining why you're sober is really, really dull.

Luckily, the flu that I'd picked up back in June was still around and getting worse, which meant that most of the time I was too tired to go out anyway. Some days I would come home from work at five, get straight into bed and fall asleep, wake up at eight and have dinner and then go back to sleep; other days I would pass out at 7:30 and not wake up until 7:30 the next morning. I'm not sure quite why it didn't occur to me that being sick for more than two months was a bit odd, but it just seemed to be one of those facts of life; I'm Katie, and I sleep for twelve hours at a time on a regular basis. The month of no alcohol dragged on, things ended (I think) with Marco, and then work took a turn for the worse.

The boss, bless him, figured out that he could pick on me—and pick on me he did. When he yells at Sara she yells back, and Kia set down boundaries early enough that he doesn't yell at her at all, but he soon discovered that with my tendency to a) internalize disapproval and b) burn banana bread on a regular basis, I could provide a useful outlet for the daily frustrations of café management. Day by day things got worse—to the point where the other girls were leaping in to my defense ("Don't speak to her like that!") and I broke down in tears on several occasions.

The breaking point came one Friday in early September. Late in the afternoon I found myself getting shouted and sworn at, top volume. The boss was throwing around a sandwich I had made and was so angry that he was barely articulate. I went into crisis-control mode, as usual, and solved the sandwich problem (there was no problem, it turned out—the sandwich was exactly what the customer had wanted). Then I spent the next hour cleaning and finishing my shift and getting more and more worked up. I was sick, and tired, and absolutely sick and tired of getting screamed at for no good reason.

The next day, shopping with Kia, I related the story. "If he treated me the way he treats you, I'd quit," she said frankly. I considered that option. I have enough money saved up for this trip that I could just stay in Sydney until I leave. The money from the café is great, but not a necessity. Why don't I just not go back to work on Monday?

But then, thinking it over that Sunday in our sunny garden, I had a far more liberating thought: if I have enough flexibility that I can quit, then I can also just behave any way I want to at work, and if I get fired, it's no big deal!

I can shout back!

I went into work on Monday eager for him to pick a fight with me. He was gonna get it! Anybody who throws a punch at me from now on is getting knocked out of the ring! Just you wait, matey!

And, of course, that change in attitude has meant that I don't actually need to shout back; bossman has stopped picking on me. The few times things have drifted back towards our old pattern, I've dug my heels in and gotten sassy, and then we go back to him treating me like a human being. The old adage about standing up to bullies is true, it seems, and I’ve emerged from the experience with a—potentially useful—thicker epidermis.

But I was almost too tired and miserable to appreciate my once-again enjoyable work environment. September had arrived and I was still sick, still in bed by eight o'clock every night, still knocked off my feet for days every time I drank alcohol (teetotal August having ended at last). I tried to go out for dinner with Brenda one night and felt so miserable I could barely stand. "You look like you're going to cry!" she said in dismay, and sent me home to bed. I had to get a taxi because I was too tired to walk the two blocks to the bus stop. I was too tired to go out, too tired to write. What is the point of being here, I wondered, if all I'm going to do is work and sleep?

At Mum's urging I went to get checked for mono, or "glandular fever" as they so quaintly call it here. (Shoutout to free universal healthcare, btw!) The doctor poked and prodded me for a while and finally said with a note of satisfaction, "Ah. You have an enlarged spleen."

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"That means your mother is probably right," he said.

"My mother is always right about everything," I said glumly.

So they drew gallons of my blood and sent them off for testing, and then Cousin Becky arrived. 

Cousin Becky, one of my favorite people in the world, is moving to the Australian equivalent of Napa Valley until the end of the year, and touched down in Sydney first. So there's Becky, my big cousin whom I adore—and there's me, too tired and sick to show her a good time. Luckily, she was jetlagged and missing her boyfriend, so we were both able to be tired and miserable together. This somehow involved us buying extremely cute bikinis and lying on beaches for hours and hours, and then having lunches that consisted of wine and ice cream and dinners that consisted of phantasmagorically amazing seafood. Hey, if you're gonna mope, mope in style!

