#Bollywood Brief

[lilacstro]

Astro Observations pt 2

1.If you have sun conjunct ascendant//sun in 10th house, people might really see who you really are or your real personality maybe visible to people you choose to interact with.

2. People who's sun and mercury match, they more than most of the time, say what they really mean

3. People who have Sag sun/stellium usually have a strong liking for some kind of mainstream media, like kpop? football? bollywood?

4. The sign of your fifth house can influence how you like spending your leisure time. Example:

Capricorn 5th house might like cleaning as a form of relaxing or spending their free time

Leo 5th house might want entertainment or hanging out with a group of friends, social circles

Gemini 5th house might like scrolling the internet or talking about their favourite shows and dramas

Pisces 5th house might like day dreaming or doodling or creative working

Libra 5th house might put make up on just because, or doing a whole self care routine

Taurus 5th house might just lay in bed and sleep? lol maybe cook something or play some instrument if they please.

5. Jupiter is said to expand. People who may have sun conjunct Jupiter may have huge sense of self or awareness of identity, which is really good in a world where people try to tell you who you are. However, this needs to be checked so it does not turn into a huge ego

6. Sagittarius women could really like dancing

7. 8th house stellium could deal with sleep paralysis or insomnia or some kind of mental health related problem at some point in their life for sure

8. 12th house stelliums could really like day dreaming a lot

9. Most Libra people I have met are usually already well liked regardless of anything. and the ones that aren't, really care about being liked by people.

10. Speaking of this, most libra placements, esp suns, may really be gossiped about or do gossips.

11. Sagittarius placements (sun and rising esp) always have something going on with their teeth. Its either crooked, it may have had an injury and even if its perfect, they might be a little insecure about it at least for a brief period in their life

12. Neptune in 7th house could mean the native has kind of like imaginary ideals about their partner. It could also be that they "like the idea of someone more than the person" or straight up like imaginary characters as ideals

13. Sag mercury women usually are very vocal. May advocate for things like unequal rights, feminism, maybe the first one to speak. tbh sag mercuries overall are the types to take part in global challenges and really take time out to think about it seriously.

14. Sun in 8th house is a mysterious placement. Sun in 8th house won't reveal themselves to you. To be fairly honest, growing up their personality goes through a lot of transformation before they finally get to even know themselves and who they are. They could also be very introspective if not self aware

15. while Moon in 8th house natives are usually said that they won't reveal their true emotions, I'd say that's subjective since they are actually "aware" of their feelings on a deep level. This depends on the sign and degree of the moon imo. However, they may instead absolutely illusion you into thinking "you know everything about them" lol. Also, they could eventually get very emotionally intelligent in their lives with time. They may also never fully reveal their past to someone.

16. Moon in 8th house can have two moods. I know this will happen. See this happened. OR I know EXACTLY why this did not happen lol. Very intuitive.

17. Moon in Gemini degrees can indicate being able to verbalize and intellectualize emotions better than most people. While Moon in Aquarius or Capricorn may suggest otherwise.

18. Idk how but most Aquarius people I have seen have either of these two things. Being extremely different than most people (in a good or bad way) in some way or the other, a different thinking than most. OR, being really really good with Internet related stuff, like maybe freelance? Digital Media? Social Media?

19. Venus/Sun/Moon in virgos will get you the small thing you mentioned in a random seemingly unimportant conversation for your birthday gift.

20. A placement that makes me think of "attractive personality" is Venus in harmonious aspects with mercury.

21. Mars in 5th house/1st house are said to be automatically physically active or athletic. While this maybe true, mars or any other planet at a weak degree or Mars in Earth signs may not manifest that way, even though it may seem otherwise.

22. I think mercury in 11th house is an OG placement for over thinkers or the people who are thinking how would it feel to get married while riding the car/train and looking outside, or being constantly in their head the second they woke up.

23. " I am so stupid in love"- Pisces, Cancer placements.

24. Neptune in 3rd/11th house placements could have a social media or chronically online addiction.

25. Sun in 1st house in SR can indicate getting a sense of identity and purpose and moreover finding yourself again

26. Uranus in 12th house in SR can indicate a change/transformation in old belief systems and thoughts

support me on ko-fi :)

Well, I am thinking of making proper dedicated posts now instead of random notes like that. What suggestions do you have? I would loveee to know.

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 13

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, dealer!ellie, mentions of marijuana and descriptions of its usage, descriptions of anaphylactic shock, brief mention of needles, descriptions of anxiety, mentions of death, descriptions of jealousy, mentions of breakups, several flashback scenes, mentions of LSD and its usage, descriptions of acid tripping, ellie's POV, minors do not interact

word count: 9k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-if if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

songs featured in this chapter (including a surprise audio AND drawing commission in the middle of the fic):

the aaron taylor song ���i think i love you again”

the carpenters song “merry christmas darling”

palestine will be free

“Where the fuck even are you?” 

“Not home.” 

“Well, no shit. I’m literally sitting on your living room couch, dumbass.” 

“Get out of my apartment, weirdo.” 

“Stop procrastinating, asshole.” 

Ellie rolls her eyes as a couple of bright yellow leaves slowly dance down on the pavement from the nearby trees on her path home. One hand holds her phone up in front of her with Dina’s face front and center on the screen through FaceTime. 

Having just dropped off a rather large order to a couple of stoner sophomores living on campus, Ellie’d decided to take the longer, more scenic route home instead of the usual way she’d go every day. She had a “date” lined up with Daniela in about an hour or so, a meeting she wasn’t particularly looking forward to being present for. Having no real enthusiasm to actually be on time to meet up with her, Ellie was purposely and leisurely delaying her return home to get ready. 

Dina, busy lounging on the couch in Jesse and Ellie’s living room, busies herself by finishing a bland, microwaveable box of mac and cheese she’d found shoved in the back of the duo’s full freezer. She was casually killing time talking to Ellie through video chat while she waited for Jesse to finish getting ready for their movie date night. 

Jesse enjoyed dragging Dina along to a movie theater in the neighbouring downtown area that showed old and foreign films. Back home in Jackson throughout their childhood, he and Ellie would make Dina sit through old sci-fi pictures, cult horror films, martial arts movies in a completely different language and with no subtitles. Dina would sit in the middle of the two in complete boredom as she listened to them psychoanalyzing background characters who had two lines and spending hours explaining their personal interpretations of a single camera angle in some inconsequential scene. 

When they all began attending university, Jesse was over the moon upon discovering the nearby theater and the kind of films they would show. Dina complained every single time, but she secretly enjoyed these date nights regardless, always arguing with Jesse on the way home with her own analyses of the movie they’d just seen. She was a little less enthusiastic this time, however, upon hearing that the film they were about to go see was an early 2000s Bollywood movie that had a running time of nearly four hours. 

Jesse had just gotten home from working out at the gym and was busy showering, and Dina decided to preoccupy herself in the meantime by thoroughly berating Ellie for her disinterest and voluntary tardiness for her “date” later that evening. 

“El, I really don’t understand why you’re even bothering with her,” Dina says after a huge, wet slurp of her mac and cheese. “Leave that poor freshman girl alone. You really don’t even seem to like her that much.” 

“She’s still got Joel’s jacket and I want it back.” Ellie shrugs nonchalantly. 

“Maybe if you didn’t pass that shabby old thing around to every new girl you see for a month…” Dina replies, not bothering to mutter under her breath. 

“Oh, leave me the fuck alone, Woodward,” Ellie says, chuckling. “Slutshamer.” 

Jesse jaunts into the living room, jet black hair damp from the shower and fully dressed, and spots Ellie’s face on Dina’s tiny screen. He waltzes towards the couch and, without any warning, stealthily snatches Dina’s phone right out of her hand. 

“Hey!” Dina protests indignantly, trying to reach for it back. 

Jesse ignores her as Ellie laughs. 

“Yo, what the fuck, Williams.” Jesse scolds the auburn-haired girl. 

“Wassup, Chang.” 

“What the hell did you ditch me and the gym for earlier? Today’s our cardio day.” 

“Had a huge delivery I needed to make,” Ellie shrugs. “Wanted two 40 bags on top of a few lavender pre-rolls. And they lived on the opposite side of campus.” 

“A likely excuse,” Jesse scoffs. “I think you’ve been harbouring a secret, years-long grudge against me and actually hate me for some reason.” 

“Oh, it’s not a secret. I do hate you.” 

“Dickhead.” Jesse chuckles as Dina heartily laughs behind him with a mouthful of mac and cheese. 

Before Jesse can continue to berate his best friend, his own phone rings noisily from the inside of one of his jeans pockets. 

“Oh, look. Someone who actually loves and appreciates me.” He says indignantly, handing small-scale Ellie back to Dina. 

Ellie playfully rolls her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that Jesse’s phone is currently buzzing and blaring with the personalized ringtone he’d set for your contact years ago shortly after you’d all met for the first time. 

Dina, recognizing the familiar sound as well and noticing Ellie’s tight lips and rigid expression, quickly attempts to change the subject. 

“So where exactly are you gonna be meeting up with the Daniela girl?” Dina quickly asks Ellie at the same time that Jesse booms, “Good evening once again to my absolute favourite person in the whole world!” 

Ellie hesitantly begins to reply to Dina but cuts off almost immediately when she hears Jesse’s tone turn serious and mutter a name she’d come to despise. 

“Oh. Hey, Anderson. What’s up?” Jesse says blankly. “Where’s—” 

“Oh, shit.” Dina inadvertently murmurs as Ellie’s face immediately goes red with fury. 

“Why the fuck is Anderson calling Jesse on her phone?” Ellie demands quietly of Dina. 

“I mean… she is on a date with her tonight…” Dina reluctantly admits, knowing that lying to Ellie about your current whereabouts is pointless after figuring Jesse would eventually blab it to her anyway. 

“Are you fucking serious?” Ellie seethes. 

“I don’t really know why she’d be calling Jesse, though. That doesn’t make any sense...” Dina says, setting down her fork and turning her head back towards her boyfriend as Ellie watches intently him from the corner of Dina’s phone screen. 

Both girls stare Jesse down as he intently listens to the other end of the line, the two getting more and more nervous as his face gets stonier as each second passes. When he finally speaks, his voice is grave and urgent. 

“Is she breathing?” 

“What?” Both Dina and Ellie simultaneously say in distress, which Jesse ignores. 

“What did she eat?” He asks Abby. 

“What’s going on?” Dina implores of him fearfully, sitting up straighter in her seat and completely abandoning her partially eaten mac and cheese on the coffee table. 

Jesse holds up a pointer finger as an indication that he needs to keep listening as Ellie hushes her sternly, fiercely trying to eavesdrop on Jesse’s conversation. 

“Okay. What did you eat?” Jesse questions. 

The way Jesse’s face falls elicits a sharply drawn breath from Dina and drains all the colour from Ellie’s face. 

“Did she have any?” He asks. 

While Jesse listens for Abby’s lengthy response, Ellie quickly averts her eyes back to Dina. 

“Dina.” She says hastily. “Where did Anderson take her tonight?” 

“Orchards. It’s that fancy restaurant that’s like, right by here.” 

“I know. They serve a lot of seafood there, right?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you think Anderson ordered any?” 

“El, how am I supposed to know that?” 

“Well, does Anderson know that she’s deadly fucking allergic to shellfish? That she can’t even fucking touch that shit?” 

Dina’s terrified face suddenly goes completely pale before she responds. 

“I-I don’t know...” 

“Does she have any pockets or some kind of bag with her?” They hear Jesse say. “See if she has her EpiPen in there.” 

“E-El… I don’t think she does.” Dina stammers.” I helped her get dressed tonight and I saw her before she left, and I-I don’t think—” 

Ellie nearly drops her phone on the pavement from how clammy her hands have become from complete fear. When she hears Jesse fiercely mutter a furious “fuck,” she immediately breaks into a sprint. 

“Dina!” Ellie demands. “Give me back to Jesse! Now!” Dina hastily hands her phone to her petrified boyfriend without question as he quickly asks Abby to stay calm and give him a quick second. 

“Jess!” Ellie breathlessly yells, not bothering to keep her voice down and without any concern for the fellow students she was alarming as she ran by. “Go to my room right now and search in the bottom drawer of my desk!!!” 

Promptly and silently, Jesse darts in the direction of Ellie’s bedroom with Dina following closely behind him. 

“There’s an old EpiPen of hers somewhere in there! I think it’s probably a couple of months expired now, but grab it anyway!” 

Jesse and Dina unceremoniously bust into Ellie’s bedroom and follow her instructions precisely. After forcibly yanking open the bottom-most drawer of her computer desk, they begin to desperately rifle through it. After a few seconds of frantic ransacking through its miscellaneous contents, Jesse pulls out a thick, plastic cylindrical object with tiny lettering embellished all over the translucent plastic. 

“Look for the little slot on the side of it that shows you some liquid-y shit inside!” Ellie presses him. “Is it still completely clear and clean, or is it all brown and murky?” 

“It’s clear.” Jesse replies after quickly inspecting the EpiPen. 

“Okay, go!” Ellie orders. “Dina’s gonna call 911 right now! Orchards is right around the corner from our place, so run! Inject the needle on the outside of her thigh! And check her pulse and see if she’s breathing, ‘cause you’ll need to do CPR if she isn’t! Paramedics probably won’t get there for another five minutes or so, so you just gotta keep doing chest compressions until they can get there!” 

Jesse nods and immediately sprints out of the room after handing Dina her phone, placing his own back to his ear and quickly informing Abby that he’d be there shortly, firmly asking her to check your pulse. 

Dina sets her eyes on Ellie, pure terror engraved on her face. 

