#Bluey - Mum on the phone

[blurban-form]

Mum on the Phone

Mum goes through a range of emotions and facial expressions while dealing with a call from work in “Driving”.

[wjhik]

Maybe We Were a Bit Too Loud.. (Jude Bellingham) *Smut*

A/N: been a bit too many Jude stories. if yall have any trent requests pls send

Y/N's POV:

Jude and I have both been so occupied in our work, we have barely got any time to spend with our daughter, let alone ourselves. Kiera had a play at school, so I got off work early. Unfortunately, Jude couldn't make it. She was quite upset about it, but I made sure to make it up to her. We had a girls day. We went to the Salon and got our nails done. I needed a refill on my nails and she wanted to get some color for her birthday party in a few days. I also got her some ice cream and had a shopping spree.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Kiera yells. She really doesn't have to be so loud. I'm right next to her. It has been a long day. As fun as it was, it was fucking exhausting. I look at her and she shows me some toy that she has, explaining it as if I didn't buy it for her. "Honey, that's amazing." I play into her excitement. "Mum, I'm hungry." She tells me, abruptly dropping her toy. "Let's get you some food, my little hungry bunny." I say, scooping her up and kissing her tummy. She starts wriggling in a fit of ticklish laughter.

I finish making spaghetti Bolognese as per my hungry bunny's request. She's just like her father. I take out her Minnie Mouse plate from the kitchen cabinet and give her some pasta. I also pair it with some leftover mashed potato and some freshly steamed broccoli and carrots. "Mama! I don't like carrots!" Kiera yells, very politely. "I know, sweetheart, but if you don't want to end up with glasses like mama, you have to have them." I tell her. She's not a picky eater, unlike me, but carrots are her weakness. It's not fun waking up to see a blurry husband, and if she wants to escape my genetic curse of poor eyesight, she has to eat her carrot. "Hmph. Fine." She says, crossing her arms but still listening to me. She's such a blessing.

As I'm serving myself the spaghetti and the vegetables (purely to be a good roll model to my daughter) for myself, I hear the door lock rattling. I look up to see my husband walk through the door. "Daddy!!" Kiera yells, attempting to get off of our high counter chairs. Jude quickly walks to his carbon copy and picks her up. "Hello, my love." He says, littering her face with kisses and placing her back on her chair. She continues munching away at her veggies. "Mhh...Whatever you made smells amazing." He says, walking to the back of the counter, where I place my plate onto the table and get out his plate. "Spaghetti Bolognese." I tell him. He grabs me by the waist and places a kiss on my head. "Missed ya." He says, then placing a kiss on my lips. "Missed you too." I reply. "Ewwww." We hear a little voice say. Our little love session is interrupted by Kiera fake gagging. She learns too much from Jobe. "Alright, alright. Go sit down, love." I tell Jude. He sits down and I place his food in front of him. He quickly gobbles it up.

"Mama, can we watch bluey?" Kiera asks. "No, honey. It's mama's turn to choose." Jude says. Kiera is sat on her little pink blanket at the left in of our very large L-shaped white couch. Jude and I are sitting on the right side. "But, daddy-" She argues back. "No 'but's." Jude says sternly. "You got your turn yesterday, and I was before you. Mama's last few turns were taken by us, too. It's time we let her choose." He explains to our daughter. She lets out a huff and puff. "Jude, it's not that serious. Let her watch. I'm pretty tired anyways." I whisper to Jude a bit too loud. "Yay! Thank you, mama!" She says, taking the remote from Jude and playing her show. "Baby, you can't give in." Jude begins a lecture. "Hey, don't tell me. You're the one who spoils her." I tell him. I'm supposed to be the strict parent, not him.

Jude put's his arm over my shoulders after the 76th episode of these stupid Australian dogs. I would go to bed, but this is the only family time we've had in weeks. I reach for my phone to check when bedtime will roll around. I let out a sigh as I realize tomorrow is a weekend, therefor she can sleep in. Jude senses my frustration and pulls me in deeper. Kiera's trance is broken when she looks over to see her parents at peace. She immediately stands up on the couch makes the strut towards us. She decides to sit right in between Jude and I, of course cuddling him and giving me her back. Jude and I's cuddle session was cut way too short.

My head moves from it’s comfortable position on the back of the couch to look at where the little snores are coming from. I see our little monkey finally asleep after 3 long hours of Australian dogs. I pat Jude's arm and he, in response, picks her up and starts walking towards the stairs. I clean up some of the cups, snacks, and toys left on the coffee table and quickly follow Jude's path. I close the baby gate at the top of the stairs Jude installed when Kiera starting crawling and head towards Keira's bedroom. I creak the door open to see Jude putting her into bed. He firmly tucks her into bed and places her pink bunny next to her. On his way out, he turns on her moon-shaped nightlight, as she's afraid of the dark, and shuts the door behind him.

Jude backs out of the room, still facing his daughter. He turns around and gets slightly startled by me standing directly behind him. "Fuck, baby. You scared me. I didn't know you were there." He says putting his hand on his own chest. "I'm sorry." I tell him, nuzzling myself into his chest. I haven't been able to feel Jude without another little lady jumping on him. Jude places his hand on the back of my head and pushes me further into him. "Let's get you to bed, pretty lady." He grabs my hand and leads me to our shared bedroom.

"Where are you going? You've already done all your bathroom shit." He tells me as I throw the blanket off myself. "Mama's going to go change into some PJs. She doesn't feel like being caught in a bra and panties when Keira decides to love bomb you tomorrow morning." Did I just say that? "Mama's gonna do what?" Jude makes fun of my use of 'mom language'. "See what this damn kid is doing to me?" I tell him, walking into our walk-in closet. I walk into my side of our closet. I open the drawer of 'sexy' underwear I have. it's basically has cobwebs on it. I pick out Jude's formerly favorite white set. I look at myself in the mirror, feeling better about myself than the last time I put it on.

Jude took me to a fancy hotel a few weeks after Keira was born to give me a break. I decided to bring along this set to 'impress' him. I was freshly postpartum, and I felt very insecure. I haven't put it on since then, but I've been working hard to get my prepartum body back. Obviously, I don't look the same as young, active, 20-year-old Y/N Jude met, but I would say I look pretty darn okay. I quickly slip on a silky robe, coming right under my arse. I tie it in a way where it cinches my waist and leaving the front open enough to give Jude a peak of his former bestie.

Jude is sat up on his side of the bed, book in hand. (Jude 110% does not read before but, but dad!jude does) I walk over to my side of the bed, taking an excessive amount of time in hopes that Jude will notice me. "Hey, baby? I was wondering if- Whoa." He says, taking his eyes away from his book. "Whoa?" I say, pretending to be clueless. Jude quickly puts his book on the side table and pushes the blanket off of his lap. He gets up and walks towards me. I open my arms for him to come into. He grabs my waist and I wrap my arms around his neck. "You look amazing, love." He tells me, leaning in to kiss my neck. He starts licking and sucking on the sensitive spot behind my ear. "Jude..." I moan, throwing my head back. Jude leaves my neck and puts his hands right where my robe ends. He effortlessly lifts me up.

He goes back to kissing me as he walks us over to the bed. He places me in the middle of it. He undoes my robe and kisses me from my neck down to my stomach. He leaves a few bites and marks on my stomach. He works his way down to my panties and slowly takes them off. He starts to lick and suck on my clit. He slowly works his way up to using 3 fingers inside me. I'm moaning and whining with my hands in his hair. "Fuck, Jude. That feels so good!" I moan out, grabbing his hair even tighter. Normally, he would talk a lot during sex, but he's so focus on me and making me feel good that he can't be bothered to dirty talk.

"Fuck, baby. Just like that. Ride me like that. Taking me so well." He says, pushing my hips back and forth. He has my robe open up top, but tied up. I ended up getting too cold, but we were too eager to stop to change the temperature, so I put on the robe again. I have my hands on his chest, using him as leverage to keep me moving. I feel my legs give out, and Jude senses it. He grabs me and flips me onto the bed. He quickly gives me a passionate kiss and pulls out of me. "Turn over, baby. On your belly." He tells me. I quickly obey, too horny to resist. I get on my hands and knees. Jude pushes his dick back in and thrusts into me at an ungodly pace. The headboard is slamming against our wall, and I'm making some very loud and lewd noises. Jude reaches up to my head and grabs a handful of my long hair. He wraps it around his hand and uses it to pull my head back. He uses this to kiss my neck, leaving even more marks than before. He pulls me off my hands and makes me grab the headboard. He wraps his unused hand around my throat and squeezes lightly. "You like that, baby? Like the way I'm fucking you?" Jude grunts into my ear. "Yes, baby. Fuck, you fuck me so good!" I moan out. I can feel a knot start to go undone in my stomach. "Baby, I'm gonna-" I tell him, reaching back to put my hands in his hair. "I know, sweetie. Cum for me. Cum around me, my love." As I hear that, I quickly let my orgasm wash over me, Jude following close behind me, filling me up with his warm cum.

"That was amazing." He tells me, kissing my sweaty forehead. Jude had cleaned me and himself up and gotten us some very fancy champagne from our wine cellar. "I know. I'm glad we got some time alone, finally." I tell him, looking up to kiss his lips. It's been way too long since Jude and I got freaky. It's hard to find the time when you're raising the clingiest child of all time. Jude takes a sip of his sparkly drink and turns on the electronic fireplace. It's mainly ambience, but it's nice to have. He turns off the two nightlights and gets comfy. Him and I drink and talk the night away, until we both cave to our parental positions and fall asleep with a show in the background.

(Time skip)

I open my eyes to see a blurry world. I reach over to the side table where I fumble until I find my glasses. I put them on and turn to face my husband. Somewhere along the night, he turned off the T.V. and tucked us into bed, taking off my glasses and placing them on my side table. On the rare occasion where I get to see him, he looks so beautiful in the mornings. I snuggle into him and kiss his forehead. I nuzzle into him and close my eyes once again, enjoying the quite morning. No rush. No Keira. This is nice. I feel Jude stirring slightly. He knows I'm awake as I have my glasses on. He places a kiss on my lips as I kiss him back. "Good morning." I tell him, giddy as ever. It's like it's our first night together at his mum's place again. "Good morning, love." He says in his raspy morning voice. Him and I chat a little before hearing a door creak open. I look over Jude's shoulder to see Kiera standing there with her bunny in her hands, her hair wild as ever.

"Can I come in?" She asks, rubbing her eyes. I quickly but discreetly slip on my panties that were discarded the night before. "Of course, love." Jude says, opening his arms to his baby girl. He places her in the middle of us, and for once she chooses to cuddle me and not Jude. I accept her cuddles with open arms and pull her in closer. "I like this. It's soft." She tells me, rubbing over my robe. Jude lets out a laugh and kisses the back of her head. He slings his arm over the two of us and pulls us into him.

"Daddy? I have a question." She asks her father who has his head on the pillow and his eyes closed. He lets out a 'hmm?' while keeping his eyes closed. "Are you nice to mama?" Jude and and I are both shocked by the question. "Of course he is, baby. Why are you asking?" I ask her. "I heard some banging on the wall yesterday and you yelling." She tells us, now sitting up. Jude and I both mentally face palm. I look at him, expecting an answer just to see him looking at me the same way. "Sweety, mama and I were just playing. She's fine." Jude explains to her. "But you said that you shouldn't play in a way where people get hurt." She says crossing her arms, visibly upset with her daddy. "Baby, I wasn't hurt." I tell her, rubbing her arm. "Then, why were you yelling?" She asks. "Umm..." I look over to Jude for an answer once again, but he is looking around the room, playing dumb. Amazing. "You know how you start yelling when your daddy tickles you? Like that." I come up with an excuse. "Oh. Daddy tickled you for a long time then." Jude starts snickering and I simply nod. Keira nods, satisfied with the answer. Jude tells her to go use the toilet and brush her teeth. She gets up and marches out of the room.

"So, can I tickle you again?"

Wattpad: funkyfishfeet

DM for requests

[marvelmaniac715]

I made my mother watch tv shows I like, here were her thoughts:

Doctor Who - we watched all of Modern Who, a season and a half of the First Doctor, the Second Doctor’s final serial and have moved on to the Third Doctor (I just couldn’t sit through anymore black and white tv 😅) safe to say she enjoyed it

Good Omens - this one was dicey since she’s Christian and I wasn’t sure what she’d think of the themes, but she liked it for the most part, vastly preferring Season One to Season Two (it was actually the first time I watched Good Omens but I knew about the twist at the end of Season Two… it was very hard to fake shock but my mum and sister weren’t at all interested in the heartbreak)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - we watched the entirety of the show in a very short amount of time and are now two hours into the Lightning Thief audiobook, she loves it

Wandavision - this, along with Hawkeye, was the only Marvel show that I could convince my mum and sister to watch, and although she’s sat through a few Marvel movies with me I can sense that it is very much not her thing

The Goes Wrong Show - my entire family enjoys Mischief Theatre so she did enjoy it but won’t do repeated viewings because she thinks it’s less funny if you know what’ll happen (I very much disagree and have watched every episode many times)

Bluey - this show is what inspired me to make this post, she caught me playing a Bluey game on my phone (don’t judge me it’s a comforting show) and I convinced her to watch some episodes with me, we watched the first four episodes (up to Shadowlands) and she laughed approximately five times in total, it reminds her too much of Peppa Pig (my favourite show when I was little) and she winced whenever Bluey or Bingo laughed (she’s got a thing about kids making noise when playing outside) but I think she’ll watch more episodes with me

EDIT: For some reason I put the word ‘three’ in the title, no clue why, ignore me, I’m super tired 😭

[aokozaki]

Bluey is good for parents and kids, like there's a bit in the special length episode where Bluey gets to sit in the front seat. She asks Chilli please please please, and Chilli has to pull up the Australian Road Rules on her phone (checking the government website, presumably).

If the child's older than four, and all the other seats are taken, they can drive shotgun. Okay, it's allowed, mum lets Bluey sit in the front.

It's both a kinda cute gag of having to double check, and also really useful for parents. Not just for telling them the information, but giving them a good example to shoot back to kids: No no, you remember the Bluey episode, it's only allowed if you've above four and all the other seats are taken.

[danisbrainrot]

Hi I was wondering if you can please do one with Johanna having a crush on her neighbour who's a single mom, nurse, ones she asks Johanna to baby-sit her kid cuz she get en emergency shift Johanna say yes, and how they become friends and how Johanna get the corrige to tell reader her feelings, and then them just being lovey dovey

Reader's kid is a mischievous, witty kid and maybe around 4 yo

a/n: I always find it hilarious when people say modern au about the hunger games to mean the au is happening now, so I used present time instead because I feel that's more accurate. sorry if that's not what you meant, anon, if you wanted it set in the hunger games timeline I'll totally write something similar.

present time! au. johanna x female!reader

you sighed in relief as you heard the knock on the door. grabbing your keys and a water bottle, you flung the door open and wrapped your arms around johanna. "thank you, thank you, thank you so much. you're a lifesaver, honestly," you praised, squeezing her tightly.

"anytime," johanna promised, mourning when you finally pulled away from her. a small body made its way in between the two of you, clinging to your leg desperately.

your toddler pouted up at you, causing your heart to melt. you crouched to their level, tucking a strand of hair behind their ear and kissing their cheek. "I know, I'm so sorry, bubba. but mummy's gotta work," you coo. "johanna's here though. she'll have so much fun with you, I promise."

the little girl shook her head, not letting go until johanna teasingly sighed. "well, if you don't let your mum go, I guess I have to take my barbie's home," johanna held the desired toys up on display for the four year old.

"ok, bye mummy," she said quickly, almost pushing you out the door. you laughed, shaking you heard in amusement as you heard the door slam shut.

johanna found herself exhausted by the end of the night. she'd played barbie dolls with the toddler for a good twenty minutes, before your kid decided she was bored and wanted to do something else. they'd raided your closet for something to dress up in, then tried to bake a cake (which turned into a disaster once they realised neither of them could cook). finally they'd watched frozen together, as your daughter sang along to all the songs—johanna couldn't imagine how the young girl wasn't sick of this movie yet, considering this was her third watch and she already wanted to bash the tv against the wall. she'd didn't know how you were so patient.

it wasn't until late at night when your kid finally fell asleep. she snuggled into johanna's side, watching as bluey got up to some wacky adventure. johanna couldn't be more delighted to turn the tv off, finding her head leaning against the little one's, and her eyes fluttering shut.

the sound of keys in the door and you dragging yourself through the house woke johanna up. she groaned, checking her phone to see the time was five in the morning. she got up, replacing her body with a pillow for the kid to sleep on, and walked to the kitchen.

you were scourging the fridge for something to eat, before sighing and pulling out last night's leftovers. you put it in the microwave, watching in a trance like state as the container slowly turned around.

