#Bobby TRIED to give him a funeral and Dean was like 'you touch my sleeping brotherwife and i'll kill you'

[goodnight-sammy]

The funniest part of the "Sam could have rented a freezer" discourse is that somehow they thought it was MORE reasonable for Sam to rent a freezer to put his dead brother's body in and drive it around the country so that Dean's friends could come to the funeral than for Sam to just mourn his brother in peace.

No no, Sam should have traumatized himself and put his brother's corpse on ice for an indeterminate amount of time until Dean's three living friends could show up to look at his dead body. That makes more sense. You're so right.

[fangirlxwritesx67]

Cry No More

Cry No More A Sam Winchester Finale Series

Summary: the rest of Sam Winchester’s life, stories of what happened between the moments and years the show gave us in the finale.  Canon adjacent, obvious spoilers for the show finale. Beta by @there-must-be-a-lock and @mskathywriteswords Photo edit in header by @lemondropsonice

Chapter 1: Pyre (1000 words)

Sam burns Dean’s body alone. He rationalizes it, in his grief fogged brain: it has to be done quickly, there’s no time to wait, Dean wouldn’t have wanted a fuss. 

He’s built many pyres in his day but this is the hardest one. Every stroke of the axe, felling trees, seems to cut to his bones. There’s a relief in the sweat, in the ache of his muscles, that allows him to forget, for a few moments, why he’s doing this. When it all comes rushing back in, he feels guilty. 

He washes Dean’s body, his pale cold form, with care. He is so still, just a husk. Familiar scars and his tattoo seem foreign under Sam’s fingers. The spark of life that made him Dean is already gone but Sam still loves what is left. He consults Rowena’s books, he pulls up ancient Egyptian texts. He anoints Dean with oils and incense and magic that Dean would scoff at, if he was here. But he’s not. 

In life, he and Dean often carried one another. Dead, Dean is almost more weight than he can bear. He stumbles, just once. But when he gets the body on the pyre, he falls to his knees and howls. 

They were finally supposed to have a chance at happiness. He cries until he wonders how he will ever light a fire when the sheet-wrapped form of his brother is so soaked with his tears. He beats his fists, already blistered from the axe, against the unfeeling earth. He screams and curses in every language he knows. 

None of it changes a thing.

Finally he flicks the lighter, and the pyre goes up in flames, and with it the only home he knew -- his brother. 

Sam watches as the fire burns to ash, as the sun sets and rises and sets again. Miracle stays by his side but on the second day, he nudges his wet nose into Sam’s blistered hands. He needs to eat. 

Sam somehow stumbles back to the Bunker, feeds the dog, and falls into a blackout sleep. 

He wakes up to a knock on his door, starts up stark naked and clutching a gun. It’s Donna and Jody, who both have the decency to keep their gaze above his waist. 

“We, uh, heard about Dean.” Donna starts.

"Thought you could use some company.” Jody continues.

“Uh, yeah.” Sam runs a hand over his face, feels the scruff on his cheeks. How long has it been? “Let me just -- thank you -- give me a few.” The ladies nod in understanding. 

Sam showers, puts on clothes, decides not to bother with shaving. He’s headed towards the kitchen when he hears -- giggles. Child giggles. He detours towards the library and finds Garth and the twins, chasing his daughter around.

Sam blinks. He was pretty sure these were babies not that long ago, and now they’re walking, and giggles sound weird echoing off the stone walls of the bunker. He stands still, shakes his head. 

Garth notices, and comes over to give him a hug. It’s the first time Sam has been touched since Dean died, so he melts into it like butter on warm popcorn. Garth makes soft shushing noises and pats Sam on the back until the twins collide into their knees, squealing.

“Gotta go,” Garth says, pulling back. 

Sam is still a little boggled when he walks into the kitchen, and everyone is there. Jody, Donna, Charlie, Apocalypse Bobby, Claire. The kitchen is a hub of noise and food and laughter, the way it used to be, when Dean was alive. 

It’s all too much, and for a long moment, Sam just stands there, feeling out of place in his own home. Claire notices, and walks over to take his hand and pull him into the circle of conversation. 

They’re talking about Dean, because of course they are. There’s a pause, for a moment, in the story, but it’s a good one, so Sam just nods. 

“That sounds like Dean.” If everyone hears his voice break a little on the name, they don’t mention it. 

It helps, Sam thinks, just to not be alone. To talk about his brother with people who knew and loved him. To remember the good times. 

After dinner, when Garth’s kids are tucked into bunker beds, they all gather in the library. Most people have swapped beer for whiskey. Sam gets the decanter set and pours two cups. He leaves one on the table and no one asks why. 

The stories get wilder, the laughter louder, voices overlapping in a rush to share the memories. Sam looks around and thinks that they’re all too old for this, that they should’ve retired from hunting years ago. He doesn’t realize he’s said it aloud until Bobby answers. 

“You think you’re old, son, what about me?” 

Sam actually grins, then, and tries not to wince at how foreign a smile feels on his face. He tries very hard not to think of Jack calling Dean “old man,” of Cas mentioning his age, or Rowena — he shakes his head. Too many people gone, too much loss. 

He doesn’t share his stories, not tonight. It still hurts too much to speak them aloud. But it helps to hear them, to be reassured of the difference Dean made, of how much he was loved. 

This is a hunter’s funeral, after all, not just the pyre but the gathering afterward. Dean deserved to live, of course, but short of that, he deserved to be remembered this way. He was a hunter, and he died as he had lived. 

Sam looks around the room, and lifts his glass. Everyone falls silent to hear what he has to say. “A wise man once told me that family don’t end in blood. Dean was my family, but so are all of you. My family, and his.”

Everyone drinks to that, and tears flow freely. Sam’s heart breaks again, and begins to heal all at once. 