“Ellie, s-shouldn’t we grab the EpiPen she has now in her apartment? I think I know where it is, probably. Isn’t that safer than—”

“Her apartment is fifteen minutes away from that restaurant and Jesse can get there in two! We can’t waste any more time!” Ellie clarifies quickly. “Now, I need you to hang up right away and call 911 and explain everything that’s just happened! Go!” 

Ellie doesn’t bother waiting for Dina to end the call and roughly taps on the red button herself. 

She shoves her phone into the pocket of her hoodie and quickens her pace. 

Her lungs winded and her heart threatening to beat out of her chest, she couldn't seem to care any less about her own breathing at that very moment. She trusts nothing else but her own feet to get her exactly where she desperately needs to be. She sees nothing and no one else but the pavement directly in front of her, cutting across the university’s campus through the fastest route she can think of in the moment. 

Despite never having been a religious person in any way, Ellie begins to plead a desperate prayer in her mind to whatever god or deity that could possibly exist that you were still breathing somehow and that Jesse had found you and gotten there in time. 

She takes a moment to pull her phone out and check how long it’s been since she ended the FaceTime call with Dina, seeing that a little less than five minutes had just passed. She considers calling her once more for any updates; but not wanting to risk being a possible distraction in case Dina is needed in the moment, she ultimately decides against doing so and instead wills her feet to move faster. 

Unwelcome thoughts begin to involuntarily flood Ellie’s mind as she sprints. 

She thinks of the last time you’d seen each other: that night of your heart-to-heart dinner with Jesse at Sterling’s. It felt almost fated for her and Dina to walk into the same restaurant at the same time that the two of you had been meeting. Ellie recalls the identical look of dismay on both of your faces, equally overwhelmed at the sight of one another. She can still feel the angry yet doleful tears that fell down her red cheeks as she stormed away from the diner, threatening to expose endless repressed feelings of remorse and heartache. 

She remembers the day she saw your sudden reunion with Abby Anderson, you dressed in that beautiful floral sundress and very obviously flirting with the tall, muscular blonde. Her nails were so angrily digging into her palms at the sight of you two that she can still feel the phantom marks that had nearly drawn blood. She’d nearly frightened Dina, who was lounging on the living room couch with a joint in hand, when she busted into her and Jesse’s apartment with immediate choice words that were aroused by her unbridled anger. 

She recalls the last time you’d actually spoken to one other directly after that miserable, unfortunate night of the Sigma Eta party, how taken aback she was at how you were still so undeniably beautiful underneath the pale moonlight. Having been sitting on the hood of her Jeep while she watched in amusement at your futile attempts to keep yourself warm, she thinks of the way your eyes were furiously and desperately trying to avoid her piercing ocean green gaze. The memory of the angry, fleeting look you’d given Daniela when you’d obviously noticed Joel’s old motorcycle jacket resting on her shoulders is one she can never forget; nor could she the air of raw, bitter indignation that radiated off you at the sight of one of your signature lavender joints nestled in between Daniela’s lips. 

She can still feel the visceral rage that sparked inside her from Frat Guy Adam’s casual cruelty towards you, followed by feelings of heartbreak at watching the way your face had fallen at his words. The sheer remorse from pathetically having done nothing right when it happened still weighs on her. Ellie can never forget the simultaneous feelings of shame and comfort she’d felt after your heated encounter with her in the bathroom of Sterling’s: shame from being forcibly confronted with a reminder of the deepest regret of her whole life; and comfort at finally being able to see with her own ocean green eyes, after so long, the face of a person she once adored more than she did anyone else in the world. 

Maybe even still. 

Ellie eventually finds herself at the intersection right where her shared apartment with Jesse is located. Her hasty pursuit is frustratingly impeded when she’s stopped by the angry, glowing red hand at the crosswalk she needs to get past to reach Orchards, cars endlessly coming one after the other. For a few moments, she’s at least able to catch a much-needed, painful breath.

While she bounces up and down on her feet in impatience, very seriously contemplating running across anyway and risking being hit by a speeding car, Ellie thinks of one thing and one thing only: the first moment her eyes met yours all those years ago. The moment when she knew, deep down and instinctively, that everything had changed. 

She’s brutally broken out of her brief reverie by the blaring of sirens booming from around the corner. Her head immediately shoots towards the sound and she watches as two ambulances with flashing red and white lights speed down the road and towards what she believes is the direction of the nearest emergency room. 

Ellie wastes no time bolting down the crosswalk the millisecond that the orange pedestrian signal finally blinks to white, sprinting down the street of Orchards. She’s somehow able to spot Dina’s figure in the middle of a small crowd of people gathered next to the restaurant and immediately sprints towards her. By the time Ellie is able to reach her, most of the unfamiliar bystanders have dispersed with whispers. Her heart races as she sees Dina’s cheeks wet and dripping endlessly with tears. 

“Dina!” Ellie huffs, using the last of her breath and energy to dash to her side. 

“Ellie!” Dina sighs in relief upon spotting her friend. 

They envelop each other in a tight embrace, Dina hiccuping slightly into Ellie’s shoulder. 

“What happened? Did you guys make it in time? Is she okay? Where is she? Where’s Jesse?” Ellie rambles. 

“Sh-she’s okay, I think,” Dina stammers. “She was breathing when Jesse got here, but her pulse was really slow. The paramedics got here a few minutes after Jesse did.” 

She sloppily wipes her eyes with the back of her hands before continuing. 

“They said that the EpiPen probably saved her life, said that she would have had a lot less of a chance if we had just waited for them to arrive. Expired EpiPen was apparently better than nothing, as long as it wasn’t too far off from when it did expire.” 

Ellie takes a relieved breath in at hearing this. 

“Thank god. Thank fucking god. That’s what I thought, but I-I honestly wasn’t sure. I couldn’t remember clearly in the moment.” 

“How did you even know that?” Dina asks her in genuine curiosity. 

“I-I… wh-when we were, you know, t-together…” Ellie mutters awkwardly. “I made sure to know, j-just in case.” 

“Oh, Ellie…” 

Ellie wrings her hands together and clears her throat in embarrassment. 

“So where’s Jess? Where’s Anderson?” She asks, changing the subject and voice dripping in disdain at the last word. 

“Jesse rode in the ambulance with her and the paramedics, and Abby said that she’d follow behind in her car,” Dina replies. “I stayed behind ‘cause I figured you were on your way and I wanted to be able to tell you what happened in person.” 

“Thank you, D, seriously.” 

Dina stares at Ellie earnestly for a moment. 

“You really do still love her.” Dina says, not as a question but as a statement. 

Ellie doesn’t respond to this remark, her lips tight and her ocean green eyes unreadable. 

“Come on. Let’s go see her.” 

You had been brought to St. Peter’s Hospital, the closest one located to your university. When Ellie and Dina had gotten there, they found Jesse sitting alone in the mostly empty waiting room. He was staring up at the dreary off-white ceiling, his left leg nervously bouncing up and down as one of his hands gripped his right knee. When he spots the two girls enter the room, he immediately jumps out of his seat to meet them. He pulls his girlfriend into a tight embrace and gives her a tender kiss on the forehead, and then he places a firm and reassuring hand on his best friend’s shoulder. 

“How is she?” Ellie asks nervously. 

“Unconcious still, but she’s alive,” Jesse replies somberly. “The paramedics in the ambulance told me that they were pumping her full of adrenaline; and so now, they’re either still doing that or they’re just trying to get her heart rate back to normal. Apparently, her tongue was so swollen and her throat closed up completely, so they’ve got to reopen her airways ‘cause she’s having a hard time breathing.” 

“Oh, god…” Dina chokes out. 

“Don’t worry, D.” Jesse consoles. “She’s gonna be fine. She’s strong, and we know that. They’re taking care of her, and she’ll hopefully be awake soon.” 

“I know, I know…” Dina sniffles. “It’s really not like me to fall apart like this. But she’s like a sister to me, you know. I mean, she basically is.” 

“Me too, babe. Don’t worry. We all love her too. No need to explain.” Jesse says. 

Dina gives him a soft smile as he gives her another tender forehead kiss. Watching such a small but affectionate scene between the two makes Ellie feel as if she’s intruding on a private moment she shouldn’t be witnessing. Jealousy in the form of a knife in the stomach twists inside her while her heart aches to feel that kind of intimacy. 

“Oh, shit, I should call her uncle,” Dina suddenly realizes, pulling away from Jesse slightly. “I think I still have his number from freshman year. He should know what’s going on.” 

“Good idea.” Jesse agrees. “He’s one of her emergency contacts, but I’m not sure if he knows just yet.” 

“I’ll call the girls too,” She continues, referring to the other girls who lived in the Wilson Valley building with you and Dina during your freshman year. “I know that they’ll also want to know.” 

She pulls her phone out of her pocket before muttering a quick “be right back” and exiting the waiting room. 

Jesse and Ellie watch her walk out silently. After a moment or two, Jesse speaks up. 

“Are you okay, El?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Come on, man. Don’t do that. You know what I mean.” 

“I’m fine, Jess.” 

“Dude.” 

“What?” 

Jesse turns his whole body to face Ellie straight on, crossing his arms against his chest and frowning. 

“You’re completely red in the face, you look the most stressed out than I’ve ever seen you, and you’re here.” 

“So?” Ellie replies stubbornly. 

“Williams.” Jesse stresses sternly. “You know Dina and I saw everything you had in that desk drawer.” 

Ellie says nothing in reply and Jesse continues. 

“You literally still had her old EpiPen from like, two years ago. That entire drawer was full of her shit.” 

Ellie clenches her jaw and balls up her fists. 

“You still have all those old letters she used to write you all the time, all these mementos and knickknacks from when you two were together. You even have Barbie Bear.” Jesse points out. “Do you know that she’s been chewing Dina out nonstop about her for years because she thinks Dina stole her?” 

“Look, she and I just stopped talking to each other all of a sudden before sophomore year. I never had an actual chance to give her all of her shit back—” 

“You literally could have given them to me or Dina or even any of the Wilson girls so we could return them.” 

“Look—” 

“And what about the rest of it? Shit that you didn’t have to actually give back to her? It’s been years. You could have easily thrown it all out.” 

“You don’t understa—” 

“You didn’t even bother leaving all that shit back home in Jackson. You brought it all here with you to keep in our apartment.” 

“I… I—” 

“She could have fucking died tonight, El. And you’re still bullshitting me.” 

“Jesse.” Ellie croaks out through quivering lips and watery eyes. 

“You saved her life. She could have very well been in a worse state right now if it weren’t for you. You told me and Dina what to do. Nobody told you to do any of that. And by the sorry state of you, it looks like you just ran three marathons in a row just to get here and make sure she was okay in person.” 

Tears threaten to flow down from Ellie’s ocean green eyes, and it takes every ounce of strength that she has left in her to will them not to fall. 

“She means so, so much to me and Dina. And to a whole bunch of other people too. When she gets hurt, we feel that shit too.” Jesse says. “I need you to get your motherfucking shit together, Williams. Now.” 

Before Ellie can even form some kind of thought in response to his declaration, Dina suddenly reenters the waiting room. 

“Called her uncle and told him everything I know. He’s currently looking up the first flight out and he’ll hopefully be here sometime tomorrow.” Dina informs the pair as she walks over. “Just got off the phone with Astrid too. Most of the girls are either busy or asleep by now, but she said she’ll let them know too as soon as possible. If she’s awake tomorrow, they’ll try to come by to pay her a visit.” 

“Okay, good.” Jesse nods in response. “Thanks for doing that, D. I was so focused on what’s been going on, and none of that even crossed my mind.” 

“They deserved to know.” Dina smiles sadly before suddenly frowning. “But why did she even go into anaphylactic shock in the first place? They both asked me, but I realized that you never actually told either of us and I didn’t really know what to tell them.” 

“She and Anderson were making out, and Anderson had eaten some seafood bouillabaisse for dinner. Apparently, it had a bunch of chopped-up shrimp in it that she couldn’t see.” Jesse says plainly. 

Dina inadvertently glances at Ellie in slight sympathy, but Jesse looks at her with zero remorse on his face. 

“She didn’t tell Abby that she was really allergic?” Dina asks. 

“Anderson apparently had no idea, said that she wouldn’t have ordered it if she knew in the first place.” Jesse clarified. 

“Anderson should have fucking double-checked re-fucking-gardless.” Ellie angrily interjects. 

“It’s not Abby’s fault, Ellie. There’s no way she could have just known instinctively.” Dina reasons. 

“Doesn’t matter. Isn’t she studying to be a fucking doctor? Isn’t that some basic shit that they teach at med school or whatever? She should have known better.” Ellie seethes. “Where the fuck is she, anyway? I thought she came along.” 

“She went down to the food court for a breather.” Jesse says. 

“Oh, she needs a breather?” Ellie sneers. “Yeah, go ahead and catch your breath when the person you almost killed tonight can’t even fucking breathe—” 

“Ellie!” Dina scolds. 

“Whatever.” Ellie scoffs. 

“El,” Dina suddenly brings up. “Have you talked to Daniela yet?” 

“What about her?” Ellie asks. 

“Weren’t you supposed to meet up with her…” Dina checks the time on her phone. “... almost an hour ago?” 

“So?” 

“Ellie.” 

Ellie clicks her tongue. 

“Fine, let me text her right now that I won’t make it—” She begins to say begrudgingly, but she cuts herself off as someone else enters the waiting room. 

Abby Anderson quietly walks through the door, sipping a plain black coffee from a styrofoam cup. She looks up from her drink and gives Jesse an awkward but polite smile which he respectfully returns along with a nod. 

Ellie’s entire body goes cold with frigid, icy hatred, exacerbated when her furious ocean green eyes suddenly meet with Abby Anderson’s tired sky blue ones. 