"how was your shift?" you almost jumped out of your skin at the question; you hadn't expected anyone to be awake.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" you ask, forgetting your food and moving to hug johanna. she just shook her head, squeezing you tightly. "it was shit. two car crashes and an outbreak of cholera in some workplace. we're so understaffed and they're stretching us thin—sorry, I should ask how you went. was she a good girl?"

"she was a sweetheart," johanna promises, finally pulling away from you. you sigh in relief, nodding as the annoying beep of the microwave interrupting your conversation. you sit at the table, scoffing down your dinner when johanna sits besides you and places a hand on yours. "I need to tell you something."

your eyes widen, wondering if something had happened while she was babysitting as you drop the fork in a panic. "is something wrong? did something happen to—"

"no, nothing is wrong. I just. . ." johanna sighes, rubbing her brows gently before looking up at you again, "I love you. I love the way you look after everyone, how you're always so kind—even when they definitely don't deserve it—and most importantly, I love your kid," you're taken aback at the confession.

johanna can feel her heart pounding as she waits for a response, but you're stunned into silence. you blink suddenly, trying to comprehend what she was saying, before parting your lips. "johanna. . . I—i don't know what to say," you reply honestly.

"you don't have to," she mumbles, getting up and walking away to conceal the blood running to her cheeks, scarlet with embarrassment. she knew it was a risk to confess her feelings—she knew there was a big chance they wouldn't be reciprocated—but still, she wore her heart on her sleeve.

you got up and grabbed her arm, pulling her back. "johanna, wait," you whisper, coming face to face with her. you stare deeply into her eyes, trying to detect any hesitation or concern. when you see only her loving gaze, you lean forward and smash your lips onto hers. "I love you too," you mumble against her lips, before kissing her passionately again.

"is johanna gonna be my new mummy?" you both pull apart in shock, watching as your four year old wiped the sleep from her eyes.

you laugh, facing johanna and wiggling your eyebrows, before turning to face your daughter again. you crouch down to her level, pulling her in close and squeezing her tightly. "she sure is, baby," you whisper into her neck, as johanna crouches down beside you, embracing both you and your daughter.

[themarginalthinker]

this drabble of the band au is called 'ear worm'

(Laddie has a favorite show. Can you guess what it is?)

(For @spidercookie18 ! This is set in the band au! It's 2021, covid never happened, and the Boys are preforming. Dwayne sets Laddie up with some distractions, and may accidentally distract everyone else as well. In this au, Laddie is Dwayne's biological child, Star being the surrogate mom for them.)

-

"Okay, all strapped in?"

"Yeah!"

Laddie kicks his feet up, tugging at the strap of the booster seat that he sat on as Dwayne loaded in the last dufflebag. They were going to be staying a couple days, and needed more than a change of clothing. A lot more.

Dwayne goes over his mental list again, for what feels like the hundredth time. Clothing, spare clothing, for the both of them, Laddie's books, Dwayne's work laptop, spare kit for the drums just to be safe, snack bag, phone, keys-

"Can I have the tablet?" Laddie asks.

Dwayne looks up, and then nods. As much as he did just finish packing them, he admits that this is a worthy investment. It was going to be a bit of a drive after all, and Laddie had recently started getting carsick while reading. Oh, shit, did he pack the Dramamine and Tylenol? He was pretty sure he did, but maybe not, and better safe than sorry...

Dwayne finds his prize in the bottom (he never did learn how to pack a bag that well...) of his clothing bag. Full charge, ready to go. He navigates to the movies saved to it, and hands it to Laddie.

"All good?"

"Yes!"

"Alright."

Dwayne steps back, making one final check of everything in his head, and then closes the door, walking around to the driver's side. He gets in, starts it up, and gets this show on the road.

-

It's a good set. A really good set. Everyone had been on point tonight - from the roadies to the Band, the show had gone off without a hitch. Th crowd had been big - basically a sold out show - but not unmanageable. Dwayne almost finds it suspicious. A little stage superstition, likely.

They clear off, Dwayne flexing his hands as he does, tucking away his sticks into his back pocket. Dwayne navigates the back halls of the stage, passing people walking around who made the show work. Honestly, Dwayne often says, he just plays music. It's everyone else who does the hard work.

The greenroom is a small series of connected rooms, and the guys were already back there, hanging out, dressing down. Dwayne himself reaches into his mouth, feeling the plastic prosthetics. (Even after ten years with them, he still didn't know how David managed the permanent fang inserts...)

He comes to the room marked for The Lost Boys, and pushes open the door.

The first thing he sees is. Well. The Boys. David, Paul, and Marko. They'd all left the stage at the same time, But Dwayne had stopped to talk to one of the roadies about something.

The three of them are all clustered around a couch, where Laddie sat. There were scattered books and colored pencils and other such entertainment for a child, but he had his tablet back out. Marko was leaning on the arm of the couch, David and Paul over the back, looking rather...focused. The lot of them were only half out of their costumes.

Then Dwayne hears it.

"Mum!"

Laddie kicks his feet in time with the beat.

"Dad!"

A jaunty tune plays.

"Bingo!"

Dwayne steps forward, and looks down at the tablet screen.

"Bluey!"

"Bluey!"

Dwayne actually raises an eyebrow at Paul, who had actually mumbled the titular character's name along with the show.

"Where the hell did you find this, man?" Marko says, jabbing a thumb at the show.

Dwayne shrugs. "He got sick one day, and this seemed like something good to zone out to while resting. It's a favorite."

"This is a really fu- uh. Freakin' catchy show, dude," Paul agrees.

Dwayne smirks, and starts to walk away, prepared to change, and get Laddie back to the hotel hopefully before it got too late.

"Your funeral."

David looks up. "What?"

Dwayne reaches up to tap his temple. "Once it's in there, it doesn't leave."

Marko rolls his eyes, standing up properly now that the moment had been broken, apparently. "It's a kid's show. We used to make fun of Barney growing up."

The night moves on, and the band closes out their night. They get invited out for an aftershow, but Dwayne declines. He's carrying Laddie through the halls and into bed, settling in with him. Another successful night in a life he never thought possible.

-

"Buh buh buh...mm, mm, mmm- uh. Shit."

"I told you. It gets in there, man."

"Shut up, Dwayne."

[uncaaj]

Fanfic: Double Babysitter (from Frisky and Rad's POV) (Bluey)

READ NOW ON AO3!

A vibrating sound turned Chilli Heeler away from her book and to her night stand. She grabbed her phone and tapped the new notification. Her ears drooped upon reading the distraught text from her friend Frisky. “Oh no…”

Her husband Bandit exited the bathroom, wiping his snout and slinging the hand towel over his shoulder. “So where do you wanna go for date night, babe?”

Chill shook her head and motioned her big blue toward the bed. “Bandit, Frisky broke up with Bosco.”

“What?” Bandit laid down next to her and skimmed through the ongoing conversation Frisky was sending pictures of. “I thought he was the one. He seemed like a stand-up guy.”

“Frisky thought so too. Apparently he was chatting up another girl at a barbecue last week who then told Frisky about it.” 

“Ooh, bummer,” Bandit winced before shrugging. “Well, good riddance, I say. She’ll do fine without him.” He kissed Chilli and settled into his pillow.

Chilli set her phone where it was and nestled closer to her husband. “Eventually,” she said, wrapping an arm around Bandit. “I wanna help her, though.”

“Maybe babysitting the kids will cheer her up?” Bandit suggested.

“Didn’t your brother say he wanted to babysit this time?” asked Chilli.

“Oh, right, forgot. The kids love their uncle Rad.”

“Yeah, they do,” Chilli concurred. “He’s kind, strong, if a bit scatterbrained.”

“A lot scatterbrained,” Bandit corrected, and the pair laughed. “Don’t forget his propensity for jumping into pools.”

“But you’re all like that,” said Chilli, nudging Bandit with her elbow.

“Ha! I suppose. Yup, he’s a catch. Small wonder he hasn’t been snapped up yet.”

The pair let the warm night air and fluttering fruit bats outside start to lull them to sleep. Bandit rolled over to face Chilli and met wide eyes with a hint of mischief. 

“Uh, babe?” he said, sitting up. “You’re making the ‘I have a plan’ eyes again.”

Chilli hesitated, but couldn’t help herself. “Okay, it’s crazy,” she said in a low voice, “But I may have a plan, and it’s called-“

+++

CHILLI: “This episode of Bandit is called ‘Double Babysitter.’”

+++

“Five min away,” read the latest text from Radley. Bandit locked his phone and grabbed the expensive cologne from the bathroom cabinet. “Are you sure this’ll work, babe?” he asked, spraying it on his neck fur.

“You never really know,” said Chilli, brushing her hair, “but my intuition’s never steered me wrong before.”

“I feel like I’m playing puppets with dolls I shouldn’t be playing with.”

“It’ll be fine, big fella.” Chilli placed her hands on his shoulders. “She was telling me last night she’d never try again. I want her to bounce back strong, okay?”

Bandit sighed. “Fair enough.”

“Plus there’s Lamingtons in it for you at the restaurant,” Chilli cooed, booping Bandit’s nose.

Bandit sniffed. “Well, you could’ve started with that!”

“Started with what?” asked Bluey.

The pair of Heelers looked down and there were their kids, as if by magic. They had a knack for it.

“Why does Dad smell funny?” asked Bingo.

“I knew it still worked.” said Bandit, making lovey-dovey eyes as Chilli rolled hers. Bandit knelt down to their level. “Me and your mum are going on a date, remember?”

“And your uncle Rad is on his way to babysit,” said Chilli.

Bluey slumped. “Oh yeah.”

“Don’t worry, kiddo,” Bandit encouraged. “You’ll have lots of fun.”

“I love uncle Rad!” said Bingo, her tail wagging. “He’s kind and funny.” 

A screeching sounded outside startling everyone. A hollow plastic thump followed. They ran to the balcony, searching for the disturbance.

“Don’t worry, Chilli!” called Wendy Chow-Chow, who was lounging in her front yard. “Bandit, your brother’s here! And I’d see to your wheelie bins before the bin chickens do.”

“If a little reckless…” Chilli sighed.

Bandit felt a buzz on his hip and took out his phone. “Yeah, he’s here.”

Chilli waved. “Thanks, Wendy!”

+++

Radley Heeler twirled his keys in his hand and strolled up to the porch. He opened the door and peered inside. Not a soul was there to greet him, which gave him a funny idea. He snuck inside, carefully shutting the door behind him and tiptoed to the red armchair, pulling it out just enough so he could hide behind it. 

Just as he settled in, his niece bounded down the stairs, cheering, “Uncle Rad’s here!” She threw the door open and met with an empty porch. “Hi, uncle Ra…where is he?”

Radley pounced on the little orange Heeler and hoisted her up into his arms as she squealed and giggled. “How ya doin’, Bluey?” he greeted.

“I’m Bingo!” said the pup.

Did he misremember? He was certain the blue one was Bingo and the orange one was Bluey. Radley held out the pup by her leg. “Really?”

“Yeah, that’s Bluey!” she laughed, pointing toward the inside. Sure enough, there was Bandit, Chilli and Bluey walking into view.

“Ah, yeah, ‘cause he’s blue,” Radley nodded.

Bluey stomped her foot. “I’m a girl!”

“Oh, yeah, I knew that.” Well, he did it again. Best to just go with it.

“Are you putting us to bed tonight, uncle Rad?” Bingo asked.

Radley gave a thumbs-up. “You bet.”

“Hooray!”

Bluey looked away. “Not hooray.”

Chilli smiled tenderly as Radley put Bingo upright on the floor. “Bluey isn’t sure about babysitter putdowns, uncle Rad.”

“Don’t worry, Bluey,” said Radley, kneeling down. “Who better to do a babysitter putdown than your uncle Rad?”

“Hello!” came a different voice.

“Frisky!” cheered the kids, as they ran and tackled an English Cocker Spaniel with a bag slung over her shoulder.

“Frisky, this is uncle Rad,” Bingo introduced.

Radley was flabbergasted. She was beautiful, and her coat gleamed in the rising moonlight outside. “Hi,” he said.

Frisky smiled. “Hi.”

“Frisky, have you met Bandit’s brother Radley before?” Chilli asked, snapping Radley out of his trance.

“Uh, yeah,” she said hesitantly. “Didn’t you fall in the pool at the wedding?”

Radley shrugged. “Probably.”

“Frisky is Bluey’s fairy godmother,” said Bingo.

“Sorry, Frisky,” said Chilli, “Uncle Rad got in touch last minute and said he’d babysit. You must’ve got my message.”

“Oh.” Frisky dug her phone from her bag and scrolled through her messages. “No, I didn’t get it.” She put it back and stepped toward the door. “That’s fine. Um…I’ll just go.”

Bluey and Bingo took hold of both her arms, stopping her in her tracks. “No! Don’t go!” Bingo howled. “Both babysit!”

“Oh, well a-as long as it’s okay with uncle Rad,” said Frisky.

Radley heard himself say, “Fine by me.”

“Hooray!”

+++

The Heelers saw everyone wave at them from the front yard, and they waved back as they peeled out of their driveway and toward downtown Brisbane. 

As they reached the bottom of the hill they called home, Chilli said, “You gotta talk to Rad about his parking.”

“Yeah, I do,” he agreed. “Can we talk about your performance back there for starters?”

“I told you it would go well.”

“Sure did. I couldn’t believe how well that went.” The buildings grew taller and taller, and the lights brighter and more colorful as they passed behind them. Bandit swallowed a knot in his stomach. “This still all feels funny to me. You didn’t tell Frisky Rad was coming over, did you?���

“Yeah, I didn’t,” said Chilli. “Luckily, the hard part’s over. My work is done.”

“Yeah, maybe I’m worrying for nothin’. All you did was bring them together. Whether or not Rad or Frisky takes a chance is up to them.”

“I hope Frisky takes that chance. She can’t another breakup get in her way.”

Driving into a parking garage a block from their restaurant, Bandit looked around for a spot. “Honestly, I’m more worried for Rad,” he said, pulling into a spot nearby. “Sometimes the only hint he can take is the answer itself, if you get me.”

+++

“Why don’t you have a wife?” Bluey asked.

“Whoa!” This was the last first question Radley expected for their game of 20 Questions. “W-well, how do you know I don’t?”

“Do you have a wife?”

Radley looked down. “Well…no.”

“So why don’t you have a wife?”

It took everything in Radley to not tell Bluey the same thing he always told her Nana when she asked about his love life- 'I’m married to my job.’ “Uhhhhh, her turn!” he said, pointing to Frisky.

“How many friends have you got?” asked Bingo.

“Um…three?” Frisky answered. There was Chilli, her flatmate Cookie, Rollo Dachshund…

“That’s not many,” said Bingo.

“Why have you only got three friends?” asked Bluey.

When they put it like that, Frisky lost all her words. “Well, um…back to him!”

The kids turned back to Radley. “Why do we only see you at Christmas?” Bluey asked.

“‘Cause I work on an oil rig.”

“Is that why you don’t have a wife?”

“Oh! …maybe.” Gone every two weeks with meathead technicians and engineers who worked hard to ensure all systems were go, who went into crisis mode at the drop of a meter, and whose last thoughts were looking for romance amid the oil, heat, and back-breaking work? More like “definitely.”

+++

Bandit pat his belly as the Heelers exited the restaurant. “I ate so much, I feel like I’ve got a food baby in there.”

“You’re hilarious,” Chilli scoffed. “It was good, though, wasn’t it?”

“Sure was.” The nightlife in Brisbane drew the throngs of people in many directions, and one in particular caught Bandit’s eye. “How about some jazz?”

“One second,” said Chilli, stopping and retrieving her phone. “I’ll just call Frisky about the kids.”

The speeddial rang in her ear, and Frisky answered after a few seconds. “Hi, Chilli-dog,” she said in a quiet voice.

“How ya going, Frisk?”

“All good, kids are in bed. I’m just looking out on their balcony. It’s a beautiful night.”

Time for the big question. “How’s Rad?”

“Well, he’s…something. The kids love him.” Frisky fell silent after that.

“That’s it?” Chilli asked.

“Don’t worry about me,” Frisky reassured. “I know I can’t let this get me down on love, and I really appreciate you having me to watch your kids. But…I dunno. I’ll see you later.”

