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virginpornstar · 11 months ago

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Branden's Top Realizations of 2023

2023 was a rough year for me. I had some incredible things happen, and had some amazing moments, but also had some hardships I had to deal with. That is life. With the good comes the bad, but all that matters is I made it through. Here are my Top 10 Realizations of 2023!

2023 WAS MY YEAR OF CHAOS

Eris is the Greek goddess of chaos and discord. This year felt like Eris possessed me herself to blow up my own life. If I had the option to choose to avoid drama or have drama, I went with the drama. I chose chaos every chance that I got. From getting canceled, falling out with my best friend, and even just having non stop petty arguments online and falling out with random guys I've never even met, I was having non stop drama and chaos this year. I wasn't the one to avoid any confrontation this year. I didn't give a fuck. With the chaos I endured in 2023, I'm hoping to choose peace in 2024.

2. ALL PUBLICITY IS GOOD PUBLICITY

It's already been nearly a year since I got "canceled", and honestly I didn't really lose much besides 2 FwBs that don't even live in the same part of the country as me, and I only fucked both of them once.

It was inconvenient having to block 1300 profiles, and still having to block people. I still have poz black gays that have been on my block list nearly a year making posts talking shit about me, but whatever. They're going to be poz forever, so they're going to be mad forever. I have always believed that I don't care what people are saying about me, as long as they're talking about me. Getting "canceled" had more people talking about me than ever. Even with them trashing ever part of me and my existence, more people than ever were reading my blogs, watching my acting reels, looking at my posts, watching my YouTube videos, etc...getting canceled was fantastic for exposure. More people than ever know who I am.

I may be a bit of a pariah in the black gay community, but the black gay community is just a cesspool of HIV infected gays, fighting online and in person, can't keep a relationship, not educated or employed, bums begging for money, people living a lie, etc...

Plus the same week I got canceled, I saw the same people that were talking shit about me canceling even more black gays within the same week. This is why no one takes the black gay community seriously. Twitter/X is just an app with bitter black gays looking to terrorize and cancel other black gays.

I'm still employed, traveling the world, getting dick everywhere I go, and my followers are up on most platforms compared to before I got canceled. I didn't lose shit except fake people in my life. It was inconvenient having to block 1300+ profiles of people talking shit about me, but after those first 3 days the chaos was pretty much over and life resumed to normal.

3. THE BEST PART OF GETTING CANCELED IS THAT IT EXPOSED MY SECRET HATERS

"What other people think of you is none of your business' is one of my favorite quotes. I first heard it from RuPaul, and it's always stuck with me.

As a fem black gay man with a "valley girl" voice, I've been bullied my entire life for a multitude of reasons. There's nothing anyone can say about me that I've not already heard. It's true that decades of bullying does build thick skin. I am used to gays hating me and that's been what I've had to deal with from the majority of the gay community since high school. Then on a grander scale in college. Now on the grandest scale of the internet.

I had so many random people from my past coming out of the woodwork to jump on the hate train against me. Former friend's friends that I only hung out in a group setting like 2-3 times were writing entire essays of lies about me on Twitter. Saying how they always hated me, and here I am thinking um...I met you twice. I didn't like you either, but I also never gave a fuck about you to write an essay about you. I was disgusted how you and your man said you collect buckets of rain water and bathe in it.

Then I had former cowokers I never even liked that I only knew from being extras on various film/TV sets making posts about how they always hated me. Um...I never liked you, hence why I always avoided you and gave you the impression I didn't like you. I can't stand people that crave attention are and are loud and obnoxious, especially at work.

Then even cast members/producers of the ratchet black gay reality shows I watch on YouTube talking shit about me since they didn't like my tweets about their show, and also one was embarrassed since I saw him at the clinic and knew he was poz since the wasn't there on the same side of the clinic I was for people getting tested/treated for STIs. He was there for the infectious diseases doctors, aka poz. I didn't even know some of them knew who I was, but apparently they did enough to make posts about always hating me.

Then I fell out with some of my lovers that turned on me. Can't trust them fake ass weak ass Libras to be loyal when the world is against you. I really am not compatible with people that care what others think of them. That's why Leos and Libras are so compatible. They both are signs that care how others perceive them.