Chapter 2

Series Taglist:  @hoboal87 @muchamusedaboutnothing @samsgirl2020​ @vulgar-library SPN First Last and Always: @boondoctorwho @dawnie1988 @deanwanddamons @defenderrosetyler @divadinag @emoryhemsworth @fookinghelljensensthighs @idreamofplaid @kalesrebellion @kickingitwithkirk @lovealways-j @maddiepants @magssteenkamp @onethirstyunicorn   @there-must-be-a-lock @tloveswriting Sam Girl For Life: @awesomesusiebstuff @lilsylvia Dean Curious:@adoptdontshoppets @awesomesusiebstuff @deangirl7695 @deans-baby-momma  @mrsjenniferwinchester @stoneyggirl @wayward-gypsy

[justjessame]

Dr. Tali Sullivan Chapter 5: Choices

“Tali,” Dean’s voice followed me to the kitchen, but I was intent on ignoring him and whatever awkward bullshit that would come from what he’d woken up to. “Damn it, Tali.” He was standing in the doorway of the room, still in just a t-shirt and his underwear.

“Put some pants on, Dean.” I growled back as I started opening cabinets. The issue with making breakfast was that I didn’t usually eat breakfast. I had Pop tarts. I had some cereal that I didn’t remember buying. But that was pretty much it. Wait, I had bread and butter, so toast.

"You’re in your pajamas,” his voice was closer than I expected or wanted. “Besides, all my important parts are decent.”

I snorted. Dean Winchester didn’t have any decent parts, no matter how toned he’d felt when I woke up pressed against him. Fuck. “My house, my rules.” I offered, but knew he hadn’t left, he couldn’t have, since I could feel his body heat closing in. I sighed, pulling out the Pop-tarts and bread. “Dean, whatever you’re thinking, it isn’t a good idea.”

I felt his chuckle, just like I felt the breath he’d let out during it flutter my hair. “Good ideas aren’t really what I’m known for, Tali.” I closed my eyes, begging for a patience that I’m not sure I ever possessed. His body was close enough to feel the burn from, to smell that same familiar scent of his dad rolling off of him. His hands were on my shoulders and I sighed again. “Please, just talk to me for a minute.”

I turned with the same type of grace that I’d shown the first time my mom wanted to parade me through our family telling them about my choice to go away to school and become a teacher. Heavy on the martyrdom, low on the enthusiasm. “Pop-tarts? Or-”

I never got another word out, because Dean Winchester decided that ‘talking’ involved mouths, but not words. His lips touched mine, and my mind was screaming to push him, to pull away, to do a hell of a lot of not what I did. I dropped the Pop-tarts, the bread fell from my hand and then my now empty hands were on his shoulders. My nails were digging into his skin through his t-shirt, but as much as my mind was telling me to use them to get him away, my body seemed to disagree, because I was pulling him closer.

Dean’s hands were sliding up my back and then they were tangled in my hair and my mouth opened under his and we both moaned at the touch of the other’s tongue. I was wrong. He and John were nothing alike. John took what he knew we both wanted. The fires of hell were jealous the night we first kissed.  And then it slowed once we ended up in my bedroom.  Dean wasn't sure, he left me room to push him away, to take a moment to decide if I wanted what he was asking for.  Dean was a slow burn, building as we got to know the dips and curves of one another’s mouths. There wasn’t a rush, even if it had seemed like there would have been in how he'd taken the first step. 

He pulled away first, or pulled back a bit so we could catch our breaths. Giving me and my brain a moment to reflect, to think about what I was doing. What was I doing? I saw Dean swallow, the uncertainty of how I was going to react clear on his face, in his green eyes that were so dark. I licked my lips, wondering how he could taste good in the morning? “Shit, Tali, I didn’t mean to-” He started to pull away further, but my hands stayed on his shoulders stopping him. “I know you need time, I do, but Tali I,” he huffed out a breath. “When I saw your name in Dad’s journal. When I saw what he wrote-” His eyes pinched and I waited, Dean needed to get whatever he’d been holding in off his chest before he exploded. “I was pissed. Not only did he just fucking go off on his own without a word, but he took-” Dean’s eyes locked on mine. “He knew how I felt about you, Tali, he had to have.” His hand left my hair and brushed through his own. “You were supposed to be MY first everything Tali Sullivan.” Wait, what?!

“Dean.” I tried, but the look he shot me stopped me.

“I know you didn’t-” he sighed. “I know that we got pushed together all the time as kids. I know that wasn’t your choice, but those visits to your house? Between those and Bobby’s? That made the rest of it worth it.” His hand came back to my cheek, and he was brushing the skin under my eye. “I wanted to take time, Tali, when Dad-” He saw my flinch at the memory of John again. Another sigh. “When he died, when I knew what you felt for HIM, I couldn’t come here. Not at first, I couldn’t see YOU grieving for HIM.” His thumb touched my lips and I stayed quiet. “You were right, Tali, my dad was a master at shitty communication and you told me NOT to follow him in that. This is me not being John Winchester. I want you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. Give me something to come back to after the hunt?”

We both heard Sam stumbling down the hallway. Dean pulled all the way away. I looked down at my bare feet and took a beat. “Later.” It was quiet, it was simple, but it was a promise. We would talk later. We would sit down, alone, and discuss it. I looked up and met his eyes again where he’d moved to the table in the kitchen nook. A smile, a nod, and we were back to as normal as it would get between me and a Winchester. “Pop-tarts or toast?” I asked as Sam loomed in the doorway, blinking sleep out of his eyes.

 After our ‘meal’, I took them into the living room to hand off the research packet I’d put together, then headed back to my bedroom. Dean, clearly assuming that Sam was nice and diverted by the new information, followed me.

“When I said ‘later’,” I shot him a look as I pulled clothes out of my dresser. “I meant, after I took a long hot shower. When my hair looked more like hair and less like a clutch of shredded wheat.” He chuckled. “We will talk, Dean,” I turned and leaned against my dresser. “Just give me a few minutes alone, to process, please.”

Dean was still in his boxers and t-shirt and I shook my head. “I should probably-” He gestured behind him.