+++

Frisky hung up and slid her phone off to the side, returning her gaze to the shining stars above. As they twinkled, she imagined each one having a match for itself while she felt like the one with bits taken off from being separated so violently time and time again. Sooner or later she’d have no good bits left to latch onto, would she?

She heard creaking in the floor and blinked. She hadn’t even noticed how moist her eyes were. Radley was suddenly there, easing himself down next to her, his luscious orange mop top only slightly disturbed by the warm, gentle breeze. They stared at the night sky for what seemed like ages, content at first by only each other’s presence.

“So almond milk shampoo, eh?” said Frisky.

“‘Scuse me?” said Radley.

“Come on! Even without the ’20 Questions,’ a bloke like you couldn’t get his hair that plump without it.”

Radley chuckled as Frisky ruffled his fur. “I reckon not. My stylist Penny turned me onto a brand called Orchard Tree, and it’s been a game-changer. It’s the only shampoo I like.”

“The shampoo is great, but the conditioner? I don’t rate the conditioner.”

“Yeah, me neither. But you know, you can’t go around with open follicles.”

“Not a chance.” Frisky thought she heard covers ruffling behind her but when the rustling stopped, peace set in once more and she put it out of mind. “We have more alike than I first thought.”

“Yeah, the world’s kinda funny for putting two hopeless romantics down on their luck who use the same shampoo in the same place at the same time.”

The two laughed as quietly as they could and laid down on the deck. A kookaburra’s distinct call could be heard off in the distance. Whether it was a strange coincidence, or in some way the world was looking after Radley, he knew he couldn’t end this night without getting closer to Frisky. And that meant addressing something else nagging on his mind since the games they played earlier.

“I’m sorry, by the way.” he said gently.

“About what?” Frisky asked.

“You and this Bosco bloke.”

Frisky sat up and pulled her knees in close. “H-how do you know about that?”

Radley returned upright and faced Frisky. “I’ll admit I’m aloof but I’m not dense. That story we told the girls earlier wasn’t entirely made up, was it?”

Frisky sighed. “No. It wasn’t,” she said almost in a whisper, body slumping. “I don’t understand. Every time I think I’ve found the one, he winds up pulling a stunt like that, or I’m just left hanging like old washing.” She tried to keep her composure but felt her voice breaking with every word as the pain of Bosco’s cheating manifested itself again. “I…don’t know how many more times I can ‘give it another go’ before I run out of ‘gos’ to ‘give,’ you know?”

Radley scooted closer and put an arm around her shoulder. “I hear ya. I wish I could say I’ve been down as much as you, but…I haven’t.”

Frisky raised an eyebrow as him. “What? A model dog like you?”

“Yeah, can you believe it?” Radley joked, flexing his free bicep, before returning his gaze to the stars. “I dunno. I suppose it feels like I’m a puzzle, and I’ve got a piece missing in me, and I’ve been trying different things to fill the hole, but nothing’s felt like the right fit. But goodness knows I can’t think about that keepin’ an oil rig running.”

Frisky could sense the loneliness in his voice. “I guess not,” she said. A shooting star whizzed across the expanse before fluttering into darkness. It traveled along no matter where it was in the sky or how far it had left to go. Frisky willed that star to go as far as it needed to reach its destiny, and prayed for some of the same courage to be passed onto her.

“But,” said Radley, drawing her attention back to him, “if you’ve got one more ‘go’ to ‘give,’ in ya, I’m sure someday I can find my missing piece.” He locked eyes with her, forever reflected in his irises. “May even be closer than I think.”

She smiled back and patted him on his shoulder, feeling hard muscles under his pillowy fur. “We’ll see, Heeler. We’ll see.”

+++

“We’ll see” turned into a phone number exchange before Bandit and Chilli returned home, which turned into a few dates, which turned into a Christmas trip to Bali, which turned into a wedding in the Heelers’ backyard. For Frisky, this was the ‘go’ that went the distance and Radley finally found his missing piece. Even if she almost let him go due to him wanting her to move west with him, he affirmed that nothing would be more important than his family, the ones he already had and the one he was gaining.

After dinner, Chilli and Frisky were on the front porch laughing about memories when Frisky said, “You know what’s funny? I made a bet with Trix years ago about me getting hitched with a guy you introduced to me.”

“Oh, really?” Chilli asked hesitantly. “Well, you know Trix. She’s got bets with everyone.”

“Yeah,” she said, crossing her arms, “and she’s collecting tonight.”

Chilli startled, nearly spilling her drink. “Wha- You think I-?

“I’ve know you how long, Chilli?” said Frisky, “‘Double Babysitter,’ indeed.”

“I did not!” Chilli denied as Frisky rolled her eyes.

Bluey bounded in and plopped herself between them. “Frisky, you’re having a happy ending!”

“Well, we’ll see, won’t we, Bluey?” Frisky responded. But in her heart, she was sure. This princess had finally found her prince. Her true love.

[buggybambi]

Serious question: do we think teacher!reader would put on Bluey for the Bear staff during slow days?

oh absolutely. i think if its a day where everyone is fighting she buys one of those projectors where you can insert your phone yk?? and she'll play episodes of bluey for them, like you know the ones where bluey gets frusturated and her mum or dad like talk to her about patience or whatever?? yeah those.

after it ends she just walks to the front of the projector, bent down to where they're all sat on the floor, watching as most of them have tears in their eyes from how emotional the show made them lmao, shes just "so, what have we learned?"

[chickensarentcheap]

🌹🌹🌹🌹

Please and thank you!

Thank you!! :D

“She’s a chip off the old block, I see.  The apple truly doesn’t fall far from the tree.  So what’s this I hear? About this Tyler bloke being your mum’s new boyfriend?  What do you think of him? You like  him?”

“I love him! He’s nice to momma. And to be. We have lots of fun together.  He takes me swimming and let’s me watch Coco Melon and Bluey on his phone and he put games on there for me. And he takes me for pancakes!”

“That’s quite the five star review.”

“And he protected me from the bad guys.  When they tried to get to us today. He made sure that I was safe and sound and didn’t get hurt AT ALL.  He did though; ‘cause he lied on top of me and kept me under him so nothing could get me.”

******

@tragiclyhip @munstysmind @secretaryunpaid @mrsmungus @timbradfordsboot @youflickedtooharddamnit @kmc1989 @karimac @residentdormouse @asirensrage @ninjasawakenedmystar @themaradwrites

[themeixhuang]

☎️ + santiago

What My Muse Has For Your Muse’s Contact Info:

- yago

What Their Ringtone Is:

- the basic iphone one because she doesn't really do special tones

The Last Text They Sent Your Muse:

- Did Luna leave her Bluey stuffy in your office?

- She's losing her damn mind and is only consoled with the idea that she's on a quick trip seeing mum and dad

What Image My Muse Has For Your Muse In Their Phone:

@santiagodeleons

[blurban-form]

Some “Rules of the Road” in Queensland

In “The Sign”, Chilli talks her way out of a possible ticket by having the police dog review the traffic laws relating to if it’s ok for children to sit in the front seat of a car. Bluey is ok because she’s old enough and all of the back seats are in use. The police dog was unfamiliar with this rule.

Mum had checked this before setting out on the trip, so she knew she was in the clear.

I’d actually been putting together a post on little specific road rules prior to “The Sign”. Here are a few more rules to keep in mind.

Your car window can’t be rolled down more than five centimetres (two inches) when parked.

Tooting your horn, like how Bucky did it in “The Sign” is illegal throughout Australia.

Riding a bike “no hands” is illegal Australia-wide.

You can’t pay-by-phone in a drive-through (unless you put your car in park and turn off the ignition.)

Putting your arm out the window to wave goodbye is illegal; five people were fined in 2017-18 for travelling in a motor vehicle with a body part outside of a window or door.

[madam-wakefield]

Distance

A little something I’ve written for the @berenaadvent day 10 prompt “distance”

Taken me a while to get something out for this prompt and I'm still not sure I'm totally happy with it.

Read on A03

Distance has never bothered Bernie. When she was younger, she was used to her father being away, with the army distanced from the family on important occasions by deployment. She herself had chosen to distance herself from her family when she’d gone to medical school. Had already agreed to sign up to the RAMC when she graduated and had wanted to get away for two reasons. The first was that she’d wanted to make a name for herself that wasn’t built upon the reputation of her father. The second was that Sandhurst wasn’t exactly down the road, and at least if she got used to the distance in more comfortable surroundings, she’d be used to it by the time she was ready to train as an officer.

Distancing herself from Marcus has always been easy, it shouldn’t have been, and she felt guilty in one way, but not in the way she should. She felt guilty that she preferred to be able to distance herself from him, when she was asked to move across the country to work at a different military hospital and he couldn’t follow her due to his own work commitments, so instead she’d gone alone, and they’d spent their first two years as a married couple sharing the occasional weekend and holidays together.

It had been harder once Charlotte and Cameron were born; she’d never planned on having kids. She’d known long enough that she had feelings for women, and well she’d known well enough that children weren’t exactly an option in that situation. But when they’d been born, she’d been glad that at least that base was near home. Then suddenly she’d been asked to deploy in the Gulf War when Charlotte had been three and Cameron had been one. Leaving had been hard, both the children had cried as she’d kissed them on the head. But once she’d arrived and had a job to do, she didn’t have time to think about the distance.

It had become the norm after that, the initial leaving was always hard, well leaving the children anyway, never Marcus. But as time went on the deployments got more dangerous and she had even less time to think about the children, the odd bluey shared backwards and forwards of the only thing that reminded her of the distance between them. The children found the distance harder, especially Charlotte during her teenage years, growing up with a usually absent mum had definitely taken its toll.

It isn’t until she met Serena that distance felt harder, Serena is naturally a very tactile person, and at first Bernie found that hard but slowly she had gotten used to it. Learnt to accept the small touches at the nurses’ station or as they’d look over patient paperwork. When she’d ran to Kiev the distance for the first time ever had felt like a chasm. Couldn’t bring herself to respond to Serena’s emails or texts because she’d known it would have made the distance seem even worse.

Then she’d come home, and Serena had distanced herself from her and for most of that day she’d thought she’d ruined everything. Until Jason has locked them in the office and then distance was the last thing either of them had wanted. Bernie has grown to love the closeness since then. All the simple things holding hands, cuddling up on the sofa together after a long shift, and of course the more intimate side of their relationship too.

So right now, Bernie is sulking because it’s two weeks before Christmas, the third they are spending together, and Serena isn’t here. Hanssen has sent her away to some stupid medical conference and she’s sat on the sofa alone after a totally awful shift wishing for nothing more than Serena to hold her in her arms, to remind her that it isn’t all her fault and that hopefully tomorrow will be better. But for the next two days she is going to have to pull up her big girl pants and deal with the distance through texts and phone calls, secure in the knowledge that once Serena is home, she’ll remind her that the distance was just temporary. That any distance they ever have to put between them is just temporary because what they have together is forever.

[flourisart]

Faceytalk! (Ft. Raizo)

The scene started of with both of the heeler parents Bandit & Chilli doing something, til their daughters run to the kitchen with a tablet. “Mum! Can we do faceytalk with Muffin, socks, and Raizo?” Bluey asked her mother, but chilli seems hesitant with that question “um-“ “pleaaaase?” The girls put on their ‘please’ face. “Yeah, that’s fine” Chilli said. “USS!!” Both bluey and bingo uttered,

“Buttt, no hogging the little facey face thing okay? Bluey I’m talking to you.” Chilli reminded them.. but mostly bluey. “Yes mum, no hogging” “Cuz you know that happens when you hog, don’t you?” She asked. “Yes, we know what happens when you hog” They said, when they don’t actually know.. “wait, do we know what happens?” See..

Now we see bluey and bingo on screen and the other screen shows muffin on the floor with Stripe on the couch and there’s another screen showing Raizo in his room. “HIII” muffin greeted her big cousins, “Hi bluey & bingo!” Raizo also greeted. “Hi muffin Hi Raizo” They both greeted back til socks shows up on muffin’s screen which seemed to angered the white heeler. “Hi!” Socks greeted her cousins “AH! Socks, stop hogging!” Muffin scolded her lil sister. “She wasn’t even hogging, muffin..” Raizo deadpanned.

The tumblr story of bluey is called “Faceytalk” :3

Bluey, muffin, and Raizo are just drawing at the moment lost in their own words. “Can I have a turn doing the drawing yet, bluey?” Bingo asked her older sister. “Um yes, but can I just finish this?” Bluey said, not wanting know the consequences of hogging. “Sure” the younger heeler simply replied.

“Muffin, it’s my turn?” Socks asked, wanting a turn now but muffin wasn’t willing, “not yet!” She said, which angered the youngest blue heeler “muffin!” then a big female white heeler came into the view, it was trixie! “Hi

girls!” She greeted her nieces. “Hi aunt trixie!” The girls greeted back. “Hi mommy!” Raizo waved. “Hi Rai-Rai.. Muffles, make sure you give socks a turn drawing the silly stuff, okay?” She reminded, but muffin wanted to keep playing. “But I’m not finished” “muffin!!” That set socks off and they started to push each other “Socks, get off!!” muffin tries pushing her away, socks growled and pushed muffin back. “Guys..” their older brother shook his head at the scene awhile their cousin seemed concerned.

“Girls, I can’t do this right now, I got somewhere I need to be-“ Trixie was cut off by muffin screaming which stopped the fighting, that is when their dad comes in..

“I can handle it” Stripe insisted, “umm are you sure?” His wife asked nervously. “Yeah I got it covered.. kids, you better share that thing or I’m switching it off” He threatened as the kids were shocked “WHAT?!” they exclaimed, causing stripe to get hesitant. “Woah.. okay, maybe not off buut-“ he was cut off by his wife who thinks he cant handle this. “I‘ll handle it” “Nahh, I can do it. You go your thing” Stripe asserted. “Welll.. okay, if your sure” Trixie gave up and left to do her thing.

“Right, I’m setting a timer on my phone, when it goes off it’s socks turn. Okay muffy?” He said to his older daughter and all she replied with is “buh!”

“I’ll take that as a yes..”

~Later~

“All just draw some clouds” The blue heeler said to herself, “ooh! Nice clouds!” Her sister complimented.

Suddenly, the alarm off of Stripe’s phone went off. “Okay, muffy! That’s the timer, socks’ turn now” He said, making his youngest daughter excited but still wasn’t giving it up “Yay!” “I have to finish my cowboy hat..” muffin

announced, “aww..” socks sighed sadly but their father didn’t like that.

“No, you don’t have to finish your cowboy hat. You have to give socks a turn” He reminded, Muffin wasn’t having that! “But I want to finish my cowboy hat” She said, getting annoyed.

“Muffy..” Stripe warned but muffin didn’t do what she was told “Muffin heeler! Give your sister a turn now!” “But I want to do a cowboy hat!!” She replied, throwing a fit. “Just give her a turn, muffin!” Raizo & Bingo said. “NOO!” Muffin yelled. “Muffin cupcake heeler!” Stripe blurted out her full name, she was in trouble now.. “Cowboy hat!” She said again. “If you said cowboy hat one more time, you’ll be in timeout” He threaten awhile muffin gave a deadpanned look…

“Cow..” she tested him

“Muffin no..” Raizo tried to keep her out of getting in trouble.”

“boy..”

“HAT!!” she screamed, Stripe didn’t appreciate that at all. “Okay, that’s it. Your going into time out” He stated, as he picked up the little white heeler who kicked the tablet over and screamed whilst her dad was grunting a lot “muffin, stop wiggling” he said in the distance as socks was on the tablet now.

“Ya know, socks.. you could have went to me & I would let you play on my tablet” Raizo suggested, “well yes, but I wanted to draw on this one..” his littlest sister replied. He was about to protest but His dad came “I’m sorry, girls. But muffin was hogging so she can’t your facey call thing anymore” he announced to the girls “Okay uncle stripe!” They said perfectly okay with that. “She needs to learn that other people have-“ Their uncle continues but was cut off by another screen popping up, revealing to be muffin! “Ah! Muffin” The girls exclaimed. “Dad, I think she has your phone!” Raizo thought, as he was correct. “Ah, your right she does.. muffin, you get off my phone this instant!” Muffin’s dad said angrily as he went off-screen.

“Oh no..” Raizo whined as he knew what’s gonna happen.