“Actually,” Ellie suddenly says. “I’m gonna give her a call and see if she’s still free to meet up tonight. I still want my jacket back.” 

Both Dina and Jesse look as if they’re each about to interject with a response, but Ellie is too quick for either of them to say a word. 

Ellie storms out of the waiting room, not giving a second look at Abby Anderson. 

Ellie throws Joel’s old leather jacket onto her bed, sighing softly. She sheds her sweaty grey hoodie and throws it down next to the jacket before pulling her phone out. She proceeds to call Jesse, but she’s greeted with ten, empty-sounding buzzes before being redirected to his voicemail. She then attempts to call Dina but is greeted with an immediate automated message stating that the call could not be completed. 

Groaning in exasperation, Ellie collapses into her desk chair and roughly kicks off her Converse. After a moment or two, she notices the bottom-most drawer of her desk and the way it’s hanging off the frame precariously. Sighing, she crouches down on the floor and begins to rearrange its previous contents. 

At first, she shoves items back into the drawer at random, but she immediately pauses once her hand grazes across the fur of a pink stuffed animal. 

Barbie Bear. 

She picks up the stuffed animal and stares sadly into its plastic eyes. Noticing that the light pink ribbon around its neck has gotten loose, Ellie delicately attempts to retie it back into a bow. After a couple of lopsided tries, she’s eventually satisfied once she’s able to center the ribbon correctly. She carefully places Barbie Bear back into the drawer before returning to restore its contents with more consideration. 

After replacing a few pairs of old earrings of yours into a small box, she picks up a stack of old letters that she’d tied together with a piece of brown twine. Ellie resists the urge to go through each of them, but when she notices that one had fallen out of the stack and is now lying on the floor, her willpower dwindles almost instantly. 

Ellie picks up the envelope gingerly, almost as if she’s afraid that her touch will cause it to burst into flames. She reads her name on the front written with green ink and flips it over to where the flap of the envelope is torn open. She runs her fingers over the wax seal that had secured the letter inside: the design of Saturn amongst several stars. Nervously, she slips the card out from inside and unfolds it to reveal your handwriting. 

Dear Ellie, 

It is currently 4:27 A.M. and I can’t sleep, and for some reason, I can’t stop watching that story you posted on Instagram earlier over and over. The one of you singing and playing your electric guitar to that Aaron Taylor song. Not to be gay as fuck, but it is so easy to get lost in the sound of your voice. Also, I really like your lips. And your hands. 

I know I said this yesterday already, but you’ve been overworking yourself way too much lately. I’m glad that you’ve been putting a lot of effort into your schoolwork, but have you eaten? When was the last time you had a full meal (microwaveable ramen does not count)? Have you been taking any time for yourself? It’s really sweet that you still make time to come hang out with me most days, but you need some you time too, you know. 

Not that I don’t love seeing your goofy face all the time. I don’t know, I think me writing all that out is me casually acknowledging that I have attachment issues and attempting to work on it. Oh, well. I’m pretty attached to you, fucking dork. 

Okay, heading to bed now. Hopefully, I’ll actually be able to fall asleep this time. But hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow (I know I just said that you need to take more time for yourself, but shut up). You’re always the best part of my day. 

Ellie can’t seem to let herself read the final piece of the letter, the part where you’d signed your name. 

She delicately folds the card once more and places it back into its envelope. Turning it over in her hand and tenderly running her fingers over where you’d addressed her name, she wonders if your handwriting is still the same as it was all those years ago. 

Reluctantly, Ellie tucks the letter back into the stack before tying them all securely together once more. 

Earlier That Evening 

Ellie was fifty-two minutes late to her supposed “date” with Daniela. This was Ellie’s third failed attempt at reacquiring Joel’s old motorcycle jacket, and they had previously decided to meet up outside the coffee shop on campus where Daniela recently started working after the end of her shift. 

But after Ellie’s unexplained absence from their meeting, Daniela bitterly stormed back home to her dorm. She had half a mind to say no when Ellie called her with a half-assed explanation and asked if she could come over to retrieve her jacket. But after giving in, Ellie arrived at her dorm room within half an hour. 

It wasn’t a total shock to Ellie when she was greeted with a look of annoyance when Daniela opened the door for her. Ellie attempted to feign a guilty expression, but all that she could muster was an indifferent grimace. Daniela said nothing as she silently beckoned Ellie to follow her and come in, an AirPod playing music loudly in one ear. 

Ellie took a quick glance around the place, never having actually been inside Daniela’s room before. The twin-size beds, old wooden dressers, and scuffed-up desks were an all-too-familiar sight for Ellie, having gone through the same torturous experience herself only a couple of years back in her freshman year. But a few things were different as Daniela and her roommate had attempted to really personalize their living area. Ellie tried not to make a face of repulsion when spotting a few Taylor Swift concert posters above one of the desks. 

Daniela plopped onto, what Ellie had assumed was, her bed but made no gesture that welcomed Ellie to do the same. She merely stared at her passively as Ellie tried to avoid looking her directly in the eye. 

“You’re an hour late.” Daniela pointed out. 

“Only fifty-two minutes late.” Ellie attempted to joke. 

Daniela only hummed in response, unsmiling. She picked up a faded brown jacket that was sitting on top of her pillow by the collar and handed it over to Ellie. 

“Thanks,” Ellie muttered, tucking the jacket under her arm. “Uh, thanks a lot for looking after it. Needed it back ‘cause it’s really my dad’s old jacket.” 

“Oh, sorry. I would have given it back sooner if I knew that.” Daniela replied, not sounding the least bit sorry. 

“It’s okay.” Ellie mumbled awkwardly. 

There was an uncomfortable moment or two of complete silence where Daniela continued to merely gaze at Ellie, unwavering and unapologetic, while Ellie focused her eyes on her Converse as she wrung her hands together. 

“Hey, look…” Ellie eventually spoke up. “I really am sorry about being late. I just had a really important emergency that I had to deal with.” 

“It’s fine,” Daniela replied remorselessly. “Tara told me that you suddenly had to deal with some shit.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“Tara. Tara Maclay. She works with me at Ruston.” 

“Oh, right.” 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“Your ex-girlfriend, right?” Daniela asks unexpectedly. 

“What?” 

“Your ex-girlfriend. The shit you had to deal with tonight.” 

“Oh, uh…” 

“No point in lying, Ellie.” Daniela shrugged. “Tara already told me the gist.” 

“Oh. What did she say exactly?” 

“Not much. Said that you needed to help deal with something for someone you both know. She didn’t tell me exactly that it was your ex-girlfriend, but it was pretty obvious. I read between the lines.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“She really shouldn’t have told you all that.” 

“She was ranting to another co-worker and I overheard your name and I was curious.” Daniela shrugged again, unabashed. 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“So you still into your ex or something, Ellie?” Daniela spoke up again. 

“She’s not really my ex-girlfriend.” 

“Whatever.” 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“Well?” Daniela asked. 

“It’s kind of complicated.” 

“That’s just the bullshit way of saying yes,” Daniela rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t matter if she’s your ‘ex’ or whatever.” 

“Look, Daniela—” 

“I know we aren’t serious or whatever, but I don’t really feel like dealing with someone else’s ex drama.” 

“There’s no drama. I don’t even speak to her anymore.” 

“And yet you ditched me to go and help her out with something earlier.” 

“It’s not like that. And it was also an emergency.” 

“So you said.” 

Ellie wasn’t sure why she felt the need to explain herself to a girl she barely knew. Part of her felt compelled to do so as if she could continue to actively ignore her feelings by saying these things out loud. 

Another awkward moment of silence. 

“God, you’re such an asshole fuckboy, Ellie.” 

“Hey, what the fuck—” 

“You know that you can get girls and do, but you just like to fuck around with them and play with their feelings.” 

“Alright, first of all, you said yourself that we’re nothing serious. We’ve barely even done anything.” Ellie said defensively. “Second, I literally just said that I don’t even talk to her anymore! Not even tonight!” 

Ellie scoffed as Daniela rolled her eyes once more. 

“Look,” Ellie continued through gritted teeth. “I’m sorry that I was late tonight. And I get it if your feelings are hurt. But nothing’s happening between me and my ex.” 

“You just said that she wasn’t your ex.” 

“Sh-she’s— she’s not, she’s—” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Daniela muttered as stood up from her bed. “At this point, I’m over it, and I really don’t give a fuck anymore. You’re hot and all, Ellie. But this is not worth it.” 

She popped an AirPod in her ear once more and sauntered over to the door. 

“Word of advice. Figure out your feelings for this ‘ex’ of yours and decide if you actually wanna be with her or not before getting involved with anyone else. Nobody deserves that hanging over their head, especially when you’re so clearly still in love with her.” 

And with that, Daniela opened the door and peered at her expectantly. Ellie took the hint and walked towards her direction and through the doorway. Before Ellie could fully turn around and give any parting words, Daniela shut the door in her face. 

Present 

Ellie collapses onto her bed next to Joel’s old motorcycle jacket. She pulls her phone out again, contemplating calling Jesse and Dina once more. But realizing they’ll probably call her if they have anything important that they feel she needs to know, she drops the phone down to her side in defeat. 

She continues to lay in her bed for a while, stewing in her unresolved feelings with nobody to confide in. Closing her eyes, her mind begins to race against her will with reminders of the path life led her down after you. 

First was Marisol. Less than two months into sophomore year of college, Jesse and Dina were completely aghast to see Ellie walking around campus with a girl they’d never seen her with before. She was in Ellie’s Aerospace Engineering class, and Ellie had claimed to have had an eye on her since last year. Jesse and Dina watched helplessly as their friend flaunted her new girlfriend around everywhere for the next couple of months. 

Ellie wasn’t initially sure what it was that attracted her to Marisol in the first place. She was naturally beautiful with her long, black hair and slender figure, and she was the textbook definition of a perfect girlfriend. It took two and a half months of overly extravagant dates and bouquets of Marisol’s favourite flowers and late nights spent at her dorm room for Ellie to understand what it was about Marisol that she was drawn to: it was her eyes. Down to the specks in her irises and how her eyelids curved, Marisol’s eyes resembled yours far too well. After coming to this harrowing realization, Ellie quickly broke things off with her tactlessly and with a half-assed, mostly untrue justification. 

The next was Luz who she had met during her near-daily workouts at the gym with Jesse. Ellie spent several autumn weeks with them, allowing Luz to whisk her about to different parties with different groups of friends every weekend. But one fateful night when they had dragged Ellie to a party at the same Sigma Eta frat house where you’d both first met, a bad acid trip cemented the end of her time with Luz. 

As Ellie’s dilated pupils focused intensely on Luz’s black boots, a pair very similar to your favourites, she felt a sensation begin to roughly tug at something inside her. From her spot on the living room couch, her eyes darted up to a spot by the wall where a small group of partygoers were congregating. She zeroed in on a random girl she’d never seen before whose multi-coloured features, as a result of LSD brain fog, began to morph into those of someone she was desperately trying to forget.

Once the last parts of the stranger’s face had fully formed to impersonate yours, she abruptly stood up from her slouched position on the couch, muttered an excuse to Luz about using the bathroom, and desperately begged Jesse to come pick her up immediately. After Jesse helped her click on her seatbelt in the passenger seat with a tight-lipped expression where he fought the urge to remind her of the significance of this house, Ellie never looked back and swore never to trip on acid again, subsequently ghosting Luz after that night. 

A couple of weeks before winter break, she met a sweet and quiet girl named Simi. They met through a dating app during one of Ellie’s crossfaded swiping sprees at 2 in the morning. Ellie’s affair with her was extremely short-lived, ending things with her a day before everyone left campus to head home for the holidays. While spending the day hanging out at Simi’s dorm room as her new girlfriend packed for her trip home, Ellie suddenly and unfairly started a fight with her after Simi had begun to mindlessly sing the song “Merry Christmas Darling” under her breath. 

Ellie had unkindly demanded for her to “shut up” immediately, understandably hurting Simi’s feelings. The fight was short and confusing, as Ellie had refused to elaborate on her sudden explosion. As she unceremoniously marched out of the dorm room, Ellie aggressively tried to suppress memories of you singing that same Carpenters song on a loop all of December of the previous year. You’d claimed you couldn’t get it out of your head and needed to sing it out loud at least fifty times a day so you could stop thinking about it. Though Ellie had playfully cussed you out and thrown several pillows at you on multiple occasions, that song now belonged to you forever and nobody else. 

After Simi were strings of countless others, some who had used Ellie as their brief college lesbian experience and many whose names Ellie would never be able to recall. She never hooked up with the same person more than twice, never actually took another one out for an actual date until Daniela. 

Ellie had found Daniela incredibly pretty when she’d first laid eyes on her on a warm September afternoon earlier in the year. She was lounging on the quad as Dina did her homework and Jesse lazily strummed his guitar when a group of freshmen walked by. Ellie hadn’t spared them a glance until one of the girls approached her, all shy and giggly, and said that one of her friends found Ellie very cute. After pointing Daniela out and asking for her number, Ellie shrugged and relented. She ignored Dina and Jesse’s identical judgmental looks and eye-rolls in her peripheral vision. 

Ellie enjoyed the undivided attention of someone completely enamoured by her. Daniela was constantly responsive, did whatever Ellie wanted to do, and was always so eager to please her. Ellie’d bring her to the movies, go on long drives with her in her Jeep, take her to whatever restaurants she’d want to eat at. 

To anyone who keenly observed when they were together, it was quite obvious who was far more invested between the two. Despite spending an ample amount of time with her in the past month or so, Ellie continued to keep Daniela at arm’s length. On multiple occasions when Ellie’d convinced Jesse and Dina to allow Daniela to accompany them, the long-time couple would watch how disconnected their friend was from this new girl she’d been seeing.