I'm a Scorpio. I don't give a fuck about anyone, but me. I don't care what anyone thinks of me, and nor would I ever turn on someone when the world is against them. I like you for you, and I dislike you for you. No one can turn me against someone, but the best part of getting canceled was knowing who couldn't wait to turn on me. On top of it also exposing who's poz. With 50% of the black gay community being apart of the Walking Dead, there's so many incubators of disease walking amongst us, and we wouldn't even know it. Had they not exposed themselves, literally and figuratively.

4. I WILL NEVER FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING AN HIV-NEGATIVE MAN

I spent most of my life scared of fucking, because I've been terrified of HIV. My worst fear is becoming poz, and I don't want to ever be apart of that black gay poz statistic. I don't want a man that's apart of that black gay poz statistic either. I will never feel guilty about that. It's also why I have no regrets about anything I said that got me "canceled". Since I've been saying those things for years. Just this is the first time anyone listened.

Plenty of others agree with me, they just were too scared to publicly agree. But they slid in my DMS to tell me they feel the same way. It's crazy how the diseased are so deluded and want to normalize everyone fucking people with HIV, and then attack and chastise anyone that doesn't want to fuck people with HIV. Yet not fats/no fems is perfectly ok in the black gay world, but as soon as you say you don't a man with an infectious disease that they got from their poor life choices, suddenly you're the problem. The gaslighting in the (black) gay community is astounding.

HIV may not longer be a death sentence, though the only thing keeping poz people from wasting away and dying of AIDS is their medicine. Hence why I call them The Walking Dead. Nobody wants that shit, or wants to deal with that shit. Yes HIV is preventable with PrEP and if peopel are Undtectable, but I still would rather be with a man that made smart life choices to prevent from ever being infected in the first place. I feel how I feel, and I'll never feel guilty about that.

5. PROFECTIONS YEARS ARE REAL

Profection Years are a combination of astrology and numerology. There are 12 houses of the zodiac, and each year of your life is apart of a different house. Each house represents a different aspect of life, and what will be the big theme of that year as you reach that age. It does seem unlikely everyone is experiencing the same thing at 30, 31, 32, etc...but I don't give a fuck about everyone else because it's been eerily accurate for me.

For 32 my profection year was that this would be a huge year of travel for me. It was. I took 23 trips this year so far! That's more than I've ever traveled ever before in my life. It also was accurate for 31 being a big year of death/rebirth/transition, and 30 was about relationship. I got in a relationship when I turned 30. 31 was about rebuilding my life post relationship since I feel like I allowed my relationship to distract me from certain goals.

My profection year has been on point so far, and now 33 is about my image and public persona. Which is so true. Since I gotta rebuild my brand/image after getting "canceled". Though let's be real. This world barely gives a fuck about gay people. They really don't give a fuck about black gay people. They certainly don't give a single fuck about black gays with HIV. So it is delusional to think black gays with AIDS have the power to cancel anyone.

6. EUROPE IS FUN TO VISIT, NOT TO LIVE

One of the highlights of 2023 for me was that I finally got to go to Europe! I went to London, Paris, and Madrid. It was a dream come true. I was originally supposed to go in 2020, but Covid happened, but I finally made up for it this year. I loved Europe, well not enough that I'd want to live there.

My friends that had been before said that being black is so much better in Europe than America, and Europeans love black Americans. Um...I should've known better than to trust the word of my black friends that only like white men.

I would never want to live in Europe. There's barely any black people, and the few that are there make it very clear they only like white men. Me in my early 20s, before I was into black men, would've loved Europe and probably been like "I want to move there". Me now, I like Europe to visit, but I'd never want to live there.

I like big men, which are hard to find in Europe. There's twinks everywhere. I love Madrid since it's a bear capital and they definitely had the sexiest men in Europe. Madrid had the least amount of black men I'd seen in Europe, but still was my favorite European city. London and Paris I found one guy in each city to get with, but Europe is fun for a visit, but definitely not where I'd ever want to live. If anything it made me appreciate being an American more.