Becky left on a Sunday morning and I went straight to bed and slept more or less nonstop for the next eighteen hours (standard Sunday protocol at this point). On Monday I actually felt a little better. Tuesday even more so—to the point where I actually went out and had some drinks and got up to no good. Despite that, on Wednesday I was feeling, for the first time in months and months—practically normal!

That Wednesday was of course the day when my blood tests came in, and I slunk into the doctor's office feeling a bit sheepish. Here I'd just gone and gotten all these tests done on Medicare's dime, and just today my body was refusing to play the role required of it. Where was the drama, the lethargy, the I'd-rather-be-hit-by-a-bus misery? I have an enlarged spleen, damnit! I'm dying here!

"Nope," said my body, "Actually, I'm feeling pretty okay today."

So I was somehow unsurprised when the doctor explained to me that I don't actually have mono/glandular fever, at least not any more. (Glandular fever—honestly! What an archaic-sounding disease! Next they'll be telling me people still get scurvy, or gout, or the plague!) Very patiently he took me through all the different tests, all the different results that my gallons of blood had provided—and they all basically said I was a-ok. Even my cholesterol's pretty good, it turns out.

I tried to be enthusiastic, but I was still confused. "So, why have I been so miserable?" I asked.

"Sometimes, the body just gives out when it's being pushed too hard—when the patient is going out too often, or there's stress at work, or they're not eating the proper food."

World cup. Bossman. Cornflakes. Hmm. "Burning your candle at both ends?" I suggested.

The doctor looked at me carefully. "Sometimes I think some patients aren't just burning both ends—they're burning holes in the middle, too."

Point taken.

[sarohara]

You both like christmas.

Stranger: santa

You: hey boo, merry xmas!!

You: santa tell me

Stranger: are u santa

You: i wish i was

You: ahahaha

You: no, r u?

Stranger: dang i wish bro

You: yeah ikr!!

Stranger: if only

You: if only what?

Stranger: if only we were santa

You: oh yeah ahaha i'm sleepy

Stranger: im hungry

You: imma cook then

Stranger: awww for me

You: yeah!! ahahah

You: what do u wanna eat?

Stranger: ur so nice

Stranger: i want chicken

You: ahahah aw!

You: okay, imma cook this :)

Stranger: awwww thank you how old are u

You: Anytime!

You: ahahah

You: um, i'm 16

You: how 'bout u?

Stranger: ooo im 18

You: ahahha may i ask ur name?

Stranger: megan

Stranger: nu

You: heyy megan! i love ur name!

You: I'm Sarah btw

Stranger: awwww thxs sarah ur so nice

You: awwww YOU are so nice!

Stranger: question ?

You: r u gonna ask me something

You: or u wanna me to ask u something?

Stranger: wanna ask something

You: if i wanna ask u something?

You: lmao i'm so sleepý

You: it seems like i'm drunk

Stranger: can i ask something and seems like im high

You: Yeah go ahead

You: ahhahah we're both high then gal

Stranger: thoughts on harry styles ?

Stranger: yassss girl

You: The most prettiest boy in whole world, yea, i'm sure

Stranger: omg i love u

You: Sending you some virtual love

You: ahahhaha

You: love ya!

Stranger: lol ur funny

Stranger: where u from

You: I do my best ahahahhaha lmao

You: I'm brazilian

You: from Brazil (no way!) ahah

Stranger: ooooo im Florida

You: Oooh us!

You: old us ahah

Stranger: haha nice

You: So, how r things over there?

Stranger: good nu

You: well, if it is ab covid, it's kinda messy

Stranger: ya true that

You: but it's stable at the same time, anyway we're fine lol

Stranger: that good

You: It could be better, u know

You: Yea yea!

Stranger: i know

Stranger: yassssss

You: So, wyd now?

Stranger: smoking nu

You: smoking what? lmao

You: i'm just listening to music, as usual i would say

Stranger: cig

Stranger: nice im also listening music

Stranger: to

You: your lung: sos lmao

You: i'm just kidding!