Dina would constantly give Jesse a raised eyebrow look that silently would ask, “Is she really serious?” to which Jesse would give her a tight-lipped, wordless grimace that replied with “We both know she’s a fucking dumbass.” They both placed bets on when exactly Ellie would eventually ditch this new girlfriend. 

Unbeknownst to them, it’s Ellie who was so easily discarded this time around. Feeling so unmoved and unaffected about the split with Daniela, Ellie tries to feel some kind of guilt over her lack of reciprocation. It’s her own actions, after all, that landed her dumped in the first place. She’s never fully seen Daniela as an actual girlfriend, and she knows full well that she shouldn’t have strung her along. 

But as she continues to lay in her bed, ocean green eyes shut and a hand woven through her auburn locks, she thinks of only you. 

Ellie can’t remember a single moment in her life when she’s felt more in need of another person’s company than she does at this very moment. Unable to trouble Dina to be her listening ear as she always is or bother Jesse to bluntly set her straight as usual, she feels the loneliness of the gloomy, dark room creep into her guilty conscience. 

Her fingers begin to mindlessly search her bedsheets as she continues to stare at her decrepit bedroom ceiling, seeking for her silver joint box that had fallen out of her pocket when she’d collapsed on her bed. Instead of the feel of cold metal, her hand comes across something smooth and warm. Pulling the brown leather jacket up to her face, Ellie’s mind murmurs a single word. 

Joel. 

She pulls her phone out to search for her father’s face within her favourite contacts. She hesitates for a moment but pushes herself to call. 

Joel picks up after only two rings. 

“Ellie? Jesus, kiddo, what the hell time is it?” 

“Hello to you too, old man.” Ellie chuckles. 

“Everythin’ alright?” Joel’s voice asks, tired but urgent. 

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I guess.” 

Ellie can almost hear her father sitting up straight in bed. 

“What’s wrong, Ellie?” 

“I-I…” She stutters. “Joel…” 

With a whimpering tone, she suddenly recounts the night’s events in complete detail. Joel listens attentively, only ever interrupting with sharp intakes of breath and hushed, imperceptible asides. After listening to his daughter’s sorrowful spiel, he finally speaks. 

“Oh, baby girl…” Joel utters. “I truly am sorry. It’s been a real rough night for all of y’all.” 

“Yeah…” 

“That poor kid… I’m glad she had you three lookin’ out for her tonight.” 

Ellie says nothing to this, pursing her lips. 

“How about you, Ellie?” Joel continues. “How are you feelin’ after everythin’ that’s happened?” 

“I-I’m not really sure. I’m not sure I know how to feel.” 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to just yet. It just happened and all.” 

“All I feel is so much fucking guilt, Joel. It feels like my mind is empty but overflowing all at the same time. I feel so motherfucking powerless and I don’t know what to do.” 

There’s a moment of silence before her father speaks again. 

“You given any thought to the conversation we had before you left for school, kiddo?” 

Last August: Jackson 

Ellie’s bedroom was full of boxes and bags packed with everything she planned to bring to college for her junior year. The space was slightly more barren, closet mostly empty and trinkets missing from her shelves. It was only a couple more days before she, Dina, and Jesse would be making their journey back to their university, and she was uncharacteristically ahead of schedule. 

Leaning against her desk with a box full of comic books on the floor next to her, she was casually perusing an old graphic novel when Joel appeared in her open doorway. 

“Knock, knock.” 

“The door’s open, old man. Also, you can literally just walk in, you know.” 

“Who raised you to have so much cheek against your elders, kid?” 

“You, dude.” 

The pair smirked at each other’s smart-mouthed retorts. 

“Need any help packin’ up?” 

“Nah. It’s pretty much done except for a handful of essentials.” 

“Including that book you’re holdin’ right now?” 

“Like I said: essentials.” 

Joel chuckled. 

“Well, the Changs sent over some dinner for us, if you want some. Wisa made K-kaw… Khao Tom Pa… no, Plah…” Joel stuttered, making an effort to pronounce the Thai dish correctly. “Khao Tom Plah, that’s it. She brought some over earlier, thought we might want some. She even made it without the prawns, just the way you like it.” 

“Sick. She’s the best. I’ll text Jesse later to thank her.” 

“Good.” 

Joel lingered as Ellie went back to reading her comic, wistfully looking around his daughter’s nearly vacated bedroom. His eyes fell on a small box sitting at the foot of Ellie’s bed. It was an ordinary, cardboard box just as the others were, except it was heavily sealed with multiple layers of silver duct tape. He frowned. 

“Still plannin’ on bringin’ that box?” 

“What do you mean?” Ellie asked, knowing exactly what her father was referring to without looking up. 

“You know you can just leave it here at home, right? It ain’t like I go through your doohickeys when you ain’t here.” 

“So you do go through my shit when I am here?” 

“Ellie.” 

“What?” 

“Why the hell are you doing this to yourself, kid?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“We’ve been having this same conversation for the past year now.” 

Ellie finally peeled her eyes away from her graphic novel, tossing it on the desk behind her and crossing her arms. 

“You’re the one who keeps bringing it up, Joel.” 

“I bring it up because I know that you ain’t been talkin’ about these feelings with anyone. Not me or Jesse or Dina. It’s been a year since you ditched that poor girl, and you’re still sulkin’ over it.” 

“She ditched me.” 

“Hold your horses; we both know that ain’t true.” 

“What do you want from me, old man?” 

“I want you to be happy, kiddo.” 

“What makes you think I’m not happy?” 

“Now, don’t try to bullshit me. You can grumble and deny it ‘til the cows come home, but even after all this time, all you ever do is brood and pine after that girl. Plain as day to anyone. You ain’t been the same since y’all broke up.” 

“We weren’t together.” 

“Yes, you were.” 

Joel ignored his daughter’s subsequent eye-roll before continuing. 

“You still have the box, Ellie.” 

“I just forgot I even had it.” 

“And yet, you’re bringin’ it to school with you, just like you did last year. Why?” 

“It was just in my closet stuffed in with all this other shit I don’t touch. Had to take it out while I was packing.” 

“That ain’t amount to a hill o’ beans. And you still ain’t answer my question.” 

“Sorry, dude.” 

“Ellie. You and I would down to Beacon Run all the damn time back when you were growin’ up. You used to beg me to go for dinner whenever you had a hankerin’ to order that cheesy crab dip with all those chips and jalapeños and such.” 

Ellie raised her eyebrow, unsure where her father was going with this. 

“Then all of a sudden, a few years ago, you seemed to hate the place. You’ll maybe get a plate of fries and nothin’ else. Matter of fact, I can’t, for the life of me, recall the last time I’ve seen you eat a plate of seafood with any kind of shellfish in it.” 

Joel’s greying eyes pierced Ellie’s ocean green. 

“Two years.” He continued. “It’s been two years. You almost never eat any kind of seafood no more, and even the Changs never cook us anythin’ that has shrimps or scallops or anythin’ of the like.”

Joel watched as his daughter stubbornly struggled to justify herself. He sighed sadly. 

“I wish you’d let yourself be happy, Ellie. You could be.” 

“That so? How do you figure that?” 

“First step is admitting exactly what is clear as day to everyone around you.” 

“Oh, yeah? And what is that?” 

Present Day 

“J-Joel… I-I…” Ellie sobs. “I love her.” 

“I know, baby girl.” 

Joel helplessly listens to his daughter’s desperate weeping from the other end of the line. 

“So,” He eventually asks in between her snivels. “What now?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” She sniffs. 

“Kiddo, why do you think your feelings don’t matter?” 

“Because relationships do not work for me. Love doesn’t work for me.” 

“Your relationship with her didn’t work. Past tense. It’s been years. It was a tough situation. You’re a different person now.” Joel clarifies. “And there’s plenty love ‘round you, kiddo. You got a lotta love in your life. I need you t’realize that.” 

“Except I-I’m not a different person, Joel. I-I am just an older, slightly more experienced version of myself. I-I…” Ellie stutters. “I’m afraid.” 

“Of course you are, kid. It’s only natural.” Joel replies. “But you can’t live your whole life closed off from the rest of the world. You need and deserve love, Ellie.” 

“Except I don’t, Joel! I fucking don’t!” She cries. “God, y-you just, you just don’t understand!” 

“What don’t I understand?” 

“She almost fucking died!” Ellie nearly screams. 

A silence falls between the two, only broken by Ellie’s hot and angry tears noisily dropping onto the old leather jacket. She grips it tightly in one hand before continuing. 

“I-if… if none of it happened… if I d-didn’t do all that to h-her all those years ago…” She stutters between shaky lips. “M-maybe she wouldn’t be where she is now. She wouldn’t have gone on a date w-with someone who didn’t know about…” 

Ellie chokes back a sob. 

“I-I… I would have known. I would have t-taken care of her. I would never have—” 

“Ellie.” 

“She needed me, and I… I let her down. Not just tonight. All those years ago. I couldn’t be what she needed. I fucking failed her.” 

“It’s not that simple, kid.” 

“Yes, it is! Her cousin fucking died! He was her whole fucking world, and she loved him more than anything, and he fucking died and I… I ran. I abandoned her.” 

The blurry memory of your sleeping figure in the passenger seat of Ellie’s Jeep appears in front of her, wrapped up cozily in her flannel as she drives you home from Jackson and naive to what lies ahead. 

“I know… I know what I’m capable of, Joel. I loved her so much all those years ago and… I still hurt her. I hurt her so fucking badly.” 

Your image transforms to one of you awake and livid, Ellie’s flannel torn off and tears streaming down your face. Anger and betrayal are etched all over your face, just like they were all those years ago. The shame she’d felt back then is incomparable to what she feels now. 

“I don’t ever want to do that to her again, ever. I just can’t. I won’t.” 

Joel sighs deeply before finally speaking. 

“Ellie. That fear is always gonna be there. But you’re young, and we make plenty of mistakes in our youth. God knows how much of my past I used to regret.” 

Ellie takes deep breaths as her father continues to speak. 

“Everythin’ that happened tonight? None of it was your fault. In fact, I reckon you’re the reason she’s still livin’ and breathin’ right now. I’m proud of you for that.” 

“All I did was—” 

“All you did was save her life.” 

Ellie sniffles but doesn’t respond. 

“Look, kiddo,” Joel continues. “As someone who has known you for a very long time, I know how much of a good heart you got. You’re a lovin’ person who deserves love. I wish you could believe that.” 

The sound of people entering through the front door echoes all around the empty apartment, but Ellie hears nothing else but the sound of her own agonized sobs. 

author’s notes:

belle posting TWO chapters of ncty within less than two weeks of each other??? what is this, may 2023???

saury for not posting this right away like promised yesterday, like i said, going thru some shit rn! but i hope y'all enjoyed regardless ♥︎

i'll give you a kiss on the mouth if you guess the bollywood movie i vaguely reference at the beginning of the chapter :)

the idea of reader being allergic to shellfish and going into anaphylactic shock came to me one day a while back when i was eating something with shrimp and randomly remembered that i am very allergic to shellfish and instead of being like, "i should go take some medicine immediately", i thought, "hmm this would be a wild plot point for ncty" LMFAOOOO

anyway, this is your reminder that if you have an epipen, don't be stupid, bring that shit with you wherever you go sldkfjsdl

the more of jesse that i include in this series, the more i enjoy writing him. he's such a fun character to write hehe

i thought having abby sipping on some hot, black coffee when ellie fucking canonically hates coffee was so hilarious, i pat myself on the fucking back for that one

yes i also pat myself on the back for the line regarding ellie's ocean green eyes and abby's sky blue ones. i fucking love parallels and symbolism. i'm a whore for them, in fact.

btw dina doesn't respond to ellie's phone call bc her phone died (prob from facetiming ellie for that long earlier in the night) and idk, jesse's either not paying attention or being petty LMFAO

the reappearance of barbie bearrrrr, my babyyyy. idk if y'all remember, but yes, barbie bear is a reference to the actual stuffed pink bear i sleep with every night named barbie. i had planned since chapter 4 (which is the chapter barbie bear is first mentioned) for ellie to have had her this whole time because i'm a fucking lunatic LOL

i mentioned in the author's notes section of the last chapter how reader's letterwriting hobby is inspired by me irl cause i do that all the time for friends, but reader's letter in this chapter is actually loosely based on a letter that soulmate ex wrote me, it's not word for word exactly, i altered it a bit to fit the story better, but it's very close because i'm INSANE, anyway

yes "i think i love you again" is on my playlist about my ex-girlfriend and "merry christmas darling" is on his playlist for me, go away

ellie's clear aversion to taylor swift is both a reference to a previous chapter where jesse subtly mentions her dislike for her and also to my personal belief that ellie really would not like her as a person or an artist at all irl lmfao

the names of all of ellie's ex gfs or whatever are inspired by something very specific but that's another heehee secret trivia that nobody else but me will ever know about (let's be real, i'll prob tell star later LOL)

i named jesse's mom after one of my fave co-workers hehe (and the dish she makes for them is thai bc my co-worker is from thailand)

ellie's declaration of love about reader that she makes to joel has also been a long time planned now, idk why i knew it was gonna be chapter 13 when i did it, but i just knew it was. it was always the plan for her to confess it out loud to joel first, above anyone else

the final conversation between ellie and joel is heavily inspired by a scene from one of my fave tv shows, crazy ex-girlfriend. the scene makes me bawl every time i watch it. please watch crazy ex-girlfriend. so good.

we really are thirteen chapters into this series, huh? crazy. anyway, love y'all. <3

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn, @uraesthete

softbunlvr, @amitycat, @thefishymissy, @yevheniiaaaa, @machetegirl109, @bertandfearnie, @ximtiredx, @efam, elliesnumber1gf, @digit4lslut, tayyyystan, @emothurman, livvy-2000, abigaillovestoread, @gold-dustwomxn

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@thestarsanctuary, @aethelwyneleigh27, cass00x, @mulan-but-gay, @carmellie, @destielcore, tfuuka, @ellielover69, @ewwitsbella,

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please note that i am no longer accepting requests to be added to the taglist, so if you would like to be notified when a new chapter comes out, please follow @belleloves and turn notifications on!