I have black gay clubs, black gay spaces, black gay men of all sizes and shapes, and I have options in the US. In Europe, if you dont' want a white man then you're out of luck.

7. GAY FRIENDSHIPS ARE SO DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN AS I GET OLDER

I've fallen out with the 2 closest gay friends I've ever had within 2 years of each other. One was a 16 year friendship that ended after he not only didn't invite me to his 30th birthday party he spent months planning, but I had to find out about the party from social media. Plus I took him out to lunch the week before the party for his birthday, and he made no mention of it for me.

We were doing that fake shit like having parties and not inviting each other when we were in high school, and you want to start doing that in our 30s? Fuck that. I'd rather ben former friends than fake friends. Clearly if you don't want me at your own celebrations for yourself, then we aren't real friends. Also if you don't invite me to your party your planned because 2-3 of your 50 guests don't like me, then clearly you don't value me as a friend. So I ended it.

Then I just fell out with my best friend of 5 years. The previous friendship ending wasn't as big of a blow since we both clearly had moved on to new BFFs, and had been growing apart. Also with this friendship we'd been growing apart too.

We don't live int eh same part of the country. We don't see each other as much. Plus he made a new friend group, so he likes feeling like he's queen bee, though that shit doesn't work for me. I'm always queen bee, and not a sidekick.

We fell out due to a trip planning gone wrong, and he was financially challenged. Yet he picked the hotel, I just booked the room, but then he cursed me out because he didn't like the price and then refused to apologize for cursing me out. I don't have time for this immature shit. I am past that point in life of sharing hotel rooms with friends. I like my own space. I also am not tolerating a friend refusing to move on from drama they caused. Take accountability. Don't lie and say you misread a text, when you clearly were arguing with me about what you clearly read the night before. I don't have any tolerance for immaturity or fake shit.

It's sad to lose a friend, but sadly we outgrow people. Plus I was fucking a guy he really liked behind his back for months, so I was doing fake fucked up shit too. The friendship was destined to end this year. It's sad, but everything happens for a reason.

8. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DIRECTION I WANT MY LIFE TO GO IN

I'm torn for the first time ever. I've always been somewhere that's know what I want, where I want to go, and where I want to be. Yet now I have no clue. I know what my options are for where I want to move next. Yet I still can't make a final decision.

I could go back to Atlanta. I already have friends/acquaintances, jobs I can get back into, and know the city. Atlanta has changed a lot since I left, but Atlanta is still the black gay capital. There will always be options for men there, and I've had the most sex and best dating experiences in Atlanta. Biggest downside is way too many poz people. Where there's lots of black gays there's lots of HIV, and I honestly want that far away from me.

I could go to Chicago. Chicago is my favorite city. I love the architecture, and landscapes. It's exactly the type of city I love. Great public transit, walkable, but large, diverse, and I have decent experiences with men there. Biggest downside are the rough winters, and a lot of the people I fell out with after getting canceled were in Chicago. Granted it's a big city, so I don't have to see those flaccid woke warriors.

I could go to NYC. Growing up in the Northeast, the goal has always been to live in NYC. I think that's natural. Gays aspire to move to the biggest city in their region, and NYC has always been the epitome of the top of the list. If you can make it there, then you can make it anywhere. Plus I love New York N*ggas. Downside is the ridiculous astronomical rent. Yet if money wasn't an issue, I'd definitely choose NYC.

Lastly there's LA. I just don't see myself as an LA gay, even though this year I've realized I can be faker than ever, and I already have the "valley girl" accent. Even when I went to Europe everyone was assuming I was from California form how I talk. I do love that no one can tell where I'm from from my accent. Yet LA is so overcrowded, and there's so many crazy homeless people everywhere. Also I hate driving, and it's impossible not to drive there. Also the gays are so flaky, and I don't see myself happy in Los Angeles. Though I'm an actor and screenwriter. So LA will always be the best place to be.

I'm still figuring out which option to choose, but they're all so different. My life will look different depending on which city I choose, and no option I think will have the same outcome. Still I want to push myself to try somewhere new, but I also am terrified of picking the wrong one. Though if one doesn't work out, then I can always move. We shall see what the future holds.

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