“I have a huge hot water tank,” I smiled as he shot me a look. “You can get a shower in the other bathroom, it won’t take anything away from mine.” I went back to pulling clothes out for me to change into, when I felt him against my back again. “Dean-”

“I know, Tali,” his lips brushed the back of my neck and I swallowed hard. “I just, I had to-” And then he was gone. His heat, his scent less like John now, heavier on the leather scent less smoke and mirrors, gone. I shut my eyes and took a breath. Damn it.

 I took my time in the shower. I needed to think about John. Really think about John Winchester and the ONE weekend we’d had physically versus the calls and texts. I needed to think about what might have been, or would there have been anything at all?

I could still see him sitting on the top row of seats in my classroom. Him standing over me by my desk. The bright silver of his wedding band catching the overhead lights. The band he wore for longer than I’d been alive. A band that he wore to his funeral pyre. A band that he never took off. Not once, not during the nights and days we’d shared. Not before or after we shared them.

My back pressed against the cool tiles of my shower, my head finding purchase too, and I considered that. Would he ever really have been done? Has any hunter ever finished the hunt? How many hunters had I met, first timers who came in with a vengeance and needed to kill whatever had brought darkness and loss into their regularly scheduled life, that stopped after they met it? None. Hunters ended when they took their last breath. That was a truth that I’d known my entire life.

It’s what happened to my grandparents. It was how my parents will die. It was our universally known truth. Hunters didn’t retire. They died. At the very hands, claws, paws, or teeth of the monsters they hunted. I turned off the water and sat down on the bench in my shower and thought about what that meant.

Dean was just as much of a hunter as John had been. He’d been raised in the life, reluctantly when John had become just as obsessed with avenging Mary’s death as any other newbie hunter would. He’d followed John around like a puppy. Looking up to him, beaming at any soft or kind word, any sweet moment that he could tuck away. Not that John was a bad man, but he’d been a difficult father. Maybe any man who lost his wife that way, who took up a mantle that he wasn’t prepared to, would have had the same reaction.

I hadn’t lied when I told John that Dean idolized him. He did. But he also took every damn word that John Winchester ever said to him all the way down to his fucking marrow. He would protect Sam. He would save him come hell or high water, and he’d do that with or without me. Would he have to? Would he have to do it without me?

When I suffer a loss, and as a kid in a hunting family I’d suffered plenty, my first knee jerk reaction is to shove it down. Deep deep down and away. I’d deal with it, eventually, but not now. I hadn’t done that with John. I’d let it overtake me. I’d wallowed. I’d felt the loss down to my bones and I let it overwhelm me in so many ways.

I dried off and pulled on my clothes without noticing. I brushed my hair, my mind still working through the Winchesters and what they meant to me. My fingers worked my untangled and still wet hair into a long braid as I thought about where John and I may have been right now if he hadn’t made the deal. Would we still be texting and calling? Would he make time to visit? Would I go to him?

What would have been enough or too much? Would killing this demon, the same one that Sam and Dean were now focused on, have let him move on? Would Mary finally be laid to rest in his mind? Would the ring have come off? Or would he still pine? Was I a delusional little girl that fell into bed with him over a crush that he’d shared, a diversion and nothing more? I'd never know. John wasn't available to answer and I had wasted the time I had to get those answers.

I pushed my glasses up my face and contemplated hiding in the bathroom until Dean and Sam gave up and left on the next hunt. Because I knew one thing was more than certain. There would always be another monster to hunt. Another call, another trail. They were hunters, and I had given it up willingly to be this version of helpful.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Croatoan- Part 5

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,445

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, angst, language, minor character death, blood, you know the usual,

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Please, if you want to be tagged for this series, let me know and I’ll add you! If you want to be tagged for my other fics, I’ll add you! I want to hear what you guys think about this. If you want something requested, send it in!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

You were sitting next to Sam, a bandage on your neck and a bandage on his chest. Why were only you and Sam targeted? If the demons were here for you and Sam’s visions were demon related, then maybe this was part of their plan. You had no idea what to think when there were angry eyes on you.

You knew Mark wanted to kill you but as long as Dean was around you, he wouldn’t let that happen.

“Please, check their wounds again.” Dean demanded of the doctor. He was pissed and so were you but you were also scared.

“What does she need to examine them for? You saw what happened to Sam and Y/N clearly stated that she got infected!” Mark said, arguing with Dean.

“We don't know that for sure.” Dean said, trying to figure things out.

“We can’t take a chance. You know what we have to do.” Duane said, siding with Mark. You looked up and glared at Duane because you knew he was guilty of something. He caught your eyes and held it there for a few seconds before looking away.

“Nobody is shooting my brother. Nobody is touching my girlfriend. Just stay the fuck back.” Dean growled when Mark made a move to come closer.

“They won’t be your family anymore, Dean, and you know it.” Mark tried to reason with him.

“Nobody is shooting anyone!” Dean yelled, scared that he might lose the two people left in his life.

“You were going to shoot me!” Duane argued.

“If you don’t shut the fuck up, I might.” Dean glared.

“Dean, you know what happened to us.” You said, getting tears. You didn’t want to be a monster and you were going to turn into one soon.

“They’re right. We’re infected so leave and give me a gun. We’ll do it ourselves.” Sam said. You silently cried because you didn’t want to die. You still had so much of life to look forward to. You couldn’t leave Dean all alone. It wasn’t fair to him.

“Forget it.” Dean scoffed.

“I don’t want to become one of those things.” You said, looking at Dean who was very blurry at the moment.

“Look, we still have time.” Dean said, not wanting to come to terms with this.

“Time for what? Look, I understand he's your brother and your girlfriend, and I'm sorry, I am. But we gotta take care of this.” Mark said, pulling out his handgun.

“I’m going to say this one time so listen up. If you make so much as one move on them, you’ll be dead before you hit the ground. Do I make myself clear?” Dean threatened.