[goodwhump-temp]

Shawn Spencer Whump | Psych

1x02 Spellingg Bee - Motorcycle crash, hospital, knee brace, limp, bumps into bin, pain 1x03 Woman Seeking Dead Husband - Held at gunpoint x2 1x05 Lives - Held at gunpoint 1x06 Weekend Warriors - Held at gunpoint 1x15 Scary Sherry - Nightmare

2x02 65 Million Years Off - Shot at, scared 2x03 Psy vs Psy - Hostage 2x04 Zero to Murder in 60s - Brief boo-boo (chair race sabatoged) 2x05 And Down the Stretch... - Childhood bully 2x07 If You're So Smart... - Bullied by children 2x09 Bounty Hunters! - Handcuffed, jumps off boat, held at gunpoint 2x13 Lights, Camera… - Nearly nailed to death (38:00), character funeral 2x15 Black and Tan - Sad (18:30) 2x16 Shawn (and Gus) of the Dead - Mummy 'curse'

3x01 Ghosts - [Flashback; emo/arrested] Increasingly angry about mothers' return, confrontation, heartbroken 3x04 Greatest Adventure in the History of Basic Cable - Shot at, chased x3, restrained, held at helicopter-point and gunpoint, betrayed 3x06 There Might Be Blood - Held at gunpoint, dangerous confrontation 3x08 Gus Walks Into A Bank - Held back, worried, bank hostage, tight gus hug, manhandled 3x10 Six Feet Under the Sea - Held at gunpoint 3x11 Lassie Did a Bad, Bad Thing - Punched unconscious, hostage, held at gunpoint, pistol whipped, fatherly care, nearly passes out (40:15) 3x12 Earth, Wind And… - Runs into burning building, oxygen mask, held at firepoint, caught in burning building, briefly thought dead, coughing/smoke inhalation 3x13 Any Given Friday Night at 10PM - 'Abducted' 3x14 Truer Lies - Held at gunpoint 3x15 Tuesday the 17th - 'Trips', held at 'knifepoint' 3x16 An Evening with Mr. Yang - Angry, mom held hostage, scared, heartbroken

4x01 Extradition: British Colombia - Held at gunpoint x2 4x02 He Dead - Daddy issues 4x03 High Noon-ish - Stampede/pushed, falls into mineshaft, pain, held at gunpoint, trapped 4x04 Devil is in the Details… - Confession 4x05 Shawn Gets the Yips - Scared/dumb ("bomb" on treadmill) 4x06 Bollywood Homicide - Slapped (39:15) 4x07 High Top Fade Out - Held at gunpoint, shot at 4x09 Shawn Takes A Shot in the Dark - Shot, abducted/missing, bleeding, pain, knocked unconscious, choked, jumps on moving car, weak, sling 4x10 You Can't Handle This Episode - Shot at 4x12 A Very Juliet Episode - Held at gunpoint, punched x2, knocked down x2, kicked 4x16 Mr. Yin Presents - Nightmare, angry, heartbroken x2, fatherly love

5x01 Romeo & Juliet & Juliet - Held at gunpoint, falls through window, kicked through wall, insane dodging skillz, knocked down, sore 5x03 Not Even Close, Encounters - Held at gunpoint/abducted by 'aliens' 5x04 Chivalry is Not Dead - Hanging upside down (tomato face), poisoned, collapse, hospital, unconscious 5x07 Ferry Tale - Held at gunpoint x2, hostage, kicked in the face, tear gas inhalation, restrained, trips/tumbles down a hill 5x09 One, Maybe Two, Ways Out - Seriously heartbroken 5x12 Dual Spires - Trapped in burning house 5x13 We'd Like to Thank the Academy - Held at gunpoint x2 5x16 Yang 3 in 2D - Held at shotgunpoint, scared

6x01 Shawn Rescues Darth Vader - Jumps off roof 6x02 Last Night Gus - Hungover, stressed, jumps from balcony, shot at 6x04 Amazing Psych-Man & Tap-Man - Trips, found unconscious, punched, kicked x2, thrown, sand to the eye, exhausted 6x06 Shawn Interrupted - Mental patient, hands covered, knocked unconscious, restrained, held at gunpoint 6x09 Neil Simons Lover Retreat - Robbed, heartbroken x2 (29:35), smile through the pain (42:00) 6x10 Indiana Shawn and the Temple - Hand stuck, slapped, manhandled, held at gunpoint, 'crying' 6x13 Let's Doo-Wap it Again - Appendicitis, collapse, hospital drama-queen, held at gunpoint, drugged, drugs wear off, le rigor mortis, le pain, le kitty cat! 6x16 Santabarbaratown - Held at knifepoint, knocked unconscious, black-eye

7x01 Santabarbaratown 2 - Scared, angry, thrown, active mine, held at gunpoint x3, Lassie love 7x02 Juliet Takes A Luvvah - Traumatized (27:00) 7x03 Lassie Jerky - Shot at, held at gunpoint 7x04 No Country For Two Old Men - Held at gunpoint 7x06 Cirque Du Soul - Pain from pull-ups 7x07 Deez Nups - Huge confession, heartbroken 7x08 Right Turn Or Left For Dead - Insomnia, regret, depressed, head slammed into glass, bruise, concussion, denial, stabbed, nearly hit by truck, headache, tackled 7x11 Office Space - Poked x2, trips, bloody nose, scared, framed 7x14 No Trout About It - Painful yoga, choked, fired

8x01 Lock, Stock… - Held at gunpoint, "restrained" 8x05 COG Blocked - Jumpscared out of hammock, painful poke, body decked by cane, held at gunpoint 8x07 Shawn & Gus Truck Things Up - Hand squeezed painfully 8x09 Nightmare on State Street - Slapped, zombie 8x10 The Break-Up - Nervous, held at gunpoint, shot at, emotional

[evilsoup]

a thing that i like is like us... i guess i'd call it aesthetic excess, in art. Whatever it is you're doing, you're going all-in. The Lynch Dune movie has this, the latest Dune movies don't. JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Tengen Toppa Gurenn Lagann, FLCL, Kill La Kill, and some other shonen animes have this; the concept of "sakuga" is strongly related. A fair number of Bollywood action films seem to take it as their brief to deliver moments of aesthetic excess, essentially live-action sakuga. The original Infinity Gauntlet does this, the Infinity War movies don't. You know what i mean.

[silmarillionwritersguild]

The world's largest film industry isn't Hollywood, with its stars and scandals and endless sequels but Bollywood, the film industry that originated in Bombay in the late 19th century, more than a decade before Hollywood got its start. This month's challenge celebrates the lively dances, glittering costumes, towering emotions, and music you can't get out of your head of Bollywood.

Prompts this month come from Bollywood films and will be assigned by a moderator. You can request your prompt on Dreamwidth, ask us here on Tumblr, the #monthly-challenges channel on our Discord, or by emailing the mods. You can specify whether you'd like a song, film title, trope, or color palette—or you can let us surprise you! (If you choose a song, let us know if you'd like a song with an English translation available.) As always, you can use any aspect of your prompt to inspire your fanwork.

In some cases, we provide an intentionally brief and vague synopsis of a film or definition of a concept so that creators can get started with a prompt without having to do additional research. However, creators are welcome to dig deeper into a prompt if they want to and use what they learn to inspire a fanwork. For example, you might find that the film in your prompt has a clever subplot you will write a story around, the music video for a song has costumes you will include in a drawing, or a concept has aspects not included in our definition that you wish to use to make a playlist. While this is not required, you should feel free to dig as deeply into the prompts if you want and use anything you find!

In order to receive a stamp for your fanwork, your response must be posted to the archive on or before 15 August 2024. In addition, July is Disability Pride Month, so we have a special stamp for fanworks that include characters with disabilities. Make sure it is clear from your summary or let a moderator know if you need this stamp. For complete challenge guidelines, see the Challenges page on our website.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

~*~

1. Hi! I'm in the mood for a fic where someone tries to harm A-Yuan and WWX/LWJ go full Liam Neeson (crazy/protective/vengeful) on whoever threatened their child @cuyrecesses

For The Love Of A Child by KHB123 (T, 7k, WIP, WangXian, LSZ & WWX, Angst and Tragedy, Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Sacrifice, First Siege of the Burial Mounds, YLLZ WWX, Sad WWX, WWX loves his son, Baby LSZ, Blood and Violence, Aftermath of Violence, Protective WWX, Descent into Madness, LSZ Loves his 'Xian-gege', Scared LSZ, Family Loss)

Safe in Your Arms by Rainewritesfanfics (T, 4k, LSZ & WWX & LWJ, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Protective WWX, YLLZ WWX, Minor WangXian, Major Character Injury, POV LSZ, Good Parents LWJ and WWX, Hostage Situations, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family Feels, Father-Son Relationship)

Hysterical Strength by covalentbonds (Not Rated, 3k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, playing loose with canon, Inspired by a Bollywood movie scene, Parent WWX, Fix-It of Sorts, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies) &lt;3

always beside me by loosingletters (T, 1k, JC & JL, LSZ & WWX, Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Good Kid LSZ, Codependency, POV JL, Monster WWX) this maybe counts?

~*~

2. Hi! For the next itmf, does anyone know of fics in which lwj is present when lxc calls wwx the biggest mistake of his life? Or in which he gets told about it later? Thank you!!

When has silence saved anyone? by Vrishchika (T, 6k, wangxian, WWX & LSZ & LWJ, post-canon, LXC critical, not LXC friendly, angry LWJ, angry LSZ, family feels, WWX protection squad, LXC gets scolded)

Wei Ying Was Not A "MISTAKE" by Jeeny271196 (Not rated, 6k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, BAMF LWJ, confrontation, hurt/comfort, protective LWJ, not LXC friendly)

~*~

3. Hello! I'm looking for recs for hurt/comfort one shots! Especially appreciated if there's talk about feelings or discussing of canon events! Thank you so much

ransom by alessandriana (G, 3k, JC & WWX, hurt/comfort, dizziness, fainting) 

love lies beyond words by acrosticacrumpet (G, 4k, JC & WWX, post-canon, whump, angst, hurt/comfort, reconciliation, self-worth issues)

in your skin by darkredloveknot (enheduane) (E, 10k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together, Horror, Body Horror, Blood and Gore, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Non-Consensual Body Modification, kinda??, Reflections over death and self-worth, mentions of canon suicide, Near Death Experiences, [Podfic] in your skin by flamingwell)

a buried and burning flame by otherhippo (hippopotamus) (T, 17k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kinda dark?, Angst with a Happy Ending, does it count as bedsharing if theres…no bed, Imprisonment, Hurt/Comfort)

some good mistakes by Lise (T, 18k, WangXian, JC & WWX, JC & LWJ, Road Trips, (terrible road trips), Post-Canon, Rescue Missions, Hurt/Comfort, ish, Awkward Conversations, POV JC, JC & WWX Reconciliation, (ish they’re working on it)

the sea remembers your voice by spiritlure (M, 40k, wangxian, angst w happy ending, hurt/comfort, case fic)

What's Wrong With Him? by GrapefruitSketches (G, 2k, JYL & LWJ, JYL & WWX & JC, wangxian, canon compliant, hurt/comfort, hurt WWX, pining LWJ, JYL pov, oblivious WWX, unconcious WWX, concerned JYL, JYL knows everything)

~*~

4. Heii, if you don't mind for the next ITMF, do you know any fic with bedridden WWX

Thank youu very much!! @lil-dusty-rose

🧡 Company by WithBroomBefore (T, 29k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Pre-Relationship, Getting Together, POV LWJ, Fix-It, Pre-Canon, at least to start, WWX goes to Cloud Recesses, But Not In The Usual Way, fear of character death, Everybody Lives, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Light Angst, good teacher LQR, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, brief discussion of past minor character suicide, Kitten, Not YZY Friendly) He's bedridden for a bit in the beginning - Mod c

🧡 To have and to hold by Moominmammashandbag (M, 78k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Major character injury, CQL verse, Happy Ending)

~*~

5. Itmf any fics where Zhao zhuliu aka wen zhuliu regrets what theyre doing at wen ruohan's orders. And/or rebels against him or his sons? Either in small subtle ways or by switching to another side? Also be interested in stories that state how Zhao zhuliu became a wen, his history with the violet spider, why he feels indebted to wen ruohan, etc.