You: ahahha

You: what song?

Stranger: haha daddy issues nu

You: I Hope by Gabby Barret

Stranger: nice

You: It's really good, give it a listen later

Stranger: i will do that

You: And i love daddy issues, btw! quite smooth ahah

You: okay :)

Stranger: hahaha listening to it now and true tho

Stranger: wow its good

You: Right??

Stranger: i like it

You: I'm happy u like it!

Stranger: thank u babe

You: yw boo!

Stranger: so ....

You: So, how's life?

Stranger: its fine i guess just hard nu

You: When someone say that it's because things r really sucked..so do u wanna talk ab it or naaah

You: I'm okay!

Stranger: haha im chilled but thxs hun

You: ooh okay! :)

You: and anytime!

Stranger: oooo now listening to summer walker girls need love

You: I'm not sure if i know this one but imma listen to it

You: i'm just terrible at names ahahha

Stranger: its good

You: Now i'm listening to 7 years

Stranger: nice

You: I'm listeing to girls need love

Stranger: and

You: listening*

You: well, i like the vibeee

You: Ooooohhh

You: I know this song!

Stranger: now listening to LOVE

Stranger: yesssss

You: by who?

Stranger: just LOVE

Stranger: LOVE.

You: Oh like, u mean, to really love?

Stranger: Kendrick lamar

You: ooooh okay

Stranger: yasss

You: Oooh that's smooth!!

Stranger: right

You: I like it

Stranger: now zayn fingers

You: his baby's so cute! ahah

Stranger: right

You: Listening now

Stranger: enjoy

You: That's freaking good

Stranger: it is right

You: Yeaah, so underrated

Stranger: it really is

You: The comments: "If anyone says it's not about harry i will punch them" ahahahhahahaha

Stranger: now ariana grande and the weekend off the tables

Stranger: hahaha ya i say

Stranger: saw

You: Ariana's amazing!! I love her!

Stranger: i love her too

You: Listening

Stranger: and

You: i'm enjoying the song...wait

Stranger: haha yassss

You: ahahha masterpiece! :)

Stranger: right

Stranger: now sza the weekend

You: okay

Stranger: enjoy

You: doing it

Stranger: let me know when u done

You: dude ahahahah i was thinking it wa a song named SZA by The Weeknd lol

You: it was*

Stranger: it is

You: Her voice's amazing, it reminds me a brazilian singer named Iza...

Stranger: right its amazing and thats cool

You: Wait u said it is?

Stranger: if u done zayn like i would

Stranger: oh never mind

You: ooh the video's just sick!!!

You: Omg that's really good

Stranger: right

Stranger: know right

You: yaaaasss

Stranger: want more songs

You: yeah, for sure!! but do u wanna keep in touch? i gotta go now, sadly. i wish i could stay here a lil bit more but i can't..

Stranger: sure

You: snap..insta..wpp? what do u have?

Stranger: snape is melis9655 insta is x_melis420_x

You: okay! :) imma add u on both! mine's scarvalhando(sc) and @sarahcvlm (ig)

Stranger: oh and my name is melissa ya not megan it was just a joke and im actually from south africa

You: Ooh it's okay! Melissa then :) and wow, i love south africa!! I've met some people from there, they're so nice!

Stranger: added ya sorry just wanted to have fun

You: I mean, lemme rephrase, you guys r so nice!**

You: Oh it's okay, don't be sorry!

You: ahahah

You: okay imma add u back

Stranger: hahaha awww thxs ur nice

You: ahaha sure!! and aw tysm :)

Stranger: np :

You: okay so..see ya there (sc or ig, or both) :)

Stranger: :)

You: skip gal! aha

Stranger: any

You: what?

Stranger: wat

You: I had to copy ur sc and ig, that's why i sent "skip gal" ahah

Stranger: oh haha

Stranger: my profile on insta is harry styles

You: oooooh oke

You: my profile on insta is just me ahahah

Stranger: haha ya

You: anyway!! it was so nice talking to u! send me some other songs any time!

You: okay?