“Then what are we supposed to do?!” Mark yelled. Dean rolled his eyes and took out the keys to his beloved car and threw them at Mark.

“Get the hell out of here. Take my car. You’ve got the explosives and there is arsenal in the trunk. You’ve got enough firepower to handle anything.” Dean said, not leaving yours or Sam’s side.

“What about you?” Mark asked but Dean didn’t say anything.

“No, Dean, go with them. I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have. Pease.” You sobbed, looking at him.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Dean said, looking at you before his brother.

“Okay, it’s your funeral.” Mark said, leading Dr. Lee out the door. Dean shut the door when everyone was out safe. When you heard the click, you broke down. You started crying and Dean took you into his arms.

“Dean, please don’t do this. Just get the hell out of here.” Sam said.

“No way. Do you not know me at all?”

“Give me my damn gun and leave.” Sam said, trying to play the tough act.

“For the last time, Sam, no.” Dean growled. You pushed Dean away.

“What are you going to do, Dean? Sam and I, will turn and then what? You have no chance against two of them. You’ll die.” You said, looking into his eyes.

“And that’s a bad thing?” Dean said, getting up.

“What are you talking about? Of course, it’s a bad thing.” You said, not believing what you heard.

“I’m tired, Y/N. I’m tired of this life and this job. This weight on my shoulders is too great and I’m tired of it.” Dean admitted with a sigh, not looking at anyone. You knew he carried a lot but he never told you this.

“But you’ll have Ellen, Jo, and Bobby. You won’t be alone.” You said, getting up. Before anyone else could say anything, there was a knock on the door to the place. Dean took out his handgun and walked over to it, opening it. Dr. Lee came rushing in and her eyes were wide.

“You better come see this.” You got up with Sam and rushed outside where the rest of the survivors were. It was dark outside since it was still night, but you could see it. It was only the 6 of you and no one else was in sight. It was deathly silent outside.

“There’s no one. Not a person in sight. They’ve all just… vanished.” Dr. Lee said, looking around. You turned your head and even in the dark, you saw it.

Croatoan.

In the morning, you sat next to Sam while Dr. Lee was looking at your blood samples. Nothing happened during the night but you were sure that man’s blood got into your stream.

“It’s been five hours, guys, and nothing happened. Your blood is still clean. I don’t know how it happened but you two are lucky.” Dr. Lee said.

“But we were exposed? How could that happen?” You asked, looking up to see Duane looking at you. He had his eyes narrowed but he didn’t say a thing to you.

“I don’t know but it happened. If you compare it to the Tanner samples,” She said, looking into another microscope to compare. “What the hell?”

“What is it?” You asked.

“Their blood is clean. There are no traces of sulfur in here at all.”

“Well, I’ve had enough crazy for one week. Let’s go.” You said, hopping off the table. Dean had gotten his keys back from Mark and has everything already in the car. You walked out with everyone else, just as puzzled as Dr. Lee was.

“I'd better get over to Sidewinder, get the authorities up here. If they'll believe me. Take care.” Dr. Lee said, walking to her car. You looked at Dean and Sam before looking to Mark and Duane who got in Mark’s truck.

Duane looked over his shoulder and stared at you. Before Mark pulled out of sight, you saw Duane’s eyes flash a deep black. You gasped, frozen in your spot, not knowing how to take this information.

“I swear, I'm gonna lose sleep over this one. I mean, why here, why now? And where the hell did everybody go? It's like they just fucking melted.” Dean said with a sigh.

“Dean…” You whispered, still not being able to move.

“Why were we immune?” Sam asked, looking at you. “Y/N, you okay?” Dean immediately look at your pale face.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Dean asked, fearing the worst.

“Duane is a demon. We’ve been with a demon this entire time. That's why we’re immune.” You said, fitting the pieces together. It was all because of the demon blood you had in your system. And if you took in consideration with what John said, then Sam has it too.

How were you ever going to deal with this?

“Y/N, what did you mean before when you said ‘that’s why we’re immune’?” Sam asked, leaning against the Impala. Dean decided to take a break from driving so you three were hanging out on the side of the road. You looked at Dean because he knew what you were talking about. He nodded to you because he needed to get that thing off his chest as well.

“Okay, Sam… Oh wow, this isn’t easy.” You said, looking away from him.

“What isn’t easy? Talk to me.” Sam said.

“John said something to me right before he died and it’s about us, Sam and I don’t know how to deal with this.” You said, getting tears.

“What? I thought you said the only thing he mentioned was Bobby.” Sam said.

“He said something to me too, Sam. Something about you.” Dean said, admitting it.

“What the hell is going on? What did he say?” Sam demanded to know. You didn’t know if he was ready to hear it but he had a right to know.

The Queens:

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Series Rewrite Junkies:

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[a-winchester-fairytale]

Memories ~ Bobby's Gone

Summary: With Bobby gone, you and Dean become closer than ever, forcing Dean to face a few truths about your friendship. 

Warnings: Drunk Dean, Violence, Angst, some fluffy thoughts

Dean x Reader, Sam, Bobby mentioned, Dick Roman mentioned

Word Count: 2,634

A/N: This is a Supernatural series that I have been working on.  The "Memories" are meant to provide a backstory between the reader and the Winchesters, so they will span over a few years.  I did change a few things about the timeline, but I tried to stick as much as possible to the events of the show.  I appreciate all feedback!  Thanks a bunch!

Memories Master List

You pulled the car over only once coming to say good-bye.  Somewhere in the Badlands, getting out and screaming when you couldn’t stand it anymore.  You screamed into the abyss until your throat was raw and your voice horse.  Then you just sat down in the dirt, your head in your hands, shaking.

It was all over now; the wake, the funeral, the hunter’s pyre, all of it.  You had walked through it all in a fog, and now it was over.  You loaded your things in your car and drove away from this place.  Now that it was over, and quiet, it was just too hard to stay.  You made it an hour before you saw it; black and shiny even though it was caked in dust.  Kansas license plates confirmed that it was them.  