~*~

6. For ITMF i would love anything where the identity of the yiling laozu is unknown, like if wwx never came back after being thrown in the burial mounds but fought from the shadows/started to cleanse the burial mounds/is just living his best life in yiling with the dafan wens anything along these vibes 🩷🩵

The Scarlet Lotus by rainbowninja167 (M, 115k, WIP, WangXian, Marriage of Convenience, Secret Identity, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical war crimes, Yunmeng Bros, the mortifying ordeal of getting seduced by your own husband, nonlinear chronology we die like cql, just kidding nobody dies in this fic, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication)

my life's journey is far from over by thelastdboy (E, 148k, WangXian, Modern AU, Canon Divergence, Madam Lán Lives, JYL Lives, WQ Lives, Post-Sunshot Campaign, POV WWX, Slow Burn, YLLZ WWX, Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, Modern AU but not too modern™, mlm/wlw solidarity, Kink Negotiation, Kink Exploration, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, WWX Lives, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Burial Mounds Ensemble as Family, Single Parent WWX, Selectively Mute LWJ, Eventual Smut, Light Dom/sub, WangXian Get a Happy Ending)

Grief Kindly Stopped by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 5k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Identity Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV LWJ, AU after WWX gets dropped in the Burial Mounds, Light Horror, Fix-It)

~*~

7. Are there any fics where WWX is being babied by the Burial Mounds/ghosts/resentful stuff? Like, idk maybe the BM really likes WWX and wants to keep him because he's really nice to them and actually tries his very best to not get dragged to the dark path (a.k.a. power hungry madness like WRH maybe) Don't necessarily need the exact points above, just wanna read some BM & WWX relationships

The burial mounds decree by PeTit_flUer (Not Rated, 52k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core revival, Sentient Burial Mounds) Also I suggest to the person to look into the tag "Sentient Burial Mounds" because there is quite a few fics that might fit the ask.

~*~

8. Hello Please suggest some fics where LWJ/WW are turned into a kid and the other takes care of them. Age regression. I have read the gold and silver, grow and few more famous ones, but my soul craves for more, please share if you have any. Love you guys @dramaqueenrolf

A Little Happiness by Suspicious_Popsicle (M, 20k, WangXian, post-canon, age regression/de-aging)

Little One by xxxMiaHikarixxx (G, 22k, WIP, WangXian, protective Lans, Little WWX, talisman/array went wrong, Protective LWJ, WWX living on the streets, Happy Ending, happy WWX, protective juniors, Post-Canon Fix-It, WWX's time on the streets, Some angst)

Dead Languages by chinuplilpup (G, 16k, WIP, LWJ & WWX, LSZ & WWX, LWJ & The Wens, LWJ & WQ, Canon Divergence, Yílíng Wèi Sect, Age Regression/De-Aging, De-Aged WWX, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Ghosts, Autistic LWJ)

Staying Close to You by Venon (G, 12k, WIP, LWJ & WWX, young lwj, he's cursed, And lost, Memory Loss, Cuteness overload, WWX Can't Handle, WQ is so Done with WWX, Little LWJ is a Gremlin, Burial Mounds Ensemble as Family)

~*~

9. itmf for xicheng fics preferably the main focus of the fics rather than wangxian

I don't even mind if it's modern universe

Love me some post canon fics Or pre sunshot campaign getting together romance

Preferably no past xiyao pls

and kind of long fics pls

The Song Of The Souls by mercury_retrograde (E, 27k, JC/LXC, soulmates, arranged marriage, non-traditional ABO, angst, hurt/comfort, jealousy, pining, courtship, heat, mating bites, mating rituals, omega JC, alpha LXC, BAMF JC, bad parents JFM & YZY, discrimination, dark LXC, protective LXC, smut) everything by that author is great 🥰

~*~

10. i'm in the mood for a fic where wwx agrees to an arranged marriage with lwj in exchange for protection for the wens. thanks!

Mariage Blanc by Solmae (M, 8k, wangxian, canon divergence, marriage of convenience, married wangxian, not actually unrequited love, golden core reveal, WIP)

Autumn Reveries by qikiqtarjuaq (M, 15k, wangxian, canon divergence, fake marriage, marriage of convenience, pining, getting together, Fix-it, friends to lovers)

a stone to break your soul, a song to save it by rikke (M, 179k, wangxian, canon divergence, arranged marriage)

~*~

11. Hi!!!! Itmf bad uncle lan qiren? Not accepting wwx as part of the family, ignoring him, down talking him to lwj ect. Canon era only please, any time during the story though! Thank you so much 🩷🩷🩷

The Righteous Path to Evil by Jengabears (M, 15k, wangxian, rape/non-con, graphic depictions of violence, canon divergence, golden core reveal, dark LQR, not LQR friendly, dark gusu lan, not gusu lan friendly, gusu lan punishment methods, discipline whip, implied) referenced torture, heavy angst, drama, kidnapping, doctor/patient, minor WQ bashing, WQ's decisions questioned, post sunshot, hurt wwx, self-sacrificing WWX, WIP)

~*~

12. Wen Ning is the ghost general right? Now I want him as really a real general. him being Wei Wuxian's general or bodygard. protective Wen Ning basically.

~*~

13. A) Yzy abusing wwx getting caught on video or on a live or a camera

B) Yzy not realising that people are watching her hit wwx (canon era)

C) Canon settings/ canon divergence fics which revolve around wwx and his general world , but not his relationship with wangji. Like idm them being or not being in a relationship, just let it be in bg.

D) In the mood for people realising what a precious gem (wie Ying) they lost @whateverweilanlovechild

13A)

Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 41k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war, WIP)

13C)

we're starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 92k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Golden Core Reveal, Burial Mounds, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Starvation, emaciation, Cannibalism, Self-Harm, Amputation, Suicidal Thoughts, Sunshot Campaign, let JZX and WWX be friends club) i would say a good chunk of this before the wangxian develops could be considered to be wwx-centric gen.

13D)

To Respect a Scholar by FlautistsandPeonies (G, 5k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, WWX's canon genius, not JC friendly, author WWX)

~*~

14. For a future ITMF, could I request submissions of favorite feel-good fics? Going through some stuff irl, so I’d like to read some fics that leave you feeling happy or content.

The stuffed bunny, the beautiful nephew, and other gifts from Lan Qiren by deliciousblizzardshark (G, 8k, LQR & WWX, wangxian, modern, single parent WWX, good uncle LQR, accidental uncle acquisition, found family, fluff)

A Study in Fluff by WeaverOfTheNight (T, 29k, wangxian, modern w magic, everyone lives au, fluff, literal plot bunnies, getting together, smitten wangxian, best boy a-yuan, alternating pov)

paint smears on sunny days by SnowshadowAO3 (E, 53k, wangxian, modern, fluff & smut, dad LWJ, pining, happy ending, art teacher WWX, accidentally co-parenting, fatherhood)

Where the nightingales are singing, and a white moon beams. by Moominmammashandbag (M, 33k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, pseudo-history, no powers, empires, discussion of murder, aftermath of war, prisoner exchange, grief/mourning, LWJ pov, angst w happy ending, emperor JZX, empress JYL, imperial advisor LWJ, widower LWJ, prisoner of war WWX, reunions, fluff & smut, dysfunctional family, BAMF LWJ)

fish & wild geese by impossibletruths (T, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, Farm/Ranch, Poetry, Grief/Mourning, Cooking, Catharsis, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Hunger as a Metaphor for Grief, Farming as a Metaphor for Healing, Overzealous Use Of Imagery, Mentioned Madam Lán, Podfic: fish & wild geese by raitala)

Window Shopping by thunderwear (E, 18k, WangXian, quarantine fic, Single Dad WWX, Getting Together, Long-Distance Relationship, kind of??, Mutual Pining, Fluff, lots of fluff, almost no angst, Happy Ending, First Time, Phone Sex, background 3zun, switching POV, Domestic Fluff, no like a shitton of domestic fluff, some smut)

The Bunnies and The Roomba: A Love Story by Nikki373 (T, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, College/University, Romance, Falling In Love)

one good thing by Yuu_chi (T, 26k, wangian, modern, ghost wwx, fluff & angst, happy ending, alarming number of rabbits) yes, I promise this counts for fluff/feel-good!

❤️ Joy In the Midst of These Things Series by Glitterbombshell (T/G, 53k, WangXian, Angst with Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Teacher WWX, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff)

how to fall in love with a catfish: a guide by wei wuxian (disaster rat) by bwyn, Yuisaki (T, 54k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Actors, Multimedia, Online Friendship, Drunken Shenanigans, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Underage Drinking, Drinking Games, Families of Choice, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Catfish AU)

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Kid Fic, explicit in much much later chapters, green card marriage (but not really), pining for your own husband, endless pining, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Nothing else bad or traumatic happens to the baby)

~*~

15. In the mood for WWX having psychotic breakdowns

If I Could Go Back in Time by Runningbarefoot (M, 122k, wangxian, JC & WWX & JYL, NMJ/LXC, LXC & LWJ, LXC & WWX, canon divergence, role reversal, not everyone dies, pining, angst w happy ending, grief/mourning, loss, YLLZ WWX, hurt/comfort, healing, slow burn, twin prides of yunmeng dynamics)

~*~

16. Hello again! Itm for a fic where ranwan (from 2ha) adopt our boy Wy.

~*~

17. ITMF some post-canon crack

To Woo a Yao by Iamnotawriter (G, 8k, wangxian, sect leader Yao & everyone, post-canon, humor, investigations, canon compliant, secret letters, mystery, crack)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what  you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack,  whatever - it’s all good!***

[bollywoodirect]

On this day, October 11, the world celebrates the birthday of a man who needs no introduction – #AmitabhBachchan. Born as Amitabh Shrivastav in 1942, he’s more than just a Bollywood legend; he’s a force that has shaped Indian cinema for over five decades.

Hailing from Allahabad (now Prayagraj), the son of the celebrated poet Harivansh Rai Bachchan and social activist Teji Bachchan, Amitabh’s journey was destined for greatness. After studying in Sherwood College, Nainital, and Kirori Mal College in Delhi, he began his career in 1969 with a voiceover in Bhuvan Shome. Little did anyone know that this voice would soon become one of the most iconic in Indian cinema.

By the 1970s, with films like Anand, Zanjeer, and Sholay, he became the face of the "angry young man" of India. From there, the list of legendary movies only grew—Amar Akbar Anthony, Don, Shakti—each performance cementing his title as the "Shahenshah of Bollywood." His cinematic reign in the ‘70s and ‘80s was so commanding that French filmmaker François Truffaut once referred to him as a "one-man industry."

But Amitabh’s story isn’t one of easy triumphs. After a brief break in the 1990s, he made a stellar comeback in the 2000s with roles in Mohabbatein, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, and Piku, for which he won his record fourth National Film Award for Best Actor. His international appeal also soared with appearances in films like The Great Gatsby (2013).

His list of accolades is as long as his filmography—four National Film Awards, sixteen Filmfare Awards, and the prestigious Dadasaheb Phalke Award. The Indian government has honored him with the Padma Shri, Padma Bhushan, and Padma Vibhushan. Even France bestowed upon him its highest civilian award, the Knight of the Legion of Honour.

Not just an actor, Amitabh has dabbled in politics, produced films, sung playback, and hosted numerous seasons of Kaun Banega Crorepati, India’s beloved quiz show. His impact goes far beyond Indian shores, with fans across Africa, the Middle East, and the UK. In 1999, a BBC poll named him the "greatest star of stage or screen," and TIME magazine dubbed him the "Star of the Millennium."

As we wish the Shahenshah a very happy birthday today, let’s take a moment to reflect on his incredible journey. What are your favorite Amitabh Bachchan movies?

[cupidsbower]

IFF: Introduction to Indian Cinema and a Primer for Watching

As promised, today is Day 1 of my Indian Film Fest.

You can find my Introduction and Primer over on Ao3:

Chapter 1: Introduces the fest and why I decided to do it.

Chapter 2: Is a brief history of Bollywood, and links to some cool documentaries.

Chapter 3: Is a Primer to help you have a good watching experience.

I hope you enjoy the journey over the coming week.

[youremyheaven]

Sufi Love Through the Lens of Bollywood Music

Bollywood music is heavily influenced by Sufism and Sufi notions of love permeate the lyrics of most romantic songs. I want to explore some important Sufi concepts and how they manifest themselves in these songs and within the context of these movies.

Chand Sifarish from the movie Fanaa

"Zid hain ab toh hain khud ko mitaana, hona hain tujh mein fanaa"

trans: "I insist on ridding myself of me, I want to annihilate myself in you"

Bollywood romantic songs often emphasize on yearning, seeking and longing for the lover and Sufi poetry which speaks of a soul's yearning to unite with God serves as a useful metaphor to speak of the same. The intense, maddening, spiritual kind of love, although seldom portrayed accurately on screen is ever present in song lyrics. The concept of "twin flames" has been popular in the West for the last couple of years and is by and large, very misunderstood. From a purely spiritual perspective, The Lover and The Beloved are in each other all along (similar to the Jungian concept of anima & animus but slightly different) and yearn to unite with each other. In order for union to be possible however, one must first destroy their "ego" which they call "self".

2. Raabta from Agent Vinod

"Tera milna hai us rab ka ishaara maanu, Mujhko banaya tere jaise hi kisi ke liye"

trans: Meeting you was a signal from God, that he had made me for someone like you

There is a lot of emphasis on the soul's innate knowing and its longing for love which is its longing for God and how seeking union with the Beloved is the inner knowing to realise one's God nature and unite with God in Sufism. This song captures that feeling of things being "destined" and how God has always guided your union.

3. Katra Katra from Alone

"Khud se khaali ho jaoon, aaja tujhse bhar jaoon. Tinka, tinka jal jaoon. Aise jala do"

trans: "let me empty myself, let me fill myself with you. i want to burn up, twig by twig and you burn me."

This is a very erotic song and speaks of love in a very carnal way. However, this idea of dissolving yourself in your lover is a very Sufi one. What is love, if not absolute submersion in the object of your desire?

4. Satrangi Re from Dil Se

This movie itself is very deeply spiritual and I suggest watching it. However this song beautifully captures the 7 stages of love and two people going through it, in a very poetic and profound way. Go watch it!!