“He’s coming muffin!” Bluey warned her little cousin, Muffin took notice of her dad coming and started to dip out of there. “Muffin! Running away will only make it worse-“ Her dad chased til he tripped over her cat squad bike. Raizo got up & flipped the screen to get an eye full of muffin running and stripe on the floor. “Muffin.. muffin!!” Stripe yelled. “Muffin you can’t steal your dad’s phone!” Bluey scolded in worry but muffin didn’t seem to care. “Yes I can! Now where do I hide?” She asked for help, bingo actually helped. “Under a bed!” “Okay!” She went to her room and crawled under her bed and continued to draw her cowboy hat. “Don’t help her, bingo!” Bluey glared at the screen. “Yeah, don’t help her..” Their cousin said. “Why not?” Bingo asked both of them. “Cause she’s not meant to be running away, she’s

meant to be in timeout for hogging!” The oldest heeler said as Raizo nodded in agreement. til they notice something in the background of muffin’s screen,

“Isn’t that bluey’s ukulele?” Raizo pointed out. “She lended to me!” Muffin stated, “yeah but that was ages ago!” Bluey said, sorta wanting it back.

“I’m still playing with it!” She defended as her oldest brother gave an eyeroll then Stripe came on Raizo’s screen. “Muffin you hang that phone up right now young lady!” Stripe exclaimed, “No!” Muffin refused, til the blue heeler came up with this. “Okay, well then I’m ending the whole faceytalk” He said as he was about the end it but the kids didn’t want that “NOOO!!” They screamed, startling him a bit. “Okay, okay.. muffin this is your last chance! You hang that up & March down here now!” He sternly said.. all muffin did was put a filter on him which looked like a monkey head & bikini top, Uncle stripe tried getting the filter off as the pups were laughing at it. “That’s it! Where are you?!” He rhetorically said as he observed where muffin was.

“Okay, your under a bed.. can’t see who’s..” He muttered to himself “well they’re 70 beds in this house kid, I’m coming!” He ran out of Raizo’s turn to catch her

(Did he say 70 beds? O.o?)

Muffin went from under the bed to find a different spot to hide “oh no!” Exclaimed Bluey “he’s gonna find you, muffin!” “Just give him back his phone..” Raizo said. “NO! Tell me if he’s out there!” Muffin asked, pointing the camera to room where stripe wasn’t in.

“It’s clear, but muffin I don’t think I should help you..” Bluey thought as muffin ignored what she said and went to another place

“What about now?” She said, pointing the camera to a room to find a big surprise.. Stripe was there!.

“AH!! Not clear! Not clear!” Both bluey and bingo yelled. “He’s coming!” Raizo shouted as Stripe already grabbed muffin, causing the young heeler to squirm and scream. Making stripe let her go as she dipped out.

~meanwhile~

Bandit came to see what the loud screaming was about on the tablet. “Good gravy! What’s going on?” He asked the girls. “Uncle stripe is chasing muffin!” Bluey said, finding this amusing a bit. This cause him to chuckle a bit “Classic stripe” he quoted.

~Back on the faceytalk~

“Get back here muffin!” Stripe commanded as muffin just kept running away. “Run muffin!” Bandit rooted for his niece as Raizo & bluey didn’t seem amused from that.

“Dad!” Bluey glared for a moment, “uncle bandit!” Raizo facepalmed. Little did they know that muffin ran into the bathroom come to find that’s where Trixie was. “AH! MUFFIN!” Trixie screamed in shock awhile Bandit & Raizo covered their eyes “Woah! There we go” Bandit uttered. Back to where Stripe finally got ahold of her cheeky daughter who was struggling to get out of his grip “PUT ME DOWN!” She demanded & screamed as she was suddenly on the ground with both of her parents in the background.

“What’s going on?!” Trixie exclaimed, “im handling it!” “It doesn’t look like your handling it!” They went on for a moment. “Umm guys?” Bandit tried getting their attention but they didn’t seem to hear him. They went on for awhile as bandit tried to get their attention. “Kids, can you switch this off” Bandit said as he tried to press something but bluey stopped him, “Ah! But we’re doing drawing things!” She said, not wanting to stop. “Alright well.. can you mute it?” He asked.

“Yeah we can” Bluey said, they all press a few buttons trying to find the mute button “is it one?” Bandit muttered, as the background changes to a few pictures. “Oh! I know” Bingo piped up, pressing the mute button, “you can turn the sound back on when Stripe & Trix stop chatting, okay?” He declared, “yes dad” The girls accepted.

The conversation with stripe & Trixie went for awhile with muffin still drawing her cowboy hat as the girls just watch til they uncle & aunt hugged each other. “Aw.. muffin, maybe look behind you” Bluey suggested with a worried look. “Why?” She asked. “Because they’re behind you!” Raizo simply said as muffin turned around & screamed, the screen glitched to muffin running with her parents in the back.

“Stop running away, muffin” Bingo said, “Just accept your punishment!” Raizo glared.

“Muffin, I would urgently advise you to stop right now!” Stripe said, getting angry. “Listen to your father!” Trixie concurred“Let’s split up!” Striped advised as Trixie agreed and ran off somewhere.

“Ah! They’re working to together” Bluey blundered. “Muffin! Come back here!” “NOOOO!!”

“Where are they?!” Muffin asked for the location of the parents. “Your mums hiding behind the couch!” Bingo said, noticing her aunt near the couch. “What couch?!” She asked again for an answer that’s specific. “The ‘couch’” bingo uttered, unspecific. “We’ve got alots of couches!!” Muffin glared at the screen.

“She means the couch in the living room” Raizo Corrected as it was already too late because her mum already attempted to catch her but the little white heeler jumped over her and moved out of the way when her dad came.

“I’m fweee!!” Muffin exclaimed with a victorious pose but her annoyed parents were still there. “Muffin!!” They shouted awhile muffin tried to run away but..

She ended up tripping over a toy, causing her to throw the heeler uncles phone allllllll.. the way into their pool. “AHH! MY PHONE!!” Bluey, bingo, and Raizo were shocked at the scene.

“ohhh boy..” Bluey whimpered. “Uh oh..” Raizo worriedly commented.

“Sowwy dad..” Muffin apologized but that didn’t work for him. “Muffin..” He said in a now serious tone

“Yes?” “Timeout” Both parents sternly said as muffin gave up & went into timeout. Stripes phone cut off due to the water getting in it.

“Finished.” Their youngest cousin finally broke from the silence, “oh wow that’s great socks!” Bluey complimented. “Thanks!”

“Awesome car on your head, Raizo!” Bingo complimented Raizo’s drawing. “Thanks bingo!” Raizo wagged his tail.

“Can I have a turn now bluey?” Bingo asked her sister, “oh yeah, sure!” She accepted “thanks” “no problem, cause we know what happens when you hog..”

There we go!! Finished with the story!! YAAAS BOI

[soggypotatoes]

ok ok im leaving hospital on monday but now im. now im very very anxious about leaving

like. not only do i have access to all sorts of unhealthy coping mechanisms at home. i dont have anyone giving my meds to me at set times??? also im gonna have no sleeping meds bc the only ones that work rn are hella addictive and he said hes only gonna let me have like 4 after i leave???? so im gonna end up not sleeping, losing my whole routine, fighting off dastardly urges all day and night, having to cook and clean and walk dog and pack and PACK and make DECISIONS ..........

i mean yes i will have good shower. and friends. and dolg. and mum visiting most days. ill have help.

BUT WHAT DO I DO WITHOUT THE SWEET CLEANING LADY WHO CHIRPS AS SHE COMES IN AND DOESNT JUDGE ME FOR THE HORRIBLE MESS AND JUST SWEEPS AROUJJND ME AND TALKS ABOUT BLUEY

AND THE SWEET GAY NURSE ON NIGHT SHIFT IM IN LOVE WITH WHO BRINGS ME  MY ZOLPIDEM AN D TREATED MY SELF HARM THAT ONE TIME SO GENTLY AT 5AM AND CALLS ME DARLING AND TAKES MY PHONE AWWAY BC HES A TIKTOK GIRLIE AND KNOW S WHAT ITS LIKE TO SPEND 8 HOURS ON TIKTOK INSTEAD OF SLEEPING

AND THE NURSE IM IN LOVE WITH WHO TRIES TO GET ME UP AND GET ME EATING FOO D AND WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I GOT UP BY MYSELF AT 8330 THIS MORNING AND LIT4ERLALY JUMPED FOR JOY WHEN I SAID I SCHEDULED AN APPT IVE BEEN PUTTING OFF FOR A YEAR AND A HALF AND WHO THELPS ME CLEAN MY ROOM AND DOESNT JUDGE ME FOR MY MANY CUPS JUST FILED WITH SUNFLOWER SHELLS

AND THE SWEET NURSE ALSO WHO FOUND ME ON THE FLOOR AND FOUND OUT I HADNT EATEN IN A FEW DAYS AND SCOOPED ME UP AND TOOK ME TO A TABLE OUTSIDE THAT UR NOT MEANT TO BE ALLOWED AT AND PUT AN INSIDE CHAIR THERE SO I COULD SIT AND BROUGHT ME BACK LIKE EVERY FLAOURR OF YOGHURT AND FRUIT AND OPENED THEM FOR ME TO MAKE SURE ID EAT IT

AND THE NURSE THAT ALWAYS SHOWS ME FUNNY EDITS OF HER DOGS SINGING SONGS AND ALWAYS ASKS WHEN REGGIES NEXT VISITING  AND BRINGS FOOD TO MY ROOM WHEN I CANT LEAVE

AND LINDA WHO I ASKED HER TO BRING BEDSHEETS CAUSE I HAD BEEN SLEEPING ON APPLE JUICE FOR 5 DAYS AND SHE WAS LIKE ‘ITS OK IT HAPPENS’ AND CHANGED THE SHEETS FOR ME AND SHOWED ME WHAT SHE WAS DOING SO I COULD LEARN HOW TO DO IT MYSELF (theres a lot of layers due to hygiene) AND STOOD BY ME MAKING SURE I PUT AWAY ALL OF MY CLEAN CLOTHES FOR THE FIRST TIME I GOT HERE 2 MONTHS AGO

AND THE OTHER PATIENTS HERE WHO ARE DELIGHTFUL, ONE SLID A BEAUTIFUL COLOURING PAGE OF THE FIRST LETTER OF MY NAME THAT SHE DREW AND SHE SLID IT UNDER MY DOOR ?????/ AND SHES SO NICE AND THE GUY I PLAYED CHESS WITH AND THE OTHER GUY AND THE GIRL I WAS TALKING TO,,, AND THE ONE WHO GOES ON WALKS WITH ME AND HAS REALLY ENTHUSIASTIC CONVERSATIONS AND STUFF

YEAH SHE SHOWERS HERE SUCK BUT WHEEEERRE ARE THEY ALL GONNA BE ITS JUST GONNA BE ME ??? ALONE??????????? AT HOME WITH ALL MY RAZORS AND WEED AND SHIT AND N0B0DY TO TALK ME THROUGH THINGS??????? NO PSYCHIATRIST 3X A WEEK, NO GROUP THERAPIST CHECKING IN ON ME ONE ON ONE TWICE A WEEK.... i will have my psychologist bUT SHES GOING AWAY FOR 3 WEEKS SOON she did offer to see me once during that but OMG

i have a lot of people with me here, i have plenty of beautiful friends offering to help, my mums gonna help too... im just scared. mostly about the sleep thing, i knowwww im gonna stop sleeping and this schedule ive managed to cultivate for the first time in ever will be fucked. like, ive been sleeping at midnight, getting up at 8:30, it’s insane!!! i do nap a  bit after cause my brain is so stressed and overwhelmed and tiiiired but it’s something!! i really want to try to hold onto this i really hope i have the strength. please, please have the strength to get up, please, even if you literally want to die. and take your meds every night and get off your phone even if it’s so so scary and you don’t know what to do without it. PLEEEEEEEEASE MAKE THIS WORKKKKK

[saturnsupremacy]

Rose, amber, cream

rose: favourite scent on a person?

hmm, this ones tricky

I guess I’d say my Mum’s perfume

she’s had the same one since I was a kid it always smells like baby powder and flowers

it’s a very loving and warm smell to me

amber: what’s saved as your phone lock screen?

I have my 3 nieces as my lock screens so obviously I cant show those but before they were born I had these photos as my lock screen

(click for better quality)

that’s Saturn at a specific angle that renders the rings almost completely invisible and this is my brothers cat Bluey

cream: any piercing or tattoos? do you want any?

I have two sets of earrings (one at the bottom and one at the top) and I’m saving up to get a tattoo ! It’ll probably be an optical illusion like this one just on a smaller scale

check out the artist

send me an ask!