They had been there, but left right after the pyre, and hadn’t said much the whole time.  Of course, you hadn’t either.  What was there to say? 

I’m Sorry…

Better Place…

Takes Time…

None of those words meant much to any of you at the moment.  You were all too shocked, too angry.

You saw them as soon as you stepped foot inside of the grungy bar.  There were sitting in the corner booth, sulking in the shadows.  Sam saw you first and held up his hand to wave, then took another drink of his beer.  Dean didn’t even glance up.  He sat with a whiskey glass in one hand; his eyes focused on the quarter he was spinning on the table with his other.  You could see the brooding in his eyes from across the room and you knew.

You walked up to the bartender, a cute dark haired girl, the kind Dean normally would have been all over and asked her how long they had been there.

“Couple of hours.”  She said, glancing over to the table.  “I think they are staying at the hotel next door.”  She volunteered.  You nodded and ordered a crown and coke.  Although you normally weren’t a drinker, you needed one to help settle your nerves.  This occasion definitely called for it.

“Thanks” you added, taking your drink and going to join the boys.

Sam stood as you approached, giving you a brief hug before you slid into the booth between them.  He felt so weak, and although you understood why, it made you sadder to think of them this way. 

“Hey, aren’t you guys supposed to be hiding out?”  You asked, a little surprised they would stop instead of heading straight back to Whitefish where the cabin sat.

“Let those sons-a-bitches come for us.”  Dean challenged.  You could feel the anger radiating off of him.  He looked up at you with bloodshot eyes that said he probably hadn’t been to sleep for days, not since this all happened.  Sam didn’t say anything, he simply looked away.

The bartender brought three shots to the table.  You all clinked your glasses together in a salute to Bobby and downed the shots. 

After your first drink, you asked the bartender to fill it with just soda, instead of adding the Crown.  You knew someone would have to keep an eye on them, at the very least on Dean.  One drink for you was enough to take away the edge, or maybe it was being with them.  Either way, it looked like they needed to blow off steam more than you did tonight.

You sat with them, drinking for a couple of hours.  No one mentioned Bobby again, or the Leviathans.  It was still too raw to talk about it all yet.  When Dean sauntered to an open pool table, Sam leaned his head back against the booth and closed his eyes.

“You okay over there?”  You teased, getting a small grin from Sam.

“Yeah, just beat.  I’ve just been nursing this thing.”  He confided, holding up an almost empty beer.

“Why don’t you go get some rest?”  You offered, sympathetically.  “I’ll stay here and keep an eye on Dean.”

“I don’t know, Y/N.  He can get pretty bad.”  Sam started.  He could see the bomb inside Dean just waiting to go off and you could too.

“Don’t worry, I can handle this.”  You said confidently.  “This ain’t my first rodeo.”  You added with a wink and got up to march over toward Dean.  “So, Winchester, you want to show me what you got?”  You challenged, grabbing a pool stick and leaning over the table. 

Dean looked you up and down, considering your challenge.  The corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly, in spite of his anger.  He always did like the way you called him Winchester when you were being sassy.  After a second, he handed you the triangle.

“Wrack ‘em.”  He said in his usually gruff voice and he took the que ball to the end of the table.  You glanced over at Sam and winked at him.

“I guess she can handle it.”  He whispered to himself, a little impressed you had gotten any reaction out of Dean at all.  Sam signaled to Dean that he was leaving and walked across the parking lot to the hotel, telling himself that you knew where to find him if you needed help. 

You played a few games of pool, neither of you saying too much.  No matter how long he played, you could still see every muscle in his body rigid and tense with anger.  With all of the alcohol he was consuming, you were convinced that’s what was keeping him standing.

You were at the bar when it happened.  Some drunk, arrogant cowboy, whose stares across the room you had been ignoring, came up to you as you were getting Dean another drink.  He asked you to go with him, you said no, but naturally he didn't take no for an answer.  It all happened so fast, you barely saw it.  The guy grabbed your arm to stop you from walking away to the pool table, and Dean was there; slamming the guy’s face into the bar counter.  Dean grabbed him by the throat, blood gushing from his obviously broken nose.

“You touch her again and I will end you.”  He said, his voice ice cold, although you knew it was more about him looking for a fight than anything else.  You pulled Dean back until he released the guy and you could step in front of him.

“Dean, that’s enough.  It’s okay.”  You said, keeping your tone soft.  He didn’t seem to register your presence.  Dean just kept his glare fixed over your shoulder at the guy while his friends were trying to carry him out of the door.

Dean tried to gently move you to the side so he could go after them, but you had your hands firmly placed on his hips, allowing you for anticipate each move and keep yourself in front of him.  You could see the switch inside him had flipped and you knew you had to break his concentration if you were going to bring him back to the present and keep him out of trouble.

“Dean…Dean look at me.”  You insisted, reaching your fingers up to his face and barely touching his jaw.  Dean’s eyelids fluttered for an instant as you broke his focus and he glanced down at you.  “It’s over; let’s get you out of here before the cops come.”  You pleaded calmly.

“I don’t care about them.”  He rolled his eyes and shrugged.  You sighed a little.

“Do you want to get Dick Roman?”  You asked, knowing the chance you were taking.  You saw the flames come to his eyes immediately.  “Then you have to stay out of jail.”  You pointed out forcefully. 

You could feel the bartender, out of earshot, watching fearfully when she saw the anger flash in Dean’s face, but you knew Dean would never hurt you.  It amazed you that you felt so confident about that, but you weren’t afraid of him at all.

“Ok, let’s go.”  He reluctantly agreed.  You breathed a sigh of relief and followed him out of the bar.  You walked with him as he stumbled across the parking lot, wanting to make sure he got all the way to the room, occasionally lending your hand to guide him until he reached the motel room door.

“Sammy!”  He slurred loudly, banging on the door.

“Do you have a room key?”  You asked.  Dean shrugged, his body leaning backwards and you reached out and grabbed his jacket to keep him from falling.  When you did, he took a step forward and put one hand on the wall behind you to steady himself, pinning you against it.