Some poignant lyrics include:

Dil ka saaya humsaaya

trans: The shadow of my heart is your shadow

(In my post about twin flames, I had touched upon this but I'll make another post about how the Jungian concept of shadow work and integrating your shadow is to understand your twin and merge them within your consciousness)

Koi noor hai tu (Are you a light?)

Kyun door hai tu (Why are you so far away)

Jab paas hai tu (When you're near me)

Ehsaas hai tu (Then you're a feeling itself)

Koi khwaab hai ya parchai hai (Are you a dream or a shadow?)

These lines alone capture the bittersweet, all consuming, indescribable and maddening feelings that a twin triggers in us.

I also highly suggest reading the lyric translation of this song as a whole because it captures the twin flame experience so exquisitely.

5. Tujh mein rab dikhta hai from Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi

"Tujh mein rab dikhta hai

Yaara main kya karoon

Sajde sar jhukta hai

Yaara main kya karoon"

trans: I see God in you my beloved, what do I do? My head bows down in worship to you my beloved, what do I do?

in my post I had mentioned the 7 stages of love, one of which is worship for the beloved. this song beautifully captures that feeling, of being absolutely devoted and enraptured by the beloved, that nothing less than worship could equate to how you feel for them. its beyond love, beyond admiration, its a holy kind of emotion, its devotion.

🧜🏼‍♀️🦢🦋👼🏼🧚🏼‍♀️🕊🐳👸🏼🧚🏼‍♂️🦋🦢🧜🏼‍♀️🕊🧚🏼‍♀️🦋👼🏼🐳🕊🕊🧚🏼‍♀️👸🏼🧚🏼‍♂️🧜🏼‍♀️🦢🦋

i wanted to keep this post brief so that it can be an accessible entry point but lmk if you want more posts of this kind!! i hope this was interesting💛💛

[richincolor]

Book Review: Unbecoming

Title: Unbecoming

Author:  Seema Yasmin

Genres:  Contemporary/Speculative Fiction

Pages: 352

Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers

Review Copy: ARC by publisher

Availability: Available now

Summary: Two Muslim teens in Texas fight for access to abortion while one harbors a painful secret in this funny and heartfelt near-future speculative novel perfect for fans of Unpregnant .

In a not-too-distant America, abortions are prosecuted and the right to choose is no longer an option. But best friends Laylah and Noor want to change the world. After graduating high school, they’ll become an OBGYN and a journalist, but in the meantime, they’re working on an illegal guide to abortion in Texas.

In response to the unfair laws, underground networks of clinics have sprung up, but the good fight has gotten even more precarious as it becomes harder to secure safe medication and supplies. Both Layla and Noor are passionate about getting their guide completed so it can help those in need, but Laylah treats their project with an urgency Noor doesn’t understand—that may have something to do with the strange goings-on between their mosque and a local politician.

Fighting for what they believe in may involve even more obstacles than they bargained for, but the two best friends will continue as they always together.

Review: Unbecoming is such a timely novel that it is almost scary. Seema Yasmin has created a world that I could easily see becoming a reality and that is terrifying. And that is the feeling I had when I finished the novel - terror. While the story does end on a hopeful note, the terror at the lack of access for women’s healthcare remains in Laylah and Noor’s world, and they are having to continue to fight. 

The novel is very fast paced as it spans over the course of a week as Laylah discovers she is pregnant and actually has to live the guidebook she and Noor are creating, in search of mifepristone. The desperation that she feels as time ticks away really comes through and some of the experiences she has, all of them extremely unsafe, truly reinforce how dire lack of access to abortions would be. Laylah had her whole life planned, so this one small hiccup has her spiraling. She is afraid to tell anyone, even her best friend, as she is afraid of losing respect from her friends and family. I really felt for Laylah, because having more info as the reader than Laylah, I knew that would not be case and wished greatly she would share her pain. But the feeling of isolation that Laylah feels only heightens the novel and really hits home how important teens need to have safe spaces with regards to their healthcare. There were so many moments where I was tense at a situation Laylah found herself in and greatly wished for someone to come in and save her. 

On the other hand, Noor wonders what is wrong with her best friend, but at the same time is also on a journey of her own to discover shenanigans at their mosque. She is a journalist who still believes in fighting for the truth and is willing to do what she can to reveal those truths. This leads her to team up with a fellow classmate and has them survelling the wife of the mosque’s Imam. They search to uncover a conspiracy they believe a local politician and business person are involved in, only to discover the situation is not what they believed. Noor is very steadfast in her convictions and is willing to stand up for what is right, that includes standing up to her journalism teacher who would rather she stick to non-controversial and political topics. I loved this trait in Noor as she is a prime example of how well informed her generation is and is willing to fight for the future they want. 

While the novel has some extremely tense moments, it does have moments of levity. Laylah’s auntie and her friends bring some lightness but also wisdom. When Laylah disassociates it comes in the form of a Bollywood film full of spectacle which gives a brief moment of ease in an otherwise tense moment. This book is also definitely about sisterhood and the moments that Laylah and Noor are together is like a warm hug. 

This book was so good and intense and moving that the real takeaway is that everyone should read this novel and put themselves in Laylah’s and Noor’s to understand, no feel, what could happen in our country if women’s access to healthcare is taken away. 

[boroughshq]

Welcome to the community bulletin board! Here are some events happening around the Boroughs this month:

March 2-3: Women's History Month Trivia at The Corner Pub, Brooklyn

March 6: Free Mini Scoops* at Freshly Churned, Staten Island

March 14: National Pi Day at the Diner, the Bronx

March 16: St. Patrick's Day Parade, Manhattan

March 19: Volunteer Spring Cleaning at the Bronx River, the Bronx

March 25: Holi Celebration at Prospect Park, Brooklyn & Club 51, Manhattan

March 30: Beyoncé Night at Cowbells, The Bronx

March 31: Easter Egg Hunt at Socrates Sculpture Park, Queens

Continue reading below to find descriptive blurbs of each event. As a reminder, community events are optional events for members to use during their threads throughout the month of March.

March 2-3: Women History Month Trivia at The Corner Pub, Brooklyn

It's International Women's Month! To kick off the celebration, the weekend trivia topics for the first weekend of March at the Corner Pub will be all about the historical women who've helped fight for women's rights throughout the world.

March 6th: Free Mini Scoops* at Freshly Churned, Staten Island

In celebration of National Oreo Cookie Day and National White Chocolate Cheesecake Day, Freshly Churned have turned both delicious flavors into their own ice cream at the parlor, and patrons can have a complimentary mini scoop of each to boot!

March 14: National Pi Day at the Diner, the Bronx

For one day and one day only, all pies at the Diner will be priced at $3.14, in honor of pi day. Do not try to talk mathematics with the owner - they're doing this because they think the idea is quirky, not for any fondness towards the subject.

March 16: St. Patrick's Day Parade, Manhattan

The annual St. Patrick's Day parade returns this year to Midtown Manhattan! Starting promptly at 11am and ending around 4:30pm, stop by and observe a spectacle of Irish culture!

March 19: Volunteer Spring Cleaning at the Bronx River, the Bronx

It's the first day of Spring! What better way to celebrate than with a little bit of spring cleaning? Join the Bronx River Association as they steward and keep the river clean. Trash collecting tools and gloves will be provided to volunteers upon arrival.

March 25: Holi Celebration at Prospect Park, Brooklyn // Holi Part at Club 51, Manhattan

The family friendly version of the event will take place in Brooklyn, where guests of all ages are welcome to come dressed in white and have fun partaking in the colorful holiday festivities associated with Holi. As the night approaches, adults can keep the party going over at Club 51, where the Main Room will be pumping Bollywood hits while the staff hands out paints and glow sticks to celebrate!

March 30: Beyoncé Night at Cowbells, the Bronx

Beyhive fans will only have one day to study the lyrics of Beyoncé's recently released Act II in preparation of Beyoncé night at Cowbells! Act II will be on rotation all night long, along with other hits from Beyoncé's extensive catalog, in order to ring in her new era of music.

March 31: Easter Egg Hunt at Socrates Sculpture Park, Queens

Sponsored by local religious organizations, a large, free Easter Egg hunt will take place at the Socrates Sculpture Park in Queens at 11am. While directly targeted towards kids, guests of all ages (and all religions) are free to attend and hunt for eggs! Rumor has it thousands of eggs have been scattered all around the park by local volunteers, with the sculptures providing some interesting hiding spots.

Admin Note: The above events are all optional events that members are free to use as the setting for threads throughout the month of March. Though each event comes with brief descriptions, writers are free to manipulate and take liberties with them however they like for their threads. Additionally, writers are not restricted to only writing threads on the dates of the events listed; you are free to create threads around these events and post them whenever you like during the month of March.

[mattdillon]

IN BRIEF. miles or buddy is fine to address me. they/them, black. patron saint of dallas/ponyboy, and love talking about it. please, do not use my gifs in headcanon, imagines, or reader posts or anything of the like. i'm asking nicely. i don't mind webweavings as long as you credit me in the webweaving. askbox friendly, mostly for games and talking fic. i'll close it if you're going to be an asshole.

GENERAL THINGS YOU'LL SEE HERE. the outsiders, book + film. dallas and ponyboy in whatever permutation available (dalpony tag, dallyboy, tarnished gold are all my tags for them though i'm phasing dallyboy out. whoever chose that shipname should fight me. personally). omegaverse. horror. folklore. vampires. juvenile delinquents. fanfic. old fandom opinions. justified. timothy olyphant. matt dillon. sometimes bollywood. twin peaks. vampire chronicles.

ELSEWHERE. @analognostalgia (prompts); @tantalides (greekverse), @thejacketexchange, (general outsiders log, mostly on a queue)

[ramayantika]

Usha Lakshmi Gargi Ratri Saraswati Rati

Aditi

It's 9am. I am at my father's place for my Godh bharai ceremony, now widely referred to as baby shower parties. I still prefer to use Godh bharai instead of baby shower. Godh bharai means to fill the lap of the mother-to-be with abundance. She is gifted with sarees, jewellery fruits, baby toys, baby clothes and lots of blessings for the upcoming newborn.

I am standing in front of the mirror. This is the same mirror where my mother used to get ready for school. She was a teacher. This is the same mirror where she used to tie my plaits for school, and this was the same mirror where I pretended to be a 90s bollywood heroine in my teens. This is the same mirror where I got ready for one last time before leaving my parents house as a bride. Now, I am back here as an expectant mother.

Maa passed away two years ago. After I got married, she would constantly pester me with questions about her future grandchildren though in a teasing and light hearted way. She was the first one who advised me to have kids when my husband and I felt ready for it instead of giving in to pressure and conceiving right away.

But look how fate played its move. My mother passed away and I couldn't even give her the happy news. Sometimes I wish I had conceived early so my mother could have seen her grandchildren. She could be with me and witness the journey of my motherhood. But she isn't alive. Maybe she is around me, and her energy still exists around my house, around this mirror, but she isn't standing here in flesh and blood. She will never touch my pregnant stomach and feel this little one's kicks. She can't compliment my pregnancy glow on my face.

I have a lovely mother-in-law. She has treated me like the daughter she never had. She has taken care of me all this while. I remember her excited little jump in the living room when I broke the news that I am pregnant. She hugged me tight and touched my flat stomach and clearly instructed, "No more moving around much. Whatever you need, whatever weirdest strangest craving you get, you will call my son, and if that idiot makes a face, immediately call for me!"

Baba was ecstatic on getting to know that he was going to be a grandfather. He wished me well, but just before ending the call, he said, "I wish your mother was here too. She would have been so happy to see her little girl be a mother." That day, I had shed a few tears while looking at my mother's photograph.

"Beta, are you ready? Pandit ji has arrived," Baba says, standing at the doorway. His eyes for a brief moment drift down at my heavy seven month stomach. I smile and say, "Baba, chill. I am carrying your grandson. You don't have to be this awkward."

He laughs and scratches his head. "Yes, I get it. Now, come down." He lends his arm and looks at me. I hear him slowly mutter under his breath. "Kash Anju hoti..." Anjana, my mother.

Everybody stop their chitter chatter and fix their gaze on me. My friends and cousin sisters, clear up the sofa and make space for me to sit. My eyes move to my husband who is staring at me just the way he saw me during our first date. Damn, am I looking this beautiful even now? He quickly comes near me and kisses my cheek, whispering, "You look lovely, meri jaan. I hope this little munchkin did not trouble you inside."

Giggling quietly, I reply, "Not at all. No morning sickness today and no Ronaldo kicks to trouble this beautiful mummy."

I hear my father clear his throat which makes my husband jerk away from me causing me to breakdown into laughter again.

An hour has passed. Pandit ji got over with the puja. Everyone has started gifting me things the baby and me. My father-in-law gifted me a beautiful pink saree which I am hundred percent sure that this was mummy ji's choice. He also places a baby shirt on my lap. He wants a grandson, I have always known this.

Next, I see mummy ji come and place a fruit basket and a cute baby frock on my lap. Now, she never had her own daughter, so she wants a granddaughter. Baba joins next and gifts me a salwar suit and books for alphabets and numbers. He wants the child to be a genius. He then opens a bag, and looks at the package. It looks old -- maybe a year or two. His eyes fill with emotion, as he places them on my lap. "Your mother had bought it much before and had even gift-wrapped it. Maybe she knew..... Open it afterwards." He lovingly pats my head.

My friends and other older women whisper blessings and fun teasing rhymes for the baby. Some of my friends dance on bollywood songs for a while. The environment feels blissful. Absolutely perfect.

"Am I late to bless the new mother-to-be?" I hear a voice from behind. Turning back, I see a beautiful lady in a green kanjeevaram saree. Her hair was elegantly donned in a bun adorned with a gajra. She looked old like around mummy ji's age, but her face, her aura felt different. Something godly.