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: 🥱🥱 Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: Piss off Janis: it's the crack of dawn Janis: bet the boy ain't even woke up yet to 👀 the decs Jimmy: it's a lie in for me Janis: before you handicapped me, I was getting up pretty early too 🐕🏃 Jimmy: @ Helena and her 💊s Jimmy: that there's the handicap Janis: her back ain't that bad Janis: anyway 💊s aren't gonna make me jolly Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: what do you need, baby? Janis: 😏 Janis: Is that any way for an elf to talk? Jimmy: depends what you 🖋 in your letter to 🎅 Jimmy: might be dead on Janis: You reckon that's top of my list? Jimmy: know what you're like with 👴💕 Janis: 🥇 or nowt Janis: makes Lucas look 🥉 for sure Jimmy: writing lines in detention ain't gonna come close Janis: Only just started this holiday Janis: you need cheering up too 🌧 Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: ☀️ Janis: not much chance of that today ☃️ Jimmy: you not coming then? Janis: You really are on form this AM Janis: very quotable Jimmy: won't be long til 💀👑's getting out her 🛁 of 🩸 for a new day of torture Jimmy: have to sleep when we're ⚰ Janis: grind never sleeps 💪 Janis: so glad she only has 😍 for one 👴 though Jimmy: they've had years to perfect that roleplay Jimmy: must be 🥇 Janis: 🤢🤢 nah Janis: not gonna be able to face breakfast now Janis: 💔 that's why she can't either, awh Jimmy: stop finding common ground, it's 💔 me Janis: Baby Janis: sure if you asked really nicely, they'd let you work a double shift Jimmy: funny Janis: You walked right into that one Jimmy: there'd be nowt 💔😭🎻 for me about walking our kid to you and pissing off to work if you want some alone time with your real boyfriend 🎅 Janis: yeah right Janis: be all good until he starts 💔😭🎻 and I'd have to come find you Jimmy: I get it, you're off the 🎪🤹🤡 clock Janis: just don't reckon I know enough sign language to win him over Jimmy: reckon you could leave it to 🎅 Jimmy: seems like he'd be a traditional kind of #lad, chuffed for you to be 🤐 and just bake the mince pies Janis: 🤤 what can't he do Jimmy: probably wouldn't have got 💀👑's cooking down him any easier than we did Janis: I didn't mind the excuse to go to the bathroom Jimmy: SUCH a 💊head, you Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't judge me, babes Jimmy: just her decor Jimmy: best that bathroom's ever gonna have looked with your giant head blocking out them ugly tiles Janis: should've dashed yours into 'em Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: gutted we didn't get to sleepover Janis: would've had plenty of time to redecorate 🩸 Jimmy: hang on, I'll set one up Jimmy: liven up the group chat Janis: 😂 Janis: you are SUCH a peacekeeper it's SOOOOOOOOOOO cute I can't 😻 Janis: run out of sleeps before 🎅 pays 'em all a visit Jimmy: 💰 on Asia getting into a #scandal thinking if she rubs the coal he gave her on her face she'll have a charcoal face mask ready to go Janis: Can't wait to #cancel her for good Jimmy: just better not have the sleepover here, that kind of casual racism could have her in the running for my new step ma Janis: imagine the unfortunate children Janis: massive heads and bigger teeth Janis: christ Jimmy: don't Jimmy: I'm basically illiterate, they'd be thick as shit Janis: the work would truly NEVER end Janis: you leave her in charge of 'em... 🍄💉🧱🧨🪓🔥 Jimmy: however many 👶 they churned out, she's one more on top of Janis: can't let that happen to you Jimmy: but near worth it for the #goals 👰🤵 pics obvs Janis: you wouldn't even be the cutest page boy Janis: tragic 💔 Jimmy: long as you keep faking your 😍 mate, don't matter Janis: I think I'll manage Janis: 🏆 at stake Jimmy: gotta take at least one job seriously, I'm doing your other Janis: 1. stop any time and let me 2. and your sister when you can't be arsed Jimmy: my sister when I've gotta be audience to your gingerbread masterpiece, more like Jimmy: can't have you going without 👏 Janis: don't throw down the gauntlet if you don't want me to show you how it's done Jimmy: when a lass begs me for a challenge, she gets one Jimmy: just that dickhead Janis: If I was gonna beg, you'd know about it Jimmy: you did and I did Jimmy: stop flirting with me, I've got a kid to shake away Jimmy: *awake Janis: yeah piss off and be useful Janis: 👋 in a few Jimmy: you got that hint then? Know what your room reading skills are like Janis: 'course you do Janis: got to have something to aspire to Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt don't mean cracking on with the second bit, case you need that spelling out an' all Janis: you're the one that's thick Janis: in your own words, spellchecked, I assume Jimmy: and I've still got better social skills, Julie 💔 for you Janis: if I got paid by the hour, I might bother as well 😘 Jimmy: Oi that's a point Jimmy: never left a tip in my jar, you Janis: you mean the one time I came in? Jimmy: you'd have preferred some festive bollocks off the menu, yeah? Jimmy: I'll sort that for next time 🤶 Janis: maybe I preferred another barista boy, and I know how tip jars work, make you share it out all equally 👎 Jimmy: alright but do you know how pockets work? I've got a few of them to slip 💰 in Jimmy: you can have that tip to slide into your new boyfriend's DMs with 😘 Janis: you aren't strippers Janis: if you want to go the hooter route, you're gonna need to make those aprons shorter Jimmy: there's a few 👴👵 who ain't had that memo Jimmy: I'll @ my manager with your 🥇💡 though, see if he'll get it done for this afternoon shift Janis: you're welcome Janis: you'll be cold but swimming in 💰 so who cares Jimmy: northerns don't feel the cold, bit like strippers Jimmy: *northerners Janis: you didn't totally wimp out on the school trip Janis: or the park Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Jimmy: Ian'll be dead proud Janis: yeah Janis: shame about the complexion Janis: leave it out and you can brag and bond Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: heartwarming Jimmy: hang on, this'll have you 💀💀💀 inside again Jimmy: [Bobby's reaction vid to these decs] Janis: Awh Janis: bless him Jimmy: we did alright Janis: you happy too? Janis: no video needed Jimmy: [a pic like 😁👍] Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: 👌 honey Janis: does look good Jimmy: he's doing a letter to say tah to Santa, might need you to spellcheck it for us Janis: He's well cute Janis: doubt I'll get mine to do it but her penmanship is shite so he'll look 🥇 in comparison Jimmy: wait til he 👀s mine Jimmy: I'll have to tell him it ain't just a squiggle but actually says tah for the missus and that, mate Janis: 🎅💔 Jimmy: *🎅🥊 Janis: 😂 Janis: long as the kids are distracted by the shit gifts they'll get Jimmy: do you want your shit 🎨🎁 now or in a bit? Janis: give it to me when they get theirs or I'll 🥺 Janis: love ruining christmas, me Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Jimmy: 🥇🎄 work Janis: don't forget the gingerbread house Janis: as I crave that 👏 Jimmy: I'll knock you up a tinfoil 🏆 to go with your 👑 Janis: what you gonna cover your no carb low fat tofurkey with?!!!!? 😱😱😱 Jimmy: you're more important, girl Janis: taste better, is the honest truth Janis: don't need to be a 🧛 to know Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: I'll stick that in the group chat Janis: you can say it but they're not gonna find out for themselves Jimmy: as constructive criticism goes it ain't bad but no need to take it as an instruction, lasses Janis: 🤢🤢 Janis: stop making me feel ill Janis: I've got to go break the ✨ surprise and get all the 🏆👑 Jimmy: piss off then Janis: TTFN Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [actually skip forward now] Janis: where do you wanna meet? we're ready Jimmy: We'll walk over, get the intros out the way before 🎅 can stick his oar in Janis: 👍 Janis: she's pretty good at pronunciation for a kid but you might have to step in if she gets too chatty Jimmy: keep her on the nice list, I get it Janis: Don't worry, she's not a dick like my sister or anything Jimmy: I weren't Jimmy: you wouldn't have invited her if she were owt like Gracie Janis: Good Janis: we'll be outside ☃️☃️ Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not got any 🚬🕶 going so can't make it in your likeness this time soz Jimmy: long as you get the 👂 and eyebrows sorted you can still tag me Janis: 🪒 Jimmy: 😍 Janis: you deserve a treat too, like Jimmy: I'm just pleased to see you, soz Jimmy: 🚫🔪🔨🔧🪓 Janis: don't worry, santa is coming through for me later Janis: 🤞 for ☣️ Janis: 🥴🤤🤮💀👻 Jimmy: 💰 on your man having a flask of socially acceptable poison Janis: yeah, give him the rosy red cheeks that complete the lewk Janis: nose that looks like a 🍓 Jimmy: that there's the only treat I need 🤤 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: [show up so these bubs can meet and start a lifelong friendship] Janis: [Libi just like bonjour, what are you going to ask Santa for, I'm gonna ask for this and this] Jimmy: [we know Bobby wants art supplies and a camera and we know why lol cue an eye roll from Jimothy as if he isn't buzzing to be loved] Janis: [no pretending that's not adorable, like, just like WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR CRAYON] Jimmy: [okay but imagine him taking a crayon from behind his ear where jimothy keeps 🚬] Janis: [imagine, Janis just 😏 above their heads like not encouraging bad habits or nothing] Jimmy: [jimmy just looking to see if it's black like his soul or blood red and tutting when it obvs isn't either of those] Janis: [shakes head like what have you been teaching him tbh, Libi saying hers is that bluey silver colour like her mum's hair and we oop] Jimmy: [Bobby just like I don't have a mum anymore cos kids don't give a fuck and Jimmy just like so glad I get to sign this] Janis: [just literally like gurl same! 'cos neither of you can tell a child to shut the fuck up lmao 'my mummy and daddy are dead, what happened to your mum?'] Jimmy: [Bobby just like 'she went away' because we truly know not] Janis: [just like fantastic, so glad we came, bet he's thrilled he invited us now, 'cos we're not even looking, just walking in total silence, meanwhile Libi like oh okay 'If she comes back, I can see her' and then moving on chatting about our dog and what we're getting her for Christmas] Jimmy: [Bobby just like 'my dad's about but you wouldn't want to meet him' and doing an impression of Ian's angry face and then telling her all about Twix because dogs 5ever, making Jimothy give him his phone to show Libi pics of this pup] Janis: ['my granddad could fight him' when you're like Libi shh that's not nice but at least that is amusing as a prospect, also clearly doing a phone swap 'cos you'd have that Killer queen content on yours, Libi being like 'Janis knows loads about dogs and has taught her loads of tricks because she used to be a naughty girl and wee everywhere and eat everyone's shoes' and loling] Jimmy: [Bobby just dangerously close to outting Jimmy's secrets by telling her that he fights Ian sometimes so casual so nbd and then telling her about how Cass did that dog walk the other day and going on and on about how naughty Twix is and all the things she's done] Janis: [JJ y'all gotta pick them up and run so you can shove breakfast in their gobs like nooooooooo 'you're so lucky you've got a brother AND a sister, even though your brother's old too' looking at Jimmy and shaking her head in disdain because that's the age of her aunties and stuff and kids have no concept of age they treat you like you're ancient but at least that's a joke we've had so Janis managing to look at Jimmy like lol, she knows your secret] Jimmy: [the most half hearted 😏 but we're a bit more amused when Bobby starts dragging Cass by doing an impression of how angry she is and stomping about etc as if she's worse than Ian] Janis: [she's cackling in that way babby's do 'you're funny, you're my new friend'] Jimmy: [Bobby is buzzing and we're using Jimothy's phone to have a selfie sesh but also take artsy pics of our new bff as we go along] Janis: [run along you innocent children, like you've not just revealed so much, god bless] Jimmy: [JJ just awkwardly af walking in silence now thanks kids] Janis: [going to apologize like several times but you can't even, where would you begin lmao, pretend it's chill] Jimmy: [chuck some snow at her or like shake a tree branch full of it onto her or something, any distraction will do] Janis: [fall into the safety of that] Jimmy: [if nothing else he's good at that when things are awkward] Janis: [likewise, when we sit down for this breakfast, you can do all the posting thus far] Jimmy: [cheers to the fans for that distraction, meanwhile Jimmy and Bobby can teach Libi some easy signing since we're BFFs and gonna be seeing more of you undoubtedly baby hen] Janis: [lucky for you gal, perks of being but a child, she'd love that 'cos mini nerd and she'll be able to pick it up as most nurseries now do makaton so it's a way into learning it] Jimmy: [at least the bubs are having a lovely time until Santa breaks Bobby's heart by not knowing any] Janis: [truly, a day of drama and stress when you're just trying to do something nice, if that don't sum up xmas] Jimmy: [the tea honey, at least that'll be easy to smooth over like the people I work with are dickheads as well boy, that ain't the real Santa's fault] Janis: [it happens a lot 'cos the shopping centre ones freak kids out rightly so, Libi just blowing raspberries at him like understand this loser 'cos we're a baby bad bitch] Jimmy: [I stan Libi and the way she'll protect him and make him less shy, cos you know we're doing it too after she has and didn't get shouted at lol] Janis: [you've got your prezzies kids, fuck him up, just tugging on Jimmy's sleeve and loudly being like 'What's sign for poopoo head?' 'cos the age hen] Jimmy: [obvs we're showing her and we're not sorry, Jimothy is a bad bitch too okay] Janis: [we're just calling everyone a poopoo head all day now, which I imagine is quite visually obvious because the swears etc usually are] Jimmy: [that has cheered everyone greatly thanks Libi] Janis: [you are a funny egg, at least, hence we can't be mad at you/ignore you because what is that achieving, 'tis not your fault Edie is dead luv] Jimmy: [and Edie wouldn't want that like you can be anti Ruster having her because she wouldn't want that obvs] Janis: [make that the hill and we lowkey ignore everyone else rn, at least in comparison to how everything was before, so it's fine lol, think we are gonna get y'all presents that don't suck and I think you should get pups and name them] Jimmy: [keeping them forever, you cannot destroy them Twix or Killer thank you] Janis: [keep 'em safe, lads, I think you should call yours Star, 'cos huskies are that silvery grey colour too and the names work well together because obviously your dogs are BFFs too] Jimmy: [aw Snow & Star 4ever] Janis: [making Janis make the dogs do little tricks for y'all and then cackling again when she makes 'em poo on Libi's head] Jimmy: [love this so much, also can't forget Jimmy giving Janis the 🎨 which can be when the bubs have their real 🎁 cos fuck you Santa] Janis: [we know she genuinely appreciates them honey, we're always excited to see what he's done] Jimmy: [god knows because he blatantly did it last night after she left/early this morning even before this convo started because never sleep well so] Janis: [you know Libi is gonna be all over that hun like SHOW ME and then being like draw me draw me to Jimmy and Bobby] Jimmy: [they shall honey because we love an art sesh] Janis: [the confidence of a child, just posing here with the dogs] Jimmy: [never change gal never lose it] Janis: [we're clearly making Janis too, then shouting out increasingly complicated things, like, make the dogs pull us on a sleigh, make us flying, like gal, your dreams lol] Jimmy: [Jimothy will never back down from a challenge, he's got you bub] Janis: [don't stress out poor Bobby though, at least you not a rude ass bitch so you wouldn't shade his attempt] Jimmy: [it'd be a cute attempt, BFF status cemented] Janis: [can put up these pics for extra cuteness, hoes will DIE] Jimmy: [I wish we actually had some but alas] Janis: [never be as good as our imagination anyway] Jimmy: [true, is there anything else we wanna have them do before he has to go back to work?] Jimmy: [could go to the park maybe because it's right by his house and thus mcvickers] Janis: [that's a good way to end this day for you kiddos, could also get the dogs which would make them lowkey hysterical with happiness so pop off] Jimmy: [love that cos we know Cass has probably walked the other dogs while they've been out for that cash so no time to take Twix] Janis: [live ya life, get ya things, but now you gotta go to work and we gotta] Janis: Thanks for today, reckon they both enjoyed themselves 👍✔ Jimmy: you're alright, were going any road and I reckon he had a better time with her about Janis: they were cute Janis: and she lives at my nan and granddads so if he wants to hang more, easy done Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: Yeah Janis: well she doesn't always talk about her dead mum and dad so it shouldn't be a big thing Janis: sorry Jimmy: it weren't a big thing to him Jimmy: nowt for you to be sorry for Janis: It weirds plenty of kids out Janis: I could've warned you, I guess Jimmy: loads of kids reckon he's weird Jimmy: Asia's sister included Janis: some front when you look like your ma fucked a cheese grater Jimmy: her dad weren't at the nativity, might be 'cause he were stuck in a drawer, yeah Janis: dunno if she's got one any more Janis: 💀👑 flex Jimmy: what, like she fucked and ate him? Janis: 🐰🥕 Jimmy: #fated Janis: 💔 they didn't think so Jimmy: 💔 I can't change the station to Classic FM for them 🎻s Janis: Perils of 🎅🎄🎁☃️ Jimmy: ❌🎅 that shithead's 💀💀💀 to us Janis: yeah Janis: and his tunes are shit Jimmy: don't even care how fit that 🍓 were looking Jimmy: SO over him and his 👃 babes Janis: better off without