You felt your breath catch as you looked up into his green eyes.  For an instant you saw dampness in them before he closed them.  He leaned his forehead against yours, his other hand resting on your side, fighting to stay awake.  The smell of Whiskey and Leather filled your nose and you could feel a tingling sensation on your skin.

“I’m sorry.”  He whispered.  You didn’t know if he was talking about the fight, being so drunk, or Bobby, but it didn’t matter.  For a brief moment, you drank in his sadness, his anger temporarily subsided. 

Before you could say anything, you heard Sam unchaining the lock to open the door and Dean pulled away.  Sam sighed when he saw Dean, but just wrapped Dean’s arm around his shoulder and practically carried him into the room, laying him on the bed.  Within seconds, Dean was passed out.

The next morning, Dean groaned as he crawled out of bed and joined Sam at the table.  He downed some aspirin and then sipped on the coffee Sam put down in front of him.  He held his head in his hands, fighting the nausea he felt in his stomach and the feeling that his head was going to fall off before the aspirin kicked in. 

“So, what happened with you and Y/N last night?”  Sam asked, peering at him over the top of the laptop screen.  Dean looked up at him, his eyes squinting against the light, Sam’s tone making it obvious that it was a leading question.

“I don’t know.”  Dean moaned, rubbing his face with the palm of his hand.  “We played pool and I’m pretty sure I slammed some guy’s face into the bar. That’s all I remember.  I don’t even remember coming back to the room.”  He admitted.

“Huh…okay.”  Sam mumbled, turning back to his computer.  Dean glared up at him, definitely not in the mood for games this morning.

“Why?”  He asked, impatiently.  He glanced around the room.  “Did she leave?” 

“She’s next door.”  Sam answered.  He looked back up at his brother, a slight grin on his lips.  “I was just wondering what happened since you kept saying her name in your sleep.”  Sam added, seizing the opportunity to give his brother a hard time.

“Nothing happened, Sam.”  Dean sighed, getting up to take a shower before Sam could pester him anymore.  I was just drunk and she was the last person I saw, he told himself, a little bothered that he couldn’t remember.

When he got out of the shower, feeling a little better, he heard Sam’s voice outside and he started putting his things in his duffle bag.  He saw the flask and, after glancing at the door, he took a couple of drinks.  Just a little hair of the dog, he told himself, putting it back in the bag.

He heard your voice saying something back to Sam.  Although he couldn’t make out what it was, he knew instantly that it was your voice.  An image from his dream flashed back into his mind and he felt the heat rush to his face, a little surprised.  He had dreams about girls before, but this was different.  He didn’t dream about sleeping with you, at least not the part he could remember.  He dreamed about just being with you; holding your hand, laughing with you, loving you.

He blinked hard and sat down on the edge of the bed next to his duffle bag.  Where did that come from? Better yet, when did that start?  He wondered.  He couldn’t be sure.  The feeling had snuck up on him.  A million pictures and sounds ran through his head.

The way you twirled your hair between your fingers when you were reading

The way you always had an answer for his smartass comments

The way you cared about him and Sammy

Your laughter

Your smarts

Your toughness

The way you quieted at his touch.  He smiled at the thought of that one.  He liked that he could see that part of you, like it glowed in the dark.  It was almost like whatever was broken in him could sense it in you.

The way he felt more like himself when he was with you than any other time.  Like a part of him had been missing, but he didn’t know it until he met you and finally felt complete.

“Dean!!!”  Sam called, for the third time.  He was standing in the doorway to the hotel room, interrupting Dean from his thoughts.

“What?….oh yeah, I’m ready”  Dean answered, running his hand through his hair and closing the duffle bag.  He walked past Sam’s confused face and loaded his stuff in the car.

They were standing by the impala when you walked up to them.  You handed Sam a small piece of paper.

“I know you guys had to burn all of your contact information, but this is my personal cell.  My dad is the only one that has this number and it is with me all the time.  I will always answer it.  Keep it, just in case.  If you need anything, send me a code of some kind.  I’ll figure it out.”  You explained.

Sam reached down and pulled you into a big bear hug, lifting you off the ground.  “Take care, Y/N.”  he said.  He set you down and took a couple of steps back as you turned to face Dean.

“Come here.”  He said, grabbing your arm and pulling you to him.  You smiled as you wrapped your arms around him and he just held you close for a moment. You could feel his warmth mending the ache in your chest just a little. He closed his eyes and leaned his cheek against your hair. 

“Thank you.”  He whispered in your ear.

They both watched you get in your car, and with one final wave, you drove off toward the highway.  Dean hesitated until your car was out of sight.  He knew he couldn’t tell you how he felt.  They were in so much danger right now and he couldn’t put you through that.  What kind of life would that be?

“You really do like her.”  Sam said, amazed.  He hadn’t realized that there really was something to what Dean had been saying last night.

“Get in the car.”  Dean snapped, shooting a dirty look at him. 

“I should have known when you wanted to give her that necklace of mom’s"  Sam continued as he opened the passenger door and climbed in.

“Shut-up Sam.”  Dean added, rolling his eyes as he climbed in the car and they headed out in the opposite direction.

Next...

[holylulusworld]

Diary of a heartbroken girl

Summary: Dean kicks her out without giving her a reason. Now he reads her diary.

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam, Jody Mills, Claire Novak

Warnings: angst, sad reader, pregnant reader, implied smut, fluff

 Walking down the stairs you sigh. Dean was moody the whole drive back. Maybe as you keep your distance lately? But you have your reasons. You can’t tell him until you figured out what to do.

“You will leave the bunker!” Dean grunts and you freeze.

“What? Why?”

“You know exactly why.” Is all Dean says before storming toward his room.

Mouth agape you just stand there not believing what he just said. Only as you didn’t have sex with him the last months, he wants you to leave the bunker?

“What? But…Sammy?” You ask.