I look at everyone. Nobody looks at this new lady. They wave at me, but don't even bat an eyelid at the woman behind me as if she is invisible to them. Confused, I ask, "Auntie, I am very sorry. I can't recognize you. Mummy ji hasn't told me anything about you."

"Would you want a poetic introduction or a straightforward one?"

Mentally I responded to her question with huh???? I answered with a sheepish smile, "A straightforward one would be good for now."

The woman laughs and answers, "Straight to the point then. Devamata Aditi."

I was almost about to drop the saree I was holding in my hand. Stuttering, I ask, "Dev- devamata. The mother of the Gods. A-aditi. A goddess."

Devamata sits beside me, and holds my hands. Maternal warmth fuses in her touch. "Well, I also have to bless new mothers now. You all are bringing new souls to this mortal realm. It's a big job!"

I can feel my cranial nerves shortcircuit. I am dreaming right? Right? This can't be true! The hormones have messed up my head. I am seeing things which also explains why none of my family members nor the guests are seeing Aditi.

"Relax, my child. I am really Aditi, and you are perfectly same. Devamata can always cast her illusion around. Come on, my son Vishnu, your favourite God does it half of the time." She hugs me gently. I feel warm loving maternal energy surround me and around my unborn baby. It feels as if maa is here.

Devamata touches my chin and says, "I know you miss your mother. Her soul is eternal, and souls always come back. Stories go on."

She places a lovely green saree on my lap. The borders are embroidered with golden threads. The glitter on the saree looks like twinkling stars. A fabric stitched from the Universe itself!

"Blessings from a mother to another one. May your child be born with good health and be surrounded with infinite love and happiness, dear one." She pats my back just like my mother used to do whenever I had any important event. My eyes moisten at the corners in happiness.

"Thank you, Maa." I hug her tighter.

****** ******* ***** ********* ******** ****** ****

2 months later

"Ma'am please, one last push. You can do it. The baby needs just one last push." I hear the doctor's instructions, but I am too tired. The room feels dazed. My eyes are heavy. I just want to sleep.

A soft warm hand on my forehead draws me away from going into tired slumber. I blink and look at the person, thinking it to be one of the doctors on the team.

Only, it is not a doctor. It's the universal mother. My Devamata, Aditi.

Like a tired child, I mutter to her, "Maa, I can't do this anymore. I want to sleep on your lap. It's been hours, since I am here in labour. This is tiring."

Mata caresses my forehead which is probably drenched in sweat. I hear her speak, her voice soft, like a melodious lullaby.

"It's only a little effort, now, sweetheart. You are minutes away from bringing this little one to this world. The little one has to see you, its beautiful caring mother and a loving father. The child has to run around the house like little Krishna and dance like little Radha. Just one push, my love."

I shake my head. Gasping, I ask, "Can't you take care of it Mata? You are a goddess. Let me sleep, please. Get my baby out."

The goddess breathes and kisses the top of my head. "I can take care that the baby is born alive and healthy. The action has to be done solely by you. I am a goddess, but foremost a woman and we have been given enough strength to endure this pain of bringing another life into this world. You have nurtured this child in your womb for a while now. Don't you want to hold your baby? I promise, I will show you a cute little Vishnu as a toddler."

That brings some energy back to my body. "Do you promise me that?"

She nods and smiles. Maybe I am hallucinating, but I see a lone tear drip down her smile. I breathe deeply and gather all the remaining strength and push.

Darkness greets my vision, and I hear a faint murmur. "You did so well, dear one. I am so proud of you. Now, take some rest and see your darling god as a baby."

A large gate opens up leading me to a room. I am not travelling in my bodily form. Probably some astral projection or god knows what form I am in. I can't see my own body, but the sights around.

A sweet baby voice rings in my ears. I turn around and see a cradle kept in the corner of the room. Small dark hands with rosy palms hold the edges of the cradle. I walk near it, my heart pacing with excitement. As soon as I reach the cradle, my eyes land on a most beautiful baby, I have ever seen in my life.

Large doe eyes stare at me brimming with happiness and mischief. His eyes spark with recognition, and he giggles. Baby Vishnu stretches his little fingers, and holds my index finger.

I want to melt into a puddle. This is so cute. This means I will get to hold my baby and feel it touch my fingers too.

"Yes, darling." Devamata enters the room with a toddler running around her legs. "Now, are you happy to see your baby Vishnu?"

I jump around and touch Vishnu's cheeks. He laughs again, and I smile. I hear his baby voice say the word. "Sakhi......"

Devamata peers over the cradle, and gently rocks it. In a minute, Vishnu goes to sleep looking as adorable as ever.

"Mata, can I go back to my baby now?"

"Of course, putri."

I wake up energised. The first thing I see is my husband holding a small white bundle in his arms. His eyes are red with happy tears, and he whispers, "We have a daughter, and believe me or not, her eyes look just like maa." He hands over my daughter to me.

I look at the small baby girl. Her eyes meet mine, and I see a beautiful smile. I bring her close to my chest and kiss her tiny forehead.

She has my mother's eyes!

✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･* ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*

I have no idea how this is. I don't even know how Devamata came inside my head forget writing about preganancy and motherhood.

I am literally on my period today and here I am writing on giving birth to a baby.

Also I might have tweaked around the actual stories to make you all see and read about baby Vishnu. Besides Devamata would fulfill our desires too so yeah baby vishnu!!!

I am getting cramps or my stomach feels funny now so I will go sleep byeeee. 🌸💖

[mywifeleftme]

299: Aaarti Mukherjee // ভোরের তারা আধুনিক বাংলা গান [Morning Star]

ভোরের তারা আধুনিক বাংলা গান [Morning Star] Aarti Mukherjee 1988, His Master's Voice

Far be it from me to claim any expertise on Bengali music, but I love this little late ‘80s compilation of songs by Aarti Mukherjee (listed on the cover as “Arati” Mukherjee) whose title translates to Morning Star. It’s from a fairly obscure series from the Indian bureau of His Master’s Voice for the domestic market called Bengali Modern Songs—a few volumes are listed on Discogs, but I had to add this one myself. Mukherjee is best known as a playback singer whose prime stretched from the ‘60s to the ‘80s, providing the vocals for a generation of leading ladies to lip-synch to in the Bengali-language film industry (Tollywood). As with her peers in the better-known Hindi-language Bollywood system, Mukherjee was insanely prolific, having recorded something like 15,000 songs over the course of her career. Morning Star has only uh eight of those, but they’re all wonderful. Eloquently orchestrated (mostly synth, to my ear), with percussion that sways and wobbles like dub, the approach to melody seems clearly derived from a classical, almost operatic tradition, yet these are also pop songs. Opener “কোথাও একটা পাখী ডেকে চলছে” (“Somewhere a Bird is Calling”) almost sounds like samba, kissed with shakers, synth strings, and quirky whistles, a brief sitar bridge that gives way to a flourish of acoustic guitar. “তুমি কৃষ্ণচূড়া ফোটার দিনে” (“You Are the Day of the Black Peak”) is even better, with one of those smiling through tears melodies the subcontinent seems to specialize in, a perfect showcase for Mukherjee’s precise diction and songbird’s warble. “ভ্রমরে গুঞ্জরে সুরে বিভোর” (“There is a Buzzing Sound,” possibly) has a courtlier disposition, with a snaky rhythm that reminds me of Ottoman classical music, Mukherjee crooning over a sweet sitar riff that fills my head with every sandswept Orientalist trope an Occidental pud can imagine. I really can’t say where Mukherjee stands in the firmament of Indian music, or even where these particular songs stand amid her own unfathomably vast catalogue. But for whatever a recommendation is worth coming from someone only just beginning to explore the genre, Morning Star is superb.

299/365

[bollywoodirect]

Remembering Yash Chopra, the legendary filmmaker, on his 91st birth anniversary (27/09/32).

Yash Raj Chopra (27 September 1932–21 October 2012) was a renowned Indian film director and producer in Hindi cinema. He was the visionary founder of Yash Raj Films, earning numerous accolades, including 6 National Film Awards and 8 Filmfare Awards. Celebrated for his romantic films featuring strong female characters, Chopra's significant contributions to cinema were recognized with the Dadasaheb Phalke Award in 2001, the Padma Bhushan in 2005, and a lifetime membership from the British Academy of Film and Television Arts in 2006, making him the first Indian recipient.

Chopra's cinematic journey began as an assistant director before making his directorial debut with Dhool Ka Phool in 1959. He gained fame with the successful family drama Waqt (1965), pioneering the concept of ensemble casts in Bollywood. In 1970, he established Yash Raj Films, marking its inception with Daag: A Poem of Love (1973), a melodrama about polygamy.

The 1970s saw Chopra creating iconic films like Deewaar (1975), Kabhi Kabhie (1976), and Trishul (1978), solidifying Amitabh Bachchan's status as a leading Bollywood actor. Chopra's collaboration with Sridevi in Chandni (1989) and Lamhe (1991) is considered among his finest works, with Chandni revitalizing the romantic musical genre in Bollywood.

Despite the domestic underperformance of Lamhe, it garnered substantial overseas profits. After a brief setback with Parampara (1993), Chopra bounced back with the musical psychological thriller Darr (1993), marking the beginning of his successful partnership with Shahrukh Khan. This collaboration produced romantic hits like Dil To Pagal Hai (1997), Veer-Zaara (2004), and Jab Tak Hai Jaan (2012). Chopra announced his retirement in 2012 and tragically passed away during the production of Jab Tak Hai Jaan due to dengue fever. His legacy as one of Bollywood's greatest directors endures.

In this photo: Dharmendra, Feroz Khan, Yash Chopra, and Iftekhar on the sets of the movie 'Aadmi Aur Insaan' (1969).

[cybercrime-blogs]

Mahadev Online Betting Scam: Bollywood Celebrities and Pakistani Connections Under Scrutiny

MUMBAI: The Enforcement Directorate (ED) has initiated an extensive investigation into the Mahadev Online Betting scandal, revealing a complex network of money laundering activities that extend far beyond the realm of online betting. This case has taken an intriguing turn, with the involvement of UPI IDs, implicating well-known personalities, celebrities, and even political contributions.

The Mahadev Online Betting Scandal: A Brief Overview The spotlight has turned to Mahadev, an online betting application, founded by Saurabh Chandrakar and Ravi Uppal hailing from Bhilai, Chattisgarh. The ED has cast a sharp eye on this platform, alleging that it served as a hub for illicit betting websites. It facilitated new user registrations, generated User IDs, and funneled funds through a convoluted network of anonymous bank accounts.

Also Read: Kashmiri Brother-in-Law could not show Kamal, and pressure on Nagpur police failed

Extensive Raids and Compelling Evidence In a recent series of coordinated raids conducted in cities like Kolkata, Bhopal, and Mumbai, the ED has unearthed substantial evidence and frozen/seized assets totaling an astounding Rs 417 Crore. According to the ED, Chandrakar and Uppal orchestrated the operations of Mahadev Online Betting from a central headquarters located in the UAE. They employed a franchising model, establishing "Panel/Branches" for their associates, with profit-sharing arrangements set at a 70:30 ratio.

A deeply troubling aspect of this scandal revolves around the exploitation of vulnerable communities, specifically slum residents and those with limited incomes. It appears that individuals implicated in this alleged scam acquired UPI (Unified Payments Interface) details from these unsuspecting individuals, effectively using them as pawns in money laundering schemes. In return for the use of their UPI IDs, these victims were given meager sums, while the ill-gotten funds were channeled to foreign entities. The Enforcement Directorate (ED) is currently conducting a thorough investigation to determine the full scope of this fraudulent activity and quantify the amount of money that has been laundered through this deceptive modus operandi.

Lavish Wedding Expenditure Raises Concerns

Recent ED raids conducted in Bhopal, Mumbai, and Kolkata have brought to light the extravagant lifestyle of the primary accused, Saurabh Chandrakar. Astonishingly, it was revealed that he lavishly spent over Rs 200 crore on his wedding ceremony in the United Arab Emirates (UAE). Shockingly, reports suggest that the funds for this opulent celebration were sourced from the proceeds of criminal activities.

Private jets were chartered to transport family members from Nagpur to the UAE for the wedding festivities, and renowned celebrities were hired for special performances. An array of wedding planners, dancers, and decorators were flown in from Mumbai, with cash payments facilitated through clandestine hawala channels.

Also Read: Cybercrime in Nagpur - Cyber Blackmailer Couple Arrested in Pune for Extorting Money

Celebrity Involvement and Suspicions of Proceeds from Illegal Activities

The ED's ongoing investigation has also implicated several prominent celebrities who endorsed these betting entities. These celebrities not only lent their names to these platforms but also participated in various events organized by the app promoters and other individuals accused in this case. Payments to these celebrities were routed through intricate transactions, ultimately sourced from the proceeds of online betting activities.

The list of celebrities under scrutiny includes well-known figures such as singers Atif Aslam, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Neha Kakkar, Vishal Dadlani, actor Tiger Shroff, Elli Evram, Bhagyashree, Pulkit Samrat, Sunny Leone, Kirti Kharbanda, Nushrat Bharucha, and comedians Bharti Singh, Krishna Abhishek, and Ali Azgar.

In conclusion, this disturbing scandal not only highlights the exploitation of vulnerable populations but also shines a light on the extravagant spending habits of key individuals involved. The web of celebrity endorsements and the suspected use of proceeds from illegal activities underscore the need for a thorough investigation into the matter, ensuring that justice is served and accountability upheld.

Source: https://www.the420.in/bollywood-celebrities-pakistani-connections-mahadev-online-betting-scam-ed/