him Janis: you can do SO much better Jimmy: 🖋 us a joke about him being a ho ho HOE Janis: I'll hit up the group chat Janis: their level of humour Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: and one of them has always just been dumped so they'll comiserate with you Jimmy: tah huns Janis: nothing if not the BEST friends to have Jimmy: DUH! Only time I'll accept 🥈 Janis: charming that is 😏 Jimmy: I get it 🎅 were a right let down, you need some 💕 Janis: just a bit rude that you're so gracious with them Jimmy: Baby Janis: Such a pisstake Jimmy: their BFF status, yeah Janis: you Jimmy: why me? Janis: you just are Jimmy: you can take it Janis: true Jimmy: I know, that'll be why I said it Janis: we're alright, yeah? Janis: I don't think shit needs to be weird just 'cos 2 kids have got no filter Jimmy: don't it feel like we're alright to you? Janis: it was a bit awkward Janis: but I'm over it if you are Jimmy: nowt to be over from where I'm serving overpriced ☕ Jimmy: just the unpaid translator earlier, me, none of my business what they were going on about Jimmy: if you wanna tell me something, up to you, that Janis: alright Janis: works for me Jimmy: she's world class at signing, won't need me after a bit, any road Janis: bit of a third-wheel Janis: cramp his style with your 🤓 Jimmy: *😎 Jimmy: but alright 🖍 are cooler than 🚬 give him that Janis: gonna usurp you in every way, for sure Jimmy: go on then, what's your fave colour 🖍 ? Janis: the important questions Janis: don't know why it's taken you so long Jimmy: tell me Jimmy: edge of the seat I ain't allowed to put my arse near til my next break Janis: 🎻😞 Janis: goldenrod or inchworm obvs Jimmy: gonna do your next 🎨 in them so 🤞 you took it serious Janis: it's 💛💚 so I'm gonna look like a keylime pie Jimmy: never said I were drawing you, bighead Janis: you will be though Jimmy: not gonna now for the sake of Janis: 1. I know you're tired, grumpy 2. How will they know it's goals??? Jimmy: 1. Bollocks 2. everything I touch turns to #goals, nowt I could do wrong Janis: 1. s'fair, you've been an unpaid translator, an artiste, santa and now barista boy who can't sit down 2. alright, if you want to add Midas to the CV but might be a bit much Jimmy: now I've got your permission I'll draw some eyes on 😎 and grab a quick kip 👍 tah for that, Jillian Jimmy: ❌ that off the CV though, noted Janis: it's fair but life and working a minimum wage job for your living ain't Janis: keep 💭 though and I'll let you focus on it and the overpriced ☕ Jimmy: where's your focus going? Janis: need to get another minimum wage job I can do sitting down so you don't take it over/ban me Jimmy: you were hopping round less today, that just for the kid's benefit or were you 💭 about keeping me out of pocket with a full recovery, like? Janis: 💭 about keeping you out the loop and pretending it's permanent Janis: have you munchausened me or am I munchausening you Janis: real question #2 Jimmy: well done on telling me that plan then Janis: Yeah, you know Janis: when you've pissed off who's gonna carry me about Jimmy: 🎅 Jimmy: you're heavy but not sack of 🎁 heavy Janis: true Janis: he's 💪 Janis: oh well, problem sorted then 👋 Jimmy: Lucas is a poor man's version an' all he'd be alright for a few lifts Jimmy: I'll race back for the funeral, obvs Janis: don't Janis: he actually offered me a lift once after a match and it was very awkward Janis: definitely not meant to do that, but he's a maverick, you know Jimmy: did you offer to take a lit match to his car or what? Janis: I'm not as witty as Libi Janis: but I did get detention for a week, which is funny as, like what you saying for? 'cos I didn't wanna get sexually assaulted and dumped in a ditch? Janis: 💩💩🧠 Jimmy: Stockholm syndrome only works for dickheads like me on dickheads like you 💔 for him Janis: 'scuse me? Jimmy: can't ⛓ you to a desk nowhere but in his dreams Jimmy: could've childlocked you into his motor but his lack of 🥇🗨 pissed on that Janis: If there was anything in his plan for me, might've worked Janis: but I'm not arsed about straight As Janis: 🤞 he tried Mia next Jimmy: she does look like she just crawled out a ditch Jimmy: dunno if we can score him any credit for that though Janis: just the #aesthetic babes Janis: try and look a bit buzzing when they come in, 'cos they will Janis: no need to 💔 them about 🎅 when you can act like it was the best time ever Jimmy: 😒 just my face, nowt personal, Mia Janis: NOT pleased to see her 🔧🔨🧨🪓🔪 Jimmy: I'll fake it if she fakes not being a Scrooge Janis: no need to go that far Jimmy: if you can't be a slag for tips at christmas, when can you, eh? Janis: 🙄😏 Jimmy: Oi, dead serious question, that Janis: I don't do your schedule Janis: though maybe I'll pop a CV in Janis: better or worse than step-mum nightmares? 🤔 Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: you gonna leave the ☕🎨 to me or are we making 🎄🍆 happen? Janis: 1. the #goals answer is the cup ain't big enough to do it justice, alright 2. if you were as good a teacher as Lucas, I might be better but most importantly 3. gonna be your manager, I'll never be there let alone ever make ☕s Jimmy: got it all figured out, you Jimmy: be piss easy for you to answer my next dead serious question Janis: yeah, aside for my total lack of experience for the role, well in Janis: so go on Jimmy: I were just thinking are we too 👰💍🤵? 👵💕👴 ain't #goals unless we're chatting my personal Janis: too domestic, you mean? Jimmy: we've done 👶🐕 if there ain't a christmas eve eve party I'll lose the 🤏 of faith I had in paddy teen humanity Janis: there's always parties Janis: it probably is time to hit another one up Jimmy: nowt to do with Ian clocking off for 🎄 and TOTALLY to do with me being chuffed to bits to give the fans what they're after Janis: 🙌 Janis: worth celebrating, I get it Jimmy: 🍾 Janis: as much as it pains me, I can't say I can't make it Janis: so sure, put in an appearance Jimmy: I get it 💔 you can't dance Jimmy: 🦶🎻🎻 Janis: at least I have an excuse Jimmy: me an' all, it's being a white northern lad Janis: 😂 Janis: I meant an excuse not to be ground on by randomers but yeah Jimmy: still works Janis: 💔💔 Jimmy: don't worry, I'll do my 😭 for pity tips, nowt you need to see Janis: if you're going that kind of party Janis: don't need to invite me Jimmy: I'll tell Doris to chuck her cardi on 💕 she'll love a bit of that Janis: unsurprised Janis: dirty bitch Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: green is right Janis: ha Janis: obviously Jimmy: whatever party we're going to, I will need a slaggy 🤶 ootd Janis: Penneys will have one you can pick up Jimmy: owt you want? Janis: not a fake beard Janis: ❌🎅 Jimmy: already got one of them in me Janis: fuck off Jimmy: in a bit then, Ellen Janis: you aren't funny Jimmy: still working on the 🤹 me Jimmy: ☕☕☕☕☕ Janis: keep at it Jimmy: they're here, should I invite 'em to this party or what? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: do you want an actual night off or do you wanna have to do #goals shit Jimmy: you heard, can do goals shit without trying Jimmy: do you want a night off? Janis: I asked you first Jimmy: so answer me first Janis: 🙄 Janis: I've had enough time off Janis: my ankle is better Jimmy: alright Janis: so answer Jimmy: I did Janis: Bitch, where Jimmy: I said alright Jimmy: I can do it Janis: no need to tax yourself Jimmy: piss off Janis: I'll go home and decorate mine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't invite them and you can actually have a decent time Jimmy: where? it's still a shit party full of dickheads Janis: it's your night off Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: you can't think of a single fun thing to do? Jimmy: if I ain't on your clock I'm on another Jimmy: 👶🐕 Janis: you said your dad was off Janis: is that not the entire point Jimmy: the entire point were I don't wanna be there, not that I don't have to be Jimmy: nowt #goals about pissing about for the sake of Jimmy: if you don't need me to be 🏆 they do Janis: if you don't wanna be there, then don't Janis: it doesn't make any odds if we're being #goals or not Janis: like your dad is really invested Jimmy: nowt I do is for that prick's benefit, didn't reckon that needed spelling out an' all Janis: that's my point Janis: do it for yourself Janis: don't need to pretend you're doing me a massive favour to warrant it Jimmy: what's it doing for me if I ain't? Janis: I don't know Janis: some peace and quiet Janis: time to fucking breathe Jimmy: you heard me, where? Jimmy: tisn't the season, mate Janis: for fuck's sake Janis: I never said I had all the answers for you Jimmy: don't have a go at me just 'cause I ain't chuffed at the prospect of becoming a ⛄ walking the streets of this shithole taking deep breaths or some bollocks Janis: you stop having a go at me first and we'll be quits Janis: sorry I don't have any top ideas of what you can do Janis: if I did we wouldn't need to bother with this bullshit Jimmy: 👍 Janis: whatever Jimmy: tah for that Janis: just piss off and do some work Jimmy: going against your night off stance but alright Jimmy: not the hill you wanna 💀💀💀 on Janis: whatever you're gonna do, you're still on the 🕡 right now Jimmy: weren't reckoning I had this apron on 'cause it makes me look even more fit and mysterious Jimmy: just a bonus, that Janis: funny Jimmy: come to the party with me, dickhead Janis: you're so frustrating Jimmy: how else you gonna prove to me your ankle is better and get your 🐕🏃💰 back? Jimmy: come on Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: I thought you wanted to go alone Jimmy: what for? Janis: be off my 🕡 Jimmy: this is the easiest job I've got Jimmy: and before you start, NOT saying you are Janis: I'm not starting nothing Janis: it just pisses me off when you act like it's all my idea, or I wanna do it Janis: it's mutually beneficial, that's the point Janis: and the rest of them are the ones 👀 & 💬 Janis: not me Jimmy: it were my idea, I ain't forgotten that or why it's a 🥇 Jimmy: I'm a mardy prick, can't fake that I ain't all the time Janis: I'll survive Jimmy: I'll make it up to you Janis: don't need to Jimmy: but we both need Ian's stash more than him Janis: not gonna argue with that Jimmy: mutually beneficial, I heard you Janis: he can enjoy some sober family fun Janis: I'm not going to enjoy any party if I'm not at least a bit buzzed Jimmy: you can be pissed as 💀#2 were by round 2 of that game if you want, used to carrying you by now Janis: considering how much we've eat today Janis: literally impossible Jimmy: 💔 I can't accept that challenge 'cause I ain't no lightweight Jimmy: feels wrong turning one down Janis: what else is a party for Janis: be loads of others to 🥇 Jimmy: quick, give me one I can do now before I vanish 👻👋 Janis: 🤔🤔 hmm Janis: I don't know much about this ☕😍 life Janis: but how many non-dairy orders can you 🐄 up before any of 'em notice and complain Janis: trusting you not to bullshit, dickhead Jimmy: I swear on our kid's fake 🐕 Janis: hope the real one ain't savaged poor snow Janis: will be all your fault, obvs Jimmy: sounds like her, that Jimmy: and me getting the blame'd be about right an' all Jimmy: 🤞🤞 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: you better mean me Janis: 'course I mean you Jimmy: know what you're like 🐕💕 Janis: didn't even buy myself one, firstly Janis: and secondly, you know you're 🥇 don't be jealous Jimmy: I'd have nicked you one but 👀 and 👂 already got our sticking a 🖍 behind his Jimmy: no need to turn 'em into baby Bonnie and Clyde Janis: thank god he's cute Janis: or it'd be baby borstal Janis: use the disability card and there's nothing he can't do 😎🖍 Jimmy: and then it'd be baby 👻 'cause he'd never hack that Janis: 🥺 Janis: got that from you and all Jimmy: how much bollocks were yours 🗨? Janis: I know you're gutted she got your number Janis: 👴 Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: is there owt you can do for our real 🐕 or what? Janis: Oh Janis: well, yeah Janis: that's the side hussle 'cos the rich cunts who cba to walk their own dogs also cba to train 'em, oddly enough Jimmy: it's too 💰💰💰 for us poor lads then Janis: not necessarily Janis: need the funds myself so we can do 💰 and a favour Jimmy: if you're 💭 mates rates he weren't 🗨 bollocks about how 😈🐕 it is Janis: it can't be worse than that thing was Janis: Killer ain't a funny nickname 'cos it was so 😇 Jimmy: might have to be a big favour, all I'm saying Janis: if you can't afford it Jimmy: made 2 🐄☕ with no 🤬 or 💩 already, be alright Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: 🤝? Janis: you don't want to hear what favour I might want? Janis: brave Janis: but a deal Jimmy: I ain't scared of giving you owt you might want, Jules Janis: Good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be a really boring party otherwise Jimmy: can't have that Janis: would be gutted Janis: and I do owe you for all the kid time today Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: you'll get no 💔 off me Janis: not what I want Janis: but I did miss being alone with you Janis: I know she's a lot Jimmy: she's alright Janis: she's just a kid Janis: she don't know no better Jimmy: 🥈 to 😎🖍 obvs but I rate her as kids go Janis: duh, that 💕🥇 is mutual Jimmy: he's got no mates here yet, it were a 🏆 day for him Janis: I'm glad Janis: she liked him too Janis: wouldn't shut up Jimmy: he's probs still going on to my sister an' all Janis: gonna owe her something now Janis: probably a bit better than a cuddly 🐕 Jimmy: she's done alright out of the 🐕🏃💰 she'll live Janis: she don't need to re-cripple me for the gig Janis: plenty of 🐕🏃💰 to go 'round, don't need to be 14 for that Jimmy: she'll be 💔 you don't wanna 🥊 but yeah Jimmy: she can't be arsed to do ours but I don't blame her when it's Ian's 💰 Janis: I don't make it a habit 👶🍭 Jimmy: brb gotta @ her that fighting 🗨 Janis: such a shit-stirrer Janis: it's alright, not tryna be your new step-mum, don't need to parent-trap me Jimmy: it's called making coffee when it's my 9-5, babe Janis: 😂 get him some chalk he's had an 💭💡 Jimmy: can do my 🐄☕ tally an' all Janis: make your least fave colleague clean the bogs today Jimmy: whoever the lad is you said you liked ✔ Janis: 😨 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: trying to turn everyone against me, I 👀 Janis: only going to have to make it up to him, think on Jimmy: not if I do first 😘 Janis: 🐍 Jimmy: bit of editing that's a 🍆📏 compliment Janis: UGH Janis: bastard Jimmy: 😂 Janis: you always go on about just the tip so Janis: can't confirm nor deny ladies 💁🙊 Jimmy: one way to get me to do nudes Janis: Eurgh, don't Janis: I'll hype you up in the tweets, fine Jimmy: go on then Janis: alright Janis: [least subtle posts ever 'cos a challenge] Jimmy: [cue a flirting via socials sesh because love that for you two always] Janis: [always a mood] Janis: so goals Jimmy: Where do you reckon 💀👑 is on the scale? Janis: 😠 Janis: but if she does come to this party Janis: 🤬 potential Jimmy: but you ain't factored in she can see my 😍 IRL Jimmy: have another go Janis: 😡 Janis: so festive of her Janis: #2 bringing the 🤢 Jimmy: proud of you Janis: Babe 😊😌 Janis: are they all there? Jimmy: yeah Janis: wow ✨ miracles never cease 🙄 Jimmy: 👀 🛍 about to go ask if there's owt for us Janis: real 🎅 right there Jimmy: gonna pretend I can't understand her answer Jimmy: if that other dickhead can get away with it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: Where's Libi when I need her? Janis: she could rinse them Jimmy: I'd dip into the tip jar to see it Janis: too bad she's probably having her tea right now Janis: downsides of being 4 Jimmy: can't promise her owt better off this menu Janis: sounds like too much excitement for one day Janis: my nan'll be fuming Jimmy: I'll be round to make it up to her in a bit 🦷🌹🦷 Janis: no tah, Romeo Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you wanted an outfit, I'm out 👀 🛍 Jimmy: watch your 🦶 in the stampede Janis: it's mental Janis: 🥊 for the bargains Jimmy: do you a 🥊 alongside my 🐄☕ Jimmy: high scores over here Janis: you're on Jimmy: 🖋👂 til my next break Janis: cute Jimmy: Bill's 👻 on at me to write you a sonnet Janis: how many did he crack out? Janis: so many hoes Jimmy: I'd ask but he's flirting now Jimmy: never takes a break, him Janis: Oh Bill Janis: the slutty friend in this sitcom Jimmy: *romcom Janis: so soz Jimmy: 😘 Janis: can't believe how cliche this shit is and we're still getting new fans Jimmy: just that good Janis: thanks, I am Jimmy: said it before Jimmy: as a muse, you're 🥇 Janis: you're not so bad yourself Jimmy: I'll aim my 😳 at their table, tah for the MASSIVE compliment Janis: I could do better but Jimmy: ? Janis: maybe it'll make me 😳 Jimmy: you're in hell, there's your excuse Jimmy: *🥵 Janis: I already know what we're gonna do at this party and honestly, I would've come even if you didn't want me to Janis: 'til you you did Jimmy: will you come here? Janis: yes Jimmy: 🚫🏃 Janis: okay Janis: but now, yeah? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: One I want you to answer Jimmy: one you know the answer to Jimmy: 'course now Janis: 👍 Janis: hold on Jimmy: I don't care if they're still here, that's not why Janis: No? Jimmy: I'll still want you here when they've pissed off Janis: I know Janis: I wanna be there Janis: you know, with you Jimmy: I know it gets a bit Jimmy: what I mean and don't Jimmy: what's for them and what's for you Janis: headfuck Janis: but we both knew that Jimmy: yeah Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't reckon you could Janis: not a total bastard Jimmy: just 🤏 Janis: I like it Jimmy: obvs, your type is 🎅 Janis: 💩heads? Janis: maybe Jimmy: works for me Janis: [show up gal] Jimmy: [have an epic makeout sesh in front of all these shoppers going past and the gals inside 👀🍿 through the huge windows] Janis: [you've earnt it] Jimmy: [and Mia always deserves to be fuming] Janis: [very true honey, we know you and Pablo is all but over now] Jimmy: [he won't have bought you any goals gifts, what are you gonna do buy them yourself and imply they are from him? awkward] Janis: [didn't come to your friendmas even though you told him to, he's not serving his purpose hen] Jimmy: [notp in every sense] Janis: [we been knew, bye gals, we aren't remotely thinking about you rn] Jimmy: [lowkey never are, you're a flimsy excuse at most huns] Janis: [one we don't need currently] Jimmy: [are you coming in when his break is over or are you off again gal?] Janis: [we're coming in 'cos he asked you to stay] Jimmy: [we'll make you food you actually wanna eat, it's been ages since breakfast] Janis: [just try and find somewhere to perch and chill] Jimmy: [we'll do you the favour of saying Mia made the gals storm past you mid makeout or whatever so you don't have to sit with them] Janis: [lmao imagine, bring your festive spirit down more than the kids chatting up a storm earlier lmao] Jimmy: [that's the last thing we need, he'd get in trouble by letting you sit in the staff area before he made you share their table lol] Janis: [should do that, you know his managers long gone for xmas lol] Jimmy: [honestly go ahead gal we haven't done any of the getting in trouble stuff yet so his record is spotless rn] Janis: [us 😈 lmao] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: 👍 Janis: like what you've done with the place Jimmy: it were a bit more 🎄 but some dickhead nicked loads of it Janis: shocking Janis: some people have no shame Jimmy: if you reckon that's bad, you'll never get your head round how some people spend their 🚬 breaks, Judith Jimmy: enough to make you 😳 Janis: The people with holes and ink all over their body have bad habits? 😱 Janis: will not hear of it Jimmy: SO pure 😇 Janis: you had a costume change of 💘? Jimmy: that one's gotta be yours, Tiny Tim, for seeing the good in everyone's 💘 Janis: cheers for not calling me a 🐷 anymore, I guess Jimmy: you're welcome 🐸 Janis: 😏 Janis: don't fancy eating flies though Jimmy: Dunno if I could keep faking 😍 for you and your new diet Janis: it is a big ask Janis: wonder if I can convince the gals it's the new thing though Jimmy: nowt more #goals than a lad who'll pick flies out of his 🦷🦷 for you Jimmy: they'll FINALLY know their 💕 is real Janis: Beautiful, truly Jimmy: I'll pass it on to Bill's 👻 Janis: bit rude that he's not solely focused on our story Jimmy: *I'll 👻🥊 Janis: hot Jimmy: that's the ☕ I'm 🤹 Janis: I couldn't actually work here Jimmy: I couldn't actually have you work here Janis: fight for the tips too real Janis: I get it Jimmy: that'll do for why Janis: go on Jimmy: what? Janis: give me the bulletpoints Jimmy: you're alright 🤓 Janis: tah, babe Jimmy: and I'm alright for not 🖋 you a naughty list Jimmy: which you know were what I meant Janis: you're 🤹 Janis: I know Janis: can't blame me for trying Jimmy: you heard me #notallsantas Jimmy: don't wanna watch you sleep either, tah Janis: I appreciate you saying that Janis: don't sound at all like you're gonna Jimmy: 👀 Janis: thank god the sleepover didn't happen Janis: you and 💀👑 meet over my corpse Jimmy: I'll sort a new one since you're 💔 Janis: with who? Jimmy: I'm just the 💪🏆 Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: 🎅👴😎☕ Janis: party Jimmy: and what, we all chuck our 🔑s in a bowl? Jimmy: or just pass you around Janis: UM Janis: how dare you, we do face masks and watch movies Jimmy: 🥱😴 Janis: 😱😱 BABES Janis: 😭 Jimmy: SOZ Janis: you are SO uninvited from the gangbang now Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Janis: it's me who's a 🍆 down Janis: you're so selfish Jimmy: if you've still got that 🪒 it's easily sorted Janis: bit rapey Janis: 😎☕ is basically an open invitation in this place Jimmy: no need to just castrate me with your 🗨 Jimmy: there's my consent Janis: you aren't bleeding out yet Janis: sorry Jimmy: I'll stop it with the steam wand Janis: ooh Janis: resourceful Jimmy: Oi, don't sound so surprised, dickhead Janis: I didn't expect you to have really considered castration that much, tbh Janis: but yes 💪🧠 Jimmy: never gonna unlock all my kinks with that attitude Janis: 😂 Janis: you're keeping the list 🔒 Jimmy: when you're ready for it, I'll give you the bulletpoints Janis: How am I not ready for it? Jimmy: you're here for a start Jimmy: what are we gonna do get a wet floor sign out and stick a 🧹 through the door handle? Janis: are we going to do that? Jimmy: that on your list? Janis: Well, it is now Jimmy: good, 'cause we ain't gonna have time to do more than the one ✔ before Doris is kicking off for her ☕ or invite Janis: She can wait Janis: I don't want to share you right now Jimmy: [showing up for 😈 antics because his manager ain't here and we don't care what our co-workers think] Janis: [live your best lives guys there is no reason not to] Jimmy: [Pete if you're here ILY and you would do the exact same with your gf so but fuck the rest of y'all truly] Janis: [maybe not exactly the same if you're a little less extra but yes, we aren't interested] Jimmy: [you're a bit older and chiller but you know] Janis: [soz you aren't living a romcom lmao god bless] Jimmy: [JJ out here doing the most and living their dreams from day 1] Janis: [we just skirting around our trauma and trying to live and be young and I love that for you] Jimmy: [literally imagine just having to go back to work like 👋 in a bit as if that didn't just happen I always die thinking about stuff like this] Janis: [lol your life, hence I think you should go back out shopping for a bit girl 'til he's ready to leave] Jimmy: [thank god you're both shameless because even though nobody would've heard anything with the christmas tunes and how busy it is, everyone totally knows] Janis: [y'all aren't subtle, enjoy the #bants and/or disgust from your coworkers Jimothy soz] Jimmy: [making friends everywhere he goes, you're welcome for the fact you're gonna get sacked from here because you're not leaving Dublin in a hot sec like you think you are] Janis: [you're all teens/young adults, y'all be getting messy in all the ways, don't judge lol] Jimmy: [mhmm and we know the kinda hipster peeps who be working there ain't it so shhh] Janis: that girl with the pink hair and neck tat gave me the biggest evils Jimmy: it's just her face Jimmy: 😒 part of our uniform Jimmy: and her hair's rose gold, very festive of her, get it right Janis: roots down to her eyebrows and all Janis: tell your girlfriend she's safe it's #fake Jimmy: oh Ashleeeee Jimmy: I'll tell her to get down the salon Janis: or stick a santa hat on Janis: problem solved if she covers her face with it too Jimmy: she'd probably make a better ☕ blind an' all Janis: you're 🥇 are you? Jimmy: you're asking questions you know the answer to again Janis: I don't drink it, I can't comment Jimmy: it weren't a #humblebrag she's a 🎄 temp, can't do fuck all but 😒 and gone before her roots'll reach her chin Janis: makes sense Janis: least you can blame the 🐄☕ on her Jimmy: except 💀👑 and co's, reckon they'll know that were me, if they ever know Janis: none of them are asking for no 🐄 'cos it makes them shit their brains out Janis: but that extra 1/8 lbs will give it away 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 Jimmy: if it made 'em 💩 they'd ask for it, hoard the laxatives for another day, I get it Janis: True Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: soz if you find any 💩 in the changing rooms though, mate Jimmy: 🐄☕ well into double figures Janis: that's just any other day for Penney's Janis: but I'll sign your name if you like Jimmy: Tah Janis: gold sharpie Janis: make it festive Jimmy: just like that, going from muse to artist, you Janis: A ⭐ is born Janis: don't ruin it for me when I get my grammy and you're an alcoholic Jimmy: nowt fake about their 💕 Jimmy: if you don't go that hard for me when my missus, Ashlee is front row, you ain't having that oscar Janis: 😏 Janis: only to catch her 😒 on camera Jimmy: bollocks, in it for the 👏👏🌹👏 you Janis: you're just in it to be serenaded so don't @ me mate Jimmy: not denying it Janis: 😍 x1000 Jimmy: owt to give me a break from these fucking 🎄🎵 Janis: reckon the staff here have gone full zombie Janis: 💀 in the 👀 and 🧠 Jimmy: bit rude of you not to leave me for 💀💀💀 back there Jimmy: could be us rotting but you're playing 💔 Janis: Rosie was gonna passive-aggressively ask me to buy something or leave if I didn't Jimmy: taking orders from her'll do nowt for them gay rumours Jimmy: need a #LAD to tell you what to do, duh Jimmy: I'll give you a shout when I find one Janis: Shut up, s'why I left before she could say fuck all Janis: and how are there gonna be any gay rumours when the reason she's pissed off is 'cos she's jealous Jimmy: depends who she's jealous of Janis: if she's gay that's her problem Janis: but she's jealous of me, FYI Janis: take the compliment Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: you're the 👏👏🌹👏 chaser Janis: 1. rude 2. bollocks Jimmy: 1. ain't much of a compliment if she fancies me 2. I'll have you know my head's genetically this big Janis: you know what you look like and you're well 😏 about it Janis: not saying you're wrong Jimmy: I know what she looks like an' all Janis: not like she's the only one 😍 is it Jimmy: my inbox is as full as yours Janis: yeah Jimmy: so you've got nowt to be jealous of Janis: I'm not jealous Jimmy: what then? Janis: I'm just saying she is Janis: fuck sake big head, don't get it twisted Jimmy: don't get a mard on Janis: I'm not, idiot Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Are you? Jimmy: ? Janis: in a mood? Jimmy: why would I be? Janis: I don't know Janis: why would I be, like Jimmy: 😒 ain't in your job description Janis: I'm not Janis: I only left so you could actually get some work done Janis: that's all Jimmy: alright Janis: don't actually care what your coworkers reckon but you do have to work with them Janis: least for a while longer Jimmy: I'll live Janis: it's about making shit easier Janis: not harder, yeah Jimmy: you did Jimmy: not saying I'm 😁👍 or nowt but Janis: not even a little? Janis: shit review, that Jimmy: you can have one of the dead eyed ones 😀 or 😃 Janis: I'd rather 😒 Jimmy: [a 😒 selfie like there you go ILY] Janis: tah Jimmy: I rate you, you know I do Janis: shh Jimmy: not gonna sing it but Janis: if we've got to be a romcom Janis: not being one with a musical number Jimmy: won't argue 🤐 Jimmy: #notallnortherners 🎭🩰🎤 Janis: you're warning me how embarrassing you're gonna be at this party Janis: I get it Jimmy: can't say you ain't been now Jimmy: #notalldaddys an' all Jimmy: dickhead dad if I'm owt Janis: however goals that may be Janis: I'd sooner grate my face off Jimmy: you always know EXACTLY what to say Jimmy: really fulfil my nursing kink, that will Janis: how great would you look if you stayed with me Janis: my only positive, gone Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: be even more mysterious to make up for losing how fit you are Janis: 😶😶😶 Janis: what is she thinking Jimmy: 🤯🤯🤯 Janis: do you if you like Janis: #muteandcute Jimmy: the couple who self harms together are obvs gonna stay together Janis: 💀💀 means forever 😃😃 Jimmy: long as it don't backfire when everyone reckons I've been cracking onto Asia's dad 💋 Janis: reunite 'em for the holidays Janis: ✨💕 Jimmy: you're really earning that 😇 costume for tonight Janis: you'll still steal the show, babe Jimmy: you ARE the show, babe 👀🍿🔪 Jimmy: Ashleeeeeee's got nowt on 💀👑 Jimmy: or my long lens Janis: 😂 Janis: dope Jimmy: promise not to do you like princess di, know you'd hate everyone going on about you for that long Janis: what good is 👏👏🌹👏 if I can't 👂 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 👻 perks Jimmy: get to be a right nosy dickhead forever Janis: suits you Janis: no 🧛 perks except the taste Jimmy: 🦷🦷 suit you Jimmy: what about 💪🏆🏃🥇? Janis: that's just me Jimmy: SUCH an athlete Jimmy: I've heard Janis: I'll show you if you ever stop fussing and nursing Jimmy: BUT 🥺 Janis: I know Janis: but I need a redemption arc Jimmy: nowt wrong with 😈 Janis: falling on my arse though Janis: 👎 Jimmy: 👍 for me Jimmy: but I get it, you wanna impress me Janis: if I wanted to impress you, I just would Janis: it's easy Jimmy: 🗨 is Janis: you'll 👀 Jimmy: *📷 Janis: if you can catch me Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 💪 Jimmy: tah very much, compliment accepted an' all Janis: when you out? Jimmy: [a time which I hope isn't forever away because work sucks enough without your co-workers gossiping about your love life] Janis: 👍 Janis: might compliment you then Jimmy: you find a party? Janis: [a selection of, 'cos these teens are extra] Jimmy: we gonna #bless the one or do a tour? Janis: a tour is actually a good idea Janis: fuck it up Janis: go before it's really shit Jimmy: there you go again sounding 😱😱 that I've had a 🥇💡 Janis: like I'm meant to reckon every 💭 you have is golden Jimmy: glad we're on the same 📖 FINALLY Janis: 🙄 Janis: I'm on a whole new book, babes Jimmy: alright, give us a chance Jimmy: basically illiterate Janis: awh Janis: keep practising on those coffee cups hun Jimmy: good job I nicked our kid's 🖍 Janis: long as it weren't a swap Jimmy: @ nspcc Janis: you're alright Janis: this country is infamous for not giving a shit about kids Jimmy: that'll be why Ian brought us here Janis: if he tries to give you to some nuns, run Jimmy: into their arms #kinkunlocked Janis: sure that's another costume Janis: want an outfit change? Jimmy: not very festive though, is it? Jimmy: if I were the baby Jesus, that's one thing, but his groupies Janis: well you can't go as baby Jesus Janis: that's obscene Janis: and where am I getting a loincloth as this hour, thank you Jimmy: such a letdown, you Jimmy: seen you piss about and craft a 🐑 for fuck's sake, it's ALMOST like you DON'T WANT to make this happen for me Janis: it's almost like you're a complete exhibitionist Jimmy: Lucas would support me, knew I should've picked him Janis: no one's stopping you Jimmy: UGH and now you're not even gonna fight for me 😭😭 Janis: you'll come crawling back when he's trying to pick up more 12 year olds again Jimmy: less of a rom com more of a crimewatch reconstruction Janis: you, the clueless wife who had NO idea Janis: sure, Sharon Janis: turning a blind eye so you didn't have to fuck him Jimmy: chuffed he's pissing off out so I can watch telly without his loud breathing doing my head in Janis: You're an Emmerdale fan, definitely Janis: neighbours and home and away in the afternoons Jimmy: Doctors is my top pic though obvs Janis: your only friends are the characters in your stories Janis: sad, honestly Jimmy: Oi don't forget the 🐩 I'm starting to look like Jimmy: it hates me, obvs, so I get why you didn't 💭 Janis: it doesn't want you to baby it but it's all you wanted it for Jimmy: he won't put a 👶 in me and that's 💔 but OMG it's just like one of my fave plots #conflicted Janis: Sharon, you're barren Janis: you need to come to terms with it Jimmy: DUN DUN DUN Jimmy: but it's me doing my own piss poor drum roll Janis: 😂 meanwhile, casual serial killer b plot with your mans Jimmy: Sharon, you're having a mental breakdown Jimmy: this is a REAL doctor's office Janis: not you trying to seduce your fave doctor and it's actually your GP and he's gonna call the psych ward Jimmy: 🚨🚨🚨 Jimmy: your man is gonna pin his crimes on you, hun Janis: omg Janis: when the truth outs, you're gonna be fully gone Janis: maybe in a cheeky coma Jimmy: bit of amnesia so I reckon I did do it an' all Janis: oh god Janis: so like a woman Janis: just lethal inject me 'cos I'm a monster who can't even have kids Jimmy: Oh Sharon Janis: Lucas will keep getting away with it for 4 more seasons Janis: then your ghost will pop up and it'll all get sorted in an ep Jimmy: I'll work with the 👻s of his victims, grab a spin off out of it Janis: full circle, you watching your show from your armchair in your dark, depressing lounge Jimmy: 🎨 Janis: welcome for the A on your next art project Jimmy: IOU Janis: not bothered about credit Jimmy: alright, what do you want? Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: go on Janis: I need to think of an idea right now? Jimmy: 🚫⏲ Jimmy: just no need to hold back if you've already got one Janis: I'll take my time Janis: no point saying something now, thinking of something I want more later Jimmy: won't have you 🖋🩸 it's alright Jimmy: if you change your mind, just tell me that Janis: you're bad at business Jimmy: that'll be why I ain't the manager Janis: 💔 babe Janis: the free time you'd have 🤯🤯 Jimmy: could train my own 🐕 Janis: hey now Janis: that's my 💰 Jimmy: real 💔 Janis: in it for the 👏👏🌹👏💰💰 Jimmy: I got that Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hush Janis: got outfits to buy and christmas tunes to hear for the 42nd time today Jimmy: I won't serenade you then Janis: if you can get a christmas 🥇 then I will 👰💍🤵 for the royalties Jimmy: alright, piss off I need to crack on with that and you've got a 👰💍🤵 to plan Janis: 👋😘 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [party time] Jimmy: [obvs we just want them to have a nice time but have you got anything specific in mind?] Janis: [hmm, obvs the main party is tomorrow, so we can be more chill, but we can also make drama if we want 'cos yolo] Jimmy: [I was thinking at one of the parties they hit they should see Mia cheating again cos Pablo is on the outs and also she just would anyway] Jimmy: [but that could be today or tomorrow like] Janis: [we should do today 'cos you ain't the focus tomorrow remotely hun, and it's just fun] Jimmy: [agreed, the focus tomorrow is being festive af as always, as much fluff as I can clutch with my grabby hands] Janis: [so if anything, get drama that isn't them, aka flat whites etc out tonight] Jimmy: [love it because Mia would think she was being so sneaky but we see you hen] Janis: [merry christmas beech] Jimmy: [gather that blackmail lads, you'll want it when she gets him sacked by being a Karen] Janis: [yep thanks for not before xmas at least] Jimmy: [I'm sure she's wishing she could rn] Janis: [too bad you walked out in disgust lmao it got so much worse] Jimmy: [sucks to suck gals] Janis: [what drama can we do with y'all hmm] Jimmy: [unrelated but can we say they're drunk in love enough that he stays at mcvickers because Ian sucks and we don't need that in our lives] Janis: [yes, just know the Libi is gonna come in in the AM to wake you up and out you lol] Jimmy: [ngl LOVE that even if you two won't] Janis: [in my mind if she ain't snuck in Janis' bed before she's even home, she comes in well early as kids do so LOL] Jimmy: [he's used to that with Bobby cos that boy is always sleeping with him we know] Janis: [and I alluded to it in a previous convo so go us, anyway, yes, that can totally happen, it wouldn't be far if he had to run so makes sense] Jimmy: [it's beyond obvious that you both never wanna leave each other so] Janis: [let's not lie to ourselves lads except lowkey we do lol] Jimmy: [tbf this is the first time you've had a chance to get drunk together since fake dating started cos we didn't have enough booze on the school trip and unlike the flatwhites you aren't lightweights who got drunk during that friendmas game sesh] Janis: [hohohohohoh the potential] Jimmy: [evil laugh x 3 because Winnie is too] Janis: [let's hit up this first shit party, idk if she genuinely got you a costume to put on or what, Imma say yeah but idk if I have anything particularly festive for you so I'll have to look] Jimmy: [I hope she did, what's more festive than crossdressing] Janis: [get it boy, you'll look hot and no one can deny] Jimmy: [she should be an angel like in Hazel's book even if we can't document the lewk] Janis: [I'm sure I'll be able to find that content somehow] Jimmy: [I'm not even gonna try because I know I won't, Ezra Miller and Harry Styles can only do so much and I don't think they've been festive lol] Janis: [yeah, I'm trying to think of like a movie or something where it was a thing hmm] Janis: [oh, the try guys do it, maybe eugene?] Jimmy: [body shots have to happen at one of these shit parties because #mood] Janis: [very easily done with your lewks lol] Jimmy: [that's what I was thinking, just think of all the love bites there would actually be too though what a statement] Janis: [turns up to your function in no clothes, excuse me, y'all are already on one today, there will be no chill we know it] Jimmy: [tipsy before we get there as well tah Ian] Janis: [thank you for nothing but that dickhead] Jimmy: [and actually being there for once so he can stay at mcvickers and be a carefree teen] Janis: [I mean yes but you are those kids dad not jimothy so I will not applaud you] Jimmy: [doing the least and we hate you so much] Janis: [I think Mia should be at the first party and we can catch her whilst we're still a bit sober lol] Jimmy: [yeah definitely one of the earlier ones, it makes sense for that reason and because the parties would obvs start out more basic and get wilder as the night goes on cos most people aren't throwing a rager on christmas eve eve] Janis: [yeah, and if she's at some party that's trying to be sophisticated and lowkey and then they show up 1. LOL 2. she would be caught unawares] Jimmy: [ooh what if she's just gone out with Ella and not the others so it's double tea because that's not in the friendmas spirit] Janis: [I really imagined a date and I was like lovely haha, but totally a vibe, pretending they're busy if the other gals are at another party or whatever] Jimmy: [I might fuck around and give Jimothy an injury of some sort for christmas cos tis the season and Ian is 100% that bitch] Janis: [yeah, he is, a vibe, but not, so rude] Jimmy: [it's gonna have to be christmas eve or day cos they are going to Skerries for boxing day so note to self] Janis: [what if what if that's why she goes to see him xmas day, ultimate rudeness Ian] Jimmy: [yeah because we did say they must] Janis: [dunno where you're huffing off to ian but uninterested, we must] Jimmy: [and then it makes even more sense why they go to Skerries/don't try very hard to come back when they get snowed in, not desperate to spend time with you sir ] Janis: [it all makes sense, also remember the ice bath we can make you a snow pack] Jimmy: [so yeah after whatever they're doing christmas eve, remind me he's gotta go home alone so that can kick off] Jimmy: [also if people have been stupid enough to leave presents under their trees they should steal some] Janis: [noteddd, that's so grinchy and why you don't have xmas parties but with friends people, you deserve it lol, also if we wanna do some messaging, they could lose Mia and have to split up to find her rn, could be amusing] Jimmy: [not all the gifts thank you lads but at least one from every party that it's an option as a memento, ooh good idea boo] Janis: report back, scooby Janis: I'm in the bogs, no sign 😱 Jimmy: leave your 🐕 fetish out of it and concentrate Jimmy: she ain't outside ⛄ Janis: alright, you wanna be daphne Janis: full bimbo now Jimmy: piss off do I wanna be a ginger Jimmy: have a word with yourself Janis: omg VELMA 🤓 Jimmy: how am I not Fred dressed like this? Janis: he was so fashionable Janis: I wanna be Fred though so fuck you Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: I know you're 🤓 and I'm him but crack on lying to yourself Janis: that's rude Janis: don't make me your #2 Jimmy: if the glasses fit, girl Janis: 😡 Janis: i'm going kitchen Janis: it's a long shot but i'm getting drink for me and none for you Jimmy: smash some glasses and plates, you'll calm down Jimmy: or you know, make me a 🥪 Janis: knuckle sandwich Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: so distracting Jimmy: you Janis: nah Janis: we're on a mission focus your 😍😍 Jimmy: [sending her pics of #bants things like I've found her, oh no wait] Janis: [have a lil game, nerds] Jimmy: [obvs you're gonna have to find her eventually I doubt there's that many places she could be so be silly while you can] Janis: Jim I've found her Janis: omg Janis: come here Jimmy: [does even though he's expecting a pisstake] Janis: [hopefully this house isn't that big because you did not tell him anything there lmao, also be quiet or she'll see and you'll ruin it] Jimmy: [she said she was heading to the kitchen so likewise and we'll cross paths lol] Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: [you're so conspicuous rn god bless, but keep an eye on her best you can until you can get dirt] Janis: be 😎 nerd Jimmy: keep your head down 🦒 Janis: i'd say make me but you'll just be 😍😍 Jimmy: [a LOOK that's meant to be pisstakey like what am I like but it's just shamelessly a LOOK lol] Janis: [you know when bitches always kiss in movies when they need to hide, doing that, as if there is a need okay] Jimmy: [love that for you] Janis: [oh the tropes, at least you won't seem arsed by Mia remotely so she'll let her guard down lol] Jimmy: [we're just a lad getting covered in silver, you can relax Mia] Jimmy: [will style that into a 🎅 beard because he's an art hoe] Janis: [what a lewk you two can share] Jimmy: [doing a semi decent job of lip reading Mia even though he's not deaf and whispering to her what he's worked out, doesn't technically need to whisper but the excuse is we're being inconspicuous] Janis: [doing the most to pretend he's being scandalous in ya ear but we listening for real obvs and making our 😳🤤 responses make sense 'do you think there's a free room going?' like do you reckon we'll catch her at it, again] Jimmy: [telling her about all the places he found that you could fuck when he was searching for her, which is lowkey suggestive af boy especially because Mia isn't as shameless as you pair and wouldn't hook up in some of these places] Janis: [telling him which you wanna do first but it's actually where you reckon she might if she's gonna] Jimmy: [agreeing because you agree that it's likely and you're on the same page here] Janis: 🕡 Jimmy: *⏲ Janis: same diff Janis: can't lose 👀 on her Janis: what do we do to kill time without being too distracted Jimmy: 🍻? Janis: [goes to get drink like okay] Jimmy: [is 👀ing you Mia] Janis: gonna suggest this to the gals next time I see em Jimmy: they already follow her about Janis: clealy ain't as good at it as us Janis: but no Janis: the face paint Janis: if you kissed anyone else i'd know instantly Jimmy: bit rude to call me a slag for how I'm dressed but Janis: is it though Jimmy: I just happen to be a slag, alright? Jimmy: nowt to do with any of this Jimmy: [gestures to the lewk] Janis: [looks at him for ages like we forgot what we're doing] Janis: alright Jimmy: are you? Jimmy: [😏 af] Janis: [🖕 which can at least look bantsy to the fans] Jimmy: [a lol soz if that's not inconspicuous hun but the bae is funny] Janis: [bring him a drink back, after taking a massive swig from his like ha ha] Jimmy: [taking pics of her because an angel being 😈] Jimmy: [likewise have forgotten what we're supposed to be doing here for a sec] Janis: [casual photoshoot, be a shame to waste your outfits] Jimmy: [Mia's got no game lbr, you've got time] Janis: [god knows the state of this lad by the time she's ready lol] Jimmy: [another good reason it's an earlier party don't be having a Buster and Chloe rapey situation Mia] Janis: [at least you truly would be as gone, that's the vibe not that] Jimmy: [if your father could see you now hun] Janis: [#disappointeddaddy] Jimmy: [I wish they could call him like come get your daughter but we need this hook up to happen first] Janis: [they should genuinely then bounce though lmao she would actually be so fuming] Jimmy: [don't do it yourself though Jimothy the accent is a dead giveaway, get the bae on it] Janis: [seriously, do some voice work hen, at least a party helps that he'll barely be able to hear, use the house phone] Jimmy: [merry christmas bitch, enjoy the trouble you'll be in] Janis: [hohaha, ANYWAYS, we know you can't stop looking at him gal, how you manage this at all is lowkey impressive lol] Jimmy: [when you get to the second party/on the way there haha you can be as extra as you want, that mission is done and dusted] Janis: [we're so buzzing with ourselves at the prospect of ruining her xmas, practically skip there lmao] Jimmy: [don't you twist you ankle boy as hilarious as that would be] Janis: [we can't have more injuries, and you'd make a right mess of yourself if you fell, it's freezing and you've got no clothes on lol] Jimmy: [yeah that's not festive or goals so be careful please] Janis: [what do we wanna do at this next party then] Jimmy: [just have a nice time tbh lads] Janis: [just partay] Jimmy: [do them body shots and other drinking games cos we're having a messy one and we're competitive af] Janis: [get crunkalunk honey, we can skip to when he's left in the AM now if we wanna] Janis: [after Libi has come in and is like WHERE'S BOBBY as if they also have him tucked up in the bed] Jimmy: [unless there's anything that gets said or done when they're drunk af that we need to know, we know the vibes] Jimmy: [Oh Libi I love you so much but they should facetime him on Cass' phone cos she'll be THRILLED cos you know he's sleeping there and nobody sleeps in that house except Ian] Janis: [ooh, good point actually, we'll do that] Janis: [but yes, poor Jimothy like come sign bitch we gotta talk about santa] Jimmy: [god bless, when you just wanna sleep and snuggle your bae but you got so many jobs] Janis: [being like YOU GOT YOUR COOKIES YOU GOT YOUR MILK AND CARROTS like a checklist 'cos I remember how exciting xmas eve was you were lowkey hysterical all day] Jimmy: [plotting how you're gonna stay awake and peep Santa with those gifts] Janis: [just looking at Jimmy like you ain't gonna get no sleep lol] Jimmy: [mouthing at her to kill you away from the lip reading expert's gaze cos you can't do a dramatic death scene rn the kids are chatting a mile a minute] Janis: [pew pew at his head, also mcvickers gonna be fuming lad] Jimmy: [at least you can leave without having to see them cos that staircase] Janis: [chase you away lmao] Jimmy: [hold in the wee that you clearly will need, your house isn't far] Janis: [run boy run, but we'll throw it back to the end of your partying now] Jimmy: [we should start it as a 🚬 break because that's always good for feels and closeness when it's cold and you're half naked even if we're drunk enough not to feel it] Janis: [just drunkenly telling him about crayon colours we looked up lol] Jimmy: [guessing the colours based on their weird names unless it's obvs and then we're just pisstaking] Janis: [there's some wild ones hun, we're probably making up loads too] Jimmy: [likewise but writing them on her so she has to try and work it out when we could just say it] Janis: [we know where this is devolving and fast, wherever you are not being suitable so you're like hmpf] Jimmy: [on some random person's garden furniture that they should've brought in for the winter but have not] Janis: [you're both gonna start shivering before long so walk in the direction of the houses tah] Jimmy: [handholding and doing the little swinging thing because you've been spending all this time with the bubs] Janis: [loling at him] Jimmy: [playfully nudge her like excuse you but don't push her over because of that drunk and slippy combo please] Janis: ['you're such a nerd, you know'] Jimmy: ['Piss off' but the tone is less fuck off and more yeah I know but so are you] Janis: ['fine' and goes to walk off but likewise is joking so doesn't really] Jimmy: [nevertheless pulling her back and close into you as if she's really going because don't] Janis: ['you want me to stay?' even though you know 'cos how close you are rn] Jimmy: ['don't you want to?' even though she clearly do] Janis: [thinking he's making a point about asking stupid questions like 😏 fine] Jimmy: [just softly touching that 😏 face looking at her like no tell me you want to because we're drunk enough to have been genuinely asking and wanting an answer] Janis: ['I just want you to tell me' shrugs 'no confusion'] Jimmy: ['I just want you' because true] Janis: ['go on then' like it's a challenge but you say it so soft so like it's not] Jimmy: [the most intense kiss ever not even because it's a challenge but because the emotions are just that high okay] Janis: [no time to even talk just taking him by the hand back to yours aka mcvickers not all that way lol] Jimmy: [for a million reasons I hope whatever house you were at isn't far from there but the main one being all the kissing pauses there will be along the way regardless because that's the mood we're in] Janis: [we ain't even gon make it home energy] Jimmy: [100% support that always] Janis: [but you do, and frankly, I don't condone ladder climbing in this state so like be quiet and go in the real way] Jimmy: [that'll be a #mood in itself so] Janis: [getting him out of that santa outfit folornly like you are devvo lol] Jimmy: [gal if you're doing a pouty lip in any way you know what's gonna happen] Janis: [but of course 'why don't you care what people think?' once you can get words out again] Jimmy: ['I care what you think' because we're drunk so we can answer a question and answer it honestly] Janis: ['really?' and a confusion face] Jimmy: [😍 af about her cute expression so we lowkey forget about the question] Janis: [nudge] Jimmy: [a look like ?] Janis: ['why do you care?'] Jimmy: ['about you?' when you were only talking about what she thinks but we're drunk and we've gone deeper with it] Janis: [nods like sure, as you brought it up] Jimmy: ['it's less shit being here 'cause of you, if nowt else you should have the same back off me'] Janis: [when you can't help smile at that 'I don't want you to leave Dublin'] Jimmy: ['I'll stay' like it's that simple remotely but it is when you're drunk af] Janis: ['but you hate it here' and a look like same, obvs] Jimmy: ['I hate it everywhere' because again true] Janis: ['me too' not even trying to be banty like literally yeah same] Jimmy: [a little snugg because we don't want the bae to be sad] Janis: [snugging and sighing 'this is so weird'] Jimmy: [an even bigger sigh because it is and you don't want it to be and just saying sorry in the quietest softest voice like did you even actually say that or no] Janis: [at least it's that quiet 'cos you're meant to be that you would hear and you're shaking your head like no no 'not now, specifically or...it's not your fault, you know' 'cos you mean this whole situation for you 'cos you've never and you're like how did this happen so fast and when did we get here] Jimmy: [a shrug because he thinks everything is his fault always thanks Ian so it's like I don't know/believe that actually but we also don't think the bae is full of shit like we think a lot of people are so it's a confusing and conflicting tangle of thoughts up in here as well cos likewise has also never felt like this or expected any of this when he suggested it lol] Janis: ['I mean it' and properly looking at him but not really driving the point home harder than that right now/yet 'it's okay though, isn't it?'] Jimmy: [a nod that encompasses all the things 'are you?' cos if she's okay that's all that matters bye] Janis: ['is it a dealbreaker?' trying to make light of the fact it's like not really no] Jimmy: ['only if you're breaking our deal' like it's not okay if you don't wanna do this anymore even though it's a headfuck because ILY and I will die] Janis: ['I don't want to'] Jimmy: ['what do you want?' as if we don't know sir] Janis: [poke him in the chest] Jimmy: [just resting his hand over hers like okay I accept that and will turn it into a soft gesture] Janis: [when that lowkey says so much about the dynamic and we can't handle it 'let's just-' and kissing him] Jimmy: [kissing will always be easier so I'll allow it kids] Janis: [do that and more 'til you pass out probably 'cos honestly] Jimmy: [gonna let you say her name during at least once if you want boy because we're both not remembering this and we know it'll hit different sober anyway] Janis: [andioop soz you're trashed huns] Jimmy: [but not because it gives us freedom to do things y'all ain't ready for yet] Jimmy: [but soz that Libi will be waking you up early af]