“Sorry, but this time I’m on Dean’s side. What you did is not okay.” Sam says and your heart drops. He told Sam that you kept your distance and now both want you to leave?

You want to argue but obviously, you were only a mattress Dean could use. Now you lost your usefulness.

Walking as fast as your feet will carry you, you enter your room to pack your things. You will leave him. At least now you don’t need to tell him your secret anymore.

----

“Dean?”

“Yeah.”

“Y/N forgot her diary. I think…uh…maybe we should give it back to her.”

“Burn it.”

“Dean!”

“Fine. Give it to me I’ll send it to Jody. I bet she’s hiding her unfaithful ass at her place.” Dean yells.

“Here. Take it.” Sam says.

----

Debating Dean looks at the diary. Maybe now he will find out whom you were fucking behind his back?

Opening the little diary, he starts reading the first lines…

“Today I met Dean Winchester, he has the most beautiful green eyes I ever saw. He barely registered me. Too busy to chat with a busty blonde chick. Well, he’s out of my league. Still, I wish someone like him would give me a second glance.”

Looking at the date he sees it’s the first time you met each other. Before John died and before everything went downhill.

Looking at the next pages Dean is looking for his name. The next entry is two years later.

“Dean was at the hunter's bar. He didn’t remember me. Of course not. Why would someone like him remember me? I’m not pretty or hot. Plain and boring. Someone like him would never remember me.”

Swallowing hard he looks for more entries with his name. The next one is right after Bobby died. He didn’t meet you for years.

“Bobby is dead. I heard from Sam about his death and came to his funeral. Dean didn’t remember me again. I really tried so hard to stay away from him. He barely greeted me. Well, I’m not worth it, I guess. Sam hugged me goodbye. Dean didn’t even give me a glance. Well…whatever.”

The next pages are filled with hunts, losses, and loneliness. The next entry with his name is right after he came back from purgatory.

“Dean and Sam stumbled into my case. Dean didn’t look good. Somethings off with him. For the first time, he looked at me. He almost looked like a predator. In the end, he left with another bar fling. I should stop hanging my heart at a man who will never love me back. Seeing him again would be worse. I wasted so many years hoping he will finally see me.”

‘She loves me…for years?’

The next entry is a few weeks later…from the night, the first night he spent with you…

“Dean Winchester kissed me! He kissed me! But he didn’t stop, he touched me and I melted into him. I didn’t tell him it was my first time. Dean was gentle and caring it didn’t hurt too much. I enjoyed every minute.”

‘OMG! She was a virgin? She didn’t tell me?’ Dean thinks to himself.

And another entry with his name…two weeks later. The paper looks like it got wet … tears … those are tears…

“He left…after he had what he wanted, Dean left. I woke up in an empty motel room. Not even a note was left. What did I expect? I was no one special. Maybe I was even a pity fuck…” The entry ends there…

After that, there are no entries about him. Only hunts, injuries…nothing else. The next entry is from the time you moved into the bunker.

“Dean acts like we never…well, I guess I wasn’t memorable. I’m boring, plain. He didn’t remember our night. Tonight, he went home with another chick. I will stop going into a bar with Sam and Dean. I can’t bear the hurting any longer. It breaks me every time more…”

The next entries are sad words about how you felt every time Dean talks about his latest conquests. Then you stopped writing for a while. The next entry is from the first night he spent with you again.

“He kissed me again. Told me how beautiful I’m…I gave in even knowing he will hurt me again.”

After that, you barely wrote anything only that he comes to your room and leaves before Sam can find out. Months filled with doubts and fears.

The last entry is from three months ago. The time you stopped letting him touch you. The time you started keeping your distance.

“How could this happen? We were careful. I’m on birth control. Oh god, he will hate me. Dean will hate me…how can I be pregnant? I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want a relationship, it was hard enough to tell Sam without Dean getting mad but a baby…”

The next two months are filled with fear and doubts. That you keep your distance to hide the baby. That’s the reason you refuse to hunt. The reason you refuse to let him touch you.

A knot is forming into his stomach. Reading about all the fears and doubts. You must’ve been so scared the last months. Baby, you’re going to have his baby and he kicked you out.

Your diary still in his hand he storms into the garage. Almost bumping into Sam, he stares at his brother with wide eyes. Giving him the keys, he enters the passengers seat.

“Where?” Sam asks.

“Jody’s. I need to see her. Y/N is pregnant with my baby.” Dean whispers.

“What? I thought she cheated on you.”

“I read her diary. The reason she kept her distance was that she’s pregnant. Sam, she’s so scared. I didn’t see it. All the things I read. We need to hurry.”

----

“So will you tell me who the father is?” Jody asks softly.

Casting your look down you debate if you can tell her or not.

“Is it one of the Winchesters?”

Giving her a little nod, you remain silent. Jody is a good friend, you can trust her.

“Dean.”

“Does he know?”

“No. I didn’t know how to tell him. We don’t have a real relationship. It’s not that he loves me or so. He for sure doesn’t want a baby with me.”

“Is that the reason you left?”

“He kicked me out. I guess as I stopped having sex with him. I had to hide the baby so…he only let me stay as I let him have me, I guess.”

“Dean kicked you out. What about Sam?”

“Sam said he’s on Dean’s side that what I did was…I got no clue what I have done.”

“I’m sorry. You can stay here as long as you want to. Don’t worry.”

“Thank you. I got nowhere to go.”

----

“She’s pregnant? How did that happen?”

“I don’t have the time to tell you how sex works. I need to talk to her. I read the whole diary. I hurt her. All those years I hurt her, ignored her and now I kicked her our without a reason.”

“You thought she cheated on you.”

“But I had no proof only that she didn’t want sex with me anymore. I was hurt in my pride, Sammy. I thought she found someone better than me. I should’ve talked to her.”

“Dean, are you in love with her?”

“Uh…I was hurt when I thought that she let someone else touch her.”

“Dude, you got it bad.”

“Shut up, bitch. She’s mine. No one can touch her.”

“As I said, Jerk. You got it bad. How do you intend to fix this?”

“I got no clue, Sam. Any advice?”

“Begging? Flowers? Telling her how you feel?”

“Flowers? At that time? I mean it’s 2 am.”

“Jody has some roses behind her house.”

“I shall steal Jody’s flowers? She’s a cop, Sam.”

“Just saying….”

“Fine. You will distract her and I will steal the flowers…”

----

Rummaging in your bags you look for your diary but you can’t find it. Where is your diary? Oh, no. You were hiding it under your bed. You forgot it. Well no one will look under your bed – right? No, wait you wrote some lines and placed it into the nightstand!

Shall you call Sam? No, he wanted you gone too. Maybe Cas? He could sneak in and bring it to you. Yes, you will call him tomorrow. He will help you for sure.

----

“How far away are we?” Dean mutters.

“Twenty minutes or so but it’s 4 am. I don’t think you want to wake Jody at that time of the day.” Sam says.

“I will sneak in. Look for Y/N and drag her out.”

“Drag her out? She ain't a sandwich. Y/N is pregnant and you kicked her out. Do you really think she will follow you on free terms?”

“Then I’ll kidnap her!”

“You really got it bad, dude.”

“No…maybe…shut up, Bitch!”

“Just telling the truth. You should talk to her first.”

“Fine. Now drive Dr. Phil.”

----

Sleeping peacefully you don’t hear someone sneaking into your room. The stolen rose in his hand he tiptoes toward your bed.

Before you know what’s happening you hear yelling and the light gets flicked on.

Flinching at the sudden intrusion you look around the room. Aimed gun in your hand you see Claire and Jody aiming a gun at Dean while he has a rose in his hand…with roots on it.

“You stole one of my roses?” Jody mutters.

“Uh…I needed one for Y/N. Sorry. Can you two lower your guns?”

“Why should we asshole?” Claire grunts.

“I…this is a misunderstanding. I didn’t know…uh…can I talk to her? Please.”

“Y/N?” Jody asks. Ignoring Dean she looks at you.

“It’s okay,” you whisper.

“We are downstairs. If he tries anything just yell!” Claire says threatening Dean with her gun.

Before closing the door behind her Jody gives you a nod.

“What do you want?” You ask.

“You see…I read your diary…”

Eyes widen you start crying. He read all your thoughts and he knows…oh god he knows everything.

“Hey, don’t cry. Uh…the reason I kicked you out is…I thought you are cheating on me. I couldn’t bear the thought that someone else touched you.”

“I didn’t cheat on you. By the way, you can’t cheat on someone you don’t have a relationship with.”

“I’m sorry. Your diary…uh…is it true? All of it?”

Looking away you don’t answer his question…he read your diary…he already knows.

“You see…please come home. I’m sorry for kicking you out. I didn’t know. Please. The baby.”

“Don’t worry. You don’t have to feel responsible.”

But I want to. This is my baby! You are mine. Now grab your stuff and come back.”

“I shouldn’t come back.”

“Oh, wait. Here.” Giving you the meanwhile dead rose he looks at the pitiful flower.

Starting to laugh you take it out of his hands. Rubbing his neck nervously he stares down at you.

“You stole Jody’s rose?”

“Yeah. I wanted to buy some flowers but Sam suggested stealing Jody’s roses.”

“She will kick your ass.”

“Can I sit on the bed?”

“Hmm…”

“You were afraid to tell me about the baby? That was the reason you were so distant.”

“We don’t have a real relationship, so I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

“Do you want to?”

“Want what, Dean?”

“Have a relationship with me, I mean officially.”

“What I want doesn’t count. You proved it by kicking me out.”

“Do you have an ultrasound picture?”

“On the last page of my diary.”

“Really…wait.” Opening the diary, he looks for the last page. Finding the ultrasound picture he smiles. He can barely see the baby but knowing this is his makes him proud.

“Looks like a raisin.” He chuckles.

“No, look there is the head.” You scold.

“Hmm…still it looks like a raisin but it’s our raisin.”

“It’s a boy, Castiel told me so.”

“We’re going to have a boy?”

“Yeah.”

“Awesome. Can I see the bump?”

Nodding you shove your sleepshirt upwards to show Dean your three months baby bump. A bright smile on his face he gently touches the little bump. His hand is slightly shaking while he can’t take his eyes off your swollen stomach.

“Will you come back? I’m sorry for thinking you cheated on me.”

“Do you really want this?”

“Hmm…please. Come home.”

“Okay. But can I sleep a bit first? I’m tired.”

“Sure. Can I stay here? I don’t want Jody to kick my ass.”

“Fine by me.”

Lying down behind you Dean holds you tight. His left hand is gently stroking your baby bump while you slowly drift into sleep.

Tomorrow he will buy you a new diary to write down all the good things he will do for you from now on. Starting with making you move into his room.

Tomorrow he will start giving you all you deserve as you will soon give him what he needs…a family…

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster-deactivat, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom, @thewinchesterco, @hobby27, @kittycatlover18, @gh0stgurl, @marvelfansworld , @sandlee44, @hawaiianohana15, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @katpatrova17, @notyourtypicalrose , @heyitscam99, @onethingthatkeepsmealive, @natura1phenomenon, @flamencodiva, @echoesofpassion, @cocklesbelli, @anushay1998, @voltage-my2dlove, @wayward-gabriel, @fandom-princess-forevermore, @thenamelesschibi, @lauravic, @fandomsrourlives

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags        

@spnfamily-thewinchesters, @love-my-not-natural-babies, @supernatural-bellawinchester, @butifulsoul125, @lyinginthegingerlocks, @mirandaaustin93, @hawaiianohana15, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester, @20gayneen, @x2closebut2farx, @janicho88, @thefaithfulwriter, @dreaminemz, @negans-lucille-tblr, @sadwaywardkid, @akshi8278, @hhiggs